Steve Mallory is a writer, producer and actor. He wrote The Boss, Superintelligence and a short for The Loony Tunes Show!

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Skipping Disdain with Hanif Abdurraqib

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IG: @bestadviceshow

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home: bestadvice.show

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Nichole Christian is a writer, artist and mother from Detroit.

I want to collect your favorite advice from this year. The advice that you're actually practicing in real life that you learned from this show. Tell me what that is by writing me at ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW. Or you can call the hotline, 844-935-BEST. I'm gonna collect your responses about the best, Best Advice, and put together a week or two of greatest hits episodes.

Embracing Discomfort with Wendy Walters - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/20201019_embracing-discomfort-with-wendy-s--walters/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Since the start of COVID and actually long before that, I've been on a quest for comfort. My friend, Nichole was also on that quest. But now she says she's given that up and suggests, maybe, we do the same.

NICHOLE: Kill comfort. Choose now.

ZAK: So is now uncomfortable?

NICHOLE: Yeah. Yeah. It's completely uncomfortable. But it is what it means to be alive. The more I let go of comfort, the more I accidentally open myself to surprise. To now. To things I've just forgotten. And I think that that's really where life is. Now is a lot richer, even with all of the hell surrounding it, now is a lot richer than we allow ourselves to believe.

ZAK: And for those of us who are comfortable in comfort, what's an exercise to tap into embracing the discomfort?

NICHOLE: I've had comfort but I think comfort requires a kind of clinging and grasping that you do it so long you don't even know you're doing it. And so the things that you're holding on to...like you probably know what you love to eat, you know where to go for this, you know where to go for that. Well, when all that's gone, who are you? So, what if you didn't choose the thing you always chose? What if you didn't say the thing you always said? What might that teach you? Comfort is transactional. You give something and you get something back. Discomfort says you go through it, the understanding may not come for a while. And if you are ok with that, you might find some surprise. You might find yourself able to do things you never thought yourself capable of...to talk to people you never thought you would...to learn from things that, um, you'd completely shut yourself off from.

ZAK: This advice kind of feels like a koan to me. It's gonna take some real work to unravel and figure out how to practice. But that's why I like it so much.

NICHOLE: My name is Nichole Christian and I am a writer and a deep believer in the power of creativity.

ZAK: Discomfort has been a theme on a couple of episodes of this show. The most recent one was with Wendy Walters.

WENDY: Discomfort is a real gift in terms of teaching you how to get past something that is completely internal.

ZAK: I linked to her entire episode in our show notes. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show and we are coming up to the end of the year. That means I want to collect your favorite advice from this year. The advice that you're actually practicing in real life that you learned from this show. Tell me what that is by writing me at ZAK@BESTADVICE.SHOW. Or you can call the hotline, 844-935-BEST. I'm gonna collect your responses about the best, Best Advice, and put together a week or two of greatest hits episodes. Talk to you soon.

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Susan Reed is a Managing Attorney with the Michigan Immigrant Rights Center.

HEAR our episode on avoiding the stupid tax here: https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020528_stupid-taxing-with-jb/

DETROIT FREE PRES: Unusual rodent engine problem has suddenly become 'super common'- https://www.freep.com/story/money/cars/2020/06/09/rats-rodents-nest-parked-cars-coronavirus/3156961001/

So much of this show is going to originate with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Josh Ruben is an award-winning actor, writer, and director whose feature film SCARE ME - which he wrote, produced, directed & starred alongside Aya Cash and Chris Redd - debuted at the 2020 Sundance Film Festival.

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You Made it Weird #210 with Josh Ruben - https://archive.nerdist.com/you-made-it-weird-210-josh-ruben/

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: When I need to laugh until it hurts. Like, keep over laugh, my go to source is this one episode of a podcast I like called, You Made it Weird.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Well, the thing about life is one day you'll be dead. I don't know why it's an elephant at the end of everything I say...

ZAK: The guy doing the Robin Williams impression is Josh Ruben. And the guy laughing so much is the host of the show, Pete Holmes.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Pete, come downstairs, it's bit time! That was Mrs. Doubtfire...

ZAK: You can even hear the engineer in the studio laughing.

*Laughs.*

ZAK: This is me listening at home.

*Laughs.*

ZAK: The interview is well over 90-minutes and a huge portion is just like this, Josh riffing on a bunch of impressions.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: My name is Leonard Lowe.

PETE HOLMES ON YOUR MADE IT WEIRD: Is that the character from Awakenings? How did you pull that?

ZAK: We're gonna get to the advice, but first this is my favorite of Josh's impressions.

JOSH RUBEN ON YOU MADE IT WEIRD: Yeah, buddy. I'm pretty into photography, actually as an actor...

ZAK: Josh, the master impressionist, was kind enough to meet me on Zoom and give me some advice about how to do a good impression.

JOSH: The more specific the better. Broad ones stink. Look for that. The weird tongue, lip-smack, shifting of the weight, you know?

ZAK: And what do you think makes Jeff Bridges such a fun one to do?

JOSH: I think it's the musicality of his voice. Friendly, dopey golden retriever kind of quality about him. And from there, the fact that you can just say anything. Yeah, I hit another man with my car...man. It's just fun to do. Who doesn't love Jeff?

ZAK: Yeah, he's such a lovable guy. Buddy. Buddy.

JOSH: There ya go. Yeah. Buddy! If you catapult your underbite, you know, your lower mandible on the D, I think that's how to do it. Give it a try.

ZAK: Buddy. Buddy!

JOSH: Yeah. Buddy! It's almost like you're barfing out the D.

ZAK: Buddy!

JOSH: Yeah, there ya go. Yeah.

ZAK: He's just being nice. I've got a lot of work to do. Josh Ruben is an amazing impressionist. He's also the writer, director and star of the new terrifying and funny movie, Scare Me, is available on demand. And you might know Jeff Bridges was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. I'm sending lots of love his way today. Buddy. Buddy. I love you, buddy. Buddy. Buddy. As always, I want to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST.

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Alice Bagley is a gardener, biker and time-banker from Detroit.

Throwing Seeds with Alice

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Welcome to The Best Advice Show where everyday a different guest offers a little morsel of wisdom for you.

ALICE: Hi, this is Alice Bagley from Detroit, Michigan where I am a gardener and biker and time-banker and probably some other things. My advice today is to wait to clean-up your garden until it's warmer. Here in Detroit we're having a warm spell. Its gotten up to 60 or 70 degrees the past few days but it's gonna get cold again and if you clean up all the leaves and sticks and other brush in your garden you can clear away the eggs and cocoons of a bunch of insects that we like such as butterflies and preying mantises and lovely, native bees. So if you can you should wait to clean up your garden.

ZAK: But, Alice says, if you feel like you need to be more productive in your garden. There are some things you can do, like...

ALICE: Prune your fruit trees and your bushes. This is the right time of year to do that. There's a bunch flower seeds that actually like to go through freeze/thaw cycles. Especially wildflowers so you can put some seeds around to do that. If you must plant some thing which I totally feel that too, some seeds you can plant this time of year are peas, carrots, beets, spinach, salad greens. You can also look in your vegetable garden to see if some stuff lived through the winter like spinach usually does and I was able to find some beets and carrots out in the garden too. So if you do have to clear-off the garden you put on your mulch, like maybe you put down some leaves and straw, you can just clear them off of the place where you're gonna plant things. You don't have to clear your whole garden out. You can just push the leaves or straw off to the side, plant the seeds that you want to plant and hopefully it will be more spring-like soon when the temperature is more reliably above 40 or 50 degrees everyday. That's the time of year to start clearing out your garden beds and all the old, dead plants from last year.

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Tamar Adler is the Kitchen Shrink. Sign-up for her Substack today! 

Tamar is the author of The Everlasting Meal Cookbook, Something Old, Something New and An Everlasting Meal. She's coming to Michigan later this month. 

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February 27 (Traverse City, MI): https://www.farmclubtc.com/events-1/tamar-alder-everlasting-meal-cookbook-talk-w-nic-thiesen

February 28 (Grand Rapids, MI): https://www.cafemamo.com/

February 29 (Three Oaks, MI): https://granorfarm.com/dining/book

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Tamar was an editor at Harper’s Magazine from 2001 through 2004. After cooking at Prune restaurant one summer, she became the chef of Farm 255, in Athens, Georgia. She eventually moved to California to cook at Chez Panisse in Berkeley, California.

Tamar has been writing full time since 2011. She has been a columnist for the New York Times Magazine, has reviewed various books for the New York Times and the New Yorker, and has been lucky enough to cover topics as wide-ranging as seaweed, hot dogs, baby weaning, and diet culture for Vogue Magazine.

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Gretchen Rubin hosts the podcast, Happier and has written a bunch of bestselling books.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Being the person that you are, do you formally or informally coach people?

GRETCHEN: Well, I mean, if by coaching you mean, do I give unsolicited advice, probably yes, my sister calls me a happiness bully because if I feel like there's a way for somebody to get Happier I can just start throwing things out.

ZAK: Something that Gretchen throws out a lot is the following prompt...

GRETCHEN: Choose the bigger life.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

GRETCHEN: Because what is the bigger life? Because only you can decide what's the bigger life. For instance in our family, my children really, really wanted to get a dog. This was like 5-6 years ago. My husband was like, eh, I'm ok with getting a dog. And I was very much on the fence because I thought this is a lot of work, a lot of trouble. It's a big commitment. This dog is probably gonna be living with me and Jamie longer than are only children did...I felt the pros and cons were very evenly balanced. And t hen I thought to myself, choose the bigger life. Now, I think for some families a bigger life would not be getting a dog because you might have more freedom, you'd travel more, you'd have more money freed ip to spend on other things. It's expensive to have a dog. So I think for some people choose a bigger life would be not to have a dog. But it was obvious to me the minute I asked myself that question, that for our gamily the bigger life was to get a dog and so we did and I',m just absolutely thrilled. It was exactly the right choice. But I think for a lot of times you get very confused about what's better, what's worse and then...or like I remember talking to somebody who was like, should I move back to my hometown, my husband's there too, we have all this family and all these old friends but we love being in big city and I said, well, choose the bigger life. And for her the bigger life, she realized, meant going back home because she felt like that's the bigger life for us but other people might have said, oh, the big city, that's the bigger life. It would have been obvious to them. It kind of shows you that indirect look into your head which can be very hard to do. It's easy to get confused and distracted...I feel like that's a helpful question.

I'm Gretchen Rubin. I'm a writer and podcaster who explores the issues of happiness, habits and human nature.

ZAK:Gretchen Rubin's podcast is called, Happier. Is there a prompt you use in your life when you're feeling confused? I would love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. Also, please consider sharing this show with your friends if you think they would like it. I would like that. Thank you.

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Lucy Anderton is a poet living in France.

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This episode was originally made in collaboration with Slate's excellent podcast, How To! 

Like many pet parents, Zak Rosen and his wife lived for years in a state of denial about their beloved dog, Rumi. Then they learned that Rottweilers only tend to live about eight to 12 years, and there was no denying it: Rumi is already in her twilight years. In the not-so-distant future, they’ll have to make some truly tough decisions.

On this episode of How To!, Zak seeks out advice about end-of-life pet care from Dr. Ellen LaFramboise, owner of Crossroads Veterinary Hospice, and fellow pet parent Gabby Santos, who shares how she prepared for the death of her 18-year-old miniature pinscher, Bob’i. Their conversation might change the way you think about your furry pal’s final days (and maybe even your own).

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get Your Dog To Stop Barking (Without Barking Back).”

Podcast production by Zak Rosen, Rosemary Belson, Derek John, Joel Meyer, and Merritt Jacob.

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Amanda LeClaire is an award-winning host and producer at 101.9 WDET-FM Detroit’s NPR station. She’s a founding producer of WDET’s flagship news talk show Detroit Today, a former Morning Edition host at WDET, and a former host, audio and video producer, and reporter for Arizona Public Media.

She’s reported on stories as diverse as the decriminalization and therapeutic research of psychedelic substances, how Motown mourned the sudden death of musician Michael Jackson, the economic and environmental impact of mineral mining in Wyoming, how anomalous phenomena and research into UAPs has affected the lives of some people in the Southwest, and the impact of President Barack Obama’s historic 2008 election night in Detroit.

