Melrose Place Cast (Two Melrose Fans)

This episode has everything you could ever want in Melrose Place. Amanda and Michael are gumshoe capers trying to crack the case like they're on a special episode of Melrose Place 'Cast Investigates.

Meanwhile, the heartthrob and organrob that is Peter Burns seduces Priscila Presley, only to be busted as two genuine patients of Willowbrook follow him out.

Peter is going to get a full lobotomy, while Michael and Amanda dick around and hang out by the dumpsters outside the building.

Billy and Alison go on one last date and the fire is gone. But wow, does Jake keep eyeing up Alison as she walks away.

Also, Sydney is being recruited/blackmailed as an accomplice and alibi for Jane Mancini to commit her first murder.

#Sisters

Oh, and Jo continues her slow walk to the exit with Dr. O'Malley.

Michael tries several times to kill Sydney, and is either interrupted, thwarted, or chickens out.  Sydney knows that's how their love is for real.  

Jane gets involved in the blackmail business.  Hopefully it will be more fruitful than the design business!

Alison and Billy are getting married but in a story as old as time, they can't decide on who does what for wedding planning.  Plus, Alison decides to withhold sex until their wedding night.

Jake crosses every single boundary in one episode, chasing after the new owner of the Pretty Lady, yelling at AMANDA WOODWARD AT WORK, and knocking her pen cup off the desk.

Jo's having the baby.  Absolutely no one believes this baby is coming to Melrose Place, but we know better...

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If you are as confused and dumbfounded as we are about the re-election of Donald Trump, then join us on this special inauguration day episode.

Mary and I work through each of the characters, with a remarkable ability to know how they voted on a secret ballot, to determine just how the election tilted towards Donald Trump.

If you enjoy episodes where Gail is our special guest, then this one is for you.

If, however, you enjoy episodes with less Kimberly and more Alison, then this episode is ALSO for you.

Join us as we discuss, debate, and dissect this surprisingly entertaining episode of Melrose Place considering how little Kimberly there is!

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Would you believe Puddle has become a Wisconsin sensation by ... get this ... being convicted of first degree MURDER!  Then, when Puddle escapes from prison, 75% of residents of Milwaukee reported that if they knew where this convicted murderer was, they would not tell anyone.  Why?  Because Puddle was ... FRAMED!  Join us on a murder mystery, and perhaps, the discovery of Puddle's whereabouts.  We've been searching for a year.  At long lost, have we found Puddle?

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

Well, mercifully, it's over for Jo Beth Reynolds. She came in as a dark, mysterious, sophisticated photographer from New York City, and left, we think, as Dominick O'Malley's plus one for an uplifting tour of war-torn Bosnia.

But was Jo's entire story line high art for the generations worthy of literary praise, or was it just giving trashy soap opera, and that's fine?

To join us in this important discussion, we have our evergreen rival, Christopher, from Melrose Sheltering in Place Podcast fame.

Let's finish Jo's character off right.

Would you believe it - after nearly two years, we have managed to find Puddle!  It is unclear from our tipsters if Puddle is alive or dead, either gifting his fortune to an unfortunate or blowing up with the unfortunate in a rocket elevator.  Either way, we are HOT ON THE TAIL of sweet, sweet, murderer of children Puddle.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

Throughout our journey searching for Puddle, the "other podcast hosts" have been prime suspects. This month, we are joined by Christopher, from Melrose Sheltering In Place who seems to have a lot of insights and details as to where Puddle has gone. Coincidence? Let's see.

This is the end of the second year that the search for Puddle has been ongoing. Perhaps, at long last, it's over!

GOOD PEOPLE OF THE MELROSE PLACE 'CAST / MODELS, INC. 'CAST / PUDDLE SEARCH 'CAST FANDOM

This week, we have uncovered a legit travesty.  A shocking dereliction of duty.  Mary follows a tip that, spoiler alert, doesn't lead to Puddle, but DOES identify the lost opportunity for a DUET FOR THE AGES.  We're still mad that it didn't happen, and you should be, too.  It's not too late, Hollywood!

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

After the bombing, Michael would have had every right to be turned away from women.

After the false murder accusation and arrest, Matt would have had every right to be turned away from men.

But look, fellas still have needs....

At long last, after literally two years of taking a small joke WAY too far, we have finally been able to crack the case.

Puddle has been found, and those responsible ... well ... perhaps they're listening right now!

Sadly, we say goodbye to Sandy and hello to Keith/Billy manfighting.  Michael assures Jane that it's normal for husbands to want to cheat and Matt gets gay bashed.  

A lot happened - but is it art?

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Look, the writers no longer felt it was necessary to expend energy in writing episode titles.  So what, who cares?

This week, Jess moves in to Shooters, starts working at Shooters, then moves in with Jake while poking around his little half-brother's files as though they were full brothers.  Sydney is onto him and Jess maybe threatens to kill her.  It's a welcome, for sure.

Michael and Amanda continue to progress, with Michael cruelly divorcing Kimberly to be with Amanda.  Amanda sends Brooke $700 of flowers to see if she'll be a D&D Spy.  She will.

Alison meanwhile is flailing in her job trying to fill Amanda's shoes.  In an unpopular opinion, Teege thinks Alison's outfit is phenomenal in its key lime greenness.

And we are joined by Christopher from Melrose Sheltering In Place.

Look, Sydney and Jake.  They're a thing now.  Can we prove it?  Kind of.  Sure, there's no photographic evidence, but there are SHADOW PUPPETS MAKING OUT.  And the shadow puppets have Sydney's distinct hair so there's that.

Jane and Chris are about to get married, but Sydney engineers for Michael and Kimberly to break it up only for them to go on and get married OFF SCREEN?!?  Michael has now had three wives in three seasons and he's had affairs with and on all three of them.  What a guy.

But the real story is that Amanda is expertly manipulating Billy and Susan to continue making Alison's life a living hell, causing her to spend the morning at Shooter's ordering screwdrivers, "this time, not so light on the vodka."

Susan is kicked out and homeless in LA with no job no car no friend and I guess just Billy to fall into.  What ever will happen next?

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It's a very Merry Christmas Miracle - we have found puddle!  After all this time, over a year of searching, thirteen misfires, we are pretty sure that we've found the stuffed dog that won America's heart.  Please, let this be the case.  We follow a tip, an elaborate tale told in one tweet, of magic, mystery, and pages being "restorn" right there in the library.  A melted stuffed dog caps our tale of joy, delight, breaking curfew, and some January 6th nonsense.  

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

Each season, Teege and Mary identify the episode that they think will be the hardest for the other to argue is high art / trash.  We're living entirely in the second half of season two here.  It has everything - Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Pool Fights, Sham Weddings, Murders, Resurrections, Hot Gay Hand Holding ... everything.

Join us as we review the best, and worst, that season two had to offer.

Have you ever wondered how an HR professional might have impacted the characters and storylines of Melrose Place?

Clearly, the writers never did.

We are very excited to bring you the first of a monthly series - where we bring a decorated and internationally recognized expert in all things human resources, and we tell him what has been happening at D&D, the magazine, Shooters, and more.

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!

We interrupt your regular stream of Melrose Place content to discuss our hopes, dreams, and fears for the new Melrose Place Reboot.

When it comes to telling the truth, Billy decides he is going to do it "My Way" by creating a fake girlfriend, tricking her into the charade, and sharing a bed with her despite her misgivings.

melroseplacecast@gmail.com.

The key of the season has truly been found!  Carrie finds out that her son is actually alive and well, and she tries to crash into his life by having an affair with his father.  David and Sarah agree to pursue a secret relationship, since Hillary disapproves.  What could go wrong?  Two suspects in Teri's murder are identified: Hillary because Teri received a threatening note about leaving and was seen fighting with Teri on the balcony, and Carrie who had flashbacks of fighting with Teri on the balcony.  The message: don't fight on balconies.

Meanwhile Hillary lays down the law with Detective Guy and lets him know how he will and will not be allowed to investigate Hillary's people.

Y'all, this show is great!

Well, Sydney is fully in the cult.  And by that we mean, she is locked under ground in the cult's desert compound.  Why did they take her?  What do they have to gain?  Do they think they'll turn her to their side and thus never be charged with this kidnapping?  Who knows.  But of course this happened because Sydney had Tea Time, where she needed to stay up all night serving tea and crumpets to Martin because he never sleeps.  Turns out, he's married to all of the women and sleeping with them in groups.  Sydney is asked by Martin why he should just marry one woman, who made that rule, to which Sydney meekly replied, "God."  She further explains that it's in the ten commandments, which, we call shade.  So we looked up the ten commandments live on this podcast.  It's a religious awakening that you're in for.

Kimberly and Matt are sparring, and Kimberly seems impressed by Matt's deviousness.  They call a truce as Matt's beefcake boyfriend isn't satisfied writing parking tickets.  Beefcake boyfriend, a line for the ages.

Of course we are also advancing the Michael - Amanda mix up.  Amanda is accepting that she has cancer and needs to address it.  She is showing moments of weakness and vulnerability, and needing to rely on Michael for help and support.  Michael says he can't let their friendship get in the way of her treatment.  Umm, again, we call shade.  There is no friendship between these two but whatever.  Let's put them in a hot tub together soon.  You know, for treatment.

Now, don't think Jo and Jake are gone.  They have a scene where they are taking photos of Jo with the motorcycle by the pool, so Austin will see what she looks like right now.  I don't get it, but Amanda comes in, snaps, and unleashes on Jake for having the bike by the pool.

We recorded live and in person, and the looseness of this episode really shows it.

Julie is in charge.

Julie is in charge.

Julie is in charge.

There, we've said it enough to make sure that it's clear that for about 20 minutes, Julie is in charge of Models, Inc.

Stephanie takes advantage of Eric, who turns to drug dealing to make money.  Linda starts a new relationship, and turns Eric in for drug dealing after he hits her.

David still loves Sad Eyed Sarah (you have to listen to understand) but Brian is spending 12 hours with her in one day!  Hillary comes to see David after she is released from jail with her striking blue jumpsuit, only to find that he has left.  SCANDAL!

Stephanie is oddly obsessed with the models on the wall and demands Eric tell her how he likes her body.

If this seems scattered, welcome to Models, Inc.

Also - not one single person seems to care who shot David.

A case file has been prepared and delivered.  Now Mary stands in judgment in the curious case of Teege, Panera, and Late Stage Capitalism.

Merry Early Christmas!

Amanda and Billy spray each other with champaign after dumping Alison in the lake and driving away.

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Okay, listen.  At the end of recording both segments, we recorded the ads.  At the end of the first ad, Teege got an alert about the leaked opinion that the Supreme Court is going to overturn Roe v. Wade.  So ... I guess you get to take part in our real time reactions while we try to keep joking about a magnetic chess machine while wrestling with a return to Gilead.

This week, Alison's alcoholism becomes a problem, while women's basic rights are under assault.  Billy and Susan continue their romance, and Bernie Bros who couldn't let go after the primary are responsible.  Amanda and Michael play a marvelous game of manipulation, while the Supreme Court abandons any hope of objectivity.  

Also, please note the explicit label on this (and every) episode.  We earn it this week.

Ugh, eff this week.

melroseplacecast@gmail.com

Think what you want, but the Nancy Reagan tea at the start of the episode is worth the cost of this podcast.

The characters of Melrose Place are converging, so there are just three main story lines.

Hostile Take Over! Amanda is now the President of D&D, and she promotes Billy in his acid wash jeans to Vice President of Accounts.  Billy, who two years ago, was dating comedians in his taxi.  I wonder if his step son Martin would be proud of him now.  Bruce hangs himself in Amanda's office, leaving a handwritten note behind.  And Alison is in trouble, because when it looked like Amanda was out, Alison let her have it.  Now, Amanda ordered Billy to fire her, but he instead takes Matt's advice and gets Alison into treatment for alcoholism so she can't be fired.  #sneaky

Hostile Taking!  Chris had previously nabbed Sydney off the streets of LA, and now she is the most comfortable kidnapping victim you ever did see.  She is getting massages, drinks with umbrellas, ordering room service, and much to Mary's delight: booking hot air balloon breakfasts.  She calls Jake for help, who remarks that she is the best looking hostage victim he's ever seen.  Coming with Jake for the rescue is Jane and Michael, who have sex in the room since they already paid for it.

Hostile Baby Napping!  Jo is going nuts.  She is yelling down the hallways of a hospital that her baby is alive and it's the doctors who are crazy.  She breaks into Kimberly's house and steals her own baby back, only to be confronted by the police who take Jo's baby away and give it to Kimberly again.  Of course, this baby still has no documents, Kimberly cannot prove to be a parent, and even Michael said, "explain to me again where the little monster came from."

What is even happening?

The curious case of how on earth we have more listeners from Finland than anywhere else.

Also, 7 of you have our podcast as YOUR NUMBER ONE PODCAST!  We're so happy.

This is a self-indulgent special episode about a new Melrose Place podcast, our Spotify Wrapped summary, suburbanites in their natural environment, and AI assessments of the debate for generations: is Melrose Place high art for the generations, worthy of literary praise, or just a trashy soap opera from the '90's.

What on earth was with this title choice?  I mean seriously, at least title it: "SPOILER ALERT: They Shoot Mothers, Don't They?"  Is this a reference that we don't get?  What is happening?  Have they run out of ideas?  

