The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle (Anna Runkle)

People who grew up with trauma in childhood often have a strong tendency to ISOLATE. One major reason is that interactions with people are TRIGGERING. Here are some of the common reasons people trigger us, with tips on how to CALM triggers and build more CONNECTION and social freedom.

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As a child, you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who endured deep neglect as a child and has used magical thinking to tolerate rejection and grief as she lives in the house of an ex for who she still has romantic feelings.

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The problem with Childhood PTSD is that when we fall in love, the traumatized part of our brain kicks in and hijacks perception, driving us to to cling when it's time to step back, or even run. How can you change your trauma-driven dating patterns, and open the door to real love?

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Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to our ability to connect with others. That's why so many adults who were traumatized as kids struggle with relationships, feeling disconnected in relationships or avoiding any deep or lasting connections. In this episode, you'll hear an expert from my online course, "Healing Childhood PTSD," you can learn about how early trauma impacts our ability to connect and walks you step by step toward the path of healing.

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Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that you weren’t valued, your existence was a secret someone's "real" relationship, relegating you to the status of "side chick?" The consequences of this pattern don’t just daw you to the wrong person; the pattern leads to behaviors that drive away good people who would otherwise seek a relationship with you. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman trying to find a way to either forget or transform a relationship with a man who treats her as a secret girlfriend.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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People whose childhood emotional needs were neglected are often drawn into "limerent" relationships -- an infatuation or obsession with someone unavailable, uninterested, or unknown to you. This consuming kind of love (that gives nothing back) can devastate your happiness and leave you chronically isolated. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who has loved a man she barely knows for years. Find out how to spot the signs of limerence, and what you can do to heal.

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If your life feels empty and lonely, despite the fact that you do all the things that are supposed to fill up your life -- you might be a COVERT AVOIDER. This is common for adults with CPTSD, who grew up with abuse and neglect. You might have a good career, you’re friendly, you’re interesting, there are people in your life -- but if you feel like nothing is CONNECTING, if it's all superficial and not giving you happiness, it’s time to ask yourself if you’re secretly AVOIDING your own life.

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In this EXCERPT from my most popular online course, Healing Childhood PTSD, I summarize new research demonstrating that conventional CPTSD treatments for the effects of childhood trauma are not likely to work -- and I teach about what DOES work.

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We're all sick and tired of people who not only push their opinions, but demand that you agree with them! People with CPTSD are particularly vulnerable to losing themselves in the presence of people who's agenda (or opinions) are stronger than theirs. Here are five steps to strengthen yourself against "Opinion Bullies."

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Lately, a lot of people who grew up with childhood trauma are going “no contact” with their families and loved ones. I hear people talking about it with relief and sometimes a sense of accomplishment. For many people, the abuse was egregious and may be ongoing; in these cases, walking away for good may be necessary and courageous. For others, going no-contact is an emergency form of self-protection that, over time, may not need to be permanent.

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You’ve probably noticed this: While there are people out there working for solutions and supporting those of us who want to recover from the effects of abuse and neglect in childhood, there are a large number, right in our midst, who want you (who think they NEED you) to stay damaged and a victim forever.

What can you do to distance yourself from discouragement and negativity? In this episode, I teach strategies to stay strong and avoid the temptation to stay stuck, so that others won't leave you.

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If you look around all the friends and partners you’ve let into your life... and discover that there’s a high proportion of troubled people and jerks, guess what? Your red flag detector is broken! It’s supposed to be warning you when bad people try to walk into your life (this goes for bosses and jobs too) you’re supposed to get a bad feeling, a sense of aversion to people and situations that are going to hurt you!

What shuts down that crucial function, is abuse and neglect in your childhood. It’s not your fault that this happened. But now it’s you and only you who can start healing that red flag detector!

People with Childhood PTSD and CPTSD too often go through life either alone, or in relationships where we’re not loved, not safe, and NOT HAPPY. If you’re wondering why you keep attracting people who are either not functional, not "into" you, or outright hurtful to you -- you’re going to listen to this episode. I'll tell you the steps it takes to change the signals you're sending to help the RIGHT person find you.