Amanda is also a creative writer, artist, certified intuitive and energy healer, and professional tarot reader. Amanda was raised in a mythical Great Lakes forest by Bryan Ferry and a prehistoric wolf, on a strict diet of gummy bears and early electronic music.

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Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Eli Sussman is a co-founder and chef at Samesa restaurant in Brooklyn, NY.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: It's Food Friday and today on the show a smorgasbord of cooking advice.

ELI: My name's Eli Sussman. I'm talking to you from Brooklyn, New York and I'm one of the co-founders and chefs of Samesa Restaurant which is a Mediterranean restaurant.

ZAK: Today's advice revolved around being resourceful in the kitchen and the first thing to consider, says Eli, is that recipes are meant to be fungible.

ELI: You need to understand that it's not a legally-binding document. You can navigate away from that recipe. So think about ways that you can use what's in your cabinet and not have to rush out and buy 100-dollars of ingredients every time you want to make a recipe. So think about spice substitutions. If it calls for a certain, specific type of spice that you don't have on hand, google it, figure out what it may sort of taste like and see, ok, I don't have Aleppo flake which is something we use a lot in cooking at the restaurant. But ok, I can use chili flake and achieve a similar result. Ok, I don't have sea salt. Can I use regular salt? These are certain things you learn overtime while cooking...just what works as a good substitution. The recipe calls for brown rice. I don't have that but I do have, you know, spaghetti. Is it gonna be weird if I cook it and serve it over spaghetti? Or is it gonna be fine? Is it gonna be better? So there are all these different ways where you can tweak recipes and move to a place where you're actually using up the things that are in your cabinets as opposed to just always buying new stuff which leads to this scenario where you have so many things that you just have sitting around that you never end up using because you're afraid to experiment and use them in a way where you're substituting for a specific other items in recipes.

ZAK: That's great. Do you have advice about how to use up the odd stuff in the kitchen?

ELI: Yeah, totally. I think the best way to use up vegetables that are just sitting around in your fridge is to just do a stir-fry. And basically a stir-fry works in any ethnic style of cuisine that you like. If you're going for a Vietnamese, Italian, Indian root, whatever type of food you may feel comfortable cooking, or not, but just simply roasting some vegetables in a pan, getting the pan hot, sautéing them, letting them get some caramelization, break down a little bit. Covering them with a good amount of spice that you're comfortable with and then serving them just with either a grain that you have. Like that's a full meal. You don't need protein in every single meal and that's an awesome way to get rid of just vegetables that are just sitting around. And then if you have a lot of starches around, I love to cook potatoes and have them in my fridge as a building block to a meal. So a lot of people will peep and blanche potatoes right before the meal. But I say get a big bag of sweet potatoes or Yukon Golds. Two sort of things that cook very quickly and easily just by boiling them in water and are delicious on their own and then you can use them breakfast. You can turn that into a hash. You can put it in a salad and eat it cold for lunch and then for dinner, you can take those cold pieces of potato, toss them in a little bit of oil and roast in a pan or in the oven till they get crispy and then serve them with a piece of chicken. You don't beed to cook everything to order for every single meal that you have and that's a good way to get rid of a bunch of stuff.

ZAK: Eli Sussman and his older brother, Max, are the authors of several cookbooks. Most recently, Classic Recipes for Modern People. This has been another episode of Food Friday. Thank you so much for listening. And as always, I want to hear your advice...your food related advice especially. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This week I'm sharing some of your favorite episodes of the year. Today, Expecting the Opposite with Sarah May B.

Sarah is the host of the podcast, Help Me Be Me.

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Ethan Frisch is the co-founder of Burlap & Barrel. He's a native New Yorker, entrepreneur and activist around food systems and social justice. Ethan has worked in kitchens as a line cook and pastry chef in New York and London, and as the chef behind Guerrilla Ice Cream. He left kitchens to become a humanitarian aid worker, and worked with NGOs including the Aga Khan Foundation in Afghanistan, Maries Stopes in Sierra Leone, and Doctors Without Borders on the Syrian/Jordanian border.

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Deeply savory and bursting with flavor, Köfte Baharat is a traditional Turkish spice blend for meat from Burlap & Barrel

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Ethan's Grub Street Diet

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Zak’s twitter: @muzachary

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Evan Major is a social worker and parent in Hamtramck, Michigan.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

EVAN: My name is Evan Major and I am a school social worker and first-time parent and I got the piece of sage advice from a friend when approaching this journey that every age is the best age and that's what I wish to pass on.

ZAK: I'm coming off a historically awful night's sleep. Our baby was up every couple of hours. Some type of 5-month regression or something and I was feeling so bad for myself in the middle of the night. I was resenting being a parent. I was resenting all the responsibilities I had taken on in deciding to become a parent and I was feeling pretty low. And so today I'm gonna try to be more like Evan and remember that...

EVAN: Every age is the best age.

ZAK: Every age is the best age.

EVAN: Instead of, you know, when they're not sleeping through the night and screaming and trying to bang their head on the crib, you know, to be lamenting that and think about your level of sleep deprivation or how unsure you are of what comes next and how clueless you ultimately are as a first-time parent. It's easy to focus on those things. But just have an appreciation for every moment makes you think, wow, I really like the sound of that cry, you know. I'd like to think of it as a song. Wow, he's really trying to communicate. Wow, he's such a good communicator. Wow, this is such a special moment. It's not gonna happen again.

ZAK: Yawns. Every age is the best age. Every age is the best age. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. Every age is the best age. Call me at 844-935-BEST.

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Dave Leins runs the Detroit StoryMakers program at WDET.

So much of this show originates with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

Help Zak continue making this show by becoming a Best Advice Show Patron @ https://www.patreon.com/bestadviceshow

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Lil Rose-Wilen (lilmx.abq) is a pleasure seeker living in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

WARNING, TODAY'S EPISODE CONTAINS SOME EXPLICIT AND STEAMY MATERIAL. IF THERE ARE KIDS AROUND, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS EPISODE OR PUT YOUR HEADPHONES. OK, I WARNED YOU.

Hi, my name is Lil Rose-Wilen and I am currently in Albuquerque, New Mexico and my advice is to buy a really quality vibrator. I bought my Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator a couple years ago and it has just completely changed my life. I went from rarely every orgasming during sex or on my own to now it's just a part of my daily life to have multiple orgasms. And so I think it's really important that people know that there are tools, very powerful tools, to help them have that part of their life and that can be people with any genitalia, any gender. So, yeah, that's my piece of advice. Buy a fancy vibrator because I have done the math and I think that per orgasm, the cost has paid off to where it's like a penny per orgasm. And I think that that's pretty good. Alight. Thank you. I love listening to your show. Good bye.

Today's episode was brought to you by the Hitachi Magic Wand. No, but wouldn't that be awesome if that were true. This was not surprisingly some of the most delightful advice I've gotten on the hotline. If you have anything similar or completely different, I'd love to hear it. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Saadia Khan is a Pakistani American immigrant, human rights activist & social entrepreneur. She is also the founder and host of an award-winning weekly podcast, Immigrantly, and the co-producer and co-host of Invisible Hate podcast, which focuses on hate crimes committed against minorities. She holds a Master's in Human Rights from Columbia University. She has worked with UN Women, and other UN entities at a small civil society organization focused on women's rights. She is also a board member of Hearts and Homes for Refugees. This volunteer-driven nonprofit organization works with the U.S. Department of State & designated agencies to welcome refugees. In addition, she writes for publications, including the Brown Girl Magazine, Yes! Magazine, and the Globe Post.

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Paul F. Austin is the founder and CEO of Third Wave. He's one of the most prominent voices in the world of psychedelics, and is the author of Mastering Microdosing: How to Use Sub-Perceptual Psychedelics to Heal Trauma, Improve Performance, and Transform Your Life.

As the founder of Third Wave and Psychedelic Coaching Institute, he has educated millions on the importance of safe and effective psychedelic experiences. A pioneer at the intersection of microdosing, personal transformation, and professional success, he has been featured in Forbes, Rolling Stone, and the BBC’s Worklife.

Paul helps others use microdosing as a tool for professional development and increased self-awareness by treating the use of psychedelics as a skill refined through mentorship and courageous exploration.

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The Fireside Project's Psychedelic Support Line is staffed by rigorously trained, compassionate, supportive volunteers from diverse backgrounds who listen deeply and from a place of non-judgment.

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Zoë Komarin cooks @ ZOEFOODPARTY. Udi Assaf leads @UDITECHPARTY

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EDITING YOUR FRIDGE WITH ZOE

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SPOON FEEDING WITH ZOE

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REPURPOSING FOOD WITH ZOE

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Jeannie Yandel co-hosts Battle Tactics For Your Sexist Workplace

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Let me know what you think of this advice! I live @bestadviceshow on IG.

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related advice: ABIDING WITH JAY ALLISON

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Tad Davis is an audio producer.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Pair today's episode with Memorializing Your Day with Sara Brooke Curtis - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020514_memorializing-the-day-with-sara-brooke-curtis/

TRANSCRIPT:

TAD: My name is Tad Davis. I'm an audio producer in Detroit, Michigan. My advice is to record your memories. A few years ago. My dad took all the VHS tapes that he had taken of him and his friends and us as kids. And he digitized all of them. And we had like hundreds and hundreds of hours of us just doing all these random things. Um, you know, like going to amusement parks and going to the beach and doing all these awesome things. But then like all these moments of us just doing nothing like playing rock band or eating lunch, or like our parents just asking us questions. And like, for some reason, like my family became obsessed with those moments. Like these moments of nothing actually happening. And I, I don't know why but like these mundane with no purpose at all, were what we loved watching the most.

After this. Like, I just became obsessed with recording all the little stuff that happens in my life. So like when I moved out of a dorm room or I was hanging out with my friends around a bonfire. I just started recording those moments. And like I could tell immediately they meant a lot to me, it was almost like a peek behind the curtain of like, what happens every day in our lives that like we miss out on, because we we've kind of started recording for like big moments of like concerts or birthday parties. Like we've saved all these moments to record for like big, big moments that are obviously really important to record, but like there's so much that happens in our daily life that like, we should also be recording.

ZAK: I mean, how does recording the mundane stuff impact your ability to just be present in those moments?

TAD: Yeah. You just want to be present, right. Um, you want to just be talking with your grandma, but I think in a way it's like, it's saying you choosing to record something just so normal and mundane and everyday life is like saying, I want to be in this moment. And I want to remember this moment. I'm making an effort to record and say, I want to remember this moment, and maybe you never watched the video again, but it's kind of ingrained in your head that this moment happened because you made the conscious decision to say, I want to remember it.

ZAK: Thanks for listening to The Best Advice Show. I think this episode pairs particularly well with one called Memorializing Your Day with Sara Brooke Curtis.

SARA: One thing that I love to do that really grounds me is to at the end of every day, write the top five most memorable moments on an index card. Before I do it, I'll lay down and close my eyes and just scan from the time I woke up in the morning to the moment I'm in right then in bed. And just think like, if something pops like a pop rock in my head, I'm like, okay, that's, that's one...

ZAK: I've linked to that full episode in our show notes. If you're enjoying the show, please consider rating and or reviewing on Apple podcasts. If that's where you listen doing that helps other people discover the show. I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon.

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Dr. Erika Bocknek (https://www.instagram.com/drerikaconvo/) is a university professor, family therapist, and mom of 3. She holds a master’s degree in Couples and Family Therapy, a doctorate in Child Development, and two postdoctoral fellowships in Child Psychiatry and Infant Mental Health. She is the Associate Editor of the Infant Mental Health Journal and serves on the editorial boards of Adversity and Resilience Science and Infancy. She has published over 50 peer-reviewed research papers and book chapters for professional audiences, and she has also written articles for parents that have been seen in PBS Newshour, Marketwatch, the San Francisco Chronicle, and K’veller. She is a well-regarded trainer and has taught audiences as diverse as the psychology department at Children’s Hospital of Michigan, early childhood educators in Metro Detroit, family court judges across the state of Michigan, and the Detroit Pistons marketing department.

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Nina Jackson is the most recent contributor to our on-going series of Shower Advice. You can be next! Call Zak with your shower advice @ 844-935-BEST

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Terry Rawls is the president of Strategic Transitions Group.

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Savitha Viswanathan is a designer, illustrator and founder of Mothertongue Foods.

Mothertongue Foods - https://www.savithadesign.com/greatergoodmt

Regional Mirepoix- https://www.thekitchn.com/make-it-your-way-with-regional-mirapoix-178908

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPTS

ZAK: Today on Food Friday, you're gonna become a better cook.

SAVITHA: Hi Zak. My name is Savitha Viswanathan and my Food Friday good advice is how to make Indian mirepoix. For people who like to cook Indian food or would like to try cooking Indian food, it's a great shortcut and before I start cooking any Indian dish, I make batch. Mirepoix term for chopped celery, carrots and onions. And it's used as a base in a lot of dishes. And my Indian style mirepoix has four ingredients, onions, garlic, ginger and green chile. I use these ingredients in just about any dish I cook from vegetable curries to meat dishes to spiced-lentils. To make a batch I chop one onion, four cloves of garlic, two inches of green chili and two inches of fresh ginger. You can make double and triple batches and keep them in the fridge and use as needed. It's really helpful when you're trying to cut back on time but don't want to cut back on flavor.

ZAK: Savitha is a designer and illustrator and founder of the project, Mothertounge Foods. I put a link to her site in our show notes. There's also a picture on our Instagram of Savitha and her 13 year old son, Naveen. He helped her comes up with her advice on today's show. Thank you, Naveen! Lastly, I put another link in our show notes from the website, The Kitchn about regional mirepoix from around the world. If you're enjoying a show leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. I really appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

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Chelsea Devantez (chelseadevantez) is a comedian, TV writer, filmmaker host of podcast, Celebrity Book Club.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Chelsea Devantez is a very busy creative person.

CHELSEA: I am a comedian, TV writer and filmmaker and I also have a podcast called, Celebrity Book Club where I recap and celebrate really great female, celebrity memoirs with a new guest every week.

ZAK: A while ago, Chelsea figured out a way to temper her disappointment. It might work for you too.

CHELSEA: In order to do something creatively and do it really well you have to put your heart and soul and everything into it, but then, you know, at lease when you're in my line of it, the entertainment line, it means when it doesn't go well, it's absolutely devastating and then it's hard to get back up again because you put everything into it. So the piece of advice that me and my friend, Ashley Nicole Black, I can't remember who came up with it, if it was me or her, but we gave it to each other which is to line up another project when you're midway through your current project. So if you get your dream show and you're gonna pitch it, now line up your dream feature and before you can hear the answer to one of them, you've already put so much momentum into the second one that you can never hit the ground completely because momentum of the next project is already holding you up.

ZAK: Yeah, so you're saving yourself from that awful deflation, devastation moment when they say, we're not picking up your show, and you're nothing because you had all your eggs in that basket, so you're spreading out your eggs!

CHELSEA: You're spreading out your eggs and you're also, when you get that devastating news, you have a net which is like, well I'm still working on this other thing. So, I can't fall too hard because I held up some of my emotions with the other projects.

ZAK: Can you compare and contrast the way a no felt then to the way a no feels now?

CHELSEA: Oh my gosh. Yeah. I would be sobbing with all the lights out for maybe, like, seven hours to the point where my roommate at the time came home and was like, 'Do we need to call somebody!?' So, yeah, I would get knocked down really hard and it would take me a long time to come back and the depression was really intense. So, this really changed things for me when I learned to spread out my passions and not fully give everything until the moment it was truly going so that I always had a creative pursuit I was exciting about and no one could ever take it away from me because I always had something creative I loved going on.

ZAK: To practice this advice it seems you've got to work maybe even twice as hard but it really seems like a great way to save yourself from a lot of a heartache. Thank you, Chelsea. Good stuff. If you have some advice I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Talk to you soon.

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Claire Nelson is a co-founder of Urban Consulate.

I want to hear from you. Tell me your advice by calling 844-945-BEST.

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Marc Summerfield is the author of Leadership: Three Key Employee-Centered Elements with Case Studies - https://www.amazon.com/Leadership-Three-Employee-Centered-Elements-Studies/dp/1664130616

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Today's advice is about being a good boss. My guest is Marc Summerfield.

MARC: I'm a registered pharmacist and I have managed pharmacies in various health settings for over 45-years and recently I retired.

ZAK: Based on Marc's decades working as a boss and doing research, he's distilled what he thinks it takes to be effective down to three elements.

MARC: Connection. You have to connect with people. Gratitude. You have to make sure they know you appreciate them. And responsiveness. You have to respond to their needs.

ZAK: So, we're gonna work our way through these three elements. First one, connection.

MARC: Of course, there's a line you can't go over in terms their personal lives but they have to feel that they have a connection with you and that they can talk to you, express their opinions to you and that you'll listen and that you care.

ZAK: Ok, now gratitude.

MARC: And it doesn't have to be that sophisticated. I once worked for a pharmacist who got in early everyday and as people came in, he thanked them for coming in and for being at work and for participating. And then at the end of the shift, he stood at the door and thanked them each as they exited. And those simple things, people just have such a need to know that their work, their presence, what they contribute is being appreciated.

ZAK: And lastly, responsiveness.

MARC: Just listening to them and responding to what's called their implicit and explicit needs. Explicit are the ones they express, like I'd like to have a water cooler. I'd like to have a new type of name badge or whatever. And then the other thing is their implicit needs...the ones they don't express but you can figure out what they need in order to do their jobs better because some people just may not realize what they need or may not express them.

ZAK: Marc has thought so much about being a boss that he wrote a book about it. It's called Leadership.. I linked to it in our show notes. If you are a boss, I wonder if these principles resonate with you. Regardless, I hope you're being good to your people. This is The Best Advice Show. I would love to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Talk to you soon.

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Amanda Alexander is the founding Executive Director of the Detroit Justice Center.

How Black women have built movements and cultivated joy by Amanda Alexander https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/02/11/opinion/how-black-women-have-built-movements-cultivated-joy/

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: One of Amanda's nieces is named Fiona, or Fio. And Fio is the inspiration for all the advice Amanda is gonna share this week.

AMANDA: So this was last summer when people had taken to the streets in the wake of the calling of George Floyd and Brianna Taylor and Tony McDade and Elijah McClain and so many people. And I had gone to a rally that was called by some brave, young organizers here in the city of Detroit and they were calling for police free schools. So they were demanding that all of the funding for police be cut by next here. And Mo and I were there with her daughter, Fiona, who is now almost 2 years-old and we were leaving the rally and Mo turned to me and just said, you know, in the face of everything that's going on. All of the misery and trauma and everything that we're up against, how do you stay focused on joy and possibility and liberation? And the second part to her question was, how can I raise Fiona with that sense of possibility? And I certainly can't give parenting advice. I'm not a parent. I wouldn't presume to do that. But I did think there might be some things I could share with Fiona directly. So I decided after giving her what felt like a throwaway answer, I promised to give it more thought and sat down and spent some time with old journals thinking back on what are some of these practices that feel second-nature to me now that are so part of how I live. What is there that I could pass on to Fiona as she's coming up? And what could be useful to her and to folks in her generation.

ZAK: Amanda's letter to Fiona was first published in the Boston Globe on February 11th. The headline is, How Black Woman Have Built Movements and Cultivated Joy. And so all week Amanda and I are gonna dig in to that letter and talk about some of the advice that she shared with Fiona which I think is also very relevant to you and me. Today's advice, practice your freedom.

AMANDA: So this one I wanted to let Fio know that even-though we are fighting to be free, we also have to practice our freedom now. Most weeks I'll take a tech Sabbath so I just put my phone away and laptop away and I sit down in the morning at my dining room table and I write out a list and at the top of the page I write, TODAY I WANT. And then I listen. I want to make it clear this is not a to-do list. This isn't a list of things I should do but it's a list of things that if I really listen deeply to my gut and to my intuition, it's what I want. Today I want to be by the water or I want to take a walk through tall trees or I want to hear my friend's voice. And it keeps me in the habit of being guided by my intuition and making sure that I know what I want and I know what it feels like to practice my freedom and making sure there's a distinction between that and the imposition of someone else's will. And I got this idea after reading Lorraine Hansberry's list she had written back in 1960. She would write a list of her likes and hates. Things like, I love Mahalia Jackson's music. I like my husband most of the time. I like dressing up. And what stuck me was how well she knew her interior world. As a Black, queer woman in the 50s and 60s and I just really admired that and I wondered, do I know myself that way? Do I know how I feel most free? So I wanted to challenge myself to do that every week and to stay in that practice and to know what feels good to me. How I want to move through the day and by knowing that I can then communicate what I feel, what I want and what I need and it helps me show up in my relationships better.

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Rich Feldman is a former auto worker and union official. He's a board member of the James and Grace Lee Boggs Center to Nurture Community Leadership.

End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

RICH: This is Rich Feldman. I spent 20 years on the assembly line at Ford Motor Company out in Wayne. About 10 years as an elected, local official and about ten years with the international staff of the United Auto Workers.

ZAK: Especially on the Labor Day, Rich says it's very easy to be nostalgic about the past. But this year is not like every other year.

RICH: Well this Labor Day, which is taking place with almost 200-thousand people killed by COVID and the Movement For Black Lives since George Floyd was killed...it's critical that we not think of just going through the motions or just cheering on unions. So while I always say that without a union, you have nothing. With the union I believe you have a chance to have some security and have your voice heard and be responsible for what your work place should be.

So my advice is, ask yourself what is the purpose of work and how do we become responsible workers and human beings? And returning to normal is not the way to do it...it's to create a new vision and a new purpose which is gonna take a lot, a lot of work and a lot of reflection.

ZAK: Well, how do you answer that question? What is the purpose of work?

RICH: So to me the purpose of work is for individuals to do what allows each of us to express our passions, to be responsible to our neighbors, to be responsible to our community and the planet. It's time for us to say, what are we producing as well as our rights and our contractual rights.

ZAK: Rich edited an oral history called End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream. I put a link to it in our show notes. Thank you for listening to a special Labor Day episode of the Best Advice Show. I hope today is full or joy and fun and rest and contemplation.

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Kat Harris (@therefinedwoman) is an author, coach and host of The Refined Collective Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: You've been cheated on. You've been lied to. You've been taken advantage of. Someone stole something from you. Someone offended. Someone abused. Someone assaulted you. Before you confront the person that wronged you, maybe consider this strategy.

KAT: I will write a letter to that person that I never send to them. So, let me get out on a piece of paper every thing that I want to say. You cheated on me. You lied to me. And when you did that, this is how it made me feel. And, I'm angry. I'm pissed. And I want you to know this. And so, really almost, you know...we have these fake conversations in our hand of, oh, if I got another chance to talk to that person, I would say this! Do that. Write it all out. Don't send it and sit with it for a day or two and then write yourself a letter back from that person.

ZAK: Damn.

KAT: What do you need to hear from them? When I've done that with people that have hurt me or ex's or family members, it's amazing how healing it actually is and how oftentimes, all i really want is to be acknowledged. I'm so sorry I did that. I wish I wouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry for the pain that I've caused you. If I could take it back I would. Just write out exactly the words that you need to hear because the reality is, you may never get those words. And when I hold on to un-forgiveness in my body, it only impacts me.

ZAK: There's a time and a place, right, to do actual conflict-resolution in your life. But what you're talking about is, this is instances where it doesn't need to resolve itself?

KAT: Yeah. It could be with a person in your life that maybe they're not on this earth any more. I have friends that have un-forgiveness toward parents who are no longer on this earth. It could be a person that you are not in relationship with and it doesn't feel right to have that closure with them. It could be with someone who you want to have an in-person conflict-resolution with but you first want to figure out, what am I actually upset about here. And so, before going balls to the wall in an in-person conversation or a FaceTime, Zoom, whatever that may be...You really sitting with, what's coming up for me? What in me feels pricked by this situation? What boundaries feel violated? And, what actually do I want to hear from them because I think sometimes we feel hurt and that feeling of hurt feels so big or anger feels so big but typically under anger is sadness, disappointment, feeling the rejection, not being seen. And so, really I think that letter exercise gives you that permission to let the dust settle a little bit and figure out, oh, here's what's really coming up for me. I thought it was this but really, it's this.

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Waxahatchee's new album, Tiger's Blood, comes out next week on Anti-Records

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Ji Hye Kim is the chef and owner of MISS KIM in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Food & Wine just named her one of The Best New Chefs in the U.S.

