Explorez tous les épisodes de Soul Gum
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 12 Feb 2023 | Why Are We So Scared to Die? How Do We Get Less Scared? | 01:03:17 | |
Let’s talk about death, baby. Today we’re asking: Why are we so afraid to die? Are we 21st century humans any different than Gilgamesh (remember Gilgamesh)? Who’s the most afraid of death: baby boomers, millennials or Gen-Z? Should you freeze your brain in case future humans figure out how not to die? What’s death meditation? Can Victoria talk about her spiritual breakthrough without sounding unbearably woo woo? How do we get less afraid to die??? JUMP AROUND: I. disclaimers 0:37 II. what is death anxiety? 5:19 III. the paradox of being human (ernest becker) 8:09 IV. trying not to die across history (from gilgamesh to cryonics) 12:50 V. afterlife beliefs: then and now 17:13 ad break (are you proud of me or annoyed or both??) VI. demographic differences in fear of death 20:03 a. nationality 20:49 b. religion 24:15 c. age 26:27 VII. my experiences with death anxiety 30:37 a. fear of being buried alive 33:53 b. false memories related to death 37:22 c. fear of oblivion 39:02 d. spiritual crisis 41:51 ad break VIII. my experiences with death meditation 43:38 IX. my ego nap 51:44 SOURCES: definition of death anxiety: https://tinyurl.com/death-anxiety Collett-Lester Fear Of Death Scale (CL-FODS): Cuniah M, Bréchon G, Bailly N. Validation of the Revised Collett-Lester Fear of Death Scale in a French Population. https://tinyurl.com/4sp6rh5k re: the paradox of being human: The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker re: trying not to die across history: The Epic of Gilgamesh; cryonics (https://tinyurl.com/yckp6jsf); monkey testicle transplant (https://tinyurl.com/3w3svbtm) re: gen Z attitudes towards death: https://tinyurl.com/bdf2u9yx re: nationality and religious divides in attitudes towards death https://tinyurl.com/m6f9mepx; the Multidimensional Fear of Death Scale (MFODS; Hoelter, 1979; Neimeyer & Moore, 1994), DePaola, Griffin, Young, and Neimeyer (2003); Duff and Hong (1995); Alvarado, Templer, Bresler, & Thomson-Dobson, 1995) | |||
| 09 Mar 2025 | A 5-Step Guided Practice for a Season of Transformation | 00:56:25 | |
Don’t press play unless you’re ready for big change. This isn’t a normal podcast episode—it’s a guided practice designed to help you step into the next chapter of you with clarity and intention. Maybe you’re on the brink of a big life change. Or maybe you feel stuck and just know it's time for a shift. This episode will walk you through the five-step practice that completely changed my life. In it, we'll learn about the neuroscience of manifestation, do a guided meditation, journal, and come on the other side of the episode with a clear plan routing towards our dreams. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 08:13 Agenda 09:25 Plato's Cave Allegory 13:22 The neuroscience of manifestation 16:14 The reflection practice that changed my life 16:36 Step 1: Define your current chapter 20:37 Step 2: Define your next chapter 22:53 Step 3: Guided visualization meditation 37:32 Step 4: Journaling 38:26 4a. Reflect on the chapter that’s ending 40:56 4b. Set intentions for your next chapter 43:29 4c. Set SMAAART* goals 47:33 4d. Plan your trust-building week 52:23 Step 5: Believing MY LINKS
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| 29 Dec 2024 | 10 Things Your New Life Will Cost You | 00:48:00 | |
So you have a dream, huh? You're in the right place. You've probably heard this quote from the brilliant Brianna Wiest: Your new life will cost you your old one. Today we're diving into it. As someone who walked away from an old life for a new one this year, let me tell you - there are costs. In the past year, I have completely flipped my life on its head. I walked away from my job as an attorney to dive into the murky waters of creative work. This episode will discuss 10 things your new life will cost you. SHOW LINKS:
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| 23 Feb 2025 | Your Fear of Being Canceled is Hurting Your Art | 00:37:52 | |
