Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family (Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family)

Summary

Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop!  We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd.  Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be.  He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement.  

Key Takeaways

• Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies.

• Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies.

• Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation.

Couple Discussion Questions

1. How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic?

2. In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community?

3. How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience?

4. Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities?

5. What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?

"Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored and that specifies both its dignity and responsibility: family, become what you are” (Familiaris Consortio, #17)

We have discussed how important a family culture is. It is a powerful construct that communicates more effectively than your words alone can. But how do parents build a healthy culture in their home? What should the elements be? The first priority should be building a spiritual life, which we discussed in “Building a Family Culture” but what comes after that? In this podcast, we discuss the next 4 priorities: your marriage, the family’s network of relationships, discovering giftedness, and family operations. Listen in and then take some time to discuss with your spouse what needs to be strengthened in the culture you are building in your home. (BONUS: At the very end we are joined by a special guest.)

Sign up for more on Family Culture at https://messyfamilyproject.org/community

In this episode, we continue the conversation on spiritual freedom with Matt and Jen Lozano from Heart of the Father Ministries and we get practical!  Matt and Jen walk us through the process of defining the lies of the enemy and breaking their power over us.  This all begins with repentance and forgiveness.   Then, we have to renounce these lies, just like we do in confession, and engage in the grace that is there for us.  Last we need to receive the blessing of the Father, which is the deepest longing of our hearts.  In this podcast, all of us share examples of how this process has transformed our relationship with God and we talk about the importance of blessing our children, which creates in their heart a place to receive the blessing of God the Father.  Listen in to the conversation!

The Church has always made it clear that parents are the primary educators of their children and chiefly responsible for their family’s spiritual formation. So what is our advice to you?  First, don’t worry if your kid fails this quarter in school and, second, turn off streaming mass and start leading your family in prayer. Be empowered to lead your family and focus on what YOU think is important during these challenging times.  In this podcast, we share some of the ways our family is bonding this month, and we give inspiration and ideas on how to lead your family. God has given you the grace. Family, become what you are!

Virtual Catholic Conference: https://aliciahernon.krtra.com/t/AMa71LKg02oQ

Guide for Holy Week through Easter for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/celebrate-palm-sunday-to-easter/

"Never be embarrassed to love your wife." – Chris McMahon​

Summary

What does it take to build a thriving business and a strong marriage at the same time? In this episode, Mike sits down with longtime friends Chris and Molly McMahon—financial advisors, founders, parents of five, and marriage warriors. Together, they unpack the real story behind balancing ambition with family, building a faith-filled home without a perfect blueprint, and making decisions that prioritize your marriage even when the world says otherwise.

From the mess of early parenthood and maxed-out credit cards to spiritual renewal and raising adult kids with a legacy of love, the McMahons share wisdom from 36 years of marriage. Get ready for candid stories, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement for couples trying to do it all without losing what matters most.

Topics include:

• Why full transparency is non-negotiable in marriage
  
  

• How to prioritize your spouse even in seasons of hustle
  
  

• Reclaiming Sundays and breaking free from the “frantic family” pace
  
  

• Making faith central—even in business
  
  

And don’t miss your chance to sign up for the Family Board Meeting, a transformative way to lead your family with intention: messyfamilyproject.org

Key Takeaways

• Put your spouse first.  Connect with them and make them a priority no matter what is happening at work. Talk about your spouse with love and respect always to others. 

• Be a witness in the workplace.  Put up a sacred image, hold a high standard for yourself and be bold about sharing your faith. 

• Never accept the standards of the world for success.  If you feel like both of you “have” to work to get ahead or buy a house, don’t accept that!  Think outside the box

• Make time for the things that matter.  Be intentional with how you spend your time and money. 

• If God has blessed you, be a blessing to others. God will give you a mission - respond!    

Couple Discussion Questions

• How can we use our time intentionally to prioritize each other? How can we live in a way that puts our marriage first? 

• What is the mission that God is asking us to go on two by two?  What is the particular way we can serve Him as a married couple?

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God."
- Romans 13:1

Every day, it seems like we hear of another act of violence by police or against police. Where is the respect for authority in our culture? How can we teach respect to our children? Actually, the more important question is why should we teach that to our children? In this podcast, we talk about the importance of respect for authority because authority ultimately comes from God. Our current culture engenders disrespect for authority. We need to change that, starting with our own family.

“With careful planning, honest communication, and the right help and care around you, your different tomorrow can be meaningful and extraordinary.”― John Delony

Let’s be honest, family life is full of stress! Sometimes there are big stresses like the loss of a job, a new colicky baby in the house, overwhelming responsibilities, or marriage issues. But even the little stresses can add up! Moody teens, worries over a child’s academic performance, or even a messy house can lead parents to feel like “I just can’t take it.” What is a parent to do?  In this episode we take an honest look at anxiety in parenting and help parents to put it all in perspective.  The bottom line is, the longer we do this family thing, the more we realize that the problems never go away, but we simply see them differently now than we did before.  Listen in as we share our perspective to give every parent encouragement and hope for your future as we learn to put it all in God’s hands.

Key Takeaways:

• Take back your life

• Don’t get trapped in the weeds - lift your head up! 

• Do the little things well - Atomic Habits

• Every Yes needs to be protected by 1,000 No’s.  Prioritize your life

Couple Discussion:

• When have I recently felt stressed? Has it become overwhelming?

• Where do I need perspective and help from my spouse?

• What are essential elements for our simple life plan to bring order?

References: 

• FBM download - Messyfamilyproject.org/guides

• Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

• John Deloney book - https://amzn.to/48T8LUb

All of us need community and having people in your home is a great way to make them feel loved and to experience a little bit of heaven.  But so many of us have “hostess anxiety” and feel like our home, our cooking, or our kids aren’t good enough to be exposed to others.  The reality is that we all need to practice hospitality, but not everyone has been trained how to be a good host!  In this episode we do just that!  After giving some inspiration, we go through some practical tips that we have found over the past 30 years for entertaining large groups, small groups, people with kids, or a group of couples.  Getting together is worth it!  Listen in and then subscribe and share!

"Sanctify the family and you will sanctify the world."

No, we are not talking about dad (although he may be king of the remote!) We have a different King in mind.

62% of children say they stopped being Catholic between the ages of 10 and 17 according to the CARA research center. This means children are losing their faith while they are under their parent’s roof. How can we make sure our kids are not part of this statistic? What can a modern Catholic family do to create an environment that helps keep our kids faithful? Where should we start? We believe the “secret weapon” for Catholic families in the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart of Jesus within your home. When families proclaim publicly that Jesus Christ is King, great mercies and graces flow into the family. Listen in as we explain what this means and how to use this “secret weapon” to keep your family close to Christ.

Resources:

• Enthronement of the Sacred Heart Ceremony
• Become a monthly supporter
• Books on Enthronement

Family prayer should be the center of our lives as Catholics, but often parents find it challenging.  Praying consistently with our kids is not our strength, so of course that’s why we wanted to address it!  You need to find a type of prayer that works for you, and don’t worry about how “well” you pray.  The Lord just wants to hear from you and your children need to see your example (especially you dads!).  Our entire lives need to be submitted to the Lord, knowing that all we have is from Him. 

Show notes and links available at http://www.messyparenting.org or http://www.facebook.com/MessyParenting/

"Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

God did not create man in isolation, He created man to live in community with others.  This is the best path for the full development of the human person!  Men need other men to push them, support them, love them, and let them know they have what it takes.  In this touching interview, Mike talks to John Doman, Alicia's dad, about his experience as a young Marine in Viet Nam and the events that set the course of his life.  They cover John’s marriage to Michele, his wife of 50 yrs, his struggle with PTSD after the war, and how the brothers God gave him throughout his life saved him again and again - physically and spiritually. Listen to this very important conversation about the importance of relationships and how God can use them to show us His love over and over again.  

Family Board Meeting - LIVE! : messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

Watch here: https://youtu.be/FIT6s7szDlU

Many of us are looking at the events of these days with despair, sadness, and even anger.  It is hard to witness division and hatred in our world and to see the suffering of those who are caught in its crossfire.  We want to respond but many of us don’t know how to.  This is such a huge problem with far-reaching consequences and deeply rooted origins.  Parents, do not allow the devil to use that which is far off to distract you from what is near!  The greatest influence you can have is within your own home.  Parents need to proactively discuss these issues with their children in order to form them.  This is YOUR job and no one else’s.  Listen in as we share our own experience and give tips on how to address these topics with your children.  

Get free Play and Pray Challenge kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Become a Member: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.  

Summary

We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement?  How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family?  In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family.  Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful!  This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting.  We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family! 

Key Takeaways

• The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.  

• Keep in mind the order of your family culture!  Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family. 

• Get the kids involved!  When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.

Couple Discussion Questions

• What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year? 

• How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids?  What is our plan to get them involved?

Resources

• Throwback Friday: Toys! by Regina Schmiedicke

• MFP267: Toys and the Imagination 

• MFP036 Holidays with In laws and Out laws

• Donate to the Messy Family Project

St. Francis would tell his followers “Let us begin again for until now we have done nothing.”  This is a great inspiration for us because sometimes we feel like we are always beginning again with new habits, plans, and goals for our family.  We are the most consistently inconsistent parents out there! But we have become less stressed out about our inconsistency because we see that it is an opportunity to begin again with our children.  It is hard to create habits in ourselves, let alone a group of children! But habits are an important part of formation, as the quote above from Stephen Covey shows. Since we have made so many plans with our family, we would like to share with you some of what we have learned in creating habits for your family.  In this podcast we discuss questions such as how do you create appropriate habits for your family? How do you come up with a plan with your spouse? How do you keep those kids motivated?  

7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: https://amzn.to/2Zj05l1

The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family:  https://amzn.to/2ZgndRj

Amazing Camp for Teens: https://cysc.com/

Special weekend in Tampa for couples in February 2020… interested in hearing more? https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Christ is present in a special way when a couple prays together.  They not only renew their yes to God, but also achieve a deeper union with each other, which springs solely from the union of hearts and couples in the sacrament of marriage. - Fr. Henri Caffarel

How can couples move their marriage from surviving to thriving, or from good to great? By making couple prayer a normal part of our marriage. Christian marriage is a supernatural endeavor, so that means that it is really not possible to have a successful marriage without Jesus!  Prayer between spouses isn’t just something you do, it is a gift from the two of you to Christ Himself.  It is acknowledging that Christ is the “glue” that keeps you together.   In this podcast we talk about how to incorporate prayer into your marriage, why it is so important, and how prayer can help you forge a deeper unity than you have ever had before.  Much of this conversation is discussing the writings of Fr. Henri Caffarel, founder of Teams of Our Lady. 

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/
Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales

Summary

What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability.  We are all in need of God’s grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode.  First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16!  We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath.  That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life.  Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart!  Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to. 

Key Takeaways

• The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children.  

• You cannot be an effective parent without prayer

• Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation.  This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way. 

• If we need to grow it is going to cost us.  There is no easy button. 

• There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it.  

• Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh! 

Couple Discussion Questions

1. What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now?  How well are we doing it? 

2. How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life? 

Resources

• MFP180 Monks, Parents, and Prayer

• Our webpage with resources on prayer

Join us for an extraordinary interview with Fr. Jay Donahue, a priest of the Diocese of Pittsburgh who has a heart for marriage and a deep and abiding love for Christ.  We discuss with Fr. Jay the impact that his own large family had on him, how couples can image Christ’s love for the Church and the importance of the Blessed Mother in the lives of priests and everyone in the Church.  He even dives into the sexual scandals that have plagued our Church with extraordinary love and compassion.  You will be inspired hearing his passion for marriage and God’s vision for marriage. We hope you enjoy this interview! 

Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/

5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

Wives: which statement do you agree with more, regarding your husband? “I don’t know how I could live without him” or “I don’t know how he could live without me.” Do we treat our husbands like a child? Do we criticize our husbands in public or to our friends? Criticism doesn’t achieve the change women are looking for -- ever! Attacking the need to be respected is a sure way to put your marriage on the road to danger. How can wives speak to their husbands respectfully? How can husbands and wives work as a team to improve their marriage and their lives?

Being disrespected rarely motivates a man.

“Life is pain, your highness. And anyone who tells you differently is selling something.” - The Princess Bride

Children today are less able to deal with failure, rejection, and pain than ever before. As parents, we hate to see our children suffer, but how do we prepare them for real life? How do we help to make them strong, but flexible at the same time? In this podcast, we discuss how hard it is to see our precious children struggle, and we point out the pitfalls that we parents can easily fall into. We also give three principles you can implement in your parenting to help form resilient kids.

“The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child ” - Mike and Alicia   

A child’s temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child’s deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control.  Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict.  Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations.  In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D’s of temper tantrums.  Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done.  In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom.  Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.  

Key Takeaways:

• Determine

• Diffuse

• Distract

• Done

Couple Discussion:

• When do our children have meltdowns? Why? 

• What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums? 

• How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?

"Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don’t need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite."
~ Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche

Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can’t live without them. Just as it is not good for a man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast, we share some experiences and ideas on how to form meaningful relationships with other people, and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

Summary:

In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family’s moral development. 

Couple Discussion Questions:

How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children’s development?

How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values?

What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs? 

Resources:

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

"The task now for believers is to form our own families even more deeply in the love of God, and to rebuild a healthy marriage culture, one marriage at a time, from the debris of today’s decision."
- Archbishop Chaput

The Supreme Court’s decision to strike down the bans on same-sex marriage in many ways was no surprise. The Judeo-Christian values that have supported our culture for so long have been eroding since the 1930s. In this podcast, we share our reflections on this decision and what this means for our families going forward. We need to renew and strengthen the meaning and value of Catholic marriage so we can be a light in the darkness.

"Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
~ Deut 5:16

We each have a family that we have come from, our family of origin, and sometimes they are very different from us. Because of this, visiting with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws can be stressful, but connecting with extended family is extremely important for the well-being of our children. In this podcast, we talk about the importance of visiting family, but also some issues that couples need to discuss ahead of time.

“Life is short, family is forever”

Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.

Summary

There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful.  As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don’t look much different than the secular, frantic families around us!  How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there.  Which ones should Catholics follow?  In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world.  The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!).   Listen in! 

Other Resources

Book:  Abba’s Heart

Podcast:  MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture

Key Takeaways

• To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His.

• Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging.

• More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them. 

• Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task.  Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them.

• When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us. 

Couple Discussion Questions

• Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us?  Why or why not? 

• On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now?  How unified are we in our home? 

• What does it mean to delight in our children?  What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently? 

• What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?

Social fragmentation, the break down of the family, isolation, and stress has wounded and broken many of us. Families need to be honest about their need for professional help - honest with themselves and with those around them.  It is a sign of strength to admit weakness! Plus, there are burdens that parents simply cannot carry alone. Marriage counselors, child therapists, 12 Step groups, doctors, and support groups are all resources that families can and should take advantage of in order to function in a healthy, holy way.  Counseling can offer hope, healing, and a path forward. Listen in as we discuss some of the challenges and obstacles, what to look for in a counselor as well as a note on therapy for children. 

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty’s A Catholic Guide to Depression - https://amzn.to/2XAWqmF 

Mike interview with Dr. Kheriaty for EWTN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIWlQ0ZUqY

Article on choosing a good therapist  - https://www.catholiccounselors.com/choosing-a-therapist-a-guide-for-catholics/

The most important challenge you can take 

What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge!  More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings!  What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family -  Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!  

Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Related podcast episode: 

MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/

 MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart  - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/

Key takeaways:

1. One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time.  Protect your yes with 1,000 no’s

2. Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home.

3. Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage!

4. Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families

5. If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.  

Couple Discussion

1. How do we waste time with our kids?  How do we lavish love on them?

2. What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that? 

3. What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart?  How can I express this love to my children?

“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.”
~Anonymous

One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It's hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven!

Notes:

• The Absorbent Mind (Montessori book)
• Articles on toddlers from Focus on the Family (Christian website)

“…parents must be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children. Their role as educators is so decisive that scarcely anything can compensate for their failure in it."
~ Familiaris Consortio #36

Making educational choices for our children is a daunting and stressful task for most parents. How do parents know what will be best for their children and for their families? The reality is that no one can make this decision for you. Parents need the grace of God to consider homeschooling, public school, or Catholic school and chose what is best for their child. In this podcast, we give some principles that we have used to guide our decisions and share some experiences of all the different schooling options we have chosen.

We need to take a sacramental view of ordinary life - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We often say that family culture is the secret weapon of Catholic families.  Why is this?  Because the culture within your home is more powerful than any written word.  It communicates expectations, beliefs, and values to everyone in the family.  In this podcast, we tackle some questions that listeners have sent into us about the culture within their homes. We answer questions like “what do I do about kids always fighting?”, “how do I take care of individual kids in a big family?”, “how do we handle birthdays?”, and “Help! I feel like I’m drowning!” (which isn’t exactly a question, but it is a common email we get!).  In all of these situations, the issue comes back again and again to the culture you are fostering within your home.  When you see all that you do in light of that, all the other issues will fall into place.  Listen in and learn about this powerful tool that every parent should develop.  

Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/
Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

For a child to learn how to love, they need to first be loved. 

So many people find disciplining their children to be one of the biggest challenges of being a parent.  We look back to the way our parents raised us and often we realize that we want to do things differently, but we just don’t know how.  Without a new perspective, many times we just fall back on what we experienced as a child and we react from our own woundedness or our own view of what a father or mother should be.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about how parents can model the perfect parent, God the Father Himself.  As we do this, we will find ourselves walking in our true  identity as a son or daughter of the Most High.  When we understand that, then we can form our children as God forms us.  

Listen in to this essential conversation and use our Key Takeaways and Discussion Questions to go deeper with your spouse on this topic.

Key Takeaways

• We need to parent the way God fathers us, free of emotion and manipulation

• Discipline starts with relationship because its all about forming their hearts.

• We need to teach children how to repair and restore relationships when they do the wrong thing.  

Couple Discussion Questions

• In our childhoods have we experienced shame from our parents or those in authority?  How did that make me feel?

• Do we imitate those behaviors in our parenting? 

• How can we reflect God the Father more in our formation of our children? 

• Consider one of your children in need of formation.  What is the best way to reach their heart? 

We love interacting with our listeners and one way we do this is by taking your questions!  Katie (Hernon) Gamboa joins us again to sit in as the “Every-mom” and ask us the questions that our members have sent in to us to be answered.  Per usual, there is a variety of subjects that we cover in this episode.  One mom is struggling with spiritual desolation and a husband who is agnostic.  A dad dealing with addiction reached out for encouragement and advice on relating to his wife during recovery.  We also touch on lighter topics such as laundry routines, having fun with your kids, and navigating the secular Christmas trappings that are all around us.  And we always have questions about toddlers, so that topic is in here too!  Thank you to all who sent in their questions - we hope we have done them justice!

Link to FANOS:  https://hopehousehealing.com/learn/fanos

Link to Cruise: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/

Rituals are an essential part of creating connections with other people, whether that is our spouse, our children, our extended family, our local community, and even our nation.  Rituals connect how we act with what we believe - communicate values can be contrasted with “routines” that create order and address merely physical needs. Both are important but on different levels.  When routines are disrupted, its a hassle.  When rituals are disrupted, the family cohesiveness is threatened.   When something is an obligation only with no emotional/heart connection, then the value of the ritual is lessened. 

Play and Pray Challenge for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/

Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/patron-2020/

"Seven days without prayer makes one weak."

The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are full of many tasks, which are fun and beautiful, but also may take our eyes off of the One we need most at this time. Making room for prayer in our busy schedules isn’t just something that is important during Advent, but is an essential part of parenting and living as a Catholic in this crazy world. In this podcast, we take some time to define WHY we should pray, HOW you can pray, and, most importantly, WHEN you can pray.

Why should we parents pray?

1. Out of justice, because God deserves your prayer
2. To gain inner peace and take time to slow down
3. To refocus on the meaning of life and remember what matters most
4. To receive grace and strength for your day
5. To seek His blessing, provision, and protection for your family
6. To listen to God and receive His wisdom for your life
7. To allow God to love you. Gaze upon Him and let the Lord gaze upon you.

Summary

In this episode, we explore the essential aspects of training for virtue and the challenging task of granting freedom to our children. We emphasize the importance of always communicating that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide, expecting mistakes along the way. We discuss the value of risking giving your child freedom, acknowledging it's not an easy journey. Key discussion points include how to provide more freedom for kids to make good choices, understanding if teens view parents as mentors, and identifying areas needing better boundaries and more training at home. Join us for practical strategies and insights to support your children in making virtuous choices while balancing freedom and boundaries.

Key Takeaways

• Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide. 

• Expect mistakes

• Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware!  It's not easy! 

Couple discussion questions

• How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this? 

• Do my teens see me as a mentor?  Why or why not.  Plan some time to talk to them about this.  

• Where do we need better boundaries in our home?  What are the areas in which our children need more training? 

“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett

Summary

The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it!  That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children.  One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources!  In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age.  Listen in!

Key Takeaways

• Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality.  Many things make each one of us unique. 

• Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology

• Your temperament is the way you REACT.  Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.  

• As a parent, knowing our children’s temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses. 

• When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze.  Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.   

• You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.

Couple Discussion Questions

• Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.  

• Observe your children this week.  During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths. 

• What are our gifts as a couple?  How can we better use them for the good of our children?

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28

Summary: 

Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success.  Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”.  Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity.  As they grow and as you teach them they will learn.  But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry

• Self control is an unappreciated virtue.  Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!”

• Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life.

• When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain.  As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.  

• Give them space to make a choice.  The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it

Couple Discussion Questions: 

• How would we define self control?  Why is it important

• How do we respond to our children when they lose control?  What do we think about this?  

• What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?

We talk a lot on our program about the “messy-ness” of life, but we thought it would be good to take some time to unpack why exactly we use this term and why it's so important to every family.  Every family is a messy family because we live in a broken, fallen world and we constantly are trying to repair relationships and situations that have ruptured.  Why is it so important to recognize this?  Because if we deny or ignore this reality, or try to control our situation and make it neat and perfect, we will only end up frustrating ourselves and making the situation worse.  Families need to embrace the mess knowing that they are exactly where God wants them to be.  

"Am I not here, I, who am your mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you or disturb you.”
~Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego

The Virgin Mary is not only a model and intercessor for us to Jesus, but she is also our Mother. She is the crown of God’s creation and a great gift to us from the Father. Who is this woman? Why is she so special? Why should we introduce our children to her? In this podcast, we answer these questions while sharing our own experiences and thoughts on this amazing woman.

Show Notes:

• Best book >> 33 Days to Morning Glory
  
• Prayer for consecrating a child to the Blessed Virgin Mary

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior." Ephesians 5:22-23

Catholic lectors regularly skip this passage for a reason: people in the pews start squirming when it's read! Why is that? But this is an integral passage to help us understand not only the relationship between husbands and wives, but in understanding how we can image God to each other. Often this passage is misinterpreted and misunderstood, but after years of thinking about this and living it out in our marriage, we want to offer a different view. The heart of what we talk about is how God wants to love each husband and each wife through their spouse. Marital love is a powerful thing because God wants to use it to show us His powerful awesome love. Listen in as we offer our perspective on this compelling passage of God's Word.

Show Notes:

• Read it in the Bible: Ephesians 5:21-31
• Fr. John Riccardo's podcast on The Biblical Vision for Marriage
• An old article Alicia wrote on submission in marriage ( from 1998!)

Summary

Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are.  We have never shared this information with our listeners until now!  Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed.  We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone!  The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too.  Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future.  There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well.   

Links

Last call for the survey!  Closing Jan 31, 2025  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T59LDRY

UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!  

www.messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025

“The future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home [the family].”
- St. John Paul II

The deepest desire for many of us as parents is to pass on the faith to our children. According to many statistics, upwards of two-thirds of young people are leaving the faith. So it's obvious that most parents are facing an uphill battle in this area and must intentionally evangelize their children. What is the secret formula for success? What does it look like to be an evangelizing parent? In this podcast, we share the top five ways to evangelize your kids. Gain some insight, spark a conversation, and go deeper in the work of evangelization. Listen in and share your ideas.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
– Garrison Keillor

Thanksgiving and Christmas are times of great joy and celebration, but can also be times of unprecedented stress and conflict. Buying gifts, traveling to see extended family, and keeping traditions are all important aspects of the holidays. How do Catholic families enjoy this while also keeping Christ as the center of our holidays? How do we love our families while we are striving to keep the peace and make everything perfect for our kids? Listen in as we discuss these challenges and the ways that we have dealt with them in our household.

Show Notes: Shows we referenced and ideas for Advent and Christmas

• Our podcast on Visiting Family
• 9 Things to do to make a more meaningful Advent
• Dynamic Catholic's best Advent ever

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”
- John 1:5

You can’t put your head in the sand. If you don’t bring up tough issues with your child, they are going to encounter those issues, but from someone else's perspective.

When do you bring up sticky issues with your kids? It’s so hard to know when and if you should discuss things like terrorism, abortion, or where babies come from. Kids bring up topics at the most inconvenient times! Plus, life is messy and as much as we would like to keep our children innocent forever, that is just not possible. In this podcast, we share some of our experiences and give some guidelines on how we have handled these issues with our kids. Listen in and let the conversation begin.

Discussion Questions:

• How will we protect our child’s innocence?
• What issues are on the horizon for our family?
• What’s our response as parents to these issues?

In 1924, Eric Liddell gave up his place to compete in the Olympics final heat of the 100m race because it was held on a Sunday.  He probably would have won that race, but his desire to keep the Lord’s Day holy stopped him.  Would we have that courage?  Starting in Exodus, the Lord has asked HIs people to keep holy His day.  He commands us to set it apart from all other days to honor Him, but also for our own good!  God will never ask us to do something that is not good for us, and He COMMANDS us to do things essential for our health and well-being.  How does your family set this day apart?  Have you been influenced by the culture, especially with the restrictions put upon us by the pandemic?  How are you setting this day apart from all other days in your home?  Listen in for encouragement and ideas on how to reclaim the Lord’s Day.  

• Lenten program for couples - join us for Cana 90: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/
• Join our membership site, the Messy Family Neighborhood: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

Every single person has a different perspective when looking at the same thing.

How many times in our marriage do we come into conflict with our spouse over things that are not moral issues, just differences in opinion? It happens pretty often, especially when you are first starting out and beginning your family. In this podcast, we help you to see that those differences are actually gifts. We just need to figure out how to discuss our differences in a productive way. Many of our examples for this podcast come from listener emails that we felt were important to respond to.

“It is in the family that young people have their first experience of Gospel values and of the love which gives itself to God and to others.”

~ St. John Paul the Great

As Catholic families, we want our children to be open to the call to the priesthood or religious life, but how do we do that in a practical way? Where does this call come from? How can we support our children in responding to that call? Ultimately, the answer comes down to teaching our children to love and know Jesus, because the path ahead of them can only be walked with His help. In this podcast, Father Joe Doman, Alicia’s younger brother, shares his vocation story and insights into how the laity can foster vocations. We also discuss how to support the priests who care for us in our parishes.

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced.  (You’ll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique!  In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance.  Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly.  

Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

 “For a Christian, joy isn’t what happens when life is going perfectly; it’s what happens when you know you are loved perfectly, even when life is a mess.” ~ Chris Stefanick

Sometimes we look at other couples and think, “Those people have it all together. It must be easy to be married to that person.  We are the only one’s struggling.” Nothing could be further from the truth. This interview starts with fun questions like “What’s the best part about being married to Natalie?” and “How did Chris pop the question?”.  But then, true to the brand of “Real Life Catholic”, Chris and Natalie quickly opened up their marriage to us to share the very real pain and suffering that they have journeyed through together.   All of us have our own battles to fight in our lives, and often we bring these battles into our marriages.  The question is, do our spouses come alongside us and fight FOR us, or do they themselves become another “battle to fight”?  In this conversation, we discuss the process of healing from sexual abuse within marriage, the effect on both spouses, how you can help your spouse through their struggles, and how to lean in to all the grace that the sacrament of marriage has to give.  This is a raw and real conversation that we believe will speak to the hearts of husbands and wives who take the time to listen. 

You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid?  Imagine you are drowning and then someone hands you a baby. ~Jim Gaffigan

We believe the most challenging years of parenting are not related to how many kids you have, but rather how close in age they are. Young families say to us all the time, ”We shouldn’t complain because we only have three kids and you have ten.” This is not true! The period of time when your family consists of kids who are all in car seats, can’t tie their own shoes, and are barely potty trained is an extremely difficult time.  Be encouraged!  This is a phase that doesn’t last forever (though it feels like an eternity at the time).  Just think- if you can survive this, you can survive anything!

Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan

5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." ~ George Washington

It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, but the village is certainly an important part of his growth and development! The friendships that our children have, even at the earliest ages, are an important training ground for life. As parents, we can’t micromanage our children’s friendships, but we can guide them and provide a fertile environment for healthy relationships to grow. It's important to do this when they are young, because as children grow, friendships become more and more important and parents have less and less influence over those friendships. Listen in as we discuss this topic and its importance in the lives of our children.

"A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter. He who finds one finds a treasure." ~ Sirach 6:14

If curiosity is a trait that can lead to the development of healthier, deeper, and more intimate relationships, then it could be another vital feature of the life of the child. - Maggie Hernon

Did this title cause you to look?  Do you wonder what it is about?  Is it causing you to click to listen?  That is because you are curious and that is a good thing! Curiosity is something we should all be encouraging in our children and there are numerous benefits.  People who are curious have better mental health, are more successful in life and relationships, and have a more highly developed sense of wonder and awe in the world.  Children are born curious, and it is up to parents to encourage them through the tools we give them, the environment we provide and how we model curiosity ourselves.  Listen in to find out how to help your children be curious about the world and themselves and why this is an essential skill.

https://messyfamilyproject.org/

"The future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home."
~ St. John Paul the Great

Every Catholic is called to evangelize. No matter where you are in life, we are to spreading the gospel of Christ in all we do. Does that mean that we need to carry a bible in the diaper bag and preach on the street? Not necessarily (though a bible in your diaper bag is a good idea!), the first step in evangelization is to love. When we evangelize as a family, that means that we first love, serve, and preach the gospel to our own children as we create a home in which others can come to be served and cared for. Your family can be a witness to Christ as you show how to love as Jesus loved. Thank you to Sean and Aine Ascough of Ireland for sponsoring this podcast!

Show Notes: some resources we mentioned in this episode:

• Our podcast on Evangelizing your Kids
• Our podcast on Passing on the Faith
• Our podcast on Scripture and the Family

“Christian marriage is the school of love, where despite the limits of our own love, we can discover Christ’s presence and power to teach us to love one another with the Love that never fails” - Peter and Debbie Herbeck

When we offer date nights, we try to pick topics that are fun for couples but also useful and thought-provoking. That's why we are so excited to share with you this interview we did on our June Date Night with Peter and Debbie Herbeck.  They have been in ministry together most of their adult lives and are the authors of a book that expresses much of what we believe and teach on marriage: Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage.

Listen in to this conversation and hear from this wise and authentic couple.  When Peter and Debbie married, they had the challenge of coming from two different faith backgrounds, two different family dynamics, plus the challenge of two very different personalities! You will hear how they tackled forgiveness, learned to be vulnerable, how they handled the differing roles of father and mother, and most of all, how they helped their children encounter Christ.  You will love listening in to this conversation!  

Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/lessons-from-the-school-of-love-cultivating-a-christ-centered-marriage/

Join us for future Date Nights by getting on our mailing list here: messyfamilyproject.org

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.  When we trust our spouse we can stand before them, just as we are, knowing that we will be accepted.  Full knowledge with full acceptance.  That’s the goal, but the road to building trust is not easy for most of us, because we are sinful people dealing with our own shame.  As we work on our relationship with our spouse and with the Lord, we are creating a bond that helps us work together as a team and rest in the knowledge that He will be with us no matter what happens.  The reason I know “everything is going to be ok” is because I trust that God is in control.  

Join messy family member waiting list: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

"Learn the heart of God from the word of God." - Pope Saint Gregory the Great

How is the Word of God honored in our homes? God is present in His Word; do we truly realize that? As Catholics, we need to surround our children with Scripture through stories, prayer, teaching, and song. We should be using the Bible to pass on the faith to our children, for it is through the Bible that they will come to know Who Jesus is and hear Him speaking to them.

"Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ." - St. Jerome

Show Notes: here are some great resources:

• iBreviary
• Scripture Studies from Scott Hahn and St. Paul Center
• Alicia's CD (songs help memorize scripture)

"…Do good, be rich in good deeds, and be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." - 1 Timothy 6:18-19

Where we spend our money is a very personal decision. The fruits of our labors are important, and where our money goes reflects our values. Giving money away is where the rubber hits the road in our relationship with God. How much do we recognize that we are dependent on Him? Do we really give Him all we have? Using part of our hard-earned money to serve the Lord is a reflection that our lives are given to Him. Listen in to hear our philosophy, but also some practical advice on how to discern what God is calling us to in tithing some of our resources to the service of His Kingdom.

“The sacrifices our parents made to give us brothers and sisters is one of the greatest things they have done for us.” - Mike and Alicia Hernon

We usually talk about family life from the perspective of parents.  But for this podcast, we are going to take some time to talk about what it was like growing up in a family of 6 for Mike and a family of 10 for Alicia.  We didn’t realize it as kids, but our parents' lives were really hard and they made a lot of sacrifices having the large families that they had. We see now that although our parents had difficulties, they were not prevented from giving us the greatest gift that they could - our brothers and sisters. Our siblings haven’t blessed us just as children, but we have been able to benefit from those relationships into adulthood!  Our brothers and sisters have colored in the outlines that our parents traced for us.  We hope that all parents listening will realize that more than money, premier schools, or fancy clothes your children need brothers and sisters.  Those relationships are riches they will have for the rest of their lives! 

Get your Messy Family gear -  jacket, pullovers, and Yeti at : https://messyfamilyproject.org/give 

View the episode here https://youtu.be/3Ely0kr-Ifw

“Guided and strengthened by God’s grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes

Summary

You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves.  We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good.  In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God.  Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.  

Growing in holiness doesn’t require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love.  And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.

Summary

Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece!  There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective.  What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children.  They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness.  Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself. 

Key Takeaways

• If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life.  Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices. 

• Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things. 

•  The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult

• Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”

• Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.”

• Jesus doesn’t ask us to love an ideal.  He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him. 

Couple Discussion questions

• Think of a person in your life who shows God’s love to others.  What do they do?  How do they do it?  What can you imitate?  

• “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”  Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life?  What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus? 

• What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today?  How can I receive their love more fully?

Looking at the turmoil we are experiencing within our culture, we are becoming more and more convinced that we, Catholic families, have the answer that people are looking for.  People are searching for purpose, belonging and identity. How do we “share” our family with the world? Well, first we need to make sure we have our own house in order.  Examine your family culture, shore up the weak areas, and be intentional about the messages you are sending.  The motivation to have a vibrant family culture is so you can take it to the next level and act in the world according to the unique giftedness that your family has been given.  We are not all called to serve in the same way -- we are all different!  When every family discovers their unique giftedness and then uses those gifts to respond to the call that God has put upon their hearts, God can establish His reign in the world.  Listen in to get motivated and learn how to discern the call that God has given to you.  

Podcast references:  Build Your Family Culture, Elements of a Family Culture, Growing a Family Culture Download

Play and Pray Challenge Sticker and Mass for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/

Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Parents feel like failures almost every day, but this is the lie of the enemy!  We are so excited to share with you this interview with Matt and Jen Lozano, speakers and teachers for Heart of the Father Ministries. They have worked with people all over the world, hearing their stories, praying with them, and leading them to freedom.  In our discussion, we talk about some essential spiritual issues which are so vital to parents’ ability to pass on the faith to their kids.  In this first part of our conversation, we talk about recognizing the lies that we believe, renouncing them, and choosing the good.  So many of us believe lies from our past which keep us trapped in a “small story” but when we allow Jesus to free us, He brings us into a larger story, the story of truth.  Please listen in to this powerful podcast. 

It’s easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our
Heavenly Father is with us.

Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children?  People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age!  One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you.  It is supposed to form you.  It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK!  But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads.  

Key Takeaways:

• If you are impatient with your children you are normal!  Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue

• Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves

• Parenting takes alot of time!  Lessons need to be taught over and over.  There is no magic bullet.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

• We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us.  We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over

Couple Discussion: 

• How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10?  How would you rate your spouse?  Discuss this.  

• What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over?  How has God been patient with you? 

• Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why?  Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with?  How can you learn from this?

 "Men do not fear a powerful hostile army as the powers of hell fear the name and protection of Mary." -St. Bonaventure

One of the questions we ask parents as an icebreaker for our in-person events is “How many of your childrren have used rosaries as weapons?” This is a common experience of families with young children as parents try to pray.  We get it.  For a long time, we found it hard to encourage devotion to the rosary with our children, but we have grown and learned a lot over the years! As we launch into the month of May, we wanted all our listeners to take some time to reflect on why the Blessed Mother is so important to families.  In this re-release of an earlier podcast, we talk about devotion to Our Lady, how to pray the rosary as a family creatively, and how she can inspire us in our family life.  Listen in and be encouraged and inspired!

Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

Other Resources

Welcome His Heart:  https://welcomehisheart.com/

MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation

Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/

Key Takeaways

• Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ.

• Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world.  Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service. 

• Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children. 

• Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships. 

• In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family. 

Couple Discussion Questions

• How are we leading together in the home?  Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership? 

• What is my understanding of forgiveness?  How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships? 

• How is our marriage serving others?  How are we giving from the well of our sacrament? 

• What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton

As we celebrate the founding of our country, we want to take time to salute and honor those families who serve our country. The decision to serve affects not only those serving in our armed forces but also the spouses and children.  In this podcast, we discuss with three military families on the joys and crosses of this vocation they have chosen to live. This conversation is really beautiful because much of what they share is applicable to any and every family. Important principles like trusting the Lord in everything, investing in your community and constantly pursuing your spouse are applicable to every marriage. We also ask about the virtue of patriotism and how to pass this on to our children. We hope this podcast will inspire you, it has inspired us! 

Want to hear more on this topic? Check out our latest blog post on raising patriotic kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/raising-patriotic-kids/

Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ 

Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/

Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

Of course your children don’t get along. They don’t know how to get along! That’s kind of what you are doing as parents, teaching them what they don’t know - Mike and Alicia

All of us struggle to live in a community.  That is the human condition - we need other people but we also find it hard to live with them!  This is true for children, but also for adults. In this episode, we answer some questions that our listeners had about what to do when your kids fight with your friends' kids, how to handle dividing up household responsibilities with your spouse, and what to do with adult children who are living at home.  It's hard for kids to learn, but  it’s also hard for parents to know how to teach in a way that can be received. Listen into this conversation and take some time to discuss these important topics with your spouse. 

https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/

www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

Living life with infants and toddlers is no joke.  And the more you have the crazier your life is!  We all know life is more than survival, but there were plenty of times that all Alicia could think when she woke up was “I just have to make it till nap time”. In this MFP classic episode which first aired in 2015, we talk about living life with kids under 5 without losing your mind. We give some practical tips for managing your children, ways to keep your marriage alive at this time, and how to act as a team in these crucial years.  Even though the “Survival Zone” is in our distant memory, we now have grandchildren who remind us regularly how much energy kids take!  Listen in for these essential tips in getting through these difficult times with grace and joy. 

"All it requires is that you be a man, a real man, which means a man of courage, perseverance, and integrity. You were made a man for a reason. You were made a man to be strong, long husband and father. So listen to your instincts and do what's right. Be a hero." - Dr. Meg Meeker

Fatherhood is devalued, underappreciated, and desperately needed in our society. Why is fatherhood so important? Why is it so hard for men to be good fathers? In this podcast, we discuss how our relationship with God the Father is the key to embracing who we are as parents. In addition, every man has a role as priest, prophet, and king in his family. Let's talk about what that means so every man can come to a deeper understanding of his role as a father.

Show Notes:

• Dr. Meg Meeker: What only a dad can give
• Great short film from David Henrie: Catch

Discipline is the issue that we get the most questions about probably because there is so much conflicting advice for parents out there.  The bottom line is that every couple must decide for themselves how they will form the children that God has given to them. But, don’t worry, we do have some principles and encouragement to give you!  In this episode, we discuss the importance of Respect in the home.  For children to truly be obedient and secure in their family, they need to respect their parents.  Evidence of this respect is what we call “first-time obedience”. Yes, it is possible and parents should expect it of their children.  

Download our Discipline Guide:https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/ 

Join waiting list for next Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to calm a crying infant, the toddler is crawling under the pews, the seven year old is drawing in the missal, and you wonder if your teenager is getting anything out of this at all. What are we talking about? Taking kids to mass! The mass is the font and summit of our faith but so many times we wonder if our kids are Pay attention at all. Does standing in the parking lot with a crying infant or chasing a toddler through the vestibule count as your Sunday obligation? In this podcast, we talk about the challenges and importance of bringing our children to Jesus in mass. The world that children live in is completely different than ours psychologically and spiritually. It is absolutely vital that parents recognize this in order to nurture the child’s growing relationship with Christ. Listen in as we share our stories and insights on encouraging participation in this most important family prayer, Holy mass. 

Funny "Post Church Press Conference" YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om-qeqwcF8g

Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Parent Resources: https://www.cgsusa.org/discover/cgs-approach/cgs-in-the-home-parent-resources/

Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ 

Take our listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/messyfamilysurvey2022

To become a better parent, I need to become a better person ~ Mike and Alicia

One of the subjects we are most often asked about is discipline.  We know how hard it is to form the will, heart and mind of a child!  Though every child is different and every parent is different, there are some principles that we can give you to help you make a discipline plan that works for you and your spouse.  In this episode, we start with the foundational points..  First, we need to get our hearts right and recognize why we are taking the time to discipline in the first place.  Then, parents need to speak with confidence, set clear boundaries, and do so keeping in mind that your role in affirming your child is essential.  Listen in as we start this essential conversation.  

Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/    

Watch here - https://youtu.be/vmEzF1MCvPE 

"A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers" - Ruth Bell Graham

The only person in the world you will always agree with is yourself.  Especially in marriage, people are going to disagree and this can lead to heated arguments between two people who really love each other.  This is normal and healthy!  We have to fight to work out our differences and come to a greater unity in our marriage.  The goal of an argument should not be to be right, but to be unified.  Even if you disagree, arguments should lead to greater clarity and understanding.  In this podcast, we talk about why to argue, principles for good arguing, and some basic ground rules.

“You are called to have great hearts here, counter-cultural and brave.  You can build something better, freer, more generous, and nobler, beginning in your own home.” - Bishop Thomas Olmstead, Complete My Joy 59

Man and woman coming together to build a home is a natural experience that has happened over and over again since the creation of the world, but we need to keep learning about what marriage is for and how to nourish this essential communion.  In this interview with Mike and Sharon Phelan we discuss how marriage can be transformational in the lives of men and women and a path to the true flourishing of the individual.  The problems are coming from a culture that is lying to us and pointing us in all different directions.  We discuss the concept of “submission” and “headship” as well as NFP - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Join in this conversation and find wisdom from this Catholic couple.  

Key Takeaways:

• Marriage is like ballroom dancing - without a leader, there is no dance.

• Men need a mission!  And that mission should be to enable their wives to be a mother who is strong, beautiful and free. 

• NFP unpacks the mystery of a woman’s body to her husband (and sometimes to herself!)

• Following the Church’s teaching on marital sexuality changes us! Even if we don’t fully understand or agree, acting in a virtuous way promotes virtue.   

Couple Discussion:

• How is does our marriage “dance” look right now?  How can we do this better? 

• Are we in “awe” of our ability to bring children into the world?  How does this effect our marital relations? 

• How can we learn more about the Church’s teaching on marriage and family? 

Resources

• Complete My Joy - apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Thomas Olmstead

• The Mission of the Family video series https://www.kofc.org/un/en/campaigns/into-the-breach.html

"The desire of a child to do a chore is inversely proportionate to their ability to do it." ~ attributed to a frustrated mother

Chores are a part of every family's life, or at least they should be! Sometimes, faced with children who can't do a job correctly and with children who refuse to do a job without complaining, parents find it easier to just do everything themselves. But this doesn't teach children responsibility, nor the essential life skills every person needs. So why are chores valuable? More importantly, how can we get our kids to do them?

Show Notes:

• Age-appropriate chores from Focus on the Family
• Happy Housewife chores based on age
• Maria Montessori's philosophy on children's work

“Do a date night! It’s cheaper than marriage counseling.”

This is an oldie but goodie podcast for you. We released this one way back in 2015 when we were just starting out but the content in it is something that even we need to be reminded of! When we have gotten into “slumps” in our marriage when we don’t feel like we are connecting, working together, or in sync with each other, that is when we need to take a look at our date nights. Are we spending intentional time together? Are we having fun together? Are we making room in our lives for our spouse? Listen in to this podcast where you will get some inspiration to not just get out of the house, but to also make your time together effective and impactful for your relationship.

Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge

Website - www.messyfamilyproject.org

Date Night Herbecks - 6/15 - www.messyfamilyproject.org/programs/date-nights/

Getaway - Early bird 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com

Watch episode here: https://youtu.be/r6NACXjUaVs

“The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.”
― James C. Dobson

This episode is really meant for parents of little kids who cause problems. Such as toddlers who push other kids, kids whom they really like but don't know how to play with. The reaction of our society to these children (who are usually boys) ranges from disbelieving shock (“How could that child DO such a thing?”) to indifference (“He is just going through a stage”), but neither response is really the right one. Little guys like this are just amazing bundles of raw personality! But these little personalites need to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum - those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from our podcast on Criticizing your husband.

“For the grace of Baptism to unfold, the parents' help is important. So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized on the road of Christian life.” Catechism of the Catholic Church, No. 1255

Our world presents images of cartoon fairy godmothers and mob-boss godfathers, but in actuality, being a godparent is a lifelong commitment with spiritual significance. To be an effective godparent, we need to be in a relationship with our godchild as a Christian as we assist the parents in the faith formation of their child. In this episode, we discuss how to choose a godparent, the importance of godparents in the life of the child, and how to be a godparent who actually makes an impact on the life of a young Catholic. Listen in to learn more about this important relationship.

This sponsored podcast is dedicated to Katie Stockermans.

"Families are the ultimate and best example of a team"

Every family is made up of individual people with strengths and weaknesses. Knowing these enables us to work together better! Patrick Lencioni, celebrated author and speaker, has found that there are six “geniuses” found in effective teams. Every person has two of them. When we find out our working genius and that of our spouse, we can function more effectively for the good of our family. Listen in to this podcast where we talk about the six working geniuses, how to figure out what yours is, and why it’s important.

Working Genius book and free resources - https://www.workinggenius.com/resources

Messy Family University events - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/university/

Join the community of the Messy Family Neighborhood - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

“Human beings look separate because you see them walking about separately. But then we are so made that we can see only the present moment. If we could see the past, then of course it would look different. For there was a time when every man was part of his mother, and (earlier still) part of his father as well, and when they were part of his grandparents. If you could see humanity spread out in time, as God sees it, it would look like one single growing thing--rather like a very complicated tree. Every individual would appear connected with every other.”
― C.S. Lewis

We all come from somewhere. We are part of the human family, but also we are part of a particular family with a history. So many of us, especially Americans, have lost the appreciation for our family tree that we should have. It’s important that we know where we come from, so we can pass that on to our children and to future generations. In this podcast, we talk not only about the importance of knowing our ancestry, but also about maintaining connections with extended family and teaching our children their family history through videos, keepsakes, and photos. All of these things are important in keeping us grounded in our place in history.

Show Notes:
Catholic tangent: I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts!

“Emotions are like children. You shouldn’t lock them in the trunk, but you don’t want them driving the car either”

Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self control is an under appreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign which was “Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.

Our family is a circle of strength and love. Every joy shared adds love, every crisis faced makes the circle stronger. With every birth and every marriage, the circle grows.

All of the parenting we have done for our son has led up to this point. The point where he separates from us and forms his own family. Feb 10, 2017 our son Patrick married Cassie in our hometown of Steubenville and it was a wedding to remember! Not everything went perfectly as planned, but that didn’t matter. The bride and groom beautifully reflected the love that God has for all of us and the formation of this new family should give all Catholics another reason to hope. We are so proud of our son and our new daughter, and we hope you are inspired by their wedding story!

There are many parents who look for advice from friends, and sometimes the responses are in the form of absolute declarations about the “only way” to parent.  In reality, many parenting matters are best left to an individual’s judgment.  As Catholics, we believe that there are certain issues that are black and white, but not everything falls into that category!  The first step to responding to others with charity is to realize that our way is not always the way for everyone.  In this episode, we also take on a question about discipline when you have 3 under 3, which gives us the chance to talk about toddlers - one of our favorite topics!  And we play a recording of a question sent in by a listener about mentoring teen boys whose brains are being flooded with testosterone.  Our answer?  Look to the elephants.  No, really, we do say that.  Listen in and join the conversation!  

**Sign up for the free webinar on the Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/

For More:

• Elephants and Dads- https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood/humans-and-elephants-both-fare-better-with-dads-around
• Catholic Differences- https://reginadoman.blogspot.com/2020/12/my-family-church-church-as-big-rowdy.html 
• Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-pt-1/
• Guide to Discipline- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/

This is the year of St. Joseph so let’s talk about what we can learn from this man who knew Jesus and Mary more intimately than any other person who has ever lived.  There is so much we can learn from him! Because there is really no definitive teaching on St. Joseph, we can extrapolate from what we know about Jewish culture at the time and what we read in scripture to imagine what he must have been like.  We do know that he can teach us about being a spouse, a parent, a follower of Christ.  He can show us how to love Jesus and Mary better and, as patron of the family, he is a powerful intercessor for us!  Listen in to this insightful conversation about the man who can serve as a model to us all - St. Joseph.

Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/

5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

“Where there is a family with love, that family is capable of warming the heart of a whole city with its witness of love.”
- Pope Francis

Our Holy Father has a pastor’s heart, but often his quotes become controversial. He speaks directly to families, those suffering, and to those in power in a frank, honest fashion. With the Holy Father coming to the United States and the upcoming Synod on the Family, we are taking time in this podcast to discuss his words, some of his challenging comments, and why some of the things he says are taken in a negative light. We all have a responsibility to prayerfully reflect on his words with the knowledge that they are spoken by the Vicar of Christ. We welcome you to listen to our thoughts and share your opinions with us.

Show Links: 

• Love is our Mission: The Family Fully Alive

“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul.  Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila

Summary

What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages?  Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness.  One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness.  When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently?  When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship.  Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.  

Key Takeaways

• When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently? 

• Taking extreme ownership means that you don’t make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more.  You always have a choice.

• When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness

• Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions.

• When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God.  “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8

• A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.  

Couple Discussion Questions

• Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change.  Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness. 

• When can we do a daily examen in our household?  How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness?

References:

Dealing with Failure podcast:  MPF 140 

Forgiveness MP 060 

Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165

Romans 12

Matthew 18:21-35

Guide to Parenthood:  Forgiveness in the Family

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” - Ephesians 4:29

The words that are spoken in our home can create an atmosphere of trust, openness, and honesty, or one of hostility and distrust. We need to banish from our homes sarcasm and negative humor because they tear down family members instead of building them up. There are many ways that we can use our words to encourage our children and our spouses. We need to take the time to honor and love our family with our words, so our home can be a safe place for our children to thrive and grow.

April 22 is Earth Day, but maybe we Catholics could call it Creation Day and celebrate the loving Father who gave this world to us to “till and keep”.  Maybe we were thinking of this because Mike was chopping down old trees on our property and we all have sore backs this morning!   But seriously, some may look at the extreme environmentalists and be tempted to move to the other extreme and not take seriously their stewardship of the land and animals that are part of our world - but that is not a Christian response!  Time and time again our Church has encouraged people to take responsibility for creation around us, be it plants, animals, or the earth itself.  We are supposed to take care of it and use it well.  Listen in as we talk about teaching and modeling for our children the correct way to care for the gift of creation. 

For more information and resources visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on another insightful episode of The Messy Family Podcast, where they fearlessly delve into the timeless and relevant topic of headship in marriage in reference to the key passages in Ephesians 5. 

In this episode, the Hernons share the behind-the-scenes of their podcast and video show on YouTube, inviting you to subscribe and become a valuable member of their growing community. They take you on a journey through recent family events, from unexpected hospital visits to the joyous arrival of their seventh grandchild, Declan John.

Amidst the chaos, the Hernons ask for your prayers for a family facing health challenges, emphasizing the power of community and support in navigating life's trials. They also share exciting updates about upcoming events, such as the Good News cruise with Father Mike Schmitz and the Catholic Couples Getaway with Chris and Natalie Stefanik. Stay tuned for announcements for Catholic Couples Getaway 2025!

As the episode unfolds, Mike and Alicia explore the concept of headship in marriage, addressing the age-old question: Do wives have to obey? Gain insights, reflections, and practical wisdom on this crucial aspect of family life. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or part of a messy family, this episode offers valuable perspectives on collaboration, obedience, and the beauty of shared roles in marriage.

Don't miss out on this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that aims to navigate the beautiful chaos of marriage, offering inspiration and support for every member of the messy family community.

"A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." - Proverbs 31:10

Let’s be honest.  Moms do much more work than the average person, especially when they are at home with young children for most of the day.  Even moms who work, or who have a side hustle, rarely pull back on caring for children, running the household, and keeping everyone fed and clothed.  But this great service to the family can also be a burden, it can cause resentment, and it can cause burnout.  Moms can feel stuck, even trapped.  How do we prevent that from happening?  How can we change our perspective and embrace what we do for our family as our path to holiness and sanctification?  It comes down to three things - identity, belonging, and mission.  Listen in to learn more!  

“You know what my bedtime routine was when I was a kid? Darkness!” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

We love our listeners.  And we love answering their questions!  In this episode, we are joined by our Program Coordinator, Katie (Hernon) Gamboa who represents the “every-mom” and gives us some great topics to talk about.  The first issue we tackle is sleep!  Since few young parents ever get enough of it, we help out by giving some tips and tricks as well as perspective.  One of us is good at getting kids to lay down and one is not.  We explain how this happens and how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.  Another great question is in regards to big families.  The more kids you have the more the humanity and brokenness you will experience as a family.  Bringing children into the world isn’t just a matter of another pregnancy, it is another life that you are tied to for the long haul.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint!  How do we soberly decide our family size?  How do you know when and if you should take on a stewardship of another life?  And the last question is in regards to fun.  What does the Hernon family do for fun?  The answer is simpler than you think!  Listen in and join the conversation!

“The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI

Men today can’t do anything right. The world has taken the idea of masculinity and distorted it to the point that it is barely recognizable from the ideal man celebrated one hundred years ago. As dynamic Catholics living in this time, we want to celebrate men and encourage them to reclaim their true identity and realize who God created them to be - fully using their gifts and masculine qualities to serve others. In this podcast, we use the apostolic letter “Into the Breach” written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ to put forward and answer three questions - What does it mean to be a Catholic man? How do men love? And why is fatherhood so crucial?

Referenced in this episode:

The Apostolic Exhortation: Into the Breach

Wild at Heart:

Abba’s Heart:

Check out past posts for Cana 90

"I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood or brotherhood is a condition people have to work at."
– Maya Angelou

Growing up, all each of us remembers was fighting with our siblings. Now, they are our best friends, an integral part of our identity. How did that happen? Creating an environment in which siblings can form sisterhood and brotherhood should be an essential part of your parenting playbook. Your children’s relationships need to survive distance, conflict, and the test of time long after you and your spouse are gone. How do you do that now? How do you make that a priority in your family? Listen in as we share our experiences as siblings and as parents in a large Catholic family.

Our society not only devalues mothers, but also underestimates their importance in the life of a newborn child.  Some biologists believe that humans are born too soon because so much formation happens in the first years of life outside the womb.  The essential element in this formation is the mother. No matter how much time a mother spends with her child vs. being in the workplace, the quality of her relationship with her infant is what makes the difference.  In this podcast, we use the book Being There: The Importance of the First Three Years by Erica Komisak as a reference for parents seeking to do all they can to develop a healthy, securely attached, independent child. 

Buy this book : https://amzn.to/318grhz

Get our messy family newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

Family Retreat Kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/

Related shows

Every Mother is a Working Mother - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-046-every-mother-is-a-working-mother/

High Powered Parents - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-092-high-powered-parents/

There are few tasks in parenting that can be as challenging or as rewarding as disciplining sons and daughters who are moving from childhood to adulthood, otherwise known as teenagers. This is an important time of transition for both them and their parents. Old ways of communicating and protecting them will not be as effective as they were. Some families breeze through this time, while it takes a heavy toll on others. In this podcast, we would like to give some foundational principles that we have found very helpful in discipling, not just disciplining, children who are going through this amazing and critical transformation in their lives. This podcast had so much information in it that we decided to break it up into two parts. This is the second part.

Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires. 

Summary

So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right?  This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them.  Listen in as we reveal Satan’s plan for you and lay out God’s great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan.  

The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits.  We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people!  But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us.  This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year.  In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it.  Join the Fellowship here for the rest of the series! 

Key Takeaways

• Vices are our disordered desires.  Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it. 

• Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids.  

• Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged.  We get this from our Heavenly Father! 

• Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them. 

Couple Discussion Questions

• Where do I struggle to act?  What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas.  Try them each day one at a time. 

• What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive? 

• Think of when someone else was kind to you.  How did it make you feel? 

• List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant

References

• Bishop Barron’s series on the Seven Deadly Sins

• https://www.wofdigital.org/seven-deadly-sins-seven-lively-virtues

• Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak

• https://amazon.com/dp/B00N6PETQ2?ref=KC_GS_GB_US

• Cana90 Fellowship 

• https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/

“When an army retreats on the battlefield, it doesn’t mean that they are giving up. It can mean that they are taking time to reassess and regroup so they can come back stronger. This is the essence of a Family Retreat.” ~ Mike Hernon

The concept of a family retreat is something that we have developed over the years for our own family.  It grew out of our desire to regroup and reconnect with our kids outside of the daily chaos in our home.  To do this, we have taken our children to vacation homes, retreat houses, and occasionally to a hotel, to take some time for family fun, team building activities, teaching and prayer.  We don’t use a set program, but we do have the same principles that we use over and over.  In this podcast, we share these principles with you so you can develop your own retreat for your family.  If you would like more than what is just offered on this podcast - check out our Family Retreat Guide found on our website!  Even if you don’t do a retreat this year, listen in so you can talk about it with your spouse and develop a strategic “retreat” for your family.  

Family Retreat Guide: messyfamilyproject.org/guides/

Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/A5pQ-qaJ9vY

Many times when we think about taking time to pray parents’ first reaction is “I don’t have time to pray!”  But the problem with that is that prayer is the foundation of our life of faith and relationship with God.  As we pray, we grow in knowledge and love of God.  We all need that! In this podcast, we discuss internal prayer which is also called mental prayer.  The many means that the Church has given us to pray such as in our liturgy are beautiful and some are essential, but that is not all there is.  We need to take time to speak to God and hear Him speak to us in the scriptures and within our hearts.  How should you do this?  Where can you start?  Listen in as we share about our own prayer life and walk you through how we take the time to be with Our Lord.  

Referenced:

• Support the Messy Family Project: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/live-podcast-screens/ \
• Join Live Podcast on Screens and Technology: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/