The Motherlands Podcast (Keely Semler)

In this episode we exchange ideas on the importance of doula work, and how each birth signifies the brilliance and miracle of new souls choosing their arrival. Rima Thierry has given birth four times, four different ways, in which she says, her children's personalities distinctly shine through each experience. 

Rima Thierry is a birth doula, yoga teacher, and cofounder of SovernLA, a healing arts organization that uplifts and supports black + indigenous women and gender non-binary people.

To attend a class or a new moon circle led by Rima, please visit https://www.sovern.la

*This episode is not medical advice.

1:21 What makes for a good doula

3:22 Mother and baby know best

4:53 The social media inspiration and fallacy

6:59 Choosing your birth environment

11:21 Choosing the right birth team

13:07 Helping clients relinquish control

15:58 Holding space for an empowered birth

18:59 Rima’s first birth - breech cesarean birth

26:24 Second birth - head down cesarean birth

34:12 Third birth - cesarean birth

45:00 Yoga training and fourth birth - vaginal with a doula

59:54 The duality and spirituality of birth and life

1:02:49 Rima’s organization SovernLA

1:05:24 Childhood and parenthood as a child of immigrants - the places we come from

More at www.keelysemler.com

Lara Elliott is a licensed acupuncturist and herbalist who teaches integrative healing techniques such as reiki and meditation. She works with clients individually and in groups as well as leads trainings worldwide. She resides with her family in Ojai, California.

To find out more about Lara Elliott and her offerings, please visit https://www.laraelliotthealing.com.

*This episode is not medical advice.

1:40 Wanting to be a mother

2:24 Lara’s childhood in Germany

7:21 Lara’s father’s role in her and her siblings’ births

9:30 Stories of her own birth

12:35 Lara’s conception journey, miscarriages, and postpartum

19:25 Doulas and Claire’s birth

24:42 Finding a delivery doctor

29:57 Lara’s birth journey and why she has a cesarean

32:16 Everyone’s birth journey is unique and valuable

36:36 Attachment to outcomes versus what feels right

40:34 Relinquishing control and relaxation

www.keelysemler.com

Kristina Dahlin is a physician assistant and homebirth midwife assistant. While deeply respecting the physiological process of childbirth, Kristina eloquently bridges the gap between the medical world and the holistic/natural world. Additionally, she offers pregnant clients gentle bodywork rooted in the indigenous practice of the rebozo technique to help ensure the baby is in an optimal position for labor and birth. 

To find out more about Kristina, please visit her blog: https://theevidenceexperience.blogspot.com

*This episode is not medical advice.

2:19 IUI, IVF, and Steps to Understanding Your Fertility

5:30 The role of nutrition in fertility

7:31 The process of IVF and IUI 

10:00 How gender disparity plays a part in fertility treatments

16:40 Issues within the medical institution

19:15 Cost, risk, and accessibility to fertility treatments

23:27 Fertility clinics

26:22 IUI costs and advantages

28:38 Factors to consider when beginning IVF

32:11 Kristina’s birth stories

www.keelysemler.com

Allison Oswald (PT, DPT, WCS) is a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic wellness. She takes a personalized and holistic approach to women’s wellness, integrating different modalities, such as pelvic mapping, manual techniques, visceral mobilizations, and movement education. She supports women who are pre, mid, or post pregnancy or experiencing pelvic pain, incontinence, or pelvic injury.

We discuss how she supports women with connecting and understanding the pelvic floor as it relates the rest of the body. Allison’s unique approach to educating women and applying it to their daily lives is refreshing and extremely practical, especially for new mothers. She is a mother of three herself. 

Connect with Allison on Instagram @allisonoswald or visit her Digital Studio.

I hope you enjoy this episode and if you love it please rate and leave a review! 

** Register for Medical Informed Consent: A Deep Dive Live Session with Keely Semler. Use code MOTHERLANDS for 10% off.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Sign up for the newsletter here

6:37 Why athleticism and injuries can make one prone to pelvic floor issues

8:38 Integrating pelvic health into your daily life

12:45 Pelvic floor disfunction’s influence across the body

13:27 The impact of stress, mental health, energy, and ancestral trauma on the pelvic floor

16:08 How stress heightens symptoms of dysfunction, especially during labor

17:22 Connection of the pelvic floor to the jaw

20:10 A strong pelvic floor is one that can fully relax and contract

23:17 Working with pregnant women on pelvic floor health

25:22 Perineal massage

27:56 Integrating self-awareness checks

31:07 Reconnecting to intimacy and sex after birth

35:36 Lessons from Allison’s births

38:37 How to find Allison’s work and digital studio offerings

Jennifer Davidson and Kimmy Mills are a team of lactation consultants best known as the Milky Way Mamas who are on a mission to educate and empower clients on the amazing benefits of breastfeeding. Our conversation covers a variety of common breastfeeding topics such as milk supply, engorgement, thrush, and mastitis.  While honoring the unique journey of every nursing mother, Jennifer and Kimmy share helpful tips and resources so that new mothers feel both supported and validated.    You can connect with Jennifer and Kimmy by visiting their website or following them on Instagram @themilkywaymamas and @theartofnurture. 


We apologize for any poor audio quality during this episode. We hope you still enjoy this incredible interview.

www.keelysemler.com

4:43 Factors to consider and prep for after birth

6:46 Thrush

16:50 Engorgement: diagnosis, prevention, and treatment

28:05 How does food impact milk supply?

32:36 Consuming alcohol while breastfeeding

33:36 Nursing is still possible when a mother cannot breastfeed

36:57 Jennifer’s birth experience

40:35 Kimmy’s birth stories

49:31 Milky Way film and The Art of Nurture nursing benches

52:27 Where to find Kimmy and Jennifer’s projects and work

Molly Nourmand, LMFT, is a Psychotherapist that specializes in perinatal mental health. She started an incredible company called Life After Birth where she facilitates group sessions with new mothers as they process the complexities of becoming a parent, shifts in identity, changes related to intimacy and so much more. We discuss what are some common ways that Postpartum Anxiety and Mood Disorders  (AKA PMADS) present in early parenthood.

Molly also shares a bit about her own birth story – which ultimately lead her to creating her company, Life After Birth. I have been truly thankful for the feedback on all the different guests of MOTHERLANDS.

If there are any specific topics that you are eager to learn about feel free to send an email to hello@keelysemler.com. I’d love to hear from you! 

The book referred to in this episode is Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

Connect with Molly on Instagram (@lifeafterbirth_la)Join a Life After Birth Group

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Sign up for the newsletter here

2:28 Mental load. What is it?