Creatives, I’m looking at you. In today’s episode, I walk you through exactly how I lost my creative spark in the Internet’s sea of opinions and how I got it back. When did we forget that art is supposed to make us clutch our pearls? And how do we remember? If you want to stop praying to the altar of the comment section, this episode is for you. We’ll walk through 4 things that helped me start making chewy, brave art again. You owe it to yourself to stop sanitizing your art. This episode is a messy, raw field guide on how to do that—from another creative climbing out of the same boat. 00:00 Intro 02:09 Preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Let’s hang on tour! 02:44 Are vulnerability and nuance needed for good art? 03:13 Did video kill the radio star? Will IG poetry kill literary poetry? 04:04 Taylor Swift’s quill, fountain pen, glitter gel pen buckets of art 04:40 Sugarcoated self love: helpful or hurtful? 05:28 Should we think about the audience when we make art? 05:42 Rick Rubin & “the audience eats last” 06:20 Is social media tainting our intentions as artists? 08:13 Art as an offering vs. art as an outlet 08:33 How to gut your art of meaning 09:20 My own experience navigating this, good and bad 11:47 Should artists care about views and engagement? 12:27 Microwaving our art to keep pace with the algorithm 13:52 Having no haters is not a badge of honor 14:45 “Bad takes” vs “good takes” and the erasure of nuance 15:10 Moral imposter syndrome and curated vulnerability 16:55 The big, messy mistakes we don’t hear about 17:33 Stop sanitizing your art 17:57 Ellen Bass & art that makes you clutch your pearls 18:31 Relax by Ellen Bass 19:11 Art for likes versus art for thought 19:36 So how do we take our brains back? 19:59 Break - with a big surprise! 23:47 4 ways to take our creative spark back 23:57 1. Notice the voices in your head 24:57 2. Temper vulnerability with respect for your privacy 26:07 3. Create art with urgency 26:21 A Little Life & commodified art vs art for art’s sake 28:42 Mary Oliver on getting distracted from your art 30:55 4. Get off your phone 32:00 How to start a fire, literally & creatively 33:57 Your art misses you 35:34 I ♡ your thoughts 36:27 Challenge: make something scary this week 37:14 You are not out of good ideas MY LINKS
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| 12 Feb 2023 | "We're on a Floating Rock:" The Rise, Pros and Cons of Optimistic Nihilism | 01:05:25 | |
The floating rock mentality—nihilism with rose-colored glasses—is quickly becoming the zeitgeist of spiritually deconstructed young people. What is it? How did we get here? Cosmologically speaking, are we really just insignificant creatures on an insignificant floating rock? Is life meaningless? What are the pros and cons of believing that it is? Is optimistic nihilism going to turn you into Tyler Durden or Jobu Tupaki? What can we learn from Nietzsche, Albert Camus and Sisyphus? How do we find value in a potentially meaningless universe? Are spirituality and rationality mutually exclusive on this floating rock in space? JUMP AROUND I. intro II. disclaimers (2:37) III. floating rock mentality (6:48) a. what is it? (6:48) b. how did we get here? (9:37) c. is it true, literally & cosmologically speaking? (11:41) (ad break) IV. nietzsche and nihilist philosophy (21:24) a. sad early life (22:19) b. sad love life (23:58) c. nietzsche’s philosophical model (24:47) V. the pros of purposelessness (29:45) VI. the cons (35:27) a. will you turn into tyler durden/jobu tupaki? (36:57) b. volatile valuation of your own life (40:50) (ad break) V. finding value in a (possibly) meaningless universe (43:06) a. sisyphus (44:13) b. albert camus on sisyphus (absurdism) (44:47) VI. how does god fit into all of this? (50:25) a. pascal’s wager (51:22) b. choosing between purposelessness & spirituality (58:09) c. redefining spirituality (1:00:06) SOURCES & REFERENCES re: rise in disaffiliation from organized religion among Gen-Z and millennials: https://tinyurl.com/2p9d5474 re: size of the universe, super habitable planets, SETI Luyten B communications: https://tinyurl.com/3kmyy5av; https://tinyurl.com/3hdc8u8m; https://www.seti.org “Important” by Ian McConnell: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRGqbRHa/ Rhett McLoughlin spiritual deconstruction podcast episode: https://tinyurl.com/yytywu4c Re: biographical info about Nietzsche: https://tinyurl.com/ye28xbxe; https://tinyurl.com/2za4nsc4 Nietzsche referenced works: Human, All-too-Human (1878), The Gay Science (1882, second expanded edition 1887), On the Genealogy of Morality (1887) re: Lou Salome, Nietzsche’s love interest: https://tinyurl.com/5bvdymd7; https://tinyurl.com/5598dycu Fight Club (1999) directed by David Fincher; starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert; starring Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan and Stephanie Hsu The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus Pascal’s Wager: https://tinyurl.com/ftrrssth; https://tinyurl.com/7nkhw79b | |||
| 12 Jan 2025 | 10 Things about Dating I Wish I Knew in My 20s | 00:35:54 | |
