In this week's episode, Brooke Collins and I are reviewing 12 step homework we did from steps 4-6. The books we use are the  “Alcoholics Anonymous” book and the “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” which can be accessed for free at AA.org

Just a reminder that we do not represent AA and we are simply sharing our combined experience of 37 years of continuous sobriety, which for us means abstinence.

I do have one request for you who are listening today. If you are enjoying this series, and past guest episodes, please take a few minutes to rate and review the podcast on iTunes. It helps our rankings which in turn helps those who are suffering with addictions. In recovery rooms we are taught that we are responsible to be there when others need us.

Simply by rating the podcast you are helping those just like you, to find the solutions and support they need to get and stay sober. Your support means the world to us, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So with that, please enjoy this episode with Brooke!

Connect with Lane Kennedy!

Visit Website: https://lanekennedy.com/

Follow on Instagram: @lane_kennedy_

Watch: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.

In case we haven’t met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I am obsessed with all things recovery, including neuroscience, reprogramming the subconscious mind, law of attraction, all forms of personal growth and spirituality. I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94, and I believe in people finding what works for them. I honor all forms of recovery, so I encourage you to find what works for you.

Today my guest is Anna David, NYT Best Selling Author, podcast host of “On Good Authority”, and Founder of Legacy Launch Pad Publishing. This episode will be a little different than what you’re used to, and I mean that in the best way possible. Especially if you find yourself in a place in recovery where you are craving a life that is in alignment with a higher purpose. We’ll be catching up a bit but mostly talking about her new book “On Good Authority: 7 Steps to Prepare, Promote and Profit from a How-To Book that Makes You the Go-To Expert.

What we’re talking about today is really about orienting your life so that it’s in alignment with your purpose, and the vehicle is through storytelling and book publishing. She has created a very successful company that helps people build a business through a book and has had some incredible client success stories. So if you are craving a life and work with deeper meaning, and you think you might have a book in you, even in the distant future, this episode is for you.

Just as a quick side note, this is actually Anna’s second appearance, so to hear her full recovery story, check out episode 53 on the website at odaatchat.com or better yet, you can read her memoir “Party Girl”. It’s a wild story filled with humor, insightful wisdom and hope.

But before we jump in I’d like to share some insights that I gleaned from the mega successful book, Atomic Habits. Specifically How to create a good habit using the 4 laws of habit creation. It’s not a recovery book per se, but the principles are incredibly applicable to recovery.

I’m going to be reading a worksheet I downloaded from the atomic Habits website and it’s the habits cheat sheet.

So the four laws are: 1) Make it Obvious. 2) Make it attractive 3) Make it easy and 4) Make it Satisfying. If we look at these laws through the lens of recovery we can apply them to things like developing a self care routine that might include prayer & meditation, exercise, meetings, or building a support system. You can make these things obvious by putting them on your calendar. You can make it attractive by inviting a friend to do these activities with you. You can make it easy by using the 2 minute rule. For instance if you’re trying to start a meditation habit you can make it easy by meditating for 2 minutes. And the 4th law: make it satisfying by giving yourself when you complete the habit. This is obviously an oversimplification but gives you a brief overview into making new healthy habits. I encourage you to get the book for a deeper dive and a ton of practical and actionable advice. Since this is such a popular book I imagine a lot of you have already read it, so I would love to hear how you have applied it to your recovery! Shoot me a message on social media or email me at arlina @ odaatchat.com

So that’s it from me!  Please enjoy the episode with Anna David!

Connect with Anna here:

Visit Anna’s Websites:

 https://www.legacylaunchpadpub.com/

https://annadavid.com/

Watch the interview on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

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Welcome to Odaat Chat, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. In case you didn’t know, ODAAT stands for “one day at a time”. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe and leave a 5 star review, it helps to keep the lights on.

The purpose of podcast  is to clear up a lot of misconceptions about addiction and recovery, but to also to share the teachers, ideas and exercises that have helped me on my own journey over the last 22 years that fall outside the parameters of 12 step groups.

Today I’d like to share a little productivity hack I’ve been experimenting with over the last year. It’s called “The 5 minute-journal”. It’s a simple journal that combines several practices into a daily 5 minute exercise that can be done first thing in the morning and at the end of the day. I actually just do the whole thing once a day in the morning. What it is, is a short inspiring quote, a few lines for you to write what you are grateful for, then 3 things that would make the day amazing and a daily affirmation. These are to be done in the morning, then at night, you write 3 amazing things that happened and what you could have done better.

So the experience I have had with this is similar to the one I had years ago when Simple Abundance was super popular. It literally retrains your brain to start looking for the positive aspects of life, but also it helps to quantify happiness. When done regularly, the end result is an amazing feeling of persistent contentment and peace that I’m fulfilling my life’s purpose. And for me that is huge. You can find a link to it on my website at odaatchat.com

In this episode I’ll be talking with Patrick who shares what it was like moving to the US from Ireland, life with a sober spouse and kids and anonymity. in the high tech world that is Silicon Valley among many other things. Patrick is a dear friend who is endlessly charming and will be impossible to live with after this episode airs, but there you go. And with that, please enjoy this episode with Patrick.

There will be show notes on the website and an opportunity for you to leave comments and feedback.

And with that, please enjoy this episode with Patrick

Peace & Love,

Arlina

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.

In this week's episode, Brooke Collins and I are reviewing 12 step homework we did from steps 7-9. The books we use are the  “Alcoholics Anonymous” book and the “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” which can be accessed for free at AA.org

Just a reminder that we do not represent AA and we are simply sharing our combined experience of 37 years of continuous sobriety, which for us means abstinence.

I do have one request for you who are listening today. If you are enjoying this series, and past guest episodes, please take a few minutes to rate and review the podcast on iTunes. It helps our rankings which in turn helps people suffering with addictions find us.

We do a live Q&A on Instagram on Tuesdays at 4:00 PM PST and 7:00 PM EST. Just follow me on Instagram @arlinaallen or Brooke @brookecollinscoaching 

So with that, please enjoy this episode with Brooke!

Have you ever wondered, with all the changes and new information we have on alcohol use disorder and addiction, are the 12 steps still relevant?  

Well today I have invited Dr Stephanie Covington to help us answer this question, as well as to celebrate the 30th anniversary of her bestselling book “A Woman’s Way Through The 12 Steps”.

It was such an honor for me to have her back on the show! She first sat with me for episode 100 several years ago. If you want to hear her whole story, you can find it at odaatchat.com and just search “stephanie” and it’ll pop up for you.

Today we’re really talking about the 30th anniversary of her book, the updates she included, and at the end, we do touch on her new book “Hidden Healers: The Unexpected Ways Women in Prison Help Each Other Survive”. She has done a tremendous amount of work in helping incarcerated women and implementing trauma informed policy.

I’m so grateful to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Dr Covington, and let me know what you think!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcast Addict, YouTube Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube here.

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Need Help Applying Sobriety Practices Into Your Life? 

Here are 3 Ways I Can Support You On Your Journey To Your Highest Potential

Grab Your Free Guide: How To Quit Drinking: 30 Tips For Your First 30 Days

Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and TikTok

Join Sobriety Reset - 30 Day Bootcamp To Living Alcohol Free

To find out more about Arlina and her private coaching program, head over to https://recovery.soberlifeschool.com/coaching

The Reinvent Self-Esteem Course - Join A Live Class To Rebuild Self-Esteem And Create A Life You Love https://sobrietyreset.com

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Welcome to another episode of ODAAT Chat!

Katie O - Growing Up In In Recovery, Death of a Parent, Motherhood in Sobriety

Today my guest Katie O will share what it was like to grow up in a sober home, how she is coping with the death of her mother and what it's like living life as a sober mom herself.

Katie is the oldest of 5 kids. Her parents got sober when she was 12 but before that she grew up having to take care of her younger siblings and deal with the struggles of parents who were drinking and using.

After her parents found recovery, she had to adjust to a whole new way of life. She eventually got caught up in drugs & alcohol herself, got recovery started a family herself but then relapsed and lost it all.

Our conversation chronicles her experiences of what it was like, what happened and what it's like now.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Comments or questions? I'd love to hear it!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

*Please Subscribe to the podcast!

Hi Friend,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.

In case we haven’t met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I help people get sober, stay sober and go deeper through scientifically proven tools and spiritual practices.

I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94 and I’ve seen recovery grow and evolve over the years with a lot of different options. I encourage you to explore it all and find what works for you. 

Today my guest is Jason Carter, author of “To Hell I Ride - When a Life Examined Became Worth Living”. He shares his recovery story from alcohol, and drops some insightful wisdom that has helped him stay sober for more than 6 years, all without a traditional recovery program.

Before we dive in, please visit soberlifeschool.com to sign up for the bi weekly newsletter. There are free resources for meditation, other recovery podcasts, and you know I love books, so lots of book recommendations too.

Also, if you have suggestions for topics you’d like to hear or guests you’d like to suggest, you can email me at arlina at odaatchat.com

And finally, please follow me on tiktok at arlinaallen - I would love to do some live content to talk about relapse prevention and rebuilding self esteem but I can’t until I have 1000 followers. I appreciate you all so much!

That’s it for the overview, so without further adu, please enjoy this episode with Jason.

More from Jason:

Link to book: https://amzn.to/3qW0WIU

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: The Power of Now, by Ekhart Tolle and The Far Side, by Gary Larson

Favorite Quote: When a man realizes he has no limits, he has no limits

Self Care Practice: intermittent fasting, exercise, church, writing

What I wish I knew: Everything will be different

Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

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There has been a lot of talk about “Mommy Wine Culture” in recent years. Specifically about how women are being sold a lie. A lie that says we should be able to do everything and if we don’t we’re failing, and that a glass of wine will smooth out the rough spots. 

Today I’m speaking with Celeste Yvonne, author of “It’s not about the wine: The loaded truth behind Mommy Wine Culture”. She has really struck a nerve with her writing and thoughts on social media. Her platform on IG, @theultimatemomchallenge has over 112K followers! 

In this conversation we talk about what Mommy wine culture is, the driving force behind it, and how Moms can take back control over their lives and live alcohol free.

Before we jump in, I have two resources for you. 

First, I have two spots open for private 1:1 coaching where I use hypnosis to address blocks or resistance to progress. We all have moments where we struggle with self-sabotage, but there is absolutely a process to break those limiting behavior patterns. To set up a consultation call, just visit soberlifeschool.com

The second resource is the Self-Help Junkie series that I will be releasing early next week! This is where we discuss a topic like how to develop healthy self-esteem, define terms, why it’s important and 3 action steps you can take to apply it to your life. There will be a free pdf worksheet and I foresee a group coaching call for those of you who have questions or need help with resolving roadblocks. So stay tuned for that!

I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode and let me know what you think!

Connect with Celeste here:

Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/theultimatemomchallenge/

Follow on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@theultimatemomchallenge

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen On:

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https://apple.co/30g6ALF

Spotify

https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify

Amazon Music 

Watch Full Episodes on YouTube!

https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo

Guest Links:   Holistic Coach Training Institute

Web: www.holisticcoachtraininginstitute.com

Email: info@holisticcoachtraininginstitute.com

Book recommendations: 

Loyalty to Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology, by H. Ronald Hulnick PhD, Mary R. Hulnick PhD, et al : https://amzn.to/3hI44mA

A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose, by Eckhart Tolle https://amzn.to/2Uuf3In

The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav https://amzn.to/2SUZetL

Favorite Mantra: Awareness, Presence, Relaxation

What I wish I knew: To connect more vs being self reliant

Is your self-worth tied to your relationship with money? 

It is for me! And I know it is for so many of us in recovery. Money is a very triggering topic and touches so many aspects of our lives. And we rarely talk about it! So in this episode, we’re going to get into it.

Today I’m speaking with Julie Reisler who is the author of Get a PhD in YOU: A Course in Miraculous Self-Discovery, podcast host of “The Youest-You”, and a woman in long term recovery from food addiction.

In this episode we’ll cover topics like:

Food Addiction

Examples of Money Wounds

Limiting Money Beliefs

12 Steps To Healing Money Issues

Julie has so many insights to share. My favorite quote from her is: “What’s reflected outside is a mirror of what’s going on inside”. So true!

I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Julie.

Connect with Julie Here: https://juliereisler.com/

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

Need help applying this information to your own life? I got you!

Here are 4 ways to get started:

Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

Sobriety Reset - An Online 30 Day Bootcamp To Living Alcohol Free

https://www.sobrietyreset.com 

The Reinvent Self-Esteem Course - Join A Live Class To Rebuild Self-Esteem And Create A Life You Love 

https://www.selfesteemcourse.com

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Welcome to the podcast! If you’re listening in from the US, UK, Australia, Ireland, Germany & China - I’m so glad you’re here! You’re a part of a community that is listening from 69 countries. How cool is that?!

I mention the different countries because I’m very aware that a lot of people don’t have access to large recovery communities in their local towns. But we’re living in a digital age, where people in recovery can connect, and stay sober through online groups.

Today, my guest Paul will share his story of alcoholism, why he decided to stop drinking, and the online group he joined that has helped him to stay sober for over 15 years.

 Before we jump in, I have the biggest announcement I’ve ever made… which is that my book is FINALLY available for pre-order on Amazon!

It’s called “The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path to Sobriety”. And if you’ve ever had a bad experience with 12 step, or feel turned off by AA, I just ask that you try to keep an open mind for a moment, because the first thing I want to tell you is that your feelings are valid! I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t some aspects of the program that are problematic, but what I want to tell you, is that there is a way around those sticking points that will allow you to access this magical process.

The book will call out some of the most common issues I hear, and give you context and perspectives that might clear up any misconceptions. It’s really a set of logical mindset shifts, while still honoring the feelings that naturally arise when grappling with behavior changes like alcohol use disorder.

Listen, for the last 8 years and hundreds of podcasts later, you know my only goal is to help you end needless suffering. If this book can help you feel better, I hope you read it and apply it! But if you just can’t get yourself to do that, I hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out to me and set up a call to talk about sober coaching. There are many paths to the same destination and I’m here to help.

As always, you can book a free strategy call with me, just visit: makesobreitystick.com  

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Paul.

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life? I got you!

Here are 3 ways to get started:

🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick

https://www.makesobrietystick.com

💻Online Classes: https://www.soberlifeschool.com/courses

Sobriety Reset - An Online 30 Day Challenge: Start Today!

https://www.sobrietyreset.com 

The Reinvent Yourself - Create an Unstoppable Identity & Experience A Breakthrough!

https://www.selfesteemcourse.com

Podcast Players:

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Today my guest is Hilary Phelps. If her last name sounds familiar it’s because she’s the sister of Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps! 

After 15 years of continuous sobriety, Hilary has decided to tell her story. We had a wide ranging conversation about what it was like to be the sibling of such a public figure, her own achievements, which are very substantial I might add, like being the number 1 ranked swimmer in her age group in the nation, a triathlete, and being a mother to an amazing little boy. We talk about her journey through alcohol abuse, what happened that lead her to sobriety and what life is like now after a painful divorce.

Hilary is so relatable, authentic and genuinely a beautiful person. I love her and I know you will too. 

Before we jump in, I wanted to tell you 3 things.

First thing is I have officially opened a soap shop called “Happy Soul Soap and Candle Co” where I have a whole collection of Sobriety themed soaps with sayings like “One Day at a time” surprise surprise, let go let god, Higher Power, Faith Over Fear and lots of others. They are all natural except for a few that are brightly colored, but they smell amazing and they’re really beautiful, if I do say so myself. Making soap has been such great grief therapy and I dedicated the shop to my Mom since she always encouraged my artsy side. Check it out at happysoulsoapandcandle.com

 And speaking of Cliches, the second thing is I’m doing a fun little series about AA Cliches on TikTok @arlinaallen,  and the podcast Facebook page. It’s where I share a cliche and either tell a story or offer what it means to me. And if you follow it, I hope you share what they mean to you too!

And the last thing is about reviews. Did you know reviews are the number one way to support the podcast? The more reviews we get, the higher the ranking, and the more we will reach the people who need to hear solutions the most. There are many other podcasts that are kicking my ass in the rankings. I know this isn’t a competition, but I’m a scorpio and it’s in my nature to want to do better. so with your help we can change that! If you have a moment to rate and review the podcast on Apple right now, I would greatly appreciate it!

Without further delay, please enjoy the episode with Hilary!

Connect with Hilary here:

Visit Website: https://www.hilaryphelps.com/

Follow on Instagram @hilaryphelps_

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: 

Self Care Practice: 

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen On:

https://apple.co/30g6ALF

https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify

https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ

Watch Full Episodes!

https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen On:

https://apple.co/30g6ALF

https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify

https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ

Watch Full Episodes!

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Connect with Mary Beth!

Visit Website: https://junkietojudge.com/

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: AA and NA Books, Rational Recovery Books

Favorite Quote: Success and recovery, sustained by one’s own efforts

What I wish I knew: I wish I had more confidence that I could stay sober

Fun: Read, Movies, and Recovery Advocacy

Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

My guest today has been sober for over 37 years. He has published several books including “Conscious Recovery, A Fresh Perspective On Addiction”. TJ is a featured thought-leader on wholehearted.org along with Dr. Gabor Maté and Marianne Williamson, and was given the honor of being ordained as an Agape minister by Dr. Michael Beckwith.

When I listened to the audible version of his book, I was intrigued by some of his ideas that challenged some of my own personal beliefs about 12 step programs. Ideas that imply that a dependency on anything outside ourselves is just another substitute for what we’re addicted to.

He actually makes a compelling case that while the 12 step program is great, especially in the beginning of recovery, and that there is more to explore beyond the rooms. 

We’re going to talk about how to heal through unlearning, how to build self-trust, and how to move past trauma, toxic shame and disconnection.

And if you enjoy this episode, please be sure to share with a friend and leave us a review on Apple podcasts.

I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode with TJ and let me know what you think!

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcast Addict, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube here.

Be Sure To Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Imagine being so obsessed with alcohol at 12 years old that you land in rehab at 13! My guest today is Christoper, and thats exactly what happened to him. He went on to struggle with alcohol and severe drug addiction for decades, which led him to the darkest side of humanity.

But thats just the beginning of Christophers story. In this episode he will share how he was finally able to break out of addiction and adopt a lifestyle where he is absolutely thriving!

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

Subscribe So You Dont Miss New Episodes!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https //www.youtube.com/@theonedayatatimepodcast?sub_confirmation=1

=J<|Need help applying this information to your own life? I got you!

Here are 3 ways to get started

Grab your copy here https //www.soberlifeschool.com

Private Coaching Make Sobriety Stick

https //www.makesobrietystick.com

=;Online Classes https //www.soberlifeschool.com/courses

Sobriety Reset - An Online 30 Day Challenge Start Today!

https //www.sobrietyreset.com

The Reinvent Yourself - Create an Unstoppable Identity andamp; Experience A Breakthrough!

https //www.selfesteemcourse.com

Apple https //podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify https //open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music https //music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

For those of us in recovery, the relationships we have with our parents can be complicated. Especially if the parent was absent or if they had a lot of trauma.

Today I am honored to share a conversation with Caroline Beidler and her mother Diana Dallas. They wrote a book together called “You are not your trauma: Uproot Unhealthy Patterns, Heal The Family Tree”. It will ​​help you identify unhealthy patterns that keep you stuck and live more freely without your trauma--or your family's trauma--holding you back.

For me, this was such a powerful conversation. I was on the verge of tears multiple times. Their openness and vulnerability with each other really touched my heart. 

And the book is amazing! It’s part memoir, part science, and part workbook. It covers topics that include codependency, perfectionism, people pleasing and burnout to name a few.

Anyway, I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode Caroline and Diana.  

Subscribe So You Don’t Miss New Episodes!

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or you can stream it from my website HERE. 

Or watch the interview on YouTube!

Need help applying this information to your own life? I got you!

Here are 3 ways to get started:

Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days - With a printable PDF checklist

Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com

Follow me on the socials for daily inspiration:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arlinaallen

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/arlinaallen

Private one-on-one coaching:

https://recovery.soberlifeschool.com/coaching

Need Help Applying Sobriety Practices Into Your Life? 

Here are 3 Ways I Can Support You On Your Journey To Your Highest Potential

Grab Your Free Guide: How To Quit Drinking: 30 Tips For Your First 30 Days

Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and TikTok

Join Sobriety Reset - 30 Day Bootcamp To Living Alcohol Free

To find out more about Arlina and her private coaching program, head over to https://recovery.soberlifeschool.com/coaching

The Reinvent Self-Esteem Course - Join A Live Class To Rebuild Self-Esteem And Create A Life You Love

Private one on one coaching - Set Up A Call To See If Coaching Is Right For You!

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast/id1212504521

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4I23r7DBTpT8XwUUwHRNpB

Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/a8eb438c-5af1-493b-99c1-f218e5553aff/the-one-day-at-a-time-recovery-podcast

Today my guest is someone who has been on the very prestigious New York Times Best Seller list, not once, twice or three times but FOUR times for non fiction books! Truly an incredible achievement. She was the ghost writer for two of the most spiritual luminaries of our time, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and The Dali Lama. She also wrote the life story for Anthony Ray Hinton called The Sun Does Shine that was chosen for Oprah’s book club in 2018.  Her name is Lara Love Hardin and her newest book “The Many Lives of Mama Love” was SO good, I absolutely devoured it in about 2 days. I can’t wait for you to meet her!  

But before we jump in, I want to share an experience I had recently. I went paddle boarding with a friend who is also in recovery and you know how we are, small talk isn’t a thing so as we were getting into it, I was telling her about some of the guests I had on recently that were relevant to what she was sharing. She was like, Oh I have to get back to the podcast because some of the topics weren’t really connecting to anything I was going through. So that got me thinking, I wonder what topics I could include for future episodes? What are YOU struggling with and what topics do YOU want to hear about? You can let me know by sending me a message on IG @arlinaallen or @odaatpodcast, the FB page called The One Day At A Time Podcast or shoot me an email at arlina@odaatchat.com.

Also don’t forget I have a couple of free guides for you. One is the ultimate sobriety checklist that you can download when you visit soberlifeschool.com, and there’s also a resource guide, aptly named “100 resources for your first 100 days” on that same website.

And as always, If you are enjoying the podcast then please share this episode with your friends in recovery. It’s an easy act of service that supports the show and your friends.

That’s it for announcements, please enjoy this episode with the super talented Lara Love Hardin.

Connect with Lara here:

Visit Website: https://www.laralovehardin.com/

Follow on Instagram: @laralovehardin

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OC33 -Daphne Willis - Somebody's Someone - Over 18 Million Views - From Abuse, Addiction, Recovery and Success

Welcome to ODAAT Chat, where we talk about how to stay sober, one day at a time. My name is Arlina and I’ll be your host.

Before I launch into what this podcast is all about, I have to give a shout out to Ron, Lynn and Jacki for becoming OC members. Odaat chat funded by listeners like you, so if you would like to help keep it rolling, please consider a $5 monthly membership.

To do so, just visit odaatchat.com and you will see the membership donation on the right.

If you are new here, this is a podcast where my guests and I talk about how to recovery from alcoholism and addiction. We typically spend the first half of the podcast on what happened, and the second half on the solutions and lessons learned that contribute to long term recovery.

Today I have a very special guest, Daphne Willis. Now, I know if you’ve heard other episodes, you’re probably thinking, “she says that all the time” but in this case, it’s especially true!

Daphne Willis is a Sony recording artist located in Nashville. She has on her hands a SMASH hit with “Somebody’s someone” which has well over 18 million views and counting… I actually cried the first time I heard this song. It’s so touching and sung with such authenticity, that I instantly connected to it and I think you will too.

Just a heads up, I babble quite a bit because I was so excited to speak with Daphne, but she shares so much about her struggles and how she has learned to set boundaries and practice self care that she has been able to maintain sobriety for 2 years now.

I really enjoyed this conversation and I hope you do too! Let me know what you think on the ODAAT Chat facebook page! And with that, please enjoy this episode, with Dhaphne Willis.

Today is going to be a continuation of a new project called The Self-Help Junkie Podcast. I thought about just making it a series on this podcast, but I decided it should be its own thing. I’ll still be publishing episodes here that are focused on addiction recovery, but just feel like after nearly 8 years, there is another podcast format I’d like to explore that has more of a community aspect to it. 

That format will be to identify personal development topics like self-esteem, shadow work, manifestation with evidence based practices. We will talk about what they are, why they’re important and to come up with 3 action items that we put into SMART goals so that we reduce the friction of creating new habits.

Here’s where you come in. As a community, we can start to implement the action items and “run the experiment” as they say in recovery rooms, to see what outcomes we experience. We’re going to meet bi-weekly on Zoom so you can share your thoughts with us about the action items, challenges you might be having and as a group we can come up with ideas that will help you move forward for a better outcome.

The overarching goal with all of this is three fold: to build connection, to feel better, and change our behavior in order to achieve our goals. 

The founders group will be a $5 monthly membership to help us cover expenses and you can find the link in the show notes or go to patreon.com/selfhelpjunkie

https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpjunkie/membership

We will be tweaking the podcast along the way based on feedback, so your contributions will have a direct impact on the show.

