The Empowering Parents Podcast - Child Behavior Help The Total Transformation Way (Kimball Lewis)

When we hold our kids accountable, they learn to take responsibility for their actions. They also learn to think before they act. Here's how to create a culture of accountability in your home starting today.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is part 4 of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James begins to discuss in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors.

Do you have an ODD child or teen who constantly argues and fights your authority, refusing to follow the rules of your home? When the number for their school shows up on your caller ID, do you cringe in fear of what trouble they’re in now? Believe it or not, some definite strengths go hand-in-hand with that challenging ODD personality. We will show you how to see your child through a different lens, including stories of ODD kids with whom we’ve worked.

If you have siblings in your household, there is a good chance that they don't always get along. Some sibling rivalry is normal, but when it gets out of control you need to put a stop to it. Learn how to help your kids cope with rivalry and jealousy.

James discusses in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors. He explains the fallacy of victimhood, injustice, uniqueness, and what he calls one-way boundaries.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is part 2 of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James discusses the issues of self-esteem, learning disabilities, and other special challenges that are often used to excuse abusive and obnoxious behaviors in our kids.

What causes bad child behavior? James Lehman says it happens because children don’t yet know how to solve problems effectively. To put it another way, they act out as an attempt to handle life’s problems. And they continue to act out, frankly, because it’s working for them. This episode discusses how understanding this will help you to improve your child's behavior.

A few months ago, we asked Empowering Parents readers to share how they respond when their child acts out. There were three parenting styles that readers consistently told us they were using and weren’t working the way they would like. The common denominator?  All three undermine your authority as a parent.  

On this week's episode we're talking about a difficult subject that is sadly becoming more prevalent: when kids and teens' behavior crosses the line and becomes abusive. Learn the warning signs and responses to parental abuse with tips from Kim Abraham and Marney Studaker-Cordner, co-creators of The ODD Lifeline Program and Life Over The Influence.

As soon as you knew you were having children, you probably began to dream about who they were going to be. But then reality sets in and you end up with a child that is different from what you expected. Understanding and accepting this is one of the keys to effective parenting and managing behavior.

Responding to your child’s rage with your own anger is not effective. Instead, you need to have what I call a rage plan so that you know exactly how you will handle the next outburst or temper tantrum. Here's how to set up a rage plan that puts you in control of yourself and the situation.

James Lehman discusses and gives you insights about the following characteristics of kids with defiant behaviors: dishonesty, misinformation, false apologies, and other behaviors.

Is your child forgetful, irresponsible, moody and prone to daydreaming? Does he seem to lack motivation and become easily bored? This behavior could be related to SCT, or "Sluggish Cognitive Tempo Disorder." This new way of looking at certain ADHD-like symptoms in kids has been generating quite a bit of controversial buzz in the media lately. Listen for 4 ways to help your child focus.

Do your kids make you feel like an ogre when you set limits? Does the word “no” kick off whining, yelling and protests?It can be hard to know if the limits you set are reasonable or not. On top of that, how do you know that the limits you set even work? Whether you’re just beginning to set limits, or you’re adjusting your limits to match your child’s unique needs and developmental changes, it doesn’t hurt to have a little help.

One of the real tragedies of dealing with behaviorally disordered children is when you see everybody blaming each other. The parent blames the teacher, the teacher blames the parent, the child blames both the teacher and the parents, and it goes on and on. I’ve seen many parents get stuck in battles that don’t help their children.

The morning routine is tough on a lot of families. If you’re struggling to get your kids off to school each day, you are not alone. At Empowering Parents, we hear this every day from parents just like you. Morning arguments, battles of will, and power struggles happen for families every day. The good news is that you can turn your mornings around. And although your kids may not thank you for it, everyone will benefit.

If your defiant or acting-out child has low self-esteem, this podcast is for you. Empowering Parents breaks down many of the myths of the self-esteem movement and gives you practical advice on the best way to improve your child's behavior and their self-esteem.

