The Positive Pants Podcast (Fran Excell: Success Mindset Mentor For Business Owners.)
Explorez tous les épisodes de The Positive Pants Podcast
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 02 Dec 2019 | 098 - How To Overcome The Comparison Gremlin | 00:15:04 | |
How To Overcome The Comparison Gremlin
I recently asked in my group what I could help with the most right now and dealing with comparison definitely came up the most.
It wasn’t a surprise, it comes up a lot for clients, my friends in the online space and in my feed and myself of course, i’m not immune!
Society today thrives off comparison, you only need to look at your screen time and how long you spend scrolling social media.
What are you looking for? What do you actually spend your time doing there?
Firstly, it’s totally normal.
We do it all the way from being little kids.
I certainly always compared my chip portion sizes to my big brother...i’m all for equality...if not tipping in my favour, but that’s by the by!
It’s another one of our lovely little protection mechanisms so we can work out what or who is a ‘threat’ to us.
Obviously what this meant in cave man days vs now is very different but that mechanism remains in our reptilian brain.
It’s also how we work out where we ‘fit’ in society.
Psychologist Leon Festinger noted there are two distinct types of comparison in his study on social comparison theory.
Upward and downward. We use it as a way to make an accurate assessment of where we are. Our skills, abilities, values, beliefs, everything.
As humans, we’re always looking to make sense of the world around us and one of the ways we do that is comparison.
Working out where we fit in the pecking order if you will.
We’re judging ourselves against other people. Often through the lens of other people’s metrics too.
For example, we judge people based on what we value and want for ourselves. Would you judge me on the arch of my foot? Probably not...but if you were a ballet dancer you probably would!
It’s human nature and fundamental to human existence, so let me say now, you’re not going to ‘get rid’ of it completely.
BUT, when you can understand comparison, take a step back and look at it with a little more awareness, it’s power over you dissipates.
It stops being such a negative thing.
It stops having power over our own behaviour, actions and beliefs of ourselves.
I was a TERROR for comparing myself to other people for most of my life.
Now, if it’s in front of my face, it’s still natural to compare of course, but I remind myself of a few little things...and have lots of ways to avoid it in the first place.
Some of which I'm going to share with you now.
Comparison is basically a lovely little method of torture for ourselves. However, it is a two way street.
When we think of comparisonitis we often think about the ways we compare ourselves to others who we perceive to be ‘better’ than us at the moment. But we do it the other way too.
So this is the upward and downward comparison I mentioned.
When we compare ourselves and think WE’RE the ones doing better, it gives us a boost to our self esteem.
But it does keep us in that cycle and habit of judgement so it often doesn’t help in the long run.
It’s also perpetuating a cycle of negativity because let’s be honest...it depends on other people being in a ‘worse’ position than you.
Apples vs pears
The trouble is, we’re not actually comparing reality with reality most of the time which is where it can become tricky.
So there’s a few things I'd like you to remember if you catch yourself in a comparison loop.
Insta vs reality
There are a TONNE of things that people don’t tell you so you never really have the full picture.
On social media, people can say what they want, true or not...and it can be giving you completely unrealistic standards to live by and a very skewed version of things.
We see this talked about a lot when it comes to social media, magazines, editing apps etc.
So it’s about being able to look at things at face value and understand that there could be more going on than meets the eye.
We’re all human and we ALL have struggles.
Not all comparison is a BAD thing.
You can use it as motivation to fuel you to push forward.
It can even show you great insight into what you actually want. Feelings of comparison often come hand in hand with envy but instead of looking at it as a bad thing, be excited that your emotions are showing you what you want.
It can also give you evidence of what’s possible. It can actually increase your self esteem.
You get to choose how you use it.
There is no such thing as an overnight success.
There really isn’t. People like to let you THINK that without detailing the years of slog or struggle it took to get them there. It’s valuable to understand this.
Comparison is in itself a focus on lack.
What you think you DON’T have yet. What does that help with?! We all know by now that where you put your focus is where you see your results so shift it to all the good stuff that’s possible and away from what you don’t have YET!
We are making it MEAN something about us.
What are you making that comparison MEAN about you? That you’re not good enough? What story is it causing you to tell yourself about what’s possible for you? Notice it so you can consciously challenge it.
Comparison can be addictive.
We get positive hits of Dopamine every time we compare ourselves positively to someone else so it’s no wonder we do it.
But this can be a double edged sword when this doesn’t go in our favour.
Instagram taking away the like feature is a HUGE step in the right direction for this.
Comparison can make people really b*tchy!!
You see it all the time in the online space. People slagging off competitors, talking badly about people in a bid to make themselves feel better about themselves.
It can even go as far as full on bullying, and it all comes from a place of comparison and insecurity and usually not anything to do with the other person in the first place. Be the bigger person.
Worth remembering!
For every person you’re comparing yourself to, someone is comparing themselves to you! We all start somewhere.
Support networks
You don’t know their support network! Quite often all the people at the top are in masterminds together and are friends. They collaborate. It’s really easy to look at it and think they’ve done it all by themselves but it’s often not the case...but you don’t know that!
How can you combat the comparison gremlin?
Take a break from social media!
Unfollow anyone who makes you feel bad in any way...AND anyone who you keep tabs on to make sure you’re ahead!
Remember Insta vs real life!
Comparison as perspective. Remember you can compare downwards with empathy. It’s not always about making yourself feel better, it can be something that makes you feel grateful for what you have, rather than focusing on what you don’t.
Don’t compare your 10th step to someone else’s 10,000th.
Stay in your own lane! Do YOUR thing! It doesn’t really matter what everyone else is doing. Pick who you want to learn from and ditch the rest!
Once you create a habit of doing that you’re able to think so much more rationally about where you’re at.
In whatever area of your life you’re making comparisons.
In your job, business, family, friends, your weight.
When you can look at it with aware and rational eyes you can see all the technicolour of your situation, instead of focusing on the black and white...which isn’t true anyway!
It helps you be more resilient too, to look at all sides of the coin.
It’s a much happier way to live and you’ll probably find you get FAR more done because you aren’t creating stories about yourself, your abilities or other people and you start to follow your own gut and intuition more.
And if people want to compare themselves to you and be negative...it says WAY more about them than it does you. Empathy over anger is a little philosophy of mine because people who behave badly towards others are not happy people.
How about we all stop the judgement, of ourselves and others, and try and lift each other up instead.
I mean, imagine if everyone did that!
I know it’s unlikely as it’s human nature to compare...BUT, picture what it would be like if it happened. Oooooh!
So, how can YOU make a difference?
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 10 Jan 2022 | How To Keep Your Conscious Wits About You! | 00:13:19 | |
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How To Keep Your Conscious Wits About You!
You have to keep your conscious wits about you right now at this time of year.
Let me explain why it’s particularly important right now. It’s a funny one, there are a few things usually going on.
You’ve (hopefully) taken some decent time off. Eaten all the food, drank all the wine or mocktails. Or just had a week or two outside of your usual routine so it just feels super difficult to get back into. Particularly if you also stopped doing the things that you know usually make you feel good.
You might be taking an extended break and you’re seeing people all over socials talking about goals and resolutions and going what appears to be ‘all in’, but you’re struggling to get your bottom off the sofa and allowing the guilt to take over.
Or maybe you’re TRYING to go ‘all in’ but you’re just not feeling it!
So what the fudge to do?!
Firstly, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!
I don’t necessarily mean literally, you’ve probably just had one or still having one…I mean mentally!
Stop beating yourself up for doing/not doing what you’ve decided you ‘should’.
I’m technically still off right now, until the middle of January. I had a rule that I started back when I was working in Corporate that I'd always take the first week of January off without fail.
I’m doing a couple of little bits and bobs here and there as necessary but I'm off for calls or anything like that and my schedule is MY schedule and it feels GLORIOUS and I don’t feel the slightest bit ‘behind’.
Because really, what meaning does that even have except the one you’re giving it yourself?
So I'm getting the most of my membership at the spa gym right now. Doing classes, hopping into the pool or the hot tub, then up to the manor house for a cuppa, do a little work if I need or want to, then home. Glorious.
Then my first official week back of work is The Mentorship retreat. Pretty nice start to the year in my eyes!
Now, here’s the thing. While I'm swanning about, the world and his wife seems to have woken up on social media and it’s LOUD.
Not only are we seeing business owners getting back to it with a little fire in their bellies after a break.
We’re also seeing the new year new you shame based marketing eeeeeeeverywhere.
Hence the title of this episode.
If you don’t have your conscious wits about you right now some of that pesky online programming might very easily come and bite you in the bum.
What do I mean by this?
You might be scrolling, scrolling, scrolling….all good when you’re doing it with the intention and consciousness of curiosity, staying in your own lane and doing your thing.
But if that slides…oh helloooooo my old friend comparison, how NOT delightful to see you here!
Then come the ‘shoulds’. Urgh, I'd planned to take this time off but this person’s doing this and that person’s doing that…OMG i’m already behind!
You might allow some of that shame based messaging to wangle it’s way in too which is never a good thing.
Stop.
Behind in comparison to what or who?!
Let other people do their thing. I guarantee you a lot of what they’re doing won’t be sustainable and you’ll see it drop off.
I’m very much a sit back, watch and do my own thing kinda gal. I like to treat things as an experiment and think ‘ooooh I wonder if this would work?’ I marinate on things and don’t tend to do anything knee jerk. Which is why it has taken me so long to create my membership and it’s in a totally different format to what I've seen. More on that in due course!
I’m a manifesting Generator by human design meaning I don’t love feeling tied into things or that I ‘have to’ do something and things have to feel ‘right’ for me so I kind of lead with that a lot in what I launch and when.
Remember, A lot of the people going ‘all in’ will be going into the year thinking ‘i’m going to do X, Y or Z EVERY DAY this year!
Post on socials, go to the gym, eat healthily, read, meditate. Whatever it might be.
But guess what, although a few people WILL be able to stick to it and form the habit, most of us…we’re not really wired that way so you’ll absolutely see people drop off. And they’ll feel super pants about it too!
This is one of the big reasons resolutions don’t stick. It’s going against our current identity.
We shame ourselves into them, looking at all the things we think are ‘wrong’ with ourselves and then attempt to go all in on doing something different and inevitably fall off the wagon when our nervous system and brains go ‘woooooah nelly, this isn’t familiar, we don’t like it, this could be unsafe!’
Then comes resistance, excuses. Then some MORE shame for ‘failing’ or ‘quitting’.
So focus on what is actually sustainable for YOU. And just get as consistent as possible with that. Sure get inspiration from what others are doing but do NOT let it make you shame yourself for what you’re doing or not doing.
You also might also just not really be ‘feeling it’ just yet. That’s ok. You can get curious with that. This is one of the benefits of consciousness and unearthing the bits that are underneath the behaviours, thoughts and feelings.
This has come up in The Mentorship this week and I've seen it on socials too. That’s why it’s SO important to have people around you who support you. This is part of being a human and part of being a business owner. You’re going to have wobbles and ups and downs but having somewhere to voice it and have others help you figure out what might be going on for you is utterly priceless.
Another thing that might be happening unconsciously right now is that you might be putting pressure on yourself to nail everything straight out the gate!
Life just doesn’t work that way. Sure some people might have a totally innate, natural ability for something, sure, but mastery is always about improvement over time. ALLOWING yourself to have a beginner's mind.
Today I did my second power hoop class. And I suck! I’m not going to sugar coat it, I'm awful.
There were people in the class just hooping with ease and there was me in the corner dropping it left right and centre, stumbling over the steps and literally falling over at one point.
So, in that situation you can have the mentality to get frustrated, think you ‘should’ be better, be jealous, wonder what’s wrong with you, assume you’re just awful at it so there’s no point trying, compare yourself to the other people in the class who are nailing it…
OR you can acknowledge that you’re a beginner and you’re going to suck but you WILL get better if you keep going and practicing.
So I watched the other people in the class to see what they were doing differently and kept adjusting my technique and even in the class I made improvements.
I also didn’t allow the unconscious thoughts to take over and sought evidence that I was right where I needed to be and I asked them how long they’d been practicing. One was 3 years, one was 2.
I also asked what they were like when they started. They said ‘actually I was way worse than you, I could keep the hoop up for more than 2 spins’.
Do you see the difference? I gathered information and evidence that my brain and nervous system needed to stop sending me pesky thoughts. So I'll go back next week and I'll improve again.
It’s part of what I'm doing in the January Jump Start too. Getting people to be a little more in their conscious mind throughout the day and flexing that conscious muscle.
I’ve been LOVING having people message and email me about the results they’re seeing and what a huge difference it’s making. You can still join, the link is in my bio on instagram @imfranexcell, in the show notes or you can head to https://bit.ly/fransjumpstart It’s running every day in January.
So hopefully you can see how having your conscious hat on and awake can save you a LOT of unnecessary heart ache and mean inner talk.
So here’s to a conscious 2022!
Fx | |||
| 27 Apr 2020 | Replay Series: How To Get Out of Overwhelm Into Action! | 00:19:15 | |
Replay: How To Get Out of Overwhelm Into ActionShow note links:
Welcome back to the replay series of previous Positive Pants Podcast episodes that are PERFECT for where we're at right now in lockdown.
I'm continuing to highlight ALL the tools you already have in your armoury right now. Many people have felt stuck in overwhelm at this time. There's been pressure to DO DO DO, Don't waste the time...easier said than done when you're in overwhelm because it can feel paralysing.
Hopefully i'm here to help. Been there done it and got the t-shirt many times and I remember the feeling SO well when back in 2014 we lost everything and somehow had to pick ourselves back up and DO something about it.
Follow even just a few of these steps and you'll start to get yourself moving again. Don't put pressure on yourself for how long that takes...just get moving, even if it's baby steps. They're still steps in the right direction.
Please do DM me any questions, feedback, let me know what you're struggling with so I can help. If you want to take advantage of my limited power hour sessions to get you out of your head and back on track then DM me or email fran@franexcell.com
Enjoy! | |||
| 04 Nov 2019 | 094 - How To Prioritise, So You Can Achieve What You Want! | 00:13:01 | |
How to prioritise so you actually achieve what you want
Do you feel like you know what your priorities are?
As always this counts for both your business and your life.
Or do you often feel like you’re splinning plates and at any moment they’re all just going to drop?!
If you struggle to see what you’re REAL priorities are and get stuck in the ‘busy being busy’ tasks and feeling like you’re not really getting anywhere, or jumping from shiny object to shiny object...then you’re NOT alone!
It’s easier when you’re told what to prioritise
When you’re in a job it’s often a lot easier to know what your priorities are because you’ll be led by management based on the business priorities. Targets, goals, aims etc. Essentially you get told what your priorities are.
If you don’t know what YOUR targets, goals, aims etc are it’s easy to see how the priorites can get lost in the ether and be harder to spot.
There is an element of juggling to be expected between business and life priorities but it’s just about being able to identify if priorities need to shift in the moment or if you have to use your self-discipline to stay on track and not get blown off course.
Behavioural flexibility is always going to be a keystone to success because life happens, but the more you practice and become aware of what the real priorities are in the moment then the easier it’s going to feel.
Prioritising is Mui Importante!
Helping clients prioritise is a BIG part of what I do.
Helping get them out of those moments where their focus has gone, or when the thing they THINK is the priority actually isn’t really and it’s causing them frustration or ‘distress’ in some way, and you can see why it’s important.
There are a TONNE of different ways and modalities for prioritising and you need to find the way that works for you but i’ll talk you through a couple of my favourites and I’ll also talk you through how I prioritise so you can decide what’s going to work for YOU!
The Eisenhower Matrix
A very popular method to work out your priorities is the Eisenhower Matrix.
It’s simply splitting tasks into a quadrant with urgent vs not urgent and important vs not important.
So if it’s urgent and important, it's an obvious priority.
If it’s urgent and not important these can be those tasks that you delegate. So things that do need to be done but awful things aren’t going to happen if they don’t get done or can easily be done by someone else to leave you free for things that are more important. For example, that facebook post that didn’t go out today.
If it’s not urgent but it’s important then decide it needs to be done and then schedule a time to do it. That doesn’t have to be right now but it needs to be at some point.
If it’s not urgent and not important DELETE IT FROM YOUR LIST!
There are things that will come up every day that SEEM super important. Be honest with yourself.
Do them if they are...while keeping the bigger picture/end goal in mind so you’re always moving forwards!
My scary brain dump to do list.
I’ve talked about this method in several episodes but it’s always worth reinforcing because often when clients go back into overwhelm and I ask if they’ve done this the answer is no.
Then they go do it...priorities straight, no more overwhelm. Magic!
You can find a link to my template HERE
So, here’s how it works.
Split a page into 3 columns. Column 1 is the scary brain dump part where you put everything down that you’re telling yourself you need to do.
In the middle column take the tasks from column 1 that absolutely have to be done this week or there are consequences.
In column 3 split it into the number of days you’re working and every day in the morning take 3 tasks from the middle column that have to be done that day or there are consequences.
So you’re always having to be honest with what the real priorities are. It forces you to think that way. Once you’ve done your 3 you can add another and feel super accomplished and producutive but it will always keep you honest about what REALLY has to get done.
For me it’s all about what’s going to move the needle the fastest. Be that financially, audience growth or creating headspace.
Essentially, What’s going to get you to your goals and where you want to go quickest.
Eat That Frog
People can have a tendency to avoid certain tasks, for a number of reasons, but what those tasks do is stay in our minds like a pesky little gremlin taunting us with it’s presence.
It takes away your focus, your motivation and sends you straight to procrastination station.
The quickest and best way to get rid of that pesky gremlin is to just do the task.
It will often take a fraction of the time you’re telling yourself it will and it will honestly create so much headspace and relief for you the pain of getting started is completely worth it.
My favourite person in this field is Brian Tracy, and my favourite tool of his is detailed in his book Eat That Frog. I
It’s the idea that you tackle the biggest, scariest task first and then everything after that will feel SO much easier.
It works a treat and is often one of the first questions i’ll ask a client if they’re stuck in overwhelm. Which task would create the most headspace?!
Mindset and productivity go hand in hand
You’re probably starting to see why I link Mindset and Productivity together in my business.
They are intrinsically linked.
Often we think we have a mindset problem and it’s actually just a few simple productivity tweaks that are needed.
On the flip side, we can often think we have a productivity problem but actually it’s an unconscious mindset issue going on that’s sabotaging your progress.
It’s difficult to know which without talking to an expert, so that’s where people like me come in.
A few other prioritisation tips
Stop telling yourself everything is just as important!
You know it’s not true really. There may be a few things that are the same level of importance, but not everything. If that’s the case, pick one and it’s go time, then the next, then the next.
One foot in front of the other.
Also, on some things you may easily look at as ‘urgent’ such as emails, what can you put in place to make them less so?
For me having an auto response set up on my email is a game changer because it allows me to work how I want to work and schedule how I want to schedule and minimise context switching.
People are addicted to instant gratification, but they also crave acknowledgement.
Often an acknowledgement that their message has been received and a time frame to expect a response can be enough to keep the wolves from the door, so you’re not constantly context switching and having to drop everything the second an email comes through.
Bear in mind that often we THINK something is really urgent but it’s really not so just be aware, catch yourself and ask yourself the question. What happens if this doesn’t get done right now? Are there consequences for me or other people? What are they?
Perhaps most importantly, if you’re consistenly putting something off, it’s time to work out why.
SO much of what we procrastinate over, put off and de-prioritise is deeper rooted than we think.
Yes there’s the age old ‘I just don’t want to do it’ but sometimes it could be what we’re telling ourselves happens once the task is done.
Stories about what we commit ourselves to, what we're making it MEAN.
There could be a fear of success, fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear that we’ll have to keep doing something that actually deep down we don’t want to.
So many things can contribute to it from our unconscious programming. As soon as you work out what it is you get that power of awareness, which gives choice and responsibility which then gives you much more to work with in terms of what is really a priority, and what’s not.
So, how I like to think of things to help me prioritise.
What’s going to move the needle fastest?
What would create the most headspace for me if it was done?
How does this push me forwards towards my goals?
What are the consequences if it gets done, or not done?
And just be honest with yourself and challenge your thoughts, or be around other people that will.
Come join the Proactive Pants Mastermind if you want my help and my eyes on your priorities ;-)
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 13 Feb 2023 | Understanding The Stages Of Grief | 00:12:16 | |
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Staying Strong Through The Stages Of Grief
In the late 60s Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed the 5 stages of grief in her book ‘On death and dying’ specifically about people facing terminal illness. It was quickly adapted to grief in general.
Just before I dig in I’m putting a trigger warning out for you, I'm not actually going to be talking about death but if you’re in the midst of going through anything traumatic yourself right now please do go easy on yourself and maybe come back to this episode when you feel more ready.
I wanted to do this episode because since the pandemic I feel a LOT of people have been grieving a LOT of different things.
We can’t deny that life has changed immeasurably. Whether that’s for better or worse.
I’m having so many conversations with people at the moment who are dealing with what feels like grief and it’s worth acknowledging because so many of us have faced losses of some kind over the last few years alone.
The thing with grief is it’s really not just reserved for death.
Grief is a natural response to a loss of any kind.
Grief can hit us in so many other circumstances and having been through my own deep grief recently I believe it’s helpful to understand the stages of grief and that healing is not linear.
As you’ll likely know by now, I believe that understanding ourselves and what to expect when it comes to how we tick as humans is incredibly comforting in times of stress or pain and can alleviate a lot of the added negative thoughts and beliefs that we can pile on top of it.
The last thing anyone needs when they’re in a grief process is to be nasty to themselves in their own heads or to beat themselves up for having incredibly natural feelings that do need to be processed one way or another.
Some of the very common grief processes that we might go through and perhaps not identify it as grief is at the end of a relationship.
The end of a friendship can bring up deep grief too.
Coming to terms with limiting illnesses and grieving the way we thought our lives were.
Even the loss of a job or letting go of a business.
Identity loss can hit us hard too and there are so many ways that can happen. Whether it’s down to our appearance, a breakup, pregnancy, infertility, retirement or something else.
We attach so much to our identity and when that fundamentally shifts for some reason if we’re not supported or equipped to handle it it can have a profound effect.
There are SO many more things we might grieve too, but we might not allow ourselves to recognise it that way.
There should be no judgement around what you ‘can’ or ‘can’t’ grieve.
It’s a process and every person is different.
For me the reason this episode felt important is because I’m seeing so many people struggle at the moment and when we can normalise our internal processes and understand that we aren’t broken or alone and that things WILL get better and that you can have immense growth throughout the process it can make it easier, even if it’s just a small fraction.
There is no time limit with grief either. Whatever it is you might be grieving.
But one thing that I find incredibly comforting is knowing that alongside these stages you are also GROWING at the same time.
You are healing at the same time. Even though there might be days where it really doesn’t feel like it.
Grief and healing aren’t linear.
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I believe that healing and processing and growing are the final stage and also happening throughout.
Denial is a tricky stage because it’s where we might be ignoring the signs that it’s time to let go of something that is right under our nose.
If you’ve lost a loved one this is different, it might show up as a feeling of numbness and carrying on as if something hasn’t happened.
We need to remember that this is a way of protecting ourselves and is totally natural and not anything to feel shame around. Our minds need to adjust to a new reality and that can take time and feel confusing.
The next stage is anger. Oof I went through this one big time!
This is where we’re seeing our new reality for what it is a little more. We might be angry with someone else or we might be angry at the situation itself, or some higher power.
You might lash out at others in this stage.
We need to remember in this stage that it’s part of the process and it’s justified.
The way I saw it though was progress. Things are moving. It’s another step forward and an opportunity to work WITH the emotion. Finding ways to process the healthy anger and not be consumed by it.
The next stage is bargaining. This is where we’re still trying to protect ourselves and trying to find ways to alleviate the pain.
We might do this with someone else that’s involved or we might do it with ourselves or a higher power. This is where we might feel like we’d do anything to take away the pain.
This is where, in relationship break ups, it can be so easy to go back to someone that’s not right for us. Or we might start to look for the positives and ignore the negatives in a situation because it might feel easier to go back than do the healing work to move forwards.
Remember change happens when the pain of staying where you are outweighs the pain of the change.
Please be kind to yourself if you recognise this in yourself and be kind to others who might be going through this as it can bring with it an intense feeling of powerlessness and lack of control and can feel very isolating.
Then we have the depression stage. Again, a painful but necessary part of the process and one where healing IS still taking place. Again, double down on understanding where you’re at and the things that you know help you feel better. You ARE processing pain in this stage. This is where people might want to isolate themselves more and be less sociable.
In this stage for me I felt the need to retreat and I gave myself that sometimes but I also made sure I Was reaching out to people and being honest about where I was at. Some really beautiful memories have come from this for me and every time I did spend time with people I always felt better after. It might be different for you.
So much of what makes these first few stages so hard is how much we’re trying to resist and fight against it.
Eventually you come to the acceptance stage. This is where the fog clears, things feel calmer and the pain is not as painful.
We’re coming out of survival mode.
You can see the growth and the learning that you’ll take through life in this stage.
You might feel like you’re coming back to yourself. Hopeful.
Please remember grief is not linear. You might move through these stages quickly and in order or you might go backwards again but you WILL come out the other side.
This is just one model of the grieving process and it’s one that I found helpful.
Whether you’re grieving a loved one, an identity, a relationship, a friend, a business you’ve let go of, a job you’ve lost, you ARE healing.
You might find you need to sleep more and also struggle to sleep. You might procrastinate more.
It’s a time to go all in on looking after yourself and listening to what you need.
You will likely need more rest, allow it instead of beating yourself up for it. Let go of the guilt.
Please take good care of yourself, and other people in your life that you might be recognising these signs in and don’t feel the need to rush and have patience.
Fx
| |||
| 15 Jan 2018 | 001 - How to Journal for the non 'Dear-Diary' type | 00:18:30 | |
This week's podcast episode is all about journaling. Ok so I know people have been banging on about journaling for a while but bear with me here! NOT THE TYPEI have never been the ‘type’ to write feelings down in a diary so I did what you probably just did…you know…that little eye roll…yes I know! UNTIL I got to breaking point in my life, knew something had to change and was willing to try anything, so I decided to stop ignoring the fact that EVERYONE said it worked…and i’ve never looked back. It literally changed my life. 5 minutes per night was enough to shift my mindset for the better. So I want YOU to stop ignoring it and i’m going to try and show you how and why it works and talk you through the potential ‘side effects’ so you can get started and start living a happier and more fulfilled life…honestly it really does that and you deserve that! BACKED BY SCIENCEThere are a HUGE amount of scientific studies on the benefits of journaling (which I won’t go into now in the interests of time…your friend Google or Siri can help you out there) and it’s emotional benefits and the benefits on your mental health in general. So much so that doctors, therapists, counselors and coaches routinely recommend it for patients. But it doesn’t need to be something that takes you hours every day and is just another thing to add to your never ending to do list…no, no my friend! DO THE BARE MINIMUMThere are countless ways to do ‘the bare minimum’ and still get HUGE benefits from it, start small and see how you go. Some of my favourites, before I started designing my own printables based on what was working for me, positive psychology, a little neuroplasticity and gratitude, were the 5 minute journal, the Happiness Planner, Kikki K’s sentence a day or gratitude journal. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO FIND YOUR OWN ‘STYLE’ AND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.There are many different ways to journal and you need to find one that works for you because guess what…if it feels like a chore…you won’t do it! DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU THAT YOU WILL ACTUALLY STICK TO!Some of the lovely benefits of journaling include:
IS THAT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE YOU?Give it a go for a week, what have you got to lose? Find out more here. | |||
| 10 Apr 2023 | How To Forgive Yourself | 00:11:29 | |
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How To Forgive Yourself
How to forgive yourself.
I’m going to put a little trigger warning on this episode in case you’re going through something on the heavy side at the moment and feeling a little more on the delicate side.
Please look after yourself and only listen when you’re ready.
This is close to home for myself and people I love at the moment and it’s something i’ve learned is important over the years of letting myself suffer needlessly and also through my study in this field over the last 8 years that is is in fact something you have more control over than you’re giving yourself credit for.
There are a LOT of inevitable times in our lives when we didn’t behave in a way that shone us in our best light.
There are inevitable times where we’ve been in situations where we’ve let things happen or enabled behaviour that we wish we wouldn’t have.
We can spend a lot of time blaming ourselves for situations that we find ourselves in.
This could be in relationships, in your business or work, in friendships, family, the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat others, the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The things we might need to forgive ourselves for can be a bit of an endless list.
But there is so much power and liberation in forgiving yourself.
You need to acknowledge that there will be countless versions of you in this lifetime.
Each change and identity shift or upgrade comes through growth and lessons, usually via a scary or painful catalyst.
Holding onto a grudge towards yourself just adds more pain, with no outcome.
Punishing yourself or berating yourself is a surefire way to you not living the life you’re capable of and deserve.
I’ve forgiven myself for MANY things in my relatively short lifetime so far, and even knowing what I know now about myself, human behaviour and the way we tick as humans, will have to forgive myself for in the future.
We’re humans. We make mistakes. We make mistakes repeatedly!
We accept behaviour that we shouldn’t.
We stay in situations we shouldn’t.
We say things in the heat of the moment.
It’s human.
But how do we start to forgive ourselves for our human moments and mistakes?
We start by taking any responsibility that’s ours to take.
By that I mean ONLY what’s ours to take and recognising what isn’t ours and wasn’t within our control.
Apologise for what’s yours to apologise for.
Yes it can be confronting. But it’s also freeing.
Self reflection is a huge part of self forgiveness.
Look at the situation and your own behaviour with curiosity over judgement.
Recognise where it really wasn’t your fault!
Where and how does the behaviour make sense? (You might find it incredibly helpful to work with a therapist or counsellor for this part to help you unpick it because it will be there!)
Focus on moving forwards. Being grateful for the lessons and acknowledging that you aren’t the same person with the same wiring after this experience.
You are not destined to make the same mistakes again if you work on being conscious and self aware and seek to understand yourself.
A huge part of forgiving yourself is allowing yourself to understand your behaviour, emotions and what drives them.
It becomes a lot harder to hold onto resentment, guilt and shame towards yourself when you really see what was going on underneath it and where it makes sense.
How was that behaviour trying to protect you?
Or repeat a familiar pattern?
What was that behaviour trying to help you avoid?
Whether it was good for you or not you’re wired for your own safety!
Are you blaming yourself for something that absolutely wasn’t your fault?
It’s SO incredibly easy to do this, particularly when it comes to many forms of abuse. You are not responsible for having to predict other people’s behaviour.
I’ve forgiven myself for all sorts of things, some of which include my eating disorder from 16-18, my hideous anxiety I had through my teens and twenties, getting into abusive relationships, staying in toxic relationships, allowing myself to be used, allowing myself to be bullied, the way i’ve treated and abused my body, things i’ve said and done to other people, destructive behaviours, where i’ve given up on things. So many things.
It’s an incredibly powerful thing to learn to do.
Forgive yourself for what you did when you were in survival mode.
Forgive yourself for the times you didn’t know better.
Don’t bottle it up inside and let it eat away at you. Your body will store it and it will show up in all sorts of other ways! Anxiety, illness, aches and pains. Speak to someone non judgemental who can help you process anything that needs processing so you can truly move on.
What really matters is not what’s already done but what you choose to do next.
Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d treat a friend in a similar situation.
How will you make sure you won’t repeat the same pattern in the future?
Self reflection is super important in making sure you really process your emotions and have as much information as possible that will help you not repeat the same behaviour if you know you don’t want to.
Being able to really take a step back and grab the lessons with both hands.
You only know what you know…until you know different! That’s when everything can change.
It doesn’t mean you’ll never make a mistake, treat someone badly or allow them to treat you badly.
It does mean you’ll be able to recognise it more quickly and with more compassion.
Learning to forgive yourself can have profound effects on all areas of your life. Your emotional, mental and physical health.
Ask yourself what benefits there are to holding on and not forgiving yourself.
What story are you telling yourself about what happens if you do forgive yourself?
Are you telling yourself the same situation will happen again? Where might you unconsciously be holding on intentionally and why?
Also ask yourself if you would hold someone else to the same standard you're holding yourself to in this situation.
We often hold ourselves to a higher standard than we would anyone else and it’s important to catch that and recognise it.
And as always, with anything we do round here, practice emotional regulation and make sure your nervous system is in a good place. The Positive Pants toolkit is ready and waiting for you at just £9.99 per month with tonnes of tools and techniques to help you do just that. The link is in my bio but it’s also in the app store.
Forgiving yourself might feel a million miles away from where you’re at right now but you will get there! I did!
You deserve the peace and freedom that comes with forgiving yourself!
Fx | |||
| 01 May 2023 | The Art Of Letting Go | 00:11:06 | |
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The Art Of Letting Go
Following on from last week's episode about how to know when it’s worth persevering or changing course, I thought it might be helpful to go through the art of actually letting go.
It’s one thing knowing it’s the right thing for you to do but it’s a whole other ball game actually doing it.
And it can be tricky…and it can also take its sweet time!
It can feel really frustrating but your body needs to catch up with your mind.
Whether you’ve decided it’s time to move on from something or been forced to for other reasons it’s absolutely a process!
Cognitively you might be ready to move on but your nervous system might still be scanning for whether it’s safe to or not! Which is where both the cognitive and somatic work comes in to help speed up the process.
Using your mind AND your body to heal.
It’s not a process you can judge by anyone else’s standards. It’s unique to you.
But holding on to pain never helped anybody.
There’s a phrase I love that’s ‘nobody ever drowned by falling into the ocean. They drowned by staying there.’
You have to let the inevitable grieving happen. However long that takes.
Even when it comes to something that other people might not think is a huge deal, it might be to us.
Even if someone thinks we should just ‘get over it’. It’s not up to them.
It takes as long as it takes to really let go.
From my own experience it’s a really gradual process and then one day you realise there’s no pain anymore.
The feelings are very neutral and calm.
Even if you might still be in the eye of the storm at times!
So what can we do to make sure we’re remaining conscious and helping the process along as best we can?
Firstly, acknowledge that it’s happened and the decision has been made. You may feel like you’re flip flopping at times just before you’re clear. This is when you lean on the people who know you best and who will be a willing sounding board for your thoughts and feelings.
It’s totally natural.
Next it’s very very helpful to consciously seek out the positive lessons that you’ve learned in the process.
Even if they may have been tough lessons. What’s changed in terms of what you will or won’t accept in the future. How will it mean things will be different next time you’re in a similar situation?
Always make sure you check in with the stories you’re telling yourself and if they’re actually true. What are you making it mean about yourself? Whether you’re leaving a relationship and will be single again, what are you making that mean?
Or if you’ve decided you don’t want to run a business anymore or stay in your career.
What are you making that mean? What story is there around what other people will make it mean?
A hugely important part is to recognise what your non-negotiables are now, and how the previous situation wasn’t meeting them or your needs. Always helpful to know that despite it potentially feeling painful, it’s not what you wanted anymore and you get to dream and visualise what you do want now!
On that…it’s really important to make sure you’re not looking at the past with rose tinted glasses. There may have been some amazing positives but what wasn’t right for you? How long were things hard, or you feeling unhappy
My favourite part is to start to get excited about your future and all the new opportunities ahead of you that simply wouldn’t have been there without needing to let go of this situation first. Things you can do now that you couldn’t before.
A HUGE one is to allow yourself to be supported. Don’t try and do it all on your own. Allow yourself the space you need but don’t shy away and isolate yourself.
Prioritise YOU. Your needs, your wants. This is YOU time and that won’t last forever. Embrace it and take full advantage.
Recognise any guilt, shame or blame you’re piling on top of the situation and challenge it as if you were a casual observer of the situation and not so personally invested in it.
Don’t get attached to a timeline of being on ‘the other side’ of it. These things take time and that’s ok.
Look for what you can be grateful for from the situation or by getting out of it.
Seek the stories from people who have been through similar and come out the other side, bigger, better and stronger for it. The people who are challenging the status quo and showing the positives of a situation that aren’t often talked about.
Remember these feelings are only temporary. Don’t judge yourself for having down days. Cry. Scream.
Take any responsibility that yours to take, and nothing more. Forgive yourself for whatever you need to forgive yourself for in the situation. You didn’t know better or couldn’t do better then, you do and you can now and moving forwards.
Practice emotional and nervous system regulation MORE now. This is the time to double down and help your nervous system catch up with your mind. EFT, hypnotherapy, Heartmath, making sure you’re moving your body are all my first port of call.
Recognise what was within your control and what wasn’t in the situation.
Do the healing work.
Keep yourself busy but not out of avoidance. Do it in a positive way. Fill your time with things you’re looking forward to. Go see new places, spend time with people, do new things, learn a new skill.
And finally, remember you never know what amazing things can come from a situation that might feel awful at the time. Hold on to that and allow yourself to be excited. Good things are coming if you let them.
And as i’ve recorded this i’m practicing exactly what I preach and i’ve put myself way out of my comfort zone on a long haul solo trip. I’ve done something I never would have before. I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone solidly towards post traumatic growth. And I couldn’t be happier and more content.
Even though I'm still in the eye of the storm in many ways. The focus is on the light at the end of the tunnel and I couldn’t be more excited.
Know that’s available for you too.
Fx | |||
| 28 Dec 2020 | Fran's New Year Message | 00:10:49 | |
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Think of it as my version of the queen's speech...yep...just called myself a queen...if the crown fits! ;-) My heart goes out to all the people who are feeling lonely this festive period due to the recent announcements around Covid. And to those who were lonely regardless! It also goes out to those who are struggling to get ANY alone time and feeling like they want to scream. It goes out to the people struggling with their relationships and family life. And those who are revelling in the peace and quiet and feel they can't talk about it. It goes out to the confused kids. The frazzled adults. Whoever, and wherever you are my heart goes out to you. You've done SO well this year, even if it may not feel like it right now. I mean... WOW, what a year! Unprecedented amounts of trauma (personal and societal), heart ache, confusion, change and uncertainty on a global scale! But also...joy, stillness, acceptance, gratitude and togetherness. There's SO much more! But my point is, it's really really easy to focus on the bad, particularly when that's what most people talk about online. We're wired that way through negativity bias too. So many emotions! It's also, completely understandable in a year like 2020! This weeks content on The Positive Pants Podcast is good timing hopefully: Hang in there, you're doing so great! So for me, it's about acceptance of the bad. Allowing all the feels, being curious of them. And embracing of the good. This is a year we'll never forget. We'll be feeling the repurcussions for years to come. 2021 can be a time for positive change. But it can also be about slowing down, resting, tuning into yourself and your body. So don't rush into those New Years resolutions. 90% of people give up by February anyway and use it as a way to beat themselves up even more....but you won't do that will you ;-) Let's do things differently this year. Less focus on the DO. More focus on the BE and HAVE! Who do you want to BE? How do you want to show up for yourself, the people you love, your clients? What do you want to HAVE in your life? How can you get it? I'm not talking just the material things like 'I want a new car' or 'I want 10 high ticket clients' I'm talking about 'I want to have more fun' or 'I want to have more connection' or 'I want to have more energy'. The things that REALLY matter. What do you truly, truly want, deep down in your soul. For you. Not muddied by other peoples opinions or society, or anything you're telling yourself about what you can and can't have. What do you want? The action is an important piece of the puzzle of course. But that comes too when you focus on who you're BEING. We have the power to change the game. It's up to us. So I hope you're wrapping up for Christmas now (see what I did there?!) I hope you have a break. Rest. Replenish. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'll see you on the flip side! Lots of Love, Fx | |||
| 07 Jun 2021 | Why You Aren't Doing What You Want To! | 00:21:31 | |
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Why You Aren't Doing What You Want To?
There are probably a bazillion little reasons why you aren’t doing what you want to in your business or your life...or perhaps you feel like it’s just one big kahuna of a reason.
Either way, I'm going to go through a few of the most common reasons I see in the hope that it may make you think slightly differently and perhaps even make you realise how gloriously capable you are of doing the thing you want to do!
Whether you want to scale your business to a particular income level, start a business from scratch or even just believe that you can be doing something that you actually enjoy instead of being ‘trapped’ by the rat race that doesn’t really suit you anymore.
There will be tonnes of stories your brain and your nervous system will be telling you around why it’s not possible.
We’re fed (or brainwashed, whichever way you want to look at it ha!) so many messages of you go to school, you get qualifications, you get a job, you work your way up, you retire, you die.
You learn to validate yourself by your job title or salary. I fell into it too! But, I remember being 26 years old in a really successful career in media and advertising thinking to myself.
There must be more. I know I'm capable of more. The truth was I'd got to a great position, was respected in my profession and by my bosses, all good. But there was a sense of just not doing anything ‘meaningful’. I’d stopped feeling that sense of achievement or purpose. I’d ticked a lot of the boxes.
But it took me to my 30s and through a little anxiety ridden existential crisis to figure it out. Mainly because I was telling myself so many things that weren’t true, but accepting them as truth.
Plus, I didn’t know anyone who had their own business, I'll talk more on that in a minute. It felt like an impossible hill to climb in terms of even having a clue where to start.
The biggest message running round my head was that it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to love what you do, almost like you’re not supposed to. The work to live vs live to work mentality.That was only reserved for people who’d been born into wealth. Not for us muggles.
The next message was that even if you do end up doing something you love, you’ll pay for it in terms of ability to earn good money.
So the ONLY way to do what you love, was to in my mind, struggle for money. Then you’re trying to balance different levels of happiness.
Which one is less painful, more financial freedom to do what you love in your spare time, or do what you love and NOT be able to do what you want in your spare time because you can’t afford it.
There’s also the live for the weekend and wait for retirement mentality that’s rife through society.
If these are running in your noggin as truth, and we’re all run by our unconscious programming 95-99% of the time...you can see how that’s never going to change, right?
BUT...so many people have that little niggle in the back of their minds about what they’d love to do...quickly followed by all the reasons they can’t.
Write a book, work for yourself, have an income you could never dream of achieving in a corporate job, to not be stressed and overwhelmed all the time, to actually HAVE time and freedom to choose what you do with.
What is that ‘thing’ for you. What’s that ‘niggle’?
Whether you’ve started your business or not. What’s that thing that if you weren’t ruled by paying the bills (and your stories around that), or if you knew you couldn’t fail, that you would LOVE to be doing?
Now we’ve got that...i’m going to give you some of the biggest reasons so many people DON’T go after it, if what i’ve already said isn’t reason enough ha!
One of the biggest reasons is you genuinely don’t think it’s possible for YOU. What I'd love for you to do is grab a journal and start to draw out those stories.
What makes you think that’s true? Why NOT you? What makes you believe THOSE things that come up? Who’s beliefs are they really? Yours? Someone else’s? Based on how you were brought up, or what a teacher said to you? Or the strong opinion of a parent or sibling? What is the reason you believe it’s possible for other people but not YOU?
That leads me nicely onto the next biggie. Your friends and family’s opinion. Ohhhhhhh this is a big one. The number one way people often find me is often through an episode I did called ‘why your friends and family don’t support your business’.
I know from google search stats and analytics this is HUGE. It’s SO common. If you want to go deeper into this one go have a listen to that episode.
But essentially, what was modelled for you growing up in terms of doing something you love?
You’ll often find with a lot of entrepreneurs that their parents, or someone in their family ran a business, or someone they were close to.
For those that weren’t modelled that, you usually have to break through a few unconscious beliefs first, but that’s totally normal.
It’s about creating awareness around what was modelled and what was taught to you about the way things ‘should’ be with regards to earning an income.
What was ‘prized’ by your primary care givers. What did they value? What did THEIR parents value? It’s not about being right or wrong, good or bad, most of us just don’t really know we can challenge these ideals for ourselves as adults because it’s unconscious...but you know now :-)
Next, what’s modelled for you now? Are you around people who own their own businesses? Or are working their way towards it?
It’s SO fundamental to have people who are working towards the same goal, or have already achieved what you want. It’s giving your brain and nervous system the evidence that it’s possible AND that it’s safe! Plus it gives you motivation and encouragement to keep going. It’s hard to just muster that for yourself!
That leads me nicely onto the next reason...You just haven’t had the hard and fast, brain can’t argue with you evidence that it’s possible. You need that. Don’t underestimate the importance of it. Seek it as much as possible. Join groups, memberships, communities, go to events.
Your self esteem and the stories you tell yourself, about yourself.What are they. We touched on this already but it’s worth repeating. What are the reasons you’re telling yourself you can’t have it? They may be surface level reasons, but they could be a lot deeper than that. Self sabotage is a biggie!
Next up is that you don’t know where to start. This is the more surface level reason, but a powerful one nonetheless! I mean...there’s a LOT to take in and a lot of different messages that can just leave you in a state of confusion. TOTALLY understandable. It’s about finding that person that has done or is doing what you want to do and learn from them. Step by step. Do this, do that!
And lastly for today, you might actually just don’t want to do the work that’s required to get it. AND...guess what...that’s ok!
There’s a BIG difference between telling yourself you can’t do something because there’s something inherent in you that means it’s not possible vs not actually wanting to do the work.
BUT there is a very different emotional charge from ‘I can’t do it because I'm not capable and I feel guilt and shame about that’ to ‘I’d love that but I can’t be bothered to be honest.’ So just be honest with yourself.
Also check that your story about the work that’s required is true.
Check that there’s not another way, stay curious about the possibility that comes with ‘how can I’ vs ‘I can’t’ It’s always going to require one or the other of time or money. Usually a bit of both. But this is one of the reasons I think it’s far more sensible and easier on the noggin to start your business, alongside your job and look at your job as your venture capital investor.
But so many of these aren’t true. They aren’t reality. Pick out those stories and challenge them! Reframe ‘I can’t’ to ‘how can I’. You’ll be amazed at what comes up.
So if this has made you feel even the slightest bit different about what you’re capable of achieving that makes me do a happy and I 100% encourage you to find yourself a TONNE of evidence for that lovely brain of yours that money, freedom AND time is achievable when you’re working for yourself...go to bit.ly/franandlisa or hit the link in the show notes, or on instagram, whichever way is easiest for you and join Lisa Johnson’s Race To Recurring Revenue free challenge.(recurring revenue is things like courses, memberships, subscription boxes, drop shipping, ebooks, print on demand. So many options where you do the work up front and then keep making money from the knowledge already in your head...even if you don’t think you have any of that, trust me you do, i’ve helped enough people through this programme and my own to know that to be absolutely true!)
You’ll learn ways that you don’t have to trade time for money, you can have the security of knowing what’s coming into your bank account every month, you’ll be around people who’ve been there, done it and got the T-shirt. You’ll find THOUSANDS of people who want what you want so you’ll find the evidence AND the community.
I’m going to be doing some bonus episodes with some very special people for you in the next couple of weeks to show you what’s really possible.
I want to give your brain as much real, tangible evidence that it’s possible for YOU. Without all the mind gremlins whispering ‘that’s for them not for you, you can’t do that, who do you think you are!’
Hopefully you will see, or hear, how passionate I am about people truly understanding that this option for your life reality exists. You can go into it with the mindset of scaling your existing business past that income ceiling you hit.
You can go in with the mindset that you KNOW you’re starting a business and you KNOW the recurring revenue model is what you want because that certainty is important for you before you take the leap.
Or you can go into it with the mindset of I want to start a business but I haven’t got a clue where to start and i’m just going to surround myself with some like minded people, take on some hugely valuable information, maybe dip my toe in the water with a side hustle and generate some extra income.
Or...I'm just curious!!
Lisa’s been on the podcast a few times, has been my friend for a few years and I'm a partner because I fully believe in her work...and I don’t recommend people lightly, I certainly don’t partner with them lightly but she’s the real deal.
If you’ve even listened to just one episode of the podcast I hope you can tell integrity is high on my values list and she’s the same. I’ve watched her over the last few years go from just about hitting the 6 figure mark to £3 million per year, 90% of that is passive or semi passive income. I’ve seen it, I've done it, I know you can do it too if I can just get you to believe in yourself.
I’m living proof of what’s possible. Going from a negative, anxiety ridden, sleep deprived mess with zero self esteem to someone who’s had almost quarter of a million downloads of a podcast teaching people how to change their businesses and their lives. To creating a successful business that I love, in the dream home and launching my own signature group programme teaching people how to overcome stress and overwhelm and live a calm, balanced, happy life not being ruled by your emotions. I mean...that’s some magic to me right there and if I can do it, you absolutely can!
There’s just a few pieces of the puzzle you’re missing right now and the challenge will help you fill in some of those blanks...and so will I, I'll absolutely be in your corner every step of the way. If you sign up through my link bit.ly/franandlisa then my DMs and emails are FULLY open to you. I want you to see that you can do it and one of my super powers is seeing the money generating ideas and I want to do that for you. It’s an easier process than you think!
Let’s call out the elephant in the room now! The challenge will of course lead into her telling you about her amazing One To Many programme, which i’m a partner for and I talked a lot about last year, but she is NOT one of those people that will give you the what but not the how, and I wouldn’t recommend something for you that did because it’s a HUGE bugbear of mine and I’m grateful to you for having me in your ear buds and leeting me share my message. I absolutely don’t want you to waste your time. I want you to see your potential.
You can get results just from the challenge if you take action! I just really want you to have this information, whatever you choose to do with it!
You can absolutely do this.
You get one life and I fully believe we’re supposed to live it doing what we love. So go to bit.ly/franandlisa it’s free, you have absolutely nothing to lose and SO much to gain! I can’t wait to support you!
Fx
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| 15 Oct 2018 | 040 - How To Let Go Of Certainty In Your Business & How To Create A Little! | 00:13:55 | |
How To Let Go Of Certainty In Your Business…& How You Can Find A Little!Show note links: For your list of values head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/certainty/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Let Go Of CertaintyCertainty is something that I see so many entrepreneurs craving. So many people who are trying to go after their dreams and change their lives for the better want that thing that says ‘this is absolutely 100% going to work out just as you plan, go for it!.’ But the reality is it doesn’t quite work like that. Certainty also doesn’t work like that in any other area of your life.
No Such Thing?There really isn’t any such thing as certainty in this game but a form of certainty DOES lie in the things that we tell ourselves and the things that we believe, whether it is ACTUALLY there or not. For example, certainty is not often questioned in a job, the accepted belief is that you’ll stay until you don’t want to stay anymore, it FEELS certain to our brains but it’s not really the true reality. In jobs people get let go, made redundant, roles change, companies go under, bonuses reduce, terms change, all sorts can happen. We just have the perception that it’s ‘safer’ so it FEELS more certain which allows us to relax into it a bit more. We’re searching for something that just doesn’t really come with the territory of being an entrepreneur. And that’s ok. We just need to reframe it to ourselves and get comfortable with it. Waiting for absolute certainty is a sure fire way to delay progress and to self sabotage. Trust me I know!
What Would You Rather?But would you rather struggle and hustle always doing all the things that are making you ‘busy being busy’ and not actually getting anywhere rather than actually put yourself out there just in case it doesn’t quite go according to plan? You can do that sure, but where do you think your business will be in a year? Where do you think you’ll be in a year? Stop hiding, stop letting fear and uncertainty get in your way it’s now or never because all that waiting for everything to be in perfect, not launching because you don’t have all the pieces in place just yet will just mean that the ‘tomorrow’ or ‘next week’ you’re waiting for just won’t come. Our Brains Are Wired For CertaintyThe trouble is our brains are wired for certainty, it craves it and needs it, but as an entrepreneur it just can’t have it. What do I mean by we’re wired for it? You actively get rewarded by your brain for ‘facts’ and ‘information’, lovely little hits of dopamine a plenty. It’s also almost as if you get ‘punished’ for not having all the answers because it activates your threat response and it feels stressful and uneasy and genuinely, to your brain, as if there is a threat to your life. It’s also flipping exhausting trying to predict outcomes all the time so that’s not fun either.
It’s More Stressful!The funny thing is the uncertainty is actually MORE stressful than actually being certain of a negative outcome! For example, When we’re running late for a train and we’re not sure we’re going to make it vs KNOWING we’ve already missed the train. Which is more stressful?
Change The Way You Perceive UncertaintySo we have to change the way our brain perceives it. Our brains will actively make it more difficult for us to go down the entrepreneurial path as it tries to actively avoid this uncertainty. Everything is rooted in the fear centre of our brain and this sends all the alarm bells ringing, stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline aplenty. Our amygdala tries to keep us ‘safe’ protecting us from all these things that just aren’t a threat in this day and age. BUT…there is a little beauty in this backwards way of protecting us. We actually GROW and LEARN more during times of uncertainty. This is one of the reasons pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is SO beneficial. We grow as people and learn about what we can and can’t predict and learn to be more ok with the lack of predictability. So essentially the more we do it the BETTER at it we become. Trust is something you can believe in. When you trust that the outcome will be beneficial in some way no matter what, then again you can learn to be more comfortable with uncertainty. This is why SO many entrepreneurs have a strong spiritual side because faith and trust are hugely important in constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone. So whatever that means to you, whether that’s utmost faith in yourself, the law of attraction or some other kind of higher power, whatever it is it really doesn’t matter because the outcome is the same. Personally, I’ve always had the belief that everything happens for a reason. So much so it’s tattooed on me! I believe that whatever happens something good will always eventually come from it. I believe we can choose to look for the positive and see all the benefits and all the ways that negative thing changed has our lives for the positive and all the things that wouldn’t be in our lives now had it not happened. I’ve lived it a hundred times so I know it to be true…for me! That’s my truth, my trust and my certainty. It doesn’t have to be yours but work out what yours is because when you have that everything becomes easier.
We Don’t Do This Purely Because We Want ToA lot of us entrepreneurs didn’t become so because we just wanted to, more because we felt we needed to. Like we were meant for more. We all know we have certain gifts and talents to give to the world and problems we can solve. It would be selfish to keep to ourselves right? Perhaps we also felt constrained by the traditional idea of a corporate career. So many of us crave freedom but we tie ourselves up in knots and create something that feels like the polar opposite sometimes. Becoming an entrepreneur is the biggest lesson in self development you’ll ever have. Belief systems and stories you had no idea were there come straight to the surface while you try to figure out what it is that’s holding you back. But you get caught up in the practical, the facts, the certainty. There Are Certain Ways That You CAN Get Certainty To A Certain Extent. 😉You can validate your idea. Do your research. Get curious. Treat it all like one big experiment, what certainty are you looking for? Turn ‘uncertainty’ into trust. Don’t fear the bumps and bruises along the way, they’re good for you! They build resilience, they create growth! Certainty will keep you waiting. You can’t predict the future as much as you’d like to. Focus on what IS certain. Your values. Accept what is and isn’t within your control, and on the stuff that isn’t, tune into that trust. Stop looking at uncertainty as an inevitable negative. Thinking about all the negative ‘what ifs’. What if it all goes exactly how you want it, what if it’s even better than you could ever have imagined?! Always reconnect back to why you’re doing this. Not the surface why the BIG why. The why UNDER the why you tell other people ha! This wil drive you and keep you going when things feel tough. If you can let go, let go of all the what ifs, reframe how you think about the worst case scenario and imagine the best instead…because you get to choose to do that… then that’s when it will become more fun and feel more certain. If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! Fx | |||
| 09 Nov 2020 | Practical Ways To Overcome Procrastination | 00:14:18 | |
How to overcome procrastination Show note links:
To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://www.franexcell.com/pppwaitlist/ In the last episode we talked about what procrastination is, what it’s not and how to find out why you might be doing it. If you haven’t listened to that one yet make sure to go there first.
It’s hugely important to work that stuff out first before you can find the ways of overcoming it that are actually going to work for you because it’s highly individual and some of it hugely deeply rooted.
I promised i’d give you some ways to overcome it once you’ve idenitified the what, the why and the how of YOUR procrastination.
So what can we do in practical terms now we understand more about what’s underpinning the issue?
If you know motivation is the issue. What’s behind that lack of motivation?
Are you lacking motivation because you’re in the danger zone - it’s a concept from Tony Vee.
If you were to rate your life right now out of 10, where would it be?
Anything 6 or below is actually a GOOD thing, because you’re motivated enough to change things.
Change only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. That’s a bastardised Tony Robbins quote for you there.
The danger zone is when you’re around a 7/10. Why?? You’re comfortable being uncomfortable.
You’d love for things to change but you’re not motivated enough to do whatever it takes, this can create a low mood and cognitive dissonance, where you feel like 2 parts of you are battling against each other. Then comes good old procrastination!
You consciously want something but your unconscious is working to make damn sure everything stays the same.
So when you know motivation is at the heart of your procrastination, what can you do? Don’t wait to ‘feel like it’ it’s highly likely to never happen.
Go back to WHY you want to do it in the firstplace. But really WHY. Not a surface level one. So whatever you’ve landed on keep asking, and what does that give me? You’ll soon hit the real reason.
Connect to how you’ll feel once it’s done. This is some of the future you connection.
Connect to the consequences of NOT doing it!
Bribe yourself. We’ve talked about the rewards feeling too far away, what can you do to bring the rewards closer? Create icro goals that have a reward along the way. Find a better reward than the avoidance gives you.
Motivation follows action.
Use Mel Robbins 5 second rule to 5-4-3-2-1 and start. Give yourself 5 minutes. Tell yourself you’ll do it for 5 minutes. Research shows that 80% of people who start will keep going!
Put things in place to make it as easy as possible. Accountability is your friend! If I had listened to my MANY excuses when It came to launching The Positive Pants Podcast I would have listened to the ‘I’m no good at tech so there’s no way I can produce my own show’. I would have listened to the ‘there are already so many amazing podcasts with much bigger names who’d want to listen to mine’ or the ‘I don’t have time’ gremlin, the impostor syndrome (all the inevitable mindset gremlins that come along with stepping outside your comfort zone!) I just would have not started...because I didn’t know where to start! I made a commitment to myself that it was going to happen. I knew it was going to be my ‘thing’ and I knew I would love it. BUT, there were some SERIOUS gremlins to get through first. So I put structures in place so I could overcome that (you’ll see why that’s so important shortly!). I paid £700 per month for someone else to set up and produce my show for the first few months but knew it was a crazy monthly outgoing that I didn’t really want to pay for something I COULD do myself if I got over my ego. I did this so I would then be on the hook to listeners and i’d HAVE to learn AND I was 100% accountable to someone else so I had to get the content across. I would have to ‘get over myself’ essentially. Get over my ego, my unconscious thoughts, my limiting beliefs and all that lovely stuff. I started recording them for early access in my group at the same time every week...again, so I was on the hook! Then once I started getting listeners I was on the hook anyway because people were expecting episodes...and here I am excuse free and over 150 episodes later, over 150k download, often in the top 100 and in your earbuds every week it also being my biggest referrer of clients. Public accountability is your friend! So what can you put in place to make it as easy as possible for you? An easy example would also be, if yu want to start running to lay out your clothes at night. If you want to eat better, batch cook your meals. So what can you put in place in your business? Want a few more tangible tips when overwhelm is at the helm? Gotcha covered. Change up your environment - Get rid of any distractions, lock your phone in a drawer or put it in another room. Even knowing it’s there is enough to make you reach for it because you get a dopamine hit every single time! Think about what you can delegate. If it’s outside your zone of genius or you hate doing it, find someone who loves it. Get it off your plate. Then you’re moving forward by stepping back! Chunk things down and have tangible smaller goals so you can get the easy wins! Make sure you’re working to deadlines. This will help with any overwhelm.
My favourite tip for overwhelm is the scary brain dump to do list so you’re always focusing on 3 things you’re looking to achieve, instead of your entire to do list which will NEVER end. I’ve got a template on my website for this but if you have any questions let me know.
Productive procrastination. If you are in the procrastination zone, you can use a state change technique but find your helpful ways to procrastinate so you’re still getting something done that needs doing and you beat yourself up far less. Think cleaning, clearing (helps with the environment!) walk the dog. But the trick is to put a time on it and agree with yourself that after that time you will do 5 minutes work.
Observe it, recognise it, give yourself some compassion.
Learn to regulate your nervous system so the stress response isn’t so strong. You can use my stressed to success meditation for exactly that. You can grab that at https://bit.ly/stressedtosuccess
Most importantly work out the why and the how for YOUR procrastination. From YEARS and over 6 figures invested in my education in this space, thousands of hours spent reading or in the classroom and from my own life experiences...I’ve done the hard leg work to work this stuff out. You have to overcome your unconscious mind. BUT it’s 100%possible Conclusion:
Fx | |||
| 20 May 2020 | Bounce Back Series: Moira Doherty, Business Coach For The Over 45s | 00:37:24 | |
Bounce Back Series: Moira Doherty, Business Coach For The Over 45sShow note links:
If you're a woman over 45 and you're inspired by Moira's story make sure you go find here through any of the links below! Life begins at 45 FB group https://www.facebook. Moira Doherty Business Coach FB page https://www.facebook.com/ Moira's website : lifebeginsat45.com and https://www. Welcome back to The Bounce Back Series. I have a treat for you today in the form of Moira Doherty, a previous client of mine who is talking the world by storm!
As a 61-year-old serial entrepreneur, she is now shining the light on women aged 45 and over, who feel they have missed their career opportunity in life and help them fulfil their own dreams. Moira wants them to know anything is possible, and she hopes her success later in life, shows what can be achieved.
Moira’s movement for older women, is called “life Begins at 45” and is rapidly growing. These are women who want to stand up and be counted and feel there’s something more for them out there, much like she did 30 years ago when she embarked on running her first business.
Moira's success has been super quick and has been born out of a time of great sadness for her. She really is the epitome of showing up for yourself and living life to the fullest.
If you're a woman over 45 and you're inspired by Moira's story make sure you go join her free group HERE.
Enjoy! | |||
| 11 May 2020 | Replay Series: Why You Need To Watch Your Thoughts! | 00:15:42 | |
Replay Series: Why You Need To Watch Your Thoughts!
Access SubliminialPower HERE (Affiliate link because it’s awesome!) Welcome back to the replay series of The Positive Pants Podcast. I love this episode because it follows on so nicely from Stories and really explains why we need to make the unconscious conscious.
In this episode we talk about how your thoughts lead to behaviour which will result in either getting...or not getting exactly what you want...or think will happen.
When you can understand the basics of this you can really start to leverage it to your advantage and become more aware.
Especially while we're in the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic it's more important than ever to watch those thoughts and have a really solid level of awareness of the things we say to ourselves and how it shapes our behaviour and can cause us to self sabotage BIG time.
Enjoy! | |||
| 19 Jun 2023 | You Get To Be Picky! | 00:10:50 | |
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You Get To Be Picky!
You get to be picky about who and what you allow in your life.
True story.
One I had to learn for myself in many, many ways!
With friends, in relationships, situations I would constantly find myself repeating.
Urgh…we’ve all been there!
And the beauty is you’ll always be learning.
I’m constantly surprising myself on the daily with some of this stuff ha!
All those little ‘ooooh I wouldn’t have said or done THAT before’ moments that make the hard work worth it.
Of course sometimes there’s going to be less of a choice in what you can be picky about, that’s always going to be the case, but often there’s MORE of one that we’re not allowing ourselves to see.
So many of us were taught as kids to ‘do as we’re told’ and if we didn’t there would be negative consequences.
We might have been taught we have to be polite or else there’s negative consequences.
We might have been taught we have to spend time with people we don’t want to.
Play nice with people who don’t play nice with us.
Like people because we’ve been told we should or have to. Maybe because they’re in our family or family friends circle.
You might have literally just been taught it’s not good, or desirable to be ‘picky’ about anything! Think of phrases like ‘you get what you’re given’.
It’s important to caveat this, like I do everytime I talk about the things that we learn as kids, this along with many other things has always been considered totally ‘normal’ for want of a better word.
It can be very innocent and no harm intended and remember people are only ever doing their best based on the resources and awareness they have themselves. So we steer clear of blaming and shaming anyone else in our quest for what I call ‘the great unlearn’!
We have to unlearn a huge amount of what we were taught as kids because it’s not relevant, or helpful now as adults. And often completely untrue as adults.
And we do that piece by piece, not in one go.
This is where the self awareness work becomes so important, so we make sure we’re looking at it from the perspective of ‘ohhhh this is why I think or do that, that makes total sense’.
It becomes ‘yeay me and my brain and nervous system for protecting me!’
Instead of judging ourselves or anyone else.
And this little piece is one of those such things.
You get to be picky about who and what you allow into your space, into your energy to take your time.
You get to do that.
If you have a boss you don’t like or get on with, can you change teams or move companies?
You get to be picky about who is in your friendship circle.
You get to be picky about your relationships. On this one it’s worth noting there is far more to breaking ingrained patterns than simply cognitively knowing or telling yourself you get to choose. It definitely requires work. But that’s all part of the choice you’re making to not repeat the same patterns and to change the game in your own life.
You get to be picky about your environment.
You get to be picky about who you allow to take up space in your life.
You get to be picky about the clients you take on.
You get to be picky about whose company you keep.
It’s being able to say, ok, I don’t like this, what CAN I do about it?
I’m not saying the options are always ideal, or easy, and of course privilege is always going to help in all areas, but they are options and you’re capable of incredible things.
The problems come when we don’t think we have options. Because you’re not going to make peace with that. You’ll feel that sense of injustice. But once you see that you can make a decision, and it’s more within your control…it changes the game in terms of how you feel day to day.
I always think it’s a good idea to do little ‘audits’ of these things.
Who or what has a positive influence in your life.
