Secret Life (Brianne Davis)
Explorez tous les épisodes de Secret Life
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 26 Aug 2024 | Fearful Avoidant | 00:15:04 | |
In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the intricate world of fearful avoidant attachment styles. She explores how individuals with this attachment style desperately crave connection but simultaneously fear intimacy, creating a paradox that feels like nails on a chalkboard. Brianne dissects the behaviors, underlying anxieties, and emotional struggles that characterize fearful avoidants, from their tendency to engage in casual relationships to their difficulty in maintaining long-term bonds. Brianne also discusses how modern technology and instant gratification exacerbate avoidant behaviors, making genuine human connection even more challenging. She provides practical tools and insights for those grappling with this attachment style, emphasizing the importance of inner child work, setting boundaries, and seeking therapy to build healthier relationships. Tune in to understand the complexities of fearful avoidant attachment and learn how to navigate these emotionally taxing dynamics. 🔑 Episode Keywords Fearful Avoidant, Attachment Styles, Anxiety, Fear of Intimacy, Emotional Regulation, Trauma Bonding, Casual Relationships, Ghosting, Inner Child Work, Therapy, Boundaries, Relationship Challenges, Emotional Healing (00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today we are talking about dun dun dun (01:54) Fearful avoidance is an attachment style where you crave intimacy but fear intimacy (09:37) There's a pain from childhood that keeps you from fully connecting to another _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 18 Oct 2021 | Confessions of a Shopaholic: I Wanted to be Pretty Woman | 00:30:13 | |
Trigger Warning - This episode briefly touches on sexual abuse. Teresa’s step-dad showered her with gifts from a young age, all of it to keep her quiet about the sexual abuse that went on for years. As she grew up and married, she found herself in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, resentments. Eventually, she would use money to punish the men for their behavior. With the help of Debtors Anonymous, Teresa was able to make amends and change her behavior and patterns. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 18 Dec 2023 | Best Of: Ricky B - F*ck Cancer—Breakdown to Breakthrough | 00:32:02 | |
Checking himself into a psych ward with 29 years of sobriety was the last thing Ricky B. thought he would do. But after an aggressive prostate cancer diagnosis, he found the distant darkness that had plagued him in the past snuck back in. And the only option that made sense was to take his life. Yet he kept that all to himself. Yet another example that people are facing their own battles all the time, even if it isn't obvious. Ricky shares his heart-wrenching story as he turns his life around, identifies past resentments, and like a phoenix out of the ashes, finds true peace and serenity once again. Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired as EP #12 in August of 2020. Connect with Ricky B on Instagram September is Suicide Prevention Month -- You're not alone: Whether you have struggled with suicide yourself or have lost a loved one, know you are not alone. Hear about personal experiences from people in your local community whose lives have been impacted by suicide. Please check out American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 02 Aug 2020 | Kellee Stewart: Single and Freezing Eggs | 00:29:35 | |
Kellee Stewart's rollercoaster 7-year relationship ends with a surprisingly beautiful outcome on the other side. Kellee Stewart is a writer, producer, and actress last seen Ava Duvernay’s CHERISH THE DAY and CW’s ALL AMERICAN. Catch her in Peacock’s upcoming comedy A.P. BIO this fall. To reach Kellee : @kstew222 Instagram | @Kellee_Stewart Twitter ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE relationships, cheating, infidelity, love, sex, marriage, red flags, success, acting, recovery, narcissists, inspiration and self-love. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 16 May 2022 | Morgan: I Was a Therapist and Got Fired For Sleeping With My Client | 00:29:58 | |
Blinded by what she thought was love (she later discovered it was her Sex & Love Addiction), Morgan fell for a patient, broke the code of conduct, and ultimately lost her job when he threatened to sue the company. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ Secret Life podcast's topics include addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Aug 2020 | Breaking Black and LGBTQ Generational Beliefs | 00:34:24 | |
A family member took Shang's innocence; decades later he recognized that it wasn't his fault, his problem, or his shame to carry. What followed was a journey towards self-discovery, self-love, and finding his power as an artist. In effect, breaking the beliefs, his family held about being black, LGBTQ, and the secrets they kept. If you'd like to share your secret and be on the show: send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 16 Jan 2023 | Vince: I Have Done Amateur P*rn | 00:32:51 | |
Vince says it's been a fantasy for most guys to be in a p*rn. Is that true? Maybe because when you watch, you fantasize you're the person in the video? So what happens when the fantasy becomes real? Is it everything you expected? What if you got stage freight? _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Check out the Mindful in Minutes Podcast hosted by Kelly Smith and check out her site for more info: https://www.yogaforyouonline.com _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript [0:00:00] Vince: You get there and camera man setting up his stuff. Then the actress got there and I talked to her and he was still setting up his stuff. And then I got time to, like, shoot the thing and it was just I mean, it was I couldn't really get it going. No. [0:00:22] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. [0:01:12] Brianne Davis: You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really. You know, how, what, when, where, live it all today. My guess is Vince. Now, Vince, I have a question for you. What is your secret? [0:01:30] Vince: My secret is I've acted in amateur porn films. [0:01:33] Brianne Davis: Oh, yay. Okay, let's talk about it. When did you do that? [0:01:40] Vince: The first thing I did was. [0:01:44] Brianne Davis: Five years ago. [0:01:46] Vince: Yeah. And then it was for a period of it wasn't anything like glamorous. It was just sort of very amateur stuff. But for a period, for about two and a half years, it wasn't very many. It was probably eight. [0:02:04] Brianne Davis: Does anybody in your family or friends know? [0:02:08] Vince: No. [0:02:10] Brianne Davis: I'm getting so excited right now. I love a good secret. Secret. [0:02:14] Vince: Yeah. People who know me and know my personality, that would be the last thing, the last thing ever they would ever think. [0:02:26] Brianne Davis: Okay, let's go back five years ago. What was going on in your life before that? Can you say your occupation? [0:02:34] Vince: Yeah, I can say it. I'm a musician and I also do a little teaching, too. So you asked what was going on before that? [0:02:44] Brianne Davis: Yeah. What's going on before? [0:02:47] Vince: I can tell you. I was just kind of living my normal life. But what happened was I think that sort of was the impetus for it, was I had lost some weight and got into better shape. And it was always something I mean, I had, like, these ambitions. It was always something that I had sort of found. I guess most guys would sort of fantasize about that when they're watching porn. Can I do that? Yeah. Could I ever do that? [0:03:18] Brianne Davis: Is that a fantasy for guys? I didn't know that. [0:03:20] Vince: Maybe not an official fantasy, but it must be something that most guys think, like, wow, could I do that? I wonder if I could do that. I wonder how I'd be, that kind of thing. So I had always thought that and I had a friend, a close friend, and we always kind of joked about, yeah, we should make some amateur porn and produce it or something. It was just one of those things you say when you have a few drinks. It was something that you never because I feel like it's sort of a line you cross and once you do that, in some ways it's out there forever and then it's kind of like there's no coming back from it. Not that it's going to cause a disaster. Yeah, exactly. [0:03:59] Brianne Davis: But I have a question. Did you used to always watch a lot of porn? When did you first see porn? When you were younger, do you remember? [0:04:09] Vince: In fact, I'm a little older. I mean, this was the 90s before the internet, really. So I think I was in high school, someone had a video or something like that. But when I really started watching it, I guess with the rise of the tube sites like pornhub and I guess 2008, 2009 when the free content started coming online, then I became more of a watcher. [0:04:39] Brianne Davis: I just remember I saw it so young, the skin of Ax, you know, and it would come in fuzzy on the TV and you'd kind of be able to see it. [0:04:48] Vince: Yeah, sure. [0:04:51] Brianne Davis: We didn't have money, obviously. My parents didn't have money to pay for it. So we'd be like, oh, you can kind of see what's going on. [0:04:58] Vince: Yeah, yeah, that's 2008. 2009. I remember when I first heard about pornhub, I couldn't believe it. I mean, there was free before that. There were some sites that would have I think in 2007 or 2008 there were sites that would have little clips, just little clips for movies. Pornhub was kind of revolutionary in a lot of ways. It was bad. I don't know how anyone in that industry really makes money whenever they actually don't anymore. [0:05:31] Brianne Davis: Unless they produce it themselves, they don't really make money. [0:05:34] Vince: Exactly. So yeah, that's when I started really watching it. I had a desktop computer before that, but then I got a laptop and I had an iPad too. Although I never got this into the iPad. It's like it's sort of like cocaine or something. [0:05:51] Brianne Davis: It's a complete addiction. No, I actually deal with a lot of mostly men, but still a lot of women, they are addicted to porn. It's that fantasy. The fantasy becomes the reality more than the reality. [0:06:05] Vince: Yeah, exactly. So 2009 issue so I started watching more and then I think there was this process of desensitization too, because it just becomes normal. And that's I think when I really started thinking more about first it was just watching it and then I started thinking about like, wow, it's just more of a fantasy. Can I do this? Can I be in a room full of people? And really it just takes a certain breed, I thought. [0:06:42] Brianne Davis: I would say it probably does have a little bit of that exhibitionism going on. [0:06:47] Vince: Exactly. So the seeds of that whole thing, I guess, started there. I had lost some weight started losing some weight in 2017. And then I got down to I wasn't super heavy and I wasn't really heavy growing up. I had gained weight in my twenties and 30s, but then I had gotten back down to a decent weight, and I just that that idea was still there, that had been there, that sort of fantasy about it. And then I thought, I don't know, I was reaching out to some people online, okay. [0:07:20] Brianne Davis: And talking about in a chat group or something. [0:07:24] Vince: There were people it's sort of related to some things I was doing too. Maybe in a way, I kind of had a sexual addiction. I was seeing dominatrixes and stuff. [0:07:35] Brianne Davis: Wait, pause. Wait. You were seeing dominatrix? Is that another secret? [0:07:42] Vince: That was something I shared with some friends, not with family, but that was something I had shared with some friends. That was something I wasn't, and that was not really sexual. It was all sort of control. I mean, it was sexual in a sense. I wasn't having sex with them. I was experimenting with bondage and that kind of thing. So that kind of further wet my appetite for that world and further got me acclimated to that world. You had asked, yeah, there were a few dominatrix. Dominatrix CS. Would that be the plural? I always say dominatrix, but there are a few that I had kind of worked with a little bit. I could say a client of. And then I had mentioned it with them. And what happened, how I really started was at the time, I was going on Craigslist, and since they maybe changed it, but there were ads for models and that kind of thing, and it's coded a little bit, but you kind of know what it's about. So I think it was an ad that I saw for Men wanted for some amateur stuff. [0:08:53] Vince: Again, this was nothing like glamorous. This is like real gonzo stuff where you're shooting in someone's apartment. [0:08:59] Brianne Davis: Honestly, I don't think a lot of them are glamorous. [0:09:05] Vince: But yeah, actually, I'm wrong about that. What would happen was, okay, this is what it was. There was a dominatrix that I was seeing, and her, I don't know if it was her husband or boyfriend, they were making some amateur content and they wanted me to audition. [0:09:19] Brianne Davis: Did you? [0:09:20] Vince: I did. Yes, I did. [0:09:22] Brianne Davis: Okay. That's what you have to take it through. So take us through the audition process for an amateur porn. [0:09:29] Vince: Okay. And I know her a little bit. I got comfortable with her, but I had never met her husband or boyfriend. She said, yeah, he films the stuff and I'll direct it. And it was just basically like a solo scene just to see if I could do the stuff on camera. So we set up a time and went to her apartment and it was like, you want the details? [0:09:53] Brianne Davis: Yes. [0:09:54] Vince: Okay. So it's basically like she was on camera, like her husband was operating the camera, and she had said, can you really do this in front of my husband's going to be operating the camera? And I was like, Whoa, man. [0:10:05] Brianne Davis: Were you nervous? [0:10:07] Vince: Yeah, I was definitely nervous. And I thought my sexual experiences involved women. They weren't really like men or brown, you know what I mean? Is this going to be weird? Can I do this? But again, to me, I think there is sort of like a sexual addiction aspect to it because it was like this charge, like this rush. It was almost like that part of my brain was really like a drug. It's like, I remember driving there and calling my friend and saying, I'm really going to do this. And she was just like, you're crazy. She sort of thought it was funny. So I went in and then I met him and he was filming. I think he just had, like, an iPhone or something. I can't remember what he was using exactly. And she said, okay, we talked about what we're going to do. And she said, she's directing me and he's filming. [0:10:53] Vince: And it was just basically like, strip and take all your clothes off. And you kind of do your solo scene where you have to masturbate into completion and they want to kind of see if you can do that on camera. [0:11:05] Brianne Davis: So was it easy? Was it hard? How was the outcome of that audition? [0:11:13] Vince: Believe it or not, that outcome was good. It was good. It was fairly easy. [0:11:22] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:11:23] Vince: Yeah. [0:11:24] Brianne Davis: So you're driving away and then what's your thought? [0:11:28] Vince: It kind of just went my appetite for more. I thought, like, wow, because I can remember he was this kind of burly dude and he's filming it, but she can be seen and heard on camera. She didn't participate. She was basically directing it. It's like, okay, do this. She's, like, encouraging me and directing it, and he's filming. But, yeah, I was able to do it and get right into it. I wasn't nervous. It was like, all right, strip. And I was like, Bam. I don't know, I just sort of became this character or whatever, but I felt like it was an aspect of me. It felt fine, really. It wasn't like, I did it and I thought, oh, my God, what have I done? I was cool with it. Okay, yeah, so we did that and then after that but see, I'm in an area, I don't want to say exactly where I am, but I'm not in La. [0:12:16] Vince: I'm not in a big city like. [0:12:18] Brianne Davis: You'Re in a small town somewhere. [0:12:19] Vince: Yes. Things move slowly. So I did that in the fall of in the fall. And then I didn't do anything again until I had another friend who was I saw who was a dominatrix, and he was trying to get into filming content. And we filmed the scene, and it was more like this, too. It was more like a solo scene. It was more like a domination theme. [0:12:41] Brianne Davis: Were you getting dominated or was she getting done? [0:12:43] Vince: I was getting dominated, yes. [0:12:45] Brianne Davis: Got you. [0:12:45] Vince: And we kind of worked out the scene. It was kind of like the same situation. And we did that, and I knew her pretty well, so I was comfortable with that. That went well. But I can tell you where things started to really go off the tracks, where I hit some roadblocks. [0:12:58] Brianne Davis: Let's do it. [0:13:00] Vince: I have these two scenes under my belt, and I think I'm a pro. [0:13:04] Brianne Davis: You're like, I got. [0:13:08] Vince: That. I did the second thing in the wintertime. Then I remember by that. I had hooked up with this cameraman who had done, like, legitimate things. He had filmed some legitimate stuff around town. Like, he was an editor and he was, like, a real camera guy. He wanted to get into this stuff and he wanted to produce some videos, so I hooked up with him. Now, this was, like, my first real boy girl shoot. This was that spring, the following spring, in May. And there was an actress. He was basically producing it, an actress he got from out of town. She was from New England or something. But she had done some stuff like she was nice, cool and everything. And he got her for the scene. And I had checked out some of her stuff and I talked to her on the phone. [0:13:53] Vince: She was really cool. So she came in from Connecticut or whatever she drove in, and he had gotten this room at the Holiday Inn. [0:14:00] Brianne Davis: In the Holiday Inn? [0:14:02] Vince: Yeah. [0:14:03] Brianne Davis: I love it. [0:14:05] Vince: So I remember the night before that, I was a little nervous, but I was like, I don't know. [0:14:09] Brianne Davis: Wait, my question for you. Were you getting paid at this time. [0:14:12] Vince: Or no, I was barely getting really paid. It was never for the month with the guys. [0:14:17] Brianne Davis: I know, but did you get paid for that one? [0:14:20] Vince: I think I got a little travel money, but I basically like, the money went to her. [0:14:24] Brianne Davis: Got it. [0:14:25] Vince: So I was just kind of like, I want to start getting my name out there as an actor. And he wanted to set this up. So yeah, I hardly got it. I think I got a little travel money, but nothing I mean, I might have gotten $50 or something. We do the scene. So it's the day of the scene, and I was a little nervous in my mind. I wasn't that nervous, really, until I got there. It's such like a clinical you get there and carry on setting up his stuff. And he was, like, a little kind of apprehensive about bringing all this stuff through the hallway. He didn't want to put it somehow on the store. It's like a little inconspicuous. He's got, like, lights and all this stuff and he sets up the lights and everything. And then the actress got there and I talked to her and he was still setting up his stuff. And then I got time to shoot the thing. I couldn't really get it going. [0:15:33] Vince: No, I remember. [0:15:35] Brianne Davis: Was it the pressure? [0:15:37] Vince: It was just everything. It was just you're in this very clinical environment. Like, you've got this big burly camera dude. He was a nice guy, too, but he's got these lights. And the actress, she was very nice. She was very professional. But cameraman setting up his stuff. And like I said, that was taking forever. And then finally, after an hour, whatever it was, we got time to do. And then some question about what exactly we were going to do as far as for the scene. But I guess we decided to kind of let it evolve organically, just naturally. But I knew I had a problem. I just couldn't get my equipment going. No. [0:16:16] Brianne Davis: A professional actor, even when I do love scenes and it's so clinical and you actually have to work it out or there's too much pressure and you don't know. So I can imagine being like, let's see what happens with all those lights and people looking at all. I know it literally perform all the way. [0:16:36] Vince: Yeah, it was a little cold in that hotel room. It made it even worse that morning. Not to get too graphic or anything, but I remember the night before, I didn't do anything with myself. [0:16:53] Brianne Davis: Get ready for tomorrow. I get it. [0:16:56] Vince: But that morning, I sort of, like, tested myself out a little bit. Can I get this going? I felt like felt good. Okay. But when we got time to really shooting it, I just couldn't get anything going. I remember when I went to the bathroom, I felt like I'll try to get myself going in there. And I remember the bathroom was cold. It was, like, cold, kind of. I was in there. I was trying to get things going and it just was not happening at all. Not at all. Like I was saying, it was like that feeling where you're at the doctor's office or something, you might be a little nervous and the last thing on your mind would be trying to get aroused. You know what I mean? It was strange to me because I didn't know what it was, really. I mean, the actress was pretty, she was nice. [0:17:43] Vince: I think it was just this whole I have total respect for the guys that can act in these films. Just to be able to turn it on like that. Under all circumstances or different circumstances. I'm sure they have problems occasionally, but I couldn't even really get it going a little bit. So I'm in there. I kind of popped out for a minute and I was talking to them. I think they were patient and understanding, but I felt like just an idiot. You know what I mean? I felt like I was and then. [0:18:13] Brianne Davis: That makes it worse, right? Where you're eating yourself up and they're like, Come on, come on. [0:18:18] Vince: It did make it worse. So we weren't really able to film, like, a whole movie, really, but we were able to do, like, a few scenes, not to be too graphic. We did, like, an oral scene, and we did try to do a few other things, but there was no penetration scene, really. I just couldn't do it. And it was funny. It was pretty funny because I tend to talk when I get nervous. So I was talking to her. It was like, in some ways, it was like and he's got the camera rolling, and I'm trying to compensate for my failure by being, like, a little funny and I'm a little neurotic, and it's like Woody Allen making a porn or something. It was just ridiculous. And at one point, the cameraman, he's kind of, like, heckling me a little bit, I have to say. It was a failure. It was absolutely a failure. [0:19:12] Brianne Davis: Just did not do your best. I'll give you an A for effort. [0:19:21] Vince: Well, thank you. It was just a weird feeling. I mean, I got there, like I said that morning, I kind of felt like, okay, I can do this. And I just got there and I tried to get myself going, but it was like the opposite of being around. I could not do it. I could not do it at all. He still wound up. What he did was he filmed a little solo scene with the actress when I was trying to get my stuff together. And so he was able to, I think, use that a little bit, and. [0:19:51] Brianne Davis: Then he cut it and make it look a certain way. [0:19:54] Vince: Yeah, just as a standalone solo scene for her. Then we were able to do an oral scene and that kind of thing. So some of that, I think, was usable. But yeah, the most I remember when he was editing it, he just told me it was hard to edit because it was just so ridiculous, and he was trying to take out all my talking. That's something I learned just to preview a lot. I did learn a lot from it. The two things I learned was just to keep your mouth shut. [0:20:28] Brianne Davis: Don't talk. [0:20:29] Vince: Yeah, just to keep your mouth shut. And I also learned to take a little chemical help before the next scene, which I did. [0:20:37] Brianne Davis: And I had a bad, like, Viagra or something. [0:20:39] Vince: My friend gave me a Sialis. Yeah. [0:20:42] Brianne Davis: Okay. So there was a second time after that. Was it with the same cameraman or. [0:20:50] Vince: A different no, it was with a different camera person. [0:20:55] Brianne Davis: So what made you want to do it? The time after wasn't that traumatizing? Or you were like, I can do this. I can do this. [0:21:05] Vince: I just wanted to redeem myself. It's like kind of thing. You have a miserable failure, you crash and burn and you say, I've got to try this again. And I knew I thought, if I fail at this one, then I'm not cut out for it. But this one had a much better outcome. [0:21:19] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:21:20] Vince: Yeah. So this was a couple of months later. So it was May that I had that failure. I tried to laugh about it. It was funny. [0:21:27] Brianne Davis: It is funny. It's great. Listen, it's good you're putting yourself out there and trying something new. And you're not always going to succeed the first time. It's okay. [0:21:37] Vince: Yeah. I mean, if you were to watch it, it's so ridiculous. I'm just jabbering, like the whole time. And the more I'm failing, the more I'm talking. And she was a good sport, and it was ridiculous. But I remained on good terms with the camera man. And we actually filmed something. We filmed something after that. We filmed another domination type scene. That was a year later. But yes, I wanted to redeem myself. And by the way, he put this stuff online. [0:22:12] Brianne Davis: How did it feel being online? [0:22:15] Vince: It was a little weird. But my feeling about that is there's so much stuff online now, there's such an remain anonymous. It was on one of the tubes. It was actually on X videos. It was on pornhub, too. Pornhub had a purge of their content. They purged a lot of their stuff. [0:22:37] Brianne Davis: So yours got purged. [0:22:39] Vince: I think if you went through you had to go through like a reauthorization process or something. And he was legit and stuff, but I think he didn't want to bother with that. But yeah, there was a copy of it too. It was actually on X videos at one point for a while. [0:22:55] Brianne Davis: So here's my question for you with that. Have you made any money from that? No. Okay. [0:23:01] Vince: Nothing. Yeah. [0:23:02] Brianne Davis: Okay. So let's get back to your triumphant return. [0:23:06] Vince: Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is better. At this point. I joined a website that is called Sexy Jobs. It's for adult performers who want to reach out to producers and that kind of a thing. Okay. I joined that. And I had connected with a woman who's a few hours away, she was working with again, this is really very gonzo not glamorous stuff at all, really. Just kind of people making amateur content. Yeah. She was working with a woman who was producing a video, and I told her I should show her. I showed her something else. I certainly didn't show her that failure scene. [0:23:49] Vince: I think I showed her like a solo scene or something. And then we set up a date to work together. So it was a different camera person. It was her friend or her so called manager, whatever she was filming it and producing it. So this was a few hours away. I went and did a shoot with them. And now that was the one I was preparing. My friend had given me that pill, and he told me to take it. And I took it. And that scene went much better. We were actually able to film, like, a real movie. I remembered I said to myself, just keep your mouth shut. Just don't talk. And I was respectable in that one. I'm not saying I was. [0:24:35] Brianne Davis: I know you did your job, but listen. [0:24:38] Vince: But I was okay. It was a respectable performance. [0:24:42] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing. I love that you keep giving this tip. Don't talk if you're going to go into porn or mature porn. Do not talk. Keep your mouth shut. [0:24:52] Vince: Yeah, especially for the guys are just like ornaments, really. I mean, it all exists. Most of it, yes. Men who want to watch women. So no one wants to hear some guy jabber, especially some neurotic Woody Allen. Dude, it was outrageous. I couldn't believe I was that bad. This time. I just thought, okay, I'm not going to talk. [0:25:13] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:25:13] Vince: But the difficulty with this one was and we were able to shoot like a whole scene with several acts and stuff. And it was good. It was fine. The only issue with that was that had challenges, too, because what were the challenges? The producer. The camera woman, producer lady. She was cool and everything, but she had this style of shooting. And what do I know? I'm no veteran or anything. But instead of just like rolling, letting you, like kind of do your thing organically and rolling, she would say, okay, we're going to shoot this oral scene. And then she said it would take 15 minutes to set up the camera and different angles. She didn't really have that much equipment. She had less equipment than the camera guy that I worked with before. But she had lights and stuff. So she's taking forever to set the scene up. [0:26:04] Vince: And then, okay, then we do the oral scene. And it's like, okay, stop. Then she's taking like 15 or 20 minutes to set up for the other whatever else we're going to do following that. So in between, your momentum is broken. [0:26:18] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the world of filming. That is every actor, whether you're in porn or regular actor, just like, worst nightmare, welcome to the club. [0:26:30] Vince: But I feel like it's even worse with this because you have to get yourself so I would just be sitting and standing around that's like, okay, start resume this. What the hell? And then I did have some mild issues with that. I had some mild issues, like getting going in between, but I was still able to do it. And then we were able to get the climax and everything. The pop shot, whatever you want to call it. I was able to actually fulfill my role, even though I had a few minor problems, but yeah, that was the challenge with that one. It was just ridiculous. This kept happening. It was like, okay, do this then. Okay, I'm going to set up. Sometimes it was like 20 minutes in between and she's messing with the lights and that's like, okay, start again, man. I mean, how can you do that? Especially with something like. [0:27:22] Brianne Davis: Yes, turn it on again. [0:27:24] Vince: And then it would just be but that was the one where I redeemed myself. I felt like I redeemed myself. [0:27:31] Brianne Davis: Yay. Congrats, Vince. Congratulations. So here's the thing. Are you going to do it again? Is this going to be a part of your life? Has it become an addiction? How are you feeling? [0:27:46] Vince: Yeah, I would love to do it again. It's just that the area where I am, it's tough and there's not much happening here. And I tried to reach out to some more like real whatever you want to call it, real producers or some La kind of producers. Part of me felt like I don't really have what it takes to really be like a real guy that can just go in like a caveman and just have sex with a girl under any circumstances. I know I don't have that right. And then there's not much really being made where I am. But I thought my strength was where I did the best was solo scenes. I had no problem, just totally no problem. And then doing these domination themed scenes, I've done a few with that original cameraman. We did another one where I play like, Peeping Tom, proprietor of a motel, and I'm watching this woman and she catches me set up a camera. And that was scary. And there was a little acting involved, and that was done with an actress outside of where I am. And she had done some stuff. She was yeah, she had the experience. And I enjoyed the acting aspect and kind of doing some lines and kind of riffing and stuff like that. [0:28:58] Vince: I felt like that was more my strength than actually just going in and being like this caveman and just being. [0:29:02] Brianne Davis: Able to well, just being the prop. Then it's just being the prop. Is that what I completely get that. But how does it feel now? Because this is the first time you've said this secret out loud. How are you feeling right now? Does it feel free? [0:29:17] Vince: Yeah, it feels good again. To me, I've sort of been desensitized, really. Like, I've been a little desensitized, really. So to me, it almost feels like it's normal to do this stuff. [0:29:29] Brianne Davis: Yeah. [0:29:29] Vince: But I remember that this was a gradual process and in the beginning it's still not completely normal now. But in the beginning, I would have thought it was the most outrageous thing. But now it's like you get kind of used to it in a way. But yeah, obviously if everyone found out, it would be. Scandal or be bad. But yeah, if there wasn't such a stigma about it, I'd be okay with telling people. [0:29:56] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing. Sex work is actually coming less stigmatized. So maybe this is the first step of you actually leaning into this hobby that could be a career. Who knows? Who knows, right? The whole thing I love is that you're willing to come on right now and share it with us and share your truth in a very funny story, which I very much appreciated this morning. So thank you for that. [0:30:20] Vince: Yeah, thank you. [0:30:21] Brianne Davis: Is there anything else you want to add before we get off? [0:30:25] Vince: Yeah, sure. I have a question for you. I would like to get a female opinion about this. [0:30:30] Brianne Davis: Sure. [0:30:30] Vince: If this is part of my history of something I've done, I always wonder, I told, when you're dating someone, do you think it's something that he had a little history of this stuff? Would you feel like it would be something that he should tell you, or. [0:30:45] Brianne Davis: No, I mean, I think that's a personal preference. If you're dating someone, if you're with someone for a while and they become a significant other, I think that would be an important time to reveal. But if you just start dating someone, I don't think that's relevant for them to know. I always believe when you start dating, you don't overshare at first. You ask questions. You ask about the other person and see if they're a good fit for you before you divulge every dark secret you've ever had in your life. And I don't think it would hinder someone wanting to be in a relationship with someone. But I don't know, that's just me. Everybody has different preferences, but that's just me. [0:31:24] Vince: Yeah. I mean, I wonder about that. And even the job I have, I don't know if I'd automatically be fired for that. [0:31:31] Brianne Davis: Well, you're a teacher, right? So I don't know either, so I have no clue. Yeah, but here's the thing. Your secret is okay to reveal and live your truth at the same time. [0:31:43] Vince: Sure. And again, I think that the stigma attached to adult work is sort of fading away a little bit. [0:31:50] Brianne Davis: I think a lot of it. [0:31:52] Vince: Yeah. I feel like it's totally different from even the mean. I feel like the Internet really changed everything. [0:32:00] Brianne Davis: They normalized. It as young as six and eight years old, which is not okay. But I'm so grateful you came on. I'm so grateful you reached out. This has been such a fun interview. So thank you for coming on. [0:32:15] Vince: Thank you so much. [0:32:17] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. [0:32:29] Vince: Bye. [0:32:30] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 20 Jun 2022 | Lupe: As a Gay Man I Had Internalized Homophobia Until I Was 59 | 00:23:35 | |
Lupe’s family immigrated from Mexico to Washington State in the early 50s. He battled internal homophobia because the way his culture regarded being a macho man and the negative connotation connected to being gay. He also struggled with his dark skin and the desire to find an older white man like he saw on television, as his partner and to fulfill his daddy issues. This episode is jam-packed with old beliefs that Lupe stripped away while he discovered more about himself and his behaviors in SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). Topics in this episode include Internalized Homophobia, gay pride, sex addiction, love addiction, shame, and self-love. For more information about Sex & Love Addiction Anonymous: https://www.slaafws.org ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 30 Nov 2020 | Michelle Chalfant: The Adult Chair | 00:26:34 | |
Transform your past experiences into positive, life-affirming behaviors. Michelle Chalfant's Adult Chair model is an integrated approach that will help you recognize how all of your life experiences have shaped you and then use that awareness to regain control, discover your most authentic self and transform your life!
TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE depression, suicide, past beliefs, negative self talk, healthy adult, behaviors, gratitude, attitude, self-care, self-love, addiction, recovery, sex & love, courage, freedom and happiness. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ Michelle Chalfant is an author, speaker, therapist, and coach living based out of Charlotte, NC. With a Master™s Degree in Counseling and additional trainings in energy medicine, meridian therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), PSYCH-K, chakra balancing, meditation, intuition, and yoga, Michelle is uniquely qualified to guide others on the path to authentic living through the model she developed called The Adult Chair Model. With a top rated podcast, online courses and consistently sold out workshops, Michelle is dedicated to helping others learn to live authentic and powerful lives through her practice, which includes individual and couples™ therapy sessions, and her website, which features useful content like guided meditations, educational videos, and other tools for self-realization and transformation. Free Gift: One month free in TAC Tribe for the month of DECEMEBER 2020 PROMO CODE: SECRETLIFE Free Gift: Inner Child Resource Michelle Chalfant Website Michelle Chalfant Instagram The Adult Chair Workshop – Charleston (April 2021) https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 25 Mar 2024 | Love Bombing! | 00:23:57 | |
In this enthralling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt pulls back the curtain on the intoxicating yet perilous world of love bombing. With the precision of an emotional detective, Brianne dissects the manipulative tactics of love bombers, sharing her own past as both the perpetrator and the recipient of this seductive strategy. She exposes the lure of intense affection and the hollow promises that often leave a trail of confusion and hurt. Brianne equips listeners with the signs to watch out for, from excessive compliments to premature declarations of love, and dives into the psychology behind the need to rapidly secure a partner's affection. She challenges us to resist the rush and to recognize the difference between genuine connection and strategic manipulation. This episode is a deep dive into the complexities of modern dating, the misuse of therapeutic language, and the dangers of mistaking intensity for intimacy. Brianne's insights are a call to action for those who find themselves ensnared by love bombers or who may unknowingly be one themselves. If you've ever felt the dizzying highs and abrupt lows of a love-bombed relationship or if you're navigating the dating world's treacherous waters, this episode is a guiding light. Tune in for a raw, enlightening exploration of love, deception, and the journey to authentic connection on the Secret Life Podcast. #SecretLifePodcast #LoveBombing #EmotionalManipulation #Dating #Relationships #Intimacy #ModernDating #AuthenticConnection #SelfAwareness #Boundaries #HealthyRelationships If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 24 May 2021 | Overcoming an Addiction to Negative Thinking & Tics | 00:22:46 | |
As a successful actor in tv and film, having a tic could easily be seen as a significant challenge. Still, with the help of a therapist, Jack discovered his tic was, in fact, a low-grade case of Tourette Syndrome. After suffering decades of shame for an undiagnosed "bad habit", Jack eventually found a way to control it and the addiction to negative thinking that went along with it. To DOWNLOAD Jack's book: https://jackplotnick.com/teacher/ _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _________ SPONSOR INFORMATION It's Not About The Drugs or Alcohol or sex or food... IGNTD Recovery does away with the notion that people with these problems are all helpless alcoholics or addicts who are doomed to a life of suffering. Throwing away the silly (and unsupported by research) notion that ANYONE who needs help must commit to lifelong abstinence from everything, IGNTD Recovery gets to the core of the problem in a nonjudgmental, convenient and affordable way that has NEVER before been available. So if you, or someone else you know, needs to make a change, let us ignite you! Finally A Program That Fits Your Schedule and your life and offers help without asking you to give up your life. Sign up for a 14 day trial for free: http://bit.ly/brianneigntd _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 13 Nov 2023 | Charla: I Was So Shut Down, I Could Have Walked Away From My Kids | 00:29:29 | |
Charla started to shut down emotionally since age six. From emotional and physical abuse, to neglect and losing her virginity to rape at sixteen, Charla had to shut down in order to survive. Her underlying self-talk is, “Charla, you don’t matter.” As she got older and got into more relationships, she found herself trauma bonding and eventually found herself in recovery from Sex and Love Addiction (SLAA). *TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics of sexual assault and trauma. Some people may find it disturbing. RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 16 Oct 2023 | Brooke: I Might Be a Sex & Love Addict; I've Slept with Over 100 People | 00:30:58 | |
In this week's episode, we delve into Brooke's compelling story of seeking acceptance and battling personal demons in the world of love and sex addiction. From her humble origins in a small town, where friends and family subjected her to bullying, to her discovery of a supportive online community that embraced her for who she truly is, this is a narrative of resilience and transformation. Join us as we follow Brooke's path through the shadows of desire, addiction, and depression, where she not only confronts her darkest temptations but also discovers the power of love in its most unexpected forms. Take the questionnaire yourself:https://slaafws.org/40-questions/ _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Mar 2022 | Paul Gilmartin: I've Struggled with a Video Game Addiction | 00:25:31 | |
Is Video Game Addiction Real? It’s great to do things you enjoy. But can you go too far with a hobby? And at what point does it become an addiction? That’s the question experts are trying to answer about playing video games. The World Health Organization added “gaming disorder” to the 2018 version of its medical reference book, International Classification of Diseases. But the American Psychiatry Association’s manual, the DSM-5, didn’t. (So far, gambling is the only “activity” listed as a possible addiction.) Signs to Watch For The DSM-5 does include a section to help people and doctors know the warning signs of problem video gaming. These problems can happen whether you play online or offline. Here’s what to look for in yourself or someone close to you -- your partner, a child, or a friend. You need to have five or more of these signs in 1 year to have a problem, according to criteria that were proposed in the DSM-5:
From WebMD _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Comedian Paul Gilmartin hosts a weekly, hour-long audio podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour, consisting of interviews with artists, friends, and the occasional doctor. Podcast: The Mental Illness Happy Hour Podcast | Website | Instagram | Twitter Check it out wherever you podcast Apple | Google | Amazon | Instagram ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 30 May 2022 | Julie Paulston: I've Had Two Abortions & Gave Up My Oldest For Adoption | 00:35:39 | |
Whether you're in the Pro-Choice or the Pro-Life camp, we at Secret Life believe that everyone has the right to their own beliefs, but no one has the right to tell a woman what she can or can not do with her body. Julie shares her honest and vulnerable story about her abortions, giving up her oldest son for adoption, and releasing the shame and guilt about those choices. On the road from addiction to recovery, we confront our past and take responsibility for our actions; Julie shares her journey and the freedom it's given her. *Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide, trauma, and abortion. Some people may find it disturbing. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE abortion, rape, adoption, suicide, pro-choice, pro-life, alcohol and drug addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, self-love, and courage. _____ Julie Paulston — My mission is to empower women across the globe to rise from the ashes of their lives to reclaim their Inner Divine Phoenix and rise to embody the life of their dreams. Podcast: Be The Phoenix of Your Own Life [IG @DivinePhoenixRising] Instagram: @gr8ful4life ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT. Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 24 Jan 2022 | Rivkah Reyes: I’m a Recovering Pathological Liar | 00:31:39 | |
Regardless of the situation, Rivkah's compulsive urge to lie about matters big and small started as early as first grade, from lying about a birthday to starring in the touring company of Les Misérables, and even sexual orientation. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE lying, stealing, cheating, recovery, sex & love addiction, alcoholism, lesbian, bisexual, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness. The document discussed in the episode: AM I LESBIAN GOOGLE DOC _____ Rivkah Reyes, is an LA-based actor, writer, comedian, musician, and host of the podcast “Where Are We Now?” In addition to their work on screen, stage, and page, Rivkah is a practitioner of the psychic arts, offering Akashic Records readings for mystics, misfits, skeptics, and everyone in between. Twitter & Instagram: @rivkah.reyes ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 10 Jul 2023 | Best Of — Trinity: The Sexual Predator — My OB-GYN | 00:36:53 | |
In another moment of "What the f@#% is wrong with some men," we have a brave survivor who shares her story of being sexually assaulted minutes after giving birth. Was this deep-seated secret fuel on the first for her addictions and suicidal thoughts? Listen to her heartbreaking and ultimately uplifting journey to recovery. Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on March 29, 2021, as Ep #42. *TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics of sexual assault, trauma, and abortion. Some people may find it disturbing. RAINN - Sexual Assault Hotline - Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline On March 26, 2021, USC agreed to pay over $1 bn to over a thousand victims. According to an editorial published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology, over the past two years, at least eight gynecologists have landed in the media spotlight after sexual misconduct allegations, according to an editorial published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology. That includes Dr. George Tyndall, the former longtime head gynecologist of the health center at the University of Southern California. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 17 Jun 2024 | The Magical Closure Talk: It Isn't Real | 00:16:36 | |
In this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the elusive concept of closure. She passionately dismantles the myth of closure, describing it as a "motherfucking scam" and a fantasy that keeps people stuck in the past. Brianne urges listeners to accept the end of relationships as they are and to move forward without seeking that one final conversation or moment that promises to make everything okay. Brianne shares personal experiences and real-life examples, emphasizing that true closure comes from within. She highlights the importance of letting go and moving on, rather than holding onto the false hope that closure will bring peace. Through her candid and fiery discussion, Brianne offers practical advice on how to achieve self-closure, such as writing unsent letters and focusing on personal growth. This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with the end of a relationship or friendship. It's a powerful reminder that closure is not something to be obtained from others but a gift we give ourselves. Tune in to discover the freedom that comes with letting go and embracing the present and future. #SecretLifePodcast #ClosureMyth #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellness #LettingGo #SelfHealing #Relationships #MovingOn #InnerPeace #SelfAcceptance 🔑 Episode Keywords Closure Myth, Personal Growth, Emotional Wellness, Letting Go, Self-Healing, Relationships, Moving On, Inner Peace, Self-Acceptance, Boundaries, Vulnerability, Fantasy vs. Reality (00:00) It doesn't exist. Closure isn't real. Closure is a motherfucking scam (00:23) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine (01:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate (01:34) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt (02:05) Today we are talking about magical closure (05:00) The fantasy of closure and why it doesn't exist (08:12) Personal story: Client's struggle with the idea of closure (12:45) Why seeking closure is a power play and a way to hold on (16:30) The importance of self-closure and letting go (20:50) Writing a letter for self-closure (24:10) Final thoughts on moving forward and healing _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 28 Feb 2022 | Susan: I Married a Narcissistic Sociopath | 00:32:20 | |
While still deep in her addiction, Susan married a sociopath and was trauma bonded with him for the first four years of her sober journey; he continued to drink daily while she focused on staying sober even through the abuse. Once she finally found the strength to walk away, her husband continued to stalk and harass her up until the day he decided to end his life. She shares her story today to help others that may be trapped in an abusive relationship or suffer from alcoholism. Her's is a message of hope! Susan is a Southern California native with two grown daughters and is a recovering alcoholic that has been sober for 10 years. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE gaslighting, narcissism, sociopath, love bombing, love, unrequited love, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ PODCAST SHOUT-OUT For the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast available wherever you get podcasts https://linktr.ee/knockindoorzdown ____________ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 04 Oct 2021 | Adam Fout: The Whack-A-Mole Phenomenon—From Alcohol & Drugs to Food & Sex | 00:35:27 | |
When you restrict on one type of addiction, you must watch for another addiction to take its place. It's a widespread occurrence that most addicts can identify with. Taking away the drink, drug or relationship isn't the solution; it only stops the destructive behavior. It's what's underneath the addiction and addressing the "why" that we start to heal. Like many people, there were addictions like food and sex that preceded the alcohol and drug addiction that happened later and were first addressed. But the feelings and thoughts were still there. Adam Fout and Brianne discuss the phenomenon of cross addiction and how to find recovery from it. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ Adam Fout is an addiction / recovery / mental health blogger and a speculative fiction / nonfiction writer in North Texas. He's a graduate of the 2020 Odyssey Writing Workshop and was a finalist in the F(r)iction Spring 2020 Nonfiction Contest. His nonfiction appears in december, Superstition Review, and elsewhere. His speculative fiction appears in Flash Fiction Online. Read his addiction/mental health blog at adamfout.com ____ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 26 Jul 2021 | Kamala Jones: Fibroids—The Secret Women Don't Share | 00:28:28 | |
Kamala Jones and Brianne Davis share their stories and struggle with fibroids and major surgery. Something that is very common, but rarely talked about. The National Institutes of Health estimates that 80% of all women will develop uterine fibroids at some point during their lives. Because many women don't experience any symptoms, it's possible the incidence of uterine fibroids is even higher. Fibroids are considered benign or noncancerous but can make life painful. Kamala Jones is a sitcom actress and acrylic artist living between Scottsdale and Los Angeles. Connect with Kamala Instagram | Acrylic Artist ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 15 Nov 2020 | Follow-Up: Miscarriage Revelations | 00:17:57 | |
Ep #23's Jennifer was struck with a powerful realization after listening to her episode and agreed to share more. HHaving had an even greater wave of guilt and shame, she can’t help but wonder if she willed her baby away. Shortly after the miscarriage and the break-up, she moves across the country, drinking and hooking up with men to numb the pain, and fell into a deep depression. She felt hopeless, loveless, and lost her passion for acting. ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE abuse, miscarriage, guilt, shame, relationships, creating boundaries, self-care, and self-love ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 22 Apr 2024 | Liar, Liar | 00:18:31 | |
In this gripping episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt pulls back the curtain on the deceptive world of liars, sharing her personal encounters with the spectrums of dishonesty. From the natural liar, whose falsehoods are a coping mechanism, to the pathological liar, who believes their own fabrications, and the chilling psychopath, whose lies are tools of manipulation, Brianne dissects the motivations and behaviors that define these deceivers. Through her exploration, Brianne reflects on her past as a "natural liar," the survival tactics born from low self-worth and trauma. She provides a compelling analysis of how liars operate, employing vague generalities, inconsistent stories, and a lack of accountability that can wreak havoc on their lives and those around them. Listeners are given a front-row seat to the telltale signs of a liar, the rush they get from deception, and the complex reasons behind their behavior, including dysfunctional family backgrounds and various personality disorders. Brianne doesn't just leave us in the darkness of deceit; she offers a light of hope with strategies for dealing with liars, from building a case with concrete facts to the difficult decision of when to cut ties and move on. This episode is a powerful reminder that while liars can be convincing, we have the strength to recognize the truth, set boundaries, and ultimately, forgive ourselves for being misled. Join Brianne as she guides us through the maze of lies and out into the clarity of truth and self-trust. #SecretLifePodcast #Liars #Deception #Truth #SelfTrust #Psychopath #PathologicalLiar #Healing #Forgiveness #PersonalGrowth Episode Chapters (00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of liars (02:00) Brianne's personal struggle with liars and her own past as a liar (05:20) The three types of liars and their characteristics (09:45) The signs and behaviors of a pathological liar (14:10) The reasons behind why someone becomes a liar (18:30) How to deal with liars and build a case against their falsehoods (23:55) The importance of support and setting realistic goals with liars (28:40) Knowing when to cut ties with a liar and how to heal from the experience (33:25) Rebuilding intuition and trust after being affected by a liar (38:00) Closing thoughts and an invitation for topic suggestions _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 19 Aug 2024 | Dismissive Avoidant | 00:18:00 | |
In this compelling episode of the Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the intricacies of dismissive avoidant attachment styles. Exploring how this challenging attachment style manifests in relationships, Brianne dissects the behaviors and underlying fears that drive dismissive avoidance. From the initial love-bombing phase to the eventual emotional withdrawal, she explains how dismissive avoidants prioritize independence and suppress their emotions, making it difficult for partners to connect on a deeper level. Brianne also contrasts dismissive avoidants with fearful avoidants, highlighting the distinct ways they handle intimacy and relationships. She provides valuable insights on recognizing the red flags of dismissive avoidance and offers advice for those entangled in such relationships. Tune in to understand the complexities of dismissive avoidant attachment and learn how to navigate these emotionally taxing dynamics. 🔑 Episode Keywords Dismissive Avoidant, Attachment Styles, Fear of Intimacy, Love Bombing, Emotional Withdrawal, Relationship Challenges, Avoidant Behavior, Emotional Suppression, Trauma Bonding, Codependency, Narcissism, Inner Child Work, Trauma Healing, Emotional Independence (00:00) One of the hardest ones to work with is dismissive avoidance (01:20) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets (01:52) Dismissive avoidance is one of the worst attachment styles to work with (03:11) A lot of people are having characteristics of dismissive avoidance when dating online (09:26) Two people I'm working with are dating dismissive avoidance (15:27) Excessive need for communication, assuming how they're feeling, jumping to conclusion _____ _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 07 Sep 2020 | Johnathon Schaech: Shame Free—Recovering Sex and Love Addict | 00:25:29 | |
For 25 years, Johnathon Schaech held a secret very close to him, he'd been sexually assaulted on his first film by the famed Italian director, Franco Zeffirelli. In 2018, at the peek of the MeToo Movement, Johnathon shared his story with the world. But going public, fighting for those who don't have a voice, plunged him further into darkness, anger, and shame. It wasn't until he discovered a program for sex and love addicts that he found recovery, peace, and the tools to live a shame-free life. ______ If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual violence, please call the RAINN sexual violence hotline 1-800-656-4673 Or if you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ Johnathon Schaech exploded onto the scene as one of Hollywood's most handsome leading men in Jocelyn Moorhouse's How to Make an American Quilt and Tom Hanks' directorial debut That Thing You Do! Since then, Johnathon has shown incredible versatility as an actor. Over the last twenty years, he's starred in over one-hundred and sixty Hollywood productions. Working opposite some of the most acclaimed and awarded actors, producers, writers and directors including Gwyneth Paltrow, Kenneth Branagh, Ed Harris, Idris Elba, Antonio Banderas, Bruce Willis, Tom Fontana, Gary Goetzman, Neil Moritz, Greg Araki, Cary Brokaw, Roy Lee, Jessica Lange and Bill Paxton. Schaech recently captivated television audiences as the eccentric movie-star in Showtime's hit series Ray Donovan (2014) and has portrayed comic-book legend Jonah Hex on the first three season's of DC's Legends. (2015-2018) Having aged into a ruggedly handsome man, he's fast becoming one of Hollywood's go-to stars for action roles. Starring in Renny Harlin's 5 Days of War (2014), Todd Robinson's Phantom (2015), Roland Joffe's Texas Rising (2016), Steven C. Miller's Marauders (2017) and soon takes the lead opposite Frank Grillo in the action-packed Reprisal (2018). Johnathon now uses his national voice for dyslexia, working with Harvard University accredited NoticeAbility.org; a nonprofit dedicated to helping students with the brain-based difference identify their unique strengths and build their self-esteem. Johnathon has a four-year-old son, Camden, newborn Lillian Josephine with his wife of seven years, internet influencer Julie Solomon. Johnathon’s latest movie Blue Ridge opposite Sarah Lancaster and Graham Greene is now exclusively available on Vudu (@vudofans) #Vudu! #BlueRidge - Imagicomm Entertainment Connect with Johnathon (@JohnSchaech): Instagram & Twitter ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE addiction, recovery, sex, and love addiction, molestation, career, acting, relationships and repairing damaged relationships. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 02 Jan 2023 | Carly: I Was Essentially Held Hostage By My Client For 2 Years | 00:35:43 | |
Carly was a love addict from a young age and held captive in a toxic relationship for two years. When she met her ex-husband at 27, she forced the relationship to work because he was the least toxic person she'd been with in a while. Unfortunately, it descended into a cycle of him grabbing at her and her pulling back, making him feel unloved and her feel disempowered. She stayed out of a sense of obligation, but when the pandemic hit and her ex-husband lost his job, he spiraled into depression. At this point, Carly was in a state of self-deprivation and vulnerable to flattery, attention, and compliments. This is when her client--who was married--started pursuing her despite her shutting down his advances multiple times. He persisted and eventually called her from a different number, love-bombing her and begging her to give him a chance. Unfortunately, this ended in an all-too-familiar scenario. The client sexually forced himself upon her, making it clear that it is possible to be taken advantage of even if you don't say no. This is why it is so important to recognize the difference between a sex addict and a sociopathic or narcissistic person, and to run if someone is threatening suicide over you, or abort the mission if someone cannot be alone. It is also possible to disappear to save yourself from an abusive situation. Host Brianne Davis dives deep into the often-ignored dark side of romantic relationships. Through interviews and personal accounts of her own experiences with love addiction, she offers insight and advice to listeners looking to heal from past hurts and break free from unhealthy relationships. Join Brianne every week as she shares stories of heartache, resilience and triumph as she works to help others find the strength to overcome their situation and build better relationships going forward. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ This month's sponsor - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) TRANSCRIPT [0:00:00] Carly: But it was just continual threats of, you know, I will tell my wife, she'll come after me. And she does have a history. She'll come after you, she'll come after your license. I will destroy your life. I will get your kids taken away from you here. I'm in the middle of a divorce, too, at the same time, so there's a lot of poll there. [0:00:30] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or those lighter or funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really, the how, what, when live at all. Today. [0:01:31] Brianne Davis: My guest is Carly. Now, Carly, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret? [0:01:39] Carly: Oh, my goodness. Yeah. My biggest life secret is how I ended up being literally held captive by a qualifier for about two years. And on the outside, I was like, this working professional and raising three kids and doing all that, but nobody would have known that on a day to day basis, I was like, being tracked and couldn't communicate with friends and was stuck at home in my personal life. Yeah. So it's a complicated story, but I thought it would be better to start with the end first so that we kind of know what we're building up to because there's obviously history there as to how one gets to that place. [0:02:22] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So take us back take us back to the beginning. How did you get involved with this person? [0:02:29] Carly: Yes, well, we'll actually go back a little bit further than that because it's important. I'll just truncate the earlier years of my life, let's just say that I became a love addict pretty early on. Didn't get a lot of affection and love from my caregivers, and so really learned early on in high school years, early 20s, like, relationships hit the hit just that spot for me and was involved in a lot of relationships just because I wanted the validation and the approval and the praise. So I just wanted to share that piece because this has been a long, ongoing pattern that I think really built up for this. [0:03:13] Brianne Davis: I have a question for you, though. I have a question before you get into that, because you said you would get with people for the attention and validation. Did you get with people that were toxic? Did you get with people you weren't really in love with? Did you get with people that just liked you, so you automatically liked them? What was that little dynamic? [0:03:35] Carly: Yeah, I think that's a great question. I would say all of the above. It kind of just depended on the mood I was in, what I needed. Sometimes I'll even say, like, how desperate I was. [0:03:45] Brianne Davis: Yes. [0:03:46] Carly: The very first relationship that I really noticed this love addiction over was a qualifier. He was definitely a narcissist, and so I got hooked into that. Unfortunately, he did rape me in the day rape scenario, and so I think that also there was this trauma bonding piece there. [0:04:12] Brianne Davis: So you dated him after he did that? [0:04:15] Carly: Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever had sex, and I had told him I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to wait until I was married. And he played along for a while, and then one night, he just forced me to do it. Like, literally held down. Wow. And so after that and it was so confusing because at this point, I was infatuated with this person, and I just couldn't see him for who he really was. And I was 18, and he was very popular, and he was kind of picturesque. We were both pretty well into our sports and went to college for that. So it's kind of this picturesque from the outside scenario. [0:04:56] Brianne Davis: But inside, he totally violated you. [0:04:59] Carly: Yes. [0:04:59] Brianne Davis: Didn't listen to you, you didn't have a voice, and that was your first person you ever slept with and how damaging that is. [0:05:08] Carly: Yeah, well, I just remember walking away feeling ruined, like, okay, I have to stay with this person. I have to make this work because I don't have anything to really offer. That's an important piece. That relationship went on and off for about three years. But I would say that we'd get into a lot of relationships, some that were toxic, some that were convenient, some with people I wasn't even interested in. [0:05:36] Brianne Davis: I've been there too. I was like, oh, you like me. I guess I like you, too, for. [0:05:42] Carly: The attention I liked that. The validation, the praise. I believed I needed that stuff. [0:05:50] Brianne Davis: Did you always feel, too, for you with the power dynamic? If someone liked you and you weren't really interested in them, at least you had that power position? [0:05:58] Carly: Yes. Because I could always play the card if I needed to. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay, cool. [0:06:04] Brianne Davis: Thank you for sharing that. I was just wondering. [0:06:06] Carly: Thank you. [0:06:07] Brianne Davis: But you were saying then at 26, you were about to stay at 26. [0:06:11] Carly: Yeah, 27. I had been dating on and off, and many of my friends were married at that time and were starting to have kids, and so I was feeling the pressure there to do that, and I hadn't really found anyone that I'd hand out. And so I met my ex husband at 27 and I pretty much forced it to work because he was like the least toxic person that I had been with in a while. And he needed some rescuing, which we all love to do. [0:06:48] Brianne Davis: You need some rescuing? I'm there. [0:06:50] Carly: That's right. You need me, I will be there. And so I kind of knew in my heart that my higher power was like, no, but I pushed it. I own the fact that I was not ready to be alone again. And so I kind of forced that situation. [0:07:10] Brianne Davis: What do you mean by forced that situation? Mean, in your mind, you forced it. [0:07:14] Carly: Yeah, exactly. He was way into me and was fine. He was pursuing me. I just had other insight in my heart that I was like, It's kind of a mess. Like, his family life was a mess. I mean, there was just a lot going on, but I was terrified of being alone again. I was like, no, this person is good enough. I remember saying that and thinking that this person is good enough. Because I think, I believe deep down in my heart that I might be alone, that I might not get married. And I think that has a lot to do with my feeling of value and self worth. Yeah. [0:07:52] Brianne Davis: Especially if everyone around you is doing it. [0:07:55] Carly: Yeah. And asking you, right, when are you going to settle down? Or whatever. So that's what I mean by force, that I didn't force him. I was forcing myself, in a sense, to just ignore my intuition. Yeah. I don't recommend that, but I would. [0:08:13] Brianne Davis: Not recommend that either. Tip number one, don't ignore your intuition. [0:08:20] Carly: Great. Write that down. So we got married and it's kind of, I would say predictable a bit, but I was the love avoidant in the marriage. He was the love addict in the marriage and he was very needy and I was constantly rescuing and saving. And there was a lot of struggles in the marriage. [0:08:45] Brianne Davis: Can you name some in case someone is in a marriage that is sounding similar? Like, what are some of the struggles you remember? [0:08:53] Carly: Neither one of us really had a healthy sense of ourselves. I was very successful and confident in my career and he didn't have that confidence, so he would over rely on me to sort of build him up or help him get some connections. There was just a really overreliance on me for his security. And then what's interesting, right, I have some meshmen from my childhood. And so his grabbing at me is what that felt like was very repulsive to me. I was like, oh, my gosh, I need you to be a man, get your career set up. Yeah, I need someone for me. I'm forging a brand new business and doing all this stuff. Yeah. And so we would just kind of go round and round in circles with that, and he just didn't have the tools. And I didn't either, honestly, to just say, this is who he is. This is who I am. I can't make somebody be somebody that they're not. Because in rescuing, I thought, okay, well, I'll just teach them these things and I'll help them, and that's not my job. I don't think that's anybody's job. [0:10:07] Brianne Davis: No, it's nobody's job. I mean, I've been with my husband for 18 years, and there's things that I don't struggle with that he struggles with, that I can't fix for him or even teach him. It's like he has to do it for himself without side help. You can't do that within the relationship. [0:10:25] Carly: Exactly. And I didn't have a family that sought different help. I just went in with that naivety of like, oh, well, I'll help him and change him, and exactly. It was so disempowering for him. Right. Because I'm the one who's sort of, like, helping him through everything. And I think it was really emasculating in some ways, not intentionally, but when somebody's constantly helping and rescuing you, that doesn't feel empowering, that you don't get. [0:11:00] Brianne Davis: To even build that inner self of self reliance. [0:11:04] Carly: Right. Yeah. So as you can imagine, the cycle went on. He would grab at me, I would pull back. He would get really angry that I was pulling back, and he would not feel loved and cared for, and then I would just grab some more. I'd pull back. It was just kind of this really long cycle. Eventually, towards the end of the marriage, we were together. We were married for 14 years. Towards the end of the marriage, we had both just sort of, I would say, become apathetic. Like, we're just living together. Exactly. He kind of got settled in his own career, which, I mean, that was good. So I think we just sort of came to status quo, if you will. We weren't intimate. [0:11:49] Carly: We weren't connecting. We had three kids well, sorry, two at the time, towards the end of the marriage. And so we were living. And it wasn't bad, but it was, like, very lonely, just like, okay. And throughout my marriage, I didn't want to get a divorce. That was something that I should throw in here. That's just some of my own personal things. And my parents pushed through their marriage. I'm not saying that that was necessarily the best thing, but I think I just had agreed to, like, okay, this is what it's going to be like in my marriage. We're just going to do the best. [0:12:28] Brianne Davis: Of it, and I'm just going to keep living. Not thriving, but almost surviving. Right? [0:12:34] Carly: Exactly. I think that there was just this part of me like this would have meant we just had become apathetic. Never once in my marriage did I ever look at another man, talk to another man inappropriately. I really didn't. And I had not been unfaithful to anybody before that in any of my relationships. And I'm not saying that was like self praise. It's not something I had really, I just didn't believe. [0:13:04] Brianne Davis: I don't know. I think that's great because lots of people do do that, even DM, or getting that attention somewhere else, or having a close friend. That's what I hear about, I'm like close friend, please, or emotional affair or even a physical affair. People do do those things instead of saying, hey, something's wrong in this marriage. But yes, I think it's great you didn't go that route. I've went that route. [0:13:28] Carly: I'm the cheater. [0:13:29] Brianne Davis: Totally. [0:13:30] Carly: So, I mean, it's interesting, right? The route that I went was just like sheer self deprivation. That's really what ended up happening, is like, okay, well, I'm going to settle for this, and it's just going to suck, and we're going to make this happen, and I just won't have what I need or what I want. I don't know. I just settled for that. And that's an old lifelong pattern as well. And my career to you by your. [0:13:54] Brianne Davis: Parents, it seemed it was mirrored almost. [0:13:57] Carly: Yeah, exactly. I was there for them. They weren't there for me growing up. I was there for them. So my career is important to mention at this point because I am in the mental health profession or the field, and I work with sex addiction, I work with sex addicts and with couples. And so it's interesting, right, because I had a lot of insight and a lot of knowledge about what does happen when you go outside of the marriage. Just all the stuff, right, with betrayal and trauma. And so anyways, had worked with many a male individually at that point, some quite truly narcissistic, truly controlling, manipulative. And I had actually learned how to advocate for myself and draw some really clear boundaries throughout those years with working with that population, and at that point had even just had to fire some clients depending on the situation of appropriateness and that sort of thing. [0:15:04] Brianne Davis: So first you learned in boundaries in your career before your relationship. [0:15:11] Carly: Which I understand that in a lot of ways, just because there are more clear boundaries in a profession, I believe, right, it's like, okay, no, we're not here to flirt. Like, I'm here too. We're here to work through what you're working through and hopefully get your marriage to work. Something like that. Anyway. But I bring all that up because when COVID hits, there was a few different things. My ex husband lost his in the airline industry, the airline industry went under, he lost his job, and he really spiraled into a pretty significant depression. Then he had an accident. He actually had a really bad accident and injured to his hand. It ended up amputating one of a finger in our backyard. So I say all this because during that same time so with COVID I'm starting to work full time. I am. He's unemployed. I am taking care of the kids as well. He's injured his hand. [0:16:16] Carly: He had to have three surgeries on the hand, so he cannot help at all with our children. And then the last straw was he was going to change careers again. And I was like, I'm drowning here. I can't support you through another career change. I'm growing the practice, doing all this stuff. I can't do that. To which he was very hurt and angry and whatever. And at that point, I just said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I need a separation. I can't do this anymore. [0:16:53] Brianne Davis: You were tapped out. You were tapped out. You were mentally, emotionally depleted. [0:16:59] Carly: I was, and I had given everything. And the last thing is that I had just given birth to our youngest a year before, or sorry, about six months before. I'm sorry about six months before. She would not take a bottle, so I'm having her transported back and forth up to my office while I'm working full time, breastfeeding, pumping, doing the whole it was just brutal. It was brutal. [0:17:27] Brianne Davis: Breastfeeding is brutal, brutal. [0:17:31] Carly: And it was kind of my third, so I was very familiar with but it was just the logistics of it were so hard. So anyways, I said, I want a separation. I want the separation. So essentially what had happened is about two weeks after we separated inside of our house at that time, because he didn't have a job, and I needed help with the kids wherever I could get some support, whatever. So we just did that. And a client who I had worked with for about a year and a half had started giving me probably the month before. Clients can read energy, by the way. I'm just going to share that because they just can. Right. You're in a room with another person that you talk to often. So this client had inquired, is everything okay? What's going on? We had worked together for about a year and a half. This client is married and had given off kind of this flirty vibe that I had shut down a few different times. Absolutely not. [0:18:31] Carly: Yeah, and that's not what we're here for. This client had inquired, hey, is everything okay? You seem a little off. And I just didn't give any details. I just said, yeah, I'm just going through a lot personally. There's been a lot going on, and that's about as many details as I usually give, honestly, just to sort of truncate this. They were very persistent and well, and I had sorry, I should say, I had told this client, I said, you know, I think our work is really coming to a close right now. I think at the very least, we should take a break, and we can pick it back up later if you guys are needing some more. I was working with him individually to theoretically sustain the marriage. [0:19:14] Brianne Davis: Yes. [0:19:15] Carly: To which he said, no, I don't want to break. He said, I enjoy coming here. This is kind of my outlet, if you will, and you're one of my best friends, which I said, no, I'm not. Oh, no. [0:19:26] Brianne Davis: Red flag. Red, black, red flag. [0:19:29] Carly: Exactly. I said, no, I'm not your best friend. I said, I'm flattered, in a sense, just to know that you feel a connection. I said, but that's not what this is. So he said, Well, I think I'll start spiraling backwards if we didn't meet. And I said, okay, we can do this for a couple more months, and then we can just go from there. Okay, mistake number one. [0:19:50] Brianne Davis: Mistake number one not trusting your instinct to know. [0:19:53] Carly: It was not trusting my instinct yet. And twice I had mentioned this, closing our work, and at this point, I had started to become internally, not externally, really, like what's the word? Just, I think, impressed. Right? That this person this is a person very successful, very well known in the community, was even, like, having those feelings or thoughts towards me. It was flattering. [0:20:22] Brianne Davis: Right? [0:20:22] Carly: And if you're flattering, your marriage is. [0:20:24] Brianne Davis: Dissolving, and you, oh, my gosh, there's this wound you have to heal, right? Any relationship that ends, there's a wound, so you hadn't healed. And then this guy that is probably attractive, really? That's flattering. I get it. [0:20:47] Carly: Anyways, we cut meetings, and he had mentioned a few sessions later, he was like, Sometimes I just think it'd be helpful if I could call you in between session and check in about a few things. And I was like, no, I'm not okay with that. I said, first of all, I think that would really be very difficult for your wife, that you're just calling up another female, even if it is a professional. I said, And I don't want any red flags raised with her coming after me. It's very sensitive in the field of betrayal. [0:21:15] Brianne Davis: Right. Well, you can get your license and stuff taken away. [0:21:19] Carly: Yeah, sure. And I'm another female, right, that the partners are talking to. So I never met with the wife or anything at all. That wasn't something she was interested in. But nonetheless, I just told him that, no, I'm not okay with that. So about two weeks later, this person calls me from another number sorry, text me from another number. And I think at that point, I was just, like, shocked and really flattered and intrigued, but also terrified I'm going to use all of those words altogether. And I texted back, oh, I didn't text back. No, I did not text back. I called because I didn't know who had access to what. [0:22:09] Brianne Davis: Yeah. [0:22:10] Carly: And I said, what are you doing, and Where is your wife? Like, what is going on? And he was like, Well, I know you don't just like me as a friend. And I said no. I said, I think the story is you don't like me just as a friend. So we got into this conversation, and he said he essentially just begged me. He was like, can you give this a chance? I want to make you the happiest woman in the world. I know how special you are. I think you're incredible. You're smart, you've got an amazing career in practice, blah, blah, blah, blah. All the flattery, all the love bombing. Just name it what it is. [0:22:46] Brianne Davis: First of all, tip number three, he didn't respect your boundaries and called you on a numbered number. Tip number four, he loved bombed you while he was married. There we go. There's all the tips so far. [0:22:56] Carly: There's all the tips. That's right. We're ready to move down. But here's the thing, right? It's like, at this point, I was in such self deprivation that this was all very hard for me to resist, even when I was, oh, it is absolutely. [0:23:13] Brianne Davis: That flattery, that high, that feeling wanted. Especially after being in a marriage that didn't wasn't healthy. You're like anything. You're, like thirsty for water. [0:23:27] Carly: Exactly. I love that you said that, because I have three close friends who all use the same analogy, like, thirsty people will drink dirty water. I was like, so true. So true. So essentially, he said, look, can you just think about this? And I was like, there's nothing to think about. I said, this is my license. This is my life. I said, I can't do this. And so at that point, he started spiraling. And so like, well, I'm going to kill myself then, because I can't not have you in my life. [0:24:02] Brianne Davis: Tip number five, if someone's going to kill themselves over you, run. [0:24:08] Carly: It's true. Although that was a huge trigger point for me, honestly. He was like, and everyone will know because you're my therapist. And so it was going to make it sort of like it was insinuated, right? But it was going to be this very public thing because of me. And this is somebody who has connections, I mean, with everybody. I didn't want to say later on in the story, I didn't call the local police. I called the city police because he's connected. So that being said is I panicked, and I was like and he was like, Just give it just give it 30 days. And I was like, fine. I will give it 30 days. [0:24:52] Brianne Davis: You said fine. [0:24:54] Carly: I did. [0:24:54] Brianne Davis: You were taken hostage already? [0:24:57] Carly: Yeah. What are you signing the lease for? [0:24:59] Brianne Davis: 30 days. [0:25:00] Carly: Well said. Thank you. [0:25:02] Brianne Davis: You know what I mean? [0:25:03] Carly: Yes. [0:25:04] Brianne Davis: The insanity of that, I was terrified at this point. [0:25:08] Carly: It was sheer terror. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I actually went home and told my husband, who I was separated from at the time. I was like, look, this person has started pursuing me. I'm just not a secrets holder. I'm just not. I was like, so I said, I don't know where this is going. I said, But I'm not going to be lying about these things. So anyways, let's just fast forward. Almost the same scenario happened with my first boyfriend where this person ended up sexually forcing himself on me as well. [0:25:53] Brianne Davis: Someone you dated took advantage of you? [0:25:56] Carly: Yeah, well, if you can call it a dating I would say it's sort of like Stockholm syndrome, but totally. [0:26:02] Brianne Davis: You got held hostage. Let's just say, like he was threatening suicide, your license was going to be taken away, he could have made up lies, all that stuff. And you were being held hostage and he took sexual advantage of you. [0:26:13] Carly: He did. And I again told him, I was like, I'm not even there yet. I don't even know you in that way. I'm not there. [0:26:22] Brianne Davis: And where did that happen? Can you even say where that happened? [0:26:26] Carly: Yeah, I had gone away for a weekend to the beach in this area and he asked if he could drive down because it was just me. And I said, yeah, let me think about it. And so I said, yeah, that's fine. So we met up actually, like in this public place anyways. And so we met up in a public place and we were just talking and it was chill. And then we ended up this was again, not what you want to do, but we ended up going back to my room. It was freezing and raining and so we ended up going back to my room and it was a big suite, so we're just sitting on the couch area. And I was really intentional about all of that too, honestly. And then I can't really remember parts of it. I disassociated pretty bad and I kept having some flashbacks. I had several flashbacks during that time. So he did. He forced himself on me. And I have such a hard time saying no, which is just sort of my trauma reactivity there. [0:27:38] Brianne Davis: Well, you freeze, probably. [0:27:40] Carly: I do. [0:27:40] Brianne Davis: Even if you don't say no and you freeze, you are being taken advantage of. Yes, you'd have to say no for it not but you actually don't. That's still sexual assault. I just want to make that clear for anybody listening. [0:27:56] Carly: No, I like that. I appreciate that. Yeah, I was physically shaking, physically shaking. And it was just full on compliance mode. And this person had already I mean, I didn't have a no with this person. So that happened and that was a real turning point to where, again, it triggered this like, I've got to make this work because I'm going to lose my entire life. He's going to destroy everything. Yeah, I saw this entire other side of this person. It's important to note this is sociopathic and narcissistic behavior. This isn't just somebody who is your typical sex addict. So I just want to clarify, there's a big difference, but of course not all these things are known until you're in these places reflecting, until you're showing their true self. But essentially this goes on, right? For a year and a half. Wow. [0:28:59] Brianne Davis: And I tried a long time. [0:29:02] Carly: I tried to leave numerous times, tried to leave numerous times, but I was, like, tracked, sometimes followed by different people. And it was just the whole thing. I did try to love him, to survive him. I did. There were attractive things about him and good things about him. [0:29:25] Brianne Davis: Was he still married? [0:29:27] Carly: Oh, yeah. [0:29:28] Brianne Davis: So you were even a secret in that? [0:29:30] Carly: Absolutely. I was completely secret. He refused. He could not leave the marriage until he knew that I was all in because he's terrified. And he was straightforward about this. I'm terrified of being alone. I cannot be alone. He's terrified of it. And he was like, you don't understand what happens to me when I'm alone. And of course, in my mind of being, yeah, I do know what happens to you. [0:29:51] Brianne Davis: Kid number six, if someone can't be alone, abort mission. [0:29:56] Carly: Right? There you go. So, yes, this whole time, and I kept telling him, I was like, she's going to find out. Everything in the dark, comes into the light. And let's be clear that this wife, rightfully so, had trackers on all of his vehicles. This is somebody with multiple trackers. Cell phone tracked his cell phone, had everything stained. He's calling me and connecting me with a secret phone this whole time. And he's living there, and they are separated in their house as well, and they have been for a long time, but he's living there because he can't leave her unless he knows everything's okay with me. Well, I'm not giving him any indication that I'm sticking around because I'm continuing to try to avoid this whole thing, but it was just continual threats of, I will tell my wife, she'll come after me. And she does have a history. She'll come after you, she'll come after your license. I will destroy your life. I will get your kids taken away from you here. I'm in the middle of a divorce, too, at the same time, so there's a lot of I know we're running. [0:31:00] Brianne Davis: Out of time, but how did you get out of it? I'm just like, on pins and needles. How did you happen to get out of it? [0:31:07] Carly: Well, what I did was I secretly planned to admit to trauma treatment. I knew I needed to go to treatment and get out. And despite the bullet, I already had a restraining order on him at this time, which he was complying with as long as I didn't leave him. But all threats were still at bay. He's like, I'll post pictures of you all over the internet. I'll do whatever. So I essentially had to make a secret plan with my best friend. She booked the tickets, and I did all the treatment planning, and I did it all in secret from a different device. And then one morning, actually, unfortunately, it was ironically. On his birthday. [0:31:55] Brianne Davis: Happy birthday. [0:31:57] Carly: I woke up and I left and I was gone for a couple of months. Wow. And there was a little bit of contact had after. When I came back, this was really different. It wasn't anything like that. And that was it. That was it, essentially. I don't really know what happened. I fully believe that God just rescued me from that situation. And he got distracted or something by somebody else. Once. I was just unattainable. I mean, I just was gone. [0:32:26] Brianne Davis: You just cut it all off. You just pretty much just disappeared to save yourself. [0:32:32] Carly: Yeah. [0:32:32] Brianne Davis: That's what I tell people. I work with this one client. I'm like, disappear. You can disappear. You can go, you can go. You can get out of this. You can get away from this abusive person. Wow. [0:32:46] Carly: If it's bad enough. [0:32:47] Brianne Davis: So if you're stuck, disappear, it's okay. [0:32:50] Carly: Yeah. [0:32:51] Brianne Davis: Because a lot of people think that's weak, just so you know. And I don't think it's weak. [0:32:55] Carly: Well, I'm back in the same area. My practice is what it is. I didn't even get to get to this part. But she did find out about the phone and about me and so my license no, the board was very supportive, actually, because I just told them the whole truth. And I had evidence and all this, you know, text. And I had I told them the whole truth of the situation to which they were very gracious of an understanding of because, honestly, I should have had my license revoked. That's just the reality of the situation. But I did not. I don't have any restrictions on my license. And I see that as just the grace of God. [0:33:32] Brianne Davis: And also your authenticity of the truth. Do you see what I'm saying? There's accountability and saying, yes, these are the things that happen. Here's how it happened. Did I have a part in it? Yes. [0:33:44] Carly: And I told them all of that. I did. [0:33:47] Brianne Davis: I think that is the saving grace of you, I just have to say, because there's this part of you that's really authentic in the real and the raw and the struggle with yourself and with others. [0:34:00] Carly: Yeah, thank you for that. I appreciate that. I do believe that the truth sets us free. I do. [0:34:06] Brianne Davis: It does. Oh my God. We're running out of town and we could literally talk forever, but is there anything else that the listeners you think need to hear or something that you really learned from this experience? I know we only have a couple of minutes left. [0:34:19] Carly: Yeah, it's okay. I just hope that some people can maybe connect with some of the details. It's a crazy story. So not all the details, but bits and pieces right. That you can connect with. I still work program. I am in a twelve step recovery program for sex and love addiction. And I work program and I've learned so much through this, just about even what I want in my own relationships. Personally and professionally, yes, but more so personally. And that everything has a silver lining. All tragedies. I've grown so much from this and I have such a just heart in general for people going through this. But you don't have to stay in that. You do not have to stay in that. No matter what. [0:35:03] Brianne Davis: No matter what. Thank you so much for coming on Secret Life. I'm so grateful for your story. [0:35:09] Carly: Yeah, thank you for having me. [0:35:10] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 14 Jun 2021 | Amy Shaffer: Married with 3 boys and Bisexual | 00:31:44 | |
The lie that nearly destroyed Amy wasn’t that she was married and in love with a woman; it was when her heart was broken by the woman—Amy was in a downward spiral and couldn’t ask for help. How do we live an authentic life when the dark thoughts feel so real? In the episode, Amy shares her secrets and the healing road towards self-love and being her true authentic self. We're so proud of her! You are not alone. Ask for help. Find someone that you can talk to and share. We all have things we’re ashamed of, thoughts we wish we didn’t have, but one thing the Secret Life team can say for sure, someone else has gone through it before. PLEASE — if you or someone you know needs help, reach out, share your fears, find some like-minded people who have found a way out. You deserve it. _____ To reach out to Amy Shaffer: Amy's Blog | Instagram @mommycakes81 | Twitter @KatyElizabeth81 ______ JUNE IS LGBT PRIDE MONTH - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) is celebrated annually in June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots, and works to achieve equal justice and equal opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) Americans. In June of 1969, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City staged an uprising to resist the police harassment and persecution to which LGBT Americans were commonly subjected. This uprising marks the beginning of a movement to outlaw discriminatory laws and practices against LGBT Americans. Today, celebrations include pride parades, picnics, parties, workshops, symposia and concerts, and LGBT Pride Month events attract millions of participants around the world. Memorials are held during this month for those members of the community who have been lost to hate crimes or HIV/AIDS. The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that LGBTQ individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. Federal and local policies and practices are increasingly acknowledging and focusing on LGBTQ youth and numerous national advocacy and other organizations are also giving greater attention to LGBTQ youth in their work. Encouraging greater acceptance and support for all youth, including those who are or are perceived to be LGBTQ, will make communities, schools, and other settings safer, better places for all youth. RESOURCES: If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 09 Aug 2021 | Brianne & Mark: Year One Wrap Up | 00:31:46 | |
One incredible year and sixty-four episodes later, Brianne Davis and Mark Gantt discuss some of the takeaways they've had—the breakthroughs, the breakdowns, and the gratitude for this incredible journey. TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE gratitude, attitude, self-care, body image, podcasts, self-love, addiction, recovery, sex & love addiction, taboo subjects, courage, freedom, and happiness. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 01 Jun 2023 | Best Of — Robert: Coming Out in Hollywood | 00:27:16 | |
In celebration of the First Day of LGBTQ+ Pride Month, we’re re-releasing one of our Best Of episodes today. Robert Gonzalez Gant share's about coming out as a proud gay man in Hollywood and the shift that is possible for those who struggled with acceptance. Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 2, 2020, as Ep #3. _____ About Robert Gant - Like you, I started out with big goals and dreams for my life but little idea how to realize them. Gradually, I began to do that when I hit a crisis point. These external accomplishments weren’t addressing the low self-image from childhood that lingered internally. I remember the day many years ago when, on the steps of a beautiful home I shared with a partner, I contemplated suicide. That moment set me on a decades-long path of self-improvement, success, and spiritual awakening. It fueled my desire to help others change their own lives. Along the way, I’ve stumbled, as we all do, and have learned and grown from each experience. I’m grateful, on the other side of them, to have manifested some of my greatest life visions. My process of waking up has included accumulating several decades of knowledge in the areas of love, romance, money, and relationships, among others. My intensive overall spiritual journey has informed my perspective about the true nature of life and how to relate to what we deal with as humans. This journey has given me some of the foundation for the work we'll do together to help you live your best life. I’m also a certified Trainer and Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), TIME Techniques™, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and Life and Success Coaching — all of which have impacted the way I relate to my coaching work and to the role of the subconscious mind on our life experience. Helping others wake up to the true nature of life and then clarify their goals and dreams and turn them into reality is one of my great passions. It’s from this place of awakened doing that an amazing life emerges. Let’s discover yours. CHECK OUT MORE: https://robertgant.com Twitter | Instagram | Facebook _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 27 May 2024 | The Cocoon Stage: A Journey Through Solitude | 00:18:07 | |
In this transformative episode of the Secret Life Podcast, join host Brianne Davis-Gantt as she guides us through the seldom-discussed but crucial "cocoon stage" of healing. She describes it as a period of introspection and solitude following a significant life event, such as a loss or a personal revelation, where one must be gentle with themselves during the transformation from who they were into who they are becoming. Brianne shares her personal experience, emphasizing the importance of embracing this phase without rushing, despite its challenges. She candidly discusses the feelings of confusion, questioning, and the necessity of grieving one's former self. The cocoon stage is a time to rest, reflect, and engage in activities that bring joy, as we prepare for the emergence of a new, stronger self. Listeners will learn the value of solitude, the art of feeling emotions without judgment, and the importance of allowing the nervous system to adapt to a state of peace. Brianne's message is one of hope and encouragement: though this stage can be daunting, it's an opportunity to reconnect with fun, accept the present, and cultivate a deeper connection with oneself and others. For anyone feeling lost in the mush and gush of their own cocoon stage, this episode is a beacon of light, guiding you towards the beautiful transformation that lies ahead. It's not just a podcast episode; it's a companion for those seeking to emerge as the butterflies they are meant to be. #SecretLifePodcast #Healing #CocoonStage #Transformation #PersonalGrowth #SelfReflection #Solitude #EmotionalHealing #Wellness #Recovery #Joy #InnerPeace #AuthenticSelf 🔑 Episode Keywords Cocoon Stage, Healing Process, Personal Transformation, Emotional Growth, Solitude, Self-Care, Joyful Activities, Rest and Recovery, Grieving the Past, Embracing Change, Nervous System Healing, Self-Discovery, Authenticity, Vulnerability, Connection (00:00) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate (01:07) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt (01:43) Today we are talking about the cocoon stage of healing (08:06) Stay there by yourself. Go in more, isolate more at that time, really be with self (12:19) Start feeling your emotions. Feelings are in the head. Start in the body. Let your body rest (16:51) Have acceptance. See what yourself needs. Have conversations with yourself. You are in this state to heal, and it is not forever _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 11 Dec 2023 | Best Of: Diane - I'm Married and Have Had Emotional Affairs | 00:26:02 | |
Is it really cheating? If you haven't actually done anything? But it's clear, that it can be very dangerous to get involved in.An emotional affair generally starts innocently enough as a friendship. But when a person invests significant emotional energy and time in a close friendship outside of their marriage, it's possible for the friendship to form an emotional bond that ultimately threatens and hurts the person's intimacy with their spouse or partner. While there are those who believe that an emotional affair is harmless given that there is no sexual relationship, most marriage and relationship experts view it as a form of cheating. Emotional affairs can also act as gateway affairs, eventually leading to both emotional and sexual infidelity. For many, the most hurtful and painful consequence of a partner's emotional cheating is the sense of being deceived, betrayed, and lied to. Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired as EP #119. Sept of 2022. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle_____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 12 Apr 2021 | Cheryl Burke: Groomed for Addiction—Abuse, Sex & Love | 00:33:05 | |
Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke has been very open about her abuse as a young girl and recently about her recovery from alcohol, but it wasn't until she had Brianne on her own podcast did she realize that she too struggled with sex and love addiction. _______ For more information on what you can do: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com MORE ABOUT CHERYL BURKE: In 2015, Cheryl starred alongside Joe Jonas, Ciara, and Marlon Wayans in NBC’s I Can Do That, a variety show that challenged celebrities to live outside their comfort zones. 2016 marked Burke’s return to Dancing with the Stars for her 19th season on the show, pairing her with infamous Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte. In the fall of 2017, Burke partnered with NFL Hall of Famer Terrell Owens for her 20th season on the Emmy nominated program. Most recently, she partnered Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, with whom she hosts the Pretty Messed Up Podcast for iHeartRadio. Connect with Cheryl on (@CherylBurke) Instagram ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or at Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 24 Jun 2024 | Emotional Incest | 00:21:01 | |
In this riveting episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the unsettling and often misunderstood topic of emotional incest. She breaks down the concept, distinguishing it from physical incest and enmeshment, and explains how it manifests in parent-child relationships. Brianne passionately discusses how emotional incest occurs when a child's energy is inappropriately directed to fulfill the emotional needs of a parent, rather than the other way around. Brianne shares her personal experiences and professional insights, highlighting the long-term consequences of emotional incest, including developmental, emotional, and relational issues. She provides clear signs that indicate emotional incest, such as a parent relying on a child for support, invading the child's privacy, and treating the child like a partner. This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with the effects of emotional incest or seeking to understand this complex issue. Brianne offers practical advice on how to set boundaries and reclaim one's sense of self. Tune in to learn how to break the cycle of generational trauma and foster healthier relationships. #SecretLifePodcast #EmotionalIncest #TraumaRecovery #Boundaries #MentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #HealthyRelationships #SelfHealing 🔑 Episode Keywords Emotional Incest, Trauma Recovery, Boundaries, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Healthy Relationships, Self-Healing, Codependency, Generational Trauma, Emotional Wellness (00:00) Emotional incest is much different. It's when the child's energy is literally filtered to the adult (00:28) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine (01:10) After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate (01:50) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt (02:24) Today we are talking about, dun dun dun, emotional incest (03:00) Emotional incest can be called covert incest, but it always gives people that ick (04:02) Enmeshment vs. emotional incest (06:30) Signs of emotional incest: relying on a child for support (09:00) Personal story: My experience with emotional incest (12:45) Effects of emotional incest: developmental issues, emotional and sexual stunting (15:20) How to set boundaries and reclaim your sense of self (21:30) Long-term consequences if emotional incest is not addressed (24:10) Practical steps to stop the cycle of emotional incest (27:00) Final thoughts and encouragement for listeners _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 08 May 2023 | Best Of - Jana Kramer: Compare & Despair | 00:30:22 | |
It doesn't matter how successful you are, how much money you make, or what you look like, Compare and Despair can and will bring you down. Jana and Brianne talk about how Compare and Despair thinking is pervasive and dangerous. It can contribute to anxiety, depression, shame, and envy, leading to self-criticism and a lack of self-worth. It rapidly undermines any confidence. ________ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon
Our Guest: JANA KRAMER Jana Kramer is a country music singer and actress who has starred on One Tree Hill, Friday Night Lights, and the 2012 season of Dancing with the Stars. Kramer began her musical career in 2012 and has released two albums: Jana Kramer and Thirty On To connect with Jana Kramer: Website: https://janakramer.com The Good Fight Book: https://janaandmike.com Whine Down Podcast: https://janakramer.com/podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kramergirl/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janakramermusic Twitter: https://twitter.com/kramergirl ______ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 19 Jul 2021 | Jason Wahler: Secret Relapse, Guilt & Shame | 00:24:51 | |
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Confucius. Recovery from addiction is incredibly challenging. Taking away or stopping the drink, drug, food, person, cigarette, gambling, or sex doesn't make our problems go away. Instead, it shines the light on all those feelings we were trying to disconnect and numb ourselves from. In this episode, Jason Wahler shares his journey, the mishaps, and the miracles. _____ f you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. _____ Jason Wahler is a Host, Actor, TV personality, and philanthropist who appeared on hit shows like MTV’S Laguna Beach, The Hills, and Celebrity Rap Superstar. After years of publicly battling with addiction, he appeared on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Since getting sober, Jason has dedicated his life to raising awareness towards addiction and hopes to one day change the public’s negative perception on this deadly disease. Through his hard work and dedication, the E! Network produced a “True Hollywood Story” featuring Jason’s remarkable transformation. Moreover, In 2017, he received the esteemed Faces & Voice’s “Voice of Recovery Award” in Washington, D.C. Today Jason’s goal is to be a part of setting a standard in the Treatment Industry. His direct involvement with the recovery community has changed his life and allows him to be a resource for thousands of individuals who need help but don’t know where to turn. Steadfast, Jason works closely with media outlets, celebrities, young adults, schools, law enforcement, churches and athletes to promote addiction education and prevention through sharing his own experiences and stories of hope. He leverages his personal story along with his seat in the public eye to inspire his fellows struggling with addiction. Jason’s exposure within the recovery community nationwide has been primed by partnering with key advocates including renowned MD, Dr. Daniel Headrick, a distinguished fellow of the American Society of Addiction Medicine; “Dr. Drew” Pinskey; and, Tim Storey, acclaimed author, speaker and life coach. Jason also serves on the boards of the Los Angeles Mission and the Brent Shapiro Foundation. Connect with Jason: Youtube | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram https://www.jasonwahler.com _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 04 Jul 2022 | Samantha: I Don't Regret Cheating On My Partner | 00:27:26 | |
The first three years of Samantha's relationship with her boyfriend were great; they had sex all the time, and they were in love, it was a great relationship. But the last three years became stagnant and they were becoming just roommates. Top that all off with her dissatisfaction with her life, a bout of depression, and a trip to Las Vegas, anything was possible. _______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy it on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 23 Aug 2021 | Devyn & Jess: Getting Sober & Staying Together | 00:45:19 | |
Getting sober and maintaining sobriety while in a relationship can be a challenge. Both people getting sober, maintaining that sobriety, AND staying in the relationship are sadly not very common. Devyn and Jess share how they’ve grown together. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. _____ For more info on how to support Hope & Rescue and Recovery: Website:hoperescueandrecovery.org ______ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 25 Oct 2021 | Adam Rose: Secret Fear of Death | 00:22:24 | |
You’d never know that actor and TikTok star Adam Rose would be scared of dying. But ever since he can remember, he’s always had a hard time falling asleep at night without thinking of the endless ways he could die. This episode is another can’t-miss episode as Adam share’s some genuinely hilarious stories. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. Find out more about Adam: TikTok/Instagram: @realadamrose Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/AdamRoseOfficial IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0741219 ______ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 27 Nov 2020 | Gratitude: The Key To Everything | 00:30:50 | |
On the heels of the Secret Life podcast releasing its 27th episode and the 4-month mark, host Brianne Davis and husband/producer Mark Gantt express their deepest gratitude and reflect on their positive personal experiences they've had so far. Humbled by all the love and support, they also share feedback, messages, revelations, and inspiration from the hundreds of notes and reviews they've received. A celebration and thank you to the listeners that the show was created for in the first place. TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE gratitude, attitude, self-care, self-love, addiction, recovery, sex & love addiction, taboo subjects, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark: Social Media (@markgantt) : Instagram | Facebook | Twitter Websites: markganttdirector.com | markgantt.com Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 06 Dec 2021 | Jason LaChance: The Secrets & Lies We Tell Ourselves | 00:33:02 | |
How willing are we to change? And even when we become willing, is it possible to uncover those deep wounds that we've suppressed for sometimes an entire lifetime? Jason bravely shares some of the discoveries he's had regarding his first drink, sex and love addiction, and the challenges of becoming your authentic self. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ Jason LaChance: "With a family history of addiction, the patterns were set early that I too would fall prey to addiction. I have a 20-year background in radio broadcasting, which was an amazing passion allowing me to speak with an audience based on a common bond in loving music. But there was something missing, after going through a divorce, and becoming a single father I started my journey of confronting that I was an alcoholic. As I began to embrace my addiction and speak with others openly about it, I realized I needed a change to have a more purposeful life helping others. The purposeful challenge and opportunity that I was looking for came when I bumped into Carlos Vieira in the grocery store. Along with the release of his autobiography 'Knockin' Doorz Down' he presented me with the opportunity to speak with others that are not only afflicted by addiction but other areas of great adversity and how they overcome their situation to live a more purposeful life. It is an honor to speak with people in a vulnerable and loving environment with the goal of helping others on the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast knowing that they're not alone in whatever they're going through and have been through. I take great pride in being a part of affirming that anyone can keep growing daily, make positive changes and keep Knockin' Doorz Down." https://www.kddmediacompany.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knockindoorzdown/ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 19 Sep 2022 | Diane: I'm Married and Have Had Emotional Affairs | 00:26:03 | |
Is it really cheating? If you haven't actually done anything? But it's clear, that it can be very dangerous to get involved in.An emotional affair generally starts innocently enough as a friendship. But when a person invests significant emotional energy and time in a close friendship outside of their marriage, it's possible for the friendship to form an emotional bond that ultimately threatens and hurts the person's intimacy with their spouse or partner. While there are those who believe that an emotional affair is harmless given that there is no sexual relationship, most marriage and relationship experts view it as a form of cheating. Emotional affairs can also act as gateway affairs, eventually leading to both emotional and sexual infidelity. For many, the most hurtful and painful consequence of a partner's emotional cheating is the sense of being deceived, betrayed, and lied to. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle_____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 31 Jan 2022 | Will Marshall: I Was a Compulsive Man Whore | 00:33:36 | |
Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of graphic sex, molestation, and sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised. Over-sexualized at a young age, Will was exposed to sexual content from his sister and had a grandmother that was sexually inappropriate with him in kindergarten. All of this, combined with parents and a community rooted in Christian beliefs and a solid church-going community, Will spiraled deeper and deeper into the depths of guilt and shame. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Will Marshall is host of the “Countdown to Relapse” podcast. You can reach him at countdowntorelapse@gmail.com | Instagram ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 14 Nov 2022 | Mandy: I Do Not Like Children and I'm a Mom | 00:25:38 | |
Even though she always fantasized about childbirth and having a child, she's never been a fan of children, even though she now has one. Being a mom is a thankless job, but what if everything a child does triggers you? _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 04 Apr 2022 | Chris: I’m Ashamed of Being Asian & Can’t Break Up With My Tiger Mom | 00:28:00 | |
Chris was born in China but grew up in the states in a primarily white community and was encouraged to be American and leave his Chinese culture behind. The only real exception was his Tiger Mom’s continuous control over him and his future. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, Tiger Moms, #notyourtokenasian and happiness. ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 05 Aug 2024 | Trauma Bonding | 00:21:23 | |
In this episode of the Secret Life podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex world of trauma bonding. Learn about the seven stages of trauma bonding, from the intoxicating love-bombing phase to the difficult acceptance stage. Brianne provides insights on how to identify and navigate these emotionally draining relationships, and contrasts them with authentic, healthy bonds. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of how trauma bonds form and how to protect yourself from them. 🔑 Episode Keywords -- Trauma Bonding, Love Bombing, Emotional Abuse, Dismissive Avoidance, False Intimacy, Toxic Relationships, Gaslighting, Relationship Stages, Emotional Dependency, Rollercoaster Relationships, Isolation In Relationships, Acceptance In Relationships, Authentic Bonds, Healthy Relationships, Boundary Setting, Trauma Recovery, Emotional Healing, Self-Awareness, Relationship Advice Chapters: (00:00) They are avoidance. So what they do is they try to attach very quickly, live out of fantasy (00:34) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine (01:15) Welcome to Secret Life podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt (01:52) Today we are talking about trauma bonding. And people are doing it left and right (04:25) We are going to talk about the stages of trauma bonding (10:31) You're on the roller coaster of an addictive attachment to this person (14:39) Let's talk about what an authentic bond is and what a trauma bond is (19:52) If you're feeling trauma bond, it usually ends quickly _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 01 Jul 2024 | The Power of the Pause | 00:14:48 | |
In this episode of Secret Life podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the transformative power of "The Pause." Learn how taking a moment to pause before reacting can enhance self-awareness, improve communication, and foster better relationships. Brianne shares personal anecdotes and practical tips on how to integrate pausing into daily life to break the cycle of impulsiveness and create a more mindful existence. Tune in for an insightful discussion that promises to change the way you interact with yourself and others. 🔑 Episode Keywords -- Pause, Self-Awareness, Communication, Impulsiveness, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, Relationships, Mental Health, Self-Reflection, Emotional Intelligence, Stress Management, Adhd, Self-Worth, Ego, Introspection, Better Listener, Improved Communication, Self-Control #Podcast #Mindfulness #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth Chapters: (00:00) Pause helps me group and decide how to handle situations (00:33) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets (01:49) The power of the pause is the ability to break the cycle of constant motion (02:48) The pause helps us and others go inward before speaking today (09:38) Anything impulsive should have the pause before it always _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 02 Aug 2020 | Brianne Davis: I'm a Recovering Sex and Love Addict | 00:19:09 | |
I had this dark hole I was trying to fill with outside things. I couldn't stop even when I desperately wanted to. When I walked into my first meeting almost ten years ago, I was a shell of a person. As I listened to people share about this thing called sex and love addiction, tears started to form in my eyes when I said I was a newcomer. I was crying not out of sadness but an overwhelming feeling of hope. Every day I see people at the lowest of lows. They are clawing their way out from under this disease, and I see them courageously confront their demons, push past their fears, and transform right in front of my eyes. Sometimes, with a healthy dose of humor and irony. I'm grateful for my recovery and the opportunity to be of service. There's a good chance that you know someone who may be struggling with this disease RIGHT NOW. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Podcast Website. _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Want to be a guest?To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ Want to start your own podcast?Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Want to check out Brianne's book?Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy it on Amazon ______ How can you support the show?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 14 Dec 2020 | Jen Levin: Living With Binge Eating Disorder (BED) | 00:27:16 | |
If you have binge eating disorder, please know that you’re not alone. Binge eating disorder (BED) is actually the most common eating disorder. It affects about 3.5 percent of women and 2 percent of men. According to the National Eating Disorders, BED is a severe, life-threatening, and treatable eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food, often very quickly and to the point of discomfort. Some symptoms are feeling a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress, or guilt afterwards; and regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures to counter the binge-eating. Please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) helpline at 800-931-2237 if you believe you or someone you love are struggling with an eating disorder and need help. For crisis situations, text "NEDA" to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at Crisis Text Line. _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE eating disorders, binging, binge eating disorder, therapy, acting, addiction, recovery, actress life, auditioning, career, past beliefs, negative self-talk, secrets, behaviors, gratitude, attitude, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom and happiness. _____ Jen Levin is an actress/blogger with Southern charm and Jersey moxie living in LA Blog: http://findingmyinnerbombshell.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/thejenlevin/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/thejenlevin/ _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 07 Dec 2020 | Briana Lane: Acting As If—Hollywood Secrets | 00:27:26 | |
Acting can be a devastatingly competitive business, and actors can find themselves saying and doing things they never thought they would. In one of our lighter episodes, Brianne and Briana divulge hilarious secrets about their early careers and the shift needed to be your authentic self. Actress and musician Briana Lane is best known for her recurring roles on NBC's The New Normal, Freeform's Young & Hungry and her portrayal of Brook Lynn Quartermaine on ABC's General Hospital. To connect Briana: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE Hollywood, acting, actress life, auditioning, career, past beliefs, negative self-talk, secrets, behaviors, gratitude, attitude, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom and happiness. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 05 Dec 2022 | Madison & Lindsey: We’re Friends That Go To Sex Parties Together | 00:29:14 | |
Co-hosts of the popular Clit Talk and founders of Pleasure Positive Living, Madison, and Lindsey, share their sex-positive story about the world of sex parties, polyamory, non-monogamy, and intimacy. _____ Madison & Lindsey Get more info: https://www.pleasurepositiveliving.com | https://clittalkshow.com/instagram Get a free guide: https://clittalkshow.com/guide _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ SPONSOR - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Oct 2024 | Addiction is Not Just a Trauma Response | 00:14:35 | |
In this eye-opening episode of the secretlifepodcast@icloud.com Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the pervasive myths surrounding addiction, dissecting the belief that trauma alone is the root cause. Brianne passionately argues that addiction is a genetic disorder, a disease embedded within our DNA, passed down through generations. With raw honesty, she shares her journey through sex and love addiction recovery, emphasizing that while trauma can exacerbate addiction, it is not the sole cause. She highlights the importance of a comprehensive treatment plan, likening it to managing a chronic illness such as diabetes or cancer. Brianne provides a compelling narrative on how addiction manifests in various forms, from substance abuse to behavioral dependencies like workaholism and codependency. She stresses the necessity of continuous treatment and support, debunking the notion of a quick fix. Listeners are urged to be cautious of misinformation, especially from those who may not have done the personal work themselves. Brianne's candid discussion is a call to action for anyone struggling with addiction, encouraging them to embrace a lifelong commitment to healing and transformation. Tune in to gain valuable insights into the complexities of addiction and learn how to navigate the path to recovery with resilience and awareness. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the true nature of addiction and the steps required to manage it effectively. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 11 Jan 2021 | I Hate Being Married Sometimes | 00:29:43 | |
Even the happiest, healthiest marriages require a certain amount of work to stay that way, but it is also common to want out. Some research has even said that not arguing is a bigger red flag than fighting. Arguing in a respectful, productive way can be a positive sign because it means both spouses still care. What lies underneath that argument can vary from person to person. From resentments, depression, fear of abandonment and stress. How do you stay in a marriage when you want to run? When your negative voices are stronger than the outside reality? In this week’s episode, Brianne and Sam unpack the very common but rarely talked about—fear of intimacy. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE change, fear, transformation, career, entrepreneur, family, choices, action and love. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 15 Feb 2021 | Jana Kramer: Compare and Despair | 00:30:22 | |
It doesn't matter how successful you are, how much money you make, or what you look like, Compare and Despair can and will bring you down. Jana and Brianne talk about how Compare and Despair thinking is pervasive and dangerous. It can contribute to anxiety, depression, shame, and envy, leading to self-criticism and a lack of self-worth. It rapidly undermines any confidence. ________ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. _____
JANA KRAMER Jana Kramer is a country music singer and actress who has starred on One Tree Hill, Friday Night Lights, and the 2012 season of Dancing with the Stars. Kramer began her musical career in 2012 and has released two albums: Jana Kramer and Thirty On To connect with Jana Kramer: Website: https://janakramer.com HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 02 Oct 2023 | Jaime: I Was Married to a Meth Addict | 00:16:29 | |
Jamie was living with her meth-addicted husband for over two years while pregnant with their second child. Though she knew something was wrong, he repeatedly lied and made her feel crazy. She suffered in silence to protect him until she found his "sex den" and crack pipes, confirming her worst fears. In a last-ditch effort, she staged an intervention with his family. After dropping him at rehab, she felt free for the first time in years. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) TRANSCRIPT: Jaime: Like, I found a crackpipe. And then he would give me, like, one. Yes, but then he said he would stop, and then I would drug test him. And I didn't realize there was something called synthetic urine. I mean, this is all stuff I had to figure out by myself. Brianne: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Brianne: Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Breanne Davis Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with, or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing, really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. And today, my guest is Jamie. Jamie was living with a meth addict, and he hid it from herBrianne: Now, Jamie, I have a question for you. What is your secret? Jaime: My secret is that I was living with a meth addict, and he was my husband. And, he hid it from me from a very long time, and I, had to become a sleuth and figure it out and then escape it. Brianne: Wow. Okay. So many questions. Okay. Before you knew his problem and his addiction, were you even lying to yourself that something was going on? Did you have any inkling? Jaime: I partied a lot when I was younger, so I'm not a saint. Brianne: None of us are, girl. Don't even worry about that. Jaime: So I was more upset that we didn't have trust and faith in each other, that he could at least be honest with me. So I knew something was up right away, and I kept approaching him and asking him and telling him that I was a safe space and he needed to at least tell me the truth and then we could help each other. And he just kept lying to me. And so he made me feel like I was crazy and that I didn't know what I was talking about. And I was wrong, and how dare I? And so it really tests a woman's intuition, which is amazing, and we're right, and we just don't listen to ourselves. Brianne: you are already stating what I've been saying. A woman knows, like, you know when something's not right, and then sometimes the other person, a man or a woman, makes you feel like you're crazy, right. Jaime: Because they don't want to get caught. Brianne: Yeah. Jaime: For his sake. It's a sickness. I mean, doing meth is not a small thing, but I was desperately trying to help. But then the more you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, and the more it goes down a rabbit hole. And then meth leads to sex addiction, which he had, and a porn addiction, which he had. And then I was pregnant with my second child and had a three year old as well. So on top of this feeling crazy, destroying this absolutely amazing moment that I was supposed to be living in, it turned into a hell for me. Brianne: Yeah. And especially being pregnant, knowing all those hormones, taking care of a toddler, and trying to keep your marriage together, and you're trying to just hold it together. Your husband used synthetic urine to pass drug tests while pregnantBrianne: Now here's my question for you. How long was it going on? How long were you questioning him? Jaime: I was questioning him from the moment I was pregnant until, our second child was, about a year and a half because I just couldn't like, I found a crackpipe, and then he would give me, like, one. Yes, but then he said he would stop, and then I would drug test him. And I didn't realize there was something called synthetic urine. I mean, this is all stuff I had to figure out by myself. Brianne: Wait, okay, I don't know what synthetic urine is. Can you explain to the listeners and me what that is? Jaime: So synthetic urine is something you can use to pass a drug test that you can buy, apparently, at ah, like headshots. That's what I've been told. And you use it to have clean urine. And he hid his in his pants, warmed it up in his pants, and would use it to take a drug test right in front of me. Brianne: Like put a hole in it, and then it squirted. Jaime: It's like a squirt bottle. Brianne: Yeah. Jaime: So imagine visine or something. Or something like that. So, yeah, it was pretty like the levels of deception where he was trying to make me feel crazy was insane. So that was really hard for me. Brianne: So when you finally figured it out and he said, yes, that is my crackpipe, and he was going to stop, did you then keep the secret longer from other people around you? Did anybody know what was going on? So this you kept to yourself. Jaime: I suffered in silence for about a year and a half, and then I finally opened up to his parents because I was desperately trying to save his life, because once his parents found out, we were going to lose everything because they are his lifeline. And I just desperately didn't want my friends to know, so I didn't have to tell them later. Oh, yeah, my husband's a meth addict, and so I just punished myself, basically. Brianne: So you kept this secret and you were trying to save somebody, which I know and other people probably listening know you cannot save anyone if they don't want to be saved. So it's almost an impossible task. You're putting on yourself? Jaime: It was. And looking back, it only hurt everybody because my kids were getting half of me. I was a shell. And the first time I saw it, I just should have left. And then he would have had to figure it out himself. You're looking actively at one specific woman, for him at leastBrianne: So what was your darkest moment, holding this secret? Do you remember a specific moment where you looked for me? I'll just say like one of my darkest moment. I remember I floated out of my body and was kind of like watching what was going on. Did you have any moment like that? Jaime: I had two. I had one in the thick of it where I found him in the back in the garage with like a porn sex den. And he had gone missing in the middle of the night and I couldn't find him. And finally I found him and then I looked on his phone and it was just like, find your next door fuck and all these crazy porn sites. And then the second moment and that moment felt so surreal because I was pregnant. Brianne: And I think porn is the worst thing in the world right now. I think it's killing our world. I think it's killing intimacy between two people. So that alone, if that was just his addiction, that's pretty bad. Jaime: Well, you're choosing to do this instead of with me. I mean, my thing is always if you want to watch porn, at least include me and let's do something together. I'm not saying let's make about intimacy. Brianne: Or that connection, but when you go off and hide it by yourself. Jaime: There'S an issue there that to me feels like cheating. Brianne: So that feels cheating to you? I've never heard anyone say that. And why does that feel like it's cheating to you? Jaime: You're hiding something from me. You're looking actively at one specific woman, for him at least. And you were actively finding time to make time just to do this and to not be with us. Brianne: Yeah, I agree, that is definitely cheating. I just wanted to hear what you were feeling. But I agree that to me would be a betrayal almost as going out and intimately being with somebody else, which. Jaime: I think he was as well. So then the second thing was the second feeling that I felt was when he finally we checked him into rehab. We had a family intervention. How did that go? It was crazy. He was just bananas. The whole like getting him just to get him in the car took us 4 hours. but we got him in the car and he was drinking, his last drink in the car. And he was kicking, I was driving, he was kicking the seat, verbally abusing me, calling me names, cussing at me. Dropped him off at rehab. He just says probably the most spiteful, crazy things. and then I broke down on the way after I was crying. My body was just, like, releasing him. And then the next day, I woke up feeling so happy, so light, and so reborn. I felt like I died. And then I was myself again. Brianne: That just hit me. Because letting go of someone you can't fix and a situation you can't fix, that you've been holding on to for it seems like over a year, at least. It's like two years. Jaime: Two years. Brianne: So what did you do that morning? You feel reborn? I mean, can you remember? I don't know, but can you remember? What did you do? Jaime: I ran into my kids rooms. I turned on my favorite song, and we just had a dance party. We just danced. I mean, I love my children. I love my life. I love being a mom. And all of a sudden, I felt like I was free and able to be a better mom to them. Because now I didn't have this dysfunctional teenager that I was trying to take care of. Brianne: Right? Jaime: But I was so concerned about how it was going to come across and what others were going to think of him, which, would affect us instead of just worrying about how it was affecting me and my kids. Brianne: Right. Jaime: So, I mean, I didn't think about that till right the second I only thought about how it affected him, I was right. Every single time, I was right. My body I was asleep. The night that I found him in his sex den, I was asleep. And my body woke up and I sat directly out of bed and I was like, I know exactly where he is. I have to go there now. And then the times that I found the crack pipes, pipes, pipes, plural, different times, it would be my body would lead me to this jacket or this spot that I would never go to. There's no reason for me to go there. And I would put my hand and I was like, crackpipe. There's no reason for it. Brianne: It was like your higher power or your angel or everybody has a saying was, like, guiding you to this place where you could not deny it anymore. It was like the mirror was right in front of you, and you couldn't go around or over it. You had to keep seeing it until you made that choice. Jaime: Because I wasn't listening to myself. I wasn't trusting my instincts before. And now finally, to give in and to, like, my body, it just took over. And I definitely feel like I was given it out to save myself. Brianne: So holding this secret, who do you think it harmed or it benefited definitely harmed me. Jaime: people tell me now that they said I looked like a shell of a person and they don't recognize me anymore. Everybody's like, wow, you look amazing. Or, oh, my gosh, you look so happy. And I'm like, this is who I was before. You haven't seen her for a while. And I definitely think it hard my children because I let him be around them while he was even though he told me no, I knew better and that's my fault. And that's messed up that I let him be around my children even though he told me no, but I knew he was still using that. Brianne Davis Gant: It's freeing to talk about addiction nowBrianne: It's interesting when you're talking and I love the things we do harm ourselves the most, but it's almost like when you were talking, you were so trying to fix him and not enabling, but a part of you was trying to fix him and save him and that was almost your addiction. Like his addiction was the porn and the crackpipe and yours was like, fixing him and you finally just surrendered. Jaime: Right. You can't fix people, you can't help them. Yeah, it's freeing to talk about it more. And now, I mean, I'm still not very open about all the details, but it does feel good to not feel bad about it. Yeah, because I get guilted for it all the time. His family told me I was enabling him, which in looking back, they might be right. Brianne: I mean, sometimes the people we love, we try, like I said, to keep helping them and sometimes that hurts them in the long run. I love that they said you enabled them. So how do you move forward in the future? Jaime: me or him? Brianne: You. I'm talking about you. Jaime: I m have to trust myself and I have to listen to myself and not put up with it. I'm such a people pleaser myself. And I think that has a lot to do with why he's able to get away with what he got away with. Because I was so just trying to keep the status quo m and be the good wife and look good on paper and instead of causing a ruckus and having a voice and speaking up. So I think in the future I have to trust myself and if someone tells me something I don't believe them, then I just have to say fuck you and leave. Brianne: I think the main thing, which I love, and you said it a million times already, but we have to trust our intuition and that's the point blank period. Moving forward, I will trust my intuition, you will do it. And hopefully anybody listening and ask for help. Jaime: I think that's really important too. I didn't reach out and a lot of my friends at the end were like, why didn't you tell me? And it's because I was so embarrassed and so prideful. Like you said, the seven deadly sins. I think the more we talk about it, like you said, it's not such a stigma. It's okay to not be perfect, it's okay to have these crazy flaws and have people around you and just have these things that make you seem so fucked up. But in the scheme of things, we all are and, we can help each other. Brianne: Yeah, it's to get rid of the shame, because once it's not a secret anymore, there's no shame. Jaime: Yeah, it's definitely shameful of him. Like him doing it felt like he was my other half. So crazy. It's so crazy to think about it now. Brianne: Well, I am so grateful. Thank you for coming on and sharing your story and getting to the other side of it and entrusting your instincts. Now. That is the key. Jaime: It is so key. Listen to yourself and ask for help like you ask for. Brianne: Yeah. Well, thank you for listening to Secret Life podcast. I'm Brianne Davis Gant. If you have a past secret that you've gone through that you're on the other side and you want to share it or a present one that's still buried deep inside of you, please reach out to me, message me below or email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. Bye. Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Jun 2021 | I’m a Gay Female Who Secretly Dated Straight Women | 00:25:10 | |
For decades Court chased after the unavailable woman. After years of causing harm to herself and others, she finally found recovery from sex and love addiction. This episode is jam-packed with so many secrets and her beautiful self-discovery. ______ JUNE IS LGBT PRIDE MONTH - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) is celebrated annually in June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots, and works to achieve equal justice and equal opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) Americans. In June of 1969, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City staged an uprising to resist the police harassment and persecution to which LGBT Americans were commonly subjected. This uprising marks the beginning of a movement to outlaw discriminatory laws and practices against LGBT Americans. Today, celebrations include pride parades, picnics, parties, workshops, symposia and concerts, and LGBT Pride Month events attract millions of participants around the world. Memorials are held during this month for those members of the community who have been lost to hate crimes or HIV/AIDS. The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that LGBTQ individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. Federal and local policies and practices are increasingly acknowledging and focusing on LGBTQ youth and numerous national advocacy and other organizations are also giving greater attention to LGBTQ youth in their work. Encouraging greater acceptance and support for all youth, including those who are or are perceived to be LGBTQ, will make communities, schools, and other settings safer, better places for all youth. RESOURCES: If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 04 Nov 2024 | Welcome The Dark Days | 00:10:55 | |
In this transformative episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt invites listeners to embrace the dark days as a vital part of the healing journey. She passionately advocates for befriending those moments of sadness and struggle, viewing them not as obstacles, but as necessary steps towards personal growth and emotional release. Brianne draws from her own experiences and therapeutic insights to encourage listeners to welcome these challenging times, emphasizing that they are essential for true healing and self-discovery. Brianne challenges the societal pressure to constantly pursue happiness, highlighting the dangers of toxic positivity and the suppression of natural emotions. She offers practical advice on how to acknowledge and sit with these feelings, suggesting exercises to help listeners navigate through their darker days with acceptance and self-compassion. By reframing our perspective on sadness, Brianne empowers us to see these days as opportunities for introspection and transformation. Tune in to learn how to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions and discover the profound lessons hidden within the shadows. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand the importance of embracing all facets of the human experience. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 13 Jun 2022 | Chelsea: I Am a Survivor of Sex Trafficking | 00:46:56 | |
Targeted, manipulated, and love-bombed by her boyfriend, Chelsea was groomed into prostitution at one of the lowest points in her life. Losing the only person that cared for her was unfathomable, and she found herself trapped as a prostitute for over five years. Fortunately, she escaped, found recovery, and shares her story to help raise awareness. Her story is heartbreaking and very similar to the countless victims of sex trafficking worldwide. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911. If you or anyone you know who might be a victim of sex trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline toll-free hotline at 1-888-373-7888 Text the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 233733. Message and data rates may apply. Chat the National Human Trafficking Hotline via www.humantraffickinghotline.org/chat. ____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Feb 2022 | Jeff Newman: FEAR—False Evidence Appearing Real | 00:31:53 | |
Another acronym for FEAR... F*ck Everything And Run. I think we can all relate to Jeff's story about his youth, unrequited love, anger, forgiveness, and transformation. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, depression or just feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE fear, recovery, anger issues, rage, love, unrequited love, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness. _______ ABOUT OUR GUEST Jeffrey R. Newman (a.k.a. NuISMS) is an East Coast-born self-educated visual artist, painter, writer, actor, producer - creator; currently working with acrylic on canvas, in a wide range of sizes, in tandem exploring NFT Art while rehearsing and producing a one-person show/art show he recently completed. He draws his inspiration from his limited exposure to visual art and broad interest in music and popular culture growing up in the ’70s & ’80s. Being drawn to the works of Jackson Pollack as a youth, Jeffrey throw/splattered paint on his white or black Converse sneakers. He found relief from teen angst in drawing, sketching and writing but that seemed to fade as he pursued other artistic outlets. In early 2000 Jeffrey began finding his way back to the tactical nature through stitching and designing art on and reworking clothing. This was the beginning of NuISMS. Influenced by the consciousness/spirituality movement and unity ideas he felt there was a calling for something different or something unique but everything ‘we’ as a society, culture, and/or the world knows is reflected and transposed through our collective and individual ‘histories.’ An ‘ism’ is a practice, a system, a philosophy or ideology and Jeffrey believes we have an opportunity to redefine everything we know and have known hence ‘NuISMS.’ It was through much fear and vulnerability that in 2012 Jeffrey committed to work on canvas. Greatly moved by the work of Gerhard Richter, Jeffrey began to play with movement and texture of the mediums he was engaging with. At times Jeffrey will begin with an idea but more often then not he works organically and spontaneously just starting by throwing paint onto the canvas and within that process each piece, each image takes a unique direction in which Jeffrey pursues; ultimately landing on a completed piece of art but the road to the finish is fraught with many beautiful disasters, some misgivings but to keep going, stay in action and staying out of the results he persists giving way to some of those ‘disasters’ become exactly what was meant to be the finished piece. www.NuISMS.com | IMDb Jeffrey R. Newman | Instagram ____ PODCAST SHOUT-OUT For the Knockin' Doorz Down podcast available wherever you get podcasts https://linktr.ee/knockindoorzdown ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 09 May 2022 | Brianne & Mark: I’m Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde When I’m on My Period and Mark Can’t Fix It | 00:32:41 | |
Brianne has struggled with debilitating physical pain and cramps so bad she's laid up in bed three days a month since she was 13 and cannot function normally, accompanied by intense mood swings that often lead to incredibly dark thoughts. During this time of the month, Mark, a recovering co-dependent (Al-Anon), does his best to try and make things better, only to fail time and time again. In the episode, he reveals secrets about how he ties his self-worth to being Brianne's (and his mom's as a kid) knight in shining armor, providing for her in hopes of being loved. A recipe for disaster most of the time. ______ Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe, sometimes disabling extension of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Although PMS and PMDD both have physical and emotional symptoms, PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt daily life and damage relationships. What are the symptoms of PMDD? • Anger or irritability. • Anxiety and panic attacks. • Depression and suicidal thoughts. • Difficulty concentrating. • Fatigue and low energy. • Food cravings or binge eating. • Headaches. • Insomnia. Virtually every woman knows when her period is coming. The bloating, the breast tenderness, the "munchies," and mood swings are known and typically endured because the symptoms are relatively mild for most women. For approximately 5% of women, though, this time is true agony. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction, recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 01 May 2023 | Best Of — Jim Clemente: From Child Sex Abuse Victim to FBI Profiler | 00:26:07 | |
Celebrating our 150th episode, we're sharing some of our listener favorites, starting with our good friend, Jim Clemente. Unfortunately, his story is all too common, as we see with recent news of the Baltimore Catholic Church, so incredibly prevalent still. This episode originally aired on April 19, 2021 as Ep #45. What would you do if you came face to face with the man that molested you when you were a teen? When Jim Clemente walked into the Bronx home of his former summer camp director, it wasn’t for old time’s sake. The twenty-something Clemente was wearing a wire. Federal agents and an NYPD detective were listening in. And his old camp boss, Michael J. O’Hara, was showing Clemente pictures of kids he’d molested — just like he’d abused Clemente a decade prior. Clemente had convinced the predator he was a kindred spirit and had to keep his cool, or the criminal case being built against O’Hara — a Boy Scout leader, Catholic school teacher and youth-basketball coach believed to have sexually abused hundreds of kids — would fall apart. (Excerpt from New York Post Article) _______ In April of 2021, President Biden announced National Child Abuse Prevention Month. He calls upon all Americans to protect our Nation’s greatest resource — its children — and to take an active role in supporting children and parents and creating safe communities filled with thriving families. For more information on what you can do: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/ _____ At least 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted. If you’re a man who has experienced sexual abuse or assault, you’re not alone. https://1in6.org is there to support you in your path to a happier, healthier future. _____ Jim Clemente is a retired FBI Supervisory Special Agent/Profiler and former New York City Prosecutor. During his 22-year career with the FBI, he investigated cases from bank robberies to serial killers. He also investigated public corruption in the White House, white collar and violent crime, and has worked as an undercover agent posing as everything from a street beggar to a broker on Wall Street. For over a decade, he was an FBI Profiler investigated violent and sexual serial crimes. He is an internationally recognized expert in the fields of sex crimes and abduction/homicides. Today he is the Founder/CEO of XG Productions, a cross-platform development and production company. He co-hosts the WONDERY podcasts: REAL CRIME PROFILE, BEST CASE WORST CASE. and hosts LOCKED UP ABROAD. He is a Writer/Producer for Criminal Minds and The Case Of: JonBenet Ramsey on CBS, as well as the Co-Creator of Manhunt: Unabomber on NETFLIX. He also Executive Produced the upcoming series: TRUTH & JUSTICE and COLONIAL PARKWAY MURDERS on OXYGEN Network. Clemente authored his first novel, WITHOUT CONSENT, based on his true story and co-authored the non-fiction Audible series, EVIL HAS A NAME. To connect with Jim Clemente: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook | Real Crime Profile | Best Case Worst Case | XG Productions ____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or at Amazon _____ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis Connect with Mark Gantt Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 17 Jul 2023 | Stephanie: Emotional Eating — I Binge Eat Bags of Chips | 00:21:19 | |
This week's episode is all about host Brianne Davis-Gantt's "Twin Soul," but surprise, surprise, it's not her husband Mark. It's actually her awesome sister, Stephanie! Now, let's dive into a topic we can all relate to: emotional eating. You know how sometimes we chow down on food not just because we're hungry, but because we're seeking comfort, stress relief, or a little treat? We've all been there. It's like reaching for that tub of ice cream when we're feeling down, eating a bag of chips, ordering a pizza out of sheer boredom or loneliness, or hitting up the drive-through after a ridiculously rough day at work. But here's the thing: emotional eating doesn't really solve our emotional problems. Nope, it just leaves us feeling worse. Not only are we still stuck with the original emotional issue, but now we're also hit with a side of guilt for overindulging. Talk about a double whammy! So, let's buckle up and join Brianne and Stephanie as they unravel the mysteries of emotional eating and find some fun and healthier ways to cope. To learn more about Eating Disorders: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/where-do-i-start-0 _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 23 Nov 2020 | Mark: Money—From Debt to Abundance | 00:31:14 | |
Debting and underearning were destroying Mark’s relationships, career, and ultimately his sanity. With 20 years of sobriety, he found himself at yet another bottom. Underearning wasn’t just about an inability to pay his bills; it was a more profound belief that he wasn’t ever going to get what he desired. As he uncovered, discovered, and discarded the shame he carried around his money issues, Mark found the willingness to own his talents, speak his truth and created a stronger relationship with his wife. TV, feature and commercial writer/director Mark Gantt produces the Secret Life podcast with his beautiful and talented writer/director/host wife, Brianne Davis. They live in Los Angeles with their son Davis and dog Bear. To connect with Mark: Social Media (@markgantt) : Instagram | Facebook | Twitter Websites: markganttdirector.com | markgantt.com ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE money, debt, underearning, pride, perfectionism, negative thinking, self-care, self-love, obsessive-compulsive, power greater than ourselves, obsessive thinking, addiction, alcoholism, willingness, abundance, love, relationships and communication. ______ If you'd like to share your secret on the show, send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 07 Jun 2021 | A Hilarious Whodunit Coming Out Story | 00:21:11 | |
It was the summer of 1979 when Spencer discovered pornographic magazines with naked men while visiting Paris. Like a classic murder mystery, his coming out story will have you on the edge of your seat. ______ JUNE IS LGBT PRIDE MONTH - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) is celebrated annually in June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots, and works to achieve equal justice and equal opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) Americans. In June of 1969, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City staged an uprising to resist the police harassment and persecution to which LGBT Americans were commonly subjected. This uprising marks the beginning of a movement to outlaw discriminatory laws and practices against LGBT Americans. Today, celebrations include pride parades, picnics, parties, workshops, symposia and concerts, and LGBT Pride Month events attract millions of participants around the world. Memorials are held during this month for those members of the community who have been lost to hate crimes or HIV/AIDS. The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that LGBTQ individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. Federal and local policies and practices are increasingly acknowledging and focusing on LGBTQ youth and numerous national advocacy and other organizations are also giving greater attention to LGBTQ youth in their work. Encouraging greater acceptance and support for all youth, including those who are or are perceived to be LGBTQ, will make communities, schools, and other settings safer, better places for all youth. RESOURCES: _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)
_______ Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 26 Oct 2020 | How About We 'Cancel' Rape? | 00:36:30 | |
**Trigger warning. This episode is about sexual assault and rape.** At 15, Emily was raped by the Homecoming King and at 16, sexually assaulted by a police officer. She swore she wouldn't tell anyone. 1 in 3 women has been sexually assaulted by the time they are 18, yet the majority go unreported. The rape culture that continues to exist needs to change. As a society, why aren't we teaching our impressionable young men about sex, respect, and boundaries? How can we educate our hormone-raging teenage boys to respect women and spark change? “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass ______ To Connect with Emily: Instagram (@yesgirlemilysjames) ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE rape, sexaul assault, drinking, police misonduct, date rape, boundaries and patriarchy ______ If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual violence, please call the RAINN sexual violence hotline at 1-800-656-4673 Men Can Stop Rape Organization — Mission: To mobilize men to use their strength for creating cultures free from violence, especially men's violence against women. https://mcsr.org If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 31 Jul 2023 | Best Of: Brittany — I Hate Being a Mom Sometimes | 00:30:02 | |
What they don’t tell you is that when your child is born, a part of you dies and you have to come to terms with this new identity. Brittany Ishibashi and Brianne share their stories of struggling with postpartum, trying to be the perfect mom and finding time for self-care in times of quarantine. The two swap hilarious stories of fantasizing about just walking out the door (with their masks on of course), only to have their child do something insanely adorable, reminding them why it’s all worth it. Continuing our Best Of series, we're sharing some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 25, 2020 as episode #11. ______ Connect with Brittany Ishibashi ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 15 Jan 2024 | Porn: The Intimacy Killer - Fantasy vs. Reality | 00:14:57 | |
Explore the complex dynamics of intimacy in the latest episode of the Secret Life Podcast with host Brianne Davis-Gantt. Join the candid conversation as she delves into the impact of pornography on relationships, shedding light on how it can blur the lines between fantasy and reality. Brianne shares personal insights and stories from her journey, questioning the effects of widespread exposure to explicit content on emotional and physical connections. Tune in to uncover thought-provoking perspectives on the evolving landscape of intimacy in the digital age. #SecretLifePodcast #IntimacyTalks #SecretLife #Relationships #IntimacyRevealed _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com ____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 08 Feb 2021 | Brianne Davis: Crushing Dyslexia, ADHD & Publishing a Book | 00:30:29 | |
Ever since she was little, Brianne Davis had the belief that she wasn’t smart because she struggled with standardized testing due to her dyslexia and ADHD. No matter how successful, abundant or happy she was, those negative voices of doubt and shame plagued her. As she peeled away the layers of the false self she created to protect her, the unique talent, voice, and purpose have come into the light. With just days ahead of releasing her debut novel, Brianne shares her journey and the gift of showing up for yourself despite your fears. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 14 Aug 2023 | Best Of: Kellee Stewart: Single and Freezing Eggs | 00:29:35 | |
Kellee has 29 eggs chillin 'in a freezer in El Segundo. It all started when her seven year relationship came to a tearful and agonizing end. The heartbreak of saying goodbye to her almost, maybe, or one day baby daddy sent her into a tailspin of anxiety about what her future may hold. Naturally she did what every newly single Black woman in her late thirties does - She froze her eggs. Except, that’s not quite what we all do, is it? In fact, we rarely talk about fertility with ourselves, or each other, until we’re actively trying to conceive. And if it doesn’t work - we panic. Continuing our Best Of series, we're sharing some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on August 2, 2020 as episode #5. To reach Kellee : @kstew222 Instagram | @Kellee_Stewart Twitter _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 06 Jan 2025 | Just Be... | 00:19:08 | |
Are you struggling to stay present and just be in the moment? In this introspective episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt explores the art of being present and how it can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life. Drawing from her personal journey and experiences, Brianne shares valuable insights and practical tips on how to embrace the present, overcome distractions, and cultivate mindfulness. Discover how limiting technology, focusing on one task at a time, and practicing gratitude can enhance your connection with yourself and others. Brianne delves into the challenges of being present, such as dealing with negative thoughts, multitasking, and the discomfort of vulnerability. She encourages listeners to engage fully with their surroundings, find joy in the little things, and allow themselves to reset when needed. This episode is a powerful reminder that being present is all we have, and by embracing it, we can become better versions of ourselves. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to just be, so you can be better. Whether you're seeking personal growth or simply looking to find more peace in your daily life, this episode offers valuable tools and perspectives to help you live in the moment and embrace the flow of life. 🔑 Episode Keywords Presence, Mindfulness, Being Present, Self-Improvement, Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Self-Discovery, Mindful Living, Gratitude, Technology Detox, Emotional Triggers, Multitasking, Self-Awareness, Inner Peace, Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience, Authenticity, Self-Reflection, Mindful Activities, Emotional Well-Being _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 21 Dec 2020 | Secret Skateboard Santa | 00:17:50 | |
It doesn't have to be a holiday to make some's life a little better. Our anonymous guest shares how she's found a way out of depression by helping others. Covid-19 has affected so many people this year. Is there someone in your life that could use some help? Is it you? You are not alone. Reach out, risk being vulnerable, and ask for assistance. Wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday season. Check out and support Barbara's skateboard Instagram account: ThrashXArt Some resources if you're struggling financially: Candid.org https://learning.candid.org/resources/knowledge-base/covid-19-emergency-financial-resources/ California assistance https://covid19.ca.gov/get-financial-help/ We’ve included a few links if you were interested in lending a hand regardless of the time of year. FOOD BANK IN L.A. http://bit.ly/2J6M5c2 UNICEF DONATIONS http://bit.ly/38k8wDm THE RED CROSS http://rdcrss.org/38r4Wai TOYS FOR TOTS MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION PRISON FELLOWSHIP FOR CHILDREN OF PRISONERS https://www.prisonfellowship.org/about/angel-tree/# SALVATION ARMY USA https://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/walmart-angel-tree/ ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 17 Jan 2022 | Betrayed—I Was Molested & Threatened by My Best Friend & His Brother | 00:26:36 | |
Trigger Warning: This episode touches on the subjects of molestation, sexual assault, and trauma. Rick was 8 or 9 when he was betrayed by his best friend. He didn't feel he could tell his parents, and the friend he did share it with threatened to tell everyone. How much of that affected his relationships moving forward? Did you know one in six males are sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday? Unfortunately, many victims are reluctant to come forward due to cultural conditioning. Rick is a repeat customer - Check out his incredibly powerful story in #EP 12 - Ricky B: F*ck Cancer—Breakdown to Breakthrough _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ MENTAL ILLNESS HAPPY HOUR PODCAST Thank you to our friend Paul Gilmartin and his amazing podcast Mental Illness Happy Hour. Please check it out wherever you podcast. Apple | Google | Amazon | Instagram And check out his helpful list of Male Sex Abuse Survivor Websites: https://mentalpod.com/archives/4329 ______ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 26 Feb 2024 | Unrealistic Expectations of Yourself | 00:13:26 | |
In this revelatory episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt confronts the pervasive challenge of unrealistic expectations we place upon ourselves. With the wisdom of someone who has navigated the treacherous path of self-improvement, Brianne dissects the notion that life must be fair, that opportunity should appear, and that personal growth should be rewarded with immediate, tangible benefits. Brianne shares a poignant conversation with a client struggling to reconcile the work they've done with the expectations of where they should be. She questions the rationale behind the belief that eight months of effort should undo 22 years of trauma, toxic behaviors, and self-sabotaging patterns. This episode is a heart-to-heart on the patience and compassion required in the healing journey and the understanding that the true prize is in the process itself. Listeners are invited to reflect on their compassion, the flexibility they allow in their personal growth, and the grace with which they handle their mistakes. Brianne offers a gentle reminder that the journey to self-improvement isn't about collecting gold stars but about embracing the layered complexity of our own development. If you've ever found yourself frustrated with the pace of your progress or caught in the trap of expecting too much too soon, tune in for a dose of reality and reassurance. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to recalibrate their expectations and find peace in the incremental victories of self-discovery. #SecretLifePodcast #UnrealisticExpectations #SelfCompassion #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #InnerWork #ShadowWork #LifeOnLifesTerms #Patience #SelfCare #EmotionalWellness Unrealistic Expectations, Healing Process, Compassion, Personal Development, Mental Health Journey, Inner Child Work, Self-Improvement, Healthy Relationships, Emotional Growth, Self-Acceptance, Life Challenges, Shadow Work, Self-Discovery, Recovery, Transformation Episode Chapters (01:15) The struggle with unrealistic expectations of self (05:30) The conversation with a client about healing timelines (10:44) The myths of quick fixes and instant gratification in personal growth (15:22) The importance of self-compassion and patience in the healing journey (20:55) How to practice flexibility and allow yourself grace (26:03) The significance of embracing the process over seeking the prize (31:17) Closing thoughts and how to share your own journey with us _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 01 Feb 2021 | Olivia Munn's Mystery Solved: I Have Fibromyalgia | 00:28:07 | |
Hollywood actress Olivia Munn struggled for years with chronic pain, fatigue, stress and fluctuating weight loss/gain until she discovered she had Fibromyalgia. With demanding shooting schedules and continually being in the public eye, Olivia suffered for years while trainers, doctors and nutritionists attempted to find solutions. It took a ton of research and a team of doctors at the UCLA medical center to determine what the culprit was finally. Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain and spinal cord process painful and nonpainful signals. Symptoms often begin after an event, such as physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress. In other cases, symptoms gradually accumulate over time with no single triggering event. Women are more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression. An autoimmune disease is a condition arising from an abnormal immune response to a functioning body part. There are at least 80 types of autoimmune diseases. Nearly any body part can be involved. Common symptoms include low grade fever and feeling tired. Often symptoms come and go. While there is no cure for fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help. Much of the time, fibromyalgia is an illness of flares and remissions. You'll feel not-too-bad for a while, then get knocked down by symptoms for days or weeks, then get back to feeling…well, not as horrible. For more information: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fibromyalgia/symptoms-causes/syc-20354780 https://www.cdc.gov/arthritis/basics/fibromyalgia.htm https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/fibromyalgia ________ Olivia Munn’s credits include: The Newsroom, Date Night, Iron Man 2, Magic Mike, Deliver Us from Evil, X-Men: Apocalypse, The Lego Ninjago Movie, Six, and The Predator To connect with Oliva: Twitter | Instagram _______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 23 Oct 2023 | Best Of: Brianne Davis — Crushing Dyslexia, ADHD & Publishing a Book | 00:30:29 | |
Ever since she was little, Brianne Davis had the belief that she wasn’t smart because she struggled with standardized testing due to her dyslexia and ADHD. Those negative voices of doubt and shame plagued her no matter how successful, abundant, or happy she was. As she peeled away the layers of the false self she created to protect her, her unique talent, voice, and purpose came into the light. Just days before releasing her debut novel, Brianne shares her journey and the gift of showing up for yourself despite your fears. Continuing our Best Of series, we share some of our listener favorites. The episode originally aired on February 8, 2021, as Ep #35. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 11 Oct 2021 | I Was a Hollywood Gossip Columnist and Secretly Hated It | 00:23:51 | |
Growing up with parents who were household names in celebrity news, Meg followed in their footsteps and worked for some of the biggest celebrity news and gossip outlets in Hollywood for over a decade and secretly hated it. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ____ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 15 Apr 2024 | The Narcissist Among Us | 00:23:07 | |
In this revealing episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the complex and often misunderstood world of narcissism. With candid vulnerability, she shares her own experiences and tendencies, offering a personal touch to a topic that affects many. Brianne unpacks the traits of narcissism, from the subtle to the overt, and explores the root causes that can lead to these behaviors, including childhood trauma and familial patterns. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how narcissists operate, the impact they have on relationships, and the ways in which they manipulate reality. Brianne doesn't shy away from the challenges of dealing with narcissists, providing practical phrases and strategies for disarming difficult interactions and protecting one's emotional well-being. More importantly, Brianne offers a message of hope, detailing the transformative process that individuals with narcissistic tendencies can undergo. She shares actionable steps for self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of self-forgiveness, emotional awareness, and genuine connection with others. Whether you've encountered a narcissist, recognize these tendencies within yourself, or are just seeking to understand this personality disorder better, this episode is a treasure trove of insights. Join Brianne as she guides us through the shadows of narcissism and into the light of self-awareness and change. #SecretLifePodcast #Narcissism #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #Healing #Relationships #EmotionalIntelligence #Empathy #Change #SelfImprovement 🔑 Episode Keywords Narcissism, Personality Disorders, Empathy, Self-Awareness, Brain Scans, Dbt (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), Mindfulness, Emdr (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing), Codependency, Toxic Relationships, Self-Improvement, Emotional Regulation, Childhood Trauma, Gaslighting, Love Bombing, Vulnerability, Generational Trauma, Narcissistic Tendencies, Emotional Abuse, Healing And Recovery Episode Chapters (00:00) Introduction to the episode's theme of narcissism (04:15) Brianne's personal insights on narcissistic tendencies (08:30) The making of a narcissist: causes and developmental factors (13:50) Recognizing the signs and behaviors of narcissism (19:20) Strategies for dealing with narcissists and setting boundaries (24:40) Signs that a narcissist may be open to change (29:55) How to combat narcissistic tendencies and foster self-growth (35:10) The importance of connection and new experiences in overcoming narcissism (40:25) Empowering choices when dealing with unchanging narcissists (45:50) Closing thoughts and invitation for topic suggestions _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 22 Feb 2021 | Un-Happy Ending: Addicted to Massage Parlors for Sex | 00:34:43 | |
Matt blew up his relationship with his fiancé because he couldn't stop going to massage parlors for sex. While attending an in-patient program for sex addiction, he uncovered a pattern of behaviors that stemmed from sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted family friend and an older boy. Listen to Matt's journey as he peels back the layers of shame and dependency and learns to find his truth. ________ If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, depression, trauma, or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. If you'd like to share your secret on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. _____ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 30 Aug 2021 | Jean McCarthy: The Secret Celebrity | 00:30:46 | |
Before her recovery, Jean McCarthy ran a very successful and high profile business in her community. Even though she's helped thousands of people, written and published books, has a successful podcast with millions of downloads, almost nobody in her town has any clue. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. _____ Jean McCarthy is an award-winning blogger and podcaster who is best-known as a voice of recovery advocacy. In June 2020, her collection of poetry “The Ember Ever There: Poems on Change, Grief, Growth, Recovery, and Rediscovery“ was released worldwide. Jean recently released “UnPickled Holiday Survival Guide: Staying Alcohol-Free During the Festive Season,” a resource about sobriety for people in recovery and their families. To connect, read or listen to more of Jean: https://jeanmccarthy.ca ______ ______ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 20 Sep 2021 | Shane Michael Hatton: Secret Fertility Journey | 00:30:53 | |
What do we hold to be true for ourselves? How do those beliefs affect how we share, communicate and process situations that happen in our lives? If I believe that I’m supposed to have children, and I don’t, then I’m a failure. If I believe I’m supposed to have a specific career or look a certain way, but I don’t, am I a failure? Brianne and Shane look at our core beliefs and how we will keep secrets from others instead of sharing our journey. The willingness to be seen in grief, to allow others to care for you, is truly a gift. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ More about Shane Michael Hatton Shane is a Australian by birth, Melbournian by choice, curious by nature and creative at heart. He has spent the last decade developing remarkable leaders and teams. He is an expert in leader communication, blending his experience in business & psychology to help leaders communicate, connect and collaborate more effectively in order to bring out the best in those they lead. As a speaker, coach and trainer, Shane has partnered with some of Australia’s most well known and loved businesses across the NFP, public and private sectors and his work has been featured in a number of Australian and Global publications including Forbes, The Australian, Marketing, HRD, In The Black and more. His coaching helps individuals and teams better understand what makes them exceptional and how they can leverage that to achieve individual and collective outcomes. Shane is a Gallup certified strengths coach, member of the Forbes Global Coaches Council, founder of the People Leaders Network and the author of ‘Lead The Room – Communicate a Message That Counts in Moments That Matter’. Shane also serves as director for the Asia Pacific Region Board of the International Association of Business Communicators (IABC). Website - https://shanemhatton.com/ LinkedIn - https://LinkedIn.com/in/shanemhattom Instagram - https://Instagram.com/shanemhatton Podcast (Phone Calls With Clever People) - https://plnk.to/pcwcp Facebook - https://facebook.com/shanemhatton To find out more and register for SOBER VOICES: https://flow.sobervoices.co [use code SECRETLIFE20 for 20% off] ____ ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 29 Jul 2024 | Mastering Emotional Regulation | 00:19:47 | |
In this enlightening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the critical topic of emotional regulation. Drawing from personal experiences and professional insights, Brianne explores the importance of managing and responding to our emotions in a healthy way. From understanding the difference between feelings and emotions to practical steps for self-regulation, this episode is packed with actionable advice. Brianne also touches on the generational cycle of emotional dysregulation and offers tips for teaching children how to manage their emotions effectively. Don't miss this essential discussion on breaking the cycle of emotional dysregulation and fostering emotional well-being for yourself and your family. 🔑 Episode Keywords Emotional Regulation, Self-Awareness, Generational Trauma, Mindfulness, Parenting, Emotional Well-being, Brianne Davis-Gantt, Secret Life Podcast, DBT Skills, Emotional Support, Self-Compassion (00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of human secrets (02:15) The importance of teaching emotional regulation from a young age (05:45) How unregulated emotions affect relationships and parenting (10:30) The generational cycle of emotional dysregulation (15:00) Practical steps to identify, validate, connect, and regulate emotions (20:45) How to help children learn emotional regulation (25:30) Final thoughts and listener call to action _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 02 Dec 2024 | Breaking Up is Hard To Do | 00:14:14 | |
Breaking up is never easy. Whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a family connection, the end of a relationship can be one of the most challenging experiences we face. In our latest podcast episode, we dive deep into the emotional complexities of breakups and explore why so many of us struggle to let go. Our host, Brannne Davis-Gantt, shares personal insights from her own journey through love and addiction, offering a raw and honest perspective on the importance of ending relationships that no longer serve us. She emphasizes the freedom that comes with letting go and the space it creates for new opportunities and personal growth. Too often, we hold onto relationships out of fear, comfort, or simply because of history. But as Brannne points out, dragging out a relationship can be selfish and damaging—not just to ourselves but to the other person involved. She challenges listeners to reflect on their own lives and identify relationships that may be holding them back. In this episode, you'll learn how to recognize the signs that a relationship is over and why it's crucial to act swiftly and decisively. Brannne also offers practical advice on how to navigate the emotional aftermath of a breakup, encouraging listeners to embrace the grieving process and find peace within themselves. If you're struggling with a breakup or feeling stuck in a relationship that's lost its spark, this episode is for you. Tune in to discover the power of letting go and the transformative journey that awaits when you choose to prioritize your own well-being. Don't miss this enlightening and empowering discussion. Listen now and take the first step towards emotional freedom and self-discovery. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 24 Apr 2023 | Karen: Recovery From Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home | 00:32:04 | |
Karen shares her powerful story of growing up in an alcoholic home and the impact it had on her life, including her struggle with emotional suppression and disconnection. Tune in to hear Karen's journey towards healing, self-discovery, and finding peace within herself. She offers insightful advice for those dealing with addiction in their lives and emphasizes the importance of seeking support and approaching these situations with curiosity and compassion. This podcast is a must-listen for anyone looking to overcome past traumas and experiences and connect with themselves and others on a deeper level. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com ABOUT OUR GUEST: Karen Maloney “Your life is like a mirror reflecting your beliefs to you.” Life wasn’t always how it is now. To many people I may look and appear the same, but INSIDE I feel like a completely different person. Just like a computer, I’ve installed a whole new operating system. I’ve deleted old files & replaced them with new programs instead (i.e. habits, beliefs, thoughts etc) and revolutionised my internal world, shifting the way I think and what I believe about myself. Everything comes from within – ‘as within, so without’. It’s been life-changing for me and I know it can be the same for you! Now I can see CLEARLY that for most of my life I lived in the baseline energy of fear. I lived my life in ‘freeze’ mode. I felt disassociated, unsafe, anxious and I felt awkward being myself. I judged myself harshly (always trying to be perfect!) and my brain went a 100 miles and hour. But for the most part I never realised there was anything wrong with that. It was my ‘normal’. I thought it was a sign of my ambition and drive. Out of an unconscious fear, I lived from the level of my mind. I thought if I can think, plan, control and rationalise everything in my mind, I would be safe. That need for control provided me with a sense of safety and security inside, that I didn’t feel in the external world. But it also lead to burnout. Find out MORE: Soulpowerlight.com Curiosity & Consciousness Podcast _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript [0:00:00] Karen: Often a child who grew up in an alcoholic home can have difficulties with trust, with identifying, expressing feelings. And they either go one of two ways totally controlled, or feeling like they have no control over their life. This is 1 million% describing me. [0:00:23] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict. A four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave, or, you know, those light or funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really. [0:01:23] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, why of it all. Today. My guest is Karen. Now, Karen, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret? [0:01:37] Karen: I grew up in an alcoholic home. And actually, the impact that it had on me that I totally did not connect the dots to that at all. [0:01:48] Brianne Davis: Like the denial of what living in an alcoholic home does to you. [0:01:53] Karen: Yeah, well, I don't even because there's so many different I suppose that word was never used. It wasn't a thing. It wasn't as if my dad was out all day every day and coming home drunk and crawling havoc and messing up the place and all this kind of thing. No, he totally worked all day, but he went out every single night and came home, particularly when I was a child, I remember him coming home drunk, like, absolutely obliterated, and I hated it. And I always just wanted to be in bed and I would be like, oh, please don't come in and wake me up. Because sometimes he would he'd come in and he'd wake me up and that's when he'd be like, oh my God, I love you so much. profusing his undying love. And sometimes he passed out as well. With life an arm over me. And as a child, I was just terrified. [0:02:41] Brianne Davis: So terrifying. That overwhelming. It's almost like when a family member would do that, it was like you didn't know what to do with all that energy coming at you. [0:02:53] Karen: Yeah, and that's when I literally stopped breathing. Because as a child and before the age of seven, we're literally in PETA. We've been programmed. It's like we're in a hypnotized state again. I'm looking back now as a journey of discovery and healing and connecting all the dots, but I didn't know this at the time. But that's when I stopped breathing, I'd be so terrified. I went into freeze mode because even my dad, if he passed out with his arm over me, I would stop breathing because I'd be like, I don't want to wake him, because if he starts producing his love again, the smell of drink, it's just not cool for a child. And I live my life in that freeze mode. [0:03:39] Brianne Davis: Like, you would realize you were holding your breath. [0:03:43] Karen: And especially if I felt triggered or vulnerable or particularly when it came to relationships and opening up and expressing feelings and emotions, life, I just did not do that. I was a closed book. And if ever I felt in that space of needing to open up, I would go in that freeze mode. It was like, stop breathing. Shut down. Yes. [0:04:05] Brianne Davis: I want to ask you, so I've taken breath class. As an actor, you work with your breath and all. My teacher told me that I breathe just in my chest, and I didn't connect my breath to my belly. And the lower area, is that how you life? I guess I was disconnected too. [0:04:25] Karen: Yeah, upper chest breathing. Because I've studied a lot and done a couple of courses while on breath work. And that upper chest breathing, is that really kind of panic, fight or flight you're passing extra cortisol you're in fight or flight, essentially. You're not in that rest or digest, like, full, deep, diaphragmic breaths that allow oxygenated blood to pass around your body. So, yeah, it does have an impact. But it's so funny because recently I joined Alanon, and honestly, by joining there and that's through another episode of a person close to me drinking. And I was just like, oh, my God. Even with all my skills, all my tools, all my practices, I couldn't cope. It was really triggering me. So I was like, oh, my God, I need help here. [0:05:12] Brianne Davis: Wait, let's not jump ahead, though. Wait, let's go back. I have a couple of questions. Okay. You're like, I know exactly what I want to say, but no. When your household was in that state so he drank every night. He was a functioning alcoholic. It sounds life. [0:05:27] Karen: Now you can look back and go, yeah, absolutely. Because he was up every morning, went to work. [0:05:31] Brianne Davis: Yeah. And that's the hardest ones to diagnose. If your life is not falling to pieces, it's hard to be like, oh, I have a problem. [0:05:39] Karen: Yeah. [0:05:40] Brianne Davis: So was there a word you guys used for when he was in that state, or was it just not talked about? [0:05:46] Karen: No, like I say, it was not mentioned. That word was never brought up. It was never an issue. It was just like and honestly, when I look back, I didn't see it as an issue. I didn't think, oh, my God, my dad goes out every night. It was just like a normal as far as I knew, it's what everyone did. [0:06:04] Brianne Davis: Wait and where are you from? [0:06:06] Karen: Ireland. [0:06:06] Brianne Davis: Ireland, that's it. You're Irish, right? But I'm Irish too and it's like a lot of people I hear say, well, Irish just drink a lot. Like it's our culture, it's the society we were raised in. Yeah. [0:06:19] Karen: And it definitely was part that. But I could see as well, it was probably his bit of a wind down his sanctuary where he met his buddies and they all catched up, caught up, but also when it's every single night of the year. The only two nights he didn't go out was Good Friday because the pubs were closed during Christmas Day because the pubs were closed and I do not remember a single day when he did not go. That's just how it was. But like I'm saying, it was just so normalized and I think this is what happens a lot in trauma or whatever kind of situation. They're just so normal. You don't see that there's any issue. They're just like your blind spots and those particularly coming home life really drunk and kind of waking us up in the middle of the night to tell us he loves us so much, in that I remember that happening literally a handful of times. But when I was really young, like five, six, seven, maybe around that age, it didn't happen as we got older, but he still went out. But it happened enough times for me to live my life in a programmed state of that not feeling safe, that fear, that living in freeze mode, shutting down. That's what we do. [0:07:40] Brianne Davis: You're supposed to rely on, is not in a healthy state. So the boundaries are crossed. Like your boundaries were crossed as a little girl. A father should not be climbing in bed and passing out drunk with his arm over his daughter. Is that when you had that AHA moment? Because you had it after we talked, right? Like we talked on your podcast. So how did that AHA moment realize, I know you have another family member that's also an alcoholic. Can you connect all those dots when this moment of AHA happened for you? [0:08:13] Karen: Yeah, my AHA moment when it all connected and I really saw the impact that those events had on me was like I mentioned, just another family member and just me not being able to cope and I was like, oh hell, I need help here. [0:08:30] Brianne Davis: And did something happen with the other family member? Did the person bottom out or just. [0:08:37] Karen: Every now and again they're just not in a good place, don't have healthy supportive habits. So it's just kind of like, well, I don't give a shit anyway, so I'm just going to go and get obliterated and maybe on a weekly Davis would just be obliterated and awake all night and singing and Wake Me up and I'm just like, what the fuck? So I was just life, oh my God, I need help here. Because obviously again, that's a coping mechanism and they're not ready to do anything else. But it was really triggering me more than anything else because, like, that I have so many tools and skills of and have been on this journey. So I reached out to Alanon and it's so funny because obviously there's so many groups, but it's not funny because there's no such thing as coincidence. But I ended up joining a group called growing up in an Alcoholic Home. And even though looking at it, I was life. Yeah, but that's not really the truth because you have this idea that Narcolic is drunk all day every day and calls him mayhem, which happens. [0:09:35] Brianne Davis: But I was grown up and well, they call Alanon, just so anybody's listening, you don't have to have a drunk parent to be an Alanon. I also went to Alanon. Neither of my parents were drinkers, but it was a dysfunctional family. So they say Alanon's for alcoholic or dysfunctional family, or if you have a. [0:09:52] Karen: Relative or friend, they say, yeah. [0:09:57] Brianne Davis: Well, they're another addiction. Like, my mom is a workaholic. She'll say that other family members had problems. But yeah. [0:10:04] Karen: So this group jumped out at me and at first I was like, no, I'm not going to join that one. I didn't really grow up in the Melcolic home, but then I was like, because this was a Friday and I was like, I really want to just join now. So this was a Saturday morning, so it was the next day. So I was like, yeah, I'm just going to join it. And oh my God. On their opening paragraph, even they describe this adult child and they describe this person who as a child, if they grew up in an alcoholic home and if they often felt either physically unsafe or psychologically unsafe, and that was obviously me, psychologically unsafe. [0:10:44] Brianne Davis: When a parent crosses a line that is just unsure and not normal, which happened to me, I wasn't as sexually abused by a parent, but there was some line crossing where boundaries that is inappropriate for a child. So if you're out there and something has happened where you're like, well, it wasn't sexual abuse, but it definitely made me really uncomfortable as a child. It was too intimate and it was emotionally a meshing and physically meshing a little bit. You're okay to say something happened and I'm uncomfortable, even if it wasn't sexual? I just have to say that because it was so hard for me doing the work to be like, but nothing sexual happened. And my therapist would be like, no, it was inappropriate at six years old for this to happen to you. So I just have to say that because I had the hardest time admitting that to myself. [0:11:35] Karen: Yeah, no, for sure, you're right. And it does make sense, as I say, although I didn't feel physically unsafe. Of course it makes sense. Like you say, yes, absolutely. Boundaries were crossed that's just not normal behavior, definitely, but, like, that it was more a psychological effect for me and how I life. But they had this paragraph on an adult child and how it impacts them, how often a child who grew up in an alcoholic home can have difficulties with trust, with identifying, expressing feelings. And they either go one of two ways total control or feeling like they have no control over their life. And I swear to God, my jaw dropped on the ground because I was like, this is 1 million% describing me and how I operated in my life. I was a total and not sure control freak because I suppose I didn't feel safe. So I had this story. And again, this was all unconscious at the time. This is through the inner work and the uncovering that my story that I was telling myself was if I could control everything outside of myself, I was safe. [0:12:39] Brianne Davis: Yeah. [0:12:40] Karen: And we obviously can't live that way. It's exhausting. We can control nothing. [0:12:44] Brianne Davis: I was saying I love power and control because that's the only thing I felt, because I felt so not in control of everything. And you can't yeah, you can't go through life trying to have power and control over anyone. [0:12:56] Karen: No, but I did. But more so, even over myself. And it was overanalyzing. It was overly critical. I was overly independent. Like, I was just like, I'll do it all myself. I don't want anyone to help me. I didn't want to ask for help. Life just that pure perfectionism. And that just feeling uncomfortable being myself. And a lot of people do it, but that editing, altering, censoring ourselves in order to be liked, to be accepted by others. And again, it wasn't conscious to me at the time. I wasn't going around going I was the most disingenuous person ever. No, I was completely oblivious. I just felt so unsafe and unconnected and uncomfortable being me that this is just what I did. [0:13:40] Karen: And I see I carried so much embarrassment. I really had so much underlying shame and embarrassment, and I was afraid to be seen. I didn't want to be seen. Why were you hired? [0:13:52] Brianne Davis: Can you explain? [0:13:54] Karen: I was embarrassed because if and I remember, I didn't like having friends staying over purely for the fact I was like, oh, my God, imagine if they stayed and he came in in the middle of night, waking us up, saying all this shite. I was just, like, so embarrassed. [0:14:08] Brianne Davis: Right? [0:14:09] Karen: And that's really where it came from. It was just that pure embarrassment of having someone over and seen this behavior or feel behavior that stuck with me. And still at times, because sometimes our wounds, they're always there. No matter the healing we do, we get triggered. And even recently, life last week, I was meditating on the couch in the sitting room, and next thing I heard my brother coming in, and I got really embarrassed. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to stop. But I've done it so much now it's in that moment going, no, that's an old story. [0:14:45] Brianne Davis: That's life. Life. [0:14:46] Karen: And I just stay there, I'm safe, all is good. Who cares if he sees me? Life, let him think what he wants. It's totally fine. [0:14:56] Brianne Davis: Has this affected your romantic relationships? [0:15:00] Karen: Totally, yeah. And again, it was all unconscious. But now I can see how and just to say before I go into this, that AHA moment was joining that group and actually seeing because just connecting the dots and it's just like all the cards fell and it was like, oh my God. That really did have that much of an impact on me because it crossed my mind before and I was like that's when I stopped breathing. But I kind of thought that was it. But no, it was everything in how I was. And because that feeling of not being safe or being afraid to be myself, wanting to kind of hide and being that control freak and perfectionist and overly independent, that obviously put me in my masculine energy. I lived in my masculine energy. [0:15:53] Brianne Davis: Me too. [0:15:56] Karen: Which again, when I saw that I was like, oh my God, we're so blind. [0:16:01] Brianne Davis: But that's the thing. I think a lot of women go to the masculine energy when they feel unsafe. As a child, when you have to walk on eggshells with someone in your household at such a young age, not knowing what you're going to get, if it's a rager, if it's drinking, if it's overly infectionate, all that stuff, you usually turn to the masculine energy because it shuts you down and it protects you. [0:16:23] Karen: Well, it kept me in my head. I was totally disconnected from my body. I lived from the level of mind that thinking, planning, doing. Like if I could think every aspect of us, it's going to be fine, I could control us, I could think my way out of things, overanalyze and. [0:16:38] Brianne Davis: Figure it out completely, which doesn't burnish. [0:16:43] Karen: Because you cannot live there. But again, it was so normal to me because I'm a really ambitious and driven person and I thought my constant striving and pushing and hustling and efforting, I thought that was a sign of oh, that's a sign of my ambition. Like, I didn't see that it was so detrimental. So because I lived at that masculine energy, I obviously was attracting people who were men, who were more in their feminine and who just couldn't hold space to me because energy always has to balance. And again, I was just such a closed book. I just couldn't open, I couldn't express. I was life just kind of numb inside. I was just like, oh, shut down. So totally. Yeah, it impacted everything, but especially relationships. And like, that not even just intimate. Even some of my closest relationships with friends. I remember years and years ago we were on holidays and a friend of mine, one of my best friends, even said to me, she was just like she's just like, who are you? I just don't even know who you are. You don't share. [0:17:48] Karen: And I was like, oh, my God. [0:17:50] Brianne Davis: How long did you have this friendship? How long were you guys? [0:17:52] Karen: Oh, we've been friends since primary school. [0:17:55] Brianne Davis: Wow. To have somebody that you've known that long be life, who are you? Yeah, because I were never completely available. [0:18:04] Karen: Not on an emotional level. Never. I was terrified. I didn't know how to speak about emotions. I didn't know how to express feelings. I didn't know how because, again, one of what happened. But two, we're not taught that inside society. We're not taught how to process emotions, how to feel them, how to release them. So, yeah, it was that. And actually oh, my God, this is so awful that I remember, like, an early boyfriend as well, who I really, really liked and like, that I liked him so much. I was terrified. Again, that fear of being yourself. I was like, Fear of fear. But even more, it was how I acted, what I said. I just had this fear of he doesn't life me because I like him so much. [0:18:46] Karen: So it's that editing that constantly not feeling comfortable in yourself, to just be yourself. It's trying to be that perfect person. And I remember at one stage and we were going out and I remember one day he gave me a big hug. We just met and he gave me a big hook. And he was like, I don't know what's wrong with you? He's like, It's like you're dead inside. [0:19:08] Brianne Davis: What age? [0:19:10] Karen: Oh, my God. I was like, early teens, late teens, late teens. [0:19:13] Brianne Davis: Like 1617? [0:19:15] Karen: Yeah, probably 1718. [0:19:17] Brianne Davis: Wow. [0:19:18] Karen: Like, around that age. Those kind of comments obviously don't help a person to try. [0:19:25] Brianne Davis: Were you confused or did you brush it off? Did you guys? What happened after that? I'm just curious. [0:19:31] Karen: Yeah, well, obviously, we kind of still went out for a bit, but obviously, it didn't go very far. But as I got older, I was more curious. I was like, Why? Because, again, like I'm saying, this was all unconscious. I didn't connect. [0:19:49] Brianne Davis: It's those secrets that we keep from ourselves. We are crazy. [0:19:54] Karen: And that's why the inner work is going within. Because what we carry unconsciously to ourselves are our blind spots. So, yes, I had a curiosity and I was like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I feel this huge joy and kind of safety and things like that? That's what led me on my path of healing and discovery and intimacy. [0:20:15] Brianne Davis: I know, but what you just said was really important. When you dead in the feelings of not being wanted or not being enough or scared of intimacy or being loved and all that, you dead in everything. That's what my therapy you dead in the joy. You don't get to pick and choose what emotional you don't actually feel all of them. [0:20:36] Karen: And you know what's even funny? I remember that's why Brennan Brown's talk, the Power of Vulnerability is one of my favorite ever. It is brilliant. And I remember when I first watched that, probably in 2015 or 2016, I was going out with a guy and he was going through different issues or whatever, and he was a bit shut down, obviously, as well. But again, I was totally unconscious. And I remember I watched that Ted Talk and my mind was blown. And she literally says that at the end, she was like, you can't pick and choose emotions. If you're shut down to one, you're shut down to all of them. [0:21:13] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I heard that twelve years ago. And it just blew my mind when she said that, because I was like, wow. That's why I feel like I never am fully joyous, because I was so dead. And I didn't want to feel anything because as an addict, I don't want to feel anything. Like, I just want to feel euphoria. 24/7. If I can't feel that, I don't want to feel anything else. [0:21:33] Karen: But I remember watching that mind blown. Loved it. But then I was like, that's what's wrong with my boyfriend, trying to get him to watch it. And it just blows my mind now, because again, it's that thing of everything as a reflection. It's not outside of us, it's something within us as well. But again, I was so unconscious. And it even makes sense now as well, because I traveled for years after university and life, you're saying there as well. I just couldn't feel the full expression of anything. I was just pretty much like, pretty numb to everything. And people you'll be watching this incredible sunset and people are like, oh my God, it's so incredible. Newly cried. And I'm like, yeah, it's ground, like. [0:22:12] Brianne Davis: Trying to set like, can we go now? [0:22:14] Karen: Yeah. Trying to kind of fake this, going, oh, yeah. And I'm like going, how are they getting so excited about this? I'm like, It's beautiful, but I just can't feel it. Whereas now I'm that person that I'm like. I'm like crying at the sunset, going, oh my God, it's so beautiful. Nature is so powerful, but I just live my life numb. And again, I just wasn't even aware. [0:22:36] Brianne Davis: Can I just say, too, it was really fascinating when you said about the boyfriend, and I just want to point out, and I always love to take these things because they're tips. Like, if anyone's listening and you keep picking that unavailable person, and it's because something in you is unavailable. You pick those people because you're unavailable. And that's when you go inward. Life, you said you have to do the inner work. If there's drama or you're not feeling what everybody else is feeling, usually there's something we're cut off from. [0:23:05] Karen: Yeah, and that's exactly why they say everything does start from within. If we can't feel the full expression of love, of joy, of whatever within us, first and foremost, nothing outside of us can make us feel it. Yes, they can augment it, they can make it bigger, but they cannot make us feel anything that we do not or have activated within ourselves first. So that's why it's all from within. It all starts from within everything. If it's not happening on the external, it's because of something that we hold within a limiting belief, a subconscious pattern, something. And that's why through my own journey and all my learnings and all these AHA like faceplant moments going, oh my God, how could I be so blind? But that's part of the journey. It's not when you have these uncoverings, it's not to get even harder on yourself. It's kind of to be like, oh, well, now I know. Now I've got something. [0:23:58] Brianne Davis: Now you're gentle, you have compassion and empathy, saying, oh, these are the things that happen. This is why I'm the way I am. And now I need to work on them because you can't carry around that baggage through your life or you're responsible for your behavior now that you know. But here's the thing, and I want to ask you, I want to get back to now there's a person in your life. Is your father still around? I wanted to ask. [0:24:22] Karen: No, he passed away ten years ago this year of cancer. But obviously it was all connected. And it's funny, actually, he mentioned to me close to the end, he said to me one day, he was like, you know what, Karen? I always thought I was an alcoholic and the drink would kill me. And he was like, and here I am with cancer. But it was cold on cancer. So there was obviously a connection. [0:24:47] Brianne Davis: Now you are dealing with someone in your life that is drinking a lot, right? [0:24:53] Karen: Yeah. On a weekly basis, kind of going. [0:24:57] Brianne Davis: So how are you dealing with that? How are you taking care of yourself now that you know this journey and you know what you've been through and you have the tools and you're with other people like mine going through the same thing. How? Karen, you dealing with someone you care about having the same disease, and it's. [0:25:15] Karen: Hard the closer the person is to you because you want to. And especially when you've been on a healing journey, you want to share all these tools and everything. I know, right? [0:25:25] Brianne Davis: And they're like, no, I'm not interested. Leave me alone. That happens to me on a daily basis. It's the most heartbreaking when you're like, no, it's heartbreaking the way you can be better. You don't have to be living like this. And they're, like, not interested. [0:25:37] Karen: Yeah, totally. And that's a really hard part. But it's about making peace with that as well. And I suppose for me now, for years, I have so many daily practices. Like it is my jam to be meditating, to be praying, to be doing yoga, to be conscious all day, every day, that is me. And even more so when I feel triggered in this particular situation. But also it was that extra level of me reaching out to get help from Alanon and be in a like minded group of people who are experiencing the same, to just be able to share because a word you mentioned there as well. When you go on this healing journey and really connect back to yourself, you gain so much compassion for yourself going, wow. It's that thing of when we know better, we do better. But that compassion. Again, like I said before, we have to activate things within ourselves. So the fact that I activated it within myself, for myself, I actually extend that to others. So even to my dad, I have huge compassion for him because I'm like, shit, I don't know what was going on in his life. [0:26:39] Brianne Davis: Yeah, what he went through, you have no idea. It's that empathy that we get to have now because we see that we're all going through something nobody does. Hurt people, hurt people and people are trying to function. But yeah, you look at it from a different angle, totally. [0:26:55] Karen: And I don't think anyone is innately bad, so I do that as well in this situation. And also it's the bigger picture of the higher consciousness that we are a soul, we are a spirit having a human experience. And I'm life just because I think it's bad or it's wrong or it's not the best way. I don't know what another soul is here to experience and to go through and it's just to try, hold, to look after myself. But to hold that space of compassion and love and be just like look, I know you're going through a difficult time. I'm here. Please let me know if I can do anthem. But I also know it's your journey and I fully love you. And giving them that space as well, I think is huge. And I know for us it's made a massive difference because although it hurts and it pains, again, it's not my life. Everyone's here to experience their own things and again, I know it's because of something else that's going on and they know as well. And when they're ready to look at another way, then it'll be their time and it's being okay with that. And I think that's the full truth of awakening, of responsibility, it is that making peace with everyone and anyone, however they're living their life, it's like, okay, maybe it's not my choice, but I don't want to take my anger or because you're not meeting my expectations out on you. That's my piece to deal with. If I am triggered, because that's what they say, nothing can affect me unless I have an unhealed wound within me, unless it's touching something within. [0:28:24] Karen: Me. So it's that constant invitation, and that's the way I looked at it. I'm like, it's an invitation for me to go deeper into my work. And I am so grateful. And I've said this to him as well. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so grateful, actually, that you're going through this phase, because it has pushed me to go deeper within myself. And now I've connected with this whole community that I am growing and learning so much. And I'm like, oh, my God. And it is helping him. He's like, wow, that's really interesting. And he's starting to look for other avenues in that. So we just never know. And it's really hard the closer someone is. But it's not about getting anger, calling, just telling them to get their shit together and stop being such an asshole or whatever. [0:29:08] Karen: And that's really hard. But it's always our work. It's always our piece. [0:29:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I 100% agree. And I love talking to you. We could talk forever. But I have one more question before we go. If someone is dealing with an alcoholic or an addict and they don't know how to have a relationship or move forward, what would be your last bit of advice that you wish you would have heard a long time ago? Yeah. [0:29:35] Karen: Well, again, I suppose because it depends where you're at in your journey, because for so long, I was so unconscious, I didn't even see the connection. So curiosity is such an incredible tool. Like, if we live a life of curiosity and more curiosity about ourselves, why am I getting so angry? What is it touching within me? Why am I you know, can I not hold a space of. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 12 Sep 2022 | Crystal: I Am An Incest Survivor | 00:25:49 | |
Crystal was born and raised in Puerto Rico. When she was just 14, she got pregnant. Her very religious mother called their priest, and she was married to her 16-year-old boyfriend and the father of her child. The marriage didn't last; at 16, she asked to move to the states with her biological father. For years, he groomed her to be his wife and the mother of his child. And by the time she was 19, he took things too far. Trigger warning - topics include incest and sexual abuse; listener discretion is advised. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle_____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 30 Dec 2024 | The Truth Will Set You Free, But First it Will Kick Your A$$ | 00:10:56 | |
Are you ready to face the truth and transform your life? In our latest episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt dives deep into the power of honesty and how it can set you free. As we approach 2025, it's time to confront the secrets holding us back and embrace personal growth. Join us for a candid discussion on the importance of accountability and self-discovery. Tune in now and start your journey towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. Let's make 2025 the year of truth and transformation! If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 07 Mar 2022 | Joe Pt. 1: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate | 00:47:10 | |
The more Joe looked at porn and the more deeply he got into those fantasies, the fantasy of porn became his reality, and the reality of having sex with another person became fantasy. There is so much to unpack in this episode. You’ll hear how through therapy, Joe discovered the hidden reasons for his sexual anorexia and how he overcame those fears and found himself with a sex surrogate. Surrogate Partner Therapy is a form of therapy based on the successful methods of Masters and Johnson. In this therapy, a client, a therapist, and a surrogate partner form a three-person therapeutic team who together work to understand and resolve difficulties that a client is experiencing in their lives. The surrogate participates with the client in structured and unstructured experiences that are designed to build client self-awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. These therapeutic experiences include partner work in relaxation, effective communication, sensual and sexual touching, and social skills training. What surrogacy is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIc70zBY3SY Surrogate partner website: https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/ UPDATED: Here's an anonymous article Joe wrote about his experience. There are more juicy details as well: https://www.thedoe.com/narratives/my-surrogate-partnership-experience _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE virgin, sex surrogate, surrogate partners, porn addiction, addiction, love and sex addiction, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, behaviors, self-care, self-love, and courage. _____ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 14 Aug 2020 | Lisa: Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, Abortion and Shame | 00:26:30 | |
* Please note that this episode contains topics of sexual abuse, trauma and abortion. Some people may find disturbing.* Robbed of her innocence, a beautiful Lisa finds herself in the throes of addiction and self-harm. As a young woman, she regretfully used abortion as a form of birth control. Lisa's journey towards healing her inner child, forgiving herself, and the shame she carried around for decades is both courageous and inspiring. ______
If you'd like to share your secret and be on the show: send an email to secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 15 Aug 2022 | Hannah: I Attempted Suicide at Seventeen, Just 2 Years After My Mom's Suicide | 00:44:09 | |
Hannah’s mom struggled with depression and drug addiction. The two were completely enmeshed; they were more like best friends than mother and daughter. Because of that, Hannah had very little supervision or rules. It wasn’t long after Hannah’s mother was sent to jail for having an affair with Hannah’s 17-year-old boyfriend that she took her life. At the funeral, Hannah met her father for the first time. The following two years were the darkest she’d ever experienced. *Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode contains topics of suicide and sexual abuse. Some people may find it disturbing. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or CALL 800-273-8255 _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S topics include addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Brianne's novel: SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT Check out the website: Secret Life Novel or buy on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 19 Dec 2022 | Rachel: I’m a Love Addict and I Was Addicted to a Younger Man | 00:26:34 | |
Rachel shares her inspiring story of how she confronted her struggles with love and sex addiction. With the help of a love addiction specialist, Rachel was able to move from a place of deep lows to a place of hope and healing. Host Brianne Davis also discusses the importance of seeking help, and how powerful it can be to take ownership of one's own behavior and thoughts. This engaging and encouraging episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking support on their journey of healing. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ This month's sponsor - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript[0:00:00] Rachel: I watched my life start to both elevate in really weird ways and then deteriorate into this like, deep bottomless pit of I can't do anything without this man in my life. And he was like a drug. Like could not get enough, like was addicted. [0:00:28] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Live Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know those deep, dark secrets we probably want to go to our grave with are those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really. [0:01:28] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, and why of it all. Today. My guest is Rachel. Now, Rachel, I have a question for you. Dun, dun dun. What is your secret? [0:01:39] Rachel: Well, thank you for having me on. And my secret is that when I was in my late twenty s, I had an on and off scandalous relationship with an 18 year old gentleman. And it literally threw my life down the tubes and I almost tapped out on life as a result of it. [0:02:05] Brianne Davis: Wow. Okay, let's go back. So what started this relationship? [0:02:12] Rachel: So I had been in on and off long term relationships with different men and none of them seemed to pan out. And I was on my hot shit. [0:02:24] Brianne Davis: Your shit down stink. [0:02:26] Rachel: Yeah, I was like, you know what? Fuck a relationship. I'm going to just get some young tail and see what happens. And honestly, I'd never been with anybody younger, but this guy was catnip. He was like kryptonite at this catnip and kryptonite all wrapped up into one package. And I watched my life start to both elevate in really weird ways and then deteriorate into this deep bottomless pit of I can't do anything without this man in my life. And he was like a drug, could not get enough, was addicted. [0:03:02] Brianne Davis: So can we talk about first how you said elevate? How did things elevate during that time? [0:03:11] Rachel: This young man came from a really amazing family. And in my relationship with him, or pseudo relationship we'll call it, I got exposed to motherly love, I got exposed to fatherly love. I got exposed to family in a way that I'd never felt cared for and seen. And it was almost like the missing puzzle piece in my life. And so I felt powerful at times, but then the low was like unmanageable, crying in my bed, staring at my phone for 12 hours waiting for text messages, like, kind of crazy, terrible. [0:03:48] Brianne Davis: So it was almost like was an obsession came over you about him. Did other people know about your relationship at the time? [0:03:56] Rachel: They did, but they didn't know to what extent I was choosing to participate in to the point where I would call my friends religiously for support, but they'd be like, Just stop seeing that guy. And then the later it would get at night, I would end up on an app called Whisper and releasing my deepest darkest, like, please help me get this guy in my life. Who do I have to be in order to have him in my life forever? And it was terrifying. I was addicted, I was obsessed, I was compulsive. I was spending hours like an FBI investigator on social media. I look back on that part of my life and go, I just want to hug that girl. [0:04:53] Brianne Davis: So did you stalk him? Was he an available young buck? [0:05:05] Rachel: As available as an 18 year old can be. I mean, he still lived at home. Like, I supported him in moving out of his parents house. Maybe in ten years, he would have been relationship material, but he was a baby. [0:05:30] Brianne Davis: A baby. But here's the thing. So your friends knew about the relationship. Did they know how young he was? [0:05:37] Rachel: They did know, but they didn't see to the extent I was involved. They saw like, okay, well, Rachel's not around anymore, so she must be doing something else. And he and I shared an activity in the world together, so I was always doing, quote unquote, that activity. And what I was really doing was just, like, upending my life and turning myself into bending myself into whatever sort of gumby character I could be that I thought he would want me to be, which included not being anywhere near anybody I was friends with. [0:06:16] Brianne Davis: So you really isolated yourself in this situation from people, so everything shut out and made it about this one person. [0:06:28] Rachel: Yeah. And seemingly from the outside, everything seemed fine. I was successful. I had a six figure income, I had my own place. I had it all together. And, yeah, it was jarring, to say the least. When I hit that bottom of, like, I don't want to do life anymore because of this relationship with this person, it was like a two week on, two week off. [0:06:57] Brianne Davis: So what was that bottom? Can you describe the moment where it just all came just rushing? [0:07:04] Rachel: Yeah, it was five years ago and five years ago in June, and I had planned my birthday and the girl he had cheated on me with probably three or four times, he was pulling away again. And I uncovered in my social media findings that he had planned a beach day with her on my birthday, and my birthday was going to be at the beach. So after he had just professed his undying love for me, and we were going to be together, and he never wants to see anybody else. And it was just like, I'm canceling my birthday, I'm getting in the car and I'm leaving town, and I'm never coming back. Yeah, it was gnarly. It was very traumatic. It was like I was living in an emergency room, emotional emergency room, 24 hours a day. My adrenaline, my nervous system was just tapped. [0:08:04] Brianne Davis: Wow. Did you get in that car and drive and go? [0:08:08] Rachel: I did. I went to where I am from and really had a hard time explaining why I was there and made some excuse why I was there and just found myself driving around and figuring out which telephone pole is just going to run my car into. [0:08:29] Brianne Davis: I have heard similar people say when they've been in that same situation, like they didn't want to kill themselves, they just didn't want to be around anymore. Is that how you felt? [0:08:42] Rachel: Yeah, I would say that it just hurt so bad that I didn't want it to hurt anymore. [0:08:49] Brianne Davis: Right. [0:08:50] Rachel: And my best thinking was like, there's no way this feeling is ever going to go away unless I end it. And I had exposed myself so deeply to the community that he and I were both in. Just people just like, they looked at me and go, you're a grown woman. What are you doing? [0:09:12] Brianne Davis: So I had all this judgment from other people because they saw it. [0:09:17] Rachel: Yeah. There were moments where people would pull him aside and be like, hey, she's dangerous. Don't talk with her anymore. Really had his best interest at heart, but they didn't see the inner workings of what actually was happening. And I'm fully responsible for creating what I created with him, and we co created it together. [0:09:46] Brianne Davis: I love what you just said because it seems like the blame got put on you, even though, you know, it was both you and him, but it seemed like, did it all come on you all the judgment came on you than him. [0:10:00] Rachel: I'm sure it didn't. I mean, there's my truth, his truth, their truth, and then the truth. [0:10:08] Brianne Davis: Did they say in God's truth because God sees it? [0:10:12] Rachel: God's truth? There's that too. [0:10:15] Brianne Davis: But. [0:10:19] Rachel: I think over the last five years, looking at somebody's, like, if you're looking at somebody and you're like, oh, they totally hate me, they totally hate me, they're thinking the worst of me. And then you will go up and ask them, hey, what are you thinking about? I'm thinking about eating a sandwich. [0:10:34] Brianne Davis: Yeah. It has nothing to do with you ever. [0:10:37] Rachel: Don't actually give a shit. And if they do, it's because it triggers something inside of them. So I don't truly know, but I know that there were people that pulled them aside and said, like, hey, this isn't a good thing for you. You're young, you're free. Don't get wrapped up in some old ladies stuff. [0:10:58] Brianne Davis: So here's my next question for you. How did you get out of it? [0:11:03] Rachel: I reached for a lifeline. I called somebody who had always given a trace to me, talk to me straight and direct with me. And she said, you get to go to a twelve step meeting and you get to get your butt into a counselor and have a conversation about love addiction. Because this isn't you that's dealing this and creating this. This is a part of you that is sick and you get to get help. And boy, I couldn't pick up the phone quick enough that day. Where I found myself driving around telephone to hit myself into a telephone pole was the day I called her. And within an hour of that incident, I was on a phone, phone call, phone therapy session with a love addiction specialist. And she was like, yeah, you are not alone. This is to tee the description of love addiction. And there's hope. [0:12:02] Brianne Davis: Here's my question for you. And a lot of people ask me this. I've already said I'm out ten years sober in sex and love addiction. And my question for you is do you think you can have a love addictive relationship with one person and then have a healthy one in another? Or are you always going to have love addicted qualities or traits? [0:12:25] Rachel: Are you saying simultaneously, like, I can be love addicted to somebody else and then at the same time be in a healthy relationship with somebody or like segueing from one to the next, one to the next? Over the last five years, what I've uncovered is that I'm on the spectrum of sex and love addiction. So there are days where I feel anorexic emotionally, there's days where I feel avoidance, there's days where my intrigue button is really high. And for those of you that are listening, there's all different types of sex and love addiction. There's a range. It could even be codependence. Just straight up 101 codependence. I can fall under the umbrella of that. And in the work that I've done, it's when I choose to come from responsibility and ownership and I'm willing to go to the deepest cut of why I'm acting the way that I'm acting or showing up in the world, then I have the option to be in a healthy partnership. But it is only when I'm willing to do that work. [0:13:27] Brianne Davis: I love how you say that because sometimes with love addiction it's so hard to explain that there are so many different aspects, there's so many different of that personality that can come out at one time. I can go anorexic, I can become obsessive, I can want to flirt an intrigue and it's like, I don't know each day what that character defect will flare up or that behavior will want to act out. So how you just said that, I hope it explained to the listeners that this can come in all forms. It's not just one way. [0:14:01] Rachel: It's a daily reprieve. Right. One day at a time. I choose to show up as a sober woman that's connected to something greater than myself. And without that spiritual practice, that foundation that I choose into every morning, I'm liable to be right back in that car five years ago, finding the telephone pole or digging into my partner's phone records or something. Yeah. [0:14:34] Brianne Davis: Because we only have control over ourselves. We don't have control over the person. Love addiction is you're addicted to a person. So they're human. They're going to have their flaws. My husband's going to trigger me sometimes, and I'm going to be like, See you. In other days. I'm going to be like, I love you, but that's okay. I have to do the inner work. So I stay connected and an authentic person. [0:14:57] Rachel: Yeah. And it has nothing to do with them. If I'm getting triggered by something someone else is doing, it's a gift to me to look at what value or belief that is toxic is arising and doing the work to get in there and rewrite that. This human projected all of the magical qualities that I wanted and a dad and a best friend and a partner and a brother. I mean, he fit every single mold of who I would have wanted to be kept safe by. So I was constantly lefting after that safety from somebody else. And then envy strikes a chord with me growing up, triangulating with other women. So the envy of, I don't want her to have what I want, you can't have it, but I can. So triangulating with men, particularly this one, who would, if at all possible, find the next available woman in whatever room we're in to create that dynamic with. [0:15:57] Brianne Davis: Wow. So you would walk into a room and that dynamic. Another woman would be, like, psychologically chosen, and you would play out that dynamic. [0:16:07] Rachel: Almost every time I was in a space with him. [0:16:11] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Can you name one incident that happened? [0:16:14] Rachel: Yeah, this activity we were participating in. I walked in one day, and there was a woman in the space that walked by. The space. [0:16:29] Brianne Davis: I just simply walked by, just walked. [0:16:31] Rachel: By, walking her dog. And I saw him walk across the room, look out the window, and then within 24 hours, they were having lunch together. And by day three, I confronted him straight up, and he was like, yeah. What? There was no proof. I had no proof that anything had happened. But my gut was like, up. Here we go again. She fits the mold of what he's after, and we were off to the races. And it's not just jealousy for me. It's the idea of creating situations where I'll be abandoned. [0:17:09] Brianne Davis: Right. That you'll always be like the less than one. Yeah. And I seem like I used to do that, to have a greater than less than with women in different ways. So when you're talking about it's like, oh, I always was either one up or one below a woman with somebody. You know what I mean? But that was your instinct, that you trusted your instinct. There was something inside of you, because lots of people just ignore that. Him looking out a window with a woman. Yeah, but you saw it and then you called it out, which I'm like, that never happens. [0:17:45] Rachel: Well, I guess it never happens, but the fact that I was calling it out was so that I could be right about being rejected or abandoned. And it's funny because even even after that relationship ended and I really got into the work, I would talk about walking into a room and scanning for who's the prettiest person in the room versus am I the prettiest girl in the room? So that I could assert control and power to be safe. Like, there was a very young part of me that just wanted to be safe everywhere that I went. And what I realized is that it had nothing to do with him. It was just another opportunity to play out the story that I'm not safe. [0:18:25] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. That's like Mike drop information that no matter what it was, it was just you setting up that scenario in your head. [0:18:35] Rachel: Yeah. So the good old cerny prayer that's the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. And it's crazy and feel like a magician sometimes, but when I take ownership and I am in ownership of my own behaviors, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, sensations, inner dialogue, no shit, my reality changes. [0:19:01] Brianne Davis: Yeah. It's really 100% when I let go of wanting to have control out of anything outside of myself and just have responsibility for myself. It's so free. [0:19:15] Rachel: Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, there's been times where I've been in a relationship where I'm like, this person is an alcoholic. They are an alcoholic. I've taken their inventory, and when I took off the magnifying the magnifying glass and picked up the mirror, within a week or two, that person wasn't drinking anymore. They did not have a problem with alcohol. It wasn't even an issue. And it was like, when I really show up and stay on my side of the street, everything I want to. [0:19:46] Brianne Davis: Manifest, manifest my gosh, I almost have chill bumps right now. I mean, I am having them a little bit. You should see my arm people. [0:19:54] Rachel: You get it. [0:19:56] Brianne Davis: But here's my next question. So having this secret relationship, secret like, pattern with this 18 year old guy, who do you think that benefited and who do you think it harmed? [0:20:14] Rachel: There are so many benefits and so many harms. I would say the harms were subconscious on both of our parts, and the benefits were intentional. You know, like, he learned things from me about life that he never would have learned if he hadn't met me. And there are things I learned about life that I never would have learned if I'd never met him. And I would say that that relationship saved my life or gave me the opportunity to create my life. I often refer to that relationship as, like, I was living in black or white and was forced to go into or chose to go into an emergency room. And when I walked out of the emergency room into the real world again, all I could see was color. And it was like, Holy shit. How have I been missing the taste of things? How have I been missing the color of things? I can feel and hear sound in a way that I never have before because all of my focus was on black or white before. So I benefited massively from that relationship as detrimental and traumatizing and scary and uncomfortable and juicy for a lack of better work. [0:21:33] Brianne Davis: But here's the thing, and I think this is for me, too. Sometimes the darkest situation and the darkest relationship has seen it for what it was and then moving out of it like you're saying and seeing color, that you actually step out of that horrible fantasy and into reality. And I think I used to think a relationship is what gave the world color, but that's not true. Do you know what I mean? I was so worried about losing that high of dramatic relationship, but really that's not living in truth. That's living in black and white is what you're saying. [0:22:19] Rachel: Yeah. It's also another way I like to look at it is I no longer I have bumpers on my life. Now I know if I get too high, I hit a ceiling instead of going even further than I would have. And sometimes living within those bumpers or value systems or boundaries. Or boundaries, my favorite word guidelines for my life. There's a little part that's sad that knows what the experience of being high or extremely low feels like. And sometimes life doesn't offer that same level of it's like eating candy or having a meal. I choose to eat meals now instead of binging on candy or soda all day and looking back and going, dude, candy was fun, and going, yeah, okay, I saw what life was like that, and I got really sick. [0:23:15] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying there's not a little like, oh, that part of my life is over. And then you see somebody doing it, like a friend or somebody, and you're like, that was fun, but you know where that fun leads. [0:23:30] Rachel: You know, we're good and fast. [0:23:34] Brianne Davis: And you were hitting that telephone pole. [0:23:37] Rachel: Yeah, I know that it leads to a hijacking experience, and I'm just not willing to put myself through that. But did it benefit me to go through that at such a young age? Yeah. I mean, I'm seeing people that are in their sometimes 70s who have never even acknowledged that they've been living decades this way. So for me, I feel grateful to have, I would say, course correct in my life. Choosing to get on a path of reality and ownership at an early age. [0:24:11] Brianne Davis: I love that. Oh my God, you are dropping so many bombs today. For me, I just needed to hear them. But I do have one last question. If somebody is in a type of relationship that has a lot of drama, that's not stable, that they're not really happy with, but they're addicted to, what would be your advice to them? [0:24:34] Rachel: First and foremost, I would say some people can exist in those relationships and it's fine. I couldn't. So the question I would ask is, like, is your life unmanageable? Is your emotional life unmanageable? Make a list of the things that you're powerless over in this relationship. And then I would have them write out what their vision is, what do they want in relationship? And I would have them hold those two lists together and say, like, are these two things matching up? Is it time to do something about it? And then every person I mean, twelve step isn't right for everybody. It's not fit for everybody. [0:25:07] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I agree. It's not. [0:25:09] Rachel: There's transformational tools, there's leadership tools, there's twelve step tools, there's therapy, there's holistic tools. There's all kinds of ways to move from dysfunction to thriving, from surviving to thriving. And the one thing I will say is if you are in a space of losing your mind, you're not alone. There's somebody probably on your block that's having the same exact experience for some different reason or maybe even the same one. So pick up the phone and call somebody and that secrets will keep you sick. The sooner you can let it go and let it out and find a safe space to do that. I'm sure Brian would be willing to be a safe space for anybody knowing that that's what she's up to here. Reach out. [0:25:57] Brianne Davis: Reach out. And that is where we're going to end. So if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 18 Nov 2024 | Our Biggest Struggle is Our Strongest Asset | 00:13:24 | |
In this compelling episode of the Secret Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt tackles the profound idea that our greatest struggles can become our most valuable assets. Drawing from her own journey through recovery and self-discovery, Brianne shares how hitting rock bottom was the catalyst for finding her true purpose. She invites listeners to reflect on their own lives, urging them to confront the fears and challenges that hold them back. Brianne delves into the complexities of addiction and trauma, emphasizing the importance of doing the core work necessary for healing. She recounts her own transformation from a successful actor to a therapist and author, revealing how surrendering to her struggles led her to a Life of service and fulfillment. Through vivid storytelling and raw honesty, Brianne encourages listeners to consider what they are unwilling to let go of and how facing these issues could unlock their true potential. This episode is a powerful reminder that embracing our darkest moments can illuminate our path to purpose. It's a must-listen for anyone feeling stuck or searching for meaning in their life. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 03 May 2021 | Natalie: Secrets Led Me To Prison 5 Times | 00:40:01 | |
After sexual abuse, teenage rape, suicide attempt, drug abuse, imprisonment, toxic relationships and chronic pain condition, Natalie now a self-esteem and relationship coach shares about how she managed to overcome the trauma and learned to love herself back to life. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction or depression, we've compiled a list of resources on the Secret Life Website: https://secretlifepodcast.com To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com ______ Website: https://natalierussell.uk ______ To find out more information about Brianne's book Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict, check out the website: https://secretlifenovel.com or At Amazon HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt)
Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 12 Dec 2022 | Josie: I’m Doing IVF Treatments, But Now I’m On The Fence About It | 00:29:11 | |
We explore the often overlooked and complex topic of longing for a baby. We discuss the struggles of couples who have been together for a long time and haven't been able to conceive, and identify the difficulties in expressing such a deep desire. We talk about the various options couples can explore to increase their chances of having a baby, as well as the importance of being honest with each other about your desires. Ultimately, this podcast serves to remind us that even when the odds don't seem to be in your favor, there is still hope. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. _____ To share your secret and be a guest on the show, email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ This month's sponsor - OMGYes - Check out their site for more info: OMGYes _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) TranscriptTranscript [0:00:00] Josie: I don't know if I'm just protecting myself because we've been together for so long and it's never happened and I feel like it's not going to happen. So I don't want to say out loud how much I want to have a baby, if that makes sense. [0:00:20] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, secret Life of a Hollywood sex and love Addict. A four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm brienne. Davis. Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. [0:01:12] Brianne Davis: You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really. The how, the what, the when, the where and the why of it all. Today. My guest is Josie. Now, Josie, I have a question for you. Dun, dun, dun... what is your secret? [0:01:35] Josie: My secret is I have been going through IVF treatments and I'm kind of on the fence about if I actually want to do this or not. [0:01:46] Brianne Davis: Really? How long have you been going through this? [0:01:51] Josie: So my husband and I have been married for ten years and what's funny is when I first met him, like I was baby crazy. I wanted to have baby so bad. He's younger than I am, so he wasn't ready. And now in the last five years or so, things have kind of reversed and he's the one who's really baby crazy. I'm kind of over it. I don't know if I'm just protecting myself because we've been together for so long and it's never happened and I feel like it's not going to happen. So I don't want to say out loud how much I want to have a baby, if that makes sense. Or I don't know if it's just like now I'm in my feel like, who the hell wants to have a kid in their forty s? And I was thinking my kid is going to be six years older, maybe in my 50s. Like, oh my God, it sounds awful. Yeah. [0:02:42] Brianne Davis: No, I get it. And I feel like the reason I wanted to have you on and I'm just saying it, we are friends and you haven't really disclosed this and I remember you talked about it a couple of times and I have a kid now and it's like I never wanted a kid. And you did when we were talking a long time ago. And how did that you've been going through this journey and how long have you been doing IVF and what's the process been like. [0:03:14] Josie: So we started IBF and egg retrieval and all that about two and a half years ago. [0:03:22] Brianne Davis: And it was like around the time we met. [0:03:25] Josie: Yes. And I was kind of okay with doing it. My husband really wanted to have children, and I felt like, well, I think I'd be a good mom. I'm a great dog mom. [0:03:40] Brianne Davis: Hey, that's important. Dogs prepare you for motherhood. [0:03:45] Josie: It's so funny. I've heard that. And then when you tell that to people who have children, they're like, it's nothing like it. [0:03:50] Brianne Davis: Well, it is nothing like it, but it prepares you to be responsible for another human being, but it's a whole other level, right? [0:03:58] Josie: Yeah. And then you and I have talked about this when I first met you, and you weren't really crazy about having children, and look at you now. So I'm kind of wondering and I know I'm your guest, but I'm kind of wondering how's that with you having a child and you weren't baby crazy your whole life. [0:04:15] Brianne Davis: Well, here's the thing, and that's why I wanted to talk to you about it. We both come from such different perspectives. I never wanted a child, and then finally when I decided to have a child, I'm older, too, and when he's ten, I'm going to be almost 50. And I'm exhausted. Girls. I'm exhausted. And we're old parents. So a part of me, when you're saying, I don't want to be 40 something or 50 when I have a six year old, I'm going ding, ding, ding. Yes, it's exhausting. But I also am really glad I did it because it's given me a bigger purpose in life. But then at the same time, girl, like, I brought a child into this crazy world that I have. It's just out of control. And I'm like, I can't believe I brought a child into this world. [0:05:15] Josie: And that's the other thing. Like, would you really want to bring a child into this crazy world right now? Especially, it's not as if we would just accidentally get pregnant. It's kind of a plan thing. And I think when you start thinking, you just think too much about it. It's not the right time. What's it going to be like when you have to put so much thought into it? It's really scary because you're making that decision to, I just I'm going to do this, and you're putting a lot. [0:05:43] Brianne Davis: Of money into it. I mean, how much is the IVF? Can you tell me that? [0:05:47] Josie: So I'm in Canada, we're 20 grand in and they were able to get twelve eggs, and only a certain amount, like live, and then out of the seven that lived, only one is a good embryo for implantation. So it's also disappointing, right? I'm in my have twelve eggs. I'm like, holy crap, I'm amazing. I got twelve eggs as a woman. [0:06:11] Brianne Davis: Because they tell you at what, 30, 35, that you're drying up pretty much yeah. [0:06:18] Josie: You know what they said to me? They said to me, you would be a geriatric pregnancy. I almost died. I swear to God. I'm like, you guys need to come up with a better fucking name than geriatric pregnancy. [0:06:31] Brianne Davis: That's just mean. That's actually abusive to a woman. [0:06:35] Josie: I feel my gosh saying that in front of my younger husband. I was like, oh, my gosh, this is awful. So if there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of disappointment. You get excited, you have all these eggs, and then a lot of them don't survive. And then when they do survive, when they put in the sperm, they don't actually survive. And so only one of them is good. So we have one shot. That's it. [0:07:05] Brianne Davis: You're doing it again. Have you done? [0:07:08] Josie: No, we're doing it in December, so it's coming up. [0:07:12] Brianne Davis: So are you feeling right now, like, all this pressure? [0:07:16] Josie: Yeah, honestly, like I was saying, I don't know if I'm just trying to talk myself out of getting excited because I only have this one shot. I'm like, I just kind of want to get it over with. I want to just know once and for all, I'm either going to have a kid or I'm not. This is it. This being in limbo is so exhausting, emotionally draining, because you don't know. And I think that if I was to know, I'll never be able to have kids, I could deal with it. But the not knowing if this is going to work or not is exhausting. [0:07:46] Brianne Davis: Oh, it's completely exhausting. I feel you. And I kind of want to go back to when you were younger. And I know this is going to be a really weird question and you don't have to answer it, but were you always one of those females that was scared of getting pregnant or over? I remember when I first started having sex, I was like, I can't get pregnant. It was like doomsday. [0:08:11] Josie: Not at all. All I ever wanted was to be a mom. I used to go on first dates with guys and I'd be like, I want to be a stay at home mom. [0:08:23] Brianne Davis: When did you lose your virginity? [0:08:27] Josie: I was 18, I think. [0:08:29] Brianne Davis: Oh, girl, I started way earlier than you. I'm like, wow, I don't even want to say my age when I lost my virginity. Oh, my God. [0:08:37] Josie: That'll be your secret that we have to get out of you. [0:08:40] Brianne Davis: Well, it's all safe. It was 13, girl. [0:08:43] Josie: Oh, my gosh. [0:08:44] Brianne Davis: I know we are really young in the south. Sorry if you're Southern and you disagree with me, but I started very early, and when I finally decided to get pregnant and we got pregnant, I lost that child. The first child. I had a miscarriage when I was working on the show and I talked to you about it, and then this anger came up where I was like, this whole time I was trying to not get pregnant. And when I tried to finally get pregnant, it didn't really happen. So I was so angry at God. Do you feel that or no, I. [0:09:23] Josie: Mean, I do feel that. When you're young, everyone is just like, don't have sex. You'll get pregnant, it's so easy. But in actuality, it's like there's two good days or something crazy like that. [0:09:34] Brianne Davis: I think it's one, isn't it? [0:09:36] Josie: Like one good day? Yeah, something like that. I'm just like, oh my God. I think it's good that they scare the hell out of you when you're a kid, but when you're actually trying and you find out there's only one or two good days, it's like, holy crap. It's really difficult. And as you get older, it's even more difficult. And then as you get older, you get used to the way that you lived your life. Not being selfish because I'm definitely not a selfish person. [0:10:01] Brianne Davis: No, you're like the least selfish person I know. [0:10:05] Josie: I mean, I put my dog first and I live for my dog and my family and so not in that way, but it's just you just get used to the way that you live and getting up and going to the gym if you want and just different. So it gets harder to give that up, I think. [0:10:21] Brianne Davis: Yeah, because girl, you would be giving it all up. I'm telling you. Even going to the bathroom, you give up. I was like, oh my God, I finally have to go to the bathroom after 2 hours because I'm just dealing with feeding my son, getting his stuff ready. Because as a mom, we give up so much. [0:10:41] Josie: And that's the thing. People say it's worth it, but is it really worth it? You can't say no because you have a child. And women will never say like, oh God, I wish I didn't have a kid. [0:10:54] Brianne Davis: No, but I've had moments at night, especially during this period of time where I've been like, why did I have a child now? And why did I bring him into this crazy world and what was I thinking? But then when he turns and looks at you and smiles, it's like my heart is like melts. So it's this I hate and I love relationship all at the same time. [0:11:19] Josie: Yeah, I get that. [0:11:22] Brianne Davis: And lots of moms don't talk about that, but that's the truth. [0:11:25] Josie: Lots of moms I think I see patients in a day and I see a lot of people and they're all women. And I've only one time had someone tell me that she wishes she wouldn't have had kids. [0:11:38] Brianne Davis: And what did that feel for you, everything you've been going through? [0:11:43] Josie: I mean, it was scary because I was thinking, what if I'm doing all of this and I'm going to feel like she does? Why did I go and screw up my life? That's just easy. My life is so easy, right? I get up when I want. Well, not really, because I go to work, but you don't have to get up, and you get up when your alarm goes off, not when a baby cries. You just kind of do your own thing. So I'm also scared, what if this works? And I'm like, oh shit, why did I do this? [0:12:14] Brianne Davis: Because you might have that feeling, honestly. And you'll have days when you have that feeling and then days when you don't have that feeling. [0:12:22] Josie: Right. [0:12:23] Brianne Davis: Are you feeling all this pressure from society too? As a woman? [0:12:27] Josie: Not so much, because I feel like a lot of women aren't having children or having children later in life. I do feel a lot of pressure from my husband who really wants to have kids, and I feel like I can't give him that and it's very difficult. I also think he's younger than I am. He could decide in ten years, well, you know what, I was okay with not having kids, but now I'm not anymore and just leave, which is that could happen, and who am I to take that away from him? If he really wants to have kids and I can't do that, then of course he should go out and get what he wants. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. [0:13:05] Brianne Davis: No, I understand. [0:13:08] Josie: It's a lot of pressure, for sure. [0:13:10] Brianne Davis: Have you guys discussed adopting? Maybe? [0:13:16] Josie: I don't think it's something that I would want to do at this time anyway. Neither would he. [0:13:23] Brianne Davis: Oh, so you have talked about it and it's just not something you're interested? [0:13:28] Josie: Yeah, not right now. We decided if it's not going to work, we'll be dog parents for now. And he says I'm crazy if I think that in ten years from now is going to change his mind. But let's be honest, I mean, it can happen, right? [0:13:43] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I mean, men can have children until they're 65 or something. At least like 75 on their deathbeds. [0:13:50] Josie: Oh my gosh. [0:13:51] Brianne Davis: I know. It seems so not fair they should be the one on birth control and stuff. They're the ones that can pregnant more people than us. [0:14:01] Josie: So yeah, it's been a lot of pressure. [0:14:04] Brianne Davis: So how long were you guys actually trying to have children until you hit the IVF journey? [0:14:12] Josie: Well, we've never used birth control. I've never used birth control. We've never really tried to get pregnant when we were first dating or together, but we also didn't take the precautions and we never got pregnant. So realistically trying, I'd say about five or six years. And then we've been doing the IVF thing for the last couple of years, which by the way, was a nightmare of those hormones. Oh my gosh, yes. [0:14:42] Brianne Davis: Take me through that process. So our listeners and if anybody else is going through it, they don't feel like they're the only ones. What is that process like? [0:14:51] Josie: So you're injecting yourself every single day. Your hormones are all over the place. You're crying, you're happy, or just you're super bloated. It almost looks like you're pregnant, which is kind of freaky. I was getting really bad headaches, which was really bad. [0:15:09] Brianne Davis: I was getting those during when I was pregnant, my headaches were terrible. [0:15:14] Josie: And that's the thing. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can take. Right. So you're just suffering. It's awful. [0:15:22] Brianne Davis: Oh, yeah. The first trimester, I was pregnant, I was nauseous. Twenty four seven. And I had a headache and I was working. Right. [0:15:34] Josie: You're probably not telling anyone you're pregnant. [0:15:36] Brianne Davis: No. [0:15:37] Josie: Right. [0:15:38] Brianne Davis: Especially if you've lost a child, you don't tell anyone. You're like exactly. And I almost went through that thing where you said, december is coming up, and you're going to try, and there's a part of you that doesn't want to get excited or talk about it or anything because you don't want to put that pressure on yourself. [0:15:56] Josie: Exactly. [0:15:57] Brianne Davis: When I got pregnant, again, that pressure of like, oh, my God, if this works out, what if it doesn't work out? [0:16:05] Josie: Did your husband feel that, too? I wonder if that's more just us women who put that pressure on us. [0:16:12] Brianne Davis: I'm not sure that's a good question to ask him. I think he was more worried about how I was feeling, that he didn't really think about how he was feeling. He's kind of like you. He's the nicer one in the relationship. [0:16:28] Josie: He is great. Yeah, he's a great guy. But I wonder if it's pressure that we women put on ourselves or if they feel the same thing. If they feel, like, as much of a loss as we do, if they feel as much pressure as we do. I wonder. [0:16:45] Brianne Davis: Well, I know for me, I felt like something was broken inside of me. God wasn't going to allow me to have that. And so something must be broken inside of me. Does that ever come up for you? [0:17:02] Josie: I mean, I feel like less than a woman for not being able to give my husband a child. You hear some women who are like, oh, we got pregnant the first try. It's just so frustrating. And then as a woman, like, you want to give your husband a child. Right. You want to have a child with your husband. And if you can't do that, it's hard because you feel like there's something wrong with you. [0:17:27] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Like you aren't doing what your body is made to do. [0:17:32] Josie: Exactly. [0:17:33] Brianne Davis: And I think it's a biological thing where we put it on ourselves that my body is supposed to do this, and it's not, and something's wrong with me. [0:17:45] Josie: So, yeah, it's a lot of pressure. It actually feels nice to talk about it because no one at my work or friends knew that I was going through IVF. Even my mom, who I talk to every single day, I didn't tell her until after the egg retrieval that we were doing it just because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for us. I don't want anyone like, how's it go? Asking, and it doesn't work. And then you have to go into this whole story about how you did IVF, and it didn't work. It's just like so it's something that I was just going through by myself, really, with my husband. [0:18:21] Brianne Davis: That has to be so hard. That has to be so hard because I know what the hormones do. And you're injecting yourselves with more hormones to, like, every morning. How many times a day did you have to do it? [0:18:36] Josie: I'm trying to think. I think it was morning and night. Oh, my gosh, my stomach was so bruised. And then you run out of places where you can inject, and it's bruised, and you have to inject, and that bruise, and it's just oh, my gosh. But I did one round of it, and I don't know how women do this more than once. Maybe some react differently, but to put your body through that, and it's like a roller coaster ride. I feel for people who do a few of them. Right. [0:19:08] Brianne Davis: Yeah, no, I have a friend that I think did it three times, and she said it was brutal. It was brutal to her body. It has to be. [0:19:18] Josie: Did she finally have a baby? [0:19:20] Brianne Davis: Yes, she's had two. [0:19:22] Josie: Oh, wow. Yeah, that's good. Yes. [0:19:26] Brianne Davis: And I have another friend that did it, and it worked. And it's just like it's such a crap shoot. It's not like you definitely do it and it works. It would be much easier if that was the case. Right. [0:19:36] Josie: And it would be a lot easier to spend $20,000 if they were to say it's $20,000, but we will try as many times as it takes. But it's not it's $20,000, and it's a gamble, but it's something that he really wanted to do. I think if it would have been just up to me, I wouldn't have done the whole IVF thing. No, I think I would have just said, it's not in the cards, and that's that. But yeah. When did you even know if he knows this? I don't even know if he knows that. I wouldn't have done it because I. [0:20:12] Brianne Davis: Didn'T even know that. Because you didn't even share that with me. So what made you decide, other than him? Like, you just stepped into the position. [0:20:23] Josie: Or it was just for him. Wow. If it would have been just up to me, I never would have done it. I would have just said, it's not in the cards, and it is what it is, and let's move on. But for him, he wanted to try everything to try and get pregnant, and if that didn't work, then he would be okay with not having kids, but he's not okay with not trying everything to have a baby, if that makes sense. [0:20:50] Brianne Davis: Yeah, that makes sense. But I want to ask you, because we talked about earlier. You would go on dates after you lost your virginity, 18, and you would say, I want to be a stay at home mom. When was that decision made that you are okay not having kids? Do you remember? Was there a moment? [0:21:11] Josie: I don't think there was a specific moment. I think it just didn't happen. I didn't get pregnant. So now I started focusing more on work and other things and started I don't know if it's convincing myself that I don't want it. I don't know if it's just when you know that something is not going to work, you're just like, I didn't want it anyway. So I don't know if I'm just protecting myself by saying that, which is part of me thinks that's what it is. Because I'm telling you, all I ever wanted was to be a mom when I was growing up. [0:21:47] Brianne Davis: That actually makes me very angry as a woman for you. I almost feel guilty, I have to say, because I never wanted to be a mom, right? I have a child and you've always wanted to be a mom, and you don't have a child. And I'm only saying this because I want to start crying, because it's like, why is that okay? [0:22:18] Josie: Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe it's just not in the cards. Who knows? God has a plan, right? Who knows? Maybe it's just not meant to be. And I'm not going to be one of those women who's going to say, like, I'm going to do this IVF thing, like ten times, as many times as it takes to get what I want. I mean, if it's just not going to work, it's not going to work. I'm not going to put myself through it. Right? And then you move on. You got to focus on something else. [0:22:45] Brianne Davis: Wow, you are so much more evolved than me. I would be angry at God because that's my thing, or I would be like, envious of the other women or friends that have children, only I'm just. [0:23:00] Josie: Full of shit and pretending that I don't want it and that I don't care because I know that it's not going to happen. So I'm just like, fuck it, I didn't want it anyway. [0:23:10] Brianne Davis: You're self protecting. You're like rejecting it before it rejects you. Exactly. [0:23:15] Josie: I'm going to dump you first. [0:23:17] Brianne Davis: Exactly. And you're at home, like, throwing darts at my face like you caught me. [0:23:26] Josie: The secrets out. [0:23:29] Brianne Davis: No, but I'm just saying I feel like that's so brave that you just said what you said. Maybe there is a small part inside of you that is self protecting and trying to reject it before you get rejected. [0:23:44] Josie: I think that probably is it. Especially since all I ever wanted was to be a mom. What's changed? I don't know what's changed other than the fact that it didn't happen. So I'm probably just protecting myself. But I feel like the heartbreak will be not as severe if I'm saying this right, as opposed to, like, I really want it so bad and then it doesn't happen, then what? [0:24:10] Brianne Davis: Do you think you can honestly protect yourself from that? [0:24:14] Josie: I don't know. Probably not. I mean, we have one embryo, so it's like that's it one shot. It hardly ever happens in the first try. I don't think I know of any women that have gotten pregnant with the first five DF try, but I just honestly just want to get it over with, do it and move on. [0:24:40] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:24:41] Josie: Because I feel like it's been looming. [0:24:44] Brianne Davis: Yeah, no, it has. And it's like the whole process, like you said, you've been planning this process, and it's dragged out, and it's like, can we just do it already so I know what my future holds? [0:24:55] Josie: Exactly. [0:24:58] Brianne Davis: And I guess the thing we can do or you can do, I feel, is like, turn it over as best as you can, which it sounds like you are as best as you can. [0:25:07] Josie: I mean, it's whatever meant to be is going to happen, so I don't think I have much control over it. [0:25:13] Brianne Davis: Well, here's my question for you. How has it felt keeping this journey to yourself? And who do you think that has benefited? And who do you think it's harmed? [0:25:27] Josie: It's probably benefited me because I don't have to talk about it and have people feel sorry for me. Who has it harmed? Maybe other women who are going through this. I think it's important to share stories because then we can help each other. But I also don't want the pity, and if it's not going to work, I don't want the questions of, oh, have you tried it? Did you do it? Did it not take? I just don't want to deal with it. So I think it's protecting myself, for sure. [0:26:04] Brianne Davis: And if someone is listening right now and they're going through the same situation you are, what would be your advice for them? [0:26:12] Josie: Probably have one person that you can talk to and turn to who can give you advice, whoever that person may be, other than your spouse. Because I don't feel like they really get it. They don't get the hormones. They're not women. Right. So they don't get the house. [0:26:26] Brianne Davis: They don't get any of it. [0:26:28] Josie: I have no clue. They have it so easy. [0:26:32] Brianne Davis: I know. I told my husband that literally, I'm like, you didn't have to do anything. [0:26:38] Josie: Nothing, really? They do nothing. It's brutal. It's so unfair. But I think I would just find one person who's your shoulder to cry on. Yeah. [0:26:48] Brianne Davis: Because I have to tell you, being alone in any hardship makes it so isolating. [0:26:54] Josie: I feel that's true. I've always been like that, though. Something's bothering me. I keep to myself, and I just kind of shut down. So that's probably not the best thing to do. [0:27:09] Brianne Davis: But yeah, because when we hung out, I had no idea you were going through all that. [0:27:17] Josie: I know. [0:27:18] Brianne Davis: And you had a smile on your face. It's not like you were like, a little down and I was like, what's going on? Are you having a bad day? No clue. And I feel like as women, we should be able to, like, rip that mask off and say, this is what's happening. Don't ask me about it, or, I don't want your pity, but this shit sucks, right? [0:27:43] Josie: Yeah. I mean, that could have been a better way to deal with it, for sure. [0:27:48] Brianne Davis: Well, I am so grateful for your friendship. I'm so grateful you shared this story. I know how hard it was and the secret with me, and I'm just beyond grateful. [0:27:59] Josie: Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm going to go throw darts at your face now. No, but I think I actually never feel angry or hurt or anything like that when other women have children because I just think that's great and that was in the cards for them. Yeah. So I think you're a great mom and I'm so happy for you guys. Thank you. [0:28:26] Brianne Davis: And you're a much better person. He is. He is really cute, but you are a much better person than me, girl. [0:28:34] Josie: Well, I will take that. Thank you so much. [0:28:37] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate, share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 05 Jun 2023 | Rebecca Pt. 1: I Slept With Tom Sandoval Too #Scandoval | 00:40:40 | |
Sex, Love, Addiction, and Reality TV: The Toxic Relationships of Vanderpump Rules — Rebecca was deep in her alcohol and sex & love addiction 18 years ago when she met Tom Sandavol at a Hollywood house party, and they slept together. Despite the fact, they both were in relationships. In the latest episode of Secret Life, host Brianne Davis teams up with guest Rebecca to delve deep into the intricate and toxic relationships portrayed on Bravo's Vanderpump Rules. Their critical and insightful analysis sheds light on the complex patterns of behavior and underlying issues at play, specifically focusing on the tumultuous love affair between Tom's narcissistic tendencies and Ariana. By examining the emotional dynamics and uncovering the nuances often overlooked by society, the podcast offers a serious exploration of the complexities of human relationships. From Tom and Raquel's affair to Ariana's missing the red flags, Secret Life dissects the frustrations of recovered sex and love addicts who feel that society fails to grasp the intricacies of these situations. Whether you're a devoted fan of the show or simply intrigued by the intricate dance between sex and love addiction, this thought-provoking podcast is a must-listen. Check out the 40 Sex & Love Addiction Questionnaire for yourself: https://slaafws.org/40-questions/ For more information about Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous: https://slaafws.org/ _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript Brianne 0:00:00 Okay? So I know everything that's going on, and I just have to say to all the listeners, I don't do pop culture. I don't deal with that kind of shit. But this story, and I know you agreed with me, is so frustrating from a recovered sex and love addict that nobody's calling this shit, that they both are sex and love addicts. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict. A four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. You'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really, the how, what, when, where, and why of it all. Oh, my God. Today. My guest is Rebecca. Now, Rebecca, I have a question for you. Don't. Don't. Don't. What is your secret? Rebecca 0:01:31 I had a one-night stand with Tom Sandoval 18 years ago when he had a girlfriend. Brianne 0:01:38 Son of a nutcracker. He's been doing it for a long time. Rebecca 0:01:42 Almost two decades. Brianne 0:01:44 Two decades. Okay, before we get into it, when did this happen? Where did it happen? What? Rebecca 0:01:51 Yeah, I know. So I met him originally in Miami. I lived in New York before, and I used to go to Miami a lot. And I want to say this was 2003 or 2004. Brianne 0:02:02 Okay. Rebecca 0:02:03 And I was drinking very heavily. Met him at a club. I was there with my sister. And I remember it's fuzzy because I was very, very drunk. Brianne 0:02:12 This is before I got sober and. Rebecca 0:02:14 I met him and a bunch of his friends at a club. And we thought he was cute, so we introduced ourselves, and then he said, Come hang out with us. And I remember him popping champagne bottles and spraying it, which he still does. Brianne 0:02:31 Wow. Yeah. Rebecca 0:02:33 And I don't remember who else was with him, but I know that he lived with Jax at the time, so. Brianne 0:02:37 He might have been there. Rebecca 0:02:38 I just don't remember. I didn't know him then, so we didn't hook up with him that night, but nothing happened. So then fast forward maybe a year, and at this point, me and my sister had moved to Los Angeles. And this is like, the height of my drinking. This is one of the most drunk nights I've ever had. Like, it sticks out as really out of control. Like, very out of control. And I went to a liquor store and I remember these guys coming in and thinking I was funny because I was drunk. And then they were like, do you want to go come to a house party with us? And like an idiot, I was like, sure. And I went to this house party. I don't know whose house it was, where it was, what part of town. Brianne 0:03:20 Like, no clue, no memory. Brianne 0:03:22 So scary. I'm so scared for you right now. Rebecca 0:03:25 I know, but it was like a legit, typical Hollywood house party with a couple of another reality star. So there was probably some celebrities or well known Hollywood people at this party. And I remember seeing Tom sort of remember and going up to him. I'm like, oh, it's Tom Sandoval. Where I met him. Miami. I remembered him because we thought he was really cute. And I guess I went up to him and was like, do you remember me and my sister? She looks like a lot like me. And he said yes. And then I guess we were talking, and I said something like, my sister thinks you're really hot. Can I bring you home to her? Brianne 0:04:06 We live together. Rebecca 0:04:07 Can I bring you home for her? Brianne 0:04:09 Like a present? Rebecca 0:04:11 Exactly. Brianne 0:04:13 Here's your party favorite. Enjoy. Okay. Rebecca 0:04:17 I remember going home, and me and. Brianne 0:04:20 My sister had lived together at the time, but she wasn't home for whatever reason. Rebecca 0:04:24 So I said something like, well, I can't let you go to waste. Brianne 0:04:29 Yeah, that's a line. Brianne 0:04:34 Yeah. Rebecca 0:04:35 He was completely unfazed by whoever, whatever. I was like, yeah, I can't let you go to waste, so do you want to go upstairs? And he was like, yeah, sure. I just remember thinking, okay, that was easy because at the time, I treated men like conquest, and I was very into male models. Since I had lived in New York, he was just another male model. So we went upstairs, did the deed. I sort of remember either. I told him first that I had a boyfriend. Brianne 0:05:04 Okay. Rebecca 0:05:05 He told me that he had a girlfriend, and it was very life, matter of fact. Brianne 0:05:08 No guilt about it. Rebecca 0:05:10 Just like, yeah, I have a girlfriend. Oh, yeah, I have a boyfriend. And then it was sort of right before the act. Brianne 0:05:16 Yeah. Rebecca 0:05:17 And then we did and it didn't take very long. Brianne 0:05:21 It didn't last very long. Rebecca 0:05:22 It wasn't very nothing to write home about, from what I remember. And then I guess I got his number because I gave it to my sister later, which is so weird and twisted. Brianne 0:05:31 So weird and twisted. Alcoholic. Yeah. Here, I just left with him. Your turn, CIS. Brianne 0:05:41 Yeah. Rebecca 0:05:41 I was like, sorry, life. You weren't home. But she didn't care, and so he left. And then I hadn't seen him since. I haven't talked to him. I didn't ever text him. Brianne 0:05:52 Okay. So I know everything that's going on, and I just have to say to all the listeners, I don't do pop culture. I don't deal with that kind of shit. But this story, and I know you agreed with me, it's so frustrating from a recovered sex and love addict that nobody's calling this shit, that they both are sex and love addicts. Brianne 0:06:16 Exactly. Brianne 0:06:18 It's so frustrating. And why did you reach out to me about it? Because I want to hear it from your point of view. Because you slept with him? Brianne 0:06:25 Yes, because I've been watching the show, obviously. And I actually started watching because I recognized him on the commercials after I slept with him. This was about I don't know, it was years before Vanderpump Rules. And the whole case just fascinated me for so many reasons, as it does pretty much the rest of America and so many other people beyond. And it's just so layered and it's so interesting why it's captivated so many people. Considering cheating is not an uncommon thing, especially on Bravo, especially on Vanderpump Rules. It's like what the show was based on. So I really wanted to share that aspect of it and talk about how this is a pattern life. He was just found out. But this is happening 18 years ago. And since then I got sober, I'm in slaa, I've identified as a sex and love addict. So I just see so many things that people are not really talking about. Brianne 0:07:27 Yeah, and society is missing. It's almost like a secret society is keeping from our human race, because the number one thing people want is love and affection and attention and intimacy. But majority of humans are terrified of it. So we go from person to person to person. Doesn't really even matter who they are, to get this need filled. And we're all just like running around like toddlers, wanting, giving, giving. And here's an example of two people willing to blow up their whole fucking life exactly. For that little thing where they think it's everything. It's that life. Roller coaster, intensity, passion. So let's break it down. So when you are watching it, and I know you've listened to a lot of other podcasts, I mean, JLo is talking about it like, JLo, that's crazy. Brianne 0:08:21 It's in Time Magazine, it's in Variety, it's in every major publication. It sort of transcended the Bravo and reality show universe. And there's a reason why I think it's relatable to so many people, but they can't quite put their finger on why. Brianne 0:08:36 Yeah. So what is other podcasts saying that's making you frustrated as a recovered sex and love addict? Brianne 0:08:42 I just don't think that they're touching on that aspect. I think they're more focused on it's, like black and white. It's a betrayal, obviously, but they're not going into the nuances of what Tom might be feeling or where he might be coming from, or what's going on with Raquel, what their histories and their childhoods might have been like. And one of the most interesting things about it is that Ariana, it turns out knew about Miami Girl and was protecting him. And there's just so many aspects about their relationship that I relate to in other relationships as well. Sort of the manipulation and the narcissism. Not to diagnose anyone, although it used to be a therapist. But there's just so many things that people are missing. I've heard a couple of podcasts coming at it from a psychological and intuitive empathic sort of way. But most of the podcasts are missing. Brianne 0:09:41 That well, they're just ragging on them. And listen, I'm speaking from a place where I was a cheater, cheated all the time, go from person to person, overlap them. So I'm coming in from and listen, I was a piece of shit. I will say that I was in my addiction. It was all about me. Selfish, self involved, fill me up, give me attention, give me what I need. In the moment the high wore off and the excitement, I would start looking for somebody else. Brianne 0:10:05 I'm familiar, right? Brianne 0:10:06 So I have no judgment on Tom. And then I also know, and you and I have talked about this before a long time ago. Well, not a long time ago, but when it came out, we said, listen, poor Ariana, she is the victim, but she also has a place when someone cheats, and I know a lot of people don't agree with me when someone cheats, it takes those two people in the relationship to actually make that happen. She avoided the red flags, she made excuses, she kept a secret, a huge. Brianne 0:10:40 Secret for seven years that lied about it. Rebecca 0:10:44 New women. Brianne 0:10:44 Yeah. So she missed those signs. And then when the intimacy is going away, which she said, our intimacy has been bad, when that starts to break, you're responsible to repair it. Brianne 0:11:00 Yes, and she said she tried, but we don't really know what happened. Brianne 0:11:06 Yeah, she should have. But here's the thing, then she could say, something's missing, something's going on, you're staying out late, you're not home, you're not spending that much time with me. Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag. Brianne 0:11:20 Yes. And we've all done it. We've all ignored red flags and wasted years doing that. And then we're blindsided and then we're like, what happened? But in hindsight, we can see all the red flags that were there and that we maybe willfully ignored. Brianne 0:11:35 So I did read something I Want to Tell you and see your take on it, that he's a narcissist. Listen, I had narcissistic tendencies. I'm not a narcissist, but I have them. And we're not saying he is. And then she did a post a while ago, raquel that she was going to codependency twelve step program Coda. And I was thinking it's not really a Coda situation because I pulled up some of the things is that you will still see a person that's destructive to you. So there's something in her. So that's like the questions. There's 40 questions in Flaw and one of them is, do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though that person is destructive to you? Brianne 0:12:20 Yeah. And she did this with James, too. I mean, James was destructive in a totally different way. But she seeks these men out that are very strong personalities and possible narcissists and manipulative. And they're very different in the way that they sort of abused her, but they both were pretty toxic for her. Brianne 0:12:42 Overwhelming. She loses her sense of self in the relationship. Brianne 0:12:47 Yes. And maybe she feels stronger having someone like that at her side because she's not strong on her own. She's kind of fascinating. She has a lot of oh, yeah. History. That she was adopted by her aunt. Brianne 0:13:05 Abandonment, rejection from her birth mom. Brianne 0:13:09 Yes. Even though she would probably deny it, because the way that she frames it is really interesting. She said something like, my birth mom was kind enough to give me to her sister, essentially because she couldn't conceive. And she framed it in a way that's a very pageant answer. And then the pageant is a whole that pageant world is a whole other animal where she competed against other women. Other women had this perfectionism, which is why I think a lot of times she seems rehearsed and very stoic and very put together, but there's nothing there. Brianne 0:13:49 Well, here's number 14 is, do you feel desperate for a lover or a future mate? It's like instead of going outside this group, she went inside the circle and saw, oh, here's they have a house, they have this. This is what I want. Oh, and he's like a rock star now. Because here's the other thing I want to say. One of the huge characteristics for sex and love addicts, and I love this characteristic, it's my favorite. But we assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them and then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations. And I believe both of them do that. Brianne 0:14:25 Both of them did that for him. He was the answer to his midlife crisis. She made him feel seen. She made him feel special. Brianne 0:14:37 Yes, you heard and validated. Brianne 0:14:41 She's very different than Ariana. Ariana will tell it like it is, and she will just be heart eyes and just very admiring of him. And that's what he needed at that time. If he is a narcissist, that's what he's going to want. He's going to want someone admiring. But does she really see him? I don't know. Brianne 0:15:03 No, she doesn't. So that's the thing. Even when they're talking to each other, because you and I just looked at some of the reunion, even when they were in that winnebago or away from the set, they were talking to each other. It's almost like they weren't even seeing each other. It was really interesting to watch. It was like their eyes were glazed over. So it's almost this false form of intimacy that I was seeing that they didn't even seem like they actually knew each other or that they've had sex before. Even when people I used to work as an actor, I go on set and I would know who's fucking who life. You're fucking the hair person, you're with the extra. You're doing this because you can feel that energy. But something in them, and it wasn't because the cameras were on them, because you can still see it. Because we could see it before. There's something where they used each other for false intimacy and it's actually not there. Brianne 0:15:58 Yeah, they don't really do that, too. I did. I mean, both scenes that we saw of them together, pretty much everyone is saying that it was weird, it was awkward. And I'm sure most people chalked it up to and they could chalk it up to there's cameras there. But yeah, I didn't see the connection, the intimacy, the love. Brianne 0:16:16 But they've had cameras for a long time, so they're used to cameras. It's not like somebody new. Brianne 0:16:21 Yeah, but it was a secret that was being exposed and finally filmed. And so I'm sure they didn't know how to act, but I didn't see any connection or intimacy, literally. Brianne 0:16:32 Could you see them having an affair for seven months? I did not feel that intimacy at all. It was almost like evaporates. And I think that's what I wanted to say to you, too, and see if you agree, is when we love secrets and lies, the dirtier, the dark, we get to fester in secrets and lies. And when it comes to light, it never lives up to the fantasy. Brianne 0:16:56 You could see that the magic was gone, the bubble was burst. You could see that in the trailer. It's like, oh, consequences. Now it's real life, and we're not in this little secret, exciting, forbidden bubble anymore. Now everyone else is involved and it's ugly and it's real life. And like Ariana even said, wait till she starts having real demands and expectations of a girlfriend. She's not going to be so cool and exciting then. And that was Ariana's experience. It's the same pattern repeated. Brianne 0:17:31 Yeah. And listen, Ariana could have a little love addict in her. And I believe most of society has this because we all yearn to be loved. But I wanted to read this characteristic. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts. Brianne 0:17:51 Absolutely. Brianne 0:17:52 I mean, how many stories have we I've heard much more stories about him. Been cheating a lot. Like 1112 people. So this is something where he's going into we call it relocating, where you go to other locations and you find people to intrigue with or flirt with or hook up with, and then you leave them there. Brianne 0:18:16 Yeah. Brianne 0:18:20 Sorry. Brianne 0:18:21 No, that's okay. This is 18 years ago, and he had a girlfriend then. And then the next time I saw him, he was with Kristen. That was five or six years they lived together. Very codependent, cheating on her the whole time. And then he went right from that to Ariana. And then he cheated on her from the beginning, whether you want to call it cheating or not. Miami girl. And then I believe there are way more than two or three that he's admitting to. Brianne 0:18:50 100%. I would give money on it, because what happens is this is a progressive disease. It's a thinking disease. It's actually not about the other person, we think. And it progressively gets worse. So the higher the stakes means you've been doing it a long time. And here's the stakes. It was her best friend seven months on television for them to even think. And she even said in the interview, I thought it would be okay with Ariana. I thought they would break up. Then him and I could start dating. That was my reality. And in my head, I was screaming, no, that was your fucking fantasy. Brianne 0:19:29 Yeah. Brianne 0:19:31 That is life. How toxic and how this disease will make you think the craziest things will work out and they won't. Brianne 0:19:40 Yeah. I wonder if she thought that, because that's exactly what happened with Kristen and Ariana's overlap. Like, he came on the reunion, we didn't see this, but he had broken up with Kristen and then now he's with Ariana. And maybe she thought that their situation would play out the same way if they weren't caught. That's what would have happened. He would have broken up with Ariana, and the next reunion, they would be together next season, maybe, and everybody would just accept it eventually. That's what she thought. And I think she even said that I was living in my own little world. And even Lala also pointed out that. Brianne 0:20:17 Living in fantasy, that she thought it was going to work out. I mean, even Randall, I've met him and gone in for him and castings and stuff. And it's like I smelled him from a mile away of also having this problem. Let's just get to it. Brianne 0:20:30 Yeah. I think somebody said maybe it was Ariana. She said the way that he talks about her is exactly the way that he talked about me in the beginning. And so many I've looked at scenes that are almost identical of what he said about Kristen. We're not having sex. She cringes when I touch her. We were basically roommates. And he's saying the exact same things about Ariana. So it's a pattern of over. I mean, that's 15 years right there. Brianne 0:20:59 Well, here's the third characteristic, and this one is going to nail ding, ding. It says furied emotional and sexual deprivation. So he felt he had emotional deprivation and sexual deprivation. We compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time, so that's that overlap. It's like, can't be alone. I'm empty. I'm empty. Fill me up. Give me the sexual needs. Give me the emotional needs. Brianne 0:21:37 Yeah, it's life leapfrogging from one thing to another. Life I've never seen again. This is like two decades from what I've seen and from what I know of the exact same thing. I can't be alone. I can't be alone. Rebecca 0:21:50 Can't be alone. Brianne 0:21:51 I need that girlfriend, but I also need that excitement on the outside. Brianne 0:21:56 Yeah. And here's Raquel's one. We confuse love with neediness. Physical and sexual attraction, pity or the need to rescue or be rescued. Brianne 0:22:06 Yeah, with James, I guess she was trying to rescue him. Brianne 0:22:09 Yeah, but here's the thing. She was trying to rescue Sandoval from his relationship with Ariana, and then she want to be rescued by him in her loneliness. And she couldn't sit within herself. And we were forgetting she hooked up with that other married guy before in Vegas. Brianne 0:22:29 Schwartz. Brianne 0:22:31 No, schwartz and then the one before. Yes. Brianne 0:22:34 I mean, she went from Peter to Oliver to Schwartz, which I think was a decoy, set up something. It was either production or Sandoval trying to cover his tracks. Or she was trying to make him jealous. That both. Brianne 0:22:48 I actually think both. Brianne 0:22:49 Yeah, because he wasn't committing. I mean, I think what we're hearing is completely different than what they were talking about behind closed doors and what they had planned. Maybe. I mean, there's a theory that she was with Sandoval when she was with James and that's why she broke up with him. She broke the engagement off because it was kind of out of nowhere. Brianne 0:23:11 Well, he was paying for their engagement, which is very odd, very strange. It's almost like the seeds were being planted. And it's like a type of not grooming, but a type of grooming situation where, listen, healthy people do not pick unhealthy people. I always say, when you do this work, anybody you choose right now is unhealthy because a healthy person sees those signs, sees those boundaries, and will not put up with them. So anytime someone with these behaviors, who they pick is just unhealthy? That's exactly it. Because here's the thing. Ariana did kiss him while he was with Kristen. There's a part of her that's unhealthy, and people aren't saying that. And listen, she is the victim. I feel horrible for her, absolutely terrible. But she also played out the same pattern. Yes. Not saying that. Brianne 0:24:12 No, not saying that. I mean, it's interesting that she's so the victim right now. Everybody feels so bad for her. Andy did touch on it a little bit in the reunion. He said, Listen, this is a room full of cheaters. Ariana, you kissed Sandoval while he was with Kristen. And the thing is, in rewatching the show, she's never once copped to that and said, I mean, she admitted it, but she never said, yeah, that was wrong. I'm sorry, Kristen, that was wrong. That was still cheating. And by the way, I don't know if they just kissed. But even if they just kissed, that's still cheating. That's still doing the same thing that ended up kind of happening to her. Brianne 0:24:54 But here's the thing. They're not saying my friend, they're not saying they had an emotional affair already. They were best friends. First of all, I don't know about you, but I don't believe men and women, if that's the sexual if that's who you're attracted to, I don't believe it's a healthy scenario to have a lot of guy friends or to have a guy best friend. No, I just don't. The energy exchange, usually somebody would fuck somebody, so it's not a real friendship. Brianne 0:25:23 Agree. Brianne 0:25:24 They were having an emotional affair. That's worse than kissing. That's worse. And no one's saying that. Brianne 0:25:32 No one's saying that. I know it is. I mean, Kristen said that in the reunion. She said, well, you guys were having an emotional affair. And I think they kind of denied that. But it's pretty clear. I wouldn't want my boyfriend texting his friend who's really hot, who I'm threatened by at three in the morning and saying what certain things that they were saying. It's inappropriate, to say the least. And she never really owned that. Neither of them ever caught to that. We're friends, we're friends. And then he said the same thing about Raquel. We're friends. We're friends. We're dancing at the Abbey at 02:00 A.m.. Brianne 0:26:08 It's normal. Brianne 0:26:10 No, it's not. It is not normal. Whoever you're hanging out whoever's hanging out with somebody at 01:00 A.m., that is not a healthy situation. In the dark is where things get fucked up. And here's the one I want to say, because this is the characteristic for what we're talking about, is having few healthy boundaries. We become sexually involved with and or emotionally attached to people without knowing them. Now, he could say, Ariana and I knew each other back then, and it's like, no, you didn't. You worked behind a bar. Yes, you worked together. But do you actually know the person? Probably they trauma bonded. Probably they complained about Kristen and she felt closer to him and they had this connection. Oh, my God. I can't tell you, if I hear one more person saying, oh, the connection, we were like, I've never connected to another person. I'm like that's a bunch of BS. Brianne 0:27:03 Sorry. Brianne 0:27:04 Yes. Brianne 0:27:08 That was my alarm. Yeah. I think that she probably trauma bonded with him also because she had talked about in her last relationship, she dealt with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, and she was talked down to and her self esteem was just obliterated. So, yeah, they probably did trauma bond over these toxic relationships that they were in. And they both said that. She said that over and over. Like, I've known him for six years. We've been friends for six years. As if that sort of or no, three years, I think it was at the time. As if that sort of overshadows the actual intimate relationship that Kristen had with him. And they acted like they knew each other on that intimate level because they were friends for three years. Brianne 0:27:56 Yeah. Brianne 0:27:57 And it's not the same thing. They didn't know each other that way. So they said, you don't even know. Brianne 0:28:04 The person that you're with sometimes for years. My husband and I have been together for 18 years, and I still learn things about him. So if you think this overwhelming connection or you know this person, you do not you do not ever there's a part of us that is never fully yes, we're connected. I'm the most connected I've ever been, but I had years and years of therapy and work on myself and my intimacy and all of that. But Tom and Raquel or Tom and Ariana are all these scenarios. First of all, they don't know each other. You're living in an altered reality in general, on television. None of that is fucking real. I've been an actress for 20 something years. It is not real. None of it. So they all live in fantasy. And these two people, let's say, took the fantasy to the next level. And no one is calling it what it is. And now they say she's in rehab or a mental facility. Brianne 0:29:05 Do you believe that? I want to know if you believe that Brianne 0:29:08 I don't. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on with her. I think it's probably a good thing that she's not in the public eye right now and in everyone's face, like Sandoval is. She's not flaunting. Whatever she's doing, I mean, it's good that she's out of the public eye in a way. I don't know where she is. Life. Maybe she's at a maybe she's with her parents. Maybe she's at because she seems very reliant on them. And, um maybe she's at a spa that she's sorry. Calling a wellness resort. Maybe there's a theory that she was pregnant and so she's in hiding at her grandmother's house. I don't know. She's more of the mysterious piece for me. She's hard to read. Brianne 0:29:52 It's that facade. That mask is that perfectionism. Brianne 0:29:56 It's the reflection that all these men because I look. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 20 May 2024 | Silent Strength: The Grey Rock Approach | 00:14:10 | |
On this eye-opening episode of the Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt uncovers the art of "grey rocking," a powerful strategy designed for dealing with toxic individuals and navigating difficult relationships. Brianne illuminates the concept of grey rocking as a form of emotional camouflage, where one becomes the human equivalent of a rock—unresponsive and dull—to disarm the manipulative tactics of narcissists and those with toxic tendencies. Listeners will learn how grey rocking serves as a boundary-setting, conflict avoidance technique, particularly effective in co-parenting situations or interactions with challenging personalities. Brianne explains that by becoming uninteresting, you deny the toxic person the emotional reaction they crave, making you less appealing as a target for their antagonistic behavior. With a blend of personal anecdotes and practical advice, Brianne walks us through the nuances of the grey rock method, emphasizing its role not as a long-term relationship solution, but as a temporary measure to maintain one's sanity and emotional well-being. She cautions that while grey rocking can initially provoke a stronger reaction from the toxic individual, steadfast application of the technique can gradually reduce their attempts to engage. Join Brianne as she shares insights on how to effectively implement grey rocking—keeping responses minimal, avoiding eye contact, and staying emotionally neutral. This episode is a masterclass for anyone looking to protect their peace in the face of relentless toxicity. If you're ready to become a ninja in the art of disengagement, this episode is your guide to empowerment. #SecretLifePodcast #GreyRocking #ToxicRelationships #Narcissism #EmotionalWellness #BoundarySetting #ConflictAvoidance #CoParenting #EmotionalDetachment #SelfPreservation 🔑 Episode Keywords Grey Rocking, Toxic Individuals, Narcissistic Behavior, Emotional Camouflage, Boundary Setting, Conflict Avoidance, Co-Parenting, Emotional Detachment, Manipulation Tactics, Self-Preservation, Emotional Well-being (00:00) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine (01:36) Grey rocking is a new therapeutic technique for dealing with narcissists and toxic people (08:34) Grey rock method is about controlling your reactions to toxic people (10:39) Grey rocking is a way of detaching from difficult people (13:30) I hope you enjoy listening to Secret Life podcasts ______ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 05 Oct 2020 | Christine Lakin: Overcoming Bulimia & Anorexia | 00:29:37 | |
Keeping a secret about a raging eating disorder meant she didn't have to get better. Christine Lakin breaks down how she isolated her decade long battle with bulimia and anorexia, shifting her focus and perspective and how she created a healthy lifestyle. Christine is a director, producer and actress. She is best known from the 90’s sit-com “Step By Step”. She lives in California with her husband and two children. To connect with Christine Lakin: Instagram | Twitter ______ TOPICS IN THIS EPISODE INCLUDE eating disorders, bulimia, anorexia, eating healthy, parenting, self-love, inspiration, relationships, peer pressure, secrets. If you or anyone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, addiction, depression, trauma or sexual abuse, we've compiled a list of resources at https://secretlifepodcast.com. ______ If you or anyone you know struggles with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse, or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources the Secret Life Podcast Website. ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
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| 29 Aug 2022 | Sarah Lebel: I Was Drugged at an LA Party & Sex Trafficked | 00:35:12 | |
Most women think it will never happen to them, yet the scary stats are out there; sex trafficking is a genuine and dangerous reality for a beautiful young woman anywhere, especially in Los Angeles. Sarah never even thought that could happen to her, but when she came to, drugged and bruised with no way to escape, the reality came crashing down. In this harrowing story, convincing her family was much more challenging than she thought it would be. ______ 1 (888) 373-7888 National Human Trafficking Hotline SMS: 233733 (Text "HELP" or "INFO") Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week Languages: English, Spanish and 200 more languages Website: http://humantraffickinghotline.org _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Sarah Lebel Sarah Lebel is a survivor and advocate in the fight against human trafficking. As a result of her personal experiences, she founded the non-profit But What Is Next, which supports trauma survivors in creating a fulfilling and stable life by connecting them with resources to carve out their career path, and the financial support to make it happen. Every person has the ability to do amazing things in life. Sarah and the team at But What Is Next stand for everyone to have an equal playing field with education and career coaching opportunities. No survivor should ever get left behind. Instagram: @but.what.is.next Website: butwhatisnext.com Email - sarah@butwhatisnext.com _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle_____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 28 Oct 2024 | Covert Narcissist: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing | 00:19:10 | |
In this gripping episode of the secretlifepodcast@icloud.com Life Podcast, host Brianne Davis-Gantt delves into the shadowy realm of covert narcissism, exposing the subtle yet destructive behaviors of these master manipulators. Often disguised as the most unassuming individuals, covert narcissists are the wolves in sheep's clothing, wreaking havoc within families and relationships while maintaining a facade of innocence and victimhood. Brianne unpacks the traits of these hidden narcissists, highlighting their penchant for playing the victim, their hypersensitivity to criticism, and their ability to reverse any situation to make it about themselves. Listeners are guided through the intricate dance of manipulation and the exhausting cycles that covert narcissists perpetuate. Brianne offers invaluable insights into recognizing these toxic patterns and provides practical advice on setting boundaries and protecting oneself from emotional abuse. Emphasizing the importance of self-preservation, she encourages listeners to seek therapy and support, reminding them that they deserve freedom from toxic relationships. This episode is an essential listen for anyone grappling with the covert narcissists in their lives. Tune in to arm yourself with knowledge and strategies to reclaim your power and well-being. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 06 Feb 2023 | Genie: I’m Engaged to a Level One Sex Offender | 00:31:37 | |
Genie shares her unique story of falling in love with a level one sex offender. TRIGGER WARNING - This episode contains topics that may be triggering. Listener discretion is advised. In an inspiring and heart-felt discussion, she dives into the complexities of such a relationship, focusing on themes of communication, cycles of abuse, mental health, and remaining hopeful. Genie's story is a powerful reminder to keep an open mind and to be understanding of the struggles faced by those who have made mistakes and are on a journey of redemption. With the help of Brianne Davis, author of a book about her experiences, Genie encourages all listeners to look beyond the label of 'sex offender' and to find empathy for those in her situation. Tune in to gain insight into the struggles of remaining in a love relationship with a sex offender and the importance of paying attention to online dangers. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript [0:00:00] Genie: My fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor. [0:00:15] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today, I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know, those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave. Or those lighter, funny secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really? [0:01:13] Brianne Davis: The how, what, when, where, and live at all. Today. My guest is Genie. Now, Genie, I have a question for you. Dun dun dun. What is your secret? [0:01:23] Genie: My secret is I am engaged to a level one sex offender. [0:01:27] Brianne Davis: Oh, okay. What is a level one sex offender? [0:01:31] Genie: Level one is usually not one that you would be able to look up on any regular data site, only because their offenses are so minimal. It could be, you know, public urination, it could be light and decent indecent exposure. And in my case, my fiance was set up in a sting and did not know it, but he was communicating with a said minor, but wasn't a minor. [0:01:57] Brianne Davis: Okay, take us back. First of all, how long have you been with him? [0:02:01] Genie: Well, we started dating in early 2021. That's when we met. [0:02:06] Brianne Davis: And how did you meet? [0:02:08] Genie: We met on an online dating site. The most popular one that's out there, tinder. But he had already been. And prior to that and what had got him to that point of communicating with that said person? He was already down a rabbit hole of addiction and being meeting people for just sex. And he was on Adult Friend finder a couple of other I call him sleazy dating sites. And he was down a dark path. [0:02:34] Brianne Davis: So he was addicted to the fantasy of the other person online? [0:02:41] Genie: Well, I think when the person is not naturally attracted to younger people, he was just the act of being sexually engaged with anyone who was easy and readily available. That was his target. If you were ready to go, do. [0:02:57] Brianne Davis: You think if it's even that, is it? What did he ever say to you? And I know we're jumping already into it, and I want to backtrack a little, but did he ever say to you because it was, like, a little wrong, he was communicating with her? Because as we get more in our addiction, it gets darker. And cedar and the things you thought you wouldn't do, you find yourself doing self doing. Yes. [0:03:23] Genie: I don't think he ever entertained that thought enough to think that he would go that direction. It was just all about real meet, have sex, be done, never talk to that person again, or if they called him back, maybe. And when I met him, his intent for me was to be a friends with Benefit. And I was like, well, okay, I see that's the route you want to go. I had been in the dating scene, too, and I didn't quite understand what the friends with benefit was completely defined as. I knew it, but I didn't know it. And when I asked him, so what is your definition of friends with Benefit? He goes, oh, two or three people. I go, don't you think that's a little unhealthy? It gets sloppy. It gets kind of you don't know. Communication can get lost, and you risk the chance of STDs and STIs. And I didn't know about this secret until three months after we started seeing each other and hanging out a lot. And because of my job, too, I worked then with the state, and he knew I was a mandated reporter. [0:04:26] Brianne Davis: Really? Wait, so he picked a mandated reporter and didn't tell you for three months? [0:04:32] Genie: Right. But after this, he had already been in the trial part of his case. [0:04:36] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:04:37] Genie: His incident happened three months prior to me. [0:04:40] Brianne Davis: Can you take us through what actually happened with him so people listening. I want them to hear what actually happened. So he was talking to some multiple. [0:04:49] Genie: People he was talking to, and one of them, somebody would grab on and kind of communicate a little bit more, and they started talking about meeting up, and she mentioned something. I've read the reports. I've read the psychosexual evaluation. I've read the police reports. I've even seen a cell phone while other details on it. The said young lady said that she was scared to do it at first because she hadn't actually had sex with somebody of his stature statue and was hesitant about it. And he goes, oh, well, we can take it slow, and we can do it oral. And I said, So you did want to do this? He goes, yeah, but I kind of entertained it to the fact that I knew it was going and meeting her in a public place and meeting her to say, are you sure you really want everyone your life like this? That's what he discussed with me afterwards. And I said, So you wouldn't have met her in a private place knowing that how old she said was? And he goes, no, I don't think I could have actually went through with the act. [0:05:39] Brianne Davis: And how old did she say she was? [0:05:41] Genie: 1515. [0:05:43] Brianne Davis: And how old is he? [0:05:44] Genie: He was in his early 40s. [0:05:47] Brianne Davis: Okay, so did he end up meeting her, or he went to the place. [0:05:52] Genie: And then went to the public place. And as soon as he pulled up, they knew exactly what car he was, who would he look like. They immediately arrested him, didn't tell him what it was about. They took him from one place, and they grilled him, saying, how would you like this if this was your daughter? Blah, blah, blah. And he knew what was up. He knew what had happened. At that point, he did spend two nights in jail, and when he went, yes, he does. He has two, and they're adults. [0:06:19] Brianne Davis: Boys or girls? [0:06:20] Genie: One boy, one girl. [0:06:21] Brianne Davis: I got you. [0:06:22] Genie: Okay. And I have three myself, so I have two girls and a boy. [0:06:26] Brianne Davis: Okay. How old are your kids? [0:06:28] Genie: Well, one's 24, 21, and 19. [0:06:32] Brianne Davis: Got it. [0:06:33] Genie: Well, one was not an adult when I had met him, but after he had told me, I was very careful of watching him and seeing how his responses were and how he was with my kids. Because if I would have gotten any kind of feeling that there was something off, I would have immediately said, yeah, we can't do this. He disclosed it to a couple of people. After he was done, he went through treatment and did the legal treatment that was required. In addition to helping himself, he also had the opportunity of having a counselor free of charge to him. This isn't for everybody. It's only because of his service background. He has access to having extra counseling. So that benefited him, I think, in the most in his healing process and understanding and getting through those ropes of learning. What he did was wrong with the communication of an inappropriate context with a minor. It was a heavy load. When he hit me with this. [0:07:25] Brianne Davis: I want to talk about that, actually. And then I have more questions about his healing, because I actually want to hear a little more about it. But how was that let's call it D Day when he told you, how did that go? Where were you? How did you feel? [0:07:37] Genie: We went on a day trip that day. We were doing some cool photography of some vintage cars, and then we stopped at a restaurant, play pool, came back, and then I always drove. It just was a thing I did. And he said, I have something I really need to tell you. It's kind of my own secret. And I was like, okay. And he told me. He disclosed me because I got in trouble with the sting, and this is what happened. And I said, wow, that's a big thing that happened, and I'm really glad you told me. And I handled it very calmly. I didn't freak out on him. And of course, it took me probably about I still communicated with him, and I asked him what his intent was. As we got farther, he opened up more and more and more with me. I did go to counseling myself at that time, and I wanted to understand to me, I think I wanted to know, how can I help this person, even if it's not for me. Maybe it's the next woman that he ends up dating, that he gets the treatment, he gets he gets all the things. [0:08:36] Genie: His kids appreciate the fact that Dad's done the things for himself, because I think that's the meaningful part. And I told him, I said, don't make this about me ever. I want this to be about what you want to do. I want it to be for your family, for your job, so you don't ever lose it, for your community involvement. Me last, and it took a while. I mean, I had a long discussion, a lot of journaling. I wrote down a lot of stuff. Oh, man, I burned that book. Actually, I called it the Burn Book. Afterwards, I wrote down all the stuff, and then I burned it. But, yes, it was it was pretty impactful, and I did end up disclosing it to my supervisor at work because I knew that I was in that position where if it were ever to be brought up legally and if it were found, I didn't want it to be contingent on me or my job. [0:09:22] Brianne Davis: And what did they say? [0:09:24] Genie: She understood it, and because my job the way it was at that point, she was very understanding and keeping it as confidential as possible. And I told her, I promise that he's not going to be in any settings around here, no family events until we know when the legal trial is done. And that's when he was when the legal trial was done. That's when he was labeled as one, and he was on restriction. He had to get travel things to go see me because we were in different counties. [0:09:53] Brianne Davis: Okay? [0:09:53] Genie: So he had to get a travel voucher from his probation officer, and he would come down once a week, and I would come up to his place every other week or so like that, and that's how we would see each other. We would go back and forth. Also, when he went to this legal thing, he had asked the judge, asked his attorney that he had hired to say, well, my girlfriend that I'm seeing does have one son that's 17 and a half. Can I put his name on the, you know, being supervised by her? And he they asked the judge that, and he granted it. Okay, so but ever since then, we I after 2021, and then we we dated for probably about a good six or seven months, and then I ended up moving into his place with his kids because then my kids all got their own places and my youngest went to their dads. And none of this was to my understanding in relation to my relationship, except for the fact that Mom's moving on. [0:10:43] Brianne Davis: Does any of your kids know about it or is this, like, a secret a lot of people don't know? [0:10:48] Genie: No. I had actually to talk to them a little bit about it. And then I talked to my fiance about it, and I said, this is mostly your story to tell, so if you ever want to sit down and openly talk to them about it and I asked them, I go, do you guys ever want to hear it? And they're like, no, we know what we know, and that's all we need to know. And you know what? They all have a wonder, since it's been about two and a half, almost two years, that we all have a great relationship, and it's worked out. They see him for who he is genuinely as a person now because he's overcome a lot of hurdles. And the reason why he went down that dark path and and became an addicted person because at a young age, he was pushed into being an instant father and married very quickly to a very older woman who already had kids. [0:11:31] Brianne Davis: So he was he was sexualized very young then. [0:11:35] Genie: Yes. [0:11:36] Brianne Davis: If he was with an older woman, whether he was of age or not, that can be a permanent damage to you. [0:11:42] Genie: Right. And then, of course, that marriage being as long as it was, there was a lot of online 18 years. [0:11:49] Brianne Davis: Wow. [0:11:49] Genie: Yeah, there was a lot of what he told me he felt like a doormat in a paycheck, probably about the same time he told me about this legal problem. He felt like a doormat and a paycheck and his wife and his wife's life. [0:12:00] Brianne Davis: Do you think then he started acting out online to escape that relationship? [0:12:05] Genie: Oh, he had numerous affairs while he was married. [0:12:08] Brianne Davis: Right. [0:12:08] Genie: He was trying to get away from that whole he wanted that connection with somebody who saw something in him, and the only thing he saw that he was useful for was for sex. [0:12:16] Brianne Davis: Right. Yeah. I mean, listen, I am a sex addict. I'm a sex and love addict, and I totally get when we use our sexuality or try to connect with other people through that, but it's like he went to the extreme because he was so disconnected from himself and his sexuality was taken away. [0:12:34] Genie: Exactly. Yeah. [0:12:37] Brianne Davis: So how far did it go down? Did he ever meet any minors or was that the first and only one, or have you asked him? [0:12:44] Genie: That was the first and only one, and I did ask him that. I asked him if he was ever attracted to him. I even went back and reading your book, too, and I asked him I go, did you ever have any incidences in your younger life where you may have been exposed to these kind of things? Because that's what I've seen a lot when I work with my former job, is seeing a pattern of exposure, and it just kind of continues. And it's one of those things that either people either can identify it, learn to get the treatment and stop it, or they can continue to choose doing that same thing over and over again until they don't see a problem with it. [0:13:15] Brianne Davis: And what did he say when you asked him that? [0:13:17] Genie: He never had that kind of exposure. He lost his virginity at an older age. [0:13:22] Brianne Davis: I know, but even with porn and stuff, did he look at porn at a young age? Because that's a big factor. [0:13:29] Genie: He may have had touch and go with that, but he never told me that he was ever addicted to the porn or anything. To me from what my background of going through the schooling that I went through and also understanding background for casework. There's nothing that significance a red flag to me that says, oh, he had this kind of exposure as a youngster, and this is why. It's just a lot of I think a lot of it mostly had to do with his parents being divorced, his dad not coming around, not having that love and connection attention, and being married to an older woman and still then falling in that whole trap of not feeling the love and connection. And it just seems like it's playing. [0:14:07] Brianne Davis: Online and those connections that feel real but they're actually false connections and then the stakes keep getting higher to get the hit and high you want. [0:14:16] Genie: Absolutely. [0:14:20] Brianne Davis: Does he get online anymore now or is that a no go? [0:14:24] Genie: Very little no. He's only on a couple of very social medias and he allows me to look at what he