Raising Mentally Healthy Kids with Michelle Nietert (Michelle Nietert)

Joining Michelle Today is Suzanne Eller. Suzie is a Proverbs 31 Ministries writer, bestselling author, and listed in the Top 100 Christian women bloggers three years in a row. Releasing this week is her new bio, "Come With Me: A Year of Walking With Jesus" which we are focusing on and for every woman who pre-orders a copy, she is giving one to a woman in need. We hope you enjoy as they talk about criticism, rejection, divorce, and the power of forgiveness!

Did you know that by managing your mind you can change your physical brain? In this episode, I’m speaking with Neuroscientist and Mental Health Expert Dr. Caroline Leaf about how understanding the difference between the mind, the brain, thoughts, and emotions as well as how they work with one another can help us realize the agency we have over our lives. Through her work specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology, Dr. Leaf has developed a 5-step program to further demonstrate the effectiveness of mind-directed techniques to help relieve mental ill-health problems such as anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts.

Key points from our conversation:

🧠 Your brain is a physical part of you; your mind is what drives you. It is your “aliveness”. It is the thing that generates energy through the brain itself giving us agency and a sense of control.

⛓️ In psychology, our mind is reflected through thinking, feeling, and choosing. They cannot be separated.

🤒 Every cell in the body is run by the mind. When we have a messy mind, we have a messy body which makes us vulnerable to illness.

⚠️ We need to look at mental health differently. Anxiety and depression are not illnesses. 100% of people battle with these feelings because they’re normal reactions to adversity in life. They provide a warning signal of an underlying cause.

🥺 We’ve become too focused on the brain and the body, but not the underlying cause in the mind. If we teach it’s okay to get anxious and depressed, that it’s a normal response, it helps identify the root cause.

🌳 Thoughts look like trees in the mind. Thoughts have root memories and branch memories. Root memories are what’s happening, the branches are the interpretation.

🔎 We need to recognize the emotional warning signal, be a thought detective and find the root of it, then uproot the thought by reconceptualizing how to best manage it.

Resources mentioned:

Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess
Neurocycle app
Cleaning Up the Mental Mess Podcast
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with Caroline: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

It's hard to let go of our kids and watch them face the struggles of this world. In this episode Michelle and her guest Proverbs 31 speaker Lynn Cowell discuss practical ways to instill independence and confidence in your child(ren) as they develop throughout childhood all the way to releasing them as leave the home. We want our kids to know even as they continue to become more independent that we are on their team and available to them.  This episode discusses the importance of not doing everything for them but still being available to encourage their hearts and be their safety nets when they truly need one. 

As the episode continues they discuss and challenge all of us to model confidence and trust in God to our children empowering them to embrace that as well. We can have confidence knowing that God not only goes before them but works in and through them in all aspects of their every day lives. 

Lynn is the author of Brave Beauty, a new book releasing for tween girls in the coming week. 

Listeners can discover more about Lynn at http://lynncowell.com/. 

The book can be purchased at Amazon by following this link: bit.ly/2bravebeauty 

You can find more formation about the book by going on social media and searching for #bravebeautybook

Be sure to visit http://michellenietert.com/blog/ as often Michelle posts additional resources she discusses in her podcast episodes such as the one today. 

If you are local to the Dallas area, and looking for additional support. Michelle and her staff would love to assist you. You can find out more information about their services at http://www.communitycounselingassociates.com/. 

Thanks for listening to today's episode. If you like what you hear we encourage you to subscribe and leave a 5 star review with your thoughts. 

Today I wanted to introduce to you the latest season of my podcast, Raising Brave Beauties, with Lynn Cowell! We hope to empower mothers and daughters listening together to find the love and confidence that comes through Christ.

We’re going to cover:

👩🏻‍🦱 Instilling the values of being a Brave Beauty in your adolescent daughter.

👩‍👧 Handling hard days, friendships, and having fun together.

📅 Preparing for life instead of reacting to it.

❤️ Determining our worth by the unconditional love of Christ.

Also, be sure to preorder our latest book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotions for Girls” available on Amazon. bit.ly/LovedandCherished

We’d love to hear from you! Whether you have a question for one of us, have a guest recommendation or topic suggestion.   You can connect with us at https://lovedandcherished.me/

In this episode, Michelle discusses how to develop great socials skills in your child with guest Cory Bertrand, Licensed Professional Counselor at Community Counseling Associates in the Dallas Fort Worth area.

Joining Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert today on Counselor Thoughts is Mary DeMuth, author of 30 books translated into 5 languages and the founder of the Restory Conference, a local event coming to the DFW area on September 16th. In this episode, Mary and Michelle discuss the idea not only of reframing a life event but also seeing the hope that comes when we heal from our past.  Whether it involves traumatic relationships, divorce, a move or ending of a relationship or friendship we once held dear, many of us long to restory our lives so that we can create a new story filled with belonging, freedom and new life.  The discussion also includes practical ways a parent can coach their children towards healthy friendships and specific ways they can pray for their children as they face life struggles.

If you’d like more information on Mary and her resources please visit http://www.marydemuth.com. The Restory Conference is a Saturday morning event and ticket prices will increase on September 8th.  I’d love to see you there and you can learn more about the conference and purchase tickets at https://www.restoryconference.us. 

Thanks again for joining Counselor Thoughts. If you have questions for Michelle or suggestions for future episodes, feel free to contact her - michelle@counselorthoughts.com and if you are enjoying this podcast, we encourage you to subscribe and tell us and others what you think by leaving a review.

Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God: Encouragement to Refresh Your Soul (Hearts at Home Book) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0736915001/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_8gnQzbKP2V7MG

Building the Christian Family You Never Had: A Practical Guide for Pioneer Parents https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400070317/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_iinQzb0AY710C

Often our children’s first experience with death is the loss of a pet. In the second half of my interview with Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling Sissy Goff, M. Ed., LPC-MHSP, we’re talking about how we can help our kids process loss and teach them about grief. We’re also offering some helpful tips on how to gauge how well your child is moving through the grieving process and when it’s time to seek professional help.

Key points from our conversation:

🐶 It’s important to honor the loss with kids and give them the time and space to grieve. Sometimes we don’t want to see our kids hurting so we circumvent the process.

💔 Sometimes acknowledging your child’s pain is enough. All kids experience grief differently and will need to honor their pets in different ways.

🤐 Sometimes because we’re also grieving children won’t express their emotions because they don’t want to make us sadder. Their grief may be more significant than we know.

🧠 Normalize mental health checkups. It gives your child a safe place so if something happens, they already have an established relationship.

✉️ Encourage your child to write a letter to the pet or memorize it some way. Tell your kids that it’s okay to talk to their pets in heaven. Remembering is not bad, it’s good.

😢 Occasionally ask your child on a scale of 1-10 how sad they are about the loss. The number should be naturally going down over time. If not, it’s time to seek a counselor.

💬 Communicate to your kids that there’s nothing we together with God can’t get through. Give them hope and strength in the knowledge that you are capable. It might require help, but it’s okay to ask for help. If you do appear fragile, they will likely hide things from you.

Resources mentioned:
Braver, Stronger, Smarter: A Girl’s Guide to Overcoming Worry & Anxiety
Dog Heaven
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with Sissy: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Dr. Lucretia Berry of Brownicity and her 13-year-old daughter Sinclair!

Lucretia lives with her husband and three daughters in North Carolina. She has a Ph.D. in education and is an author, writer, and TED speaker.

We’re talking about:

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 Multi-ethnic families and appreciations for our differences and similarities

✝️ What God can do if we invest in our children

⏳Middle school is a strange time in life and the challenges that come with it

👩‍🏫Surrendering to the learning process & allowing God to teach your child

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

In this episode, I’m chatting with the authors of Every Little Win: How Celebrating Small Victories Can Lead to Big Joy Brooke and Todd Tilghman. You might recognize Todd as the winner of season 18 of NBC’s The Voice, but in this conversation, he and Brooke share how their focus on joy and celebrating every little win has helped them to overcome numerous challenges over their twenty-plus-year marriage. They also help us understand how we can help our children (and ourselves) battle negative thoughts through daily practices.

Key points from our conversation:

👂 It’s important for parents to say less and listen more. Try holding family meetings and allow each child to express what the family is doing well at, what the biggest issue is from their perspective, and what they think you could do better as parents.

🧠 Managing fear and anxiety comes from monitoring our thoughts, which affect our feelings. It’s important to model this for our children by battling our own thoughts first.

🙁 You’ll know when a child’s neurochemistry begins to change when overwhelm turns into hopelessness or depression.

🙏 The work of eliminating negative thoughts will take time. Pray, seek counseling, do the daily work, and if necessary, consider medication.

💊 With every major life transition comes grief. There’s no shame in getting some extra help with medication for difficult seasons.

✝️ We can’t rely on others to fix us, we have to turn to God and do the hard work of fixing ourselves - hopefully with the support of our partner.

🤝 We win when we can share our struggles with others and help them see they’re not alone.  

Connect with Todd: website | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with Brooke: Instagram | Facebook

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Maria Furlough and her 12-year-old daughter, Faith!

Maria lives with her husband, daughter, and four sons in North Carolina. She is the author of “Confident Moms, Confident Daughters” and leads the mission program at her church. More information about her can be found at www.mariafurlough.com.

We’re talking about:

👂🏻Becoming a better listener of your kids

😢How to manage sadness, fear, and anger

👩‍🏫 Being a student of your child as God has created them

💜God created you as you are to be a good mother – don’t doubt your abilities

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

Has blending families proven to a much bigger challenge than you anticipated? The key to a harmonious life may just be a perspective shift away.

In this episode, Michelle and author Gayla Grace (stepparentingwithgrace.com) breakdown five myths about stepfamily life that can help adjust expectations and bring the contentment you've been searching for.

Links

5 Myths About Step Family Life
Step Parenting with Grace

For additional show notes and resources discussed in this podcast, please visit michellenietert.com/podcast.

In the last episode of my series with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail about understanding healthy eating and eating disorders, we’re discussing what happens after your child is diagnosed with an eating disorder and what’s typically involved in a treatment plan. Ashley also walks through different types of beneficial behavioral therapies and offers some practical questions and resources you can use to keep your child focused on their values for long-term success.

Key points from our conversation:

🧬 Research is still being performed to determine if there is a genetic component to eating disorders, but we do know they can be mediated by environmental factors such as modeling appropriate eating habits and positive self-talk.

🩺 An eating disorder diagnosis rarely comes without an additional diagnosis of anxiety and/or depression. After your child has been diagnosed, their care team will include a doctor, counselor, and dietitian to address each condition. It’s not all about eating, it’s about mental health.

🧠 Treatment plans focus on control through various methods like cognitive behavioral therapy to reshape thoughts that aren’t rational or dialectical behavioral therapy to address mindfulness, intercommunication skills, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation.

🤝 If you’re the parent of a child with an eating disorder, externalizing the disorder can be helpful in recognizing it as an internal conflict, not a character issue. Focus on connective behaviors, not corrective.

👤 Kids with eating disorders often have an externalized identity instead of an internalized identity.

✝️ For treatment to have long-term success, you must replace the passion the person had for disordered eating with something else. Many people find spirituality or the belief in something bigger than themselves to be effective motivators.

🔎 Acceptance and commitment therapy involves determining your values and repeated assessment if your behaviors are aligned with those values.

Resources mentioned:
Children’s Health – Childhood Eating Disorders Treatment
FREE empathetic listening printable
Life without Ed
Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder
Skills Based Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
The Secret Language of Eating Disorders
8 Keys to Recovering from an Eating Disorder

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

In the second half of my conversation with the authors of Every Little Win: How Celebrating Small Victories Can Lead to Big Joy Brooke and Todd Tilghman, they’re sharing their journey of supporting their oldest son Eagan through difficulty in school and mental health issues that arose as a result. In this episode, they explain why and when they chose to seek professional help for their son, what the process looked like for them as parents, the changes they made to promote Eagan’s mental health, and different ways we can “win” when our children struggle with mental health complications.

Key points from our conversation:

🗣️ If your child tells you they’re struggling or self-harming, believe them and ask how you can support them well.

👂 School counselors may not be able to offer one-on-one counseling, but they are equipped to listen and connect parents with resources.

❓ A therapist can help by giving you knowledge so that you can ask your child better questions without violating their confidence.

🧠 If the mental health issue is severe, a counselor can send the child for an in-patient evaluation. If hospitalized, the child should be put on a treatment plan that helps them learn skills for healthy emotional processing.

🏥 Parents are often separated from the child for a short period after they’re admitted for in-patient treatment to give the child an opportunity to stabilize and focus on getting themselves well. Stays typically only last a few days before the child is sent home for a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient program.

🎒 You are your child’s biggest advocate. If their school environment is toxic and the administration is unable or unwilling to help, remove your child. There are multiple education options available.

🏆 We win when we confess our mistakes as parents. We win when we fight for our kids when things get hard. We win when we find others who can help in ways we can’t. We win when we ask our kids how can we help them.

Connect with Todd: website | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with Brooke: Instagram | Facebook

I want to ask you a simple, but hard question - “Are you really okay?” In this episode with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we’re focusing on how we as parents can do the hard work of building emotional awareness within ourselves so we can normalize talking about emotions within our homes. Debra also shares how our view of God, others, and self affects our spiritual health and offers a practical exercise you can do with your child to help them explore their emotions and create healthy conversations.

Key points from our conversation:

🩹 Healthy people make healthy relationships. So much of what we learn is modeled, so one of the best things was can do is take care of ourselves.

🌋 It’s crucial that we build emotional awareness. If we don’t release the emotions building under the surface in healthy ways, they will show up in an emotional outburst.

🎨 To help your child unpack their emotions, try the “feeling in my body” activity. Have the child draw an outline of their body and have them color it using different colors to show emotions in the body. The magic of the exercise is in the conversation it creates. It normalizes that it’s good and normal to talk about emotions.

❓ There are over 500 different emotions. Asking questions expands your child’s emotional vocabulary and helps them discover what they’re feeling and why.

✨ Emotions are real, but they are not always true. What makes emotions right or wrong is not feeling them, but what we do with that feeling. Emotional control means lining up what you feel with God’s truth.

✝️ Our view of God, others, and self are a big indicator of spiritual health because we often transfer our hurts to what we think about God. We must know what we truly believe about God. If we believe the wrong things, then our actions are rooted in the wrong things. The why is crucial.

❤️ What you believe about yourself determines the kind of relationship you believe you deserve.

Resources mentioned:

Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters
Printable feeling wheel
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Follow Debra: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

In society we're often told to try harder, but what would it look like to try softer? In this episode, I'm joined by author and therapist, Aundi Kolber who shares about what it means to try softer, how we can help our kids process the trauma stuck in their bodies, and what it means to co-regulate.  

Key points from our conversation:

🧠 Trauma is anything that overwhelms our nervous system and its capacity to cope. That trauma gets stuck in our bodies and must be processed. 

🧬 When trauma is "stuck," it doesn't metabolize through our bodies and our brains cannot recognize the difference between the past and the present. Certain cues may trigger a past experience as though it was happening now.

👁️ Trauma always involves a perception element that is influenced by development.

🩹 When a parent's nervous system is in the window of tolerance where it is functioning well, we have the capacity to help our kids experience connection and safety. 

✨ Our communication is mostly non-verbal. First, regulate yourself, then help your child by being present with them reassuring them that you see them and that they matter.

💙 Trying softer is learning to pay compassionate attention. It creates resistance because it isn't easy. It takes faith to trust that God will work when you are not. 

💪 Softness does not equal weakness. It is hard work to be soft. We don’t get there by pushing ourselves beyond capacity, it's a different kind of work that requires courage.

🤗 There is nothing more predictive of mental health than the ability to have a sense of safety internalized in your body.

Resources mentioned:

Try Harder
The Body Keeps the Score
The Search for Significance

Connect with Aundi: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

As parents we want to believe we know our own kids, but without understanding their temperaments we don’t have the full picture. In the second part of my conversation with John Trent and Dewey Wilson we’re breaking down the different personality types we have in our homes according to Dr. Trent’s four animal personality assessment and discussing how we can use that understanding to help encourage each other rather than cause friction in our relationships by exploring how they interact with one another. You can take the assessment for free at TheRelationallyIntelligentChild.com.

The Four Animal Personalities:

🦁 Lion

Strengths: Bold, adventurous, determined, and competitive, lions are “take charge” types who love solving big problems.

Challenges: Impulsive decision-making; can be too direct or impatient with others or doesn’t listen; may seem more interested in their goals than their relationships; bored by routine and chit-chat

🦦 Otter

Strengths: Energetic, fun-loving, and optimistic, otters can chat for hours and are great at motivating and inspiring others.

Challenges: Energized by novelty and so avoids details or lacks follow-through; overly trusting; may set unrealistic goals or seem unconcerned about risks or meeting deadlines

🐕 Golden Retriever

Strengths: Easygoing, empathetic, and loyal, golden retrievers are patient listeners and peacemakers who highly value their relationships with others.

Challenges: Easily hurt or holds a grudge; needs routine and time to process change or major decisions; ignores their own needs to keep the peace; explanations meander

Beaver

Strengths: Analytical and detail-oriented, beavers like to do a job well and to ponder all the implications before making a decision.

Challenges: Can frustrate others with their precision and desire for details; their impulse to troubleshoot new ideas can make them seem like a “wet blanket”; too critical of self and others.

Resources mentioned:

TheRelationallyIntelligentChild.com
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with John: website | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with Dewey: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

I am so excited to present to y’all my new podcast, Raising Mentally Healthy Kids. As a parent, you need to realize that your child’s mental health starts with your own mental health, and that’s what Episode 1 is all about! 

Key points from today's episode:

🧠 Raising mentally healthy kids doesn’t mean you can’t struggle with mental health as an adult.

😅 Mentally healthy parents exemplify to their kids how to manage emotions, handle unexpected circumstances, and walk with competence.

💬 Renew your mind by deciding how you want to feel and what thoughts you need to think to feel that way.

👟 Create movement with your kids and move with them!

🛏 Prioritize sleep! (Leave those dishes for tomorrow!!)

🥑 Find practical ways for your family to eat healthily. See if your health insurance covers one visit to a dietician so you can get family health ideas (most insurances do cover this).

⏱”The other 6 days and 23 hours”

❤️ Scripture referenced: Psalms 118:24, 1 Corinthians 6:19, Proverbs 29:18

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

If you've listened before, you'll notice something different about today's episode. Over the past four months, I've been doing a radio segment called Mental Health Monday for Magic 104.1 in Oklahoma City. We've covered a wide range of topics from how empathic listening can help our kids manage anxiety to setting healthy boundaries with our kids while we work from home. You can text any questions you'd like me to answer in upcoming segments to 405-460-5104!