If you have any questions, you can email me at selfhelpjunkiepodcast@gmail.com

I haven’t been this excited about a new project in a long time.  I feel like there are so many of us that are seekers and just below the surface is a helper, so together, I think we can accomplish amazing things!

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode and let me know what you think!

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Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcast Addict, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube here.

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For more calls like this, visit: odaatchat.com

Today my guest is Ann Dowsette Johnson, Bestselling Author of “Drink” which was on the Top 10 Best Books by Washington Post. She is an award-winning journalist and bestselling author, turned psychotherapist. Her very popular TedTalk is listed among the top 7 talks about sobriety and addiction.

We spent a little time on her workshop “Writing Your Recovery” - a 8 week class which one of her students describes as and I quote: “hands-down a transformative life affirming experience”.

The next one is starting on April 12, so if you’re interested in joining, just visit her website at anndowsettejohnson.com to register.

Before we jump in, I just want to say, it’s time I listen to you for a change! I would like to invite you to reach out to me with suggestions on topics you’d like to hear about, specific guests or anything else that’s on your mind. You know I like to talk, but the truth is I’m a really good listener too. So you can message me on IG @arlinaallen or @odaatpodcast or leave a comment on the podcast facebook page, appropriately named The One Day At A Time Podcast. I want to make content that YOU want to hear.

If you are finding these conversations helpful, it would help me greatly if you subscribe, share with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I am truly grateful for each and every one of you, so thank you for walking this crazy journey with me!

So that’s all I have for today!  Please enjoy the episode with Ann.

Connect with here:

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Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

Today, my guest is Camille Kinzler, founder of Think Beyond The Drink, and professional coach. She shares her story of drinking and how she stopped with a lot of practical suggestions on how to deal with the underlying feelings that cause people to drink.

She’s also hosting a free online series that starts May 10-18th called: Break Your Drinking Habits” with 7 Expert speakers, including me! I’m excited about the panel because it’s a group of women doing amazing work in the field of recovery, who are having a profound impact. 

We’re going to be addressing some of the most important recovery topics including, self-love, boundary setting, behavior change, and lots more. Register for free at thinkbeyondthedrink.com

To hear more episodes like this one, just visit odaatchat.com and subscribe to the weekly newsletter.

So there ya have it, please enjoy this conversation, with Camille!

Today’s episode is brought to you by Audible.com. One of the most powerful questions my sponsor has ever asked me, is “Can you love your unloveable parts?” Because the truth is, that recovery is about recovering our WHOLE selves, even our character defects and human shortcomings. That kinda tough to swallow right? But obviously nobody is perfect, so it’s silly to pretend we are. But how to we practice self love in the face of character defects, well one way to practice the ideas in a book called “Radical Self Acceptance, by Tara Brach.  I listen to this audiobook over and over because it has one of my favorite guided meditations on it, which I bookmarked in the app. Tarah’s voice is smooth and calming and listening to her speak makes me feel relaxed and peaceful. Not a bad way to feel right? And there’s no unwanted side effects like a hangover or STD. Just sayin. ODAAT Chat listeners can get this audiobook for free when you sign up for an audible subscription by visiting odaatchat.com and look for the Audible ad on the right hand side.

Welcome to Odaat Chat, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. In case you didn’t know, ODAAT stands for “one day at a time”. If you haven’t yet, don’t forget to subscribe on iTunes, or you can get new episodes delivered right to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter at odaatchat.com.

You might be wondering the purpose of the podcast, and what I can tell you is that besides wanting to clear up a lot of misconceptions about addiction and recovery, I also wanted to share the teachers, ideas and exercises that have helped me on my own journey over the last 24 years, some of which includes but is not limited to any 12 step program.

Today’s episode is with David Griggs. He is an attorney, actually he’s a legal super hero in my book because he handle a lot of sexual harassment cases for women, but his is also a soon to be published author! He took Anna David’s memoir book proposal class called “All the write moves”, got voted for the best proposal and won a meeting with a publisher, and he sold his book!

He’ll tell that story in the interview along with his addiction and recovery story. David talks about some of the trauma he experienced growing up, switching addictions from alcohol to weed, to sex and even video games and the effects it had on his life.

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

Today, my guest is Dennis Berry, Author of “the funky brain” and the podcast with the same name. He is a Life Mastery Coach and has been working with people worldwide for over 15 years and he has been sober since April 8, 2003.

We talk a lot about different solutions and ideas that will hopefully help you on your recovery journey. I would love love love to hear what you found helpful, so shoot me an email at arlina@odaatchat.com or leave a comment on the one day at a time facebook page! (links to both on the website).

This episode is brought to you by Sober Life School. In case you didn’t know, I offer private coaching to focus on recovery, relationships and self-esteem. If you’d like to find out more about how I can help, you can set up a free strategy call by visiting: http://www.soberlifeschool.com

So there ya have it, please enjoy this wide ranging conversation, with Dennis!

Transcript:

Arlina Allen  0:09  

Okay, well, Dennis, welcome back to the podcast.

Unknown Speaker  0:12  

Thank you Arlina. My, my big young sister.

Arlina Allen  0:18  

Sister. Yes, I mean, I'm tiny in stature. I'm only like 5'3", but yes, a big and personality.

Unknown Speaker  0:24  

You are, I think we both have that

Arlina Allen  0:26  

you are too. Yeah, definitely cut from the same cloth. I am excited to have you back because we're going to focus this time on lots of solutions. You are a recovery coach, Life Mastery school, per your logo up there in the corner. For those of you who are not watching this on YouTube, Dennis has a logo. So we're going to talk about we're gonna I'm gonna ask you the lightning round. And then we're going to give a recap on your story, because you were on before. And I will leave a link from your previous interview. But I enjoy talking to you so much. I'm so glad that you're you're back. But we're going to talk about some solutions in regards to maybe some of the things that might be holding you back if you haven't yet gotten sober. How is that?

Unknown Speaker  1:22  

I love that. That's great.

Arlina Allen  1:24  

Yeah, it'll be fun. I don't know fun. But yeah, let's do some fun because most of these podcasts are so heavy. You and I were kind of giggling before that. We need to infuse some fun into this too, right?

Unknown Speaker  1:36  

I love fun. I'm I'm outgoing, fun person.

Arlina Allen  1:39  

You are fun.

Unknown Speaker  1:40  

I am like we are not a lot. Why me up? Let me go. I'll take it.

Arlina Allen  1:47  

Well, that's what we'll do. And I am gonna ask you what you do for fun, but for as far as a lightning round questions go. When you first got sober. What was maybe like one of the most impactful books that you read?

Unknown Speaker  2:01  

Hmm. Wow. That's a that's a loaded question. whitesville many were like the world was just opening up. I was just starting to understand life. So everything I read was like, wow, wow. Oh, my God, don't wait. So it was all like, really exciting and interesting. But, you know, I think like, the big book was exciting, because I was like, all the lights and stuff were going off. But, you know, the 12 and 12, the 12 steps. It really made things make a lot more sense. And so it was really informative to me. And outside of that of the, you know, a approved literature I really liked read and there was a book it was there is about it's called as a man thinketh

Arlina Allen  2:42  

Oh, that's a good one. Victor. Is that Viktor Frankl?

Unknown Speaker  2:45  

No, it's James Allen. I think James Allen. That's right. It was written in like 1902, like over 100 years ago, and almost 120 years ago. And it's a you know, a lot of that came out of that came like science of mine law of attraction, the secret and positive thinking and stuff like that. And it's like, what you think about you attract into your life. And that's really where a lot of that came from? And then you know what? That came from the Bible too. So I mean, all this stuff is millennials old. We didn't invent any of this shit. So yeah, no,

Arlina Allen  3:15  

I mean, those ideas, not only the Bible, but it's in like all the ancient traditions. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's it. None of these ideas are new. But every generation sort of has like this free discovery. So yeah, as a man thinketh is an amazing book. And the bid book is sort of the nickname for the book called Alcoholics Anonymous for those who are new. And the 12 and 12. Did you know that the 12 and 12 was written after? was it? It was bill right, wrote that comment? Well, yeah,

Unknown Speaker  3:46  

I'm sure a little ones like 1213 years later.

Arlina Allen  3:50  

Wow. Yeah, he did it after a little silicided experiment.

Unknown Speaker  3:54  

Yes. Yeah. And a few relapses, like he didn't hear Yeah, like everybody's like, Bill. Oh, he busted had like, 50 years of sobriety, I think, yeah, I only had like, I think teens.

Arlina Allen  4:06  

I don't know, that will be a good thing to look up. Like, how long did he have money passed away? Yeah, our founding fathers wrote some interesting stuff. So those are really good books. Thank you for those. Do you have sort of a go to mantra or quote that you live by?

Unknown Speaker  4:26  

Now you're throwing these at me? I wasn't prepared.

Arlina Allen  4:28  

I just told you them.

Unknown Speaker  4:31  

Three minutes ago, and then we talked about other stuff.

Arlina Allen  4:35  

Okay, I'll do I'll help you. I'll help you out with Well, no.

Unknown Speaker  4:39  

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, and I, yes, I there's one that I live by, and not live by, but it helps propel me. And that is, and it's an ancient, not ancient. It's a old philosopher, but he said all of man's problems and women come from our inability to sit quietly in a room. alone. And that's one of my favorites. because it reminds me that we're always out like doing something we have to always be going and doing and making money and buying things and talking to people. And we can't sit still. And stillness and mindfulness have really become, you know, an integral to my, which I think is one of the next questions coming up. integral to like my daily living, you know, sitting in stillness. You know, when I get overwhelmed and stressed out and full of fear, in my old solution was to go do something or drink something or smoke something or go scroll or make a strong sense phone calls for no reason. Hey, what are you doing? I don't know. What are you doing? Oh, I'm sitting in traffic. Oh, what? Like, those are just avoiding what's going on in your life? So sometimes the answer is just to sit still. So I love

Unknown Speaker  5:49  

that quote, hard.

Unknown Speaker  5:51  

It is hard. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz it goes against our nature.

Arlina Allen  5:54  

Oh, for sure. No, I mean, I grew up. I'm an achievement junkie. Like I'm an you know, like home and my my inner default is that Home Depot. More doing?

Unknown Speaker  6:08  

Yeah, go buy something and build something and do something.

Arlina Allen  6:13  

And listen, man, truth be told, there's nothing wrong with that. But my knee jerk is to distract. And in my mind, the purpose of obsession is distraction. Right. It's like, but what are we distracting from? And for me, that's why sitting is so hard. But yes, you're right. What a great reminder. You know, that's a great saying, I don't know if that's a quote Exactly. But I love that idea. That that reminder of we need to, you know, be still and know that Oh, God.

Unknown Speaker  6:41  

Yeah, there are great quotes that I can't because I'm on the spot. I can usually spit out all kinds of quotes, but because I'm on the spot, I'm like, No, but I want that deer

Arlina Allen  6:51  

in the headlight. I love that. Yeah. Um, no worries. If you think of something brilliant that you want to share, you just feel free to interrupt me and we'll include that. Okay. Okay. Do you have a regular recovery routine or self care practice?

Unknown Speaker  7:07  

Absolutely. Yeah. And you know, I am, its body, mind. And spirit is like my, and that could be like the quote, you know, body, mind and spirit, I have to always be working on those three, it's really hard to have all three in perfect alignment all the time. But I work on that all the time. And when I wake up in the morning, I, you know, we have a choice of how we want our day to go. So I can wake up and look at the news and watch politics and get stressed out and worried that that's the way my day goes. But the way I wake up is I wake up and I read something productive. That's going to set my mind in the right direction. And I meditate, and I drink lots of water. And I exercise. And then I you know, I look at my calendar afterwards, with clear direction. And that's the way my day goes. So if I wake up with a clear mind moving in the right direction, then my day goes in the right direction. So yeah, I stick to that. That's pretty much the way I roll and I have my whole life is like a life of service. That's why I do what I do.

Arlina Allen  8:08  

Yeah. And stop messing around with that on your desk.

Unknown Speaker  8:12  

I don't know what you're doing. Oh.

Unknown Speaker  8:14  

Did I make

Arlina Allen  8:16  

a podcast or you want to know better?

Unknown Speaker  8:17  

I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Unknown Speaker  8:20  

Just dizzy. You know, I

Unknown Speaker  8:22  

know. It's my nail clippers because I have a hangnail.

Arlina Allen  8:25  

Oh, dear. Well, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah. Okay, so read something positive meditate water, exercise calendar. And you do like, I know you're in good shape. You exercise a lot. And can you share with me your meditation practice? Because I think a lot of people are really confused about what meditation is, especially early in recovery. What I hear from people is that I can't meditate. But maybe you can just kind of break break down what meditation really is.

Unknown Speaker  8:57  

Absolutely. So there's a You're right, there's a common misconception that you have to be like in a sit in in robes sitting in the Himalayas, in a cave, somewhere, have zero box, yes, to meditate. And that's not true at all. You can meditate on the toilet, you can meditate at a red light. You know, the idea is stillness and mindfulness. When I'm still and mindful. The answers can come in, you know, there's room, there's space in my head for the answers to come in. Like if I'm listening to loud music, or jumping into, you know, Facebook, or whatever it is what I'm doing, you know, I'm probably thinking about my problems and the music that's on. But if I could sit in silence, you know, I'm going to think about my problems. But there's space for the solutions and the answers to come in. So when I meditate, it's almost always in silence. Nowadays, I used to do a lot of guided meditation and with my clients, I'm like, you know what, if you really can't sell for more than five minutes, let's pull up let's do like a progressive muscle relaxation or a body scan or other something else like humans. by the waves crashing on the beach or raindrops or birds chirping. Just make a start somewhere. And then eventually I want to move into silence where that's where I calm down. And, you know if i 20 for me, 20 is the magic number,

Unknown Speaker  10:15  

right? In my notes.

Unknown Speaker  10:16  

Yeah, if I meditate for five or 10 minutes, it definitely slows things down, and I feel okay. But if I can hit 2025, for some reason, when I open my eyes afterwards, 20 plus minute meditation, all my senses are heightened, I could see better hear better, I could feel better, my touches better everything. So really, for me, it's stillness. And, you know, there's a bunch of different techniques that we could talk about, probably another time, but, you know, really focusing on your breathing and focusing on being present.

Arlina Allen  10:49  

Focus on breathing and being present. Yeah, I hear a lot of times when people say I can't meditate, what they're saying is that I can't clear my mind a thought, is usually what ends up coming out. And so my, my response to that is usually, that is not the goal. The goal isn't to clear my head to not have any thoughts. I mean, your brains job is to think so for me, like what you said about just focusing on your breath. And then once you catch your mind thinking, you just notice it, and then gently, gently bring it back to the present moment. Because, you know, even now, sometimes I go back, I'm not I'm thinking again, you know, but it's like, No, no, this there doesn't have to be any hostility about notice. Notice what I'm thinking, it's just like, oh, bring it back to the breath. And if I my mind strays, 1000 times, I just bring it back. 1000 times, that's all.

Unknown Speaker  11:50  

Yes. I mean, can I share? Here's a great quote, actually, if you want to use this as the quote, okay. And that is the idea of meditation. It's not to control your mind. It's to not let your mind control you. Oh, that's a good one.

Arlina Allen  12:07  

Yeah, like your mind. And that is the thing, right? Like, Holy moly, the whole thing about addiction is that your mind is in control?

Unknown Speaker  12:17  

Yes, we have on average, 60 to 80,000 thoughts every day. If those are all awesome, useful, productive thoughts? How great would that be, but most of them are, like useless or harmful thinking. So if we cannot let those take over our lives and drive our our daily activities, then we have a better chance of hitting our goals of being successful, healthy, happy, and overcoming our addictions? Absolutely. Yeah, there

Arlina Allen  12:43  

is a National Science Foundation, said 60, that we have 60 to 80 thought 1000 thoughts per day, 85% of those thoughts are negative. And 95% of those thoughts are the same as the day before. Isn't that interesting? So we are actually and then we make decisions and take actions based on those thoughts. And then we are basically in a loop. So we're literally living in the residual of all of yesterday's decisions and thoughts and actions, right? So it's grown on day. So if you, if you find yourself asking, How did I get here? Again? It's all based on thoughts. So I love the process that you offer for meditation, because that's where the change can happen.

Unknown Speaker  13:32  

Yeah, and there needs to be changed. Like, you know, like, one of the bumper sticker things we hear all the time is like, nothing changes, if nothing changes. So if I'm stuck in that loop every day, and I'm wondering, why am I hitting my financial goals, and my relationship continues to suck and why I can't get sober. 30 pounds, I'm can't get sober. Because I'm stuck in that loop. So great point. Wow, wow, we're really solving a lot of the world's stuff. And it's only been five

Arlina Allen  14:00  

years or so. Right? Gosh, and we haven't even gotten to be this is one of my favorite questions. What would you tell younger dentists? What would you what's the one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober?

Unknown Speaker  14:14  

I would have to say,

Unknown Speaker  14:17  

ask for help.

Unknown Speaker  14:20  

You know, we're taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but it's not. It's actually a sign of strength, you know, reaching out saying and, you know, with humility being like, you know, I don't understand this. I can't figure this out on my own, otherwise, I would have by now, right? And so reaching out to somebody who is on the other side of the addiction, or just is doing better in life, or whatever you define is better or just somebody that has something you want is how we used to say in tough stuff, and it's like, reach out and be like, hey, how did you get there? You know, I can't figure this out. Can you maybe you can guide me through this. Because I was by myself, I'm stuck with my 80,000 thoughts from yesterday that are negative, and I can't figure it out. So ask for help. That's my big one.

Arlina Allen  15:10  

I love that. I love what you said about if I could have done it. If I could have done it already, I would have. Yeah. Yeah, ask for help. It is a sign of strength. Our society, you know, sees that as weakness, but it takes a lot of courage to be able ask for help. And the thing is, there's so many people who are willing to give it. Everybody loves giving free advice. Are you kidding me?

Unknown Speaker  15:35  

They just don't follow their own advice. They just give it up.

Arlina Allen  15:38  

Yeah, give it up smooth. Yeah, but

Unknown Speaker  15:40  

you know what, like, one of the things I tell my clients all the time, too, is like, yes, we want to ask for help. But we also want to learn, we want to become independent, too. And we want to learn things on our own too. So I can't just sit here, if we're in a session and give you all the answers, I want you to figure some stuff out, too. So you know, if you're stuck, I can't figure this out. definitely ask for help, and then start googling stuff. Google has the answers to pretty much anything in the world. So I can't figure this out. Like what store? Should I go by this? How can I meditate? Okay, just Google it.

Arlina Allen  16:15  

here's, here's the problem. A lack of information is not the issue. It's applying it. And I think that's why it's so important to have somebody like you in life, right for the fellows, you know, I still sort of kind of, I know, I know, you help a lot, a lot of the men, you know, apply the information. It's about applying. So you're all about the action and applying the information. The information is all out there. But we don't do it for a reason. Right? And we'll talk about that later. I do want to ask you about your recovery journey. But we're going to talk in this episode about how to uncover and identify some limiting beliefs. And they prevent us from applying that information. So I guess that's like a teaser? I don't know. I don't usually do that. But I need to know what you do for fun these days. Because we are not a glum lot. We like having fun. What do you do for fun these days?

Unknown Speaker  17:14  

Well, I'm in the process of moving to the beach, and the beach is my happy place. So right now is a kind of a strange time in my life. But it's good because I can handle it because I'm sober. And I and I actively live a life of sobriety and self improvement so I can handle it. And I'm doing all this while working and I'm selling everything I own. I'm moving to a minimalist lifestyle. It's quite interesting to find all the stuff that I used to have that I I can't say I've never been a very materialistic person. But the stuff that I had that I thought made me happy. And you know, some of it definitely imparts some joy or whatever I don't like. The example I'm going to give right now is like, last week, this woman came and picked up my whole living room set. And I had a cool little living room. It was like a beautiful, yeah, I remember. Yeah. And she took it away. And I was like, and it was like, empty, and there was like, echoes again. And I was like, Oh, my God, and I set up my folding chairs in my living room. And I'm like, I love this. It was free. It was empty. There's elbow room. And there's a space to walk through the whole living room. And I was like, I love it. And my whole house is emptying out. So I love that. And so at the end in the next like, four to six weeks, all I'm gonna have left is my four suitcases that I'm bringing to Mexico. So for fun right now. I mean, I always for me, fun is the beach. But I exercise a lot. And I swim a lot I walk a lot jog, I would say running except them. I call it middle age running, which is really like a fast walk or jog sometimes. And I like lifting weights and I you know, that gives me energy. And I like eating well and drinking lots of water. These things that used to be such a chore that people are like, you should do this and you'll feel better and stuff. They've become the way that I live now. So I enjoy that.

Arlina Allen  19:13  

I hate that word should because yeah, without knowing it, it actually creates resistance.

Unknown Speaker  19:19  

Mm hmm.

Arlina Allen  19:20  

Man eliminate that shit out of your life. Don't ever say Should I here's, here's what I found is that when you give someone permission to keep doing the bad behavior, they make the choice themselves to do something better.

Unknown Speaker  19:34  

Yeah, we're resilient by nature. Yeah, yeah. If you tell me I usually do. Like when I was drunk, you know, years ago, I would sit on the barstool. And I would say you should do this and you should do that. And they would all look at me like, well, your life kind of sucks. So if I do what you're telling me I should do I'm gonna end up like you. I don't do that anymore.

Arlina Allen  19:54  

Yeah. As I say, not as I do. That's like the worst parenting. Approach ever Sure, we learn by example. Okay, so that I love that minimal lifestyle moving to Mexico to live by the beach. I mean that you're talking about, like spending time in nature and that is so like rejuvenating. Yeah, just getting return to nature. It's, um, okay, so how about you tell me I'm so curious. Always. And I don't know that I read, I hear a lot of stories about people's sort of like turning points. It's like, okay, it's like we develop these addictions. I know, you had a pretty crazy story. You don't have to rehash the whole thing. But, you know, maybe a little bit about what it was like. But I'm really so curious about what was the pivotal moment for you when you decided to quit drinking, because it's the decision that really fascinates me.

Unknown Speaker  20:55  

Yeah, great point. That was the 32nd version. I was a crazy maniac, ski racer party ski bum chef guy for 10 years. And that was up in northeast Vermont. And then I moved out here to Colorado 21 years, 22 years ago now. And, and I kind of kept it going, but I stopped skiing. So then I was living in suburbia, living that lazy drunken lifestyle. And then I started eating fast food and stuff, and I stopped skiing. So I didn't have the activity. So I put on a bunch of weight. And I was just like, the fat drunken dude, who you see now is not the man that I once was. And

Arlina Allen  21:34  

you're Mr. Fit now. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  21:36  

And that also, that all came to a head. And in 2003, I lost the job I was proud of, and I, my I spent all the money use all the resources in my life. We're all spent, I couldn't turn to family or anybody anymore for money or help or anything. And that was my pivotal moment. And I ended up in a 30 day rehab center, and I just kind of latched on it's funny, I was just doing a podcast with somebody else a couple hours ago. And they asked a similar question. But you know, I got there, and they're, you know, in rehab, you can go and there's a lot of people that are like bouncing in and out of rehabs and that are there for the wife or the husband or the the law or their job or whatever. But I was there because I needed to change. Like I, I remember there was a group, there was a small group, like the rehab I was in it was like 50 people. So we had like these big meetings with with everybody. And then they had a small group where there was like six or seven of us. And people were going around the room that were there longer than me. And it was only like my first or second day. And it came out they were and they were talking about different things in their lives. And they came to me and I just started crying. And I said, I can't stop drinking. Like people were talking about resentment and fear, and insecurities and heartache and financial problems, like all this stuff. And I was like, I didn't know, those were the reasons I couldn't stop drinking that I needed to work on life. But I just started crying. I can't stop drinking. And I don't know what to do. And this is sad to say. So if you're listening and you can't stop drinking, I understand. And I know Arlina does, too. And that's the hardest. The hardest thing you know, we look at people on the outside. This is why I think it's important to work with people who know what it's like to be drunk and not be able to stop. It's like, I can look at you, you could tell me your story. And there's nothing that we haven't heard before, or done before. And you could tell me that story. And to you it's like the biggest thing in the world. And to me, I'm like, Oh, yeah, I've heard that before. We're gonna get through it. It's okay. You know, because I've done that. And so I latched on to people that that were doing the work that we call now. And they were they were praying and meditating, talking to people writing things down reading exercise, they do it all the things you asked me what do I do? Not much has changed in the last 18 years. You know, I

Arlina Allen  24:07  

everything

Unknown Speaker  24:08  

except everything. And I just do it at a deeper level. Now, you know, they say, you know, like, when people talk about diets, and they're like, well, I tried that diet, it didn't work. But it did work. You go on the diet, you do what it says you stop eating crap, and then you exercise more, you lose 20 pounds. So you start eating cheesecake again, and you get fat again, and you're like, well, what happened? I tried that diet. It didn't work, but it did you stop doing the things that it told you to do. So it's the same as sobriety. It's like you come in, life's falling apart. We're like here, why don't you try this and you're like, Okay, I'm hurting, I'm gonna do that. And then a month later, or a week later, or whatever, you stop doing that stuff because you stopped drinking, but we haven't changed anything else. So a week later or a month later, we stopped drinking and we stopped doing the things that helped us stop drinking. And then we end up drinking because we don't know how to handle life. That's the real problem like thinking, we haven't changed our thinking. We haven't worked on the real reasons why we drink. So once we start doing that, then we can handle life as it comes at us. Because it continues to come at you. It's what's our reaction to it, when that happens?

Arlina Allen  25:21  

Absolutely. And we have evidence that other people are experiencing those same circumstances, and they don't drink. So what's the difference? Right, and, and it feels to me like it's the practice that you described that self care practice that that helps us cope and do the emotion management stuff.

Unknown Speaker  25:44  

But I think you said a big word there,

Unknown Speaker  25:46  

the emotion management, I love that emotional sobriety that we talked about. That's really the goal. You know, this isn't a not drinking contests, it's about growing up and looking at the world in the eye, and living a life of integrity and honesty, and helping people.

Arlina Allen  26:01  

Thank you for saying that. It's not a not whatever you said, um, but not not not drinking content. funny, because we do give accolades to people who don't drink for long periods of time. But it's been my experience that those people can be as batshit crazy or sick as people who are continuing to drink. So this is not a not drinking contest. It's about personal evolution, because we are always evolving. So we're either evolving or devolving

Unknown Speaker  26:37  

sounds

Arlina Allen  26:38  

like a muscle, it's like you, you know, you you stay in shape, because you continue to exercise, right? And so you're, in my mind, like sobriety is like that, too. Like, my brain has this default. And I have to exercise it to get out of that default. And when I stop exercising, I go back to default. Absolute.

Unknown Speaker  26:57  

Yeah, I was taught we always want to be pushing uphill, right. And if we're not pushing uphill, we're sliding downhill. There's no planing out. There's no like hanging out, because, but the differences and people think that pushing uphill means struggling, it doesn't have to mean struggle. It just means trying to be better than I was yesterday.

Unknown Speaker  27:16  

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  27:17  

That's already yesterday.

Unknown Speaker  27:18  

So what did I do yesterday? That worked? Let's do more of that. And let's try to keep going. What did I do that didn't work? Let's stop doing that. Let's try to become better. That's all.

Arlina Allen  27:29  

Yeah. And I think that's so important. You know, this is why it's so important to have like a mentor, like a sponsor, or a coach or something to help you sort of stay in balance, because I mean, recovery seems to be full of paradoxes, right? It's like, we have to do all this work. But then we have to, you know, stay in peace, and we have another day, then we have to do growing pains. And it's the whole thing. So it's nice to have somebody but it is just what like my whole thing is one day at a time. Right, which we just have to do today. You know, and it's nice to have friends and an environment, you know, set up to support that. So,

Unknown Speaker  28:06  

yes, well, I know why you need a coat. I know why you need a coat. Because we all do.

Unknown Speaker  28:12  

I know I have one. Isn't that great? Like coach, I

Arlina Allen  28:15  

have a sponsor, I have their bus.

Unknown Speaker  28:18  

Yes. So I was taught and I'm sure if we talked about this before, but it's like I was taught have an expert in every area of your life. So I'm not a doctor, if I get sick, I need to go to the doctor. If I have to go to court, I need a lawyer. If I hate doing taxes, I hate it hate it. So I needed an accountant every year to help me do that. And apparently I can't get sober on my own. And apparently I have a hard time achieving all my goals on my own. So let's get back to what we said 10 minutes ago. Ask for help somebody who's not emotionally attached to my shirt who can see it from out here instead of me going oh my god, this is how my life's go and say well what if we just look at it from here instead? Oh, wow, I didn't think of that. Your first thought because you're emotionally attached right now to your crap and you you can't see through it

Arlina Allen  29:09  

can't see that. Yeah, I always say that like emotion colors my perspective I can't see clearly and, and I do I do need somebody who's objective. Are you gonna write that down?

Unknown Speaker  29:20  

Yes. Your

Arlina Allen  29:23  

emotion colors my perspective? Yeah, I can't see clearly. I mean, rose colored glasses, right? That's beautiful, positive thing, but I don't know if that's positive all the time.

Unknown Speaker  29:36  

I'm gonna have to write Arlina Allen underneath.

Arlina Allen  29:39  

I'm full of it.

Unknown Speaker  29:40  

give you all the credit your fault for something, follow them all kinds of things. Yeah,

Arlina Allen  29:46  

I'm an obsessive learner. Sorry, try to fill fill this look good things. But no, I love that idea of having an expert in every area of your life, which includes like sobriety, you know, goal achievement. All that stuff, I love it. But this is actually a good segue into, you know, maybe let's just start at the beginning. Like if you're struggling to quit drinking, you know, maybe we can start to talk a little bit about what are some of the beliefs that may be the negative limiting beliefs that we have about quitting drinking, a lot of people are afraid to quit drinking, pick a date or that they're going to start stopping. My son says A is for quitters. I think that's hilarious. But some people are really afraid. It's, it's really there's a lot of socializing that happens with alcohol present, there's, you know, you know, some people that I talked to you, they're like, everybody I know, drinks. And I'm like, guess what? Nobody that I know, drinks? Hardly anybody?

Unknown Speaker  30:55  

It's not. So I did. Well, maybe you did

Arlina Allen  31:01  

seem crazy. But it's like, No, we choose people. We choose people to be in our life. You know, there's that saying that if you ordered a shit sandwich, chances are you ordered it. Like we choose the shitty people. And it's not funny. It's not a I didn't say it. But um, so socializing is probably a big area. And then I thought maybe we would also sort of dive into a little bit of what of your partner's still drinking and you want to quit? Those are a couple of tricky ones. So how, what do you what do you see as some of the limiting beliefs around, you know, not drinking as a, as it relates to socializing.

Unknown Speaker  31:44  

This is great limiting beliefs, beliefs, and behaviors, those harmful beliefs and behaviors that we've had, in most cases for decades. You know,

Unknown Speaker  31:53  

what's up,

Arlina Allen  31:54  

unexamined beliefs,

Unknown Speaker  31:56  

unexamined? And, you know, maybe we saw dad yelling at mom, or hitting mom, or maybe we saw something that our friends that years, maybe were five years old, and we're like, I don't know how to handle that. But I find a way through it. And then I carry that behavior, whether it's healthy or not into my whole life, right? That behavior and those beliefs into my whole life, I'm not good enough, I'm not worth it. Although I'm funny enough, smart enough, good looking enough. And we carry those all the way through. And then in my case, like, I had those when I was five years old, then I start drinking when I'm 15. And that took away some of that pain, and then I was, then I was good enough, and I could talk and then I could dance better, and all that stuff. But I never really learned how to cope with those in a healthy way. So a lot of people fail in sobriety because they fail to work through these limiting beliefs. So this is a great, great topic. Because when I start with new clients, the first thing we do is we talk about our beliefs about ourselves, and like about our body, about our relationships, or family and sexual romantic relationships, our career, our finances, and our spiritual life, like those pretty much cover life, those areas right there. And let's find all of the limiting beliefs in all those areas, write them down, and then let's start chipping away at those. Because without, like, if we're just thinking about it with our other 80,000 harmful thoughts every day, that we're never going to find a solution. So we would need to like work through those. And when we write them down, I take my thoughts, which are running all over the place, my funky brain, and now I put them on paper. And now I have something to work on something tangible, that I can take action on and say, Wow, I I believe this. Well, that's a bunch of bullshit. Well, so I can get rid of that one quick. But this one, this goes deep. How can I work on, like debunking that harmful belief? Well, is it really true how let's look at areas in our life where that's actually bullshit. So I actually have a technical term, it's called bullshit stories we tell ourselves, it's, it's a clinical term, bullshit stories. So we look at those things and be like, I'm not good enough well, or are successful, or whatever it is, say, well, let's see, you've you've had this job, you're making six figures, you're fairly healthy, you have a relationship with your wife or your husband. So that we just proved that wrong. So there's ways to go about doing this and look at the things that we believe and then debunk those bullshit stories that we're telling ourselves,

Arlina Allen  34:36  

get somebody to, is there a process for that? Like, like, you know, I, you know, I do a class and the way we sort of do it is what is it that you want, and why don't you have it and the Why don't you have it as the BS story that you're telling yourself? Do you have a process for that? Or is it more sort of like you talk it through how do you get how do you how people identify their story.

Unknown Speaker  35:04  

Well, I mean, like, kinda like I just said, Well, these areas like that's a specific exercise, how I start with a lot of the reason, remember the drinking and the drugs and the food and the porn and the shopping and the Netflix, the scrolling, like all that talking

Arlina Allen  35:21  

about Netflix, that's not a problem.

Unknown Speaker  35:26  

I need my Netflix

Unknown Speaker  35:28  

for me. Right.

Unknown Speaker  35:30  

But those things like those aren't the problem. That's what I'm using to cope with the real problem, which is your actions? Yes. Those are distractions. Even the drinking now the drinking is twofold problem because, you know, that gets into those physical things. And, you know,

Arlina Allen  35:47  

that's a physical addiction as opposed to a process addiction.

Unknown Speaker  35:50  

Well, I mean, that it is an addiction, and but it is still just a distraction. At the end of the day. Yes, you know, and then we have to watch for cross addictions, like I quit drinking, but I'm going to smoke weed, or I'll quit smoking weed, but I'm going to eat a pizza every day. And I'm going to quit eating pizza belly to pound a chocolate every day, but but I'm going to get keeps smoke cigarettes are

Arlina Allen  36:13  

all distraction,

Unknown Speaker  36:14  

all distractions from feeling and from dealing with our limiting beliefs.

Arlina Allen  36:18  

Whether Okay,

Unknown Speaker  36:19  

yeah, so when we identify those, okay, write them down. Now we can work write them say, Alright, well, this has been going on my life for 30 years. So it's probably going to take a little bit of time. But let's, let's create some new healthy habits, some new ways of doing things that are going to help me become successful. And then we want to define some goals. So okay, let's say that, let's say, Alright, here's how I believe about my body. And this is how my health is. And but I want it to be like this. Now we have a goal. And this is how my finances are. But this is how I want my finances to be. Now we have a goal. So when we, we say, these are my beliefs about myself and all those areas. And then there's where I want to go, and then let's work on one at a time. Because not all of them. Because this is another reason people get overwhelmed. And then they do things like drink, because New Year's resolutions. Well, every new year, I'm going to write a book, lose 20 pounds, fix my relationship, make a million dollars and do all this stuff. And two weeks later, you're like, Oh, my God, I can't handle this. So I start drinking again and eat chocolate and and the next New Year's, it's the same five new year's resolution

Unknown Speaker  37:31  

vicious.

Unknown Speaker  37:32  

So what we need to do is focus on one goal, the one that's going to change your life the most probably the one that you've been putting off for 10 years, right. And then let's create specific steps to get that goal done at a high level. And then you don't need to drink. Like you start feeling building confidence. And you start feeling good about yourself. And you walk out into the row with your chin up and look in the world in the eye. And that's when we want to do and there's no space then for drinking or getting stoned or whatever your harmful behavior is.

Arlina Allen  38:01  

Right now. That's beautiful. I love that. Um, talk to me a little bit, how would you help somebody who has problems? quitting drinking? Because their partner still drinks? How do you address that? That's a tough one. Right? Well, yeah, I

Unknown Speaker  38:19  

mean, that that has layers. So it depends. Is the other person an alcoholic? Are they just drinking socially and don't want to quit? Do you have the hard talk with them? Maybe they will stop with you, you know. So? I mean, there's a lot of different ways to approach it, is it? Is it causing you to have cravings and causing you to relapse, then, then maybe we need to talk about boundaries. Maybe we say if you can't stop drinking, then I'm gonna have to leave for a little while or indefinite or whatever. Because you have to take care of you remember, self love, self care, self respect, and having people around that are going to continue to cause me to cause damage to my own health and well being. That's not self love. That's not self care and self respect. So, you know, these are the hard things to do. And this is why it's important to have somebody in your life because it's not easy to say to your husband or wife. If you can't stop drinking, I am going to leave. So you have to leave, or you have to leave Yeah, something like that. Because that those are the hard talks, but it's a paradise. The most successful relationships in the world are two independent people, not codependent people who have the hard talks and do the hard things. And they get through those things.

Arlina Allen  39:38  

Yeah, no, that's really good. Is it there it is. It is multifaceted and every it seems like every situation is different. And that is why it's important to have like an objective third party to help process through all these there's so many questions, right but you I feel like hit the nail on the head by saying that You know, the self care and the self love has to come first. And what you're really talking about is priorities. Like, if you're when you're quitting drinking, sobriety has to be your number one priority before your kids before your husband before your job, which, you know, strikes at the heart of fear of some people, because their financial security, you know, emotional security, personal security, you know, is tied to relationships and jobs and things like that, but, but if you are really struggling with alcohol, then it is gonna cost you everything that it is that you say is important to you.

Unknown Speaker  40:44  

Yeah, you know, that self love, self care and self respect people. There's a another misconception. And that is, if I'm doing those things, I'm being selfish. And there's a difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. And it's kind of like, you know, this is a, maybe you people have heard this before, but it's like, you know, when the oxygen comes down in the airplane, I need to put it over my face my nose first, because if I'm not breathing, I can't help anybody else. So it's the same thing with everything, I need to take care of me if my health is failing, because I can't stop drinking, that I need to start taking care of my health. And if somebody is in the way of that, then we have to stop the amount of time or reduce the amount of time that I spend with them. Because I need to take care of me.

Unknown Speaker  41:31  

Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  41:32  

yeah. And that gets lost that well. And that's something we have to build in sobriety is, we have to take some of the shame and the guilt away, which is why we talk about those things. And, and be become humble. And but take care of yourself.

Unknown Speaker  41:47  

And yeah, that means

Unknown Speaker  41:49  

diet, exercise, meditation, reading, things that are going to be productive. You know, when I was drinking, I didn't do any of those things. There wasn't any space for that. So I need to add healthy habits into my life that are gonna distract me from the distraction of drinking.

Arlina Allen  42:07  

You said something that really caught my attention, take away guilt and shame. Because I feel like the guilt and shame is what prevents us from the self love and making ourselves a priority. And we tie so much guilt and shame to alcoholism or addiction. Because we do shitty things when we're drunk or higher. In our loss and our addiction. When we're lost in our addiction, we behaved badly. And we ended so we have evidence that says I'm a shitty person. So maybe that's a negative limiting belief, right? That this guilt and shame is your identity. Right? And it's important to separate Don't you find that it's important to separate that? guilt and shame? How do you help people take that away?

Unknown Speaker  43:00  

Well, yeah, all the all of the the regret. or worrying about what I've done in the past, all the guilt and the shame can change one moment of the past. So we really need to learn to let that fee in the past, and now and we need to forgive ourselves. And you know, in the 12 step program, it's the fourth step. It's about like going in and finding your, your, you know, where your resentments where your fears are all those things, and then moving all through the work and you get up to where you go make amends to people and then putting the past in the past. That's the idea of all that. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  43:42  

that's a great process.

Unknown Speaker  43:44  

It's an incredible process. Yes. And then I we go even further, it's like continuing the growth, but it's important. And an important amends to make apology to me, whatever you want to call it is to yourself, there needs to we need to forgive ourselves. And one of the one of the processes I do is I have a four step forgiveness process where we work through and the first part is, is getting all the anger out, because you can't be angry, resentful, and love at the same time. Right? So we need anger out. And this comes in the form of letters. So I write letters to my parents, my ex my friends have screwed me over the president, all these people like that we hate and we're mad at. So we write letters, saying, you know, I hate you, I can't believe you did this. Fuck you, you screwed my life up, blah, blah, blah. We got to get all that anger out. And that process could take. I have one woman who I work with she was raped twice. And, you know, going through a forgiveness process. There's a lot of anger in there from 30 years ago. So we we worked on this for months of getting anger out. And then on to the next letter where You know what, I forgive you, I know that you were just doing the best you can. And, you know, I hope that that we're both able to move on. And I wish you well.

Arlina Allen  45:11  

The second letter is a letter of compassion.

Unknown Speaker  45:14  

Yes. Yeah. A letter of love, forgiveness, compassion. Now, while you're doing that letter, you're like, I forgive you. But fuck you. I still can't believe each other. But that means all the anger is down now. So we need to go back to the beginning and continue to get the anger out.

Arlina Allen  45:30  

Are they reading these letters to you?

Unknown Speaker  45:33  

Oh, yes. To me.

Unknown Speaker  45:35  

I'm sorry for anybody. All

Arlina Allen  45:36  

right, no, I get that. Okay. So what you're talking about is validating, in my mind, like people just can't move on until their feelings are acknowledged and validated.

Unknown Speaker  45:51  

Mm hmm.

Arlina Allen  45:52  

Yeah. And then, yeah, and that's what you're describing is. You hold space for them to you hear God's sometimes people just want to be heard. Right? Like, nobody's listening. like everyone's talking. nobody's listening. So you hold this safe space of listening. And you hear and see and feel with your heart. Yes, that sucked. I agree with you. I hear you. That must have been horrible, right? And there's almost something de escalates. Something, just that validation. In my mind. People cannot move on until they're seen, heard and validated. And then they can move to compassion and forgiveness, like,

Unknown Speaker  46:41  

yeah, yeah. And it takes time, remember, a lot of stuff, you know, we're deal a lot of this stuff we deal with, is unresolved emotion, it's unresolved things from the past, whatever it was, and these things can be decades old. And it's gonna take longer than a week or a month to, to undo these, these beliefs, behaviors, habits, ways of living that have been keeping us sick. It's gonna take a while to undo that. And take us but you know, the painful process helps us have sustained growth. Right? Like, that's

Unknown Speaker  47:19  

what I said.

Arlina Allen  47:19  

Sorry to interrupt you, but if I don't say it now I'm gonna forget. Cuz I'm old. No, it does take time to undo because and this is sort of an interesting point. Have you ever heard that? That saying that time heals all wounds? Such a lie?

Unknown Speaker  47:37  

And time to action?

Arlina Allen  47:40  

Ah, yeah, time with action heals wounds. I love that. Thank you. Sorry to interrupt. No, no

Unknown Speaker  47:46  

calm.

Arlina Allen  47:49  

What were you saying? I forgot.

Unknown Speaker  47:54  

Sorry.

Arlina Allen  47:56  

Okay, okay. So, get the anger out through the letters, it takes time with action.

Unknown Speaker  48:02  

Yeah. And then at the end, ultimately, we want to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves to get to the place where you know, I love I love you. I love you. Arlina I love you, Dennis. I love you, me, I love me. And, you know, we all make mistakes. And ultimately, that's where we want to get. And, you know, it takes a little time to get there. And sometimes it doesn't it sometimes some something silly, you know, like rape is a horrible, like one of the worst things that could ever happen in your life. So that one tastes a little more work. Sometimes it's smaller things. But you know, we just have to be willing to do the work. And once we start doing the work, then change happens. But if we continue to stay in our 80,000, stagnant thoughts from yesterday that are keeping us stuck? Not going to grow out of it? Well,

Arlina Allen  48:48  

there's, you know, the shadow side of all this is like we do it because it serves us in some way. Right. Thank you. Does we think it does. Yeah, we think it does. And I feel like that's like subconscious minds job is to sort of keep you in this little comfort zone. Because that's, you know, we develop like the default mode network, this this way of thinking this operating system and then your subconscious mind to conserve energy will try to keep you there. Right? Let it doesn't ultimately serve you because it's like, you have all this pain that you're not dealing with, and that's what's causing you to drink or behave in a destructive way. So I love this forgiveness process. And, and so, gosh, I I could talk to you all day, but I realized I want to be sensitive to your time. Okay, so

Unknown Speaker  49:38  

I'm all yours.

Arlina Allen  49:40  

Oh, you're so sweet. Okay, so the fruit, okay, so we ultimately forgive ourselves. And so my belief is that we cannot escape the same measuring stick that we judge others by. So if we're going to write that one down, that's right. So the VI The reason To forgive, in my mind, is that Have you ever heard that idea that anger is like our resentments? Like, like, anger damages the vessel that carries it right? It's like acid like that anger just poisons us. Right. But we hold on to this resentment because we're holding these other people to this standard. That may or may not be. Well, I don't know. It's like not serving anybody really. But

Unknown Speaker  50:31  

well know that. You know, that resentment holding up the anger. You know what that is? What? That's another distraction.

Unknown Speaker  50:39  

Oh, yeah, that's

Unknown Speaker  50:41  

exactly what that is. So having, drinking, getting stone, the I won't say Netflix anymore. But scrolling, the eating chick fil a at three in the afternoon, and holding resentments. Those are all distractions, feeling and growing. That's what they are. It's the same thing.

Arlina Allen  51:00  

You are healing the world today.

Unknown Speaker  51:04  

That's the truth. I mean, this is huge thinking. going deep. And most people aren't even willing to go this deep because it's painful. It's part of

Arlina Allen  51:13  

growing pains, though, right. And the thing is, is life is painful anyway, so you're going to experience pain, so me as well be intentional about it and process the pain to resolution rather than continue our distracting behaviors.

Unknown Speaker  51:32  

Master role,

Arlina Allen  51:33  

and you are? Well, thank you. And you are such a great facilitator for people. How How do people find you and work with you? If if you do indeed have your calendar is full. But if you could squeeze one or two people in how would somebody go about reaching out to you,

Unknown Speaker  51:57  

there's always room to help people. So it's Dennis berry.com. And you can schedule a free session on there. And we'll have a chat. And if you like it, we'll try some more. And if not, I understand. And from there, you can buy my book, and you can get to my podcast and the Life Mastery school you were talking about is I'm creating a series of free videos. And the current one that's up there now is addiction recovery. And there's like 15 or 20 videos there. And then

Arlina Allen  52:25  

I'm 10 or 20.

Unknown Speaker  52:26  

Yeah, so they're all free to watch. And then there's different topics within there. And I did love and relationships. There's about 10 or 15. There. I'm working on mindfulness and meditation, which we were just talking about, and health and wellness. So it's just it's Life Mastery school by Dennis Berry. And you just come in, you can watch all the classes you want for free.

Arlina Allen  52:48  

Life Mastery school by Dennis berry.com. No, it's on my website. Everything's on Dennisberry.com

Unknown Speaker  52:56  

Yeah, everything's right there, Life Mastery school mastery on Dennisberry.com. website. Hopefully that wasn't confusing. Just go to Dennis Berry, just

Arlina Allen  53:05  

just go to Dennis berry calm. I'll leave a link. If you're driving while listening to this. I will leave a link per usual. in the show notes. I will also include and the forgiveness process that was intense. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Unknown Speaker  53:20  

Yeah. And if anybody reaches out via this, then I'll just send him a free copy a PDF copy of my book.

Arlina Allen  53:27  

Oh, nice. What's the name of your book?

Unknown Speaker  53:29  

funky wisdom A Practical Guide to Life.

Arlina Allen  53:31  

Love that. So good. Um, okay. Yeah. So I will leave links to the books. I'll have the quotes in there. There was a lot of quotes, actually, you see a great quotes. And I'll leave a link to your website, podcast and Bach. Yay,

Unknown Speaker  53:54  

has a lot of stuff. You're the best. I love you.

Unknown Speaker  53:56  

I love you.

Arlina Allen  53:57  

You're my brother from another mother, for sure. Thank you so much for all the work that you do. I know that you your whole purpose. Like you're living your purpose, as am I now? Yeah. It feels really good to be of service and turn that in service, I would say that service is probably one of the fastest way to improve your self esteem if, if you're struggling with guilt and shame, start getting into service because that will help mitigate that as well.

Unknown Speaker  54:26  

So powerful. So, so, so true. You know, I said all the time, but you know, are you worried or stressed out or resentful or angry or whatever your feeling is? Did you help anybody today? Yeah. And it's sometimes it could be a big thing. And sometimes it could be just holding the door open for somebody but just stop doing it with?

Arlina Allen  54:47  

Yes. with intention. I love that. Well, Dennis, thank you so much for being so awesome. All the time. Thank

Unknown Speaker  54:55  

you.

Arlina Allen  54:58  

Good luck with your move to Mexico. I look forward to seeing all the pictures on all your socials. I'll leave links to that. Thank you so much for your time today.

Unknown Speaker  55:09  

Thank you. I mean, I appreciate you.

Arlina Allen  55:11  

I appreciate you too. We'll talk again soon.

Guest Links:   www.lisakelly.life

Instagram: lisaakelly.life

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Thanks for downloading the podcast! This week’s episode is actually an interview I did on my friend’s podcast, Life in Recovery Podcast with Ren Koi. We are going to talk about a few controversial topics, so I just ask that you keep an open mind. Recovery is not a “one-size-fits-all” endeavor. Everyone is different and there are many many modalities of healing. Ultimately, I respect and honor how people choose to recover. If it helps you and you recover, then God bless you.