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Brain fog is common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect -- that feeling of fuzzy-headedness, loss of focus (and sometimes memory) that make it a struggle to enjoy life and reach goals. Brain fog is one of the worst symptoms of Complex PTSD, yet it’s almost never talked about. Here are three powerful ways to break through and get back your mental clarity.

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Survivors of abuse and neglect in childhood often struggle to form and maintain good relationships. Trauma can injure our capacity to connect, but the bigger problem is that we have trauma-related BEHAVIORS -- sometimes subtle -- that push people away. In this episode, I talk about three common behaviors in adults with CPTSD, that could be blocking your ability to enjoy authentic, two-way connection with friends or potential partners.

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You've heard of red flags, but what are the signs that someone might be a great partner? In this episode, I list what I call "green lights" - the signs that someone has what it takes for a good relationship.

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People who were traumatized in the past can be blind to dating red flags -- or you see them but ignore them! Here are 12 signs that someone is either unavailable, not into you, or just plain BAD for you. 

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Love is powerful: Even people whose parents exploited them still feel love, still long to be loved. Surviving abuse depended once on tolerating and fitting yourself to people who could not fully love. As an adult, this tendency keeps you trapped in half-love relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner holds her at arms length with a lingering connection to his ex.

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You may have suspected that abuse and neglect in your childhood still affects you now, or that you developed Complex PTSD as a result of what happened. Here are 12 signs of CPTSD that you can compare to the symptoms you experience.

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So many people who endured abuse and neglect as children are STILL waiting to find real help for their trauma-related problems today. You hear people say “oh you should go to therapy --it totally changed my life!" and you think "I WISH I could find something like that but WHERE?" In this podcast, I teach you ten qualities to look for in a therapist who can help you heal from CPTSD.

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"You've got to learn to feel your feelings" is not always helpful advice for people who grew up with neglect and abuse. Emotional dysregulation is a common, normal, adult symptom of of complex PTSD that can make emotions too big, too intense, and even destructive to your life. Here's how to notice when your emotions are dysregulated, and what you can do to re-regulate them.

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Hurrying is a huge trigger for CPTSD symptoms, amplifying dysregulation and all the other common side effects experienced by adults who grew up neglected or abused. Hurrying can increase anger and panic, and drain your ability to focus. And although you may think it is not possible to live without hurrying and overwhelm, you can teach yourself to notice when they're happening and slow, way down.

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Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that you weren’t valued, your existence was a secret to someone's "real" relationship, relegating you to the status of "side chick?" The consequences of this pattern don’t just draw you to the wrong person; the pattern leads to behaviors that drive away good people who would otherwise seek a relationship with you. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman trying to find a way to either forget or transform a relationship with a man who treats her as a secret girlfriend.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

People whose childhood emotional needs were neglected are often drawn into "limerent" relationships -- an infatuation or obsession with someone unavailable, uninterested, or unknown to you. This consuming kind of love (that gives nothing back) can devastate your happiness and leave you chronically isolated. In this episdoe, I answer a letter from a woman who has loved a man she barely knows for years. Find out how to spot the signs of limerence, and what you can do to heal.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

As a child, you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who endured profound neglect as a child and has used magical thinking to tolerate rejection and grief as she lives in the house of an ex for who she still has romantic feelings.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

When it comes to Complex PTSD, research has shown almost no definitive pattern of effectiveness associated with any particular approach to treatment. Thousands of practitioners and agencies claim that they treat the effects of childhood trauma, but do their approaches work? In this episode, I go through some of the popular treatments available and tell you what we know about them.

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If I had it to do over again, I would have stopped going to therapy long before I did. Most commenters on this channel told me they felt the same way; a few were astonished and wanted to know more. In this video, I explain WHY therapy not only didn't help me heal from Childhood PTSD / CPTSD, but how it put me at risk. Be sure to watch until the end! I talk about what DID enable me to heal, and the need for more self-determination around our own healing.