Topics we cover:

🧠 (1:14) How can I know if my child is mentally healthy? What can we as parents do to help raise mentally healthy kids?

👂 (6:05) What is empathetic listening and how can it help my child's anxiety?

📚 (10:17) How can parents support a child who's struggling in school?

📱 (14:16) How much screen time is too much screen time? How can I help my kids use screens responsibly?

💔 (17:28) How can I help manage my child's loneliness when they're spending time home alone over the summer?

😱 (21:14) How do I keep my sanity when I'm working from home with kids in the house?

👭 (24:53) How do we know our kids are socializing enough? 

🎮 (27:33) Is my child spending too much time in their room?

🎒 (31:26) How can I help my child process their back-to-school anxiety?

Follow My Magic Morning Show: website | Instagram | Facebook

In the second half of my conversation with Certified Licensed Professional Counselor Lori Vann, we’re continuing our discussion about non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) including why it can be dangerous to punish or ignore a child engaging in self-harm, what’s involved in a good treatment plan from a specialized counselor, and what to do when you don’t see your child’s behaviors improving.

Key points from our conversation:

💣 It can be dangerous to punish or ignore a child involved in self-harm. Although self-injury is not a suicide attempt, there is a suicide correlation. The intent matters.

🗣️ It’s vital to find a counselor who specializes in self-injury. Interview the counselor and ask general questions. There are a lot of resources and different therapies that are effective.

✍️ For a coping skill to be effective, it needs to match the trigger for self-harm. Often the child wants people to know how they’re feeling, but they don’t have the words. It can be helpful for some kids to draw on their skin. Skin-to-skin touch can be a calming technique and it grounds them on a visual and physical level.

😔 It’s important the child doesn’t feel shame. Model self-compassion and be a safe family to talk about emotions feely. Meet the child where they are and help them manage their emotions in different ways.

✨ Perfectionism and self-injury have a connection. There’s a control dynamic. It’s not an act of rebellion, it’s a cry for help.

🤝 Treatment should be a collaborative effort among the counselor, parents, and child. Parents should get updates and tips from the counselor to better understand what’s happening. If the parents and child are in conflict, it can be beneficial to get family counseling from a different counselor. Good family therapy addresses the family’s communication style and rules as well as how they deal with emotions.

🩹 If you have previously engaged in self-harm, be honest with your child about it. Teach them the coping skills that helped you learn how to get through it. You don’t need to go into detail or give a lecture. Let them know you’ll answer any questions.

Resources mentioned:

Lori interviews Dr. Phil about Self-Injury and Suicide
Institute for Non-Suicidal Self-Injury Instagram

Lori Vann has been privileged to be called by her professional peers “the Guru” and an “authority” on Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, in addition, to being considered one of the top counselors in the Metroplex when it comes to developing interns into highly ethical and professional counselors who are sought after by counseling centers.  Her 20+ years of counseling experience in a variety of locations from inpatient psychiatric, non-profit, school districts, outpatient clinics to private practice has provided her with a unique, well-rounded perspective that benefits not only her staff, her interns, the licensed counselors she trains during her ethics’ events, but also the community.

Follow Lori: website | Instagram | Facebook

As we talk about raising mentally healthy kids, I can’t think of a more relevant topic right now for all of us than anxiety. Worry and anxiety seemed to have peaked in our country as COVID-19 hit, but it certainly has not disappeared. And while we as adults tend to focus on the big life things, kids are still dealing with the natural anxieties of adolescence. In this episode I’m talking with the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries Sissy Goff, M. Ed., LPC-MHSP about some practical things we can do to help our kids socially, emotionally, spiritually, and functionally develop well.

Key points from our conversation:

💕 When we view our child’s behavior as manipulative or controlling, it’s important to remember that behavior is a form of communication. Understanding that we do not face the same dynamics as our kids can help us move us to a place of empathy and compassion.

⚖️ Our goal should not be just to teach our children how to respond but to learn how to respond in a way that best suits them. We may have to self-regulate ourselves first as parents.

👂 When kids talk about their worries, reassurance can sometimes come off as minimizing or fixing. And when parents minimize, kids respond more dynamically to be heard. You kids are going to have worries; it’s important to slow down, listen, and validate their worry even if you don’t share their perspective.

😠 Children who struggle with anxiety care deeply which means they may bury what they consider negative emotions because they don’t feel they’re appropriate. Perfectionistic tendencies can lead to eating disorders or self-harm.

Practical tips to help your child manage anxiety:

🤢 If your child struggles with anxiety causing vomiting or an upset stomach, speak to their teacher and let them know the student may need to exit suddenly. Seat them near the door and make sure they have a safe place to go like the nurses’ office.

⏱️ Some kids need to sit with their emotions longer than others. When you get frustrated that they aren’t moving faster, give them 10 more minutes.

🧏 Practice reflective listening to make sure your child feels heard and understood.

✨ Avoid telling your child there is hope. Instead, ask them where they feel there is hope.

🗣️ Ask “is there anything else you want to share about that?” If we fill in the gaps with our own words, our kids are less likely to share openly, especially adolescents.

🎧 When you’re in the car and want to ask your child questions, try turning on music to give them space so they don’t have to speak. Allow them time to decompress.

🐶 Pets can be good therapy for kids. Petting can be soothing but having someone who loves you unconditionally can do immeasurable good. Having something to talk to can help kids get what is on the inside to the outside.

Resources mentioned:

Are My Kids on Track
Raising Worry-Free Girls: Helping Your Daughter Feel Braver, Stronger, and Smarter in an Anxious World
Raising Boys and Girls Instagram
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with Sissy: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

As much as we may try, we can’t avoid conflict and have healthy relationships. In this episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece, we’re sharing some skills to help you engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. While most of this conversation is focused on spouses, these communication skills will impact every relationship in your life and change the dynamic of your household.

Key points from our conversation:

💍 All marriages struggle, but you can choose to engage in a way that shows honor or one that causes destruction. The first 5 to 7 years of marriage are hard with the hardest being the year when you have your first child.

❤️ A sound relationship begins on the firm foundation of knowing each other. Partners should begin by building a “Love Map,” which is the essential guide to your partner’s inner world. In an ideal relationship, you and your partner know each other better than anyone else. Start by listening to each other one minute at a time.

💋 Couples need to be comfortable talking about sex outside the bedroom. You’re also going to need to be able to talk to your kids about sex.

😡 Before engaging in a conflict discussion, emotionally self-regulate so that you can approach the other person softly. A hard approach can cause unwanted conflict. Don’t have conversations when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

🕒 When you feel yourself moving out of your tolerance window, set a time and place to revisit the conversation.

🧠 Teach kids coping skills to use when flooded such as listening to music, watching a funny video on YouTube, or calling a friend.

The “four horsemen” of conflict:

1. Criticism – Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. Criticizing is an attack on your partner at the core of their character.
2. Contempt - When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce.
3. Defensiveness - This is typically a response to criticism. When we feel unjustly accused, we respond in a way that guards you so that you can’t get to the root of the issue.
4. Stonewalling - Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner.

Resources Mentioned:

Gottman Bible Guide

Soul Grit Podcast

Soul Grit Counseling

Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track

Gottman Card Decks App

Sound Relationship House

Celebrate Kids

When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love

Follow Ann: website | Instagram | Facebook

The best way to teach our children healthy behaviors is by modeling them, but as parents, we often find ourselves too busy to exercise, eat healthy meals, or get enough sleep. In the second half of my chat with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we discuss how faulty perceptions affect our decision-making, why seeking professional help for mental health is taboo in the Christian church, how our emotional health is linked to our physical health, and some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene. 

Key points from our conversation:

🧠What you think impacts how you feel, which impacts what you do. When talking about mental and emotional health, we always want to start by addressing a thought process.

🚫Cognitive distortion is a faulty way of thinking that affects our decision-making. Examples include an all-or-nothing mentality, mindreading (assuming you know what another person is thinking), and catastrophizing.

🕒 It’s important to stay in the present instead of focusing on what happened in the past or what may happen in the future.

✝️ Often Christians are afraid to admit they need help because they believe it indicates a deficit of faith. Struggling with mental health does not reflect a character issue, it reflects a chemical issue.

🙁 It’s important to help our children process through the hard stuff. Trauma doesn’t have to be abuse or abandonment, it can be grief or disappointment. We often try to ignore trauma and hope time will heal, but things can get worse if not addressed.

🏃‍♀️ Your physical health is linked to your emotional health. We need to be intentional about regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep and model it for our children. If you notice a pattern of disrupted sleep or a change in appetite, energy levels, or ability to concentrate, it could be a sign of a deeper issue.

💤 Some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene include limiting screen time, aroma therapy, drinking something warm, limiting caffeine intake, and keeping similar waking and bedtime hours.

Resources mentioned:

Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters

More Than Moody: Recognizing and Treating Adolescent Depression

Follow Debra: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

Both parents and students struggle with perfectionism especially when it comes to academic performance. Join counselor Michelle Nietert as she talks with author and mom of 5 adult children Jill Savage about the 10 Dangers of the Perfection Infection and some helpful antidotes.

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by expert Katie Reid and her 16-year-old daughter Brooklyn!

Katie lives in central Michigan with her five kids and husband Adam. She is the author of Made like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Stuff Done, as well as a blogger, singer, and speaker.

We’re talking about:

👂 Being an active listener for your daughter

❓ Important follow-up questions to ask when they confide in you

⚖  Balancing their desire for independence with your desire to connect

🎀 Seeing your child as God created them uniquely, instead of an extension of yourself

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September! 🌸✨📚

In the last two episodes, I’ve been joined by Todd and Brooke Tilghman who have shared about their journey with their son who has battled with depression and anxiety, but this episode is a bit different. In this conversation, Brooke gets candid about her mental health struggles with post-partum depression and anxiety, as well as the tension she’s felt as a Christian who has found medication effective in treating her symptoms. She also offers hope to struggling parents that the situation is temporary and you don’t have to be driven by your feelings or fear.

Key points from our conversation:

✨ It might feel as though things will never change, but that’s a lie. It requires intentionality, but we can have hope through bad feelings.

💜 Your diagnosis is not your destiny, it’s a snapshot of your life. We’re bigger than our worst moments. The struggle doesn’t change who you are as a person.

💊 It’s difficult to experience God when you’re depressed. Taking medication helped balance Brooke neurochemically so she could fight spiritually.

👎 You may not recognize when you’re stepping into depression. Be on the lookout for feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.

🧠 People want to feel a certain way, but you have to learn how to think a different way and that takes time. Give yourself grace. Just because you don’t feel happy doesn’t mean you’re not doing the work.  

🤝Accept feelings and stop judging them. Don’t let them drive.

✝️ Learn to recognize when symptoms are coming and use the tools you have. Remember that the worst-case scenario is getting depressed again, but the Lord brought you out last time and He can bring you out again. Don’t let fear drive you.  

Resources mentioned:

Make Up Your Mind: Unlock Your Thoughts, Transform Your Life

Connect with Brooke: Instagram | Facebook

One of the things I’ve been asked most about this fall is how we as parents can help prepare our kids to return to school. For this episode, I’ve invited my friend and Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor Melissa Clark to talk about how we can help empower our children to be flexible, confident, and competent this semester and offer some strategies to create a safe space for your anxious kid to process in a healthy way.

Key points from our conversation:

🚌 When encouraging an anxious child to return to school or other social situations, you need to know the difference between pain and pressure. There is no definitive line; you will know what they need by spending time with them.

✨ It’s challenging, but it’s important for us to be reflective of how God uniquely made our children and ask how we can shepherd them well; not coddling them but helping them make better decisions.

😷 As kids return to school with varying mask protocols, it’s important for them to practice flexibility and the best way for us to help them learn is to model it ourselves.

🎒 Anxiety is a feeling of powerlessness, so it can be helpful to make a plan with your child about navigating their day and finding safe spaces. “When we take control over what we can in the present, it shapes resiliency.”

🗣️ We should be helping our kids (especially younger kids) build their feelings vocabulary and teaching them to express their emotions. It can be helpful to use a feelings chart.

😫 If your child gets overwhelmed, give them a safe space to process. Try journaling. Offer to send them to a counselor or find mentors they can speak with. Spend one on one time with them and ask them what emotions they’re experiencing.

Connect with Melissa: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

With so many young adults struggling with anxiety and depression as they return to school after the holidays, I wanted to release a bonus episode answering questions from author Melissa Spoelstra about parenting young adults who need to find a counselor. In this episode, we’ll discuss some practical aspects such as insurance coverage and the variety of mental health professionals available to help your child as well as offer you some tips on questions to ask prospective counselors, when it’s time to seek professional help, and how to encourage your child to get help without offending them.

Key points from our conversation:

🩺 If insurance is a deal-breaker, call your company and get the names of 10 Christian counselors that are in-network, then narrow them down by finding out who is taking new patients. Have your child do research online like reading bios and watching videos to see who they connect with best. Telehealth may be a good option if you’re in a rural area.

✝️ Therapists use different approaches when it comes to treatment. When interviewing prospective counselors, have your child ask if they are a Christian who does counseling or if they integrate faith into best counseling practices. Also, ask if they are a biblical counselor who doesn’t integrate psychology and if they are a directive or non-directive therapist.

🚨 If your young adult tends to change their mind about counseling, but chronic problems persist, encourage them to find a counselor as quickly as possible. Use the urgency to prevent a future emergency.

🗣️ If your child is resistant because they view counseling as a sign of weakness, normalize it. Since 2020, 40% of young adults 18-24 are experiencing diagnosable anxiety and depression. Practice empathic listening and try changing the verbiage from “you need counseling” to “you could benefit from counseling.”

😖 Panic attacks are immediate criteria for therapy because it means they’re at a place where their mind is not able to control the body in such a way that things happen that are out of control.

🥼 Seeing a therapist should be as normal as seeing a doctor. When in doubt, check it out.

🧠 You may not notice ADHD in your young adult before college because home life and school can provide a structure they can manage. Smarter kids can take even longer to diagnose because their intelligence compensates for their lack of executive management skills.

👂 When your young adult comes home and shares struggles, reassure them that you get it and they’re not alone. Engage them by asking how they would like to try to solve the problem. Offer to get them help, even if they get offended. If you’re the authority, you make the call even if they don’t want to. You know what’s best for them.

Resources mentioned:

Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson

Connect with Melissa: website | Instagram | Facebook

Recent studies suggest that 30% of the population will struggle with non-suicidal self-harming behaviors over their lifetime. For teenage girls, the risk is 1 in 4. In this episode with Certified Licensed Professional Counselor Lori Vann, we’re discussing why so many children cope through self-injury, the signs parents can look for if they believe their kids may be harming themselves, and how to approach your child in a way that leads to lasting change.

Key points from our conversation:

💬 It’s important to be proactive in talking to your kids about self-harming behaviors. They start getting exposed to these behaviors as early as elementary school through media, so parents should be keenly aware of what messages they’re receiving through television, movies, and music.

📺 When you notice self-injury references in media, ask your kids what they think the reference is about and what they think about the behavior, but be careful with your tone. Kids are intuitive and may change their answers if they sense you’re anxious.

🔪 Cutting is often considered the main presentation of self-harm, but Lori has identified 28 forms of self-injury. By the time a child has escalated to cutting, it’s likely there have been years of smaller forms of abuse. The escalation occurs when the action is no longer providing the emotional, psychological, and/or physiological release than it did when they first started doing it.

✨ The endorphins released during a self-harming behavior will relieve physical pain as well as emotional pain. Sometimes kids will teach other children to use these behaviors as a method of coping.

🩺 If you find out your child is self-injuring, don’t overreact. Be proactive and calm and seek help from a professional. Self-injury is an addiction and should be treated as such.

🧠 You’re not a bad parent if your child is harming themselves. Kids get influenced in a variety of ways and they’re using it as a coping mechanism because they lack the skills to figure out what’s going on. A primal part of their brain is trying to regulate itself.

🤐 Overreacting to self-injury can actually cause more damage and cause the child to hide the behavior. Model having healthy hard conversations by making sure your emotions are in check before engaging with them and making sure they understand that they are not in trouble. Punishing self-harm exacerbates the issues you’re working to heal.

Resources mentioned:

A Caregiver's Guide to Self-Injury
Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation
A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain
Stopping the Pain: A Workbook for Teens Who Cut and Self Injure
SAFE program

Lori Vann has been privileged to be called by her professional peers “the Guru” and an “authority” on Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, in addition, to being considered one of the top counselors in the Metroplex when it comes to developing interns into highly ethical and professional counselors who are sought after by counseling centers.  Her 20+ years of counseling experience in a variety of locations from inpatient psychiatric, non-profit, school districts, outpatient clinics to private practice has provided her with a unique, well-rounded perspective that benefits not only her staff, her interns, the licensed counselors she trains during her ethics’ events, but also the community.

Follow Lori: website | Instagram | Facebook

Medical professionals often assess your mental health based on a set of symptoms rather than the biological data of what’s happening in your brain. In part one of my interview with one of America’s leading psychiatrists, Dr. Daniel Amen, we’re discussing how a brain-imaging tool called SPECT can help accurately identify underlying brain issues. He also walks through the model for addressing mental health from physical, relational, and spiritual aspects, explains why he prefers to use natural supplement support rather than medications and discusses possible causes of ADD.

Key points from our discussion:

🧬 SPECT (Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography) imaging is used to help accurately identify underlying brain issues that can contribute to symptoms. This means you get the right diagnosis and most effective treatment for faster healing.

🧠 Avoid the term “mental illness.” Mental health conditions are actually brain health issues that steal your mind. If you get your brain right, the mind will follow.

✨ You are not your diagnosis. Your symptoms can change with intervention.

🏥 The model for mental health treatment should address issues with the physical brain as well as stopping automatic negative thoughts and tackling bigger psychological issues. It also extends to our ability to create healthy connections in our relationships and the spiritual beliefs that anchor our behavior with purpose and meaning.

🌿 In his research, Dr. Amen has found that some medications made the brain better and some made it worse. Treatment using natural supplements supports and optimizes the physical functioning of the brain.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Kids with ADD typically have parents with ADD. It can also be induced by head trauma. People with ADD function better with structure.

Resources Mentioned:

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
AmenClincs.com

Follow Dr. Daniel Amen: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Blythe Daniel and her ten-year-old daughter Calyn!

Blythe lives in Colorado with her husband and their three children. She is a literary agent and marketer, as well as speaker and co-author of Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters. For more information, visit theblythedanielagency.com

We’re talking about:

🤸🏻‍♀Trying times with physical injuries and how to work through them emotionally and spiritually as a mother and daughter

How to increase your connection with your daughter as she starts to pull away from you in this season of life

We don’t have to wait until our daughters are grown to mend our relationships with them

🧏‍♀ Modeling an open conversation with your kids, and being a brave parent to make things right when you’re wrong

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Caris Snider and her daughter Zoe for a powerful, tear-moving episode on grief and loss. 

Caris is a mental health advocate, writer, speaker, and worship leader. She lives with her husband and two daughters in Alabama. Her passion for the Lord comes through as a survivor of anxiety and depression. You can find more information about her and her ministry at www.carissnider.com.

We’re talking about:

🏋🏻‍♀️ Difficult experiences lead to strong girls and women

💛Your emotions lose power over you once you acknowledge them - then you’re in charge

✝️God is near to the brokenhearted & can put those pieces back together in the ways only He can do

👯‍♀️ Teach your girls now that they are in this life together, for one another, instead of against one another

Listen via the link in bio or your favorite podcast platform! 

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me

Eating disorders are on the rise in the US as COVID has given kids more opportunities to spend time online. We know that social media impacts how we (especially girls) feel about our bodies, increasing anxiety and fueling eating disorders. In the first part of my conversation with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail, we’re discussing the different factors that can contribute to eating disorders, how you can identify if your kid is struggling with unhealthy eating behaviors, and advice about how to model appropriate behavior for your child.

Key points from our conversation:

🍴 Negative body image isn’t always involved in an eating disorder, especially in kids under 10. It could be avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) which is not driven by body or weight concerns. It could be they’ve had a bad experience with choking or allergies, GI complications, etc.

⬇️ There is no standard of average healthy weight loss per week. If you notice your child is losing weight rapidly, it’s important to focus on the how and why they’re losing rather than the number of pounds lost.

⭐ There are many factors that can contribute to eating disorders including genetics, personality and temperament, and social influences. Children that struggle with eating disorders are typically perfectionistic high achievers.

🏃‍♀️ Parents can help by being good students of their kids and making sure they’re getting their nutritional needs met despite their difficulties. It’s also important for parents to model healthy behaviors concerning food, exercise, and how they speak about their own bodies.

🍎 Research shows that because they’re based on rules, diets don’t work long term. Working with a dietitian can help you with your weight loss goal while modeling appropriate behavior. (It may even be covered by your insurance as preventative care.)

Resources mentioned:

Children’s Health – Childhood Eating Disorders Treatment
The Encouraging Dietitian
The Feel-Good Dietitian
FREE empathetic listening printable

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Rebecca Peet and her daughter 10-year-old daughter Myla for a refreshing episode on personality types and facing fears.

Rebecca has a background in theology and has worked in church ministry. She currently co-hosts a podcast, Woven, and is a certified Enneagram coach. She can be found on her website RebeccaPeet.com.

We’re talking about:

💛How to find a counselor for your child

😓 Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but walking through the fear

👩‍👧Using the Enneagram to become self-aware and a better parent

✈️ Planning new and exciting experiences and trips with your girl

Be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

One of the questions I get asked most is how to talk to kids about grief. Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to speeding up the grieving process. And grieving isn't just about the loss of a loved one, there are a number of losses we grieve, from loss of a dream to loss of health. In the first half of my conversation with coach Georgia Shaffer, she explains what health grieving looks like.  

Key points from our conversation:

💊 Kids are more susceptible to addiction when a loss occurs.

😢 6-18 months after a loss can be more difficult due in part to the loss of support you get immediately after death. Shock and numbness wear off and reality sets in.

💔 The "Five Stages of Grief" - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are not accurate. Grief takes far longer than anyone talks about.

🕰️ Time does not heal, it gives us tools and perspective to cope with our loss.

🤷‍♀️ We can’t ignore when our kids are grieving and we don’t understand why.

🥺 Modeling healthy grief means not ignoring the pain or covering it with busyness, comfort eating, or addictions.

😭 It’s okay to cry in front of your kids. It’s important to be able to talk about our feelings with our children.

😩 Sad is a basic emotion. Ask younger kids “how sad are you?” to gauge their level of emotion. Ask them when the last time they cried was. This is especially important with men to break the myth men don’t cry. If you don’t, it typically comes out in unhealthy anger.

😡 Dig deeper with words like "anger," "disappointed," "devastated," and "overwhelmed." Consult a feelings wheel to broaden your emotional vocabulary. 

⛹️‍♂️ Everyone grieves differently. Some withdraw, while some want to talk. Try doing an activity with your kids to give them the opportunity to open up.

✨ No feeling is good or bad, it’s what we do with the feelings that can be negative.

🧸 Kids sometimes want to cry, but they can’t. Play therapy can help them reconnect to their emotions.

⏳ Parents will need to be patient as kids grieve. If you stop the grieving process too soon with smaller losses (pets, etc.), they may not be comfortable sharing about the bigger losses.

💨 We can only deal with the pain a little at a time, so you have to let the pressure out gradually.

☹️ People experience emotions differently. You cannot compare grief, even within a family. Your pain is your pain.

👩‍⚕️ Therapy can be helpful because kids aren’t always comfortable revealing certain feelings to their parents, especially if it’s about that parent. They need someone they feel safe and comfortable speaking to. 

💙 It is not our kid's job to take care of our emotions. It’s our job to take care of them. 

Resources mentioned:

A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss
Grief Share

Connect with Georgia: website | Instagram | Facebook

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, we’re talking with Lee Nienhuis and her daughter Lexi Beth of leenienhuis.com.

She is the host of Moms in Prayer podcast https://momsinprayer.org/resources/podcast/ and author of Countercultural Parenting: Building Character in a World of Compromise.

We’re talking about:

😞How to handle disappointment in your child’s life and taking mental health days.

🌻Cultivating each child for who they are.

👏🏻How to support your highly motivated children.

🏃🏻‍♀️Perseverance in your faith journey.

🌱Recognize when your child is growing and when is the stretch too much.

Please help us spread the word by subscribing and leaving a review.

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon to be shipped in early September! bit.ly/LovedandCherished

We’d love to hear from you! Whether you have a question for one of us, have a guest recommendation or topic suggestion.   You can connect with us at https://lovedandcherished.me/

Have you noticed changes in your child’s behavior that have led you to believe they could be developing an eating disorder? In today’s episode, I’m continuing my conversation with clinical therapist Ashley Ariail about how we can approach our kids about unhealthy conduct, how to talk about our bodies without labels or judgment, and why it’s important to tackle the emotions behind eating disorders.

Key points from our conversation:

🗣️ Talking about an eating disorder will not trigger an eating disorder in a child. Approach them in a non-accusatory way and be honest about the unhealthy behaviors you’ve noticed. They may need to be addressed by a health care professional.

😥 Children often become concerned about their weight after a comment from someone else. It’s important to first ask them how the comment made them feel. “Eating disorders are fueled by suppressed emotions, so you’ll never go wrong by going after the feeling with your kid.”

💕 Our bodies are not for judging. They are our Earth suits and they’re to be treated with kindness. Teach your child to focus on what the body does for them, what they’re grateful for, and how to take care of it.

✨ Be vulnerable with your kids about your own eating struggles and body image challenges while sharing what’s helped and what you’re working on.

🥦 Food is not good or bad, it’s fuel for our bodies. Variety and moderation are the keys to everything.

Resources mentioned:

Children’s Health – Childhood Eating Disorders Treatment
Dietitian Anna Instagram
FREE empathetic listening printable

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

In our last episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece we talked about how we can engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. In the second part of our conversation, we’re discussing how we can repair the damage that’s already been caused, specifically in our family relationships.

Key points from our conversation:

🩹 What you consider a repair may not be what the other person considers a repair, but your repair attempts count.

👂 Own any part of the problem you can gets your partner out of the attack cycle. Try reflective listening - reflect what you hear the person say, ask if you heard them right, own what you can.

💍 69% of problems are going to be unsolvable because they have to do with personality and preference. You can have a very happy marriage on the 31% you can work out.

💕 We are called to love and give sometimes more than we receive. You either have rejected the person or you’ve accepted that in your commitment, this isn’t a deal breaker. It’s not a character issue, it’s a preference. It’s not abuse, addiction, or adultery.

🙏 Being intentional about reflecting on what your grateful for about your spouse will create a more positive perspective in your marriage. This can be extremely difficult if you’re experiencing depression.

🤝 Counseling isn’t an effort to “fix” someone, it’s to find out how you can work better together.

🥪 Practice using the sandwich method - give a compliment, submit your request, follow it with the positive it will bring.

🧠 If you want to raise a mentally healthy kid, focus on your mental health first.

Resources Mentioned:

Gottman Bible Guide

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the Freedom of Being Real Together

Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

Follow Ann: website | Instagram | Facebook

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Tricia Goyer and her daughter Florentina!

Tricia has written 75 books and has a wealth of information for homeschooling, parenting, and raising spiritual kids. She has a large family and has adopted from foster care.

We’re talking about:

❤️ Tricia and Florentina’s experiences with foster care and adoption

 🏠 The transitions from an institution to the Goyer household

✍🏻  Tricia shares some wisdom on raising brave kids.

 💕 What we should know about foster care when God tugs on our hearts for adoption

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September! 🌸✨📚

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Jonathan Pitts and his 16-year-old daughter, Alena Pitts!

Jonathan is a pastor and father of four girls in Franklin, TN! He runs For Girls Like You, a Christ-focused ministry and magazine founded by his wife, Wynter. They aim to introduce young girls to Christian values in a way that they are able to palate and digest, so they can walk passionately and boldly in who God has created them to be!

We’re talking about:

💜 Trying to emulate Jesus and the gospel in being gracious and forgiving

🎭 Your children’s outcome is not a reflection of yourself

😢 Vulnerability doesn’t make you look bad; it makes you human and helps you heal

💐 Allowing the grace of God for yourself and others 

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts! 

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by expert Erin Weidemann and her daughter Rooney!

Erin lives in San Diego, California with Rooney and her husband Brent, and is the publisher of the Bible Belle series as well as founder of Truth Becomes Her, an online education platform for moms and mentors of the next generation!

We’re talking about:

🧠  Knowing when to give your children space but to not assume either

💒  Relying on the Holy Spirit to make the family the supportive unit he intended it to be

✍🏻 As a parent, it’s okay to be flexible and pivot your position on something

📆  The importance of reflection and remembering what God brought you through

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September! 🌸✨📚

On this episode of Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I speak with Cindy Bultema and her teen daughter Amanda.

Cindy is the executive director of GEMS Girls' Clubs gemsgc.org, as well as a speaker, author, and Bible teacher. For more information visit cindybultema.com.

We’re talking about:

👯‍♀Friendship difficulties in the middle and high school years.

🎓The option for your daughter to decide which school environment works best for them.

👨‍👩‍👧Parenting within your personality and your child’s.

👂The “Three L’s”: Lean in, Listen, and Love.

And be sure to check out my book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon to be shipped in early September! 🌸✨📚

In the second half of my interview with Neuroscientist and Mental Health Expert Dr. Caroline Leaf, we’re continuing our discussion of how we can learn to retrain our brains by systematically managing our thoughts, feelings, and choices. In this episode we dig into how invalidating our kid’s feelings can affect their mental and physical health, different techniques for temporarily containing instead of repressing anxious thoughts, and Dr. Leaf breaks down her 5 Step NeuroCycle.

Key points from our conversation:

💭 We need to be comfortable sitting with our thoughts. If you’re awake, you’re thinking. Those thoughts have feelings associated with them which led to choices.

♻️ Don’t suppress or invalidate your child’s feelings, instead let them know that feelings are helpful messengers that allow us to explore what’s going on and redesign the pattern. When emotions are suppressed, they recycle in the body and the mind.

🚫 There are no shortcuts to cleaning up your mental mess. It takes at least 63 days to create behavior change.

🧠 Your mind is either managed or unmanaged, but it never stops.

🔎 The first step to being a thought detective is to spot a pattern. Once you recognize it, accept it and prepare your brain for change through breathing and movement exercises that change your neurophysiology.

🧬 Dr. Leaf’s 5 Step NeuroCycle – gather, reflect, write, recheck, and active reach

📦 Neuroplasticity practices like the box and window techniques can provide a way to temporarily contain your anxious thoughts until you can calm down and process through the neurocycle.

 Resources mentioned:

Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess
Neurocycle app
Cleaning Up the Mental Mess Podcast
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with Caroline: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Amanda Davison and her daughter Laila!

Amanda is the creator of A Wife Like Me, a community of women supporting each other through married life and can be found at awifelikeme.com. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three kids!

We’re talking about:

👩‍👧 How to help kids who don’t tell the truth and point them towards God

💪🏼 Encouraging your child to be a leader, and stay strong being different and firm in their faith

📞 How to set boundaries and handle kids getting cell phones

✝️    As a mom, not taking the place of God in their lives, and knowing you don’t have all the answers

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts! 

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

With 94% of kids expressing anxiety and 84% experiencing depression, mental health has hit an epidemic level for today’s youth. In this episode, I’m talking with author Crystal Paine about what it’s been like to have a suicidal child, the signs of anxiety and depression leading up to a diagnosis, the process of finding a counselor, and different levels of mental health care.

Key points from today’s episode:

 In teens, it can be hard to identify what is typical hormonal change behavior or something more. When the severity of the outburst doesn’t match the severity of the situation, it’s a sign of stored anxiety.

✅ “When in doubt, check it out.”

🧠 A child experiencing mental health issues or expressing suicidal thoughts is traumatizing for parents, so it’s important that parents are also processing their PTSD in healthy ways.

️ In the faith-based community, we link poor choices with character. With mental health issues, that does them a huge disservice by creating a guilt-shame cycle.

 Giftedness changes the intensity of a person. If not managed well, it can become overwhelming and result in unhealthy behaviors.

🧭 Navigating mental health may require a team of doctors, counselors, and therapists as well as investment from the parents, both individually and together. It takes time to find the right combination, but it’s worth the investment to find the right fit.

Resources Mentioned:

Love Centered Parenting
Smart, but Scattered

Follow Crystal Paine: website | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter 

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

In this episode, Michelle and Lee Nienhuis (bravemomsbravekids.com) discuss answering God's call in your everyday life to prayer. They discuss the momsinprayer.org movement and how we can offensively make a difference in the culture that surrounds our children. Lee also shares her tips regarding being BRAVE. Visit Michelle's blog at MichelleNietert.com/blog for more details and resources

One of the things I get asked about most in the counseling office is when and how much time kids should be spending on screens because of the correlation between mental health and screen use. With the holidays right around the corner, I want to give you some practical ways to better manage how screens are used in your home. In the first part of my conversation with author Arlene Pellicane, we’re discussing how we address the screen life we have within our families and with our kids. Not all screen time is bad, but it matters how much time we’re spending and what we’re gaining from that time.

Key points from our conversation:

📺 Kids from Gen Z have had access to screens and portable devices since they were born. We need to have parenting tools to help equip our kids to find activities to entertain themselves other than screens.

🧠 When young kids spend time on screens it affects the neurochemicals that build connections in their brain. “Digital candy” experienced through things like gaming, social media, and YouTube provides a rush of dopamine and puts them into the fight-or-flight mode by shutting off blood from the pre-frontal cortex – the part of the brain responsible for decision making.

👀 Screens are a struggle for adults as well, so it’s important to model healthy behaviors to help teach digital social etiquette such as looking away from the screen and looking your child in the eye when they’re speaking to you.

📱 There’s no specific age to give your child a phone, but it is wise to have some safeguards in place. They should be able to be responsible in other areas of life and understand that the rules set for their devices applies no matter where they are. It helps teach integrity.

🎮 Playing games isn’t bad. Certain games have modes that develop creativity rather than something that puts them in fight or flight. Encourage them to build social dynamics into their play. If you’re fighting them to get off, they’re overstimulated.

Resources mentioned:

Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World
Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life
Happy Home University
Happy Home podcast

Connect with Arlene: website | Instagram | Facebook

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, @lynncowell and I are joined by expert @karikampakis.

She lives with her husband and four daughters in Birmingham, Alabama. She is an author, blogger, and national speaker and her latest book “Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with your Teenage Daughter” is available for pre-order at http://www.karikampakis.com

We’re talking about:

🕰Choosing your timing and words carefully when speaking to your daughter

👍🏼 Being an empathic parent and validating their experiences

👂Giving your child the option to ask for help vs just a listening ear

🌈The effects of reading and expressing emotions in a healthy way

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts!

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September! 🌸✨📚

I’m so excited to kick off our new season with this rich conversation I had with psychologist and author Dr. John Townsend about how we can set healthy boundaries with our teens and tweens. We cover a wide range of topics including three skills every parent should utilize to raise mentally healthy kids, how to build a stronger relationship with kids moving toward autonomy, connecting with kids struggling with gender identity, and so much more.

Key points from our conversation:

💬 Some parents tend to fragilize their kids rather than setting healthy boundaries. Enter their world and find compassion. If you’re not sure, take your child to a counselor to help determine where they are.

⛔ A “trigger” isn’t when something upsets you, it’s a clinical word used when something brings up traumatic experiences that affect your ability to function.

✨ There are three skills every parent should utilize to raise mentally healthy kids –

1. Warmth – connect and enter the child’s world
2. Appropriate strictness – there must be boundaries and structure
3. Realistic expectations - neither child nor parents will be perfect

🤝 As your children become autonomous, moving toward them in the negative moments will help build a stronger connection. Sit with them, but still enforce appropriate disciplines.

💕 Support doesn’t mean you share an opinion, but that you love them completely.

🧑 Kids struggling with gender is a normal experience today. The most important thing is that you stay connected, address if there’s any danger, and give the information you have. Help them with their character because healthy character will make the right decisions.

🗣️ Healthy character comes from learning to bond and connect, helping children speak up and set boundaries, getting rid of the inner critic, and accepting themselves and reality. Our job as parents is to work on the character. Remind them that they are more than one thing – their gender shouldn’t be their full identity.

🧠 You can determine if your child’s detachment has become unhealthy by asking if they’re emotionally engaged with the family, helpful, vulnerable, and doing okay with school and their hobbies.

👣 If your child is hesitant to spend more time with the family, try an activity. An activity with less eye contact like walking can make them more comfortable. They want to be understood and are waiting to open up, but it’s our job to come up with the framework.

👂 Practice listening without judgment. Lead with curiosity instead of aiming to correct. You earn the right to give truth with grace and listening. The order matters. You have to put in the time.

Resources mentioned:

Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No

Connect with Dr. Townsend: website | Instagram | Facebook

In our last episode, I spoke with author Georgia Schaffer about what healthy grieving looks like for our kids. In the second part of our conversation we’re digging into how to talk to kids about loss and answering some of the questions we hear most like is it okay to use the word “death” with my kids? Should I have my children attend the funeral of a loved one? And is it okay to keep my kid out of school while they grieve? We also offer some practical suggestions of how you can help grieving families.  

Key points from our conversation:

😢 When deciding how to tell your child about the death of a person or pet, consider what their experience has been with loss to this point and how the death occurred. Was it sudden or did you know it was imminent?

💀It’s okay to use the word “death” when speaking to your kids. Young children often don’t understand what “passed away” means. The more direct you can be, the better.

🐶 It’s not a good idea to replace a pet to hide a loss. The death of a pet is sometimes the first opportunity to prepare your kids with healthy mechanisms to deal with loss in the future.

💬Ask your children how they want to grieve. It could be a memorial service, drawing a picture, or writing a letter. There is no one way to grieve, it’s dependent on personalities. Just provide the child a chance to talk about what they experienced and allow them to work through it. 

⛔ The fact that a person died is public knowledge, but how they died isn’t always for everyone. We need to be respectful of that. It’s okay to not know. Be careful not to overstate things.

🎒 If someone in the family dies it’s okay to keep your kid out of school, but not too long. Being a little busy is good to help you not get lost in the pain, but moving past the suffering too fast can stunt the grieving process.

⚰️ Talk to your kids about attending the memorial service of a loved one. If they’re not ready for a funeral, perhaps they might want to attend the viewing, graveside service, or process in a different way.

🗣️Some kids process verbally and need to talk about a loss, others only want to share a few words about what they’re feeling.  If they do talk, help them feel heard by practicing reflective listening.

💕Some practical things you can do for grieving families include babysitting, getting the kids something off their wish list, giving money to be used toward food delivery services, and checking in on significant dates.

✨When kids lose a parent at a young age people think they’ll have trauma forever, but that child understands loss in a way others can’t. It helps them develop empathy and compassion the average person wouldn’t as well as equips them with a well-developed emotional vocabulary and resilience.

🧠 If a child is acting out or shutting down, get them a mental health check-up with a professional.

✝️ There is a time to grieve and a time to dance. Grief is hard, but there’s a lot of love that happens in that season. And you can bring that light to others when they grieve. We have hope in Christ that we’ll see them again.

⚱️ Think ahead about how you will handle loss. Talk about grief with your children before it happens. Ask what grief means to them. Planning isn’t being morbid, it’s being real.

💛 If you’re experiencing loss, allow others to love you well. If you can’t accept it, let others love your children.

Resources mentioned:

Mourning Glory Minute
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death
I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
Become a Better Listener download

 Connect with Georgia: website | Instagram | Facebook

You’re listening to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids Podcast with host Michelle Nietert who’s been a licensed professional counselor for over 20 years, An award-winning author, previous creator of a large school district crisis counseling program and the clinical director of Allen Community Counseling Associates located in the Dallas Texas area.

With the increase in mental health statistics regarding kids and teens along with climbing suicide rates, Michelle is passionate about equipping parents to understand and talk with their kids about the mental health issues they encounter in our culture every day.

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Tracy Steel, who pursues her passion for ministry through speaking and writing, and her 9-year-old daughter Katie!

Tracy is the author of A Redesigned Life: Uncovering God’s Purpose When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned and lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her husband and their two children! For more information about Tracy visit https://tracymsteel.com

We’re talking about:

‍ Learning from your child’s distinct personality & what she can teach the family

Telling people how much we appreciate them while we can, especially mothers and daughters

🏼 If motherhood isn’t going the way you wanted it to be, and there’s contrast between you and your daughter, lean into it

✝️ Trusting God and giving your child the freedom to be who He has created her to be

Listen via the link in bio or wherever you listen to your podcasts! 

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished” available for pre-order on Amazon, shipping early September!

In the second half of my conversation with author Crystal Paine, we’re continuing our discussion of what to do when your child talks about suicide. During our chat, she shares the advice that a counselor offered her about her approach to her child’s mental health that changed her perspective (and yielded better results). She also gives some suggestions about how we can create connection over correction to help our children grow and offers some encouragement to moms who feel like they’re facing this struggle alone.

Key points from this episode:

‍‍‍ Parents should be involved in their child’s treatment plan. The best therapy impacts the child and the entire family system.

 When Crystal stopped trying to fix and correct her kid and focused on loving them and walking with them through the process, it helped her look objectively at how she was parenting.

We create connection with our children by stepping into their world and engaging with them in things they’re interested in. “Don’t listen to fix, listen to hear.”

 After 4 years of therapy and meds, Crystal says her child is totally different, but the process hasn’t been easy. It’s taken education of how their child’s brain works and daily practice of modeling emotional language.

 Medications are intimidating, but they can be a great resource to help regulate the chemical imbalance a child is experiencing.

Resources Mentioned:

More Than Moody

Follow Crystal Paine: website | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter 

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

In the second half of my interview with psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen we’re breaking down some of the hidden influences covered in his book Your Brain is Always Listening: Tame the Hidden Dragons That Control Your Happiness, Habits, and Hang-Ups. We also discuss the impact of regular exercise on mental health as well as offer some practical advice about setting goals and bonding for parents who want to raise mentally healthy kids.

Key points from our discussion:

🐉 Some of the hidden dragons in his book include Dragons from the Past that ignite your most painful emotions; Negative Thought Dragons that attack you, fueling anxiety and depression; They and Them Dragons, people in your life whose own dragons do battle with yours; Bad Habit Dragons that increase the chances you’ll be overweight, overwhelmed, and an underachiever; Addicted Dragons that make you lose control of your health, wealth, and relationships; Scheming Dragons, advertisers, and social media sites that steal your attention.

🏃‍♀️ If you want a healthy brain, exercise is critical. Walking increases blood flow to the brain and has been found to be an effective treatment for depression when done 20-30 minutes 3-5 times a week.

👍 Affirmations help retrain your brain. If you want to get the affirmations to root more effectively, say them while you walk.

📝 Write down your goals and assess daily if your behaviors fit the goals you have as a parent.

⛓ If you're bonded with a child, they will pick your values; if you’re not, they will pick the opposite simply to irritate you.

👩‍👦‍When kids start rebelling, they need more connection, not more discipline. Connected kids are more cooperative kids.

👂 Connection requires time and willingness to listen. Talk less and try using the prompts “tell me more” and “what I hear you saying”.

📏 Rules are good but should be simple such as “don’t make a problem” and “do what we say the first time you’re asked.” Setting healthy boundaries is essential and beneficial for both parent and child.

💕 We need to stop asking what's wrong and focus on what’s right with our families. 

Resources Mentioned:

Your Brain is Always Listening
The Relentless Courage of a Scared Child
Parenting with Love and Logic
Learn more about Dr. Amen’s supplements

Follow Dr. Daniel Amen: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

This week on Raising Brave Beauties, Lynn Cowell and I are joined by Liz Rasley and her daughter Claire for a motivating episode on growing up and taking positive risks. 

Liz is the author of "Levity: Humor and Help for Hard Times” and a preschool teacher! She can be found on her blog lizrasley.com.  

We’re talking about:

🎨 Having an artistic, creative mom

👂🏻 How to listen more and talk less

🌱 Taking risks that allow your child to grow

✝️ God made you as you are for a reason and you are His creation

And be sure to check out our book “Loved and Cherished: 100 Devotionals for Girls” now available on Amazon or at lovedandcherished.me 🌸✨📚

In the first half of my conversation with Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor Melissa Clark, we discussed how we can prepare our kids to return to school well and help them manage back-to-school stress. In this episode, we’re focusing on asking our kids the right questions to help them problem solve effectively and sharing about the power of intention to create calm in a chaotic situation. We also discuss how to help our kids with perfectionistic tendencies and how praying can give them confidence.

Key points from our conversation:

🥅 Having a purpose creates focus and intention, so helping your child set one goal for being at school can build confidence and lead to better mental health.

🤝 Serving others is one of the best things we can do for our mental health. Thinking outside ourselves distracts us from our worries and creates calm in a chaotic situation.

💪 Ask your kids about a problem they’re facing and ask them to think of 1 or 2 solutions. Bringing them into the process helps empower them to problem solve and ultimately acclimates them to life.

🧠 It’s important to help children with perfectionistic tendencies verbalize and understand they’re being perfectionistic. Often kids are identifying through academics instead of Christ and need to develop self-compassion.

📚 Every child faces personal challenges at school, but it’s important they understand that the messages they receive about themselves don’t define them. Ask them what they’re saying to themselves about themselves and the school year.

❓ Don’t monologue, ask questions. When you ask a question, you’re inviting your child to think and showing respect, then they model it back to you.

🙏 Spirituality is a strong component of mental health. Praying for our kids can give them confidence that God is with them. Encourage them to tap into God’s power throughout the day. Modeling prayer is also important. Ask them how you can pray for them.

Resources mentioned:

Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter

Connect with Melissa: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

In this episode, Michelle and Dr. Michelle Bengtson discuss having a hope that prevails in the midst of depression. Visit Michelle's blog at MichelleNietert.com/blog for more details and resources.

We're halfway through December and I'm wondering how you're doing because it has been hectic around our counseling center. I don’t know why you listen to the show, but I’m so grateful for the guests we’ve had this season and the topics we’ve been able to cover - everything from managing screen time to eating disorders. 

We're excited about the guests we have for you next season including Dr. John Townsend who talks about setting healthy boundaries and connections, Georgia Schaffer shares her expertise on grief, and Danny Huerta speaks about Focus on the Family's initiative to address suicide in the church.

As we enter 2022, I want to encourage you to slow down, take time to enjoy your community, and spend time reflecting on how mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally healthy your lifestyle is as well as where you want to make changes.

I also want to urge you to talk to your kids and listen to them without trying to fix them. Try asking them these 3 questions - How do you want to solve this problem? How can I make your life easier today? How can I pray for you?

Thank you for your support this season and we look forward to offering you more resources to raise mentally healthy kids in 2022!

Key points from our conversation:

❓ Become curious about the type of home you grew up in. It will give you ideas and information about your own body.

🔎 Examine if there are things in your routine that habitually cause you anxiety. Notice how your body feels. Try grounding techniques – practices that use your 5 senses to bring you to the present moment.

🚀 "5,4,3,2,1 Blast Off" technique – identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

✨ Regulating is a skill. When we’re dysregulated, we don’t have the capacity to solve problems strategically. Anything you can do to build your regulation will produce more goodness and life because you can evaluate what’s working.

🧠 Our regulation shapes our children's nervous systems. The more we ground, it translates to them. The more you practice, the faster you can regulate

💛 If you grew up in a dysregulated home, honor that your response to how you've survived your life is valid. Have compassion for how hard it’s been to get where you are today.

🩹 Compassion brings integration that allows for growth and change. Every single moment is a new moment and the sooner you begin to turn with compassion for your own story and your kids, the closer you have ever been to healing.

🥰 When we find compassion for ourselves, we can extend it to our kids.

🤝 Cognitive knowledge does not equate to embodied knowledge. Kids need to experience co-regulation with you. They need safety to be able to be open to what it looks like to problem solve.

🗣️ Connect, then correct. Do they feel heard? Kids aren’t open to learning if their bodies are dysregulated.

Resources mentioned:

Try Harder

Connect with Aundi: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

Counselor Thoughts equips you with life solutions for you and your family. Each session we focus on providing a discussion with a professional Christian counselor to take on the challenges of parenting, faith, and anything that life brings your way.

Most of us don’t love change, but for our teens, times of transition can be especially stressful and lead to anxiety and depression. But don’t lose hope, parents! In this episode, I’m excited to share my conversation with author Jennifer Dukes Lee and her daughter, Anna about how their journey through Anna’s depression and chronic illness has actually made them closer and their faith stronger. We also discuss when to offer help, when to stick it out and when to move on, and Anna shares some practical things that have helped her process her emotions in a healthy way.

Key points from our conversation:

❓ Teens have the biggest struggles during times of transition because of the uncertainty it brings. It’s common to run through “what-if” worst-case scenarios. They can reframe that thinking by remembering that things could be good and even if not, they’re resilient enough to bounce back.

💭 It’s hard to ask for help, especially if you’re a teen. But as a parent, if you notice flat emotions, disinterest in things your child used to enjoy, or lethargy, offer them the option to seek counseling. They may not have the energy to get help then, but it can assist them in beginning to think about how they plan to manage difficulties in their life.

🤝 It’s important to have a support system in place. We’re not meant to go it alone. We need community.

🎢 Getting better is not a linear process. Emotions are rollercoasters; they come in waves. There is not just one area of treatment to address. We must address the whole – mind, body, spirit, and environment.

✨ It can be difficult to know when to stick out a hard situation to build resilience and when to withdraw from an environment. If something is consuming your teen’s identity, consider making a change. Our kids need to be in a place they feel safe. We must consider what is best for our child in this season of their life.

☀️ A few practical things Anna has done that have helped are exercise, getting sunlight, reading the Bible, journaling, taking her medication, and surrounding herself with a supportive community.

Name the emotion you feel, identify where you feel it in your body, and choose a movement to let it go. If we don’t process through emotions, they will loop and become more exaggerated.

💕 If your teen is struggling with depression, don’t lose hope. Jennifer and Anna are closer now than ever because they’ve experienced the struggle together and learned to trust God.

Resources mentioned:

Growing Slow: Lessons on Un-Hurrying Your Heart from an Accidental Farm Girl

Follow Jennifer: website | Instagram | Facebook

Follow Anna: website | Seed Apparel Instagram | personal Instagram

According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids ages 8-18 now spend, on average, 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment each day. In this episode, I’m continuing my conversation with author Arlene Pellicane about how we can help our kids manage screen time in a healthy way by setting clear expectations and consequences. We also talk about managing expectations and helping our kids fail forward, Arlene’s five A+ skills that every child needs to master, and some practical ideas on how and when to introduce new screen time boundaries with your family.

Key points from our conversation:

📱 It’s important to set expectations about screen limits with kids as young as 3 and follow through with the predetermined consequences. Training is the most successful when we’re also modeling healthy behaviors.

✍️ If your children are older, it can be helpful to include them in the process of thinking through consequences for violating screen rules. Write them down so the expectations and consequences are clear. If a child can’t use screens responsibly you may not need to remove screens completely, but instead, supervise them differently.

⛔ Expect your children to fail but help them fail forward. Breaking rules is not necessarily an indicator of a character issue or something to take personally, the child simply made an impulsive decision. Remain calm and they will too. If you can’t be calm, wait until tomorrow.

😌 How we approach our kids is important because they don’t want to disappoint their parents. Don’t accuse. Gather the facts. Remain calm. They need to know you’re on their team. You’re there to help. We’re all human. Be their advocate.

🤝 If we handle their failures well, they can learn from their mistakes. If we shame them, they will hide things better next time. We want to create a cooperative relationship of transparency.

🖐️ Arlene has identified five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention.

💻 If you want to set new boundaries with your kid’s screen time, try starting with a family screen fast day or choose a time when your routine will already be disrupted, like camp or vacation.

💕 There are endless wonderful things online that are beneficial. Consider how you and your family can use devices to bring you closer to God and the people you love.

Resources mentioned:

Bark monitoring
Total Family Makeover: 8 Practical Steps to Making Disciples at Home
Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World
Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life
Happy Home University
Happy Home podcast

Connect with Arlene: website | Instagram | Facebook

In this episode licensed professional counselor is once again joined by Cory Bertrand, another professional counselor and staff member at Community Counseling Associates. 

As they discuss healthy relationships, topics are covered such as:

• Understanding the difference between giving, taking and mutuality in friendships 
• Sharing or giving away Toya, clothes and other Items going in and out of your home
• The 5 love languages and how we give and receive them
• Using different strengths to bless one another 
•  The skill of speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15)
• Speaking and hearing "no" in relationships
• Reaching out when experiencing a season of busyness

The conversation closes with prayer suggestions regarding character, resilience, discernment, and mutuality in relationship.

Thanks again for your interest in the counselor thoughts podcast. We invite you to check out the show notes post at michellenietert.com for resource links. 

If you are interested in local counseling services in the DFW with Michelle, Cory or one of the CCA staff, please visit communitycounselingassociates.com. 

Over the past two episodes, I’ve been speaking with doctors John Trent and Dewey Wilson about how we can raise relationally intelligent kids. In the last part of our conversation, we focus on four key principles that positive parents think and practice that are effective for all ages. We also discuss how both we and our children can get swept up in “culture currents” without even noticing and the hope science gives us about the power of neuroplasticity.

4 Principles That Help You Parent More Positively:

🔎 Focus on the children first. Become a student of your child. The secure attachment will strengthen as you learn more about them.  It’s never too late to start.

🗣️ Be proactive instead of reactive. Healthy boundaries are the ones that are established before the problem occurs. 

📚 Develop and learn themselves. We need to know and understand what’s happening in our kid’s worlds. Take the time to intentionally learn good parenting skills.

🔀 Make midcourse corrections. When you realize something you did had a negative result, apologize and take ownership. Empathize about how it could’ve affected them. If you want something different, you have to do something different.

Resources mentioned:

TheRelationallyIntelligentChild.com
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with John: website | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with Dewey: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

With our children often connecting over screens, we have a felt need in our culture to help them develop relational intelligence.  In this episode, I’m speaking with two experts on that subject, John Trent and Dewey Wilson, authors of the book The Relationally Intelligent Child: Five Keys to Helping Your Kids Connect Well with Others. We discuss what relational intelligence is and why it’s so important, four elements that are essential to relational intelligence, and the power of giving your kids freedom to fail.

Key points from our conversation:

🤝 Relational intelligence is an applicational construct. It’s the ability to learn, understand, and apply the relationship skills that God has equipped us with.

🔗 Relational intelligence helps relieve social anxiety by equipping children with skills that give them the confidence to connect with others more easily.

👨‍👩‍👧 Children with secure attachment feel protected by their caregivers and a though they have a safe space to process emotions.

🏠 When a child has a secure attachment at home, it gives them the confidence to fearlessly explore their world. As their world expands, they will fail, but resilience is built through “failing forward.”

💪 Kids take stress cues from their parents. If we want our kids to be resilient, we must model resiliency. Let your kids know you’re struggling and show them how to fail well.

🤩 Brighten your eyes when you see your kids. Only 7% of communication is verbal, so your reactions and tone matter.

🧠 The area of the brain responsible for the evaluation of consequences doesn’t mature until the mid-20s – 30s, but the area responsible for risk is active in adolescence.

Resources mentioned:

The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance
FREE empathetic listening printable

Connect with John: website | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with Dewey: website | Instagram | Facebook

You can find more resources about mental health, parenting, and coping with anxiety at MichelleNietert.com. 

Please be sure to subscribe to the Raising Mentally Healthy Kids podcast on your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode! And if this episode helped you we’d love it if you’d leave a review to help other parents find this resource.

And don't forget to join the conversation about raising mentally healthy kids with Michelle on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!