Sex Ed Before Bed (Rebecca Nava)

Wes Heney was born female. That is, he had the anatomic composition or body of a person most people would see as female. As Wes reached puberty, he grew breasts that he detested. He dressed like a guy and wanted to be treated as such. He sensed a profound disconnect between his body (anatomic sex) and who he felt he was - his gender identity.

In episode 4, Wes tells the unforgettable full story. I ask some basic questions about:

What's it like taking testosterone?  What kind of stigma did you encounter?  What was your transition process?

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Tri-Tachyon/Little_Lily_Swing/Tri-Tachyon_-_01_-_Little_Lily_Swing

So what does a sex therapist do?

Matthew Ridley is a Pre-Clinical Fellow with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and holds an M.Sc. from the University of Guelph in Couple and Family Therapy.

In episode 3, Matthew and I talk about how he provides queer and sex-positive sex therapy for couples and singles and address these questions and way, way more:

Is there a "normal" when it comes to sex? How can refuting ideas about how we think sex is supposed to be ignite our private lives? Is porn bad for you/your relationship?

Who knows? You might get some complimentary therapy along the way ;)

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Tri-Tachyon/Little_Lily_Swing/Tri-Tachyon_-_01_-_Little_Lily_Swing

Veronica is a social psychologist, and the owner of The Nookie, a downtown Toronto sensuality shop. V describes her escape from corporate life into value-based entrepreneurship, manifested in a sex shop that urges all genders to seek more pleasurable experiences. 

 

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Tri-Tachyon/Little_Lily_Swing/Tri-Tachyon_-_01_-_Little_Lily_Swing

Carly is a sex educator, she visits schools to teach Ontario’s relatively new sex education curriculum, launched in September 2015. Carly also remembers the old sex ed curriculum, you know, the one that hasn’t changed since 1998. That one. Carly talks about how the new curriculum is lightyears ahead of the old, the challenges she has with it, and what she enjoys about the work she does.

The theme song is Hungaria by Latché Swing. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Latch_Swing/demo_2008/Hungaria

Whitney Wilson manages the Domestic Violence Court Referral Program at The John Howard Society. When a person is charged with domestic violence, they might attend a program run by her to help them challenge their attitudes and behaviours. So what causes domestic violence? As Whitney explains, it has to do with upbringing but also the way society strictly defines masculinity. Most domestic violence offenders are male and, as she explains with eloquence, men don’t think they’re allowed to express negative emotions, aside from anger. As Whitney reveals, anger is a secondary emotion, it’s driven by something else. This is a fascinating analysis of how social constructs can factor into violence. It’s not all heavy. Hear the rehabilitative tactics Whitney uses to help clients amp up their empathy and unearth a deeper sense of what it means to “be a man”.

 

The theme song is Take Me Now by Nick Chapman. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Nick_Chapman/Wakka_Chikka_Wakka_Chikka_Volume_1/csr049_wcwc_01-nick-chapman_take-me-now

Karen B.K. Chan is a legendary sex educator in Toronto, Canada. For more than 20 years, she's been teaching youth, adults and couples about sex, sexuality and emotional intelligence, but I first learned about her when someone showed me a clip of her talking about consent. She was chill, funny, and gave her audience a lot of respect. I could see how her approach worked.

Consent is one of the main reasons I wanted to be a sexual educator and it was a privilege to talk about how vague and messy consent navigation is with someone so well versed in the topic.

Expect to hear a nuanced chat about:

- what does consent look like when you're drunk or high? - how to establish boundaries - rejection strategies - what emotional literacy looks like - what it's like for Karen to teach people who are homophobic or racist - strategies for confronting racism and homophobia in your own family or friend group

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

 

1 in 5 university-enrolled women will experience attempted or completed rape. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes - 10% are reported. 

A world without rape. A world where sexual violence is rare. This is the goal of Sara's work on Flip the Script, a new Canadian sexual assault prevention program for young cis and trans women to assess, acknowledge and act. This episode is a must-listen for every parent and every young woman. 

We talked about how the program works and the positive impact it has had so far. We talked about how young women want to have these conversations about setting boundaries, understanding coercion and pondering what pleasure looks like for them. 

We also talked about radical self-love and for women, trusting our gut! 

Resources We Chatted About 

Globe and Mail Article 

Draw The Line 

Loveisrespect.org

Sexual Assault Centres Near You 

Follow Sara's Work

Insta @girls.resist

Twitter @girls_resist

About Flip the Script

Sexual Assault Resistance Education (SARE) Centre

With great attraction comes great sex, forever, right? Not so much. 

Jessica Maxwell studies relationships and sex for a living. With Canadian roots, she's now an assistant professor at the University of Auckland. I learned things from her that I started applying to my own life as soon as the conversation ended.

Topics of discussion

• Sexual fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
• What factors play into long-term relationship satisfaction? 
• How often are people having sex?
• Who else is thinking about how often people are having sex?
• A neat quiz to tell your partner what you want in bed (or out of it)
• The Orgasm Gap 
• What's the best way to meet someone we're compatible with? 
• How scientific are dating apps? 
• Double standards & myths 

Fun Stuff

Sex preferences quiz | Mojo Upgrade 

Learn More 

• Jessica's website

List of researchers Jessica mentioned along with media coverage of their work: 

• Terri Fisher | LA Times | Who lies more about sex, men or women? 
• Sam Joel | The Cut | It's All Too Easy to Ignore Relationship Dealbreakers
• Amy Muise | Science Daily | Couples who have sex weekly are happiest 
• Lindsey Hick | Global News | Are you lying to yourself about how much sex you need in your relationship? 

   

A fascinating discussion with Rick Goodwin. Rick is a pioneer of Canadian programming for men who have experienced sexual and/or physical childhood abuse, the statistics and the impact are alarming to say the least. Rick relays two decades of experience in a concise way and we still found time to talk about #metoo, Netflix, the US military and more. 

Here's a snap of what you'll learn:

- When men experience trauma, how long do they tend to keep it secret?

- What is emotional integrity and why are more men interested in it now?

- How is #metoo impacting male survivors of sexual violence?

- How do ideas about Western masculinity foster a sense of shame for men?

- How does trauma impact the lives of men and the people around them and what can survivors do to start healing?

 

Links

Men and Healing

1in6

The Bristlecone Project

You might think you're pretty talented at walking. Or talking. Or touching yourself. I mean, you've been doing these things for years. You were "doin' it" with yourself before you were doin' it with anyone else, most likely. 

Masturbation is something that starts very early in life. Fetuses with penises in utero get erections and engage in self touch (source below). Childhood sexuality is a real thing, but there is a dearth of research on it, and very few books for children themselves to read, to help contextualize their experience. This is due to a pronounced stigma about the topic and an ongoing belief that children are innocent and nonsexual. This is a topic for another day. 

Okay, tangent aside, Caitlin Roberts is a savvy somatic sex educator; she helps people discover how to feel more pleasure using the knowledge that rests in their bodies. Recently she challenged herself to spend 30 minutes a day masturbating mindfully for 30 days - the results were explosive. What does it even mean to masturbate mindfully? Get ready to rethink all the ways you get jiggy, 'cause I sure did.

Caitlin schools me on:

 

- how mindful self-touch has changed her sexual and non-sexual life in a massive way

- the way we see masturbation as a means to an end

- the way we check out to get off and how to get back in touch with our touch

- how we focus on one spot while ignoring the sensations in so many others

- funky ways to explore your body in new ways now

 

Caitlin's also a porn mom, she runs a sweet alt-porn collective in Toronto called Spit. We talked about that little tiddy too, what alt-porn looks like and why you should consider paying for your porn. 

Caitlin's blog to be a slut. 

Source: Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, Fifth Canadian Edition by Spencer A. Rathus; Jeffrey S. Nevid; Lois Fichner-Rathus; Alexander McKay

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

In 2019, I traveled to South Africa and Namibia. While visiting Cape Town, I went on a Township Tour with Lele Mbinda and visited his hometown of Langa just outside Cape Town. Lele opened my eyes to not only how people live day to day in Langa, but also how sex is viewed by adults and youth. Heads up that this episode includes a discussion about rape. 

We talked about the following topics as they pertain to Langa Township: 

• the intersection of poverty, class, race, intergenerational differences and culture in how residents talk or rather, do not talk about sex
• the many obstacles to speaking openly about sex and asking questions
• dating for young people 
• the impact of menstruation on young women
• lack of awareness regarding harassment and rape
• suggestions for how to move forward and create more open dialogue 
• local perspectives on LGBTQ folk 
• STEM programming for youth
• The iThuba Project

Learn More 

The iThuba Project   Lele's Website  

Episode Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langa,_Cape_Town

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/teenage-pregnancy

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45889366

https://hivhealthclearinghouse.unesco.org/library/documents/sexuality-education-south-africa-three-essential-questions

 

 

 

   

 

 

Sex Myths Uncovered is a panel I was asked to host in Toronto. If you ever wanted to hear a complex, nuanced, high-level conversation about sex politics, this is it!

A groundbreaking, funny, frank conversation from five very distinct, brilliant vantage points.

We asked the public to submit questions in advance and answered them on air. 'Twas awesome!

Sex Myths Uncovered will unbox the mysteries, misunderstandings, and curiosities surrounding women’s sexual health. The conversations explore both the physiological and the psychological, with voices from the medical community, sex work activism and sexual health education. Panelists will share their experiences from the Toronto sex community and beyond, opening up the discussion with the audience at the end for a Q&A.

Panelists

Veronica Kazoleas, M.A, Founder of The Nookie // Veronica Kazoleas, M.A. is an award-winning social psychologist and former healthcare executive. @thenookieshop www.thenookieshop.com

Allison M. Dalby, RN, MN-NP (candidate) // Allison has worked in sexual health throughout her nearly nine-year career as a Registered Nurse.

Claire AH, Matchmaker, Sex and Dating Coach/Educator, Disability Advocate // Claire AH is a matchmaker for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, working with the Toronto LGBTQ+ community and the entire Hamilton population. www.ClaireAH.com Instagram: @claireahhhh

Ducky Doolittle, Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor & Pleasure-Based Sex Educator // Ducky is a Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor and a pleasure-based Sex Educator. @duckydoolittle https://www.facebook.com/duckydoolittle ohilikethis.com

Shriya Hari, Sexual Health Promoter/Community Based Researcher // Shriya Hari is an experienced community based researcher and sexual health promoter based in Toronto Ontario.@shareyournuance @asaaptoronto @kshyamasattic 

 

Sofia Fortin is the founder of the Happy Vagina Project. Her mission is to create connections between the art of sex, feminine woo woo and unleashing your inner awesome. Sofia is a certified sexuality coach and sex educator who is inspired to help women and men reconnect with their inner spark and reignite their love of life and their relationships. 

 

During this enlightening chat, Sofia breaks down what tantra actually is (it's not what you think) and she answers an important question: Does improving your sex life and raising your sexual confidence ripple outwards to other areas of life? 

 

Sofia answers this question through her own rocky road to sexual self-discovery. Her story will make you wonder if your sexual self-esteem and habits are at a 6 when they could be at a 10 and some tactics for finding your peak. She also talks about how new moms struggle with changes to their sexuality. 

 

Sofia offers coaching services for women and couples worldwide, you can learn more here. 

 

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

Jessica Ruano is the director of The Ghomeshi Effect, a dance-theatre performance about sexual violence and the legal system in Canada. 

This interview stayed with me long after I stopped recording. With the proliferation of #metoo narratives in the media, this conversation is a much-needed dissection of sexual violence from several vantage points. Jessica doesn't give quick and easy answers, instead, she approaches this murky issue meticulously, using stories and research to punctuate her points. 

Together, we grappled with these questions and more: 

• What kinds of people commit sexual violence?
• Are there good people and bad people? 
• Is it possible to reconcile our perception of a "good" person with something horrible they've done?
• Is it possible for someone who has raped someone else to atone for it and/or be forgiven? 
• How much do we want to exclude people who have committed such acts and with what goal in mind?
• Can or should a guilty person be brought back into a community? 
• Does ostracizing the guilty help the problem? 
• How common are false rape accusations, really?
• How can art heal survivors? 

Links

The Ghomeshi Effect

Hannah Gadsby's Nanette Trailer

Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women

Intro & Outro Music

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. 

On this episode, I partner with Vanessa and Maggie, hosts of 21 Questions, to speak with revered sex therapist and social worker, Angie Gunn. 

Angie addresses our questions about polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy, ripping apart misconceptions about people who practice it and how they practice it. She also shares the dramatic life events that led her to this profession and lifestyle. 

Hear tidbits on:

• the myriad ways consensual non-monogamy is practiced
• the discrimination polyamorists face
• establishing what you need from a relationship and how to set boundaries
• control and ownership in monogamous culture
• poly culture as primarily white and middle class
• how monogamous folk can be kinder to the poly community

Work with Angie

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696