The ADHD Smarter Parenting‘s Podcast (ADHDSmarterParenting)

Let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions and create success. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Have you ever expected your kid to behave a certain way and then got frustrated when they didn’t?

We have.

Just because you know what to do at a restaurant or greet someone, doesn’t mean that they do. Kids act up because they don’t know how to act. If you want them to behave a certain way, they need to be shown how, and they need to practice.

It’s why Role-playing is so helpful for children. Role-playing allows them to know what is expected and helps them practice until they feel comfortable doing it. Feeling prepared will increase their confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration.

We can teach behavior skills on Smarter Parenting, but without Role-playing, they won’t be successful.

In part one of our podcast on Role-playing, Parenting Coaching Siope Kinkini helps parents understand three benefits children will gain when using role-playing.

The first benefit is that they will gain an understanding of social situations and how to respond. They will know the difference in interacting with friends versus interacting with a teacher.

Second, they will learn what vocabulary to use in different situations. The words we use will be different when talking to our friends’ verses when we speak to a teacher or a boss.

Lastly, it will teach them empathy and understanding. When a child can see things from the other person’s point of view, they are more likely to create solutions that benefit both sides.

Role-playing is so powerful. We can’t wait for your family to use it and harness its power.

In the Smarter Parenting Club we walk you through making Role-plays successful. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Dealing with angry outbursts or tantrums can be frustrating and exhausting. 

 

The skill of Correcting Behaviors helps parents respond to negative behavior in a way that keeps the problem from escalating.

 

Correcting Behaviors gives parents the steps they need to help their child understand what is happening and gives them a way to channel their anger or frustration.

 

Children have outbursts or tantrums because they are feeling large emotions and don’t know how to process them. Common emotions that lead to outbursts include being frustrated, worried, scared, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. 

 

An angry outburst or a tantrum is your child’s way of letting you know they need help to deal with their emotions. Instead of making the problem worse, using Correcting Behaviors gives a child an off-ramp for their behaviors and emotions.

The steps of Correcting Behavior are:

 

Get your child's attention 

Express empathy

Describe the negative behavior

Deliver a consequence for that behavior

Describe what you want instead

Give a meaningful reason why they should do the new behavior

Role-play the new behavior until the child is comfortable

In this episode we walk through how to teach these steps to families. When making behavior changes most parents think that they’ll find the most success by focusing on changing their child. In reality, the greatest change happens when the parent first makes changes. By changing one part of the system (how a parent responds) the entire system changes.

 

Learning behavior skills isn’t a quick fix, but it is a lasting fix.

 

To learn the skill of Correcting Behaviors, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/correcting-behaviors/

 

For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

This episode is one you don't want to miss!

With kids returning to school, we could all use a little help in establishing, or reestablishing, routines that work for our family.

In today's podcast, Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen shares practical tips families can use to reduce stress and frustration regarding back-to-school routines, including opening up the lines of communication better and teaching them responsibility through family meetings.

Kids thrive on routines. They feel safe when they know what they should do—having patterns that work builds trust and strengthens relationships.

When establishing routines, it's vital to look at both the needs of the family and what is realistic. The worst thing you can do is to develop practices that create more issues and problems. 

Establishing routines should be a collaboration between you and your child. When children have a say in routines, they are more likely to follow expectations. Having them create routines is a great way to help them learn critical thinking skills and responsibility.

Regularly evaluate routines to determine if they are working. Don't be afraid to make adjustments if practices aren't working. 

 

So many parents want to skip straight to "what do I do when my child acts out??". What you do BEFORE and AFTER the problem behavior really matters which is why we teach the skill Correcting Behaviors. While this is the content that most parents are wanting to jump straight into we want to remind you that this is only a small part of creating change. If you are struggling with a problem behavior it won't change from correction, the change is going to come from Effective Praise, Preventive Teaching, Effective Communication, and the many other skills that we teach. Correcting Behaviors is simply to maintain a boundary that has already been set, so its important but its not the most important part of the journey.

The Teaching-Family Model is all about changing child behavior by creating healthy relationships that encourage teaching and growth.

What is the Teaching-Family Model? The Teaching-Family Model is an evidence-based model to create change. The Teaching-Family Model started in the 1950s by researchers at Kanas State who set out to see what successful parents did and if that could be replicated. What they discovered is that parenting and behavior skills could be taught and be effective. The Teaching-Family Model is used by agencies around the world in group homes, foster care, in-home services, schools, and various other agencies that work with families and children.

The Teaching-Family Model focuses on what it takes to build strong relationships as they found that when relationships are healthy, correction and change are possible. All behavior skills found in the Teaching-Family Model and on SmarterParenting.com, all include an element of relationship-building--even the ones geared toward correcting negative behaviors.

The ultimate goal of all behavior skills is to build strong relationships while changing behavior! The Teaching-Family Model has changed so many families and can change yours if you’re willing to put the time and effort in!

You are not alone! SmarterParenting is here to help you deal with the challenges your family faces. Sign-up for a free 15-minute mini-coaching session today where we can talk specifically about what your family needs and what behavior skills will help you! 

To learn more about the agencies worldwide that are using the Teaching-Family Model visit: https://www.teaching-family.org/

For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com

https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

As parents, we can be terrible about practicing self-care. Practicing self-care is vital in helping us be our best.

When we don't practice self-care, we give less than our best to our family. Self-care allows us to recharge and refocus, enabling us to tackle everything we are required to do better.

It can feel like we have no time for self-care or that practicing self-care is selfish. It is not. It is so important!

Yes, practicing self-care may require sacrifices and simplification. Still, the benefits for you and your family will be well worth it as it sends a message to your child that they need to establish healthy boundaries and know their limits.

You wouldn't want your child continually running on empty. You shouldn't either.

When added stresses are added to already busy schedules during the holidays, it can be even more challenging to find the time for self-care. Instead of forgoing self-care, put it on the calendar! Use the SODAS Method to help you determine activities and times that will work for your schedule. Activities for self-care could include a walk, eating a treat, checking social media, talking to a friend, watching a TV show, reading, yoga, journaling, etc.  The possibilities are endless. Just find something that works for you and gives you the recharge you need.

Putting it in the calendar does a couple of things. First, it makes it easier to take the time to recharge. Second, it shows everybody the importance of time for yourself. Sometimes it can be easy for our kids to think of us as the energizer bunny with unlimited ability to give and give. Which we all know isn't true. 

We hope you'll make self-care an important part of your parenting routine!

As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same, however, as no two children or situations are.

 

Individualizing rewards and consequences improves their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in what they value. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence, where another might see that as a reward. 

 

If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.

 

The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed. 

 

When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make wise decisions.

 

Giving rewards and consequences that are different can be a struggle. By following the five components of Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences, you are better able to find individualized solutions that work for your child.

 

You can learn more about Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences at Smarter Parenting.

Increasing our teaching interactions means that we are both teaching new behavior skills and reinforcing those skills that have already been taught. 

If we only teach behavior skills but don’t show our kids how to use those skills in their everyday situations, they won’t be effective. They need to learn how to apply what they have learned when they are upset, frustrated, or happy.

Teaching opportunities apply to every member of the family. While we may be teaching a specific behavior to one child, we should be helping all members of the family deal/cope/or help with that behavior skill. We may be teaching one child to reduce negative behaviors while preparing the rest of the family to use Effective Communication to describe how those negative behaviors make them feel. 

The more parents can involve all members of the family in teaching and using skills; the more successful your child will be.

For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com

https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

Let ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini help you be the parent you want to be. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching isn’t just for kids; they are FAMILY skills.

In part two of our Preventive Teaching journey with Dawn, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini teaches how behavior skills are just as powerful when parents apply them to themselves. That’s the strength of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The behavior skills can be applied to kids; the behavior skills can be applied to adults. It doesn’t matter. They will work.

The goal of Preventive Teaching is to help prepare us for situations that may arise. If we do the prep work before we cook, or paint, or pack for a vacation, the actual cooking, painting, and packing are easier.

In Dawn’s case, Preventive Teaching helped her deal with a self-soothing behavior from her son that annoyed her and lead to decreased patience and increased frustration.

Because the self-soothing behavior wasn’t going to go away, Dawn needed ways to prevent her reaction to it. She didn’t want to be this parent who was frustrated and upset every time the behavior happened. With guidance from Siope Kinikini, she implemented strategies that allowed her to remain focused and calm when the behavior was happening.

Implementing Preventive Teaching helped her be a better parent. It helped her be the parent she wanted to be.

Admitting that we need help because our children’s behaviors are beyond our abilities doesn’t mean that we are a bad parent or that we don’t love them. Understanding that you need help is a sign of just how much you do love your children. When we are in the thick of a parenting struggle, it can be hard to see solutions or improvements. We need someone else to offer us guidance and reassurance. That’s what a Parenting Coach does. From their unique position outside of the problem, they can guide you. They help you see what needs to change and gives you to behavior skills you to make the change happen. They will encourage you when it gets tough or overwhelming. They are your ally in parenting. They want you and your family to improve!

Parenting Coaching helps parents set goals for their specific needs and situations. It is very individualized and customized to your family.

It can be scary to admit that you need help, and we applaud parents who do. These coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster. They will remove the trial and error that can be frustrating and exhausting. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

How do you communicate with a child who doesn’t want to talk? In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers what parents can do when experiencing tension in communication.

When our children are having difficulty communicating, it’s our job to help them learn how to do it. Often that requires us to reframe our thoughts on what is happening. It can be easy to take their lack of communication as a personal slight, do not. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Children can be resistant to communication because they don’t know how or don’t feel comfortable giving their opinions because they’re afraid of how someone will respond.

Creating a space when they can communicate will be difficult for many parents as they will want to feel that space with their thoughts instead of allowing their children to express themselves. But the best thing you can do is to create this space as it will allow your child to open up and truly express themselves. This podcast will show you the steps you need to take to make this happen as it won't always be easy or natural.

Your child can learn to communicate and do it well. For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club https://club.smarterparenting.com/

When negative behaviors happen, parents have a choice. They can teach to the behavior, or they can react.

When a parent reacts, they are swayed by the child and their emotions. Parents get pulled into their child’s tantrum or bad behavior. As the child continually increases their negative behavior, parents have to increase their response, escalating the situation.

When a parent teaches to negative behavior, they are the ones to guide the child. You can remain consistent and not be drawn into your child’s tantrum. Instead of escalating the situation, you can help them deescalate the situation.

Teaching, instead of reacting, requires a parent to be aware of their limits and knowing at what point they will step in to deescalate the situation. The lower your tolerance for behaviors is, the better off your child will be as it’s easier to step in and make correcting when the behavior is small versus stepping in when the behavior is massive.

The behavior skill of Smarter Parenting and the Teaching-Family Model allow you to teach to any situation as they give you the steps--and the words--parents need to reduce behaviors, so they can teach. You can find more about the behavior skills of Smarter Parenting by listening to podcasts 46-57 or by visiting the Smarter Parenting website.

Having behavior tools at your disposal is comforting as it allows you to remain in control.

If you’re having difficulty understanding what behavior skill to use in what situation, join the Smarter Parenting Club. We will be able to help you apply the skills to your specific situation and come up with solutions that will help your child. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For more show notes and transcript, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive. 

No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.

If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?

When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the following things: (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-resolution-strategies/)

1. Recognize we all have biases
2. Overcome the "us vs. them" mindset
3. Look beneath the surface to identify deeper issues
4. Separate pseudo-sacred from sacred issues

When parents use these strategies, they can find solutions that work for both parties. Using these strategies in conjunction with Effecting Communication and Decision Making (SODAS Method) helps parents do just that. 

Effective Communication allows you to feel heard and understood, while Decision Making helps you find solutions that work for both parties.

You can find the skills on the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/

If you need specific help finding solutions for getting on the same page, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

When you have a child with ADHD it can be so challenging to manage impulsive behaviors. In this episode we talk about how to use the skill Correcting Behaviors  to help guide you through what to do when your child is struggling with a boundary you've set.  

If you want a better relationship with your child, learn how to give Effective Praise.

 

Effective Praise isn't complicated, but it will change how you see your child and how your child sees you.

 

Effective Praise helps you see--and recognize--what your child is doing well. Noticing what our child is doing well can be challenging for most parents, especially in the everyday hustle and bustle.

 

Because we have so much on our plates as parents, it's easy to focus on what our child needs to do differently so that life is more manageable, whether that's doing their chores or not talking back, or a million other things.

 

Most parents fail to understand that the most significant change comes when focusing on the positives and not the negative. When we focus on positives, our child feels noticed and understood, which means they are more likely to repeat that behavior.

 

Parents who use Effective Praise consistently have found the relationships with their child improving--even relationships that were difficult previously.

 

You can change your relationships with your child, and Effective Praise is how you do it.

 

The steps to Effective Praise are:

 

Show your approval or find a positive.

Describe the positive behavior. Be specific.

Give a meaningful reason to repeat the behavior.

Give a reward (option)

You can learn more about Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com

Most of us communicate to be heard, not necessarily to be understood. 

Think about that for a second. Think about how much time and frustration we could reduce if we changed HOW we communicated. We would no longer spend as much time arguing or fighting, and we would see our relationships improve and our kids--and others--would like being around us. 

What parent wouldn’t want that?

It’s not easy to change how we communicate. The behavior skill of Effective Communication gives parents the steps they need to communicate in a way that allows for comprehension. 

This is so so important. When someone feels genuinely listened to and heard, they are more likely to open up about issues, come to you for advice, and seek solutions.

Comprehension doesn’t mean that your child will always agree with what is being said, but they will understand why something is in place.

When everybody feels heard and understood, incredible things happen.

Learn the skill: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club and  let Siope Kinikini help you improve your communication. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

In this special episode, Siope Kinikini discusses how parents can help their children navigate what is happening in the world.

Giving your kids the tools they need to handle what they are hearing, seeing, and experiencing is vital. When kids have tools, they can thrive and make a difference, despite what is happening around them. These tools will be one of the most important things you can do as a parent.

Children will have a lot of feelings about what is going on and the skill of Effective Communication allows them to process and express those feelings in a healthy way. Siope Kinikini gives you three essential things to do that will make this communication effective and powerful.

Take a listen. And then listen again and again and involve your kids. 

For full show notes and more information about Effective Communication, visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

It’s never been easier to get parenting help from the comfort of your own home. Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

When dealing with frustrating situations where our kids misbehave, it can be easy to become emotionally engaged and default to yelling, annoyance, or anger. When we respond that way, it only makes the situation worse and often creates additional problems.

Wouldn’t you like something that would keep you from becoming engaged in that way? What if we told you a simple skill could help? 

The skill of Observe and Describe is something that you can do today. Instead of engaging in your child’s negative behavior, you observe what is happening and calmly state what you see without judgment. For example, if your child is rolling their eyes and making faces at you, you would say, “You are rolling your eyes and making faces at me.” When you state just the facts, it allows your child to understand what they are doing. It also keeps you from getting emotional.

Remaining calm allows you to lead the dance instead of reacting to the situation. How powerful is that? Powerful. By changing how we respond to situations, we change the outcome and improve our relationships. 

We teach our kids that there is a better way to respond that doesn’t have to be driven by emotions.

Observe and Describe can be used on everybody we have interactions with. 

You can find the skill on the Smarter Parenting website. https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

It’s essential for kids to learn Accepting No Answers as life is more comfortable when they can do so. Getting “No” answers is a part of life as “Nos” can come from a boss, teacher, family member, friend, or parent. 

Saying no to kids is an integral part of establishing boundaries with kids as “no” answers help keep them from danger and teaches them self-mastery. 

Parents saying no can be pretty frustrating for kids, especially if they feel that they hear “No” a lot. It’s why we recommend doing two things. First, is telling kids yes as often as possible. Don’t use “No” for something that you could say yes to. Sometimes we say “No” because it’s easier, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s right. 

The second recommendation is to Role-play situations you know will be difficult for your child to Accept No Answers until they are comfortable with receiving a “no” answer. For some children, it may require them to practice Accepting No ten, twenty, or thirty times. That is okay. Sometimes hard things need extra time. Eventually, your child will get to a point where they can accept the no answer without throwing a tantrum, whining, or complaining.

There are only two steps to Accepting No. Step one: Show respect by acknowledging each other. Step two: The child says, “Okay,” and calmly accepts the “No” answer. That’s it. The power of this behavior skills lies in Role-playing situations that are difficult for your child.

This skill works on children of all ages. Many parents will find that this skill may be easier to teach to teenagers than to younger children, with teenagers being able to grasp the power of the skill with little effort.

The purpose of Accepting No answers is not to create children who can’t think for themselves. Instead, it’s to help them learn self-mastery, especially when dealing with disappointment. 

There may be times when a child may not like the “No” answer they receive. Using the skill of Disagreeing Appropriately, they can state their feelings on the matter after they Accept No calmly. 

The behavior skill of Accepting No Answers is coming to Smarter Parenting in 2021. Stay tuned!

For more information about the behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com

https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

You can become a parenting master who knows how to help your child best. It just takes a little practice.

We hear from parents constantly that Role-playing, aka the practicing, is the hardest part of learning a new skill. 

The practicing is where the magic happens. Practicing allows your child to create muscle memory and be confident in what they need to do. Practicing is where you will see how well your child understands what is taught.

When we are little, it's common for us to practice new things. We practice them in school. We practice them at home. As we grow, though, we practice less, which can make Role-playing a new skill awkward or uncomfortable.

Practicing doesn't have to be scary. Practicing should be fun! 

There are many ways to practice something new, including using games or activities. We encourage parents to be creative when practicing with their children. Some methods will work better depending on your child. 

We've turned picking up clothes into a game. We've used reverse Role-plays where we've become the kid, and the kid has become the adult. We've used props and puppets. We've also done Role-plays where we didn't use anything special.

As you practice with your child, your child will become comfortable practicing and will be more inclined to practice new things in the future.

We know you want your child to be successful. Adapting a practice to your child's needs is what parenting masters do, as it focuses on helping your child find success.

You can learn more about practicing at https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/

Role-playing can make parents nervous. In this episode, we talk about ways you already see Role-plays at work and how easy it can be to use them. It's amazing to see some of the immediate changes that can happen after a parent Role-plays an expectation. Think about it, would you bring your child to the soccer playoffs without ever practicing? No way. So why do we expect them to behave in certain ways without any practice?

Rewiring the brain through Role-playing may seem like science fiction, but it's not. Learning rewires the brain. Kids can learn new things if a parent will be consistent and deliberate in their teaching and use of Role-plays. 

 

Role-playing, or practicing, helps a child work at a behavior until it becomes second nature. Parents can Role-play almost anything, including behavior you want changed or preparing for future events. 

 

When a child practices a behavior, it helps strengthen the connections in their brain—the stronger a connection, the higher their ability to perform the behavior without effort. 

 

Parents always want to know how to rewire the brain. There are six things we recommend:

 

First, Role-play with your child at a neutral time. The goal of Role-playing is to help strengthen the connections in your child's brain. It's harder to strengthen those connections when your child is distracted. Practicing at a neutral time allows your child to focus on the new behavior.

 

Second, start small. Role-playing can be challenging for a child. Starting with something little that they can find success with gives them confidence that they can do Role-plays. 

 

Third, take breaks. Role-playing for success means practicing behavior multiple times. Practice. Take a break. Practice. Take a break. By practicing and taking a break, it allows you to see if your child has incorporated what you’re practicing or if they're still struggling with it.  

 

Fourth, help your child visualize the Role-play. Visualization is a powerful tool for children as it helps them make sense of the world around them and makes those connections more firm.

 

Fifth, integrate their senses. The more senses you're able to incorporate, the more they're able to remember it. 

 

Sixth, reverse Role-play. In reverse Role-plays, a parent Role-plays the behavior they want. This allows a child to see exactly what action you expect.

 

Role-plays are powerful in rewiring your child's brain and helping them find success.

Siope discusses the new challenge for parents that previous generations of parents have not had to deal with, namely, electronic devices. More and more children are acting out when asked to stop using electronic devices. What can parents do to help their children navigate their use of devices and the need for a positive environment in the home? Using the skill of Decision Making, parents and children can learn how to set up productive ways to work through the challenges of children using electronic devices. 

The first in a series of podcasts on Love Languages and the Parenting skills from Smarter Parenting to improve the connection you have with your children.  

There are so many skills that contribute to managing your child's behavior. One that often stumps parents is what to do the moment your child acts poorly. The skill of Correcting Behaviors is built to support that. You can access free tools and resources to help you use this skill our website www.smarterparenting.com

Teaching kids to make better decisions is possible and can be taught. 

 

Often kids make decisions based on emotions, which doesn’t always lead to the best choices. When they make decisions based on emotions, they aren’t always able to see the whole picture. 

 

Using the SODAS Method helps in the decision making process as it shows kids they don’t need to make decisions based on emotions. By working through all the steps, children can see they have options and what is positive and negative about their options.

 

SODAS is an acronym. SODAS stands for Situations, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages, and Solution.

 

For each situation, have them come up with three options. Then for each of the three options have them come up with three advantages and three disadvantages. Then looking at their options, they can come up with a solution. 

 

If they aren’t able to come up with a solution, have them come up with new options and do the process again.

 

The decision making process can be used for almost any situation and can work with children of all ages.

 

Watch the behavior skill video on SmarterParenting.com to see how the behavior skill works. https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/decision-making-sodas-method/

 

For full podcast transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Struggling to figure out why kids act the way they do? Join the Smarter Parenting Club.  These Parenting Coaching sessions are a safe place where you will get answers.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/ In today’s episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues the discussion of The ABC’s of Behavior and how it can help you create a happier family life.

When you can understand why behavior happens, it is easier to take steps to prevent it. Sometimes though, it can be hard to figure out why behavior happens. In those cases, Siope Kinikini recommends looking at five things that could have contributed to the meltdown.

Are they sleepy? Are they getting enough good sleep? Are they hungry? Are they eating a healthy diet? Do they have a disability? Was there a change in their environment? Was there an interruption to their schedule?

Understanding that these things could lead to tantrums allows you to make changes before the tantrums even happen.

If they’re tired, you could have them do quiet time, nap, or watch a TV show. If they are hungry, you could give them a snack and set up a snack schedule. If they have a hard time processing things due to a disability, you could provide them with space and understanding that allows them not to become overwhelmed. If there is a change in the environment, you can acknowledge that it can be difficult and help prepare them before changes happen. If there’s an interruption to the schedule, you can reduce interruptions, set a timer for transitions, or finish certain tasks.

All of these things take less work and energy than dealing with a tantrum once it’s begun and allows you to have the energy to spend on creating a relationship. If you’re not spending as much time dealing with tantrums, you can play a game, or read a book, or go out with friends.

The ABC’s of Behavior is incredibly powerful in helping you understand your child. It’s even more powerful when applied to yourself. You can use the ABC’s of Behavior to determine how you react to certain behaviors and what you can do to change it, you will be happier and more in control of situations.

Applying the ABC’s of Behavior to ourselves can be uncomfortable. If you are struggling to figure out your antecedents, join the Smarter Parenting Club. Our coaching sessions are a judgment-free zone where we help you figure out individual solutions.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For complete show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

It can be frustrating and disheartening at times to find resources, and even information about resources within school systems. There is hope!

Today, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, speaks with attorney Catherine Michael to learn about the laws and options available to provide the appropriate resources and accommodations your child needs to succeed in school.

Sometimes schools and educators don’t know what resources are available or what they are legally required to provide for your child.

It is never too late to help your child get the resources they need. Help and hope are there for you and your child.

Catherine Michael’s Kindle book “The Exceptional Parent's Guide to Special Education Law and Advocacy” is available at Amazon.com.

In episode 74, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini talks with Dr. Gray and Dr. Crohan about the importance of getting the right diagnosis and how behavior skills can help kids with ADHD.

Many children--and-adults-with ADHD struggle with time management and need strategies that will set them up for success.

Children who can learn strategies can better transition to adulthood and be successful in work, school, and their personal lives. Children who don’t discover time management strategies will often struggle with substance abuse and failure in their work and personal lives.

Avoidance, procrastination, and distraction are all symptoms of ADHD and can be more comfortable for a person than getting things done or facing difficult situations. Those with ADHD often don’t like dealing with difficult feelings.

In this podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, discusses his struggles with ADHD as a child and what strategies he has implemented that have been life-changing. 

The two strategies that both children and adults with ADHD can implement today are the time-boxing method and the SODAS Method. 

Because those with ADHD can have difficulty seeing the big picture or determining priorities, the time-boxing method helps them decide what they need to do. By visually seeing what needs to be done, they are more likely to do it, as those with ADHD often thrive once they begin.

The SODAS Method helps remove the emotion from situations and keeps them focused on the present. 

Using these two methods will help you or your child with ADHD play to strengths and find successful outcomes.

You can learn more about the SODAS Method here.

If you'd like personalized help implementing time management strategies for you or your child, we can help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and let us create solutions that will work for you!

We all have weaknesses. Often though, those weaknesses can be strengths if we change how we look at them. 

For example, the strength of a child that argues is that they feel confident in expressing their feelings and they know what they want. 

The strength of a child who walks away during conflict is that they know their limits and don’t want to increase friction or say something they would later regret. 

The strength of an indecisive child is that instead of rushing into decisions that could harm themselves or others, they take the time to look at all possible options logically.

When we can change our viewpoint and shift our perspective regarding what our child is doing, it will pay huge dividends.

One way that parents can shift their focus on see weaknesses as strengths is to use the skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise lets a child know that you see the good they are doing and not just the bad, which gives your child confidence that you can help them.

If you want your child to change, praise them. Children respond to Effective Praise. You can find the skill of Effective Praise on the Smarter Parenting website.

Creating a growth mindset for kids is one of the greatest things parents can teach their kids. A growth mindset is helping kids understand expectations while allowing them not to be perfect. Effective Praise helps parents do just that as it shows a child what they are doing well and why continuing that behavior would be beneficial to them.

Harnessing the power of praise isn’t just for when kids are doing it all right as parents’ expectations don’t always match their child’s ability. By using Praise Approximations, parents are able to meet them where they are at, which encourages kids to grow and learn even when they fall short of parents’ expectations. 

Praise Approximations are especially helpful when kids are throwing a tantrum or feel overwhelmed as they help pull kids out of what is happening and gives them an off-ramp for their feelings.

Effective Praise, and Praise Expectations, are powerful tools to help teach our kids. We recommend listening to podcast #76,77 to learn more about how Effective Praise creates a growth mindset for kids.

Sign up for a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn more about Effective Praise visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We are excited to introduce our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen! 

Kimber comes with a wealth of knowledge in dealing with difficult and challenging behavior using the Teaching-Family Model.

You will be hearing more from Kimber in future podcast episodes and she is available for coaching.

 

Have you ever given a consequence that hasn't worked? We know we have.

Implementing consequences that work to change behavior can be difficult for many parents. Often, we continue to give consequences repeatedly that don't work, which only increases our frustration level.

Learning how to give consequences that work is made easier when parents use Effective Negative Consequences. Effective Negative Consequences gives parents the 5 elements they need to make a consequence work for their child.

Giving consequences that work is difficult because no two children or situations are the same, even though we often treat them the same.

Parents may struggle with consequences because consequences are often given as an emotional response where "grounding them for a year" seems like a good idea. Consequences given as an emotional response don't tend to be as effective because they are often too big.

When you give consequences that are too big for the behavior, often you aren't able to follow through. That teaches your child that their negative behavior doesn't matter as they will not truly get a consequence for their behavior. Which only leads them to repeat the action. 

When parents use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, it signals to their child a few things.

First, it signals that you are disappointed in the behavior and not in them. This distinction is crucial as it allows you to strengthen your relationship even when you're giving them consequences.

Second, it allows them to see that you value them as a person. When you give tailored and essential consequences to your child, you are signaling that they matter to you. 

Third, it helps them know you're interested in helping them change and be better. The purpose of a consequence is to teach and not to punish.

If you need additional help learning how to give consequences that work, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.

This podcast relies on donations. Please donate. 

In this episode, we continue our discussion on how Role-playing creates change and increases confidence in children and adults. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we recommend you go back to episode 91.

https://adhd.smarterparenting.com/e/ep-91-creating-change-while-increasing-confidence-part-1/

All of us have biases based on our life experiences. These biases can make it hard for us to see another person’s viewpoint, which can hinder communication. One of the benefits of Role-playing is that it allows us to feel empathy for another person which helps us break down our biases. By understanding where someone is coming from, we can focus on building better relationships as we can improve and positively address things. This is especially important for helping your child with ADHD as they tend to see the world differently, and understanding how they see it goes a long way to understanding and finding solutions.

These biases also come into play in how we process the good or bad that someone is experiencing. When good things happen, we believe that it’s because of something we’ve done, and when bad things happen, it’s due to external forces.

Using Role-playing to increase empathy and understanding will have a ripple effect on your family and your relationships. If you are unsure how to use Role-playing, we hope you will join the Smarter Parenting Club where Siope Kinikini will be able to walk you through Role-playing and what you need to do to help your family find success. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

It’s only natural for children to seek out situations where they feel confident, competent, independent, and autonomous. As discussed in the previous podcast, many children turn to video games to help fulfill these needs. Parents can counter the positives children receive from playing video games by using Effective Praise.

Effective Praise can increase your connection with your child as it teaches you how to validate the good things your child is doing. When children feel approved by their parents, it increases their confidence, competence, independence, and autonomy, which strengthens the emotional bond you have with them. 

Getting praise signals to your child, “Hey, my parents are proud of me. My parents see what I’m doing well. I like it when they notice it. I want to keep doing this so they continue.”  

As that bond strengthens, the benefits will be that your child listens to you more. They will spend more time with you. They will seek out your advice. 

We can’t stress how important giving Effective Praise is. 

One of the steps of Effective Praise requires parents to give their children a reason why they should continue the positive behavior. This step is hard for many parents. Most of us, when giving a reason to behave a certain way, give a reason that’s meaningful to them and not always to the person they are talking to.

When parents are able to give their child a meaningful reason, they are more likely to repeat that behavior as they feel like they are getting something out behaving that way. It can take some trial and error to figure out the things that are important to your child. If you’re struggling to figure out what is motivating your child, look at how they spend their free time or money. Those tend to be things that matter to them.

This podcast will be so insightful in helping you create a better bond with your child.

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Preventing temper tantrums is a question that ADHD Smarter Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is asked frequently during coaching sessions.

While there are many behavior skills on Smarter Parenting that can address tantrum behavior, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to prevent them from happening using the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching.

The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps a child understand what they need to do in a specific situation. Knowing what to do beforehand allows a child to make corrections and deal with emotions and frustrations before they get out of control. Preventive Teaching gives your child confidence that they can handle any situation. 

When teaching the skill of Preventive Teaching, you need to focus on what you want their child to do and not what you don’t want their child to do. Focusing on what we want a child to do, helps our child rewire their brain, and adopt the new positive behavior. Talking about a new behavior isn’t enough. The real change comes when we Role-play or practice. We recommend that parents practice the new behavior as many times as needed until both you and the child are confident in your ability to do it. 

Using Preventive Teaching to stop tantrums before they start isn’t a quick fix. It’s a lasting fix that will take time and effort to implement but will pay huge dividends. Preventing temper tantrums will change the dynamic of your family and improve your relationship. 

If you are looking for specific help for tantrums, sign up for a free mini-coaching session. During the session, our ADHD Parenting coach Siope Kinikini will be able to dive deeper into the situation and will give you tailored information that will help your family find success. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/

To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/

For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

In today's episode, Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini gives parents practical advice for keeping family life balanced.

We all want what’s best for our children, and often we feel that means giving our children various opportunities to grow and cultivate talents. Yet, for many parents, managing numerous activities and schedules in addition to everything they need to do can feel overwhelming.

It is okay for parents to take stock of what is happening and make adjustments, including reducing their child’s activities, if needed. No one in the family benefits if mom or dad is grumpy, tired, or overwhelmed.

Parents should evaluate all extracurricular activities on whether they are essential and what the family can do. If you’re trying to figure out what is the best for your child and your family, we recommend using the SODAS Method to help you determine the best course of action.

The SODAS Method allows you to see the pros and cons, which will enable you to make the best-informed decision for you, your child, and your family. 

You can find more information about the SODAS Method on the Smarter Parenting website.

 

In this episode Siope breaks down Effective Communication and how you, as a parent, can apply Gottman's principle of Bids for Connection to your parent-child relationship. 

Let us help you figure out how to use Effective Negative Consequences—join the Smarter Parenting club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Figuring out how to give Effective Negative Consequences can be tricky as many parents struggle with implementing all five elements that make a consequence successful.

The goal of a consequence is to teach them what they should have done instead and to encourage them not to repeat the negative behavior.

Consequences are only so successful and should not be a parent's sole focus when it comes to changing behavior. Parents that focus exclusively on consequences will damage their relationship with their child long-term.

In addition to consequences, parents should be looking for ways to acknowledge and increase positive behaviors. Focusing on the good can be hard for so many parents because when our children are misbehaving it’s hard to recognize that they are doing anything right. Or we feel that by rewarding them instead of punishing them, they will not learn their lesson.

Using Effective Positive Rewards in conjunction with Effective Negative Consequences allows for positive and sustainable change as kids tend to be more motivated by positive interactions than negative interactions.

Effective Negative Consequences has its place and should be given when the behavior warrants.

Knowing when to use Effective Negative Consequence and Effective Positive Rewards takes some skill and understanding. If you are struggling to figure when to use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards, sign-up for coaching within the Smarter Parenting Club. During a Parenting Coaching session, we can discuss your unique situation and come up with individualized answers that fit you and your child.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Struggling with giving consequences? Join the Smarter Parenting Club. 

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Parents often give a lot of consequences, but consequences are not always the best way to change behavior. 

While consequences have their place, there are limitations to the effectiveness of consequences to change a child’s behavior. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents what those limitations are and what they can do instead.

If parents only use consequences, it could create this environment where they internalize the negative behavior and believe that the reason they are getting all these consequences is because they are bad. 

The best way to create long-last change is to focus on the positive things that your child is doing by creating an environment where we can recognize kids for what they do well and reward them when they do. For many parents, this is a mind-shift that takes some getting used too, but creating an environment where you have more positive interactions than negative with your kids will strengthen your relationship and create a happier home environment. Focusing on positives helps a child reach their full potential.

Giving kids rewards and consequences isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Children learn at different rates, and what works for one child will not work for others. It’s okay to switch up the rewards or consequences to fit your child and their needs.

Figuring out what behavior we can reward our children for and what action needs a consequence can be tricky. We encourage you to sign up for a free Parenting Coaching session where we can help you work through your specific situation and individual needs.

Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We’ve heard so many parents say, “My child doesn’t do anything right.” Even the “worst” kids do things right. In fact, they may be doing a lot right. If we‘re focusing on the “bad,” that will be all we see, and we will miss what they do well.

The skill of Effective Praise helps parents acknowledge what kids are doing well, even if it’s small. When we focus on the positive, we will see things change as our kids will respond to the praise and acknowledgment of what they’re doing right.

Using Effective Praise is different than just offering general praise. General praise is sayings like, “Good job,” “Way to go,” “I’m proud of you.” While all of these sounds great, they won’t change your child’s behavior because they don’t tell a child anything.

On the other hand, Effective Praise helps a child understand what they are doing well and why they should continue it. Effective Praise is specific and tailored to your child and what they are doing.

Effective Praise sounds like, “Good job putting away your shoes. When you put away your shoes, you will know where they are, and you don’t have to spend time looking for them when you want to play with your friends.” 

The hardest time to praise our children is when they are misbehaving, as it can be easy to think they don’t deserve praise. That is when you need to praise them! Remember, a child acts out because they are dealing with large emotions that they don’t know how to express. When you praise positive behaviors during a tantrum, it shows them they have options other than misbehaving and that even though they are acting out, you still love them and want to help them.

You can find the skill of Effective Praise on the Smarter Parenting website.

Creating family routines that work are tricky enough during the best of times. With the constant changes to work and school schedules brought about because of the pandemic, it can be hard to feel like you're finding a routine that works for your family.

When determining a schedule, take into consideration the needs of your family and their personalities. Does your family do better on more or less structure? Do your kids do better when given some freedom? Are they more of a morning or an evening person?

Understanding your family's needs will help you create a schedule that works for how your family functions. If your family likes a lot of structure, a routine with very little structure won't be effective.

Because of the different needs of your family, you may need multiple schedules. That's okay. The purpose of a family routine is to help each family member in a way that works for them. 

Don't feel guilty if your family routine doesn't look like popular routines. It's okay to have more or less structure than someone else or do things differently. Remember, no routine will be useful if it doesn't make sense for your family.

Helping your child understand the routine and what is expected of them is crucial in making that routine work. The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps you do just that. When a child understands what is expected of them and how they need to respond to certain things, they are more likely to do it independently.

You can find the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching on the Smarter Parenting website.

Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. You will have access to incredible parenting resources that will help make your life easier.

SUPPORT THIS PODCAST. JOIN THE SMARTER PARENTING CLUB SILVER TIER.

Children with ADHD often deal with other issues, including anxiety. The combination of both ADHD and anxiety can make it doubly hard for them to effectively handle situations where they're expected to behave a certain way.

Teaching them anxiety management strategies allows them to plan for and deal with situations in a way that reduces their anxiety. Anxiety management strategies don't have to be complicated. The most successful calming strategies are those that your child can do no matter the situation.

Some calm down strategies include breathing techniques, visualizing feelings, and physical grounding. 

When teaching them calming techniques, it's essential to work with your child and model what you would like them to do. By modeling what they need to do, your child understands what is expected, removing confusion. 

Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can find ways to address situations before, during, and after. The more you can help your child address situations early using anxiety management techniques, the more successfully your child can handle their anxiety.

You can find the ABC’s of Behavior on the Smarter Parenting website. 

If you need additional help dealing with your ADHD child’s anxiety, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.

This podcast relies on donations. Please donate. 

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and learn how Preventive Teaching can help you find more clarity and time while reducing stress and frustration.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Parents only have so much time and energy in a day. Preventive Teaching helps parents use their time and energy wisely instead of spending it addressing and fixing problems. This keeps parents from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

When parents use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching, they can address problems before they become bigger—the bigger the problem the more energy required to deal with it. By addressing them before they get out of hand, parents have the energy to spend on things that enrich and rejuvenate them; activities such as reading a book, meeting up with friends, going for a walk, exercising, or watching TV. 

When parents aren’t spending their time dealing with negative behaviors, they can channel that energy into building a stronger relationship with their child, which is incredible. Instead of fights over homework or chores, you’re able to spend that time talking, playing a game together, going for a walk, what will that do for your family? 

We can tell you what it will do. It will increase cooperation, understanding, empathy, and trust. Your child will start to see that you have their best interest at heart and that you are there to help them be better. They will see you as an ally and not as a foe.

We love Preventive Teaching for what it gives parents. By making small changes and addressing problems before they start, you and your kids will gain so much.  If you haven't listened to episodes 80 and 81, we recommend you do as they will help you understand what you will gain from using Preventive Teaching.

 If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

Nothing pushes most parents' buttons more than when their child argues when asked to do something.

When a child argues, it can often quickly escalate, pulling in all sorts of wrongs, emotions, and even personal attacks.

When a child is arguing, it is not the time to teach them life lessons or what they should be doing. Instead, your goal should be to deescalate the situation and get your child to a point where they can accept your answer or do what was asked.

The biggest thing is to remember that an argument takes two and that if you, as the parent, don't engage, your child can't argue. The skill of Following Instructions helps parents take a break from the situation by focusing on the original issue and not being drawn into tangents or arguments.

Once a child is calm, you can address the thoughts and feelings brought up during their argument. It's important that our child feels able to express their ideas and feels. We just want to teach them to do it appropriately, and arguing isn't appropriate.

We hope you'll reach out to us on social media for more information about Following Instructions and how to use it to stop arguments.

Bedtime can be a battlefield for most families but especially for families managing ADHD. But, why is it a fight? What needs to change? Do you as the parent have appropriate expectations? In this episode we break bedtime into three different phases, after listening consider what phase isn't going well in your home. You can focus on one area or you can dive into a bedtime makeover and tackle all three. Whatever you decide, one of your greatest tools is consistency so remain consistent and your bedtime will improve.

Have you wondered what is the difference between coaching and therapy or tried to determine which would be best for your family?

In this episode, we discuss the difference between coaching and therapy and how you can determine your child's needs.

Therapy is focused on healing from mental health issues and the difficult emotions you're feeling because of your mental health issues. Mental health issues include the diagnosis such as depression, anxiety, Autism, trauma,  and PTSD. A therapist is someone who is licensed to address these specific issues.

On the other hand, a coach is someone you go to when you want to get unstuck and set achievable goals. A coach helps you replace unhealthy or unsuccessful habits with new ones.

Both coaching and therapy can be beneficial to your child. Many parents will do both coaching and therapy as a way to address difficulties more comprehensively.

The goal in deciding between coaching, therapy, or both is to determine what would be the best course of action to address what your child struggles with. 

Smarter Parenting only provides coaching. When you sign up for a coaching session, you will learn how to implement the Teaching-Family Model's behavior skills to address specific behavior issues by getting a tailored plan specific to your family's needs.

Coaching allows us to help families all over the world improve relationships and find success.

If your family could benefit from coaching, sign up for the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club.

Join Siope in talking about the brain and how Role Playing makes a big difference when learning new things.

Consequences for bad behavior are a part of life. Learning how to give a consequence that will reduce your child’s negative behaviors takes some learning as most of the consequences parents give aren’t effective. 

Giving Effective Negative Consequences reduces problems and allows parents to teach instead of punishing.

What makes a consequence effective? Using the five components: immediacy, size/degree, consistency, important, and varied; of the behavior skill Effective Negative helps parents give consequences for kids that work to reduce negative behavior and family stress.

Immediacy means that the consequence should be given as close to the negative behavior as possible so they can connect their negative action with the consequence.

Degree/size means that the consequence should match the behavior. This one is difficult for a lot of parents as we tend to give consequences that are disproportional to the negative behavior.

Consistent means giving a consequence every time a negative behavior happens. Consistency is very comforting to children as it teaches them that they can trust you and that you’re disappointed in their behavior and not in them. 

Important means that the consequence needs to matter to your child. If you are giving consequences that don’t mean a thing to your child, they aren’t motivated to change their behavior. By giving consequences that matter, your child is more likely to stop the negative behavior. What matters to each child will be different and may take some trial in finding out precisely what is essential to them.

Varied means that you should give a variety of consequences. If parents give the same consequence for all behaviors, the consequence loses its effectiveness over time. By using a variety of consequences, you are ensuring that they are all valid.

Reducing bad behavior with Effective Negative Consequences requires parents to not only understand what makes a consequence effective but also how to use the behavior skill of Effective Positive Rewards in conjunction with Effective Negative Consequences. In the next podcast, Episode 56 will discuss Effective Positive Rewards. Rewards and consequences go hand and hand, and parents need to understand both to be effective.

For more information about consequences for kids and making consequences effective, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com

https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

In our series, we are reviewing the skill of Observe and Describe and how it helps bring clarity to communication between parents and children. This helps both the parent and child reach better understanding in both positive and negative situations that can lead to better communication and the resolution to problems.

Helping kids go back to school, whether in person, online, or a hybrid, is different this year.

Knowing how to best deal with all the new challenges and unknowns can feel overwhelming. How do you keep your kids safe from Covid-19? How do you balance online learning and work responsibility? How do you keep kids focused?

In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini tackles those very issues and shows parents what they can do to find solutions that work for their family and their situation.

You can prepare and help your child find success this year. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it can’t be a great year.

This is a podcast you don’t want to miss!

For additional resources, full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting club and get access to exclusive content. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Dealing with defiant behavior can be difficult for many parents. They may feel that their child will never make any improvement, and dealing with defiant behavior will be forever a part of their family dynamic.

We 100% know that behavior skills can improve defiant behavior. To improve a child's behavior, though, it requires a parent to make some changes too. 

It can be easy to think that defiant behavior is all our child's fault without realizing that our behavior or reaction may make their behavior worse. Are we too strict, and are they craving out some freedom? Are we too lenient and have learned that they can get whatever they want by acting out? Do we not listen and jump to conclusions when they are trying to explain something?

It's vital to evaluate what is happening in the home that may be contributing to your child's defiant behavior. You may think you're doing everything right, but your child may need something different than what you are doing.

Because every child is different and has different needs and it's essential to make sure we address their needs. If their needs aren't met, they will try to get those needs met through other means--often through defiant behavior or acting out.

When parents are willing to make changes to help their child, then your child is more likely to find success as you are adapting to what they need. We should be asking ourselves,  "What does my child need from me to make the change permanent?" and then make the changes.

When parents make changes, it changes the dynamic of the whole entire family and will improve your child's behavior.

You can find a transcript and show notes for this episode on SmarterParenting.com

Are you feeling judged as a parent? In fact, many parents feel judgment when it comes to how they are parenting.

Join Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersen as they talk about why parents are feeling judged and what they can do about it.

We are all going to receive judgment about our parenting. Someone is going to think we are doing too much or not enough. The goal is to be able to receive that judgment and determine if it applies to you.

As the parent, you know your child and what they need best. What has worked for another child or another family may not work with yours. That is okay. That's how it should be. The most effective parenting happens when parents can adapt to the individualized needs of their children.

Often when we receive criticism or suggestions on parenting, it can be challenging to hear and causes us to get defensive or dismiss the advice.

The skill of Observe and Describe helps us stay grounded. Instead of getting all frustrated or upset, we can recognize how we are feeling, which allows our brain time to process what was said and how it made us feel.

We love how Observe and Describe can help us work through the internal dialogue that we may be having about situations. For example, if you've ever taken a young child to the store late at night, you know that people are often formulating judgments in their mind. With Observe and Describe you can remind yourself, "I know this person is looking at me and making a judgment about me bring my child to the store, and this makes me feel anxious. They don't know that I spilled the formula container, and there is no longer formula for their nighttime feeding. Keeping my child feed is more important to me than feeling anxious about what someone thinks."

The great thing about Observe and Describe is that it is a skill that can be done anywhere and doesn't need any special tools. 

Parents, you're doing a good job! Hang in there. You've got this! On our website, you will find additional information and suggestions for using Observe and Describe. 

No parent likes giving the same instruction over and over again only to have it ignored. When parents reached this stage, they think their only course of action is to get their child's attention by yelling.

While yelling may get your child's attention, it can initiate their flight or fight response that will make it more difficult for them to do what you wanted of them in the first place.

There is a better way to engage with your child that creates connections. You develop better relationships with your child by investing in behavior skills and teaching your child your expectations. 

The behavior skill Following Instructions teaches your child how to listen and do what you want them to do without either of you getting frustrated or angry, reducing stress and frustration.

Think of what your family life would look like if when you asked your child to do something, they did it without complaining? Wouldn't that change the whole dynamic of your family? 

Teaching a new behavior skill requires work and time, but we promise that the long-term payoff will be incredible. It will change how your family interacts. You will find that your home is a calmer, happier, and more wonderful place.

Parenting stretches our abilities and, quite often, our confidence. It doesn't take too many tantrums for many parents to realize that they don't know how what to do. Then, just when you may think you finally have something figured out, another child with another personality comes along.

Parenting doesn't have to be such a struggle. Our goal at Smarter Parenting is to help parents feel confident in their ability to handle any parenting issue or challenge in a way that builds, not destroys, relationships.

The behavior skills we teach are a blueprint for better parenting. They show you what you can do to keep situations from escalating out of hand. 

Every parent can use a little help as there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It's okay to admit that you need assistance, and recognizing that does not make you a bad parent. 

The more parenting tool you have, the more confidence you will feel in your parenting! We can't wait to help you become an incredible parent.

Visit SmarterParenting.com for these amazing parenting skills.

Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

In Episode 61, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks with Kurt Furnham from Thornwell in South Carolina about how he teaches the behavior skill of Following Instructions and the importance of Following Instructions.

Thornwell is part of the Teaching-Family Association and uses the Teaching-Family Model in their residential and in-home programs.

In all of the Teaching-Family Association programs, teaching Following Instructions will be one of the first skills a child or family learn. If a child is not able to Follow Instructions, they will not be successful with the other behavior skills as all include an element of Following Instructions.

Getting kids to Follow Instructions seems is essential as they will use this skill for their whole life. They will use it when they cook a recipe, assemble a piece of furniture, do a project at work, or go through airport security. Once mastered Following Instructions become a regular part of our day.

Kurt Fulhman talks about what he has found to be successful in teaching Following Instructions to dysfunctional populations.

His first recommendation is to make it part of the daily routine and daily expectations. Following Instructions can be incorporated into chores, schedules, family traditions, meals, homework, etc. Even getting dressed can involve Following Instructions. Creating daily routines that include Following Instructions will decrease frustration and increase closeness.

Second, when incorporating Following Instructions into your daily routine, don’t make it too complicated. Start with small tasks and by giving short instructions. When a child has mastered that, continue to add additional jobs and directions.

Third, children who have never had to Follow Instructions may want to power struggle or argue. The advice: disengage until they can follow the instructions. Disengaging will allowing them to see the importance of Following Instructions and that Following Instructions benefits them.

For more information about Following Instructions, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/following-instructions/

Role-playing is a powerful tool to help your child learn new behaviors. In this podcast, Kimber, talks about the importance of role-playing to correct negative behaviors, when to do it, and how. This is a great way to begin the process of making permanent changes to your child's misbehaviors. 

Role-playing specifies the appropriate behaviors you would like to see your child accomplish as well as help them become confident in doing so. Smarter Parenting has a brief 6-minute video of how to role-play effectively with each step using examples. You can access the video lesson role-playing here. 

Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal. 

Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.

The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.

When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.

If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do or say. Having a script allows you to stay focused on what needs to happen and not get distracted.

If you are struggling with helping your child during the pandemic, this is the podcast for you!

If you're looking for individualized parenting help, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

 

In today's episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses five tips for parents dealing with tantrum behaviors. These tips include focusing on the behavior and not the issue of the tantrum to refocus the child on adjusting the behavior, eliminating the audience, maintaining composure for the parent, describing the expected behavior, and praising for even minor compliance. The parenting skill, Observe and Describe helps a parent deal with challenging behaviors.

What is Complex ADHD and why should parents be aware of it? The diagnosis of ADHD may not give parents a complete understanding of their child's behavior. Understanding the limitations of a diagnosis of ADHD and that something more could be contributing to problem behaviors can help parents find better solutions to help their children.

Siope explains what Complex ADHD is and how using the skill of Observe and Describe helped a family deal with oppositional behavior.

Many children with ADHD also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Understanding the difference between these two diagnoses will help parents better understand how to help their child.

Whether your child has ADHD, ODD, or both, the skills we teach on Smarter Parenting will work to help improve your child’s behavior. How you implement the skills will change depending on your child’s diagnosis because your child will need different things depending on their diagnosis.

Do you wonder if your child has ODD? All children can have moments of difficulty when they are angry or argue. Children with ODD show persistent anger, moodiness, arguing, defiance, or vindictiveness towards you or other authority figures. Their behavior goes beyond normal child’s behavior.

Children with ODD tend to angry, irritable, argumentative, or defiant and deliberately annoy, upset, or blame others for their mistakes. Children with ODD tend not to take responsibility for their actions, making them less likely to respond to consequences as they don’t believe they did anything wrong. 

Instead, they respond well to Effective Praise as it reinforces their self-motivation and self-rational.

Children with ADHD do respond well to Effective Negative Consequences as children then tend to act without thinking.

We love the skills of the Teaching-Family Model because no matter what diagnosis your child has, they can help. 

We know that implementing the skills when your child has a diagnosis can be challenging. If you need help, we offer individual coaching tailored to your child and your specific situation.

Sign up at SmarterParenting.com/coaching

We can’t wait to help you!

Have you ever wondered how to help your child when they are out of control? Are you unsure of what to do when your child is tantruming or defiant, and nothing seems to be working? 

On today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is joined by Naomi Halterman, director of training at Utah Youth Village. In this episode, they discuss what parents can do to help their child when their child is feeling out of control by using the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model.

Dealing with a child who is throwing a tantrum is never easy as it requires a lot of patience to get them back into control.  A child's tantrum can involve anger, crying, defiance, or even ignoring you and will look different in younger kids versus older kids.

When teaching to a child's tantrum, remember that your goal is to help them get to a state where they can do what is asked of them without resorting to tantrum behaviors. No matter what tantrum behavior they are experiencing, how you address it remains the same.

You address tantrum behaviors by giving them small instructions to calm down and continually give that instruction until they comply. 

Giving the same instruction repeatedly without a child doing it is hard for many parents. Providing the same instruction repeatedly without getting angry or frustrated signals to your child that they have permission to calm down and that you aren't mad with them for feeling overwhelmed and out of control, which is very comforting to your child.

You're going to enjoy listening to Naomi and her experience with working with the Teaching-Family Model. We can't wait for you to take a listen.

To learn more about the behavior skills talked about in this episode, visit SmarterParenting.com.

The last in a series of three podcasts on "Love Languages" presented by Kimber where she discusses how to use parenting skills while keeping in mind the way your child will better connect with you. 

Kimber discusses the final three topics: Gifts, Quality Time, and Acts of Service with the skill of Effective Communication. 

When one child requires more attention, it can throw the family dynamic off or cause other children to adopt the negative behaviors to get increased attention. As a parent, it can be hard to navigate how to deal with all the family's needs in a way that works for everyone. When things aren't balanced, often parents feel a lot of guilt and stress, and in trying to make things fair or right with their other children, they may actually be inadvertently adding to the imbalance. 

Our children have different personalities and different needs. As a parent, we want things to be equal for our children. We think we are equal by spending equal amounts of time, giving equal attention, or dealing with them in the same way. Fair doesn't mean equal. In fact, for some children, too much time actually could make them feel anxious or nervous. What is important is that how we interact with them fulfills their needs.

Convey this idea to our children that fair doesn't mean equal is essential. Once children understand this, often attention-seeking behaviors will decrease. 

When a child requires a lot of attention, it's helpful for parents to reframe that negative behavior. Finding the positive from that behavior allows you to help them turn that into strengths instead of using it negatively. For example, suppose a child is upset. In that case, you can reframe that as they can advocate for themselves, which allows you to find opportunities where they can positively advocate for themselves. These two things will go a long way in changing the dynamic in your family for the better. Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. Get access to exclusive materials, and at the gold and platinum levels, coaching. 

For the next few weeks, we will review the skills taught on Smarterparenting.com.

This week we are focusing on the ABC's of Behavior.

The ABC's of Behavior is a tool parents can use to figure out why a behavior is happening and then take the appropriate steps to keep the behavior from happening again or promoting repeat behavior. 

The ABC's of Behavior stands for:  A-Antecedent. The Antecedent is what was happening before the behavior. 

B-Behavior. It is what happened or the action.

C-Consequence. This is what follows after the behavior. It can be either positive or negative.

When parents can understand why a specific behavior is happening, it is easier to address the root cause in a way that helps a child learn and grow.

Visit SmarterParenting.com for more information about The ABC's of Behavior

Hi, friends. Checking-in as we know that the world feels very chaotic right now and it can be hard to know how to best handle the chaos.

This is a bonus episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting podcast. We felt like it was important to reach out to you and to help you navigate everything that's happening in the world today. Along with the pandemic and all of the other things that have been happening around the world, this is a trying time for parents and especially for children. I wanted to give you some tips and suggestions on things for you to consider as you navigate this difficult time.

There's specifically three things I want you to be aware of. Number one, be aware that you are the filter for your children. The way things are transpiring and the way that things are happening, they are seeing the world not only for themselves, but also through the filter that you give them. So be careful and be aware of the way that you present the information, the way that you share the information, and the way that you react to the information that you are seeing. It's important for you to understand that you are giving your child permission to behave in the same way. Be aware.

Now, the second thing is, if your child is struggling and you are struggling, the best thing you can do is to listen. Take some time to ask some questions and just listen. If you know the skill of Effective Communication from Smarter Parenting, you realize that step number four is where you actually start sharing your perspective on things. There are three steps before that that require you to focus and to listen. So if you get stuck, ask questions, listen, probe, find out more, understand a little bit more about what's going on.

Now, the last thing I want you to keep in mind is something that was shared with me that I thought was fantastic. It's the advice given by Mister Rogers. I don't know if you're familiar with Mister Rogers back in the 1960s and '70s. He was a pioneer in children's programming and helped children learn about difficult topics through his show on PBS, the Public Broadcasting Service.

He says that whenever there are difficult times, it's important for you to help your children look for the helpers. Now, I want you to think about that. Looking for the helpers, who are the helpers around us? Who are the people that are reaching out and helping other people? You can help your children navigate this difficult time by helping them recognize the helpers that are out there.

Let me give you a brief example. When I'm watching the news or I am listening to the radio and there's so much going on, I don't find a lot of reporting on the helpers that out there, or really an in-depth look at the helpers. There's a lot of ranting, and raving, and screaming, and tantrum behaviors that is happening on the news. But, I was able to recognize that within my own community, as I went to the store, as I would visit the office or a different place, or even go somewhere for supplies, that there are people out there who are the helpers.

I went into a grocery store and surprisingly, the cashier was very positive and very helpful, asking if I had found everything, asking if I had a good day. Just really there, present in the moment. That's somebody who's a helper, that's somebody who is looking out and making a connection with somebody on a daily basis. You can find the helpers. They're around you, you just have to pay attention, and sometimes you have to learn how to tune out the noise from other people who are just louder than they are and you'll find helpers all over the place. These can include essential workers. I did go in to get a shot in a medical clinic, and even there, the person giving me the shot, the nurse was extremely kind. Very, very kind and thoughtful. She's a helper. The cashier at the store was a helper. I had a neighbor drop off some treats just because, that neighbor's helper. There are helpers.

And if we focus and help our children focus on recognizing who these helpers are, it really does make a difference in getting them to understand our time and giving nuance in context, that even though we struggle and there are really a lot of things happening in the world, that there still is good out there if we look and if we find it. It's the same principle with your own kids. When we look for the good, we will find the good. So consistently look for the good and Effectively Praise them.

I'm offering these as suggestions for you during this tumultuous time that we are living in. Not only during the pandemic and school shut downs and so much more, these are things that I really wanted parents to keep in mind. I will talk to you again on the podcast later. That's it from me, have a good day. Bye.

When giving Effective Negative Consequences, there are things that parents should never use as these are basic rights that children are entitled too. They are common sense things but include access to healthy foods, clothing, education, safety, shelter, and sleep.

When giving effective consequences, it’s essential to make sure you are not infringing on their rights. Taking away fundamental rights will create considerable problems in your relationships and could have other, unforeseen, consequences.

There are things that kids would like to tell you are basic rights that aren’t. Access to cell phones, video games, computer time, time with friends, use of the car, fancy clothing, or junk food are not basic rights. Those things are privileges and absolutely could be used as an Effective Negative Consequence.

This means you can’t withhold dinner, which is a basic right, but you could withhold a dessert or treat as those aren’t basic rights.

When making Consequences Effective, it’s important to use the five components of the behavior skill of Effective Negative Consequences. We discussed the five components in Episode #55.  We discussed the five components of Effective Positive Rewards in Episode #56. Review those podcasts if you need help making rewards or consequences effective.

While Effective Negative Consequences are valid and needed, parents will find that Effective Positive Rewards is more powerful in increasing positive behavior.

Every time a parent gives a child a consequence, they are creating a divide between their themself and their child. Shifting from a negative mind frame (Effective Negative Consequences) to a positive mind frame (Effective Positive Rewards) will be more beneficial in increasing positive behavior.

Effective Positive Rewards shows a child what they can gain by behaving a certain way, and that is much more powerful than what they could lose.

For example, if your child struggles with doing their homework, telling them they could earn 30 minutes of screen time is more effective than saying they’d lose 30 minutes of screen time.

Effective Positive Rewards helps a child take ownership of their behavior, especially if they have a say in what rewards they can earn.

Many parents have found our free Behavior Contract to be effective in giving child ownership of their behavior as it spells out the four rewards or the one consequence a child could earn.

It will take an effort to move from a mind-frame of consequences to rewards, but we promise that it will be worth the effort. 

For questions about making rewards or consequences effective in your situation, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

How can you talk to your child about ADHD? How can you communicate with extended family members who may not understand ADHD what it is without judgment? During this podcast, Siope discusses the approach recommended for talking to children and teens about ADHD and how to communicate about it with family members that may not understand it.

Focusing on the skill of Effective Communication throughout this podcast episode which can be found on the Smarter Parenting website. 

Neurodiversity believes that children with ADHD, Autism, or other neurological diagnoses don't have a learning disability. Instead, they learn differently. Processing information differently does not make them stupid or "bad." Understanding that they learn differently allows parents to empower their children.

By reframing your child's diagnosis, we can frame their challenges as differences rather than deficits.

It is especially true when it comes to challenging behaviors. If you have had a hard time improving their behavior, it's not because they're inherently bad, but rather how you're communicating with your child isn't how they learn. The great news is that you can help them move beyond their negative behaviors to more positive behaviors using the Teaching-Family Model.

The Teaching-Family Model is influential in changing behavior because it incorporates different learning styles, setting a child up for success. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not; all can find success when you use the Teaching-Family Model skills. 

When parents continually teach and reinforce the skills taught on SmarterParenting.com, they help their children create new pathways in their brains. These new pathways will allow your child to perform the task independently and generalize what they have learned to other situations.

Creating new pathways doesn't happen overnight and will require a lot of teaching on your part, but the outcomes will save you stress, time, and frustration for both you and your child in the future.

On SmarterParenting.com, you will find the short video skills lessons that will set your child up for success. These video lessons are entirely free.

Let us guide you on how to make Role-playing effective for your family. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

If you want a behavior to stick, you have to Role-play again and again until that behavior becomes ingrained in your child. While the idea of Role-playing continually may sound overwhelming, we can promise that doing it will pay off huge for your child. 

Role-playing helps your child transition ideas from the abstract to the concrete. It moves them from just hearing something to understanding something.

Cued practice allows you to see if your child can apply what they have practiced in real life. Cued practice is when you tell your child you will be practicing at a later time to see how much they understand. It takes a lot of practice to change behavior and your child may struggle in the cued practices. That’s to be expected. Praise them for what they did well and then continue practicing. They will get it eventually.

Role-playing is so essential that it is used in every behavior skill taught on Smarter Parenting. We recommend getting a good handle on what Role-playing is and how you use it.

If you haven’t checked out the Role-playing skill lesson page, we advocate that you do. There you will find a video lesson that walks you through the steps as well as resources that will help you teach the skill to your child. The more comfortable you are with the behavior skill of Role-playing the easier it will be to teach your children how to Role-play.

https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/

ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini has discussed the importance of Role-playing in previous podcast episodes. We recommend listening to them again.

Ep #71: Changing the brain through Role-playing

Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior

Ep #13: Why practice leads to success

We know that Role-playing can feel awkward at times. Stick with it. It will get better and it will change your family. Start by Role-playing situations that are comfortable before moving up to more difficult situations. We can’t stress enough how much power there is in Role-playing. For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Many parents give a consequence expecting it will stop the behavior and are surprised when it doesn't. 

Giving an effective consequence isn't easy. In fact, for a consequence to work, it needs to include five key elements: Immediacy, Size, Frequency, Importance, and Varied.

The best way to teach a child isn't through consequences. Because consequences focus on the negative, they can damage your relationships with your child and cause them to have issues with self-esteem and self-doubt. The best way to get a child to create lasting change is through rewards.

Rewards give a child power and encouragement to change because it focuses on what they will receive. Rewards build relationships and set your child up for success. 

For more information about giving consequences or rewards, visit SmarterParenting.com

Your child is not their diagnosis. 

A diagnosis is a framework for how your child's brain works. A diagnosis does not usually tell you how to address the symptoms your child may be experiencing. No two children with the same diagnosis will manifest symptoms the same. Some children with ADHD will struggle with impulsivity, where other children may not.

By focusing on the behavior rather than the diagnosis is crucial in addressing the problem areas.

One of the skills we love to teach parents to use is Decision Making or the SODAS Method. Often when presented with a problem, we may think we have limited options. This belief is often especially true when we receive a diagnosis for our child and feel that that diagnosis is defining our child. 

Using the SODAS Method, we can look at specific problems and develop solutions tailored to our children that will best address their needs.

For many parents having their child no longer defined by labels empowers the child to grow and develop.

You can find Decision Making on the Smarter Parenting website. 

Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.

Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.

Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel. 

Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.

Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both be used to change behavior. Which one to use will be determined by what you need to teach. For some situations, a consequence may be the best course of action for a particular behavior. For many children, though, Effective Positive Rewards are more effective in changing behavior than consequences. Many children may be more motivated to earn extra time if they come by curfew than by losing time if they’re late. 

It’s essential to sit down and evaluate the values you want to teach your children, as this will give you a better game plan for using their interests to do so. 

If you’re struggling with using interests to teach values, we recommend joining the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club. Both of those levels allow for coaching and individualized help and solutions.

Please help us continue to provide this podcast. Donate or join the Silver level in the Smarter Parenting  Club. 

Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let our expert show you how to change behavior. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

When a child is acting up, parents want to know how to give a consequence that works. But, usually, what they want to know is how do they provide a punishment that will stop the behavior. There is a difference between consequences and punishments. Punishments are meant to scare a child into doing what you want, while consequences are meant to help a child make better choices. 

Learning how to give consequences that reduce a child’s behavior doesn’t always come easy. The reason that the consequences don’t work is that parents don’t understand how consequences can be used to help a child make a better choice, and so give consequences that don’t matter to a child. Consequences work when they show a child what they gain by reducing the behavior. 

Five proven elements make consequences work. If a consequence isn’t working to reduce a child’s negative behavior, it’s because one of the elements isn’t working and needs to be modified. The skill of Effective Negative Consequences shows what those five elements are and how parents can use them to find success to change behavior.

The five elements of Effective Negative Consequences are:

• Immediate
• Degree/size
• Consistent
• Important
• Varied

In this episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, shows parents that when they can use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, they will find success in helping their child make positive changes.

Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Listen in as Siope breaks down decision paralysis and how it effects anyone, but especially those with ADHD. Siope offers simple, effective solutions as you work to overcome decision paralysis in your home.

Today's podcast goes over how an ADHD diagnosis is reached. What other issues may also be present, and how parents can use skills to create connections with their children.

A diagnosis does not cover all the symptoms and will not look the same for every child. Some children may present more of one symptom and not others. Getting an official diagnosis allows parents to adapt better to serve their child's needs. 

Often children with ADHD may also present additional symptoms that aren't ADHD, such as anxiety or depression. The order of treatment will depend on what symptoms are most severe.

Often, children with ADHD may feel judged or different, so it's important to foster connections, especially when acting out. The skills on Smarter Parenting are all about helping parents find ways to connect with their children.

We know that connecting with our children, especially when they are angry, tired, or acting out, can be challenging, so we love the skills so much. The skills give you the steps needed to create connections while being calm and present and not making things worse.

You can create an excellent and healthy relationship with your child that will benefit them their whole life!

Learn more about the skills today! You can find the free skills at SmarterParenting.com

It's no secret that when one child is diagnosed with ADHD, it impacts everyone in the family.

Children without a diagnosis may start to act out, become resentful of the time and attention that one child may be receiving, or question why what they do right goes unnoticed.

Using the skill of Effective Praise can change the dynamic of the family. Effective Praise shifts the focus from what is going wrong to what is going right, which is powerful. 

Effective Praise promotes repeat positive behavior, and it also encourages a child to change their behavior as kids like receiving praise.

Effective Praise changes behavior because it does two things. First, it is specific in what your child did well, and second, it gives your child a reason that matters to them why they should continue the behavior.

When parents combine those things, magic happens. Children not only want to be acknowledged for what they are doing right, but they also want a reason to continue that behavior. The motivation for behaving well can be additional time on the computer or tablet, more time with friends, the ability to make more decisions independently, etc. The list is truly endless, and it will depend on your child and their personality.

 

To learn more about Effective Praise, visit SmarterParenting.com

When it comes to discipline, parents shouldn’t use corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is any physical, mental, or emotional pain inflicted on our kids

While corporal punishment may be effective in the short term, it can have adverse long-term effects. For example, studies have shown that children who have received physical punishments are more likely to show aggressive behavior as they grow older. 

When we react with anger when overwhelmed or frustrated, we teach our children that it is okay for them to act that way when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated. 

Children need discipline, but the aim of discipline should be to teach our kids, not punish them. When we teach them how to behave, we can prevent future problems as we are showing them a better way of doing things. When we teach, we are investing in a better and stronger relationship with our children.

Welcome to episode 100! We are so grateful for all of you and look forward to the next 100 episodes!

We are excited to announce the Smarter Parenting Club. We know that families have different needs. The Smarter Parenting Club aims to meet families where they are, with three different levels. You will have access to exclusive content, podcasts, videos, coaching, and so much more in the club.

Sign up today! We can't wait for you to join us. Club.Smarterparenting.com

Giving consequences that work can be tricky. Frequently when giving a consequence, parents tend to go to the extreme, which leaves parents nowhere to go if it doesn't work.

A consequence aims to teach our child. Consequences are not punishments. When giving a consequence, parents should ask themselves, "What is the least amount of consequence to get my child to stop the negative behavior?"

Consequences must meet the five components of Effective Negative Consequences.

• First, the consequence needs to be immediate and should happen as soon as possible after the negative behavior.
• Second, it needs to match the inappropriate behavior. 
• Third, you need to be able to follow through with consequences every time the negative behavior happens.
• Fourth, you shouldn't give the same consequence for all negative behavior.
• Fifth, the consequence should mean something to your child. If the consequence doesn't mean something to your child, they have no motivation to stop their negative behavior.

Learn about Effective Negative Consequences on SmarterParenting.com

For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

We can’t wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club!

How kids see time is very different than how you see time. Understanding this will be so helpful when you are dealing with giving instructions. 

Children see time as happening slowly, while adults see time as happening quickly. This is due to children getting more visual stimuli versus the stimulus that adults are receiving. When you get more visual stimuli, time appears to pass more slowly.

Your child is absorbing so much information every moment of the day, which is why your child moves "slowly" when getting ready, doing their chores, or doing their homework.

This concept is especially true when you say something to your child like, "We need to leave in 15 minutes," or "You have 5 minutes to complete this chore." Those measurements of time will mean something completely different to your child than it will to you. Because of this, your child doesn't understand why they are in trouble, or you're getting frustrated when the time is up because, in their mind, they still have time.

When interacting with your child, remember there will be a disconnect between how you see time and how your child sees time. Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can help give your child's perception of time a structure that allows you both to get on the same page, reducing frustration. 

Are you an adult who has ADHD or think you may have ADHD? This podcast is for you as ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ADHD in adults and tips for managing it.

When they receive an ADHD diagnosis for their child, many parents may recognize having similar symptoms or challenges, especially when they were younger, and believe they have ADHD.

Recognizing that you may have ADHD can allow you to understand the challenges your child may face. 

If you suspect you have adult ADHD, you can get diagnosed by your health care provider. ADHD in adults looks different from ADHD in a child, and often, adults with ADHD have learned to live with/manage their symptoms.

To be diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, the symptoms must be severe enough to cause issues in everyday life. 

There are multiple options for adults to manage their ADHD, including medication, various therapy, and coaching. One resource we recommend for adults is the book Fast Minds: How to thrive if you have ADHD (or think you might).

The more you can manage your ADHD symptoms, the better help you will be to your child in managing theirs. This is why we love the skill of Role-play. Because those with ADHD can be easily distracted or inattentive, telling them what they should do isn't as effective as showing them how to do it and then practicing. 

By practicing, you are engaging all the senses, allowing your child to be more effective and successful doing it on their own. You can find the free video tutorial on Role-playing at SmarterParenting.com.

When it comes to parenting, no two parents will do it the same, often leading to conflict as you try to prove to the other parent that "you are right."

Each parent brings a different history to their parenting and thus a different response. You may think that your partner is too soft or demanding regarding consequences or rewards, and they may feel the same. 

Just because you were raised one way doesn't make it the best way to raise your child. When parents can approach parenting differences with an attitude of "What is best for my child?" vs. "I'm right, you're wrong," they can come up with solutions that are in the best interest of their child. That solution may be different for each child as each child is different.

When you focus on your child's needs and strengths, it will be easier for you to find common ground as both of you want what is best for your child.

The skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) guides parents on how to find the best solution by showing the positives and negatives for actions.

You can find the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) on the Smarter Parenting website.

If you know someone who would benefit from this podcast, please share it with them!

Siope discusses the often connected relationship between ADHD and ODD, including the criteria for ODD and how to use Effective Praise to help with both problems. 

It is always recommended to work with a mental health professional in your area as well if you need to help. Coaching is available to help support your efforts in the home and with your child. 

Feel free to sign up for coaching on the Smarter Parenting website.

Smarter Parenting is moving in wonderful ways to help families. In order to do that we are making some changes in how we present the lessons and skills we share on the smarterparenting.com website. To do this, we are going to be taking a break from producing new podcasts and from coaching to focus our attention on making these changes happen.    Smarter Parenting is working to make it easier for parents and families to use and to find the resources we teach. During this time our podcast episodes will remain available and we highly suggest you visit the Smarter Parenting website for access to our free parenting resources, lessons,  and skills. Feedback about your experience with smarter parenting, both positive or constructive, is welcomed. You can email us at info@smarterparenting.com.   We would like to thank our active listeners for your patronage and look forward to a bright future!  

Learn how to customize chore charts to the needs of your child with some simple considerations. Siope shares insights into things parents can do to spruce up the effectiveness of a chore chart and emphasizes the need for parents to use the skill of Effective Communication in the process.

A chore chart can be a helpful way for children to do things they need to do without having parents constantly monitoring their children however, most parents believe just writing the tasks that need to be done is enough. Learn some additional ways to make a chore chart work for your child, their age, and their development.

Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives. 

Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.

Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a terrible person as the Teaching-Family Model skills are relationship-focused.

By being faithful to the steps, your child can see and understand that correction doesn't happen willy-nilly, but rather you are on their side to help them learn. It also helps them to realize that you are not here to punish them.

Correcting Behaviors can be incredible in helping your child deal with their Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

If you're struggling with knowing how to correct your child best, sign up for coaching in the Smarter Parenting club and let us find tailored solutions for your family.

For full show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

One of the critical lessons we teach at Smarter Parenting is Preventive Teaching. There is so much power in preparing your child, setting expectations, and practicing something before they face it in real life. In a world with so much risk, how do we teach our children to be safe or to seek safety when they're not feeling it? Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen talks about having hard conversations with your children about discerning who is safe and who is not. These are conversations that children, young and old, need to hear, so listen in to learn where to start. 

Today's podcast addresses the hard conversations that parents around the world are facing: how to make sense of the world when things seem so chaotic. This is such a difficult time for children to understand what is happening or feel safe. Siope and Kimber talk about using Effective Communication and child led questioning to navigate challenging conversations. Listen in and then check out the free resources they reference at www.SmarterParenting.com

Do you ever feel like electronics are taking over your child's life? Do they have a problem getting off their phone, tablet, computer, game, or TV?

It can be tricky to help our children learn how to use electronics appropriately, as we must teach them how to use them in a beneficial and not harmful way for their growth.

In today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ways to set boundaries around electronics and their usage.

One of the things families can do is use the SODAS Method to determine how and when members should use electronic devices. When we make it a family decision, they don't feel like there is a double standard with one set of rules for grown-ups and another set for kids.

You can learn more about the SODAS Method by visiting the Smarter Parenting Website and watching the Decision Making Video.

Kids are growing up with access to online, and parents must help them navigate that safely. 

A one-size-fits-all approach to internet safety and usage isn't realistic. Your child's age and needs should determine screen time and internet usage and recommend using the same rules to both your child's online and virtual environment. 

Parents should be monitoring what their child is doing online.  You should be familiar with what apps, games, and websites they are visiting and what they are teaching. There are a lot of apps and articles that can give parents an idea of what their child is doing online. One we recommend is Common Sense Media.  Parents can find additional app recommendations in the show notes at SmarterParenting.com

As they grow, how they interact with apps and online may change. It's essential to have continued conversations about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Effective Communication allows both parents and children to have meaningful, healthy, and productive discussions regarding time limits, usage, and how they spend their time online, creating healthy digital literacy. 

As technology becomes more ingrained in our lives, the recommendation for a child's use of technology has changed and will continue to change. What type of media your child is accessing is more important than how long they are accessing it. For example, it's better for a child to play an interactive learning game for three hours than playing a non-learning game for an hour.

While thinking about everything you need to teach your child about online safety may feel overwhelming, remember you don't need to teach everything all at once. It would be best if you were having ongoing conversations that you adjust and revisit as needed. You can do this! 

For more information about online safety, don't forget to check out this episode's notes on SmarterParenting.com

Setting healthy boundaries with family or friends can be a challenge, but doing so is essential.

Healthy boundaries are nothing more than a contract. I will do this, and in return, you will do that. Unhealthy relationships are those where the contract is uneven, or someone is infringing on a boundary.

Learning to operate under a new boundary can be challenging for many using under an outdated contract or boundary. Your parents may still be working under a parent/child contract that doesn't consider that you're an adult with children of your own. Or an older sibling may still think it's their place to offer advice because they've "been there."

Overtime boundaries will change. The boundaries that were in place when you were ten will have changed as you became 18. Changing boundaries does not mean that the previous contract was unsuccessful, and adjusting boundaries means focusing on growing relationships.

It's also important to teach our children what healthy boundaries look like for friends, family, and peers which will help them have greater success in the future.

It can be challenging for us to express our boundaries to people we know and care about. We recommend using Effective Communication as it helps both sides to feel heard and understood. 

When learning how to better communicate with others, don't start with the most complex subjects. Begin with relatively easy topics and then progress to the more difficult issues as you become better acquainted with the skill.

Setting healthy boundaries with family members will significantly improve relationships. Let us know how it goes or any struggles you experience as you set boundaries with family.

Today's podcast gives hope to parents who worry about their children with ADHD being successful long-term as Issac Eaves join us.

While many view ADHD as a handicap, we believe ADHD can be a superpower.

As a child with ADHD, Isaac struggled, especially with schedules. His struggles lead to the creation of the Joon App, which helps children with ADHD manage schedules and to-do items in a way that makes them feel successful. It also works with children who do not have ADHD as it makes completing everyday tasks fun and exciting.

Children with ADHD operate differently. When we acknowledge that they need different tools, we help them develop their superpowers. 

You can find the JoonApp here.

 

Today's episode covers a challenging topic, human trafficking, as we share how we've taught the Teaching-Family Model skills to help aftercare organizations in Africa help survivors.

An estimated 2.5 million children and adults worldwide are victims of human trafficking each year. A staggering number that many organizations are looking to reduce. Those rescued often go through an aftercare program that allows them to learn how to heal, how to prevent it from happening again, and learn skills that will enable employment. 

We have worked with various organizations to help the survivors through recovery by providing resources and teaching them the skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Our mission at Smarter Parenting is to heal and elevate families around the world. One of the reasons various agencies have approached us is that the Teaching-Family Model is proven to work with kids who have experienced trauma and is culturally sensitive. Because we have chosen to fulfill our mission mainly via the internet, this has allowed organizations worldwide access to materials that aid in successfully implementing these skills.  

For more information about our work in Africa, please visit our website.

We are passionate about sharing the Teaching-Family Model skills because we know it helps families worldwide. If you haven't yet visited SmarterParenting.com to learn the skills, we invite you to do so. 

Let us help you take Preventive Teaching to the next level. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.

https://club.smarterparenting.com/

Do you feel frustrated with your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself reacting to situations in a way where you feel like you’re a terrible parent? Do you wish there was a better way that would help you be the parent you want to be?

The magic tool is the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model has incredible power to show you how to become the parent you want to be!

When parents have skills and tools, they can be proactive instead of reactive. When a parent is proactive, they are in charge and can guide their child’s behavior. When a parent is reactive, the child is actually in charge, and we’re just reacting to their behavior. When we are proactive, we can reduce feelings of frustration. We can spend less time dealing with problems. We can help our kids successfully navigate the world. We can put our time and energy into strengthening relationships.

For parents who are always feeling frustrated, Preventive Teaching is life-saver.

Parents can regain control. Preventive Teaching helps families prevent problems before they arise as it allows parents to teach expectations in a way a child understands.

This idea is so important. Many parents believe that children should know how to act how they want them to act. Spoiler alert; They don’t. Children need to be taught and they need to be taught at their level.

At their level means keeping it doable for them. It means breaking it down into steps and practicing with them until they can do it before adding more steps. Our goal is to help them find success.

By teaching what it is we want, and then making sure they can do what it is we want, parents can reduce the majority of the problems they face.

Preventive Teaching is used on behaviors both big and small. While Preventive Teaching requires work at the beginning, the payoff is less work down the road.

In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shows parents how to reduce those feelings of frustration by making meaningful changes in how they teach their children. There’s no better time than now to become a proactive parent instead of a reactive parent. Doing so will change the trajectory of your family.

For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

 

The importance of Following Instructions can not be stressed enough. The ability to Follow Instructions is something that every person needs to know how to do if they want to be successful in life.

The behavior skill of Following Instructions found on SmarterParenting.com shows parents and children how to be successful in following instructions they receive.

When parents teach Following Instructions they need to be aware of their expectations. When expectations aren't matched to our child's ability, it leads to frustration for all.

Our expectations should be different for a five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old. Meeting them at their ability level sets them up for greater success.

The four steps of Following Instructions are:

First, get the child's attention

Second, give a clear, detailed, descriptive instruction

Third, the child says, "Okay" and immediately does it

Fourth, child returns and reports when the task is finished

Four simple steps. There is excellent power if learning how to do them. 

When learning the skill of Following Instructions, we recommend doing the following.

First, incorporate Role-plays and reverse Role-plays. Role-plays allow your child to get a sense of what it is you're asking them to do by having them giving and following instructions. Role-plays are what make any skill successful as it's in the practicing that children understand and learn the skill.

Second, break down your expectations into clear instructions. If you want your child to clean their room, break it down into all the tasks you want accomplished. The more detailed you're able to be in your instructions, the better your child can accomplish the task. If you want your child to pick up their dirty clothes, put them in their hamper, and bring their hamper to the laundry room, that's what you need to tell them to do. If you tell them, "pick up your clothes," don't be surprised if that's all they do even though your expectations were for them to bring it to the laundry room.

Third, praise them when they do it. Praise is a great motivator and will encourage them to continue doing the task. 

Every child can find success with Following Instructions!

Watch the behavior skill video on SmarterParenting.com to see how the behavior skill works. https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/following-instructions/

For full podcast transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/

Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/

When your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, you may think you understand what parenting them will look like. What happens when it doesn't? What do you do when your child doesn't have "typical" ADHD symptoms. How do you help them?

There is no such thing as a "typical" child--every child is unique and needs something different, often making parenting challenging as you try to figure out what they need.

While most people think of ADHD, they tend to associate hyperactivity as the primary behavior. ADHD behaviors involve more than just hyperactivity. A child with ADHD may be inattentive, have difficulty focusing, lack self-control, or have anger issues.

When parenting your child, whether or not they have ADHD isn't what you were expecting, the parenting skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are your solutions.

Parenting skills allow you to address your child's behavior in positive ways that encourage growth and development instead of resorting to tactics that damage your child's relationship. 

When you have proven parenting skills, you have the resources you need. Parenting skills help you separate your child from their negative behavior. 

What do we mean by this? When a child is acting up, it can be easy to think, "They are terrible, They are mean, etc.," instead of understanding that they aren't the behavior. They aren't "bad"; they are just having difficulty processing what is happening. When we approach a situation with this mindset, we can use solutions that help our child do better in the future. 

How does this work? Suppose your child is getting upset when talking to you. Instead of matching their voice tone, you can use Effective Communication to deescalate the situation as your helping your child see why they may be upset because they feel like they aren't being heard.

If your child with ADHD has problems focusing, you can use the skill of Decision Making to give them options of things they can do when they're starting to lose focus that will help them refocus, showing them they have multiple ways to react to situations.

We can't emphasize enough the confidence that parenting skills will give you. You will feel empowered and know that no matter what your ADHD child throws at you, you will be able to handle it. Parenting doesn't have to feel lonely and hard.

Learn the tools you need today to better address your child's ADHD diagnosis!

It’s normal to love our children and want to do anything for them, but not always like them because their behavior makes life difficult.

When your child’s behavior drives you nuts, you may wonder what you can do or what you need to focus on to help your child change their behavior.

One of the reasons children act out at home is that they feel safe, and part of feeling safe is testing boundaries to figure out the world around them, which is a good thing.

When we give into a child’s demand, it signals to them that this is something they can come to expect, so being consistent is so important. 

When parents are constantly changing the game plan, it’s confusing for children and can cause them to act up. The more consistent you are, the safer your children will feel, reducing the need for them to act up.

One reason kids may do well at school, but then not so well at home, is because most classrooms operate with consistent schedules and expectations.

As a parent, you can create the same structure that works for your family at home. Part of creating that structure is making sure you understand your limits and taking breaks as needed.

If you are frustrated or overwhelmed, you aren’t able to help your child and often make the situation worse.

We can provide individualized help in setting up a structure that works for your family by joining the Smarter Parenting club. 

As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.

If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.

Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.

Role-playing doesn’t require any fancy equipment; it just requires us to be consistent. 

If you're looking for help, we have the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!

If there is one podcast we recommend listening to in the wake of what is going on globally, this is it.

We hope you will share it once you have listened to it.

Many have lost the ability to discuss topics they feel strongly about with someone who doesn't share their viewpoint without it turning ugly. Cancel culture, name-calling, fear of retribution, and lack of civility are alive and well. 

This lack of civility is dangerous because it doesn't encourage growth or moving forward. Instead, we become even more passionate about what we believe.

We don't have to agree with someone, but we can learn to communicate openly and safely that fosters understanding. We must teach our children how to do this as we want a world where our children can express themselves and allow others to do the same.

Our view of the world is shaped by what we have experienced, and we view those experiences as sacred. When those beliefs are attacked, it can feel very personal, which creates an emotional response.

When someone believes something different from us and presents that viewpoint, it creates internal feelings of conflict as we don't like having what we believe challenged. This is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance makes us feel uncomfortable when a different viewpoint is presented. There's inner turmoil to figure out where this person is coming from and why they believe what they believe, so often, it is easier not to wade into, but rather to become defensive and dismissive as we see it as a way to protect what we believe.

What parent doesn't want their child to feel comfortable coming to them and talking about sexuality and sex, what they believe (even if it's different than you), cause and movements, politics, and life-choices? If you haven't created a place where understanding can occur, these will not be productive conversations. Instead, these conversations could lead to a breakdown in relationships.

Effective Communication breaks down barriers and the emotional response we have, which allows us to get to a place where we can find solutions and understanding. Effective Communication will enable us to create a safe space to discuss difficult topics without it getting personal or argumentative. 

Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

 

Effective Communication shows us how to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Remember, you don't always have to agree with what they say. When you know where someone is coming from, you are more likely to find solutions and understanding. 

Let’s use Effective Communication to create connections instead of division. 

To learn more about Effective Communication, visit the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/

Successful adults are those who have learned how to be resilient. If you want your child to be successful in the future, you need to teach them how to be resilient.

Being resilient means helping them approach new situations and setbacks in positive, not negative, ways. 

Some things that resilient children do:

1. Communicate effectively. By expressing how they feel without anger or frustration and listening to others' viewpoints, they can find solutions that help them feel heard and valued.
2. Make healthy decisions. They can see the pros and cons of decisions, allowing them to make the best overall decision. So often, children have a hard time seeing all sides of a problem or a situation which often leads them to make poor choices or be swayed by outside influences. 
3. Take responsibility for their actions. No child wants to get in trouble, but those who can own up to mistakes and consequences of actions have an advantage as they grow and mature.

The free skills on SmarterParenting.com help parents teach these vital traits to their children. 

If you haven't checked out part 1 of this series, we recommend going back and listening to episode 167.