has. [0:14:30] Brianne Davis: Good. [0:14:30] Genie: He has no problem with me looking at what he has. There used to be a time in the beginning of our relationship his phone was always faced down, he'd always have notifications off. And I knew for the probably about the first six months he was still coming off of that high of being connected to those people. [0:14:45] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it takes a while. It's very hard to go cold turkey off of online anything, even online gaming, it's hard to go cold turkey. It's very difficult. [0:14:58] Genie: Even in the beginning of our relationship, I had caught him. He was going to hook up with some gal after we had had a huge weekend, a holiday weekend together. And then he was trying to persuade the neighbor that lived over at another place that we lived at together and I caught it and he tried to lie about it at first, but then he felt really bad and he backed down and it was just like it was wrong. I should have never flirted with her, I should have never kissed her on even though we were seeing each other, I was just thinking, I can get away with it. [0:15:30] Brianne Davis: And that was do you know why he did that? Why you guys were getting closer, why he did that? [0:15:36] Genie: I do, but I don't. It's like I can't go in his brain and actually pinpoint what it is, but he can only go by what he tells me. [0:15:43] Brianne Davis: Well, it's a definite fear of intimacy. So if you're getting closer to him in real life, he does anything he can to make that disconnection and go somewhere else. It's him chasing still that fantasy at that time because it was getting too real, probably, for you guys. [0:16:01] Genie: That is probably exactly it, because it was right before I had moved in with him. [0:16:05] Brianne Davis: That's what always happens. I was talking with somebody and they were like, every time we go, my boyfriend and I go on a family vacation, he picks a fight with me afterwards. And I'm like, yeah, because he's terrified of real intimacy. So he picks a fight with you because it was too real, and he didn't come from that background, so he doesn't know how to process it. [0:16:27] Genie: That's right. That's a very good analogy. One of the books that I did read with him, and I'm probably sure you're familiar with it, it's called out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes. [0:16:36] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that book. [0:16:38] Genie: Oh, my gosh. If anybody's ever going through this kind of process. And one thing I do want to disclose about him being a sex offender and I don't want people to turn away from these people. Yes, there's people that have got extreme patterns of child molestation, rape and things like that, but with his being a level one, the way it was and going through the treatment is not an easy process because these people have to pay for this. It's no different from drug rehab. You have to pay for it. And if you can't get a job anywhere because of those legal things that you have pressed against you, then how are you able to afford the treatment to go forward? [0:17:14] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it's a lot of money. People with this addiction, this tendency, it's really hard to get recovery. [0:17:21] Genie: Yeah, I think it was about $400 every month for him. And he would have meetings once a week, and he would tell me all about the meetings. I've never told him to tell me anything. I let him do I said, if you want to share, that's great. I'm here to be here to listen to you and help you through anything. And that's why when I read that book, I literally went through and I understood every piece of it, so I knew how to support him, and that was a big thing. And then I read well, I listened to yours on audiobook, but all those resources I got all my resources together. It's like, if I'm going to be anything, this man, I'm going to be a resource and help for him and get him through this. Like I said, I didn't want him to make it about me. I wanted it to be for himself and his family first. Yeah. [0:18:03] Brianne Davis: And I think it's really beautiful as a partner, the non judgmental and not taking it on. It's about you. I even work with a lot of partners and help them see like, this addiction has nothing to do with you. If he's going to go do that, it has no reflection of you. It's his own. But then I always have what in you, though, are not showing up. What in you depicts somebody unavailable, but it seems like he's doing the work. So you're showing up completely available and saying, here, you have to do your work and it's all on you. But I will show up for you to see how it's different, how you're handling it. And majority of the people, because they make it about them and it's not about them. He has a disease. He has a sickness. He's trying to escape himself in some way. [0:18:46] Genie: Exactly. Yeah. And I really dug deep into that because I wanted him to know that I want to understand every element of this. So I know everything that even when you talk about the whacka Mole addiction, like, he used to also be a smoker, and he just recently quit smoking. And so I said, so have you found yourself finding addiction to anything else? And then lately it's been I call it the TikTok rabbit hole. [0:19:12] Brianne Davis: TikTok is a huge one. That is a huge addiction, actually. It's bad. So what is he doing now? So he's going down that rabbit hole of watching videos. [0:19:23] Genie: Yeah, and I want to back it up just a little bit. But before then, when he was going to counseling and I was going to counseling and because we had had those hurdles of him still trying to interact with people and trying to get better and then going into counseling, I actually sat down and said, let's come up with healthy things that we can do. So we started doing more stuff in the kitchen. We started making cakes together, we started making other recipes together. We've gone camping. Another thing we did is, I don't know if you've seen those glass cubes that people put like fairy lights in, but instead of putting fairy lights in every time we went out somewhere, like even a coaster or a menu or something small that we could put in their little shrinkage, and we started collecting memory jars. We're on our fifth one right now. And they're positive things. I always told him, let's think of positive things that we can change, those negative things that you are so easily fallen into. And I think that was the biggest thing, is another part of me working with him to better himself. [0:20:18] Brianne Davis: But I also love that, yes, I'm all about positivity, but there's a time and a place for it. So he still had to go through the negative stuff with his therapy, his groups, whatever he's doing, and then you be there next to him and then trying to expand his life instead of making it smaller. [0:20:38] Genie: Right. [0:20:38] Brianne Davis: I don't look at it as positivity. I just look at it as you expanding you guys'life together. [0:20:44] Genie: That's a good way to put it. Definitely. It's like I try not to monitor him, but I do monitor him. I think that's just my fear of him going down that addiction hole. But I think we're kind of far enough away from it now. But I always do check in. [0:20:59] Brianne Davis: I think it's important. The first five to ten years, you kind of have to do check ins. I don't ever suggest to make sure you're checking it 24/7. But when you're getting out of this specific addiction, it is the hardest one to get out of it, and you have to be diligent and little things can trigger you just even seeing something on a website. So it is always important for them to have accountability. Like for me, I had accountability with my partner. It just is it's? You showing up authentically, but there has to be no judgment on the other side. And I think that's where you have a good balance with it. [0:21:39] Genie: Yes. And that is one of our strong suits from coming from both of our rocky marriages that we've had. And the lack of communication was the hardest part that we didn't understand a lot from our marriage. It just wasn't there. And I think that's what has helped us in our relationships, like communication, communication, communication. We have to talk about it. Even if it's the nitty gritty and it hurts and it feels like it's just ugly, we have to talk about it. [0:22:08] Brianne Davis: You do. Communication is the most important. But I am going to ask you a question, and it's going to be might be difficult to answer, because if someone has a young child that this has happened to them, what would you say to them? How would you explain his side to them to make them feel understanding? Or maybe there's nothing you can say, so I don't know. So I was wondering if you've ever thought about that. [0:22:36] Genie: I have thought about that. I was with him when he was really restricted as far as the restriction goes, too. They even monitor his phone. Yeah, he monitors electronic devices on any communication. Anything he searched. If you searched anything about anatomy, they would have dinged him and he would have been in trouble by his PO and heartbeat. I think when I was out in public with him, there was a lot of questions asked, even from his treatment counselor, saying, did you have a kid come up and touch you or bump into you? If something like that happens, you need to say something and express it and tell people and people in your group how you feel. I think if there was anything that I could tell that there was something discomforting, like if a kid was being too close to him and he was just like, I need to get this makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to get in trouble again. I don't want to feel like I'm going to get prosecuted for this kid coming at me. So I think it's just about us learning boundaries, and because we're much older and our kids are much older, and of course there's going to be kids coming into our life that are younger from them having their children. It's his story to tell. Again, I've always said it's his story to tell. And if he feels that it's something that's going to make him uncomfortable in a setting, in a place with lots of children around, then I've always told him, we can go. [0:23:54] Genie: We can leave. We don't have to stay here. [0:23:56] Brianne Davis: Okay. And if any parents that have dealt with that they're younger kids talking to older people online, what would be your advice for them just because you've dealt with it on the other side? [0:24:09] Genie: As a parent myself, I monitored my kids devices. I paid for it, I monitor it, amen. And I hate it when people sit there. Well, my kid won't take their device away. They don't need it. You tell them you'll pick them up and drop them off, you'll be there. Do it like you did in the 80s. [0:24:27] Brianne Davis: You didn't even have a cell phone or a phone. [0:24:31] Genie: I'm picking you up at so and so's house, and if you're not there, I know you were lying. But also working part of my line of work that I worked with, reading cases, there were young girls who had been sexualized younger. [0:24:44] Brianne Davis: Well, then, mostly likely, there's a brokenness about them. I work with a lot of young girls, especially 15 and 16 year olds. And anybody that's online looking for that connection is lacking a connection in their real life that's just exactly some damage was done, some abandonment, some low self esteem, fear of intimacy, fear of being loved. But I believe that this social media world we live in is making it a thousand times worse. [0:25:15] Genie: Definitely. And it's tough. And even in the field where I'm at now, I won't disclose because I don't want too much to get out there, but I see people, even the kids that are on these cases, on Zoom, and I see their Zoom profile picture, and then they come on, and I'm like, Whoa. I would have instantly thought that person that was in that picture was over 20 years old. And I thought, how dangerous? When I know that that person that's really on that Zoom is under 18. [0:25:42] Brianne Davis: Yeah. So scary. And wanting to grow up so quickly as well. There's always that need. As a young child, I mean, I even wanted to grow up quickly. We all do. But we have to protect the innocent, even from themselves, right? I do have one more question I'm dying to ask. I do have a son. We were just talking about the same thing. But how do I protect my son? He's four and. A half. But how do I protect him from online creditors, however they are, innocent or not, how do I protect him? [0:26:17] Genie: Again, monitoring him? What is he going on and educating him? That's not a safe place. There's probably people in there that are not okay to talk to you. And if somebody asks you questions that you don't feel comfortable, you tell me right away. Even some of the stuff that my kids used to play, like called penguin back in the day, there was always somebody on there, and they would start cursing them. Oh, my God, mom, this person's cursing at me. And I might report them, report them right away because I don't know who they are. I don't know. There could be some 30 something year old playing around on the kids game and trying to get kids. And like I said, I monitored a lot of stuff. I monitor even snapchat. I monitored my kids on that. They told me some kid was getting ready to want to fight another kid. I said shut it down. [0:27:04] Genie: Don't get in the middle of it, and we're going to take it to school. [0:27:07] Brianne Davis: Yes, I love that. That's great too. I love having you on. Is there anything else you want to share that you feel like you need to come on and talk about so people understand the other side of this behavior? [0:27:20] Genie: I don't like it when people sit there and generalize that all sex offenders are bad. They should be shot or killed or hurt or something in that way. I think as a society that's already lacking a lot of strength in the mental health field, that we really need to take a step back and saying, you know what? They're still in our community. They're still around. We don't know what it is. [0:27:39] Brianne Davis: They're still human. They're still breathing. [0:27:40] Genie: They're still human. And it's easy for a sex and love addict to fall in that trap because it's that fine line, and all of a sudden you could just go right over there and be like, oh, I really didn't want to go that far. And I just really wish the world or the United States in general would really focus on mental health a lot more. And I wish it wasn't so expensive so these people can get the treatment they need, so they can stop the cycle. Because when they don't get the treatment they need, they're right back on the street doing what they've been normally doing to survive. [0:28:15] Brianne Davis: It's a survival tactic to numb out and not be in reality. That's all it is. It really is. It's living in fantasy so you don't have to live in reality with how you're feeling. [0:28:25] Genie: Right? And there are some that are against the grain with the whole thing. Like I said, I've read cases where people are non registered sex offenders target younger young women or women in general with young kids, and they just perpetrate on them and drug habits. And it's just like, again, if we had the money going the right direction for those things, we would have a lot of healthier people. [0:28:48] Brianne Davis: I did the extreme cases, for sure. The ones that have raped or hurt children in that way, there is a perversion that they want to take the innocence because they never had that innocence. So I was talking one time to a professional about it. She specializes in it. That is a mental health issue that you actually have to go and work on because they're stuck in this adolescent style of sexuality and wanting to connect to when they were that young. [0:29:23] Genie: Right. [0:29:23] Brianne Davis: She had a whole different idea around it, which I found fascinating because, you know, a lot of sexual predators are in essay and slaa and I see them all the time and I'm friends with them that have had issues in the past and they're good people. They were just struggling themselves with mental health, addiction and all of that. [0:29:46] Genie: Yeah. One thing I explained when my fiance first got into his group setting, I said, I just want you to keep in mind, and this is something that I had to keep in mind when I've read cases a lot was these people didn't just wake up one day and decide, I'm just going to go molest people. No, it was something that the pattern behavior that had happened, something had happened to them. And I could read every psychological background that I've ever read and be like, boom, there it is. [0:30:11] Brianne Davis: It's generational. Usually it's passed down if it happened in the family, it's usually passed down in generations. If people don't actually do the work, they need to see why that happened to them or heal from. [0:30:24] Genie: Exactly. [0:30:25] Brianne Davis: Just like rage, just like violence that happens. It's passed down everything. Yeah. [0:30:30] Genie: And like I said, it's stopping it with the mental health and wanting it to stop. [0:30:35] Brianne Davis: Well, I'm so grateful to have you on. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm honored and I really appreciate it. [0:30:45] Genie: I appreciate you too. I appreciate your book and everything about it. You helped me a great deal. I had him listen to it. He loved it too. I would have really loved for him to be here, but I thought, I'm going to tell it from my story this time. I'm going to tell it from my point of view. [0:30:59] Brianne Davis: No, I love it. Thank you. Thank you for doing that. [0:31:02] Genie: All right, thank you. [0:31:04] Brianne Davis: And if you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time. [0:31:14] Genie: Bye. [0:31:16] Brianne Davis: Thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 23 Sep 2024 | Success Doesn't Equal Happiness | 00:20:08 | |
In our latest episode, Brianne Davis-Gantt challenges the notion that success equates to happiness. Drawing from her own experiences and those of her clients, Brianne delves into the emptiness that often accompanies external achievements. She shares a powerful analogy about the seemingly perfect exteriors of Beverly Hills mansions hiding chaotic interiors, paralleling how outward success can mask inner turmoil. Brianne emphasizes the importance of redefining success from material and external validations to internal peace, connection, and self-intimacy. She provides practical questions to help listeners re-examine their relationships with money, achievement, and recognition. Through this introspective journey, Brianne encourages us to shift from comparison to compassion, from counting to contributing, and from seeking validation to finding contentment in genuine connections. Tune in to discover how to cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling definition of success that truly brings joy and presence into your life. 🔑 Episode Keywords Success, Happiness, Internal Peace, Self-Intimacy, Materialism, Achievement, Recognition, Compassion, Connection, Personal Growth (00:00) The raising of the bar, it never stops. There's this never enoughness. (00:20) Welcome to the Secret Life podcast. Tell me your Secret, I'll tell you mine. (01:00) After twelve years of recovery in Sex and Love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. (02:00) Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. (03:00) Today we are talking about dun dun dun. Success does not equal happiness. (Brianne Davis-Gantt) Even myself, the height of my success was the height of my downfall. (10:00) The outside could look so successful and beautiful, and the mask is beautiful. (15:00) They feel like shit. So they create their beautiful house. Internally they show what they feel like on the inside. (20:00) You have to be happy now with whatever and wherever you are in Life now. (25:00) And Mark's like, when do you have time? Like, where does the bar stop? (30:00) I don't like the word happiness because I think that's like, we all strive for happiness, contentment, right? (35:00) I know that because if I don't do that, it's never enough. And I'm always striving. (40:00) If I gauge my happiness on outside shit, I'm fucked. If I gauge happiness on Mark's mood, I'm fucked. (45:00) So what do you consider successful? I always thought having a house would make me feel successful. (50:00) What can't be taken away is how I feel connected to another, connected to myself. (55:00) How do you define success? How do you want to live a life moving forward? _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 03 Oct 2022 | Joe Pt. 3: From a 36-Year-Old Virgin to Sex Surrogacy to Discovering I’m Pansexual | 00:36:38 | |
Returning for a third time, as the title suggests, Joe has been on quite a journey of self-discovery. He shares his story with us today with an open heart and great passion. Check out Joe's previous episodes: Episode #91 --Joe Pt. 1: I Was a 36-Year-Old Virgin & Then I Got a Sex Surrogate Episode #102 -- Joe Pt. 2: From Sex Surrogate to Tantra Sex Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. ______ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel and on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||
| 20 Feb 2023 | Max: Growing Up, I Was Ashamed About My Autism | 00:33:33 | |
Max's Journey to Success: A Neurodivergent Story of Overcoming Challenges and Finding Belonging -- Max shares his unique journey of overcoming autism and his path to success. He talks about the tools he used to thrive in life, from the Listening Program app to extra-curricular activities. His vulnerable story is full of insight and inspiration, teaching listeners the power of determination and resilience. Max also reflects on his childhood and the experiences that shaped him. Hear his stories and learn from his advice in the Secret Life podcast. _____ If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, trauma, sexual abuse or feeling overwhelmed, we've compiled a list of resources at secretlifepodcast.com. _____ To share your secret and be a guest on the show email secretlifepodcast@icloud.com _____ SECRET LIFE’S TOPICS INCLUDE: addiction recovery, mental health, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, eating disorders, debt & money issues, anorexia, depression, shoplifting, molestation, sexual assault, trauma, relationships, self-love, friendships, community, secrets, self-care, courage, freedom, and happiness. _____ About our guest, MAX KORTEN - Max, a former research and assessment coordinator at Lincoln University, is an assessment specialist at Strayer University. He hopes that his TEDx talk will inspire positive change within others. Ted Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/max_korten_living_beyond_your_invisible_letter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJi3xu5OOMM&t=6s _____ Create and Host Your Podcast with the same host we use - RedCircle _____ Get your copy of SECRET LIFE OF A HOLLYWOOD SEX & LOVE ADDICT -- Secret Life Novel or on Amazon ______ HOW CAN I SUPPORT THE SHOW?
Connect with Brianne Davis-Gantt (@thebriannedavis) Connect with Mark Gantt (@markgantt) Transcript [0:00:00] Max: I did not like having autism. And I think in a way, I was almost trying to, like I was trying to, like, push myself out of autism. [0:00:15] Brianne Davis: Welcome to the Secret Life Podcast. Tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Sometimes you have to go through the darkness to reach the light. That's what I did. After twelve years of recovery in sex and love addiction, I finally found my soulmate myself. Please join me in my novel, Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict, a four-time bestseller on Amazon. It's a brutal, honest, raw, gnarly ride, but hilarious at the same time. Check it out now on Amazon. Welcome to Secret Life Podcast. I'm Brianne Davis-Gantt. Today I'm pulling back the curtains of all kinds of human secrets. We'll hear about what people are hiding from themselves or others. You know those deep, dark secrets you probably want to take to your grave are those lighter, funnier secrets that are just plain embarrassing. Really? The what, when, where and why of it all. [0:01:14] Brianne Davis: My guest is Max. Now, Max, I have a question for you. What is your secret? [0:01:27] Max: When I was growing up, until I left for college, I was extremely abashed for having autism. [0:01:37] Brianne Davis: So you carried around for the longest time that you had autism and you didn't share it with anybody? [0:01:43] Max: Well, I was diagnosed when I was 18 months old, and this was in 1995 when autism was fairly new. But my family knew that I had autism. Some kids knew that I was a little off, but they didn't know the term right, because I definitely did stick out what's that phrase? You stick out with a four thumb. [0:02:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah. But I do want to ask, how did your parents know at 18 months? That's so young. So what were the signs? Because I know nothing about autism. I'm so glad you reached out. I'm so glad you're coming on, because I really want to be educated and my listeners to be educated. So please, any information. [0:02:33] Max: So I'm not 100% sure, but from what I vaguely remember, from what they've told me, I was not talking. I actually didn't learn how to speak until I was four. I was having sensory issues. And I also think that I'm not 100% certain that I wasn't really playing with other kids. Yeah, other kids around my age. So I think those were the things that I'm not 100% certain. [0:03:11] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Because I have adhd and my mom knew from a very young age as well. I talk about it. I could not learn the alphabet, like, to save my life. And she was so frustrated. So I always felt other than right on the outside. Did you feel that way growing up? [0:03:29] Max: Yeah, very much so. I did not really understand growing up. I didn't understand how kids communicated or I didn't really get the social and teenage jargon of how kids communicated. And because of that, I did have some brains, but I definitely felt like a bit socially isolated for my peers. This happened more so when I was like, in 3rd, fourth and fifth grade when anything horribly happened and it kind of came out of the blue, or if it was off routine of my schedule, I would just have a tetra tantrum. [0:04:25] Brianne Davis: Because you felt out of control or like, things were out of the norm for you? [0:04:29] Max: Out of the norm, yeah. But I really like having, like, a very stringent and stoic schedule. And any time that went off of track, then it just messed with my psyche. [0:04:51] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Do you think it was like because I love structure. Like, there's something about structure. When you have structure and what through your day and it's planned, that there's a sense of calmness and that you know what's next. So if anything deviated from that, it was, like, anxiety driven. [0:05:11] Max: Yeah. So individuals who have autism and some others who have adhd like yourself, or even Add, like structure, and when structure is, you know, off balance or gets thrown out the window, there are diverse individuals like myself tend to really just can't handle it. As I've gotten older, I've gotten much more used to it. I've gotten a lot of behavioral therapies that have really through, like, ot, occupational therapy, speech therapy, cbt, and just joining activities that have helped my brain and my autism to get structured to everyday life. But when I was very little, like eight through twelve, it was really difficult for me. [0:06:12] Brianne Davis: Yeah. Can you take us back to that difficulty? And I also wanted to ask, did your parents have difficulty as well? Like I said, my mom it was very hard for my mom, god bless her, I love her, but they don't teach parents how. There's no manual to how to help your child when they're struggling. So how did your parents handle it? [0:06:36] Max: So actually, it's weird. I've never really asked my parents how they handled it. [0:06:41] Brianne Davis: Really? [0:06:43] Max: No. [0:06:44] Brianne Davis: Oh, my God. Let's get them on. [0:06:49] Max: Just some backtrack. My parents are actually divorced. They divorced when I was like, eight or nine. But even though they divorced and I think they did a fairly good job with trying to structure things and trying to keep me occupied. And both of my parents remarried, and my stepparents my step dad and step mom are really helpful and are still really helpful with me and getting acclimated to my autism. If I were to guess, I'm sure it was pretty stressful for them, especially when I was in elementary school, because they were trying to help me. And I have a younger sister who is 20 months younger than me, like two babies. [0:07:42] Brianne Davis: They had two babies at the same time. Oh, my God. God bless your parents. That's a lot of just one baby is hard enough. When people have, like, two indictments at the same time, it's like, oh, my God, god bless you. [0:07:55] Max: But yeah, I actually didn't understand the concept of divorce when I was nine. I just thought they were kind of doing what I considered in child's terms, like a rum springer. [0:08:09] Brianne Davis: I don't know. [0:08:09] Max: I just thought it was like a rum spring in my mind. I thought they were just taking a break. And it was when I was, like, ten years that I was like, that I learned the concept of divorce and whatnot. I just didn't get it. My dad moved out. Well, it helped him move things to his apartment. And I don't know, it just didn't really affect me. I don't know. [0:08:39] Brianne Davis: Interesting. [0:08:40] Max: I don't know why. Again, I think it was just this idea of a rum springer. Like, my dad was just taking a break and moving out the house. That was just, like, the first thing that came to mind for me. Like, at eight years old. [0:08:54] Brianne Davis: Nine years old, right. Okay. So there's your sister, and you and your parents are separated. And then how soon after did they get remarried? [0:09:05] Max: So my dad and my step mom got remarried when I was going into 7th grade. [0:09:14] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:09:16] Max: My mom and stepdad met when I was in fifth grade, and they were cohabitated for a while, and they just actually got married five years ago. [0:09:29] Brianne Davis: They waited they waited longer. [0:09:33] Max: Yeah. My stepdad has been presently in my life since I was probably eleven. [0:09:39] Brianne Davis: Can you tell me some of the things that you had to do differently from other kids? Just so I can, because I had to do flashcards. I had to go to tutors. It was really hard for me. I was so embarrassed on a daily basis at school. Like, I couldn't read in classes. If the teacher asked me, I'd be like, no, thank you. [0:10:02] Max: So I had an eight until I was in 7th grade, I think. I think it was 7th. And I also had, like, academic enrichment. So that was a combination of that that just helped me with study skills and managing my homework. And I have something called executive processing. So executive processing means that when someone says something or when someone is talking, you might not be able to code all the information at a faster pace as a neuro typical person does. [0:10:45] Brianne Davis: Right. [0:10:46] Max: So executive processing was an issue. I would say those were, like, the big three, like, organization, executive processing, and definitely, like, managing, like, my mood from, you know, like, if anything was, like, off balance, just, like, trying to manage my mood. [0:11:08] Brianne Davis: So what are some of those tools that you learned? Can you remember? [0:11:15] Max: One of the things for executive processing that I guess I could say as a life saver was when I was 16. So my sophomore year, my mom is really my speech therapist had found that there was this thing that came out, and it's called the listening program. And it was like this brand new how do I say it's? This brand new technological system that helps integrate the two parts of your brain to communicate with each other. [0:11:50] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:11:50] Max: So what was happening was before I was 16, the left and right side of my brain were not communicating with each other. And that's why I was struggling with reading. I wasn't really struggling, but it was taking me longer to understand reading passages or trying to organize my essays or even just and it also goes back to communicating with my peers. Like this listening program, I've been doing it for twelve years. It helps me communicate with my peers because there's different levels in the listening program, and it involves executive functioning, processing, and communication. And also I think there's like a part where it involves motor skills. So like motor ability. So not falling down. Yeah, and I started doing it when I was 16. Essentially what you do is that you listen to these headphones. When I got them, it was through an ipod, because this was back in 2010, and it was the structured headphones with the ipod. And you essentially listen to orchestra music. Oh yeah, you listen to orchestra music and you're listening to different instruments, but basically you're listening to different instruments at the same time. [0:13:30] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:13:30] Max: And what it does is that it helps the two parts of your brain, your left and right brain, to communicate with one another. There's actually an app for it. So I just have the app on my phone and I listen to it through these Sony headphones that I have here. [0:13:48] Brianne Davis: Can you share the app in case anyone yeah, if anything's resonating, let's share the app to help. What is it called? [0:13:56] Max: It's called abt listening program. Yeah, it's an app. I'm just looking at it now. It's called the listening program. By advanced brain technologies, I believe. And I'm not 100% sure. I think it's when you start it's $35 a month. [0:14:19] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:14:20] Max: That's what I currently pay. I think when it first came out, it was a lot more expensive because you had to get the actual kit and the ipod. I don't know if they have that anymore because technology has evolved last twelve years, but there's like an actual website for it and their headquarters are in Utah. I would 100% recommend it. I guess you could say it was a lifesaver because I've been using it for the last almost 13 years. [0:14:53] Brianne Davis: Yeah, I would say it's an effective tool if you've been using it for 13 years. But when you just said reading comprehension, all of that literally my entire body was like, I know how that feels. So would you be in class in school? Did other kids know you are autistic? Or did they just think you had a learning disability? How did you handle that stress? Because I didn't handle it well. I really like, shut down as a human. I let my learning disability kind of run my life. But it sounds like you had such great support. So how was that for you? [0:15:30] Max: I think in middle school and early high school, it was very difficult because I really wanted to have friends and a cohort of friends, but I didn't have that. And the other thing was, when I was in 7th grade, I moved I moved to a new town. So moving in middle school middle school is awkward in general, but moving middle school is torture. [0:15:58] Brianne Davis: Torture. [0:16:00] Max: It's awkwardness on top of awkwardness. So I moved at a very, I guess you could say a very bizarre time in my life. 7th, 8th and 9th grade were pretty awkward. I think the main things that really helped me were when I started running in 7th grade. And that really helped because when I was doing an extracurricular activity, I had done swimming before, but this really helped my social emotional behavior because I was doing a team sport. So I did cross country track, and I did that competitively for ten years. I did it for 7th grade until my senior year of college. So that helped me be part of. [0:16:59] Brianne Davis: A team, be part of something other than yourself. So that would be like, if you have a child, maybe getting them into a sport that they enjoy, obviously not pushing it on them, they have to enjoy it. But that might be something, because I didn't do that. I didn't join any sports or anything. [0:17:15] Max: Yeah, okay, so I joined a sport. I don't know how your high school was, but my high school was very competitive, and when I got to high school, I don't know, I kind of just hit the ground running. I really wanted to do well in high school for myself, so I pushed myself, probably pushed myself a little bit too hard at times. So I did track and cross country. [0:17:47] Brianne Davis: You were overachiever. [0:17:48] Max: Yeah, I was an overachiever. [0:17:51] Brianne Davis: I was not. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't want to do any of that. I was, like, not interested. [0:17:58] Max: I was hardcore over achiever. I just choir. I was in the National Honor Society. I did a couple you thrived. [0:18:08] Brianne Davis: Maybe you should be doing this and I should be coming on, talking about the secret of my learning disability and being bullied. You thrived like, you really did. [0:18:18] Max: Yeah, I took five AP classes. I was in the National Honor Society, people. So, yeah, to say, like, I was an overachiever was an understatement. But again, I went to a very competitive high school. Like, people in my high school went to ivy League schools in, like, Stanford and georgetown and emery, so, like, those very top niche schools, and I wanted to fit in with my peers. [0:18:53] Brianne Davis: Well, here's the thing. It's like when you're saying that right now, it's really beautiful because you took something that made you different and you got the tools, and it sounds like your parents really supported you and got you what you needed to keep succeeding in our society is whatever you want to call it, but you really just thrived. And it almost gave you this upper hand of your unique in a beautiful way. Because I believe people with autism are learning disabilities. Our brains work differently, and there is a very beautiful thing I see now, but I still have residue of being bullied. Did you ever get bullied or no? [0:19:34] Max: A little bit in 8th grade. [0:19:36] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:19:38] Max: But I actually went to the guidance counselor because I was getting bullied because I was not happy. But the thing is, Brian, I did not like having autism. And I think, in a way, I was almost trying to make myself try to be neurotypical. So while I was really thriving and pushing myself, I was almost, like, trying to I was trying to push myself. [0:20:09] Brianne Davis: Out of autism and run from it. Like, keep it a lie almost to yourself a secret almost to yourself. It's not there. It's not there. It's not there. [0:20:19] Max: I basically was telling myself, by the time I graduated from high school, I have to be cured or get all my support out. I think it was something along the lines of, like, I can't have any more support after I graduate. These are the four years that I have to crunch down and grind and make sure that I can be independent and self sufficient by 18. But I think I took that almost a little bit too personally and literally because everyone had support services beyond high school. And, like, I wish I had known that because I don't think I would have stressed myself out or would have stretched myself in all the time, because I think I pushed myself. I'm glad that I pushed myself, but I was almost pushing myself in a way to survive. [0:21:23] Brianne Davis: Yeah, it is, like, superhuman effort. It's like this superhuman effort. And then you get to what, graduating high school and then did you just give up all your support system? What happened? [0:21:36] Max: When I graduated high school, I was actually kind of burnt out, to be honest. [0:21:42] Brianne Davis: You think, jeez, I'm burnt out. While you're telling me everything you were doing. I'm like, can I take a nap? Like, I'm tired. [0:21:50] Max: Yeah, I was definitely burnt out a little bit. But back in 2012, the expectation was to go to college. [0:22:00] Brianne Davis: Yes, but now they say you shouldn't go to college. Just so you know, like, new studies are saying you can actually do better without college. [0:22:08] Max: Yeah. So I wish I had taken, like, maybe a break or maybe taking a semester off just to chill out a little bit. But I was still in that go go attitude and, like, wanting to thrive. And when I got to college, even though I could utilize my support systems, I could get extra time on test, and I could take a test in a quiet room. I wasn't using that at first. And looking back on that, I kind of think I'm the biggest idiot because I was shooting myself on the phone. [0:22:47] Brianne Davis: Yeah. No, I did too. Like, taking the sats and tests. I didn't use those extra tools I could have because I didn't want to feel different from anybody else. [0:22:57] Max: Yeah. So when I got to college, I was trying to essentially trying to be like the typical college student that you see in TV and media, and I was shooting myself in the foot, and I'm like, I can't do this. My parents are paying a lot of money for me to go here, and I want to do well. And what made me feel more comfortable about myself when I got to college is unlike high school or even like the K through twelve system, I think how people in college tend to be a little bit more open about their vulnerabilities. So that's what I talked about in my Ted Talk was that people had these invisible letters. So for me, my invisible letter was A for autism. But I had met people, whether it was like, my track team and I was also in Greek Life or through other organizations who are going through these insecurities, and you would have never known it. So it made me feel like, less alone. And that's when I realized I had to be more authentic to myself. [0:24:16] Brianne Davis: So what do you remember, like, the first step doing it, doing the Ted Talk? Was that like, the moment you felt a freedom from that bondage of self, or was there a moment you can remember that you're like, aha, that was like, the thing that something switched. [0:24:34] Max: So I guess you could say, like, I started to reveal that I was autistic in little baby steps. So I reveal to my classmates I had autism in my senior year because I shared my college speech in a class. And I remember that was like, the first time that I had done that. And then I think it was around like, my sophomore year of college, that's when I started to, like, meet people. It wasn't really a specific person. It was just like different friends or acquaintances who are kind of just going through different vulnerabilities that you would have. [0:25:16] Brianne Davis: Never life struggles, things. [0:25:18] Max: Yeah, and that's what made me reveal my own insecurities and what I had gone through. [0:25:27] Brianne Davis: Here's my question, though. Did you have any backlash? Did anybody ever make you feel bad? Or was it just this warm, like, we accept you for who you are? [0:25:41] Max: Everyone was accepting. I had one teammates, and I'm not going to go into a lot of detail about this. He just did not like me for personal reasons and essentially was trying to bully me. But that's just like another therapy session, you know? [0:26:02] Brianne Davis: I love a good therapy session. Come on. No, but that's what I'm trying to teach my son what you just said. I said not everybody's going to like you and you're never going to understand why some people are just not going to like you. [0:26:14] Max: Yeah, at that point, I just didn't care and I didn't need permission for him to like me. But, yeah, I felt very welcome and it helped me succeed in college and I eventually did very well. I got this very prestigious award my senior year that was only given to, like, I think, 20 students. I went to graduate school and got a master's in higher ed, and currently my background is in research and evaluation. That's what I do for my current career. [0:26:55] Brianne Davis: Wow. You're still an overachiever, but that's a beautiful thing. It's like your autism didn't slow you down. It probably even made you even have more life experiences and learn more things in a different way. And you're actually making me proud that I have, like, a learning disability because for so long I kept it such a secret and I was in so much shame for sure. [0:27:20] Max: No neuro diverse people. They are like their own little what's the word? Their own little creature happened. You're an actor and you're starting this podcast. You have so much to be grateful for. [0:27:36] Brianne Davis: I know when I wrote a book and it was best seller and I was like, oh, my God, I did that. I built to this day, and I did that. What? Do you ever have those moments where you're like, I did that, like your Ted Talk where you're like, I did that. Well, thank you so much for coming on, but I do have a couple more questions before if there's any parents out there or anybody that's like, oh, my God, this is hitting a core of something going on with my child or even with myself. What would be your first advice for them? [0:28:09] Max: Don't freak out. [0:28:12] Brianne Davis: Don't go into panic. [0:28:14] Max: Don't freak out. I think my best well, the one thing I would recommend is looking into the listening program. I mean, like, to say that was a lifesavers and understatement. Okay. Get your child involved in extracurricular activities. Obviously, they have to enjoy it. If they're not enjoying it, then you don't want to push them too hard because then they're going to get acclimated, like you said, into doing something outside of themselves internally. [0:28:51] Brianne Davis: Well, thank you. And we will link that learning app and learning program below so people can go to it and see what it is and all that. Is there anything else you want the listeners to know about your journey, about releasing yourself of the secret and baby steps throughout the years? Is there any closing words you want to say? [0:29:12] Max: I just want to say thank you to my family and friends who believed in me when there were times I didn't believe in myself. [0:29:21] Brianne Davis: That makes me want to cry. Where can people find you if they have any questions or anything. [0:29:27] Max: Yeah, so they can email me. My email is Maxorden korten, 26, at@gmail.com. I would also say for people, because there's also been a growing trend of adults being diagnosed with autism. There's a LinkedIn group that I follow. It's called Non neurodivergent. I think that's the name of it. [0:29:55] Brianne Davis: Okay. [0:29:55] Max: But it's for professionals who are neuro divergent, and just trying to navigate the workforce really helps me because when I started working, I really didn't know any other nerdive, urgent individuals in the workforce. [0:30:14] Brianne Davis: Thank you so much for sharing that and thank you for coming on. [0:30:19] Max: Thank you, Brian. [0:30:20] Brianne Davis: If you want to be on the show, please email me at secretlifepodcast@icloud.com. Until next time, thanks again for listening to the show. Please subscribe rate share or send me a note at secretlifepodcast.com. And if you'd like to check out my book, head over to secretlifenovel.com or Amazon to pick up a copy for yourself or someone you love. Thanks again. See you soon. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/secret-life/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy | |||