Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast (Suzanne Noble)

And so another, Valentine's Day is upon us and people will either desperately running around, trying to buy something quickly because they have forgotten or will be pitched headlong into a fury of romantic gestures. Either way is the date that comes around every year and probably you have your annual form of celebration or not yourselves. Let's hope we have done this early enough for it to function as a reminder! Don't forget Valentine's Day next Tuesday, folks!

It is a tradition that goes back a long way, and there are at least two identifiable St. Valentines. In that sense, it is probably a sensible celebration to do with pregnancy and the seasons and all that sort of thing. One should probably not be too cynical about the way in which it has turned into a marvellous opportunity for card-makers, restaurants and florists, and to take it as an opportunity instead, to celebrate your relationship, whatever it may be.

But maybe every day should be Valentine's Day, maybe we should take time from our busy lives to speak our appreciation for the person in our lives and everything they do for us. Either that or maybe we should use it as the perfect opportunity to think about what we could do better with our time! Anyway, here are some thoughts, not particularly profound, but hopefully give some sort of sense of how important our relationships are.

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This week we interview Rachel Kramer Bussel, who has edited more than 70 volumes of erotic fiction. We discussed the role that erotic fiction can play in all of our sex lives, and the way in which it might be able to assist in recovering some of the frisson that may have gone out of your relationships in recent years. Here are tips for the eroticisation of pretty well anything, from eating oranges, too, well, eating oysters, but you get the drift.

Reading erotic literature to each other, or even writing it for each other can be a massive turn on at any age. Think of the ways in which writers of erotic literature (some better than others) played a role in your own sexual development. But again, it is something surrounded by shame and guilt. What would be really great would be for people to be able to discuss these things openly, and without shame. Fantasies are for the most part harmless and productive ways of spending your time and discussing your fantasies can only be a good thing.

Have a listen, see what you think, discuss it with your partner, and maybe even have a go at writing some yourself. Rachel is currently accepting submissions for her next anthology of Erotic Flash Fiction! Contact details for Rachel are given below:

Visit Rachel’s Website: https://rachelkramerbussel.com/

Buy her book ‘How to Write Erotica’ from Amazon here.

Best Women’s Erotica of the Year, Volume 10 call for submissions:

https://www.bweoftheyear.com/call-for-submissions

Follow her on Twitter here.

Follow her on Instagram here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s episode is an interview with Rebecca Lowrie who practices "Sexual Alchemy” to develop “sacred sexuality”, erotic potential and empowered masculinity. She works with older men to help them discover their own sexuality and internal desires and to help them find a healthy way to a healthy sexual appetite.

This is an aspect of sexuality that is often neglected and, if anything, it is men who have still to do a lot of work on themselves to overcome some of the attitudes towards women and sexuality that they have absorbed over the years. We are all stuck in our own bubbles and it is often necessary to break out and discover what is really going on.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.lowrie1

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/s_xualalchemy/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexualalchemy

Twitter: https://twitter.com/rebeccalowrie

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebeccalowrie/

Behind the Velvet Curtain: https://www.sexualalchemy.com/members-area

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Sangeeta Pillai from Soul Sutras and the award-winning feminist Masala Podcast talks to us about the way in which sex and sexual matters relating to menopausal and postmenopausal women are even more taboo in the South Asian community than they are elsewhere. She points out that India has a rich history of sexual exploration and practice, which goes back thousands of years to some of the temples in which sex was celebrated to the Kama Sutra and other traditions. At some point, with the rise of the patriarchy and the arrival of the British, it was driven out of public life and made taboo (a word which itself has a colonial history, introduced by Captain James Cook, from the Tongan language).

Her podcast is designed to break some of these taboos, and to discuss sex in all its varieties within the South Asian community and beyond. We talk about how sex and the over 40s is a subject frowned upon in all communities and societies right across the world. We in the West have gained a certain privilege and made some steps forward in sexual matters, but there is still a long way to go – particularly with the idea of sex and older people. The struggle continues!

www.soulsutras.co.ukTwitter: Soul_SutrasInsta: soulsutrasFacebook: SoulSutrasNetworkYouTube: Soul SutrasBRITISH PODCAST AWARDS WINNERMasala Podcast Available on Spotify, Apple & Castbox

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Lorraine Grover is a psychosexual nurse/practitioner at the sharp end of sexual healing with all age groups. As her title connotes, she deals with how people can approach sexual problems in everyday life. She shows people how they can use various techniques and tools to help overcome some of the sexual hangups and problems they may be experiencing. We questioned her about how that could best apply to people in their 50s, 60s and upwards. As we have seen over the weeks, many of the problems with sexual relations that are often only spoken of with the younger age groups in mind apply equally to us oldies, if not more so.

We are the generation that grew up in a world that wasn't prepared to talk to us about these taboo areas when we were young, which meant that much of what we knew and know about it was gained from daily experience, for good or ill. Often for ill. Lorraine believes it should be possible to break down these taboos and that addressing these questions is never too late.

Visit Lorraine’s website here.

Follow Lorraine on Twitter here.

Follow Lorraine on Instagram here.

Follow Lorraine on LinkedIn here.

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This is a kind of review of the year at a very strange time of the year. Maybe because it is spring and our podcast has been gestating for nine months, we felt it was time to look back at what we have been discussing and think about what we will likely be covering in the next nine months.

It has been quite a commitment, doing this every week for nine months, but it has been a good ride, and we have both learnt quite a lot. We have had guests discuss things from sex work to Tantric yoga and many other things. We caught the public imagination at some point, have 54,000 followers on TikTok and have been featured in the Telegraph, iNews, the Independent, the Metro, the Sun and other places.

Most of all, we enjoyed it and met some delightful guests. We hope you have also gained something from it, even if it is only enjoyment and entertainment. We are considering introducing a new extra premium service in which we will go a bit deeper into the questions and perhaps talk about things that people didn't feel they would discuss in all the widest parameters.

If you want to get in on the ground floor, keep an eye open for an announcement about the new service. If not, continue listening and thank you very much for subscribing.

Happy listening, and thank you!

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Married men, do it, single women, do it, even educated fleas do it. Online dating, that is. It is probably the case that a great number of us have at least paddled in the shallow end of what is a massive proportion of the online world. Men and women, looking for that special person to either have a short term fling with or a long-term relationship have, for a quarter of a century now, had the opportunity to go on the search for a new partner via the Internet.

It is a world fraught with danger, subterfuge and downright lies as well as a place where ideal relationships can be found. We discuss here how we all know people who have found love online and ended up in long-term committed relationships, as well as those who have experienced the scammers and liars who have led us all to be more cautious.

It is only to be expected in a globalised world that meeting the right person will also have become globalised. As the Internet expands our horizons and allows us to talk to people instantaneously on the other side of the world, it is no surprise that the local is being abandoned in favour of the global. Of course, most people are still meeting friends of friends, but the number who have learned to swipe right or swipe left, has grown exponentially over recent years.

We discuss some of the issues around this whole area, especially for those of us for whom the Internet remains a bit of a black box, and we hope that our experiences accord to some extent with yours.

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This episode is dedicated to sex positivity in all its glorious manifestations. We also attempt to define what is actually meant by it. There are many who take it as an open invitation to get fruity. They believe that, especially women, showing any positive attitude towards sex, and all of the glory is contained within. It mean that one is immediately available for sexual contact. Of course, it means nothing of the sort, merely that sex as a topic is on the agenda, and that any discussion of it has to be open, honest, and productive.

Too often, our thoughts of sex and sexuality are defined by deeply ingrained and long-lasting ideas about the subject, which function as a drag anchor on any positive discussion. Ideas about sex, which were probably inculcated at a very young age and represent ideas that have persisted down the generations are often very toxic and confronting those attitudes is probably the hardest thing one will ever have to do.

But this is not just about confronting these issues in other people, but recognising and confronting them within yourself. We are all held down by all sorts of experiences, traumas, indoctrinations and ideologies, which we ourselves are not even aware of. A positive attitude towards sex and sexual discussion can only help us to liberate ourselves from these ideologies and from the unknown monsters of the Id that lurk below!

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Suzi Sims-Fletcher furnishes us with some brilliantly funny insights into the way in which dating apps do and don't work. Like most people, she has tried them out and found them to be less than successful. That is not to say that the dating sites themselves are less than optimal, but many of the people using them (and again, we have to say here, mostly, though not exclusively, men) are sometimes less than honest about things from marital status to age, weight and size.

Back in the day, when there was only guardian soulmates and you actually had to put pen to paper or meet people IRL, things were very different, and it is, perhaps, one of the reasons why our generation finds it more difficult to get on with online dating. All things being considered though, there is an enormous range of stuff out there to choose from, and all it takes is a little courage and the ability to use a laptop and the world is your oyster.

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Some eight years ago, Richard became a widower and after the trauma of losing his wife he was eventually confronted by the difficulty of dating again. All sorts of considerations came into view, considerations that many people struggle to deal with. Bereavement often leaves the woman to deal with all these issues given the fact that usually it is the man who dies first. Richard’s experience lead him to think again about the ways in which men are almost completely unprepared for a life after a marriage or partnership. Very often they lack a lot of the basic skills for living alone and, when it comes to dating, they often feel all at sea.

Of course, bereavement is not the only reason that men may be looking around again for a new partner, and the dating game is a confusing one in which they are confronted with some of the complexities of gender differences. Richard talks quite clearly hear about some of those differences, in particular, the broad focus on emotional issues that women tend to have compared to the somewhat narrower object-oriented approach of the male.

In order to help men with these issues, he set himself up as the Widower’s Wingman, offering practical advice on dating for men who have perhaps got out of the habit of thinking about how to present themselves to the world, and how to interact with women in a way that makes them interesting potential partners. This has now become his full-time job and it is a service that is sorely needed.

Oh, and because we forgot to ask him, we should say that Richard found love again.

http://thewidowerswingman.com/

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This week, Suzanne and Peter discuss the impact of STIs among the older age group. Recent statistics have shown that while there has been a sudden percent decline in the numbers of 18 to 24-year-olds contracting an STI, among the age group 50 to 64, the numbers have shown an increase by around 14%. This is probably a function of several different factors working together, but in general, we can say that it goes alongside an increased divorce rate among older people, which almost inevitably leads to more dating, more opportunities and more sex.

One might will argue that this is simply the price that has to be paid for sexual liberation and increased sexual activity and a later age, but this shouldn't mean that we do not take this rise in STIs among the older population seriously. The many different infections that one can contact, from herpes to HIV, are serious and long-lasting health problems that can be avoided by the simple use of a condom. It is certainly the case that older men, especially, have an aversion to the use of condoms, especially given the case that conception is no longer likely to follow from intercourse.

However, this is one area where older people can certainly learn from the young and think about the ways in which these potentially serious health problems can be avoided. Sex can be a wonderful and fun part of growing older, and it would be a shame to spoil it for want of a dash of rubber.

"To travel is to find oneself". We often think of travel as a way of discovering new countries and new experiences, and yet we also often find that the problem is not so much the person we are travelling with but ourselves. Suzanne found recently when on a short break in Istanbul with a man, she had recently learned that keeping our expectations of relationships in check is essential. A friend of Peter’s drove out into the Peak District on a beautiful weekend, only to find nowhere to park. She spent a couple of hours driving around and then came home. Dating can be very much like that!

The thing that both of them took away from their experiences was that one has to be happy in one's own company, and to be able to cope with disappointments that inevitably come along and to make the most of them. Maybe that is what has happened with older people today; we are perhaps less likely to do what is expected of us and to put ourselves second. Making a priority of our lives and everything we do in them is a hard lesson to learn, but as our generation grows older, it becomes increasingly important.

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In which we discuss friendship, intimacy and libido, and try to approach that age-old, Harry met Sally question of whether men and women can be just friends, or whether there is always just a little part of usually the man that is always there hanging around in the background, waiting for an opportunity to take things further.

It is important not to extrapolate from one’s own predilections and to assume that all men or all women are something or other based on a sample size of one. However, Peter maintains that for him – and he suspects for many other men – an important part of any close relationship is an intimate frisson. We didn't discuss whether this also exists in close non-sexual relationships between straight friends, but it is certainly something worth looking at closely and honestly – or ignoring completely.

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In this episode, we are joined by Sarah Berry, a psychosexual and relationship therapist who talks to us about vaginismus. This can be a problem for many women and is almost exclusively a psychosexual problem, which is often overcome with the right sort of therapy and a sympathetic approach. Although it is a problem for all ages, taken together with vaginal atrophy – which we discussed with Lindsey Hamilton some time ago – it can present older women with particular difficulties.

Although it can appear to emphasise a particular attachment to penetrative sex, rather than the gamut of practices we associate with outercourse, women confronted with vaginismus would also like to be able to engage in penetration by a penis or other insertables if they so desire. Once again, understanding and communication is the key, as is overcoming any sense of shame that there may be associated with this problem.

Sarah Berry: sarahberrytherapy.co.uk.

The College of Sex and Relationship Therapists is a good place to look for individual and couple therapists

https://www.cosrt.org.uk/

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Here we discuss the murky area of consent and coercion in sexual relationships. Of course, these two things are very different and clear if things are clear in your head, but in reality it can be difficult to decipher when the conversation and activity has moved from a consensual one to a coercive one. This is particularly the case for young people, just setting out on the dating and relationship game but rather than being solely about age, it is something which is a problem for anyone who is launching themselves into the dating scene.

We are joined by Rhiannon, a sexologist from the Bedbible website, a resource available for all those who are interested in a more detailed discussion of sex and relationships.

As older people, often in relationships for maybe decades, we are confronted with perhaps slightly different concerns when it comes to coercion. People fall into patterns of behaviour within a relationship that can be coercive in an unconscious way. Often we only have the feeling that something is coercive and wrong within our sexual relations and perhaps follow the desire for a quiet life, or simply to please our partner rather than ourselves. Again, this is an issue that needs airing and discussing and hopefully this podcast will give some impetus and information towards doing so.

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Women’s bodies are a mystery, often as much to ourselves as to others with whom we are intimate. And nowhere is arguably more mysterious than the clitoris. While most people know what it looks like from the outside, far fewer recognise that it extends into the vaginal walls, where it has more than 10k nerve endings.

Together with my new co-host and author of the book Radical Intimacy, Zoe Kors, we talk about the internal workings of the clitoris, the emphasis placed on having an orgasm and whether or not we should be hung up on how many types of orgasms we have.

We also speak about self-pleasure, how it’s a woman’s responsibility to know her body, and the myth around men ‘giving’ women orgasms.

If you like this episode, leave a comment, share with your friends and help us to reach more people.

Further reading:

Our Bodies, Ourselves Updated.

Come as you are.

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When is the right time to talk to our children about sex, and how should we do it? It’s estimated that most children will have viewed porn by the time they are 10; some say it’s as young as eight years old. Zoe and I discuss our own experience of learning about sex and how we talked about it with our children.

Plus, she shares tips for how to broach the topic, help children to understand about pleasure (that doesn’t have to be sexual) and about the difference between what they see on screen and real-life intimacy. It’s a complicated and challenging topic, not least because if our experience of learning about sex was cloaked in shame, it can inform how we discuss it with others.

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There’s a cliche that says, “The best feeling is kissing someone for the first time when you’ve wanted to kiss them for a long time.” But what happens when that first kiss isn’t what you expect, disappointing, and doesn’t match your kissing style? Is a bad kiss the beginning of the end?

On the podcast, sexologist Zoe Kors and Suzanne Noble discuss bad kisses they have experienced and their views on whether or not it’s possible to change how a person kisses. They share what makes a good kiss and memorable kisses. You may be surprised to hear their thoughts. They would love to know what you think about kissing, so leave a comment or message them. What was your worst kiss, and what made it so bad?

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If you’re new to online dating, you’ll probably have encountered potential partners that look too good to be true. And, chances are, that’s because they typically are not what they appear.