Who or what has a negative influence in your life.
Who or what doesn’t bring nor take away.
Then get picky about how much time you spend in each!
On the tasks, in the places, with the people.
When you do the work around this and you grow in your own worth, values and boundaries, just watch how quickly the right people come into your life.
Watch how your relationships transform.
Watch how every area of your life improves.
You can’t do any of it without awareness of your own patterns.
If you don’t do it you’re just going to repeat the same patterns of familiarity, which for most of us, don’t tend to be good for us.
Seek support.
Seek the stories of other people going through similar things.
Seek the stories of triumph over adversity.
Seek the experiences that prove your current beliefs wrong and allow you to relax into yourself and rewire old traumas and patterns with the new information.
That’s the good stuff.
Fx | |||
| 16 Jul 2018 | 027 - Do You Have Shiny Object Syndrome? | 00:14:34 | |
Shiny Object Syndrome And How To Avoid It Shiny object syndrome is REAL. And something that will hit us all at some point as an entrepreneur. OK it’s not anything to do with literal shiny things…but it may as well be. It’s the idea of getting distracted by the next thing that we ‘need’ or ‘want’ that takes us away from the task at hand…until the next one comes along! Shiny object syndrome is like entrepreneurial ADD. It’s one of the biggest and often most destructive things afflicting entrepreneurs left right and centre. It Got Me Too I was a HUGE sufferer of this particular affliction and ended up spending a fortune (we’re talking multi 5 figures here…not a small amount!) on all the things I absolutely NEEDED before I could move forward in my business. The reality was it just made me feel busy being busy, not achieving anything fast and feeling pretty stuck and frustrated. A huge part of why this affects us is our own self doubt so it is a naughty little mindset gremlin disguised as something much more practical so can sometimes be more difficult to spot. I needed the BEST course on Pinterest, Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, Memberships, Online Marketing, ALL the expensive systems, ALL the memberships, ALL the courses, ALL the tools (helloooooo Appsumo!) and if I didn’t have them then clearly my business was doomed to fail! But what it actually did was, even though I had all these resources and training from the best of the best, it held me back from taking the action in my business that I needed to.
What’s Underneath The Shiny Object? Underneath it all was a fear that I didn’t know enough and a feeling of HAVING to be in all the places, to have all the things, in order to be successful. But also excuses. Excuses to not do the hard stuff, to not push myself outside my comfort zone. Giving myself permission to not do the things that would absolutely get things moving. If you don’t nip it in the bud it will cost you a fortune and WILL hold you back. It will keep you in a loop of being the eternal student when you could actually be making more money by focusing on things that will actually move the needle. Often I see comparisonitis at the route of shiny object syndrome. That feeling of ‘if i’m not on X platform then i’m not good enough’ ‘if X entrepreneur that I aspire to be like is on X platform then I HAVE to be!’ Wasting time jumping on the next social media platform and following 20 different people essentially teaching the same thing from a slightly different angle but then getting TOTALLY confused about what the right thing to do actually is.
What Happens If You Don’t Sort This? If you don’t get it in check it will mean you end up with a million ‘projects’ on the go but never finishing any of them or giving any of them a chance to start actually seeing results. You’ll feel overwhelmed as your to do list gets bigger and bigger but nothing is actually moving. Your strategy, plans and goals go out the window. You’ll be seriously down on cashish too!!! It works both ways too…for things that you buy that you ‘ABSOLUTELY NEED’ but also creating products and investing time and energy into things you absolutely ‘have’ to do or your business will be a failure…but you never actually give yourself a chance to get ONE THING right. You’ll be a distracted jack of all trades….and master of none!
Any Of This Sound Familiar? Everybody has an online course so I must have an online course. Everybody has a membership site so I must have a membership site. Everybody has a book so I must have a book. Everybody has a facebook group so I must have a facebook group. The list goes on. You can see how it can be exhausting and keep you stuck but underneath it is often a lack of confidence in what you’re doing. So tune into that. When you feel the draw towards another product to buy or create ask yourself, what is underneath this? Do I have a fear? What is it? Is this really right for my business? Would following it through be in line with my values and how I want to live my life?
Sneaky Sneaky Procrastination Gremlin It’s also a very sneaky form of procrastination. It’s disguised as productivity but actually it’s taking you away from your end goal. You might FEEL productive but sometimes this shiny object can be just the ‘excuse’ you need to not finish the project that is really going to put yourself out there, that’s going to push you outside of your comfort zone but could actually drive the needle in your business. So make sure you pay attention and look out for that sneaky mcsneakerson!
Is It Harder Than You Thought? You might feel like when you start really trying something and realise it’s harder than you thought and you have a little meltdown and look for reasons (excuses!) to get out. You’re always looking at the grass on the other side of the fence! Remember, ‘The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it!’ Remember you don’t have the whole picture, the bottom line is unless you’re a unicorn these things take time to work and grow. It’s very easy for other people to make it look effortless but the reality is often not as it seems. But the worst thing is you start to think there’s something wrong with you. You’re doing all this work and not getting anywhere. You’ll be spinning your wheels! You’ll never stick with anything long enough to actually make it work. You’re expectations are that as soon as you start doing something it should deliver immediate effects, that’s something in the industry that is broken resulting in expectations that are too high and a feeling of impatience. You feel like when you don’t have that result that the ‘unicorn’ you bought from did (when algorithms and the landscape were TOTALLY different to how they are now, for you….come on guys a little transparency would be nice!!) you feel like there MUST be something wrong with you. Well…there’s not! You just need a little more focus and to get to those underlying thoughts and feelings that are keeping you there and prove to yourself that they aren’t actually true.
How Can You Stop This Getting In Your Way? Don’t give up, don’t quit. Have patience. Exercise some self discipline. Prioritise what will move the needle. Stick to your goals. Pick ONE person to follow in ONE field AFTER you’ve prioritised your platforms and where you’re at right now. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Reward yourself for completing tasks. Be honest about what story you’re actually telling yourself. Look out for ‘If I get this course this will be the thing that I NEED’ Always KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid! I have to remind myself of this all the time, for the longest time I wasn’t sticking to anything, I was over complicating things and spreading myself too thin and that does NOTHING good to your mindset let me tell you! Block out the noise and stay in your own lane. Do what you WANT to do, not what you SHOULD do and make sure you’re being honest with yourself when you’re looking for an easy way out and making excuses so you can stay inside your comfort zone. You need to DECIDE. Make a decision to STOP BUYING THE THINGS and DECIDE to focus on making one thing work before moving onto the next. If you want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability then come join me in my private community below or book in a free discovery call to see if we’re a good fit to work together!! Fx
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| 08 May 2023 | Essential Listening - Start Here! | 00:06:00 | |
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Essential Listening
Today i’m doing something a little bit different and i’m going to keep it short and sweet because I’m sending you elsewhere.
It’s occurred to me that there are approximately 300 episodes of The Positive Pants Podcast.
300!!!!
That’s a LOT to listen to and I feel like sometimes it’s hard to know where to start.
Particularly if you’re new here and wanting to bag yourself some quick wins in understanding yourself and understanding how you tick as a human and how to create lasting change and find that sweet sweet self compassion that so many of us are chasing.
There are a few episodes that I believe are essential reading and they will all be linked up in the show notes.
When you fundamentally understand the themes in these episodes a whole world opens up in my opinion.
So the episodes I’ve picked to get you the quickest wins are as follows.
Number one, i’ve recommended a fair few times but I really believe it’s fundamental to anyone’s healing journey and that is my interview with Stefan Chmelik, inventor of the Sensate device.
This is a great episode where we dig into how the nervous system works. Why some people really struggle to meditate and how to start to heal your nervous system to become a calmer, less anxious more resilient version of yourself.
The second episode i’ve picked is How Are You Wiring Your Brain. It’s so fundamental to figure out what’s driving your thoughts and behaviour because so much of it is easily changed with a shift in what we’re wiring in on a daily basis.
The third is What Is The Enneagram And How Can It Help. I’m always talking about how self awareness is the number one thing that you need when it comes to changing anything in your life. I dig into how The Enneagram profiling tool is a HUGE short cut to that. It really is a gamechanger.
The fourth is Why You Are Not Your Thoughts. Most people go through life just blindly believing every thought that pops into their heads. It’s perfectly natural and how were wired on autopilot BUT when you can grasp how wrong this is, again, it can super charge your healing process.
And I think those 4 are more than enough to get you on your way to knowing with absolute certainty that you’re capable of change, you’re capable of anything!
And as always, thank you so much for being here!
Fx
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| 05 Sep 2022 | How To Handle Feelings Of Scarcity | 00:19:24 | |
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How To Handle Feelings Of Scarcity
I feel like now is a very good time to talk about how to handle feelings of scarcity with all the constant bombardment of talk around the cost of living crisis, rising inflation and recession.
Oof it’s a biggie.
The trouble is that is what often perpetuates the issues and causes things to get worse in some sort of ironic vicious cycle.
I need to caveat this whole episode because I of course can’t talk to every single person's individual situation right now and this episode is NOT about financial advice because I'm not a financial advisor, accountant or in any way qualified to give it.
What I am qualified to do is to try and help give a shift in perspective and talk about the best tools at your disposal to help you manage those feelings of scarcity.
There are always going to be practical things to take into consideration.
However, the mental and psychological aspect of scarcity can often feel even worse than the reality.
The reason I want to talk about this today is because I'm seeing people really become unstuck at the seams at the moment and making big rash decisions, largely due to the sheer amount of scaremongering that’s going on in the media.
The financial situation in the UK and other parts of the world is a very real concern for a huge amount of people AND it can be made ten times worse when we’re not properly looking at our own individual situations but we’re also comparing ourselves to other people at the same time.
The media can’t report YOUR unique situation and I can’t talk to it either so this episode is about trying to get a handle on a few practical mindset exercises that you can do and to give you a potential shift in perspective or alternative viewpoint and get you out of the threat response that could be causing you to fight, flight or freeze right now.
When we’re in fight or flight mode our prefrontal cortex literally goes offline.
We need our prefrontal cortex as the CEO of our brains for conscious, rational thought, decision making, rational thinking.
With that offline we’re stuck in fear mode and autopilot and that’s not helpful and you cannot make good decisions from that place.
If you’re running a business, scarcity is never a good place to be. You will not take good actions from that place so it needs to be looked at.
So where do we start trying to shift this a little?
Firstly, look at your own finances.
I always recommend clients have a REAL picture of their finances. Personal and business.
I personally do this with multiple tracking spreadsheets for business and personal that are super easy to manage (I’m an enneagram 6, of course I’m prepared for anything ha!) I know exactly what’s coming in and what’s going out.
I know exactly how much my business costs per month and what my personal expenses are and know exactly what I NEED to make in the business to live how I want and what to pay myself every month.
Just having this information takes away a huge amount of anxiety and gives you a lot of control back.
Plus it stops the ‘I MUST have ‘10k months or I’m not good enough and my business isn’t successful’ mindset that’s infiltrated your brain from all the marketing messages out there.
That’s my next tip.
Think about what messages have infiltrated your brain (and WHY, who does it benefit you having them) vs what’s actually reality.
Marketing is rife with ‘not enough’ messaging because that’s what keeps you buying. Remember that. You could easily have a 6 figure business with no money to pay yourself AND you can have a £40k per year business and have loads of personal disposable income.
These things can exist at the same time and it’s one of the many reasons why you should never compare your finances to someone else’s because it really means absolutely nothing and you NEVER have the whole picture.
You could very easily cancel tonnes of memberships or subscriptions but before you do, really look at them.
What makes you feel good?
What makes your life easier?
What could make a big difference for you if instead of cancelling you actually decided to USE?
Think of the bigger picture.
As an example, I have a health membership that I barely look at. It would be easy to say that’s a ‘non essential’ but I wholeheartedly don’t agree.
I get amazing tips in there (even though I'm barely in it) that I do implement.
Having the membership (even though I'm barely there) holds my health in my consciousness day to day and in turn it makes me healthier.
I make better choices and health is a huge focus for me at the moment. It’s also a comfort to know there are lots of recipes and recommendations in there if I choose to use them and I know I can go and get a question answered in the group if I choose to. See what I’m saying?
There’s always another way to look at something.
So now we’re a little clearer on the actual picture in front of us and feeling a little more in control. Let's look at the next step, it’s a controversial one in the online business industry and one I've always gone against the grain with.
Get a job!
I said what I said!
Job is not a dirty word. Jobs are investors into your business.
They’re also ways to KEEP going and moving towards your dreams in my opinion. Especially when there’s so much uncertainty.
It could be full time, part time, contract, freelance. Lots of potential options.Particularly now so many of them are remote working. It really opens up some new doors.
The only people who have told you that having a job is a ‘bad’ thing and means you aren’t successful or your business isn’t successful and you aren’t good enough are the marketers that stand to profit from your fear around that.
When I had both my job and my business the enneagram 6 in me was SO happy.
While instead of fearing redundancy and job losses I was happy as Larry knowing I had my business income if I lost my job.
In my business I was always happy as Larry because I never had to do anything ‘because of the money’. I could be very picky over who I worked with and never made decisions from a place of lack or scarcity. How bloomin glorious.
Yes it helped that I enjoyed my job. That was a privilege but I've absolutely done my fair share of shockers for the greater good.
I only left my job when it got in the way of some of the big things I really wanted to do in my business because there was a conflict of interest. Otherwise in all honesty I think I'd still have it.
I know SO many hugely successful business owners that also have jobs. It’s a total fallacy that having one means you’re not successful. It’s made up. Do what’s right for you. It’s absolutely personal preference.
The bottom line is if you’re in scarcity and panicking about paying your bills you will not feel good and you will not make good decisions. Recurring revenue, whether that’s from payment plans or a job it really doesn’t matter. You know your bills are paid and that gives you freedom in itself.
On that note, for my glorious listeners who are in jobs and don’t have businesses, why not start a side hustle. For exactly the same reasons!
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something you enjoy.
Do you love making things?
Do you create art?
Can you start an Etsy shop?
Can you teach music lessons locally?
Do you love gardening?
Could you be a tutor?
Mark exams?
Back in the day when I was trying to figure out my life after it imploded I made a pros and cons lists of everything I could or would enjoy doing (very enneagram 6 of me of course!)
One of the things I put down on my little map of ‘Fran’s passions and skills’ was finding bargains and selling them on for profit. I ADORE charity shops and car boot sales and I find countless treasures that could be sold on for more. I get a BIG kick out of it.
Tonnes of it you can even get for free, particularly on Facebook marketplace and Nextdoor.
If you also want a few ideas on upcycling as an option too go check out one of my absolute business besties Abi Hugo over @thewhitethistle because she’s always turning free stuff into GORGEOUS creations that could sell for a fortune.
On that note and based on last week's episode, have a big declutter and sell what you’re going to chuck on ebay or facebook marketplace etc. There are lots of other options too now, I think vinted is one i’ve seen but I can’t speak for how good it is.
Get on community sharing apps, Nextdoor and Olio are the two biggest I know of.
There are also community Facebook groups where people are often doing swaps or giving things away for free.
Lastly for today, check your thoughts.
I’m always saying we have to ‘deal in truth’ with ourselves.
This requires being curious and conscious of our thoughts. Grab your journal!
What’s going on for you right now?
What are the thoughts around money coming up for you right now?
Are they true?
Are they based in truth and fact?
Are they based in the present?
Or are you future tripping and feeling out of control?
Remembering that we are not our thoughts and that we are the observer of our thoughts is a life changer.
You do not have to believe everything that pops into your head.
Find those thoughts, write them down and consciously challenge them.
Do the somatic work that is going to soothe your nervous system and bring you back into balance and let your prefrontal cortex come back on line and back into the driver's seat. EFT/tapping, Meditation, breathwork or yoga for example.
Prioritise looking after yourself and actively helping your nervous system.
Allow yourself to think outside the box and see all the potential possibilities.
Like I say, I'm not giving you advice, I'm hopefully simply sparking some potential ideas! (I am not a financial advisor in any way!)
This is absolutely not an exhaustive list of ideas either. These are just the ones literally off the top of my head.
The bottom line is there are SO many ways to bring in some extra income but if you’re stuck in fight or flight you won’t see them.
It’s even more important to shift the thoughts and beliefs around what you’re making doing any of these things ‘mean’ about you as a person!
There are often SO many more options in front of us but if you can’t even think straight to look you won’t find them.
Be conscious of what you consume media-wise and allow yourself to challenge it.
Remember…You have got this.
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| 10 May 2021 | Why Emotional Regulation Is So Important! | 00:12:00 | |
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Why Emotional Regulation Is So Important In Business!
Why is emotional regulation so important in business?
It’s fundamental because your emotions are a HUGE piece of the pie in terms of what drives your behaviour.
It’s not just fundamental in business, it’s a skill that is fundamental in your whole life.
This is what I'm going to be talking about in depth in this week's SOS! (success over stress) group programme module. It’s HUGELY important to understand our emotions and how it shapes our behaviour and our results.
Your emotions create physiological, hormonal and psychological changes. These influence your thoughts and behaviour!
Big news!
We’re not actually taught how to handle our emotions, or that we can really have any influence at all.
We kind of just accept them or learn to suppress them.
We only really know what parents and primary caregivers taught us about emotional regulation. But what if THEY weren’t really taught by their primary caregivers.
The important thing here is to note the generational differences. We’re essentially being taught emotional regulation of ‘the time’.
Taking into account what was and wasn’t acceptable in society at that time.
A huge amount of unconscious bias comes into the way we’re taught to be humans.
If you want to understand more about unconscious bias I did an episode specifically on that in 2020.
So you can see how this cycle continues.
We kind of go through life suppressing emotions or letting them take over.
We might learn as children that it’s not ‘ok’ to feel or express our emotions.
But even if you suppress them. They’re still there. They will come out in other ways.
But something that’s also important to know is that you can’t make good, conscious decisions in the midst of an emotional hijack.
Making decisions is something we need to do all the time as a business owner.
Not ideal.
Now, to be abundantly clear, ALL emotions ARE welcome. They are not to be demonised. They are helpful indicators.
BUT, if you don’t know how to regulate them, you can get in a pickle.
Think about a time in your business when something happened that made you feel anxious, or scared, or frustrated.
How did it feel?
How did it affect your ability to do things?
If it was a sympathetic nervous system response, it might cause you to speed up, make mistakes, go into fight or flight, say something you don’t really mean, make rash decisions.
If it’s a parasympathetic nervous system response, it might cause you to freeze, people please or not be able to do much of anything.
The Limbic system in the brain is your emotional brain.
Home to the amygdala (fear centre), the hippocampus (memory centre) Hypothalamus (regulates the Autonomic Nervous System and controls endocrine, or hormone system. So responsible for releasing Adrenaline and cortisol. And for the fight/flight, rest/digest response.) They’re all talking to each other.
There’s something called ‘going limbic’ which is where your limbic system totally overrides your prefrontal cortex which is your higher level, executive functioning.
Your IQ literally lowers.
How do you think this affects your behaviour in those moments?
So, as a business owner, or in a high stress job, where you’re reacting all the time to potentially ‘threatening’ stimuli.
What do you think is going to happen?
Some common things might be snapping, shouting, crying, lacking focus, taking things personally, blaming.
Emotional regulation is self control and the ability to be able to bring yourself back into balance at will.
So how do you regulate your emotions?
There are a tonne of ways! I put 55 tools and techniques in the members area of the first round of my SOS! (Success over stress) group programme. I know I'll be adding more in as we go along.
But think about what calms you down and gets you back on track?
There are cognitive tools like reframing, labelling and journaling.
There are somatic tools like breathwork, heartmath, movement.
My favourites are always singing and dancing. Singing helps tone your vagus nerve and the dancing helps the emotions to move through you too so you don’t get stuck in an incomplete stress cycle.
It sounds so counterintuitive to be in the midst of ‘going limbic’ and dancing or singing but trust me it works!
This is why that programme even needs to exist.
How does it feel to be hijacked by your emotions? You do things you wouldn’t normally. You can feel in a heightened state of panic or anxiety. Everything feels harder!
But we don’t have to be ruled by them in this way.
Meditation is another amazing emotional regulation tool. Mindfulness.
It’s operating that ability to command yourself.
So taking you out of the limbic brain and waking up your prefrontal cortex so you can rationally think things through and make better decisions.
Sounds much better right?
The other thing we need to be aware of is that emotions are contagious.
You’ve probably been around someone who’s super stressed, how do you feel?
You’ve probably been around someone who’s super calm and patient, how do you feel?
It’s emotional intelligence, right? Being able to recognise yours and other people's emotions.
Self awareness and self regulation are two huge pieces of the puzzle.
Think about it, if you have the ability to regulate your emotions how different would it feel when you have setbacks? When people let you down? When a client doesn’t treat you well? When you have to give a refund? When you feel like you’re trying all the things but not getting the results you want yet? When you get a no? When something happens you were totally unprepared for?
Think about what your normal reaction might be in those situations and compare it to what it might be like if you were able to regulate your emotions.
Big difference right?
I believe the ability to recognise and regulate your emotions is paramount in living a life that you love, especially in running a business.
By its very nature it’s stressful because to do it, usually we have to go against so many of societies ‘norms’ about what’s safe and what’s not.
We go head to head with our own trauma.
Our brain and our nervous system will fight us the whole way if we don’t know how to help create ourselves a new base line of safety.
How many times have certain thoughts come up for you and stopped you in your tracks? The comparison, the i’m not good enoughs, the beliefs of it’s for them not for me. Our ego playing hard ball to try and keep us in the familiar.
If you don’t know your way around this stuff, how to be present with your emotions. How not to demonise them and see them as messengers and indicators rather than something to be suppressed or denied.
How not to blame and shame yourself for your own emotions when it’s part of being human.
THIS is the work that’s important in business...and in life.
You can have all the strategies in the world and that’s great, but not in isolation.
You need to know you can, and learn how to work with your emotions and self regulate.
BUT, this IS a skill you can learn. It’s not your fault you haven’t been taught it. It’s absolutely something you can learn. Make that your priority for a while and see the changes unfold!
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| 08 Nov 2021 | Why Do You Struggle To Ask For Support? | 00:11:39 | |
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Why do you struggle to accept support?
Why do so many people struggle to accept support?
This is a biggie and one I can certainly relate to myself.
Not when I was younger, then I usually felt like I COULDN’T do anything without someone’s help.
I learned pretty quickly that I would be labelled ‘needy’, or ‘weak’ by other people.
Quick trigger warning, I'm going to very briefly talk about my first real relationship which was emotionally abusive. I won’t give any specifics but I want to talk about it to help you frame the behaviour. (and if you DO resonate, I really hope it shows you that change and healing is so possible!)
I definitely learned that no one was coming to rescue me during that time. I’d been pretty isolated from my friends and relied on him for everything.
In the year it took me to leave him, I learned that I needed to be strong, that no one else was going to take responsibility for me and I had to build up my own confidence. That happened slowly but it absolutely happened.
But while I can see now that relationship taught me independence and that I was way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for...in the end!! For that I’m grateful.
But the issue was I then wore that fierce independence as a badge of honour and sense of identity. It was something I was very proud of.
But it stopped me ever asking anyone for help, with anything, because it would trigger those feelings of helplessness. Of weakness. (notice I say ‘feelings of, not that I was those things!) Of going back to that younger version of me who felt incapable or even a burden.
The desire to feel supported and frustration that you don’t. At the same time causing that very to happen by thoughts like ‘urgh, i’ll just do it myself’ or preempting that someone will let you down so you do the thing anyway and then resent it, even though you actually haven’t given the other person a chance to prove you wrong and actually let them support you. That’s how it would show up for me. It might be different for you.
So it’s something I've definitely worked on over the years and was an important behaviour to pick apart, because in many ways it held me back.
This is why awareness is important. The behaviour of not asking for help made total sense to my nervous system, it was the ‘safer’ option because the alternative was being controlled, manipulated and feeling awful about myself on a daily basis and living in a constant state of hypervigilance...and it’s always going to prioritise survival and doesn’t have a moral compass about what’s good or bad, so I don’t judge myself or beat myself up for it one bit.
But that awareness helps me make the changes I want and need to so I can create behaviours that DO serve me now. And to do that, it has to feel ‘safe’ in your body.
When there’s an unconscious programme running around not asking for, or even just accepting support it’s a sure fire route to burnout, things taking longer than they need to and you feeling unsupported...even though that’s of your own making!
It can be like you’re desperate to feel supported...and yet not allowing anyone to support you because you won’t ask...and if they offer, your go to reaction is ‘no i’m fine’.
So if you can relate, let’s unpick it a little shall we?
Think of this from the frame of asking for support. That might be about outsourcing and delegating. It might be about emotional support such as a coach or a community that you’re in. Or NOT joining something because you think you won’t ‘use’ the support available. It might be about being able to express your needs for support to your loved ones. Or it might be all of the above!
There are many reasons we might not ask for or struggle to accept help and it will be different for all of us. So grab your journal and we’ll go through a few common ones and you can find the awareness you need to be able to make a different choice, should you want to.
So here we go...
You see asking for help, or accepting it, as a sign of weakness, it might even conflict with who you think you are at an identity level. If you identify as the strong, independent one it might feel pretty vulnerable and confronting to ask for help.
But also...You worry about what other people may think. How it might ‘look’ if you ask for help. What are you making it mean? And what story are you telling yourself about what THEY might make it mean? (This is a particularly big one if you have access to a community and don’t want to/feel you can’t use support that’s available in there)
You don’t trust people. Or don’t trust people to do things as well as you.
You believe people will let you down so you don’t give them the chance to try.
You’re used to overachieving and feeling no one will do as good a job as you. Again here it might be a concern around what other people think if you were to ask for help.
You’re a people pleaser who struggles to ask for help because you’re always focused on others. Or you may feel like you’re inconveniencing someone else.
It might make you feel like you’ve ‘failed’ in some way.
You might have seen the same behaviour from your primary caregivers and you just learned that you don’t ask for or accept help. You will have assigned meaning to it then. What might be that story?
So what might it be for you?
Where does the behaviour make sense?
What could change for you if you accepted help and support?
Would you be able to outsource more? Have a team? Therefore freeing up more of your time. Taking the pressure off.
The bottom line is. It’s a learned behaviour. It made sense for your nervous system and brain to wire itself that way based on your unique set of experiences. But good old neuroplasticity means it can be Re-wired. But you have to start with the awareness piece of the puzzle first so you can bring it into the conscious mind and OUT of unconscious autopilot.
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| 21 May 2018 | 019 - Out Of Overwhelm And Into Action! | 00:15:42 | |
How To Not Stop Feeling Overwhelmed And Start Taking Action On A Big Task
Really trying to achieve something big but feeling overwhelmed and trapped in that state of not doing anything instead? Feeling Overwhelmed can really make you procrastinate. Procrastination IS the thief of joy, it will stop you doing those things you really want to do and need to do to achieve the things you want. In this context i’m talking about when you’re trying to achieve or create something HUGE, like start a business, write a book, declutter the entire house. All those things where focusing on the overall task seems too big and too scary so it just sits there in the ‘I’d love to but…’ list and you’re right there, making a TONNE of excuses as to why you aren’t doing it. I don’t have enough time, i’m not good enough, who am I to ‘XYZ’, I can’t because ‘XYZ’…can you relate?
The Big Things Are The Hard Things But They Make The Biggest Difference!This can be applied to really anything that feels like a HUGE task and you are stuck feeling overwhelmed and not getting anywhere fast. You get stuck in paralysis, start surfing social media or ‘just one more episode’ of your netflix binge and pretty sharpish you don’t take the action you need to and stay exactly where you’re at. Panic not my friend. There are a few key ways to get yourself through this and i’ve got your back.
Get ClarityWhat are you doing and WHY are you doing it. The what is the easy part, work through what feels right for you, if you were to explain what you’re doing to someone else would they ‘get’ it, does it make ‘sense’ or is it a higgledy piggledy mess in your head that needs to be stripped back and worked out? The WHY is for the moments that you struggle. What will it get you once it’s done, what will your life look like, how will it feel. Connecting to this will get you through all the sticky moments where you feel like you could just quit.
Make A Decision!Once you have the clarity around the task at hand…You have to decide to move, to take the action and get going. Think of a time where you’ve procrastinated and procrastinated over something but as soon as you DO manage to get going, then you feel like you’re on a roll and there’s no stopping you. You’ve just got to push through the initial resistance. I call it the 15 minute rule. You say ok, i’ll do 15 minutes of this and then I have complete permission to stop if I feel I need to. More often than not you will find you get into the flow and just get going. And if not, you’ve done 15 minutes worth, it’s a step in the right direction.
Ask Yourself Where The Pressure Is Coming From.Honesty time. Are you putting self imposed deadlines on yourself which is leading to you feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and under pressure?? Do you REALLY have to get it done today, or could you actually get it done next week? Just be honest with yourself. I’m awful for this. I’m very efficient and like to get things off my list so I was certainly always guilty of this one. So, I always have to check in and give myself a gut check and ask if my deadlines are MY deadlines which are MY decision, or someone else’s legitimate deadline. Am I just busy being busy? What happens if I don’t do this one thing?
Don’t Focus On The Big Scary Goal That Requires ALL THE THINGS!Looking at the task as a whole is ALWAYS going to feel overwhelming. Look at each individual goal as its own entity. Focus on the now, not the future. Focus on the tasks that are going to move the needle and get things done the fastest. Usually it’s a handful of tasks that create the majority of the result. Pareto’s 80:20 rule where 20% of the work will lead to 80% of the result.
Break It Down.Here’s an example I used with one of my clients who had been wanting to write a book for 5 years. Instead of looking at a book as OMG I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE BOOK!!!! Think this way: Book – Chapters – Words per chapter – Words per day to achieve finishing a book in the time frame you want. So instead of telling yourself ‘I have to write a book today’. CUE PANIC! It turns to ‘I have to write 2,000 words today’…which i’ve pretty much done in about an hour…right here…done! To give you another example. We just got the keys to our new house and as always happens you think when you buy it ‘oh it’s in great nick, we could just move in and not have to decorate at all’. Then the owners move out and you see where every single picture was on the walls, all the stains and discolouration on the floors, the leaky tap, and then you realise you have a mammoth task ahead. So instead of ‘OMG I have to decorate the whole freaking house’ freak out, break it down. What rooms are REALLY a priority? What needs to be done that would be the quickest and easiest way for us to move in? What needs to be done in each of those rooms? Just break tasks down further and further until you can see clearly what needs to be done rather than focusing on the whole enormous ‘I don’t know where to start’ task. Just work out the best place to start!
PrioritiseThis part requires you to get REALLY honest with yourself about what REALLY actually needs to get done, and what is just a distraction. You can NOT tackle everything at once so don’t try. There is this myth that as women multitasking is something we’re great at. The reality is it’s not good for ANYONE. Your brain really doesn’t like flitting between tasks. It actually makes tasks take LONGER and makes you lack focus. Get really honest with yourself and when you look at your list ask if it’s REALLY a priority….or even necessary at all!
Decide Whether You’re Going To Eat The Frog Or The Elephant!This one is up to you and how you best work and how you will get your own feeling of accomplishment. There are two schools of thought here and both are effective, There’s no right or wrong. Brian Tracy wrote ‘Eat that Frog’ and the concept is you take the biggest, ugliest task on your list and tackle that first, then everything after that feels so much more easy and you’ll get a huge sense of accomplishment for tackling the big scary task first, and BONUS you will also grow in confidence. The second school of thought is that ‘you can’t eat an elephant in one go, but you can one bite at a time’. SO this is about the small baby steps that combine create the big things. So the question is, which one is going to work for you? Are you more of a pull up your big girl pants and do the tough thing first and power on through? Or do you know your brain needs a slightly softer touch and slow and steady wins the race? Neither are better or worse, neither are right or wrong, it’s all about being honest with yourself and who you are and how you best work. Give them both a try and see how you get on. I’ve been known to do both depending on how my day has been, that’s totally cool too. It’s all about taking action in the right way for you, but always taking SOME action.
Scary Brain Dump To Do List.This is a fave of mine because you still have EXACTLY the same amount to do but the head space you clear and the time you save from not worrying or procrastinating over all the things you have to do is invaluable! Split a horizontal page into 3. On the left write down everything you can think of that you need to do. In the middle be really honest and pick everything that HAS to be done THIS WEEK. Then in the right every day ON THE DAY take 3 things from the middle list and just do those! If you get through them super quick then great feel free to add another one. The sense of achievement you’ll feel will be soooo much better than the usual overwhelm. (You can purchase mine in my Etsy shop right here)
Schedule Specific Time To Work On It.What this will do is give you permission to switch off once your outside of that schedule, instead of feeling guilty for taking time for yourself. Which is a NON-NEGOTIABLE! You must take time for yourself or you WILL burn out….trust me I know! You’ve got to operate from a full tank. Making sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating the right things. If you don’t this DOES make things feel harder so don’t ignore it. The myth that you should work until the early hours and forgo sleep is utter BS. Sleep is one of the most important things you need. I’m SUPER strict on making sure I get my 8 hours. Think about it, how productive do you really feel when you’re tired? Listen to your body and stick to your schedule. So many mindset gremlins will get smashed in the process and you won’t feel guilty anymore or distracted from enjoying life when you’re not doing allll the things! And Finally…Remember Who’s In Control Here.Don’t forget just how much control you have over your own thoughts, feelings and actions. You’ve got this, believe it! For more information on this topic head over to https://www.franexcell.com/overwhelmtoaction/
To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
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| 27 Jul 2020 | Important Lessons From My Garden | 00:11:23 | |
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important lessons from my garden
It’s funny isn’t it, how we can find so many common links and parallels between so many different areas in life.
So many ‘hidden’ or not so hidden ‘messages’ in the things we do that we often miss or ignore.
So I thought I would demonstrate this with what i’ve learned in lock down in my garden and have a little fun with you today.
I’ve developed quite the set of green fingers during lockdown and there’s a few key things i’ve learned from growing our own ‘stuff’.
From seeds starting in the greenhouse we’ve grown two types of peas. Mizuna greens (which is basically rocket!), lettuce, carrots, rosemary, thyme, radishes, Chard, Beetroot, sunflowers, borage, pumpkins, courgettes….and probably a load of stuff i’ve forgotten!
So what have I learned in the process that can help you in your business or other areas of your life...
You’ve got to clear out the weeds FIRST
If you don’t, the things you WANT to grow won’t or can’t! The weeds will just take over.
So what ‘weeds’ do you need to take out?
Are there some pesky thoughts and beliefs that need weeding out?
Some people that are holding you back?
What are the ‘weeds’ stopping you growing what you want to right now?
Everything blooms in it’s own time, patience, let go of control
This is a big one.
You don’t plant a seed one day and expect it to be fully grown the next day do you? No!
So why do we do this in other areas of our lives?
Delayed gratification is actually SO much more satisfying.
Good things take time.
They take patience.
You can’t rush through the process no matter how hard you want to.
Consistency is key
Oh goodness this is a big one!
When you’re trying to grow something from nothing you can’t just do it willy nilly, every so often.
Are you going to get more results watering your seeds one day, then leaving it for a week….or watering it every day?
There will be hot days where more watering will be required...but water is still needed on the colder days too.
Seeds don’t feed themselves and they can’t grow without water.
Nurture
Which takes me nicely onto nurturing.
This is so important, whatever stage you’re at, everything still needs nurturing.
Whether this is audiences, leads, relationships, tech, networks you’re building, clients you have.
It’s the same.
If the plant is a seed, seedling or full grown it still needs nurturing right?
It doesn’t get to a certain point and you just stop.
The needs may change slightly but they can’t flourish and reach their full potential without your nurture right?
Nothing grows on it’s own.
Sometimes you can do everything right but it still doesn’t work.
It’s the nature of the beast.
Sometimes, we’ve done everything the right way but it just doesn’t work out for some reason.
Take my Bergamot and Sweet William for example.
They got exactly the same treatment as everything else but they just didn’t grow.
There was just a sad two rows in my seed trays with nothing there.
It didn’t make any sense.
BUT, I can choose to feel like I failed, or blame the seeds for not growing...or I can research it a little more, see where I may have gone wrong and try again next year.
It may be they needed LESS water or MORE water. Or mabe they would have been better planted straight into the ground.
Just a little different treatment to the other plants.
Just because something doesn’t work the first time doesn’t mean it’s always going to be the case.
If it’s something you want, try again.
Work out what may have gone wrong, see if there’s a different way and go again.
Nothing grows bigger than the boundaries you give it
This was interesting for me and sooooo telling.
Once your seedlings get to a certain size you need to put them into a bigger pot.
It’s the only way they’ll keep growing.
And then again and again until they’re ready to be planted in the big vegetable patch or in the flower beds where they can REALLY find their feet (or roots!)
We have some amazing lettuces. All planted at the same time.
The ones in the veg patch are humongous and have kept us in Salad for months.
There were two that didn’t fit in the patch so we kept them in a big pot.
They are about a tenth of the size. They simply haven’t grown.
They are very much alive. Very much there. But tiny.
So we can’t eat them. They won’t fulfill their purpose!
So where are you boxing in your own boundaries or containers meaning you can’t grow?
Where are you not thinking big enough or allowing your thoughts to keep you playing small?
Certain plants live to choke other beautiful flowers.
They can look pretty but they aren’t everything they seem.
There’s a viscous side to them.
All they want to do is feed off other plants to make themselves feel better.
Are you catching my drift with this one? ;-)
There will always be the bad seeds who want to see you fail, to bring you down.
Don’t let them.
See them for what they are.
Have empathy for the fact they feel they have no choice.
They aren’t aware. But you can be!
Team work is so important
Tobes and I created our ‘crop’ all together.
I planted the majority of the seeds and I watered them every single day.
We ‘pricked out’ the seedlings together.
Tobyn got the veg patch ready with weeding and tending to the soil.
We built the frames for the peas together.
I tied up the peas as they were growing so they could grow in the right direction and have the best chance.
We netted so we could protect the plants from pests and keep things organic.
I water the veg patch every day.
Tobes weeds it.
I picked the blackcurrants and raspberries and put them in the freezer.
It’s been team work all the way.
Tobes cooks it!
You don’t have to do everything on your own.
It’s so much easier with someone on your side.
Whether that’s a coach, a mentor, a VA, a business manager, a membership community.
You need to be able to bounce things off other people. Stay doing the bits you enjoy and work with someone who compliments your skills.
Two heads are better than one and you will have MUCH better results.
Persistence is non negotiable
There may be certain things you don’t want to do that are necessary for the plants to thrive.
Push through it and just get it done rather than keeping it in your noggin…OR get someone else to do it!
It was weeks before I saw ANY results with my seeds.
That can make you give up, stop nurturing and watering….but what if they were JUST about to burst through the soil?
How would you know?
I had to trust they were coming.
Every day i’d go in with a little hope to see nothing.
Wonder why it was taking so long, if I was doing something wrong, how come other people have seedlings already and I don’t...etc etc!
There were doubts if I was doing the ‘right’ thing.
Was there something else I should do?
But I kept going in and doing what needed to be done.
Then one day there was one little green shoot, then another, then eventually I had an entire greenhouse full of seedlings.
I now have 3 vegetable patches full of food.
It’s taken time. Energy. Commitment. Trust. Patience. Experiments. Nurture.
Has it been worth it?
Hell yes! When I get to go outside, grab a pea pod, open it and eat the peas straight out of it.
When we eat our dinner every night and there’s something from the garden in there. It’s worth it.
It’s worth it for the sense of pride. It’s worth it for the knowledge that I grew it and we get to benefit from the fruits of our labour.
It means more!
It may not always be easy, you have to try different things to see what works.
But when you literally get to enjoy the fruits of your labour it’s worth every effort.
It’s worth the time, the trial, the errors, the failures, the lessons.
So stick with it and tend to that beautiful garden of yours ;-)
Fx | |||
| 05 Nov 2018 | 043 - How To Not Feel Lonely In Your Business | 00:11:02 | |
How To Not Feel Lonely In Your BusinessShow note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/Loneliness/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
How To Not Feel Lonely In Your Business
Have you felt lonely since starting your business?
This is a subject that keeps coming up for people at the moment.
Entrepreneurs really struggling with feeling lonely, isolated, like they don’t have a support network, someone to turn to or someone to just chat to that can relate to what they’re going through.
Doing things differently
It’s also actually partly one of the big reasons that I gave up on my first business.
And a HUGE reason I’ve done everything very differently this time.
As I’m preparing to go to a huge 3 day conference FULL of other like minded entrepreneurs It’s got me thinking.
Yes, it can be lonely if you’re working on your own all day but I NEVER feel it. Ever. I have an amazing network of people around me and that’s through my own community, paid communities, networking and making sure I attend the right events. I’ve always got someone to turn to and I genuinely have made life long friends who are my biz besties.
I really, truly believe that this has been the best thing I could have done and the best way I could have built my business so I’m going to share with you a few of my tips so you don’t have to go through the same thing I did with my first business where it ended up turning a dream and a passion into a very lonely chore.
The thing is you can be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people.
The first thing I want you to know is, you are NOT alone in this. It’s really VERY common BUT there are lots of ways to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.
Why do entrepreneurs feel so lonely
There are several reasons that we can feel lonely as a business owner.
One is literally just that you are on your own...all..the...time. It’s a huge change if you’re used to being part of a team or in a bigger company, there’s always someone to go talk to. Always a water cooler nearby to gossip at ;-) so when all of a sudden you don’t get those natural ‘breaks’ in the day you can start to feel quite isolated.
One is that you don’t have a support network of people who ‘get’ where you’re at and what you’re going through. This can make the journey feel SO much harder than it needs to be. You’re the sum total of the 5 people you spend most of your time with and if none of those people are encouraging you, lifting you up, giving you feedback and supporting you in your business it can again, feel really isolating. Feedback is something we always have in a corporate job and then all of a sudden you have none and the self doubt starts to creep in and you feel very ‘on your own’
You don’t have anyone to bounce ideas off or ask their opinion like you would in a corporate job so you can feel like you’re totally alone and shouting into the abyss. Not fun right?!
The negative thoughts and feelings can really creep in when you’re only having an internal dialogue with yourself.
BUT it really doesn’t have to be that way and if you’ve been feeling it too it can change from literally this moment right now!
A few ways to make sure you’re not lonely
Find a community of people who are in your position, just like the positive pants community (which is of course mine ha!). A place that you can turn to when you’re having a wobble and know that other people understand and ‘get it’ and that you’re not alone.
I absolutely find that paid for communities create an even deeper bond and support like i’ve seen in my Proactive Pants Mastermind and the paid communities that I’m in too. It’s a place where you can go and KNOW you’re 100% supported and can quickly get through any of the wobbles and know someone will be there with advice, the answer or a big old virtual hug! There’s even the option of remote co-working with people over something like Zoom where it’s as if you’re in the same room together. Just stop for a minute and have a coffee with someone like you would in a job. You’re the boss now, you get to do that whenever you want!
Research networking events in your area. Eventbrite and meetup.com are great resources for this. I know a lot of you are introverts and feel your skin shudder at the thought BUT I want you to remember how often i’m teaching and telling you to get outside your comfort zone and this is one of those moments. If you’re in a community you may be able to find someone to go with you too. Push yourself, you won’t regret it!
My entire 2018 strategy was to go to as many events as I could and meet as many people as I could and let me tell you it’s a game changer!!
Research co-working spaces in your area. If you’re in the sticks this may not be available but you can still do the virtual co working I mentioned before. If you’re in a busy town or city you will find with a quick Google search that there are a wealth of places you can go.
You can create your OWN community or start your own networking events on your own turf!
Hire a coach or mentor! Not only will you consistently be on track and get where you want to go more quickly but you will always know you have someone to turn to (depending on the Coach’s offer and how much access you get ha!)
Remember community and collaboration over competition is so much more powerful. When you build a network not only will you feel less lonely but your business will only benefit in a positive way. You can find clients, collaborators, people who will recommend you to others. It’s a win win for everyone.
Don’t forget to make sure you schedule in time with the people that matter the most to you too. You didn’t get into this so you would stop seeing friends and family, that’s the important stuff in life and something that should be prioritised. If you’re silently saying you don’t have time then you need to read this asap.
Just please understand that when you’re feeling down or feeling on your own, reach out. You do NOT have to feel on your own. Find your people because they’re out there waiting for you!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below.
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| 03 Jan 2022 | New Year Thoughts | 00:10:34 | |
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New Year Thoughts
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In the same vein as my end of year thoughts I like to do the same thing with my thoughts going into the new year. For what they’re worth ha!
If you haven’t listened to my end of year thoughts you might want to start there.
The festive season can be very mixed. It can be a time of great joy or deep sadness, there’s no judgment or ‘shoulds’ to be made.
So you might be feeling sad OR glad that the festive season is over, so whichever camp you’re in I’m sending you love.
So, today is actually our 4th birthday here at The Positive Pants Podcast!
So it’s a double message for you today.
When I started back in 2018 I didn’t really know what I wanted from it. I didn’t even really have a business then either.
I’d work with the odd person 1:1 through qualifications I was doing but nothing really outside of that.
I like to take my time and marinate in things and see how they progress.
But I started because I had got myself out of such a deep emotional hole and mindset pickle and I wanted to share with others who might have been feeling similar.
Stuck in self blame, self shame, self criticism. With zero self esteem. With a voice inside their heads that was dreadful to them on a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute basis.
Someone who didn’t know their next right move or had any hope that things would change…or that they even could.
I wanted to help the people who were unhappy in their lives and not realising the power they had to change it for themselves.
We’re not taught this stuff.
So that’s what I did.
I just put out episodes thinking, if this message just hits one person at the right time and makes a difference then it’s worth it.
And here we are 4 years, about 220 episodes and over 300k downloads all over the world later.
And I can’t tell you how grateful I am to each and every person listening, sharing, reviewing and talking about this little thing I built.
It was my thing, that I did for me and that one other person I hoped was listening.
And it’s led me here. The opportunities I've had off the back of it have been mind blowing. It’s built a business for me that I actually had no proper plan for at the time. I was totally winging it!
I’ve been able to work with people all over the world. I’ve become an ambassador for a wellbeing tech product I really believe in. I’m literally about to launch my Positive Pants Toolkit app which I'm SO excited about! I’ve got my SOS! (Success over stress) group programme. I’m running The Mentorship with Dawni and Abi and that relationship has been so healing to my inner bullied teenager. I've been a mentor in lots of people’s programmes and memberships and so much more.
From just starting to talk to that one person.
Thank you.
So, enough about me, it’s time for the segue so I can show you how this is relevant for you…my new year's message to you is this…what do you want to do this year?
YOU, what do YOU want to do this year?
Not what you think you ‘should’ or someone else has told you they think you should. YOU!
What have you been thinking about doing, or driven to do but aren’t sure where it might take you, or you’re allowing yourself to hold yourself back?
What’s that thing?
What are you willing to try, and just see what happens?
How can you get less caught up in the noise and focus on what you’re doing?
January is a funny time of year because really nothing has changed from the week before, yet we expect everything to be different.
Or we’ve had a good time over the festive season and then we shame ourselves for it from the 1st January.
We look at all the things we want to give up and change about ourselves…no wonder it’s miserable.
How about we just strive towards incremental improvements every day. No blame or shame.
No beating ourselves up when we ‘fall off the wagon’ or have an off day.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
We’re only on day 3 of The Positive Pants January Jump Start so you can still hop in if you haven’t yet.
Every day in January I'm sending you a little gift of a tool, maybe a technique or a way of looking at something, or a video, something that helped me on my journey from Eeyore on a bad day to now. Things from both my personal and professional experience but things I know work!
Just one thing per day.
I’d LOVE for you to join me.
So, instead of starting out 2022 shaming yourself for not being where you want to be yet, in any area of your life. Take back control.
What are you going to do to move you towards what you want AND…enjoy the journey.
No more shaming ourselves for not being 3 stone lighter, a million pounds richer or whatever it may be on day 2 of working towards it.
Sitting here in January 2022, where could you be in January 2023 if you just kept moving closer every day and let yourself enjoy the process?
Fx
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| 07 Nov 2022 | Are You Comparing Yourself To A Catfish? | 00:12:56 | |
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Are You Comparing Yourself To A Catfish?
Are you comparing yourself to a catfish?
What is a catfish? Well it’s both a small, sharky type fish with big whiskers and it’s also a person who creates a fake persona online to lure you into a relationship.
Someone who pretends to be who or what they’re not.
We’re all being catfished a lot of the time!
In this context I'm not really talking about the romantic relationship cat-fishers.
I’m talking the personal brands,
Of COURSE there are plenty of lovely, authentic, genuine people out there too. That goes without saying. But they aren’t the problem.
And the people I AM talking about make it even harder for the people who ARE being genuine and authentic.
As I'm always trying to get across to you, not everything is always as it seems. Including our own thoughts and stories.
So we need to be astute when we’re trying to compare ourselves to someone else and making ourselves feel bad about ourselves. We need to take things with a pinch of salt and know that we’re never going to have the full picture.
Social media and tik tok or instagram influencers are the first to consider.
Danae Mercer (@danaemercer) and Alex Light (@alexlight_ldn) are amazing at trying to dispel myths and the tricks that people use online. Danae lets you in on SO many of the posing tricks that people use and Alex is all about body positivity. They’re also both incredibly lovely.
First of all let’s take how people look on social media. The vast majority of people these days don’t even look like their own photos! So if you’re comparing yourself to that image, you’re not even comparing yourself to something that is real!
You can have a whole new face, new hair, new lips, new cheekbones, new abs, no cellulite, a nip here, a tuck there and all the things in the click of a button now.
How many celebrities have been caught out by the distortion that photoshop sometimes leaves? So just because some people are better at hiding it, doesn’t mean what you’re seeing is real.
Most people use filters on their face too. Even me! I tried to make sure that I use one that doesn’t change my actual face but I'm still catfishing you ha!
You don’t even have to put makeup on these days with the filters getting more and more sophisticated, it does it for you at the click of a button.
Then you’re trying to recreate a makeup look that wasn’t real in the first place!
You’re amazing exactly as you are. Please know that the majority of what you see isn’t real.
Then we have the lifestyle piece of the puzzle. Again, a HUGE amount of what you see isn’t real. I love the Instagram vs reality trend, it’s always quite the eye opener.
People have been caught out changing the backgrounds of images to places they haven’t been. People have been caught out hiring fake private jets and paying to pose next to a car they don’t own, all in an attempt to make you believe something about them that isn’t true.
Often to get you to part with your hard earned money.
Pinch of salt!
So, so many lifestyle entrepreneurs are using these tactics.
They’ll talk about income claims that aren’t true. They’ll make up testimonials. So many shady tactics and it’s one of the reasons I've been slowly pivoting my own business to one that’s able to keep me in my own lane and not having to see so much of it because it drives me bananas.
It’s so painful to know how many people fall for the tactics and are left feeling like they aren’t good enough. I was caught out too, more than once, at the beginning of my journey into my own business.
It’s SO easy to do. These people know what they’re doing. Please don’t ever blame yourself if you’ve been caught out.
There comes a point when you become more aware of this catfishing that you do start to question if things are really as they seem and although it can sometimes feel confusing to not know who to trust you will find yourself making far better decisions.
There are lots of people out there who ARE trustworthy and do walk their talk. You just have to find them. Talk to other people. Look underneath the messaging.
Are they using false scarcity?
Are they forcing your nervous system into a dysregulated state in order to get you to buy?
Do you have evidence that this person is for real and has got the results they’re talking about?
Have you heard the testimonials that aren’t just about the financial goals?
Use your discernment and look at the nuance in every situation but most importantly please don’t compare yourself to the cliff notes or fakery of someone else’s life!
The other thing to talk about where we’re being catfished by marketing is before and after pictures. Oh my goodness!!!
Again, it tends to be things where self esteem is involved so weight, skin, hair, body etc.
Companies are airbrushing skin before and afters.
They will use light and makeup, poses and all sorts of other things to create before and afters that aren’t real.
They will even use hair extensions in hair product before and afters.
So please, if something seems too good to be true it probably is!
Before buying anything like that check the testimonials (these can be faked too so look for ones with images and read the negative ones too. I actually like to look at 3-4 star reviews most because they tend to be more honest in my opinion.
They’re pretty much saying, ‘it’s good, could be better’ or ‘it’s good, but I didn’t like this element’.
When you really start to look out for this stuff you’re going to save yourself so much money ha!
It’s rocky out there peeps!
Catfishes are everywhere.
BUT, so are the good eggs. The genuine people. The authentic people. The people who have your best interests at heart and they are easy to spot.
Notice how a person makes you feel in your body.
Do you feel anxious and on edge?
Do you feel not good enough?
Or do you feel safe?
Do they feel like a warm and cosy hug on a chilly day to your nervous system?
Your body is always communicating with you. You just need to listen.
Don’t attach something you see online to your own self worth. You are good enough and you have always been good enough.
Fill your feed with authenticity.
Mute, block, delete anyone who’s triggering you into comparison.
Create your very own social media safe space and know that you are glorious.
Fx | |||
| 29 Jun 2020 | Are You Practising What You Preach? | 00:13:26 | |
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Do you practice what you preach?
Something that I see with, pretty much, every single client I work with that has a personal service based business is this underlying feeling of a ‘need’ to always be perfect at what they teach or do.
I also see it a lot in management in the corporate world too.
Today I'm calling BS on it.
It’s a bonkers, unrealistic expectation.
For a business coach to always have the answer in their own business, for someone who teaches parenting to always be the perfect parent, for someone who teaches mindset to always have the perfect mindset.
Come on!
Let’s put this in some perspective shall we?
I believe all good coaches have coaches or support of some kind.
I think it’s always a good question to ask when you’re choosing your own coach or mentor.
Business coaches will have other business coaches and mentors to learn from.
People who work in mindset can’t see their own unconscious blocks….that’s the point...it’s unconscious!
If something is hiding where you’re not looking you’re not going to find it are you?!
If you already knew everything, how would you learn?
Who would you learn from?
How would you ever grow?
Sometimes something is so deeply hidden by our ego we just can’t see it ourselves, no matter how hard we’re looking.
It’s as if the more you look the more elusive that pesky unconscious belief is that’s getting in your way.
I have psychologists, mindset coaches and therapists as clients.
It could trigger me that perhaps they know more about certain things than me.
They hire me based on my ability to help them. It’s not about comparing letters after our names.
And as an eternal student I get EASILY sucked in to that sometimes.
The need for more and more qualifications.
Real world experience has a huge amount of influence over how you work.
It’s time we all stop judging ourselves so harshly.
If there’s an obvious knowledge gap, fill it!
But don’t deny yourself help, support and growth because your ego gets in the way.
I actually love the fact I don’t know it all because this field of human behaviour seriously fascinates me. I LOVE learning more.
At the moment I'm looking into the mind body connection a lot so I’m looking at things like Kinesiology, breathwork, Tai Chi, Qigong to name a few...and in typical Fran style I’m looking for the ways to bring it down to earth a bit.
Practical woo if you like!
Love me some hard evidence!
I’m definitely thinking about how I can incorporate some of these things into my work. But for me it’s about being an eternal student.
It’s about being aware that you don’t know what you don’t know and watching out for triggers.
But also not seeing them as negative things.
Learning and honing your skills is an ongoing journey, whatever field you’re in.
I had a corker recently, I was working on one belief that I'd unearthed...and another completely random….never thought there was even a hint of an issue...kind of belief came up that made SO much sense in SO many different parts of my life.
A HUGE one!
Linked to so many other things.
Now, I could have easily left it where it was...nice and comfy cozy in my unconscious.
But if I tackle it….magic is gonna happen!
I’m not here for mediocre and I hope you aren’t either because you deserve SO much more.
I never would have found that by myself!
I have a rule of not sharing issues before they’re worked on because I want you to learn the lessons...not leave you high and dry going ‘OH GOD ME TOO I HAVE THAT...now what?!’ but I know there will be a lot of you who can relate….it’s a super personal subject so i’ll be asking the family to avoid those episodes ha!...SO I promise I will share more in the future because it’s a doozy!
It’s not related to business at all (everything always links back to it in some way though because life is SO interconnected) but i’m finding it SO fascinating and eye opening.
Its hard work of course, it takes a lot of energy and it’s really not fun to look at this stuff sometimes...but I LOVE this stuff.
It’s the next layer of the onion I keep talking about.
It fits in really nicely with why I wanted to do this episode for you.
Pretty much every single person who works in mindset that comes to me, in our first session, without fail it’s as if they feel the need to explain that it’s ‘the last thing’ that needs sorting that’s standing in their way.
It’s as if there’s an expectation that they would always have the perfect mindset and behaviour and SHOULDN’T have their own struggles in life and certainly shouldn’t be talking to another mindset coach about mindset!
POPPYCOCK people!
There’s ALWAYS something else to work on, ALWAYS another layer but that’s the good stuff because each one goes that little bit deeper.
I spend a small fortune on my own personal development (Courses, qualifications, my coach etc) because I love it, it fascinates me. But it also makes me better at what I do.
I don’t profess to know all the answers. None of us can. NONE of us.
If we start believing we should, we’ll never get better at what we do.
We’ll always feel like we need to hide elements of ourselves. Our shadow comes out to play.
When we suppress it or ignore it our struggles will go on longer than they need to because we put off getting someone to help us work on it.
It’s time to let go of the need to have ALL the answers.
There are days when you simply won’t practice what you preach. You’ll get lazy because it can be hard work, you’ll fall into old habits because you’re tired, or you’re triggered.
You’re a human being and we all have off days. Give yourself a break for the love of all things holy!
Our mess is our message right, it’s so often that you teach what you need to learn.
That’s what continuing development is for.It keeps us doing the work on the thing we need to the most.
We all have our Ego, we all have our unconscious programming and triggers.
Where you go in times of stress is often back to old unconscious patterns that served you well in the past.
You have to have compassion for yourself here. If you’re listening and resonating please do reach out and let me know because this needs to stop.
This shame around not knowing everything and being seen to be perfect.
This is why I talk about my patterns, my bad days, issues that come up for me. It’s important to have the full picture.
I’m constantly saying the same thing to my clients too when they beat themselves up for having a bad day.
You’re human, you need polarity so you can appreciate the good stuff and live with gratitude. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself.
You can’t give yourself a good haircut, let someone else hold the mirror for you. Have someone hold you accountable to yourself.
If you shut down being open to learn from other people in your field, you stunt your own growth and development.
You strive to be an expert and you’re actively stopping yourself getting there.
You slow down your own growth.
Everyone needs at the very least a sounding board. The ability to sense check things.
So give yourself a break.
You will NOT be PERFECT at what you teach all day every day because you’re a human being.
Can you imagine being at the stage where you didn’t need to learn more about what you do?
It’s bonkers to think it’s possible.
How boring would it be?!
Continued professional and personal development is part of the fun of having your own business.
You see the evidence of “you teach best what you need to learn most” which is a quote from Richard Bach, everywhere.
Most people that do have a story of how they overcame something big and that’s how they go on to teach it…me included. But they continue to learn and grow.
This stuff doesn’t stop.
That’s a good thing.
You’d stagnate if it did!
You actively learn more when teaching others too. When there’s a question you can’t quite answer what do you do? You go research it and find the answer...but you CAN be honest about not having it at that moment.
Just make sure your prices are in line with your level of expertise, that you have the support you need and you’re good to go….without the imposter syndrome!
So seek the help and support you need.
Don’t stay stuck because you feel you shouldn’t be.
Fx | |||
| 09 Jan 2023 | Mindset Shifts For 2023 | 00:19:08 | |
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For more, head over to: www.franexcell.com/Mindset Shifts For 2023As I gear up to be ‘properly’ back to work this week I’ve been having a little ponder and reflections on some mindset shifts and ways of thinking that I personally believe could be helpful for 2023. I’ve seen too many people get sucked in by certain messaging in marketing or in society itself that I believe is problematic. 2022 saw me the most disappointed I'd ever been at some behaviour I saw. The way people were treating each other. SO…MUCH…DRAMA, and I don’t do drama. Not my circus, not my monkeys. So I tried to see as little of it as possible. It frustrates me seeing people behave badly towards other people. But, after 8 years digging deep into human behaviour, controversial as it may be, I feel huge compassion for those doing it. It’s wrong, plain and simple, I'm certainly not excusing it or saying I think it’s ok. I categorically think the opposite. BUT, when you REALLY understand where that behaviour comes from it IS hard to not find compassion. People that behave in nasty ways to people, or talk badly about people, are not happy people. It’s often child consciousness following us into our adult life. There is something going on there that is defense and protection mode. That behaviour comes from deep wounds. When you really, truly understand that it’s hard to not have compassion, which in turn changes how you react. There’s things that happened to me last year that were super hurtful. But I understand where the behaviour came from. I choose to view it with compassion and exit the situation and know it’s my choice who to be around and who not to be around. No hard feelings, new boundaries! I’m on a mission to help people be more conscious because it’s so fundamental to living a good life. That comes from being aware of and then challenging our own thoughts and perceptions and also taking responsibility for our own behaviour. When 95-99% of what you do is habitually wired in and automatic, we need consciousness as the absolute basic start to making any change and living a happy life. It’s not to demonise the unconscious, far from it. It’s incredibly helpful in many ways. We want automation to conserve energy. What we don’t want is for it to rule our behaviour, our results and our lives. So these are a few of the shifts I think are important to at least think about going into the new year.
Rest vs hustle mode.Hustle has been glorified for many many moons. This idea that if you’re ‘busy’ that equates success. It doesn't in my eyes. I don’t want to be ‘busy’ because in my mind that means I’m not being efficient (based on my own personal circumstances, privileges, nuances etc) Some people say ‘balance’ doesn’t exist but I disagree. I believe that balance looks different for everyone. Define your version of balance that makes you FEEL you had balance in your life. Screw what anyone else thinks. They’re not you.
Doing what suits you.You do you boo! It really feels like time that we stop focusing on what everyone else is doing or thinking about how they might be judging what we’re doing and just do what we want to do! Do what suits us, our personality, our experience, our life. It’s OURS at the end of the day.
Remembering that nuance exists.I think this one is really important. I talk about it a lot. It’s impossible to talk to all people at any one time. There is nuance to everything. People can’t judge people in exactly the same way. We have nuance. They have nuance. Business has nuance. Careers have nuance. Friendships, relationships, family dynamics, things we’ve been through, what we want. There is SO much nuance to every single thing you see! Try not to blanket-coat opinions and start to question everything with curiosity. You might be surprised by what you find and how it shifts things for you.
Compassion vs cancel culture.As I was saying previously, this one can bring in two of my previous points. Nuance and the fact that people’s bad behaviour is often driven by deep deep wounds. In 2022, more than ANY other year, I've seen anger and hatred everywhere I look online. It’s literally served to us and I'm absolutely not here for it. As a society it seems like we’re being driven by reactive aggression and outrage. ‘This person must be punished’. The need to hit people where it hurts and have them lose money, their business or be shunned from society in general. It’s horrific behaviour and while many of the people being ‘cancelled’ I wholeheartedly don’t agree with. When you bring nuance and curiosity into the situation things can look very different. There have been MANY times through the ages when the mobs have been wrong. Remember that next time you jump on a bandwagon. Do you have all sides of the story? Extreme views often come from some semblance of psychology or neurobiology that makes sense. Again, not simply stating who’s right and who’s wrong but more, how can we make this make sense. What could have happened to this person to make them think or behave this way? We’re very quick to react to how something ‘looks’ on the surface, usually without going deeper.
The truth.Leading nicely on from my previous point, try to remember all of the lenses we look at things through are different. This goes back to nuance again. (sensing a pattern here?!) When it comes to the truth, there are always more than one version of it. In the example of two people falling out there’s one person's truth, the other side’s truth and somewhere in the middle is THE truth. Question with curiosity!!
YOU as your biggest investment.Time and money spent on your own health, mental health wellbeing, development and enjoyment is, in my opinion, the BEST and MOST important investment you will ever make. It makes everything infinitely better and the ROI is bigger than you could ever expect. Whatever that looks like for you. It could be spa trips and retreats, it could simply be finding 5 minutes to yourself. Figure out what you feel YOU need to be the best version of you. That will look different to everyone.
You get to change your mind.Oh my goodness, if you realise something isn’t working for you. If something feels heavy. If something or someone is not serving you anymore. You get to change your mind!! It’s such a bizarre thing, the amount of stories and judgement that people can put on what other people do with their time and their lives. It doesn’t matter! That’s a THEM thing, not a YOU thing. Follow joy. Follow happiness. Follow peace. It’s YOUR life.
Know your people, know your rooms.If you feel you have to be fake or hide parts of yourself, it’s probably not your room or your people. Just because there’s a clique that you're not in, doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Spend more time with the people and in the rooms that give you a felt sense of safety. Be around the people your nervous system is calm around. Y ou deserve nothing short of that. Your body is always talking to you and giving you clues about these things. Make a point to listen.
High fives over judgement.On that front, on the flip side, if you see someone changing it up HIGH FIVE them. Keep your judgement to yourself, question where that judgement is coming from in the first place and realise big changes take gumption, bravery, cahones! It’s to be high-fived!