If your child is unmotivated you need to know that yelling and fighting won't solve the problem. If you’re yelling and fighting over these issues, you’re giving your child more power in the struggle, and you don’t want to do that. In this week's podcast, we discuss what parents can do instead.

If you’re struggling with disrespectful behavior from your kids then this week's podcast is for you.

As parents, we know the importance of parenting from our principles, things like teaching our children to own up to their actions and face the fallout when they make poor choices. And you’ve tried. You’ve talked to your child over and over, you’ve explained your reasoning repeatedly. You’ve given them restrictions, taken things away and grounded them for a month. Yet nothing seems to be getting through. It could be time to look at the difference between punishing your child and using consequences.

Many parents who use the Empowering Parents coaching service complain about their kids’ rooms being so messy they can’t walk through them. In this week's podcast, Kimball shares four tips to help you get your kids to clean their room by themselves. We especially love this episode because it shows you how to apply our Total Transformation Program approach to a specific problem.

When we think of peer pressure, we typically have a picture in our minds of a kid handing another kid a cigarette, a joint, or a beer and saying something like, “Come on, just try it.” But at times, peer pressure can be felt without a single word being spoken.This week we're talking about five of the top peer pressure situations, with ways you can help your child or teen handle them.

You usually can’t end an argument—or make a child do something—by trying to make them understand and agree with you. The fact is, most of the time they don’t understand you. They’re going to see things differently. Children and adults have different perspectives. Parents can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make a child accept their logic. And it’s just not going to happen. Includes special bonus message from James Lehman.

Kids learn at a very early age that if they get angry and act out—or threaten to do so—the people around them will give in. In effect, they’ve learned how to blackmail their parents to give them what they want. A child who uses anger with an angle looks like they’re losing control. But in reality, they’re using anger to gain control of their parents and the situation. The anger gets them what they want, whether it’s a candy bar at the store or avoiding homework and chores at home.

Verbal abuse and intimidation by children and teens isn’t just a phase that goes away—it doesn’t just happen. It often has deep roots that begin early in a child’s development. And it often begins as a way for kids to try to get power through controlling their parents.

Why can’t your kid just follow one simple direction? It’s annoying, right? It’s not like you’re asking them to do something complicated. What you ask is really quite simple:  Fold your laundry. Walk the dog. Take the trash out. Clean your room. So why do you have to say the same thing fourteen times, with your voice and your blood pressure rising every time? On today's podcast: Ask Once and Your Kid Does It: 5 Ways to Make It Happen, by Megan Devine.

You can’t punish your child into better behavior. Forget about over-the-top punishments or ineffective rules because you’ll just end up in a power struggle. Here's what you can do instead.

What is at the heart of most helicopter parenting? Anxiety—about our kids’ safety, happiness, and ability to navigate in the world. Many of us spend a large percentage of our time second guessing every move we make as parents. Our minds cause us to project our worst fears onto them – we love them so much and we want to protect them from any harm. Learn how you can stop worrying and avoid helicopter parenting with these 6 tips from Debbie Pincus, author of The Calm Parent: AM & PM

Every parent’s goal should be to teach and coach their child to better behavior. And the most effective way to change your child’s behavior—and assert your parental authority—is through clear and consistent consequences that are tied to that behavior. Learn more on how to do that in this episode of The Empowering Parents Podcast.

Parents who don’t have effective parenting skills will often use aggression as a substitute. When you use aggression as a parenting style, it often solves your short term problem of controlling children. Aggressive parents can get the compliance they are looking for, at least initially. But it comes at a cost. In this podcast, we discuss why aggressive parenting doesn't work and what you can do instead.

Is your child’s answer to everything, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter?” Parents often think that if they can find a new way to encourage their child, he or she will magically start achieving more. I don’t think it’s like that at all. I think the problem is that these kids are motivated to resist, to withdraw, and to underperform. They act out by acting in. Here's what you can do as a parent if you find yourself in this situation.