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Childhood PTSD can make all relationships seem frustrating and sometimes confusing, even when they're good. Is it your trauma symptoms, or is someone just not a good fit for you? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman in a long-term relationship who finds herself reluctant to commit, AND reluctant to leave. Listen to my suggestions for her to determine if her boyfriend is a "keeper."

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When you were starved for love and attention as a child, it harmed you emotionally, psychologically, and neurologically, even if the wounds didn't show. Neglect can cause problems connecting with people, detecting red flags, and discerning when a person has your best interests at heart (and who is just using you). In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who is worn out from a four-year relationship with a man who sees her just once a week for a few hours. Hear how I help her read the red flags and make a plan to change her life.

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You know how when people give you a bad apology it makes you feel worse? Here's how to apologize the good way, the way that actually makes things better.

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People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally "regulated." Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this episode, I talk about ways to determine when you're emotionally "intoxicated", how to become emotionally sober, and the signs that you're making progress.

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People who grew up in dysfunctional, neglectful families often find themselves attached to people who are LESS functional than themselves, and uncomfortable around people who are kind, decent, and living their lives well. Given that friends and associates are an important factor in how our own lives turn out, why would we sabotage ourselves like that? In this episode, I respond to a commenter with an interesting suggestion WHY good people feel "wrong" for us.

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When a partner manipulates and controls you, withholds love and demands fidelity -- these are signs of narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman struggling to finally close the door on an ex who behaves like a cult leader and must heal her vulnerabilities to cut him off for good.

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Your Childhood PTSD symptoms have likely created a lifetime of problems in relationships choosing unavailable people, clinging to bad relationships or avoiding intimacy altogether. But the reason you long for a real love -- a "great love" even -- is because you were born to love and be loved. How does a person move past the hurts of the past and learn, at last, to love?

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Limerence -- unrequited love that's obsessive and consuming -- can seize your mind and control your emotions. What happens when you "wake up" and realize you feel embarrassed about how your obsession affected the person on whom you were limerent, and everyone who witnessed your irrational behavior? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who hasn't yet shaken off a feeling of shame about past limerence toward someone still in her social circle.

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"I love you, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with you." If your partner says this, does it mean it's never going to work? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has a good dating relationship but is worried her boyfriend's lack of zeal signals doom for the future. How can you tell if a relationship is worth more time?

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Attachment wounds and the terror of being alone can drive you to rationalize HOLDING ON to broken people who have already left you. This common CPTSD symptom is one of the most destructive, draining you of happiness, the possibility of real love, and worse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman trying to salvage a four-week relationship with a man who is in the midst of a dangerous mental health breakdown.

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Opinion Bullies are narcissists who attempt to shame and control people who don't agree with them, and who refuse to be controlled. We once recognized them as the "mean drill sergeant" archetype by now they are everywhere; people with trauma wounds can be deeply triggered and prone to hide from bullies, rather than fight back. How can you hold your ground, and maintain your composure and your voice in the face of this behavior?

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Infatuation with someone you can't have when it becomes overpowering enough, is called "limerence." It produces a fantasy that helps you escape what is tedious or sad in your life. But the addictive thoughts can only drain your energy and harm your real-life relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has fallen in love with a caregiver who comes to the house to help her ailing husband. Find out what steps I teach to overcome limerence and restore fulfillment and happiness to life.

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You may have been told that the reason people keep breaking up with you is because you're actually TRYING to recreate abandonment trauma from childhood. But what if the real reason is that Complex PTSD is driving your behaviors, and causing you to push people away? Here are tips for identifying why this keeps happening.

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People who were abused and neglected as children often have more than their share of conflict and ruined friendships. In this episode, I teach the ways CPTSD can drive behaviors that damage your relationships, and what to do to heal.

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When it comes to healing CPTSD, there's abundant advice and hundreds of treatments, but few signs that any of it can truly change your life. If you're ready to move forward with your own recovery from past trauma, here are ten truths that will help you recognize and discard disempowering information and create an approach that works for YOU.

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You are allowed to set boundaries around other people's drinking and drug use -- but what does that mean? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner agreed not to smoke cigarettes or weed but has now slipped twice. She dreads leaving him but worries his broken promises will never stop. Hear my advice for dealing with other people's substance use and what I learned from the addicts in my life.