Lead with values and kindness.I don’t think this needs much explanation really. You’re not going to win this every time, you’re human. But how could things be different if you did it MOST of the time? If it was your intention? Ego can be a little beastie. It’s human for that to get in the way sometimes but when you’re solid on your values and how you want to behave towards others I promise you’ll start to not tolerate anything different from other people. It’s the very basics of treating others how you’d like to be treated. Game changer. Remember even the toughest, strongest-looking people can be extremely vulnerable underneath it. People are very quick to forget the phrase, ‘In a world where you can be anything, be kind’. Aim to remember it as much as possible. Everyone has their struggles and demons. You never know what’s going on for someone else. Check on your strong friends.
Be a good person.As much as you possibly can. Just be a good person, lead with that. I hope that’s given you some food for thought and perhaps a few things have spring to mind that you’d love to add. 2023 is my 'year of me'. And I'm SO here for it. Like I've said before, there’s still some tough bits still to come for me but I know how glorious it’s going to be on the other side and I'm here for the lessons and the growth. I’m honing in and doubling down on all the things that make me FEEL good. I’ve cheated the system and I've chosen TWO words for 2023. How very bold of me indeed. The first one is authenticity. To me this means absolutely not changing myself to fit anyone else or anyone else’s opinion on what I ‘should’ be doing. Not dumbing myself down or suppressing who I am. It means being with and around the people I feel 100% myself with. Not ignoring my gut or red flags. The way I see it is if you’re not being authentically you what are you left with? A career or business you don’t love. People who don’t make you feel your best. Surface-level relationships. No thank you! Not everyone is going to like it and that’s absolutely ok. There will be plenty who do. Think of authenticity like a spam filter for your life. The more YOU you are the more the pieces that don’t fit fall away. Wonderful. The second is fun. This year, I'm going to have some flipping fun! I’m going to try new things, go to new places, spend time with my favourite people and let my inner child run absolutely wild. It’s going to be glorious and I'm so glad you’re coming with me on the ride!! Fx | |||
| 25 Apr 2022 | What If The Journey Is Better Than The Destination? | 00:10:14 | |
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What if the journey is better than the destination?
What if the journey to where you want to go is better than the destination itself?
I was talking over on Instagram last week about the focus we have on where we aren’t yet, instead of allowing ourselves to actually acknowledge how far we’ve come.
I was pondering it all week because I see it so often.
This comparison to other people and where they are on their journey. But without the context of their journey to get there. Just the focus on where they say they are now.
This idea of where we feel we ‘should’ be. Without the context of the fact that no one just jumps to that place. They have to go through all the same things to get there. The newness, the lessons, the lack of clarity. It all has to happen, it’s part of the journey. Without it you’d never get to where you’re going.
The ways we make assumptions about other people’s journeys to success and where they are today. The assumption that we are alone in our thoughts of ‘how am I going to do this’, ‘i’m not good enough’. The battles with our unconscious programming that we all have to go through in order to uplevel.
I feel like so many of us spend so long focusing on the big ‘out there’ goals that we’re working towards, we miss that we are worlds apart from where we used to be.
But we need to look back to be able to see it. AND, not beat ourselves up for not being where we think we ‘should’ be just yet.
We need to look back and be able to go, ‘holy moly I used to find this so hard’ or ‘I remember how bad I was at this to start with’. We all start somewhere.
I identify as being not the best at tech, shall we say. I also know I'm more advanced than many, purely because I had to do the work.
Because, really, what happens if the biggest part you’re supposed to enjoy is the journey itself.
All those little wins and milestones along the way.
All the growth, lessons, new connections.
I read a lot and listen to a lot of podcasts from hugely successful people and you’ll often hear a lot of them say that the day they finally achieved their goal was not what they were expecting.
Jonny Wilkinson said how winning the world cup led to his darkest days and Israel Adesanya said becoming the UFC middleweight champion was one of the lowest days of his life, both on the Diary of a CEO.
This isn't to be dom and gloom because there are so many things that could be going on there and everyone is an individual. We put so much weight on the goal itself that sometimes you get there and it’s this anti climax.
This feeling of what next? Or the fear of having further to fall that might creep in.
Or who am I if I'm not chasing this goal?
Or even the intense need to keep growing, because what will people think?!
Goals are amazing. I love goals.
Not at the expense of joy and satisfaction along the way to get there.
Where’s the enjoyment?
If your goal takes you years and then you hit it, then what?
When I look back on my journey I’ve achieved a huge amount. I’m only just beginning.
But in all honesty most of my goals are lifestyle based. They aren’t based on any kind of external validation and I’m very much of the opinion of goals being an evolving beast.
There is no one singular end goal for me.
No idea of ‘once I do/have/acheive X, then I will be ok’.
We need to question ourselves around the goals. Are they based from a higher self kind of place? Or an avoidance of something or a story based in our unconscious programming of not being ok.
There’s a BIG difference.
I’m always curious as to why my goals are my goals. How do they link into each other and what’s the overall picture. What does my life look like? How do I feel?
It can feel frustrating when you feel like you aren’t moving ‘fast enough’. Question yourself over whether that’s fast enough for you or for other people.
But in those moments it’s so helpful to look back and see how far you’ve come.
What are you doing now that’s second nature that you used to find really hard?
When I see old friends post covid and we talk about what we’ve done and I say I launched an app and i’ve had almost half a million downloads on my podcast it’s always interesting and a humbling moment to see their faces and reactions because I’ve been working towards those things for years and acting as if they’re no big deal.
There are plenty of people who have achieved way more. But these moments are so helpful because the look on their faces says it all.
It’s a big flipping deal!
It’s a big deal and I should allow myself to recognise that.
Remember, you’re making moves! You’re doing things that the majority wouldn’t dream of doing. You’re backing yourself.
You get to celebrate that and acknowledge every tiny little win you make along the way.
Don’t try to rush to the destination, because what if the journey is the fun bit.
It can be if you let it!
Where are you trying to rush through the journey?
What is the story you’re telling yourself around why that needs to be the case?
Where are you not allowing yourself to see the progress you’ve made?
What might happen if you spent some intentional time looking at that?
What might you see?
This gets to be fun!
Fx | |||
| 10 Sep 2018 | 035 - When To just Feel Your Feelings | 00:10:39 | |
How To Know When To Feel Your Feelings!Show note links: To join my Free Facebook Community for female entrepreneurs and get daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
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For more information on this topic head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/feelings/ The importance of feeling your feelings
I know how easy it is when you’re intentionally trying to be more positive about things to try and ‘force’ it and not allow yourself to really feel your feelings. You think that when you’re feeling a bit rubbish to try and push it down as far as it will go and suppress it is the ‘right’ thing to do. But that’s not actually the best idea…at all.
Start ListeningIt can actually be a very bad move and one that can really affect your health in the long run. Yes it’s absolutely important to know how to get out of a bad mood or when you’re feeling negative about things when you WANT to and when you’re ready to. All the tools and techniques that I give you are there for you in those moments.
Sometimes There’s More To ItBUT sometimes there’s more to it and these negative feelings are our minds way of trying to tell us something MUCH bigger and we need to know when to listen to them. When nothing seems to be working and the feelings are being SUPER persistent, that’s when you know you need to prick your ears up to what’s going on for you.
Get Curious About What’s Potentially Going OnNegative feelings can alert you when things are ‘off’ or ‘not right’ and it can also be a GREAT motivator for change too. Change only happens when the pain of staying where you’re at becomes more painful than the change itself…thank you to Tony Robbins for that gem.
You’re HumanYou’re a human being, and we feel things. So allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling but the important part is the constant ‘what’s going on here’ curiosity of it and the subsequent choices that then come from that. Also, bear in mind that the more you ‘battle’ with negative thoughts the more of them you are inviting in. Sometimes you just need to sit with them for a little bit, have a sushi roll into your duvet and eat the Ben & Jerry’s (Cookie dough is my choice just FYI), it really can be the best way to move through them sometimes. To accept that you aren’t going to be productive, you don’t want to speak to people and you just want a moment to wallow. It could just be the rest that you need…that your body and mind have been trying to tell you for a while that you need…but you’ve ignored it, so now it’s forcing you. It’s just about identifying when that’s the case…and not just giving yourself an excuse to eat Ben & Jerry’s…you have to be really honest with yourself!
It’s NormalIt’s completely normal to have bad days. Totally normal to have an initial negative reaction to a situation. It’s about understanding that what happens next really is your CHOICE and if you’re using all the tools and tricks and it isn’t working, asking yourself what’s REALLY going on.
Honesty Time!Honesty time…Last week I got myself into a real pickle (yep it can happen to me too, I am also human!). I realised I hadn’t been looking after myself as much as I should have been and was heading perilously close to the ominous edge of burnout (there may have been tears!). I’m very self aware and I know I have a tendency to believe i’m superwoman and I genuinely believe I can do ALL the things…but it doesn’t mean a) I should or b) that I have to. The house renovation was something I hadn’t been able to plan for (just a lick of paint he said ha!)…and we all know how I like a plan. So it threw me. I realised that while we’ve been doing it up (since May 3rd!) I’d pretty much ‘forgotten’ to take any time for me. It was work, house, work, house and that was pretty much it, I was constantly go, go, go. This meant I didn’t have evenings or weekends to just CHILLAX! It wasn’t happening. Now, there’s only so long your brain can sustain that level of activity. Every part of my body and my mind were screaming at me to stop.
Give Yourself A Break!My saving grace is that i’m SUPER strict on getting my 8 hours so at least I knew I was getting the sleep I needed but often that isn’t enough. You need those moments where you’re not doing anything on the to-do list, the moments where you don’t actually have to use your brain and I know that when I start to feel a bit ‘funky’ (not in the soul sense) and all my many lovely tools aren’t working their magic like they usually do that there’s something bigger at play. It’s like a bit…’Hang on a minute’ lightbulb moment. So I was faced with a choice. Carry on carrying on and head over the burnout cliff. Continue TRYING to be productive and get things done when my brain is already at capacity and genuinely not ‘allowing’ me to. Or…start working WITH my brain…Cook my husband dinner, crack open a lovely bottle of malbec and belt out some show tunes.
Which Do You Think I Did?Correctomundo…I cooked the chef a delicious (even though I do say so myself!) spaghetti bolognaise and treated him to some spectacular renditions of The Little Mermaid and The Greatest Showman with a little Lady and the Tramp thrown in for good measure. Now, I’m not saying that my ‘things’ will work for you…but you get what I’m saying here. Sometimes in admitting what momentarily feels like ‘defeat’ can be the very thing that can get you right on track and propel you forwards.
As Always It’s About Awareness!I was talking to one of my mastermind ladies about this last week. It’s the importance of awareness and really knowing yourself and knowing what you need and that will get you back on track. Knowing when the feeling isn’t just a little bit of a moody moo you need to get out of, but a key moment where you need to be listening to your body.
What’s YOUR Thing?Now…show tunes are MY thing. So let’s work out yours. What ALWAYS lights you up? What never fails to make you happy? Is it dancing? Singing? Both? Crafting? Reading? Going to the zoo? Anything that you LOVE that allows you to switch off for a minute, remember what it feels like to have fun, spend time with your loved ones guilt free. Whatever it is for you I encourage you to keep a list and when you’re feeling frustrated, unproductive, emotional, heading straight towards overwhelm but it’s been niggling at you for a long time then listen up. Go do one of those things for an evening, even just an hour but REALLY give yourself a break it’s hugely important. Let your body and your brain have a rest so you can get back on track and back to being you. It’s just about learning when to listen and allow yourself to feel your feelings and which ones are actually beneficial to you. Always ask, ‘could there be more to this feeling?’ ‘Have I been working too hard?’’Am I in line with my values?’ It’s all important to be aware of and know when to say, you know what…I’m going to give my heart what it wants and sing some show tunes, then back to it tomorrow! If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! Fx | |||
| 14 Sep 2020 | It’s OK To Change Your Mind | 00:14:36 | |
It’s OK To Change Your Mind Show note links:
To sign up for The Positive Pants Planner Waitlist: https://www.franexcell.com/pppwaitlist/ It’s ok to change your mind in business, the world won’t stop.
If you’re just starting out and choosing your niche….it’s ok to change your mind.
If you’ve been in business a couple of years and something just isn’t sitting right anymore and feels heavy, it’s ok to change your mind.
If you’ve been in business for years but you just don’t love it anymore, it’s ok to change your mind.
I see so many people tying themselves up in knots in all of these scenarios. I get it, I really do.
But you aren’t locked in, married, signed sealed delivered, this is it forever-ed in to anything in your business.
You’re really not.
The whole point of having your own business is SO you have more control over it.
You get to make the decisions based on what’s right for you. Not someone else.
There will always be consequences to your decisions but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.
I’ve been reassessing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G throughout this whole pandemic and I know a huge amount of other people have to.
Sometimes you need to burn something to the ground just a little in order to build something bigger and better in its place. Sometimes that’s what it takes to scale up.
And yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it could be a mistake...but if you only believe in lessons then you’re covered there ;-)
Let’s start with the most common place I see this, choosing an ideal client and a niche when you’re early on in your journey.
Oh goodness do people tie themselves up in knots with this one!!
Myself included at the start.
The message is that you absolutely HAVE to know your ideal client and niche down straight away. You need to know it on an intimate level.
If you don’t have a niche you don’t have a business!
Which is true to an extent.
It makes marketing easier. It makes self identifying for your client easier. If you don’t have one you do have a business but getting sales and traction will be harder unless you’re doing a personal outreach or networking strategy.
But let’s release the pressure valve a little shall we?
Firstly, in my opinion, you really don’t KNOW who your ideal client is until you’ve started working with people, this applies mainly to the coaching industry.
Start with an idea of who they are...not an attachment to who they are.
I had an idea of who my ideal client was, got one and it was a nightmare because they weren’t invested in the results.
So I tweaked it as I went along. It evolved as I went along and I allowed myself the time to get clearer and clearer and niche down further.
The thing with niching too is people seem to think it means that no one else will see or resonate with your message. It’s not true.
I think of it like a dart board. You’re aiming for the bullseye but there are lots of other ways to score high points around the board.
For example my niche is female business owners who self sabotage.
I still attract men to work with me.
I still attract a lot of people without businesses to work with me.
A lot of people come to me because they want a big life change. So even though I talk about everything in the context of business and I have a top ranked business podcast...I still get people who don’t have businesses. Because it’s relatable to both people. Same issues, different context.
So don’t worry about cutting certain people out.
You can also have different products or services for people at different stages. I work with people just starting out...and I work with 7 figure business owners!
So what i’m saying is, firstly, you aren’t married to your niche. You get to change it. Same with your ideal client. You get to change it.
Yes it may make things take a little longer than if you just cracked it first go (which let’s be honest...no one does!) but rather that than end up in a niche that it turns out you don’t enjoy...or working with people that are actually a bit of a nightmare. It’s all part of the journey.
Now the next one is close to my heart. When something just doesn’t feel right anymore. You may not even be able to put your finger on why but it just doesn’t feel right anymore.
Businesses evolve, as do people. This happened for me recently. I have my Proactive Pants Mastermind and I ADORE the ladies that were in it. But the format wasn’t working for me anymore.
So I made the decision to close it down in its current iteration.
Instead of being ongoing month on month it’s going to be relaunching as a 3 month programme starting in January. Where everyone starts and finishes at the same time (which helps with relationships because everyones in the same boat) and with the focus on something core that you want to achieve for the quarter that you’ve been holding yourself back from.
I’m SO flipping excited for it, it's put the fire back in my belly.
I already know it works for clients...I needed to get it to work for me too. That’s just as important. To put me in the best place to be able to help everyone achieve exactly what they want to and get the amazing results I know they can.
I’m in the process of completely shifting up my business model which also helped make my decision.
I’ve got a SUPER exciting partner launch coming up around October with my friend Lisa Johnson (who you’ve met on the podcast before and is coming back to tell you a little more about what she does to make her the big bucks and still get to travel the world….in an actual genuine way...not an influencer stand in front of a porch that’s not yours kind of way) so stay tuned if you want to learn how you can massively increase your bottom line...working LESS! No more feast or famine of the 1:1 model.
More scalability.
More passive and regular revenue so you know where you’re at each month.
Earn more, do less!
She’s a freaking power house and I’m very grateful I get to call her my friend because you’ll know I don’t recommend people freely. Largely due to the sales tactics and mass of ‘missed out’ information that usually comes with courses online and leads to an 11% completion rate and money down the toilet...i’m not here for that peeps!
It’s going to be a genuine game changer I promise you.
OMG so exciting. If you want to be in the know sooner then slide into my DMs and i’ll get you a sneak peak of what’s coming.
So if you’ve been thinking of shifting your business model, stay tuned. If you’ve been wondering how you can get out of feast or famine stay tuned.
If you want to fall in love with your business again, I've got you covered!
If something is not working for you, change it!
Go back to the previous episode and listen to how to make big decisions but it’s so fundamental to enjoy what you’re doing.
If you’re not, change it!
It doesn’t have to be straight away, you can do it in stages and over a little bit of time, or you can outsource it so YOU don’t have to do it anymore, but it’s important that you do it or you’ll start to resent your business or your clients.
The same thing goes for if you’ve just completely fallen out of love with what you do.
Nobody ever said you have to keep doing it. If something else is calling you...that’s OK!
I know we like to tell ourselves stories of things having to be a certain way but that’s our own limitations we’re putting on ourselves.
You can’t do this or you can’t do that.
Who says?!
We’re the ones in control.
It may take a little time to work things out but it can be such a positive thing to do.
When you’ve fallen out of love with a product, service or what you do entirely it can feel like it’s slowly eating away at our soul. Blurgh!
It’s not a nice place to be. It’s like that constant state of anxiety is just niggling away in the background all the time.
We’re always operating from a low level of fight or flight. Our defence mode is up. It takes a lot of energy.
The thoughts are whirling round in our noggins taking up a huge amount of headspace that makes everything feel like we’re pushing water uphill.
It’s not meant to feel like that and it doesn’t have to.
Take back that control and know that you get to change whatever you want, whenever you want (according to contract terms of course ha!)
Take the brave move and let the weight lift from your shoulders if you’re feeling this right now.
But if you’re in the stage of worrying about picking a niche and/or ideal client. Launching products or anything along those lines.
You get to change your mind if it doesn’t sit right in the future. You are not ‘stuck’ with something.
You only work these things out by doing.
Trying.
Being honest with yourself.
The more you are, the more exciting things come your way and the more you can love and actually feel aligned to what you do.
And that’s what it’s about right?
Fx
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| 02 Sep 2019 | 085 - Are You Being Yourself? | 00:10:09 | |
Are You Being Yourself? Show note links:
Are you being truly yourself?
This is an important topic at the moment with so much noise in the online business space.
I recently did a post on Instagram,if you’re not following me over there you may rectify that now @franexcellcoach ;-) and it really seemed to hit a nerve with people.
It was about how much I used to care about what other people thought of me. I put so much importance on it I struggled to be myself, and it got me nothing but unhappiness in all honesty.
When I started to really own exactly who I was, my quirks, my foibles, the fact that I love singing Disney way too much for a 35 year old, that I would be the definition of a crazy dog lady, that my obsession with inspirational quotes on things is out of control and I allowed myself to just absolutely 100% me with a ‘take me or leave me, either one is cool’ kind of attitude life became immeasurable better.
I’ve said before, you can’t be liked by everyone and that’s ok!
So how does that relate to your business?
Firstly, there’s too many cookie cutter carbon copies in the industry and the only way you’re going to stand out is if you do things your way, from your perspective, with your expertise.
It can be scary when someone asks what your secret sauce is, what makes you different and you have NO clue! But this is where you have to do the work. Ask the hard questions of yourself.
When you’re 100% yourself trust is built far more quickly. People want to have an emotional connection with you, and that is built through trust.
Trust can take time to build and be gone in a second so the best way to grow it and keep it is to always be authentic to who you are and act with integrity.
People will feel it and it will build deep connections with people resonating with your message, but not just your message, YOU, who you are. If you get caught out in a little white lie it can be gone for good.
The next benefit of being yourself is you’ll draw the right people to you. I’ve spoken about this before. You want to draw people with shared values to you, and repel the people who just aren’t for you. You can only do that by operating from your own values, your own belief systems and thought processes.
Next up, you won’t feel like a fraud. This is a big one. Ask yourself if you feel like an imposter because you’re kind of being one!
Subconsciously you will always sabotage yourself because deep down you know you’re not being completely honest.
The next benefit of really being yourself is everything will feel so much easier and way less stressful! You can breathe a sigh of relief.
It can be super scary I get it, the fear of judgement is REAL people! However, if you can really grasp that not everyone can love you and that’s ok, that being yourself is the best way to be to build relationships and let go of that fear of being judged (because I hate to tell you it’s gonna happen!) it’s absolutely freeing.
Work with your strengths AND weaknesses
People WILL feel it when you’re not yourself. Their ‘spidey senses’ will be firing on all cylinders. Think about how you feel when you suspect someone isn’t being completely honest or themselves. How does it make you feel towards them?
Take inspiration from other people sure, but find your spin on it. If you copy in any way you will get found out.
There’s just been a VERY big influencer who has been caught out in a lot of content ‘stealing’ where he was taking other people’s quotes and passing them off as his own, same for his video content, and his halo has unfortunately well and truly slipped.
You can’t build a business based solely on someone else’s knowledge, you’ll always be a step behind, you will never be ‘them’ so you’ll just be chasing your tail, just don’t do it to yourself, it’s not worth it.
Think about the longevity of your business. Is it sustainable to run a business that way? Probably not!
There are of course other potential consequences if you’re not being yourself and your service doesn’t match up to your message.
Your clients won’t get the results they’re expecting and you will have disappointed customers. Which means potential refunds. Which means potential negative reviews, and you can very quickly get a bad reputation, which of course will affect your ability to make money, and have a business at all!
You will be attracting the wrong people to work with you! You will have people who are not actually in line with your values and your beliefs and that can get you into a pickle with nightmare clients.
You won’t actually be putting yourself out there in a big way anyway because you’ll feel like an impostor and be terrified if someone were to ask you a question you couldn’t answer….oh my! So isn;t it a big waste of time anyway?
This stuff applies through all areas of your life!
By not being yourself you could end up in the wrong relationship, the wrong job, the wrong friendships, all with things that are totally out of line with who you are, your values and your personality...You don;t want that do you?!
It takes away anything about you that is unique.
People want to feel like they’re dealing with genuine people and creating an authentic connection so let them see that from you.
THAT’S how you’ll stand out. You can’t create that for yourself without BEING yourself.
The bottom line is, if you’re not being completely yourself you simply won’t be happy in the long run and will take up valuable energy and head space in the process.
So, have a think, how can you inject a little more YOU into your business?
What quirks do you have that could be exactly what someone loves about you?
What experiences have you had that have shaped who you are today that other people could relate to and resonate with?
Just remember, YOU are your own super power! YOU are your own ‘secret sauce’...no one else!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 06 Nov 2023 | How To Make Friends As An Adult | 00:13:02 | |
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How To Make Friends As An Adult
I wanted to follow on from last week's episode around how to navigate friendship break ups as an adult with how to make some new ones!
I know a lot of people struggle with this, for some reason it can just feel harder as an adult.
For all the introverts and enneagram 5’s out there going nooooooo I don’t want MORE people to deal with, sorry not sorry!
Humans are social creatures, we seek to belong somewhere. That can look totally different for different people. It could be that one person you know has your back, it could be sharing interests, family, community etc.
Our growth and development lies in our interaction with others.
A huge way we heal is relationally. We can co-regulate with other people. Our emotions are contagious.
Friendships form a hugely important factor in that.
There are countless studies on the positive effect of friendships on depression, our health and well-being.
Many people refer to their friends as ‘chosen family’.
But how do you do find them as an adult?
Some obvious ways to find some new friends is through work. Remote working has caused a fair few issues in this respect because it’s hugely difficult to form bonds with people if you’re on your own most of the time.
Companies have recognised this and are adapting with many moving to a hybrid model and essential days in the office.
But if you work for yourself it’s even more important to make sure you’re doing what you can to connect with like minded people. This is where networking events come into play. It can be incredibly lonely running your own business so the first thing I did was make sure I was always meeting new people and I've made friends for life through it.
There’s something magical about just being around people who think in a similar way to you and want to achieve similar things that makes everything easier and faster.
You will not be surprised when I say that having a good level of self awareness is really going to help you with making new friends as an adult.
Having a clear understanding of your own boundaries, interests, priorities, values, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what’s important to you etc. What would you love to learn or do more of?
This is all so important in being able to understand your own behaviour within a new friendship and also who might be good or…less good for you.
Embrace new hobbies and interests and don’t fear being really bad at new things…because let’s be honest, you probably will be! It’s really important to maintain a growth mindset when it comes to doing new things, you’re not supposed to be great at it straight away, you’re there to learn with other people in the same position. Allow yourself to see the humour in it, or surprise yourself if you’re a natural, win win!
One thing you definitely will need to do is put in the effort. It will not just come to you. So once you’ve done the self exploration I just mentioned, have a look locally for classes and events and GO! You will not be the only one on your own there and it’s always a nice talking point to find someone else in the same position.
Say yes more, when you have the capacity to. A lot of friendships form through friends of friends. What’s the worst case scenario, you say yes to something, go, don’t enjoy it and leave? The likelihood is that if someone is friends with your friends, you might have some things in common.
Perhaps you might want to consider volunteering for a cause that’s important to you.
Get yourself on neighbourhood apps like next door or make an effort to introduce yourself to your neighbours.
Bumble actually created a friendship version of its app called Bumble BFF. So if you’re not up for dating you can literally put yourself on there to find friends. There’s one for new mothers called Peanut too. There’s lots of them out there. You just need to decide you want to put yourself out there and do a little research.
The biggest thing that needs to be essential when finding new friends as an adult is to put yourself out there and be yourself. Yes this can feel easier said than done sometimes. It’s very high in my value system so I do find this easy. If anything I find it harder to be ‘less’ me. I don’t see any point being anything else or toning myself down because I know I'm not going to attract the right people into my life that way. Plus it’s exhausting.
Rejection can be painful but I really believe that being yourself 100% and someone not resonating with that, really isn’t personal most of the time.
What do I mean by that, because it sounds like it would be pretty personal right? I mean, if you are yourself and that doesn’t fit with someone else. It does NOT mean anything negative about you.
It simply means you’re not a match. Most people won’t be. You’re trying to match interests, values, beliefs, one of you might be a night owl, one might be an early bird. It’s about compatibility, not not being good enough, being different.
Of course opposites can attract and having fundamental differences doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t be friends. But what it also doesn’t mean is there is anything wrong with you, or them. You just simply might not align at this time in your life for what you’re looking for in someone to spend time with. That’s totally ok.
Childhood and teenage friendships can be brutal. I choose to believe that if you can learn to know your own worth, adult friendships really don’t have to be that way and can actually be the opposite.
I think adult friendships can bring joy, healing, growth and so much more.
You’ve just got to be brave and put yourself out there to find the right ones.
Approach it positively and with excitement about all the fun things or deep conversations you’ll be able to have.
There can be so many reasons we might be ‘in the market’ for new friends. It could be you’ve moved away, you’ve ‘broken up with’ a friend or friendship group because your values no longer align. You might have gone through a big life change like a relationship break up which inevitably means people take sides and you might have drawn the short straw.
Look forward to all the things that come with new friendships based on who you are at your core and where you’re at right now.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Fx
| |||
| 26 Mar 2018 | 011 - How To Not Let Fear Hold You Back | 00:13:53 | |
Fear can be very pesky. It’s something that can really get in the way of a good thing. Stop you in your tracks. Hold you back from your own greatness. It can make you procrastinate and stop you moving towards your goal. Usually leaving you frustrated, lacking in confidence, believing you can’t do it and thinking ‘what’s wrong with me’! And we can’t have that can we! It held me back for a very long time from doing the things that I really wanted to do, all those ‘if only’s’ that you live with, that stay ‘if only’s’ if you don’t face your fear. It kept me stuck where I was, miserable in a job that didn’t fulfill me anymore, scared to go ‘all in’ on the dream business I was trying to set up. Fear of failure, fear of success (yes that’s a thing!), fear of being wrong, fear of a lack of control, fear of a lack of money, fear of what other people might think, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being liked…you name it I was scared of it. Which meant nothing changed, which meant I was miserable but afraid of taking a leap, which meant nothing changed…can you see where I’m going with this?! SO I WANTED TO BREAK FEAR DOWN FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS AND GIVE YOU A FEW WAYS TO NOT LET IT HOLD YOU BACK.For my advice on breaking fear down and ways to not let it stop you from moving forward click here. | |||
| 30 Jan 2023 | Diamonds Are Formed Under Pressure | 00:10:10 | |
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Diamonds Are Formed Under Pressure
I’ve spoken to so many people in the last week about the pressure they feel under.
The pressure to be visible.
The pressure to be seen to be doing things you don’t necessarily want to be doing.
Financial pressure.
Emotional pressure.
Work pressure.
Business pressure.
Relationship pressure.
The pressure to do ALL the things and be a whole, fully formed, brand new person just because it’s been January.
Oof! I feel the pressure just talking about it.
We’re a couple of days away from February, I hope you feel the pressure is dimming just a little remembering that spring is just around the corner.
If you haven’t noticed, I took the whole of January off social media.
I was silent on the gram!
I’ve already got lots of hilarious animal posts ready for my return don’t you worry. So please do come follow me over @imfranexcell and @enneagramandexcell if you’re keen to learn more about that.
Of course the podcast went out, my wednesday email went out every week without fail.
I was around but, behind the scenes.
I’ve been in my own personal pressure cooker of late as you’ll likely be aware.
It’s still not appropriate to talk about it just yet but I'm sure by now you’ve read between the lines to understand what’s been going on for me in my personal life.
That’s the thing with pressure, sometimes something has to give and for me, that was social media in January, I really just needed the time offline.
Lots of you have been SO lovely and sent me messages asking if I'm ok.
The answer is absolutely yes. Thank you very much for asking. I’m looking after myself, using all the tools in my toolkit, giving myself what I need and practicing what I preach.
I’m all good.
What was really lovely is most of the messages were along the lines of ‘I just want to check in that you’re ok because you’ve not been on stories for ages, but whatever might be going on for you if anyone can handle it I know it’s you.’
Which, in all honesty, really hit me in the feels and helped me see how much of a dramatic change ‘doing the work’ was for me.
I was an anxiety ridden little negative catastrophiser for the majority of my life and even though knowing what I do and practicing what I preach doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days or the proverbial doesn’t hit the fan, i’m resilient AF these days and not so easy to rattle!
I’m always wanting to be honest about realistic expectations and normalise negative emotions and bad days as a significant part of the human experience.
Curiosity is always going to be your best friend when it comes to this.
Making sense of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours is such a game changer in all areas of life and I want that for you because I know through training and been there, done it, got the T shirt experience just how possible it is to achieve.
I also want you to know that these moments are where all the good change happens.
Diamonds are formed under pressure.
All too often we’re taught that we ‘shouldn’t’ have negative emotions or bad days. We toxic positivity ourselves until the cows come home and I promise you that won’t get you anywhere.
Address, don’t suppress.
Our biggest lessons and transformations tend to come from leaning into our shadows.
Having this attitude that good stuff is on the other side of anything negative really means the world to me because it means I never see hard times or bad experiences as inherently BAD.
I can be in them, feel all the feels and ugly cry as much as I like and be excited about what’s to come.
Sometimes things happen which allow you to go to far deeper depths of healing than you ever could have got to on your own.
The next 6 months or so is still going to be hard for me but every single day the ‘sads’ heal and the excitement builds.
If you’re on my email list you’ll know that this year is all about chasing joy.
Joy for me in January wasn’t on social media.
Sometimes it is.
This time I knew I needed to be Offline Fran for a bit. And it’s been glorious.
I’ve seen so many amazing friends and had more laughs than I've had in ages. I’ve reconnected with people who are important and I'm in life re-build mode.
Trust me when I say there’s an almighty glow up coming! I feel it in my waters!
So much of our distress in life comes from fearing what ‘might’ happen.
Or what might not happen.
There’s such a focus on what we don’t want that the fears can sometimes overwhelm us and that leads to more distress and then we’re in the spiral.
What I thought was genuinely one of my worst nightmares has happened.
Plus it’s an almighty life upheaval in pretty much every area of life and as an Enneagram 6, I'm not traditionally great with those.
I’m a planner. I plan for all situations and outcomes.
I usually have a plan A, B and C.
I always have options.
It’s how I roll.
It’s how my nervous system feels safe.
And I've had to let go of a lot of that over the past few months.
And hard as it has been I’m already reaping the rewards.
I feel more solid in myself than I ever have before, and I was already pretty solid in myself.
I feel more clarity about what I do and don’t want in my life, and what I will and won’t tolerate, than I’ve ever had.
I feel excitement for a future where I have literally no idea what it might hold. Who knew that was possible for me?!
I’m a freaking diamond baby!
And you are too.
When you can start to look at the times in your life where it feels like intense pressure and there’s a huge amount of big feelings, and maybe some ugly crying and intense uncertainty, as turning yourself into that big beautiful diamond instead of something that’s going to break you, how do you think you’d handle things differently?
At the moment I feel this strange sense of peace and excitement. Yes there are days where it’s underneath some uncertainty and fear.
It’s also letting go of worrying about anyone else’s judgement, letting go of any guilt or resentment and remembering that every single time I've been through anything awful in my life the glow up has been imminent.
And this will be a pretty big glow up ha!
When you can let yourself sit with those big feelings and help them move through you, maybe by dancing, breathwork, exercise or my favourite big ugly cry it happens even faster.
You’re a magical creature who is capable of SO much.
So if you’re facing something tough, or new, or a big change that’s full of uncertainty…Remember that diamonds are formed under pressure and the glow up is imminent!
Fx | |||
| 06 Mar 2023 | What Is Happiness? | 00:11:03 | |
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What Is Happiness?
What is happiness?
Oof, big question!
What is this big thing that so many of us spend our lives trying to find?
Do you actually know specifically?
How will you know when you have it?
What happiness looks and feels like will vary from one person to another, yet we all feel like we’re chasing the same thing.
It can feel pretty elusive and hard to nail down.
I could ask 500 of you what happiness meant to you and end up with 500 different answers!
It’s another part of our collective human experience that we may have never even thought to question or dig into.
Like so many things. We walk around on auto pilot making assumptions based on our own maps of the world and think that everyone else thinks the same as us, or should think the same as us.
But sometimes even that part isn’t clear. What do we REALLY think?
This is why I love digging into our own psyches. It’s SO fascinating when you really look into the things we believe, think and feel. It’s so subjective and can often be changed simply by daring to look a little closer and pick apart our unconscious programming and natural learned protection mechanisms.
It’s also entirely likely that me asking you this question today, and in 10 years time, and 10 years ago, would have completely different answers.
And yet we can feel like we’re chasing this elusive happiness without realising we might already have it.
It comes down to perspective again. You might have something big going on that isn’t ideal, but could you still be happy underneath it all?
Can you have that not ideal thing going on and not judge it or transpose it over to all other areas of your life and still be able to say you’re happy?
To some people happiness might be joy, elation, laughter.
To some it might look and feel like peace and contentment.
To some people it might be love and connection.
To some people it might look like passion and purpose.
To some it might be high levels of self esteem and pride.
To some it might look and feel simply like acceptance.
So what is it?
Is happiness something that it’s realistic to expect to feel all the time?
Is happiness a fleeting feeling or a more general state?
Is it a passive or active state? Meaning, do you have a responsibility in it or is it just something that happens to you?
I often love doing a little deep dive into what certain emotions and feelings really look like for me. Without society's opinions and the opinions of other people.
Really allowing myself to dig in and essentially create a map of that emotion according to me.
I often find some surprises in there.
What words do I associate with it?
What feelings do I associate with it?
Where do I feel it in my body and what does it specifically feel like?
How much can I name about this emotion and its qualities?
It creates some next level self awareness and real clarity over what you want and how you are going to achieve it.
The kind of awareness that most people simply don’t get to without the desire to what I call ‘seek to understand’. I mean that in the context of self, others, society and the world.
The more you can question, be curious and understand yourself, other people, society and the world the more sense everything makes.
I find mapping out an emotional state can also give me more of a map on how to reach it too.
It takes away any judgement around perhaps not having it, or having it if it’s something like anxiety for example, and replaces it with curiosity.
When your filters are clouded by other people’s and societies and cultural filters it’s usually very difficult to really find what you’re looking for.
The waters are a little muddy.
It can be clouded by what we think it ‘should’ or is ‘supposed’ to look like.
There’s so much nuance to the human condition, to our feelings, our thoughts, our behaviours and it’s easy to assume we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet but in reality we simply aren’t.
Our own experiences throughout our lives, particularly before we’re 8 years old have shaped a lot of our expectations.
I mean let’s be honest, Disney and romcoms have a LOT to answer for here too!
Do you know what makes you happy?
Is that different to what brings you joy?
Joy tends to be fleeting and happiness more long lasting.
Let’s look at this a different way. Do you know specifically what STOPS your happiness or interferes with it?
Do you feel like other people or external things are required for you to be able to feel it?
The reality is there is no one universally agreed upon definition of happiness.
Different cultures have different words and expectations when it comes to happiness.
If you compare America to Japan for example, happiness looks very very different.
In America happiness is seen as more joyful, energetic and in Japan it’s more calm and serene.
So many people, when you ask what’s important to them and what do they want for their lives, will say happiness or to be happy.
So I believe it’s really important to define what that is for ourselves.
And to make sure we’re super clear on the things that do make us happy so we can do more of that.
Emotions are and will always be transient. They’re moveable. You’re not meant to feel just one thing all the time.
The way I see happiness is that the underlying feeling of contentment and peace can still be there, even when things are a little more rocky.
It’s a sense of solidity.
A sense of groundedness.
A sense that everything is always going to turn out ok.
A sense of calm and balance in my nervous system.
That feeling of being able to do a big deep sigh and feel like all is well. Even if it’s not 100% true at that moment.
A sense of satisfaction and optimism.
So you can see, I really don’t think happiness is one thing. I think it’s a combination of lots of things.
So what is happiness?
Happiness is entirely subjective and exactly what you decide it to be. And it might be closer than you have allowed yourself to realise.
Fx | |||
| 17 Feb 2020 | 109 - What's The One Thing? | 00:12:55 | |
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What’s The One Thing?
What’s the ONE thing that if you were to get it done, today, this week or this month, you’d be SO much closer to exactly where you want to be?
The premise of the book ‘The one thing’ by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan fits in perfectly with my year of simplifying things and I wanted to share why with you.
First, in the interest of context i’ll take you to what got me thinking about this in the first place.
You know when everyone at the beginning talks about what’s your ‘word’ for 2020?
I didn’t actually tell anyone mine because it was oh so noisy out there ha! I mean every other post if not more on all the socials was ‘what’s your word for 2020?’
And I get the sentiment and I think it’s important when used to the best of its ability but I also kind of feel like many people choose a word for the sake of it.
It’s one of those many actually very useful things that have been turned into something a little bit fluffy...which then stops a lot of people wanting to take part at all.
On the other side it makes people flippantly pick something based on what they outwardly think people want to see or hear and not based on what’s really going to drive them forward. We want to be in a ‘club’ right, no FOMO allowed so we get involved and then forget about it pretty quickly afterwards.
Everyone ELSE seems to have a word so I must have a word!
So I ponder on it for January and work out how I want to make it stick and what I want to change to be able to live by it...because that’s the real point right?!
Working out how you want to live on an unconscious identity level, whatever that is for you.
How we want to show up, what our values are.
It’s all these lovely things rolled into one little word.
But the reason I like it? It’s ONE word.
ONE point of focus to help you make decisions and changes and remind yourself of how you want to show up.
So mine is ‘simplify.’
Nothing big or grand or for anyone but me.
So that’s the theme for me in 2020.
Simplifying things and having one main BIG goal that any other goals all feed into.
Essentially it’s ONE thing.
Then comes the focus, the momentum, the easy decisions, the big changes.
It’s when you make that relentless point of focus you can still have just as much on your to do list BUT...you are ALWAYS making progress.
It feels counter intuitive to only have one thing to focus on.
It FEELS like you would be doing less...but you actually end up doing FAR more!
Simplifying and obeying the ‘one thing’ means you have more focus, more momentum, you prioritise with ease, there is less on your plate and you just get MORE done.
So the premise of the book is that by using this one question everything else becomes easier, so here she is;
“What’s the ONE thing I can do, such that by doing it everything else will become easier or unnecessary?”
So you can see how by using this question it’s all about focus, priority, simplification.
It makes everything else on your to do list obsolete until this one thing is done which also gets rid of that pesky overwhelm gremlin.
I also use it purely as my point of focus that helps with everything I do.
I have one BIG goal for this year which is to get my journal, The Positive Pant Planner, out into the world.
So I always ask what’s the one thing I can do today that’s going to get me closer to that goal.
Because it has already been YEARS in the making.
My episode ‘How to journal for the non dear-diary type’ is my 2nd most popular episode EVER and it was also my very first episode. I also get asked about it ALL the time, I have printables on my website but I haven’t turned them into a hard copy journal yet.
So this has been a long time in the making but i’ve allowed myself to get distracted, listen to too many opinions (don’t go low ticket etc) and generally got in my own way with it by consistently looking at it as more of a nice to have than an essential.
Oh I know...the irony is not lost on me here, I see my own self sabotage riiiiiight there.
The reality is I didn’t prioritise it because it’s easy to prioritise the higher ticket things.
BUT this is my passion, it’s what I believe can help everybody whatever stage they’re at and in all honesty it’s my dream.
I KNOW it will be the best too ;-)
It’s the exact system I used to turn my whole life around from Eeyore on a bad day to now...I still use pretty much exactly the same system...with a few tweaks and improvements.
It excites me, it fires me up, people are asking for it (if you want in on the waitlist DM me or drop me an email hello@franexcell.com with ‘waitlist’ as the subject and i’ll add you to the list!)
SO, why haven’t I done it yet?
Quite frankly there are SO many moving pieces, so many things to think about and work out and cost up and I want a long term relationship with any company I choose and that level of service is hard to find...i’ve got high standards ha!
And quite frankly I just didn’t quite see the bigger picture and how it links in with EVERYTHING I want, I do now.
How did I work that out?
When I start the year I ask myself certain questions in my journal to work out what I REALLY want for the year.
I’ve talked about this a lot, about making sure you’re really doing the things that you LOVE and not compromise for what you think you SHOULD do and The Positive Planner has been on that list for about 6 years…I’ve had the trademark for about 2 years too ha!
Whoops!
BUT by simplifying and adopting the ONE thing rule i’ve made more progress in a month than I have in years.
It IS my priority now, it WILL happen.
I always use this tool with clients too.
It’s super simple and can instantly change the way you’re thinking and looking at things.
What’s the one thing YOU want to achieve this year?
Then every day, what’s one thing you could do today to take you a step closer? It allows you to make big jumps in less time.
So for me the one thing I want is to get my journal into the world so one thing I could do right now to get me closer would be to email people who may be able to help me achieve that.
When you’re in a place when you’re unsure if the chicken or the egg came first leaving you overwhelmed and not knowing your next step, what’s one thing you could do to improve that right now.
Obviously ask people who may already have the answer right?
When you are relentlessly pursuing a focused goal everything starts to become easier.
The things to say no to become obvious, the things to say yes to become obvious.
‘Will this help me achieve my one thing’ if the answer is yes, it doesn’t matter how scary it is that answer us yes.
Even if you struggle saying no to people, when you ask this question it becomes magically easier to say it.
You really can use this in all areas of your life too. If you have a goal in each key area, health, finances, business/career, friends/family, love life, environment, personal development and fun you can have ONE thing in each area.
I have many other ‘things’ involved in my ONE thing. But it’s the umbrella to everything.
I will still have multiple revenue streams.
I will still do all the things I enjoy like the podcast, I will still do the speaking gigs and the consulting and the Proactive Pants Mastermind, and the 1:1 clients but they ALL link back into that ONE thing that creates structure and cohesion across everything...and even though there’s still a lot on my plate it doesn’t FEEL like it because I see how it all clicks together.
Exciting right?
It feels more fun!
It feels lighter.
It feels focussed.
I don’t have to do it all in one go but as long as I keep that focus on my ONE thing it’s all going to happen and I FEEL it.
So what’s the ONE thing for you?
What’s your BIG one thing and what’s one thing you could do today that could make all the difference?
Remember to ask yourself “What’s the ONE thing I can do, such that by doing it everything else will become easier or unnecessary?”
And go check out the book in all its glory. The One thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 06 Jun 2022 | Ebbs And Flows Are Natural | 00:18:01 | |
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Ebbs And Flows Are Totally Natural
Ebbs and flows are totally natural and to be expected in both life and business.
Too many people are walking around expecting to have all the answers and always know what they’re doing, why they’re doing it, to always have the perfect mindset, to always love what they’re doing and it’s just not achievable or realistic.
So much of the ‘mindset work’ is less about feeling or being positive all the time but more about how you handle the harder times. The darker times.
There are too many people telling you, or ‘selling’ you, an ideal that’s not realistic or sustainable.
An ideal that directly denies your humanity.
And it has to stop.
You know I'm always here to give you the unsexy truth, but always with a dose of hopeful realism that should lead to oodles of self compassion and the ability to quieten that nasty little voice inside your head.
Life is about the ups and downs. Business has ups and downs.
There will be times when you feel super aligned and on fire and there are times you will question EVERYTHING and realise you need a course correct!
Both are positive, believe it or not.
The ebbs may not feel great at the time, and they may come with uncomfortable truths, but they are course correctors.
Too many people are telling you things are a ‘mindset issue’ when in fact they might actually be a values issue.
They might be an honesty issue.
They might be a ‘directly conflicting with my personality’ issue.
All should be respected and listened to.
I never ever want any of my listeners to believe I have it together ALL the time. I don’t. If anyone tells you they have, I'd run a mile.
You deserve more than being fed an unrealistic expectation to try to live up to.
I have my ebbs and flows too. Of course I do. I’ve had several this year in different aspects of my life.
I naturally question everything and sometimes I realise things that are a totally inconvenient truth and it’s hard but necessary in the quest for living the life you truly want to.
It’s part and parcel of being a human and it’s NOT a bad or negative thing. It’s just not.
You’re just buying into a lie that you’ve been told your whole life about how you ‘should’ be to be a good human. By society, parents, friends, movies, marketers trying to sell you stuff.
You are not infallible, you’re absolutely supposed to feel the whole human spectrum of emotion.
Life is about polarity. Light and dark. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Positive and negative. Without its polarity you don’t experience the best bits in the same way.
You wouldn’t experience gratitude in the same way.
You wouldn’t get to grow and evolve.
The ebbs are not only course correctors but they are messengers.
It may take some time to figure it all out and that’s ok.
It’s about digging into what it’s trying to tell you or lead you towards or lead you away from.
Are you trying to repeat a familiar pattern?
Did you catch yourself trying to have a replay of a past experience from when you were younger and trying to have a different outcome but inadvertently getting yourself into a place that’s a massive contradiction to your values? (If that felt close to the bone that’s because it is and something that I've recently dealt with, i’m sure i’ll do a podcast episode on that soon ha!)
These things are going to happen in our businesses. I believe it’s a really important part of our evolution.
We age, grow, our priorities shift, we realise things that we thought we wanted we don’t, or even that we thought that we didn’t want and realise we do.
The trouble is what external influences try to make this mean for you.
No one can tell you what it means but you!
Something that is a huge issue in the online industry that I see causing a lot of these ebbs is this whole six figure business owner thing and I'm always trying to debunk it.
It causes ebbs because people might look at their income and feel like their business is ‘not working’ or that they aren’t ‘good enough’ because they’re not at the six figures yet.
But a far more insidious reason is because if you ARE at a certain level, whether it’s six, multi six etc and you realise you might not actually be happy or you’re hugely over worked and you want to take it slower, or your priorities shift, because you have that label you feel like you can’t step back or walk away from income because you’d lose that label and perhaps get rejected from the ‘club’.
It’s a big issue and we have to become conscious of this.
If the money and the label are your number one driving force it’s always going to cause ebbs because you won’t listen to your intuition or your gut, you’ll ignore feelings and try to push them away and you’ll stay doing something that isn’t making you happy because you simply can’t lose that label because that’s how you’re validation yourself and allowing others to validate you.
But isn’t that worse than being in a job in the first place? Haven’t you created yourself even more painful shackles?
It also belittles all the incredible businesses that are out there that fall under that imaginary threshold of acceptance and I'm not here for it.
I really want this to sink in today, I know I keep banging this drum but I won’t stop because it’s so important to me.
There are too many amazing people out there giving up on their dreams because of it.
So much nuance is left out of the marketing that’s targeted towards business owners that is intentionally there to leave you in a state of not feeling good enough so you’ll buy more.
It’s preying on and directly CAUSING insecurities.
The biggest one is around this six figure thing. Totally achievable over time but it might not actually be what you want.
It also causes you to feel not good enough until you get there.
It just sounds oh so shiny.
A huge amount of people wouldn’t get to six figures in a job if they decided to go back to work.
I’m never going to be one of those people that bashes corporate jobs because I loved doing both. I got curious the other day and looked up salaries in my old industry and if I went back there’s no way I'd be earning what I'm earning in my business.
Would you? It’s a good sense check!
So let’s put even more context to this. According to HMRC the national UK average salary at the start of 2022 was £24,600, the average full time salary was £31k. Let that sink in.
So if you make £25,000 in your business BY YOURSELF, with no one else to answer to but you. Flexibility to work the days and hours you want to around your other commitments and passions. Not needing to ask to take a day off. You’ve earned more than the national average salary.
In my eyes that makes you a flipping rock star and it’s something to be hugely proud of.
There are a huge amount of businesses that only want or need a certain amount that could be way under the six figure threshold. I LOVE working with them. They’re clear on what they want and not buying into the hype.
That doesn’t always mean they’re playing ‘small’ as much as some marketers would like you to think.
There’s so much judgement around, we need to start being our own judges from our own truth and our own minds. Internal validation.
Of course you can aim as high as you want, and it’s so possible, but my point here is that whatever your goal is it’s so so valid. And might actually be a lot easier and take less time than you think if you stopped beating yourself up.
I work with clients right at the start of their journey all the way up to multiple seven figures. The thoughts are very similar and a huge amount of it is always tied up in attaching your worth to your income.
So say you hit the elusive six figures…But you realise you’re really unhappy.
Does that mean you just have to stay doing what you’re doing so you can keep the income label?
Does that mean you can’t pivot, or say no to something that’s not right for you anymore?
That just doesn’t make sense in the grand scheme of why so many people start their businesses in the first place, to be happy, to love what you do.
If you have an ebb, does that always mean there’s something wrong with you? That you have a mindset issue? That you aren’t good enough?
Of course it doesn’t.
All it means is it’s worth taking the time to get curious and investigate the thoughts and feelings that are going on for you.
Then be brave and do the right thing for you.
Don’t ever let what someone else might think keep you in a place you don’t want to be.
Who told you that because you love something today, you then have to love it for the rest of your life?
That’s not a healthy or realistic expectation to put on yourself and if you obey it, denies you so many other possibilities that may be better for you.
If you actually look at the stories of some of the biggest entrepreneurs in this online space you’ll see that most of them pivoted. In big ways. Most of their businesses now are VERY different from how they started.
They followed the passion.
They were brave enough to say ‘that doesn’t work for me anymore so I'm going to make a change’.
THAT’S the mindset work.
The bravery to do what’s right for you despite what other people might say or think.
Being able to walk away from potential cash and opportunities because it’s not right for you anymore.
THAT’S the work.
Courage, bravery, self compassion, confidence, honesty about what you REALLY want, even if what you see isn’t convenient.
We have to stop looking at certain emotions as negative. We have to start listening and being curious about what these ebbs are telling us.
It could be as simple as needing a break.
It could be that you are actually at a point where you want or need to pivot in your life or your business because something just isn’t right for you anymore.
No one gets to judge you for that and it certainly doesn’t make you ‘less than’ if that requires a step back to take a step forward, which might mean a drop in income.
If things are happening in or around your business, or in your life, that fundamentally don’t make you happy or really push your values buttons you need to look at that and be brave enough to take a step back.
Whether that’s stepping back from income, people, industries, relationships, opportunities it doesn’t matter. What matters is your happiness.
It may take you a hot minute to figure it all out and that’s ok. I’ll be there in the trenches with you.
Ebbs and flows are a natural part of life and you deserve to be happy. Inside and out. What other people think is not your concern. Be brave, you’ve got this.
Fx | |||
| 29 Jul 2019 | 080 - Take Time Off...Guilt Free! | 00:11:46 | |
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Take Time Off...Guilt Free! How much guilt free joy do you have in your life right now? Or even just time for yourself?
Considering how many clients and people that I meet ask me how to have it, i’m guessing you’d say not enough right now.
Most of the time, when we’re in a job and enjoying holidays and weekends completely off, we actually put plans in and feel nothing but excited to follow through with them.
Doing what we know will make us happy.
We know (more often than not) that we can really switch off and there is zero guilt involved, it’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do with your time off, right?
Easy peasy!
We don’t get that in our businesses in the same way because it’s our ‘baby’. We’re the authority and subordinate all at the same time!
We aren’t governed by the usual 9-5 situation. We don’t have anyone giving us those boundaries, telling us when is ‘work’ time and when is ‘play’ time.
So it’s really easy to NOT switch off. To NOT find the time for the things that we love and to feel like we have to be on alert at ALL TIMES...unless we give OURSELVES permission to.
All of a sudden we feel like ALL time should be work time. That hustle mentality creeps in and we’re doing 16 hour days. It can be especially bad when you feel you aren’t making the money that you want to just yet.
It’s a bad habit to get into, not just for your business but for your health! And one that will stick. Everytime you catch yourself saying things like ‘It’s just until I hit 6 figures, then I can take time for me’. No no my friend...it won’t happen!
There’s always that next goal, that next milestone, you will have created a habit that’s hard to get out of and completely unnecessary.
It’s GOOD for your business for you to take time for the things you love. Start as you mean to go on. Don’t wait ‘until’!
We feel like we should be ‘on’ all the time, boundaries go out the window, we feel stressed, tired, negative, frustrated...and we’ve all of a sudden lost that thing that was one of the main reasons we started a business in the first place.
That freedom. That time spent with loved ones. That time spent doing MORE of the things we love, not LESS!
There are SO many reasons why it’s important to make sure you’re a) taking time for yourself to do the things you love and b) Doing things that bring you pure joy. AND do it guilt free!
When you can get your head around why it’s necessary it’s a great start to actually making it happen. AND why taking some time for you doesn’t mean you’ll make less money. It will just make you more strategic with your time and your schedule.
You need that break to clear your head! When you’re constantly thinking and using your brain you are using up SO much energy and it just isn’t sustainable in the long term. The brain uses about 20% of the bodies energy and it’s only accounts for about 2% of the mass, so that gives you an idea just how much energy it needs.
You’ll head straight towards burnout, not show up as your best self for loved ones OR your clients, decisions will feel harder and problems will seem so much bigger than they actually are.
How often have you had a stint of hard work, felt exhausted, then taking a day or two off has made you come back more productive, more happy, more motivated and more clear headed? Full of ideas!
Taking a break actually INCREASES productivity, motivation, problem solving and creativity, it builds your resilience up too. The bottom line is your brain needs to rest, and you need to be able to feel fulfilled!
By taking time for you I don’t mean watching Netflix. I mean doing something that you’re going to love. Something that will bring you joy. Something that will energise you. Something creative, yoga, dancing, singing, making jewellery, walking, trampolining, paddle boarding, sailing...you get the idea! Hobbies rather than chores or numbing!
You can create and maintain your boundaries in your business that allow for, and structure around, you having time to do the things you love.
If you schedule the time in and prepare yourself so the guilt isn’t there, there’s nothing hanging over you.
Which means it’s going to happen.
So how can you prepare? My favourite is to put an auto responder on so you’re not panicking about emails.
Fit the rest of your work around what you have scheduled in. Whether it’s a walk or exercise every morning, a holiday or date night once per week...schedule when you start and finish your day to allow for it
Let clients know and they won’t be expecting a response at those times.
This is why i love doing the ‘ideal day’ exercise with clients. If you know what you want from your days and weeks it’s SO much more likely you’ll actually get it!
If you’re not finding time to do the things that bring you joy, what’s the point? Seriously?! If you’re always in work mode, not having time for the things and people you love, then what are you doing it for?
One word that comes up time and time again is that it’s ‘selfish’.
I would counter argue that until the cows came home.
How are you going to show up for loved ones when you’re stressed and mentally drained? How are you going to show up for your clients, the people that are actually paying you for your service!
If you don’t give your clients the best service you possibly can, where are those awesome testimonials coming from?
NOT taking time for you CAN directly affect your bottom line.
Plus, you’ll procrastinate and WASTE time by not taking it. So you may as well have some fun right?!
Ask yourself what stories you’re telling yourself about what it means if you take time for yourself, or to do something you love, or spend time with people you love.
Then work out what you actually want to do!
Take some time to go back over your life and think about things you loved doing but let go at some point.
So what can you do that you love? What brings you joy? What hobbies did you love as a teenager before you cared what people thought?
I’ve been really intentional about doing more of this lately and I love it and feel such a difference.
I just spent 3 days and nights camping at a festival. I felt very nostalgic about it. Firstly because when I was a child we didn’t go abroad, we did staycations and often went camping, and I had the best time!
My Dad was a teacher in a private school and he also helped head up the CCF (combined cadet force) and ran lots of ‘outdoorsy’ excursions and I used to go along for the ride. I was a really outdoorsy kid and I completely lost that part of myself when I became a teenager and this stuff wasn’t cool and I put FAR too much importance on what other people thought.
So i’m getting back in touch with it, I even went paddle boarding at the weekend.
We used to go camping, caving, kayaking, rock climbing, rock pooling in cornwall, hiking, fishing, cycling, all sorts.
I actually also just bought a glorious vintage Chloe Raleigh racing bike. I need to clean her up a bit and then i’m ready to go and i’m really looking forward to it!
You make time for the things you prioritise. So make it a priority.
YOU are your biggest investment.
Make it non negotiable.
Make time for the things you love. It’s good for the brain, good for productivity, good for your health, good for your mental health and good for the soul so there really is nothing to feel guilty about!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 23 Dec 2019 | 101 - Do You Actually Know What You Want? | 00:18:31 | |
Do you actually know what you want? From your life and from your business?
It’s easy to THINK we know what we want but when we get there we realise things aren’t exactly what they’re cracked up to be and we’ve been basing what we’re doing on so many factors, but not really on knowing what WE want.
Or actually pin pointing that at all! We’re usually very clear on what we DON’T want, but are we really clear on what we DO? What we TRULY want!
The irony is that when you focus on what you don’t want, or don’t have yet, then you just get more of that. The stuff you DON’T want and more of the thing you’re trying to move AWAY from.
Focusing on what you don’t want or don’t have yet can also get you feeling pretty down in the dumps. Impatient. Negative. Frustrated.
Not a great place to dwell let’s be honest.
I don’t want...
I’m sure you know plenty about what you DON’T want...but are you actually clear on what you DO?
So often what we THINK we want is just what we think will get us away from what we DON’T want. But that’s not actually what we want, not really.
Still with me?
This is why so many businesses start, based purely on making money doing something you CAN do.
Usually to get out of a job or a situation you don’t want to be in, but then the motivation and passion for that business quickly goes because the focus wasn’t in the right place.
It was based on trying to move away from what you don’t want, rather than REALLY creating what you do.
Where attention goes, energy flows
Then where’s the ENERGY and emotion really?
On what you DON’T want. On getting AWAY from something. And attention, focus and emotion is a powerhouse combination of creating whatever that is.
I’ve talked about this before but the brain basically ignores the word don’t. So, don’t think about a green hippopotamus.
What popped into your head then?
And when you say to your kids ‘Don’t spill your drink’, what tends to happen?
So when you’re saying ‘I don’t want to be poor’ or ‘I don’t want to be in this job anymore’ what are you getting more of?
You’re also collecting even more evidence and creating more action to stay exactly where you don’t want to be.
Your subconscious mind can be so pesky!
Then comes the impatience, the procrastination, the lack of motivation, the frustration.
The most wonderful time of the year
This is a great time of year to start really doing some work around this.
I don’t believe in ‘new years resolutions’ per se (HERE is a previous episode Why you shouldn’t set resolutions) because again, it’s a focus on what you don’t want, not what you do.
I do believe in knowing what you really want and setting goals in a way that works for you to give you focus, a place for your attention and help you make decisions among a TONNE of other reasons. (HERE is another previous episode How to set goals that work for you)
It’s a time to look at what did and didn’t work for you in 2019 and ongoing what is and isn’t working FOR YOU.
It might be working on paper, as in making money, but is it actually what you want?
What do you want more of? What do you want less of?
So how do we turn this around when it’s so easy to get confused?
Now, knowing the ‘don’t wants’ is actually very helpful because it can really help you find what you DO want.
For example, you don’t want to be in a job because you don’t get to spend time with your family, so what you DO want is something that is more flexible so you CAN spend more time with your family.
Cool, then you can explore that. You can use it almost as a pros and cons because the obvious answer isn’t always the obvious answer.
For example you may think you want a business so you can have the freedom to spend time with your family, then end up creating another job which often takes even MORE time.
Because you’ve set it up to move away from what you don’t want rather than setting it up to make sure it’s structured around the REAL thing you want to create.
It may be actually that you’d rather have a combination of a part time job AND a business doing something you love, it really is up to you and all based around what you want.
There’s no judgement to be made either way. It just requires some honesty.
If you know you want your business to be full time, what are your non negotiables in terms of time, money, how you work, who you work with? Really flesh it out to the finest of details.
Don’t get too caught up in being attached to these things because it’s fluid, it will change over time.
Often once you try something out you figure out more of the ‘don’t wants’ along the way...which also means you will figure out more of the ‘dos’.
It’s ok to change your mind, to pivot, and to THINK you want something only to get there and realise it’s not as great as you thought it was going to be.
Good old behavioural flexibility...working this stuff out is a GOOD thing!
It helps you set your boundaries when you have real clarity over what you want.
So when you find a ‘don’t want’ ask yourself what you would prefer instead.
Clarity on what you want keeps you moving towards it.
Both consciously AND unconsciously.
When you’re super clear on where it is you’re heading then your brain will start to work with you to be able to get it.
Knowing what you want helps you make decisions. When you operate from a place of knowing what you want and where you want to be it makes the yeses AND the nos FAR more easy.
You get laser focused and can identify if something is just going to keep you busy or actually be a step closer to where you want to get.
Something to watch out for…
You take action based on what you believe is possible too.
Working out what you want is AMAZING, but there may be some work to do on your unconscious beliefs of what’s possible. Your expectations need to align with your beliefs to make them happen.
This is another reason people can set up businesses they don’t love, because they’re basing it on what they think is POSSIBLE rather than what they really want.
It’s the ‘should’ vs ‘want to’ inner tussle. It’s easy to confuse them. So always ask yourself why you’re doing something.
The ‘shoulds’ also get in the way of knowing what YOU want vs what someone else wants for you, so again, asking yourself the right questions is going to be key here.
Clarity helps you distinguish between what’s going to get you what you want, and what’s just going to be a distraction.
It may look great on paper, but is it actually the right opportunity for you to get where you’re trying to go.
Clarity really helps with filtering out the noise, and shiny object syndrome too.
There’s SO much out there but often the shiny objects come from us not being clear about what we really want, so we jump from thing to thing hoping we’ll find it.
When you KNOW, those things can still be on your radar but you’ll be able to know what to focus on first. For example, taking speaker training when you haven’t actually decided what your business is.
Or Facebook ads before you’ve worked out what you’re selling. All VERY valuable information, but where’s the focus and the priority that will drive you forwards? Probably on working out what your business is and what you’re actually selling right?
Training your brain and your unconscious mind
Being super clear on what you want makes sure you’re training your Reticular activating system in your brain to filter out the right opportunities for you, which is where all those weird little synchronicities start to come up.
Just before you go to bed at night is a GREAT time to essentially ‘instruct’ your unconscious mind with what you want so it will get to work for you while you sleep. So journal, visualise, listen to hypnosis and feed your brain the right programming for getting what you want.
Notice when you ignore what you want because of excuses or stories you’re telling yourself about your abilities or lack of resources.
Any of those ‘reasons’ you’re telling yourself you can’t have it. Those can be challenged, changed, found and dismissed and while they’re there they WILL get in the way of your results!
Watch where your emotions are because they are the fuel to the fire of what you create and focus on in your life.
So what if you’re not 100% sure what you want?
Create a list of ‘money is no object’ things that you want.
You can do this in different areas of your life. A bucket list of things you want to do or achieve essentially.
SO many people have never done this and some surprises may come up...no more waiting!
You can pick some key ones and use these goals on a yearly, monthly, weekly, daily basis if you like!
Imagine how much more you could get done, and how much closer you could be to getting everything you want when you know every day what you’re working towards.
Ask yourself if you were the most confident person, money and time were no option and there were no limitations, what would you do?
What is your ideal day, how can you work your life around steps towards that NOW?
Experiment! Go pick up some ‘potential’ hobbies. You’ll soon find what lights a fire in your belly. This can become your business OR just simply be your creative outlet. Something you love doing purely for the joy of it.
What you search for these days delivers alllll the opportunities to get it.
