Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids (Courtney DeFeo and Christian Parenting)

As we’re kicking off the new year, it’s a perfect time to evaluate what’s working well in our parenting, and what may need a few tweaks. It’s being intentional in asking God to reveal what he wants our families to be about, and ensuring we’re doing the things that will make this happen. 

Pastor Andy Stanley and his wife Sandra are here to talk about all of this and more. Having grown children, they have an amazing perspective on figuring out what your “it” is in parenting, and charting the course accordingly. 

I can’t tell you how much I love the part of our conversation where we discuss the dangers of letting our ego impact our parenting. And then there is a good reminder that our behavior—not our words—has the greatest impact on our kids. Yikes! 

Don’t miss this and so much more from Andy and Sandra Stanley. Happy New Year!

Resources from today's show: 

Parenting: Getting It Right by Andy and Sandra Stanley

Many years ago I trained and ran a half marathon. The end. (Not really, but kind of.) 

In doing so I learned a whole lot about what it takes to build endurance so that you can run the race well. I also learned a lot about chafing—but I digress. 

The Christian life is like a marathon in that it requires significant endurance if we’re going to make it through the obstacles we face along the way. Having endurance in the context of our faith means we’re always in training mode, getting ready for the hard places of discouragement and suffering that will challenge our readiness for the race. 

Practically speaking, we build up endurance by staying true to the basics: things like spending daily time with God, finding Christian community, memorizing Scripture, and seeking discipleship. 

This week, we’re praying for our kids to run their spiritual races with endurance. We’re praying that they keep their eyes on Jesus, setting aside anything that weighs them down or keeps them from running effectively. 

Take a quick moment to listen today and pray with me, and enjoy a few insights into my short stint as a “runner.” 

This week we’re praying for godly families. More specifically, we’re praying for our families to be built on the foundation of Jesus. In Psalm 127, Solomon very pointedly reminds us that even our best work and greatest successes are nothing if the Lord isn’t in them. 

The key to building godly families comes in the day by day and week by week decisions of choosing Jesus instead of chasing after earthly success, financial gain, and the other things this world so often points us to. 

Jesus talked about building our foundation on rock so that the storms of life won’t destroy our homes. Let’s pray today for our families to be storm-proof so that we can share the gospel effectively to a world so desperately needing the good news. 

Can’t wait to pray with you this week!

In this with you,

Cynthia Yanof | Pardon the Mess 

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual guidance to help you grow into the perfectly imperfect parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Sometimes we confuse spiritual health with mental health, assuming they are one in the same when that’s often far from the truth. Knowing this, it seems appropriate to take a little deeper dive into our emotional health with Licensed Professional Counselor, Debra Fileta.

We cover a lot of ground today with topics like: ways to take inventory of our mental health, when spiritual answers don’t address our mental health issues, the importance of modeling emotional health with our kids, training our kids to identify their emotions, recognizing our kids’ default emotion and investigating the deeper issue.

And please don’t miss Debra’s advice on preparing our kids for dating relationships, the frequent pitfalls they may face, and resources we can use to navigate the dating years.

Here’s to a show addressing the very important mental and emotional health issues facing all parents!

We had the great privilege of taking Pardon the Mess on the road to Nashville recently. We can’t wait for you to hear from all of the great guests who joined us live to talk about parenting, their walk with the Lord, and all the good and hard places of raising kids.

To kick off our Nashville series, we start with none other than the multi-platinum-selling, Grammy-nominated, seven-Dove-Award-winning artist Jaci Velasquez.

Jaci released her first album at the age of sixteen and found sudden fame. She became the first and fastest-selling solo artist in Christian music history to reach gold status with a debut album.

But despite all the successes in her life, she’s also walked some hard roads in her career and personal life that she shares with us today. She’s married to Nic, and they’re raising two sons, Zealand and Soren. Jaci speaks candidly about the joys and hardships of raising her son Zealand, who has autism. She also has a great word for all of us about the joy in watching God rescript our lives. 

Jaci Velasquez

Book: When God Rescripts Your Life

Mark Batterson is back, and I’m slightly giddy. 

You know how much I love his books, and when I tell you this conversation brought me new life . . . well, it’s true. I have a notecard on my desk at this very moment with some of my favorite quotes from today’s conversation titled “Batterson bullet points.” 

Pastor Mark reminds us that if God can do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), we’re actually honoring him by praying bold prayers and trusting in faith for his answer. You’re going to love hearing how God has been answering the bold prayers of his church, which most recently has included buying property on Capitol Hill he only dreamed of years ago. 

Lastly, Pastor Mark shares the three words he believes are the greatest predictors of our success in life: please, sorry, and thanks. He’s so sure of the significance of these words that he wrote an entire book on their importance. Lots of practical life and parenting advice you won’t want to miss today. 

Resources from today's show: 

Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything by Mark Batterson

The Best Worst Day Ever by Mark and Summer Batterson 

Winnie The Early Years

Every Parent Wants to Know: A Christian Parenting Digital Event

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

As we continue our “New Year, New You” series this January, we’ve covered topics related to our physical health, emotional health, and finances.

This week, we’re talking about marriage, and I don’t know of a better person to talk to about this important but oftentimes difficult subject. Today, we’ve got Lysa TerKeurst!

Lysa is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She’s married to her husband, Art, and they have five grown children. They live in Nashville, and Lysa is passionate about helping others experience Jesus by working through Scripture in the truest and most responsible way that everyone can understand.

Lysa shares vulnerably about her marriage and finding out about her husband’s infidelity and substance abuse. Living through that and seeing God restore her marriage, she encourages us in the hard places in marriage.

What we talk about:

• Acknowledging that the Enemy is attacking marriages and seeks to isolate us
• The importance of marriage check-ins with our spouse
• It’s okay to be disappointed in our marriage but the importance of redefining disappointment
• Why we all need counseling in combination with exercising discernment
• How to trust the Lord in the times when you can’t see his hand

She’s practical, she’s wise, and she gives us lots to consider in our marriages! Take time to listen to Lysa TerKeurst on Pardon the Mess and share it with your friends!

Priscilla Shirer is a wife, Bible teacher, mom, actress and so much more. There’s so much to love about Priscilla, but what always sticks with me is the way she speaks so freely and powerfully about her faith while also practically reminding us of what really matters as we go about our days. 

Priscilla and I had the opportunity to talk about her life as she raises her three boys and how she builds them up with statements of affirmation. She reminds us that living in a place of knowing our true identity in Christ means that all of our decisions come from the truth. When we do that, it shifts how we live our lives.  

We also get to hear about her new movie, Overcomer,and the companion book, Radiant, which speaks to women about identity. Priscilla tells us why she continues to act although she often feels ill-equipped.

Whatever you do, don’t miss the last few minutes as she talks honestly about the difficulties her family has faced the last year and gives us words of encouragement when we walk hard roads of loss and discouragement.

Links for today's podcast:

Overcomer Movie

Radiant 

Going Beyond Ministries

Well, it makes perfect sense that I have a minor cryfest on this episode. In this conversation with Jennie Allen, we dive into our feelings and emotions and what to do with those.  You may have many feelings (like myself) or you may lean towards suppressing your emotions. Either way, we ALL have emotions and it’s important to understand how we handle those as faith-filled parents. 

I get super teary as we talk about our mutual friend, Wynter Pitts, and how her death really sent me for a loop. In that season, I felt grief like I never had before and wasn’t sure what to do with that. Jennie is the real deal as you will see. She pauses in the midst of the interview to affirm my grief and why that loss hurt so much. 

My favorite part is towards the end when we discuss how often our emotions get tangled up with our kids. When they hurt, we really hurt. She gives a couple practical ways we can avoid getting pulled into their worlds so far that we risk co-dependence. 

Don’t miss this episode! Learn more about…

• Why do we fear our emotions and avoid leaning into them?
• What do you do when you feel something?
• How to handle emotions when you’re an emotional mess or love to suppress?
• How do we care for our kids without going down emotionally every time?

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

Jennie’s new book, Untangle Your Emotions

JennieAllen.com

LifePlan with Brooke Warnock 

Wynter’s Funeral

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)

Godly friends make us better, not out of shame or peer pressure, but out of a desire to see us faithful to God and pursuing his will for our lives. Godly friends know that God wants more for us than what the world has to offer, and so they will push us in that direction when we start to veer from the path.

Who our kids hang out with is important, iron sharpens iron and bad company corrupts character (1 Corinthians 15:33). Godly friends will help our kids grow in their faith and keep them accountable. Ungodly friends will bring them further and further from God’s truth.

So this week, let’s pray that our kids will be surrounded by true, godly friends and be a light to the friends around them who don’t know Jesus.

Jesus, I pray that ______________ surrounds 

themselves with friends who know and love you. I pray they would encourage each other in faith, hold each other accountable, and that their friendships would draw them closer to you. Where there is conflict, may they be quick to show forgiveness, just as you forgave us. May _____________ be a light to those around them, always showing what a godly friend is. Amen.

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

On any given day there’s a million things we could potentially tell our kids to do or not do. Some of those things are routine like do your best work or don’t touch your brother. But then there’s the things that one day come spilling out of your mouth that nobody ever warned you about. Like “you have to wear underwear to ride your bike.” 

True story, sadly. 😂

Today we’re reading Psalm 37 and a few of King David’s “dos” and “don’ts” for biblical living. There’s great application as we pray for our kids to do the things that point them to Jesus and let go of the things that don’t.

If you’re looking for biblical life hacks, this week’s prayer time is just what you need! 

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

When it comes to parenting, working, praying, exercising—come to think of it, in most things—I find myself constantly running on empty. And I have a feeling I’m not alone.

We’re living in a time when it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and impatient. Thankfully, we have a Savior who wants us to live with freedom and peace. And he wants it so badly that he selflessly died so we might have abundant life. Don’t miss that truth—it’s life changing when you truly live in the freedom of it.

Pastor, author, and podcaster, Levi Lusko, joins us on Pardon the Mess to discuss our need to confront the pain, loss, and darkness in our lives. Only in acknowledging these hard places, can we find the complete peace and healing the Lord offers. More than that, God is faithful to use these hard places to do great things with our imperfect progress. There’s some hope we can all use today.

I always love having Levi on the podcast because he’s completely transparent and authentic. Today, he shares how his need for productivity became an idol. He also discusses how he battles with feelings of inadequacy as a father.

If for no other reason, don’t miss today’s podcast to hear me share one of my most embarrassing podcast moments. Sadly, it happened in an interview with Levi earlier this year. 

Bless my heart.

Thanks for listening. I can’t wait to hear how you’re encouraged to “take back your life.”

When you hear the word joy, what comes to your mind? 

I’m guessing your answer is more profound than mine since I instantly start humming that old VBS song “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. Where?” 

Anyone else with me? 

This week we’re praying for our kids to experience joy in their lives. It seems especially important when considering how deeply our kids’ generation struggles with anxiety and depression. 

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 30:5 that says, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” What a wonderful reminder that no matter what we’re facing in this season, there is still joy to be found on the other side of it. 

Let’s take a few minutes today to consider how thankfulness, hope in Jesus, and even walking through places of suffering are pivotal to joy in our kids’ lives.

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

When my son was about five-years-old he repeatedly urged me to say no to “rugs.” I was perplexed at his stance against floor coverings until I realized he was referring to drugs. Apparently he misunderstood a well-intentioned friends' advice on avoiding drug use—and it still makes me laugh today. But I digress. 

This week is red-ribbon week in public schools and the perfect time for us to talk about the tough subject of drugs and addiction in our kids. Richard Capriola has great wisdom in this area from his work as a mental health and addiction counselor the last two decades, most recently at the Menninger Clinic in Houston.  

Here are some of the important topics we cover in today’s show: 

• The drug(s) of choice for our teens today
• Signs of drugs and alcohol use in our kids
• What to do if you suspect drug/alcohol use in your child
• The difference in clinical addictions and process addictions
• Warning signs of self-harm
• Treatment options
• Encouragement for parents who are walking through addiction with their kids

Please take time to listen to this important topic. If you’re like me, you may feel like it’s not relevant to your kids today or even that it’s a heavy subject you would rather avoid. But we don’t know what we don’t know about the future and who may need us to be knowledgeable in this area. So let’s do it together.

Check out The Addicted Child book by Richard Capriola.

Today is Opening Day for baseball, and in my baseball-crazy family, that makes today a big day!  

In honor of this momentous occasion, we’ve got the perfect show for you with baseball-great Darryl Strawberry.

Darryl has an amazing testimony of addiction, redemption, marriage struggles, and cancer. He shares some very practical principles that have changed his life, things like weathering trials with hope, nurturing godly friendships, and always believing in the power of prayer. 

And, of course, we also get some interesting behind-the-scenes scoop on his time in the Major Leagues and some amazing baseball moments. 

Incidentally, Darryl Strawberry is one of my husband Mike’s all-time favorite players, making it only right for me to ask Mike to join me on this show; however, in a strange turn of events, Mike actually relieved me of my duties and ran with the interview himself. 😂

Don’t miss today’s show with Darryl Strawberry and Mike Yanof talking all things Jesus, MLB, and allowing God to transform our missteps into ministry.

It may be hard to believe that one of the greatest Christian apologists of our time grew up in a home with an alcoholic father, suffered sexual abuse as a child, and made it his life’s goal to disprove Christianity in college. 

It’s clear that the only explanation for Josh McDowell’s incredible impact is the Lord’s hand.

What a great honor it is to have him with us on Pardon the Mess today. His work with Campus Crusade, as well as his books, have had a tremendous impact on my own life, and I know so many of you feel the same way. 

Josh talks with us about the importance of teaching our kids how to defend their faith because a faith without conviction will not be sustainable in this culture. He walks us through the practical steps of addressing their hard questions while keeping an open dialogue in our conversations. 

But I think my favorite part of the interview is when Josh shared this truth he’s learned over his many years of mentoring college kids through Campus Crusade: rules without relationship leads to rebellion.

We can all chew on that for a good while. 

Josh McDowell has addressed more than 46 million people, giving talks in 139 countries. He’s written or co-authored over 150 books, including More than a Carpenter, with over 27 million copies distributed, and Evidence that Demands a Verdict, which was named one of the twentieth century’s top forty books. 

Today he’s with us, and you don’t want to miss this opportunity to hear his wisdom.

Hey Friends,

I often get questions on books I would recommend for our kids and honestly, more often than not, I draw a blank. 

That’s why today’s bonus episodes of Pardon the Mess are dedicated to some of our very favorite authors and the children’s books they have written. These are books you can trust and your kids will love. Below you’ll find overviews of the books as well as links to the podcasts where we get the behind the scenes scoop with the authors. 

Let’s start with our younger kids (ages 4 to 8) and a conversation I had with Tricia Goyer and Amy Parker about their wonderful book, The Grumbles: A Story about Gratitude. Gratitude is a much needed quality in our kids, and this book (and our conversation below) provides great reminders for summertime.

Another great book for our littles is Claire and Anna Avidon’s, I Can Do Hard Things. These two ladies chat with us about refinement, perseverance, and encouraging our kids to take the hard road when God calls us to it. 

For our older kids (think ages 8-12), there’s a great devotional by Sarah Humphrey and Amy Parker called Solomon Says Devotional: 100 Days of Wisdom from the World’s Wisest King. Based on Solomon’s life, the book offers amazing lessons on peer pressure, finding your voice, living in confidence, and so much more. Sarah gives lots of wisdom in our conversation, so don't miss it. 

My last recommendation in this bonus episode is for girls ages 8-12, and it’s all about friendships. The ladies from The Ruth Experience remind us of our need for deep friendships  and the importance of being present, not setting up artificial boundaries, and being willing to invite others into our lives. Their book, 100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls is a great one for helping our girls navigate friendships. 

I hope these resources are a huge help to you! Grab a book and guide your kiddos well this summer. 

Resources from today's show: 

The Grumbles: A Story about Gratitude by Tricia Goyer and Amy Parker. 

I can do hard things by Anna Avidon and Claire Avidon. 

Solomon Says Devotional: 100 Days of Wisdom from the World’s Wisest King by Sarah Humphrey and Amy Parker 

100 Daily Acts of Friendship for Girls: A Devotional by Julie Fisk, Kendra Roehl, and Kristin Demery. 

“A holy life will produce the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns, they only shine.” —D. L. Moody

That’ll preach, right? 

This week, we’re praying that our kids are marked by light. 

In a year full of profound uncertainty and anxiety, our culture desperately needs to hear the gospel message that Jesus loved us to the point of death so that we might live forever. 

That’s the message of truth and the light we were created to shine. 

On Pardon the Mess this week, we will consider how what we do in private allows us to shine light in public. 

And, as we continue looking at Nehemiah’s life, we will see that mourning what God mourns is a great starting place for sharing the gospel. 

“Lighthouses blow no horns, they only shine.” 

I’m praying that same thing for our families.

“The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one’s life.” —C. S. Lewis

The Lord uses people for his kingdom purposes who are willing to let go of their own agenda and go with his. To trade in their own personal security for something bigger than they can accomplish on their own. He uses those who live interruptible lives.

Many of the disciples were asked to literally lay down their fishing nets in order to walk with Jesus. Jesus knew that, only when they were willing to walk away from their own plans, he could lead them on the journey of a lifetime with the message of eternity.

At his very core, Jesus wants his people to have a deep connection with him. Through this deep connection, he’s able to lead us to places we otherwise would not go.

We will have nets to lay down if we’re going to follow Jesus—and so will our kids.

Praying for our kids to live interruptible lives is an interesting prayer when we know personally how frustrating it is to be interrupted. It’s not easy, but it’s right.

Let’s pray this week that our kids have a heart for God’s calling in their lives and that they will be willing to lay down their nets every day in order to follow their Savior.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”                                 
—Isaiah 55:8–9

You had me at hello, Jennie Allen! 

Too much? 

Probably so, but let’s just stop right now and say that our conversation today on friendship (and the lies surrounding it) is amazing. Coming from a place of starting over in her own world, Jennie shares what she now knows about friendships and what they are, what they aren’t, and what impedes us from the God-given deep connection we so desperately need. 

Here are some of the great topics we discuss when it comes to finding your people:

• The different roles our friendships play
• What to look for in friends
• Putting yourself out there
• Choosing a fire pit over Netflix 
• Noticing who is already around you
• Decisions in our careers, neighborhoods, and family that impacts friendships

Jennie’s book is out this week and you need a copy! 

Don’t miss this much-needed conversation on the importance of our friendships and reminders that finding community is not impossible with a little bit of intentionality. 

Resources from today's show: 

Noteworthy for Kids

FIND YOUR PEOPLE: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

Please tell me you’ve heard of the Bible Recap!

If not, get ready for some good ole’ fashioned indoctrination today with Tara-Leigh Cobble, the founder of the Bible Recap. She’s passionate about helping people not only read through the whole Bible, but love it in the process.

Tara-Leigh shares her personal story of being in full-time ministry for years before someone challenged her to read through the entire Bible. Only then did she start to feel God’s complete presence in her life and begin writing the commentary that’s the basis of the Bible Recap.

There’s so much I want you to hear in today’s podcast, but here are a few highlights: why it’s important (and do-able) for every one of us to read through the Bible, how using the right lens changes how we experience God’s word, common mistakes in reading the Bible, how 12 minutes a day can be life changing for scripture-starved believers, and incorporating scripture into the lives of our families.

If you’ve never read through the whole Bible—or maybe you’ve started (and ended) in Genesis more times than you care to discuss—may I please implore you to join Tara-Leigh and so many of us on the Bible Recap journey? You won’t regret it.

Each time I'm given the incredible blessing of talking to Christine Caine, drinking from a firehose comes to mind. She brings wisdom and encouragement like no one else. And she does it with flair in her trademark high-impact, warp speed style. 

Today’s conversation is no exception. Here are a few of the nuggets with which you will walk away after listening to Christine on Pardon the Mess: 

• How making our “what ifs” into “even ifs” brings calm in the storms of life.
• The importance of making what you know about God bigger than what you don’t know about the future.
• The peace we gain from viewing our current crisis through an eternal lens.

Christine Caine is an Australian-born, Greek-blooded, lover of Jesus. She is an activist, author, and international speaker. And she is the founder of a global anti-human trafficking organization, The A21 Campaign, alongside her husband, Nick. She’s one of the great female evangelists of our day.

I’m thrilled to have Christine on our show. Get ready for a good dose of truth, encouragement, and a few good laughs. Don’t miss this one!

Body image is a topic that has major implications in our lives, yet we tend to avoid talking about it because it’s so personal and oftentimes sensitive. 

I’m so thankful my friend Rachael Gilbert is bravely speaking into these body image issues through her new book, Image Restored. She addresses our most common body image pitfalls and, as a licensed counselor and mom, comes at it both professionally and practically. 

Here’s a few of the topics we cover:

• Signs we’re dealing with body image concerns that need addressing

• Core beliefs impacting our body image

• Ways to reframe our body image biblically

• Current health trends that are red flags for healthy body image

• Parenting healthy body image with our kids 

I hope you’ll take a few minutes to listen to this important conversation today. I also pray each of us will ask the Lord to reveal the places in our lives where we need to reframe our attitudes towards our bodies, not only for our own benefit but also for our families.   

Resources from today's show: 

Image Restored by Rachael Gilbert

imagerestoredbook.com

Every Parent Wants to Know: A Christian Parenting Digital Event

When I Talk to God, I Talk about You

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual guidance to help you grow into the perfectly imperfect parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Welcome to week 1 of our Summer of Stories series! For the next 10 weeks, you will hear one powerful story after another. We are featuring 10 stories of incredible moms that have endured significant challenges. Through these stories, we pray you will remember that God is faithful and always with you through life’s most challenging moments.

Today’s guest is my dear friend, Joy Phenix, who bravely shares her journey of losing her amazing son. Her story of loss and indescribable grief is so very hard to hear but oddly peaceful and sacred. 

My favorite part is when she encourages us to be a student of others’ grief journey. Every single person grieves at different times and in different ways. We cannot judge our friends or family members on that journey. This takes patience and grace and understanding. 

This episode is for anyone walking in grief - not just the loss of a child. All of us have seasons of tragedy and unthinkable hard times. We want to know how to trust God again and how to move forward in the midst of the pain. Joy will touch your heart in a profound way. I am deeply thankful for her willingness to share her story to help others. 

In this episode we chat about: 

• How to endure the indescribable journey of losing a child
• How we can help and support friends in their grief 
• How to remember each person grieves differently and at unique times
• How to normalize talking about grief through the process 

00:00

Introduction and Catching Up

09:16

The Power of Community in Times of Loss

15:30

Finding Hope and Healing Through Faith

28:25

Cherishing Memories and Finding Healing

34:38

Vulnerability and Trust in Difficult Times

Enjoy!

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

Josh’s Celebration Service

Joy’s Instagram

Body Keeps The Score

We say this often, but parenting is one of the greatest blessings and one of the greatest challenges. There are really hard places in parenting that are much easier to avoid rather than address head-on. 

Suicide is one of those topics. 

It’s emotional, it’s scary, and it’s easy to feel inadequate when it comes to talking about it. That said, the CDC lists suicide as the second-leading cause of death in children and young adults between the ages of ten and twenty-four. We can’t afford to gloss over a topic so pervasive in our youth. 

This statistic has become more than a number in recent days as we have seen family after family impacted by suicide in our community. Many of you have asked us to consider entering the conversation and to provide biblical guidance and resources.

We heard you, and today we are doing just that by providing a special edition of content focused on suicide. 

Our prayer is that these resources are helpful as you consider the topic of suicide. However, we are not a substitute for professional help. If you are struggling (or anyone around you is), please get the help you need and deserve. 

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is (800)273-8255. 

Raise your hand if you’re overwhelmed in some area of your life. 

My fairly unscientific poll indicates that 9 out of 10 of us raised our hands. (And I’m guessing the rest of you thought the question was rhetorical. 😂)

If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by finances, family issues, parenting, and everything in between. The stress and anxiety that comes with being overwhelmed is not how God intended for us (or our kids) to live. 

My sweet friend Kay Wyma joins us today with reminders of the many names of Jesus and how they speak to our deepest needs. We consider Psalm 55 and David’s advice to “cast” our cares to Jesus. Not just hold on to the problem and pray, or half-heartedly toss it aside but still worry about it all week. No, David says to literally throw our hardest places towards God and then wait for him to faithfully respond. And so that’s what we are praying for in our own lives and for our kids. 

It’s always a great day when Kay Wyma is with us so take a few minutes and join us! 

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

The Israelites were trapped with seemingly no way out. The Egyptian army was fast approaching from behind. In front, they faced the unpassable waters of the Red Sea. 

In frustration, they cried out to God, asking why he would allow this desperate situation and questioning if he really cared about them. 

And then Moses answered with twelve words of truth: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14).

These twelve words are as relevant for us in the middle of a pandemic as they were centuries ago to a flailing nation with its back against the wall.  

Singer, songwriter, and author Ellie Holcomb joins me today to talk about suffering and what this passage has meant to her in the seasons of struggle. We talk about knowing God better in the middle of hard times and how God’s word is our defense when we feel trapped and helpless. 

My favorite part of our talk with Ellie is her reminder that suffering never has the final word in our life because Jesus is coming back. He alone has and is the final word. 

Ellie is a sweet, sweet spirit who will encourage you as she shares vulnerably about balancing faith, family, and the work God has called her to accomplish. She also has a great word for parenting with intentionality, even when our days can seem very mundane and ordinary. And, let’s be honest, there are lots of mundane moments these days as we spend hours upon hours with our kids in a time of social distancing. 

My prayer is that you will be encouraged today, in the midst of struggling, knowing that God is for us.

We need only to be still.

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (Psalm 119:9 NIV).

This week we’re praying that our kids are marked by purity in their lives. 

The idea of raising pure kids in an impure culture can feel like an impossibly tall order as parents. We sometimes mistakenly make purity a goal our kids must achieve, staying away from certain things or even keeping on a prescribed path until the finish line of marriage.

But purity is not an accomplishment—it’s a relationship, as Dan Martin of Pure Hope Ministries shares with us on today’s podcast. 

It’s a relationship with Jesus, who comes to redeem us from the sin of this world and purify us to himself (Titus 2:14). He cleanses us and makes us new creations. He gives hope that is everlasting and brings healing when we fall short.

Join me in praying for our kids to have purity in their physical relationships, in the way they dress, in the motivation behind their actions, in their pursuit of Jesus, and in the music and media that fill their minds. 

Let’s also pray that when they fall short, they know that the Lord stands ready to forgive them and give them a new beginning. 

It’s that time of year when we start thinking about resolutions. Or at least we start thinking about the fact that we aren’t making resolutions this year.

Either way, I think it’s natural to take a step back over the next few days to evaluate where we are in life and what we want to continue doing and/or the places we want to make some adjustments.

It’s also the perfect time to start praying for our kids to know their purpose this year (and all the years to come).

I’m so happy to have Craig Denison with us today to talk about the concept of knowing our purpose and why we pray that over our kids. 

Craig and I drill down on what our true purpose is in the Lord and how we can pray that for our families. Take a minute to listen to our podcast, and then, as we approach January, pray that your children seek God’s greater purpose for their lives this year, not allowing the mundane things of life to trump the mission he has anointed for them.

Happy New Year, and I look forward to walking the parenting road together in 2020!

If you’re anything like me, the word “influencer” tends to leave a bad taste in your mouth. In this day and age of social media born superstars, it’s easy to discount our influence and feel like we can’t change lives because we don’t have the right platform, title, or following. 

But this week we’re taking a deep dive into this idea of influence and praying for our kids to realize that no matter who they are or how they spend their days, they have the opportunity to be a difference-maker for the kingdom.  

In a world that thrives on self-promotion and living in excess, let’s lay down those things and pray for ways our families can raise up others. Luke reminds us that “to whom much is given, much will be required” (Luke 12:48). Let’s use what we have well and point others to Jesus. 

Can’t wait to pray with you!

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

If you are a parent, you know the feeling of just “making it through” each day. So often, we want more for our lives. However, we feel stuck and are not sure how to do that when there are children depending on us every day.

My guest this week, Farrell Mason, shares about a time when she felt that her life was running her ragged. She decided to do something about how she lived her one precious life. She took action to create a more soulful life in the midst of raising six kids. Farrell Mason is a minister, a mom, a wife and a beautiful writer. She has a passion for standing with others in the midst of their hardest moments in life.  

My favorite part is towards the end when Farrell offers very practical suggestions on how to love others well. She is so passionate about caring for yourself as a mom, but also leaning into simple ways we can care for our neighbors. You won’t feel guilt or more pressure to perform - you will feel seen and inspired to lean into more for your life.

In this episode we chat about: 

• How to live this one life well
• How to push against busy and impossibly full schedules
• How to pay attention to what your soul craves 
• How to help your hurting friends 

Enjoy!

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

Farrell’s Site - Bread and Honey

Farrell’s new book: Soulfull

Come Home

Chapters:

00:00

Introduction and Connection

09:50

Living a Full Life and the Importance of Time

16:22

Commitment to Intentional Living

32:21

Finding Hope in Difficult Times

Michael W. Smith joins us to talk about family, loving your spouse well, focusing on what really matters in raising kids, and slowing down by prioritizing what’s important in our lives. You will love hearing about his heart behind creating a new children’s lullaby album. Oh, and we even talked about his friendship with Billy Graham and singing at Reverend Graham’s funeral.

Get the encouragement and trusted guidance you need to raise your kids in the uncompromised truth of God’s word— directly to your inbox each week!

Raising children on solid, biblical truth in a fast-changing world.

CONNECT WITH OUR COMMUNITY

Facebook // Twitter // Instagram //

Do you have a brand you love in your house? My girls have been obsessed with all the beautiful jewelry pieces of enewton for many years. I am always intrigued when I see a mom running a massive business. My hunch was that Eizabeth Newton was a faithful, generous and fun CEO. I learned that she is even more than that!

Elizabeth shares her story of raising triplets (and a 2-year-old) in the beginning years of enewton. She shares about her passion for generosity and how that has stayed with the company through the incredible growth and expansion. She also shares some practical ways that you can involve your kids in your business while prioritizing your family above all.

She offers so many nuggets of parenting wisdom through our chat, but I really loved her parting words for us. She encourages us to “show up and give yourself grace.” I know I needed that reminder as a mom that is trying so hard to get it right. We are doing better than we think. Keep giving it your best and give yourself loads of grace! 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Juggling business and kids
• Starting a business with triplets
• Instilling faith practically in her home 
• Conflict, comparison and celebration as siblings 
• Raising independent kids 

Enjoy !

Courtney 

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and shared connections

03:18 Having fun and not taking oneself too seriously

05:28 Parenting triplets and starting a business

08:54 The growth of enewton and giving back

12:49 Prioritizing presence and grace

15:35 Creating lasting memories and prioritizing what matters

18:08 Incorporating ministry into work and family life

20:24 Celebrating others and teaching independence

25:37 Showing up for your children and giving yourself grace

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

enewton

enewton Instagram

Flourishing Families

Read Again and Again Bible Storybooks

Christian Parenting store

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

I played in a band growing up. 

Okay, so it wasn’t so much “a” band as “the” band. I played the clarinet and—if I’m honest—I felt pretty good about it until I hit high school. The first time I saw my sporty friends head off to their games, dressed in cute uniforms, I became keenly aware that my elective of choice was lacking in the cool department. There I was, left behind holding my plume (you young kids google the plume and you’ll understand my woes). 

While practicing with 200+ other band members, I learned some great lessons on the hash marks of the football field. The lesson that has stuck with me the most is this: the greatest success in a marching band performance is achieved when the individual band member is completely unnoticed.

As we raise kids in a culture basking in recognition and praise, it’s counterintuitive to teach our kids the value of going unnoticed. It’s not that they aren’t gifted and called to use their talents for God’s glory, but it’s our job to teach them to be willing to do so in a way that draws attention to the giver of the gift rather than the gift itself. 

Jesus is the perfect model of humility. He came to earth in the form of a baby and lived a blameless life so that he could die on the cross and give us new life. He more than deserved recognition and acknowledgement for his heavenly status, yet he chose to demonstrate humility because he was sold out to his Father’s will and the bigger picture of the gospel. 

Join me and my dear friend, Julie Hildebrand, today as we talk about the important but difficult task of raising humble kids. And as we consider what humility really means this week, let the wisdom of Rick Warren sink in: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” 

What are some things you wish you would have learned earlier in your Christian walk? 

I can think of so many, but I find myself wanting my kids to figure out early on that knowing about God isn’t the same as knowing God. A key ingredient to this is how we communicate with God in prayer. 

We’re talking about this and lots more with Sheila Walsh on Pardon the Mess today. 

She reminds us that vulnerability is a key component in teaching our kids how to work through the hard stuff they face. Suffering and pain will always exist, but in the middle of it we have the opportunity to point our kids back to God. 

Be sure to check out Sheila’s new devotional, Praying Girls Devotional: 60 Days to Shape your Heart and Grow your Faith Through Prayer. 

I know you’re going to love this conversation with Sheila Walsh as much as I did!

I have long admired Pastor Levi Lusko and his ability to portray the absolute power and sovereignty of God in a way that we can all understand. He is a gifted pastor, teacher and communicator that always leaves me feeling seen, known and inspired.

I first heard Pastor Levi at Passion Conference and have followed his teachings since that time. Today’s conversation centers around how to marvel at God’s creation and how to remind kids they are never alone in this big world. Our kids naturally look up at the moon and the sky and have so many questions. And Jesus even suggests that we are more like kids!

His newest devotionals for families, Marvel At the Moon, is a real passion of his to help start conversations about God’s majestic universe. His desire is that every child (and adult) will remember they are never alone in their real-life struggles. After my conversation with him, I promptly went to order 5 copies for families that I love. He shared so many fun facts about the moon that I had never heard before. 

My favorite part is at the end, when he encourages all parents to not shy away from the failures. He encourages us to lean into the very normal road of messing up - and how God will use every bit of it. It felt like such a moment of grace washing over me. I pray you will feel that too. 

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show: 

LeviLusko.com

Through The Eyes of a Lion (His daughter’s story)

Marvel at The Moon

YoYo Stroller

Passion Conference

The Marriage Devotional

Happy December!!! 

I am so very delighted to introduce you to one of my favorite moms on the planet - Dana Sheheane! This episode is a simple, rambling and lighthearted chat with one of my real life mom friends. You will LOVE her! She’s one of us folks.

I feel like we can raise amazing Christian kids - if we are wearing the right bra and our coffee stays warm. Amen? So let’s dive into some practical ideas and a girlfriend chat. 

The majority of the episode is just fun ideas and simple tips for your everyday life. However, don’t miss the end. We talk about a few intangible and critical things you need to survive in 2025 - from margin to community. Enjoy her wisdom and her adorable laugh!.

In this episode, we chat about:

• Perimenopause 
• Chico’s
• Heating mats
• Stitch guns
• Embarrassing kids 
• Best bra per Dana
• Solution for cold coffee
• And much more!

Love,

Courtney

(05:55) Parenting Insights and Challenges

(11:58) Holiday Traditions and Family Dynamics

(18:52) Navigating Hormonal Changes

(29:56) Embracing Embarrassment as Parents

(39:04) Must-Have Gadgets for Everyday Life

(45:14) Finding Joy in Everyday Challenges

(51:16) Building Community and Connection

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide

Resources from today’s show:

Wild Interest podcast

Dana’s Story - StoryTellersLive Part 1

Dana’s Story - StoryTellersLive Part 2

Lighthouse Family Retreat

EOS Lotion- not cherry. No scent. We lied

FYY Food Warming Mat 

Dawn Platinum Powerwash Dish Spray

Coffee Mug Warmer

Stitch Gun

Podcast episode i LOVED lately

Diva Detergent

Best Bra per Dana

Treasures in the Dark by Katherine Wolf

Do we rob our kids of the ability to trust God by constantly intervening when we see them struggling? What if our efforts to provide and protect are the actual barriers to their success? In this podcast we talk with Christian counselor Mia Mbroh about whether failure is important or overrated, how a Christian parent should respond to a child who is struggling, and how stop parenting out of our own wounds from the past. She asks us “is God still good enough for us, even in the difficult times?” and expands on how our behavior often answers this question with a resounding “no.” Mia gives us practical ways we can love our children by letting them fail – by choosing to walk with them through their failure instead of always trying to take the pain away.  (Today’s podcast references Deuteronomy 8:17-18, the Heroes of the Bible, Proverbs 3:5-6)

Get the encouragement and trusted guidance you need to raise your kids in the uncompromised truth of God’s word— directly to your inbox each week!

Raising children on solid, biblical truth in a fast-changing world.

CONNECT WITH OUR COMMUNITY

Facebook // Twitter // Instagram //

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6 ESV)

It’s easy to get caught up in the to-dos and materialism of Christmas. There are so many activities and so many gifts to purchase. And while giving and receiving gifts is exciting, the greatest gift we can ever receive came as a tiny newborn baby in a lowly manger all those years ago. It’s up to us to receive this gift! So we can always be praying that our kids will accept God’s gift, believe in him, and love him all the days of their lives.

The book of Luke tells us that when Jesus was born, shepherds worshiped and spread the word, angels sang, and Mary treasured all those moments up in her heart and pondered them (Luke 2:19). As we approach Christmas day, let’s focus our attention on those same acts. As a family let’s worship the Lord, spread his good news, sing songs of adoration and celebration, and let’s store up the memories and meaning in our hearts so that we can remember God’s great gift to us all year long.

This week, let’s pray that our kids grow to know and love the true meaning of Christmas and that they would focus less on consumerism and sparkle, and more on the good news of Jesus.

Father God, thank you for sending us the greatest gift when you sent your Son to be born. May we all focus on you this season, not on the stress, pressure, or things. May _____________ remember that Christmas should be fun, but the most important part about it is you. Amen.

Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer Journal

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Jim Denison is with us today, and I believe there’s no one more in tune with our culture and the narratives we’re facing as believers. Jim and I discuss why it’s important to identify the preeminent lies of the day so that we can have answers and bring light to those who so desperately need the Lord. 

My hope is that today’s show gives you a new framework by which to consider our faith and encourages you to find your specific calling for the Lord. Although we cover a lot of ground, here’s some nuggets you don’t want to miss:

✨ How our culture has rejected Biblical morality 

✨ The problem with living in a society that believes there is no absolute truth

✨ The smaller earthquakes forming a greater tsunami for Christians in America

✨ Ways to counter the incorrect narratives and bring light to a dark world

We can be assured that if we aren’t willing to inform our kids about cultural issues of our day, the world will gladly do it for us. I believe today’s show is critical for raising kids who are eyes wide open in today’s culture, but also confident in God’s sovereignty and hope.

If you haven’t heard of Risen Motherhood, today is going to be a great day for you! 

Laura Wifler is an author, podcaster, mother, and the co-founder of the amazing parenting resource, Risen Motherhood. She’s back on Pardon the Mess today helping us bridge the gap between the faith we pursue on Sunday mornings and the real-life parenting we face on Mondays. Said differently, she speaks into ways we can practically bring the Lord into all facets of our parenting. 

Laura is also a mother to a child with disabilities and she encourages us to have meaningful conversations with our kids about disability, empathy, compassion, and God’s overflowing love for everyone. Her practical advice on helping our friends walk these roads well is important and something you don’t want to miss. 

Can’t wait for you to hear this great conversation with Laura Wifler.

Resources from today's show: 

Like Me by Laura Wifler

When I Talk to God, I Talk about You

Don’t anyone panic, we’re not skipping Thanksgiving! 

But we are chatting with Ruth Chou Simons about advent and why the posture of our hearts as we enter the holiday season matters. Ruth is hilariously practical and talks about her scrapbooking skills (or lack thereof) and her propensity to lose sight of what matters this time of year… if her perfectionist ways take over. 

Ruth reminds us that there’s an opportunity to experience Jesus even during a time of year packed with family, parties, and preparations.

She also has the most BEAUTIFUL advent book available now—a 25 day journey leading up to Christmas. I’m going to be using this book all of Advent and would love for you to join me. 

Today’s a fun conversation about holidays, family, and maintaining a posture that invites Jesus to be near in the middle of it all. 

Resources from today's show: 

Jones & Parker Case Files

The Bible for Teen Girls

Emmanuel

Ruth Chou Simons

“Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”—John 17:17

Sadie Robertson Huff has said that when she went to her mom for advice during struggles in her teenage years, her mom would always “meet her with Jesus”

Meeting our kids with Jesus just might be the most significant thing we can do in our kids’ lives. Satan is the father of lies, looking for ways to misguide and deceive us at every turn. Only in Jesus will we find real truth, especially in a culture that rejects absolute truth.

Jesus, you are the truth that overcomes the lies of the Enemy and shines light in the darkness. Help my family to identify the lies we’re believing, replacing them with the truth of your word. Give [name] an increasing understanding of who you are and your great love for them. Fill our families with hope, joy, and truth that comes only from you.

God's word speaks: Psalm 119:151; John 14:6; 2 Timothy 3:16; John 10:10

Lysa TerKeurst joins us today for a second time on Pardon the Mess, and she’s coming in hot (that’s a good thing, BTW)! 

I’m continually blown away by how the Lord is using the hard places Lysa has faced in her marriage and health to show his goodness and redemption so powerfully. 

Lysa and I talk about so much today, but here are a few of my favorite discussion points: 

- Forgiving what you can’t forget

- What forgiveness is and what it is not

- Reframing life’s struggles as a tension to manage, not a problem to solve

- Reminders that bad moments don’t make bad mamas

- The importance of “Seeing Beautiful Again” even when it’s complicated

One more thing: I had a Pardon the Mess first during this interview where I may or may not have cried at one point. I know, right? 

But truth is powerful, and I’m so thankful that we have Lysa joining us on today’s show. Listen, share it with friends, and be encouraged!

Perhaps the greatest gift my parents have ever given me is the gift of growing up in a praying home. 

My parents have prayed before meals, before bed, and before every major decision for as long as I can remember. They’ve prayed over me more times than I can count, and I’m eternally grateful to them. That being said, I can think of many years in my own life where prayer was not a priority (and my life 100% reflected that). 

I don’t want that same story for my kids, so this week is especially meaningful to me as we talk about raising kids with prayer-filled lives. We will consider not just the “how to” behind prayer but also the “why to.” Prayer is the perfect thing to recommit to in a new year, so join me in praying prayerfulness for our kids this week (quite the mouthful).

Pardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp.

It’s not often you get to interview a college kid about growing up as a Christian. The Stites are family friends of ours and a family we admire and respect so very much. I am often asking them for advice since they are ahead of the game by a few years. 

Today’s episode is a chat with their son, Campbell, who is studying political science at Texas A&M University. He has always been a leader and I have absolutely loved watching God grow his faith during his first year in college. He’s making some wise choices that we can all learn from.

My favorite part of the episode is when he encourages parents to get interested in their child's interests. He shares about how his mom invested in his interests and helped foster a super close mom/son relationship. 

In this episode we discuss:

• How to make faith a priority in college
• The power of friends and your circle
• How to let boys have freedom vs controlling them
• The gift of allowing your teens to fail

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

Moms, Dads, and Grads Gift Guide

Pardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Do you ever struggle with the deep pain we feel in our lives and how to reconcile that with God’s loving character? I am guessing the answer for all of us is a resounding yes—I think we’ve all been there at some point or another. 

Alexandra Hoover is on Pardon the Mess today to help us set up a framework of seeing God both in the hard places and the highlights of our lives. She shares her own Ebenezer-stone moments and walks us through a process of finding our “starting stone” as a beginning place for remembering God’s faithfulness. 

This is such an important topic for each of us as believers who will inevitably face pain on this side of heaven, but it’s equally important for our kids. If we can begin to lay these foundational stones of God’s faithfulness in their lives, it will help them remember his goodness in the storms they will face in the future.

You’re going to love Alexandra Hoover!

Resources from today's show: 

Eyes Up: How to Trust God’s Heart by Tracing His Hand 

Talk About from Awana - Try one month FREE with promo code: PTM

A Great Calm

I had the opportunity to hear Sarah Harmeyer speak at an event in Dallas years ago, and her words have literally stayed with me to this day.

Long story short—after a pastor encouraged Sarah to be who God created her to be, she left a successful business career in pursuit of gathering people. It started by her sweet dad building her an outdoor table to host her neighbors, and thousands of people later, she has a ministry and business called Neighbor’s Table.

Sarah and her father hand-deliver their outdoor tables all over the country, allowing countless people to do life elbow to elbow just as Jesus did in his earthly ministry. Sarah encourages us to let go of perfectionism and keep it simple, opening up opportunities for meaningful conversation with a place for everyone at our table.

As we begin a new school year, it’s a perfect time to commit to being people gatherers in our neighborhoods and communities. Sarah says it this way, “I’m on a love mission. I just believe ordinary people, like me, can be called to love extraordinarily around the table. Why? Because we were made to do this.”

I crave mentors and wisdom! I feel like I can spot wise women in any room. Lisa Clark is one of those mentors and I’m delighted to share her with you today. You will absolutely love hearing her “best and worst parenting advice” as she thinks back over her 35 years of parenting. 

As a grandmother now, she is at a place in life where she can look back and assess what was true and what wasn’t. Some advice is helpful and some is not. Some advice is biblical and some is not. Lisa shares so many incredible pieces of encouragement with us today - from how to discipline, the role of dads, when and how to have sex talks and much more. Lisa prioritizes her faith in a beautiful way but also has a very solid grasp on the realities we are facing as moms. I always feel lighter and more encouraged after time with her. 

My favorite part is at the end when she shares why we should be deliberate in teaching the gospel. She gives very specific ways we can do this and reminds us why it matters. I am praying that you feel so deeply seen in this episode and that the work you are doing as a mom matters. 

In this episode we discuss:

• Some best and worst parenting advice
• Why adult children are amazing
• How to trust our gut as mothers
• How to help our kids learn boundaries
• How to be our child’s advocate first

Enjoy!

Courtney 

(00:00) Navigating Grandparenting Dynamics

(02:12) The Myth of 18 Years

(04:31) Evolving Relationships with Adult Children

(06:50) The Balance of Discipline and Gentle Parenting

(10:51) Challenging Conventional Parenting Advice

(14:58) Trusting Your Instincts as a Parent

(18:24) Navigating Kindness and Boundaries

(20:29) The Importance of Sleep Schedules

(22:25) Open Conversations About Sex

(25:52) The Balance of Parenting Styles

(30:33) Empowering Dads in Parenting

(33:38) Intentional Gospel Teaching

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide

Resources from today’s show:

Wild Interest podcast

Connect with Lisa Clark

Raising Sinners book by Lisa Clark

Raising Sinners podcast by Lisa Clark

Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp

Crossover at OU

Dr. David and Amanda Erickson episode - Discipline, Consequences

Birds & Bees (Mary Flo Ridley)

Dangers of Growing Up in a Christian Home

In today's episode, I talk to Robert J. Morgan, the author of one of my favorite books EVER, The Red Sea Rules. 

It’s about the Israelites’ journey across the Red Sea and ten biblical principles for when we face difficulties in our faith.

Pastor Rob got me thinking about the difficulties I’ve faced lately, as well as the way God has helped me in and through them. Which then got me thinking about my youngest son. 

When my toddler falls down, he always waits for me to pick him up and dust him off.

Even when he’s not hurt, he dramatically lays on the floor until I walk over to pick him up, dust him off, and give him a hug, telling him he’s going to be okay. And then, just like that, he’s off in a million different directions like nothing ever happened.

I’m coming off a time where I’ve needed to be dusted off. I’ve had some bumps and bruises come my way and I’ve been discouraged.

There’s just something about being helped up and assured that you’re going to be okay.

P.S. Pastor Rob just released 100 Bible Verses that Made America this week, check it out!

It’s week seven of our prayer journal, and we are praying for our children to have accountability in their lives.

Several years ago, a dear friend of mine encouraged me to start praying that my children would get caught in their sin, leading to accountability and restoration. I didn’t know what I thought about praying for my kids to be caught, but I started doing it any way.

Oh my, I found that to be a bold prayer.

The friend I’m referencing is on our prayer podcast today, talking with me about accountability and how that has worked in her life and with her kids. We share some personal stories and hopefully give you lots of encouragement.

Start praying today for your kids to have people in their lives who hold them to the higher biblical standards. Pray that they have teachers, employers, pastors, and friends who will have the courage to say the hard things in their lives out of love and help them see their sin for what it is.

A huge thank you to each of you who have joined us every week for these Monday morning prayer podcasts. We’re overwhelmed with the response we’ve received.

It would be such a blessing if you would take a minute to forward our podcast to your friends, spouse, small group—or anyone you feel led to ask to join you in praying each week. If you have not ordered a journal, they are still available.

Either way, we want you to join us each week as we pray for our kids.

Our goal is to form a community of parents committed to praying for our kids this school year. In doing so, we pray you will tangibly feel God’s blessing on our families and schools, and that we will have testimonies to share with each other of the great things God accomplished this year.

The verse on the cover of our prayer journal is Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

May we all be found faithful in prayer this school year!

Life gives us lots of good days while also throwing in some bad ones along the way too. As adults we know life is hard on this side of heaven, and knowing where to turn in our hardest moments is critically important. 

This week we’re praying for our kids to know what David knew in Psalm 13—trusting God means trusting Him even on the hard days. 

As parents our knee-jerk reaction is to try and eliminate the source of our kids’ pain. But so often that same hard place is the greatest opportunity for them to know that Jesus is their only hope. Join me in praying this week that our kids turn to God instead of drugs, self-harm, or anything short of God’s best when they are facing hard times. 

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

Having an inaccurate view of who we are to God is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons for keeping us discouraged, defeated, and ineffective for Kingdom purposes. 

Today we’re praying for our kids to have the heart knowledge (not just head knowledge) of who they are in Christ. We’re praying they understand at the deepest levels how they were designed perfectly in the image of God and nothing can change his great love for him. 

Join me in praying Psalm 139 over our kids and ask the Lord to shelter our families from anyone and anything that calls our value and significance into question. 

Can’t wait to pray with you!

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” —1 Samuel 16:7

If we want our kids to grow in wisdom, stature, and favor like Jesus, how should we pray when it comes to stature? Merriam-Webster’s definition of stature speaks both to physical height as well as status or reputation; both are key areas we can pray over our kids.

Praying for physical growth is praying that our kids remain healthy and develop into adults who can best accomplish God’s plans for them. It’s remembering that our bodies are God’s temple, so we are called to care for them with the same concern and reverence we would show the physical church. It's praying over our kids’ physical relationships, their decisions related to alcohol and drugs, their health, and praying over everything that impacts their bodies.

Along with physical growth, stature includes praying over our kids’ reputations. Our reputation has the power to lead people to Christ or, if not done well, ruin our witness. It’s what the world looks at to see if we practice what we preach. Knowing that we’re called to live a life worthy of the gospel, let’s pray that our kids grow a reputation consistent with their faith.

Lord, we know you’re more concerned with our heart than our physical appearance, so cultivate in [name]a heart that’s marked by their faith in you. Guide each of my children to make decisions with both their body and reputation that honors you.

God’s word speaks:

• 1 Corinthians 6:19–20
• 1 Corinthians 13:11
• Proverbs 22:1
• Philippians 1:27

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’” —1 Samuel 7:12

The Israelites were in desperate need of a victory against the Philistines. Just as they were convincing themselves it was a lost cause, Samuel cried out to God and received an answer in the form of deafening thunder that scared away the enemy and secured an Israelite victory.

Orthodox battle move? No. God protecting his people? Absolutely.

No sooner than they finished their victory lap, Samuel stopped everyone in their tracks to make a critical point. He grabbed a stone as a memorial and named it Ebenezer, translated as “the Lord has helped us to this point.”

Samuel knew their battle win was significant from a tactical perspective, but he also knew the more significant win was the reminder that God had protected them in the past and he’d just done it again.

Our kids need the same reminder today that Samuel gave way back then: The God who has taken care of us up to this point will do it again. He is faithful and trustworthy. 

What are the Ebenezers in your family? Where do you need to start laying down stones as reminders to your family that God’s faithfulness in the past shows he’s trustworthy for the future?

Lord, remind us to always pass down the stories of your faithfulness. Mark [name] with a good memory of your provision, giving them confidence to trust your heart when they can’t see your hand. Help us to celebrate the places where you’ve given us victory, making a lasting memorial of your faithfulness for generations to come.

God’s word speaks: Deuteronomy 7:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:3; Lamentations 3:22–23; Psalm 86:15

Ever felt like you’re stuck in a rut of boring, ordinary, or just routine days?

Lisa-Jo Baker is our guest today on Pardon the Mess, and she’s got a word for you!

Many of us are smack-dab in the center of (brace yourself) midlife and need some encouragement that the daily, not-so-picture-perfect moments in this middle portion of life really do all add up to the truly extraordinary life the Lord has blessed us with.

Lisa-Jo reminds us that we can be free from living up to everyone’s expectations for what a meaningful life should look like and embrace the life we are living right here and right now. She brings us practical truth for our marriages, parenting, body image issues, failures, and all the other places as we face these middle days.

Lisa-Jo is practical, funny, realistic, warm, and loves Jesus. I’m not sure what else we could possibly ask for! You’re going to get a good laugh and possibly a little bit of free therapy hearing her talk about her muffin-top picture after a school play and crying in her minivan when her son made the honor roll.

For those of us spending our days in the “middle,” this one is for you!

Links: 

Lisa-Jo Baker

The Middle Matters: Why That (Extra) Ordinary Life Looks Really Good on You

It’s hard to believe that way back on September 13th of last year we began praying our kids through the school year and that today is our last day! 

We’ve prayed for our kids to have connection, purpose, salvation, humility, and countless other attributes of our faith. Many of you have been with me each step of the way as we’ve asked the Lord to stand in the gap of our parenting while also drawing our kids to him. I’m so grateful.  

This week is our very last week of the school year, and Bunmi Laditan is joining us to wrap it up. Please, please don’t miss this last week because Bunmi is amazing and you will love her. Also we are finishing up our year talking about why we pray for our kids, how to do it well, and how to respond even when we don’t see the answers we are praying for.  

Bunmi has a new book out this summer on prayer, and it would be a great way to pray for your kids the next few months before we kick things off again in September. Speaking of the next school year, (drum roll please) we’re praying the Psalms over our kids, and I cannot wait to see how God uses this study to lead our families closer to him.  

So thank you for praying with me this school year. Thank you for always sharing these podcasts with your friends and small groups. And thank you for allowing Pardon the Mess to speak into your parenting each week. I’m truly blessed to walk the road with each of you who want to love the Lord well in your parenting.  

P.S. The prayer journal for the 2022-2023 school year will be available starting in July. Listen to Pardon the Mess on Thursdays for more information on how to grab a copy for you and your friends. 

Resources: 

To learn more about Bunmi Laditan, check her out here! 

This. Is. The. One.

This is the podcast to listen to with your teens/tweens. This is the podcast to share with your friends. This is the podcast to listen to twice because you might have missed a nugget.

I love that wisdom comes in so many different varieties. And today it comes through Sadie Robertson. My daughter, Kate, joined me in Nashville to ask Sadie questions about following Jesus during the teen years, when it’s hard to know your identity and easy to be influenced by the wrong things.

Sadie shares with us the importance of knowing your three—those three friends who are most likely to bring you back to Jesus. She also tells us about a decision she faced at a party that led her to literally sit with Jesus. It’s all kinds of impactful.

As a mom, I loved hearing Sadie talk about what her parents did that most impacted her faith and how her mom always “met her with Jesus.” It will make you stop and think about the advice you give your kids and the way you approach the problems they bring you.

Sadie Robertson is an author, blogger, speaker, and daughter to Willie and Korie Robertson of Duck Dynasty. She was the runner-up on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars Season 19 and currently speaks as a part of her Live Original Tour. She has more than 5 million followers on her various social platforms and boldly speaks to her love for Jesus and her family.

Live Original

Whoa That’s Good Podcast

Book: Live Fearless

Book: Live Original

There are no words at a time like this and, if you’re like me, the news feels almost suffocating this morning. I want to take a minute to lead us in a special time of prayer for our friends in Uvalde as well as for all of our students.

Take a minute to listen to this special edition podcast and join me in praying for Uvalde and our schools. 

Also, I wrote an article several years ago after the school shooting in Florida that I want to share with you. It’s equally relevant today, and I hope it’s a renewed call to action in praying for our children and schools. 

We are not powerless in school shootings

Learning differences impact so many of our families, and oftentimes leave us confused and concerned as we consider the impact on our kids. I’m so grateful we have the opportunity to talk about this important issue today, and I’ve brought in the best to guide our discussion.  

Dr. Matthew Housson has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and focuses his Dallas practice on learning differences, specifically diagnosing autism, attention disorders, learning disabilities, and emotional and behavioral disorders. 

He is preeminent in his field and is graciously giving us a crash course on topics like these: 

• When is too young to test for a learning difference?
• How do learning differences present themselves in elementary, middle, and high school? 
• Does a LD mean lower intelligence? 
• What are the different types of attention disorders? 
• Is it ever too late for “early” intervention? 

My prayer is that we can dispel some of the myths and shed light in the dark places we fear on the learning difference journey. 

Trust me when I say you need to hear this today—if not for your own children, then for those walking these roads beside you. 

Resources from today's show:  

The Housson Center 

Parenting for the Present resources

Captain Absolutely

I Love You, Mom!

Parent with Purpose - A Perfectly Imperfect Christian Parenting Digital Event

Are you overwhelmed with technology?

Do you wonder how to keep your kids safe while also teaching them to use it responsibly? 

Have you wished for a biblical perspective on digital safety that goes hand in hand with the practical? 

For me it’s yes, yes, and yes.

Today we have Chris McKenna with us and he’s the founder and CEO of Protect Young Eyes. We’re talking about a digital trust framework for our families and practical tips for keeping our kids safe. He’s giving us ideas on router filters, appropriate ages for kids to have phones, and important conversations to have while they are still under our roof. 

Today is a big drink of water for those of us thirsty for technology answers!

Resources from today's show: 

Gabb

Gryphon (routers in general)

The PYE App

Talk About from Awana - Try one month FREE with promo code: PTM

Do you remember all the questions you asked the pediatrician about your first child?  

I remember one particular appointment when my daughter was about six weeks old. 

I showed up at the doctor’s office with a list so long it barely fit in my SUV. The questions seem silly now, but I asked things like: How do I know when to change diaper sizes? (Duh, when the others don’t fit). And how do I know if the crib bedding is overstimulating her? (Thanks a lot, Babywise).  

Bless my heart, and thank goodness for patient pediatricians.  

Today we have the chance to collectively ask our medical questions to Dr. Hillary Lewis. 

Dr. Lewis is a pediatrician in Dallas who loves the Lord and is raising three kids of her own.  

Much like the litany of questions I asked all those years ago of my pediatrician, I’m bombarding her with some of our most common medical questions when it comes to our kids (and not how to determine diaper-sizing).  

We covered topics like: 

• Physical concerns of COVID 
• The emotional toll of COVID
• Acne from masks
• The COVID vaccine and its implications for our kids
• Thoughts on the Gardasil vaccine
• The age we can begin to see signs of ADD/ADHD
• Balancing faith and science in our families 

I took one for the team and tried to ask the questions we’ve all been wondering about but haven’t actually voiced. Praying it’s as helpful to you as it was for me!

I was on a radio interview recently where the host asked me how to teach our kids about God without cramming the Bible down their throat. I guess I understood his general sentiment, but my initial thought was “can we ever give our kids too much of God’s word?”

Today we’re praying for our kids to be marked by God’s word because we know that God’s word is the only true wisdom in life. If God’s word is active and alive (Hebrews 4:12), God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16), and our only refuge (Psalm 18:30), I’m not sure it’s possible to overplay its value. 

This month we’ll be talking (and praying) from the context of the book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah had a deep love of God’s word which guided him in doing God-sized things while leading others to repentance and action. 

Listen to today’s podcast and join me in praying for our kids to be marked by God’s word in their lives. Pray that they will know their infinite value and his great love for them even in the midst of today’s uncertainties and hard places. 

There are a million things we do for our families each day, let’s be sure praying for them is at the top of the list.

We’re continuing our prayer emphasis in 2020 by praying this week for our kids to be excellent in all that they do. When you think about excellence and praying it for your kids, what comes to mind?
 
For me it’s the cheesy inspirational posters in middle school classrooms back in the day with sayings like: “Excellence is never an accident” or “Excellence is not being the best - but doing your best.”
 
Well let’s just say I did my best in math and nobody has ever accused me of excellence in that arena. But that’s neither here nor there.
 
It’s easy to get excellence confused with performance. Scripture is clear that we are called to excellence because it honors the one who created us, and he alone is the only true model of excellence. Performance is cumbersome and puts the focus on us, but praying the Lord’s excellence in our kids will rightfully take the pressure off of them and allow the Lord to shine in their lives.
 
Let’s pray that our children approach all their work with a goal of excellence, not in order that they might be looked upon favorably by others – but so that God will.
 
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another” (1 Peter 4:10 NLT)

One of our strong desires as parents is for our kids to find a place of belonging in the world. We want our kids to know that who they are and what they have to offer is important and valuable, and spiritual gifts are one of the ways God empowers us to find belonging and purpose in the world. Helping our kids discover and use their spiritual gifts well will help them see the bigger picture of how they fit into God’s kingdom. 

God made each and every one of our kids uniquely and he gave them all spiritual gifts. Some of these gifts are: teaching, serving, administration, hospitality, mercy, prayer, and more. Spiritual gifts are meant to be used to bring glory to God and using them becomes a testimony of how he has worked in our lives. 

This week let’s pray that as our kids follow the Lord, they discover their spiritual gifts, grow into them, and that they are presented with opportunities to use them to serve God’s kingdom. Let’s also ask God to help us recognize spiritual gifts in our kids and to share what we see with them. 

Dear God, thank you for the spiritual gifts that you have given ________________. Please reveal to me and to them what those gifts are and show us how you want to use these gifts to encourage others and bring others to Christ. Help them to start to see your purpose for them and to boldly use their gifts to please you! I know you will use them in mighty and awesome ways! Remind my child to value the gifts that you have given them over the things that this world values.

Spiritual Gifts test mentioned in episode: https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/women-leadership-spiritual-gifts-growth-service

Get your printed copy of A Life of Faith: Prayer Journal

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

It’s week ONE of our 2022-2023 Monday prayer podcast, and this is where the journey begins to pray our kids through the school year!

This year we’re following the Christian Parenting prayer journal, Key Psalms to Pray Over Your Kids. If you haven’t grabbed your copy yet, now’s a great time to do just that. 

I love the Psalms because it’s 150 songs, poems, and expressions of faith from real-life people who teach us how to pray, what to pray, and when to pray. And hidden in these vulnerable, pretense-free words, we learn the keys to being still, following our shepherd, seeking wisdom, fearing God, living with contentment, and so much more.

So today begins our journey through the Psalms, focusing on Jesus as our Salvation. There is nothing that can save us or our children but God. And because our sin separates us from him, he sent Jesus to pave the way through his death on the cross for our reconciliation to God for all eternity. 

Our greatest prayer as parents (and what we begin with this school year) is that our children will confess their sins and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I can’t think of anything more significant to pray for this week. 

So don’t miss out as we kick off this series. And please, share this with your friends, small group, Bible study, or anyone else that is ready to pray for our families together!

A huge thank you to First15 Worship for the amazing instrumental music!

On October 13, 2006, Abby Rike’s family was involved in a devastating car accident that instantly changed the course of her life. Refusing to let her tragedy become her identity, Abby started a journey that led her to know the Lord in a new, beautiful way.

Abby talks candidly and humorously about what gives her purpose and motivates her to get out of bed in the morning. She encourages us to refuse to accept a life of casual Christianity but rather to dive into God’s Word in a way that transforms all we do.

Abby humbly acknowledges that she doesn’t have all the answers, but, having walked a very difficult road, she wants everyone to be assured that God will meet you wherever you are.

Abby was also a participant on The Biggest Loser and tells us a little bit about that experience. She’s the author of Working It Out: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Hope. 

Wherever you are in life, whatever you’re worried about or living through, Abby has a word of encouragement for you.

Links from this episode:

Working It Out: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Hope

Rockthis.org

How to Help A Grieving Friend by Abby Rike

I sit here writing to all of you after sending my daughter off for her “first last day of school.” I truly have no idea where the days have gone. Literally—yesterday I brought this wrinkled baby home from the hospital, in a onesie that swallowed her little body. I laid her in the bassinet wondering how I was old enough to have a newborn.

Seventeen years later, I’m speechless at the thought of her going to college. And I’m left pondering what we will need to go over before she heads out of our door. She knows how to do laundry ✔, she’s responsible with money ✔, and she is a good friend to those around her  ✔. 

But more than anything else, I want her to really know the Lord. I need her to understand that of all the things we stand for in this house, our belief that Jesus is Lord trumps everything else. Christ is for us and with us for all of eternity. 

So whether you’re holding your newborn today or (like me) looking straight into the final chapters before launching a kid to college, today’s podcast is for you!

Kara Powell challenges us to consider ways we can give our kids a “sticky faith” that stays with them through college and adulthood. She covers critical conversations we need to have with our kids. She offers advice on navigating tricky faith subjects we cannot afford to avoid. And she provides some interesting thoughts on involvement in church, and how to make it most impactful. 

Research shows that of the kids who graduate from a church or youth group, 40 to 50 percent will fail to stick with their faith in college. I’m not satisfied with that statistic. I know you aren’t either. Listen to my conversation with Kara Powell today, and join me in implementing the small things that will make a big difference in keeping our kids faithful to the Lord.

Hold on to your hats, people: Christine Caine is in the house!

She’s fast-talking, truth-giving, Australian-sounding and joining us today on Pardon the Mess. Christine describes herself as an Australian-born, Greek-blooded lover of Jesus and an activist, author, and international speaker.

Christine shares her very personal story of coming to terms with her identity in Christ after finding out as an adult that she was adopted. She walks us through the importance of living free from shame and fear and how she has practically worked through that in her life.

She reminds us that what others intend for harm, God uses for his good—always. And, in line with that truth, she shares how God led her to form the anti-human-trafficking organization A21.

Christine’s book, Undaunted, personally spoke to some places in my life where I realized I needed to be brave in how I answer God’s callings. I truly believe there’s a word for each of us in today’s podcast, and I encourage you to grab a copy of Undaunted.

You’re going to love Christine!

This one was difficult to title, because it is PACKED with wisdom and practical ideas. We cover topics from empty nesting years, to codependency issues with moms and kids, to living with no regrets, to practical ideas around traditions and celebrations. Krista is an author, speaker, life coach and podcaster that feels like your best friend. You will hear her tenderness as she relates to all of us as moms and the real challenges we face. You will also hear her wisdom and encouragement to keep growing as a woman and mom. 

I love how she encourages those with empty nests to be okay with two opposing feelings - joy and sorrow. And how she is coping with watching her kids launch into the world. My absolute favorite part is the last 10 minutes. Moms of younger kids - you will LOVE her ideas for traditions and celebrations. Find out what her “my night” tradition is - and why her kids remember that as a highlight. 

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:

KristaGilbert.com

Book Krista to speak

Krista’s podcast

Krista’s Freebies - Celebrations & Traditions

CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie

Dr. Kelly Flanagan

As a Mom, one of my recurring concerns is a focus on how to ensure my kids have a deep faith. When my kids leave the house, after eighteen years of growing, guiding, and leading them, I want them to understand why we believe what we believe. I realize that ultimately it’s up to them to decide whether to follow God or not. But I often find myself pondering the question: What is the best way for us to set them up to make the most important decision of their lives?

If this question is on your radar too, you’re going to love my conversation today with Ruth Chou Simons. We talk about the ordinary things in life that work to shape our family’s faith. We speak to the importance of individually pursuing Jesus and how our pursuits become a part of the fabric of our home. And Ruth shares her journey of balancing a career with family life—how she’s worked through seasons of saying “yes” professionally and other seasons where she’s been called to say “no.” 

Ruth is a best-selling author, artist, founder of Gracelaced, wife, and a mom to six boys. She offers an encouraging word for all of us today. As we plow through the mundane moments of everyday parenting, Ruth prompts us to keep our eyes on the bigger and better prize of Jesus. Join us and find rest in his promises.

Do you spend time overthinking? I sure do, but can honestly say it’s gotten way better over the years. This episode is dedicated to my small group of senior girls. They were telling me that “overthinking” is taking them down for so many days. That conversation had me pondering about the topic and I wanted to help them with this struggle. So, I got Jon Acuff back on the podcast to help me wrestle through it.

Jon Acuff writes the most relatable books with common struggles in our daily lives. He’s an entrepreneur, author, speaker, podcaster, husband and dad of 2 college girls. He’s also hilarious and always has me laughing every time we connect.

My favorite part is how he gives us a very practical way to approach overthinking. Instead of letting this steal our time, creativity and productivity - what if we were deliberate with what we think about? Could we use that same time and energy to fight for positive thoughts over negative thoughts?

He offered a code for his upcoming event 

In this episode, we chat about:

• How overthinking affects almost everyone
• How to switch overthinking to something positive 
• How to shorten the pity parties in our minds

Enjoy!

Courtney 

(03:08) The College Experience and Loneliness Epidemic

(05:59) Overthinking: A Common Human Experience

(08:55) The Dangers of Overthinking

(11:56) Soundtracks: Shifting Negative Thoughts

(15:07) Faith and Practicality in Overthinking

(18:09) Navigating Teenage Emotions and Relationships

(20:05) Understanding Teenagers: Insights from Parenting

(22:10) Navigating the Empty Nest: Emotions and Realities

(24:12) The Challenges of Parenting Adult Children

(28:40) Creating a Remarkable Life: Upcoming Event Insights

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

A Million Tiny Moments

The Unbreakable Boy movie

Connect with Jon Acuff

Remarkable You - upcoming event with Jon Acuff (code: PODCAST50)

Soundtracks book

Your New Playlist book for teens 

How Teens Win book for teens

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

My youngest son, JB, is home from school today because I thought he was coming down with the same cold I’ve been struggling with all week. We kicked-off his “sick day” with a precautionary dose of Ibuprofen and breakfast in bed. By 8:10 a.m. I realized I had made a grave mistake in keeping him home. It’s been Ferris Bueller’s Day Off over here, and he’s Ferris and I’m the sickly sidekick friend trying to keep him from burning the place down. 

But in this midst of his craziness I’ve noticed how quick he is to apologize. He loses his mind, apologizes, asks for forgiveness and moves forward with his next adventure. I love that he doesn’t overthink my forgiveness, wondering if I’m still angry or somehow going to think less of him or love him differently with each indiscretion. 

It’s this same type of forgiveness (times a million) that God offers to each of us. It’s a forgiveness that extends as far as “the east is from the west” that we’re praying our kids will fully grasp and lean into with their Savior. 

Let’s take a few minutes and pray for our kids to confess their sin so they can live fully in God’s overwhelming forgiveness. And then let’s also pray for this mom who should know better than to give a gratuitous day off to a kid with more energy than the sun. 

P.S. We would be so grateful if you’d consider sharing Pardon the Mess with a friend. Encourage those you know and love to join us in praying each week by forwarding this email or sending a link to the show. Thank you! 

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

As I’ve been working through the new realities of this pandemic, I’ve felt a bit of fear creeping into my life. Maybe it’s because I live in a COVID-19 “hot spot.” Or, it could be that as things have opened up in our state, my family is inevitably facing increased exposure to the virus. Either way, my lack of control over things I previously thought I could manage has revealed how quickly fear can replace faith in my life.

I’m guessing I’m not alone.

Ed Young, Senior Pastor of Fellowship Church, joins us on Pardon the Mess today to talk through dealing with fear in these uncertain days. In his new book, The Fear Virus, he encourages us to get “historical, not hysterical” when we’re fearful. Being historical means going back to all the places where God has been faithful in our past and using those times to remind us that God will continue to be faithful in the present.

Pastor Young shares with us the significance of trusting God in the face of fear and how to do that practically: naming our fears, taking captive our thoughts, and praying for wisdom and guidance. Trusting God is a daily (sometimes momentary) decision, and in days like these, it often means we deliberately choose to cling to God’s words instead of the words filling the air all around us.

You will love Ed Young’s vulnerable and entertaining words for us today! I’m praying this podcast will refresh you and bring biblical encouragement as you identify the areas of fear you’re struggling with.

My middle-school son is a man-child. 

Or at least that’s what one of my friends called him after seeing him for the first time post-quarantine. I don’t know what happens to these boys between seventh and ninth grade, but they go from little lego building cuties to deep-voiced giants, basically overnight. 

It’s amazing (and shocking) to see them grow so fast. It’s also a great reminder to pray for their physical bodies and development. This week, we’re praying for our man-children (really, all of our kids) to be marked by stature. 

In praying over their stature, we’re praying for our kids to physically take care of their bodies. This includes everything from eating well to making the right decisions when faced with alcohol and drugs. We’re also praying for their physical relationships—that they honor the Lord as they approach the age of dating and in all relationships with their peers. 

Aside from praying for the physical aspect of their stature, we’re also praying for their stature as it relates to reputation. How they conduct themselves has the power to lead people to Christ or, if not done well, ruin their witness. Knowing that we’re called to live a life worthy of the gospel, let’s pray that our kids are marked by a reputation consistent with their faith in God. 

Sometimes we have parenting questions that can be awkward, right? And there’s times we need an honest discussion on a topic, but we aren’t sure where to start. In this Pardon the Mess mini-series, Janet Denison answers some of the more awkward or tough questions we face as we raise our kids. We’ve kept these podcasts short and to the point. They are not intended to be the only answer, but a starting point as you go to the Lord with all of your parenting needs. We hope to hit lots of topics that your facing, so please send us an email to editor@chrsitianparenting.org for topics you would love to hear us address in the future. Happy listening!

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This week we’re praying for our kids to have courage. The further our culture strays from God’s truth, the more courage it will take for them to live biblically.

I wrote an article last year about the importance of raising kids who can stand alone. I saw a picture on social media of a boy standing by himself while praying at his school’s “See You At The Pole” Day. I realized right then how important it was going to be to raise kids who can stand alone in their faith.

Passionately following Jesus, especially in today’s culture, is not going to happen if we follow the masses and blend in with the crowd. We’re called to be holy, set apart, sanctified, chosen, and on a great mission for Jesus. So are our kids.

Our kids will need a strong dose of courage to stand alone in the hard places.

It takes courage to:

• stand up when everyone else is just standing by 
• include the excluded, allowing no one to be left behind on your watch
• walk away from the inappropriate images everyone is sharing
• say no when it’s more popular to say yes
• stay home because going might lead to compromise

Let’s pray that our kids have the courage to stand alone when they need to and that God will do something big with it when they do.

What is that “thing” you know deep down you’re called to do?

What phone call are you supposed to make? What book does your heart want to write? What is the nagging feeling you’re pushing down even knowing God is calling you to step out a little further in faith? 

Rebecca George is with us today to talk about this exact subject. We’re talking about doing the very things God created us to do and addressing our hang-ups that keep us from going full-force after it. It’s such an important topic, and I’m grateful Rebecca has some practical  advice for identifying your giftings and figuring out how they line up with God’s kingdom. 

The world can be so hard right now, and those around us need hope. We can’t afford to shrink back and not do the things we’re empowered to do simply because we’re too busy, too afraid, or too insecure. 

Don’t miss this great conversation, and start praying now that the Lord will tell you what “thing” he has for you to do. I’m praying over it for you! 

Resources from today's show: 

Do the Thing by Rebecca George

Starved

Camp Winshape

Every Parent Wants To Know Christian Parenting Event

It was about seven years ago when my husband and I realized the Lord was nudging us to explore foster care. And just in case you’re new to the Pardon the Mess family, the long story is we finally did what we were called to do and our lives are forever changed by fostering and adopting our little one, JB.

As I look back on my 20s and 30s, I kind of wish someone would have kicked me in the pants and told me to slow down and pray about God’s unique calling for my life. Maybe it should have been obvious, but I was so busy chasing after my own dreams that I wonder how many of God’s dreams I overlooked in the process.

Because of this, I want to very honestly ask if you’ve prayed about God’s calling for your life right now? Do you know that he has very specific plans for your life which he created long before you took even one breath? Might I encourage you to not fall into the trap I did for so long of missing his still quiet voice because of busy schedules and big agendas.

We’re talking about all of this today, and I’m thrilled to have Harmony Klingenmeyer with me. We discuss the good, bad, and ugly of foster care—however, my prayer is that you will take foster care and use it as the blank to fill in for whatever God is calling you to.

I hope you’ll take a few minutes to listen to today’s show and then stop and pray that God will reveal any callings on your life that you may be missing. Take it from me—chasing after the things of God will change your life forever, and I’ve got a 5 year old cutie to prove it!

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” —John 1:5

A quick glance at the news confirms that our culture’s moral code is growing further away from the truths of Scripture. With the widening of this gap, our kids will likely face more scrutiny and persecution for living biblically than many of the generations before them.

Even so, we have the message of truth and are called to share it. In the middle of a world of darkness and uncertainty, our culture desperately needs to hear the gospel message that Jesus loved us to the point of death so that we might live forever (John 3:16). 

Each new day presents opportunities for our children to shine God’s light in the darkness around them. It’s accomplished by refusing to conform to the world. Instead, pray that your children live set apart in how they talk, what they prioritize, and how they do life. Living counterculturally provides the opportunity to point others to the true source of our light: Jesus.

Ask the Lord to ground our kids in the confidence and determination necessary to stand firm in a culture that rejects absolute truth. Pray that they won’t pass up a single chance to shine the light of Jesus in a dark world.

Jesus, you alone change lives. Help [name] to be brave enough to live set apart for you. As our culture grows further away from the truths of the gospel, give us more opportunities to share our faith in you with love and conviction. 

God’s word speaks: Matthew 5:16; John 8:12; 1 John 1:5; 1 Peter 2:9

Melanie Shankle is the New York Times bestselling author of Sparkly Green Earrings, The Antelope in the Living Room, Nobody’s Cuter Than You, and Church of the Small Things. Melanie lives in San Antonio, Texas, with her husband and daughter. She has the gift of being able to write humorously about the seemingly ordinary things of life while pointing to God in the midst of it.

Melanie talks to us today about parenting her daughter, Caroline, and how she’s realized the small things end up being the big things and the importance of just showing up in our parenting. We laugh about parenting teens, dealing with social media, avoiding the traps of comparison, and letting your kids do it on their own (even when we can do it better).

Melanie is funny, relatable, and authentic, and she will encourage you to stay the course (and laugh a lot) on the journey of parenting.

Links for today's podcast: 

The Big Mama Blog

Books by Melanie Shankle 

The Big Boo Podcast

“It’s never too late to start today.”

That’s the challenge Latasha Morrison leaves us with on today’s podcast as we talk about diversity and racial reconciliation. I can promise you that listening to this forty-minute podcast will be one of the best uses of your time today. It’s that good!

Latasha Morrison is the founder of Be the Bridge, a nonprofit organization equipping folks just like us to serve as ambassadors of racial reconciliation. She speaks very practically and grace-filled about the need to listen, learn, lament, and leverage as we consider our part in this pervasive issue.

We talk about the call to being unified in Christ and that if one part of the body of Christ is struggling, we all have a responsibility to do our part to implement change. There’s so much to consider in today’s podcast, but I especially love the practical ways she suggests we teach our kids the truths about diversity beginning at an early age, starting with the books we read, the movies we see, and the restaurants where we eat.

 The Lord has given a word to Latasha that we all need to hear, and I’m so thrilled to have her join us. Let’s keep the discussions on intentionality going this month as we tackle the uncomfortable but critical topics facing our families.

Interested in books Latasha recommends in today's episode? Check them out below:

Divided by Faith

The Color of Compromise

White Awake

Just Mercy

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you are having a beautiful day with your friends and family. I am so very thankful for each of you. I got to meet several of you in person at a recent retreat - and you were so kind to stop me and tell me the impact this podcast is having on your life. I care about each of you so much and it was so refreshing to meet you in person and hug you tight. 

Today’s episode is just ME! I decided to pause from interviewing guests and start a series that we will sprinkle in over the next year or so. As I am launching my first child into the world, it’s fun to look back and think “What mattered most?” One of the things that has mattered most in our parenting journey is the topic of GENEROSITY. 

As Ron and I reflect, we do believe making that a priority in our home has genuinely impacted our girls’ faith - in big and small ways. We didn’t always get it right - but we did make sure we spent very practical time giving to others. This is way more than giving money - it’s our time, talents and more.

Today, you will hear some super practical ideas too for the holiday season. You can find 100 free ideas over at Light ‘Em Up. Enjoy this season with your family shining the light of God. Praying we each have eyes to see where God is moving and that we have the courage to step in and be a part of it this Christmas season.

Send me some stories after the fact!

Much love,

Courtney 

00:00

Thanksgiving Greetings and Gratitude

10:25

Living Generously: Personal Stories and Experiences

20:02

Creative Acts of Kindness and Community Engagement

25:52

Making Room for Generosity

33:20

Listening for God's Guidance

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide

Resources from today’s show:

Light ‘Em Up - acts of kindness ideas

In This House, We Will Giggle - Courtney’s first book

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

If we’ve learned anything the last few weeks, it’s that acts of generosity are all around us this time of year – but definitely not in the form of a Peleton bike gifted to your wife and a resulting a video diary of her fitness journey. That, my friends, is dangerous territory.

I remember my Dad used to say you never give a gift with a plug to your wife for Christmas (meaning an appliance). Now I believe we can all agree that one might be wise to stay away from gifts with a plug AND a pedometer.

That’s just a little Christmas advice for you as we all finish up our shopping this year. You’re welcome.

This week, as we continue to pray for our children this school year, we’re praying for generosity in their lives. Kay Wyma joins us today with a great reminder that true generosity stems from acknowledging all the Lord has done for us.

Chew on that for a minute: Generosity naturally spills over to those around us when we live with gratitude for what the Lord has done in our own lives.

I can’t think of a better gift we can give our kids this week than praying they live lives marked with gratitude. Praying they show generosity in their friendships, being happy when others succeed, and compassionate when they do not. Let’s also pray generosity in their areas of influence by including peers who are overlooked, and always being willing to serve those around them when they see needs.

Let’s pray our kids live all of their days rooted in generosity with gratitude for who Jesus is to us – beginning all those years ago when he came to earth as flesh, born in a lowly manger so everyone could be offered eternal life with him. I can’t think of an easier time of year to show generosity because of what Jesus has done in our own lives.

Let’s share that with our kids.

Take a minute to listen to our podcast today while you’re driving, shopping, or sitting by the Christmas tree. And think long and hard before you purchase your beloved a blender, vacuum, or a Peleton bike. Ha!

Note: If you missed our podcast with Kay Wyma last Thursday, take a minute to listen today. She unpacks the song “Joy to the World” and gives us practical ways to hydrate our souls this holiday season. It’s just the word we all need as we make the final lap headed into Christmas.

Oh friends, I really, really can’t wait for you to hear today’s show with Tricia Roos. I’m so grateful to know Tricia personally and see first hand how the Lord is using her story to speak of his faithfulness even in the deepest places of loss.  

Tricia was three months into her pregnancy when she received a call that her unborn daughter had a rare condition that would be fatal. Against the advice of her medical team, she resolved to have her baby despite a chromosomal condition called Trisomy 18. In the midst of the uncertainty and pain, Tricia’s wish for a healthy baby girl changed into something more beautiful than she could have ever dreamed of.  

Tricia’s story is a reminder of how God’s transforming power allows us to love deeper, go further, and grow more than we could ever have imagined for ourselves. I especially love Tricia’s words on learning to live for something bigger than ourselves—a great perspective to consider in our parenting.  So glad you’re with us today!

When Wishes Change: What if the thing you feared most brings more than you dreamed? By Tricia Roos

See more from Tricia on her website, follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Amanda Pittman is with us today and she has a VERY important message on living in confidence. A lack of confidence runs the risk of keeping us from doing the God-ordained things in our lives because we think we aren’t good enough, or gifted enough, or ______(fill in the blank) enough. 

We chat about why this matters not just for our own lives, but also how our confidence (or lack thereof) impacts those around us. She identifies some of the confidence crushing narratives we believe and practical ways to overcome them. 

I really, really loved talking to Amanda about parenting our kids in a way that builds their inner-confidence, teaching them to live with conviction rather than focusing on their insecurities. 

This is a powerful conversation on living out the abundant life God has for our lives and our families. I know you’re going to love Amanda Pittman as much as I do. 

Resources from today's show: 

Stand in Confidence: From Sinking in Insecurity to Rising in Your God-Given Identity

Confident Woman Co.

Having never met Angie Smith before, I had no idea what I was missing out on until I had the most heartfelt, Spirit-led conversation with her for today’s show.

Angie is a mom, wife, speaker, author, and a much-needed breath of fresh air for all of us trying to live our daily lives for Christ while struggling through the bumps and bruises we face along the way.

Angie recently wrote a book, Woven, that’s a beautiful depiction of how the seemingly different storylines throughout the Bible are actually woven together into one big story of God’s love. If you’ve ever found the Bible to be confusing or even disjointed, Angie provides a deep dive into the bigger picture of God’s word and why it matters.

As much as I loved talking about her book, I was struck by Angie’s vulnerability in sharing about her real-time fight with depression and loss. 

Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say I walked away so thankful for a strong Christian woman willing to share the hard places of her journey so that we might be encouraged in our own journeys.

If you’ve ever had doubts about your faith, or struggled to understand the Bible, or even felt like life is too hard, I believe this conversation is exactly what you need today!

In honor of Father’s Day this weekend, Pardon the Mess is dedicating our whole show today to the dads we love!

Former NFL quarterback Jeff Kemp speaks all over the country, championing fatherhood by speaking into God’s design for dads as difference-makers in their families. Today we’re blessed to have him speaking into our own families by sharing his passion behind building up men, encouraging them to be strong leaders both in our homes and in the world.

Here are just a few of the powerful topics we cover: dads building healthy relationships with their kids, needs our kids have that are best filled by their dads, healing from our own dad wounds, ways to evaluate your fathering, a reminder for imperfect fathers to run toward their perfect father, and a month long challenge for wives to support and build up their husbands.

Not only do the dads around us need to hear this word today, there’s also great encouragement for moms that I can’t wait for you to hear. Join me in celebrating our dads with a great message from Jeff Kemp as we head into Father’s Day weekend.

Learn more about the Fatherhood Comission and Jeff Kemp. 

It’s an absolute delight to have my dear friend Lysa TerKeurst on the podcast today. Lysa has been sharing her deepest struggles through writing books, devotionals and bible studies for decades. She has a beautiful way combining biblical truth and heartfelt empathy that makes us all feel less alone. 

In today’s episode, we discuss TRUST and DISTRUST. She shares that when you starve a relationship from trust - it’s like not giving a human air to breathe. I can imagine that many of you are working through some trust issues - we all are. Whether it’s a broken friendship or marriage or a strained relationship with a family member or dear friend. It can be really hard to manage the healing and repairing process for yourself and even more difficult when it involves your children. 

One of my favorite parts is when she talks about the importance of healing in a community. She shares how natural it can be to isolate when you’re hurt - but trust rebuilds in community. I am praying this episode touches a tender topic with such encouragement and practical help.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why trust is crucial to all human relationships
• How to manage broken hearts and relationships while raising kids
• How to move towards healing with resilience 

Enjoy!

Courtney

00:00

Practical Wisdom and Biblical Truth: A Conversation on Trust and Distrust

03:16

The Impact of Broken Trust: Emotional Abuse and Betrayal Trauma

15:24

Triggers and Discernment: Patterns of Behavior and Self-Exploration

32:55

Resilience and Healing: Overcoming Broken Trust

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

LysaTerKeurst.com

I Want To Trust You, But I Can’t - Lysa’s newest book

Dr Amen and Lysa - her brain scan

EMDR Therapy

WOW - root cover up

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

I feel like there’s not a whole lot that needs to be said when introducing Sheila Walsh as the guest for today’s show. I mean after all, she’s godly, funny, and real. She’s not afraid to speak into some of the darkest places she’s faced and how God has met her there so faithfully.

But that’s exactly what we talk about today as we chat about her new book, Holding On When You Want to Let Go. She vulnerably shares about walking through another bout of depression this last year and how reading the Psalms has been so therapeutic. She identifies lies we believe about God when we’re in the middle of life’s struggles, and ways to reframe the narrative we allow in our hearts and minds. 

Sheila and I have lots of fun talking about all things Christmas, but I also know this time of year can be difficult for so many, making her words very timely and necessary.  So glad you’re doing this with me each week! 

“Mo Money Mo Problems” —The Notorious B.I.G.

It’s not often that one quotes The Notorious B.I.G. to kick off a Christian podcast, yet his song title is all too relevant for how many of us feel when dealing with our finances. It’s not necessarily a reference to how much money we have, but just to the problems money can cause when we don’t approach it biblically.

As we continue our miniseries this January, “New Year, New You,” we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty of our finances.

Chuck and Ann Bentley are on the show today, and they know their stuff. They speak all over the world teaching biblical financial principles, doing it with grace and love. Chuck also has a daily radio broadcast and has written several books.

Here are some of the highlights of what the Bentleys shared:

• How to redefine prosperity to line up with the Bible’s definition
• How men and women approach finances differently
• Being a peacemaker in your marriage when money raises tensions
• Tips for handling debt
• Common financial mistakes families make
• What generosity and giving say about our priorities

My hope is that we can take an honest look at our finances today, considering how we’re stewarding what the Lord has given us and if it’s pleasing to him.  

“Those who trust in their riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.” —Proverbs 11:28

P.S. You can check out their book Money Problems, Marriage Solutions: 7 Keys to Aligning Your Finances and Uniting Your Hearts here as well!

Do you feel like you’ve got more questions than answers these days?

Me too!

Which is why I’m thrilled that we have Sissy Goff and David Thomas on our podcast to walk us through ways we can support our kids emotionally during these tough days.

Sissy and David are on staff at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee, and have extensive experience counseling kids. They speak all over the country encouraging parents to raise their kids with intentionality, focusing on the most common struggles parents face in today’s fast-paced society.

One of the standout moments in our discussion was their advice that the best way we can help our kids work through their anxiety in these uncertain days is to manage our own. And then they give us some much-needed advice on how to practically do just that.

We also discuss the differences between fear, worry, and anxiety, and they help us recognize when our kids may be struggling and need extra support. Spoiler alert: there’s a lot of talk about being hopeful and patient parents—and I may or may not have felt like that was semi-directed at me. Ha!  

Although this interview was scheduled months ago, the Lord clearly knew we would need a word from David and Sissy at exactly this time. 

So let me encourage you to take a few minutes today to hear from two people who love the Lord and our kids. Be encouraged as they practically walk us through ways to best parent our kids in these days of uncertainty.

P.S. Want to hear and learn more from Sissy and David? Check out their podcast here and some of their book resources available now!

Terra’s ministry lies at the corner of theology and therapy. She is available NOW to share healthy relationship wisdom with parents of girls (from her new book, Courageous):

ª  How to raise courageous girls in a world of fear, anxiety and loneliness

ª  Teaching the truth about intimacy: we are loved and can have intimacy with God and others outside of sex

ª  Empowering daughters (and moms!) with five tools for creating calm in the midst of anxiety

ª  How emotions help us discover our authentic self and deeply connect with God and others

ª  Step #1 for raising courageous girls? Become a courageous woman

ª  Helping our daughters become resilient -- rather than avoidant or naïve or avoidant

ª  Learning to recognize three types of friends - and becoming a better friend

ª  The secret to honest relationships between moms and daughters 

ª  Why Terra intentionally travels the road of motherhood alongside other women

Terra Mattson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the clinical director of Living Wholehearted, an organization she co-founded with her husband and business partner, Jeff, which is dedicated to helping leaders live with integrity. Terra is also the co-founder of Courageous Girls, a free web-based curriculum offering biblical and clinical wisdom to moms and daughters, and author of Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace. Terra and Jeff have two daughters. 

Happy New Year!!!

I cannot believe it’s 2025. I've been thinking about this year for a long time because it’s the year my first child graduates from high school. Well, that went fast!

Today’s episode is a special one for me, but also insanely practical for all of us. We have my brother, Drew McClure, on the show today to talk about “parent burnout.” Is it just the life of a mother to feel utterly exhausted all the days of our lives? Is there a way to have more energy? Better energy? Focused energy? Meaningful energy? 

He talks us through how to make some traction this year so we don’t burnout early in the year. His thoughts are wise and sustainable and tested. As the Founder of People Profit, his job is to coach companies to eliminate burnout and increase capacity. He has a deep passion for humans and how we work. So, let’s get his take on the performance of a parent!  

Drew encourages us to start with one thing. Just one thing. You may want a journal or pad of paper as you listen to this one. It’s FULL of helpful tips to write down.

My favorite moment is in the beginning when he tells his story from going to a wild middle schooler to walking with great friends that love Jesus. It’s a powerful example of how God can step in and speak to the heart of our kids. And that even the BEST parents (mine) cannot control outside influences and your children’s decision. But God. He can work it all for good.

Enjoy!

Courtney

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

If anyone can appreciate the impact influencers have in our world today, it’s our kids. They are inundated with social media influencers telling them what to buy, how to look, and what to do in given situations. But despite the somewhat negative perception we may associate with our culture’s “influencers,” as Christians we are called have influence in our own circles and our kids are too. 

Today we’re praying that our kids will visibly and authentically live out their faith, and in doing so draw others to him. It’s no coincidence that they are part of the teams, friend groups, and clubs they are in—it’s by design. So we’re praying that as they go about their days they will have influence through their words, conduct, love, faith, and purity (1 Timothy 4:12).

Even though our kids will likely (hopefully) never have the influencer status of a Kardashian, we’re reminded that it’s the significance of the message not the size of the audience that matters. Let’s pray they are faithful influencers of the gospel message that our world so desperately needs.

Many of us are at the stage of caring for our aging parents. If you are not, it’s probably headed your way in the not too distant years. Undoubtedly it can be a hard topic, but loving our aging parents is a really important one we’re tackling today. 

Sarah Smith joins us today to share her journey of caring for her mom who was diagnosed with early onset Alzhemiers. Sarah is honest about the challenges they have faced on this road, but also encourages us to draw closer to the Lord and trust him every step of the way.

Here’s a few of the topics we cover on today’s show:

• Being realistic in expectations

• Overcoming guilt when considering healthcare facilities

• Supporting our friends who are caring for their parents

• Allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us in patience and love

Don’t miss this important conversation with Sarah Smith. 

Resources from today's show: 

Broken Beauty

So God Made a Mother

The Dad Tired Q&A Mixtape

I am so fired up about this episode with Chris and Jan Woodruff. I believe serving together is one of the very best things you can do as a family. As I look back over 18 years as a mom, I can truthfully say that the times we have served together has deeply impacted each of us. We always see the best version of our family.

Many times, the service opportunities are only available for teens and older. When we discovered Lighthouse, we found a way for our kids to serve as young as 4 years old. In this episode, we talk about the benefit of serving and putting others before yourself. My goal for today’s episode is that it unlocks the power of serving together and motivates many to find unique ways to serve as a family. 

My favorite part of the episode is when we talk about the benefits of serving together. We have both seen unique benefits on each of our kids. They have practiced and prioritized serving others and we can now see how it has helped develop their character and passions and gifts. 

Challenge today: Go on a date with your spouse or grab some girlfriends and brainstorm: “What are the top values we want to instill in our home? In our family culture? And then how can we be intentional to live out those values?”

Enjoy!

Courtney

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Family Background

03:02

The Importance of Service and Generosity

05:57

Building a Family Culture of Service

08:52

Transitioning from Volunteers to Staff

11:49

The Impact of Serving on Children

15:12

Finding Individual Strengths in Service

18:00

Creating Community Through Service

20:12

The Joy of Serving Together

22:25

Empathy and Growth Through Service

24:36

Building Community and Communication Skills

26:46

The Impact of Small Acts of Kindness

28:04

Finding Your Family's Serving Style

30:39

Navigating Overwhelm in Family Service

33:45

Encouragement for Busy Families

37:04

Getting Involved with Lighthouse

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess 

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

Lighthouse Family Retreat

Light ‘Em Up - 100 simple ideas and random acts of kindness

In This House, We Will Giggle - Courtney’s book

Under shorts for women - you’re welcome

Christian Parenting store

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Here’s the thing about parenting—It’s really hard to evaluate how you are doing or identify areas of improvement when you’re in the thick of it every day. Because parenting comes with no performance evaluations or long-term guarantees of success, we often find ourselves simply trying to survive, not thrive (I speak from experience).

Danny Huerta from Focus on the Family joins us today with some valuable benchmarks to consider in our parenting journey. His new book, 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, very practically lists some of the most critical areas of our parenting and how to assess how we’re doing or where we need to make some tweaks.

Some of the traits of effective parenting we discuss include adaptability, respect, and intentionality—and believe you me, there’s some truth spoken today that I needed to hear and I bet you will feel the same way, too.

Danny also shares with us the areas of our culture he believes will most challenge our kids' faith and gives us his thoughts on how to prepare them to live biblically.

I hope you’re having a wonderful summer, and I’m so grateful you’re joining me on this parenting journey! 

“The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” —Psalm 121:7–8

It’s hard to feel safe when the news all around us tells a different story. But we can trust in the Lord’s protection because there is nothing he cannot do. He created everyone and everything in the universe and has complete control over every detail of it.

As parents, it’s often especially difficult to trust God’s protection when it comes to our kids. We constantly need reminding that our best defense on their behalf is a commitment to praying for them. Even when we question God’s protection over them, we can trust that he’s sovereign, good, and never acts contrary to his loving nature. 

The real truth is that nothing can ultimately harm those who rest in the grip of our heavenly Father. Paul reminds us of this truth when he says: “Neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).

Jodie Berndt joins us for this mini episode to pray with us that when the world seems really scary to our kids, they will remember the One who created the world. He’s our fortress and protector, guiding our very steps and guarding our every path.

Lord, we pray for protection over our children that only comes from you. We pray not just for their physical protection but also for their spiritual health and protection. Please remind [name] that faith in you brings healing for all eternity because nothing can separate us from you. Keep them in your presence and protect them both today and always.

God’s word speaks: Isaiah 54:17; Psalm 34:7–9; 2 Thessalonians 3:3; Deuteronomy 31:6

Connect with Jodie

Website: https://jodieberndt.com/

Instagram: @jodie_berndt

Facebook: @JodieBerndtWrites

I was reading through the book of Daniel this week, and I came across the part most of us learned about in first-grade Vacation Bible School: the part where King Nebuchadnezzar built a golden statue and told everyone they had to bow to it.

When Daniel and his buddies refused to comply, the king promptly decided the next best step would be to turn up the temperature on the ol’ furnace and throw them in it.

Daniel, committed to living the truths of his faith in God, said these profound words as he faced the possibility of going down in flames:

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:16–17).

And God did deliver them, not allowing even one little scorch to their bodies.

I was thinking about what a Daniel kind of faith looks like for us at present, as we’re experiencing the angst of this potentially life-threatening pandemic. 

Are we sharing Daniel’s sentiment with those around us? 

Are we sharing that our God is able to deliver us? 

Even if he does not, we will not fall to the temptation of fear, faithlessness, and despair?

In his commentary of this passage, Warren Wiersbe says, “The devil tempts us to destroy our faith, but God tests us to develop our faith, because a faith that can’t be tested can’t be trusted.”

As we face these days of uncertainty, many will find their faith tested. But even in the midst of the testing, we have hope knowing that, in the refining process, we will come out with a faith that’s even more trusted.

On today’s podcast, five-time cancer survivor and founder of Truth Becomes Her Erin Weidemann talks about the importance of praying for both the physical and spiritual health of our kids.

Erin’s testimony reminds me a lot of David’s. After beating cancer five times, she has complete confidence that her God is able to heal her over and over again. 

But even if he chooses not to in the future, she will choose to live each day at peace without worry or despair.