What do you do when your morning routine just isn’t working? On today’s podcast, we’ll help you get back on track for the school year with 6 Ways to Fix Your Morning Routine, by Megan Devine.

How would you stay alive if you had to hunt and grow your own food, search for fresh sources of water and live without electricity, using only your wits and skills? The truth is most kids don’t possess those extraordinary life skills, let alone the mundane ones we all need to make it in the real world—like balancing the checkbook.

Threats and abuse from your own child are frightening, disturbing, and heartbreaking all at the same time. Parents need to have a systematic way of dealing with threats and abuse so that they don’t simply move from crisis to crisis with their child. Here's what you can do as a parent.

Many parents are at a loss for what to do with their older children during the summer months – they may get the summer off, but you probably don’t. That leaves a whole chunk of time to fill each day. How do you know if your child is responsible enough to be left home alone? What if you know he isn’t, but he won’t stop begging to be in charge of his own schedule this summer?

If your kids are like most, they are masterful at finding creative ways to wear you down to get their way. You might think, “My child is just too smart for his own good!” Listen for some great tips on how to deal with a manipulative child.

James Lehman continues to discuss characteristics of kids with abusive and defiant behaviors. In this episode he discusses concrete transactions, pride in negativity, anger with an angle, one-way training, and other concepts. There's so much to learn in this episode.

Consequences are a key component of improving your child's behavior, but you need to know how to design and use them effectively. In this week's episode, Kimball shares 14 tips to ensure that your consequences are effective.

When you’re out in public places with your kids, it can feel like your every move is on display. It’s like theater, where everyone is a critic. For Empowering Parents Contibuting Editor Jennie Wallace, her family took center stage this past weekend.

It’s incredibly frustrating to deal with a child who refuses to take care of himself or herself—a child with bad hygiene. They look bad, and we often see it as a poor reflection of our parenting. In this week's podcast, Kimball talks about what you can do as a parent if you are struggling with this difficult and awkward issue.

You hear that you should let your child face natural consequences, but what exactly does this mean? Many parents struggle with this concept because they don’t fully understand what constitutes a “natural” consequence. And sometimes parents have difficulty relinquishing control because they feel they always have to get their child to obey.

You put in the work: you raised your child, got them through school, and prepared them as best you could for living on their own as an adult. You were really looking forward to having the house to yourselves again. Finally, a little peace and quiet! Then, you find out your adult child has decided to live at home. Now what? Learn new ground rules for how to manage this situation on today's podcast.

Sometimes you have to let your child fail. Parents often do their kids a disservice when they protect them from natural consequences when they take over for their kids to ensure that their kids don’t fail. While it’s natural for parents to worry about failure, there are times when it can be productive for kids—and a chance for kids to change for the better.

Kids thrive on the connection they have with their parents, and this includes the reaction they get from constant complaining and negativity. Here's what you can do if you're the parent of a complaining child or teen.

If you find yourself doing everything for your child, you may be engaging in what I refer to as martyr parenting. Without even realizing it, well-meaning parents can turn into martyrs for their kids. If this is you, you must learn to step back. You must learn to stop being the martyr so that your child learns to face consequences and overcome hardships. Here's how.

When your child has made really bad choices it is devastating and feelings of guilt and grief are normal and okay. This episode offers heartfelt advice on how to cope with these difficult situations.

Sometimes us parents don’t think we’re anxious because we’re not trembling in our boots. There’s often no visible signs of how anxious we are. Yet when we look inside our heads, we notice that we spend a lot of time thinking about our kids—sometimes scary thoughts about things that haven’t even happened. On today's podcast, learn 5 ways you can relieve parental anxiety.

Sometimes disrespect comes along with adolescence; other times a child may show disrespectful behavior from an early age. Either way, it’s a behavior that can push any parent’s emotional buttons! Learn how you can respond with these 5 techniques, from the authors of The ODD Lifeline program.