I mean sometimes it’s terrifying and you feel like Alexa and Facebook are literally in your head BUT on the positive side you can filter out the rubbish fairly quickly and often find the exact thing or person you need because it’s targeted so specifically to your likes and dislikes.
So there’s some food for thought here. Whether you thought you knew what you wanted and created a beast that needs to be tamed. Or you’re still trying to figure out what YOU want really looks like.
The bottom line is, if you don’t know what you want, how are you ever going to get it?
Let’s make a deal to let go of some of the ‘shoulds’ and take the focus off the ‘don’t wants’ for 2020 and really shift the focus to what you DO want, so you can flipping create it!!
It’s all yours for the taking.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 06 Feb 2023 | How To Have A Quantum Leap | 00:11:08 | |
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How To Have A Quantum Leap
So many people talk about quantum leaps as if they are a magical mystical thing.
Maybe they are. I’m totally open minded to these things.
I’m also very practically minded too.
So, what is a quantum leap?
The term is less used in reference to its place in physics and more in terms of having a huge change or leap in the direction you want to go in a seemingly far shorter amount of time than most people think it ‘should’ take.
The idea of collapsing time.
The Cambridge dictionary describes it as ‘a great improvement or development or advance in something’.
And my goodness have I been quantum leaping all over the place over the last month let me tell you!
My life, and who I am, is fundamentally and completely different.
Unrecognisable in fact from the version of me a month ago.
So who could I be in another month?
Who could I be by the end of the year?
How exciting is that?
You’re always SO close to a HUGE change but it takes a little bravery to take a leap and take the action required to get that quantum leap where there’s a moment that you look back and go ‘whoa, how did I do that so quickly?!’
It might be a career change.
It might be a niche change in your business.
It might be a change in relationship status.
It might be letting go of a toxic person in your life.
It might be simply being super honest with yourself about what feels out of alignment and finally stopping ignoring the niggle and taking some action.
So often we can plod our way through life not really changing anything much, yet still hoping for these epic quantum leaps and it just doesn’t work that way.
But why do these quantum leaps seem so ethereal and unachievable?
Often because we’re looking for a short cut to where we want to be and we’re looking in the wrong places.
People think they’re intellectual missing some key piece of information but the missing piece is actually the action that you’re avoiding.
This is where nervous system work comes into play.
The more tolerant you are of discomfort the easier quantum leaps become.
You have to learn to sit in tension.
You have to learn to work WITH your nervous system to increase your window of tolerance.
This is the trick to SO many things in life. When you do THIS foundational work everything becomes easier.
You’re always going to feel tension when you’re doing anything new or making a big change because that’s how we’re wired.
We’re wired to instinctively protect ourselves at all costs.
That means anything outside the realms of our current habitual wiring.
That’s why it can feel so difficult to make changes and we can feel like there’s this internal tug of war happening with ourselves.
That’s because there is.
There’s dissonance between what you want and your current wiring.
This is where support comes into the equation.
Think back to hard things you’ve done, did you have support?
Did you talk it through with people and enlist help to make sure you don’t go back on doing what you say you’re going to? Or making sure you stick with something to get you through the hard bit before it’s wired in?
That’s absolutely something I've done HUGELY that has immeasurable contributed to my quantum leaps over the last months, 6 weeks really.
If I hadn’t had the support of my incredible friends, family and therapist I guarantee I wouldn’t have achieved what I have in such a short space of time.
So what support have you got in place right now? If you don’t have any, where could you find it?
There’s very real, physiological reasons that these things are hard. You can’t out human yourself!
I believe psychoeducation is essential, which is a big part of what I try to do here for you. When you understand how we all tick as humans it becomes easier to override your own wiring.
When you know what to expect you can navigate it with so much more ease and less internal struggle and less internal negative self talk.
You understand what’s REALLY going on AND how to move through it, without being horrendous to yourself in your own head and believing what you’re telling yourself.
This makes things so much quicker. Even just understanding that rewiring your brain and nervous system is in itself a huge piece of the puzzle.
The next thing that I believe is essential in creating quantum leaps I've touched on previously. You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Comfort is the killer of quantum leaps.
Taking the time to increase your nervous systems window of tolerance and increasing your vagal tone. The vagus nerve is the key to a huge amount of change and to be fair warrants an entire episode but for now if you want to learn more please go back and listen to my interview with Stefan Chmelik who is the founder of Sensate which I'm an ambassador for.
The sensate device is one of the many ways you can increase your vagal tone and heart rate variability (again, I think that warrants its own episode!)
You can also use Heartmath, the Apollo Neuro device, breathwork, meditation, exercise, singing, gargling, humming, EFT (tapping) and lots lots more.
This really is fundamental in learning to tolerate the discomfort that you will inevitably go through when making big changes.
Work on your consciousness. Unlearn your conditioning through self awareness work. Watch out for where your attention is. Is it on moving forwards or being stuck?
It matters hugely. When you can become the observer of your own thoughts you really do become the master of your life. No joke. It takes practice but it becomes simply how you think.
Everything becomes habitual with practice and repetition. Be intentional and curious.
TAKE ACTION and KEEP MOVING.
Do the healing work, regulate your emotions and work with your nervous system.
Your next quantum leap starts with one choice or decision, followed by action. Then another. Then another.
You aren’t missing pieces of the puzzle. You have it all already, you just need to use it.
I often say ‘who you are today isn’t who you have to be tomorrow.’ I love that. I lived that.
I love how empowering it is to KNOW that in every fibre of your being.
To know that if you’re having a tough time or you’re not happy or you want something big to change that it’s actually FAR closer than you think.
I for one am SO excited for where i’m going to be by the end of the year because I know the possibilities are endless and I’m already reaping all the energetic benefits of the big, giant, quantum leaps.
Like I say, where I am and who I am now is NOT the same as a month ago. Unrecognisable, and it started with a big, huge, terrifying decision, along with all the other things I've talked about today.
You’re absolutely capable of quantum leaps.
But you have to take action.
I can’t wait to hear about yours!
Fx | |||
| 26 Jul 2021 | What’s Your Relationship With Time? | 00:09:57 | |
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What’s Your Relationship With Time?
What’s your relationship with time like?
Are you in a committed relationship...or is it complicated?
When people first start out in business, time is one of the biggest reasons I see getting in the way. The funny thing with time is, the more you say you don’t have enough of it, the more that’s going to be true.
The more you train your brain to send you all the evidence that’s true, the more you’ll create things to do for yourself that you might not need to.
I’m a big believer that time bends to our will. If it’s in the diary you find a way to make it happen.
We’re often really blissfully unaware in all the ways that we unconsciously ‘waste’ time.
But I also see a lot of people thinking they can’t TAKE time. Particularly for themselves. This doesn’t do us any good.
Especially if the whole reason we started a business in the first place is more freedom!
So what do we do about this?
First of all we analyse how we’re spending our time. Be more consciously aware of what you’re doing with it throughout the day. A good way to do this is to track it.
Second, we start blocking it. How long do we spend every day on email, or on social media, client work, our own business work, creating content. You can time block anything...including time for procrastination!
Next, we look at batching. Batching is essentially putting the same or similar tasks together. This could be social media content, writing emails, creating content, errands. Whatever you do every day or week that could actually be done together while you’re in the ‘zone’. This was a game changer for me when I started my business alongside my job. Batching things and scheduling things meant that my business could run even if it wasn’t me specifically doing that thing at that time.
We start looking at what we can delegate. This is a biggie. I don’t just mean in your business, I mean in your life. What can you delegate? Social media scheduling? Design work? Editing? The shopping? The cleaning? The gardening? All those things where you’re like ooooooooh I need to do that thing and I don’t wanna! All those things you kind of wish you didn’t have to do but are necessary. They just don’t necessarily have to be done by YOU! My VA when I started was a life saver. So many things just wouldn’t have been done without her.
My favourite way of looking at this is based on the big leap by Gay Hendricks. In there he speaks about a lawyer client of his who was battling with setting up a printer (or something like that, I can’t quite remember!) He spent days getting stressed out about it and Gay asks ‘what’s your hourly rate? It was somewhere in the region of $350. Then he asked ‘if you add that up how much have you ‘spent’ on this task?’...The lawyer did that terrifying maths and went and paid the kid next door a few dollars and it was done within minutes.
The point is, you shouldn’t be doing things that are outside your zone of genius ideally. The first things you outsource are the things in your zone of incompetence. We all have one. Mines tech.
Then as soon as you can outsource things in your zone of competence. Those things you can do but someone else can do just as well as you.
Then you spend your time in your zone of genius. Where you are the absolute BEST person for the job.
Next we get conscious and honest with ourselves when it comes to time. So many of us grew up feeling like if we had time for things, that meant we weren’t successful. Many of us grew up believing success meant no time!
So many of us feel validated by being ‘busy’, so even if we don’t have to be, we will create it.
Those busy being busy tasks come out to play.
So if that unconscious programme is running, why on earth would you want to find time? Wouldn’t that look like or mean you’re not successful? It’s SO important to pick this stuff out.
What did you grow up seeing, hearing, modelling around time? Was everyone around you busy?
Did they have time for you?
Did they have time for themselves?
Did they have time to do the things they loved?
That doesn’t have to be your story.
The reality of time is we always find the time for the things that are the most important to us. Consciously or unconsciously. That’s closer to the truth, right. Sometimes ‘I don’t have time’ is actually just ‘it’s not a priority’.
The important thing here is that we recognise that hustle culture is something that has been created and isn’t something to be glorified.
Burnout isn’t something to be glorified.
Not feeling able to spend time with our friends and family isn’t something to be glorified.
Feeling gui;ty about spending time on yourself isn’t something to be glorified.
So is it time to clear up your relationship to time yet?
Fx | |||
| 12 Nov 2018 | 044 - Can You Really Make 6 Figures In 6 Months? | 00:13:27 | |
Can You Really Make 6 Figures In 6 Months Online?Show note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/6figures/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Can You Really Make 6 Figures In 6 Months Online?I’m going to get a little blunt and ranty in this post today because there’s something going on that I feel compelled to talk about because it’s a big issue if you’re an online entrepreneur. I’ve been in the online space for about a while now and what I’m currently seeing makes me sad…and makes me mad. Have You Made 6 Figures Yet?There are certain messages that are repeatedly being put out there and served to us in daily advertising that quite simply preys on people’s vulnerabilities. They prey on people’s fears and it’s causing them to make bad decisions and absolutely cripple their self esteem. In many cases it’s making people quit altogether because they don’t feel good enough, they don’t feel worthy, question why it’s happening for everyone else and not ME! What’s wrong with me?! Let Me Know If Any Of This Sounds Familiar:Insert picture in front of the Eiffel tower sipping champagne in a pair of chanel sunnies and Louboutin shoes… “6 months ago I only DREAMED of this being my reality…and now it is! I can show you the EXACT steps I took in my business to quit my corporate job and make 6 figures in JUST 6 months” Or this: Insert similar picture…ooooh this time maybe on a luxury yacht! “Are you an Entrepreneur…or a Wantrepreneur?! You need to get out of your corporate job right now and go ALL IN or you’ll simply NEVER get there!” There are a few things wrong with both of these scenarios and they are ALL too common. 6 Figures In 6 Months My Eye!I’ll begin at the beginning and tackle the first one. We are being BOMBARDED with statements of ‘6 figures in 6 months’ every….single…day. The first problem is, this is NOT everybody’s goal…and if it’s not YOUR goal, you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it. Whoever kicked this one off I would love to give a good firm shake! What’s The MAIN Issue?The main issue is it shames anyone earning less than 6 figures and makes people feel ‘less than’…which is RIDICULOUS! The majority of people in the country aren’t earning 6 figures and above (The average salary in the UK 2016/17 was £26,500!!!) and if that wasn’t a goal in your job…it doesn’t have to be in your business. If your business makes enough to sustain you and pay the bills that is a SPECTACULAR achievement, whether it’s £10k, £30k or £100k. Don’t let anybody else’s benchmarks get in the way of you doing your thing OR make you feel anything less than incredible just for backing yourself…plenty of people wouldn’t! It’s become a badge of honour that simply didn’t exist before, as if anything under £100,000 is just NOT good enough and that’s certainly not the case. Do Your Due DiligenceThe next thing wrong with this picture is the sheer amount of people claiming it…that aren’t actually doing it…is insane! You REALLY have to do your due diligence on this one. If it looks too good to be true it usually is. There ARE people in the online space who have integrity and cut out the BS, look for them! The reality is that 6 figures in 6 months IS achievable, if you’re already established,have an audience and have a product or service. I’m sure there are magical unicorns out there who have done it BUT the part that the majority of people are missing out is the year or more of hustling that went before it. So again, you’re being given a totally unrealistic benchmark and it’s breeding horrendous self doubt when people don’t hit it, please try and remember that you never see the whole picture and trust your gut. Trust your sleazeometer….it’s usually right! There is also an element of allowing people to believe what they want. Hang on…so, did your business make that gross total? Net profit? Did you pay yourself that as a salary? All VERY different numbers! YOU set your goals, not the industry. The EXACT Steps You Need!PLUS…please watch out for ‘EXACT’ steps…again do your due diligence. If someone built an audience of thousands but it was back in 2015…or even 2017 when algorithms were TOTALLY different, GDPR wasn’t imminent, facebook wasn’t pay to play and organic growth was far easier. You are benchmarking yourself against an unrealistic goal again here. The goal posts were moved and the reality is it’s MUCH harder today than it was even 1 year ago and when your audience isn’t growing as fast as other people claim there’s did, it again makes you question your self worth, your ability and makes you second guess yourself. It’s SO easy to quit when you feel this way and I just don’t want that for you. You CAN do it, it’s all there right in front of you but it takes time, work and the right mindset to get you there. What If You Have A Job, Are You Still A REAL Entrepreneur?The next thing I want to talk about is all this ‘job bashing’ that’s going on. The sense that if you’re still in a 9-5 job that you aren’t REALLY an entrepreneur/business owner. That it’s a dirty little secret that means you’re not as good as everybody else. Here’s the thing with that. It’s absolute BS. There are more people today with side hustles than ever before. More people creating extra income streams into their lives without leaving their 9-5. There are more corporate jobs being replaced by artificual intellignece than ever before….who’s going to come out on top? Having a job while you build your business can be one of the most sensible things you can do. Here’s Why.You can INVEST in yourself. You have the income to invest into business set up, learning, development, team members, support networks, coaches etc. The pressure is OFF. I see time and time again people taking on clients who were clearly not right and then people being burned for thousands of pounds because they ‘couldn’t’ turn away the money. You can get a mortgage!! Here Comes The Fear!The reality is if you just quit without knowing you’re covered for at least a little while, you are hugely likely to go straight into scarcity and lack mode. The fear centre of your brain will go CRAZY, you’ll not make the best decisions for you and often it will stop you in your tracks. Cue some SERIOUS STRESS! I know, i’ve done it once before and it wasn’t pretty!! So What’s The Point Here?It’s time to STOP listening to and measuring yourself against totally unrealistic goals. Your self worth and ability is NOT tied to other people’s opinions, it’s tied to YOURS! You really can do and have it all and there is NO shame in having a job and NO shame in not hitting 6 figures yet. It’s about being realistic. Realistic and sensible with your time, your risks, your investment and your expectation. You absolutely CAN and WILL do this. I can help you navigate all these inevitable mindset gremlins, you don’t have to do this on your own! Just don’t give up. You’ve got this! Fx
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| 20 Jan 2020 | 105 - You Are Not Here To Be Average! | 00:20:32 | |
You are not here to be average
You are NOT here to be average. To fit in. You’re just not.
The very fact your listening to/reading this shows that!
SCREW average!
We spend so much of our lives trying to ‘fit in’ but fitting in is exactly that. Average.
You were meant to STAND OUT!
In the best way possible, for no other reason than you’re being yourself. Completely.
Sound scary?
Got a personal one coming your way today that I hope will make you have a good long think about where things like this might be showing up for you.
I was on a call with my meditation mentor yesterday and we got talking about the mind body connection (one of the presuppositions of NLP is that the mind and the body are a linked system) and how often the cause of illness or certain ailments is actually linked to something emotional, often stress, but ALSO often linked to some sort of incident in your past (that’s information for another day as it’s a HUGE subject in itself ha, but have a google, it’s fascinating! Sandy Newbigging the author of Mind Calm and Body Calm has a wealth of information around this and is also my mentor).
I’ve had a few health issues over the last few months and i’ve got an operation coming up in March so it makes sense that this would come up in our session so we started working on what potential incident in my past could have linked to this.
I know if you’ve not read anything into this before that can sound a bit far fetched but stick with it, when you study the unconscious mind, NLP, hypnosis and all the other juicy stuff I study then it’s actually a very obvious place to go...so stick with me!
Now, your subconscious mind can be SO helpful and will always give you what you need.
It’s basically stored everything from your life in there for you to access when you need it and all your ‘recorded’ experiences have formed your habits, beliefs, thought processes...basically rules your life so when you can learn to work with it and be curious about what comes up you can make significant changes and moves towards everything you want.
You can also get rid of so many beliefs, emotions and ties to things that you know hold you back.
Here comes my favourite quote again from Carl Jung, ‘until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.’
It’s just a case of asking yourself powerful questions and noticing what comes up.
You’ll always get an image, or a particular random memory will seemingly come from nowhere. Notice when that happens because there is pretty much always a reason.
So, an incident came up for me in this session from when I was 11 and when we delved into how it made me feel and what it caused me to make it MEAN at the time.
What belief it created that I then used to run my entire life from that moment.
Now, it’s a common experience that MANY people had around that age of being bullied and being judged.
For me it was specifically around food and the way I looked. (If you’ve been listening to me for a while you’ll know that’s been one of my toughest nuts to crack and I always love a weight loss analogy to demonstrate a point ha!)
For me it started as the emotions of hurt, sadness, shame and guilt that made me feel there was something fundamentally wrong with me and THEREFORE i’m unlikeable and unlovable.
I mean.
A biggie right.
From two mean girls who were just acting from THEIR own unconscious programming throwing me ‘shade’ I got ALL that.
In that instant, when I first looked back to that memory it was as if it instantly changed any previous beliefs around myself to what THEY thought of me...because it MUST be true right?!
You can see how critical it is to find out what these beliefs are and blast them out the water as soon as you can.
If you felt like that about yourself (hurt, sadness, shame and guilt that made me feel there was something fundamentally wrong with me and THEREFORE i’m unlikeable and unlovable) what actions would it lead you take and not take, how would it make you show up to other people?
How would it make you show up in relationships?
How would it make you show up in friendships with people who DID like and love you that you shunned because they weren’t the ‘cool kids’, it wasn’t THEIR approval you needed.
What behaviour would it make you take that didn’t feel right just so you could be accepted by those cool kids’ (who all peak in school by the way!)
How would it make you show up in your business when a prerequisite it to put yourself out there to be judged and KNOW not everyone is going to like you?
Now, this is a belief I’ve done tonnes of work around thankfully so it hasn’t affected how I show up for years...and I really thought I had blasted most of it out the water.
HOWEVER, I hadn’t ever done anything related to this specific incident (the belief is one thing to work on, the incident itself is another and where NLP can be an AMAZING tool!)
So we distilled my big long belief into the real crux of it, ‘I feel hurt and rejected and nobody wants to be my friend’. (Please remember I was only 11 when I formed this one ha, bless me, it sounds so sad!)
So, what this caused me to do throughout my childhood, through school, university, my first job, my career, my relationships, probably until I was about 30 ha, was try and fit in.
Whatever that meant in each situation it was HUGELY important to me to do what was necessary to feel accepted and fit in with people.
It meant I didn’t share my opinions, was pretty quiet, submissive, did things that were against my values and what I believed but I made myself ‘wrong’.
I attracted friends who treated me badly, horrendous relationships including an emotionally abusive one in my late teens, early twenties.
I attracted bullies.
I attracted horrible bosses.
I got myself into scrapes i’m not proud of (booze and boys were definitely my vices!) but it was a belief that I had to be and act a certain way to be liked and loved, or even accepted.
Because there was something fundamentally wrong with me right? So I couldn’t be myself!
I attracted all the things that confirmed my belief that ‘I’m hurt, rejected and people don’t want to be my friend’.
Funny how that works, right?
Remember, your subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish between good, bad, right or wrong, it just does everything it can to affirm your beliefs and send you evidence that you’re right and keep you safe.
So it made being myself ‘dangerous’. Don’t let anyone see who you really are or what you really think or they’ll reject you because there’s something fundamentally wrong with you and you are unlikeable and unlovable!
I should be grateful for the people who were happy to hang out with me, or be in a relationship with me and should accept any way they treated me, it was what I deserved.
Can you see how important this is?
Can you see how it affects EVERYTHING you do?
So when we ‘tackled’ this incident and proved it wrong on so many levels and did the necessary unconscious mind jiggery pokery I had quite the realisation that has kind of changed everything.
SCREW fitting in!
When fitting in means going against your values, who you are and what you believe (which it usually does!) WHAT IS THE FLIPPING POINT?!
The odds of you being here on this earth were 400 TRILLION to 1...It’s a freaking miracle and so many of us waste it on things we just don’t need to...this is YOUR life, LIVE it!
I’ve wondered why I've felt so heavy for a while in some areas of my business and I've realised it’s because I'm trying to fit in in some way.
Which means i’m being average.
It means i’m also allowing myself to be treated in some areas in ways i’m NOT ok with.
I realised the mirror between the ‘cool kids’ at school and the ‘cool kids’ in this industry and I realised I absolutely don’t want to be one of them. No judgement, it’s just not for me.
If anyone makes me feel like I should be anything less than who I am then they are not my people.
The people who ‘pretend’ to be friends so they can get something from you.
That’s not for me.
I talk about how I like to do things my way and not follow ‘gurus’ and only learn from people with integrity and put my own spin on things but I hadn’t realised I was holding myself back there too.
So expect some changes to be comin!!
It’s time to let some things go.
The first will be closing my Facebook group. I actually don’t love hanging out on Facebook, it’s not my natural ‘habitat’ I don’t hang out in other people’s groups or anything like that...it’s just never really been my happy place. I’ll still be posting on my page and my personal profile and it’s not to say I won’t open another group in the future...it’s just not for me right now, it feels heavy.
But, I LOVE Instagram...so make sure you’re following me over there @imfranexcell because i’m going to up my game there, because it FEELS good, for ME.
I love my mastermind group so I will be doing the early podcast recordings for them instead and taking questions and creating episodes based on what they want or need. Because it feels good!
I will be doing more in person, events and actually inviting people who book in one of my VIP intensives to come to my home in Kent 1 hour out of London because it’s REAL and it feels good!
I’m finally going to be getting my journal out into the world, even though people say ‘don’t go low ticket it’s hard’!
SCREW THAT!
It feels GOOD, it’s been ‘calling’ me for YEARS and I know on my mission to help 1 million women love their lives and get everything they want it’s going to be a big player AND IT FREAKING FEELS GOOD!
I know people can listen to the podcast for free but I want to give them a REAL, tangible tool they can hold in their hands so I can help make it as easy as possible for them to actually take action and change their neural networks and unconscious programming...whether they can afford my mastermind or 1:1 help or not!
IT FREAKING FEELS GOOD!
So what are all the things you do...or don’t do...currently that don’t feel good and keep you average?
That keeps you small and in the ‘fitting in’ bucket?
What are you doing that just feels out of alignment for you, feels heavy and negative, that really if you’re being honest with yourself you’re only doing because other people do or because you’ll fit in when you do it?
Really ask yourself these and see what comes up. Don’t question it, write it down and get curious.
WHO makes you feel ‘heavy’ or less than? Stop following them, you can still be friends if you want to without having to read their content if you don’t agree or it makes you feel bad, be curious about why that is sure...but just unfollow.
That’s the magic, when you’re completely and utterly standing in your own worth/truth/values whatever you want to call it...you don’t even have to ‘let people go’ if you don’t want to, you can love them despite your differences with your own set of values in place.
I have friends in this industry that I fundamentally don’t agree with how they do things, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
It’s about becoming the observer of your own thoughts and judgements and being ok if other people don’t agree because you’re completely comfortable with who you are.
From now on it’s all about REAL.
REAL connection.
Screw 6 figures in 6 months, screw 7 figures, screw all the badges and labels that have been created to ‘validate’ who you are in some way.
Screw perfection.
Screw comparison.
Screw the need to be a ‘cool kid’ (they all peaked in school anyway remember...ha!)
Screw the puppets still stuck on the strings of their mind being run by their unconscious programming and insecurities, what they say means nothing about you.
Success without fakeness or being run by any kind of insecurity for me please!
It’s not positive feedback to ‘fit in’ in the first place because it means you’re being average.
And you’re not average my friend!
You want big things and big things don’t come from average.
SCREW AVERAGE!
Who are you without those bonkers beliefs holding you back? Go be that person! That’s where the magic is!
So what’s your next action my friend? What are you letting go of? How can you be more you? Don’t try and fit in when you were made to stand out.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 20 Aug 2018 | 032 - How To Recognise Overwhelm | 00:12:05 | |
How To Recognise OverwhelmShow note links: To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Book in a discovery call with me: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min
For more information on this topic head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/recogniseoverwhelm/ How To Recognise OverwhelmUh oh…here comes overwhelm! Are you always feeling like you’re ‘spinning your wheels’?Like you just can’t keep up or that everything is going wrong, you’re SO busy but nothing is getting done?Feeling like you have to rush everything or just don’t know where to start?Overwhelm could be the thing getting in your way right now.Pesky Overwhelm GremlinOverwhelm can be a pesky little mindset gremlin that can cause absolute havoc on your mindset AND on your ability to get stuff done.It’s also one of the number one reasons clients come to me for help and one of the main reasons we procrastinate. Argh!Once you can recognise that’s what’s going on for you, it’s much easier to work out a plan to move forwards.If it’s something you struggle with regularly we need to create some new habits to stop it from happening.Overwhelm can cause you to not trust your own judgement, which leads to indecision and not knowing the way forward.The thing with overwhelm is it keeps us in a constant state of fight or flight. You have all those stress hormones pumping around your body creating that feeling of anxiety. That’s also REALLY bad for your health long term.But it’s actually your thoughts that are creating it rather than your external circumstances themselves. Our feelings come from our thoughts and when we’re in overwhelm we have a massive tendency to overthink everything. It’s when our thoughts get out of control that the overwhelm or anxiety really sets in.Thoughts can be changed, so that’s what we need to focus on to get through it and make sure it doesn’t come back so quickly.Horrible Loop Of NegativityWhen the frustration and negative thoughts creep in that’s when you get into a horrible little negative loop, more of these thoughts come, then more cortisol and adrenaline comes, you feel more of the physiological feelings of overwhelm (heart beating faster, blood rushing to your head, anxious butterflies and the like!) and then you really start to feel like you’re in a pickle.Time For Some AwarenessWhat we need to do is create awareness, break the cycle and then break it all down so you’re not focusing on the big huge scary task.Our brain doesn’t actually love huge big picture tasks, it likes small manageable things to do.So here’s a few ways to recognise it so you can start to create the awareness you need to break the habit.Are You Overwhelmed?> Your sleep is interrupted, you have ‘busy mind monkeys’ when you’re trying to go to sleep, or you wake up in the middle of the night with it…potentially along with some lovely heart palpitations thrown in for good measure.>No matter how much sleep you DO get you still ALWAYS feel tired and have zero energy.> Then when you DO wake up you instantly have that impending feeling of dread and doom about the day ahead.> Your ability to problem solve and think rationally is nowhere to be seen.> A MASSIVE lack of enthusiasm towards all the things you need to do…and life in general let’s be honest!> You feel super stroppy and short tempered…feeling like a real sensitive snappy Sally! (This one is when I know…usually pointed out by the hubster ha!) Often you can feel like the slightest little thing will set off the waterworks.> You’re procrastinating BIG time! You’ve got a TONNE of things to do…but your facebook feed is just oh so enticing! Procrastination is often your brain’s way of trying to give you a ‘break’ by doing something mind numbing but then you feel ALL the procrastination frustration and start beating yourself up for not getting anything done and for ‘wasting’ time…and it’s really not a fun loop to get into.> You want to do ALL THE THINGS but your motivation to actually do them has upped and left the building.> On that note…Your productivity is at an all time low…apart from somehow you’re just soooo busy!!> You’re struggling to focus on anything and your attention span has decreased to minus numbers, you feel like you’re just ‘flitting’ from one thing to the next.> Everything just feels a bit ‘frantic’. You feel like you’re ‘on-edge’ the whole time and totally unable to relax..even when you’re trying to. You just feel like you’re totally ‘out of control’.> Your memory seems…like a distant memory! You’re being super forgetful all the time and it’s driving you bonkers!> You’re not looking after yourself. You’re eating too much junk and drinking too much pinot noir/gin/porn star martinis…your poison…I won’t judge, and you can’t remember the last time you actually did anything for YOU!> You’re cutting corners and rushing everything. You’re doing things in a way you wouldn’t normally and have less care for things that could potentially have negative consequences, such as driving too fast, running across the road without looking properly anything you’d normally be very sensible about.>You’re catastrophising every little thing that happens rather than looking at it with your rational problem solving mind.> You feel like you can’t do anything and your confidence is plummeting in your work. You feel like you’re just ‘rubbish’ at what you do…which rational you knows is not true!>You’re getting sick and feeling drained and run down. You could be heading towards burnout so really LISTEN to your body on this one!So There Are A Few Ways To Tell, There Are Countless More That Will Be Personal To You.If you’re recognising any of these in yourself then head over to my other post ‘From Overwhelm to Action’ and ‘How to stop overthinking everything’ and find some great ways to combat it and get you back on track.As I said before, the key to this is recognising and becoming AWARE of any of these behaviours, they’re all signs you’re doing too much and it doesn’t have to be that way.We need to find a way to help you focus, prioritise, break things down and find ways to get you being and feeling more productive.You’re not alone, this is such a common problem and one of the core reasons i’ve created my ‘Proactive Pants Mastermind’ to help you get out from that overwhelm and procrastination frustration and get you into positive action, feeling on track, in control and actually making progress.If you want a little piece of that in your business and in your life then make sure you book a call with me because i’m only accepting people i’ve actually spoken to and there will only be 5 people allowed in at the early bird rate. You can book your call through the link at the top of the page.Fx | |||
| 09 Sep 2019 | 086 - What Happens When You Stretch Your Comfort Zone | 00:14:57 | |
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What Happens When You Stretch Your Comfort Zone I always like to tell people how all the unicorns, rainbows and magic live outside your comfort zone, and I 100% know that to be true.
All the good stuff happens when you get over yourself and push yourself further than you thought you could go.
So i’m someone who knows this and consistently pushes myself outside my comfort zone, and something interesting happened this last week.
I’ve just returned from a 5 day speaker certification event in Frankfurt and I wanted to share a few things that I noticed while I was there.
The event and the course itself didn’t feel outside my comfort zone at all, I love this stuff. Learning lights me on fire so I was excited to go and I'm more than happy to hold my own and speak to people I don’t know.
No problemmo (even that is awesome to say because I used to be exactly the opposite!)
However, there were a few little things along the way where I hadn’t really appreciated the significance of it beforehand.
A time for firsts!
First of all, it was my first course like this that was outside of the UK.
I would normally always say no to those.
It was a pattern, automatic habit where my brain would say no.
It was just a fact to me that I wouldn’t do it. I’d look at the pitch with disappointment and no thought of how I could actually make it happen or the fact that if I were to just challenge it, it was totally rubbish that it was out of my reach.
I have never been a very good ‘traveller’ to the point that I have ever been abroad on my own. It was something that just wasn’t ‘me’.
I have always found the process of getting to the airport, getting through security, finding the gate and takeoff incredibly stressful so i’ve avoided it.
I never went travelling and would avoid anywhere that didn’t have a direct flight. The whole thing just totally outside my comfort zone.
So to say I was even going in the first place was a big thing for me.
I still invested thousands to go even though my pesky inner voice was telling me not to and decided I would just have to figure it out.
Logistics!
So, then I booked the flight, found the hotel, got myself to the plane and off I went! I was so proud of myself...even at 35 years old ha!
Another couple of people in the same group as me were on the same flight, I had met them before but didn’t know them, and usually this would have given me a huge sense of relief, someone to cling to so I didn't have to worry.
Observations and promises lead to good stuff
So it was really interesting to observe my thoughts, and I was a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn’t going the whole hog on my own.
Not because I didn’t want to be with the people i’d met.
I felt like I'd cheated myself out of a growth and learning experience a bit.
I made a promise to myself to consistently get myself out of my comfort zone for the duration of the trip.
All too easy
The thing that was so interesting about this for me was just how easy it is for us to cheat ourselves out of those experiences that will make us grow.
This leads me onto my next point about surrounding yourself with people who expect more from you and for you. Those who make it impossible to creep back to old patterns and always move you forwards, effortlessly.
I definitely surrounded myself with the right people for the remainder of the trip and my comfort zone was non existent by the end.
Be a front row person
I consider myself a confident, assertive person who is more than happy to get uncomfortable. I thought I was always making sure I was doing getting outside my comfort zone.
This week made me realise all the times, that seemed unimportant at the time, I was cheating myself out of growth.
This trip, I became a front row person!
I’ve always sort of judged the people that hang around early waiting for the doors to open at conferences. That then run to the front, stick their hands up to ask or answer questions, that dance on the stage at the breaks. But I hadn’t thought about why.
At school we called them ‘Gary get-involveds.’ It was seen as a negative to be a ‘keen bean’, that it was ‘un-cool’ in some way so it shouldn’t be done if you want to be liked and accepted.
Well...this week I became one ha!
I was with two wonderful creatures Carla and Melissa who pushed me to be more, by proxy got me to notice and then challenge my judgement and to realise a few things I hadn’t really noticed.
Be a Gary Get-involved!
The people who have the biggest breakthroughs, the people who were having the most fun and gaining the most insights were the people who were willing to get involved, like ALL IN involved, just by grabbing my hand and getting me to sit in the front row. That’s all they did for me to have all these realisations ha!
It was so gloriously simple and profound all at the same time.
So when on day 2 we met up with another glorious creature Sarah who had been sat somewhere in the middle of the room it got even more interesting.
She was a little more like me.
More of a ‘few rows back, towards the middle is fine’ kind of person.
It would have been very easy to slip back into patterns and I could avoid the front row and go back to the comfort of not having to get involved. But then the magic happened. I realised and recognised my thoughts and I encouraged her to be a front row person too. For the rest of our time there we were ALL front row people.
Now I was a fully fledged front row person but I wasn’t quite yet a dance on stage person, I didn’t feel I had to be at this point.
Carla had been training through all the breaks to lead the crowd in the ‘wake up’ dance routine to get the energy in the room up, and on the last day we were coming back in the room and I heard her on the mic.
Without a second thought when she said ‘I need some dancers on stage please’ I was up there. In front of almost 400 people.
Literally not a second thought. I also had a great time. The importance of people on the same path
We met up with so many people on the same path all with the same goals and every one of us talked about how amazing it was to have those kind of deep conversations you can’t really have with a lot of people outside of that kind of environment.
Do they give or take energy
We’d been doing 7am-2am most nights in training, we were exhausted, we finished on the Sunday at 9.30 pm. A group of us went for dinner and all of a sudden it was 3am...and we could have carried on talking. The other message here is who you surround yourself with can either give you or take away energy!!
Look at your circle
So, look at who you surround yourself with right now. It’s really easy to listen to the quote ‘you’re the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with’ and agree but not really do anything about it.
Until you really, truly see it in practice you just don’t see the huge significance of the truth of that statement.
I really see it in my mastermind too. When other people have wins and successes people push for them more themselves. It raises you up just by being around it. If you see people being negative it brings you down, right?
If you are surrounded by people who don’t push you outside your comfort zone, who actively encourage you to not get out of it, or who pull you back into old habits you’re trying to get out of, or make it too easy for you to stay comfortable then what do you think is going to happen?
If you surround yourself with the people who do the opposite, who drag you up with them, who support you no matter what and encourage you to be more. What do you think is going to happen?
Make that decision for yourself. Look at who you surround yourself with and recognise the patterns where it’s easy for you to slip back and play small.
It doesn’t mean go cull all your friends or anything drastic. It means notice who pushes you to be more (in a positive way, not beating you over the head and telling you you aren’t good enough ha!!) and who doesn’t. You can always learn to love people from a distance. It’s about who you do and don’t have business conversations with.
Another example would be if you want to change any area of your life like health for example, surround yourself with people with higher standards of health for themselves.
The yogis, the runners, the people who eat clean and don’t arrange dinner with the people who are going to suggest Five guys and make you feel bad for wanting to eat healthier.
It’s not about you, it’s about them.
It was really noticeable for me when I wanted to drink less. There were people who just didn’t want to meet up anymore.
It’s really easy to take that personally, but it’s really not personal.
You simply highlight something in them that they don’t want to look at.
That’s fine, they don’t have to. But it is something that comes with personal growth. You’ll pull people up with you and others will get left behind but that’s their choice.
Of course it feels uncomfortable, it’s kind of exactly what it means to go outside of your comfort zone! But when you’re around people who lift you up and force you to grow...what does that mean for your life?
So where in your life can you see this happening?
Where can you become aware of that little inner voice that is trying to hold you back?
What are you going to choose to change?
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 30 Nov 2020 | How To Get Gratitude To Work For You | 00:10:24 | |
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How To Get Gratitude To Work For You
Have you been doing the ‘gratitude thing’ that everyone talks about but something’s not quite clicking for you, and you’re trying to figure out how to get gratitude to actually work for you?
I’ve got you.
Now, You can listen all the way back to episode one titled ‘how to journal for the non dear diary type’ to hear me banging on about how amazing incorporating a daily gratitude habit is for your mind.
It’s what was the beginning of my journey from Eeyore on a bad day to having hosted about 160 episodes of The Positive Pants Podcast.
Gratitude is magic.
As a daily practice, and in the tough times. But it’s not a thing that you ‘do’ it’s a way of life.
Some side effects of practicing gratitude regularly include: - Less stress. - More kindness, to others and yourself. - Better relationships, with others and yourself. - More happiness. - Better sleep. - Higher self esteem. - Less negative self talk. - More relaxation. - More resilience. - More mindfulness. - More presence. - More positivity. - Taking more action. It’s living mindfully. It’s perspective. So some of these are definitely good to have in your back pocket as a business owner right?!
It’s the starting point I teach my clients, well, everybody, when they want to make changes in their lives.
Consistently writing down 3 things per day that you’re grateful for is the most common way to ‘do’ gratitude.
So often it’s a small list for you to write one or two words.
BUT...
The biggest mistake I see is doing your gratitude as if it’s a box you need to tick off.
What I mean by this is the thought process really isn’t in it.
And that’s the part you need.
That’s the important part because the EMOTION of gratitude is what starts to make the changes in your brain that you want.
That’s what re-wires your neural pathways through a process called neuroplasticity to fire and wire new networks to make gratitude your path of least resistance.
So what that means is that becomes your go to way of thinking.
So you can see how that would help with perspective, resilience, patience and all that good stuff.
Which also means it’s so much easier to take action.
So this way of doing things is a frustration of mine because it’s been over simplified. It’s also a frustration I see in clients when they think they’ve ‘tried’ gratitude and not felt the benefits.
It’s really similar with meditation.
It’s making assumptions of how it ‘should’ be and when we’re wired for instant gratification if you don’t see results straight away it’s easy to give up.
Which is the other common mistake I see, giving up too soon.
When you’re practicing gratitude there’s a lot going on in your noggin. You’re wiring new neural networks like I said, and this doesn’t happen overnight.
Most gratitude journals have the 3 lines included. Which is great IF you’re already a bit of a pro.
You can do the thinking process, feel the emotions and just use a word as a prompt. A reminder. You already know to FEEL into it.
Because of this I squirelled away and I’m SO flipping excited that my 365 day per page gratitude journal is available to byy NOW on Amazon.
I take the time to explain all this and you have a whole day per page so you can go into detail about what it really is you’re grateful for. Why you’re grateful for it, what MAKES you grateful for it. How does having it affect your life for the better.
So it allows you the space to dig a little deeper.
It’s also undated. It’s 365 days of Gratitude. Not a year! 365 days.
I’ve done this because when you’re trying to form a new habit you’ll inevitably miss a day from time to time and having the date there flashing you in the face can be upsetting because all our unconscious mean feelings about ourselves can come up.
The ‘you can’t even stick to this’, ‘you’re useless’ all those fun things.
Plus it makes it easier to quit. It’s like a diet right, i’ve eaten the donut so I may as well have the whole bag and there’s no point carrying on trying to be healthy.
I get it. I’ve been there. I see what other people struggle with so i’ve tried to leave that at the door so you can do the same.
Skip a day? That’s cool, go back to it the next day and get back on that horse.
The other thing I encourage with this journal is to do the same technique of really feeling into it but with your future self. I call it ‘future gratitude’
So you imagine yourself in the future, having everything you want, and you do yur daily gratitude from there!
So you could have 2 journals, one for now and one for future you.
It really helps to connect to that version of you. The more you do the more you’ll feel the shifts in the present.
It’s using visualisation. It’s using neuroplasticity to wire in that new version of you. It’s activating the reticular activating system in the brain to help you filter out the opportunities. It’s calming the ego and the amygdala (fear centre of the brain) because the brain doesn’t distinguish between what’s real and imagined.
It really helps prime you for having everything you want in your life. Stepping into that future version of you.
I’m SO excited that it’s out in plenty of time for Christmas. But, remember, it’s undated so you can start now!
You can grab yours at https://bit.ly/365daygratitude
So if you haven’t quite managed to get gratitude to work for you just yet I hope this has sparked a few ideas for you.
I hope it’s helped give you a little motivation, and patience.
It really is magic and one of my favourite tools because I see the powerful shifts that it creates and I want that for you too. Because I know you can have it. It’s yours for the taking my love!
Fx
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| 03 Jan 2018 | 000 - An introduction to The Positive Pants Podcast! | 00:02:02 | |
Hello and welcome to The Positive Pants Podcast. I've created this show to make a heavy subject a little lighter and give you practical, actionable tips to make a big difference to your mindset. I've designed it to be short and sweet so I can fit into your busy day and you can take action, find your positive pants and start really LIVING your life again....you only get one, don't spend it wishing it away Monday-Friday! ;-) In this initial episode I quickly go through who the show is for, what you can expect from me, who I am and when you'll find me! | |||
| 17 Oct 2022 | The Power Of Presence | 00:10:23 | |
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The Power Of Presence
Presence is a practice.
Like most things we talk about around here.
When it comes to life changing personal growth nothing is a ‘one and done’ scenario and requires patience and practice.
That’s where we see all those lovely jubbly lasting changes that we all want so much.
Presence is also something that a huge majority of people actually struggle with.
We’re in such a fast paced society these days with so many demands for our attention and so much messaging that may cause us to worry about the future or ruminate on the past. It's no wonder!
We’ve literally wired our brains to NOT be present!
Think about it, how often are you actually paying attention to what’s right in front of you? Even watching TV or listening to something are you mentally elsewhere? Maybe on your phone numb scrolling?
Think for a second about the thoughts that tend to be rushing and rolling around in your noggin.
Are they in the past? Ruminating on the ‘shoulda, woulda, couldas’. The things you wish you’d said and done, the things you DID say and do that you wish you hadn’t. A lot of us spend time rumbling around in the past.
Are they in the future? Wondering about the ‘what ifs’? Worrying and catastrophising about things that haven’t happened yet?
I feel I'm in a very good place to talk about this as an enneagram 6 because I was always very well practiced doing both of these and not staying in the present moment where I could be conscious and rational.
So I can attest to the fact that it really is something that you can learn.
I don’t win every time for sure. But I find it SO much easier to catch myself not being present and consciously bring it back.
That’s the magic of being present. You’re conscious. You’re in much more control of your own choices and behaviour. You make better decisions.
It improves your relationships with other people.
If you work with clients it helps you get better results.
Creativity lives in presence.
Gratitude and appreciation lives in presence.
It’s usually FAR less stressful in the present moment.
You’re not worrying and overthinking as much when you’re present.
Focus and attention lives in the present.
You listen better when you’re present.
You’re more connected to yourself and others in the present.
You’re able to use a lot of the tools that are going to help you rewire your brain and nervous system when you’re in the present moment.
Sound good?
Thought so.
So what are some of the best ways to go about practicing presence?
Asking good questions and becoming your own best coach is a great place to start.
Journaling is a glorious way to start with learning this skill. And it is a skill.
You can use stream of consciousness journaling to really allow whatevers present to be present. It’s also helpful because it will show you how much your thoughts are spending in the past or the future.
All you do is essentially brain dump whatever pops into your head. It will read like a big jumbled mess of weirdness and that’s perfect.
It will allow you to be present. It will allow you to consciously see some of the things that are going round in your head affecting your day to day. You’ll be able to find your sense of humour for those things and you might even slowly start to notice that those thoughts start to become more present over time.
Try it for 5 days and just see what shifts for you and what you notice.
Next up we have meditation as a super practical way to get more present. Specifically noticing what’s showing up for you. What sensations are you feeling in your body? What thoughts can you notice and let go.
It’s literally about being in the present moment. It WILL take practice but everything does.
Now, there’s a caveat here. Many people find meditation difficult, have a listen to the episode Have you decided you’re no good at meditation for some practical reasons why and what you can do about it.
Heartmath is one of my all time favourites. I’m a licensed heartmath coach so I teach all my clients the various heartmath techniques but it’s an incredible way to get back into your body and into the present moment using simple breathing techniques.
It also wakes up your prefrontal cortex which goes ‘offline’ when you’re in the threat response so you can make far better decisions and regulate your nervous system. It’s quite simply glorious.
Mindfulness is the ultimate in presence.
Mindfulness is a form of meditation and it’s a really practical one.
It’s the ability to be fully present and aware of what’s going on internally and externally…without judgement. It’s simply about what is.
The more you practice it the more you’ll start to notice your mind wandering less.
My favourite activity is a waking up the senses exercise. What do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel, what do you smell, what can you taste.
You can do this anywhere! Walking, consciously taking the time to look up from your desk for a minute. In a meditation.
The more you do it the more you’ll feel and notice the benefits.
Being present allows real appreciation to come through.
When you aren’t present you aren’t going to notice all the little things around you. You’ll miss them.
When you’re present you’re more in tune with other people too. You’re more empathetic because you pick up on the visible and tonal cues.
Try it and start to notice what you notice!
And notice how your thoughts and feelings might start to shift and perhaps become a little clear, or quieter.
Like I say, it is a practice. You won’t win every time. That’s totally ok. Just keep going.
Fx | |||
| 15 Jul 2019 | 078 - Stop Saying I Can't Afford It! | 00:12:49 | |
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Stop saying you can’t afford it
There are two things we need to stop telling ourselves that I see come up time and time again. The ‘I can’t afford it’, and the ‘I don’t have time’ chat.
I’ve talked about this in previous episodes but I wanted to delve a little deeper into this and why it’s so important we stop telling ourselves this.
Firstly, you tell yourself that you can’t afford it or you don’t have time...your brain says OK then and sends you all the evidence for it to be true and none to the contrary.
It’s not going to be searching for any thoughts or ideas to help you solve the issue, it’s just going to agree with what you say. Thats its job.
This then means that it becomes a fact, so why would you ever challenge it?!
But it’s not a fact, at all.
What’s the reality?
The reality is we can always find both time and money...if it’s enough of a priority!
Ok, this isn’t going to be true 100% of the time and there are circumstances of course where it is the reality BUT in the vast MAJORITY of cases this is completely and utterly true. I’ve seen it and done it myself time and time and time again.
It’s a scarcity mindset and using powerful language where you already feel defeated, so where’s that going to get you?!
It’s not going to help you look for solutions or problem solve. So you don’t buy or do the thing you want to. When the reality is there may have been a way for you to.
Switch up the language
Saying I can’t afford it takes away your control and responsibility in the situation.
Understand more often than not it’s not actually the truth at all, but a CHOICE.
Instead of I can’t afford it ask ‘how can I afford it?’
I’ve said these phrases SO many times to myself and when I stopped, reframed and asked myself different questions a whole life of opportunity opened up.
I’m not trapped by that mentality anymore, I just find a way to make it happen. I mean, there have been moments when i’ve looked at something for £30 and told myself I couldn’t afford it or can’t ‘justify’ it right now but then spent £5k on a qualification or a course.
Can you think of an example where that’s true? It’s about perceived value and priorities.
I’ve invested more in myself in the last 6 months than ever before, and i’ve invested heavily in my own development over the last 5 years on things that at first glance I probably can’t afford.
I stopped playing the victim and took control over my own destiny back.
There’s so much guilt and shame associated with not being able to afford something.
There’s so much of being the martyr involved in I don’t have time.
Both have huge negative connotations. A lack of control. But also positive payback.
There’s a whole other episode for me to do on positive payback and secondary gains but for now just start to get really honest with yourself.
What positive payback do you get for saying I can’t afford it or I don’t have time? Do you get sympathy from other people? Do you get to play superwoman?
There’s no judgement here, i’ve done it all!
Once you have that honesty with yourself, you REALLY have that honesty with yourself and you can’t hide from it!
You can’t unlearn it and you CAN start to call yourself out on your own BS, challenge it and also take back that control over your choices and get out of victim mode.
So many of us engage in mindless spending where we don’t even think about it. But what would happen if you were more mindful about what goes where?
Now, i’ve already got you covered with how to find more time in your day with this episode HERE.
So, how can you afford something you told yourself you can’t?
First of all, work out how much of a priority it really is! What does it bring to your life?
What problem or pain would it take away from your life? Is it actually a priority at all, is it something you actually need?
To be SUPER clear, I’m not a financial manager and I can’t give you ‘advice’ over what to do so all I can do is tell you from my own experience how i’ve afforded things I couldn’t technically afford before, then it’s up to you to come up with your own ideas and make the right decision based on your own circumstances ;-)
Sell things you no longer want/use
Marie Kondo the sniz out of your home and anything that doesn’t ‘spark joy’ allow it to give you the joy of pennies by selling it on ebay, facebook marketplace or any other online selling thingy of your choice. (I’ve never used them so can’t speak from experience but gumtree, shpock are another couple to look at!)
When I moved from London to Kent about 6 years ago I made about £2k doing this and inviting friends round to my ‘bedroom shop.’ There may or may not have been wine involved in these events, I couldn’t possibly comment. But they were fun, I got pennies in my pocket and they got a great deal, win win. I do this on the regular, it’s fun plus it takes away some of my ‘It’s still got the tag on’ guilt.
Use the compound effect.
The compound effect is where small things add up to a big thing over time. (that’s the cliff notes for you!) It’s that ripple effect of the choices you make and this can definitely be attributed to finance.
Every month I downloaded my bank and credit card statements, put it all in one spreadsheet and looked for any ‘mindless spending’.
For me this was eating out. YIKES. It’s sobering when you see it all laid out right in front of you how much it adds up to over a month.
If you’re still in your job, think about those coffees or chai lattes you get every morning. Call them £2.50 per day, 5 days per week, that’s £650 in a year.
Say you grab your lunch on the go instead of making it in advance. Call it £8 per day. That’s over £2000 in a year!! You can see how it all adds up.
What if you were putting that in the piggy bank instead...just saying! If it stays in your bank account it will get spent, so put it aside!
Another way to achieve this is to save a percentage of your income into a separate pot, or bank account, that is used specifically for the things you tell yourself you can’t afford.
Over time this will feel like it’s grown effortlessly. (If you’re reading and telling yourself you can’t afford to save any of your income right now, check yourself and ask yourself if it’s really true!) Your expenses tend to grow and shrink in line with your income and what’s in your bank account gets spent. If it’s not there it doesn’t.
Interest free credit cards
Now, I’m going to be suuuuuuuuuuuuper clear here that I do NOT advocate going into debt, this is me purely talking from my own experiences. I would NEVER do this if I was already in debt personally I just use it as a great way of buying something up front that I can pay off over time and not be charged extra for it! I would always make sure I KNOW I can make monthly payments too. This is not a good option if you don’t have that covered.
Put out an offer or flash sale
If you already have a business, already have an audience...what can you sell them? Don’t discount to the point that it looks too good to be true and actually puts people off, or offer it on something other people have paid far more for because that’s going to cause upset from previous clients. What can you think of to sell as a one off that could get some spondoolies in your pocket quickly? Power hour session with you? A course? Get your thinking cap on, you could even ask your audience what they want!
Also, don’t forget to look down the back of the sofa and check your PPI ha!
There are a TONNE of things you can do if you just ask yourself better questions. How CAN I afford this? How COULD I find time?
Be honest with yourself about your priorities. If it’s not a priority that’s cool, no worries! Move on. If it really is you WILL find a way!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
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| 15 Mar 2021 | Kindness Costs Nothing, So Why Is It Hard When We're Triggered? | 00:16:29 | |
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Kindness costs nothing.
Kindness costs nothing, but when emotions are heightened it can sometimes go straight out the window.
I get it!
It’s been a heck of a year and last week was a heck of a week with a lot of divisive opinions online.
It’s as if you can feel the tension rising.
So many people have been holding in emotions for a long time. They are bound to come out somewhere.
I spoke to SO many clients and people last week who just felt heavy.
Weighed down by what was going on.
I felt it too.
There was drama, there was nastiness.
There was an us vs them mentality everywhere I looked.
There were ill thought out opinions, stubbornness, ego reactions left right and centre.
Unless you live under a rock or off grid or choose your media very wisely the first thing that caused a lot of tension was that we had the interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
My goodness did that divide opinion.
It led to some very heated debates but really when you strip it back you had a young couple wanting something simple.
For people to be kind.
For the nastiness, assumptions and negativity to stop.
To have the opportunity to defend themselves against millions of people worldwide who don’t know them!
Whether you think it was a good thing or a bad thing and whatever judgements you make about the way they went about it is of course completely up to you.
But it was certainly a conversation starter around why some people feel the need to be unkind and also why it’s something we fear happening in business that stops people getting visible.
The conversations this week turned to privilege, mental health, racism, women’s safety, sexual harassment and more.
Some big HEAVY stuff!
Things that will have personally touched most of our lives in some way shape or form.
There was anger.
There was hate.
There was upset.
There were debates about right and wrong.
Emotions were running high.
When that happens most people won’t take a second to step back and try to see all sides of the coin.
In amongst ALL of this, I was seeing blaming. Shaming. Name calling. Down right abuse in some cases.
Intentionally trying to bring others down, calling people out with the intention of damaging reputation or businesses and we need to do better.
What’s the point?
What’s another way?
There’s standing up for what’s right and there’s being nasty.
In my opinion two very different intentions and two very different outcomes.
One has the potential to question thoughts and behaviour and potentially make REAL change.
The other is just going to create more ego and escalate the situation and emotions further.
We need to seek to understand each other more.
We’re all up against our own unconscious bias, our upbringing, what we’ve been taught as children what environment we were raised in. What we modelled from our parents. What we were taught is acceptable and what isn’t.
There’s a LOT of unconscious programming driving our behaviour and our protection mechanisms.
We need to get out of reaction mode and think a little more deeply.
Imagine if we all took a minute to step back before we reacted to something. Would we make a different decision over how to handle it?
You see it in the online business world all the time.
People tearing each other down.
Being quick to lash out.
It’s a big reason people sabotage themselves in putting themselves out there in the first place. The fear of nastiness being aimed at them.
So it’s an important conversation to have on both sides I think.
To know when it happens TO you, it’s usually nothing actually about you at all.
It’s more often than not something that has been triggered in the other person.
But also, if you’ve been the one to lash out.
That’s an important conversation to have.
Understanding where that comes from in the hope you may not feel the need to take that route again.
We’re all bouncing off each other's egos ALL the time and reacting unconsciously.
But often the thing we’re REALLY reacting to isn’t the thing that’s in front of us in the moment.
When we’re hurting it’s an easy tendency to want to lash out at someone else.
There can be a lot at play under the surface.
Protecting yourself because of past traumas.
Biting before someone can bite you first!
Reacting from a place of hurt.
Seeking ways to project and vent our anger.
But really, what does it get you?
Does it ever really go well?
Does it ever make you look good in that situation?
I get it.
But it just creates gossip and drama which is no good for anyone.
Especially now, with a year of lockdown. Awful things happening all over the globe. People waking up to these unconscious bias’ that we’ve been living under our whole lives, it’s going to bring up emotion.
There’s going to be multiple opinions.
There’s going to be anger.
There’s going to be triggers.
But we can still be kind to each other even if we don’t agree with each other.
We can be brave and have difficult conversations like adults rather than putting out a derogatory post with negative intentions for the other person in the hope it ‘brings them down a peg or two’ or hurts them. Or wanting to rally other people around to your cause and validate your experience...that may or may not actually be based in truth!
To be clear, kind doesn’t always mean ‘nice’.
You can still stand up for injustice. You can make your opinion clear. But there are SO many ways to do this before the public showdown.
You can be very clear and firm in your stance and your boundaries and approach something with kindness with the hope of changing someone’s opinion. Or helping them see another side. Giving an opportunity to explain their side.
You might not achieve it but at least it’s a positive intention.
It’s nuanced.
We can reach out to the person who’s upset us privately instead of publicly.
We can be curious about why that thing has upset us so much, is it about the person...or is it about us?!
What’s REALLY going on underneath it?
If you want to lash out, what’s the intention behind that really?
If you want to criticise, put up a bad review, publicly call someone out, tear someone else down.
Why?
How would it feel to be on the receiving end?
How would you feel if it happened to your best friend?
Think before you victim shame.
Think before you call someone a liar.
Think before you judge someone for their privilege or what they wear.
Think before you make assumptions.
Think before you let your ego take over.
Think before you write that nasty comment and think about the person on the other end of it.
Pause and BREATHE before you respond.
It really can be that simple. This can be harder to do in person, but behind a screen? We ALL have that pause we can take!
Allow the rational, thinking, conscious part of your brain to come back online so you can make a decision from that place. Not one that’s reacting to or from ego, or assumptions, hurt or triggers.
Question yourself and your reactions!
You often can’t take it back, and words can do immense damage.
Be responsible for your choices over what you consume. We live in an echo chamber, particularly with social media.
When we’re triggered we need to start to notice it before we act.
We need to notice when we’re allowing ourselves to be dragged into drama.
Learn to respond, not react.
Take responsibility and regulate your emotions first.
Understand your fight or flight response has been activated, taking the prefrontal cortex (the CEO, conscious part of the brain) offline so it’s potentially not the best time to write that email!
Start to question why that thing someone said online hurt us, or angered us so much.
Did they REALLY mean it how we took it?
Is there potentially another side to this?
Another option or route to go down?
Let’s live a little bit deeper than the surface level.
With multiple, opposing opinions...who’s actually in the right?
Often we want to share our opinion and rally people around that agree with us. As humans we want to feel like we ‘belong’, we’re social creatures.
It was a heavy week. It was a heavy week being a woman. We don’t need to take that heaviness and misplace it somewhere else and make ourselves feel worse in the long run.
A HUGE number of people have been triggered this last year, particularly this last week. Myself included. But we get to take responsibility for that.
Look at ourselves with curiosity and compassion.
Try to find empathy over anger.
Let’s all just pause. Take a few breaths before we respond. And see how it changes what you want to do and how that changes the outcomes.
#bekind is still a thing...and it’s free!
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| 04 Apr 2022 | How To Overcome Self Rejection | 00:15:19 | |
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How Are You Rejecting Yourself?
How are you currently rejecting yourself on an almost daily basis?
There are SO many ways we reject our very existence as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or not ‘normal’. Half the time is painfully loud. The other half it’s totally unconscious and so ‘normal’ to us that we don’t even think to call ourselves on it or to challenge it.
It’s so rehearsed and familiar to us we believe it’s who we are, and how it will always be.
One of the big ways I see this show up is not looking after yourself. This was a BIG one for me. Patterns of eating badly, not prioritising sleep, not doing the things I know make me feel good, not exercising. I’ve healed this pattern in so many areas and looking after myself is a big priority. It still shows up for me sometimes, my deepest pattern of self rejection is around food.
It can be complex. Because as much as food can be a way to reject yourself, it can also be a learned behaviour around self soothing like it was for me. It can also be due to a lack mindset that you learned in childhood, which it also was for me. It can also be a way of punishing yourself. It can also be worth looking at the ‘identity’ piece of the puzzle around it. It can also be a numbing behaviour. So it can be a tricky one to shift but the key is to notice it’s happening and get curious about what might have caused it to be there in the first place. Our relationship with food is an entire subject in and of itself. So just start to notice your patterns on this one.
Another trap we can fall into around self rejection is being around people who don’t make you feel good. A lot of the time I see this it goes back to school. Being one of the cool kids. Wanting to feel and be accepted. We can take part in behaviours that don’t make us feel good. We can do things we might not do if we were truly with ‘our’ people, who accepted us for exactly who we are. Notice if you’re around people where you think you need to change yourself to fit in or be accepted. Limit your time with these people and increase it with the people who really get you and have your back. Notice how quickly the pattern shifts and you realise how bad for your mental health it was to be around those people. You do not need other people to validate that you’re worth knowing. You are.
It may show up in our numbing behaviours and avoiding or suppressing your feelings. Notice the kinds of things you read and watch. Do they make you feel good or bad?
Not allowing yourself to be supported is a big way to self reject. The idea that if you accept help then it means you’re not good enough. Or that you’re not worthy of the help in the first place.
Not fully going after what you want from a perspective of not being good enough or unworthy.
Focusing on what you don’t have or what you haven’t done rather than what you do have and have achieved. Thus reinforcing your ‘not good enoughs’ and filtering out any and all the evidence to the contrary.
Pointing out your own flaws. What’s the first thing you think when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning? Do you look for your wrinkles? Your scars? Your wobbles? Where is your focus? What is the self talk? We need to learn to flip that switch or we’re forever going to be reinforcing those negative neural pathways.
All the times you say there’s no point trying, you’re self rejecting.
Every time you compare yourself to someone else, you’re self rejecting.
Ignoring your own intuition and not trusting your decisions is self rejecting.
Suppressing and ignoring your feelings and emotions is a HUGE way to reject ourselves.
We are fundamentally rejecting huge parts of ourselves. Our very existence as not good enough.
A lot of self rejection really is the same as self sabotage, it’s absolutely a form of it, but it also differs in that it comes not just from a place of your brain and your nervous system keeping you safe.
Self rejection is about self worth. What you believe you deserve. It’s doing the things that reinforce and allow you to stay in those not good enough feelings. They keep you feeling bad about yourself. Whether it’s physically, mentally or emotionally.
It’s providing yourself the life experiences and evidence that continue to reinforce that negative self talk you bombard yourself with daily.
I used to do this to myself ALL the time. I really struggled to find anything I liked about myself. My behaviour, friends and partners I would choose would all just serve to reinforce it. Amazing how we’re wired to do this to ourselves.
We have to acknowledge how long these thoughts and patterns have been around. How long and how many times we’ve rehearsed them. We learn to self reject as small children.
When there’s a relational rupture in our attachment with our primary caregivers we turn inwards because that’s safer than the opposite, which is to believe that we are a good person in a bad situation. That’s life or death to our nervous system because without our primary caregivers we can’t survive. So we turn not getting our needs met to mean I must be bad, and then carry that into adulthood.
You can have incredible parents and still have this occur. You’ve got grandparents, nursery, school, society, other kids that all contribute to this. It’s not about blame. It’s impossible to meet a child's needs 100% of the time, particularly when they can’t communicate.
So what can we do about it once we’ve recognised it?
The first thing we can do Befriend your emotions. Be curious about them. Learn to sit with them and be ok having them. Understand what they’re trying to communicate to you.
Then learn to regulate your emotions and your nervous system. So many of us are operating from a state of nervous system dysregulation which leads to a lot of our self rejecting behaviours. Learn to crack that and you’ll see HUGE changes.
Analyse what and who makes you feel good and what and who makes you feel bad. Look at your circle. It’s not about just cutting people off but creating that distance can be really important. It’s no good doing it simply because you feel bad and trying to just ignore the feeling.
The consciousness side of it is an opportunity to heal. To be really clear it’s NOT about avoiding your feelings on this one. It’s consciously moving towards people who make you feel good.
When you take the brain's ability to rewire itself through neuroplasticity think about what each circumstance is reinforcing and wiring in for you.
Think about the fact you’re trying to rewire patterns, literally changing your brain…how amazing is that that we can do that!
So simply by being around people that make you feel good about yourself and NOT spending time with the people that don’t, you’re wiring your brain to feel good about yourself.
Start to consciously go against those tendencies towards detrimental behaviour. Slowly! Start small. This is why in my membership The Positive Pants Toolkit, everything is in bite sized pieces and I’m always encouraging people to just start with 5 minutes. Build from there. But just start with committing to 5 minutes of consciously going against those tendencies.
Acknowledge that nothing is ever going to be as quite bad as it is in your head. You are probably, by far, your harshest critic. Therefore, anything anyone else can do or say is probably not going to be as bad as what you’re already saying to yourself.
Start to be honest with yourself about the things you DO like about yourself. If you’re feeling brave, pick a few people that you trust and ask them what they love about you. Write them down and refer back to it frequently! Add to it frequently! I end up blubbering my eyes out every time I revisit this exercise. It’s seriously powerful.
