MAG - Marriage advice, Relationship Encouragement, We discuss Sex, Money, Finances and everything In-between, Marriage Tips and tricks and Conversations with Couples About Marriage (Aaron & Jennifer Smith)
Explorez tous les épisodes de MAG - Marriage advice, Relationship Encouragement, We discuss Sex, Money, Finances and everything In-between, Marriage Tips and tricks and Conversations with Couples About Marriage
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 06 Jun 2018 | Are you a liar in your marriage? | 00:25:19 | |
Lying is one of those things that can easily get overlooked, although it affects marriage in big ways. In this episode of Marriage After God we discuss the impact of lying, what scripture says about it, we share personal examples of small lies in our marriage, and we challenge husbands and wives to evaluate whether they are liars or walking in integrity. Lying, both big lies and little lies, causes disunity and distrust in marriage. A marriage after God, a husband and wife after God, are people of light and integrity, pursuing and cultivating truth in everything they do.31-Day Marriage Prayer Challenge: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle The Unveiled Wife Book: I Love My Wife Shirt: -- FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 07 Aug 2019 | Some Creative Ways To Help You Get Out Of Debt | 00:44:43 | |
There are many reasons why you might want to make some side money. Getting out of debt was the reason we did. In this episode, we share with you some very unique and creative ways to make some extra cash today. We start off the episode with how the Bible teaches us to view money to get our minds and hearts in the right place. PRAYER Thank You for providing scripture about money, about how we should view it and how we should steward it. We pray we never have a love of money. We pray we would be wise in how we make our money, how we spend it and save it. We pray our finances would honor You. Help us to be united in marriage when it comes to money. Help us to communicate respectfully about money. In times that we are striving to make extra cash, we pray that You would guide us and show us what we should do. If any of the striving is in vain, please convict our hearts and redirect us. May the pursuit of money never be at the cost of our relationship with You, Lord, or with our families. Thank You for your provision, thank You for the opportunities we have to grow and thank You for the moments we get to share Your Gospel with others. We pray we would be a light in this world. In Jesus’ name, amen! Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 25 May 2023 | Sacred Intercession: The Power of Praying for Your Wife as Jesus Prays for His Church | 00:44:54 | |
When a husband prays for his wife, he opens the gates of heaven and carries her over the threshold directly into the throne room of God. When a husband prays for his wife, he prays for himself since they are one. When a husband prays for his wife, he lays himself down in order to raise her up. The question is, will he pray? In this episode of the 'Marriage After God' podcast, hosts Aaron and Jennifer Smith discuss the transformative power of a husband praying for his wife. Drawing from biblical teachings, they highlight the integral role of prayer in Christian faith and everyday life. The Smiths explore the importance of a husband praying for his wife, emphasizing unity, protection, sanctification, joy, and mission, inspired by Jesus' High Priestly Prayer. They provide actionable insights on specific prayer points for your wife, such as spiritual growth, confidence, freedom from fear, and understanding her purpose. The episode encourages husbands to lead spiritually and support their wives emotionally, physically, and spiritually through prayer, fostering an extraordinary marriage. They also share personal experiences, offering a real-world perspective on the impact of prayer in marriage. The episode concludes with a heartfelt prayer for growth, unity, and divine guidance in marriage. Join the Smiths on a journey to strengthen your marriage through the power of prayer. -- This week's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team, which comprises listeners like you who faithfully and financially support this podcast and our daily marriage prayer emails. Thank you to all of our patron team for your support and prayers. If you have been enjoying our weekly podcast and would like to join the patron team to help support this show, please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 06 Jul 2023 | Building a Lasting Marriage: The 3 Most Important Things Every marriage Needs | 00:50:56 | |
In this episode, we delve into the core elements that make a marriage not just survive, but thrive. We go beyond the usual suspects of communication, healthy sex life, mutual respect, and financial stability. Instead, we focus on the foundational aspects that precede and outlast these factors. We believe that building a lasting marriage requires action, intention, and a willingness to do the work. So, let's dive in! Sponsor: Marriage After God Patron TeamThis episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team, men and women around the country who have been blessed by our free daily prayer emails and this podcast, and have chosen to pay it forward. Special shoutouts to our recent patrons: Emily W, Lynsey N, and Angela P. To support this podcast and our daily prayer emails, visit get our books: shop.marriageaftergod.com join our daily prayer email list. marriageprayerchallange.com Topic: The Three Pillars of a Lasting Marriage1. Acknowledge and Accept that Marriage is a Covenant Marriage is more than a legal document or state acknowledgement. It's a covenant, a promise made before God. This covenant is not formed based on who we are or who we will be, but on a choice. We choose to be one until death. Understanding this helps us fight against the lies that tempt us to run or look elsewhere. It reminds us that our promise to each other is before God and not based on our current circumstances. 2. Find Security in Knowing the Purpose of Your Marriage When we understand that our marriage has a purpose and that God desires to use our marriage for His kingdom and for our good, we begin to experience our marriages differently. The purpose of marriage was meant to reveal in an earthly human relationship the divine relationship between Christ and His church. Walking in this truth will be a cornerstone for us. 3. Cultivate Willing Hearts Having a willing heart in conversation, intimacy, and sacrifice is key to a thriving marriage. Willingness in conversation means being ready to listen, share, and apologize. Willingness in intimacy involves pursuing, embracing, and trying new things. Willingness in sacrifice includes surrendering your time for their sake, serving, and laying down your desires to be in agreement. ConclusionBuilding a lasting marriage requires more than the usual advice. It requires acknowledging and accepting the covenant of marriage, understanding the purpose of your marriage, and cultivating a willing heart. Join us as we explore these concepts in depth and provide practical advice on how to implement them in your marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 02 Nov 2023 | 7 of 8 - Why Should I Forgive My Spouse: How To Pray For Your Marriage Lessons And Principles From Jesus | 00:43:54 | |
In this episode we dive into Matthew 6:12 and the importance of forgiveness in marriage. We discuss how forgiveness requires trusting God to transform our hearts and align with Christ's example on the cross. This episode aims to encourage couples to pray for the humility and grace to forgive often in marriage. Topics Discussed:
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This is a production of Smith Family Resources, Inc & Marriage After God © 2023 Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means we earn a small commission if you purchase the item(s) using these links. Thank you for supporting us! Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 28 Sep 2023 | 2 of 8 - The Power Of Secrete & Private Prayer: How To Pray For Your Spouse | 00:32:37 | |
Get your copy of "The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers For Our Marriage" today! HTTP://themarriagegift.com Welcome back to Part 2 of our enlightening 8-week series on prayer. Last week, we delved deep into understanding the essence of true prayer. If you missed it, don't fret! Simply hit play after this episode and enjoy a double dose of spiritual nourishment. Before we dive in, we have some exciting news! Alongside this podcast series, we've crafted an 8-part devotional exclusively for the Life Bible App. Head over to iTunes, download the app, and get ready for a soul-stirring read upon its release. Today, we address a question that many of us grapple with: "When should I pray?" The words of Spurgeon resonate deeply, reminding us that prayer should emanate from a heart's yearning, not just a routine. Drawing inspiration from 1 Thessalonians 5:17, we're encouraged to be in perpetual communion with God, praying without ceasing. As we gear up for the launch of our book, we've been sharing our personal journeys with prayer on various platforms. It's been a heartwarming experience, reminiscing about the pivotal moments when prayer played a crucial role in our lives. Whether it was Aaron's mom or my aunt, we were taught the significance of pausing and praying, irrespective of where we were. Sarah Hagerty's anecdotes about sneaking moments with the Lord amidst the chaos of motherhood further emphasize that prayer isn't confined to a specific setting. Whether you're at home, driving, or even at the gym, your heart should always be attuned to God.
However, in this series, our focus is on Jesus' teachings from Matthew 6. Jesus emphasizes the importance of intentional prayer, urging us to find a secluded spot, away from the distractions of the world. Aaron beautifully highlights the essence of Jesus' teachings from Matthew chapters 5 to 7, emphasizing a genuine relationship with God, devoid of pretense or external validation. For all the mothers and fathers out there, it's crucial to carve out undistracted time for prayer. Whether it means waking up early or staying up late, the goal is to immerse oneself fully in the presence of God. When we "shut the door" to the world's noise, we open our hearts to a profound connection with the Divine. Our interpretation of "going into your room" varies. While I see it as a shared sacred space with a spouse, Aaron perceives it as a testament to the power of private prayers. The beauty of prayer lies in its ability to transform and mold our hearts, especially when we delve deep into our emotions and vulnerabilities. In today's fast-paced world, we often miss out on the profound intimacy that intentional prayer offers. But remember, our journey with prayer, though inspired by our book, is far from perfect. We advocate for prayer because we recognize its transformative power in our lives and the need to continually nurture our connection with God. Today, we invite you to embrace prayer in its deepest form. God yearns to hear from you, to connect with your heart, and to envelop you in His love. Set aside the distractions, sit in His presence, and let your heart converse with the Divine.
Important Links Our site: HTTP://marriageaftergod.com Free daily marriage prayer email: http://marriageprayerchallange.com 365 Prayers For Your Marriage: http://themarriagegift.com Social media: instagram.com/Husbandrevolution Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 28 Jun 2024 | Signs of the End Times: Are We Witnessing Biblical Prophecies Unfold? | 01:16:28 | |
In today's episode, we explore the captivating and often anxiety-inducing topic of the end times as described in scripture. Are we witnessing the signs of the last days? Join us as we examine this question and how believers can approach it with faith and hope rather than fear. We start by sharing personal reflections on growing up with teachings about the end times and discuss the influence of pastors like Jack Hibbs, who emphasize prophecy in their ministry. We also offer practical advice on how parents can discuss these topics with their children in a way that encourages faith and understanding. The episode examines various biblical prophecies, including the significance of Israel becoming a nation again, the preparations for the third temple, and other signs mentioned by Jesus. Key scriptures such as Luke 21:28, 1 Thessalonians 1:9-10, and Matthew 24:32-35 are discussed to provide a deeper understanding of the Bible's teachings on the end times. Our goal is to bring peace and excitement to believers about the return of the Lord. We encourage listeners to live with an expectation of Christ's return while making daily choices that reflect a long-term commitment to faith and godly living. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Topics Discussed in the Episode:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Jennifer Smith, Christian marriage, end times, prophecy, scripture, biblical prophecy, last days, Israel, third temple, Christian teachings, spirituality in marriage, faith-driven life, prophecy understanding, biblical interpretation, religious education, marriage enrichment, faith and family, religious podcasts, spiritual growth, Christian podcasters, marriage advice, exploring faith, life lessons, spiritual discussions, theological insights, deepening faith, understanding scripture, religious beliefs, Christian lifestyle, engaging discussions, podcast reviews, episode guide, listener engagement. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 15 Aug 2018 | Our Personal Struggles with Intimacy In Our Marriage | 00:47:29 | |
Grab a copy of our new book Marriage After God and join the marriage movement. https://marriageaftergod.com In this episode, we share our personal struggle with physical intimacy in the first 4 years of our marriage. We thought we had done everything right by saving our selves for marriage and believed God owned us a good healthy physical intimacy. But that was not how our marriage story began. In fact, we couldn't have intercourse for over 4 years. Listen and see how God used this trial to draw us closer to Himself and to each other. This part of our marriage story is also where our marriage ministry was born. -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS READ TRANSCRIPT
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| 14 Sep 2023 | 10 Relationships In The Bible That Can Inspire Our Marriage PART 2 | 00:47:44 | |
Support this podcast by Ordering a copty of our newest 1-Year Marriage Prayer Devotional: HTTP://themarriagegift.com
Welcome back to the "Marriage After God" podcast with your hosts, Aaron and Jennifer Smith. In this second installment of our two-part series on "10 Relationships in the Bible That Can Inspire Your Marriage," we delve deeper into the intricate dynamics of biblical relationships and their profound lessons. Today, we explore: Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5): A cautionary tale about the consequences of deceit and the importance of honesty in marriage. How do our actions and choices impact our relationships, and what can we learn from their story? Priscilla and Aquila: A courageous couple whose names are always mentioned together in Scripture. Discover their adventures, unwavering commitment to the Gospel, and inspiring partnership in ministry. Jesus' Intimate Moments: Dive into the deep bond between Jesus and His disciples, especially Peter, James, and John. From witnessing miracles to asking probing questions, these relationships highlight vulnerability, trust, and the power of redemption. Paul and Timothy: A spiritual mentorship that transcends generations. Uncover the strength of their bond, their shared mission, and the importance of supporting and uplifting one another in faith. Our episode is generously sponsored by our very own resources crafted just for you. Visit shop.marriageafterGod.com to explore more. Join us as we draw insights from these stories and discuss how they can inspire and strengthen our own marriages. Let's journey together in understanding the essence of love, loyalty, and leadership from the Bible's perspective. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 24 Oct 2019 | Boundaries With the Opposite Sex - Part One | 00:36:28 | |
In today's episode, we're talking about hard conversations again, but this time, we're very specific. "Blessed is the one who finds wisdom and the one who gets understanding." Proverbs 3:13. As always, we hope to inspire you to be a light in this world. Our hearts desire that everyone listening, listens with a teachable heart. We pray this episode blesses you. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 18 Sep 2019 | The Gospel | 00:42:31 | |
Take our FREE 31-Day Marriage Prayer Challenge now. Go deeper with prayer today at http://www.marriageprayerchallenge.com
The gospel is the foundation of everything us Christians believe, and the reason we started our Marriage After God ministry. In this week's episode of The Marriage After God podcast, we are discussing the singular most important topic we will ever discuss on this podcast - The Gospel. There is both infinite simplicity and complexity in the gospel, but today our goal is to simplify the gospel. Thanks for Listening, Aaron & Jennifer Smith Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 30 Oct 2019 | Boundaries With the Opposite Sex - Part Two | 00:39:38 | |
Today, we are entering into the second half of our topic, "Boundaries With the Opposite Sex." If you didn't listen to last week's episode, listen to it right now before jumping into today's podcast! "I want to encourage everyone out there, that maybe their spouses aren't at this place yet, and remind everyone that it's a growing process. We didn't just show up to our marriage with this way of being and understand it fully and walk in it perfectly. We are walking this out day by day. " Jennifer Smith We pray that today's podcast would start a healthy conversation between you and your spouse and that your hearts would be submitted to God and protecting your marriage from the enemy. If your heart is already for this, we encourage you to walk out what you desire your spouse to step out and fervently pray for their heart.
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 07 May 2024 | Exploring Bible Prophecies: Jesus' Life, Death, and Resurrection | 00:39:43 | |
In this episode, we discuss the prophecies in scripture that were fulfilled regarding Jesus' ministry, death, and resurrection. The Bible is unlike any other book, as it bases its authenticity and authority on prophecy. We'll explore some of the incredible Old Testament prophecies about Jesus, and how these were fulfilled in the New Testament. From His miraculous birth, life, ministry, death, and resurrection, prophecy played a crucial role in establishing the authenticity of scripture and Christ's divinity and giving believers hope and security in God. We focus on several key prophecies and their fulfillment. We discuss the messenger preparing the way, Jesus' time in the temple as a child, His ministry to the poor and oppressed, His triumphant entry into Jerusalem, His betrayal by a friend, and His crucifixion and resurrection. Through these examples, we see the incredible accuracy and power of God's Word. We also look at the significance of the resurrection, which gives us hope for our own resurrection and eternal life. We invite you to subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify. Please take a few minutes today to leave us a star rating and review. Your reviews bless us and help us reach new audiences. Here's one such review: ☆☆☆☆☆ MiliVarela says, "This podcast is such a blessing. We’ve learned so much from it. They are so genuine, and their testimony has been a weapon against the darkness this world has cast upon marriages. Praying the Lord will continue to bless them and use them mightily." Join us as we explore the incredible prophecies about Jesus and how they build our faith in God. Topics Discussed in the Episode:
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Ways to Support This Podcast: This is a production of Smith Family Resources, Inc. © 2024. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 07 Nov 2024 | Creating a Lasting Legacy Together - Interview with Troy and Shantel Brooks | 00:58:32 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Troy and Shantel Brooks, who have been married for 10 years after starting as childhood friends. They share their powerful journey from having a foot-in, foot-out faith to fully surrendering their marriage and business to God. The Brooks candidly share about: * Their transition from separate careers to building a Christ-centered business together * How working together accelerated their marriage growth * Finding true identity in Christ rather than career achievements * Learning to steward success with kingdom perspective * Creating a lasting legacy through marriage and ministry * Their ministry, Spartners, which helps couples work together in faith and business Whether you're considering working with your spouse or simply want to strengthen your marriage partnership, this conversation offers valuable insights about putting Christ at the center of everything you do together. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Troy and Shantel: * Website: www.troyandshantel.com * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wearespartners * Podcast: https://www.spartnerspodcast.com/ * Book: "Spartners: Discover the Value in Your Spouse as a Business Partner" https://www.troyandshantel.com/spartners-book Follow us on Instagram: Marriage After God - https://www.instagram.com/marriageaftergod Unveiled Wife - https://www.instagram.com/unveiledwife Husband Revolution - https://www.instagram.com/husbandrevolution Ways to Support This Podcast: Visit our shop: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/ Become a patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Troy Brooks, Shantel Brooks, Spartners, Christian business, marriage ministry, entrepreneurship, legacy building, Christian marriage, working together, faith journey, spiritual growth, business partnership, marriage goals, surrendering to God Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 16 Mar 2020 | What Does Moses and The Burning Bush Have To Do With The Gospel? | 00:42:34 | |
We are hosting a giveaway at the beginning of this episode!!! Listen to find out how to enter :) FREE DOWNLOAD: datenightideas.com In this episode, we have a fun conversation about the experience Moses had with the Lord and the burning bush. Reading the Old Testament and the many miraculous things God has done over history is a powerful way to see who God is and His plan for redemption even from the beginning. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 14 Mar 2018 | 3 Games You Should Never Play With Your Spouse | 00:31:27 | |
In this episode of Marriage After God we have a little fun at the beginning talking about our favorite family games we enjoy together but only as a segway into the real topic at hand. We discuss 3 very dangerous emotional and manipulative games that are all too common in marriage. The silent treatment, Retaliation/revenge, and word games. These games manifest themselves in many different ways and Jennifer and I had learned to be very good at playing all of them with each other, that is up until God got a hold of our hearts. There is no place for them in a Christian marriage. They should be avoided at all cost otherwise it could cost us a healthy marriage or worse. We haven't perfected the art of avoiding these deadly games but we are way better then we used to be at recognizing them quickly and repent often. If there are any more games that couples should avoid in marriage please let us know in the comments. Also, please share with us your favorite family games. (9:04) Game #1 - Silent Treatment LINKS TO GAMES WE LOVE Catan 5th Edition http://amzn.to/2HADyHM FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 07 Sep 2023 | 10 Relationships In The Bible That Can Inspire Our Marriage PART 1 | 00:55:26 | |
Do you love this podcast? If so please consider joining the Marriage After God patron Team. https://marriageaftergod.com/patron
In this 2 part podcast series, we discuss the various spiritual and practical insights that we find through some of the most powerful relationship stories throughout the Bible. In part 1 of this series, we discus stories from the od testament and in part 2 we will discuss relationships we find in the new testament. We pray the insights we explorer in this episode bless you and your marriage.
Relationship Stories Covered: Isaac and Rebekah - A tale of willingness, love, and comfort. Reference: Genesis 24 & 26
Jonathan and David - A deep bond of love and loyalty that transcends friendship. Reference: 1 Samuel 18
Ruth and Naomi - A testament to unwavering faithfulness and commitment. Reference: Ruth 1
Ruth and Boaz - A story of redemption, compassion, and providence. Reference: Ruth 2\
Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego - Demonstrating unity, trust in God, and standing firm in faith even in the face of adversity. Reference: Daniel 1, 3 & 6
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 19 Jan 2023 | Stop Saying One Thing Yet Doing Another | 00:42:54 | |
This episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team, who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons. Deborah S We thank you so much for partnering with us in blessing 10’s of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast. If you have been blessed by free marriage after god content, we'd love to invite you to join our patron team. Also, if you choose to sign up at $20/month you can get a $50 gift card to our online store to purchase any of our books and resources. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron How often have you had the intention to do something or change in some way, but in the end you don’t follow through? Whether it is a promise you have made to another, or even to yourself, words have power. And when we use our words to make commitments, we should take them seriously. Oftentimes we find it easy to make promises with our words but have no intention of following through, or find it difficult to keep that promise. Now, our vows may not always take the form of the words “I promise I will…” but instead may sound like “I’ll be there at 10,” or “I’ll pray for you,” Or “I am going to get up at 6 am and read my bible every day.” Many times, this leads to discrepancies between what we say and what we actually do. Scripture informs us to take care with our words and warns against taking oaths.
James 5:12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.
Matthew 5:37 Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil.
Sometimes we may think our words are strong enough to get ourselves to do something, or we might even have the intention of following through, but our lives have become so chaotic that our capability to follow through is void. Other times, we might desire to look good in that specific moment, but have no real intention of following through. It is important that we evaluate ourselves honestly in these instances and consider our intentions and how our words impact others. As Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
When we are careless with our words, and make promises and commitments we do not have the capacity to follow through with, we often end up hurting those around us. Rather than attempting to please people in the moment, we should be prepared with practical things to say or do instead. For example, telling someone you cannot give an answer in the moment, that you need time to think about it, or even simply telling that person no is necessary because saying nothing is better than not keeping your word. Consider the instruction given in Ecclesiastes 5:4: When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. 5 It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. And in Ecclesiastes 5:2 Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. As followers of Christ, we must value our integrity and carry ourselves differently than the rest of the world. Our words should carry weight and truth, instead of serving to reinforce falsehoods about ourselves such as the lie that we can’t change.
Ultimately, we may never be completely in control of our tongues, but we serve a God who never goes back on His promises. We can trust in His word, and His promises and what He has said. We can ask him to teach us. We can practice following through, perhaps even having consequences for our failure. We can practice saying “yes” or “no” instead of “maybe” or something else. We can remember although we are not perfect, we follow the one who is, and we can be a light to the world by staying true to our word.
The foundation of a disciplined life is integrity and doing what we say we're going to do. — Rory Vaden
Success comes from what you do, not from what you say you are going to do. — Larry Winget
Do what you say you're going to do! People can do nothing but respect that. — Steve Harvey
Dear Lord, Thank you for today. Thank you for speaking to us about the importance of sticking to our word. We desire to have integrity and we desire to be trustworthy. Please help us walk in righteousness, to do the things we say we are going to do, to love others by sticking to commitments made. We ask You to transform this part of us. Give us eyes to truly see how our inconsistencies, our discrepancies, and our failure to do what we say hurts people, especially our spouse. We pray we would be a light wherever we go and honor you by doing what we say we are going to do. In Jesus’ name AMEN!
TRANSCRIPT Aaron: Hi, and welcome to Marriage After God. We're your host, Erin and Jennifer Smith. Being tongue-tied or twisted is one thing, but what happens when we intentionally use our tongue to cut deeply, to persuade for our benefit or to serve up half truths and blatant lies? In this episode, we are putting the spotlight on our tongues and considering the way we use our words.
Jennifer: Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. We try not to do ads, we don't have any ads and so we're trying to keep this show ad free. And one of the ways we do that is by people like our patrons who support us monthly financially.
Aaron: Another interesting thing that we'd love to do is highlight some of those patrons. So this week we are giving a shout out to Debra S, Whitney s and Valerie. B. Thank you guys so much for partnering with us and blessing tens of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast.
Jennifer: If you've been blessed by the free marriage after God content that we create we'd love to invite you to join our patron team.
Aaron: Also, if you choose to sign up at $20 a month, you can get a $50 gift card to our online store. To purchase any one of our books and resources at your first renewal date,
Jennifer: Please visit marriage after god.com/patron, P A T R O N.
Aaron: All right, so everybody, even the listeners think right now cause we're in the first of the year, January still. What's something you're doing today excited about or something that's just new that you weren't doing this time last year or you didn't have this time last year?
Jennifer: Ours would be chickens, . Lots of chickens.
Aaron: Chickens.
Jennifer: We got 20 chickens. We talked about it a couple episodes. It's not a couple few episodes ago but with the price of eggs around the country right
Aaron: Now, it finally makes sense. Yeah.
Jennifer: Now it's like, yeah, this is a golden goose where we have these chickens laying golden eggs. Hold
Aaron: On. I have to say this. I have mentioned in the past that I find enjoyment in memes and those pictures with the writing on it. Mm-hmm. That tell jokes. I just, I'm a jokester. And so when we got these chickens, I was like, man, I really need to learn more about chickens. And so I went on Facebook and added all these chicken groups like Lo, some are local, some are not.
Jennifer: Oh, that's
Aaron: Funny. But because the price of eggs have gone up, everybody's posting these chicken memes and they're so funny.
Jennifer: Are they also posting eggs for like $20 a dozen?
Aaron: Oh, it's crazy.
Jennifer: But what's really cool is not only that we're getting eggs, they're not free. So I don't want anyone to think they're free because we still have to pay for the food and all the things. But I was going
Aaron: To say, we're putting in the work.
Jennifer: We're putting in the work, but we're getting lots of eggs. And what's awesome is we can share 'em with our friends and family. And so that's been pretty cool. And also it's been really neat to see the kids take on that responsibility.
Aaron: Even in the cold
Jennifer: They go and it's been cold. It's cold. So they go out, they feed 'em, they go out and olive of us always out there just holding the chickens. And we look out the window and she's just in the coop walking around with one of the chickens on her head. It's so funny and so cute. But with
Aaron: It being cold, I remember one time it was so early in the morning, maybe seven, and I could see her waving through the sliding glass door. She's over at the chicken run where she needs to get in to feed them. And she's waving her arms and I open the cider. It's like, oh what? What's up olive? And she goes, the lock is frozen shut.
Jennifer: Yeah, it does get frozen shut. Cause it's moisture on it and then it doesn't move. And they have to, I watch her, she watch takes 10 minutes to get the thing broken open,
Aaron: But they don't complain. And I really, it's really cool to see them grow up and it's going to be, take
Jennifer: Ownership everyone. It's worth it now. Cause we got all sorts of eggs. We, we've been trying to find ways of using the eggs because we have so many of 'em, but
Aaron: Lots of Dutch babies
Jennifer: And I just did some hard boiled eggs. And those are, Wyatt loves hard boiled
Aaron: Eggs. Something I do for You're not in a hurry. I hate to keep going. No,
Jennifer: Keep going. On eggs. Speaking of eggs, chickens
Aaron: And eggs. I was just going to bring up how bad of a baker I am. Not really, but I am just I'm You're good Baker. Hit or miss. Okay.
Jennifer: But well, baking is a science
Aaron: This year. Something I added to our homeschool curriculum is around the world tea. And we've invited our friends families over to do these tea parties in different cities around the world. And we have friends in our living
Jennifer: Room.
Aaron: It's just, yeah, we set up all the kids, set up the chairs so that it's like we're going on an airplane and I have passports for all the kids. It's really cute. But our friends, some of the friends have lineage in some of these cities around the world. And so our friends, Stan and Jessica, hi guys,
Jennifer: You guys get mentioned the most. Yeah. What're saying
Aaron: Have ties and lineage to Russia and we are going to go to Moscow. So we invited them and their kids over to do this. And I was like, okay, I'm going to go Google. What are some Russian teacakes or cookies or treats? And there's these things called, I'm going to not say the name, but it's called a Zuki
Jennifer: Suki
Aaron: Or something like that. Something like that. And it's, it looks like a bagel, but they're looks like a little smaller round kind of harder cracker thing's on the sweeter side. And I tried making them, and they're going to be here in an hour and a half, and I'm trying to roll out this dough and I've got it stuck to my hands. It's
Jennifer: Not working the way you expected it to. It's like sticky. Instead of it being like doughy.
Aaron: Oh my goodness. It was a mess. I was a wreck. And I'm like, Aaron, help. But
Jennifer: Although they didn't come out pretty, they tasted really good.
Aaron: The kids did like them. And I was bringing that up because I quite a few of them, I used eggs for it and it required an egg wash. And so we are trying to use the eggs, but I need better recipes. Just kidding. I need to be good in the
Jennifer: Kitchen. Bread, brownies, cookies. I'm just giving you ideas here. Okay, got it. Egg soup. So in episode one of this season, we talked about this word for the year, discrepancy.
Aaron: Oh, I didn't want to talk about that again. I
Jennifer: Know how there's a difference between who we want to be or should be and who we actually are.
Aaron: The reason I said that is because I'm personally working on working through this Well,
Jennifer: And we are together. It's
Aaron: A lot.
Jennifer: You got your own little journey
Aaron: Going on. I'm noticing it a lot. Yeah.
Jennifer: Where are you noticing it the most?
Aaron: That's
Jennifer: Discrepancy
Aaron: Currently with the kids and the way that I parent, which is not good. Just when I say one thing and then if they ask me again and again, I, I'll break down and give in and
Jennifer: They've just pegged you is what it is. They get me figured it out.
Aaron: And another one is a very specific one is coffee. And okay, what does that mean?
Jennifer: Explain the
Aaron: Coffee. I know it's so personal. I just don't feel great when I drink it, but there's this kind of craving I get for it. And so I end up
Jennifer: Telling no coffee, drinker listening, understands what you're talking about.
Aaron: I end up saying in my head or saying out loud to you, yeah, I'm not going to drink coffee for a while and the next morning I'm drinking coffee. makes no
Jennifer: Sense. What? No, you yeah. Say, I'm not going to drink coffee anymore because I don't feel good. And then the very next day, you're I here and I'm like, you just tell me she's not going to drink coffee
Aaron: Anymore. But here's the difference because we brought up this, that episode and because I'm working on this personally, I decided to start taking notes. And so I have a little in notes on your phone, I decided to make a note and I'm going to peek at that. I'm keeping track of all the times that it hits me and I'm like, oh, there's one. There's a discrepancy. So
Jennifer: The point is, the overarching theme often in our discrepancies is in our words. Like you said, I'm not going to, yeah.
Aaron: And then you do, because I did. I say one thing and I do the opposite.
Jennifer: So it comes in this form of we say something, our words have meaning and power, but we often find it easy to make a promise to say with our mouth, our words, but have no intention to follow through or find out. It's hard to keep that promise, to keep that word. Like you said, I'm not going to drink coffee anymore, but the next day when you are tired and you want the taste of the espresso, and so at that point you're confronted with your words. You're like, well, do I mean what I say? No, not this time.
Aaron: And these are things that we say or promises or commitments that we're saying to our spouse, kids, friends, maybe even more often than all of them is ourselves.
Jennifer: These words that we say that we aren't going to follow through or through with. Often it doesn't come in the form of, I promise I will. It's actually rarely that
Aaron: A declaration,
Jennifer: I mean in the beginning of the year we do resolutions. This is a form of that. Yeah, I'm going to be this year going to, but usually it sounds more like I'll be there in 10 minutes or I'll be leaving in five minutes, or I'll pray for you, or I'm going to stop drinking coffee, whatever. I'm going to get up 6:00 AM I'm going to read the Bible every day. I'll stop saying that, that we, there's things that we say,
Aaron: I added this one. I I'm going to avoid gluten
Jennifer: Because you're supposed to. Yeah not right now, but later. So what I'm saying is that I'll be there in 10 minutes, but it really, it's going to be 25 minutes
Aaron: Or longer.
Jennifer: So it's not always in the form of promise. We say things that we either can't or won't follow through on,
Aaron: Or maybe we are just not thinking it's not that big of a deal because I was joking when I said I put the one, I'm going to avoid gluten, even though I do know it's a big deal, I tell myself it's not that big of a
Jennifer: Deal. Yeah, I know this just once. What's this once?
Aaron: Or, I've been doing really good so it's fine.
Jennifer: Or I'll be home in like I said in a few minutes. But really it's longer than that. What happens every time we do that is it's just adding another little like, oh, that wasn't truth. That's not what you said. Everyone listenings, they have a list of these. They're like, oh, I, there's that thing that bothers me when they say one thing, they say this and then this is what happens. And it's a pattern. Before we move on to getting into this even deeper, I just wanted to ask, if you're loving these episodes, would you leave a review if you haven't done it yet? If you have left a review? We're so thankful for every single review that our listeners leave, we love reading them. And every time someone leaves a review, it helps boost the rankings for our podcast so more people can find it.
Aaron: So how often do we say we are going to do something or change in some way? But the moment we have that opportunity to follow through with it, we choose not to,
Jennifer: I think a lot
Aaron: More than we recognize. I mean, I'm only recognizing it because I'm keeping notes in my phone
Jennifer: And you're recognizing like, oh, this happened 12 times today. Not the one time that I was thinking of.
Aaron: I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently and we were talking about parenting and how challenging it can be at times. And I was encouraging her that in those moments when our kids tell a lie or do something, they're not supposed to talk back or whatever. The thing is that they are tests that we get to as parents grade and correct. And we get to guide them toward the standard of character that we desire for them. But that's also mentioned in the Bible, and
Jennifer: You're raising that in that admonition of the Lord, the training.
Aaron: I was just telling her, these things are going to come. It doesn't mean your child's going to be a liar or someone who constantly steals. These are things that in the flesh we're tempted by. And as parents, we get the opportunity to guide them. And this is why we show them the way.
Jennifer: This is why we should have self-control.
Aaron: Right. But they're tests, and as I'm explaining this, I'm realizing even as an adult, like,
Jennifer: Oh, your opportunities,
Aaron: We still have opportunities that were being tested and the Lord's grading and correcting us. So I just thought that was
Jennifer: Yeah, well, it's had
Aaron: To do with what we're talking
Jennifer: About. Well, and it does because we say something, and often in scriptures, someone would vow something and then they would immediately be tested to see if they're going to follow through. Sometimes they had horrible consequences. And you can go read in the Old Testament some of these stories but this idea that God wants to know if we're going to be faithful to our words, but also knows that sometimes we can't. And that's something I wanted to encourage us later on in this, but
Aaron: Well before we get there, what are some examples from our own life? Is there anything specific that maybe
Jennifer: Yeah, I mean, you brought up your coffee. That's one that's, it's a small one, but it's a real one. It's something in the gluten, the gluten. For me lately, my kids have been wanting to go work out in the garage with us. So we have our gym out there and they ask, can we go work out? Can we, they want to go in the treadmill and they want want to do my row machine. And
Aaron: It's fu real quick. It's funny seeing their mentality shift from, they know they're growing up and now they want to do grown kids older things
Jennifer: And be part well and they want more time and they want to do what we do. And often they have more of a desire to go to the gym than I was going to say. This is a two-part example because being constant at out and haven't been at all. So I, I'm like, I'm going to be consistent and I'm not consistent. So my kids are more desiring and more consistent in wanting to work out than I am, which I think is funny. But they ask us, can you wake us up so we can go work out with you? And I'll tell them yes and then not follow through with it. And so there's times that they're like, I told them tomorrow morning and then things come up. So it's not that I just
Aaron: Work through that on here so that our listeners can hear. What are some of the reasons why you wouldn't wake them up?
Jennifer: Well, either I to didn't realize, but I had to leave early so I couldn't wake him up or I slept in myself because I was tired and so I didn't wake 'em up. Or
Aaron: We had a late night the night before and you think their sleep is more important.
Jennifer: And so I don't go wake them up. But I've been trying to, if I said I was going to do it, then the other day you're like, why don't you just go out right now? And it was like before bed. And I was like, okay. And we went out there for 35 minutes and we worked out as a family. It was really cool. So I'm trying, but those are things like another one Wyatt will say, will you snuggle me? And I will say maybe, or I don't or no, or not tonight or tomorrow, or I'll say tomorrow and then I don't follow through. So I'm trying to follow through on my words,
Aaron: Which I have seen. I know you're using these as examples for this episode, but I have seen you growing in this already making strides to make sure that you're following through with your word with them and it is fruitful. And I just wanted to affirm you in that. Thank you. I'm proud of you
Jennifer: And you have been trying to follow through on your words and I've been seeing it. And so I want to affirm you. Thank you. Now our listen is it's your turn to turn to
Aaron: Your spouse, spouse, spouse,
Jennifer: . You should maybe okay, let me read some scripture. James five. Wait,
Aaron: At minimum just shoot 'em a text.
Jennifer: Oh, that's easy. That's good.
Aaron: That's right now, yeah. Go pause this Kek resume.
Jennifer: All right, we're back. So James five 12, but above all my brothers do not swear either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath. But let your yes, be yes and your no be no. So that you may not be found under condemnation
Aaron: So that you may not fall under
Jennifer: Oh. So that you may not fall under condemnation. Thank you. And then Jesus, I mean Jesus said this first by the way, and then James repeats it in a different way in James chapter five. But in Matthew chapter five coincidentally, which I don't think this coincidences, but Jesus says, let what you say be simply yes or no. Anything more than this comes from evil.
Aaron: Do explain.
Jennifer: Well, I think God wants us and Jesus wants us to just people of our word. So we don't need to add anything to it. We don't need to proclaim anything to give more power or weight to our words. We just should. What gives the power to our words is that we follow through with them. So if you say yes, let it be a yes. If you say no, let it be a no. Mm-hmm. So for you no to coffee, is it really a no? Well, no. It's not a no. It's a sometimes and it's a when you change and it's a, yeah. So you're no is not a no at all. It's something else. And he's in both scenarios. One has fall under condemnation. The other one says comes from evil that we're with our words. And so I want to discuss why might we give our word or make a promise or a vow and then not follow through with it? Because there are reasons. Why would we even say it in the first place? And then what would make us not want to do it in the second place?
Jennifer: And I just wanted to point out one thing. I think that when we proclaim something, we make a vow, we make a promise, we think that somehow that makes the words strong enough on their own that it'll all of a sudden happens, make us do the thing. Yeah, I'm going to stop, go into the fast food restaurant. We make that proclamation, I'm going to stop that. We say it out loud and we say it to people, oh yeah, I'm, I'm going to stop eating fast food. I promise when we even add stuff like that or I'm making a resolution, we think in some way that those words in their own are going to have some power to help change something inside of us because we know that it is hard for us to not go get fast food. So I think maybe also sometimes we have no intention of following through with what we say.
Aaron: More so we say it so that others can hear and be satisfied in some way of hearing it from us or what
Jennifer: You mean. Yeah, maybe in a way. So going back to that idea of I'll be home in 10 minutes, you call me, Hey, where are you at? Oh, I'm just leaving the store. Maybe I'm not just leaving the store and I'm trying to show you that I'm going to be on home quick because you want me home. And so I'm like, oh, 10 minutes. Because then in that moment I appease your urgency of where are you at? You've been gone for a while. So I can have that moment of like, okay, cool. I'm now released from that. Not realizing that there's going to be this consequence when I get home of you wondering like, Hey, you said 10 minutes, but it's been 35 minutes. What's going on? I'm like, well, and then I just figure I'll at that point give you a reason rather than saying, Hey, I'm probably going to be a little bit longer than you want. So I think we say things that we don't follow through with for that reason. Also to try and just appease someone or cover up or make ourselves look a certain way. Yeah. In front of someone.
Aaron: I think another reason would be that we actually do have full intentions to do what we say we're going to do, but because of our choices, our life is so out of order that you actually can't fulfill those commitments.
Jennifer: So a good example,
Aaron: It just feels like chaos.
Jennifer: A good example for me, I want to get up early and that actually is a desire of mine to get up early. But then I don't choose to go to bed early.
Aaron: You don't set yourself up to make that thing happen
Jennifer: To win. Yeah. I don't align the stars to make sure that I can get up in the morning,
Aaron: Which matters. If you are going to commit to something, it's kind of counting the cost. You're like, you're evaluating to say, okay, in order for this thing to happen, all these other things need to happen in order for it to be true,
Jennifer: To follow through with. So we haven't set up our life to make sure that we can follow through with certain things. I think another reason, this is a more devious one, and it comes from probably wrong hearts, not probably it is wrong hearts saying you're going to do one thing and then intentionally not following through with it, knowing that it was going to hurt the person because you're frustrated or hurt or angry and that it's a sort of vengeance. I'm not going to follow through with the thing I said because I don't think you deserve me following through with the thing I said. Mm-hmm. Or I don't feel like it now because you did this to me or said this to me,
Aaron: Or you don't need me to, don't require of me. I can see I'm just kind of playing into this kind of issue of what's really at the root with that way of thinking. And I was going to add another one is just forgetting that you even committed to something in the first place.
Jennifer: Now giving it enough importance in front of you to say, oh, I'm going to make that a thing that I think about. The challenge that we've been giving is of writing down things that we want to be committed to making it real. And on paper, this is something that's actually has been really powerful for you. When you write a list of to-dos, like, I'm going to do this today and I'm going to do this today, I'm going to do this today. I don't think I've ever seen you not complete a list.
Aaron: It's like a challenge or a competition
Jennifer: One. But it's really powerful . So you could get up and you're like, today I'd like to this and I'd like to that and and then you maybe do one or two things and then by the end of the day you're like, I didn't do anything that I wanted to do. But when you sit down, you write it down, man, you crush it. And I've encouraged you in the past to,
Aaron: I know. I feel like I forgot this about myself. I need to,
Jennifer: I think you should. And you do. When you write down a list, it gets done every single time,
Aaron: I think. Okay. So that was our list. Sorry, we got off tangent a little bit. That was our list of why we do these things. But I think we think it's important that we do an honest evaluation of ourselves, our lives, and to ask God to reveal to us if there's any of this that we just listed any, even just announce in our hearts,
Jennifer: We should always be spiritually evaluating, asking God to search us. So what are some practical, I'm not saying this, what are some practical things to practice in, practical things to practice? What are some practical things to practice instead of saying something that you will not do? So are,
Aaron: I'm so confused right now.
Jennifer: I know this is what's a practical solution to this. Hey, what
Aaron: Can you do instead?
Jennifer: How can we practice being better at not doing what we say we're going to do?
Aaron: So when Wyatt comes to you and he is like, dad, will you cuddle me before bed? You just say, I can't right now.
Jennifer: Yeah, I know. Well, that's the point is saying gi giving an answer or saying you can't give an answer. So hey, I can't give you an answer right now because I don't know what the day looks like,
Aaron: But I'll think about it, which is, or I need time to think about
Jennifer: It as long as I intend to think about it and figure it out.
Aaron: But don't say you're going to think about it and then don't think about it.
Jennifer: Exactly. And then see saying you need time to think about it. Not doing it but letting him know, Hey, I need time to think about it. So would you be patient with me? Yeah. And so what that does is lets them know that it's not a yes and it's not a no, but it's also not a maybe. It's like I don't know what to answer you right now. So I'm going to tell you I don't know what to answer you right now. Another tactic is just say no. Why'd
Aaron: You laugh?
Jennifer: Because well, it's simple. It's like, hey, let's just give an answer.
Aaron: Do you think that there's some people who
Jennifer: Just, that don't hearing? No,
Aaron: Not well. Okay. I can raise my hand for both here. I was going to say that they don't like being someone who says no. They don't want to make that boundary
Jennifer: A yes person.
Aaron: Maybe they don't realize they're a yes person, but they absolutely don't like the contention that comes with No.
Jennifer: Well, yeah, because there's going to be like that. Why don't you want to, why? Yeah.
Aaron: I have a hard time saying no.
Jennifer: Right. And we know people in our life that do this because going back to what we talked about earlier, one of the reasons someone might do them is because they want to look a certain way. So like, oh, I want this person to believe that I'm there for them.
Aaron: Hey, you can't call me out in front of everyone
Jennifer: Right now. I'm not saying that for you.
Aaron: No, but it's true.
Jennifer: You want someone to believe you there for them, but you have no, but don't, not that you don't have intention to, but you aren't really there for them. You want them to think they are that you are. So just saying yes or just saying no and then making that what you mean. Yeah. Over time, we're talking about this month about building trust and about being the kind of people that do what we say is big. So being confident. I don't like continuing to use the story about what true Wyatt wanting me to cuddle in. But with anything, if it's your boss, if it's your spouse, there's going to be times, Hey hun, can we do this thing? No. And here's why. Or yes, and let's make a plan. And just being confident in those things rather than, yeah, I'm sure that someone can figure out, but really I'm just trying to push it off. Cause I don't want to give an answer and I'm overwhelmed by the prospect of that thing that you want to do. Now it'd be better to give the answer. Or again, going back to, Hey, I don't know what answer to give you now. Can we look at details on this? And actually follow through with figuring out what the answer is.
Aaron: A, after looking at or hearing us talk about this, I just realized that I totally don't like saying no. And I've known this about myself for a while, but because of that, I'll stress myself out week to week because I commitments
Jennifer: Placate and commits.
Aaron: So what we talked about earlier about you're not making commitments happening because of chaos in your life, or you're not committing to your word because mm-hmm. Of chaos. Chaos. That's me an order. I'm older. It's like now everything's backed up and there's this traffic jam because I've not said no to anything, but there's periods of my life where I feel like there's balance. And then other times when I'm like,
Jennifer: Well, and I, we meet with the guys from our church on Wednesday mornings and we're going through the book of Ecclesiastes, and the next verse I'm going to bring up in a second is from Ecclesiastes chapter five. And that whole chapter's about our words and saying what we're saying one thing and doing another and actually following through with our words. And it was so interesting. We had a big long conversation this morning about this very topic, and it was just so good hearing everyone's different opinions and perspectives on it. But one thing that I brought up, and I have it here, is don't give an answer. Maybe saying nothing is better than not keeping your word.
Aaron: So are you just saying stare blankly at them?
Jennifer: No. It goes back to that not giving an answer right away. But maybe you just, you're not going to commit to the thing like, well, I don't know. I literally don't know. I don't know if I could do that. I dunno if I could follow through with it. And I get this from Ecclesiastes five, four through five. It says, when you vow vow God, do not delay pen it where he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow that than that. You should vow and not pay. There's society. He is like, don't make the vow. Don't say you're going to do that thing. Say you can go help when you can't help. It'd be better. Just be like, I can't. And then say it and then not follow through. There's another story in the New Testament that Jesus gives about two sons. One goes, the father goes to one and says, Hey, go work. And he says, sure. And then walks away and doesn't go work. Oh yeah. And then he goes, the other son, son. He goes, no, I don't want to work. But then later on changes his mind, he goes and works.
Aaron: I was paraphrased a bit,
Jennifer: But the point is, the one son that said he doesn't want to work, you could be like, well, how mean of him? Actually, that was much more honorable, honest and honest. He was honest. He's like, I don't want to go work. And then the Lord changed his heart and he is like, actually, I can go and I'm going to go and I don't want to make my dad proud rather than saying I'm going to go do it, and then I'm not doing it out. So disrespectful. And God cares about this stuff. He cares that we mean what we say. It's a, it's as a part of his CH church being his people
Aaron: And reflecting him. He means what He says.
Jennifer: Well just look at the Bible. Do you think God loves words? Yeah. Mean the Bible literally says that the word was with God and is God,
Aaron: And that he created everything by his word
Jennifer: Words. In the beginning, God created the heavens of the earth with his words. God said, let there be light. There's light power. So he cares about words. He cares about our words. He wants us to be faithful with the things that we say. And like I said, there's another verse in Proverbs that says that a person that remains silent will be seen as wise
Aaron: Real quick as this idea of ref reflecting God. And in another part of the New Testament, we're called ambassadors. And just being on mission to, or knowing that we are sharing the gospel in this world, in order to share the gospel with someone and for them to believe what our words to be true, we have to be trustworthy and we have to be honest, and we have to have integrity. You think? Yeah. Well,
Jennifer: If you think about it, one of the biggest things that people that have walked away from God, they look at the church and say like, oh, the church is full of hypocrites. Hypocrites. What that means, what hypocrite means is say one thing, do another. Like, oh, you say you sh, you're holy, but you're not holy. Another verse in Ecclesiastes, a couple verse before it says NFI in chapter five, verse two, be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God. For God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few. One of the discussions we had today was in that verses four through five, it says he has no pleasure in fools. And in other translations it says the sacrifice of fools. And we were talking about the sacrifice of fools is our words when they have no meaning or power. Mm-hmm. Like we come before God and we come before our family and we come before our friends and we say something and it is nothing.
Aaron: When you say, I'll pray for you, and you walk away and you haven't prayed for them and you don't pray for them.
Jennifer: It's a sacrifice of fools is what the Bible calls it. God calls it that you're offering this sacrifice that has no value. You're offering this thing, it's just words. And he's talking about that with vows. You're making it vow God and you're not even following through that. That's a sacrifice of fools. So I think God cares quite a bit about us being people of our word, because in reality we need to be people of his word. So I want to just point out the fruit of this. When we, well practice saying things that we don't mean saying things that we don't follow through with. There's a fruit that comes from this. What it happens is we reinforce in ourselves a falsehood of ourselves. So I say with my mouth, I'm, I'm going to be this way. I'm going to read more. And then I intentionally don't read more. I go, or I'm going to like you. I'm not going to drink coffee anymore. And then you go make that coffee every time you make that coffee after you said, I'm not going to drink coffee anymore. Cause I don't want to drink coffee anymore. Going back to that word discrepancy. Yeah. You're reaffirming and reinforcing a f a false falsehood.
Aaron: And explain why that is dangerous.
Jennifer: Well, spiritually, I think the danger could be if our words that come out of our mouths don't have any power, don't have any meaning, don't wait, they don't have any weight. We don't follow through, we don't keep it. It doesn't mean anything. I think the danger is could we end up in the same place with God's word or with his spirit? When it convicts us, do we hear it and be like, well, that's not who I am. Or I can't be that. I can't fulfill that. I can't. Or is
Aaron: It easier just when that conviction comes to push it away, push it off to the side, make it not important, justify it, all the reasons that we listed earlier.
Jennifer: I think it's something we should consider for sure.
Aaron: I think there's also danger in the way that we view ourselves in just once there is that discrepancy of, okay, now I said one thing and did another. And you start seeing the consequences of that, whether you affect someone else or just yourself.
Jennifer: What are some things that you've heard
Aaron: In your own? In my own self? Yeah. Yeah. Things like I'm a failure. I'm flaky. I can't follow through with anything.
Jennifer: Just
Aaron: Can't. That negative things that
Jennifer: I've heard is I can't change. Yeah. This is too too hard. Cause I want to be the, I can't do it. Which again, reinforces not the truth. We just read in the last episode from, I think it's second Peter, that we have everything in Christ to be what Christ desires us to be. And now that doesn't mean it's easy, doesn't mean it just happens overnight, but we are capable. So
Aaron: Real quick, because I briefly brought it up just now, but consequences when, especially because we're a marriage podcast, so we need to talk about this. When I make a commitment to you and I don't follow through with it, what does that do to our relationship? What does that do to how you view me and
Jennifer: Well, at the top level, some of those things that you mentioned, how you feel about yourself, I feel. Mm-hmm. Like, oh, you don't ever follow through with what you say. You always say you're going to do this and then you never do it. Those are things that I think, and you've thought the same things about me.
Aaron: For me, big, the red alarm, the red blaring alarm would be I can't trust you or there's no integrity. The trust is broken.
Jennifer: Yeah. What else are you lying about?
Aaron: Yeah. So yeah, those are just a couple of things that we're just pointing out because if we're doing a self-evaluation, if anything we're saying today is becoming a catalyst in your guys' lives, to at least just consider this, I think it's worth saying. Mm-hmm. Right?
Jennifer: I mean, perfectly asking, Lord, oh man, what's going on with my mouth? Yeah. Something I want to end with after a heavy episode of trying to evaluate all of the things we say is have grace with yourself. Ask God to teach you, pray and ask God to change our words and to give us, grow our integrity to point out to us when we are walking in those falsehoods and the things you're saying. And I just wanted to also say, we may never be able to completely control our tongue. That's a big thing. And you can read this in the book of James says, Hugh controls his tongue is perfect. And guess who the only person who had never messed up in what he said was Jesus. Jesus. He is perfect. I have a note in my Bible next to that verse about Hugh controls his tongue. Jesus only said what God told him to say. He was perfect in all his ways, not not me. Thankfully, God never goes back on his word. Christ is perfect in all his ways, and so we can trust what he said and in his promises, and that's what I wanted to encourage us with is words are always true. Ours may fail, we may be false. Your spouse's words may be false and fail, but guess whose words never do god's
Aaron: For years. Now, we've been reiterating with our children that our words are powerful and we say this a lot and we explain to them the impact of both our negative words and our positive words and the way that we say our words. This is something that we're growing in as a family to to believe, to walk in rightly. And I think it's so valuable as parents, and I just wanted to make that note because as adults are walking through this and letting God test us and refine us, and in all those opportunities, repent of how we are to then look at our children and say, and I'm here to help you in that humility.
Jennifer: Often our kids are really good about helping us. Yeah, that's true. And they catch us, mom, why are you talking that way, dad, you talking harsh. So they see and it's really good, and we stop and we look at 'em. We're like, okay, Elliott
Aaron: . Okay, on good at, on a really sweet note. We were down, we have this little village area with shopping, shopping and it's like got these very nature, big stones and big stone rocks. But they're like, some of 'em are flat benches. And we are walking through the village and Edie sits down on one of the rocks and she folds her arms and she goes, mom, and then she reaches out her arm in Pat's next to her. And so I go and sit down and she folds her arms across her chest. So what do you want to talk about? Two. Mind you, it's my two year old. She's so funny acting. She's some, she's grown.
Jennifer: She so
Aaron: Funny and it's really cute but it just made me laugh and think, wow, as much as we're talking in this episode about being mindful of our words and this very serious commitment way, also just remember that our words bring life and can draw one near and I can
Jennifer: Push away.
Aaron: Yeah. But I'm trying to be sweet right now. Oh, sorry. I just wanted to encourage you guys to well, I was going to encourage you as parents, but even with your spouse, get in your people's spaces, make eye contact, laugh, ask good questions that are engaging and be willing to just use your words for good.
Jennifer: I like that.
Aaron: Good. Okay. Also, I pulled out a couple of quotes by some really random people that I thought were really good for . Just this idea of, well, today we're talking about sticking to our commitments and saying what we mean, but it's also this whole theme for January. So I'm kind of just bulking these at the end here because it's just go for it. Going to carry us in. So this first one's from Rory Ro and Rory Rory Vaden. The foundation of a disciplined life is integrity and doing what we say we're going to do.
Jennifer: The next one's from Dallas Willard. When the light comes into a room, we do not have to say, now what are we going to do about the darkness? It's gone. What does have to do
Aaron: This? I liked it. I liked it because we had a conversation, which we can talk about in another episode, but the
Jennifer: Truth is the light coming into the
Aaron: Room. What I thought about is we were having a conversation. I said, I just want, every time I leave, you want to feel like I'm glowing. Remember? Because we were talking about how we talk to each other, and then I thought about also in as being Christians being the light of Christ. So when we come into the room, there is no darkness.
Jennifer: That's true.
Aaron: Our reputation comes in first and it's like, Hey, we know Jesus. We walk like him. We talk like him.
Jennifer: This next one, this next one really fits what we're talking
Aaron: About by Larry. Did I say that
Jennifer: Right? Larry? Wingett. Let take a
Aaron: Wing it. To me, success comes from what you do, not from what you say you're going to do
Jennifer: . That's really good. Yeah. The last one, Steve Harvey,
Aaron: You know him. I know.
Jennifer: Do what you say you're going to do. People can do nothing but respect that. It's true. Yeah. It's a big deal. And I'm sure if someone in your life that is just really good at falling through with things they say, you probably have a deep respect for those people. But we want to have deep respect for ourselves as well, and that we know that our words matter. That's what we always tell our kids.
Aaron: Someone recently shared that. Some friends of ours shared that the people that they respect the most are people who've had a pattern or a way of being for so long in their life that they respect,
Jennifer: Remember? Yeah. They're just not wishy-washy, but that they're consistent.
Aaron: They stick to it. Yeah. They're consistent. That was the word that they use was consistent. And they respect that about that person, and I value that. It's a
Jennifer: Big deal. Yeah.
Aaron: That's good.
Jennifer: Well, why don't we get into the growth spurt?
Aaron: I do it every week, so yes,
Jennifer: Too. Okay. The growth spurt for this month is build trust, as we talked about today. Do what you say you will or don't say you will
Aaron: . Okay. You do. I'm not letting you do the gross spurt anymore. . Okay. Do the pray.
Jennifer: Yeah. Okay.
Aaron: We don't have to go into the gross spurt this time because the whole episode was about that.
Jennifer: Exactly.
Aaron: Exactly.
Jennifer: Dear Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for speaking to us about the importance of sticking to our word. We desire to have integrity and we desire to be trustworthy. Please help us walk in righteousness to do the things we say we are going to do to love others by sticking to commitments made. We ask you to transform this part of us, give us eyes to truly see how our inconsistencies and discrepancies and failures to do what we say hurts people, especially our spouse. We pray we would be a light wherever we go and honor you by doing what we say we're going to do. In Jesus' name, amen.
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| 14 Nov 2018 | How To Enjoy A Stress Free Holiday Season | 00:39:49 | |
A stressful holiday season with all the planning and shopping and traffic is seemingly impossible to avoid. But what if there was a way to enjoy this holiday season with peace and joy rather then stress and anxiety? Well, we believe this is possible. -- -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS READ: Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. And today we're gonna share how to enjoy a stress-free holiday season. Thank you so much for joining us this week and we're really excited to jump into today's episode. Yeah, before we get started, as usual want to invite you to subscribe to our channel so you get notified every time we upload a new episode. So it's that time of the year where holidays are coming up, we got Thanksgiving, we got Christmas. Lots of family stuff going on. Yeah, family time, we got Black Friday, Cyber Monday. Some people see those as holidays. -Yeah. They're spending holidays. So we just thought we'd share some tips on how to have a stress-free holiday. So why don't you give tip number one and then we'll just run through these? Okay. Okay, so the first tip is make sure to plan, when you have everyone over at your house, to do a recipe for dinner that you've never done before. And it's really special if you only give yourself the exact amount of time to get it done. Like a super complicated Pinterest recipe. Super complicated, pictures perfect. It's like 10 courses, dessert, three turkeys, brisket. Like everything, right? And tell everyone don't worry about bringing anything, just make sure you put all that burden and pressure on yourself just so that you can wow 'em, you know? Yeah. Number two. That's a good one. Number two is remember that if you don't provide a perfect, perfect holiday event that everyone's gonna realize that you actually don't love them. Sad. Like if you don't just put it all together perfectly, when you realize that, it'll help you just to do it right so that you get every single thing right and it's just super special. So that's number two. Just to have a stress-free holiday. What's number three? So the third one is keep really high expectations up because if you keep high expectations up on how everything will go, then you're usually more motivated and more excited about that specific day. Yeah, like so high that you like need like a step-up stool to get to the top shelf of expectations, right? Yeah, totally. Yeah, those are the special ones to meet your expectations. Yeah, at the end of the year where all the expectations just like, it's like the power expectation. Yeah, like how this is gonna go is gonna set the tone for all of the next year. All next year. Yeah, exactly. The fourth tip is don't shop online because shopping online is too easy because then you can just wait for it, it comes in the mail and you-- It's boring. You can't like touch the gifts. Yeah, you want to go like the day before, you know, Christmas or-- On a weekend. Yeah, right when everyone's going because that way you can do with other people. It's more communal. And everyone's looking for the same things so it makes the shopping experience just much more eventful. Yeah, and all the traffic to get there, right? I mean, all the red brake lights. That's what I have in my mind when-- And that's time so you just really contemplate how those expectations you just talked about are gonna get fulfilled. Yeah, when I think of holidays, I think of lights, you know, colorful lights. I think of those red tail lights and like traffic jams and lots of long lines and it's just fun, it's fun to be remembering how that is a significant part of shopping. Yeah, that's awesome, we have to come more. What's the next one? So the next one kind of goes along with shopping on the weekends during the holiday season but it's make sure that you get everyone in your family the gifts that they want. And friends and extended family because they all, there's also something they all need, right. Yeah, get everyone everything that they want and if you do it that way, you won't miss anyone and you won't hurt anyone's feeling by not getting them what they wanted. So just be real specific and get 'em what they want. Yeah, and then that goes to the the last tip is because you're getting everything everyone wants, just put it on credit. That way you don't have to worry about not having the money now. Right, right, worry about it next year. Yeah, you can worry about it next year. Like it's-- Stress-free holiday now. Yeah. So of course we're kidding. We do this every once in a while, we give these fake tips. This is a typical holiday I would imagine. It's funny. But I think that these six tips we gave should be thrown out. Because they don't work really. No, they do the opposite. This is we're used to, this is what we're accustomed to, this is what happens, but it doesn't provide that stress-free-- And I don't know about our listeners but this has been, not the credit part, but this has been our lives of like hey, if I get so-and-so one thing, do I have to also get these three people something? Like if I don't get them and then I get them something, are they gonna realize that I didn't and we just have like all of our emotions wrapped up in like what we're getting for someone or how we're preparing an evening or having the most epic recipe. Yeah. And well, I know we were joking about that but I think sometimes we do want to impress people and we want to make sure that they don't have to worry about anything so we put all that pressure on ourselves and we don't usually give ourselves enough time and the other people will miss out on, you know, I don't know, sharing in that blessing of-- Well, so thinking about the food thing. For this year, I'm currently, I'm gonna be smoking a turkey for the first time ever. And so I kind of have some high expectations for myself. For yourself, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I want this to be the best turkey ever. I'm like looking up like special recipes. And so I just need to have some really level expectations of like okay, like what's our back-up plan if I fail at this turkey? Well, as you're talking, I'm thinking okay, and I also have-- Frozen hamburgers. Yeah, no, that's not gonna fly. Okay, but check it out. So I was just thinking as you're talking about expectations and specifically smoking this turkey because you smoking even chicken in the past, I'm sitting there going okay, the sides are done, when is it gonna be ready? So I have to time this better. Yeah, so you're gonna have to time it really good so that my expectations are met, please. Okay. -I'm just kidding. No, but I should probably lower my expectations as well on that one. And know that to get it perfect, it might take a little bit longer to get it just right. Anyways we did the funny tips, these atypical sort of advice that no one would ever give you but we all kind of walk it in some form or fashion. We all do it anyways. But what we want to do is we actually want to walk through just some higher level tips to actually lower the stress. Because these holidays that the world and society has put so much weight on don't actually have to be weighty. They could be very enjoyable and very peaceful and not stressful. Yeah. So before we jump into those real tips, because we're talking about the holiday season, I thought it would be fun to just share with our listeners, you know, maybe some of our favorite memories growing up from our childhood. We can give some of that perspective of like what does a child think about these holidays coming up? Yeah, cuz when we were kids, we didn't think about all of the work or energy that went into it putting it together. Right, we just enjoyed it. We just, yeah, we had fun. So you asked me before we started this episode, you know, what is one of my favorite holiday memories? And I sighed because I'm like, man, I'm really bad at the nostalgia stuff because-- Oh, remembering. Yeah, remembering it. But I just think like I don't remember most presents I ever got. I actually maybe remember one present. I remember all the presents I didn't get. The boots. The boots. I remember like that side of that stuff but I mostly remember going and being around family. Like I remember being excited every time we'd go to my grandparents house and all of my cousins and all of my uncles and everyone was there. And I also remember like loving that there was a lot of food. Like it didn't matter what it was actually, there was one thing. As long as there is candied yams. -That is probably still our favorite part. That's literally my favorite part of this season, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Oh, that and eggnog. Oh, eggnog for sure. That's kind of like the only tradition I have in my life is like I have to drink eggnog. And it can't be mixed with anything. It just has to be pure, thick, delicious. A good brand of eggnog. Yeah, local eggnog. So like yeah, when we're thinking about all the things that now that we're adults might bring us stress, when we were kids the things that we enjoyed about the holidays. It was people and food, I feel like the majority. Yeah, gifts, and like just it was the things that we don't think about now necessarily. We don't remember as kids all the things that made it maybe difficult or heavy or we didn't think about money back then, we didn't think about time or work or all these things that now we think about. So it's a good perspective to think like, oh, well, you know, what our kids experience isn't necessarily what we experience. But we can make them experience it good or bad in the way we think about it. What was one of your favorite experiences growing up with the holidays? Yeah. I would say it was spending time with family and even just running around doing things together was really enjoyable and just seeing the decorations, so whether we were driving or walking in a neighborhood where there was Christmas lights. Oh yeah. You family still does that. Yeah, we still do that. We love that. Christmas light drives. Yeah, we really love that. But just spending time together, I really feel like that was stand out to me. My stepdad and I, we'll still joke about going Christmas shopping and we'd get all, every kid would have a cart and we'd sit on the back of the last person's cart and do like a train through the store. You guys ever do that? Oh, no. Oh, that was really fun for us. There's only ever two of us. Oh, right, we have a little bit bigger family so that was really fun. And then the food. Just you know, always knowing that we were gonna go and we're gonna either make it together or eat it together. You know, all of those things were stand out to me. That's good. So there's some common themes on just the simple things that we remember, not the complicated hard things necessarily. Oh, and Christmas Eves service. Like going to church, we all dressed up. It was the one day a year that we all dressed up in our nicest outfits and did our hair and there was always a little bit of chaos surrounding it. We got to get there on time. But doing like candlelight service, that was always something that I look forward to. Something that you started when we got married, or when we had Elliot I should say, was always opening a gift the night before. Oh yeah. Sorry, I just can't wait. -Yeah, but that's what your family's always done. We've always just enjoyed that. And not me. My family wouldn't let me open them until like after every single person was up, after everyone was showered, after we had breakfast, after the house was clean, after. It's like noon, we're like opening presents. It wasn't that late. Yeah, can't make kids wait that long. Well, another reason, I don't know if you know this, why I like opening gifts early too is because growing up, my parents were divorced and so we had split holidays where I would spend Christmas Eve with my mom, Christmas Day with my dad, and so I kind of did get gifts on both days and so I liked getting them early too. But you liked spending time with the people more probably. Yeah, yeah. So why don't we talk about some tips? Cuz I'm sure everyone that's listening has similar things that they think about, similar experiences, and we're all gonna be different in little nuances but I think overall there's a universal way that we can be in any types of events to be more stress if you have peace, to view these holidays more soberly and enjoy them more. So why don't we talk through some tips that all of our listeners can walk through in their own marriage and practice and start to implement and talk about, and maybe everyone will have a very peaceful simple holiday season. Yeah, well, I think just the the overall tip that I want to mention first was making sure that your heart is right, you know, going into the season. But like that requires you to be intentional every day, to kind of do a heart check and say where am I, what am I thinking about, what's going on, and going before the Lord and if you have expectations or you have hopes and you have specific things that you hope would happen during this time, giving them to him and saying hey, God, could this happen? And just laying it before him. And if it doesn't, be okay with that. Yeah. So that's a good starting point, just checking our hearts. We learned that in the Bible that it's good to examine ourselves, where we're at with all of this stuff, what's our expectations, what's our perceptions do we have, dispositions towards things? Me, I personally have always had a disposition of and people have called me Scrooge. You don't want to be forced to celebrate. I don't like feeling manipulated into like all year round, not a single person thinks anything of me if I don't get him a gift. But I feel like this season like Christmas season, all of a sudden I feel like, well, certain people, are they gonna feel a certain way if I don't get them something and I just, I don't like the way that feels. Now I've had to adjust a lot of my own heart and overall thinking. But yeah, that's been my disposition. I don't know if it was just the way I was raised or just my natural way of being of not liking to being told what to do by society, by commercials. And your disposition has been that it's a special sacred time and there's always like we have to have a Christmas tree and we have to, like you see like an experience that makes you feel a certain way. Yeah, I like to enjoy all the little things and, but almost to the point where I'm not flexible with giving things up if it doesn't happen or getting upset. Right, because the advice you just gave of evaluating here. You've never, not never, but you don't usually stop and say okay, all these things that I love about this season, I'm gonna hand them to you Lord and like what do you want to change in me? Is there something you want me to recognize about myself? Instead of just controlling it and being like I want it to be this way. Which on my end, I'm like throw it all out, I won't do any of it. I think I even asked this year, I was like are we doing a Christmas tree this year? So with them listening and hearing how we're so kind of opposite in this area, I wonder if they think we fight over the holiday season. Sometimes. We do. It happens. Which is why we're talking about this stuff. And that's why it's so important to check our hearts. That's why I wanted to start with that one because all these tips that we're gonna talk about right now go back to this one thing that's your heart and your heart matters, so okay, so. Okay, so number one is communicate. So being able to, I feel like we, every time we do a tip list, we start out with communicate but it's so important. Yeah and most people don't know how to communicate. Like how do I share that I'm not interested in getting a Christmas tree when I know for a fact you absolutely 100% want a Christmas tree? And that's where like in their situations, they're gonna have something maybe similar where one person has a certain idea or way of wanting to do it and the other person has another one. I might not be able to come to you and say hey, can we evaluate this year whether we want to do that or not? Because I might be afraid that you're gonna be broken or hurt or like how could you not want to do? That's what we always have done. But it's not right for you to not say anything just because there's eggshells all around me and you don't want to crack them, so. So not only do we need to give each other room to communicate but then we have to communicate. Yeah. And without an agenda of like I'm gonna communicate because that's exactly what I want. Especially if it's not that big of a deal. But it could be this year I don't think it's wise for us to spend money on the Christmas tree and that's my reasoning behind it. Maybe we're just so busy with other things that we're not going to go cut one down or we're not gonna be able to afford one because, man, they're expensive if you don't go cut one yourself. And a lot of people can't cut themselves. And that's just one example but. So a few things to communicate about is feelings, like how you explain like what your feelings about the holidays and these specific events and with certain people coming and how you might, maybe you're like hey, so-and-so's coming over and actually I have some anxiety about it because of these few reasons. How can you help me navigate this or how should I be thinking about this? So that I can then encourage you or vice versa in the Word of God, in prayer to be preparing our hearts. Maybe we need to change plans. So feelings about the whole thing. Yeah, potential plans, communicating. Like kind of like what you mentioned, this is what we have tentatively on the calendar and just giving your spouse a heads up of like this is what we've already committed to, this what we've said yes to, this is the family that's gonna be in town, this is how we're gonna roll it out. Yeah. Family values, this is the big one, going back to the heart thing. Asking ourselves, communicating with each other like what do we actually value as a family? Is it getting lots of gifts, like we just want to make this like an all out or is it like we want to be simpler, we want to teach more intrinsic things. We want to just teach just being together, reading together, listening to certain songs together, singing together, learning something new together, serving together. Like what are our values and how can we wrap everything else around our values and what do we need to get rid of that are kind of ancillary to our values? Like oh, we don't need to do those things or that we're doing for another motive and it doesn't really fit into what we are as a family or what we want to teach our children, right? Like just one example would be like let's say if it comes to gifts. Instead of everyone getting five gifts, maybe, and we've done this before, like one little tiny gift and like one learning gift and one gift that they really want. Or one gift or just a dollar amount that we want to spend. Some people, and we've talked about this even, do like a give and get. Like hey, you're gonna get a gift but is there something that you want to give to someone else and how-- Your siblings, yeah. So practicing those things like what are our values as a family? And then the last one, it would be expectations on all of these things. You have to identify what those are before you can communicate them, so this goes back to checking your heart and thinking and considering about how you want this holiday season to be and then sitting down with your spouse and communicating that. Yeah, so lots of communication about all these things and continual communication. Yeah, and I think the key to this type of communication, especially if you want a stress-free holiday is to communicate with humility leading your heart. Yeah. And asking the Lord like you said in the beginning, what his heart is for the holiday. Yeah, yeah, don't skip over what he wants for you. Yeah, are we just like kind of gonna do our own thing or are we gonna actually say okay, Lord, what do you want to happen? Because if you do it that way, then he's at the center of all of it, right? Yeah. And he could even pull out of us something that he wants to change in us about the way we view it or the things that we want or don't want. Yeah, and oftentimes when you keep God at the center of your relationship like that, what I've known from experience is that it can even change your heart or perspective towards your spouse. Like if if you guys aren't in agreeance over how many gifts are gonna be given or what family is gonna come over or whether you're gonna get that Christmas tree or not, instead of arguing about it, God actually changes your heart or changes their heart on the matter so that you guys can be in unity and enjoy that season. That's good. So the next thing we want to talk about, we just talked about expectations but now we're going to go into expectations. So just the idea of letting go, being flexible, and having very light expectations. Because again, these days are just days. Like yes, they have some meaning to them, yes they're they're an opportunity to celebrate something like the birth of our Lord, you know, those kinds of things, but they are just another day. The Bible doesn't give us directives on how to do these holidays and that we need to be observing them. These are actually not biblical ideas at all. We celebrate biblical things during them but they're not necessary, they're not required, they're not a thing that the Christian must do to be a Christian. So just having that mentality of like okay, my expectation is this is another day and we're gonna celebrate Jesus and we're gonna celebrate Thanksgiving. But are our expectations above and beyond what they need to be? Are we setting too high of expectations or are we being real and saying okay, Lord, like I want to be so like low on my expectation. Not low. I use the word light because it's not low expectations. It's not like you don't have to have expectations. You can have expectations, you're just saying they don't need to be so lofty that they're almost unattainable. Because the problem with that is, let's just be real for a minute, if you had these high expectations and let's say your kids get sick or your husband's running late or whatever, how is that gonna dictate your attitude or are you gonna lash out, are you gonna be frustrated, are you gonna stomp around the house? And I'm using this because I've done it before. I'm just recognizing like why expectations can be so dangerous in someone's heart when they're not met. Well, and then asking ourselves where the expectations are coming from. So our expectations usually come from one of two places, external forces or internal ones. Is it an expectation that I put on myself for this holiday like oh, I want everyone to know that I've got it all together, that this is gonna be amazing, that they're gonna all be taken care of by me either as the husband or the wife, like whatever their expectations are internally. Or is it external? Oh, my in-laws are coming and they're gonna be expecting an extravaganza, they're gonna be expecting me to have it all together, and there's lots of other reasons. My friends or my social media accounts, like what they see from my family. But even then like even though those are external places, that still comes from an internal place because those people might not even be thinking what you think they're thinking. That's true. There are all these expectations that we have, they're internal motivations of like oh, I don't want to look this way or that way or I do want to look this way or that way. And those aren't good things. Those are so unhealthy and they're dangerous and we do it in many, many, many areas but they often rear their ugly head in a season of heightened expectation and respond, and things that are drawing us. Yeah and I think that's where the chaos comes from. A large chunk of it, the stress comes during the holiday seasons from these expectations. Yeah, well, and we have to remember that, like I was just saying, these holidays are not things that the Bible's insist you did and called us to remember. Like the Bible tells us to remember the Lord's Supper and to remember what Christ did, right? Yeah, are we even doing that? Yeah, like which is a good thing to implement, like hey, we should do this with our family as a tradition. But these holidays, man, the world has been so good at impressing on us necessity for things. Like oh, if you don't participate to this extent, oh, you're not a good person or you're not a good Christian or you're not, you know, you must not love, you know. But that's wrong. Like I hate commercials because they, something I didn't need, now all of a sudden I need it. Right, and they make you, that's what marketing is about. Doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing but how it influences us and how we drive, you know, making our house look a certain way and the presents and all the things that we don't just lay on ourselves but then the society and the world lays on us also to participate in. We actually can think differently about it. It doesn't have to be a huge thing to us, it doesn't have to be a big heavy. And I know people are gonna be like well, what's the big deal about Christmas, I like celebrating it. I'm not saying don't celebrate things. I'm saying understand where a lot of our drive and motivation comes from and oftentimes it's from internal insecurities or expectations and external forces pulling you along and saying this is what you must do and how you must think and what you must be. Again this goes back to my Scrooginess that people have called out. Like I just don't like feeling like one day a year is the day of gift-giving and that's how we celebrate. Right? My thought is like well, if you love people, aren't you gonna like give them gifts in all different forms throughout their whole life? And like your life is gonna want to serve them and love them and be generous to them? And what's funny is the Bible tells us to love our enemies and to pray for those that persecute us, so we have this idea of like giving to those who don't even deserve to be given to by us. And it's just, I'm kind of ranting now but having just the right expectations and this just goes into the next thing we're going to talk about is having a sober mind as a family about the holidays, which is everything I'm getting to right now. You know, the fact that we may be able to celebrate any day in relative health, with food, with our loved ones, is a humongous blessing. Yeah, and we should recognize that. We should be thanking God for that and honoring him and showing him our appreciation for even the simplest of things that he's already given to us. Yeah, I think about that scripture in Proverbs that says a house full of feasting and yet with strife is not as good as a house full of peace with a little food. Like you can have this huge feast and all the presents and everything beautiful. And all the family drama that goes with it. And all the drama and frustrations and anger and fights and bitterness and all the weird stuff that goes on, and that's not good. I don't want any of that. I'd rather have like a few morsels on the table and we're all loving each other and talking about the Lord and serving others and we're healthy, you know? And that, like praise the Lord. You know, so a sober mind. How often do you do you think that way? Cuz like this season just makes us think about a lot of other things. Yeah, I'll be honest, I get really distracted by what you mentioned earlier which is expectations and like how I view a certain day or week or entire season should go and the things that I want to do, the things I want to teach my kids, the experiences I want to have. You know, some of my expectations and I don't know if those listening will agree or can relate to, but some of my expectations come from wanting to recreate my own childhood or things that I thought were really fun and-- To give to our kids. To give to our kids and to share those memories with them or build new ones around those ideas or experiences, which isn't a bad thing at all but sometimes I'm so consumed with that that I do miss out on these other really important things like just being thankful for all the simple things that God's already given to us. Yeah. Well, and then like you mentioned something about recreating or creating new traditions and which traditions can be good in a home, as long as we're not like relying on traditions, but you know, I was thinking like sometimes we look at other people's lives and like look at the traditions they've got and like oh, that's so special. And doesn't mean we can't glean from other families and like oh, I'd love to implement something like that. But then we again, we put something on our shoulders, and be like oh, unless we do that, we're failing our children somehow or-- Or this isn't the holiday that I wanted. Yeah and I just, I don't think that's a very sober way of looking at any day of our life. You know, I'm worrying about tomorrow when today's got enough worries of its own, right? And I feel like the best family traditions, the healthiest traditions, especially ones that are wrapped in the gospel and in the Bible and knowing God, come naturally as we serve God and seek Him and as his desires come out of us because what happens is generosity, right? We start training that because that becomes, that's a part of what we are because God's generous, we love to be generous, so instead of about getting, it's about giving and that just becomes a tradition in our home naturally. What are some other ways that we can think soberly about this season? Well, we say it all the time but it's walking in the spirit and intentionally walking in the spirit during these times. That's really gonna keep the stress and chaos and conflict out of the home. Yeah. I would say, and the reason we bring up so much, I actually believe that the core of being a Christian outside of believing in God, in Christ, and him crucified, right, is walking in the spirit. Because when you walk in the spirit, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. And against such things there is no law. It says like when you walk that way, you're walking in perfect harmony with God, right? And so no matter what's going on in the world, in our home for the holidays, if we're walking in the spirit, it's a good thing. Our kids are gonna glean from that, it's the best gift we can give to our children. It's the best gift we can give to our spouse. It's the best gift we can give to our neighbors. And the reason I always go back to this, it calls it fruit. The fruit isn't for the benefit of the tree, it's for the benefit of the eater, right? So if I'm the tree and I bear fruit, then everyone around me gets to eat the good fruit. You know, you get to enjoy my peace and my patience and my kindness and my goodness and my gentleness and my faithfulness and self-control. Those are all things that are good. Now they benefit me too of course but the purpose is everyone around me. So I feel like to think soberly like you said, walking in the spirit. Yeah. So going on to the next one would be no day's actually about us anyway. So I think sometimes when we set those expectations, it's all about us. When we try and plan and prepare and cram so much into the holiday season and we do everything we can, spin in circles to try and make it happen, we're doing it because we're trying to fulfill something, our own desire, and we have to remember that it's not about us. It's about the people that you're engaging with, it's about the kids that you want to experience these memories with, it's about the people at the store who are trying to check out all these other customers. And dealing with angry people and frustrations and-- If we're only focused on ourselves, we're gonna miss every opportunity that God has for us to do ministry, to love, and to reflect his light in their life. Yeah and again it's not even just about others, it's about Christ. Like what light are we being in the world during a season like this or are we just looking like everyone else? Are we also frustrated because that one thing I wanted or the line was so long or the traffic or whatever it is? Yeah, don't huff and puff your way through the holidays because-- Or being frustrated because you can't afford certain things or because, like there's that other spectrum of like maybe not be able to accomplish or do or participate in what you want. And still remembering it's not about any of that stuff. It's about Christ and are we being a light in this world? Yeah, this will also help in if you experience a family conflict like with aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa, other siblings, other adults, like people who should be able to walk in maturity and just figure things out. We're not perfect and our flesh wants to fight sometimes, so if we were to just stop and realize that none of these days, this whole season, this whole life that we have is not about us, when we hit that wall or conflict with other people, other family members, if we walk in this and we remember that it's not about us, then we're usually more giving or serving to that other person and we can make things work, we can make it happen. And then you're being an example of God's love and light to them and hopefully they'll change too. Yeah, which is the point of this life as a believer. It's a point of a marriage after God is to be a light in the world. And so the last little point I want to, I threw this one on about having a sober mind is, and we talked about this in the finance episode we did, do not put stuff on credit. No. If you can't afford it, just don't get it. Change your expectations. Like no one's gonna hate you, right? Hopefully. But I promise you're not gonna regret not putting stuff on credit. Yeah or find another way to be, like if you really wanted to get someone a gift, be more thoughtful in like writing them a personal note, letter, or something on really nice paper. I mean, there's other ways around gift-giving without money. And letting them know that you love them. Yeah, so that was just a quick one. Don't put things on credit. Don't fall into that temptation. Just avoid it. Yeah, and if you are tempted, especially to fulfill like maybe your children and getting them a lot of gifts because when you were a child, you didn't get a lot of gifts, sometimes people wrestle with that. I would just think like your child's not gonna not like you or not love you because when they were younger, you didn't get them everything that they ever wanted. In fact, they'll probably, like we just shared about our favorite memories, they'll remember the time that you spent with them. Yeah. And they won't know what you don't get them, so that's a good thing. Let's go into the last part, this is the most important part. And it goes along with what we were talking about before the credit thing about remembering it's not about us. Yeah, that you have a ministry, your marriage has a ministry, the whole family has a ministry that God wants to do through you and I feel like during the holiday season there is so many opportunities to minister to other people and to just be that light in their lives. Yeah, God's antidote to our natural state of selfishness, because our natural fleshly state is to preserve ourself, and to serve ourself, and to feed ourself, and to bless ourself, and to love ourself, is to love and bless others. Is to turn things outward. And so use this season with your family as a marriage after God to bless and serve other people. That looks so many different ways. We have a few ideas. One of them we've done every year for the last 10 years, a long time. It's called Operation Christmas Child. And it's you get a shoebox and you fill it with some little goodies and what they do is they send them all over the world. And you can actually, if you do it right, they'll track it and say where your box went. And it goes to a child and every single child gets the gospel and they get prayed for and loved on by people that are giving these gifts. And not only are they getting a box of gifts that you gave them, they're getting the gospel. And this is a great one to do with your family or just your community, your church community, and just spend that time together talking about these kids that are gonna receive these gifts. Praying for them. Praying for them, teaching your children why it's good to be generous and I don't know, we've really, really loved doing this. Yeah and so that's a fun one. We're gonna do it this year with our church, we do it every year. And so that's one way. What's another way? So another one is be in prayer for your friends and family. So kind of like you said, praying for those kids that are gonna receive those boxes, make sure that you're praying for other people who are in your life and just love on them in that way. Yeah, practice with your kids. So we train with our children, we say hey Elliot, who do you wanna pray for? We'll give him ideas. You wanna pray for your friend? You wanna pray for your grandma? You want to pray for? And just be praying for those that don't know the Lord and pray for salvation for them, pray that God reveals himself to them and that Christians are brought around them to minister to them and love on them. Pray that you have an opportunity as a family to do that and have that be a core message, a core event, not just on the holiday but throughout the holidays, like every day. And then practice doing it all throughout the year. But use this as a season to specifically say hey, let's be praying for grandma and grandpa. They're coming out, they're gonna be around us, let's pray that we can be good examples and let's pray we can love on them and make them feel loved and blessed. So making prayer a main part of this season. That's good. So another one, we've talked a lot about food on this episode, but it's inviting people who you know don't have a lot of family around or maybe don't have any plans or maybe they're in need and inviting them over for a nice meal. To join your family, yeah. And make something for them and get them a gift and let them be a part and participate. Especially if you have friends that don't have family that are nearby, maybe they're gonna be alone. Don't let anyone be alone. Especially I was just thinking we have experienced this because we've traveled and we've been in places that-- When it was just us. We didn't have family around, when it was just us, and even now a lot of our family lives in California, we're in Oregon, and so we've done the Friendsgiving thing when our family didn't come in. I don't know, I just think it's such a loving way to share the gospel with someone. I mean, we've felt loved by it, we've experienced God's love and his truth come through this so. Yeah, so use hospitality as a gift you can give to others. Inviting them into your home, into your apartment, to be a part of what God's doing in your life. So the last thing is just, and we kind of had hit on this a lot. Well, and as you do these things that we're talking about as far as blessing people, you'll fulfill this role. Yeah, just use this holiday season as a very intentional time to teach your children and yourselves. To be honest, I need to be reminded of this stuff and taught it and practice it. To be generous and giving and to have hearts of service. So do your neighbors need anything? Is there any way you can bless them? Maybe you can bring them groceries. Maybe it's like baking them a pie and bringing them a card. So using this season to be very intentional about teaching our children, ourselves, about generosity, about service, and about being outward focused. And I think that's the best way to get our minds off of ourselves, to get our minds off of our own anxieties and stress and worries about this season and what it might mean, and make it about other people. You know? And doesn't mean we can't enjoy it and have our own things. I'm just saying the main focus and just how do we operate as a marriage after God. And I think those things are the best way to have a stress-free holiday season. Yeah, and it's what we all want, like we all desire to be able to enjoy this time of year and spend it with our families. And so I think that one of the reasons why we wanted to just talk about this today is to encourage you guys to check your hearts, talk about it, talk about your expectations, talk about the things that you hope to do or the family that's gonna be in town, and just pray. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray with your spouse about all of it, pray with your kids for other people, find ways to be generous. I mean, all these things that we talked about, like Aaron said, it's to get our hearts right before God and right with each other and I think that if we do that, it does eliminate so much of that stress and chaos. It brings peace from God into our lives. And so as we come to a close, I just want to ask you to sit down with your spouse and as a couple ask God, God, what do you want for us this holiday? What do you want to use our family for as a marriage after God? And so we love you guys and we thank you for joining us and we'll see you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 16 Mar 2023 | The Jesus Revolution Movie Review And How We Are Connected To It | 00:42:48 | |
In this weeks episode we would like to invite you to invest in your marriage in a meaningful way and by doing so you will also be helping support this podcast. simply take a moment and head over to our online store shop.marriageaftergod.com And grab a set of our devotionals or prayer journals. Here are some of the resources we have written for you. The Ultimate Marriage After God Growth Bundle (30% OFF) 5 of our most popular books 31 Prayers For My Son & Daughter books bundle And for those of you that are engaged our are in a waiting period we have 31 Prayers For My Future husband and wife books. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 29 Aug 2024 | 10 Biblical Ways to Resolve Conflict in Marriage | 01:01:22 | |
In today's episode, we tackle the crucial topic of biblical conflict resolution in marriage. Join Aaron and Jennifer Smith as they explore 10 powerful ways to address and resolve marital disputes using God's wisdom. Drawing from scripture and personal experiences, the Smiths offer practical advice for couples seeking to navigate disagreements with love, understanding, and a Christ-centered perspective. We examine key principles including:
Whether you're newlyweds or have been married for decades, this episode provides valuable insights to help you and your spouse grow closer to each other and to God through the challenges of conflict. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Topics Discussed in the Episode:
Connect with Us: Follow us on Instagram: Marriage After God - https://www.instagram.com/marriageaftergod Unveiled Wife - https://www.instagram.com/unveiledwife Husband Revolution - https://www.instagram.com/husbandrevolution Ways to Support This Podcast: Visit our shop: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/ Become a patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Jennifer Smith, Christian marriage, conflict resolution, biblical principles, forgiveness, repentance, communication in marriage, oneness, spiritual warfare, love in marriage, reconciliation, Christian living, marriage advice, biblical interpretation, relationship strengthening, faith in marriage, spiritual growth, Christian podcasts, marriage enrichment, conflict management, biblical marriage, godly relationships, marital disputes, Christian conflict resolution. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 09 May 2018 | Our Need for Romance In Marriage (Physical & Emotional) | 00:33:02 | |
Romance is the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. Romance is breaking up the mundane of the day to remind each other that you desire them and are thinking of them. Every marriage needs romance. We discuss the importance of both physical and emotional romance in marriage. Physical romance includes touch, affection, sex, kissing, holding hands, and all of the different ways a husband and wife connect physically to show their love for each other. Emotional romance is connectedness through communication, becoming known, spending quality time together, listening to each other, laughing and playing together, cultivating a strong bond of unity. We must not see a husband or wife only need one form of romance over another, both are important for a marriage to thrive. A marriage after God pursues physical and emotional romance continuously. -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 09 Oct 2019 | 7 Battle Verses for Overcoming Sin - Part One | 00:34:18 | |
The word of God is sharper than any two edge sword it cuts through the bone and it pierces to the soul, it’s the thing that transforms us. Today in the Marriage After God Podcast we are going over several anchor verses to meditate on when you are trying to overcome sin. “This is not a conversation about how to be saved, that we walk perfectly and holy and that’s how God is going to receive us. No. This is a conversation that the believers are already saved, and being sanctified. But it’s through the knowledge of the word of God that we are more and more sanctified and walk in more and more holiness. The desire is that we hate our sin more and more the same way God hates our sin because our sin destroys us.” - Aaron Smith Our desire is that today’s podcast not only helps equip you to fight temptation, but that it also prepares you to encourage your spouse when they are wrestling with sin. We pray that this episode blesses you. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 04 Jan 2021 | WE ARE BACK With A Word For The New Year!!! | 00:55:22 | |
WE. ARE. BACK! we missed you all. We have a word for you this year and we share what God has been working in us since we took our hiatus back in June! Join our free Marriage Prayer Challenge Today! http://marriageprayerchallenge.com
PRAYER Dear Lord, Thank you for this last year. Although it was difficult and different in many ways, we know you were working. We trust you and we hope for all that is to come, all that your word says will come. We are excited for this new year and the many opportunities we will have by your grace to share Your gospel with others. We pray for boldness and great faith. We pray for the right words when the time is right. We pray for receptive hearts and we pray for revival. May you draw hearts closer to yourself. We pray marriages would be stronger this year. We pray our eyes and our hearts would be focused on you, what you are doing, and how we can participate. We pray for truth to prevail. We pray gratefulness will overwhelm our hearts and our minds. May your peace guard us and may Your holy spirit Lead us into this next year. In Jesus’ name, amen!