5:31 Creating a roadmap of parenting preferences

7:49 Developing self-advocacy practices while pregnant

10:05 risk factors for postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs)

11:10 Addressing the mental and the physical

12:31 How the lack of emotional prep can cause the development of PMADs

13:33 Giving and receiving support to new mothers

18:30 Allowing space for the partner to process

22:15 How the partner can be present and how the birthing person can best receive that support

24:28 The evolution of intimacy, sex, and identity post-birth

31:42 An ever-changing sense of identity

34:40 Holding space for hope and dealing with uncertainties collectively

37:28 Placenta encapsulation and situational PMADs

40:11 Symptoms of PMADs versus the “baby blues”

43:41 Parenting technology: benefits, reliances, and impacts on mental health

44:48 Molly’s birth experience

56:22 Recovery and the impetus for Life After Birth

Lina Bardovi, L.Ac, found her calling to Chinese medicine in her 20s when she discovered that her boyfriend had brain cancer. The one treatment that seemed to make him feel better was acupuncture. In this episode we discuss how all humans are a delicate balance of yin and yang energy, the importance of the 5 elements within the body, as well as the 5 pathogens according to traditional Chinese medicine. Lina discloses that she is currently pregnant – and shares how she has prepared for pregnancy. Chinese Medicine refers to the mother's womb as the baby palace, and we discuss everything from nutrition, to morning sickness to postpartum healing.

You can book an appointment with Lina at Resonant Healing or follow her on Instagram @resonant.healing.

*Licensed acupuncturist and clinical herbalist
**This is not medical advice.

www.keelysemler.com

1:50 Lina’s journey to becoming an acupuncturist

9:43 Lessons from loss

10:58 An overview of Chinese medicine’s basic principles

13:14 The essence of Yin and Yang

14:50 Five element theory

18:39 Channels and meridians

20:15 Choosing acupuncture points

20:45 Individualizing diagnoses to each person’s constitution

22:56 Chinese medicine as a tool for fertility 

26:01 The role of nutrition in Chinese medicine 

36:05 The importance of heat in the female body

38:24 The impact of the temperature of foods and liquids consumed

40:21 The significance of wind and pathogens in Chinese medicine

42:25 Chinese medicine for young children

44:13 Postpartum anxiety, grief, and depression

49:33 Lina’s pregnancy, preparing for birth, finding a midwife, and envisioning a new life

53:53 The power of choice

You may have heard of hypnosis before. It is often portrayed in movies and books as something quite dubious, as if it is some kind of mind control. 

But did you know that self hypnosis has incredible physiological benefits? This next guest teaches hypnobirthing to support clients through the process of giving birth. 

Ashley Mitchell Scott, MA HBCE, is a mother of two, a doula, and an educator. I had the honor of supporting her and her husband through the birth of her first child. She explains how self hypnosis is an incredible tool to reach a desired state.

Join a Hypnobirthing Group or Book a Private Class with Ashley Mitchell Scott

I have been truly thankful for the feedback on all the different guests of MOTHERLANDS. If there are any specific topics that you are eager to learn about feel free to send an email to hello@keelysemler.com. I’d love to hear from you! 

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Sign up for the newsletter here

2:10 The philosophy of hypnobirthing and Ashley’s process

5:10 Hypnosis goals & setting holistic, realistic intentions

15:27 No birth experience is a result of “not practicing enough”

17:07 Fetal ejection, birth without pushing, and the importance of having an advocate

25:03 Ashley’s births

28:53 First birth: choosing a hospital birth and Ashley’s lengthy labor

30:55 Second birth: listening to what feels right, prodromal labor, and fast labor

40:55 You have the perfect body to birth your baby

46:31 Things to check before your hospital birth

48:22 Where to find Ashley’s work and classes

Nancy Beyda is a homebirth midwife in Los Angeles. Prior to becoming a midwife, she was a birth doula for over 20 years. Nancy believes that the way we birth has a profound impact on how we move through life. She is also the Executive Director of FoodCycle LA, a nonprofit that recovers food to communities that are experiencing food insecurity. Nancy finds that there is a deep connection between childbirth and the environment and she consciously seeks out ways in which to improve the outcomes of both.

To find out more about her midwifery practice and her nonprofit, please visit http://www.nancybeyda.com

https://www.foodcyclela.org

*This episode is not medical advice.

1:08 Nancy Beyda’s journey of becoming a midwife

2:55 Midwifery vs. OBGYN care, and licensing for Midwifery services

9:22 Assessing risk and informed consent

15:09 Prenatal appointments and developing relationships with clients

17:57 The difference between doulas and midwives

20:27 Navigating conflict advice and birthing choices

25:20 Pitocin and medication

27:33 Preventing and dealing with tearing and hemorrhage

28:59 Due dates

36:51 Nancy's birth experience 

42:26 Free birth, vaginal exams, and trusting the birth process

51:27 Deciding on using a midwife or having an out-of-hospital birth

https://www.keelysemler.com/⁠

In this episode Olivia Van Dyke, a wife, a mother, and a CEO, speaks about her experience conceiving her first child at 24, the self-imposed pressure to get pregnant before her ailing father passes away, along with grieving the loss of her father while simultaneously preparing to give birth. This conversation is exceptionally moving as we examine together the heartbreak and the beauty found within the everyday moments of motherhood. 

www.keelysemler.com

2:46 Origins and inspiration for the Motherlands Podcast

3:12 Misconceptions about conception

7:02 The journey and guilt of grief and loss during pregnancy

9:39 Holding space for your emotions

11:15 Olivia’s first birth experience

20:39 The post birth feeling of invisibility for the mother and partner

24:18 Feeling disconnected from your baby

28:54 NICU and a rough transition into motherhood

31:35 Conceiving their second child and a very different second birth

33:03 Self judgment at play for using or not using an epidural

33:41 Finding a connection with a doula and determined to have an unmedicated birth

35:44 A fear of changing existent family dynamics with another child

36:48 Many new factors: an unmedicated birth during covid

48:44 Breastfeeding and working in early motherhood

51:56 Feeding the other parts of you outside being a mother

53:33 Sex drive after birth

57:21 Therapy and discovering new parts of yourself after having a baby

1:00:29 Advice for future birth-givers: you will be ok

1:01:50 The benefits of being off of social media: no FOMO or comparison

This episode is very special as I interview my mentor, Julie Freitas. Julie was a childbirth educator and doula for over forty years. She taught in hospitals, clinics and in her home in Los Angeles. Her intimate style of teaching was coveted by the hundreds of families she taught from all different cultural backgrounds. In this episode, Julie describes the way in which women give birth has changed over time and she shares the story of her first son's birth. We also discuss postpartum depression, breastfeeding, sleep training, and the early days of parenthood.

*This is not medical advice.

www.keelysemler.com

1:38 How Julie's work in childhood education influenced her first birth experience

4:30 Finding a doctor who supported her wish for a natural birth

6:53: Julie’s birth experience

11:58 The impact of the birth on Julie’s partner and their relationship

13:16 The impetus of Julie’s journey into birth work and the nature of birth teaching

16:02 Julie’s labor support journey

20:27 The evolution of the culture around childbirth

24:46 Julie’s style and history of teaching

27:56 Qualities of a good doula

32:22 Doing it together: being there for your child and knowing you can't control the life they came here to lead

34:56 Feeding with love, with or without breastfeeding

37:04 Finding a good caregiver for your child

Jules Blaine Davis is a mother, writer, wayshower and coach. She has been called the "midwife to life", encouraging women to live the life that is right here, right now. We go deep in our conversation where we discuss giving ourselves permission to listen to the body, how we often say "No" to ourselves. We also talk about how every person is a mother - including men. And that we are constantly birthing the new mothers inside of us. 

To purchase a copy of the Kitchen Healer or to find out more information about Jules you can visit her website https://www.julesblainedavis.com

You can also find Jules on Instagram @julesbdavis

Read Keely's Substack Newsletter

www.keelysemler.com⁠

Justine Malick is a certified Pilates instructor, trainer, and owner of Sapphire Pilates. She works with clients from all walks of life to facilitate a sense of ease within the body. Justine specializes in Somatics, Body Mind Centering (BMC), Deep Bodywork Massage, Resistance Flexibility Strength Training (RFST), Chinese Medicine, and Prenatal/Postpartum Corrective Exercise (PPCES).

To visit her studio, book a private session, or find out more about her services and offerings, please visit https://www.sapphirepilates.com

*This episode is not medical advice.

3:58 Movement and breath in pregnancy and postpartum 

8:45 The impact of relaxin; strength versus flexibility

10:34 Engaging the pelvic floor

13:22 Combatting historic tendencies to maintain tightness in the body

17:03 Addressing sciatic pain in pregnancy

23:01 Agency of movement & breath during pregnancy

26:14 Honoring asymmetry and internal architecture within the body

27:32 Supporting the postpartum body & beginning movement after birth

31:36 Prioritizing integrity of movement

33:50 Ayurvedic offerings

36:03 Justine’s philosophy of movement

For more information, visit ⁠www.keelysemler.com⁠.

In this episode, Michelle divulges how how she relates to her career after having a baby, and the stigma around being a mother whilst being a female business owner. We discuss topics that are often perceived as taboo such as sex and intimacy post birth, sleep training, and gender roles. The episode concludes with the story of her son's birth. Michelle Pellizzon Lipsitz is the founder of Holisticism, a community and educational platform for wellness-oriented entrepreneurs and creatives. She is also the co-host of The Twelfth House Podcast

You can follow Michelle on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/michellepellizzonlipsitz/ and Holisticism here https://www.holisticism.com

*This episode is not medical advice.

www.keelysemler.com

1:31 Changes after birth

4:13 Expectations about birth and motherhood

5:35 How society treats women/mothers who go back to work after birth

8:00 Sleep training and “parenting expertise”

13:32 Revelations of motherhood and gender roles

15:55 The spectrum of gender identity and labels in birthing

18:18 Intimacy and physical activity during and post pregnancy

23:15 Stigmas and assumptions around breastfeeding

26:27 Building an understanding with your partner regarding postpartum intimacy

27:01 Preparing for birth, deciding on having a doula, and hypnobirthing

29:00 Michelle’s birth story

38:00 Working with medical staff while also maintaining your autonomy

43:11 Post birth realizations, needs, and family dynamics

It is with great pleasure I introduce the next guest on the MOTHERLANDS Podcast.

I first encountered Nicole Morales when I was a new doula, seeking out additional training and education on supporting clients through birth. I attended a Spinning Babies course in San Diego and Nicole was my instructor. She left such an impression on me as she taught me to be deeply curious about how a baby’s position in labor has everything to do with how labor progresses.

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Nicole Morales is a mother, a homebirth midwife, an Approved Spinning Babies Trainer and a Certified Birthing from Within Mentor. She was also an instructor for The Nizhoni Institute of Midwifery and is part of Breechbirthsd.com which helps breech families navigate the system as best as possible by being an online resource center.

She also recently co-authored a book entitled Restorative Midwifery: Heart Sacrifice, which is about breech and twin births.

In this conversation we talk about the importance of listening as an active practice in midwifery care. She shares that to her, birthwork is nervous system work and nervous system work is legacy work, which is part of a multi-generational nervous system.

We also discuss how medical research is storytelling.

In her experience as a practicing midwife, normal labor and birth is not usually reflective in medical research.

Why?

When money is embedded in how medical research is conducted, it can change how a story is told.

About 75% of modern day Obstetrics is not evidence based. It has been handed down, indoctrinating new medical providers by practicing medicine in a way that does not promote the best maternal health outcomes.

What I found most interesting was when Nicole explained that sometimes we compromise what we say and do because we want other people to be at ease with our decisions.

It made me reflect on all of the clients I’ve supported over the years; the journey it is for each person to discover what feels right to them, the loving presence it takes to give someone permission to explore and ask questions as they move through pregnancy and birth, how you can always change your mind, and how this makes a world of difference in how someone feels safe.

You can Support Nicole’s work by purchasing her book on Amazon

Connect with her on Instagram @nicolemoralesmidwife

Or visit her website

https://artofopening.com

Thank you for being here. If you find this episode helpful or enlightening I would be so grateful if you left a rating or a write a review.

MOTHERLANDS is a podcast which traverses the current landscape of fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Sharing evidence based information through honest conversations, my hope is that these interviews will help listeners become more educated, make informed choices, and ultimately foster better maternal health outcomes.

** Register for Medical Informed Consent: A Deep Dive Live Session with Keely Semler.

Use Code: MOTHERLANDS for 10% off.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram @k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast

Dawn Huckelbridge is a mother and the Founding Director of Paid Leave for All. In this conversation we discuss (and lament) how the United States is one of the few countries left in the world that does not have any national Paid Family Leave program.