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Dysregulation is a core symptom of Complex-PTSD. If you had a rough childhood, you may have thought these symptoms were your fault -- personal failings that you're ashamed you haven't changed yet. Once you know the normal signs that childhood trauma has impacted you, you can drop the guilt and learn to adopt workarounds that help you re-regulate and solve life's problems.

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It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually, but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty, and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal.

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CPTSD conditions you to become depressed, confused, and sometimes paralyzed in the face of betrayal. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose husband has been poking holes in their condoms, sending her into a spiral of confusion. Learn how trauma from childhood symptoms can be healed when you face lies and deception.

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People with past trauma are often told that healing will take a LONG time. Some problems do take time, but others can be solved quickly by asking yourself the right questions. And solving one hard problem can pave the way for more positive changes that weren't possible before. In this podcast, I teach a powerful thought exercise that guides you toward actions you ALREADY KNOW you will stop negative patterns, heal trauma responses and change your life.

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It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal.

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People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise.

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When someone mistreated you, have you ever responded with a desperate attempt to win their love, attempting to completely change yourself into the person you THOUGHT they wanted? That is a destructive form of distorted thinking that is common in people who grew up with abuse and neglect. When someone is abusing you, the LAST thing you need is to abandon yourself -- to deny your perception and give away all your power. In this podcast, I answer a letter from a woman who fights to be reunited with an ex who discarded her and support her in finding a new way forward.

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Trauma clutters our lives and emotions with habits and behavior that drive away healthy people; this might explain why you perceive there are "no good people out there." To attract and connect with healthy people, prepare by brightening your "cab light." This is a metaphor for the characteristics (that healthy people seek in a partner) that signal psychological health and emotional availability. In this podcast, I walk through parts of life that may need a tune-up to shine your light and attract good prospective partners.

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Can you be addicted to a person? If romantic relationships turn to obsession, especially after they're over, it's time to heal trauma bonds that "hook" you into people who are selfish, manipulative, and who "blow hot and cold." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a man who struggles to detach from an ex who tries to keep him at arm's length but hooked on her all the same.

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How do you know when something is RIGHT for you? If you were traumatized as a child you may have lost the ability to sense "rightness" -- a true fit with someone you love, a job or decision. It's hard to know when a choice is your hearts desire and when you are motivated by someone else's agenda, or a need for security. When this happens, you can end up with a life that feels wrong and is full of regret, and that’s exactly what happened to a woman whose letter I'm answering in this podcast. We talk about the one she lost, her fierce regrets, and what she can do to discover the life that will truly make her happy.

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Almost everyone struggles with procrastination sometimes. But people who were traumatized as children, the most important work of your life may never get done because your instinctive reactions to stress, criticism and potential rejection can feel paralyzing. There is a way forward and in this podcast, I break it down, step by step so you can become productive, focused and full of energy to live your life.

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People traumatized as children often struggle to name, hold and express their boundaries, especially when isolated and lonely. This can lead you to attack your own needs and expectations, and to cooperate with people who lead you on with hope of a relationship, but who only want to feed off your romantic energy and make you a "side-chick." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who fears that if she shuts the door on this type of friends-with-crumbs-of-benefits, she'll have no one.

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SO many of my letter writers were raised by alcoholic parents; it's rare that any of them recover, change their self-destructive behavior, or acknowledge the harm they caused. When such a parent is dying, is it wise to demand they stop drinking in order to receive your help? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who is exasperated with her mother, who has cancer and flat-out refuses to stop her drinking and smoking.

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Past abuse and neglect can leave you vulnerable to the idea of a GREAT LOVE: The feeling that someone special is out there can keep you depressed, longing, and unable to form close relationships with people who are in your life now. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has been cheating on her husband with her EX-husband, and though the ex is never really coming back, she can't let go. I'll teach concrete steps to recognize this kind of limerent relationship and to STOP mental obsession.