Transcript [Jennifer] Welcome to the "Marriage After God Podcast."
[Aaron] We're your hosts. I'm Aaron.
[Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer.
[Aaron] We've been married for 14 years.
[Jennifer] And we have five young children.
[Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other.
[Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book, "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast.
[Aaron] "Marriage After God" is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose.
[Jennifer] To reflect his love.
[Aaron] To be a light in this world.
[Jennifer] To work together as a team.
[Aaron] Using what he has given us.
[Jennifer] To build his kingdom.
[Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey.
[Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together
[Aaron] This is "Marriage After God." Hey, welcome back to a new season of the "Marriage After God Podcast," and with it a new year.
[Jennifer] 2021. It's here.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure a lot of us are like thankful that it's no longer 2020.
2020 felt long.
With probably good reason. Yeah, it was a long year. But we're your hosts, Aaron and Jennifer Smith.
Hi!
And we're glad to be back. We've taken quite a bit, quite a long hiatus from recording episodes for the podcast. But yeah, and we're here with season five, January, 2021, excited to be here.
[Jennifer] So I think it's safe to say that 2020 was, different?
[Aaron] Difficult?
[Jennifer] Disorient. I can't say that word.
[Aaron] Disorientating?
Disorientating a little bit.
It is a long word.
[Jennifer] Just so much has happened, you know. And the personal impact of last year looks different, you know, from family to family. But Aaron and I just wanted to take a minute and just speak to anyone who especially felt affected this last year and in profound ways. Even small ways, it doesn't matter. At any point, if you struggled, if you wrestled, if you were frustrated or confused or just had a hard time this last year, we just want to acknowledge that.
[Aaron] Yeah, anyone who's lost loved ones or jobs, businesses, those who got sick, who struggled with anxiety, mental illness, we just wanna say that we're praying for you guys. And we didn't wanna skip over this. We are gonna try and be light, but real things happened this year.
[Jennifer] A lot happened.
[Aaron] We just wanna remind you that your peace and your shelter is God. And we just pray that God would be your peace right now, and that he'd be comforting you. But if you have gone through that and you're here listening today, we welcome you. And we're excited to encourage you today and share a little bit of our life with you. And we're excited to get back into the podcast with you. So, yeah, but we just wanted to start with that.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and now we're here starting a new season of the podcast. And we're jumping into a new year. Hopefully, all looking forward to a better year, but maybe we're just all a little bit more prepared to embrace whatever this year has for us and accept, you know, what is to come, whatever that is.
[Aaron] And just a word we wanted to give, and not to whimsically throw this word around, but for the believer, this word is everything for us. And the New Testament over and over again reminds us of this word for good reason. And so we wanna remind you, also, fellow Christians, of the word hope. And it's an important aspect of the Christian faith that sometimes gets overlooked, because when the world goes the way it's going, it might overshadow, it might make us feel like, "Wait, is there hope?" Like, "What's going on?"
[Jennifer] But, for us, I mean, when hard times hit, it's that hope that gets us through, really, to persevere, to endure. Because we're not just looking for the hope of a better day or a hope of things, circumstances to change. What are we looking for?
[Aaron] Yeah, our hope isn't an earthly, temporary, imperfect thing. Our hope is in something eternal, something sure and everlasting. So, you know, our hope isn't in the things that are perishing. The Bible tells us and cautions to keep our eyes above where Jesus sit on the throne, right? Keep our eyes on heavenly things. So I just wanted to read a section from Hebrews 6 that explains what this hope is for us and where it comes from. It starts in verse 13. It says, "For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself saying, 'Surely I will bless you and multiply you.'" So this was God's promise to Abraham. "And thus, Abraham having patiently waited, obtained the promise, for people swear by something greater than themselves. And in all their disputes and oath is final for confirmation." So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise, so the heirs of the promise, that's us, brothers and sisters, that we're the heirs of this promise. So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath. So that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf having become a high priest forever. So our hope is eternal. It's sure, it's an anchor, it's steadfast. But what is that hope in? It's in Jesus Christ, it's in his complete work. It's in the fact that he is sitting on the throne next to God in heaven, interceding for us believers. That's what the Bible tells us. He's praying for us. He's encouraging us through his spirit. And at the end of all of this, we get eternity with him because of him. So our hope is not in, you know, the government figuring things out and fixing all the problems. Our hope is not in a cure for things. Our hope is in Christ and his work and what he's done. And that's a sure thing, and it's certain, and it's perfect. And so, brothers and sisters, we just wanna encourage you, regardless of what happened in 2020, no matter what 2021 has for us, we have hope in the perfect and complete work of Jesus.
[Jennifer] That was really good, Aaron. And it was super encouraging just to hear you share that with us. And I just want to just affirm our listeners that one of the biggest motivations of why we do what we do and our reasoning for getting into season five of the podcast is because Aaron and I feel very strongly that our purpose, God's purpose for us, is to be an encouragement to the believer.
[Aaron] To the church, yeah.
[Jennifer] I just really look forward to this next season and the episodes that we have coming out because I truly believe that they are gonna be a source of inspiration and encouragement, and just reminding the believers to have that steadfast hope, no matter what we face, no matter what we endure through. And like we mentioned earlier, from family to family, it will look different, but I guess we're all in this together.
[Aaron] As believers, yeah.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and Aaron and I just wanna be here for you, wanna be a voice of encouragement for you.
[Aaron] So with everyone experiencing so much change, we've experienced change, we actually talked about change in the very last episode of season four, it's explaining why we were taking a hiatus and just taking a break. And the changes we made coming into season five, we've made a little bit of changes. You've probably noticed the new theme song in the beginning of this episode.
[Jennifer] Yeah, it kind of just go straight to the music and our intro. And then you just shared the title of the song that we chose. Do you wanna share it?
Yeah, this song with the whistling which we really like is called "Can't Be Bothered." And so it's kind of like a theme for this year that, as believers, we're just like, we're not gonna be bothered by what's going on in the world. We're gonna keep our eyes on Jesus.
[Jennifer] Actually, when we were gearing up to just start this episode, we heard the whistling and Aaron goes, "It's like we're holding hands frolicking on the hills of green." I don't remember what you said.
That's what it sounds like.
But it was so picturesque. So I just have that vision running around in my mind.
[Aaron] So when you hear the song, we pray that it encourages that idea of frolicking with your spouse.
[Jennifer] No, Aaron prays that it gets stuck in your head and you think about our podcast.
[Aaron] That too. That's the marketing in me. Yeah. So we have a new intro to the podcast. And what we'll do is, instead of starting with us talking and then going into the intro, it's gonna be intro. And then we're just gonna jump into saying hi to you guys and talking about what God has put on our hearts and what's going on in our lives. And so, yeah, that's a little bit of the change for this new season. There's another change that we were doing for this season, and we'll share that at the end of the episode, but it's a little fun thing to encourage new habits and new ways of thinking. And I'll leave that as a secret until the end.
[Jennifer] Oh, they're gonna be just wanting to know more.
[Aaron] Yeah, so as usual, we do wanna invite you, if you haven't done so yet, to leave a star rating. At the end of this episode, if you want, just scroll to the bottom of the podcast app and just tap on one of those stars. And it helps us get into the algorithms so that other people can find the podcast. And if you have time, leaving us a written review is just a huge blessing. It helps others know what the podcast is about. It helps others hear your testimony of what you might've been encouraged by or blessed by from the podcast.
[Jennifer] And it encourages us.
[Aaron] And it encourages us. So we just wanna invite you to do that at the end of this episode, or at any time, really, to help spread the word about this podcast.
[Jennifer] So we already mentioned that this is season five of the "Marriage After God Podcast." And we just wanted to note here that if you are new and you haven't had a chance to listen to previous episodes, or if maybe you've missed any, just to take a look at some of those past episodes, you know, your next commute or laundry day, be sure to catch up. Also, subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes.
[Aaron] Yeah. There's a lot of episodes, over 100. So you have plenty of time to go and listen to all of that. And we'd love to hear from you, to know what your favorite episode is, but yeah. Hey, what's happening in two days?
[Jennifer] It's our anniversary. 14 years. I can't believe it!
14? Are you sure it's not like six or seven?
Mm-mm, definitely 14.
No, it's 14 years. Man, it's been a long time.
[Jennifer] Happy Anniversary!
[Aaron] Yeah, Happy Anniversary to us!
[Jennifer] You know, it's funny, as, usually, we're so good about wrapping up the end of the year with talking about goals and visions and dreams and things we desire for the coming year. And I think just because 2020 was such a whirlwind, we did it a little bit in November, just because we were itching for some like-
Normalcy.
Yeah, normal and new. But we never really had that conversation. So I think come-
[Aaron] I'm a little satisfied, too. I'm okay, like, I don't have any huge goals. I'm sure we'll come up with some, but right now I'm just like, "Okay, cool. 2021, let's see what's going on."
[Jennifer] We usually go out to dinner on our anniversary to celebrate. And so I'm excited to see how that will play out. And I'm just excited.
In the coming weeks. But yeah, 14 years. I'm proud to be your husband. It's been a roller coaster. Roller coasters are fun.
Yeah. In a good way. But they're also scary.
[Jennifer] Yeah, I was gonna say terrifying.
[Aaron] And I think that's a good definition of marriage. But man, it's been good. I wouldn't trade the last 14 years. And it's actually been more than 14 years. We knew each other for quite a few years before we were married. So we've been knowing each other for a long time.
[Jennifer] Still love you. Okay, so let's take it way back. What was your favorite memory from our first year of marriage?
Ooh, it was a long time ago.
I know. I know.
[Aaron] 14 years. Okay, so we were gonna be planning on going to Africa.
[Jennifer] We did go.
[Aaron] I know, but in the first year, we were planning. And we moved up to Washington for a short while to spend time with friends, to raise some funds. And that time we were in Washington, actually, was really cool.
[Jennifer] Yeah, do you remember the drive we took and it was just like no agenda type of drive out in like farmland and we saw a bald Eagle.
[Aaron] Eating something on the ground.
[Jennifer] Yeah, that was pretty cool.
[Aaron] That was cool. So that was cool, that was a long time ago. We were like kids back then. But no, that was cool. We stayed in a little tiny apartment above, what was the shop? It was like a print shop.
Print shop or something.
[Aaron] That's what it was, downtown in Washington.
Super fun.
It was interesting and cool. But that was a fun time.
It just feels like a whole lifetime ago.
[Aaron] That was almost a whole lifetime ago, yeah. So, yeah, that was one of my fond memories of year one.
Awesome.
What was yours?
[Jennifer] Well, it's a hard memory, but it's a good memory.
[Aaron] This is your favorite memory, is a hard one?
[Jennifer] I'll tell you why.
[Aaron] Okay, just do it. Pull the bandaid off, just tell me.
Maybe I shouldn't. I think I even wrote about it in one of our books, but do you remember staying in the airport, and we had just flew back from Africa and we're in like Miami or something like that?
We had a transition.
[Jennifer] And we were gonna El Salvador.
[Aaron] Like right from there.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and we're trying to not miss our plane, and I just stop in the middle of the airport and I'm just falling.
You dropped your bags.
[Jennifer] I'm just crying. And you turn around. And I'm a newlywed still, right?
[Aaron] You're a good, like 20 yards behind me, just sitting there crying. And I'm like-
I don't know what I'm doing.
'Cause we're like gonna miss our plane.
[Jennifer] And you turn around, and you come rushing back. And you're like, "What could possibly be wrong right now? We've got a plane to catch." And I just said, "I think you married the wrong girl." Like, what we were doing, the ministry and the missions, everything was just so hard. And you grabbed my hand so hard and you said, "Okay, we can talk about it later." And you pulled me along with you.
[Aaron] Which is like the theme of our marriage. I just, yeah, you got this, let's go. We'll talk about it later.
[Jennifer] Yeah, but it is just a really good feeling to know that no matter what I'm going through, ups, downs, you've always been that hand of encouragement and someone to tug me along and say, "You got this." And even throughout this last year, 2020, you did that for me so many times. But instead of saying, "We'll talk about it later," we talked about it right in the moment. And I just really appreciate that about you, that you are willing to remind me who I am, remind me who we are together, and what are our purpose is, you know, for God's kingdom. And so, like I said, it's kind of one of those twisted, weird, hard memories, but I am so grateful for it.
[Aaron] And that was fun.
[Jennifer] It was so fun.
[Aaron] It was like, yes, there was a lot of hardness in it, but there was a lot of fun in it too. So encouragement for those husbands out there. It's one of your ministries, grabbing your wife's hand and dragging her. Oh, encouraging her.
No grabbing your wife's hand and encouraging her.
Along the way. And telling her you love her and that you wanna listen to everything she's struggling with.
And reminding her that you're there for her. That's what I meant. Thank her.
Okay. Let's move on. Happy anniversary. I love you. And let's move on.
[Aaron] Hey, real quick, we always want to offer something for free for you, for our listeners. We've made quite a few resources, and one of our most popular ones is our marriage prayer challenge. And you can go to marriageprayerchallenge.com, all one word, marriageprayerchallenge.com, all one word, it's completely free. You can join up, and we're gonna send you a prayer prompt every day for the next 31 days for you to pray for your husband or for your wife. And it's not to replace your prayer life. It's to inspire it.
Inspire it.
[Aaron] Yeah, it's like a fun challenge to be like, "Hey, I'm gonna get this email, and like, Oh, here's a new thing. I'm gonna pray for this today for my wife. I'm gonna pray for this today for my husband." And over 100,000 husbands and wives have taken this challenge already.
That's incredible.
Will you join them? If you haven't yet. Marriage prayerchallenge.com. It's completely free. It's 31 days. It's an email. It's simple. Sign your spouse up with you with their permission, yeah.
With their permission.
[Aaron] Yeah, but get that free thing. We wanna offer something every single episode for you guys to either download or get involved with for free.
[Jennifer] This is also made possible in part by our faithful prayer team patrons. And we just wanted to do a shout out to them and say thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.
[Aaron] Yeah, those patrons help these emails stay free. And so, thank you.
[Jennifer] Okay, can I just say that it feels really good to be broadcasting with you again?
[Aaron] Does it?
I know.
[Jennifer] This is way more natural to Aaron. And he could just jump on a microphone and start talking. And for me, it's a little bit more challenging, but he's patient with me. But I really am excited to be here. And like we said earlier, we took a break starting in the summertime after season four, which was actually cut short a little bit. And we just felt like-
We needed a break.
[Jennifer] For ourselves and for our family, we just needed a break. And it was so nice and refreshing. Guys, we've been doing this ministry for 10 years, and podcasting for, what, almost four?
[Aaron] Yeah, we were going pretty nonstop in the podcast for a couple of years.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and it just takes a lot of, you know, mental capacity to dive into these. And we want to do them for you guys, but it was one of those, just-
[Aaron] Well, and we also, we were about to or just had, I don't remember at what point we had our fifth child.
[Jennifer] Yep. We had Edith. And so I was still in postpartum.
[Aaron] And a hiatus was like, totally warranted. We were like, "Let's do this. Let's take a break."
[Jennifer] But what was so encouraging was you guys. You guys would reach out to us and say, "Hey, we miss the podcast. We miss you guys. What's going on?" And we'd say, "Yeah, we're taking a break, and we're enjoying it." And they would say, "Oh, good." Be like that's-
[Aaron] Yeah, but, "Don't take too long."
[Jennifer] Actually, there was a handful of you that are like, "Well, we're really excited for when you come back." So just thank you guys so much for all of your messages. We really appreciate that.
[Aaron] So although 2020 was a really odd year and incredibly difficult for some and lonely for others, for us, we had our own stuff going on. I mean, everyone has their stuff. We had our own stuff. We had some deep, deep lows. We had some really awesome highs.
[Jennifer] Oh, I wanna share a little-
Do it.
Is it a story? I don't have any illustration.
Good illustration, yeah.
A good thing. A few days ago, I went through about six boxes of Legos trying to help my son look for a particular mini-fig, if you're familiar with those. His was Heartbreaker.
[Aaron] It's an Iron Man figure.
[Jennifer] The irony of his name. My son's been heartbroken over losing this particular Iron Man. And so I was showing him how to sift through the Lego bricks. And I even said that word, "I'm helping you sift." And he looks up at me and he goes, "What's that?" So I showed him that I would take a big handful of Legos and shake them through my hands, and did this one at a time going through these boxes. And so I was just thinking about this last year and thinking about this situation that I had with my son, and I feel like this last year was the kind of year that makes you sift through your soul. It makes you sift through your marriage. It makes you sift through every inch of your life, but in a really good way.
[Aaron] I would even adjust that to say, God has been sifting us. Like through his hands.
Through his hands.
Oh, that's really good. Yeah, we got to do that. And I think sometimes we even got down to the gritty bottom and looked down and said, "What's that? What's that doing there?" And then we got to encourage each other, you know, back up from that place. And so I don't know why that illustration just really stood out to me. But I also wanna just take a minute, Aaron, and just say that you were an anchor for me this last year, someone who grounded me when my mind kind of spun out of control, just with everything that we endured personally, but also on a grand scale of like the chaos in the world and the confusion, you know, in the places that we live.
[Aaron] And becoming a mother of five.
All of it.
There were legit things.
[Jennifer] There was so much. There was so much. But you were so compassionate with me, patient with me, slow with me. You were my reason when things didn't make sense, and iron when God needed to sharpen me. And this year just showed me how much God has used you in my life, in my everyday life, in that refining process that I take for granted. Like, 'cause I know it's been happening over the 14 years. I know it's been happening every day since we've been married. But I think along the way, I just kind of like, I became used to it. But this last year I undersaw the value, the importance of it.
God turned up the heat. To get all that dross, bring it to the top.
[Jennifer] Yeah. So thank you.
[Aaron] Well, thank you, that was encouraging. Well, speaking of that year and how God might've been sifting us and just some things that we experienced in winter, let's just give a quick rundown of some of the things that happened in 2020 for us. One pretty big thing I think is, you know, for those that don't know, we are part of a small home church, and they appointed me an elder in 2020, which is pretty cool. And if you're hearing that word for the first time, I'm just using the word the way that the Bible uses it. I teach and I try and make sure that false doctrine is not in the church and I try and abide by the standards that the Bible gives for an elder. But that was a cool thing. So I've been growing and learning a lot in my gifts of teaching.
[Jennifer] Which you really are gifted in that.
Thank you.
Just being able to explain God's word, you know, and teach it. It's just really beautiful.
[Aaron] Well, and this has been a sifting thing for me to realize the responsibility I have, that I can't just say my opinions and just, you know, "Oh, I'm gonna just say what I think this means." I actually have to study. I actually I have to make sure that I'm teaching, as the word says, "Rightly dividing the word of God." Because it says not many of you should be teachers because you'll be held to a stricter judgment, a stricter accountability. Like there's a level of responsibility there. Which is neat, difficult, encouraging. But I've been doing that for the last year now. And so that's been something that's been, you know, an element to 2020 of, with everything going on of, you know, how do I walk and lead in a church?
[Jennifer] Yeah, and I would say this, having that responsibility, which you were already walking in that responsibility, but seeing you really flourish in that place grew your love for people. I mean, you always loved them, but had so much more care and concern and stepping into those relationships, and, you know.
[Aaron] Well, and I would use that word love. That that is absolutely something that God's teaching me. Which is funny, 'cause like we're Christians, we should love, that's like our word, realizing how not good at loving I am. And so growing in that. And again, God's showing me, like, "Hey, no, I want you to love my way." Like, "This is what love looks like." And I'm like, "Okay." So I'm growing in that. He's pointing out all those rough edges on me.
[Jennifer] So after that we had Edith, which we-
Numero, what, cinco?
Five. Yeah, we had her right in the beginning of, you know, all the COVID stuff changing.
All the COVID stuff.
[Jennifer] But we launched season four with her birth story. So if you guys haven't had time to go hear that and you want to, that's available. But we dive into that story a little bit more, which is a really cool story, actually.
[Aaron] It was our first home birth.
[Jennifer] Our first home birth. Yeah.
[Aaron] We've had the first four in hospitals.
The first four at hospitals. And it was beautiful and it was perfect. And God just, he just really gifted us with baby Edith.
[Aaron] I'm sold on home births. That was like a cool thing. I know not everyone can do it, but that was awesome.
[Jennifer] It was amazing. She's been an incredible joy to our family and our children. They'll walk by her and just go, "I love her so much." And it's just been an incredible distraction from what's going on in the world. I was just thinking like, having a baby during this time-
[Aaron] She has no idea what's going on. She's just always smiling.
The innocence, shes blessed. Her name actually means blessed, which is cool. But for me, it was like looking at the world and everything that was going on gives you that zoom out perspective of like, you know, just you're looking at everything all at once. But then when you have a baby in the midst of it, it zooms you so far in to something as simple as the smile on her face.
[Aaron] Yeah, and the thing that she's trying to grab on the carpet. Yeah, or like cheering her on and she's trying to stand up. It's like nothing else in the world matters. So for me, that was a huge, just tender spot in my heart that I just praise God for it.
[Aaron] And the lesson from this is have children to distract yourself from. Honestly, there's not enough time to think about all of that other stuff because we're trying to raise our kids.
[Jennifer] Okay. Our house has been a lot of fun. It's been super busy, just, our time is consumed. But, yeah, having five kids is a lot, and we're learning.
[Aaron] Also just overall, and I'm sure everyone's gonna have levels of this, this year has been refining for us. God, using the downtime, using the hiatus, using all of the things to draw things out of us and put more of himself into us. And that's been really awesome. Like me realizing how fickle my self-routine is. We've done episodes on talking about just consistency and routine, which is really powerful and really good. But the moment little things messed up my routine, it all went out the window.
[Jennifer] Well, and how much your routine's actually impacted the rest of our daily life.
Oh, gosh, yeah.
[Jennifer] And all of that. I think everybody's probably looking back at 2020 going, "What happened to all of routines?"
[Aaron] Yeah, no one's talking about New Year's resolutions from 2020. Those were like long gone.
[Jennifer] Yeah. That's okay. We've got another chance. We've got another year coming.
[Aaron] Yeah, and you know, what's good about it is it's just showing where, like, is it the strength in me or is in God and like learning discipline on another level.
[Jennifer] Also learning How to be flexible when things are interrupted.
[Aaron] Which is super frustrating, but it's like, "Hey, are we allowed to be interrupted?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, are you still gonna work in the spirit?
What?
Yeah, I know. Some other things that-
Speaking of spirit.
[Jennifer] I know, I know. Some other things that we felt refined in this last year is just, well, for me particularly, but feeling selfish in my relationships and in my friendships, in my view of people and the way that I interact with them. And just had a handful of moments that God opened my eyes and said, "Jen, you need to repent."
Be more selfless.
[Jennifer] You know, "You need to change in this area, because these people love you. And I want you to love them more and love them like I love them."
[Aaron] You have a word here on the notes, inconvenienced. That's something that God pointed out to you a lot this year was when you're inconvenienced is when these things, that's one of the triggers of when certain ways of being shows up in God's... That's just why you brought up the whole, are we allowed to be inconvenienced? Because when you walk in love, when you walk in the spirit, those inconveniences will be opportunities to love.
[Jennifer] 'Cause with your words, I might say, "Yeah, I wanna serve them during this time right now."
As long as it's done this way.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and then for whatever reason, the circumstances are hard or like inconveniencing. And then I go, "Okay, well, how else can I fit this in? Because this is," you know, I'm thinking about myself, which goes into the next one I was gonna say is idolatry and putting yourself up on that pedestal and saying, "I'm more important," or, "I have all these things that I'm worrying about. So I can't possibly worry about someone else."
[Aaron] Or, "I deserve this."
[Jennifer] Yeah. So, what else?
[Aaron] That's a big word, but that's something that God has been showing you in your life. And so the selfishness infringed on things for both of us, like we're both have been confronted this year on certain ways that we are. Not in every circumstance, but like, God, definitely, God's not interested in a little bit of this stuff in us. Like, he's not like, "Oh, that's just so-and-so. that's how they are." No, he's like, God wants holiness. He's refining us. And so he's been sharpening us, pulling some things out, pruning and disciplining. And we're like, "Oh, okay." Showing stuff to us that we haven't seen before, highlighting those things in us. Another thing that God's been showing us this year is helping us realize our insufficiencies as parents.
[Jennifer] Uh-huh, having really rely on him.
[Aaron] Yeah, and just running to prayer, you know, weeping over our of thinking and just saying, "God, change us, transform us. Help us to walk in love, to walk in patience.
[Jennifer] Patience was a big one this year for us, especially with parenting. And I feel like we both came to the conclusion, there was this moment where we looked at each other and we're like, "Wait, we have five kids under eight. This is hard." You know what I mean?
[Aaron] I think we all do this to some level of like, "No, they're ours. We got it, we can do this." And we kind of just neglect the realization that it actually is a difficult thing. It's actually hard.
Yeah, like we are in the trenches with parenting.
[Aaron] We have five children under eight.
Learning and figuring it out.
Or eight and younger. So that was actually helpful to realize like, "Oh, it's okay that it's hard. And it's okay to recognize that it's hard. We should be more patient."
[Jennifer] Yeah, and walking in grace for ourselves with that learning curve, and walking in grace with each other and for our marriage.
And with our kids.
[Jennifer] Walking in grace with others and just, gosh, yeah there was so much that God did that was good. And it reminds me of that song "Miracle Worker," which everybody loves.
[Aaron] "Way Maker"?
[Jennifer] Yeah. What did I say?
[Aaron] Well, it's "Way Maker" or "Miracle."
[Jennifer] Yeah. Olive always calls it that. Anyways, even when we don't see it, he's working.
[Aaron] Yeah, he has. And though some of these seasons in the last year were very difficult, just spiritually, emotionally, and physically, I want God to keep doing it. I'm loving the fruit that I'm seeing. Like, God is actually changing us. He's growing us. He's making us more like his son. And that's what I want. God's growing me and changing me. And I wanna receive what he has for me.
[Jennifer] Oh, receive, that was another thing that this year really impacted me was receiving from the Lord and accepting from him everything and anything that came our way. You know, I don't know why that was hard for me to realize in the past, but when easy things come and it changes you, like an encouragement, you're like.
Yeah, I'll receive that. "Oh, yeah, I can receive that. And I'll change."
[Aaron] And a blessing? I'll receive that, yeah.
[Jennifer] Yeah, you move forward. But I didn't realize how much resistance was in my heart when it came to hard circumstances, hard situations, being confronted, even you coming to me saying, "Hey, I see this happening, and you need to stop." It's like, "Ouch." But receiving that from the Lord and going "Okay." Or things we don't understand, "Okay, Lord."
[Aaron] Well, I remember there was a moment you actually verbalize it. You said, "Okay, I'm gonna receive it." I'm like, "What?" And you're like, "Just the things."
All of it.
"I'm gonna receive these things that I don't want. I'm gonna receive them, and I'm gonna say, 'Okay, thank you, Lord.'"
[Jennifer] But there was like instant peace. And then my heart was just okay. And it was like, "Oh, okay, God, I can trust you." So that was just a handful of things that we wanted to share with you guys briefly.
[Aaron] Just a note on that, it makes me think of Job, when he said, "Shall we not receive the good things from the Lord," or "Shall we receive the good things from the Lord, but not the bad?" Meaning like both things come in life. Like the Bible says that rain, God sends the rain on the good and the bad, the wicked and the righteous. So bad things are going to come into our lives, hard things are gonna come into our lives, and God will bring some of those things in our lives. And so are we gonna be like, "No, I reject that. And I'm only gonna receive all this good stuff over here"? No, we receive both, because God's good, and he has a reason why he's bringing certain things in our lives, good or bad.
[Jennifer] So, yeah, that's really good. Thank you for sharing that. What are some other things that happened last year that we can kind of celebrate?
[Aaron] Something that it didn't necessarily start last year, it started, I believe the year before, but we have five books in Hobby Lobby.
[Jennifer] Oh, that was such a blessing.
[Aaron] And that's been a blessing to us.
[Jennifer] It's been so awesome.
[Aaron] Not just in our lives personally, but the fact that it's like, people can go, it's the cheapest place you can get our books. They have them like 40% off.
[Jennifer] And we just had a friend send us a picture, and all five are in one row right there at the checkout kiosk. But how cool that we've got a row in Hobby Lobby. I just think that's so great.
It's pretty awesome. So thank you, Hobby Lobby, if you're listening.
[Jennifer] Oh, and we didn't really share too much about this, but for our listeners, if you are at Hobby Lobby or online, wherever, you might notice that "Marriage After God"-
The book.
The book had a revamp of cover, the inside's still the same. But do you wanna talk about the cover?
[Aaron] Yeah, the content is exactly the same. But what they did is, Zondervan took it from a hard cover and made it a soft cover and changed the image on the cover. It's cheaper.
Which is good.
[Aaron] And it's really pretty. And it's got this nice matte cover, and it's really awesome. And that's also at Hobby Lobby or Amazon or iTunes, wherever you wanna get it.
[Jennifer] Just Wanted to make that note so it doesn't seem like we have another extra book somewhere.
It's not a new book. It's they totally revamped the whole look and everything.
[Jennifer] Yeah. Very cool.
[Aaron] So another note on that, pretty much the only place to get a hard copy of it, the hard cover, is from our store. So shop.marriageaftergod.com. If you're looking for some of the last copies.
[Jennifer] I was gonna say they're a limited supply.
[Aaron] Yeah, 'cause they're not gonna print the hard covers anymore, they're only gonna be in soft cover. Which they're wonderful. They're beautiful. They're awesome. They're more affordable, which I love. But if you want a limited edition hardcover, they're at shop.marriageaftergod.com It's the only place to get them right now.
[Jennifer] Cool. Speaking of books, we've mentioned this to you guys before, but we've been working on some children's books.
[Aaron] That's a new thing, yeah.
[Jennifer] Well, the part that's new is that we've been working with a local artist for the illustration.
So they're getting illustrated, yep. And thy look really good.
So, that's been going. Super excited about that. So we're hoping that that comes out this next year. Do you wanna talk about social media?
[Both] Yes.
Do we wanna talk about it?
Do we? So do you guys remember when we talked about being on a hiatus from the podcast? Well, we kind of-
[Aaron] To guide us from social media as well.
[Jennifer] Like not intentionally, but I just found myself posting less and less and less and less. And then I started to enjoy it, the fact that I wasn't on it so much. But not really, you guys, just looking at our life, like I'll speak for me personally, and then you can share, Aaron, but being on Instagram and Facebook and all the places, you know, I love it. I love being able to receive your guys' messages and, you know, have that engagement there or comment, being able to share pictures of our family and, you know, encouraging memes or whatever it is. I've always loved that. But after having Edith, there was just less time. And I found it very difficult to be on social media as much.
[Aaron] I don't remember what book it was from, but there was this idea of brain calories. Like, you know how you have food calories, like you eat them and you're like, "Oh, I have 2000 calories. I have that much energy. I can use it to run and do whatever I want." But they gave this idea of brain calories of like, how many calories do you have and what are those gonna be spent on in your mind? So I think that taking the break from posting to social media as much as we used to, man, we used to post a lot.
A lot, yeah.
[Aaron] 'Cause over the years, we've lessened that, but it's been nice to put our brain calories to other things.
[Jennifer] Well, I was gonna say, as my jurisdiction at home grew, my time and my ability to be more connected, I guess I'll say, it just flip-flopped. Which has been happening over the last few years, but yeah, I just wanted to make a note because I have had people ask me like through Instagram, "Hey, have I just been missing your posts or have you not been on?" And so I, again, just wanted to make a note that I've been enjoying the time off. You'll probably see me post from time to time, but it's not gonna be like it was, only because I'm in a season where I'm homeschooling too right now, not including preschool stuff.
You're homeschooling all of them.
Yeah, I'm homeschooling all of them, but to me, the preschool stuff comes way easier. But Elliot's in second, Olive's in kindergarten, and we just have busy days.
[Aaron] Yeah, and another thing, you mentioned that people weren't seeing stuff, we actually started, I don't know if we were shadow banned, like, I don't know if anyone knows these things, but there was a season where people were having a hard time seeing our content. It wasn't showing to anyone. So what's happening is just with the way the algorithms, the way all these big tech giants are going, it has been harder for Christian voices, conservative voices to be seen. And so the amount of energy into those things, we'd rather put it into something like this.
[Jennifer] Yeah, the podcasts.
[Aaron] And our emails that we send. So if you wanna keep up with our content, just like subscribe to our podcast, get on our email list, and you'll get our prayer encouragements daily and you'll get this content weekly. Just one little thing that we're trying, it's an experiment, so I don't know how long we're gonna do it, but we deleted our Facebook and Instagram apps off our phone. We still have our accounts. So we can hop online on our computers in the browser and go check messages.
[Jennifer] It doesn't quite feel the same.
[Aaron] It's not the same.
[Jennifer] I'll say this, the first day that we did this, I kept checking my phone and then I'd find myself going, "What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?" And it actually showed me how often I was picking up my phone and just scrolling or just being a part of that.
[Aaron] Well, the same is happening with me. I'm picking it up and I'm flipping back and forth through my screens.
Looking for something.
I'm like "What am I doing?" So maybe this year 2021, we'll be less addicted to our phones by getting rid of a couple of apps. And if you're listening to this, maybe you can take the challenge with us. We didn't get it from anyone else. I mean, we heard other people doing this, but we just, we're trying it. We're removing those apps, and we'll try and engage through the podcast and through our emails and we'll try and hop onto our social media occasionally when we can. Yeah. It's just something we're doing.
[Jennifer] Okay, so we also want, in this first episode, we just wanted to share our hope and mission for this next year with you guys, with the ministry.
[Aaron] Just with our life.
[Jennifer] Our life, everything that we're doing. So yeah, let's just jump into some of these. First and foremost, we wanna preach the gospel way more. We wanna preach it here, online, wherever we can.
[Aaron] I'd say the last season and the season before that, we started getting more, like teaching the word and preaching the gospel more. And so we just wanna continue that and then grow that, because there's nothing more powerful than the gospel.
[Jennifer] And nothing more important, really.
[Aaron] Yeah, especially, let me just look at the world. We need the gospel.
[Jennifer] Yeah, we've also, in this last year, have been preaching the gospel way more to each other and to ourselves. And I think that's really important. So we're just gonna preach more.
[Aaron] Yeah, and gospel, it means the good news of Jesus Christ. And without Jesus Christ, there is no good news. Think about that. So the gospel, it's what we're gonna, we're gonna be preaching that.
[Jennifer] I love that. We're also gonna be growing in our faith. I mean, this is just the Christian walk, right? But we just wanna be intentional with allowing God to continue to grow us.
Prune us.
Prune us, increase our faith and our knowledge of him.
[Aaron] We also wanna grow in love. I mean, we mentioned this a little bit before, but another thing we wanna continue to grow in is in our parenting, like we're raising five children. We don't wanna just raise them to be functional in society. We wanna raise them to know the Lord, we wanna raise them to love the Lord, and we wanna raise them to be bold, bolder than us, more knowledgeable in the word, but also like lovers, gentle, kind, generous. So we wanna grow in that this year. And I know that sounded like a lot. We have a whole like decade, or several decades where we get to walk with our kids. But that's, we just wanna grow in our parenting.
[Jennifer] I would say this: feel more confident in our parenting, and just like-
[Aaron] That's a good word. Grow in our confidence in parenting.
[Jennifer] Naturally, I just think that there's a lot of insecurities, at least in my heart for parenting. And I just, yeah.
[Aaron] I think that's natural, because-
[Jennifer] We just love our kids so much.
[Aaron] Every phase, we have no idea what the new phases have in store for us.
[Jennifer] Even just with homeschooling, I look at it and I go, you know, I get intimidated a bit, because I don't know third grade, but I'm not there yet. Like he's second grade, second and a half. And so finding those insecurities and then trusting the Lord and letting him build my confidence up so that I can step into that next grade with him. But anyways, off tangent. Another thing we wanna grow in this next year is our love, our love for each other, our love for children, our church, others. When when I was thinking about this, I thought about how life has just changed for a lot of us this last year with like wearing masks and stuff. And the times that we go out in public, out into the stores, I was realizing that I'm not making as much eye contact, almost like just shuffling through. And I see the edge of my mask, and it's like it's hard for me to get past, but I think this next year, in order to show love to others we'll have to utilize our eyes a lot more and be more intentional to make those conversations happen. And I think people's hearts are yearning for that connection. They might not know it, but I think they're yearning for it.
[Aaron] We have a desire to see a revival in hearts, in the hearts of husbands and wives.
[Jennifer] Amen.
[Aaron] Like, not just revival in their marriages, but like revival in their relationship with God. But like we always say, our heart for "Marriage After God," the whole theme behind "Marriage After God," the idea, the intention is not just healthy marriages for the sake of good marriages. God's got gifts that he's given to each one of us as his children, and a healthy marriage is a powerful marriage for God. When you're walking with God, when you're walking in unity, you can be used, and God wants to use us. He doesn't need to use us. He wants to use us in his kingdom. That's why he has distributed, through his spirit, gifts to all of us. And so we want a revival in the hearts of husbands and wives, because we'll see children be discipled, we'll see neighbors be preached to, we'll see churches thrive. These are things that come when husbands and wives have their hearts yielded to the father.
[Jennifer] Yeah, you said the word unity. And I don't know why my mind automatically went to the word division. And I think we all got a healthy dose, whether through social media.
What are you talking about?
Or the news or whatever last year.
We're so unified in this country.
[Jennifer] All of that stuff does affect us. Like normal things are hard to navigate, normal relationship stuff, normal marriage stuff, normal whether it's finances or parenting or jobs.
All of it.
[Jennifer] You know, seeking out jobs or whatever, things used to be-
[Aaron] Normal difficult.
[Jennifer] Normal difficult in our lives. And now we have a lot more layers to it all. And so I just wanna encourage you guys, those listening right now, we have to be what is unified in our marriages. Like, we have to be the ones initiating love, encouraging each other.
[Aaron] Being on the same team.
[Jennifer] Being on the same team, being words of affirmation and encouragement, like, that is so vital to our relationships and our marriages.
[Aaron] And it's gonna be even more visible now than ever when we do it. So, just as we come to a close, what can our listeners expect over the next two to three seasons?
[Jennifer] Yeah, well, this next year, that is our aim, to do season five and six, possibly seven. And we'll have a handful of episodes per season. Some of this season's topics, you wanna go through some of those?
[Aaron] Yeah, we're gonna talk about sin. Yeah, that's a good one.
Nobody wants to talk about that, Aaron.
[Aaron] No, just God confronting us with things. We mentioned a few of them. We're gonna try and talk about some of those things.
[Jennifer] We're gonna kind of look at the purification process, the sanctification process.
[Aaron] Yeah, that gold refinement. What is the dross?
[Jennifer] It's gonna be good. Which, we're also gonna be talking about walking in the flesh versus walking in-
Versus the spirit. Yeah, we have a note on this topic. There was this, when we were discussing this, we'll get into it in the episode, but there was this image I got of standing in a river, and the river is flowing pretty hard, and you will go with the river and it's easy. You go against the river, and it's dangerous. And this idea of like, when you're walking in the spirit, the Bible says, walk in the spirit and keep, "If you're gonna walk in the spirit, also keep in step with the spirit.
Keep in step, yeah.
[Aaron] So it's this idea of, you're not guiding the spirit, you're following the spirit. And so that's gonna be one thing. We're gonna talk about, we're gonna do an episode probably on sabbath, and this comes with a lot of connotations.
[Jennifer] Yeah. The word rest just rings a bell for me. And I think that learning how to just accept slowness.
[Aaron] We came up with this topic just of probably how not restful 2020 has felt.
[Jennifer] And yet at the same time, we found ourselves in lots of moments of rest at home.
Of rest, yeah. Because we have a Sabbath and his name is Jesus.
[Jennifer] Yeah, we have another episode talking about are you really loving? And Aaron actually has a really cool-
[Aaron] Thing that I wanna talk about with that. It's gonna be a decision matrix, I think that's what they call them, to find out if we're actually loving or not.
That'll be good.
So that'll be fun.
[Jennifer] We're also gonna be talking about dealing with stressors and recognizing when things are hard, but also giving yourself grace. We've kind of touched on that. These are obviously all coming from what Aaron and I have been experiencing.
[Aaron] And some of these might change too, but this is our preliminary list that we came up with of things that we thought we should talk about.
[Jennifer] How to comfort each other during hard situations. One of my favorite ones that we're gonna focus on is end time prophecy and how to keep alert, how to how to keep watch, because the Bible tells us to.
[Aaron] Yeah, one thing that, if you didn't know it about my wife, is she loves all things Israel and she loves all things prophecy. She just loves learning about prophecy. I wouldn't say she's, we're not prophecy scholars, but we just love that.
Nope.
[Aaron] I mean, we should, as Christians, we should love prophecy. I mean, Jesus fulfilled hundreds of prophecies in his own life because he was the Messiah. And then there's prophecies that aren't even fulfilled yet that we're watching happen before our eyes. It's so amazing.
[Jennifer] So we'll talk about that a little bit, and the power of lies, and the the mental game that goes on with what we hear and where it comes from and how we can combat it.
[Aaron] Yeah, a note on this is, like, are they our thoughts, or is it just something we're hearing? 'Cause sometimes we can be like, "Man, I have these thoughts." And so we're gonna talk about that.
[Jennifer] Dig into that a bit. And then we're gonna end with Jesus is the Passover. And that aligns with Passover, which I think is cool. So we'll get to share a whole episode on that.
Speaking of Israel.
I know.
[Aaron] Yeah, we hope you're excited. And we're gonna try and be, you know, just on here regularly, you know, weekly. Oh, so we talked about one of the new things that we're adding to the episodes. So, as usual, we will and in prayer, as we always do. But before that, let me share this new thing for this season, yeah.
I had an idea. I had an idea, I told Aaron, you know, a big way to combat complaint or grumbling is thankfulness and being grateful, being grateful-
It is the way.
[Jennifer] It is the way. Being grateful for the things that we do have or have experienced, or just, it's that recognition of God, what God is doing in your life. And so I told him, I said, "If we're gonna start the podcast back up, we are absolutely adding this piece to the puzzle." And that's just, at the end of every episode, we are going to say something that we're grateful for. And our hope is that this spreads joy and thankfulness and inspires you guys to do the same.
[Aaron] You know, the challenge would be that, when the episode is over, you consider what you're grateful for.
[Jennifer] And then share it with someone.
And then share it, yeah.
Share with the Lord, share it with your spouse, share it with a stranger share it with whoever you want. But getting that out of our hearts and into praise, I think is so important.
[Aaron] So we're gonna spend the first tithe of the year in Thanksgiving, like being grateful for God's goodness, for anything that God's blessed us with. You know, there's a verse that says this, this is actually God's will for us, being thankful. In First Thessalonians 5:18, it says, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." It's actually his will for us. Have you ever saying like, "What's God's will for my life?"
[Jennifer] You're doing it by listening to our podcast.
[Aaron] To be thankful.
[Jennifer] Being thankful.
[Aaron] Yeah, and listening to our podcast. That's God's will.
[Jennifer] No, he's just kidding.
[Aaron] We're not gonna step outside scripture. No, his will is that you're thankful, right? So if you're ever wondering, "What's God's will for my life?" Thankfulness. And to be honest, the mere fact that sinners like us are saved by grace through faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone-
Gospel.
Right. It is incredible, miraculous, and worthy of all thanks.
[Jennifer] Our perspective matters, it really does. All right, Aaron, why don't you kick us off with what you're grateful for.
[Aaron] I am grateful for a new year to pursue God and grow in my knowledge of him, because of what I just said about him.
[Jennifer] Awesome, mine's a little bit longer, if that's okay.
[Aaron] You didn't give it a length. It can be as long as you want.
I know, I know. As long or short as you want. I am grateful for the downtime we had this last year, just between having Edith and postpartum and everything else that went on. I'm just really grateful for my family and being able to spend that time with you guys. It was a lot slower than what we are used to, but I really enjoyed it.
[Aaron] Yeah. And God is good.
[Jennifer] God is so good. All right, so now you guys get to consider what you're grateful for. And be sure to share it with the Lord and with your spouse and with your friends and anyone else you can think of. And encourage them to spread the message of gratefulness.
[Aaron] And a PS gratefulness, we are grateful for you.
[Jennifer] So grateful, and it feels so good to be back. This was our kickoff episode, and we just wanted to recap, you know, what kind of took place and moving into the new year. Our encouragement was that beginning portion of that. We have hope as believers, we have hope in Jesus Christ, and we're gonna carry that hope into this next year, whatever it has for us. And we're really excited about the season and the episodes that we just shared and what's to come.
[Aaron] So we're gonna end in prayer, as we usually do. Dear Lord, thank you for this last year. Although it was difficult and different, in many ways, we know you were working. We trust you, and we hope for all that is to come, all that your word says will come. We are excited for this new year and the many opportunities we'll have by your grace to share your gospel with others. We pray for boldness and great faith. We pray for the right words when the time is right. We pray for the receptive hearts, and we pray for revival. May you draw hearts closer to yourself. We pray marriages would be stronger this year. We pray our eyes and our hearts would be focused on you, what you are doing and how we can participate. We pray for truth to prevail. We pray gratefulness will overwhelm our hearts and our minds. May your peace guard us, and may your Holy Spirit lead us into this next year. In Jesus's name, amen. And we love you all. And thank you for joining us for the beginning of season five. We look forward to many more episodes with you. And I didn't note this earlier, but because we're not doing social media as much, what we wanted to encourage our listeners is that you would be the one that spreads the word about the podcast. And so if you were blessed by this, and if you want to, would you just share this, somehow, some way, either on one of your social media networks-
[Jennifer] Or just word of mouth.
[Aaron] Tell someone about it, send it in an email, text it to someone. I think it'd be awesome if this podcast grew this year purely by our listeners. And so if that's something you wanna do, we'd love to invite you to do that.
[Jennifer] Also, don't forget to get your free thing that we have for you guys, and that's just the 31 prayer challenge. You can go to marriageprayerchallenge.com to sign up and get started on that.
[Aaron] We love you all, and we'll see you next week. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 12 Sep 2024 | Wildfire at Our Doorstep - Please Pray! | 00:26:59 | |
In this unique episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron and Jennifer Smith share a deeply personal experience as they face the threat of wildfire near their home in central Oregon. They discuss:
This episode offers a raw, real-time look at how a Christian family navigates a potential natural disaster. Aaron and Jennifer share insights on:
Connect with Us: Follow us on Instagram: Marriage After God - https://www.instagram.com/marriageaftergod Unveiled Wife - https://www.instagram.com/unveiledwife Husband Revolution - https://www.instagram.com/husbandrevolution Ways to Support This Podcast: Visit our shop: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/ Become a patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Wildfire, emergency preparedness, evacuation, natural disaster, faith under pressure, family crisis, trusting God, prayer, community support, Central Oregon, fire season, parenting during crisis, emergency planning, material possessions, spiritual perspective, fire safety, evacuation levels, pregnancy complications, children's emotions, insurance coverage, important documents, emergency supplies, living trust, family communication, Christian response to disaster, weather patterns, rain prayers, emergency resources, pet safety, family unity, anxiety management Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 23 Mar 2020 | How To Communicate Better In Marriage - Biblical Answers To Your Questions | 00:53:42 | |
This Q and A topic is all about communication in marriage. Which we mention often in almost every episode because it is such a vital component of marriage. You have to talk to each other! We answer several questions that were submitted by our listeners. Please enjoy.
Read Transcript [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God.
[Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
[Aaron] And today we're gonna answer your questions about communication in marriage. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
[Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife.
[Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution.
[Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade.
[Aaron] And so far we have four young children.
[Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
[Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
[Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life.
[Aaron] Love.
[Jennifer] And power.
[Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.
[Jennifer] Together.
[Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
[Jennifer] This is Marriage After God.
[Aaron] Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Marriage After God. It's actually the last episode of season three. So if you've been following along, we're gonna be taking a break, we're about to have a baby. If you've been listening to the last few episodes, you know that. And so, we're gonna have a little break. And then we're gonna come back in another season, in season four. We don't have a date for that yet, which is fine.
[Jennifer] We'll let you guys know on social media.
[Aaron] Yeah. And then, we'll do some new episodes. And so, just as a side note, if you have topic ideas for the new season, go ahead and shoot those in a message to us on Instagram at @marriageaftergod. But, today we're gonna be answering some questions from the audience, but before we get to the questions we like to talk about some things in life, but really, this first thing I wanna talk about is, I wanna encourage everyone listening today, because I know that there's a lot of fears, there's a lot of anxiety going around with the coronavirus, with things that are happening in the world, and I think some of them are legitimate things to be thinking about and considering. We wanna be wise people, that's what the Bible talks about. We don't wanna just pretend that none of this stuff's gonna affect us. But, my encouragement is to remind everyone listening that our trust is not in this world. Our trust is not in the vaccine that they might come out with. Our trust is not in the government. Our trust is not in the healthcare system. Our trust is not even our bodies.
[Jennifer] Or money.
[Aaron] Or money. The Bible is very clear where are trust lies, and that when we trust in anything other than God, other than His son Jesus, that trust is faulty, that hope is false, and we're actually insecure in those hopes. So I just wanted to point our hearts and our minds back to the Giver of Life. To the One that we look forward to, the One where our hope should lie, which is in Jesus Christ. Guys, one day we're gonna be with Him forever, and we're gonna have new bodies, we're gonna be healthy, He's gonna make the world right. All these things that are in the world, the destruction, the death, the injustices, the sickness, the pestilence, all those things are going to be made right. And so, once this thing passes, and whatever the damage is going to be, we don't know. But there's always gonna be something else. That's why our eyes need to be on Christ. And so I just hope that if you're having anxieties about this, the Bible tells us how to deal with our anxieties, it's to lift up our request to the Lord with thanksgiving, and to pray to Him. And He says He'll give us a peace that surpasses all understanding. And what I love about that is that our peace in God is completely standalone from everything in our life. That it doesn't matter what's going on in the world, it doesn't matter what's going on in our life, it doesn't matter about our circumstances. You could be like Paul, in prison and be praising God. You can be like Peter in prison, writing letters to the church. You could be in the midst of whatever it is that this world and that the enemy, or whatever it is, wants to throw at you, and you can have complete and perfect peace in Jesus. And so, I just wanted to quickly encourage everyone with that.
[Jennifer] No, it was really good. I think that there is just a lot of attention specifically on the coronavirus. What I would say is, it is important to pay attention to what's going on in the world, current events and things like that, but--
[Aaron] Wisdom is good.
[Jennifer] When we get those thoughts of fear, or anxiety, or frustration even, we need to remember that even in those times we need to submit those feelings to the Lord, and ask Him to guide us, to lead us, to give us wisdom on how to approach the situation and deal with it. And then remember that our bodies are gonna fail us. Our bodies are gonna get sick. There's gonna be, if it's not this thing, it's another thing, and so we just need to be able to trust the Lord that He knows what's gonna happen to us. He knows everything.
[Aaron] He's knows all, He's omniscient.
[Jennifer] So we can trust that.
[Aaron] We can totally trust Him. And again, this isn't to say do not be wise, like we be wise, if we can make that take measures we do, but we have to remember that we could take every perfect measure, we could take every precaution, we can totally stock up what on whatever, just imagine it, whatever you think you could do to prepare, and your trust in that would still be faulty. Because none of that is actually secure. So, our trust is only good when it's in Christ. So, be prepared to the level that you can, and let the Lord have your fears and rest in Him. That's our encouragement.
[Jennifer] Another thing that we wanted to share with you guys is just how incredibly blessed we feel for our relationship with Hobby Lobby. And, I don't know if you guys all know but they carry our books.
[Aaron] Which was a total God thing, because there was no way that we were connected with them. I wasn't reaching out.
We didn't reach out to them. They actually reached out to us and asked if they could carry our books, and I think it's so awesome. It's one of the cheapest places you can get our books.
[Aaron] The cheapest place.
[Jennifer] And, who doesn't love Hobby Lobby? I mean, just to be able to go there and peruse, and look at everything.
[Aaron] People who've never been to one.
[Jennifer] Well, if you haven't been to one, you should go check one out. I'm sure there's one near you.
If you're near one, yeah.
[Jennifer] But I just wanted to first give a shout out to Hobby Lobby and say thank you. Thank you for being someone who advocates for books like ours, and resources that point people back to God. And I also just wanna thank everyone who has been picking them up and buying them from Hobby Lobby, 'cause that keeps our relationship with them good.
[Aaron] That reminds me, I love when people go into Hobby Lobby and they take a picture. And they #hobbylobbyfinds. So if you ever do that, we love to re-share those. So if you are in a Hobby Lobby and you pick up a copy of our books, please take a picture of it, and we'll probably re-share it on our Instagram.
[Jennifer] Just make sure you tag us @marriageaftergod so that we see it.
[Aaron] Exactly, 'cause if you don't tag us, we don't know. But yeah, so that's just a couple of things, just encouragement on the chaos in the world that had our peace. And then just, we're incredibly blessed and honored by Hobby Lobby and their partnership with us. That, to be honest, I don't think we deserve. I don't think we've, it's a God thing, that He set this up and we just wanna give Him the glory for that.
[Jennifer] And if you're like me and you have been wanting to order our books, and you want it today, you can go pick one up today. You don't have to order it online and then wait for it.
They have them in stock. And they're in every Hobby Lobby, which is amazing. So, it doesn't matter which one, unless they're out of stock. But they carry them everywhere.
[Jennifer] Once I know what I want, it's so hard to wait when I do online shopping and stuff. I just wanna go get everything.
[Aaron] But now Amazon has one day shipping, which is crazy.
[Jennifer] I don't know how they do it.
[Aaron] I don't either. But it gets here. Okay, so, one last thing, we have a another prayer challenge. I don't know if you've taken the marriage prayer challenge yet. Over 50,000 people have taken the marriage prayer challenge, which is incredible. So, we have this new challenge called the parenting prayer challenge, and it's a prayer challenge for you to pray for your son or your daughter, or both.
Or all of them.
Or all of them.
Depending on how many kids you have.
Yeah, all your kids. And it's completely free. Just got to parentingprayerchallenge.com and fill out the form and choose who you wanna pray for, and we'll start sending emails every day.
[Jennifer] You guys might be wondering how it's set up because, obviously, they're not individualized prayers for you and your child, but they're prompts. So, it'll suggest pray for this specific thing, and then, as you're praying, you're making it personal because you know your family best.
[Aaron] And it's a scheduled daily reminder. So you get this email, it says hey, you're gonna pray for your son right now, and here's what you should pray for. And it's not to replace your prayer life, it's to encourage it, inspire it, and give you a new outlook on your prayer life, and maybe expand upon it. One more time, it's parentingprayerchallenge.com to go sign up for the parenting prayer challenge.
[Jennifer] All right so, this last episode of the season is a Q&A. We polled the community, the Marriage After God community, and Unveiled Wife and Husband Revolution, and we asked you guys to submit your questions, specifically about communication in marriage. And so, first of all, we just wanna thank everyone who sent us your questions. It's been cool to be able to poll the questions from the audience from Instagram, from you guys, and to answer them here. It makes me feel more connected and I love it.
[Aaron] They often ask things that I'm not even thinking about. I'm like oh, that's a good question. So, it's really fun that we ask you guys. It also makes us feel like we're connected with you on another level. So, if you follow us on Instagram, that's usually where we poll our audience. You could follow @marriageaftergod, or @unveiledwife, or @husbandrevolution. We're gonna be doing Q&A's often, so if you see us pop a question and ask you to give us your questions, just submit them there, and we store them and we pick from them, and we try and answer them on here.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and just let you guys know because of timing, we don't always get through every question, and so if you're listening and you're like, "I know I submitted a question "for communication in marriage," and we didn't answer it, please reach back out to us and just let us know, and maybe we can just answer it on Instagram for you.
[Aaron] Or on the next time.
[Jennifer] Or on the next Q&A.
[Aaron] Cool. So, before we jump into the questions, why don't we just talk about some of the scriptures that, when I think about communication, these scriptures aren't just, they're not necessarily communication between a spouse. But it's--
[Jennifer] With each other.
[Aaron] Yeah, it's with [Both] people. With one anothers in the church.
[Jennifer] Very applicable to marriage.
[Aaron] So I'm just gonna read through a handful of scriptures.
[Jennifer] I'll read the first one 'cause it's shorter. You read the second one.
[Aaron] All right.
[Jennifer] Psalm 141:3 says, "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; "keep watch over the door of my lips."
[Aaron] Yeah, and I pulled some of these scriptures to just show what a biblical perspective over our mouth is. And the things that we say. In Matthew 12:33 Jesus is talking to the Pharisees, and He says this, "Either make a tree good and its fruit good, "or make a tree bad and its fruit bad. For the tree is known by its fruit."
[Jennifer] Like we know a peach tree is a peach tree because it has peaches.
[Aaron] Or it's one of those fruit salad trees.
[Jennifer] Well, that would be confusing.
[Aaron] Which totally ruins the analogy. But anyways, "You brood of Vipers, "how can you speak good when you are evil? "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. "The good person out of his good treasure "brings forth good, and the evil person of the evil treasure "brings forth evil. "I tell you, on the day of judgment, "people will give account "for every careless word they speak. "For by your words you will be justified, "and by your words you will be condemned."
[Jennifer] So what you're saying is words are powerful?
[Aaron] They matter, yeah. We need to know that, we can't, like this specifically, and we just talked about this, actually, the other day, we say something and then we say I'm just venting, or I'm just kidding. But in reality if, it's coming from somewhere, those words that we just conjured up out of our mouth. They came from somewhere, and so we need to be careful and aware, like wait, so I said this thing and I wanted to make it sound like it wasn't that bog of a deal, but why did I say that? Why did I say that about so and so?
[Jennifer] If someone has self control of their tongue, and they think, they're about to say something, but they decide not to, which is good, I would say they still need to evaluate their heart and question why was that even on the tip of my tongue?
[Aaron] Why did it come out so quickly? And often, I would imagine this is about people in our life, and then if we say something so quickly, even if it's to someone in confidence, and we think, wait, am I actually angry at this person, or am I actually annoyed by this person, or bothered, or judgmental or whatever? And we have to think about that 'cause sometimes that comes out of our mouth and it's not from a pure heart.
[Jennifer] And I'll say this, words cut deep, and when, especially in marriage, you see that person, you just see their face and you're reminded of what they've said, either recently or years ago. And you can hear them saying it in your mind, over and over again. And so, I think we just need to be reminded that we have a huge responsibility with our words.
[Aaron] The next verse is from James, but there's another verse in James that we didn't write down here, that talks about having control of your tongue, and how the tongue is a, it's a small member of a body, but it's actually like a flame that can start a fire. And you're in the members of your body. It's also talked about as a rudder, something that, you have a large ship that is controlled by such a little thing. The things we say actually matter to a point of it directing our lives. But it starts off with saying, if someone has complete control over their tongue, they're a perfect man. So, we all know that we don't have complete control over our tongue 'cause we're not Jesus. Jesus was perfect. And everything He said was controlled.
[Jennifer] So, when we're not perfect, and we're not controlled, what's our response should be?
[Aaron] Repentance. At least recognizing it and saying, whoa, what I said was off.
[Jennifer] Apology, reconciliation.
[Aaron] I know I can't put those words back. It's like toothpaste, it comes out, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So James 1:19-20 says, "Know this my beloved brothers, "let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, "slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce "the righteousness of God." So this is more a practical tip of, hey, to save yourself from saying something you don't mean,
[Jennifer] Be slow.
[Aaron] Be slower to say it, probably stop yourself.
[Jennifer] I just wanna say, it also says be quick to hear. And I think, sometimes we wanna justify the things that we say.
[Aaron] What?
[Jennifer] We're not actually listening to how our words are affecting the other person, and so I think, I know you said this is practical, a really practical tip is just questioning, evaluating, making sure that you're being a good listener in your marriage.
[Aaron] Listening to yourself, and listening to the person talking to you.
[Jennifer] And to the Holy Spirit.
[Aaron] Yeah, and to the Holy Spirit.
[Jennifer] Okay, next one Proverbs 12:18, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, "but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
[Aaron] Again, showing the power of our words towards others.
[Jennifer] Such vivid imagery there.
[Aaron] Here's one, Proverbs 18:2, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, "but only expresses his own opinion." So, we have to be careful about this, this is something I've struggled with in the past, my foolishness of just only interested in sharing my opinion. Like, oh, well let me tell you what I think, let me tell you what I think, rather than listening, rather than being thoughtful, rather than actually considering the other person. I've dealt with that for sure.
[Jennifer] Another one is Proverbs 18:13, "If one gives an answer before He hears," again, going back to be a good listener.
[Aaron] This ever happens to me, I don't do this. I do all the time.
[Jennifer] "If one gives an answer before he hears, "it is his folly and shame."
[Aaron] So, the next one, and the last one, which is by far not the last verse, 'cause there's tons of scripture that talks about how we communicate and the way we communicate. Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life "are in the power of the tongue, "and those who love it will eat its fruits." So, understanding that our tongues are powerful. If we love the power of our tongue, we're going to eat the fruits of it. Meaning, if we want to share our thoughts, and we're totally fine with just speaking things, we need to be able to be aware that those words are ours, and we have to own them.
[Jennifer] All right, so that was just a little foundational prep for communication in marriage, just looking at a biblical way to communicate with your spouse.
[Aaron] And get a perspective on how we use our words.
[Jennifer] 'Cause honestly, no matter what question we answer, that was probably the most important that you hear today.
[Aaron] Yeah, the scripture. Not our words, the Bible's words. Always. So, question one from the community says, how do you two come together and talk about your dreams as a couple and as a family?
[Jennifer] Oh cool, I like that it's as a couple and as a family. Which we do talk about, dreaming together, in "Marriage After God", and I just love that chapter. Just because it's something that Aaron and I have found a lot of joy in.
[Aaron] It's fun.
[Jennifer] It's fun. And what we do is, we look at our life and we say, okay God, what do you wanna do with us? And we get to talk about it.
[Aaron] How would you say, how have we been doing it over the last few years?
[Jennifer] So, our biggest, probably dreaming session, as a couple happens at the end of the year, and we take time to go over what did that last year look like? What's still on our plate? And what things do we wanna try and accomplish in that next year? And it takes a good three hours or more to get through.
[Aaron] But they're fun.
[Jennifer] Just because it's a lot, but it's so fun, and we do it over dinner. And then we have checkups throughout the year, when things change, circumstances change, or goals change, or we accomplish things sooner than later. So, we just check in with each other throughout the year.
[Aaron] Or we're in the middle of a goal, accomplishing a goal, and we evaluate, is this what we really want? Now that we're in the middle of this thing, which we've done.
[Jennifer] I will say this, our dreams don't come from nowhere. Well, for one thing, there's seeds planted by God that we feel really strongly about that God gives us these desires that we have. But we also, what we call the tool belt, our marriage tool belt, we look at what we have, and we go from there.
[Aaron] Yeah, and it's not like, we talk about this in the book a lot more, the practical side of it. We're not just throwing out, and casting a line out as far as possibly, and trying to see what we can grab. We look at what God is doing in our life, what we've already accomplished, in Christ, of course.
[Jennifer] It's like we take that next step.
[Aaron] And we say okay, if we have any money, we say okay, how do You want us to use this money? Our home, our cars, our business? And then we even talk about things that we would love to explore and pursue. And we hold all of it loosely, pretty much usually, right?
[Jennifer] Yeah. 'Cause there's nothing we can guarantee.
[Jennifer] Another fun way to do this is, on those smaller check ins or smaller dreaming sessions, when we like to talk about it, we like to go on a drive, let's say like a 40 minute drive. It's super fun. We're both buckled in. Can't leave the conversation. And we just talk about it there. But, I love doing this and I think that, over the years, Aaron, wouldn't you agree, that it's something that's been cultivated in our marriage because of our intentionality? It's not really something that is just gonna happen on its own, but it's also something that, I don't know, we put the time in to do it.
[Aaron] Well, I'll say this, and this would be my one tip in this section, is yes, it needs to be scheduled. So, you and your spouse need to say, we are going to do this, and we're gonna do it on this date. So it's on the calendar. And then the other part is, setting actual goals, writing them down. So, for us, you may not be us, you're goals are gonna look different. Maybe they'll be the same, but, we'll say we want to have this book self published, or traditionally published next year or this year. Or, usually, the traditionally published is a little bit more out of our control. But, self publishing, we wanna have this book published by this date. And then that one goal gives us a whole list of tasks that need to be accomplished before, for that goal to happen. And so, setting that goal and giving it a realistic time frame, and writing it down on paper, and verbalizing it out loud.
[Jennifer] The success rate is so much higher.
[Aaron] Oh yeah.
[Jennifer] Let's use finances. If we had a goal for finances and we just talked about it--
[Aaron] We wanna save $1000.
[Jennifer] By next week, we would have forgotten what the plan was. So it's like, oh yeah, we talked about that, I think. So, when you go to write something down, I feel like it's super helpful.
[Aaron] The finances is actually a good one. I would imagine almost everyone has some sort of financial goals. Maybe getting out of debt, or saving for a vacation, or pay for college, or who knows what it is? And so, setting the goal, a realistic goal, the thing that you know you can attain, and you can come up with those strategies of, we're going to save $10 a month, or $100 a month, or we're not going to buy this thing every week. When you do that, and you say it out loud, there's now accountability as well. So, something comes up and you could spend the money on it, and you both look at each other and be like, are we willing to cast out that goal we set four months ago? No? Then we have to say no to this. Even though it's difficult. And so now you both are on the same page. And man, that actually feels like victorious. You're like wow, we just said no to something that we really wanted, because there's this better thing down the road that we're saving for. So, I would say set those goals, put them on paper, say them out loud, put them on the refrigerator, put them on a chalkboard, make them visible. And it's true, your success rate exponentially grows.
[Jennifer] Again, I really like the second part of this question 'cause they also wanna know how do you do it as a family? So, you have kids involved. I'd say, as our family, Aaron, you are really good about leading our kids through these things, and prompting their hearts, and preparing their hearts.
[Aaron] Well, thank you.
[Jennifer] And just asking them really good questions. Our children are still pretty young, so we don't download every dream or goal to them. We don't feel the need to explain everything, but as we talk about dreaming together, and as we set goals we do keep the impact it will have on our family in mind.
[Aaron] Well, always, yeah.
[Jennifer] And so, we share it with our kids, and we'll talk about it, and we'll invite them to participate in the ways that they can.
[Aaron] And I would say, because we have this pattern of setting goals and dreaming together, we teach our kids how to do it. So, I'll tell my son, and he's drawing, and he might get to a point of not wanting to complete the thing he's creating. And then I'll tell him, I'll be like, hey, do you wanna be a really good artist one day? And he'll be like, "Yeah." I'll be like well, the way people become really good artists is a lot of practice. I said, so I know that it's difficult to finish this, or you wanna move on to the next thing, and I totally get that because you're excited but, there's a lot of value in you sitting and finishing this and coloring it, and you'll see a completed work. So, that's a little way of teaching my son on how to set a goal.
[Jennifer] And that's really good, what I would call that is casting vision, 'cause you're showing him what the future would look like, but what it requires, and I think the same exact thing is important for marriage that both the husband and wife are reminding each other constantly. Because this whole episode is about communication, our words matter. We need to be encouraging each other. We need to be reminding each other, hey, remember we set this goal, hey, remember, this was our strategy, hey, this is what's gonna happen once we meet it, and encourage each other and stimulate each others hearts toward those those goals in that way.
[Aaron] I totally agree. That's good. Let's move on to the second question, how do you gracefully bring up subjects that have been touchy in the past? You don't, you just skip over them, you just ignore it. I'm just kidding. No, this is a hard one 'cause sometimes you can't avoid the sensitivity of it, in some scenarios.
[Jennifer] I think it's good to be sensitive to it.
[Aaron] What I'm saying is not that we be just harsh, or cold about it. I'm just saying you could come, I would imagine that there's some conversations that you can come perfectly gentle, with the best intentions, with the best words, and it will still be a hard conversation. That your spouse still may take it very personally. So I would say you come cautiously, you come patiently. And I would say the number one thing is make sure your heart's right. Is your intention because you're just bothered and you want this thing to change and there they go again? Is that your heart, or is your heart that you actually care that they're growing, they're changing, they're following through with their own words, because of their integrity, 'cause you love them, and you wanna see the mature? So, if your heart is a selfish one, like, I'm gonna go deal with this because I'm offended, which doesn't mean you're not allowed to have offenses. We have to deal with our offenses. But, if it's a conversation from the past, we have a lot of these, about specific things in our life, and some things are little, and some things are big things. I would say, don't avoid them, but make sure that our hearts are right, and make sure that the intention is for actual growth and maturity in your spouse, or for healing. Do you have any tips on that?
[Jennifer] Yeah, I was just gonna say that, when I go into conversations like this, I genuinely desire a good conversation about it. And, I think the most important thing that we could do, knowing that it's been touchy in the past, is pray for each other before we even get to the conversation. So, praying that I have the right heart, bringing it to the table, if I'm the one bringing it, and praying that I share in a respectful way, with the right words, words that will bring you understanding, but I also pray for your heart that, if there is sensitivity or anything like that, that you would be able to respond in an understanding way as well. That we're able to come together and have a good conversation about it. And I think that doing it with God at the center is the most important thing that we could do.
[Aaron] The tip for the person having the topic brought up to is humbleness. And also, being aware of defensiveness. I do this. I get defensive, we just had a conversation and I was defensive. And you called me, and you're like, "Why are you being defensive about this?" Often, defensiveness is self preservation. It's selfish, often. And so, if we're defending ourselves, then we're not in unity, and we're also not being humble.
[Jennifer] You're also not being quick to hear.
[Aaron] And I'm also not being quick to hear. Thank you for reminding me of that.
[Jennifer] I don't know if this helps practically but, when we go into conversations like this, I'll usually say something to Aaron like, hey, I really wanna share something with you, but, just so you know, my intention's not to upset you, or point the finger at you. It's just something that I've realized or recognized recently that I wanna talk about. Is that okay? Making sure that there's a place and a space for that conversation. You don't wanna just bring it up when you're at the dinner table, or you're walking into--
[Aaron] Right here on the podcast. Actually, I've been wanting to bring up to--
[Jennifer] No.
[Aaron] Not on the podcast.
[Jennifer] No.
[Aaron] And then, one last note on this. I think we can get in a pattern sometimes. Some relationships are special in this way, but I think a lot of us can, in some way, have this pattern of bringing up everything. And not overlooking certain things. There's this one thing that we actually, it's not that big of a deal, but I just have to bring it up every single time 'cause I don't wanna have to deal with it ever again. And so I think, truly internally evaluating, is the thing I wanna bring up, is it a thing that needs to be brought up? Or is it something that I can actually just let go? The Bible tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. So not that we overlook sin and pretend sin doesn't exist, but if I said something one time, we're talking and I said something and you're like, "Well that was rude." But you know I didn't mean it, it doesn't need to be brought up, in that one scenario. Now, if it's a pattern, like I'm always rude, that's one thing, but if I said something, and you think, "He must've not meant that." Or, the way they are with something. Sometimes it just needs to be let go.
[Jennifer] And I wanna speak to the other side, if your spouse is coming to you with something, I was gonna say something of importance, but, no matter when your spouse comes to you, how would you answer this question, does your spouse feel like they're walking on eggshells around you? Does it feel like you're here, there's a layer of eggshell around you, and they can't come that close to you? Does that make sense?
[Aaron] Yeah. So I think it's important for both sides that people listening can evaluate, okay, am I being aware of what I'm bringing up, and is it necessary? And then, how are my responses towards my spouse? Am I someone who gets defensive? Am I being selfish?
[Aaron] Am I being critical? Like I'm just over-critiquing my spouse.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and so I think that's it's important to think about are we setting ourselves up for putting eggshells down to where no one wants to come close to us and ask us those hard things.
[Aaron] And I think a good remedy for this, specifically, 'cause we're not tryna say, don't have conversations that need to happen. What we're talking about is evaluation and discernment. Is the thing that I want to bring up something that should be brought up? So my solution to that is, when you wanna bring something up, first evaluate in yourself if the thing that you're seeing or wanting to talk about in your spouse, is something that you deal with, but maybe in a different way. Because often, we're very keen to sin or issues in other people's lives that we ourselves deal with. Someone's always late to something for you and it bothers you. And then you realize that you're always late for something else. But you don't think about it. So, ask yourself, is this something that I deal with? And truly ask yourself, because if you care about it in them, you should care about it in yourself 'cause want to. So, just a little tip.
[Jennifer] It's good. All right, question number three is, how do you talk to your spouse when they are distracted by their phone? Can we just skip this one? Just kidding.
[Aaron] Again, I never do this.
[Jennifer] Okay, repeat that for everyone to just take a minute and hear.
[Aaron] How do you talk to your spouse when they are distracted by their phone? You can't.
[Jennifer] We have struggled with this so much you guys.
[Aaron] Before there was phones, there was TV. If you're ever sitting next to me and I'm looking at a TV, I'm not even watching what's on the TV, everything's shut off in my brain. Which is why we don't have a TV 'cause I would just sit there and I'd be gone for hours.
[Jennifer] This is true, but, what I was gonna say is, before phones there was an iPod. And I remember when the first iPod came out and we were dating.
[Aaron] And it only did one thing.
[Jennifer] I know, one thing. And I'm sitting at a restaurant, next to you, and you've got the wire from the cord in your ear, both ears, and you're scrolling through music on your iPod.
[Aaron] Now, to my defense, I had just got it.
[Jennifer] You were so excited about it.
[Aaron] Yeah, I was excited about it.
[Jennifer] But here's the point, we do get distracted, and it's a real thing, and I think it's important to talk about.
[Aaron] Yeah, I would say, and Jennifer, you've gotten good at this, Aaron, I'm tryna talk to you, can you put your phone down please? Because I didn't even know you were talking to me, and you've been talking to me. And I'm on my phone. Which we have whole episode on phones and boundaries, which is something we're constantly working on. But being free to say that, say hey, can you put your phone away? I wanna chat with you. And you've also gotten good at voicing to me how it makes you feel. You're talking to me and I--
[Jennifer] Mid-sentence you'll pull it out.
[Aaron] And then I'm on my phone. Maybe it buzzed or something, and I'm on it. Or, we're talking about something, and it's something that I need to do, and so I go to do it while you're talking to me.
[Jennifer] Yeah, oh gosh.
[Aaron] You're like, can you--
[Jennifer] Can you wait 'til I'm done?
[Aaron] Do that after we're done? I know that you're excited to do that. Yes, it's mostly on my side, sorry. I would say yeah, just get really good at voicing it, hey, can you put your phone away so we can have a chat? I know that's distracting. You're gonna get on it afterwards, but, so we're not distracted, let's put our phones away. But, be willing to receive it on both sides. 'Cause we're cellphone generation.
[Jennifer] I was gonna say, I think it's important to have patience with each other because, yes, we are a part of a generation that uses technology on a daily basis. This is such a hard one because it's not just you, Aaron, it happens to both of us. But being aware and allowing your spouse to help you be aware, so not getting defensive when they say something about you being distracted on your phone. I don't know.
[Aaron] A little side note about cellphones, something fun that we've done in our community for a long time, I don't know if I started it or someone else did, someone must've started it, but if see someone on their phone and they're spending time with you, just lean over and be like, hey, who you hanging out with?
[Jennifer] It's kinda mean and sarcastic but.
[Aaron] What's powerful about it is, oh, I'm hanging out with people on my phone, not the people that I'm actually hanging out with. But that's has nothing to do with someone distracted by their phone. If you're distracted, you just gotta ask, hey, this is an important conversation, or I wanna tell you something, can you put your phone away for just a second so we can chat?
[Jennifer] I will say this, Aaron, you have been making it a point this last year to leave your phone in the car, especially--
[Aaron] On Sundays.
[Jennifer] On Sundays, so that we are not distracted during fellowship time. You leave it out in the living room at bedtime, so you're not constantly scrolling in the bed. On date nights, you tend to leave it in the car.
[Aaron] What I'm tryna to do is just, because I know how prone I am to just pick it up when it's near me, I'm tryna find ways of getting it away from me. Which I wish that I could do more.
[Jennifer] We've also had some pretty deep encounters with our kids, where they recognize that we're on our phones in front of them, and I think we've shared this on the podcast before, but just realizing how it impacts our relationship with them as well.
[Aaron] I think that's an adequate answer for now.
[Jennifer] Which is, what is the solution here?
[Aaron] Tell them.
[Jennifer] Tell them.
[Aaron] Can you please put it down so we can chat?
[Jennifer] Hey, just so you know, it hurts my feelings when I'm talking to you and you're looking at your phone. Oh also, I gotta mention this, if you're in the middle of a really heavy conversation, and there's no resolve yet, but there's been silence for a while, don't just jump on the phone, that hurts so bad. Just--
[Aaron] Remain in the situation.
[Jennifer] Remain in the situation, remain in the silence until it gets figured out. And if it doesn't get figured out, communicate that with each other say, hey, we're just gonna put this on pause until we can figure it out, and then move on. But don't do it without that communication.
[Aaron] That's a very good point.
[Jennifer] Okay, number four.
[Aaron] As a wife, how do you teach yourself to respond, ask, speak respectfully to your husband?
[Jennifer] So I guess I have to answer that?
[Aaron] Well, it's not for me.
[Jennifer] Okay, so first you have to know what respect is. I remember back when we were first going to a marriage ministry, probably in third, fourth year of our marriage, and there was a group of young wives that I was friends with, and we're hanging out one night, and I remember asking them how would you define respect? I don't remember really growing up understanding. I kinda knew it what respect was, and I could get by with a makeshift definition, but I didn't actually know what it looked like in marriage. And they didn't either. It was like they looked at me like why would you even ask that question?
[Aaron] Why're you even bringing that word up in our midst?
[Jennifer] And I'm just sharing that because I do think it's important to know what respect is. So Google says respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone. So, if you want to teach yourself to respond respectfully, you should know why you respect your spouse, right?
[Aaron] Right.
[Jennifer] You should know why you deeply admire them. 'Cause that's what's gonna fuel you or propel you to respond that way.
[Aaron] Do you think a wife can respond respectfully to husband who is not respectable.
[Jennifer] That's a really hard question, and I don't feel comfortable answering it for every single person, 'cause I don't know every single situation, but I would say this as an encouragement, that there are some things that you can find to admire about a person.
[Aaron] The thought I had, and I was thinking about, not a spouse, how should we respond to a stranger that we know nothing about? With honor, with respect, with kindness, right? So my point was, I think, that in pretty much most situations, on the individual level of a person who loves the Lord, we can find, even if it's not for the husband's sake, or the spouse's sake, out of my respect and love for the Lord, I'm going to speak to this person the way Christ speaks to me.
[Jennifer] That's a better answer than I gave.
[Aaron] I think you were being careful. I don't think your answer was bad. That's what I was thinking about is, regardless if they find something respectable, 'cause a lot of people might struggle with that, I don't respect my husband, therefore I'm gonna talk--
[Jennifer] I'm not gonna, and then that becomes a justification.
[Aaron] And on both sides, I don't respect my wife because of this, this and this, therefore I'm going to, rather than treating them the way Christ wants you to treat them.
[Jennifer] That's good. Well, I think that we can, just as you're talking about we can be respectful, and it's not contingent on other people. We can be respectful in our communication towards others, towards our spouse, and like you said, out of that love and admiration for the Lord. I love that. And that that will influence our relationship. My admiration for you has grown over the years.
[Aaron] Totally, and vice versa. And I would say also, none of this subtracts from the kinds of things we get to say. If you need to tell someone, which you told me before about my sin in my life, what it was doing to God, what the reality of it was, but you said it so respectfully, so honoringly. And the Bible says to speak the truth in love. It doesn't say don't speak the truth because you want them to not feel bad. You can still say really difficult things to someone in a loving, respectful way. So that's just a thought I had.
[Jennifer] Just to clarify too, the question was how do you teach yourself to respond, and ask, and speak respectfully? I would say the one word that comes to mind is practice. That's probably what I should have just started with. But practice. As you practice this, and as you walk in it, it will become more natural for you to respond respectfully.
[Aaron] That's good. And remember who you're doing it for. It's not necessarily your spouse, it's for God, because you love the Lord. Yeah, that's good. And it goes for the husbands too. The answer is the same. Okay, so number five says, what do you do when one spouse gets tired of talking and stops listening, and refuses to respond, or to keep the conversation going? This is like that situation, we're having, it's a difficult conversation, maybe it's a frustrating conversation, maybe it's just another one of those conversations that we've had 20 times. Well, first of all, you can't control your spouse, just, I think, the quick answer is that you can't control me--
[Jennifer] You can't force them to give you an answer or or to--
[Aaron] You can lovingly say hey, it's really hurting me that you're refusing to finish this. Is there a better way we can finish it later maybe? Or can we finish it now? I would say also, being understanding in the situation of how the conversation's going. Often, these kinds of conversations are the ones that are, both spouses are at each other, both spouses are annoyed, both spouses are selfish.
[Jennifer] Both probably need some humility.
[Aaron] Yeah. I would say just, sometimes maybe you just need to step back and pray for your spouse and say hey, I get that you probably aren't interested right now, but we need to have this conversation. Can we do it another time?
[Jennifer] I know some things that I like to do with you is, hey, I get that were not in agreement on this, can we just pray about it and close with prayer, and ask God to reveal things to you over the course of however many days, or until you talk about it again.
[Aaron] And I would also say, for the one who's wanting to continue in the conversation, so one's checking out, and the one's like hey, we're not done. Maybe ask yourself, are you elongating because you haven't gotten retribution yet, or are you wanting this to keep going because you haven't convinced them yet of your side? Are you wanting to, discern and spiritually evaluate if you're wanting the right thing? Are you wanting reconciliation or you wanting to be right? Are you wanting unity or you waiting for them to yield? And this goes for the husband or the wife. And so, ask yourself, are they checking out because they're not getting to where I want them to be? And that's why I keep going. Rather than hey, are we gonna find a solution, a unifying solution? Are we gonna find reconciliation, are we gonna find a place that we're back in the right relationship with each other? Rather than I'm getting my way and they've come to my side?
[Jennifer] That's good. I know I keep going back to prayer, but if your spouse is getting tired of the conversation and refusing to continue it, pray for their heart. Pray that the Lord would minister to them, and transform them, and bring resolve through them, because ultimately, it's the Holy Spirit, right, that does it.
Mm hmm, amen.
[Jennifer] Okay, moving on to number six. How do you overcome the fear of vulnerability? That's a really big question, but it can be simplified.
[Aaron] I think it has to be. Well, first of all, most people are afraid of being vulnerable.
[Jennifer] I would say everybody is. Vulnerability isn't something that's like, yeah, let's be vulnerable. It's hard.
[Aaron] It's spiritual nakedness. It's showing what's on the inside, and often we don't like what's on the inside. And so I would say, you said earlier, practice. But really, asking the Spirit of God. Say God, transform me in this because, it was other people's vulnerability with us that freed us to be more vulnerable.
[Jennifer] It gave us the courage.
[Aaron] So yeah, if you're struggling with this, just pray and say Lord-First of all, regardless if you never reveal anything about yourself, we all know who we are. We are wretched. We are sinners who need a Savior, who need His righteousness, who need His power to transform us. And so, just recognizing that and say, okay Lord, humble me, and help me be open so that you can A, change me, the things that I'm afraid of, the things that I don't like, the ickiness, the grossness inside me, but also use that vulnerableness, use that transparency to free others, to heal others. Not because of me, but because of You, Lord. I don't know, that's my idea.
[Jennifer] I think a big thing that I learned through being vulnerable in marriage, is having this resolve to understand that love requires risk in making yourself known. So, what I mean by that is, in order for me to know that my husband loves me, like actual me, not someone who's pretending over here is--
[Aaron] Not what you show me.
[Jennifer] You have to know me, so I have to reveal it to you, and that requires risk. Because that means I'm gonna share something with you, and then you get to respond. So there's a risk involved, and that's what makes it hard. But I'd say, like you said, practice is really good, and then I was just gonna plug the Unveiled Wife here, because if you wanna get to know someone who wasn't vulnerable, and then was extremely vulnerable, not just with you, Aaron, but with the whole world by writing a book about it.
[Aaron] It was a big deal for us.
[Jennifer] The Unveiled Wife is my journey of learning vulnerability in marriage and with God.
[Aaron] That was good. So, question number seven, we have been married over a decade and feel like we lost things to talk about.
[Jennifer] Aah. So, I would say,
Find things to talk about.
[Jennifer] I would say start learning again. So, Aaron has this really great quality about him where, when he gets excited about something, he just starts learning about it, I don't know.
[Aaron] I research.
[Jennifer] Yeah, you have this research brain where you just, you get hooked on something. Even with the kids, like when it comes to Legos, it's like, oh Elliot, I figured out this new thing. You're even learning the Rubik's Cube, okay. You been researching.
I have been.
[Jennifer] Watching YouTube videos, and you been sharing it with me. So you'll sit down on the couch with me and be like, "Babe, look at this," what do you call it?
Algorithm.
Algorithm. And you do this twist thing and I'm not following, but I'm just smiling 'cause my husband loves to share this with me.
[Aaron] And then you see it working and you're like, "How'd you do that?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, it's pretty awesome. So start learning something again that you can share with them. It could be anything. And then talk about it with them.
[Aaron] And to be honest, if you've lost things to talk about, I don't know this person. I don't know their life. But if you guys are in a place, if you're in a place that you have nothing to talk about, first of all, that's not true. There's never nothing to talk about. There's never nothing to explore with each other, and to walk with in each other. There's, at minimum, there's tons of challenges in life to have to navigate.
[Jennifer] So you're saying they're choosing not to share things?
[Aaron] Yeah, I would say, I don't think it's possible to have nothing to talk about.
[Jennifer] Especially if you have children. If you have children, you have a lot to talk about.
[Aaron] Well, and the other thing is, is if we're pursuing God together, if we're looking to what He's doing, He's going to reveal to you sin in your life, He's gonna give you jobs to do, like this idea of He's got work for us to do, good works that He's prepared for us since the foundations of the world, those things are remarkable, meaning that they are able to be remarked about. There's something to be talked about. And so, I think that if there's nothing to talk about, there's potentially, maybe your minds aren't on heavenly things. Maybe your minds are an earthly things, and worry, and things that you're not looking up.
[Jennifer] Or maybe there's sin your guys's life that you've been avoiding confronting because--
[Aaron] Mm hmm, sin keeps us in darkness. So I would just challenge you, if you think there's nothing to talk about, I would start praying and say Lord, what's in my life, what's in our life that is keeping us from each other? Keeping us silent, keeping us in the darkness, keeping us from moving forward and being excited about life? Guys, if you're believers, we have the greatest hope, everyone in the world, the greatest hope is for the believer. That's remarkable. That's something to talk about, forever. We're going to do it in Heaven. We're gonna be worshiping the Lord, forever in Heaven. So, if we've lost that excitement now, we gotta ask ourselves why? What's taking it away? Where have we misplaced that?
[Jennifer] Now simply, if you're just bored, and you've forgotten how to communicate with each other, and ask each other good questions, I have to let that we have a freebie for you called Date Night Conversation Starters, and you can take these out on your next date, or just hanging out in the house, and use one of those to prompt a question and get started talking.
[Aaron] Start asking questions to each other. You can go to datenightconversations.com. Was that prompted, was that planned?
[Jennifer] I just thought about it.
[Aaron] These are some good things to think about.
[Jennifer] Okay, we're gonna get through these next ones fairly quickly, just for times sake, but, how do you get an introvert to communicate? Here, let me change it, Aaron, how did you get me to communicate in marriage? 'Cause I'm an introvert.
Keep asking you questions. Never give up. Do it gently with love. The goal is not to ever change someone, the goal's to engage, and the goal is to encourage, and exhort, and to lift up, and to love, and to strengthen. Remember, you're one, and God's given you unique characteristics for a reason. So, they're not things to be bothered by or hated, they might be things that need to be grown in. Just because, quote unquote, I'm an introvert, doesn't mean that quote unquote, you need to stay an introvert.
[Jennifer] Don't label yourself that way.
[Aaron] You can grow. You never know, what God wants to grow you into, and transform you into. So don't just say well, this is what I am, and therefore that's what I am.
[Jennifer] I'll say this, over the years, Aaron, your affirmation and encouragement has really gone a long way in that, you ask me a question, and maybe I'll answer it very quickly or short, or maybe not at all. And you say, just so you know, I want to hear from you. That affirmation, hearing that over and over again, reminds my heart, my mind, he really does just wanna know.
[Aaron] And then, one last little thing I would say, recognizing and cultivating the differences in your spouse will make them feel loved and makes your spouse more able to communicate in those times that they can't-So, if they're introverted, recognize that in your spouse in saying, hey, why don't you get some time alone, when you go be with the Lord, I'll take care of the family, I'll take care of the kids, or whatever. And that let's them know that you appreciate them, and their differences, their uniqueness, and you're excited about it. You're like, how can you use that in a good way, so that in those times that it's necessary, you're not allowed to just retreat into your title, into your whatever. They they know that you love them, and that you're saying hey, I know this is hard for you, but we do need to deal with this.
[Jennifer] Yeah, that's really good. Okay, so the next one says, how do you stay in touch with your spouse when your husband works two jobs and you're a stay at home mom? I'm just gonna answer this one really quickly for what comes to my mind is get creative, text them, send love letters, make a journal where you guys can pass it back and forth, putting things on the schedule and protecting that time, even if you're super tired or there's other circumstances going on. I would say that those are some practical ways that I would answer that. And I'm sorry, that's such a hard question to try and answer, but the communication is still a priority.
[Aaron] I would say if it's a priority, we'll do it. And we have a brother in our church that leaves real early in the morning, comes back real late, and he just he works a long job, and he records videos of him reading the Bible, and asking questions and sends them to his kids. So even though he can't be home, when he has the break, when he has the time, he make sure to, everyday, send them something to lead them and disciple them. So, father's who have these jobs, if you're listening to this, and maybe you're on the road right now, don't use your absence as an excuse to not disciple and lead your children and family. There's ways to do it, especially in this day and age, man, we have technology. You could FaceTime every day, there's ways to do it. So I just wanna encourage you that, get creative like my wife said, find ways of connecting with your spouse and your children regularly, to show them that you're there. Because even though you can't physically be there, you can spiritually.
[Jennifer] Cool. Okay, we got two questions left. The next one is, how do you handle conflict when you are very irritated? Which happens to all of us, right? No one's immune to irritability or irritation. But the verse that I thought of was Psalm 4:4, it says, "Be angry and do not sin. "Ponder in your own hearts, on your beds and be silent."
[Aaron] And that's a good point is, when you're frustrated, make sure that, again, you're coming with the right heart. So, you've dealt with your frustrations with the Lord first. Doesn't mean you don't say something about it, and you don't address it.
[Jennifer] It's that being slow to speak.
[Aaron] And then also, maybe wait. Wait for when you've cooled down. That's always a good posture to take. Right, so the last question we got for you guys is, what are important questions you need to ask your spouse every week? Aah.
[Jennifer] Okay, so we don't ask each other the same questions every week, but, we do have a standard of questions that we lean on when we want to know each other more, Aaron. And it's stuff like hey, how's your heart? Or hey, what are you thinking about? Or hey, what's God been teaching you? What are you gonna be working on today? Or what do you need help?
[Aaron] Or what are you reading in the Bible? These are interesting questions that help, if the other person maybe hasn't been, they say oh, well nothing. I'm gonna get into the Word, right? So they're encouraging. And if they are, you can start a conversation with them about what they're learning for the purpose of growth. And we have some friends, really good friends, Jeremy and Audrey Roloff, they actually have a resource called the Marriage Journal. And it's an awesome resource. They actually have, it's a weekly check up for your marriage.
[Jennifer] There're actually specific questions that you ask every week.
[Aaron] And they draw you closer to your spouse, they help you get to know each other. It also helps you stay on track with each other. So, if you're asking this question, if you're out there thinking yeah, what should we be asking ourselves? It's called the Marriage Journal by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff. You should go check that out, it's an awesome resource, we totally support them, we totally love them. And it can totally help you in growing in your marriage. So, we love you all, and we thank you for joining us on this last episode of the season. If you haven't checked out the other episodes from this season, please go do that while we're on this little break. And also, check out last episode because we have a giveaway going right now. And it goes only until April 10th, so go check out our last episode and find out how that giveaway is gonna work. But, as usual, we pray before we sign out.
[Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage. We pray we would be husbands and wives who are willing to communicate with each other in a respectful way. We pray we would have the courage to say the hard things in love. We pray we would be good listeners, and truly hear what our spouse is sharing with us. We pray to share our heart with one another, always. We pray that your Holy Spirit would infuse our speech and open our ears, so that we can hear. Help our minds to understand each other, and to extend grace to each other. We pray the posture of our hearts would be humble. We pray we would strive to make marriage a safe place to communicate, and not a scary one. Help us to work through our marriage issues, and the things that we're experiencing to gain knowledge of each other and of You. Help us to grow in how we walk, and may it be in a worthy manner as we navigate life together. In Jesus Name.
[Aaron] Amen. We love you all. And we'll see you next season. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com, and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
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| 31 Jul 2019 | The Power Of Confession In Your Marriage & How To Do It. | 00:46:02 | |
The Bible tells us in James 5 to "confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."Confession is one of the most powerful gifts God has given us. It is by confession that we are saved. (Romans 10:10) It is by confession that we are healed. When we confess our sin we are saying that God is right and we are not. It is humbling our selves. It is the killing of our flesh just as Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow him. But confession can be hard especially because it is exactly the opposite of what our flesh wants. Confess exposes our nakedness and our natural instinct is to protect that nakedness and to cover it up. But when we hide we allow our sins and wrong ways of thinking to live on instead of being cut away. In this episode, we talk all about the power of confession and how it can be done well in our marriages. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 15 Mar 2021 | Are We Living In The Last Days? | 01:19:40 | |
Speaking of the end of days we wanted to tell you about a movie that we recently watched that was really exciting and encouraging. It shares about how the return of Christ is like a Galilian wedding. marriageaftergod.com/btw Connect With Us
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| 18 Oct 2019 | 7 Battle Verses for Overcoming Sin - Part Two | 00:33:19 | |
The word of God is sharper than any two edge sword it cuts through the bone and it pierces to the soul, it’s the thing that transforms us. Today in the Marriage After God Podcast we are going over four anchor verses to meditate on when you are trying to overcome sin. “If you’re a believer and you’re practicing sin and getting better at it, you better think long and hard of what you know of God, and to who you belong. “ Aaron Smith Our desire is that today’s podcast not only helps equip you to overcome temptation and sin, but that it also prepares you to encourage your spouse when they are wrestling with sin. We pray that this episode blesses you. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 16 May 2018 | How To Have A Healthy Biblical Relationship With Your In-laws | 00:28:42 | |
When we say "I do" we are saying yes to the person we have fallen in love with. However, that person comes from a family and part of marriage is navigating how to respect both sets of family. Marriage is about two people who have different backgrounds and upbringings becoming one, making their own unique family. In-laws and extended families are one of those areas of marriage that can be a source of contention for couples. We get asked quite a bit of questions for advice on how to respect these relationships while still trying to work together in marriage to build the family God desires. In this episode, we chat about marriage and in-laws. We take a look at some scripture that helps us understand the significance of being one in marriage. We also talk about boundaries. -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
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| 18 Jan 2021 | How To Delight In The Lord and Your Spouse | 00:53:37 | |
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READ TRANSCRIPT [Jennifer] Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast.
[Aaron] We're your hosts. I'm Aaron.
[Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer.
[Aaron] We've been married for 14 years.
[Jennifer] And we have five young children.
[Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other.
[Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book, "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast.
[Aaron] "Marriage After God" is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose.
[Jennifer] To reflect His love.
[Aaron] To be a light in this world.
[Jennifer] To work together as a team.
[Aaron] Using what He has given us.
[Jennifer] To build His kingdom.
[Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey.
[Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together.
[Aaron] This is Marriage After God.
[Aaron] Welcome back, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your hosts of the Marriage After God podcast. We have a fun topic for you today. A light one and we think you're gonna enjoy it. We're excited to share it with you all. And hopefully it inspires you in your relationship with God and your spouse.
[Jennifer] Yeah, before we jump into it, which we'll do shortly, Some of my closest girlfriends were praying recently for the men in our life, husbands, fathers-
Thank you.
[Jennifer] You're welcome. Just really wanting to lift up our men who are leading our families. Also, bearing the weight of care for everything that's been going on in our nation, in our world, because just by nature they're protectors, providers, it's on their mind, and we care about them. And so as they consider everything that's going on and how it will impact the family, and how they navigate it with us, we just felt concern to bring them before the Lord and pray for them. And I just love that we had the opportunity to do that. But with that, I wanted to also say Aaron and I want to recognize that there's just a lot going on right now. And I mean, we're only a few weeks into 2021 and it's already been historical and I'm not talking about just the memes. That's not funny.
I thought it was funny. The memes are pretty historical.
[Jennifer] Aaron was just sharing some with me.
[Aaron] And hysterical.
[Jennifer] No, anyways, this is serious. Just this first part's kinda serious. Because Aaron and I, just like you guys, we get to navigate what's going on in the world around us and respond to it. But because we also have an online presence and this platform of a podcast, we wrestle with questions like, hey, are we gonna address that thing that happened? Do people wanna hear our opinions? Does God want us to speak to that issue? And it's just, I know for me personally it's a lot, but we do wrestle.
[Aaron] Yeah. It's not something that we just pretend isn't going on. But I think what we've landed on is that the most important message is that of Jesus Christ and drawing people back to the Word of God. Would you agree?
[Jennifer] Absolutely. Yeah, and the reason that I wanted to share this is just so you guys know our hearts is that we are navigating and wrestling those things and you don't see all of those things happening. And so I thought it'd be nice just to address it and let you know that we are watching, we are praying, we know that there's husbands and wives out there who are impacted by some of the current events that are happening, whether it be political, or a natural disaster, or any sort of crisis. We know that those things are happening. However, like Aaron just mentioned, we're gonna stick to the things that God has purposed in front of us and the stories and the experiences and the things that we can speak to in His truth to encourage you, because that's what we created this podcast for is to encourage you guys.
[Aaron] Well, and I would reiterate that we firmly believe that the Word of God, that walking with the Lord, is the response to whatever is going on. We talk about it in the platform of marriage and that aspect of life, but it's not like your job and politics and your marriage and your parenting and your friends and your church are all separate things in boxes that get dealt with differently. We deal with it all the exact same way. Now, that doesn't mean that we have all the answers, but what it does mean is we know who does, and we know who to run to, and we know what the Word of God says. The Bible is the eternal Word of God. It's living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, cutting through to the bone and marrow. It discerns the hearts of men. So that's what our mission is, like you said last episode, Jennifer, is our ministry is to the church. Now we have ministries outside of that as well, but our main one pretty much for our whole marriage and life has been ministering to believers. And so in these times, we're not the ones equipped to bring up political commentary. We're trying to be equipped to bring up what the Word of God says and encourage you in that.
[Jennifer] Now, being a marriage podcast and knowing that Aaron and I, we struggle and navigate some of these things, we can speak to really quickly and encourage those who are watching the news or experiencing these things happening and unfolding. So can we quickly just dive in for maybe a minute or two, how can a husband and wife-
[Aaron] Process.
[Jennifer] Process and navigate these things as a couple?
[Aaron] Well, what we could do, what our flesh probably wants to do, is get anxious, break down, feel overwhelmed. These are the natural responses to things that are out of our control.
[Jennifer] Or confusion.
[Aaron] Yeah, confusion or anger even. But you know what? The Bible addresses all of those things. And I think, well, we can do one thing is we can share the things that we're coming across and that are giving us anxieties.
[Jennifer] Like if I'm reading the news and something just strikes a chord in my heart and I can't let it go, like it's just sitting with me, I can bring that to you and say, "Hey, I've really been thinking about this. It's kind of consuming my mind, can you-
[Aaron] Pray for me.
[Jennifer] Pray for me or help explain it to me or whatever I need in that moment.
[Aaron] And that's what we're supposed to do is bear each other's burdens. So communicating about it, not just holding it in, not just saying, "If I bring that up, it's gonna cause something," or, "I can't talk about that," but like going to your spouse, going to your church, and just saying, "Hey, I'm dealing with something about this thing that I saw, or this thing that I heard, or what's going on in the world."
[Jennifer] Another thing that you can do that we do is commit to praying for the things that you see and hear. Don't just scroll past it, don't let your heart become desensitized to it.
[Aaron] Which is a good encouragement for me because, I mean, I haven't had social media on my phone for a little bit, but when I did, I would see something going on in the world and I'd be like, "Oh, that's horrible," and then I'd scroll right past it.
Bummer it, yeah.
[Aaron] But stopping and saying, "I can't be there, I can't like physically help, but I can pray. And I know that I know a God that can help and has a plan for this," that's good. Something that would be really helpful probably for the entire world is to take breaks away from consuming the news. Right?
[Jennifer] Yeah. I would say even in today's era of the way the internet works is even taking a break from actively engaging. If you're one of those people that leaves comments and dives in right away, hit the pause button, be slow to speak, be slow to dive into those things until you've wrestled and processed with God, with your husband, with your family, and get your heart right.
[Aaron] Yeah, just speaking about this idea of taking a break, I was speaking to someone from Compassionate International, which by the way, you should check them out if you haven't, and he was just sharing how every year him and his wife take turns going for a couple of days, three days I think, to be off all technology.
[Jennifer] That's cool.
[Aaron] Little hiatus. Not everyone can go away, but we could do that at home. Let's say, "Let's put this stuff away for a few days."
[Jennifer] I think the goal is balance.
[Aaron] It's balance, yeah.
[Jennifer] And speaking of balance, it's even, in regard to God's Word, are you consuming outside resources and information more than you're consuming the Word of God?
[Aaron] That's convicting to me 'cause the answer is yes.
[Jennifer] Well, we need to bring some balance, then.
[Aaron] We need to switch that around, yeah.
[Jennifer] Another one is don't let current events polarize you in your marriage. So when it does come time to talk about it, don't allow that thing to be the source of contention between you and your spouse. You've got to remain unified. Yeah, don't let it cause division, as the Lord says. A house cannot stand that is divided.
[Jennifer] Right, but if the foundation is the Word of God, then
Run to it, yeah.
[Jennifer] you'll be able to move forward from there.
[Aaron] And there's a word that believers should remember is were we're to endure, as Paul tells Timothy, as a good soldier.
[Jennifer] Well, things are going to happen. There's gonna be more news, there's going to be more historical events unfolding before us.
[Aaron] Yeah, especially if you know anything about the Bible and what it tells about coming-
[Jennifer] The end.
[Aaron] Yeah, the end. The Lord's return. And I wanna end on some Scripture. This is, I read this today and I thought it was incredibly powerful.
[Jennifer] And when you say end, you mean end this section so we can jump into today's fun topic.
End the session, yeah. We haven't gotten into the good part yet. But this is really good. This is Isaiah chapter 35. "The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad. The desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus. It shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy in singing. The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it. The majesty of Carmel and Sharon; they shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God. Strengthen the weak hands and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance. With the recompense of God, He will come and save you.' Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap like a deer and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For waters break forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The burning sands shall become a pool and the thirsty ground springs of water. In the haunt of jackals where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes. And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way. Even if they are fools, they shall not go astray. No lion shall be there nor shall any ravenous beast come upon it. They shall not be found there, but the redeemed shall walk there, and the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing. Everlasting joy be upon their heads. They shall obtain gladness and joy and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." This was written thousands of years before Jesus came, and Jesus was the answer of this. He is the way that we walk on. He's the highway that shall be there called the Way of Holiness. The early church, before they were called Christians, were called the Way because they followed Jesus. So be encouraged by that.
[Jennifer] Man, that was really good Aaron. Thank you for sharing that. And I just feel like I have to meditate on that this week and really just let my heart absorb it. Okay, we're gonna move on. Aaron and I would love to encourage you guys to leave a star rating review for this podcast if it has impacted you. If you have time, you can even leave a written review. These are so impactful. Not only do they help people find the Marriage After God podcast because of algorithms and the way that social media and all these platforms work, but it also really encourages us. And today we wanted to share some of those encouragements that you've left for others to find.
[Aaron] Yeah, this one is by user, I think it's Agibb90. "You all are one of my favorites. Love Aaron and Jennifer and all the materials they put out, whether they're daily emails, Instagram posts, one of their amazing books, or an awesome podcast. They are an excellent source of God's knowledge for your marriage or for life. So glad you're all back. Keep doing what you're doing." Thank you, that was encouraging. There was another one, and these are recent ones, so I just wanna thank you for everyone that's taking our call to action and going and leaving a review.
[Jennifer] So this one was a five-star by jones_k10. "This podcast is beneficial, encouraging, and practical. Aaron and Jennifer honestly share their story and wisdom with men and women. I love how the couple speaks to each other and their listeners. They don't hide behind the messiness of life. They tell it how it is and give practical advice to apply to your life. This podcast is a wonderful way to start each morning on a positive, encouraging note."
[Aaron] Nice, thank you so much.
[Jennifer] That was so encouraging.
[Aaron] Yeah, our messiness is encouraging to people. I love it. So we just wanna thank everyone for keep sharing these episodes. It really blesses us and I think it gets a lot more people to hear about the show. And one last note before we move on to the topic is we want you to be one of the 114,000 people that have joined our free prayer challenge. It's 31 days and we send you an email every day with a topic for you to pray over your spouse. You can choose either the husband route or the wife route, whoever you're praying for, and it's completely free. Just go to marriageprayerchallenge.com, marriageprayerchallenge.com, and would you just join this massive, growing movement of marriages that are praying for their spouses?
[Jennifer] All right you guys, did any of you see the Christmas star?
[Aaron] The movie?
[Jennifer] No. It was in the headlines for a while in December, but I heard about it. It's the conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter, and it was-
[Aaron] Oh, you're talking about the awesome space event.
[Jennifer] Yes, and it was one that I asked Aaron to go chase after. So we jumped in the car and we drove south and we were driving and Aaron goes, "I think that might be it." And we saw something bright in the sky for like 30 seconds and then cloud coverage.
[Aaron] Well, we were chasing the clouds 'cause we're driving down, I'm like, it said it was supposed to be in the lower horizon,
Southwest region.
[Aaron] and I'm thinking, "You mean the lower horizon where all the clouds are at?"
[Jennifer] I know, it was crazy.
[Aaron] Right, we're in the one place in the world that's not gonna be able to see this today. And we literally had to pull over because we saw it and were like, "There it is!" And it was like 30 seconds.
[Jennifer] And then it disappeared.
[Aaron] Yeah. And then it was gone.
If that was even it.
I think it was but we must've missed it 'cause they were like right next to each other, they weren't like one thing.
[Jennifer] I don't know.
[Aaron] It was pretty cool. Probably with the telescope would've been more amazing. I saw pictures online that were way more incredible. You know, it's funny when you bring this up I feel like we've chased a lot of like celestial things.
We have, we have. We've spent a lot of time look up, I think, Aaron. But that's why I brought it up because I love that time with you when we're just standing side by side looking up. I don't know why, it's so fun.
[Aaron] Usually quiet, yeah.
[Jennifer] Well, yeah. There was this other time where we drove to another place very close to our house, I think it was like 10 minutes away, and we-
[Aaron] Yeah, this was a couple years ago, right?
[Jennifer] We were trying to watch the super blood moon rise, and there was gonna be a certain time where it was gonna be the biggest, and so we were just sitting there waiting for it.
[Aaron] That was a cool one.
That was cool.
Because that one looked massive, it was huge, and we watched it rise over the hills.
[Jennifer] It was so cool.
Yeah, that was a fun one.
And then there was another time where my brother texted me and said, "Hey, at this time," I think it was like 9:38 PM, "Starlink is gonna fly over the house. You gotta run outside and look at it."
[Aaron] If you don't know what Starlink is, it's like hundreds of satellites all in a line. They look like a belt.
[Jennifer] I think it was 400.
[Aaron] By I think Tesla?
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] And we were literally standing there and we were like, how do we know we're gonna see it?
Yeah, we ran out there.
How, we don't see anything? And then all of a sudden we just-
[Jennifer] It's cold, it's dark, we're in our pajamas. I don't even know if we had shoes on, but it worked.
[Aaron] Well, and then all of a sudden, we saw one little light moving. We're like, oh, looks like a satellite, okay. And then another one, and then another one, and it went for like 20 minutes. It just kept going.
[Jennifer] We had kinks in our neck from staring up and just sitting out there, and then-
[Aaron] That was actually pretty incredible also with how in sync they were. They were perfectly aligned and just moving at the same speed.
[Jennifer] But they looked like stars.
[Aaron] But they looked like stars moving through the sky. Big ole belt of stars, but they were satellites. That was a fun one.
[Jennifer] It was super cool. So anyways, we just wanted to open up this topic-
[Aaron] There was another one that you didn't right down.
Which one, which one?
[Aaron] The super eclipse that we saw.
[Jennifer] Oh yeah, that was really awesome. Was that 2017?
[Aaron] That was, I don't know when that was.
[Jennifer] I think that was 2017. The Great American Eclipse.
[Aaron] That's what it was.
We saw that tonight.
It literally landed, like our region was the most visible. It was right above Madris but whatever. It was close and it looked awesome.
[Jennifer] That was pretty remarkable.
[Aaron] Yeah, 'cause I got video of it and you can see the burning ring around the moon.
Not just that,
And the sun, that was amazing.
but the eeriness of the whole town just going gray, like dark.
[Aaron] And then the birds stopped chirping all at the same time, like they thought it was nighttime.
It was kinda creepy.
It was amazing. We've seen lots of sky things.
[Jennifer] Yeah. But my point in sharing all of this is that I love standing side by side doing something with you and getting to interact with you in that way, just being present. And that's kind of what we're gonna talk about today, but even more specific, this idea of delighting in one another. And when I think of the word delight and enjoying something, I think these times with you, among a lot of other times in our marriage, but.
[Aaron] I just wanna read this Scripture that reminds me about these ideas of us looking up and just looking at God's creation. In Romans 1:20 it says, "For His invisible attributes, namely His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world in the things that have been made, so that they are without excuse." When we look up you can't deny the Creator. I was just telling Elliot the other day-
[Jennifer] Our son.
[Aaron] Yeah, our son.
[Jennifer] I know you know that, I was just letting them know who are listening.
[Aaron] It was snowing and we were driving through it and we were talking about how it looked and everything. Looks like you're going through a portal with the snow flying by you. So I said, "You know Elliot, there's more galaxies in the universe than there is snow falling right now." And just saying that statement blew my mind 'cause I was thinking-
I think his jaw dropped too.
[Aaron] Yeah, and I said, "And God knows all of the names of the stars within those galaxies." He named them all. It's just incredible that His infinite nature is perceived easily, His invisible attributes. The things that you can't see of God, you can see clearly in nature.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and when we talk about this idea of delighting in each other and in the Lord today, I think I love doing these things with you, Aaron, and we're gonna get into some examples later, too, of how to delight in your children. And sometimes it's doing something, and being out in nature is such a big part of it because it's like doing all three at once with our family, 'cause I'm delighting in you, I'm delighting in our children, and I'm delighting in the Lord by recognizing the things that He has created.
[Aaron] Enjoying His creation.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and talking about it and being fascinated by it and having wonders surrounding us. Now it makes me wanna just go look up at the sky with you.
[Aaron] Yeah, the first thing I think about when I hear the word delight is actually the opposite of it, which I believe would be not necessarily like being against something, but I feel like it's more like just existing with something. Like gray. Like I think of the r gray. There's no r, it's not beautiful. So I would imagine just existing with you and we're doing our thing and there's no joy, I'm not excited or happy.
[Jennifer] No r.
[Aaron] No r. But I feel like delight is having my eyes open and seeing you, seeing my kids. So like you were talking about last episode, being grateful for Edith playing with your hair and just stopping in.
[Jennifer] Oh, I said daughter but I meant Olive.
[Aaron] Oh, Olive. I thought you were talking about Edith 'cause Edith does that, too.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] And so delight is an intentional focusing on, right? I'm looking. I'm like, "Oh, look at you, look at this," instead of just existing next to and just kind of moving forward and there's no connection, there's no depth, there's no r.
[Jennifer] It's like an appreciation, a recognition and acknowledgement.
[Aaron] And a longing for a desire. Like I want it, I like this. Things that I delight in, I want.
[Jennifer] Yeah. So I always love to look up definitions. Even if you kinda know what a word means, I like the definition. So, what does it mean to delight? To please someone greatly, to take great pleasure in, to give someone great pleasure or satisfaction. Delight is a verb, so it's an action word, which I like.
[Aaron] Of doing something.
[Jennifer] Doing something, yeah. And I also went to the source, which some of the other words gave it a little bit more r, which I like, indulgently.
[Aaron] So I want more.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
Give me lots of my family.
Give me all of it.
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] Attractive, agreeable, and jovial, like friendly, enjoyable. I just like those words. I like being able to understand the scope of what it means to delight in.
[Aaron] Well, and all those words also give more ways of looking at this.
[Jennifer] Oh, and serendipitous was one of them, which is more like a happening by chance. This is just happening right now.
[Aaron] Right, like let's go get in the car and look for the Christmas star.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] That was serendipitous.
[Jennifer] That was very serendipitous, it was.
[Aaron] And it could've been a tedious thing. It could've been like, no, we have other things to do. I could've been irritated or frustrated which I've done in the past 'cause I'm sometimes a grinch. But we didn't, it was a fun thing.
[Jennifer] Okay, so we're gonna kinda break this down into three sections, delighting in the Lord first, delighting in your spouse, and then a brief section on delighting in your kids. So Aaron, why don't you kick us off with the first one?
[Aaron] So I'm gonna read Psalm 37 verse four and it says this, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
[Jennifer] Okay, so do you wanna explain that?
[Aaron] Well, on face value it sounds like, I know many people have taken this, and it could mean this also, that if I delight myself in the Lord, then the desires I have in my heart, He's gonna give me.
[Jennifer] But here's the thing. When you delight yourself in the Lord, what's actually happening?
[Aaron] Right. What do your desires become?
[Jennifer] Right.
[Aaron] Right, because if you're delighting yourself in the Lord, if you're attracted to Him-
[Jennifer] If you're agreeable.
[Aaron] If you're agreeable to Him,
With Him.
if you're friendly with Him, if you're following Him, wanting more of Him-
[Jennifer] I think our desires will start to align a lot more with His than just what our flesh wants.
[Aaron] The way I read this is He will give you the desires of your heart. So when we delight ourselves in the Lord, the desires we have will be given to us by Him. So He'll give us a desire for His Son. He'll give us a desire for loving each other. He'll give us a desire to serve. He'll give us a desire to be generous, a desire to long for more of Him, to long for more of His Word. So rather than I just have these desires existing in me and then boom, He gives me those desires.
[Jennifer] I'm sitting here smiling because,
[Aaron] What?
[Jennifer] Well, I've never heard it that way before and it's not in our notes. And so I'm wondering where you came up with that, and when you first-
[Aaron] This is how I've always looked at it.
I know, but also when you re-read it, you said, "I hear it this way." It sounded exactly the same as how you read it the first time, so I was really confused until you started explaining it. But that's really beautiful.
[Aaron] He will give you the desires
As in it's almost like
of your heart.
you've got this empty bowl and you bring it before the Lord and you're just delighting in Him, looking up at Him like a child, and He fills your hands and your heart.
[Aaron] Right, and of course there's desires in me, that He can fulfill, right? But the Bible tells us that if we pray in His will, we have what we pray for, right? So it's not that I desire a Lamborghini. That's an easy one to just blow out of the picture. And God's gonna be like, "Oh, you desire it? Here you go." No, I believe that when we delight in Him, when we love Him, when we serve Him, when we follow Him, chase Him, want more of Him, not just that our desires become His desires, He gives us our desires. The ones that we have now are from Him, for Him, to Him.
[Jennifer] I kinda wish that this verse just had a period at the end of "delight yourself in the Lord," because that in itself is so beautiful and enough. I mean, God's Word is perfect and we don't need to add or subtract to it. So we take the full verse for what it is. But remember we talked about delighting being a verb and it's an action. And so this is a call for us to delight ourselves in the Lord. Like that's that's a good thing for the Christian to do.
[Aaron] The other thing I think about is, like I said, God doesn't just want us to believe Him and exist with Him. Like, "Okay, great. You believe my son, you got my Word. You wanna be a Christian and you wanna follow me? Cool." No joy.
[Jennifer] End of story.
[Aaron] End of story, no. He wants us to delight.
[Jennifer] Okay, I have to admit this. I love all the little, I call them treasures, that I find in God's Word or when I'm trying to research something that's in His Word and I'm using other resources. I call them treasures because I feel like it opens up my understanding of who God is and what He's doing. And I find it so fascinating. It makes me think of an archeologist,
Archeologist.
how they, and I tell Elliot, I tell all my kids this analogy because I think it's so wonderful, but someone who's digging out in the desert and they come across an old community or village and they are finding all these pieces that are proof, like a vase or a coin whatever that proves life existed in that area from a certain time period. And to them, they've got this little toothbrush in their hand and they're trying not to break whatever's underneath. And they're uncovering this artifact. Like that's how I feel about delighting in the Lord, especially when it comes to His Word. I don't, I just don't-
[Aaron] No, I think that's a good point, 'cause it makes me think of the showbread in the temple. It was 12 fresh loaves of bread and they would stay fresh until they were consumed, even if it was a week. It was like a miracle they would stay fresh. But there was 12 loaves of them, right? And the priests had to eat all of it, they couldn't leave any of it behind, they had to eat every single bit of it. And it's like this picture of-
[Jennifer] I feel like I would be really good at that job.
[Aaron] 'Cause Jesus says, "I'm the bread of life."
[Jennifer] I like bread.
[Aaron] And then Jesus says to the devil, He says, "Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." We live on that bread. We wanna consume all of it. And that's another thing we're delighting in the Lord. Oh and also if you think about it, that bread probably was delicious.
Yeah that's what I'm saying.
Like warm, gooey bread, delicious bread and tastes delicious. And that's what the Lord's Word is. So on that idea in Psalm 1 starting in verse one it says, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law, he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither. In all that He does, He prospers."
[Jennifer] I love that verse.
[Aaron] Yeah, God's law, God's Word, the law of Spirit, the law of truth, we delight in it.
[Jennifer] And it benefits us because I love this picture being a tree planted by streams of water. You have everything that you would need to be fruitful, to prosper, to do what you were supposed to do, to do what you were created to do, and so yeah.
[Aaron] So I have a question for you, and this may be rhetorical. Maybe everyone knows the answer. But maybe someone listening doesn't. Can you delight in the Lord and not delight in His Word?
[Jennifer] Do you want me to answer that?
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] I was waiting for everyone else to chime in, jeez. I think you can delight in the Lord. I mean, just based off of the one Scripture that we read earlier from Romans 1:20, when we talked about being out in nature and seeing His creation, I think that there's times that you can delight in the Lord.
[Aaron] Apart from His Word.
[Jennifer] Apart from His Word.
[Aaron] But can you delight in Him and not delight in His Word?
[Jennifer] Well, I would add to that by saying that-
Like "I don't like His word, I don't love His word."
No, you would have to delight in His Word because it says that Jesus is the Word. And you brought up the showbread and how Jesus is the bread of life.
You nailed it.
[Aaron] I don't think we can separate our love of the Lord, our delight in Him, from loving and delighting in His Word. So if we wanna delight in the Lord, we must also delight in His words, what He says, what He speaks, what He's written down for us. And that's how we get to know Him.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
That's it.
I just put some practical things here for delighting in the Lord and that's the first one is just getting in His Word, reading it, being...
Nailed it.
[Jennifer] Well, that's how we're encouraged as Christians in our faith. And I also put the word explore it. And I mentioned earlier about getting into a word study or looking up the Hebrew or the Greek or the root word or whatever's gonna help you define and understand and uncover the meaning of the word. Not that we need anything extra because God's Word is perfect, but all of those extra resources do help in my opinion to bring clarity and just treasure.
[Aaron] Yeah, use those cross references in your Bible. Those have been a huge blessing to us. When you find out how a verse is connected to another verse, you're like, whoa, that's really awesome. Another way practically to delight in the Lord is through praise and worship.
[Jennifer] Yep.
[Aaron] Just singing songs of joy in Scripture and doing it with other people also. How often do we just have worship music playing in the background?
[Jennifer] Yeah, if you guys need to know some good go-to, Shane & Shane is so good.
[Aaron] I love Shane & Shane, yeah.
[Jennifer] Are there other ones that you wanna share?
[Aaron] I've been really enjoying Red Rocks Worship.
[Jennifer] Okay.
[Aaron] Yeah. But yeah, just singing to the Lord.
[Jennifer] Talking and discussing the Scriptures with others, whether it be your spouse or another family member or friend, sometimes just sharing the things that you're learning about can be a huge encouragement to our faith. But it's also delighting in the Lord because you're sharing something you're learning about with someone you love.
[Aaron] Sharing about what God's doing in your life, how He's blessed you, how He's taught you, how He's led you, protected you. Those kinds of things, those bring glory to God. They bolster your heart. They actually bolster the person listening. Those testimonies is adoration.
[Jennifer] Another thing is being impacted by His great design of creation. And we kind of talked about that when we were talking about stargazing, but this is another reason why I just love gardening, the gardening season, because you're out there and you've got the warm sunshine on your back and you're pulling those weeds. And then you look down and see a huge red strawberry. And you're just like amazed that this thing looks so perfect. And then your kid comes up and snatches it and takes a big bite and they've got juice running down their face. And then they offer you the other half and you taste it and it's just so tasty. We get to delight in the things that God has created.
[Aaron] And I'd say your gardening. You've had some really awesome revelations through it with your own relationship with God.
[Jennifer] Yeah. Especially about pruning.
[Aaron] Yeah, pruning and weeds and growth. Awesome things to be able to put our hands in the soil and think of God.
[Jennifer] Another really random one is I know Aaron, you already brought up worship, but something that I love to do is I've been rocking babies for a while, rocking babies to sleep.
[Aaron] A little while.
[Jennifer] Like eight years.
[Aaron] Straight.
[Jennifer] And on nights that it just seems a little bit harder and it's dark and I'm holding this upset baby, and they're starting to calm down, I'll start singing spontaneous prayers or saying spontaneous things for my adoration for God. And I love those times. They're so memorable to me as a mother to be able to hold a child and relate your heart as the child to God, your Father. It makes my whole heart just melt and surrender before Him.
[Aaron] So there's infinitely more to say, I would imagine, about delighting in the Lord. So I would just encourage our listeners to dig in and just figure out what it means in their life to delight in the Lord, delight in His salvation, in His works, in where He's led them, what He's done for them. But what are some thoughts on delighting in our spouse? 'Cause they're probably similar but different, right?
[Jennifer] Yeah. Well, we just spent a couple of days at the coast for a few days and I love it because we live inland now, so we don't get to the coast very often. When we lived in California, it was a much shorter drive.
[Aaron] And we can get there in like 50 minutes with the traffic and 30 minutes with no traffic.
[Jennifer] So now it's like once or twice a year we get to the coast and it always makes a huge impact on my heart. Standing before the ocean, it reminds you how small you are. But it becomes a really great backdrop for those moments of just being together, delighting in you, Aaron, and participating in life together. I don't know, I just thought about that.
[Aaron] We always love little adventures.
[Jennifer] Yeah, no agenda.
[Aaron] You probably have heard an endless, if you've listened to our podcast for any length of time, we do a lot of adventures. We just like being with the family, going for walks, going to the coast. And so being together, doing those different things. We work from home, so we're in the home a lot. So being out of the home is fun. It's different.
Yeah, one of the other examples I put down here is just, we do this little hike at Sawyer Park where it's along the river bed and our kids love to throw rocks in it. And just spending that time, I don't know if I talked over you when you were talking, but I used the word no agenda, and I love those moments because it gives me time to see you and see our children in God's light, and-
[Aaron] And watch me kick my foot through the ice into the icy water
Yeah, that was funny.
[Aaron] and have a soaking wet foot.
[Jennifer] Which just happened recently. I posted on my Instagram a few weeks ago, a picture of, I think it was from Christmas day, actually. You were climbing on the rocks with the kids.
[Aaron] Yeah, that was the day I kicked that ice.
It was a really cool picture. And I remember just standing, the reason I took the picture was 'cause I was just standing there and looking at you guys and just being so grateful for you. And even though you weren't right there next to me, I just, I was delighting in you.
[Aaron] You were...
[Jennifer] I was enjoying it.
[Aaron] Enjoying from a distance.
[Jennifer] Yes. I remember another time where before we had kids, we ran up to the back hill on my mom's house, 'cause it kind of overlooked our town, and I remember the sky was just blown up with r. Orange, pink, purple, blue. Bright on one side, super dark on another because there was a storm rolling in. And we just sat there and kinda did a 360 slowly, just looking at all of it, just amazed by it. Do you remember that?
[Aaron] Mm-hm.
[Jennifer] That was cool.
[Aaron] Other times of us just delighting in each other is we have these hammock swings, you sit in them. It's not a lay down hammock, it's a sitting hammock.
[Jennifer] Been a big hit.
[Aaron] We love them. They're better than regular hammocks I think. But we can just sit and we're swinging back and forth, sometimes in tandem, sometimes opposites, just talking with each other, watching our kids play in the backyard. More so in the summer. Right now it's a little cold and I have the hammock swings put away. Sitting and just being present with each other, talking about whatever, whatever's going on in life, good things, bad things, the children, ideas. Oh, thinking of ideas one of the things that we probably talk about the most is just whimsical dream ideas that we have.
[Jennifer] Like starting a donut shop.
[Aaron] Or inventing a silent podcast chair. You're like, "We should do that, we should invent a silent, we'll make it so it doesn't..." We have these little dream talks about things that will most likely never happen but they're fun to talk about.
[Jennifer] So another way that we delight in each other which every couple listening should be delighting in each other in this way is...
[Aaron] Tickle fights.
[Jennifer] No, that's not what I was gonna say. Is being intimate with each other.
[Aaron] That is the next note! Tickle fights! It's physical.
[Jennifer] Yeah, being physical-
[Aaron] It might start with a tickle fight.
[Jennifer] Yeah, being physical with each other and here's the warning is when you're not delighting in each other physically-
[Aaron] It affects everything.
[Jennifer] It affects everything, it really does.
[Aaron] So we challenge you to physically delight in each other.
[Jennifer] I know we use the word-
[Aaron] This is the PG version.
[Jennifer] Yeah. I know we use the word being spontaneous or doing spontaneous things together, but even if it's scheduled, like date night, our date nights are scheduled, that's delighting in each other. I love, especially now that-
[Aaron] We look forward to them.
[Jennifer] We look forward to it because we have a house full of kids who are very young and needy, and so for us date night is our time to delight in one another.
[Aaron] And the way we've dealt with it when we can't go out is we tell our kids, "Kids, you have to go to bed and you have to stay in bed 'cause me and mommy have a date night tonight."
Yeah, in our room.
In our bedroom.
[Jennifer] That's cute. Oh, speaking of serendipitous, serendipity.
[Aaron] I like that word.
[Jennifer] Do you remember we went-
To Serendipity in New York.
Yeah, in New York.
[Jennifer] There's this little-
[Aaron] It's probably closed down now.
[Jennifer] I don't know, there's this little restaurant, and this is probably our fourth or fifth year of marriage, but there's-
There was a movie about it.
[Jennifer] Yeah, but I think the restaurant existed before then.
[Aaron] Yeah, I think they made a movie
Based on it?
called "Serendipity." I think it was about the restaurant. I could be wrong.
[Jennifer] Anyways, we went to that little place.
[Aaron] It was a cute place.
[Jennifer] It was so cute.
It was fun.
It was super fun.
[Aaron] We got frozen hot chocolate.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
Right?
Yep.
[Aaron] That was years ago. Oh my goodness.
[Jennifer] Okay, so we've been talking about a lot of good, fun memories about how we've spent our time delighting in one another. So follow me on this. I'm gonna list, not in full detail, but just some moments we've shared together that I feel like we really delighted in each other, but those moments came really-
[Aaron] They were tightly knit with hardship.
Tightly knit with hardship. So, okay, so unpacking for our honeymoon. So we get to our honeymoon spot and we're super excited, up in the hills in Julian, California, but then not being able to consummate our marriage. So all this energy, excitement, hope, love, just togetherness.
And it didn't work.
[Jennifer] We jumped in bed together. I think we might've even watched something on TV, I don't remember, but that night just being so brokenhearted and disappointed and frustrated over the fact that we experienced pain in that coming together and it didn't work. Okay, so that's one memory. Another one was sitting at the end of the dock in Malawi on that lake. There was like a gazebo thing over us.
[Aaron] What was that lake called?
[Jennifer] It was Lake Malawi.
[Aaron] Lake Malawi, yeah, it's long. 365 miles along, yeah?
The water was super clear, and there was rful fish swimming all underneath us. And I remember just sitting there, it was a warm day, and we talked a lot, but we also just sat quietly a lot.
[Aaron] And we'd been out for a couple months, three months now.
[Jennifer] Doing missionary work.
[Aaron] And so we were tired and emotionally drained.
Super tired. But it was still good just to be there. I remember that being such a pivotal point in our marriage for some of the things that we're talking about. And then shortly after that, like hours later-
[Aaron] I rolled our truck.
[Jennifer] Oh yeah.
Like flipped it upside-down.
That was crazy and life-changing and hard.
[Aaron] Everyone lived.
[Jennifer] Okay, do remember the time that we were visiting my aunt in Connecticut and we were in her backyard and she had a hammock off in the distance and we went and sat on it together 'cause it was just a spin day and we wanted to have fun?
[Aaron] And we were childless, it was just me and you. And we sat in the hammock.
It was our first year of marriage.
Yeah.
And it broke?
[Aaron] We fell straight to the ground.
[Jennifer] That's not as dramatic or hard, but it's just funny that we're experiencing this nice, delightful time together and then... Okay, one more. Okay, I remember we-
[Aaron] In our apartment.
[Jennifer] a few years married, no kids, in our apartment, and we had this fireplace. And I love the ambiance of a fire.
[Aaron] And this wasn't a gas fireplace.
No, it was like
I was like a real wood burning
you build a fire.
[Aaron] fireplace, yeah.
[Jennifer] And we had been putting it off for a while, but it was a gloomy day and I think I begged you, "Go get some wood, let's make a fire." So you come back and you
Fair enough.
set it all up and it's so perfect and we had a leather couch that my dad had given us, and so we kinda were spooning on it, watching the fire, trying to relax. It's all dark and moody. And then after a few minutes, we're like coughing.
Billowing. The house is just filled a smoke.
[Jennifer] Filled with smoke because something with the chimney flue.
[Aaron] The flue was either clogged or it wasn't open. I didn't know how to do it. Or maybe it wasn't a fireplace anyway.
[Both] I don't know. Okay, so all this to say I think it's important to recognize the value and significance of delighting in each other all throughout marriage because when trials and challenges and hardships come, and they're inevitable, it does require a lot more energy and effort to delight in those moments, which you're not even thinking about 'cause you're thinking about the hardship. But when you're going through hardships, at least for me when I'm going through something hard, I do reminisce about the times that we have shared together, that we have delighted in each other. And the times that I'm not remembering, you remind me. You bring it up.
[Aaron] So practicing delighting in the good times makes it more possible to delight in the hard times.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Good advice.
Right?
Yeah.
[Jennifer] I just thought it'd be fun to bring some of those other ones up, 'cause they were really good memories we had.
[Aaron] So what about delighting in our children? We're almost to the end here and this is a good one because as parents, it should come naturally to just delight in your children, but they're children.
[Jennifer] I think it's a good thing for us to share about because for any of you who are parents, you know the role and responsibility that you have in your child's life to teach them character and just what's right, what's not right. And things get exhausting pretty quickly, but it's constant because they live with you and they're not grown up tomorrow.
[Aaron] And they have 100,000 questions all at once.
[Jennifer] And I think amidst all of the being on guard to teach them and to raise them up to be good men and women, godly men and women, we need to remember to delight in our children, to jump down on the floor and get in their face and smile and-
[Aaron] Enjoy them.
[Jennifer] Enjoy them and experience happiness and appreciation for who they are, our children, not just what they do or don't do or what they understand or don't understand. Because it's not about performance, it's about presence, it's about I'm your mom, I'm your dad.
[Aaron] You're ours.
[Jennifer] You're ours. And we can't do that if our nose is stuck in our phone, or if we're constantly working late hours, or if we are too tired. Parenting requires sacrifice. So even though you're tired, you still need to find a way to delight in them, to sit close with them on your bed or cuddled up on the couch. Staying up late answering their questions.
[Aaron] Yeah, enjoying their stories or their creativity or whatever it is that comes out of them.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Right.
[Jennifer] There's been a couple other times I know in my parenting that I just absolutely love the way that we've chosen to delight in our kids and be present with them. One of them, and I think it's something the kids will remember because we do it every year, but sitting on the back porch during a thunderstorm and we're like scared but we're not, and we're kind of amped up.
[Aaron] On the couches out there, yeah.
[Jennifer] Yeah, in the back. And the storm's just kind of going crazy and it never lasts very long.
[Aaron] The wind in the trees, I love all that stuff.
[Jennifer] It's super fun.
[Aaron] And the kids go,
[Jennifer] Yeah, but we're bundled up and we're holding each other close and we're looking at each other in wonder and amazement and we're just there. I just love it.
[Aaron] Something that I've recently adopted from some friends of ours is dance parties. I'm not doing them as often, but like the other night I just put on some on Spotify kids' dance music. There was no words or anything, it just was like this pop music. And we just started dancing. And Wyatt does this jiggle butt thing when he's dancing, with his legs. It's so funny the way he dances. But Wyatt, Elliot, Truett, Olive, they were all dancing with me. And that was a lot of fun.
[Jennifer] I'll say this about Olive, especially when it's just you and her, like when you'll randomly sway her around like a ballerina, she's delighting in you. It's written all over her face. She's in a happy place.
[Aaron] She just grips my fingers really tightly while I'm spinning her. But that's a lot of fun. She's beautiful when she's dancing like that. I mean, she's always beautiful.
[Jennifer] Another time that we delight in our children is when we're baking together, or making forts, or just being sneaky and giggly and silly at each other, with each other
[Aaron] Another one that's a good... All of these are things that we have to like learn and practice and desire, but this one in particular is getting good at asking questions.. Asking them like, "How's your heart? What's going on? What are some ideas you have? What do you wanna be when you grow up? Why do you wanna be that? That's interesting.
[Jennifer] Leaning in, like if they're at the kitchen table or something, just leaning in and meeting them eye-to-eye and letting them share their hearts with you. Yeah, it's so good.
[Aaron] But guys, just, we wanted to make this episode about just the idea of delight, delighting in the Lord, delighting in your spouse, delighting in your children. And it's an action, it's a verb. Finding the things to delight in, drawing them out, pursuing them, finding them, and delighting in them. And there's plenty if you just have your eyes open for it.
[Jennifer] It's good.
[Aaron] I wanna end on something. It's a fourth point and it's a surprise.
Bonus.
[Aaron] It's a bonus point, yeah. Lastly, the Lord delights in you. Like we're talking who we delight in, delighting in God, but God delights in us. Psalm 35:27 says, "Let those who delight in my righteousness," so this is talking about us delighting in Him, "shout for joy and be glad and say evermore, 'Great is the Lord who delights in the welfare of His servant,'" right? We're servants of God. We're servants of Christ. He delights in that. Proverbs 3:12, "For the Lord reproves him who He loves as a father the son in whom he delights." The Bible calls us children of God if we're in Christ. We're heirs with Christ, right? And so He delights. If He reproves us, that proves that we're His children and that He delights in us because that's what a good father does. Another one, ssians 3:12, "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved." Think about that. So this isn't quite the word delight, but, "holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Something interesting about this verse is the fact that we clothe ourselves with those things because of who we are. We don't clothe ourselves with those things to become holy and beloved. So it says, "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves."
[Jennifer] Like we are holy and beloved.
[Aaron] He loves us. We're beloved by the Father and holy because of Jesus.
[Jennifer] Yeah. So good. One of the verses that I wanted to share was Psalm 149:4. It says, "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people, He adorns the humble with salvation." So again, not that specific word of delight, but pleasure.
Yeah. Which is one of the synonyms.
For the Lord takes pleasure in His, yeah.
[Aaron] Take pleasure in. He delights in us. And the only way that can be possible is because two things. We're made in His image, right? 'Cause He can delight in Himself. He's the Creator. And also because of Christ, His Son with whom He delights, right? So we're in Christ, therefore He delights in us. We're made heirs, we're holy and beloved, we are a holy nation, a priesthood. We're His children that He delights in. And so I just wanted to encourage you with that, that God delights in you. Especially when we're humbled and we're walking in Christ and we have received His Son, He delights in us.
[Jennifer] So our challenge for you this week is to delight in your spouse, delight in the Lord, delight in your children, find those moments where you can get face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and let them know, those people that you love, that you just love them. There's no agenda. It's not because of performance. It's just because of who they are and who created them. And we hope that this episode inspired you in those ways.
[Aaron] Amen.
[Jennifer] So at the end of every episode this season, Aaron let me get away with, no, I had this idea just to encourage everyone to think about things that they're grateful for. And we thought by sharing different things each week that we're grateful for, we'll kick off the conversation. So I'll go first this time. Or, sorry.
[Aaron] I think you went first last time.
[Jennifer] Okay, go ahead.
[Aaron] Yeah, I'll go first. I'm grateful for our friends and our community, the husbands and wives, the men and women that we fellowship with. God has really blessed us and just, we love them, they love us, they are real with us, we know them, they walk with us, they cry with us, they laugh with us. Just I'm incredibly blessed, we're incredibly blessed by the people that we walk with.
[Jennifer] That's awesome and I could just say ditto. No?
[Aaron] No, you have a better one.
[Jennifer] Okay, I'm grateful for the time that you give me. I feel like our whole marriage you've been so attentive to my needs in this way. So early in our marriage, it was doing art projects and just getting time away to be creative. Then when we moved, when we got married and moved, it was time with family. So getting plane tickets back to California or finding a way to meet up with them somewhere, or them coming to us and just giving us that space to have family time. Then there was a season of writing.
[Aaron] Yeah, like last eight years.
[Jennifer] Yeah. Writing books or working on Unveiled Wife stuff. Now it's like a weekly thing where every Friday you give me time to work or make appointments or whatever I need to do on that day.
Meet with women, yeah.
[Jennifer] Meet with friends, yeah. So I really appreciate that, Aaron, and I think it's a really beautiful thing that you've given me over our marriage.
[Aaron] Thank you. I love you.
So thank you. I love you.