This episode should be called ten HARD TO HEAR things about dating I wish I knew in my twenties because... oof. Buckle up. The dating scene in your twenties is the trenches. I wish I could go back in time and tell all this to younger me. It would save her so many hours and tears and good outfits on bad dates with people who don't like her. Instead, I'll tell you. I learned each of these lessons the hard way, but you don't have to! I present to you: 10 things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:20 Break 04:09 If they treat you like they don’t care, they don’t 06:41 Someone not liking you doesn't make them a catch 10:06 Running at the first sign of conflict isn’t a flex 13:21 If you’re attracted to games, you’re the problem 16:36 Stop seeking closure from your exes 19:05 Don’t date their potential 20:14 Being single rocks 23:05 Love is not all you need 23:36 You can’t make them stay if they want to go 30:58 You can’t scare away the right person 33:39 Lightning round recap LINKS: | |||
| 02 Mar 2025 | How to Get Over an Embarrassing Moment in 5 Steps | 00:42:44 | |
Admit it: you’re still thinking about that cringey thing you did 6 years ago. Maybe it was something you said. Something you did. Something that haunts you at 2 AM when your brain decides to rerun its most humiliating blooper reel. Today, we’re breaking down exactly how to move past an embarrassing moment in 5 steps. We’ll talk about why your brain refuses to let things go, how the spotlight effect makes you think people care way more than they actually do, and the five fastest ways to shake off the cringe and move on with your life. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:06 Preorder Make Believe! Come see me on tour! 02:44 Why do we feel embarrassment? 03:50 Embarrassment scale 03:57 Tier 1: slight cringe 05:07 Tier 2: mild cringe 07:07 Tier 3: proper humiliation 11:09 Tier 4: deep humiliation 13:29 Tier 5: existential humiliation 15:45 Jean Paul Sartre’s the gaze 17:50 The spotlight effect 18:44 Social media and the spotlight effect 19:30 5 tips for navigating embarrassing moments 19:3 6 Break - Book! Bali! Tour! 25:25 1. Remember the spotlight is not real 29:51 2. Call it out as it’s happening 32:49 3. Tell someone 34:27 4. Figure out the root 35:58 5. Own it and then move on 40:07 Challenge MY LINKS
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| 13 Apr 2025 | The Spiritual Implications of a Recession | 00:34:12 | |
The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession 03:45break 06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder 06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash 11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due 12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems 12:39 Hemline index 13:36 Moral panics during recessions 13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core 14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation 16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other 16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor 21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever 21:44 Lipstick index 22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator 23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions 23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator 24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion 25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal) 26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession 26:42 1. Other people are not your competition 27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems” 27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor 29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused 31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok | |||
| 30 Oct 2022 | Is the Self-Care Era Making Us Bad Friends? | 00:55:16 | |
Is friendship harder than dating or are we all just a little gay? Who did friendship labels better, Aristotle or the Myspace Top 8? Was Alexander Hamilton bi or were we just more comfy with deep friend love back then? How do you make friends as an adult? Is the self care era making us bad friends? Can you love yourself well and love your friends well at the same time? EPISODE SUMMARY I. WHY IS MAKING FRIENDS SO HARD?(2:34) a. no clear labels (3:22) i. the myspace top 8 - a fleeting moment of clarity (5:47) ii. aristotle's take on friendship labels (8:00) b. no hallpass for jealousy (14:34) i. alexander hamilton: bisexual or just comfy with friend love? (15:55) c. no roadmap for initiating friendships (20:38) d. we're all a little gay nowadays (24:05) II. HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS AS AN ADULT? (27:25) a. using the internet (28:05) b. get okay with pleasure-based friendships (31:00) c. be patient (32:07) d. emotional openness (32:56) e. following through (34:53) III. IS THE SELF CARE ERA MAKING US BAD FRIENDS? (36:33) a. 2 stories about flakiness (37:53) b. the self care over everything era (43:57) c. how can we love ourselves and our friends well at the same time? (46:40) SOURCES Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics Glennon Doyle, Untamed article re: Alexander Hamilton being bi: https://tinyurl.com/53328d5d self care tweet by @kevinfarzad: https://tinyurl.com/yrddpaw6 | |||