Nearly 1 in 4 employed mothers have to return to work within two weeks of giving birth and only 25 percent of US workers have access to paid family leave through an employer. For the employers that do offer some kind of leave, it is usually anywhere from 6-12 weeks which is simply not enough time for a new mother to heal from childbirth let alone acclimate to new parenthood. 

At this point it is widely acknowledged that the lack of support withheld from new mothers can lead to adverse health outcomes for women. Specifically, postpartum mood disorders can develop as a result of the absence of financial and physical support in the early weeks and months following birth.

Even more disturbing is the overwhelming financial burden most new families face when they decide to have a child. The most disheartening revelation I had as a birth doula is that having a family in the United States is almost a marked sign of luxury -reserved for the elite, as they are the ones who can afford to pay for the good providers who do not accept insurance, take time off of work unpaid, and put their child in day care or hire a nanny.

Dawn recently addressed the Biden Administration urging lawmakers to commit to passing legislation that provides paid leave for new families. As I mention in this episode, this is a nonpartisan effort; we do not need to be affiliated with a certain political party to be in favor of paid family leave.

Most importantly, it is time we hold politicians accountable for the promises they make.

While I know we are preaching to the choir as the MOTHERLANDS community is predominantly women, we can utilize and mobilize our outrage together to create the change that we as well as our children and future generations deserve. 

Join the movement with Paid Leave for All

Photograph of Dawn Huckelbridge, Paid Leave For All Founding Director

5:09 How the pandemic put paid leave in a bipartisan spotlight

6:56 Financial access to paid leave and childcare

11:33 Making sense of life after birth

13:13 Lack of access to paid leave contributes to postpartum mental health issues

16:10 Statistics, disparities, election issues, and costs of care and childbirth

19:35 Policy change: how can people get involved?

21:01 Where to find Dawn and Paid Leave for All

21:28 Wisdom for new mothers: tell your full, authentic stories

24:41 Advice to new families and partners

Thank you for being here. If you find this episode helpful or enlightening I would be so grateful if you left a rating or a write a review.

** Register for Medical Informed Consent: A Deep Dive Live Session with Keely Semler.

Use Code: MOTHERLANDS for 10% off.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Sign up for the newsletter here

A couple of years after the birth of her first son, Yvonne Strahovski became pregnant with her second child and was determined to have a radically different experience. In this episode, we discuss how birth is just as much a mental and emotional experience as it is a physical one. As she begins to prepare for the arrival of her third baby, Yvonne shares her journey of learning how to listen, prioritize, and trust her intuition in which she describes as the intelligence found within the body.

This episode was already released last year, but somehow it went missing. So if you haven’t already listened to this one, let me know what you think.

And since releasing this episode, Yvonne gave birth again to her third child! I’m hoping she will join us again to share how incredibly different her third birth was to her second and first births.The photograph of Yvonne was taken on medium format film at dusk in her Malibu home by Matt Bockal.

Thank you for being here. If you find this episode helpful or enlightening I would be so grateful if you left a rating or a write a review.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Part of the reason why I love being the host of the MOTHERLANDS Podcast is because I get to interview guests about deep and meaningful ideas about what it means to be a woman.

But when it comes to myself I find it difficult to open up about my own process. This episode is my attempt to be both brave and vulnerable. I talk about how doula work found me. My childhood prepared me well for the job of a doula, especially my role as a caregiver for my older brother who was born with a rare genetic disease. It was a tumultuous childhood, riddled with immense uncertainty. But what it taught me is that our wounds, if handled with care, can be a source of connection. The depth of grief I experienced in losing my brother grants me access to places within my heart that allow me to be a loving, supportive presence for others.

Photograph by Matt Bockal

Thanks for reading Motherlands! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

As I ramble on, I weigh the pros and cons of giving birth within a hospital setting as well as at home and at birth centers. Additionally I share the major differences between a western OBGYN and a community based midwife.

This is a good episode to share with anyone that is pregnant or plans to be pregnant and is not sure what environment is most conducive for trust and safety within their individual body.

I am forever learning how to build the capacity to hold more complexity within my life. It has been the deepest honor to teach and work alongside others in deepening their own resilience.

Thank you for being here.

If you find this episode helpful or enlightening I would be so grateful if you left a rating or a write a review.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler on Instagram (@k.eelys or @motherlands.podcast)

Thank you for reading Motherlands. This post is public so feel free to share it.

It is with great pleasure to share this incredible conversation with Nkem Ndefo about trauma and resilience. We examine how our bodies uniquely adapt to our surroundings. Every person has their own internal system of regulation, or how our bodies filter and respond to our environment. Sometimes we can tolerate stressful conditions, and other times it can take us over the edge into overwhelm.

Nkem explains that there is good stress, like preparing for a new job, or getting married. However, there is also toxic stress, and distressing situations - this is the type of stress that if it goes unchecked, can lead to overwhelm and potentially trauma.

Trauma changes the structure and function of the brain as well as how the nervous system operates. We lament how many new age healing programs tell people to relive their trauma. However, this can subsequently embed the trauma further into the neural network of the brain which can cause more harm to the individual.

Nkem clarifies that there isn’t really a way you can just remove trauma through catharsis. Rather, it requires repatterning the way in which you relate to the trauma. This means that there is an internal shift in how someone holds the trauma within their body and mind. And in order to repattern trauma, one must feel ready and willing to revisit the traumatic event in a safe environment, slowly and gingerly. This helps the individual to garner nervous system stabilization - or in simple words, not freak out and emotionally spiral.

When Nkem refers to the Stabilization Phase of Trauma Healing, this is precisely the mission of the Resilience Toolkit, where participants learn how to settle and calm their own nervous system.

I ask Nkem what exactly does resilience mean?

She explains that resilience does not mean growing your ability to withstand people or systems that create oppression, rather it means having the skills and strategy to be both flexible and strong and also know how to create stability within yourself.

In other words, being resilient it is not learning how to tolerate more b******t.

It is also worth noting that safety is both an external and an internal condition. Nkem helps people to discover what safety feels like within an individual’s body so that they can gauge how an external environment can either promote or interfere with their ability to feel safe.

We also talk about her many years as a nurse midwife both within the hospital system as well as her private practice, her thoughts around birth plans, doulas being a bandaid for a much larger systemic and oppressive issue, and so much more.

Nkem Ndefo, MSN, CNM, RN (she/they) is the founder of Lumos Transforms and creator of The Resilience Toolkit. She is a skilled practitioner, dynamic speaker, and valued strategist. She is known for her unique ability to connect with people of all types by holding powerful healing spaces, weaving complex concepts into accessible narratives, and creating synergistic and collaborative learning communities that nourish people’s innate capacity for healing, wellness, and connection.

Lumos Transforms has a wide variety of group and individual offerings where you can learn and practice the resilience toolkit.

They also host a free workshop called the Roadmap to Trauma Healing which explains the importance and impact of utilizing the resilience toolkit.

You can follow Nkem @lumos_transforms and @nkemndefo.

As always thank you for being here and for supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast. Please like, review and share with anyone you think would enjoy this conversation.

2:47 Defining trauma and how it is different from stress5:42 Reliving trauma versus revisiting trauma9:12 Finding safety and the stabilization phase of trauma healing11:46 Building an active resilience toolkit that works for YOU15:33 Acknowledging the limits of any practice - it’s not one size fits all17:17 Hubris and capitalism’s effect on healing and trauma19:04 How do we have informed consent and trust within the power dynamic of the obstetrical system?22:03 Finding someone you trust rather than relying on an extensive birth plan23:25 Doulas can advocate and support, they can not save25:36 Addressing root causes for birth issues inside and outside the hospital29:00 Working with birthing people who have had traumatic birth experiences31:33 The roadmap to trauma healing32:28 Trauma bonding: how we gravitate towards what we resonate with33:26 Our trauma and polarity influence our life and career choices35:02 Wanting control is a prime trauma response36:05 How can we value pleasure and joy through resilience?38:42 Finding Nkem’s work: Lumos Transforms

Kim is an outspoken, fiery mother of three children. Her husky, confident voice immediately puts you at ease. You can tell within a few moments of speaking to her that she really has a lot of life experience that informs the incredible work she does as a doula. You may also know her online as Mama Three Birds.

In this episode, she shares about how her childhood impacted her ability to provide support to birthing families. Starting with the birth of her brother, she has been fascinated by childbirth since she was a young child. We talk about nature versus nurture and how her role now as a birth doula is simply a part of who she is; it was not something she purposely sought out to do. Caregiving has always been her role.

Kimberly explains in her own words what medical informed consent means and gives common scenarios of how she addresses it within a hospital setting. She says that often times a nurse will approach her client and say: “We are going to start you on medication now because you aren’t making the progress we want to see”. She will then turn to her client and reinterpret it in a way that empowers the birthing person by saying something like, “the doctor would like to give you medication. How do you feel about that?” The way in which her clients are spoken to by medical personnel is an opportunity for Kim to teach her clients that they are not just a patient but also a paying customer, which means they are entitled to (and should be demanding of) treatment that is dignified and respectful.

Kim also shares that building an emotional connection with the nurses can create cohesion which allows the birthing person to feel harmony within the birth team and her environment.

We also discuss social media and its implications on childbirth, how sometimes it creates unrealistic ideals around birth and motherhood. Our culture has become so results driven and yet there is this whole other experience; the journey of pregnancy and birth matter just as much as the end result. How someone feels held through the process can be just as meaningful as how the baby is born, whether it is cesarean, unmedicated or otherwise.

Kim also shares about her involvement with the International Cesarean Awareness Network, which provides resources and support to birthing people who are hoping to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC).

Kimberly Denitz-Zuleger is a mother, birth doula, miscarriage and loss doula and placenta encapsulator based in the Ojai/Ventura/Santa Barbara area. You can connect with her @mamathreebirds or by visiting her website.

The photograph of Kim was taken on medium format film by Matt Bockal.

As always thank you for being here and for supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast. Please like, review and share with anyone you think would enjoy this conversation.

1:28 Kimberly’s childhood influences and journey to being a doula

6:45 The mixture of nature and nurture in shaping identity, purpose, and career paths

15:06 What informed consent looks like

16:59 Self-advocacy and knowing your team is working for you

17:47 Making a hospital birth your own

19:13 Shifting from a result-oriented to an experience-oriented ideology

25:56 Overlooked focuses within birth and post-partum

28:37 Healing from hardships that otherwise would keep repeating themselves

31:42 Kimberly’s work with ICAN: International Cesarean Awareness Network

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When it comes to being a woman, pleasure is not really something as a culture we are taught to explore or prioritize. For Marissa Correia, it is her passion to share about the importance of pleasure in our lives and how it allows us to be more connected to our bodies and our environment.

In our conversation, we discuss what it means to build a practice of embodiment. She explains that embodiment is a process of re-inhabiting our bodies.

Marissa explains that sometimes pleasure is used as a means to leave our bodies, or a way out of feeling instead of a way in to feeling more deeply. She says there is a place for both - but that the true work is strengthening and promoting safety to be fully within one’s skin.

She posits that a lot of the issues we are collectively facing as a society can be attributed to the idea of disembodiment or disconnection from one’s physical body. By nature, we were not designed nor meant to be living in such a fast pace way, every single day.

Marissa shares her authentic perspective on the cycles of nature and how they relate to the human body. The way she uses language to explain how the body is intricately connected to the earth is incredibly beautiful. For example, we discuss the earth based wheel of the year and its significance and correlation to a woman’s menstrual cycle. Most notably, when seasons change from the depth of winter’s release to the slow emergence of early spring, we can see the correlation it has to the menses (bleeding) phase and the beginning of the follicular phase when our hormones begin to rise again to prepare for ovulation.

She also describes the womb is a mirror; it reflects how we treat our body as a whole. How might we be using protection when it may not be necessary? How does being in fight or flight influence our nervous system? And how might the nervous system affect our womb?

We also discuss the pelvic bowl, in lieu of the term pelvic floor, is a place of receiving and releasing.

Marissa offers many different courses on earth womb embodiment both online and in person in San Diego.

You can connect with her here or by visiting her website.

As always thank you for being here and for supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast. Please like, review and share with anyone you think would enjoy this conversation.

4:30 Defining embodied pleasure

13:32 Supporting the conditions that allow the body to feel safe

16:37 Witnessing different nervous system responses without judgment

19:45 How people pleasing comes into play during birth and embodiment

20:46 Natural cycles, body cycles, and earth womb embodiment

26:43 Tracking cycles

28:31 “Pelvic bowl” and “pelvic diaphragm” in lieu of “pelvic floor”

34:38 The importance of relaxation

36:12 Understanding the intelligence of scar tissue and that tension is not protection

Thank you for reading Motherlands. This post is public so feel free to share it.

We spend most of our waking moments in our minds. Planning, rationalizing, thinking, evaluating. All of these are important processes. But did you know that the pelvis speaks a language of its own?

Kimberly Ann Johnson describes how the body carries not only personal stories from our life experience, but also ancestral stories. These stories are lodged within the body and can be expressed in an infinite number of ways.

More specifically, our tissues hold memory. For example, when there is scar tissue present, it is physical evidence of trauma. Trauma can mean different things, but in this context I simply mean that something abrupt happened to the body that disturbed the tissues enough to create a scar. That does not mean it is internalized by the individual as a traumatic event (although it absolutely could and often does). Regardless of whether or not a person with scar tissue consciously perceives it as a traumatic event, the scar tissue speaks for itself.

Kimberly has supported women for many years processing birth stories. She explains that often times the person may have a narrative in place in their mind, but they might not have the somatic connection or recall from that experience until someone is able to bring awareness to the pelvic floor. In order to create harmony between the body (the pelvis) and the mind, she helps women direct their attention to their pelvic floor through hands on support.

She listens and responds to the individual’s body- not simply the words that someone speaks. Kimberly describes how a woman might feel ready in her mind for the hands on touch, but her body might not be ready. When this happens, she allows the body to express itself first as it gives valuable information about the individual that the conscious mind may not even be aware of.

There are many aspects of this episode that resonate with me deeply as a woman, as a birth doula, and an educator. I hope it hits home for you, too.

If you would like to connect with Kimberly you can do so here.

Her newest course called MotherCircle builds community support for mothers in order to feel a sense of camaraderie and a place of belonging… This offering helps break past barriers that make motherhood feel lonely and difficult to connect. You can find out more information about MotherCircle and sign up for the course here.

5:12 Kimberly’s personal upbringing

8:17 Hands on, hands in body work and the information the pelvis holds

12:37 Listening to the tissue and the whole body, not just what is verbalized

16:20 Helping clients connect with their pelvis

19:11 Perennial stretching, prenatal movement, and healing rupture through touch

21:28 The intelligence of scar tissue and how it holds trauma and emotion

25:31 To push or not to push// fetal ejection reflex

29:09 Observations from Kimberly’s time as a birth doula

31:13 The prescriptive, shaming, and accusatory tone that often permeates digital spaces on women’s health

36:27 Making “mistakes” does not mean that you are doing it wrong

39:43 Using your discernment about when to listen to the outside world and when to listen to your body

41:44 Oppositional gaze and the limitations of our dependence on digital resources

44:45 Building community, horizontal care, and mother circles

46:43 The Fourth Trimester book and what Kimberly would add now

49: 24 Female life stages are not problems to solve

Thank you for being here and for supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast.

Please like, review and share with anyone you think would enjoy this conversation.

** If you know someone that works with a brand or company that shares the ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who may be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, please email hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

A few years ago I met Elizabeth at her cozy chic spa in Topanga called Honest Rituals. I was looking for a practitioner that could help me relieve jaw tension as I suffer from TMJ (anyone else?). I had heard that she offered a facial treatment that incorporates massage which sounded intriguing.

My experience was nothing short of calming and restorative. Not only were her hands gentle, but also her presence was soothing. As a doula who holds significant energy and emotional space for clients, I left the spa feeling lighter; Almost like my own energy had been purified. Since meeting Elizabeth, she has gone on to open a second location on the island of Kauai, where she gave birth to her daughter Penelope.

There are so many things I love about this beautiful conversation. She openly shares about her becoming pregnant and how she intuitively felt that she needed to be in a peaceful environment in order to birth her baby. She bravely discloses her experience of having a miscarriage and feeling a sense of shame. I was in awe of her willingness to speak about the loneliness that often accompanies loss. It makes you wonder how many women in the world have silently processed a loss in isolation…

So often early motherhood is depicted as a dark, turbulent season. And while it certainly can be, Elizabeth was pleasantly surprised by her own experience. Through a process of self discovery, Elizabeth has found inexplicable joy in being a mother. There is a lightness to Elizabeth that is inspiring… She exudes positive energy that makes you feel a sense of peace.

I hope you enjoy this conversation :) Please share with anyone you think may need a dose of magical, adventurous, mama medicine.

You can connect with Elizabeth Carter here.

And if you want to treat yourself to an incredible facial either in Topanga or Kauai, you can book an appointment at Honest Rituals here.

4:28 Elizabeth’s formative experience as an au pair and witnessing others’ births

7:13 Feeling ready or not ready to have a baby

8:18 Balancing the pain and “shame” of a miscarriage with hope and readiness

11:46 Preparing for labor and birth and the role of intuition

16:40 Elizabeth’s birth story in the Hawaiian island of Kauai

26:26 The support of a midwife and the impact on a partner

33:43 Going into birth with intentions, not expectations

35:34 The importance of rest immediately after birth

36:39 Having a birth experience free from the mind

41:41 Postpartum and identity shifts

43:20 Changing perceptions of beauty

44:56 Words of wisdom to future mothers and the importance of choice in motherhood

Thank you for being here and for supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast.

Please like, review and share with anyone you think would enjoy this conversation.

** If you know someone that works with a brand or company that shares the ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who may be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, please email hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

While many people move through life with a conscious need to differentiate themselves from their chosen career, Tema Mercado offers a refreshing and sincere perspective… Which is that the work she does as a midwife is inextricably woven into all facets of her life but most importantly, her family. She talks about how supportive her husband is to her and their children, how he draws her a bath after she returns home from a long birth or leaves the house with her kids so that she can catch her breath in silence.

She shares about the harsh reality of being an indigenous midwife, and how her non-white clients are more likely to have CPS called on them or be subjected to toxicology screenings. There are extra precautions in order to protect her clients that Tema takes very seriously. Futhermore, Tema explains that her licensure as a midwife extends a level of safety and protection to her community.

There is something incredibly beautiful and honest about Tema’s process in building and resourcing herself with support so that she can fully show up for her clients and her community. It makes me reflect on my own practice as an educator, doula and midwife assistant, and how I too could build a deeper safety net of support.

She brings forth the sacredness of birthwork in such an authentic way that it brought tears to my eyes. How she orients her life to the higher calling of serving families is striking. What I realized in our conversation together is how meaningful it is to be surrounded by a community (in real life) that uplifts each community member. While this isn’t a groundbreaking concept, it does feel as though community seems harder to find.

While Tema only takes on a small number of families per year, you can find birth related resources on her website and also follow her on instagram as she shares personal stories and insights into community based midwifery care.

