The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast (Kate Anthony, CPCC)

Mary Ann Hughes is the proud mother of two sons on opposite ends of the autism spectrum. Today she joins me for a conversation about going through a divorce when you have children with special needs. During her divorce, Mary Ann successfully advocated for her children’s needs. As a result, she started Special Family Transitions to help families navigate the overwhelm and complexities of special needs divorce to get the best possible outcome, with as little time, money, and stress as possible. Today, she joins me for a conversation about navigating divorce in the midst of parenting (and eventually co-parenting) children with disabilities. Combining her experience and certifications as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, member of the National Association of Divorce Professionals, MBA, and years of special needs advocacy, Mary Ann is committed to supporting families with children with disabilities as a valued special needs divorce coach and consultant. Show Highlights Transitions can be hard for neurodivergent children – Mary Ann shares how parents approach the decision-making process of divorce The impact of divorce on children with disabilities How to co-parent with kids with special needs when a parent is not engaged or doesn’t prioritize the children How and why you may want to set up a trust for your children What you need to know about divorce when you have kids on the spectrum Learn more about Mary Ann Hughes: As a mom of two boys on the autism spectrum who unexpectedly faced divorce after 21 years of marriage, Mary Ann Hughes had to learn how to navigate the complexities of special needs divorce, to effectively advocate for her children’s needs and get a great result for her family in my divorce. Mary Ann formed Special Family Transitions and became a Special Needs Divorce Coach and Consultant so other moms of children with disabilities wouldn’t have to spend the time, money, and emotional energy she did when faced with divorce. Mary Ann is on a mission to help mothers gain the confidence, skills and knowledge to successfully overcome the overwhelm and challenges of special needs divorce, to achieve the best possible result for their family. Mary Ann combines her experiences as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Transition and Recovery Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, Certified Life Coach, member of National Association of Divorce Professionals and NADP Special Needs Chapter, LoneStar LEND Leadership Education in Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disabilities Fellow, MBA with a successful career in Fortune 100 companies (pre-kids), and years of special needs training and advocacy, to help her clients effectively advocate for themselves and their children in special needs divorce. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we’re talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She’s the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine’s work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that.  Seriously. Elaine’s work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from ‘fix-it’ mode to ‘understanding’. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six.  Resources & Links: Elaine’s website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn’t Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week’s podcast topic is trauma bonding and shame. My guest, Dr. Nadine Macaluso, has an incredible story to share. Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two children. So yeah, she knows a thing or two about love-bombing and trauma bonds. While openly sharing her story, she also gets underneath how trauma bonding happens to the best of us. Show Highlights The relationship between attachment trauma and shame. (4:11) We're not responsible for what was done to us as vulnerable children, yet as adults, it is our responsibility to do what we can to begin to heal. (7:23) A clear and concise definition of a trauma bond. (8:25) Nadine shares her experience with love-bombing and trauma bonds with her famed ex-husband “Wolf of Wall Street,” Jordan Belfort (9:44) The design of love bombing is to keep you completely off balance - it is a destabilization technique. (12:04) “My ex-husband took all of my beautiful qualities of loyalty, compassion, trustworthiness, belief in relationships, empathy, and used them against me.” (18:13) Trust your inner voice. Don't drive past the red flags. (27:14) Healing from attachment trauma, and practicing self-compassion. (29:45) “For some reason, I had children with this man. I have to honor that. And take care of their souls first.” (34:24) Honoring your truth and also acknowledging that your ex can still be a good co-parent. (37:23)   Learn More About Dr. Nae: Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She received her master’s in Counseling Psychology and doctorate in Depth Psychology with an emphasis on Somatic Psychotherapy from Pacifica Graduate Institute in California. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two beautiful children, Carter and Chandler. Nadine has been happily remarried for 20 years; she and her husband John share a blended family of five children and two dogs, splitting their time between New York and Florida. When she’s not working with patients or writing about trauma, Nadine spends her time reading, researching, listening to podcasts, going for walks and connecting with her loved ones. Resources & Links:Show notes and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/no-more-trauma-bonding-with-nadine-macaluso No More Trauma Bonding: A Therapist's Guide to Healing from Traumatic Love Dr. Nae on Facebook Dr. Nae on Instagram Dr. Nae on Twitter Dr. Nae on YouTube Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, Sandra L. Brown Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program) TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I received an email not too long ago from a reader who asked: I cheated on my husband. It wasn't a one-time thing, but it's over now. I'm wracked with guilt, but I also know that if I tell my husband, it will destroy him. But I also feel like I should be honest and like I'm keeping a terrible secret, even though I actually feel closer to him now than ever. What should I do? This is certainly a complicated issue many of us have faced. There's a spark of attraction with someone new. Things haven't been quite "right" in your marriage for a long time, and you get swept away in a moment. Or two, or three... Now you're left with the question: should you tell your husband? Here's my take on this, shared by the always awesome Dan Savage, and I'll warn you, it's a bit controversial, and not a perspective shared by everyone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Mom, did Dad cheat on you?” If and when your child comes to you with questions about why you and your ex are divorcing, do you know how you plan to respond?   This week, Christina McGhee joins me to talk about how to walk the line between not gaslighting your children versus not throwing a co-parent under the bus or telling children truths that might be too hard for them to hear. In this episode, you’ll hear practical strategies for maneuvering this complex situation. This is an important episode for any parent going through a divorce or experiencing hardships in their relationship. As you listen, please remember to allow yourself grace as you walk this difficult journey with your kids.  Featured topics include: How to communicate with kids about the ‘whys’ around the ending of your marriage (4:55) A reminder that you do not need to give a full accounting of your marital issues (13:20) Meet your kids where they’re at, and focus on their feelings. (14:08) You don’t need all of the answers in order to have a conversation with your children. (20:58) Think before you speak and consider: Do you need to share certain information because your child should hear it or because you feel the need to tell it? (23:02) How to respond when your child says their co-parent is not emotionally available to have a conversation or listen to them, and how to help your kids learn to cope. (25:28) Learn more about Christina McGhee:  Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. While splitting up is undeniably hard, Christina believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. She feels with the right kind of information and support, parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change.  Throughout her career, she has educated both parents and professionals on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children. In her book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids, Christina offers parents useful strategies for dealing with the “real-life” everyday challenges of coparenting.  One of her core beliefs is that divorce doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a parent going through a bad time. Because she is passionate about helping parents get through that bad time, Christina also maintains an active coaching practice that allows her to work with Moms and Dads all over the world. Most recently, Christina launched an online program, Coparenting with Purpose. Designed to provide moms and dads with an easy, convenient way to access critical information, it’s filled with practical tools and solutions for managing the most common coparenting problems. Additionally, she has contributed to several other media projects as a featured expert, a content consultant, and a writer/producer. Currently, she serves as a consulting producer and subject matter expert for the documentaries SPLIT: A film for kids and their parents and Split UP: The Teen Years, two compelling films that let kids know they’re not alone and normalize the many feelings and experiences children and teens encounter when parents part. Married for over twenty-seven years, Christina and her husband live outside of Houston, Texas. As a mom of four (two bonus and two bio) children, she has acquired extensive on-the-job training as a chauffeur, negotiator, short-order cook, scheduler extraordinaire, and finder of all things lost. To find out more, check her out at divorceandchildren.com Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-211-talking-honestly-with-your-kids-about-their-other-parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we are covering all things domestic violence, law enforcement, and the court. Joining me is Kelli Blackburn, a San-Diego County based attorney specializing in high-conflict domestic violence, child custody, and divorce. Together we talk about domestic violence and the legal implications and give a full explanation of what domestic violence is and how it can intertwine with welfare services. We also explore the underlying litigation that may or may not come from a domestic violence case.   Kelli shares in detail what to do if or when you find yourself in a domestic abuse situation - including how to navigate a restraining order. If you're experiencing any kind of domestic violence, please listen to my conversation with Kelli Blackburn. Show Highlights How to best educate yourself about domestic violence if you are currently experiencing it. (3:19) Clarifying what domestic violence is and what it encompasses. (3:43) Obtaining a temporary restraining order: everything you need to know. (7:35) How to know it is time to call a shelter and/or get out of a situation immediately. (27:32) Things to be aware of when you do leave, seek help, or go to the police, especially if children are involved. (26:17) The purpose of an emergency protective order and who can issue one. (36:05) What you need to know when law enforcement responds to a domestic violence call. (36:54) Victims don’t decide to prosecute or not prosecute. That is the role of the district attorney. (40:02) Why it’s important for victims to have attorneys who are professionals in domestic violence. (43:07) Know your audience: be aware that not every audience member of the family court will understand your action or inaction in a domestic violence case. (50:47) Learn more about Kelli: Kelli Blackburn is San-Diego County based attorney specializing in high-conflict domestic violence, child custody, and divorce. She was born in Northern California, but has been a Southern California resident for over a decade. She attended California Western School of Law, in downtown San Diego where she earned her Juris Doctorate. Throughout law school Kelli interned with the San Diego County Public Defender’s office where she gained invaluable litigation experience. After graduating from law school, she ran a boutique law firm in La Jolla, California, where she became the main litigator and the Managing Partner in just 2 years.  In the last 2.5 years, Kelli has represented over 1,000 clients and handled numerous criminal defense, and family law matters. She has also defended and prosecuted several Civil Harassment Restraining Orders. Kelli prides herself on her work ethic, tireless dedication to her clients – always working to achieve their objectives; her unwavering loyalty to resolution of their legal issues; and her paramount focus on the result of your case and your future.  She has been recognized by both the American Academy of Attorneys Top 40 Under 40, and The National Trial Association Top 40 Under 40, for her success, results, and experience.  Resources & Links:Show notes and links may also be accessed at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/domestic-violence-and-the-law-with-kelli-blackburn Kelli's website National Domestic Violence Hotline TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It’s because it matters and it’s all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women’s empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it’s important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life.  Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony’s program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zawn Villines returns to the show this week. Together we explore how men use the family court system to continue to abuse women. Zawn shares the harrowing story of Caroline Youseff Kassenoff, who experienced post-separation abuse in its most extreme form and who the family court system failed horribly. We discussed Kayden’s Law, double standards around mental health and infidelity, and how to quietly quit your marriage if you simply can’t leave. Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism and limits women's lives and futures.  Featured topics include: DARVO and how it plays into coercive control and post-separation abuse within family courts (15:48) The double standard around mental health and infidelity between men and women (19:57( Why men must hear, “Being an extraordinary husband gets you an extraordinary wife. It gets you a better life.” (31:40) “Marriage is a huge and dangerous gamble that is not worth undertaking for most women.” (35:11) Quiet quitting: If you can’t leave, how can you still make a meaningful life? (35:35) Kids know what is happening and eventually discover the truth - there often is justice down the line. (50:20) Learn more about Zawn Villines: Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities.   Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy.   Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization.  She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood and end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-220-post-separation-abuse-and-the-failure-of-the-family-court-system-with-zawn-villines/ Zawn’s website Zawn on Facebook Zawn on Instagram Subscribe to Zawn’s newsletter!988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline‘Do not let my demise be in vain,’ Jess Taylor  TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lora Cheadle has overcome the devastation of betrayal after learning about her husband’s fifteen-year-long infidelity. In this episode, she joins me to share her story including how she helps women reclaim their identity, self-worth, agency, and enthusiasm for life after betrayal.  Lora is a former attorney, podcast host, TEDx speaker, and award-winning author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self. This is definitely a must-listen episode, not only to hear about how Lora overcame her heartbreak but also for an amazing plot twist to her story! It’s an inspiring conversation.  Featured topics include: Lora recollects her story of betrayal and how she was able to finally understand she didn’t cause it or deserve it. (2:33) As her relationship was cracking, Lora shares how she had to stand in integrity and still show up as a parent to her children. (16:35) It’s not your job to deal with a partner’s trauma, however, it is important to understand what trauma does to a person and how it can cause them to react and relate. (18:39) It’s not what you try to do to heal them, it’s what they do. (21:00) The importance of disclosures in affair recovery. (22:26) The only person that gets to say when trust is restored is the person who was betrayed. (26:21) Ask yourself these questions: “Who am I and what do I want? What do I deserve? What am I not going to tolerate anymore?” (27:25) The acronym FLAUNT: Find your fetish, laugh out loud, accept unconditionally, navigate, and trust in your truths. (29:54) Learn more about Lora Cheadle: An attorney, TEDx speaker, and betrayal recovery coach, Lora Cheadle helps women overcome the devastation of betrayal and confidently engage in life again. After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, she uses her experience to help others reclaim their identity, self-worth, agency, and enthusiasm for life after betrayal, whether that betrayal is from their body, life, or someone that they love. Lora is the creator of the Life Choreography® betrayal-recovery process and leads both FLAUNT! and Step into Your Moxie® workshops and training that help participants reclaim their identity, own their worth, and speak up for what they want.  She is the author of the award-winning book, "FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy and Spiritual Self" and has written for Elephant Journal, Om Yoga Journal, Yoga Magazine, Thrive Global, Aspire Magazine, and The Girlfriend. Named an Exceptional Woman of Excellence by the Women Economic Forum in India in 2019, she was the plenary speaker on "Reclaiming Voice With Validation" as well as a breakout workshop leader and presenter. She has spoken at DisruptHR, for IPMA-HR, SHRM, Alexia Vernon Empowerment, SecondAct Woman, American Association of Healers, Optimist and Rotary International. She is the host of the top-rated radio show and podcast, “FLAUNT! Find Your Sparkle and Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.” Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/life-after-betrayal-with-lora-cheadle/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationship coach and author Bryan Reeves joins me this week to discuss relationships, personal growth, and societal constructs. Bryan’s journey from military service to relationship coaching reveals insights into the power and necessity of connecting with emotions, especially for men.  Many of Bryan’s insights are drawn from his work with couples and his book, “Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her,” focusing on choosing connection over disconnection, confronting one’s fears, and the transformative power of love and accountability in relationships. Bryan’s work is incredibly important. Please listen to what’s possible in the world of relationships. This is truly an insightful conversation! Featured topics: Most men come to relationship work when they realize they have no choice… (3:01) How culture teaches men to suppress emotions and the journey from disconnection to real connection with feelings and others (5:17) Bryan talks about what he means when he says he teaches men “to care and not care simultaneously.” (20:00) Creating safety in relationship with women and taking responsibility (38:51) Encouraging men’s engagement in personal growth (48:12) Learn more about Bryan Reeves: A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach with a current focus on supporting men to have better lives and relationships. His viral blog has been read by over 50 million people in every country on the planet (except North Korea). He’s the co-founder of “Elevate Your Relationship,” a live coaching program for men ready to elevate their relationship game, which currently serves men in 10 countries. He’s co-host of the popular podcast, “Men, This Way,” and his newest book, Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her), is available on Audible, Amazon and other retailers. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” – audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Bryan’s website Bryan’s book: Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) Women Who Run With Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes -------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everyone, I am away this week, taking a short summer break. While I am away, I am re-airing one of my most downloaded and popular episodes. And don’t worry, I will be back with a brand new episode in a couple of weeks. ======== This episode features guest Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA. In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all:  Should I Stay or Should I Go In the course of this conversation we cover:  Quentin's 6 non-negotiables in a relationship and what they should really mean for you. Quentin's view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages—and if they're actually good enough reasons to leave. My view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages and—if they're actually good enough reason to leave. Why the fact that 68% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail really matters to the choice ahead of you right now. Why 69% of marriages are ended by women, and what men can do to not be a casualty of that. And MUCH more!! ******************* Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist. He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before. If you’re struggling with: – A marriage on shaky ground and you can’t seem to stop fighting. – Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner. – Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut. – Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship. As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams. Website Facebook Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it sex addiction, or is he just a cheater? Does the distinction even matter? That is just one of the topics I discuss in this episode with my guest, Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW (Dr. Rob). Dr. Rob is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, which provides online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. During our conversation, we delve into the differences between sex addiction and love addiction and discuss whether sex addiction is just a fancy name for cheating. We also explore coping with betrayal and how to move forward and restore trust as a couple. This episode provides a deep and informative conversation about sex addiction and cheating and provides insights for listeners who may be struggling with these issues in their own relationships. Featured topics include: The difference between sex addiction and love addiction (5:18) Is sex addiction just a fancy name for cheating? (15:09) Coping with betrayal: understanding betrayal trauma and ambivalent love (22:44) How to move forward and restore trust as a couple after betrayal (30:20) “There is nothing you have ever done that caused this to happen.” (38:42) Dr. Rob sounds off about codependence vs. prodependence (39:05) The impact on children when a parent cheats or is a sex addict, plus what to say or not to say to a child about their cheating/addicted parent (51:50) Learn more about Dr. Rob: Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, with clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia, and the US military. Dr. Weiss is an online host for Digital Addiction on A&E. He has served as a subject-matter expert for numerous major media outlets, including CNN, NPR, and The New York Times, among others. He is the author of eleven books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, “Love and Sex in the Digital Age,” has over 21 million reads, while his podcast, “Sex, Love, & Addiction,” has over 1.1 million downloads. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-209-sex-addiction-cheating-and-betrayal-with-dr-rob/  Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionGrit & Grace Coaching ProgramPrivate Coaching with Kate Dr. Rob’s website Dr. Rob on YouTube Dr. Rob on Twitter Dr. Rob on Facebook Dr. Rob on LinkedIn Sex, Love, and Addiction podcast A Light In the Dark (book) TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zawn Villines, feminist activist and writer, is back on the show! Together we tackle the offensive and ableist ways that neurodiversity is often used to excuse abusive behavior. Zawn makes it clear that being neurodivergent does not mean someone is inherently abusive. In fact, neurodivergent individuals are more often the victims rather than the perpetrators of abuse. In this episode, we dive into the myths around empathy deficits in autistic individuals and how patriarchy keeps these harmful misconceptions alive. Further, we explore how patriarchy weaponizes neurodivergence against women. This episode is packed with practical advice for women dealing with neurodivergent partners, focusing on finding fair and supportive ways to navigate relationships without sacrificing your well-being.  