In this episode, we look at a few red flags or people to avoid or be suspected of, especially if you’re seeking a relationship using the internet. We also talk about first-date red flags and other warning signs in those early days of dating.

There are plenty of wonderful people out there for you to meet, but best to be cautious until you’ve met and established whether there’s genuine chemistry and enough shared interests to sustain whatever type of relationship you seek.

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Getting hard, getting it up, keeping it up. There are so many ways for the penis not to work; it’s a wonder when it does. Erectile dysfunction can happen to men of all ages, but the percentages increase when men hit 40.

There are many reasons for unreliable erections, but mostly they are psychological. Lack of confidence, fear, underlying trauma, stress, and anxiety can all prevent a man from having an erection and rarely because they’re not sexually attracted to their partner.

In this episode, Suzanne Noble and sexologist Zoë Kors discuss unreliable erections and what guys (and gals) can do about them. We’d love to hear your thoughts and recommendations for future episodes.

https://www.zoekors.com/

Our sex toy site: https://sunsetsatisfaction.com

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Every woman’s experience of the menopause is different but, for many, it’s the impact on one’s libido that can come as a real shock. Along with hot flashes, fuzzy brain, Zoe and Suzanne discuss how the menopause affected them and how they have dealt with it.

HRT or Bio-Identical hormones can certainly help, but not all women want to or are able to take them.

If you’re single or in a new relationship, then you can start as you mean to go on with a new partner. But what happens in a long-term relationship when your sex life dries up?

We don’t have all the answers and we’re keen to hear from you as to how the menopause has changed the way you think about sex and sexual relationships.

Thanks to our sponsors Sunset Satisfaction - the sex toy and book shop for over 50s. Sunsetsatisfaction.com

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

Every woman’s experience of the menopause is different but, for many, it’s the impact on one’s libido that can come as a real shock. Along with hot flashes, fuzzy brain, Zoe and Suzanne discuss how the menopause affected them and how they have dealt with it.

HRT or Bio-Identical hormones can certainly help, but not all women want to or are able to take them.

If you’re single or in a new relationship, then you can start as you mean to go on with a new partner. But what happens in a long-term relationship when your sex life dries up?

We don’t have all the answers and we’re keen to hear from you as to how the menopause has changed the way you think about sex and sexual relationships.

Thanks to our sponsors Sunset Satisfaction - the sex toy and book shop for over 50s. Sunsetsatisfaction.com

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

Let’s clarify - we don’t “give” each other orgasms. That’s the topic of this week’s podcast, where we talk about why we need to step away from the shitty narrative that says it’s the responsibility of one sexual partner to give the other an orgasm. It doesn’t matter what your gender is; being told, “I’m going to give you the greatest orgasm you ever had” (or some variation) can feel like a lot of pressure.

You may feel stressed, be on medication which makes having an orgasm challenging or, for instance, an older woman with depleted estrogen, all of which can contribute to your ability to orgasm.

Add to this the requirement to orgasm to satisfy a partner who associates having an orgasm with their own prowess - it’s time we stop considering an orgasm as the big goal in life and consider it instead as one of many ways to achieve pleasure.

Let’s consider how we can communicate what helps us to become aroused and work on ensuring that we meet those needs instead of trying to satisfy our fragile egos.

Thanks to our first few supporters who contributed to the running cost and the time commitment to producing this weekly podcast. It was a wonderful surprise to wake up to find you value what we do enough to dig into your pocket.

Check out our sex toy shop sunsetsatisfaction.com to explore sex toys, lubes and books to help enhance your intimate life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

One of the benefits of being an older, single person is to consider what type of future relationship you want (or not). Thanks to the apps like Feeld, where you can self-identify in so many ways, they provide their own glossary of terms, and you can decide whether or not monogamy is for you.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is becoming an increasingly popular choice amongst younger people, but there’s no reason why it’s the sole preserve of the young. While it may seem, at first glance, to be one of those you-can-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too types of relationships, it requires a high degree of communication and trust.

In this week’s episode, we talk about what to consider if you want to be in an ethical non-monogamous relationship or if you want to be, as Suzanne self-identifies, single-ish.

We have also introduced a very low-cost subscription. For the cost of an expensive coffee or terrible glass of wine every month, you can now access any previous podcasts going back three weeks or more. We hope you will consider this as a way of helping to keep us going, cover our costs and remove the stigma of sex in later life.

Founder members can reach hundreds of subscribers by appearing on our sponsorship page.

Thank you to our Sponsor of the Week:

Nikki Kenward (Founder Member) is an Upledger CranioSacral Therapist, specialising in trauma, gut health and mental health. She is an author with years of experience in emotional stress and gut health. You can find out more about her here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Dating profiles. They’re a minefield of bad photos (typically, but not always, of men), half-truths and outright lies. But today’s episode is only partly about that because we’ve covered dating in the past, and we know that for many people, it’s a massive time suck that leads to nothing but disappointment.

It doesn’t have to be, however, if you start off as you mean to go on. In this episode, we talk about what it means to date with intent, think about what you want in a relationship, and consciously swipe past those who don’t fit your criteria, no matter how hot they may be.

We discuss the challenge of setting clear boundaries when there’s a mismatch. And also about how lying may be OK in the context of age as long as you are open and honest early on about the actual number.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the dating world.

Posts over two weeks old are now in the Sex Advice for Seniors archive, and there’s a treasure trove of great stuff to uncover there. If you like your podcasts nice and juicy, consider that £4.99/month subscription money well spent.

Thanks to Peter Marriott for editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

When it comes to sex toys, lube and stuff designed to enhance sexual pleasure, there’s no shortage of products from which to choose. But how can you ensure that what you’re using isn’t causing more harm than good?

Samantha Evans co-founded the sex toy shop Jo Divine, and many of her customers are older. As a former nurse, she is used to discussing intimate issues, and she’s on a mission to remove the taboo around older people and sex by being open and honest about her own challenges.

During this frank conversation, Sam shared her expertise around choosing sex toys and lube, what to avoid and why choosing the right products can mean the difference between having good sex or ending up with a bad case of thrush or worse.

We talk about some of the difficulties her customers have faced when discussing sex with medical professionals, how the NHS is not well equipped in this area, with many doctors and nurses shying away from the topic or simply providing lousy advice.

If you want to check out Jo Divine, Sam has given Sex Advice for Seniors listeners a limited-time discount of 10%.

Use code is SAS10 (£5 minimum spend on full-priced products excluding P&P) ENDS 06/10/23. Click here to go to the site.

We welcome your comments and your sharing of this post.

We are entirely voluntarily run, and your low-cost subscription helps to keep the wheels churning, the various software subscriptions paid, and for us to continue our mission to help older people have a healthier and happier sex life. Do consider supporting us if you are able.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

While Zoe is away at a yoga retreat, I thought it would be fun to hear from former co-host Peter about what life has been like since he moved to Sheffield. So, not so much sex from him, but a much happier-sounding Peter enjoying his new environment.

While this podcast is dedicated to sex and sexual pleasure, Peter points out how much one’s living circumstances and personal happiness can help alleviate the desire for sex. Not that the feeling goes away, but perhaps it’s not so urgent when one is less lonely.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

We appreciate your contributions towards our running costs and helping more people enjoy a healthier, happier sex life. Please consider becoming a subscriber.

What is consent, and how do you make sure that, when it comes to sexual intimacy, there’s mutual consent? Mostly, it’s black and white - yes means yes and no means no. But what happens if one or both people are not in complete control of their facilities? Could a yes be a no once the booze or drugs have worn off?

Or what happens if you like your sex on the kinky side, how familiar are you with safe words and knowing when to use them?

In this frank discussion, Zoe shares her challenges around consent. She shares how to practise consent with oneself to make it easy with others. We talk about how porn has influenced and greyed the area of consent and how becoming more confident with age, can help to create clearer boundaries.

If you like this and our other episodes, please consider becoming one of our paid-for subscribers. Your subscription helps to pay for our recording equipment and may, one day, support those of us who currently do this voluntarily, includingPeter Marriott, our illustrious editor!

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is probably our most explicit episode yet, so you may want to listen to this one when you’re not at work.

Can you talk about the penis when you don’t have one? Well, why not, we say? As two women who enjoy giving men oral sex, we ask how important is technique versus enthusiasm. We talk about the male pleasure zones, including the scrotum, the frenulum, the perineum and the prostate. And nipples.

We discuss some of our encounters and what excites us when it comes to giving head and what’s a real turn-off. It’s a fun and frank episode, and we both enjoyed talking about this, so I hope you enjoy it too!! You have been warned…

If you enjoyed this, why not consider becoming a subscriber and paying towards our running costs? For the price of one cup of mocha coffee from Black Sheep on Baker Street (that’s in London), you can buy a monthly subscription! And consider how much more nutritious we are than that.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Just a short while ago, the idea of older individuals dating, kissing, or engaging in sexual activities was considered quite gross. However, now it has become a topic of great interest in both the United States with the recent introduction on television of the Golden Bachelor, and in the United Kingdom with My Mum, Your Dad.

The notable distinction between shows like Love Island and First Dates, which primarily target younger individuals, and these new programmes catering to older participants is that the older contestants don't seem to anticipate achieving Instagram fame, securing sponsorship deals with Boohoo, or being discovered by talent agencies. Their sole objective is to find a suitable partner, plain and simple.

We generally perceive this as a positive development, although the concept of being confined in a house with 30 women competing for the affection of a single man may appear sexist to us. However, if it generates entertaining television and helps more individuals realise that there is no age limit to finding love, then what harm does it really cause? We’re looking forward to seeing how all of this pans out.

If you like this podcast and would like to help support its running costs which include software subscriptions, hosting and our time putting it all together, please consider being a paid-for subscriber. We’ll happily show you some love on our sponsorship page or a privately recorded message - if that’s your thing. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

What do you do if you’re an older woman with a declining libido?

If you’re Suzanne, you go to a swinging club to rev it up. While this may not be everyone’s idea of a good time, if you have an open mind and the ability to say ‘no’ when called for, it can be a fun way to spend a night and become aroused.

In this episode, Suzanne shares her experience of going to a club, near Heathrow, with a playmate and a couple. She talks about the rules of engagement, her attitude towards swapping and how playing Jenga can be an icebreaker!

Zoe suggests that there are different ways to approach the experience - whether that’s sitting back and watching, or being watched. And how setting boundaries and sticking to them can be an interesting form of self-development.

If you’ve never been to a swinging club and wonder what it must be like, have a listen!

We’d appreciate if you would subsidise the time and effort it takes, not to mention the cost of the field research, to create this weekly podcast, by upgrading from a free to paid subscription. For a price of a cup of coffee, you contribute to helping older people to have a happier and, potentially, more expansive sex life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

A bit out of the usual episode, this week we talk to psychotherapist Caroline Bobby who spent 10 years, from 2007 to 2017, ‘stroking naked men.’ She reflects on this period of her life, her motivation for engaging with men in this way and what occurred during those years.

Sex work is laden with judgement, but Caroline’s experience of using psychotherapy and the power of touch, to open doors to intimacy, is the complete opposite of performative role-playing. Her work instead speaks to the transformative power of genuine human connection.

We encourage you to listen with an open mind and heart.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a volunteer-run podcast with the aim of helping older people have a healthier and happier sex life. If you would like to support our running costs, please consider taking out a subscription. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can ensure we are able to continue. :)

Thanks to Peter Marriott for the editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week has been all about Suzanne’s night sweats, frequent need to pee and feeling generally miserable. Hello urinary tract infection. Ladies of a certain age and men too might want to consider some of the contributing causes, and it’s not all about wiping in the wrong direction. Someone else’s saliva may also make its way into the urethra which is even more likely if the person in question, considers that inserting his tongue as far up one’s vagina as possible is supremely horny.

Horny for who, Zoe and Suzanne ask. Maybe in some ideal porn world where women seem to writhe in pleasure upon a man’s tongue going anywhere near their pussy, but we like our oral sex a bit more clit and less cervix focussed. Just saying.

If you like listening to us ramble on about topics that most women wouldn’t talk about in the toilet with their best friend much less on a podcast with a global reach, send us some Dutch courage in the form of £4.99/month. The sooner we can clear Peter’s bar bill every month, the happier we’ll be.

Thanks to Peter Marriott for editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

After Sam Evans, co-owner of sex toy and pleasure shop Jo Divine, wowed us with her knowledge of lubes, sex toys for girls and overcoming challenges brought on by menopause, we thought we’d ask her partner Paul to give us his thoughts on toys for older men, male sexual health issues and other stuff.

I suspect when most people think of men’s sex toys, they immediately think of the Fleshlight, but men’s toys have moved on since then. Now there are various vibrating penis sleeves, prostate massagers, vibrating and not-vibrating cock rings and anal beads. And stick around until the end, when you’ll hear all about the benefits of using a water-filled penis pump! Who knew??

Paul is a mine of information and clearly could have happily spoken for far longer on pleasure devices for men, so if you do have any questions, be sure to send him a message, and I know he will be happy to answer them.

Do check out JoDivine.com, where you’ll find a range of super sexy and safe toys for both men and women. There’s a 10% time-limited discount code - SAS10 (£5 minimum spend on full-priced products excluding P&P) ENDS 03/11/23

You’ll find lots of information about the Bathmate Penis Pump here too:

https://www.jodivine.com/blogs/bathmate-long-term-review

Sex Advice for Seniors is a listener-supported podcast. If you’d like to contribute to our running costs and help us to keep spreading the word about the benefits of sex in later life, then become a subscriber. It’s only £4.99/month. What else gives you so much pleasure for so little?

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s episode was prompted by a phone-in question on an Irish radio station in which Suzanne recently appeared. The question was from a woman who had a higher sex drive than her (male) partner and was struggling to have her needs met in the relationship.

We often hear from older men who report that their partner, who is typically menopausal or post-menopause, no longer has the same desire for sex in the relationship they had during their younger days. However, what happens when the tables are turned?

We know that reigniting sex in a long-term relationship can be hard, especially if you have found talking about sex difficult. Additionally, the changes that take place in the body, can create a sense of shame. Whether it’s erections that are not always reliable, saggy skin or simply that you have grown up to believe that old people shouldn’t have sex, there are numerous reasons why having sex in later life can be challenging.

We welcome your comments and questions.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s episode was sparked by a man Suzanne met who enjoyed providing a running narrative while they were enjoying intimacy. Although not adverse to dirty talk, this stream of consciousness became distracting. Nevertheless, it helped to get the endorphins flowing, heightened the meeting, and provided the occasional sigh for a couple of days after as she recalled what they had done.

Dirty talk can have that effect, but how to do it, communicate with each other about what does or doesn’t turn you on about it, can mean the difference between super hot sex or becoming wholly turned off.

Zoe has taught workshops on how to get started with dirty talk and shares some of our experience helping couples in this area. It’s not as straightforward as you imagine, especially regarding the words you choose and when to use them.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. If you have enjoyed this podcast or any others, please consider becoming a subscriber and helping pay for our hosting and other costs.

Last week I (Suzanne) was lucky enough to be invited to a party for Substackers, where I metProf Paul Dolan who is a behavioural scientist and has his own Substack, where he examines the science behind happiness. This week he wrote a short piece about escaping narrative traps, which inspired this episode about relationships in later life.

It’s easy if you’re a single woman (or man) seeking a relationship, to desire a partnership similar to the one you may have had in your younger days because of its familiarity. These relationships often served the purpose of bringing up children, maintaining a family or working for financial reasons because splitting the rent on a one-bed apartment is cheaper than as a single person.

Later life relationships, as we discuss, can be different. You may want companionship more than sex, or sex more than companionship. Maybe you want to live apart but be together. Perhaps you want to be polyamorous. Faced with choices, we consider how this stage of our life gives us the opportunity to be more expansive in how we relate to others, rather than sticking with the same old script.