I appreciate my friend and his thoughtful questions so much. He’s doing great work and he helps a lot of people. He’s a very prolific writer and I actually have the honor of writing the forward of his latest book, “All is one”. It’s a deeply thoughtful book and I’ll have him on my podcast again to talk about it some more.

So with that, please enjoy this conversation, with me and my friend Ren!

Hey friend, welcome to the podcast!

I have a special guest today, Paul Churchill from the mega-popular Recovery Elevator, with more than 10M downloads! He is also an author and since I spoke with him last, a new husband and father!

We had a wide-ranging conversation, including pushing past fear, new challenges in long-term sobriety, and how the recovery landscape has changed over the years.

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

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Josh B. - Peer Childhood Abuse, Suicidal Depression, Recovery from Alcoholism

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

In case we haven’t met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I am obsessed with all things recovery, including neuroscience, reprogramming the subconscious mind, law of attraction, all forms of personal growth and spirituality. I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94, and I believe in people finding what works for them. I honor all forms of recovery, but I do not indulge in, or encourage any form of shame based recovery.

I help women heal their past and create a life they love through coaching and hypnosis.

If you would like to find out if we are a good fit for coaching, please visit soberlifeschool.com and you can book a free strategy call.

Today, Matt Kelly joins us for an encore interview. He has been clean and sober for 38 years and today we are talking about his course available on Insight Timer called: Cultivate Mystical Experience in Passage Meditation. It’s a 7 day course that will teach you how you can have spiritual experiences that can lead to peace, joy, and freedom. 

It’s just not enough to hear about other people’s experience. While it can be inspiring and give home, we need evidence - and having your own experiences provides evidence that change really is possible.

Matt has been a mentor and a friend to me, and while this turned into a little bit of a therapy session for me, he shares so much wisdom and compassion, that I’m really honored to share this episode with you.

So there ya have it, please enjoy this conversation with Matt.

Antione Anderson-The Army and Addiction, Tragedy and Transformation in Recovery

Today my guest is Tommy Rosen, author of “Recovery 2.0 - Move Beyond Addiction and Upgrade Your Life” and the extremely popular Recovery 2.0 community that has thousands of members all over the globe. Tommy has interviewed major recovery influencers like Gabor Mate, Marianne Williamson, Russel Brand, Richard Rohr just to name a few. 

In this episode, Tommy gives a master class on recovery, the work of deep healing, and the power of mindfulness. He shares so many resources it’s tough to offer a recap that will do him justice, so how about we just jump right in? So with that, please enjoy this episode, with Tommy! 

Connect with Tommy!

Visit Website: r20.com

Follow on Instagram @recovery2point0

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Recovery2point0/

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

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Hi Friend! Welcome to another episode of The ODAAT Chat Podcast! In case you are new here, My name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. This is a podcast where my guests share their stories of alcoholism and addiction and their journey to recovery. For information on today’s episode and access to past episodes, visit odaatchat.com. Today my conversation is with Emily Paulson, mother of 5, and author of Highlight Real - Finding Honesty & Recovery Beyond the Filtered Life But before we jump in, I wanted to share an amazing audio book I discovered called “Awareness- Conversations with the Masters” by Anthony de Mello. Now, the title does nothing to distinguish it from other books, but it was recomened by Tim Ferriss and if he thinks it’s good I usually get it, and he did not disappoint. While listening to it, I kept blurting things like, “oh my god, yes!” like a crazy person because nobody was there, but I immediately knew I had to share it with you all because it’s just that good. So listeners of the ODAAT Chat Podcast can get it for free by subscribing to Audible.com, just visit odaatchat.com and you’ll see the Audible banner on the right. So Emily Lynn Paulson is someone I really appreciate because she has a great story but also because she was brave enough to pull back the curtain on what seems to be the perfect life, to show that everyone has their painful struggles and challenges. www.emilylynnpaulson.com IG @highlightrealrecovery So with that, please enjoy this episode, with the super fabulous Emily!

Hello Boys & Girls,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. If this is your first time listening, ODAAT stands for “one day at a time.

Today, my guest is Jessica Jeboult, host of the popular recovery podcast “A Sober Girl’s Guide” and author of “Save Your Own Damn Life”. She’s a fun, no nonsense kinda gal who has dedicated her life to helping other people recover from addiction, in whatever way is best for them. And it’s her second time on the podcast! We get into some family issues, different modalities of healing and some practical ways to maintain your recovery.

So there ya have it, please enjoy this wide ranging conversation, with Jessica!

Step 2 Call - Worksheets from "A Woman's Way"

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

 My guest is Steff Rusher, founder of “Fallen” a clothing line created to bring awareness to rape, sexual slavery, and human trafficking.  She donates 20% of all profits from clothing to the “Underground Railroad organization.”  Their website tag line is “We exist to rescue children from sex trafficking and sex exploitation.

I’ll just give you a heads up that although this is ultimately a story of overcoming addiction, hope and inspiration, some of the content is tough to hear. But we do talk a lot about solutions and we also have a lot of fun because hey, that’s just how we are!

Steff demonstrates a tremendous amount of strength and courage to have come so far. I intentionally chose to leave this episode largely unedited because I believe there is strength in vulnerability. 

Also because what has happened to her still carries consequences and I felt it was important to bear witness to the after effects. I was so moved by her story and her mission, that I am including a link to the Underground Railroad  Organization on my website as well, to help those who are committed to rescuing victims of sexual slavery. There’s actually a powerful documentary on Amazon and I’ll leave a link to it in the show notes.

Steff’s continues to live by example, what is possible for all of us, which is to heal our past. So with that, I would like to share this conversation with Steff. 

My guest today is a 2 time Grammy Award winner with 3 platinum albums, an Author, and Sober Advocate. I’m speaking of none other than Jim Sonefeld, drummer for Hootie and the Blowfish!

In this episode we talk about what it was like to ride the wave of fame after they got their big break on The David Letterman Show, and how he used alcohol to cope. We also talk about the pain of losing fame and his moment of clarity when his 4 year old daughter said 4 simple words to him.

But before we jump in, I have some resources for you. First is the bi-weekly podcast newsletter where you can get a digest of all the episodes, links to the show notes, and other resources that will support you on your journey to heal and thrive. To sign up, just visit SoberLifeSchool.com today!

And if you enjoy the podcast, please share with a friend, it’s the easiest way to support the podcast and I appreciate it more than you know!

I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Jim and let me know what you think!

Connect with Jim here:

Website: https://jimsonefeld.com/wp/

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Today my guest is Author, Podcast Host, and Clinical Social Worker specializing in trauma, Shelby John. She has been sober for over 20 years and has dedicated her life to helping others. We cover a ton of solutions in the episode, along with her personal story of recovery. So without any further delay, please enjoy this episode with Shelby!

Connect with Shelby!

Visit Website: https://shelbyjohncoaching.com/

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/ShelbyJohnCoaching

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Hi Friend!

Welcome to another episode of the Odaat Chat, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. If you haven’t yet, don’t forget to subscribe on iTunes, or you can get new episodes delivered right to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter at odaatchat.com.

If you are new here, this is a podcast where my guests and I talk about how to recovery from alcoholism and addiction. We typically spend the first half of the podcast on the backstory, but the magic is really in the solution, which is what we try to focus on.

I’m looking to uncover the moments of clarity, the revelations, and the tools and practices for healing which lead to long term recovery.

This episode is sponsored by my free 7 day “Connection Cure Challenge” -  how to overcome isolation and attract your tribe in 7 days. - I know what its like to feel overwhelmed by life, and lonely because all I want to do is isolate. But I found a solution that changed my life forever and I want to share it with you. It’s a free online course with a downloadable worksheet.

So if you’ve ever struggled with loneliness and isolation then you absolutely need to take this challenge and experience the relief that comes from feeling supported and connected.

Sign up for free at soberlifeschool.com

Today I’m talking with the world famous Tattoo artist out of Shamrock tattoo in Hollywood CA, and author of the book, Smile now, Cry Later, Guns, Gangs and Tattoos - Freddy Negrete.

His work is stunning. You can see some of his work on https://freddynegrete.com/ or his instagram at https://www.instagram.com/freddy_negrete/

He shares about what it was like growing up with a Jewish mother and a Mexican father, around gang members in the neighborhood. We go over how he got caught up in that world, the drugs, crime and violence and losing his son to drugs. Ultimately he shares how he was able to transform his life, and how he helps others through the book he published with his good friend, Steve Jones.

I would like to thank Amy Dresner for hooking me up with such an awesome guest, and Steve Jones for helping me set up the interview and of course Freddy for being willing to share from the heart, so that others might be given the hope of recovery.

So with that, please enjoy this episode with Freddy!

alcoholism, addiction, recovery podcast, sobriety podcast

Today my guest is Allen Berger, Licensed Clinical Therapist, and Podcast co-host of “Start Here: Conversations about what matters most”. He’s also published several books including:

“12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery: Avoiding Relapse through Self Awareness and Right Action” and

“12 Essential Insights for emotional sobriety: Getting Your Recovery Unstuck”

Dr Berger was able to break down ideas around the paradox of accepting powerlessness in order to transcend it, overcoming resistance to doing recovery work and so much more.

There were so many lightbulb moments in this episode, I can’t wait for you to hear it!

Before we jump in, I wanted to share with you that there’s a free resource guide available at SoberLifeSchool.com It’s called “100 Resources for your first 100 Days”. It’s a list of the books that have completely expanded my mindset, healed deep emotional pain, and provided context and perspective that have brought me so much self awareness and peace of mind. I also included a list of about 35 recovery podcasts, and facebook sober groups. I think it’s critical that those of us that are on this path of healing that we educate ourselves and connect with others. There are so many facets to recovery that it’s important to hear stories from others that are just like us and hear how they have overcome typical challenges. So grab your copy today at soberlifeschool.com and let me know which resources resonate with you the most!

So that’s all from me!  Please enjoy the episode with Dr Allen Berger.

Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

Connect with here:

Visit Website: https://abphd.com/

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Today my guest is Author and Recovery Coach, Fawna Asfaw. She oversees a private and prestigious young women’s transitional sober living in Los Angeles, CA, and founded The Good Wrk, helping young women rebuild their lives on their own terms.

Fawna also just published her memoir “Sober Daughter, A Memoir of Grief, Addiction and Recovery”. We talk about what was the root cause of her addiction, how she processed the death of both her parents, and how she was able to escape and overcome alcoholism.  

Before we jump in, please follow the podcast @odaatpodcast for daily inspiration and additional free resources including access to over 200 past episodes, book reviews, and general sobriety support.

So with that, please enjoy this episode, with Fawna!

Connect with Fawna!

Visit Website: https://www.fawnaasfaw.com/thegoodwrk

Follow on Instagram: @fawnaasfaw

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

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Today we're reviewing Laura's step 3 worksheet from "A Woman's Way through the Twelve Steps Workbook" By Stephanie Covington PhD.

OC100- Dr Stephanie Covington, Author of A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps https://www.stephaniecovington.com/ Hi Friend! Welcome you to another episode of The ODAAT Chat Podcast! In case you are new here, My name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. This is a podcast where my guests share their stories of alcoholism and addiction and their journey to recovery. For information on today’s episode and access to past episodes, visit odaatchat.com. Today my conversation is with Dr Stephanie Covington, Author of “A Woman’s Way Through the 12 Steps” which is the book I have used to take women through the steps for about 10 years now, and the foundation of the “Step Work Calls” I publish on the podcast. But before we jump in, I wanted to share that in order to help as many women as I can, I am hosting a FREE workshop called “Sobriety Reset”. It starts on 12/12 and you can sign up at Sobriety Reset.com - We are using Dr Covington’s book and worksheets to do the 12 steps in 6 weeks. So if you don’t like AA meetings and you still need connection and support, please join us! Right now we have about 200 women signed up, so I’m really excited to be a witness to the transformations! So back to the episode with Dr. Covington. She is an internationally recognized clinician, author, organizational consultant, and lecturer. She is a pioneer in the field of women’s issues, addiction, trauma, and recovery. She has developed an innovative, gender-responsive, and trauma-informed approach that results in effective services in public, private, and institutional settings. Dr. Covington’s clients include the Betty Ford Treatment Center, the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, the Center for Substance Abuse Treatment in Washington, D.C., the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, and numerous other treatment and correctional settings. Dr. Covington was a workshop chair for the women’s treatment improvement protocol (TIP) published by The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). She has had a profound impact on me personally, and the women who I have sponsored over the years. So with that, please enjoy this episode, with Dr Stephanie Covington.

Hi Friend,

Welcome to the podcast. In case you’re new here, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host.

This episode is brought to you by Sobriety Reset, an online, self paced 30 Day Bootcamp designed to help you get through your first 30 days of living alcohol-free. Using evidence based practices, you will learn the skills you need to not only reduce cravings for alcohol but tackle all the challenges that come with developing a new lifestyle that you can feel proud of. Challenges like how to handle social situations, changing relationships, dealing with the root cause issues that may be compelling you to drink in the first place, and so much more! So if Dry January is proving to be harder than you thought check out sobrietyreset.com. Give it a try and if you are not fully satisfied you can get a full refund, no questions asked. 

Today I’m speaking with Samantha Lander. She is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, Certified Personal Trainer, and Holistic Lifestyle Coach. Samantha has a pretty incredible story. She shares how she started using drugs and alcohol in her teens like a lot of us do, but also how she endured domestic violence, addiction and ultimately prison. We talked about the unlikely path she’s taken to pull herself up out of her former lifestyle and into a life that she loves, helping others to heal their bodies through functional nutrition. 

I really appreciate Samantha for her transparency, vulnerability, and her ability to help her clients achieve their goals. So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Samantha

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Today my guest is Lily Shanks. She is a former attorney turned certified yoga instructor and life coach. She is no stranger to perfectionism, workaholism, alcoholism, and burnout. Having learned how to overcome so many challenges, she now works with other women to do the same through a variety of practices. She is absolutely lovely, and I can’t wait for you to meet her!

Before we jump in, I have a favor to ask. The podcast is officially years old now, and I have spoken with over 250 guests, with some distinguished and exciting guests coming up. It takes a lot of work and expense to keep the show going; at the moment, I have 2 donors supporting the show. If the podcast has helped you and you feel so inclined to support the show through a donation, you can do so by visiting odaatchat.com, and there will be a link to donate. If you would like to support the show in other ways, reviews are hugely helpful, as is sharing it with friends. The show is a passion, and I’m so grateful for all the love and support. Thank you for an amazing 7 years, and I look forward to many more!

And with that, please enjoy the episode with Lily!

Connect with Lily!

Visit Website: https://www.myinternalweather.com/lilyshanks

Follow on Instagram my_internal_weather

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: Blackout, by Sarah Hepola, The Grapevine

Self Care Practice: yoga, pray meditate

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Connect with Tamar Medford:

Visit Website: https://www.theroadforward.ca/

Follow on Instagram @theroadbeyondrecovery

Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.

In case we haven’t met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I am obsessed with all things recovery, including neuroscience, reprogramming the subconscious mind, law of attraction, all forms of personal growth and spirituality. I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94, and I believe in people finding what works for them. 

Dealing with sudden death, changing relationships, depression in children, anonymity, and a deeper understanding of God.

0

0

OC65- Pat G - Over 40 Years in Recovery - A Life of Love and Service

Today my guest is Dr Luke Sniewski, author of Somawise: Get out of your head and into your body. I’m really grateful he reached out to share his story because if there is still a taboo subject in recovery, it’s porn addiction, and we need to talk about it.

You’re going to hear his story, the underlying trauma that is at the root of his addiction and the healing practices that helped him to transform his life. In fact he was so deeply transformed that he has dedicated his life to helping others. He shares a lot of wisdom along with a lot of practical advice that you can apply to your life right away. 

And speaking of transformation, I wanted to let you know that we do have a women’s Big Book study on Saturday Mornings, 8am pacific, 11am eastern. This is the book that is mentioned as being the most helpful in early sobriety, more than any other book from the 257 guests I’ve spoken with. We’re at the very beginning of the book so it's a perfect time to join. If you would like to check it out, just join the One Day At A Time - Private Women's Group on Facebook for the zoom link. 

So that’s it!  Please enjoy the episode with Dr Luke Sniewski.

Connect with Dr Luke Sniewski here:

Visit Website: https://www.lukesniewski.com/

Follow on Instagram @dr.luke.sniewski

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

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OC39 - Dan H. Dealing with Anger, ADHD, and Following Your Heart

Today I have a fun conversation for you.  I invited Dan H to be on the podcast because he talks fast, has a lot of crazy stories and he’s a lot of fun. But Dan also carries a recovery message of depth and weight.

We had a wide ranging conversation that covered how he became an alcoholic, how his sister nearly died in his arms, but was saved through a series of unpredictable events, to his moment of clarity and the peaks and valleys over the last 30 years.

He also shares how we went from “Angry Dan” to the gentleman he is today. He’s a great father, a loving husband and an amazing acupuncturist.

I hope you enjoy this episode as I did recording it. :)

Peace & Love,

Arlina

Hi Friend,

Welcome to another episode of The ODAAT Chat podcast, I’m so happy to be hanging out with you today! In case you’re new here, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host.

Today I’m releasing a Step Work Call! It’s with Laura, and we’re diving into the most transformational step, step 4! So excited...

But before we jump in, I’m really excited to share a resource to solve a problem so many of us in recovery which is weight gain and emotional eating. 

We’re hosting a free webinar:

"The 3 Secrets To Quickly Lose Stubborn Body Fat For 

Busy Professionals Over 40

...Without Starving or Exercising!" 

(Even If You've Never Been Able To Lose Weight Before!)

It’s a highly personalized coaching program, so we can only take 10 clients at a time. Once those spots are filled, we won’t open up the program for another 3 months. If you’re ready to lose weight and stop emotional eating, visit metabolicfoodsystem.com

So today’s call with Laura is going to be part 1. Since it’s a 4th step, I’m not actually sure how many parts it will be. In any case, this is the step that had the biggest impact on me early in recovery. I showed up to the program, completely self centered, but in capable of self examination. This was the first time I had a process that for unraveling the mess that was my life. I could finally see my part in the most challenging relationships.

My hope is that if you haven’t taken the steps yet, as you witness someone else go through the process, you will be inspired to do the work for yourself. So with that, I hope you enjoy this episode, with Laura.

OC66-Jesse Harless - Author of Smash Your Comfort Zone

Of the 294 episodes I’ve published, I have to say this one feels like magic. BIG Magic. From the circumstances of how I met Elizabeth Gilbert, to the significance of the day we recorded the interview, it all felt magical. And I haven’t stopped thinking about this conversation since. 

Just to give you a hint at how talented and brilliant she is, Eat, Pray, Love sold over 12 million copies and held the #1 spot on the NYT best seller list for over 6 months. If Wikipedia is correct, it lived on that list for 88 weeks! She was on The Oprah Winfrey show. If that isn’t impressive enough, Time Magazine included her on the 100 most influential people list in 2008.

Today she shares some of her experiences with writing the book that became a world-wide phenomenon, but also her recovery from sex and love addiction, and her experience with the 12 steps. 

Just a heads up, we did have some technical issues about half way through but it’s not too bad. 

I am so deeply honored to have her as a guest today. So, please enjoy this episode with Elizabeth Gilbert, and let me know what you think!

Connect with Elizabeth here:

Website: https://elizabethgilbert.substack.com/

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You might be wondering the purpose of the podcast, and what I can tell you is that besides wanting to clear up a lot of misconceptions about addiction and recovery, I also wanted to share the teachers, ideas and exercises that have helped me on my own journey over the last 22 years that fall outside the parameters of 12 step groups.

In my intros I usually review a book or another resource and today I’d like to share a meditation app called Headspace. If you are struggling with meditation or if you are a beginner, a guided meditation can be a good place to start. And the whole point of meditation is to calm the mind and help you gain clarity of thinking. I know from my own experience, that when I practice meditation regularly, my day flows better, I am not as reactionary or impulsive. I’ve been using it for just over a year now and I highly recommend it.

You can find a link to it on my website at odaatchat.com

In this episode I’ll be talking with Kevin. Kevin is one of those guys who is always in service. In our fellowship he has earned the nickname “The Mayor of ODAAT”. He has a talent for fostering connection and building community. Kevin shares his story of addiction, how he got sober, and how his family and life has healed and actually flourished in recovery, among many other things. He’s such a wonderful person and I’m so grateful we are friends. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did!

And with that, please enjoy this episode with Kevin.

odaatchat.com

Facebook.com/odaatchat

sobrietyreset.com

Soberlifeschool.com

Book recommendation: Alcoholics Anonymous

Favorite Mantra: God is love 

What I wish I knew: 

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Be sure to follow me on Instagram too! @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

Title: OC167 Anthony - Recovery from Alcoholism, True Honesty, and Being A Firefighter

Social Media Post: 

Click here to listen: https://bit.ly/3raCwua

Show Notes: 

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

Today, my guest is a dear friend from back home, Anthony. He’s been sober 32 years and got sober and stayed sober when he was 24! Proof that you can stay sober, even if you’re young.

In my last newsletter “Adventures in Recovery” I shared links to my current favorite podcast episode, an interview by Tim Ferriss with Dr Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford Univ. They were talking about how to rewire your brain for positive behavior change. Super validating since I’m in the process of certification for practicing hypnosis in my current coaching practice.

I also shared a powerful meditation that I’m currently using for emotion management. Love it.

And the latest book recommendation about how to use the breath for better sleep and mental focus. I struggle with ADHD so this was really enlightening for me personally.

This week’s newsletter will have some insights on the latest book I’m reading called “E Squared - 9 do it yourself energy experiments that prove your thoughts create your reality” by Pam Grout. It is literally blowing my mind!! I love the fact that we don’t always have to have faith, we also have science.

So there ya have it, please enjoy this conversation with Anthony!

Caitlin – From abuse, suicide attempts, and alcoholism to recovery love and healing

I’d like to share a book recommendation: “The Language of letting go” by Melody Beattie. It’s a daily meditation book for people dealing with codependency. Honestly, it’s my opinion that if you are struggling with addiction issues, chances are you are also struggling with things like setting boundaries, powerlessness, control, and all the other issues surrounding codependency. This is a great daily reader to help remind you of ideas that help you to stay centered and peaceful. You can find a link to it on my website at odaatchat.com

In this episode I’ll be talking with Caitlin. We go deep on this one. She was brave enough to share some of her struggles with depression and suicide and how she came back from the abyss to lead a happy and productive life of recovery and service.

There will be show notes on the website and an opportunity for you to leave comments and feedback.

And with that, please enjoy this episode with Caitlin!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

Today my guest is the founding drummer of Maroon 5, Ryan Dusick. Ryan is promoting his new recovery memoir “Harder To Breathe: A Memoir of Making Maroon 5, Losing It All, and Finding Recovery

We not only talk about life as a rockstar, but the descent of addiction, the root causes, his experience with 12 steps, discovering a new definition of spirituality and what life looks like for him today. It was such an honor to speak with him! So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Ryan!

Connect with Ryan!

Follow on Instagram @ryan_michael_dusick

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabit- Zinn

Favorite Quote: Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity - Seneca

Self Care Practice: Prioritize sleep, morning mindfulness and stretch practice

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Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

Connect with Jolene Park

Visit Jolene’s Website: https://grayareadrinkers.com/

Follow Jolene on Instagram @jolene_park

Watch Jolene’s TEDx talk: https://www.healthydiscoveries.com/tedx-talk/ 

The Lightning Round 

Book recommendations: 

Drinking, A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp

Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the Twelve Steps, by Charlotte Kasl

Favorite Quote: “This too shall pass”

Regular Self-Care Practice: Grounding - walking barefoot on the beach, breathwork, somatic work, and healthy eating.

Transcript: 

Arlina Allen  2:56  

Jolene, thank you so much for joining me today.

Jolene Park  3:03  

Thanks for having me I'm I'm really looking forward to chatting with you and getting to know you a little bit more in the studio.

Arlina Allen  3:09  

 Listen, I appreciate somebody who has done their own work and who has a lot of credibility. Can I just say that to you?

Unknown Speaker  3:20  

Thank you. I received that and appreciate that and feel the exact same way so I'm with you. Yeah,

Arlina Allen  3:27  

we were just okay, I'm not gonna go into a rant, but maybe just a tiny little soapbox. You know, little cautionary tale. There's, there's a while I love how open people are being with their recovery. I just really appreciate people who have done their own work, right? So and you'll hear it I listen, I can sniff it out in two seconds. If I'm talking to someone who has not done their own work. And I've listened, I've listened to your TED Talk, your other interviews, there's lots of really good quality stuff that you've been putting out that I really appreciate. Because you are rooted in logic, which is nice. You got a lot of science going on. I love me some science. So we'll talk about all the stuff all the things, but just for fun. Do you hear my dog barking? Yeah, one second. I'm so sorry.

Unknown Speaker  4:54  

Oh, I think you're still muted. Ah, here we go.