Join us this week as we dissect a DOUBLE episode that has QUADRUPLE the Matt that you're used to and only a QUARTER of the Jane!  Win/win/win.

Amanda survives a drugging and another drugging and attempted murder before reclaiming her job from Whitley, Michael grows a conscience and Matt shows a devious side.

Sydney takes on a roommate after being forced to CONGRATULATE AMANDA on winning her battle with the rent control board allowing for a 33% increase on Sydney's rent.  Yikes.  Sydney's new roommate is, of course, her new spiritual spouse.  RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG all three are ignored.

Alison gets engaged again only to undo it when she sees her fiance sleeping with another woman.  "But babe, she's just some bimbo!" doesn't win over Midwestern Alison and she throws the ring back and tells him to GIVE IT TO THE BIMBO.  Now that she doesn't have another boyfriend, that means she can't possibly be dating Billy.

And the main event.  Jo goes to the lake to retrieve baby Austin/Michael Jr, only to be SHOT IN THE BACK WITH A SHOTGUN by the baby's grandpa/daddy and then decides to give Austin up for adoption so that the writers can get back to what they do best - which is not figuring out how to script a baby.

This week y'all - it was a week.

This is just a fun little romp down season three - which main character had the WORST season?  As in, whose life would you least want to live for the year? For fun, we've thrown in two of Teege's favorite ads from season three.  We'll be starting season four relatively soon.

Here are the brackets:

Billy's Bitches Division
Round One: Brooke / Alison
Winner Takes On: Amanda

Michael's Bitches Division
Round One: Jane / Sydney
Winner Takes On: Kimberly

Murderous Men Division
Round One: Michael / Peter
Winner Takes On: Matt

Jo & Bros Division
Round One: Jake / Billy
Winner Takes On: Jo

Then, of course, each division's winner will advance to the quarter-finals, then the top two will face off before revealing who we think is the ultimate loser of season three.

Well, well, well, the bitch is back.  And by bitch, of course we mean Evil Michael Mancini.  He ties up Sydney and leaves her on Jane's bed, confronts his fiancé for trying to kill him, tries to get her to run him over and then sexes her so good to start and end the show.  I think we can all agree: this is the Michael Mancini we all know and love. Jo takes Alison's legal advice and goes to work out an agreement with Reed's parents.  That goes about as well as you'd think "takes Alison's legal advice" would end up. Billy and Alison are bickering at work, Amanda is loving it, and Daddy, sweet Daddy, reveals his evil plot, RECKLESSLY throws a million dollars over the ocean, gets shot in the chest and blown up.  Will Jake ever survive?  Will Kathy Ireland ever come back? Find out at your local K-Mart! melroseplacecast@gmail.com

When Puddle left Melrose Place, did he really go on to a life of national fame and intrigue, impacting the national dialogue and policies for generations, even annointing a President?  Join us as we follow this latest lead. If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

Seize The Day!  Indeed we did, with an expert guest who is just eleven years old.  

Billy and Alison finally get together, Jane finds Michael naked at Kimberly's place, and Jo is shooting photos on a beach bed.

Seize The Day!

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Look, because we* are completionist, we *have* to go back to past seasons and identify the guest star we'd most like to podcast with.  Of course then at the very end of this podcast, when we've watched our last episode but still keep churning out special episodes, we can have a proper tournament of season champions.

* I am obligated to say that "we" means "Teege"

This week, we'll discuss the season one guest stars to identify who we'd most like to join us in the podcasting studio.  Who would be your picks?

It's a traditional, single-elimination tournament, just like Wrestlemania IV, but with no one skipping to round two.

David / Donna / Steve
v.
Kelly Taylor

Terrance Haggard
v.
Paul Brubecker

Lucy Cabot
v.
Hal Barber

Kay Beacon
v.
Nancy Donner

Dr. Stanley Levin
v.
Palmer Woodward

The Campbells
v.
The Fieldings

Keith Gray
v.
Carrie Fellows

Charles Reynolds
v.
Sam Towler

KISS MY BUTT?!?

Oh, the audacity of late-night television.  The coarseness of 90s nighttime soaps.  No wonder millennials turned out the way we (me, not Mary) did.

This week, Sarah's drinking is back and she yells "kiss my butt!" at a hiring manager.  Cut to Hillary, all raggy, yelling it right back at her.  Sarah continues being drunk, gets fired from Models, Inc. - but still lands a lucrative contract thanks to her shiny hair.

Cynthia is struggling through the recovery process as a victim of sexual assault.  Actual kudos to Models, Inc. for taking this seriously.  Is the recovery a bit soap opera fast?  Yes.  But they did address some real challenges in a serious way, so I'll give them their princess points.

Julie and Craig are moving in together, and he has money and she is in love with him even before she knew he had money so it's real.

But again, the real story is with Monique, the most beautiful ghost in America, Adam/Reed, the most harpooned ghost in America, and Grayson, the most alive ghost in America.  (See, because Adam/Reed thought she was dead?)  Anyway, Grayson moves into the guest room, hits on Adam, so he kicks her back out.  She attempts suicide so she's back in.  It's on again / off agian with Monique and Adam/Reed.  Will these kids ever catch a break?

We are zooming in on the series finale, and Mary is coming to terms with the reality that she will need to watch another episode of this show soon.

Well, nine months from now.

pew, pew, pew!!!

In this episode of Melrose Place, Amanda torches Jake's bike shop, and we barely even notice because Sydney is being Sydney, Jane is in an interesting story line yet somehow boring, and Russian Rhonda is on the scene!

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Well, was this episode all about Brooke, as the title implies?  Nope.

As much as we wanted a Brooke-centric episode, we did not get it.  But we DID land a HUGE special guest ... Jo's Baby Austin, all grown up!  Or, at least that's the best explanation we can come up with for why someone about Austin's age is the Melrose Place Facebook Group Internet Sensation with an encyclopedic knowledge of Melrose Place despite being nowhere near the demographic of the audience.  Also, you can see his etsy shop here: TheCuckooBin - Etsy and perhaps reach out to him and encourage him to create some Melrose Place themed dolls.  Perhaps Kimberly with a removable wig?  Alison with the dark glasses?  The possibilities are endless.

Unlike the relationship potential between Amanda and Michael.  Michael has proposed to Amanda, meaning he has proposed to and married Jane, proposed to and killed Kimberly, been force-proposed to and married Sydney, been proposed to and married back from the dead Kimberly, and no proposed to and got laughed at by Amanda Woodward.  So that's done.

What's not done is that Sydney is blackmailing Michael and Kimberly out of their $100,000 insurance settlement for reasons that were not clear to us, although the other podcasts seemed to correctly identify that it is to help Jane's business.  

Jake and Jess are comically fighting over Jo, while Jess steals credit cards to take Jo and Jake out to dinner while Jo is wearing an objectively beautiful shirt that Mary thinks just came from TJ Maxx.

Meanwhile, Brooke is putting the moves on Billy, and finds a lot of tension can be released from a table pounding game of air hockey at the Santa Monica Pier.

All this, plus two fantastic sponsors!

This is a unique situation for us - a main-stay character is coming aboard with just enough background for Mary and I to speculate while simultaneously being someone we know nothing about.

So while Sydney and Kimberly both had some guest appearances before becoming a season regular, we both knew what to expect.

Sam? No clue.

So Mary and I are guessing - with our rival and threat to our podcast kingdom, Christopher, is here to tell us how close we are.

While Mary's not being persuaded, Teege is liking this show, dare we say, a bit more than Melrose Place!  The drama, the intrigue, the underlying motivations never fully explored by the writers, it's all so fantastic!

This week, Carrie keeps pushing her way in to the life of the family who adopted her son.  We see two flashback scenes of Terry's last moments on the balcony, a detective interrogates, dates, questions, dances with, accuses, and sleeps with Hillary.  Alone.  All while Hillary refuses to let any of her models meet without a lawyer.

Plot twist: Eric continues to be awful, this week seeming to pimp out his girlfriend on the hopes of getting a break in his music career.

And we learn why Sarah is so squeamish about moving too fast with David - she's holding out for her first time to be special.  

Also, some fun back story on what awful people Chaz and Hank were.  #stillspinningoff

All this, and more, on this episode of Models, Inc.!

Okay, fine - so the incest was creepy. Let's try to jazz this up with two former fiancés who always seemed like a better brother and sister than they did future spouses.

However - is the Folgers ad too boring without the incest overtones?

At long last, Mary is rescued from the basement and promises that today, on this good day, we will finally hear what happened to Puddle.

Also, we find out who has been talking about us online.

It's a Christmas Miracle!

PLEASE HELP US THEY HAVE TAKEN AWAY ALL MODELS, INC. VIDEOS OFF OF THE INTERNET.

This is an urgent plea. 

Please help us CRACK THE CASE and release the tapes.

Dear listeners: Sydney is currently the main character.

Jane finds herself in what may be a fulfilling relationship, but a boring story lane.

Jake and Amanda progress, and Alison is catching eyes for a new, more mature gentleman caller.

melroseplacecast@gmail.com

It's the spin off Mary has claimed she's been wanting for years: an all out Kimberly / Matt sitcom. But, it's still Melrose Place, so it's filled with dramatics, crime fighting, sex, and sarcasm.

In this remix, Jack Parezi comes into the universe, not to get Amanda back, but to get back at Kimberly and Matt. Will evil triumph over more evil?

"The needy people always get the attention."  Teege thought this was a fact so plainly obvious, no argument would be necessary.  Mary disagreed, leading to some awkward infighting.  We pushed through it, though.

Chris from the JC Penny's Bow Tie Section is gone, Susan is on her way out, and we appear to be rearranging the direction of the characters to push towards an explosive season three.

Peter's takeover of D&D is complete and Amanda is now the President.  Only after the coup is complete does Peter reveal his true colors - he is creepy and jealous and over protective and needs to be dealt with.

We get the classic Americana line of, "Your bitch wife stole my baby!" and we learn that Michael knowing the truth is going to defend his sweet wife and keep Michael Junior in the beach house.

Jo continues to play nice trying to get her baby back, Jo and Sydney break up, and Alison is going all Alison in rehab.

Join us as this long journey continues.

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In yet ANOTHER special episode giving us time to recover from the first season of Melrose Place, Mary and I challenge each other to prove the point.  We each had to re-watch an episode of season one that would be the hardest to prove the trashy/artsy point, and come to the defense of our argument anyway.

It's like high school debate club, but with lower stakes.

So, was Billy having his "own little family" for a few days high art?  Teege does his best to say it was.

Was Sandy being mistreated by her friends while Paul was stalking her trashy?  Mary does her best to say it was.

You get the point.

Skip this episode if you must, but it's a good review of the highs and lows of Season One.

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If you are our age, and since you're listening to this podcast we assume you are, then you likely had a friend in Puddle, even if you didn't know it.  Teege chases down a lead that suggest Puddle was a friend to millions, trained a generation on entry level website editing skills, and made a gajillion dollars without involving Russian troll farms.  

Is this the break we've needed to end this mini-series?

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

The reboot hasn't happened ... YET.

Instead, we ask our robot to help us imagine a scenario where the characters of Melrose Place are now running a small college.

Scandal.

Tomfoolery.

Betrayal.

Kimberly's ghost.

I'd enroll.

Sammy Salami joins us to offer a hot tip on Puddle's whereabouts.  Rumor has it, he was trapped in the bottom of a backyard whale, euphemism implied.  

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com

Together, we will #findpuddle

Things are just getting wilder and wilder. And we're not just referring to the actor who played Reed Carter / Adam Louder!

Amanda is standing vigil at Jack's bedside, reasonably confusing the nurse into believing that Amanda is praying for a speedy recovery. Instead, Amanda whispers death threats in his ear, considers pulling the plug, and beats Jack until he dies, leaving Sydney in the doorway to make it clear that she's here to enter the main event plot and blackmail Amanda, while wearing a stunning hat.

The in-law relationships continue to be messed up. Jake sleeps with Shelly while Jo walks in at the same time Alison continues to sleep with Billy's father-in-law. They've moved in, as you'll remember, and Alison sneaks into a shrine room to Haley's ex-wife. It makes no sense, so let's just move on. But not before we relish the line delivery of Kristen Davis to Alison: "I'd like a progress report on my father's account." <Pause for a report> "How do you like living in my house?"

Kimberly is now FULLY sane. Nothing to worry about there. Nothing to see here. She just numbs her hand with a bucket of ice, takes a shot of whiskey, and CRUSHES HER HAND IN A WAFFLE IRON to get her bracelet off. When she later is asked by none other than DOCTOR JOYCE BROTHERS, she explains she had an ironing accident. Also, this crushed hand is being treated only by an ace bandage. Okay.

Matt is back to his social causes t-shirt, this time celebrating the Tanqueray AIDS ride. He's back in medical school, which remains a terrible plot hole, but didn't pass his test. Except Dr. Michael Mancini returns the falsified records favor and changes Matt's failing 498 into a passing 502.

There's some shenanigans happening with Richard. He is taking Jane and Jo to Hawaii, then ships Jane off to New York, and tells Jo that he wouldn't mind a little romance. Bad boss. Jo tells him off, and goes to reunite with Jake, who doesn't stop from sleeping with his dead brother's wife just because his girlfriend walks in.

And that, my friends, is Melrose Place.

Well, Sydney's plans finally come into view.  She is outright blackmailing Michael, her sister's ex-husband who is still paying alimony, into marrying her.  Is it a good idea?  Does it demonstrate good judgment?  Will this end well?

No, no, and no.  But is it fun and entertaining?  Yes.

Jake takes a swing at Billy - and connects!  In this moment, we are all Jake Hansen.

And Jo, well, she is facing a very serious charge of murder in the first degree.  So of course it wraps up in one episode.  You know, as life happens.

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This is the one where Michael finally cheats on Jane and her character finally gets interesting.  (By that, of course, we mean Kimberly.  Jane is still quite boring.)

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Yes, we know that the title of the episode reads differently in different places, but we are sticking with what the source material (Paramount Plus) tells us.

This week, eight story lines converge in one awesome Melrose Place Party. We Survived The Blast Of '95! Everyone, except Mackenzie Hart, is invited.

The party was decidedly awful. Michael and Sydney showed up eating all of the meatballs and tormenting Kimberly. Kimberly showed up to apologize, stayed for the ENTIRE PARTY, and then went down in the basement to meet Henry. Peter Burns who TRIED TO REMOVE AMANDA WOODWARD'S VITAL ORGANS TO MURDER HER told her to watch out for her husband.

Jane and Richard are coming apart, with Richard starting his own company for his men's wear line. Men's wear, by the way, is not a real thing for fashion innovation.

Jake and Jo are also pulling apart, right at the time that Shelly is coming on hard and strong to Jake.

In an incredibly uncomfortable moment, Brooke asks Alison how sex with Brooke's daddy compares to sex with Brooke's husband. What the actual eff, y'all?

Finally, Jack Parezi pushes himself into D&D (Thank you, Brooke), then into the Blast of '95 Bash (Thank you, Brooke), and tricks Amanda into coming to his new LA mansion alone to meet his fiance, who turns out to be, DUN DUN DUN, Amanda.

Apparently, this was a play on the phrase "booby trap" - and it took Mary's English degree to figure it out. Bobby and Amanda are in mortal danger, although the end is not in doubt.

Sydney is eating the most godawful bagel situation you could imagine. Even Michael is grossed out.

Michael drugs Kimberly, and then is shocked that she doesn't want to get back together.

Jane is recovering nicely, and drags Jake's dirty ass boots into the pool. Yuck.

In a recent special episode, expert guest Christopher (of Melrose Sheltering In Place infamy) told us that Sam was the worst character on Melrose Place - and her actions led directly to the worst thing that happened in the entire series.

Of course, Mary and Teege have no idea what he's referring to.

Of course, that won't stop us from throwing out haphazard guesses anyway.

Join us in trying to guess, "What did Sam do?!?"

Well, everything wraps up and ends. It is a sad, sad say for Teege and Mary, as the Models, Inc. 'Cast comes to its inevitable end. Of course, we knew there was no second season when we started, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Grayson's promised hitman arrives, accidentally killing Grayson at the wedding WITH NO VIABLE ESCAPE ROUTE, and chloroforms Carrie to Hell, Baby, Hooker Hell, somewhere in Central America.

Sarah's dad comes to town and punches Ben in order to defend Sarah from her addictions. Turns out, he is an alcoholic as well, swearing off the drink the day Sarah was born.

Anna is persona non grata in Models, Inc., and falls down the stairs with Cynthia and Julie walking away, leaving her to crawl to a phone on her own.

Hillary closes Models, Inc., just in time for Craig to propose to Julie.

Like that, the show, and this spin-off podcast, is over.

The debate begins.  However, perhaps the real question is how Jane's character could get any more boring.

Email us at melroseplacecast@gmail.com!

"Ladies and Gentleman, We Got 'Em!" is what you might imagine the LAPD saying as they have MADE AN ARREST in the murder of Teri Spencer.  Hillary triumphantly announces this, saying "It's all over" even though she was also arrested for the murder of Teri Spencer and it did not turn out to be all over at that point.  Something suggests there may be some twists and turns coming our way.

Eric and Linda have a feud, as Linda refuses to bail Eric out of jail and says goodbye.  Eric reveals that he still has the blackmail tape of Linda, and Chris rescues her as a prince charming yelling, "Stay away from her, she's mine!"  Awww, sweet romance.

Sweet Sarah from Iowa is not sleeping with Brian, sees that he has a shrine to her looking just like Teri Spencer, FEELS THE NEED TO SPEAK INTO THE CAMERA "he's making us look the same" and then goes back to David for comfort.  Meanwhile, Julie is just going to move in with David.  After all, keeping an eye on David is her favorite thing to do.  But just an eye.

But we start with some hot news from the Melrose Place facebook group where Teege's post about Models, Inc. generated more engagement than ANYTHING about Melrose Place in the last few months, including actual content from actual Jack Wagner who was the actual Dr. Peter Burns.  Perhaps there is some Models, Inc. nostalgia out there waiting to be tapped like a sycamore in a Vermont forest ready to release some maple syrup.

Join us for this monthly update of Models, Inc. 'Cast!

What a sad loss of potential it was for all of the Models, Inc. characters to be sent away when Hillary closed the business.

Imagine, if you will, a scenario where David comes to LA, not knowing Amanda is his sister, and then...

Alison is thankful to know Dr. Michael Mancini, Billy is Santa, and Jo is the one exhibiting KGB tendencies.

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Just a quick little interlude into your regularly scheduled program to share our deliberations on naps.

Sandy's gone.  Join us for this Very Special Episode where we discuss her entire character arc on Melrose Place.  It's a short episode.

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In what was clearly a mid-season finale, Melrose Place amped up the drama!

Sydney accidentally kills (?) Jane, with tranqs prescribed by Kimberly.

Michael goes to a room full of doctors and demands that someone call 911 to ... get ... a ... doctor.

Peter and Amanda continue to warm to each other.

Jo has a change of heart about kicking Jane out of the business, but afterwards, Jane finds the paperwork so now she's super mad.

Brooke finds out the pregnancy was a fraud, just as we thought. But Billy is now totally into the idea of the baby and Brooke. So much so, that he pretended to have an affair with Alison.

I promise, it made sense in context.

Matt and Kimberly continue their adventures, although robot seems to have forgotten that this was to be a sitcom.

Either way, we manage to catch up with Kay Beacon, who makes a stunning reappearance in the Melrose Place universe after last being spotted criticizing Jane for the rent on a storefront.

This week with a special guest who is an expert on harsh judgment.  She couldn't have arrived too soon.

Join us as we discuss a "very special episode" of Melrose Place, discussing absent mothers, racial strife, and baby seminars.

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You'll never guess who is pro-gun and anti-gun in the Melrose Place universe.  

Billy and Amanda are apparently now in love and moving in together?  WHAT?

Alison is carjacked and Mary is offended by the shading in Alison's flashbacks.

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Either Teege's standards are dropping, or this show is heating up just as it was about to get canceled.  You listen in and decide.

Monique is planning to scale back her wedding since Adam spent $5,000,000.00 on his divorce from Grayson to get her out of their lives for good.  (Spoiler alert: it didn't work!)  Grayson is now a co-owner of Models, Inc. and is sending Monique on junk shoots.  Nude modeling, mud baths, etc.  Fun times.

Eric is getting out of prostitution.

Cynthia is getting into bulimia.

Sarah goes to see her ex-boyfriend, Mark the Priest, as he delivers his first mass.  Of course, she ends the episode finding out she's pregnant.

Julie and Craig are seesawing back and forth, including Julie going on a date with a football player who is not the one who made Alison cheat on Billy.  Although he probably could have if he wanted.

Hillary and Grayson continue to have tension, and Grayson is UP TO SOMETHING.  She mysteriously tells Adam that she has something on him, saying, "You'll never guess what it is but believe me when I play my hand you'll never get rid of me.  

Adam can't imagine what this could be.

Y'all, go find you a copy of Models, Inc., and stick with it, because it's good!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw shows up for the first time, and Melrose Place will never be the same again.

Jane and Michael are rudely gifted a dog that they did not want or ask for.

Billy wears a bra.

Matt shoehorns in a teachable moment about HIV.

What more could you want in one episode of Melrose Place?

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Why are we calling him Dick, now? Is this some pop culture moment from way back that we don't understand? Or was it meant to be a bit racy?

Peter and Amanda are arguing over whether or not Peter killed his first wife. Amanda, mystically, thinks he could never do something like that even though he was on probation for attempting to murder her.

Michael is helping Kimberly along, hoping she'll regain her memory, but mostly being a dutiful husband. It's nice.

Matt continues to be on drugs, and is kind of a hottie little drug user.

The story of the week remains with Jane - who is admittedly not boring this week. Throw in the comedy of errors with Sam slowly realizing that something isn't quite right with Jane and Sydney, and you've got yourself an actually entertaining story line. Hopefully it goes on for a long time.

Alison and Jake continue to secretly date. Hopefully this does not.

Taylor continues to be an intriguing new character. Far more so than Kyle or Sam. She clearly has a thing for Peter, and Amanda is starting to figure it out.

In an epic collaboration between different intellectual properties, the cast of Melrose Place must confront enemies darker and more mysterious than ever before.

With Richard literally crawling out of the ground after being buried, we ask robot to help us imagine a scenario where Melrose Place and The Walking Dead cross over.

Who will win in a leadership battle between Amanda Woodward and Rick Grimes?

Is Daryl Dixon or Alison Parker the better sidekick?

Which Melrose Place characters will take advantage of the zombie horde to begin an illicit affair?

Also, who was the Scud Stud?

What's more offensive to the universe - Melrose Place's lack of a second comma in the title, or the fact that Jane's storyline is, and I hate to say this, interesting?

Jane is mixed up with Sydney and Michael, plus a bit of Jo and Richard thanks to her paralysis. Sydney tries to shove her off into a nursing home, only to send her out into the ocean instead. Jake saves her.

Speaking of Jake and saved, Bobby Parezzi appears to have cleared Jake's debt with the goon, making Bobby a boss goon, making Amanda Woodward First Lady Goon.

Of course, because Bobby and Amanda are together again. Leaving Peter to scheme his way back into Amanda's heart, presumably by seducing Bobby's lawyer, who freed Matt from a murder charge.

Speaking of Matt, he is showing early signs of needing a little boost to make it through his studies while still going to wild canyon parties with Alan instead of Alison.

Well through a lot of back and forth, we reached an agreement: Mary would watch just two episodes of Models, Inc. and Teege would review them all.  So let's get started!  We bring you this one special episode of Models, Inc. in the hopes of getting you hooked on the show not currently available for purchase on DVD, digital download, or any streaming service.  Legally.

But WOW was the show good and yes, this is Teege writing the description.  Join us for this special episode that had to be broken into three parts even though we had just one advertiser.

And if you decide to watch Models, Inc. - please, please, please, email us at melroseplacecast@gmail.com.  Please tell us we are nota lone.

ALERT!  ALERT!  ALERT!

The first known case of Melrose Place blackmail has begun.  Sydney lays it out for Michael, and he is trapped.

Alison makes it clear that she is interested in Steve Jobs, who asks Jo out on a date.

Amanda and Jake make it Facebook official and Jo is not happy.

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This episode of Melrose Place is one of the first "never forget" episodes.  Jo and Reed are having troubles, so she stabs him, throws him overboard, shoots him through the heart, talks him down while he dies, covers him in a tarp, and holds up the coast guard.  We're going to say that her New York instinct failed her.

Things are cooking with Michael and Sydney - now that she has blackmail over Michael, she's decided that she's moving in!  How far is she going to go with these little shenanigans?  Oh, just wait...

Meanwhile Billy and Alison are getting MARRIED!  Or at least, they had a great weekend in New York where they broke up for good and then Billy moved back to LA and proposed to Alison with a dramatic cliff hanger.  Will she?  Won't she?  Who knows?!?

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I don't know what's bigger news - the storylines in Models Inc. or that Hardee's used to sell cinnamon raisin breakfast sandwiches for 99 cents.  Also, that last claim was quickly debunked.

Chris and Linda continue in their odd relationship, now with a new daddy!  Carrie, the sister of the original most beautiful woman in America, feels old and ugly.  Monique, the new most beautiful woman in America turns down Brian only to be dejected by Reed Carter playing a character names Adam.  Sarah is drunk as hell as though she never left Iowa and David and Julie break up, get back together, start a business, dissolve the business, and break up again.  

Oh, and as will always be the case, Hillary wins.

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Yes, the main plot is that Billy's dad died, but really, I think we can all agree that the real meat of the story is with Kimberly and Michael.  It's a big, beautiful piece of meat that you might want to just stick in a broiler and eat with some nice red wine.

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Any chance Amanda can get here sooner?

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We are fortunate this week to be joined by a surprise drop in special guest - Christopher from Melrose Sheltering In Place!  Having seen the entire series, but somehow only a third of this episode, he brings us perspective on the long view.  And he comes down on side Teege: Mary should watch this show.

In what can only be described as a mid-season finale, all of the story lines wrap up.  Eric and Linda are over, and Eric is leaving town.  The porno blackmail has been dealt with.  Sarah and David are done, and David is with Julie, where he belongs.  Carrie comes clean about her son and Paul leaves her to go back to his wife.  The murderer is revealed, jailed, and taken off of the show.  

But two new models are on the scene: Cynthia, who has a five year plan, and Monique Duran, who, I swear to god, is the most beautiful woman in America.

Join us on our monthly check up on Models, Inc.!

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In what world is this an appropriate title for this episode? Join us for this, and other deep questions as we are firmly entering the middle of season four.

Hayley is gone, Alison is now a formerly blinded alcoholic widow with presumably no place to live, Billy is about to be a daddy and Brooke is furious and an adult orphan.

Amanda and Peter continue to progress, but Amanda is daydreaming about Bobby Kennedy. Which, aren't we all, as long as we're referring to Bobby Kennedy Sr.?

Kimberly is going to become a shrink. We begin the discussion aghast at that turn of events, but ultimately, acknowledge the restraint the writers of Melrose Place had in waiting until episode 13. Also, Kimberly, who would of course be on a first name basis with the LA PD, is able to bring in a tied up gentleman, with a confession, and the police just take him in?

Jo continues to get more suspicious of the game Jane is playing, but Richard reveals that he plans to dissolve the corporation. Meanwhile, literally no element of this love quadrangle is believable. Michael and Jane? Nope. Jo and Richard? Nop. Jane and Richard? Nah. Who else? I don't know - it just Michael and Sydney that make sense, even though Sydney is now suspicious of Jane's intentions.

This show, y'all, is something else.

This. Day. Has. Finally. Arrived.

The crossover episode with Nan and Christopher, the hosts of Melrose Sheltering In Place join us to discuss the episode where a wheely office chair is driven to the airport for a Classabanca reference.

Also, in a surprise to no one, Jake is not a feminist.

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Kimberly has fully returned, and this is the wig snatch episode!  The original (by our estimation) wig snatch on prime time television!

What else happened?  Sydney tells Billy and Allison they're going to get divorced, Alison's dad hires a pushy wedding planner, Jane gets told she should design table cloths, and Amanda's mother shows up for the beginning of the Models Inc. spin off series!

In the arc of Melrose Place history, this episode may be one of the top five most significant episodes.

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Brooke starts to become aware of a budding romance between Alison and Daddy thanks to a huge bouquet of rose buds coming from Daddy's favorite flower shop. Of course, that is the most strained line of logic to make the plot work, but it's probably good enough.

Jane's mutiny is decidedly boring - hardly a mutiny if you ask us. And, you're downloading this episode, so we'd say you are asking us. But, the feud between Jane and Jo is starting now, as Jo is oddly invested in whether or not Jane loves Richard. At their engagement party, Jo tells Richard that Jane doesn't love him. When asked by Richard, Jane refused to say she loved him, only suggesting that "in time" - she will. Yawn. Let's get this Richard story line cooking, please.

Kimberly is released, leading to one of the most hilarious scenes, as Sydney knocks on Peter's door, only to find Kimberly, with a "gadget" on her wrist.

Of course, Kimberly was offended that the state might want to keep track of her with that gadget, after just one little apartment building bombing.

Okay, we are now fully reset from the season three finale. Bring on the new direction!

Well, this was a doozy.  During this episode, we discuss the pacing of Melrose Place.  Spoilers to the season three finale to come in this description.  Although the show is old enough to be beyond the "spoiler" zone.

We only have 8 episodes left until the season finale where Kimberly blows the place up after going through her No More Victims cult training.  Alison is back on the booze because Billy is getting married.  TO WHO?!?  The one death in the explosion hasn't even arrived, much less found herself in the love triangle that put her at Melrose Place to begin with.  And are we crazy, or does Alison become President of D&D and taunt a client about his mother's suicide before we get to the finale?  HOW DOES ALL OF THIS HAPPEN?!?

Anyway, here and now, Michael and Amanda are exploring New York, and Michael is smitten with Miss Woodward, a fact that does not land well with Kimberly.  Ultimately, Amanda is going to get her treatment but we got these two characters mashed together so she can recover but still be romanced.

Sydney is jealous of Jane for stealing her boyfriend, which is quite hollow ground for Sydney to be stamping her feet on.

But the dramatic tension comes from Officer Gay Face getting busted, only to break in to dinner with Matt and Jo (when did this start happening?) with a gun saying if he's going to jail for one accidental death, it might as well be three.  Matt pretends to want to date Gay Face, just long enough for Jo to wrestle the gun away from him and say she is sick of being the victim.  Jo.  The woman who harpooned her boyfriend while pregnant.  Sorry, this doesn't check out.

Plus, two great sponsors. 

It's almost over - unless someone comes through with the Models, Inc. reboot we've all been hoping for!

This is the second to last episode ... and the final one before Mary watches the show again before recording a podcast about it. Does that mean she has been coming to this spin-off unprepared? You decide.

Eric leaves his lady for good.

Sarah has to turn on Grayson after failing a drug test, stripping with no memory of it, accidentally giving away $40,000 for one dance, and getting fired from her big Ann York campaign.

Anna sleeps with the Director of Skin Deep in order to get the role based on Julie. When confronted by her step-sister, she says of course she slept with the Director to get the job - she was playing Julie, after all!

Finally, Grayson wins custody of her baby thanks to blackmailing the judge for his "judicial restraint." Then, she loses custody when the judge is re-blackmailed for his "judicial restraint."

It all ends next month!

Sydney figures out Matt and Michael's illegal scheme, and clunkily moves towards blackmail.  Jo gets suspicious of Reed, finds drugs in a small compartment and gets held hostage in that same compartment that grew to the size of a tiny house.  Billy and Alison are having bicoastal relationship troubles, and Matt and Jeffrey say the gay away.

Also, Gail launches a vicious attack on Teege, and Mary's whereabouts the night of an infamous Halloween arson are discussed.

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Okay, so a brother / sister remix weirded Mary out.

So did big brother / little brother even though they just act like they're full brothers, when in reality, they're half brothers.

So let's go in another direction. We asked robot to write us a version of the ad that even frat boys wouldn't be weirded out by.

Well, perhaps robot understood frat boys better than us.

Well, Mary comes down from the Great White North with a hot pot of scalding tea: we've all been singing along to Puddle's music for years, and girl we just didn't know it was true!  Was Puddle's run on Melrose Place a rouse for his career flop?  Was Sydney's mattress meant to be a launching pad?  And where exactly does Ashlee Simpson fit into all of this?  Look, if we were wrong about Lisa Loeb, then maybe we're onto something with this week's musical tip.  

Sadly, not this time.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com Together, we will #findpuddle

Michael and Jane are going to get back toge....well that was short lived.

On this episode, Mary gives us plenty of reasons to question her feminism and Teege perhaps starts to commit identity theft.  Jo and Reed get closer together, Matt and Jeffrey begin to explore the challenges of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and Billy gets promoted and must move to New York in time for the next sweeps week.

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Melrose Place is back for another season, and so are we!

We come back to see what happened with the fact that Richard, while dead, was literally crawling out of the ground. His psychological warfare on Jane Mancini is epic. Also, who exactly is the villain in this scenario?

Alison and Jake are dating behind Billy's back, to spare his feelings. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

Peter is in jail, and his arrest apparently makes front page news in ::checks notes:: BOSTON - where Taylor sees it and decides to blackmail her husband into moving to LA immediately, given the things he's done to her in the past. They own restaurants.

Jo is officially gone.

Matt is on drugs.

Kimberly can't remember having dinner with Peter, and shockingly, her memory is the only thing that would save Peter from the death penalty over the murder of ::checks notes:: Bobby Parezi, not his first wife or the attempted murder of his second.

Can this title have been any more in appropriately selected? One google search for Triumph of the Will and we feel like we're on a watch list somewhere.

Anyway - this week was fun. Amanda suddenly has a boss that's part of the ol' boys network, who totally has a bromance for Billy. To get her way to the top (?) of the agency that she is currently President of, she sleeps with Billy, while staring at the ceiling. To make it more demeaning, they did it at the conference, with Billy (presumably) loud enough for everyone to hear.

Rita is here - as the new version of Kimberly / Betsy - and she is a bad ass boss bitch.

Alison quits D&D over discomfort with the ethics.

Also, a big healthy dose of Julie Newmar.

Imagine, if you will, Matt operating as a more dutiful best man / gay of honor for Michael and Sydney's wedding in season two? What would have happened if he had hired Rhonda's Culinary Funk to do the catering?

"Does Michael know about this?"

Episode two is here, and great news - so is Kelly Kapowski and the high school kids!

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Things just keep spicing up.

Peter is, for some reason, trying to rescue Kimberly from the consequences of her bombing.

Sydney and Amanda are still living together, a plot with so much potential that is never appropriately explored.

Blind Alison continues to draw Billy's attention, much to Brooke's chagrin.

Broke's father demands Brooke divorce Billy if she wants $100,000.

Jane keeps pushing, pushing, pushing her way in to Richard.

And Sydney gets hired by Mancini Burns Medical Practice.

If you've been searching for Puddle in vain, perhaps it's because you've only been searching on the ground.  Our latest hot tip on the whereabouts of Puddle instructs us to look up to the sky.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts of Puddle, please post to social media using #justiceforpuddle or email your hot tip to melroseplacecast@gmail.com

Together, we will #findpuddle

Well, Mary continues to be offended by the offensive and offending episode titles - this one about Brooke playing the role of satan in a dripping dress from her accidental drowning.

We get into it this week - more fan mail, this time involving a purple urn, ala Paul Bearer in 1996. We also discuss Matt, Allen, and the alleged lesbian involved in their relationship.

We discuss Amanda and Bobby, but only out of contractual necessity. But Peter and Alycia are at least interesting in this whole mess.

What else? I don't remember - but you will once you watch this great episode with us!

Kay Beacon is back - but likely just for one episode where she tries to rent a space that already has a Mancini Designs sign over it.  How will Jane afford this?  Easy - she just inhereted 100 Gees from Gramm who died and left a sweet $100,000 to Jane and Michael Mancini.  But uh-oh, Michael and Sydney, you know, the OTHER Mrs. Mancini, show up to claim their half and now Jane has got them bills, bills, bills.

Michael gay bashes Matt.  Jake forces Jo to work at her crime scene.  Jo has to tell a guy that she's pregnant with her murder victims baby, but she leaves out the key details.  

But here we go with the main story line for the back quarter of the season - Alison goes home and is clearly troubled by nightmares and painful memories of life in Wisconsin.

This week, we are joined by an expert guest, author E. Michael Mettille, who wrote the Lake of Dragons trilogy (with two more editions coming) and Hell and the Hunger.  You can check out his work here: https://www.themikereynolds.com/

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Coming soon - a FIVE WEEK special considering what would have happened if Matt and Kimberly had run off together after season three when they were both facing charges for murder.

Mystery.

Crime.

Murder.

Intrigue.

All this, and more.

All. July. Long.

Things are heating up on Melrose Place.  In a moment that should never be forgotten, Alison receives flowers from an anonymous beau at work, and for reasons that boggle the mind, she proceeds to tell her boss, Amanda Woodward, that she is pretty sure Amanda's boyfriend sent them.

Turns out, no, it was just Keith.  He's back.  Do we like it?  No.  Do we approve?  No.  Is there a way to spin that positively?  No.

Also - we read the second fan email we have ever received!  You too can have your email read on the podcast in two months by emailing melroseplacecast@gmail.com

The season finale of season two had everything!  Attempted murder, a life saved by the first ex-wife, lawsuits, betrayals, surprise testimony, Jake juggling Amanda and Jo, Alison running from her wedding, Mr. Parker's heal turn, a surprise heroine appears in the form of Alison's newfound sister, Matt kisses a boy (off screen, of course) - and surprisingly little attention is paid to the fact that apparently Billy's mom is too sick to travel to his wedding.

Don't worry though, Billy doesn't seem to be bothered by that news.

Also, this week's sponsor is real!  http://www.baldguygreetings.com - promo code MELROSE

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It's Ebenezer Woodward!  Or Amanda McScrooge!  Get it, as in Scrooge McDuck.  Look. Melrose Place took us on a Dickens thrill ride, now with the added enhancement of "feel the rope burn on my neck.  Touch it!"  She turns over a new leaf, but not before telling Alison how she feels about "Pity Me Pines" and telling Donatelo Versace, the fashionable Ninja Turtle, that her nephews can't go to college.

Billy and Alison are clearly rekindling, even though there's no evidence that Alison knows Susan is out of the picture.  Of course, because Alison is again into Billy, she's now ready to take on a new boyfriend.

Sydney and Jane decide to go back to Illinois for Christmas and are not in the show.  Also no evidence that Jane has lost $500,000.

Matt and Jeffrey break up so we can gear the show towards the second half of the season and we get some real tea on how gay men were dealing with AIDS in 1994.

But the big news - Michael tricks Kimberly into going to work so she can deliver Michael Junior to Jo, throwing in some shade about how Jo caused them so much strife just because they stole her baby.  Kimberly gets revenge by calling the Carters and letting them know that the baby IS AAAAALLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE!

Also, we are fortunate to have an expert millenial guest, Kailagh, who takes a strong stance on potluck etiquette, becomes a fan of Melrose Place, and gets the quick rundown of every characters' backstory from two of the foremost experts on Melrose Place, Teege and Mary!

Y'all, the podcast for this episode may have been more fun than the episode was.

Oh and Peter's not bad again.  Cool cool.