If you like this podcast, you can support us in two ways - spread the word and share with anyone you know who might enjoy listening or become one of our founder subscribers. We’ll be introducing new benefits in the coming year to help enhance your sex life, along with special offers.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

One of the benefits of growing older, if you haven’t already tried it, is discovering kink. There’s no expiration date on exploring alternative lifestyles, if you’ve always been vanilla. In this week’s episode, Zoe shares her experience with visiting a ‘Dom’ stemming initially from her professional interest before turning personal.

Unlike adult lifestyles such as swinging, BDSM rarely involves sexual intercourse; the pleasure comes from impact play and other techniques that may involve using electricity, ticklers, clamps, blindfolds or restraints to heighten the senses.

A word of caution - there are many fraudsters out there who, having seen Fifty Shades of Grey one too many times, confuse BDSM with the right to take advantage of their sub ignoring boundaries and consent. Before you agree to meet someone who advertises themselves as a ‘Dom,’ take proper precautions such as meeting for the first time at one of the many ‘munches,’ a place for kinksters to meet in social, non-kinky spaces.

If you like this or any of our previous episodes, you can show your love by becoming a subscriber. For the price of a coffee, you can help pay our costs and, although we won’t guarantee we won’t keep you up all night, you won’t wake up with the jitters. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In Zoe’s absence, I interviewed Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, author of multiple books including Sex, God, & the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy . Her latest book is Shameless Parenting – Everything You Need to Raise Shame-free, Confident, Kids and Heal Your Shame Too!

It’s almost impossible to separate shame from sex especially if you were brought up in a religious household that preached abstinence until marriage. Or if your sex education suggested that sex was bad and that good girls shouldn’t enjoy it. So it should come as no surprise that in later life, many women especially choose to stop doing it because if it wasn’t pleasurable in the first place, why continue?

What becomes clear during our conversation is that it’s never too late to have pleasurable sex and to help our children grow up to have healthy intimate relationships and ‘heal through the paralysing prison of shame.’

Instagram: @DrTinaShameless

Facebook: facebook.com/TinaSSellers

LinkedIn: drtinaschermesellers

For booking go to: www.tinaschermersellers.com/contact

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, we confront the question of what happens when looking after our parents takes priority over looking after our intimate relationships with our partner.

Five weeks ago, Zoe’s 94-year-old mother had a fall, which left her with fractured vertebrae. Until that time, she had been relatively independent, but her injury left her unable to look after herself, and, as a result, Zoe has been thrust into the world of the American care system.

Those who live in a country where elderly care is a right and not a privilege may not recognise the challenge that many Americans face when dealing with later life, where overwhelming paperwork and onerous deductibles on insurance policies are the norm.

Since we’re Sex Advice for Seniors and not How to Navigate the American Health Care System, we talk about how to make time for your relationship, how you can help a partner who is dealing with similar issues and support them in ways that don’t necessarily lead to penetrative sex. And finally, how to recognise that it’s alright not to feel sexy all the time when you have other priorities in your life!

We’ll take a break to enjoy the holidays next week and back in January. So we hope that wherever you are, you can take some time out to look after yourself and your relationship if you’re in one and spend quality time with your friends and family.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, we share our personal experiences of some of the more bizarre perversions we have encountered in our lives and our attitude towards them. While not all perversions can be directly attributed to the widespread use of pornography, it is undoubtedly a contributing factor.

Additionally, experiences from our youth, when our sexual template was being formed, may also play a part in how we experience sexual pleasure.

What happens when our partner’s need for specific scenarios goes beyond what we are happy to do or gives us pleasure? How do we reconcile our sexual desires with our love for another?

We welcome your comments and thoughts.

As we head into the New Year, we are also considering what else we can do to help those who want to enhance their sex life, either with a partner or on their own. We have some ideas that we’ll be sharing with you shortly, so keep subscribing and listening. :)

If you are seeking couples coaching or want to an individual session with Zoë Kors, you can find her at:

https://www.zoekors.com/

Buy her book Radical Intimacy from Amazon here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

If you’ve ever wondered what a sexologist actually does, you’re about to find out as co-host Zoe Kors explains her work as a sex and intimacy coach.

While she explains that sometimes issues, such as a mismatched libido, may be relatively easy to solve (in some cases), in most cases, having better sex can mean overcoming shame, trauma or abuse. Better sex is usually about more than technique, but in becoming liberated from whatever hangups, compulsions or fears may be preventing you from being fully present with yourself or another.

It’s work that is varied and complex, not easy to categorise as it traverses psychotherapy and sexual therapy.

If you’re struggling to have a healthy sex life or want a better sex life, she currently has a few slots open for new clients.

Listen and learn. :)

If you are seeking couples coaching or want to an individual session with Zoë Kors, you can find her at:

https://www.zoekors.com/

Buy her book Radical Intimacy from Amazon here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This covers our ongoing costs for recording software Riverside.fm, and subscriptions to platforms such as Podstatus, Databox, and Repurpose.io, which keep the engine running. We don’t pay ourselves but that would be welcome in the future as it all takes time.

One of the most popular questions we have been asked is how do you keep sex alive in a long-term relationship? As Zoe says, when you’ve known someone for 150 years, and they are no longer mysterious, it’s common for sex to go out the window. And this is especially true if your bodies are no longer the shape they were when you met your partner, and your libido isn’t what it used to be either.

But, as the cliche goes, if there’s a will, there’s a way. And couples that want to have more sex, or any sex at all, are in a far better position to make that happen than those for whom it’s no longer critical (which is fine, by the way, too).

It's important to remember that sex in a long-term relationship is not solely defined by novelty or physical appearance. While maintaining a passionate and fulfilling sex life can be challenging over time, it is undoubtedly possible with open communication, creativity, and a willingness to adapt.

Prioritising intimacy and emotional connection outside the bedroom can significantly enhance sexual intimacy. Ultimately, the key is to accept that the person you are now is different to the person you were in your earlier years. By understanding and accepting your older sexual self, you can discover new ways to be intimate in later life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This covers our ongoing costs for recording software Riverside.fm, and subscriptions to platforms such as Podstatus, Databox, and Repurpose.io, which keep the engine running. We don’t pay ourselves but that would be welcome in the future as it all takes time.

Avoiding pornography is nearly impossible nowadays, unlike in the past when it was only accessible in XXX cinemas or hidden behind the counter in seedy magazine shops. Today, it's readily available on your phone, laptop, and home computer, allowing you to find whatever you desire with just a few keystrokes.

While there's a lot of discussion about how young people are learning about sex from pornography, there's not as much focus on the harm it can cause to older individuals, both those in long-term relationships and those entering the dating scene. Particularly for men, if they've been without a partner for a significant amount of time, pornography can serve as a way to relieve sexual frustration. This doesn't mean that women aren't affected by it as well, but the statistics suggest that it's more of a problem for men.

The Sex Advice for Seniors TikTok channel has received numerous comments from women over the past 18 months, asking for advice on how to prevent their male partners from watching porn. In this episode, we discuss how to identify a porn addiction and the steps you can take to rebuild intimacy in your relationship.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, pay for our ongoing running costs, why not become a free or paid subscriber?

We were delighted to have a very special guest on the show this week, Dr. Lauren Streicher MD, talking primarily about the research findings from the recently published ‘Kinsey Institute survey, executed in exclusive partnership with Cosmopolitan, in which a national demographically representative sample of 3,001 women in the U.S. ages 60 and up come clean about everything from their desire for sex to their deepest fantasies.’

Dr Streicher is a gynaecologist and sexual health expert. She is an associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. She is also a Senior Research Fellow of the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University and the Medical Director of Patient Education and Community Outreach for Midi Health. She hosts her podcast, Dr. Streicher’s Inside Information

https://www.drstreicher.com/about

https://www.drstreicher.com/podcast#episodes

LinkedIn @DrStreicher

Instagram @DrSTREICH 

@MidiHealth

Facebook @DrStreicher

Dr. Streicher’s Inside Information books

Midi Health

We need your help! Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Every new subscriber is two fingers up to a society who continue to ignore the sexual rights of older people.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, and it happened this week. I found myself being targeted by a group of (I assume) Far Right, conservative men who took offence to my suggestion that excessive consumption of pornography could have negative effects on one's sex life.

As one would expect, this rather unremarkable and self-evident observation triggered a barrage of abusive comments. Fortunately, those comments have been deleted, and the individuals responsible have been blocked. This all unfolded on Facebook because TikTok has a more effective system for removing hate speech compared to Meta.

Despite claiming that I didn't care and wasn't paying attention, I couldn't help but notice as the notifications kept pouring in, one after another, each one mentioning my supposed lack of attractiveness, my delivery style being off-putting, or whatever else these trolls deemed worthy of commenting on.

This week has been significant in various ways, mostly positive. A writer from the Mail newspaper featured me as a "granfluencer," even though I don't have grandchildren. Additionally, the Sun newspaper wrote today about my passion for experiencing orgasms, with or without a partner.

Furthermore, we have secured a sponsor who will assist in covering the costs of running this podcast, and we will be collaborating with them on TikTok. The sponsor is OhmiBod, and together we aim to "Shift the Evolution of Pleasure." I'll be trying out some of their products, including the Lovelife Rev, which boasts an innovative design that is particularly suitable for women with arthritis. Go and check them out.

All of these topics and more are discussed in this week's episode. Listen in and if you fancy subscribing for £4.99/month or £49.99/year to support our work and because you believe that what we do to help older people have a healthier sex life is worth the price of a cup of coffee, do consider becoming a paid subscriber. Every penny counts.

Suzanne

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s fascinating guest is Dr. Eliot Justin, CEO and founder of FirmTech, a wearable tech company which has created an innovative cock ring, that provides men with information about their nocturnal erections, a leading indicator of vascular health.

Did you know that a healthy man will have 3-5 nocturnal erections each night? And that erectile dysfunction is not just a later-in-life problem; 30% of men at the age of 30 suffer from ED. This number increases by 10% every decade of age. As Dr. Justin explains, ED can be caused by several factors including taking antidepressants and other medication, but several studies have shown that a man with ED has a greater risk of having heart disease.

We’ve spoken about penis pumps as a way to improve penile health, but cockrings have also been shown to help maintain the blood in the penis, leading to longer-lasting erections. While most are quite rudimentary in design, FirmTech is producing something quite superior, with its MaxPR product, featuring an innovative easy on/off hook and latch design that can be comfortably worn for up to 90 minutes.

We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it with Eliot.

If you want to test any of FirmTech’s products, use the code SEXWITHNOBLE to get 10% off any product from their site here.

* Website – myfirmtech.com

* LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliot-justin-md/

* Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/myfirmtech/

* Code – “SEXWITHNOBLE” to receive 10 per cent off their next order

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I came across Maria Cyndi's Instagram profile recently, where she has started advocating for and celebrating the sexual rights of disabled people. I immediately felt that we should have her on our show. In the past, when Peter was a co-host, we did touch upon this topic, mainly from a male perspective as he lives with MS.

However, we believed it was important to approach the subject again, this time from a female point of view. During our conversation with Maria, we discussed many aspects that we hadn't previously explored.

One clear observation we made is that when it comes to inclusivity, particularly regarding sexual rights, older disabled women face significant challenges. There seems to be an assumption that they are asexual. Maria shared her personal experiences, including a visit to the doctor for a smear test that left her feeling uncertain, as well as another instance where her disability made it difficult for the radiographer to obtain a complete picture of her breasts during a mammogram.

If you want to follow Maria on Instagram and support her work, you can do so here:

https://instagram.com/maria_cyndi02

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this week's episode, we interview Suki Dunham, the creator of the first device that combines music and vibrations, developed in 2006. Since then, she has developed a wide range of innovative sexual pleasure products under her brand, OhMiBod.

During the interview, we discuss Suki's career journey, from her time at Apple to her decision to start a sex tech business. We also delve into her latest creation, the Lovelife Rev, a specially designed toy for older individuals or those who may experience arthritis. Lastly, we touch upon the importance of being cautious when purchasing a sex toy to ensure that the materials used are safe and won't cause harm.

We are thrilled to announce that OhMiBod is now a sponsor of Sex Advice for Seniors. Both OhMiBod and our team believe in spreading the message that people can enjoy fulfilling sexual experiences, regardless of their age.

If you’d like to help us spread the word and keep Sex Advice for Seniors going, click on any of our affiliate links in the shop section. We’ll receive a small commission for anything you purchase.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, I'm having a conversation with sex coach Marie Morice, who uses the female archetype of Lilith to help women embrace their sexuality. I'm familiar with Lilith because I've read Monique Roffey's book, 'The Tryst.' It's a modern fable where Lilah's arrival transforms a couple's relationship, loosely based on Lilith's persona. So I was curious to talk to Marie and learn about her perspective on Lilith and how it influences her work.

Marie is based in London and works with many older women. Some of her clients want to gain sexual confidence, while others who are in relationships want to enhance their sexual experiences.

I encourage you to listen to the conversation, and if you have any questions or comments for Marie or me, please let me know!

As always, I appreciate your support. I'll be adding an extra post each week exclusively for paid subscribers. These posts will usually be sex toy reviews, but they could also be answers to your questions. Do consider supporting Sex Advice for Seniors via a paid subscription if possible.

You can read about Marie’s forthcoming novel: https://manhuntinginmanhattan.com/

Find Marie’s website here: lilithyourlife.com

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

You're never too old to engage in sexual activity, although in a care home setting, it may seem otherwise due to staff often neglecting the need for intimacy in later life.

In this episode, I interview Kelly Connell, a sex educator who has worked in various settings, including retirement communities and community centers for older individuals. It is fascinating to hear her perspective on the challenges she encounters in her work and the types of questions that older people ask her about sex and dating, which highlights the lack of available information.

The main focus of this podcast has always been to support older people in having satisfying sexual experiences, based on their own preferences. It is important to acknowledge that sexual activity can continue until the end of our lives, if desired.

However, my conversation with Kelly clearly indicates that there is still much work to be done to ensure that older people, particularly those in care home settings, are not deprived of their sexual autonomy, and that their relatives and staff are there to offer support.

www.kellyconnellconsulting.com

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. We rely on your contributions to continue to pay for the hosting and other costs of maintaining this podcast.

In this week's episode, I delve into the topic of finding love as a woman aged 50 and above. Joining me as a guest is Lisa Copeland, a dating coach and the founder of Find a Quality Man, based in Cleveland, Ohio. Lisa brings her firsthand experience of seeking love later in life, having been married for over 20 years.

Having spent more than 20 years navigating the world of dating, I understand that at this stage in life, we may seek a different kind of relationship than our younger years. However, it's common to fall into the trap of holding onto the old Cinderella concept, believing in instant attraction and the idea that someone out there will sweep us off our feet.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

During my conversation with Lisa, I thoroughly enjoyed exchanging dating stories and gaining insights on avoiding online dating scams. We also discussed strategies for navigating the crucial first date and the essential questions to ask during that initial meeting.

Ultimately, it boils down to knowing what you truly desire. If you're uncertain about your own wants and needs, it's unlikely that you'll find a high-quality partner. So, to all the single individuals out there, I wish you fruitful searching, and I hope you find value in this episode!

https://findaqualityman.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisacopelanddatingcoach

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/lisaacopeland/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/copelandlisa

Instagram: www.instagram.com/over50datecoach

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKghu6KAXE2TecDc7SGygZg

Christine Baumgartner was an experienced dating and relationship coach when her husband died six years ago. Little did she realize back then that her own experience navigating grief, confusion, and reconnection would ultimately lead her to coach other widowers.

In this episode, we discuss the unique experience of dating after loss, especially around body confidence and sexual dysfunction. Christine offers great tips on overcoming feelings of not feeling as fit and frisky as earlier in life, and how she works with both men and women to help them stop chasing unsuitable partners and find "the perfect catch."