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People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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People who were traumatized as children often grow up to either avoid relationships or to choose unavailable people who not only leave them unfulfilled but blocks them from meeting appropriate, available people who might add happiness to their lives. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has never experienced more than fleeting relationships and knows that to find love; she'll have to choose differently. But how?

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People who were abused or neglected as children long to feel a sense of belonging. But when you join a group, you may often find you struggle to feel like you're truly a part of it -- and you may find excuses to stay on the periphery, or to leave. Few understand the way CPTSD is an injury to the ability to connect to other people; in this episode, I talk about what that feels like, and practical steps you can take to heal.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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How many of your problems today were a) caused by things that happened to you in the past versus b) caused by trauma-driven behaviors that you haven't yet been able to change? You can't change the past but you CAN begin to change the habits and patterns that keep causing pain your life -- broken relationships, failed projects, lost opportunities. In this episode, I list ten common ways people who were neglected or abused sometimes sabotage their own success and happiness -- and what to do to break the cycle and start building a good life.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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If you're feeling alone, lacking friends or feeling that the friendships you have are shallow, fragile, or hurtful, you may be experiencing one of the most common signs that trauma in your childhood has affected you. Abuse and neglect can leave a lasting wound that makes connection with others difficult. But you CAN heal friendship wounds. In this compilation, I teach common ways you may be hiding who you really are, pushing friends away, or clinging to friendships that make your life harder. I teach how you can heal the underlying hurts, and free yourself to find the right people who "get you" and who support you in creating a happy, fulfilling life.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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A history of abandonment in childhood makes you prone to attach to people who abandon you and worse. But focusing on the REASON for the pattern is an explanation, but not a solution. If your pattern is terrible relationships, you will keep having them until you get the power to live, and the will to change. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who is in her second abusive marriage; hear my advice to her for how to face what's happening, change her pattern, and salvage her future.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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"Cool Girls" are women who appear to feel relaxed and happy about "friends with benefits" relationships, and to have no expectations that get in the way of commitment-free sex. There's a lot of social pressure to be "cool," but for people who were neglected or abandoned as children, acting cool is a charade meant to cover what they've been told is shameful -- a desire for a serious and monogamous relationship. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman who has been brainwashed to believe her expectations are the problem. Hear my suggestions to get real with herself and change her entire approach to dating.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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One of the most brutal but deceptive symptoms of Childhood PTSD is the romanticization of unrequited love. Loving, available partners seem boring, while those who don't want you seem to represent a higher realm of being, and give you (if only in fantasy) the experience of great love and emotion. The compulsion to love unavailable people will rob you of all happiness, and any chance of real love. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who pours her life into creative collaboration with a man far younger who is not interested. Even while asking for help, she is caught in denial. Hear my answer to help her get free.

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You may have been told that shame is just a way that bad people try to make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes this is true, but the harder kind of shame is "earned" shame -- where you feel badly about something you said or did, or failed to do. The trouble is, most of us are afraid to face shame feelings. "Shame shifting" is my term for when you feel shame and can't face it, so immediately begin to look for who to BLAME. Blame may make you feel better in the short term, but it hurts other people and stops YOU from facing yourself -- releasing shame where you can and amending mistakes you made in the past.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Getting things done is a HUGE problem for many people, especially with the neurological effects of trauma complicating your ability to focus, to maintain consistent energy levels, and to handle emotional upsets that are bound to happen from time to time. In this "best of" compilation, I share strategies for overcoming procrastination and "action paralysis." Learn how you can overcome limitations from the past and accomplish important goals that make you happy.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

If you were raised by an emotionally unstable parent, you had no choice but to accept their chaotic life choices, lack of boundaries and ever-changing rules. This was a survival strategy for you, but now it's time to clarify for yourself YOUR needs, preferences and values -- and develop boundaries so loved ones can no longer take those away from you. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who is ready to set boundaries with her impulsive, demanding mother, but needs help preparing for the explosive emotions likely to follow.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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When you were a kid, you had no choice but to adapt yourself to whatever neglectful hurtful treatment you received. But now that you're an adult, it's time to shed your ability to "Crapfit" -- my word for when you fit yourself to unacceptable people and situations. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who wants her boyfriend to treat her with more care and respect. But he doesn't seem to get the message. Hear my advice to help her stop crapfitting!