On today’s podcast we’ll be going over 4 constructive steps you can use to change your child’s behavior. To download our free Goal Worksheets, go here: www.empoweringparents.com/4-steps-change-child-behavior.php

Kids often use violence to deal with frustration, disappointment, and anger. It’s how they solve these problems. And it’s how they gain power in the home. Here's what you can do when your child or teen gets violent.

When we do too much for our kids—when we over-function for them—we rob them of the skills and practice necessary to develop competence and mastery in life. Instead of learning life skills, they learn helplessness. Here's what you can do instead.

Clamming up or exploding are both ways your teenagers attempt to manage their stress and defend themselves. In fact, these may be the only ways your teen knows how to communicate when things get intense—which of course only causes more conflict. Here are 5 secrets we've found to be helpful for communicating with kids through the difficult adolescent years.

Do you have an ODD child or teen who constantly argues and fights your authority, refusing to follow the rules of your home?Believe it or not, there are definite strengths that go hand-in-hand with that challenging, ODD personality. This week, we’re going to show you how to see your child through a different lens,with stories of ODD kids who have worked with Kimberly Abraham and Marney Studaker-Cordner, the authors of The ODD Lifeline program.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is part 5 of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James continues to discuss in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors.

We don’t always like our kids. It’s a truth we don’t often admit, even to ourselves. It’s important to accept the fact that you won’t always like your kids—and they won’t always like you. This is especially hard for parents of difficult, acting out kids to deal with. But the fact is, you’re on your way to less guilt and a better relationship with your child when you can acknowledge your feelings.

Tired of arguing and debating the household rules with your child? Here's a tip: explain yourself once and move on. You usually can’t end an argument—or make a child do something—by trying to make them understand and agree with you. Parents can spend a lot of time and energy trying to make a child accept their logic. And it’s just not going to happen.

This week, Kimball responds to a question from one of the parents we work with at Empowering Parents, who asks, "is the consequence we gave our child too harsh?" Also in this episode is a special message from James Lehman in The Total Transformation Program.

For many parents, the peace of a child-free home is short-lived, if it even happens at all. At EmpoweringParents.com, we hear from many parents whose children either never left home or returned after a brief experiment with the adult world. This podcast discusses setting up a living agreement with your adult child living at home.

Every parent’s goal should be to teach and coach their child to better behavior. And the most effective way to change your child’s behavior—and assert your parental authority—is through clear and consistent consequences that are tied to that behavior.

Punching holes in the wall. Breaking and throwing things. Smashing your car’s windshield. Most of us never expect to face these behaviors from our children, but it happens all too often with defiant children.

Even before you become a parent, you start forming ideas about how you’ll raise your child. You get advice about it from all sides—your own parents and family, your friends, and books by so-called experts tell you “the rules” of good parenting. But most people soon find out that some of these techniques are simply fads—and many of them don’t work at all.

Blaming yourself for your child's behavior makes you feel terrible, and it doesn't help your child. A better approach is to focus on holding your child accountable. Here's how.

A round-up of our top 8 parenting tips. Plus, a Total Transformation tip from James Lehman. Don't miss this one!

Some kids act out by giving us the silent treatment. The silent treatment gives your child a feeling of power and control over you, and it’s how they push your buttons and get you to leave them alone. To us parents, it can be frustrating and hurtful. And for kids, it's a destructive way to learn to manage relationships. Here's what you can do as a parent if your child is giving you the silent treatment.

Even as adults, managing our anger can be hard, and we’ve had years of practice. For our children, who are just learning about their emotions, keeping their anger in check can be especially difficult. As parents, we can help by teaching our children to recognize what sets them off so that they too can keep their anger in check. On today's podcast, learn 8 Steps to Anger Management for Kids.