3:10 Tema’s evolving midwifery practice

5:50 Differences between birth practices in Mexico and the USA

11:40 Honoring the Indigenous roots of birth practices like Rebozo

20:40 Navigating the medical industrial complex

24:26 Meeting families where they are without assumptions

26:01 A midwife is not a magician - balancing expectations, transparency, and boundaries

28:57 Building strong relationships on informed consent and joint decision-making

31:28 Self-care rituals

36:10 Letting the outside life enrich midwifery life and vice versa

42:17 How to find Tema and her work

THANK YOU again for being here. If you enjoy this episode, please remember to like and leave a review as this makes it easier for people to find us.

If you happen to know someone that works with a brand or company that shares a similar ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who might be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, I’d love to chat! You can email me hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

Today on the MOTHERLANDS podcast we have Alex Taylor. Alex is a mother, a women’s health advocate and the cofounder of Perelel Health. The main topics of interest in this conversation are Alex’s personal experience of giving birth twice, how she had to unlearn her millennial programming of needing to do everything “right”, how eerily unregulated the vitamin and supplement industry is in the United States and what Perelel Health is doing to maintain quality and integrity with all of their supplements.

It was eye opening hearing Alex explain the huge disparity in women’s health research. More specifically, only approximately 10.8% of NIH (National Institutes of Health) funding goes toward female health studies. Since the recording of this epsiode, Perelel Health launched a campaign called Perelel Universe in support of allocating more funding towards women’s health research.

What is even more disturbing is that this disparity has largely been overlooked since clinical research first began. Changes in hormones and the menstrual cycle were seen as a confounding variable in research, which means that researchers decided to exclude women from studies. What this means is that most common medications are dosed according to male biology.

It is infuriating, isn’t it? It’s 2024 afterall.

So let me know what you think of this episode. Feel free to leave a comment here. There is definitely so much we can discuss together as a community about women’s health research.

To learn more about Perelel Health you can visit their website and use the code MOTHERLANDS to receive 20% off your first order.

Or you can connect with Alex here.

5:53 The inexplicable perspective motherhood brings

9:24 A new sense of empathy and understanding for her mother after birth

10:52 Accepting what you don’t know and the beauty of unique experiences coexisting

13:42 Education helps you better advocate for yourself during birth

14:44 Contextualizing your experience with “for now”

15:49 Building a support infrastructure for postpartum and your willingness to accept help

20:48 Navigating a financial and political system that is not conducive to supporting mothers and families

23:58 Identity shifts after birth & giving the gift of your authenticity and self-love to your kids

25:54 How Perelel creates targetted, wrap-around women’s supplements and tackles the women’s health gap

34:16 Skiplotting vs Perelel’s transparency

38:58 Research, education, and the double-edged sword of everyone being an armchair expert

40:59 Being present as a parent is your superpower

Please like and leave a review if you enjoy this episode. Thank you again for being here and tuning in.

** If you know someone that works with a brand or company that shares the ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who may be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, please email hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

Thanks for reading Motherlands! This post is public so feel free to share it.

There comes a point when every person gets to decide what they want to share about their kids on the internet. I asked my client Jackie Shea if she would be willing to speak about her recent change of heart in how she publicly shares information about her children.

I would like to preface by saying that this is a conversation that provides a perspective of a parent who is simply learning how to navigate the complexities of being a new mother. This is not to shame or guilt anyone into doing anything they do not want to do.

As Jackie so eloquently says, “all roads lead to Rome” - an expression I also use with my clients as they approach their birth. Simply put, there is no one size fits all and to each her own. However, it is worth investigating how social media plays a role in how we show up in the world and how our children may consequently be affected by our choices.

In this conversation we discuss sharenting, or the practice of parents sharing information about their children online often through platforms of social media for public consumption. If you would like to read more about the possible long term implications of sharenting, you can do so here and here.

In addition to discussing social media and early parenthood, Jackie speaks candidly about finding time for self care and connection with her partner.

To learn more about Jackie you can connect with her via her website or on instagram.

1:43 How family dynamics change with each birth5:01 ‘Mom guilt’ and choosing to live life without it9:20 Affirmations and identity shifts12:12 The importance of building community after birth14:04 Post-birth planning and the evolving relationship with your partner17:44 Non-negotiables of self-care22:42 Navigating time, money, and the mommy tax24:28 Jackie’s impetus behind deciding not to share her children’s photos online28:52 Giving your child agency, respect, and privacy32:11 Balancing protection of privacy with trying not to control it36:13 Motherhood is a day at a time journey

Thank you for being here.

If you enjoy this episode, please remember to like and leave a review as this makes it easier for people to find us.

Use code MOTHERLANDS to recieve 20% off your first order of Perelel Vitamins.

If you happen to know someone that works with a brand or company that shares a similar ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who might be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, I’d love to chat! You can email me hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Paula Mallis at her ranch in Ojai, California where we delve into conversation on the spiritual process of cycles (or circles) and being in communion with nature. As you tune in, you may hear us sipping tea or a bird chirping overhead in the old oak trees. This episode feels special as were fully immersed in the natural soundscape of her property.

Paula explains that circles create movement, as there is no definitive beginning or end. In her work as a circle facilitator, she takes participants through a four part process:

Invitation: The initiation into a new perspective or way of being.

Purification: The process of clearing out anything that no longer serves you.

Integration: Observing how things feel and a chance to reconfigure, as you bring more awareness into this process.

Completion: The death of a cycle; experiencing a sense of resolution and coming to your own conclusion.

Paula believes that these four steps are the pillars of a cycle and offer us the opportunity of healing.

We talk about how people often can get stuck in one of the steps. For example, some people spend their whole lives in an invitation. Or how someone can become addicted to fixing oneself in the purification process. Paula describes that it is also possible to experience two steps, for example an invitation and a completion, at the same time. The circle is constantly moving and it is up to the individual to go deeper in understanding one’s process in order to take responsibility.

She also shares about her recent reconnection with horses and how being in the company of horses has given her the chance to unlearn that which no longer serves her. What is really striking to me is Paula’s ability to explain the importance of making self honoring choices, and how we cannot truly be in service to others if we do not make decisions that are rooted in our wellbeing.

Since MOTHERLANDS is a podcast that honors the Mother in her infinite forms, I ask Paula about her experience of becoming a mother and how her perspective of motherhood has shifted over time.

This photograph of Paula was taken on medium format film by Matt Bockal.

If you are interested in learning more about Paula, please visit her website.

2:17 The power of silence and reconnecting with nature

10:02 Paula’s journey with horses

12:28 Dealing with childhood shame and unlearning your way through resistance

18:52 Paula’s evolution of understanding motherhood

20:29 The connection between birth work, cycles, and understanding death

23:16 Getting stuck in a cycle of purification

25:26 The energy of control

27:12 Invitations in Paula’s life

28:13 Permission

30:19 Integration + self-honoring choices

32:30 birth work and motherhood

38:24 Reclaiming your space and honoring the space between

Thank you for being here. Please remember to like and leave a review as this makes it easier for people to find us.

Use code MOTHERLANDS to receive 20% off your first order of Perelel Vitamins.

If you happen to know someone that works with a brand or company that shares a similar ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who might be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, we would love to chat! You can email hello@keelysemler.com.

You can connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD here or by visiting her website.

On the last episode of MOTHERLANDS with Paula Mallis, you may recall us talking about the philosophy of space and how we occupy physical and emotional space. In this episode I am very excited to be sharing the conversation I had with Cassandra Ogier and her enlivening practice with horses called The Reflective Horse.

Cassandra supports people by providing opportunities to encounter horses in a strikingly unique way. I met Cassandra a number of years ago and was able to experience her teaching firsthand. It is difficult to describe just how meaningful her work is, but I will try my best to articulate it.

We discuss how fear is an emotion that is more often derived from our thoughts but is not necessarily supported by our intuition. While fear can be useful at times, it can also disrupt or hinder our inner knowing. As an example Cassandra explains the dynamic within a herd of horses and how the leading mare is often a female that has given birth. She is responsible for guiding and directing the herd, particularly when there is danger such as a predator approaching. This example highlights a healthy and intuitive response from the horses. When there is no immediate threat to the herd the leading mare can often be found exploring independently, on the periphery.

The Reflective Horse allows us to examine our own nature. When I think back to my private session with Cassandra, I remember how I practiced my approaching a horse with calm, inner confidence and how leading with this energy subsequently “moved” the horse. I learned that I would not receive the desired response from the horse if I appeared sheepish or unsure. My thoughts essentially were getting in between me and the horse. It made me wonder how many times a day I disconnect from my inner nature (my intuition) and how this impacts my ability to move and make decisions with clarity.

Cassandra shares her experience of becoming a mother to three sons, what it was like to navigate early motherhood and how she learned how to trust and allow her children to develop their own sense of boundaries through exploration.

Even if you have no interest in horses, there is still something to learn here… As human beings we are always in direct communication with Mother Nature. To be brave enough to look at the mirror that Mother Nature provides can be both life affirming and life giving.

Cassandra and I are toying around with the idea of cohosting a one day retreat in Malibu for women. If this interests you, please leave us your email and we will send updates as they become available.

To learn more about Cassandra’s practice, you can visit her website or follow the Reflective Horse.

3:47 Cassandra’s background10:00 Letting children develop their own boundaries14:44 Choosing how to give birth17:36 Navigating feelings of loss of self (the “death” of being a Maiden) after birth23:36 Making choices that feel right, not just what “should” be done27:04 What we can learn from horses about taking up space and energetic presence37:22 The neutral energy of the female lead mare39:35 Fear is a thought, not your intuition41:50 Grounding and realizing you won’t have an insight through thinking more44:15 Facing the idea of letting go and the pace of change

Thank you for being here. Please remember to like and leave a review as this makes it easier for people to find us!

Show your support by following MOTHERLANDS on Instagram.

You are also welcome to connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD or by visiting her website.

If you happen to know someone that works with a brand or company that shares a similar ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who might be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, we would love to chat. You can email hello@keelysemler.com.

Use code MOTHERLANDS to receive 20% off your first order of Perelel Vitamins.

In our culture, there’s a tendency to shy away from discussing loss. Conversations about death often feel absent, even though it is something that profoundly shapes who we are. Perhaps we avoid talking about it in the hope that by ignoring it we can somehow escape its reach. But the truth is, avoiding it doesn’t make it any less inevitable.

We can honor death in much the same way we appreciate the changing of the seasons. Winter, for instance, is a time for reflection and stillness—a season of turning inward and embracing pause. So it feels fitting to share this conversation with my mother where we reflect on our experience as caregivers for my late brother, Derek.

My brother was born with a rare genetic condition that ultimately claimed his life at seventeen, just a few months before he was set to graduate from high school. As one of his primary caregivers, he taught me the true value of life; that nothing is guaranteed, no matter how much our minds may try to convince us otherwise.

A couple of weeks ago, my dear client Jackie Shea shared a quote.

“You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away. But right now we stand on holy and sacred ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realising this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude. Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar"

This conversation with my mom is perhaps the most tender one I have ever shared publicly. Grief has a way of disarming us, leaving us vulnerable. Being a caregiver to someone who is suffering offers an opportunity to look at life squarely in the eye; to acknowledge the incredible gift it is to simply take a deep breath or to marvel at the miracle of being able to walk on two legs.

The holiday season can be especially difficult for those who have lost a loved one. I see you, and I’m holding you in this moment. I hope this conversation brings you some comfort and reminds you that you are not alone.

Lastly, there are some exciting things coming in the new year… MOTHERLANDS 2.0 will be released into the world in just a few weeks.

For now visit our new website, and join the waitlist to be the first to know about our new offerings!

4:29 Derek’s diagnosis and navigating early treatment12:55 Finding focus and creative solutions despite the constant fear14:34 The loneliness of an experience not many have experienced21:22 Navigating places and people that don’t prioritize accessibility27:16 Finding and building community28:24 Resources in schools and transportation for students with special needs33:27 When a child with special needs ages out of the medical system35:01 The expenses that come with caring for a family member with a disability46:37 The joys of Derek’s journey & the kindness of others56:01 Remembering and finding a meaningful way forward after loss1:01:30 How childrearing has evolved1:06:46 The transition into an empty nest1:08:47 Conversation as a cornerstone of parenting1:12:59 How spirituality, love, and compassion take you through difficult times1:15:06 Beauty now and how caregiving translated into doula work for Keely1:21:18 Debbie’s background in dance and the influence of movement1:23:42 Parting wisdom

Thank you for being here. Please remember to like and leave a review as this makes it easier for people to find us.

WE ARE MOTHERLANDS

Show your support by following MOTHERLANDS on Instagram.

Connect with our host, Keely Semler, MPH, CD or visit her website.

If you happen to know someone that works with a brand or company that shares a similar ethos of providing deeper and more comprehensive care to women and mothers and who might be open to supporting the MOTHERLANDS Podcast, we would love to chat. You can email hello@keelysemler.com.