The good news is that many of Christine's clients have discovered there are safe and proactive ways to re-enter the dating world that truly work.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Perfect Catch/Facebook

Christine Baumgartner/LinkedIn

@coachchristinebaumgartner/ Instagram

@ThePerfectCatch)/Twitter

Coach Christine Baumgartner/ YouTube

Trigger Warning: This episode addresses sensitive topics related to male sexual abuse, grooming, and rape.

The inspiration for this episode came from watching the popular Netflix TV show "Baby Reindeer," which is based on a true story. It follows a struggling comedian who becomes the target of a mentally unstable woman. Simultaneously, he seeks the attention of a successful comedy writer who ends up abusing him. While the series explores various issues, one aspect that stood out to me was the intense shame experienced by the character due to the abuse. Additionally, it delves into the confusion surrounding his sexuality and the shame he carries due to the events that took place.

It wasn't until I embarked on my own sexual journey in my forties, exploring alternative lifestyles and having conversations with men, that I began to comprehend the prevalence of sexual abuse experienced by older men. Often, these traumatic experiences occurred during their time in boarding schools or within the Catholic church. I heard their stories so often, that I began to believe that anyone aged 50+ who had not suffered abuse, whether sexual or emotional, was the exception that proved the rule.

In this candid discussion with Dr. Graham Stevenson, an intimacy and relationship coach, we delve into his own childhood experience of sexual abuse. Dr. Stevenson shares the personal work he has undertaken to overcome his own shame and how he has assisted others in their healing journeys. We also explore how unresolved trauma can profoundly affect one's interpersonal relationships.

Among the podcasts I have hosted, I firmly believe it is crucial to foster an environment where we can openly share our experiences. By doing so, we can offer support to others who may be facing similar challenges.

https://www.doctorgraham.co.uk/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, I had a lot of fun exploring with Ralph the concept of kinkiness and how older individuals can embrace their kinkier side later in life.

Ralph is a multi-talented professional who works as a writer and musician in both mainstream and adult content industries. He is the co-host of the "Licking Non-Vanilla" podcast, an anthologist, editor, columnist, blogger, produced playwright, adult scene scriptwriter, toy reviewer, SEO web writer, kink convention teacher, press agent, and interviewer. Needless to say, he possesses extensive knowledge about kink.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Speaking from my personal experience, as someone who discovered kink in my forties, I may be a bit biased, but I believe it is one of the most inclusive lifestyles I have encountered. When I delved into the world of BDSM, for example, I noticed that people of all ages and abilities were present. It was within the kink community that I began to comprehend the relationship between pain and pleasure, the role of role-playing and fantasies in safely exploring forbidden topics, and how to establish deeper connections with partners beyond traditional sexual intercourse.

Ralph is entertaining, and you’ll love listening to him.

If you want to hear more from Ralph, check out his podcast, Licking Non-Vanilla, here.

I like Ralph's six-part series on Love, Sex & Kink here.

If you’d like to book a 1:2:1 coaching session with me, click the link below. If you’re seeking the voice of experience over academic qualifications related to all things sexual, I’m your gal. Discretion assured.

Firstly, I want to warmly welcome all my new subscribers. Thanks to a recent article in The Guardian about sex among individuals over 50, many of you have joined. I'm glad to have you here, and I encourage you to explore the previous episodes of my podcast. They cover a wide range of topics, including exploring tantra in later life, discussing kinks, various sexual health dysfunctions, online dating, and much more.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week's podcast features a fascinating conversation with Tiffany Zahara. Tiffany specialises in assisting businesses that face censorship due to societal stigmas and government regulations. She provides comprehensive support to help these businesses focus on their areas of expertise and maximise their impact on the world.

In addition to her professional work, Tiffany has personal experience as a sex worker. She writes and speaks about the importance of normalising conversations around controversial topics such as intimacy and pleasure, which are often subjected to stigma, shame, and censorship.

During our conversation, we delved into the practical aspects of sex work, its role in maintaining long-term relationships, what typically happens during a session, and where to find workers who cater to specific preferences. We also discussed the significance of decriminalization and the need to protect the rights of sex workers.

You can find more information about Tiffany here.

I encourage you to subscribe and share this post/podcast, which I have created to help more older people to have a happy and healthier sex life. If you know of someone who would make a great guest or would like to nominate yourself, let me know. I have also opened up the chat function for paid subscribers whom are free to ask questions.

Subscribing costs a very reasonable £4.99 per month or £49.99 per year and goes towards the various costs I incur as a result of doing this such as hosting, recording software, social media tools. I welcome your contribution.

Today's podcast episode came about from a conversation I recorded with Paul Telford, the CEO of Emotional Bliss, a company focused on sexual pleasure. Paul has made it his mission to support older women in attaining sexual satisfaction. I was introduced to Paul by another guest, Kelly Connell, who suggested we discuss Paul's interest in how orgasms can help alleviate menopause symptoms. While I don't completely dismiss this idea, I believe that anything that feels good raises dopamine levels and enhances physical connection with a partner benefits both physical and mental health.

Originally from Yorkshire, Paul may not be the person you would immediately associate with someone who cares about women's sexual health. However, his perspective changed after a conversation with a sex therapist.

According to Paul, "During that encounter, I discovered that a significantly higher number of women rely on antidepressants compared to men. This is because men self-medicate throughout their lives, and it's even encouraged, while most women do not."

Paul began collaborating with leading sex therapists, as well as mechanical and electrical engineers. This collaboration led to the creation of Emotional Bliss, which developed prototypes of intimate massagers for women. After extensive work to find the best shapes, contact areas, textures, and vibrations, they received feedback and now offer a range of products with innovative features. These include incorporating heat and specific low vibrations that are ideal for targeting the larger clitoral nerves.

I hope you’ll enjoy this episode, and if you’d like to win an Emotional Bliss Intimate Massager, we have two to give away. All you have to do is refer your friends to this newsletter. The one who generates the most sign-ups by 30th June will win a vibrator.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week's podcast discusses how relationships can recover after one person has had an affair. It also explores how one's upbringing can contribute to the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship.

Thomas Gagliano speaks with authority as a person who has battled his own demons and, as an addict in recovery, discusses how family dynamics can lead to a less-than-ideal foundation for building a strong relationship.

Gagliano focuses on helping individuals and families navigate difficult situations and relationships through empathy, understanding, and personal growth in his professional practice.

Working with men in groups, couples, and individuals, he guides his clients to understand how to have uncomfortable conversations, unlearn behaviors that no longer serve them well, and repair relationships that may have come apart.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Thomas Gagliano is the author of The Problem Was Me”

IG: @theproblemwasme 

FB: Thomas Gagliano

FB: TheProblemwasme

Youtube: Thomas Gagliano

Twitter: @ThomasGagliano 

Website – Theproblemwasme.com

Interested in reaching my audience? You can sponsor our newsletter here.

This week, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Rebbeca Lahann, a licensed psychotherapist since the late 1990s who has recently become a certified sex therapist. Her resume is impressively extensive.

Dr. Lahann has delivered many keynote addresses, and our conversation previews her upcoming talk, "Are Your Client's Sexual Values Aligned, or in a 69?", which she will present at the AASECT 2024 Annual Conference in St. Louis, Missouri, on June 12.

As we discussed, personal values serve as a compass that guides our lives and helps us understand and appreciate our self-development. However, when it comes to our sexual values, they may not always be aligned. How many of us, for example, would value honesty but feel reluctant to be completely transparent with our sexual partners?

Alternatively, if our first experiences of sex were non-consensual or shaped by the lens of pornography, how much does this create conflict or misalignment between our sexual values and our personal values? If that is the case, what do we need to do to help align our sexual values with our personal values?

It’s a weighty and multi-layered subject and one I certainly had not considered before.

You can find more information about Dr Lahann on her website here.

https://linktr.ee/DrRebbecaLahann

.

Welcome to Episode 90! It's wonderful to have you here. What started back in 2022 as a bit of a lark with Peter Marriott (who now edits every episode) has turned into a chart-topping podcast, featured in The Guardian, The Telegraph, and multiple women's magazines. Along the way, I've learned more about sex than I thought possible, interviewed amazing experts from all walks of life, and hopefully opened your mind to deepening your own intimacy, whether with yourself or a partner.

This week, I'm in conversation with Colin Richards, whom I first heard about through a friend who had trained with him in sensual massage and spoke highly of him. Colin is well-known in the media, having helped over 8,000 clients since he started his practice back in 2005, to improve their sexual confidence and "gain a broader understanding of their partner's and others' sexuality to enhance their personal and intimate lifestyles."

During our discussion, we explore how intimate massage can be a gateway to understanding one's own erogenous zones and how, by allowing oneself to be pleasured by another with no need for reciprocation, we can experience the sexual pleasure we all deserve. I'm a firm believer that finding one's way to a happy, healthy sex life can happen at any stage of life, and intimate massage can be one way to understand one's own body. I'm looking forward to experiencing one of Colin's divine massages firsthand in a couple of weeks and will report back to paid subscribers.

Speaking of which, many thanks to those of you who have taken up a paid subscription. I truly appreciate it, and I have a backlog of toy reviews to catch up on, which you can look forward to if you're one of those who have chosen to pay £4.99/month. I'll also be sharing details of my holiday in Cap d'Agde, the world's largest naturist village, where I'm currently enjoying a break for a few days. It's a whole lot of fun here!

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive additional posts and discounts from trusted suppliers.

You can find Colin Richards at:

Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/Intimacymatters

Twitter; https://twitter.com/IntimacyMatters

Website: https://www.intimacymatters.co.uk

Colin is a member of The Association of Somatic & Integrative Sexologists

In this week’s episode, I interview Erika Shershun, a licensed therapist specialising in working with sexual trauma survivors, the author of the Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook and facilitator of the PESI Sexual Trauma Clinical Training.

Erika has counselled numerous older people who have had symptoms worsen later in life and is now seeking healing for sexual trauma from years earlier. Often, they’ve been in therapy prior but didn’t get the results they were looking for.

There is no expiry date when it comes to learning how to heal from any form of sexual trauma that may have taken place when a child, a teenager or in adulthood. And, as I’ve heard from specialists working in this area, the more we work through issues from our past, the more likely we will have a fulfilling relationship in the future.

Erika, herself a survivor of sexual trauma, talks about her own healing journey and about how she goes about helping others to “reclaim the life they were meant to live.” She is based in California.

Erika Shershun, MA, LMFT (she/her) Author of the Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook PESI Sexual Trauma Clinical TrainingHealing Sexual Trauma Journey    ErikaShershunTherapy.com | HealingSexualTrauma.com 

This week’s episode is all about the benefits of slow sex. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently, especially after my exquisite massage with Colin Richards, in which I was lucky enough to experience nearly two hours of undivided time completely devoted to my pleasure. After that experience, I immediately went out and bought a feather implement and a back scratcher that I wanted to try out with a lover as a part of a slow sex/massage session.

One of the benefits of being an older person is reconsidering what intimacy can be without the desperate urgency that we may have felt when we were younger to get to the ‘finish line.’ Whether we’re talking about solo pleasure or with a partner, we can take our time and, in doing so, let the experience take us wherever we want it to go.

Amara Charles has three decades of experience as an intimacy coach. In this episode, she shared practical tips for reigniting your sex life and relationships and “becoming the happiest, most fulfilled version of yourself without sacrificing anything.”

If your love life has gone a bit stale, or you’re in an intimacy rut, have a listen. Amara is very generously offering a gift of a 45-minute session for anyone who would like to consider working with her. Details below.

Amara Charles Gift

A Complimentary 45 Min. Intimacy Breakthrough Session

On this call, she will listen to your unique situation, find out what’s missing, and we'll create a plan to achieve what you want.

www.amaracharleslove.com/apply

Intimacy Retreats, Coaching and Sexuality Education

www.Amaracharles.com   

Dr Marcy Brink is an intimacy and relationship coach who is here to challenge the traditional "relationship escalator" and explore alternative paths to connection and fulfilment.

Many of us have already lived the life outlined by societal norms - the expected progression of dating, exclusivity, marriage, and children. Relationship counsellors call this the ‘relationship escalator.’

But as we grow older, we may begin to wonder, "What else is possible?" Dr. Brink's clients have expressed a desire for more flexibility and autonomy in their relationships. They want to enjoy sexual and romantic connections without the pressure of traditional commitments like marriage or cohabitation.

Younger generations are already paving the way, freely exploring alternative sexualities and designing new models of intimacy. Embracing meaningful connections with play partners, dating across age differences, and trying consensual non-monogamy are just a few examples of the innovative ways people are redefining intimacy.

During our conversation, we discussed how social norms have shaped our dating and sex lives and how we can begin to think deeply about our authentic needs and desires. The goal is to empower us to communicate these needs openly with potential partners so we can all experience more pleasure and fulfilment in our later lives.

Join us as we rethink the relationship escalator and discover the vast possibilities for creating the intimate connections we genuinely crave.

https://www.instagram.com/marcy.brink/

https://www.facebook.com/sexandintimacy/

http://linkedin.com/in/marcy-brink-phd-sexandintimacy

The stats for the percentage of men with erectile dysfunction are pretty staggering:

Approximately 41.5% of men in the UK reported experiencing ED, according to a 2018 study conducted by Viatris, Queen's University Belfast, and Pfizer. And it only increases with age:

- Around 29.3% for men aged 18-39

- About 45.6% of men aged 40 and over

According to research by the British Association of Urological Surgeons, 50-55% of British men between 40 and 70 years old have some degree of ED.

Ken Schafer can count himself as one of those men who also struggled with ED, and, like many men, he went straight for Viagra to cure his problem. After some time, that failed to work, so he started to look for other solutions. His journey led him to write a book, ‘A Practical Guide to Managing Erectile Dysfunction’ and to help now men like himself struggling with ED. In particular, he signposts his clients to specific practitioners who can support them in becoming more fit and healthy and, as a result, remove the requirement for pharmaceuticals and other medical interventions.

I found Ken’s honesty and willingness to be vulnerable about this particular challenge with ED very refreshing. And if you have a title for his job, please share it with me!

Web: 

https://www.healthysexualitywithken.com/

Social media:

https://www.instagram.com/healthys3xualitywithken/https://www.tiktok.com/@healthys3xualitywithkenhttps://www.youtube.com/@HealthySexualityWithKenLLChttps://www.facebook.com/healthys3xualitywithkenllchttps://twitter.com/HSWKen

I met Mo in Las Palmas six months ago when she told me about her desire to open a co-working space there. Well, it opened two weeks ago! So, I decided to take the opportunity to talk to her about her dating life while on a six-day trip there.

Although there’s more than a 10-year age gap between us, we share our frustration and the problems that come with trying to find a partner using an app. As someone who has tried various apps over the years, I've become increasingly frustrated with the superficial and ineffective nature of online dating. It seems I’m not alone, as multiple articles have been published recently about their ineffectiveness.

While Mo comes from the ‘Hot or Not’ days, and my history dates back to a very early dating site/erotic magazine called Nerve, we have noticed how swiping reduces people to their physical attributes and tries to ‘gamify’ the whole experience. The matching algorithms feel so shallow as if they're more focused on looks than actual compatibility.

Another major problem is the lack of meaningful communication. It's become so common for people to simply "ghost"—disappear without any explanation. This is incredibly disheartening and makes the whole dating process feel like a draining chore rather than an opportunity to find a genuine connection.

Mo and I agree that in-person interaction is so important in dating. There's an energy and chemistry that can't be captured on a screen.

This episode gets at the heart of our frustrations with modern dating. I hope it encourages listeners to approach finding a partner in a more holistic and authentic way rather than relying solely on these flawed dating apps. The right connection is out there; we just have to be willing to try to find it!

I love to learn what motivates those working in sex education and as sex therapists/sexologists to choose this career path. For Austin Cresap, who works as a sex educator and sex therapist in Seattle, Washington, it was through numerous conversations with her grandma, now in her eighties.

Since training, she has become her grandma’s go-to person for discussing her intimate life, and Austin has, in turn, focused on the older generation as an aspect of her work.

There’s no cut-off date when it comes to learning about sex and intimacy. However, there is a shortage of information and interest from doctors in how to navigate one’s sex life when older, especially when it comes to people who may live with chronic pain or have a chronic illness. And it’s people such as Austin who can advocate for those who shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with medical professionals.

As Austin and I acknowledge, so many messages exist about what is or isn’t acceptable to do in later life. The more we can smash those taboos, reframe what older life can look like and embrace who we are, warts and all, the more we can continue to enjoy sex in a way that feels good for us.

You can find Austin at her website: www.icameheretotalktherapy.com

Instagram/TikTok: @icameheretotalk

You can find the accessible sex toy Austin recommends here: https://www.pushmobility.com.au/products/luddi-ziggy

I met Leora Lightwoman by chance at the launch party for Monique Roffey's new book, Passiontide, which I highly recommend as a great summer read. Leora's name had come up over the years within the tantra community, so I was delighted when she booked to come on the show and talk about her work. Softly spoken, Leora exudes calmness, which explains why she is highly sought after by those who want to deepen their intimacy and connection with their partner.

Tantra has had a negative reputation over the years, and I know from speaking to many "tantric practitioners" that its definition can vary greatly from person to person. As someone who has explored this practice and enjoyed techniques I've read about in the classic "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margot Anand and learned from practitioners such as Jahnet Delight, I was pleased to learn that Leora had studied with Anand, which suggested we would be on the same page discussing tantra.

During our conversation, Leora delves into practical tips for using tantra, easy exercises for beginners, and what couples can expect when they come to her for relationship counselling.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported weekly newsletter. If you believe that maintaining a healthy and happy sex life in later years is important, and you want more people to feel confident about exploring sexual pleasure as they age, consider becoming a subscriber.

Buy Leora’s Book, Tantra: The Path to Blissful Sex, here.

You can find Leora here:

https://diamondlighttantra.com/

https://www.facebook.com/DiamondLightTantra

Gigi Raven Wilbur is an American bisexual rights activist and writer. They have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a master's degree in social work.

I suspect 50 Shades of Grey has contributed to confusion around what BDSM entails and how it can be used to enhance one’s intimate life. I recall upon reading it and all the publicity that ensued upon its publication that there was outrage from those within the BDSM community that their lifestyle choice should be portrayed so inaccurately. Even my kids who knew I dabbled in this world said at the time, “You should go on TV and tell them it’s not like this!”

The fact is that BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) has many benefits as Gigi and I discuss during this podcast. It can enhance one’s intimate relationships by enabling conversations that touch on consent, power dynamics, pain and sometimes how this may relate to earlier trauma. It can, without any penetration being involved, transport its participants to altered states of consciousness, sometimes called sub-space. And it can be playful, imaginative and fun. In my experience, people I’ve met in the lifestyle are some of the most open and considerate people I know, for whom consent is paramount and pleasure is key.

Gigi is also deeply involved with the BDSM world. Today, she advocates for the healing, cathartic, and spiritual power of BDSM as founder and Sacred Harlot of Aphrodite’s Temple. This modern-day sex temple provides sex-positive education and a sex-positive sacred play space for adults. Gigi’s book is called The Dominant’s Handbook: an Intimate Guide to BDSM Play. Gigi wrote the essay Walking in Shadows: Third Gender and Spirituality about her intersex identity.

If you’re interested in exploring this further, check out these links:

The BDSM Interest Evaluation - https://www.ravenslairleather.com/free-offers

The Dominant’s Handbook - An Intimate Guide to BDSM -https://www.ravenslairleather.com/ravenslairbooks

Adult Bedtime Stories - https://rss.com/podcasts/adult-bedtime-stories/

In this episode, I have the pleasure of chatting with Denise Renye, who is a sexologist, sex therapist, yoga therapist, and psychedelic therapist. We dive into the fascinating role of psychedelics in the lives of older adults and how they can enhance intimacy and help manage pain. Denise shares her insights on being a psychedelic therapist and how she guides individuals in integrating their experiences into everyday life.

We also discuss the importance of communication in relationships and how psychedelics can open up new avenues for exploring desires, boosting both emotional and physical connections. It’s a heartfelt conversation that underscores the need for greater awareness and access to professionals in the field of sex therapy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Denise Renye and her multiple titles

03:21 Integration of psychedelic experiences

06:18 Enhancing relationships through psychedelics

12:43 Breaking down boundaries in relationships

19:28 Using sensual activities to enhance intimacy

25:54 The importance of sensate focus technique

32:00 The need for awareness and access to sex therapy professionals

Dr. Denise Renye

Licensed Psychologist* Certified Sexologist * Psychedelic Assisted Therapy and Integration * Certified Yoga Therapist

https://WholePersonIntegration.com

Darlaine Honey is a Sexual Health Advisor working with Berkshire Healthcare and lives in Surrey, South of England. Having been diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, she is also an advocate for Breast Cancer Now on the workflow task force plus Breast Cancer Now / Ann Summers/My ViV collaboration for sex after breast cancer.

During the COVID lockdown, Darlaine and some friends formed the charity Lobular Breast Cancer so that other women could learn more about it.

As is evident from our discussion and from previous discussions I’ve had with those working in the area of sexual health, both in the UK and in the US, there’s not enough being done to support older people to have a healthier and happier sex life.

There’s an assumption that sexual health advisors are there to support younger people. At the same time, the stats reveal that more older people are presenting with STDs than ever before, thanks to escalating divorce rates and the opportunity through dating apps and elsewhere for sexual encounters.

I also learned, towards the end of our conversation, of the impact of drugs used to treat breast cancer on women’s sexual health and was shocked to discover how they may contribute to vaginal atrophy and a significant decline in libido and sensitivity, none of which patients are commonly told when undergoing treatment.

My friend Sam Evans, who runs a sex toy shop called Jo Divine, has spoken via her social media channels about ‘medical misogyny’ and, in talking with Darlaine, it’s clear how much more needs to be done to ensure women receive the information we all deserve to make educated decisions about our overall wellbeing which includes our sexual health.

If you’d like to learn more about Darlaine’s work, you can reach her on LinkedIn.

Show your support for Lobular Breast Cancer here:

https://lobularbreastcancer.org.uk/darlaine-honey/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Paid subscribers support my ongoing work to help older people have a healthier, happier sex life and receive an additional subscriber-only post per week.

When I was growing up, there was a cult-like therapy called EST (Erhard Seminars Training), which couples and singles could attend. I subsequently learned that it became Landmark Forum. I mention it because when I think of retreats, having never attended one, they always feel mysterious and somewhat secretive. Still, I know plenty of people who regularly go on retreats, and I know now how beneficial it can be to switch off from the world for several days and absorb whatever knowledge is being imparted.

Kanya Ford, my guest on this week’s podcast, hosts a couples retreat called Fools in Love Couples Retreat. Here, couples can take a break from their usual environment and address relationship issues. The retreat includes purposeful activities, community meals, and opportunities for couples to support and learn from each other. Each year, she introduces new elements to keep the sessions fresh and interesting.

The retreat lasts from Thursday or Friday to Sunday afternoon. As she explains during our conversations, emotions can run high during the retreat, with happy tears, sad tears, and frustration. The motivation for attending the retreat varies, from reigniting sexual passion to seeking help before marriage. The retreat is open to a diverse mix of people, and the average age of attendees is between 35 and 45. What particularly fascinated me about her retreat is that she tends to keep them below ten people so each couple is able to spend quality time with Kanya and the other participants, as well as with each other.

In addition to the retreat, Kanya offers one-on-one coaching and group classes called Mind Phucked (I love this!), which focus on utilising the mind to set the body free in relationships. These classes include touch yoga, pleasure mapping, and deep stretch exercises. Kanya emphasises the importance of maintaining intimacy and connection in relationships, especially in the senior years.

00:00 Introduction to the Fools in Love Couples Retreat

01:24 Digging into Relationship Nuances at the Retreat

04:06 Addressing Emotions and Apologies at the Retreat

05:13 Motivations for Attending the Retreat

15:13 Utilising the Mind in Group Classes

You can find Kanya at:

https://loveandintimacy101.com/

https://www.instagram.com/coachkay101

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

A friend suggested that I celebrate Episode 100 of this podcast by reuniting my former co-hosts, Peter Marriott and Zoe Kors. Since Peter and I started recording the podcast in June, much has changed - some of it good and some not-so-good.

For a start, Peter moved to Sheffield, where he had been a lecturer at the University for many years. He is rekindling old friendships, making lots of new ones, and dabbling in the local kink scene.

Zoe, meanwhile, is on the verge of launching a new course, Practical Intimacy for Couples, is writing her memoir (!), and, from the sound of it, has a full roster of clients.

I’m also juggling the increasing demands of hosting this podcast alongside my new role as UK Sales & Marketing Director for Firmtech, singing and co-facilitating Startup School for Seniors.

I hope you enjoy this particular episode. And if you appreciate the work we all have put in, please consider becoming a paid subscriber, which will help contribute to the running costs while helping to enhance and support the sex lives of older people. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

What is your sexual birthright and can you say, with 100% honesty, that you are able to fully embrace your sexual self without shame, embarrassment or fear?

That’s the topic of this week’s discussion with one of my oldest guests, Galen Fous, a sex therapist and educator.

During our conversation, we discussed the role of kink and the erotic in maintaining an active sex life, even with physical limitations. Galen encourages couples to have open and honest conversations about their desires and to explore the vast territory of pleasure beyond traditional friction sex. He also highlights the healing and empowering aspects of reclaiming one's sexuality.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Takeaways

* Explore your authentic sexuality and embrace your sexual birthright.

* Engage in open and honest conversations with your partner about your desires and fantasies.

* Move beyond traditional friction sex and explore the vast territory of pleasure available to you.

* Reclaim your sexuality and heal any past wounds or traumas.

* Embrace the opportunity to deepen intimacy and connection with your partner through sexual exploration.

Sound Bites

* "I'm still having sex at least three times a week and I'm talking about sex that is in the range of three to five hours per session."

* "This is the great time of life. You know, this is your time to have the freedom to pursue what interests you and what excites you. And sex can certainly be a big part of that."

* "To be honest, it's a very complicated at this stage when we have decades of indoctrination and programming and beliefs and stories and judgments and experience painful experiences and all those things now have are a big, those are all tangled up with your authentic sexual expression."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Unique Perspective

03:12. Maintaining an Active Sex Life in Later Life

08:45. Embracing Freedom and Pursuing Sexual Pleasure

11:36. Untangling Beliefs and Programming

18:15. Moving Beyond Friction Sex

26:07. Exploring the Vast Territory of Pleasure

31:51. The Importance of Honesty and Courage

34:37Conclusion and Invitation for Further Conversations

Find Galen at : https://GalenFous.com

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this episode, I interviewed Susan Bratton, an intimacy advisor, wellness expert, author of numerous books about sex and relationships, and veritable powerhouse with 44 programs, gifts, and subscriptions.

A topic that comes up time and time again here is how to communicate with one’s partner or anyone with whom you intend to be intimate about your sexual desires. This is where Susan’s concept of a sexual soulmate pact comes in, which we discussed in this episode. We explored the significance of open communication and the benefits of ageless sexuality. Susan explained that a sexual soulmate pact is an agreement between partners to openly discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries throughout their intimacy journey. This pact fosters ongoing communication and encourages partners to express themselves without fear of judgment. We also discussed the idea of a sex life bucket list, which can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sex life exciting.

Takeaways

* A sexual soulmate pact is an agreement between partners to openly discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries before, during, and after intimacy.

* Open communication is key to maintaining a satisfying and fulfilling sex life.

* Ageless sexuality is possible, and sex can continue to improve and bring joy throughout life.

* A sex life bucket list can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sex life exciting.

Sound Bites

* "I've written 44 books and one of the books that I've written is called Sexual Soulmates, the six essentials for connected sex."

* "The sexual soulmate pact takes care of two big problems: 'I don't know what I want' and 'I don't want to say anything because I don't want my partner to feel like they've done something wrong.'"

* "The sexual soulmate pact is the antidote to the monotony of monogamy."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Welcoming Susan Bratton

03:05 The Concept of a Sexual Soulmate Pact

08:02 Addressing Communication Challenges

18:44 The Antidote to the Monotony of Monogamy

23:58 Desire: Safety, Security, Novelty, and Variety

33:12 Sexual Confidence and General Confidence

You can find Susan at:

SusanBratton.com

BetterLover.com

Download your FREE Sexual Soulmate Pact here

In a recent post, I wrote about self-exploration and how little many women know and understand their anatomy, especially when it comes to sexual pleasure.

This week’s podcast is an interview with Michelle Germey, a Yoni therapist, about the importance of understanding female anatomy, the challenges women face regarding body confidence and sexual health, and the impact of ageing on sexual desire.

We discuss the need for open communication about sexual issues, the role of clinical sexologists, and the resources available for women seeking help. The conversation emphasises the importance of self-exploration, acceptance of bodily changes, and the normalisation of diverse vulva appearances.

Michelle shares insights on enhancing intimacy and pleasure, even as one ages, and the significance of scheduling intimacy in busy lives.

Takeaways

* The term 'Yoni' refers to female reproductive organs and embodies femininity.

* Understanding one's anatomy is crucial for sexual health and confidence.

* There is no 'normal' appearance for vulvas; diversity should be celebrated.

* Ageing can lead to changes in sexual desire and physical response.

* Communication about sexual health is essential for maintaining intimacy.

* Accessing sexual health services can be challenging, especially for women.

* Clinical sexologists play a vital role in addressing sexual health issues.

* Women often experience shame around their sexuality and bodies.

* Self-exploration and understanding personal pleasure are important.

* Scheduling intimacy can help maintain a fulfilling sexual life.

Sound Bites

* "I wanted to specialize in female biomedical issues."

* "The Yoni is those female organs of the womb."

* "There is no normal; it's just what it is."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Yoni Therapy

02:50 Understanding the Yoni and Female Anatomy

06:04 Body Confidence and Normalizing Vulva Diversity

08:55 Ageing, Sexual Desire, and Changes in the Body

11:59 Communication and Overcoming Sexual Shame

14:47 Accessing Sexual Health Services and Support

18:09 The Role of Clinical Sexologists

21:01 Exploring Female Sexuality and Pleasure

23:46 Scheduling Intimacy and Finding Pleasure

26:52 Resources for Sexual Health and Therapy

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your support means I can spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and for the cost of my recording software, editing and the other subscriptions I need to keep this show on the road!

https://www.cosrt.org.uk/search-members/

You can find Psychosexual Services on the NHS here. Not all regions offer these services.

Examples

https://slam.nhs.uk/service-detail/service/psychosexual-service-114/

https://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/our-services/psychosexual-clinic

Do you consider sex like a McDonald’s burger or a Michelin-starred meal? Do you know the difference and what part tantra plays in how we connect with our partner(s)?

I’ve interviewed several tantra practitioners over the years; each has a different take. In this episode, Janice Lee delves into the world of Tantra, exploring its true essence as she understands it beyond the clichés often associated with it.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your support means I can spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and for the cost of my recording software, editing and the other subscriptions I need to keep this show on the road!

We discuss the importance of intimacy in sexual relationships, practical tips for reviving passion in long-term partnerships, and the significance of understanding one's own arousal. Janice shares her journey into Tantra and the misconceptions surrounding it, emphasising that genuine connection and intimacy are essential in modern dating.

Sound Bites

* "Tantra is about intimacy, not just sex."

* "Sex has become kind of like fast food."

* "It's about being playful and in the moment."

Chapters

00:00 Exploring the Essence of Tantra

04:51 Reviving Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

09:50 Understanding Arousal and Communication

14:59 The Journey to Authentic Sexuality

20:11 Breaking Down Misconceptions About Tantra

25:02 Finding Genuine Connection in Modern Dating

You can find Janice Lee (Jaylala) - Heart and Soul Tantra - here:

Janice’s Booking Calendar

Bio.Link/Jaylala & Social Media

Janice’s YouTube Channel

Boundary Bliss On-line Course

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Judson Brandeis to delve into the often-taboo topic of men's sexual health. We tackle critical issues like erectile dysfunction and testosterone replacement therapy, exploring how these challenges impact not just physical well-being but also mental and emotional health as men age.

Our conversation sheds light on the vital role of blood flow and innovative treatments available for men over 60. We also confront the stigma that surrounds discussions of sexual health, emphasising the urgent need for awareness and education in this area.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your subscription enables me to spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and the cost of my recording software, editing, and other miscellaneous expenses.

Key Takeaways:

- Many men seek help for erectile dysfunction and testosterone replacement.

- Testosterone can revitalise physical, mental, and sexual vitality.

- Ageing often brings erectile dysfunction, which can affect confidence and relationships.

- Medications like Viagra and Cialis are both safe and effective for treating erectile dysfunction.

- Nitric oxide boosters can enhance the efficacy of these medications.

- Healthy blood flow is crucial for sexual function and overall wellness.

- Embracing the changes that come with ageing is key to proactive health management.

- There is a significant stigma surrounding sexual health discussions, particularly for older men.

- Men should also be informed about women's health issues linked to sexual wellness.

- Open dialogue about sexual health can foster better outcomes for everyone involved.

Sound Bites:

- "Men's sexual health often gets brushed under the carpet."

- "Testosterone can ignite your libido."

- "Viagra and Cialis are nothing short of miraculous."

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Men's Sexual Health

02:55 Understanding Testosterone and Its Impact

05:58 The Role of Erectile Dysfunction Treatments

09:01 The Psychological Aspects of ED

12:00 Navigating Ageing and Sexual Health

15:12 Innovative Treatments and Therapies

18:07 The Importance of Blood Flow

21:05 Addressing Stigmas in Sexual Health

24:07 The Connection Between Heart Health and ED

26:55 Final Thoughts on Sexual Wellness

Join us for an enlightening discussion that aims to break down barriers and promote healthier conversations around men's sexual health.

https://brandeismd.com/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', I had the pleasure of chatting with sexologist Heather Howard about the challenges faced by individuals with mobility issues in experiencing sexual pleasure. How do you find the ideal, comfortable position to be intimate with your partner after a hip or knee replacement? How can you transition from perhaps a lifetime of having sex in a position that hits all the right spots to finding a new position that does the same?

We discuss the importance of understanding ergonomic adjustments, the psychological impacts of mobility limitations, and the differences in sexual desire and identity across genders. Because I always encourage my guests to offer practical advice, Heather shares sexual positions for those recovering from surgery and emphasises the significance of mental flexibility in navigating sexual function. This conversation especially highlighted for me the need for accessible resources and open communication about sexuality, especially when your body parts aren’t working like they used to!

If you’re feeling generous and want to show your appreciation for the work involved in creating this podcast, promoting it and, more generally, helping older people to have a happier, healthier, more fulfilling sex life, consider becoming a subscriber.

Takeaways

* Mobility issues can significantly impact sexual experiences.

* Ergo Erotics provides resources for pleasurable comfort.

* Common mobility issues include hip and knee pain and pelvic pain.

* Psychological factors play a crucial role in sexual motivation.

* Sexual identity is often tied to physical capability.

* Mental flexibility can enhance sexual function post-injury.

* Gender differences affect how individuals approach sexuality.

* Practical adjustments can help maintain sexual intimacy after surgery.

* Ergonomics in sexual activity can lead to sustainable pleasure.

* Open communication about sexuality is essential for health providers.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Mobility and Sexuality Challenges

03:07 Understanding ErgoErotics and Its Purpose

06:05 Common Mobility Issues Affecting Sexuality

09:01 Psychological Impact of Mobility Challenges on Sexuality

11:59 Navigating Sexuality After Major Health Changes

15:09 Gender Differences in Sexual Desire and Identity

18:02 Practical Tips for Sexual Positions Post-Surgery

20:48 The Role of Ergonomics in Sexual Comfort

23:57 Exploring Tools and Aids for Enhanced Sexual Experience

26:59 Conclusion and Resources for Further Support

This episode is sponsored by Higher Nature - creators of the Rekindle supplement, which launched today! Nature's sexiest plant-powered blend, Rekindle, has been created to rekindle your passion. I’m currently testing this all-natural libido enhancer, which does what it says on the tin. :)

In this conversation, I enjoyed speaking with tantric teacher Rahasya to explore the intricate world of tantra and sacred sexuality. We delved into our personal journeys, cleared up some misconceptions surrounding tantra, and discussed its relevance for older adults. Together, we navigated the emotional complexities of sexual relationships, emphasising the importance of commitment on spiritual paths and the potential dangers of dabbling in tantra without proper guidance. Our discussion highlighted the necessity for a deeper understanding and respect for the practices involved in tantra, showcasing its transformative power when approached with seriousness and intention.

Takeaways

* I began my journey into sacred sexuality over two decades ago.

* Awakening is just the beginning of a spiritual path, not the end.

* Tantra is often misunderstood and misrepresented in modern culture.

* The emotional side of tantra can be dangerous if not approached correctly.

* Many enter tantra for superficial reasons, but true seekers discover deeper meaning.

* Supporting older adults in their sexual journeys can lead to profound healing.

* Past experiences significantly impact one’s sexual expression and intimacy.

* Dabbling in tantra without commitment can lead to negative experiences.

* True spiritual paths require a level of commitment that many may not be prepared for.

* The serious seeker must navigate the difficult and often uncomfortable path of spiritual growth.

Sound Bites

* "I completed my journey of sexuality by 40."

* "Awakening is really the beginning of a path."

* "Tantra is about learning from spiritual communities."

Chapters

* 00:00 Introduction to Sacred Sexuality

* 02:59 The Journey of a Tantric Teacher

* 05:56 Understanding Tantra: Beyond the Misconceptions

* 09:11 The Role of Tantra in Relationships

* 11:46 Supporting Older Adults in Their Sexual Journeys

* 14:55 The Impact of Past Experiences on Sexuality

* 17:57 The Dangers of Dabbling in Tantra

* 21:00 The Commitment Required for Spiritual Paths

* 23:58 Conclusion: The Path of the Serious Seeker

In my recent conversation with Marina Gerner, author of ‘The Vagina Business’ we delved into the fascinating and rapidly evolving field of FemTech, a sector dedicated to harnessing technology to enhance women's health. As anyone with a vagina will tell you, trying to raise investment for their business, whether in the world of female health or otherwise, there are myriad challenges such entrepreneurs face.

It's disheartening to see how societal taboos surrounding women's health can hinder investment and innovation, but hardly surprising, as most investors are men.

Marina and I discussed the need to break down these barriers and foster greater awareness and education about women's health issues. This is crucial not just for entrepreneurs but for all of us who care about improving women's health outcomes.

We also touched on significant topics like menopause and sexual health in older age. These are often overlooked areas that deserve much more attention in discussions and the marketplace. The regulatory hurdles that complicate introducing new products only add to the complexity of the landscape, making it even more vital that we advocate for change.

Marina's book, The Vagina Business, serves as an essential guide through the innovations and challenges within this space. She has done a tremendous job of showcasing the range of products and services being developed and the challenges these founders face in bringing them to market. It underscores the urgent need for support and solutions prioritising women's health. I left with the hope that many of these products eventually see the light of day with their ability to transform female health and are not simply left on the page.

You can find out more and buy Marina’s book here.

Website: https://www.marinagerner.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marinagerner/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this conversation, Indigo Stray Conger and I discuss the complexities of opening up relationships, particularly for those in long-term partnerships. We explore the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy, emphasising the importance of communication, understanding emotional dynamics, and navigating the challenges of swinging and polyamory. The discussion also highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and the potential for personal growth and exploration of sexuality later in life.

takeaways

* Ethical non-monogamy can mean different things to different people.

* Communication is crucial when discussing opening up a relationship.

* It's important to be on the same page about what opening up means.

* Emotions can complicate agreements about non-monogamy.

* Work with a coach or therapist experienced in non-monogamy.

* Take time to discuss and explore feelings before jumping in.

* Workshops can provide a safe space to explore sexuality.

* Older adults can still explore their sexual selves.

* Finding communities for non-monogamy can be challenging.

* It's never too late to have these conversations.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy

03:00 Understanding the Spectrum of Opening Relationships

05:57 Communication: The Key to Successful Non-Monogamy

08:59 Navigating Emotions in Open Relationships

11:56 The Challenges of Swinging and Polyamory

14:49 Exploring Individual Interests in Relationships

17:59 Finding Communities for Non-Monogamy

20:51 Starting the Conversation About Opening Up

23:58 Final Thoughts on Exploring Sexuality Later in Life

Here's the link to Indigo’s Choosing Therapy article on open relationships and how to talk with your partner if you want to open up: What Is an Open Relationship?

You can find Indigo Stray Conger here:

milehighpsychotherapy.com

I’ve been looking forward to this conversation for a couple of months, since coming across Stella Fosse on Substack. A rarity in the world of romance and erotic writing, Stella has a unique perspective, writing for and about older adults. We discuss the challenges and biases in the publishing industry, the importance of representation, and the evolving landscape of self-publishing.

Stella shares her journey into writing, the differences between erotica and romance, and the significance of community and social media in building an audience. Our conversation highlights the joy of writing as a form of play and the potential for older characters to inspire readers.

Takeaways

* The publishing industry often favours younger characters in romance and erotica.

* Older women writing erotica can challenge societal norms and stereotypes.

* Self-publishing has opened new avenues for authors to share their work.

* Erotica focuses on sexuality, while romance centres on character development and relationships.

* Diversity in romance writing is still a work in progress.

* Marketing for indie authors requires a different approach than traditional publishing.

* Social media is crucial for building an audience and credibility.

* Writing can be a playful exploration of fantasies and desires.

* Community support among writers enhances the creative process.

* Older characters in romance can provide relatable role models for readers.

Gift Yourself or Others a Subscription to Sex Advice for Seniors This Christmas!

As the holiday season approaches, consider giving the gift of knowledge and open conversation about sexuality in later life. Subscribing to Sex Advice for Seniors supports the destigmatisation of these important discussions and highlights the incredible individuals I've interviewed who share this passion. Join us in fostering a more open dialogue about sex and ageing!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Erotic Writing for Older Audiences

02:54 The Journey into Writing Erotica

05:49 Breaking Age Stereotypes in Romance

09:06 The Evolution of Publishing and Self-Publishing

12:10 Understanding the Differences: Erotica vs. Romance

14:54 Diversity and Representation in Romance Writing

17:52 Marketing Strategies for Indie Authors

21:02 The Role of Social Media in Building an Audience

24:04 The Creative Process of Writing Erotica

27:06 Exploring Fantasies Through Writing

29:59 The Importance of Community in Writing

33:01 Conclusion and Future Aspirations

Website:  www.stellafosse.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/Twitter: stellafosseLinkedIn:  www.linkedin.com/in/stellafosseInstagram:  @stella.fosseCheck out Stella’s Books and Stories:https://stellafosse.com/stella-fosses-books-stories/Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance:

Launch Your Author Adventure in Late-Life Romance

Vampires of a Certain Age:Five Hundred Years of LovingBrilliant Charming B*****d:Getting Rich is the Best RevengeThe Erotic Pandemic Ball:  Tales of Love in LockdownAphrodite's Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica After Midlife

In every episode, I learn something new and in this conversation with pelvic floor physiotherapist (yup, it’s a thing) Amanda Olson and I talk about pelvic health, especially for women navigating menopause and beyond. It’s a topic that often lurks in the shadows, but it’s about time we confront many of the issues that arise from having a weak pelvic floor that go beyond incontinence!

Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

Pelvic health is a vital part of overall well-being, affecting individuals of all genders and ages. Many people don’t realise how impactful pelvic issues can be, but Amanda’s insights about her company, Intimate Rose, and why she started it, were enlightening. They’ve crafted tools like vaginal dilators and pelvic wands that empower people to take charge of their health.

The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

Amanda shared a gem of wisdom: “If you don’t use it, you can lose it.” Vaginal dilators help maintain the elasticity and mobility of vaginal tissue, which is crucial, especially during menopause when our bodies undergo significant changes.

Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

Menopause can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions and physical shifts. It’s a time of transformation, and understanding the changes in pelvic floor health is essential. We talked about how many women are unaware of the resources available to them, which is why education is so vital.

The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

We also explored the psychological side of pelvic health. Our bodies can develop deep guarding reflexes due to pain or trauma, making it even more challenging to navigate these issues. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid—“It’s a true issue, and they’re not crazy,” Amanda said.

Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

For those who have faced cancer treatments, the impact on sexual health can be profound. It’s never too late to address these concerns, and tools like dilators can play a crucial role in restoring quality of life.

Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

The overarching message from our discussion was one of empowerment. Quality of life can significantly improve with proper pelvic care, and it’s essential for everyone to feel equipped to manage their health. “These are all quality of life issues,” we agreed, emphasising the importance of proper lubrication for comfortable experiences.

Check out the full range of products here.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

02:57 The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

05:48 Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

09:08 The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

11:50 Personal Stories and the Impact of Accidents

14:49 Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

18:10 The Functionality of Pelvic Health Tools

20:48 Misdiagnosis and the Need for Awareness

24:03 The Path to Pelvic Health Care

26:52 Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

Where to find Intimate Rose:

https://www.intimaterose.com/

https://www.facebook.com/IntimateRose

https://www.instagram.com/intimaterose/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your subscription not only pays for my bread and butter sandwiches, but goes towards helping to normalise the conversation around sexual pleasure in later life. For only £4.99/month or £49.99/year you can support me to spend more time talking on panels, chasing down guests, writing articles, making videos and spreading the word about how to enjoy sex when you’re older!

Holly’s journey began in a poverty-stricken family in Delaware, where she became the first in her extended family to attend college, earning a full scholarship to Liberty University. After graduating with a degree in Biblical Studies and receiving the Horatio Alger scholarship, she initially aspired to be a missionary but later navigated a 20-year marriage that ended amicably.

Embracing various roles, Holly found her true passion in empowering women and fostering communities that combat loneliness. Through social media, she helps women navigate relationships and promotes self-love, drawing from her extensive personal growth journey. Now living on a farm near Charlotte, North Carolina, she leads a women’s group called Soul Sisters, connecting women in support and sisterhood.

Navigating Love and Self-Discovery: An Empowering Journey

If you follow relationship and dating coaches on any of the social media platforms, then you’ll have come across @Hope with Holly, who delivers straight talking, b******t-free advice, mainly based on her own experience from a restrictive upbringing in a Christian cult to the often chaotic world of modern dating. Holly’s experiences are a testament to the complexities of love, intimacy, and self-discovery, and I could have talked to her for hours!

From Restriction to Liberation

Holly’s background undeniably shaped her views on sex and relationships. She experienced sex for the first time on the first night of her wedding. Growing up in a cult environment, she faced strict limitations that impacted her understanding of intimacy and it was fascinating to hear how she has transformed those early lessons into a journey of exploration and empowerment that has led her to become the superstar she is today.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

One of the most striking points Holly made was about the critical importance of emotional intelligence in dating. Relationships are not just about chemistry; they require a deep understanding of oneself and one’s partner. Communication about sexual preferences is essential for building fulfilling connections. “You can teach a good man to be a good lover,” she reminded us, highlighting the importance of sharing desires openly.

The Dating App Dilemma

We also discussed the wild west world of dating apps. While they can sometimes feel like a “dumpster fire,” they also offer opportunities for connection - once you know what you want. Holly shared her very amusing anecdotes, navigating the ups and downs with these platforms, and highlighting the need for patience, resilience and, above all, knowing what you want and sticking to your guns until you find a suitable partner.

Friendship as a Foundation

We touched on the idea that friendship can serve as a strong foundation for romantic relationships. Situationships, while often complicated, can provide valuable insights into compatibility and what we truly desire in a partner. Compromise, as Holly emphasised, is key to navigating these particular types of relationships.

Redefining Societal Expectations

Throughout our conversation, we acknowledged how societal expectations can limit personal happiness. Women, in particular, should feel empowered to express their desires and understand what they want in relationships. Physical connection is essential for emotional well-being, and for Holly, that meant holding off on intimacy until she had established a genuine connection with her partner.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Hope with Holly

05:55 Exploring Sexual Awakening and Education

11:54 Finding Emotional Connection in Relationships

18:04 Building a Relationship from Friendship

28:11 The Journey of Self-Discovery

35:06 The Importance of Physical Connection

42:47 Empowerment and Hope in Self-Discovery

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I can’t keep going without your help to pay for all the work that goes into this, including software subscriptions, editing, and time.

You can also schedule a 1:1 call with her on her website:

https://stan.store/HopeWithHolly

https://www.tiktok.com/@hopewithholly

https://www.instagram.com/hope_with_holly/

https://www.facebook.com/HopeWithHollyCoach/

http://www.youtube.com/@hopewithholly

In a recent conversation, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ena Xena, an orgasmic human design coach, and we delved into the fascinating intersection of human design principles and intimacy. Ena’s insights opened up a whole new perspective on how we can enhance our relationships, particularly for those of us over 50.

Understanding Human Design

Ena introduced the concept of an “orgasmic human design coach.” This unique approach merges intimacy advice with the principles of human design, allowing individuals to better understand their sexual energy and intimacy needs. Each person’s human design chart reveals both conscious and unconscious aspects, providing a roadmap for personal and relational growth.

Enhancing Relationships

One of the key takeaways from our discussion was how understanding human design can improve relationship dynamics and decision-making. Ena explained that analysing intimacy and compatibility through human design connection charts can reveal valuable insights about how partners interact and support each other’s needs.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Importance of Sexual Energy

We emphasised that sexual energy is vital for our well-being and should be nurtured throughout life. Ena noted, “We create a third being in a relationship,” highlighting how couples can cultivate a shared energy that enhances their connection. Regular dates and intentional time together are crucial for maintaining the health of a relationship. “Don’t take each other for granted,” she advised, a reminder that intentionality matters.

Workshops and Self-Development

Ena offers a variety of workshops and courses designed to help individuals explore their sexual energy and enhance relational well-being. She articulated how self-development is essential for sustaining long-term relationships. By investing in personal growth, partners can keep their connections vibrant and fulfilling.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Orgasmic Human Design Coaching

03:09 Understanding Human Design and Its Impact

05:58 The Connection Between Human Design and Intimacy

09:05 Integrating Orgasmic Therapy with Human Design

11:55 The Importance of Sexual Energy in Relationships

14:54 Creating a Nurturing Relationship

17:55 Tools for Sustaining Long-Term Relationships

21:02 Workshops and Courses Offered by Ena Xena

You can find Ena Xena here:

https://openwing.weebly.com/

A big THANK YOU to all my subscribers, both paid and unpaid. When I first started this 2 1/2 years ago, I never could have imagined I would now be speaking on panels with academics talking about sexual health in older adults, being asked to participate in TV programmes about Sex over 60.

However, most of this kind of work is completely unpaid.

I don’t like to put my posts behind a paywall because I’m a great believer that good sex shouldn’t be something you have to pay for to learn about although I get that’s the Substack business model.

However, it does take considerable time out of my day to participate in all the activities at which I am being asked to contribute, and that’s where your paid subscription comes in. The more money I can generate from this Substack and brand collaborations, the more time I can focus on Sex Advice for Seniors.

Your £4.99/month or £49.99/year can help me to reach more people who may be wondering how to go about having pleasurable sex in later life.

Suzanne

It seems obvious, but rarely discussed, is the relationship between how our parents conceive us and how this can significantly influence our sexual energy and development. This topic is important, as it highlights the deep-rooted connections between our childhood experiences and adult intimacy. And yet, I suspect for most of us, considering our parent’s role in how we approach our sexuality is yet another one of those topics that may bring up shame or resentment or a myriad of emotions, which help to suppress feelings of sexual desire or longing.

The Influence of Parents on Sexual Energy

It’s fascinating to consider how shame and guilt from parents can disrupt a child’s natural arousal and sexual development. These early impressions can create patterns that affect relationships later in life. Certain life stages are critical for developing a healthy understanding of sexuality, and disruptions during these times can have lasting effects.

Communication in Relationships

One of the pressing issues we discussed is the lack of communication about sexual needs within relationships. Partners often carry imprints from childhood, yet they may not fully understand how these affect their intimacy. As we noted, “The partner does not know what your imprints are,” emphasizing the need for open dialogue about desires and experiences.

Physiological Changes and Body Awareness

Physiological changes that occur in both women and men can also alter sexual experiences. Understanding these changes is essential for fostering intimacy. Body awareness plays a crucial role in sexual health; grounding therapy, for instance, helps individuals connect their energy flow with their sexuality. “Grounding is down to earth sexuality,” we agreed, highlighting its importance in enhancing intimate connections.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Navigating Survival Behaviors

We touched on how survival behaviors from childhood can hinder adult relationships. These ingrained patterns can manifest as barriers to intimacy, making it essential to recognize and address them. “When women close their vagina, men close their heart,” we noted, illustrating how emotional and physical barriers are intertwined.

Releasing Stress for Improved Intimacy

Lastly, we discussed how releasing stress through body awareness can significantly improve intimacy. By cultivating a greater understanding of our bodies and recognizing the impact of childhood experiences, we can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

https://www.rodeparel.nl/

https://www.facebook.com/maya.kerstan.3

I was incredibly flattered when Joan Price, who wrote the first book about sex over 60, Naked at Our Age, got in touch about coming on the show to publicise the recently relaunched and expanded edition of the award-winning, Sex After Grief: Navigating your Sexuality after Losing your Beloved.

Joan Price is a true trailblazer in the world of senior sexuality and I am very much following in her footsteps when it comes to tackling the taboos around sex in later life.

During our conversation, Joan shared her inspiring journey into writing about senior sexuality, and why she has reworked her latest book, bravely tackling the challenges of navigating grief and intimacy.

She offered some fantastic advice for anyone looking to embrace their sexuality and explore new relationships after a loss. We emphasised how crucial it is to have honest conversations about our desires, boundaries, and the exciting possibilities of reinventing our sexuality later in life. She will definitely be coming back onto Sex Advice for Seniors in the New Year!

Here are some key takeaways from our conversation:

* Grief can deeply affect our sexual desires and relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them.

* The pandemic has changed how we grieve and connect with others.

* Clear communication about what we want and need in new relationships is essential.

* Older people can discover new and fulfilling ways to explore their sexuality after the death of a partner.

* Talking about death can actually help ease guilt for those left behind.

* Approaching dating as a fun experiment rather than a heavy commitment can take the pressure off.

Here’s a quick rundown of the chapters we covered:

00:00 - Introduction to Senior Sexuality06:00 - Navigating Grief and Sexuality11:55 - Understanding Sexual Urges After Loss17:55 - Communicating Desires and Boundaries24:01 - Reinventing Sexuality in Later Life30:07 - Dating in the Modern Age

https://www.joanprice.com

* Newly updated: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved

* Author of award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

* Now on BlueSky https://bsky.app/profile/joanprice.bsky.social

* For senior sex news and views, subscribe to Joan’s newsletter: https://witty-feather-67285.myflodesk.com/sun5wbx417

Sexologist Chris Hands and I met a few months ago but the recording was mangled, so it was great to catch up with him again and talk about the intricate dynamics of men's groups which Chris has run for several years and the pervasive influence of toxic masculinity. Our discussion delved into the cultural perspectives on sexuality, particularly among older individuals, and how these attitudes shape our experiences.

We explored the role of dance as a profound means of connection, highlighting the benefits of practices such as Biodanza and Five Rhythms in fostering intimacy and vulnerability within the realm of dating. It became clear that modern relationships are rife with complexities, especially given the disconnection many individuals, particularly men, experience in today's society.

The impact of the pandemic on our social connections cannot be overstated, as it has prompted a significant redefinition of relationships in later life. We addressed the challenges posed by societal norms in dating, emphasising the emotional dynamics at play. Ultimately, as with most of my conversations with experts, it’s all about learning how to communicate within relationships and the importance of sharing perspectives without attributing blame or anger.

takeaways

* Men's groups have evolved but often become negative.

* Toxic masculinity is pervasive and affects relationships.

* Cultural differences influence perceptions of sexuality.

* Dance can create physical connections and intimacy.

* Biodanza offers a unique way to connect with others.

* Vulnerability in dating is increasingly challenging.

* Older individuals often withdraw from discussions about sexuality.

* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation.

* Creating a supportive community is essential for connection.

* Engaging in group activities can help bridge gaps in understanding. Many men feel disconnected and lonely in today's society.

* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation and anxiety.

* Older adults are redefining what relationships look like for them.

* There is a growing desire for non-traditional relationship structures.

* Both men and women are seeking companionship without the constraints of traditional dating.

* Emotional dynamics in relationships require time and understanding to develop.

* Societal expectations often hinder genuine connections between people.

* Communication is key to navigating relationship challenges.

Sound Bites

* "Let's just rewrite the rule book."

* "Men often just want to fix things."

* "I don't do drama anymore."

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

02:54 Men's Groups and Their Evolution

05:56 The Impact of Toxic Masculinity

08:59 Cultural Perspectives on Sexuality

11:54 The Role of Dance in Connection

15:08 Exploring Biodanza and Five Rhythms

18:11 Navigating Vulnerability in Dating

21:45 The Disconnect in Modern Relationships

24:06 The Impact of the Pandemic on Social Connections

27:02 Redefining Relationships in Later Life

29:56 Challenging Societal Norms in Dating

33:09 Understanding Emotional Dynamics in Relationships

https://www.linkedin.com/in/christopher-hands-health2fit

In this episode of "Sex Advice for Seniors," I had the pleasure of chatting with Bel de Lorenzo about something intriguing: vaginal gymnastics or pompoir training, as it’s sometimes called. This practice isn’t just about fun; it’s all about enhancing pelvic floor strength and boosting sexual pleasure. And the best news is you don’t need to be an Olympiad or have any special skills to become an expert.

We dove into why understanding the pelvic floor is so important and explored various techniques and exercises that anyone can try, no matter their starting point. Bel highlighted that training can be not only beneficial but also enjoyable—who knew working on your pelvic floor could be so engaging?

We also touched on the importance of rest and recovery in any training regimen and discussed how tools and toys can elevate the experience. It was a fascinating conversation, full of insights that can help boost libido, confidence, and overall well-being. You’ll find a discount code at the end for Bel’s Vaginal Gymnastics programme. I’m curious to try it myself and will be filling you in on how my training goes!

Key Takeaways

* There's always something new to learn about sex.

* Vaginal gymnastics can enhance dexterity and pleasure.

* Kegel exercises are just the beginning of pelvic floor training.

* Using fingers can help understand pelvic floor movements better.

* A strong pelvic floor can alleviate incontinence issues.

* Training can lead to heightened sensitivity and pleasure during sex.

* You can start pelvic floor training at any age or fitness level.

* Rest and recovery are crucial for muscle growth and strength.

* Training can enhance libido and sexual confidence.

* Making training fun is essential for consistency.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Vaginal Gymnastics

05:58 Exploring Techniques and Exercises

12:12 Benefits Beyond Pleasure

18:05 The Connection Between Sensation and Training

24:10 Enhancing Libido and Confidence

29:54 Conclusion and Program Details

www.gohddess.com

Coupon code SA4S gets them 25% off on the program, it is a one-time fee for life.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@gohddess

Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/pompoir/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@goh.ddess

In this chat, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sydney Zwicker about the many aspects of pelvic health, especially for women. We explored the emotional and physical connections tied to pelvic health and why women often seek support. It was fascinating to discuss the importance of addressing both physical issues and emotional trauma.

Sydney shared her holistic approach to healing, which includes various bodywork techniques and the vital role of creating a safe space for women to reconnect with their bodies. We also touched on men’s experiences, the significance of communication in intimacy, and the need to rethink societal narratives around menopause and women’s health.

* Pelvic health discussions are vital for women of all ages.

* Emotional stories are intertwined with physical health.

* Women often seek help for physical pain, emotional trauma, or spiritual disconnection.

* Healing requires addressing both physical and emotional aspects.

* Techniques include bodywork, visualization, and somatic coaching.

* Men also experience pelvic health issues and need support.

* Intimacy can exist without sexuality, focusing on connection.

Sound Bites

* "You can't separate a woman from her story."

* "The body is not out to get us."

* "There's no shame in the healing process."

* "Men need this work too."

* "Intimacy doesn't have to involve sexuality."

* "Communication is a practice."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Pelvic Health Conversations

01:23 Understanding Pelvic Health and Emotional Connection

02:36 Pain Points and Reasons for Seeking Help

04:31 The Interplay of Physical and Emotional Health

06:30 Techniques for Healing and Body Awareness

08:11 Expanding the Scope: Working with Men

10:45 The Importance of Emotional Maturity in Healing

12:12 Navigating Touch and Intimacy

15:40 The Need for Non-Sexual Intimacy

18:00 Communication and Intimacy in Relationships

21:45 The Role of Elders and Wisdom in Sexuality

24:28 Menopause: A Rite of Passage

27:56 Reframing the Narrative Around Menopause

30:22 The Purpose of Menopause in Evolution

32:22 The Dangers of Medical Interventions

35:54 The Importance of Body Awareness and Education

https://www.zwickerhealingarts.com/

https://www.instagram.com/zwickerhealingarts

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Delving Into the Sexual Revolution

In this lively chat, I had the pleasure of interviewing Sam Feldman, the very engaging and funny author of 'Hookups, Hiccups and Happenstances.' We delved into the juicy bits of the sexual revolution, shared a few personal tales about intimacy, and had a good old chinwag about why communication is absolutely vital for keeping long-term relationships ticking along.

Sam shared some cracking insights from his own life, including how health can sometimes be a bit of a party pooper when it comes to sexuality, and the sheer joy of date nights. He cheekily reminded us that age is just a number—definitely not a barrier to having a right good time in the bedroom or beyond!

Takeaways:

* The sexual revolution brought significant changes in women's empowerment (both good & bad)!

* Personal experiences shape the narratives in erotic literature.

* Health challenges can impact sexual intimacy but can be adapted to.

* Ethical non-monogamy was practiced before the term existed.

* Date nights can enhance connection and intimacy in relationships - no matter what your age!

Chapters

00:00 The Sexual Revolution: A Historical Perspective

06:03 Personal Experiences and Ethical Non-Monogamy

12:08 Maintaining Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

17:50 Adapting to Change: Health and Sexuality

24:05 The Importance of Communication and Connection

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To pledge your support, help keep this going and for me to spend more time promoting the joys of sex and intimacy for older adults, consider becoming a paid subscriber. A little goes a long way.

Hookups, Hiccups, and Happenstances is a collection of erotic short stories that capture the spirit of the era when attitudes toward sex were being redefined. Set in the wild, libertine world of the 60s and 70s, Sam’s stories follow the character of Butch, a man admired by both men and women for his unapologetic embrace of sexual freedom. The book explores encounters that celebrate human desire, autonomy, and mutual pleasure, offering a refreshing and boundary-pushing perspective on relationships.

You can buy it here.

Find Sam on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sam.l.feldman

One question that often comes up is how to make dating easier for men and women seeking serious relationships.

From my experience, finding a man who wants regular sex and understands female anatomy is far less challenging than finding one who desires a deep, meaningful connection beyond just physical intimacy.

I’ve been a virtual Facebook friend of Shakti Sundari for several years. During that time, I’ve watched her navigate relationships with men who were clearly incompatible, trying to make things work despite the odds. After taking a break due to family responsibilities, she moved to Glastonbury and settled into the community, which required some adjustment.

Recently, over the past three months, she’s been documenting her reengagement with dating on her Facebook profile. She expresses a desire to flirt, have fun, and eventually find a proper adult relationship. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading her long, detailed posts. Shakti has a wonderful curiosity and an open energy. Unlike many women I’ve spoken to who find the online dating scene disheartening and have given up, I can sense that Shakti is still in the process of figuring it all out and wants to help others to find the ‘conscious connection’ they are seeking too.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to receive sexy stories and sex toy reviews, helping me to support more older people to have pleasurable sex.

While she’s still navigating all of this, and being an educator for a significant period of time, teaching tantra, amongst other disciplines, she has decided to hold a series of workshops to offer women and men, during separate events, the opportunity to share their thoughts on the dating world, their experiences and with the hope of gaining more clarity in themselves and their online profiles in how they express themselves and what they are seeking in a partner.

She’s offering two online introductory events in January (more if there's demand): on Wed, Jan 15th & Sat, Jan 18th, 2025

Both will follow the same format. There'll be a maximum of 20 participants per session. Every woman is warmly welcome

Gathering #1

When: Wednesday, 15th January, 7-9pmWhere: Online via zoom

Registration: £11 via this PayPal link (please select friends & family payment option):

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/shaktisundarilove/11

You can find all the information about the Conscious Dating Collective Workshops here:

Laurie Stone is author of six books, most recently "Streaming Now, Postcards from the Thing that is Happening," longlisted for the PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel Award. She writes the Substack "Everything is Personal.”

When I read Laurie’s Stone Substack article about her decision to marry her long-term partner Richard at 78, following a brief two-week engagement, I knew I had to contact her. It was subsequently covered in the ‘Vows’ section in the New York Times.

Laurie and I have many mutual friends, mostly other writers and creative types, which led me to suspect her choice to marry was likely more thoughtful and less conventional than the typical “we’ve been together so long, we might as well.”

Just three weeks earlier, at a friend’s Christmas party, I had encountered another writer in her fifties, someone I had met a few times, who had recently announced her engagement to her partner of five years. (I’m sensing a micro-trend here). She expressed surprise at the mixed reactions from friends, ranging from “Well, I guess someone has to” to “Congratulations, how wonderful.”

I might have asked her if her decision was based purely on romance, to which she appeared taken aback and said “Yes, of course.” I explained that after my most recent partner passed away, I became acutely aware of my lack of agency, particularly in not being able to communicate directly with his doctors or stay informed about his declining health. It had left me feeling frustrated and angry.

This experience highlighted for me the emotional difficulties of being partnered but not married in the traditional sense, helping me understand some of the complexities involved and why deciding to marry when you’re no longer in your 20s or 30s, is not always a romantic one.

I have to admit I’m cynical about romance, having not had the best track record when it comes to long-term relationships and my own decade-long marriage was not filled with joy, and so I am curious as to why anyone would consciously choose to ‘tie-the-knot’ when my age. But I’m also a great believer in the old cliche, ‘To each, to his own,’ and have several friends who have been happily married for decades, so clearly it does work for some people, only not for me!

In any case, I’m not going to spoil some of the many interesting observations about love and marriage that Laurie shared with me during this discussion but only to say I hope you will enjoy our conversation as much as I did.

Laurie is hosting her next workshop on taking risks in your writing to which you are invited to attend if you become one of her paid subscribers. It’s taking place on 25th January 3 - 4 pm EST. The cost for a year is $37.50 and $3.75 a month making it one of the least expensive Substacks on the platform. “It’s uniquely literary, funny, sexy, and feminist.”

To RSVP, please write to: lauriestone@substack.com (once you become a paid subscriber)

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Guest

10:41 The Wedding Experience: A Unique Perspective

16:04 Reflections on Marriage and Practical Considerations

22:33 Writing and Personal Experiences: The Creative Process

30:52 Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported podcast, weekly newsletter with random notes and observations about sex, dating and relationships in later life.

Paid subscribers benefit from accessing all the paywalled content (podcasts and posts over two weeks old), joining me on Chat, supporting all my voluntary work with academics, doctors and health professionals in shaping how we talk about sex and intimacy issues with older adults. It’s only £4.99/month or £49.99/year.

OMG, I love this woman!

The last time Susan Bratton was on the show, we dived into all things related to sex and intimacy, including non-monogamy. Since then, she has appeared on ‘Diary of a CEO’ with Steven Bartlett, so she’s gone even more into the stratosphere than she was before, and I feel blessed to have her here talking to me. Steven calls her the ‘Orgasm Queen’ but, for me, Susan’s knowledge about sex and intimacy go way beyond the orgasm.

For this episode, we decided to focus specifically on pumping, of which Susan knows her stuff, as you’ll find out!

Until about a year ago, I had no clue what pumping was. I vaguely remember seeing ads in the back of comic books as a kid, claiming that men could increase the size of their penis with a large cylinder-like apparatus.

After chatting with several urologists on the show, who mentioned pumps to help men regain erections post-prostate surgery and clitoral pumps for older women seeking increased blood flow to their genitals, my partner and I decided to buy pumps and give them a try. I have to admit that, while I don’t use it often, my partner really enjoys it and has definitely noticed an increase in girth and the ability to maintain his erection. Plus, it’s pretty kinky to watch a partner pump and vice versa, a sentiment Susan and I both agree on!

On a more serious note, studies are now being undertaken to determine the effectiveness of pumping for men with erectile dysfunction and nerve damage through surgical procedures. Anecdotal evidence suggests that pumping can help restore blood flow to the penis (and the clitoris) meaning greater sensitivity and more pleasureable sex.

In short, if you’re an older guy, than you should be pumping 3 - 4 times per week and there’s nothing shameful or dangerous about pumping when used correctly.

And, here, for the first time is our video conversation!!

Here are some of the products we featured:

FirmTech MaxPR cock ring. Use my Code NOBLEDISC20 for 20% off. Buy here.

GRO N SHOW Men's Pump Package

LadyPump

Stimulate Red Light Pump Accessory

AndroDEEP Penile Extender for Length:

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Penis Pumps

02:58 Understanding the Mechanics of Pumping

06:05 The Kinky Side of Pumping

09:08 The Benefits of Clitoral Pumping

12:02 Pumping as Self-Care

15:04 The Science Behind Pumping

18:00 Choosing the Right Pump

21:00 Normalizing Pumping for Men

24:02 Conclusion and Future Perspectives

28:00 Understanding Erectile Dysfunction and Treatment Options

30:45 The Role of Red Light Therapy and Traction Devices

34:49 The Importance of Nitric Oxide for Sexual Health

40:54 Tools and Techniques for Enhancing Sexual Health

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported podcast, weekly newsletter with random notes, erotic stories and observations about sex, dating and relationships in later life.

Paid subscribers benefit from accessing all the paywalled content (podcasts and posts over two weeks old), naughtier-than-usual posts, joining me on Chat, supporting all my voluntary work with academics, doctors and health professionals in shaping how we talk about sex and intimacy issues with older adults. It’s only £4.99/month or £49.99/year.

Ken and I had a conversation last year about his relatively new business focused on supporting men with erectile dysfunction. His goal was to help them navigate the U.S. healthcare system and address their challenges in achieving and maintaining an erection.

Having experienced this issue firsthand and struggled to find a helpful healthcare provider, Ken wanted to save other men the time and effort. He wanted to work with them to understand their circumstances and experiences, ultimately providing a tailored recovery pathway.

Unfortunately, as we discussed in the show, he found it challenging to reach potential customers, who, I suspect, felt too ashamed to discuss their sexual health with another man who lacked a PhD, despite being a fully qualified sexologist and training with the Dr. Rachael Institute.

Our conversation delves into the stigma surrounding ED, the role of lifestyle and health in managing the condition, and the need for men to advocate for their sexual health. We also explore societal expectations of masculinity and the performative nature of male sexuality, as well as advancements in ED treatments and the importance of a holistic approach to health. Ken emphasises the need for open conversations about ED and the resources available to help men navigate their sexual health challenges.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Erectile Dysfunction

01:24 Ken's Personal Journey with ED

03:17 Understanding the Underlying Causes of ED

05:12 The Role of Lifestyle and Health

08:03 Advocating for Sexual Health

10:28 Breaking the Stigma Around ED

12:00 Marketing Challenges in ED Coaching

13:54 Societal Expectations and Masculinity

16:50 The Performative Nature of Male Sexuality

19:31 Advancements in ED Treatments

22:21 The Importance of Holistic Health

25:20 Navigating ED as a Lifelong Journey

29:03 Conclusion and Resources for ED

https://www.healthysexualitywithken.com/

🚀 Introducing The Intimacy Insider Membership

What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for older bodies.🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence.

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire, and pleasure without shame. Join them—subscribe now.

I have a very large sex toy collection, most given to me for free. When friends have come over and seen the overspilling box of toys next to my bed, the most common reaction is, “Wow, how do you find the time to use all of that?!'“

Here's the thing: testing out sex toys is a job like any other, and nobody knows that better than my guest, Ralph Greco. He has been reviewing toys for websites, magazines like Hustler, and anyone else willing to pay him for over a decade. As a result, I suspect he has a much larger toy collection than I do. I don’t envy him for that, though, because toys take up space, are mostly not recyclable, and we have only so many erogenous zones for which a vibrating device can enhance our pleasure.

Ralph is very funny and it was great to dive into the world of sex toys and our respective experiences using them. For those who have not been initiated into the world of sex toys, Ralph and I discuss how to get started, what does or doesn’t make a sex toy useful, the growing interest in prostate play amongst older men. We also touched on what to do when you have accumulated too many toys - is it OK to sell them on secondhand toy/underwear/pantyhose sites?

We we also delve into the evolving landscape of men's pleasure products, discussing the shift in perception towards adult toys for men. And we debate the balance between simplicity and complexity in product features, while humorously contemplating the future of pleasure with the potential rise of robotic companions.

00:00 Introduction to Naughty Writing and Erotica

06:01 Exploring Prostate Play and Older Men

13:57 The Challenge of Toy Accumulation and Disposal

19:12 Exploring Men's Toys: A Shift in Perception

25:31 Safety and Quality: The New Standards in Adult Toys

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.

Ralph’s New Book is out on Valentine’s Day! It’s called Sex: Everything You Didn't Know You Needed to Know and is co-authored with M. Christian.

One of the perks of my ‘job’ is occasionally being offered incredible freebies I can’t refuse. My massive sex toy collection is one example, and another is the post I wrote about a sensual massage I received from Colin Richards.

After nearly two hours of being massaged and sensually stroked by the country’s leading sensual masseur, I felt as though I’d just returned from a week-long holiday (one where I’d been liberally coated in oil). It was divine, and I was eager to catch up with him to hear about his latest venture—a web-based channel for those who enjoy both giving and receiving sensual massage.

While it may seem niche, more and more people, especially later in life, are exploring sensual massage as a way to revive their libido, deepen their connection with a partner, and fully embrace pleasure. In the world of massage, however, advertising these services can be tricky, as they often sit somewhere between adult work (even though penetration is typically not involved) and traditional massage.

That said, the sensual masseurs I’ve met take their work very seriously, ensuring that clients’ boundaries are respected and that the experience aligns with what the client is seeking.

Currently, the networking platform operates as a Telegram chat group called Intimacy Matters. This is described as “the first phase of creating a networking platform to unite sensual massage lovers and general sensualists.”

Colin explains: “To qualify to join, you should take great pleasure in giving and receiving erotic intimacy or, ideally, have some experience in sensual massage. You should appreciate intimacy and connection during sex. Empathy, authenticity, and being a good person should form the core of your values.”

To get access too the chat group you must complete the Application Form

00:00 Introduction to Sensual Massage and Community Building

05:58 Creating a Safe Space for Intimacy

12:03 Exploring Consent and Boundaries in Sensual Experiences

18:11 The Future of Intimacy and Sensuality for Older Adults

You can find Colin Richards at:

Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/Intimacymatters

Twitter; https://twitter.com/IntimacyMatters

Website: https://www.intimacymatters.co.uk

Colin is a member of The Association of Somatic & Integrative Sexologists

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.

Darlaine and I have met before, and in this conversation we talk openly and honestly about the challenges of sexual health, especially for women after breast cancer. We shared some of our personal experiences and talked about how hormonal treatments can impact intimacy, as well as the importance of taking care of vaginal health.

We also discussed how lifestyle choices can make a big difference, busted a few myths about feminine hygiene products, and looked at environmental factors that contribute to breast cancer. For me, the biggest takeaway was how much we need better education and support when it comes to sexual health, especially for women as we get older.

Chapters

02:57 Personal Experiences and Challenges

05:54 Exploring Sexual Health Post-Breast Cancer

09:02 The Importance of Vaginal Health

12:01 Understanding Hormonal Treatments

15:02 The Impact of Lifestyle on Sexual Health

18:05 Debunking Myths About Feminine Hygiene Products

20:58 Environmental Factors and Breast Cancer

24:01 Navigating Intimacy and Aging

26:53 Addressing Sexual Health Concerns

29:52 Conclusion and Future Conversations

Here’s what others have to say:

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table after dessert with good friends, giving voice to what some of us have been feeling and thinking for ages!"

"Love the dialogue, love the subject, will be a devoted listener!!

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.

In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', me and somatic psychotherapist Erica Shershun, Author of Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook, discuss the pervasive issue of sexual trauma, particularly in light of recent high-profile cases such as Gisele Pelicot. We explore the impact of rape culture, the importance of recognising trauma symptoms, and effective healing techniques.

Subscribe for honest, stigma-free sex advice for people who refuse to let age define their desires. Receive the weekly podcast direct to your inbox. ;)

Erica shares insights from her work with trauma survivors, addressing common misconceptions about trauma and healing, and introduces her new guided journal aimed at helping individuals navigate their healing journey.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Sexual Trauma Awareness

01:48 The Impact of Rape Culture

13:17 Healing Techniques for Trauma Survivors

22:52 Recognising Trauma Symptoms

26:51 Misconceptions About Trauma and Healing

28:56 New Resources for Healing Sexual Trauma

Erika’s new Healing Sexual Trauma Guided Journal is available now via Amazon.

"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."

Want to go deeper? Join The Intimacy Insider Membership for exclusive advice, unfiltered stories, and expert reviews that will transform the way you experience intimacy.

🚀 Introducing The Intimacy Insider Membership for only £9.99 or £49.99/year.

What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts and me in the chat room.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for ageing bodies - COMING SOON!🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence on Substack Live.

It was great to have Ena Xena back on the show, recently back from a winter in Goa and glowing. The last time she was on the programme we talked briefly about her work in ‘Human Design’ - a set of energy types that helps us to understand how to show up in the world, and how others relate to us.

Similar to the astrological chart, in that energy types are defined according to birth date, time and place (only three months before your actual birth occurs). “Human Design offers a map of your unique genetic design, with detailed information on both conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself.”

In this episode, we discussed Ena’s forthcoming workshops - one on Human Design and the other about Full Body Orgasms (where you are fully clothed!).

These will be taking place on the Union Canal, London, from 23rd February - 1st March and are entirely FREE, funded by the London Borough of Kensington & Chelsea.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Human Design and Workshops

03:04 Exploring Human Design Energy Types

06:11 Understanding Relationships through Human Design

09:01 The Role of Energy in Relationships

11:55 Full Body Orgasm Workshop Overview

14:50 Navigating Sexual Energy and Confidence

17:53 The Importance of Communication in Relationships

21:02 Normalising Conversations about Sexuality

23:46 Conclusion and Workshop Details

Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.