Featured topics: Neurodivergence is not a pass for getting out of household labor (5:12) Patriarchy and the weaponization of neurodivergence against women (15:22) What women can do when faced with a partner using neurodivergence as an excuse (40:05) You can accommodate a partner without sacrificing your life and well-being at the altar of their neurodivergence (41:53) Learn more about Zawn Villines: Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities. Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives, and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy. Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column, and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization. She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood, and to end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Zawn's Substack Newsletter Zawn's website Zawn on Instagram Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-285-weaponizing-neurodivergence-in-abusive-relationships-with-zawn-villines-neurodivergence-in-relationships/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Laura Friedman Williams was a happily married, stay-at-home mom of three children. She had plans to grow old with her husband. Then she discovered her husband was having an affair and found herself single after 27-years. Faced with the choice to consider her life over or reinvent herself, she chose the latter. Today, she shares her explosive story of sex and dating after divorce.  Laura is the author of Available: A Memoir of Sex & Dating After a Marriage Ends. In her book, and during our conversation, she shows that it is possible to be independent, a good mother, and have a great sex life all at the same time. Show Highlights Laura shares her story of her marriage ending - almost overnight. (10:49) When a marriage ends, “You think it’s one thing and it never turns out to be that simple.” (13:51) Laura was so focused on her children’s healing, she came to a sudden realization that she could not continue to be who she was for her kids without taking care of herself. So, five months after her marriage ended, Laura decided to begin dating again. (22:05) Laura shares her first experience with sex for the first time after divorce, “I don’t know how this is done. But I am going to make this happen.” (25:27) Sex should not be a subject that is taboo or shameful. (39:22) What dating looks like for Laura three years after her divorce and why commitment is not something she desires. (45:33) Advice for women who are just getting back into sex and dating following divorce. (51:07) Learn More About Laura: LFW is the author of Available, which was a #1 bestseller in books on Divorce on Amazon, and has been featured in The Daily Mail. She has also written pieces for Vogue UK and Best Magazine in the UK.  Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/sex-and-dating-after-divorce-with-laura-friedman-williams/ COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! A Memoir of Sex and Dating After a Marriage Ends Laura on Twitter Laura on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am so excited to introduce you to Cynthia Loy Darst. Cynthia is a Co-Active Coach, relationship worker and keynote speaker. She is also the author of the book, Meet Your Inside Team: How to Turn Internal Conflict into Clarity and Move Forward with Your Life. Cynthia holds a very special place in my heart. She was my first coach and mentor when I began my own coaching journey. The entire foundation for what I do today, I owe to her. Having her on my podcast is such a special treat. So do you ever have that inner voice that says, “Who the hell do you think you are?,” when you are about to make a massive change (like say... divorce)? It’s a nasty voice, one you don’t want to hear. Well in this episode Cynthia teaches us how to turn towards that inner voice ( which she calls the inner bully) and ask it, with compassion, “What do you need? What’s going on here?” She teaches us how to slow down our inner dialogue and start to find our way forward with kindness, clarity, and grace. In addition we talk about navigating myth change (moving from one phase of life to the next), transitioning relationships and grieving the disappointed dream. This week’s episode is definitely one that asks you to look inward and do the work to uncover the many aspects of yourself. Show Highlights The concept of her new book, Meet Your Inside Team and the importance of slowing down your inner dialogue (10:21) Tuning into the players that make up your inside team (aka inner dialogue) (13:34) Knowing when to slow down and listen to your inside team (15:26) Grounding yourself in your adult self and listening without getting freaked out (22:27) Cynthia shares some examples of exercises you can find in the book Meet Your Inside Team that will help uncover your different inside team players (27:30) Being curious and the importance of curiosity for each player (28:54) How to stay in an objective frame in mind when you are scared or triggered (29:58) Honoring the process of divorce (42:20) Transitioning relationships and myth change; when we change a narrative there is something we gain and something we lose (44:11) The disappointed dream: mourning the loss of the dream and myth change (49:35) Any large transition like divorce requires a lot of patience (55:22) Learn More About Cynthia: Cynthia Loy Darst is a Co-Active Coach, a relationship worker, keynote speaker, author, provocateur (emcee), course leader, coach trainer, talent scout, leader developer & trainer, team and large group facilitator, business consultant, media guest, and workshop creator. She has been a Front of the Room Leader for CTI (The Coaches Training Institute) and CRR Global, since each of them began, and has played an active role in leader development for both schools. Whether she is working with individuals, partnerships, leaders or teams, she is always focused on awareness, growth, and development. Cynthia works with people from all walks of life: CEOs to chiropractors, singers to Silicon Valley pros, teams that produce documentaries to sales teams in the insurance industry. She loves to explore their unique strengths and challenges and work with them to become ever more effective in their work and their world. Links: Cynthia’s website: TeamDarst.comCynthia on social media: Facebook, LinkedIn, and TwitterTeam Darst on social media: FacebookCynthia’s TEDx Talk: Safe Inside Yourself Meet Your Inside Team: How to Turn Internal Conflict into Clarity and Move Forward with Your Life ---------- REGISTRATION FOR MY SIGNATURE GROUP COACHING PROGRAM IS OPEN! Should I Stay or Should I Go? THE 12-WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM THAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE BEST DECISION ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE…ONCE AND FOR ALL!  LEARN MORE --> https://www.kateanthony.com/stay-or-go-group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michelle Mays, author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst, joins me for an in-depth conversation about healing from betrayal. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She is also the founder of the Center for Relational Recovery in Northern Virginia, outside of DC. “Divorce is common, and cheating is common. Because they are common, it doesn’t mean they’re not tremendously significant and have enormous ramifications for our mental and physical health,” says Michelle. During our conversation, we discuss the importance of understanding what happened, explore betrayal through the lens of attachment systems, and unravel what happens to us when we experience this enormous injury.   Featured topics include: A new attachment-based model for understanding the impacts of cheating in relationships (8:58) Some of the binds in relationships that we can get stuck in including the shame bind and relational binds (12:01) What gets in the way of leaving when we want or know we need to leave (35:43) Healing and repairing relationships: what it means to stay, and what it takes to repair the fractures betrayal has caused (45:02) The difference between rebuilding emotional connection and rebuilding sexual connection (50:21) Learn more about Michelle Mays: Michelle Mays is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She's also the author of the new book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst. Michelle has created The Braving Hope™ Treatment Model to address the devastating dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing. Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in Virginia and Washington DC, and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor. She was trained by Pia Mellody in the Post Induction Therapy model for treating developmental trauma and is currently completing her PhD in Clinical Sexology and certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-234-healing-from-relationship-betrayal-with-michelle-mays/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Michelle’s websiteMichelle’s book, The Betrayal Bind Michelle on FacebookMichelle on InstagramMichelle on YouTube Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thinking about keeping the house in your divorce? This week, Tami Wollensak joins me to talk about the things you need to consider when deciding whether or not you should keep your marital home. We explore the importance of understanding your finances and what to keep (and manage) the home. We also discuss some of the hidden costs associated with keeping the home such as homeowners insurance, getting a home inspection, and more. Tami offers insightful advice that will help you come to a more informed and peaceful decision about your home. Tami is a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP™) and Senior Mortgage Loan Originator. She takes a holistic approach to the process of evaluating mortgage options in the context of the overall financial objectives as they relate to divorcing situations prior to settlement for the best outcome for the divorcing homeowners.   Featured topics include: Even if you want to keep your house, you may not qualify for a mortgage loan (7:42) How a CDLP can help you negotiate to keep your marital home (16:18) Keeping the home might not be your best option (17:15) Understanding and evaluating the numbers can help you to move forward with a peaceful decision (22:19) You have to be the CFO of your divorce (24:13) Why your credit and obtaining your credit report is critical (33:24) Some of the things you may not have considered about keeping the home like ongoing maintenance, getting a home inspection, and homeowners’ insurance (37:00) Learn more about Tami Wollensak: Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 25+ year veteran of the industry, she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions while going through the most challenging time of their life.  Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP™). This specialization provides her the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate.  As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s (NMLS #1963450) goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. Oak Leaf Community Mortgage is a division of Mutual Federal Bank, Equal Housing Lender, and FDIC insured.  Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/take-or-leave-the-house-with-tami-wollensak/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We continue our month-long series centered around my 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset by discussing the creation of a vision statement for your divorce. This was something I did at the beginning of mediation with my ex-husband. A vision statement sets your intention for the divorce process. When things feel like they are going off the rails, you can return to your vision statement to stay grounded and centered on how you want the process to go. Whether you create a mutual or individual statement, it will serve as a helpful guiding principle for your divorce process. Resources & Links: 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset Bundle Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective The 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset: Intro Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-276-the-7-step-divorce-mindset-reset-your-vision-statement/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. —------------------------------------------------ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the first episode of the Your Vote, Your Choice series! This week we get real about the fight for reproductive freedom and what’s at stake. We tackle the harsh reality of what happens when women’s reproductive rights are stripped away, and the ripple effect it has on all of us, especially marginalized groups. My guest, Alexandra Jamieson, is ready to cut through the noise. As an artist, coach, and the brilliant mind behind The Abortion Trading Cards and Fascism Tarot Deck, Alex shares her perspective on the consequences of losing access to reproductive healthcare. We also dig into her Instagram movement #NotADragQueen #NotATransPerson, break down the looming 2024 election, and Project 2025. Featured topics: The real-world fallout when abortion rights are restricted, from economic security to education (9:18) Why marginalized women get hit the hardest and why we all need to care (10:53) How Project 2025 could remove many rights and dismantle the Department of Education (28:14) Ways you can step up and support women’s reproductive rights in this critical moment (41:34) Don’t sit this one out—tune in to hear what’s really going on with women’s rights and how you can make a difference heading into the 2024 election. Learn more about Alexandra Jamieson: Artist, Coach, Multi-hyphenate. A renowned creative leadership expert, coach, and best-selling author, and artist-creator of The Abortion Trading Cards and the Fascism Tarot Deck. With over 20 years of experience, Alex has successfully guided executives in tech, finance, healthcare, and professional services by leveraging storytelling and positive psychology to inspire leaders with unique intersectional creativity. An Oscar-nominated filmmaker and Oprah Winfrey Show guest, Alex’s insights have been sought after by top organizations worldwide. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Alex on Instagram @deliciousalex The Abortion Trading Cards The Turnaway Study (book) The Brigid Alliance Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/womens-reproductive-freedom-with-alex-jamieson-your-vote-your-choice/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are talking about a really important topic this week: grief. Grief is shocking in divorce. My guest Barri Leiner Grant, is a grief specialist and educator who joins me to help us understand how to process the grief we feel over an ended marriage. Barri divorced after a 17-year marriage and helps name grief and grieving for others who have experienced losing an imagined future. Putting the G-word in the D-word!   Featured topics: Why do we grieve a divorce? (2:16) Shame is a complicating factor in grief and divorce (8:49) The root cause of the shame and how to move through it (17:00) If we don’t look at our grief head-on, it will grow like a weed Grief tending: what it is and how you can tend to your grief (21:18) Exploring who you are now and who you want to be (28:35) Learn more about Barri Leiner Grant: Barri Leiner Grant is a grief specialist and educator and the founder of The Memory Circle -- a place and space she created for those who have experienced both death and non-death losses. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, and Maria Shriver's Sunday paper, among many other media outlets. She is an author who shares her personal experiences of loss widely. She divorced after a 17-year marriage and helps name grief and grieving for others who have experienced losing a future imagined. Putting the G-word in the D-word!   Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Barri's website Barri on Instagram The Artist’s Way Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-266-putting-the-g-word-in-the-d-word-with-barri-leiner-grant TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Surviving divorce is one thing, but surviving divorce with a co-parent who abuses alcohol is a whole different ball game. Soberlink is a high-tech breathalyzer system that sends you instant results of a co-parent’s alcohol levels. When your co-parent tests, their identity is automatically confirmed with facial recognition, and tamper sensors ensure no cheating has occurred. You then get instant proof that your kids are safe in their care. Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Help your family thrive in the new year. Visit www.soberlink.com/dsg to learn more and get $50 off your device. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are talking about life after divorce - specifically what it can look like and how it can feel. Sara Davison is my special guest. During our conversation, she shares her story of divorce and how she helps women move on from heartbreak to a life of happiness post-divorce.  Sara is best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’ and is an award-winning authority on break-ups, divorce, and life empowerment. Following the launch of Sara’s Breakup and Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programme in 2018, Sara has now founded The International Divorce Coach Centre Of Excellence which has a coaching community of 250 Divorce Coaches spanning 16 countries and five continents. She is a twice best-selling author, media commentator, and host of the #1 Heartbreak to Happiness Podcast.  Tune in to hear our empowering and uplifting conversation! Show Highlights How do you get back up on your feet and move forward when you are still wrapped up in the whole process of divorce? (7:50) Turning the adversity of your divorce into your strength and superpower (8:19) Sara shares her story of divorce and the processing the shock and trauma of finding her spouse was having an affair and wanted a divorce (14:41) How to move forward and take your power back - even in the midst of experiencing post-separation abuse (26:31) It takes one person or one generation to break toxicity or patterns of abuse - it is up to us to break it for our kids (38:35) Learn more about Sara Davison: Sara Davison, best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’, is an award-winning authority on break-ups, divorce, and life-empowerment. She’s the best-kept secret of society’s elite with a client list that spans actors, politicians, and sportsmen. A bestselling author, Sara’s empathetic and holistic coaching style empowers individuals to take back control and positively transform their lives. An NLP Master Practitioner, Sara combines 26 years’ coaching experience with her own personal experience of marriage breakdown to help clients cope with challenges including heartbreak, betrayal, conflict, confidence building, co-parenting, and being effective in the workplace during divorce and dating again. Coaching is tailored to suit a client’s lifestyle needs, with options ranging from private coaching at Sara’s clinic, home visits and online video courses to the immersive group environment on her highly acclaimed Breakup Recovery Retreats. Following the success of Sara’s Breakup & Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programme, Sara founded the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence in 2021 and has now created a global coaching community of over 200 Divorce Coaches spanning 14 countries and six continents. The programme is designed to help those interested in becoming a coach as well as existing coaches who want to take their business to the next level. Sara launched Heartbreak To Happiness, an empowering podcast designed to help men and women struggling with the pain of relationship breakdown. The podcast hit New and Noteworthy six times in the first six weeks post launch and hit #1 spot in Ireland and #2 in the UK charts and #24 in USA. Recent guests have included Jason Vale, Bill Walsh, Bernardo Moya and Nicole Jacobs. Sara has firmly cemented her reputation as the go-to expert on domestic abuse, joining forces with The Dash Charity as their patron and recently launched the UK’s first ever dedicated retreat ‘How to divorce an abusive partner and recover from a toxic relationship’, aimed at empowering those feeling helpless and overwhelmed with the critical tools they need to break free, so they can start their healing journey and redesign their lives. At the government level, Sara consults on marriage and divorce legislation, most recently the divorce law reform. Sara is also a regular media commentator and motivational speaker, and she recently starred as the expert in Heartbreak Hotel, a television show based around the concept of her Breakup Recovery Retreats.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’re talking about boundaries with my good friend, Amy E. Smith. If you have a history of constantly putting everybody first, giving in, or not speaking up when something is bothersome to you, then you, my love, need to set some boundaries. In this episode, Amy shares her three-step process for boundary setting, shares some thought-provoking lessons like, “You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your boundaries,” and talks about how to stand up for yourself without being a dick.  Amy is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. When you learn how to set boundaries and speak up for yourself you can even ask for a divorce with the utmost grace and kindness. Calmly and assertively. Yes, you have the freedom to choose a different approach. Show Highlights How to speak up for yourself! (2:48) Boundary remorse, plus we're told disproportionately, as women, “Don't rock the boat, sweep it under the rug.” (7:18) Boundaries and speaking up for yourself don't involve an ultimatum. (13:30) If you want to be heard and understood, you have to deliver your request in a way in which people can hear you. (16:40) The biggest boundary anyone can ever set is to say, “I don't want to be married to you anymore.” (17:40) You are responsible for your intention, not your reception. (18:14) Change your perspective on what equals success: Success is being proud of the woman you were when you delivered the boundary or information. (36:40) Not sure which boundaries you need to set? Create an inventory of the things you constantly complain about. (37:52) If you are afraid about hurting someone’s feelings when having hard conversations, then share that fear and express your vulnerability. (41:55) Amy’s three-step process to creating boundaries. (43:43) Learn More About Amy: Amy E. Smith is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Owner and founder of Joy Junkie Enterprises, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals beyond limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.   With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, Amy uses her popular weekly podcast, The Joy Junkie Show, to address issues of worthiness, self-confidence, and letting go of people-pleasing to assist listeners in creating and living radically joyful lives. Amy has been instrumental in aiding hundreds of women in stepping into their authentic power and crafting lives they desire. She is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert in Inspired Coach Magazine and on Fox 5 San Diego.  Start stalking Amy at www.TheJoyJunkie.com and grab a free copy of her eWorkbook/Audiobook, Stand Up for Yourself Without Being a Dick: 9 Proven Challenges to Radically Improve Your Self-Confidence and Self-Worth.  Resources & Links:Show notes and links also available at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself-with-amy-smith/ Amy's website The Joy Junkie Podcast Grab Amy's free workbook "How to Speak Up For Yourself Without Being a Dick"  Amy on Instagram Amy on Twitter Amy on FacebookDonate to the Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Sarah Schewitz returns to the podcast to talk about pathological love relationships. Dr. Schewitz helps us understand what this type of relationship is, how to know if you’re in one, why these types of relationships can be so devastating, and what is necessary to recover and heal.  Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships. She is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn, which was named by Forbes Health as one of the top 3 online marriage counseling services in 2023. She specializes in healing attachment trauma, understanding the impact of childhood wounds on your relationships, helping couples transform their communication, and rebuilding trust after betrayal. Featured topics: Dr. Schewitz answers, “What is a pathological love relationship [PLR]?” and describes the four identifiers of a PLR (11:18) Signs and red flags that you might be in a pathological love relationship (13:19) The five personality traits of victims who most often are susceptible to this type of relationship (18:42) Why it is necessary to seek out a trauma-informed and educated therapist to aid you in recovery (33:32) Healing from traumatic PLR oftentimes requires a somatic therapy approach (36:06) Learn more about Dr. Sarah Schewitz: Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships. She is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn, which was named by Forbes Health as one of the top 3 online marriage counseling services in 2023. She specializes in healing attachment trauma, understanding the impact of childhood wounds on your relationships, helping couples transform their communication, and rebuilding trust after betrayal. Dr. Sarah and Couples Learn have been featured on CNN, The Washington Post, Women’s Health, Bravo TV, and more.  Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Couples Learn Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-270-pathological-love-relationships-with-dr-sarah-schewitz/ DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every so often, I meet someone in my field with whom I hit it off amazingly. This week’s guest, Tony Overbay, is an example of when that happens. Tony joins me to discuss emotional immaturity, narcissism, and raising your emotional baseline.  Tony is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of 4, and Host of the award-winning podcast “The Virtual Couch” and another chart-topping podcast “Waking up To Narcissism.” He has spoken to audiences worldwide about marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. I am certain this conversation is just the first of many. I hope you enjoy this week’s episode!  Featured topics include: The difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism (2:48) A framework to help someone with emotional immaturity or narcissistic traits (20:35) Your emotional baseline: When your baseline of emotions is low, you can't reach the tools you need to interact with the world, so raising your emotional baseline could help you get traction to use the tools you’ve learned (34:05) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) (44:23) Learn more about Tony Overbay: Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author, and podcast host. Tony spent ten years working in the software industry before returning to school in his early 30s to get his master's in counseling, and he has been working as a therapist for the past 18 years. Tony’s first book, “He’s A Porn Addict, Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions,” has been a best-seller in the Sexual Health and Recovery category since its December 2019 debut. Tony recently released the “Magnetic Marriage” couples communication course and is the creator of The Path Back, an online pornography recovery program that has helped hundreds of individuals turn away from using pornography as a coping mechanism. Tony released the award-winning “The Virtual Couch” podcast in August of 2017, and he has over 350 episodes and 5 million downloads and counting. Tony launched “Waking Up to Narcissism” in October of 2021, and it has regularly found its way into the top 50 podcasts in the “Mental Health” category on the Apple Podcast charts. Tony’s latest podcast venture is an enhanced audio podcast of his best-selling book “He’s a Porn Addict,” with his co-author, Joshua Shea, joining him as co-host.   Tony has spoken to audiences worldwide on topics ranging from marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. Tony has testified in several court cases on narcissism. He is currently working on two books, one on his “Emotional Baseline” theory and one on navigating a relationship with a narcissist/emotionally immature person in one's life.  Tony has been married to his high school sweetheart for 32 years, and he has four adult children, ages 18, 20, 22, and 24. Tony is an avid runner, and he has completed over 150 marathons and ultramarathons, including over a dozen races of 100 miles or more. You can find out more about Tony at http://tonyoverbay.com.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-226-emotional-immaturity-vs-narcissism-with-tony-overbay/ Tony’s websiteLinks to connect with Tony ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Therapy is dead,” says this week’s podcast guest, Dawn Wiggins. In this episode, we get to the heart of why Dawn says therapy isn’t always the answer and, instead, how somatic and homeopathic techniques help individuals heal from various forms of trauma.   Dawn is a trauma-informed licensed marriage and family therapist and integrative healer who helps women turn the traumatic journey of divorce into a force for healing, self-love, and joy through a tailored blend of holistic and scientifically supported solutions.   Featured topics: Supported solutions for healing like EFT (6:45) Why Dawn says therapy is dead + explains the job of a therapist (16:25) Homeopathy: what it is and how Dawn weaves it into her practice (18:31) How we can use all of these techniques to heal the trauma of divorce and more (29:19) Learn more about Dawn Wiggins: Dawn Wiggins is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, EMDR specialist, and constitutional homeopath. She draws on decades of experience to help women navigate the emotional rollercoaster that comes after ending a marriage. Using a little bit of science, a few alternative remedies and emotional release techniques, a whole lot of love, and zero BS, we step out of the victim mindset and into building a new life after divorce. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Dawn's website Dawn on Facebook Dawn on Instagram Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-267-is-therapy-dead-with-dawn-wiggins/ DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Part of my work is to dig through the roots of patriarchal oppression, expose it for what it is, and bring light to ways in which we can smash it into oblivion. So, when I hear about stories of girls who are given to their abusers to be married at the age of 13 because they are pregnant - I am outraged (and enraged). Dawn Tyree is a fierce survivor of child marriage and turned her experience into an incredible life’s work. She was not raised in a fanatical cult. Girls being married off to their abuser is happening all over the U.S. every year.  In this episode, Dawn joined me to talk about her experience. We discuss the problem of child marriage and how we can resolve it. She is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. Her experience has been published in multiple major publications around the world. I am honored that she joined me to share her story.  Show Highlights Dawn shares her story of being left in the care of an adult, experiencing sexual abuse at his hands, and being forced to marry him at 13. (8:57) The system is set up to let sexual abuse, abandonment, and child marriage happen. (13:13) Dawn’s experience of being manipulated into believing that child marriage was the best choice. (15:31) How and when Dawn became aware that she was a victim of a sexual predator/abuser, how she began to process those emotions and started to plot her way out. (17:49) The story of her divorce and custody proceedings - as a minor. By the way, there is NO minimum age to marry (currently) in the state of CA. But, you have to be 18 years old in order for a divorce to be finalized. (27:26) From a parenting perspective, how Dawn spoke to her children about her/their situation. (29:01) Why you have to take your children out of an abusive situation and give them the opportunity to see what else there is. (35:19) What we can do to help end child marriage in the U.S. (41:32) Dawn explains why child marriage is a form of sex trafficking in plain sight. (50:21) Learn More About Dawn: Dawn Tyree is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. She is currently working with Global Hope 365 to help end child marriage in California. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. The story of her experience as a child forced into marriage has been published in The New York Times, Reuters, The Sun, DailyMail, The News-Review, WRAL, Freedom United, Portland Metrozine, YES! Magazine, and printed into 12 different languages. Dawn works with multiple organizations and universities across the nation to help educate and offer support in comparative studies (the US and international) on child marriage and human rights abuse issues. Dawn was featured in a two-hour documentary on child marriage in the U.S. as part of the A & E Network docu-series, “I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story” with Elizabeth Vargas that aired in April 2019. She continues her activism work in tandem with writing her harrowing story of overcoming the toughest of odds. Tyree is enjoying life in the Pacific Northwest Coastal Range. Resources & Links: National Coalition to End Child Marriage  Dawn on FacebookDawn on Instagram California Coalition to End Child Marriage Child Marriage – Shocking StatisticsStudents Against Child Marriage A&E’s I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story GET HELP:  National Human Trafficking Hotline:  1-888-373-7888  Text: befree to *233733 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Digital abuse is becoming an increasingly large problem. In this episode, Adam Dodge joins me for a discussion about the ways in which current or former partners may be misusing the internet and tech to harm individuals in unhealthy and abusive relationships.  Adam is a licensed attorney whose work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He is the founder of EndTAB and is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age. Together we discuss all things digital safety, autonomy, and abuse. Adam shines a light on unauthorized account access, digital gaslighting, and tracking devices. This episode is a reminder that you can prevent the violation of your digital safety, often more easily than you think. Online abuse is deeply traumatic and harmful. You deserve to be safe in your relationships, whether you are offline or online. Show Highlights How technology is used as a tactic in abuse (4:53) Unauthorized account access: personal autonomy includes consent to your accounts, technology, and apps (6:01) What you need to know about password safety and other steps to take in order to protect your online accounts (9:19) Dealing with harassment on social media, why blocking someone could have unintended consequences, and why you might want to mute/restrict instead (17:03) Adam answers the question, “Can my Amazon Echo be used for eavesdropping?” (25:39) How to figure out if you have a spy device in your home (26:38) Everything you need to know about stalkerware (39:10) Can your ex mirror your computer or device and see everything you are inputting? (34:28) Adam tells us about Smartphone air tags which are being used as a tracking device (41:19) Learn more about Adam Dodge: The founder of EndTAB, Adam is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age. His work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He has written and presented extensively on digital safety, online abuse prevention, technology-enabled abuse, and co-authored the first safety advisory on the emerging threat of ‘deepfakes.’ A frequent speaker and lecturer at universities and national conferences, Adam is also a special advisor to the Coalition Against Stalkerware and sits on the World Economic Forum's Digital Justice Advisory Committee. His work and expertise has been featured on CBS and in Vogue, the MIT Technology Review, Washington Post, NBC News, the Verge, Mashable, Wall Street Journal, SELF Magazine, Los Angeles Times, GQ, HuffPost and others. Adam is a licensed attorney in California and prior to founding EndTAB, he spent 9 years leading the legal department at Southern California Domestic Violence Nonprofit. He earned his B.A. from UC Santa Barbara and his J.D. by way of McGeorge School of Law and Hastings College of the Law. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m bringing back one of my most impactful conversations with psychologist and writer Dr. Kerry Kerr McAvoy about healing from narcissistic relationships. We unpack the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, the profound impact it can have on your emotional and mental well-being, and actionable strategies for self-nurturing after the relationship ends. We also take a closer look at the common phrase “it takes two to tango” and what it means in the context of unhealthy relationships. If you’re healing from a toxic relationship or want to gain clarity on what healthy love looks like, listen to this episode again or tune in for the first time. What you’ll hear: We explore the phrase “It takes two to tango…” Does it, though, when narcissistic abuse or toxicity is involved in a relationship?  Is there anything that you can do to help a narcissistic and abusive partner? The short answer is no.  Narcissistic Personality is a disorder. It’s not a mental health condition. Kerry explains the distinction.  Focusing on and nurturing yourself back to life is essential in a relationship that has dimmed you.  Learn more about Kerry McAvoy: Kerry Kerr McAvoy is a psychologist and a writer who educates on social media about cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her book, Love You More, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Resources & Links: Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025 Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kerry’s book, Love You More Kerry on TikTok Kerry on Instagram Kerry on Facebook Kerry on YouTube Why Can’t I Just Leave (book) =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/featured-episode-healing-from-narcissistic-relationships-with-dr-kerry-kerr-mcavoy/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the most common reasons people stay together is for their children. Depending on your unique situation, this might be the best reason to stay together, or the worst. We're told over and over again that we have to stay for our kids; that children from "broken homes" (I hate that term) do less well in school, are damaged, and grow up to have poor coping and relationship skills. So we try. And we try harder. We bend ourselves into pretzels trying to make this square peg fit in this round hole come hell or high water, because if we don't, our children will suffer, and we will have failed. I call bullshit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Britt Frank is the author of The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward. Many of my listeners are stuck on the idea of whether they should stay or go, or stuck in trauma and fear. That’s why I invited Britt to the show to talk about the small steps we can take to become unstuck and move forward with dignity.   Britt is a trauma specialist and psychotherapist. Her work focuses on empowering people to understand the mechanisms of our brains and bodies so we can break through procrastination and find our way home to ourselves. This conversation is amazing, I hope you enjoy it!  Show Highlights The fastest way to get out of being stuck is to take small steps (5:08) How to define the ‘first step’ to help you figure out your plan for getting unstuck (7:53) Dissociation is a self-protection mechanism - there’sa reason you’re not doing the thing you want to do: you’re experiencing the freeze response to trauma (13:11) Britt explains why we can’t think ourselves forward (16:04) We explore the steps to help you get unstuck including: Validating what’s happening and determining the resources available to help right now (22:40) Why Britt says to stay away from positive and negative thinking and instead focus on accurate thinking (24:52) Your inner critic wants to help, but they are just really bad at it! (27:59) Leaving a relationship requires detox and withdrawal (34:23) Self-sabotage is a way to self-protect - don’t blame yourself for self-sabotaging. Recognize it’s happening and then follow the steps to move through being stuck (39:41) Self-mothering is one the most powerful ways of breaking trauma bonds (44:24) Learn more about Britt Frank: Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator, and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com. Her debut book The Science of Stuck was released 3-22-22 by Penguin Random House. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-science-of-stuck-with-britt-frank/ Get on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace!Britt’s websiteBritt on Instagram Britt’s book Mother Hunger, Kelly McDaniel TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children.  As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you’ll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family.  If you’re thinking, "This could never happen to me," I’d like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve. Show Highlights The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20) The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52) Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39) We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18) Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06) Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50) New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40) Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children. Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce WebsiteOur Happy Divorce on FacebookOur Happy Divorce on InstagramOur Happy Divorce on TwitterMy Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch! Eagle Rock Isolation Band The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“If you think what’s going on all across the U.S. doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside your marriage, you’re dead wrong.” That’s a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week’s podcast topic.  So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot. I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has. White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us. We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support. Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let’s get to work. Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover how laughter can lighten the weight of divorce in this week’s episode. When your whole world feels on fire, bringing levity to divorce can be like a breath of fresh air. My guest this week, Andrea Rappaport, knows a thing or two about imparting humor in one's life while navigating difficult situations. Andrea is a recovering comedian who is the co-host of the top-ranked Apple podcast, How Not to Suck at Divorce.  Andrea and I look at the delicate balance between humor and seriousness in this episode when discussing divorce. Plus, we talk about why finding the right attorney is essential and the need for having a supportive squad by your side.  Featured topics: Why humor is so important when we're struggling (3:30) Some of the mistakes Andrea made in her divorce and what she learned (10:30) Checking expectations: “If you have an unhealthy marriage, you will likely not have a healthy divorce.” (11:53) Hiring the RIGHT attorney for your divorce (14:15) Why you need and DESERVE a team of support as you go through this process (44:20) Learn more about Andrea Rappaport: Andrea Rappaport is the co-host of the top-ranked Apple podcast, How Not to Suck at Divorce. As a recovering comedian, she STRONGLY values the need for humor in our lives while navigating difficult situations. Andrea is proudly divorced and a mom to two little boys whom she loves almost as much as a shopping trip to TJMAXX. She has recently been engaged to a man who makes her laugh and loves her deeply. When she’s not shopping or podcasting, Andrea co-runs a Chicago-based marketing and messaging firm, Rappaport & Schaer. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” - audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Andrea’s website Andrea on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I have a great interview with Dr. Natalie Jones, who is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, “Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?” I’m excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist (3:29) What it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being “love bombed,” and not stepping outside of the “bubble” (5:04) How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist (18:40) Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving (21:03) How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved (25:09) How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries (27:25) Addressing grief of the broken fantasy (31:34) Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite our relationship story (35:13) Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child (42:01) Learn More About Natalie: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links: Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones’ social media linksDr. Jones on Instagram A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on FacebookA Date with Darkness Facebook PageA Date with Darkness Facebook GroupDr. Jones on TwitterA Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the podcast I am joined by CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, Debra Doak. Debra specializes in helping women make hard decisions about marriage, divorce, money, and life. She is also an author, speaker, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® who loves giving women the confidence they need to speak up in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Her new book, High Conflict Divorce for Women, comes out today! Her work and her words truly resonate with me, which is why I wanted to have her on the show. Today we talk all about the preparations women need to take before pursuing divorce, including creating an exit strategy, getting your financial house in order, and more. We also talk about how we help women understand who they are in the world and provide them with the tools needed to be their own best advocate.  Because when it comes right down to it, you are the decision maker in your divorce. As Debra said, “You know what is best for you and make your own decisions. I don’t want anyone to punt that responsibility to somebody else who doesn’t have to live with the consequences.” Today, Debra offers sound advice and coping skills for maneuvering through a high conflict divorce.    Show Highlights The knowledge that women can co-exist and lift each other up in all aspects of life and business (6:00) Debra’s path to becoming a CDC Certified Divorce Coach following her own high conflict divorce (8:26) The things we normalize in relationships; when what is happening really is NOT okay! (11:15) Debra’s book High Conflict Divore for Women: Coping Skills and Legal Strategies for All Stages of Divorce (16:00) The importance of preparation (or creating your exit strategy) before pursuing divorce (17:00) If you don't have access to your household financials, change that NOW and the power that comes when you can, “wait with intention” (19:00) Using child support and child custody as the worst form of revenge (25:00) Having your BFF backup and support system ready (27:00) The biggest mistake people make in divorce is forgetting who the decision makers are; you are in charge of your divorce and you get to make the decisions (31:22) If you don’t feel safe or protected by your lawyer, go find another lawyer (32:00) Emotional regulation: what it means and how it can help you with a high conflict divorce (37:00) The importance of processing your pain first so you don’t pass it on to your children (48:18) Equipping your children and giving them agency so they can navigate co-parenting relationships and for life, in general (52:00)   Learn More About Debra: Debra Doak specializes in helping women make hard decisions about marriage, divorce, money, and life. She is an author, speaker, CDC Certified Divorce Coach® and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® who loves giving women the confidence they need to speak up in their relationships or at the negotiating table. Debra believes that knowledge is the antidote to fear and that planning well for divorce creates better outcomes for everyone. Most of her days include messy buns, tons of coffee, cats and Zooming with clients. And she has 2 kind, resilient, adult children who are out changing the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eli Harwood, the Attachment Nerd, joins me on the podcast this week to talk about attachment theory, building deep connections, and her new book, Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns Into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships! We hear about attachment styles all the time. In this episode, Eli and I nerd out on all things attachment, get to the heart of how attachment patterns impact us, and how to transform patterns that are not in service of healthy, loving relationships. Featured topics: Attachment styles/patterns: what does the developmental research say? (3:42) What attachment is from a biological/evolutionary perspective. (6:46) The different attachment patterns and how each pattern impacts relationships. (7:03) Eli answers, “Can you transform into a secure attachment pattern in an unhealthy relationship?” (24:00) It is ethically contraindicated to engage in couples therapy when abuse is present. (33:58) When you leave an abusive relationship, you will be creating a domain in your life and your children’s lives that are free of abuse. (40:28) Learn more about Eli Harwood: Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, and educator who has more than 17 years of experience helping people process relational traumas and develop secure attachment relationships with their children and partners. Eli has three children, one husband, two cats, and an extraordinary number of plants! Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching with Kate Eli on Instagram Eli’s website Eli’s book, Securely Attached TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANK Get started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So, you and your spouse have decided to divorce. You’re now faced with the responsibility of telling your kids. Unfortunately, there is no script for breaking the news to them. This week, I am bringing back my friend and colleague Christina McGhee to walk listeners through the very nuanced step-by-step process of telling your children you’re getting a divorce.   You and your ex are going to be co-parenting for the rest of your lives. Telling your children you’re getting divorced is the first step in parenting apart.   “You can’t take the hurt away. It is going to be hard. How you handle the hard parts is what makes a huge difference for your kids.” Christina McGhee Show Highlights First and foremost, you don’t want to prematurely tell your children you are divorcing. (3:26) Instead, the most important thing is to have a plan - be thoughtful about what you say and when you plan to say it. (4:00) Christina’s thoughts on telling your children you are only separating and then tell them you are getting a divorce at some point in the future. (6:41) Not a one-off conversation, but a series of conversations. (7:42) What do you say - what kind of information do you and don’t you provide. (11:09) Why it is important to make a distinction between romantic love versus love for your children. (16:52) When is it “easiest” for children to hear that you are getting a divorce? Hint: there is never an easy time. (19:01) As a parent, you need to responsibly manage your emotions. Plus, how to plan the conversation if you (or your spouse) is an emotionally vulnerable parent. (26:35) Curbing the desire to share your version of the truth with your kids. Mitigate this action by putting children at the center. (31:09) Learn More About Christina: Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits, and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio, and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children, she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina’s website Christina on LinkedIn Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival GuideEllen Bruno about her movie Split, on The Divorce Survival GuideThe Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s therapy month on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast! ICYMI: I’ve decided to organize podcast episodes into monthly themes, and right now, we’re in the middle of Therapy Month!  Joining me to discuss all things Imago Therapy for couples is Dr. Sarah Schewitz. Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn.  Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. My ex-husband and I were in Imago therapy before our divorce, and well, it didn’t save our marriage. But what it did do was provide us with a way to communicate compassionately and lovingly during our divorce.  Imago therapy opens compassion wells, and it allows for a deeper level of communication.  Sarah is an expert on the subject. In addition to discussing Imago, we also chat about why therapy (individual or couples) is so vital for your healing. Sarah puts it perfectly when she says, “Most of us are just unconsciously reacting to circumstances that are triggering our past childhood wounds without realizing it. If you can gain that awareness, you can then choose, ‘Do I want to react this way or not?’ And that’s healing.”   Show Highlights How remote couples therapy works (4:28) Misconceptions around childhood trauma and how they impact current relationships (6:59) The definition of trauma and conflict trauma (9:11) How Sarah addresses the panic-stricken husband who didn’t realize things were ‘that bad’ (14:15) Imago therapy and Imago dialogue: what it is and how couples can use it for a more profound level communication (16:58) More on the Imago dialogue and why the respect for your partner’s availability is so important (22:00) Sarah shares how she approaches therapy with someone who has been in an abusive relationship after abusive relationship (25:12) How to elicit a conversation about childhood wounds using Imago Dialogue, with a real-world example (51:26) “Whether the relationship stays together or not, investing in yourself is never a loss.”   Dr. Sarah Schewitz Learn More About Dr. Sarah Schewitz: Dr. Sarah Schewitz (pronounced Shevitz like Manischewitz wine) is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. She has been working with couples and individuals to improve their love lives for over 10 years now. In 2019, Sarah was named one of Datezie’s most influential dating experts and one of the top 3 marriage counselors in Los Angeles. Sarah has been featured in articles for outlets such as Readers Digest, Playboy, Bravo TV, AskMen, Self, and more. Dr. Sarah’s private practice is relatively unique in that she is one of the only doctoral-level couples therapists whose practice is 100% online.  Resources & Links: Dr. Sarah’s website Dr. Sarah on Instagram Dr. Sarah on Facebook Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Ph.D Getting the Love You Want Workshops The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I wanted to expand on a topic I discussed in my Facebook group and on an Instagram IGTV video. It’s around the topic of forgiveness entitlement. In this episode, I also talk about addiction or abuse, and why you can’t force someone to get help.  So, your spouse says they’re doing the work and they seem to be doing all the right things. But you still can’t trust them and they don't understand why. You wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” There is NOTHING wrong with you. You’ve been betrayed and hurt, and you’re not healed yet.  If your spouse is telling you that you need to get over it already, here’s what I want to say to you: the only person who gets to say when they’re ready to move forward is the person who has been the victim of the offending act — in this case, you. When someone says they’re doing all the work, remember that actions speak louder than words. And if they are truly doing the work, they’re opening the door so that you can be okay, so you can heal and eventually, you can forgive. But, know this: Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness.  Tune in to hear why this is so important for your healing, your journey, and your relationships (now or in the future).   Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: The only time you should forgive someone. Emotional abusers or active addicts know exactly what they are doing. YOU are the person who needs to understand the truth of what’s going on.  The importance of not controlling the situation and allowing him or her to find their process to recovery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020’s personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke.  If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.   I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many.  Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball.   How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward I’ll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love.  Resources & Links:Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The topic of trauma bonds is one of the biggest conversations that circulate within my Facebook group and also with clients. In fact, it is one of the biggest obstacles women tackle as they extricate themselves from a toxic relationship. So this week, I am bringing back my friend Gwynn Raimondi to talk all about trauma bonds. Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer, and the creator of the Trauma-Informed Embodiment™ modality. The typical advice given to those breaking free from toxic relationships is to go no contact. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, going no contact isn’t an option. You don’t have the luxury of doing that when you share children with the person you have a trauma bond with. In this episode, Gwynn helps us understand what a trauma bond is and how you can set healthy boundaries in order to break free. Show Highlights What are trauma bonds and how do we recognize them? Plus, the two definitions of trauma bonds. (8:12) How trauma bonds are formed within long-term abusive partnerships. (9:07) The reason you can’t heal from trauma bonds on your own and why you don’t go to therapy with an abuser. (13:52) How to break free from a trauma bond. (21:40) The basics of what a healthy relationship should look like. (31:24) Learn More About Gwynn: Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer and the creator of the Trauma Informed Embodiment™ modality. She specializes in complex (childhood, relational, & attachment based) traumas, grief, embodiment, and their intersections. She has written extensively over the last several years about many different types of trauma and the ways they impact our relationships. She offers online groups and programs periodically throughout the year, as well as works with individual clients via Zoom. Resources & Links:Gwynn on Instagram Gwynn on Facebook Gwynn’s newsletterGwynn’s Current Workshops and Offerings Rhian Lockard on Divorce Survival Guide Big Little LiesFAYR App The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we delve into the world of Point C Divorce. For well-intentioned parents caught in the complexities of family conflicts, Larry and Joni have devised Point C Divorce as a solution. Their goal is clear: to minimize the effects of fiercely contested divorce battles on children, placing kids at the heart of every divorce. Following his tenure on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry transitioned from public service to academia. He now teaches at two universities and actively participates in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni holds board certification in psychiatric and mental health nursing and is a certified expert in anger management.  Featured topics include: Larry and Joni provide the origins and principles behind Point C Divorce. (3:44) How to protect your children when one spouse manipulates the legal system during divorce and continues to abuse you and your children. (8:18) The concept of heartfelt forgiveness and how it differs from conventional forgiveness. (16:19) Drawing from his extensive experience as a family court judge, Larry shares that children overwhelmingly desire two critical things during their parents’ divorce. (19:33) The long-lasting impacts on children placed in the middle of a contentious divorce. (29:04) We explore the complexities of co-parenting, one of the most intricate relationships one can experience. (40:20) Learn more about Larry and Joni Jones: Larry and Joni are a caring and dynamic couple who have dedicated their lives and professional outreach to helping families navigate the oft-times difficult journey through mental health issues, special needs and family law. After serving on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry retired from public service, began teaching at two Universities, and became significantly involved in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni is board certified in psychiatric and mental health nursing, and is a certified anger management specialist. She is also a mediator as well. Larry and Joni actively advocate on a variety of issues including, autism and special needs, co-parenting, cultural competency, domestic violence/ IPV issues, and animal-related legal issues. They have recently relocated to New Mexico and are involved in a multitude of online social education projects. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-238-point-c-divorce-with-larry-and-joni-jones/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”Grit and Grace The Divorce Coalition The Divorce Coalition on Instagram Watch the Point C Divorce Video and visit the website Point C Divorce on FacebookPoint C Divorce on Instagram Point C Divorce on YouTube TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gabrielle Hartley returns to the show to discuss the secret to getting along with others! Gabrielle is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee, a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book, “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think,” is available for pre-order.  Gabrielle says that when you learn the steps of getting along, there is nothing more satisfying than being in agreement. Listen to this episode to hear how meeting your deepest emotional needs will lead to resolving conflict. Featured topics include: The framework of Gabrielle’s YES Method and how it encourages people to get along (12:50) Knowing when to shelve a conversation and take space (19:30) If you can understand what the other person really needs, you can settle almost any argument (24:47) Gabrielle explains what she means when she says, “Defensiveness is the enemy of resolution.” (32:42) The VIR protocol: visualizing how you want things to be (36:14) Learn more about Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.: Gabrielle Hartley is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee, a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think” will be released this May. She offers a weekly newsletter, The Conflict Code” and hosts The Better Apart Blog and is a frequently quoted media expert in the peaceful divorce realm (The New York Times, Vice, WNYC, Forbes, Psychology Today,etc.) Gabrielle is former court attorney to NYS Supreme Court Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.   While writing her first book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (HarperCollins2019) she realized that we all need to get along better in all facets of our lives. Gabrielle developed the YES Method based on more than 25 years working as a top divorce lawyer and mediator. The Secret to Getting Along was recently selected as a Next Big Idea Club must-read and her Tedx Talk on her strategy has been viewed over 62 thousand times. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-215-the-secret-to-getting-along-with-gabrielle-hartley-esq/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Gabrielle's website Gabrielle on Facebook Gabrielle on Instagram The Secret To Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think The Secret To Getting Along is Easier Than You Think TEDx Talk TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTHCozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code “DSG” at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show! DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're going to be talking about something called Mental Emotional Release (MER) with guest Rich Heller. The MER technique helps to release triggers or emotional patterns, thereby leading us on a path toward healing. Divorce is an emotionally charged time, so I thought this might be an interesting topic to share with listeners.   Rich is a Relationship Fitness Coach and mediator. He helps parents transform a negative relationship with conflict into one in which they resolve differences creatively. He helps them learn the tools and techniques needed to increase joy and resilience for themselves and their children. Rich is also an MER facilitator. MER is fascinating and Rich describes it in-depth, in this episode.  Featured topics include: When you’re getting divorced triggers are really expensive (5:01) How MER helps the unconscious mind release emotional triggers (16:42) We geek out on brain facts like how our unconscious mind does not know the difference between what we imagine versus what is real (18:39) Learn more about Rich Heller: Rich is a Relationship Fitness Coach and mediator. Rich helps parents to transform a negative relationship with conflict into one in which they resolve differences creatively. He helps them learn the tools and techniques needed to increase joy and resilience for themselves and their children.  Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation. He went to Vassar College for his BA and Hunter School of Social Work for his MA. He is a trained mediator and parent coordinator, Professional Certified Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner.   No stranger to conflict. Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched five children into the world.  Resources & Links: Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-mental-emotional-release-technique-with-rich-heller Retreat with Kate Rich’s website Rich on Youtube Rich on Facebook Rich on Instagram  TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHYThe Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy. Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.  With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured. And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.) JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This week we are discussing how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. Joining me is my guest Bill Eddy. Bill is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. Bill is also the author of BIFF™: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, and the just-released, BIFF For Coparent Communication. If you are in any kind of high-conflict situation, you need this book. Seriously.  During our conversation, Bill shares his expertise along with tips and techniques to help maneuver difficult co-parent texts, emails, and social media posts. Whether you are in a high-conflict co-parent situation or simply co-parenting with an ex, this episode is full of valuable information you can put to use immediately. Show Highlights High-conflict personalities and keeping high-conflict divorce out of the courtroom. How Bill developed the method of communication he uses in high-conflict situations. Why it is important to be brief when writing emails or written correspondence with a co-parent.  Why you should avoid labeling a co-parent as a blame speaker, high-conflict person, or as someone who has a personality disorder. Plus, what you can do instead.  Some techniques to help turn a high-conflict situation around or at least defuse one. The art of learning how and when to take a PAUSE. How to get information to a co-parent, in a friendly tone, and then end the conversation.  Learn More About Bill: Bill Eddy is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years’ experience. He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries and is the author or co-author of sixteen books (as of 2020) and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4 million views. Resources & Links: High Conflict InstituteBill on Instagram High Conflict Institute on Facebook The Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I am talking about what to do when your husband or spouse tells you, “NOW, I want go to therapy….” And boy, this is a big one. In fact, it is very common too. And I have thoughts, I have so many thoughts.  Here's the scenario: You've been unhappy for a while. Maybe a long-ass while. You've told your husband you're unhappy. You've asked him to go to therapy with you. Often multiple times. Maybe you’ve begged him to go with you but he’s still said, “No”. He may even have said, "I'd rather get divorced than go to therapy."  So you continue to suffer, to make the most of it, to care for yourself and your children, to put on a happy face to the world, all the while suffering inside. Until one day you just can't do it anymore. Until one day the switch flips and you JUST.FUCKING.CAN'T. That’s the day tell him you're done. And you mean it this time.  And he knows it. He feels it. And he panics. And he tells you he'll do anything. He tells you, “Now, I want to go to therapy. Maybe he means it, but more often it’s a last ditch attempt to get you to stay. If you have one shred of a fuck left to give, even just one corner, go to therapy. Watch him carefully. See what he's willing to DO. Remember ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻. You cannot fix what’s broken in your marriage on your own. You need help. So today, I am offering some help on this podcast in the way of advice so you know what to do if or when your spouse utters those famous words, “Now, I want to go to therapy.”.  Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: What to do when your spouse says they want to go to couples therapy, after you’ve told them you want a divorce The credentials and attributes to look for in a good couples’ therapist Why you feel guilty when you know you’re done and your spouse is pulling every play out of the ‘please don’t go’ book Listening to and understanding your personal truth Resources & Links:→ This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple’s App Store or Google Play.  -------------- GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it’s an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We kick off Family Court Awareness Month with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko as we talk about their new book, Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld. This collection of 22 women’s stories raises awareness about the systemic issues plaguing family courts, aiming to ignite awareness about the family court crisis by sharing the voices of those directly impacted. In this episode, Dr. Cocchiola and Polacko highlight the deep-seated misogyny and financial exploitation within family courts, emphasizing that this isn't just a U.S. issue—it's a global crisis that affects women of all races, demographics, and socioeconomic backgrounds. This episode is a call for awareness and action. Together, we can advocate for systemic change to better protect victims and their children. Featured topics: The family court crisis and how the assumption of justice often falls short, leaving victims unsupported (3:56) How disclosure of abuse can lead to devastating consequences, including loss of custody (4:35) Deeply rooted biases allow a system to profit from the suffering of women and children (5:41) The danger and harm of reunification therapy and camps (18:19) Kayden’s Law, enforcing legislation, and how everyone can join the fight for family court reform (22:51) Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a Coercive Control Educator, Researcher, and survivor. She is a tenured college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years. She has been a social justice advocate since 19, volunteering for a local domestic violence/sexual assault agency. Her expertise is in coercive control and the traumatic experiences of adult and child victims, researching and developing training on these topics nationally and internationally. Amy Polacko is a Freedom Warrior - and is committed to helping women live life on their own terms during/after a toxic relationship or divorce. As a divorced single mom, she is passionate about coaching women one-on-one and founded the empowerment group Strong Savvy Women to provide support, inspiration, and guidance to single women. Amy is also an award-winning journalist who sheds light on women's issues including divorce, domestic abuse, coercive control, and singlehood. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Framed: Women In the Family Court Underworld for more information and workshops! Dr. Cocchiola’s website Amy’s website Thanks to our sponsor: Future Fans =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-298-framed-women-in-the-family-court-underworld-with-dr-christine-cocchiola-and-amy-polacko-family-court-awareness-month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go. Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary. And, letting go is a challenge.  Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce.  Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life.  Afterall, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit.   Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.   Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.   Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.  Resources & Links:Jill’s websiteJill on FacebookJill on InstagramJill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1UThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lindsey Ellison returns to the show this week. You know her as the author of MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. She has a new book out called Blessons of a Breakup. In this episode, both Lindsey and I share some of our unique experiences with healing from trauma, codependency, or co-addictive relationships. We also explore love addiction and being love avoidant, including what it is, and how it manifests. For those of you new to Lindsey, she is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Our conversation was healing and beautiful for me; I hope it is for you as well.  Show Highlights Lindsey shares a personal story of resurfaced codependency and the emotional triggers that manifested. (5:23) What Lindsey learned at The Meadows and how it informed her choice to break up with someone she truly loved due to their copendendent and co-addictive relationship. (11:00) Being unprepared for the pain of a breakup and in deep pain of grief. (14:32) Love addiction: what it is and how it shows up in relationships. (15:39) A love addict's greatest fear is abandonment and an underlying fear of intimacy. (18:03) Love addiction versus love avoidance. (18:38) Why Lindsey says the spiritual process matters to the healing of a broken heart. (32:11) “Our ego is the CEO of all things from the past. Our spirit is only right now.” (41:38) Why Lindsey wrote her book Blessons of a Breakup. (42:44) Learn more about Lindsey: Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Her newest book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, offers a step-by-step formula on how to create a communication plan and provides a script of empowering “magic” words that can neutralize the power struggle.   Resources & Links:Resources can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/blessons-of-a-breakup-with-lindsey-ellison Private Coaching with Kate Anthony Lindsey’s websiteLindsey on Facebook Lindsey on Twitter Lindsey on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matthew Fray, author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach To Saving Relationships, has been on my guest wishlist for a really long time. That is why I am truly delighted to share our conversation with you. Matt joins me to talk about how men can show up as better partners in relationships. I first learned about Matt when I read his now-viral blog post, “She Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes Near the Sink.” It’s not just about dishes. It never truly is, now is it? Matt shares his experiences with writing that blog post, the lessons he has learned since his divorce, and offers insight on how men can become mindfully aware of their spouses' experiences, share in the division of labor in relationships, and more.  