What can you do when your child just refuses to get up and go to school? You’ve yelled, nagged, pleaded and even tried bribing her, but she just digs her heels in and says, “Nope, not going, no matter what you do.” Maybe this has never happened to you—or maybe it happens every day. On this week's podcast, learn exactly what you can and can't control as a parent.

While it’s common to fall into the trap of feeling guilty, your guilt won’t get you—or your child—anywhere. Understand that when you blame yourself, you’re taking responsibility for your child’s behavior instead of holding them accountable for their behavior.

Has your child been caught stealing from you or someone else? Have you found them using your credit card for online gaming, taking money from your wallet without asking, or even taking big-ticket items from your house? If so, this is the episode for you. ADDED BONUS: listen to a sample of The Total Transformation Program with James Lehman.

As parents, we want to give our children what makes them happy; we don’t want them to feel left out or get teased because their boots, phone, or brand name hoodie is last year’s model. And when we’re unable (or even when we’re unwilling) to buy the “latest and greatest,” we often feel terribly guilty. To avoid those feelings of guilt, here are 8 questions to ask yourself before buying anything.

Parenting is hard. Parenting a difficult child is especially hard, and it's devastating to watch your child make bad decisions and head down the wrong path. In this episode, we address the heartbreaking and understandable question that many parents ask us: "Will my kid be messed up forever?"

How can you stop all the over-negotiating and over-explaining as a parent and get your child to accept ‘no’ for an answer? Try these seven practical tips.

Does your child always insist that they’re right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room—regardless of whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior can be very annoying and frustrating for both parents and family members alike.

When you look at kids and people in general, it’s easy to see that we all have differences in our “wiring;” in how our brains work. As a parent, you see these differences between your children every day. On today’s podcast, child psychologist and author of The Total Focus program, Dr. Robert Myers, writes 6 Brain-Training Exercises For Children and Teens.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle.

Parents face many challenges. And as we all find out, there are many, many challenges that we never expected or knew about before having children! In this podcast, we offer advice on dealing with five of the most difficult.

Anger is a normal emotion in kids and adults alike. But how we express and deal with our feelings of anger is the difference between living in relative peace and feeling like we are at our wits’ end. Here are 10 essential rules for handling an angry child.

The truth is, from the very beginning being a mother is a balance of taking care of your kids while letting them grow up and learn from their mistakes. Your role of simply loving and protecting your baby from pain and discomfort changes to one of accepting that your child or teen will need to experience natural consequences for his or her actions. The hard part (for them and for us!) is that these consequences almost always include some discomfort, disappointment or pain.

Does your child mock or make fun of you? Mocking, imitating, and laughing at parents can be harmless fun, but it can also become an annoying behavior that undermines your authority. Here's what you can do as a parent.

Do you tiptoe around your child out of fear they will act out? Do you walk on eggshells hoping your child doesn't explode and start another screaming fight. Kids who act out want their parents to tiptoe around them — it's how kids control their parents. To the child, it's "leave me alone or else." Or, "give me what I want or else." It's a form of manipulation kids use when they don't yet possess more appropriate problem-solving skills. Here's what you can do as a parent.

Parents, are you tired of the constant power struggles between you and your kids? Does it feel like every conversation turns into an argument? On today's podcast, Kimball Lewis, CEO of Empowering Parents provides insight on how to stop arguing with your child. Get the help you need and start forming that better parent-child relationship today

Jerry Sandusky. Michael Jackson. Mary Kay Letourneau. All of these individuals were accused and/or convicted of committing unspeakable crimes against children. While certainly upsetting, these high profile cases are a good opportunity to spark a conversation with your kids about staying safe, as parents are the first and most powerful line of defense against predators.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is part 3 of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James discusses the important concept of the "good enough" parent.

Eye rolling, curses, insults, backtalk, name-calling, ignored requests, snide comments: disrespect from your child or teen comes in many different forms. In today's episode, Kimball Lewis, CEO of EmpoweringParents.com, talks about what to do (and not to do) when your child is being disrespectful. Special bonus: Listen to James Lehman talk about disrespect in The Total Transformation® program.

When your child lies to you, it stirs up a potent mix of emotions. You might feel angry, hurt, and offended all at once. Lying is extremely upsetting for parents because it shakes the foundation of trust we have in our child. In this episode of The Empowering Parents Podcast, Kimball explains how to talk to your child about lying. Also included in this episode is a clip from The Total Transformation Program where James Lehman discusses the issue of lying.

Does it seem like every time you tell your child “No,” it turns into a tug-of-war? Many parents find themselves in a negotiation with their children when they are met with any kind of resistance. On today's podcast, 5 tips to help you avoid over-negotiating with your child.

Parents who are going through a separation or divorce, or have already been through one, should be aware of the issues it may cause with their child’s behavior. Their child may withdraw. They may have frequent angry outbursts. Schoolwork may suffer. And teens, especially, may begin to take part in risky behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use. Understanding these problems and having effective tools to deal with them are crucial for parents. In this episode, listen to James Lehman talk about divorce and your child's behavior.

Here are eight practical steps you can take today to manage your acting-out kids.

Have you ever wondered what’s going on inside of your teenager’s head? What was she thinking when she made that choice? Why won’t he listen to what I’m telling him? It can seem as if an adolescent is completely wrapped up in a separate world, feet planted firmly in the air instead of on the ground. As parents, we often come away bewildered or frustrated when our teen’s perspective seems so utterly different from our own.

Does your child ignore every consequence you give him? In this episode, we discuss 10 specific ways to make consequences work—even for the most resistant child.

This week we spoke with Dr. Maria Gilmour about a wide range of parenting topics. Dr. Gilmour is a parent educator and board-certified behavior analyst who has been working with families and schools for the past 20 years to help parents bring their home life back to the loving basics. She is the author of the recently published book, "Seven Superpowers: How Parents Can Shift from Punishment and Control to Comfort and Success!" She also serves as CEO of Wynne Solutions which provides families with tools to help address behavior challenges.

You are your child’s authority—that’s your role and responsibility. Do you have an emotional relationship with your child? Yes. But if you try to be friends with your child, it comes at the cost of your authority, and it undermines your role as a parent. Learn more about this important topic in today's podcast.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is the 7th and final segment of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James continues to discuss in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors.

What causes bad child behavior? James Lehman says it happens because children don’t yet know how to solve problems effectively. To put it another way, they're trying to handle many of the situations that life throws at them by acting out. On today's podcast, 5 tips to help you cope with bad child behavior.

Consequences are important, but you need to know how to use them effectively. Kimball shares tips for listeners.

We all know that kids can act in many disrespectful and rude ways to parents: they can slam doors, roll their eyes, and tell you they hate you, to name a few. It’s natural to get very worried and frustrated and wonder if these types of behaviors constitute out-and-out abuse, or just “rudeness and mild disrespect.” How can a parent know when these rebellious and rude behaviors have crossed over a boundary and gone way too far?

Parenting is one job that never takes a holiday vacation. As families are celebrating holidays, parents are also coping with sibling bickering, backtalk, temper tantrums, and power struggles. Use these 8 Parenting Tips to help you prepare for the New Year.

A major cause of behavior problems is the inability of a child to handle life’s basic problems. So how do our kids acquire these essential life skills? Here's what you can do if you are dealing with today's smart but helpless kids.

Listen to James Lehman discuss the real reasons for abusive, obnoxious, and defiant behaviors in your child. This is part 6 of our free preview of Lesson 1 of The Total Transformation Program. In this episode, James continues to discuss in-depth the characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behaviors.

Guilt and parenthood seem to go together. Maybe you lost control and screamed at your child today. Perhaps you blame yourself for your child's behavior. But know that no parent is perfect—and that's okay. Forgive yourself today for these six parenting mistakes and move forward with a fresh perspective.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done. Here's what you can do as a parent.