| 31 Mar 2025 | On Walt Whitman & Making Hopeful Art at a Time Like This | 00:41:57 | |
I’m thinking of someone. Guess who? They’re a trailblazing artist. LGBTQ-adjacent. A Gemini from Long Island. An artist trying to make sense of rapid technological change and political division. No, not Lady Gaga. Not RuPaul. Not Frank Ocean. Think older. Centuries older. Today we’re talking about the great American poet, Walt Whitman. Walt Whitman was born in 1819, but his world feels eerily familiar. His New York was reeling from technological change and caught in a web of political division. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore Whitman’s life—from his roots as a Brooklyn typesetter to his rise as the great American poet. We’ll unpack his most famous work, Leaves of Grass, and the ideas in it that scandalized entire towns. We’ll talk about the beauty of contradiction, the divinity of the mundane, and the radical interconnectedness of all things. We’ll ask: what does it mean to write about hope and unity at a Time Like This? If you’re questioning how your art (or your heart) fits into a collapsing society, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:56 Life Update: Tour! USA Today Bestseller! Bali? 05:32 Walt Whitman: a Long Island Gemini 06:03 1800s NY: Nationalism, populism, manifest destiny 07:52 Sound familiar? 09:02 Walt Whitman’s early life 10:11 Walt Whitman, the reluctant teacher 11:05 Walt Whitman, the starving artist 12:27 Walt Whitman does a social media detox 13:00 Walt Whitman emerges with a first draft 13:14 Leaves of Grass: not like other girls 14:00 1855 Walt Whitman is giving Woodstock 14:14 Publication expert level: just like us 14:44 Walt Whitman gets left on read 14:48 Enter: Ralph Waldo Emerson 15:54 Walt Whitman is his own cheerleader 17:47 Walt Whitman is as petty as the rest of us 18:22 Leaves of Grass starts to get legs 18:41 Leaves of Grass gets smuttier 18:57 Walt Whitman is not an angel 21:02 The Civil War changes everything 22:21 Leaves of Grass, an OG banned book 23:01 Walt Whitman’s legacy 24:03 Walt Whitman quotes that will change your brain chemistry 24:18 1. “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you” 25:07 My ego nap 25:59 2. “I am large, I contain multitudes” 26:39 The categorification of the human experience 27:10 you are not a cottagecore coastal grandma clean girl mob wife u are a spiritual being having a human experience 28:48 3. “The smallest sprout shows there really is no death” 31:09 4. “Do you guess I have some intricate purpose?” EPISODE LINKS • Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman • Stuff You Missed in History Class episode • My Writer’s Digest article on writing about hope MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
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| 19 Jan 2025 | The Spiritual Reason You Can't Focus | 00:35:32 | |
Your attention is sacred. It’s also for sale. Maybe the reason you can’t get off your phone or stop wasting your Saturdays streaming a show you’ll forget the moment you finish the last episode or do what you say you will isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s not because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s not because you haven’t locked in. Maybe the reason you can’t focus is bigger than you entirely. Today’s episode dives into the hidden reason we distract ourselves from our own lives and leaves you with 5 bite-sized ways to reclaim your brain. My fellow doomscrollers, rotters, and TikTok ban mourners: this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 02:18 The spiritual source of distraction 02:29 I. Nietzsche: staring into the abyss 03:43 II. Kierkegaard: sickness unto death 04:46 III. Victor Frankl: the search for meaning 08:04 IV. Kali yuga: the age of distraction 09:16 Enter: the attention economy 10:15 The Dorito theory 14:23 So what do we do about it? 14:31 5 steps to take back your focus 14:42 Break - with a surprise for you! 18:14 Step 1: the art of unitasking 23:05 Step 2: giving attention vs having it taken 25:14 Step 3: Dorito vs dinner list 26:48 Step 4: Dorito ritual 29:18 Step 5: Focus ritual 31:24 Lightning round recap MY LINKS:
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| 02 Feb 2025 | We're Drowning in Choices and It's Ruining Our Lives: The Paradox of Choice | 00:34:28 | |
We live in an age of seemingly infinite options. The internet has thousands of pages of search results for that thing you need to buy. Endless entertainment awaits on streaming platforms and social media. Dating apps offer a never-ending scroll of potential partners. So why does it feel impossible to find what we need? Why can’t you pick a movie to watch? Why is it harder than ever to find someone to love? This episodes discusses the paradox of choice: the idea that more choices often make us less happy. Is more less when it comes to choices? If so, how can we live happily in an age of infinite options? Let's talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 01:51 What is the paradox of choice? 02:37 Stanford jam study 06:12 Dating apps 07:10 Decision paralysis 08:53 Opportunity costs 09:13 Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory 12:08 Expectation inflation 15:05 So what do we do about it? 15:57 Break 21:01 Kierkegaard's leap of faith 22:10 The Midnight Library by Matt Haig 24:17 Nietzsche's amor fati 27:49 Satisficing 30:00 The next right thing MY LINKS:
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| 05 Jan 2025 | 8 Clues to Your Purpose | 00:31:39 | |
Feel like you’re meant for something more but can’t put your finger on what that “more” is? This episode is here to help. The bad news is: finding your purpose in a world full of distractions and expectations is hard. Like, super hard. The good news is: we’ve been struggling with this since the dawn of humanity, so lots of extremely smart people have piped up about it. Clues to your purpose are hiding in unexpected places. Today, we’ll explore 8 of those clues, as proposed by some of humanity’s greatest minds. Consider this episode a field guide out of your existential crisis. Brought to you by me: your friendly neighborhood lawyer-turned-creative, fresh out of the trenches of living someone else’s life. SHOW OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 03:14 If you're looking for your purpose, look for... 03:42 1. What you loved as a kid (Nietzsche) 06:31 2. What makes you jealous (Nietzsche) 10:15 3. What puts you into flow state (Csikszentmihalyi) 13:00 Break 15:56 4. What you see everywhere 16:32 The Invisible Gorilla Experiment 17:30 The Cocktail Party Effect 18:34 Attention as Devotion (Mary Oliver and Simone Weil) 19:00 5. What makes you uncomfortable (Carl Jung) 20:56 6. What connects you to the world (Bhagavad Gita) 23:30 7. What you want your purpose to be (Albert Camus) 26:36 8. Here and now (Alan Watts) 30:07 Lightning Round Summary MY LINKS:
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| 20 Apr 2025 | 8 Ways You’re Unknowingly Sabotaging Your Comeback Season | 00:32:30 | |
Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback 03:22 1. Believing you're behind 06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want 07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence 08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you 10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind 10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation 12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too 14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why 14:47 Nietzsche's will to power 15:20 Chasing superficial whys 17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes 19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear) 21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control 21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche) 23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now 24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner 25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start 26:30 Hiding in the planning phase 26:51 The confidence-competence loop 27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel 29:56 Lightning round recap 30:56 Give yourself some credit EPISODE LINKS Michigan State Study on accountability Study using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortex The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram | |||
| 30 Oct 2022 | How I Rediscovered Discipline Post-Diet Culture & Hustle Culture | 01:01:21 | |
Is discipline a dirty word in your book? Hustle culture and diet culture have turned a lot of us against discipline. Should discipline have a place in our lives post-hustle culture? How do you redirect your discipline towards your passions instead of your body and your job? How do you unplug from hustle culture without quitting your job/school? How do you remember your passions post-burnout? EPISODE SUMMARY: I. WHAT IS DISCIPLINE? (4:19) II. THE #GIRLBOSS ERA (7:02) a. post-2008 recession: lean in or lose your job (8:09) b. 2010s: hustle culture and glorification of overworking (11:04) c. 2014: rise of the #girlboss (15:38) d. mounting pressure to have a side hustle: MLMs and beyond (17:35) e. meanwhile, diet culture reigns supreme (18:26) III. BUT I DON'T WANNA BE A GIRLBOSS - THE FALL OF HUSTLE CULTURE (20:58) a. COVID, the great resignation and mass burnout (24:10) b. growing anti-diet culture sentiment (25:55) c. “soft living" trend / rejection of discipline (27:34) IV. TAKING BACK DISCIPLINE (31:22) a. my experience with burnout & rejecting discipline (31:52) b. what life without discipline actually looks like (38:37) c. non-hustle-y examples of discipline + reframing discipline as devotion (42:03) d. but what if I can’t unplug from hustle culture? I have a job lol (44:19) e. what if I don’t even remember who I am outside of work/school? (50:29) SOURCES: Merriam Webster (definitions of discipline and self-control) Brittanica (definition of will power) Re: discipline in the Spartan military (https://tinyurl.com/htb6sfrz/) Re: hours spent on work and school in the US (https://tinyurl.com/bdhn7wz9; https://tinyurl.com/yeykvhdp; National Center for Education Statistics from September 2006) Re: diet culture in the 2010s (https://tinyurl.com/2p5cbr89) Re: weird habits of tech CEOs (https://tinyurl.com/4uw5tduh) Re: Michelle Obama criticizing Lean In (https://tinyurl.com/yxruv83j) "I don’t wanna be a girl boss” tiktok by @mjwritess (*corrected username) (https://tinyurl.com/jtbj4zc4) Elon musk tweets (https://tinyurl.com/5bc272kc) | |||
| 26 Jan 2025 | 5 Types of Friendship Breakups & How to Get Through Them | 00:36:32 | |
Friend breakups hit different. They’re messy, heartbreaking, and rarely come with closure. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down five of the most common types of friendship breakups, why they happen, and how to survive them without losing your mind (or your faith in humanity). If you’ve ever mourned a friendship like it was a death, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 03:21 1. The Mutual Drift 04:18 Aristotle’s utility, pleasure and virtue friendships 06:46 Dunbar’s number: how many friendships can we maintain at once? 08:25 Carl Jung & making friends while wearing a mask 09:40 Mollenhorst’s social pruning study 10:06 Getting through a mutual drift 11:51 Break - with a surprise! 15:23 2. The One-Sided Slow Fade 17:00 How to get through it on the receiving end 19:09 What if you’re the one who’s fading away from a friend? 21:22 3. The Formal Breakup 23:38 How to break up with a friend ethically 24:47 Getting through a friend breaking up with you 25:34 4. The Blow Up 26:42 Sartre & conflict as a mirror of the self 27:44 Getting through a friendship blowing up 28:21 Hegel & conflict as an engine for growth 29:26 5. The Sudden Ghost 30:23 Getting through being ghosted by a friend 32:06 Lightning round recap 32:39 The peak-end rule 34:02 Journaling prompts for processing a friendship breakup 34:33 Poem: To Strangers I Used to Know MY LINKS | |||
| 16 Mar 2025 | 6 Warnings No One Gives You About Changing Your Life | 00:30:48 | |
We romanticize big life changes—quitting the job, moving to the dream city, chasing the thing we’ve always wanted. But big changes have big side effects. And if you don’t see them coming, they might just send you running back to the life you were trying to leave behind. In this episode, we’re breaking down six warnings I wish someone had told me before I changed everything. If you’re craving a big shift, let’s make sure you’re ready for it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:45 Life update + tour! 05:52 6 warnings about changing your life 06:14 1. It will not automatically make you happy 07:44 Harvard happiness study 08:34 The hedonic treadmill 9:54 2. You will have an identity crisis 10:12 Ship of Theseus 11:40 3. You’ll probably feel stuck 12:04 Diamond Example 13:12 Change happens at tipping points 15:31 4. It never stops feeling vulnerable 15:55 Asch conformity study 17:18 The neuroscience of fear & hope 19:43 It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed 22:33 5. There’s no magic pill 24:32 6. You’ll feel torn between who you were and who you’re becoming 24:52 Janus, the Roman god of transitions 27:18 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy • Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more • Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE! • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
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| 06 Apr 2025 | 5 Happiness Traps—and How to Break Free of Them | 00:40:04 | |