Show Highlights How his blog post aims to invite a conversation about what is allowed to matter (5:55) In relationships, there is a discrepancy between values, preferences, and things that affect one another (6:44) Marriage and the man card in cis-hetero gendered relationships (9:14) Matthew describes the invalidation triple threat: aka the ways in which we invalidate people when we disagree with them (17:14) Be mindful of the little things we are not paying attention to because they are often the root of relationship issues (23:41) We explore four key relationship skills including how to argue or disagree effectively (38:19) Learn more about Matthew Fray: Matthew Fray is the author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends A Hopeful Approach To Saving Relationships. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F," and the practical insights of "The 5 Love Languages," "This Is How Your Marriage Ends" helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives - and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. Fray is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage and divorce to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did. His writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Sunday Times, The Huffington Post, Babble, and many more. His blog Must Be This Tall To Ride has a dedicated following and has reached millions of readers. Resources & Links: Book a Sanity Saver Session in May or June Matthew's website Matthew's new book Matthew on Twitter Matthew on Facebook She Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes by the Sink TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Kimberly Nelson returns to the show! We are talking about financial infidelity including how to recognize it and what to do if you find it’s happening to you. Kimberly shines a light on some of the red flags of someone being financially deceitful, why it’s important to exercise your financial agency, and explains why being aware of your finances matters for your divorce.  As an Advisor at Coastal Bridge Advisors, Kimberly Nelson focuses on bringing clarity and control to her clients’ financial lives. She works with them to create a strong foundation for financial health through innovative, objectives-based wealth planning solutions with an emphasis on marriage dissolution and transition.   There are numerous types of infidelities; emotional, sexual, and relational. And there is financial infidelity, which is very hard to undo and recover from. Listen to this episode to hear how you can avoid it and what to do if you think it’s happening to you. Show Highlights What is financial infidelity, anyway? (5:29) Why it is important to have financial agency and know what is going on with your finances. (9:24) Check and keep tabs on your credit report. You can pull your credit report for free, three times a year. Kimberly shares how. (13:13) Signs that you might be a victim of financial infidelity. (17:28) You know you want to get a divorce: is stashing cash for your divorce financial infidelity? (23:04) What to do if you suspect financial infidelity and how to have a conversation with your spouse. (33:12) If your divorce goes to trial, proof of financial infidelity will be crucial. This documentation is key. (43:07) Is it worth hiring a forensic accountant? (47:00) Learn more about Kimberly: Kimberly has been working with high-net-worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. She values the strong relationships she builds with her clients and is dedicated to enhancing the quality of their lives, believing that ongoing successful wealth oversight requires collaboration between investor and advisor.  She became a CFA Charter holder in 2012 and maintains a steadfast dedication to both her education and that of her community around financial matters. She’s actively involved in the financial literacy efforts of the Los Angeles Center for Law & Justice (LACLJ) and serves as a board member and treasurer of Grades of Green, a non-profit that works to instill environmental awareness in the minds of elementary school students. Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/financial-infidelity-with-kimberly-nelson/ Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKimberly on Linkedin Kimberly’s websiteDivorce, Debt, and the Pandemic with Kimberly Nelson TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attorney, CDFA, and author Patrick Kilbane joins me to discuss what you need to consider when selecting a divorce attorney. In this episode, we cover some criteria for choosing an attorney, questions to ask during your initial consultation, and what you need to know about your money as you move through divorce. Patrick is Partner, the General Counsel, and a Wealth Advisor for Ullmann Wealth Partners, headquartered in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Ullmann Wealth Partners is an independent wealth management firm that manages nearly a billion dollars of client assets. Pat has earned the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation and has testified as an expert witness in divorce cases over the last ten years. He’s also the author of Move Forward Confidently, a Woman’s Guide to Navigating the High Net Worth Divorce. Featured topics include: The criteria for selecting an attorney that is right for you (3:06) Some questions to ask during the initial consultation (10:51) The two most important aspects of your divorce case (25:05) What you need to know about your money before going into a divorce(30:43) Learn more about Patrick Kilbane: Patrick Kilbane is a Partner, the General Counsel, and a Wealth Advisor for Ullmann Wealth Partners, headquartered in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Ullmann Wealth Partners is an independent wealth management firm that manages nearly a billion dollars of client assets in custody at Fidelity. Before joining Ullmann Wealth Partners, Pat was a Shareholder at Gray Robinson, P.A., where he had a thriving specialty litigation practice (mainly high net-worth divorce cases). Pat was recognized multiple times by Florida Trend and Super Lawyers Magazine for his skills and professionalism. Pat has earned the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation and has testified as an expert witness in divorce cases over the last 10 years. Pat serves the Northeast Florida Region in several roles. He’s received five gubernatorial appointments to the Judicial Nominating Commission for Florida’s Fourth Judicial Circuit and the Jacksonville Aviation Authority Board of Directors. His fellow board members elected him Chairman of both boards. Further, Pat is the President of the Jacksonville Lawyers Chapter of the Federalist Society. In 2014-2015, Pat was elected President of the Young Lawyers Section of the Jacksonville Bar Association. In 2005, Pat received his Juris Doctor degree from the University of Notre Dame. He received his Bachelor of Business Administration degree, summa cum laude, from Adrian College, where he earned the full-ride, merit-based Dawson Scholarship and was named the Outstanding Graduate by faculty vote for the Class of 2002, and is a member of the Board of Trustees. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-207-selecting-the-right-attorney-for-your-divorce-with-patrick-kilbane/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bill Eddy is back on the show to dive into a critical topic: adult bullies. With election season upon us, the presence of bullies—whether in politics, the workplace, relationships, or even parenting—can feel more intense than ever. Bill, Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute and author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them, explains how today's media-driven culture fuels the rise of adult bullies, encouraging aggression and disregarding rules. We explore how bullies create crises out of thin air, positioning themselves as heroes of their made-up stories. Plus, Bill shares concrete examples of adult bullying in the world today, how it impacts children when parents are the bullies, and why it's crucial to stand together against bullies to take them down. Listen and learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the emotional manipulation bullies use to gain power. Featured topics: What defines an adult bully and the key traits to look out for (4:30) The secret weapon of bullies: emotional manipulation and the "crisis-villain-hero" narrative (8:04) How media and social media fuel the growth of adult bullies (15:27) How parents can inadvertently turn their children away from a co-parent (24:09) The importance of empathy: addressing bullying without becoming bullies ourselves (34:56) The future of adult bullies: what to expect and how to stand against them (49:27) Learn more about Bill Eddy: Bill Eddy is the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists throughout the United States and a dozen other countries in managing high-conflict family, workplace, and legal disputes. He is the author of over 20 books and manuals and has a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective High Conflict Institute Bill’s book “Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them” The High Conflict Institute on Facebook The High Conflict Institute on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-295-adult-bullies-with-bill-eddy-your-vote-your-choice/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in a marriage with a narcissist is exhausting. Divorcing a narcissist is no less exhausting. Tracy Malone is a surTHRIVER of narcissistic abuse, speaker, educator, and emotional resilience coach. In this episode, she joins me to share insights and information from her latest book, DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up!   Tracy’s book is a fantastic reference for anyone who is thinking about or in the midst of a high-conflict divorce with a narcissist. During our conversation, we talk about how to protect yourself before, during, and after divorce. When you are divorcing a narcissist, knowledge is empowerment. Tracy is such a great resource on this topic. I hope you get a lot out of our conversation. Show Highlights Lessons from DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! (2:55) Why a rich narcissist can be much more vindictive than a poor one. (3:36) The masks a narcissist wears and how they use their masks to manipulate or trick the people around them. (4:28) Common mistakes people make when divorcing a narcissist. (10:31) The gray areas of the divorce decree! Tracy offers a reminder to get super finite about the details during your divorce. Plus, Tracy shares a specific decree that every divorce should have. (11:54) Post-separation legal abuse and how to protect against it. (16:14) Strategies for handling your emotional exhaustion. (26:27) Understanding (and having your support system understand) your triggers will be your salvation. (31:58) Why forming a team is so important to your divorce and how to determine what kind of lawyer you need. (34:18) The healing process and radical acceptance: addressing the wounds from narcissistic abuse and learning to let go of the things you cannot change. (42:31) Learn more about Tracy: Tracy Malone is a surTHRIVER of narcissistic abuse, speaker, educator, and emotional resilience coach. Tracy is the founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, a global resource to victims of emotional abuse which offers support to those trying to break the ties with the narcissists in their lives. Tracy is the author of DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! Resources & Links:Show notes and links may also be accessed at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/divorcing-your-narcissist-you-cant-make-this-shit-up-with-tracy-malone Tracy’s website Tracy on Instagram Tracy on Twitter Tracy on YouTube Narcissist Abuse Support Facebook Group Red Flag checklist are you with a narcissist? Questions to ask a lawyer before hiring them Parenting guidelines by state Pen Digital Voice Recorder Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here! Should I Stay or Should I Go? TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this solo episode, I’m diving into the journey of letting go and reclaiming your power during the divorce process, especially if you’re healing from abuse. I know firsthand the mental conditioning and hypervigilance one endures during an abusive relationship, which is why it’s so crucial to establish firm boundaries, even when fear tries to hold you back. I share a personal story of setting boundaries in the face of a controlling relationship and offer practical tips for stepping away from manipulative people, like muting their messages and using support tools such as Aimee Says. Remember, you deserve happiness, and I'm here to help you find it. Featured topics: How to reclaim your power and protect your peace Strategies to stay grounded and maintain boundaries Discover how self-worth fuels your healing journey A reminder that healing is not linear Resources & Links: Drop the Rope - 20 Phrases to Disengage from Conflict Free Download Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Aimee Says  =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-296-drop-the-rope-embracing-your-power-during-divorce/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Parenting is hard, divorce or not. Parenting is a big ask.” When you mix parenting, divorce, changes in family structure, and a complete upheaval of everyday life - parenting becomes even harder. Michelle Kenney, a connective parenting coach, joins me to talk about how to parent your children before, during, and after divorce, with connection, peace, and empathy.  Michelle is a divorced mom of two daughters, who are 12 and 15. She is a recovering yeller, control freak, and perfectionist turned connective parenting coach. She was so poignant and soothing during our time together. I can’t wait for you to listen.  “I gave up the relationship I share with my ex-husband to focus on the relationship I share with my girls. The relationship I share with my girls is better because I got divorced.” Michelle Kenney. Show Highlights Was parenting always a big ask or did parenting change over time (compared to past generations)? (5:33) How to use connective parenting as opposed to punitive parenting, when your own life is destabilized by the divorce process. (7:39) “It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not perfect, and we can strive to do better.” And...as parents, we have an obligation to our children to apologize when we do get things wrong. (7:52) Connective parenting: what it means and what it looks like. (10:20) When your co-parent continues to punitively parent your child and you don’t. “You need one, good connected caretaker to be a functioning human being, to do well, and to be well-adjusted.” (12:15) How to talk to your children about your different parenting styles without badmouthing your co-parent. (14:30) The importance of empathizing with your child. Plus, why is it so hard to do? “We don’t understand what empathy is because no one did it for us.” (22:06) Adjusting to co-parenting and being without your child while they are with their co-parent. (23:36) Why punitive parenting is bad for children. (28:13) Michelle shares her experience as a former yeller and insight about what parents can do when they do yell or lose their shit. (32:30) Learn More About Michelle: Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped the relationship she shares with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative.  Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to moving through difficulties. Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator and is an ADL Trainer fighting against the bias of all types on school campuses. Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/connective-parenting-with-michelle-kenney/ The Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase, here! Michelle's website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Amelia Kelley is back! You may remember her from the popular episode about being a highly sensitive person (HSP), strategies for self-care, and how being an HSP can affect relationships. This time, we are talking about healing from gaslighting. In fact, Dr. Kelley has a new book/workbook called, “Gaslighting Recovery for Women.” She shares some of the book’s insights in this episode.   We talk about how to recover from gaslighting, including the importance of understanding it, and then, later, some steps toward healing. Dr. Kelley’s passion is to equip women who have experienced gaslighting to understand what happened to them, how to protect themselves from potential gaslighting in the future, and how to understand the nuances between medical, relational, societal, and family gaslighting. Featured topics include: Gaslighting: what it is, what it isn’t, and where/how it shows up (8:13) The act of lying is not gaslighting (11:27)  Tactics of gaslighting used by abusers (14:09) The seven stages of gaslighting (21:56) How gaslighting affects women, specifically (36:11) How do you get out of a relationship where gaslighting is occurring? (40:13) Beginning to heal: It is a time to be inquisitive, not a time to blame or shame yourself and enhance your relationship with Self (56:13) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelly: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.  Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio’s Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS’s Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-233-gaslighting-recovery-for-women-with-dr-amelia-kelley Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Should I Stay or Should I GoGrit and GracePrivate Coaching with KateDr. Kelley’s websiteGaslighting Recovery for WomenDr Kelley’s Insight TimerDr. Kelley on Instagram What My Bones Know, Stephanie FooCoDA TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The hits just keep on going, don’t they? I’m recording this show a few days after the shooting in the synagogue in Pittsburgh. I’m realizing that by the time this show airs, we will have probably been hit by even more atrocities. This is relevant to today’s show because I will be discussing trusting your intuition; trusting your gut, and knowing where to find that. I’ve never specifically identified as Jewish, but I am. I’m half Jewish. Part of the reason I never identified as Jewish is because, at a very young age, I was told I wasn’t really Jewish because my mother wasn’t Jewish. I learned this partly because I dated a boy at the age of 14 and his parents sent him to Israel for the summer to get him away from me. To be fair, his family members were Orthodox Jews. As many of you know, I am an empath and I am really trying to tap into my intuition, which is linked to my empathy. After the synagogue shooting, I shut down. I actually slept for 10 hours straight, and on Sunday, I was dead to the world. I could hardly function because I was so exhausted. I asked myself in my innermost knowing why I was being so deeply affected by the shooting. The answer I heard was that even though I don’t normally identify as Jewish, there was a generational trauma I was experiencing. I looked at the pictures of my Jewish relatives on my wall and thought about my great-grandfather studying the Torah, and about my Russian grandmother who escaped on a refugee ship. The idea that none of this lives in my DNA is silly. I was able to tap into my family history so I could mourn and grieve.    Show highlights: Kate shares how the rise of anti-semitism in our country is negatively affecting her personally. Rhian Lockard’s class, Divine Communication, is helping Kate to tap into her inner guide, or “inside team.” Kate says to reach down deeply inside yourself to answer difficult questions. Ie. Should I leave my relationship, or should I stay? Call in your guides, and ask them the question. What is the first thing that bubbles? That will be your answer. Listen to the part of you that bubbles up. Kate says that when you ask yourself the difficult or scary questions, they will be the most important questions/decisions you will ever make. Hear the bubble pop and just listen. That’s how you connect to your inner guides. Trust yourself and trust your inner voices.   Connect with Divorce Survival Guide Website Facebook Instagram Watch for Kate’s new class coming in 2019. You can sign up now to be one of the first people to find out when it begins. Sign up here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am taking some time off to celebrate the Christmas holiday. If you celebrate Christmas, well then, Merry Christmas to you! A break this week means no new podcast episode. But, I still got you covered.  Instead, I am re-airing my interview with Lindsey Ellison.  Lindsey is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. Navigating co-parenting any time of the year can be difficult, but during the holidays it can be especially hard. In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you’ll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Here are just a few of the topics we touch on in this episode:  Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) Breaking the cycle of narcissism No contact messaging and why it’s confusing For show notes and more visit:  https://www.kateanthony.com/podcast-1/co-parent-with-narcissist-lindsey-ellison   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on the podcast, I interview Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. Jessa specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. We had a great chat about whether or not an unfulfilling sex life is reason enough to end a marriage, and how to jumpstart it without it being too fucking awkward. We also talk about mis-matched libidos, the sexual avoidance cycle, porn and so much more! Needless to say, it’s a juicy one! ******************** About Jessa: Jessa is a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. Jessa educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She does this work through in person therapy in her office in Seattle, online therapy for Washington residents, her Better Sex podcast, and her soon to be published book, Sex Without Stress. www.jessazimmerman.com www.bettersexpodcast.com www.sexhealthquiz.com Facebook group: www.seattlecouplescounselor.com/community   Mentioned in this episode: David Schnarch – Passionate Marriage Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Radical acceptance means completely accepting a situation, circumstance, or challenge without necessarily approving or agreeing with it. In this installment of the 7-Step Divorce Mindset reset, I share why this concept is especially crucial in the divorce process. Embracing radical acceptance is one of the most powerful things you can do. It's revolutionary yet fundamental. It’s about letting go of the struggle over who you thought your partner was and truly accepting who they are. You’ll hear: Radical acceptance is not remotely akin to forgiveness Tina Swithin’s Radical Acceptance Oath What happens after you’ve come to a place of radical acceptance  Resources & Links: 7-Step Divorce Mindset Reset Bundle Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-279-the-7-step-divorce-mindset-reset-radical-acceptance/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before we dive into this week’s show, I wanted to share that my group coaching experience, Grit & Grace, is open! If you are ready to create profound shifts to own your worth, your strength, and your power - Grit & Grace is for you. To learn more about the program or to sign up for a consultation visit KateAnthony.com/Coaching. Certified Family Law Specialist Monica Mazzei joins me to talk about why everyone should have a pre-marital agreement - yes, a prenup! Monica is passionate about what she does and has made it her mission to educate others about everything family law—including this topic.  During our conversation, we discuss the benefits of having a pre-marital agreement, why prenups are not just for high-net-worth individuals, and what happens if a spouse tries to fight the prenup during a divorce. If you don’t have assets or think you don’t need a prenup, but think you might get married again in the future, this episode is a must-listen. Show Highlights The family law system is outdated especially in the area of pre-marital agreements (6:53) Conversations about pre-marital agreements offer transparency and may lead to greater intimacy (10:00) Monica explains what information and details go into a prenup - it should be a clear roadmap of what is going to happen if you get divorced (11:51) How to start the conversation with a partner about creating a pre-marital agreement (22:08) Co-habitation and Nesting agreements: what are they and what should go into them (26:04) Why a pre-martial agreement is the most impactful one you can have, where you choose your own rules and destiny as a couple if things don’t work out (34:35) Learn more about Monica:Monica Mazzei is a Certified Family Law Specialist representing clients in the Bay Area, with a concentration in San Francisco and Silicon Valley, as well as Los Angeles. She represents high-net-worth clients throughout the divorce process and in mediation. Monica has been named a California Super Lawyer from 2015-2019 and has been recognized in the international Chambers High Net Worth 2017-2019 guide for Family/Matrimonial Law. Monica specializes in dissolution actions involving complicated valuation and financial matters, and complex community property and support issues, including international issues, and dissolutions involving hedge funds, private equity, venture capital, and privately held businesses. Monica takes a modern approach to the practice of family law – addressing various needs of her clients related and unrelated to their family law case. Monica has relationships with top professionals in the Bay Area such as forensic accountants, mental health professionals, real estate agents, financial advisors, and business valuation experts. She also works closely with estate planning attorneys to come up with creative solutions for her clients and ensure their agreements reflect their current objectives. Monica is a frequent lecturer and speaker on family law matters and has been interviewed by Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and Bloomberg.  Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/why-everyone-should-have-a-pre-marital-agreement-with-monica-mazzei/ Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us! Monica’s website Monica on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are talking all about sexuality and intimacy after divorce. My guest is Leslie Morgan Steiner, a New York Times best-selling author, columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.  Two truths can co-exist. You can be relieved your soon-to-be ex is moving out and grief-stricken at the same time. You can be happy and sad, at the same. This is part of the complexity of human emotions. There’s nothing wrong with you for experiencing a wide range of them. There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody knows this better than Leslie. Leslie’s memoir, Crazy Love, is an account of her violently abusive first marriage. It's about this kind of complexity, how we can deeply love and deeply fear one person at the same time. Her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, explores these dualities as well as she writes about female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50.   Show Highlights The power of sisterhood and how women are always an inspiration to other women (3:18) Coming out of a marriage desexualized and losing touch with your sexuality (6:00) Perfection has nothing to do with sexuality (12:00) Getting to a point where you can enjoy and love sex (15:00) The stigma and shame around having sex after divorce if the divorce has not been finalized (22:38) Women who are vulnerable to abusers, how to break the cycle; and Leslie shares her story of domestic abuse (28:14) Why learning how to trust yourself again rather than trusting others is paramount following an abusive relationship (33:23) Leslie drops this truth bomb: “I can’t look for a man to heal me.” (38:00) Men struggle with intimacy just as much as women do (39:00) Leslie shares her thoughts on coaxing a man to fall in love with you (42:00) The myth of Prince Charming is destructive to women and unfair to men too (49:09) Learn More About Leslie: Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem and dating after 50.  From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.” She currently writes the Two Cents on Modern Motherhood column for ModernMom.com and MommyTracked.com. Her writing has appeared in Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, the New York Times and other publications.    Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years.  Steiner is a regular guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over five million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy.   She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.  Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I’m sharing my recommendations for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re a member of my Facebook group or follow me on Instagram, you may have heard me talking about how there are no shelter-in-place or quarantine guidelines for divorced families, especially those with blended families. We are told to stay home or to shelter-in-place, but what is a quarantine when you have children spread out across multiple households?  The government can’t necessarily mandate how blended families react to quarantine, but they can make guidelines. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard one politician or infectious disease expert say a single thing about our demographic.   As it stands right now, co-parenting guidelines are simply, “Comply with your court orders.” And, in many cases, that can be dangerous for everyone’s health.  In this episode, I’ve put together some ways that co-parents can deal with the current situation.  Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why communication with your co-parent is crucial now, more than ever What to do when you have an ex who is not taking the pandemic seriously The importance of talking to your children in age-appropriate ways about COVID-19 How to cope with being stuck cohabitating with your soon-to-be-ex and how to continue with divorce proceedings If you are in an abusive relationship in quarantine, you are in danger.    Resources and Links: Susan Guthrie, Divorce in a Better Way Hello Divorce (for the State of California only)It’s Over Easy National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233 1:1 Coaching with Kate The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest this week is Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA. In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all:  Should I Stay or Should I Go In the course of this conversation we cover:  Quentin's 6 non-negotiables in a relationship and what they should really mean for you. Quentin's view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages—and if they're actually good enough reasons to leave. My view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages and—if they're actually good enough reason to leave. Why the fact that 68% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail really matters to the choice ahead of you right now. Why 69% of marriages are ended by women, and what men can do to not be a casualty of that. And MUCH more!! ******************* Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist. He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before. If you’re struggling with: – A marriage on shaky ground and you can’t seem to stop fighting. – Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner. – Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut. – Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship. As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams. Website Facebook Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I am happy to bring you my conversation with Laura Wasser, a family law attorney, author of It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, entrepreneur, and family law expert. She is also the founder of the online divorce platform, it's over easy. Through her platform she provides an online divorce solution that guides men and women through every aspect of divorce, saving them tons of time and money. During our conversation, we discussed the varying aspects of divorce; from the outrageous price tag it can have (and why that may be) to the legal aspects of it all. Plus, we talk about the importance of communication and collaboration throughout the divorce process. Show Highlights The divorce price tag can be outrageous; the more conflict there is, the more you pay (7:49) The number one difference between those that can divorce amicably and those who can't, and why time and acceptance matter (11:36) Why emotional decision making is often a terrible idea (14:12) California cooling off period—what it is and what it means (15:02) Figuring out a better way of communicating pre-and post-divorce (19:45) Laura talks about her first book, It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, and why she was moved to write it (22:43) Divorce culture, then and now, and cultural distinctions in divorce (26:23) Premarital counseling and why it can be so healthy and important to a marriage(33:44) Stay-at-home moms and their fear of not being able to support themselves after divorce (36:17) Being financially aware of what is going on in your marriage and how marriage is a partnership, so you need to treat it like one (39:38) Learn More About Laura: Attorney Laura Allison Wasser is an author, entrepreneur, and Family Law expert. She is the founder of the online divorce platform, it’s over easy. Laura is frequently called upon as the preeminent voice on TV, in print and across the media landscape in newsworthy matters regarding Divorce and Family Law. In 2018 Laura participated as a featured speaker at both the Women In The World Summit and Girlboss Rally. Profiles and interviews on Laura can be found in Vogue, Bloomberg News, Porter Magazine, Interview, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, The Hollywood Reporter, People Magazine, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Town and Country, Parenting magazine and more. Links:Laura’s websiteLaura’s Podcast: Divorce SucksLaura on social media:https://www.instagram.com/laurawasserofficial/ https://www.instagram.com/itsovereasy/ https://twitter.com/itsovereasy https://www.facebook.com/itsovereasy/ Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Self-StudyLaura’s Online Divorce Made EasyOur Family WizardCoparenterPolicy GeniusWorthy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this solo episode, I talk about coming out of a pretty dark depression, and then move on to how taking personal responsibility can be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, your marriage, and your divorce. I tell the story of when I was in nursery school and was told to apologize and literally couldn't, do a pretty amazing impression of my mom, and tell a really personal story about what having been molested as a child taught me about personal responsibility and growth. Mentioned in this episode: The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones by Sandra Tsing Loh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I welcome Dr. Tom Murray for a conversation about the difference between discernment counseling and couples therapy. Dr. Tom is an author, international trainer, educator, and couples and sex-therapist supervisor. He is also a sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. In this episode, we get to the root of why couples therapy does not work in the traditional sense, and how discernment counseling might be a better option for you and your partner. This is a wonderful and insightful discussion for all who listen.  Featured topics include: Discernment counseling: what it is and how it can help couples make a decision about what’s next for them (4:07) The difference between couples therapy and discernment counseling (6:42) The three paths of discernment counseling: status quo, divorce, or couples therapy (7:34) If there is domestic violence in a relationship, discernment counseling is not appropriate (9:10) Agenda versus Love: “When I want you to be as I want you to be, that’s an agenda. When I want you to be as you want to be, that’s love.” Even in the presence of love, however, you don’t have to stay married. (18:00) Why Dr. Tom says, “Rather than focus on the assumption that therapy is the catalyst for the change, focus on the change you want to see.” (22:21) Learn more about Dr. Tom Murray: Dr. Tom Murray, an international trainer, educator, and couples and sex therapist, is a widely sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. He authored the 2022 book, Making Nice with Naughty: An intimacy guide for the rule-following, organized, perfectionist, practical, and color-within-the-line types. For 20+ years, Murray has worked with everyday folks to embrace their weirdness, shed labels and shame, lean into anxiety, and build better and stronger relationships. Murray’s doctorate is in marriage and family counseling from the University of Florida. Clinically, he combines a pull-no-punches, no-beating-around-the-bush style. His integrated therapy approach has helped folks quiet the mind-chatter that interferes with happiness, intimacy, and quality sexual relationships. Dr. Murray has appeared in numerous venues, including the Huffington Post and The Daily Mail, as well as radio, television and podcasts, including the Practice of Being Seen and Shrink Rap Radio. He’s a highly acclaimed presenter at local, regional, and national conferences on various mental health and relationship topics. Dr. Murray has published numerous articles in professional journals and has had faculty affiliations with UNC Greensboro, Walden University, Lindsey Wilson College, Northwestern University’s Family Institute, the Modern Sex Therapy Institute, and Adler University. In addition to his couples and sex therapy practice, Dr. Murray is passionate about Highly Sensitive Persons, artists, actors, dancers, musicians, and other creative types. With nearly a decade of experience as the director of a counseling center for one of the premier art conservatories in the nation, Dr. Murray integrates knowledge from business, positive psychology, sports psychology, mindfulness, and performance optimization to manifest creative aspirations. Dr. Murray lives in Greensboro, NC, along with his two sons. In addition to his strong passion for sex-positive, clinical practice, and advocacy, Dr. Murray enjoys writing jokes, taking comedy improv courses, cooking and baking, singing, and participating in his faith community. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am joined by the fabulous, Gabrielle Hartley, Esq. Gabrielle is a leading divorce attorney and is the author of Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate. Gabrielle founded the positive divorce movement and is known for keeping 99% of her cases at the negotiation table and out of the courtroom.  With her book, Better Apart, she has created a complete Bible on how to get through your divorce in the most positive and elegant way possible. And I just love that word, elegant. Can you imagine your divorce being described as elegant? Her book is the first of its kind to combine the life-changing and healing wisdom of mindfulness, meditation, and yoga with practical advice and legal wisdom to get the reader through and beyond divorce. I cannot recommend her book highly enough.  Gabrielle joins me to talk about the five elements of the Better Apart Method. She answers the question, “Can divorce really spark joy?” and talks about how to create an elegant divorce for you and your children.  Show Highlights The positive divorce movement can spark the change we need in the world of divorce (3:10) Can divorce really spark joy? (4:02) Clearing the emotional clutter can help regulate your response to common divorce triggers (6:03) If you struggle with responding versus reacting, give yourself the permission you need to make space in your body first (8:20) Creating an elegant divorce for you and your children (13:50) Many of the relationships we have are dictated, partially, in how we interact with those people; plus understanding we are not responsible for others behaviors or choices (16:46) The five elements of the Better Apart Method and some exercises to put them into practice: patience, respect (respecting the process and yourself), peace (noticing the neutral), clarity (where we go from blame game to active visionary), and forgiveness (forgiving yourself will provide emotional freedom). (18:52) In order to move forward, we need to take a big step back; plus how reflective listening and marriage counseling can help you even if you do decide to divorce (37:24) Learn More About Gabrielle: Gabrielle Hartley Esq. , is a leading divorce attorney, mediator, case closer, author and speaker. She founded The Positive Divorce Movement and is the creator of The Better Apart Method. She is known for keeping 99% of her cases at the negotiation table and out of the courtroom.   Her new book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (Harper Collins) is the first book of its kind to combine the life changing, healing wisdom of mindfulness, meditation and yoga with practical advice and legal wisdom to get the reader through and beyond the divorce. Better Apart was named “the conscious uncoupling how-to” by People Magazine. She been featured throughout media channels including The New York Times, U.S. News and World Report, The New York Post,Yoga Journal, Mind Body Green, The Hampshire Gazette, The Brian Lehrer Show.  She is a regular guest and blogger featured on local television and radio as well as dozens of podcasts and blogs around the world.   Gabrielle is on the faculty of The American Bar Association (ABA) Mediation Institute and is a sub-committee chair at the ABA Dispute Resolution Section. She is also a member of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York, The Hampshire Bar Association and the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation. Gabrielle is committed to wellness and technological innovation in the divorce space. She serves as advisor to the FAYR co-parenting application.  She is former Court Attorney to Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.   Gabrielle maintains a private law, mediation and coaching practice in Northampton, Massachusetts and in New York City where she offers live and online consultation and mediation. Work with Gabrielle at gabriellehartley.com.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week’s episode explores the research behind narcissism and how it should inform the way victims should approach negotiation with them. My guest is none other than Rebecca Zung, a top 1 percent attorney in the nation and a globally recognized expert in narcissism negotiation. With two incredible books under her belt, including her new book “Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win,” and the acclaimed “Negotiate Like You Matter: The Surefire Way to Set Up and Win,” Rebecca’s insights are both profound and practical. This episode is packed with invaluable advice and strategies to empower you in dealing with narcissistic personalities. Tune in and prepare to SLAY the bully and negotiate like you matter! Featured topics: Rebecca talks about communication principles and strategies found in her book SLAY the Bully (3:05) We discuss how high-conflict personalities are formed, particularly with a focus on what the research has to say (7:28) You cannot communicate with a narcissistic person like you can a rational or reasonable person (14:35) What causes the trauma bond between a person and a narcissistic partner (17:45) How to approach a narcissist or high-conflict person when a trauma bond exists and the SLAY acronym: Strategy, Leverage, Anticipate, and You (24:59) A reminder to never JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain (28:00) Learn more about Rebecca Zung: Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News as one of the Best Lawyers in America. She’s also a globally recognized Narcissism Negotiation Expert (more than 40 MILLION VIEWS on YouTube in 3 years) and the creator of the SLAY® negotiation method. She is the author of TWO bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom. Rebecca’s perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, Ed Mylett’s Podcast among others. Rebecca’s podcast, Negotiate Your Best Life is ranked in the top .5% of all podcasts globally. She, along with In-N-Out Burger owner, Lynsi Snyder Ellingson, is also the founder of a 501c3, Slay Legal Aid, which provides legal aid to those in need. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Rebecca’s website Rebecca’s book Rebecca on Instagram Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I am talking with Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic about sexual coercion. We discuss how it shows up in relationships and what a woman can do if she is a victim. Dr. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to sexual violence prevention and sex offender public policy. She is also a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, and author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe.  My hope is that through this episode, you can begin to understand that your partner should want you to be an active and willing participant in any sexual behavior. The feelings should be mutual, and sex should not be forced on you.  Show Highlights Dr. Jeglic helps us to understand what sexual coercion is and what it is not. (3:13) Whether you're in a marriage, a dating relationship, or meet a stranger at a party, if you are not able to give consent, it’s rape. (4:58) The impact of our vision around our own sexuality. (7:28) The power of choice comes down to you, your values, and what you consent to. (14:42) Some ways in which sexual coercion shows up in relationships. (15:53) Examples of sexual scripts that show up within society, media, and the entertainment industry. (21:00) It is our responsibility to teach our children what a consensual relationship looks like, how you get consent, and what affirmative consent looks like. (22:32) If you are experiencing sexual coercion in your marriage or have, Dr. Jeglic offers some advice on what to do next. (27:23) How we can teach our children to have healthy, sexual relationships. (30:25) Learn More About Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert, speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to Sexual Violence Prevention and Sex Offender Public Policy. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. She is the author of Protecting your Child from Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence: Evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic has published over 130 articles and book chapters and is an Associate Editor of the Journal Sexual Abuse. Dr. Jeglic's work is frequently quoted in the media, she is a nationally recognized public speaker and has been awarded the Fay Honey Knopp Award for her work preventing sexual violence. Resources & Links:Dr. Jeglic’s website Dr. Jeglic on Twitter  Dr. Jeglic on Facebook  Dr. Jeglic on LinkedIn Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugalShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook GroupThe Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Patti Handy joins me on the podcast to discuss financial management after divorce and ways to regain financial stability. Patti is a Financial Coach for Women with over 20 years of experience as a Financial Advisor and Mortgage Advisor. Her journey into financial coaching was born out of a passion for teaching and empowering women with money smarts. In this episode, Patti shares practical strategies for paying off debt, the key differences between creating a budget and utilizing a spending tracker, and advice for women navigating the complexities of financing a divorce without accumulating excessive debt. Patti also outlines three essential steps when managing finances post-divorce and guidance on where to begin investing.   Featured topics include: Recommendations for paying off debt (8:12) Creating a budget versus a spending tracker (10:40) Advice for women walking the line between financing divorce and piling on debt (13:13) Three steps divorced women should take when it comes to their money (19:49) When it comes to investing, where should someone start? (26:51) Ideas and inspiration to create your side job to help with finances (39:34) Learn more about Patti Handy: After spending a combined 20 years as a Financial Advisor and Mortgage Advisor, and having countless conversations with women, I decided to pursue my dream of Financial Coaching for Women. I'm a teacher at heart and I love to educate and empower women with money smarts! Understanding that money can be an overwhelming topic for many, I'm audaciously passionate about creating financial confidence when it comes to your well-being. This has been the catalyst to follow my passion of empowering and educating women in their financial journey. I am a Certified Executive Coach, Certified Life Coach, hold a Real Estate Brokers license and published author of four books. Full disclosure, I'm a self-proclaimed chocoholic, I love to read, and the beach is my happy place. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-237-from-divorce-to-debt-freedom-with-patti-handy/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” The Divorce Coalition The Divorce Coalition on Instagram Patti’s websitePatti on Facebook Patti on LinkedIn Patti on Instagram TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing.  Obviously, they weren’t doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way? Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom. In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom! In this episode, we discuss how the world’s current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives. Show Highlights Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51) You don’t know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don’t know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31) You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it and work through it. (23:00) If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00) We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00) Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00) Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.: Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life.   Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana Dana’s website Dana Being Dana Finding Common Ground Dana on Facebook Dana on Instagram Dana’s Homecoming Challenge The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sadie Marie of Divorced and Happy joins me for a conversation about why life after divorce is the BEST, and her path of personal growth, self-discovery, and relationships. Sadie Marie empowers divorced men and women globally to embrace the exciting, playful - and even spicy - life that awaits them after divorce.  Our conversation is multifaceted, from feeling disempowered in marriage to reclaiming empowerment. We also touch on navigating divorce within friendships and pursuing genuine happiness. Listen in to hear about Sadie Marie’s joy-filled journey post-divorce. Her journey is a true testament that finding happiness post-divorce is possible!  Featured topics: What it means to be divorced and happy. (4:56) The feeling of being disempowered in marriage to moving to a place of empowerment. (7:17) Sadie shares her journey through fun, play, dating, and sexual exploration. (13:10) Navigating divorce and friendships. (17:39) Becoming a happy person and what the work looks like to get there. (20:13) Vanilla, Strawberry, and Sprinkles! Yes, please. Sadie tells us about her “What’s your dating flavor?” quiz. (31:54) Learn more about Sadie Marie: Sadie Marie, host of Sadie’s Divorced and Happy podcast, empowers divorced men and women globally to embrace the exciting, playful - and even spicy - life that awaits them after divorce. Sadie also produces Divorced and Happy social events in cities across the country, including the Twin Cities, Denver, and Chicago. Learn more at DivorcedandHappy.net  Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word” - audiobook available now! Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Divorced and Happy Sadie Marie on Instagram Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-265-divorced-and-happy-with-sadie-marie/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Everyone is talking about the holiday season. Well, this week we are talking about peak dating season - which is coming up in ten days. Bela Gandhi re-joins me on the podcast to talk about what peak dating season means and how to maximize it. Plus, if you’re feeling resistant or somewhat cynical about dating, like me, Bela shares some advice to help you (and me) work through those feelings.  Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, TEDx speaker, and a media personality who has been featured on most national/local media outlets including Good Morning America, Steve Harvey, the Today Show, Kelly Clarkson, Access, ABC, NBC, Fox, and more. Bela is often referred to as the Fairy Godmother of Dating. And she is! Every time I talk to Bela, I feel confident and am re-energized about dating. Join us for a fun and insightful conversation! Show Highlights Cynicism about dating and what “dateable” means to you. (6:47) What we think of and focus on will grow - if you think everyone is going to be awful, you will be drawn towards the partners who fulfill those prophecies. (9:10) How to maximize peak dating season. (10:29) Dating app communication: Bela shares when it’s appropriate to drop the conversation! (15:53) You want to be with someone who likes you just a little bit more than you like them. (18:09) Why video dating can save you a lot of disappointment and a lot of time. (19:01) Some advice about using dating apps and online dating sites. Quick tip: “Pick one app and get started!” (21:28) Dating profile pictures do’s and don’ts. (29:35) There is no substitute for time in the dating process. (43:44) Learn More About Bela: Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, TEDx speaker, and a media personality who has been featured on most national/local media outlets including Good Morning America, Steve Harvey, the Today Show, Kelly Clarkson, Access, ABC, NBC, Fox, and more.  After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemicals manufacturing company (CCC), where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Fortune 500 company Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships.” SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives – helping them to navigate the ever-changing world of online & in-person dating. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. Clients become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again and find love! Bela attends more weddings than she can count, and loves love.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our society has conditioned us to think that money is gendered and that men are more competent when it comes to matters of money. Further, society tells us that women, because we're “nurturing or caretaking” are not strong enough to handle money. Amanda Steinberg joins me to turn that idea on its head, talk about women’s financial empowerment, and share a roadmap so you can become financially free.  Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers.  I believe you’ll get a lot from our conversation. But if there is one thing you gain from this episode, I hope it’s this: your thoughts and feelings of powerlessness about money are not your fault. As Amanda shares in this episode, “You were socially conditioned to think that you're bad with money. That is how everyone got to continuously take advantage of you for most of your life. And honestly, how you also got rewarded and praised for being a good girl. So don't beat yourself up.” Phew. What a relief, right? Show Highlights What led Amanda to create a company that focuses on women’s financial independence. (5:26) Amanda shares her own story around money, which started at the age of six. (6:43) We have collective money stories and then we have individual stories. (9:21) Amanda’s thoughts on her vision for men and women during this time of change in which we are liberated from these preconceived notions of who we are supposed to be. (13:57) Busting the cultural myth that men are providers and women are caretakers. (15:00) Financial advice for women going through divorce. (16:56) Amanda created DailyWorth because she wanted to connect women's self-worth to their net worth. (18:29) A women’s roadmap to financial independence. (39:17) Learn More About Amanda: Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers. After DailyWorth was acquired, she moved into politics as the lead digital fundraiser for Marianne Williamson for President. Today she's the Cofounder of HigherU, a digital training company for social impact entrepreneurs. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, 2 children, 2 stepchildren, and 2 large Maine Coon cats. Resources & Links: HigherU Amanda on Twitter Amanda on Facebook Amanda on Instagram JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am kicking off a new series for August all around neurodivergence in relationships. With my amazing lineup, we delve into topics like ADHD, autism, and other spectrum disorders within a family and how they might affect various aspects of your divorce.  This week I wanted to take a few moments to introduce the series to you. Throughout the month, you’ll hear from incredible guests like: Dr. Amelia Kelley Tara McMullin Zawn Villines Tracy Otsuka These amazing women share their insights and strategies for embracing the unique gifts and challenges that come with being neurodivergent. In this episode, I also open up about my own experiences co-parenting a child who has ADHD.  Here’s why you should tune in: This series is not just about understanding neurodivergence; it's about empowering you with the knowledge and tools to navigate these unique challenges. Whether you're dealing with neurodivergent individuals in your own life or simply want to be a more informed and compassionate ally, this series offers invaluable perspectives and practical advice you won't want to miss. Resources & Links: Private Coaching with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-283-neurodivergence-in-relationships-intro-to-the-series/ =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alyssa Dineen, founder of Style My Profile, joins me to talk about the ins and outs of online dating after divorce. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the dating apps, unsure how to craft a compelling profile, or just wondering if you're ready to date, Alyssa’s expertise will help you navigate it all. Together, we tackle the realities of modern dating, from building a profile that actually sparks conversations to avoiding burnout in the endless swipe cycle. Alyssa also shares her own post-divorce dating journey, including how she found love after leaving an abusive marriage. She also shares the key strategies she uses with her clients to help them date with intention. You’ll also hear: The biggest mistakes people make with their dating profiles (5:24) How dating can help you re-discover who you are after divorce (7:23) The ‘date uniform’ strategy that makes getting ready effortless (37:46) The first date, avoiding dating burnout, and enjoying the process (26:37) Learn more about Alyssa Dineen: With over 25 years of experience as a fashion editor, stylist, and art director, Alyssa established herself as a seasoned leader in the New York fashion world. In the past decade, Alyssa has also emerged as a pioneering figure in the online dating space. Her innovative approach combines her expertise in styling with her insights into dating, guiding clients on everything from personal presentation to effective communication with potential partners. As an acclaimed dating expert, Alyssa has been featured in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and Oprah Daily. She is also the author of The Art of Online Dating published by Harper Collins in 2021, which offers valuable strategies for success in online dating. You can find more information about Alyssa and Style My Profile’s services at stylemyprofilenyc.com. Resources & Links: Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025 Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Style My Profile website Alyssa is also offering 20% off her Mindful Dating 101 course and DIY Profile Kit to DSG listeners! Use code DSG20 at checkout. Alyssa on Instagram Style My Profile on Instagram Alyssa’s Facebook Group for: Empowered Women Moving Forward in the Modern Dating World =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-309-online-dating-after-divorce-with-alyssa-dineen/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

November is Family Court Awareness Month. My friend and colleague, Tina Swithin, has dedicated the month of November to educating people about the family court system: how corrupt it can be, how unfair it is, and how uneducated most people in the family law system are about domestic violence. Tina was a guest on my podcast a few years back to share the truths about the family court system. If you fear you may end up in the family court system, you must listen to this episode. It will help you understand what family court is designed to do and enable you to prepare yourself to battle within the court system, which is not designed to protect you.  Listen to hear (or re-hear) this incredible conversation about family court awareness.    Featured topics include: Family Court Awareness Month is an opportunity for survivors to raise awareness at a community level.  The family court system is abusive. How we can come together to increase awareness.  The disconnect between family court and other judicial systems. There is no regulation or checks and balances. Very few states have required trauma-informed or domestic violence training for family court judges.  We examine how judges become appointed family law judges.  What you can expect when advocating for yourself in the family court system.  Learn more about Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Known for her internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle” and her book series, “Divorcing a Narcissist,” Tina helps survivors to navigate the family court system against narcissists and other toxic individuals. In 2020, Tina launched two major projects: The High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program and a nationwide campaign, Family Court Awareness Month.   The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is to raise awareness and shine a spotlight on one of the most important branches of our judicial system; the family court system. The very system that was established to govern family law cases and make decisions that are “in the best interest” of children, has some undeniable shortcomings that warrant conversations, solutions and ultimately, change.   The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is fueled by the desire for a family court system that is trauma-informed and educated on domestic violence, coercive control and post separation abuse. To truly act in the best interest of children, our family court system needs to incorporate empirical data and research into their decisions and rulings.  Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-241-family-court-awareness-month-with-tina-swithin/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” and Grab Your Bonuses!Domestic Violence Training: Bridging the Gap in Divorce Law with Kate Anthony on The Divorce and Beyond Podcast #318 Family Court AwarenessOne Mom’s BattleTina on FacebookTina on InstagramTina on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week we talked about mediation with Susan Guthrie. This week, as we continue Legal Month on the pod, we’re exploring the concept of Collaborative Divorce with Andrea Vacca. Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.    Andrea describes Collaborative Divorce as a team approach to divorce. And it is a legal process. The process includes creating a roadmap for your divorce and specifically details the jobs for each member of the team, including: How you will be working together The need for transparency and honesty How the process will come to an end When you’re getting divorced, you’re looking to the adults in the room to help you through it. Many times, the adults are litigators who are committed to an adversarial process. When that’s the case, they may not be looking for what’s best for you or your family.  And here’s the thing: just because your marriage is ending, your family can remain intact. It may look different, but it doesn’t have to be fraught with anxiety, or animosity.   Collaborative Divorce offers a way to bring respect to the divorce process and work with professionals who model the behavior you wish to express. In the end, everyone’s going to be better off; you, your spouse, and most importantly, your children.   Show Highlights Collaborative Divorce - what the hell is it? (7:37) The difference between mediation and Collaborative Divorce (10:25) How Andrea came to work in Collaborative Divorce (11:00) Collaborative colleagues offer a different mindset to divorce (21:00) How to know whether you should meditate or do Collaborative Divorce (15:26) Andrea shares the story of her parents’ divorce and how it affected her family (30:04) How to start a conversation about Collaborative Divorce with your spouse (40:00) What is positive psychology and how it plays into Andrea’s work as a Collaborative professional (43:16) Collaborative Divorce can help high-conflict couples through the divorce process (48:00) Learn More About Andrea Vacca:Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.    After practicing traditional, litigation-focused family law for many years, Andrea’s firm now works only with clients who want to keep their divorces out of court and want their prenuptial and postnuptial agreements negotiated in a non-adversarial manner.    Andrea regularly lectures, writes and blogs on the topics of collaborative law, mediation, and topics related to non-adversarial family law.  In addition to having a B.A. and J.D, Andrea also has a Certificate in Positive Psychology and regularly applies what she has learned to help her clients navigate their divorces, including having a growth mindset, being resilient and encouraging mindfulness.  Andrea is the author of the recently published ebook Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution and is a co-author of the book, Onward & Upward: A Guide For Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues.   Resources & Links: Andrea’s websiteAndrea on LinkedInAndrea on Facebook Andrea on Instagram Andrea on YouTube Andrea’s Blog Sign up for Andrea’s ebook, “Divorce Without Court” and my monthly newsletter  The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I am doing something on the podcast I don’t normally do—featuring a story of someone within my community. My guest, L, joins me for a conversation about how her ex-husband contested their custody agreement after he learned of L’s postings of adult content online. The case and the subsequent judgment ended up being a huge step for women and women's sexual liberation in divorce.  Along with her attorney, Jonathan, L discusses why it may have been easier to concede and take down the explicit online content, yet chose to fight the allegations (and ensuing custody battle) instead. Plus, Jonathan explains how this case can be used as legal precedent for future cases.  L, who is using an alias for this podcast, is a long-time member of the Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook group and worked through my program while going through her divorce in 2021. She’s a successful career executive, mom to a 7-year-old daughter, and an advocate for sexual freedom, having been a member of her local BDSM and kink communities for two years. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-231-the-legal-battle-for-womens-sexual-freedom/ Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”  National Coalition for Sexual FreedomJD Lane LawRedacted Judge Ruling from L’s custody modification case TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM  An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?  DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered what it’s like being a child of divorced parents? This week, Bella Duncan of a Kid With Two Homes joins me to share her experience as a child of divorce. She shares her experiences of divorce, separation, and family conflict.  Bella is determined to make a change for the better. She has gone between two homes since her parents divorced when she was three years old. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face as a young adults. I learned a lot from my conversation with Bella. She is so smart and insightful at such a young age. She is truly remarkable.  Show Highlights Why Bella stresses the importance of communication skills between kids and their divorced parents (8:35) What high conflict means to a child of divorce and how it feels to be the child in the middle (12:47) “Being in the middle makes you feel like you are responsible for your parents’ conflict.” (15:52) Accepting your parents' divorce is an ongoing process and something you have to consistently work on, even as a young adult (22:47) A reminder that your child’s perspective about your divorce can be vastly different from your own (25:09) Why a child should never feel responsible or guilty about spending quality time with their parents (32:03) How parents can do better for children of divorce (39:18) Learn more about Bella Duncan: Bella is an empowered kid of divorce who is determined to make change for the better. Currently, at 23, Bella has recently completed a Bachelor of Law and a Bachelor of Psychology. Bella has gone between two homes since her parents divorced at age three. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face. As a young adult, she was inspired to provide a helpful resource to help kids of divorce feel seen, heard, and less alone. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/a-kid-with-two-homes-with-bella-duncan/ Submit your questions for a future Q&A episode!A Kid with Two Homes Bella’s Packing Instagram video postBella on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you ready to take your sexy back? As we enter another week of sex and intimacy month on the podcast, I am bringing you one of my favorite people to talk to about sex and relationships, Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Dr. Solomon is the author of the books Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University.  In this episode, we talk about the various ways women can reclaim their sexuality after divorce. We discuss the importance of attaching sexuality to oneself as opposed to someone else, shifting the way we teach and talk about sex, and how being vulnerable can aid in sexual healing. Divorce can leave you feeling broken and unsexy, but you really can own your sexuality and create the life you desire -- even in midlife! Show Highlights What prompted Dr. Alexandra to write “Taking Sexy Back,” and how it stresses the importance of reclaiming your sexuality. (3:00) Attaching sexuality to ourselves rather than to someone else. (5:59) Changing and shifting the way we teach sex education. (8:00) How the patriarchy has impacted women's sexual ownership and sexual power. (13:46) The spectrum of sexual coercion and manipulation. (20:00) Risk, trust, self-compassion, and consent. (29:05) How couples can navigate desire discrepancy. (36:02) How to talk about sex safely with your partner, when it doesn't feel that safe. (45:00) Learn More About Dr. Alexandra SolomonDr. Alexandra Solomon is a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017) and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (New Harbinger, 2020). She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family and is a regular contributor at Psychology Today. You can connect with Dr. Solomon at DrAlexandraSolomon.com. Resources & Links: DrAlexandraSolomon.comLoving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships Dr. Alexandra Solomon on InstagramDr. Alexandra Solomon on FacebookDr. Alexandra Solomon on TwitterDr. Alexandra Solomon on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am back with another solo episode this week. October is domestic violence awareness month, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about a specific type of domestic violence: emotional abuse. Yes, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence.  Talking about emotional abuse is part of my healing, my personal journey, and my growth. So much of the work that we do in my Facebook group is around helping women identify emotional abuse and come to terms with the fact that that’s what's happening to them. We have to talk about emotional abuse.   We have to talk about it because the more we talk about it, the more we realize we are not alone.   When women talk about abuse and relate to each other's stories, that's when we rise up and say, “Oh, hell no. No fucking more.” Show Highlights Owning your victimhood is very important. It is one of the most powerful things you can do. (2:43) You are never going to agree with your abuser about the narrative. But you get to have your narrative and you get to own it. (8:39) Signs of emotional abuse seen during the traffic stop in the case of Gabby Petito and what the police could have done differently. (11:53) Gaslighting creates and distorts your perception of reality. (13:21) Emotional abuse can look very different from person to person and relationship to relationship. (20:44) Abuse has nothing to do with an abuser’s feelings. It’s about control and entitlement. (23:52) You are not crazy, trust your perceptions! (27:49) Resources & Links: For show notes and resources, also visit:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/shedding-light-on-emotional-abuse/ Divorce Survival Program is here!  Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I often talk about my co-parenting relationship with my ex, and how hard we've worked to make it good. But that's not the whole story, and it's not always possible for everyone. Reading an article in Time Magazine by Jessica Henriquez called Raising My Son With My Ex-Husband is the Hardest Thing I've Done made me want to come clean about a few things... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My good friend and colleague, Michelle Dempsey-Multack, returns for a conversation about the challenges with divorce litigation and the best interest of children, co-parenting do’s and don’ts, and raising a healthy child post-divorce. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce and move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience, and she brings all the wisdom to this episode. Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys. Featured topics include: The issues with “in the best interest of the children” in divorce litigation (2:41) Why it is important to know how to determine what is in the best interest of the children (7:13) When equal shared parenting isn’t something to jump right into, instead, take a step-up approach to shared parenting (8:39)  Addressing abuse in divorce—including spousal abuse, post-separation abuse, and abuse perpetrated by the courts (14:06) The impact of talking negatively about the other co-parent to your children (18:46) Age-appropriate truth in co-parenting is healthy (23:15) Some co-parenting do’s and don’ts to follow (38:22) Learn more about Michelle Dempsey-Multack: Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches. and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys.  Michelle's passion for "putting the child first" in the divorce process while helping everyone she reaches feel supported and empowered, makes her a sought after coach by clients as well as divorce industry professionals from around the globe. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce as they move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience - one that their kids can be proud of one day. Michelle solidified her place as a thought leader in the divorce space with the recent publication of her bestselling book, Moms Moving On: Real Life Advice on Conquering Divorce, Co-Parenting Through Conflict, and Becoming Your Best Self from Simon and Schuster.  Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-224-the-best-interest-of-the-children-unraveling-divorce-litigation-with-michelle-dempsey-multack/ Grit and Grace Coaching with Kate Michelle’s websiteMichelle on InstagramEpisode 211: Walking an Impossible Line: Talking Honestly with Your Kids About Their Other Parent ========= Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE! ============================================================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joining me this week is Seth Nelson, family lawyer and host of the podcast, How to Split a Toaster. He is going to help us break down divorce law in the United States - because not only can it be overwhelming, it can be confusing, and frustrating. The good news is that there are some universal truths to divorce law that can help you maneuver through the court system and work with your lawyer with ease. After law school, Seth found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives - divorce. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through. I am thrilled to welcome him to the show. Show Highlights How to know when you should hire or consult with a lawyer for your divorce. (8:39) All of the items you should consider (and prepare) for your first legal consultation. (10:51) Seth takes us through his PEACE acronym: Parenting plan, Equitable distribution, Alimony analysis, Child support, and Everything else. (11:21) Some state laws require couples to be legally separated for one year before they can divorce. So, what does that actually mean? Seth explains. (20:36) The best way to communicate with your lawyer. (25:02) How to ensure you are receiving copies of all documents that get filed with the court system (and why you should have copies too). (32:38) How to know if you have a really shitty attorney. (34:13) Your primary legal goal: to have great representation, have someone help you through the process as economically feasible, and get a great outcome. (38:20) Learn More About Seth: Seth Nelson is a Tampa-based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems. “I have been through a divorce and have a young child. As difficult as the divorce process can be, especially when there are kids involved, things will get better,” he said when asked about the divorce process.  From an early age, he has always wanted to help people. After law school, he found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through.  Seth focuses on Florida divorce law, Florida family law, and Florida family law mediation. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Florida’s College of Law. After law school, he clerked for the Honorable John C. Godbold, Senior Circuit Judge for the United States Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. Returning home to Tampa, he then worked for other Florida law firms before establishing his own practice in South Tampa. Since 2008, he has been the sole shareholder of Nelson Koster.  Seth is a registered mediator with the Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator Association and is currently a Member of the Executive Council for the Stann Givens Family Law Inns of Court. He also served as the Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hillsborough County Bar Association and continues to serve on its Executive Council. He has been given excellent ratings by Superlawyers and Avvo Ratings and has been honored to receive Super Lawyer’s2012 Rising Star award and 2014, 2015 2016, 2017, and 2018 Super Lawyer awards.  In How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships, Nelson and co-host Pete Wright take on the challenge of divorce with a central objective — saving your most important relationships with your family, your former spouse, and yourself.  Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-split-a-toaster-and-other-divorce-law-truths-with-seth-nelson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Solo episode alert! This is more than any regular solo episode, though, because today I’m super excited to share a chapter from my upcoming book, The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. The book comes out on December 26th, but in this episode, you’re getting a sneak peek as I read Chapter 3, “Why Are Women so Unhappy in Their Marriages? How Marriage Exhausts Women and Benefits Men.”   This chapter explores how systemic issues and inequalities play a significant role in marriage. The unequal distribution of responsibilities, including domestic labor, emotional labor, and the "mental load," places a substantial burden on women within these partnerships. No wonder women are exhausted! Also, in this chapter (and episode), I explore one of my favorite topics, Not Your Fucking Job™. For example, it is not your fucking job to tell a grown-ass human being that the laundry needs to be done or that dinner needs to be made, or that the kids need a bath, or that you're out of toothpaste.  I hope you enjoy this special episode and Chapter Three of The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. There’s so much information that I am passionate about and want you to have, and I’ve tried to cover it all in this book. The D Word is dedicated to my son, but it is also dedicated to women everywhere. It's dedicated to you because you, my love, deserve to be happy.  Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-240-introducing-the-d-word-making-the-ultimate-decision-about-your-marriage/   DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am talking about the importance of finding and utilizing the proper support tools as you go through the most transitional time in your life. The topic was inspired by my Facebook group, where I’ve been seeing a stream of really long posts. And what that says to me is that women are looking for ways to offload, mirror, and vent about the toxic and oftentimes abusive relationships they are in.  But loves, if you are someone who is expressing your feelings in such a way—whether it’s in a Facebook group or to a group of friends, you don’t just need support, you need therapy (or a divorce coach or both). So in this episode, I offer gentle reminders about being present to your own experience, using the right tools for healing, surrounding yourself with those who aren’t energy sucks, and being mindful of how you use your time. Show Highlights When you are in a crisis you need a team - the right team. Guarding your boundaries and being mindful of where you are placing your energy. Consciously lean into the relationships that feed your soul. Focus on yourself and your feelings as you go through this process of healing, transition, and change.  How are you utilizing your time? Are you giving yourself time for rest? Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/finding-and-utilizing-the-right-support-tools/ The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go? Facebook Group How to Choose a Good Therapist with Katie Thompson, LPC, CEDS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you spend most of the time feeling like you are doing parenting all wrong? Are you often doling out punishments but really wish you had more connection and calm with your kids? Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach, returns for a conversation about how to let go of punishments and find peace in parenting instead.  Parenting without the use of threats, bribes, and consequences is possible. But can you raise a great kid without using these parenting tactics? The answer is “Yes!” In this episode, Michelle breaks down how to parent without yelling or using manipulative methods. And, y’all, I learned so much from this conversation. I hope you will too!  Michelle is a mother of two, and after years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. Today Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.    Featured topics include: Parenting without yelling or consequences starts with creating a connection with your child (3:48) Mutual cooperation is the goal (8:21) How to co-parent with someone who has a different parenting style (9:10) Punishment erodes trust and engagement; instead, aim for empathy and holding boundaries (14:32) Some ways to build and foster connection with your children (22:54) How to take care of yourself while parenting (27:48) Learn more about Michelle Kenney: Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls, 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative. Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to overcoming difficulties. Michelle has helped herself, and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education, speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator, and is an ADL Trainer fighting against bias of all types on school campuses. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-221-parenting-with-peace-letting-go-of-punishments-and-finding-connection-with-michelle-kenney/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Michelle’s website Unpunished: How to Let Go of Punishments and Find Your Parenting Peace ========= DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Natalie Jones is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, “Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?” I’m excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist What it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being “love bombed,” and not stepping outside of the “bubble” How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries Addressing grief of the broken fantasy Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite our relationship story Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child Learn More About Dr. Jones: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links:Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones’ social media links Dr. Jones on Instagram A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on Facebook A Date with Darkness Facebook Page A Date with Darkness Facebook Group Dr. Jones on Twitter A Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources: The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Merriam-Webster Word of the Year for 2022 was Gaslighting. Last year, the word experienced a 1,740% increase in lookups, yet there is still much to learn—and many myths to bust.  In this episode, fan-favorite Dr. Amelia Kelley returns to discuss healing from gaslighting. Together we shed light on the insidious nature of gaslighting and the importance of healing and self-care. Dr. Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trainer, podcaster, and writer in the “science-help” field, focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.  We explore how gaslighting is used to maintain power and control over someone and how it can lead to self-doubt and a lack of confidence. Dr. Kelley shares the steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting and stresses the importance of self-care to self-regulate and fortify yourself against this deceptive form of abuse. Featured topics include: The misconception of gaslighting: what it is and what it isn’t (2:25) The effects of gaslighting on a victim’s mental health (4:20) Dr. Kelley addresses the question, “Is lying gaslighting?” (10:14) You cannot heal from trauma that you are still experiencing (20:08) The steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting include becoming aware, getting outside feedback, and boundary setting (21:39) What self-care looks like during the healing process (43:17) Self-regulation for chronic stress when being emotionally abused (59:40) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.  Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio’s Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS’s Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley. Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/healing-from-gaslighting-with-dr-amelia-kelley/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.And holy cow, it’s a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income.  She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this.  *Please note this episode was recorded on 5/21/20. While advice is still relevant, listeners are encouraged to consider that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating an environment that changes rapidly, and new announcements, rules, regulations, etc. continue to evolve. Show Highlights What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse’s change in income due to COVID-19.  (6:00) How to prepare for a drop in income. (13:00) If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. (16:00) The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. (19:00) The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. (21:00) Rent and eviction moratoriums. (27:32) Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? (31:00) What you should know about auto loans and student loans. (33:00) Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. (41:00) Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. (53:53) Learn More About Kimberly:Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual. Resources & Links: Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm super excited to bring you my latest podcast episode with my dear friend Andrea Owen of Your Kick-Ass Life. I've been a guest on Andrea's podcast quite a number of times now, so I feel honored to finally have her on mine! Andrea and I have spoken many times privately over the years about the grief that goes along with divorce, most importantly the unexpected grief of losing precious extended family. For both Andrea and me, our in-laws were very much like a family we'd never had, and we were both completely taken by surprise by how much losing them in our divorces ripped us apart. (Spoiler, the fact that I have a kid has helped me stay connected to my in-laws, while not having kids with her first husband gave no reason for Andrea to stay connected to hers.) Andrea is a life coach, an author, and a hell-raiser, with a passion for empowering women to value themselves and to fiercely love who they are. She helps high-achieving women to let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation- and choose courage and confidence instead. Listen in today to hear what Andrea has to share with you about dealing with the difficult emotions that result from going through a divorce. Show Highlights: Andrea shares her divorce story. Coping with the grief of losing a dream — and a family. The idea of conscious uncoupling was not yet on the table when Andrea and I got divorced and that impacted both of our experiences. Most of us don't want to deal with grief so it follows us everywhere and becomes a weight on our shoulders. The importance of communicating through transitions — including with your in-laws. The importance of setting and holding really firm boundaries throughout your divorce with all the various people in your life and family. Coping with guilt and shame. Taking responsibility for your mistakes can help prevent creating negative patterns in future relationships. We talk about how 12-step work has helped both of us, and how learning about our character defects has been really helpful to our growth. Andrea, who is certified in the work of Brené Brown, teaches Shame Resilience. Resources: “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Links: Andrea's website: www.yourkickasslife.com Andrea's podcast: http://yourkickasslife.com/blog/ Kate’s episodes on Andrea’s podcast: An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony, Part Deux Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture, Part Deux Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry’s List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry’s List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago.  MIry’s story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, “What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?” And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms.  Show Highlights Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. (12:18) The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry’s List. (16:10) The story of how Miry’s List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. (18:27) Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. (38:51) How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. (53:58) Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry’s List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she’s had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help.  She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life’s passion into a movement. Resources & Links: World Refugee Day Miry’s List The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tracy Coenen is a forensic accountant who has been investigating fraud for more than twenty-five years. This year she released the Divorce Money Guide to help people in the process of divorce take control of their finances.  In this episode, Tracy joins me for a conversation about becoming your own forensic accountant. Becoming your own forensic accountant helps you to gain agency, clarity, and understanding—and take back the power of your financial situation. Show Highlights Why you might need a forensic accountant: it all comes down to money shenanigans! (6:18) Don’t feel ashamed about anything that happened with marital money - figure out where you are today and take some control back (9:35) What to do if your spouse refuses to answer questions about finances (12:04) Get into gathering mode - gather all of the financial information you can (12:50) Red flags that there might be something amiss with marital finances (15:32) How to objectively assess any red flags you are seeing (19:36) Taking agency and control over the finances in your marriage (22:48) How to know when you need to hire a professional (32:32) If you understand your money, you can get a better settlement in your divorce (35:09) Learn more about Tracy Coenen: Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/becoming-your-own-forensic-accountant-with-tracy-coenen Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us!Tracy on InstagramTracy on LinkedInUse Code DSG to get $100 off Tracy’s Divorce Money Guide TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™.  Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up.  In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it’s emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown.   But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first.  I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.  Show Highlights Wendy’s story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59) Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01) When Wendy’s marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn’t fulfil her. (19:09) Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27) What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11) The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11) Learn More About Wendy: Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog.  Resources & Links: Wendy’s website Wendy on Facebook Wendy on Instagram Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join me this week for an enlightening discussion with Priscilla Gilman, acclaimed author of the upcoming paperback release of her critically acclaimed memoir, The Critic's Daughter. Priscilla, a former professor of English literature at Yale and Vassar, brings a wealth of insight as we explore the intricacies of co-parenting and divorce. Beyond her literary achievements, Priscilla is one of my oldest friends, which adds a personal touch to our conversation.  The Critic's Daughter becomes a guide on what not to do when faced with the complexities of divorce, providing a personal and poignant account of Priscilla’s experiences. It's a rare opportunity to glimpse into my childhood, too, and witness the powerful narrative of Priscilla's parents' divorce – a tale of resilience, hardship, and the mistakes made during an era when people simply didn’t know how to get divorced without deeply affecting their children. Learn more about Priscilla Gilman: Priscilla Gilman is a former professor of English literature at both Yale University and Vassar College and the author of The Anti-Romantic Child: A Story of Unexpected Joy (Harper), and The Critic's Daughter (Norton). The Anti-Romantic Child was excerpted in Newsweek magazine and featured on the cover of its international edition. It received starred reviews in Publishers Weekly and Booklist, was an NPR Morning Edition Must-Read, Slate‘s Book of the Week, one of the year’s Best Books for the Leonard Lopate Show and The Chicago Tribune, and one of five nominees for a Books for a Better Life Award for Best First Book. Andrew Solomon called it “rapturously beautiful and deeply moving, profound, and marvelous.” Gilman’s second book, The Critic’s Daughter, was published by W.W. Norton in February 2023 (paperback February 2024); a memoir about her relationship with her brilliant and complicated father, the late drama and literary critic Richard Gilman, it is set in the heyday of intellectual culture in New York of the 1970s and 80s. The Critic's Daughter received starred reviews in Kirkus and Booklist; Nick Hornby called it “Beautiful: honest, raw, careful, soulful, brave and incredibly readable.” It was a Washington Post Best Book of 2023, a New York Times Book Critics' Favorite Book of 2023, one of the Los Angeles Times' book critic and Book Maven Bethanne Patrick's Top 10 Non-Fiction Books of 2023, one of the "18 Books Lilith magazine Loved in 2023," and 3rd on Bookreporter's Harvey Freedenburg's Favorite Books of 2023. Since 2011, Gilman has taught literature and writing in countless settings. She was the parenting/education advice columnist for #1 New York Times bestselling author Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution website. She speaks frequently at schools, conferences, and organizations about parenting, education, autism, and the arts. In 2018, she became a certified Mindfulness and Loving-Kindness meditation teacher. Resources & Links: Kate’s book “The D Word Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Priscilla’s websiteThe Critic’s DaughterPriscilla on InstagramPriscilla on Facebook Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-251-reflections-on-the-critics-daughter-with-priscilla-gilman/ TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: PRIMIS BANKGet started navigating your new financial picture with Primis Bank. For terms and conditions, visit primisbank.com/dsg. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Jonathon Aslay, America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach, joins me to discuss the importance of learning how to love yourself. In this episode, Jonathon shares his divorce story and his journey to self-love, and how that journey prepared him for the biggest hardship yet to come. His story is a powerful testament to personal development and self-work. As you’ve heard me say before, there was a (large) part of me that died in my marriage. And I will say it again and again, the greatest gift to myself (and to my ex) was to leave my marriage. As Jonathon so eloquently put it, “This experience called life, is our experience first.” It’s okay to end a relationship that does not serve you or your partner. Our conversation today is a great reminder that there are ways to coexist but not stay married, and ways to begin a journey of experiencing life on your own terms.  I’ll leave you some of Jonathon’s words of wisdom, “Divorce is the unraveling of one’s former tapestry and that takes its toll. If one chooses to begin to work on themselves, they will be much more prepared when it happens.”  (And, shameless plug, this is exactly what we do in my program!)  Show Highlights Jonathon’s experience with divorce and what he had hoped he learned about marriage beforehand (5:00) Through relationships we learn about ourselves (9:29) Some things men and women do that scream, “I’m wounded and haven’t healed yet!” (10:00) His online dating addiction after divorce and how he transformed from living life from an egoic place to how he now sees and experiences life; through the eyes of love (13:18) If you are on a spiritual path and your partner is not, what do you do? (17:06) Staying in a marriage ‘out of obligation’ and why that’s not enough (21:03) Men are nesters in a relationship and women are the container of the heart for a relationship; plus what that all means (21:33) Emotional connections and why communication is a skill we don’t readily have (27:00) It’s a daily practice to invest in oneself, because it begins to strengthen us from the inside out (32:31) How the daily investing in himself prepared Jonathon for a devastating loss, the loss of his 19-year old son (35:41) Whether we’re grieving loss of child, parent, loved one, job or marriage, the work we do on ourselves prepares us (38:00) Personal development is not just for women, self-love and self-help is for everyone (43:00) Learn More About Jonathon: The focus of one of America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach has expanded into a deeper, essential philosophy of what it truly means to LOVE.     After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon Aslay’s grief led him on a soul-searching inner journey, where he became aware of an often-overlooked dimension of the dating conversation.    He realized that the process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love.     Today, he is on a mission of encouraging both men and women to fully love themselves with a new book, "What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway?"—packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices—and his dynamic Mid-Life Love Mastery mentorship program, that inspires hundreds of people daily, around the world.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices