Play Therapy Community (Jackie Flynn, EMDRIA Approved Consultant)
Explorez tous les épisodes de Play Therapy Community
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| 20 Oct 2022 | 96. Brainspotting: Irma Shares a Powerful Story of Healing & Hope | 00:22:16 | |
Irma is with us today to share her experience with brainspotting. I met Irma at Dr. Karen Fried's Oaklander Model's training.
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| 08 Jul 2016 | 28: Social Skill Training for Children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder that Really Helps | 01:06:57 | |
In This Episode: We’ll hear Stephanie Sanders explain the realm of Speech and Language services for children in the school setting. She mentions that the group setting is most common with her work. She also tells us that it differs from the home setting, where she would work with the child one on one. She created a curriculum that she developed over the course of 4 years while working with students with Autism Spectrum Disorders. She was initially inspired by her younger brother and her students. She tells us about some of the common struggles that kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders experience and how she addresses it with the students that she works with. She emphasizes the importance of communication with parents while working with children. She discusses the struggles that some of the kids that have with non-literal language, picking up social cues and such. She usually works with kids in groups of 5 or less. The group setting allows for social issues to come up. Stephanie wrote a book to present a curriculum to help children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. The FILTER Approach: Social Communication Skills for Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders. The acronym “FILTER” breaks down as the following: F - Facial clues, I – Inappropriate, L – Listen, T – Target, E - End and Start Conversations, and R - Repair She has witnessed students putting the concepts into action, both in the therapy room and in real time. She has a PRE & POST mini assessment (a 10 question questionnaire) to assess their level of retention. In her work, she has seen children retain the information and put it into action. The FILTER Approach is a user friendly curriculum that professionals and kids can really connect with and benefit from. When the children get positive feedback it can support self-esteem growth and foster positive feelings of self-worth. She emphasize the importance of identifying the needs and implementing the curriculum at an early age in a developmentally appropriate manner. The FILTER Approach incorporates some social scenes to give the kids insight from an experience level. Stephanie creates an emotionally safe and trusting environment for the children to open up about their social awkwardness and struggles. Stephanie is very clear and transparent with the children to let them know that she communicates with parents.
Collaboration with parents, teachers, therapists, school counselors and other people helping the child is ideal. She talks about the metaphor of the filter and how she describes how it applies to this concept. She also teaches kids how their brain works to give them a deeper understanding of how the concept applies in terms of brain function. She tells students how using a filter can help them with relationships, with a job, and many other areas of their lives. Stephanie stresses the importance to listening to the kids without jumping right in to teach them or fix the problem. This can be really helpful for kids, especially kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders. The information presented in this curriculum helps children not only at this time in their lives, but it helps lifelong. Stephanie provides some AMAZING tips for parents and for professionals helping kids out. It’s so important to consider the perspective of the child. You can read more about this in her blog post for ASHA (A link to her blog post is not available at this time. Expected date of availability is anticipated for the early August timeframe.) Stephanie gets silly sometimes with parents and kids in her work. She has an awesome Donald Duck and Scooby Doo voice. Stephanie really prayed throughout the 4 years of creating the curriculum for my students to connect with the concepts that she presented and just before submitting The FILTER Approach to Plural Publishing that it might benefit any students/clients exposed to the curriculum. She continues to pray for the previously mentioned individuals and for any therapists, counselors, teachers, or parents choosing to implement this curriculum with their students/clients. You can read the full show notes at www.parentingintherain.com | |||
| 20 Jun 2016 | 25: Divorce and Sports with Brian Brunkow | 00:46:21 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 25 Divorce and Sports Are you a parent worried about your child through your divorce? Here’s a link to my s Free Parent Class http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/parentingthroughdivorce In This Episode: Brian Brunkow is a San Diego-based lawyer, Glazier Head Coach Academy speaker, and the author of Zero Offseason – a guidebook on divorce & sports parenting. With a background in family law and coaching youth football, Brian’s focus is helping coaches and parents collaborate on the “ABC’s of Divorce & Effective Sports Parenting.” When time and money is so commonly used as a weapon in divorce situations, the “ABC’s” : Aligning Goals, Following the Best Interests Standard & Controlling Controllables. They help encourage the adults to stay focused on helping kids develop life skills thru positive youth sports lessons. Brian has a substantial background in coaching. It’s important to keep the kids on the field and involved in sports to give them the life skills that can come through sports. Sports can reduce the high school dropout rate with adolescents. When parents are passive aggressive with time and money, the child is the one that misses out and is ultimately hurt. Brian tells us about the Baldwin vs. Basinger story, how high conflict divorce can result in the child missing out on valuable time over custody battles. He shares some statistics about divorce. He also shares insight of how divorce can impact kids. T here are some program success studies that illustrate the importance of working together as parents for the children’s sake. Brian is the author of a book, “Zero Offseason”. Good behavior will not change the behavior of the other parent. But, it will give you a piece of mind. He tells us about the “ABC’s” : Aligning Goals, Following the Best Interests Standard & Controlling Controllables He talks to us about aligning goals. He tells us a story of divorced soccer parents and how their situation affected the child. Simple rules, but complex...“The kids gotta play, let the coaches coach, and the parents need to support.” Being the support system as a parent is so important. Sports help kids with socialization skills, as well as conflict management skills that will help keep them out of trouble in life. Youth sports teach kids discipline, mental toughness and grit. Communication between parents is very important. Using stories is a great way help parents work things out, so that the child doesn’t lose years of opportunity for sports growth. He talks to us about “Bleacher” Parents and references Jennifer Capriati and her experience through the divorce in her family. As a tennis player, she was an incredible athlete and top performer in the world. By the time she was 17 though, she retired from tennis. She didn’t have the support system at home. Some parents equate their ability as a parent with the child’s performance in the sport. The parents need to be smart about how they approach the calendar. A throughout calendar can prevent some conflicts from occurring. “ Best Interests” standard is all about the child, not the parents or the coaches. Brian recommends having a Co-Parenting Mission Statement to have on the refrigerator at both homes. You can get a copy of it at www.jackieflynnconsulting.com/divorceandsports The child may think, “Mom and Dad don’t get along, but they both have my back.” Impact – Safety is considered a “non-negotiable. Parents must communicate. For example, parents need to work together and communicate if their child gets a concussion. This is HUGELY important. It’s important for parents to remember that they can’t control bad behavior of the other parent, so it is best to focus energy on what you can control. Process-based goals keep things focused on the child. On field & off field, parents need to support their child. Brian recommends playing “Rock, Paper, Scissors” game with little kids as a way to teach them how to control the controllables. This is where you want your energy to be because this is where you can have an impact. It helps teach kids the importance of teaching them to focus on what’s in front of them. Brian is working on a program, a legal workshop for employees “aligning goals”, “best interests”, and “controlling the controllables”.
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| 11 Feb 2016 | 07: A Passionate Play Therapist Shares Her Love for the Nurtured Heart Approach | 00:27:43 | |
In This Episode:
Stand 1 - “Absolutely NO I wll not energize negativity” focuses on the benefits of staying calm, collective and “resetting” if necessary. Stand 2 - “Absolutely Yes, I will relentlessly create and energize positivity and success in my child. Stand 3 - “Absolutely Clear, if you cross the line, there are very clear consequences that go with that (the adult stays calm and loving)
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| 11 Oct 2022 | 95. A Heartfelt Story of the Power of PLAY | 00:16:00 | |
Melissa LaVigne shares a personal story of an accident her daughter experienced stumbling down the stairs, and how Play Therapy helped her process that trauma and heal from the incident. Interested in socializing with other Therapists in the Play Therapy Community? Here’s our facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity
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| 18 Aug 2020 | 72: Exploring the Therapeutic Benefits of Food | 00:29:23 | |
In this episode, Althea Simpson shares with us about how she uses food to support her clients in session when necessary. She explains that some clients may have experienced the trauma of neglect and being without food in their past which can feel extremely dysregulating to clients. When we use food in session, we help our clients to feel nurtured and cared about. Althea Simpson is the founder of Brighter Day Therapeutic Solutions and Unicorn Life Play Therapy Training. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor. Additionally, Althea has a B.S. in Business Management; MBA in Marketing: and MSW in Organizational Leadership. Althea’s passion for helping individuals go from “Hurt to Healed” aided in her decision to return to George Mason University to complete requirements to become a Clinical Social Worker and specialize in trauma recovery. Althea’s experience in the fields of business and mental health spans 20 years. Althea is pursuing her PhD in Business Psychology Consulting at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. Althea Simpson, LCSW, LICSW, CCTP, SAP, CAMS-II, RPT-S, CSOTP Resident Brighter Day Therapeutic Solutions, PLLC Website: www.brighter-day.net Symposium Website: www.blackplaytherapy.com | |||
| 23 Mar 2017 | 48: EMDR Therapy: Helping Children Move Past the Tough Stuff | 00:32:06 | |
Episode 48: EMDR Therapy: Helping Children Move Past the Tough Stuff In This Episode:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR, is an effective, research and evidence-based therapy that helps free people from painful memories, anxiety, intrusive thoughts and other disturbances from exposure to trauma or especially disturbing situations. And, it works with children too. In my experience, it often takes less time to notice changes because often children have less tough memories due to their young age, as compared with older clients. When exposed to traumatic events, our minds may not fully understand and process the magnitude of the situation due to the scenario at hand its overwhelming nature. When I mention trauma, I want you to think of it as in “Big T trauma for the big stuff such as witness a crime, etc” and “Little t trauma such as being called a name by a peer, etc” This lack of processing of traumatic events thoroughly can show itself in a debilitating psychological/emotional state of distress. With kids, it can look like night terrors, bedwetting, behavior issues, anxiety, depression, and so on. This state of distress can result in a feeling of being “emotionally stuck”. EMDR Therapy can help with symptoms of distress from living with disorders such as Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder (ADHD), Restless Leg Syndrome, Phantom Leg Syndrome, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Eating Disorders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Anxiety, Depression, Tourettes Syndrome, Bed-Wetting, Emotional Regulation Issues, Behavior Concerns, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Eating Disorders, Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID), and much more. EMDR therapy basically stimulates the mind into reprocessing the events, facilitates resolve from within the person experiencing it, and lessens the emotional impact of the memories. Even if the memories are from before the person can remember it with their thoughts. We actually have memories from up to 3 months in utero that can sometimes stay stuck as emotional memories. EMDR can free individuals from painful memories and empower them to live more fully in the present. This is especially important with our kids, as staying stuck in trauma can impact their development in so many ways. Sometimes, the effect of trauma is misdiagnosed as ADHD since it can leave people feeling distracted, unable to focus and fidgety from anxiety. EMDR is a therapeutic “tool” that can be used in therapy to help our clients overcome barriers to normal functioning, and ultimately, to their happiness. I love using it with kids! Also, EMDR has been shown to alleviate anxiety and depression, which can leave children and their loved ones feeling emotionally anguish. Anxiety and depression can look very different for children than it does adults. Many of my clients have engaged in some type of self-harm, such as cutting, skin picking etc… and EMDR is one of my go-to tools to help them. There are so many ways that it can be performed. With younger kids, I love integrating it with Play Therapy. As a part of the therapy, I have the client identify a negative thought about themselves, notice what they are feeling in their body and provide stimulation to either side of the body by having them move their eyes back and forth (usually with finger puppets or moving a car back and forth), or holding on to buzzers while often wearing earphones that alternate soft beeping in either ear that help desensitize what their feeling and reprocess it into something healthier. For example, a negative thought maybe “I am a bad person” and the reprocessed thought maybe “I’m good enough just as I am.” The healing can be profound. Memories of negative events, whether big T or little t traumas, for children it can be a death, divorce, car accident, fight, etc. can become painfully fragmented into other events resulting in limited enjoyment of life activities. Often it may manifest into anger, depression, chemical dependency, impulsive disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, phobias, relationship issues, and more. Through the brain stimulation created from EMDR therapy, clients can reprocess traumatic events or negative thoughts, and eventually become desensitized to the painful memories that are often at the root of emotional troubles. I love using the audible app. Through Audible, I have read Francine Shapiro’s book “Getting Past Your Past” 5 times so far. That book is wonderful at explaining EMDR in a way that helps people understand how it works and what it works on. Francine Shapiro created EMDR Therapy back in the 80s and it is getting more and more well known each day. In the show notes, I’ve linked sites where you can find an EMDR therapist in your area. It’s good stuff, whether you use it for you or your child. I remember that quote “Hurt People, Hurt People” that I first heard in an Addiction class. When we can free our kids and ourselves from pain, we not only improve our own lives but improve the lives of others around us for years to come.
http://www.emdrhap.org/content/ http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic http://counselinginbrevard.com/art-therapy/
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 04 Aug 2016 | 32: How to Help Kids Cope with Back to School Anxiety | 00:38:52 | |
In This Episode: Anxious feelings during back to school time are not uncommon especially in times of transition such as kindergarten, moving from elementary to middle school, from middle to high school, and then eventually college. This time can be really stressful for kids and families. It may look like crying, clinginess, lower tolerance levels that lead to tantrums sometimes, somatic symptoms such as tummy aches and headaches, and crankiness. Children may present as desperate and beg and plead to stay home. Some will try to bargaining and negotiate. Does this sound familiar?
It is totally “normal” for all of us as human beings to have worries. It’s the way that our brain is wired. However, going to school isn’t optional. School is a “non-negotiable”. In fact, allowing your child to miss due to worries will often increase your child’s fear.
The chance for successful experience and having them realize that they can surpass the fears doesn’t get a chance to occur. It also limits children in many other ways. Obviously, they miss the academic portion of school and get behind. They don’t get the opportunity to succeed and master certain skills.
This can be such a biggie! If they get behind in the schoolwork, often school seems like even more undesirable to them. It also has a social impact. At school kids foster friendships, as well as develop and practice social skills.
To set your child up for success, it’s super important to create a schedule and an environment where your child is getting plenty enough sleep, eating healthy meals and moving around physically. It just makes it easier when their body feels rested, nourished, and alive.
Use empathy to let your child know that you care. This makes a big difference. It starts with reflecting the feeling. It may sound like this, “You feel worried about 3rd grade, the thought of going back feels overwhelming”. Through this approach you are helping your child with emotional literacy, but more importantly sending the message of “I get you... I understand... I know it’s hard... and I care.” If appropriate you can also tell a short snippet of a related story about yourself. But, be careful not to “one up” your child as that’s not helpful. This can go a long way. If we respond with “there’s nothing to be scared about.” Then kids think, “My mom/dad doesn’t understand.” This can leave them feeling frustrated, hopeless and even more scared. And, this could make it even worse because they then lose the hope for support from their parents. I know this can be hard, especially with irrational fears, but trust me on this one – taking the time to validate your child’s feelings is so very helpful. It’s also really helpful to try to figure out the root of your child’s concerns. This will help you develop a plan to cope. It also models for your child how to think things through as well. When someone feels anxious, the alarm system in their brain is usually going off, so thinking is limited at best. It’s important to know that what you think is the problem, may not be the problem. I see that in therapy frequently, when the child and the parent describe the issue as completely different. It’s helpful sometimes to reach out to teachers, school counselors, therapists and such for support. They are in the business of helping kids, so they may have information that can make you and your child’s life much easier by helping you get through this problem. Steer clear of Guilt or Shame when it comes to motivational efforts. Guilt (I’m doing something bad) and Shame (I am a bad person) can leave your child feeling less than and incapable. It not only will hinder them with this issue, but cause much greater issues in the long term. Pick out some things that your child may like about school and focus on those. But, remember you don’t want to jump right to this, be sure to connect with your child and reflect their feelings first. If you jump right into convincing mode, you’re likely going to be met with deaf ears. It’s important to mention the reality of how kids can smell anxiety in their parents a mile away. They often take cues from their parents to see how confident, how trusting, how secure they should feel about a situation. That’s why it’s so very important to be calm and collected yourself. This takes some looking within. It can be difficult though, so it’s more important than ever to engage in self soothing and reach out for support for yourself if necessary through a support group, trusted friend, yoga class, therapy, etc... Plain and simple, your child looks to you as “this is how I should react to the world.” When you drop your child off at school, be supportive but calm and firm. A short and sweet kiss and a goodbye, “I love you. I see that your scared, but I know you’ll be okay here. We can see each other again after school.” helps. Sometimes it may feel heartbreaking to see your child cry and plead for you to stay, but if you continue to stand there and say goodbye over and over again, it just makes it harder on you, your child, and the classroom. I love those little Worry Eaters for the younger kids. I found mine on Amazon. There are also several books out there. For therapy options, I love using EMDR with kids and adults. In my experience, I’ve noticed that gets to the root of it quicker by desensitizing and reprocessing. Also, though stopping and therapeutic deep belly breaths can make a big difference. I’ve also had great experiences with essential oils. DoTerra brand has a blend, Serenity, which is good. I really like Eden Gardens brand though. They are less costly and really good. I use them is session with my clients for grounding and calming. I love lavender, peppermint, bergamot, and lemon.
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 27 Aug 2016 | 34: Labyrinths for Focus, Calmness, and Clarity | 00:25:23 | |
Episode 34, Labyrinths for Focus, Calmness, and Connection
In This Episode:
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| 30 Aug 2022 | 92. 3 Lessons in Play Therapy for My Birthday | 00:15:11 | |
In this week’s episode I wanted to talk to everyone directly. I recently enjoyed another birthday, and felt I should share some of the lessons I’ve learned overtime as a Play Therapist.
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| 22 Aug 2016 | 33: When a Parent Struggles with Depression | 00:20:12 | |
Depression is an often misunderstood condition. I think lots of times, the term “depression” get’s thrown around. In this episode I want to talk about what it is, what it is not, what helps, what doesn’t and how it can affect the realm of parenting. It’s so much more than just “being sad”. There are many types of depression. Having a baby, childbirth, can trigger a plethora of powerful emotions. It can be exciting, scary, heartwarming, and even depressing. Postpartum depression is not uncommon and can leave people feeling guilty and shameful, which makes it even worse. Lots of love and support for the mom and the baby is vital during this time. Often the medical team will check in with the parent to see if depressive symptoms are present. The parent child relationship is so very important. Especially important are the first 3 years of life. This is when attachment is formed. Attachment is a biggie as it really lays a blueprint in a child’s brain for other relationships. Attachment is an entirely other episode, but I bring it up here to really emphasize the importance of seeking treatment if you are a parent and you are experiencing symptoms of depression. It can affect your child’s development in a big way. Reaching out for support from a qualified mental health professional can make a big difference in your life and the lives of those that love you. It can allow your quality of life to improve and help you and your child or children to connect in a more meaningful way. When children see their parents suffering, it can take a toll for sure. There are many different treatments for depression. As a mental health counselor, I help many people with depression through therapy. It’s important to know that there are different types of therapy too. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, Art Therapy, Mindfulness, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Solution Focused therapy and much more. I prefer using the whole brain approach. Also there are other things that are great adjuncts to therapy, such as yoga, exercise, journaling, etc... The important thing is that you take action – don’t let it eat up these valuable parenting years. It’s tough and it’s hard to even get out of bed some days, and that’s where the support can come in. Some people seek medicine to address their depression. I just read Bessel Van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps the Score. I love how he describes it in there. Medicine should not be the first response, and when it is used, it should be used with caution and just to make the therapeutic experience more beneficial. It can dull the emotions that are problematic, but therapy ultimately helps the person to heal from it. Some people struggle lifelong with depression. It’s important to know that trying to convince someone of reasons why they should be happy is not helpful. It can actually make it worse. It’s also important to mention that depressive symptoms during a time of grief and loss is considered a normative state, and is treated in a different way. Therapy can still be very helpful in these situations.
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 02 May 2023 | 107. AutPlay® Therapy for Autistic Children and Adolescents | 00:14:31 | |
Here's my conversation with Dr. Robert Jason Grant as he shares about AutPlay Therapy. Robert Jason Grant is a licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor. He currently serves on the Board of Directors for the Association for Play Therapy and is the creator of AutPlay Therapy.
To learn more, visit: www.autplaytherapy.com
www.playtherapycommunity.com | |||
| 08 Dec 2016 | 44: Sandtray Therapy, a Deeper Level of Healing with Tammi Van Hollander LCSW |RPT | 00:25:14 | |
I love Sandtray Therapy! In my early days as a therapist, while I was working towards licensure Tammi Van Hollander was very influential on growth as a, then, aspiring Play Therapist (to be). She has a private practice in Ardmore, PA. Her passion and enthusiasm to helping people through Play Therapy is contagious. Since then, I have had years of experience with Sandtray, but will never, ever forget how much she taught me. I will always feel so very grateful to her and her work Sandtray work. This episode has been a dream of mine for a while now. We recorded it 2x due to technical errors, but finally got it out there. Here are some notes from our conversation on Sandtray Therapy.
For Therapists – Join Play Therapy Community ™ with Jackie to learn more... Launching Soon!
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| 09 Mar 2017 | 46: Parenting Kids that Love to Play Video Games | 00:23:53 | |
“Is my kid addicted to video games?” I hear that question all the time from parents. The word “addiction” is thrown round a lot these days… Video game addiction is not actually in the diagnostic manual per se, but some families have a real issue with their child being clued to a video game for many hours of the day. Sometimes, this is at the detriment of the social relationships play, family relationships, getting things. To steer away from the term addiction, which could be used totally appropriate here, I want to go to little bit deeper with this topic. As a hypnotherapist that helps people transition from being a smoker to a nonsmoker, the term addiction can sometimes leave people feeling stuck and held captive by something larger than them. I prefer to use the word habit, just because habits are much easier to change. It’s all about perception and mindset, especially with our kids. I just had an episode with Dr. Temple Grandin, perhaps the most famous person with Autism Spectrum Disorder in the world. In that episode, she spoke to the connection between kids have an Autism Spectrum Disorder and their often strong attraction to play videogames. Many people children and adults included are trying to videogames for hours on end. Dr. Grandin recommends limiting their time on the games and involving them in some type of activity where they feel useful and helpful. This approach helps prevent the dreaded scenario of having a 29 year old living at your house without skill, ambition, and desire to move into a more interactive kind of life that involves independence, responsibility and work ethic. When is video gaming a problem? Moderation is the keyword here. And, prioritization. Just to be clear I am not anti-video games, I’m just pro parenting wisely when it comes to this area. As a parent of the kid that loves to play video games I totally understand the excitement and the joy and skill building in all of the strategic thinking that goes with it. I’ve also experienced the other end where it is all-consuming, when situations left me wondering how to wean back without an unimaginable amount of upset or a disaster scenario. This is where an ounce of prevention is like a pound of cure applies. But, it’s never, ever too late to improve. Excessive, unmonitored, and/or violent video gaming can put a child at risk for increased irritability, avoidance of other healthy activities such as playing, reading, doing chores, spending time with family, obesity, etc.… A very real concern sometimes involves safety such as connection and communication with strangers. It can get downright scary.But what can you do? What’s the solution? It can be a real dilemma, especially if you have a child that has been playing games for years and you fear an emotional explosion if you decide to pull the plug. Many times children that Play video games excessively also use the gaming as a in emotional self-regulation technique a.k.a. “A source of calming.” This could create a situation where the child is especially upset over losing the privilege of playing video game, win the video game is actually their way of calming down. This is why I recommend never going “cold turkey”. Never take away 100% of the videogame time if they are truly relying on it to help regulate their emotions without any other calming techniqes. Slowly pulling back to healthier lifestyle can be achieved much easier. Our children’s brains are not fully developed until about the ages of 21 to 24, so they are already working on limited ability to come down.Okay, following are the things that I think are important to keep in mind when making decisions around this matter. Each family is different… each family has their own set of values, rules, expectations, culture,… So the decisions that you may make for your child may look totally different than the decisions that your friend makes for her child– And that’s okay! Be involved, know what your kid is playing enjoying in periodically. When you are not involved it is like a secret world you have limited information about. No need to tell you about all of the dangers of the Internet, as I’m sure that you already know from my previous podcast episode on the subject. Sit down with your child to play the game every once in a while. It’s hard to find time to even take a shower before 11 PM much less to sit down to play a video game with your kid. But it is so very important to be involved. It’s a big deal. The stakes are high. Then you know what your child was doing and is exposed to, as well as it turns it into a connected activity. Also, pay attention to the rating levels… I recommend being really conservative with time here… Some of the games with the enhanced graphic these days are really activating… It does have an effect on your child’s perception of normalcy. Kids need to be kids while they are kids. Enough said here the violent games are not good …for anyone ! Place your child’s gaming device and/or computer in a public area. When parents put gaming devices in their bedroom, they are really limiting their capacity to not only know what the child is playing to be more aware of how long they are playing for and with whom they are playing. This is a biggie!Also, prioritize, prioritize, prioritize… be sure that your child gets their chores done come other homework done, their playtime and their social time in before they play games. Also, be sure that they get to be in time. The crankiness meter can shoot up fast with sleep deprivation, regardless of age. This helps to ensure that gaming is PART of their life, not their ENTIRE life. Many kids are at risk of turning into a hermit crab and staying in the room for hours upon and only to come out when they need food, a bathroom break, or prompted by their parents. It can get bad sometimes. Some warning signs that your child is playing too much is when they give emotionally explosive when it’s time to get off, when you wake up in middle the night to go to the bathroom and you see that they’re playing video games instead of sleeping school night or not, feelings of disconnection from family and friends, when they do not get enough physical exercise because they are always sitting in front of the computer or the gaming device, when they don’t want to do anything except for play their video game, and several more things that I’m probably not thinking about basically becomes a problem when it is the problem. What are your thoughts? Jump in the Facebook group at Parenting in the Rain Community and let me know what strategies you have adopted to help your kids moderator video game usage For Therapists – Join Play Therapy Community ™ with Jackie to learn more... Launching Soon!
http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
Find a Play Therapist Near You
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| 03 Mar 2016 | 10: 11 Tips to Homework Success for You & Your Child with Attention Deficit Disorder | 00:20:33 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 10 11 Tips to Homework Success for You & Your Child with Attention Deficit DisorderIn This Episode: 1st Tip: RoutineIs it difficult to fit homework into your busy schedules? Have you ever been up with your child at 10pm or later struggling to finish homework? Scheduling a set time each day, preferably right after school, can help tremendously. Routines help people feel secure, safe, and in control. This holds especially true for children with focus issues struggling with homework productivity. A solid routine should look, feel, and sound the same each day. For example:
2nd Tip: EnjoymentDo you ever feel like a “tyrant” parent at homework time? Yelling, threatening, and shaming your child into completing assignments, only to realize that success is costing you and your family happiness and feelings of his self-worth? Upbeat, positive support during homework time makes the tasks easier to deal with, while utilizing energy for homework itself. Remember, our children will often reflect our mood as their own. So doing our best to keep itmpositive and cheerful can result in the same from them. However, the same is true for negativity. If we are grumpy, our child will likely mirror that as well. 3rd Tip: Visual TimerHas your child ever continuously asked “When can I be done?” so many times that it inhibits her ability to focus on the task at hand? A visual timer can help. Provide your child with some type of a visual timing device (i.e. clock, timer, etc.…). This reduces the distraction of time, which enhances focus. Here’s one that I recommend… Homework Time Tracker * an affiliate link for a product that I love! 4th Tip: Organized SpaceDo you struggle to find a spot for your child to do homework? Clutter can destroy motivation and productivity! Block off 30 minutes to create an organized space that minimizes distractions, allows for comfort, and is clutter free. Simply put, people are more productive in such environments. This will be time well spent. 5th Tip: Managed MovementDo you ever find yourself continuously asking your child to sit down and get back to work? Do tolerance levels decrease while frustrations go through the roof? Allowing your child to move can help. Sometimes standing at the table can help, sitting on balance ball chair, allowing for wiggling in the seat can help, especially for children with Attention Deficit Disorder. Some people have great success with putting painter’s tape to create boundaries for the child to move in, while remaining at their work station. *here’s an affiliate link to an excise ball that I use with my kiddos Balance Ball Chair 6th Tip: Frequent BreaksHave you ever tried to power through homework time, only to realize that it took 3 times the amount of time you estimated? Frequent breaks can help. The benefit of frequent breaks should not be underestimated. A 1-2 minute stretch break can make children’s ideas flow more freely, allow for a release of pinned up energy, and help the brain to function more efficiently. Movement is SO helpful for brain function, especially for children with Attention Deficit Disorder. Time well spent, for sure! 7th Tip: Proximity for ProductivityHave you ever walked in to the room to find your child goofing off, when they were supposed to working on homework or studying? There is no substitute for being physically close (remember to be respectful of his personal space) to him during this time. The amount of closeness varies depending on his needs, but in general there is no substitute for being there. Closeness demonstrates support, reduces the temptation to go off task, and allows you to help redirect and refocus as needed. It is important to know that some children thrive with 1 on 1, while others my just prefer you in the same room. Remember, to keep the closeness as a positive, not something to use as a punishment or shameful remark. 8th Tip: Distraction Free Zone to Increase ProductivityDoes your child seem to take forever to finish a simple task or get easily frustrated when asked to get back to work? Well, taking away distractions such as cell phones, tablets, televisions, games, people, etc… can be especially helpful. A distraction free workspace increases productive, on-task behaviors. 9th Tip: Positivity for Long-term Happiness and Self WorthHave you ever yelled hurtful things to your child during homework time, leaving you feeling guilty, inadequate, and empty at the end of the day? Well, you are not alone. As human beings, we are subject to our own emotional overloads as well. Knowing this can help you to mentally prepare for this time by saying positive statements to yourself and your child. Statements such as “I will remain calm”, “when I am calm, it helps her to be calm”, “I will do everything I can to set myself and my child up for homework success, but I will not expect perfection”, “Trying your best is all that I expect of you”, and such. 10th Tip: Praise vs Specific Statements to Repeat WinsDo you ever find yourself saying “good job” only to wonder if it helps? Specificity, makes a difference. Generic praise can sound fake and not produce the intended result of letting the child know that you like what they did, with the hopes of similar behavior in the future. Specific phrases such as, “You chose to finish your homework, now you get to go outside to play with your friends for an hour” not only lets her know exactly what to repeat, but it also teaches her that their choices have consequences good and bad, which is a wonderful lesson to learn. 11th Tip: Water / Healthy Snacks to Boost Brain PowerHas your child ever been cranky, sensitive, or unproductive during homework time? Providing a healthy snack such as a fruit and/or vegetable, energy bar, and such can give him the extra needed boost to get them through the homework tasks. Many children on medication report not being hungry during the day, but by the time they get home they are famished. Also, water is essential. Skip on the sugary drinks. Water hydrates the brain, which helps her perform at her best.
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| 11 Jan 2018 | 69: Synergetic Play Therapy with Lisa Dion | 00:36:58 | |
Lisa Dion is the creator of Synergetic Play Therapy and is the founder and director of the Play Therapy Institute of Colorado
She is experienced in many settings to include private practice, schools, social services, foster care agencies, and orphanages.
Synergetic Play Therapy’s name was influenced by Lisa’s love for the brain and understanding what happens in the nervous system.
The collaboration between the child and the therapist, and on a deeper level between the mind, breath, body is an important support in the therapeutic process. Through this realization, she was drawn to the word “synergy” since it is the idea that when 2 parts come together, the effect is so much greater than what they are individually. Collaboration within the therapist, child and between them both is cultivated.
Through Lisa’s work, before she created Synergetic Play Therapy, she felt like something was missing. She had a personal experience with her daughter that gave her an intuitive felt sense of the importance of bringing in the nervous system getting into the somatics. Becoming an external regulator can take it to a deeper level of healing. Accessing the brainstem allows for work involving the level of attunement such as what’s present between a caregiver and an infant.
Synergetic Play Therapy is not a list of fun techniques or activities to do with the child, but rather it is a “way of being”.
One of her students said, “Synergetic Play Therapy gives birth to the authentic self within the child and the therapist.”
Lisa urges her students to study as many philosophies and models of play therapy as possible to maximize their abilities.
Implicit memories bring a feeling and a felt sense that was placed in the early years. Often before the age 3, the implicit memories provide the structures in the brain.
When Lisa’s daughter was born, she was emotionally dysregulated. While Lisa was pregnant with her, they both experienced a car crash. When she was born, Lisa was on a journey to help her rewire her nervous system. She had her first play therapy experience at 9 months old where she played out shock of what she felt when the car accident happened.
The exchange happening between the therapist and the child is such a vital part of therapy.
Synergetic play therapy teaches the therapist what to do with their personal experience of what the child is feeling and experiencing through the play.
When parents are dysregulated, they need to regulate before they tend to their child.
The therapist does a lot of breathing, and modeling for the child. The mirror neuron system allows the child to borrow the therapist’s regulatory system. Therapist use themselves to support the child through their healing. The therapist is intentionally authentic and may rock, say things, and do things that the child needs right in the moment.
Lisa tells a story of a child that had many generalized fears that learned regulatory techniques such as holding her heart and stomach while she did that during his expressions of the fearful scenerios. In session 3, he reported that he knew what to do when he got scared. He was able to borrow her nervous system, watch how she handled the situations, and internalized a way of taking care of himself during these types of situations. Through that process, his nervous system got rewired organically and experientially.
This process also helps keep the therapist well during the process.
Synergetic Play Therapy also offers a certification option as well.
Lisa has a new book coming out in Spring of 2018, “Aggression in Play Therapy: A Neurobiological Approach for Integrating Intensity” from Norton Publishers.
Lessons from the Playroom bi-weekly Podcast https://playtherapycolorado.com/podcasts/ Hour Live Webinar – 1 x a month https://playtherapycolorado.com/webinar/ Community Membership https://learn.playtherapycolorado.com/product/membership-site/ Play Therapy Institute of Colorado’s Website: https://playtherapycolorado.com/
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 16 Aug 2022 | 90. A Chat with Bridger and Caleb about the Polyvagal Theory and PLAY Therapy | 00:50:17 | |
Join me in conversation about with Bridger Falkenstien and Caleb Boston as we chat about the Polyvagal Theory. I met these guy through the Notice That podcast at Beyond Healing. I first met Bridger, then quickly met Caleb (his “twin flame”). They are super passionate about anything and everything related to the Polyvagal Theory. They have such great energy together and are SUPER KNOWLEDGEABLE with it comes to the nervous system and about a gazillion other things.
To learn more, visit: https://theevidencebasedtherapist.com https://connectbeyondhealing.com/our-team/486-2/
Join us in our facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity Join our EMDR Learning Community at https://emdr-learning.com/share/TzabloXTllAx8cpw?utm_source=manual Join the Beyond Healing Community at https://beyondhealingcommunity.com/share/fHxpN42T3SaHAAh9?utm_source=manual
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| 14 Apr 2017 | 53: Sandtray Therapy and the Brain with Amy Flaherty, LPE-I, RPT | 00:16:39 | |
Episode 53 – Sandtray Therapy and the Brain Expert Guest: Amy Flaherty, LPE-I, RPT is the Founder and Director of the Southern Sandtray Institute located in Jonesboro, AR. She has a hybrid program to credential therapists as a Registered Integrative Sandtray Therapist (RIST). In addition to the formal credentialing program, Amy also offers online sandtray training through The Sandtray Suite. To find out more and grab your free Sandtray technique, simply go to www.sandtraysuite.com/ssi. In this episode, Amy Flaherty LPE-I, RPT covers the following:
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 28 Apr 2016 | 18: When a Child has Suicidal Thoughts | 00:41:00 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 18 When a Child has Suicidal Thoughts In This Episode: Below are some snippets from a conversation with Jonathan Singer, LCSW, Ph.D. on this episode of Parenting in the Rain podcast. Jonathan shares that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the United States. “Risk factors” are different than “warning signs” when talking about the issue of suicide. Risk factors are conditions that increase the person’s chance that they may try to take their life by suicide. It is important to know that having risk factors doesn’t equate to suicide ideation or intent. Warning signs are things that let you know that there are foreseeable plans for suicide in the near future. It’s important that a thorough assessment is done by a mental health professional if warning signs are present. Expressing “hopeless” about the future and talking about a plan are some warning signs to be aware of. It’s important for parents to listen to their children, especially when warning signs are present, and to take it seriously. Dismissing a child’s warnings signs are not helpful and could be dangerous. When someone dismisses a child’s thoughts of emotional pain they may interpret the person as conveying “your pain is not a priority to me”. When adults can determine if the child wants “to die” or just wants “to be happy”, a supportive response can be more aligned with what is the best help for the child during that time. Parents should seek support from mental health professionals before suicide ideation is present if possible. Sometimes the egocentric state that can be present in teenagers due to a natural developmental stage of adolescence can lead them to feel like thoughts of suicide is something that “everyone” has present in their lives and feeling like it is “normal”. It is important to concerns relating to suicide early and often. It’s important to seek assistance from professionals when you suspect suicidal thoughts; parents should not try to figure out how to help their child on their own as even the professionals consult since it can be a complex and is a serious matter. Nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) is the intentional, self-inflicted harm to one’s body. If someone is engaging in self-harming behavior, even if believed to be NSSI, a suicide risk assessment should be performed in a professional setting. There are many reasons why children engage in self harming behaviors, mental health professionals can perform a suicide risk assessment and help with issues surrounding the self-harming behaviors. “Postvention” happens after a suicide death to support people as it pertains to prevention of future deaths by suicide and to address the grief and trauma of the bereaved. Jonathan mentioned a great resource for schools, “After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools” https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/App_Files/Media/PDF/sprc_online_library.pdf It’s important to be aware and a part of your child’s social media world to use as your own “megaphone” to communicate helpful information to those in need of it. Sometimes children have more than one social media account. It’s important to be aware and involved as a parent. Jonathan mentioned the following quotes: Carl Rogers’ quote, “Congruence e is the key to happiness.” And, the quote “Suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.” Hannah’s Heroes is a non-profit organization with a passionate mission to draw attention to youth suicide prevention. They work with and through community agencies and partners to develop solutions that provide support for their community and prevent other losses. Visit their website at http://www.hannahs-heroes.org/ and donate to their cause, Youth Suicide Prevention, if possible. | |||
| 22 Sep 2020 | 77: Nurturing Parent Engagement in Play Therapy with Clair Mellethin | 00:31:23 | |
In this episode, Clair Mellenthin guides us through the important pieces of parent consultation. She highlights the importance of meeting parents with compassion and connection through support. Through this approach, client’s tend to meet their treatment goals in a more thorough, faster way. Clair offers support and coaching to parents and clinicians. You can find more of what she has to offer at these links to her website, https://clairmellenthin.com/online-courses-for-professional/#professional and https://clairmellenthin.com/online-learning-for-parents/ | |||
| 31 Aug 2021 | 81. Integrating Art Into Your Child Therapy Practice | 00:41:50 | |
In this episode, Jocelyn Fitzgerald, a Board-Certified Art Therapist, shares with us simple and practical ways to integrate Art Therapy techniques into our work with kids! I found out about her on ETSY through a search. I was (and still am!!) in awe of her beautiful, artsy therapy tools. I ordered the window of tolerance. Be sure to check out her website https://www.jocelynfitzgerald.com and her book "Colorful Place: a Mindful Story and Art for Kids: on Amazon. Hop in our Play Therapy Community Facebook group to share some of your ideas on how to bring Art into your child therapy space! Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/ Online Play Therapy Demo Videos with Jackie Flynn https://www.youtube.com/watch? Play Therapy Members Community www.playtherapycommunity.com Jackie Flynn's Consultation and Training www.jackieflynnconsulting.com Jackie Flynn's Private Practice www.counselinginbrevard.com Play Therapy Community Trainings https:// Play Therapy Community Facebook Group https://www.facebook. EMDR with Kids Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/ 2nd Annual Innovative Child Therapy Symposium https:// EMDR Consultation https://www. Scheduling with Jackie https:// | |||
| 01 Sep 2020 | 74: Sandtray Therapy | 00:38:19 | |
In this episode, Jamie shares with us some basic information about Sandtray Therapy. She discusses the importance of formalized training and warns against offering sandtray therapy to your clients if you have not received adequate training. Sandtray is a powerful tool that can open up and heal some painful issues that require specialized training to ensure client emotional safety. Jamie Lynn Langley, LCSW, RPT-S has been a practicing child, family and play therapist in Tennessee for almost 30 years. For most of that time she worked in community mental health before going into private practice in late 2016. Jamie is also an adjunct professor for two universities in Tennessee (Middle TN State University and Lipscomb University). She co-founded and serves as the President of the Tennessee branch of the Association for Play Therapy and is a charter member of the Children & Nature Network founded by RIchard Louv. Jamie specializes in working with children and their families who have undergone trauma, loss, divorce, disruption and other adverse conditions and brings in nature as part of healing practice whenever possible. A former Cub Scout leader for 15 years, she especially enjoys her personal and family time in nature, especially at the beach and the breathtaking Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee. Jamie Lynn Langley, LCSW, RPT-S Licensed Clinical Social Worker Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor President, TN Association for Play Therapy Adjunct Faculty, MTSU Dept. of Social Work and Lipscomb University Dept. of Psychology, Counseling and Family Science Board Member, World Assoc of Sand Therapy Professionals | |||
| 15 Jun 2017 | 58: Maternal Mental Health with Dr. Katayune Kaeni, Psy.D., Host of Mom & Mind Podcast | 00:28:17 | |
In this episode Dr. Kat covers the following:
Dr. Kat’s Amazing Podcast http://www.momandmind.com
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/
https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/
https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 23 Aug 2022 | 91. Poke a Hole in Your Bucket with Nicole Looney | 00:13:31 | |
Join me in conversation with Nicole Looney. I recently met Nicole at an EMDR Advanced training with Dr. Dobo. We hit if off right away. She’s so passionate about what she does. Her work ethic, skill level, experience, insight, and pure BRILLIANCE is incredible. In this episode, she shares her bucket metaphor with us. I love the way she describes how we can help our clients manage their stress levels. This is just one of the many, many things she does well. To learn more from her, visit: https://www.starcounselingserv.com/meet-nicole-looney
Join us in our facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity Join our EMDR Learning Community at https://emdr-learning.com/share/TzabloXTllAx8cpw?utm_source=manual Join the Beyond Healing Community at https://beyondhealingcommunity.com/share/fHxpN42T3SaHAAh9?utm_source=manual | |||
| 22 Jun 2017 | 59: Dr. Edmunds – All About Creating a Therapeutic Board Game | 00:19:56 | |
Ellis Edmunds is a licensed psychologist in Oakland, CA. He has a private practice working with teens and adults struggling with anxiety. He is passionate about Mindfulness practices and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. He also loves to play games of all kind and has created a therapeutic board game called The Mindful Bus that can be used with groups or in a one on one setting. He believes games can provide a fun, safe, and interactive experience for therapeutic work to take place. In this episode Dr. Edmunds covers the following: -How he got the idea for the board game by working with teens and adults.
http://www.boardgamesmaker.com http://facebook.com/drellisedmunds
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/
https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/
https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 04 Jan 2018 | 68: The Language of Adoption with Jill Aller, EdS | 00:43:36 | |
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| 29 Jun 2017 | Episode 60: Understanding Infant Toddler Mental Health with Billie Jo Clausen, MA, Early Childhood Specialist / Infant Toddler Mental Health Specialist | 00:37:59 | |
In this episode Billie Jo covers the following:
https://www.zerotothree.org/early-learning/infant-and-early-childhood-mental-health
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/
https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/
https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 09 Jun 2016 | 24: Teaching Kids with ADHD & Autism Spectrum Disorder Calm Their Chaos through Mindfulness with Robert Cox, M.A., PLPC, NCC | 00:45:16 | |
In This Episode:Robert Cox specializes in the treatment of Trauma and Autism Spectrum Disorder and uses mindfulness extensively in his practice. He lectures nationally on autism and works as a consultant for children’s psychiatric hospitals in the development of Autism treatment programs. Recently, he has become the lead consultant for the creation of a special needs school for autism in Cameroon, Africa. He also provides consultation service for parents. His expertise is valued all around the world. Mindfulness is really paying attention to one specific thing. It is about being quiet long enough to create a space between the limbic region and the forebrain. Taste can be used in mindfulness activities. This works great with kids that may not be able to understand some of the more complex tasks. It’s important to involve all of the senses. It’s really about teaching them to pay attention to one thing at time. Mindfulness with kids with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder can help with focus, calm and clarity. Robert uses mindfulness in his practice with almost all of his clients with trauma, addictions, social isolation/bullying, Autism, ADHD, and much more. It can have a powerful impact! Mindfulness can really have a great effect with students in the school system. “Pain is a guaranteed part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be.” Robert Cox Mindfulness can help parents regulate themselves so they aren’t bouncing off of their child’s emotional state. Robert uses Gummies, Oranges, M&Ms and such to teach help kids experience mindfulness. It’s important to find something that is really attractive to the child so it really holds their attention. It’s important to practice mindfulness with your kids, because they will respond to it when they need it instinctively. It will become a learned behavior and become a functional tool. We know from research that it “rewires” the brain, thickens the part of the brain that enables better access to greater processing abilities. Mindfulness can help people with Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD, because it retrains the brain. Oxytocin is referred to as the “Hug Drug” in reference to social relations. It helps people connect and feel love and strengthens relationships. It’s important for parents to practice mindfulness themselves. Teach your kids to pay attention with all of their senses. When kids see their parents using mindfulness they are more likely to use it themselves. The biggest challenge that people usually come up is when people try to stop the thoughts. But, the trick is to just let the thoughts release through the breath without forcing the thoughts to stop. Robert tells us about a technique called “Becoming the Observer” that can help people avoid the suffering. | |||
| 30 Nov 2017 | 66: Group Therapy with Children and Teens with Katie May MS, NCC, LPC, DBTC | 00:19:59 | |
Katie May is the “Group Guru”.
She works exclusively with teenagers in a teen support center in Flourtown, Pennsylvania.
Groups energize Katie. She says that groups can’ save th’e world.
In groups, people feel less alone in their struggles and they start to heal in ways that individual therapy can’t provide.
Her groups are focused on the ideas of connection.
She told us about a group that she runs that looks at being nonjudgmental for teens. She talked about using rocks to illustrate the judgements that they have for themselves. She has them decorate the rocks to describe the judgements and toss them away as a concrete expression of getting rid of their judgements. The teens put the rocks in a bag, weigh them and then toss them away into the water. This helps with processing of letting go of the judgements.
Sometimes her groups do a “compliment circle” to express and receive kindness from others. Her pre and post assessment of their state of happiness improves after the kindness circle occurs.
Katie prefers clear names for groups, rather than clever names. This helps to make the process for the parents and caregivers looking for support for their child finding the groups simple and understanding .
Many times, teens can present with resistance towards therapy.
Katie runs a skills group for teens. The connection that they have with each other is really important.
She offers Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that she infuses in many of her groups. She provides experiential activities to help them actually know what works for them and how it feels.
Pros Group therapy helps clients feel understood and connected to a positive support system. When people can connect with their peers to feel less alone. Social support is so very important and can be a positive experience.
Cons
It’s so important to build trust and let the relationships form before diving into tough stuff. It’s important to put yourself into the group member’s shoes.
http://www.becomeagroupguru.com https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 09 Sep 2020 | 75: EMDR Therapy with Children | 00:45:10 | |
In this Episode, Jackie Flynn, EMDRIA approved consultant and a registered play therapist talks about EMDR therapy with kids. EMDR Therapy has 8 phases: 1. History Talking, 2. Preparation, 3. Assessment, 4. Desensitization, 5. Reprocessing, 6. Body Scan, 7. Closure, 8. Reevaluation.
Since children are not miniature adults, it's important to work with children in developmentally appropriate ways. Play Therapy techniques can be integrated into all 8 of the phases to support children's developing brains. Be sure to check out www.jackieflynnconsulting.com if you are an EMDR trained therapist in search of advanced training to teach you how to adapt your work to fit the needs of your child and teen clients. | |||
| 14 Jul 2016 | 29: How Taking Advice from Other Parents Can Be Like Wearing Their Skinny Jeans | 00:31:52 | |
In This Episode: I’m reflecting on all the times I have made a mistake as a parent. Whew! This realization cans me quite humbling. Now, to be completely honest, I could not possibly remember each time that I have made a parenting mistake. Or any mistake for that matter. As I have probably made about a gazillion mistakes in my lifetime, and certainly many of them during last 13-ish years as a parent. But, I’m totally okay with that since I have learned from them. Lessons learned by experience are LONG LASTING and VALUABLE. One biggie that I’ve learned is, it is okay to not be the “PERFECT” parent. Really, is there such a thing anyway? Mention of this reminds me of Brene Brown’s (I LOVE her work!) beautiful book, “The Gift of Imperfection”. Her message is a life changer for so many, myself included. All of her books and talks are incredible. Being the “best” parent that YOU can be is what truly matters. At the time of this writing, I have not yet met a “perfect” parent. I don’t expect that I ever will either. It’s just not a realistic expectation. What is a realistic expectation however, is that we do what works best for us, while honoring the uniqueness and individuality in our own selves and our own family. Being the absolute “best” parent that you can be is SO MUCH more rewarding, attainable and worthwhile. I have met many AMAZING parents over the years though. With these parents, I’ve noticed that they all incorporate…
… into their own parenting styles in their own, unique ways. Also, these parents all seem to give themselves, and the ones that they love, permission to make mistakes. Brilliant, right? It’s important to mention that the topic of parenting sometimes lends itself to strong opinions. Getting past the point of letting other people’s opinions drive our decisions can feel so EMPOWERING. It allows us to relax and actually be able to enjoy our kiddos and the experiences that life has to offer. This effort is totally worth it. Freeing our hearts and opening our minds enables us to access a beautiful space that holds the SELF-LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and HAPPINESS that we crave. As a therapist specializing in Child Parent Relationship Therapy, I teach parents to “Focus on the Donut, Not the Hole”. I interpret this to mean, focus your energy on the good stuff, not on what’s going wrong. Sure, we need to address things that go wrong, but it’s not helpful to fall into the perpetual pit of doom that focusing on weaknesses can bring. Things get so much tougher when we dwell on the negative. I have seen such healing, growth and improvements in people’s life with this one realization. This is not my idea however, as it is part of the therapeutic protocol outlined in CPRT Package: Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual: A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for Training Parents, by Bratton S., Landreth, G, Kellam, T., and Blackard, S. Their “FOCUS ON THE DONUT, NOT THE HOLE” concept is only part of this incredibly effective type of relationship based therapy. The other tenents of their book and manual are brilliant as well! If you are searching for:
…this type of therapy is recommended. Good stuff! In regard to tough situations that life can offer, I invite you to “Focus on the Donut” on a personal level as well. Noticing what you are doing “right” can make tough situations much easier by fostering feelings of adequacy, self–worth, and capability. Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes, with the INTENTION of learning from them and ultimately doing better the next time is good stuff. The word “intention” means to do something on purpose. Parenting “on purpose” can leave us feeling empowered and in control. Maya Angelou’s brilliant words “when we know better, we do better” apply here, for sure. So, education is key to making informed decisions on purpose. I love, Love, LOVE learning from experts in the field on topics such as neuroscience, child development, behavioral strategies and interventions, etc.… Through this I attain much greater amounts of insight and accurate information. I remember when my first child was born, I was quickly realized that other, often well-meaning parents can express strong opinions based on the big issues. Whoa… This caught me off guard a bit. It took me a while to realize that I had a choice in those types of situations. When I finally realized that, I felt like I could breathe again and enjoy being a parent. The fact of the matter is, we can choose to perceive these types of comments as judgmental, mini aggressions. (This choice can be emotionally draining for sure!) Or, we can CHOOSE to take away the information that I can use and leave the rest. It is our CHOICE. It is nice to have a choice, right? I think we have all experienced it at one time or another–The dreaded “No, you should _____________ instead. You’re doing it wrong.” Ouch! Sometimes, words from others can sometimes sound judgmental and sting, leaving us feeling paralyzed, inadequate, and unable to function at our personal best. Issues such as:
… can keep parents up at night, wondering “Am I doing the right thing?”. It can feel OVERWHELMING! For the most part, people mean well… giving their words of advice that they believe to be helpful can be an act of kindness for sure. Many times their advice is just what we need. But, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes, advice from others can leave us feeling torn and confused. Especially, when it isn’t aligned with OUR VALUES, STYLE, and DESIRES for our families. The key to gaining helpful parent knowledge in these situations is to take what information applies and leave the rest. I’m a huge fan of gathering as much information as possible. Making informed decisions is a biggie for me. I continuously gather information from books, blogs, podcast, conferences, and more… As these sources can be just what I need. I take what I need and leave the rest. To be clear, I certainly have my ideas on what works and what doesn’t for MY family. Who doesn’t, right? I am super aware though that they are just that… MY ideas. In my work as a Registered Play Therapist, Educator, and a Parent Coach, I have learned the immense value of truly listening to parents for the purpose of accurately identifying what is working and what is not, as well as accurately identifying what is at the root of the concerns. This approach enables me to provide information that they can wrap around THEIR VALUES, and build on from then on. Good stuff! Information is SO valuable. In my personal and professional life, I steer clear of the “You shoulds…” every chance that I get. Recently, I heard the saying “Don’t Should’ve on Yourself!”. It made me chuckle and raise my eyebrow, as it is such a valuable reminder of how “should’s” can certainly be the thief of our parenting joy. It is important to know, that a “one size fits all” parenting style simply does not exist. It’s like trying to FIT INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S SKINNY JEANS! Sometimes they just don’t fit… With enough effort, we may be able to get them on and button them up, but sometimes they just don’t fit. And, they can leave us feeling uncomfortable, leaving us unable to relax and enjoy life…enough said! What works for me, may not work for you… and, what works for you may not work for your best friend’s cousin… “Intentionality” is the vital. Plain and simple. Being clear on YOUR:
…is absolutely essential. A lack of clarity in these areas can leave you feeling exhausted…like you are running around in circles, expending your precious energy on what OTHERS think you should do, and sometimes swimming in a tumultuous river of PARENT GUILT. Subscribe to “Parenting in the Rain” podcast on iTunes, if you haven’t already. Also, join us in our FB Community at https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
We are on this journey together. In the meantime, breathe easy, give yourself permission to be human – to be imperfect, and love with your whole heart. And remember, squeezing into someone else’s skinny jeans isn’t always the best idea. =) Happy Parenting!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 23 Jun 2016 | 26: A Child is Like a Butterfly | 00:10:31 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 26 A Child is Like a Butterfly Are you a parent worried about your child through your divorce? Here’s a link to my s Free Parent Class http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/parentingthroughdivorce In This Episode: Just like a butterfly needs the struggle of emerging from the chrysalis to get it’s blood to it’s wings then ultimately fly, so does a child. Giving children the gift of responsibilities sends them the message “I believe in you!”. “I believe you are capable.” “You can difficult things.” “You are an important member of this family.” Responsibilities and chores really equip our children with the confidence, grit and work ethic to go out into the world and dare to follow, and work for, dreams. When kids have responsibilities, it nurtures their sense of self-worth which relates to self-esteem. Some parents don’t require their kids to do chores for a variety of reasons. They may feel guilty about a touch circumstance such as divorce, health condition, or some other hardship. This is often done with good intention, but it actually limits the child even more. If you want to set your child up for success, give your child a meaningful chore around the house; ones that they do, just because they are an important member of the family. It’s important to make the chores meaningful, achievable and worthwhile. Also, be sure to notice that the child did the chore or took care of the responsibility. Be careful to not be overly critical of the child’s work, as that could leave him feeling defeated and undervalued. Create an environment that fosters a love for participation and follow-through. Resist the urge to pay your child with allowance for all of their chores, not all certainly, but have some chores be just a part of their life duties. This will help them get the blood to their wings and ultimately fly independently. Resources (Some of the Links Below are Affiliate Links) https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 03 Jan 2023 | 101. Practical Applications of the NeedsConnection Parenting Model | 00:26:13 | |
Today I'm having a conversation with Doctor Becky to discuss the NeedsConnection Parenting Model. I'm so excited to share this experience with you. Ready to take your EMDR practice to the next level? Join the EMDR Learning Community https://emdr-learning.com/share/TzabloXTllAx8cpw?utm_source=manual | |||
| 08 Jun 2017 | 57: How Family Meetings Can Help with Mercedes Saudi, LCSW | 00:27:17 | |
Expert Guest: Mercedes Samudio, LCSW Mercedes Samudio, LCSW is a parent coach, speaker, and author who helps parents and children communicate with each other, manage emotional trauma, navigate social media and technology together, and develop healthy parent-child relationships. Over the course of her career, she has worked with adoptive families, foster families, teen parents, parents navigating the child protective services system, and children living with mental illness. Mercedes started the #EndParentShaming movement as well as coined the term Shame-Proof Parenting – using both to bring awareness to ending parent shame. Mercedes is a leading parenting expert and has an amazing following on social media that allows her to reach the hearts of thousands of parents who feel heard and seen on their parenting journey. She has been featured on The Huffington Post, US News and Report, Woman’s Day, LA Parent Magazine, CBS LA, and Kids In The House. Mercedes seeks to empower parents to believe that they are already great guides for raising healthy and happy children. You can read more about her parenting expertise at http://shameproofparenting.com.
In this episode, Mercedes covers the following:
Mercedes’ Book – Shame Proof Parenting https://www.facebook.com/ShameProofParenting/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/
https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/
https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 14 Apr 2016 | 16: Tips for Successful Co-Parenting (Even in High Conflict Situations) | 00:19:13 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 15 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting (even in high conflict situations) In This Episode: (this information is also available on the free download)
Lorrie Brook provides some tips regarding Communication & Respect for parents struggling with co-parenting in separation and divorce situations in their families. Communication It is important that despite living in 2 separate households you both maintain an open line of communication within the family. If you aren’t sure if it is something worth telling ask yourself this: Use this question as your guide –“If this happened in the other parent’s household would I want to know?” If the answer is yes – let them know. When you are communicating with the other types remember these tips: 1. Be polite 2. Be concise 3. Don’t exaggerate, embellish or understate what happened. Tell it as it is. Respect While co-parents are no longer in a romantic relationship with each other, they are in a co-parenting relationship and as such respect plays a big role. Here are some tips: 1. Be polite 2. Use your manners (please and thank you go a long way!) 3. Don’t talk badly about the other parent in front of the children 4. Don’t allow others to talk badly about the other parent in front of the children 5. If your children mention the other parent to you – don’t roll your eyes or the like. 6. If your children start to be rude or disrespect the other parent, correct them and talk to them about it. You can read the full show notes at www.jackieflynnconsulting.com/episode16 | |||
| 16 Nov 2020 | 80. Helping Children Heal from Trauma through the Integration of EMDR & Play Therapy | 00:40:05 | |
This episode was sparked by the release of the book EMDR with Children in the Play Therapy Room by Ann Beckley-Forest and Annie Monaco. They are responsible for educating child therapists all over the world on how to deliver EMDR therapy to children and teens through the integration of Play Therapy. In this episode, prepare to be inspired by a conversation with Ann and Annie, as well as Lisa Dion, the creator of Synergetic Play Therapy. Their passion for helping children heal from trauma through Play Therapy and EMDR is unbelievably beautiful. Visit more information on their work and training information, be sure to visit www.synergeticplaytherapy.com and https://www.anniemonaco.com/trainings/emdr-trainings | |||
| 31 Oct 2016 | 40: A Parents Guide to Having a Helpful and Productive Meeting at School | 00:24:14 | |
Episode 40, A Parent’s Guide to Having a Productive & Helpful Meeting at School
In This Episode: Many different types of meetings occur in the school setting. For parents, the most common are parent / teacher conferences, IEP meetings, 504 meetings, meetings to address a specific concern and/ or gather information, and so on. ..
Each school has its own culture and each district and/or school has certain protocol, policies, and procedures that they follow. Usually, these are readily available either on the website, the student handbook, calendar or request from the school. Regardless of the type of meeting that you are attending and where you are attending it at, having a few basic elements in place can make a huge difference between a productive and helpful meeting to one that is not. As a disclaimer, I worked as a teacher and a school counselor for years in a wonderful charter school so I am giving you my opinion from my limited view point. Just like with any information, take what you need of this information and leave the rest. You may not agree with what I’m saying and that is okay. My intent is to provide some tips that may help you. Sometimes meetings at school can involve some information and decisions that are heavy by nature. This can lead to a wide array of emotional responses. Here’s some tips that I believe can help meetings at your child’s school be more successful:
BE ON TIME – this starts the meeting off with respect to the importance of everyone’s time, as well as afford you and the school the time allotted to focus on how to best help your child. Tardiness or last minute reschedules can really set a tone from the start. With this said, sometimes things happen. If you are late or need to reschedule, always apologize and try your best to not let it happen again. ERR ON THE SIDE OF KINDNESS and RESPECT – You can’t go wrong with kindness and respect, even if you don’t feel like it is reciprocated. The old adage “You can get more bees with honey than vinegar” applies here. CONSIDER YOURSELF AS PART OF THE “TEAM” - Viewing yourself as part of the team that is working together to help your child can create a different energy around the entire situation. Remember, the others on the team are people too that are in the field of helping children. BRAINSTORM A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO COVER - This will help you to prepare for the meeting and increase the chances that you get your questions answered and concerns addressed. In some cases, it’s helpful to send this to the person that coordinates the meetings, such as the school counselor or the assistant, to give them time to prepare. Be sure the email is written in an information seeking way that conveys kindness and respect. It may be helpful to write it out a few days before you send it to allow yourself time to edit the content to get it just like you want it. SOMETIMES PARENTS BRING A PERSON TO THE MEETING AS PART OF THE TEAM – I’ve been in meetings with the child’s therapist, a friend of the family, a family advocate, and a handful of people that offered some other type of support in the child’s life. For this to happen, it is always best to let the school know beforehand. A letter of authorization that allows the school to discuss private matters about your child in front of the guest that you bring to the meeting will most likely be required. ALWAYS STAY PROFESSIONAL – If you feel yourself getting upset, it may be helpful to excuse yourself to the restroom to engage in some calming practices before you return. Communicating while we are emotionally flooded can cause relationship ruptures that are difficult to repair. Remember, always err on the side of kindness and respect. It is everyone’s best interest to establish and maintain a good relationship. FOLLOW-UP COMMUNICATION AFTER THE MEETING – It may be appropriate to send a thank you email to all of the participants that include a list of the key points that you took away from the meeting. This will help you to remember and have a list of important things that came up, as well as send a message to the school that you are involved and care about the situation at hand. KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD – It may be tempting to get off track, especially if you feel emotionally charged about a certain issue. Keeping your focus on your child helps keep the meeting moving in the right direction, as well as supports productivity. EDUCATE YOURSELF – It can be really helpful to learn about the process, whether it be IEP, 504, EP or another area. If you get an invitation for the meeting, look for a paper that accompies it that explains your rights and options as a parent. Beware of some of the information on the internet though, as there are some sites that depict school meetings as somewhat of a battle ground, and that is seldom the case, at least in my experience. AVOID TRASH TALKING ANYONE IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD – Sometimes, meetings are held as a response to a parent complaint. It is not helpful at all to say hurtful, degrading things about your child’s teacher in front of your child – even if you feel they are true. You can still convey that you are addressing a situation, but be sure it is done in a respectful manner. Remember, your child will need to go to class again, so it’s in their best interest for you to handle your concerns directly with the school, not in front of or through your child. KNOW WHO IS AT THE MEETING – It may be appropriate to ask who will be at the meeting. Often, introductions will occur at the beginning of the meeting to let you know who’s on the team. If you don’t recognize someone, it can be helpful to ask for a round of introductions. Some meetings are small with just the parent and the teacher, while other meetings can get quite large with several professionals i at the table such as a teacher, speech language pathologist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, resource teacher, exceptional education teacher, administration, advocate, school psychologist, staffing specialist, behavior analyst, and other such professionals depending on the needs of your child. If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to check out episode Melissa’s Mantras. It’s with a lady that I really admire, that is an integral part of school meetings, both in a professional and personal capacity. In that episode, she really offers some helpful advice.
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 24 Oct 2016 | 39: Understanding the Aftermath of Trash Talk | 00:26:20 | |
Episode 39, Understanding the Aftermath of Trash Talk
In This Episode: Let’s begin this episode with a clear understanding of what I mean when I mention “trash talk”. My definition of “trash talk” is when someone intentionally attempts to degrade someone by speaking poorly of them a manner that involves defamation, malintent, and purposeful degradation of another. This is also known as poor mouthing, vilifying (this is a stronger version of trash talking) and bad mouthing. Things can slip out of our mouths in a blink of an eye. When it is truly trash talking is when it’s done by more than one comment. I’ve heard it used in the world of sports and politics and I think it also applies in the world of parenting. In my experience, trash talking is most present in situations of divorce, but it can also be present in family members’ relationships, friendships gone poorly, other relationships with members of an organization or company, with teachers or administration at school – it can be present in so many places. It’s unhealthy and can cause lots of devastation. The bottom line is that it isn’t healthy for the person doing the trash talking, as well as their target, those watching (especially if it’s our children that are learning how to treat others in this world), and for our communities and ultimately our world as a whole. It’s just not respectful. There are healthier ways to convey dissatisfaction with another’s person’s action. When a person uses trash talking as their default, it says a lot about them and their character. The quote “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” can apply here as well. Because people that aim to hurt people, really aren’t’ in a healthy space themselves. It’s a sign that they are in need of social skills, communication skills, or perhaps just healing from their own wounds if this type of behavior was done to them and they feel entitled to do it to others. Where I’ve seen the most damage with this is in families of divorce and separation. It can leave children with wounds that are difficult to heal. Feelings of betrayal and confusion for the kids are not uncommon and can be very painful. I read a book, Divorce Poison, by William Morrow, a while back that really talked about these types of situation. Often children identify as ½ of one parent and ½ of another. When one of their parents is trash talked by the other, or by a family member, it hurts. It can feel like a personal attack. It can feel like “if my mom/dad is _____, then I must be”. This is painful for anyone, especially children because it can strike them in such an intimate part of their life. Just think, “What message am I sending my child when I speak like this?”. They don’t benefit from thinking or knowing how defective their other parent is, or whoever the trash-talk is targeted at. If you have been the victim of trash – talk, you may know the feelings of betrayal, anger, and helplessness that this can bring. So, how do you respond when someone’s trash talking you? Do you just let it happen? Do you “fight” back? Do you let it bother you? Well, unfortunately there’s no cookie cutter response. It depends... don’t you love that answer? There is always benefit to choosing kindness and respect, with wisdom, even when people are not reciprocating it to you. Taking the opportunity to return the trash talking behavior just puts you at their level. And, if your kids are watching it really normalizes this type of behavior and teaches them that trash talking is acceptable. So always run it through the respect, wisdom, and kindness filter. It is helpful though to discuss with your child, and in some cases document what’s happening, if it gets to out of hand. Know when to seek professional assistance though, whether it is a therapist to help you heal from it and what led to that point and / or an attorney if it involves parent alienation. Putting positive energy into the situation can be so very helpful. Seeking support from a therapist can help you heal from this and help you with some coping and calming skills. It’s important to mention that this podcast is not therapy, nor is it a substitute for therapy. It is also not legal advice. It is merely information meant for self –care and educational purposes only. I view trash-talking as a betrayal. It can feel like a betrayal. Actually, it is a betrayal. Betrayals leave us with our guard up, to guard against letting it happen again. Some people refer to this as “jaded” or “burned”. I offer a type of therapy at my private practice called Gottman Method Couples Therapy that helps people heal relationships, even relationships that have endured betrayals. I help people heal from betrayals that involve infidelity, finances, trash talking and more. It’s not easy, but it can be done. “An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure” definitely applies here. The healing process involves regaining TRUST. Carl Jung spoke to this I believe when he said “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 21 Nov 2016 | 43: What Parents Need to Know About Sexting | 00:51:11 | |
Tiffanie Trudeau, LMHC, LPC, CSAT, NCC is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor in the Commonwealth of Virginia and District of Columbia. She earned a Dual Bachelor's of Art degree in Psychology and Criminology and a Master’s of Art degree in Mental Health Counseling. She has advanced training in: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Sexual Assault Response, Critical Incident Stress Management Debriefing (CISM) and Sexual Addiction Therapy. In This Episode: What is “sexting”: Sexting refers to the sending and receiving of sexually charged material that may consist of words, images or both that are intended to sexually arouse and are sent via digital means.
What puts the child / teen at risk for this behavior? Curiosity Attention-seeking – separate oneself from peers Self esteem boost – to feel attractive Peer pressure – being directly or indirectly coerced Easy access and perceived privacy Modeling – celebrities in the media exposed for sexting have gained popularity “Normal” – digital flirting, displays of affection
Where is this happening? When we, as adults, think of social media, Facebook may be the first thing to come to mind. However, a 2013 study conducted by Forbes Magazine showed a 16% decrease in teen usage and engagement on FaceBook. Presumably because of the increase in parental and extended family presence. Young people are often using other social media platforms and messager apps such as:
Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr, Whatsapp, Vine, Instagram, Snaphat, Keek Kik
What are the consequences? Legal? Social? Emotional? Emotional Shame – after the text/image is sent, it cannot be retrieved. Personalizing the “bad behavior” as being a “bad person” Fear – who might see the text/image, what is their opinion of me, my text/image Anxiety – if I text this, will he/she expect me to “do” what I said (becoming sexually active) Low self-esteem/poor body image – comparisons with pornographic images or peers Depression – in the aftermath of discovery if the text/image to shared with others Social Rejection – “If I don’t send this text/picture to him/her, someone else will” Ostracized – “Everybody else is doing this, if I don’t people will think I’m a prude”, “If I send this people will think I’m a ….” Gossip – sending sexually charged images could suggest the presence of actual sexual activity, which may not be the case Legal The exchange of image-specific material intended to sexually arouse constitutes pornography, child pornography carrying the harshest of sentences Receiving, possessing and distributing child pornography can be considered a 3rd degree felony carrying sentences of up to 5 years imprisonment and up to $5,000 fine Some states have laws specific to sexting that limit harsh penalty and/or separate sexting from child pornography
How can parents respond that will help the child heal, while preserving and / or increases feelings of self-worth? Awareness - - ignorance is NOT bliss. If your child or teen is over-protective of their phone, it may be because of photos they wish to hide or websites they do not want you to know they have visited Be present and engaged. Children/teens want to connect and also fear rejection. Being on your phone or preoccupied with occupational or domestic responsibilities can make parents/caregivers seem inaccessible Listen and be prepared (emotionally and cognitively) for what might be shared. If you ask about your child/teens online behavior, be mindful of your reactions/judgments (avoid saying “what were you thinking”, “I can’t believe you did that”, “you weren’t raised that way”) Compassion and empathy. The child and teen brain is still developing, and so is their ability to reason, predict future outcomes related to their behavior and manage impulses. They are still learning. As parents and adults, our roles include reminding ourselves that they are not merely little adults. How can parents educate and encourage their child / teen to make different/safer choices in the future? Open and regular communication regarding decision-making and safe online behavior (includes sexting and cyber-bullying). Once a message/image is sent it cannot be taken back and privacy cannot be guaranteed once the text/image is received by someone else Process parental fears, beliefs and biases regarding sexual behavior to reduce reactivity Practice empathy and approach child/teen with friendly curiosity when risky online sexual behavior is discovered. Being mindful of the difference between punitive consequences and setting boundaries, personal responsibility and encouraging self-monitoring (consider if this text/photo was published in the yearbook, on FaceBook, sent to grandma) For more information on Tiffanie Trudeau, visit www.TheCounselingAlliance.com or www.CounselingAlly.wordpress.com
Resources: If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to join us on Facebook in our group Parenting in the Rain Community and like our page Parenting in the Rain Podcast, Hosted by Jackie Flynn
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com | |||
| 27 Apr 2017 | 54: Eating Disorder Recovery through Group Therapy Lucy Lauer, LMHC | 00:43:32 | |
Lucy Lauer, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with 26 years’ experience as a Registered Dietitian. She specializes in helping people navigate the rough waters of disordered eating to achieve a healthier life and relationship with food. She has experience with Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, Nocturnal Eating Disorder, and the range of dysfunctional eating patterns that cause distress but may not have a diagnostic label.
In 35 years of practice, Lucy has treated disordered eating from both a nutritional and psychological perspective. She has presented workshops at the local, state and national level on many aspects of disordered eating for psychologists and counselors, physicians, dietitians, parents and teachers. She established and facilitated the Space Coast Eating Disorders Professional Consortium from 2009-2011, and supervises Florida Tech Psychology students in a special practicum focused on Eating Disorder treatment.
She participates regularly in continuing education programs and has had over 60 hours of specialized training in ED treatment in the last 3 years alone. Specific topics have included ACT and other evidence-based interventions, medical complications, trauma impact, co-occurring disorders (substance abuse, self-injury, etc), assessment for appropriate level of care, body image, art and other expressive therapies, and using a team approach to treatment. She has also been invited to site visits at residential treatment centers in South Florida and Colorado.
What are the various types of eating disorders? Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder
Since eating disorders have a direct impact on physical health as well, tell us a bit about the team approach to treatment when collaborating with Registered Nutritionists, Physicians, etc... The gold standard of ED treatment involves a team of clinicians working together. The team consists of a mental health counselor or psychologist, Registered Dietitian (RD), primary care physician, and if needed, a psychiatrist. In an out-patient setting, it is usually the mental health clinician who coordinates care by communicating with other team members re. treatment goals, progress toward goals, and psychoeducation, as needed. The RD monitors weight, food intake and specific food-related issues and may also help set exercise goals. Medical parameters such as labs, EKGs and bone-density are ordered by the PCP and shared with other team members as markers for progress. When all team members are not under the same roof (which is usually the case), communication is done through phone calls, written assessments and updates and occasionally, face-to-face team meetings. If the client is a minor, the parents are also part of the team and are included in treatment planning, progress updates and psychoeducation so they can more effectively support their child’s recovery.
Many people with an eating disorder have a fear of recovery. Talk a bit about this and how a clinician can work with someone resistant about recovering from their eating disorder. An eating disorder is experienced as a life-raft in the rough sea of uncertainty that is a normal part of life. Despite the fact that eating disorders are deadly and create enormous physical and psychological pain, they also serve important functions such as protection from intrusion, a sense of control when life feels chaotic, a way to make complex issues seem more manageable and many others. In order to help a person let go of this safety net, the clinician has to help them: 1) recognize the costs to other valued parts of their lives such as relationships, energy & concentration for other persuits; 2) Identify the functions of the ED and Develop other ways to address those. This often requires practicing acceptance of the inherent uncertainty of life, imperfection of themselves and others, and the messiness of living in a human body with all of its flaws and limitations. Sometimes, cognitive growth and recovery cannot take place until weight and nutritional balance is restored and this takes education, support, encouragement and a leap of faith on the part of the client.
I know you facilitate a wonderful group for people with an eating disorder. Tell us a bit about that group and how it's different from individual therapy? Our 8-week eating disorder therapy group employs a combination of mindfulness practice, self-compassion and some elements of ACT (acceptance & Commitment Therapy), which helps people identify personal values that the ED has robbed them of. There is a lot of discussion about perfectionism, fear of failure, body hatred, habitual responses to difficult emotions and practice slowing down and experimenting with alternative perspectives and behaviors. Much of the benefit from the group comes from the common experiences of the members who usually feel alien and outside of “normal” human connections. ED is a very isolating illness and it is progressive, so over the years, people feel more and more alone and ashamed of the disorder in addition to all the other things about themselves they already hate.
Where can clinicians go for more information, trainings, certifications, etc... My favorite resources are programs presented by The Renfrew Center & the Eating Recover Center, both of which have residential treatment facilities in several US cities and do a lot of research, outreach and education. There are some very useful websites with loads of info, too. I’ve attached a list of resources we turn to on a regular basis. Our website and Facebook page also have regular posts about ED and other psychological and mental health issues. Our website is www.BeWellCounseling.net; our FB page is Beachside Counseling & Wellness on Facebook.
Recommended ED Self-help books
Cruze, Robyn & Andrus, Espra, LCSW (2013). Making Peace with Your Plate: Eating disorder recovery. Central Recovery Press. Kelly, Joe (2003). Dads and Daughters: How to inspire, understand, and support your daughter when she's growing up so fast. Lock, James, MD, PhD. & Le Grange, Daniel, PhD (2005). Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder. The Guilford Press. Maine, Margo, & Kelly, Joe (2005). The Body Myth: Adult women and the pressure to be perfect. John Wiley and Sons, Inc. Roth, Geneen (2010). Women, Food and God. New York: Scribner. Tribole, E. and Resch, E. (2003). Intuitive Eating. New York: Saint Martins Press. Johnston, Anita (1996). Eating in the Light of the Moon: How women can transform their relationships with food through myths, metaphors and storytelling. Carlsbad, CA: Gurze Books. Schaefer, Jenni (2004). Life Without Ed: How one woman declared independence from her eating disorder and how you can, too. New York: McGraw-Hill. Siegel, M., Brisman, J., and Weinshel, M. (1995). Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Families and Friends. New York: Saint Martins Press. Waterhouse, D. (1997). Like Mother, Like Daughter: How women are influenced by their mothers’ relationship with food, and how to break the pattern. New York: Hyperion. Sandoz, Emily and DuFrene, Troy (2013). Living With Your Body & Other Things You Hate: How to let go of your struggle with body image using acceptance & commitment therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Books.
Eating Disorder Resources
ANAD-National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders. www.anad.org ANAD Helpline: 630-577-1330
Websites & Blogs: Website launched by a patient in recovery from Bulimia: www.letterstomybody.com
Blog encouraging a non-diet approach to healthy eating: www.dietsurvivorsgroup.blogspot.com Website/program to improve body image on college campuses: www.bQdyimageprogram.org
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| 23 Nov 2017 | 65: Gottman’s Sound Relationship House with Jackie Flynn, Trained in Level 3 Gottman Method Couples Therapy | 00:32:43 | |
Build Love Maps Knowing each other’s world is so vital to the health of a relationship. It’s important to make exploration of each other’s world an ongoing effort. This can help strengthen the relationship and help each person in the relationship to feel felt and cared about. Share Fondness and Admiration Fondness and admiration is noticing what’s going right and what’s good rather than putting a focus on the negative. If couples are in “Negative Sentiment Override” as Gottman calls them.
Turn Towards Turning towards your partner, both literally and figuratively is important as it sends a message that “you matter”, “I care”, “you’re important to me”. Gottman uses the metaphor of a RELATIONSHIP BANK ACCOUNT to illustrate the need for 5 times as many positives to every one negative in a relationship. Turning towards and accepting “bids for connection”, such as holding hands, inviting on an outing, snuggling, etc. is important to build the relationship bank account up so that when there are negatives, it doesn’t go into a negative balance.
The Positive Perspective The positive perspective focuses on friendships. When couples engage in a strong friendship, then they can weather the storms better. They have a stronger tolerance for difficult circumstances. Manage Conflict Sixty nine percent of the conflict in a relationship is perpetual, which means it doesn’t have a clear resolution. Often couples need to move towards compromising on issues. It’s important that couples learn how to use soft startup and avoid the 4 patterns of communications that can eat away at a relationship: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling. Gottman refers to these as the 4 Horsemen. Make Life Dreams Come True Having fun, adventures and dreams together, as well as honoring each other’s dreams is so vital towards the health of a relationship. Couples that laugh and have fun together often have a much healthier relationship.
Create Shared Meaning Together, couples build a shared culture that incorporates what each of them knew to be true in their formative years, as well as new things that they do together in their own relationship and their own family. Also, what legacy they want to leave in the world together is explored.
Trust and Commitment Trust & Commitment are the walls of the sound relationship house. If these walls are weakened in any way, the entire house could be at risk from falling. Through repair work, couples can repair ruptures and move towards healed trust and commitment that can weather the storms of a relationship.
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| 25 Aug 2020 | 73: Helping Children with Autism and other Social Communication Challenges | 00:56:05 | |
In this episode, Sarah Wayland shares with us a bit about the developing brain and the differing aspects of those with an autism spectrum disorder. She shares personal stories about the importance of the child relationship and how fluctuations in the parents’ emotional regulation can effect the child. Sarah discusses how children with an autism spectrum disorder often struggle with social situations and how we can support them through parent consultation and working directly with the child themselves. Sarah Wayland is a certified RDI™ Consultant, parent coach, and Special Needs Care Navigator at the company she founded, Guiding Exceptional Parents. She helps parents of children with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, and other brain-based differences learn how to confidently and effectively help their children at home, at school, and in the community. As an RDI™ consultant, Dr. Wayland works with parents of kids who have trouble connecting with others to show them how to teach their children the essential skills that make relationships work. By learning about everyone in the family and collaborating with them, she helps families develop customized strategies that work. Dr. Wayland got her B.A. from Rice University, her Ph.D. in Cognitive Psychology from Brandeis University, and had two postdoctoral fellowships - one at Northeastern University and another at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. She has worked as a software designer, and as a researcher, but her most valuable training came from parenting her two boys, both exceptional. You can learn more at www.guidingexceptionalparents.com. | |||
| 22 Jul 2016 | 30: Knowing the Difference Between a Tantrum & Meltdown and How to Respond to Both | 00:24:54 | |
Episode 30, Knowing the Difference Between a Tantrum and a Meltdown and How to Respond to Both
In This Episode: Tantrums A tantrum and a meltdown are different. It’s important to differentiate between the two as it helps guide a helpful response by the parent. Knowing that tantrums are a result of the child trying to get something and meltdowns are a reaction to sensory overstimulation. A tantrum is based in an attempt for the person (usually a child, but not always!) to get something they want. It is behavioral based and some suggest that impulsivity can play a key role in their occurrence. A child may have a tantrum if he wants a toy at the story, but is told no. The tantrum is in an effort (may be conscious or unconscious) to get the toy. It doesn’t need to be based in a desire to attain tangible things though. A child can also feel intense emotions that lead to a tantrum over issues such as attention, activities, and such. It usually involves yelling, crying, kicking and screaming, which may look a lot like a meltdown to the untrained eye. The child usually can control a tantrum, but may have limitations due to emotional flooding. Tantrums are apt to stop when gets what he / she either gets what he / she wants or if he /she realizes that the tantrum is ineffective unlikely to produce the desired effect. Characteristics of a Meltdown A meltdown is a reaction to feeling overwhelmed, usually due to sensory overload (too much sensory information at once to process). It looks a lot like a tantrum, with the exception of some body signals such as holding ears, not stopping for communication, etc. The commotion of a supermarket may trigger a sensory meltdown. The brain goes into overload and fight, flight or freeze response seems to set in. For some, it can be a response to having a lot of things going on internally at one time, such as stress, worry, etc. It’s important to mention that a tantrum lead to a meltdown due to the intensity. Be sure to check out episode 23 on Sensory Processing Disorder to learn more. http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/23-practical-understanding-of-sensory-processing-disorder/ A child will often stop a tantrum if she attains what she wants such as a candy bar, toy, activity, attention, etc. Or if she’s rewarded for using a more desirable behavior such as using her words to ask, being kind or whatever fits the situation. It’s important to resist the urge to give the child what she wants as reinforcement, as it will cause more and more tantrums in the future. It’s a great teachable opportunity to teach your child that outbursts aren’t the way to get things she wants in life. These lessons will serve her well through the years. Now a meltdown is different. A meltdown isn’t likely to stop when a child gets what she wants. In fact, it may just be a matter of changing the sensory input that the child is receiving. This happens a lot with kids with Sensory processing disorder. Once the child leaves the overstimulating environment, she may start to feel calmer. So how can you handle tantrums and meltdowns differently? For tantrums, it’s important to recognize acknowledge what your child wants without giving in as reinforcement. Make it clear that you understand what she’s after. “I realize that you’d like a candy bar. Now isn’t a time that we eat candy though. You can have an apple or another snack when we get in the car though.” Then help her see there’s a more appropriate behavior that will work. “When you choose to speak calmly and respectfully, you may share with me what you choose.” To de-escalate a meltdown, help your child find a safe, quiet place to calm. “We’re going to go out to the car now. It’s quiet there and I can turn on the air conditioning so that we are both cool and comfortable.” Resist the urge to lecture or talk too much though, as that can be over stimulating in and of itself though. It’s super helpful to identify and name the emotion that your child is feeling. It builds their emotional literacy and also helps them to have language to express something that is happening in the body, as well as helping their brain to self-regulate the intensity of the emotion. It’s important to know the difference between tantrums and meltdowns, as your response is a key factor in getting through it and attaining calm again. Happy parenting!! ☺ Subscribe to “Parenting in the Rain” podcast on iTunes, if you haven’t already. Also, join us in our FB Community at https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 09 May 2017 | 55: Suicide Assessments & Interventions | 00:36:08 | |
My guest today is Dr. Jonathan Singer, Ph. D., LCSW, who is an expert in the area of suicide. He is an Associate Professor of Social Work at Loyola University in Chicago and the founder and host of The Social Work podcast. He co-authored the book, Suicide in Schools. This episode focuses on suicide assessments and interventions and is the first of a two-part series.
Resources: Find Jackie and the Play Therapy Community on Facebook: Look for Play Therapy Community or Jackie Flynn Play Therapy Community. Find Jackie on Twitter @jackieflynnrpt Suicide in Schools by Dr. Jonathan Singer Join the Play Therapy Community Mastermind group - www.playtherapycommunity.com/mastermind
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| 18 Feb 2016 | 08: The Art of Truly Connecting with our Kiddos through Active Listening | 00:26:01 | |
The guest expert for this show is Susan Blakeslee, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Clinical Supervisor, and Professional Artist. Active listening is paying attention with your MIND, BODY, and SOUL. Understanding what is behind the words is an important focus of active listening. The person being listened to feels validated in this kind of listening, which encourages people to be more open. This can result in the sharing of more information. When someone is feeling a certain emotion, instead of telling them that they shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, simply reflect their feeling by saying things like “you feel sad” or “you’re excited”. Sometimes children think things are their fault which can lead to painful, guilt. Listening actively can alert parents to this and help them to respond in a way that is helpful for the child.
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| 14 Nov 2016 | 42: When a Child is Shamed | 00:25:09 | |
Episode 42, When a Child is Shamed
In This Episode: It’s important to understand what shame is and what isn’t Shaming is when someone induces humiliation, embarrassment, and a feeling of guilt, regret, or deep sadness on another person. Shaming is not motivating, although that is a common misconception. Sometimes people think “if they feel really bad about what they did, then they won’t do it again.” But it doesn’t work like that. It is in essence a trauma that can cause long term maladaptive behaviors. Many people that struggle with addiction, relationship issues, and other tough life struggles often have shame in their past. My friend and podcasting colleague, Robert Cox has a really good podcast episode on this his podcast, Mindful Recovery. GUILT AND SHAME RIDDING THE SOUL OF TOXICITY The link http://mindfulrecoverypodcast.libsyn.com/guit-and-shame-ridding-the-soul-of-toxicity Making mistakes is actually a healthy part of child development. Allowing your child to make and learn from mistakes while the price tags are small is a huge gift to your child. Life experience is the best teacher. It’s so much more effective than lectures, put downs, shaming, or “I told you so’s”. Empathy, clear expectations and logical choices are much more effective in helping your child grow into a self-confident, responsible, ambitious individual that enjoys life. Ongoing culture of shame decreases the quality of life for the entire family. The trauma of shaming can be substantial, but if it’s an ongoing form of discipline, it can be devastating and often unbearable. Shame undoubtedly damages the parent child relationship. It simply can’t be unfelt. I just recently watched THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. I love that movie! My daughter is a huge John Green fan. She’s read all of his books. In that movie, one of the actors says “PAIN DEMANDS TO BE FELT”. This is so very true. It can establish a dysfunctional cycle that can lead to generations of pain and dysfunction. If you tempted to shame your child, check in with what may be going on for you. Was this something that you experienced as a child? Is part of your heart hurting or could you use some healing? I’ve seen great healing occur through therapy as well as work with one’s inner child. It’s important to realize that blame, whether on self or others, isn’t on the healthy road to healing. But, rather a focus on “I need to put on my own oxygen mask...” is much healthier for everyone. Shame can cut deep. Each person is so unique, so everyone has a different experience. What is common though is that it hurts in a way that words can’t accurately describe. I really feel like part of the soul withers with shaming. For people of all ages, it erodes feeling of self-worth and self-esteem. Ultimately, shame establishes a dysfunctional perception of a healthy relationship. When children grow up they often, but not always, use their formative childhood years as a blueprint of how life “should”be. If that “should” is maladaptive, it can be a long, hard road for them filled with heartache and pain. I’ve noticed that causes people to put up emotional walls to keep themselves safe. It is ultimately a type of emotional abuse, especially if it is ongoing. It limits our children’s vulnerability, which limits their options in life with relationships, careers, dreams and so much more. Shame manifests itself in the body. Shame fragments itself in the body in messy, infiltrating way that can take years of work to heal from. Engrains negative cognitions in the brain such as i am not worthy, i can’t do anything right, i’m a jerk, i’m defective, i’m a bad person and such “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Really does have some merit. Fixing the effects of shaming is much more difficult than preventing it. The quote “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” is a quote worth considering in this discussion of shaming. When someone is deeply hurt, they often hurt others from their pain. Looking at it from a child’s perspective, shaming, whether they are the target or someone that they love and identify with is, they may be tempted to transfer that pain. Sometimes that can look like depression, anxiety, bully type behavior, aggression and much more. For parents that default to shaming, give yourself permission to learn a new approach. Maya Angelou says when people know better, they do better. This is so true. If you are prone to shaming, it’s important to reflect on what messages you were sent as a child. Ask yourself, “is this helping or hurting my child?”.
A more effective way is to use empathy to connect with your child. I love the ACT Limit Setting model (Acknowledge the Feeling, Communicate the Alternative, and Target the Alternative) that is described in Child Parent Relationship Therapy. If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to check out episode 22 http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/22-all-about-child-parent-relationship-therapy-with-dalena-dillman-taylor/
There’s so many better ways to discipline than shaming. I love LOVE and Logic, Child Parent Relationship Therapy, a 10 Session Model, and 123 Magic are some much better options. I have all of these linked in the show notes. If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to join us on Facebook in our group Parenting in the Rain Community and like our page Parenting in the Rain Podcast, Hosted by Jackie Flynn
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
Below Are Some Sites, Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love My Parent Coaching Program - https://jackieflynnconsulting.simplero.com/products/52176-Parent-Coaching-Program
Labyrinths 20% off for calming, focus and connectedness. http://www.relax4life.com/JF.html | |||
| 14 Apr 2017 | 52: Supporting Grieving Children and Families at the Dougy Center with Jana Cristofaro | 00:21:51 | |
Episode 52 – Supporting Grieving Children and Families at the Dougy Center
In this episode: Jana Cristofaro covers the following:
For her Free Download: Tips for Supporting Grieving Children click on the following: https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 14 Apr 2017 | 51: Introduction to Play Therapy Community Podcast and Host | 00:12:15 | |
Episode 51: Introduction to Play Therapy Community Podcast and Host, Jackie Flynn EdS, LMHC, RPT Thank you so much for listening to the podcast! This episode was previously known as Parenting in the Rain Podcast. I created this community as a space for us (Child Therapists!) to connect with other and learn together. If you’re anything like me, you like the idea of having tons of information at your fingertips so that you can provide the best therapy possible for your clients. I have a Private Practice in Central Florida, with a fully stocked Play Therapy Room and Expressive Arts Therapy Studio. I love being a private practitioner and entrepreneur, taking risks, and daring to dream BIG! And, I LOVE Play Therapy!!! Helping people through the healing Power of Play. In the beginning, I remember surfing the web for hours and hours trying to get ideas. Now, we don’t have to do it alone…we have this podcast and connection to each other where we can find out about all of the other wonderful play therapy related resources that are available to us out there! I LOVE the thought of being part of a community with like-minded individuals. In my work at my private practice, I am passionate about helping children, adolescents, parents, couples, and families through Play Therapy, EMDR, Sandtray Therapy, Gottman Method Couples Counseling, Hypnotherapy, Education Consultation, Mindfulness, and Art Therapy. Probably much like you, I’ve spent years and years going to school, training, conferences, reading books, listening to podcasts, networking, reading blogs, and more to be the effective and passionate therapist that I am today. We all have so much info to share… and the thought of creating a SYNERGYSTIC community of amazingly ambitious, child therapists like you makes me so happy, I can hardly stand it!!! Personal and professional growth is ALWAYS at the forefront of my consciousness. And, I LOVE the world of BUSINESS and THERAPY combined. The online business world is packed with so many opportunities for growth – and I LOVE it! I love helping people in a big way, and online that is possible! You may have listened to my podcast, Parenting in the Rain or attended some of my Webinars. I’d love to stay in touch with you through our newsletter. If you’d like that too, just let me know where to send it by entering your info below. You’ll get a video of my top 3 most used miniatures as my way of welcoming you to Play Therapy Community’s newsletter.
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| 16 Nov 2017 | 64: Brief, Low Cost, Minimal Prep Play Therapy Techniques with Jackie Flynn EdS, LMHC, RPT | 00:27:41 | |
Double Mirror Doodle
What Happened Next
Tumbling Blocks Conversation Prompts
Pick-Up Straws
Career Charades
Career Creation Through clay creations, the child or teen will mold the dough or clay to form a symbolic representation of the career. For example, they may create a toothbrush for a dentist. This can be modified to fit the topic of the area in need of supporting, such as emotional literacy and expression, family system support, and much more.
Social / Emotional/Friendship Thumballs
Fishing for Solutions
Mandalas
Bibliotherapy Therapeutic Books with Activities to Address Various Issues
Positive Belief "I am..." Activity In this activity, the child “ranks” each statement depending on feelings of accuracy. Statements can be adapted to individual / group. The final rank of statements could then be discussed for self-awareness and a starting point for self-image concerns
Self-Talk Thought Bubble
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| 12 Oct 2016 | 37: Parenting in the Hurricane | 00:19:35 | |
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” Anonymous This week’s episode is all about our experience with Hurricane Matthew in Florida. I invited my daughter Angel on the show to share her experience with it all as well. We discuss what it was like to prepare for it, leave our home, arrive at a nearby safe place, worry about friends and family, wonder if we would have a home to come home to, and our delight in the fact that damage was minimal and our community survived. We also discuss what it was like to look at footage of the damage that Hurricane Matthew had in other places such as Haiti, Jacksonville, St. Augustine and more. During our evacuation, we stayed at a hotel that accepted pets. It was quite the experience. The people at the hotel were super kind. We did witness a few people showing symptoms of stress and low tolerance, but overall people were overwhelmingly positive. My husband was at work the entire time, so it was just me, Tommy and Angel, and Max our dog. Our car was packed with stuff that we considered valuable. Unfortunately, right after we returned home, I checked my email and discovered that someone had made 2 fraudulent charges on my card for apple watches. I received 2 “thank you for your purchase” emails! Needless to say, this increased the stress level. Damage was minimal with that as well. It makes me think of that movie, Identity Thief with Melissa McCarthy. That movie is so good. It’s not rated for kids, but it is funny and parts of it seem educational as it can give a glimpse into the world of credit card fraud. We were so fortunate to see that we only had a fence panel blown over, but some of our friends weren’t so lucky. Lots of people lost power through it all. Luckily we didn’t, but my cousin Connie and her family did. Florida Power and Light has been working tirelessly through it all. Also, power trucks from all around has come to our community to help out. I heard that they made a tent city while they worked in shifts. It just makes my heart smile thinking about how people work together in a time of crisis. When times are hard, sometimes it can bring out the best in people. We are immensely grateful. Now that it is over, we are getting back to normal. I’ve been putting things back on the walls and bookshelves at my private practice and the kids return back to school today. They’ve had 3 days off because of Hurricane Matthew. The Parenting Skill’s Summit! “I am so excited to finally shout from the rooftops that you can now register for the upcoming summit: The World's Best Parenting Summit!! We have some amazingly dynamic parenting experts who will be giving more of the awesome support you need to be the most rocking parent you can be! This time around the focus is on finding your tribe, rocking your parenting, and raising healthy kids! We'll be talking about so many amazing topics, including how to raise healthy boys, how to encourage your young athlete, how to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life, move towards more authentic parenting, how to talk about sex with your child (for all ages), and so much more! Check out the details here to register: http://bit.ly/WBPS2016 to sign up and get ready for the summit - which launched October 10th! Feel free to share and let each and every parent you know in on this amazing FREE event!!”
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
Below Are Some Sites, Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love Labyrinths 20% off for calming, focus and connectedness. http://www.relax4life.com/JF.html https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 01 Mar 2023 | 103. Dissociation in Kids | 00:31:13 | |
This episode is with Annie Monaco, Ann Beckley-Forest, Fran Waters and Mark Nickerson! They are providing a training "Recognizing & Treating Youth with Dissociation" – 6 CEUs per day for March 10 - 12, 2023. For the Early Bird Discount, regiser by Sunday, March 5, 2023.
Register at emdradvancedtrainings.co https://emdradvancedtrainings.com/product/recognizing-treating-youth-with-dissociation/ playfulemdr.com playtherapycommunity.com
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| 30 Jul 2016 | 31: Recognizing and Healing From Emotional Abuse | 00:58:10 | |
In This Episode: Today we’re talking about emotional abuse. Through my work, I help clients heal from this and move past the wounds that it can leave. It can be a trauma. Unfortunately, emotional abuse can take a huge toll on one’s self-confidence and self-esteem levels. Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can have people questioning their life choices and own self-worth. Today’s show is focused on helping parents recognize the signs of this problematic area of emotional abuse and choose better, healthier ways of interacting with each other (whether together or separated) and their children. Now, let’s talk about what emotional abuse actually is... Emotional abuse is different from physical abuse which is really marked by explosive outbursts and physical harm. Emotional abuse can be more deceptive and subtle. While it doesn’t leave physical marks, it can sure leave emotional scars that go deep. In some cases, many people aren’t even aware that it is happening. You can’t see it like a bruise or a cut, but you can feel it. And, others around can feel it too. It can really rock people’s world. For parents, it can lead to divorce, separation, physical violence and much more. For kids... it seems like they have the most difficult situation of all. They can’t just divorce or leave. They are stuck. They may choose to cut off the relationship at first opportunity though. But, often families in these situations, just notice that their quality of life is poor at best and they often feel the painful stings of the cut downs, humiliations, control, and such. It really involves a regular pattern of verbal attack, threatening, humiliation (social or within the family, or both), control, bullying, threats, inducing fear, and perpetual criticism. Also, more subtle tactics like intimidation, control attempts, humiliation, shaming and manipulation. They may accuse their target of being “overly sensitive” to avert the reality of their abusive remarks. In these cases, respect, empathy and compassion are either low or non-existent. Many times the abuser will share personal information in a chastening way in an attempt to degrade and demean their target. Often there’s teasing, put downs and a disregard for their targets accomplishments, hopes and dreams. The purpose of emotional abuse is to control and overpower the other person. The abuser may not even realize that they are doing it. It most often is the result of their own painful experience from childhood wounds and insecurities that come with that. Emotionally healthy people treat others with respect, kindness, and compassion. Often, in emotionally abusive situations, the abuser may have been abused themselves leaving them with a feeling of “this is normal” or “this is acceptable”. They may even feel like a victim themselves, giving them the illusion of justification for their actions. In fact, they may deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted and accuse their target of being the cause of their behavior. For parents, they often look back on how they were raised and use that as a blueprint on how to raise their own children -“this is how I was raised and I turned out fine.” When in reality they didn’t turn out fine or they wouldn’t be acting the way they do. They may feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless themselves, so their instinct is to gain control over someone else that they can feel dominant over. Therapy can help. It’s important to know that emotional abuse can occur in any relationship — between parent and child, in friendships, families, and marital relationships. This can happen slowly in relationships. The long term effects can be huge. In kids, it can affect their life choices and put them more at risk for mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, and in some cases even post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. It really taxes on the feelings of self worth, especially if they were verbally abused as a child. Also, if a child witnesses emotional abuse of a parent, their perception of what a healthy relationship is and what it isn’t can be skewed from reality. Today, Laura Reagan is on the podcast to share a bit of her professional experience with helping people heal from emotional abuse. Laura is a colluegue in the podcast world. I love podcasts! She’s the host of therapy chat podcast and she is also a licensed clinical social worker in Baltimore with a private psychotherapy practice. I love learning from her. She specializes in trauma. In this episode, you’ll here her talk about her work. She has a free e-book, Parenting after Trauma, for you as well. www.jackieflynnconsulting.com/parentingaftertrauma
Subscribe to “Parenting in the Rain” podcast on iTunes, if you haven’t already. Also, join us in our FB Community at https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 16 Mar 2017 | 47: Understanding How Art Helps Children with Confidence, Calm, and Connection | 00:24:46 | |
As a Play Therapist, I love using art with my clients! Art engages more of the brain in the healing process. But what about home? Is it important to have our materials and home? They can get messy look a little bit cluttered, be expensive sometimes, and take some time to delve into. Is it worth it? The answer is yes! Art helps children in so many ways.Art projects can definitely help with confidence. Especially, if children are struggling in other areas. When children make something that they feel good about, that makes him feel proud of themselves, they perceive themselves as competent and capable of performing work that is really good. This self-perception often generalizes into other areas of their life. On surface level, one might think what’s sure they can paint a tree on a canvas, but that doesn’t mean that they can rock at math. And, to some extent that is correct. But, if gives them the confidence to try things that are very difficult and helps them to feel capable, they may have the courage to do math problems, they previously would’ve just shut down on…or whatever it is that the struggles with. Art projects can also help children with emotional self-regulation. Artwork helps a right and the left hemisphere of the brain to synchronize which engages a calming effect. Many times, in session I will have my clients use the right in their left-hand at the same time which can enhance this effect. We do activities such as double mirror doodle, or art in the sand tray by moving both hands, design figures with the clay with both hands, and other things that just engage both hands, etc. I also love mandalas! mandalas or circle designs can either be symmetrical or any random design. I use these in individual, group and family sessions. There’s so many varieties think that you can do with Art.Art projects can also help with connection on many different levels. Engaging in creativity can help us connect with our inner self as well, as express what’s going on to others that can be so connecting. It can be so very healing. A picture is definitely worth I thousand words… and then some. I love using art therapy with blended families and adoptive families as it can truly that can strengthen the family system. Art surpasses the limitation of words for sure!Sometimes, families will have an art cabinet or an art shelf where they random art supplies. For my families that I work with that do this, many of the kids comment how doing art work is one of their favorite things to do as a family. Sometimes in our family sessions where we’ll do a family coat of armor and have them identify their family strengths, or I’ll have them created habitat of a an animal in the future including all of the things that he needs to survive. They can be fun, telling of their situation, and also very healing and connecting, especially in high conflict situations. When parents ask me what they need to buy for their ourselves, I usually put it back on them. What do you think YOU might need for your shelf? Because something that I recommend make totally be a turn off to them! For example I absolutely love, love, love, love, love, LOVE glitter. But, a bottle of glitter around a 5-year-old can send some people into tizzy. Gathering supplies for an art supply is an individual process for sure. You can find many low cost items at the local department store, but many things in nature are very useful as well. I love to bring in palm fronds for my clients to paint on and Angel and I have painted about a gazillion of them over years. We love using stick and leaves too. We live in Florida, so many times people around the neighborhood well trim the palm tree and put the palm fronds on the side of the road. Then, when we are walking our dog Max full pick up a really good friend. Remember too, art in this context is expressive, so isn’t confined to paint, paper, colored pencils etc. Art can be building a sand castle at the beach, it could be writing a plan together, it could be singing a song and expressing it with a dance, etc. As a play therapist, I love using the sand tray. If you haven’t heard the episode 44 with Tammy van Hollander yet, it is so worth listening to. Putting little figurines, a.k.a. miniatures in the sand, can be very healing and extremely connecting. Also, I love to use rocks! All kinds of rocks I like to paint on rocks write on rocks use the rocks in the sand tray, incorporate rocks and are in mindfulness altogether… The possibilities are absolutely limitless In the show notes I have provided several links to art sites that can give you inspiration.
For Therapists – Join Play Therapy Community ™ with Jackie to learn more... Launching Soon!
http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic http://counselinginbrevard.com/art-therapy/
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 20 Sep 2022 | 94. Every Memory Deserves Respect | 00:49:20 | |
Today I'm so excited to share my conversation with Debbie Korn, Michael Baldwin, and Rotam Brayer with you. If you'd like to learn more about Michael and Debbie's book, you can go to https://www.everymemorydeservesrespect.com/, and there's a free preview for you to read on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Every-Memory-Deserves-Respect-Therapy/dp/1523511427
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| 12 May 2016 | 20: Melissa's Mantras for Nurturing Responsibility, Independence and Confidence in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder | 00:40:02 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 20 Melissa’s Mantras: for Nurturing Responsibility, Independence, and Confidence in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder In This Episode:Melissa Braun, Ed.S is a loving parent, an educator, a school staffing specialist and a person passionate about advocating for kids. Melissa shares her 5 mantras below.
Melissa points out the power of the word “yet”. She points out that we need to focus on what they can do and what supports and services they need to be successful.
Melissa emphasizes that we need to advocate for what we want our child to become. This helps them to become a self-advocate as they grow and develop as well.
With so many people on teams for children with special needs, there is likely going to be disagreements and conflicts along the way. Expect conflict and know that conflict is because people care about your child’s success and may have different viewpoints on help. Don’t avoid conflict, but keep talking and keep listening. Melissa asks herself “What did their heart mean?” when she hears things from others in the team that sometimes feels upsetting.
Let your children do what they can do for themselves. Empower them to be as independent as possible. This may require more time and support, but allowing your child the opportunities to make mistakes and gain skills helps support self-efficacy.
Be gentle on yourself. Don’t expect perfection. Recognize your humanness. “Some days are more successful than others.”
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| 24 Mar 2016 | 13: Nurturing Emotionally Healthy Kids through Play with Debra Wessleman, MS, LIMHP | 00:46:16 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 13 Nurturing Emotionally Healthy Kids through Play with Debra Wessleman, MS, LIMHP In This Episode: Debra Wesselmann, the author of Integrative Parenting: Strategies for Raising Children Affected by Attachment Trauma, gives us 6 tips to help nurture our children’s emotional health through play.
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| 04 Aug 2020 | 70: Understanding the Aftermath of Shame | 00:52:14 | |
In this episode, Sandra explains how shame impacts a child’s development. She offers some tips to process through shame as well as presents a technique that therapists can use to support their clients through the healing process. Sandra B. Stanford, LMHC, has a heart for people who find themselves in hard situations. Because of this passion, she earned her Master’s Degree in Psychological Counseling from Palm Beach Atlantic University (Orlando campus). She currently is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor practicing at Charis Counseling Center in Titusville, FL. Sandra is certified in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which helps in the healing process for people who have experienced traumatic events. She is a Daring Way Facilitator in Brene Brown’s organization which focuses on “I am enough…now! Sandra also works with couples and is the founder of Our Marriage Matters retreats and conferences. Sandra received her BS in Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University (Palm Beach campus) in 1986. She and her wonderful husband, David, have been married since 1988. They have two precious adult children, Jonathan and Anna Beth and a son in love, Christopher, new grandson Ashton and 2 Airedale grand-dogs named Sherlock and Weta. Sandra B. Stanford, MS, LMHC MH13286 EMDR CERTIFIED THERAPIST Certified Daring Way ™ Facilitator Founder Our Marriage Matters Retreats/Workshops https://sandrabstanfordcounseling.com/ | |||
| 31 Mar 2016 | 14: Meeting My Sister, Melissa | 00:12:40 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 14 Meeting My Sister, Melissa: A Story of Love, Adoption, and Connection In This Episode:
Resources (Some of These Resources Are Affiliate Links) | |||
| 25 Feb 2016 | 09: Helping Picky Eaters Try New and Healthy Foods | 00:19:04 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 9 Helping Picky Eaters Try New, Healthy Foods with Jill Castle In This Episode:
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| 26 May 2016 | 22: All About Child Parent Relationship Therapy | 00:30:43 | |
Dalena Dillman Taylor, PhD, LPC, RPT, is an assistant professor at the University of Central Florida, past president of the North Texas Association for Play Therapy (2013–2014), and the play therapy certificate coordinator at UCF. Dr. Dillman Taylor graduated from the University of North Texas with doctorate of philosophy in counseling, with a specialty in play therapy in 2013. Dr. Dillman Taylor is a trained Adlerian play therapist and focuses her research on the effectiveness of Adlerian play therapy with children and adolescents who demonstrate disruptive behaviors or academic difficulties in the classroom and at home. In This Episode:
“Be a thermostat, not a thermometer! Learn to RESPOND (reflect) rather than REACT. The child’s feelings are not your feelings and needn’t escalate with him/her.” “What’s most important may not be what you do, but what you do after what you did! We are certain to make mistakes, but we can recover. It is how we handle our mistakes that make the difference. “
ResourcesMindfulness, Brain Hand Model by Dr. Dan Siegel’s Video CPRT Training in June 2016 with Dr. Taylor | |||
| 10 Mar 2016 | 11: Online Safety for Kids with Mark Peesel | 00:26:21 | |
In This Episode:
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| 30 Jun 2016 | 27: How to Heal and Move On After Divorce | 00:40:42 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 27, How to Heal and Move on After Divorce Are you a parent worried about your child through your divorce? Here’s a link to my s Free Parent Class http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/parentingthroughdivorce In This Episode: It’s important to identify the emotional pain by naming the feelings. Dr. Siegel says “When we can name it, we can tame it!”. This is so true. Common feelings are feelings of betrayal, fear, guilt, hope, anger, regret, etc... Recognizing and accepting the feelings that surface, release their grip on you. Also, it is important to recognize your belief systems that have been put into place through it all. Some painful ones that I hear in my practice is “I am unlovable.” “I should’ve done something earlier.” “I am a bad person.” and such. If those are coming up for you, therapy may be the best option to help you heal. When we experience trauma, our brain functions differently. It can change so many things in our lives. Divorce is no different. If left unprocessed in a healthy way, one my feel anxiety when connecting with new people such as dating. Perhaps feeling clingy, untrusting, or even standoffish and unable to accept the other’s compliments. For parents, unprocessed trauma could reduce their capacity to be fully present with their kiddos and cause them to feel “numb” to things that they previously enjoyed. It could cause them to be irritable or to have a shorter fuse with their kiddos. And, for many it just feels like they are stuck, destined to feel that way forever. Trauma distorts time. It’s important to seek support not only to help you grieve the loss of the dreams you had when you got married, but also to help you reprocess the trauma, so that you don’t repeat the same situation with someone new as you delve into a new relationship. Some people grieve, then find someone new, while others find someone new then feel those feelings. Now, I’ll bet you can imagine which one has the best results. That’s why it’s recommended for people that are newly divorced not to dive right into a new relationship. The excitement of a new relationship can disguise the pain for a while. But, after the newness wears off, then it can surface. It can leave people with new relationship challenges. Also, jumping in too soon after divorce can complicate the adjustment process for the children too. Some people have a big worry of not being able to financially support themselves without someone else, so getting in a relationship right out of divorce is part of their freedom plan. Unfortunately, relationships that exists as a financial stability piece can dissolve and be more destructive than ever. So it’s super important to heal first, and then move on after you are in a healthier spot, emotionally and financially.
After your divorce, be sure to take time to decompress. Engage in an activity that makes you feel good, other than dating or partying. Something that ignites your feeling of self again: volunteering, exercise, connecting with friends, painting... Only you know what does this. Movement can do amazing things for your emotional state. Identify and connect with your support system. Friends, family, therapist, etc. the reason why this helps is because we are wired as social beings. This means, we have an innate need to feel heard, cared about, ... in the heart and mind of someone else. <3 After divorce, this can be especially important since relationship ruptured can leave one feeling unheard, unloved, uncared about. Since our bodies are a system, when a trauma happens such as with some divorces, it can affect our sleep patterns, tolerance levels, digestive system, emotional regulation (some people experience depressive and anxiety symptoms). With therapy, people can organize it all in your brain, heal the hurts and position themselves with a much healthier capacity to adjust and enjoy your new start, which can then help your kiddos ultimately to move on. Just like the flight attendant says to put on your own oxygen mask before you do your child’s, be sure to oxygenate yourself during this time so that you can be there for your kiddos. With friends and family, notice the amount of time that you engage in “Divorce” talk. If it’s too much, pull back and seek out a therapist for individual or group support. Let your previous relationship be your teacher. What “ruts” do you want to get out of? What would you like for the future? What are some deal breakers with future relationships? Some relationships end as a result, or at least partially because of emotional abuse. This is tough for some to grasp since there aren’t any physical marks, but there are certainly emotional scars. This involves a regular pattern of verbal assault, such as threatening, bullying, constant criticism, or more subtle approaches such as intimidation, shaming, humiliation, control, manipulation, etc... Emotional abuse is used to control and suppress the other person.
A lot of time it can result out of childhood wounds and insecurities that the abuser experienced and didn’t heal from in their own life. This reminds me of the quote “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE”. Along the way, healthy coping mechanisms weren’t put into place. This could leave them with a hunger for control and power as a result of their unprocessed anger, hurt, fear and feelings of powerlessness, those more vulnerable feelings. That’s one of the reasons why you should heal yourself through this, so that you can be healthy enough to parent in a healthy way for your kiddos. Allow yourself to grieve if you are feeling the pain of divorce. Allow yourself to feel the feelings in a supported, safe way. One thing that can be incredibly helpful is to write and / or create some type of artwork. The power of expression is amazing. I use expressive art therapy in my work in almost every session with my clients, regardless of age. Journaling can be really helpful. Research tells us that it cannot only help at the moment with regulating the body’s physiological response such as blood pressure, heart rate, and it can help people sleep more sound, but it can also help in the long term with huge physical and emotional benefits. For this, you can just by a journal (it doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive) and just write what comes to mind, thereby releasing it from your mind body and soul. It is also helpful to write a letter to yourself from someone that you love and that cares about you, such as a family member or a trusted friend. This one was shared with me from a dear friend that went through a divorce herself. It can be so very healing. It’s cathartic and can help people heal enough to move on in a healthy way. From a neuroscience perspective, the power of telling our story through a narrative can organize it in our brain, in the hippocampus, where it would otherwise be left fragmented and unprocessed. This can lead to chaos, whereas the narrative can heal. Remember that there is an “after” this time. So, intentionally focus on creating a better future for you and your kiddos. Remember, you and your kiddos can still be a happy family even after all of this. So play with them, show your interest in your children, and connect with them in a way that lets them know that you care about them and that they are important to you. Remember, their belief system is forming during this time too. Also, allow your child to grieve and process through this divorce in a healthy way. It can be tough for kids if some things aren’t in place. I have an online course on this, Parenting through Divorce: 7 Key Strategies To Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Healthy Before, During And After Divorce. It’s one of my Parent With Intention courses. If you want check that out, just visit jackieflynnconsulting.com/parentthroughdivorce I have almost 50 brief videos in the course that incorporates much of what I share with the parents that I work with in my private practice and as a parent coach as a Divorce Recovery Specialist
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| 19 Sep 2016 | 35: How to Respond to an "I Hate You" Comment from Your Child | 00:27:37 | |
In This Episode: The words “I Hate You” can cut deep, especially when they are from your child.
When emotions get heated all kinds of comments can surface.
Let’s begin with an understanding of how the brain works.
I love Dr. Seigal’s Handy Model of the Brain. His simple explanation of how the brain functions can give us a better understanding of how an “I Hate You” can slip out. The good news is, that there are things that you can do to help. Knowledge is a big part of it.
When we get upset our Pre Frontal Cortex goes off line as Dr Siegel puts it. That basically means that our decision making gets high-jacked by our emotions in our limbic system. In other words, the child is really upset. Well, that’s probably something that you new already, right?
When children, really people in general are extremely upset and their pre-frontal cortex is offline, or as Dr. Siegel puts it “Flipped their Lid” then they say and do things that are purely based in raw emotion, not having been filtered through their “Is this a good idea” filter.
They may say or do things that they don’t mean or is not in their best interest. I’m a marriage counselor and can’t help but relate to how couples become “flooded” which is just another way of saying that they “flip their lids” and do and say things they often don’t mean and regret in many instances.
Okay, so here’s how to remedy this. First, watch the short little video to Dr. Siegel’s handy model of the brain. You can find it on you tube by just putting ‘handy model of the brain” and I’ll also have a link to it in the show notes.
Then, when your child is upset or angry always focus on a de-escalation goal. Empathy is a biggie in helping kids calm down and preserving and strengthening your relationship through it all. Reflect their feeling in a way that sounds and looks like you care. “I can see you feel really angry at me right now.” Have your body language match your words, so the child can get the message that you care.
Also, be the thermostat, not the thermometer. Don’t get hot as your child gets hot, cool it down as your child gets hot. In other words, don’t get upset with the child, speak in a calm, loving voice to set the emotional temperature in the room. Remember, this isn’t a magic wand approach so I will take time, patience, and lots of love to remain calm, but it’s key. The effort is so very worth it.
Another biggie is to avoid teaching in these moments. If your child’s thinking part of their brain is not functioning fully, then your words are not only being received, but they are likely to esculate the upset and remember the goal is deescuation. The processing of what’s alright and what’s not alright does need to happen, but only after your child is in a calmer state. This is an important piece too. My work is highly influenced by my training and experience in Child Parent Relationship Therapy created by Sue Bratton ,Garry Landreth, Theresa Kellam , and Sandra R. Blackard . I keep their manual within arms reach of me at my private practice. It’s one of my favorite resources. Over the years, I’ve learned many approaches and Child Parent Relationship Therapy is by far the very best. If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to listen to the episode on Child Parent Relationship Therapy with Dr. Dalena Dillman Taylor from University of Central Florida. Click Here to Listen to Episode 22 on Child Parent Relationship Therapy
To help your child calm down, you need to be in a calm state. This is often much easier said than done in the early stages of this process. It’s really helpful to learn and use calming techniques with your child when times are good. During an angry episode, is not the time to learn calming skills. I like deep belly breaths, bunny sniffs, butterfly hugs, double doodling with both hands, and there’s some higher level ones such as pendulating and visualization that can be really effective.
The most important thing is to not take it personally. See it as an opportunity to help our child develop emotionally. If it does strike a nerve in a big way, do a check in with yourself to assess whether or not it is touching on a sore spot, if it hits a nerve from past pains or hurtful situations of the past. If yes, I may be beneficial to do some therapy work on a personal level. Heal yourself, so that you don’t pass that pain on to your child.
Here’s a short clip of my daughter , Angel, doing a role play of what this may sound like.
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 13 Dec 2022 | 100. EMDR Explained with Rotem Brayer | 00:24:20 | |
Rotem Brayer talks with me in person about EMDR Training, Rotem is responsible for creating the EMDR Learning community. If you've received EMDR training, you probably already know who Rotem is, if not make sure to listen closely this episode because he is so amazing.
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| 19 May 2016 | 21: How to Make Divorce Easier for Kids | 00:24:07 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 21 How to Make Divorce Easier for Kids with Child Therapist, Jackie Flynn Sign-up for Jackie’s Free Class “How to Create an Emotionally Safe Environment for Your Child through Divorce” at www.jackieflynnconsulting.com/class In This Episode: FREE DOWNLOAD www.jackieflynnconsulting.com/divorce Don’t Expect Your Child to Pick a “Side” Do not expect your child to choose sides before, during, or after the divorce. Respect your child’s right and need to love, honor and respect the other parent. Be Present with Your Child Make the precious time that you get with your child quality time. Resist the urge to ask questions about time with the other parent. Also, take this time to truly connect with your child, as this can be a painful adjustment and strong parent child relationships are more important than ever. Speak Respectfully About the Other Parent Avoid "talking trash" about the other parent, whether directly or within earshot while talking to others. This can leave your child feeling angry, confused, and guilty. Instead, speak respectfully about the other parent to your child and make efforts to have a civilized and considerate relationship as much as possible. Reassuring Your Child that Kids Can’t Cause or “fix” a Divorce Sometimes children feel like they are the cause of the divorce. Whether they heard their name in a heated argument or just feel responsible for family issues. Letting your child know that a divorce is not something that children can cause, prevent or fix. Show Empathy and Compassion for Your Child’s Feelings Allow your child to express their emotions in a safe accepting way. Reflections from you such as “you feel sad ...” or “that really hurt you when...” is much more helpful in terms of a healthy adjustment, as well as development of emotional regulation skills.
Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” | |||
| 05 May 2016 | 19: Hannah’s Heroes: Youth Suicide Prevention, Providing Community Support & Preventing Other Losses | 00:22:53 | |
In This Episode:
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| 12 Jan 2017 | 45: Cultivating Competence, Confidence, & a Sense of Purpose in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder with Dr. Temple Grandin | 00:45:26 | |
I’m really excited about this episode with Dr. Temple Grandin! She’s so inspirational to me and many around the world. She has written so many books on Autism! In this episode, she talks about what it was like growing up for her with Autism, what helps and what doesn’t. She also provides some great tips for parents, teachers, and therapists to help raise kids that have a sense of purpose and a strong work ethic that can go on to thrive in emotionally, socially, and occupationally. I first heard of Dr. Grandin from a friend of mine, Stephanie Sanders. She is the Speech Therapist and the author of the FILTER Approach that I had on the podcast way back in episode 28. If you haven’t listened to that episode, please do. It’s a good one! I love Stephanie and her work. Her book is fantastic. It provides a step by step curriculum to help children with social communication skills. I worked with her when I was a school counselor and had the opportunity to really see her work help some of the same kids I was working with... it’s amazing. Also, one more thing before we jump into my conversation with Dr. Grandin. My colleague, Robert Cox, has a podcast and a book coming out soon that I am super, crazy excited about. It’s called Listening to Autism. He was also a guest on my podcast back in Episode 24 – “Teaching Kids with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder to Calm Their Chaos through Mindfulness.” On his podcast “Listening to Autism” he brings in research, lots of information from professionals. He draws on his 24 years of experience of working with people with Autism as well as explores effective treatment approaches to really help. One thing that I love about his work is that he looks at helping through the lens of trauma, to really help. He also has a book in the final stages at the time of this recording “The Life Recovery Method”. You can find Robert at www.liferecoveryconsulting.com Okay, so here are the highlights of my conversation with Dr. Temple Grandin. It’s important to get a child that is non-verbal into speech therapy as soon as possible. There’s 3 types of minds - photo-visual thinking, pattern thinker, and the person that thinks in words. It’s important to “stretch” kids to expose them to things that help them grow. Build on children’s strengths - art, hands-on, etc... Giving kids a chance to develop a strong work ethic and develop working skills is so important. Dr. Grandin expresses gratitude to the people such as her teachers, her mother, and others that helped shape her work ethic and push her. She is very concerned about video game “addictions”. It’s important to limit their video game addiction with ASD, by weaning them away from it and replacing it with hands-on work opportunities and activities that the child is interested in. Dr. Grandin describes “teachable” moments as being really helpful. She mentions that understanding sensory issues is really important. When she was growing up, adults would “correct” kids when they were doing something incorrectly such as “only the clerks are allowed behind the counter” when she went behind the counter. It’s important to give kids a refuge away from teasing in groups with people that have a “Shared Interests”. Exposure in high school is important – it’s a window of opportunity to get kids involved and exposed to other things than video games. Dr. Grandin says that it is never too late to make changes. She discusses her own experiences with medication to help her take the edge of anxiety. She mentions a connection with Autism Spectrum Disorder and the images in video games. Join our FB Group Parenting in the Rain Community and like our page! For Therapists – Join Play Therapy Community ™ with Jackie to learn more... Launching Soon!
http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic
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| 09 Nov 2017 | 63: Adlerian Play Therapy with Dalena Dillman Taylor, PhD, LPC, RPT | 00:36:16 | |
Dr. Taylor is an assistant professor at the University of Central Florida. She’s also the Center for Play Therapy Training and Research Director, as well as the Play Therapy Certificate coordinator.
She earned her graduate degrees from the University of North Texas.
She learned from many of the leaders in the Play Therapy world.
Dr. Taylor is trained in Adlerian Play Therapy developed in the early 1990’s by Terry Kottman, Ph.D., Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor, NCC, LMHC
Adlerian’s belief is that people’s behavior is purposeful and goal-directed. Their early childhood experiences influence their behavior, as well as how they view themselves, others and their world.
4 Phases of Adlerian Play Therapy (1) Relationship Building – This phase of the therapy is non-directive and supports safety in the play room. By creating a shared power, the client can really feel like a significant person in their world. This phase supports building trust within the child. (2) Investigating the Lifestyle – In this phase, the therapist becomes more directive in their work. A focus is placed on how they view themselves, others, and the world. There are a lot of things to take into consideration for the client, especially information on their personality, how do they feel like they matter in the world. (3) Gaining Insight – At this point in the therapeutic process, the therapist has a really good idea how the child is viewing themselves, others and world. The treatment plan is developed after phase 2, once the therapist has a good idea of who the child is and how they view the world. (4) Reorientation –In this phase, the therapist teaches the children skillsets through role play, family work, and more. One of the goals is to directly support their ability to generalize the skills in different settings to support their self-efficacy.
The therapist looks for signs that the child is ready to move into each phase. It’s important to truly understand the child’s lifestyle.
These 3 things are across each of the categories in the lifestyle:
Parent consultation is an important component of Adlerian Play therapy. Half of the session is spent with the child and ½ of the session is spent with the parent or every other session with parent then with child is scheduled.
During the therapy, the parent is also following the 4 phases. During the parent consultation, how the parent is viewing the world is explored since it greatly influences their parenting approach.
During the parent consultation, the parent learns many of the same skills as the child, so that they can respond to the child in a different way that is supportive of the treatment plan for the child.
Dr. Taylor highly recommends reading Partners in Play by Terry Kottman 3rd Edtion.
Crucial C’s of Adlerian Play Therapy
It’s important for each therapist to choose a theory that aligns with how you also view the world to foster authenticity of delivery of services.
The relationship is the most critical element of the therapy.
http://education.ucf.edu/playtherapy/ https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 30 Mar 2017 | 49: The Art of Raising Honest Children with Integrity | 00:07:47 | |
Episode 49: The Art of Raising Honest Children with Integrity In This Episode:
Children learn way more by watching what we do, than by listening to what we say to do. This is why it is so important to live our lives with integrity and good character. It was super important before we had children, but it’s more important now than ever as it could impact generations to come. There are quite a few definitions of integrity floating around, but I like this one the most. Integrity – doing the right thing even when no one is watching. It’s personal honesty. It’s a biggie to resist those temptations to tell little white lies or big hairy tall tales. Don’t tell the person at the ticket booth that your child is really 9 instead of 12 to get a reduced price ticket. Don’t sneak into hotel pools when you’re not a guest. Don’t go past the “Do Not Enter” signs and all of the other of gazillion things that can be tempting to do. It may save you a few bucks at the movie theater to sneak in Candy from the outside, but in the long run, it costs way more than a few bucks. You can compromise your kid’s integrity. And, that is so valuable. When someone is true to their values of honesty and integrity, it usually generalizes to other areas of their lives. So, take every opportunity to be honest, even when your child isn’t present, even when it cost you more money, even when it means that you will be inconvenienced, even when it’s hard... Resisting the urge to gossip about someone else’s life can help your child develop trusting relationships that are solid as a rock too. It helps your child to not only be trustworthy but to be trusting. It’s not only a beautiful gift to your child to raise them to value this important character trait, but is also a huge gift to yourself, your community, and ultimately the world that we all share.
http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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| 14 Mar 2023 | 104. Play Therapists Sharing: Kentucky APT Community Outreach | 00:22:15 | |
At the time of this recording I at a hotel in LaGrange Kentucky with the board members of Kentucky Association for Play Therapy. I am so inspired by their passion for Play, dedication to helping others, and pure kindness for humanity. If you'd like to learn more about them visit http://kyapt.org/ If you'd like to learn more about Play Therapy visit https://www.a4pt.org/? | |||
| 26 Oct 2022 | 98. EMDR with young children with Anne, Annie, & Jackie | 00:23:04 | |
Today I am so excited to share my conversation with Anne Beckely Forest and Annie Monaco on the Podcast. Interested in networking with other Therapists in the Play Therapy Community? Here’s our facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity | |||
| 13 Jun 2022 | 86. What is case conceptualization and WHY is it important? | 00:46:17 | |
Join me in conversation with Bridger from Beyond Healing. He teaches us about the importance of case conceptualization and how it can really support the work we do to support our clients. Bridger has such a community mindset in every way. He operates from a Polyvagal Informed perspective and it shows on his emphasis on SAFETY AND CONNECTION. Beyond Healing has a training coming up in Gainsville Florida that I plan on attending. I'm so super excited. Here are some links to learn more:
Our website is connectbeyondhealing.com The registration for the training in July that you will be attending is available here: https://www. NOTE FROM BRIDGER after our recording: "Please note that there are payment plans associated with every training and project we sell! No barriers ever!" Oh my goodness, I love their generosity. They are such giving humans! The link for people to come to the Beyond Healing Community is available here: https:// | |||
| 02 Jun 2016 | 23: Practical Understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder | 00:38:47 | |
Parenting in the Rain, Episode 23 Practical Understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder In This Episode:
Resourceshttps://www.sensorysmarts.com/ http://www.comfykid.com/Pipsqueaks.htm Lindsey Describes Sensory Processing Disorder in a Video Article on Supporting Sensory Processing Issues written by Lindsey Biel | |||
| 13 Oct 2020 | 79: Healing Trauma with Expressive & Play Therapies with Marshall Lyles | 00:37:23 | |
In this episode, Marshall Lyles shares his passion for helping his clients heal from trauma through Expressive Arts. When I reached out to Marshall to invite him on the podcast, I requested a conversation focusing on his use of poetry with his clients. In this episode, you’ll notice that we cover much more than poetry. Marshall is highly trained and well versed in so many healing traumas and approaches that it was difficult to limit our conversation. I’m excited for you to experience our conversation about how he used expressive arts to heal trauma. He is an EMDRIA approved consultant and a Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, among many other credentials that speak to his capacity to treat trauma. Be sure to visit www.marshalllyles.com www.therapistsworkshop.com to learn more about him and to see his beautiful expressive arts studio. | |||
| 07 Dec 2017 | 67: Jackie’s 15 Favorite Quotes with Jackie Flynn EdS, LMHC, RPT | 00:31:07 | |
https://www.facebook.com/PLAYTHERAPYCOMMUNITY/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/1130971706932394/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/schoolcounselors/ https://www.facebook.com/counselinginbrevard/ https://twitter.com/jackieflynnrpt
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| 07 Nov 2016 | 41: When a Parent Feels Judged | 00:29:55 | |
Episode 41, When a Parent Feels Judged
In This Episode: What does it mean with someone feels “judged”? When you feel something in your heart that your mind knows isn’t true. It can wreak havoc on family relationships. One thing that I remember from a pre-marital training called Pre-Cana was the emphasis of not sharing personal disagreements and issues with friends and family members. When personal conflicts occur and get resolved within the couple relationship, but close members of the inner circle are made privy to one side of the issue, long after the issue is over, the knowledge of that deep, personal feelings of their often skewed (because they only heard one side of the argument) perception lingers. And, the relationships suffer as a result. It can’t be unheard, unfelt or undone. Feeling judged isn’t something that everyone deals with though. Some people are more impacted by their caring what people think of them. It has a lot to do with how we are wired, our own life experiences and the things that we feel to be true about ourselves. When it can have a big impact is when someone feels judged, whether perceived or real, by multiple people. It can feel painful, especially if the parent is already conscious of a need for improvement in that area anyway. It’s important to distinguish between reality and perception. Sometimes it can feel like others are judging us simply because we are judging ourselves. Or if we have been judged or called out on a certain issue before, when it comes up again an emotional response could be triggered. It’s really helpful to see it for what it is. If it’s really painful, do a check in with yourself to determine if you need some healing in that area. If big emotions come from a situation of feeling judged, it’s almost certain that the feelings link to another situation. If that situation hasn’t been fully processed and healed from yet, you may be more at risk for feeling judged. When people feel judged, sometimes they close up to risk their vulnerability and that is when maladaptive behaviors start to form and relationships start to suffer. Putting it into perspective can make a difference. Looking at the source and thinking through the facts can be incredibly helpful with putting it in to a healthy perspective.
I love Brené Brown’s books. In her works, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong and The Gift of Imperfection she speaks a great deal about vulnerability. Vulnerability is feeling free to be authentic, daring to follow your dreams, being true to yourself and your values at the risk of being judged. When we can be vunerable, we can be more creative, we can parent better, we can love more fully, and a gazillion other things that aren’t possible if we live in that space of fear of judgement. So, why do people judge? Quite simply, I believe it’s a character defect to go around judging everyone else. I’m certainly not saying that I’ve never done it. I’ve gotten so much better over the years and with my years of training and experience in this field. It is common unfortunately, but it can be “fixed”. When you stop judging others, you ultimately end up feeling good about yourself. Way back in the early days of this podcast, I had an episode on about “How to Nurture Kind Kids” with Carol McCloud the author of Have You Filled a Bucket Today book. The link is in the show notes http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/03-nurturing-genuinely-kind-kids-with-carol-mccloud/ one of the big messages in this book is that when we are kind to others, we ultimately make ourselves happy in the process. In this world, there’s no such things as a “perfect parent”. We make mistakes, it gets messy sometimes, and it is a work in progress. Give yourself permission to be real, to be human. In this space of authenticity, you can model that genuine you to life and problem solving. While it’s not always pretty, it can help you raise a confident child that feels free to be their authentic self. Free to love and live without having guards up. If you haven’t done so yet, listen to my episode 29 “How Taking Advice From Other Parents Can Be Like Wearing Their Skinny Jeans” on this topic. The link is in the shownotes http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/29-how-taking-advice-from-other-parents-can-be-like-wearing-their-skinny-jeans/ In a couple of other episodes, I mentioned the quote “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE”. I think for this topic of when parents feel judged, it’s helpful to look at who’s doing the judging. In Brené Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, she mentions one of Teddy Roosevelts quote “in the area” from a speech that he gave that still holds true today. It’s an excerpt from his speech "Citizenship In A Republic" that he delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910. Here it is: It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. So if the person that’s doing the judging isn’t “in the arena” then their judgment, aka “opinion” doesn’t really count. They don’t get to take up valuable real estate in my brain. But if they are someone in the arena, worthy of me caring about their opinion, then I take it with a filter. I keep what is helpful and filter out what is not. This was a profound lesson in my life. If you haven’t read her books or watched her Ted Talks yet, I highly recommend that you do as soon as possible. Her concepts can help you get through tough times, as well as raise your resiliency levels to other people’s judgment. If you haven’t done so yet, be sure to join us on Facebook in our group Parenting in the Rain Community and like our page Parenting in the Rain Podcast, Hosted by Jackie Flynn If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com Below Are Some Sites, Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love My Parent Coaching Program - https://jackieflynnconsulting.simplero.com/products/52176-Parent-Coaching-Program
Labyrinths 20% off for calming, focus and connectedness. http://www.relax4life.com/JF.html | |||
| 17 Mar 2016 | 12: Cutting to Cope - Understanding the Emotional Desperation Behind Self-Harm | 00:19:45 | |
Cutting to Cope: Understanding the Emotional Desperation behind Self-Harm In This Episode:
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| 17 Oct 2016 | 38: When a Parent Struggles with Anxiety: Calming and Coping Techniques | 01:00:38 | |
In This Episode: Click Here for the Free Download: DISTRESS SCALE for Before / After Calming Techniques Today’s episode is all about what it is like when a parent struggles with anxiety, as well as some options to heal from and some coping skills to get through the trying times. My work has been greatly influenced by my work in EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing and reading books like The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel Van der Kolk and Peter Levine’s Healing Trauma. I think it’s important to begin with a discussion of what anxiety is and what it is not. Mental Health clinicians use a book to clinically diagnose Anxiety Disorder called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. At the time of this recording, we are using the 5th edition. Anxiety disorders can come in different forms. In this episode we’re going to look at symptoms and coping skills rather than a diagnosis. Anxiety can come in many different forms – Separation Anxiety Disorder (I see this most often with children and some teens) , Selective Mutism, Specific Phobia , Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia), Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia (fear of places or situations), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (what I see most commonly in my work) ,Substance/Medication-Induced Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety Disorder Due to Another Medical Condition and more. Anxiety, like the range of emotions that we experience, are all part of the human experience. Give yourself permission to be human. It’s important not to judge them good or bad, rather look at the level of functionality that it has in your life. I listened to an episode of Marie TV with Marie Forleo, with Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat Pray Love, where she talked about the function of Fear. Fear is ultimately at the foundation of anxiety. She had a great description of how it’s like fear is riding with her in the car – she puts it in the back seat, not in the front seat, not allowing it to control the radio or adjust the mirrors or grab the steering wheel. Ultimately, a certain amount of anxiety keeps us alive, keeps us from getting into situations that can hurt us. Doctors Peter Levine and Bessel Van der Kolk describe anxiety as the smoke alarm in the brain. It goes off when there’s danger. When people have an unhealthy level of anxiety, perhaps one of the Anxiety disorders, its like to smoke alarm goes off on super sensitive mode. There’s a part of our brain called the Amygdala that serves as the smoke alarm. Our brains are brilliantly wired for our life experience. So much goes on in our brain to try to allow us to have the best lives ever. Lots of brain research has surfaced in the last 10 years, but more and more is coming out each day. All of the coping skills that I’m going to suggest may help you brain function at more optimal level during times of distress. Please know that these things are not like a light switch, but rather a dimmer, that can help one calm down slowly. If these things don’t seem to help, seeking out professional assistance from a mental health professional may help you get to the root of these fears on a deeper level. As a clinician, I’ve seen amazing progress with EMDR, EFT, Art Therapy, Play Therapy, and a body based therapy called Somatic Experiencing. These types of therapy surpass the limitation of words by incorporating the entire brain and body in the healing process. It can happen so quickly sometimes, it leaves me questioning if it’s really healed. Has the person really moved past and escaped from the grips of the Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, or whatever it is they are dealing with, or is it hopeful thinking? After years of working in this field and seeing long lasting change, I am certain that these types of therapy help- help people get their quality of life back. And, for parents it allows them to be fully engaged with their children and spouse if they are married. It can be truly remarkable! I think everyone can use therapy at one time or another in their lives, especially if they have a difficult situation in their past and/or their present, as well as their perceived future. In this episode we’ll going to cover what that diagnosis means, but we won’t confine ourselves to that, because anxiety can be felt to the level of meeting that clinical diagnostic criteria, but it can also be felt without. It can leave us, as parents feeling unable to cope with stressful situations, feeling trapped and overwhelmed. Also, if you haven’t done so yet, be sure to check out Episode 33, When a Parent Struggles with Depression. http://jackieflynnconsulting.com/33-when-a-parent-struggles-with-depression/ A Reminder: this podcast is not therapy, nor is it a substitute for therapy. It’s meant for informational and educational purposes only. If you need therapeutic support, look around in your area for a mental health provider that can meet your needs. For parents, it’s especially important to heal and move past Anxiety. Children need a parent or caregiver to fully participate in life with them -to create healthy foundations of attachment and security. Anxiety can impede on that process. Even in uterio, the mother’s emotional state can have a big impact on the child’s development. In my EMDR training years ago, I learned that we have emotional memories from as far back as 6 months in the womb. Our children not only use us as a model of how to act, they also take on our responses to situations in a deeper way, in an unconscious way. Some of the types of therapies that I’ll bring up in a bit can help people heal from that. But, I do believe the old adage “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” applies here. If you are a parent experiencing painful and life limiting anxiety, getting help for yourself can benefit you and your children, your children’s children, and so on and so on. Not only is there no trophy for self-sacrificing and taking the hard road through this, there’s also a chance of having it affect people for generations to come. Okay, so I know how tempting it can be to search on the web for your symptoms and do somewhat of a self-diagnosis. I’ve done that before with medical stuff. I was convinced that I had Hypothyroidism, but once I got to the doctor and had bloodwork done, it turned out that I was just low on iron and Vitamin D. As a clinician, I’ve experience people coming in convinced that they have a specific disorder as well. Sometimes they are on the right track, but many times they are not. That’s why we are going to cover awareness and coping skills today. For this reason, I’m not going to read verbatim, the diagnostic criteria. We are going to discuss it in a more practical sense, but if feel like you’re experiencing this on a deep level, then you may want to see a mental health and/or a medical professional. I’ve seen anxiety treated well with therapy, and sometimes through medication as an adjunct to therapy. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t offer education or advice on medication. However, your physician can be a great source of information. I often accompany my clients to psychiatric appointments or doctor’s appointments as part of a team approach. It can be incredibly helpful. If several professionals are helping the same person, it just makes since to collaborate as a team. It can be powerful. This is common especially with my clients with an eating disorder. Upon authorization from the client or their guardian, we can really discuss the treatment approach and support each other in ways that make a huge difference. Anxiety can feel overwhelming; often leave us feeling out of control. Some things that people with anxiety experience are some or all of the following: exhaustion, even more tired than usual, focus and concentration issues, grumpiness and irritability, body soreness, sleep disturbance of then leaving one having trouble falling asleep and/or staying asleep, restlessness, or sleep that leaves someone still tired upon waking. Anxiety has some body symptoms too. I love Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk’s work and Dr. Peter Levine’s work. They really point out how the body experiences deep emotional experiences and can often hold it there. I’ve seen anxiety show itself as gastrointestinal issues such as constipation or diarrhea, sweating, nausea, feeling faint and much more. Each person is unique and has their own experience. But, the big take away is that it isn’t just confined to thoughts in the mind. It can make it hard to function, especially if you are a parent with tons of responsibilities and expectations. It can also take a toll on relationships at home, work, social life, and more... It can strain our child parent relationship and marital relationships for sure. This episode wouldn’t be complete without a mention of trauma. Trauma can come to us in different sizes – Big T Trauma for those really startling situations and little t trauma for the smaller situations that still impact us. A big T may be from emotional and/or physical abuse, violence, war time experience – really intense situations. A little t may be someone laughing at you during a class presentation in 4th grade, gossip, and such... Since people experience stuff in such a different way, a big T trauma for one person, may be a little t trauma for someone else. And, visa versa. These traumas cause our smoke alarm to go off in our brain, sending the signal to release cortisol in our brain to keep us safe. If serve enough the alarm system becomes sensitive and releases those chemicals without as much threat when we are triggered. And, that can look like Anxiety, when our brain and body tries to keep us safe, even when there’s no real danger. It can be difficult to parent with Anxiety, leaving us on edge, not being able to fully engage in the present moment with our children. Or, keeping us from participating in certain social situations, staying home to take care of something that you exhibit symptoms of obsessiveness and compulsiveness over, or even the fear of going into a panic attack while doing something. Sometimes people go into a state of panic over the fear of going into a state of panic. Years ago, I read Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens by Richard Carlson to my middle school class. In that book he used the metaphor of a snow globe. I think it’s such a great metaphor of how our brain works when inundated with feelings and thoughts. The coping and calming skills that we’ll cover helps those settle like the snowflakes in the globe. Another important point that I need to mention here is the importance of naming the emotions that come up in certain situations. Dr. Seigel has a phrase, “If you can name it, you can tame it”. By naming our emotions, it allows our brain’s to process them in a more efficient way. Before we cover calming and coping skills, it’s really important to mention the impact of nutrition and sleep. With good nutrition and sleep our brain functions at its best. This can’t be overstated. Nutrition and sleep make a big difference! So, let’s cover a list of the things that help those symptoms of anxiety subside. I always like to start of with rating the level of anxiety. In EMDR and EFT we call it a SUD, Subjective Unit of Distress. From 0 to 10, how distressed do you feel? (these are described more in detail in episode 38 of Parenting in the Rain www.parentingintherain.com
If you are experiencing feelings of anxiety and it is limiting your life, as well as your ability to parent or function in the family in a healthy way, you may want to consider seeking out a professional mental health counselor. I have seen huge changes in my clients that led them to a better quality of life their entire family. See the following for a list of books and products that I love and recommend. I have used and read all of them, which is the only reason that I would recommend them to you, as I take my recommendations seriously
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
Below Are Some Sites, Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love My Parent Coaching Program - https://jackieflynnconsulting.simplero.com/products/52176-Parent-Coaching-Program
Labyrinths 20% off for calming, focus and connectedness. http://www.relax4life.com/JF.html | |||
| 28 Jul 2022 | 88. Supporting Parents in Play Therapy with Dr. Becki Welsh | 00:46:19 | |
Join me in conversation with Dr. Becki Welsh. Becki is a dear friend of mine that I met through one of my 8 Phases of EMDR with Children and Adolescents trainings. We’ve been connected ever since. Her knowledge and skillset when it comes to helping children and families is immeasurable. In this episode of the podcast, she shares with us all about her 316 Parenting model. It’s fascinating! One of the best, if not THE BEST, parent supports that I’ve ever learned about!
To learn more, visit: https://www.316counselingcenter.org/about-1 http://www.playtherapycommunity.com https://playtherapycommunity.com/training/
Join us in our facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity Join our EMDR Learning Community at https://emdr-learning.com/share/TzabloXTllAx8cpw?utm_source=manual Join the Beyond Healing Community at https://beyondhealingcommunity.com/share/fHxpN42T3SaHAAh9?utm_source=manual | |||
| 03 Jun 2022 | 85. A Moving Experience that Will Last a Lifetime | 00:39:51 | |
Join me in conversation with Joye Newman, a co-author of the In-Sync Child book. She's a delightful, brilliant human that teaches us how to help children through movement. She describes the importance of movement for precious SAFETY and CONNECTION. Learn more: https://in-sync-child.com | |||
| 07 Apr 2016 | 15: Parenting a Child with ADHD and Autism | 00:47:02 | |
In This Episode:
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| 01 Jun 2022 | 84. Resources for Caregivers & Families of Traumatized Children | 00:36:08 | |
Join me in conversation with Robyn Gobbel as she shares with us ways to support our clients when it comes to trauma. She has lots of resources for us as clinicians and for the parents and families that we work with. I love her energy, skill, and passion when it comes to helping traumatized children and their families. To learn more about Robyn and to find her resources, visit: https://robyngobbel.com/about/#toggle-id-2
This episode is sponsored by the World Association for Sand Therapy Professionals. Visit: | |||
| 11 Aug 2020 | 71: Supporting Our LGBTQ Youth | 00:52:15 | |
In this episode, Samantha Willis shares with us about the painful experiences that our LGBTQ youth often go through alone. She stressed the importance of acceptance and compassion. She mentions the benefits of displaying symbols, such as a rainbow, that communicate a message that she is a safe person to authentically share with. She recommends that therapists connect with other therapists in their area to maximize benefits for clients in search of a therapist that can support their unique needs. Samantha earned a Master’s of Education in Counseling and Guidance with a concentration in Clinical Mental Health from the University of Montevallo. She also earned Bachelor’s Degrees in Psychology and Social Work with a Minor in Philosophy and Religion from the University of Montevallo. Samantha is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Alabama, a Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC), and Registered Play Therapist. Samantha has a certification in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). She utilizes peer-reviewed and evidence-based therapeutic techniques in her practice such as play therapy, sand tray therapy, and art therapy. Samantha is a Body-Brain sand tray specialist and uses the techniques with all ages. Samantha works primarily with clients who have experienced trauma, experience dissociative symptoms, are in the LGBTQ+ community, or are transgender. Samantha is currently a student at Memorial University of Newfoundland (MUN) studying Gender Studies and is currently writing her thesis entitled “Transgender and Non-Binary Lived Experiences Among Southern Appalachian Youth: Correlations of Mental Health and Interpersonal Relationship Dynamics Before, During, and After the Coming out Process.” Samantha Willis, M.Ed., LPC, NCC, Registered Play Therapist Avail Services, LLC Websites: avail.services, avail.institute | |||
| 20 Jan 2023 | 102. Understanding Ableism & Disablism | 00:33:17 | |
Today I'm joined by Marshall Lyles, I am so excited to share this conversation with you today. | |||
| 11 Apr 2023 | 106. EMDR Resources in Child Therapy with Christine Mark-Griffin, LCSW | 00:10:31 | |
Christine Mark-Griffin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. My conversation with Christine was super exciting, I hope you find it exciting as well. Don't forget to visit Christine's website and show her some love! https://www.sparkallwellness.com/ | |||
| 26 Oct 2017 | 61: The Art of Setting Up Your Play Therapy Room with Pam Dyson MA, LPC-S, RPT-S | 00:26:43 | |
Pam Dyson, MA, LPC-S, RPT-S, is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, child development expert and parenting coach. In addition to her private practice www.pamdyson.com in Plano, Texas she provides consultation and supervision services and facilitates play therapy workshops at conferences throughout the US. She is the recipient of the Association for Play Therapy 2013 Key Award for Professional Education and Training and is currently serving a three-year term on the APT Board of Directors. Pam is the founder and director of the DFW Center for Play Therapy Training. www.dfwplaytherapy.com
In this episode, Pam shares with us how she put together her office space.
After a few times of moving her office, she has tweaked her set up until she created it just like she wants it.
Pam selected her toys and materials strategically, based on influence from Garry Landreth’s work. She referenced his book, Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship .
She has toys from each category: Expressive, Aggressive, & Nurturing. This helps her to determine what toys she has it in her play room.
Each toy that she has was selected based on its therapeutic value. How it can help the child express and release their emotions should be considered.
It’s important to have real-life toys, expressive materials, blocks, playdough, and more. Here’s a link to a recommended toy list: http://cpt.unt.edu/about-play-therapy/recommended-toy-list
Pam’s space is an organized and calming space.
Pam has 2 plain looking dollhouses in her space. Having 2 doll houses can help children play out what it is like transitioning between 2 homes.
“We can’t always change what’s going on around them, in their world, in their environment. But, we can help them improve the way they feel about themselves.” Pam Dyson
Naming the child’s emotion is helpful for the child to process situations in their life.
Playing activates the right hemisphere of the brain while naming the emotion activates the left. This supports integration of the 2 hemispheres, which allows the child to fully process.
Pam couldn’t imagine doing the work that she does without play because integrating both sides of the brain is so important.
In Pam’s space, there's a little table that she uses with her clients for many different purposes.
Pam intentionally puts everything in the same place, so that her clients know where things are located. Since they use the toys like we use words, it’s important for them to be able to find their words easily.
It’s important that there’s a sense of order in the playroom, so it feels like a safe, predictable experience for them.
Pam makes the distinction between Sandtray and Sandplay therapy. She uses Sandtray therapy in a separate room to use with older clients either individually with their parents.
Having 2 separate rooms, Play Therapy Room for younger clients and a Sandtray Room for older clients, Pam can best help both ages. And it helps lesson clean-up time as well.
Pam allots 15 minutes for clean-up time before the next client. She doesn’t feel too rushed in between clients. She starts each session on top of the hour.
She has an observation window in the play room to facilitate Child Parent Relationship Therapy. She also uses it to train other therapists how to work with the child. It has recording capacity for training purposes and self-evaluation as well. She always obtains written permission before recording. She records for clinical trainings mostly.
Pam is the director the DFW Center for Play Therapy. She offers 2 workshops a month for people interested in learning how to do Play Therapy. She’s an approved provider for the Association for Play Therapy. Her trainings offer continuing education credits. She really enjoys it.
Play Therapy can be used across the lifespan. It looks a bit different but can be used with any age.
Merchandise is available at Pam’s trainings. Her trainees can buy toys and miniatures and begin to implement what they learned right away.
Her workshops are experiential in nature to support that integration of the brain for the therapists as well.
To tour Pam’s space, visit www.pamdyson.com
Pam meets with the parents before she meets with the child. Based on the information from that session, she makes a recommendation on how to best work with the child. She has a parent consultation room that is comfortable and cozy, which she also uses for family therapy sometimes.
Pam keeps a bowl of fidget toys in the room to help ground and relax her clients and their parents.
Pam models playing with the child for the parent. She stresses the importance of leaving the phone and other electronics in the other room while playing with their child so they can be more present. Weekly playtimes can be so valuable.
It’s really important to involve the parent in the therapeutic process as much as possible. Pam shares lots of free videos on her social media sites.
Play Therapy Community www.playtherapycommunity.com Tour Pam’s Office www.pamdyson.com Trainings - www.dfwplaytherapy.com Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/pamdyson/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/user/PamDysonPlayTherapy
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| 24 Mar 2023 | 105. "I would literally fall to the ground because of it, but I had to get up." : from adversity to helping children with epilepsy through Play Therapy | 00:25:06 | |
Join me in conversation with Ryan Uner. I met him at the 2nd Annual Neuroscience of Play Therapy Summit. His story is pretty inspirational. He is a grad student at University of Central Florida | |||
| 21 Apr 2016 | 17: Surpassing the Limitation of Words with Play Therapy with Pam Dyson | 00:34:23 | |
In This Episode: Pam Dyson tells us all about Play Therapy. Play therapy is different than a child just playing. Play therapy may look and feel differently with different therapists. Some therapists allow the child to lead the play in some situations and other situations may be a bit more directive by the therapists. The relationship between the therapist and the child is key in regards to meeting the treatment goals. Pam customizes her approach for each child and each family to ensure that she meets their specific needs. Pam Dyson trains therapist in Play Therapy techniques through their work. She is a strong believer in ongoing training for therapist to stay abreast of new approaches. Play therapy can help with all kinds of behavioral and emotional challenges that a child may have such as grief and lost from a death, divorce, adoption, anxiety, depression, traumas, life changes, ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Learning Disabilities, and so much more. Its important parents to work closely with the therapist to maximize the effect for the child. Play therapy can be used to diagnose and treat children with problematic issues. The benefits of Play Therapy is seemingly limitless. It nurtures responsibility, understanding, self-esteem, and so much more. Play therapy is a method of therapy that has been proven to reduce and/or resolve a variety of problems in children and families. It is designed for children between the ages of 3-9 years old, while my Art Therapy Studio is designed for ages 12+. Play therapists work closely with parents to develop an effective treatment plan that works towards a happier and healthier life. Sometimes Play Therapy is offered in the home, school, and other places. It is not limited to the therapist’s office. The toys in a play therapy room are chose carefully to ensure that children can fully express themselves. Some of the toys are aggressive, nurturing and expressive in nature. EMDR integrates extremely well with Play Therapy. Problematic issues such as phobias, nightmares, bed-wetting, fear, anger, acting out/aggression, and more…, can be treated successfully with this integrated therapeutic approach. For children and adolescents, sand tray therapy, art therapy, hand tapping, and a “hand held buzzer” (to create the bi-lateral stimulation effect) can be during an EMDR therapy session. This is one of my(Jackie) treatments of choice, as I have seen so many people heal much more quickly than other means. Be sure to check out the future episode with Dr. Dalena Taylor on Child Parent Relationship Therapy, also known as CPRT and Filial therapy. Also, a previous guest on Parenting in the Rain podcast, Tammi Van Hollander, will be on the show soon to tell us all about and expressive arts type of therapy, Sand Tray Therapy. Following is a link to my private play therapy practice www.counselinginbrevard.com click on “Tour”. How to know when your child needs therapy? If there is changes in the child’s behavior, especially after a change or a trauma in the child’s life therapy may be beneficial for the child. Changes such as a move, a death in the family or a pet, trauma at school or home, and many more issues can cause a shift in the behavior and/or cause a change in their ability to focus. How do you know when it’s time to finish therapy? When the child’s behaviors improve, the reasons why they came in improve, or the child seems to be enjoying a better quality of life at home, school and life it could be a good time to phase out of therapy. Sometimes children return back to therapy after it’s complete if the behaviors resurface or another issue arises. The relationship between the child and the therapist is so important in the healing process. To find a play therapist in your area you can do a search for a play therapist on the internet, but specifically the Association for Play Therapy, APT, has some great resources and can give you information on Play Therapists in your area. Be sure to check out future episodes of the podcast. A free training will be coming up next week to help parents through parent through divorce. You can read the full show notes at www.parentingintherain.com | |||
| 29 Sep 2020 | 78: The Profound Healing Power of Virtual Sand Tray Therapy with Jessica Stone Ph.D | 00:27:48 | |
In this episode of Play Therapy Community podcast, Dr. Jessica Stone shares all about the healing power of Virtual Sandtray Therapy. She is the brilliant creator of the Virtual Sandtray App used by an increasing number of clinicians around the globe. Development of the Virtual Sandtray app intentionally included the main tenets of Sandtray Therapy to preserve its profound therapeutic healing power. You can find more about Dr. Stone, the Virtual Sandtray Therapy application, and her professional trainings at: www.jessicastonephd.com www.sandtrayplay.com https://www.amazon.com/Digital-Play-Therapy-Jessica-Stone/dp/0367001926/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 https://apps.apple.com/us/app/virtual-sandtray/id916460128 https://www.facebook.com/VirtualSandtray https://www.facebook.com/digitalplaytherapy/ | |||
| 06 Sep 2022 | 93. ALLMEE, a therapeutic doll to help children identify and express their inner world. | 00:12:06 | |
Ronda and Jacob join me to discuss their unique handcrafted play therapy doll designed for children who have a difficult time expressing their feelings. If you’d like to learn more about the ALLMEE doll, you should browse Ronda and Jacob’s website for more information: https://playtherapytrainingresources.com/all-mee-therapeutic-doll/
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| 15 Sep 2020 | 76: Parent Play Therapy Consultation | 00:26:21 | |
In this Parent Play Therapy Consultation episode, you will learn about:...what to cover in an initial phone call with parents/caregivers of potential child clients....how to describe the process and benefits of Play Therapy to parents/caregivers....how to structure your parent consultation to best fit your therapeutic approach....how to nurture a trusting, secure relationship with parents and caregivers....how to communicate with parents/caregivers throughout the process without breaching your child clients' limited confidentiality....how to communicate with parents/caregivers, and other helpers, within ethical and legal parameters when providing consultation....where to find effective parenting strategies and quality resources to share with parents/caregivers. | |||
| 09 Aug 2022 | 89. Grow Your Competence and Confidence in Play Therapy with Ann Beckley-Forest | 00:15:26 | |
Join me in conversation with Ann Beckley-Forest as we discuss what it’s like to be a beginner in the world of Play Therapy. The path from being a beginner in the field to the felt sense of competence and confidence can be rather challenging for some. There’s so much to learn! Play Therapy is a robust approach to child therapy and it’s at the core of Ann’s work. Ann is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in the Buffalo area, and has focused on interventions with children and adolescents throughout her career. She is an author, registered play therapy supervisor and approved provider of play therapy education, as well as an EMDR trainer and consultant. Her specialties include intervention with very young children, as well as problems of attachment and work with adolescent and adult survivors of trauma.
To Learn more from Ann, check out her trainings at https://www.annbeckleyforest.com/current-trainings
More resources can be found at: Play Therapy Community www.playtherapycommunity.com Join us in our facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/playtherapycommunity Join our EMDR Learning Community at https://emdr-learning.com/share/TzabloXTllAx8cpw?utm_source=manual Join the Beyond Healing Community at https://beyondhealingcommunity.com/share/fHxpN42T3SaHAAh9?utm_source=manual Schedule with Jackie https://playtherapycommunity.as.me/schedule.php | |||
| 24 Sep 2016 | 36: Enjoying a Healthy and happy Marriage Even in Difficult Parenting Situations | 00:30:36 | |
Parenting can get really stressful at times, especially if you have difficult circumstances. Kids are so very different in regards to their strengths and special needs. And, some situations are definitely more difficult than others. Some children really require a specialized set of skills, as well as an environment that helps them function. For example, parents of kids with ADHD really benefit from having patience and parenting strategies that help their child focus and to minimize impulsive behaviors, as well as helping their child with organization skills. While other parents of a child with early childhood trauma, need lots of understanding about how trauma works and how best to respond. Difficult situations lend themselves to parenting disagreement, which can strain a marriage. On today’s episode, we’re going to discuss the 4 predictors of divorce and how to not only prevent divorce by make your marriage more enjoyable, even when you have a perpetual problem like how to parent. Unfortunately, some parents become gridlocked on this issue and sometimes lead to divorce. I’m strongly influenced my level 3 training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. This is a type of therapy that is based on research from thousands of couples. It the very best type of marriage therapy available, in my opinion. So if you are considering couples therapy for your relationship, consider finding a therapist trained in Gottman Therapy. Your time will be used more efficiently and your therapeutic treatment will be designed around your custom needs. It starts with assessment, then the creation of a treatment plan, and interventions to address specific areas that are problematic. It tends to be a bit more expensive than your traditional therapy approach, because the sessions are usually longer (I provide 90 minute sessions) and more in depth. It is much cheaper than divorce though, and much less painful for everyone involved. Here are some important parts of Gottman Method Couples Therapy: 5 Positives to 1 Negative Ratio Keeps a Marriage Healthy When a partner makes a “bid for connection” (attempting to connect with your partner in some way) there are 3 options: Turn Toward / Turn Away / Turn Against. Turning Toward is ultimately what makes marriages flourish throughout the years. On the other hand, Turning Away and Turning Against may lead to the bids slowing down or quitting altogether. And, that looks like a marriage that feels like you’re living with a stranger or a roommate. So accept the bids for connection, even if it’s your parther showing you a pic on their phone or a quick smile. And, physically turn toward your partner. This is true for parenting too. It’s send the message of “I’m interested in you.” and “You are important to me.” This is a biggie.
Gottman Research provides us with 4 predictors of divorce or an unhappy relationship and their antidotes, aka 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
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| 26 Nov 2022 | 99. ADHD Realities From a Personal and Clinical Perspective with Leslie Doctor | 00:26:37 | |
Leslie Doctor joins me in St. Louis Missouri at the Association for Play Therapy Conference to talk about ADHD. She is so fun. And, so very AUTHENTIC!
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| 02 Nov 2017 | 62: Understanding the Role of a School Counselor with Stacy Van Horn, PhD | 00:36:22 | |
Dr. Stacy Van Horn is currently a full-time faculty member and School Counseling Coordinator at the University of Central Florida in the Counselor Education and School Psychology Program within the Department of Child, Family and Community Sciences. She teaches graduate students at both the masters and doctoral level primarily in the areas of career development, counseling with children and adolescents, ethical and legal issues in professional school counseling, and coordination of comprehensive, developmental school counseling programs. She also supervises practicum students in the Community Counseling and Research Clinic (CCRC) on campus and school counseling interns throughout Central Florida schools. Prior to her position as a Counselor Educator, Dr. Van Horn worked as a professional school counselor for over nine years in Orange County Public Schools working with diverse students, teachers, and families in Central Florida. Dr. Van Horn has experience in creating and coordinating comprehensive, developmental school counseling programs at both the elementary and middle school level. In addition, she has experience collaborating with exceptional education school personnel on developing strategies and counseling approaches for exceptional education students. Her current research interests include training and supervision of professional school counselors, counseling interventions with diverse children and adolescents, and the role of professional school counselors in providing effective career development in schools. Dr. Van Horn has presented at national, regional, state, and local counseling conferences, including American Counseling Association, Association for Specialists Prior to her position as a Counselor Educator, Dr. Van Horn worked as a professional school counselor for over nine years in Orange County Public Schools working with diverse students, teachers, and families in Central Florida. Dr. Van Horn has experience in creating and coordinating comprehensive, developmental school counseling programs at both the elementary and middle school level. In addition, she has experience collaborating with exceptional education school personnel on developing strategies and counseling approaches for exceptional education students. Her current research interests include training and supervision of professional school counselors, counseling interventions with diverse children and adolescents, and the role of professional school counselors in providing effective career development in schools. Dr. Van Horn has presented at national, regional, state, and local counseling conferences, including American Counseling Association, Association for Specialists for Group Work, American School Counseling Association, the Southern Association for Counselor Education and Supervision, Florida Counseling Association, the Florida School Counselor Association, and invited presenter at the Florida Association for Gifted Children.
School Counselors have a unique role within the school setting. A school counselor works as a vital part of a team and stakeholders.
Learn More about Dr. Van Horn at UCF http://education.ucf.edu/faculty_detail.cfm?id=591 Association for School Counselors, ASCA https://www.schoolcounselor.org Jackie’s Play Therapy Community www.playtherapycommunity.com Jackie’s Private Practice www.counselinginbrevard.com Jackie’s Consulting Support www.jackieflynnconsulting.com | |||
| 09 May 2017 | 56: Understanding Suicide Pacts and Social Media | 00:32:35 | |
My guest today is Dr. Jonathan Singer, Ph. D., LCSW, who is an expert in the area of suicide. He is an Associate Professor of Social Work at Loyola University in Chicago and the founder and host of The Social Work podcast. He co-authored the book, Suicide in Schools. This episode focuses on suicide pacts and the social media component and is the second piece of a two-part series.
Resources: Find Jackie and the Play Therapy Community on Facebook: Look for Play Therapy Community or Jackie Flynn Play Therapy Community.
Find Jackie on Twitter @jackieflynnrpt
Suicide in Schools by Dr. Jonathan Singer
Join the Play Therapy Community Mastermind group - www.playtherapycommunity.com/mastermind
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| 06 Dec 2021 | 82. 3 Tips for Child Therapists to Manage Stress | 00:29:20 | |
Join me in conversation with Jen Taylor, Lisa Dion and Clair Mellenthin as we discusss their Anchoring in the Storm event in California to help manage stress and navigate the autonomic nervous system. | |||
| 06 Apr 2017 | 50: When Your Child Makes a Mistake | 00:26:38 | |
Episode 50, When Your Child Makes a Mistake In This Episode: Mistakes are part of our humanness. They are bound to happen from time to time. In fact, they need to happen for us to grow. For our kids, allowing them to make mistakes can make all of the difference. As parents, it is helpful to allow our children’s mistakes to teach them about life. It can be difficult, though. Especially, if you are in a rush and you need to get out of the door for school (okay this can be tough!), you may be tempted to just tie their shoes yourself, or dress them yourself, or make the bed yourself so it’s not so messy, or stick with the food that they are comfortable with ... the list can go on and on talking about how we’re busy and we don’t want to cause a scene and how everyone benefits, if we choose leads you down a path of least resistance. I know some of these because I’ve been there. Parenting can be exhausting and feel defeating sometimes. I’m not saying you need to never help your kid again. But rather, grasp those opportunities to learn and grow from messes and mistakes when possible. If you are in a rut of doing everything for your child, give own self-permission to be human. Small tweaks over the course of time can make all the difference. With a positive attitude. .. and lots of EMPATHY. It may sound something like this, “It must’ve been really hard to have done your project and then not have it in class. I know how hard you worked on it.” Beware of the temptation for sarcasm here. If you connect with your child in an empathic way that leaves them feeling like “my mom or my dad gets it. I’m not gonna let this happen again.” “When the student is ready, the teacher will teach.” – Zig Ziglar When children are allowed to make mistakes and learn from their experience, the cognitions (aka “thoughts”) that are embedded in their self-perception are I am capable, I am competent, I can do difficult things, It's okay to try, as well as several other helpful ways to feel. The only people that make mistakes are the ones that don’t try. Some opportunities to make mistakes are to learn how to tie shoes, make lunches, forget homework, lose a friend due to behavior, and a gazillion other ways. One of the huge benefits of making mistakes, especially for children, is that they get a chance to hone and develop their problem-solving skills. Think of it like muscles – how will they ever get strong if you don’t use them, or, if you let them lay dormant for a while. Letting our children make mistakes is actually a HUGE gift to them. Remember, as we raise these small human beings that we refer to as our kids, we are given opportunities to help them be the best that they can be. So rushing their homework or lunch to school that they forgot or allowing them to sit in front of the video games all weekend disconnected from family and life because they’ve had a difficult week, is not helping them at all. It actually hinders them. I’ve told the butterfly story before, but I’m going to mention it here too because it is so related. I first heard this story in my Child Parent Relationship Therapy training. So, as Mrs. Frizzle used to say in the Magic School Bus episodes... “Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy.” This will allow your children to dare to dream and actually have the confidence and courage to follow their dreams.
For Therapists – Join Play Therapy Community ™ with Jackie to learn more... Launching Soon!
http://liferecoveryconsulting.com/ Below Are Some Affiliate Links to Books/Products That I Love
Jackie’s Favorite Labryinths (Discounted Price) Weighted Blankets by Mosaic
If you’d like to connect with me, I offer consultation and parent coaching support. Just email me at jackie@jackieflynnconsulting.com or at my private practice at jackie@counselinginbrevard.com
Find a Play Therapist Near You
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting From Birth to Six Years Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual: A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for Training Parentshttps://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingintherain/
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