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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You can download "10 Things Romantic Manipulators Say" right here: https://bit.ly/3od3xzY

How hard do you work to keep your life on track? Some people with past trauma find they take on too much, while others are disorganized and procrastinate, hide from responsibilities, struggle to move forward toward goals. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD. She was forced to take on adult responsibilities as a child, and today finds herself under-functioning, and is ready to change the pattern.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Trauma during childhood can teach you to "give away your power" through self-destructive tendencies, people pleasing, and an urge to flee conflict, responsibility, and intimacy. To heal trauma, you need your POWER -- the power to take care of yourself, to take action, and to hold boundaries against mistreatment by others. In this podcast, I teach about 20 ways that people with CPTSD sometimes give their power away -- and what to do to build it BACK.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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You can access my Dating and Relationships course right here: https://bit.ly/3odjqGr

Work and career are important to success and happiness. But trauma from your childhood can trigger behaviors that block your advancement and ruin opportunities. In this podcast, I teach common trauma-driven behaviors behaviors that can hurt your work life, and how you can change and heal.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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People who were emotionally neglected as children often find themselves by people who (you guessed it) emotionally neglect them: They don't want to hear you when it's your turn to talk. They don't want to help you when you need help -- even though you've helped THEM many times. If you find yourself hurt and resentful that your friends are self-centered, the change begins with you. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders why her friends are like this; hear my tips for how she can change this pattern and enjoy reciprocation with good people who care.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Everyone has self-defeating behaviors, and everyone gets triggered sometimes. But if you grew up with abuse and neglect, it can be hard to control the emotional reactions that erupt when you're stressed, and this can lead to even stronger self-sabotaging actions. So much of the damage from childhood trauma lies in this trigger/emotiona/behavior sequence that can take place over and over throughout your life. But you can heal that sequence so that you can handle stress WITHOUT slipping into old patterns that have held you back. In this podcast I tell you how.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Download '16 CPTSD Behaviors That Sabotage Your Success': https://bit.ly/3MLVdkO

It's not easy watching a friend make choices that YOU think are terrible mistakes. You might be right, but that doesn't mean it's helpful or supportive to keep pushing your advice on them. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has lost a friend whom she tried to warn about a job decision they were making. Finding out why I teach that believing you know BETTER than a peer how they should is a huge friendship mistake.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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 You can access my Connection Bootcamp course right here: https://bit.ly/3GLul0F

Some people "underfunction" -- they struggle to get motivated, finish tasks, or pursue what they really want in life. But the opposite traits can be just as limiting: Overfunctioning is the name for when you take on more than your share of responsibility. You pay more than your share. You help people who haven't asked for help (and who could help themselves). You have an overdeveloped sense that YOU know best what others should eat, think and do. But overfuncitoning is a trauma-driven behavior, and leads to burnout, resentment and alienation for the people you love. Find out what it looks like and how you can start healing.

Are you dysregulated? Download my QUIZ here: https://bit.ly/3MJFZwA

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Emotionally immature and neglectful parenting may have left you with a huge developmental gap -- a failure to thrive -- unable to envision or pursue the future you need and deserve.The urge to ESCAPE is a normal response to trauma, and can show up as limerent obsession with someone you can't have, working in low-paying jobs that can never support you, and waiting for someone to come along and put your life on track. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman who is isolated in a job that doesn't pay the bills, who is longing for someone to scoop her up and help her feel like she's part of a family. Are you ready to radically heal your life?

Download my free worksheet ONE YEAR TO HEAL here: https://bit.ly/3DX1iWx

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

When destructive people harm children, they literally introduce evil into those children's lives. Unless trauma is healed, this evil -- this harm -- is very likely to be passed from person to person, and generation to generation. It can STOP with you! Learn how healing trauma is the most important step you can take to transform yourself and change the course of history.

Learn a practical way to release resentful and fearful emotions: Take my free Daily Practice course here: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH 

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

If you grew up with trauma and dysfunction you probably didn't learn how to recognize, communicate and hold your boundaries. In this "best of" compilation, I teach what boundaries ARE, why people often don't respect them and how to manage your words and actions so that people can't violate the limits you set for yourself and how you're treated. A lack of boundaries may be the BIG reason why you isolate yourself from others.

Take my Connection Quiz here: https://bit.ly/3GMCgdX

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

In this "best of" compilation of earlier episodes, I teach about the ways Childhood PTSD and CPTSD can disrupt your ability to find, grow and maintain good relationships. Sit back and enjoy!

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Getting things done is a HUGE problem for many people, especially with the neurological effects of trauma complicating your ability to focus, to maintain consistent energy levels, and to handle emotional upsets that are bound to happen from time to time. In this "best of" compilation, I share strategies for overcoming procrastination and "action paralysis." Learn how you can overcome limitations from the past and accomplish important goals that make you happy.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

As a child you developed coping mechanisms to tolerate abuse and still keep your precious spirit intact. People with Childhood PTSD often internalize the hateful messages they received, and struggle to change their lives for the better. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who speaks to herself in the same cruel way her father once did. Hear my advice to her on how CHANGE the pattern of self-attack, and take positive actions toward a fuller and happier life.

You Can Try the Healing Techniques I mention in this episode here: FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Abandonment triggers can get activated when you feel rejected, overlooked, left behind and ostracized: If you grew up physically or emotionally neglected, abandonment wounds may damage relationships and professional opportunities. How can you tell if YOUR abandonment wounds are active? In this episode, I teach about the triggers that are common for people who carry wounds of abandonment and ostracization.

You Can Try the Healing Techniques I mention in this episode here: FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH 

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

In the post-pandemic age of the internet, more people than ever are isolated and LONELY. People who have lived through trauma, especially in childhood, may have suffered neurological changes that make connecting even harder -- until you learn to heal. In this episode, I teach about trauma-driven loneliness -- what causes it, how to heal it, and how healthy solitude can be part of your healing. Has past trauma affected your ability to connect with people?

Download my free Connection Quiz here: https://bit.ly/3GLul0F

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

When you meet someone really wonderful, do you fall into consuming anxiety about whether it will work out -- to the extent that it damages any hope of having a relationship? This is not uncommon, and is one manifestation of CPTSD. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has gradually gotten to know a good man, and has just begun to date him. As soon as she was sure the feelings were reciprocal, the panic set in. Listen to her story and my advice to her to save this budding relationship while she still can.

Download my FREE guide to the signs that tell you someone is "partner material." https://bit.ly/3KYOxP1

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Adults who experienced early trauma are prone to dysregulation of the brain and nervous system, especially in response to stress. Dysregulation, in turn, can trigger (or exacerbate) depression, anxiety, illness, addiction and emotional outbursts. So clearly, learning to re-regulate is the first step in healing the effects of Childhood PTSD.

10 Emergency Measures to Re-Regulate: https://bit.ly/3ogTEkM

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I received several letters this week (the fifth week of lockdown) about the ache of emptiness that's getting hard to escape. Is real love even possible for people with CPTSD? Here's my answer.

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

A cluttered living space is one common sign a person has been affected by past trauma. But Complex-PTSD often manifests as a similar kind of chaos and overwhelm in your thinking, your relationships, your emotions and the way you spend your time. Learn how you can declutter your thinking, your friendships, your calendar and yes -- your physical space. Try My Ultimate Mental Decluttering Technique Free -- The Daily Practice: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Website: https://bit.ly/3Nyg7nt

People are triggering, especially if you who were traumatized in the past. One way to manage your triggers is through avoidance -- living in isolation, holding loved ones at arms length, or going through the motions of a connected life but never feeling connected at all. In this "best of" compilation of my videos on avoidance, I teach about the signs to look for in yourself and others of avoidance, with practical steps to begin to heal.

Has Past Trauma Affected Your Ability to Connect? CONNECTION QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

Many people traumatized as children show TRAITS of narcissism. Part if this is learned from narcissistic parents, and part develops to compensate for trauma wounds. In this "best of" compilation I bring together my most popular videos on traits of narcissism -- in ourselves and others -- and letters from people raised by narcissistic parents.