Recognise you might be rejecting yourself before other people reject you. Think to yourself…what if they don’t?
The biggest thing I want you to take away from this is first of all awareness, but second of all that it CAN change. And if you put in the work, it WILL change. I’m living proof of that. Who you are today isn’t who you have to be tomorrow.
Fx
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| 29 Nov 2021 | How To Not Be Afraid To Say 'Not Yet' | 00:13:13 | |
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How to not fear saying ‘not yet’
The fear of saying no or ‘not yet’ to something in case it’s the wrong thing to do or you might miss out is a big one right?
I’m talking about this in a few contexts today for a couple of reasons.
Having just finished up an amazing launch for the very first round of The Mentorship I was thinking about this from two sides of the coin.
So we’re going to talk about those two sides.
The fear of saying no to an ‘opportunity’.
And the fear of saying no to a potential client.
When we’re talking about saying no to an opportunity that might mean several things.
That might mean saying no to doing a course, a programme or a mentor.
It may mean saying no to a speaking gig.
It could mean many things.
But when people are launching something we want we might get that oh so familiar activation in our bodies.
That tension.
That horrible feeling of ‘Oooooh I want this, but it’s not the right time’.
Remember most marketing is meant to make you feel like it’s the last time you will ever get that deal and you could be making a huge mistake unless you buy NOW!
That’s fine when it’s actually truthful.
If it’s not, all it serves to do is play at your fear of missing out.
Your fear of being left behind.
Your fear of missing out on that one piece of information that could change everything for you.
Missing something that could be perfect for you….without giving you any context of if it’s right for you right now based on your unique situation!
It might be right for you, it might be absolutely the perfect thing for you. But are you going to get the most out of it if you do it right now?
Where are you at in your life? With your health? In your business?
There’s a lot to be said for now or never of course. If not now, when?
That’s working with a different set of fears than what we’re talking about and that’s where good old self awareness comes in again.
The more you know yourself and your unconscious programming, the more you will be able to see the truth for yourself.
To be fair...I’m also a big fan of getting a bargain if it has lifetime access even if I know I can’t do it right at that time. Cool. BUT...I know I'm disciplined enough to make sure I do go back to it and it sits on my scary brain dump to do list until I can see it become a priority.
All good.
What I'm talking about here is feeling GOOD making a decision that a programme, a course, a mentor might be a yes for you...but not right now!
This is of course easier to do when you have someone on a zoom or a call helping you figure out if it’s the right thing for you based on the information you give them.
Who could you use as a sounding board if you don’t have that?
Who could that person be for you to help you untangle the conscious thought process with the unconscious programming that might be screaming at you?
It’s ok to say no, no matter how many times you’re marketed to to make you feel otherwise.
You don’t ever have to feel shame, guilt or anything else for something being a no for you right now. If it’s right, it’ll happen.
We spoke to lots of people who will be perfect for The Mentorship, but not right now. They might have too much on their plate, they might need to get something else in place before they can make the most of it, for lots of reasons.
But it felt good helping them make that decision. Some even paid deposits for the next round! So there was no feeling bad either way about it being a no for right now.
We know they’ll be back when they’re ready but we also know they aren’t sitting at the other side clicking the sales page a million times, umming and ahhing over whether to do it. That’s a horrible feeling.
Back at the start of my business I was there MANY times.
I’m actually grateful now for every time I made a wrong investment (of which there were many!), or bought something before I was ready because it helped shape my values when it comes to selling my own services. It helped me spot it in other people too and help me know when it’s not the right time.
We have to not be afraid to potentially miss out on an opportunity sometimes.
Listen to the story that’s underneath you not wanting to say no.
Or not feeling comfortable saying no. Dig into that a little.
The more you do this the less of that tension you’ll feel when you have to make a decision. You’ll know if it’s a yes or a no in your body. You’ll feel it.
But here’s the thing.
Once you DO make the decision, the tension lifts.
We might feel like if we say no we will ALWAYS be sitting in that tension and that feels unbearable. We also think, if we don’t buy the thing we want that can help us move towards or away from something...then we’ll never have what we want.
But you can always ask the questions, ‘when will you be running this again?’
Same thing about opportunities that come your way.
It could be an amazing speaking gig but fall at exactly the wrong time for you. You may have a bazillion other things going on and saying yes to the opportunity might affect how you show up for the things you already committed to.
So much of this is just learning the ability to check in with yourself and what you know is right.
The second side of the coin I want to talk about is not being afraid to say no to a potential client.
This is SUCH an important one. I see so much fear around not taking on a potential client, or even letting an existing one go.
And again, it might be a ‘not yet’ rather than a hard no but you need to meet your people where they’re at.
Be honest and upfront if YOU don’t think it might be the right time for them and have an honest discussion. Make sure you’re both on the same page and everything is out on the table.
This is why it’s important to not get hung up on metrics, or chasing other people’s goals as much as you can because when you do you’ll make decisions that might not be right for you OR the client.
Why is that an issue?
If you have a client in your programme that’s not ready yet for whatever reason...they aren’t going to get the results or have the experience you could have given them if they were.
Simple as that.
It will feel like you’ll be dragging them through it.
The reality is not everyone is ready or able to do the work required at the time you launch your stuff!
That’s ok.
If you’re running a group programme and you let that person who should be a ‘not yet’ in it will affect the dynamic of the group.
It’s not a reflection on you or your service.
It’s like relationships right? Better to not be in one than be in the wrong one!
So if you haven’t listened to the recent episode on spidey senses, have a listen because they won’t steer you wrong. You know in your gut when something is right or not, so listen to it.
And just remember...It’s ok to say no.
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| 18 Apr 2022 | How To Support Someone With Anxiety | 00:15:58 | |
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How To Help Someone With Anxiety
How can you help and support someone in your life who is dealing with anxiety is a question that came up recently from a lovely listener.
It’s something that comes up a lot actually, particularly over the last couple of years.
Firstly it’s worth saying, there is no one size fits all approach to this. As with anything. We can’t generalise out one individual's needs so a lot of this will be about patience and seeing what helps the individual in your life.
However, there are some battle tried and tested things that can absolutely help you down that path to discovering what that looks like for them and you.
For context, because I think it’s important, I struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I was a total catastophiser. I was paranoid. I was always living in the past or the future, never present. I over-thought everything, worried about everything and struggled to relax.
It’s not easy. Many people feel like they need to hide it too which can make it worse. You can very easily feel like your emotions and feelings are inconvenient to other people.
But the fact you’re listening to this and it was requested suggests to me that you’re genuinely looking to support people which is amazing.
So this episode is coming from a combination of my studies and qualifications but also very much from my lived experience.
So there are a few things you can do to help support someone in your life who is dealing with anxiety.
Firstly, and potentially most importantly, validate their experience. Validation looks like ‘I'm sorry you’re dealing with this it sounds tough’ or ‘It makes sense why you might feel this way’ or ‘thank you for sharing this with me.’ Reflect back what they’re saying to you and help them feel heard and understood.
Don’t tell them to ‘calm down’. Don’t tell them to ‘pull themselves together’ or to ‘get over it’ or ‘just think positive’ or telling them that other people have it worse. These are hugely invalidating and ignoring the fact that anxiety is a biological and physiological response to perceived threat. It’s the body’s alarm system.
Speaking of which, another thing you can do is really understand anxiety yourself. Understand what is going on for that person. The more you’re educated on the response itself the more you’re able to help purely from that state. It means you won’t panic and think ‘I don’t understand why this is happening’ or get anxious yourself about doing the ‘right’ thing.
This is a huge part of what I teach in my SOS! Success over stress programme. The combination of the psychoeducation piece of the puzzle and having the tools to make change is so so important in both helping ourselves and other people. And understanding ourselves and other people and our behaviour.
Share what you read or heard with them that helped YOU or YOU found interesting. There’s a BIG difference between sharing something from a place of YOU need this because YOU have a problem and ‘I wanted to share this because it made so much sense, I found it super helpful.’ This could be a book, a movie, an article, a video, a podcast. Share from a space of ‘i’m doing this and it’s so good i’m sharing it’. It gives them choice and agency back. None of this can be forced.
Don’t put pressure on them to change or act as if having anxiety is ‘wrong’ or ‘inconvenient’. This is a big one. When it comes to anxiety we’re working with the nervous system. We’re talking about rewiring neural pathways. That takes time. Celebrate the little wins. Help reflect even the smallest of changes back in a positive way.
Encourage communication. So many of us were taught as children to suppress our emotions. Many of us were taught to not talk about feelings because it’s weak, or we ‘shouldn’t feel a certain way and we should just be happy all the time. The reality is that if you do that they will get louder and come out in other ways, like anxiety for example. The more communication is encouraged the more things can be worked through in real time, but the caveat is doing what you can do to make that communication feel ‘safe’ for the other person. Don’t try to force it. Let them know you’re there if and when they want to talk, and model open communication yourself. Lead by example. Let them know you’re there to support them.
Listen. I can’t express how important this one is. Actually listen and be present with them.
Ask for consent before giving advice. That looks like simply asking them, ‘Would you like me to offer advice here or just listen?’
Help them decode their own anxiety and bring conscious awareness to it. Where do they feel it in their body? What helps them feel better? When we do this from a space of compassion, wanting to understand from a place of curiosity instead of judgement it opens the door to more awareness which is the first major key to change.
Ask for what they need most right now at this moment. Many of us, again as children, were taught to abandon our own needs. So this can take some time. But simply asking what they need at that moment can be huge. It might be space, it might be a hug, it might be to just be listened to or zone out for a minute. Letting them know it’s ok (obviously as long as it’s not something that’s going to harm them in any way) and that you’ll be there when they’re ready.
Don’t try to suppress their emotions. Let them know it’s ok for them to be there and that you’re there with them.
Another HUGE tip is to learn to manage your own emotions. Again this is covered in SOS! Success Over Stress so if you do want the details drop me a message on Instagram @imfranexcell. Managing your own emotions and being able to model a calm nervous system when someone is struggling with anxiety is a game changer. They literally get to borrow your nervous system through co regulation.
Equip yourself with a few tools that can help. This could be certain breathing patterns, exercises for vagal toning, somatic tools using movement. There are SO many tools, many of which are inside my Positive Pants Toolkit app and membership. It’s finding the ones that feel good to you that you can share without pressure. That might be breathing, it might be encouraging them to come to a yoga or exercise class with you or it could be suggesting going for a walk. You might become gratitude buddies where instead of writing in a journal you send them 3 things you’re grateful for and they send it back. It’s often the most simple tools that can have the biggest effect. The trick is understanding how and why they work because it gives you so much more motivation to try them and stick to them.
Finally for today, encourage them to talk to someone qualified and help them understand there’s absolutely no shame in that.
This is by no means exhaustive but they’re some of the things that hugely helped me and I see help my clients all the time.
I really hope this has been helpful to someone.
Fx | |||
| 03 May 2021 | So, How Do You Heal? | 00:19:44 | |
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So How Do You Heal?
How did you heal yourself was a question I had from a lovely listener. It’s not a quick and easy question to be fair but i’ll do my best ha!
I’ll probably give more of a focus on what I did wrong so you can learn from my mistakes and not have to do it the hard way like I did.
I suppose the journey started back in 2014 when things got really bad.
I don’t talk about this too much in public because it’s not just my story and I don’t think it’s fair so i’ll give you the cliff notes.
Essentially, LOTS of things went very wrong in a short space of time.
We lost our business, my husband had a pub/restaurant, lost our home and had to move in with my mother in law.
Then I flipped and rolled my car into a ditch.
Then I had knee surgery which didn’t go well so I was always in pain and pretty immobile.
I had been working with my husband in the business (he was my fiancee at the time) and then I'd gone back to my media job to do a maternity contract part time too so was commuting into London.
I decided I couldn’t do the 2.5 hour each way commute so I didn’t extend the contract and took a local job.
Things had been really difficult so I wasn’t in the best place mentally.
Then I got sacked after 3 weeks in this job...for being too negative. Whoops!
My ego, self esteem and hope were pretty much on the floor at this point.
On the same day I got sacked I went to the doctors about my pain in my knees and came out with antidepressants.
THEN I went home and basically stared at them, day drinking by myself, and wondered what had happened.
There’s a LOT lot more to each of the threads of this story but you get the gist.
It wasn’t quite the plan I had in mind for life at this point.
I felt like I'd given up on myself.
But it ended up being a major catalyst for change, and all of this is what got me here, so I can’t complain really!
Now, you’d think the story started here but the truth is that all of these things weren’t simply a ‘cause’ to how I was feeling.
They essentially amplified who I already was.
Not who I was at my core. We need to be clear about that. That’s what this work does, strip those layers of the onion that have been built up over time by your traumas, experiences and the judgements you make on yourself and other people about how and who you ‘should’ be.
This work gets you BACK to who you really are.
So it amplified this high functioning anxiety that I’d had my whole life. I remember it starting around age 11.
I was paranoid. Didn’t trust the world or other people, or myself.
I always thought people were out to hurt me.
I catastrophised EVERY little detail I possibly could.
I had incredibly low self worth, particularly around the way I looked.
My confidence was super low so I would drink for confidence and get myself in a pickle and not make the best decisions with boys.
I didn’t trust friends to not abandon me and would often wonder why they were friends with me in the first place.
I had so many protection mechanisms built around fear but I actually had no idea this was ruling my life.
A lot of this was masked because I was confident and high achieving in my career. But I didn’t really have any self awareness. I’d lie to myself on a daily basis.
So as much as I have the big traumatic year that led to me finally doing the work to heal. This unconscious programming had been dominating my life for as long as I could remember. And knowing what I know now, made the big traumatic stuff so much worse.
It all makes perfect sense to me now, but I really just felt like a victim of the world at the time.
So, there were lots of things I did ‘WRONG’ in my healing journey, which everybody does at the start because there’s certain knowledge about how we work as humans that you just won’t have, until you seek it.
So it took me a really long time.
And I beat myself up for that.
A lot.
I blamed myself, shamed myself. I had zero patience.
I either suppressed my emotions or they were wild and unruly. I had a complete lack of control.
Life felt like constant chaos. It felt like it was one thing after another after another.
One step forward, 3 steps back. I know WHY this happens now.
I held on to my victim mentality and didn’t take responsibility for my part in where I was.
All of this sounds super negative but without knowing a lot of the stuff I teach, how would you know another way to be?
Particularly when all the unconscious programming and beliefs that are driving your emotions and your behaviour are negative, without knowing how to be conscious, or even that you have to be, how would you NOT just reinforce that loop?
If you’re trying to make changes or heal some old wounds the biggest thing I want you to know is that you make sense. You’re not broken and you don’t need fixing.
You’re just missing some key information.
I was trying to go from zero to ‘fixed’ in 60 seconds flat. I wanted instant gratification.
It doesn’t work like that.
I sought out ‘quick fixes’ and fake promises because I was being led by instant gratification.
I felt like I was trying everything but nothing was working, which just triggered my shame and self judgement more.
It wasn’t until I decided I would strip it back. Instead of just absorbing information and not really knowing how to DO anything with it I decided I was going to just start small and find one thing every day that I could hold in my mind for that day.
So that’s what I did. One thing per day. So i’d find a question or a quote or something inspirational that I would kind of run my thoughts through as a filter for the day.
Then I started noticing the sorts of things that were working for me.
So it started with curiosity.
This is where my prompts for the Positive Pants Planner, my journaling for the non dear diary technique, came from.
I had no idea why they were working at the time.
I didn’t know most of them were positive psychology interventions.
I didn’t know about neuroplasticity, or trauma, or attachment theory or anything along those lines.
The things I did then I still do today because this is a journey without an official destination.
There isn’t a day where you think ‘oh yeay, i’m all fixed’ and totally enlightened.
You need to accept that you’re a human and human emotions are a very natural thing.
There is always another layer to uncover. Some in areas you never knew there was an issue!
The areas I'm working on at the moment are around eating and intimacy.
So I’m going through the same processes in those areas that I did with the others.
But the biggest difference is, there’s no shame, no judgement, I see it as a GOOD thing because there’s growth happening. I know exactly how to navigate it and it doesn’t feel like a negative thing at all.
I get excited when I find a negative pattern. I honestly do. Yes it may not be fun them being there, the work may not be pretty but I know how worth it it is, because I know what’s on the other side.
Healing is not linear.
But it also doesn’t need to take you as long as it did me. It doesn’t need to cost you as much as it did me!
I would jump from training to training, course to course but not really implement anything along the way. I’ve invested well over six figures into my own development.
Some have been better investments than others.
I would say that finding that person who you feel will really understand and ‘get’ you to help you on this journey is a MUCH quicker way to get you to where you want to be.
I kept trying to do it on my own, the biggest shifts came when I asked for help.
Asked for help, but also allowed myself to accept it. That’s a big distinction to make.
The more I did the things I felt the most resistant to, that felt hard, the more results I got.
Learning to regulate my own emotions probably took me the most time, because I didn’t understand I needed to or could. So that wouldn’t have come with a quick and easy google search. I’ll do an episode on why that’s so important for you next week.
I just didn’t have the information I needed to make lasting change, and didn’t know where to find it.
The biggest ‘mistake’ I think I made was not asking for help and blaming and shaming myself for things that were just not my fault.
That made perfect sense too!
The more you can understand how we tick as humans the better.
It’s a huge reason I launched my SOS! Success Over Stress course.
It’s the information we all should have been given in school.
The information that helps us learn how to be human in the most efficient way.
Why we may feel the things we feel and do the things we do without blaming or shaming ourselves. Without beating ourselves up.
That’s honestly half the battle. The stuff we internalise in the process can make it feel so much harder than it needs to.
Also not giving up too soon. Don’t jump from modality to modality and not allow any of it the time and consistency it takes to work.
Patience, commitment, consistency, curiosity, self compassion, communication and trust.
That’s what it takes.
And you’re more than capable!
Fx
| |||
| 09 Jul 2018 | 026 - How Gratitude Can Change Your Life | 00:13:43 | |
How Gratitude Can Change Your Life.Gratitude is one of my favourite subjects and something i really do credit with turning my mindset and my life around 4 years ago. It has however, become a bit of a buzz word recently and something that is being now deemed to be a bit ‘fluffy’. So I want to talk to you about all the reasons you need to stand up, pay attention and flex that gratitude muscle if you want to change your life because gratitude is anything but fluffy. Once you know and can understand that it’s not a fluffy subject and is backed by countless studies, research and neuroscience the more likely you are to make it a regular practice.
Are You A Negative Nelly?If you’re prone to focusing a little too much on the negatives (ok, ok…let’s be honest a lot too much on the negatives! then you need to have a gratitude practice in your life if you want that to change. It is a direct challenge to your negative thought patterns and the quickest way to flip it all around in my opinion. When you’re grateful about what you’ve got you’re not focusing on all the things you don’t have. You’re not stuck in fear or anxiety. You’re SO much happier. You sleep better. You’re healthier. You even take more action thanks to the lovely Dopamine hits that your brain rewards you with. It makes stressful situations less so and increases your resilience. It allows you to recover MUCH more quickly from things that go wrong. It even makes you a nicer person!! People that practice regular gratitude are found to have more empathy, are kinder and more supportive of others.
You’re Training Your BrainIn a famous study by Robert Emmons it was found that gratitude allows you to ‘train’ your prefrontal cortex (memory and emotion) to keep hold of the positive memories and let go or reject the more negative ones.I mean…worth putting some effort into this right? It’s what’s known in Positive Psychology as an ‘intervention’. When you’re struggling with negative emotions simply take the time to think about what and who you’re grateful for and you can get yourself right back on track. It’s often described as the antidote to fear and anxiety which is something that can rear its ugly head a lot when you’re trying to make a big change or achieve anything big like pushing your business forward or pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. It’s like a little magic potion and I want people to understand how powerful it is so they can stop rolling their eyes and thinking it’s fluffy and actually start doing the work rather than staying stuck where they’re at.
Flex Those MusclesPlus…its effects are long lasting. The more you flex your gratitude muscle the more natural it comes to you. The more you work it the stronger it gets. You train your brain to think in that way through a process called neuroplasticity where you’re literally creating new neural connections. Over time it becomes how you look at everything in your life.
Anyone Can Do ItSome of the happiest people in the world are from some of the poorest places, they have absolutely nothing but they are SO grateful for what they do have, they’re just happy to be alive. So it really is something that anyone can find, whatever the situation. The brain rewards gratitude. It activates the brain’s reward centre leading you to seek more of the same. It’s releases both Dopamine and Serotonin which are all about making you feel good. The more you’re rewarded for it, the more you’ll do it, then the more reward you’ll get again! Whoohoo! If you’re predisposed to be a bit of a negative Nelly which can really get in your way when you want to achieve big things (in the form of self doubt, seeing all the reasons things ‘can’t’ or ‘won’t’ work, you know…all the usual mindset gremlins!) and change your life for the better then this is the simplest and easiest way to achieve that. Gratitude has positive physical, health, social, emotional and physiological benefits and it’s so bloomin easy to do!! Here’s a few ways to get a little gratitude into your life.
Write Down 3 Things You’re Grateful For Every Day.Simple as that. Studies show that in as little as two weeks you will feel a major difference in your own well being and in time all the other amazing benefits I’ve mentioned will find their way into your life. Front and centre. If you want a double whammy boost do it as the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night. Helloooo restful sleep! It also means that you’ll never get out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning! The more you start to find these things to be grateful for the more your brain will actively look for them…and the more you’ll see. That’s a great little thought loop to be in! The more you do it the more your brain will get rewired to have Gratitude as your path of least resistance, your go to emotion even when things get tough.
Keep A List And Keep Adding, And Adding, And Adding…Keep a rolling list somewhere you can get to it when you’re out and about. If you’re a paper person keep a little notebook and pen in your bag, if you’re more digital make a note in your phone. Easy peasy!
Write Gratitude Letters.Gratitude letters are amazing! So many times we keep all our grateful thoughts to ourselves. If you spend time writing to someone who you’re truly grateful for it will make you feel amazing, you will feel all the Dopamine rushing in and will really allow yourself to feel grateful. You don’t even have to send it…but if you do…hold tight for all the warm and fuzzies coming your way and that you’re giving to the person you send it to. You can even simply send a text to the people you appreciate and tell them why. They’ll feel amazing too. Bonus!
Get A Gratitude Buddy.If you want a little accountability while you’re creating your regular practice then rope in a buddy. Every morning and/or evening send them your 3 things you’re grateful for, and they send you theirs. It’s such a lovely way to do it because you have the accountability, you also get to get involved in their gratitude too and the likelihood is that you’ll remind each other of even MORE things you’re grateful for.
VisualiseClose your eyes (after you’ve read this!) Think of someone or something you’re grateful for. Really bring it to mind and feel the gratitude towards them, say thank you to that person or thing and open your eyes. That simple. 30 seconds of your time and a lovely little boost of Dopamine and Serotonin in your day, lovely stuff!
Go Public.In my group everyone’s favourite day is thankful Thursday. It’s become peoples regular gratitude practice and everyone always feels amazing after posting their three things on a Thursday morning. It really is that simple. Not only do they love posting theirs but they love reading everyone else’s, it can be a powerful thing to declare what you’re grateful for publicly. Thursdays are my favourite too 🙂
Do You Want This?To summarise, if you want things in your business and your life to be more positive, feel easier, you want to feel less resistance, be able to bounce back quicker, be a better person, be happier, sleep better, be healthier, less anxious…this list could go on for a while! If you want that for yourself, and for everyone around you then give it a go. IT’s so so simple there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for so if you struggle to begin with, start small. You’ll soon see it spiral. If you know you’re ready for things to change and you want my eyes on your problem I invite you to book in a free 30 minute call (link below) with me to see where you’re at, where you want to go and how we get you there! You don’t need to be where you’re at anymore and it doesn’t need to be your story. Fx For more information on this topic head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/gratitude/ Book in a FREE 30 minute discovery call with me: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Gratitude List printable: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/589814177/printable-gratitude-list?ref=shop_home_active_8 | |||
| 11 Jan 2021 | What ‘Rules’ Are Holding You Back? | 00:17:52 | |
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What ‘Rules’ are holding you back?
What rules do you have for yourself that are holding you back?
At this time of year it’s really easy to get sucked into doing things you ‘should’ be doing (think resolutions, all the goals, stop drinking, eat healthy etc) or ‘shouldn’t’ be just because the date has changed.
So with this episode I just want to help you to become more aware of these rules.
What if this year we focus less on the ‘have tos’ and focus more on how and who we want to be.
The rule book has changed.
2020 was a shocker for many. 2021 we’re still in the same place right now.
So why would we add extra pressure in a time where even the most resilient of us are starting to buckle?
Live this year with consciousness.
What do you want to feel?
Rules are the things we blindly follow in life because there will be consequences if we don’t. So there’s the usual life rules, often with legalities attached that make sense or come from authority! Those aren’t the rules I'm talking about here.
I’m talking about the internal ‘rules’ that we take on from parents, friends, society, our experiences when we’re young and the ones we just create for ourselves in our own noggins!
The things where we make up stories.
‘If I do this then that happens’. Or ‘If I don’t do this then that happens, or won’t happen’.
A pretty common one as an example, is this idea that you have to hustle and work hard to be successful.
But the thing is, there are so many nuances just to that statement alone!
What even is hustling? How hard? What even is success? What measures either?
They are unconscious (usually unreasonably high!) standards that we set for ourselves. And often, other people.
I do really have to watch myself with this and be super conscious because I like rules. I like order. I like control and setting rules for ourselves is a way that we can achieve that.
It’s something that creates a sense of safety for me.
My Dad was a teacher and housemaster and my Mum worked in schools too so rules were part of my make up.
Rules can be a good thing IF we allow ourselves to challenge them and be curious about whether they are true and whether they work for us or not.
For example one of my rules now is I don’t have to do things like everyone else to be successful.
So you can see how that could be a good rule to have.
It gives me a lot of freedom.
It allows me to act with curiosity and find the best route forward for me, in line with my values.
It allows me to be on clubhouse and not get sucked in or worry about being left behind.
It’s still a framework that I have for myself, but MUCH more helpful than.
‘I have to do X, Y and Z in my business’ because some guru told me it worked for them and was the ONLY way to run a business.
But, without that consciousness and curiosity, these rules stop us living consciously, meaning our choice is taken away and we blindly follow.
They stop us from seeing the truth.
They stop us seeing a potential way forward.
They stop us seeing simple ways to be happier and live how we really want to.
They limit us and give us a reason to beat ourselves up.
My husband is actually incredible at challenging these for me when they come up.
It’s infuriating at the time yes, BUT, always helps me see a blind spot that can move me forwards.
He’s not always right, I might add. Sometimes I actually like the rule and I'll keep it and set some boundaries.
But instead of thinking he’s being a pain in the butt and nitpicking and wanting me to do things ‘his way’ (which are HIS rules, by the way!) It helps me with the curiosity piece of the puzzle, the challenge the rule piece of the puzzle. Does it help or hinder?
Our partners can be our biggest mirrors and triggers and that can be really helpful if we let it!
So here’s a few rules you might have to help you start to identify and challenge them for yourself.
Goals must be set in January Why? Yes it makes sense, I love goals. But this one suggests that if you don’t start in January you have to wait until NEXT YEAR to do anything. Which is bonkers. It’s also one of the reasons that my gratitude journal (available on Amazon now!) is dateless and The Positive Pants Planner will be too. You can decide on any day of the week, month, year to make changes. This is NOT your rule. It’s society.
The hours you work When I went full time in my business I noticed this rule. You start at 9 and finish at 9.30. Why? What if you worked out what actually works for you and your life?
I have to work Monday to friday Again, who said?!
If I’m not on the latest platform i’ll be left behind Where is the evidence against that? If you’re spending 8 hours a day on clubhouse just because other people are...is that really going to move you forwards?
Who I know/are friends with validates me I get this one. It’s the bullied child in us that thinks if we can just get accepted by the cool kid then everything will be ok. It’s not true. If it’s not a genuine connection it will feel empty. Focus on REAL connection and support and you’ll get there and feel a lot happier along the way.
I have to make 6 figures before I can feel successful Who...flippin...said! It’s simply not true. Your bank account/income is not what validates you as a person. You choose what makes you feel like a good person. What makes you feel ‘worthy’. It’s got nothing to do with how much you earn!
I have to get 10k followers before I can feel successful Same thing with your numbers of followers. Your followers are also not what validates you as a person. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It doesn’t make you a better person.
I can’t make mistakes or fail My darling if this were true no one would ever get anywhere. Failing and making mistakes is a HUGE part of success and growth!
It’s too late to start (too young, too old) It is NEVER too late. You’re never too old or too young to start anything. If it’s calling you it’s meant for you.
I can’t change your mind when i’ve already done so much work. You can ALWAYS change your mind! It hasn’t been a waste of time to get there even if you realise it’s not what you want. You needed all the lessons along the way!
It’s how I’ve always done it. Does that necessarily mean it’s the best way to do it?
I have to do things the way the ‘gurus’ say, even if they don’t feel right. No. No you don’t. Follow people you trust and feel are authentic because they will always tell you the good, the bad and the ugly and encourage you to do things your way. If anyone tells you their way is the only way and without it you’ll fail...run!
You have to wait for things to be perfect before you press go Just no. Do the thing.
You can’t have a job and a business I’d love to know who came up with this one. The idea that if you have a job that ‘means’ your business is successful. I kept my job for years because I wanted to and it made sense for my life and my circumstances. I also know people who still had a job AND a 7 figure business. If you want to keep your job, keep your job!!
Anything you’re telling yourself you ‘should’ do
Someone else’s version of success has to be mine (cars, handbags, luxury etc) You are the only person that can define what success means to you. It’s about how YOU want to live your life and what’s important to YOU!No one else gets to tell you what that is.
I should be married by X age, have kids by X age, own a house by X age This is crazy talk. Who is dictating these rules?
The first key is to notice these rules.
Notice where you’re telling yourself what you can or can do/say/think/be/have.
Where have you set a rule around this?
Is it true?
What if you didn’t have it?
Where did it come from?
What did your parents or primary care givers teach you growing up?
What rules do you have around success, money, relationships, what you can or can’t should or shouldn’t do.
What did you hear, see, model that has shaped how you do things today?
Ask yourself. Why do I think this? Where does this come from? Do I see anyone doing it differently and being where I want to be?
What if you broke your rule? Ooooooh!
Where are you following an out of date rule that wasn’t yours in the first place? Or doesn’t fit for the person you are now?
None of this stuff has any real meaning except the meaning that you give it. So what’s true for you?
Really what I would love is to help you be more conscious of these. What if the focus for 2021 instead of all the pressure, the need to DO and ACHIEVE we focused more on really getting to know ourselves.
Really understanding why we do the things that we do...or don’t do!
Let’s be a little more gentle with ourselves this year and know that we can do that and STILL achieve great things.
Fx | |||
| 12 Mar 2018 | 009 - Journaling Basics - 6 FAQs | 00:16:22 | |
6 Most Frequently Asked Questions About JournalingNow, Journaling is my ‘Jam’…it’s what I credit with completely turning my life around when I was in my own little pit of negativity behaving like Eeyore on a bad day. It helped me find my positive pants, pull em up and start actually living my life again! In fact, it got me LIVING life more than I had EVER lived life before. I was braver, I was happier, I was more positive. I essentially built a new foundation with my mindset and thought processes that I could move forwards from with confidence, motivation and drive instead of staying stuck exactly where I was. I’m very honest about my previous ‘mindset pickle’ and how Journaling was one of the key tools that got me out of it so I get a lot of questions on the topic. I thought I would answer a few of the most common ones right here for your reading pleasure! WHAT IS JOURNALING?There are SO many different ways to Journal but essentially what Journaling actually is at it’s core is a written (or recorded- audio/video!) record of your thoughts, feelings and daily experiences. It can help you make sense of your world and what’s going on in it and hugely increase your self awareness, which is one of the major keys to changing any behaviour. It’s also a great way of getting what’s inside of you…outside of you! Which can make huge shifts in your mindset. It also allows you to shift your focus and reflect. It’s a personal development tool that anyone can use…whether you like writing or not! It’s using whichever method is right for you (most people use a journal, either a blank notebook or pre-made journal with prompts) and it helps with ALL sorts of things like productivity, organisation, confidence, positivity, anything really! HOW LONG AM I SUPPOSED TO JOURNAL FOR?You’re either going to love or HATE this answer. The reality is….as long as you want! You want it to be a habit that you stick to. I personally Journal for 5 minutes per day….that’s it…5 minutes! I’ve had life changing results from that! Some people Journal for hours. It’s all about your style, what you will actually enjoy and stick to and what you want to get out of it. I mainly Journal for positivity and to enable reflection which is something I find really important for me and my continuing mindset jiggery pokery! BUT it really can be done in 5 minutes per day, and then I spend a little longer on reflection at the end of every month and reflect over and re live all the amazing things that happened that month. 🙂 It really is completely up to you…no right or wrong! WHY CAN’T I STICK TO IT?This is one that comes up time and time again. The bottom line is people don’t appreciate that they need to form a new habit to be able to stick to Journaling, just like you do for going to the gym. Forming a new habit takes TIME and EFFORT and it’s being aware of the process, and aware that it will feel like effort until it becomes just what you do! You need to make it as easy on yourself as you can until that habit is formed and locked in (expect it to take a bout a month to become second nature). Think about some of these to make it easier on you: Will you do it first thing in the morning? Last thing at night? Both? Where would be the best place to keep your journal so it’s always there at those times? To get the most out of Journaling you need to make sure you’re invested in it. If you’re not, you simply won’t do it. Ask yourself WHY are you doing it? WHAT do you want to get out of it? Connect to that and it will make it a whole lot easier. You need to ENJOY it. It needs to be something that is a GOOD thing in your day rather than a chore that is just an added item on your to do list. FIND OUT MORE... To find out what other 3 questions I am asked most frequently about journaling and to read the answers click here. | |||
| 12 Oct 2020 | How Do You Self Sabotage? | 00:15:25 | |
How do YOU sabotage yourself?Show note links:
Before I dive into today's content I wanted to remind you that my friend Lisa Johnsons’ Race To recurring revenue challenge is kicking off today (12-15 Oct 2020) so there’s still time for you to get involved. You can sign up HERE to learn how you can create passive income in your business. Whether you're an established business or complete newbie!
I know lots of you are in the facebook group already and it’s going to be lots of fun….and there are prizes involved!
I really do believe that just having the knowledge and understanding of what’s possible, what’s outside the box that could give you everything you want in life, is a game changer. So please do give yourself this.
I know lots of you will have some gremlins going on around why you may not want to get involved but just having the knowledge, even if you decide to do nothing with it, is so worth it.
If you do then perhaps this episode will help you know if you're not going for this, or some other opportunity because of self sabotage or a genuine 'it's just not for me'. There's a big difference.
So, into the content!
Are you actually aware of how you sabotage yourself?
We all have behaviours that we’re probably painfully aware of when it comes to self sabotage.
The ways that we get in our own way. Or the behaviours we perform to directly sabotage getting the things that we want. Or doing the things we know are good for us.
Some can be really obvious. Others not so much.
Some we absolutely recognise as self sabotage. Others not so much!
There’s two main keys to overcoming self sabotage.
There’s HOW you’re self sabotaging. And there’s WHY you’re self sabotaging.
Once you have those two pieces of the puzzle the rest is FAR easier to work on.
You can’t work on what you’re not aware of right?
So how do we start to identify the ways you self sabotage and what do we do about it?
It’s a complex subject with a lot involved and is really personal and individual to each person.
It’s based on strategies that we learned in the past, usually in early childhood, that WILL have served us at one point.
But it’s then encoded into our nervous systems and into our unconscious so that we repeat the same patterns that they believe saved us from a life or death situation in the past.
Along with any unconscious beliefs, traumas, experiences that may have been added to the mix.
So you can see, it’s complex.
But it IS something that we can do something about.
We will always find ways to sabotage things, it’s how we’re wired. But we can make that sabotage conscious so we get the power of choice back.
It’s not something that we try to ‘get rid of’, or make ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ which is a natural thing to try and do, it’s something we learn to work with so it’s not constantly working against us. And it’s something we learn to recognise and make conscious so we get the power back to make a different choice.
Self sabotage can affect every part of our lives. Mine 100% included. No one is immune to self sabotage, even if they like to think they are!
Your health, relationships, business, careers, friendships, everything!
It’s something I’m fascinated by and passionate about helping with because it doesn’t have to be so difficult.
Some of the elements that cause self sabotage can be unconscious, some more conscious.
Here are a few common ways we might self sabotage;
Procrastination.
Overwhelming yourself yet still adding more to your to do list.
Numbing with food, alcohol, substances, even shopping! Yep...even shopping!
Being late all the time.
Not saying no.
Not taking opportunities you know could move you forwards. Like going to an event, joining a challenge, not responding to a potential client.
Doing something you know will have negative consequences for you, or someone else.
NOT doing something you know is good for you.
Breaking promises.
Needing everything to be perfect.
Comparing yourself to other people.
Expecting yourself to do something, but not putting any time or energy towards it, but still expecting it to be done.
You put ‘reasons’ and ‘excuses’ on other people or circumstances for why something isn’t done.
Ignore the signs telling you you need a break.
Netflix binging until 2am so you’re too tired to work effectively the next day.
Overcomplicating things.
Not sticking to a routine and ‘wing it’.
Not understanding your finances.
Overworking.
Not taking responsibility and blaming others.
Telling yourself ‘I can’t’.
Telling yourself ‘I don’t have time’.
Telling yourself ‘It’s not the right time’.
Telling yourself ‘I should/have to/must’.
I’m sure some of these are familiar.
All of these things serve to reinforce something in some way.
Whether it’s an unconscious belief or
For example, you might sabotage a relationship to unconsciously reinforce your belief that you aren’t good enough.
Same with your business, you might not take an opportunity for something that will move you forwards because of an underlying belief that you aren’t good enough and won’t be successful. Or that, if you DO become successful that means you could lose friends and family.
So you can see how the behaviour of not doing the thing to move you forwards keeps you safe and protects you from your unconscious truth (as it stands before you work on it) that when you’re successful you’ll lose everyone you love.
So your unconscious works against what you consciously want.
As I mentioned, the behaviour could have helped you at some stage in your life as a coping or protection mechanism.
It just doesn’t serve you NOW!
So your autonomic nervous system gets involved too.
Your autonomic nervous system is responsible for the fight, flight, free or fawn response.
Fight is attack mode, which could show up as chronic stress. It could show up as aggression towards competitors, it could be that you cause conflict in your relationships.
Flight is running away, which could show up as avoidance or not taking an opportunity. It could be isolating yourself or making yourself ‘busy being busy’ but avoiding the hard tasks. Or potentially constantly changing your offerings or business and never giving it a real chance to thrive.
Freeze is literally that, this shows up as doing nothing. Where you feel an inability to make a choice to move forwards.
Fawn is the response that not so many people talk about which tends to show up as people pleasing. Putting others first.
I’ll go into depth on these more in future episodes but I thought it was helpful for context when talking about self sabotage because you will be able to categorise some of the behaviours you recognise into these responses and bring them into the conscious and see how they may be holding you back.
As with everything I teach, awareness is the first key to change. Becoming aware of your thoughts and responses.
Recognising what you feel physiologically, where do you feel it in your body? What happens?
Learning how to regulate your nervous system plays an important part.
The free stressed to success meditation I made for you guys does just that.
It activates the parasympathetic nervous system and allows you to get on with your day. So getting out of the hyper aroused state of stress and overwhelm to bring in more balance. Don’t forget to download yours below.
Essentially it’s all trying to work for your highest positive intention of keeping you safe.
So the more you can learn to create that safety for yourself the easier these things are to overcome.
But it starts with recognising them.
Understanding where it may have served you in the past.
Can you remember a time when your particular way of self sabotaging was helpful?
Can you remember something that happened that was in any way traumatic as a child that this particular behaviour could have stopped anything similar happening again?
You can see how important this stuff is.
You can see how unconscious most of it is, so if you don’t want to keep repeating the pattern you need to take a deeper look at these things!
They’re fundamental to your success.
BUT, here’s what I know to be true.
However you may be sabotaging yourself, you can overcome it.
That’s not to say it won’t come up again, BUT you’ll be able to recognise it and make a better choice for yourself.
Life won’t feel so hard, business won’t feel so hard.
Hopefully you’re seeing why one of my core values is curiosity!
When we can look at these things with curiosity, as the casual observer to our thoughts and behaviours it takes the sting out and gives us choice.
IT takes the judgement away so instead of thoughts like ‘i’m useless’, ‘why can’t I do this’ or ‘I’m nog good enough’ it becomes, ‘hmm...I notice that i just said or did X which caused Y, that’s interesting’ it becomes ‘I wonder where that came from’, ‘I wonder where that would have helped me in the past’ and then comes the ability to move forwards.
You don’t have to do everything on your own. This is why it’s so important to have people around you to help reflect these behaviours back in a non judgemental way so you can actually move forwards.
Coaches, therapists, psychologists. I believe everyone should have one, even if to not waste so much time and energy not having the things we want for ourselves, because it’s all so possible!
It’s possible for you too!
So have a think about where you might be holding yourself back right now, make it conscious, what are you going to do differently?
Fx | |||
| 09 Aug 2021 | How Do You Learn To Love Yourself? | 00:10:19 | |
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How do you start to love yourself?
How do you start to love yourself? I mean, for many people I think starting with liking yourself feels like less of a leap so let’s start there.
Why am I talking about this today?
I’m seeing left, right and centre people with big dreams AND capabilities, struggling.
They’re struggling with low self esteem and low self worth and when you’re trying to start or run a business that makes it very tricky.
You’re going to second guess yourself at every turn.
You’re not going to trust yourself or your decisions.
You’re always going to have that niggling, often very loud, self doubt running in the background telling you you can’t do it.
The gremlins get in your way ALL the time. You beat yourself up for it. You make it something ‘wrong’ with you on an identity level.
It does not feel good!!
So, as someone who’s very much been in the trenches with this in the past I thought it was worth me doing an episode dedicated to it.
So where to start? I used to not be able to list anything I liked about myself other than...my feet.
Yep, that's where I started with one of the exercises I'm going to talk you through.
I was FULL of self doubt. One of the most negative people you would meet. I was the energy vampire in the room. I always saw the worst possible outcome on things. Never looked at the positive. You will have heard me refer to myself as Eeyore on a bad day and that isn’t an exaggeration.
It’s safe to say I had a very low opinion of myself...and that person wouldn’t have been able to start this business.
Certainly wouldn’t have been able to start a podcast, let alone be nearly 200 episodes in. Or be able to do silly reels on instagram.
Wouldn’t have been able to put myself out there with the chance of criticism, judgement. It was ‘scary’ to be myself. I was hiding. I was a social chameleon who felt I needed to change who I was depending on who I was with because whichever group of people it was it felt like I didn’t fit in. It felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there. That I was lucky to be and needed to be a certain way in order to stay there.
I have so much love and empathy for that girl. But that wasn’t who she really was.
The more of this work you do the more you peel the layers of the onion away to be the core of who you really are. And that’s a beautiful thing. Yes, it can feel daunting to start with, sure. But it’s so worth it for the calm. Clarity. Peace.
I’m not a finished item because there really is no such thing. We’re always peeling back these layers of ourselves and I LOVE that. Life would be very boring otherwise. I love a bit of polarity.
But I thought I would share some of the exercises that I found super helpful. They may make you feel the ick...or a little tension...but that’s a GOOD thing because growth comes after tension.
The first exercise is to really allow yourself to write a list of all the things you DO like about yourself. When you’ve practiced and rehearsed the opposite for a long time it can feel tricky at first but that list really does start to grow but more importantly, it shifts your focus and helps create new neural pathways through neuroplasticity for you to notice and really acknowledge the positive.
That can only be a good thing.
Now, this can be physical stuff, which is a big part of it but also the inner stuff. Your values, your qualities.
Allow yourself to list them. I’m giving you FULL permission. Not that you need it...but your unconscious might. See, many of us were raised to believe that saying good things about ourselves was BAD. It meant you were arrogant, and therefore not a good person.
Don’t show off, don’t talk about your accomplishments, don’t be conceited. It’s literally used as an insult, it definitely was throughout my teens and twenties. ‘Urgh, she just loves herself so much’.
We’re taught to dim ourselves and not let ourselves shine too bright because it might mean people don’t like us.
So we learn to be self deprecating. We learn to put ourselves down.
Compounded by mean things people say to us as we’re growing up.
Add all that together in one big self doubt low self esteem smoothie and you have a recipe for things feeling difficult when you have to back yourself.
But it’s not your fault. It’s other people’s ‘stuff’ that you’ve borrowed and taken on as your own.
Next thing I'd love you to do is accept ANY compliments that come your way. If you have a tendency to bat them away or return the compliment straight away, stop. Let the person giving you the compliment feel good for giving you the compliment and making YOU feel good.
If you’re feeling brave, choose 3 close friends who you trust and ask them why they love you or why they’re friends with you. Say you’re doing a challenge if that makes it easier. What do they value about having you in their lives. What do they think your strengths are?
It’s such a powerful thing to know.
It’s starting to give your brain evidence to the contrary of what you’ve been telling yourself. It deals in evidence...so the more you provide it the less it can deny that you’re a good egg!
List out your achievements too for good measure! Lastly, a little something I always try to do, that forms part of my journaling for the non dear diary type method and will be in the Positive Pants Planner too when that comes out, is ‘nice things I did for people today’ and how many people I made smile.
It’s like my mission to do kind or thoughtful things for other people. I mean double whammy because it makes me feel good of course. But that’s half the point. It helps you feel better about YOU. Who you are as a person.
So, there’s a few things to get you started.
Just remember when you’re having a wobbly day...If I can heal, so can you.
No doubt in my mind.
Fx | |||
| 12 Jul 2020 | Replay Series: Mastering Your Fear Of Judgement! | 00:15:48 | |
Replay Series: Mastering Your Fear Of JudgementShow note links:
Access SubliminialPower HERE (Affiliate link because it’s awesome!) This week I decided to bring back an oldie but a goodie based on what i'm seeing a lot of and what i'm seeing from clients too.
The fear of judgement really is one of the BIGGEST fears that will hold you back. Really, the majority of other fears feed into this one.
The fear of success, the fear of failure, fear of visibility.
Short and simple, if you don't master it it will stop you from getting what you want, and we can't have that can we!
IT's time to really take a step back and realise what it is at it's core so we can break some of that emotional connection that will drive your behaviour.
Time and time and time again once a client masters this, reframes it and changes their perspective and starts taking action everything becomes easier.
They start flying in their business.
They start sending me my favourite kinds of messages which I call the 'OMG messages'.
Those messages of 'OMG you'll never believe what i've just done', or 'you'll never believe what's just happened'. And they're usually instances where they've surprised themselves with their boldness, their confidence. They're doing the things they never thought they could and really seeing the change that mastering this stuff makes, and it's magic.
So now it's your turn.
Enjoy!
ORIGINAL TRANSCRIPT CAN BE FOUND HERE | |||
| 04 May 2020 | Replay Series: How The Stories You Tell Yourself Hold You Back! | 00:13:14 | |
Replay Series: How The Stories You Tell Yourself Hold You Back!Show note links:
Welcome back to the replay series, hand curated episodes to remind you that you have all the tools you need at your disposal...Global pandemic or no global pandemic.
Today i'm reminding you of the importance of stories. The deep rooted beliefs that we have that create the stories we tell ourselves as 'fact.'
So have a listen and while you do have a think about the stories you're telling yourself right now about what you can and can't do and more specifically WHY. Start to challenge them. Are they really true? Even at first view if it looks like they are?
For example, if you have a business, what are you telling yourself about sales right now? It's not ethical to sell? Nobody is buying? It's not the right time for people? Really dig in and work out what they are because I can guarantee you they're either propelling you forward or holding you right back.
Here's the original episode for you if you're more of a reader!
Enjoy! | |||
| 22 Jun 2020 | How To Work Out What You Really Want | 00:17:04 | |
Access SubliminialPower HERE (Affiliate link because it’s awesome!) So, you’ve realised you’re not exactly living how you want to...or doing what you want to...what now?!
This is a question that came up from one of my lovely listeners and I thought it was actually the perfect time to cover it, what with all the waking up to our unconscious thoughts and all that.
With so many people realising they may have followed a path that was from someone else’s idea of what the ‘right’ thing to do was, or someone else’s idea of what’s possible and not their own, it’s time to have a little chat.
There’s a couple of camps you may be in right now as I know I have lots of listeners who already have businesses, and lots who want to start one...or achieve something big at least.
So, you might be in camp one where you listened to your parents idea of what success ‘should’ look like. Or your siblings, teachers etc. Authority figures from when you’re young.
So you go along with it, go through school, pick your GCSEs, A-Levels, Go to University, start at the bottom of the corporate ladder and work your way up. Right?
You’ve ticked all the boxes so you should be happy right?
No?
So what gives?!
I see this happening a LOT to people in their 30s and 40s. I was one of them! That tug towards knowing you’re capable of more, but no idea what that is or where the heck to start!
It’s confusing because you followed the plan.
You’re doing what you’ve always done, you don’t want to start ‘from scratch’ again.
I hear you.
Then there’s the other camp who essentially tend to be the same people but one step further along.
You already started the business! But still, something’s not quite right.
It’s not what you thought it would be, or it’s harder than you thought.
You’re doing what you THOUGHT you wanted to do but you’re feeling just as unfulfilled.
You realise you based your business around what you thought you SHOULD do, rather than what you really wanted.
You realise it’s not exactly what it’s cracked up to be.
So what do you do?!
I mean you could throw caution to the wind, quit your job or burn your business down (metaphorically speaking) OR you could carry on, reframe what you’re doing right now, work out what’s in your unconscious that’s REALLY causing the feelings and THEN make decisions based on that.
So how do you start doing that?
Where did the path you’re on actually come from? Did it ever come from you? Or was it someone else?
What did you LOVE doing as a kid?
Where do you lose time? Where are you really in a state of flow?
What do you really want for your life? What are your priorities? How can you make what you do fit around that?
What are your non negotiables?
What hobbies have you got?
Take some courses and test the water. Use your job as your venture capitalist and start DOING things you’re intrigued by.
Do you want to re-qualify? How can you make that happen?
What does your intuition tell you? There will be this weird emotional pull to certain things, you may not be used to hearing it, or listening for it. But give it a try. What comes up a lot for you. Do you dismiss it because it seems wild and crazy? Do you dismiss it because you think you can’t have it or there’s no point?
What would happen if you just followed it?
What would you do if you know you couldn’t fail?
What would you do if you had a billion pounds in the bank?
What do you NOT want to do?
When I was in that position I did a few things, I'll let you in on them as you’re in my inner circle ;-) Then you can decide if it might work for you. Let me tell you there is some serious trial and error and willingness to fail thrown in here!
I wrote down all the things I love doing. As we’re getting to know each other more I'll tell you some of the thighs I wrote down.
I started this as a list and then fleshed out the finer details of my strengths and weaknesses for all of them ha! So left brained sometimes.
So, I wrote down a mixture of things I COULD do or SHOULD do and things I LOVED to do.
I wrote down marketing consultant - I’ve spent 15 years in media so I definitely COULD have done this but my heart went...Meh!
I wrote down antiquing...oh yes...i’m coming out of the charity shop and antique fair closet. I freaking LOVE me a bargain and when I find something I KNOW is special it fills my heart with joy so I thought about reselling on things like Ebay (back then there was no Facey B marketplace or any of these newfangled ones we have today.)
I wrote down jewellery designer, if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know I went down this route and created my brand Francesca Grace….and quit it when it got too hard. If I knew then what I know now ha!
I wrote down coach or therapist. Helping people has always been a thing i’ve done, helping people think differently and to be honest it’s always been one of those ‘pulls’ I ignored. Even when we were doing careers quizzes as a teenager that’s what they were telling me ha. IGNORED and got distracted by jewellery!
I wrote down dog walker. Not many things bring me more joy than spending time with woofs! I had a grand master plan to combine products with dog walking. Then I got diagnosed with Arthritis and it was off the table.
My husband says I have a unique way of turning ANYTHING into a money making idea...even when people aren’t asking for it ha!
I had ideas coming out of my eyeballs.
I also had the limiting beliefs, stories and excuses to go with them. So bear in mind when you do this you’re going to start naturally unearthing them along the way.
I was awful to myself around all the reasons I wasn’t good enough or couldn’t do it. So I went with trial and error for a while.
So things to look out for when working out what you REALLY want.
Shoulds!!!
Coulds!!!
Can’ts!!!
Need tos!!!
Have tos!!!
I don’t know hows!!!
You want to look for the want tos! For the things that light you up and feel GOOD! That gets you fired up and excited and even if they seem out of reach right now, how COULD you make them happen?
What steps would someone need to take to get there (it’s handy to take the YOU out of the equation for this one so you don’t let your beliefs get in the way!)
You really can make a living doing pretty much ANYTHING these days so look for the evidence that it’s possible. The only limits are your imagination really.
So write down everything no matter how bonkers you think it sounds and start doing your research.
So whether you’re in the career and know it’s not right anymore and want to start your own thing, or you’ve built a business and realised it’s not for you...the same questions apply.
Really dig into what you love, what brings you joy. The important emotions!
The bottom line is, when you live your life based on other people’s ideas of what success looks like, or what the right path to follow is then you’ll suppress parts of yourself that don’t fit in with that. You’ve got to find what floats YOUR boat and what YOU think is right.
I’m not a ‘throw caution to the wind and burn stuff down’ kind of a gal. That can affect your relationships negatively if you’re not all on the same page, it often will catapult you into scarcity (which is the WORST place to start a business from!) once the initial excitement wears off. It leaves no room for experimenting. It leaves little room for curiosity. It leaves little room to make mistakes, to get things wrong, to fail and get back up.
People think those are the negatives but they’re the path to where you want to be...sounds counterintuitive but you HAVE to be allowed to get things wrong or you deny yourself the lessons and the growth.
It’s so, so, SO important to do something you actually love doing. Because it’s hard. There are ups and downs. You need to have fire in your belly and the motivation behind you to keep going through the downs.
Fx
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| 10 Jul 2023 | What I'm Learning From A Social Media Hiatus | 00:14:33 | |
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Things I’m Learning From A Social Media Hiatus
It may or may not have escaped your attention but if you’re on my email list you already know…I missed my first podcast episode since 2018. I totally lost my voice for a whole week…and it’s kind of an essential tool when it comes to recording audio.
But I’m back. Not 100% firing on all cylinders so please forgive me if there’s a cough that I don’t edit out.
But, it’s ended up being a happy turn of events because had I recorded this episode when I was meant to I wouldn’t have had the glorious opportunity to bring the new kid on the block into the mix…Meta’s new social platform, Threads!
The new kid on the block that it feels like EVERYONE is talking about!
And if you haven’t heard, it’s basically Meta’s new version of twitte so i’ll touch on that a little in a moment..
So… for the context of this episode, It may or may not have also escaped your attention but i’ve been on a bit of a social media hiatus for quite some time!
I’ve not really been online at all for a number of months. Either posting or scrolling.
There were various reasons why that started and in all honesty it wasn’t 100% intentional at first. I was just doing what I do and listening to what my mind and body needed in the midst of the chaos I have been managing personally.
In all honesty it’s been one of the best things I’ve done for myself and I want to talk about why i’ve done it and why I think it’s been so good.
If you’ve been listening for a while you’ll know that the last year has been quite the personal rollercoaster. Which annoyingly I still can’t really talk about yet but ohhh it’ll be worth it when I can. There have been SO many lessons learned and SO much growth.
However, it has meant that I have felt like I can’t really show up and be authentic on social media most of the time. If I can’t be totally authentic I honestly don’t see the point.
If i’m not having fun with it and being genuine I’d just rather not in all honesty. In spite of any ramifications in terms of audience and revenue and all that stuff.
I’m all for being a human being first!
I’m still showing up on my emails every single Wednesday and here every Monday…obviously you know that because you’re listening.
Because those two places feel good and authentic to me right now.
I’ve always done my best to make sure that anything I put out is authentic to me at that time and I don’t want to feel like i’m hiding things because at the end of the day this whole podcast is about being able to share lessons and knowledge around how to live better, think better and behave better as a human right?
There’s also some very ‘practical’ reasons, which will eventually all become clear, as to why I haven’t wanted to be online.
You have to think about what social media is training into your brain.
It’s training you to have a shorter and shorter attention span.
It’s getting you addicted to the little dopamine hits that come with likes and follows and a feeling of inclusion and belonging.
It’s also getting you addicted when that DOESN’T happen too.
It’s training you into distraction and procrastination.
It’s training you to not be present.
It’s training you to use significant amounts of your precious time doing essentially nothing and then feel like you don’t have any left.
It’s training you to not be out in nature, with people, reading books, to be removed from what’s going on where and when you actually are!
It’s training you to value the thoughts of people you’ve never met before over your own.
And I feel like I have all of this back, which is glorious.
I feel more balanced, calm, in control.
Now all this sounds super ominous and it is, IF you’re not consciously aware of how you choose to use and engage with it because lets be honest, for all it’s faults it can be fun.
Social media can connect you to people you wouldn’t have been able to be connected with previously.
As a child of the 80s and 90s I remember what it was like not having that. A time before mobile phones and the era of snail mail.
I remember what it meant if friends moved away or if you moved schools etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful I experienced it and grew up in that environment. I’m simply saying I CAN see the benefits in SPITE of the negatives.
With social media and the interwebs it means you can stay connected to people far away. You can connect to people with similar interests from across the globe. You can have long distance relationships etc etc.
So there ARE positives.
You have to be intentional when using and prioritising your energy and emotional resources.
It’s so important. You can very easily LOSE yourself to the dopamine hits on social media.
I’ve seen a lot of celebrities and influencers come out and talk about the negative effect that feeling like they have to be online ALL the time is having on them.
How other people’s opinions are affecting them negatively…because let’s be honest, social media really can be the cesspit of human behaviour at times.
So knowing how and when to protect yourself is essential.
You’re a human being, not a robot, and it’s SO important to be able to listen to your mind and body and do what’s right for you. Often that means a break.
I’ve seen lots of celebrities and influencers taking breaks and coming back when they feel better in themselves and i’m glad they’re modelling that. So i’d love for you to see that as evidence that the world doesn’t implode if you do what’s right for you.
Yes of course it likely means a drop in stats, maybe even income. But if you have your ducks in a row then weigh up what’s more worth itand/or important in the long term for you.
There’s no judgement to be made either way if you’re not judging yourself for it.
We only fear the judgements we’re already making ourselves, so get that in check and you’ll be able to make much clearer decisions.
This is, guess what…where self awareness comes into play! Shock horror.
If you know what your values and priorities REALLY are it makes it so much easier. This includes all the unconscious ‘stuff’ at play behind your decisions.
What feels authentic and GOOD to you?
How do you measure success?
How do you measure worth?
Where do you see your mental and physical health in your priorities?
If you need a break, take a break.
Figure out how you can make it happen.
Monitor the changes in you.
Go back if and when you feel like it.
Then we briefly need to have a little chat about Threads really don’t we.
The success of Threads so far shows that people are craving change.
It’s slightly unnerving how many people are talking about how it’s more fun over there and they feel like they can be themselves rather than a curated version of that.
It’s good that that feeling of safety is over there for now but I think that also tells you a heck of a lot about how much is being forced and fake over on other platforms, which is definitely food for thought!
So with Threads, don’t feel like you have to jump on the bandwagon or you’ll feel left behind.
Be aware of the addictive dopamine that will be coming out to play.
Notice how you feel when using or perusing.
Does it feel fun and expansive?
Does it feel authentic to you?
If you’re having fun, have fun.
If you’re not, leave.
So much of our happiness in this life comes from our own conscious awareness of ourselves. Our behaviour, thoughts and feelings.
The same is absolutely true of social media.
Don’t beat yourself up for giving yourself what you need and being honest about what you don’t.
For me it’s been one of the best things i’ve given myself permission to do.
It’s made a world of difference and increased certain thingsin my life like presence, authenticity, calm, time, peace and so much more at a time when all of those things were needed. It feels like the definition of staying in your own lane.
It might give you something different.
It’s all about intention.
I’ve absolutely zero interest in any falseness or fakery of any kind. It’s not something I like or am comfortable with in my world.
I’ve joined Threads to see if it will be a place with more authenticity and maybe i’ll find it fun and dip my toe back in the water. Who knows. That’s the beauty. You get to choose.
I’m loving knowing that i’m the one in control of my boundaries, time and energy and I get to choose to go back if and when feels right for me.
And in the meantime i’m going to enjoy the connection I feel here and over on my email list.
Fx
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| 01 Aug 2022 | Are You Following The Joy? | 00:13:07 | |
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Are You Following Your Joy?
Are you following your joy in your business?
I talk about this a lot.
Firstly because I feel like it’s actually something that gets ignored far too often.
Secondly because there’s so much nuance to where you get your joy.
What brings you joy will shift and change as you shift and change.
As well what doesn’t.
There have been some things recently that haven’t been bringing me joy anymore and when I started to pay attention to that I asked myself a few questions.
Firstly I asked, What no longer brings me joy, and why?
It’s no secret there are lots of things I see as problematic in the online industry in terms of bro marketing, scarcity marketing, people intentionally putting people into a trauma response to get them to buy.
Some days you can feel like you’re fighting a losing battle.
I’m not on Facebook much except for my paid programmes but every time I go on there it’s full of things that makes me wonder for a second if i’m back at school and i’m really not here for it.
Calling people out publicly. Mob mentality. Being nice to someone’s face and talking badly behind their back.
It’s a no from me thank you.
I’ve been trying to ‘untangle’ the things and places that make me feel like i’m caught up in it so I can get back in my own lane and protect my own space.
At the end of the day it stems from unconscious programmes and protection mechanisms that can be absolutely empathised with but i’d rather not be around it.
People understanding psychology or trauma and using psychological manipulation or poking trauma isn’t something I can get on board with.
So i’ve been muting and unfollowing lots of people and accounts. I’ve been making it as easy as possible on myself to not see it. Not to create an eco chamber. I’m totally here for new perspectives on things, my ability to see things from all sides is something I consider a super power. It’s to protect my own energy.
So being honest with myself about what’s NOT sparking joy right now is something I see as a really important part of this process.
Next up I asked myself, What does bring me joy and am I giving it enough attention?
The first thing in my business that really brings me joy is in person time. I can get some serious magic done with someone in person and I love it. It’s just a totally different vibe.
So the Mentorship absolutely covers this with the retreat and then 2 more in person days.
My VIP in person days bring me SO much joy. 4 hours, you me and a tonne of tea (or fizz!) picking things apart and putting it back together again based around you, what you want for your business and your life. Cutting out the noise and other people’s ‘shoulds’ and getting you focused on what needs to happen, without trying to sell your soul or do a tonne of things you really don’t want to. Because, guess what…you won’t!
Doing my monthly ‘ask me anything calls’ inside my membership and our calls with our mentees on The Mentorship I love too.
But there is something that REALLY sparks joy that i’ve been publicly holding back on. Something that I use ALL the time with all my clients and in conversation when I meet people.
It’s my little secret weapon and brings me SO much joy when I introduce people to it.
So this was a little revelation. So I had a little dig into why I wasn’t following that joy and really there was no good reason other than I used it with my private clients and the thought that not that many people were familiar with it.
So next up I asked, What could happen if I did give it more attention?
And that’s when the light bulbs went off.
SO much could happen if I give it more attention but also, even if all that potential great stuff doesn’t happen…i’m still following my joy. I’m still going deeper into something that brings ME joy.
So why the eff not?!
So i’m coming out of my joy closet with you today while I practice what I preach.
The thing that sparks joy as someone who is obsessed with personal growth and development, passionate about helping people uncover their unconscious programming so they can consciously change it and someone who is also obsessed with wellbeing and being able to understand and listen to your own needs…is The Enneagram.
If you’re thinking WTF is The Enneagram don’t you worry i’ve got you covered. I’ll do an episode on it very soon but in the meantime yesterday I started a new Instagram and Tiktok profile @enneagramandexcell and i’m going to be talking all about it.
The first step in any change is awareness and The Enneagram is one of my favourite tools for short cutting that.
Every client I introduce it to and work with around it finds it a total game changer for creating self awareness, reducing the nasty inner self talk, creating self compassion and finding compassion for other people too. Go follow me over @enneagramandexcell I have no idea where it’s going to take me just yet but i’m excited to find out.
Nothing else changes i’m just practicing what I preach and following the joy and experimenting with no attachment to the outcome and I hope you come join me :-)
So, I invite you to do the same exercise.
Follow the tingles and don’t ignore the Meh’s.
Everything is always moving you towards where you’re supposed to be.
It’s not realistic to think that you’re always going to love everything in your business. Or that you won’t change your mind. Or want to pivot totally. You grow and change, so does your business.
You get to be happy doing what you do.
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| 21 Feb 2022 | What Does 'Enough' Look Like? | 00:11:00 | |
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What does ‘enough’ look like?
What does ‘enough’ actually look like for you?
This is so relevant in ALL areas of life but what got me thinking about it specifically was a conversation with a client around the drive for more perpetually leaving you in a state of nothing ever being enough.
One of the messages I'm always trying to break down in the online industry is the whole ‘6 figure business owner’ chat.
The idea that our income is a label.
Of course there are times it might be necessary to talk about it depending on what you’re selling but it’s become this buzzword that runs SO much deeper than that.
Unconsciously the message we’re taking on is that if you’re not making six figures yet, then you’re not good enough.
This idea really drives me bananas. It takes all context out of the equation.
It doesn’t take into account what YOU need, for YOUR life, or what YOUR drivers are for having a business and what YOUR metric or version of success is.
It leaves ALL of that at the door and basically tells you your business isn’t good enough, ergo, YOU’RE not good enough, until you hit that six figure number.
(If you’re in a job you can absolutely relate this to that as well. Your salary being directly correlated to how good enough YOU are.)
But here’s the thing…
What happens when you get there?
You celebrate for all of 5 minutes…and then think ‘but i’m not going to be good enough until I can say MULTI six figures’
Then you hit that, then what?
Beat yourself up until you can say seven figure business owner? Then multi seven?
Where does it stop?
When do you feel ‘good enough’?
When will you actually allow yourself to acknowledge how amazing you are right now? And how amazing you already were?!
This obsession with growth is really toxic. You might want to coast and maintain it once you get to a certain level. Who said there was anything wrong with that?
If your version of success is flexibility and being able to have total control over your schedule, where you are and what you do. That might not fit into someone else’s version of success and where you ‘should’ be.
If someone makes you feel ‘less than’ for where you’re at. Or like you’re not good enough because you’re not at a particular income level or job title…that person is not someone you want to be around.
They aren’t someone you should allow into your energy.
Your income does NOT relate to how good enough YOU are.
Of course there are always blocks to work through to get to where YOU want to be. Of course. That’s why I have a business here right?
BUT, the biggest thing is that your goals are actually YOUR goals. Based on what you want for yourself and how you want your life to look.
NOT where other people tell you you ‘should’ be to be validated as a human being. To feel enough.
Be really consciously aware that these messages are not yours to take on. Understand it’s totally natural that we do, but take a step back and go hang on a minute…do I actually believe that?
Would I want my best friend to believe that?
Would I want my child growing up believing that?
It’s also worth thinking, if your friend had an £80k per year job, or even £95k….would you think they weren’t good enough?
It really is a toxic way to be viewing this. Running a business is the most amazing thing in the world but it also has its moments where it feels super hard. That’s totally natural.
But to take on these ideas and always be needing ‘more’ while feeling not enough is never, ever going to make you happy.
If you have to grow every single time you launch something, or every year you’re setting yourself up to feel not good enough. You’re setting yourself up to feel bad about yourself.
But in that moment, removing all context to the situation. Removing all other factors involved in a launch or a financial year. Looking at everything with emotion and feelings instead of rational, logical thought.
It can cause you to lose sight of the fact that wherever you get to in that launch, or in that year that you’ve achieved amazing things that so many other people wouldn’t back themselves to do.
You’re freaking amazing. Own it!
Whether you’re bringing in an extra £10k per year in a side hustle, £30k per year, £95k or you’re bringing in 8 figures.
Please don’t lose sight of how incredible you are.
Don’t allow your income to be how you validate yourself as a human. Don’t allow your income to dictate how ‘accepted’ or ‘acceptable’ you are as a person.
Trust me, if you’re in a room full of people where you’re only allowed to be there because your audience is a certain size or your income has got to a certain level and if it dipped down you wouldn’t be ‘allowed’ in the gang anymore, that’s not a room you want to be in…please turn around and walk out of that room right now because it’s never going to make you feel good.
There’s so SO much more to you than that.
What is it that YOU want?
How do you want to FEEL?
What is actually ‘enough’ to YOU?
What is actually the most important thing you want this business, job, side hustle to bring into your life?
What does having it GIVE you?
Surround yourself with the people who make you feel more than good enough just as you are. Who will back you and cheer you on for the smallest of wins.
And…Spoiler alert, you’re already enough. You always were!
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| 22 Oct 2018 | 041 - How To Set Goals That Work For You! | 00:13:10 | |
How to set goals that work for YOUShow note links: For your list of values head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/goals/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
How to set goals that work for YOUDo you set goals in your business? Or your life? Or do you just wing it and hope for the best? What is a goal even REALLY? Well, the definition is ‘the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.’ But I think it’s much more than that. Goals are an intention. Goals are clarity on what you want. Goals are a way to get everything you actually want. Goals are you making a commitment to yourself.
Why do we need goals? Putting it simply, those people who set goals are almost 300% more likely to achieve them than those who don’t. Good enough reason? There are a million other reasons that I’ll go into more detail on below but that’s a good enough one to start off the conversation! Goals help with the overwhelm...if you use them properly! Often when we have a HUGE goal and we don’t go anywhere near it because it’s overwhelming. All of these ways of setting goals will help with that. The funny thing is, we tend to overestimate what we can do in a year and massively underestimate what we can do in five years. When we go through the process of actually setting goals it makes us get really clear on what we actually want in our lives and our businesses so we always have a focus and can always see progress. So many of us go through life not working this out so is it any wonder that we can wind up unhappy? With no progress, no drive, no bigger picture? This can cause us to feel lost and stuck and not getting anywhere fast. Goals give us direction and focus and help us actually take ACTION on the things we want to achieve.
Spam filter Goals also help our brains filter out the important stuff that we need to notice. Our brains have a natural ‘spam’ filter (Reticular Activating System) that literally filters out the ‘noise’ to let us see the most relevant information. We simply can’t take on all the sights, sounds, images, smells, senses in general that we are bombarded with daily so when we tell our brains what is important to us then it helps to filter out what we need. But you need to tell it first!
Types of goals Here are a few of my favourite types of goals to think about and you’ll be able to see which ones can work for you and how you work.
SMART Goals I’ll start with an oldie but a goodie and these types of goals are so well known for a reason. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. This is the part where you break it all down and make it achievable and easy to see the path. Your goal needs to be super specific, clear and easy to explain. How will you measure that you’re on track? Is it achievable, can you see the steps clearly? Is it realistic, is it all within YOUR control? And then set a deadline! It makes the process really structured, easy to follow and easy to keep track of and can really help break down bigger goals into more manageable ones.
Stretch Goals OK so a stretch goal is kind of exactly what it sounds like, it’s a goal that you know will ‘stretch’ you and not something that’s possible with exactly where you’re at right now. It’s not an easy one, it will require work and growth to get there...which is the fun part! It will push you, require you to learn new skills or gain new knowledge in order to achieve it. Often when talking about stretch goals people use the quote ‘shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars’. The idea is that even if you don’t hit the end goal for whatever reason you will still end up in a significantly better place than you were before you started...and probably feeling pretty awesome!
Small Goals/Short term goals These are super important to get rid of the overwhelm gremlin when you’re focusing too heavily on the big huge scary goal. When you can set yourself smaller, more short term goals you will achieve them more quickly, build your confidence and gain momentum towards your big scary goal. So instead of going ‘OMG i’m nowhere near it, what was I thinking’, you’ll be saying ‘check me out i’ve made a tonne of progress in the right direction and I feel awesome, look at me go’.
Lifetime or BHAG Goals This sounds a bit morbid but what do you want people to say about you at your funeral, what legacy do you want to leave? Knowing the goals you want to achieve in your life time will actually help you set your short and long term goals and make it MUCH more likely for you to achieve. BHAG stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goals. The big picture, the big plan, the vision of the future you have for yourself. You know it’s a stretch but you also KNOW it’s achievable and drives you in working towards it. These goals are also GREAT to help you with your visualisations, which as we know are HUGE when it comes to being able to get super clear on what you want and help you take action on getting them. Helping your brain act as if it’s already true because it can’t distinguish between real and imagined and in turn creating much less resitatnce to you actually taking action towards it. BHAGs are what get you out of bed in the morning. They are the picture of ‘what would you do if money were no object’ they are what drives you and makes you excited. The big fat fulfilling goals that if you achieved you would be over the moon and probably crying big fat happy tears. So I’m hoping what you can see here is how goals can really help shape our reality. It can help give us focus and purpose and help get us to exactly where we want to be. We can set hourly, daily, weekly, yearly goals and everything beyond that. We can start with teeny tiny goals but the point is just starting. If you know you need some more of this in your life then there are only 4 spots left in The Proactive Pants Mastermind which will get you out of overwhelm and procrastination frustration and INTO positive action, focus and actually moving forward in your business with me in your corner. If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below and I hope to see you on the inside. Fx | |||
| 02 Aug 2021 | Who Have You Got On a Pedestal? | 00:10:03 | |
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Who Have You Got On a Pedestal?
Who have you got on a pedestal right now? I’ve been thinking recently about how funny it is that we do this as humans.
We look at people, who at the core are very ordinary and just like us in SO many ways, but we idolise them in some way because they have a particular level of achievement, status, accolade, whatever it may be.
Movie stars, successful business owners and entrepreneurs.
Isn’t it funny how we feel like these people are super human in some way. Almost god-like?
Why is that?
If you can’t tell, I'm feeling pretty philosophical about life at the moment.
A healthy questioning of unconscious behaviour if you will, it’s how I'm wired these days. It’s how I encourage other people to be.
When you start to catch yourself in those moments it’s as if you become a fly on the wall to your own thoughts.
A curious child to why we do the things we do.
Often I think money is at the core of it.
We make a lot of assumptions about people and their lives.
We look at this filtered version of what that is on social media and fill in our own gaps.
But, are we valuing the right things?
What is it specifically about those people that you admire so much?
What makes you feel they are so different from you?
How does it make you feel when you do it?
It’s one thing to inspire hope and motivation. It’s another if you’re looking at this person and thinking ‘I could never get there’. Or ‘I wish I was them’ or ‘It’s easy for them, not for me’.
All these thoughts and beliefs we allow to run through our heads making us feel less than.
Watch out for that.
Watch out for the stories that you tell yourself around what’s possible because really, most of the time the only real difference is a piece of knowledge you might be missing, or they’ve taken action that you haven’t.
They didn’t give up when it felt hard.
They didn’t let the gremlins take over and kept going.
That’s it.
Listen for the stories of the journey they took to get there.
They didn’t start where they are now, but they started.
I wholeheartedly believe that anyone can do what they really want to.
We have to clear out some emotional gunk first.
We need to do the work on ourselves.
We need to learn to regulate our emotions.
It’s what’s driving your behaviour.
We all have our own emotional ‘baggage’ that we’ve picked up along the way from family, friends, school, society, things that happened to us, things that were said to us.
This stuff rules your behaviour. It rules your thoughts. Until you choose not to let it. And you get to do that. You really do.
I’m living proof that you get to say ‘not anymore thanks’ to this stuff.
It’s not permanent unless you don’t look at it.
We are such changeable creatures. We can rewire our brains and nervous systems through neuroplasticity. We do this by first creating awareness about what we don’t want. What we do want. What our healthy patterns of behaviour are and what our less healthy patterns of behaviour are.
What are those common thoughts, beliefs and stories that get in your way?
Break them down one by one.
Because you really are far more capable than you give yourself credit for. I know I say this all the time, but I really am talking to YOU right now.
It’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to make changes.
These are all stories we make up based on our own maps of the world.
But if you change the map, you change the world!
If you change how you look at something, it has to be different right?
So what do you think the people that have what you want, have that you don’t have? That’s a mouthful!
What story do you have around their journey to get there, is it true?
Realise you’re not comparing apples and apples when you look at someone who is where you want to be.
Don’t put them on a pedestal, take a look back in time, they were YOU at one point!
Someone with a dream and a vision who just took the action to make it happen. But while I was going down this little rabbit hole of existential thinking I had another thought.
What if we put ourselves on our own pedestals?
What if you actually took a minute to acknowledge the things you’ve done in your life. The things you’ve got through. The trials and tribulations and actually acknowledged THAT person in the same way we would be inspired by someone else who had done the same?
What if you really take a moment to acknowledge everything you’ve achieved.
There can be so much of that emotional gunk running around doing an exercise like this.
We might have been taught that acknowledging achievements is bragging. That admitting you love, or even just like yourself, is arrogant. WHO MADE THIS STUFF UP?!
Look how many people are having to mentally try and un do some of these things we were taught.
Liking yourself, trusting yourself, fundamental to a happy life and creating success. Why weren’t we taught that?
What stories have you made up about yourself and what’s possible for you?
You deserve to be on your own pedestal! Because you are more than capable.
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| 22 Feb 2021 | Wellbeing Series: Tripping Our Way To Change With Jonathan De Potter | 00:58:14 | |
Show note links: Find out more about Jonathan De Potter and his amazing retreats: https://www.behold-retreats.com
Wellbeing Series: Tripping Our Way To Change With Jonathan De Potter
I had an amazing chat with Jonathan de Potter in this episode. The transformational effects of plant medicine is something I've been curious about for a long time so I loved having this conversation.
We talked all about the benefits of psychedelics in mental health, busted a few myths, the ever growing body of research into the field, how they can help you reach your full potential and we shared a lot about our passions in the field of personal development and growth. My kind of chat!
Jonathan is the Founder of Behold Retreats, passionate about plant medicine, and believes that absolutely everyone can improve their mental health and consciousness.
Jonathan believes that in these times of change, the single most valuable contribution any of us can make is to focus upon our own personal and spiritual development.
Behold Retreats facilitate life-changing plant medicine journeys to explore your inner world, discover your truth, and live to your full potential.
The specialist guides clients that are ready to accelerate personal and spiritual growth to realize the full transformational benefits of plant medicine like Ayahuasca and Psilocybin.
A primary focus for Jonathan is to raise awareness and education on the subject of plant medicine, and to begin conversations on if and how to bring this important science to the many cultures in Asia-Pacific.
Prior to working in plant medicine, Jonathan worked in management consulting, supporting clients in APAC with innovation, digital strategy, scaling, and transformation programs.
I hope you enjoy listening to this eye opening conversation as much as I enjoyed having it!
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| 18 Jan 2021 | Ways To Look After Your Wellbeing | 00:22:21 | |
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What ‘Rules’ are holding you back?
Just before I start I still have my little favour to ask if you haven’t filled in my very short questionnaire. so I can make sure i’m creating what you really want and need from my content, services and products. If you’d like to help a gal out I would be so grateful if you would take a couple of minutes to fill in a super quick couple of questions for me. The link is in the show notes and in the link in my bio on instagram. That way i’m not making any assumptions and I can help you have the best year yet...whatever it throws at you!
What do you do to look after your own wellbeing?
I’m continuing on my theme of being a bit softer, gentler and kinder to yourself as we ‘softly, softly, catchy monkey’ our way into 2020.
There’s no denying these last 9 months have been weird, bizarre, emotional, scary, sometimes great, sometimes not so much, confusing, a roller coaster, a pressure cooker or WTF IS HAPPENING!
It’s a collective trauma and we need to acknowledge that.
If you haven’t listened to last week's episodes about watching out for the rules we create for yourselves then please go have a listen to that.
The focus of this episode is to help with something I know so many of us are, shall we say...out of practice with.
That’s being kind to ourselves and putting our own wellbeing first.
Something that came through from my ‘what would you like to learn from me’ questionnaire has been that many people really don’t know where to start when it comes to looking after their own wellbeing.
So I thought I'd share a few things to spark some ideas. Things that I feel are important.
Things that I do myself. Things I'm only just starting to experiment with.
If you’ve been following me for any amount of time you’ll know that curiosity is one of my core values so because of that, i’m really open minded to trying new things and making up my own mind.
It’s important to state that these are all things that I do because I've researched whether they are right for me so make sure you’re doing your own research because there’s no one size fits all and I'm not a health professional...so do YOUR homework kids!
If there’s anything you want to hear more about then slide into those DMs on Instagram and let me know, I'll bring on an expert and do a wellbeing series for you.
Running a business and personal development/growth go hand in hand.
So I’ll start with my tried and tested ways to look after my own wellbeing.
If you’ve been with me ANY amount of time you’ll know my go to’s already. I’ve done a few episodes on my routine and I talk about them a lot.
You guessed it. Journaling and meditation.
I need to be clear, when I started using them in my life I was pretty clueless of the whys and the hows.
I was just committed to researching and finding ways to make them work for ME and fit into my life.
There will always be messages and delivery that don’t really resonate with us. Please don’t be put off from trying something because of it.
For example, I don’t love certain fluffy language. There are certain words that send a shiver down my spine. I can’t get into it. So I would look for ones that DID resonate.
For me, that’s when people talk about science, or the brain or rewiring neural networks...that’s my language. So I would go for those in my meditation. So I really resonated with Calm to start with. I’ve upgraded hugely and use Muse now. Definitely on the pricey side but if you’re serious about getting into meditation it’s an amazing tool to help you improve your practice and measure your brain waves while you’re at it. Right up my straza.
I still use it. I also create my own meditations now too drawing on different techniques that I’ve learned through my studies. Visualisation, working to regulate your nervous system, all that fun stuff.
I created the stressed to success meditation that I talk about that is FREE for you to grab and give a go. Link is in my bio on Instagram, on my website franexcell.com and in the show notes too. Can’t miss it.
Same with journaling. It’s finding a style that works for you. I like practical, minimal, where I know I'm following a specific approach that’s been tested. So the journals with loads of colour and pictures and swirly whirly goodness I can love the aesthetic...but I know I won’t use it as a tool.
That’s me, you might be different. Experiment, be curious.
There’s the obvious ones like being outside, getting in nature, bubble baths etc. I’d love to tell you exercise is one of my go tos but it actually isn’t. I’m working on that one not feeling like a chore.
BUT, MOVEMENT is. You can find me, on the daily, either in the kitchen or my office moving my body into weird shapes and flows to music. I mean, it’s kind of dancing and it’s also...not the kind I would do in public! Movement in a way that you enjoy and feels good is always going to be a winner.
Similarly, so is singing. If I feel ‘off’ and get curious about it I can often attribute it to that I haven’t belted out some tunes in a while.
I did a story on Instagram recently. It honestly, NEVER fails to make me feel good.
Breathing! Oh my goodness we SO underestimate the power of our own breath. Meditation is a big part of this but it’s made me incredibly conscious of my own breathing. I’m a naturally quite shallow breather, particularly if i’m in the middle of something or stressed etc.
Even when I'm just sitting working I will consciously take some slow, deep, belly breaths.
I’m a BIG fan of breathwork. The first time I did proper breathwork the emotional release was insane and took me by surprise. You can look up Wim Hof and another of my faves is Samantha Skelley because she’s a lot of fun.
I love a bit of woo….don’t get me wrong. I honestly do. But I also love a little evidence and I don’t love the woo ‘packaging’ but I don’t let it put me off.
I check my ego and say, ‘do I think there could be something to this that could benefit me’ and if I do, I will research and find a teacher who resonates.
For me it’s about tuning into what I feel I need. For example, I've been talking about tiptoeing into 2021. There are days where I'm ready to have real clothes and an actual bra on. There are days where I know my sweatpants and blanket by the fire are what’s going to get my best.
But it’s always a conscious thought and decision.
What’s going to make me feel good today?
Usually, even if i’m in my onesie i’ll still put some makeup on and do my hair...AND in my onesie...usually i’ll spritz my ridiculously expensive penhaligon’s perfume.
For no other reason than it makes me feel really good! Same thing with luxury body oils or moisturisers.
It’s noticing what makes you not feel great, and doing the opposite. Which for most of us, actually doesn’t come so naturally, even though it makes perfect common sense.
Common sense and common action are two very different things!
Now onto the things I've been trying.
I got the full set of Bach flower essences for Christmas and I'm like a kid in a candy store. I’m mixing my own blends and they really make a difference for me. So I'm geeking out on that at the moment.
Essential oils have long been a staple of mine. I use them in my diffuser every single day and I know a fair bit of the basics of what helps with what ailments. But the reason i’ve put them in the things i’m trying rather than my essentials is because i’ve got so much further to go with it. More qualifications here I come!
CBD oil was an addition to my routine in the last 6 months. You need to do your own research on this because I tried one and it did nothing for me and I just couldn’t understand the hype and all the reports of incredible benefits for anxiety etc. But I persevered and found the one that works for me and I am 100% a convert. You need to do your own research on that, like I say, I’m not an expert by any means, it’s just something I've added to my own personal routine that supports my wellbeing. You’re going to have a LOT of fun on google after this episode let me tell you!
Alkalising greens are something I added in to my routine 2 months ago and I honestly feel better for it. I found a brand that I like, I have it every morning while I'm making my earl grey without fail. It’s a powder that you mix into water or juice. Have a google friend!
Cold showers. Oh yes. By the time this goes out I will be on day 14. So it’s still new. BUT, I honestly noticed a difference super quickly.Look up Wim Hof for this one too. I started with just 15 seconds at the end of my shower but I'm already at a minute and I've noticed a real difference to my energy and my mood.
The hubs is going to be trying this one too but he keeps chickening out at the moment.
I’m also learning about sound healing frequencies. I’ve listened to binaural beats and solfeggio music for a very long time but i’m looking into how sound healing works and my solfeggio frequencies tuning forks have just arrived and i’m in love. I know no more about it just yet ha!
There are LOADS more, yoga, reading, qigong, grounding… way too many to go into in one short episode but these are my tried and tested go tos and what i’m doing at the moment.
I was surprised how many people wanted me to talk more about my general well being techniques but I am TOTALLY here for it so please do let me know if you enjoyed this episode and anything you want me to delve a little deeper into and I am happy to deliver...mainly because it’s fun for me, but also because I really want to encourage you to start putting yourself first and if I can help be a bit of a catalyst for that then I am all for it!
When it comes to looking after ourselves I think it’s the more the merrier in terms of ideas BUT being choosy. Pick something that resonates, do your research and give it a go and be conscious of the difference it makes for you.
Now, I don’t want you trying to add all of these things into your routine all at once, or at all(!)...you need to find what works for you and that can involve a little trial and error.
But also, in the spirit of the previous episode on rules, I want you to softly, softly, catchy monkey your way into new routines.
Just start small. Try to keep one small promise to yourself every day and see how even that gives you a HUGE sift in the way you feel about yourself.
You’ll notice that inner critic start to quieten down. You’ll increase in confidence and self belief. Sounds like a bold statement but it’s true. Think about how many times a day you break a promise to yourself and beat yourself up for it.
Now think how it would feel if you managed to keep one small promise every day.
The bottom line is. To perform at your best you need to be able to feel your best, and know what helps you create your best.
Tune in and ask yourself what you would love, and what you need.
Your body won’t lie to you.
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| 09 May 2022 | Who Do You Want To Be? | 00:11:51 | |
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Who Do You Want To Be?
Who do you want to be?
Big existential question for you this week, but an important one.
With a little follow up question.
Who do you want to be, and does your behaviour currently reflect that person?
As always, we’re looking at this with curiosity not judgement.
So few of us really stop and take a look at the answers to these but they hold the key to so much of what you want in your life and in your business.
Who do you want to be as a business owner?
Who do you want to be as a parent?
Who do you want to be as a friend?
Who do you want to be as a romantic partner?
Who do you want to be as an employee?
Who do you want to be as a client?
The answers to who do you want to be in those areas is one thing, but are your actions and behaviours actually reflecting that, and therefore making it possible?
The answers to these questions also give you some clues as to why you might beat yourself up in your own head.
So many of us look at other people and wish we had what they had, that might be personality traits, material things, friends.
We don’t tend to stop and think about if our actions are allowing us to move closer towards who we want to be.
This makes sense when we’re wired to repeat the familiar.
Regardless of whether something is good or bad for us.
Until we have the awareness to consciously look at our own behaviour and take responsibility for it we haven’t got a chance of changing it.
Awareness of what’s stopping you having what you want is the first key to everything. I dedicate an entire module in my SOS! (Success Over Stress) programme just to this piece of the puzzle.
The reality is, we can be who we want to be. Of course I'm talking about traits, attributes, behaviours, ways of thinking. As much as I'd like to be J Lo.
We just have to start by creating the awareness of the behaviours and traits we WANT and that help us move closer to what we want. And the ones that hold us back.
Then we have the power of conscious choice. We’ll be able to operate from our prefrontal cortex, the CEO of the brain responsible for rational, conscious choice and decision making. We’ll be able to consciously choose to go against our current programming and wire in new neural pathways for the behaviours that we do want.
The behaviours that will actually get us closer to our goals.
I know this not just from my thousands of hours of study, qualifications and client work, I’ve done it myself.
I was tired of having no self esteem and lacking confidence. I was tired of always feeling like an outsider and the most negative one in the room.
I didn’t want to be that person anymore.
It wasn’t doing me any good and was causing me pain on a daily basis.
There is a trick to this though. You can’t just wake up and be a totally different person and have let go of all your programming and foibles overnight.
So what if you aimed for 1% closer.
What if you decided to just make one decision per day towards what you want.
We have to create safety for our nervous system. I’m always saying to all my clients and in the mentorship and the toolkit, softly, softly, catchy monkey. Bit by bit. We call it titration. The idea of adding just a little bit at a time.
But you have to be clear on what that is first.
So what needs to happen for you to be that person?
What needs to STOP happening for you to be that person?
There’s so much gold in the answers to these questions when you use it as an exercise of clarity, curiosity and consciousness rather than an exercise in seeking your shortcomings and flogging yourself for having them in the first place.
Newsflash, nobody is perfect and we ALL have flaws.
So think about the kind of person you want to be in any one of the areas I mentioned earlier. How would the person you want to be show up in interactions with other people, and themselves?
Would they be kind? Confident? Compassionate?
Maybe they would be disciplined and focused?
In moments where you’re faced with a choice it’s asking better questions of yourself.
It’s being able to go, how would a confident person behave right now?
Or how would a kind person behave right now?
Or how would a compassionate person behave right now?
We have WAY more control over how we show up as humans than we give ourselves credit for.
Think of it another way. Who COULD you be?
What does the best version of you look like?
And what actions can you take towards that?
While you’re here, and talking of figuring out who you want to be, I’m VERY excited to let you know that the next cohort of The Mentorship is open for enrollment.
The Mentorship is something I'm incredibly proud of creating with the incredible Abi Huge of @thewhitethistle and Dawni Baxter of @beyond_thedawn.
It’s our 6 month hybrid mentorship programme where you get all 3 of us tightly in your corner for 6 months.
We’ve created something we believe to be different. We saw a lot of big programmes or masterminds that we felt were missing the real support that people need when you’re running and upscaling a business.
So with all 3 of us you get all our knowledge and experience and super powers to really drive you forwards.
You also have us and the rest of your cohort to get you through the inevitable wobbles. To ask for feedback. To sense check things. To get a loving pick up the butt or a huge hug, support and understanding.
One of the first things we do is help you figure out how you’re going to make your investment back.
We’re all there to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. To celebrate (or point out!) your wins and achievements.
We’ve had people in this round double their business, realise their business wasn’t serving them and do a total pivot to something that’s far more aligned, finally niche down to something that feels good, have huge growth in confidence and showing up, successful launches, new ideal clients, and SO much more!
There’s a lot of in person in this programme too because we believe it’s HUGELY important. Something magic happens with in person connection so we have our 5 day in person retreat in the UK in June. There WILL be a hot tub, that’s where all the good chats happen!
We’ve taken school holidays and all the fun that brings into account in the structure, we’ve got an in person day in September and another to round us off in December.
It’s truly led by the people that are in it. Meaning, we give you what you need. If there’s something the 3 of us can’t cover, we’ll bring someone in.
Connection, accountability, clarity, honesty, support, learning, action taking, getting the fudge out of your own way.
We think this programme is incredibly special so if you’d like to know more the link is in the show notes, in my bio on instagram (along with its own highlight on my profile) and you can email the word Mentorship to hello@franexcell.com and I'll send everything over.
It starts on the 7th June and there’s only 7 slots left.
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| 11 Apr 2022 | How To Find Clarity In Your Business...And Your Life! | 00:16:18 | |
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How To Find Clarity In Your Business Or Life
Do you feel like you have real clarity over what you want for your life and your business?
This is something that has been coming up a LOT this past week. With my 1:1 clients, with my Positive Pants toolkit members AND in The Mentorship.
So, of course, it inspired me to create this episode for you.
SO many people get caught up thinking they don’t have clarity on their ideal client, their niche, the products or services they want to sell, so they just don’t do anything. Or they flip flop on their messaging but don’t put out the offers to actually work with people because they don’t know who it is they want to work with, or how. It’s tough. I get it. I’ve been there.
I believe we’ve got it backwards.
Of course knowing your niche, your services, your ideal client is all necessary and makes your life so much easier and allows them to self identify that you’re the solution to their problem.
But here’s the thing. You need confidence in what you’re selling. You need to back yourself and your services or you’ll find running your business incredibly difficult.
We can look at people and be envious of the amount of sales they make or the amount of clients they work with, not the amount of followers they have.
But if you were to scroll back through their content or posts, you’re likely to find something familiar. You’re likely to find some less clear and confident messaging.
We all have to start somewhere.
Don’t compare yourself at the beginning of your journey to someone way further along, who allowed themselves to flap and flounder their way into clarity and confidence.
The other SUPER important piece of clarity I DO think is important to know as soon as possible, the irony is this piece of the puzzle I see people DO leave until way after they’ve started but you really do need it at the beginning, is what you want your life to look like.
How does your business fit into that?
How many hours per week do you want or are able to work?
How many days per week is that?
How much time off do you want or need in the year?
How do you want to deliver your services?
What feels heavy and burdensome to you vs light and easeful?
So how do we actually find clarity?
When it comes to niche, products, services, ideal client etc, we start with what we DO know and we do the thing. This is the number one way to get clarity. Try, experiment, allow yourself to make mistakes and get it wrong.
This is why beta programmes work really well where you charge less for essentially the test run. Or to just get your first few clients through the door.
You’ll know pretty quickly the kind of people you do and don’t want to work with. But you have to do the thing!
I found my first clients thinking I wanted to work with people in corporate jobs that weren’t happy. I put the feelers out by talking about what I was doing, asking friends for referrals and got my first 8 clients this way.
Some of those clients I adored and some were more difficult to work with. Through that I realised I wanted to work with people who had a big dream or a big goal. They were FAR more invested in their own results.
All too often I see people think they have to have everything figured out before they take any action. But the reality is, taking the action IS what actually gives you the clarity.
You can spend hours, days, weeks or months trying to ‘think’ your way to clarity.
You can put up with the frustration, the feeling of stuckness, the feeling like you aren’t moving anywhere fast. Or, you can just allow yourself the grace to try and see what happens.
We place far too much concern over what other people will think if we don’t ‘look’ a certain way but the more you let go of that and allow yourself to experiment and just see what happens, the further you’ll go…and much quicker!
Another way we find clarity is to create space.
Journal, Meditate, talk it through with people who get it. Allow ourselves to let go of the ‘rush’ sometimes and take a step back to reflect. Of course a fast track to this space is coaching and mentoring so if you’re in a position to get anything like that do it as soon as you can, even if it’s just an accountability buddy.
Having someone help you reflect, seeing the things you don’t see, challenging your thought processes is something that will absolutely help you find clarity and get moving more quickly.
Next, to find clarity you really have to ask yourself the questions like what do you most want for yourself and for your life? What does it/will it actually look like?
Start with what you DO know. Even if that’s simply knowing what you don’t want. Knowing what you don’t want will naturally lead to more clarity on what you do.
Know your values. Knowing your values is so key to gaining clarity over all the things we’ve been talking about today.
Next up for the clarity train and a BIG one in my opinion…Cut out the noise and simplify. Choose less than a handful of mentors.
The more voices you have giving you different options and different ways of doing things the more confusion you’ll have and LESS clarity.
I see people looking for the answers external to themselves ALL the time when so much of what they need is literally right under their noses.
Tuning INwards. Listening to yourSELF and then getting help to solidify that from someone who has done or is qualified to know how to do what you want to do.
Ask yourself, ‘What’s the story I'm telling myself about not having clarity right now and what it means?’
People spend so long feeling ‘behind’ when they are trying to figure things out. But you’re only ever really behind if you don’t take action or you quit altogether.
You can collect all the data. You can learn all the things. But until you start actually DOING you won’t find the clarity you’re looking for.
And finally tying nicely into that last point, decide. Decide to take action on A direction and see where it takes you. Be ok with a few detours along the way, that’s part of the journey.
I’m always saying in the Mentorship and to my toolkit members, there is a point in the future where this is easy. There’s a time you’ll forget it was ever hard for you. But that only comes from taking action. Being ok with making mistakes. Failing forward and not making it an existential crisis.
You’ve so got this!
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| 15 Aug 2022 | Have You Decided You're Not 'Good' At Meditation? | 00:14:17 | |
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Think You’re No Good At Meditation? Try This!
Think you’re no good at meditation?
Given it a go after hearing about all the benefits but just couldn’t get into it or ‘silence your mind’?
Decided you’re just not cut out for meditation?
You’re not alone.
However, it’s worth saying you’ve probably been spun somewhat of a yarn in terms of what meditation ‘should’ look like.
The point is not to simply ‘silence your mind’. That’s nearly impossible as a human, especially at the start, so no wonder you struggled!
The point is to focus your mind. Notice stray thoughts and send them on their way and come back to focus instead of going on the endless loops that we so often do. It’s also to allow space for any insight to come through if that’s what you’re looking for.
You’re creating new neural pathways for focus, attention and concentration. You’re also creating pathways that allow you to be more in touch with your own bodily sensations, your emotions and for creating and allowing for some space in your life.
Handy tools to have as a business owner…or just in life let’s be honest!
Our brains have been trained to be distracted, no wonder we have a hard time focusing on deep work. Our attention spans are the smallest they’ve EVER been and signs are that’s not changing any time soon.
You also need to remember that meditation is a habit, and just like you wouldn’t expect to lose 2 stone going to the gym once or twice you can’t expect to nail enlightenment or inner peace on your first go!
You also might have simply tried a form of meditation that just isn’t best for you!
What? Not all meditation is good?
There’s a lot of nuance in the answer to that question.
If you’re practicing a form of meditation that is causing you to ruminate on your thoughts or exacerbate them and then causing you MORE anxiety, then that form of meditation is not bad, it’s just not good for YOU!
There are several reasons it could feel difficult to meditate. One could be things like ADHD. (Even though it’s widely recommended to be super helpful for ADHD…it can feel more difficult to start with. Again, nuance, not everyone is the same)
Another can be when your nervous system doesn’t register stillness and quietness as safety. Its baseline could be more chaotic. This is super common and something I help people with 1:1 and in my SOS! (success over stress) programme.
Our nervous system is wired in childhood and there are SO many reasons it can register as not safe to someone's nervous system. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you, we all have to navigate different wiring.
There are SO many different types and ways to meditate. I was talking to my Dad when we went paddle boarding the other day and we figured out fishing was his version of meditation.
So let's have a little look at some of the types of meditation that are out there and see if there’s something you’d be keen to try. I’m also going to give you some of my favourite tangible tools to try too.
Mindfulness meditation is one of my favourites and something I'm qualifying in to be able to teach. I’ll do another episode on the neuroscience of mindfulness soon because it’s been ‘mainstreamed’ so much that it’s easy to ignore, like so many of the tools and modalities that really work on a scientific and neurological level. The other thing I love about mindfulness is you can do it in bursts of a few minutes throughout your day. It doesn’t demand so much time. You can start with waking up your senses. What can you see, hear, feel, smell or taste? What sensations can you feel in your body? What can you look at with more focus and detail than you have before.
Guided meditation is a great place to start, and I still love it now. Guided meditation is where you’re literally guided by someone else in the recording or in person. There may or may not be music but it’s about being guided through the practice by someone you can trust and can calm an ‘am I doing it right’ mind.
Silent meditation is a great way to tune back into your body. Noticing your sensations. Noticing thoughts and emotions that might come up. We’ve been so disconnected from our own bodies for so long that it takes time to recognise the sensations for what they are and be able to listen to the messages your body is always trying to communicate. If you’ve struggled with meditation before, this one is definitely more tricky.
Visualisation is a form of meditation where your focus is on an image in your mind's eye instead of your breath or something else.
Movement meditation is something I got into when I struggled with my meditation practice. There are lots of different ways to practice movement meditations. Tai Chi, Qigong, mindful walking, and many forms of yoga. Kundalini yoga in particular. This is such a good thing to try if you fall into the camp of struggling to switch off or be still.
Sound baths is a form of meditation. Whether it’s gongs, singing bowls or something else. I love a sound bath and actually went to one for an hour and a half last week. Glorious.
Breathwork is an incredible form of meditation, there are some forms that are totally fine to do on your own but breathwork is best performed with a practitioner. You may also need to check with your doctor that it’s suitable for you because some people it’s not. For example if you have a pacemaker or heart problems. You can however have really profound experiences and trauma releases with breathwork. You can also potentially panic which is why it’s really worth working with a practitioner who can teach you what to expect and what’s safe.
Heartmath is one of my favourites. Technically not a meditation but very close and has even more benefits. Like using the breath to balance your nervous system and increase your window of tolerance and heart rate variability. I’m a licensed heartmath practitioner so if you’d like to explore this one with me just drop me a message.
Sensate is also one of my favourtie tools if you struggle with meditation because it uses sound, vibrations and also works directly with your nervous system. If you haven’t listened to the episode of me interviewing the inventor Stefan Chmelik I highly highly recommend you do. I also have a discount code for you as a partner. Lots of my clients use Sensate now and absolutely love it.
Moonbird is a new company I've been working with and I love what they’re doing. It’s a tangible breath pacer so it makes lots of breathing exercises that much easier. If you’re like me and struggle to follow visual breath pacers I think this is a game changer. It breathes in your hand like a baby bird and you simply breathe with it.
There’s lots of other types, zen, vipassana, vedic and lots more.
So, I hope I've given you a little food for thought about trying to give meditation another go if it hasn’t been a great experience for you previously. If you’re a seasoned meditator I hope you will geek out on any of the tools or techniques I've mentioned that you don’t use.
Always remember what’s behind the intention to do something. If you want more focus, attention, concentration, less stress, more emotional regulation, for my brain geeks if you want a thicker prefrontal cortex or corpus callosum leading to better communication between the left and right hemispheres of the brain…then I hope you enjoy some of my suggestions.
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| 17 Sep 2018 | 036 - How To Charge Your Worth | 00:14:04 | |
How To Charge Your Worth!Show note links: To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
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For more information on this topic head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/chargeyourworth/
Do you charge your worth?
Or are you constantly discounting your rates and trying to throw in ‘and the kitchen sink’ bonuses so you can feel like you’re actually ‘worth’ what you’re charging?
Not charging your worth is something that comes up time and time again from my audience. I even did it myself when I started my business, hell I still do it now when I’m launching something new!
It’s also something I see that directly stops people putting themselves out there, FULL STOP, because they’re terrified of people not buying or of what people will think of them. The little ‘who do you think you are’ gremlin.
The thing is, we all struggle with this, but the more you work at it your ‘OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M TRYING TO CHARGE THIS WHO DO I THINK I AM’ will eventually turn into ‘Hang on...I’m massively undercharging for this, need to up these rates pronto!’
It’s a process, so be patient. It’s also something you’ll revisit often. Where you set your prices now is not where they’ll be in a year. It’s just best to do it in stages so your brain and your confidence can catch up with you rather than going ‘OMG NO WAY ARE YOU CHARGING THAT ARE YOU MAD?!’ and keeping you stuck under charging or worse not putting offers out at all.
Benefits when you DO charge your worth
Firstly, your business will grow quicker and you’ll need less clients to hit your goals which is always nice!
Your clients will get better results because they will be literally more invested. We all need that bit of skin in the game to increase our commitment to getting something done and we really don’t value things we get for free or cheap, how many freebies do you have sitting in your inbox that you’ve never used?!
It increases your confidence your net worth AND your self worth all in one go!Woohooo!
It improves your work/life balance because you have more pennies to do the things you want to AND you can work less hours to make the same money...bonus!
You attract the right people, the people who are ready and invested in their own results! Those are the people you want.
The trouble when you DON'T charge your worth
You will resent it, big time. When you have clients demanding the earth from you for pittance how will you feel? You’ll attract he ‘bargain hunters’ and they are NOT your ideal clients.
You will compare yourself to other people who are charging what you want to charge and resent them for getting the clients that you want.
You just won’t look as ‘good’ as the person charging more! This is a biggie...It’s the age old ‘must be too good to be true’ or ‘they must not be great if they’re charging that when X person is charging double.’ For every person who walks away because you’re too expensive, one will walk away because you’re too cheap! Remember...you get what you pay for!
It can come across that you aren’t as good as your competition or that you aren’t sure of your own worth so it can actually put prospective clients off even if they had already decided they wanted to work with you. Would you hire someone for what you do at the rates you’re charging?
You’ll attract the wrong clients which can end up knocking your confidence and leave you feeling undervalued. The tyre kickers, the people who want the moon on a stick.
You’ll decrease your confidence the more you struggle.
You could burn out. When you charge too little you’ll need to work more hours to get the income that you need.
It is actually a fairly easy fix but as with all mindset stuff it does take a little bit of time and effort. If you KNOW you’re undercharging we need to get you to start increasing those prices, now.
Tips to help you actually charge your worth!
Write down all the reasons you are qualified and why the results you give are worth what you want to charge.
What’s the transformation you’re giving? Focus on that. Often we set up businesses based on where we’ve previously been. If we go back in time to the ‘pain’ part of our journey, what would it be worth to you to get out of it quicker? Knowing what you know now, what would you pay?
How much have you spent getting yourself to where you’re at now? You’re short cutting this stuff for people, that’s got to be worth something right?! How much have you spent on your own learning and qualifications. I’ve invested about £30-£40k over the last few years in my own development, coaches, qualifications etc. When you add it up it puts things into perspective and can help you see that you really are worth what you’re charging.
What time have you invested on getting to where you’re at now? Learning hours, working hours, allll the hours, I bet it’s a lot more than you think.
You really do need to think about invest in yourself at at LEAST the amount you’re asking other people for. If you’re asking for an amount of money you’d never spend on yourself you can see how energetically that would be difficult and would actively stop you selling.
If you don’t want to raise your prices because you think people won’t pay and you feel ‘desperate’ for clients and taking on non-ideal clients just to make sure you can pay your bills...think have a think about getting a part time job...there, I said it ooooooh! There is NOTHING wrong with getting/having a job. It’s not a dirty word. The average millionaire has 7 revenue streams, you can just make a job one of them until your brain will allow you to branch out but this will take the pressure and the ‘desperation’ out of it so it’s no longer a factor in how you price yourself.
If you have a certain level of regular income you will relax, be able to take on the RIGHT clients rather than the ones that your gut is SCREAMING at you not to work with just because it’s money and feel more confident raising your prices and it taking slightly longer until you attract the right ones! So much of this is just pure panic, so if you can get rid of the panic you can make better decisions for YOU.
Price up the VALUE to your client rather than number of hours etc. Yes that’s a factor in it but the important but is what your service means to your client.
Analyse what your beliefs are around money. This needs to be a whole post on it’s own because it’s a HUGE topic. You need to work out what your money ‘story’ is, your belief system around how easy or difficult it is to get or make money and what money means to you. If you have negative thoughts and feelings towards it then it’s so much more difficult to attract it.
Money affirmations can be really helpful but the trick is to make it BELIEVABLE. When you use words that you would never use your brain smells a rat. A staggering 98% of these things lie in our unconscious not our conscious mind so we need to re-train it and affirmations are a great way to do that.
Stop worrying about what your potential clients can or can’t afford. My lovely friend and mentor Jessica Lorimer always says ‘other people’s finances are NONE of your business’. We can get caught up with concerning ourselves with what our ideal client can actually afford. We started these businesses because we wanted to help solve a problem but the reality is, if someone wants what you have enough then they WILL find the money. I’ve done it myself a hundred times so who am I to think someone else won’t be able to do the same. This is another really good reason that you should invest in yourself as much as possible because it can show you how possible it actually is. If you would do it then why on earth would you think someone else wouldn’t do it for your services?!
Reverse engineer. What do you want to earn per year? How many hours do you want to work per week? Work out your hours per week times by the number of weeks you want to work in a year (you need holidays too you know!!) then divide by your total, what does it come out at? Something you’re horrified by because it’s ‘too expensive’ or ‘too cheap’
Remember you’re not a charity, if you want to help people you need to be able to sustain your business or you won’t be able to help them anymore. The bottom line is as I mentioned, people don’t tend to value what they get for free or cheap so if you want your clients to get the results you know you can offer then get those prices up!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
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| 28 May 2018 | 020 - Why You Need Your Positive Pants To Start A Business | 00:14:40 | |
Why is being positive so important when starting a business?Do you struggle to feel positive? Trying to start your dream business on the side but often it feels like you’re pushing water uphill? You’re still in a toxic corporate job and KNOW you’re capable of so much more...and that there’s more to life than living for the weekend. But something is getting in your way...stopping you from pushing forward in your business. It’s highly likely to be your mindset!Here’s what I mean… I firmly believe that you HAVE to sort out your mindset before you can push forward. If you’re in a job that you can’t stand and you’re always focusing on the negatives Monday-Friday it WILL spill out into everything else you do. You’re training your brain to be that way, and in turn making it REALLY difficult to be able to see the positives...and SO much more difficult to achieve what you want! Often sorting the way you look at things is all it takes to make you fly.It is easy to do when you know how, but it does take time. You have to break old habits and ways of thinking that don’t serve you and form new ones that do. You need to literally rewire your brain for the positive. Don’t worry...it’s not as difficult as it sounds at all, it just takes a little time and effort on your part. This certainly doesn’t mean you have to be positive ALL the time, that’s not realistic. See here for what I have to say about that! But it IS about creating awareness of and learning to manage your own thoughts and in turn your own actions and behaviours. Positive thoughts lead to positive beliefs and positive actions. Negative thoughts lead to….procrastination and not getting anywhere! Also, think about it practically….if you’re a negative Nelly will people want to do business with you? Would YOU want to do business with you? So in essence...Not being positive can directly affect your business’ bottom line. Worth sorting right? On the flip side, positivity and a positive outlook is infectious and acts like a magnet for people who like your ‘vibe’ It will be so much easier when you sort this! Starting a business is hard.You will have set backs, you will make mistakes, you’ll hear ‘no’ a lot and there will be points that you deal with all the inevitable mindset gremlins...fear, overwhelm, procrastination, self doubt, comparisonitis, imposter syndrome. You name it you’ll feel it BUT this is all sortable when you shift your thinking to the positive. If the stress or fear centre of your brain is constantly activated it actively stops your ability to think. Whereas people who think positively have a greater capacity to take on new information and tackle setbacks or issues more effectively. You will also have more energy because it’s not all going to your brain when you’re constantly operating from fight or flight mode. You will be more grateful and accepting. You won’t feel like an imposter, you won’t compare yourself, you won’t envy others successes (and secretly hope they fail...yep...that’s right, I see you!) You will attribute others successes to grit, determination and hard work rather than dumb luck, or that they’ve got what you want because they're prettier or thinner than you. You won't over analyse everything or have chronic self doubt. To be resilient...you need to see the positives. To be able to reframe, you need to be able to see the positives. To be able to stay motivated and inspired to push forward...you need to be positives. To not give up when it gets hard (which it will) you need to be positive. To solve problems, you need to be positive. Negativity WILL affect performance, work ethic and productivity. See how this stuff works? I truly believe that having a positive mindset from the get go is absolutely the key to success. Here’s a few ways to start doing it today (with links to more information): Journaling.This is where I recommend you start with your mindset shift. It’s what i credit with shifting my mindset from Eeyore on a bad day to a positive, resilient person who can deal with most things that get thrown at her! Fran 2.0 if you will. You can check out my printable store here which is full of exercises and journal templates to help you along the way and find your positive pants by retraining your brain!
MeditationOK this is partly self care partly a non negotiable. Using mindfulness and meditation you will be a calmer, more rational and more positive person. The connection between your right and left brain hemispheres literally gets stronger, which means in times when things don’t quite go according to plan your analytical, creative and problem solving minds will all work together that much better, solve problems and bounce back quicker. Worth investigating right?!
GratitudeThis is one of my favourites and also what’s known as an intervention in positive psychology. If you're feeling anxious, fearful or stressed you can use gratitude to shift all that around. If we take the example of working in a toxic corporate job that you dread every morning of. What ARE the positives of that job? What does it allow you to do? Who does it allow you to be? Do you have close friends as colleagues? Start to focus on these more and be grateful for them….they will be there!!
ReframingHow can you look at things differently? Reframing is definitely one of my most used tools and one I think is HUGELY important in your business...even more so when you’re juggling a job too!
AffirmationsPositive affirmations sound supper woo woo I get it...I thought the same for a LONG tie but there is scientific research that backs it up. So worth giving a go right? I would focus on one particular negative thought and belief per month and say it out loud and write it down every day.
Your vibe attracts your tribeCheck who you spend your time with...uplevel your friendships. If you’re currently holding on to toxic or negative relationships let them go, or limit your time in them. Surround yourself with positive people who drive you forward and support you and ‘get it’. I can’t stress the importance of this enough. It makes a HUGE difference!
Visualise success.Success really does start in the mind. Spend time visualising what your life will look like once you hit your goals. How will you feel? Who will you be? Marinate in that as often as you can!!! When you think positively, you will behave positively and take positive actions, and get positive results.
For more information on this topic head over to https://www.franexcell.com/positivemindsetforbusiness/
To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
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| 31 May 2021 | Why Do We Overcomplicate Things? | 00:14:22 | |
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What Are You Overcomplicating?
What are you overcomplicating in your life or business right now?
I just did a reel over on ‘the gram’ about how all too often we overcomplicate getting what we want.
We look at something simple and think ‘that’ll never work’ or ‘it can’t be that simple’. It’s as if, the more simple something is, the less we trust it.
We often know the answers. Let’s take weight loss, we know I love a weight loss analogy because it’s so easy to relate to.
We know ‘eat less, move more’ is always a winner. But we might seek a more complicated solution like restricting certain foods. Or complex meal prep like macros or doing something that requires research, like cutting out wheat or dairy.
I used to get lost in those labels.
It’s often the same with mindset work. It’s as if you’ve been told what works a hundred times but there’s something you don’t trust because it seems too simple.
Same with business. I think there is SO much that's overcomplicated in business. It wasn’t until I cut out the noise of all the millions of strategies that, according to the messaging, if I ‘didn’t have in my business then I really didn’t have a business’ that things took off.
It made everything harder. It’s when you strip things back. Simplify and take action from that place that you’ll start to see the results.
Confucius said “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
And it’s SO true. I see it all the time with clients. One of my favourite things to do is help them see the simple. Often met with a ‘why didn’t I think of that’ or ‘Oh my God that’s so easy’ and a frustrated little laugh.
I used to do it myself too, because I'm a human!
I had a year where my ‘word’ of the year was simplicity. I LOVED that year because I had it next to me all the time. I had it flash up on my phone. I really intentionally lived by it for that year so it’s now just a go to way that I think.
If ever I start going down a thought loop it’s straight away ‘where am I over complicating this’.
Very helpful, I thoroughly recommend it!
So why do we keep going to the overly complicated ways of getting what we want?
What is that?!
Well, it’s actually a ‘thing’.
In psychology it’s known as ‘complexity bias’.
Complexity bias is where we can look at something fairly simple and think there’s more to it than it is. We can confuse ourselves over it. We LOVE doing this when we’re already overwhelmed too...just for kicks!
We don’t look for the obvious answer that might be staring us in the face.
The area I do this with is tech. All my emotional regulation tools and techniques come out to play when I'm around tech.
Sometimes it can feel like the most basic of things is impossible to follow.
If we go back to the weight analogy again, you might have gained weight and you start researching thyroid function or hormone imbalance. It might be that.
But it might also be the entire box of chocolates that you ate or the fact you haven’t exercised in months.
I’m talking to myself here too guys ha!
This is definitely something advertisers take advantage of too. After 15 years in advertising and doing my dissertation on the way marketers make women feel terrified of ageing it’s rife.
It could be confusing language that doesn’t really mean anything. I remember back to my dissertation and it was a beauty brand marketing their brand as better because it contained ‘aqua spheres’. Think about that for a second. I mean, does an aqua sphere sound like it could be a drop of water to you?
The same goes for marketing of courses or programmes. People will make you feel like if you don’t have THEIR specific thing that you’re missing something.
They’re intentionally letting you over complicate it so you feel like you NEED it!
We unconsciously make ‘more complicated’ mean ‘better’.
We just see things as more complicated than they actually are.
This is another sneaky brain shortcut.
It means you won’t do the thing that’s going to require a burst of energy, and it wants to conserve energy.
I see it often when making personal development changes. People don’t trust the easy options. Which is interesting because they often over complicate by looking for instant gratification.
It really can be way more simple than you think to make HUGE changes in your life, which is what my first cohort of SOS! Ladies have been learning with me over the last 5 weeks.
The tools and techniques that work are SUPER simple. Using your breath, meditation, journaling.
You just need a little more information and context for your brain and your nervous system to trust it!
It’s so easy not to trust the simple option. It’s often not until you have the complicated or more complex knowledge as to why something works that you have the motivation to stick with it and trust the process.
Ask yourself questions like, ‘how could I simplify this?’ or ‘where am I over complicating this’. ‘What is making me not trust the simplicity’.
Seek someone else’s opinion who isn’t as close to it as you. Often other people can see the things we don’t yet because they have a different way of viewing the world, or different experiences and different beliefs coded into their system.
Seek the evidence of other people who have done the thing you want to do.
LOOK for the easy way.
The more you look for it the easier it will be to find. Funny how that works!
You’ll also be giving your brain the instructions that this thing is important to you so your reticular activating system will be on the hunt to deliver the people and opportunities that you might ordinarily miss.
But when you have this complexity bias running, AND you’re delivered marketing by people who KNOW this all mashed together it’s easy to see how you can get discombobulated and confused over your next step!
So you just don’t take any and things don’t change.
So, It’s entirely possible that having the business, and the life that you want is entirely less complicated and far more in reach for you than you’re making it!
I see SO many people wanting to start businesses and not doing it because it becomes this big complicated mess in their heads because there’s so much NOISE out there, so it’s easier to decide you’re just not cut out for it.
But, in my opinion, that couldn’t be further from the truth!
You’ll hopefully remember my friend Lisa Johnson. She's been on a few episodes of the podcast before so go check those out if you haven’t because she thinks very the same way I do.
So together we make quite the combination!
It’s time we stop over complicating things, particularly business. We can take away so many of the things we complicate about business. Like growing an audience, creating content, funnels, email marketing, how to actually make money.
But also stop believing things like having a business means having to live hand to mouth or feast or famine in terms of clients and revenue.
This uncertainty that can come with being your own boss...which your brain does NOT like.
There are SO many ways it doesn’t have to be like that.
Having done what feels like a bazillion different courses before, feeling like there was always a piece of the puzzle that I was missing to actually make it work for me in the way I wanted to. Based around what I wanted for my life.
I fell for it, and wish I knew then what I know now. It absolutely, categorically doesn’t have to be that way.
Lisa’s not here for it either. Simplify, simplify, simplify….step by step.
She simplifies everything, and fits the pieces of the puzzle together of having the business that you want, all in one place. She’s known as the queen of passive income and recurring revenue. So think, courses, memberships, subscription boxes. BUT, think about what having that as a business model gives you!
Freedom. More certainty. Not trading your time for money, Knowing the ballpark amount that’s going to be coming into your account every month. I mean...how many of you would start a business now knowing that’s possible? It absolutely is with a recurring revenue model or at least one stream of passive or semi passive income being generated.
So I’m SO excited to be partnering with her again this year on her One To Many course which is coming up SOON!
But first things first she’s running her FREE challenge from the 14th June, I talked about it last year and she's only going to be doing it once this year.
It’s called the race to recurring revenue, and over the space of a week you’re going to know with certainty if a recurring revenue model is for you.
It’s totally free and it’s NOT one of those challenges where you won’t get value from the challenge to be able to go off and start things for yourself. You absolutely will. But if you decide you want to go all in and join one to many after having a week immersed in the training then you’ll also get the opportunity to work with yours truly too.
More details on that in due course my friend!
The link to sign up to the race to recurring revenue challenge is in my bio on instagram, it’s in the shownotes and you can type out http://bit.ly/franandlisa and sign up from there and if you’re on my email list i’ll be talking about it plenty so you can’t miss it.
If you’ve ever wanted to start a business and this is speaking to you, just do the challenge. You have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain by exploring it. It can work for pretty much anyone, in any niche and it works for people with established businesses and if you don’t have your idea yet.
So let’s stop overcomplicating having the life that we really want. We only get one of them, right?! Why not TRY!
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| 28 Feb 2022 | Is It Really ‘Not Working’? | 00:10:16 | |
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Is It Really ‘Not Working’?
Is it really ‘not working’?
Firstly let’s talk about ‘it’ in this context. I’m talking about 2 things really, one is your marketing and business efforts and the other is the inner, personal development work you’re doing.
I hear SO often people come to me and say ‘It’s just not working, something has to change’ and I always find when I dig a little deeper, that there’s a common theme when it comes to something ‘not working’.
Any ideas what it might be?
You’re expecting instant results.
You’re not giving something the time it needs to ‘work’.
But there’s something a little deeper going on here too.
All your unconscious programming is what’s causing you to not give it the time it needs.
You’re LOOKING, albeit unconsciously, for things to not ‘work’. And then making it something you think is fundamentally wrong with YOU.
Does this sound at all familiar?
So the way I talk about this to clients is often to imagine yourself on an island and you want to get over to another island. It’s not my analogy but I have NO idea where I first heard it!
So you’re on this island and you start building a bridge made from wood to get over to the one you want to be on. But then you decide it might be better if you built it in brick so you start building that bridge next to it. But then you decide it might be better to build it out of stone, so you start that one. Then metal so you start that one.
And you end up with several different bridges all about the same length. But no closer to getting over to the island you want to be on.
But if you actually put all those bridges together it would stretch all the way and get you where you want to be.
If you keep building new bridges you’re never going to get where you want to go.
So have a think about what makes you quit each bridge.
What are the thoughts and feelings associated with each one?
Are you looking for the ‘quick fix’?
Are you telling yourself you’re not capable?
Is it a sneaky form of self sabotage that keeps you thinking you’re moving forwards but really you’re distracting and denying yourself the success you deserve?
So this could be jumping from course to course, strategy to strategy and not being consistent with any of it.
Feeling like you’re missing pieces of the puzzle when really you just need to take the time to implement. But you’re quick to decide it’s ‘not working’ for you.
On the other side this could be not being consistent with any of the tools you’re using for personal development and just jumping from thing to thing. Meditation, Mindfulness, journaling but not actually allowing the consistency to do all of the magic rewiring that happens.
All of these are great but you need to choose something you will stick to. That fits into your life.
When we don’t get instant gratification in the form of the results we’re wanting, it’s easy to think it’s ‘not working’.
But play that through. What could happen if you stick with it?
What could happen if you kept doing that thing?
What is the story you’re telling yourself about why you think it’s ‘not working’ for you?
Strip back the practical, I'm not seeing results yet to reveal the unconscious belief.
It’s really easy to convince yourself you’re doing all the right things, but are you really?
Are you allowing things the time they need to start paying dividends…or are you flip flopping from thing to thing and not getting anywhere.
One of the ways I see this show up is having the information you need but still chasing more, from different voices. The underlying belief might be that you think you’re ‘missing’ something that is the thing that will make it happen for you.
You don’t need more voices in your head. Trim down who you’re following and listening to and focus. Allow yourself to actually do the work.
Be honest with yourself.
Be conscious.
There may be things that don’t work for you, sure. But can you be super honest with yourself and say that you’ve done everything you can to make it work?
Are you switching again as a subconscious avoidance tactic?
So when you’ve already bought the course or paid for the mentor, make sure you do the work before you seek the same information from someone else in an attempt to find the ‘missing piece’.
The missing piece is usually the nervous system and mindset work. Get the support you need that will help you actually do the work. Make sure you have accountability and people who will lovingly call you out. Be truthful with yourself over your motivations for looking for more strategy or a new ‘hack’ or ‘trick’.
It’s all just being marketed to you because marketers know this! They know you’re looking for instant gratification. They know if you don’t get it and they market a ‘missing’ piece of the puzzle, or the thing that without paying them you just don’t know and therefore will never be successful…that you’ll buy.
But they also know you’ll find yourself in exactly the same situation after buying their stuff too.
So sense check yourself. Are you really missing a piece of the puzzle that’s going to finally get to where you want to be. Or do you just need to keep building the same bridge for a while?
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| 05 Jun 2023 | How To Not Freak Out About Being Half Way Through The Year | 00:09:30 | |
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How To Not Freak Out That We’re Half Way Through The Year
How can you stop freaking out that we’re half way through the year?
Good question my friend.
And one I've been hearing a LOT lately.
The amount of people who have said ‘OMG I can’t believe it’s June already’ this week is immense.
I get it.
But also…breathe.
It’s all too easy to look at these arbitrary made up time frames and ‘should’ on yourself.
Grab your journal and spend some time reflecting on the last 6 months, I bet you’ve achieved way more than you think you have.
Don’t just look at a list of things you told yourself you needed to do by this point in the year. Really allow yourself to take a look back at where you were in December or January.
How did you feel?
If you haven’t achieved that list yet, why not? What’s happened?
There’s zero judgement here so I invite you to offer that compassion to yourself and ask these questions in a way that is genuinely curious rather than accusatory.
There’s a BIG difference.
What happened in your life, or your loved ones, or the world that meant things that were a priority in January stopped being so.
What has been on your plate?
When you set those goals, where were they set from?
A place of them genuinely being YOUR goals and achievable in the time frame? Or was someone else in your head at that point or were you operating from a place of not feeling good enough?
It’s SO easy when it comes to goal setting to do these things. I like to think of goals as just that, things I'd LIKE to do…but allow for flexibility!
Things change. Circumstances change.
Spend some time planning the NEXT 6 months, IF you want to, challenge yourself sure, but also ask yourself, what would you be happy with achieving in the next 6 months? That’s probably less than you’ve set yourself.
I always love the quote ‘shoot for the moon, if you miss you’ll land among the stars’.
Time is a funny thing. It can feel like it’s moving extremely fast, or extremely slow. The same 6 months might feel like a whirlwind to one person and a slow wade through treacle to another.
Ask yourself what you’re proud of in the last 6 months. But don’t just focus on the tangible, financial, obvious goals.
What have you got through that was really tough?
Where did you push yourself out of your comfort zone?
Where did something happen where you allowed yourself to learn a valuable lesson?
What are you making where you’re at right now mean?
There are always going to be times of the year where it’s natural for you to feel like you’re behind where you’re meant to be, but please try to remember it’s basically a societal construct, or your own!
It doesn’t really mean anything unless you make it!
I look over the last 6 months and geeeeeeeeeeez, I’m a totally different person.
I actually didn’t set myself any tangible goals other than to take a day at a time this year because of the upheaval and change that was coming…because I set it in motion in fairness. And taking things a day at a time is something I'm getting better at all the time.
There’s new people in my life teaching me that too.
I’ve always had a tendency, as an enneagram 6, to try and prepare for every outcome. To plan, plan, plan.
And sometimes, you simply can’t.
As a qualified Mindfulness practitioner I have learned to be intentional about presence and I’m great at creating ‘moments’ of bringing myself back to the present as and when I want or need to.
But, LIVING in the present is a very different beast.
It requires conscious thought and effort.
I’m letting this year simply be a year of lessons and growth. I don’t need anything more tangible right now, and in fairness some people wait a lifetime for that in and of itself. We’re just trained to not value it as highly as material goals.
This year there’s been a huge amount of upheaval in pretty much every area of my life, which you know if you’ve been with me a while.
Which has been discombobulating to say the least. And required a HUGE identity shift. But it’s been very necessary and 100% the right thing.
But I’m certainly not feeling behind, even though on paper some people might squint their eyes and look at it that way.
In many, many ways I’m ahead.
We have such a tendency to look at certain elements, often professionally, and decide we’re behind. Or that we’re running out of time.
But we tend to ignore all the ways we’ve grown.
All the ways we’ve created big shifts.
So don’t try and ‘catch up’ with yourself, or other people. It really is pointless.
If you could just take a deep breath and look at where you’re at right here, right now without all the other ‘stuff’ you put on it.
What would you see?
What would you do?
Where might you take action?
What might you say yes to instead of no?
Get specific about where you’re feeling behind. Is it REALLY true?
What could make you feel or KNOW that you’re moving forwards?
What are you grateful for?
So if you’re one of the many people feeling like you’re behind where you ‘should’ be in June of 2023…I invite you to take a minute and try to see a different perspective.
The bottom line is, the quickest way to change how you’re feeling is to change how you’re thinking.
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| 07 Jan 2019 | 051 - How Expensive Is It In Your Comfort Zone? | 00:14:24 | |
How Expensive Is It In Your Comfort Zone?Show note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/comfort-zone For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call to see how I can help you: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/ Check out my printable journal store here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/franexcellprintables How Expensive Is It In Your Comfort Zone?
What is it actually costing you to stay in your comfy cozy comfort zone? I see so often people fearing the things outside their comfort zone in favour of saying where they’re at in life and in their business. The thing is, it’s comfortable yes…but are you happy there? What is staying there actually holding you back from and therefore costing you right now? What new things are you not trying because of it? What experiences, successes or lessons are you denying yourself by staying there? What money are you leaving on the table by staying there? What LIFE are you actually saying no to by staying there? By staying inside your comfort zone usually you are denying yourself from learning anything. Your brain craves learning and growth, it’s genuinely one of the best things that keeps your mind young too. You create new neural pathways through learning.
Without Going Outside Your Comfort Zone You’re Literally Keeping Yourself Exactly Where You Are.Progression doesn’t happen by keeping things exactly the same. Productivity really isn’t helped by comfort either. It’s very easy to not push yourself in the absence of any sort of need or deadline of any kind. Nothing to drive or motivate you. So, which is preferable? Getting outside your comfort zone and growing as a person and potentially making lots of money and having awesome experiences because of ALL the action taking you’re doing…or staying exactly where you are? Where you are might be great. You might be happy there, which is awesome. BUT…if you’re not, if you know or even think you could have, be and do MORE then it’s time to decide to do something about it. Can you think of a time where you’ve pushed yourself outside your comfort zone and great things have happened? When you’ve been SO pleased you actually did it? How did it feel? That instant growth, that instant sense of achievement, the boost in confidence and rush of adrenaline. (Insert prayer hand emojis right here!)
It’s A HabitSo, you’ve formed a little habit of not taking chances, of not doing the scary things. You’ve reinforced it to your brain that it’s better to stay there every time that now it’s just habitual and subconscious. But when you START to CONSCIOUSLY push yourself, even a little bit in baby pigeon steps it becomes easier and easier every time. Trust me I know! I used to be the epitome of ‘Mrs Frady Pants’. I wouldn’t do anything outside my comfort zone at all, there were times I would miss massive opportunities purely because I didn’t want to do something on my own, and let me tell you it and I was miserable. I was consistently just reinforcing the belief that I wasn’t good enough. That everyone would be judging me. That I couldn’t do the things I wanted to every moment I didn’t take the action. Not taking action outside your comfort zone drags you deeper and deeper into listening to that self doubt gremlin You sit there and just wait for things to happen, annoyed with your lot wondering why things don’t change! Preparation Is Key!The other thing that can happen is that when you CHOOSE to put yourself outside your comfort zone intentionally and consciously, it better prepares you for those moments in life when it isn’t actually your choice to. It helps you deal with unwanted or unknown situations much better and helps to build up your resilience to uncertain situations making them much less traumatic when they do occur.
Why Don’t We Do It Then?So why when we know in our guts that it’s so much better for us, and all the good stuff is waiting just outside of our comfort zones, why is it so damn hard to get out of? Because your brain thinks it’s safe there! The mind will do what it thinks is best for you and what it thinks you want so you need to tell it otherwise. And that often comes with simply making a decision and going for it. Then the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Tools I UseBut you have to make a conscious decision to change that habit and form a new one. Mel Robbins 5 second rule is my absolute favourite tool for this. You simply count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move. It wakes up all the right areas of the brain associated with forming new habits and once you’re up…you’re up and moving and it gets easier every time! I use this tool ALL the time. It comes in REALLY handy for all those things you don’t really want to do (Yes exercise, I’m looking at you!) The other is simply ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ knowing and trusting that the confidence and growth comes from the DOING, you just have to give yourself a little nudge.
Now What?So, with this newfound ability to take action and push yourself you do it again, and again, and again, take action after action after action. Think about what that could give you right now! What have you been holding yourself back from? What have you not invested in because it was outside of your comfort zone, or you knew you’d inevitably have to get outside of it by investing? What opportunities have you missed? What people have you not met or worked with? What events have you not gone to? How much money have you left on the table? Where could you be this time next year if you just took just a few steps that felt uncomfortable to begin with, but then meant you grew in confidence, took action and ultimately stopped costing yourself the things you currently are. Marinate in that little vision for a moment! It’s time to get comfortably uncomfortable and stop costing yourself so much! If you know that now is the time to start finally changing things for yourself and want to explore this further then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below and I hope to see you on the inside. Fx | |||
| 19 Nov 2018 | 045 - Where Are You Not Taking Action? | 00:13:12 | |
Where are you not taking action?Show note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/action/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Where are you not taking action?Are you taking action towards the things you want?
So often I see people up to the eyeballs in strategy, but not doing anything with it.
You know what to do….you’re just not doing it!
You can tie yourself up in knots trying to be in all the places or doing all the busy tasks that make you THINK you’re taking action but there’s usually a pesky little gremlin or two hiding behind the reason you’re not actually taking action on those things that you know would make a difference to where you are right now.
You need to work out what those gremlins are or you’re going to continue to stay stuck and not moving forward.
So where in your business (or your life!) are you not taking the action you know you want and/or need to right now?
What are you holding yourself back from?
Do you spend more time thinking about, talking about and planning something rather than actually doing the thing?
When we do this (and we’ve all done it at some point i’m sure!) we have a tendency to hide behind all these ‘practical’ reasons that we can’t do something that do a very good job at making it believable to us that it’s true, that we really can’t do it.
But they really aren’t legitimate reasons the majority of the time. They’re just your own excuses.
So what is your main excuse? Is it time? Money? Not feeling ready? Too busy? Family? Waiting ‘until’?
We ALL do this at some point, it’s SO easy to get caught up in it and I have to call myself out on my own excuses ALL the time.
Recently I was telling myself I couldn’t run a live event because of time, having connections at the right venues to get a good deal (venues in London are PRICEY!), having the time to negotiate a good deal….ALL sorts of excuses!!
It could have kept me stuck but I know myself well enough to call myself out on my own BS and know that it’s just one of those pesky inevitable mindset gremlins because it’s new, outside my comfort zone and I was feeling overwhelmed looking at the big picture.
Yep I do it too! But not for long. I asked myself, what are my resources and is any of this stuff I’m telling myself REALLY true?
Guess what the answer was….a big fat no and reminded myself that one of my favourite people in the world owns her own events company in London ha!
Now my first event, which has been a dream of mine for a long time, is in the process of getting sorted right now (Positive Pants Planning Live in London on the 5th January in case you’re wondering!)
But the difference here is I called and continue to call myself out on my own rubbish AND I pulled on my resources and asked for help.
You get to choose for it to be easier, or harder.
I choose easier...sometimes it takes me a moment but I get there in the end.
We all too often get caught up in the excuses or not wanting to bother people and ALL THE THOUGHTS and all the ‘what ifs’ that we end up just doing nothing and staying where we’re at.
Remember you really don’t have to do everything on your own. There are SO many things that can stop us from taking action and we get to make that choice.
Underneath it all, fear is the main thing I see getting in people’s way, really at the crux of everything we’re afraid of something.
Whether that’s success, failure, judgement, what having it brings into or takes out of our lives. SO many things.
And the good news...this is VERY sortable.
The irony is the best way to get over your fear, is to do the thing you’re fearing!
If you can identify what the fear actually is behind it and what assumptions you’re making about what will happen when you do it you can start to challenge it. Which is THE most powerful thing you can do.
So what is it stopping you right now? What negative thing do you think doing the thing you’re putting off could bring into your life?
The bigger question is, do you even REALLY want it? Are you building something someone told you you ‘should’ want or do you feel like you ‘should’ want it but deep down you really don’t?
All really key questions to ask yourself.
Identify WHERE in your business you’re not taking the action and take it from there.
The tasks that fill you with dread, or the task that always seem to end up at the bottom of the to do list even though you KNOW they would make a difference to your business. The tasks you’re making excuses for not doing but continue to niggle at the back of your brain. What are they?
What small thing could you do on these tasks today, right now, that would push you closer to your goal?
Every one of these put together will help you grow in confidence, calm down the fear centre of your brain and allow you to take more and more action and finally hit your goal!
When you picture your ideal business a year, or 5 years from now, what ‘thing’ is already done? Is it a book you want to write? Your own podcast? Being featured in national press? Speaking gigs?
I want you to really have a think about where you’re making excuses to not do things and challenge yourself on if they’re really true.
The fear and frustration with yourself for not taking action won’t go away until...guess what...you take action.
Think about the end game.
What’s the best and worst that can happen if you do it, what’s the best and worst that will happen if you don’t do it?! Two of my favourite questions to get me into action, I hope you use them.
Connect to that vision of yourself in the future when it’s done, how do you feel? How much more head space do you have? What are you doing? Are you happier there?
If you are then let’s get going and do the thing! Deep breath and GO!
I’m always here to help. If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below and I hope to see you on the inside.
Fx | |||
| 21 Jan 2019 | 053 - Why Does It Always Feel So Hard Making A Change | 00:12:26 | |
Why Does It Always Feel So Hard Making A Change Show note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/why-does-it-always-feel-hard-making-a-change For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call to see how I can help you: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/ Check out my printable journal store here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/franexcellprintables Why it always feels so hard making a change
Ever tried to make a change or do something new and it feels so hard that you wonder why you’re bothering?
Wondering why other people make the same thing look totally effortless and yet for you...it’s like you’re constantly fighting a losing battle with yourself?
Annoying isn’t it!
You feel oh so very aware of all the things you’re doing wrong that you wonder why you started in the first place.
Basically it feels like a horrible up and down roller coaster type of thing.
Don’t worry, you’re not bonkers.
There are 4 very real and universal stages to learning. Otherwise known as the ‘four stages of competence’ or literally the ‘4 stages of learning’.
Now competence in itself can trigger negative emotions of feeling ‘incompetent’ but please leave all that at the door...because you don’t know what you don’t know!
Which is the first stage.
Unconscious Incompetence. Literally, you don’t know what you don’t know, so you get to live in a lovely blissful little bubble where at this point you have no idea how much you don’t know, or that it’s even necessary for you to know.
You don’t feel overwhelmed, you’re kind of just OK in your lack of knowledge. Because really, why wouldn’t you be?!
The next stage is when it starts to get a bit more icky and WAY outside your comfort zone. CONSCIOUS incompetence.
Here you can be overwhelmed, frustrated, letting in all the self talk about your skill...or lack thereof and you can get really judgy with yourself.
This is the stage where if you’re not really motivated or determined you could very easily just quit. You’ll probably make mistakes (which are a necessary part of the process so you learn what does and doesn’t work). You can lose confidence. It feels hard. It feels yuck. Like you’re never going to be able to do the thing or get to where you want to be. You’re so incredibly aware that you don’t have the skill or know the information yet.
Now, when you know this is where you’re at you can see how easy it could be to reassure yourself that you won’t stay in this stage forever, so the negative self talk gets a little quieter.
Be really kind to yourself in this stage and be positive. It’s so worth it in the end.The uncomfortable feeling means you’re GROWING...it’s a GOOD thing!
The next stage is Conscious competence.
Here you know your stuff, but it’s still a conscious effort to do it. You’re gaining more and more confidence but you still need to consciously remind yourself and run through the process. You need to practice essentially, and there is still a level of ‘effort’ involved. Still a thought process you have to take yourself through to remind you of the steps.
The final stage that you go into is UNCONSCIOUS competence.
So this is where it gets really cool. You now know the behaviour SO well you do it unconsciously. You’ve created a new habit and you don’t need to even think about it anymore. It’s natural.
BUT the beauty of knowing this process is THAT you know this process...you know what’s coming. You know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel to get you through the conscious incompetence. You get to look forward to the last stage knowing that it will soon become second nature.
The reason I want you to know this is that we can all feel overwhelmed, like we’re not good enough. Like we shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing but when you can accept that you’re new to this, you’re learning and you’re growing and that’s a GREAT thing then you can be kinder to yourself. Not listen to that nasty, mean little gremlin in your head telling you you aren’t good enough.
You will go through these stages in everything you learn. There will always be a stage where you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. But if you stick with it, there will always be the stage where you’re so good at it it’s completely effortless.
Have a think about any times in your life this has been true. Easy peasy example is driving but there will be countless others where you can clearly see each of these stages.
Remember, nobody ever said it would be easy...but it’s worth it!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx | |||
| 18 Nov 2019 | 096 - What's The Problem REALLY? | 00:15:14 | |
What's the problem, really!?
What’s the ACTUAL problem stopping you being where you want to be right now, hmm?
This is a subject that has been coming up a LOT recently with clients.
Where we can often ‘assume’ something is the issue holding us back, when in fact it’s something completely different.
When I read the intake forms for the lovely ladies who work with me and what they want the subject of their call to be, it often very quickly becomes clear that what they THINK is the problem, isn’t really a problem for them at all and it’s something completely different...and often a potentially easy sort!
But it’s SO important to work out what it is or you’ll stay stuck in a constant loop and not moving forward.
When the problem is run from unconscious programming or thoughts and beliefs...how can you expect to see it unless you’re really looking and asking the right questions?
It’s a fact and ‘just the way it is’ for you when it’s unconscious.
But, that is VERY rarely the case that it’s fixed.
What label are you using?
We like to ‘label’ things and label things that we perceive to be ‘wrong’ with us, reasons or excuses for why we aren’t where we want to be yet that are often outside of us.
Even labelling something a ‘problem’ makes us feel better because it’s something we can attach to.
But, what if we saw it differently?
What if we stopped calling them ‘problems’ all together?
Even simply changing the language can shift the way we look at it.
What if they were just obstacles?
Or even just ‘questions’ to be answered?
It makes it a little less emotionally charged and gives us some power back, right?
One of my favourite words to use personally is ‘quandary’, sounds totally solvable (and weirdly fun, it’s a bloomin great word!), nothing that requires emotion or labelling as such...just something that requires some lateral thinking to find the way forward.
It sounds far less ‘permanent’ than a problem.
It’s all part of the journey
But, this is all part of the journey to achieving big things in life.
We want these things solved NOW, instant gratification, but unfortunately the majority of the time it really doesn’t work like that.
But, it CAN often be a lot more simple than we think.
So, here’s the thing.
There are several key ‘problems’ that I see time and time again and often it can be just a tweak in thinking that’s required to get you moving again.
First up, ‘I have a problem with my strategy’
We can often think we have a ‘strategy’ problem where we get stuck in a loop trying to find ‘THE’ way to start making things happen.
This is where good old shiny object syndrome can set in and keeps us in a perpetual loop of looking for the ‘one’ thing that’s actually going to work for us, but actually we end up jumping from strategy to strategy and not actually implementing anything for long enough to let it work.
Sometimes it IS a strategy problem but...You guessed it, often it’s really not a strategy problem at all.
You can know all the things, but you’re still not doing them...and that’s not strategy.
So what is it then?
This is where the mindset piece comes in, and needing to work out WHY you aren’t doing the thing that you already know how to do.
What unconscious programming, thoughts and beliefs are stopping you taking action?
What is it that’s REALLY holding you back?
So this could actually be a mindset problem masquerading as a strategy problem.
Then next up is the ‘I have a mindset problem’.
Procrastinating, stuck in overwhelm and not taking action because there’s just TOO MANY THINGS leaving you frozen and crippled with a lack of confidence and self doubt.
But do you REALLY have a mindset problem?
Maybe you do ...or, could it potentially be some simple tweaks to your productivity that will get you out of that overwhelm, procrastination and ‘I don’t have time’ zone?
The amount of times I get people booking in with me about a money mindset issue or overwhelm or procrastination and in an hour we’ve gone through some game changing (and simple!) productivity tweaks that have just given them HOURS back in their day and you see the weight visibly lift.
But I also get to see the lightbulb of confidence, belief in themselves and that ‘oomph’that they thought had gone visibly return.
You don’t know what you don’t know at the end of the day, right?!
If you don’t LOOK for a better way how can you know there is one?
So here we have the ‘productivity problem’ masquerading as a mindset problem!
Sheesh, this stuff is confusing right?!
Next up we have the ‘I have a Mindset problem’...and i’m always busy and tired and I'm feeling down and I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
Now the first important thing to be said here on this one is that it’s always a good idea to speak to your GP and/or a therapist/counsellor to make sure there’s nothing else more sinister going on.
Looking after your mental health is so important and it’s ALWAYS worth speaking to a professional who can help and check the necessary things that need to be checked.
BUT, on the subject of this one, when you think there’s a mindset problem and you’re always feeling tired and unproductive, could it be a tweak in lifestyle that could be of benefit and be the difference that makes a difference?
This has certainly been the case for me in the past and if I start to feel a little ‘off’ and can’t put my finger on why then I have a look at a few key things that make a HUGE difference for me.
Are you getting enough sleep? Sleep is SO important for your mindset and your health as a whole and it is very easily de-prioritised, especially by people who advocate the ‘hustle’ mentality to entrepreneurship.
I have a hard and fast rule of 8 hours sleep. If it’s really not possible for whatever reason, then I FEEL it. In my productivity levels but also my mood and my memory...and ability to string a sentence together ha!
Are you prioritising self care? You can’t pour from an empty cup and as business owners it’s easy for this stuff to get overlooked, again, especially if you’re operating from the ‘hustle’ mentality. What can you do to make sure you’re looking after yourself and making sure you take time to relax?
Again, if I notice a dip in my mood and I can't really work out why then I ask myself this question ...then i’ll go run a bubble bath and take my meditation apps with me for an hour. I will MAKE time for it. So what is self care for you?
Are you drinking enough water? Sounds SO simple but it has a HUGE affect on mood, memory, focus and TONNES of other things. It’s not to be ignored!
Are you eating a good balanced diet or reaching for the junk because it’s easier and it’s 10pm and you ‘forgot’ to eat.
This is my battle and has been since I was about 14 years old and something I’m constantly working on. But I know my triggers and I also know how much of an effect what I eat has on my productivity and mood. If I have a big lunch then the afternoon is often a write off in terms of getting stuff done. However, if I have a light lunch then I have MORE energy and get MORE done.
The trick is to notice what certain foods or certain meals do for you in these areas.
You wouldn’t naturally think that a potential antidote to a lack of productivity and procrastination could be as simple as what you eat and drink...so it’s something you have to consciously look for.
So here we have a potential ‘physiological problem’ masquerading as a mindset problem.
Yikes! So how do you know which is which?
Well, you can find out for yourself through trial and error and asking the right questions, self coaching, reading the right books, creating awareness for yourself and being curious about what’s potentially going on.
You can speak to people doing what you’re doing and see if they’ve noticed any patterns in you.
This could be membership groups or masterminds that you’re currently in. Friends and family, biz besties.
Or, you can work with a professional to get to the bottom of it.
Whether that's your GP, a coach or mentor in any of these areas. Just someone who knows what they’re looking for and can help you shine a light on it.
We all like to ‘self-diagnose’ and it’s easily done but you can waste valuable time and energy focusing on the wrong thing by ‘assuming’ you know what the cause is.
Remember the majority of this is UNCONSCIOUS. You don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s time to stop beating ourselves up for all these ‘problems’ that are part and parcel of doing this on your own. Having this level of awareness isn’t the ‘norm’ for most people...but you’re not most people!
Just know this, whatever the ‘problem’ is, it’s changeable, which is the fun part!
You’re never as stuck as you think you are as long as you ask the right questions.
So get curious, use your journal to map some of these things out on a weekly basis so you can see the common patterns and start asking yourself the right questions...or book in a discovery call with me ha!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
Fx What’s the ACTUAL problem stopping you being where you want to be right now, hmm?
This is a subject that has been coming up a LOT recently with clients.
Where we can often ‘assume’ something is the issue holding us back, when in fact it’s something completely different.
When I read the intake forms for the lovely ladies who work with me and what they want the subject of their call to be, it often very quickly becomes clear that what they THINK is the problem, isn’t really a problem for them at all and it’s something completely different...and often a potentially easy sort!
But it’s SO important to work out what it is or you’ll stay stuck in a constant loop and not moving forward.
When the problem is run from unconscious programming or thoughts and beliefs...how can you expect to see it unless you’re really looking and asking the right questions?
It’s a fact and ‘just the way it is’ for you when it’s unconscious.
But, that is VERY rarely the case that it’s fixed.
What label are you using?
We like to ‘label’ things and label things that we perceive to be ‘wrong’ with us, reasons or excuses for why we aren’t where we want to be yet that are often outside of us.
Even labelling something a ‘problem’ makes us feel better because it’s something we can attach to.
But, what if we saw it differently?
What if we stopped calling them ‘problems’ all together?
Even simply changing the language can shift the way we look at it.
What if they were just obstacles?
Or even just ‘questions’ to be answered?
It makes it a little less emotionally charged and gives us some power back, right?
One of my favourite words to use personally is ‘quandary’, sounds totally solvable (and weirdly fun, it’s a bloomin great word!), nothing that requires emotion or labelling as such...just something that requires some lateral thinking to find the way forward.
It sounds far less ‘permanent’ than a problem.
It’s all part of the journey
But, this is all part of the journey to achieving big things in life.
We want these things solved NOW, instant gratification, but unfortunately the majority of the time it really doesn’t work like that.
But, it CAN often be a lot more simple than we think.
So, here’s the thing.
There are several key ‘problems’ that I see time and time again and often it can be just a tweak in thinking that’s required to get you moving again.
First up, ‘I have a problem with my strategy’
We can often think we have a ‘strategy’ problem where we get stuck in a loop trying to find ‘THE’ way to start making things happen.
This is where good old shiny object syndrome can set in and keeps us in a perpetual loop of looking for the ‘one’ thing that’s actually going to work for us, but actually we end up jumping from strategy to strategy and not actually implementing anything for long enough to let it work.
Sometimes it IS a strategy problem but...You guessed it, often it’s really not a strategy problem at all.
You can know all the things, but you’re still not doing them...and that’s not strategy.
So what is it then?
This is where the mindset piece comes in, and needing to work out WHY you aren’t doing the thing that you already know how to do.
What unconscious programming, thoughts and beliefs are stopping you taking action?
What is it that’s REALLY holding you back?
So this could actually be a mindset problem masquerading as a strategy problem.
Then next up is the ‘I have a mindset problem’.
Procrastinating, stuck in overwhelm and not taking action because there’s just TOO MANY THINGS leaving you frozen and crippled with a lack of confidence and self doubt.
But do you REALLY have a mindset problem?
Maybe you do ...or, could it potentially be some simple tweaks to your productivity that will get you out of that overwhelm, procrastination and ‘I don’t have time’ zone?
The amount of times I get people booking in with me about a money mindset issue or overwhelm or procrastination and in an hour we’ve gone through some game changing (and simple!) productivity tweaks that have just given them HOURS back in their day and you see the weight visibly lift.
But I also get to see the lightbulb of confidence, belief in themselves and that ‘oomph’that they thought had gone visibly return.
You don’t know what you don’t know at the end of the day, right?!
If you don’t LOOK for a better way how can you know there is one?
So here we have the ‘productivity problem’ masquerading as a mindset problem!
Sheesh, this stuff is confusing right?!
Next up we have the ‘I have a Mindset problem’...and i’m always busy and tired and I'm feeling down and I don’t know what’s wrong with me!
Now the first important thing to be said here on this one is that it’s always a good idea to speak to your GP and/or a therapist/counsellor to make sure there’s nothing else more sinister going on.
Looking after your mental health is so important and it’s ALWAYS worth speaking to a professional who can help and check the necessary things that need to be checked.
BUT, on the subject of this one, when you think there’s a mindset problem and you’re always feeling tired and unproductive, could it be a tweak in lifestyle that could be of benefit and be the difference that makes a difference?
This has certainly been the case for me in the past and if I start to feel a little ‘off’ and can’t put my finger on why then I have a look at a few key things that make a HUGE difference for me.
Are you getting enough sleep? Sleep is SO important for your mindset and your health as a whole and it is very easily de-prioritised, especially by people who advocate the ‘hustle’ mentality to entrepreneurship.
I have a hard and fast rule of 8 hours sleep. If it’s really not possible for whatever reason, then I FEEL it. In my productivity levels but also my mood and my memory...and ability to string a sentence together ha!
Are you prioritising self care? You can’t pour from an empty cup and as business owners it’s easy for this stuff to get overlooked, again, especially if you’re operating from the ‘hustle’ mentality. What can you do to make sure you’re looking after yourself and making sure you take time to relax?
Again, if I notice a dip in my mood and I can't really work out why then I ask myself this question ...then i’ll go run a bubble bath and take my meditation apps with me for an hour. I will MAKE time for it. So what is self care for you?
Are you drinking enough water? Sounds SO simple but it has a HUGE affect on mood, memory, focus and TONNES of other things. It’s not to be ignored!
Are you eating a good balanced diet or reaching for the junk because it’s easier and it’s 10pm and you ‘forgot’ to eat.
This is my battle and has been since I was about 14 years old and something I’m constantly working on. But I know my triggers and I also know how much of an effect what I eat has on my productivity and mood. If I have a big lunch then the afternoon is often a write off in terms of getting stuff done. However, if I have a light lunch then I have MORE energy and get MORE done.
The trick is to notice what certain foods or certain meals do for you in these areas.
You wouldn’t naturally think that a potential antidote to a lack of productivity and procrastination could be as simple as what you eat and drink...so it’s something you have to consciously look for.
So here we have a potential ‘physiological problem’ masquerading as a mindset problem.
Yikes! So how do you know which is which?
Well, you can find out for yourself through trial and error and asking the right questions, self coaching, reading the right books, creating awareness for yourself and being curious about what’s potentially going on.
You can speak to people doing what you’re doing and see if they’ve noticed any patterns in you.
This could be membership groups or masterminds that you’re currently in. Friends and family, biz besties.
Or, you can work with a professional to get to the bottom of it.
Whether that's your GP, a coach or mentor in any of these areas. Just someone who knows what they’re looking for and can help you shine a light on it.
We all like to ‘self-diagnose’ and it’s easily done but you can waste valuable time and energy focusing on the wrong thing by ‘assuming’ you know what the cause is.
Remember the majority of this is UNCONSCIOUS. You don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s time to stop beating ourselves up for all these ‘problems’ that are part and parcel of doing this on your own. Having this level of awareness isn’t the ‘norm’ for most people...but you’re not most people!
Just know this, whatever the ‘problem’ is, it’s changeable, which is the fun part!
You’re never as stuck as you think you are as long as you ask the right questions.
So get curious, use your journal to map some of these things out on a weekly basis so you can see the common patterns and start asking yourself the right questions...or book in a discovery call with me ha!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
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| 04 Jun 2018 | 021 - Why Multitasking Is Bad For Your Brain | 00:12:55 | |
Why Multitasking Is Bad…And Why You Don’t Have Time For It!Do you wear your ability to multitask as a badge of honour? But yet always feel a little bit like you’re spinning your wheels and not getting enough done? You may be surprised to hear that it’s actually bad for your brain in the short term and even your health in the long run and makes tasks take LONGER than they should. You literally get LESS done when you multitask! Yep…productivity goes down by around 40%!! You’re Not Even ‘Multitasking’You’re actually not even multi tasking at all, you’re constantly context switching which means it will take the brain some time to catch up, each and every time you switch between different tasks. Your short term memory can only hold so much (around 5-9 things) so that feeling of knowing you were ‘just about to do something’ and not having a clue what it was is often because you’re giving your brain too much to deal with at once and it gets sensory overload. Ever tried to read a book ad watch TV at the same time? Or listen to an audio book while checking facebook? And yet you can’t remember anything that you just read or saw? Yeah…that! It also stops you getting into flow (that moment where you’re on a roll and time seems to whizz by because you’re so in the zone!) which means it takes up SO much more brain energy, and you only have so much in a day so it needs to be used wisely, it’s a precious commodity you know! The annoying thing is however…that our brains actually reward us for doing this!! It gives us a little hit of Dopamine every time we send an email or complete a task but it actively stops us getting the big stuff done because we’re focusing on all the little irrelevant tasks. So you HAVE to be aware of this in order to stop yourself doing it. You will need to have some discipline.
You Lack FocusThe conscious brain can only focus on one thing at a time without compromising what we’re working on. It’s a myth that as women we’re GREAT multitaskers. Yes we are to an extent…BUT that really doesn’t mean it’s good for us or that we ‘should’ do it unless we really have to. A Harvard Study on multitasking showed that students IQ reduced to the level of an 8 year old! It literally makes you less intelligent. Multi tasking can reduce our IQ by 15 points.
Multi Tasking Is STRESSFUL!You will be pumping cortisol (the stress hormone) through your body which has a detrimental effect on your health in the long term (depression, weight gain, decreased heart health, increased blood pressure…you know, the small stuff!). So multitasking is literally bad for your health. Plus it’s really mentally exhausting.
You’re More Mindless Than MindfulYou stop noticing what’s going on around you. Mindfulness is the antidote to mindlessness. Mindlessness is doing things without even really paying attention, like social media etc. It’s also a great stress buster so the less you’re being mindful, the less attention you’re giving to what’s going on around you the more stressed you’ll feel and the less detail you’ll see so things can and will get missed because you’re not concentrating. You also literally start missing out on life because your attention is everywhere else.
It Causes MistakesYour brain has a finite amount of attention to give to one task. When you’re not concentrating that’s when mistakes will happen. But you’re not paying enough attention so you won’t even notice. And when you do, you’ll be frustrated and then spend even MORE time correcting it. So, it actually slows you down. Tasks take MORE time when you’re trying to do multiple things.
HERE ARE A FEW HELPFUL THINGS YOU CAN DO TO STOP MULTITASKING AND ACTUALLY GET STUFF DONE!Eliminate Distractions.Ok you’re not going to like me for this one to start with it but you’ll thank me in the long run. Turn OFF your phone’s notifications. Set them to do not disturb. Even if you tell yourself you won’t look at them, when you see them the damage has already been done. It will be in the back of your mind and you will be DESPERATE to check them RIGHT NOW…so your mind is elsewhere…do you see how this doesn’t help? I have certain times that my phone is set to do not disturb specifically for this reason. Shut down your tabs. Only have the tabs open on your computer that are actually necessary for the task at hand or you WILL flit between them. Email is SUCH a time suck but if you set certain times of the day to check and respond you will feel so much more productive and in control. If you need to buy some time put an autoresponder that anyone who sends you an email will receive and then buy yourself some time. ‘Hey, thanks for getting in touch. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible’ or anything along those lines, even put a time limit on it if you like ‘within 24 hours’ to buy yourself that time, peace of mind and permission to not check every 5 seconds.
Schedule Your Time InYou can use the example i’ve just mentioned regarding your emails but you can do this with every area of your business and your life. Schedule in time for your social media, time for your content creation, time for responding to notifications. You’ll soon find how much more efficient and in control you feel. Ask loved ones for peace and quiet at these particular times too and let them know what you’re up to. They’ll be much less likely to interrupt if they know that if they don’t you will be finished sooner!
Try Batching Instead!Batching is my best friend, but it’s also our brains best friend too. You can do this two ways. One batch the same task and do several of the same thing so you ‘get ahead’ of yourself. But you can also batch similar tasks together because you won’t be context switching as much and your brain will love you for it. I’m a BIG batcher, I do it as much as I can. I batch my Instagram, my social posts, my emails, my blogs all sorts! You name it i’ll try and batch it. I’ll batch things in my personal life too. If I have errands to run i’ll batch them into a particular time slot and get them all done at once. It’s a GREAT way to create more time in your life and gives you lots of headspace back too. All of this is just a simple shift in awareness and how you’re thinking to help you become more efficient, feel less overwhelmed, less stressed and be more productive. Let go of the myth of being great at multitasking and say hello to new levels of getting stuff done! For more information on this topic head over to https://www.franexcell.com/multitasking/
To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
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| 07 Mar 2022 | What Can I Do When Things Feel So Heavy? | 00:10:50 | |
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What Can I Do When Things Feel So Heavy?
I’ve had conversations with so many people recently when they’re saying, ‘What can I do when things feel so heavy?’
First, we of course have to acknowledge that what’s going on in Ukraine is absolutely devastating. Many of us feel like we’re watching on, helpless.
It feels heavy.
Particularly if you’re a highly sensitive person or highly empathic.
I know it’s definitely shown up for me over the last week.
So let’s first of all just try to meet each other in our human-ness.
No one’s going to get it ‘right’ and please everybody. It’s not possible. So first let’s try and acknowledge that the vast majority of people are probably trying their best.
When there’s big, heavy feelings involved it can be tricky.
It might feel like confusion. A stuckness. Not knowing what to do.
You might feel like you want to lash out (fight mode). You might want to just hide away (freeze mode). You might want to just busy yourself with other things (flight mode)
There are a lot of physiological things that can happen for people when big feelings are present.
You don’t know anyone else’s history, trauma responses and strategies or ways of trying to handle things so please try not to judge other people in times like this.
We all handle big, heavy emotions differently based on our own individual physiology. It may have been safe for you as a child to feel and express big emotions. It may have been incredibly unsafe for you.
There’s no judgement to be made either way. A big majority of people fall into the camp of not being able to express big feelings. So they suppress them. Most of us were taught by society, family, teachers, maybe even friends that emotions are weak. That they are inconvenient. That they are negative things and you shouldn’t have them, let alone express them.
So no wonder so many people are feeling overwhelmed and shut down. But we don’t need to add our judgements onto that too.
You might be feeling deep sadness right now. You might be terrified about what this means for the future.
You might be feeling guilty because you don’t know how to support.
There are a whole host of beautiful messy emotions that might be going on for you right now. And that can feel very heavy and draining.
It’s really not my place to tell you what to do or not to do in this situation, I can’t! I’m figuring it out for myself too. It’s hard to know which way to turn and what is actually the most helpful thing to do. I started with a quick google search in my local area and I found a treasure trove of people who were sending all sorts of helpful things that people need the most right now. Air bnb have waived all their fees for people in Ukraine so that’s a way to get money directly into the hands of families and individuals who are there right now. There’s people shopping on Etsy and searching for businesses based in Ukraine and you can buy products and message them that you don’t expect it to be sent, or simply buy digital products. These are some of the things I'm doing, what you feel called to do may be totally different. Do what’s right for you.
But, even though I can’t tell you the ‘right’ thing to do in terms of how you can support people in Ukraine, I CAN absolutely tell you how I'm supporting myself through these heavy feelings and try to help you make sense of some of the thoughts and feelings. That IS my area of expertise.
I’m doing more of what makes me feel good. The old faithfuls.
For me that looks like nature, movement, Heartmath, using my Sensate more, using my breath.
I’m taking extra time to notice what’s going on for me. Is my breath shallow, am I holding tension in my body?
I’m taking time to read.
My gratitude practice is amped up.
I’m really listening to what my mind and my body needs and not judging that.
I’m allowing the feelings to be there. I’m naming them. I’m finding where I feel them in my body and not trying to suppress them in any way.
I’m taking extra time and effort to reach out to and speak to or see the people I love.
I’m allowing myself to be quiet when I want and need to.
This weird idea that’s out there that you should have it together all the time drives me nuts. The idea that ANYONE has it together all the time. It’s an unachievable ideal. We have to learn to let go of it. It’s not realistic. It doesn’t matter how much you know about the mind, you are first and foremost a human being and we are emotional beings.
The idea that you should just instinctively know exactly what to do in a situation like this…let it go!
Judgement of yourself and others around how they handle this situation…let it go!
Do what YOU feel is right based on YOUR situation. Remember there’s always another way to look at things and you have zero control over how someone decides to see what you do. Zero.
To one person seeing someone selling something and sending all profits to charities supporting Ukraine I've seen people say it’s performative and greedy.
I’ve seen others fight back and say the exact same thing is generous and kind.
Not everyone is going to agree. It’s totally unavoidable. There are so many variables.
We can’t control what other people think of us. So please try to have compassion for yourself for not knowing all the answers. For not having it all together all the time.
So if you’re feeling heavy right now, I’m with you. Allow yourself to feel those beautiful feelings. Take it as softly or slowly as you need to. Allow yourself to be a human.
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| 13 Apr 2020 | Replay Series: Why Reframing Is Your Best Friend Right Now! | 00:17:28 | |
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/ Reframing is one of my absolute favourite tools and something I use every day.
My ability to use this in any situation allows me to take an important step back from any initial emotion and see a situation for what it really is....or what it COULD be if I choose it or allow it to be.
Right now this ability is going to be your best friend. Things may be occurring in your life or to loved ones that are out of your control and feel like the end of everything. I know, I've been there.
This is one of the very reasons i'm starting my new bonus interview series with amazing business owners I know who have gone through, what at the time felt like the end of the world to come out bigger, better, stronger and happier in the the process. They all have this ability.
To not let their initial reaction to something be the be all and end all of how they see it. It's about thinking differently. It's about problem solving and it's about optimism. It's challenging their own thoughts and beliefs to make something work for them...no matter how negative it may feel at the time.
I hope you enjoy!
Original post on Reframing HERE | |||
| 19 Dec 2022 | Time To Look At Your Progress Differently, There's A Shift Coming! | 00:15:10 | |
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Time to look at progress differently, There’s A Shift Coming!
It’s time to look at progress, success and what happiness in your business truly looks like, differently.
There’s a shift coming and I'm SO here for it!
I’ve been banging this drum for a very long time now and if you’ve been listening for any amount of time you’ll hopefully know that I do not subscribe to the crazy ‘guru’ marketers and ‘celebrity’ coaches out there’s depiction of what success and progress really looks like and I find it incredibly problematic and toxic.
Whether that’s in business, careers, weight loss, personal growth and healing…anything!
The idea of overnight success, click your fingers and it’s done and the very concept of what that success actually looks like, or ‘should’ look like.
It becomes the very thing that keeps people trapped in a cycle of feeling worse and worse when they don’t get the unicorn results.
People are waking up and wising up to it and I for one am ELATED about that.
So many people come into starting their own business purely because they want more flexibility in their lives.
Which is actually easier to achieve when you’re going for what were your original goals in the first place. Often to replace a salary or a bit more.
Then they’re sold the ‘six figures in six months’ idea and the concept of seven, or even eight figure businesses now without taking into account any real version of what it took to get them there and the original goal seems like you’re ‘playing small’.
Or the idea that they are completely healed (impossible by the way, growth IS the human experience, the work is never done and that’s a beautiful thing!) and they can show you the exact steps to do the same thing yourself.
We don’t actually know if they’re really ‘there’ at all.
We never hear the nuance of their personal circumstances and privilege.
We don’t know the nuance of any healing they had to go through to get there or how long that took.
We don’t know the full story of any of it.
But we benchmark ourselves against it!
Or, we have done for far too long and people are more clued up and are asking themselves better questions.
And nothing could make me happier.
The bottom line is your identity has to catch up before something shows up in your reality.
Without doing the inner work and having a deep look into the self awareness piece of the puzzle you’ll hit barriers every step of the way because your brain and nervous system WILL put them there.
Having what you want has to feel SAFE in your nervous system, if it doesn’t then self sabotage ahoy!
Last week I was oop North in Blackpool for the wrap up of The Mentorship. The high level 6 month programme that I run with Dawni Baxter and Abi Hugo.
I’m amazed I didn’t cry when we were going round the table talking about results, what the biggest thing they’re taking away from the programme is, their plan going forward and their focus for 2023 because everything i’ve ever wanted to hear from someone I’m working with was exactly what was coming out of their mouths and I could be more proud of every single one of them.
So I wanted to share some of the key points in the hope that it might inspire a little shift in you too, to see what's possible when you let go of some of the conditioning that's very purpose is to keep you trapped in a cycle of needing more when you have so much of what you already need within you right now.
I wholeheartedly believe that. You just have to back yourself and have the support and reminders to believe it.
So here we go, these are some of my favourite key points from our discussion.
The shift to Internal from external validation. This is HUGE for me. Hearing this felt like absolute ‘mission accomplished’ for me. Letting go of numbers in exchange for how you FEEL about yourself. Knowing that numbers do not define you in any way.
Putting yourself first. I believe we all need to apply this. Nothing should come at the expense of our physical, mental or emotional health. It’s been too long that hustle culture has been glorified to the detriment of self. It HAS to stop. Not compromising self to keep up with the joneses.
Turning away money if it’s at the expense of mental health, physical health, ethics. Being able to do this in the face of potential scarcity is a HUGE win! Knowing when it’s right for you and when it’s wrong for you. There are SO many more benefits that come from being able to do this than will ever come from taking the money anyway.
How important doing the inner work truly is. Being able to truly find themselves in the process of undoing unhelpful conditioning. The strength and clarity that you find there is invaluable and life changing.
Recognising what a REAL ‘lifestyle’ business can look and feel like. A lifestyle business is one that fits into the lifestyle you really want. For most people, when they’re really honest with themselves, is far simpler (and easy to achieve!) than the social media ‘lap top lifestyle’ images. For many people this might look like working less per week, with flexible hours, loving what you do and staying under the VAT threshold. There’s no judgement to be had either way but all too often I see people sacrificing what they really want for what they think they should want, and that if they don’t have means they aren’t good enough. Remind yourself of what it was you originally wanted and why. Get there first, then continue to grow if you want to.
Feeling confidence and clarity around your direction while being able to be authentically you. This should be so obvious but the vast majority of people don’t have this. Not having this is when shiny object syndrome can wreak havoc.
The power of Real authentic support, do you have it? If not, where could you find it?
Having the confidence to say yes to opportunities instead of hiding. Oof, I loved hearing this one!
Offerings that actually FEEL good. I promise when they do they’ll be so much easier to sell.
No more feeling like trying to fit square pegs into round holes. The reality is humans are nuanced creatures. No two are exactly the same in every way. You have to get to know your square pegs and round holes AND not judge yourself for not ‘fitting’ somewhere.
Braveness.
Flexibility and not being afraid to pivot.
If you take away the pressure cooker you’ll move so much faster!
A lot of that comes from figuring out YOU, which is at the heart of everything I do. When you do that, everything will become easier.
So I hope that inspires you to think a little differently about the year just gone, the one coming up and your own progress.
It’s often not the surface level ‘showy’ things that prove our progress, it’s the deep shifts of patterns, self identity and the way we feel which are the real marker of success.
I’m so grateful to have been a part of this for them. They did the work. There’s no getting around that part but if you have the right support around you you will absolutely fly!
And finally, before I take my little Christmas break, I wanted to say a huge heartfelt thank you to every single one of you listening to this.
Every single listen, subscribe, download, share, recommendation, review, it all means the absolute world to me and I can’t believe my little brain child of helping people understand themselves and how they tick has grown to where it is now.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I wish you happy festivities for whatever you’re doing.
I’ll see you on the flip side in January!
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| 29 Apr 2019 | 067 - Are You Thinking Like A Successful Business Owner? | 00:15:02 | |
Are you thinking like a successful business owner?
Show note links:
Are you thinking like a successful business owner?
Do you think like a successful business owner?
Think about that for a second.
Do you THINK, therefore, FEEL, take the ACTION of and get the RESULTS of a successful business owner?
For me this is one of THE biggest pieces of the puzzle. 20% strategy, 80% mindset.
Your mindset is all about how you THINK and the habits you have based on your beliefs and programmes that you may have had since you were a kid.
You don’t want a kid running the show in your business right?
Because that’s essentially what so many people are doing right now when their unconscious is dominating!
The bottom line is, I don’t believe you are ANY less capable than any of the people you see online, that you look up to, that you see doing or having what you want. It’s all 100% possible, for YOU.
You know you’re capable of it too, that’s the frustration.
Deep down you KNOW you can do it, you know the things that would get you there, but you just can’t quite seem to get yourself there.
What is success anyway?
We all have our own definition of success so when i’m talking about this you take it to mean YOUR definition of success, whatever that is for you.
A common mistake
The mistake that I see people make is thinking along the lines of ‘When I HAVE X, I will DO Y and BE Z’.
An example of this may be, ‘When I have lost some weight THEN I will go on facebook live all the time and that will get me a successful business.
When you’re thinking like that first of all you’re always waiting, you’re making excuses as to why you can’t have, be or do right NOW which delays your success but you’re also agreeing with your subconscious identity of ‘I’m not thin enough to be on video and therefore not good enough to have a successful business’.
Or maybe it’s an unconscious belief that you’re not worthy of success, but you would be if you were thinner!
Can you see how all this is going to do is hold you back when 95-99% of what you’re doing is run on autopilot from your unconscious?
There are SO many unconscious beliefs and programmes running in those statements that will always keep you stuck
We need to smash those out of the water.
It’s also completely backwards thinking.
You have to BE the person, to DO the thing to HAVE the success, NOT the other way around.
Operate from a place where it’s ALREADY your reality because THAT’s how it becomes your reality (here’s where some good old fashioned visualisation comes in handy!).
I know it sounds a bit woo but it’s brain sciency stuff so stick with me.
Your unconscious is working on the premise that you are always right and will look for all the ways to prove it to you.
Here’s an example
A great example of this is weight again, (you can tell where I’ve had some serious issues in the past, ha! But it’s also where most people can relate!) So you lose weight, feel great and then go straight back to your old eating habits and gain it again and end up in this lose, gain cycle.
That’s because your unconscious identity takes you right back to your old patterns, your old identity of being the person who doesn’t work out every day, likes to veg out on the sofa and isn’t a ‘thin’ person.
THIS is why the most successful weight losers are ones who shift their reasons for doing it to changing who they are on an unconscious level (without realising that’s what they’re doing!).
For example, for me it was (after about 15 years of yoyoing!) for health reasons and a complete lifestyle change, rather than a short term fix where you don’t eat carbs for 3 months.
That method doesn’t change your unconscious identity and doesn’t allow you the time to change your habits because the whole time you’re essentially telling yourself it’s short term and you will go back to ‘normal’ soon...and then what happens?!
It’s the same reason that 70% of lottery winners go broke within a few years of winning millions!
Their unconscious identity is not that of a ‘wealthy’ person. (you can see why you need to do some serious work on money mindset too here!)
What are your patterns?
These patterns are everywhere and it’s why it’s SO important to make sure we identify them and change them to something more helpful because they are running the show.
Everything is a belief and you DO have control over what you think, it can take some practice to identify and catch the thoughts that are unhelpful but it soon becomes second nature.
We filter out anything our unconscious mind is not already wired to believe.
It’s time to get yourself off autopilot.
The most successful entrepreneurs think differently.
They’re wired differently.
If you start to study them you’ll start to notice some key similarities.
Their beliefs, their faith in it working out, they look after themselves body and mind (diet, exercise, meditation etc), they practice gratitude, they make sure they get enough sleep, they don’t make excuses, they walk towards fear not away from it, they know that failure is part of the process.
I could go on but the more you consciously look for these commonalities the more you will see them.
One set of business owners do have it slightly easier to start with and those are the people who haven’t grown up with what I call ‘corporate’ beliefs.
Being taught that having a job and a regular income plus benefits, where you work your way up the ranks etc etc is the safest and carries the most prestige.
Urgh...you can see why those beliefs can make it difficult when starting your own business is just that...starting again...back at the bottom, that you worked so many years to get away from urgh!
Many will be 1st generation entrepreneurs. Like me. These people have to work a little harder to begin with.
My Dad was a school teacher and house master and my mum was the school nurse so it was long hours and hard work to live paycheck to paycheck. Don’t get me wrong I had a GREAT childhood but those were the beliefs I saw, took on and modelled which are fine for corporate, not so much for running your own business.
You have to work really hard for your money and then you have to justify everything you spend.
My parents however, also taught me to be a self starter, to always do my best and gave me a bloomin great work ethic (essential as a business owner!) which took me far BUT the first bit is what gets in the way.
Whereas often you see some of the most successful entrepreneurs are 3rd or 4th generation entrepreneurs.
They grew up with beliefs around owning a business being easier. Being the norm. You can see how those beliefs and that identity make it far easier.
So how are you thinking?
Now, none of this way of thinking is your fault. It’s what you’ve been taught at some point in your life, usually before you’re even 7 years old.
It’s coping mechanisms that you learned. BUT...guess what...you can unlearn it!
You can get your subconscious mind to work FOR you rather than against you.
You get to reprogramme your brain and rewire it to be who you want to be and live how you want to live.
Exercise:
So who is that?
What are the characteristics of people you admire that you aren’t currently modelling?
What are their habits?
What do you notice about them?
What do THEY do, that you’re not right now?
Who do you have to BE that you’re not currently being, to DO what you know will move the needle and HAVE exactly what you want?
Is it confidence? Commitment? Resilience? What traits do you need to model?
Live from who THAT person is rather than where you’re at right now.
A belief is just a thought repeated over time. So change your thoughts, change your beliefs, change your actions and change your results. Everything you want is waiting on the other side.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below and I hope to see you on the inside.
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| 27 Aug 2018 | 033 - Why Mindset Isn’t A ‘Nice To Have’ As An Entrepreneur | 00:12:06 | |
Why Mindset Isn’t A ‘Nice To Have’ As An EntrepreneurShow note links: To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Book in a discovery call with me: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min
For more information on this topic head over to: https://www.franexcell.com/prioritisemindset/ Why Mindset Isn’t A ‘Nice To Have’ As An EntrepreneurDo you work on your mindset? I see time and time again in the online space that mindset work is seen as a ‘nice to have’. It’s something you KNOW you need to work on (because you also know that it’s holding you back!) but it’s allll about the strategy first…that facebook or pinterest course that you absolutely NEED takes priority.
What’s Your Problem?The thing is… Strategy isn’t your problem, mindset is! You know all the things. You know the strategy…but you’re NOT doing the work, you’re not taking the action that could push you and your business forward and you’re holding yourself back. Sound familiar?
Strategy Isn’t EverythingAll the strategy in the world can’t help you when you’re feeling like an imposter and wondering you you think you are to think YOU can do this so you procrastinate over putting yourself out there?! When you’re comparing yourself to the person that’s been doing it years longer than you feeling like you’re just not good enough, so you procrastinate over putting yourself out there. Or when you’re so overwhelmed by ALL THE THINGS that you don’t even know where to start….so you don’t, and you procrastinate over putting yourself out there! When you’re procrastinating simply because you’re crippled by fear and self doubt. Strategy will not help you with that.
What’s More Important?Of course strategy is important, but Mindset is JUST as important, if not more so in my opinion. You can know all the things to do on a practical level but if you don’t sort out the ‘inner’ stuff that’s stopping you from doing them (the negative thoughts, the doubts, the limiting beliefs)…you’re not going to get anywhere fast, strategy or no strategy. Apart from a fast track to more self loathing, even less confidence and more frustration…and you’re going to be aiming all those negative thoughts and beliefs right at yourself! How far do you think you can get with THAT mindset? How TOUGH does it feel trying to get anything done? Like an uphill battle right? Like you’re constantly pushing!
What Do You Do When Times Get Tough?You didn’t get into this for it to be harder and less fun than your job! When things get tough (which inevitably at points they do) how are you going to stay in the game if you don’t have the ability to problem solve and reframe things to the positive? To be able to see the potential lesson or opportunity. You need to know and believe that everything IS possible for you AND that it’s all going to work out. If you’re constantly doubting yourself, or that it’s even possible for you, what do you think you’re going to get? Do you think you’ll be taking the action you need to to get you to where you want to be? Are you taking it now? If you’ve got a fear of being visible (which has even more fears underneath that!) how is the facebook and instagram strategy going to help if you struggle to post or go live? You’re going to make excuses to not do it, or find reasons for why the timing is wrong and you’re going to stay stuck.
This Is ALL Sortable!It pains me every time I speak to someone and I can see the problem a mile off (I have a little gift for spotting your mindset gremlins even when you can’t!), I can see the fix too and how easy it can potentially be TO fix but then the shiny object syndrome sets in and they prioritise a strategic course, or professional photography or a web developer when all of those things are really just an excuse to not deal with the issue head on if we get really honest about it. They’re the ‘busy’ tasks that make you feel like you’re making progress but really you’re kind of just delaying your success and delaying putting yourself out there in the way that you want and need to to have the business that you want and the success and the money that you want to make. It really IS all sortable! If you’re resonating with any or ALL of this don’t worry. I promise you all those mindset gremlins that you have can be silenced…or at a bare minimum muffled and tamed so they don’t bother you anymore, like swatting away an annoying bug! If you can change the dialogue you have with yourself, identify the key thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself and about your situation (which you can!), if you can create the awareness for when you have a pesky thought error that might hold you back…THEN you combine that with the strategy you already know, my love you’re going to absolutely fly!!
Exercise:What are you holding yourself back from doing right now? Write them all down. Look at your list and then ask yourself, ‘If I could shift the way i’m thinking and my beliefs in these areas where could I be?’ Really tune in to the vision of what your life could and would look like if you had more optimism, more confidence, more self belief…what would you be doing? How does that feel? And then ask, ‘If I DON’T shift the way i’m thinking and my beliefs in these areas where will I be? In a years time? In 5 years time?’ Why wouldn’t you try and fast track the first vision?!
What’s Your Priority?You just need to realise how much of a priority your mindset actually is. How sorting this stuff absolutely isn’t a ‘nice to have’ it’s an essential. It will make your business and your life much more enjoyable again, things will feel so much easier and you will feel so much more in control of your outcomes. You will have a COMPLETELY different lens to look at life through with a few simple tweaks and by understanding the thought errors that are holding you back. Doing this work can and WILL transform your business, AND your life. It really will, it just needs to be prioritised. You can’t think one way in one area and another in another area. This will change everything for you for the better. Why would you delay having that in your life?
Here Are A Few Of The Things We Really Need As An Entrepreneur(All things that a strong, positive mindset absolutely gives you!) Perspective Positivity Resilience Reframing The ability to take criticism Optimism Determination Drive Self Belief Productivity Focus Motivation The ability to adapt to change at the drop of a hat Decision making Pushing through fear Getting visible Managing stress There are many, many, MANY more!
The Bottom LineThe bottom line is, your inner game really does drive your outer game. Mindset is a HUGE part of business, and success in business. The doubts, the fears, the limiting beliefs all need to go. There’s no room for them in this amazing business of yours, there really isn’t.
Look At The EvidenceWhen you look around at the evidence. When you really look, you can see that the most successful business owners in the world all credit an element of mindset to their success. All of them. The most common themes that come through are meditation, mindfulness, visualisation, a morning routine, journaling but all focus on cultivating positive habits, thoughts and beliefs. But they ALL work on their mindset on a daily basis. You need to try and let go of any stigma you have around any of these subjects being ‘woo’ because they are ALL backed by serious amounts of science.
Strategy + Mindset = SuccessStrategy and mindset go hand in hand to create success. You can’t really have it with only one of these at play. All these successful multi millionaires all had the same gremlins as you at one point or another. The procrastination, the overwhelm, the self doubt, the imposter syndrome, the comparisonitis but they KNEW it was THAT that they needed to work on to propel them forwards.
Where Could You Be?Where could you be if you had more confidence, more self belief, more positive thoughts and tools in your armoury to deal with the inevitable mindset gremlins and obstacles that get in your way? What would you do that you’re not right now? WHO would you be if this was a priority? Working on your mindset is not fluffy, it’s not a nice to have, it’s not something that can wait. It’s an essential piece of the puzzle and something that can fast track you right to where you want to go. Why would you want to delay any longer? If you know that now is the time to start changing this for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you can be!! Fx | |||
| 11 Feb 2019 | 056 - What Stress Can Do To You | 00:12:17 | |
What stress does to you
Show note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/the-thing-about-stress For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants Book in a discovery call to see how I can help you: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/ Check out my printable journal store here: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/franexcellprintables What stress does to you
Stress is something that can catch us all at one point or another no matter the job/business/industry.
Having attended a huge conference for entrepreneurs in the UK back in November and through working with female business owners something has become very clear to me.
Too many people running their own businesses are STRESSED!
I mean we all know it can be stressful juggling and running a business but it almost feels like it’s just accepted as the norm, as part and parcel of chasing your dreams, or even worn as a badge of honour.
They’re MORE stressed than when they were in their jobs. It’s almost as if it’s accepted to be par for the course of owning your own business that you head towards burnout on a daily basis.
But what if we just let go. What if it didn’t HAVE to be that way...that would be nicer right? Maybe even more fun?
In previous blog posts i’ve talked about a lot of things that contribute to (Overwhelm, Procrastination, Perfectionism, Lack of certainty to name a few) and can help ease stress (Mindfulness, Visualisation, Journaling, Gratitude, Reframing, Kindness) but I want to just highlight a couple of things that I feel are really important to understand.
Stress can be literally dangerous to your health.
In certain situations stress CAN be good for you don’t get me wrong, in terms of an extra boost of motivation, or saving your life from a rogue lion but when there is no real imminent danger or threat and you’re living your life in a perpetual state of stress and anxiety it’s very much in the NOT good for you camp.
It’s a natural reaction and very normal but what we want is to be able to limit it and not let it get out of control. As I often say, you can’t control your first reaction but you CAN control your second.
Unfortunately your body doesn’t really tell the difference very well between emotional ‘threats’ and actual real life danger physical threats so you get stress hormones, Cortisol and Adrenaline, running through your body either way. Which, over time, can have huge detrimental effects on your overall health.
Over time stress has a big effect on your body.
It can affect pretty much every area. All your energy is constantly going to the key areas to help with ‘fight or flight’ which means energy and attention is taken away from other key systems and processes you need in your body.
For example, when you’re stressed a lot you tend to get ill, have a bad stomach, headaches, sleep issues, pains in your body, extreme tiredness, you also have an increased risk of heart attack among many other things. So, many physical symptoms from quite an emotional response.
Other effects of stress on the body is heart disease, high blood pressure, physical aches and pains, loss of sex drive, stomach issues, insomnia among a tonne of other things that it can CAUSE you to do. Think overeating, not eating enough, too much alcohol, smoking, snapping at people, withdrawing from people...essentially numbing out!
The danger is also stress turning into full on burnout which can wreak havoc for entrepreneurs (and anyone really!) and can leave you floored for weeks, sometimes much longer.
It’s also not just you it affects, it affects your loved ones too. It might make you irritable, forgetful, hindering your ability to concentrate.
There are also a LOT of simple things you can implement in your life that will calm this response down and be able to act as an intervention when you’re really feeling it!
Meditation and Mindfulness
Who is this helping
4-7-8-3 and other mindful breathing techniques. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, breathe out for a count of 8 and repeat 3 times. This always grounds me and brings me back to the calm place I want to be.
Get out of overwhelm with the scary brain dump to do list and outsource anything not in your zone of genius.
Self care!
Exercise and eat right! I know it sounds really boring and like a broken record but it makes SUCH a difference. Find an exercise that’s right for you, even if it’s walking and eating the right foods will make a world of difference.
Set yourself a resource anchor for a different state. So when you feel stress, access a time you felt totally calm, or happy, or in control, whatever you may want to feel instead that would be helpful for you and really take yourself back to that moment. You can’t feel two opposing states at the same time and this may be enough just to ground you in the moment and get you back on track.
The key is really to create that awareness. Your body is sending you all these signals for a reason. It’s time to slow down. Take time to look after yourself but making sure that is a consistent part of your routine because if you’re perpetually in a state of stress or anxiety what’s the point really? You only get one life and that’s not what it’s all about.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s selfless. It’s not just for you that you’re doing it. Take a moment to picture yourself going about your day WITHOUT the stress, are you still getting things done? In fact, are you getting MORE done?
Work out what triggers the stress response in you and then get brainstorming about how you can make sure it doesn’t happen in the first place. What can you outsource? What specific tasks tend to be the ones that stress you out? What in your life is causing you stress?
It’s really easy to look at some of these things and say you can’t do anything about them but honestly, the majority of the time there really is something you can do about it, something you can do differently, you just need to look for it and question it.
And as for the rest of the time, if you have no control over it and REALLY can’t do anything about it what is the point of getting stressed about it? Will it change anything? Will it hurt anybody apart from yourself? Will it hurt the people that love you? Will it actually help anything?
The scary thing is when people ignore stress and it gets out of control. That’s where the damage gets done. So start to be aware, use the tools and techniques i’ve talked you through in other posts and make sure you use them and if you feel you need it of course please go see your doctor.
You weren’t meant to live your life in a constant state of stress, so let’s change it!
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!! All the details are in the link below and I hope to see you on the inside.
Fx | |||
| 23 Mar 2020 | 114 - The C Word, Shame, Respect and Toxicity | 00:30:52 | |
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The C Word, Shame, respect and Toxicity
The C word is taking over every feed imaginable still, for obvious reasons!
It’s bringing out the best in some people, the worst in others. There have definitely been a few other ‘side effects’ in society (for positive and negative) and in the business world for sure.
I very much don’t want to contribute to a problem so i’ll talk to you about how i’m handling it and my take on it and from next week i’ll be re-releasing some key episodes that I know are going to help and remind you of all the tools you already have at your disposal...without turning everything into a C word frenzy that I believe is perpetuating the problem.
Now is a time to apply and use what you already know! Especially when trying to juggle it with partners and kids around too!
People are looking for NEW solutions everywhere and are forgetting all the tools and resources they already have.
This is certainly not about denying what’s going on in any way because it’s very real and very devastating for a lot of people.
I choose to look at things a certain way and you may look at them another but I wanted to offer up a potentially different perspective.
I was talking to my husband about why I feel so strongly about what I’m going to talk you through and have been racking my brains thinking ‘am I completely missing something here, am I wrong in what I believe right now’ and I came to the conclusion that a huge amount of how I feel is because i’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt on losing everything before.
6 years ago when we lost our business, our home, our relationship was tested to the limit, we had to move in with my mother in law and had absolutely no money so we did nothing but stay indoors and worry and panic and get a bit depressed.
BUT, It’s what sent me on the path to here with the dream house, the dream dog, the businesses and qualifications that I have where I get to help people think differently, overcome their unconscious programming and not be ruled by their emotions.
In essence everything is SO much better now than it ever would have been had it not happened, and I trust that that will happen again.
I know what mistakes I made last time, what helped and what didn’t.
I lived it and it was very painful and I'm very grateful for it. I’m wired for resilience. I’m wired to accept the bad and look for the good in it.
So as much as there has been a big financial loss so far and we have NO idea how all this is going to go...i’m actually totally ok with it.
The more special content that gets created, specifically around the worry or anxiety element of what’s going on, the more I believe people WILL worry and feel anxious because it’s repeating the message that the majority ARE worrying and anxious. The more people see these messages the more the underlying tone is that they SHOULD feel that way.
As humans we have a need to ‘fit in’. Our basic needs are being challenged right now. Our need for safety is being hugely challenged, but one up from that is the need for belonging, we’re looking to be the same as others. To feel part of a community right now.
When you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs you can see why this is having such a profound effect on everyone.
First it’s our basic needs such as food, water, shelter...toilet roll has very obviously become one of our core basic needs but you can see where the selfish stockpiling is coming from!
Next on the hierarchy is safety. Personal, employment, health. Massively challenged right now in every way.
Then we have love and belonging. Friends, family and a sense of connection. So when we’re self isolating it’s no wonder people are seeking this online.
Then you have esteem. Feeling respected, your status in the world and a sense of accomplishment. You can see this in a lot of business owners right now.
Worrying about their business ‘failing’ OR going way above and beyond to do extra for their audiences.
And at the top you have self actualisation and the desire to be the best person you can be, morality is a big piece of this. So it’s no wonder people are getting so judgy and opinionated.
On all levels our core basic needs are being threatened and tested.
We’re all being ruled by our egos right now...big time!
In these crazy times a little more compassion and a little less judgement will go a long way.
I don’t want to make anyone ‘wrong’ and that’s not my intention at all, I appreciate we all have different takes and opinions and beliefs around this, this is just my take on things, you will have your own.
Online the hysteria is being added to on a continual basis. There’s added pressure on business owners in SO many ways.
There’s the revenue for starters!
There’s potential relationship strains and kids running round feet.
There’s the VERY loud opinions, judgements and SHOULDS all over the show.
There’s the feeling that you need to ‘follow suit’ and if they’re doing X, Y and Z then you should be too.
There’s a lot of very well meaning business owners showing up for their audiences for free in a VERY big way….which is lovely, and comes from a really good place.
And some of it is genuinely helpful, absolutely spot on for what people genuinely need right now and helps them KEEP focus and keep their eyes on their goals for once we’re out the other side of this, because we will, the rest is just extra noise and potentially causing a bit of a problem.
What do I mean by that? It’s perpetuating the anxiety, in many cases creating it when it may not have been there before.
It’s creating lots of extra ‘things to do’ in a time where there could be some real focus and opportunity if you choose to look at it that way.
It’s causing people to keep looking for the next free thing that they ‘need’ right now. It’s freebie shiny object syndrome on steroids.
So there’s a fine line and for me some of it is really adding to the problem in many ways. I absolutely see the merit in it all don’t get me wrong, like I said, it’s coming from a good place mostly.
But when everyone else is following suit it’s becoming overwhelming for people to consume and also feel like they need to create to keep up.
It’s also keeping the focus on what’s going on, rather than just carrying on as best we can, focusing on what we CAN do rather than what we can’t and taking advantage of the time to do all the things we convince ourselves we don’t have time for.
So what i’m saying is, take a step back and consider what you REALLY need right now vs feeling like you need EVERYTHING on offer right now purely because it’s been linked in the messaging to Coronavirus somehow, and staying off the endless scroll looking for it.
I bet if you have a look back you already have a tonne of things that you’ve already bought and paid for that you can finally use that perhaps wasn’t a priority before, even if it’s just a case of asking someone else to brainstorm with you. The answers are already out there for you.
The biggest thing that I see as a problem is all the shaming that’s going on.
People are shaming people for selling, they’re shaming people for not selling.
They’re shaming people for being negative and now for being positive! The trolls are out in force and they’re ANGRY!
STOP THE INTERNET I WANT TO GET OFF!
What’s with all the judgement?!
I get that people are angry and scared and there’s some very real, REAL stuff going on right now but we have not lost all our faculties and ability to be good humans.
The phrase ‘toxic positivity’ is being bandied around a fair amount that i’ve seen. And i’ve been limiting my social media intake big time because that’s what i’m choosing to do at this time. I’m loving Instagram so head over there and follow me @imfranexcell and come play. Facey B i’m taking some time off.
I know it helps me keep a level head to only read reputable sources to make sure I'm informed and I choose to stay out of the madness, hysteria and away from people jumping on various bandwagons.
People are addicted to it. I wholeheartedly understand that, but it is also a choice.
When it comes to the posts i’m seeing it’s now veering towards the ‘It’s ok however you’re feeling you don’t have to be positive if you don’t feel it, it’s ok to feel stressed and anxious and down if that’s what you feel’
While I do completely understand the sentiment but I don’t completely agree, for good reason.
Physiologically it is NOT good to stay in fear. In fight or flight mode with cortisol and adrenaline running through your system lowering your immune system and impeding your ability to think clearly.
Of COURSE you’re going to be feeling negative emotions at times right now, we all are and that IS ok. Just please don’t dwell there for longer than you need to.
Moments of stress, tears and wobbles are one thing, having it validated to you by people that you trust that it’s ok to LIVE there, and essentially unconsciously being given ‘permission’ to live there right now is not going to help.
On top of the physiological effects it’s also going to allow you to make excuses to yourself to stay there.
You’re also creating new neural pathways in your brain for anxiety and fear to become the path of least resistance. You’re creating new habitual ways of thinking.
You’re also essentially training your brain to show you MORE of it.
I’ve talked to you about the reticular activating system before, it’s your brain's spam filter. When you stay in fear, anxiety and worry you’re essentially training it to show you and filter out all the evidence that that’s right.
So when you see more and more of it and unconsciously ignore any positives, that fear and anxiety is inevitably going to grow and get worse.
We’re all looking to validate our own stories and opinions all the time. It’s how we tick. We want people to tell us it’s ok to be however we are and feel whatever we feel.
While that’s true, everyone is perfect as they are….what’s NOT true is that it’s healthy to stay in fear and anxiety. What’s NOT true is it’s ok for people to be in a state they don’t actually want to be in.
I’ve talked before about how negative emotions can be helpful and are not to be ignored, suppressed or paid attention to. They ARE incredibly helpful and a big part in being positive.
It’s not about victim shaming but there is something to be said for making sure you’re not encouraging people to stay in that place.
It’s a fine line and we can have so many secondary gains from being in a negative headspace so we don’t need to make it even easier for people to stay there.
For me it’s just about having a really good, solid self awareness and curiosity.
Misery also loves company so if you’re too far the other way then it’s almost as if the negativity starts being encouraged.
Positivity isn’t about FALSE positivity...FAKING it.
It’s about increasing your resilience, it’s about faith that even if it’s a bit rubbish now that it WILL be ok.
It’s being able to bounce back quickly and think on your feet, it’s behavioural flexibility.
It’s emotional intelligence and being able to regulate your emotions and not be consumed by them.
It’s about asking for help when you feel you can’t do it alone.
It is NOT about pretending things aren’t happening, or faking positivity when you don’t feel it.
It’s about CHOOSING to look for any potential positives and understanding that you do have that choice.
It’s about being able to be calm and level headed in chaos, even if you have plenty to be concerned about.
It’s being able to zoom out from your emotions or a situation and look at it rationally.
It’s acceptance of and surrender to what you can’t control.
It’s about being able to see the positive IN the negative. Not DENYING it!
Denying negative emotions makes them GROW.
So feel what you need to feel, wobble, rant, cry...but USE the tools to change your state when you want to or know you need to.
You WILL feel the full spectrum of emotions during such uncertainty. Our brains are in overdrive, they crave safety and certainty and we can’t give that right now.
It’s about not making you or your emotions wrong OR forcing it.
We’ve been Catapulted out of our habitual thinking, which I actually think is going to be AMAZING for us all in the long run, individually and globally! No more doing things just because it’s the way they’ve always been done.
So let’s not start being negative about positivity!
People are all going to handle this how they feel they need to so even if you think something judgemental and mean….just think before you share it!
You don’t have to take MY opinion either, but you’re listening to my podcast so I thought i’d share it ha!
I’m all about trying to help people think differently and get out of their stories and i’m not going to stop doing that now.
I’m also not going to be offering special Coronavirus content (other than this) or offers. I’m not saying there is anything ‘wrong’ with that, it’s just not what I’M going to do right now.
The content and offers I would put out for or during Coronavirus is EXACTLY the same as I would for any other issue around mindset and productivity. (Bet you’re all really figuring out right now why I do both together ha! Inextricably linked!)
I want you guys to apply it ALL the time, not just now. This is the PERFECT time to put into practice what i’ve been teaching for years!
So I cultivated around 18 previous episodes that can and WILL help right now.
All around boundaries with family at home, how to maintain focus, how to change your state, the power of habits and routine, why managing your energy is important, letting go of ‘shoulds’, remembering to do the basics and use the resources you’ve already got, listening to your gut, not getting caught in worry loops, how to stop overthinking, self discipline, how to overcome your stories, secondary gains, taking responsibility, why your thoughts are so important, perspective, the power of language, how not to fear haters….there’s TONNES!
Hopefully you can see how it’s all relevant right now.
It’s all already there for you to binge in around 10-15 minutes each!
You can find them over on my insta stories highlights and on my facebook page and my personal facebook profile.
Over the next few weeks i’m going to be re-releasing some of them with a little snippet at the beginning for how you can apply it and make it relevant for right now but it’s important to me that you learn these tools for use WHENEVER you need them.
One of the things I'm doing right now, in my way, on my terms, is to really limit my social media.
One so I don’t have to see any scare mongering or false facts and two to stay clear of any comparison.
I’m taking advantage of the gift of this extra time.
I’m listening to the government guidelines and staying at home, staying sane and sensible.
I’m revisiting courses I didn’t complete.
I’m reading SO much.
I’m dancing round the kitchen.
I’ve been making things in the kitchen with Tobyn.
I’ve been singing Disney and show tunes at the top of my lungs.
I’ve been standing outside in the sunshine and now I'm up and about after my surgery I will be taking Milo for walks.
I’ve bought a flower press and we’re going foraging for plants and flowers and we’re going to put them up on the wall.
I’m finding I'm going back to lots of things I loved doing as a kid.
We’re going to do all the DIY and clearing that we ‘never have time for’.
I’ve been on zoom calls and facetime with clients, friends and loved ones.
I’ve been playing some of my favourite silly games like Dobble.
I’ve been cuddling Milo.
I’ve been SO grateful for our position and that we still have our health, as do my loved ones.
I’ve been angry at people continuing to not take it seriously and putting others in danger, I’ve been angry at the selfish behaviour that’s been displayed.
I’ve been joyful at all the good news I fill my instagram feed with (if you want to see some follow me @imfranexcell)
I’ve been using all the tools in my toolkit, meditation, mindfulness, NLP, Anchors, Journaling etc.
I’ve had moments of realisation about the amount of money I've lost, then I've put things into perspective and got back to gratitude.
I’ve accepted that things I was SO excited about are now not happening.
I’ve accepted that what I thought 2020 was going to look like isn’t going to turn out that way and stayed open to it bringing positive change somehow.
I don’t need to know what that looks like just yet, I’m just open to it.
I’ve surrendered. I’m accepting of what I am and am not in control of in this situation and I'm grounded in doing what I need to do for me, regardless of what other people are doing.
I’m still offering all my same services including 1:1, my mastermind, power hours and my SOS service. If you want more information just DM me on @imfranexcell or drop me an email on hello@franexcell.com.
I’m not putting any additional pressure on myself, or allowing anyone else to put pressure on me.
I’m being there for my clients who will and do feel all the feels but know they don’t want to stay there and are using all their resources to make sure they are where they want to be.
I’ve been helping people pivot, think differently, reframe. The whole 9 yards.
I’ve let go of expectation.
I’m choosing to look for the good.
Yes there are a huge amount of negatives about what’s happening for a lot of people.
BUT, there is potential for SO much good.
As I mentioned, we’ve ALL been catapulted out of habitual thinking. I can only see this as a good thing.
We’re all getting to use parts of our brains that have been running on autopilot for however long.
We’re being forced to slow down (a good thing for me as a perpetual ‘achiever’ with a superwoman complex)
We’ve been given a gift of time to ‘catch up’ with ourselves.
We’ve been given an opportunity to reassess everything and really think about what we want from life. It’s given us an opportunity to not take things for granted and be grateful for what we have and where we are.
There’s no denying this is catastrophic for some people. People are losing loved ones, it’s financially devastating to many, people are having to navigate schedule upheavals and bored kids (I’ve been SO impressed with some of the boundary setting i’ve been seeing from my mum friends!).
It’s not about undermining anyones experience in this. It sucks. It truly sucks.
It’s not about feeling bad for feeling sad, or feeling bad for choosing to look at the positives. It’s all judgement in one way or another.
But there is a LOT of good around if you choose to look for it. We will come out of this stronger. We don’t need to know how right now.
It’s going to require a deep breath and a lot of trust.
This is just how I'm choosing to see it.
It’s my opinion and it doesn’t have to be yours.
You don’t have to agree, or judge, but you can respect it’s my opinion and respect the choices I make and I hope you will all do the same for each other.
If things are triggering you, zoom out and ask yourself why. Where are you sweating the small stuff in the grand scheme of things that are going on right now?
My Instagram is going to be a force for positivity (the honest, genuine kind, not the toxic kind).
I’m not going to be on facebook too much. I’m DEFINITELY going to be in the DMs so please do message me! I’m continuing to offer my services.
Do what you’ve got to do, for yourself, in your business, it’s totally up to you. You don’t have to ‘follow suit’ just because you think you ‘should’.
Everyone is going to do what they need to do and (as long as you’re taking government advice and trying not to be a d**k in the supermarkets) they should not be judged for handling it the way they feel they need to.
No guilt, no shame.
Keep your sense of humour.
Look at the NHS frontliners risking their lives and do what you can in terms of staying at home.
Perhaps when this is over we’ll have more respect for others, complain less, give more. Who knows! We don't know what's going to happen...but we never did!
We’re globally in it together!
The only thing we ever have control over is ourselves and how we respond to things and that’s always been the case.
Stay strong, stay safe, stay sane, use your common sense and reach out for help when you need it.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!
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| 29 Jan 2018 | 003 - How To Be More Confident | 00:16:07 | |
Do you struggle with your confidence? Do you feel like it holds you back from doing things that you want to achieve? Going places you want to go? Guess what…it doesn’t have to stay that way! You can actually LEARN self-confidence. How do I know? I did it myself. What Would Having Confidence Allow You To Do?The first time I remember really struggling with my confidence was age 11 and it was a slippery slope from there. I let it dominate my life, I wouldn’t go anywhere by myself, never felt good enough. When I hit 21, fresh out of university and looking for a new job I was going to interview after interview and not getting anywhere (!) The feedback was always my lack of confidence, that I didn’t stand out, I knew something had to change. It’s Only Now, Over A Decade Later, That I Actually Realise What I Did After That Realisation.From that moment of realisation I went on a mission to change things and I actually TRAINED myself to be more confident. I thought It was a classic case of fake it till you make it. I was confident yes…but only in ONE area of my life, my job. So I set about trying to work out what I did, how I did it and how I could learn to do it in other areas of my life. Here’s A List Of All The Things I Found Along The Way, Through Years Of Trial And Error, That May Help If You’re Struggling.Push yourself outside your comfort zone. The more you push yourself through all those uncomfortable little moments the more you grow in confidence. Not taking action creates fear and doubt whereas taking action increases your courage and confidence. Stay away from negativity. Analyse who you spend your time with. Do you have friends that always bring you or put you down? Limit your time with them! Be prepared. Often when we don’t feel confident feeling unprepared or like we don’t know enough lies at the route of it, how can you make sure you DO know enough and you ARE prepared? Make a list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing. Go all the way back to school. When you’re feeling like you ‘can’t’ do something look at this list. Random acts of kindness. Do something nice for someone else. The sense of appreciation and gratitude you will feel from them will give you a skip in your step in no time and boost your self-worth. What habits do you have that you don’t like? Change them, you’re not stuck with them! Focus on solutions, not problems. What you focus on grows so focus less on the problem (I’m not good enough, I can’t because…etc) and more about what you can do about it. Find a hobby. Something you love doing and are good at. The more areas you can have where you can create a sense of accomplishment the more confident you will feel. Learn to accept compliments. Don’t put yourself down when someone compliments you. Force yourself to just say ‘thank you’ because guess what…giving someone a compliment feels good if you don’t accept it you’re taking that feeling away from someone else too! Set small goals for you to achieve. The more small things you can achieve the more you grow in confidence. Set some goals and make them specific and give them a deadline. Identify and become aware of your negative self-talk and thoughts. The more you’re aware of them the more you can reframe the thought and switch them off. Affirmations. You may feel ridiculous at first saying affirmations but trust me they work! Write down 3 that work for you and say them every day. Fake it till you make it. It’s an oldie but a goodie, not perfect in isolation but a good way to get started. Visualise yourself where you want to be. Write it down if you can, getting really clear on who and where you want to be and feel the feelings of being there can be so powerful. Question your inner critic. Look for evidence, is there more evidence to support that you aren’t good enough or you are? Celebrate the small stuff. Don’t play down things you’re proud of. Celebrate! Social media declutter. Turn your social media into a force for good! Delete, unfollow, follow accounts and pages that make you feel good…whatever you need to do to make it more positive..do it! Write a list of what you do like about yourself. If you struggle, ask your close friends what they like about you. It can feel awkward to do but so worth it!! Every Time you’re feeling down on yourself, read it! Stop caring what other people think. Ask yourself if that person’s opinion REALLY matters! Think about any areas of your life where you ARE confident. Get curious about why you’re confident in that area. Look at criticism and failure as an opportunity to learn rather than something negative. You WILL grow from it. Ask yourself. If your best friend were you what would you say to them? Stop being who you think people expect you to be and be who you are! Don’t try to fit anyone else’s mold, be unashamedly you, there’s only one of you…own it! Realise that YOU are in control of how you feel. You’re perfect just as you are and don’t need anyone else to validate you. | |||
| 20 Jun 2022 | Who's Beliefs Have You Borrowed? | 00:09:56 | |
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Who’s beliefs have you borrowed?
Who’s beliefs have you borrowed?
We can talk about borrowed beliefs in a couple of ways.
The traditional meaning of borrowed beliefs is when other people around you believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself and you ‘borrow’ that belief to do the thing you want to do.
Think of it like personal training. How much further do you go when you have someone saying’ you can do it’, ‘you’ve so got this’, ‘keep going, don’t give up’
I’ve been having personal training sessions lately and it really is a game changer. The limits I'm able to push through purely with having someone supporting me and telling me I can do it are astounding.
This works across all areas of your life.
How different do you feel when you have to have a difficult conversation and until someone close to you gives you that pep talk telling you how capable you are of handling whatever the outcome may be.
How much of a difference does it make to how you feel and what you’re capable of doing?
Have a think of some instances where you haven’t had that support. Those beliefs in you to borrow while your confidence grows.
How far have you got with that thing?
Did you do it? Did you quit? Are you still trying but feeling like you’re not getting very far?
There’s no judgement to be made here from me or yourself, this is a very very human thing to do.
We just tend to underestimate the importance of having those borrowed beliefs.
The coaches, the mentors, the colleagues, the friends, the people who get it and get you.
We NEED those people, and there’s no shame in that.
Who picks you up when you’re having a wobble?
I always say to clients I'm there to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. Who does that for you?
Wobbles are such a normal part of life, in all aspects of life at some point. But we grow in community. When we isolate ourselves, when we don’t share what’s going on for us, we deny ourselves the ability to borrow other people’s beliefs for a minute.
That might be just the thing you need to get you moving again.
The biggest question here is who do you have around you that’s giving you that?
The second way we can look at borrowed beliefs are all the unconscious assumptions of truth that we make in our day to day lives.
Most of them are ‘borrowed’ from other people, not formed by us through conscious thought.
We’ve inherited them from parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, school, media, we borrow them as truth from everywhere and often don’t question them.
Then they’re running in the background all day every day, affecting our behaviour.
These will be beliefs about yourself, others and the world.
Ideas around who you are. What’s safe or not safe. What’s possible or not possible.
So what works for the positive, also works for the negative.
This is why we need to make the unconscious conscious. We’re walking around with a TONNE of beliefs that were never ours in the first place. These affect everything we do. Some serve us, some really do the opposite.
Once they’re in there, while they remain unconscious your brain and nervous system do everything they can to prove them right, and then get you to repeat them because there’s safety in the familiar.
So…Your brain doesn’t align your beliefs to fit your life, it aligns your life to fit your beliefs.
So we have to beware the power of an unrecognised belief.
These will have been beliefs borrowed about our relationships, our career, our friendships, how the world works, money, parenting, everything.
The biggest problem with this is it stops you seeing opportunities. It stops you seeing other potential ways to do things.
If you have borrowed a belief that business is supposed to be hard, or making money is supposed to be hard. That’s exactly what you’ll get.
Everything will fit around that.
So how do we get around this?
So, we know what to do with borrowing beliefs from others when you’re having a wobble or your belief in yourself is slipping.
Really ask ourselves who gives us that?
Who believes in us when we don’t believe in ourselves?
And if no one comes up the next step is to find those people.
Whether it’s a coach, community, therapist, friends. It doesn’t matter who. It’s their belief in you that matters.
Next up is what to do with all these potentially unhelpful borrowed beliefs.
The same applies here. Finding someone who will help you find them.
Someone who will hold up the mirror.
Someone who will highlight what might not be helpful for you.
Again, where that's with me on one of my VIP days or in The Positive Pants Toolkit Membership, Or me, Abi and Dawni in The Mentorship, or another coach, mentor, therapist, a community, a friend, a loved one. I’d say this one didn’t matter who but that wouldn’t be true.
For this one you really do need to have a certain level of trust with someone to be able to talk openly and vulnerably to them for them to be able to help you highlight what’s not serving you.
But it can absolutely be done.
You can start by coaching yourself and asking yourself what your beliefs are around one particular thing, grab your journal and write them down.
Are they true?
Who’s was it in the first place?
What do YOU believe now?
It requires some digging but it’s transformative.
Both of these are important to be aware of so you can make sure you’re always operating from the most helpful beliefs and the most beneficial beliefs for you.
So who’s belief are you going to borrow today?
Fx | |||
| 03 Oct 2022 | Mantras For Success In A Stressful World | 00:11:49 | |
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Mantras For Success In A Stressful World
I wanted to go a bit rogue for today's episode and give you something tangible you can use to come back to time and time again.
You might want to do it with your eyes closed so do feel free to listen to the context and then pause and come back later.
I know things might be feeling a little bit tricky and sticky at the moment and often people love affirmations in these times…BUT…I think about affirmations a little differently.
If you’re saying something that your unconscious mind is just going to go ‘HA! No chance.’ then there really is very little point and you’ll likely feel that it makes you feel WORSE.
So, we use phrases that our mind can really get on board with. So when you go through these please do feel free to take what feels good (you’ll notice physiologically in your body) and leave what doesn’t. OR adapt it to your language and something you know you can get on board with.
If you know EFT/Tapping please do feel free to give these a big oomph by tapping on your meridian points.
I’ll give you a quick reminder of the points.
Start with the karate chop point on the side of your hand and make your statements of how you’re feeling right now. Then speak along with these mantras at each point.
Top of the eyebrow. Side of the eye. Under the eye. Under the nose. Under the mouth. Collar bone. Under your arm on the bra line. Top of the head.
If you’ve never practiced EFT before feel free to leave that out or follow along with a reel that I've posted on my Instagram.
I’m going to state some mantras for you to repeat in your own mind or out loud.
Please make sure you’re in a safe place if you’re going to do these with your eyes closed and of course not driving, operating machinery or watching the kiddos.
So here we go.
Even though there’s a lot going on in the world right now, this is temporary and I am ok.
Even though this situation might not be ideal, I know there are more options for me if I seek them.
I control my busy mind, not the other way around.
Even though I may feel worried about the future, I can be right here, right now, in this moment.
I am far more capable than I'm giving myself credit for.
I know what’s right for me.
It’s the people who keep digging that find the gold.
It’s ok for me to put this down for a minute and look after me.
I’m good enough. I have always been good enough and I always will be good enough.
I make good decisions when my emotions are regulated.
I get to choose to be happy.
I’m great at what I do and I'm always learning and evolving.
I choose what I feed my brain. I get to switch off the news and look at my own situation.
Other people’s opinion of me matters far less than my own opinion of me.
Slow and steady wins the race.
I really have got this.
Success comes from being willing to fail.
Rest is an essential part of success.
It’s ok to feel my feelings.
Every day I'm growing and evolving.
Everything is going to work out exactly as it’s supposed to.
Cliche as it sounds, when one door closes another, better door opens. There is always another option.
When things don’t work out as I planned it’s simply an opportunity for course correction to something better.
I always figure things out, but I don’t have to do it by myself.
I don’t have to do everything myself.
The most successful people in the world make mistakes.
I will either get the result I want or the lesson I need.
Where I put my attention is what shows up in my life.
The hardest part is to just start, everything gets better from there.
I only need to focus on the steps, not the mountain.
I define my own version of success.
The secret to success is to just keep going and course correcting as needed.
Pick some that you really resonate with and start to live by them and see how things shift for you.
I really hope you enjoyed this. Let me know over on Instagram @imfranexcell
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| 28 Mar 2022 | The Most Important Thing In Your Business | 00:14:43 | |
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The Most Important Thing In Your Business
The most important thing in your business looks different to everyone, but fundamentally is the same.
I put a poll on my Instagram stories the other day and I was surprised how many of you wanted to hear more practical business ‘stuff’ from me.
So I thought i’d give you some today, with a Fran twist.
Of course it’s with our ‘human-ness’ in mind because everything I do operates from that perspective. Our unconscious programming and the ways we inevitably get in our own way.
Sometimes it’s not because of a deep dark part of your psyche. Sometimes they’re very practical things that can be changed, but we just haven’t connected the dots to understand that’s what is going on.
But I can absolutely give you some of my musings on business specifically. It would be my absolute pleasure.
It’s worth giving you a big of contect first.
My career prior to this was 15 years in media sales for some of the biggest print titles in the UK.
I’ve talked about this before so forgive me if you’ve heard this already, I handled multi million pound contracts across some of the biggest advertisers in the country for the biggest national print titles. I worked on newspapers, glossy magazines and digital platforms too.
The main parts of my job really were building relationships with clients, sales and negotiations and being an ideas person. That was the crux of it if I simplify it.
I was responsible for managing huge contracts, I created whole magazines, which turned into a portfolio of magazines, from scratch when I was at The Telegraph.
I would be given 6-7 figure budgets to come up with creative ideas to achieve the goals of the client.
I’d also be responsible for coming up with ideas to expand the business and find new revenue generating opportunities and where we might be leaving cash on the table. That’s actually one of my favourite parts of what I did then and what I do now. I think of ideas as one of my super powers. I find it very easy to see things from all angles and connect the dots of what might be missing or what might be an opportunity.
I learned a huge amount while I was doing that. I learned about sales (without ickiness), marketing, negotiation, building relationships, business development, all sorts.
I learned from HUGE mistakes that we made when my husband had his business in 2014. I learned from mistakes I made in my first business as a jewellery designer and maker, and the last 4 years in this business.
I know my stuff and it’s probably time I owned that. The only people that really see it are those who work with me 1:1, particularly with the VIP half days that I run in person where it’s pretty much ALL business focused. Business focus but human centrered.
So i’m going to tell you what I believe to be the most important thing in your business.
It may or may not come as a surprise to know that it’s you.
Before you roll your eyes i’ll explain what I mean.
Before we even get to the nitty gritty practical moving parts of running a business this NEEDS to be addressed. Which is why we’re starting here.
We’re laying the foundations so you can create a solid business ‘house’ that can weather any storm.
If you don’t put YOU as the most important thing in your business all sorts of things can happen, and can’t happen.
Firstly if you don’t think about what you want for your life and how you want the business to run and what’s most important to you I promise you’re setting yourself up for a long road of frustration and heartache.
You’ll be building something that fundamentally you don’t really want, or doesn’t fit in with the lifestyle that you want.
You’ll be trying to build your business on platforms you hate being on, using a model that doesn’t actually work for you and what you want your life to look like or you’ll just create yourself another job. Often worse than a job because there’s so much more emotion attached to it because it’s YOURS.
And guess what happens with all this…yep…good old self sabotage!
So you’ll be ‘trying’ and ‘pushing’ to build your business and wondering why things aren’t working.
You are the most important thing too in terms of looking after yourself, because if you’re not in a good place physically, mentally and emotionally, your business will probably suffer.
Particuarly if you operate a business model that totally relies on you.
This is why it’s important to factor you into the equation from every angle.
So my aim for you from this episode is to grab your journal and really think on these questions.
Do you have support in your business, personally and in the business?
Have you factored in what happens in your business if anything happens to you? If you need time off for whatever reason. Can you take it?
If you step back for a couple of months what would happen in your business?
Are you trying to build an audience on a platform you can’t stand being on? Is that affecting how you show up?
Do you have multiple revenue streams in place?
Do you have recurring revenue streams in place that keep coming in even if you don’t?
How easy would it be for you to pivot if you wanted or needed to?
What hours can you/do you want to work?
Is your business set up so you can take a holiday?
Is your business set up so you can look after your own wellbeing?
What will bring you joy to deliver to your clients vs what could weigh you down?
What’s the big picture in terms of how you get to the income you want to create?
It’s really REALLY important to think about these things, they really are the foundation to your business success and longevity.
Most people tend to bypass these hugely important questions and go straight to things like ‘how can I grow on Instagram’.
You already know from the last couple of weeks the biggest thing I think can help you have a business that gives you want you want for yourself and for your life is to have multiple revenue streams and recurring revenue streams.
So making sure that you have money coming into your business on a regular basis that doesn’t rely on you constantly having to sell more things!
If you missed the Race to Recurring Revenue challenge that my friend Lisa Johnson was running last week then I highly recommend that you check it out. You’ve got time to catch up and start thinking about these things by attending her Masterclass tonight at 8.00pm UK. You can join at https://bit.ly/franrecurring
In it she goes into the 5 things you need to make recurring revenue online. (If you’re listening to this after then just drop me a message on Instagram @imfranexcell)
She knows her stuff and in it she’s going to talk about her programme One To Many. You’ve probably heard me talk about it many times before. I’ve been a participant, a pod leader, the mindset expert within the programme twice and a partner on it 3 times.
It’s everything you need to be able to create yourself a sustainable business model. Create recurring revenue streams, build an audience, write copy, sell, it’s all in there. Think of it as business 101 with the dots connected!
You’ll get a TONNE of information that you can go and implement just from the masterclass.
But, If you DO decide to join the programme you’ll get more than the investment from the course in bonuses from me too as a partner!
You’ll have me literally in your corner to guide you through it. Accountability, support, mindset gremlin taming…BOOM!
If you’re on my email list you’ll have already had a sneak peak of those. You can find them at https://bit.ly/fransOTMbonuses
So you could have both me AND Lisa in your corner. That’s a LOT of business knowledge right there. She went from £30k in debt to £4.5m per year in 4 years. I’ve seen the number of people who get results from her work.
Combine that with the mindset work and my experience then you really are onto a winner.
So the question becomes, have you put you as the most important asset in your business right now? If not, what are you going to do to change that?
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| 19 Jul 2021 | How To Not Stop Before You Start! | 00:12:06 | |
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How to not stop before you start!
When we have SO many mindset gremlins running wild and having a party in our heads, how do you make sure you don’t stop before you start?
Last week the tech gremlins were wreaking HAVOC with me, but it ended up being a really good thing because I got the opportunity to show lots of people that...tech happens! Things can and will go wrong, all the time in your business. But the thing that stops people is the fear of it happening, without realising they’re the ones in control of how they react to it.
Because the ‘thing’ happening isn’t actually the scary part.
The scary part is what we unconsciously make that mean about us.
That’s the scary part of MOST things in business...and in life!
If this happens, then that happens. How many times have you created a story around something like that?
When you don’t have awareness, you can’t challenge it. So it stays. As a fact. Running the show!
So here’s a few things that happened to me last week. I must add I'm a complete technophobe. That’s not strictly fair, once I've learned I'm pretty good but the learning piece for me is excruciating and I stay consciously incompetant for far longer than I'd like. But I'm aware of it. So now I outsource pretty much all of my tech. Which makes me very happy indeed!
So...first up, my email system went haywire and wouldn’t let me send my Wednesday email to my list. Every week they get my nuggets of ‘wisdom’ into their inboxes and last week...computer literally said NO!
I was trying to create it and it was doing this weird thing where you couldn’t type into the body of the email. You also couldn’t type into the help chat box. A nightmare for a technophobe!
I just want you to take a second to think about how you’d feel and what you’d do in that moment.
We’re hammered with ‘consistency is key’ a lot in the online business world, and to an extent it’s true. But if you miss an email, or you miss an episode, there won’t be a revolt!
People might wonder where it is, some people might not notice. But it DOESN’T mean that everyone is going to unfollow you and you’ll be dead to them.
It doesn’t mean anything about you.
It doesn’t mean this is the end of your business.
It doesn’t really mean anything other than you didn’t get an email, or an episode, or an instagram post out.
I still don’t know if it will let me send an email this week...but really, what can I do?
I can let people know and bring them along the frustrating journey with me.
I can try to see the funny side and let them laugh with me at the ridiculousness of a technophobe not being able to do the most basic of things and send an email.
Sitting there wondering if I'd pressed a button on my laptop, or I'd locked something by accident.
AND, guess what...by talking about it on my stories one of my lovely audience members messaged me and said ‘are you with X CRM software’, which I was, and she said ‘I’m in a group and lots of other people are talking about the same thing’!
Cue instant relief. It wasn’t me. It was a ‘bug in the system’ which happens!
I’ve now joined that helpful group so I can go there next time to see if it’s just me.
Don’t let something paralyse you, or allow you to make up a negative story in your head that just isn’t true. If something happens, ask yourself, ‘what could I do right now that could help me figure this out?’ Tech is SUCH a biggie that holds people back...but if I can do it, you can do it I promise. Don’t let it intimidate you. There are courses, memberships, communities for all the softwares out there. There are also usually amazing step by step, click along with me tutorials on youtube. Just make sure you type in the year so you don’t get one that’s outdated.
PLUS...you can OUTSOURCE it YEAY!
There is a steep learning curve but you won’t stay there forever.
The other tech gremlin I had is one that would have sent the fear of god into many.
Facey B was playing silly beggars while I was live to 1200 people.
And I'm SO glad it happened.
Let me tell you why.
So, I'm the mindset mentor inside Lisa Johnson’s One To Many programme. Every Thursday I put in a post to see what gremlins are bothering people and how I can help. Then I’m supposed to go live and answer all the questions.
Sounds pretty simple.
It is when Facey B isn’t being glitchy. So there I am mid flow, getting into my vibe and I see all these messages popping up saying the video keeps pausing...uh oh!
It’s doing it for some people but not all.
I look at my internet connection, full bars, all good. So what the fudge is going on?
So I keep chatting, then people say it’s all good now, so I continue.
It happens again!
So now I've got two choices. Totally abandon ship or improvise.
So I stopped the live and said hold fire. I messaged Lisa and said are you ok if I post a zoom link, she said yes...so that’s what I did!
No glitches, no pauses, totally fine. It’s up in the membership area for people to see.
No harm no foul.
It was GREAT that happened because there are SO many people in there who fear tech, who fear things going wrong so they had the opportunity to see exactly how I handled it and that it really wasn’t that bad.
That you can laugh about it with the audience together and it can actually create more relatability.
The tech isn’t going to be perfect. Things are going to go wrong. One person said ‘I loved seeing how you handled that because I didn’t think ANY of the things I assumed my audience would if it happened to me.’ What a gift!
This is also why I encourage you to find safe spaces that you can practice. And think about what you’d do if the tech doesn’t play ball in advance.
So, if you’re listening in and feeling like the tech, or things going wrong is holding you back. Go a little deeper.
What are the assumptions you’re projecting onto your audience?
If these glitches were to happen to you, what story are you telling yourself around it and what would happen?
What are you making that mean about your business, and about you?
Sometimes it can be really simple things that are holding us back that if we dig a little deeper we can work around quickly.
Don’t keep them in your unconscious mind, get curious so you can challenge them!
I hope if you’ve been struggling with this at all that it inspires you to take a leap of faith and give it a go.
Fx
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| 20 Dec 2021 | End Of Year Thoughts | 00:13:04 | |
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End of year thoughts
As we go into Christmas week I always like to put my thoughts out in a little round up style thingy, with some added food for thought before we take a break until the new year.
It’s been a big year for so many. We have to acknowledge, the last 2 years have all weirdly blurred into one and so many people are tired.
So many people are burned out.
So many people are over it and wondering how things will ever go back to some semblance of normal.
So many people are missing another Christmas with loved ones.
It’s a lot.
It’s ok to acknowledge that.
You can feel the hurt and still be grateful for other things.
We also need to acknowledge that most of us have probably been living in some kind of perpetual state of fight, flight or freeze since March 2019.
We might be feeling extra angry, snappy, frustrated and agitated in fight.
We might be avoiding things or isolating ourselves in flight.
Or we might be in all out shut down, numbing and dissociating in various ways in freeze.
We are not built to live that way for long periods of time..
It’s exhausting. It’s draining.
The brain and nervous system craves and seeks certainty and to repeat the familiar. That’s been pretty tough to find.
But you’re still here.
Look what you’ve made it through!
Take a minute to really look at what you’ve achieved this year.
Notice what you feel in your body when I talk about achievement too.
You may not feel like you’ve achieved much this year but I reiterate. You’re still here.
It may not be something financial, it may not be a milestone, it may just be taking a second to acknowledge yourself for something you overcame.
You’ve made it through homeschooling. Uncertainty. Constant change.
You may have had your best year ever and you get to not feel guilty about that!
You may be enjoying the fact that the social shenanigans and obligations are being cancelled left, right and centre.
You get to feel that!
You get to feel ANYTHING you feel. It’s valid and has its place, don’t get tied up in ‘shoulds’ or other people’s opinions, including mine!
We can also find some positives.
We’re operating less on auto-pilot than we ever have. Even though that’s more tiring, it’s allowing us to question things and find better ways of doing things. Ways that serve us better.
We’re learning to challenge ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings.
The conversation is more loud and alive than ever when it comes to mental health. We’re being more honest and open.
We’re learning to embrace the unfamiliar.
We’re learning resilience.
We’re learning that we can do hard things.
We’re learning just how capable we are.
So however you’re feeling right now. Be proud. You’ve made it.
Go into this holiday period remembering to ask yourself, ‘what do I want, and what do I need right now?’
For lots of us that will mean rest.
Guilt free rest.
I know that’s harder for some than others to get.
But I'd love for you to challenge yourself with a small shift in thinking.
Instead of going through the motions of doing what you’ve always done, by yourself or in your family unit.
Instead of listening to the ‘I can’ts’ that are there purely because you haven’t before, or perhaps you’ve felt you can’t ask for help or you’re just operating from ‘it’s always been that way’.
Reframe that ‘I can’t’ to a question for yourself of ‘how could i?’ How could I get that thing I want and need? What's a different way I just might be able to achieve it?
Allow yourself to sit with the question and see what comes up.
Notice yourself shutting down your thinking and keep asking.
It’s my favourite thing to do in a challenge. There’s always another way to look at something or do something.
The end of the year can feel tough because often people are heading head first into burnout. Then we expect things to magically change on the 1st of January.
But we all know it doesn’t work that way…Then we shame ourselves and should all over ourselves, it’s cold AND the festive cheer has gone and there’s only so many times you can say Happy New Year, did you have a nice break before it gets weird!
So I’ve put a little something together for you all. I’m often asked how I started my little ‘journey’ from Eeyore on a bad day, the world's biggest anxiety ridden catastrophiser, the emotional dementor in the room to someone who can host a show called the Positive Pants Podcast and be the Fran 2.0 that you see today.
Well, I'm gonna help you with that by showing you!
I got inspired by all the advent calendar and 12 days of Christmas excitement and thought….why does the fun have to stop in January?
Why can’t we still get gifts in January?
Who made up that rule?!
So I'm running The Positive Pants January Jumpstart.
Every day in January you’ll get a short and sweet email from me.
In that email might be a tool or a technique, maybe a prompt, maybe a reframe or a book recommendation, all sorts that I've picked up since 2014 through my personal and professional experience.
Essentially I'm going to help you along on the journey to start rewiring your brain through neuroplasticity by doing one small thing every day.
Nothing taxing or strenuous.
Bringing it back to basics and keeping it simple.
That’s how I started.
I was in such a state, no self esteem left, ego on the floor, an emotional wreck after losing our business, our home, a car crash I was very lucky to walk away from, knee surgery that went badly, moving in with my mother in law and no idea how anything was ever going to get better.
It was the hardest time in my life, and the one I'm most grateful for!
I just challenged myself to do one small thing per day. Read one thing and try to live by it for that day.
So that’s what I'm giving you. Just one small thing per day. Things that I know WORK!
No self blaming or shaming. No complicated routines, you don’t have to get up at 5am. All you need to do is open the email and either do the small task or keep what it says front of mind for the day.
That’s it.
Small changes are the ones that lead to the profound changes.
I’d LOVE for you to join me!
If you’re already on my email list you’re going to get this and you don’t need to do a thing. You can just sit back, relax and i’ll see you on the first of January.
If you’re NOT on my email list head to https://bit.ly/fransjumpstart. If you’re hearing this pre-January the first, you’ll get everything from the first. If you’re hearing this after January the first please do still join you’ll just get the next day’s email.
I really hope you love it and it brightens your inbox just a little.
In the meantime, thank you so much for listening. I’m truly truly grateful for each and every person who tunes in, subscribes, shares on social, recommends to friends, leaves a review and allows me to continue running this little baby of mine.
I had no idea what to expect when I started this little project. Now it’s been listened to over 300,000 times all over the world and I could not be more grateful!
Have an amazing Christmas and New Year and I’ll see you back here on the 3rd January for our 4th birthday.
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| 21 Mar 2022 | Is It Really About The Money? | 00:16:44 | |
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Is It Really About The Money?
Is it really about the money?
We might THINK it’s about the money but it very rarely is.
(I’m going to let your brain ascertain what ‘it’ is in this context, it could be why you want to start a business, why you stay in your job or want a promotion, something that’s triggering you right now when it comes to money, why you want it etc etc)
We might think it’s because we want fancy things or the latest apple product or holidays away or a boat.
Whatever it might be for you, It’s probably not actually the money you want.
It’s the FEELING having that money gives you.
It’s the FEELING that having those things money can buy you.
So when we get honest about what it is we’re really chasing it gives us a lot more control over it, and how you FEEL about not having it in the meantime.
It actually, more often than not, makes it way more achievable when we’re honest about what it is we really want and why we want it.
It means that you can let go of some of the goals other people tell you you SHOULD want and can see the more achievable goals as WAY more attainable so you can actually take action.
Quite often when we have a monetary goal that feels so wildly out of the realm of possibility, yet other people are making it look easy to get, and therefore you feel pants about YOURself because you aren’t there yet, our nervous system will get involved big time.
All the gremlins bubble up to the surface because it’s not ‘safe’ for you to take action yet. If you’ve always lived on the breadline and you suddenly decide you’re going to be a millionaire, it’s going to send you all the self doubt so you don’t take action.
This is why it’s important to figure out the underlying programmes that are running.
People think they want money but what they really want is to feel a certain way about their life and about themselves.
What is that feeling you’re chasing?
Could you get it somewhere else?
People get blinded in the online education industry by the big lofty promises.
There’s nothing wrong with big lofty goals. I love a big lofty goal. If you’re honest about why you want it, what it really brings you AND that you don’t beat yourself up the entire journey to get there.
The trouble is when you’re associating those big lofty goals with your sense of identity and how you validate yourself. You attach a number to your self worth.
So until you hit it, your self worth takes a knock.
It might be reinforcing something you already think about yourself, or it could be causing you to think negative things about yourself and tell yourself a story that you aren’t there yet because you aren’t good enough.
Particularly if you see other people claiming they have already hit that goal. You wonder why you aren’t there yet.
We’ve been trained as a society to value money. To value wealth. Therefore, if you don’t have it you’re less than. So we chased it.
But we chase it because we don’t want to feel ‘less than’, less ‘worthy’, not good enough.
That might be your salary, a figure in your business income.
But actually, even though it’s POSSIBLE for you to have a 7 figure business, do you really want it?
Do you want what comes with it?
Might you actually be super happy with an £80k income? Might you be able to live the life you want to with less than that?
We have to start dealing in truths with ourselves.
It’s painful to beat yourself up and feel less than on the journey to your lofty goals.
So what are you telling yourself having that money gives you? Physically and emotionally.
What are you telling yourself having that new car or designer handbag gives you?
What are you telling yourself having that money takes away from or for you?
What are you telling yourself having the fancy car or designer swag takes away?
Does having these things give you a feeling of self worth? Does it make you feel validated as a human? Does it make you feel like you’ll be more likeable or loveable? Does it make you feel like you’ll be less lonely?
Will it really give you that?
What else could give you that?
How could you have those feelings right now?
It’s so so important to deal in truth when we’re running businesses, chasing goals or figuring out what we want. Releasing other people’s expectations, releasing external validation, really figuring out the reality of what our goals are and what’s really the most important thing to us.
So What are you REALLY chasing and is it really about the money?
For me when I was starting my business I THOUGHT it was about the potential money I could make. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE money but for me, as i’ve said a million times before, it was about peace, ease and flexibility.
That’s MORE important than the money to me. Those are the way I want to FEEL in myself.
I’ve created that with way less money than I thought I would need to feel it.
I’ve shifted my goals too. They’re actually not as lofty as they used to be.
I don’t need them to be!
If there’s a way for me to achieve those goals WITHOUT compromising on the peace, ease and flexibility then you can bet your bottom dollar i’ll find it eventually.
But for now it’s not what I want. I know it’s POSSIBLE. But I'm CHOOSING that it’s not actually what I want.
I know that it doesn’t make me ‘less than’ or less worthy or less valued as a human being than the person who is hitting those income goals.
It means we want different things!
How much more freeing is that?
The only person who gets to validate my worth is me. And the only person in charge of yours is you!
It’s not really about the money at all. It’s how you view yourself and your place in this world.
So I would LOVE for you to start looking at your business and your goals from this perspective.
If you’ve been wanting to start a business or shift the way it works so that you can have more freedom and flexibility then please do yourself a favour and sign up to my friend Lisa Johnsons’ famous Race to Recurring Revenue challenge that starts today (21st March 2022)
4 days to see things differently and shift your perspective on what’s possible (you only need a maximum of an hour per day) You have until 3rd April to complete it and she gives away tonnes of prizes too.
I believe everyone has a recurring revenue stream or two in them.
People challenged me on this last year because I always say to consider my DMs on instagram open for the duration for brainstorming!
Some people came into my inbox saying ‘I really can’t think of a way to create a recurring revenue stream with what I do or what I want to do, and I haven’t had one yet where I've not been able to come up with something.
Mine are my SOS! Programme, The Positive Pants Toolkit app and community, The Mentorship that I run with Dawni Baxter and Abi Hugo and I also have some print on demand products on amazon and 1:1 retainers.
I can be out and about and get pings of payments into my bank account, it’s glorious! It means even if I have to take a step back I can. Anyways, If you’re an avid regular listener you already know this…and if you’re new here…hi, sign up to the challenge!
You can join the challenge at https://bit.ly/franrecurring
Imagine what your life could look like with an extra £500, £1000, £5000 or more per month.
Not just the things you can buy with that, but how would that make you FEEL?
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| 29 Oct 2018 | 042 - Let Go Of Perfectionism | 00:10:07 | |
Let go of perfectionismShow note links: For more on this head to: https://www.franexcell.com/perfectionism/ For more information or to apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind: https://www.franexcell.com/proactivepants/ Book in a discovery call: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/ Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
Let go of perfectionism
Perfectionism is a BIG mindset gremlin when it comes to getting yourself and your business out there into the big wide world.
It’s a HUGE thing that I see holding people back in their businesses all the time.
I can tell you now it’s a sure fire way to never get started. Or to just carry on making yourself ‘busy being busy’ and not actually getting anywhere.
Let’s call it out for what it is...a big fat way to procrastinate!
It’s sneaky because it LOOKS like you’re being productive and ‘doing all the things’...but you’re not.
Let’s be honest
You know as well as I do if you’re waiting for something to be perfect it’s never going to get out into the world.
But what is perfect really?
How can something be perfect when perfection is completely relative to the person looking at it? It just doesn’t exist!
You couldn’t achieve something that every single person that laid eyes on it would love in equal measure, it just doesn’t happen. Everybody has an opinion...and they are all different.
Take marmite, to some people it is perfection in a jar...to me it’s the devils food and I can’t be far enough away from it!
If they had waited for everyone to think it’s perfection in a jar before they actually put it out into the world it would not be the multi billion pound product that it is today!
So why do we chase perfection?
Despite all of this we strive and strive and strive for it but all it really is is one big delay tactic for whatever is lying underneath.
Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a fear of failure, a fear of success, judgement.
Whatever it may be it’s stopping you in your tracks, keeping you stuck and not letting you move forward.
So how do we tackle Perfectionism?
Well, I’ve told you the first part already! ;-) Realise and remind yourself that perfection doesn’t exist.
What’s the real reason?
Next is identify what your fear or belief is about you putting yourself or your product out there now? Awareness is half the battle! It’s the first point. It’s where change comes from. So get curious and keep asking yourself until you find it.
Where would you be?
Ask yourself where you’d be if you just put the thing out there now and then just tweaked it over time? BUT it’s OUT there!
What could it bring into your life? Clients? Sales? Would it build authority or your audience?
Will it ever be ‘done’?
Next question, do you genuinely ever believe you’ll be ‘done’? It will be perfect? Can you see yourself after ‘just one more tweak’ actually pressing go?
So here’s the thing. The best way to stop perfectionism is to...stop being a perfectionist, just stop doing it!! Catch yourself when you know you’re not putting something out there because it’s not quite PERFECT yet and push the button, get it live.
Train your brain that it’s all good
It feels uncomfortable but when you do this you train your brain to know it’s ok for things to be done, not perfect and you’ll find new levels of productivity when you can let go of that belief.
It will get easier and easier and you’ll break the habit of perfectionism and form a new one of taking action and tweaking over time. Which sounds more fun Hmmm?
Waste not want not!
Next, just realise how much time you’re wasting. If you added together all the time you’re tweaking, changing, doubting. What else could you have done in that time? What else could already be in your life if you’d pressed go earlier?
Remember why!
You always need to have WHY you’re doing something in mind to get it done. Connect back to WHY you’re creating what you’re creating, what’s the end goal? What will it bring into your life? What difference could it make to someone else’s? Who are you delaying helping by not getting it out into the world?
Best vs Worst
What is the absolute best case scenario for you and your business if you DON’T get it done? What’s the worst?
What is the absolute best case scenario if you DO get it done? What’s the worst? IS it really that bad?
What would you tell your Bestie?
If your friend was the one delaying getting something awesome out into the world, what would you be saying to them?
‘Yes you should probably wait until that’s absolutely perfect before you do ANYTHING with it!’
Hang on, are we talking my version of perfect, or your version of perfect? I’m confused?!...You see where I’m going here yes?
The bottom line is once you can understand why you’re struggling with perfectionism, understand that perfect doesn’t exist and catch yourself in those moments of awareness this mindset gremlin is 100% tameable. The more you put yourself out there the easier it gets.
Remember it’s a reason to delay and it’s holding you back. There will never be the point of perfection that you’re happy to put it out in the world. Whether its a product, a programme, a lead magnet or going live on facebook. Waiting and striving for perfection is a sure fire way to keep yourself stuck right where you are.
BUT, it’s totally sortable!
If you know this is something that’s holding you back then The Proactive Pants Mastermind could be perfect for you. We will be able to identify this behaviour in the moment and move you past it.
We take things week by week. We will work out what that underlying fear is and move you FORWARDS. With me in your corner and the rest of the amazing ladies in the group already pushing past this stuff and having INCREDIBLE wins.
If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner lady you know you can be!! All the details are in the links below and I hope to see you on the other side.
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| 18 Jun 2018 | 023 - How We Self Sabotage And How To Stop It | 00:19:08 | |
How We Self Sabotage And How To Overcome It What is self sabotage? It’s literally when you sabotage yourself either consciously or unconsciously. It’s anything that gets in our way to achieving what we want to, that we have put in our way ourselves. This can be thoughts, actions, behaviour, emotions, anything really that actively puts the kibosh on getting where we want to be.It’s when you bump into a conflict with yourself. It’s our brain keeping us all nice and cosy inside our comfort zones. So the thing with self sabotage is that although it will actively stop you achieving what you want to….it’s also your little protection mechanism for when you don’t! It gives you your reasons and excuses for why things haven’t happened and internally let’s you off the hook. Procrastination The cavernous pit between intention and action. You know you really WANT to do the thing….you just can’t seem to make yourself. I’ve got you covered here you can download my procrastination buster at the bottom of the page and i’ll give you some of the core reasons you’re procrastinating, how to push through it and a bonus workbook for the sticky moments to help you connect all the important dots. I hate to tell you, you just have to take action! (You can read more tips and tricks to get through procrastination in episode 2…unless you’re procrastinating by reading it…in which case STOP!)
Excuses Excuses are GREAT for making ourselves feel better about a situation. They give us permission to not take action. It makes it easier to live with NOT doing something and that it’s not our ‘fault’. Here’s a few that may be keeping you stuck. I’m not clever enough (this was one of mine!), I don’t have time, I’m not confident, I’m not pretty enough, all the I cant’s, negative I am’s and all the ‘ not enoughs.’ They’re all rubbish and all changeable you have to just get honest. I have a tonne of content that can blast all of these out of the water, you just have to WANT to. I learned to push through every single one and so can you. Blaming other people and not taking responsibility is one of the biggest excuses I see. If you take responsibility you take back control!
Letting Fear And Mindset Gremlins Take Hold There are a million fears and mindset gremlins that come up and stop us from taking any perceived ‘risks’ or moving towards something that is unknown. The brain likes certainty and all the big things you want to achieve don’t come with that YET. You need to show your brain what’s possible and trust me it will get easier and easier to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I’ve got more on this in episodes 11 and 22)
Not Taking Action You MUST take action. You can know alllll the things but if you don’t then DO the thing then you’re wasting your time, energy and effort. It’s HARD, I hear you, trust me BUT you have to push through it and not listen to the ‘what if’s and the ‘maybes’ and get moving. Make a decision and just MOVE.
Worrying About All The Things That ‘Might’ Happen As a recovering pessimistic worrier you can absolutely nip this in the bud. Ask yourselves these questions when you find yourself worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. Who is it helping to think this way? Who is it harming to think this way? Do I have any control over this situation right now? What’s the best and worst case scenario if you DO do it? What’s the best and worst case scenario if you DON’T do it?
Comparing Ourselves To Other People Comparison is the thief of joy as you well know. Stop doing it! You’re not comparing like for like, you never can. You can look at people who have what you want and let it drive your ambition but it’s never the full story and there will always be something that they do or have that doesn’t sit right with you. You do you…there’s no other option and there’s no other you so own it and stop comparing your 10th step to someone else’s 10,000th!
Setting Goals So Un Achievable We’re Setting Ourselves Up To Fail I know people always say reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars and i’m a big believer in setting yourself lofty goals but don’t set them SO high that they’re un achievable and make you quit before you’ve even started and then use that as an excuse to not try again. The A in SMART goals is ACHIEVABLE. If someone else has done it then you can!
Not Getting Enough Sleep Your brain needs sleep. Don’t buy into the hustle hustle hustle mentality. Yes it’s work, yes it’s effort but if you don’t get enough sleep you KNOW how you’ll feel and how unproductive you’ll be so try and be strict with yourself and get your 8 hours. Your brain needs to process your memories, solidify your learning and recharge, so let it…then you can work to the best of your ability.
Eating Badly And Drinking Too Much I know that i’m my least productive when i’ve had any alcohol…the next day it’s like I can’t achieve anything. I don’t actually drink very much anymore because of this. If i’m celebrating or there’s a special occasion I will ALWAYS be mindful of what work needs to be done the next day and use that as my booze barometer! The eating element too. I’m consciously trying to be more mindful of what I eat and how I feel after I eat it. When I eat rubbish I feel rubbish. This is one of my favourite ways to self sabotage but i’m working on it and I KNOW i’ll get there.
Not Doing The Things We Know We Want/Need To…Then Regretting It I always try to live by regret what you do not what you don’t do. But in all honestly I don’t have regrets any more at all because I know there will always be a lesson in there somewhere…so the bottom line here is there is only regret in not taking action…so go take action.
Fearing Change There are a lot of fears on this crazy entrepreneurial journey but one you absolutely need to smash through is fearing change. It’s going to happen. Stop focusing on what could be a change for the negative and focus on what could be a change for the positive.
Analysis Paralysis OK on this one the only way through is to make a decision and take action. You will drive yourself insane otherwise. Listen to your intuition about what is the right decision and make it, you’re over complicating it, take it back to basics. Get someone else to help you out of it if you know you struggle with this. (Hellooooo mindset coach right here!!)
Not Prioritising Getting stuck in ‘research’ mode rather than doing something that may move the needle. Getting into overwhelm because you have ‘too much’ on your plate. This one requires a high level of honesty with what actually needs to be done and when. Be honest about your priorities. Always ask yourself what would happen if it didn’t get done at all? Analyse the best and worst case scenarios of if you do or don’t do the task. That will give you your priority. (find out more tips check out episode 19)
Being Negative About Ourselves And Our Situation Negative thoughts and emotions are going to get you nowhere FAST. This is how I self sabotaged myself for YEARS and it was something I really didn’t like about myself because it spills out into all areas of your life and can make you bitter and all sorts of other things you don’t want to be. Find your positive pants and kick this to the curb NOW! (Find out why in episode 20)
Perfectionism You will never achieve perfect. This is just another form of procrastination. It’s very pretty procrastination….but it is procrastination. You need to let go of any fear you have behind something not being perfect and actually realise that most people relate to the imperfect, human version of you anyway….so make that perfection instead!
Dwelling On The Past The past is gone, the future’s not here yet. What do you have more control over? You can only control the present. Whatever has happened in the past look for all the positives about it, what did you learn, where did it lead you? If you can look at it with gratitude rather than resentment then you’re golden! Onwards and upwards for you my friend!
WAYS THOUGH SELF SABOTAGE
Talk to someone who’s been there and overcome it. Stop trying to do it on your own.
Become aware of WHEN you’re self sabotaging and WHAT is triggering it. Awareness is the key to all change.
Self sabotage stems from a lack of self belief or low confidence. So work on that. Just because you don’t feel confident right now, that doesn’t have to be your story forever.
The bottom line is that YOU are in control of this. YOU are in the driver’s seat and YOU can decide where you’re going. You just have to want it enough!
If you want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability then come join me in my private community below or book in a free discovery call to see if we’re a good fit to work together and get you out of self sabotage and into action taking to get the life you really want...it’s waiting!!! For more information on this topic head over to https://www.franexcell.com/selfsabotage/
Book in a discovery call with me: https://calendly.com/franexcell/30min
To join my Free Facebook Community for daily mindset tips and tricks: https://www.facebook.com/groups/franexcellcommunity/
Download your Free Procrastination Buster here: https://franexcell.lpages.co/procrastinationbuster/
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| 18 Jul 2022 | Why you are not your thoughts! | 00:10:59 | |
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Why You Are Not Your Thoughts
You are not your thoughts. I’m sure you’ve heard that before.
Sounds great right?
But what does it really mean?
It’s another of those things that becomes ‘buzzy’ to the point that people ignore it.
This one is REALLY not to be ignored.
When you really, truly grasp this concept some pretty huge things happen.
That nasty little voice that’s been talking to you your whole life starts to get strangely quiet.
You’re less judgy of yourself.
You’re less judgy of others.
You’re able to respond instead of react.
You understand yourself at a deep level.
You understand your behaviour.
You find self compassion and confidence.
It will reduce your stress, especially overwhelm and anxiety.
So I thought it might be worth digging into with you today.
So what does ‘you are not your thoughts’ really mean then?
First we need to understand that our thoughts lead to our feelings, our feelings drive our behaviour and then our actions create our results.
So it’s easy to see how easily we believe our thoughts. Because we create self fulfilling prophecies all the time through this very loop. When we do that we take it as proof and evidence that the original thought was indeed correct.
So if we think something negative about ourselves, that will create feelings and emotions. Perhaps apathy, disgust, frustration, shame.
Then THIS is the place that we’re taking action from.
So if you’re coming from a place where all this negative stuff is true about yourself, what might you do?
Perhaps not take an opportunity that’s right in front of you or go after that thing you really want, because what would be the point anyway, right?
Then what happens?
The results are, you don’t get the thing!
And of course that then proves the original thought ‘right’ and ‘true’.
Then rinse and repeat over decades and take it on as your identity.
We apparently have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day, most of which are negative in some way. And repetitive.
So we’re just constantly playing these loops and accepting them as truth about who we are.
But, here’s the thing…You do not have to believe your thoughts.
You can also argue back to your thoughts and your ego. But only once you observe them and realise that YOU are the one observing them.
Your thoughts drive your behaviour. Your brain and your nervous system always want to keep you alive. So, what if I told you that not only do your thoughts create the emotions that drive your behaviour by sending the signals to your body to release certain neuro chemicals. But that also, your nervous system will create your thoughts. You often FEEL things before you think them.
Think about it (see what I did there!), if the aim of the game is to keep you safe and keep you simply repeating behaviours you’ve already rehearsed and repeated as safe then why would it not send thoughts like ‘who do you think you are to do this?’ or ‘You’re not good enough’. Because what actions would those kinds of thoughts lead to?
You not doing the thing, right??
Getting you back into the rehearsed and repeated familiar.
Which is exactly what will keep you alive according to your brain and nervous system.
It’s not about good, bad, right or wrong for you. There isn’t a moral compass outside of keeping you alive.
When you can recognise what they are there for. Your own safety. However missguided. It can help you zoom out from those thoughts and not get consumed by them. Realise it’s just a habitual thought.
You might even eventually be able to find them funny in their ridiculousness.
But in the same way that we allow our negative thoughts to take over our lives, think about the power to do that with the positive ones?
Not denying the negative and toxic positivity-ing yourself. But allowing you to actually question and decide which ones you take on for yourself.
You are not your thoughts. You are the person listening to your thoughts. What if you gave yourself that little extra degree of separation?This is something that practicing mindfulness really helps us to do.
A really helpful exercise to help create this separation of you from your thoughts is stream of consciousness journaling.
You can do this morning, evening, or both, or even just when you need to ‘get out of your head’ for a minute. Grab your journal and write down each thought as it comes up. It will look bizarre. Something like ‘I want a cup of tea. Oooh my leg itches. I wonder who first decided to milk a cow. I can’t see, where are my glasses. I have to speak to X person today. What shall I have for lunch?’ you get the idea.
You’ll have a lot of gobbledegook but you also might find some nuggets in there that could be a clue as to why you might be feeling a certain way. You can also then see it for what it is and then combat against it with conscious, rational thinking, getting you out of auto pilot.
Another exercise is to ask yourself, what could be the highest positive intention of this thought? Again, it’s getting you to start to deal in truth and reality. Is it an unconscious protection mechanism? What happens if you believe or obey the thought and what happens if you don’t?
It’s always your version of reality. Not reality itself. This is why self awareness is so, so key to making any changes in life.
So much of this is learning to be more conscious. When you’re more conscious you’re using your prefrontal cortex. The CEO of your brain. This is where conscious, rational thinking, choice and decision making live and this is where you get to challenge and change your thoughts. It’s about getting off of autopilot. Then you consciously repeat the thoughts and rehearse the beliefs you do want and wire them into autopilot.
This is why Notice is the first step in my NICER framework for lasting change. You have to notice the thoughts instead of BEING the thoughts or being consumed by them.
This is how I totally changed my life. Conscious intention. Noticing my thoughts instead of BEING my thoughts. Rinse and repeat.
Practicing being present and in the now. Most of our thoughts tend to be about the past or the future, right? So what if they were just about where you are right in this moment. Can you see how that could make a difference?
Thoughts are not you, they are something you experience. They are also symptoms or clues for something else that can be changed to serve you better.
You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. You are also more in control of them than you believe.
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| 27 Mar 2023 | Reframing 'Wasted' Time | 00:10:14 | |
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Reframing Wasting’ Time
Fear about ‘wasting time’ is something I'm hearing time and time again at the moment. Pun intended.
As a society we’re so wired to be busy and rushing around all the time. People often wear it as a badge of honour.
If you’re not busy then you’re doing something wrong.
Thinking this way has taken away some of the simple joys in life for many so I wanted to do a little reframing of the ways that people might perceive to be ‘wasting’ time that in fact, are doing wonders for our mental, and physical health.
I’d love that the next time you allow yourself to ‘waste’ some yourself, that you feel good about it.
Mathematician and philosopher Bertrand Russel said it best when he said, ‘The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.’
As always, this is nuanced. There are some very real reasons that we fear this. Often chaos is encoded into our nervous system as the baseline of safety so it's always going to seek it in order to stay alive.
This is where deep healing work and self awareness comes into play and if you think that might be going on I highly recommend talking with your therapist about it and doing some research because it’s actually very common.
It’s also very changeable but it starts with the self awareness to recognise that you find it incredibly difficult to allow yourself to rest or relax.
I do feel like the tide is turning with the rise of JOMO, Joy Of Missing Out.
I believe the only ‘wasted’ time is the time where you TELL yourself you’re wasting it and then by proxy, don’t enjoy it.
I hear people all the time saying they’re giving themselves time to relax, but when you dig a little deeper, that time ‘relaxing’ was actually spent mentally beating yourself up.
Or overthinking something you need to do and have been putting off.
Or researching something you’re going to do.
We can even look at the time we spend looking after ourselves as wasted time too.
So what do we do about this?
As usual it’s good old self awareness for the win.
Imagine that moment when the guilt switched to realising you’re enjoying yourself, and ALLOWING it to happen.
What would you do?
Would you chase some creative pursuits or start learning a new skill…even if you’re rubbish at it to begin with?
What are you wiring in?
You’re wiring that it’s ok to not nail something on the first try. You’re wiring that it’s beneficial and enjoyable to have a beginner's mind. You’re wiring that you can GET good at something over time.
Would you spend time reading?
What are you wiring in?
You’re wiring that it’s ok to take time for you. You’re wiring that you are allowed to take time for something you enjoy. Whether it’s learning with non-fiction or a little escapism with fiction.
Would you be able to spend time with friends or family, even if you did nothing in particular?
I love doing this. Just chilling out with friends. Whether it’s spending a whole day in the pub just chatting, or having a pajama party and watching a movie.
Some people might consider that wasted time and that you should ‘do’ more with it, but I really believe the opposite.
I believe these times are SO important because it allows you to just be!
Not have to perform in any way. Be nothing and no one but totally yourself. Be in the company of people you love.
There’s so much pressure around us to ‘be’ or ‘do’ or ‘perform’ a certain way when a lot of the time our bodies or minds are screaming out to do less and rest more.
The only way out of this cycle is awareness.
As you’re thinking about things that you have often previously thought of as ‘wasting’ your time, even if you enjoyed it, what comes to mind for you?
What would you do more of if you didn’t think of it that way?
What would be on your ‘wasting time’ list?
How much more joy would it bring into your life?
What difference could or would it make to how you feel?
How can you bring your inner child in to play with it too?
What did you LOVE doing as a kid that you stopped?
Could you get back into it?
The bottom line is if it’s something you enjoy doing, it’s NOT wasted time.
Cliche as it sounds we really do only get this one life. You’re all here because you want to feel more positive right?
It can be so much easier than we think and it starts with awareness, curiosity and the willingness to challenge your, other people’s and society’s opinions.
Call BS on what you don’t agree with and go chase that joy!
If joy lives in chilling out, peace, ease and flexibility like it does for me…amazing.
If joy lives in sitting in nature just watching and listening to the scenery…amazing.
If joy lives in taking yourself for dinner by yourself or people watching in cafes…amazing.
If joy for you lives in spending hours learning a new skill and still being bad at it…amazing!
If joy for you lives in doodling in notebooks that will never see the light of day…amazing.
If joy lives in writing, with no intention of ever publishing…amazing.
If joy for you lives in naps and pajama parties for one…amazing.
We really need to get to know ourselves on a far deeper level and give ourselves permission to do the things we enjoy.
Knowledge really is power in this instance.
You just need to see this behaviour in your kids to see the happiness it brings, the good that it does and development it creates.
The same still applies as adults! We just lost that gift over time due to other people’s and societies opinions of what we ‘should’ be doing with our time and what counts as high value or low value tasks.
We get to take that decision back.
Nothing you enjoy doing is ever wasted time! Let go of the guilt and do more of it!
See how much of a difference it makes.
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