Arlina Allen  5:02  

Okay, I had to go. Let my I have an English bulldog named named Teddy had to let him out. Did you know that Dr. Andrew Huberman has an English bulldog?

Unknown Speaker  5:11  

I mean, his dog is no castellet. Well, long videos watch. Yeah, yeah. Costello was Costello

Arlina Allen  5:18  

okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so we were totally

Unknown Speaker  5:23  

embarrassed that I know that but I might make you vermin fans.

Arlina Allen  5:27  

Me, too. Oh my God. He's talking about him all the time. I digress. Sorry about that, I will have to edit that little part out. What I where I thought we would start is just kind of a fun little lightning round. It's a fun little icebreaker. When you first started your journey to do you call it do how do you refer to it your alcohol free journey, your sobriety journey?

Unknown Speaker  5:53  

alcohol free is what I use most. But you know, I'll interchange sobriety here and there, but in general, I, you know, I'll the term alcohol free is what I'm most comfortable with.

Arlina Allen  6:05  

Okay, cool. Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting, you know, over the years, you know, when people were first talking about getting sober, it was all about alcoholism. Right. And you and I know now that the DSM five doesn't even recognize that term anymore. It's alcohol use disorder. So which I appreciate because that sort of speaks to the spectrum. Right? There's an Oh, you're going to talk about this too. I'm not gonna steal your thunder here. But um, but yes, so when you started your alcohol free journey, were there particular books that you found really helpful?

Unknown Speaker  6:42  

Oh, what a fun question.

Arlina Allen  6:45  

I am obsessive when it comes to books.

Unknown Speaker  6:48  

Yeah. Because you know, when I started my journey, and Anna Grace's book was not out. Oh, okay. Unexpected joy of getting sober. You know, all of these these books, the sober diaries by Claire Pouliot. None of those. They all came after I quit drinking. Yeah, me too. So yeah, this is a really fun question. Kind of, you know, pre this big Instagram boom, about talking about alcohol free. I definitely read Carolyn naps book, the drinking love story. Have you? Have you read her memoir?

Arlina Allen  7:20  

I haven't. That also came out after I got sober. I heard that people read the books that came out when they got sober, or became alcohol free.

Unknown Speaker  7:31  

She wrote her book. I think it was in the 90s and the 90s. Yeah, okay. Yeah, she was an early, early one. And her writing is just exquisite. I mean, it's so visceral and it pulls you out. I mean, it almost it's called drinking a love story. And she really romanticizes the drink and she had an absolute 100% you know, drinking problem, but her writing is just mesmerizing. So I read her memoir a couple times. But you know, who I knew about early on to was Charlotte, I think it's castle, k s L, I never know how to say her last name. And she wrote the book moving beyond the 12 steps, many roads one journey,

Arlina Allen  8:18  

I think wow. And

Unknown Speaker  8:21  

and so she took a she looks at the physiology, which is you know, is a real core piece of my work and you know, potential things like blood sugar and, and allergies to alcohol and, and she, you know, she knew about that side as a psychologist, but, but were her work really, where she really anchored it was looking at the language of the bill Wilson's 12 steps. And so she wrote the 16 steps and more of a feminine kind of empowered approach, you know, she just turned the language and so I enjoyed her work and kind of her take on things. And I think that you know, her book came out probably in the 90s as well

Arlina Allen  9:03  

in the 90s that is so interesting. So I grew up in the church where I was accustomed to reading patriarchal language of the Bible and things like that. And and I was accustomed to reading things and then interpreting it like I didn't realize I was I had like this interpretation filter, so that you know, when I got sober in 94, all there was really was the 12 steps. And I was so desperate to be different and I just happened to know some people who were going and so I just kind of got they call it getting Eskimos in the cold, I guess. Um, and so that that worked for me. But it's so fascinating that there were so many women that are just like, I'm not okay with this, like this whole patriarchal thing and, and so it's so interesting to hear that Charlotte was able to sort of translate To the 16 steps I'm totally gonna have to check that out so that was a book that you read early on as well

Unknown Speaker  10:06  

it was because I I appreciated her comprehensive approach which is very much resonated with me about looking at the biochemistry looking at the emotional components and today's you know language around that is the somatic work the polyvagal work which Charlotte wasn't you know that's newer research but she was aware of that of that bigger comprehensive approach around the codependency is another you know term that was more traditional but that emotional sobriety and then the spiritual piece of it too and there's all different you know, currents to ride with that and and she helped me you know, have an appreciation too I've always been very neutral with with 12 steps I've been in and out of meetings you know, throughout the years and I certainly see from a nervous system standpoint the huge benefit of the community so being in a room with other human beings where you can be heard and seen and witnessed and you know, that your story is held and that's very healing to the nervous system. I understand the criticisms and I have you know, I respect you know, it's everybody has their different preference but speaking strictly from a nervous system standpoint community and the predictability the regular meetings the the support that that you know, there's a lot of dynamics in there that are very supportive to the nervous system now we can find them in you know, in churches or spiritual groups or movement groups like yoga communities or more knitting communities it doesn't have to be a recovery based community but in general community that's part of my acronym nourish uniting with others so

Arlina Allen  11:55  

I thought we're gonna get to that I wrote

Unknown Speaker  11:58  

and power code

Arlina Allen  12:01  

is so good it okay so I don't want to jump ahead but I'm just I'm gonna ask you about all that cuz I was listening to and I was like writing this down I was like, Oh my god, how did I not hear about this before? It's so interesting that we can sort of sort of like package or position information in a way that is so consumable and easy to remember your whole nourish, and that a knack? Is it an acronym my does that sound weird? acronym, acronym? Sorry, dear, I laugh at my own jokes. Bear with me. Um, okay, so the books these are, these are really good books. Okay, so drinking a love story, and then moving beyond the 12 steps, which I totally appreciate. Like,

Unknown Speaker  12:45  

let me let me throw one other in there that was very emotional. And we can as we get more into kind of the biochemistry of the book, seven weeks to sobriety was also very influential. And I can dig more into that but but the author, she has her PhD in nutrition. And she was inspired to write the book again in the 90s, I believe, is when it came out, because her teenage son, I think it was late teens, early 20s, went into to to traditional treatment, around the you know, mid 90s, and stayed sober, but was miserable. So emotionally, he came out of treatment and was still very depressed and he didn't drink but tragically then took his life because the alcohol had been removed. But the other pieces is like he didn't feel better, even though he was following you know, the program. And so his mother then said, there's something else we're not even talking about the physical side, there's this whole biochemical side and she got very interested in the nutrients and the amino acids and went on for her PhD to really learn that and then opened a treatment center in Minneapolis, called the health Recovery Center wrote a book called seven weeks to sobriety. And so that was an influential part as I was studying and learning functional medicine about that biochemical piece and and Charlotte wrote about that too. She understood some of the biochemical side but she really looked at kind of that psycho emotional spiritual. So those those were influential books to me while I was drinking like the you know, because I'm a I'm a nutritionist I'm a health coach, I have been for 20 years and so that stuff was always interesting to me. And I would read it and kind of chew on it and be like, this is kind of fascinating. It's a little bit off the traditional path. I still drink but it was planting seeds of where ultimately got me to my final stop what I used when I stopped and now what what I use in my work was was those early seeds.

Arlina Allen  14:41  

Yeah, so good. I mean, listen, there's a period of time like I lived in this barn, the Self Help section at Barnes and Noble trying to like think my way into right living as they say. And just because I had as I want to ask you about this a little bit later, but once having the information wasn't like applying them formation is kind of my current obsession and so we'll talk about how to apply it and but I think that's really important that we'll we'll talk about that Do you have a sort of go to mantra or quote that you live by

Unknown Speaker  15:17  

this too shall pass

Arlina Allen  15:18  

whoo that's fine

Unknown Speaker  15:20  

yeah or another one is you know all as well which comes from a Christian mystic in England Her name is Julian of Norwich. Yeah, I I like the Christian the feminine Christian mystics I draw a lot of wisdom from and that was that was one of her really well known quotes is well as well

Arlina Allen  15:43  

yeah. I love that Oh, you know what I'm what I like is that just popped into my head was in the end everything will be okay. And if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Unknown Speaker  15:54  

Yeah. Yeah. I often post that around New Year's, you know, turning up the calendar and kind of New Year's Eve and it feels like the end but it's you know, we're beginning

Arlina Allen  16:10  

Yes, every and has a beginning. I love that. Let's see, do you have a regular your own personal self care routine? Like do you like a daily practice a weekly practice,

Unknown Speaker  16:24  

I have a whole menu of nourishment that I have a bag of nourishment that goes Borg and self care. I'm admittedly i'm i'm not great about you know, hitting every single day. But I certainly have really favorite practices that and it changes you know, with different seasons, the time of the year as I grow and evolve and what my needs are, sometimes they're more physical, sometimes they're more emotional, sometimes more spiritual. So it shifts. Right now I'm in Charleston, right outside Charleston, South Carolina on purpose to be very close to the beach because walking barefoot on the beach scene at the beach regularly for me is a huge daily practice and regulator. So that's a biggie. Um, I like breathwork. So that's also very regulating and calming to me to do some kind of some. It's a little bit of Wim Hof. But it's not total Wim Hof.

Arlina Allen  17:26  

Half every morning like Monday through Friday. We host this little it's like a 25 we do Wim Hof for 10 minutes and then Tara Brock reign meditation for 10 minutes. No chit chat. No messing around, in and out. Love

Unknown Speaker  17:39  

1. Yeah, yeah. And so I find a grounding for me like literally feet on the earth and then kind of active breathwork both are very settling and soothing to me. And I like those a lot. So those are kind of my my key things saying, you know, really hydrated, sleep, regular, predictable bedtime and wake time is helpful for me. But yeah, you know, there's when I quit drinking, I was using more herbs. There's all kinds of stuff. I mean, we can all

Arlina Allen  18:13  

I know that. Yeah. Do you know I am just so glad that you highlighted that there are many tools that you don't do them every single day, like super hard, like you're not militant about it, and that there are different things for different seasons. Because often I talk to people, I even the clients that I coach, they're like, Oh, I didn't do this every single day. And it's like, you don't have to do it every day because our needs actually change and fluctuate. And so it's okay to be flexible, right? And just pay attention. Yeah, pay attention to what your needs are that day. And I have a client who called it her smorgasbord of things. But she you know, she did she put a time limit on it. She's like, Okay, I'm not gonna spend more than an hour, right? She's retired, she's like, I'm not gonna spend because then it becomes this other thing you beat yourself up with, like, all different things. So I like I like the flexibility. And I think consistency can be viewed, let's say over a month period of time, right? If you did, if you did something like 20 days out, that's pretty consistent. Right? You don't have to do something every day to be that's extreme thinking of consistent. We're so funny.

Unknown Speaker  19:30  

Yeah. And you know, he's a core philosophy of mind for myself and how I work with others, especially with women. I'm very interested in you know, the cycles and the rhythms. So in our own body within this is noticing nature, so noticing the seasons in nature, but we also have that those seasons within our own body. And so it's very linear and masculine, the masculine archetype to kind of a 24 hour cycle where it's like every morning, do a spin class. And there's nothing wrong with that. But more of the feminine Yin cycle is there's different times of the month depending if we're relating bleeding coming into oscillation, you know, out of our bleed time, our energy cycle is different. And even if you know women listening are menopausal had stopped bleeding or not bleeding for whatever reason, our bodies still sync with the moon. And so there's just times with whether the moon is full or dark a new moon, are as women, our bodies really sink in with that, and it's more about peak energy time versus a low energy time. And so it you know, you don't even have to let get militant about the moon or the moon. You know, this is my work of I'm always cueing clients of notice what feels really nourishing right now, not because you should or you have to, or somebody posted about on Instagram, but does it just feel nourishing to like, take a nap. And, and noticing that and giving yourself permission. So that's so much of my work of tracking, instead of beating ourselves with a whip, really noticing what can

Arlina Allen  21:11  

we Yeah, I love that you are not shame based, I can already hear it, you know, it's more nurturing and supportive. And you It's really cool. You know, a lot of the stuff, I know that you're like in the corporate world, like you're very corporate friendly, like palatable. And when I was listening to a lot of your stuff, I was thinking of my friends, you know, I'm from Silicon Valley, I did, I was corporate for a very long time. And in sales, tech sales, and so very, like male dominated very robotic, I would say, and very, like, absent of feelings. It's like, No, no, we don't talk about failing, they can talk about, they'll talk about stress, like, but that's about it, like tired or stressed. Like, the language is very limited. And so it's so it's so interesting that you have it seems like a very unique capability, capacity for being able to speak the corporate language, right, meet people where they are, but then also introduce very practical ideas, you know, paying attention to, you know, the moon and stuff like that, that that was not I did not expect that. And I think it's so refreshing when you're able to sort of live, you know, straddle the, you know, the corporate world, which is so robotic and so shot like, shallow is that I don't know if that's fair. But you know, people are trying to survive in this very, you know, a, a type driven accomplishment, don't feel anything environment. Right? Yeah. I don't know, where alcohol

Unknown Speaker  22:45  

comes in. Like, it makes so much sense then, when we drive ourselves at that level. Why alcohol is also so prevalent in

Arlina Allen  22:52  

the corporate world. Yeah, big time.

Unknown Speaker  22:55  

Yeah. You know, and that's where I really feel like I learned how to corporate minds love physiology. And they, they're fascinated by how the brain works, and that peak performance and, and how to manage stress, you know, that those are buzzwords. And so bringing that in, in kind of a fun inspiring, like, a little bit of a different angle. It's that's where I learned to, to really speak to this, that that was kind of a universal message. And so, you know, I certainly wouldn't lock in talking about the moon. I have, I have found that weird. You know, I'm interested in those aspects that I've found by building the rapport and laying the groundwork of when there's this gut brain connection and what the bacteria in your gut is doing. And this there's this nerve in the back of the cranium called poly vagal nerve, when it's not toned. And this dysregulation, like, which I mean, I level that too. I'm fascinated by it. I you know, I love kind of that logical, yeah, give me that, you know, what is this? Like? How does it work? Why does it work? And then building that rapport where people can be like, that's so fascinating. And then it's like, oh, and do you also know that it's our bodies are 70% water and the moon regulates the tides that the ocean water? Our body is also you know, there's a thing to that it's responding to it. Yeah. And so when we set it up in the physiology which all of this can can be backed in physiology, there's data for all of it, and then it doesn't sound so Whoo. And like, well, this is just nuts.

Arlina Allen  24:43  

It's like well, I love how science is explaining why woo is so fascinating, right? It's like there are those of us that less I'm pretty open minded. You know, but I need some science behind it to, but I am I almost missed the whole we should highlight the fact that Do you really like this gray area drinking expert right that's that's really how I came to know you and I thought you know that is meeting people where they are in the corporate world like in the corporate world these people are so driven and there's this perfectionism that happens in the corporate world it's like don't show any of your any of your flaws you know it's like this very robotic it's pushed yourself you know endlessly this 80 Hour Workweek is celebrated and you know they claim work life balance but you know I would be on at sales you know, quarterly business reviews where the VP would be out drinking until like, you know six in the morning and show up for the eight o'clock meeting still a little bit drunk I'm I would imagine and so it's so interesting to sort of gently like we're avoiding words like alcoholism which you know, we don't we understand that that's not really a thing anymore. There's a spectrum but the gray area drinking seems to be seems to be a very nice entry point Can you explain to the listeners like people listening they're like what is this gray area drinking because I think once you explain it everyone goes Oh, yeah, I totally know what that is. Yeah, so

Unknown Speaker  26:15  

I was teaching I was doing a lot of contract work from 2004 to 2011 in corporate America trip flying and traveling around the whole United States doing on site workshops being contracted to come in for exactly what you're speaking to us Can you come do these training programs for the employees on this work life balance, they're really stressed they're you know, we're watching the biometrics we're doing these health fairs and we want to have blood pressure kind of overall more in range and their cholesterol and their BMI and we realize it's more of a comprehensive approach so when you come teach them so that you know that was that's my foundation and the work I was doing and what we never talked about around blood pressure and weight and sleep issues and stress was alcohol but you know, bringing in then these resources these regulating resources of around food and around sleep and really practical things to do some regulation in the body which which employees loved and because you know, a lot of people would come into the workshop saying I know this stuff, I'm a marathon runner, you know this it's my hobby and and then we do these workshops and they're like, I didn't know this like I didn't know that about you know, grounding and what like the omega three fat actually does in my brain with my neuro chemicals and so again, people I work with, they're very well read, they're very smart they like this information, they're already reading books listening to podcasts, but then when we can apply it to peak performance and the challenges that come up because of the you know, the corporate deadlines and and a lot of people are drinking heavily and we're not talking about it. And so I would come in from the angle of your craving brain whatever your brain is craving. Here's some ways to you know, because you don't hang the hang the poster seven come to the alcohol class in the boardroom at noon, like people are not going to be alone, right? People are not going to you know, trip over themselves to get to that boardroom but when we talk about the craving brain and ways that you can regulate and work with you know, your innate body's rhythms and cycles and systems in the gut in the brain, people were really really fascinated by that. And then to your question about you know, what is gray area drinking it's that space where people are functioning really well my clients tell me this all the time, I saw it all the time in the corporate world, people function and they drink really heavily. And if they didn't fall into that those traditional definitions of like end stage, just kind of rock bottom the wheels fall off our life but they also weren't every now and again drinkers where they had a drink or two a couple times a year, they were in between this and it was this gray area where again slipping through the cracks it was the white elephant in the room that is how everybody was drinking and nobody was talking about it. And it's how I was drinking and teaching wellness you know, it's like I love this stuff I love about functional nutrition and with the body and regulating the body and then on the weekends I'd be out with my friends drinking like everybody else around me It's how we all drank but it was just you know, and then I would stop many many times and I can't keep drinking like this and I was able to stop it wasn't a problem for me to stop what was more of the problem was after a couple months saying why am I being so restrictive I can have a drink so I would go back to drinking this the staying stopped the same stop which is very characteristic of gray area drinkers because people will say you know, I don't drink every day I you know, go weeks and don't drink. I'm like that's really characteristic. But the hard thing is Sticking with that because it's this gray area of like but nothing bad has happened like I don't have this external kind of proof that there's a problem yet it's the 3am wake up the dry mouth that mentally beating ourselves up but nobody hears that conversation except us in our own head and then going through the gymnastics of okay I'm now I'm just going to drink on the weekend I'm not going to I'm not going to drink again I'm it's this whole thing that goes on for months and years that nobody ever talked about

Arlina Allen  30:31  

this it seems there there's this whole other layer of insanity that goes around trying to manage it right like oh well I'm just gonna drink a glass of water between drinks or I'm gonna have a glass of water by the bedside with electrolytes in it so that when I wake up in the morning in the middle of the night just totally dehydrated or you know having the Advil and the by Xen and the charcoal things and the oh my god I'm exhausted just thinking about it right it's like this whole insanity to make make it okay from for the drinking part and it's the whole back and forth that is was so exhausting I wonder so and we were talking a little bit about like just having the information is not enough it's about applying the information but don't you feel like there had to you had to like make a decision like at some point you got sick of the back and forth and you what what was there like a tipping point for you that you were just like this is that I'm done for good this time?

Unknown Speaker  31:29  

Well that was December 14 2014 which was the the solid in my bones resolute I'm done. This is it and you know, it wasn't a Cavalier decision It wasn't easy. Alcohol is a problem for me you know, it was very typical for me I'm just gonna have a glass I can just you know, I want to just open a bottle at home pour that glass and then I would drink it and be like, ah, screw it I'll have enough it was very easy to do you know finish the bottle that was that was my kind of typical pattern and knock on wood. Fortunately nothing you know, half bad happened like I didn't have a DUI or anything like that, but there was so much of that. That's how I drank and then I would stop many many times over the years under the wellness umbrella I'm going to do a paleo challenge I'm I'm doing a yoga you know challenge I I'm just not going to drink and people get used to that and and it worked because they knew I was in wellness they knew I was and it's like oh that makes sense like you're doing so I never really it was it I flew under the radar with it. But then I would say oh I can you know be a social drinker. I want to be a social drinker. So it really to your question, it was just so much of that back and forth which is exhausting. It never changes I would go right back to where I left off whether it was one month or seven months it didn't matter and it was just this resolute because I had bad you know back and forth so many times of just I'm tired of this. I don't want to keep doing this. I've been through different seasons with it I've been through different experiences with it. You know what I've been dating not dating really high stress with work or whatever, it just doesn't change and I had that real conversation with myself December 14 2014 going through those scenarios of like you know what if I go on this romantic holiday like what if and I was like no no, I'm just I'm done. And that was seven I'm coming up on my seven year anniversary this December.

Arlina Allen  33:40  

Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. Congratulations that is not easy. That is not easy. Yeah, so Okay, so you know what I love about what you do is that the science behind it the science behind like the addiction of alcoholism or alcohol the science sort of depersonalized is that right? And so it takes out the shame takes out the gill and it's like well of course you're getting addicted to alcohol Look what it's doing to your brain right and so you talk about three the neurotransmitters and a way that I thought was so good it was like oh, that's why right so you talked about GABA, serotonin and dopamine and you're gonna be able to explain it much better but when I heard you talk about it the first time I was like that as the shit Oh my god, like people need to hear this. So what is your What is your explanation behind those three neuro chemicals and how they make us feel that sort of drive the compulsion to drink

Unknown Speaker  34:46  

well, so that you know there's there's four major neural chemicals I hit on three of them in my TED talk, but there's four major ones. So two are the gas pedal for our body and then two are the brakes for us. So the gas pedal dopamine and serotonin. So dopamine is the drive that shapes that with the motivation to to move. To get up out of bed and produce we need that we need to be motivated. And then the acetylcholine is the other kind of gas pedal. And that's about focus and memory. And then serotonin and GABA are the brakes. So GABA is that relaxation feeling where the mind shuts off. And there's just that feeling of kind of that downshift. And serotonin is just the feeling of happiness, bliss, life is good, I'm not really needing or craving anything to fill a void right now I'm just I'm content I'm good. And so we need the balance of gas pedal what you know, we need to move and stay motivated and produce and we're, you know, accomplish and have that drive. And we need memory to have that memory bank and our focus and like these are, you know, important things just to biologically function. But then we need to balance that with rest and relaxation, and some happiness and some bliss and just contentment. And so when you know, those get out of balance for all kinds of reasons, sleep, you know, not sleeping, well, eating a lot of processed food and sugar, drugs and alcohol, trauma, stress, so all of those things can open up the valve, where's those neural chemicals just flush through us much quicker, because we're inside that's like who there's stress, there's, you know, all this sugar, all this alcohol. So we need to compensate open the valve and then all of a sudden, it's like, we're really depleted now and gabbeh or something, you know, we're going through that scenario, and the body just can't do the uptake enough to replenish and make it quick enough to fill it up. So we're the dumping it too fast, or not making it fast enough. And so when we come into baseline, the body can do what it knows to do, it can make adequate chemicals through real food, like omega three fish oil, you know, through the amino acids, those are the raw materials that then make these neural chemicals. And we can we can hold on to our neural chemicals and not just flesh them through our system so quickly, by you know, some different practices and movement and rest and good replenishing sleep. And so to me, it's it's where the rubber meets the road with all of the practices, exercises, theories, techniques, because you spoke to it a minute ago about how we can just kind of get into like this militant, like I need to do it, I should do it. I heard it's good. I heard it's bad. I heard it's like, no, it's about noticing, what are you needed to replenish right now what's deficient and depleted. And so the body's just trying to keep us in homeostasis, and that, and then we reach to alcohol. So it's like when we understand the physiology, it's like, Oh, interesting, something's depleted and deficient, physiologically, not psychologically. And so the body's just trying to compensate. So alcohol is a physical substance, our physical body is depleted, we and our physical body, and we get a physical effect very immediately. So the body's like, keep doing it, like i don't i, this, it seems to work immediately. So and that's been where that addictive loop gets in. So where I then work is, let's lift the hood, what's depleted in the first place, biochemically, emotionally, energetically, and let's replenish what's truly needing to be replenished. It's not because you're a bad person, or you did something wrong. It's just like going to be in the body detective, the body whisperer, which I love doing. And, and often, it's just, you know, it doesn't have to be really complicated. It's just going back to the basics. And I'd find this in the corporate world all the time, too. We want the shiny, you know, stuff, the shiny next thing, and nobody's hydrated. Nobody's sleeping regularly. And this is where the application comes down. Because it's, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I should drink more water should get better slide,

Arlina Allen  39:12  

isn't it, nobody wants to hear that.

Unknown Speaker  39:17  

It's not sexy. It's not glamorous, and we're out the other. I'm the same way I get it. But what's really cool about this work is when you have the actual experience. So when you actually have a 10 hour night of deep restorative sleep, it's mind blowing, it's a 180 it's the same way with, you know, sewers,

Unknown Speaker  39:36  

or certain things. And so I'm always working with clients of like, it's not about getting a gold star from me and checking the box and doing all these things to perform and achieve. That's what makes us want to drink because we're, we're exhausted. So now it's when you put something in when you add it in, what happens because when we drink something happens and so if you're not noticing an effect that's really Positive that you can, you know, like, again, when I do breath work, there's an effect. Like, I feel that I mean, there's this bliss and this calm that moves through my body by by, you know, consciously doing different practices with my breath. So it's like I want to do that again, like that almost feels like I just had a glass of wine, what I did with that breathwork so that's the work and it's it's exciting, it can be really inspiring. And it's very empowering to go back to the physiology because that's where all the secrets and the magic are. And it puts aside the psychological shame that we've kind of gotten tangled in that's really unnecessary. Yeah,

Arlina Allen  40:40  

you know, you hit on something that kind of sparked a light me which is about adding in, because a lot of recovery is about taking away, right, we're taking away the one thing like listen, when I was still drinking, and I smoked a lot of weed. Taking I was I loved those things, those were the things that receiving me, right and I crashed and burned early, I was done at 25. Because I did not manage, because not managing well. But to let them go was so hard because it was I felt like the thing that was bringing me like that was saving me so to let it so deprivation, I you know is a big thing for people that are you know, going alcohol free, or getting sober or whatever. And I love the idea that you're presenting which is adding in, right, let's add in the things that give you the feeling that we wanted from the drugs or alcohol in the first place. So it's a totally different mindset instead of deprivation. It's about adding I love that idea.

Unknown Speaker  41:46  

Yeah, I do too. deprivation doesn't work for me. So I'm not going to try to talk with somebody else or coach somebody else through deprivation, like I don't want to be deprived who does. Nobody wants that. It doesn't work. So I would

Arlina Allen  41:58  

be there we would be broken alone.

Unknown Speaker  42:02  

And we know from behavior change from behavior, psychology, that deprivation, it never works now, but I can put it back in the physiology. So what we're dealing with is the amygdala and the animal brain, the animal brain only concern it has one concern as to keep us alive, right? And so if there's a sense of deprivation, that signals it's a biological signal, we're gonna die. So who's gonna win? Is that animal, right? Every time. So we've got to give the message then to the amygdala, that alarm center in the body that we're not in this deprivation, like we're not going to die, you're, we want to give that animal something. And, and that animal kind of limbic brain, it doesn't understand language. So this is why you know, saying, Just relax.

Arlina Allen  42:51  

Don't ever tell an angry woman to relax? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  42:54  

well, it's like, it's literally like saying to an animal, just relax. They don't understand words our animal brain does literally doesn't understand words. But what it understands is sensation. And so alcohol gives us sensation in the physical body, walking barefoot on the beach gives a physical sensation. If I take a gamma boosting herb, it gives us sensation. And so that's where it's like the rubber meets the road with these practices of what we're doing is we're working on the physiology to give us sensation, that then travels up the spinal cord from the body into the brain saying, Oh, that feels good. And the animal brain is like, Okay, I'm not deprived, I feel this comfort, I feel soothing, I feel contained, which is what we're ultimately looking for. So it's not you give up alcohol and jump off a cliff and just hold your breath and hope for the best. It's, you make a decision to stop alcohol, and then open up this door and explore all of these really cold processes that give a physiological effect that no one ever taught us. But

Arlina Allen  43:59  

exactly nobody ever taught us that's why we're using reaching for things that are not good for us because you know, that's what's available. We don't know about all these other things. And this is really speaks to the I want to get to the nurse thing, don't let me forget. But I wanted to also point out something that you highlight, which is it used to be that we would talk about the brain first and then the body and you flip that around, you're talking about addressing the somatic experience and and you hit the nail on the head when you're talking about experience and feelings. Right? And so talk to me a little bit about how we you're we're looking at this differently now we're looking at somatic and then neuro chemistry.

Unknown Speaker  44:45  

So you know, that's the latest neuroscience, where Bessel Vander kolk, who wrote the bought the book, the body keeps the score. Oh, Peter Levine, who is the grandfather of somatic experiencing. This is the current research and it's not their opinion. It's I mean, the data is there.

Arlina Allen  45:02  

Yeah, there, we have empirical data, we've got the

Unknown Speaker  45:05  

data, they're doing the studies, they're you know, they're measuring gabbeh levels, then they have a group of people do 60 minutes of yoga, and then they measure their data levels again, so they're really watching this kind of stuff. But where all of this kind of somatic new neuroscience, what they find from research, not opinion, is that it's bottom up, not top down. So we work with the body, which is kind of all the stuff I've been talking about when we shift the body and the body can start to feel a sensation of calm, and soothing and grounding. That message goes up the spinal cord to the brain. And then the brain can say, the animal brain can say, okay, we're, we're okay with that. Because, again, that animal brain doesn't understand language. So we can't talk to the animal brain. We have to have feel that sensations in the body in really practical ways. This is not esoteric. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.

Arlina Allen  46:01  

I like blue. But this is science.

Unknown Speaker  46:03  

Yeah, yeah. So that it's, you know, it's where the neurosciences and so that's where I work I work with with physiology with

Arlina Allen  46:11  

physiology. Okay. And that makes perfect sense. And that maybe this is a good segue Can we talk about your acronym for nourish because it was all

Unknown Speaker  46:21  

good, thank you. So as a as a functional nutritionist, my just really kind of, to pick a word that embodies my work over 20 years, it's it's nourish, which is my strength, and also my shadow, because the work for me is continually nourishing myself and not just food. So what I teach is what I also learn and keep practice. Yeah, so I'm always you know, it's not like I just quit drinking and now I've arrived and tell everybody else what they need to do. Constant practice, alright, but but the word that anchors that for me is nourish and then I created an acronym out of that for for my TED Talk. And so and is notice nature. Oh is observe your breath. You is unite with others are replenished with food. I initiate movement. s sit in stillness, and h is harnessed creativity. And I'm working on my book right now all about that, oh, there's numerous, numerous options and resources and things within each of those categories. But it really brings that whole comprehensive approach biochemical, somatic, emotional, energetic routines, that different things work for different people for regulating and nourishing the nervous system.

Arlina Allen  47:51  

You just said something in my eyes lit up, because everybody is different, right? There's so many different paths to this sort of recovery, sobriety, alcohol free life, right? Not there's no one solution that works for everybody. And I think that's largely what's so confusing, is, there are so many, like everybody is so different. And there are so many different tools, but I like the idea that this nourish actually can be applied no matter what your specific situation it is. Your situation is. So what are some of the you mentioned, different supplements and things to sort of regulate those? You know, the GABA, serotonin, dopamine, acetylcholine? What if someone's curious about like, what they should be using? Do you have a resource on your website? Or maybe you can just rattle off a few things that people might try?

Unknown Speaker  48:50  

Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to kind of talk through some of those pieces. So I work with clients one on one to really customize this piece. And kind of piggyback on what you just said, I really work with biochemical individuality. So I can rattle off some things, but it surrounds snowflakes,

Arlina Allen  49:06  

unique snowflakes, right? It doesn't

Unknown Speaker  49:09  

mean everybody out there then needs to take this particular supplement or eat this particular food. And B, this is my functional medicine background of what is individual for your biochemistry. And there's different ways to test that. And we can do lab testing and things. But But you know, the easiest, most inexpensive way is when you eat something, when you take something when you do something, notice what happens next, and three things happen. And it can be a really profound like, wow, that helps so much. My mind is blown right now. Or it can be kind of a neutral, like didn't really feel anything one way or the other. Or it can be I hated that, and I don't like how I feel now. And so I'm always cueing people back to that and the more kind of regulated and grounded we are in our body when the body is Calm, and there's practices and ways to do that, the easier it is then to kind of notice, like, what just happened here. Whereas if we're always kind of up in our head and just running and you know, in that intellect mental, it's hard to be like, I don't even know if I liked it. I mean, I just did it. So that's the argument of kind of somatic work. But um, but going back to just kind of some things, you know, I recommend, so biochemically whole food is king is golden. eating real food is is a great place to start. So did it grow from the ground? Can you pick it? berries? You know, bananas off the tree? Can you know, can you hunt it? If you eat meat? Can you gather it like gathering fish, or eggs or cream from the cow. So actual real food, that there isn't a list of ingredients, you know, 43 letters long and a whole paragraph. Real Food. And this is what I would teach in corporate all the time is, it's actually really, really fascinating. You know, one of the most fascinating lectures I ever heard in functional medicine, was a medical doctor who lectured about broccoli for an hour, it was fascinating. Because the chemical breakdown in broccoli, and every fruit and every vegetable, some of that we are still discovering. Because it's like, yeah, yeah, eat your vegetables. But when you really break it down, it's mind blowing, like what that, again, it's physical food and our physical body, what that does. So going back to the basics of whole food, if there's anything I can inspire people with is eat real food. That's in season, it's local, it's colorful, if possible, sometimes that's not always possible. But starting there, you know, eating regularly, because then the body breaks down into amino acids that are the raw materials for the brain. When you eat real, healthy fats, those break down into the omega three fats, some of our omega six fats, those are those necessary fats, again, for the brain, you know, good vegetables, even fermented vegetables, like sauerkraut, that's that good bacteria that goes into the gut. So there's just, it's just endless. The benefits of, you know, the exciting, like, mechanisms within food. And so I like to start there and try to you know, inspire people, and you don't have to, like clear your cupboards. It doesn't have to be radical. Yeah, I'm never radical about any of this. But the idea of adding something in instead of trying to take a bunch of stuff out, add in real food,

Arlina Allen  52:39  

and real food, that isn't it? Yeah. And I think you were, I think I heard you say that the amino acids and the proteins are the building blocks to these neuro chemicals that we need. And like, at the end of the day, when maybe your gamma is low, or serotonin, or whatever it may be, all of them are low at the end, is that true that it's low at the end of the day?

Unknown Speaker  53:00  

That's a good question. Um, I think it's more kind of over time, you know, like a 30 day period, a snapshot of like, what are we, you know, kind of dumping in that period, although there are urine tests that we do a 24 hour urine collection, and they are seeing like, how much of the neurotransmitter were dumped into our urine in a 24 hour period. So I think it's both you know, just kind of seeing like, the pattern that the body is on but also it's interesting, like what happens over over a longer period too.

Arlina Allen  53:32  

Yeah, the reason I asked about the end of the day because I feel like that's like the witching hour for a lot of people, you know, but I think it speaks to meeting like we're so jacked up all day trying to get stuff done, that in the evening we're trying to do was deregulate down regulate to regulate, yeah, just just regulate, yeah, emotion management thing.

Unknown Speaker  53:56  

So biochemistry is a huge part of it, our neuro chemicals, our blood sugar, our you know, our thyroid, our gut bacteria, our adrenal function. So adrenals are closely connected with dopamine. So if we're running on cortisol and adrenaline, then we're also pulling down on dopamine as well. Every neural chemicals connected with a hormone. So progesterone and gabbeh are connected, which I find a lot of women who are in this gray area struggle with wine are low and progesterone and low and Gabba. And you know, a common kind of symptom complaint of those two chemicals being low is anxiety and difficulty sleeping. And so a lot of women that are reaching to wine to help them sleep and to help manage their anxiety and when we lift the physiological hood, it's low gabicce, low progesterone. So there's all of these kind of physiological pieces, we can start with food, there's different nutrients that can i Find a lot of women are low and gabbeh. Dopamine is the sexy neuro chemical that everybody's like, oh, the dopamine hit the dopamine hit but but in reality, if we're really trying to boost dopamine, we tend to be more interested in things like cocaine, ecstasy, espresso, a pot of coffee, where if we're cocaine or coffee is more low gabbeh, which I'm certainly have that predisposition to be low gabbeh that's been more reaching to things like marijuana, Cannabis, alcohol to hit that off switch. So it's interesting what people you know, reach to so that's the biochemical side, there's some herbs or some nutrients to boost GABA boost dopamine, but then there's also what you're talking about kind of the witching hour, at the end of the day, that then goes into some of just the nervous system fight flight freeze response. So it's not always biochemical, but they're all interconnected, they all work together. If we're in a constant flee response, we're going to be dumping a lot more, you know, of our gas, the dopamine they see, so it all connects. But the but the fight flee freeze response. And if we're, if that valve is always on, if we're always kind of in a flee or in a fight, or we've just in that frozen kind of immobilized, protective state, that's exhausting. Any of those states if the, if the on switch is always on. So by the end of the day, it's hard to continue, we're exhausted holding that dysregulated state. So now we want to regulate it with alcohol to kind of let the valve off constantly, you know, we're fleeing, we want to move we want to, and it's like, I want to stop and slow down. So it could be some of that polyvagal kind of stress response, as well. And then there's, you know, the, the energetic side of things. So this is acupuncture, you know, they talk about, like how the energy moves in the body. So, if there's an area that's, that's more stuck, or moving really fast, and that's where body work comes in acupuncture, you know, working with the energy system, so there's no one size fits all, but I work with people to get kind of the full story. And it's like, where do we want to kind of start here with what might be a missing piece? And what might be depleted? And it's so

Arlina Allen  57:17  

good, how do people connect with you if they want to reach out and work with you.

Unknown Speaker  57:23  

So gray area drinkers calm is my sites where all my info is, you can email me I work with clients, one on one, I have a coach training where I train other coaches on the nourish method. And my TED Talks, there are lots of interviews I've done. And then I have did a podcast as well called edit, editing, our drinking and our lives. And so all of that on gray area drinkers calm.

Arlina Allen  57:48  

That is amazing. I leave all leave links, ever. I know people are probably taking notes or driving or whatever. So I'll leave all the links in the show notes. But this has been such a fascinating conversation. I could easily talk to you for the rest of the day. So many questions. And I just think this was so helpful. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me. It's fun to meet you and chat with you. Thank you. Yeah, definitely. Thanks so much. And I'll leave all the show notes, links in the show notes how people can get a hold of you.

Unknown Speaker  58:20  

Wonderful. Thank you.

Arlina Allen  58:22  

Thanks.

It’s been a while since I published a step work call so I’m happy to share this one with Jaydale as we go over her step 3 homework. Before we jump in, I wanted to announce that we’re starting our next round of the “Sobriety Reset Workshop”, a FREE 12 step workshop for women, starting on 1/30 at 7:00 MST. It is an online class and you can sign up and get all the details at SobrietyReset.com Also, if you would like to hear more episodes like this one, just visit ODAATChat.com or you can also subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify or any other podcast player. So that’s all the announcements for today! Please enjoy this episode, with Jaydale.

Is it possible to recover from addiction if you have a lifetime of trauma?

The honest answer is, it depends.

It depends on each individuals willingness to get help, practice self-reflect, be open minded and do the work of self-care.

Today I sit down with Jami, who is a beautiful example of willingness, resilience, and someone brave enough to live with an open heart despite years of abandonment and tragic loss.

Stay to the end because we talk about redefining some triggering words, so that they dont become limiting beliefs.

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode, and let me know what you think!

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Today my guest is Dr Brooke Scheller, author of “How to Eat to Change How You Drink: Heal your gut, mend your mind and improve Nutrition to Change Your Relationship with Alcohol”. 

On this podcast we talk a lot about psychology, family history, trauma, and all of the well known modalities for healing. Today we’re going to look at another approach that you can layer into your recovery practice - nutrition.

We first discuss Brooke’s own journey,  how her relationship with alcohol changed over the years to the point where she knew she had to stop and how she went on a quest to heal her body through nutrition. We discuss the quiz she has on her website to help Sober Curious people determine what kind of drinker they are and the specific healing modalities that work  best for each type. 

We talk about the connection between protein and willpower and how to have proper nutrition to reduce cravings.

She also talked about how alcohol affects women in menopause and the link to breast cancer.

I learned a lot from Brooke in this conversation. I appreciate the scientific lens through which she sees alcohol use disorder and the tools she offers to help those struggling to find peace.

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Brooke, and let me know what you think!

Connect with Brooke here:

Website: https://www.functionalsobriety.com/

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Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host. 

Today, my guest is Dr. William Nelson. He shares his personal experience with watching his daughter Lauren struggle with heroin addiction, as well as his work that centers around trying to help his patients recover from addiction. I was a guest on his podcast as well, and I’ve posted a link to that interview in the show notes.

This episode is brought to you by “Reinvent - the 6-week Self-Esteem Workshop”, starting on 3/16 at 6:00 pm PST / 9:00 EST. The premise of the class is that we only allow into our lives, what we believe we deserve, on a subconscious level. When we change our beliefs and raise our self-esteem, then everything else changes. 

I’ve been facilitating this for a while now, and I’ve seen HUGE transformations after these classes. We focus on gaining Clarity on what we want, Confidence to take action, and Clear the internal blocks and resistance so you can gain momentum and reach your goals.

Laura manifested her dream home, Jennifer changed her relationship with her children, Kim was finally able to start asking for what she wanted, without feeling guilty, Carrie got the confidence to ask for a raise, and Donna ended a toxic relationship. 

You can read more about the transformational results by visiting www.SelfEsteemCourse.com

So there ya have it, please enjoy this wide-ranging conversation, with Dr. Nelson!

Today I’ll be speaking with Kohn Glay, a gifted shadow work coach. I found Kohn on TicTok after his video on shadow work went viral…like 42M + viral. He goes live on YouTube to share his wisdom and to support his growing community to do the shadow work for themselves. Kohn started doing this work after the tragic loss of his son who was just 16 years old. He used his platform to pour love and blessings into others as a way to deal with his grief and it now reaches millions of people. I learned a lot as he helped me through the Shadow Work Journal and I think you’ll get a lot out of this conversation as well.

This conversation will be one of the topics of The Self-Help Junkie series. My co-host Victoria and I will recap what it is, why it’s important, and 3 action items so that you can start to apply the practices into your own life. 

I’m really excited to share this conversation with you, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Kohn and let me know what you think!

Connect with Kohn here:

Visit Website: 

Follow on TikTok:

Follow on YouTube:

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Today I’m speaking with Dr Susan Pierce-Thompson, who is not only a New York Times best selling author, she is also the creator of a program that has helped thousands and thousands of people to drop a significant amount of weight (I’m talking 20-100 lbs) and keep it off using 4 simple rules defined in her book “Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin and Free”.

This is actually a 2 part series because when we did our pre interview chat and discovered we had SO much in common, I knew we weren’t going to be able to fit it all in one episode. Part one will be her story of how she became addicted to drugs and alcohol, how she overcame them and then her addiction transference to food and the origins of how she developed Bright Line Eating. 

Before we jump in, a word from our sponsor - Sober Life School! When I am not working on the podcast, I am working with women who are really ready to take control over their lives so that they can live a life of clarity, purpose and have meaningful experiences.

What we all face is internal resistance. That resistance can show up in not only substance use disorders, but self-sabotage, procrastination and repeating behavior patters that leave us feeling stuck. Listen, I have been there and I know how to break through those barriers. I have done it in my own life and in the lives of the hundreds of women I have worked with over the last 29 years. With tools like hypnosis, coaching, and self-esteem building exercise, you can change. You can reach your goals, even if you’ve tried 1000 times and failed. The key is the right information, the right support and taking the actions that lead to amazing outcomes. If you’re ready to make life long changes, then visit soberlifeschool.com and book a no obligation call with me today!

I’m really excited to share this episode with you today, so without further delay, please enjoy this conversation with Dr Susan Pierce-Thompson and let me know what you think!

Connect with Susan here:

Website: https://www.brightlineeating.com/

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OC031 Andrea Owen

Today’s episode is with Author, Speaker and Coach, Andrea Owen. Andrea is currently on the press circuit to promote her second book called, “How to stop feeling like shit.14 Habits that

Are Holding You Back from Happiness”

Don’t you love that title?? Her chapter titles are fun too:

Being an Asshole to Yourself: Learn to Manage Your Inner Critic

Go Away and Leave Me Alone: Why Isolating and Hiding Out Isn’t Protecting You

Checking Out: Are Your Numbing Mechanisms Still Working for You?

Compare and Despair: The Never-Ending Mind FÅck

What I really enjoyed about this book is that each chapter addresses a very common problem and also has very practical, very actionable steps to help resolve the bad habits that keep us stuck. Its about taking the right action and doing it consistently. She says, ”The key has been consistency and commitment to the work.” and I couldn’t agree more.

Her book is being released on 1/2/18, and she is offering a private book study through her Facebook group with every purchase! I will actually be participating as well. The class starts 1/22/18 and I hope to meet you there too!

You can purchase her book at: http://www.yourkickasslife.com

So with that, please enjoy this conversation with Andrea!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

PS. Don’t forget to enter your email address to get new episodes delivered to your inbox by visiting the website: odaatchat.com

Welcome to the podcast. Today we’re going to talk about a very important topic that is definitely not appropriate if there are kids around. So just a little heads up there. We’re going to briefly talk about the prevalence and impact of pornography. How it affects relationships, the hidden costs and subtle ways it changes how we see the world. We also talk about the impact it has on the younger generation and other challenges associated with sexual disfunction.

But fear not, we actually spend the majority of our time talking about addressing the root causes that drive our need to distract in unhealthy ways, how to cultivate more self-compassion and so much more. I found Jeremy to be one of the most grounded and thoughtful guests that I’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking with and I can’t wait for you to meet him!

But before we jump in, I have a couple of quick announcements. The first is I will be publishing a new series of episodes called the self help junkie that will come out early in the week. So I wanted to avoid any confusion if you see extra episodes. My co-host Victoria and I will be discussing a topic, starting with self-esteem, define what it is, why it’s important, and offer 3 action you can take to start improving in that area. The following week we’ll talk about how it went, outcomes if we did the action items, or problem solve for challenges.

The whole idea behind this project is that there are so many of us who are seekers, and while it’s great to educate yourself. gain insight and get a dopamine hit, without action, well it’s kinda pointless. Like the old saying goes, if nothing changes, nothing changes. And mood follows action, so we’re going to break down topics so that you can establish the why behind the action so that you can make these changes a priority.

And the second thing is that if you do listen to the series, we want to hear from you! So send me your questions and comments to selfhelpjunkiepodcast@gmail.com.

I’m really excited to share this conversation with Jeremy, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode and let me know what you think!

Connect with here:

Visit Website: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/

Follow on Instagram: 

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Hey Friends,

Thanks for downloading the podcast! My name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. 

Before we jump in I have a big announcement to share with you:

If you are new to the idea of living an alcohol-free lifestyle or know someone who is, (we’re calling it “Sober Curious” these days) I’m launching a new class called “Sobriety Reset-How to stop drinking for 30 Days” to help you get that first month under your belt. What I want you to know is that you CAN stop drinking - Even through the holidays! You don’t have to have another crappy holiday because you did something you regret on what is supposed to be a special event.

The idea behind Sobriety Reset comes from my own torturous experience in my early 20’s when I knew drinking was a problem, but I wasn’t ready for a 12 step program. It’s what I wish I had at the time to save myself the shame and humiliation that comes from drinking too much. At the time, I really didn’t think I was “That Bad” but my life was a mess, romantically, professionally, and even in my friendships, and I just couldn’t figure out how to get a grip on my drinking. I spent 2 painful years suffering through my own research before I finally got what I needed, so my hope is that this course will be a short cut through that process for you and save you from needless heartache and suffering.

This is a self-study course with videos, audios, worksheets, and online support, that you can use in the privacy of your own home. It answers big questions like “Am I an alcoholic” and “What will I do for fun” or “How to avoid drinking triggers” and even those embarrassing questions around “Sober Sex”, which is a really big issue. There’s 6 modules in total and some bonus content too. 

It launches Nov 24th, so head on over to SobrietyReset.com to get notified of when it’s available, and if you do, there will be a special surprise for you! 

Today my guest is Dr. Efosa Air. He’s got more degrees than a thermometer, and such a passion for helping people out of suffering. I felt so lucky that I got to spend some time with him. He shares some really powerful stories, insights into the mechanics of the brain as it relates to addiction, and many practical solutions to common problems people face early in recovery.

He is very accessible and relatable, so don’t be shy! If you would like to connect, you can find him through his website at addictionblueprint.com and Facebook Group. I’ll leave links in the show notes, so head on over to odaatchat.com to get in touch.

So with that, please enjoy this episode with Dr. Air!

ODAAT Chat is a podcast (odaatchat.com) where my guests and I talk about all things recovery. We largely focus on unpacking the issues that cause addiction and how it affects us, but also on solutions, including the 12 steps, and the exercises, teachers and ideas that contribute to recovery. There is a lot of mainstream media exposure of alcoholics and addicts of all kinds that doesn’t seem to be from people who actually experience addiction, and frankly that really bothers me. I wanted to provide a platform so that we can tell our own stories of what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now to bring understanding to those affected by addiction. Today’s episode is my dear friend Mike. Mike is a really interesting guy with a fascinating story. I’m not going to give it all away in the intro, but what I’ll say is that he is a complex character. From growing up in Alaska, to running wild all over California to prison to a life of sobriety, parenthood and service. As a friend, Mike has always been willing to help when I’ve asked for it. He is a ton of fun to be around and he has a huge heart. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did. Feel free to say hi to Mike at odaatchat.com or on the Facebook page “The ODAAT chat Podcast”. And with that, please enjoy this episode with Mike

Hey Friend, Thanks for downloading the episode! 

I would like to introduce you to Patti Clark. She is the author of "Recovery Road Trip: Finding Purpose and Connection on the Journey Home"

Today she shares her story of how she found recovery, her relapse after 13 years sober, and how she got sober again. 

She is so relatable and has so much wisdom to share!

In this episode:

What you’ll hear:

✅  Perils of Moving In Sobriety

✅  Relapsing After Long Term Sobriety

✅  Coping With Guilt & Shame

✅  Creating The Community She Needed

And so much more…

Patti is such a beautiful person and I’m so lucky to have met her! I think you’ll love her too.

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Patti.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/vTdDVZbH17Y

https://amzn.to/3Mw6dBl

Welcome to Odaat Chat, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. In case you didn’t know, ODAAT stands for “one day at a time”. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe and leave a review. Also, if you plan to shop on Amazon, please use our affilitate link on Odaatchat.com, it helps to keep the podcast going.

In case you are wondering, the purpose of podcast is to clear up a lot of misconceptions about addiction and recovery, but to also to share the teachers, ideas and exercises that have helped me on my own journey over the last 22 years that fall outside the parameters of 12 step groups.

Today I would like to share a book called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is actually a very practical book that can act as a moral compass that also provides a way to maintain emotional balance. Let’s face it, we all could use more of that, am I right??

The for agreements are:

1 Be impeccable with your word

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

I know when I am upset about something, these 4 agreements are a quick way to help me find peace and balance. I could do a whole episode just talking about this book, and maybe if there’s enough interest, we will do that. Just let me know on the blog.

In this episode I’ll be talking with Christi who shares what it was like to lose a sponsor to a tragic accident, living with a “normie” spouse, and dealing with a child in addiction. Christi is a strong beautiful woman with a powerful message and I am grateful to call her my friend.

There will be show notes on the website and an opportunity for you to leave comments and feedback.

And with that, please enjoy this episode with Christ!

Teri, AKA as “TransGrams”. She Shares Her Recovery Journey and Transgender Transformation

Step work call with Kate, step 1

Today, my guest is Dr. Mona Bahlough. Before she retired, she spent 27 years treating patients in the emergency room where she was exposed to a lot of “frequent fliers” as she called them. People who had severe chronic health problems related to alcoholism and drug addiction. She’s going to share how NOT to wind up like that.

Also, if you’ve been sober for a while and you’re still struggling with feelings like anger, guilt, & shame, I’d like to invite you to consider hypnosis. If you don’t know a lot about hypnosis, it’s a process of healing that addresses feelings at the root case, in the subconscious mind where all your memories, beliefs and habits reside. Hypnosis is a way to resolve negative feelings and beliefs that cause self-sabotaging behaviors. By addressing these deep seeded feelings and beliefs, you can free yourself faster than traditional modalities that work from the outside in. 

Hypnosis is about working inside out for lasting behavioral change. If you would like to find out if my coaching program is a good fit for you, just book a free call by visiting soberlifeschool.com

So there ya have it, please enjoy this conversation with Dr.Mona!

Welcome to the podcast. Right off the bat, I have to say that I’m so happy you’re listening to this episode. Ever since my conversation with Pam Grout, the number 1 new york times best selling author I have been absolutely buzzing! It’s like I forgot how powerful these manifesting techniques are and now I’ve reawakened to the exciting opportunities that are available to me. To all of us really. And that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

Over 10 years ago now, Pam wrote “E-2, 9 do it yourself energy experiments that prove your thoughts create your reality”. It was such a huge success because people were doing the experiments and having these wild experiences! They’d tell their friends, their friends would have their own mind blowing experiences, tell all their friends and on and on it goes…even today, 10 years later after E2 came out.

She has a new book out “E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments That Prove Manifesting Magic and Miracles Is Your Full-Time Gig”. Can’t wait to hear about your experiences!

But before we jump in, one of the common blocks to manifesting is negative subconscious beliefs. You might be wondering if you have them and what I can tell you is this: We all have them, but most of us are not connected to what they are because they are subconscious. But here’s how you can tell if you have subconscious beliefs that are blocking your ability to manifest. For instance, you want to stop drinking, lose weight, or be more successful. You know what to do, but you just don’t do it. Somehow you keep self-sabotaging. It doesn’t make sense. You are smart, you really want to reach your goal, but you keep slipping up. That is the sign that you have subconscious limiting beliefs! The good news is there is a process to uncovering the root cause, reprogram your mind and finally reach your goals. I take my clients through this process in private 1:1 coaching. If you’d like to learn more about how I can help, just visit soberlifeschool.com and set up a no obligation consultation. If you’re ready for change, this is your sign! Book your call today!

I’m really excited to share this conversation with Pam, so without further delay, please enjoy this episode and let me know what you think!

Connect with Pam here:

Visit Website: https://pamgrout.com/

Follow on Instagram: 

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0

Guest Links:   PositiveRecoveryMD.com

http://www.PositiveRecovery.com

Hey Friends,

Thanks for downloading the podcast! So for weeks I’ve been telling you that if you want to get the episodes via email, all you had to do was enter your email on the odaatchat.com. Little did I know, there was a problem with the sign up form! Lemme tell you, technology is blessing and a curse y’all.

Good news is... it’s fixed! And if you wanna check out some cool brain hacking videos or the best sleep meditations on the internet, I put those in the newsletter too. 

Today my guest is Dr Jason Powers, an actual doctor, certified by the board of addiction medicine. He is the host of Positive Recovery MD and the author of “When the Servant Becomes the Master: A Comprehensive Addiction Guide” Link to book ( https://amzn.to/2TyuJGz )

Just a heads up, I thought the recording got cut off so it ends kind of abruptly, which kind of goes along with the tech problems I’ve been having, but everything before that is awesome! 

So with that, please enjoy this conversation with Dr Powers!

Today’s episode is with my sweet friend John. This guy is so generous, he gave away his kidney to save his friend Kim! John is really a great guy who has been through so much. From losing his father to cancer and dealing with a mother who is a drug addict to his own struggles with addiction and now, recovery.

So with that, please enjoy this conversation with John!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

Today’s episode is with my dear friend Brian. The story you are about to hear is a perfect example of the power of recovery. Brian embodies what is commonly referred to as the Jekyll and Hyde effect. It was so strange to hear him tell the stories of the past and reconcile what I know of him now. Brian has a powerful and moving message. So grateful to call him my friend.

And with that, please enjoy this episode, with Brian!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

No long intro with this one! Just a quick reminder to subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify or where ever you like to listen to podcasts, and if you like this episode, please share with your friends!

xo,
Arlina

Hey Friend, thanks for joining me today. First, I gotta tell you, Buddy LOVES recovery! I mean, the guy is a student of human nature and healing, and his southern drawl mixed with eastern philosophy is quite the mix… But before we jump in, a quick request, a Thank You, and an awesome resource The request is if you find these episodes helpful, please subscribe and share with your recovery community. My thank you goes out to Jennifer, Teri, Stephanie, Margaret, Ann, and David for your generous contributions! Because of you, I’m finally able to hire some help this month. Side note, David’s encouraging email came at the exact moment when I was feeling super burnt out and discouraged. So David, if you are listening, thank you… You made a huge difference in my life. Okay, now for the resource, which is a process to eliminate negative limiting self beliefs by visiting https://www.recreateyourlife.com/free/ I worked through the online video for the negative belief of “I’m not good enough” in about 30 minutes and honestly, it was pretty mind blowing. If you’ve ever had that experience of “Holy shit, that’s so true” and you were forever changed by that experience, that’s what it was like. And of course my next thought was, “I gotta get all my friends to try this!” So there you go. I really hope you try it! I’ll leave all the links to these resources and the ones we discuss on the podcast in the show notes which can be found at odaatchat.com, that’s o d a a t chat.com So there ya have it! I hope you enjoy today’s episode, with Buddy C.

Today my guest is the fabulous host of The Chasing Heroine Podcast. I just wanna say, buckle up, because you are in for a wild ride. When you get two ADHD women together who are super passionate about Game of Thrones, telling stories and recovery, you get a wild episode! 

I loved this episode because Jeannine is so transparent, vulnerable, and honest about her struggles with her 15 year addiction. She isn’t afraid to tell it like it was or share the wisdom of lessons learned in recovery. She is a living miracle of transformation and I can’t wait for you to meet her!

But before we jump in, I would like to share a quote that has really been working on my soul as of late. The quote is from Peter Crone who said ”Life will bring you people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free.”  

I heard it right when I was feeling super triggered by someone very close to me who is suffering. I immediately recognized it as very old pain from my childhood when I watched my sister struggle with mental illness. In my young mind, I thought it was my job to save her, but I always felt like I failed her which made me feel horrible about myself. I remember what a hopeless and powerless feeling it was.

So to have been triggered in my current circumstance, it absolutely showed me where I’m not free. What I am reminded of is the idea that I can take a moment to acknowledge my feelings, validate them and to let go of what’s not mine. Other people’s feelings are not my responsibility, especially when they don’t want my help. Freedom comes when I can process through the cycle and return to peace. That’s how I regain my freedom from obsession. 

So if you have challenging people or circumstances in your life, I hope this will help you to let go of what’s not yours so you can be happy, joyous and free.

That’s it from me, please enjoy this episode with Jeannine. 

Connect with  here:

Visit Website: 

Follow on Instagram

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

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OC024 Chris - Sober 29 years, Cocaine, Alcoholism, Losing Sister and Brother, Depression and Sponsorship

Today’s episode is with Chris, who is currently traveling the country, in his RV called Furtherer. He’s documenting his trip by writing on his blog called bigchrisfurtherer.com and providing beautiful images through his photography.

We talked about anonymity, sponsorship, and his moment of clarity. Chris also shares his story of alcoholism, drug addiction and how he changed it all 29 years ago. It’s proof that we can break the cycle of addiction and lead meaningful, anonymity lives.

So with that, please enjoy this conversation with Chris!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

http://www.mishkashubaly.com/ Title:OC108 - Mishka Shubaly, Getting Sober Cold Turkey without AA or Rehab Today my guest, Mishka Subaly, a true renaissance man. Super prolific writer, talented musician, gifted writer with a touch of smart ass. What’s not to love?? But before we jump in, something Mishka said sparked a thought that I haven’t been able to shake, and I realize it's something we all need to focus more on...having FUN! Recovery work can be so heavy and dark, and it’s easy to get lost in that part. While it's part of the journey, how about we balance it out with some ideas about how to cultivate more joy and excitement!? Like the kind that makes you feel GIDDY! That sounds fun, right? So here’s the deal, before I give you some ideas about how to reconnect with things you can do sober that are fun, I’ll share some mechanics about the brain that will explain why some people have a hard time connecting to that feeling of “fun” early in recovery. When we drink or do drugs or whatever our addictions revolve aroud, we flood our brain cells with dopamine, the chemical responsible for that happy feeling we love so much. Brain cells actually have receptors that act like little funnels, allowing that dopamine to be absorbed. But the wisdom of the body is always trying to say in balance, so over time, it will retract those receptors so it can’t absorb so much. The result is the need for more alcohol or drugs to get that same effect. Meanwhile, your hippocampus and amygdala, the parts of your brain responsible for memories, and emotions are recording all of this and essentially rewiring your brain to depend on the stimulus. . In totality, this is how your brain develops addiction. A dependence on whatever your drug is. When we stop drinking, we are working with a diminished amount of receptors on the brain cells. We’re not physically able to absorb the normal amount of dopamine that would be present, prior to becoming addicted. Where in the past we might enjoy spending time with friends, playing music, or working on a hobby, these things now fall flat. We don’t actually experience the “fun” part but in reality, we can’t. The good news is here again, the body will restore balance, but it takes a little time and effort to heal and rewire your brain. Those brian cell receptors do come back, and so does the fun! Here are some tips for early recovery if you are worried that you’ll never have fun again. Learn to love exercise - it's the fastest way to generate dopamine naturally Meditation - It helps to rewire your brain and emotions back to normal Try new things! - New things won’t have the burden of failing to live up to expectations which might actually cause disappointment. And finally... Surround yourself with people who are happy and fun! They say we’re the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. So if you’re hanging out with a bunch of sad sacks, you’ll be one too. I hope that gives you a new perspective and some encouragement to find your happy again. So for an intro to today’s episode, I spent some time with Writer, Musician, and Yale Professor, Mishka Subaly. I’ll tell you that we didn’t get to cover half of what we wanted to. We left out his shipwreck story, I can’t believe I let that happen, but there was just not enough time. He actually pours it all out in his 6 best selling Audible shorts, so definitely check those out, along with his latest book, Cold Turkey, which you can actually get for free, for the month of May. This guy has been through some really unusual and crazy experiences, and I can’t wait for you to meet him. So with that, please enjoy (and share!) this episode, with Mishka!

Today my guest is Author and Writing Teacher Maureen O’Brien. We’re talking about her recovery journey, the spiritual awakening in a Burger King parking lot, growing up in a dysfunctional home, but mostly her new book, “Gather the Fragments: My Year of Finding God’s Love”. Maureen is such a sweet and generous soul with a talent for helping people to write their own stories. In fact, she’s been a tremendous help to me personally, to rise out of the slog of my second book draft so I’m deeply grateful for her.

Before we jump in, just a reminder that if you are a woman in recovery with a desire to do the deep work of becoming free of long standing negative behavior patterns, I offer private coaching sessions. I use a unique combination of coaching strategies to help you identify and achieve goals, and hypnosis to release those stubborn self sabotaging blocks. If you are sick of the same old character defects and you are really ready for change, this is your sign to take action. Book a call with me today by visiting SoberLifeSchool.com

So that’s it!  Please enjoy the episode with the lovely Maureen.

Connect with Maureen here:

Follow on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/maureen_obrien_writer/ 

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Buy the book here: https://amzn.to/3TfnqBP 

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Today my guest is the talented, hilarious and beautiful human that is Roxan McDonald. It is impossible to capture all that she is in a bunch of job titles, but here goes. She’s the creative force behind the IG and TikTok account @Spiritual_AF with over 140K followers, and co-host of the “Spiritual AF or Whatever” podcast. She’s also a writing coach, meditation facilitator, educator and wears many many other hats. 

Roxan shares her story of childhood abuse, trauma, addiction, her amazing transformation and how she’s been able to stay sober since 1990. She shares publicly for the first time why she left AA after 31 years. 

What I really needed was 3 hours to ask all my questions, but we do cover a lot of ground in this episode. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. So without further ado, please enjoy this episode with Roxan.

Connect with Roxan!

Visit Website: https://www.spiritual-af.com/

Follow on Instagram/TicTok: @spiritual_af 

Podcast: https://www.spiritual-af.com/spiritual-af-or-whatever-podcast

Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg

Lightning Round Answers: 

Book recommendation: 

The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding of the Sacred in Women

by Patricia Hopkins and Sherry Ruth Anderson

Favorite Quote: 

Self Care Practice:

What I wish I knew: 

Just for fun:

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Well Hi Friend! So gald you are here!

Welcome to ODAAT Chat, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host. In case you didn’t know, ODAAT stands for “one day at a time”. If you haven’t yet, don’t forget to subscribe on iTunes, or you can get new episodes delivered right to your inbox by signing up for the newsletter at odaatchat.com.

The purpose of this podcast, is bring you stories from people who suffered through addiction and alcoholism and found a way out to lead happy purposeful lives. I also wanted to share the teachers, ideas and exercises that have helped me on my own journey over the last 24 years.

Today I have a special announcement that I’m beyond excited to share with you. I’m launching Sober Life School where you will find step by step courses like, “The Connection cure - 3 steps to overcoming isolation”, “Sobriety Reset: Back-to-Basics” class, and “Relationship Rescue - How to resolve resentment and reconnect with the one you love”. I hope you find it a valuable resource for yourself and members of our sober community. I look forward to connecting with you there at soberlifeschool.com

So I’m honored to introduce the guest for today’s episode. Tess Sweet is an award-winning director and writer, known for Cleaner Daze (2017), I Love You Like Crazy (2011) and Annie in the Aisle of Irma (2010). In 2011, Sweet graduated with an M.F.A. from the film and television directing program at the University of California at Los Angeles. Sweet now resides in the Bay Area, where she works as a freelance director and editor, serves as president of Loud and Clean, and runs programs for with at-risk youth.

Tess shares her story about her own struggles with drugs and alcohol, her battle with cancer and work as an artist and producer. Lucky for me, Tess lives close enough that she was able to come to my studio to record in person. Let me just tell you, her name suits her. I found her to be beautiful, fun, deeply compassionate and truly authentic.  I know after this episode, you’ll love her as much as I do.

So with that, please enjoy this episode, with lovely, Tess Sweet.

With love & gratitude,

Arlina

Welcome to the podcast! 

Today I’ll be joined by Barb Nangle, who is going to give an absolute masterclass on how to recover with co-occuring addictions. We’re going to talk about OA, ACA, Coda, and go over some practices for setting boundaries, building self-worth and finding your true identity. 

I’ll just note that Barb does more for her self-care than anyone I’ve ever met, I’m not even kidding. She’s incredible. So if you’re new to recovery, it might sound a little overwhelming, but just know that you don’t have to do everything that we talk about to start feeling better right away. Listen for the practices that pique your interest and follow your intuition.

Before we jump in, I just want to give you a heads up about some upcoming changes to the podcast. After 7 years of the same format, I’m going to be experimenting with solo episodes focusing on some of the basics for those who are just starting their recovery journey.

Also, I would like to hear from you, the listeners! What do you want to hear more of? What do you want to hear less of? Do you want more book recommendations or are there people out there that you think I should interview? Let me know!

Follow me on IG @arlinaallen and shoot me a DM with your suggestions. 

So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Barb

Connect with Barb here: https://higherpowercc.com/

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Connect with Brooke!

Visit Website: https://www.innovativecoachbrooke.com/

Follow on Instagram: @brookecollinscoaching 

Hello Loves,

Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.

Today I'd like to introduce you to the lovely Brooke Collins. She’s been sober for nearly 10 years at the time of this recording. An amazing accomplishment considering where she came from. She was addicted to alcohol, in an abusive relationship and had a small child. That is a TOUGH pit to climb out of, but with the help of a recovery community and her higher power, she recovered and has built a beautiful life for herself and her daughter. I’m so happy to share her story with you!

Before we jump in, I’d like to ask you to follow the podcast on Instagram, the account is @odaatpodcast. I’m creating a ton of content that follows the lessons from Sobriety Reset, a self paced, online course for sobriety. the cover topics like, how to finally answer the question “am I an alcoholic?” How to handle social events sober, how to diffuse emotional triggers, how to resolve past trauma, how to create a quick but effective daily practice to maintain sobriety and much more. If you want to learn more about the course, just visit SobrietyReset.com. 

So there you have it, please enjoy this episode with the beautiful soul, Brooke Collins!

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If you’re not already, please follow the podcast on instagram to see behind the scenes clips, upcoming guests, and we are now doing IG Lives with our new inhouse writer, Jennifer MacArthur. You can find it by searching for: @odaatpodcast 

Today I’ll be interviewing my most favorite person in the world…my husband! I met him shortly after I got sober in 94 and besides getting sober, he’s the best thing that’s happened to me.

Bob just celebrated 33 years of continuous sobriety. I love his recovery story and I’m so excited to share it with you! So with that, please enjoy this episode, with Bob.

Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen

I'm so excited to talk to you. You and I are part of the she recovers. Coaching community. And you and I have been doing lots of work together. Gosh, it's been a while since you went through the podcasting class, but we had

so much fun I have, I just want to thank you publicly for all the generous support that you've given me. And you're such an inspiration for me and many people you're really generous with, with what you have.

So sweet. Yes, it's I mean, it's my pleasure, right? Those of us who sort of been to the edge and have sort of survived, we do feel this impulse, this natural impulse to try to save people from their suffering. And so and you know, right back atcha sister, it's like, I love all the work that you're doing. You're you've just been doing a ton of work and, and helping other people recover, and, you know, come out of their suffering. So, yeah, fun.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love collaborating. I love being inspired and hearing what other people are doing. And I'm definitely in the stage where I met with, you know, everything I'm doing that I'm having fun with it. It's like

playful, it is playful, and you're doing so much good work. So you're launching a podcast, you're coaching, you're just you're doing classes, so blasts lots and lots of stuff. So, as I've been doing lately, we're gonna start with the lightning round. Are you cheated? You already heard somebody else's?

Oh, definitely. I prepared a fair. Yeah, I wanna I want to be, you know, not too good care of myself taking care of that. Inner Child work, right. There's always now Okay, speaks about taking care of teenage Savelle in this situation.

Okay.

That is awesome. Because I didn't don't really, you know, I've been sober for a long time. And I don't know if I've actually already done inner child work. But I can't wait to hear about your perspective on that. Yeah. Good. Okay, we'll get into the inner child stuff. But let's do a lightning round questions. What's your favorite? What was your favorite recovery book when you first got sober?

Yeah, I love that question. Because it brought me back to probably like 2010, I was at the grocery store. And I was, you know, I had my wine in my cart. And I remember looking, you know, how they have all those magazines, as you're checking out. I don't even remember which magazine, it was like a woman's day or one of those. And there was a title of an article that said, mommy doesn't drink here anymore. And I grabbed it and hit it and bought it, read the article, and then threw it away. But that was really the beginning of planting the seed for me that that was something I wanted to look at. And I remember in the magazine article, she said, You have to tell one person, and I thought to myself, no way.

Not telling anybody.

So then, I got sober in 2011. And I thought about her in that article. And I googled, mommy doesn't drink anymore. And it was a book. And so the, you know, the magazine article was probably four because of the book. And I Her name is Rachel brown now. And I ordered the book and read it. And that led me I'm not even exactly sure. But somehow that led me to the online group for well, and it took me to the bfb, which is the booze free Brigade, which was a private Yahoo, I think was Yahoo group. And that led me to a secret Facebook group and that was kind of like the beginning for me of that's where I met Don Nicole, that's where I met all the women that I still know today who are in my gratitude group and and just yeah, led me to she recovers and, and all of that. So that was that. That's the book that I you know, would say was like the most instrumental for me for planting the seed is mommy doesn't drink here anymore.

Mommy doesn't drink anymore. That is amazing. Yeah. You mentioned on Nicole and she is the co founder of Shiva covers and I think they're one of their Facebook groups has a total of like 300,000 women on it. I mean, there's

Yeah, the page the business page has at least 300,000 and then there she covers together private Facebook group is over 8000 right now. It really it really blew up over the with the pandemic of women, you know who who were looking for support or trying to get sober during during quarantine.

Yeah, and we both facilitate meetings now I can say that after you helped me, coach me, it was so funny because when I did my first group, there were a couple of women who had actually been listening to the podcast for a couple of years. And it was so sweet.

Were they were they knew you, they were probably super excited to meet you. And, yeah, that's such a great opportunity. We're volunteer hosts, because it is a nonprofit now, and that it's a beautiful way to kind of, you know, connect women. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, they say that. alcoholism is a disease of isolation and connection is the cure. Right? I love that.

Yeah.

Okay. So that's a great, that's a lot of resources, where they're looking at us. So we got a book booth free brigade grew. she recovers page and group. So awesome. I love tons of resources. Do you have a regular self care practice? Is it like daily, weekly? How do you dress your self care?

Yeah, I love that question, too. I'm gonna say that for everyone, I love all of your questions. I love that question too, because I really thought about it. And I would say everything down to breath. Probably breath is the one that I use the most. And so that's just like pausing mindfulness, take a deep breath in, hold it, exhale, I do throughout the day. So that would be I would say like the easiest and most simple one all the way to you know, weekend long retreats. that have been a way that personally I up up level, my recovery is by connecting with women in a weekend or week long retreats. So I've done several of those, but and then everything in between is, um, I do go to meetings to gatherings. I'm part of, like I said before, I'm actually have two gratitude groups. I love podcasts. So all of those are part of my self care in the way that I helps me stay connected. Getting out into nature, meditation, good sleep, nutrition. Yeah, just pausing. Like the whole self regulation thing. I feel like you know, once you let go the alcohol, you have to figure out a way to self regulate. So my self care is about self regulation.

I love that. Yeah. So do you in the morning. Do you have like a little routine that you do like, like mine is prayer, meditation and journaling?

Yeah, I mean, mine is usually a coffee.

First thing coffee. My first coffee, yeah,

coffee, and then absolutely like the, you know, beautiful music, I actually have the privilege of looking out at the ocean. I live in Miami, Florida. And so I look out and look at the color of the ocean. Any form of stretching or movement? Anytime I get outside, so yeah, I mean that, you know, and just connecting, I try to do my gratitude. I don't always but I try to do it in the mornings and, and just differencing with others.

What a difference it makes to do it in the morning, right kind of sets the tone for the whole day days that I miss it. I totally feel it.

That I was just gonna say that when I don't, then you know, I love this idea of like, you can start your day over at any time. You've heard that. And, and I do notice that if I haven't really been attentive, I've spent too much time scrolling too much time online. That I think okay, I really need to take a break right now and do some me time and reconnect.

Yeah, something that about two o'clock in the afternoon. I'm like, I just need to like replenish in some way. I love the breathing the breath work stuff that you do. That's very helpful. Yeah. Let's, um, and what's one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober?

I think that has to be the shame component. Like I wish I when I first got sober, I was so so ashamed. And so a lot of my stories about hiding, hiding when I drank and then hiding when I got into recovery. And I think like if I could go back to my younger 47 year old self, I would say you're going to be okay, and you can let go of the shame. This is not your fault. And you're beautiful and I love you. But there's so much shame and I think, you know, like that's kind of attached to what we're talking about the anonymity like for me, anonymity had less to do with a tradition and more to do with my shame. And so I think that that's kind of the part that I if I could go back to my younger stuff I would hug her and say you don't have to be ashamed.

I love that. Yeah, I wrote down your okay. It's not your fault. Right? All these things that maybe we did that we're not so proud of were things that we did we listen, I've just believed that everybody is doing the best that they can.

Right. Yeah, I believe that I know

that today. Yeah, I did not know that in the beginning. Yeah. And we Yeah, you and I talked a little bit about anonymity before we started recording. And we'll definitely dig into that, because that's something I also had to wrestle with, as well. Especially launching a podcast for about four and a half years ago. It's uh, yeah, you definitely have to come to grips with that.

What do you do for fun these days? So fun for me would be a bike ride with my adult children and a Friday night kind of mini dance party cooking together with my husband. That was like just hanging out with with my family and something really simple, like a bike ride. I

love bike riding.

Yeah. Cooking while your husband actually dance the cooking dance party. How's life? Ooh,

from Spain, so he's, yeah, he actually does most of the cooking. He loves to cook. It's his love language. And he cooks for me every day.

My husband My husband is does the majority of the cooking too. Although I will. I will confess that I am loving. I love YouTube. I learned how to make sushi this weekend. Oh, that's so fun. Yeah, it was super fun. So yeah,

I love I love I do love cooking, do it. But right now he has more time than me. And our kids are grown. We have three children. And they're grown and they're gone. And he really loves cook. It relaxes him. And so we both love cooking, but that's really his love language.

That is so nice to have. Yeah, likes to cook. Awesome. Well, thank you for playing along with the lightning round. So typically, what I do next is I would love to hear sort of your recovery story a little bit about what your family was like, and you know, maybe why you started drinking. And then what happened, that you decided that you wanted to stop if that was indeed I mean, at some point, I'm sure along the story, you decided you wanted to stop. So I would love to know how your journey went?

Yeah, sure. Thanks for asking. So let's see, um, I was born in New Jersey, I'm the oldest of three girls. We lived there until I was in fifth grade. And the big kind of traumatic event that happened was when I was in second grade, my dad died. And he was young. He was 45 years old. And he died of heart failure. And he I do have a half brother and half sister from my dad's first marriage. But when we were in when 1975 when I was in fifth grade, my mom said, Hey, girls, do you want to move to California? And I was like, Yeah, let's go. She said there was this beautiful tunnel with a rainbow on it across the Golden Gate Bridge. And it sounded fun. And so we moved to California. And up until that point, I had been at a small school that had farm animals. And, you know, I was I had friends and it was a very kind of sheltered, simple childhood, in that sense. And when we moved to California, I went into a very big school and experienced bullying. So I mean, now I can trace it back to the fact that my dad died. And then the move and then the bullying like those are what would lift your your a score your adverse childhood experiences. And so I had one friend, and she's in sixth grade, and she moved away and I just I had a really hard time for about four years. So sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth grade, were pretty rough for me. And then in 10th, my mom could see that I was really struggling. And by 10th grade, she said, we're going to switch schools and you're going to go into a different school and on day one, I met a group of girlfriends and we instantly all hit it off and within a week or two had gone to my first keg party. So I put you know, hand in hand, I was maybe 14 or 15 by then I was a sophomore. I you know, for me just hand in hand went popularity, friends, alcohol, and it wasn't like my first drink. Like some people describe their very first drink as being so magical. I barely remember it. But I do remember it. Feeling like drinking meant I could be, I could connect and have friends and all that. And so everyone that I kind of hung out with and you knew, drank the way I drank. And it was very normalized. I mean, this is the 80s in California. And I kept drinking through high school, college, went to Spain met my husband, we met in a bar. And it was something I did not worry about. It wasn't I'm not one of those people that got sober really young, I now can look back and think, you know, I really liked alcohol, but I wouldn't say it was interfering with my life. And then we, we moved, my husband and I moved to California, and then we moved to Miami, we had three children. And my drinking started to increase in my 40s. And by that time, I was homeschooling my three kids. And I was trying my hardest to be the perfect mom. That's really like, My story is around perfectionism, worrying about what other people thought trying to do the best job ever taking, taking on too much staying too busy, and not really having any other way to self regulate, except for wine. And that was my thing was, you know, my glass of wine at the end of the day, which, you know, started to become more and more of a habit, then it became a daily, a daily habit, until I was 47. And I had stopped, I would stop drinking when I wanted to lose weight. So that's that, you know, for me, like not drinking meant calories and all of that stuff. And then I would get to a goal weight, and I would just bring it back in. And I started to notice that every time I brought it back in it, I would get right back to the amount that I was drinking before. And so I'm in February of 2011, I decided to stop drinking, but I didn't have a problem. So I didn't need to get help.

You know, for me, it was like, You cut out chocolate, you cut out wine, you just you just do this, and you just you know was that whole like self will. And, um, that didn't work. Because four months later, you know, I didn't understand that I was you had been using alcohol to numb and regulate my feelings. So four months later, um, I picked it up again. And that took me very quickly to to July of 2011. When I literally from from one moment to the next I was like, Oh, I have a problem. So I wouldn't have like, identified myself as having a problem. I just had a problem with managing it. I thought if I can just keep all these fires burning, I can continue to do this thing. And luckily, that I mean, for me, you know, thank goodness, I, I woke up, I woke up and you know, I had a moment of clarity. And I realized I can't keep doing this. And so I reached out for help. And I stopped.

That's it. So yeah, you into did you go through the traditional 12? I think I already have my answer to this 12 step. We're

not going to say which one?

Absolutely. I reached out to a family member and she took me to my first 12 which was wonderful. I remember it so well. And I got sober in Seattle. I was on vacation. I was on vacation at my mom's. And it was wonderful. I remember it was a very packed room. And I walked in and I was like deer in the headlights. I had thought I believe that I was totally alone in this. There was nobody like me. I was bad. And nobody else was as bad as I was. And I walked in and I was like all these people too. And I remember there was a little old lady, like across from me and she's knitting. And I thought she had a problem with alcohol too. And it just made me want to cry. Yeah. And then in that meeting, they have greeters in Seattle and the greeter when I can't gotten, you know, arrived, he greeted me and we said hello. And as I was leaving, because they asked us anybody on day one, I said I am and when I was leaving, he said just remember two things. Love yourself and no matter what Don't pick up the first strike, which I thought was just, you know, of course I've heard it since but it was so profound to me. And I was like, Okay, okay, I can do that. That's like a recipe card, you know, do these two things I can do that. things I can do. Right. And I thought to myself at the time, what does loving myself have to do with this? Oh, yeah, yeah, right. I know. It's like, what does that have to do with this? Okay, sure. Why? And I'm sure enough, two weeks later, I remember thinking to myself, Oh, maybe just one drink? And I'm like, Oh, no, no, that guy told me no matter what, don't make up the first one. And that's kept me sober since

Oh, my gosh, that's amazing. Love yourself. And it's so funny, because a lot of the language and information doesn't seem to make sense at first. But after repeated exposure and some context, it all starts to make sense. We get a sense of what to apply where, and yeah, it's the simple truth. Love yourself, and don't pick up the first drink Bowser. Yeah, great. So you got a sponsor and did the whole the

whole thing I did I did

your sponsor?

Oh, she walked up to me.

Oh, isn't that nice?

She walked up to me. What so my story is, is that when I came back to Miami, I did drive bys where I knew where the location was, but I was like, too busy. And really what it was, is I was so afraid of seeing somebody who I knew, I will comment Oh, wrapped up in my own kind of reputation and the shame that we talked about. And so I actually didn't go to two meetings for four months. And finally, I talked to another family member. And I was like, yeah, you know, I don't drink anymore. And she was like, how do you love the meetings? And I was like, Well, I don't really do those. And she's like, well, that's kind of part of it. And so I was like, okay, and, and so she say, Fine, a woman's meeting, they're gonna, you're there, they will love you, being a newcomer. They're just gonna love you. And I said, Okay, and so I knew where to go. And I went, and then I just started going, and then right away, like I said, that person walked up to me, and she was like, hey, do you want need a temporary sponsor? And I said, Yeah, and that was the beginning. And I, yeah, transformational is, is really, you know, everything. The way I look at it is nothing, not very much changed. On the outside. I don't want to say nothing. But really, from the outside, probably nobody noticed. You know, I had a lot of people tell me, I didn't even think you had a problem. And yeah, you know, and I just, I think I hit it really, really well. And from the outside, you would say, nothing's changed, everything changed. For me on the inside. I mean, I don't do not even, it's hard for me to remember what it felt like to be me before 40, you know, earlier and I, it's like, I feel like the way I like to describe is I get to live in a parallel universe. I completely right. Totally moved over to this whole other way of being where you connect, and you have deep conversations like you and I are having right now.

For sure.

It's it's just a different way of being and looking inside for like when things bother you looking at yourself and all the other things that I was never interested, I was never interested in any of those, you know, therapy or meditation or sitting quietly or

that's so funny. So it sounds like

you're just very high functioning. And, and I hear that a lot from people that are high functioning is that the the outside opinions of people that are high functioning? It's like, Oh, I don't think you have a problem. Did your husband ever tell you he was worried about your drinking?

Yes. So I yeah, I wouldn't say I was high functioning. He definitely was like, Hey, you got to pull yourself together. But we didn't really understand any of this, you know, and my kids notice, but really, that was about it. I mean, maybe I don't know, I don't really know if other people noticed, you know, I thought of myself as a party girl. And I was I was very you know, I loved anything frenetic and hyper and pop, you know, like, that was the way I was coping was keeping really busy and being kind of hyperactive. And now I can see that's I was self medicating. Yeah, right.

Did you experience a blood lockouts are like losing periods of time or did you get fired from jobs or DUIs or anything like that?

No, no, no DUIs. I mean, I was a stay at home mom. So

me to get fired from here.

I didn't I didn't fire myself.

Yeah, I was, you know, full time stay at home homeschooling mom. So, you know, no, no outer consequences no DUIs nothing like that. I would say towards the very and that's another book that I love, by the way is blackout. I think it's a hot pursuit papilla

you're the second person to recommend that.

That's a really good. Oh, really? That's a really I really enjoyed that book. And that's been interesting to me. I would say by the end. I haven't you didn't black out. What I was gonna say is by the end. Yeah. By the end, I had some brownouts. Definitely where I was, I would you know, by the very end, I was in conversations, and then afterwards, it would be, you know, chunks of time where I was not, you know, remembering it all the next day.

All the time.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, you Oh, yeah. Not even

sober again. Right? I did. I

got sober when I was 25. But I started drinking, probably when I was like, 10. Not I mean, I obviously didn't drink every day. But I started drinking super young and black started blacking out almost immediately.

Oh, if you haven't read that book, then you'd be super interested because she really gets into kind of the biology because not everybody blacks out.

I know. That's so crazy. I feel sorry for people who have to remember everything. Now I remember feeling like I remember when I first started drinking, I was like junior high, like on the weekends with friends. And I remember thinking, like, parts of the evening were like dreams. I was like, was that a dream? Or Did that really happen? That kind of thing. But I think the very first time I drank, I just remember, like, I did miss pieces of the evening. But yeah, that that was crazy. I started way too young. But yeah, definitely at the end, I had like no recollection of like entire evenings.

Well, I mean, maybe that's what got you into recovery. So if you were if you were blacking out almost from the get go. I mean, you like you said from the very first time that you tried. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that's so that's your brain constitution? I think. I mean, that's kind of what that book is about. It's super interesting.

I'll check it out. Yeah. Okay. So I also am aware, and you don't have to answer this question if you don't want to, but I am aware that you had some trauma in your past and that stuff that you've been addressing lately, do you want to just share as much or as little about that?

Yeah, I

feel comfortable with?

Yeah, um, you know, I just recently did a bubble hour interview, and I talked about it on there. And just to say that I do have part of, you know, my recovery is from sexual trauma. And that did happen in my childhood. Like I said, my dad died. And so this was with one of my mom's boyfriends. And the interesting thing about it is that, of course, I think maybe I was nine or 10. At the time, I, you know, you've nothing to compare it to. So you don't know. And I normalized it. And it kind of just got tucked away. And it wasn't something that I ever really even worried about, or thought about. I mean, early on. And when I first got sober and told my story, it wasn't part of my story. And it wasn't until the me to movement, that I, I revisited it, and I actually revisited with my mom. And she and I were both talking about our HDMI two stuff. And it kind of came forward then. And I took it to my therapist, and I was like, hey, but what was that about? And that was kind of the beginning of me really looking at it from a different angle. And so I have done the work around it. And now I guess I'm talking about it public. You know, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's a very it's a difficult subject, you know, but it's very common. I also had sexual trauma when I was growing up, and for me, it defined who I was thought I was, right? It happened to me really young, and it was a repeated thing, but it happened to me. really young. It defined who I thought I was, it made me feel like I As a bad person, did you also wrestle with those things? Or you said you normalized it. So does that mean? You didn't feel bad about it?

No, um, I felt like I. I dealt with it in the moment. And I did not, I don't know. But I don't feel like I felt bad about it. And I didn't actually even dislike the person, because he remained in our lives. I mean, he was around us, and he was a nice person. And so now, as an adult, I can say, I'm glad I was, I was kind of feisty, and I stood up for myself. And I'm glad that I did that. And yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't know, I don't know the extent of it, I do know that there are certain things that I've stored in my body. And this was where the inner child stuff comes in. Because if I can just tell you like how I even got interested in inner child work is really connected to this.

Tell me about what inner child work means to you can maybe can define it a little bit and maybe share some

practice. I mean, I think the way I look at it is your inner child is really the part of your mind your brain that was formed in childhood. So it's like your emotions, your beliefs, your stories, the things that scare you how you felt abandoned, that all formed in childhood, and how you are now interacting in the world, in your adult body. Based on those fears, and beliefs and stories that you might not even be aware of. So it could be subconscious, right? So, for example, one of mine is angry people scare me. So if I'm in a public place, and someone's yelling, I will feel really tense and like, become hyper alert. Um, I'm very hyper vigilant. And now I understand that that's stuff from my childhood. And so things like that, like interacting with the world today, with beliefs and fears that were started in childhood. That's kind of how I look at it. So really, going back and doing inner child work is really re parenting. That part of you that got scared.

Okay, I love that re parenting the part of you that got scared or felt abandoned or,

right. And the thing about doing it, the inner child work is that it's hard to see things like sometimes we have this idea that, you know, like abandonment has to be this big traumatic thing, right? I might it but it might not be a big dramatic thing. You know, some like some people say big t trauma, little t trauma. It might be just something like being scared going into kindergarten, or being worried when your mom went out, you know, in the evening and put lipstick on, I remember my mom putting on perfume and feeling like oh, no, she's gonna leave. Now. That's not, you know, a huge abandonment, but it's how I felt. So it's how it's kind of like the the ideas that were formed in childhood that you bring with you into adulthood.

Okay. Yeah, I like the differentiation between little t trauma and big t trauma, because I feel like trauma is like on a scale, just like addiction is on a scale. It's like a spectrum. I should maybe I should say, a spectrum where Yeah, low grade, and then it. It can be, you know, did you feel abandonment, like when your father passed away, like, obviously, it wasn't his choice. But did you have to deal with feelings of abandonment from when your father died?

Yeah, I mean, it was mostly just grief. Like, it's so much sadness, like, Oh, I don't get to. I didn't get to say goodbye. I don't get to see him again. And then, yeah, absolutely. My, I have great memories of my father. And, you know, one day he was gone, he died of a heart attack so sudden, and I was at the end of second grade. And it was a big loss. It was definitely a big loss. I missed him. I still do. Yeah, 57 I still do because really, you know, when you're a kid, you kind of just make do and it was just part of our reality, and our dad died. You know, that was part of our reality. But then when I met my husband, and on my wedding day, I was like, Oh, I wish you were here. When I had my children. I was like, Oh, I wish that they knew grandpa Gerard and I kind of kept him alive and for my for my kids by talking about him. But even the other day, I was thinking I really wish he was around, you know, yeah, he sounds like a cool guy. Yeah, he was amazing.

Okay, so I want to transition a little bit to So now, I mean, so you've been gotten public with some very intimate information. And thank you so much for sharing that. Because, you know, that is part of normalizing, you know, things that happened to us, it's part of normalizing pain. And you and I had had a discussion before about anonymity because I was also got sober through 12 step programs, and anonymity is the foundation of, you know, the whole the whole thing. And while I get the need for privacy and anonymity, because like you, I was scared to death, that I would run into somebody I know, it didn't like, taught on me, that was not funny. But if they were there, they were they too, were also struggling. So funny. Didn't quite connect the dots. Right? Again, if they are in the same room, it's for the same reason for the same reasons. But I did. I did appreciate having that sort of shelter and protection of the anonymity. So I feel like there's a time and a place for it. But then again, in our broader society, there's it's still so shocking to me how stigmatized, mental health issues are, you know, like people like, Oh, don't I told the lady not too long ago, we were talking about the coming out process of when you're in recovery, or you don't drink or do drugs, or whatever. It's like, you pick and choose the timing of when you tell somebody and you share that information. I shared it with somebody recently. She gasped. She was like, Oh, really? I thought that was so funny. Yeah, really? I was like, ah, not you. Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, I mean, we we're in such a different space now. Because we're in a place where we celebrate recovery. I mean, pretty much everyone I interact with, over. So it's, it's so you know, it just feels like so normal to me. Now. It's, it's, but it's absolutely. You know, the truth is, that it is stigmatized, and there is kind of shame. Still, I feel like it's rapid. And I really don't know why. The anonymity, you know why that was that way in the late 1930s, and 40s. Um, you know, I just, I don't really know the history of it. And I do feel like for reasons for mental health, that that there needs to be a coming out there needs to be lessening of the stigma. And it's going to only happen when we recover out loud. So you

know, so part of the history is that there were two things that spurred on the anonymity from what I understand is that the people who were, you know, as funny is people used to get sober through letters, like they would No, I've heard Yes, not while Yeah, so it's like people now who are getting sober on zoom. You know, to me, I'm like, that's a step up from how they used to do it in the beginning, right? Imagine trying to, you know, process your feelings, and you write it in a letter and you send it in your way, like maybe a couple weeks before you get a response. That's so nuts. But in the beginning, these people what there were so few of them, that they had to be anonymous, because they were inundated with requests for health. There were there was like nothing out there. And there were just 1000s millions of people who are struggling. And then the other thing was, is that they were also anonymous, because they felt that it would limit their financial prospects. Like if it got out that they were a quote unquote, alcoholic, that they would not be employable. And so those two things are outdated, Reagan can totally get a job, if you are, you know, in recovery, and there are lots and lots of people available to help. So I feel like we really need as a community, we really need to revisit the whole idea of anonymity, because I'm with you, we need to recover out loud. That's how the information gets out there.

Absolutely. Yeah. And I think each person gets to do it in their own way. But it shouldn't be that we can't talk about it or that if we do talk about it, we're so ashamed. And I think you know, like, like you said, like if you have to stay anonymous because you're afraid you're not going to be able to get a job or you'll be fired for your job. I think that There's still some of that around the people feel like that what, you know, we're worried about what other people think of us. And I, you know, when I likened it to, if I had anything else, any other kind of disease, you know, I don't know about the disease model or how you feel about that. But if I had anything else, and I was able to just let people know, I'll give you an example. Okay, so my daughter was a Girl Scout, and in the Girl Scout troop, um, oh, I think everybody else, all the other women were breast cancer survivors, and, you know, pink ribbon all the way and they talked about it openly. And I remember one time the topic of addiction came up, and someone said, Oh, my brother in law or money, you know, this type of thing. And I remember just staying quiet, and feeling maybe mad at myself that I didn't say anything, but also feeling like why didn't really have a place to sit, you know, like, and I thought to myself, where's my pink ribbon? You know, like, I want to be able to say, like, this is my story. This is what happened to me, this is, you know, this is so common. And I think there's also a connection with the legal system, you know, the sharing, you know, people being jailed versus getting actual help, you know, the system with rehabs and all of that. So I think by talking about it, I mean, I think this is the hope. And I know that this is what she recovers, saying, When you're ready, recover out loud, so that more money is put into research so that more conversations are happening so that more people can be helped. And it's, it's really across the board with all mental health.

For more resources, visit: www.soberlifeschool.com

Today my guest is Jake Yoder, and we are discussing the fairly controversial topic of marijuana and recovery. Jake shares his experience with it, why he decided to stop and how he did it. We also talk about a spiritual experience he had, harm reduction, and how to have a natural high.

This topic is a particularly complex one. In 12-step programs, there is a heavy focus on counting “sober time” and a lot of talk about complete abstinence over everything. What sober means and what “everything” includes is debatable. However, I do want to point out that the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” is specifically focused on alcohol. There is another program called Marijuana Anonymous that is focused on marijuana. At the end of the day, you need to decide what’s right for you.

For the record, I am clear that I do not know what’s right for anyone else. I do believe in harm reduction, which is what I practiced when I stopped drinking, but I also know that using marajuana can be a slippery slope for people with addiction and dependency issues. There are medicinal benefits however for a certain group of people, it becomes another substance that is used to manage emotions in an unhealthy way. For me personally it was another way to numb out and it was stunting my healing because I have learned that I have to feel it to heal it.

There was a lot to say about this topic and I feel like we left out a few very key components to this discussion, but that leaves room for you to make your voice heard! If you have any thoughts to share on this topic, please leave a comment on the Facebook page, shoot me a DM on IG @arlinaallen or @odaatpodcast and I’ll address them in a following episode. 

As always, I would like to thank you for supporting the podcast with reviews on Apple, donations made through odaatchat.com to cover production costs and by sharing the episodes with your friends. Unity is a foundation principle to community and together we help alleviate the suffering of others. So with that, please enjoy this episode, with Jake!

Connect with Jake!

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On today’s episode, I’m chatting with Rosemary O’Connor, author of “A Sober Mom’s Guide to Recovery” published by Hazelden publishing, which is pretty darn cool if you ask me, right?!

Rosemary has been in recovery since 1999 and is a certified addiction and recovery coach. She founded ROC Recovery services to respond to the needs of women and mothers in recovery.

Main Site: http://rocrecoveryservices.com/

Blog: http://rocrecoveryservices.com/blog/

In this episode she shares some of the consequences of her drinking, how it affected her career as a salesperson, her marriage and her 3 children. We talk about solutions too, like how to deal with guilt & loneliness and how to practice self care in order to build up health self esteem.

So with that, please enjoy this episode with Rosemary!

Peace & Love,

Arlina

Today my guest is Brad Orsted, an award-winning wildlife and conservation filmmaker/photographer, author, speaker and wilderness therapy instructor. Brad’s work has appeared on Nat Geo Wild, The BBC, PBS, Nature, The Washington Post and Smithsonian Channel. Brad’s most recent film, “The Beast of Our Time: Grizzly Bears and Climate Change” is narrated by none other than Jeff Bridges. The film recently won Best Environmental Film Award at the Los Angeles Film Festival.

We will be discussing his new memoir, “Through the Wilderness: My Journey of Redemption and Healing in the American Wild”, available now wherever books are sold.

But before we jump in, I’m excited to share that I have made a lot of progress on my book “How to Quit Drinking, A 12 Step Exploration Guide. Overcome barriers to entry, Clarify Misconceptions and access a process of transformation for an alcohol-free life”. 

The first chapter is available now as my gift to you, just visit 12stepexplorationguide.com, enter your email address and it will be automatically delivered to your inbox! 

The purpose of this book is to share everything I wish I could say to someone who wants to break free of their addiction and is thinking about giving the 12 steps a shot. My goal is to help alleviate fears around attending meetings and clear up some common misconceptions, which there are many. 

But this isn’t book isn’t about invalidating anyone’s negative experiences, in fact it’s my attempt to validate them and offer a safe path through the process in order to help people who want to quit drinking and live alcohol free.

As the book progresses, I will be sharing some of the suggestions and practical strategies from additional chapters. My goal is to provide the information to the people who need it now because the book is still going to take some time to complete.

If you need support now, and you’re either not ready to try 12 step or want to, you can always work with me directly through my private coaching program. I utilize both hypnosis and compassionate recovery coaching to help you reach your goals. Just visit soberlifeschool.com to book a strategy call with me.

And if you haven’t signed up for the weekly newsletter with additional resources I find on the interwebs, you can find it on the soberlifeschool.com website as well.

So that’s it for the intro today. Please enjoy this episode with Brad.

Connect with  here:

Visit Website: https://www.bradleyorsted.com/

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