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

People neglected or abandoned in childhood often have an anxious attachment style in adulthood, growing frantic while dating a new person to extract security and connection, before they get to know the other person. The result can be off-putting for partners and can ruin any chance of finding real love. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman whose first date starts well, but ends in the same disaster she's created before. Hear my tips for healing attachment wounds and pacing the dating process to avoid pushing good people away.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

Codependency may feel like a personality quirk but it can grow much, much worse. Codependency can snowball into a crisis-level distortion of thinking that -- unless you heal -- drags down your life (and the lives of others). In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who finds herself pregnant and dependent upon an undependable and possibly dangerous partner, but cannot see the role she must play to get to safety.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes:  https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com 

To be “Demoralized” means to be deflated of all that makes you strong – to have too many bad and discouraging things happen to you until you lose your mental clarity, and lose your drive to bring good into the world. It includes disempowerment, but it takes it one terrible step further – to where you lose your awareness of what is GOOD, and what is right. The most important first step of healing is to recover your faith that GOOD is real, and it matters. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

A history of abuse and neglect in childhood affects how you think, what you believe, and how you act. This is a major factor that explains why people with CPTSD seem to make self-sabotaging decisions, ruining opportunities and repeating terrible mistakes you swore you'd never do again. In this "best of" compilation, I share a collection of videos where I teach about identifying trauma-driven decisions and thoughts, and how to support yourself in order to make better choices and change your life.

Has Past Trauma Affected Your Ability to Connect? CONNECTION QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

If you grew up neglected, chances are good that when you’re under stress, you get emotionally dysregulated -- your nervous system reacts to stressors with extra strong emotions. When most people would be hurt, you’re devastated. When you fall in love it feels enormous. And getting angry, unfortunately for the people who love you, can turn into RAGE. Emotional dysregulation is not exclusive to Childhood PTSD, but it’s a very common and very destructive symptom. And perhaps more than any other truama symptom, it ruins relationships and kills dreams. The good news is, healing is possible, and in this video I teach you how.

Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

To avoid responsibility for their own actions, abusive parents sometimes make one child into a scapegoat, and siblings follow suit. Scapegoat suffer horribly, but getting pushed out of the family sometimes means they demonstrate more strength and success in life than those who we kept in the family fold. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman trying to make sense of the fact she was rejected by every family member. Difficult People in Your Life?

Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES: https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

It's common for people who grew up emotionally neglected or exposed to trauma to have difficulty finding friends and maintaining friendships. Sometimes we choose unreliable people; sometimes we (unintentionally) push good poeple away. In this "best of" compilation I share a series of videos highlighting common challenges for people with CPTSD.

***

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family (especially if your parents didn't have strong social skills) there’s a high probability that finding good friends and developing close friendships has been hard for you. The lack of good friends can devastate your life over time: You end up isolated, lonely and vulnerable. Having people who love you and “get” you is a factor in your physical and mental health. Not having friends is a big setback, and if this has been a struggle in the past, you've been robbed you of the life you deserve in some ways already. In this video I break down, step by step, actions you can take to find better friends and sustain more fulfilling friendships over time. Learn Better Friendship Skills.

FREE Download: https://bit.ly/3WS0475

***

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

*** What do you do when you're forced to be face-to-face with the person who traumatized you when you were small? Do you confront them, warn them, talk in advance? Ignore them? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who will be attending a family gathering, where she'll see her father for the first time after years of no contact. Hear my suggestions for strengthening her boundaries to avoid trouble, while enjoying the day. Difficult People in Your Life?

Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES: https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ

***

Based on all the hundreds of letters I get – the background stories about abuse and neglect in childhood, and the present day struggles to form loving, committed relationships – it’s clear to me that limerence is the fruit of emotional neglect. We get too good at seeing love where there is no love, and if we don’t heal, it continues into adulthood, becoming worse in times when we’re isolated, grieving, and chronically stressed. In this video I respond to a letter from a Ukranian refugee devastated when a new relationship fizzled out.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

***

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com