GENTLE SALTING WITH JI HYE KIM

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Instagram/Facebook/Twitter

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Courtney Daniels is a writer-director. Her films are about marriage and the struggles of creative people. Her new series is about actors looking for love and work in LA called This F*%king Town. She was last on this show talking about taping your mouth shut.

The Meaning of Truth by Nichole J. Sachs

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Brenda Strausz is a therapist from Detroit, Michigan.

The Marianne Williamson poem from this episode is from 'A Return to Love.'

Have you even been liberated in a moment? I want to hear that story. Write to me at Zak@BestAdvice.Show. Talk to you tomorrow.

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I'm always amazed by stories of people changing in an instant. I think most of us change over time, gradually. But not Brenda Strausz. She was working as an elemnaty school teacher. She loved her students. But, she felt hamstrung.

BRENDA: I couldn't give them the love and caring as much as I wanted to because, you know, we were under all these guidelines that we had to do.

ZAK: And then one day, she was at a teacher's conferance, and a fellow teacher read a passage from the author and future presidenteial cnadiatde, Mariiane Williamson. And this passage, Brenda says, completely liberated her, upon hearing.

BRENDA:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others."

BRENDA: That changed my life. I sat in that room and I, I had this feeling inside of me, that I can do whatever I want. You know? And that's when I back to school to be a therapist. I didn't have to be, you know, in a profession that I wasn't able to help as much as I could.

ZAK: What did you feel in that moment?

BRENDA: I felt so full. ha! I can't explain it. It was like this, uh, you believe in Jesus? hahaha. I just rose, you know? I can't explain it. It was the weirdest thing. When she actually said, No, you are powerful beyond measure. You can do anything. So just realizing that it was in me, you know? That I could be powerful and do anything I wanted.

ZAK: Brenda Strausz is a therapist from Detroit, Michigan. That Marianne Williamson quote is from 'A Return to Love: Reflections on the principles of a course in miracles." Have you even been liberated in a moment? I want to hear that story. Write to me at Zak@BestAdvice.Show. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Timm Chiusano makes charming and intimate daily films on social media. Check out his stuff!!!!

GET YOUR BEST ADVICE SHOW MUG HERE!

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Margo Dalal lives in Detroit.

So much of this show is going to originate with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

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Janice Fialka is a nationally-recognized lecturer, author, and advocate on issues related to disability, parent-professional partnerships, inclusion, raising a child with disabilities, sibling issues, and post-secondary education. Janice is also a parent, poet, a compelling storyteller, and an award-winning advocate for families and persons with disabilities.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

JANICE: My name is Janice Fialka. My husband and I have two adult children, Micah and Emma. I'm a social worker by background and also been an activist for a few decades since the early days of the Woman's Movement and I have grown fonder and fonder of poetry over the years.

ZAK: And you have a belief about poetry.

JANICE: Yeah, I mean poetry lives on the page and many of us, you know, pick up the book or pick up the page and read the poem quietly. And that's one way, but I have found that a way that really...I'm drawn to is to lift the words off the page and read them out loud because it takes a different kind of energy when I'm just reading it from the page silently I sometimes will speed to the punch-line or the last line where as if I'm reading it out loud to myself, it doesn't have to be to anyone else, you know, I linger sort of leisurely on each line. Sometimes repeating the line out loud. So it just has a very different feel for it. There's a call I think of poetry that says I want to be out side just your head and that connects me to taking it beyond sort of the internal. So many times I think it's just for me. I mean for years I was intimidated by poetry. I didn't understand a lot of it and so I found that if I read it out loud or someone read it to me I, I got more of it.

ZAK: Obviously, we have to finish with a poem. This one is from Mary Oliver.

JANICE: It's called Instructions for Living A Life.

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

ZAK: This is The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST. And if you love this show think about rating and reviewing it on whatever app you use. I know Apple is a popular one. I know you can rate on Stitcher. It's another way of letting peope discover the show. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

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Rebecca Lehrer is the co-founder and CEO of The Mash-Up Americans. She has spent 18+ years doing strategy, marketing, and audience development in media, arts, and culture (Director of BD at New York Public Radio, The Flea Theater, Headlands Center for the Arts, Righteous Persons Foundation) and has over 12 years experience in audio and podcasting. Her work focuses on the shared cultural experiences that bring people together and re-centering stories on voices you don’t usually hear.  She earned an MBA at the Yale School of Management and a BA in English at Columbia University. You can find her in Los Angeles, where she’s never out of hummus, hot sauce, and olives.

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Cyndie Spiegal, author of Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay, is an outspoken speaker, community builder, and business coach on a mission to empower others to refine their mindsets for good, and help them realize their wildest dreams. Her unique blend of straight talk, relatability, sass, and inspiration has made her a sought-after speaker for brands, conferences, and events. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, with her photographer husband and two overly particular cats. She was last on The Best Advice Show talking about how not to be creepy when talking to strangers. 

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Sarah Polley is an Academy Award-winning screenwriter, director, and actor. After making short films, Polley made her feature-length directorial debut with the drama film Away from Her in 2006. Polley received an Oscar nomination for the screenplay, which she adapted from the Alice Munro story “The Bear Came Over the Mountain.” Her other projects include the documentary film Stories We Tell (2012), which won the New York Film Critics Circle prize and the National Board of Review award for best documentary; the miniseries adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s novel Alias Grace (2017); and the romantic comedy Take This Waltz (2011). Her most recent film is WOMEN TALKING.  Her new book is Run Towards the Danger.

You can hear Sarah's other piece of advice on the evolving stories we tell ourselves here.

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Gretchen Rubin (@gretchenrubin) is the co-host of the Happier podcast and wrote New York Times bestsellers Outer Order, Inner Calm, The Four Tendencies, Better Than Before, and The Happiness Project. -

QUIZ - ARE YOU DRIFTING

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Gretchen Rubin is back with another absolute gem on drift.

GRETCHEN: So, drift is the decision that we make by not deciding or by making the decision that is just the easiest and causes the least friction. You know, I go to law school because I'm good at research and writing. I become a doctor because both my parents are doctors. I get married because all my friends are getting married. I take this job because someone offers me this job. We're drifting because we're not making an intentional choice. We're not deciding what we're going after. We're just doing the thing that comes most easily. Now, what can be deceptive about the word drift is it sounds like the easy way or the lazy way but drift is often accompanies with a tremendous amount of work. I drifted into law school because I thought, well, my father's really happy as a lawyer, maybe I'll be happy. I'm good at research and writing I can always change my mind later. It's a great education. It'll keep my options open and I don't know what else to do with myself. So drift isn't always the easy way but it's the way that makes us make the non-choice choice. And sometimes drift works out find and people drift into situations and careers that they're happy with. But a lot of times drift doesn't work out that way because we haven't chosen to do something, we've just drifted into it. So, you know, there's a good change that maybe it's not gonna be a great fit.

ZAK: How do we know when we're drifting?

GRETCHEN: One is if you often have the feeling that you're living someone else's life. Or you feel like you're off-track. I was as a lawyer, clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor and I was enjoying it tremendously. I felt so lucky to be there and yet I did feel like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I felt like I was sort of on a lark. On a detour is the only way that I can describe it. It didn't feel like it was the center of my life. Or, if you have a fantasy that something's gonna blow up your life or in a way that would somehow make it impossible for you to continue or if you have a fantasy life where you're constantly day-dreaming. Or, maybe it's just the opposite. Maybe you're very distressed when somebody talks about something that maybe was once interesting to you but now it's like you can't even bare to think about it because it's so emotionally fraught for you, you can't bare it. Or if you get extremely defensive if somebody suggests that what you're doing isn't the right choice or not the only choice. If you're an associate at a law firm and somebody says something like, well, financial security isn't taht important to me. And you become furious at the idea that somebody would say that. It's like, why is that so energized for you? Often, drift is just feeling like I just did the obvious thing at every turn. I just did the thing that everybody expected for me or that I expected for myself and I took the obvious choice. Often, that is drift.

ZAK: Just so you know. If you are drifting. That's ok.

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Nick is the creator of Love + Radio and The Secrets Hotline which you can call @ 1-929-SECRETS (929-732-7387)

More secret-centric advice from TBAS: Exorcise the Icky with adrienne maree brown

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Lainey is seven years-old.

To offer your own advice, call me at 844-935-BEST or visit BestAdvice.show

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Eric Johnson is the host of the Follow Friday Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Not all of us but most us are struggling with some form of social media addiction. I certainly am. And that's why today's advice is very refreshing and helpful.

ERIC: Yeah. So my advice is to mute people aggressively. Specifically on Twitter but I think this applies to any sort of social media. And my reason for that is part of the way I think you have a good experience online is to curate who you follow to really seek out the best people and try to and just focus your time on the people who are most interesting to you who also represent a broad range of your interests who are not just one thing. But, a necessary compliment to that is that I think you should also be muting, un-friending, un-following...generally speaking policing what else gets into your feed and really trying to be vigilant about not letting too much in that's going to unnecessarily wind you up. There are good reasons to get angry. There are good reasons to get sad but there's a lot of crap on social media and the most effective way to maintain your sanity is to just, you know, mute people, block people, move on...not them drag you down into their swamp, you know?

ZAK: Not them drag them down into their swamp. That's really good. Why are we diving into other people's swamps voluntarily? There's no reason to do that. There is the promise of social media that you can learn about divergent points-of-view and stuff and this isn't necessarily what you're talking about. What's the criteria for, if I'm gonna go onto Twitter today and mute the swamp people. What am I looking for?

ERIC: Yeah, I think it is really important to distinguish between, I disagree with this and this should be muted. It's not a complete overlap. My main criterion is, is someone acting in bad faith? Are they saying something just to get a rise out of people? Are they saying something that I think they don't really mean? It's a gut call. I don't perfectly know for sure. If you spend enough time online, you can get a sense for when someone is earnestly trying to represent how they feel about something versus when someone is playing the game. Right? When they are playing the algorithm or when they're ramping the all caps or the exclamation points or the adjectives they use to really wind people up and get attention.

ZAK: And now after having done this for several years now and ramped up over the last year, how do you describe the difference in your spirit now that you've done this?

ERIC: Oh my gosh. It's so much better to really be taking control. I do think that there should be more more intentional proactive efforts made on the part of Twitter and Youtube and Facebook and other platforms to let everyone have a saner experience...to make it easier and more transparent of how to use these tools, how to mute people but as someone who has dove into the settings and taught myself how to us them I do feel so much happier when I go online. To your point earlier when you're talking about the difference between what you disagree with versus what you're muting...I don't think people should be getting all of their news, all their information from social media. I think that a healthy news diet comes from all sorts of places and not just online, not just any one website or social app but the reality is that we spend a lot of our time on these apps. This is how, especially during the pandemic, a lot of us have been doing our socializing is just hanging out on these apps and so I think, you know, the more control you can exert over it, it really does have a profound impact on your sanity, your happiness. At least that's what I've found. It really works for me.

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Wendy S. Walters is a writer and the Director of the Nonfiction Concentration and Associate Professor of Writing, Nonfiction in the School of the Arts at Columbia University.

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TRANSCRIPT:

WENDY: Well, I think I'm used to being uncomfortable so I am very enthusiastic about other people being uncomfortable because it kind of makes you pay attention in a slightly different way than you would with others and, you know, I say this to my son all the time you know you have that moment of discomfort, uh, but generally you survive it. Like, usually 9.9 times out 10 you survive your discomfort. So, I think that the discomfort is a real gift in terms teaching you how to get past something that is completely internal. Other people may not recognize that you're uncomfortable but you feel it and you know when you stop being uncomfortable and the more resilience you can develop in terms of that discomfort, the more engaged I think you can be with other people who aren't like yourself.

Many Americans...they associate being uncomfortable with being in danger. On the base level being uncomfortable is not having access to choosing the options that you would normally choose. And for many people that is experienced as catastrophe. That is experienced as damage and I think that is really, it's an overstatement and it in some ways reflects how much we become accustomed to being catered to.

ZAK: So is this advice...make yourself uncomfortable?

WENDY: Let's see, is it make yourself uncomfortable or is it if you find yourself in the space of being uncomfortable, embrace it as a moment for opportunity and reflection on who you are and what you value.

ZAK: Wendy S. Walters is a writer and professor of writing at Columbia University. I want to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. If you're finding this show valuable I hope you'll share it with your friends and family and maybe even write a review on Apple Podcasts if that's where you listen. That's gonna help this show sustain itself. Thank you in advance. I'll talk to you soon.

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Jaye Johnson is a Peabody award-winning journalist, filmmaker, producer, and writer exploring the ways cultural expectations shape our public and private behavior. She is the founder and editor of The Pleasure Report, an online space that explores the intersection of politics, culture, and pleasure. As a TED Resident, she has been writing and speaking about sexuality and sense education. Her TED Talk, What We Don’t Teach Kids About Sex, has been viewed 3.5 million times and is translated into 27 languages.

Joe Richman is the founder of Radio Diaries, a Peabody award-winning producer and reporter whose pioneering series Teenage Diaries brought the voices of teenagers to a national audience on NPR’s All Things Considered. Before founding Radio Diaries, he worked on the NPR programs All Things Considered, Weekend Edition Saturday, Car Talk, and Heat. Joe also teaches radio documentary at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism. The LA Times called Joe “a kind of Studs Terkel of the airwaves.”

Being Close with Michael Franti

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Emily Sotelo Matlack has been fascinated by relationships since she was young, and has immersed herself in relationship education and creating healthy communication tools for nearly a decade. She is a co-host of the Mulitamory podcast and the co-author of Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. Additionally, she is an actor, singer, and proud vegan. She is the funny bone of the Multiamory trio, and she'll also kick your ass at Mario Kart. 😝 In addition to laughing and crying about relationships on air each week, you can spot her singing and dancing in a play, performing in Hong Kong or Shanghai Disneyland, or serving every vegan who ever lived at the plant-based restaurant at which she works. You can contact Emily at emily@multiamory.com

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Jules cleans their feet in Los Angeles, California.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Morning Zesting with Drew Philp - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020424_morning-zesting-with-drew-philp/

Restarting Your Day with Ken Haddad - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020513_restarting-your-day-with-ken-haddad/

TRANSCRIPT:

Sound of faucet turning on.

JULES: Hi Zak, my name is Jules. I live in LA and my advice is to wash your feet because they often get forgotten and I thought in the shower when you would stand in the shower, your feet would get all washed but they just got neglected because they just had running soap and water all over it. So, give a little more attention to your feet. At the end of the long day, I like to just wash my feet in the bath to get all of the gunk off. Um, and it feels really good once you do it and you get in between the toes. It's something that's so easy to forget and feels so nice to do. 

ZAK: If you like Jules' advice, you might want to check out a few other episodes that are shower and bath related. There's Morning Zesting with Drew Philp and there's Restarting Your Day with Ken Haddad. 

KEN: I've discovered a new kind of coffee in the middle of the day and it's something that I'm calling the lunch-hour-shower. 

ZAK: Both of those episodes are linked to in our show notes. If you have some advice, call me at 844-935-BEST. I'm gonna go clean my feet. 

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Kyunghee Kim is a Korean American writer, poet, storyteller, and life coach in the Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor area, Michigan. Her book is See Us Bloom.

You can subscribe to  Kyunghee's  newsletter, Late Bloomers Club here - https://latebloomersclub.substack.com/

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Bobby Dorigo Jones called the advice show hotline @ 844-935-BEST

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Analyzing Envy with Gretchen Rubin

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Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

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Steven Handel is an author, blogger, and self-improvement coach. He writes at The Emotion Machine.

So much of this show is going to originate with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Jonathan London is a leadership development professional and songwriter from Michigan.

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My New Habit for Tackling Nagging Tasks: Power Hour. - Gretchen Rubin

To join The Best Advice Show Power Hour Club, email ZAK@bestadvice.show and I'll send you an invite.

Our first power hour is 6/21 @ 3 PM EST.

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Charlie Harding (@charlieharding) co-hosts the podcast, Switched on Pop.

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TRANSCRIPT:

CHARLIE: It's a terrible thing but I feel like we're all in contest for each other's attention and there is an art to capturing someone's attention and respecting it.

ZAK: Charlie Harding is a musician and co-host of the wonderful podcast, Switched on Pop. He's got some advice today about e-mailing and doing your best to get the attention of whomever you're writing.

CHARLIE: I get way too many emails asking for things because I'm a music journalist and that means I get nearly 100 press requests a day where people are saying, like, 'hey, I would love to have x artist on your show' or I have really wonderful listeners who are like, 'hey, I have this brilliant musical idea. I'd like to share it with you. Can we discuss it?'

ZAK: And what does it do to you, getting all these messages?

CHARLIE: I live in a constant stat of panic. I feel a great sense of responsibility to get back to people. And it would take more than my full day to provide a meaningful response to every note that I get.

ZAK: What would make your life easier in dealing with this barrage of emails?

CHARLIE: Because I sometimes have to ask for things. I try to put myself in the other person's shoes and think, well, they don't have any time so how can I say something meaningful. And it basically distills down to this. If you're gonna write an email, it should be three very short paragraphs. We're talking like, six sentences total, maybe eight. And it should have a pretty clear structure.

First paragraph, who are you? Why are you writing?

Second paragraph is, show me that you've done extensive research about whatever your question is...that you know the work that I've done...I think especially because I make work for public consumption, I expect that you've gone and looked to see if I've actually reported on the thing already.

And then third paragraph, make a very ask with a very specific question that clearly, I'm the only person that can provide the answer to that question and I feel so thoroughly ingratiated by all the research that you've done, of course I'm gonna get back to you.

ZAK: And it's also reminded me that as I've been pitching a lot of people to come on this show, what I've grown to love maybe the most, is a quick no, When people can't do it, when they respond fast and say, 'thank you so much for asking but it's not gonna happen,' like that's great. I'm so grateful for a quick response.

CHARLIE: Totally. No, that's for real. Being dragged along forever and ever like I did for you is probably the worst thing anyone can do. hahah.

ZAK: It wasn't forever and ever.

CHARLIE: But here's the thing is like, like, the reason why this is actually an important matter is that we all just need to be freed from the constraints of our barrage of communication and had everybody else been writing me nice, effective, brief emails like yours then I would actually get to them all much more timely. hahaha.

ZAK: Yeah, and now maybe they will.

CHARLIE: I hope so. hahah.

Charlie Harding podcasts and responds to emails from Los Angeles, California.

ZAK: Do you have some advice that might save us some time or energy? I would love to hear it. Let me know by calling our hotline 844-935-BEST.

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Andy Kushnir is a writer, landscaper, cook, dad and hubby living in LA

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Hey, it's Zak. It's The Best Advice Show and today we're gonna think in the long term and change our behavior in the short term.

ANDY: I grew up playing sports and it occurred to me as I get older and my body continues to break down and get worse and worse by the minute that I can't do this forever and I played soccer growing up and you go and look at a soccer field and there aren't 60 year-olds running around and in the pandemic I struggled with depression and I started to take stock of the older men in my life. None of which I would qualify or describe as happy people and I thought, what's that about? Now, all the older woman in my life are thriving. They are in a million clubs. They're doing a million things. They have a vibrant social life and they seem to be doing very well. And, you know, I started to think, a lot of the older men I know are sitting around and watching MSNBC all day and they don't have anything to do. They don't have a hobby. They don't have a place to go. They don't work anymore. Their whole lives were for work and making money and I so I need to start developing a way to be happy that isn't related to work. So, I began cooking and taking cooking very seriously in my house. We moved during the pandemic from a little apartment in Los Angeles proper and we moved to the valley which is like the suburbs of LA and we got a little house that has a yard and I've taken to re-doing the full yard and that brings me a lot of happiness. I've got all of North Hollywood helping me. All my neighbors have lent me tools which has helped foster community as well through this hobby and being outside has made me happier. Its helped with my depression and its helped me talk about things that aren't just work and honestly I think the whole experience is an exercise in anti-Capitalism. Just finding happiness where I am with what I'm doing and not thinking about how will I pay for blank or where am I in my career.

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Michelle Ganley is a managing editor at Graham Media.

The Best Cookie Recipe - https://hostthetoast.com/best-chewy-cafe-style-chocolate-chip-cookies/

How To Brown Your Butter - https://www.howsweeteats.com/2012/10/exactly-how-i-brown-my-butter/

7 ways to make better cookies from scratch - https://www.clickondetroit.com/2019/10/01/7-ways-to-make-better-cookies-from-scratch/

#foodfriday

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David Plotz is the CEO of City Cast and co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest Podcast.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: The art of saying no. It's something we've talked about on this show before, but not like this.

DAVID: There's a whole category of invitation that one gets, or one used to get, used to get back in the days when there was invitations and things to do. But there will be invitations and things to do in the future. And there were invitations to do something so far off in the future that it was like, you couldn't even imagine it. You couldn't even conceive that that future would ever come and so you'd get an invitation, like, go to this party or have dinner with this person or appear on this panel. And it's months and months out and your natural assumption is, oh, it's so far away...yeah, that's fine, I'll plan for it, it will be great. I've got a great piece of advice which is, whenever you get an invitation for something that's more than 48-hours away, you ask yourself, would I do it tomorrow. Not would I do it in a hypothetical tomorrow. Look at your actual schedule for tomorrow and be like, if I realized I had to do this tomorrow, would I want to do it and if you want to do it, if you imagine, like, oh yeah, I would do it because tomorrow I have to drop the kids off at football practice and then I have a little space...yeah, it would be fun. That would be fun. Then you can accept it but if you're like, you know, actually, I don't relish the prospect of doing this tomorrow then don't accept it.

ZAK: And have you experienced any subsequent FOMO from saying no?

DAVID: I cannot think of a thing about which I've experienced FOMO. I literally cannot think of anything like that. I'm trying to imagine if there's anything like that. No. No. There was a trip to...maybe there was some trip somewhere which I once said no to and then I had slight, tiny tinge of regret but I can't even remember what it is so it can't have been that much regret. No.

I'm David Plotz and I'm the CEO of City Cast which is gonna be a network of daily, local podcasts in cities around the country. And I'm the also the co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest Podcast.

ZAK: Full disclosure, City Cast is funded by Graham Holdings. They are the parent company of the company I work for, Graham Media. Just so you know. Thanks for listening today to The Best Advice Show. I want to hear your advice. What is it? Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. I hope that the start of your year is going ok and that this show is helping in some small way. Bye.

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Shira Heisler is a friend, mother, daughter, doctor and Zak's wife. She's the co-host of Pregnant Pause.

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Shira on Farting

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Shira on Fruit Prep

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Shira on Salting

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Shira on Complimenting

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Shira on Critiquing

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Shira on Splitting

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Leave Zak your advice by calling 844-935-BEST

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IG: @bestadviceshow

home: bestadvice.show

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Audio artist, screenwriter, performer, and story editor Sharon Mashihi is the creator and host of the podcast Appearances from Mermaid Palace and Radiotopia.

Sharon on managing fear and self-doubt, saying yes to your wild ideas, and using rituals to break through creative blocks.

Aaron Finbloom and The School of Making Thinking

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Sharon Mashihi is one of my favorite audio people. One of my favorite artists in general, I'd say. She made this podcast called Appearances, which if you haven't heard yet, just stop this episode and go listen to that. But anyways, I was reading an interview with her on a website called The Creative Independent, and she talked with the interviewer about this thing called, Structured Walks.

SHARON: Alright. It's recording and unfortunately, I'm not able to fully monitor the levels but they look good.

SHARON: You and I would take a walk and we'd time it.

SHARON: I was thinking we could do 25-minutes you and 25-minutes me and then we'll both walk in one direction and we'll both walk back. Does that sound good?

ZAK: Perfect.

SHARON: You know, my friend, Aaron Finbloom, devised this but I always think of Socrates and those dudes. They were walking.

ZAK: So, I'm walking on Belle Isle which I may have mentioned to you before. It's the big, public park in Detroit.

SHARON: Uh huh.

ZAK: So, the concept here is simple. You can try it today with a friend who lives in your town. Or you can do what Sharon and I did and call someone up. You take a walk on your end, like I did in Detroit. And then they'll be wherever they are. Sharon was in New York City when we talked.

SHARON: Go first Zak. I think it should be you. Alarm set.

ZAK: For the first half of the walk I'm talking through this current creative struggle I'm having. I've been mapping out this historical fiction project but I don't know how to start and I'm intimidated.

SHARON: Maybe can you articulate what your hurdle is with fiction?

ZAK: And this is all we're talking about for 25-minutes. My current struggle and then when those 25-minutes are up, we turn the tables and it's Sharon's turn. You can do it for however long you want. I think the important thing is that it's equal amounts of time for both people.

SHARON: What I had in mind to talk to you about. I'll paint the picture. It has to do with work and art and how organize this next chapter of my life. Um...

ZAK: The structured walk is such a simple, effective tool. And it can work for anything. You don't have to be engaged in a creative project for this to work. Maybe you're just having such questions you want to wrestle with about your work life or a relationship.

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Jan Worth Nelson and Ted Nelson are writers  and editors from Flint, MI.

An Eschatological Laundry List: By Sheldon Kopp (1974)

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Bita writes and podcasts about modern Persian recipes @ovenhug and on the Modern Persian Food Podcast.

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Medicinal Properties of Persian Spices with Dr. Mahtab Jafari

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The Best Sleep of Your Life with Courtney Daniels

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Sharing from a Deep Well of Knowledge with Dan Messé 

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Today we remember Detroit's poet laureate, Naomi Long Madgett (1923-2020) with help from poet, playwright, arts critic, a Wayne State University emeritus professor of English, Bill Harris and artist, Nichole Christian.

You Are My Joy and Pain - https://www.wsupress.wayne.edu/books/detail/you-are-my-joy-and-pain

NLM's Monograph - http://kresge.org/sites/default/files/Naomi_Long_Madgett_Monograph.pdf

TRANSCRIPT

ZAK: Detroit lost one of its creative giants last week, Naomi Long Madgett was the city's poet laureate since 2001. She was also a teacher, mentor and publishing powerhouse. In 1972, she founded lotus press because she was tired of there not being enough places for black poets to publish. Today's advice is to seek out her work. There's a ton of it. I talked to poet, playwright and Detroiter, Bill Harris about what Naomi Long Madgett meant to him.

BILL: She was a gentle lady and a kind of quieting presence and was always for that reason fairly intimidating to me. I always wanted to be my best self when I was around Naomi and, you know, after I got to know her as a person, she still had that kind of effect on me...that kind of aura as if she were an aunt in the family but that side of the family I needed to please.

ZAK: And who was she on the page?

BILL: She was a craftsperson and the kinds of things and insights at the center of her work that could only be reached through this process of being, I think, very still and very skilled at what she did. There was never any bombast. There was never any kind of look at me...drawing attention to herself. But just on the page it was a kind of internal and artistic logic that was amazing to see and the kind of images she was able to evoke were just please to both emotional and aesthetic sensibilities.

ZAK: Naomi Long Madgett's final collection of poetry was published very recently, in October of 2020. It's called, You Are My Joy and Pain. Here's Detroit artist and poet, Nichole Christian reading a poem from that collection. It's called Deep.

NICHOLE READING:

Toward the deep clear waters that you are

my dry roots yearn

To stir and probe past clay and sand to wells of being

is all my hope

To watch one withering leaf grow green

and turn to kiss the sun

ZAK: Naomi Long Madgett was 97 years-old. Rest in Poetry.

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Niccole Thurman is a Los Angeles-based Actress, Improviser and Writer. Most recently, you could catch her on Indebted (NBC), in the movie Desperados (Netflix). A Black Lady Sketch Show (HBO) and Shrill (Hulu).

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

NICCOLE: I'm Niccole Thurman. I'm an actress. I'm a writer. I do comedy. I'm a cool aunt. Those are my jobs.

ZAK: There's this mantra Nicolle has for herself. Don't get jealous. Just work harder.

NICCOLE: Cause, of course you're gonna get jealous and want to be competitive. It's human nature, especially I think there's some American thing like, I want to keep up with the Jones'. I want this. I want that. You're not satisfied with what you have in the moment. But once you start to realize that getting jealous is not gonna do anything except creative negativity and take the focus off what you need to be doing. Once you realize that that's not helping you, your brain starts to rewire itself, I feel like.

ZAK: How do you see or how have you noticed your work ethic evolve since you've internalized this?

NICCOLE: It just changes the way you think about work because instead of working to beat someone else, you're working against yourself or you're working more within yourself so you are more focused than you would be. And I think that once you start having that mantra repeating in your head, you start working differently. You start working more within yourself and for your own goals and not looking in the periphery. You're just looking forward to what you want to do. And it's inspired by a positive reason. It's not inspired by wanting to beat someone else down or take them down. It's inspired by just wanting to better yourself.

ZAK: So I just went on to IMDB and you have so many credits. It looks like you're working a lot. You're in shows that I've watched and are respected. Do you think there is a point at which you get where the jealousy receded entirely?

NICCOLE: I don't know. For me, I don't get super jealous but I definitely want something more. Which is, you know, I'm learning to work through that and not do that as much because it's not helpful at all. It's also about learning to be grateful for what you have. When you say, I look at this and see all these credits and to me I'm like, Oh yeah, but they're not THE credits I want! So getting past that. But I think it will always be there. I think that's what propels you to do more but it also can hinder your work.

ZAK: This is good. And I really like that Niccole isn't claiming that you can get rid of jealously. Of course you're can't but you can quiet it down.

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Celeste Headlee is an internationally recognized journalist and radio host, professional speaker and author of bestselling book We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter, Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving, Speaking of Race: Why Everyone Needs to Talk About Racism and How to Do It, and You’re Cute When You’re Mad: Simple Steps for Confronting Sexism. Her TEDx Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation, has been viewed over 34 million times. Close to 50,000 talks have been given at 10,000 events since the TED program launched in 2009, and Celeste’s talk is one of the 10 most-watched talks posted on TED’s homepage.

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Celeste's TED Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation 

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bestadvice.show (edited) 

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What lessons from childhood are you still trying to make sense of? Zak comes across a decades old photo that leads him to literally relive a middle school rite of passage. 

Other Men Need Help is executive produced, hosted, and written by Mark Pagán. 

This episode was produced by Zak Rosen, with production help from Caitlin Mae Burke and Shaneez Tyndall. Ben Goldberg, Caitlin Mae Burke, and Rebecca Seidel are lead producers. 

Navani Otero is producer. 

Shaneez Tyndall is associate producer. 

Rebecca Seidel is lead engineer. 

Ben Goldberg is lead editor. 

Our researchers are Bei Wang and Shaneez Tyndall. 

Tuck Woodstock is this season’s sensitivity listener. 

Original music by Fulton Street Music Group with additional music from Blue Dot Sessions. Episode illustration by Daniel de la Huerta. Become part of the team and support us on Patreon. 

Subscribe to our newsletter for monthly secrets and Instagram to look at pretty pics. For ALL your info go to othermenneedhelp.com.

01 Jun 2023 · 29 minutes

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Annie Sim is the CEO (Chief Eating Officer) of The Table Less Traveled.

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Dearest Listener, starting this week, I'm going to put the show out Monday, Wednesday and Friday instead of every weekday. Making TBAS is my favorite thing right now but I have other work responsibilities that require more of my attention. I hope you understand and I thank you so much for your on-going support. Love, z

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Adam Milgrom is an entrepreneur and dad living from Michigan.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: A few months back, I talked to the wise Gretchen Rubin about envy.

GRETCHEN RUBIN: One of the challenges of our lives is to know ourselves and you would think, it's so easy to know myself. I just hang out with myself all day long but it can be hard to be truthful with ourselves and really see what's in the mirror and so sometimes it's helpful to think about questions that get at the truth indirectly and I think an indirect question that's very helpful is whom do I envy?

ZAK: Today's advice comes on the heels of that episode. It's from one of my dearest pals in the world, Adam Milgrom.

ADAM: Try to think about the difference between jealously and envy. It's an easy thing that people mix up. Jealously is when you want the thing that the other person has and you specifically don't want them to have it. You want to have it instead of them. You want to take it away. Envy is just when you also want it. And when I think about this, nine times out ten what I feel is envy not jealousy. And that makes me feel a lot better about it and feel like I can do something about it. Because when I realize that it's not that I don't want that person to have it, I just also want that. It makes it more about me than about them and I'm not trying to take it away from them but I'm just understanding something that I want. And that feels not as dark and it feels like, oh, if that's something that I want, why do I want that? And should I do something about it? It also feels nice just understanding language. Yeah.

ZAK: I got a quick story about Adam. He and I were 16 years-old visiting his grandfather in Miami. We borrowed Adam's grandfather's car. I believe it was a sky blue Ford Taurus station-wagon and we were driving late at night. We didn't know where we were going. And at one point we had to gas up so we go the gas station. I'm driving the car at that point and as we're pulling out I scraped the side of the car against this cement barricade. Of course, I'm terrified. How am I gonna explain this to Adam's grandfather? How am I gonna pay for it? When we get back to Adam's grandpa's condo, Adam says he's the one who was driving and pays his grandpa back for the repairs right on the spot. This is one of the noblest things I've ever witnessed in my life. Adam, thank you for being such a good friend and thank you for this advice. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show and I would love to hear your advice. Give me a call at 844-935-BEST.

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Jordan Brown is an educator and creator living in Sacramento, California.

He makes music here - https://soundcloud.com/doinsomethin

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Stupid Taxing with Jordan Brown (a different Jordan Brown) - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020528_stupid-taxing-with-jb/

TRANSCRIPT:

JORDAN: What's up, Zak. My name is Jordan Brown. I'm an educator, traveler, creator. I live in Sacramento, California. My advice is, when listened to music always check the liner notes. Always read the liner notes. When you're listening to records or CDs, look on the back of them and see who played on the songs, right? There can be producers, musicians, engineers and even people in the studio at the time that have added to this album. Some liner notes go into detail about how the album was made and who was involved, right? And if you're listening to new, digital music. Spotify or Tidal or Apple or something like that, you can usually click around the song to find the credits of that song and you can see who the performer, the producer, or maybe the original writer or engineer were on that track. And then the best thing about this part is that gives you a whole new knowledge base of musicians to choose from. You know, I love to find the bass player on one album and then realize, like, that bass player has another album of their own or that keyboard player is part of a group. It's just dope, right? Um, and this advice has helped me become a better researcher. As a kid I would dig for records and look for different artists, and get curious about who was creating that album. I think that practice of digging in the crates, it helped me become a seeker of knowledge. And knowing that there's always something out there. There's always someone creating something or something like that. I don't know. It just kind of brought me to this wanting to learn more and I think that's why I love hip-hop. Cause it's always bringing knowledge into action. You think of the phrase, hip-hop. Hip is being knowledgeable and hop is using that action. So, check out the liner notes next time you listen to music.

ZAK: Why did I give all my CDs away? Jordan Brown also makes his own music. I put a link to his Soundcloud page in our show notes. He is the second Jordan Brown to contribute to The Best Advice Show. The other Jordan Brown gave some advice early in the show's run, it's called Stupid Taxing. I also put a link to that in our show notes. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show. And I would love for you to call the hotline like Jordan Brown did. The number is 844-935-BEST. What's your advice?

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Heather Radke is the author of  Butts: A Backstory. Part deep dive reportage, part personal journey, part cabinet of curiosities, Butts is an entertaining, illuminating, and thoughtful examination of why certain silhouettes come in and out of fashion—and how larger ideas about race, control, liberation, and power affect our most private feelings about ourselves and others.

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Teaka called me on the advice hotline at 844-934-BEST and so should you!!!!!!!!

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Tricia Huffman is a podcast host, speaker, Manager of Integrity to Grammy Award-winning artists, and founder of Your Joyologist. While living out her first dream as a touring sound engineer, she saw that everyone, includng the people we think “have it all,” often don’t feel fulfilled and fight doubts, worries, and compare them- selves to others daily. With her unique background and knowledge in self-care and wellness, she first created her Joyology to keep artists healthy, grounded, and inspired in body and mind while on tour. For over a decade she has been a called upon mental health and mindset expert spreading her mission to claim joy daily via her empowering social media posts, real talk podcast, coaching work, product line, Own Your Awesome daily inspiration app, book, and everything that she does.

She is based in Los Angeles, where she is raising her strong-willed, independent, creative daughters and F-ing the shoulds while claiming joy daily. Get here book, F the Shoulds. Do the Wants

Find her daily shares at @_triciahuffman and @yourjoyologist on social media.  

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Savitha Viswanathan is a designer, illustrator and founder of Mothertongue Foods.

Flavor-basing with Savitha Viswanathan

Gifting Meaningfully with Beth Nichols

Spontaneously Gifting with Valeriya

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Leah Carey is a Sex and Intimacy Coach and the host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex. She's frequently featured as a guest expert on podcasts and in print, including an appearance on the #1 rated sex and relationship advice show, The Savage Lovecast.

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Anne-Marie Bonneau writes the blog, The Zero-Waste Chef, and has a cookbook out also called The Zero-Waste Chef

This episode was edited by Ronia Cabansag

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Follow us on:

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Elijah Silver is a queer and trans/nonbinary artist. They create beautiful handmade ceramic Judaica for ritual use and every day life. Find out more here.

ACCESS CULT RECOVERY RESOURCES HERE

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Lauren Passell is founder of Tink Media. She is also the curator of Podcast The Newsletter and Podcast Marketing Magic. Her list of 100 Podcast Marketing tips was called “GOLD” by Glynn Washington, host of Snap Judgment. Lauren has spoken at Podcast Movement about podcast marketing and will be speaking at PodFest in Orlando and SXSW in Austin in 2022.

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Teri Turner is the founder of the popular blog No Crumbs Left.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: I have a perfect guest for Food Friday...Teri Turner.

TERI: I am the founder of No Crumbs Left which is a...you can find it on Instagram, Facebook, it's a blog, it's a cookbook, Pintrest, for tips, tricks, ideas that take food from ordinary to extraordinary.

ZAK: Teri's advice is about food is about food but it's also about love which to her, and to me, and probably to you, are one in the same.

TERI: Have your house be the one where the kids come to. You have beautiful food and it's sitting on the stove because you get to know who your kids are, see who their friends are and it is such a gift and it will bring your family together. And if you cook with your kids nobody can ever take that away from your kids. We are so bonded by food and our love for food that it's a wonderful thing.

ZAK: Do you think it was because you were making such good food that you were the magnet house?

TERI: I think it's like, you know, if you could love your kids in a way that is legendary. I came from real love. Such deep, over-arching, amazing love. Celebrate your kids and them be who they are. And that's just what we knew and my parents loved us not in a spoil us kind of way but just we really knew that we were loved and so for me, I was able to give that same kind of love to my kids. And part of that for me, what that looks like for me personally is creating beautiful food that we enjoyed together. But my feeling is if you didn't come from that kind of love and many people don't, you can create that in your own life. You don't have to say, 'Oh, she had that so she can do it.' No, be that life. Be the love you want to give.

ZAK: You're making me cry, Teri.

TERI: Oh, I love that. Thank you. We always on our podcast, we cry, on the No Crumbs Left Table Talk podcast we cry every-time.

ZAK: Obviously before you invite all the neighbored kids in for a big pot of chili and your famous, homemade cornbread, you know probably weight for the pandemic to end. But this advice in your back pocket until then. Imagine the meals that you're gonna make for your kids or your friends or your neighbors. That's what I've been doing. I can't wait to start hosting dinner parties again. Big sigh. You can hear Teri's podcast, as she mentioned, it's called No Crumbs Left Table Talks. You should follow her on Instagram. No Crumbs Left. Her stuff is beautiful. She's so loving. And this is a good time to thank my parents for cultivating the kind of house that my friend's wanted to be at. Also to my mother-in-law and father-in-law for doing the same. And to all you out there who have homes with open doors. Thank you so much. This is The Best Advice Show. What a year it's been. I hope this show has helped you through it. If it has consider leaving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. As always, I want to hear your advice. Give me a call on the hotline. 844-935-BEST. I'm running low on Food Friday episodes. Give me your food tips and tricks and hacks. I want to hear 'em. I'll talk to ya next week. Bye.

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Rich Feldman is a former auto worker and union official. He's a board member of the James and Grace Lee Boggs Center to Nurture Community Leadership.

End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream - https://www.press.uillinois.edu/books/catalog/63wfe4tq9780252061486.html

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

RICH: This is Rich Feldman. I spent 20 years on the assembly line at Ford Motor Company out in Wayne. About 10 years as an elected, local official and about ten years with the international staff of the United Auto Workers.

ZAK: Especially on the Labor Day, Rich says it's very easy to be nostalgic about the past. But this year is not like every other year.

RICH: Well this Labor Day, which is taking place with almost 200-thousand people killed by COVID and the Movement For Black Lives since George Floyd was killed...it's critical that we not think of just going through the motions or just cheering on unions. So while I always say that without a union, you have nothing. With the union I believe you have a chance to have some security and have your voice heard and be responsible for what your work place should be.

So my advice is, ask yourself what is the purpose of work and how do we become responsible workers and human beings? And returning to normal is not the way to do it...it's to create a new vision and a new purpose which is gonna take a lot, a lot of work and a lot of reflection.

ZAK: Well, how do you answer that question? What is the purpose of work?

RICH: So to me the purpose of work is for individuals to do what allows each of us to express our passions, to be responsible to our neighbors, to be responsible to our community and the planet. It's time for us to say, what are we producing as well as our rights and our contractual rights.

ZAK: Rich edited an oral history called End of the Line: Autoworkers and the American Dream. I put a link to it in our show notes. Thank you for listening to a special Labor Day episode of the Best Advice Show. I hope today is full or joy and fun and rest and contemplation.

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Alison Heeres is the chef and co-owner of Coriander Kitchen & Farm in Detroit.

To offer your own Food Friday advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

Repurposing Food w/Zoe

Spoon Feeding w/Zoe

Editing Your Fridge w/Zoe

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Beth Pickens is a Los Angeles-based consultant for artists and arts organizations and the author of Make Your Art No Matter What: Moving Beyond Creative Hurdles (Chronicle Books, 2021) and Your Art Will Save Your Life (Feminist Press, 2018). 

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Just saying the word...need, gives makes me hesitate a bit. Instead of coming out and telling someone, I need your help, I usually modify to, I could use your help. But, thanks to today's guest, Beth Pickens, I'm working on being more forthcoming with my needs.

BETH: I think we have to always tell people everything that we need because we all float around we're just little children masquerading as adults...just assuming that nobody needs anything and we're the only ones with needs and we have to get rid of those needs or diminish them. But we all need emotional support.

ZAK: What's a way that we can practice giving and asking for help?

BETH: I like to do everything starting with a quantity. Just quantifying it. A goal of, I'm gonna ask for three things this week that are directly related to my creative practice. And here's what those needs are gonna be and here are some appropriate people I think I could ask. And I'm just gonna practice on the asking. I have no control over the outcome. Then I'm gonna avail myself three times to people. Maybe I'm asked for something or maybe I offer something or I connect with another artist friend and say, this is the kind of help I need right now. What kind of help do you need right now? Let's help each other find it.

ZAK: And not necessarily a one-to-one where the help you're offering you're getting back from the same person?

BETH: Right. Cause maybe the things you ask for maybe you don't know how to give or you don't have that resource to give. Or maybe the person you're asking for something from, they have a different thing to reciprocate with. Cause we all have different things to offer. Some are universal but many are very different. And we always have to identify, who do we ask...How do we match the ask, the request to somebody's who's appropriate. Rather than I'm gonna try to ask this person for emotional support who I know cannot or will not give it. But if I try hard enough, I can prove that I won by going to the hardware store for a gallon milk. They don't have it to give. So we have to think about who are we going to for which things and one person cannot meet every need which is the fallacy of marriage and modernity.

ZAK: Totally. It's kind of like a creativity time-bank you're describing.

BETH: Yeah, very much so.

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Erin Bevel is a Co-Founder of the Detroit Black Farmer Land Fund and Board Member at Detroit Black Community Food Security Network

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So much of this show originates with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

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Chris Gethard is a comedian based out of the great state of New Jersey. He can be seen performing all over the world. He’s the host of the podcast Beautiful/Anonymous, the author most recently of the Lonely Dad Conversations, and the figurehead of a canceled television show that was actually more like a religious cult.

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How to Be Fine is half advice show, half cultural critique, and one wild ride through the world of wellness. Join podcast besties Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg as they dissect the inner workings of the betterment industry - and offer up some advice along the way. Their goal? To help get you a little closer to fine. 

In a prior episode of HTBF, Jolenta and Kristen talked with Dr. Jeremy Nobel, author of Project Unlonely, about how to enjoy time alone. In this episode, they try some of Dr. Nobel's tips on for size, while recording themselves. 

Subscribe to How to Be Fine wherever you listen to TBAS!

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Phoebe McIndoe is an artist and host of the podcast, Telling Stories.

Cheering up with Leora

Howling with Laura

To offer your own animal kingdom advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

PHOEBE: I think the advice that I'm really offering is to identify a few bird calls for yourself, get to know the sound a bit and then you more or less created your own treasure hunt going around your city because you can go out and try to identify the calls and find the birds. So I'll start the call off and a robin will fly down to the branch near me. Especially when it's at eye-level and you're looking in its eye and the robin is looking at you and you feel there is a connection there.

Dear, Zak. This is a poem. It's called Calling for Robins -

When the jobs ran awry - and the real money dried up

I wanted to let their liquid gold, spill through my ears 

When love went awry 

After change and tears 

I went to catch eyes with robins in the park 

To feel the old spark igniting in new ways 

They will just look at me as though I've communicated something in their language and they can't quite understand whether it's real or not. They listen to me and I have no idea what I'm saying to them. So sometimes I try and attach a feeling or an emotion. You are not sure whether it's understood you or not and I think that we always feel that whether it's an animal or a human being. We wonder if the connection is in our heads or whether they felt it too.

When words were too 

Difficult to pronounce the soft whistle still urged itself up

I offer myself to Robins, like the worm with the death-wish

Their call giving a shape and clarity to the day 

And in the pin-point of their eyes

I seem to find some understanding

Rooting me back to the earth. 

So, when everything begins to feel awry

I advise 

Calling for Robins. 

PHOEBE: So, let's carry on.

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Merrill Garbus' band is Tune-Yards. They rock.

So much of this show is going to originate with your hard-earned advice. To contribute please call me (Zak) at 844-935-BEST. Leave your name and your advice, followed by your email address in case I have any follow-up questions.

Regarding your advice. I’m not particularly interested in platitudes and truisms. I’m after specific, odd, uplifting, effective, real tips from you about how you make it through your days.

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Kelly Travis is a health and wellness coach and host of She Doesn't Settle.

TBAS # 38: Self-Talking with Steven Handel

ZAK: WARNING, today's episode contains use of the s-word. 8 times. Kelly Travis is a health, wellness and leadership coach and she's been doing some work. Not just with her clients but on her self.

KELLY: I never had a positive thing to say about myself. It derailed me a lot and what resulted was I never really used my own voice. I never went after goals I actually wanted. I would freeze up in taking action on things that were really important. My self-worth was really shitty. Like I just wasn't good enough. And this work has allowed me to see myself differently.

ZAK: One of the things thats helped Kelly move forward is this thing that she does. When she finds her self talking shit to herself, she's figured out a way to talk back to that shit-talker. It's a simple question she asks herself, is this thought useful.

KELLY: Because the shit-talker is loud. The other voice in our head that's encouraging and is a cheerleader and tells us to keep going is very quiet. The shit-talker is loud and that's the one we head all the time cause it's on auto-pilot. It's the same stuff everyday. Research shows us 85 percent of our thoughts are the same from the day before. And that question, is this though useful...doesn't matter if it's true...IS IT USEFUL and being able to choose something else that will keep us going in a positive direction. Right? So if I say to myself, I'm such a shitty mom. I can't do this. I suck at this. Is that thought useful? No. What can I think instead. I'm doing the best I can right now. It's messy. It's chaotic but I'm doing the best I can.

ZAK:And so it's like, we're going through our day. We hear the negative shit-talking come in and we stop ourselves and say, is this thought helpful?

KELLY: Yeah. And that's the part that requires the work. Reminding ourselves to check in because as a society we are just on auto-pilot. We don't pay attention to what we're thinking most of the time. So, having a post-it note up on your computer that says, ask the question or setting a reminder on your phone to ask yourself the question so it becomes something you start to do automatically without thinking after time.

ZAK:And we answer the question. Is this helpful? No, it's not helpful. And then what?

KELLY: You think of a neutral thought. I don't believe in bullshit positive affirmations. The brain just doesn't work that way. It never worked for me. Now, if you have people that like them and they work, awesome, but it's hard for the brain to go from you suck to oh my god you're amazing! It doesn't work that way so we want to go somewhere in the middle. A thought that we can latch on to that we can still believe but is more helpful, right? So, whatever that is whether it's like the example I gave you which is I'm doing the best I can. Or, you know, something along those lines that keeps us moving in a positive direction.

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Brian is a husband, father and hugger from the Midwest.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

ZAK: Brian is from the Midwest. He works in insurance. His daughter is grown now, but when she was a little kid.

BRIAN: I noticed a funny thing. She was a pretty easy kid to raise but if she was ever upset or crying or cranky, hungry, tired...if you sat down on her level and just pulled her in for a little bit and if you'd feel her take a deep breath and she would just let go. And I thought, that's funny...Not yelling at her, not telling her to do anything. Just grab her and hold her a minute. When I would come home from work and I'd be exhausted somedays, getting home late and she'd run to the front-door and she'd hug me and I said that's a fake hug. That's a movie hug. Give me one of your real hugs and she would squeeze me as hard as she could and I would say, I can't breathe! And her response always was, try.

BRIAN: But then I recently was reading about hugs and when you hug 20-seconds or more there's actually a hormone, oxytocin. It makes you let go. It lets rest. It lets you relax. And during this pandemic, I was always a person that was gone and traveled and I've been home a lot and I have a little of this feeling. And I saw my wife getting a little bit more anxiety too and we would occasionally, just, I'd pass her in the kitchen in between calls and I'd realize, hey, that's big hug opportunity. And I'd just reach out and grab her and at first she'd be surprised but she'd hug and then she'd try to walk away and I'd say, no, it's gotta be 20-seconds. That's when you really get the full effect.

ZAK: Yeah. Do you have a name for these long hugs?

BRIAN: I call them a drive-by hug. Because I almost pass her and then I turn around and say, whoa, I missed a chance for a hug there.

ZAK: That's so sweet. Do you count to 20?

BRIAN: I actually don't count but I do it by breaths. Cause I try to take deep breaths when I do it too.

ZAK: Do you think it works on yourself if you do a self-hug? I'm thinking about folks who don't live with other people.

BRIAN: You know, I think it does.

ZAK: Can we try a 20-second self-hug?

BRIAN: Yeah, let's do it.

ZAK: I'll follow your breaths here.

ZAK: Listener feel free to breathe and hug along with us at home.

Extended Breaths.....

ZAK: I feel better. What's not to like about that? I want to thank Brian for sharing this concept of the 20-second drive-by hug with me. I've been practicing at home. You've been listening to The Best Advice Show and I want to hear your advice. How are you getting by? Lemme know on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. That's 844-935-BEST. And here's an idea. I know we can hug anyone outside of our pod right now, but maybe sending them this episode would be a nice consolation. Thanks. Talk to you soon.

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Susannah Goodman (detroit_fertile_earth) is an artist and potter and community organizer in Detroit.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

SUSANNAH: Yeah, so this piece of advice is really simply stated that the more you look, the more you'll find and it's just related to the way you can walk through the world. I firmly believe that, um, wonder and awe is a muscle that you have to exercise and the more you use it the more it becomes accessible to you. So I use it when I'm feeling stressed. Before pandemic times if I was like on my way into a meeting or something and I was worried about what was gonna happen, sometimes I would just sit in my car and look at, I don't know, grass on the berm on the side of the parking lot and just watch the way the wind blows across it or how fertile just little bits of sod are in all the places in our urban landscape. If you just sit and observe the more patience you have with yourself in the process, the more it will become available to you for appreciation cause I think when I'm the most stressed is when I'm like not observing the world around me.

ZAK: When you're in your head?

SUSANNAH: Yeah.

ZAK: Huh. Yeah. Well we're outside right now in our friend's backyard. Normally I imagine this would be like an internal monologue of you, uh, you know, noticing but can you do it externally and help me understand how you would do it?

SUSANNAH: I think the best thing about being outside for me recently has been just watching the way trees move across the sky when the wind is blowing cause it's this great reminder that we're sitting at the bottom of this giant air ocean and looking up from the ocean floor at these massive, amazing bits of tree seaweed or something, hahaha. I'm Susannah. I'm an artist and potter and community organizer in Detroit.

ZAK: I want to hear about the ways you deal with your stress and anxiety. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if you can think of somethine that might benefit from Susannah's advice consider sending them this episode. You can do that by going to Best Advice dot show. Thanks. Talk to you soon.

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Diego Perez is the writer behind the pen name Yung Pueblo. His new book is Clarity and Connection.

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

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Gretchen Rubin is the author of The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies & Outer Order, Inner Calm. Her podcast is Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

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Doing Without Delay with Gretchen Rubin - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/202083_doing-without-delay-with-gretchen-rubin/

Living the Bigger Life with Gretchen Rubin - https://bestadvice.show/episodes/2020928_living-the-bigger-life-with-gretchen-rubin/

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To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Before Gretchen Rubin was a best-selling author on the subject of happiness and habits and human nature, she was a lawyer. And not just any lawyer. She graduated from Yale Law School and went on to clerk for supreme court justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

GRETCHEN: And what I realized about the Supreme Court is I was surrounded by people who loved law. They were reading law journals for fun. They wanted to talk about cases at happy hour, during lunch hour, you know, any chance they got they just loved it and I thought I want to do an excellent for Justice O'Connor, I want to do the best job I possible can but I don't want to spend one extra minute on this than I have to and I thought, in the end I can't keep up with these people who honestly love it.

ZAK: And that leads to her advice for today.

GRETCHEN: One of the challenges of our lives is to know ourselves and you would think, it's so easy to know myself. I just hang out with myself all day long but it can be hard to be truthful with ourselves and really see what's in the mirror and so sometimes it's helpful to think about questions that get at the truth indirectly and I think an indirect question that's very helpful is whom do I envy? Envy is a very unpleasant emotion. We often don't want to admit to ourselves or to other people that we do feel envy but it's a very helpful emotion because what it's show us is that somebody has something that we wish we had for ourselves and that's a very, very useful thing to know. And in my case I remember reading...you know how you get those alumni magazines from your college? And I was reading about all the different people in my class and I noticed some people had really interesting law jobs and I was like, uhhhh, that sounds great. And then some people had really interesting writing jobs and I was sick with envy. And I thought, well, I should learn something from that because those are the people that I envy. They're the ones that have something that I wish that I had myself.

ZAK: So next time you're banging your head against the wall, thinking to yourself, what do I actually want to do in this life? Maybe a better question or a more helpful question in that moment, is whom do I envy? So good. Thank you, Gretchen Rubin.

ZAK: This is the third episode Gretchen has been on. The first two I got great feedback about. You should check them out. I put the links in our show notes. But here's an excerpt from Gretchen's episode called Doing Without Delay.

GRETCHEN: Anything you can do in less than a minute, do without delay. If you can hang up your coat instead of throwinG it over the chair. If you can put a document back in the folder. If you can put a dish in the dishwasher, go ahead and do without delay and what this does is it gets rid of this scum of clutter on the surface of everyday life. And for most people outer order does contribute to inner calm and this is a way that you can create more outer order without spending a lot of time or energy dealing with it. You just do it as you go.

ZAK: If you have some advice, I would love to hear it. Give me a call on the hotline at 844-935-BEST. And if you want more Gretchen Rubin you should check out her podcast. It's called Happier. She hosts it with her sister, Liz Craft. It's so good.

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Teri Turner the founder of No Crumbs Left, regular contributor to Whole30 and editor @thefeedfeed.

Give me your food advice by calling the hotline @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Cook and food blogger extraordinaire, Teri Turner, is back this week for another episode of Food Friday. And she's here today to talk about how we can transform everyday meals into celebrations, if we want. And one way to do that is to use cloth napkins.

TERI: And I mean you can get them at the second hand store. You can go to World Market, you know. I'm not suggesting it's a silk napkin. But, if you use cloth napkins everyday and I did my entire kid's lives, it simply makes a moment of celebration at the dinner table. It just makes you feel special. So whether I'm taking lunch to go or I'm eating here, I always have cloth napkins. It simply makes food taste better.

ZAK: And not to mention of course, the environmental impact that you're having.

TERI: I love that. The other thing my dad taught us is that when you have beautiful things - when I got married you get beautiful china and silver and all that - so if you have beautiful things, whether they're your grandmothers, wherever you got them from...use them. Don't wait and put them in the cupboard for a day in the future so you don't break it. If you have beautiful things take them out, enjoy them, make a beautiful meal. Celebrate that moment. It's better to break something than to stick it away in the cupboard and never use it.

ZAK: Teri Turner is the force behind No Crumbs Left: Inspiration for Everyday Food Made Marvelous. She's got books, a blog, a beautiful Instagram feed. She's a fun follow. This has been yet another episode of Food Friday and guess what, I'm running very low on Food Friday advice. That's why I want you to call the hotline at 844-935-BEST. Give me your food advice. Thank you.

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Al is a professor and created the Single Folks Food Tumblr.

https://singlefolksfood.tumblr.com/

To offer your own advice, call Zak @ 844-935-BEST

TRANSCRIPT:

ZAK: Every Friday on the show, we do something Food-related. But it's still relationship week so today I'm gonna combine the two with Al.

ZAK: You ever eat off the spatula?

AL: Oh yeah! Laughter

ZAK: Awhile ago, Al was going through a break-up

AL: And I had been living with that person for 2 years and we did all of our chores together. We did the cooking, the laundry, the everything and so now the basic facts of my life...the subsistence chores behaviors all became twice as long as they had been.

ZAK: Right. So, what did you do?

AL: What I did is I started playing a game with myself where I would just see how few dishes I could use to make a meal and keep a tally for myself. I mean it's not a revolutionary idea but one thing that I just did is I warmed some tortillas on the stove without anything and cut up an avocado and sliced the avocado in the avocado shell and put the salt in the avocado shell and then just sort of squeezed the avocado out from the skin on to the warmed up tortillas. So I did use a plate for the tortillas but I think, in theory, I could have just squeezed it directly into the tortilla in my hand.

ZAK: Right. So no pots and plates and one plate at most. So that's a win.

AL: That's a win. Yeah.

ZAK: So you're like, game-ifying this process that at first was just depressing and overwhelming?

AL: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's trying to infuse a situation that just felt like resentment and exhaustion and disappointment and turn it into something exciting...that I can be excited to do.

ZAK: And the objective is, don't use too many dishes and what else?

AL: Feed myself. Laughter. At some point, not to make light of, at some point it just became very difficult to feed myself and I think part of it is can I just feel a little but excited about taking care of own body and also make it as easy on myself as possible. So, little clean-up, low clean-up.

ZAK: If you are in Al's boat and are having a hard time motivating yourself to cook, you should check-out their Tumblr. It's called SingleFolksFood.Tumblr.Com, One-Dish Easy Prep Meals for Vaguely Conscious People with No One to impress. I

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jackie sumell's work has been exhibited extensively throughout the U.S. and Europe, including at the American Visionary Art Museum, Baltimore; Brooklyn Library Main Branch; The Royal College of Art, London; Artist's Space, New York; Akademie Schloss-Solitude, Stuttgart, Germany; St. Etienne Biennial, France; Alternator Gallery, British Columbia; Prospect 1, New Orleans, and ZKM, Germany. Her residencies and awards include the Blade of Grass-David Rockefeller Fund Joint Fellow in Criminal Justice; the Robert Rauschenberg Artist-As-Activist Fellowship; Eyebeam Project Fellowship, and the Akademie Solitude Fellowship (2018). An ardent public speaker and prison abolitionist, sumell has lectured in colleges and universities around the U.S.

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The Angola 3

Solitary Gardens

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Mo is a pediatrician and Medical Director of Henry Ford Health System's School-Based and Community Health Program. 

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Louise Belensz called the advice hotline @ 844-935-BEST. You can too!

LOUISE: Hi Zak. My name is Louise Belensz. I live in North River, New York. And my advice is whenever you're going to cook something that you're going to put lemon on, like fish or grilled zucchini or eggplant, um, grill or cook or roast the lemon along with that food and then squeeze it on the food and it's so much better and you get so much more juice and it's way sweeter, so, that's my advice for one of your Food Fridays.

ZAK: Yes, yes, yes...the power of lemons. They make so many things better. Thank you Louise and thank you lemons. You've been listening to Food Friday I would love to hear your food related advice. You can let me know what that is at 844-935-BEST. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon.

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Natalie picks up trash near her home in Toronto, Canada.

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Cleaning up with Judy Jelly

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