We all want to be happy—but so many of the ways we chase happiness actually leave us more disconnected, burnt out, or empty than before. In this episode, we’ll walk through five of the most common happiness traps: the things we do to feel better that often make us feel worse. Along the way, we’ll explore what Nietzsche, Marx, and modern Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek have to say about the pursuit of joy. Then, we’ll turn to one of the longest-running studies on happiness to ask the big question: when it comes to feeling good, what actually works? No one has the secret to happiness. But a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things that might help you feel better and access a little more joy. Let’s talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:18 Break 03:22 5 happiness traps 03:27 1. Overconsumption 06:00 Overconsumption starts with scarcity programming 07:11 Nietzsche & overconsumption as a way to fill the void 10:37 2. Chasing achievements 11:46 Slavoj Zizek and the duty to enjoy the grind 13:26“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everyone wants this.” 14:18 Superego injunction: “a million girls would kill to have this job” 15:22 On using a lack of happiness as fuel to grind 15:56 3. Comparison 18:11 Downward social comparison 22:12 4. Self- and symptom-focused spiritual practices 22:55 Marx on how economic systems shape values 23:28 Self-centered spirituality in the West 24:41 Spirituality as a bandaid vs a root cause solution (Zizek) 25:45 5. Isolation 27:03 The hyperindividualism crisis 28:00 We owe each other stuff 28:17 We want things from each other, and we should 28:23 Harlow’s monkey study on attachment 30:13 We’re living in our own worlds 31:28 So what DOES work? 31:57 Harvard happiness study 35:13 Challenge 36:19 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram | |||
| 16 Feb 2025 | The Confidence Code: 8 Shifts for Instant Growth | 00:36:00 | |
Confidence isn’t just something you have—it’s something you do. Today, we’re breaking down 8 small but powerful shifts that will instantly change how others see you and how you feel about yourself. These aren’t generic “believe in yourself” tips. These are super specific, research-backed tips that will instantly improve your confidence. We’re diving into original sources ranging from Plato’s the Republic to HBO’s Euphoria to ask: what does it mean to be a confident person? And how do you become one? If you want to show up in the next conversation you have as most magnetic, grounded, and comfy-in-your-skin version of yourself—this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 03:42 The philosophy of confidence 03:55 Plato’s virtue of the mean 05:30 Maddy from Euphoria on confidence 06:49 8 shifts for instant confidence 07:18 Break - with a surprise for you! 11:12 1. The power of the pause 13:35 2. Watch overactive listening 16:02 3. Open body language 18:29 4. Handshakes are hot 20:34 5. Rephrase mirrored questions 24:04 6. Slow blink rate 26:43 7. Watch upspeak 29:22 8. Call them by their name 32:32 Lightning round recap MY LINKS
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| 23 Mar 2025 | 7 Tiny Ways to Cultivate Awe | 00:28:42 | |
When was the last time you felt genuine awe? Not just happiness, not “that’s cool,” but deep, childlike wonder? In this episode, we explore 7 five-minutes-or-less practices that can help you feel more present, more alive, and more connected to the quiet magic all around you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:28 MAKE BELIEVE is out now 02:50 Come hang with me on tour? 03:51 7 tiny ways to cultivate awe 03:54 1. Look closely at ordinary nature 04:20 The goggles of habit 04:41 Walt Whitman: what is the grass? 05:27 Thich Nhat Hanh’s tangerine meditation 07:31 Rumi & the blurriness of separation 09:14 2. Look up 10:00 The benefits of tree gazing 10:29 Mary Oliver’s When I Am Among the Trees 11:48 3. Unitask music 11:55 Music used to be the main course 13:06 One song no multitasking challenge 13:29 Make an awe playlist 13:40 4. Make unsmall small talk 14:19 Martin Buber’s I-Thou vs I-It 15:50 Challenge: be aware during small talk 16:17 The sacred ground of connection 16:50 5. Remember pale blue dot 17:08 The Voyager photo 17:36 Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot 19:10 Pondering our tininess 21:04 6. Make an awe signal 22:21 7. Keep an awe list 22:43 The Zeigarnik Effect 24:53 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS • @boywaif post on the goggles of habit • Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman • Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh • Sometimes & When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver • Rumi (Coleman Bark’s Essential Rumi) MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram | |||