Sex and Psychology Podcast (Dr. Justin Lehmiller)

For the first episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with two relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They are the founders of The Gottman Institute and they have been studying sex and relationships for decades. The Gottmans have published a number of influential academic papers and bestselling books, with their latest being Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

I cover a wide range of topics in my interview with the Gottmans, including:

• What is the biggest takeaway or most important thing you have learned from your research?
• What is the biggest myth or misconception about relationships?
• What is Eight Dates all about, and who is it for?
• Is believing in a “soulmate” a healthy way to approach relationships?
• The idea that sex needs to be or is “supposed’ to be romantic is very popular–but is it true?
• What can couples do to improve sexual communication in their relationships?
• Are the principles of relationship success similar for same-sex and different-sex couples?
• What do people in sexually open relationships need to know? What relationship advice would you offer them?

Enjoy, and be sure to check out the Gottmans’ new book, Eight Dates!

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a term that most people are familiar with. But when we hear about someone having ADHD, we tend to think about children and adolescents and how this disorder affects them at home or in school because most people who are diagnosed happen to be kids and there’s a widespread belief that people eventually “outgrow” ADHD.

The reality, however, is that most kids with ADHD become adults with ADHD. Also, there are a heck of a lot of adults out there with undiagnosed ADHD. So what are the implications of ADHD in adult life, especially in people’s personal lives? Does it impact the way they approach sex and relationships?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Dr. Ari Tuckman in order to learn more about how ADHD affects people’s intimate lives. Tuckman is a certified sex therapist and psychologist who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD and he just published his fourth book on the subject, which explores the various ways that ADHD affects people’s sexual and romantic lives. It’s called ADHD After Dark. In this episode of the podcast, we address a wide range of questions, including:

• How does ADHD affect one’s sex life?
• How does it impact a romantic relationship when one partner has ADHD and the other does not?
• Are there gender differences in the way ADHD affects people’s relationships? What about sexual orientation differences?
• What can couples do to combat the challenges that ADHD poses? How can persons with ADHD and their partners cultivate happier and healthier relationships?
• What is the link between ADHD and infidelity?
• Are persons with ADHD well suited for polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy?

Enjoy, and be sure to check out Tuckman’s book, ADHD After Dark.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

In this episode of the podcast, I interview Dr. Nan Wise, a cognitive neuroscientist, certified sex therapist, and Associate Research Professor at Rutgers University. Dr. Wise just published a fantastic new book titled “Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life.”

We cover a wide range of questions and topics, including:

• What exactly is “pleasure?”
• Why are we experiencing less pleasure today than we used to?
• How can we get more pleasure in our sex lives? Is the answer different for men and women?
• Dr. Wise has conducted neuroscience research on women’s orgasms. How does one go about studying this in the lab? Is it challenging to find participants who are willing to masturbate to orgasm in an fMRI machine? (The answer might surprise you!)
• What are the key things Dr. Wise has learned from the women in her research who were willing to “donate their orgasms to science?”

Enjoy, and be sure to check out Dr. Wise’s new book Why Good Sex Matters!

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

These are unprecedented times. Much of the world is currently living under lockdown conditions and practicing social distancing in order to curb the spread of the COVID-19 coronavirus. So how is this affecting people’s intimate lives? How are our sex lives and relationships holding up, and is there anything we can do to more effectively navigate this complex and challenging situation?

For the answers to these questions, I spoke to Dr. Lori Brotto, a Professor at the University of British Columbia, a practicing psychologist, and author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness. I asked Dr. Brotto what she has been seeing in her clinical practice since the pandemic began and how it’s different from usual.

According to Brotto, some of her clients are reporting more avoidance-related reasons for sex at the moment, meaning they’re more likely to report having sex in order to avoid a negative outcome rather than doing it because it’s what they truly want. Listen to the podcast to find out why that is.

We also address the following questions:

• What are some effective coping strategies for relieving stress and anxiety in order to pave the way for a more active and fulfilling intimate life during this challenging time?
• How do you successfully navigate singlehood in the era of social distancing?
• Some people under lockdown are in abusive or unhealthy relationships. How can they stay safe and find the help they need?
• What are the potential silver linings of this situation? How can we utilize this time to explore our sexuality and develop a new intimacy with our partners?

Enjoy, and be sure to check out Dr. Brotto’s latest book Better Sex Through Mindfulness!

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Lockdowns and “social distancing” guidelines are changing our intimate lives in major ways. For example, one of the things we’re seeing in our own research is that people are increasingly turning to sextech, such as by engaging in more sexting and cybersex. In fact, many adults are reporting trying these things for the very first time.

In order to explore the various ways that people are leveraging sextech right now, I spoke to two experts in this area: Dr. Erin Watson and Tasha Falconer. In this episode of the podcast, we tackle a wide range of topics, including:

• How are people’s sex lives different in this era of social distancing, and how is sextech helping us to cope?
• If you’re new to sexting, what do you need to know to feel more comfortable and confident?
• How can sexting and sextech help us to learn more about ourselves?
• A lot of people are worried that the more sextech we incorporate in our lives, the more disconnected we’ll become from each other—but is that necessarily the case? How can sextech help to connect us at an even deeper level?
• More people are sending nudes right now, so we also talk about the psychology of dick pics: Why do so many men send them unsolicited? How is this behavior different for gay vs. straight men? And what do guys need to know if they’re thinking about sending photos of their genitals to others to ensure it’s done in a consensual and ethical way?
• How can we build better sex and dating apps?

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

What are the most common sexual fantasies in America? Where do our fantasies come from, and what do they say about us? And how can we communicate more effectively with our partners about our fantasies?

In order to answer these questions, I conducted the largest and most comprehensive study of sexual fantasies ever in the United States. I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans from all 50 states ranging in age from 18-87 and wrote a book about the nature of sexual fantasies in the U.S. today, titled Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.

In this episode of the podcast, I describe some of the key things I learned from this research, while also telling you the story behind the book (it was a long process!). I also share how writing this book completely changed my life.

I’m excited to announce that the paperback edition of Tell Me What You Want comes out this month and is available for purchase through Amazon and your favorite booksellers. I’m offering some bonus materials to those who order the paperback edition, including an extra chapter that delves into the psychology behind some of the less common sexual fantasies, as well as some fun infographics. Learn more and claim your bonus here.

Tell Me What You Want is also available as an e-book and an audiobook (narrated by yours truly—and I talk about what the experience of narrating an audiobook was like in this week’s podcast). I’m also pleased to say that there is now an interactive exhibit based on this book showing at the Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas, so if you ever happen to find yourself out that way in the future, but sure to check it out!. For a behind-the-scenes look at the exhibit, check out my Instagram page.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. 

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

One of the most common relationship problems that drives couples to therapy is a sexual desire discrepancy, where one partner wants more sex than the other. In fact, about 1 in 4 people report having experienced this in the past year alone. This can be a longstanding pattern or issue in a relationship, but it can also emerge when one partner loses desire over time. So how do you deal with this situation effectively?

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Lyndsey Harper, an Ob/Gyn at the Texas A&M College of Medicine and founder of the new mobile app Rosy. Dr. Harper developed Rosy as a tool to help women who are dealing with low sexual desire and desire discrepancies. Low sexual desire is the single most common sexual difficulty reported by women, with about 1 in 3 women reporting it in the last year. Low sexual desire is less common among men, but still prevalent: specifically, it’s reported by about 1 in 7 men in the past year.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What are the factors that influence sexual desire, and how are they similar or different for men and women?
• Why are desire discrepancies so common in long-term relationships?
• What is the role of medication in treating low sexual desire? Can pharmaceuticals help to fix a loss of desire?
• How can technology (including mobile apps like Rosy and telehealth services) help people deal with desire problems?
• We also talk about some of the most common myths and misconceptions people believe about sex and sexual desire.

To learn more about Dr. Harper, see here. To learn more about Rosy or to download the app, see here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

People have a tendency to assume that those who are kinky and/or polyamorous must have sexual communication all figured out. However, just like anyone else, they face their own set of sexual and relationship problems—problems that sometimes require professional help.

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Shamyra Howard, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker based in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and author of the book Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom. Shamyra specializes in treating clients who have sexual and relationship identities that fall outside of the mainstream, including LGBTQ+ persons, those who are into kinky or BDSM sex, and those who identify as polyamorous.

This is one of my favorite episodes I’ve recorded so far, and we cover a lot of ground, including:

• What are the main issues that prompt people with kinky/BDSM interests to seek sex therapy?
• How do you negotiate boundaries and consent in the BDSM scene?
• What is “race play” and how do people cope with anxieties around eroticizing racial dynamics?
• How do people who enjoy dominant-submissive dynamics in their sexual encounters create balance in their day-to-day relationships if they only desire those dynamics in a sexual context?
• What are the main issues the prompt people in open, polyamorous, or swinging relationship to seek sex therapy?
• How do you manage jealousy in a consensually non-monogamous relationship?
• Why is it important for people who are polyamorous to find time for themselves?
• What kind of training do sex therapists get when it comes to kink/BDSM and consensual non-monogamy?
• How does one find a therapist or professional who is kink- and/or polyamory-affirming?

To learn more about Shamyra Howard, check out her website (On the Green Couch) here or follow her on Instagram or Facebook @SexologistShamyra.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

In the United States, the marriage rate is near a record low, and 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Research has also found that rates of marital satisfaction have declined over time. In short, fewer people are getting married, those who do aren’t as happy as married couples in the past, and a heck of a lot of these relationships just won’t work out. So why is that? Why are relationships so hard?

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Roger Nygard about his recent documentary and book The Truth About Marriage, which examines how we can all make our relationships happier. Nygard is an accomplished filmmaker who has directed TV series such as “The Office” and “The Bernie Mac Show,” and he has edited Emmy-nominated episodes of “Who is America?” “VEEP,” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” For his documentary, he interviewed a number of sex and relationship researchers and therapists to get the answers, including previous podcast guests Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• Why are relationships and marriages so difficult? Why do so many of us have trouble finding lasting long-term happiness?
• How can we improve our relationships, according to the experts?
• What is the role of sex in relationships? How important is it, really?
• How often should couples have sex?
• What is the role of humor in attraction and relationships?

In addition, we talk about the work Roger does on some of my favorite television shows!

To learn more about Roger Nygard and his documentary, check out his website here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Cuckolding is a sexual practice in which someone is aroused by the idea of watching or listening while their partner has sex with another person—and it’s a surprisingly popular sexual interest. In the survey of 4,175 Americans’ sexual fantasies I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that 52% of heterosexual men and 66% of gay and bisexual men had fantasized about this before. In addition, 26% of heterosexual women and 42% of lesbian and bisexual women reported having had this fantasy at least once. So why is cuckolding so popular?

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with sex therapist Dr. David Ley, who has literally written THE book on cuckolding, titled Insatiable Wives. He and I have also collaborated on a scientific study about cuckolding (co-authored with sex advice columnist Dan Savage), which was recently published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Dr. Ley is a clinical psychologist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he directs a large behavioral health and substance abuse outpatient program. He is also one of the media’s go-to experts on all things sex.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What does a typical cuckolding scenario look like?
• What’s the difference between cuckolding and “hotwifing?”
• Why are so many people drawn to cuckolding in the first place? Why do some find this idea incredibly erotic, whereas others find it to be threatening?
• Why is there a political link to cuckolding—specifically, why do conservative men seem to fantasize about the idea more than their liberal counterparts?
• What has research revealed about cuckolding in same-sex relationships?
• Why is research on cuckolding so controversial?
• What’s the future of cuckolding, especially as norms surrounding relationships and marriage continue to evolve?

To learn more about Dr. Ley’s work and writings, check out his website here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

There is a common tendency to think about sex as simply a person-to-person interaction. However, this view overlooks the fact that sexual identity, attraction, and behavior are all influenced by broader social and cultural systems—and these systems can have a profound impact on the way sexuality is expressed by creating power imbalances, stigma, and shame. As a result, when we talk about sex, we can’t just talk about it as if it exists in a vacuum. We need to acknowledge the systems that shape it and talk about the ways in which justice is and isn’t being served.

I’ve been itching to explore this topic on the podcast and I couldn’t think of a better guest than sex therapist Shadeen Francis, a licensed psychotherapist, media personality, and author whose work spans the domains of sex therapy, emotional intelligence, and social justice. Shadeen is committed to helping people live lives full of peace and pleasure, and her work has been featured extensively in the media.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What does “social justice” mean in the context of sex therapy? Why is it important for us to talk about social justice when we talk about sex?
• How is our approach to training sex therapists failing us when it comes to pursuing social justice, and what can we do about this?
• What does the term “normal” really mean when it comes to sex, and why is it important for us to redefine it?
• What is “race play” and why are some people turned on by the idea of eroticizing power differentials in the first place?
• What happens when people’s personal or moral values are in conflict with their sexual turn-ons? How do we reduce shame and guilt over our sexual fantasies?
• How do our political backgrounds and leanings shape our sexual fantasies and the way we feel about them?
• How can putting social justice front and center in sex therapy help us all to lead more pleasurable and fulfilling sex lives?

To learn more about Shadeen’s work, check out her website here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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There are a lot of stereotypes about disabled persons, but one of the biggest is that they are necessarily asexual. However, that’s just not true. Disabled people have sexual wants and needs. They masturbate. They have sex. But almost no one talks about this. Sex and disability is a taboo topic that’s been on the margins for far too long, and we need to change that.

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Andrew Gurza, an award winning Disability Awareness Consultant. He has spoken all over the world on sex and disability and he is the host of Disability After Dark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories. Andrew is also developing a line of sex toys for persons with hand limitations designed to “put sexual pleasure within everyone’s reach.”

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• Why is sex and disability such a taboo topic in the first place, and why is it important for us to break that taboo? How can all of us benefit from shining a light on this subject?
• How is our healthcare system failing us when it comes to addressing the sexual health needs of disabled persons, and how do we change that?
• What are the conversations we need to be having around sex and intellectual disabilities?
• How is sex and disability viewed in other cultures? What can we learn from them?
• When and how do you disclose a disability to a potential sexual or romantic partner?
• If a potential partner discloses a disability to you, what types of questions and responses are appropriate? Which ones are inappropriate?
• How is SexTech changing the conversations we’re having about sex and disability? How is technology improving the intimate lives of disabled persons?

To learn more about Andrew’s work, check out his website here. Also, you can learn about his new line of sex toys here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

In sexual encounters between men and women, research has consistently found that there’s a sizable orgasm gap, such that men tend to reach orgasm with far greater frequency than their female partners. For example, when people reflect on their sexual experience over the past month, heterosexual men report orgasming 95% of the time, compared to just 65% of the time for heterosexual women. Interestingly, however, there’s no difference in orgasm rates when comparing gay men to lesbians, suggesting that this situation is unique to situations where women are having sex with men.

So why does the orgasm gap exist in the first place? And what can we do to close it?

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Laurie Mintz, who has studied the orgasm gap extensively. In addition to running a sex therapy practice for individuals and couples, Dr. Mintz is a professor and sexuality educator at the University of Florida. She is a prolific researcher and author, having published more than 50 academic journal articles and two books, with her latest being Becoming Cliterate.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• Where does the orgasm gap come from?
• What steps can we take to help close this gap?
• How does a lack of comprehensive sex education contribute to the orgasm gap and to some of the most common sexual problems people experience?
• How does one know when it’s time to consult a sex therapist?
• What are the biggest myths and misconceptions people have about sex?
• Is it really true that women reach their sexual “peak” later than men?
• Is it really true that sex is a more emotional experience for women but a more physical experience for men?

To learn more about Laurie’s work and books, check out her website here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. In fact, when I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their biggest turn-ons for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that threesomes were the single most common thing people mentioned when they described their favorite fantasy of all time. However, despite the widespread appeal of this sex act, relatively few people have ever had one in real life.

But just how many people have ever had a threesome before? What were their experiences like? And what do people who are thinking about having a threeway need to know?

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Ryan Scoats, who is often reported in the media as being the first person in the world to get a “PhD in threesomes.” He is currently a Lecturer in Sociology at Coventry University, and his latest book is titled Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• Why is there so little scientific research on threesomes, and why is this important to study in the first place?
• Why is the idea of having a threesome such a popular turn-on?
• How many people have ever had a threesome before? Are certain types of people more likely to have them than others?
• Why do women tend to report less interest in threesomes than men? Under what circumstances are women most interested in group sex?
• What are people’s experiences with threesomes actually like? And what are the most common issues that tend to come up?
• What happens after a threesome?
• What do people who are thinking about having a threesome need to know in order to increase the odds of a positive and pleasurable experience for all involved?

To learn more about Ryan’s work, check out his website here. You can also pick up a copy of his book Understanding Threesomes here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

In the eyes of many, pornography is inherently problematic. In fact, some have gone as far as to dub it a “public health crisis” because they see it as addictive and as one of the root causes of sexual violence. But is porn really such a major threat to individuals and to society?

It turns out that science has a complex and nuanced story to tell about the effects of porn. It’s not inherently good or bad. It can have different effects on different people, and it’s important for us to understand when and for whom porn is potentially problematic, as well as for whom it has positive effects.

In this episode of the podcast, I explore the science of porn with Dr. Emily Rothman, a Professor of Community Health Sciences at the Boston University School of Public Health. She has authored more than 100 peer-reviewed publications and is the co-creator of a curriculum for high school students about pornography that is used by sex educators and health teachers from around the world. She also has a forthcoming book titled “Pornography and Public Health.”

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What is the link between porn and sexual violence? And what accounts for the fact that different studies have come to wildly different conclusions?
• How does porn affect teenagers? What are the potential positive and negative effects?
• Is pornography addictive?
• What do we need to be teaching adolescents about porn? What do parents need to know? And why is “porn literacy” so important?
• What is it like to be a porn researcher? And how do you communicate effectively about the science of porn to the public?
• What do we need to do to improve porn research going forward?

To learn more about Dr. Rothman’s work, check out her university website here and watch her TED Talk on how porn changes the way that teens think about sex here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book Pornography and Public Health!

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

A lot of people seem to be under the impression that men’s sexuality is simple. They see men as being perpetually horny and DTF and as always wanting more sex than women. They also tend to see sex as an inherently physical experience for men, having little do with emotions or intimacy. However, it turns out that this way of thinking about men and sex is all wrong.

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, who holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the University of Guelph and is a Registered Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in Winnipeg, Manitoba. She is author of the book “Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, & Relationships.”

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• Is men’s sexuality as simple as we’ve been led to believe? Is women’s sexuality more “complex” or “complicated” than men’s?
• Do men have a higher sex drive than women?
• What factors influence libido and sexual desire in men?
• Is sex a more emotional experience for women than it is for men?
• Why do so many couples struggle with sexual initiation? What are some tips or strategies that can help when it comes to initiating sex?
• What do we know about sexual desire in gay, bisexual, and other sexual minority men? Are the sexual struggles and challenges they face similar to or different from those experienced by heterosexual men?

To learn more about Sarah’s work, check out her website here. You can also pick up a copy of her book Not Always in the Mood here.

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Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Interest in polyamory is on the rise. Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have increased significantly over the last decade. Although interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions about polyamory abound, including the idea that it’s all about sex and that people who are polyamorous “just can’t commit.” It’s time to set the record straight.

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist and certified sexuality educator who teaches at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga. Dr. Sheff’s research focuses on gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, as well as kink and BDSM—and she is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children. In fact, her Polyamorous Family Study which spans more than 2 decades is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. She has authored multiple books on the subject, including The Polyamorists Next Door and Children in Polyamorous Families.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What does it mean to be “polyamorous?”
• How many people are in polyamorous relationships or are practicing other forms of consensual non-monogamy?
• What are the most common things that people get wrong about polyamory?
• How do children fare in families where the parents are polyamorous? What are some of the unique advantages and challenges they might face?
• Is it really true that jealousy doesn’t exist in polyamorous relationships?
• What is “compersion,” and is it possible to experience both compersion and jealousy at the same time?
• What is it like to be an expert witness on cases dealing with sexual and relationship diversity? (This is fascinating!!)
• How do you know if polyamory or consensual non-monogamy is right for you?

To learn more about Elisabeth’s work, check out her website here. Also, be sure to check out her books, The Polyamorists Next Door and Children in Polyamorous Families, and visit The Bonding Project to take Elisabeth’s scientifically-backed test of relationship styles.

***

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

As a sex educator, one of the topics I get asked about most often is anal sex. This isn’t surprising, given that this subject usually isn’t discussed at all in most people’s sex education courses—and, if it is, it’s usually just described as a very high-risk activity. Also, if you look for information online, you’ll inevitably encounter a lot of conflicting reports and it can be hard to know what to trust. So what do you really need to know? What do people tend to get wrong about anal sex, and how can you have safer and more pleasurable encounters?

For this episode of the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Evan Goldstein, who is the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a leading private practice specializing in an elite standard of sexual health and wellness care for the modern gay man. He is also the founder of Future Method, a sexual wellness company bringing science into anal sexual health. We had a wide-ranging discussion about all things anal, and this episode is for anyone—regardless of gender or sexuality—who has explored or is interested in exploring this activity.

Topics covered in this episode include:

• How many people are having anal sex?
• Why do so many people find anal stimulation to be pleasurable? Also, what do we know about prostate-induced orgasms?
• Does anal sex really cause long-term damage to the body?
• What’s the difference between the anal sex you see in porn compared to what it’s like in real life?
• Is it normal for anal sex to be painful?
• How can you make anal sex a safer and more pleasurable experience?
• What do people need to know about anal douching? Is it necessary? And what’s the safest way to do it?

To learn more about Dr. Goldstein and his work, check out his medical practice here. Also, be sure to check out his Future Method products, designed for science-backed sexual wellness.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Kissing is one of the most common sexual and romantic activities, and it’s often people’s very first partnered sexual experience. Surprisingly, though, kissing is something that is rarely studied by sex researchers—and when it is, it’s often lumped in with affectionate behaviors, like cuddling and hand-holding, rather than sexual behaviors. So what do we know about kissing? For example, what is it that makes a kiss good or bad? And can science teach us how to become better kissers?

In this episode of the podcast, I did a deep dive into the science of kissing with Dr. Ashley Thompson, who is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Minnesota Duluth. She has published more than 40 academic papers on sexual and romantic relationships spanning a wide range of topics, including infidelity, consensual non-monogamy, gender, kissing, and more.

Questions addressed in this episode include:

• How often do people in romantic relationships kiss on average?
• When do people usually have their very first kiss? And how do they tend to look back on that experience? Does it make us smile—or cringe?
• Why do we kiss? What are the primary motivations for kissing, and how do they differ across gender and personality?
• How important is kissing, and what are the potential benefits of it?
• Is the first kiss in a relationship really a make-or-break moment, as it is so often depicted in the media? How important is that first kiss, really?
• What makes a kiss good? What makes a kiss bad?
• Can you learn to become a better kisser? What does science tell us about good kissing?

To learn more about Dr. Thompson and her work, check out her website here. Also, be sure to follow her on Twitter @psycashley.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

For most of us, our experience with sex education centered primarily around preventing sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, with pleasure being mentioned rarely or not at all. In other words, few of us ever learn anything meaningful about how to have good sex. We also don’t typically learn how sex might change with age, or how to deal with common sexual difficulties. Fortunately, the Sex and Psychology podcast is here to give you the sex ed that you definitely didn’t get in school!

For this episode, I interviewed journalist Michael Castleman, who has covered sex research and therapy extensively in his 46-year writing career. He has written more than 2,000 magazine and web articles, answered more than 12,000 sex questions, and published 17 books, which—together—have sold more than 2 million copies. His latest book is titled Sizzling Sex for Life. Michael is a wealth of knowledge about all things sex, and we cover a lot of ground in this episode.

Topics we explore include:

• What do people at different stages of life (young adults, middle-age adults, and seniors) need to know in order to have better sex?
• How do you start productive and healthy conversations about sex with your partner(s)? How do you tell a partner what you really want in bed?
• How can sexual enhancers and novelties—sex toys, lubricants, sexy underwear, and more—make our sex lives better?
• What do LGBTQ+ folks need to know about better sex? And what can lesbians teach all of us about great sex?
• Why do so many seniors explore kink for the first time in older age? How does BDSM help people cope with chronic illnesses?
• What is the average penis size, and does penis size really matter?
• Is it normal for people in relationships to masturbate?
• What are the most common questions and concerns people have about sex?

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Ever hear that story about how Victorian-era doctors were using vibrators on female patients who had been diagnosed with “hysteria?” That used to be one of my favorite stories to tell in my human sexuality class. However, it turns out that the story isn’t true. It’s time to learn the real history of the vibrator—and sex toys more generally.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist. She is the author of Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, and she is currently working on a book on the history of gigolos. We had a fascinating, wide-ranging conversation all about the past, present, and future of sex toys. This is one episode you definitely don’t want to miss!

Here’s a sampling of what you’ll learn in this episode:

• How long have humans been using sex toys? What’s the earliest known sex toy in existence?
• Did you know that butt plugs were once marketed as a cure for asthma? (Seriously—I’m not joking!)
• What’s the real story of the history of the vibrator?
• Did you know that selling and possessing sex toys was illegal in many U.S. states until very recently—and that it’s still illegal to sell sex toys in one state? (You’ll have to listen to find out which one!)
• How do sex toys vary across cultures?
• How are sex toys going to change in the future?
• Can women really get “addicted” to their vibrators?
• Is it safe to share sex toys?

Toward the end, we also talk a little about what Hallie has learned from studying the history of gigolos.

To learn more about Hallie and her work, check out her website here, and be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Buzz, to learn more about the “stimulating” history of sex toys.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Bisexuality continues to be one of the most misunderstood and controversial sexualities. Some people don’t think it exists at all and that it’s just a transitional identity people adopt before coming out as gay. Also, even among those who recognize that bisexuality exists, many believe things about it that aren’t true, such as the idea that bisexuality necessarily means equal attraction to men and women, or that bisexuals can only be attracted to partners within the gender binary. It’s time to bust some myths about bisexuality.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Zachary Zane, a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, lifestyle, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He has a sex advice column at Men’s Health titled “Sexplain It” and his work has been published in Rolling Stone, The Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, and more. He also has a weekly newsletter, titled BOYSLUT, where he writes erotic essays.

In this episode, we talk all things bisexuality. We also discuss the taboos around sex toys for men and answer sex questions submitted by my Instagram followers. Things you’ll learn include:

• What does it really mean to be bisexual?
• What’s the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?
• What are the most common things people (and popular media portrayals) get wrong about bisexuality?
• How can bisexual people better navigate relationships in the face of bisexual stigma?
• How are bisexuals viewed within the LGBTQ+ community, and how can we increase bisexual acceptance?
• How do we break the taboo around sex toys for men? For men who are new to using sex toys, where’s a good place to start?
• Is simultaneous orgasm a realistic goal during sex?
• How can you tell if someone is flirting versus just being friendly?
• Why is pegging so popular?

To learn more about Zach and his work, check out his website here, where you can subscribe to his newsletter and keep up with his latest writings.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

Imagine there was a drug you could take to enhance your relationship or deepen your connection with your partner. Or a drug that could get rid of romantic jealousy. Or a drug that could help you move on faster after a traumatic breakup. This isn’t science fiction—these drugs are out there, and they just might be the future of falling in and out of love.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I interviewed Brian Earp, who is the Associate Director of the Yale-Hastings Program in Ethics and Health Policy at Yale University and The Hastings Center. He is also a Research Fellow in the Uehiro Centre for Practical Ethics at the University of Oxford and author of the incredible book Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships.

We had an absolutely fascinating discussion about love drugs (chemicals that enhance bonds between partners) and anti-love drugs (chemicals that break bonds), and all of the ethical and other implications of using medications to regulate our relationships and breakups. Questions we answer include:

• What is love? And what is the biochemical basis for it?
• How can MDMA (the active ingredient in ecstasy) help struggling partners? Could it (and should it) play a role in couple’s therapy?
• What does jealousy have in common with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)? And can common OCD treatments help people to get rid of pathological jealousy in relationships?
• How do you maintain your authentic self if you’re using drugs to facilitate connections with a partner? Should you change yourself to fit your relationship, or change your relationship to fit you?
• How can drugs help us to get over bad breakups? What are the implications of numbing ourselves to relationship trauma?
• Can drugs help people who are in love with an abusive partner to break the bond and exit a toxic situation?
• Should drugs be used to regulate “deviant” sexual desires and “hypersexual” behavior? Is this helpful or harmful?
• Will drugs be used to impose a certain sexual or relationship morality on people? What are the ethical implications of all of this?

To learn more about Brian and his work, follow him on Twitter and be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos and book covers used with guest permission.

What really takes place behind the scenes on an adult film set? What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat? Journalist Tracy-Clark Flory has the answers. In her lengthy career covering the sex beat in the popular media, she’s gone where few of us have gone before—and she’s learned a lot about the state of our current sexual culture.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Tracy to talk about her new memoir, titled Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire. Tracy is a senior staff writer at Jezebel and her writings on sex have been published all over in the media.

Topics we cover in this episode include:

• How did being a sex writer influence the relationship Tracy had with her parents?
• What was the experience of finding her father’s porn like as a teenage girl? And how do boys and girls differ in their emotional reactions to finding a parent’s porn?
• What has the public reaction been to Tracy sharing the most intimate details of her sex life in her writings, and how has this changed over time?
• How can women navigate the complex mixed-messages our culture provides around women and sex?
• What really happens behind the scenes on a porn set? What kinds of things do people tend to get wrong about how porn actually works?
• What is it like to attend an orgasmic meditation retreat?
• How has being a sex writer affected Tracy’s own sex life and relationships?

To learn more about Tracy and her work, visit her website and be sure to pick up a copy of her new book, Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey Into the Heart of Desire.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What actually goes on at a sex research conference? A lot of people seem to have the impression that it’s just a non-stop sex party. I hate to disappoint, but that’s not the case! I’m going lift the curtain and tell you what really goes on when a group of sex researchers get together.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Shayna Skakoon-Sparling. Shayna is a postdoctoral fellow at Ryerson University who studies sexual health decision-making and sexual negotiation. Shayna and I have been going to sex research conferences together for years and, in this episode, we give you a behind the scenes look at what these events are really like. We also discuss Shayna’s research on how sexual arousal affects the kinds of decisions that people make, sexually and otherwise.

Topics we cover include:

• What is a meeting of sex researchers really like?
• How are the sex lives of sex researchers similar to or different from the general population?
• What kinds of things will you hear about at a sex research conference that you won’t hear anywhere else?
• What are some of the most fascinating things we’ve learned by going to these conferences, and how have these meetings impacted our careers?
• How does sexual arousal affect sexual decision making? Also, how does arousal affect non-sexual decisions, including the moves that people make in a card game?
• How do you stimulate sexual arousal in a research lab anyway?
• How does a partner’s level of physical attractiveness affect people’s willingness to use (or not use) condoms?

To learn more about Shayna and her work, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @shaynagram

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. 

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For her doctoral dissertation, Dr. Katherine Frank worked as a dancer in several strip clubs and interviewed the regulars. As a student of anthropology, it was important for her to “do as the natives do” and really immerse herself in that environment to truly understand it. And what she learned is absolutely fascinating.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Frank to give you an inside look at her research, what really happens inside a strip club, and what the people visiting these establishments are really looking for. In the first half of the program, we discuss her dissertation work and the book she published based on it, titled G-Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Sexual Desire. In the second half, we discuss her recent research on group sex, which she explored in the book Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex.

Topics we cover include:

• Who are the men who visit strip clubs? What are their backgrounds like, and why are they visiting these clubs in the first place? (Hint: It’s about far more than sexual arousal!)
• How did working in these clubs change the way that Dr. Frank views the customers?
• How challenging is it to do a university-approved study that involves working inside a strip club?
• Is it really true that ovulating strippers get more tips than women on hormonal contraceptives?
• Why is group sex such a popular fantasy and how many people have ever done it in real life?
• How does consent work in an orgy?
• For people interested in group sex, what do they need to know when it comes to having safe and pleasurable experiences?

To learn more about Dr. Frank and her work, visit her website and be sure to check out her books G-Strings and Sympathy and Plays Well in Groups.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Much has been said and written in the popular media about ‘hookup culture’ and the rise of casual sex. Trend pieces often portray casual sex as inherently damaging and bad for our mental health. But is this actually the case? How does casual sex really affect us? And what do you need to know when it comes to having good casual sex?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, speaker, writer, and consultant. She currently teaches human sexuality courses at New York University and also runs a course called Open Smarter, which helps people figure out what type of relationship is right for them based on science. In the first half of the program, we talk about Zhana’s research on casual sex, and in the second half, we discuss monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, and everything in between.

Topics we cover include:

• What does it mean to have ‘casual sex’ anyway? What are the different forms it can take?
• How many people are having casual sex, and is this increasing or decreasing?
• How does casual sex affect us, for better or for worse?
• Is casual sex really as ‘casual’ as the name implies, or are people looking for more than just sex?
• How can people have better casual sex?
• How do you know whether monogamy or non-monogamy is right for you?
• When and for whom is it a good idea to consider opening up a relationship?
• If you’re thinking about opening up your relationship or exploring the world of consensual non-monogamy, what do you need to know to start out on the right foot?

To learn more about Zhana and her Open Smarter course, check out her website here.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

People have a tendency to think that the best sex of their life is in the past—it’s the sex they had when they were younger. So when people think about what their sex lives will look like in the future, they don’t necessarily see themselves as having much to look forward to. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can—and often does—get better with age. So what do you need to know when it comes to having great sex for your entire life?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with author Tracey Cox. Tracey has been writing about sex for 30 years and has published 16 books, with her latest being Great Sex Starts at 50. She has been everywhere in the media, she writes a regular column for MailOnline, and she hosts a weekly radio show. Tracey also has her own line of sex toys with Lovehoney.

We talk about how to cultivate good habits in the bedroom to keep your sex life hot for decades to come. We also address common sexual issues that arise and how to deal with them effectively.

Specific topics we cover include:

• How can sex get even better as we get older?
• How do you start conversations about sex with your partner—and keep them going over time?
• Why should we stop thinking about orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex?
• How do you deal with body image issues that negatively impact your sex life?
• How do you get the spark back in your relationship when passion declines?
• Why is monogamy harder on women’s libido than it is on men’s?
• How do you deal with common sexual problems that arise with age (e.g., vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction)?
• How can using sex toys transform your sex life?
• How do you deal with a sexless marriage or relationship?

To learn more about Tracey, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Great Sex Starts at 50.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Dr. Ian Kerner is the Sherlock Holmes of sex—he’s a detective who helps people to understand the mysteries behind their sexual problems. His approach to sex therapy begins with a simple question: “So tell me about the last time you had sex.” This question establishes the “scene of the crime,” and then it all becomes a matter of searching for the clues that led up to it.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Kerner, who co-leads the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City. He is the New York Times best-selling author of the book She Comes First, and his latest book titled: So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

We talk all about Dr. Kerner’s unique approach to sex therapy, how people at home can use it as a form of self-help, and general tips for improving your intimate life.

Specific topics we cover include:

• How is sex therapy like a form of detective work? And how can this approach help sex therapists to better serve their clients?
• How can you better understand your own—and our partner’s—sexual scripts, and why is this a vital first step in fixing a sexual problem?
• What are the different frameworks for sexual desire? And what can you do if you and your partner have different desire frameworks?
• How is sex therapy similar or different with heterosexual patients compared to LGBTQ patients?
• Why is it important for us to change the way we think about our own sexual fantasies?
• How can you more effectively communicate about your fantasies with a partner?

To learn more about Dr. Kerner, check out his website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted our sexual and romantic lives in a lot of different ways over the last year, and while some of the changes that occurred are temporary, others may stick around for years to come. So what’s in store for sex and relationships in the future, post-COVID world?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Jessica Pels and Dr. Amanda Gesselman. Jessica is the Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan, the largest young women’s media brand in the world. She oversees the content and editorial operations for Cosmopolitan’s magazine, website, and social media. Amanda is the Associate Director for Research at The Kinsey Institute and she researches new trends in the romantic and sexual lives of adults around the world, as well as how technology can be used to facilitate meaningful connections.

Cosmopolitan recently partnered with the Kinsey Institute to survey more than 2,000 Americans about the future of sex and relationships after COVID. The results are fascinating and were published in the April issue of Cosmo. In this episode, we explore the story behind this unique research collaboration and key findings from the survey.

Some of the topics we cover include:

• Why are so many people suddenly prioritizing committed relationships over casual sex? Will this trend persist?
• How has the nature of online dating changed during the pandemic, and what will online dating look like in the future?
• How has this pandemic changed communication around sexual risk, and will this situation ultimately lead us to have safer sex in the future?
• How did people in relationships fare during the pandemic?
• How has COVID-19 shifted people’s attitudes toward both infidelity and consensual non-monogamy?
• Why were so many people experimenting with their sexuality during the pandemic? What’s the psychology behind this, and what does it mean for our sex lives going forward?

To learn more about the findings from this survey, visit Cosmo’s website or check out the latest issue. You can also follow @Jessica_Pels and @angesselman on Twitter to learn more about their work.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual difficulties are more common than you might think. In fact, data from large nationally-representative surveys indicate that just over half of women and more than 40% of men report having experienced at least one sexual problem in the last year alone. The most common problem areas include issues with desire, arousal, orgasm, painful intercourse, and performance anxiety. So how fixable are these problems, and how are they most effectively treated?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus. She is the cofounder and clinical director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, the largest independent women’s sexual health center in the United States. For twenty years, she has overseen the treatment of thousands of women ages 18-81. Her latest book is titled Sex Points: Reclaim Your Sex Life With the Revolutionary Multi-Point System.

We talk all about the novel system she created to help women understand where they are in their sex lives. We also discuss how everyone—at any age, in any situation—can have better sex.

Some of the topics we cover include:

• Why are vibrators “the most underutilized tool in women’s sexual arsenal?”

• Why do we need to get away from the idea that we can fix every sexual problem simply by taking the right pill?

• What does it really mean to have great sex?

• What are the most effective treatments for low sexual desire and/or arousal?

• How do you treat problems with painful sex?

• What can be done for people who have difficulty orgasming, or who have never had an orgasm before?

• How do you deal with sexual anxiety effectively?

To learn more about Bat Sheva, check out her website here. Also, be sure to pick up a copy of her latest book, Sex Points.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does sex and relationship therapy look like for LGBTQ patients? What are the main issues that come up, and how are they similar to or different from the issues that arise in therapy with cisgender, heterosexual clients?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Thomas Whitfield, a sex therapist, educator, and researcher based in New York City whose work focuses on the LGBTQ population. Thomas is one of the co-hosts of the podcast The Obsessables and he has a YouTube channel called Sh*t They Won’t Tell You in Sex Ed.

We talked all about common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with LGBTQ persons, as well as maintaining sexual health for sexual minorities.

Some of the topics we cover include:

• What are the main issues that prompt LGBTQ persons to seek sex therapy?

• How do you help a client who may be struggling with internalized homophobia?

• What are the main issues that arise in LGBTQ couple’s therapy?

• What are the unique issues that come up in sex therapy with bisexual persons?

• What is PrEP and how does it work to prevent HIV? Also, how does being on PrEP impact psychology and sexual behavior?

• What do lesbian and bisexual women need to know about maintaining good sexual health?

• How do you have productive and healthy conversions with a partner about STD status?

To learn more about Thomas, visit his website here and be sure to check out his YouTube channel.

***

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, feelings of passion tend to be really intense in the beginning, but typically decrease over time. As a result, one of the most common questions people ask about relationships is how to get that spark back—and keep it going.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Amy Muise, an Assistant Professor at York University in Toronto, Canada who studies how couples can maintain sexual desire and satisfaction over time.

We talked about the key things Amy has learned through her research, including how to keep passion alive, how to deal effectively with sexual disagreements, whether having more sex would make you happier, why cuddling after sex is good for your relationship, and so much more.

Some of the topics we cover include:

• How can engaging in “self-expanding” activities help couples get the spark back in their relationship?

• Why is being motivated to meet your partner’s sexual needs crucial to maintaining passion?

• What happens when one partner consistently wants more sex than the other? How do you bridge a sexual divide like this?

• What does it mean to “positively reject” a partner’s request for sex? How do you turn down sex in a positive way?

• Are couples who have more sex necessarily happier than couples who have less sex?

• How much does what you do after sex matter?

• How often do people in relationships fantasize about ex-partners, and what does this mean for their relationships?

To learn more about Amy, visit her website here and follow her on Twitter @AmyMuise.

***

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex is a topic that is all too often neglected in the doctor’s office. That’s unfortunate because our health affects our sex lives and, at the same time, our sex lives affect our health. We need to open the lines of sexual communication in medical settings so that we can help people to lead happier, healthier lives both in and out of the bedroom.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Michael Moreno. Dr Moreno is a family medicine physician of nearly 25 years. He is author of the New York Times Best-Selling 17 Day Diet book series and host of the Podcast WELLNESS INC. His work focuses on encouraging and sustaining positive lifestyle change.

This episode offers a physician’s perspective on sex. Some of the topics we cover include:

• What is the role of a healthy lifestyle in having a good sex life?
• Why do we need to stop looking for a pill to fix every sexual problem?
• How much training do physicians actually get in sexual medicine?
• How can we make medical offices a more comfortable environment for discussing sex for doctors and patients alike?
• What are the most common sexual health issues that come up in the doctor’s office?
• Why are so many young men today reporting erectile difficulties to their doctors?
• How often are sexual problems based in skewed perceptions of what’s “normal” when it comes to sex?

To learn more about Dr. Moreno, visit his website here and check out his 17 Day Diet book.

***

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is how to open up a monogamous relationship. People ask about this for a wide range of reasons. For example, some folks have always wanted to do it, but never knew quite how to go about it. Others just want to try something new and different, or find the idea exciting. Yet others are in long-distance relationships and seeking to provide a sexual outlet. So what do you need to know if you’re thinking about giving this a try?

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with certified sex therapist Martha Kauppi. Her private practice in Madison, Wisconsin, specializes in complex relational therapy, sex issues, and family structures. She is the founding director of the Institute for Relational Intimacy and author of the new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• What draws people to open and polyamorous relationships in the first place?
• How does having an open relationship tend to work out?
• What are the questions you need to ask yourself if you’re thinking about opening up your relationship?
• What are the key things you need to discuss with your partner before opening up?
• What goes into a successful relationship agreement, and how do you make an agreement you can actually stick to?
• What is “new relationship energy” and why is this a double-edged sword in open and polyamorous relationships?
• What are the most common problems that arise in open relationships, and how do you deal with them?
• What if you open up your relationship, but one partner wants to go back to being monogamous and the other doesn’t?

To learn more about Martha, visit her website here and be sure to check out her new book, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What does an affair really look like? What do people do, say, and feel when they cheat on a romantic partner? And why do so many people commit infidelity in the first place? In this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, we take you inside an affair.

I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, who is a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist by training, who studies topics relating to attraction and dating, romantic relationships, sexuality, and dreaming.

Dylan has published an extensive body of research on infidelity, and we dive into some of the key things he has discovered, including:

• What counts as “cheating” anyway?
• How common is infidelity?
• What are the main reasons why people cheat? And do those reasons vary across men and women?
• What are the most common intimate behaviors that take place during an affair? Are affairs really all about sex?
• How often do affairs lead to breakup?
• How is infidelity similar or different in same-sex vs. mixed sex relationships?
• Is there ever anything positive than can come out of an affair?

To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Where do our dreams come from? And what, if anything, do they actually mean? As someone who is a very vivid dreamer every single night, I have always been curious to learn more about the psychology of dreaming (including our sex dreams), so I invited a dream expert onto the podcast to explore what the science actually says.

For this episode, I interviewed Dr. Dylan Selterman, a senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland. He is a social and personality psychologist who has published several studies on the topic of dreaming.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• Why do we dream in the first place? Does dreaming serve a purpose?
• How many times per night do we dream, and what are the most common dream themes?
• How often do people dream about sex, and why do some people dream about it more than others?
• Do sexual and romantic dreams reflect our waking experiences?
• How do dreams influence behavior in waking life, including how we feel about our partners?
• What do we know about lucid dreams (dreams where you recognize that you’re in a dream)?
• What do our dreams mean? And is there any value in analyzing them?
• Is there any truth to Freud’s theories on dreaming?

To learn more about Dylan, follow him on Twitter at @seltermosby and check out his Psychology Today blog titled The Resistance Hypothesis.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Is it really true that having a greater number of sexual partners necessarily means you have a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections (STDs)? Nope! It turns out that a lot of the things we think we know about STDs are just plain wrong, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the surprising secrets of STDs.

I interviewed Dr. Ina Park, an associate professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. She is also a Medical Consultant at the Division of STD Prevention at the CDC, and Medical Director of the California Prevention Training Center. She is author of the new book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• The conventional wisdom is that STDs are caused by promiscuity—but is it really the case that having more partners necessarily translates to greater risk?
• Is everyone equally vulnerable to STDs? Do some people have more natural immunity?
• How does STD contact tracing work, and what kinds of reactions do people tend to have when a contact tracer informs them that they might have an STD?
• Potential contestants on The Bachelor are screened for STDs before coming on the show, and a positive result is the most common reason for disqualification; however, a lot of people receive false positives because certain tests have low accuracy rates. So is this a good idea or a bad idea?
• Can an STD really ‘highjack’ your brain and change your sexual behavior to facilitate viral transmission?
• How do our constantly evolving sexual practices affect STDs?
• What’s the connection between pubic hair grooming and STDs?
• Are online dating apps responsible for increasing rates of STDs?
• How do you have effective conversations with a sex or dating partner about STDs?

To learn more about Ina, visit her website at inapark.net and check out her new book Strange Bedfellows!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Although sex, dating, and relationships can bring us great joy, they also have a very dark side. For example, people sometimes lie or deceive others in order to have sex. And in dating and relationships, jealousy sometimes turns into violence. So why do these things happen in the first place? And what can we do to prevent them?

I interviewed Dr. David Buss, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on strategies of human mating and is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His latest book is titled When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why is sexual deception so common in the world of dating? What are the deeper roots behind this behavior, and what can we do about it?
• How many people in relationships cultivate “back-up mates” in case things don’t work out with their current partner? Why is this behavior so common?
• Why are we often drawn to partners with “dark” personality traits, such as narcissism?
• Why is jealousy “the most dangerous emotion?” If jealousy causes so many negative effects, is it really an adaptive emotion?
• Why is it important to consider evolutionary perspectives on human sexuality? Can adopting an evolutionary perspective help us to prevent sexual harassment and violence?

To learn more about David, visit his website and check out his new book When Men Behave Badly.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It is often said that the most important decision you make in your life is who you decide to have a relationship with—yet most of us are never really taught anything about how to make this decision. As a result, we typically learn how to navigate relationships through trial and error, but there are usually a lot of errors along the way! That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about boosting your relationship IQ by revealing the secrets of relationship success.

I interviewed relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski. He is a Professor at Monmouth University and author of the new book Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How believing in the idea of a “soul mate” holds us back from finding relationship happiness.
• Why it’s OK—and healthy—to be a little bit selfish in your relationship.
• How too much closeness in your relationship can push you and your partner apart.
• Why you shouldn’t tell your partner, “if you love me, you’ll change.”
• How going for a partner who is way more attractive than you can produce a less stable relationship.
• Why it’s important to embrace disagreement and conflict in your relationship.
• Why breakups usually aren’t as bad as we think they’re going to be—and how to move on after a relationship ends.

To learn more about Gary, visit his website and check out his new book Stronger Than You Think.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Getting into a relationship is much easier than getting out of one. People have a tendency to slide into relationships without putting in a lot of thought. But when it comes to getting out of a relationship, people may deliberate for months, perhaps years—decades even. So why is that?

This episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about how we make relationship decisions. I interviewed Dr. Samantha Joel, an Assistant Professor at Western University. Her research examines how people make the decisions that grow or break apart their romantic relationships. Sam has a fascinating body of work that I am so excited to share with you!

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Can computer programs predict who we’re going to be attracted to before we ever even meet someone? Can these programs also predict which relationships are going to stand the test of time?
• What are the factors that predict relationship happiness? What predicts when couples decide to break up?
• Are people more afraid of missing out on an opportunity for love or being rejected?
• Why do so many of us have such a hard time rejecting romantic prospects who aren’t a good match for us?
• Is having sex with an ex-partner a good or bad idea? Does ex-sex prevent you from moving on?
• Why is it easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one?
• What happens when a couple decides to open up their relationship? Does it change the quality of that relationship over time?

To learn more about Sam, visit her website and follow her on Twitter @datingdecisions

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

People’s interest in polyamory is growing. For example, Google trends reveal that searches related to polyamory have risen significantly over the last decade. However, while interest is climbing, myths and misconceptions abound, which is why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast offers a deep dive into the world of polyamory.

I interviewed Dr. Heath Schechinger. He is a Counseling Psychologist at the University of California Berkeley and also maintains a private practice. Heath is the Founding Co-Chair of the Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy within Division 44 of the American Psychological Association, and he is the Co-Founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Who’s into polyamory and what are the different “shapes” that a polyamorous relationship might take?
• What is “solo polyamory” and how does it work?
• What are the unique benefits of consensual non-monogamy? What are the unique benefits of monogamy?
• If you’re polyamorous and seeking relationship counseling, how do you go about finding an affirming therapist?
• What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with polyamorous clients?
• If you’re curious about exploring polyamory, what do you need to know? If you’re polyamorous, what do you need to know about maintaining healthy relationships?
• What’s the future of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy? Will we eventually have legal recognition of multi-partner relationships?

To learn more about Heath and his work, visit his websites at drheathschechinger.com and polyamorylegal.org

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a lot of things people get wrong about kink, including the idea it’s inherently rooted in trauma and mental illness, that it’s abusive, and that kinky people can’t develop healthy relationships. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast is all about the science of kink, BDSM, and fetishes!

I interviewed Dr. Richard Sprott, who studies identity development, health, and well-being in alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships. He currently teaches at California State University, East Bay and he is co-author of the book Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What’s the difference between kink, BDSM, and fetishes anyway?
• How common are kinky sexual interests?
• What is the link between kink and mental health?
• What’s the truth about how kink and sexual trauma are connected?
• In what ways can kink be healthy, or even therapeutic?
• Where do kinky sexual interests come from? Do they run in families?
• Do kinky sexual interests change with age?
• How should we think about kink—is it a sexual orientation or a leisure activity?

To learn more about Richard and his work, visit tashra.org

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Marriage is hard. And, in many ways, it’s harder today than it was in the past because what we’re asking of our partners now is so dramatically different than it was before. Whereas marriage used to be about meeting basic survival needs, it’s become more about self-actualization. And so if we want to understand how to make the institution of marriage better, we have to look at it in the context of our ever-changing needs and expectations. That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about the science of marriage and how to cultivate happier and healthier marriages.

I interviewed Dr. Eli Finkel, a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He is also the author of one of my favorite books, The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How and why have our expectations for marriage changed over the last century?
• How do we manage conflicting needs in our relationships, such as the need for excitement and surprise vs. the need for stability and security?
• Can opening up a monogamous marriage help to save it?
• How has the pandemic shaped marriage and relationships, for better or for worse?
• How can we make marriage better? What can you do to keep it healthy and strong?
• Should we be asking less of our partners?
• How do you keep sex healthy and hot in a long-term relationship?

To learn more about Eli and his work, visit his website at elifinkel.com and check out his book, The All-or-Nothing Marriage.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. 

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

May is Masturbation Month, so let’s talk self-pleasure! Masturbation is a topic that has long been shrouded by secrecy and shame, and it’s well past time that we bust the harmful myths, break the taboo, and normalize self-pleasure.

For this episode of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, I spoke with Marie Aoyama, who works in the Global Marketing Department for TENGA, a Japanese-based sexual health and wellness brand enabling users around the world to celebrate self-pleasure with its innovative and diverse sex and masturbation toys.

TENGA recently released their 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, which was based on a representative survey of 1,000 American adults aged 18-54. This survey offers important insights into masturbation attitudes and practices in the United States today, as well as how they have changed during the COVID-19 pandemic.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, including:

• How did self-pleasure change over the last year?
• Why was there a bigger drop in masturbation for women than there was for men during the pandemic?
• What do people actually do when they masturbate?
• When people fantasize during masturbation, who and what are they most likely to think about?
• What are the benefits of self-pleasure, and why should we think of it as a form of self-care?
• If people had to give up either sex or masturbation for a month, which one do you think they’d choose? (The answer may surprise you!)
• How many people are comfortable talking openly about masturbation? And what do we need to do to break the taboos surrounding self-pleasure?

To learn more about the key findings from TENGA’s 2021 Self-Pleasure Report, see here.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. 

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It’s time to reimagine sex education and start giving people the sex ed they need—and deserve. So what should that look like? That’s the subject of my latest podcast with special guest Dr. Kristen Mark. We talk all about the sex ed that does and doesn’t work and explore tips on cultivating happier and healthier sex lives and relationships, including how to keep the spark alive and how to work through sexual trauma.

Dr. Mark is the Joycelyn Elders Endowed Chair and Professor in Sexual Health Education at the Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. She is also a sex and relationship researcher and therapist, and an AASECT certified sex educator.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does sex education look like around the world? Which models work, and which ones don’t?
• Beyond reducing STIs and unwanted pregnancies, how can better sex education make society healthier overall?
• Why should pleasure be a central focus of sex ed?
• How can people in long-term relationships keep the spark alive?
• What should you do if you and your partner want different amounts of sex? How do you bridge that divide?
• How can bisexual people cultivate healthy relationships in the face of bisexual stigma?
• How do you cultivate a satisfying sex life if you have a history of sexual trauma?

To learn more about Kristen and her work, visit her website at kristenmark.com and follow her on Twitter @Kristen_Mark

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Testosterone is one of the most misunderstood and maligned hormones in the human body. It gets blamed for toxic masculinity, sexual assault, aggression, and more. That’s why this episode of the Sex and Psychology podcast covers what you really need to know about testosterone and how it affects us.

I spoke with Dr. Carole Hooven, who is a lecturer and codirector of undergraduate studies in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University. She earned her PhD at Harvard, studying sex differences and testosterone, and has taught there ever since. Dr. Hooven is the author of the fascinating new book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• To what extent are sex differences a product of hormones and biology vs. socialization?
• How does testosterone affect sexual behavior in men and women?
• What can transgender persons taking hormone therapy teach us about how testosterone affects all of us?
• What is the link between testosterone and sexual orientation?
• Does abstaining from masturbation really increase testosterone in men?
• How can a more scientifically informed understanding of testosterone benefit all of us?

To learn more about Carole and her work, follow her on Twitter @hoovlet and check out her latest book T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Everyone’s brain is a little different when it comes to sex—and understanding how your sexual brain works is one of the keys to unlocking more pleasure and improving your sex life. That’s why this episode is all about the brain mechanisms that underlie sexual response, and it’s going to change the way that you think about sex.

I interviewed Emily Nagoski, the New York Times bestselling author of the books Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook. She is also co-author of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She combines sex education and stress education in her work to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What is the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response and why is it crucial to understanding our own sexuality?
• Why do many people (but especially women) sometimes experience a disconnect between genital arousal and psychological arousal?
• What’s the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire?
• What can people do to boost sexual desire? And is there any role for medication in this?
• How can you better manage stress so that it doesn’t kill desire?
• What are some practical ways to improve your body image? And how can changing the way you see yourself give your sex life a boost?

To learn more about Emily and her work, visit her website at emilynagoski.com and check out her books Come As You Are, The Come As You Are Workbook, and Burnout.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Divorce sucks. It can suck away your time and energy, your money, and, in some cases, even your will to live. So is there anything you can do to “divorce-proof” your relationship and avoid this kind of pain? And if you’re going through a divorce, how do you put the pieces back together and move forward in a healthy way?

For the answers, I spoke with Dr. Patrick Markey, a Professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at Villanova University. He is co-author of the new book F*ck Divorce: A Science Based Guide to Piecing Yourself Back Together After Your Life Implodes. We talked all about Patrick’s new book and dug into some of his fascinating research on human sexuality.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How do you cope with the stress of divorce and breakup? What should (and shouldn’t) you do?
• How do you most effectively support a friend or family member who is going through a divorce?
• When should you stay on good terms with an ex vs. cut them out of your life completely?
• How do you navigate divorce where there are kids in the picture?
• When is the right time to get back on the dating scene, and how do you start over in a healthy way?
• What can you do to reduce the risk of future divorce?
• How does our interest in sex change throughout the year? Why is sexual desire seasonal?
• How do our sexual interests change following political elections? (This is fascinating!)

To learn more about Patrick and his work, follow him on Twitter @patmarkey and check out his new book co-authored with Dr. Erica Slotter, F*ck Divorce.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why do humans have sex? To many, the answer to this question might seem obvious—but the truth is that our reasons for sex are many and varied, and some of the reasons people cite might very well surprise you!

For this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Cindy Meston, a Professor of Clinical Psychology and Director of the Female Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas at Austin. She has studied humans’ motivations for sex extensively and is the author of the book Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between).

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What are the most common reasons humans have sex?
• What are the least common reasons?
• How do reasons for sex differ across men and women?
• Do our reasons for sex change as we age?
• Why is it that genital arousal and psychological arousal don’t always line up? And what does this mean?
• What effect does Viagra have in women? Are there any women for whom it can offer therapeutic benefits?
• How does sexual arousal change sexual decision-making?
• How do you build and maintain a career studying sex when there’s very little research funding for it?

To learn more about Cindy and her work, visit her website at mestonlab.com and check out her book, Why Women Have Sex!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When did college “hookup culture” actually begin? Who is it helping, and who is it hurting? And what can people today do to navigate hookup culture and casual sex in healthy ways?

For the answers to these questions, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Wade, an associate professor of sociology and gender and sexuality studies at Tulane University. She is also the author of the book, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does the term “hookup culture” actually mean?
• When did college hookup culture first begin?
• Who is hookup culture helping? Who is it hurting?
• What does hookup culture look like for the LGBTQ+ community?
• How can young adults more successfully navigate hookup culture?
• How do you have good and healthy casual sex?
• How has the COVID-19 pandemic changed hookup culture?

To learn more about Lisa and her work, visit her website at lisa-wade.com and check out her book, American Hookup.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Do people from different cultures have different sexual fantasies? Or are there common threads that run through our fantasy worlds? As someone who studies fantasies, these are questions that have long interested me—and now I have some answers!

During my recent study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam, I met the author of the largest study of erotic fantasies in the Netherlands. He traveled to festivals with a caravan and interviewed hundreds of people about their sexual turn-ons. Needless to say, I had to do a podcast with him!

My guest today is Lucas De Man, an artist, TV host, and CEO of the company New Heroes. In collaboration with psychologist Mariëlle de Goede, he published a book titled Yes, Please! about his work on Dutch sex fantasies, which they are currently expanding to include a worldwide audience.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How do you get people to open up about their sexual fantasies during an interview? And how can you be sure they’re being honest?
• What do our sexual fantasies tell us about ourselves?
• How are sexual fantasies similar around the world? How are they different?
• Why do Americans seem to be more into cuckolding than Europeans?
• Where do our sexual fantasies come from?
• What happens when celebrities share their sexual fantasies in front of a live audience? How do you get them to open up, and how does the audience typically respond?

Learn more about Lucas here.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever heard that there are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, or that the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis? These statements appear as facts in countless social media posts, news articles, and books. There’s just one problem with them, though—they’re wrong. It turns out that so many of the things we think we know about sex and that we hear repeated over and over just aren’t true.

That’s why this episode of the podcast is all about what we don’t know about sex. To help us set the record straight, I spoke with Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton. She is an associate professor of Psychology at Mount Allison University in Sackville, where she teaches about sex, gender, and neuroscience. Lisa Dawn also has a fantastic podcast called Do We Know Things? that corrects common misconceptions about sex.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What is the G-spot, really?
• Do we actually know what the average penis size is?
• Can men have multiple orgasms, too?
• Does peeing after sex really reduce your risk of getting urinary tract infections?
• What is the real purpose of pubic hair, and how is public hair removal related to STD risk?
• How do hormones like testosterone and oxytocin really affect us?
• How do the brains of monogamous and non-monogamous men differ?
• What’s the connection between sexual arousal and disgust? Why does disgust sometimes become a sexual turn-on?

To learn more about Lisa Dawn and her work, visit doweknowthings.com

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual difficulties are common, but people tend to have a really hard time talking about them. In fact, people often find it easier to avoid the subject entirely, which can lead sex to disappear in a relationship. So how can people start healthy and productive conversations about sexual difficulties? What can they do to address them? And whether sexual difficulties are present or not, how can you have better sex?

For insight into these topics and more, I spoke with Jeff Abraham, CEO of the company Absorption Pharmaceuticals. Jeff built a successful tech company that allowed him to retire early—but he later emerged from retirement to run a sexual health company founded by urologist Dr. Ronald Gilbert, who developed a product called Promescent designed to help men last longer in bed.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• We’ve all heard that “sex sells,” but does it really? What are some of the challenges of running a sexual health and wellness company?
• How long does it usually take men and women to orgasm? What is the size of the orgasm gap?
• What counts as “premature ejaculation” anyway?
• Why is it that premature ejaculation sometimes gets misdiagnosed as erectile dysfunction?
• How do you bring up the topic of sexual difficulties with a partner, whether you’re the one experiencing a difficulty or your partner is?
• Is there anything that men can do to last longer in bed?
• What do both men and women need to know about having better sex?

To learn more about Jeff and his company, visit promescent.com

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Space travel is a rapidly expanding industry. In the near future, people are going to be traveling and maybe even living outside of Earth’s atmosphere for prolonged periods of time. This raises a lot of interesting questions about how we can make life in outer space compatible with human needs, including our sexual and intimate needs. However, space organizations aren’t talking about sex in space, and they aren’t studying it either. But if we’re going to build spacefaring societies, this is something we need to understand. So what are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space, and how can we overcome the challenges?

This episode is going to take you to the final frontiers of sex. We’re not only going to explore what we know about space sex, but also sex with robots. My guest is Simon Dubé, a Public Scholar and PhD candidate in psychology at Concordia University specializing in human sexuality, sextech, and erobotics, which is the study of human-machine erotic interaction and co-evolution. He is a student representative of the International Academy of Sex Research and a general co-Chair of the International Congress on Love & Sex with Robots. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Why is there so much resistance to studying sex in space and sex with robots?
• What are the potential benefits and risks of sex in space?
• How can we overcome the challenges of sex in space in order to maximize the benefits?
• Should space crews and missions only consist of members of the same sex?
• What are the potential benefits and risks of sex with robots?
• What do modern sex robots look like, and how much do they cost?
• How does the issue of consent work when it comes to sex robots?
• Can sex robots help us to become better lovers for human partners?

To learn more about Simon, follow him on Twitter @SciDub11

If you’d like to take part in some of Simon’s research on erobotics, email sextechstudy2@gmail.com to learn about current and upcoming participation opportunities.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

At one time or another, almost everyone has had a BDSM fantasy of some type. Despite its widespread popularity, however, BDSM is a subject that remains widely misunderstood and stigmatized. It’s a taboo topic in broader society that people are often reluctant to discuss out of fear of being judged. So let’s talk about it!

One of the biggest things that changed the way I think about BDSM was having the opportunity to interview a professional dominatrix a few years back. I’m bringing her onto the show today to give you an inside look at this world and what I learned. My guest is Stavroula Toska, an award-winning filmmaker who has received honors from the Sundance Film Festival and countless other festivals around the globe. Stavroula has a reputation for authentic storytelling that pushes boundaries and explores human nature from a unique point of view. Among her many compelling works is a web series called SWITCH, which chronicles her years of experience working in the BDSM scene.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What it’s like to be a professional dominatrix, and how being a dominatrix changed the way Stavroula sees herself.
• Who visits a professional dominatrix, and why.
• Whether there’s any truth to the idea of powerful men wanting to be submissive in the bedroom.
• Whether BDSM is always about sex.
• Why Home Depot is a one-stop shop for professional dominatrixes (I love this part!).
• How the pandemic changed the world of professional domination.
• Why the stigma around BDSM persists.
• What people who want to explore BDSM for the first time need to know.

To learn more about Stavroula, visit https://thetoskamatrix.com and check out her web series SWITCH at https://switchtheseries.com

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink 

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

How can you tell if you’re in lust or in love? Is “love at first sight” real? When is the right time to say “I love you” in a relationship? And how do you keep love alive long-term? Today’s episode is all about the science of love, and we’re going to talk about so many important and fascinating questions!

My guest is none other than “The Love Doctor” herself, Dr. Terri Orbuch. Terri is a distinguished professor at Oakland University and a research scientist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. She has been studying the science of love and relationships for more than three decades and her latest book is called Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

We cover a lot of ground in this show, including:

• The four signs that distinguish love from lust.
• How to get the lust back in your relationship after the initial passion starts to decline.
• The truth about the “5 love languages” (is there actually any science behind this idea?).
• Tips for maintaining happy, healthy, loving relationships for the long haul.
• When it’s the right time to make your relationship “official” and to say “I love you” to a partner.
• When too much closeness becomes a problem, and how to maintain your individuality in a relationship.
• Tips for dialing down the pressure on Valentine’s Day and enjoying a stress-free holiday.
• How parents can help their kids to cultivate healthy relationships.

This is such an important (and fun!) episode! To learn more about Terri, visit drterrithelovedoctor.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink 

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex education in the United States leaves a lot of people on the sidelines, from racial and ethnic minorities to LGBTQ+ youth to persons with disabilities. Part of the reason for this is that just nine (!) states require sex ed to be delivered in an unbiased and culturally appropriate way. So how can we make sex education work for everyone?

My guest today is Dr. Tanya Bass, an award-winning sexuality educator who teaches at North Carolina Central University’s Department of Public Health Education. She also founded the North Carolina Sexual Health Conference. We talk all about sex ed and how sex is depicted in the media—the good, the bad, and the very ugly of it all, and how we can improve it. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Who’s currently being left out of sex ed and what this means for their sexual health.
• Why representation is important in sex education, and how we can make sex ed more accessible to diverse audiences.
• The importance of language in sex ed (and why we need to stop talking about race as a “risk factor” for STDs).
• What we can do to promote better, more equitable sex ed for everyone.
• Which TV shows and movies are getting depictions of sex right, and which ones are getting it wrong.
• How popular media portrayals of sex influence our behavior.
• How we can use media depictions of sex as teachable moments.

Learn more about Dr. Bass at tanyambass.com and follow her on the socials at @DrTanyaMBass

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink 

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

More than 60% of American adults say they’ve had sex with a friend in the past year, a number that has increased considerably over the last two decades. Despite the fact that sex between friends is so common, it’s not something people often discuss. Can you go back to being just friends afterwards? And how do you approach sex with a friend without anyone getting hurt?

Today’s show is all about making “friends with benefits” work. My guest is Dr. Jesse Owen, a Professor in the Counseling Psychology Department at the University of Denver. He is a licensed psychologist with clinical specializations in couple and family therapy and multicultural therapy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does it mean to be “friends with benefits” and what do these relationships tend to look like?
• Do people of different genders and sexual orientations approach friends with benefits in different ways?
• What are the main reasons people start having sex with their friends?
• How long do friends with benefits usually last, and what happens when these relationships end?
• Can friends with benefits go back to being just friends? Can they also turn into healthy romantic relationships?
• What questions should you ask yourself before jumping into a friends with benefits arrangement?
• What kinds of rules or boundaries should you consider if you have a friend with benefits in order to stay safe and prevent things from getting complicated?

Learn more about Dr. Owen here.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2201-lehmiller-kink 

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Relationships and marriages aren’t just hard–they’re harder than ever because the expectations around them have changed so much. What worked in the past isn’t working anymore, so it’s time for a new approach. We need to figure out what works for us as individuals and create custom relationship agreements that reflect our wants and needs. But what goes into creating an ideal relationship agreement? That’s what we’re going to be discussing today.

My guest is Dr. Tammy Nelson, a certified sex and relationship therapist. She is host of The Trouble with Sex podcast and the author of several books, including Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• Why maintaining long-term monogamy today is more challenging than ever.
• How to know if an open relationship is right for you.
• When it’s a good idea to open up, and when it isn’t.
• Why empathy is key to having healthy relationship communication.
• How to navigate difficult conversations with a partner, and what to do when you have different wants and needs.
• The key ingredients of relationship agreements.
• How often you should revisit your relationship agreement.
• Common problems that can arise in open relationships, and how to deal with them.

To learn more about Dr. Nelson, visit drtammynelson.com and be sure to check out her book, Open Monogamy.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Modern technology has made us more connected than ever, but at the same time, many of us feel increasingly disconnected. We just aren’t getting the intimacy we’re craving. We’re starving for a type of intimacy that technology isn’t well-suited to provide. So how can we better meet our need for connection in a digital world?

To answer this question, I spoke with Dr. Michelle Drouin, a behavioral scientist and expert on technology, relationships, and sexuality. She is a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. Her latest book is Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How technology is contributing to an “intimacy famine.”
• Tips for navigating online dating, including what to do if you aren’t getting any matches and also what to do if you feel overwhelmed by too many options.
• Whether having more sex can make us happier.
• Why bedtime routines are crucial to relationship satisfaction.
• How to cultivate love that lasts.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexting has become so common that it’s not a stretch to call it the new “first base” in developing sexual relationships. For many people, sexting is now an integral part of how they connect with others sexually in the modern world, and it occurs in both casual and committed relationships. However, while sexting can be a handy way to boost arousal, communicate interest, and share your fantasies, it can also occur in ways that are coercive or harassing. In this episode, we talk about the good, bad, and ugly of sexting.

My guest is Dr. Michelle Drouin, a professor of Psychology at Purdue University—Fort Wayne and a Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation. She has published an extensive body of research on the psychology sexting and is author of the book Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. Some of the topics we explore include:

• What counts as sexting and how many people have done it before.
• What people’s experiences with sexting are usually like.
• The link between sexting and relationship satisfaction.
• How to practice “safe sexting.”
• Why so many men send unsolicited dick pics.
• When sexting becomes a form of coercion or harassment.
• Deception in online dating.
• How to spot scam artists like the Tinder Swindler.

To learn more about Dr. Drouin, visit drmichelledrouin.com and be sure to check out her latest book, Out of Touch. Also, check out Episode 77 for part one of my conversation with Dr. Drouin, where we discuss tips for online dating and creating love that lasts.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Markus Winkler on Unsplash.

I taught a study abroad course on sex and culture in Amsterdam a few months ago for a group of sex therapists and, as part of that class, we visited a brothel. To be clear, we didn’t go for sex–we went for sex education! We invited several people who work in the sex industry in some way to come speak with us in small groups. In this episode and the next, I’m going to be sharing some of the fascinating things we learned.

In today’s episode, you’ll be hearing two interviews I did with Dutch sex workers. First is Jennifer Jonker, who worked in the brothel we visited for several years. Jennifer now runs a coaching business focused on helping women who want to transition out of the sex work industry to find other forms of employment. Second is Tikka Stardust, a current social worker and sex worker who primarily works with clients who have physical and/or psychological disabilities. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How does sex work actually work in the Netherlands? What does it look like in terms of cost and services provided?
• How is working in a brothel different from working in the “quick service” area of Amsterdam’s Red Light District?
• What are the positive and negative sides of sex work in a country where it is legal?
• To what degree is sex work about sex versus intimacy?
• What are attitudes toward sex work like in the Netherlands? Is it really as open and accepting as people on the outside think it is?
• For women who want to exit the sex work industry, what does that process look like? And how do you deal with the stigma associated with sex work?
• Do government subsidies for sex work really exist in the Netherlands for persons with disabilities?

Stay tuned for our return visit to the brothel next week! In the next show, I’ll be speaking with a Dutch sex educator who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We’re going back to the brothel in today’s episode! This is the second part of a two-part series of interviews I conducted in a sex club in Amsterdam during a recent study abroad course I taught for sex therapists. We invited several folks who work in the sex industry to come speak with us in small groups, and it was absolutely fascinating!

In this episode, you’ll be hearing from a Dutch sex educator (Anna Jansen) who teaches teachers how to talk about sex, as well as a social worker (Renée Brouwer) who works with victims of human trafficking in the sex work industry. Some of the topics we’ll explore include:

• The distinction between sex work and sex trafficking.
• Why so much sex work in the Netherlands occurs underground outside of the legal system.
• How sex trafficking can still occur even with a legalized, government-regulated system.
• Legal changes that could make sex work safer.
• What sex education looks like in the Netherlands.
• How to make sex education work for everyone.
• Why attitudes toward sex in the Netherlands aren’t as liberal people on the outside think.

If you haven’t listened to the first part of this series, check out Episode 79 for interviews with two Dutch sex workers.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There is a huge industry built around making women feel insecure about their genitals in order to sell them so-called “feminine hygiene products.” They’ve convinced many women that their vaginas and vulvas are “dirty” and in need of constant cleaning. But is it even healthy to use these products? And what do you really need to know when it comes to maintaining vaginal health? I spoke with a gynecologist to find out–and to bust some common myths about vaginas and vulvas.

My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let’s Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Where does this idea that vaginas and vulvas are “dirty” come from anyway?
• What should and shouldn’t be part of a vaginal and vulvar self-care routine?
• What should you do if you’re concerned about the smell or taste of your genitals?
• What’s the safest way to remove pubic hair to avoid risk of injury and infection?
• Can a doctor actually tell if a woman has had sex by inspecting her genitals?
• Do vaginas really become “looser” with frequent sex?
• Is it really true that if you have an STI, you’ll know it?
• How do you boost low sexual desire?

Check it out! And be sure to check out Jennifer’s book Let’s Talk About Down There and follow her on TikTok.

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Human beings have been practicing birth control for thousands of years. Today, there are dozens of different contraceptives available, many of which are highly effective and increasingly convenient to access. However, there’s still room for improvement, and the future of birth control promises to be fascinating. It’s becoming increasingly high-tech, and an equivalent of the birth control pill for men appears to be on the horizon. So let’s talk about it!

My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, a board-certified OB-GYN and author of the book, Let’s Talk About Down There: An OBGYN Answers All Your Burning Questions Without Making You Feel Embarrassed for Asking. Jennifer also runs a popular sex ed channel on TikTok (@drjenniferlincoln) with more than two million followers.

In this episode, we discuss the future of birth control, common contraception myths, and how to choose the method that’s right for you. Specifically, we explore:

• How are the birth control options available to women likely to change in the future, both in terms of methods and accessibility?
• Why hasn’t there been a lot of research to date in the area of male birth control?
• What does the future of birth control for men look like? What are the most promising methods in development?
• Will future birth control methods also offer protection against STIs?
• How reliable is the pull-out or withdrawal method in preventing pregnancy?
• Are condoms really 98% effective at pregnancy prevention?
• Do you have to take birth control pills at the same time every day in order for them to work?
• Do you need to take occasional breaks from hormonal birth control to let your body “reset?”
• With all of the options available, how do you choose the contraceptive that’s right for you?

Check it out! And in case you missed the first part of my conversation with Jennifer, check out Episode 81, where we explore myths and facts about vaginal health.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on Unsplash.

Many of us feel sexually insecure in some way. For example, you might be concerned about your body shape or size, the appearance of your genitals, and/or your sexual skills or performance. We are often our own harshest critics, and this can be incredibly detrimental to our sex lives. Insecurity can make it difficult to relax during sex, to experience pleasure, and even to experience desire for sex. So how can you overcome sexual insecurity and build up sexual self-confidence? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

I am joined by Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist, relationship and communication coach, and author of the book From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How you can learn to love your body.
• How to feel more confident in your genital appearance.
• How to let go of negative self-talk during sex and be in the moment.
• Why focusing on orgasm as the goal of sex can reduce pleasure for everyone.
• How to feel more confident in your sexual turn-ons and share them with a partner.
• How to communicate your sexual boundaries.
• What to do when you’re partnered with someone who is sexually insecure.

Check it out! Also, be sure to get a copy of Jennifer’s book, From Madness to Mindfulness, and visit her website at drjennsden.com

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

People’s sexual identities and behaviors don’t always line up in the way that you might expect. For example, a lot of people who identify as heterosexual or straight report having had partners of the same sex or gender. And there are a lot of different reasons for this! My guest today has identified at least six different types of people who identify as heterosexual, but engage in same-sex behavior. So, we’re going to break it down for you.

I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle recently published a study about heterosexually-identified college students who reported same-sex hookups and we explore her key findings. Among the topics we discuss are:

• Why sexual identity and sexual behavior don’t always match up.
• Which heterosexual people who engage in same-sex behavior are likely to change their sexual identity labels in the future.
• The roles of college culture and alcohol in sexual self-exploration.
• Why some heterosexual people engage in same-sex behavior for attention or performance.
• The influence of religion and politics on sexual identity.
• Why we need to measure more than sexual identity if we really want to understand someone’s sexuality.

Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For decades, social scientists warned that living together before marriage increased the odds of later divorce. However, this runs contrary to conventional wisdom. In fact, most American adults today think that cohabiting first should actually strengthen marriages by serving as a compatibility test. So what’s the deal? Is living together before marriage a good or bad idea? Let’s explore what the science really says and discuss practical tips and considerations for partners looking to move in together.

I am joined by Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, an Associate Professor of Sociology and Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Arielle has studied cohabitation and its effects extensively and is here to help us settle the popular debate. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How many people today live together before marriage, and how this trend has changed over time.
• Why cohabitation and divorce are linked, and how the association between them has changed.
• Why the age at which you get married is a key factor in predicting divorce.
• How people who cohabit before marriage differ from those who move directly into marriage.
• How to know when it’s the right time to move in together.
• How to set yourself up for cohabiting success.

Check it out! To learn more about Arielle, follow her on Twitter @ATKuperberg and visit her website here.

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and HiveBoxx on Unsplash.

When people think about what their sex lives will look like as they get older, they usually don’t see much to look forward to. They tend to think about problems that might arise and how sex may become more challenging. However, this line of thinking is all wrong. Sex can actually get better with age. In fact, many seniors report that they’re having the best sex of their lives! And many of the tools and strategies that they’re using can be helpful at any age for reigniting passion, improving sexual communication, and having more pleasurable sex than ever before. So today we’re going to be exploring tips for better sex no matter where you are in your life.

My guest is Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books about senior sex, including the award-winning  Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. She is a popular public speaker and sex educator who has been expanding our minds about sex and aging since 2005. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How (and why) sex can get better with age.
• How to start healthy conversations about sex, whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship.
• How to talk about sex with your doctor or healthcare provider.
• How redefining sex can open the door to more pleasure.
• What to do when the old ways of approaching sex just aren’t working for you anymore.
• Why sex toys are an essential component of satisfying sex, especially as we get older.
• How you can set yourself up for having great sex for your entire life.

Check it out! To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Naked at Our Age.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Relationships can be a source of tremendous joy. But they can also be a source of tremendous pain, especially when they come to an end that we just weren’t ready for. When a valued relationship suddenly ends and that parter disappears from your everyday life–whether through death, divorce, or breakup–the resulting grief can make it difficult to move on, especially in terms of your intimate life. When is the right time to start dating or having sex again? What if you haven’t been on the dating scene for years and it has fundamentally changed? Also, what if you’re dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss? Let’s talk about it.

I am joined by Joan Price, a self-described advocate for ageless sexuality. Joan is the author of four books, including Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan was the guest on my previous episode, where we covered Tips For Better Sex at Any Age. It’s well worth a listen if you haven’t checked it out already! Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• Why there isn’t one “right” way to grieve and how everyone’s post-grief intimacy journey is different.
• How to know when it’s the right time to re-engage with your sexuality.
• How to get back on the dating scene if you haven’t been on it for a long time.
• What to do when you find your “pilot light lover,” or the next person who re-sparks your arousal.
• Why self-discovery and self-exploration are essential in the healing process.
• Things you should and shouldn’t do when dating someone who is grieving a relationship loss.

To learn more about Joan, visit joanprice.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing books, including Sex After Grief.

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Legit Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

During pregnancy and parenthood, it’s not uncommon for sex to decrease and/or become less pleasurable. When this happens, it can potentially spill over and create broader relationship and intimacy issues. So how can you maintain satisfying sex lives and relationships during the transition to parenthood? Let’s talk about it! This episode is all about common sexual questions and concerns that arise during pregnancy and parenthood and how you can keep the spark alive once kids enter the picture.

I am joined by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Is it usually safe to have sex during pregnancy?
• What do you need to know when it comes to maintaining sexual satisfaction during pregnancy?
• When can you start having sex again after giving birth? And what do you need to know about sexual health and function in the postpartum period?
• How can new parents navigate discrepancies in sexual desire?
• How are men and women similar vs. different in terms of the sexual concerns they have during parenthood?
• How do you make space (and time) for sex once you have kids?
• When is it time to consult a sex or relationship therapist, and how do you find a competent professional?

To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com. And for more resources and information on navigating sex and parenthood, visit postbabyhankypanky.com 

Get confidence where it counts with BlueChew! Their online service delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. Listeners can try BlueChew FREE by using promo code PSYCH at checkout; just pay $5 shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com to learn more.

Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 70% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2215-lehmiller

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual difficulties are common, and they can be highly distressing. They don’t have to mean the end of your sex life, though. Fortunately, most difficulties can be resolved and you can get back to having satisfying sex. However, people often don’t know where to begin when it comes to dealing with sexual difficulties, from telling a partner about it to finding a solution. So, let’s talk about it!

I am joined today by Dr. Natalie Rosen, an Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Neuroscience and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Natalie is a sex and relationship therapist who has published over 125 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on sexual dysfunction. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How to start healthy and productive conversations about sexual difficulties with a partner.
• How to manage low sexual desire.
• How to deal effectively with sexual pain.
• How to reset your beliefs around sex in a way that can improve sexual function.
• How to prevent porn from becoming a problem in your relationship.
• How to better manage emotions in a relationship so that they don’t interfere with sexual satisfaction or contribute to sexual difficulties.

Check out Natalie’s previous appearance on the show in Episode 88, where we discuss how to navigate sex during pregnancy and parenthood. To learn more about Natalie or participate in one of her upcoming studies, visit natalieorosen.com.

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Check out their show, “Intimate Forms,” featuring the work of Emilio Sanchez at the Cook Center on Indiana University’s campus. Or catch the show “Psychopathia Sexualis,” featuring the work of Austin Osman Spare at Iceberg Projects in Chicago.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Until very recently, the sight of a penis in film or on television was a rarity. And when it happened, it was a big deal. The promise of even a fleeting glimpse would overshadow everything else. For example, remember when Gone Girl came out? It seemed like all anyone could talk about was Ben Affleck’s member. Today, however, penises seem to be popping up everywhere, and Hollywood keeps upping the ante. Case in point: there’s a scene in Euphoria featuring nearly 30 dongs. So what’s up with that? What’s behind the rise of male full-frontal nudity on screen?

That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to discuss why most of the penises you see are actually prosthetics, and you’re going to learn how the sausage gets made. Literally. I am joined by Matthew Mungle, an Academy Award winning artist specializing in Make-up Effects and Prosthetics. With over 250 film and television projects to his credit, Matthew is regarded as one of Hollywood’s top masters of makeup effects illusion. Odds are, you’ve seen his work–and maybe even some of the penises he’s created. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Why male full-frontal nudity is a growing trend.
• The first time Matthew was ever approached to make a penile prosthetic.
• Why most of the penises we see on screen are prosthetics.
• How producers decide what a prosthetic penis will look like for a given actor/character.
• How prosthetic penises are made (it’s both an art and a science!).
• Whether prosthetic penises are contributing to unrealistic perceptions of penis size.
• Average penis size and whether size really matters anyway.

Check it out! To learn more about Matthew’s work, visit his website at wmcreationsinc.com and check out his IMDB page to learn about the many amazing film and TV projects he has contributed to.

Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for sponsoring this episode!

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Legit Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Deon Black on Unsplash.

Relationships are hard for everyone, but they can be especially hard when you’re living with a mental health issue such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Psychological struggles can heighten the anxiety around sex, dating, and intimacy in ways that can make relationships feel inherently unsatisfying, even hopeless. But there is hope! Today, we’re going to explore how mental health issues can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them.

I am joined by Allison Raskin, a mental health advocate and New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book is titled: Over-Thinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD, and/or Depression. Some of the topics that we explore include:

• How do you even bring up the subject of mental health with someone you’re dating or in a relationship with?
• How can you tell whether something you’re worried about is a valid relationship concern vs. a symptom of your disorder?
• How do you take care of both your mental health and your relationship at the same time when some mental health treatments carry sexual side effects?
• How can you learn to be “in the moment” during sex and block out distracting thoughts?
• How can you make online dating less anxiety-inducing?
• How can you handle breakup in healthier ways?
• How can you be a supportive partner to someone who has mental health struggles?

To learn more about Allison, visit allisonraskin.com. Also, be sure to check out her latest book Over-Thinking About You and follow her on Instagram @emotionalsupportlady

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the keys to great sex is being in the right headspace and allowing yourself to be totally immersed in the experience. If you’re not fully into it, it’s easy for your mind to start wandering and to get distracted. Divided attention can make it hard to stay aroused and to reach orgasm. So how can you get in the right mental space for great sex? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

We’re going to be discussing a mental state called flow and share practical tips for getting into this state of mind so that you can have the best sex of your life. I am joined by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What does it mean to be in a state of “flow?”
• How is flow similar to or different from practicing mindfulness?
• How can being in a flow state enhance sexual satisfaction?
• What is the role of flow in kinky sex?
• Do some people naturally have an easier time getting into flow states than others?
• How can you open yourself up to experiencing flow during sex?
• How can flow boost sexual desire and help people to deal with sexual difficulties?

Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF

Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and The Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When it comes to sex, we could all benefit from a few pointers because great sex is usually something we have to figure out on our own. On previous episodes of the show, we’ve talked about things like expanding your definition of sex, learning how to communicate what you want, and building up your sexual self-confidence. We’re going to take it a step further today and talk about some of the finer details. We’re going to explore how you can get even more pleasure from several specific sexual activities, from masturbation to oral sex to intercourse to kink.

I am joined once again by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How mixing up your masturbation routine can unlock new sources of pleasure and enhance partnered sex.
• How to have better oral sex.
• How to make penile-vaginal intercourse more pleasurable and increase the odds of mutual orgasm.
• How to have comfortable and pleasurable anal sex.
• How to make role-play fun and enjoyable instead of stressful and awkward.
• What you need to know about sharing and acting on sexual fantasies.
• Why it’s important to step out of your comfort zone from time to time.

Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF

Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

As someone who studies the science of sexual fantasies, every time I think I’ve heard it all, I discover something new. Human beings are endlessly inventive and flexible when it comes to their sexuality, which means that our fantasies are sometimes truly fantastical and may reflect things that wouldn’t even be physically possible in reality. While these fantasies may strike many people as “strange” or “weird,” however, a deeper analysis of them reveals that they aren’t so unusual after all. They’re actually just creative variations on the things that turn most of us on.

In this episode, we’re going to explore four uncommon sexual fantasies I’ve encountered over the course of my research and consider the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, I invited Rose Caraway to narrate the actual fantasies that my participants provided. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s fantastic book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program.

The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:

• The Human Cow (or HuCow)
• The Human Doll
• Getting Eaten Alive (Vorarephilia)
• Taken By Tentacles

I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that run through all of them. I also discuss who tends to have more of these fantastical fantasies and why. This is a truly fascinating episode you’re not going to want to miss. Check it out!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever fantasized about being ‘forced’ to have sex? If so, you’re not alone. Fantasies about being taken against one’s will (also known as ‘ravishment fantasies’ and ‘consensual non-consent fantasies’) are actually quite common. But just how many people report having had them? And why? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode.

I’ll be sharing five examples of forced sex fantasies that have emerged in my research to illustrate what these fantasies tend to look like, and also to explore the psychology behind them.  To help me put this show together, Rose Caraway returns to narrate the actual fantasies. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s amazing book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program.

The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include:

• Ravished By My Lover
• Kidnapped and Forced to Have Sex
• Animalistic Sex With an Alpha Male
• Banged By the Bachelorettes
• Taken By a Warrior Princess

I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that unite them, while also considering similarities and differences in how these fantasy scenarios play out for men and women. I also discuss who is most likely to have fantasies of this nature and why. This is a fascinating episode. Be sure to check it out!

Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for being sponsors of this episode!

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Masturbation is something that most people do, but many of us have a complicated relationship with it. For example, some people are under the impression that masturbation is an unhealthy or even “addictive” activity. Given that we’re in the midst of Masturbation Month, now seems like the perfect time to set the record straight on solo sex and tell you what you really need to know about it.

My guest today is Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• How long have human beings been masturbating?
• What makes masturbation in humans unique compared to other species that do it?
• Where did this idea that masturbation is unhealthy come from?
• What kinds of masturbation “cures” were used in the past to discourage this behavior? (This is some weird and wacky stuff!)
• Is there any truth to the idea that masturbatory abstinence can improve your health or boost testosterone?
• Is masturbation really an “addictive” behavior?
• Can women really become “addicted” to their vibrators?
• How can we develop a healthier relationship with solo sex?

Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you’re feeling that intense passion in the early stages of a relationship, having great sex is usually pretty easy. However, those feelings don’t tend to stick around very long. It’s normal for passion to begin fading after a year or two. But it doesn’t have to disappear entirely. It’s very much possible to get the spark back–and keep it going–with a little bit of effort. So let’s talk about how to do it!

For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. David Frederick, an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California. Dr. Frederick has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. Some of the questions we explore include:

• What typically happens to sexual frequency and satisfaction over time in long-term relationships?
• Why is trying new sexual activities crucial to boosting passion? And what kinds of novel activities have the biggest impact?
• How many new things do you need to try sexually in order to experience a boost in passion?
• Are the factors that predict sexual satisfaction the same for lesbians and heterosexual women? What about for gay versus heterosexual men?
• What can lesbians teach heterosexual women about closing the “orgasm gap?”
• Besides trying new sexual activities, what are some other tried and true ways of reinvigorating passion in a long-term relationship?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The impact of religion on our sex lives is complex—it is neither uniformly negative nor positive. The way that religion affects sexuality really depends upon how sexuality is situated within a given religion. But when religiosity and sexuality conflict, how do you navigate this? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. How do sex therapists balance religious and sexual identity in the therapeutic process when conflicts arise? Is it possible to resolve this in a way that doesn’t require sacrificing one or the other?

Dr. Eric Sprankle returns for this episode (he was a previous guest on Episode 96: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation). Eric is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How often do people seek sex therapy for issues relating to religiosity, and what kinds of issues are they usually experiencing?
• How do you balance religious identity and sexual identity (or desire) in the process of sex therapy?
• How can we make sex education something that is more inclusive of religious diversity?
• In what ways can religiosity have a positive impact on sexuality?
• If you’re struggling with issues of religiosity and sexuality, how can you find a therapist who is affirming of both?

Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there’s still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what’s up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating?

For today’s episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David’s research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include:

• When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other?
• How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer?
• How do men feel about women paying for dates?
• Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way?
• Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary?
• Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It is hard to believe, but we have reached episode 100 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 100 episodes of a sex show? I’ve put together a compilation featuring some of the most fascinating and mind-blowing facts about sex we’ve covered so far. Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Hallie Lieberman (Episode 21), Dr. Ina Park (Episode 39), Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton (Episode 53) and Dr. Nicole Prause (Episode 60).

Some of the things we cover in this episode include:

• Why butt plugs used to be marketed as a cure for asthma (no joke!).
• Whether sexually transmitted infections can hijack our brains and change our sexual behavior in order to make them more infectious.
• How a study of a cow’s clitoris became the basis for what we think we know about the human clitoris.
• Why some people get sick every time they orgasm.

Thank you for supporting the show! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, please consider a paid subscription to Sex and Psychology Premium to help keep the show going and to receive new episodes ad-free. Cheers to the next 100 episodes!

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Human beings spend about one-third of their lives asleep. We do this because sleep is an essential body function. When we don’t get enough sleep, we suffer in a lot of ways–and that includes our sex lives. That’s why today’s episode is all about the important connection between sex and sleep. As you’ll learn, getting better sleep is one of the keys to having better sex. But it’s also the case that having a great sex life can help you get better sleep. The connection between sleep and sex goes both ways!

I am joined by Dr. Michele Lastella, a senior lecturer at Central Queensland University and a global leader in sleep research in athletes. He has 70 peer-reviewed publications related to sleep, sport psychology, psychological well-being and more. Some of the topics we address in this episode include:

• Why do we often feel tired or sleepy after sex?
• How does sex impact the quality of the sleep we get? Does masturbation affect sleep in the same way?
• Does the impact of sex on sleep depend on whether or not orgasm occurs?
• Does sex affect sleep in the same way for men and women?
• How do both temporary and chronic sleep disruptions (such as sleep apnea and insomnia) affect our sexual health and well-being?
• Why do penile and clitoral erections occur during sleep?
• What are some practical tips for getting better sleep so that you can have better sex?

Check it out! To learn more about Michele, check out his Google Scholar profile and follow him on Twitter @sleeppsyc

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the classic film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan famously said, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” And she was right. But it turns out that women aren’t the only ones who do this. Fake orgasms are surprisingly common across genders. So why do so many people feign the peak of pleasure? And is pretending to climax a good thing or a bad thing? That’s why we’re going to be talking about today.

I am joined by Ashley Weller, a professor at Chapman University in Southern California who teaches human sexuality courses. Ashley has more than 15 years of experience in sex education and runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How many people have ever faked an orgasm before?
• Why do people fake orgasms, and do men’s and women’s reasons for doing it differ?
• What do people actually do when they pretend to climax?
• Is it always a bad idea to fake orgasms?
• What should you do if you’re been faking it but don’t want to do that anymore?
• What should you do if you suspect your partner of faking orgasms?

To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why are we attracted to some people, but not to others? The answer to this question is surprisingly complex, but research has uncovered a set of scientifically-backed principles that can pretty reliably facilitate sexual and romantic attraction. This episode will help you to better understand those “laws” of attraction, including how you can leverage them to enhance your own appeal to others.

Sexuality educator Ashley Weller returns for this show. Ashley is a professor at Chapman University who runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include:

• Is attraction something that is usually instantaneous, or does it tend to grow over time?
• We often hear that “birds of a feather flock together.” But we also hear that “opposites attract.” So which one is true? Are we attracted to similarity or differences?
• What’s the best way to start a conversation with someone you’re attracted to? Do pick-up lines actually work?
• Can playing hard to get make you appear more desirable?
• How similar or different are men and women when it comes to what they want in a partner?
• If you find yourself attracted to the “wrong” type of person, how do you break that pattern?

To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Bestselling author Lisa Taddeo has put women’s stories front and center in all of her books. Her work explores how women navigate sexual desire, sexual trauma, and sexual double standards–and it is utterly fascinating and captivating. For today’s episode, I sat down with Lisa to talk about these prominent themes in her writings and what they tell us about women’s sexuality.

Lisa’s first nonfiction book, Three Women, was an instant #1 New York Times bestseller and is currently in production as a series at Showtime with Shailene Woodley set to star. This book takes a deep dive into the sex lives and relationships of three American women who live in different parts of the country.

Following Three Women, Lisa published her debut fiction novel Animal, which tells the story of Joan, a woman who has endured a lifetime of cruelty from men—and eventually forges the power to strike back.

Lisa’s latest book, Ghost Lover, is a collection of short stories that feature a series of women who are searching for—and frequently struggling to find—fulfillment in their lives.

We discuss all three of Lisa’s books, including where she drew her inspiration, the major themes (including why sex and death run through all of them), and some of the sexist criticism her work has evoked.

To learn more about Lisa, visit lisataddeo.com and follow her on Instagram @lisadtaddeo

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

College students tend to be stereotyped as a pretty horny bunch who are hooking up every chance they get. But are today’s college students really having more sex than ever? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in this show. Are they as sexually active as popular media depictions suggest? How is the sex that they’re having changing? And what do college students today need to know about navigating and cultivating healthy sexual and romantic relationships?

I am joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols, an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are students’ sex education experiences like before they get to college?
• How many college students today are sexually active? Are they having sex earlier or later than previous generations?
• How is the sex they’re having different? Why is choking during sex on the rise?
• How are college students being influenced by porn and the #MeToo movement?
• Why do college students seem to find dating and relationships to be so challenging?

To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Men who have sex with men often identify themselves in terms of sexual positions, such as top, bottom, or versatile to reference the role they prefer to take during anal sex. But what if none of those terms describe you? Today’s episode is all about the growing number of gay and bisexual men who identify as “sides,” or people who aren’t into penetrative anal sex.

I am joined by Dr Joe Kort, the clinical director and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. He is a board-certified clinical sexologist and author of four books. Joe was the first person to coin the term “side” and his efforts to raise awareness of it recently led the sex and dating app Grindr to start offering it as an option for identifying oneself. Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• How do gay and bisexual men define “sex?” And what are their most common sexual behaviors?
• Why is there so much pressure to identify yourself as a sexual position in the gay community?
• Why are some men into anal sex while others are not?
• What does it mean to identify as a “side?” And how many gay and bisexual men are sides?
• How can people be more respectful of others who have different sexual activity preferences without shaming them for wanting something different?
• What are the positive and negative aspects of identifying yourself as a sexual position?

To learn more about Joe, visit joekort.com and follow him on the socials @drjoekort

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Everyone has an “attachment style,” which refers to the way that you tend to interact and connect with others in intimate relationships. Psychologists have found that attachment styles are reliable predictors of so many different things in our sex and love lives, from the content of our sexual fantasies to how we respond in conflict situations to our reasons for pursuing sex. A better understanding of your own (and your partner’s) attachment style can potentially help you to cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

Dr. Nicole McNichols is back to give us the guide to attachment theory. Nicole is an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are the main attachment styles that exist?
• Where does your attachment style come from, and can it change over time?
• How does culture influence attachment style?
• How can you identify your own attachment style?
• How can you identify the attachment style of someone you’re dating?
• What should you do if you and your partner have discrepant attachment styles?

To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Survey studies find that about 1 in 5 people say they’re been in some type of sexually open relationship before. Despite how common consensual non-monogamy is, research, data, and information on it is pretty limited. And, oftentimes, it’s not addressed at all in psychology training programs. So, for today’s episode, we’re going to explore what you need to know about sexually open relationships.

I am joined by Dr. Michelle Vaughan, an Associate Professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University. She is the co-editor of the soon to be released Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• What attitudes toward consensual non-monogamy look like today and how they’re changing.
• The key strengths of those who practice consensual non-monogamy.
• How to identify and lean into your own strengths in order to improve your relationship(s).
• Tips and advice for navigating sexually open relationships.
• How to know if consensual non-monogamy is right for you.
• Common issues that arise in sexually open relationships (e.g., jealousy) and how to deal with them.
• How to find an affirming therapist if you’re in an open relationship.

To learn more about Michelle and her work, visit her Google Scholar page, follow her on Twitter @MichelleDVPhd, and check out the Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy (or order on rowman.com and use discount code RLFANDF25 to save 25%).

Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from the experience of pain. While we often think of masochism as being a purely sexual thing, it’s actually a pervasive part of everyday life. From the long-distance marathon runner to the person who covers their entire body in tattoos to the person who douses all of their food in hot sauce, there are countless examples of people intentionally inflicting pain on themselves—and getting some pleasure out of it at the same time. So why is that? We’re going to do a deep dive into the psychology of masochism today.

I am joined today by Leigh Cowart, a researcher and journalist whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Popular Science, and more. Leigh’s latest book is titled Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why do so many of us choose to suffer? Are we all masochists to some degree?
• Why do humans experience pain anyway? What is the adaptive value of it?
• Why is pain sometimes sexually arousing? How can pain enhance sex?
• Why do some people seek out more intense pain than others?
• Where does all of the shame and stigma around masochism (particularly sexual masochism) come from?
• When can pain-seeking behavior be healthy, and when can it become a problem?

To learn more about Leigh, follow her on the socials @voraciousbrain and be sure to get a copy of her book Hurts So Good

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If your romantic partner were to become sexually or romantically interested in someone else, how would you feel? Jealousy is often presumed to be the default response, especially in monogamous relationships. However, in consensually non-monogamous relationships, people often experience happiness, pleasure, or other positive feelings–a phenomenon known as compersion. So how are jealousy and compersion linked? Can you experience both at the same time? Can you learn to experience compersion if it’s something you’ve never felt before? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento and has recently co-authored a series of papers on the subject of compersion. Some of the topics we explore include:

• What does it really mean to experience compersion?
• What are the kinds of things that make it easier to feel compersion? What makes it harder?
• Is compersion a trait that you either have or don’t have, or is it something you can teach yourself to feel?
• Are compersion and jealousy mutually exclusive, or can you experience both simultaneously?
• In polyamory, how do the relationships you have with your partner’s partners influence compersion?
• Is the experience of compersion necessary for successful polyamory?

To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

According to some sources, a majority of all marriages in the world are arranged. Despite how common this practice is, little research has been conducted on the subject—and there are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there regarding what arranged marriages actually look like and how they work (including the idea that arranged marriage necessarily equates to “forced marriage”). So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento. Some of the topics we explore include:

• How does the purpose of marriage differ across cultures?
• What does an arranged marriage actually look like?
• Who arranges an arranged marriage? Do the spouses have a say?
• Are people happier on average in couple-initiated vs. arranged marriages?
• What do people tend to get wrong about arranged marriages and how they work?

Check it out! To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a ton of sources for sex advice out there, which is great. But too many of them suffer from the same problem: they take a one-size-fits-all approach when, in reality, different things are going to work for different people. We each have a unique sexual self, which means that if you don’t have a certain level of self-understanding, it can be difficult to know which advice to take–and which advice to leave. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today: how to uncover your core erotic themes and increase sexual self-understanding.

My guest is sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, author of the new book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why generic sex advice often doesn’t work.
• How to pinpoint your own motivations for having sex.
• How your sexual fantasies can help you to uncover your core erotic themes.
• How to share sexual fantasies with a partner.
• Why it’s important to step outside of our sexual comfort zone sometimes.
• How to deal with mismatched libido in a relationship.

To learn more about Cyndi, visit her website at cyndidarnell.com, follow her on the socials @cyndi_darnell and be sure to get a copy of her new book Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that’s what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered.

I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• How to cope with “sexual imposter syndrome.”
• How to overcome fear of sexual failure.
• How to build up your sexual self-confidence.
• How to learn what it is that you really want from sex.
• How to “hear no like a pro” (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren’t on the same page about sex).
• What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner.

Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode!

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the keys to having truly great sex is approaching it with the right mindset. However, this isn’t something that we’re usually taught in sex education, which tends to focus more on the physiology of sex rather than the psychology behind it. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. It’s a compilation (or “cumpilation”) of some of my favorite tips discussed on the show for changing your sexual mindset.

Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Joan Price (Episode 86), Dr. Jessica O’Reilly (Episode 67), Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus (Episode 83) and Dr. Emily Jamea (Episode 93). Some of the topics we explore in this show include:

• The importance of expanding your idea of what sex is.
• Why it’s important to make sex a multi-sensory experience.
• How to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin.
• How be in the moment during sex.
• Why we should stop looking at sex as a goal-oriented activity—and instead, just relax and have fun.

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever noticed yourself feeling hornier than usual when you travel? If so, you’re not alone. Being away from home seems to put a lot of people in the mood for sex. So why is that? The answer is actually surprisingly complex. A whole host of factors change when we go on vacation or take a trip and–together–they have the potential to create far more opportunities for sexual desire and arousal to set in than we typically experience at home. So let’s talk about travel horniness!

In this episode, I discuss the biological, psychological, and social factors that underlie this phenomenon, including:

• How many people fantasize about sex and travel, such as having sex on the beach, in an airplane, or in a hotel room.
• How engaging in novel, non-sexual activities on vacation can amplify sexual arousal.
• How our mindset changes when we escape our home environment.
• How substance use changes when we’re on vacation.
• How the people we travel with influences our sexual behavior.
• Why exposure to more sunlight on vacation can make us hornier.

In addition to exploring the psychology behind travel horniness, I discuss my recent visit to the Icelandic penis museum, which is a fascinating place. If you thought human penises were diverse in size and shape, you haven’t seen anything yet!

Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and The Handy (thehandy.com)  for sponsoring this episode!

FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. 

The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

All too often, political debates about abortion are full of myths and misconceptions. For this reason, a better understanding of abortion is crucial. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. We’re going to discuss common things that people get wrong about abortion, why abortion bans don’t work as intended, and why comprehensive sex education and improved access to contraceptives are the keys to reducing abortion rates.

I am joined by Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of the Whole Health Psychological Center, the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute, and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include:

• The most common reasons women seek abortion.
• The difference between emergency contraception and abortion.
• The stage of pregnancy at which most abortions occur.
• The effects of pregnancy and abortion on women’s health.
• The psychological impact of abortion.
• How abortion bans, comprehensive sex education, and contraceptive access affect abortion rates.
• The future of sex and relationships in a post-Roe v Wade world.

Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.