[Aaron] So we wanna encourage you out there listening to say what you're grateful for, to share it with someone, share with your spouse as you delight in them, share it with the Lord. And let's just be grateful this year. So as usual, we're gonna end in prayer and I hope you all join me. Dear Lord, we praise you and we thank you, for you are good and your love endures forever. Thank you for our marriages. We pray we would delight in you and delight in each other every day. We pray we would find creative ways to express our love and creative ways to spend our time together. We give you our anxious thoughts, our worries, our stresses, and ask that you would fill us with your peace. Lead us beside still waters. Lord, help us to be content. We pray we would delight in you more, individually and as a couple. We pray our souls would be satisfied just to sit in your presence and worship you. Please continue to strengthen our marriages. Give us eyes to see one another's needs and how to help meet those needs. Draw our hearts close together and closer to you. In Jesus' name, amen. We love you all. If you have time, please leave a review, a star rating. And also you guys are our share warriors. Would you share this episode in a Facebook post, in a Twitter post, in an Instagram post, in an email, a text message? However you're going to do that, would you just please share this episode? We love you all and we'll see you next week.m Connect With Us
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| 03 Apr 2025 | Protecting Children from Pornography, Training Kids for Digital Integrity, Creating a Safe Home - w/ John-Michael Bout | 00:49:22 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews John-Michael Bout, executive director of Into the Light Ministries and father of three. Drawing from his personal journey of addiction that began at age eight and his eventual freedom through accountability and community, John-Michael shares powerful insights about equipping families to navigate biblical sexuality in an increasingly explicit digital world. His ministry creates free resources that help parents protect their children while training them to develop spiritual integrity and discernment. In this eye-opening conversation, we explore:
Whether you're a parent concerned about protecting your children, a spouse supporting a partner through recovery, or someone personally struggling with pornography, this conversation offers biblical wisdom, practical tools, and hope for building a home of integrity and freedom. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with John-Michael Bout:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, John-Michael Bout, Into the Light Ministries, pornography, biblical sexuality, parenting resources, digital integrity, family protection, children's discipleship, technology safeguards, sexual purity, Christian parenting, media discernment, spiritual formation Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 01 Sep 2022 | Keeping Marriage Strong During Life Transitions | 00:42:50 | |
In Todays episode we are going to talk about life transitions, unexpected circumstances, and how we can keep our marriage strong during high-stress seasons.This Episode is brought to you by The Unveiled Wife This is our first traditionally published book and in it we share those first four years of our marriage. It was definitely a strenuous and difficult time of our lives, one of our biggest transitions as we share the details of getting married … and what we faced was definitely unexpected. So in sharing about life transitions in todays episode we also wanted to give a shout out to this book as it dives deep into how we handled it all and how God led our hearts through those tough times. You can get The Unveiled Wife on Amazon.com Transcript:- Hi, and welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast. - We're your hosts, Aaron and Jennifer Smith. - We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast. - We love God and we love marriage. - And we love to be honest about it all. - Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. - So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage. - Especially in light of the gospel. - We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you laugh. - But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together. - This is "Marriage After God." - Well, we are actually doing this. - We're back! - We're recording an episode. - Yeah we are. It's been a long time. - I always think it's funny, the moment we start recording, stuff happens. - The doorbell rings. - And then we have two UPS drivers. I don't know why it took two for dropping off this little tiny package. - Or kids come in, "What are you doing in there?" - It's just funny. 'Cause we're like trying to psych ourselves up to do this after not doing it for so long. - But are you nervous, Aaron? - Oh, yes. - I am. - But, speaking of how long it's taken us to get this new season out, this episode is kind of about that. - Yep. So in today's episode, we're gonna be talking about life transitions, unexpected circumstances, and keeping our marriage strong during those high stress seasons. And speaking of life transitions, we wanted to let you guys know that today's episode is sponsored by my first book, "The Unveiled Wife." This is our first four years of our marriage story. So we're talking about that transition from being single to married and just the difficulty- - And all the hard things that happened. - Yep. Yep, it was a stressful time for us and we, in the book, share how God led us through that. - And what I love about the book is it's got your beautiful face right on the cover. - Thank you. - It's like memorializing you. I love it. Anyways, you should pick up a copy of "The Unveiled Wife." It's available on amazon.com or on our site shop.marriageaftergod.com. So, this week's topic is on life transitions. Everyone has life transitions and we go through them. All throughout our life, there's gonna be all sorts of different seasons in our life where we have to transition from one season to the next. - And I feel like, I mean I could be wrong but I feel like just everybody lately has been in really big life transitions. - Uh yeah. - People we know, people I see on social media. I just keep hearing this kind of same phrase, life transition, over and over again. So we know a little bit about this from this last year and we thought we'd kind of use today's episode to recap where we've been, what we're doing. - Our last episode for the "Marriage After God" podcast was over a year and a half ago. - That's crazy. Like, where does time go? - Which is, way longer than we expected. Because when we took our break, we were like, oh you know, we're gonna come back in the fall or like whatever the next- We were gonna just do another season. And that didn't happen. - But there have been so many times that we thought we were on the cusp of, okay, here we are, we're gonna start up again. And I think we even let people know on social media, "We're coming back" and then something got in the way and we weren't able to. - Yeah, and so the thing is we kind of started something that kind of got in the way of the podcast. Which is okay, 'cause things do happen. Seasons come, transitions happen. And what was that thing that we were doing? - So we decided to build a house, which is a really cool- - And big. - Investment and way to move forward with our family and our life and- - Especially having five kids, now we wanted something a little bit larger, so we were like, hey, why don't we build and let's get out of town? And so we moved south farther away from the city and built something. That's been a big deal for us. It's been over a year of us doing this and we finally just moved in actually. Which is awesome! But that, being between homes, which is why we haven't recorded the episodes for the podcast. - Well, all of our stuff was packed away in boxes and, seriously, the moment that podcast box came out and we started unboxing it, we both got super excited of the potential. Okay, how long is this gonna take? Let's start setting up now. - Yeah, so we kind of got the table set up, we got our spot in the room set up, and we were like, okay, let's start planning. And that's what we've been doing. - So for all of you who have been following along on social media and seeing those couple of times we said, "Hey, we're gonna start," and then it stalled, sorry, we're so sorry. But here we are. - We love you. Thank you for waiting. - We're here, we're so excited about this season. And we've had a lot of fun brainstorming, trying to figure out what can we bring, for your guys' sake to enjoy this podcast and to learn some stuff along the way, learn stuff about us, but also just take what we share and apply it to your marriage or evaluate where you're at in your relationship with your spouse and say, "God, what do you want? What do you want from us?" - Well, and what I'm excited about with this episode is, we kind of wanted everyone listening just to know that things happen. Like we can have all of these expectations for ourselves or these plans, we can kind of want something for ourselves and for others, something that's good. And just sometimes things get in the way and that's okay. It was hard for us 'cause there was many times we were like, man, we were on such a momentum, we were having such a momentum, we were excited about it and just, we couldn't do it. And so now we're excited to do it again. And we hope that you're encouraged by us starting back up and showing that even though you don't do what you want, you can get back up and you can try, try, and try again. Is that a song or something like that? Sorry. - Okay, so in getting them excited about what they might hear along the way, why don't you share what we've brainstormed for them? - We have some topics. We have some topics on money and even cryptocurrency, 'cause that's a thing now and everyone's into it. I'm into it. - You just went straight for that, huh? - I did, yeah. - You just want them to get super excited, okay. So we're gonna talk about money, inflation, all these different things that affect marriage, okay. - Yeah, our journey with pornography or against it, I should say. - Where we were and where we are today. - Yeah, and how to slow down when life feels so fast, which is another thing that we've felt. We have kids just growing up really fast and it feels too fast actually. And then an episode, we actually got this topic from someone from the audience, about past baggage, things from our past and how it affects us. And there's many topics like that. - Just a reminder for all of you listening that we don't come with all this authority in all these areas. This is just things that we've learned along the way that we wanted to kinda just talk about with you guys. And so it's not like a how to do X, Y, Z for a perfect marriage. It's more just like, here's what's going on and here's what we've learned or here's what we're struggling with. - Can I say something funny about that? Whenever someone asks me, "Hey, what do you do for a living?" I'm always like, "Uh, well my wife and I write books and we encourage people in their marriages and their faith." And they're like, "Oh marriage, huh?" And I immediately have to tell them like, "Well, we're not like marriage experts or anything." - Yeah! - We use marriage as a way of encouraging people. We just like to share what God's doing in our life. But what you're saying is true, we're not coming as marriage experts. We're coming to just share what God's doing in our marriage. We believe that God loves marriage and we like to use our marriage as a catalyst to encourage people to grow closer to God and to their spouse. - Definitely. - And get in the Word of God. And so, that's what we do. - Awesome. So I hope you guys can look forward to hanging out with us this next season. We have 12 episodes coming at you. And we also added a cool little feature of a Weekly Challenge. Something that you guys can engage with your spouse with and hopefully we'll have some fun doing it too. - That's gonna be awesome. So this episode, "Keeping marriage strong during life transitions," why does that matter to try and keep your marriage strong during transitions? Is that an opportunity for it to get weaker or to drift apart or for contention to come in? - Well, always. Our flesh is always being tempted and tried, right? When we say transition, we're talking about that process or period of time where life is changing. There's things shifting, there's that space between one another where circumstances come up and we get tried in how we respond to those circumstances. - I also look at it as like, we get seasons of comfort where we kind of we know each other a bit and we have our ways of being, we have our routines, we have our thought processes, and they've just gone parallel with each other. And then in any sort of transition or turmoil, those connections that we have get tested. And it's like, there's this drawing of like, a pulling, a tugging on each other because we get tried in new ways. And so that area of comfort gets totally shaken. And that's where we're trying to encourage in this episode, is what happens in that mix. - So we've been in a huge life transition for the last 10 months and we know that many other people and other families have been through so many different life transitions. Housing moves, across this country moves, job moves, having babies, losing babies through miscarriage, school changes and just so much more. - And some of these shifts may have been like just really small and micro and you don't notice them but over time they build up, and the effects on you and others, and you may be still feeling those effects as well. - Yeah. - And so our heart is to speak into that a little bit, I think. - Also just launching this season, season six of "Marriage After God," we're entering into that transition from summer to fall. So everyone is just feeling that. - Like a seasonal transition? - Yeah. - Episode about transition? - The season of pumpkin spice or bust, right? - I'm not a big fan of pumpkin spice but I know there are people that love it. So if that's your thing, cool. I'm a black coffee guy, so. - I'm like a pumpkin pie or bust. - I could do pumpkin pie. Yeah, and pumpkin spice cake. Okay, so I can do pumpkin spice in some ways but not in my coffee, for sure. - Okay, so our life transition, let's start there. We sold our house last year and moved out in October and had this dream of building a home together, which we thought was going- - Which naively, we thought it was gonna happen way faster. - We thought that that was going to be a lot faster than what happened. And there were some hangups along the way for different reasons. I know one of them was just getting our permit to build took a lot longer than we thought. Lots of hangups from COVID and, you know- - Well then it starts snowing and that just slows everything down. So, it's not like it's anyone's fault. I think there's probably people laughing that are listening that have gone through this process. 'Cause there's always this thing, is like, oh, it's always gonna take longer than you think. - It's always gonna cost more than you thought. - And I'm an idealist and I'm like, no, it's gonna happen faster. And it's gonna be cheaper. Nope. That's exactly what everyone says, longer and more expensive. But, it's fine. - The cool thing about what happened was God just led us through a huge time of being humbled, having to rely on his resources and- - And the church. - The church. - We had friends that invited us in and helped us and were with us along the way. - We also took a little trip with the kids. I say a little but it was like- - It was huge. - Six or seven weeks. And it was really incredible just to have that time together as a family. That was one of the things we planned for and we thought when we were coming back, we'd be coming to a house and that wasn't what happened. And so, having to shift gears in the moment and be okay with that was a big deal to me. I think God taught me a lot about flexibility. - Yeah, so speaking of flexibility, how many houses have we lived in since October? - Yeah, it was over 30. But again, we took that trip and we stayed in Airbnbs, we stayed at parents' houses, we- - Friends' houses, trailer. - Yeah. It's been very interesting, to say the least. - I've actually really enjoyed it. It was long and I did want to be in a house, but it was actually really cool seeing how our kids and how we were able to do it, that flexibility. I think our kids are gonna just look back and be like, oh, we could do anything almost. - I hope so. - I hope they think that. That's not to say it wasn't difficult. That's not to say that we didn't have hard times. That's kind of what we're talking about. But I really enjoyed it, I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't, I know you would. - No, no, no. I'd maybe trade parts of it. - Parts of it, yeah. - But no, it was good. Okay, so what was the hardest part of that whole transition, kind of living nomadically, displaced, not having a solid home, place to call home? - For sure, for me, the hardest part of that 10 months of just not having a single place with all my things where they go with all that stuff was routine and consistency just disappeared. It was gone. Now I probably could have tried harder in the midst of this stuff and kept something. There was times I tried that, but man, I feel like I lost all forward momentum with like exercise and diet and being in the Word and all these things that were just part of my daily routine. I'm having to fight for that again right now. What about you? - I think for me it was, if I put it in simplest terms, the setup and take down of each place we stayed at, even during traveling, it was like I'd go in and- - Yeah, it was rough. - Bring all of our clothes in or whatever we were using, and sometimes it was just a couple of days between places. And so, I felt really exhausted. - That was rough. - Yeah. - Just to go back, one of the things that I really regret dropping the ball on was not being consistent with our family Bible time. And that's something I've been trying to regain again since we've been in the house and even before that, like just working really hard at getting my family back into being in the Word of God every morning as a family. So I'm sad that that happened, it did, but we're working on it. - Something that I noticed between us personally in our marriage was usually we'd have these kind of routine dates where we'd vision cast or share, like, okay, what's on the agenda, what are we working towards, you know, goals? And I noticed that that kind of got put on the back-burner and neither one of us really brought it up for a while. And I think it was just 'cause we both felt super overwhelmed by our circumstance that, like, how could we think about the future without this other major thing happening and being final? - It was almost like we were waiting to get over this hurdle before we recouped that. But you can also look at it like we were on a 10 month date. This was like a one long amazing date. - I'll say this, God put something very specific on our hearts to pursue together at the beginning of the year that we've been diligent to work through. And I'm really excited about that. - Oh I think I know what you're talking about. - It's like the one thing that we were working towards aside from building a home. And I'm really excited to share that with everybody. But maybe we'll leave them hanging there for a minute. Or shall we just tell them? - That's up to you. - Okay, so just today, we turned in our manuscript for our next traditionally published book that I've been wanting to write for so long. I'm so excited about it. - And it comes out in the fall of next year. - Yep, so you guys can look forward to that. Do we wanna share what it is or we'll leave that part out? - Let's leave that part out. - All right. - You'll have to find out in future episodes. - Stick with us through three more seasons. No, I'm just kidding. We'll let you guys in on it soon. - So we talked about things that were hard during that transition this last 10 months, almost a year for us. But, like we do with our kids, we don't always just let them do their lowlights. What's a highlight? What's something that just stands out to you, like, man, that was awesome? - Real quick, if you don't know what Aaron's talking about, we will sit around the dinner table and just ask the kids, "Okay, what was the highlight from today?" And some of them will share a lowlight, but we always encourage the highlight 'cause that's the fun part, that's the praise. This is what makes it all worth it. - It's a gift. Yeah. So I think God showed me just really how flexible our family can be and especially our children. They really encouraged me in this area because I just saw them going, going, going, and like nothing was really affecting them the way that it was affecting me. And so there's a big encouragement there. And I don't know, like I said, at the end of it, I was pretty worn out. But in the midst of it, seeing our flexibility as a family, it was really cool. The other thing that was a super big highlight was that six, seven week trip we were on. I can't remember exactly how long it was but we went from here in Oregon across all the way to South Dakota. We got to see Mount Rushmore. We came down through Ohio and stayed with family, which was really awesome. We made it all the way to Tennessee, which we both have wanted to explore for a while. - We almost went to Florida. - We almost went to Florida and decided- - This is towards the end of the trip and we're like, let's go home. - Yeah, that would have been a lot of driving, which already was. We went through Arkansas, which Elliot was so excited 'cause in his history book we were reading about Crater of the Diamonds. And so we got to stop off there for the kids and- - And we hunted for diamonds. - For hours. - It was fun. - Digging in the dirt. - If you're ever in Arkansas, you should go do that. That was a lot of fun. - We made a stopover in Waco, which I'm sure everybody knows what I'm talking about, but I've always wanted to go see the silos at Magnolia, and so we got to do that. And I also hit up a couple antique stores while we were there. So we just got to do a lot. I feel like everyone in the family got to do something. - What state did we see that battlefield? Was that in- - That was in South Dakota. - That was in South Dakota? That was so cool. We got to see actual history, the historic sites of where battles took place. I had a lot of fun doing that. - Yeah. - For me, my highlight was seeing how simple we can live. 'Cause we did. Literally, all of our stuff was in these storage pods. So, we didn't have anything with us. And that was pretty cool. We didn't have any place to put anything, so we just had everything we could fit in our car. We had some buckets of clothes for the kids. - I didn't buy extra clothes throughout that time because I didn't have anywhere to put them. I'd only had the buckets. - So we had one small suitcase for us and we just did a lot of laundry whenever we washed. - We're actually gonna share in another episode on this idea of living simple. - Yeah, and so that was a lot of- It was really cool. I almost said it was a lot of fun. It wasn't always a lot of fun. - It was different. - We did have a lot of fun. But living simple, it's a pretty cool thing to see how little you need. We didn't need much. We had our car and our kids and I had my wife and we were like, let's go! - Yeah, don't forget me. - We did. - Do you think our marriage remained strong during this time? - I think you should answer that first and then I'll answer second. - Okay. My answer is yes and no. There were definitely times that I broke down emotionally because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wanted to be in a home where I could be where I felt purposeful and doing homeschool the way that I envisioned. And I do wanna just say thank you to you, Aaron, because you were a pillar of encouragement throughout that time, reminding me constantly that we chose this, that this was something that we decided together to make an investment for our family in building a home. And so it rattled a lot of different areas of our life, but you reminded me that we are in it together. And that was really encouraging. - And I have always did it super gently. - Perfectly. - And with self-control and not emotional. No. Yes, I did encourage you. But at the same time, I didn't always do it well. But, we did do it and we made it and we survived. Here we are. I also really quickly just wanna shout out and say thank you to a friend of mine who in the midst of the times I would text her that I was having a hard time, where I need prayer, she asked me this question. She said, "What does God have for you in this?" And I love that question because, if I was ever just thinking about myself or what I wanted, that question comes in and kinda hits you in the face. You're like, oh, wait a minute. This is about him. This is about what his will is for us. And what does he have for me in this? It's definitely not to just complain or grumble or wallow in the emotional side of everything, but it's really to consider what's he teaching me. How is he shaping me? How is he using these circumstances to change my life? - Yeah, what's that old adage? He cares more about our character than he does our comfort. And he uses these opportunities in our life to shape us and mold us. So the question is, do you think our marriage remained strong during this transition? I think our marriage did remain strong. I know you said yes and no, but even when there were emotional breakdowns or discouragement or even regrets, I don't believe those things were evidence of our marriage being weak, but rather a test of our marriage's strength. Because those things come. We as individuals can have weak moments, but those weak moments don't define the entirety of our marriage. So when I look at this, I don't see like, oh, because we didn't perfectly have the right attitude the whole time, we must have been weak. Well, we're in the middle of hard things. We have sometimes hard responses. It doesn't mean that it should be that way, but that happens. - I love your perspective. And I wish it was easier for me to see things that way 'cause I do get stuck in that rut, that way of thinking where- - That you failed or something. - That I failed or something that I didn't do it right. Or here I went through four months and didn't pray like I should have, or been consistent in his Word and didn't respond to the circumstances with perfect attitude- - Perfection, yeah. - Like you said and so I get down on myself. But I love that you are saying this as a testimony of our, strength of our marriage, and how we're able to encourage each other throughout it. - Yeah, times will get hard. Emotions will be high. Regrets will creep in. Fears will manifest. - Yeah. - And this is normal and okay. But if they are walked through with Christ and the Spirit, then those moments of weakness become part of the strength that bonds us. - Yes. - And so, was it always great? Was it always perfect? Was it always peaceful and joyful? No. But I don't see that as evidence of our weakness, as in our marriage being weak. I just see those as normal responses to hard things in life. And it's how we chose to walk those out. That is how we practice that strengthening and that strength that we have. - That's good. Well, what do you think helped our marriage stay strong? Like, what's the practical? What did that look like between us? - You brought it up earlier, remembering that this was something that we wanted and actually looked forward to. There's that verse that talks about counting the cost before you build. Like a builder counts the cost. And we did but it's often it's really hard to actually count the emotional and spiritual cost of something, which is actually more important than the actual financial cost of things, which we should calculate all that. But we chose it, we were like, this is good, this is what we want. This is a good investment. It's gonna be good for our family. It's gonna be long but it's gonna be awesome. But it's so hard to anticipate what the 10 months, 12 months is gonna feel like when you're just looking from your moment in time. So I think just remembering, and like me reminding you and reminding myself, like, well, this is a good thing we're doing. This is gonna benefit our family. And yes, this is hard but it's temporary. And we did want this. We have to remember, we want- This was something that we decided as a family to do. - Yep. - I think that helped us. - Something to add to that list there to what you're saying that I think helped our marriage stay strong is prayer and being able to go to God and say, "Hey, we're feeling weak. Hey, we need help. Hey, this"- - I'd say it's a lot of that. - Yeah, there's ton of prayer. But also friends who saw what we were walking through and supported us in that time in different ways, whether it be prayer or encouragement or letting us stay at their house or just come over and use their shower. And I really appreciated that. I also really appreciated talking to you late at night about how I was feeling and you just listening. Not always having an answer, not always having the ability to fix it, but just being there to comfort one another and support each other in that way. Letting me know that crying is okay. That we shouldn't always cry, right? But- - Yeah, sometimes- - But it's gonna come. - Yeah, it's gonna come. Here's a little tip for you, you husbands out there. I've been trying to practice, I'm not good at this very well because I just wanna give the, here's the answer, here's the fix. But trying to practice saying, like, listening to you in the midst of it and then just saying, "Yeah, that's hard." And then you keep going- - It's called validation. - And then I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah, I totally understand." Which is not easy for me 'cause I may not even understand why it seems hard during that moment specifically. Or I wanna give an answer to that why it's so hard or I wanna give a fix, but I've been trying to practice, "Yeah, that's hard. Yeah, I understand." - You say it sincerely. - I do. Like right now, I'm sounding funny but I have been trying to practice that and it actually helps 'cause then you- The next day you're much better. - Yeah, 'cause I just wanna be heard sometimes. I want you to know what I'm going through. All right. We know that you guys are going through life transitions too and so we wanted to share some verses and scripture that would encourage you today through... - Through your transitions. - Through your transitions. So Aaron, you wanna share the first one? - Yeah, Ecclesiastes. - I only pass that off 'cause I hate saying that, Ecclesiastes. - Ecclesiastes 7:8 through 11, "Better is the end of a thing than it's beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Say not why were the former days better than these, for it is not from wisdom that you ask this. Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun. - Okay, when I read this, it was so convicting! It was so convicting 'cause I, well first, just being patient or being proud, it's like in my flesh, I think I know what's right and what needs to happen and how to get it done, but I'm not patient for those things to come about. Yeah, you want the results now rather than waiting for them, knowing that they will come if you continue on. - Yeah, so in my pride, I'm seeing what needs to happen and what I need for my life to be a certain way, and I get angry when it doesn't happen. And I feel really bad about that. - Or if you can't make it happen. - Yeah. - Usually it's like, I can't get this thing to, ugh! - And then being in that place where you think the former days were better and- - That happened quite a few times. - Even our kids say, "I just wanna go back to the old house." There was one time that they said that and- - It breaks our heart because we also missed the old house. - I know, and I almost wonder if they were saying that because they overheard one of us say it. - Maybe. - Yeah, it's just... Do you remember when I encouraged you? For those listening, there was an encouragement I gave to Jennifer during this season, kind of about this idea of always looking backward and always looking forward, but never looking in front of you, like looking right where you're at. Because often we do this in our flesh. We're constantly looking back. - Which in hindsight you can see very clearly. - Yeah, hindsight makes you think that you had all the answers, because it's in the past. And then we're constantly looking forward to the thing that we're anticipating but what that does is, if you're always living in the past and always looking to the future, then you're never experiencing the now. You're never in it now saying, "Okay Lord, I need the strength now. I need patience now, I need your grace now." So that's something that you can be encouraged with is, if you're constantly looking forward or backward, then you're gonna have a really hard time seeing the now. - And being content in that place where God has you in the present. - And in Ecclesiastes, Solomon says, "The only thing you have is today." Not tomorrow, not yesterday. You have today. So let's take advantage of that. - Amen. This next verse is pretty clear. I don't even know if we need to really explain it, but it's Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." So when your pride does flare up and you do think you know what something should be, being able- - Your understanding. - Yeah, being able to lay that down at the foot of Christ and say, "I'm gonna trust you. If this is what you want me to walk through, I'm gonna trust in you." - What I actually think is funny about this is when we don't trust the Lord with all of our hearts, our understanding is usually, I don't understand. Why is it this way? Why is this happening to me? Which is a telltale sign that we're not trusting in the Lord. Okay Lord, you have a reason. What's going on is your will. I wanna trust you. - Sometimes we can look at life transitions and it can be easy to identify what was hard about that because it's what we complained about or what we focused on the most or what we were- - We felt the most. - What we were frustrated about, yeah. A good thing to practice though in hard life transitions is to take what James tells us to heart. James 1:2 through 3 says, "Count it all joy." - All. - Count it all joy. - Well that all really doesn't mean all. What it really means- - Aaron, stop. - "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." So here's the answer. We go through hard things and the testing of our faith produces steadfastness. We become better. - When we count it all joy. We don't become better when we count it all as suffering or hardship or complaint. But when we counted all joy- - We're able to receive. - Yeah. When we praise God like, okay, thank you for this hard season, teach me what you have for me. Help me in the season. And also what Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about these things, having a- - Wait, wait, wait. How can you think about whatever is pure and lovely and commendable when you are stuck in complaining? - Yeah, this isn't lovely. This is not commendable. This is ugly like, yeah. - So is your encouragement that those going through life transitions and it being hard, look for the things that are commendable or- - That's it. Philippians 4:8 tells us that's what we should be thinking about. There might be things that are hard or ugly in the midst of- - Or that we don't understand. - But what in the midst of it is good? What in the midst of it is lovely and pure and excellent and commendable? And so going back to that idea of, hey, we chose this. - Being thankful for it. - Yeah, okay. That's good and commendable, we chose a good thing. These things are also hard. - What happens if you don't choose it and you're going through a hard life transition? - Well, you're gonna be stuck in the, oh, if you didn't choose the hard transition now- - Because you can't rely on saying, "Well, we chose this." It's just something that's happening. - Well that was just one thing in our situation. That was a good and commendable and pure thing to consider, like, oh, this was a choice we made. And that's okay. If it's something that's being done to you, something that you have no control- - Out of your control. - For which, most transitions in life are out of our control. - I know. - In reality. We still think about what's good and commendable and pure. So it's a heart of thanks and thankfulness and looking for the good in God's will and it saves us from so much heartache and frustration. 'Cause the other way, it just leaves us with heartache and frustration. - I recently had re-posted this next verse on my Insta Stories, but I shared a graphic poster that was done by Scripture Type and it's so beautiful. And so I posted it I think on a Friday, Saturday, and that next Sunday, my friend came up to me and was like, - Oh yeah, so pretty. - Hey, I wanted to give you a heads up before I got here, but don't buy that for yourself 'cause I got it for you. And she gave it to me as a gift and I love it so much. So, if you love your friends, stop their stories and then get good gift ideas from that. Okay. - From things they post. - Here it is, Isaiah 48: "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God's will stand forever." And this is just that encouragement that our circumstances are constantly changing and shifts will occur and happen. What we have now will not always be, but what is faithful? The Lord's Word. And we can trust him and we need to be in the Word to be encouraged by it. - Yeah, I like that 'cause the grass withering, the flower fades, this in essence is- - Seasonal. - Well it's saying that sometimes the good things and the beautiful things that you hold onto- - Will come to an end. - They will come to an end. - Yeah. - But that's okay. Everything's gonna burn away. But the Word of God doesn't. And we can stand on that. And so in these seasons that are hard, husbands encourage your wives with the Word of God, which does not change. Remind them of the truth. And then wives, encourage your husbands with the Word of God, which does not change. And it's true. - Yeah. I admit that during our transition, I was not very good at pouring time into reading God's Word. Because we kept shifting so much, there was just no consistency. And I was dipping in here and there, but it just wasn't the same as what it had been. And I was in this cycle of staying busy, and then tired, busy and then tired, busy and then tired, just waiting for my circumstances to change. I can't implement another routine until this one thing is done. - I'll be better when this happens. - Yeah. And so looking forward and pushing everything off until that happened. And I'm just sharing that with you guys so that you don't do what I did. So just learn from my mistake and know that the number one way you can remain- - Constant. - Constant and- - And steadfast. - And steadfast in a season of life transitions is to be in God's Word and to be in prayer. And feeding your mind and your heart and your spirit with him. - Hm mm. We can't hope to remain strong if we're not feeding. Like if you're working out and you don't have the protein and the carbs and all the things your body needs, you're gonna have atrophy and you're not gonna be able to do it. You'd be too tired. It's the same in our spirit. God wants us to- We don't read his Word to earn anything from God. We do it to gain what comes from reading his Word, which is strength and power and steadfastness and authority and purity and all these things and transformation. - Yeah. Speaking of transformation, I've been going to the gym. I've been having a coach walk me through. - Jennifer's taken on all the things that I used to do. And I'm not doing them now and she is. - I had to jump in and do something for my body. - Proud of her. - Thank you. But remember that perspective that you were sharing earlier about just not wallowing in failure and being able to do the next right thing? Well, I had a conviction when I was learning a new lift. My coach encouraged me, he goes, "You're gonna be doing this thing. And while you're doing it, I'm gonna walk you through areas you can improve, like micro movements." - You love that when people tell you like how you should be better and- - What Aaron is saying is I don't like being told what to do. Okay, ha! I get it. But for the sake of lifting properly, I'm trying to pay attention to everything he's saying but I love that he came and gave me that encouragement first that, what he said was is, "Don't think about how you're doing it wrong. Just listen to me as you go and try and make adjustments to do the right thing." And as he is talking, I'm immediately thinking about God saying this to me about a conviction that I've had about my prayer life, especially during this life transition and being in his Word. And it's like he was saying to me, "Don't wallow in failure that you didn't"- - Do it right. - Do it right throughout this transition but I want you to do the next right thing. I want you to make adjustments. And so I have been taking those steps and I've been feeling so much better, so much closer to the Lord. And so I just wanted to encourage you guys that if you're in a place where you're like, well, I haven't been doing it right, or I see myself as failing, just pick up right now and do the next right thing. Make those adjustments that you need to do. - Hm mm. Yeah, that's really good. I'll leave it at that. - Okay then. - So even though we've been talking about life transitions and how circumstances can shift our lives and our routines up, other words that define transition are growth, development, progress, transformation. Like what you were talking about. We can look at these seasons of our life as negative things or hard things, like, oh, I hate when change comes or this is too hard, I wish we can go back to our comfort that we had. But that's really what a transition is, is going from, you got comfortable- - And now you're not. - Now you're not! - I was gonna say, when I go through life transitions, I don't feel like there's development or progress or transformation. Like you don't feel those things in the midst of it. - No, but if we don't recognize it, we might, as the Bible says, kick against the goads. We're trying to be led a certain way. The idea by being kicking against the goads is that the oxen would have a goad on their heels so that if they kicked to fight against where they're being led, it would hurt them. And it said, "No, you're gonna go where I want you to go." And so we could kick against the goads and then we won't. We'll just remain in our old way of thinking, our old way of being our old comforts. When I think God wants to use everything in our life to grow us and transform us and mature us. - So what you're saying is we need to remain humble and teachable. - Pliable. - And pliable and- - And joyful and count it all- - Count it all joy. - Count it all joy, yeah. - Philippians 3:12 says, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own." And this is the why we do what we do as Christians. This is why we counted all joy. We choose to be faithful and rely on God because Christ has made us his. - And it's not that we've already obtained any of it, but we press forward, we press on to what God has for us. So the perspective we hope to leave with you today is seeing how our life transitions move us toward growth, as we choose to do what is right, as we respond to those circumstances. When we change the way we think about them, we change the way we receive them and walk in them, I think we can- I don't think. We will grow and we'll mature and we'll be better for it. Amen? - Amen. - Weekly Challenge, 'cause this is the end of it. We're gonna do a challenge- - Ding, ding, ding, ding! - This is a new thing. - I feel like we need a little insert of chimes or something. - Some noise. - This week's challenge is to play game together. You might have one already that you can use. You could borrow one from a friend or just go buy it. Hit up Amazon. - If you don't have any games, you should go. 'Cause we've known friends that don't like games. - You don't have to like games to play it- - But you should own some. - You should have some. Okay, so here are just a couple that you could play with just two people. Chess, checkers, Scrabble. Card games, like War. But if you wanna be more active, pickleball is one of my favorite right now. I love pickle ball. - Volleyball is fun too but you need a few more people I think. - Yeah, probably. I mean you could volley but just with the ball. - Oh yeah. - You could play Catch. - That's true. So the challenge this week is get out or in and play a game with your spouse. - It'll be fun, I promise. - So Jennifer, we're gonna keep doing this and we always have done this. Will you close us in prayer? - Yes. Dear Lord, thank you for the transitions of life. Thank you for walking us through different seasons and circumstances to show us areas of our lives you want us to grow in. The varying seasons of life help us to learn to be patient. And they also teach us to be content where we are. Lord, we know transitions and changes will always come. Some may be anticipated and some may be unexpected. Some may even be tragic. But in all these things, please teach us to rely on you, to run to you for our hope and to remain in your Word, to sustain us and strengthen us. We pray for the husband and wife listening right now. We pray you would be their shelter and their strong tower. We pray they would walk in thanksgiving and joy during whatever transitions they're currently going through or about to enter into. Lord, you are so good. We love you and we ask that you would help us to keep in step with your Holy Spirit no matter what life brings. In Jesus' name, amen. - Amen. We love you all and we look forward to having you for our next episode next week. - Thank you for joining us for another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast. - If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends. - Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review? Reviews help to spread the word about our podcast. - Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And you can always check out more of our resources at marriageaftergod.com. - You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram @MarriageAfterGod, @HusbandRevolution and @UnveiledWife. - We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on the "Marriage After God" podcast. ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ Weekly Challenge:Play a game together - you might have it already, you can barrow it from a friend or go buy it! Chess, checkers, scrabble, card games like war, more active pickle ball or horse or catch Prayer:Dear Lord, Thank You for the transitions of life. Thank You for walking us through different seasons and circumstances to show us areas of our lives You want us to grow in. The varying seasons of life help us to learn to be patient and they also teach us to be content where we are. Lord, we know transitions and changes will always come, some may be anticipated and some may be unexpected, some may even be tragic, but in all these things please teach us to rely on You, to run to You for our hope and to remain in Your Word to sustain us and strengthen us. We pray for the husband and wife listening to this right now. We pray You would be their shelter and strong tower. We pray they would walk in thanksgiving and joy during whatever transitions they are currently going through or about to enter into. Lord, You are good. We love You and ask You to help us keep in step with Your Holy Spirit no matter what this life brings. In Jesus’ name AMEN! Connect With Us
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| 25 Sep 2019 | The Return Of Christ | 00:37:46 | |
In this episode, we discuss the return of Christ and how it is to encourage us as believers. Connect With Us
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| 17 Apr 2025 | Mom Fog Syndrome, Reclaiming Joy In Motherhood, Living In The Present Moment - w/ Hannah Keeley | 00:53:40 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Hannah Keeley, "America's #1 Mom Coach" and author of "Mom Fog: 8 Steps to Overcoming Mom Fatigue Syndrome." After finding herself overwhelmed, in debt, and sobbing in a pile of laundry as a young mother, Hannah experienced a profound transformation that led her to develop the Mom Mastery Method™ - an 8-step formula that has helped thousands of mothers radically transform their lives. In this enlightening conversation, we explore:
Whether you're struggling with mom fatigue, feeling overwhelmed by the demands of parenting, or simply wanting to experience more joy in your role as a mother, this conversation offers biblical wisdom and practical steps for breaking free from "Mom Fog" and embracing the beautiful calling of motherhood. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Hannah Keeley:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Hannah Keeley, motherhood, Mom Fog, mom brain, Mom Fatigue Syndrome, Mom Mastery Method, parenting, family life, negative thought patterns, screen time, present moment, biblical parenting, joy in motherhood, Christian parenting, overwhelm, mom identity, marriage, self-compassion, biblical truth Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 06 Feb 2024 | We're Back! The power of Words, the loss of my Brother, and whats to come. | 00:32:42 | |
In this episode, we share that we are bringing back video to our podcast! We started out years ago with video but took a break to focus just on audio. Now we're excited to add in some visual elements again. We recap what the start of 2024 has held- grieving my brother's passing, celebrating Jennifer's birthday and our 17th anniversary, and dealing with pipes freezing in our home. It's been an eventful and emotionally challenging start to the year. We then introduce our new 8-week series on the power of words in marriage and life. Recent experiences with grief and observing our kids' speech has reminded us how profoundly impactful the words we speak and believe are. From Genesis to John, the Bible is full of examples of how words create, encourage, transform and heal. We want to study Scripture on the tongue and learn to steward our words well. Main Topics:
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Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 11 Jul 2018 | How to Bicker with Your Spouse | 00:27:27 | |
Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today. Thousands of couples have already started. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle At the beginning of this episode, we share our favorite tips on how to bicker with your spouse. Of course, we are playing and the real intention of this episode is to identify why married couples fight and bicker and to help you learn how to stop bickering in a biblical way. -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 22 Jun 2023 | Navigating a Sexless Marriage: Advice and Hope for Couples | 00:55:31 | |
Support this podcast, Become a Patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron or buy one of our many marriage resources: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com In this episode, we open up about our personal struggle with a sexless marriage, something we grappled with for many years. We delve into our journey, discuss the common causes of a sexless marriage, and provide potential solutions that helped us and may help other couples too. While each couple's experience is unique, we hope our story provides guidance and hope to those facing a similar situation. Key Points Discussed:
Prayer: Dear Lord, Thank you for the special gift of sex in marriage. We appreciate the way you designed to experience being one flesh in a physical way. We pray we would continually pursue one another and posture our hearts to be inviting and ready and willing to embrace each other. We pray over our marriage and specifically our sex in marriage that we would be blessed and fulfilled. Please help us to love one another and meet each others needs. We pray when we come together; it would be a positive experience. In Jesus’ name AMEN!
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 15 Dec 2022 | 16 Best Pieces Of Marriage Advice Every Couple Needs To Hear From 16 Years Of Marriage | 00:55:24 | |
January 6th, 2023, will be our 16th Wedding Anniversary. And with that, we wanted to share 16 of the best pieces of marriage advice and marriage tips we have learned along the way. These pieces of marriage advice have revolutionized our marriage in many ways, and some of them even played a large part in saving our marriage from divorce. Please let us know which piece of advice was your favorite by leaving us a podcast review. A summary of our marriage tips.
PRAYER FOR YOUR MARRIAGE Dear Lord, Thank You for our marriage. Thank You for the opportunities you give us every day to love each other well. We pray we would be wise couples who cling to truth. We pray we would listen to sound marriage advice and apply it. We pray you would continue to mature us and shape our marriage relationship. Increase our ability to love and be known by each other. When fear or doubt creeps into our minds, we pray Your truth will cover us with peace. Please use our marriage to bless each other and use us as a team to bring you glory as we support and encourage other marriages around us. In Jesus’ name AMEN!
READ TRANSCRIPT Jennifer (00:09): Hi, and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (00:12): We're your hosts Aaron Jennifer Smith.
Jennifer (00:13): We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast.
Aaron (00:18): We love God and we love marriage,
Jennifer (00:20): And we love to be honest about it
Aaron (00:21): All. Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. So
Jennifer (00:26): Our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage,
Aaron (00:30): Especially in light of the gospel.
Jennifer (00:32): We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you
Aaron (00:35): Laugh. But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together.
Jennifer (00:39): This is after God.
Aaron (00:47): Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage After God podcast. I'm Aaron Smith. I'm
Jennifer (00:52): Jennifer . I'm Jennifer.
Aaron (00:55): I'm
Jennifer (00:56): Jennifer. I'm Jennifer. Now. I don't know what my regular is at calling. I'm Jennifer.
Aaron (01:01): And we're back for another episode. Episode 12. This is the last episode of season six.
Jennifer (01:05): We made it
Aaron (01:08): Thinking Made what? . Well, it's not
Jennifer (01:10): Easy. This is a big deal for Aaron and I jumping back into podcasting. But we love it and we were already starting to talk about what's up for next season, which will come out early spring.
Aaron (01:21): And I'm always like, babe, I wanna get all new equipment. I want to redo our push. She's like, the content's more important. I'm like, . You're right. It's
Jennifer (01:28): True though. They're all agreeing with me right now. They are. Okay. So in today's episode, we are going to share our top 10, just kidding, 16 bits of advice we have learned over the 16 years we've been married.
Aaron (01:42): One, I did one for each
Jennifer (01:43): Year. No, it's great. Okay. It makes sense. I don't know why I said 10. I think it's Cuz most things are like a top 10 Yeah. Thing. But
Aaron (01:51): This is 16. It's even, it's six better,
Jennifer (01:54): Yeah.
Aaron (01:54): 16 years.
Jennifer (01:55): I think I added one at the bottom. So maybe 17.
Aaron (01:59): a bonus.
Jennifer (02:00): It's really how to do all of them. Okay. You'll see. Okay. But before we do that, we must give you our sponsor update. So Aaron and I have written many books, Marriage Resources for You, actually, not even just marriage prayer resources for your son and daughter, for your husband and wife. We have devotionals. We
Aaron (02:25): Are praying for your future husband and future wife,
Jennifer (02:28): For anyone listening that might
Aaron (02:29): Be engaged or know someone engaged.
Jennifer (02:32): We also have some traditionally published books, including The Unveiled Wife, which is the beginning of our marriage story and what God walked us through and marriage after God, which is all about your purpose for your marriage. And the reason I'm telling you all of this is because 2023 is right around the corner. And some people like to start off with a bang and start off with something in their hands to encourage them every day to grow closer to God or grow close, closer to their spouse or to their children. And start off the new year. Right? Start off the new year with something tangible to encourage and inspire and move you forward. Right? So move you forward. Move you forward. No, I said it right. So yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know that there are a handful of resources out there for you, from us. Aaron, why don't you tell them where they can get them.
Aaron (03:23): You can go to shop dot marriage after god.com and you can get all those books that we wrote. These books. Because when we started this ministry started this business, our thought was we didn't want to just create any old product, something to support ourselves. We wanted to actually produce something
Jennifer (03:39): That met a need
Aaron (03:40): That and was meaningful and transformative and purposeful. And that's what we did with these books is we wanted to inspire your prayer life. We wanted to get you into a daily devotional. And we used marriage for the most part as the focus of all that to draw you closer to God and to your spouse. And so if you wanna support this ministry, if you wanna support this podcast go pick up a book and tell someone about it. If you already have our books, we just wanna say thank you because you've there. There's so many people that have gotten our books and have told us what they've meant to them. And we just wanna thank you for that. So if you already do have the book or one of our books, get another one of our books maybe. Or tell someone about 'em a big way to support the ministry as well,
Jennifer (04:23): Or to go another step grab husband and wife after God and tell another couple to get husband and wife after God or get it for them. And then you guys go through it together. And then once a week or once every other week, talk about it. We've
Aaron (04:38): Actually had a lot of marriages start small home groups with our devotionals. And I think that would be an amazing thing to do. Last episode, we talked a lot about getting close with other believers, getting in community. This is a great way to start that. Yeah.
Jennifer (04:54): Because you have a purpose. You have something to work with. To align
Aaron (04:57): With. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that was it. Topic today, 16,
Jennifer (05:03): Moving right along
Aaron (05:04): 16 years and 16 little bits of advice.
Jennifer (05:10): Although when I was going through this list that we've made there was one that came very early on in the marriage that you did not put on here. It's the one that stands out to me. Should we one of these? No, I don't wanna replace any of 'em because it's kind of funny doesn't, not real advice, but maybe it is for some. Oh, what is
Aaron (05:27): It? Just, we'll start off with this.
Jennifer (05:29): It was a newlywed piece of advice. Someone says to us, if you're going to fight naked, oh yeah. Do you remember that? Yes. Somebody really told us this. And
Aaron (05:39): We've had many fights. , naked. I was going to say it. You,
Jennifer (05:44): You're like, don't do it. But is it too much to say that there was a time in the beginning of our marriage where it became a joke? It was a joke. I
Aaron (05:53): Know. It was also serious. So whoever came up with that advice, didn't know how stubborn someone could be. It didn't matter how naked you are, you could be holding on. You're like, no. Okay. Not
Jennifer (06:05): Giving in. Anyways. Hopefully some of you are
Aaron (06:07): Fight naked. Yeah, right now. That's the only advice we got for all of our 16 years.
Jennifer (06:15): It's not what it's It's brought us this far.
Aaron (06:16): It's brought us this far. Guys, .
Jennifer (06:19): All right. On a serious note coming in. Oh yep. Coming in at number one,
Aaron (06:25): number one. And if you have been following us for any length of time, you should know this one. And the first tip, it is
Jennifer (06:35): The most important one.
Aaron (06:37): It is the most important
Jennifer (06:38): One.
Aaron (06:39): Now I beg, should we have put it at the end? Nope. Nope. We're going to just start right off with it. Pray
Jennifer (06:45): A lot, A lot. Exclamation mark.
Aaron (06:48): Yeah. This is not like, thank you Lord for the food, which you should pray for your food. You should thank Lord for your food. I'm saying pray for everything. It should be so common in your marriage that it is not an awkward, weird thing for you. Would you agree?
Jennifer (07:02): Yeah, of course. We have friends of ours who they live outta state, not in our state. And whenever we are in conversation with them, they talk about how they in that week we're knelt down on the floor, face down, crying before the Lord in prayer for each other or for their family. And they had a lot of challenges with just their family and they went through a lot of adoption and stuff with their kids. That was just hard. But I was always encouraged when I heard that their response to it all is prayer, was not just prayer, but they're on their knees, they're face down, praying to the Lord, plea petitioning for his help and support. And then they'd have these wild stories of how God spoke to them or used someone else to encourage them or sent something that they needed and covered things. And it was just, I don't know why that just came to my mind and really inspired me. So I wanted to share
Aaron (08:02): It and not just praying when it's hard. I think that's often where we end up in prayer is we're in a hard thing. But pray for everything. Pray with your kids for the good things. Be vocal in front of your wife and in front of your spouse about the things that are on your heart before the Lord. Some notes I have here is regularly going before God with your spouse, for your spouse helps grow you and your spouse. You get to communicate with each other to God. And something that's really neat about that is when you're pla praying out loud, often your spouse gets to hear things that are in inside your heart that have not come out yet. Things that you're concerned about, things that you care about, things that you wanna lift to the Lord.
Jennifer (08:54): So there's a revealing, a knowing, proc
Aaron (08:57): It. It's exactly what it is. The Bible talks a lot about this being known by God or rather or says knowing God or rather being known by God. It's a powerful thing. So when you're doing this with your spouse, it adds a immensely deep spiritual layer to the knowledge you have of your spouse and with your spouse.
Jennifer (09:18): And the more consistent you do it, the easier it becomes. And I just wanted say that because I think sometimes our flesh gets in the way or it feels uncomfortable to pray together. But the more you practice, the more you do, the easier it does become. And I was just thinking as we were talking about prayer, I was thinking about Edie lately. She's just been jumping on the tail end of anyone's prayer. Thank you God for everything.
Aaron (09:41): Yeah. She wants to pray every time. And I love it. So prayer, pray a lot make it easier. And I don't wanna put another ad, but I'm one of the reasons we wrote 31 prayers for my Husband through one prayers for my wife is to help in this area, is to be a catalyst and inspiration for your prayer life. To inspire the types of things that you could, should be desired to be praying about. Which
Jennifer (10:04): I really like. I really like the subtitle for those books. It's seeing God move in his heart, seeing God move in her heart.
Aaron (10:11): Because you're intentionally looking for God to move. You're like, okay, God, which I love. Yeah, I love that. What's number two?
Jennifer (10:17): Number two,
Aaron (10:18): Tip two, advice two, little snippet.
Jennifer (10:21): Most likely always no . Most likely you are the one who is wrong.
Aaron (10:27): Okay, let me reiterate that. So this only goes for those that are listening. Most likely you are the one who is wrong. Okay. Ouch. Think about it. But both of you're looking at each other right now. No, I'm talking to you when you fight, when you're in an argument whether or not you think you're
Jennifer (10:48): Right. Okay. Even if it's not a fight or an argument, maybe it's a way of doing something like loading the dishwasher.
Aaron (10:54): No, don't throw
Jennifer (10:56): That in. No, no. I'm just saying cuz it's funny because
Aaron (10:58): Usually I'm right when it comes to the
Jennifer (11:00): Dishwasher. Aaron thinks I lo the dishwasher wrong and he comes behind me and fixes it. But I'm being completely honest, I'm not, what I'm saying is
Aaron (11:06): I'm being completely honest. That's an objective thing I can bring, bring someone in and we'll evaluate or ways of, I'm
Jennifer (11:12): Just kidding. I'm just saying it's not always a fighter an argument. Sometimes it's just a way of being or a thought pattern or a habit. You
Aaron (11:18): Know what I mean? Yeah. The advice is specifically in a fight or an argument when there's strife. Strife, yeah. When you're walking in strife, it doesn't even matter if you are right. We're called not to walk in strife. Strife is a flesh response.
Jennifer (11:35): We're called to be peacemakers.
Aaron (11:36): It's sin. So I often, Jennifer and I will be, if we're having a disagreement and I could just feel the Holy Spirit telling me, why are you fighting? Why are you disagree? Why are you filled? Why are you all browed up, Aaron? And I'm like, I'm wrong. I'm wrong.
Jennifer (11:55): Then why does it take you so long to tell me that ? I don't know, Jennifer. I don't know.
Aaron (12:01): But most likely you're the wrong one who's wrong? And here's the benefit of knowing this. If you both think this man, there'll be much less fights. And if there is a argument, it'll be way shorter. Cuz it'll be so much quicker to be like, Hey, I'm so sorry. I'm wrong. Which is a pretty good way to diffuse any bite. True. I'm wrong. Yeah. That's what I've been trying to say,
Jennifer (12:26): . All right. Number three, we are finite limited creatures. Yes we are.
Aaron (12:31): We did a podcast about this, I think in season one.
Jennifer (12:35): I think we've hit it in every season actually in different ways
Aaron (12:38): Because it matters. We forget so quickly how incapable we are of doing everything we want to do. Jennifer, do you have 50 things currently always running through you? The list of your mind always that you wanna do right now? Yes. That you can't do? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Always. We're finite. And the reason this is a good bit of advice for you in your marriage is twofold. If you wife or husband, I'm not going to say who more regularly. They're
Jennifer (13:07): Both wrong. So
Aaron (13:08): Yeah, they're both wrong than better. Have this list of things that you want to do. It doesn't matter what they are. And you don't realize that you can't possibly do all of it either right now or in the near fu future, but yet you pursue 'em. You're going to push your family and your spouse burnout in a way that's unhealthy and impossible to deal with.
Jennifer (13:34): And then you will also meet the devastating effect of unmet expectation and disappointment
Aaron (13:44): Every time. But if you recognize, so a piece of advice that gets attached to this device is if you want something, let's say you wanna learn a new skill. I want to play guitar. Jennifer, you want, you're learning guitar
Jennifer (13:58): When you get a chance, I want to learn guitar. It's one of the things on the list.
Aaron (14:02): It's going to take a sacrifice somewhere else because you can't do that. And everything else you have on your list currently.
Jennifer (14:08): That's true.
Aaron (14:09): Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. And that doesn't mean there's not something on your list that you should get rid of . Because often we fill our time with things that we want to be doing. So if there is something that we wanna do, if there's something that you wanna do with your spouse, then you gotta be real. And you gotta evaluate the things that you're currently doing, the things that you currently fill your time with. And you gotta pick and choose. And that's just a reality is you're a finite limited creature that if you wanna do something over here, then something over there has to give. Yeah. And that's just the reality of
Jennifer (14:42): Life. I watched something and they were talking about how we have all these things that we wanna do and because it's our desire to do them, we do pieces of them here, here, but then we start, we'll never do anything. But we never actually do the things that we want. We never, same thing. It's never completed or brought to, there's no closure in it because we didn't ever do it fully. We just did a piece of it. And then we run ourselves into the ground and we're tired and emotionally spent because we're trying to do a million things at once. And the encouragement was if there's something that you can do everything, maybe not. So just do one everything time as long as you do one thing at a time. And so take the first thing that you really wanna accomplish and just focus on that one thing until it's done. And so maybe that also will help bring perspective into this.
Aaron (15:31): Yeah.
Jennifer (15:32): Point. Good. Yeah.
Aaron (15:34): Okay, number four, tip number four. Something that we learned and currently still have to learn all the time. It's
Jennifer (15:41): Like an everyday thing.
Aaron (15:42): Take the next right step. And what that means is we make a mistake. We said the wrong thing again, we dropped the ball in this area of our marriage, whatever it is, you fill in the blank, you mistepped, right? There's lots of things, what the enemy wants to do, what our flesh wants to do. Sometimes what our spouse says even is like, well you're never going to change. You're just never, you're always going to be at the same. This is who you are.
Jennifer (16:17): Or shut down or run away.
Aaron (16:20): And instead of doing the next right thing, we do another wrong thing. And the advice is when we fall, we stand up and we say, okay, I may not be able to take back that thing that I just did that misstep, but I can at least try and take the next right step. And what it does is it, it's how the believers believers should walk is that we just keep moving forward.
Jennifer (16:49): Is that next right step? Even if we know that it's right, going to feel hard.
Aaron (16:54): Yes. Yeah. Cuz sometimes we have some pretty serious consequences to decisions we make, but we don't want, back when I used to be addicted to certain things and had certain sin habits, one thing would happen and I say, well, I might as well do the next thing because I did that one thing and I convinced myself that I should just keep going. That's taking the next wrong step.
Jennifer (17:21): Justification for
Aaron (17:23): What you do to continuing and sin. So the point is the advice. Don't take that thing you did wrong and make it as an excuse to do another wrong thing.
Jennifer (17:33): So how do you filter through your choices and say, okay, this is the next right step.
Aaron (17:39): So let's say I lied to you, which I don't, but let's say I did. I don't lie again. I say, okay, I lied. I can't take the lie back. I can reveal that I lied. That's the next right thing. I can repent of that lie. That's the next right thing. I can let my wife know that I'm going to not lie to her again. That's the next right thing. I'm going to continue to pray about why I lied and what led me to that lie. That's the next right thing. But not saying something, that's not the next right thing. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to cover it up. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to justify it. That's the next wrong thing. Trying to minimize it. That's the next wrong thing. So just doing the next right thing, even no matter how hard.
Jennifer (18:25): So I feel like you kind of simplified a very intense internal dialogue that one would have after sinning. And so I guess to back it up even further, what place spiritually does a person need to be in to even fill those convictions or understand that process of thought of how you just went through it?
Aaron (18:45): I don't know.
Jennifer (18:46): Because isn't that the most important thing? I think that to know what the right step is,
Aaron (18:50): Well being in the word of God and listening to the Holy Spirit and feeling that conviction from the Lord and just not compounding the wrong things. Because we're going to make mistakes and just know that we're going to make mistakes. But let's not want to make more mistakes because we made right mistakes.
Jennifer (19:10): And allow yourself to enter into that place where you're having a conversation with yourself. Oh man, I just messed up. This is the trajectory I wanna go. This is how to get there instead of avoiding that whole thing because it feels hard. Yeah. Yeah.
Aaron (19:26): What's piece of advice? Number five?
Jennifer (19:28): Number five, you and your spouse are on the same team. This is a good one. And you actually say this out loud, especially when we're going through a hard time or if we are not on the same page about something or mm-hmm. Strife. Yep. They're strife. You're very quick to call out, Hey remember we're on the same team. I've always appreciated that about you.
Aaron (19:49): Sometimes I say it with an attitude.
Jennifer (19:51): Yeah. But you believe it. and it's con, I believe, and it's convincing.
Aaron (19:54): But the power of remembering you're on the same team is, I mean you, everyone's heard the adage divided and conquer. And the Bible even says that a city divided against itself cannot stand a marriage that's divided, cannot stand. If you're constantly thinking, I'm against her, she could. She's against me. We're not on the same page. We're not on the same team. Not going to No, you're not going to win. Yeah. You, you've already lost. Yeah. But you remind yourselves, you're on a team man, that that'll motivate and change every decision you make in your life when you're having, you are having strife, you'll remember, man, I'm angry, but I need to work on how angry I am right now. Cause I don't wanna be angry with my teammate. Yeah. She's my partner, she's my friend, she's my wife.
Jennifer (20:40): And to know that you'll be so ineffective.
Aaron (20:42): Oh yeah. So knowing you're on the same team, it keeps you it safe in spiritual attack. It's a so much a safer place to be. Even when it comes from the attacks from the world, maybe outside relationships who knows? You name it. Being on the same team makes life so much safer, better
Jennifer (21:02): And funner and more powerful, emotionally more stable. Just encouraged.
Aaron (21:06): Yeah. You name it all around.
Jennifer (21:08): All benefit. Good.
Aaron (21:09): Yeah. Oh, especially in parenting. Oh yeah. Oh man. Team, you
Jennifer (21:13): Have to be on
Aaron (21:14): Team. You have to have the same team. Team. Oh man. Okay. Number six, your spouse. Okay, I have to build this up. Your spouse is your type.
Jennifer (21:29): This
Aaron (21:29): Seems
Jennifer (21:29): Obvious. Who you're attracted to.
Aaron (21:31): Yeah. Just, okay
Jennifer (21:35): Explain.
Aaron (21:35): A friend of mine, Ryan Frederick from fierce marriage.com, he wrote an article about this years ago just talking about how your spouse, he talked about his wife being his standard of beauty. Okay. But that goes both ways. Not just attractiveness, but everything. The kind of man that I am, my hobbies, my things that I enjoy, that's your type. There is no other person out. There's not another man out there that is going to fit your type better than I me. And what I'm saying by this is that's how we should see ourselves. There is no other girl out there for me. There is no other type of woman. There is no other standard of beauty. But you are my standard. There is no, so what that does is if I see a beautiful woman out in public, it doesn't matter. I'll be like, oh, that's not my wife. My wife is beautiful.
Jennifer (22:28): Okay. I was just, my question was going to be, is this advice for the person who is thinking,
Aaron (22:37): Well, many
Jennifer (22:38): Different, well, I guess
Aaron (22:39): It's for both many different levels. There could be a lot of discontentment in a marriage of why can't my husband be more like so and
Jennifer (22:46): So? Okay, so comparison.
Aaron (22:48): Why can't my wife be more like, yeah.
Jennifer (22:50): But then there's also the insecurity of one person and how they think their spouse views them. So it's for
Aaron (22:57): Both. And then on a deeper, more sinful level, someone who's unsatisfied in their relationship and is looking mm-hmm. Right. For something else like, oh, I'm not satisfied with this person. They should be something else because there's this other person over here that does this and looks like this and sounds like this and that. But our spouse, Jennifer, are my standard of beauty and everything that a woman is to me and vice versa. I am your standard.
Jennifer (23:24): This which, okay, go ahead. No, you go ahead. I was going to say continually changes because we're changing. We're constantly changing. And so your standard of beauty for me is increases as I increase with mm-hmm. age and knowledge and Oh,
Aaron (23:40): I saw the beauty, speaking of what you just said, sorry, I, my
Jennifer (23:43): Body. Yeah.
Aaron (23:44): I saw the sweetest. It was a post someone did on Insta on Instagram. And it showed this vile person saying how if their wife ever let their themselves go after marriage, he would leave her. But then it goes from that statement to a guy saying, I'm a photographer. And my wife asked me one time that, why don't I edit her pictures of pictures of her, the way I edit other people's pictures. And I was so confused by it. And she says, well, you get rid of all their flaws and you make them look perfect. And he said, and he, he's thinking, he's thinking. He's like, then I realized I don't edit. I don't do that with her because I don't see those flaws. Everything I see in her I see is our history as everything that's happened to her, all the changes are because we have children together and be because, so it's all those things that she sees as flaws I see as symbols of my love for her.
(24:36): Mm-hmm. Is everything that she means to me. Good. And he was crying and I was so good. And that's what made me think of this is that over time we do change. And we don't have a previous standard of like, well you once were this way and you've just lost it. No, you currently are my standard abuse and I love you and I love everything about you. And that doesn't mean that we can't in desire transformation for each other or better men in any areas. But all that to say your spouse is your standard. And as long as we keep that in mind, it actually protects us from a lot of temptations. And also and feeling inadequate. And it goes back to what we talked about last episode, of constantly wanting to affirm our spouse in their beauty, in their character, and all of those things that are good and beautiful and that we love. So
Jennifer (25:25): Good. Yeah. What number are we on? Oh seven. We are both sinners and we both need Jesus every
Aaron (25:33): Day. No, some of us need more Jesus than others. No, that's the point of this is we're both sinners and we both need Jesus. I think a lot of the times we might calculate, I should say, or evaluate our own shortcomings, our own sins. Much more different than we evaluate our spouses. So like, oh yeah, sure, I've done this, but you did this and this and this. Hold
Jennifer (26:02): On, they're going to think I talked to you like that.
Aaron (26:04): No, I'm mimicking some other family, not you at all. So no, I'm not mimicking you, I'm just, but that's kind of what we do. We have this dialogue with ourselves of well sure, cuz no one's going to say they're perfect. Maybe someone does. But sure I have this thing over here. But that thing you do, that's the thing that is more important to focus on. And we're going to pick at that. And again, this doesn't mean that we can't call out sin each other and that we shouldn't do that. But it's seeing clearly,
Jennifer (26:35): I think there's a reality too that of knowing that you are going to mess up, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to fail, you are going to hurt me at times and I'm going to do that too. And there's going to be times that we walk down some hard roads because of choices that we make. And we need to be able to give each other grace. And we can only do do that if we have received grace from Jesus.
Aaron (26:59): And also realizing, man, my wife needs Jesus. I love you and I'm going to pray for you and I wanna give you that grace and mercy that you need cuz that's what I want. And then it goes back to that scripture that where Jesus talks about the plank eye, often we feel like we can see so clearly in our spouse's eyes, the sin that they have without clearly looking inward at our own. And so it helps shape our perspectives of our spouse , when we see clearly of our own. What happened?
Jennifer (27:33): What did I say? No, if I wasn't listening, I'm sorry. Oh, I had this
Aaron (27:39): Man, it must have been real good what I was sharing. I'm just kidding.
Jennifer (27:42): No, but that picture of Oprah where she says you're a winner and they're a winner. We're all winners car for you A coffee . Okay. But I'm like, you're a sinner. I'm a sinner. We're all sinner . Sorry.
Aaron (27:52): It's pretty true. Okay.
Jennifer (27:54): I'm really sorry.
Aaron (27:55): Essentially, it's just No, it's good. It's just shaping our perspectives of each other. Seeing clearly that I am fully capable of working on my own sin and singing inwardly and having a good evaluation and judge so that I can with love and patience, do that for you as well. And that we both knowing, just always remembering we both need Jesus.
Jennifer (28:15): I feel like number eight's kind of the same
Aaron (28:18): Kind of, well we gave a 17th anyway. So this goes into number eight. The gospel heals all
Jennifer (28:29): And always and all the times.
Aaron (28:31): Yes, we need Jesus. I know we were talking about that. But this goes into how we do it. This idea of that we become a gospel centric marriage. That we recognize that in every aspect. So if it comes to our parenting, we need more gospel. We need to know that God's transforming us and we need him to work in us so that we can be good parents.
Jennifer (28:55): And same with our kids. He's transforming them.
Aaron (28:57): They need the gospel also. They need to know that Jesus loves them, that he died for them, that their sins are forgiven and washed away by hit the blood of the cross of Christ. And that we're to belief. And what that means is, so the gospel hills all is that if we operate in our marriage with a workspace mentality, that's not a gospel based mentality. What that means is, until you've done X, until you've done Y, until you've done Z,
Jennifer (29:28): Then I'll love you. Or then I'll do this, then I'll do that.
Aaron (29:31): Well, yeah, whatever it is or yeah, until you've done this, until you've earned it. But that's not how the gospel works. The gospel believe
Jennifer (29:38): Gospel unconditional.
Aaron (29:40): So if we go into our relationships with that mentality, if we go into our marriage with the gospel at the center of it, then we realize what our spouse needs more of as the gospel. What we need more of is the gospel. The reason we have this disagreement is because one of us, or both of us are not believing the gospel. We're believing a lie about something or believing we we're owed something. And so it goes back to like, man, I'm not owed anything. Christ gave everything and I can give nothing.
Jennifer (30:10): We've experienced a lot of situations in our marriage where there's fi, fighting or disagreement and we're just kind of at each other. And then it takes hours of processing and dialogue and well, what about this? And then you said that. But always when it comes back down to the root cause of whatever the thing is, it's always some thing we're wrestling with some lie that we've believed, some insecurity that we have or a sin problem that
Aaron (30:45): We've let
Jennifer (30:47): Permeate into our way of being that came out and disrupted life. And that we've had so many moments where we both have encouraged each other to look toward the gospel. Hey, remember? And part of the reconciliation is believing again, what is true?
Aaron (31:08): So the gospel, number nine,
Jennifer (31:11): Never talk bad about your spouse in front of others, especially to family. Because they don't forget.
Aaron (31:17): They don't,
Jennifer (31:18): I think we forget that in marriage we're constantly having these interactions and things happening and then we get over them. Or we have a moment of reconciliation and things are fleeting and we're with each other. We chose each other. We are in the day, day out of it all. And when we sidestep and have conversations with others, whether it be family or friends or whoever, and we talk about each other in a negative light that forms an opinion in those other people, those listeners, and they don't get the same process of reconciliation of what happened. They're not a part of that intimacy. So then they're just left with it.
Aaron (32:06): Well, and it paints a picture for the person you're talking to. It doesn't portray your spouse as Christ would portray them. And
Jennifer (32:19): It's maybe not even how you see them because it's done in emotional distress.
Aaron (32:25): An example would be like, man, my wife's always nagging me. That's a very negative thing. Let's say your wife is nagging you. This is not how you're going to fix that. Going and talking is telling someone that all you've done is made your wife an enemy and made your person you're talking to think of them as an enemy,
Jennifer (32:44): Left a reputation
Aaron (32:45): Mark. Yeah. You're trying and this is what's, what's so destructive about it. You go do that. Going back to a few tips ago where we're on the same team, all you're doing is tearing your own team apart. All you're doing is making your own team weaker. It doesn't make you look any better. It doesn't make you any stronger. Nothing. All it does is make you weaker. Talking about this. And I wanna make one little caveat. This is not to say that you should never go seek counsel on hard things in your marriage when you go to someone that you trust and that lets
Jennifer (33:17): You, I think people know the difference between how you're talking about someone. Yes,
Aaron (33:21): Yeah, I'm struggling. Yes, this thing happened. I feel like my wife was being mean. Or I feel like my husband said this thing. That's not the same thing as, man, I really don't like so-and-so. Or they always do this y z or I mean, if you've done it, you've done it. And you know what? It sounds like
Jennifer (33:36): There's a very respectful way to talk about a situation that you need help with or prayer for
Aaron (33:41): Versus Yeah. One is, I love my spouse and I want this situation reconciled. The other is, I hate my spouse and I'm going to say this mean thing about them. Those are the two perspectives. So never talk bad about your spouse in front of others, especially to family, which that trickles into number 10. This was a big one. We had to learn early on. It was very difficult. And I know a lot of marriages, this is, people deal with this. This is a big deal to a
Jennifer (34:07): Lot of marriages. This is about boundaries.
Aaron (34:08): This is about boundaries. You and your spouse, this is the advice. You and your spouse are on the inside and everyone else is on the outside.
Jennifer (34:17): Meaning when it comes to friends, anyone who's not your spouse,
Aaron (34:25): That even your kids,
Jennifer (34:27): Your spouse comes first.
Aaron (34:29): Well, you and your spouse are the ones who dictate how your home operates
Jennifer (34:35): Home. No one else. Life, all of it.
Aaron (34:37): My mom does not get to come in and say, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this. She can give advice all she wants. That's all it is.
Jennifer (34:43): I feel like you're saying it kind
Aaron (34:45): Of harsh. I'm sorry, nothing's happened recently. I'm just saying, I'm just trying to be strong with this because there are some people that have allowed other extramarital human beings to
Jennifer (34:55): Have way too much influence in not
Aaron (34:57): Just influence what's going on. They have more say than their spouse does. And it has been, it's destructive. It's completely, utterly destructive. Remember going back to your team, that's not a team. What you've done is you've, you say you're a team and you're bringing in this outsource outside source
Jennifer (35:14): To defend your point or
Aaron (35:16): To be on your side. And that is so destructive. No one, no one, but you and your spouse are in charge of what go with the say that happens in your home and how it
Jennifer (35:28): Operates. So what Aaron's trying to say is it's good to have wise counsel. Absolutely. Advice, encouragement, people sharing things. I mean, we talk about this all the time, how good it is to be in community and have family and friends who can see what's going on in your life and marriage and parenting and to speak into that. But what he's saying is, when it comes to you and your spouse making decisions for your family, that comes from you two being on the same page.
Aaron (35:56): No one else. And so everything else is in unified invited. Yes. Like, hey, we we're going to take your advice that you just gave us and and my wife will evaluate that. So that's number
Jennifer (36:09): 10. All right. Number 11. Have fun more with each other. . Have fun. Have lots of fun. Be silly. Play, laugh, dance. Why?
Aaron (36:20): Because we need fun.
Jennifer (36:23): Our bodies were biologically made to respond to humor. Well and memes. No,
Aaron (36:31): It's so important. If we're not having fun, I think something's wrong. If we're irritable all the time, bored all the time with each other, we don't get excited around each other. There's gotta be changed.
Jennifer (36:46): It sounds like someone needs to play the tortilla game.
Aaron (36:48): We need to do the tortilla slap game. I'm going to do that. But number 11, that's a simple one. We don't have much to go with it. But be playful and go. Going back to what I said a little while ago about don't punish the things you not repeated. Don't punish
Jennifer (37:03): If your spouse is repeat. If your spouse is trying to be fun with you, don't reject it.
Aaron (37:07): Yeah. Be fun back with them. Be more fun back with them. Surprise them. That I would surprise you probably if I played with you cuz you go play with me. That would surprise me. I usually am
Jennifer (37:17): Actually, there have been times where you come up and you're trying to dance with me or be romantic cuz that kind of thing. But I'm so caught off guard. I'm like, what are you doing?
Aaron (37:25): Well you need to work. Workout it too. Yeah, let's have more fun.
Jennifer (37:28): Okay, number 12, I'll do this one. I beat. Yeah,
Aaron (37:31): I will do it. 12. Schedule a consistent date night. This is a big deal. Now this doesn't mean if you aren't even capable of getting a couple dates in a row and that that's not the end of the world.
Jennifer (37:44): Well it's really how you define a date. Cuz you don't have to go out and spend money or do something.
Aaron (37:49): Well, it's an intentional, it's
Jennifer (37:50): Being
Aaron (37:50): Intentional. A long time with your spouse outside of the home. I would say. Yeah, sometimes you can for a walk. Yeah, you can for a walk. But having it consistent, so the moment we put it on the calendar,
Jennifer (37:59): It
Aaron (38:00): Happens. It happens way more than it did when we didn't have it on the calendar.
Jennifer (38:03): It's definitely a game changer when you have kids, when you start having kids,
Aaron (38:07): You gotta schedule that man.
Jennifer (38:08): You
Aaron (38:08): Got to . Like if it ain't scheduled, it ain't happen on. So it also because it's on the calendar, because it's on the front of your mind. Because we know, oh on this day we're going to have day. It actually heightens your excitement.
Jennifer (38:22): You look forward to
Aaron (38:23): It. Yeah. You're like, oh, you have something to look forward to. Midweek or whatever it is. So scheduling it, making it consistent. What it does is it means that, let's say you have a season where you can't be going on those dates, sickness, traveling, whatever it is,
Jennifer (38:38): It's still going to happen.
Aaron (38:39): It's still going to happen. And you're not thinking, I don't remember the last time we went on a date was you're thinking like, oh, I can't wait for the next time we go on a
Jennifer (38:46): Date. Some things we love to utilize dates for, especially cuz we have five kids at home and they're getting older and paying attention to every conversation we have is we like to check in with each other. We like to ask how we're doing. We like to dream together and talk about plans for the future and what's working and what's not working and what goals we
Aaron (39:04): Have. Almost all of the big things we've done in our life were planned over a date. The house we're in Al almost, I'm pretty sure every single book for the most part was planned over some form of date
Jennifer (39:18): Probably. Yeah. I don't know. So
Aaron (39:20): I wasn't keeping track. It's pretty amazing. I know number
Jennifer (39:22): 13, what he is trying to say is amazing. Things happen on date night.
Aaron (39:25): Number 13 is probably going to be a hard one for some people. And I don't know why cuz I'm an extrovert, but have, get, grab, make, cultivate, close, married friends
Jennifer (39:43): In friendship,
Aaron (39:44): Preferably ones who love Jesus. Yeah. This is a non-negotiable people. I can't say it enough. And I know enough people that they will say, I don't have any friends. They will say that almost like it's a trophy. I'm like, that's not a trophy. You need friends. You need people in your life that can come to you and not just you enjoy their company, but they can also tell you when you're being a jerk, they can tell you when, Hey, here's an area in your life you can grow in. And that you could do the same for them. It's such a big deal. I'm not going to, in no small part, in no small way did friends play a role in saving our marriage
Jennifer (40:32): Is true.
Aaron (40:34): Wasn't the only thing, but it was not the small thing. It was the largest portion of the redemption and restoration of our marriage was close. Christian friends. The benefits of it is you're not alone. And again, some introverts are like, what's wrong with being alone? You're not alone. They remind you, you're not alone. They reach
Jennifer (41:04): Out. They support you.
Aaron (41:05): They support you.
Jennifer (41:07): They give you meals when you're sick,
Aaron (41:09): But almost more valuable than those things that they do for you. It makes, it's the ability for you to be a friend, for you to reach out, for you to practice the fruits of the spirit in another person's life. Because often people will say, we've tried and no one will x, Y, z. I'm like, well, are you being the X, y, Z that you want? And a friend the radio station air one always says there's plenty of good nice people or kind people in the world. And if you can't find one, be one. Like be a friend. Be the person you want others to be to you. It's that. That's the golden rule that Jesus teaches is treat others as you'd like to be treated. Have close married friends. This is a non-negotiable you. Your life and marriage will be so much more fruitful and beautiful and powerful and all these good things with good close married Christian friends.
Jennifer (42:14): And then what you wanna do is number 12 and 11. So you wanna take, have more
Aaron (42:19): Fun?
Jennifer (42:20): Do you wanna take those friends? You wanna go on double dates and have more fun together? Yes. Those are some of our favorite dates and memorable moments
Aaron (42:28): Together. 13, 12, 11. Yep.
Jennifer (42:30): All right. Number 14, never stop learning about your spouse. Never stop studying your spouse. Never stop looking into what they're interested in and get to know them. And
Aaron (42:41): This is something that hard for me because I can get so caught up in, not caught up. I'll just say it. Comfortable, lazy. Comfortable. Comfortable. That's so much nicer. Familiar. You familiar?
Jennifer (42:52): You
Aaron (42:53): Know me. I think I know you are. I I almost more just, I forget to ask how are you doing? What are you learning? But the other day I asked you, I said, what are you learning in the word right now? And you're like, you looked at me.
Jennifer (43:06): Well, thank you. I can't.
Aaron (43:09): Wow.
Jennifer (43:09): I think it had been a while.
Aaron (43:10): It had been a while. But you had told me and I trying to remember and I'm trying to, you're growing too. You're even though we're one, you're still a unique individual human being that God's imparting wisdom to and growing and maturing and you're you, you're going through things and you're learning things and you're becoming a older woman. You're not old, but you're becoming an older woman. I'm an older man. You just call me old. No, I said you're not old
Jennifer (43:36): Getting
Aaron (43:37): Old. But that we would practice. This is a skill that we get to learn over the decades.
Jennifer (43:43): Why is it important to know each other in that way? To study each other and to know each other. I'll tell you. Okay. It comes in it handy when you wanna purchase a gift or spoil one another because you already know what that person likes or is interested in. It comes in handy when you're planning date nights or date days because you already know what they've been looking forward to, what they absolutely won't go near. And
Aaron (44:11): It gives you ways of encouraging knowing them. So you're like, man, I wanna be growing in this area. It's something I found out about you. I can be like, Hey, you said you wanna be growing this area. How can I help with that? What's ways I can encourage you?
Jennifer (44:25): I was going to say prayer. If you know them and you're studying them and you can see without them even explaining to you what they're struggling with or where they're finding success in, you can be praying for those areas.
Aaron (44:37): That's real good. Yeah. Keep learning. All right, number 15. All right. This is also a hard one. Could be hard. Learn to forgive quickly. Seriously,
Jennifer (44:52): Go. This one took Aaron years to figure out years and I told him every day, can you
Aaron (44:58): Forgive me? Is something, it's something we're
Jennifer (45:00): All, oh no, I'm sorry. It was saying I'm sorry that that was hard for
Aaron (45:05): You. That's the saying. I'm sorry is hard for, do
Jennifer (45:07): You remember
Aaron (45:07): You forgiving me is what's hard.
Jennifer (45:09): Yeah. I totally messed that one up. Aaron, it took you years to say I'm sorry. Even on the silliest of things, man, I do not miss that.
Aaron (45:19): Well, yeah, that's another podcast episode
Jennifer (45:22): We can talk about. You've grown a lot.
Aaron (45:24): So learning to forgive quickly, I just wanna encourage all you listening to go read everything in the New Testament about forgiveness because the Bible is pretty serious about it. We've done some episodes on it, but the quicker you forgive man, the quicker you're back to being on the same page, the quicker you're back to being on the team
Jennifer (45:42): And don't do what I did. Don't fool yourself by just saying, I forgive. I forgive you. And because when you don't, because then it just kind of buries itself. I
Aaron (45:49): Said, I
Jennifer (45:50): Forgive you. It varies itself. You have to stop talking like that. Like me, you guys. I don't talk to him with attitude like
Aaron (45:55): That. What's funny is they can hear your voice. Your voice is so much prettier than mine. They know that that's not how you sound.
Jennifer (46:01): I hope not. Oh anyways, forgive quickly because it's better for your soul. And there's
Aaron (46:07): Last, but definitely not least. And it's also, this is not an extensive list of all of the wisdom that we might have somehow gained over the years. But last one for us.
Jennifer (46:19): Well, I'm going to share one at the very end, but go
Aaron (46:23): Ahead. We're like at 20. We're not even 20 now. It's like 20. I'm just kidding. Okay, number 16, I'm going to say it and then I'm
Jennifer (46:32): Explain.
Aaron (46:33): I'm going to explain it
Jennifer (46:34): , because it's not straightforward at all.
Aaron (46:36): Have children together. . Okay. Someone's like what?
Jennifer (46:43): Excuse me. What? .
Aaron (46:44): Just listen.
Jennifer (46:45): Have children ra raise children together.
Aaron (46:48): First of all, children are literally the physical manifestation of two becoming one. Okay? It's both our DNAs, both our images, both our personalities and characters. Both our histories becoming into a new creature, a new creation, a new little person. And I just think that's beautiful and I think that's amazing. Okay. Now, if you can't physically have a baby, cuz I know there are people that this has been a long time prayer and a painful area of their life, that they would love to have children, but they can't. I wanna encourage you to pray about adoption. And to be honest, I'm sure you already are, but this doesn't mean you have to have only biological children have children. One of the most powerful and beautiful things about marriage is that it is between a man and woman. The way God designed it, it's a s, it's the word.
(47:47): It's a beautiful, safe Petri dish cultivating little humans that love God. One of the main ministries of a marriage is to when you have children, to raise them to know God, to raise them, to be children who understand the word. And of course trusting the Lord with their salvation, but raising them to know him. Children refine us in a huge way. They refine us. They challenge every aspect of our personality. And faith. And faith. They show us just how selfish we are and make us not be selfish. Children are amazing. They give us an opportunity. This is something that, this was a huge thing. Jennifer mentioned a little bit earlier about how early on in our marriage, we were in this weird place with this idea of having children. But one of the things that God used to capture my heart on this idea of becoming a dad, I prayed and I said, God, I want to be a better teacher and I wanna be able to teach these other marriages about you.
(48:59): I need to know you more. And God pointed out to me, he is like, if you want to know me more, there's a sight of me you'll never know unless you become a father. And that was it. I was like, oh, I need to be a dad. If I wanna know more about God, I need to be a father. That wasn't the only thing, but that was it. That was the thing that just went from me being as selfish. I don't wanna have kids because whatever, to like, no, I want children. No, I didn't know how many or whatever just my heart changed in that moment because I wanted to know more of God. And children give you the opportunity to become more like God the Father, the one who has children and treats us as children. They also give us deep and meaningful ministry like
Jennifer (49:47): Life purpose,
Aaron (49:48): Life purpose. Every
Jennifer (49:49): Day I wake up, I know for a matter of fact I've got little ones that rely on me and I have a purpose to serve
Aaron (49:56): Them. Yeah. You mothers and fathers out there. I'm just going to say this one. The most important ministry you'll ever have in your entire life is your children. Your first ministry is your spouse, your second, and most important is your children. It you're raising, like we can go across the ocean and preach the gospel to people we don't know. That's good. But we have little people living right here in our home that we're with every day. Are we showing them the gospel with our life and the decisions we make and the way we repent and the like. That's amazing. That's huge. And last but not least, about this idea of having children. The Bible, God tells us that children are a blessing from him. They're a blessing. So Jennifer and I, we want you to be blessed. So if you're contemplating having children, if you are desiring to have children, if it's something that's the, you haven't have any yet, but you're thinking about it, we wanna encourage you to be praying that direction because we want you to be blessed. So I wanted to make that thing. I know that there's some people that can't, but there's always adoption. There's also just your heart to be a mother. Your heart to be a mother is such a huge good thing. So we want to encourage you in that and say, God bless you for that. So that's our 16 ish
Jennifer (51:23):
Aaron (51:24): Bits
Jennifer (51:24): Of advice. The last one that I was going to share is really simple, and you can do it with all of these as you implement them, these forms. It's just be nice. Just be nice, be a nice person, be a nice person be kind.
Aaron (51:37): Sorry. Don't be all grumpy all
Jennifer (51:38): The time. Be kind. Yeah, I can hear my, every once in a while my mom comes out to visit and there's moments that Aaron and I have a little bickering or whatever, and I could hear her voice after all these years still say, oh, Jennifer, be nice. She does do, but she says it about my relationship toward you. Like, yeah. Oh, Jennifer, be nice. Sometimes you're not even in the room. She'll whisper it. Oh, Jennifer, be nice. And so it's just a good reminder that we need to be nice to each other in all ways. The way that we communicate the thoughts that we have toward one another all our intention be nice.
Aaron (52:15): Yep. Let's get a little free bonus for you. We won't charge you on that one. Okay.
Jennifer (52:20): Wow, this week's chilling. Oh, go ahead. Just I, it's our last time before the next season and I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for joining us and following along and just supporting this podcast. We love marriage after God. We love the community. We love knowing that there's couples out there who desire to grow and mature and chase boldly after God together. And we just wanted to say we love you guys and we hope that you have an incredible New year and just, I don't know, we we're praying for your marriage and we love you guys.
Aaron (52:56): While you wait for the next season, will you please take some time and go back through the last episodes that maybe you haven't cut up on yet? Check 'em out. We have a lot of episodes now. But also, would you please share our podcast with a friend? Let someone know, someone that you know has a good commute, that likes to listen to the podcast, share with them.
Jennifer (53:16): Lastly, if you feel inspired to share with us some thoughts on topics for next season, you can reach out to us on Instagram at Marriage after God and just shoot us a DM with your topic ideas and we'll be sure to look over those before we start the next season. Start the next season.
Aaron (53:37): Awesome. So weekly challenge. This week, your challenge is to read the Bible together at least three times. Challenge accepted. Yes. Good? Yes. Okay. All right. I'm going to pray. Dear Lord, thank you for our marriage. Thank you for the opportunities you give us every day to love each other. Well, we pray we would be wise couples who clinging to truth. We pray we would listen to sound marriage advice and apply it. We pray you would continue to mature us and shape our marriage relationship, increase our ability to love and be known by each other when fear or doubt creeps into our marriage, we pray your truth will cover us with peace. Please use our marriage to bless each other and use us as a team to bring your glory as we support and encourage other marriages around us. In Jesus' name, amen.
Jennifer (54:27): Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (54:30): If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends.
Jennifer (54:36): Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast?
Aaron (54:41): Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and you can always check out more of our resources@marriageaftergod.com.
Jennifer (54:46): You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at Marriage after God at Husband Revolution, and at Unveiled Wife.
Aaron (54:55): We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on The Marriage After God podcast.
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| 20 Apr 2023 | The Power And Necessity Of Humility In Marriage | 00:43:46 | |
If you have been blessed by our free marriage after god content wed love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron Join us as we delve into the profound impact of humility on relationships, particularly in marriage. We explore the contrasts between pride and humility, the benefits of walking humbly, and share personal anecdotes and insights. Show Notes: Humility and Justice:
The Safety of Humility:
The Draw of Humility:
Apologies and Humor:
Humility vs. Humiliation:
Conclusion: We wrap up the episode with a challenge to the listeners to embrace humility in their relationships. We encourage taking baby steps, sharing thoughts and feelings, and lifting each other up. --- Transcript: Jennifer Smith: Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your host of the Marriage After God Podcast.
Aaron Smith: "With what shall I come before the Lord and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with tens of thousands of rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body, for the sin of my soul? He has told you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:6-8.
Jennifer Smith: Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who has chosen to help financially support this show monthly. And we just wanted to take some time to give a shout-out to the most recent patrons, Rasheda A., Angela B., D. Hartley, and Michelle S. Thank you guys so much for choosing to partner with us in blessing tens of thousands of couples with free daily prayer emails and this weekly podcast. We really appreciate you.
Aaron Smith: If you've been blessed by this free Marriage After God content, we'd love to invite you to join our patron team. Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron.
So, last episode, we announced a giveaway that we were doing to celebrate my 39th birthday, and all you had to do to enter the giveaway was be a part of the patron team. And we're announcing the winner right now. I already sent the books out, actually, but the winner is, for the giveaway, Gina Burelli. Gina, thank you so much for being a part of the faithful patron team. We pray you enjoy the books, and let us know what you think.
Jennifer Smith: Well, welcome back to another episode.
Aaron Smith: Episode 14-
Jennifer Smith: Another day of listening to us.
Aaron Smith: ... of the year.
Jennifer Smith: We weren't ...
Aaron Smith: I think people missed us.
Jennifer Smith: I was going to say, we weren't here last week. We took a little mini spring break. Well, we took a spring break, and then we took a-
Aaron Smith: Took a little spring break when we got back from our spring break because we spent some time in Southern California seeing grandparents.
Jennifer Smith: That was super fun.
Aaron Smith: It was. It was awesome.
Jennifer Smith: It was super fun. The weather was absolutely perfect. It hovered between 65 and 70, even at the beach. It was really great.
Aaron Smith: The weather was perfect. We had a couple of days of rain, but that was also really nice.
Jennifer Smith: It was only two.
Aaron Smith: It was two days, yeah.
Jennifer Smith: Which everyone down there was like, "Oh, you guys just missed almost a month of rain."
Aaron Smith: Months of rain.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah. And because it had rained, everything was green, all the mountains and the hillsides. It was beautiful.
Aaron Smith: When did we move away from there? I was 23-
Jennifer Smith: 10 years ago.
Aaron Smith: ... 25 years old. I don't think I've ever seen it that green in the whole time I've lived there.
Jennifer Smith: It was so beautiful.
Aaron Smith: Going to California, just as a little note for all you all that are listening, when we had one kid, we would sometimes fly.
Jennifer Smith: Even with two, we did.
Aaron Smith: And with two, we did. But now we pretty much drive exclusively. We got our van, and we load it up, and we put snacks and lunches, and we drive-
Jennifer Smith: All day.
Aaron Smith: ... the whole family because there's seven of us. And that's not cheap to fly anymore because we need to pay for a ticket for every single one. But also, I actually just love driving.
Jennifer Smith: I was going to say. When you said, "We drive down there," I was going to say, "No, Aaron drives."
Aaron Smith: I drive-
Jennifer Smith: I sleep.
Aaron Smith: ... 13 hours, and Jennifer drives an hour.
Jennifer Smith: Maybe one.
Aaron Smith: And I love it.
Jennifer Smith: I do too.
Aaron Smith: It's great.
Jennifer Smith: Hey, we're on the same team here.
Aaron Smith: And you genuinely sleep the whole time. I keep looking over, and you're like ... I think you're going to be reading a book-
Jennifer Smith: I'm a car baby.
Aaron Smith: ... or on the phone, but you're sleeping.
Jennifer Smith: I'm a car baby. I like it.
Aaron Smith: Also, what's also cool is we had to ... Because we have our two little kitties, we brought them with us.
Jennifer Smith: They did great.
Aaron Smith: We were concerned about them. We're like, "Oh, how are they going to handle 15 hours of driving?" They loved the car. They're in the windshield, the windows, on the headrests with the kids. They owned the car.
Jennifer Smith: I think the kids liked having them in the car, too, because it gave them something to do and focus on.
Aaron Smith: It was great.
Jennifer Smith: That was good.
Aaron Smith: Weather was awesome, 65, 70, like you said, and ...
Jennifer Smith: We pretty much stayed in grandma's pool or at the beach-
Aaron Smith: The whole time.
Jennifer Smith: ... the whole time, which usually when we plan a trip to go to California, I get-
Aaron Smith: We try to pack in other things.
Jennifer Smith: Well, I get really excited about the opportunity of, yeah, different cities to go check out or museums or even amusement parks. I love [inaudible 00:04:26].
Aaron Smith: But this time we're driving down, I said, "Can we not do anything? Can we just the beach and pool? Nothing else."
Jennifer Smith: Which is basically what we did, except that my dad did get us tickets to opening day at the Angel Stadium, so we did do that. That was awesome.
Aaron Smith: Which was pretty awesome. The kids have never been to a baseball game like that before.
Jennifer Smith: Oh, it was amazing.
Aaron Smith: Major league, yeah.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Actually, I haven't either. I've been to Angel Stadium.
Jennifer Smith: You haven't?
Aaron Smith: No, I had been to Angel Stadium several times, but not for baseball games.
Jennifer Smith: So, I grew up going, and I remember the Blue Angels would fly overhead in the beginning. And I warned the kids. I'm like, "It's opening day. They're probably going to be there," And sure enough.
Aaron Smith: It was so loud.
Jennifer Smith: It was so awesome. It was so cool.
Aaron Smith: Edie was plugging her ears, and she's like, "It's so loud."
Jennifer Smith: That was cool. And then we saw a pickle in the first or second inning.
Aaron Smith: This wasn't a quick pickle. This was a really good one. It went back and forth, back and forth
Jennifer Smith: There was like four people involved. It was great.
Aaron Smith: The players kept replacing each other as they were passing the ball back and forth, getting closer and closer and closer.
Jennifer Smith: And they got [inaudible 00:05:24].
Aaron Smith: That was really good. And then we saw a double home run pretty quick too.
Jennifer Smith: All to say it was amazing. The baseball game was amazing. The beach was great. Family time was just special.
Aaron Smith: It was needed to get out of the still snow that we have.
Jennifer Smith: I know. All my friends warned me, "Don't come back yet."
Aaron Smith: It's literally snowing right now.
Jennifer Smith: Still.
Aaron Smith: So, did something special happen this week?
Jennifer Smith: Well, yes, which is another reason why we took a little mini break from the podcast because we were in the-
Aaron Smith: Middle of something.
Jennifer Smith: We were in the middle of something. Right when we got back from our trip, we got our book back that we had mentioned to you guys that we've been working on-
Aaron Smith: Our new book.
Jennifer Smith: ... our newest book so that we can finalize edits and wrap that up. So, we're really excited about this. So, we wanted to share it with you guys.
The title of the book is The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers for Our Marriage - A daily devotional journey to inspire, encourage, and transform us in our prayer life. So, all week we worked really hard on sifting through that and just-
Aaron Smith: You worked really hard.
Jennifer Smith: I did.
Aaron Smith: You did all the-
Jennifer Smith: But I like that-
Aaron Smith: You did all the heavy lifting.
Jennifer Smith: ... meticulous, detail-oriented stuff. But we've loved working with Zondervan and just-
Aaron Smith: This new book.
Jennifer Smith: I don't know. We're just excited.
Aaron Smith: Can we tell him when it comes out?
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Because I think we know. I think it's coming out in October, so be on the lookout for it. It comes out in October. We're really excited about it, and we hope you all are going to be incredibly blessed by it.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, our hope for it is just we wanted to create a resource that would inspire couples to build a strong habit of prayer individually, but also together. Gosh, I can't wait.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, it's going to be awesome.
Which this kind of goes along this title, this strong habit of prayer, which it's an act of humility to pray for your spouse. It's one way of doing it and to pray for yourself and to go to God and say, "I need you." That's a humble thing to do.
We're talking about humility, humbleness. That's the topic for today. So, real quick, what do you immediately feel when you hear the word humility?
Jennifer Smith: I think of the word meekness, which I looked up after that word came to my mind because I wanted to make sure, am I on the right track here. But it means softness of temper, gentleness, mildness, and then another definition used the word submissiveness.
Aaron Smith: So, it's like a yielding. It's like a not usurping or trying to be above.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, more giving of yourself than taking in a way with your attitude.
Aaron Smith: That's good. Meekness.
Jennifer Smith: What about you?
Aaron Smith: Well, when I think about this, the first word that comes to mind is humiliation, which I know they're closely related, not quite the same thing, but I don't know why I think of that. I think of this idea of being embarrassed or something happening that makes you feel small or weak, which I know that what we're talking about today is not that idea, but it's almost that idea if you think about it.
It seems like there's many things in life that end up humbling us. They're also the things that embarrass us like when we're trying to succeed at something, but we fail, and it humbles us, or we think this thing's going to come through. Like James is like, "Don't say tomorrow we're going to go do such and such and go do this business and that."
Jennifer Smith: [inaudible 00:08:52].
Aaron Smith: It's like, you don't know what tomorrow's going to [inaudible 00:08:54].
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: I feel like often we are forced into humility by our actions or circumstances that like, oh, I had no control over that. That's what I think about. So, when you go down to it, admitting sin or failure is a humility, a humbleness, and it's humiliating.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, that's true.
Aaron Smith: Right?
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: So, that's what I think about when I think about humility.
Jennifer Smith: Cool. Well, the definition, if you just Google it, humble. Well, yeah. Hold on, let me go back. Humility will just tell you it's the quality of being humble, so I'm just going to read the definition for being humble. Modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit showing differential or submissive respect, low in rank, quality, or station, and unpretentious or lowly.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, and I would add to that because being low in rank, you are a humble person, not necessarily by character, but by just position. Like, oh, that person's in this status, and I'm in this status. But what we're talking about is, and what the Bible will talk about is placing yourself or recognizing yourself in your true position or putting yourself beneath. When we think about when we're told to love one another, or when we're told to consider others as more important than yourselves, that's this idea of, well, not that you're not important, but the act of love as in I'm not going to demand anything. I'm going to put myself beneath right now.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, it's this modesty in behavior or the attitude. It's like your perception of who you are. Not that you're not qualified or capable or can have and operate in a high position of sorts, but that you consider yourself modestly.
Aaron Smith: You put others above you. You esteem others higher than yourself, which leads me to another question, which is not in the notes. It makes me think about this question of, is that a easy thing, humility, humbleness?
Jennifer Smith: I don't think it comes natural. I don't think it's a natural thing.
Aaron Smith: That's good. Yeah, is it a natural thing?
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Like, oh, I'm just a humble ... The joke is like, I'm the humblest person. The moment you say it, you're no longer humble because you're boasting about your humility.
Jennifer Smith: I would say what's more natural is if you think of ego-
Aaron Smith: Yeah, self.
Jennifer Smith: ... and use self-awareness. I think those things can come more naturally, and so we, especially entering into adulthood, start to learn what it means to be humble usually through experience. You're like, "Oh, that was hard."
Aaron Smith: I would say the opposite comes this idea of self-esteem or self-preservation, or our self-image of where jealousy comes from. We compare. We're like, "Oh, why don't I have what they have," thinking that we deserve it or something, which is the opposite of humility of like, "Oh, I'm glad they have it. I don't know if I'm even ready for that thing or can handle that thing or should have that," whatever it is. Yeah, I think that's the more natural position for us.
Jennifer Smith: So, what's the purpose of humility? Why are we talking about this today?
Aaron Smith: Yeah, I know. Everyone's like, "What? What are they talking about?" The reason we're bringing this up is because of this question, what is the purpose of humility? What does God desire? Why does he desire humility and humbleness in his people? And how does it benefit our marriage? That's kind of why we want to talk about this is ...
Before we talk about humility, you were just saying, I don't want to talk too much about pride. But in order to talk about humility, you have to talk about pride because that's our natural state is a self-centered worldview from babies till whenever, until the Holy Spirit starts transforming that part of us. So, we have to talk about pride.
So, let's see what the Bible says about pride. I'll read the first one, Proverbs 8:13. "The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate." This is the idea of God saying something that he hates. He hates pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech.
Jennifer Smith: And then Proverbs 11:2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace. But with the humble is wisdom."
Aaron Smith: There's very few times in the Bible where pride is ... almost none ... pride is a positive thing. It's almost always a sinful, fleshly-
Jennifer Smith: Response.
Aaron Smith: ... anti-God response. Isaiah 2:11, "The haughty looks of a man shall be brought low. And the lofty pride of a man shall be humbled. And the Lord alone will be exalted in that day." This is one of the things that God's going to do is he's going to lay low the prideful. He's going to say, "No, this is your true position. What you're doing is wrong." And he does it to all pride. Pride has no place in the heart of a believer or anyone really. But these are all the things that the Bible says about pride.
Why don't you read the next one?
Jennifer Smith: The next one is from Mark 7:20-23. "And he said, 'What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.'"
Aaron Smith: This is Jesus' words. He's talking because they were talking about what goes into the body like food. Oh, you're eating what's not lawful. And he's like, "You don't understand. The stuff that goes into your body gets expelled out of your body. It's food." He's like, "But what comes out of you, that's what defiles you." And look at that list. That is the list of defiled, foolishness, evil, and those are the things that if ... And one of them is pride.
Jennifer Smith: God hates pride.
Aaron Smith: He hates it. It's just as equal in his mind to all these other things. Whether or not it's equal, I don't know, but it's in the same list of the things that he hates and that are evil and that defile a person. So, having pride in your marriage defiles you and your marriage. It's destructive.
So, if you haven't caught on yet, like you said, God hates pride. Pride is very dangerous of a heart posture. It's opposed to God as we just read. When pride comes, then comes disgrace. It's the step before falling, disgrace, destruction, defilement. Pride says, "I am good. I do not need anyone."
Jennifer Smith: Which in marriage, you can see how that starts crumbling the unity of oneness.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, like "I don't need you. Why are you telling me what to do? Why are you saying I shouldn't do this? Why are you treating me like this? I don't deserve this." It is. Immediately, when pride exists in one of our hearts or both our hearts, unity doesn't exist.
Jennifer Smith: Pride also says I'm right and everyone else is wrong.
Aaron Smith: Which is true for my sake, but most people ... I'm just kidding. No, pride does say that. This is the root of most fights. I'm right, and you're wrong. Usually, it doesn't even matter what the circumstance is. We think that, and so we fight for our preservation, ourself, our pride. Pride keeps us from walking in truth and from gaining wisdom.
Jennifer Smith: Being able to receive ...
Aaron Smith: Yeah.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: This has happened in my life. Someone trying to show me what the word says about a way I'm being, a thing I've done, and I'm like, "No, you're wrong. This is not wrong." It keeps us from receiving. So Psalms 10:3-4 says, "For the wicked boast of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord. In the pride of his face, the wicked does not seek him. All his thoughts are, 'There is no God.'"
Now, this is the state of the atheist, the person in the world, whether they believe in a God or not, they are really saying this. There is no God, and I do not need him. I'm not going to seek him. I don't need him. So, pride in the heart, it keeps us from God. It keeps us from going to the truth and from gaining actual, true wisdom.
I dig this illustration and more expounded on CS Lewis, author of the Narnia books. I found a quote by him. He calls pride the complete anti-God state of mind. I feel like that sums up what I was just talking about so well is when we are prideful, it's an anti-God state of mind. It's a pro self-is-God state of mind, and God is not God.
Jennifer Smith: Which if your perspective of yourself is like God or you put your own self on that highest pedestal, that's going to cause a lot of deterioration in your relationships because pride keeps us from ... Let's say in marriage. It will keep us from reconciliation, from being able to truly love each other, and that's sad. A lot of marriages experience it.
Aaron Smith: It keeps us from repentance. It keeps us from just simply apologizing and recognizing when we made, no matter how small it is, a mistake.
Jennifer Smith: It's really all relationships if you think about it because even parenting, I'm just sitting here thinking, "How often have I let my pride sit between me and a child, or hearing-
Aaron Smith: Or their pride.
Jennifer Smith: ... or seeing other experiences of people with older children, adult children, even seeing the fight between parent-child because of pride and not wanting to just humble themselves.
Aaron Smith: As that scripture said earlier, it's destructive. It's corrosive. Pride separates us from relationships and humility ... so now bringing it back ... humility makes it possible for those who want to be in relationship to draw near. This is what's cool about humility and why the question that started all this was, what is it for, what is God's purpose in it, is without humility, there is no reconciliation. There can be no relationship. There is no drawing near. It's only something that pushes away.
So, God is perfect. Jesus is our mode of salvation. He died on the cross. He rose again from the dead. His blood covers and atones. Pride, I don't need that. That's not me drawing you to God. He did everything to draw near to me and gave me everything I need, and my pride keeps me from it.
Same in marriage. We're fighting. You did something that frustrated me, and you apologize to me. You try and repent, and you say, "I messed up. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry for how I talked to you." And in my pride, because I think I need to be justified or feel a certain way, and I don't want to forgive you, where's the drawing near? It doesn't exist.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: My pride keeps me from drawing near, where you tried.
Jennifer Smith: It's like a wall.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, so you did what you were supposed to and what you can, and that's as far as you can take it because you can't make me not be prideful. That's the Holy Spirit's job is to do in my life, is to convict that of me. But if we're not careful, if we're not aware of these things and we let these things come out of us, they defile us and our relationship, and they keep us from drawing near to each other and, most importantly, to God.
Because in reality, this is something I learned a long time ago with me walking in certain sins in my life, stuff that I struggled really hard with, recognizing that if I'm not going to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompt to confess and to repent, I'm not listening to God. Even though he's asked me to do something for you, and I'm not willing to do it for you, to you, I'm really saying, and I told you this a long time ago, it's like this ultimate, "No, God. I'm not going to do what you're asking me to do." So, my pride actually repels me from God when the Holy Spirit's there lovingly sanctifying me.
Jennifer Smith: And trying to lead you.
Aaron Smith: And trying to lead me.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah. So, earlier you briefly mentioned this phrase, and you said the benefits to marriage because of humility. If somebody walks in humility or a spouse, what kind of benefit is there to marriage? You've already given the consequences of pride and the destruction of pride, but in light of humility, if one or both are operating in the spirit and being humble in heart and attitude, what are the benefits?
Aaron Smith: The first one I thought of is the word safety. There's safety in humility. Anytime I've known people that have a kind of innate sense of pride, like a pridefulness, they're never wrong. They are always right, which can be two different things, but they go together. I never felt truly safe with those people. We could be friends, and we could be close. And I can-
Jennifer Smith: Safe in what way, like you don't feel comfortable talking to them about ...
Aaron Smith: Well, yeah. If I ever wanted to go to them and be like, "Hey, you wronged me," I know it's never going to go right, so I don't even say anything. It's only going to turn into a, "Wait, what? No, that didn't happen. You saw it wrong. You're not ... " And it's abrasive and a fight and corrosive like we keep saying.
Jennifer Smith: I think, too, for being in a relationship like that, it could be exhausting. The word safe does, it does explain that very well, but also, I just think it would be exhausting for me to think, "I don't want to come to you right now." Let's say you were being that way. I wouldn't want to come to you because I already know I'm already tired at the end of the day. I don't have the energy to share myself with what's going on, share my feelings, share my heart and my thoughts, if I know it's not going to be received. Because that means more work to get either to where I want to go with you and try and break it down if that's even possible.
Aaron Smith: Which this is an actual example in our marriage of something that we've had to grow in and work in. That is something that's a constant growing for me is you feeling like I'm not going to hear you and listen to you and receive you, but I'm going to get defensive and frustrated and hurt, which is a pride thing.
Jennifer Smith: I wouldn't say that we operate like that always, but there have definitely been times that-
Aaron Smith: No, no, this is something that I'm just saying this is an actual thing that we deal with on an occasional basis that God's been sanctifying in me. But it is. It's a pride thing and that you feel safer when like, "Oh, wow. He heard me, and received it, and contemplated it, and now, we're talking about it on that level."
So, I think when there's humility on both parties, there's safety. There's a sense of they're not going to make me feel under them. Because if you think about it, humility is always lifting people above you. So, if both people are doing that, if the husband and the wife are doing that, when you go to your spouse to repent, to humbly say I was wrong, you can trust that they are going to forgive you, lift you up, remind you of the truth, have understanding, not a, "Oh, here's my opportunity to squish you."
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, which I don't think people have that mindset to intentionally squish or belittle, but it does come out in the heart-
Aaron Smith: When we're prideful.
Jennifer Smith: ... posture and attitude. Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Like, "Oh, you wronged me, and I'm going to make sure you know it." Out of not a I'm lovingly explaining what happened in my heart, I'm angrily, and, in a way, I want to make you feel what I feel, which happens.
Jennifer Smith: Okay, so what are a few more benefits of walking in humility in marriage? Real quick, I'll just say the one that came to my mind when you were just talking was unity. A husband and wife are walking in humility, and you started naming all the things that go well with that. Unity is a very beautiful picture of humility in action.
Aaron Smith: You're right. And like we just talked about that drawing near, that connection to humble humans, recognizing that they have flaws and agreeing to be humble about it with each other is you can't have unity without it. You can't be reconciled to God without humbling yourself before him. That's why with that verse in the beginning, what does God require? A humble heart. That's what he wants is me saying, "Oh, I am a sinner, and I am not perfect, but you are. Thank you for the salvation I have in Jesus. Jesus." It requires humility.
One more, and there's a lot, of course, but one more that I'd like to share is humility is a powerful example. When someone's humble, it diffuses, it restores, it lightens, it brings light. It's like, "Hey, I'm just going to shine on myself right now," in the sense of here's where I did this thing. And it's a good example to each other, to your spouse, and also to your kids, when they see you be humble and not just like, "Nope, I'm never wrong, and you're the only one wrong."
The humility doesn't just shine a light on you wanting to grow and change and listening to the Holy Spirit. What it also does is lifts people up, so it's an example, and it raises up. So, it's lifting up your spouse. It's lifting up your children. It's showing, "Hey, I'm going to raise you above me right now, and I'm not going to try and put you beneath me."
Jennifer Smith: Which if you're always acting like that, I guess another benefit is people just want to be around you all the time.
Aaron Smith: Because they want to be-
Jennifer Smith: You'll be so liked.
Aaron Smith: Guys, that dude's so humble. Yeah, I think so. I think it's-
Jennifer Smith: Especially the spouse.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, especially ... Do you want to be around me all the time?
Jennifer Smith: Yes, always.
Aaron Smith: All the listeners, do you want your spouse to draw near to you and want to be around you? Humility is a huge way to make that such an easy thing to happen.
So, we talked about benefits. What are some things that we've seen in our own marriage how pride has affected us?
Jennifer Smith: Pride. Well, I know for me, when I feel justified in hurt or feeling like I'm right about something, I tend to withhold in a lot of ways with you, whether it's like-
Aaron Smith: Withhold what?
Jennifer Smith: My words or intimacy or that drawing close that you talked about.
Aaron Smith: Forgiveness sometimes.
Jennifer Smith: Forgiveness, for sure.
Aaron Smith: Yeah.
Jennifer Smith: That just happened the other day actually. You looked at me like, "Are you going to forgive me?" And I just remember thinking, "I'm not done yet. I still had two more things I wanted to say, and then I could forgive you, which wasn't a nice way to talk about it."
Aaron Smith: Yeah, but that's one of the things that pride does to us is it says like, "No, I'm not. I'm going to hold this for a little bit more until I think you deserve it or I'm ready."
Jennifer Smith: I admit. I did that.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, and as for me, there's been times. I don't want to say many probably, where-
Jennifer Smith: We've been married a long time, so there's been many.
Aaron Smith: I've been so prideful that I have a difficult time coming to you to admit when I was wrong, either in sin or in certain actions like when you're rightfully frustrated with me because I should have done something, and I didn't. And you're like, "Why didn't you do that thing?" And then what I want to do in my pride is defend myself and make reasons why you shouldn't be so angry. And why are you so hurt with me? Why are you so mad at me right now? I avoid trying to come to you or humbly just saying, "You know what? You're right. I'm sorry that I didn't do that thing that I said I'd do."
Jennifer Smith: Which to highlight the change, the transformation, the other day, you did acknowledge something really quickly, almost too quickly that I couldn't ... Oh, maybe that's the same situation that ...
Aaron Smith: No, I don't think it was.
Jennifer Smith: Oh, it was a different situation [inaudible 00:30:14].
Aaron Smith: This was a situation in the car.
Jennifer Smith: Well, you quickly apologized, and it actually caught me off guard. There was silence for a little bit, and I looked at you, and you looked at me like-
Aaron Smith: Are you going to forgive me?
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and I remember thinking, I remember saying out loud ... I think there was a but coming.
Aaron Smith: I think it was something like you said something, and then I said a snarky comment back to you.
Jennifer Smith: We were both being kind of rude, and I remember thinking, "Oh, he's going to say all this nice stuff and apologize, but ..." But then you never said the but, and I was like, "Oh."
Aaron Smith: And then you looked at me like, "I thought there was a but coming," and I was like, "No."
Now, here's a confession. There was a but that I wanted to say. So, I apologized. I said, "Jen, I'm really sorry that I spoke to you that way. You didn't deserve that." And then I was quiet, and you waited. And you looked at me, and I looked at you, and you're like, "Is there a but coming?" I went, "No."
Jennifer Smith: I assumed there needed to be one since I was also being-
Aaron Smith: I held my tongue.
Jennifer Smith: I was also being a certain way, but ...
Aaron Smith: You apologize later on, and I didn't have to say anything.
Jennifer Smith: Can I share a funny story real quick?
Aaron Smith: No.
Jennifer Smith: Maybe it's not funny.
Aaron Smith: No funny stories. Yes, of course.
Jennifer Smith: One of the kids was talking to me recently, and they said, "But, mom, da da da." I don't remember what they were talking about, but our little Edie, who just turned three, heard just the but mom really clearly. And so she started in the backseat going, "But mom, but mom, but mom," until she realized she was saying butt mom, and she just started cracking up.
Aaron Smith: She thought she was so funny.
Jennifer Smith: Oh, my goodness.
Aaron Smith: We're like, "Edie, We do not talk like that.
Jennifer Smith: I said, "Mommy's name's too special. You can't laugh at my name." Oh, man, kids.
Aaron Smith: So, yes, pride affects us all because it's in our nature, and it's why the Holy Spirit needs to change that nature, needs to where the Bible tells us to not gratify the desires of the flesh but walk in the spirit.
Jennifer Smith: Which I will say, the one thing that has helped our marriage most, and I don't know how people do it without him, is drawing close to Jesus, looking at his example, and walking like he walked because only with him can you seek peace, and pursue it, and prioritize unity in marriage and serving each other because you know the cost of your life and their life and what it means and what the purpose is behind all of it. It's because of Jesus and what he did for us. It really humbles you.
Aaron Smith: Well, if you humble yourself to draw near to God, you recognize how humble you need to be, that we did nothing and can do nothing for our salvation. He's so good that he offers it freely, his grace and his mercy. I think at 1 Peter 5:6 it says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you." It goes back to that Malachi scripture.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: What does he require? Humbleness because pride's going to keep us from him. But when we humble ourselves, we'll say, "Oh, there he is. Like the disciples when Jesus comes in, he said some hard things about communion, about his body. And everyone left but the 12. And he looks at them. He's like, "Will you leave also?" And Peter says, "Where are we going to go? You have the words of life."
That was a humility. That was like saying, "Yeah, what you said was hard, and we don't understand it, but where else are we going to go? I have nowhere else to go." That's a humility. That's saying I have no rope to climb. I have no ladder. I have nothing. You're it, God. You're it, Lord. We need to humble ourselves.
Jennifer Smith: So, with that, what ways can we walk with each other in marriage in humility?
Aaron Smith: Well, to highlight some of the things that we already said, quickly acknowledging and addressing when hurt happens. So, like you said in the car, I know I said something that was intentionally hurtful, and the Holy Spirit was like, "Why did you just say that?" And I was like, "I'm really sorry that I just said that to you. You don't deserve that," which doesn't happen all the time. I don't always acknowledge that quick, but quickly acknowledging.
Jennifer Smith: And for the other person, when there is a sincere recognition, apology, being quick to forgive.
Aaron Smith: Well, and also quick to acknowledge.
Jennifer Smith: And also walking in humility.
Aaron Smith: Wow, I'm really proud of you for acknowledging that so quickly.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, do a little affirmation.
Aaron Smith: Yeah.
Jennifer Smith: But just we use quickly a lot, and I just want you guys to know-
Aaron Smith: It's relative.
Jennifer Smith: It is because sometimes you need time to process the hurt or what's going on, and not every situation can be addressed quickly, and we know this. So, even more than that, it's just being able to walk in humility with each other is this ability to always highlight and come back to reconciliation.
Aaron Smith: Well, I'll give an example real quick about this. Like you said, it may not be quick to fully resolve, but we can quickly acknowledge something. Sometimes in a really heated, something that's very emotional, something that's very driven by the flesh kind of argument, one of you can humble yourself and say, "Hey, I know this isn't going to be resolved in this moment. I'm elevated, and it looks like you are too. Can we take a break and pray about this? And we'll come back and talk about it when we have ... " There can be an acknowledgement quickly, even if there's no quick resolve.
Jennifer Smith: You also said something just now, which is walking in humility, and that is pray. When you can humble yourselves before the Lord, especially with your marriage, it's such a beautiful thing, and it really diffuses a lot of the tension that you feel in the moment of emotion. So, being able to humble yourselves and go to God in prayer is a big one.
Aaron Smith: This is something that we've learned over the years, and it's why we love writing about prayer and wanting to encourage people to pray, especially when it comes to hard things relationally in your marriage and with others. The moment you pray, no matter how right you think you are, when you step into the throne room of God and you stand before him, you're like, "Oh, my gosh, I'm so small."
Jennifer Smith: When Ant-Man pushes the-
Aaron Smith: Yeah, and he just shrinks down to a little thing, but that's what happens when ... The proper heart posture is humbleness before God, not, "God, you need to change their hearts." Sometimes we do that and realize we're not even praying to God. We're just angry. But when we truly go before, "Lord, I'm angry. Help my heart," and often so quick, the Holy Spirit's like, "Why are you so angry? Why are you holding this against them? Why are you ... " And it's like, "Oh, Lord, you're so big, so righteous, and I'm not." So, it's humbling to pray.
Jennifer Smith: And just to quickly go over the reconciliation stuff, it's being willing to apologize, being willing to confess and repent and also embrace each other, hug each other, physical affirmation to resolve those conflicts.
Aaron Smith: To reconnect.
Jennifer Smith: To reconnect.
Aaron Smith: Yeah.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Another thing, humility, another way of walking humility is recognizing that we are both imperfect and need Jesus and love. Like the moment I think that my sin is smaller and your sin is greater, I'm wrong, and we do that a lot. We will elevate our righteousness and push down our partner, our spouse, and say, "No, what you did is more wrong and more sinful." That's prideful, but recognizing we both need Jesus.
Jennifer Smith: So, walking in humility looks like when we think we're right, realizing that we might not be right, and don't fight about it.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, it's being self-critical like am I actually right?
Jennifer Smith: Are you listening to others around you? Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Not putting yourself in a high position. That kind of goes with what I was just talking about. It's like "I'm going to elevate my position and lower yours. I'm going to be demanding. I'm going to be controlling. I'm going to be ... " The place I put myself allows me to, like we were talking about before, withhold forgiveness, withhold reconciliation, withhold intimacy, withhold all sorts of things because while I'm here and you're here, until you come up to me, what's hard about that is it's all contingent on what you have decided is enough. And that's not good.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and this could even be in a superficial way of being demanding of time and what your needs are and not considering the other person. So, walking in humility puts the interest of others, your spouse, above your own. It's being willing to serve them and love them and give and give some more.
Aaron Smith: And I think the last thing, of course, not the last thing, but the last thing on our list is agreeing with God. Agreeing with God is an act of humility. God, you are right, and I'm wrong. You are right, and I need to know what's right in this situation. Me being angry, me yelling, me being frustrated, me being whatever it is that we're being, asking God, is this the right thing that I'm doing, not, how's my wife wrong, how's my husband wrong.
So, agreeing with God, saying, "God, what you say is truth, and I need to bend myself to you," which is like what we read in Malachi and what we read in other scriptures.
Jennifer Smith: Micah.
Aaron Smith: Micah.
Jennifer Smith: I was going to correct you earlier.
Aaron Smith: Not Malachi, Micah.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah.
Aaron Smith: Which is what God desires from us.
Jennifer Smith: Good. It's all good stuff. Just to remind you of that verse in Micah 6:8, it says, "He has told you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God."
Aaron Smith: Yeah, it's Micah 6:8, not Malachi.
Jennifer Smith: That's okay. Okay, guys, we like to end these episodes with something called a growth spurt, which is just a challenge that we like to give to you to invest in yourself and your marriage and your relationship with God and everything just to be, I don't know, better yourself.
Aaron Smith: Well, it goes along with one of the episodes we just did in April about always being a learner.
Jennifer Smith: That's right.
Aaron Smith: Yeah, and so this week's, this month's I should say, growth spurt is invest intellectually.
Jennifer Smith: So, grab a good book and take time to discuss it with your spouse. Now, don't get overwhelmed if you don't finish the book all the way, or you only even get a few pages in just-
Aaron Smith: It's just taking steps.
Jennifer Smith: Yeah, just taking baby steps here, or I know I have friends that can finish a book in a day. They're pretty awesome. But why don't you share what you're reading.
Aaron Smith: I've been reading off and on a book called She's Yours by Jonathan and Wynter Pitts, and it's essentially a book about how to love daughters.
Jennifer Smith: That's awesome.
Aaron Smith: How to have a daughter.
Jennifer Smith: So cool.
Aaron Smith: Which I still feel like I'm always learning because I have no idea.
Jennifer Smith: I just got a book that I pre-ordered a long time ago by Sally Clarkson. I just got it today, and I'm super excited to dive into it. But it's Teatime Discipleship, and I'm already a few pages in. And it's good, so I'm excited. It's pleasing to the eye. It's got really cute pictures in it.
Aaron Smith: It's very artsy.
Jennifer Smith: Artsy, yeah.
Aaron Smith: So, at the end of this episode, and as we do all episodes, we pray. But this prayer is a special one. Why is this a special one, Jennifer?
Jennifer Smith: Well, this is an excerpt from our newest book, The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers for Our Marriage.
Aaron Smith: And it's about being humble. So, why don't you do that?
Jennifer Smith: Okay. Dear Lord, we are learning that humility is freedom from pride. Without pride governing our hearts, we can have a modest view of ourselves. Pride demands a pedestal position of authority, while humility offers a posture of submission and sacrifice. We confess that pride often comes between us. Lord, will you show us the consequences of pride in contrast to the benefits of humility? In moments when our flesh is tempted with arrogance, will you redirect us to act in meekness instead?
Let Christ's example of humility reign in our hearts and minds. Help us to see clearly and reveal any insight that will contribute to our resolve. May we refuse to fight for what we think is right, but rather fight for your truth to prevail. When we desire justice, remind us to bring our case before you, the good judge, in genuine prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.
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| 18 May 2020 | Our First Home Birth During A Global Pandemic?? The Story | 00:51:13 | |
We start season 4 off by sharing the story of our first home birth.
READ TRANSCRIPT [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're gonna share our first home birth story. Welcome to the marriage after God podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I am Jennifer, also known as unveiled wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as husband evolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over 13 years. [Aaron] And so far we have five children under eight. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over nine years through blogging, social media and writing over 10 books. [Aaron] With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one full of life... [Aaron] Love. [Jennifer] And power- [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is marriage after God. [Aaron] Hey everyone, welcome back to Marriage After God. [Jennifer] Season four. [Aaron] We're on season four. Yeah, this is crazy. [Jennifer] Awesome. [Aaron] We've had a lot of episodes, but we're back for season four. So if you're tuning in, welcome. If this is your first time, we're so glad that you're here. Listening to the Marriage After God podcasts. We pray that it's an encouragement to you and a blessing, but if you've been listening for a long time, welcome back. We're so excited to have you here. [Jennifer] Hi everyone. [Aaron] Yeah, and we're recording this in our garage as usual and it's still locked down season. And I know that a little interesting for everyone. It's interesting for us. Jennifer, have you had any thoughts about the season we're in with lockdown COVID-19 pandemic, unprecedented times. [Jennifer] Yeah, I mean, I've had some thoughts about it. I think what's been really a blessing is that we've been in postpartum season, so we had our baby and so we would have been kind of having a low key life anyways right now. Just with me resting, nursing is always usually an issue with our kids. Baby Edith had a tongue tie like several other of our children. And so the first couple of weeks was just basically me and her figuring that out. And so- [Aaron] I do feel like though we started self quarantine earlier because we were leading up to having the baby and then all of this stuff happened right around the same time as having the baby. [Jennifer] Yeah. I would say this we had a really good distraction from what was happening in the world. And so now we're kind of like coming up out of that we just hit the six week mark after having the baby. And I think the most important thing has been for me has been to communicate with you in navigating this pandemic and what the world looks like these days. And it gives me peace, being able to talk to you. It gives me a bit of relief and just knowing that I can share my thoughts, my concerns, whatever that I'm going through with you. What would you say? [Aaron] Well, same. We've been having a lot of conversations about it. We've also had a lovely conversation with our kids. It's kind of hard to like hide it from them cause why can't we hang out with our friends? Why can't we go out? And we're like, "Well, there's a lot of things going on the world." which is going on. [Jennifer] And as an encouragement to parents, I think it's so important that we really understand that our kids lean on us for security and support, especially in times like these. So when they have these big questions, we should be answering them. If they see us being able to have peace and hope and joy amidst the chaos it will give them guidance on how they can respond in times like these. if they sense in us fear and anxiety over the situation, then that could also influence them. So I think as parents, I think it's really cool to see that God has given us an opportunity with our kids to help them navigate this whole thing. And I think it's good for us to engage in conversation with them. It doesn't mean we have to explain everything, especially we can keep it age appropriate. But just being able to willing to have conversations with them. [Aaron] Well, and also being honest with them and letting them know that sometimes we don't have the answers. Like we don't know the appropriate way to respond to all this. We don't know exactly how this is going to turn out. We don't know... Like we just, there's a lot of answers we don't have. [Jennifer] And then we tell them, but our trust and our hope is in God. And so it's another opportunity to point them back to God and encourage their hearts to be able to trust God and I don't know, just to be able to move forward still in life and know that he has us. [Aaron] Yeah, and it's also been good to, I feel like in America we have a lot of comforts and this has shown us how dependent we might be on some comforts. And also brought us to a point that one of the other benefits to this is reminding us of our need for Christ, our need for his peace, his satisfaction, being satisfied in him alone. So one thing we've been trying to encourage our children, whether we catch it or not, whether we are always healthy, we don't know how this is going to turn out. We encourage them to know that God is good. God has us, he knows his plans for us and that we can't control all of those things, but what we can do is look to God who's in control. [Jennifer] Yeah, Aaron, you brought up comforts and especially living here in America. However this whole thing has also allowed us to see how people might be struggling. So you use the word comfort, but I also want to just mention that there's a lot people who've been greatly impacted by this whole thing in a negative way in a lot of different ways. So, I dunno if you want to speak to that. [Aaron] Well, yeah, we know that there's millions and millions of people that have lost their jobs. Some might not get them back. And so our hearts break for that situation. And we know that there's people that are sick. We know that there's people that are, that have other issues going on, that are not COVID-19 related and are having a hard time dealing with that. There's mental issues, there's abuse, there's a lot of things going on in this world that are being exasperated by this situation. And so- [Jennifer] As Christians, I think that we need to remember all of that especially if maybe we're in a different situation, but no matter what our hearts should be to be in prayer for everyone who's been impacted by it. [Aaron] And also been asking the Lord how we can be used. [Jennifer] Yeah, cause we're his body. [Aaron] We might know someone that needs some love, some reaching out, some help. And so we should be aware of that and ready for that. And we should be praying for each other. Praying for those that are going through hard situations and our prayers should not just be, "God, make their situation better." [Jennifer] Or even, "God let us go just back to normal." [Aaron] Right, because that's a thing that I have is like, "Hey, can we just go back to normal?" Our kids keep praying like God make this go away. They miss normalcy. But our prayer should be that hearts are softened. Hearts are turned towards the Lord, that people are brought back to the Lord, that people that don't know the Lord and find him, that families are healed and mended, that like these deeper things. That even if the body is broken, the spirit can be made whole. And so, yes, we should be praying for healing. Yes, it's good to pray for being taken care of financially and being taken care of in these ways. But right now, this is the time when man, the spirit of God catches hold of people. And so we should be praying that hearts are ready to receive. Hearts are open to hear the word of God are being watered and seeds are being planted. And that's, I mean, I don't know, more than anything. I want people to be saved in this time for eternity, not just for the season. So do you have any last thoughts on, I mean there's gonna be lots of thoughts. [Jennifer] I know we could probably do a whole episode on it. Two things. The first thing I was just thinking, if people are listening to this episode in the future. So like going- Yeah, after the- [Jennifer] After the fact, after all this has kind of settled down a bit. I just wonder what their thoughts would be just being reminded of this time. And then my other thought was just an encouragement and it's just for husbands and wives, it's an encouragement to be communicating with each other because no matter what your situation looks like right now you have someone right next to you who's going through it with you. And sometimes, I don't know those listening are like me, but sometimes I get caught up in my head where I'm having conversations in my head, even with you Aaron, and I'm like answering for you. But, then I realized I haven't actually talked to you in a couple of days about how I'm feeling or about what I'm thinking. So my encouragement is, especially in times like these that we are open and transparent and vulnerable specifically with each other. [Aaron] Yeah, I was also thinking, we are friends and families. Not being afraid to just come straight out and say, "Hey, how are you dealing with all this? "Hey, how's your heart? "Are you going through any sort of depression? "Is there any fears that you're like- [Jennifer] Yeah, are you okey? [Aaron] "that are just getting inside your heart." And just asking so that they can be maybe brought out of that darkness, maybe brought out of their shell and not be afraid to ask those questions. Cause I would imagine there's a lot of people dealing with hidden fears and anxieties right now. [Jennifer] And it's okay if you don't know how to answer them. It's okay if the greatest thing you can even say is I'm going to be praying for you or just stop and pray for them right then and there. But I think it was important that we just spend a little bit of time on that since this is such a huge thing going on in our lives right now. And our hearts go out to everyone. And we know this is just crazy, but God is good, like you said. [Aaron] And God's not surprised by any of this stuff. I just wanted to bring up a verse. James 1:12 says, Blessed is the the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Over and over again the New Testament speaks of steadfastness and continuing on and standing strong and standing firm. And I just want to encourage everyone, you believers out there, that we need to stand strong in the word of God and we need to remember who's got us, whose hand upholds us, who guides our steps and makes our paths and brings light into our life and it's God. And so we need to put our strength, our hope and strengths in him because they're not, and our hopes are not in the government. They're not in a vaccine, they're not in treatments, they're not in the, it just going away or those things are going to come and things happen, but we can't control any of this stuff. We just can't. And if we put our hope in those things that our hope is gonna fail. So let's put our hope in the only thing that's consistent, the only one that is a firm foundation and it's God and his word. And let's look to him for wisdom and guidance on how as believers we are to approach this thing that was going on. Cause he's the only, James also says, "If you lack wisdom, ask. "And we will be given wisdom as long as we do not doubt." And so let's ask him for wisdom. I need wisdom. We've been talking a lot about this man. Like how do we deal with all of these things? And we're definitely don't deal with it in fear, but we don't deal with it on our own strengths, our own wisdom. We lean not on our own understanding, but on every word, on God's wisdom. So that's what I just want to encourage everyone with is remain steadfast in these trials. And let's look to God for answers and our hope and for our courage and our wisdom. [Jennifer] And our peace. [Aaron] Oh, most importantly, our peace. So, that was just a bit of a encouraging word for everyone. We need it ourselves. I mean, he reminded ourselves, but I just want to invite everyone to, if you have children or if you're thinking about having children or if you're pregnant, we have something that we've created for you. It's a free resource and it's called the parenting prayer challenge. You can go to parentingprayerchallenge.com all one word and it's completely free to sign up and we will send you over the next 31 days, email with something to pray for and a reminder to pray for it. And it's pretty awesome. We've had almost a thousand people sign up for it and we would love for you to take advantage of it. We created it just for you. And man, it's an awesome thing and it reminds us as parents to pray for our children and there's awesome prompts in there to pray for all these different areas of your child's life. So yeah, we just, it's parentingprayerchallenge.com it's totally free and become part of the people that are going through that challenge. [Jennifer] All right, so today's topic is our first home birth story. No, it's not our first birth story. Obviously if you've followed us for any amount of time, this was baby number five. And, it's just kind of an interesting story and we're excited to share it with you guys. [Aaron] What's more interesting is that we actually fit every one of our kids and us inside of our explorer. [Jennifer] It's tightly, but it's good. [Aaron] It's tight. But that was just a fun little adventure that we figured out. [Jennifer] Aaron was surprised by that. [Aaron] I was a little surprised. They would fit without car seats. But the trick is as we have five car seats. We have actually we have- Four cars seats. [Aaron] four cars and two boosters or is it three car seats, two boosters. [Jennifer] Right. [Aaron] And just the way it's all arranged, we barely fit. It will be a lot better when some of them are out of their boosters. That'll make a big difference, but- [Jennifer] That's okay. Thanks for sharing. so the first four births were done in the hospital and we were happy with those experiences and we had the same, what's it called? It's not a goal. Same birth plan. [Aaron] Our plan was, we'd love to having children in the hospital, actually really love our local hospital here. [Jennifer] And food is so good. [Aaron] The rooms are just really nice and quite. [Jennifer] The people are so nice. [Aaron] It's been good. So we're not opposed to hospital births by any means. [Jennifer] No, we had that plan held in our hands. My whole pregnancy really, and the word changed that at the finish line. [Aaron] Pretty much, yeah. [Jennifer] And so it was our first home birth and I got gotta be honest, I was nervous. Even in the past I've been nervous to even consider a home birth, even though I know people and I've followed people online that have had them. [Aaron] And even though your pregnancies and labors have all been considerably like easy, not easy and- Easy is a funny word- [Aaron] It's safe, I should say. [Jennifer] Yes. Not emergency or anything. [Aaron] Nothing, you haven't had any big emergencies. It's like it just, it goes as planned usually. [Jennifer] Yeah. So anyways, I don't know. We just, we held our birth plan loosely as we believe people should and we submit it to the Lord. And really the last trimester is when all of the world started falling apart with the pandemic. And even more so in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Protocols at the hospital started changing. [Aaron] They started limiting the number of people that could be in the rooms. [Jennifer] We started seeing a lot more articles online being shown stories of that happening. And I came home from one of my last appointments and I was sharing with Aaron these changes that had just been made and we were about to have our baby and I, there was a part of me that just was wondering what is the hospital experience going to be like? And we're just sharing some of our thoughts with each other. [Aaron] And we also, because a big part of this conversation is what was going on in the world. It wasn't just like whether or not we wanted to have a home birth. It was what is our, what does this situation look like for us amidst all of like the virus that's going around. And so we were discussing this and I just wanted to let everyone know that our number one discussion was, are we afraid? Are we gonna be in fear? Are we gonna make decisions or are we gonna be going into this with any anxieties? Because those are realities like, "Oh my gosh, we got to go to like the hospital, "which is where everyone goes that has, "that gets the virus." So that was a part of this conversation was. We are not going to be afraid regardless. Like whether we are going to be exposed or not. We want to have no fear. We want to trust the Lord because he does know what's going on, so. [Jennifer] Totally. Yeah, and also so everyone knows Aaron has been an advocate for home birth for several of my pregnancies. You would ask me like, "Hey, are you interested this time?" [Aaron] I've been pushing for a while. [Jennifer] But you've always been supportive too of what we've decided together. And so, when I came home from that appointment, I shared everything with you. And you suggested it again. You're like, "What about a home birth?" And I'm like, I kind of laughed about it. I was like, no, no, no, no. Like if I'm too far in my pregnancy that's crazy talk, I would have to adjust mentally and it just seems- [Aaron] And I would even be able to get a midwife. How is this gonna work? [Jennifer] It seemed impossible. And you were so hopeful and you're like, "Why don't you just call them and just see what's going on? "Cause maybe they've talked to other people about this." And so I made the phone call and no one answered. And I said, "See, okay, so we're not doing that." [Aaron] Did you leave a message? [Jennifer] Yeah. So by the end of that day, I had been praying and it had been on my heart just to consider both a hospital birth or a home birth. And the Lord gave me so much peace and I was okay with either one. [Aaron] And the same, yeah. [Jennifer] So when I said earlier about having an open hand, having my birth plan and an open hand and open heart, it was this piece that I had that was like, no matter what happens or how I give birth, it's the Lord. [Aaron] I actually remember, I think it was a, I don't know the exact date, but it was about a week before this. You posted a picture of the kids or something on Instagram and you wrote this beautiful thing saying, "Hey, here's my birth plan. "We want to do this." And you said, "but open-handed of course." [Jennifer] Yeah, it was an infant story and it was right at the bottom. [Aaron] And I said, but open-handed of course. And you had this whole idea. And it was before everything started getting really crazy. News-wise, but I remember you got someone messaged you and said, "Please don't have it at the hospital." Cause they were so concerned that's where you shouldn't be. And there were, it was so loving and so concerned. And we saw that and we're like, huh. But we didn't like talk about it. [Jennifer] I didn't think about it. [Aaron] But looking back on it, I was like, "Oh, that was kinda cool. "It was like open handed." Someone was like encouraging you in that direction, but. [Jennifer] So anyways, we were praying about it, but we hadn't heard back from the midwife and until the next morning. Give me some questions and I think they were just being really nice given the situation of what was happening in our world and our state. But because I had established care throughout my pregnancy, I didn't have any- [Aaron] There was no flags. [Jennifer] There was, yeah, there was no red flags, there was no problems or issues that I had throughout my pregnancy. My past pregnancies have been healthy and my labors have been fine and I haven't needed interventions or anything like that. And so they said yes and they were willing to meet with me that day. [Aaron] Which is they never do. [Jennifer] I just felt- [Aaron] They were willing to do this in this season for you. [Jennifer] Yeah. It just felt like an impossible situation that God just said, "Here, this is what I want you to walk through." And I got off the phone almost in tears because I then I had to tell Aaron that it was a go and I was, I was like, okay but like, yeah, this is, I didn't know, I was speechless really. I don't know how to explain that. [Aaron] Did you want not to tell me? [Jennifer] No, no, no, no, but I, and there was a part of me that was really excited, like I have never done a home birth before. Like how cool that I get to do this now. And then my next immediate thought was, "Oh my gosh, are we prepared for this?" Because I didn't know. I hadn't been researching about what to have for a home birth. So that, the next thing- [Aaron] I know is a little weird to think about. Like, what am I supposed... Am I supposed to have anything? [Jennifer] Yeah. So the other cool thing is that we didn't really need much. I felt like what I had like in my hospital bag and things at home already we were prepared for. There's just a couple of other things that you went out to get like an extra set of sheets and I don't remember. [Aaron] Some pillows and something like that. [Jennifer] I don't remember. [Aaron] The midwife give you a list of things. We had like 90% of the things on the list already. [Jennifer] Yeah. And they provided- [Aaron] There was only a few things I had to get. So that was pretty cool. [Jennifer] Then I had to wrap my head around it mentally and that just took prayer and me so many into God and saying, okay Lord, help me transition. [Aaron] Yeah, I think you mentioned a little bit ago that I've tried, I've been a proponent for home births and you said you don't know and I was okay with you doing hospital births, but I remember you saying like, "I'll do it when I have to." [Jennifer] Yeah like if something's gonna push me to do it, then I will. Like I'm not opposed to it. I just, I'm not ready for that yet. [Aaron] And I was like, "Maybe this is the thing making you have to," but it was perfect cause it was what you had committed to in your heart was like, "Well, when I have to, I will." And this was kind of one of those situations where I was like, we didn't have to, it would probably would have been totally fine, but we had the opportunity. [Jennifer] Well that's the thing is at the end of that day, I just knew I had peace that, or I'm sorry that the day before I knew that God would help us through no matter what we chose, whether it was home birth or hospital. And I had so much peace about it and I think that's why getting off the phone with the midwife, I was excited and okay and yet nervous about it. [Aaron] Of course yeah. [Jennifer] It was so neat that God provided a way for that. And so we started preparing for that. We started telling the kids we were cleaning the house, we were making a way for that to take place. And it was just a really exciting time for our family. A very short time. [Aaron] Yeah. Though the week prior, I was on maybe five days before we had the baby, I took the, we do have a chalkboard in our kitchen I did a little game with the kids and I said, I want, so who, what day do you think mom is gonna have the baby? And we started doing this voting and I would put down like, do you think it's going to be Monday? And it was like, leading up to the due date. And so everyone put their little dates down, even Truett voted. And I'm just bringing this up because me and Elliot were right. And so, we actually voted for the due date, which was the 20th. [Jennifer] I actually remember coming out and you explaining this whole thing to me and Elliot looking up at me going, "Mom, the reason I chose your due date is because 'you haven't had a baby on your due date yet." And he just thought that would be so cool. [Aaron] Yeah, and that's why we actually voted that because I feel like all the babies have been either right before or right after and it wasn't like way after. [Jennifer] Yeah, well Elliot, our first and Truett our fourth, were both due, were both born a day before their due date. Olive was three days past. And Wyatt was eight days past. [Aaron] Yeah, he was a big baby. But so we voted for the 20th, which is pretty cool because you were having like on the 19th, I remember you were kind of having some contractions but it didn't like go anywhere. And then the 20th, when did they start? [Jennifer] So I didn't have any, like I wasn't feeling any contractions the day before, but I just felt like it was going to happen soon. Like I could just tell my body was getting ready. But contractions started at about 1:30 in the morning, on her due date. [Aaron] Oh, that's what that, okay. It was 1:30 in the morning. That when it was. [Jennifer] Yeah. And they started and they were pretty close together. I mean seven, eight minutes apart, pretty consistently for a few hours. And then we got disrupted. Truett woke up, which he never does with a huge explosion, poop explosion. I'm trying to keep it clean here. [Aaron] It was horrible. It was all over his bed. It was all over him. [Jennifer] I've never had an experience like with having five kids now, I've never had an experience like this. So to be contracting and have that, I'm like, wait a minute. [Aaron] What time was that? [Jennifer] It was like five o'clock in the morning. [Aaron] It was early. So I'm up, like we're putting him in the bath and there's like poop everywhere. It was like, so gross. [Jennifer] So I told Aaron, you go lay in bed with him and since I'm up anyways, I'll do the laundry and- [Aaron] We couldn't put him back in his bed. It was like a war zone. [Jennifer] It was crazy. So now that you guys are all grossed out, I know. I feel like that just distracted my mind and body or maybe that's just the way it was supposed to be. But contractions kind of slowed down and were more sporadic. So it was like 11 to 15 minutes apart for a long time. I mean hours and I have a cute story, another cute story about Truett. This one's cleaner. About 10 o'clock in the morning I came out of the bedroom and Aaron had been hanging out with the kids and you left to go to the bathroom or something. And I started contracting. I had a big contraction and so I threw two pillows down on the living room floor and I was kneeling in front of them because I was gonna kind of try and either lay down or hold them. And Truett comes up and lays down on the pillows looking up at me and I'm just like on my hands and knees looking down at him. But I'm like trying to breathe through this contraction and he's just smiling. It was like a little redemptive moment for us, but it was sweet. So I labored all day at home. And one cool thing that I wanted to share with you guys is, the night before I went into labor, I was doing a little bit of research and just reading people's home birth stories that they've shared on their blogs. And I can't remember exactly who's I read, but she said this, she said, "Through every contraction "I used the opportunity to pray for someone else. "My husband, my children, friends." And I remembered that as soon as I started contracting and I said, "Oh, I'm gonna do that." I was determined. I was like committed to it, to this idea of prayer throughout each contraction. And it was such a beautiful experience. You guys, every time a contraction came, I would quickly think of someone who I would want to pray for my family, friends, really random things that, I kinda just like allowed the Lord to bring to my mind in that moment, whatever he wanted me to pray for. And so I would pray from the beginning of the contraction, throughout to the end. And not only was it a good distraction from the pain, but what a cool experience to use that opportunity to draw closer to the Lord and to lift up others. Like it was just, I recommend that for anyone going through labor. It was so beautiful. [Aaron] Yeah, it was actually beautiful to watch because you told me you're like, I'm using contractions to pray. And I was like, "Oh, that's awesome." [Jennifer] Yeah. What was actually even crazier was there was this one contraction that I was determined to pray for kids who during specifically this pandemic and stay having stay at home orders who have experienced abuse at home. And I had seen something on social media, maybe Facebook about this. And I hadn't thought about it before then. And so it stood out to me. And so, the contraction started and I started praying for these kids who are at home and possibly experiencing abuse. And as I was praying, you guys, the contractions started building up and becoming more intense and more painful. And it hadn't been like this in all the other contractions and it lasted the longest. And I just kept praying for these children. And by the end of it, I remember telling you, Aaron, that I felt like the Lord was showing me like almost like in relation to their pain, how bad my contraction was. It was kind of really interesting, but my heart just broke for that. [Aaron] Yeah, I think I remember you were crying a little bit in that one. [Jennifer] So, anyways, if you guys are pregnant or if you are gonna have a baby and you're thinking about contracting. I don't know, just remember this, pray, use that time to pray for other people. It's really cool. [Aaron] It's a similar experience to fasting. Like the point of fasting is when the hunger pains come on. When your flesh wants to be fed or to be consoled, we pray. It's the trigger point to pray. I wanted to just bring up a verse real quick, just talking about this whole experience because we have so many plans in life, we have this, we set in our mind how we want something to happen, how we want something to go. I mean, I don't think it was in anyone's mind that the world was going to change the way it's changing, but guess what? It changed. And things are changing every day. And, Proverbs 19:21 says, Many are the plans in the mind of a man but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. And so it's awesome. I mean, in this situation, we got circular, whatever your purposes, we want that to stand. We'd get, of course we have plans. We're going to make plans, there's many of them. But are we gonna be irritated when our plans get foiled? When our plans don't come true and we get blinded to see like, well, what is God doing? Like, God apparently wants something else to be happening right now. That's contrary to my own plans. And so when we can say, "Okay, Lord, like yes, we've made plans, "but what we want more is your purposes to be, to stand." [Jennifer] That's really good. [Aaron] So that's kind of what we saw happening here. And there's other things that God had in store for this, but I just wanted to point everyone back to God's purposes. [Jennifer] Awesome. So as my contractions progressed, they got a little bit closer together and, but nothing really was like showing us that delivery was soon. So this was probably around nap time. So I remember Aaron coming in the bedroom after he laid the kids down and, you just started praying for me and you weren't telling God what to do because we don't do that. But you were like, let's get the show on the road. I want to meet my daughter. And you were really excited for things too. [Aaron] Well, I remember you told me, like, you're not, you don't know why it's slowed down. You're like, I feel like we were getting somewhere. Cause we were, it was getting, they were getting closer and closer and closer and consistent. And then it was like, they just totally like tapered off and slowed down. They were still there, but, and you were just like, I don't know. And I was like, "Well, let's pray about it." [Jennifer] Yeah, and it was kind of a sporadic day, like a very, like when I think about my other four and I even told the midwives this, when I first met them that with my other four kids, once contraction started, they would- They don't stop. [ Jennifer] they don't stop and they just keep going. And then I have the baby and they're generally short labors and this was not like that. This was just different and- [Aaron] Maybe being home made you much more relaxed. [Jennifer] I don't know. I don't know what it was, but I do think this, something that was on my mind. And I remember sharing this with you after you prayed for me, was that I love end times, when we think about Christ return and all of that, and there's a verse, people probably know what I'm referring to, but it's in Matthew 24. And one of the disciples asked when the end of the age is going to come and Jesus goes off explaining the Wars and rumors of Wars and famines and all these things that are hard. And then at the very end, he said, all of these are, but the beginning of the birth pains. So they're like contractions and- [Aaron] He points out the world chaos as contractions, just like in labor. [Jennifer] Yeah, until the delivery of our King. [Aaron] Which showed off light and distant and they get more and more aggressive and closer together. [Jennifer] But sometimes they also slow down. It's kind of like, we get these moments of peace and everything's great. And everything in the world seems to be going fine. And then you get this really big contraction or you get this really painful one, or you get this really long one. And you're like, "Wow, this is not stopping." And so I felt like the Lord kind of gave me this picture with what I was physically and experiencing and enduring, with how sporadic the day was with my contractions and showing him a picture of the world and saying, sometimes it feels like you're about to have that baby. And then it slows down and stops. And there's this rest period. [Aaron] Well, and I wanna expound on that encouragement a little bit, because I think as the church at large, would it be valuable for us to continue to remember that we do have? The Lord is returning. And the things that he's shown us in scripture, like what we see going on in the world, the Wars, the rumors of Wars, the pestilence, the massive earthquakes, the volcanoes, all these things, like everything. Like the chaos in the world, there birth pains. And so it could look scary, but for the believer for the one who has our faith in Christ. [Jennifer] We know it's to come. [Aaron] There's something good coming on the other end. The Bible says, that in birth, the woman is in pain, but once the baby comes, she's forgotten the pain. And the point is of course you don't forget the pain, but the thing that you've been waiting for and going through the pain for is now here. [Jennifer] I think there's a version of the Bible that says that she's in anguish. Is not even just pain. It's like emotional and physical and it's draining. [Aaron] So church believers, we can look at the world and these things that we see going on the world shouldn't cause fear in us, it should bring us hope. And that's what even Jesus has. He says, I tell you these things that you might have hope because when we see these things, as the believer, we know what they mean. Just like when I see my wife going into contractions, I don't think, what's happening? I think, "Oh man, the more painful "and the more close these get together, "the sooner I'm gonna meet my daughter." And so even though it's painful and it's a struggle and it's a trial, it's temporary. And we even know that Paul says, "I know that our current struggles "are nothing to be compared with the coming glory." So I just want to encourage you believers out there that, the Bible, Jesus and the Bible gives us this idea of birth pains for a reason, because the example we get in birth of the contraction starting far apart, we get to look at the things going on the world and say, wow, the more that we see these, the closer they get together, it should turn our eyes up to look for our savior. [Jennifer] Yup. That's good. So, I feel like right after you prayed over me during that nap time, the Lord must have heard because things started picking up- [Aaron] Pretty quick. [Jennifer] pretty quickly. The contractions started getting closer together, more painful and just really the signs of labor were just all converging. And what was really cool was Olive's home. And so she got to participate. I remember so many times- [Aaron] Another benefit of having the baby at home. [Jennifer] Yeah, our four year old little daughter, almost five, was so thrilled to be able to participate in it. And she would, I would be on that big, the big bouncing ball, through contractions and she'd be sitting in front of me on my bed and she'd reach out and put her hand on my leg and encourage me. She'd rub my arms. [Aaron] Shoulders. [Jennifer] She'd look up at me and she go, "Mom, you can do this." Or she'd caught pretty much copy Aaron, anything that Aaron did, she'd do five minutes later. So she'd say, mom, she'd see a contraction coming. She goes, "Mom, just breathe." And then she breath with me- [Aaron] Yeah cause I kept reminding you like breathe, open your mouth. [Jennifer] Yeah, so that was really sweet. There was a handful of time. She prayed for me. [Aaron] What was that thing she told you? There was a moment as you got closer and you were just like, I think you said, I can't do this. Or I don't think I could do this. That's what it was. I don't think I could do this. What did she say? [Jennifer] She said, "You could do it, mom." I don't remember. [Aaron] It was really powerful. She was like, "You can do it mom. "And actually you have to do it the baby is coming." [Jennifer] Yeah. She's serious. [Aaron] She was good. [Jennifer] She's so funny, but such an encourager. And actually now she would love to be a midwife when she grows up after realizing what they do, handling mamas and babies all day. [Aaron] She wasn't freaked out by any of it. [Jennifer] No, she was such so strong. So yeah, things started picking up and I knew I was getting closer. So we called the midwife to come check on us and my friend Angie, who was going to be present at the birth. And another thing that I wanted to share with you guys is one of my desires from the beginning of this pregnancy was- [Aaron] Plans. [Jennifer] I mean, yeah. Was to praise my baby out. And I know it sounds kind of weird, but I've heard other phrases of like breathing the baby out or just letting your body kind of push the baby out. But my heart was that I would worship God throughout the whole experience. And I wanted to be like highly aware that I was able to do this during labor and delivery. And not only did Olive remind me to be singing very loudly because she was doing that. We had a specific playlist that we were playing and the songs like Waymaker and I Will Wait For You by Shane and Shane, like just some really great songs. [Aaron] Did you have in Christ alone in there? [Jennifer] In Christ alone, it was my Anthem throughout pregnancy. I just, I played that song every day. I just, I love that song and it was actually the song she was born too, which is really cool. [Aaron] It came on, and then- [Jennifer] She came. she came. [Jennifer] It was so cool you guys. And also Angie, cause I have a really close relationship with her. She knew this was a desire of mine. And towards the end specifically, I remember hearing her voice saying, "Jen remember to praise," like remember to sing, remember to worship and as hard as it was because I was giving birth and it's hard to even breathe at that time to be able to sing. It was like, my flesh was like, I don't want to do that right now. And then I heard the words of the song playing and I would just jump in and start singing. It was such a cool experience. [Aaron] I think you were singing it while you were pushing her out. Like it was that- [Jennifer] I was saying, "God you're good, " I feel so good." [Aaron] Yeah, it was pretty powerful and what's awesome is, another one of your plans and your heart's desire was to be like ministering and you wanted your labor to be a witness and a blessing to the nurses at the hospital. [Jennifer] I was just gonna say to the nurses at the hospital, it was one of my prayers throughout the pregnancy. I was praying for their hearts. I was praying for whoever was present at the birth to see God in it, whether it was in our relationship and the way we were interacting or in the actual birth. But my heart was that God would use this labor and delivery in a purposeful way in the hearts of those who were experiencing it alongside me, but what I didn't know was, I had been praying for the nurses and doctors. And then at the last minute we changed to a home birth. [Aaron] But God knew. [Jennifer] But God knew who was going to be there. [Aaron] And I remember that, I mean, you're singing worship songs. You're like are just the way we were interacting was really peaceful, really strong, really calm. And with our daughter there and just, I feel like the whole experience was very worshipful. It was really peaceful, really cool. And I know that it impacted the midwives that were there. [Jennifer] I hope so. [Aaron] First of all, they were awesome. [Jennifer] They were amazing. [Aaron] Really quiet, really calm like just really in control. [Jennifer] But also attentative. [Aaron] And attentative, yeah. And I remember afterwards, one of the midwives was saying, what did she say? We are truly honored to be a part of this. It almost looked like she's gonna cry. I don't know if she was or not, but it looked like they were truly like blessed if anything, by your labor, babe, like you did such a good job. [Jennifer] I praise God. [Aaron] Yeah it was awesome. [Jennifer] So little Edith joined us at five on the dot. [Aaron] Five o'clock yeah. [Jennifer] 5:00 PM on her due date with bright copper red hair. It's so beautiful. [Aaron] Yeah, we're praying really hard right now. And if you want to pray with us that she keeps that hair. [Jennifer] Oh, it's okay. It's just, all of our kids are blonde, so I'm assuming it'll change, but it's such a sweet color, especially in the side. [Aaron] Olive came out with really dark hair. [Jennifer] Yeah, it wasn't as red, but it was- [Aaron] It wasn't as red, Wyatt came out with like a- [Jennifer] Well, he was bald and so it was Truett. [Aaron] But its cute when it grew and it was a little red. [Jennifer] It was like a strawberry blonde. He's still kind strawberry blonde. [Aaron] But she is like, you were looking at it right now. It's super, she's super red. [Jennifer] She's sleeping. So anyways, all to say this, you guys, it was a really neat experience to be able to have a peaceful home birth. I thank the Lord that my past pregnancies and history was there. They were fine. And there was no interventions or- [Aaron] No complicated ones. [Jennifer] Yeah, there was no complications or anything like that. And that the Lord gave me the confidence to be able to say yes to this and that we were able to lean on each other, Aaron, to be able to do that. [Aaron] Do you feel like it was what God wanted? [Jennifer] I do. I feel like he had a plan from the beginning that he just didn't reveal to me until the end. Maybe he knew that's what I needed. I don't know. [Aaron] And we have no idea what God's doing in the hearts of those ladies that were with us and we need to keep praying for them because we don't know where they're at. [Jennifer] Or a daughter. [Aaron] Or a daughter. Yeah, But I mean- [Jennifer] I mean we know what's going- [Aaron] She's gonna become a midwife nurse. [Jennifer] She had all kinds of questions afterwards, but she just, she was thrilled to be able to participate in that way. I know it made her feel super special. [Aaron] So here's a question, probably all the pregnant ladies are thinking, would you do it again? [Jennifer] I remember texting a friend that later that night and she goes, so how was it? And I'm like, I'm a fan. [Aaron] Cause we have several people be like, "You can do this, you can do this." Cause we have a lot of friends that have done home births, almost all their kids, I think. And so they've been, they were really cheering you on another excited that you're like switched. And we know it's not for everybody. [Jennifer] But here, it's also something that I just keep telling myself as it's open. So like, even if we ever had another baby, I would be okay with having it in the hospital or at home. So it's just really submitting that to the Lord and saying, what do you want? This is for you. [Aaron] So babe I know there's probably a lot of women that are considering a home birth. If they've never had one before, how would you encourage someone who's already considering this? [Jennifer] Well for someone that's already considering it, I would just say again, pray about it and submit it to the Lord. Talk about it with your husband and do what research you need to do. All the questions that you might have surrounding it, go ask them, ask your friends, ask your care providers. Whoever's looking after you. But don't be afraid of it. I had a good friend tell me, like having a baby is not an emergency. It's a natural thing that God built our bodies to do. [Aaron] It's a good encouragement. [Jennifer] And we need to be able to trust that God's design works. Now there's a lot of cases out there where for whatever reason, someone needs to give birth in a hospital or someone needs an intervention and that's okay, too. So even for someone who's already planning a home birth or someone who desires a home birth, even they have to hold that birth plan loosely in their hands and submit it to the Lord and say, "God, what do you want from me?" And he might even change their plans to be a hospital birth. And I think the greatest thing is to just have peace no matter what that plan is and say, God, it's yours. [Aaron] Yeah, something I just want to remind everyone also is, and if you're not having caught it yet, we talk a lot about how our lives are to be ministry. It's not just like we have ministry over here. Like, "Oh, I work at this church "or I have this job over here. "That's some sort of ministry which no, those are bad." But when we realized that when Christ comes into us, when we have the Holy spirit, our life now is a ministry being poured out. We're being poured out into the world. We're lights set up on a hill. And so even in our home birth, we are doing ministry. Our life and the way we present ourselves and the way we react to each other and interact with each other and interact with the midwives and those around us is how the gospel is spread in the world. It's by our words and our actions, it's not by this thing set over here. And that happens once a week or every other week or once a month. It's everything we do. And if you're wondering what that looks like, ask God, say God, "How's my life? How is the things that we're pursuing, our labors, our work, our at home life, our schooling, our jobs, our everything? Our hobbies. How are we representing you everywhere we are? Because we are the body of Christ. Where we go, Christ goes. And so that's what we, our heart was for this labor. And it's what our heart is for this podcast, is what our heart is for our books, for our home, for our neighborhood. And so if you haven't thought that way, our parent hope is that your mind would be changed and that you would start to realize and recognize that every bit of your life is the Lords. And he desires it to be a offering to him. He desired, he calls us to be living sacrifices. And so, that's, what's amazing is we can be at home doing home birth, something that we don't need, didn't plan and say, "Okay, Lord, how are you gonna use this for you? "What do you want from us? "How can we participate in what you're doing "in the lives of those that are going to be here? "And also, what are you gonna do in us?" Cause there's a lot that God did in us, challenging us and changing our minds about things and showing us how to trust him more. So that was a little bit about our home birth story, which we think it's, God's story of course, all of our births. I wouldn't say this birth was any better than any of the other ones. Cause they all were amazing. I love meeting my children, but I did love a lot doing it at home. I really enjoyed it. [Jennifer] I really did too. [Aaron] So husbands out there, it was a pretty awesome experience if your wife is considering it, just know it's pretty awesome. You're home, it's more comfortable you're in your bed. If you have other children, they get to participate and see how it and know what's going on. And it was a really cool thing anyways. Yeah, that was our story, is there any last thing you wanna add? [Jennifer] I feel like, no, I think that what we shared was really cool and I'm, I just want everyone to hear me say that I love you and that I'm really proud of you. You're a really awesome support for me, especially during that time of labor and delivery and managing our other four kids during the whole thing. I just really love doing life with you and I'm excited that the podcast is back up and we're in season four. So I'm excited to be doing this with you. [Aaron] Awesome. Well, that was really nice. Thank you babe. I love you too and ditto and all of that. And bonus baby Edith this year and she is awesome. [Jennifer] She's doing really great. [Aaron] She's starting to smile and she's, I want her to cue a lot more, but she's just barely started. [Jennifer] She likes open's her mouth like she's gonna and then she just sit there and wait, she doesn't do it. [Aaron] She teases us, but she is so sweet. All right. We love you all. My hope that was an encouragement to you and a blessing. We're praying for you. We pray that God just moved mightily in your marriages and uses you for mighty things for his kingdom, wherever you're at. And during the season of chaos and craziness, just remember God's our peace and our hope. [Jennifer] And he is good. [Aaron] And he is good. And if you have been wavering in your faith in the Lord, I pray that you would just ran to him like, like you've never ran to him before and that you would surrender everything. He's the only thing worthy of giving your entire life to, and one day we're gonna be able to spend eternity with him. [Jennifer] One day soon. [Aaron] Birth pains. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] So- [Jennifer] We'll just pray through those contractions. [Aaron] As usual, Jennifer will you pray's out? [Jennifer] Dear father, you are the giver of life. Thank you for the gift of children. We pray we would have a deep understanding of children and we pray for a strong desire to bless the children in our lives. We pray, we would understand our purpose and role in raising children that know you. May our examples of life and marriage and everything show them the way that honors and glorifies you. Lord we also pray and ask for your peace to be in all of our hearts and in all of our homes, especially when the world seems to be lacking peace. Help us to be confident in trusting you for everything. In Jesus name. Amen. [Aaron] Amen. We love you all. If you haven't left us a review, would you take a moment and do that today? Those reviews help us rank in all the podcast apps and it also lets people know what the podcast is about and what other people think. If you have a lot to review, you are awesome. Thank you so much. Don't forget to get the, to take the challenge. It's parentingprayerchallenge.com. We talked about in the beginning of the show. We love you and we'll see you next week. [Aaron Voiceover] Did you enjoy today's show? if you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 20 Mar 2025 | Breaking Free from Pornography, The Power of Confession, Building a Marriage-Centered Ministry - w/ Sathiya & Shaloma Sam | 01:10:40 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Sathiya and Shaloma Sam, founders of Deep Clean Coaching. After five years of marriage and welcoming their 15-month-old son, they share their journey of building a ministry that helps men overcome pornography addiction while maintaining a strong marriage foundation. Sathiya transparently discusses his personal struggle with pornography and how it shaped his passion to help others find freedom, while Shaloma offers valuable perspective on supporting a spouse through recovery. In this transparent conversation, we explore:
Whether you're struggling with pornography, supporting a spouse through recovery, or seeking to build a ministry while protecting your marriage, this conversation offers biblical wisdom, practical strategies, and hope for lasting freedom. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Sathiya & Shaloma Sam:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Sathiya Sam, Shaloma Sam, pornography recovery, sexual integrity, confession, marriage ministry, addiction freedom, vulnerability, intimacy disorder, marriage support, spouse healing, transparency, biblical freedom, overcoming shame, marriage first Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 27 Feb 2024 | This truth can change the course of your life | 00:53:22 | |
In this episode, we discuss an important truth - the words we choose to receive and believe directly impact and direct the course of our lives. We see in Proverbs that wisdom and understanding come from knowing and accepting words of insight. Like Jesus' parable of seeds and soil, words only take root and have power in us when we fully receive and believe them. We share examples of how believing certain words led to accomplishing dreams like getting out of debt and writing our book, Marriage After God. The enemy also knows that lies believed lead to deception and destruction. That's why we must be careful about the repeated messages we internalize from the world and own thinking. God provides abundant life-giving words and wisdom freely to those who ask. We present Scriptures on walking in blessing versus falling into worldly patterns. What words are shaping your beliefs, perception, and direction? Let God's Word and truth set you firmly on the path of life! Main Topics:
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Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 06 Feb 2025 | Leaving Planned Parenthood, The Truth About Life's Value, Creating a Legacy of Faith - w/ Abby Johnson | 01:07:52 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood director turned pro-life advocate and author. After witnessing an ultrasound-guided abortion in 2009, Abby left the abortion industry and has since helped over 700 abortion workers find new careers and embrace Christ. Now a mother of eight and author of the new children's book "What's in Mommy's Tummy?", Abby shares her powerful journey of transformation and discusses the importance of teaching children about the sanctity of life. In this powerful conversation, we explore:
Whether you're carrying the weight of past choices, seeking to build a strong biblical foundation for your children, or wanting to speak truth more boldly in today's culture, this conversation offers hope and practical wisdom for walking in God's grace and truth. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Abby Johnson:
Follow Marriage After God:
Support this podcast:
Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Abby Johnson, pro-life ministry, parenting wisdom, spiritual authority, biblical truth, children's ministry, Christian parenting, family values, abortion recovery, God's grace, redemption, biblical marriage, forgiveness Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 14 Jul 2023 | Before You Disagree Say I Understand | 00:45:43 | |
IntroductionIn this episode, we explore the power of understanding in marriage, focusing on the moments of vulnerability that allow us to truly know each other. We discuss the importance of delicate conversations that lead to understanding, reconciliation, or change. Join us as we share insights on how to handle these conversations for the sake of unity in marriage. Sponsor: Marriage After God Patron TeamThis episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team. These individuals have chosen to pay it forward and help financially support this show. To join, please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron. Also, sign up for our free daily prayer email at marriageprayerchallenge.com. Topic: Understanding vs Agreement in MarriageThe Importance of Understanding We delve into the concept of understanding in marriage, highlighting how it fosters empathy and builds connection, even without agreement. We discuss the difference between understanding and agreement, and how understanding can lead to trust, respect, and a stronger bond in marriage. Practical Application: How to Practice Saying "I Understand" We share practical tips on how to practice saying "I understand", including active listening, validating feelings, and speaking with love and respect. We also discuss how to navigate disagreements, find common ground, and maintain peace in the relationship. The Role of Prayer in Promoting Understanding We discuss the importance of praying for understanding, patience, and wisdom in marriage. Prayer can dissolve initial tension, provide a heavenly perspective, and keep us humble. ConclusionUnderstanding is a powerful tool in marriage. It allows us to truly know each other, navigate delicate conversations, and maintain unity. We encourage listeners to practice saying "I understand" and truly seek to understand before disagreeing in their marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 31 Aug 2023 | 20 Things You Should Never Forget In Marriage | 00:48:18 | |
Pre-order our 1-year marriage prayer devotional today! Themarriagegift.com Intro:
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 20 Jan 2020 | Why Suffering Is GOOD For Every Believer | 00:52:29 | |
I would imagine that suffering is not a very popular topic amongst most churches today but suffering is a vital and important part of every believer's life and It should not and cannot be a topic that is left out of our Biblical thinking. Suffering comes in many forms and our heart today is to discuss the biblical view of suffering and how it is a powerful mindset and tool in our lives. Download Free ThingTopic NOTESI have bee systematically teaching through 1st peter and last week we got to chapter 4:1- Devotional - what are we learning from the Word Romans 8 "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2 so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 3 For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry."
Romans 8 to explain whoever suffers … putting away of flesh is causing our flesh to suffer “want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. We have been freed from the “want to do” God gives us new desires new cravings. As we walk in our new selves it grows Define: Sensuality - Not just sexual FROM WIKIPEDIA: Hedonism is a school of thought that argues pleasure and suffering are the only components of well-being. Ethical hedonism is the view that combines hedonism with welfarist ethics, which claim that what we should do depends exclusively on what affects the well-being individuals have. Ethical hedonists would defend either increasing pleasure and reducing suffering for all beings capable of experiencing them, or just reducing suffering in the case Passions - Not just what are you passionate about in life Drunkenness - Not just being drunk from intoxication Removal of natural function - (Inhibition) Conscience Orgies - Not just a sexual experience HISTORICAL "secret rites used in the worship of Bacchus, Dionysus, and other Greek and Roman deities, celebrated with dancing, drunkenness, and singing." Drinking parties - Not just drinking at a party or hosting one intentionally Lawless Idolatry - All of this ends with self-worship PrayerDear Lord, Thank you for your word and how it cuts us to the heart. Thank you for teaching us through your word. We pray your word would continue to transform us as we learn it and choose to walk out all that you command us to. We pray we would be people who recognize parts of our hearts that need to change, sin that needs to be repented of, motivations that are not pure, and actions that do not reflect your ways for the purpose of repentance and reconciliation and growth. May your will be done in us and through us. May your light shine brightly through our marriages as we encourage one another to draw closer to you. In Jesus’ name, amen!
READ TRANSCRIPT - [Aaron] Hey, We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God.
- [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
- [Aaron] And today we're going to talk about why suffering is good for us. Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
- [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife.
- [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution.
- [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade
- [Aaron] And so far we have four young children.
- [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
- [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
- [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life.
- Love.
- And power.
- [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.
- [Jennifer] Together.
- [Aaron] Thank for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
- [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God.
- [Aaron] Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Marriage After God Podcast.
- [Jennifer] Hi.
- [Aaron] We love you guys. I just wanna say, the first episode of this season of this year, I think it got up to number 32 or 33 on the charts in iTunes. So that's all because of our listeners.
- [Jennifer] Thank you guys!
- [Aaron] Downloading all of these episodes, your guys rock, I just wanna say thank you.
- [Jennifer] Hopefully they liked it, you know, thought it was a good episode to kick off the year with.
- [Aaron] Yeah, if you liked it, share about the episode, take a screenshot of it, post it on Instagram, Facebook, tag us in it, we love seeing those.
- [Jennifer] @MarriageAfterGod.
- [Aaron] And we might even share about your post on our Instagram account.
- [Jennifer] That'd be awesome. Okay, so Aaron, why don't you just give a little update where you at, how's your week, what's going on?
- [Aaron] I think we talked about it last time. I'm starting to get up earlier. For a while I've been getting up around 5:30 and going to the gym, I've been doing that for a couple years now and recently I told you, Jennifer, that I wanted to get up even earlier.
- [Jennifer] I was shocked actually.
- [Aaron] To give myself an hour in the morning to get in the Word 'cause remarkably if I don't purpose to do it, it doesn't happen. So I figured what's the best way to do that.
- [Jennifer] Or your amount of time spent in it wasn't as much.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and so I figured the best thing to do would be get up earlier.
- [Jennifer] Okay, so now what does your morning routine look like?
- [Aaron] So I've been getting up a four, my alarm goes off at four, and then I hit snooze a couple times. I've been getting up around 4:20, 4:30.
- [Jennifer] Now, the first time you did it, I was woken up because usually you sneak out of the house pretty quietly.
- I turned the light on.
- You turned every light on.
- [Aaron] I didn't turn every light on.
- [Jennifer] It was so bright and then I was up at 4:30.
- [Aaron] What the problem was is I forget to set all of my stuff out the night before and I couldn't find anything.
- You weren't prepared.
- I wasn't prepared. You should always be prepared. If you wanna have a good morning routine.
- Good marriage.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- [Aaron] If you wanna have a good morning routine and a good marriage, prepare, put your stuff out, get everything ready that you're gonna be grabbing, so you don't have to look for it and scavenge.
- [Jennifer] And I'm just using it, I'm not even mad about it. I went back to bed.
- [Aaron] I mean I'm only a few days into it and it hasn't been terrible because I go to the gym now earlier and I'll say this, I really enjoyed going to Starbucks and sitting down, there's no one there, and getting into the Word, that was awesome. And also I started back up doing my intermittent fasting.
- [Jennifer] You did that for a while like a year ago.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and I only stopped because I was just trying to do something different, get more calories. But I'm going back to it because I feel like I got too much calories.
- [Jennifer] Okay.
- [Aaron] I really like intermittent fasting. And if you don't know what intermittent fasting is go look it up, it's pretty cool.
- [Jennifer] Why don't you just explain real quick briefly what you mean.
- [Aaron] Essentially you fast for 16 hours and then you have an eight hour window of eating. Essentially you just miss breakfast.
- [Jennifer] I was gonna say most of us fast throughout the night, but this is more intentional, don't have that before-bedtime snack or anything.
- [Aaron] Yeah, I'll usually not eat from seven o'clock until 11 or noon the next day. Which is not always easy.
- [Jennifer] You also fit in those calories at lunch and dinner 'cause you work out, they know you do CrossFit, you lift heavy weights so you need that energy.
- [Aaron] Yeah, I need enough. But it also does help me maintain how much I'm eating and it also makes me think about what I'm eating so I eat better instead of just spreading all those calories out. Anyways I've gotten back into that and kinda liking it.
- [Jennifer] Awesome, very cool. Okay you guys, we also wanna encourage you to sign up right now for the Marriage Prayer Challenge if you have not done that yet. It's really awesome. Aaron, how many couples have already joined?
- [Aaron] Almost 30,000 couples. There's actually a number counter on the sign up page, and it's a real number counter. I didn't make it up or faked it, it's actually counting people that sign up.
- [Jennifer] Okay, so you just go to MarriagePrayerChallenge.com you can sign up for the husband version or the wife version and what do they get?
- [Aaron] They're gonna get a email every day around the time that they signed up, giving them a prompt and a reminder to pray for their spouse.
- [Jennifer] Awesome, come on you guys, go sign up, it's awesome.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so it's MarriagePrayerChallenge.com. Completely free, just give us your email and your name and boom, you'll start getting those emails every day for 30 days.
- [Jennifer] So today's topic is on why suffering is good for us. And we're not just talking about physical suffering or sickness or things like that, but we're gonna get into, well we're just gonna get into something that you spoke on recently Aaron that really, really moved me because I love it when you can look at Scripture and see it a different way, I need that help sometimes, someone else coming in and going, "Hey, look at this, this is awesome." So I just wanna dig in. So this is kind of like a devotional style episode.
- [Aaron] Yeah, Jennifer and I came up with this idea to do one devotional focused episode every month and so this will be that one. And the topic is something I actually taught on this last Sunday. And you said, "Hey, we should "do an episode on that teaching." So that's what we're gonna do. We'll talk about stuff I brought up from Scripture and then you might have some questions for me, but it's pretty cool, and it's on a very small section of Scripture.
- [Jennifer] I'll say this, one reason that I love that you're my husband is that you teach me and I love that. I love that you can look at Scripture and teach me from it and so I'm excited about this episode because I feel like you're gonna have the opportunity to teach others with the same impact that you've had in my life just over this one Scripture.
- [Aaron] Well thank you, that's awesome.
- [Jennifer] Keep it up, Aaron.
- [Aaron] I wanna emphasize that my hope and prayer is that whenever I'm teaching the Word of God that it's not my opinion, not my own flavor of things, but that I'm just trying to clearly teach what the Word of God is saying. So I hope that's what I'm doing right now.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, it's good.
- [Aaron] So I'll just kick it off that the section of Scripture that we're going to be discussing is mainly from I Peter, chapter four. And it's only the first four verses, which is gonna be the chunk of what we're talking about. And it doesn't sound like a lot of Scripture, but there's actually a lot in here. We're also gonna dig into Romans eight, and that has a little bit more, so there's still a lot of reading.
- [Aaron] There's a lot of Scripture to help give context to these few lines of text. So are we gonna start out with you reading I Peter?
- Yeah.
- Like give 'em just the context of what we're going to be talking about?
- [Aaron] So it's actually verses one through three, I'm gonna read it right now, starting at verse one. "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, "arm yourselves with the same way of thinking. "For whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, "so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh, "no longer for human passions, but for the will of God. "For the time that is past suffices for doing "what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, "passions, drunkenness, orgies, "drinking parties, and lawless idolatry."
- [Jennifer] Okay, so before we jump into these set of Scriptures, can you just expand a little bit about when it comes to doctrine and universal doctrine?
- [Aaron] Yeah, so I start off this teaching actually on Sunday just explaining how when we come up with doctrine, which are the fundamental things that a believer should walk in, teach. These are the things that are core, doctrines in the Word of God. A doctrine, in order for it to be a doctrine, it's gotta be universal. You can't pull something from Scripture and say, "This is doctrine, but it doesn't apply "in Iran, it doesn't apply in Africa, "it doesn't apply in the suburbs."
- [Jennifer] Right, or just certain groups of people. Or certain churches.
- [Aaron] Right, so if we interpret or pull things from Scripture that isn't universally applied when taught then it's gotta be interpreted through universal doctrine. So that you can't just pull that and say, "Well, that's doctrine." And one example of this would be the prosperity gospel, this idea that God wants every single person to be wealthy, and perfectly healthy, which isn't backed up with Scripture at all.
- [Jennifer] We also don't see it in real life.
- [Aaron] Yeah, you don't see it played out. There's people all over the world that are not wealthy or healthy, but they love the Lord, God uses them, this is reality on both sides. We see Scripture, like in Ecclesiastes that God gives rain to the evil and the good, evil and the righteous. So there are certain things that he has a certain level of blessing on every person, he gives breath, he gives the sunlight, he gives rain, he gives food, sustenance, regardless of how they are. So the prosperity gospel in the sense of God wants you to prosper financially and with possessions doesn't work universally. But what does work, and this is where I ended off was the universal doctrine of suffering. Without suffering there is no salvation. Christ learned obedience through the things that he suffered. He says that believers will suffer.
- [Jennifer] Which kicks us off for this verse that you read, which I don't know if you wanna read it again.
- [Aaron] Yeah, it says, "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh," it doesn't say suffered in the spirit, he suffered in the flesh. It says, "Arm yourselves with this same way of thinking."
- [Jennifer] Not just some of you, not just you over there in the corner, arm yourself.
- [Aaron] Yeah, it tells every believer to arm themselves with this way of thinking of understanding the suffering of Christ.
- [Jennifer] And the suffering of the flesh.
- [Aaron] And the suffering in the flesh, which we're gonna get into. So when I say doctrine, this idea that suffering is a doctrinal teaching. We cannot subtract it from Scripture, we cannot subtract it from the Christian life. We cannot say, "Yeah, that's good, but only for Christ, "and then he doesn't want his children to suffer." He says, "If I suffered, you will also suffer. "They hated me, they're gonna hate you." These are all things that the Bible teaches and no matter where you go in the world, it doesn't matter where you live it should be something that is taught and understood by the believer this idea, this doctrine of suffering. But there's many types of suffering. And what we wanna talk about right now is what is this talking about. What am I arming myself when realizing Christ suffered? What's the weapon that I'm using? And what it is is an understanding of what suffering is for the believer and why it's so good for us in the varying aspects. 'Cause the first thing we think of probably is suffering, massive pain or loss, which is definitely a form of suffering. But really what suffering is at the base level is our flesh--
- Dying to ourselves, yeah.
- Yeah, dying. That's what suffering is. When Jesus says, "Take up your cross and follow me," the cross is the instrument of death of your flesh, your body. You put a body on it and it dies there. And so suffering in the sense that we're gonna talk about is not just this overtly physical suffering. It's telling our flesh no, that's suffering. And as we go through this scripture, we'll see that more and more. But that's what we wanna get the believer, everyone listening to understand is we shouldn't be running from suffering. We shouldn't fear the idea that our flesh is gonna endure some sort of discomfort and pain and that we're not gonna always get what we want and we're gonna have to tell ourselves no and these are all forms of telling our flesh no, it's suffering. The body suffers when it doesn't get what it wants, that's suffering. When you feel pain, it's something that the body doesn't want, which is why you get that pain signal saying, "Hey, this is not good, stop it."
- [Jennifer] Right, we really hope that this episode is encouraging to you guys and gives you a fresh perspective of how suffering is good for us, especially in context to our sin nature and the suffering of our flesh.
- [Aaron] Which is the exact purpose of this. Of putting away that sin nature and having the spirit of God win and not the flesh.
- [Jennifer] Do you wanna jump in to Romans eight?
- [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause Romans eight gives us a perfect context for the second part of the scripture that says "Arm yourselves with the same way of thinking." Right, so we realize that Christ suffered in the flesh, we can have the same way of thinking of recognizing the suffering of our flesh is a weapon against something. And it says, "For whoever has suffered "in the flesh has ceased from sin." And this can be taken very literally, which it should be, I think because if we have perfectly suffered the way Christ has we would have perfectly ceased from sin because once we're dead and gone with God there's no more sin in us. But we're in the flesh, so it says, "Whoever suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin," and I think Romans eight perfectly clarifies what this is saying, and it says this in Romans eight, verse one, "There is therefore now no condemnation "for those who are in Christ Jesus." First and foremost believer, believe this. "There is therefore now no condemnation "for those who are in Christ Jesus. "For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free "in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." So what has set you free from the law of sin and death? It's Christ and his Spirit, right? It says, "For God has done what the law, "weakened by our flesh, could not do. "By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh "and for sin he condemned sin in the flesh "in order that the righteous requirement of the law "might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to "the flesh, but according to the Spirit."
- [Jennifer] I feel like you should reiterate that last part.
- [Aaron] What he's saying is the law, which is good, and perfect, and righteous couldn't save any man because man has weak flesh. In our flesh we cannot fulfill the law. But Christ did fulfill the law in his own flesh. Right? And so what it's saying is that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us through the putting away of our flesh through Christ.
- [Jennifer] Right, I just love that last part that you just read, it says, "Who walk not according to the flesh, "but according to the Spirit," which is foundational to what we're gonna be teaching from I Peter and it's a choice, they're all choices, right?
- [Aaron] These are choices that the believer have because we've been set free, so we have the freedom to now choose righteousness rather than only being obedient to sin.
- [Jennifer] Right, and it's through our actions that we walk according not to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
- [Aaron] Right, so this says, "Walk not according to the flesh," so if you take anyone who has suffered in the flesh and say, "Anyone who walks not according to the flesh, "but according to the Spirit ceases from sin," that's kind of what this is saying. This is verse five, "For those who live according "to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, "but those who live according to the Spirit "set their minds on the things of the Spirit."
- [Jennifer] Okay, I gotta stop you again because I feel like there's often, I'm sure everybody can relate to this, but when you struggle with sin, and you wrestle with those temptations that come, your mind is on it, right, like when your mind is set on something that your flesh desires and wants to do it doesn't go away until either you do it or you tell it no.
- [Aaron] Which is suffering. And this is where we're trying to define this.
- [Jennifer] But that whole setting your mind, it starts there.
- [Aaron] And it says this, "For to set the mind "on the flesh is death, but to set the mind "on the Spirit is life and peace."
- [Jennifer] Raise your hand if you want life and peace.
- [Aaron] "For the mind that is set "on the flesh is hostile to God."
- [Jennifer] I don't want that.
- [Aaron] Hostile, like you're an enemy of God when your mind's on the flesh, "For it does not submit to God's law, indeed it cannot. "Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." So when the Bible tells us that the flesh and the Spirit are opposed to each other, are against each other, that's what this is saying. Saying when you're walking in the flesh you can't please God, you're an enemy. When you walk in the Spirit, you please God. And it's God's Spirit that we walk in. And then it says this, "You," believer, "however "are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, "if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. "Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ "does not belong to him. "But if Christ is in you, "although the body is dead because of sin, "the Spirit is life because of righteousness." So remember we said whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin? Let's put it this way, although the body is dead, suffered in the flesh because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. So the Spirit that God's put in us has brought to life our mortal bodies, and listen to this, verse 11, "If the Spirit of him "who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, "He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead "will also give life to your mortal bodies "through his Spirit who dwells in you." So I thought this Scripture perfectly illustrated what says right here when it says, "For whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. "So as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh "no longer for human passions, but for the will of God." So when we're gonna get more and more right now into this idea of suffering in the flesh, it's this idea of walking in the Spirit and not the flesh as Romans also says. When you gratify the desires of the flesh you cannot please God, right? But if you walk in the Spirit, you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Right?
- Yeah.
- [Aaron] So this is what this is getting to, Peter's talking here, and he's explaining how Christ suffering in the flesh has done this for us. Has given us a way to suffer in our flesh, not in a way of self-salvation because we can't, Christ already did it. His suffering was sufficient. But because of his suffering and from his own words 'cause he left and went home to be with the Father, he sent his helper, the Spirit, to work in us and through us for his will and his work in us. So what we can do now is we can learn to suffer in our flesh via the Holy Spirit. Meaning I don't gratify the desires of my flesh. So when you want a donut, I love donuts.
- [Jennifer] I love donuts.
- [Aaron] Or you want that new car, or you want your neighbor's thing, coveting, right? Or you want to avoid shame so you lie, these are all fruit of the flesh, these are all things to protect your flesh. I don't like the way that feels, I don't wanna be embarrassed, I don't wanna look shameful, I have pride, I don't want them to think this way about me. It's all the flesh, so suffering is, like here's a form of suffering in the flesh, humbleness. That's painful, humbling yourself. Getting down on your knees and saying, "I am this thing, I did this thing, I said this, "and I want to be forgiven by You." Like humbling yourself, recognizing you're not that great of a person is suffering, is telling your flesh no. I'd rather you suffer and my spirit be lifted up.
- [Jennifer] So you started out that little lineup of things that people struggle with was a donut so can you just explain, 'cause eating a donut doesn't have to deal with humility, what does it have to deal with?
- [Aaron] Well again, our flesh, and I explained this on Sunday, I was talking about how our brains work. Our brain matter, it's flesh, it's a compilation of cells and there's these chemicals that get released and you have sensors, and receptors, and you have all these things that God gave us to work a certain way, pleasure sensors and pain sensors and all these things, and those are all the flesh. Now what the point is is that you don't just shut 'em all off. It's to put them into submission to the Spirit. So a donut right, having a donut's not sinful. Like, oh, a donut's good. But not having any control and letting your senses control you is not walking in the Spirit, it's walking in the flesh. Like that See Food diet, I see food and I eat it. That's not having any control, the Spirit's not in charge, your conscience isn't in charge, it's, "Oh I see it and I'm gonna put it "in my mouth and eat it."
- [Jennifer] So the donut can represent a lot of different things.
- [Aaron] Think about pornography. Like you're not controlling your flesh. You're saying, "Flesh, you can have whatever you want."
- [Jennifer] That's not suffering.
- [Aaron] No, well we suffer in the Spirit.
- [Jennifer] And we suffer the consequences.
- [Aaron] Yeah, we suffer the consequences, but you're not causing your flesh to suffer, telling your flesh, "No, I don't want you to have it. "I know you want that, I know you crave it, "I know you think that's gonna be good for you, "but the Spirit of God that's in me says no."
- [Jennifer] That's good. Okay, so I wanna move on because there's a lot of clarity that comes from this next verse and how you broke it down, which is what impacted me probably the most out of this teaching. And so I'm gonna reread the verse, it's verse three, it says, "For the time that is past suffices "for doing what the Gentiles want to do," and I remember you stopped and said, "Underline that."
- Underline want to do.
- Want to do. 'Cause our flesh wants to do a lot of things. You just gave those examples. "Living in sensualities, passions, drunkenness, "orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatries.
- [Aaron] You've read this a lot, right?
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I've read this a lot, but I need to explain because I'm sure people relate to me on this. When you read certain scriptures, it's not that you don't say, "And I know I'm not perfect, "I know that there's sin in my life, "and I'm willing to have open eyes "and for God to reveal that to me, "but when I read this I go, 'well, I'm not really "'struggling with those things, "'I don't really have drinking parties or whatever.'" But you broke it down in a way that makes this verse relatable to all sinners. And so I wanna share that.
- [Aaron] And let's remember what the context of this is. Christ's suffering, being armed with this way of thinking, recognizing that our flesh, having our flesh suffer while walking in the Spirit is how we cease from sin, it is how we walk the way God wants us to. And so he gives the contrast, he says, "For the time that has past suffices for doing "what the Gentiles want to do." Now when it says, "Gentiles," it's meaning Godless people. Gentiles were anyone that wasn't a Jewish person. And so what he's pointing out is not specifically Gentiles, he's saying anyone doesn't have God, isn't walking with God. And want to do, saying this is the way they want to be. And then it says, "Living in sensualities, "passions, drunkenness," and what I did is I broke down what these things are.
- [Jennifer] And how they're all related.
- 'Cause they're specific.
- Yeah, they're very specific, and I didn't realize that they were even related. I just thought it was one of those lists, you know?
- [Aaron] Again, if you're listening and you have your Bible, the want to do part. Okay, it's want to live in sensuality, and passions, and drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry, right? And like you said, "Well see I don't "struggle with those things." And maybe someone like me that struggled with pornography might point out sensuality and passions like okay, yeah, but I've never done orgies, that's not me. But I wanna highlight that through Christ and his suffering and him giving us of his Holy Spirit we've been freed from the want to do, right? He's changing our desires to be his, he's giving us a hatred of sin because he hates sin.
- [Jennifer] And I think in conjunction, the convictions become stronger and so we hear the Holy Spirit loud and clear when we go to do something that we shouldn't be doing, right?
- [Aaron] Our prayer and constant desire should be that he's consistently giving us new desires and new cravings. I pray, "Lord, give me a craving for your Word." I don't naturally in my flesh have enough craving for God's Word, let alone reading. Sorry if you relate to that, reading's not something I just crave to do, but there's some people that love reading. But I want God to change those desires so the want to do is an amazing thing that God's freed us from that we're no longer slaves to sin. That's the want to do.
- [Jennifer] We're not slaves to our flesh.
- [Aaron] We're not slaves to our flesh, God severed that slavery with his Spirit. And now we can actually walk in that Spirit when we focus on that Spirit and we walk in his ways in his Word, that's how this works. So I'm gonna define some of these things. Sensuality, it's not just sexual. Our definition of sensuality is usually very sexual and this absolutely does mean sexual, sensuality. But it's not only sexual. Sexual's one sense. It's one sense being usually this physical pleasure.
- [Jennifer] That's what comes to my mind when I think about it.
- [Aaron] But sensuality in the biblical use is unbridled lust. Unbridled lust. This idea of lust, I see something, I take it. So think about your five senses, sensual, it's a sensation experience. You're looking for you five senses to be pleasured. I want my eyes to see the most beautiful things.
- [Jennifer] Or whatever I want them to see.
- [Aaron] Or whatever I want them to see. I want my hands to touch whatever is gonna make my mind feel good.
- [Jennifer] I want my mouth to say whatever I feel.
- [Aaron] Or taste, right? So you think about your five senses and sensuality is living to please your five senses with whatever pleases your five senses. That's what sensuality is. Often, sexual things encompass all of them, which is why it's usually accompanied with sensuality as a sexual thing because sexual things please pretty much all your senses. But food, music, all of these things, not that those things in themselves are sinful, I want everyone to clearly hear me. It's living in a way that you want your senses pleased. 'Cause that's the opposite of suffering. That's the opposite of suffering. It's living for pleasure in every sense. You want your five senses taken care of, and if anyone of them are hindered or hurt or suffer, you're not happy, and something's wrong, and God must be angry or I'm not close to God.
- [Jennifer] And you can see this in the flesh when you feel the conviction of either someone saying something to you about something that you're doing or the Holy Spirit just does it and you feel defensive. You immediately wanna justify that thing that it's not that bad, or that it's this or that it's that and you become, you wanna fight for it. There's gotta be a way that I can still have this in my life.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so example of this is you're doing something and you're not recognizing it, and a brother or sister in Christ comes up and says, "Hey, I noticed that you're talking a certain way "or you did this certain thing." And you're like, "Don't judge me, get out of my way." And you immediately feel like you've been judged or wronged or hurt. In reality, you're just getting checked in your spirit and your flesh doesn't like it.
- [Jennifer] I also wanna be realistic, most people don't say, "Don't judge me." What they'll do is say, "Oh, okay," and then never talk to that person again. They don't even communicate.
- [Aaron] Or say, "Well let's just agree to disagree instead of again, suffering the flesh, humbling yourself and saying, "Maybe there is something I need to grow on."
- [Jennifer] Or, "Man, that recognition alone just hurt. "And I'm gonna walk in that for a little bit "and see where God wants to take it."
- [Aaron] So I wanna read this, I read this from Wikipedia. It's the definition of hedonism, which by the way, is this idea of pleasure-centered living. Like I'm looking to please all my senses, hedonism. "And it's a school of thought," this is what Wikipedia says, "Hedonism is a school of thought "that argues pleasure and suffering "are the only components of well-being. "Ethical hedonism is the view that combines "hedonism with welfarist ethics, "which claim that what we should do depends exclusively on what effects "the well-being individuals have. "Ethical hedonists would defend "either increasing pleasure or reducing suffering "for all beings capable of experiencing them "or just reducing suffering." So think about that. It's as long as I'm not suffering, I'm happy. Or I wanna be pleasured, and if I can't have pleasure I just don't wanna suffer. Now I want everyone listening to think about that 'cause we have areas in our life, Jennifer and I, we were talking about this that we think this way. Like, "Oh, I'm good with all this as long as "I don't have to go without food for a day." Or "As long as I'm not gonna feel this pain over here "or I'm not gonna have to say no to my flesh in this area." Right, we all have this level of pleasure-centered focus or at least avoidance of suffering. That's what this idea of hedonism is.
- [Jennifer] Basically if we're living to pleasure our five senses we can't possibly be pleasing or pleasuring God.
- [Aaron] Exactly because he might ask us to do something that doesn't feel good. Right?
- Yeah.
- [Aaron] And so a litmus test is for us to ask ourselves in those situations when we feel like we're just, it doesn't feel good, something's going on, we're having this emotional, which I'm about to talk about, we can ask ourselves, am I trying to avoid letting my flesh suffer a little bit? Am I trying to avoid saying no to my flesh?
- [Jennifer] Okay, so the next one is passions and when I think of the word, passions, I immediately think of things that I'm either passionate about or people who've said--
- [Aaron] It's usually a positive thing, yeah.
- [Jennifer] "I'm just a passionate person." But yeah, it's usually a positive thing or maybe it has to do with extracurricular activities or something like that. But why don't you share more about that?
- [Aaron] So passions, the definition of passions in the dictionary is essentially uncontrolled or emotional outbursts. It's this like passion outburst of anger, which the Bible says wrath is not good, "The wrath of man does not produce "the righteousness of God." And wrath is an uncontrolled, emotional outburst. Or uncontrollable sadness, or uncontrollable joy or happiness. I'm just trying to get whatever emotions these are, out. And what this idea is is someone who lives purely off their emotions. Like, "Oh, I'm not happy, so things are wrong." But you know what, you know how many stories there are in the Bible of people that, like a lot of David's songs or him not happy. Now they still end joyfully 'cause he knows who his Lord is and his Redeemer, but he's in the muck and the mire. He's in a cave, cold and scared, the emotional, passionate person who lives by their emotions would say, "David was doing something wrong because he wasn't happy," but that's not true. David was right where God had him, he was doing what he could do in God's will. Now I'm not saying emotions are bad. God's given us all of these things. Our senses are good things. Our passions, our emotions are good things, but these are fleshly things, meaning if they're the things that drive us and dictate us then the Spirit of God is not.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I was just gonna say if someone's motivated to maintain a certain emotion or are drawn out of their emotions to act, they can't serve their emotions and serve God.
- [Aaron] A good example in Scripture says, "Be angry and do not sin."
- [Jennifer] So that's a perfect example of having and experiencing an emotion--
- [Aaron] But not letting it control you.
- [Jennifer] But not letting it control you and not acting out of it.
- [Aaron] Yeah, you know how hard it is to love someone who is harming you or doing you wrong? But that's what Scripture calls us to do.
- Because Christ did it.
- Because Christ did it. So, there's things that our emotions will want us to do, wrath, outbursts, laughter, like lots of things. But God wants the Spirit to be in control, not our emotions. And I wanna add to this, often, so based on the sensuality things when our five senses aren't being met with what they want that's when our emotions react. I'm hungry, you know the whole term, "I'm hangry." So you're having a sense, one of your five senses not being taken care of.
- [Jennifer] Your emotions heighten.
- [Aaron] And so you let your emotions go to get what you want, right? That is not being in self-control. That is not walking by the Spirit, that's walking in the flesh. And so I broke these down all like this to show us that this way of being is not the way the believer should be. That doesn't mean we're not gonna fall into our emotions at times, we're not to be these emotionless robots. What happens is God's given us a way to walk in the Spirit, even amidst the heaviest emotional times. Like sadness and brokenness and fear, and we can walk in the Spirit in those things.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, how do you submit those to God and walk righteously amidst feeling those really deep things?
- [Aaron] So it all goes back to the, men, this is a universal doctrine that it doesn't matter where you're at, it doesn't matter what you're going through, God has given you the freedom and through the Spirit of God to rise above those things and to appropriate those emotions where they belong. In your sadness to go to God and weep before him. And he says, "I've bottled up every tear." So knowing that we can actually run to the Father, "I'm so angry right now, God, take my anger from me. "Show me how to not be angry with my wife, or my husband."
- [Jennifer] My kids.
- [Aaron] Or we can just handle it ourselves and let's just take that emotion, and let's just--
- Run with it.
- Run with it. And what usually happens, and everyone's thinking about those things when they've let their emotions run, we regret it every time. And we look back and we say, "Well, that wasn't godly, "that was not what Christ would've done."
- [Jennifer] Or "Man, I just wish I was different." When we can be, it's just the choices we're making.
- [Aaron] So I wanna go on to the next part, which--
- [Jennifer] Feels like an obvious one.
- Right, drunkenness.
- Drunkenness. Well, it's not just intoxication though.
- [Aaron] Well, you're right.
- [Jennifer] It is, when you look up the definition, drunkenness, it's being intoxicated by something like alcohol.
- [Aaron] Right, and this is clearly talking about no believer should get drunk.
- [Jennifer] The Bible talks too much about being sober minded.
- [Aaron] And not being drunk specifically. So I do wanna clarify I'm not saying this doesn't mean you can go get drunk. No believer should be getting drunk ever.
- [Jennifer] All of these things mean what they are. They also have--
- Deeper spiritual meanings.
- Deeper spiritual meanings that we can apply to address our sinful nature.
- [Aaron] So let's talk about what drunkenness is. Yes, it's being drunk on alcohol or some sort of drug. Your mind, it's overtaken by something else, which is essentially what drunkenness is. You're allowing a substance, an external force to take over your flesh, that's what drunkenness is. You drink enough alcohol, what happens? The Bible talks about it, you start saying things you would never say out loud, you start acting a way you would never act.
- [Jennifer] I always say that or associated it with the word uncontrolled, like that person's uncontrolled right now, but I never considered the aspect of it you actually being controlled by that thing that you just ingested.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and I'll give an example, Proverbs 20, verse one says, "Wine is a mocker." So it's saying that the alcohol has an influence to cause you to mock. "Strong drink a brawler." Wants you to fight. All of these things are very fleshly things. "And whoever is led astray by it is not wise." So now nowhere in Scripture does it say you're not allowed to drink. Now some people will take it that way, and we're talking about alcohol so I'm just bringing it up. But 100% absolutely no believer should be getting drunk on anything. But the next thing I'm gonna talk about. And it says, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, "and whoever is led astray," so I've given myself over to this substance, this thing to now do what it wants with me. Like not as if it's a real person, but we have these basic, all these things that are talking about the flesh, we have these basic ways of being in the deep parts of us.
- [Jennifer] It's the way he designed us, like he designed us to--
- [Aaron] But he wants it under control. Not let go of. And so the other part I wanna say is in Ephesians five, 18 it says, "Do not get drunk "with wine," again there's a direct command, don't get drunk with wine, "For that is debauchery. "But be filled with the Spirit." So it's saying, don't let your flesh go by letting it be overtaken with wine, alcohol, other substances, but be filled with the Spirit of God.
- [Jennifer] This also shows that deeper spiritual meaning of what we're trying to show here when you talk about drunkenness because drunken by the Spirit, that sounds weird, but it's because of that deeper meaning that we're talking about.
- [Aaron] And at the base level of what drunkenness is, it's literally the removal of the natural functions that God's put in us, that inhibition in us, that conscience, that ability and restraint that is naturally in us to like, maybe there's something I wanna say, but I'm not gonna say it 'cause that's not appropriate. You're drunk and it just comes out of your mouth. So what you're doing is you're living in the sensuality way you want all your senses met, you're living with your emotions and then you wanna be drunk and you want to release the natural built in barriers that God's given you to protect you from doing or saying--
- [Jennifer] Sinful things.
- [Aaron] Yeah, things that don't honor you, don't honor others, don't honor God. And so again, it's like this, I wanna just let it all out, I don't want any control, it's the exact opposite of self-control. It's no control. Which then leads us into the awkward one, orgies.
- [Jennifer] Which everybody's thinking sexual experience.
- [Aaron] Which again, it means that.
- [Jennifer] It is, but it also means more than that.
- [Aaron] Right, if you look at orgies at the base idea of what an orgy is, it's overindulgence. So all the things we just talked about, it's doing all of it without restraint.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, no barriers, no limitations, as long as you want, as much as you want.
- [Aaron] Yeah, oh and that was another good donut.
- [Jennifer] That was a good box of donuts.
- [Aaron] Those two boxes of donuts were amazing, right, but of course I would feel gross after that. Or alcohol, like alcoholics, they don't restrain themselves. And we're talking about these things that go in the mouth, but think about anything. Anything in your life that you don't want any restraint on.
- [Jennifer] So it's overindulgence, and it's giving into your flesh, and you're never satisfied, you're never satiated.
- [Aaron] Yeah, when you're in the flesh--
- It's never enough.
- The flesh never has enough. You know who says this, Solomon says it in Ecclesiastes one, eight. It says, "All things are full of weariness, "a man cannot utter it. "The eye is not satisfied with seeing, "nor the ear filled with hearing."
- [Jennifer] Okay so just that made me think of the porn industry. They get hooked at an early age, but then it's not enough to gratify what their eye is seeing, so it gets worse and worse, deeper and deeper into these things that are just wicked.
- [Aaron] And worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.
- [Jennifer] And still yet never satisfied.
- [Aaron] And this is like the exact opposite of what Christ wants for us. In that verse it says, "The time has past that suffices," means we've done enough of this. Literally he's saying that we have freedom from this unsatisfied, never ending cycle.
- [Jennifer] Well, what did Christ say to the woman at the well?
- [Aaron] Oh, yeah, so the woman comes to him and she asks for water and he says, "If you would ask me I would have given you water "that you would never thirst again." And she says, "Where's this water, give it to me."
- [Jennifer] So it's this contrast of allow your flesh to rule you and never be satisfied or walk in the Spirit and be who you are in Christ with freedom and be completely satisfied.
- [Aaron] Right, and Christ, God wants us to be satisfied in him alone. And so when we walk in the flesh, like this idea of orgies it's like I just wanna go somewhere that's gonna give me everything I want and as much of it as I can. And this is not the way of the believer. We are satisfied, completely satisfied in Christ. And so this was a historical note, I saw when looking up this idea of orgies, which I did very carefully by the way.
- [Jennifer] Which if you think about that.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and historically the word comes from, it's a Greek word, orgia or something like that, but what it was was it was a ritual, secret rites used to worship a Roman god. And the Roman god was the god of grapes and vines and caused men to be crazy. So it's this idea of when we have this way of being, we're like, "I just wanna go and I wanna throw "all my inhibition out, and I wanna drink, "and I wanna eat, and I wanna have fun, "and I want my five senses pleased, "and I wanna just be happy." You're literally worshiping something other than God. That's this idea when you walk in the flesh in this way. So we're gonna go to the next one, there's two more, we're almost done. Drinking parties, and this idea of drinking parties is exactly what it says, these parties that you're just going to get drunk.
- [Jennifer] Again, in reading the list in Scripture I skip over 'cause I go, "Well, I'm not doing that."
- [Aaron] But the deeper idea is parties meaning multiple, meaning many others, meaning you're inviting others to partake in all of this way of being. That's the way that the people that don't know God, the Bible says, "Don't associate with the wicked "for they can't even seep until they've caused bloodshed "or until they've caught people in their snare." Like these ideas of drawing others into the same way of living fleshly.
- [Jennifer] And it can be as simple as you're sitting in a room full of friends and you start gossiping. The invitations can be subtle, but I think that the reason people do it is because they don't want to do it alone, they don't want to be alone in their sin. They're seeking approval so if I can get so and so to do it along with me, then there's this sense of approval that it's okay. Or maybe wrestling with the shame and guilt that comes with sin that you wanna forget about and so you have others join in, I mean there's a lot of different reasons why.
- [Aaron] Well, I'll give a great example in my own life, and it's something I'm not proud of, but when I was deep into pornography, and I would meet new men in churches there were pastors or they were like older or wiser and deep down inside either I thought, "There's no way that he's not addicted to pornography "just like me," or I hoped that he was because I didn't want to be the only one. And I thought, "No, every single one "of these guys does too."
- It's so broken.
- It's so broken. So in my mind, this drinking parties idea, this idea of like, "Oh, we're in this together. "He's a sinner like me and he does the same things as I do, "and I actually hoped he did."
- [Jennifer] I think this is a good time to caution us to evaluate ourselves. Are we inviting others to partake in sin that maybe we're not recognizing as sin or we've pushed away that conviction from the Holy Spirit and let's ask God this week, "What areas of my life "have I been inviting people to partake "in with me that aren't righteous?"
- [Aaron] Well, it first takes that self-evaluation of like, "God, is there anything "in me that you want out of me?" A good example in the marriage, do you remember when we were going through financial stuff? I would let you spend the way we probably shouldn't spend knowing that it would let me spend the way I wanted to spend.
- [Jennifer] Right, 'cause then when you would request something I would have to say yes.
- [Aaron] Because I'd be like, "Well, I let you get your thing." And essentially we were just pulling each other down.
- [Jennifer] That's really good. So in marriage that's often where the invitation starts.
- [Aaron] Keyword, drinking party. Don't invite me, just kidding.
- [Jennifer] Don't invite me.
- [Aaron] Last thing, lawless idolatry. Everything we just walked through is lawless idolatry and here's why. It's self-worship.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, how I feel, what I want--
- [Aaron] Is god.
- [Jennifer] Well, it should be God.
- [Aaron] No, what I was saying is what you feel and what you want is god, is your god.
- [Jennifer] Right, is your god. But what we should be saying is--
- [Aaron] "God, what you want." "God, do you want me to be hungry right now?" And I keep talking about these physical things because this is the idea.
- [Jennifer] Well, that's where it starts.
- [Aaron] We are to be spiritual people. Jesus told the woman at the well that same story. She's talking about where they worship 'cause she was a Samaritan, he's a Jew and he says, "There's gonna be a day "that you will neither worship there or here, "but my people worship me in spirit and in truth." Not worshiping in passions and sensuality and as Jude says, and that happens even in the church. I'm gonna worship God with my senses, and if I don't sense God and feel God, and my senses aren't being met and pleasured by the Spirit of God then I must be far from God. But you know what, there's many people in the Bible that were in the pit. I think of Paul, and he's singing worship songs, naked and cold in prison. In that moment most people would be like, "I don't feel close to God. "He's not helping me, this doesn't feel good." But Paul knew exactly who his savior was and he knew that what he was dealing with as he says in Scripture, he says, "For I have ascertained that my current suffering "is nothing to be compared with the coming glory." What that means is that this temporary suffering, the little bit of saying no in my flesh, the little bit of pain that I feel, the little bit of depraving of my own desires for the sake of God's will and God's thing that he wants done in my life and in others is so little to be compared with the glory that I'm gonna experience when he returns.
- [Jennifer] Which is a hopeful message for us as Christians. We should hear that and be like, "Yes, we're in agreeance here." We should be willing to suffer, and this is why suffering in the flesh is good for us.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and a lot of people don't like talking about suffering, but this again is a universal doctrine that Christians should understand and walk in that my flesh does not get to win in my life.
- [Jennifer] And when we feel those convictions from the Holy Spirit going day to day, whatever it might be, when you don't tell yourself no, you're putting yourself in a place of worship that you should not be in. You're idolizing yourself, you're saying, "God, I'm more important that you."
- [Aaron] My comfort's more important that your will. My pleasure's more important that your Word. And so each one of these is like this progress of worshiping self verses Creator. Worshiping the creation rather than the Creator. My comfort, my pleasures, my senses are much more important than what God's doing in my life.
- [Jennifer] A dangerous place to be.
- [Aaron] And a good example of this is the reason why many people have a hard time getting out of debt or quitting certain addictions or making life changes is because that's too difficult for my flesh to handle, even though God's like, "But I'm gonna "give you the strength to do it."
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I think too, just to shed a little bit more perspective on this idea of suffering, I think sometimes we only go so far to see what we would suffer in the midst of saying no to our flesh. So like it's that little bit of--
- [Aaron] "I tried."
- [Jennifer] Yeah, but we see what suffering equals when we say no to our flesh, but we don't look beyond that to see what suffering looks like when we don't say no to our flesh, the consequences, the hurt, the pain, the death, the sin that comes.
- [Aaron] The shame.
- [Jennifer] Because of the choices that we make. And that's what all of this, of what we're talking about today comes down to choice. You're gonna choose to walk in the Spirit or you're gonna choose to gratify the desires of the flesh.
- [Aaron] And you know what believer, you're listening to this?
- [Jennifer] You have been set free.
- [Aaron] Yeah, you're not a slave to sin and death. We can choose to walk in the Spirit that God's given us. He dwells in us, giving life to our mortal bodies. How amazing is that? So this isn't a go suffer and find your righteousness through just self-depravity and self-abasement. That's not what we're talking about. There are some faiths and some religions that believe that. If you just make yourself suffer enough, you'll be righteous. Now the point is we're already righteous, and the way a righteous person walks with the Spirit of God is we don't gratify the desires of our flesh. And when we do, we recognize it, we repent, and we say, "Thank you, Lord, for forgiving me. "And give me your power to walk better next time "to beat that thing that is in my life "because you have beat it on the cross."
- [Jennifer] Amen, so here's the charge for us this week and forever. And it's that first part of that verse that you started us off with there and it's, "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh," our Christ, our Lord, our Savior suffered in the flesh, "Arm yourself with the same way of thinking." We have to think like him.
- [Aaron] This current fleshly body we live in is temporary and the simplest way to put this is Jesus says, "Take up your cross and follow me." The cross is the instrument of the death of our flesh. So let's crawl up on that cross and let's take it with us and let's ask the Holy Spirit, "Lord, teach me. "Teach me how to say no to my flesh "when it craves things that are in opposition to you." Some of us struggle with pride, I just wanna throw that one in there, that's a flesh thing. That's pride, that's the flesh wanting to be elevated and recognized, rather than humbled and God being recognized. So we always end in prayer. Jennifer, why don't you pray for us?
- [Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for your Word and how it cuts us to the heart. Thank you for teaching us through your Word. We pray your Word would continue to transform us as we learn it and choose to walk out all that you've commanded us to. We pray we would be people who recognize parts of our hearts that need to change, sin that needs to be repented of, motivations that are not pure, and actions that do not reflect your ways for the purpose of repentance and reconciliation and growth may your will be done in us and through us, may your light shine brightly through our marriages as we encourage one another to draw closer to you. In Jesus's name, amen.
- [Aaron] Amen, we love you guys, and we thank you for joining us this week. Please consider leaving us a review and a star rating. You just gotta go to the bottom of your podcast app and tap one of those stars and leave a review, we love those, and they help other people find the episodes, find the podcast. And also don't forget to get the free Marriage Prayer Challenge, MarriagePrayerChallenge.com. See you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also if you're interested you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at MarriageAfterGod.com. And let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 10 Apr 2025 | New Thought Deception, The Danger of Happy Lies, Finding Truth in Scripture - w/ Melissa Dougherty | 01:09:15 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Melissa Dougherty, author of "Happy Lies" and Christian apologist with over 285,000 YouTube subscribers. Melissa shares her remarkable journey from New Thought spirituality to biblical Christianity after being deceived by metaphysical teachings that masqueraded as Christian wisdom. Now through her ministry, books, and videos viewed over 18 million times, she helps believers identify and reject what she calls "a stealthy message of encouragement to live your truth, seek happiness, find your identity through sexual freedom, and think your desires into existence—often with the name of Jesus attached as an endorsement." In this enlightening conversation, we explore:
Whether you're questioning beliefs you've unknowingly adopted, supporting someone caught in deceptive teachings, or simply wanting to strengthen your discernment against what Melissa calls "happy lies," this conversation offers biblical wisdom and practical steps for recognizing truth in our self-obsessed world. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Melissa Dougherty:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Melissa Dougherty, New Thought, New Age, biblical discernment, spiritual deception, Happy Lies, law of attraction, manifestation, prosperity gospel, Christian apologetics, biblical truth, spiritual warfare, testing spirits, divine image, metaphysical Christianity, toxic positivity, progressive Christianity, self-empowerment, spiritual counterfeits Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 18 Jul 2024 | How Your Marriage Mirrors Heaven's Greatest Love Story | 00:49:38 | |
In this final episode of our JESUS Series, we explore the profound topic of the eternal Marriage of Christ and His Bride, and its significance in our earthly marriages. Join us as we discuss this beautiful mystery and its impact on our relationships. In today's episode, we examine: • The concept of the Eternal Marriage and God's plan • New Testament imagery of Christ and the Church as Bridegroom and Bride • Key scriptures including Ephesians 5:22-33 and Revelation 19:6-9 • How our earthly marriages reflect the heavenly union of Christ and the Church • The symbolism of love, sacrifice, faithfulness, and union in both divine and human marriages • Practical implications for husbands and wives in living out this biblical model We also discuss how Paul used marriage imagery to encourage early Jewish Christians, and explore the question of marriage in heaven. This episode offers valuable insights into how God's plan for marriage unfolds through scripture, providing a deeper understanding of both our earthly relationships and our spiritual connection with Christ. Whether you're newly married, have been together for years, or are single and curious about God's design for marriage, this episode offers rich, biblical teaching on the subject. Join us as we conclude our JESUS Series with this powerful exploration of divine and human love. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Topics Discussed in the Episode: - The Eternal Marriage and its significance - Biblical imagery of Christ and the Church - Key scriptures on marriage and their spiritual meanings - Practical applications for Christian marriages - The future Marriage Supper of the Lamb Connect with Us: Follow us on Instagram: Marriage After God - https://www.instagram.com/marriageaftergod Unveiled Wife - https://www.instagram.com/unveiledwife Husband Revolution - https://www.instagram.com/husbandrevolution Ways to Support This Podcast: Visit our shop: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/ Become a patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Jennifer Smith, Christian marriage, eternal marriage, Christ and the Church, biblical marriage, spirituality in marriage, faith-driven life, biblical interpretation, marriage enrichment, faith and family, religious podcasts, spiritual growth, Christian podcasters, marriage advice, exploring faith, theological insights, deepening faith, understanding scripture, Christian lifestyle, engaging discussions, podcast reviews, episode guide, listener engagement. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 19 Dec 2018 | The Strength That Joy Brings To Our Homes | 00:39:39 | |
Some stories of joy in our home with practical tips to cultivate a habit of joy in our homes. Support This podcast by purchasing one of our marriage books today: READ: [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] Today we're gonna talk about the strength that joy brings to our home. Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] So far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life. Love. And power. [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. Together. Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. Thank you so much for joining us this week on the Marriage After God Podcast. If you've been enjoying this podcast and enjoying the content, would you just scroll to the bottom of the app and leave a star rating review? This just helps other people find the Marriage After God Podcast, and we'd really appreciate that. [Aaron] Also, if you wanna support our podcast, we don't really do ads. We may in the future, but our goal is to not do ads. One of our ways of not using ads to support the podcast is we have written books, and we sell those books. If you're interested in checking out our marriage resources, our prayer books, our devotionals, you can go to shop.marriageaftergod.com, and picking up a book from our store supports us in the production of this podcast. Also, our Marriage After God book, that comes out next year, is available for pre-order, and so if you go to shop.marriageaftergod.com you'll see, in the very top-left corner of the site, a way to pre-order our book. That would just be really awesome. We'd really appreciate that. Let's get into the icebreaker question, which is what is one funny memory from when we were dating? [Jennifer] Hmm. I can't think of a specific one at the moment, but what does come to mind is we spent a lot of time serving in youth ministry. Oh yeah. A lot of time. We were youth leaders. Yeah, and we... [Aaron] At good old Church on the Hill, Norco, California. [Jennifer]We played a lot of games. We laughed a lot. We ate weird things. We'd have contests and challenges, and there were just things that we did for the kids' sake, but we had a lot of fun doing together. That was-- Remember the lock-ins? We would just have overnights. Yup, over-nighters. [Aaron] We would stay up all night, do milk-chugging contests, and... [Jennifer] Gosh, that does not sound fun now. [Aaron] No it doesn't How did we do that? Back then, it was the highlight of our week. I feel like we just came alive in those times. We looked forward to it all year, to do those events. Yeah. Every Wednesday we just came alive during that time, and I fell in love with you, knowing that you had fun participating in that way, being silly... Little junior high kids and high school kids. Yeah, being silly or playing, it wasn't dodge-ball, what was it called? [Aaron] Oh, what... [Jennifer] Murder-ball? [Aaron]Yeah, we called it murder-ball. [Jennifer] We called it murder-ball because it was-- It was just dodge-ball, but we changed the name. ...dodge-ball on steroids, and we had a lot of balls-- There was no line. You just ran around the room, throwing balls at each other. [Jennifer] You guys would throw them so hard. These poor-- I know [Jennifer] ...13-year-old girls would get nailed [Aaron] But they kept playing it. None of them cried. They were crazy. I forgot about that. Murder-ball I loved that. I loved dating you because you were fun, and you're still fun. Yeah. I got a little not fun over the years, but I've learned to change in that area. I'm still learning, but that's kinda what our episode's about, is not just fun, but joy, but how fun cultivates joy and how we can actually cultivate environments of joy in our home. Let's get to the quote from today, and it's from the book For Better or for Kids by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. Ruth Schwenk's from The Better Mom, and you said you loved this book. Mm-hmm It's about family and the power that God's given us in our homes. [Jennifer] Yeah, and the quote is on page 37, and it says, "While married life with children "can be challenging, we have reason to hope "and to be encouraged. "There is a way forward, a way through, "and a way beyond all of the craziness. "God's Word has not changed. "The promises of his Word still stand. "Is being married with kids messy? "Yes. "Does God have a purpose and plan in the midst of it all? "Of course he does. "And do we enjoy taking part in this crazy, "life-changing, impossible mission of parenting? "Absolutely." That's great 'cause that sums it up pretty good. Parenting's hard. It is crazy. Marriage and parenting is hard. [Jennifer] It is messy. It's all of the above, and yet, God's Word-- But joy. ...still stands. Yeah. And we can enjoy it. And we can enjoy it, which is something that we're learning day-by-day how to do. Mm-hmm We've talked about kids a lot on our show and just the hard things and the fun things, but today we wanna talk about joy, cultivating joy in our home, having fun in our home, and how that joy brings strength to our home and our walk and our mission in life. [Jennifer] Yeah, I think that sometimes we can be so caught up in making sure that everything that we're trying to order or manage is happening, and we become kind of like the officers in the home of making sure everyone's doing what they're supposed to be doing. Even when it comes to our work, we have this rigid schedule of things that we need to get done, and it's kind of on our timeline, and yet we have kids pulling on our elbows, saying, "Dad, come check out this LEGO thing I built," or Olive wanting to dance with you. Where life becomes more mechanical and clunky rather than organic. It's life. It's something that we're experiencing, not controlling. That's kinda what I'm hearing. That's what I'm feeling, is we could get into this mode that life's just one check list after another, one check box after another, the right next step, which is not-- It comes from a good place. [Aaron] Yeah, it's not terrible to think that way at times and to try and walk correctly, 'cause that's the goal, is we're trying to walk well. We're trying to walk as disciples of Christ, living out what the Bible tells us. Then, where's joy? Where's joy fall in all that? Yeah. We actually, I was really encouraged this last week in the woman's Bible study that I got to go to. The whole topic was about soul-filling joy and the things that we can do as moms to fill our hearts up during the week and, like you said, not just have a list that we're checking off, even though that comes from a good place and we want to make sure that we're managing our homes well, but are we doing things that also fill us up and bring a smile to our face? Because that's gonna overflow into our relationship with our kids. It's gonna overflow into our marriages and give that liveliness that God intends for us to have. [Aaron] What you're saying reminds me of the verse in Isaiah 40:31. It says, "But they who wait for the Lord "shall renew their strength. "They shall mount up with wings like eagles. "They shall run and not be weary. "They shall walk and not faint." [Jennifer] Yeah. I've experienced this in my own life, where I do something that brings a lot of joy to my life, and it does renew my strength. There is something physical that happens to you when you experience the joy of the Lord and you experience his strength fill you up and renew you, and I think that's why it's so important to be talking about joy. Have you experienced this? [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause we can get, if we look at our life as just a series of actions taken, a series of checks to be checked off, steps to take, and it's just this mechanical thing that we're moving forward and yeah, maybe we're doing good things, but if we forget why we're doing it and who we're doing it for, it gets very tiresome because essentially, we're doing it in our own strength. We run on fumes. We're told to fill our jars up to overflowing, and we fill that up with the living water, which is Christ, with the Word of God, with prayer, with getting away, quietness. When the Bible talks of prayer, when Jesus says pray, he says go into your closet. He says get away. When I think about getting away, Jesus often got away. It says that he went up by himself into desolate placesand he, early in the morning and late into the evening, so I just-- But he was intentional with his time. Yeah. It wasn't just, "I'm gonna go and be quiet somewhere," which actually, for some people is probably really filling for them, just being quiet somewhere, sitting at a park, people watching or something. Not me. This isn't just about doing something that's fun necessarily. It's a wholistic view of waiting on God because we know that we need him. We need a rest in him, and that gives us strength, and it gives us joy and the power to go on another day, not just go on but to cheerfully and joyfully go on. [Jennifer] I feel like we all need to be reminded that there's gonna, in life, we will all experience hard times. We will all experience those-- [Aaron] Yeah, James makes that very clear Yeah, those times of wrestling, where God's revealed sin in your life that you're repenting of, and you probably feel down for, but you know you're being transformed in-- [Aaron] Or when he's calling out character issues in us, really hard things. Character issues, maybe financial stresses, or maybe the loss of a loved one, there are so many different types of trials that people walk through, and yet I feel like just because we experience hard times doesn't mean we can also experience joy. I think that's the difference between happiness and joy because happiness is a feeling, and it's an emotion that we have the... Capacity to experience. Right, thank you That's a byproduct of joy, I would imagine. Right, joy's deeper. Joy comes from within, but it's also because God is in our hearts, and he's the one that makes it possible to both enjoy, he's the one that makes it possible to experience joy while in the midst of hardship, at the exact same time. Maybe there isn't any hardship in your life right now, and you, like you said earlier, are just kind of going through the motions and being kind of mechanical-- I actually feel like sometimes when we're going through good seasons, or easy seasons I should say, often, we find ourselves being more discontent. It's easier to forget to walk in joy or something. I've experienced that with us. That's interesting. I realize, I'm like, "Well, there's nothing really hard "going on in our life. "Why are we feeling like this right now?" [Jennifer] In today's episode, we really just wanna inspire you guys to consider joy. Maybe it's something that you haven't thought of, or maybe it's something that you've already been thinking of, and we can just come in as part of that support to say, "Yes, this is the right way. "This is what we should be thinking about. "This is what we should be doing" because a marriage after God has joy. [Aaron] When you walk in the Spirit, what's one of the fruits of the Spirit? Joy. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and so, when we walk in the Spirit, fruit of that will be joy in our life. I was just thinking about the difference between happiness and joy. I feel like happiness is an earthly experience that comes out of the eternal understanding of joy. Joy is an eternal concept. It comes from hope, hopes of things that are things that are unseen. It's something that goes beyond the current experience because you can have joy even in really hard things because it's based on something eternal, where happiness is based on something temporary. That's good. Something that we experience just right now for this moment. Our goal should never be just seeking happiness. That's called hedonism, just looking for happiness. Our goal should be enjoying the fruit of the Spirit, which one of them is joy. [Jennifer] What I was gonna say was that it benefits our children so much. I was just thinking about how you could just, I feel like kids are so expressive. Their little bodies can reveal so much about what they're feeling, that joy is just one of those things that you can see in kids. It's so evident. Yeah, I wonder how many of our listeners grew up in joyless homes, grew up in homes that were full of strife, anxiety, fear, and how much joy would've benefited the home. They're probably thinking right now, "Man, "I wish my family was joyful. "I wish when I grew up I experienced joy." [Jennifer] If that's you listening right now, I just wanna tell you that you don't have to live according to the past and feel like you're stuck. You can change. [Aaron] Today, we talked about this last episode, you can change today [Jennifer] What a benefit it would be, what a testimony it would be to the power of God in your life. [Aaron] In our home, like I said, over the years, I kind of, there was a season of my life that, and it was probably because of sin I was walking. It was probably 'cause of discontentment issues that we had, character flaws, things that God was growing in us, but I feel like I had a hard time having fun. I had a hard time being joyful. I loved God, and there was times I was joyful, but it wasn't a default state for me. I was pretty Scrooge-y. Is that the word? Not just because Christmas is coming, but just I think people called me Scrooge-y just 'cause I was not very joyful. I don't want that for my family. What are some ways that we over the years have been cultivating joy in our home and that our listeners can take home and try? [Jennifer] We should just tag-team this and kind of go down the list of things, but-- This isn't the definitive list. I actually tried coming up with as many as I could, but I'm sure there's other things that we might think of as we talk about these. [Jennifer] Probably. We do have, we're in a season of young kids, and so a lot of what you probably will hear probably sounds, I don't know... Silly? Silly, 'cause it is. They are silly [Jennifer] They are silly, but I think the important thing to note here is that these are just ways that we have tried to be intentional in cultivating a space in our home, in our lifestyle, that cultivates joy. One of those things is fort building. I actually did that this morning with the kids. [Aaron] The kids love it. We have a couch that's perfect for fort building. The pillows are huge. They're sturdy, so they make really good roofs and walls. I only believe in building big forts. I don't know why people build small forts. It's not worth it to me. I came home the other day-- Go big or go home [Aaron] I came home the other day, and the entire living room was a fort. [Jennifer]You have to use every chair, every blanket-- All the chairs ...every pillow... The couches were on their sides, the pillows-- Maximize the-- [Aaron] ...were stacked up high, and you guys were watching a movie inside We were watching a movie inside, yeah. You're like, "We're in our movie theater. "You wanna come in?" I'm like, "Uh, I don't know if I'll fit," but it was pretty huge, so I probably would've. It was pretty amazing. I think I actually storied it on Instagram 'cause it was-- Probably. [Aaron] I was really impressed with that fort building. Thanks. That's one thing that we do. The kids love it, and it's fun because they're still pretty young. They could build one themselves, but they never make them as good as we make them. [Jennifer] A little tip for fort building, if you get a colorful quilt or one of those knitted blankets that are made-- Have holes in them. [Jennifer] Yeah, they're just really fun for the light to come through, and-- [Aaron] It looks like stained glass windows. It does. I always say, "Look at the stained glass windows." [Jennifer] You need to share the one minute of crazy 'cause this is more new. This is a newer thing. But it works. It's our one minute of crazy, and we've been doing it, we don't do it every night, of course, but when I feel like my kids just got extra jitters in them-- Or extra screams. [Aaron] ...what I'll do is I'll say, "Okay guys, I want everyone to," I'll be a little stern about it, "I want everyone to stand right here in a line." They stand there, they're like, "Okay, what's gonna happen?" Then I'll turn the music on our jam box really loud, and I'll say, "All right, I want you guys "to get as crazy as possible for one minute." Then the whole time, I'm telling them to get louder and louder and louder, and they're screaming, and they get actually tired. When they're done, they're like, "Why'd you have us do that?" I'm was like, "Wasn't that fun?" The first time you had them do it, it took them about 15 seconds to, is Dad joking, or-- Yeah, they didn't know. [Jennifer] They're looking at each other, like, "Should we be screaming?" [Aaron] That's probably because of my history of not being very fun. It was awesome. Yeah, but it did take them a few seconds to actually, they're like, 'Wait a minute, are we gonna get in trouble?" [Jennifer] It's a great thing to do, not right before bed, but leading up to bedtime. [Aaron] I liked it right before bed because I feel like they weren't quite ready for bed, and this pushed them over the edge 'cause they were tired, and they also felt like they got all of it out of them. Sometimes it's hard to calm them down afterwards, but that's okay [Jennifer] I wanna share another one. This comes from my childhood. My mom and stepdad would always do this. They still do it. It's so funny. If someone comes home and walks through the door, or even out from the bathroom or bedroom-- Is this where it came from? Yeah. Oh. [Jennifer] Whoever notices it goes, "Quick, pretend you're asleep" Wherever they're sitting. Wherever you're at, just kinda drop your head, close your eyes, and try as hard as you can not to smile. [Aaron] Wyatt is so bad at it. Wyatt's our two-year-old. He just turned two. But he still tries, and it's so cute. He'll be in his little white chair, and I'll walk in, and everyone's got their heads tilted to the side with their eyes shut-- [Jennifer] Sometimes we'll be at the kitchen table, and we'll be eating breakfast when Aaron comes home, and I'm like, "Quick, pretend you're asleep," and everyone just kind of limps their head to the side. But then, I look over, and Wyatt, he has his head back-- He's just looking at you. He has his head back, and his eyes half shut, and he's smiling 'cause he doesn't get it, but he's trying. I'm like, "Are you guys sleeping?" And Wyatt's smiling at me the whole time. [Jennifer] This is one of those things, I love it 'cause it's from my childhood, so I love that my kids have kind of owned it. Olive is usually the first one now to say it. Oh yeah. "Pretend you're sleeping." [Aaron] "Quick, we're sleeping," and then everyone, she'll put her head down even if no one notices. She gets mad if you don't, no she gets mad if you don't do it. [Aaron] She does it so fast, no one notices, and she is the only one pretending to sleep. It's really funny 'cause then, let's say Dad walks through the door, "Oh no, everyone fell asleep," or we get up really fast and go, "Boo!" It's just fun. Yeah, on the same note of the spontaneous sleeping, the narcolepsy game, we'll often do, I'll get home early after the gym or something, and it'll be super quite in the house, and I think everyone's asleep. I'm tippy-toeing, and I get in the bedroom, and every-- There's just a mountain under the bed. Yeah, and every single person in my family is under the covers in my bed. They're all hiding from me and What's funny, even once the blanket goes over our heads-- I almost jumped on Elliot the other day 'cause I didn't know he was in the bed. Even Truett will be laying there, and the moment the blanket goes over his head, he kinda gets all wide-eyed and smiley-- Like, "What's happening?" Yeah, what's happening. Those are just fun ways to bring instantaneous giggles. And they're short things, they're easy things, and it's something that, they become part of our family, these little things. Our kids look forward to it. They're the ones that instigate all of these things now. Another little tip to help cultivate joy in the home is to not worry about messes so much. That doesn't mean that we don't clean up and have organization and self control, which is something Jennifer and I are trying to get better at, being organized and clean in our house, but if we're always trying to be tidy, it really doesn't leave any room for fun. [Jennifer] We're gonna miss those opportunities where, maybe one of the kids is playing with LEGOs and would love some help, or wants to just get creative with you-- [Aaron] Or throwing pillows around the house for a little bit, or having blankets on, like forts. You can't have it both ways. [Jennifer] We built a fort this morning, like I said, and it's middle of the day right now, it's nap time, and-- And it's still messy out there It's all messed up. It's all messed up. It's one of those things where it's like, "Well, maybe they'll build another one later," and that has to be okay. [Aaron] Something I've realized is that if I'm always telling the kids to clean up, they're actually not gonna like doing some of those fun things. Now, there's a time for everything, so let our kids know that there's a time to clean up. After we've had a full amount of fun or something, they understand that, "Okay, now let's straighten up "'cause we're gonna go on to the next thing," but just kind of not having the anxieties and the overwhelmedness of those little messes, that it's gotta be okay. It's just a good little tip to have a little bit more freedom and lightheartedness in the home. [Jennifer] Good word. Another one is dance parties. We like to turn the music up really loud and just go for it. You guys don't know this about me, but-- Our kids are the best dancers I was gonna say I'm actually probably one of the most terrible dancers, but it doesn't hold me back. I just go for it, and somehow, my kids have picked up on this, and they intend to dance crazy, silly, awkward, and that just makes us laugh even more. If you'd like to see Jennifer dance, leave us a review and tell us that you'd like to see her dance, and I'll post a video of her on our Instagram. Oh my goodness, don't even. Yeah, I'm gonna put some music to it, and you're gonna be dancing 'cause they gotta see. They gotta see the gloriousness that is your dance skills. [Jennifer] Oh, man. I gotta think about that. A lot of these other ones are very physical things, like tickling, spontaneous wrestling matches with Dad. [Aaron] Usually spurred on by my son, who hides, crouching, ready to attack, and the moment I come home, he just jumps out of nowhere onto me with a sword in his hand, but letting those things happen, I think it does huge things for our children, to know that they have the freedom to, of course, not hurt us, which happens sometimes, but just, that they have the freedom to jump on us and to climb on us and to crawl on us. This morning, Olive was, I was talking to you, and she was grabbing my legs and going in and out of my legs, and I didn't notice she was doing it for a while. Like a cat [Aaron] Then I finally was like, "Olive, what are you doing?" 'Cause I felt like I was falling over, and she's like, "I'm just playing with your legs," and she's going in and out and sitting on them and pushing me over, and I for a moment wanted to be bothered by it. Then I thought to myself, "Why do I care "that she's doing that to me right now? "It's really cute." It's something that I still have to consistently work on and recognize in me 'cause I wanna sometimes get bothered by those kinds of things, but letting it happen because I want my kids to know that they can touch me. They can crawl on me. They can hang on me. They can love me. I was actually just really inspired by someone I follow on Instagram. Her name is Joy, and she posted a picture of her two oldest kids. They're in their teens, and her little story caption was just to encourage other moms with little ones to listen to your kids when they come to tell you about what they created with LEGOs or what they're drawing or imaginary world or whatever it is-- Taking joy in their creations, their things. She said because it goes by so fast, and we know we all hear this, but she goes, "You're gonna want to hear from them "and their hard things that they're walking through "when they're older, and if you keep pushing them away "or keep saying, 'No, I don't have time for that' now, "you're gonna miss that opportunity." You wouldn't have built that trust and open lines of communication, even at a very, very young age. Hopefully that encourages someone else. [Aaron] It encourages me, that I need to be listening more and paying attention to my kids more. Again, there's always a balance. Our kids can't absorb every-- Everything. [Aaron] ...everything from us. When we are intentional with it, it'll make the times that we can't okay 'cause they'll know that our hearts are with them. [Jennifer] Right. I'd really love to talk a little bit about just experiencing joy in marriage between a husband and a wife, but before we get there, there's one more thing that, when I was thinking about this list, that really stood out to me, and it's ways that we can kind of team up together to bring joy to our kids 'cause all the things that we've kinda listed we could do without the other. Right. But this next one's pretty interesting. This is your idea, or mine, I can't remember, but we were standing in the kitchen talking, and the kids were in the school room, and I told you, I said, "Aaron, call them out." I had handfuls of marshmallows in my hand, and I-- We both did, yeah. I was one one side-- I gave you the bag, ...of the hallway-- and you took the bag from me, took a handful out, and we hid on either side of the walls, so that when we came through the hallway, we were gonna just launch all these marshmallows at them. I was like, "Elliot, "Olive, Wyatt, come here." Plus, it's also a good lesson in obedience, are they coming the first time they're being called? You're killing two birds with one stone. [Aaron] Then they pitter-patter down the hallway, and we're hiding on the floor so they don't see us, and they walk right past us. Then we just bombard them with marshmallows. It actually scared them, and they looked at us like-- They just stood there. They looked at us like, "How could you do that?" [Jennifer] They just stood there, and Olive had this furrowed brow, and she was ready to just reprimand us, and then-- Then they looked on the ground, they're like, "Are those marshmallows?" "Can we have those?" "Can we have those?" Then they just start squirming. [Aaron] Luckily, marshmallows don't hurt. If you're gonna do that game, throw things that don't hurt at your kids. Otherwise, that would not be very fun. [Jennifer] We have other friends that intentionally do Nerf wars together. Oh yeah. We actually thought about one time buying a bunch of a Nerf stuff, and then-- Getting that family that does that Yeah, not letting them know, and then when we go over for dinner, just attack them We should still do that. We should still do, well, they might listen to this episode now. Now, I have to do it before we launch this episode. [Jennifer] That's just one way that you can team up together to cultivate joy in the home. We wanna hear your guys' ideas too, so please share them. [Aaron] Yeah, and all of these things that you can do, like little things just compounding on top of each other, it shows your family, especially for the husbands out there who might struggle the way I do to be joyful or have this fun-loving spirit or a lighthearted spirit, it shows your children, it shows your wife that you enjoy them, that you like being around them, that they're not just in the way of you, that you enjoy having crazy time with them, having fun time with them. [Jennifer] Yeah, that you wanna hear them laugh, that you wanna participate in their life. We touched on how to cultivate joy in the family, especially with small kids, but Aaron, how would you say we cultivate joy within the marriage and why that's important? [Aaron] Again, walking with the right perspective, first of all, that we have a mission in this world, that God loves us, that we're saved, these big things that God's done for us, easily just allows us to have joy even in the midst of hard things, even when maybe you're not joyful, I can still walk in that stuff, so when we're walking in that together, that knowledge and that truth, there's naturally a joy that exists. On the practical side, I think there's probably a ton of things that we do that cultivate joy, probably things that we could add to our lives. One of them is we have our own set of inside jokes that no one knows about. When you're with-- I'm not gonna describe what they are because they're ours but we have our own little inside jokes, and that's something that we do together, and it's funny for us. It's fun for us. Those build over time, so if you're only one or two years married, just know that those come over time. Maybe you already have some, but those are a really fun way to just, when you're out and about or at church, or-- At any time, really At any time, you can make these jokes, and only they get it. It's pretty fun. Yeah, it's something unique to us. Yeah, something you said about having joy, one of the importance of that is even amidst walking through hard stuff, and I feel like when I look at our marriage, experiencing joy with you was possible even in those first few years, which were our hardest years of marriage, and that was one of the things that carried us through those hard years, was finding ways to cultivate joy in our relationship, exploring new places together, trying to get each other to laugh. [Aaron] Yeah, I realize when we weren't lovers, in those early years, we were friends still, not all the time, but we had a friendship. We had things that we can connect with still and cultivate. God wanted more from us, but in those times, I remember when we were in Malawi, Africa, and it's been hard, and we walked off and we sat on a pier over the lake. Remember that? Mm-hmm, there's a gazebo at the end. [Aaron] Yeah, and we were just sitting there, talking, looking at the fish, talking about being married, talking about if we'd ever come back. [Jennifer] Yeah, we talked about our future. [Aaron] Yeah we talked about our future. Those little things on our list up there, we didn't talk about it, but adventures, that's another way we cultivate joy in our family and in our marriage, is we take adventures, even when we're not with the kids. Me and you like to just go for a drive around neighborhoods we've never been in before, going up the mountain just to drive up the mountain. There's things that we do that give us opportunities to just talk. I think those are situations that cultivate joy in us because it's just us together. It's just us spending time with each other, talking, hearing each other. [Jennifer] Yeah, I think another practical way to do this is, again, physical touch, just like when we were talking about with the kids, but tickling each other, hugging each other. Massages. Massages. Dancing. That's joyful for me. [Jennifer] I'm giving Aaron the eyes 'cause that sounded creepy, but just being physical, being willing to tickle each other and-- And play with each other, yeah. And play, yeah. I like the-- We're a lot more playful with each other these days than we used to be. [Jennifer] Yeah, I like the keep away game, where you snag something, like their phone works really well for this, and then you have to try and get it. Yeah, if you wanna know how addicted someone is to their phone, just snag it out of their hands and see how they respond. Wait, that's joyful? I just think about the lightness. We've had seasons where it just feels like we're walking on eggshells with each other, and that's not fun, where you're tippy-toeing around your spouse, and you're just wondering if the next thing you do is gonna trigger them. That's the opposite of joy. Yeah. [Aaron] That is not joyful. That is tedious and cumbersome. If your spouse can feel light around you and free around you. And feel loved. [Aaron] And cherished around you and loved around you, how much strength there is in that, and power there is in that, and that's what I want because again, we're always talking about being a marriage after God. There's a reason we're together. It's for the ministry God has for us, and if you're constantly feeling like you have to be so aware of every move you make around me because you're just wondering if you're gonna trigger me, there's no way you can minister for Christ in that kind of situation. There's no way we as a family can show the world the love we have for each other, which is what we're called to do, right? Mm-hmm [Aaron] Now, that's not just talking about in marriage. That's talking about in the church as a whole, but joy remedies that. It cultivates an environment that allows for true and powerful and authoritative ministry to happen. [Jennifer] Joy is one of those testimonies of the power of God in your life, and I know I said that earlier, but it's so true, that when the world looks at you, when the world looks at a marriage after God and they see joy, they're probably thinking, "Well, I want "what they have." Yeah, "How do I get "some of that?" [Jennifer] "What is that?" Then you get to tell them, "It's because of Jesus in my life. "It's because God has transformed us. "It's because God gives us hope." [Aaron] Yup. I hope those listening get encouraged by this, that, of course, we're still learning, but if they put their hearts in the right place, they put it in the hands of Christ and allow him to transform them and say, "Lord, I want more joy. "I want more of your joy, "and I want my family to experience joy," it all goes back to walking in the Spirit and saying, "Lord, help me walk in the Spirit today. "I want my kids to feel the overflow of joy in my life. "I want my wife, I want my husband, "to feel that, to experience that joy, "to eat the good fruit coming out of me, "and then in our marriage, I want people, our children, "outsiders to eat the good fruit of our marriage," and at the end of the day, that joy becomes our strength. I just wanna read that scripture in Nehemiah chapter 8. Nehemiah had just finished building the wall, the walls around the city, and Ezra the priest got up on a platform, and he read the entire book of the law out loud, from day till night, to all of the congregation of the people. Nehemiah says this to the people after all of this, it says, "Then he said to them," in chapter 8, verse 10: "'Go your way. "'Eat the fat and drink the sweet wine "'and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, "'for this day is holy to our Lord. "'And do not be grieved, for the joy "'of the Lord is your strength.'" This people, they were scattered, they were dispersed, the city was destroyed. Nehemiah came, rebuilt the city and was about to, and he had all the people coming back to the city to rebuild their own homes, to rebuild this city with a people that God promised it would be their city, it would be their home, and he just reminds them, he says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." The strength in our home, the strength in our lives is the Lord. The strength in our marriage. The strength in our marriage, the strength in our ministry, and that strength comes from the joy that God gives us, from the hope we have in Christ, from the power and the authority of the Word of God, and that joy is the thing that just allows us to keep going, keeping walking. Instead of it being mechanical, instead of it being a checklist, it's now a life-giving thing we do. I think that's awesome. Yeah, I love that. My grandma Betty, she is 91 and just right there at the end of her life, and my dad posted a quote, something that she always said, which was, "Make someone laugh every day, "and life will be full." When I think about her life, I think about it being really full. Yeah, every time we're around her, she's big ol' smile, laughing, making jokes. Huge smile. Just for a little description, she's probably only five foot, maybe five-foot-one with heels on, and she wore colorful dresses. She had bright red hair and always wore blue eyeshadow, and when I think of her, I think of fun. I remember being a little girl, maybe four years old, I would go over to her house when my dad brought us over there to visit, and about 10 minutes before we would leave, she would say, "Jenn, come with me." She'd take me to her vanity and put perfume on me and eyeshadow and blush and did the whole thing-- Make you feel so pretty. ...make me feel like a princess, and the whole time just talking to me, and encouraging me, and loving on me, and I can't imagine what I looked like to everyone walking out as a little four-year-old with this makeup on, if she even really put make up on me. Remember, she liked to have fun I know. When I think about that little girl, when I think about myself, if I stood in front of her today, I would think there was no question about the joy that I had in my heart from just that experience with her, those five minutes, or 10 minutes, or however long it was, of sitting in her chair and listening to her voice and being there with me. I just love that, and I want, at the end of my life, to look back and think, "That was a full life." [Aaron] Yeah, and I want people to look back on my life, or our life, and say, "Wow, they were joyful," right? Mm-hmm [Aaron] I don't want them to think, "Man, they were bitter and frustrated all the time "and annoyed." I want them to say, "They were joyful." Joy's a powerful thing. What's funny is all of the fruit of the Spirit is powerful. It's why-- We need it [Aaron] We need the Spirit, is because it produces such good things in us. I just pray that this encourages the listeners today that they would pursue joy, that they would walk in the Spirit, and that they would cultivate an environment in their home that their kids just know what joy is. It doesn't mean we're not gonna have hard times, but it does mean that we can have pure, eternal joy, something that's founded in something in eternity, not in something that is temporary. [Jennifer] I love that. Speaking of prayer, I think that now is a perfect time to go into our prayer for today's episode. We'd love to invite you guys to pray along with us. [Aaron] Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of joy. We pray that we would be intentional to cultivate joy in our marriages and in our families. Holy Spirit, please inspire us with creative ways to create space in our lives to laugh, to play, to enjoy precious moments with those we love most. Remind use every day of the power of joy and how we can be vessels of your joy, so that it is dispersed throughout the world. May our joy be a testimony to others of your goodness and your strength in our lives. May it be the reason people ask us why we are so different from the rest of the world. May our joy draw our spouse, our children, and others close to you as we experience the gift of joy. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. [Aaron] We just thank you for joining us this week. We pray that you have joy this week. We pray that you would walk in the Spirit, and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com, and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 30 Mar 2023 | Why Christians Need Mentors | 00:37:32 | |
Todays episode is brought to you by our free 30-day marriage prayer challenge. And our free 30day parenting prayer challenge. When you sign up for either of the challenges or both you will receive an email every day with scripture and topics for you to pray for your spouse and you son or daughter. We hope to inspire and encourage a consistent and robust prayer life with this challenge and want to invite you to sign up for free today. Simply visit http://marriageprayerchallenge.com/ or parentingprayerchallenge.com and sign up for free today.
Dear Lord, Thank You for the people you have placed in our lives who have shown us ways we should be walking, encouraged us to live according to your word, and has been by our side through hard times. Thank You for the ones who have mentored us in marriage and parenting. Thank You for the ones we have had the opportunity to mentor and pour into. We pray you continue to use us in this way to lift up the younger generation and please keeping putting people in our life who we can learn from In Jesus’ name AMEN! Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 24 Apr 2025 | Spiritual Warfare Today, Common Marriage Temptations, The Power of Belief - w/ Tilly Dillehay | 00:49:02 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Tilly Dillehay, author of "My Dear Hemlock" and "Seeing Green." After experiencing her own journey from apostasy to faith, Tilly now uses creative storytelling to expose the subtle ways spiritual forces work against Christian marriages. Her latest book, inspired by C.S. Lewis's "Screwtape Letters," follows a female character through the common temptations women face in marriage and faith. In this enlightening conversation, we explore:
Whether you're curious about spiritual warfare, struggling with temptation in your marriage, or seeking to strengthen your faith against subtle attacks, this conversation offers biblical wisdom and practical insights for recognizing and overcoming the enemy's strategies. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Tilly Dillehay:
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Support this podcast:
Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Tilly Dillehay, spiritual warfare, demonic influence, marriage temptations, gratitude in marriage, faith journey, Screwtape Letters, Christian fiction, confession, smartphone addiction, spiritual transformation, belief, biblical truth, spiritual strongholds, Christian marriage, spiritual attack, victory in Christ Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 27 Nov 2024 | From Divorce Papers to Divine Restoration - Interview with Kevin & Bree Bailey | 01:09:57 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Kevin and Bree Bailey, who vulnerably share their powerful journey from the brink of divorce to complete restoration through Christ. After 12 years of marriage and multiple attempts at counseling, they found themselves separated with divorce papers ready to sign - until God intervened in a remarkable way. In this hope-filled conversation, we explore:
Whether you're in a struggling marriage, considering separation, or want to strengthen your relationship, this conversation offers biblical truth and practical wisdom for choosing restoration over divorce. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Kevin and Bree:
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Support this podcast:
Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Kevin Bailey, Bree Bailey, marriage restoration, overcoming divorce, forgiveness, reconciliation, prayer, spiritual growth, marriage ministry, Christian marriage, healing relationships, fighting for marriage, hope in marriage Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 10 Oct 2018 | 7 Traits of a Spiritual Leader | 00:46:36 | |
Spiritual leadership or spiritual headship in the home comes from the idea that God has designed marriage to operate in a certain order. His design when walked in actually comes with blessing and security. In this episode, we discuss what some of the traits of a spiritual leader are and what it can look like when they are walked in. -- -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 09 Mar 2020 | Our Favorite Non-Toxic Products | 00:52:34 | |
Our physical health and learning how to take care of our bodies have played a large role in our growth of the years. In the beginning of our marriage, we dealt with sexual issues and after 4 and a half years living with those problems we finally discovered what we believe was a major contributor to those problems. We began replacing our toxic products with non-toxic products and almost immediately found healing in the area of intimacy. We have had many people over the years ask what kinds of products we use now and so in this episode we share a little of our journey and the products we like to use. Pleas enjoy!
PRAYER Dear Lord, Thank you for our bodies. We pray we would be good stewards of our bodies and consider all that goes on them and in them. We pray we would be willing to take the time and research the items we use on a daily basis, using things that help us and not hurt us. Lord, we ask that you would give us wisdom as we navigate living a healthy lifestyle. Help us to make good choices and be on the same page in marriage so that we can enjoy the benefits of living toxic-free. Please help us not to be overwhelmed by the process of learning, but rather, help us to be humble and willing to learn so that we can choose what is healthy for us and be advocates of healthy living for the sake of others. We pray living healthy would not become an idol in our lives and would not hinder any of our relationships. May we be people who don't just consume, but who are about our bodies and take care of them. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Some things mention this episode.
http://Parentingprayerchallenge.com https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/the-unveiled-wife-embracing-intimacy-with-god-and-your-husband-by-jennifer-smith https://ENG.org https://unveiledwife.com/oils/ https://norwex.biz Dr. Bronner’s - https://amzn.to/2vRCQ91 https://www.bendsoap.com/ Native Deodorant - https://amzn.to/2VXpWkz Bert's Bees - https://amzn.to/3cPJkpN Burt's Bees 100% Natural Moisturizing Lipstick - https://amzn.to/3aKRNs7 Ancient Minerals Magnesium Lotion - https://amzn.to/2TQu6YT
READ TRANSCRIPT [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God.
[Jennifer] Helpin' you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
[Aaron] And today, we're gonna share with you our favorite non-toxic products. Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
[Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as, Unveiled Wife.
[Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as, Husband Revolution.
[Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade.
[Aaron] And so far, we have four young children.
[Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
[Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage. Encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
[Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one. Full of life--
[Aaron] Love.
[Jennifer] and power,
[Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.
[Jennifer] Together.
[Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly, after God's will of our life together.
[Jennifer] This is Marriage After God.
[Jennifer] Welcome back everyone to another episode of Marriage After God. We are happy to have ya, and today we are just going to share some, it's kinda like a funner episode, where we're gonna share, not just our non-toxic products, but why we choose those, and part of our story.
[Aaron] Yeah, and well, we've had a lot of people over the years, kind of, 'cause we've talked about our journey with health, and we talk about products we use, and you have people often asking, "Well, what do you use?"
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] And so--
[Jennifer] A large portion of my first book, "The Unveiled Wife," you know, talked about our journey, you know, figuring some stuff out, and so, we'll probably start there.
[Aaron] Yeah, but it'll be fun. We believe that it's good to have a healthy life, I mean, everything we talk about it spiritual, but there's something to be said about, taking care of our bodies, and being careful with what we're putting on, being thoughtful, we even talk about, yeah, we talk about this often in our books, we talk about it in our life. We actually try and live it also, doesn't mean we're perfectly healthy in every aspect, but what's been awesome about it also is, we actually have less stuff, which is cool. So we'll talk about that a little bit too. So first, before we get into that, why don't you give a little update on baby Edith?
[Jennifer] Yeah, is everyone as anxious as I am to meet her? I'm--
[Aaron] Some people are probably like, "They're having another baby?"
[Jennifer] I know,
[Aaron] Yes we are, number five.
[Jennifer] Yep, I'm 38 weeks, and just starting to feel like way more ready and prepared, mentally,
[Aaron] Some of that pre-labor stuff
[Jennifer] Yep, and my body, but also, just in our home, I feel like, we are all kind of getting to that transition point where, I don't know, we're just, we're just ready.
[Aaron] So I'll say this, if you don't hear of any more podcasts coming out, after this one, it's because we had the baby.
[Jennifer] But, I haven't ever gone that early, so--
[Aaron] Yeah, you--
[Jennifer] I don't know.
[Aaron] We're usually like, I should say, you're usually right on the dot.
[Jennifer] I will say this, usually nesting kicks in, and I you know, look forward to, just utilizing that energy, that extra energy to clean the house, and get every nook and cranny, and this time I didn't get that way at all. I had to like, really rely on the Lord, and just um--
[Aaron] Well I'll say this, I think you did have the desire to nest, but you didn't have the energy this time.
[Jennifer] Yeah, I had the desire for sure.
[Aaron] You're like, "I just can't get up off the couch, "I just, I don't feel like I," So, there was all these things that you wanted to do, but it took a lot of my helping, it took a lot of like, extra stuff that you didn't have--
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] and so, but that's just unique for this time.
[Jennifer] But we got some stuff checked off our to-do list this weekend and now I feel ready. So thank you Aaron, thank you for your help with that. Yeah well, I'm sure we'll have a little bit more stuff before the baby comes.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Gettin' the house ready, just gettin' some things off of our plates, so that we can enjoy little baby Edith,
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] when she's here.
[Jennifer] What I did do, was I got through Olive's old clothes, and got like a drawer ready for her, and all of her clothes are ready, so,
[Aaron] Oh, we also moved all of, 'cause right now we have all of Truitt's clothes, in our bedroom, like right below the changing station, so that we can like change him, and put clothes there, but we moved those. Now he's got his clothes in the boys' room.
[Jennifer] Yeah,
[Aaron] I'm imagining, we're probably gonna move him into the boys' room soon, right?
[Jennifer] Soon, yeah.
[Aaron] And then he's gonna be one of the big boys.
[Jennifer] Uh?
[Aaron] I know
[Jennifer] Everyone's growing up too fast.
[Aaron] Who in the world?
[Jennifer] Elliot feels like he's seven feet tall. Doesn't he feel so big?
[Aaron] Yeah, he's gonna be a tall one.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] But it's awesome, seeing them grow, we were just talking tonight about if we would have had children earlier, which kinda goes into a little bit into our story, but if we would have started, day one, we'd have a 13 year old.
[Jennifer] Yeah, just recognizing, how long we've been married and--
[Aaron] And we probably have 13 kids. So,
[Jennifer] At our rate.
[Aaron] Yeah at our our rate, yeah. Hey, I just wanted to also bring up something that I've been doing lately, and maybe you can chime in on this, Jennifer, as well, but for the men listening, something I've been trying to do, I know not everyone has our situation. We totally understand that. We get that. But Jennifer and I both, I would say I work the majority of the time, it used to be much more equal, but as we've had more kids, Jennifer's desires, and our desires has changed to, you spending a lot more time homeschooling,
[Jennifer] My work just looks different
[Aaron] Totally looks different, but the idea is that we're keeping things going, but what I've been doing lately, is letting you have Fridays to yourself, often that's so you can get, you know, the work that you need to get done, done. But sometimes it's just to go.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] To get into the Word. To meet with a lady
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] From the church. To just have time to yourself, or a little bit of both, like you get some work done in the morning, and then you have like a hair appointment, or you have a meeting with a friend,
[Jennifer] Yeah, I try and use that time to schedule appointments--
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] But um, I will say this, I've really enjoyed it, and it's been super beneficial in a lot of ways, but I also recognize that change is coming, with having the baby and post-partum, and all that. So it'll be something that we reevaluate, come very quickly.
[Aaron] Right 'cause we go through seasons, and ebbs and flows, and we have to adjust our schedules and our way of living to the situations in life. But, I just wanna encourage the men out there, that even if you're not in a situation, where maybe your wife works with you, or works at home, or maybe, I don't know, like your situations are gonna look differently. The idea is being intentional, to let your wife know that, especially if she doesn't have like, a regular nine-to-five job if she is at home with the kids, if you have a similar situation in that aspect, is giving them time. It may not be every week, maybe it can't be every week, but if it's once a month, if it's every other week, if it's for a couple hours, there's times like, "Hey why don't you, "I got the kids you get out of here--"
[Jennifer] And maybe it can't be during the day, but it's at night or, if it can't be during the week, it's you know Saturday morning or something like that.
[Aaron] Yeah, there's always going to be a way to just let your wife know that you're thinking about her time, and also, as men who are leading our wives, spiritually, giving them time specifically like, maybe it's at home like, "Hey, why don't you just go lock yourself in the bedroom? "Open up the Bible like, read, journal, "go take a bath, and listen to some worship music." Giving them time to themselves, time to recharge, regenerate. I know some women probably recharge around people, not alone, but, whatever it is, maybe they need to go be with some friends. Just, keeping that in your mind, something we've been practicing, like we said, it's a it's a seasonal thing. So it's not necessarily that it's always going to be this way, but currently Fridays have been your day, and you've been enjoying them, we've been slowing down on that with the baby coming.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Also 'cause, you're having less energy, and you're like, "I just wanna be home."
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] But, it's been a cool thing.
[Jennifer] I think it's a really good encouragement, and I think it's good for husbands to hear, that when it's even spontaneous, 'cause this was something that we kind of scheduled out, and looked at our situation, and said, "This needs to be happening." But even when it's at random, you know, spontaneous, it's a huge encouragement to the wife's heart to know that the husband is thinking of her like that. You've done that for me plenty of times over the years and so, I love that you're bringing this up. I think it's cool.
[Aaron] So hope you're encouraged by that. One more thing before we get into our, our list of our favorite non-toxic products is, we just want to invite you to join the Parenting Prayer Challenge. We created this prayer challenge, it's very similar to the Marriage Prayer Challenge, where you get 30, 30 some-odd emails everyday, reminding you to pray for your children, and giving you a topic to pray for over them. and you can actually sign up for one for a son, or one for a daughter, or you can sign up for both, which is pretty awesome 'cause some of you probably have a son and a daughter, or just sons, or just daughters, or just one or the other, but you can go, you go to parentingprayerchallenge.com, all one word, and you sign up, it's completely free, and we just pray that God blesses you, and your prayer life for your children, because praying for your children is so important. Just like praying for your marriage. Just like praying for your brothers and sisters in Christ. Prayer is so important. God wants to be praying people, and so this is just a fun challenge. It's a way of being a catalyst for your prayer life, for your children. It's parentingprayerchallenge.com, it's completely free.
[Jennifer] Okay, so for some of you listening you may have already read "The Unveiled Wife," if anything we talked about today, you know sparks interest and you haven't read that book yet, that was our first book that we came out with, you should go check it out, just because it shares more in depth of our journey, of kind of coming to this place of like, being aware of healthy living, and living a healthy lifestyle. But we're going to kind of summarize it. Just to kick off this episode, just so that you guys can, just get some background into Aaron and Jen. How about that? Okay.
[Aaron] Let's see how quick we can make this summary.
[Jennifer] Okay so I would say that when we first got married, Aaron, we didn't really, we didn't have a strong foundation of what it look like to live healthy. We grew up on fast food, and and home cook meals, but there was no,
[Aaron] We didn't have an awareness of healthy living at all.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and so we didn't really care about looking at ingredients on products, or you know reading the labels of things. I would say that you know I used all the all the really good smelling lotions and body washes, and if you didn't have more than three or four in your shower, it was like, "What are you doing?" You know, that type of thing. Fragrant candles, the kind of laundry detergent that you just never think about, you just use it because your parents used, or that's what so-and-so use. I remember using MAC makeup. This one, actually, I didn't really ever talk about this one, but this was one that affected me, in my teens because I was caking on the foundation, but I was using it to cover up acne,
[Aaron] Which that made more acne.
[Jennifer] Which made more acne. And I was actually allergic to something that was in it, and so I stopped using that, even probably around like 18. But anyways, the point that I'm getting at is that we didn't care about what was inside of these bottles that we were using to put on our skin, you know, the soap that we use, the body wash, the lip balms, the hairspray, we just consumed it.
[Aaron] Not internally necessarily.
[Aaron] We were consumers. We bought what we liked, we didn't have any consideration of what it was, and I actually think, back then, not very many people did. There was movements of it, but social media wasn't a huge thing back then, so not a lot of people were talking about it. Like news wasn't talking about it, like it was just, you got these products, and it wasn't until there was some sort of, big blow up or news story about something that people were aware of something, but I think with, now looking back, everyone is much more considerate about what's in products, people care about it, but back then we didn't have that experience. No one was telling us to, like, "Oh, do you know what those ingredients are?" Can you even understand what there, like, we just figured, like, "Oh, that's what they put in everything.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and then, on the side of like, I'm not gonna go too much into this, but medicine, it was kind of just like, the Benadryl, Tylenol, like, whatever you could get over the counter type stuff. And I wasn't raised with a really big awareness of homeopathy, or how to, you know, use what you have at home.
[Aaron] Right.
[Jennifer] To help through sickness or things like that. Or to even just look at what's the root of the problem here? Of whatever symptoms you have.
[Aaron] Or having an understanding of what those, why those symptoms exist. How fevers work, and how, like, why are you coughing, and sneezing, and these kinds of things.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Rather than just, medicating the symptoms, which we're not totally against medication.
[Jennifer] No, I'm just saying this is kind of like, where we came from.
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] So we get married, and I, you know, it was just like a normal thing people talked about, to go on birth control, so I did that. 'Cause I thought that was--
[Aaron] It's what you do. You get married,
[Jennifer] What we were supposed to do.
[Aaron] birth control, wait.
[Jennifer] Yeah, wait. And I only on it for about two to three months, and it like, drastically effected my body, and so that was the first thing that I noticed should go. And so we did that. But that was also in conjunction with trying to find a solution for what we were dealing with in our marriage, which started immediately--
[Aaron] Physically, yeah.
[Jennifer] And for those of you who don't know, Aaron and I, we struggled with intimacy right off the bat, like, zero, none.
[Aaron] Like sex, specifically we couldn't have sex. It was very painful for you, and we've talked about this in the past, there's a few episodes where we talked about our story, and in your book you talk about it, we talk about it in our new book, "Marriage After God." We talk about it so much because it was such a influential season in our life, and how it brought us to our knees before God. Because, it drew out of us, so much other sins, and frustrations, and bitterness, this situation we were going through. Which is often when we go through things that are hard. They often will draw out those negative things in us. Which is cool, because then God gets to deal with them. But that was, yeah, we didn't know it, you would go to see doctors, and they would say, "You're young."
[Jennifer] "You're fine.
[Aaron] "You're fine--
[Jennifer] "You're really great."
[Aaron] "there's nothing wrong, "this should be working just fine." And then we'd go home and cry, because it's not fine, it doesn't work, nothing's changing, it hurts you.
[Jennifer] Yeah, it was like at least if you told me that something was wrong, I can work with that. I can't work with nothing. But moving on, so year four of our marriage, we had a conversation with some friends, we were being really transparent and honest with them about our struggles, and they kind of like, I remember them sitting across from us, just looking super confused, like, "How--
[Aaron] Dumbfounded, or like, "Are you serious?"
[Jennifer] "Yeah, is this really happening?" but she goes, the girl, she goes, "The only thing I can think of to help relate your story, "to someone else's that I heard is, "a friend of mine has PCOS, and she changed out all "of her products to be more organic, "and just cleaner, and three months later, "she ended up pregnant." Which people with PCOS, it's a hard thing to do, and they weren't even trying to get pregnant. She was just trying to heal some of her other symptoms. And we quickly disregarded that because we thought, "Well, we're not trying "to get pregnant, we're just trying to start off "with the first thing, which is--
[Aaron] Yeah, how do I have sex?
[Jennifer] "sexual intimacy." And we didn't think about it again for about five, six months. And then what happened, Aaron you share.
[Aaron] Well, I would just, it got worse of course, 'cause we're like, "There's like no hope, "like this in never gonna change." You know, it started off with a lot of hope, like, "Oh, it'll get better, it'll get, "but it can't possibly keep going the same way." And it just did, and you know, I'm praying through this, God was working in our marriage. There was a, if you read in our book, in both of our books, actually, there's this moment that God gets ahold of my heart, and just totally convicts me of my wrong heart, towards my wife. Not just over the situation about our sex, but about a lot of things. And it brought me to my knees, I repented, and I just said, "Lord, I'm gonna obey you. "I'm gonna walk with you, "and I'm gonna love my wife, "regardless of if I ever get what I think I deserve, "or whatever she owes me, or whatever. "I'm gonna love her. "The way you've called me to." And that was the beginning of a lot of transformations, in our marriage, in our life, and our being. But how, I don't know how, it was like.
[Jennifer] It was shortly after--
[Aaron] It was like that weekend, maybe,
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] or the next weekend, or that week, 'cause it was at church that this you know revelation that God gave to me happened. And I'm in the shower, and I'm just praying, 'cause I'm still like, "God, there's gotta be something, "that's gonna fix this." 'Cause even though, I've totally committed my heart to say "I'm gonna love my wife,"
[Jennifer] You still wanted change--
[Aaron] I still want a change, right? But my heart was totally in a different place now. And I'm just praying, and I'm like. "Lord, what is it? "It's been since before we were married, "like this is, since we've been married, I mean, "and there's gotta be something." And I looked down in the shower actually, and there's a face wash in there, and I just immediately remembered this story about the PCOS, and the girl that got rid of her stuff, and I just asked myself, I was like, "Is it possible that there's something reacting "with my wife's body?" And then I started thinking like, "What has there been, that you've used, "ever since the beginning, of our marriage?"
[Jennifer] 'Cause shampoo and conditioner changed out, body wash changed out, a lot things changed, in those four years, but my face wash was the one main thing that I always was consistent with.
[Aaron] And so, I said, I just yelled from the shower, I remember like, "What have you been using "since before we were married?" And you were like, "My f-why?" You were like, confused. Anyways, I take the face wash out of the shower, and I hop onto our computer, and I just start researching every ingredient on the thing. And there was like, first of all, like, half the ingredients were, I went on this site, and it talks about the toxicity level, of ingredients, right? You type the ingredient in, and it just tells you what the level is.
[Jennifer] Had you ever done anything like that before?
[Aaron] Never, never done like that before. Didn't even know it existed, I had to Google, and I'm searching like, how do you figure out, I'm typing these, and then this site shows up. And like half the ingredients in this thing, were--
[Jennifer] It was EWG.
[Aaron] Toxic.
[Jennifer] EWG.com.
[Aaron] EWG.com, I don't even know, is it still a thing?
[Jennifer] I think so.
[Aaron] Okay. So half the products were toxic at some level. And then there was several of the ingredients that had specific terms that it said it was, that the affect. Specifically the endocrine system in your body. Then I looked up, I was like, "What's the endocrine system? "I'll just start looking it up." I'm getting all technical, and we're not scientists, we're not biologists, we don't know, like, I'm not gonna try and diagnose people, but all I know is the Lord lead me to something.
[Jennifer] We were putting pieces together.
[Aaron] I started researching, and regardless if it has any effect, the fact that it had all these toxic chemicals, and I'm like, "Maybe she should, regardless, "she probably shouldn't be putting this on her body." and the endocrine system something that's, it's super important to the whole reproductive system. To the normal function of the woman's body. Like secretion of normal hormones, and I was like, "Dang, that sounds like a lot "of like the things that we deal with." And so it--
[Jennifer] The specific thing that you're talking about is parabens.
[Aaron] Parabens, yeah.
[Jennifer] So there's four, different types of parabens, in this specific face wash.
[Aaron] Methyl, propyl, like all these different kinds.
[Jennifer] And this was before parabens was a thing,
[Aaron] Yeah, like no bottle said paraben-free, back then.
[Jennifer] Nobody was talking about it yet, but it soon became a thing, shortly after that.
[Aaron] A few years later.
[Jennifer] I mean, I remember a few years later, you'd go into like, Ulta, or Sephora, and you'd start seeing, you know, makeup lines that say, paraben free this, paraben free that.
[Aaron] Which is interesting because back then, no one cared. I should say no on knew. And then we're like researching this and finding this out, and I don't wanna say, like started move, we actually didn't start anything. Other people are already trying to get this moving, but because of social media things like that, that it exist. Things were a lot slower. I think things are way faster now. But I was just like, "Hey. "I want to be with you, physically." And in this is a big deal because Jennifer has been using this forever, she believed that without it, she was gonna have acne. And be, and feel ugly, or whatever it was, and I remember I was like, "Hey, would you get this up?"
[Jennifer] I said no.
[Aaron] And she was like "No!" And I'm like, "I'd rather you have acne and us be able "to be together, than you have clean skin, clear skin."
[Jennifer] And then I was like, "Well maybe there's something, okay. "I'll just do it 'cause you asked me."
[Aaron] So you did, you chose to put it away. And now, I'm sure everyone's thinking like, "Yeah, I'm gonna go use this to get my wife, "or get someone to stop doing something." But, I, my heart was not just to get her to stop using this. I actually had never thought about it until this moment, and I was just like, "Would you be willing to experiment with me?" Like, "Let's just delete this from your life."
[Jennifer] Yeah, it was an experiment. And here's the thing you guys, three days later, three days later, I was at work and I remember just feeling different, and I called Aaron and I was like, "I don't get too excited but, I feel different, "and I wanted you to know that my body feels, "it feels like things are changing." And I feel like it was just like two more days after that that we had sex for what feels like the first time.
[Aaron] Yeah, in four and a half years.
[Jennifer] Like pain free.
[Aaron] Pain free. Not just pain free, but like it was enjoyable.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Like it was, like we were like, "Whoa. "Like that's what it's supposed to be like.
[Jennifer] There was nothing else that was gonna convince me, that what we stumbled upon, was the thing.
[Aaron] Right, and I would also say, we, God lead us a new place, in our hearts toward him. We had been repentant, of things that were going on, and I think that the Lord revealed thing to us, so I would say I definitely think that there is certain things are engaging, or interacting with your body. I mean we know over the years that you're sensitive to certain things, I'm sensitive to certain things.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] But I also think that the Lord, was like working in us. So I'm not trying to over-spiritualize it but, I don't wanna take away from what God was doing.
[Jennifer] Sure.
[Aaron] And he revealed this to us--
[Jennifer] Well and I think, he's the one that revealed this to us, and it was really awesome, and so the next step was, "I'm getting rid of all parabens." Like parabens became this like,
[Aaron] We literally threw
[Both] Everything,
[Jennifer] And I am telling you guys,
[Aaron] All of our shampoos, all of her makeup.
[Jennifer] It was it!
[Aaron] My makeup too. I'm just kiddin'.
[Jennifer] It was in everything. It was in so much stuff. People will message me on Instagram, and they're like, "So you know, "You talked about parabens in the "Unveiled Wife," "and what kind of stuff did you have to look at?" It was like,
[Aaron] Everything.
[Jennifer] I tell 'em, "everything." And so what's funny is that, I look at our shower now from what it used to be, and it's like you had mentioned earlier,
[Aaron] There's two things in there.
[Jennifer] Yeah, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode. 'cause we just thought it'd be fun to share with you guys, some of the things that we use now, but this indecent, this thing that happened over something as small as face wash, is what stimulated our hearts to say, "Hey, what were putting in our bodies. "What we're putting on our bodies, "is important because it has an effect on us."
[Aaron] And I mean it's definitely not our main focus, I mean everyone that listens to our podcast would know that this is not, we're not like a health and fitness--
[Jennifer] Freaks,
[Aaron] Podcast. No, we just know, that there's a holistic view that God has of us. He wants us to love him with our minds, our souls, our bodies. Like so, when we look at the world it's not just, "Oh, we can be unwise over here, "as long as we're wise over here." we look at idea of, what we, we gotta be wise in every aspect. And we seek God on that. So what's wrong with just, caring about what goes on our body and in our body? Not out of a, like, not putting something on my body and not putting something in my body is not making me more holy. It's making me more healthy.
[Jennifer] It's taking care of yourself.
[Aaron] it's taking care of the body that God's given me.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and I will say this, back then, it felt a little bit harder to know what to switch to, because--
[Aaron] Well, there was also less things, I think.
[Jennifer] Less cleaner things available and so I just wanted to make that clear, that, you know, anyone who wanted to make a switch today, like if they want to go to their products or--
[Aaron] There's a million products now.
[Jennifer] be more healthy in this way, there are so many good products out there and so, it's a lot easier, I would say. But another thing that triggered our healthy lifestyle, was doing the Sugar Busters diet, which we--
[Aaron] This was long time ago.
[Jennifer] that was just a couple months, after all of this, and we made the commitment to do it together. We even took a class on it do you remember that?
[Aaron] I do.
[Jennifer] And they taught us how to read labels--
[Aaron] It was at the church.
[Jennifer] Yeah, it was at our church.
[Aaron] The church put this like health class on. It was cool.
[Jennifer] Yeah so, it taught us how the read labels, and so I remember going grocery shopping with you, and we're looking at the back of like pasta sauce--
[Aaron] Well, everything we bought, had added sugar in it. Every single thing.
[Jennifer] But we were like, amazed, we were like, "And this has it too!"
[Aaron] I was like, "Bread doesn't have sugar in it." and every loaf of bread, was like, the second ingredient was sugar. And we're like, "Okay, what's going on here?" So anyways,
[Jennifer] And then you had to go with a list of what are sugars called? because there's a lot of--
[Aaron] All the different names of sugar, yeah
[Jennifer] Different names, for it. But that was another one, when we talk about eating, like that was what stimulated our healthy movement towards eating healthier and just buying things so that we're aware of what we're putting inside of our bodies. It doesn't mean we don't consume sugar, and we don't, you know, we'll have Chick-fil-A, we'll go out and--
[Aaron] No, but that education, the learning about how to read labels. What are ingredients, you know, how they order the ingredients, that's important, I can give a little tip on that. Even though we don't still do Sugar Busters, that month or how many? It was a couple months maybe.
[Jennifer] It grew a muscle in us, We now, that's how we shop. When we go grocery shopping, of course there's gonna be stuff that we grab that has added sugars to it, but for the most part, we look at the ingredients in almost everything we buy. Everything, now especially with you, you need to be gluten-free. We look at, we actually buy less things that have wheat in it period, because of that, but it was a good tool in our tool belt, as we talk about in "Marriage After God," to just help us be healthier, help our kids be healthier. They enjoy things, here and there, we just had icecream tonight, so we're not like, sans sugar in our life, we're sans sugar all the time.
[Jennifer] I was gonna say, we try and make the best opportunity, or we take every opportunity, when we can, to be healthy, eat healthy, and you know, choose the right thing, but it doesn't mean that we don't get,
[Aaron] We also enjoy things.
[Jennifer] Yeah, we also enjoy things, so,
[Aaron] In moderation.
[Jennifer] in moderation. That's good.
[Aaron] So, Oh I wanna give that quick tip real quick, 'cause people are probably thinking like, "Well, what about the ingredients?" Just a quick tip on ingredients, the order of ingredients on the box, so like starting from the first, to the second, to the third, the higher up an ingredient is on the box, the more of that ingredient is in the product. So if sugar is in the top three ingredients, that means there's a lot of sugar in that item. So if wheat's the first or water, that's how they order the ingredients, based off of amount of ingredients.
[Jennifer] So here's another one, it's really random, but I've been seeing a naturopath for my thyroid issues through this last year, and one of the things she asked me is if we use Weed and Feed. And I didn't even know, 'cause you usually do--
[Aaron] For the lawns? Yeah.
[Jennifer] the lawns, yeah. And that was just one instance where she was like, "Well, instead of using that, "why don't you just pick the weeds?" like--
[Aaron] Or leave the weeds.
[Jennifer] or leave the weeds. So there's a lots of things in our life that we can look at and evaluate, and say, "Oh, we should probably make change." It doesn't have to happen all at once, but it is something that we should be aware of, to go, "Hey what's happening to this exposure "that we're doing to our bodies. "And how can we maintain a healthy body?'
[Aaron] And the Weed and Feed was important because was saying, "You guys walk on "that grass all the time." And like, it goes into your skin, and you're going to be affected by it. Because you're you're working with your thyroid and all of these things, effect that. Which is interesting because, we knew back then that you were probably sensitive to some stuff, and now we know now, you are definitely sensitive to things. Your body's gonna react, maybe differently than someone who, has normal functioning thyroid, or endocrine system or all that.
[Jennifer] Right. Okay so, we we're just going to get into kind of a list of our non-toxic products because--
[Aaron] These are literally things that we use, pretty much on a regular basis.
[Jennifer] Two reasons, one we just thought it would be fun to share these things, and if you guys you know want to know more, you can reach out to us on Instagram @marriage--
[Aaron] Reach out to Jennifer about the
[Jennifer] I was going to say @marriageaftergod.
[Aaron] Ah there ya go.
[Jennifer] or @unveiledwife We also know that everyone's always looking for, you know, new things or ideas or inspiration so, we just hope that by sharing these, it's an encouragement to you, and give you some information.
[Aaron] And I'll also let you guys know that we're not like necessarily sponsored by any of these people. We're just we're literally going to share with you guys the things that we love--
[Jennifer] Now I will say,
[Aaron] and use.
[Jennifer] that some of these things that I put on the list, and we've been using Young Living Essential Oils for
[Aaron] Several years now.
[Jennifer] about four or five years now. And we did just recently, just be more open to sharing the business side of things on social media. You may have seen that, maybe not. And so I know you said that we're not sponsored by this, but we,--
[Aaron] But we use it.
[Jennifer] but we do use Young Living, and we do believe in what they have to offer, and and have really fallen in love with their products. So, I just wanted to put that out there, just so that people know and we're clear about that.
[Aaron] We're not trying to be tricky or anything, we just, these are literally products we love and no one's asked us to share about them. Except for us, wanting to share about them.
[Jennifer] Okay so when it comes to cleaning I really love the Thieves Spray, which in the beginning I was using wrong, because I didn't know it could be diluted. I literally would just put the spray cap--
[Aaron] And everything was just like slimy and had like, film all over the
[Jennifer] Uh yeah, like a residue.
[Aaron] We had residue everywhere.
[Jennifer] On the countertops.
[Aaron] Oh man, there was no germs I bet.
[Jennifer] Ah, probably not. So the Thieves container comes, and then you dilute it, and it lasts a long time. But it smells really good, and I can use it for--
[Aaron] Everything.
[Jennifer] I feel like every, one product, I feel like I can use for so much.
[Aaron] And what's awesome is like, if you sprayed it on food by accident, I'm not saying you should eat it, but it's not going to be like spraying Lysol on something. Like you spray the table, you spray the the highchair, you spray, you're not worried about this, you know hurting your children. Which is awesome. It's an added benefit to this kind of cleaning product.
[Jennifer] Another awesome cleaning product, is by a company called Norwex, it's really awesome you guys, they do these microfiber cloths, but they're like--
[Aaron] Aren't they infused with like silver?
[Jennifer] Yeah, they're infused with silver, and they just, I don't know what about it is, but like, when you go to clean the stove, you barely have to even scrape, it's just like,
[Aaron] Reusable
[Jennifer] It like makes you want to clean. The window rag, you just you put water on it, and just wipe your window down, and they look crystal clear. I bought these mitts for the kids that have, they're just really easy slip-on gloves, but they're good for dusting,
[Aaron] So that they can help clean?
[Jennifer] So that they can help clean. Oh and our mop, I use the Norwex mop, and it's just really nice. It's good, I like it. I like their stuff.
[Aaron] I wouldn't say those are necessarily, healthy products, they're just good products that we love using.
[Jennifer] Oh yeah.
[Aaron] On that specific one,
[Jennifer] On the Norwex side of things.
[Aaron] I did wanna go back, and just real quick, the Thieves Spray, we just talked about, I wanted to say it like it what it replaces. Because I think, as we go, we should just remind them, also, what it replaces like, it replaces Lysol spray, it replaces window spray, it replaces like toilet cleaner, it replaces all these things that you'd use to clean your countertops, or your floors, or your tables, or your, it does all of those things.
[Jennifer] So for all you minimalists out there,
[Aaron] You get one thing, and it does all.
[Jennifer] It'll make your cleaning closet, or cupboard very pretty looking.
[Aaron] It also smells really nice.
[Jennifer] It does, that's true. For laundry, again that they sell Thieves Laundry Detergent and we've really liked that. And I just noticed that, there's a drastic difference when washing towels and washcloths. They're just so much cleaner.
[Aaron] And they smell fresher, and they feel nicer. I've been really liking that, as well. This is this one's kind of like for me. So Jennifer, actually, doesn't use the the Thieves Laundry Soap for me, because I'm really sensitive, my skin, if we, if there's any laundry detergent that has any sort of dyes or perfumes or anything, I get like a rash, on my whole body.
[Jennifer] If I even think about changing it, he breaks out--
[Aaron] Now, it happens, we've gone, we've stayed at hotels in the past, and I wake up in the morning and I'm just like red, and I go down and I'm like, "What are you guys washing your stuff with?" And they're like "We don't know, why?" And I'm like "I like I need something else." It's like horrible 'cause I'm like sleeping on these blankets and pillows, and so the only thing that we found work, we've actually tried venturing out, into other things, is the Arm & Hammer Sensitive Skin laundry detergent.
[Jennifer] But it's fragrance-free, it's clear,
[Aaron] Dye free. I'm sure it's got a couple of bad things in it, but literally, it's the only one that I've been able to use and not like break out in a rash on my body. But that comes in a huge bottle and we use it for me so.
[Jennifer] Okay so earlier, we mentioned the shower, and just how the bathroom is much
[Aaron] less cluttered,
[Jennifer] Yeah, less cluttered. So we use dr. Bronner's for just about everything when it comes to washing our bodies.
[Aaron] Body wash, shampoo,
[Jennifer] I use it in the kids hair, I throw it in their bath and they have different scents, and they come in big bottles
[Aaron] I like the rose scented one.
[Jennifer] I will say this, the first couple times that we used it, do you remember how it felt like, really different, almost oily, but then once you got out of the shower it was like,
[Aaron] Yeah, 'cause it doesn't suds the same way, as like a regular shampoo and also, you have to dilute it. And so you if you use too much, it's like everywhere but it comes off really easy. Doesn't leave any residue, but it's, we love it we use it for everything. Apparently you can use dr. Bronner's for like, laundry soap,
[Jennifer] Yep. and dish washing soap
[Jennifer] You can use it for a lot of stuff.
[Aaron] We use it mainly in the shower, but yeah, you can
[Jennifer] I use it for my face wash now, face and body wash,
[Aaron] You can use it for everything. We wanna make a note that, the company that that owns dr. Bronner's, they write a bunch of weird stuff on the packaging so we're not necessarily endorsing what is written on the packaging, but we love the product.
[Jennifer] When it comes to my like, lotions and things like that, Cetaphil is pretty bland, there's not very much stuff in it. I've used that for years now. I love the orange blossom and ART brand from Young Living when it comes to face moisturizer. The Genesis lotion is also really great, especially because, well, it smells clean and fresh, but it's not super fragrant. That one's good, just an overall lotion, I use that one for the kids. But also, Aaron,
[Aaron] Yeah, there's a lotion that I, I hate lotions, like I don't like putting anything in my hands, even though, like right now, my hands are so dry because it's so dry out. But I hate feeling like greasy and the lotion I love the most is from Bend Soap Company, they're actually right here in our hometown. And they make this goat milk lotion, they make goat milk soap, they make a lot of really awesome things. So if you have really sensitive skin, like eczema, things like that, their soaps are amazing for it. That's actually why they started the company, 'cause one of their sons had issues with skin like that.
[Jennifer] What I like is their milk bath, it comes in these like shavings,
[Aaron] Oh yeah.
[Jennifer] And it's just, you toss it in the bath with the kids, and it's just so fun.
[Aaron] So just go check out Bend Soap Company, I can't remember the domain, but just Google Bend Soap Company. And their lotion, does not feel greasy. Once it's rubbed in, it's like, it smells nice, it feels great.
[Jennifer] You don't have to go wash your hands
[Aaron] It feels soft, yeah I don't have to wash my hands afterwards.
[Jennifer] For toothpaste we do use Young Living. The Thieves whitening, specifically, is really good for us. And then we use it the kid's ones for the kids. But for the deodorant, this was a big one for me, because I feel like every time I try to use like, a natural deodorant, it just felt weird
[Aaron] They don't work.
[Jennifer] and didn't work
[Jennifer] Yeah, but there's a new company out I'd say a fairly new. They're gaining ground, they're like in Target now,
[Aaron] Yeah, they actually have some body washes now, I saw.
[Jennifer] Oh really?
[Aaron] Yeah, I almost bought a bottle of it.
[Jennifer] Oh you should, I'll have to try it.
[Aaron] But I like my Bronner's
[Jennifer] I know. It's called Native. And they have great scents, it goes on smooth, almost silky like, and it works. Someone asked me, "Do you think it'll work during postpartum?" And I'm like, "That I haven't tried yet, "so we'll know this time around." But I've really really enjoyed Native.
[Aaron] Yeah, it doesn't have the heavy metals, or nothin' in it,
[Jennifer] Paraben-free
[Aaron] So it won't necessarily protect you from perspiring, I should say. It's not an antiperspirant, it's a deodorant. So it protects from the smell, but--
[Jennifer] I don't, really notice--
[Aaron] Yeah, well, it's winter right now, so I don't know, sometimes.
[Jennifer] I've been using it for a while though.
[Aaron] But I like it a lot. It smells great, it feels good, and deodorant is another one that's really been a, hard one for me because, like, pretty much any deodorant I use, I used to use the Arm & Hammer deodorant, but that has some metals in it, and so I've since switched to Native, but Arm & Hammer and Native are the only ones that don't give me rashes on my arms. And they're painful, you've see them.
[Jennifer] Yeah,
[Aaron] Like, I they hurt. And I've loved their deodorants.
[Jennifer] Another good product for chapstick, is Burt's Bees.
[Aaron] Yeah that's good. Especially their vanilla brand,
[Aaron] I think a lot of people are like, "yeah, I like that." Burt's Bees, they've been pretty synonymous for chapsticks.
[Jennifer] That or coconut oil. Which coconut oil, you guys, you could used for literally everything.
[Aaron] Yeah, we should do an episode on that.
[Jennifer] Dry skin, lips--
[Aaron] intimacy, oh we're gonna talk about it.
[Jennifer] Lubricancy, or, lubricancy?
[Aaron] Lubricancy
[Jennifer] Whatever that is.
[Aaron] It's like, new word.
[Jennifer] Okay before we get there, supplements, some things that I've been taking his last year, Nordic Naturals--
[Aaron] You've been, just real quick, you've been getting a lot, into the supplements, just because of your--
[Jennifer] Thyroid.
[Aaron] your thyroid. So you've been learning a lot about these.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Because we're, we're trying to avoid going with other stronger, methods, we're trying to do the natural way,
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] and you've been, pretty consistent with this.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and just as a testament, after being on the supplements, I have actually, my numbers have gone down, and in my symptoms have pretty much dissipated, but I've also been pregnant the last nine months.
[Aaron] Which does change things, yep.
[Jennifer] So it does change things. But Nordic Naturals has a really great, strawberry flavored, omega-3. Which I love. And I've been taking--
[Aaron] So it doesn't just taste like fish? It tastes like strawberries? That's good.
[Jennifer] Yeah. We've taking D3 a lot. Young Living has a great line of supplements that we use, like the vitamin C, the vitamin B, Multigreens,
[Aaron] Yeah, I've been loving their Master Formula. It's like a pack of like five little supplements, and vitamin B, C, D3, all these different ones. I've been taking that, pretty much regularly, every day, I really enjoy that one.
[Jennifer] Cool. Okay so for pregnancy and post-partum care, my friend recommended ancient magnesium lotion for restless legs, and it works.
[Aaron] Do you get restless legs when you're pregnant?
[Jennifer] Yeah, mostly towards the end,
[Aaron] I'm being facetious, because I know.
[Jennifer] I know, Aaron does the massaging, with the lotion,
[Aaron] Yeah
[Jennifer] Thank you, Aaron.
[Aaron] You've had pretty bad restless legs this time.
[Jennifer] Yeah,
[Aaron] And the magnesium lotion--
[Jennifer] It's been good.
[Aaron] And lavender, on your feet.
[Jennifer] Yep.
[Aaron] Has been, really helping you.
[Jennifer] Yep, that's true.
[Aaron] 'Cause I can tell, 'cause then you fall asleep.
[Jennifer] Yeah. I've love it. And then the other thing that helps, has helped me during this pregnancy is the Young Living Deep Relief roller and I don't necessarily put it on, but like I smell it, like especially when I'm nauseous, or anything like that.
[Aaron] I personally don't like this one because of how cold it feels. It's like all this--
[Jennifer] When you put it on, yeah.
[Aaron] Like the peppermint in it, I just can't.
[Jennifer] The cooling effect.
[Aaron] But it does work, but it's too cold for me. So you brought up makeup in the beginning, I remember you used to go to the MAC store and you were like, "We have to go to the mall, I need some MAC." And I was like, "Are you serious? "You look beautiful." I've never liked you wearing makeup. You remember this? I was like, "You don't need to wear makeup." But you've used since not used makeup, the MAC makeup and for a long time, you didn't use almost anything, because we couldn't find anything. What do you use now? I'm sure some of the women are like, "What kind of makeup do you use?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, so I would say, like my everyday would be, a primer from Urban Decay, which just kind of holds the eyeshadow on, and the eye shadow is also from Urban Decay. And I just like it, they're neutral colors, easy to put on really quick, and the times that I do use foundation, it's a powder foundation from Young Living, it's called Savvy Minerals, it's like a mineral makeup. And it goes on super light and so,
[Aaron] But that's rare.
[Jennifer] Yeah, it's like on Sundays.
[Aaron] I would say you used to use a lot more makeup, and now it's like, you do a little eyeliner,
[Jennifer] Yeah,
[Aaron] You do a little mascara,
[Jennifer] I don't use eyeliner actually.
[Aaron] You don't use eyeliner?
[Jennifer] No but my mascara, Smashbox has been a really good favorite, paraben-free, and Clinique.
[Aaron] Clinique,
[Jennifer] Yep.
[Aaron] So no eyeliner, but mascara, okay, and then you use some lipstick sometimes.
[Jennifer] Every once in a while.
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] The Burt's Bees tinted is really nice.
[Aaron] 'cause it's kinda like lipstick, and it's moisturizing
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] Yeah, so I'm just making a note that you wear way less makeup than you use to
[Jennifer] Oh yeah.
[Aaron] And I think you're beautiful.
[Jennifer] Thank you.
[Aaron] Yeah, well, I'm not lying. I've never been a fan of a lot of makeup, and because of this, you've since found contentment in just a very little.
[Jennifer] Yep.
[Aaron] Which I think is really awesome.
[Jennifer] Okay so when it comes to intimacy, you guys we ditched pretty much, well, we did all lubricants because of--
[Aaron] And we've tried a lot of lubricants 'cause,
[Jennifer] We've tried a lot
[Aaron] 'cause, things didn't work.
[Jennifer] But there were so many of 'em that had parabens in it.
[Aaron] All of them.
[Jennifer] Every single one,
[Jennifer] We didn't even know,
[Aaron] Had parabens, yeah.
[Jennifer] And then other things on top of that that were just not good for you, so, we stuck to coconut oil for a really long time.
[Aaron] So, tip, coconut oil's amazing, for that, specifically, and it's so good for you too. And it feels good. That was a little side note, for the adults in the room. So, I guess what we wanna get at, and I'm sure there's like a ton more things that we--
[Jennifer] I know,
[Aaron] we use that are healthy, and we could probably, make a whole other list, but we essentially, wanted to show you that we've simplified, we found the handful of products that we love, and that we know what's in them, and we just, what's really awesome about this is, we it makes shopping easier, it's actually cheaper 'cause we're not buying a bunch of stuff and always experimenting, we're not always saying like "Well, let's try this new thing." We just say "Nope, we love this product. "Let's just go with it, we know it works." And so it makes, we don't think as much about those things. We know that we're minimizing the amount of chemicals we're putting on us, on our kids. And so we can have some peace of mind, and just one less thing that we have to think about, in our home. And we can put more intention into the spiritual growth of our family, into our careers, into our children, into each other, and we're not like worried about these other things.
[Jennifer] Yeah, or when you say, "don't put as much "thought into them," I would say initially we do, because we do look at ingredients. We look and we do our research and figure out what we want to use, and we're in agreement when we choose things, but then, once we know what it is, it's kinda like that going back to that spaghetti sauce, once we found the one that didn't have sugar in it, we just stick to that one.
[Aaron] And it's great. We love it.
[Jennifer] And it makes it easy. It makes it so easy when you know what you are good with.
[Aaron] Well, and grocery shopping's hard. I don't know if everyone who's listening is like, "Yeah grocery shopping's hard." Like, for us it's hard, like, so once you, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel every single time, we've kinda, we slowly over time with built, our list of things that we like, "Oh, these are the things--
[Jennifer] Stick to the basics
[Aaron] "that we can, "we're just gonna go to those things." And some of them are a little but more expensive. But what's awesome is we don't get as much of everything, like we get those handful of things and I was just at the grocery store the other day, and I was just thinking how awesome it is, that we have these habits on the things that we get. There's just the staples in our home, there's things that we get often. We've already looked at the ingredients. We know we enjoy them. We know that we like them. And it just makes these normal, everyday things so much more enjoyable and easy. They're less stressful like, all around like, this this this way of thinking, is just good for our everyday life. To simplify, to know the things that we like, and we create the good habit. And then that habit is there. So we don't have to reinvent the wheel, every single time we walk to the grocery store. Or every time we are shopping for something for our home, and for our kids.
[Jennifer] And we also gotta know when we do choose that organic, clean, non-toxic, or non-GMO, whatever the thing is, we can't be up so obsessive about it that when we go out, or someone offers us, or brings us--
[Aaron] Right. That's a good point.
[Jennifer] food during, postpartum, or whatever it is, that we're not nitpicky in a way that promotes--
[Aaron] Is this from that specific brand?
[Jennifer] Yeah, let's not be like that.
[Aaron] Yeah, we're not, yeah.
[Jennifer] And I guess what I'm trying to say is we can't make it in idol. I think it's important to be healthy, and do the best that we can, but there's going to be times that we can't, and that's okay. We can't make living out this way, become an idol in our lives, and especially not become a strife point between husband and wife. I think this is something that you guys,
[Aaron] Or friends,
[Jennifer] can learn about together. Engage in together, and agree on together.
[Aaron] That's a really good point, you know it's good to, in general, be making healthier habits in our life, but the point is not just to be healthier, it's too have a good habits. It's to walk rightly and have wisdom. And so is that thing, if those things, are getting in the way of your relationships with other people, they need to be put on the shelf. Not forever, but like you need to check yourself, and say "Am I letting this thing get in the way of them?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, or if you really, truly have a heart to encourage your friends, or family members, or whoever to also, live a healthy lifestyle, be patient with them, because it might take someone else more time, than maybe it took you, or I don't know, I just feel like we need to have compassion for people's learning experience,
[Aaron] Yeah, well and also don't let this, one last little warning, don't let this be the message you preach. It's good to encourage people and say "Hey like, you know, why don't you try this? "Why don't you try some more healthy things? "Here's an idea." It's one thing to share, healthy lifestyle, and to encourage someone, but if that if that replaces the message we should be preaching, the message of Christ, if like we have this opportunity and we're instead, we're encouraging someone to be healthier, and then what were thinking is, holiness comes from that. Rather than encouraging someone in Christ, and making the healthy lifestyle thing, that's an ancillary thing in our life that were like, "Oh and I like to live healthy, "and here's some ideas if you're interested." So the main messages is our life represents Christ and we preach him. 'Cause, we could do that sometimes. I got excited about crossfit, and every conversation I had was about crossfit, and I have to check myself and be like, "Hey, is this getting in the way "of the message I should be preaching right now?
[Jennifer] That's really good Aaron, and I just, you know, just even thinking about this episode, it's little bit fun and quirky, and you know, not very Christ driven, but yet, I think the encouragement here is that we're aware of what we're putting in and on our bodies because, the scripture to tell us about, our bodies being the Holy Temple.
[Aaron] Right, and we're, it's just being wise. Let's be wise with our bodies, and we can't control everything, and we shouldn't try and control everything. But what we can control, with moderation, with wisdom, and with sober mindedness, you know, thinking rightly, I think there's wisdom in that. And walking good, and not just putting junk in our bodies, and on our bodies.
[Jennifer] And it has felt really good, I think you would agree with me, in having the conversations from time to time, about our lifestyle choices, about the things that we're doing, the things that were buying, and it's something that we evaluate often. You know, even when we go to the grocery store and so, I would hope that this episode, encourages couples to do that.
[Aaron] Yeah.
[Jennifer] So I also wanna let you guys know that if you, especially the wife, if you're interested in following me on Instagram, @unveiledwife, there's a highlight tab called toxic, free, healthy living, and you can get more information there. And also if you're curious about more things, if you want to hear more about, you know, the things that we use just message me.
[Aaron] So before we close in prayer, I thought it'd be cool if we let everyone know some of the resources and people that we follow that kinda promote, some healthy living, so what are you share some of those?
[Jennifer] So Dashing Dish, she's a good friend of ours and she is--
[Aaron] She's awesome.
[Jennifer] really good at just like, meal planning, healthy fitness,
[Aaron] Believer, loves the Lord.
[Jennifer] everything you can think of, if you want some inspiration she's a great resource. Dr. Mark Hyman H-Y-M-A-N, is a really great resource, he just talks about the holistic living, like that Aaron mentioned. Carrie Vitt, I think it's a Vitt, or Veet. It's C-A-R-R-I-E V-I-T-T and on Instagram, that's where I follow her, and she talks a lot about thyroid health. So I mention that earlier--
[Aaron] Yeah, which is important to you.
[Jennifer] Yeah, if you guys are interested in more inspiration for thyroid health, she's a great one to listen to, or watch, or follow. Follow, yeah.
[Jennifer] I don't know what it's called. Another one is just.ingredients. She is going to really fun resource, a newer resource that--
[Aaron] Someone shared this with you, yeah.
[Jennifer] someone shared with me, and she does like, Costco overhauls, she'll compare products and it's just been really great.
[Aaron] A note on her, isn't she the one, that she'll say "If you can't do this, "at least do this?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, I think so.
[Aaron] And so she shows you like, if you can't afford this, the best product, here's one that's a little bit better than that other product.
[Jennifer] I know she shows pictures too, of like, comparing products and things like that. So that's just.ingredients. And then another one I've been falling recently, is Purely Parsons. She's a fun one, just a mom, also nurse, who shares a lot of things, and her highlight reel, I mean, so much about birth, postpartum care, flu season, just home remedies, farming, like, anything that you can think of that you want to know more about, she's just a fun person to follow. And I really appreciated, how much time she takes in explaining things, and sharing resources. And then we had mentioned Sugar Busters, but if you want to know more about the toxi, I can't say that word,
[Aaron] Toxicity. of sugar, Dr. Robert Lustig L-U-S-T-I-G
[Aaron] Oh yeah, he's the guy
[Jennifer] he's the guy. And especially on YouTube. Just research him and check out some of his--
[Aaron] He talks about what sugar does in our bodies. and this is not to be an anti sugar talk, we just when we're aware of how things interact with our body, how God created our bodies, it's pretty interesting 'cause it's not normal things to learn, so just wanna encourage you to check that out. So hey, we just want to thank everyone for being here today. As usual, we like to close in prayer. And so just Jennifer, why don't you pray for us?
[Jennifer] Okay. Dear Lord, thank you for our bodies. We pray would be good stewards of our bodies and consider all that goes on them, and in them. We pray we would be willing to take the time and research the items we use on a daily basis. Using things that help us and not hurt us. Lord, we ask that you would give us wisdom as we navigate living a healthy lifestyle. Help us to make good choices, and be on the same page in marriage, so that we can enjoy the benefits of living toxic-free. Please help us to not be overwhelmed by the process of learning, but rather, help us to be humble and willing to learn so that we can choose what is healthy for us, and be advocates of healthy living for the sake of others. We pray living healthy would not become an idol in our lives and would not hinder any of our relationships. May we be people who don't just consume, but people who care about our bodies, and take care of them. In Jesus' name, amen.
[Aaron] Amen. We love you all, We thank you for joining us on this episode. We hope it was enjoyable and educational. Go follow @unveiledwife and check out some of her, some more of her things. She posts about them often. And again, we love you, and we look forward to having you next week, possibly as long as we don't have the baby before then, we'll get some episodes up. See you next week. Did you enjoy Today Show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com. And let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
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| 21 Nov 2024 | How to Have Supernatural Unity In Your Marriage - Interview with Mark & Christine Jewell | 01:10:33 | |
In today's episode, Aaron interviews Mark and Christine Jewell, who share their powerful journey of finding unity in marriage through complete surrender to God. From meeting at a Tony Robbins event to merging their successful businesses, the Jewells candidly discuss how God transformed their perspective on marriage, money, and ministry. In this rich conversation, we explore:
Whether you're navigating a blended family, considering working with your spouse, or simply wanting deeper unity in your marriage, this conversation offers biblical wisdom and practical insights for pursuing God's best together. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Mark and Christine:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Mark Jewell, Christine Jewell, supernatural unification, blended families, kingdom business, marriage unity, financial stewardship, spiritual growth, business partnership, marriage coaching, spiritual leadership, surrendering to God, Christian marriage Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 20 Oct 2022 | Does Your Past Baggage Affect Your Present Marriage? | 00:54:48 | |
This episode is brought to you by our 31 prayers for my son and daughter devotionals. Click here to get "31 Prayers For My Son" Click here to get "31 Prayers For My Daughter" -----
Are we choosing to hold onto ways of being because of the past? Often these things can be subconscious, but for the believer, eventually, God will work these things to the surface. We tend to believe we see our spouse and their faults and sins so clearly but have such a hard time identifying areas we need to repent of and mature in. Once you recognize something in you that needs to be cleaned out, transformed. What are actionable steps to do next?
2 Corinthians 3:17-18 [Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. Weekly Challenge:Take each other by surprise. Sweet or sneaky. Prank, scare, or silly. A friend of mine surprised her husband over the weekend and cleaned the garage and got him a toolbox to organize everything Do something for your spouse they haven't had time for - clean out the car or garage, organize a closet, paint that dresser, shred those papers, clean out the fridge, do the lawns.
PRAYER Dear Lord, Thank You for the way Your truth transforms our lives. Thank you for not giving up on us. Our hearts ache over the sin in our lives that cost you everything. We pray we would honor you by acknowledging and confessing our sin. We pray we would not hold onto anything that we shouldn’t. If we are hoarding anything from our past that is having a negative effect on us we pray we would be diligent and courageous to take that step to reconcile with you and restore any parts of our marriage we broke down because of things we hold onto or ways we believed about ourselves or each other. We pray we would be willing to surrender to you every day. In Jesus’ name AMEN!
READ TRANSCRIPT Jennifer (00:09): Hi, and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (00:12): We're your hosts Aaron Jennifer Smith. We
Jennifer (00:14): Have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast.
Aaron (00:18): We love God and we love marriage
Jennifer (00:20): And we love to be honest about it
Aaron (00:21): All. Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. So
Jennifer (00:26): Our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage,
Aaron (00:30): Especially in light of the gospel.
Jennifer (00:32): We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you
Aaron (00:35): Laugh. But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together.
Jennifer (00:39): This is after God.
Aaron (00:47): Ready, set, go.
Jennifer (00:49): Welcome back to another episode of Marriage After God. I'm your host, Jennifer Smith.
Aaron (00:54): I'm Aaron Smith.
Jennifer (00:55): No, I said I'm your host. I was kidding. Oh,
Aaron (00:57): Aaron's here too. We are. It's we.
Jennifer (01:00): I know, but you let me do the intro so
Aaron (01:02): You can change however you want.
Jennifer (01:05): Well seriously, welcome back. Thank you for being here today. We hope that today's episode blesses you and encourages you. And yeah,
Aaron (01:13): What's today's episode about?
Jennifer (01:15): Today we are going to
Aaron (01:18): ,
Jennifer (01:20): We're going to discuss how our past AKA baggage, so people say it's nevermind.
Aaron (01:27): . What do people say? I dunno. You got baggage.
Jennifer (01:30): How it may be affecting your present.
Aaron (01:33): Right. So we're going to be talking about those past things that kind of crept into our present. Nows.
Jennifer (01:41): Okay.
Aaron (01:41): We should just move on. Okay.
Jennifer (01:44): Sponsor is
Aaron (01:45): .
Jennifer (01:46): Oh,
Aaron (01:47): Can you do? The sponsor
Jennifer (01:49): Episode is brought to you by our 31 prayers for my son and daughter devotionals next to our marriage. Our children are the greatest ministry that we have been given. They truly are a gift from God and he desires us to not only take care of their physical needs, but also their emotional and spiritual ones. And so Aaron and I created these devotionals for all parents to be able to pray for their son and daughter or sons and daughters. And so yeah, we just wanted to encourage you guys to build a daily habit of praying for our little ones. Praying for your little ones.
Aaron (02:21): After this episode, please pick up your copy and begin a lifelong journey of interceding for your children. You can get yours today@amazon.com or shop dot marriage after god.com.
Jennifer (02:33): So I'm going to set up the scene here as we intro into today's topic. I don't know if you guys remember when I told you we signed up for CC this year. It's called Classical Conversations and once a week you go to community day, which is just, I don't know why I feel like I'm stuttAarong or something. It's community day and we get to meet up with our class and our friends and we go through what we're learning about, which is really fun. But every day, every time when we come back home, I get out of the car and I'm telling the kids, you know what we're doing the rest of the day. And they kind of just fly. They're like,
Aaron (03:13): They're gone and everything gets dumped at the front door.
Jennifer (03:16): Well, half of it at least. And so the other half is still stuck in the car in the van.
Aaron (03:20): That's also
Jennifer (03:20): True. And they're overflowing with their schoolwork or Ziploc baggies or whatever they had that day. So yeah, like Aaron said, the others are just left in front of the doorway to trip over or be in my way. So that's kind of just how it's been every Wednesday working on things. This is our first year actually having backpacks and there's five of 'em. And so the kids are just like, we're homeschooled. We don't know what to do with backpacks. I dunno.
Aaron (03:48): Well they don't have a place to put. Yeah. But also we have this thing in our home where every flat surface is stuff gets put stuff, it's a place to put stuff on.
Jennifer (03:56): What's really funny about that is I spent all day trying to clean off countertops and the laundry room has been kind of an eyesore for me cuz it sits behind the kitchen and we've just been stockpiling a bunch of stuff back there that needs to go out to the garage or be put away. And so today I was like, I'm going to do this. And so I get it all clean, I wipe it down, I'm so happy. The laundry room's looking sparkly clean. And then we had to clean out the van and there was bike helmets and stuff from Home Depot and I'm like four
Aaron (04:25): Months of
Jennifer (04:25): Clothes. So I'm taking all this stuff out and I'm realizing I'm just putting it on the laundry counter and I'm mad at myself
Aaron (04:32): Flat surface. Why am I doing this? It's right there. We do it. Yeah.
Jennifer (04:35): It's not my kids' fault. their backpack situation. It's totally mine.
Aaron (04:39): Maybe it's all that baggage. Yeah.
Jennifer (04:41): Well why ? Thank you. I brought this up for a reason. I was painting a picture for you guys. So the point is that it's a process of learning and then the need is that ev by every Wednesday we need the backpacks cleaned out and ready to go and prepared for the following week.
Aaron (05:03): So it could be used again. So
Jennifer (05:05): It could be used again the right way.
Aaron (05:06): Yeah, the right way.
Jennifer (05:08): Anyways, I'll move on. Today we want to find those bags in our lives that have been left to collect dust or the ones that we kind of leave right there to consistently trip us up and be in our way. And we want to encourage you to take an intentional moment to sift through it and clean it out and put it away,
Aaron (05:24): Or at minimum at least let the Holy Spirit point out stuff to us that we've been holding onto and that we were, you actually were just talking about this book you're reading and this idea of going on family hikes. Yeah. And they were discussing having the kids have a backpack and you were saying, well,
Jennifer (05:43): I was laughing because as I'm reading it, she's put a couple small snacks in there, which is a great idea.
Aaron (05:48): I know we put water
Jennifer (05:49): Bottles in. Yeah. I'm like, no, I'm only bringing three backpacks, not five or seven. And I load 'em up and then they're two heavy
Aaron (05:55): Parts and we always end up, we're carrying all the
Jennifer (05:57): Backpacks. Yeah. I've got two kids and five
Aaron (05:59): Members. The backpack, the baggage, the reason that term is used is because it's things that we carry with us
Jennifer (06:07): And weigh us down and make things
Aaron (06:09): Hard. And sometimes we don't even know those things are there. And so hopefully in this episode,
Jennifer (06:14): But other times it's things that we don't wanna let go
Aaron (06:16): Of. Yeah. We're like hoarders of our past stuff. So hopefully, first of all, you're encouraged as always. That's what we want to also make you laugh a little bit. But are we just going to be allow the Holy Spirit to make us aware and open our eyes and point things out to us for the purpose of being better, growing, mature, maturing being free from those things. So mm-hmm What the zips about?
Jennifer (06:48): So I think the first thing that needs to happen in order for anyone to be able to start unloading the past or being able to move forward from it is to recognize that we're multifaceted creatures complex. Well, we're a little bit complex.
Aaron (07:05): I think we oversimplify ourselves and we think, oh, this is who I am. And we forget that there's a plethora of variables in our life that affect us. And so not only do we have our flesh, our biology, how our brain works, the things that we like, the things that hurt us and our pain thresholds and all these things about our biology, but we also have a heart. Or in other words our will like things that we desire, things that we want ways of thinking. We also have our spirit, which is our eternal identity. We're eternal creatures. And all of those things can and are affected in by many different things. This whole idea of nature and nurture, what was it your environment or was it your D n a or both outside influences and situations as well as personal choices and beliefs, things that, all of these things. And each one of us can just look at the whole of our life, how we were raised, relationships, we've had ways of thinking things. Things that we had no control of that have happened to us and how those things have affected us and have crept into our today and how we respond and act and think. And so I think at least for me, it's hard sometimes to recognize certain things about myself to see ourselves objectively.
Jennifer (08:37): But you say it's hard for me, I'm resistant , like I'm not going to
Aaron (08:40): Look. But it's also hard, it's even when it's stuff's presented like wait a minute, that's not real. But things that exist. And so I think it'd be foolish for us to continue in life and just believe that we are who we are and that's it.
Jennifer (09:01): Well it's a process that needs to be learned, just like how I was talking about our kids. They need to be told by someone, Hey go put your backpack away cuz they don't know the consequence yet of tripping over a backpack or how mom feels when it's stuck in the car.
Aaron (09:15): Or the worst one of them getting in a bad habit their whole life.
Jennifer (09:18): bad habit, their not putting stuff away, not being prepared or ready for the next one. So, so just, they need the direction and the guidance and the know-how. Sometimes we maybe always we need someone telling us, Hey, maybe you should do this. So that's what we are here for today. Hey, so we're going to tell you, hey, maybe you should do this.
Aaron (09:39): And there's a term that we've used throughout our marriage, this idea of self-awareness. Yeah, it's something that we should get better at and just grow in. And it's not just a self-awareness that we kind of only look from our own eyes, but we look through God's eyes, we look through his word and we say, okay, who are we? And that's the beauty of God's word, is that it is always a true reflection of us, of who we are without Christ and of who we are with him.
Jennifer (10:12): That's good. Explain that real quick.
Aaron (10:14): Well we can have a self-evaluation and we look at ourselves, no, who I am is who I am. And you can't say nothing about it. But all that is is just saying, this is my view, my position.
Jennifer (10:26): When you have a cute offer on and you look in the mirror and you're like, man, I look good today, but you never turned around to see,
Aaron (10:30): Yeah, you're
Jennifer (10:31): Dresses, it's going on back there,
Aaron (10:33): Mullet. It's got mullet back there. But when we look at the word, it's not it. It's not going to take into account how you see you, but it will tell you how you see you. And whether that's right or wrong, but what it's going to, what it really is, what the word of God is doing is it's telling us who we are and that it either way, whether we're with Christ or not, it's saying, oh here's, here's who you are without Christ. Here's who you are with Christ and who Christ is making you to be. And so second Corinthians, just like a handful of verses I want to just throw out here, just kind of start this conversation off. Cuz if we don't believe these things then it doesn't matter what we say today, you're just going to always remain where you're at cuz that's what you believe. But if we believe these things, then a whole new world gets opened up for us and there's some awesome things.
Jennifer (11:26): So you're about to hold up a mirror.
Aaron (11:28): Yeah. Here's the mirror, second Corinthians five 17. This is who we are in Christ. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The oldest passed away, behold the new has come. This is a hard verse for a lot of believers to we read it, we're like, yeah, that sounds great. But I personally and I, I'm sure other people have felt this way on many different things because of different ways of being different sin in my life. I look at this, I'm like, that sounds great, but not for me because it doesn't seem to be working for me.
Jennifer (12:01): In which times that you
Aaron (12:03): Couldn't
Jennifer (12:03): Change, couldn't
Aaron (12:04): Change anything, there's a sin I couldn't overcome. There a way of being that wouldn't be transformed. And I would say, well, where's that new creation? The reality is this is true. I was just believing the lie that I couldn't be, that I'm not a new creation. And so the reality for every believer who is in Christ, they are a new creation. That is their current status, new creation. And the old has passed away and the new has come. So that's the truth. Ephesians five, eight, for one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord, walk as children of the light. Also true currently, Romans 12, two, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. That by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. So we have these two verses that are like, this is your current status. And then you have this third verse that is like, here's how your current status, but also your current operation be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
Jennifer (13:11): And I just wanna encourage you guys sending this verse about being transformed by the renewal of your mind is not like a one time look. Your mind is transformed more. So it's a continual process of being transformed when you're in the word daily and you're abiding in the word, it's transforming you. And I think sometimes we get caught up as Christians, especially those of us who have been Christians for a long time. We think, oh, I was transformed. And then we wrestle and we get confused and we get frustrated over things not changing. But how long has it been since we've been actively in the word?
Aaron (13:53): And it's also a lifelong transformation. I love about this verse right here in Romans 12, two, there's this contrast of being conformed versus being transformed. Conformed is, if you imagine setting play-Doh into a mold, you just set it on top and it's slowly just forms to the mold. It's very passive. This is what happens when we do not actively believe what the word says. We just solely conform to the world and its standards. But being transformed, that's an active thing that Christ does through his word, by that renewal of our minds. So when we read his word, our minds actually change and we change with it. So when our minds change, our lives change, we are being transformed. So
Jennifer (14:41): Which that is not a passive thing, that's it's not
Aaron (14:43): Passive at all. Active thing. Yeah, it's very active. And then it says by testing you may a certain. So all of those things about transformation are very active things. Transformation, renewal, testing, all good things. So all this to say is that part of this new creation that we are is that we're being changed, transformed, renewed every day if we like God, if we allow his word to transform us and renew our minds. And so that's where we're moving forward in this conversation is, hey, let's let God's word reveal things to us. Let's let his spirit point out to us areas that he desires to change in us. The Bible calls it the circumcision of Christ, him coming into our lives and cutting away dead flesh and transforming us.
Jennifer (15:30): One of the reasons we wanted to share this specific topic with you guys today, the why is this important is we think it's worth exploring our hearts to see if there's anything that has been in there for a while, something that's been affecting us, or maybe something that gets triggered when certain things happen and we feel a certain way because marriage is full of consistent interactions with one another. , right. We're
Aaron (15:58): Cons. Millions of, yeah.
Jennifer (15:59): Yeah. Little ways and big ways. So because this happens on the daily all the time, it's important to know what comes out of us and is it coming from somewhere in the past? Is it coming from a more recent past and how is it motivating our reactions and responses?
Aaron (16:20): I can't remember the scripture reference, but it's out of the overflow of the heart. The mouth speaks and what's in our hearts and things come out of us. And Jesus even says this, he says, it's not what goes into the stomach that defiles a man, but what comes out of him.
Jennifer (16:39): And we were talking about the difference between reactions and responses. And I mean, we talk about our responses to each other all the time. Because if I say something in a way that hurts you, we're talking about it. If you do it, we're talking about it. And so it's just a thing that marriage has to do. And so you said this, you explained it really good, you said a response is intentional and thoughtful, it's self controlled.
Aaron (17:06): And a reaction is just prompt. We acting in our flesh based off of our dispositions. And
Jennifer (17:14): So those things in the baggage area, are going to come out in a reaction.
Aaron (17:23): But if we are more thoughtful, more self-aware, just walking in, keeping step of the spirit, we can learn and practice and grow and being able to respond thoughtfully to all circumstances in life. Not just our spouse, not just our kids. But that's what I wanna be. Be a person that learns to respond rather than just react. Right.
Jennifer (17:47): Okay. So let's talk about some of these things that we would find in our bags, in our backpacks.
Aaron (17:53): Yeah, let's talk about all yours. No. Oh
Jennifer (17:55): Kidding. My list is a little longer than S. No, no. Well this is kind of
Aaron (17:59): Just like I have them too. This
Jennifer (18:00): Is mixed of ours, but also general.
Aaron (18:03): And sometimes as were, when we were writing our notes are these things can be very subtle and actually hard to identify sometimes. But I am praying that God does reveal these things in me. So I have some too. For sure. I imagine that probably the most commonplace where we have stored up issues, baggage, stuff that we've drugged from the past or just
Jennifer (18:26): Held onto to
Aaron (18:26): Oh yeah. And held onto it is past hurts in relationships with our spouse, with our friends, parents probably parents is a big one. And so huge influence whether they were around or not. Both can have profound influence on our life and effect in the kind of people we are and how we react in situations. And these come in many different forms. Betrayal, which is a big, big one. When someone we love betrays us, betrays our trusts broken
Jennifer (19:00): Trust, that's
Aaron (19:01): A huge one. Fights that we've had either physical or emotional or verbal. These types of things that we've had between people that mean a lot to us issues with our mother, father of both that has an effect on us and how we move forward in life. And the kinds way we view our spouse and the way we view our children and the way we respond in certain C circumstances, like you said, use the word trigger. There's lots of things that trigger us and we might respond based off of those old hurts.
Jennifer (19:35): So that's a really good summary of just relationships. Like relationships affect us. For others it could be P T S D, maybe it's guilt or regret from choices previously made bad habits that kind of just stuck with you,
Aaron (19:52): Right? They just kept going
Jennifer (19:55): Debts. And also a huge one is addiction.
Aaron (20:00): These could be a lot of these things. I brought addiction into our marriage and I've talked about that a lot. Debt also things that actually shaped quite a bit of the first parts of our marriage, like years. So those all have things. So don't, some of these other things I may not personally deal with and you may not, but there are people that do. But all of these things, all of these different triggers, all of these different types of baggage that we could bring in. God redeems and he works through and he's patient with us and desires to grow us and change us. So another one is and I feel like you've struggled with this a lot just throughout the years and it's something that God's totally been working in you and slowly is bringing to the surface. But inner criticisms,
Jennifer (20:52): Judging myself and being my worst critic,
Aaron (20:59): Those things, that way of thinking, it comes from when you were younger and it gets amplified by certain things and built on. And if they're not dealt with, then that's going to always be viewing yourself from that lens.
Jennifer (21:16): For sure. I can see that. And when I let those types of thoughts consume me, I do get irritated. And if I'm bothered by one thing already, then there's an interaction with us. I just, I'm stuck there. That's what it feels like.
Aaron (21:33): Well and that stuck feeling that in inadequacy or that criticism of yourself sometimes manifests in a way of failure to continue on not wanting to give up, wanting to
Jennifer (21:47): Feeling paralyzed per that's a thing emotionally. Yeah. Paralyzed,
Aaron (21:51): Which affects us, like you said, and affects you and it affects your relationship with the Lord and your kids and even friends some other, another area that baggage manifests in fears.
Jennifer (22:07): Fears from actual circumstances that have happened to people that who have gotten hurt or kind of doing that whole worst case scenario type thing.
Aaron (22:19): Yeah. I've known people that they respond certain ways when they see si situations that mimic something that bad that happened to a friend or a family member. And so there's this fear that ends up being a controlling factor in their way of thinking and responding and being
Jennifer (22:41): Control. That's a big one. Yeah. Other ones are just doubts or insecurities from way back in childhood that become a trigger for anxiety. I know something that I've struggled with is things lies that I've believed about myself. And in the present, when I experience stress, those things get affirmed. Cuz I remember, oh see yeah, I'm bad at this or I can't think of anything in this particular moment, but I
Aaron (23:12): Know that, no, it's almost like self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, oh look, I mess up in this area again. I, oh, I couldn't get this bedroom clean or this or I, in the way I communicated to my friend, oh look what I did again. Yeah. Who I am rather than Which
Jennifer (23:28): You brought up that verse about being a new creation and that's what makes it hard to believe that when you're stuck believing the lies that Yeah,
Aaron (23:35): Because look what I did again. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well and that's a very common thing that we fall into is believing that because we maybe succumb to a pattern a way of being that we've had for a long time or that comes with this baggage that is who we are. But that very thing that we think is what keeps us from growing past that. Mm-hmm. From truly repenting of that way of truly being transformed in that area. Because what we're really saying is, I'm not new in that area. That is who I am. Therefore it's going to happen again rather than when it does happen again, I'm going to repent of that thing and know that that's not who I want to be. . Okay. Something that, this is baggage from my life and it's, I've been confronted with it a lot and it's a really hard thing to just constantly confronted with. But I think I've been making strides in the last most recent years, more than I have in my whole life. Because I've finally believed it was an issue where before I believed this lie that no, it's just who I am. Oh, it's because of the way I was raised.
Jennifer (24:55): You should just tell 'em what it is I was going to say. Or minimizing it. It's not minimizing, it's not how you're perceiving it. That's not what I'm doing.
Aaron (25:05): So my way of communicating , my way of talking, my way of sharing, my way of using my words and my tones and my facial expressions in a normal setting can be very passionate, very
Jennifer (25:25): I feel like is a positive spin on what you're
Aaron (25:28): Well in a general scenario, yeah, it, I think a positive thing. But it has gotten me sometimes into a lot of
Jennifer (25:35): Trouble. Sometimes it can sound argumentative or fights me.
Aaron (25:40): Sometimes it is argumentative, sometimes it is argue. I used to love the argument. We'll
Jennifer (25:47): Say this, you're a very strong communicator. You're a confident communicator. And sometimes it's
Aaron (25:52): Just, which should come off. Arrogant
Jennifer (25:53): Comes off the wrong way.
Aaron (25:55): It
Jennifer (25:55): Comes. And then because of all this in situations with me where you're actually stressed, frustrated there's a problem. It sounds, it comes out and it sounds harsh. And that's where I get sensitive. I'll say this, wait a minute.
Aaron (26:08): More than one person who were friends of mine told me that when they first met me, they thought I was a big jerk. So it's not like this is a isolated event. This is a thing that has followed me when I'm overwhelmed. So on the extreme negative side of this, when I'm overwhelmed or stressed or frustrated or embarrassed or feel guilty, then it comes out in harshness, in controlling words. And
Jennifer (26:39): Not so compassionate.
Aaron (26:40): And not compassionate is not on the list of words that describes what I do. And Jennifer, you, it's interesting how God
Jennifer (26:50): Pairs us up.
Aaron (26:51): Yeah. Pair pairs us up with the people that who is it? Timothy Keller that says this idea that your spouse is a perfect mirror reflecting your son back at you.
Jennifer (27:02): Gary. Gary Thomas.
Aaron (27:02): Oh, Gary Thomas. Thank you. I was thinking, I was like, it's one of those writers that have written sacred marriage. Yeah. Sacred marriage. And that's exactly what it is. You, you're sensitive to that. Sensitive to that way of communicating the harshness in a big way, I think rightly. And so when it happens, when I walk in that past way of being that baggage, when I allow that to be, when I react rather than respond, it's you shut down and it hurts you and it's really hard for you to open back up to me in that moment. That's something that we've, for 15 years now, it's been a, yeah,
Jennifer (27:41): I was going to make an a note cuz when we say past baggage, a lot of times it sounds like something or is associated with something that happens prior to marriage, which a lot of it does childhood and all of that. But I mean we've been married 15 years now, so our past baggage is we're creeping into early marriage and that's our
Aaron (28:00): Early marriage baggage is creeped into our present now, our present marriage.
Jennifer (28:05): Yeah. I just think that's interesting how even our recent past something can happen or an experience that kind of changes us in a way that if we're not being willing to examine, could follow us and continue a pattern of hurt in our life and in our spouse's
Aaron (28:24): Life. And it has in many different ways. But the awesome thing is when we are willing to see it, which is a form of humility. Oh wait, I'm not perfect. Oh wait, I have these issues that need, that God wants to change in me, then it can actually be dealt with. And so I would say, Jennifer, am I perfect at this?
Jennifer (28:50): No, but you have grown a lot
Aaron (28:52): And I also have gotten better. I think this is the biggest thing I've changed and I've gotten better at receiving when you tell me I'm being harsh. Totally. Where I used to fight and defend and justify. And
Jennifer (29:04): I would also say that your level of harsh being harsh has not changed. Where in the beginning it was a lot more. Right.
Aaron (29:12): But again, that intense, that baggage from the past goes into how you respond because you remember how it was and you felt it. And all those things still exist in you. And so that's been something that you've had to learn how to grow in is how to receive me as a change.
Jennifer (29:29): See, we're complex. Marriage is complex. This is all complex, super
Aaron (29:33): Complex. Listen,
Jennifer (29:34): We're figuring it out complex. Okay, so are we choosing to hold on to ways of being because of what's happened in the past?
Aaron (29:46): I got a question for you.
Jennifer (29:47): Well wait,
Aaron (29:48): I just asked a question. I know you're sounded rhetorical. No it's not though because we could be choosing it. But I got a question, why would someone choose, can I ask you why have you chosen to hold onto something? Something that came to my mind and maybe you're, hopefully you're okay with me sharing it when I sin against you or when I do something wrong or hurt you. You have a hard time moving past it letting go because you're fearful that I won't get it
Jennifer (30:24): Like you. Yeah.
Aaron (30:28): Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm trying to describe it carefully.
Jennifer (30:32): No I don't. Don't know exactly. But I think what you're saying is I get afraid that maybe you haven't learned your lesson or understood how you hurt me. And so now I have to teach you how you hurt me. And
Aaron (30:44): So I'm not necessarily saying holding you, holding onto that thing, but you holding onto that way of showing your hurt.
Jennifer (30:53): Yeah, the closed offness, the shutting off the leave me alone.
Aaron (30:56): Yeah. Is it something that you think you choose to hold onto? I literally thought about it when you asked the question just now. I was thinking, oh, why would someone choose that? Choose to hold onto something.
Jennifer (31:08): Yeah. I think I feel like almost in a way it validates why I feel the way that I feel because the moment that I let it go, it's like we're back to square one. I don't know.
Aaron (31:20): Well so here's something I just thought about. There was parts of me. So I have my ears pierced. I mean I don't even have jewelry in 'em anymore. I used to have these plugs and it's just a big hole. Now, I don't know if you've seen pictures of me but that Steph my beard thi things about my persona I held onto because I believed a certain thing about myself that if I had these earrings, if I had this beard, if I dressed this way or whatever it was, I would fit in or stand out or these things that I held onto from when I was younger for various reasons. Cuz I wanted to be a part of something. It was very hard for me to let those parts of me go or allow them to be changed. So I chose to hold onto those things purely because of the security I felt and how it shaped my identity.
(32:20): So that was something for me. And it was, do you remember that? It was a very hard season for, which is so funny cuz all I was doing was taking out these two wood plucks outta my ears. But it was a big deal because I was recognizing how much I was holding onto this picture of who I thought I was. No one else cared in the whole world, but I had this idea. So I think sometimes people can choose to hold on to this baggage because it actually is a part of our identity. Like well that if I let go of that, then I'm, that I cease to be who I am. Which also is not true cuz we're so much more than just the way I communicate my harsh words or if I yell when I'm angry. Those kinds of things that that's just for me. Those are things that can be changing. God wants to change, he wants me to be a better man in those areas. Just
Jennifer (33:22): For the record, you don't really yell.
Aaron (33:23): No, I'm trying to give examples of I do get loud just what I'm excited or anything. Our whole family's really loud.
Jennifer (33:32): Actually no, I That's a lot different than saying yell. You just explained to them that you're harsh and now you just said that. I know. They're
Aaron (33:37): Like, Aaron yells. No, no, you're right. I don't really do that but I'm just trying to say is I think that's one reason someone can hold onto it. Do I don't know if there's any other you could think of, but it's a good question to ask. Are we choosing to hold onto this baggage?
Jennifer (33:55): Yeah, I think that we end up choosing it when we make that decision of whether or not we're going to handle what's in that backpack, what's in that bag, what's holding us back, what we're holding onto.
Aaron (34:08): So it's it, it's not necessarily, it may not be an active, I choose this, but more of a, I refuse to look at it. I don't wanna see this. It's an apathy towards the,
Jennifer (34:20): I'm not going to deal with
Aaron (34:21): It that thing inside of me. No, you have your stuff and don't
Jennifer (34:25): Like, you're not cheerfully walking around the house with a backpack on, but it is sitting right in front of your front entryway.
Aaron (34:34): So this next note it kind of leads into that is, or what we're saying kind of leads into this next note I should say sometimes these things can be subconscious that they could be just parts of us. We again we're react reactions but for the believer, eventually God will work these things out to the surface. Yeah,
Jennifer (34:55): That's
Aaron (34:56): True. When we're in his word, when we're in prayer, when we, we love God and we follow him eventually God, if it's something that is opposed to his will, if it's something that doesn't align with the bride of Christ, it's going to work to the surface
Jennifer (35:13): Decades later. Have you ever been like, why am I dealing with this right now
Aaron (35:17): Or again, because why am I dealing with this again? Because
Jennifer (35:20): God loves us and he cares about
Aaron (35:22): Us. That scripture, we know that we're sons because he disciplines us, because he disciplines those he loves. So that part of that discipline is bringing to the surface these things that he desires to remove from us change in us.
Jennifer (35:40): Something that is important for us to ask ourselves is do we desire our spouse to grow and change from their past and how it affects them. I know this whole episode we've kind of talked about from our perspective and our point of view, what's in our baggage. But I think another part of the question here is do we care about what's happening to our spouse and do we have eyes to see them and what they're going through? Are we able to sift through their responses and reactions to say, Hey, there's this thing over here that's bothAarong you. Address that.
Aaron (36:16): Well I think in a wrong way, this is the easiest thing for us to do.
Jennifer (36:26): point the finger.
Aaron (36:27): Yeah, . Look at this thing John. That's
Jennifer (36:29): Not how I meant that
Aaron (36:30): Question. We're good. I know, but when you were reading it I was like, was like, yes
Jennifer (36:35): We do do that,
Aaron (36:36): But we tend to have an easier time identifying the issues in our spouse or in anyone else. That's true. But what you are saying
Jennifer (36:48): It's Als Oh sorry, go ahead.
Aaron (36:50): I was just going to say what you are saying is the more I is the what God does desire from us is that we see these things in our spouse for their good, not because we want to be. Right. Right. So I actually care about you,
Jennifer (37:09): I wanna work this out with you.
Aaron (37:11): But I think that can only happen when we can see ourselves clearly
Jennifer (37:16): Right. In a right way. Yeah, that's true.
Aaron (37:18): Because if we're refusing to look at ourselves then I think we'll always see wrongly I was, or at least with a wrong heart.
Jennifer (37:26): Yeah, I was going to add to what you were just saying and just explain how, and I don't think that I'm alone in this maybe , but it's not only is it easier to see what your spouse is dealing with and how it affects them, but it's easier for me to get passionate or fired up about, you know, need to change that thing cuz it's affecting us and it's affecting our marriage way easier and way more intense than seeing myself clearly and saying, Ooh, that's bad. I need to change that. And being away intense about it. I'm more light with myself as far, I'm a hard critic, but I'm light on the side of I need to change this
Aaron (38:09): Again. I think that's also a really common thing. We tend to be very lenient with our own sin but strict
Jennifer (38:19): With others. That's what I was trying to say. You simplify things good for
Aaron (38:21): Me. Well, but what you said was correct. Yeah. We just had a conversation about something that we were like, yeah that needs to change right now. And then it's like, oh but I have stuff. Can I have that same passion for my own transformation?
Jennifer (38:39): We real quick, just earlier we were talking about whether or not we're choosing to keep the baggage and to hold onto it. So obviously the Holy Spirit talks to us Christians and walks us through God's word and holds up that mirror. And so we're constantly confronted with sin whether we'd like to admit it or not. Will you just explain the consequence of resisting the Holy Spirit quenching the Holy Spirit? Yeah. What happens?
Aaron (39:11): Do you remember when I would explain to you how heavy I felt when I maybe messed up a little bit in this area and I knew I needed to confess to you, but I didn't want to and I just felt like the spirit of God wouldn't let me move past that. And I believe that's something that we can grow in sensitivity to with Christ is that of our sin gets more and more heavy regardless of how small we think it is. And there's this verse in Psalm 32, I just read to you just the other day that I feel like described exactly what it feels like when we push away the Holy Spirit when he comes to us and says, Hey, I want to change you in this or I want you to confess this or I want you to move in this way. In Psalm 32 it says, for when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long for day and night.
(40:13): Your hand was heavy upon me. My strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. And I feel like that describes what it, and this is David writing this that describes what it feels like and what's actually happening when we push the spirit of God away when he comes to us and he convicts us and we say nah and wants something else, I don't want that conviction. So you asked me to describe it. I think that scripture does, but I think that's something that God wants us to learn is how to become sensitive to listening to his spirit and his conviction and his moving in our lives rather than more dull. And that's actually the warning that the New Testament gives is to not quench the Holy Spirit, is to not blast from the Holy Spirit is to not push him away for in doing so we will harden our hearts and we don't wanna do that. We wanna be sensitive and pliable and moldable and open to God and when he has for us.
Jennifer (41:23): That's really good. Sorry to jump back and forth here. So then we were just talking about how it's easier to see what's going on in our spouse's life and easier to become more intense about you need to change this area. And I was just thinking about Matthew seven, one through five about taking the plank out of your own eye. Read it.
Aaron (41:42): Yeah, why don't we just read real quick. So starting in verse one Matthew seven, judge, not that you be not judged for we for with what judgment you judge, you'll be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye but do not consider the plank in your own eye Or how can you say to your brother, let me remove the speck from your eye. And look, plank is in your own eye. Hypocrite first, remove the plank from your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Jennifer (42:16): That's kinda like the whole point of this episode today.
Aaron (42:19): It kinda is.
Jennifer (42:20): Yeah, we want you to see clearly.
Aaron (42:23): And the purpose of seeing clearly is for the mutual upbuilding and encouragement of your brother or your wife or your friend in the church. And so we, in removing our plank and allowing the spirit of God to say, Hey there's look at this plank in your eye, then we can see clearly in each in someone else's eyes and we can see, hey, I'm coming to you out of love and compassion. Here's something I see in you and let's work on that. Let's grow. And then I think the Lord wants you to change in that or get rid of it altogether.
Jennifer (42:57): Yeah, that's good. So we mentioned last episode that you were headed off to a men's retreat and you had a really great time. Your friend let out a little message time and ask some really good questions. And so I was going to ask if you wanted to share those cuz those are really good questions to kind of prompt those listening can go back with their spouse and ask each other.
Aaron (43:25): It was breaking up your life into just different categories, marriage, parenting, friends, church, and then asking a few questions in each of those areas for the sake of growth. One is the first question is what's something that's tripping you up or keeping you from what you want desire in that area? So again, what baggage is holding you back? What's that thing? And then the next question is, what's a goal you do have? So say for your marriage.
Jennifer (44:00): So it's a hard and a positive.
Aaron (44:02): And then the last one is like, what's one step you could take today to work toward that goal? But those can work in the same with what we're talking about too is evaluating okay, what area of my life do I feel like I've just been holding onto something that's affected me? And then what's your goal with that? And then what's one step you can take toward rid that from your life, cleaning it out, cleaning out those lunch bags so they're ready to be
Jennifer (44:32): Used. That's good. So we kind of came up with a couple of actionable steps just to wrap up this episode because we didn't wanna leave you empty handed but tools. Tools. So once you recognize something in you that does need to be cleaned out and transformed, what are those steps?
Aaron (44:50): Again, we talked about idea of plank eye or being able to see or acknowledge that you have something starts with humbleness. Yeah,
Jennifer (45:00): It's a posture of your heart.
Aaron (45:02): It's saying, I know I'm going to need discipline and transformation and there's areas of my life God that I want you to change or that I don't even know need to be changed, but they're there. So just having a humility, homeless to receive to not only hear from your spouse but a friend, but most importantly from the Holy Spirit and his
Jennifer (45:22): Word and his word, God's word. Number two would be confess it and acknowledge how it could be tripping you up because this is a really important step because you might think about it, but it could be so brief that you brush it off and you don't wanna confront it, you don't wanna call it what it is. But once you say it out loud it there's almost like this releasing of
Aaron (45:45): Good to just, well there's a freedom that comes from it. But it also, once you speak it out loud, it becomes a thing that exa, it's heard and now it exists and it's known. So that confession. But a true confession we talked about in the beginning, something that kept me from changing was minimizing. This is a tool we use, it's defense mechanism. If I can minimize the thing, the sin, the way of being, oh it's not that bad. Oh it's just my personality. Oh it's just my upbringing. Oh it's just my nationality. Oh it's just my whatever you want to call it. And you minimize the bad attitude. You minimize the harsh way of talking, you minimize the sin behavior, then you're not actually confessing. What you're doing is you're shrinking and making it seem small and saying, yeah, it's not that bad. But confession is like, you know what God doesn't want that. I wanna, I don't want it because God doesn't want it.
Jennifer (46:41): On a side note, a part of this confessing and acknowledging is also acknowledging the effect it has on your present and on your spouse. Because that part's important too, that we can actually see it for what it is and go, okay,
Aaron (46:54): This hurts people,
Jennifer (46:55): This hurts people. That's important to be able to acknowledge that. Number three would be pray and ask God to keep sculpting you and transforming you and change you in that area.
Aaron (47:06): Yeah, go ahead. Before the father of lights to make us more light, to make us like us on Jesus and that he's the one that does the work in us. He says he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins. And he also is faithful to complete what he began in us. That good work He began in us, he completes it. The fourth one, request accountability. This will most likely, cuz we're talking about marriage with these things, our spouse is going to be our best accountability partner. What
Jennifer (47:37): Does that look like in
Aaron (47:38): Our marriage? If we let them
Jennifer (47:39): , what does that look like in our marriage? So
Aaron (47:41): It means that,
Jennifer (47:42): Hey, I recognize this thing in me when you see it, will you help me by
Aaron (47:48): Saying something?
Jennifer (47:49): Saying something, walking me through it.
Aaron (47:51): Yeah. The hard part with this is when it's said to us or in our flesh, I do this and you've done this too, Jennifer, is we don't like how it's said. We don't like that they, they're saying something in that way in that time and their tone was off. But the fact that they're saying something's important and so if we can practice receiving, receiving, receiving. So going back to number one, yeah, humbling ourselves.
Jennifer (48:16): This is the song
Aaron (48:17): Na. And then go back to number two. We can confess it. So we can always go back to our spouse later on and be like, Hey, I really appreciate you reminding me next time will you be do a gentler. Yeah. So I think just receiving that accountability from our spouse but also adding on the more we can have it. So bringing it up to our friends, Hey, I've been this way with my family or with my children or with my wife, or in general if you recognize it, will you just gimme a little nudge and say, Hey man, chill out. Remind me of that thing that I'm trying to grow out of.
Jennifer (48:51): And all this is practice walking in practice. And as you do it, yeah, it gets easier and better. Even with the accountability. We're better at how we keep each other accountable now than what we did 15 years ago.
Aaron (49:05): And hopefully in 15 years we'll be even better than we are today.
Jennifer (49:08): Hopefully we won't have to keep each other accountable at all. Cuz see,
Aaron (49:11): We'll we'll be perfect. I think that's the fallacy though, is that we think one day we're going to be past all this stuff. Okay, all right. The reality is we go back to number one, humble ourselves. We need Jesus every day. I like that all day. I like that meme that says, man, I need Jesus to go into Walmart. That's true. We need Jesus literally every day and we need the gospel of Jesus to remind us every day that we need God and that he's transforming us. So I wanted to end with this verse cuz I feel like this kind of culminates this whole idea because at the end of the day it's not just like, Hey, let's just be better people. There's something beautiful that God's doing and it's in second Corinthians three 17 and 18. Now the Lord is the spirit and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
(50:06): And we all with unveiled faces beholding the glory of the Lord are being transformed in the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the spirit. This is what Christ wants for us is true eternal freedom. And we get to experience it now in various ways and in little ways and in big ways as God is transforming us into the same image of Christ. And I love that it says, and it for a long time I didn't understand what this means from one degree of glory to another. And there's another scripture that reiterates this from glory to glory. So from one degree of glory to another, the fact is you are currently a new creation and daily being made a new creation.
(50:58): Amen. That's the reality. Yeah, we are new. And then on a even larger scale, even before Christ, before you believed in Christ, you were made in his image. In his image He made a male and female were made in God's image and then in Christ we're being made into that same image. So from one degree of glory to another. And so it's a constant just moving on up, changing us every day. So I just wanna encourage you guys listening that it's for freedom, that God's doing this with us and he's transforming us cuz he loves us. So I hope that encourages you.
Jennifer (51:42): It does me. All right. Weekly challenge. For those of you who are taken up, our challenges and doing awesome things this week is take each other by surprise. It could be sweet or it could be sneaky. You could do a prank, you can scare each other or be silly
Aaron (51:59): . Jennifer likes the sneaky kind
Jennifer (52:01): And the silly. I like
Aaron (52:03): Anything next. Sneaky and the silly. I like
Jennifer (52:04): Anything that's surprising and funny. I just wanna share real quick, A friend of mine surprised your husband over the weekend when he was gone and cleaned out his entire garage and got him a toolbox to organize all of his stuff.
Aaron (52:16): I saw
Jennifer (52:17): That. I know. It was awesome.
Aaron (52:18): That is, that's sweet. Sneaky and sneaky. And depending on the kind of person could be scary. You put my, where
Jennifer (52:25): Is everything?
Aaron (52:26): Yeah, that's pretty awesome.
Jennifer (52:27): That's kind of a big one. But
Aaron (52:30): Also that friend surprise whose garage is cleaned out. You love to scare whenever possible. Yes, we do. So
Jennifer (52:37): We collectively,
Aaron (52:38): We do it. Actually a lot of people at our church love to scare.
Jennifer (52:43): Oh, Cody, that's funny. Okay, so do something for your spouse that they haven't had time for. That's just like an easy example. You could clean out the car for them. You could organize a closet or paint a dresser shred those papers that they stack on top of the shredder. Hey, hey,
Aaron (53:01): I do do that.
Jennifer (53:03): Anyways, these are just silly ideas, but good job. Do you have anything to add, ? Nope. Okay. ,
Aaron (53:10): Shall we pray?
Jennifer (53:11): Yeah.
Aaron (53:12): Dear Lord, thank you for the way your truth transforms our lives. Thank you for not giving up on us. Our heart aches over the sin in our lives that cost you everything. We pray we would honor you by acknowledging and confessing our sin. We pray we would not hold onto anything that we shouldn't. If we are hoarding anything from our past that is having a negative effect on us, we pray we would be diligent and courageous to take that step to reconcile with you and restore any parts of our marriage. We broke down because of things we hold onto or ways we believed about ourselves or each other. We pray we would be willing to surrender to you every day. In Jesus name, amen.
Jennifer (53:51): Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (53:54): If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends.
Jennifer (54:00): Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast.
Aaron (54:05): Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and you can always check out more of our resources@marriageaftergod.com.
Jennifer (54:10): You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at Marriage after God at Husband Revolution and at Unveiled Wife.
Aaron (54:19): We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on The Marriage After God podcast.
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| 03 Jul 2019 | Does God Have A Calling For My Marriage? + FREE 52 Date Night Conversations Starters Download | 00:39:16 | |
What is God's Calling for your marriage? Listen to today's episode and find out :)Download our FREE 52 Date Night Conversations Starters.DOWNLOAD HERE - > http://datenightconversations.com TRANSCRIPTAaron Smith: We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God ... Jennifer Smith: ... helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Aaron Smith: Today we're going to be talking about God's calling for your marriage. Lots of people think they have a calling, or don't know what their calling might be, but we believe that there are six callings that every Christian marriage has, and we're here to share them with you. Jennifer Smith: So, Aaron, before we get started, can you just explain a little bit about what does it mean to have a calling? What does it mean when you hear the word I have a calling on my marriage? Like, so people understand what we're saying. Aaron Smith: Just growing up in the church, we've all heard this idea of our calling, and a lot of times it's our individual calling, like what's God called ... ? Am I a missionary? Am I going to be starting a church? Am I going to be a pastor? Am I going to be a worship leader? There's all these finite things that people might feel called to. But when it comes to our marriage, do we believe our marriage has a calling? And we believe every marriage has a specific calling- Jennifer Smith: A specific purpose- Aaron Smith: ... a specific purpose- Jennifer Smith: ... that God's going to use them for. Aaron Smith: Yeah, based in their unique giftings, talents, position in life, that God wants to use in those marriages, for his purposes. But that might be vague for some people, and some marriages might be thinking, "Well, what's my purpose?" So what we thought we'd do is sit down and share with you six callings that we believe every Christian marriage is called to. These are callings that God has for your marriage today, whether you know what the specific calling is from God, and in the ministry that God has for your marriage as a couple, these callings are for every Christian marriage. Aaron Smith: There's more than this, but we picked out the six that we love the most and that we've kind of walked through in our life. So this gives you a place to start in marriage and say, "Okay, God already has a calling for us. We don't have to guess or we don't have to pretend we don't know or not know how to figure out where to get that calling." You can actually start today and say, "Oh, this is ... at least we know these callings, that God has for us." Jennifer Smith: That's really cool. I'm so excited to jump in. I just want to encourage you listening, if you, as we go through each six, if you could just take evaluation of your marriage and see if you guys are already fulfilling these callings in your life, or if you're not, if these are areas that you're wrestling with or struggling with, then hopefully our encouragement today will help you step up in those areas. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and you can let us know in the comments what areas that you think you've already been walking in, you're like, "Oh," and you never saw them as callings. Or you can let us know areas that you didn't recognize, that you needed to be walking in. Let us know in the comments. We like to read through those. Aaron Smith: So let's get started. We're going to start. We have six of them. The first calling that every Christian marriage has is to prayer, and this could be together or separate. It should eventually be together, but some of you might not be able to do that. Aaron Smith: But let me read the verse that goes with this. Philippians 4:6-7, and it says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to god. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Aaron Smith: Every marriage, every Christian marriage, has a calling to pray, and that seems easy. It seems like the easy Bible answer, but I want to talk a little bit about this, real quick, from our own life, and I have a question for you. How would say prayer has played a role in our marriage? Jennifer Smith: Well, I would say it was significant in saving our marriage, for sure. We started out in our relationship with praying for each other and praying for the purpose that God had for our marriage. Aaron Smith: We prayed every night during our dating years. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and throughout our engagement. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: And then even through our marriage, and when we hit that hard spot in our marriage, when we were contemplating divorce and just were both really isolated from each other- Aaron Smith: And broken and frustrated, yeah. Jennifer Smith: ... and broken, you were really adamant about prayer. So every night, you were still praying for us. My heart was a little bit harder towards God and I was really frustrated and wrestling with the issues that we were facing, but you were faithful to prayer and- Aaron Smith: Which was hard. For all the husbands watching, my prayers started off very hopeful in the first few years of my marriage, and eventually got very angry and bitter, but I still prayed because I had that foundation in my heart, and I was like, "No, this is the only way I see us getting healing," and so I kept praying. You actually got to a point where you stopped praying. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, we used to pray together every night, and then slowly I just kind of faded out and listened to your payers, still participated but didn't pray as much. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: But I will say that your faithfulness in praying every night really helped me to embrace God and come back to him, to turn my heart back to him, and to trust him because I knew that you trusted Him. So that did play a big role in saving our marriage. Aaron Smith: Yeah, so prayer's a little ominous for a lot of Christians, which it shouldn't be, but there's no classes on prayer. I know some churches probably have that, but it's not like a ... We just assume, like, "Oh, prayer's supposed to be easy to us." You know, what would you say are some ... ? Is prayer just talking to God? Is it like you have the right words and you have ... you bring in scripture at the right time in the prayer? Is there any ... ? Like, how does it look in our marriage? What does prayer look like for us? Jennifer Smith: Well, how I've always viewed it is it's just our way of communicating with God, so it's basically opening up our hearts and just sharing what's on our hearts and what's on our minds, and sharing it with God. What's really cool about what I've experienced through praying with you, is that not only are we submitting everything to God and asking for his guidance in our relationship, but every once in a while there's a compliment in there about me when you're praying, and thanking God for me, and- Aaron Smith: Well, when you hear me pray for you, you actually hear my heart for you. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, exactly. I get to hear your heart for me, and that affirms me, and it affirms my relationship with you, so that's been a huge encouragement. But I think that people can get really overwhelmed when they think about prayer and going to God and overthinking it. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: You know, feeling like it has to be done perfectly, and it doesn't. Aaron Smith: So you're saying that the couples that are watching now could start today? Jennifer Smith: They can start today. Aaron Smith: They can just say, "Okay, Lord, I don't know what I'm saying to you, but I want help," or, "Thank you," and it could be as simple as that. Jennifer Smith: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Aaron Smith: Yeah, so we encourage you. So the first calling that every Christian marriage has is to prayer, and this means together. Some of you might be married and your spouse, your husband or your wife is not a believer, or is where my wife was, in a place where she's kind of angry or bitter, or they're angry or bitter. You can still pray without them, for them, and with them, and over them. Aaron Smith: So don't let a disunity keep you from prayer because you have a unity with Christ. And Christ, as our mediator, gives us direct access to the throne of God, that we can actually open up our hearts and we can pray directly to God. We don't need a high priest anymore because we have Christ, who is our perfect high priest. Aaron Smith: So we just want to encourage you today. You can actually start praying today, whether together or individually. Start praying today. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and if you're doing it individually, which is great, every once in a while, invite your spouse to pray with you, or say, "Hey, I'd love to pray for you. Can you give me a list? Can you give me like five things that I can really focus on." I know that that's super helpful. Aaron Smith: And I know it'll totally bless them, too. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: I just want to bring this quote up, that our pastor always says to us, "Prayer isn't preparation for the battle, prayer is the battle." So we don't look at prayer as, like, well, that's a supplementary thing that we do for our faith, or it's something that we do only when it's really bad. Prayer is the battle, and we're in a spiritual warfare every day, against our own flesh, against the enemies in the world and in the spirit. Aaron Smith: And so prayer, we need to go to battle on our knees in prayer, in praying for the things that we care about, and praying for the things that we are concerned about, and going to our Father and saying, "Lord, we need your mind on this, we need your heart on this, we need your help on this." Aaron Smith: So prayer is the first calling that every Christian marriage has. Okay, so what's the next calling that every Christian marriage has? Jennifer Smith: Okay, so the next one is love, and I want to share a scripture but it's probably not the one you're thinking. Most people go straight to 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, which defines what love is, which is great, but today I'm going to share Matthew 22:37-40, which says, "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" Jennifer Smith: So contrary to how culture will tell us that love is a feeling and love is something that we ... Aaron Smith: Fall into. Jennifer Smith: ... fall into, God is saying that love is a command. He commands us to love him, and he commands us to love our neighbor, or in this case, in regards to marriage, our spouse. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and so for all the marriages out there, your calling, our calling is to love. Not just love each other, because it says love your neighbor as yourself, that's the second and greatest commandment. Because my wife is my closest neighbor, I am her closest neighbor, we practice loving our neighbors by loving each other well. Aaron Smith: And then the second part of this is that, as a couple, we love the Lord with all of our hearts, minds, soul and strength. So if you're sitting out there, wondering what your calling in life is, this is a amazing calling, is to love each other well and to love God. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and I just want to share that, because of the way our culture is very self focused, especially in marriage, we can get caught up in thinking that, "I can't love you right now because you're not loving me," and that can just cause a crazy cycle to happen. I know we've experienced it before. Aaron Smith: Yeah. In the beginning of our marriage, because I wasn't living up to the high expectations you had for me, you would just withhold all of your love. You would- Jennifer Smith: Yeah, so I would get really frustrated because I- Aaron Smith: You would tell me. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. I had all these expectations of romantic love and these grand gestures of you showing me love- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and I relied on you to initiate all of that. And when you didn't do it, I didn't want to do it. Aaron Smith: And you wouldn't initiate it, because you were expecting, like, that's what my husband does. He's going to pursue me and he's going to do all the loving. And I'm sitting over there thinking, like, my wife's not even pursuing me, why would I give her love? Aaron Smith: Now, we were both wrong because we both were commanded to love each other. I was commanded more specifically from Ephesians 5:23, I am supposed to love you, but we're supposed to walk in love the way the Bible tells us to. Jennifer Smith: Right. Aaron Smith: So we were totally dropping the ball on that calling in our life, and it's only been the last three, four years that we've been learning to actually walk in that calling for us. Jennifer Smith: In that command. Aaron Smith: And what happens when you start walking in that calling, just with each other, as most areas of marriage, in a Christian marriage, we start loving each other more biblically and more authentically and we start pursuing each other more. So what happens is we have extra in us to ... Jennifer Smith: ... love others. Aaron Smith: So then we can actually, instead of you just always constantly thinking, "I'm not getting what I need," you have more than enough and you actually have the energy, I have the energy and the love available, to be able to sit and love our other neighbors. Jennifer Smith: Right. Aaron Smith: Our friends, our family. So that's where that calling gets even wider- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... is showing that love to the world, so ... Jennifer Smith: There was a turning point in our marriage, where I felt like we really began to understand God's command on love, but also the way that he set the example for unconditional love- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and I wanted you to share a little bit about your vision of being with Jesus in the garden, just a really brief version. Aaron Smith: So, just really briefly, when we were at our breaking point in our marriage, I felt the Lord bring me a vision of Jesus being in the Garden of Gethsemane before he goes to the cross. I remember God showing me Jesus weeping and, as it were, great tears of blood because he was so anguished over what he was about to go through. Aaron Smith: We've all heard the story, we know exactly what it's about and we understand it, but I felt like God showed me a new perspective on it, and he was saying like ... because in the garden, Jesus three times said, "Lord, let this cup pass for me," the cup of wrath, essentially, is what he's saying. Jennifer Smith: He knew what he was about to do, and he knew who he was doing it for. Aaron Smith: Yeah, who was he doing it for? His bride. So, essentially, what he was saying is, "Lord, I don't want to die for my bride, because this is too painful." Jennifer Smith: Especially knowing that part of his bride would reject him, or not- Aaron Smith: Or spit on him. Jennifer Smith: ... want him, yeah. Aaron Smith: Or turn away from him. Instead of what he wanted, in his flesh ... because his flesh was saying, "I don't want to do this," ... his spirit submitted to the Lord in his will for her. He said not my will be done, but your will be done. Jennifer Smith: And he did it. Aaron Smith: And so he went to the cross anyway, for a broken and filthy bride, an adulteress bride, knowing that that was what God's will for him was, and that's how he was going to love us. Jennifer Smith: So here you are, already married to me, three years in ... Aaron Smith: Yeah, and I feel like I had a choice, but the choice was this, was, in my flesh I was saying, "Lord, I can't do this," and God was saying, "Sure, you can, because Jesus did it." Jennifer Smith: Not your will, but mine. Aaron Smith: Not your will, but my will be done. So God's will is that I would love my wife anyway. If my wife never gave me what I feel like I deserve or what she's supposed to give me, I should be able to love her, still, through the Holy Spirit. Jennifer Smith: We were in church, it had just gotten out so people were scurrying all over the place, and we were just standing in the middle of the sanctuary and you were crying, telling me all of this and- Aaron Smith: I had something in my eye. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, sure. Aaron Smith: I wasn't crying. Jennifer Smith: But right there, we committed to walking, as Jesus walked, in unconditional love for each other, regardless- Aaron Smith: If nothing ever changed- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... in our physical issues that we were having. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: And you know what changed? Jennifer Smith: Our hearts. Aaron Smith: Everything. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, everything changed. Aaron Smith: Our hearts changed and our hearts melted. The Bible calls our hearts stone and he takes our hearts of stone and he turns them to hearts of flesh. I feel like that's what he did, in that moment, was turn my heart from a heart of stone, and your heart from a heart of stone, to a heart of flesh. That's the power of the calling of love in our life. Jennifer Smith: Exactly, and our obedience to this command is not reliant upon what other people are doing, especially your spouse. So our encouragement to you guys today is to love anyways, and to love unconditionally, and to let- Aaron Smith: It's your calling. Jennifer Smith: Yeah, it's your calling. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So let's move onto the third calling. We have three more after this. So the third calling that every Christian marriage has is to forgive. This is a hard one. I'm going to read the scripture, it's Colossians 3:13. There's lots of scriptures on forgiveness. I'm not going to even read the harder ones. I'm just going to read this one. Aaron Smith: So Colossians 3:13 says this, "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." So just like that last command to love, forgiveness is a command. Forgiveness is not an option for the believer, especially in marriage. We don't get to choose not to forgive. We don't get to say, "Well, my wife wronged me so badly that I don't have to forgive her." Aaron Smith: Well, it's actually a command to forgive, and I always tell myself ... because when we were going through what we were going through, I felt like I didn't have to forgive you, and there was a lot of things that I did, that you just held onto, and you're like, "I can't forgive you for that." Jennifer Smith: I didn't want to forgive you, no. Aaron Smith: You didn't want to forgive me. And you know what the Lord showed me? Showed us? Who are we to hold forgiveness against anyone? For what God forgave me of, and the patience that God had with me, how dare I withhold forgiveness from anyone? Especially my bride, who is one with me. So technically, if I withhold forgiveness from my bride, I'm withholding forgiveness from myself because she is me and I am her. But we did this. It was so destructive. It was not a oneness, it was complete disorder. Aaron Smith: And just think about this, the calling in your life to forgive your spouse, you have nothing else in you to withhold against your spouse that you did not do to Christ, himself. Now, when Christ died on the cross, he forgave all sin, just like that. The thing that he was praying that he could have the cup passed for him, he did anyway. He drank that cup, every last drop of it, the cup of the wrath that we deserved. Aaron Smith: That doesn't mean we don't repent. It doesn't mean that things that happen to us don't actually hurt us, and that it doesn't take time to learn to trust again, and that it doesn't take time to figure out how to walk with each other and get back into oneness and unity, but that does not mean we get to not forgive. So if you're wondering what your calling is in your marriage, as a marriage, it's forgiveness, towards each other and towards others. Aaron Smith: So I have a question, has it been easy for you to forgive me? Jennifer Smith: Not in the beginning. There's definitely been times where forgiveness was too painful to accept in my heart. Aaron Smith: I just thought of something. What was it that you were afraid it would mean, if you forgave me? Remember, there was something you used to say? Jennifer Smith: Do we want to say what, specifically, we're talking about, in regards to- Aaron Smith: No. Jennifer Smith: Okay. Aaron Smith: There was a reason you withheld forgiveness, and you were afraid of me not changing. You were afraid of, like, if you forgave me ... Jennifer Smith: Then you would just have the freedom to do it again, or ... Aaron Smith: Right, and so you would withhold that forgiveness because you used it as a tool to control the situation. Jennifer Smith: Well, I wanted you hurt like I was hurting. Aaron Smith: Exactly. Jennifer Smith: I thought if I withheld forgiveness, then you would feel the pain of not being reconciled. Aaron Smith: Right. So you were breaking this command in your heart because you thought that you had the right to, because of what I did, but in reality we don't, right? Jennifer Smith: Yeah, we don't. Aaron Smith: We don't have the right to withhold forgiveness from anyone. There's another verse that's terrifying, and we'll put it in the comments, in the description below, but it essentially says if you don't forgive ... Jennifer Smith: Your Father won't forgive you. Aaron Smith: And that is terrifying. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: So this third calling for every Christian marriage is to walk in forgiveness. Jennifer Smith: And to encourage you, what I've experienced with us is the more you practice forgiveness, and your heart is motivated toward reconciliation, the easier it becomes, because you have this bigger picture of what it means to forgive and why it's so valuable for oneness in marriage. Aaron Smith: Right. So why don't we move onto the fourth calling that every Christian marriage has? Jennifer Smith: So the fourth one is trust, and I feel like it goes hand in hand with forgiveness, because in order to trust again, you have to be able to forgive- Aaron Smith: It's true. Jennifer Smith: ... and reconcile, and experience oneness and intimacy again. But I know that for a lot of marriages, trust is a big issue, and it's really hard once you've been sinned against or hurt, to extend that trust and rebuild it again. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and so I would encourage one thing, is this is not a calling to just blindly trust. When I would wrong you, in things that I was walking in, right, and I broke your trust, your calling wasn't to just be like, "Well, I'm just going to trust you again." Your calling was to forgive me, and your calling was to reconcile with me, and to walk with me as we grow towards oneness again and heal, right. Jennifer Smith: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Aaron Smith: But what were you supposed to trust in, in that season? Jennifer Smith: No matter what, I was supposed to trust God. Aaron Smith: With what? Jennifer Smith: With my heart, and with you. That he was working in your life- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... and that he was there to help us. Aaron Smith: And that was actually hard for you, because the first four and a half years of our marriage, you didn't trust God. Jennifer Smith: No, it was definitely a learning curve. Aaron Smith: So it was impossible for you to trust me. I mean, I didn't give her a reason to trust me, but you didn't trust God, you didn't trust me, you didn't even trust your own emotions. Jennifer Smith: I think that's why I felt so lonely and I felt so ... Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I just felt so alone in what we were facing as a couple, because I felt like I wasn't connected with you, and then I felt disconnected from God, so there was a lot of mistrust, and not having that really hindered my ability to experience intimacy with both of you. Aaron Smith: And trusting God, with your spouse, puts you on the right path of the spirit of God, helping you trust again. Because as you see God work in your spouse as you pray, and as you forgive, you start seeing the transformations and you say, "Okay, Lord, I can trust you. I can trust my spouse with you, I can trust me with you, and I can trust my marriage with you. And so I'm just going to walk in the things that you've asked me to because I trust you, Father." Jennifer Smith: And a foundational verse for trust, and especially trusting God, is Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." Jennifer Smith: And I had to lean on this verse, especially in regards to our marriage, because I felt like I had all this understanding of what I should do as a wife, and how I should respond to my husband, but I couldn't lean on my own understanding. Every time I was faced with this verse, I had to remind myself, I can't do that. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I need to be able trust God and- Aaron Smith: Well, and your understanding kept you from being able to trust me, and kept you from trusting God because you're like, "I just don't understand-" Jennifer Smith: Yeah, and kept me from reconciling with you- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... because my understanding lacked ... Aaron Smith: The spirit of God. Jennifer Smith: ... the spirit of God. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: It really did. It was selfish. Aaron Smith: Yeah, right. Jennifer Smith: It was very selfish. I was trying to preserve myself and protect myself, instead of re-engaging with you and trusting that God was going to walk us ... bring us to a better place. Aaron Smith: Well, and going into the word of God and into prayer, and actually battling for me and being my helper, because you were just thinking, like, "No, I've been hurt, so I'm not going to try." Jennifer Smith: Yeah. There's this picture that I see when I think about trust in a marriage relationship and I hope that this encourages you guys, but it's this idea of all the walls in a person's heart, that we've built up over time. Every brick that is placed to build that wall will keep your spouse out of your heart. The whole idea of oneness is to understand each other and to know each other intimately, and you can't do that unless you bring those walls down, so this picture of taking these bricks down from these walls in your heart and building a bridge to close that gap and to allow connectedness, bring you guys together. Aaron Smith: Right. Which could take a lifetime, to break those walls down, but through the Holy Spirit, could happen overnight. Jennifer Smith: True. Aaron Smith: So we just, we encourage you guys, in your marriage, to take up that calling of trust, and trusting God with your spouse and your marriage, and seeking his word on how you should live, and how you should be, and how you should act towards each other and towards outsiders, and walk in that, and you'll see what will happen. You'll see, like, what we've experienced is freedom. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: Freedom from the bondages of our own desires, our own misunderstandings, our own- Jennifer Smith: Sin. Aaron Smith: ... sin. Which brings us to the fifth calling for your marriage, and it is purity. In Hebrews 13, verse 4, it says, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Aaron Smith: I did not do this. I totally broke unity with my wife, often. I had dealt with pornography my entire life. I thought marriage would fix it, and it didn't, of course. I'm sure a lot of you out there, that are watching this, could understand this, but I walked, actually, worse in it during the first few years of our marriage, and that, by itself, broke unity, spiritually unprotected you and us, brought in all sorts of filth into our home, brought in filth into my mind, made me see my wife in a broken way. It encouraged you to have lack of trust with me, rightfully. It made it hard for you to forgive me, rightfully. Jennifer Smith: Made me not want to be with you, physically. Aaron Smith: It made you not want to pray with me. Jennifer Smith: Made [crosstalk 00:24:43]. Aaron Smith: So all the things that we've been talking about, that are callings in our life, my daily decisions hindered from making it easy and possible for us to do. That doesn't mean that they're not callings, still, for us, but my own impurity, my own walking in filth, my porn addiction- Jennifer Smith: Hindered all those other callings. Aaron Smith: ... hindered all of those other callings, which, when we're walking in that sort of sin ... and I know there's a lot of marriages watching this that are dealing with that, either both or one of the spouses is dealing with pornography on a daily basis, is walking in this unrepentant sin ... and it literally is going to not just bring death to your home, because the Bible tells us that our sin will find us out, and sin leads to death when it's full-grown. And we had spiritual death in our marriage. Praise God that he was patient with us and kind to us and extended grace and mercy, and I just always think about his patience because of how long I was walking in that, and how he didn't just destroy us, because he totally could have. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: And it almost did destroy our marriage. Aaron Smith: But purity, and walking in all these other things, make our marriages into a ministry. But when we're not walking in purity, we have zero authority. I had no authority to lead my wife. I had no authority to lead myself. I couldn't sit with another brother in Christ and say, "Hey, let me encourage you. Let me walk you through this," because I was completely walking in unrepentant sin. Aaron Smith: I thought I was repenting, but the fact that I just kept going back to it without having an actual change in my heart, without having an actual understanding of what I was saying yes to ... I was completely destroying our marriage, and that is a calling for your marriage as much as it's a calling for our marriage. This isn't unique to some marriages. Your marriage is called to purity, husband and wife. Aaron Smith: So I'm talking about my own impurity that I struggled with, with pornography on the internet. What areas of purity did you struggle with, that you didn't recognize in the time, and to be honest, I wasn't even able to bring up to you because of my own sin, but I was able to bring up to you after I started walking in purity. Jennifer Smith: Well, the first thing I want to just share very vulnerably is that I also had my own struggle with pornography for a season. I'm sharing that because I know that there's wives listening, and it can be so hard to confront and admit that you're wrestling with this. Once you confess that sin and repent of it, you will find so much freedom. You need to deal with it, but one of the other major impurities in my life was hiding the fact that I had a problem with food and using it whenever I was emotional, whenever I felt down or defeated, whenever I had a craving. I was so selfish with my desires for it and used it as a crutch. Jennifer Smith: Anytime we were facing discord or disunity, I went to sugar, you know, anything that would make me feel better. I knew that I was living in an unhealthy way and I kept that from you because I didn't want you to point the finger at me, or challenge me, or keep me accountable in any way. Aaron Smith: When you thought I didn't have a right to, anyway, because of the way I was walking. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. When you did try and step in and encourage me to be healthy, I wouldn't let you. Aaron Smith: You'd use my sin as an excuse for your own. Jennifer Smith: Right. Yeah, so that was this crazy cycle in itself, of not being able to walk in the freedom that Christ gave both of us because we were stuck in- Aaron Smith: Impurity. Jennifer Smith: ... impurity. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So the fifth calling for your marriage is to walk in purity. And if you are struggling, or ... I don't even want to say struggling. If you're in these problems, these sins, addiction to pornography, eating habits, things that you haven't submitted to the Lord and you're holding onto and saying, "This is mine," you need to repent today and walk in the freedom that Galatians 5:1 tells us we have, "For freedom Christ has set you free. Stand firm therefore and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery." If you have the Holy Spirit living in you, you have the power to walk in freedom and purity. Jennifer Smith: And as you're evaluating your life, I would also suggest that, you know, maybe it's not pornography, maybe it's not food, but maybe it's music, maybe it's what you're reading, maybe it's the ... Aaron Smith: Yeah, maybe you love romance novels- Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: ... and you dwell on those and you read them often and ... Jennifer Smith: Maybe it's other types of websites that you're viewing online or maybe it's a bad shopping habit. There are so many different ways that we can live impure lives, and God calls us to a higher standard than that. And it's for the protection of our hearts, for the protection of our marriages, for the protection of our families, that we live pure lives. Aaron Smith: And in doing so, it makes our marriages be able to walk in the higher calling that our marriages have, which is ministering to the world, which is doing the will of the Father, and when we aren't walking pure, we're missing it. We cannot do that. It's the plank eye effect. Aaron Smith: The Bible doesn't say not to go take the speck out of your brother's eye. It says you can't see the speck in their eye clearly because we have a plank in our own. So the idea is that we need to remove that plank. We need to be walking in purity, we need to repent of our sin and accept the freedom that Christ has given us, and the authority and power that he's put in us. So let's move onto the last one. Jennifer Smith: The last one. Aaron Smith: And this is a fun one for us, but it's also a hard one. Jennifer Smith: It was a hard one for me, for sure. Aaron Smith: And this isn't an extensive list of all the callings that every Christian marriage has, but these are the six that we chose for this podcast, this video, and so what's the sixth one? Jennifer Smith: So the sixth one is generosity, and I'm going to read 2 Corinthians 9:6-7. It says, "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Aaron Smith: So what do you have to say about that in our marriage? Jennifer Smith: Well, I want to be honest with them and say that, in the beginning of our marriage, I fought generosity and I didn't realize that I was fighting it. I didn't know that I wasn't a generous person, but- Aaron Smith: Yeah, when I said I wanted to start giving to our church or to some non-profits, what was your answer? Jennifer Smith: I thought that by giving of my time, was enough. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: I really believed that, and- Aaron Smith: I remember you telling me, be like, "Why do we have to give our money? We give our time." Because we volunteered a lot at the different churches we were part of and ... Jennifer Smith: We also didn't have very high paying jobs and what we did have went to our living situation, and I never- Aaron Smith: And debt. We were getting out of debt at the time. Jennifer Smith: And debt. And I just, I never felt like we had enough, and so to give away the little bit that we had was really frustrating to me and I didn't understand why it was of importance. Aaron Smith: Especially when we didn't have the things that a lot of our friends and married couples had. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: We didn't have our own home. We only had one car. We didn't have- Jennifer Smith: When we did have an apartment, I remember going down to the thrift store to get a can opener- Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: ... or whatever little thing that we needed to be able to live. Aaron Smith: And we were doing all that for the purpose of getting out of debt, but in our mode of getting out of debt, I believed what the scripture said about generosity and giving, and so we wanted to walk in obedience to that. So even though we were trying to get out of debt, we're like we're also going to give to what God's doing. Jennifer Smith: And I will say that this is a huge testimony to God's way of submission, because as your wife, I submitted to you in this call of generosity and it actually changed me. It changed me heart. It changed my perspective and my view. Aaron Smith: Right. Jennifer Smith: At first, it was challenging for me and I complained, and I do feel bad about that still. But over time, I saw this verse come to life, that when you sow bountifully, you reap bountifully. I saw it even in our own marriage. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: The times that you were generous with me, whether it was with your time or your resources or with gifts, I would feel something in my heart to want to do it back. Aaron Smith: Yeah. Jennifer Smith: So I even saw that come alive in our own marriage, but also out in our other relationships. Aaron Smith: And this calling for your marriage, of being generous, there's not a dollar amount on this. This is not a, like, you have to give this amount of money all the time. The New Testament, specifically, is very clear that God wants all of it. He wants to know that our hands are open and that whatever he puts in, he can also take out. So this isn't a prosperity gospel of, like, if you put money in the basket, money's going to come right back out to you. Sometimes that happens, but in many ways, the blessing that we've gotten from walking in generosity, just in every aspect of our life, is having a healthy perspective on money. We don't crave money. We don't crave more money. We don't seek wealth. Jennifer Smith: Or things, really, I mean we just- Aaron Smith: I mean, even things, yeah. We see things as useful objects. We don't see them as things that are going to fulfill us. Man, the amount of things that God's been able to do, just through our little bit of generosity, in other marriages lives, in other people's lives, around the world, has been a huge testimony to God's goodness in our life. Aaron Smith: So what happens is, God blesses us, because we're all blessed. Everyone's blessed, right. Just Jesus Christ alone, he's the best gift anyone's ever been given. But even just in our day to day life, the things that we have, recognizing that they're not ours. Jennifer Smith: Yeah. Aaron Smith: That they're used for his Kingdom. Aaron Smith: So in your marriage, the calling of generosity, are you being generous with your home? Are you being generous with your cars, with your finances, with your time? Are you walking in a marriage, in a level of generosity where you just trust God and say, "Okay, Lord, we're open to what you have for us and we're going to do it." We don't know what's that looks like means, but we're going to say, "Lord, this is your money, how do you want us to use it? Do you have someone that needs help in the church, that you want us to bless? Is it $5 to help someone with a meal? Is it $20 for gas for someone? Is it $100 to a missionary?" It could be anything. Jennifer Smith: And when you submit your heart to God in prayer and you tell him, "I'm yours and everything I have is yours," you will hear him speak to you, as far as that tugging on your heart to give. In those divine moments where someone else is in need, he'll show you. Aaron Smith: Yeah, and he does it all the time, and that's where our hearts are at. "Okay, Lord, what do you have next for us?" We actually start the year off, every year, "God, how do you want to use us this year, financially?" Jennifer Smith: Yeah. It is a part of our goal setting. Aaron Smith: Yeah. So we hope you enjoyed these six callings that the Lord has for your marriage. We try and walk in these calling ourselves, and we hope that by you walking in these, and chasing after these biblical concepts and callings for your marriage, that you'll be led towards God's greater calling for your marriage, whatever that may be, and that your eyes would be open and that your heart would be open into receiving what he has for you as individuals in your marriage, and as a unit, as a whole. Aaron Smith: If you enjoyed this video, please hit the subscribe button and also hit the bell next to the subscribe button so you get notifications when we post new videos. Jennifer Smith: Also, leave a comment. If there are other callings that God has for Christian marriages we'd love to be encouraged by that and see more. Aaron Smith: See you later. Aaron Smith: Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 23 May 2018 | Stop Escaping the Hard Things In Your Marriage | 00:22:01 | |
Why you should stop trying to escape the hard things in your marriage. Marriage is hard. We all go through trials and tribulations. In fact, the Bible promises us that we will encounter hard things in life. Jennifer and I were notoriously great at escaping the issues in our marriage in the beginning. We managed to find every excuse to avoid dealing with our sexual issues and our hearts towards God and each other. God finally got a hold of our stubborn hearts and showed us the beauty and healing that can come from facing our trials head-on. In This episode of Marriage After God we discuss how we managed to escape our problems and how we changed and found healing.FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 23 Jan 2025 | From Addiction to Redemption - Interview with Dustin Garrett | 01:14:41 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Dustin Garrett from Samaritan Ministries, who shares his remarkable journey from heroin addiction to finding freedom in Christ. Now serving as a leader in a Christian healthcare sharing ministry, Dustin's story demonstrates how God's transformative power can radically change lives and restore families. In this powerful conversation, we explore:
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| 22 Aug 2018 | What It's Like Being A Part of a Home Church | 00:35:34 | |
We grew up in what many would call mega-churches. Calvery Chaples, Harvest Christian Fellowship, Crossroads Christian church and now we are a part of a small home church with about 10 families. In this episode find out from our first-hand experience of what it's like being a part of a small home church. Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today and join the 1000's of couples who have done it. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
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| 17 Nov 2022 | The Power of Forgiveness in Marriage: How To Forgive Your Spouse When You Don't Feel Like It | 00:52:45 | |
This week's episode is brought to you by our 30-day marriage devotionals. Husband and wife after god. These devotionals were written to help you grow closer to your spouse and closer to God. We invite you to join the thousands of other marriages that have already taken the journey toward a deeper and more purposeful marriage. Also, with the holidays coming up, these devotionals will make a powerful and meaningful gift for the other married couples in your life. Get them today at shop.marriageaftergod.com or amazon.com
Forgiveness is the relief of tension in a relationship that has endured offense or conflict. Like holding a band and stretching it across your chest. Eventually, your muscles start to ache When I was thinking of this analogy I also thought…..If someone - we will say the person who caused the offense) is watching me hold this band and I release it to relax my arms. Their state or being is not affected like mine is. I get relief from letting go. I bring this up because forgiveness in a relationship - although powerful to also be on the receiving end - has a powerful effect on the one who is forgiving. Now consider how Christ our Lord felt when He forgave all for sins. Whoa! We all have had countless opportunities to forgive others - especially our spouse - so let's talk more about it and how to do it when we don't feel like.
These are good questions and many we have all wrestled to answer. Let's take a look at one more important question….. Why does Jesus command us to forgive? [Mat 6:12-15 ESV] 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. If forgiveness was a naturally occurring response to being wronged or hurt then there would be no need for the command. But the fact is that forgiveness is a very unnatural phenomenon. It goes against all our natural responses and desires. Forgiveness goes against our natural defense mechanisms and responses. Justice is a more natural response. No, forgiveness isn't something that comes from us at all. It is something we must do in the power of the Holy Spirit. It is something we must do out of obedience to God’s word. True forgiveness can only happen when we understand the miracle that we ourselves have received forgiveness for trespassing against a perfect and Holy God. When we realize what it is that Christ did for us on that cross, we begin to see why we must also forgive others. To withhold forgiveness puts us in the place of God.
READ TRANSCRIPT Jennifer (00:09): Hi and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (00:12): We're your hosts Aaron, Jennifer Smith.
Jennifer (00:13): We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast.
Aaron (00:18): We love God and we love marriage
Jennifer (00:20): And we love to be honest about it all.
Aaron (00:22): Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose.
Jennifer (00:25): So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage,
Aaron (00:30): Especially in light of the gospel.
Jennifer (00:32): We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around we may just make you laugh.
Aaron (00:36): But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together.
Jennifer (00:39): This is after God.
Aaron (00:49): All right. We are back. Aaron Jennifer Smith with the Marriage After God podcast.
Jennifer (00:55): It's been like two weeks.
Aaron (00:57): Yes.
Jennifer (00:57): People were probably wondAarong are they done?
Aaron (01:00): No, we intentionally took off a couple
Jennifer (01:03): Weeks. We unintentionally. Intentionally. Yeah. Aaron told me the week before, Hey, by the way, don't stress out, but I am. We're taking a break. And I was like, what? We've never done that.
Aaron (01:13): Well, you were in like deep edit mode on our book and I was going on a trip with Elliot and so I was like, you know what? We're just not going to even deal with
Jennifer (01:23): It. And normally I would argue that and say, no, we made this commitment. Let's just follow through with that.
Aaron (01:28): But I think you felt relieved.
Jennifer (01:29): I did
Aaron (01:30): Actually. Because you were doing a lot. Yeah. You were crushing it. And I was about to leave and all I thought was like I just, there's no, this plate is full, so we're going to be good. But we love you and we missed you guys and we have a really good episode for you guys today. I hope. And just real quick, I wanna talk about my trip with Elliot, cuz I know we mentioned it. I went to Florida with Elliot for his 10th birthday. It was just me and him and it was awesome. We show up and my friend who lives there texts me and says, you made it just some time for the hurricane.
Jennifer (01:58): Literally like you coming in from the west, the hurricane coming in from the east, you guys met there per in perfect.
Aaron (02:05): It was a nothing burger for sure. There was a little bit of wind, a little bit of rain. I know that there's been worse tornado or worse hurricanes in the area, but I think it just died down to a tropical storm. And it was actually a lot of fun being there and El Elliot's thinking a tornado not a tornado. He kept wanting to call it a tornado because they, they're supposed to swirl in the middle when you look on the map. But it was fun. It was raining. We went to the Everglades got to see some old friends that live there still. And my favorite part was just having time with Elliot talking about him growing up. I was asked him questions, what does he see? What do you think? What does he think God has for him over this next year? And as he's getting older, and it was awesome. And I think he's going to remember it for the rest of his life,
Jennifer (02:52): So Very cool.
Aaron (02:53): Did you miss
Jennifer (02:54): Us? Of course I did. That was, I was going to jump in and say, there's one thing I
Aaron (02:57): Did. You wish you were there because I wish
Jennifer (03:00): You were there. Well, of course everybody likes adventure. But I was going to jump in and say, one thing I learned and realized when you were gone is how codependent I am on you. But I already know that I don't like it when you leave. You did learn that.
Aaron (03:10): Yeah. That's a given. Yeah. All that to say, we are back and we're excited. And today's episode we're going to be talking about something that's very challenging to do in your marriage and life. And it's how to forgive even when you don't feel like it. Ooh,
Jennifer (03:26): Ooh,
Aaron (03:27): Ooh. Yeah. That's good. That's
Jennifer (03:28): A hard one. All right. Before we jump into today's topic, we are going to share today's sponsor, which is our 30 day marriage devotionals, husband and wife after God. These devotionals were written to help you draw closer to each other and to God and we invite you to join thousands of other marriages who have already taken the journey toward a deeper, more purposeful marriage by using these devotionals. Also, with the holidays coming up, you can easily give these devotionals to other married couples in your life as a powerful and meaningful gift. So you can check that out at shop dot marriage after god.com or amazon.com. Again, they're called husband after God and wife after God.
Aaron (04:08): Awesome. So forgiveness. Sure. There's people right now
Jennifer (04:14): Listening. E every single person right now. Yeah. Is that what you meant? Every
Aaron (04:18): Single person We've been faced with this many, many, many, many times.
Jennifer (04:24): So everyone can relate.
Aaron (04:26): Yeah. Well it's not just relate. I think it's experience, it's a thing. It's ties all of humanity together and we'll see why. But this is a big topic,
Jennifer (04:35): So hopefully we can all gain some insight or be encouraged by us bringing it up today.
Aaron (04:40): Yeah. Why don't you give the definition real quick of what is forgiveness?
Jennifer (04:45): So it actually means to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offense flaw or mistake. In other words, to cancel a debt.
Aaron (04:54): I like that. In that definition, resentful. So getting rid of the resentment and changing that. And then the biggest one that cancel a debt. So unforgiveness is holding a debt over someone. They've done something that's withdrawn something from you and they owe you. They owe repentance or an apology or to change or to stop doing whatever that is. But to forgive is to cancel it. That debt's gone. So that's the basis of what we're going to be talking
Jennifer (05:26): About. When I grabbed the definition for this, I thought to myself, it's so easy for it to be defined as just stop feeling angry. Yeah, that's easy. Just stop.
Aaron (05:35): I
Jennifer (05:35): Know. Where's
Aaron (05:36): The easy, but I was reading that. I was turning my head. Just stop feeling angry. Okay,
Jennifer (05:40): Just stop it.
Aaron (05:41): an easy
Jennifer (05:43): Button. So how do you do it? You just stop.
Aaron (05:45): I'm not angry anymore. It's just easy.
Jennifer (05:47): All right. There's a little bit more to, it's
Aaron (05:48): Definitely more difficult than that.
Jennifer (05:51): Laughing, but I know it's not easy. Okay. Forgiveness. When I was thinking about forgiveness, I was thinking it's that relief of tension in a relationship that has endured a fence or conflict or something hard. And the picture that I got is those bands when you're working out, the bands that go like, oh yeah,
Aaron (06:11): Okay. The rubber bands.
Jennifer (06:13): So stretching it out across your chest, stretching it tighter, stretching it, stretching. It's getting harder and harder and harder. And then just holding it there until your muscles start shaking and you can't do it anymore.
Aaron (06:26): So it's the unforgiveness.
Jennifer (06:29): Yeah. That would be holding that tension. Yes. And could you imagine us all walking around with that kind of physical tension on us? That's crazy to think about, but spiritual. But forgiveness would be the release of that and bringing it out of that state of tension to a more relaxed state. And then as your mind gets these pictures, I kept following the image, I kept thinking, okay, so let's say someone was standing there watching me with my hands holding up the tension of this band. And someone is someone who say was the offender or You don't hurt me or whatever you, I don't know. So in the act of me releasing that tension and forgiving, I'm hoping everyone's following along. You're looking at me like bands forgiveness. Okay, are you guys following me here? What I'm saying is the effect of me releasing the tension in that band really powerfully affects me.
Aaron (07:30): Yeah. The other person's not holding the band You are. Yeah. They may have done something that makes you feel like that you need to hold of that.
Jennifer (07:38): And they might have empathy even for watching this thing occur and take place. They may have feelings about it. Yeah, I have no idea or I have no idea. But what I'm getting at is forgiveness is a really powerful thing for the person who's holding onto whatever that thing is.
Aaron (07:53): Isn't there a quote that unforgiveness is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die? This idea of it's something that is happening within you.
Jennifer (08:04): Cause I heard another one about being at a prison. Unforgiveness is being in a prison that you put yourself into
Aaron (08:11): And all these analogies, all these pictures that we're giving it, it does show that often we think that forgiveness is something that requires the other person, but it doesn't always. And we want to that this actually brings a freedom to forgiveness. But we're going to get through some of this a little bit more and dig into this a little bit, a little more. But we're just trying to give this premise of what does this look like? What does this feel like? There's some questions that we can often probably ask ourselves and we just wanted to bring some of those up. Same out loud so that we can dig into this idea of forgiveness.
Jennifer (08:48): Real quick, can I wrap up my little picture for everyone? Yeah. So imagine the outstretched arms holding the band and the weight of okay, totally exhausted muscles shaking pain. It's excruciating. But you're trying with all your might to hold on to all this unforgiveness. Now consider how Christ felt when he took on all of that, everything the
Aaron (09:11): Sin of the world
Jennifer (09:12): And forgave and release that tension. How beautiful. How's, how
Aaron (09:17): Cool? And now you're bringing up the crux, the cross, the crux of this whole idea of forgiveness. Yeah. I like your analogy cuz your arms are stretched out and his arms were stretched out and held out by sin. He was, it's what nailed him there in analogy. So we have countless opportunities to forgive others, especially our spouse. I feel like actually the person that most often that needs our forgiveness in our life will be our spouse
Jennifer (09:50): Most opportunity. Because of the interactions constantly
Aaron (09:53): Happening, there's constantly offenses happening, there's constantly, and hopefully not always intentional. A lot of this is unintentional. Yeah,
Jennifer (10:00): Close proximity.
Aaron (10:02): But we spend so much time together, there's just tons of opportunity for things to happen. And I think it's, but not just in our marriage, I didn't want this just to be about marriage. It's actually just in life in general. Because we can easily say, well your spouse deserves it because they're your spouse. But that's not enough for us to be able to forgive.
Jennifer (10:24): And for those listening, we wanna be an encouragement to you in your marriage, but also to your other relationship. So if you're listening to this and you're like, well I'm forgiving my spouse for everything and so there's no issue there, but are you holding onto something with an in-law or a friend or someone else in your life that you can forgive? So we want you to think about all your relationships.
Aaron (10:47): And so this is something that, here's some questions. I'm just going to say 'em out loud cuz I think we say these to ourselves, we ask these questions when it comes to forgiveness,
Jennifer (11:00): Say them slowly so they really hear 'em.
Aaron (11:02): Okay, why should I forgive when I feel like they're wrong? I feel like this is probably what I ask myself the most. . Like we're in a situation and Jennifer, you've said this, I'm never wrong. You just say you're sorry. And I'm like, I don't want to say I'm sorry. And at the same time I'm like, why should I like you? You did this. Why am I on the, you get confused. Yeah, I do. And so next question. Why does it feel hard to forgive? Why do I have to forgive? That's a question I think some people ask of like, no, this is something I wanna hold onto. I'm not going to, I'm going to afford this person the benefit of my forgiveness. Why don't I want to forgive?
Jennifer (11:47): That's digging a little deeper.
Aaron (11:48): Yeah. It's like, wait a minute, I desi, I wish I did. I wish I could, but I feel like I can't. How can I forgive if they have not repented
Jennifer (11:59): Or apologized
Aaron (12:00): Or apologized? What if I forgive them and they do it again?
(12:06): Have you ever asked that before? J babe? Yeah. Yeah. Why should I forgive if they have not changed yet? These are big questions we ask. I think all of these in some form or fashion pop up on our heads in the midst of when forgiveness is needed. And then this last one, again, this is not an extensive list. Probably I would hope you're listening to your own heart and the spirit of God and say, trying to hear these questions yourself. The last one, if I forgive them, then what they do just gets overlooked. And what if it happens again? And I think that's even mentioned this in the past, is this fear of truly forgiving. Does that mean they just get a pass that I just get a pass to do it again?
Jennifer (12:52): Essentially you brought up the word cr crux. When you have been offended or hurt, you are at the crux of do I believe that that person will change, will ever change is actually sorry. And so that's kind of why we're bringing up all these questions because what happens inside of us, our hearts, it's like turmoil
Aaron (13:17): And that. And that's exactly that. And I think the reason we ask these questions is because we believe the answer to them gives us justification to or not to forgive. Mm-hmm.
Jennifer (13:32): I would even argue that we avoid answAarong them. I mean often I wrestle with the questioning, but I don't lead my heart to the answer . Right. Maybe because I know where it will lead
Aaron (13:44): Me. Well, and here's my point I'm getting at okay with this is so whether we want to answer it or not, we think that the answer has to do with the response when in reality forgiveness has nothing to do with any of these questions. What doesn't matter what the answer to any of these questions are, in essence of if they aren't going to change, should I forgive the answer to the question of should you forgive has nothing to do with if they change or not. And so
Jennifer (14:19): Do you think that by walking in forgiveness, the answer to these or questions get resolved?
Aaron (14:26): They do. Yeah. They get answered. The only way they can is I should forgive . And here's the next question I have. Why
Jennifer (14:35): You mean the most important question? The most important question. The most significant question.
Aaron (14:38): Why does Jesus command us to forgive? Okay. Cuz we have all these other questions that we do ask ourselves trying to justify whether we should or should not, can or cannot, will or will not forgive. So my question to everyone listening and to myself, to me and to you is why does Jesus command us to forgive? You wanna read that verse in Matthew six?
Jennifer (15:04): Yeah. It's Matthew six 12 through 15. And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses.
Aaron (15:25): So Jesus is asked by his disciples cuz they watch him pray and he must have prayed so drastically different than they've ever seen because they come to him and they say, teach us how to pray. They were raised Jews, they understood praying three times a day and pray all the things that they learned in Torah. But they go to Jesus and they're like, teach us. And he takes the opportunity not only to teach them how to pray, but also to teach them about forgiveness. And he tells them in the prayer, we pray to God forgive us as we forgive our debtors. But then afterwards he highlights for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. And it's this idea that Jesus is, he's attacking this core thought of if someone's done something against me, then I can withhold against them. This was a tooth for tooth, eye for an eye mentality. And Jesus is saying, he's like, well if you want forgiveness, then you should forgive. Which lines up exactly what the golden rule do unto others as you'd have to do unto you. So he, he's purely saying, do you want God to forgive you? Of course, then forgive others.
Jennifer (16:44): It's the difference between justice and mercy.
Aaron (16:47): Yeah,
Jennifer (16:47): Justice is what's deserved. But mercy is, is transformative and amazing and beautiful and different.
Aaron (16:57): Well, and I'll eventually argue the fact that what we think is justice isn't just at all. Because I'll get there in a second. Okay. So this is why, this is what I think the answer is to Des, why does Jesus command us to forgive if forgiveness was a natural occurring response, meaning someone wrongs us, someone hurts us, I get slapped in the face, I get tripped and fall my fall down. Someone steals from me. Who knows you. You can name the plethora of ways someone going to wrong me. My is my natural response going to be, oh you, you know I forgive you. Sure. No. My natural response is going to be hurt defense. It's something that's na, the natural response in us is to protect ourselves, protect our pride, protect our flesh, protect our things. That's natural. But the fact is that forgiveness is a very unnatural phenomenon.
Jennifer (17:57): Miracle.
Aaron (17:59): It's a miraculous thing. It's, it's totally antithesis to human nature to nature in general. It goes against all natural responses and Desi desires, forgiveness goes against our natural defense mechanisms and responses. Justice or fairness is more natural. So you took from me, I'm going to take from you. This is the In the Greek. In the Greek or Yeah, I think it's Greek lex tele and
Jennifer (18:29): It's, oh, I've never heard you
Aaron (18:30): Say that before. It's this idea of it's the law of I for an I tooth. For tooth. If you steal, we take your hand. That was a thing that you would have your hand cut off. If you poked someone's eye out, then you would have your eye poked out. This was actually law. And Jesus is saying, well if that's the case then what we've done to God, what's the recourse for that? What's the punishment for that? So Jesus is showing what he intends to do through all of this. But that's our natural response is trying to balance the scales. Quote. Right? Cancel not canceling debt but making sure that debt gets paid right. So you did this wrong, you owe me, you're going to pay it. That's where I like we get the idea of payback. Yeah. Oh you paid me this, I'm going to pay you that you stole from me. I'm going to steal from you. So that's the natural response. The unnatural, like you said, miraculous and spiritual and supernatural. This is the word, is forgiveness. No. Forgiveness isn't something that comes from us at all. I think it's something that we must do in the power of the Holy Spirit. Something that we must do out of obedience to God's word, which is where it comes from. True forgiveness can only happen when we understand the miracle that we ourselves have received forgiveness for trespassing against the perfect and holy God. How does that make you feel?
Jennifer (19:57): small. Yeah. In a really beautiful way. I just keep going. You're doing great. Okay.
Aaron (20:05): So when we realize what it is that Christ did for us on the cross, we begin to see why we must also forgive that keyword must, we must also forgive. It's not whether they've repented, it's not whether they're going to change. It's not whether they, we can a answer all those questions however we want. But the answer is, I must forgive because I have been forgiven. That's the answer. So which
Jennifer (20:36): You would only know, sorry to cut you off. Yeah, it's okay. You would only know if you're abiding in his word and reading his word to come up into verses like what you shared earlier, to know that the Father will only forgive you if you forgive others. Because if you claim to be a Christian and you're not in the word and you're not paying attention to those kinds of verses, then you won't walk in those ways. Yeah, correct.
Aaron (21:04): Well and I'll highlight, so when Jesus is teaching about forgiveness, this is pre resurrection. This is pre him standing at the right hand of the Father. He has actually, and we'll learn this in a bit, there's so much scripture specifically on this concept of forgiveness. And I wanna encourage everyone listening to do a little study on it. Go in the word and learn about forgiveness. See where it shows up from the beginning of the book to the end of the book because it shows up a lot. It's a main theme of the gospel and we'll read this in a little bit, is the sins of the whole world have been forgiven. But if we're not forgiving, if we can't forgive, if we're holding withholding forgiveness, we're not actually operating or acting or walking in or as you said, believing that we ourselves have received forgiveness. Because if we understood it, if we believed it, if we knew it, if we meditated and if we recognize, wow, I can't believe that I can be forgiven by a holy God, then I'm not, that I'm not being forgiven by God cuz I'm forgiven in Christ already. I'm not receiving it. So here's the big thing,
Jennifer (22:21): Okay, wait, there's
Aaron (22:21): Bigger things. Well this concept is what helped me, forgive you, forgive us, forgive me. Helped our marriage not fall apart into little pieces. Was recognizing this one truth. If I withhold forgiveness, I put myself in the place of God.
Jennifer (22:46): Okay, share more about what you mean.
Aaron (22:49): If I withhold forgiveness, I put myself in place of God. So God's holy, perfect cannot dwell in with sin. Right? And yet we deserve judgment because we have sin against him. We deserve his wrath because he is righteous and jest and yet he has forgotten our sins. They have been cast as far as the east is from the west. They're at the bottom of the ocean in Jesus Christ. All our sins have been forgiven. But if you wrong me, you've done something, you said something mean you, whatever, anyone, and I say I'm not going to forgive you or I can't forgive you, then what I'm saying is what you've done to me is more than what I or the world has done to God.
(23:49): God can forgive but not me. That's why Jesus makes such a big point about this. And we're going to read, and Matthew read it in a second, just how important this is. And this will make much more sense. So if God has forgiven me, all my sin paid, all my debt, overlooked all my choices that were against him, and then I go and withhold forgiveness, require the outstanding emotional and spiritual debt to be paid in full with interest and choose to only see the bad in others while requiring perfection before I offer forgiveness, then I, I'm no better than this wicked servant. We're going to learn about that Jesus shares about I'm no better and this doesn't just go for my wife or my kids or my parents. It goes for anyone in the world. And so babe, would you read Matthew 18? It's a handful of verses, but this parable shows so specifically and it comes on the heels of Peter asking Jesus how many times he should forgive. This is what he's exactly about. Yeah.
Jennifer (25:05): Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me? And I forgive him as many as seven times. Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times, therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. And since he could not pay his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, have patience with me and I will pay you everything. And out of pity for him, the master of the servant released him and forgave him his debt. But when the same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denari and se and seizing him.
(25:53): He began to choke him saying, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me and I will pay you. He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, you wicked servant. I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me and should not, you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you. And in his anger his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all of his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.
Aaron (26:40): So I got a question for everyone. Do, do you think that God cares about how we forgive?
Jennifer (26:47): Yes,
Aaron (26:48): I think so. If you think about this story in Matthew that Jesus gives to Peter, Peter comes, how many times should we forgive our someone who sins against us? There's there's a king or master and then there's two servants. No, not one was over the other. Cuz it says that he went to his fellow servant. There were peers, there's a master, two servants.
Jennifer (27:10): Well also real quick, that question that he had for him goes back to that list of questions that you asked all of us. It's just part of that
Aaron (27:18): Wrestling times. He did it again. Should I forgive him again?
Jennifer (27:20): Just wanna point that out. Yeah.
Aaron (27:22): And I just wanna point out in the SV it says 77 times. So he says, should I forgive him seven times? And Jesus says, no, you should forgive him 77 times. But the other way that's translated is 70 times seven, 70 sevens is more accurate and that's 490 if you multiply it the right way. So I'll get to that in a second. So we have the master, we have two servants. The one servant owes the master cuz that master or God, cuz I'm going to break this down, wants to settle accounts. So he is like, Hey, you owe me 10,000 talents. That's 20 years of today's wages, 20 years. He's like, I need you right now, pay up. No one could do that. ,
Jennifer (28:07): No one. Especially after being thrown in jail. I
Aaron (28:09): Mean, yeah. He's like, well, he's like if you don't pay up, I'm going to throw you in jail. And he pleads, please, I'll pay you. And instead of the king saying, okay, I'll give you more time to pay me, he says, I forgive you. He wipes the debt clean cuz he can. Cuz he's the king. It's his debt, the money he's owed. He said, okay, wiped away. I wrote it off. That servant goes outside, grabs a fellow servant by the neck, , give me what you owe me. And he owes him a hundred and denari, which is a hundred days wages. It's a third of the year of wages, which is still a lot of money, but nothing in comparison to 20 years of wages. And he doesn't give the same mercy when pleaded against that the master or God gave him that. This right here is the exact picture of every situation in our life where we have an opportunity to forgive. We were forgiven a great debt. Every single one of us, you listening, every one of you, 10,000 talents, 20 years wages, an impossible debt that you would never be able to pay in a lifetime because you still have to live, you still have to eat, you still have to pay for things, you'll never be able to pay that.
(29:28): And then we go to our fellow servants, our brothers, our sisters, our friends, our family, our spouse.
Jennifer (29:33): Not even in the same manner that the master first approached his servant but harshly and aggressively.
Aaron (29:41): So when you look at this picture, was the servant who was owed the a hundred denari acting in a position of the master. Yes, he was taking the place. He was not acting like a good one. And we go to our fellow brother and sister and our spouse and demand repayment of this a hundred Dari. Now I wanna ask you a question, Jennifer.
Jennifer (30:05): You're asking a lot of questions in this episode.
Aaron (30:07): Who was hundred Dari? Was it it? The fellow servants,
Jennifer (30:14): The masters?
Aaron (30:16): Yeah. So how much did the servant owe the master? 20 years wages. So the hundred denari that this servant wanted wasn't even his and he's demanding it. And so I take that to this idea of that when someone sins against us, we have to remember that that sin that was done against us was actually done against Christ and it was forgiven on the cross. Think about that. But we demand forgive. We demand something before we will forgive that sin. Yeah, Christ has already forgiven it.
Jennifer (30:57): That's powerful.
Aaron (30:59): So we could end just right there. Boom.
Jennifer (31:02): So how do you do it? You just stop.
Aaron (31:04): Yeah, just stop being angry.
Jennifer (31:06): Oh man.
Aaron (31:08): So why don't you read that next verse and first John, and we'll we'll
Jennifer (31:12): Move forward. First John two, one through two, my little children. I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin, but if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father Jesus Christ, the righteous. He is the prop propitiation for our sins and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world
Aaron (31:31): Whose sins,
Jennifer (31:34): Everyone's
Aaron (31:35): The whole world. The whole world. He says, not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world. When Jesus said it's done, it is finished, he meant it. He is forgiven the sins of the whole world. Now this is a hard concept to understand because that doesn't mean that every single person's going to be in heaven because there's a difference between being forgiven and receiving forgiveness. Jesus has forgiven the sins of the whole world because his blood is 100% perfectly capable of forgiving the sins of the whole world. That's amazing. That's why we're asked commanded to forgive because Christ has forgiven. It's a simple complex thing.
Jennifer (32:29): So when there is an offense, let's just bring it back to marriage really quick. When there is an offense, when there's hurt, when there's pain, when there's frustration, when there's anger, when there's all these emotions tied up to an event or a situation or a circumstance that happens and an interaction between a husband and wife, are we really unwilling to forgive someone else? Something that Christ chose to die for so that that person can be forgiven?
Aaron (32:59): Which is why I go back to that statement of when we withhold forgiveness, we put ourself in place of God. We say, yeah, yeah, God forgives you, but I don't, and that's simple to be sitting here, not in this position where I feel like I'm frustrated or angry to realize how silly that sounds.
Jennifer (33:22): But we've been in situations where we both feel really deeply about the things that we're struggling with. And it's hard to bring yourself to a place of true forgiveness. But I don't. But when in the middle of that, I'm not thinking that even the offense that you mm-hmm. Brought on was covered by Christ on the cross. I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about myself.
Aaron (33:43): We're thinking about how our flesh was hurt. Yeah. But this is important. I wanna make a note. We've mentioned, I think we've touched on this topic in the past, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. And this is where going back to yes, the sins of the whole world, but that doesn't mean the whole world is reconciled. God desires the whole world to be reconciled in Christ.
Jennifer (34:06): And it, it's a part of reconciliation.
Aaron (34:09): It's the first step in reconciliation. There can be no reconciliation without forgiveness. But reconciliation requires two. Forgiveness requires one. Mm-hmm. So
Jennifer (34:22): We have to, the bands remember the bands,
Aaron (34:24): So Christ forgave, but reconciliation is the other party that is being forgiven, receiving it, receiving, recognizing, changing what repentance is. But that doesn't mean that happens. Just because we forgive doesn't mean the other person receives repent changes.
(34:44): So forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two because that's both people being back in the same page right back and right relationship, which doesn't always happen. This, that's not what this subject's about today, this topic. But I just wanted to point that out that I think that's good. Just because you can forgive your spouse or your friend or your mom or whoever it is in your life, does not necessarily mean that boom, you're reconciled and relationships just made perfect again. But you can be walking in that forgiveness and in freedom and in obedience without the other person. But that hopefully the end result is reconciliation. The goal. That's the heart. So we got a few more scriptures here. Okay, Matthew 26, 28 for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for the forgiveness of sins. This is Jesus teaching at the last supper of what the cup and the bread meant. Acts 10 43 to him, all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness. Now this is showing that reconciliation part, they are forgiven, but everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name, the reconciliation of man to God. Ephesians one, seven. In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of his grace. So we can forgive because we've B been forgiven.
Jennifer (36:16): Sorry to interrupt you again. You kind of read through those pretty quickly. But as you read the Acts 10 43 1, something came to my mind, so I wanted to bring it up. So just to basically say it again, it says to him, all the prophets bear witness, that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name. And it made me think about the story in Matthew that we read. So did the servant who turned to his other fellow servant harshly and said, pay me. Did he not believe that his master covered his debt? Did he still feel like he was in bondage to that debt, that his master cleared him off and that's why he went
Aaron (36:53): After? Well, he was clearly acting like that Hunter Dari was
Jennifer (36:56): Mattered
Aaron (36:56): To him enough to put this brother in prison. Interesting. He definitely didn't receive that grace, that mercy from his master in a grateful way. I mean, he's even called ungrateful and wicked.
Jennifer (37:09): Maybe he, he didn't believe and he thought that maybe his master was going to come back after him. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand.
Aaron (37:15): Well I'm glad that you brought Matthew 18 back up because I wanted to, there was something I wanted to bring up in that Oh perfect. About how many times we should forgive. And he tells it's 7 7, 7 77 or 70 sevens or 70 times seven, which is 490. And 490 is the exact number of Daniels 70 week prophecy. Mm-hmm. So 70 sevens. And it means to the end of time, the how hold. Right. Even that four 90 years, that 70 sevens, that 70 week prophecy is to the end of time, to the end of all things, to the reconciliation of all things. If you go back and read Daniel, I believe it's chapter nine, it talks about this 70 week prophecy, which leads up to Christ the second coming of Christ, not his first coming and his second coming. That's the whole prophecy. And so he's essentially telling his Peter like, well you're going to forgive forever because I've forgiven you all things. There is no end to the forgiveness because you've been forgiven so you can forgive. So thank you for bringing that back up. I wanted to bring that
Jennifer (38:24): Up. That's why I did it. No, we're good. Yep. So this is all really good heart stuff. I mean, these are the things, God's word and recognition of what forgiveness means and where it comes from that needs to lead us when our emotions are feeling those frustrations when our flesh is being reminded of our hurt or pain when the enemy sees us and our weakness or tempts us to withhold pride. And I'm just thinking with those listening, what's the practical in that moment of feeling that flood, flood of emotion and concern and pain and anger
Aaron (39:09): And just that unwilling, like I can't
Jennifer (39:12): Like Yeah. How do you flip that switch from being offended to stop to stopping and saying, I forgive you and meaning it?
Aaron (39:20): Well I think meditating in the gospel, because remembAarong what we've been forgiven of, remembAarong that we are forgiven is the beginning of all. This is the gospel. It's the good news of Jesus Christ, the forgiveness of sins. But that doesn't negate all of the hormones our body is feeling and all the chemical reactions in our
Jennifer (39:44): Brains and all of that. Because it is biological too. No, yeah, this is, please feel it. Yeah.
Aaron (39:48): It's hard. But I know that the Bible promises, God promises that with every temptation he provides a way of escape Corinthians. And that's what this is, is in those moments, there's a physical fleshly temptation that boils up within us to withhold and say, I'm not going to give it until you have done this or done that.
Jennifer (40:12): Being contingent on their response.
Aaron (40:15): And I believe God by His Holy Spirit speaks to us every one of his children, everyone who claims the name of Christ, those listening, you hear from God when you're in that moment that you're reminded that you should forgive, you're reminded that you're getting angry, that still small voice, that prick. And you could either push it away and say no, and keep fighting. Or you could listen to it. And it takes, sometimes it could take practice, practicing, listening, practicing and forgiving even when you don't feel like it. Maybe it starts with forgiving internally. You say it in your, I forgive 'em, I forgive 'em, I forgive her, I forgive her. They don't mean it. I love them repeating truths. They're my spouse. We're one on the same team. This is temporary. Trying to say that stuff to you that could A help your biological response, this chemical thing that's going on, the positive thinking helps it. But it also is reminding your spirit of the truth and helps you to navigate that.
Jennifer (41:26): I think those are really good. And I just wanna point out, when you said physical response or biological, I also wanna say the positive to forgiveness is that it's healthy forgiveness brings mm-hmm. Peace to our bodies and our minds. And when we're dealing with all kinds of different stresses in life, it's like if we can control the stress in our relationship of being able to offer forgiveness, that is going to change what's happening inside of our bodies. And I think it's good for us, it's healthy for us. And I just wanted to bring that out cuz there are negative effects to things like anger when they get built up inside of us. So that's good. And then also, I think it's really, really a good practical advice, what you just said about acknowledging and remembAarong the truths that we are one, that we're on the same team and that not one is perfect. I'm not perfect, you are not perfect. And there's going to be times that I fail and I want you to forgive me. And so that going back and forth, going
Aaron (42:25): That golden roll
Jennifer (42:25): Again, sharing mercy and sharing grace. And so I think those are really good, really good answer to what I asked about practical in the moment.
Aaron (42:34): And like I said, it can sound, it sounds very easy in this moment when there's no turmoil, no emotional response, it's just talking about it. So when we fail, we recognize it and we say, oh, I'm really sorry I didn't forgive you quicker. Yeah. I wanna forgive you my, I love you. But also when outside of the marriage, when it comes to other relationships, you may not ever be able to tell the person that you forgive them. This is a reality.
Jennifer (43:04): I was going to ask you this. Is it true forgiveness if you can't say I forgive you.
Aaron (43:09): Absolutely. I go back to forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two. And a part of the forgiveness process, let's say there's a broken relationship and they're distant, you know, haven't spoken in a long time. I, I've known people that have walked through this. It starts with first forgiving. Like, okay, they're also human, they make mistakes. It's
Jennifer (43:32): Having compassion. God, you love them for them. Yeah,
Aaron (43:35): I know that I'm hurt, I know that this was wrong. I pray that the way that this happened gets dealt with appropriately well. And God, if it's your will allow reconciliation work in their hearts, that's good. Also, sometimes reconciliation isn't possible. I would say that's more rare. Not going to bring up the times that happens, but that is a real thing. But God still wants us to be able to walk in forgiveness and freedom of that forgiveness.
Jennifer (44:06): Totally. And I would just encourage those listening that if you're ever in a situation where you do truly forgive, but you don't have that opportunity to say the words I forgive you, which leads to that reconciliation, even just telling a friend or your spouse about the situation and how you forgave them is so powerful. I had a situation in my own life where, remember this? Yeah. I couldn't actually reconcile with someone about something. And the moment I realized I truly forgave that person, I went straight to my best friend and I told her, Hey, this thing just happened. I feel like God really helped me process everything. And I just wanted to tell someone I forgive them.
Aaron (44:53): It also drastically changed you.
Jennifer (44:55): It's healing. It's really beautiful. And if you can't tell someone or you maybe don't feel comfortable telling someone, just write it down in a journal and
Aaron (45:03): Write
Jennifer (45:04): It in a letter. God. And just, I don't know, for some reason, getting it out of your heart and mind and just, I don't know, sharing it with someone or writing it down, it does help kind of in that sharing process.
Aaron (45:19): Absolutely. Well and there's something about writing something down and speaking something out loud that makes it real. And that's a powerful thing. It sticks with you. Yeah, for sure. Well, and just it's evidence of, in something that happened internally. Yeah. It's saying, oh, I'm going to say this
Jennifer (45:37): Recognition,
Aaron (45:39): The last thing I wanna say about forgiveness, especially when in the situation of where you may be reconciliation may not be feasible, maybe you can't reconnect with this person or whatever, forgiveness. A big part of it is saying, God, I'm going to trust you with the other person. I'm going to trust you with me. Help me navigate how I think about this person. How I pray for them, how I love them. Even if it's from a distance. And then trusting God with the other person saying, God, I trust you that you are going to work in that person's life. That you are going to deal with their sin, that you're going to deal with their heart and how they see me and what they've done wrong. And cuz here's the best judge of all of this.
Jennifer (46:28): I was going to say, it releases you from that fleshy part of us that is justice, or this is what you need to do to teach them a lesson, or whatever the thing is. And you're saying trust and you're saying God, you mm-hmm. Are the one who teaches and convicts and corrects and loves and he does it all. And we can trust him to do
Aaron (46:51): That. He does it by his spirit. And so as we've said many times, we don't have to be other people's. Holy Spirit. The holy spirit's plenty good at that. Yeah. So we back off and we say, okay, spirit of God, you do your thing. Yeah. Do it in me. Do it in them. And then man, you step out of that prison we talked about. Yep. You let go of that band. You're
Jennifer (47:15): Feeling healthy, you
Aaron (47:16): Yeah. You're you. That poisons you've, you've taken the antidote. Yeah. You, you're going to be able to stand with God and be like, okay, I trust you. Figure this stuff out. Yeah. Because
Jennifer (47:29): We were kind of switching back and forth between other relationships and marriage. And just to bring it back to marriage real quick, reconciliation is the goal. So yes, being able to say, I forgive you is really powerful. We've experienced this in our own marriage from the beginning saying, I forgive you, helps move things forward. And so be willing, ready to forgive and to say, I forgive you and mean it for the sake of reconciliation. And then you said something else twice that I wanted to bring up for a part of that practical, what can I do? And it's prayer. When you feel offended, when you feel hurt, when you feel angry, we should pray. We should pray for ourselves. We should pray for understanding, we should pray for the other person. I think that that's really important. And I didn't wanna that to be overlooked.
Aaron (48:22): Often you brought a prayer. When I'm in these heated, again, they're rare, but when I'm heated and I feel like icky. Yeah. And I don't know what to do, I say, God, I literally don't know what to do. Yeah. Help. That's all. And often that's the only thing I can get out because I just don't know what to do. And I'm like, okay, I help me please. And often he does. Yeah. Not often. Every time he does when I ask.
Jennifer (48:52): So when we've struggled with unforgiveness in our marriage, even if it's for a short time and it's withheld, it affects every part of our relationship. I know
Aaron (49:04): Our kids are our relationship,
Jennifer (49:06): But even just my desire to be close to you, our ability to engage with one another. We've had date nights where we're pretty quiet and it's like, mm-hmm man, we really need to fix what's going on here. But just being able to enjoy one another. Every aspect of our relationship, the friendship, the intimacy, the the partnership, all of it gets affected. And so we wanted to bring this to you guys today because we know how important forgiveness is to marriage. In order to build a healthy, strong, thriving and spiritual, spiritually thriving marriage, we have to be willing to forgive. And so our encouragement to you today is hopefully you've been hope, hopefully you've been encouraged by what we've shared today to consider is there any unforgiveness in my heart toward my spouse or towards anyone? And God, how can you lead me through it your way?
Aaron (50:06): Yeah. All right. That's really good. Why don't you do the weekly challenge?
Jennifer (50:12): Okay, so switching gears here. This is yay . Go on a fun date night together. I threw some examples out there, but you know what? The snow seasons upon us here in Oregon. And so I just wanna encourage everyone to be willing to go outside, even when it's cold. go ice skating if you don't wanna for a walk,
Aaron (50:35): Whatever. If you don't wanna go outside and do something cold. We just did a date night with some friends and we bought a new game.
Jennifer (50:39): We went to, there was a game store. We went to a game store, picked out a game. We couldn't stay there because they were having some tournament thing. Yeah. But we went somewhere else and we played a game and it was
Aaron (50:49): Fun and it was a lot of fun. And now we have a new game in our arsenal of games.
Jennifer (50:53): Should we tell 'em what it is?
Aaron (50:54): Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer (50:55): You like it? It's a small white box. It's a card game. And it's called
Aaron (51:00): I think it's called the Coup.
Jennifer (51:01): Coup. Yeah.
Aaron (51:02): Yeah. It's very simple, but it's a very fun. All right. Will you pray for us?
Jennifer (51:06): Yes. Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of forgiveness. Thank you for dying for our sins, that we may be forgiven and receive eternal life. We pray our hearts and minds would understand the depths of your forgiveness and be ready and willing to forgive others, especially our spouse. When our flesh is fighting for justice and it feels hard to forgive, and our emotions overwhelm us, please lead us to faithfully trust you and walk in your ways. We pray we would stop being angry. We pray we would not let frustration have a foothold in our marriage. Please help us to be quick to forgive, but also to be quick to reconcile in our marriage. May we pursue peace as we remind each other of the peace you have brought us through salvation. In Jesus' name, amen. Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (51:51): If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends.
Jennifer (51:57): Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast?
Aaron (52:02): Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and you can always check out more of our resources@marriageaftergod.com.
Jennifer (52:07): You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at Marriage after God at Husband Revolution, and at Unveiled Wife.
Aaron (52:16): We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on The Marriage After God podcast.
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| 13 Mar 2025 | Christians as Joyful Outsiders, Finding Unity in Diversity, Engaging Culture Without Fear - w/ Keith Simon | 01:02:53 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Keith Simon, co-author of "Joyful Outsiders" and co-host of the Truth Over Tribe podcast. After 35 years of marriage and raising four children, Keith shares his wisdom on how Christians can positively influence culture without conforming to it. As a pastor in Columbia, Missouri, Keith explains how believers can embrace their role as outsiders in an increasingly post-Christian world, while maintaining joy and unity within the diverse body of Christ. In this thought-provoking conversation, we explore:
Whether you're feeling discouraged by cultural shifts, struggling to know how to engage with the world around you, or seeking to raise children with a confident faith, this conversation offers biblical wisdom for approaching life as a joyful outsider. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Keith Simon:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Keith Simon, joyful outsiders, Christian engagement, cultural influence, biblical unity, cultural diversity, Christian parenting, faith and culture, body of Christ, Christian witness, biblical perspective, cultural outsiders, church unity, Truth Over Tribe Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 23 Mar 2023 | How To Learn To Love What Your Spouse Loves And What God Loves | 00:48:37 | |
How do you determine what’s important in your marriage? How do you navigate marriage when you have different interests and hobbies than your spouse? Today we are going to explore the art of learning alongside each to grow in the things we love, sharing in the experience together and nurturing our marriage relationship by choosing to like what each other loves.
Today's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team who have chosen to help financially support this show monthly. Here is a shout-out to some of our most recent patrons.
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| 13 Feb 2025 | Finding Peace in Marriage, Surviving a Tornado's Wake-Up Call, The Power of Biblical Community - w/ Chris & Jessica Speas | 00:58:21 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Chris and Jessica Speas, long-time friends and ministry partners. From their whirlwind five-month courtship to marriage, through seasons of spiritual growth and challenges, they share how God has shaped their relationship over 13 years. After surviving a devastating tornado in Tennessee, their experience led to spiritual renewal and Jessica's ministry teaching women about biblical prophecy. In this inspiring conversation, we explore:
Whether you're newlyweds seeking wisdom, walking through a spiritually dry season, or looking to deepen your faith together as a couple, this conversation offers practical insights and hope for building a marriage that honors God. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Jessica Speas:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Chris Speas, Jessica Speas, marriage commitment, spiritual growth, biblical community, tornado testimony, faith renewal, prophecy ministry, marriage wisdom, Holy Spirit, Christian marriage, biblical truth Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 22 Nov 2023 | Want More Purpose, Unity & Blessing in Marriage? Then do this! | 00:46:47 | |
In this special Thanksgiving episode, we are sharing about the immense value of serving others together in marriage. While the holiday may look different for all of us this year, we want to encourage you with the blessings, unity and purpose that come from adopting a lifestyle of service as a couple. We start by reflecting on our own journey of serving in various capacities over the years - from youth ministry, to nonprofits, to family and friends. Making service a shared activity has built life-giving memories and given us a shared mission. But for a season when we struggled relationally, our eyes turned inward and serving dried up. Serving is a powerful antidote to many marriage issues. It builds unity as you work as a team. It provides perspective when you pour into others’ lives. It gives opportunity to utilize your unique gifts and talents together. And most importantly, it allows you to follow Jesus’ example and model servant leadership in the way He perfectly lived it out. In Mark 10 and other passages, Christ makes it clear that His entire mission on earth was to serve and “give his life as a ransom for many.” Washing His disciples feet, He told them to follow His model of humble service to one another. When we serve others from a place of humility and sacrifice like Jesus, amazing things happen in our own hearts. Some benefits of consistently serving together include: deepening intimacy and friendship, creating life-long memories, teaching important values to your kids, gaining inspiration for your relationship, blessing your community, and discovering purpose. As you reflect this Thanksgiving, we encourage you to prayerfully consider what adopting a lifestyle of service might look like for your marriage. Who can you bless? What brokenness can you help heal? You have gifts and talents waiting to be unleashed for Kingdom impact!
Sponsors: Grab our NEW book The Marriage Gift - filled with 365 prayers and devotions for your marriage! This is a production of Smith Family Resources, Inc & Marriage After God © 2023 Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means we earn a small commission if you purchase the item(s) using these links. Thank you for supporting us! Connect With Us
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| 28 Feb 2018 | Why A Healthy Lifestyle Is Important For A Healthy Marriage | 00:26:27 | |
There are huge physical and spiritual benefits for your marriage in living a healthy lifestyle. This episode of Marriage After God shares 3 important areas of life that are positively impacted when we choose to live a healthy lifestyle and how it affects marriage. Quick link to grab the resources we share in this episode! Husband & Wife After God: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/husband-and-wife-after-god-devotional-bundle
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Proverbs 25:28 (6:35) We give personal examples of the growth we have seen in our marriage from choosing to eat good and workout, as well as the spiritual discipline of spending time with God. If you want to try sugar busters http://amzn.to/2BS2pY0 check your pantry and refrigerator for these added sugars and avoid them when buying groceries:
A Marriage After God allows each other to speak into each other’s lives, to require things and to expect the best of each other. We need to be humble to receive this. Being married is awesome because you are there to help each other.
Leading in a healthy lifestyle will provide an example for others to follow. Lead by example for your spouse and for your children. Start walking out what you desire your spouse to walk in. Your example will inspire change in others.
What are you able to do because you are disciplined, healthy, fit, focused, moving in oneness in marriage and your family is following your example? We share some personal examples, but consider this for yourself as well! We found we play and engage more with our children. We also experienced energy and agility increase in sexual intimacy. This is a HUGE benefit and spiritual benefit of living a healthy lifestyle! We noticed increased oneness in our marriage. Having a more active and healthy sexual lifestyle made us feel closer and more confident in our relationship. When we grow in our ability when God gives us extraordinary opportunities we will be able and ready to do it. We are prepared. Our marriage is prepared. Maturity is walking in spiritual disciplines, spending time with God reading His Word and praying. “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7-8 (24:35) Discipline spiritual life. We must take baby steps to start building healthy habits. Start today! What is one thing you and your spouse can commit to today that will contribute to a healthier marriage? -- Lover & Fighter Shirt shirt: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/collections/apparel/products/fight-and-a-lover FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
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| 08 Aug 2018 | 10 Tips for Traveling as a Family | 00:31:00 | |
Take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge today and join the 1000's of couples who have done it. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle We share our experience of traveling with young kids and we give our best 10 Tips on what makes that experience the best it can be! Traveling with young kids is a very different experience than traveling just with your spouse, but it can be done! We want to encourage you to not fear traveling with your family. Being prepared is one of the greatest ways you can make a family travel trip extraordinary!
This includes a fun tip for the whole family to do on your return journey home! Scriptures we review: FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
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| 27 Jun 2018 | 10 Verses You Can Pray Over Your Spouse | 00:36:05 | |
Take Our 31-day Marriage Prayer Challenge: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle In this episode, Jennifer and I share 5 verses each of us like to pray for each other. Prayer is so important for a thriving Christian marriage and we know that God desires us to pray to him for everything which is why it is our hope to encourage you and your spouse in your prayer life. We want to inspire you to pray with and for each other every day. Here are 10 verses you can pray over your spouse. -- Take Our 31-day Marriage Prayer Challenge: https://shop.unveiledwife.com/products/thirty-one-prayers-bundle Aaron's Peacemaker shirt: -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 15 Feb 2018 | 6 Callings God Has For Your Marriage | 00:36:08 | |
This week we highlight 6 callings God has for every marriage. We share personal stories and struggles we have experienced in our own marriage, as well as the importance of these callings and how they impact the marriage relationship and beyond. The 6 callings we present include
These 6 callings are foundational in order for marriages to experience extraordinary. In each of these categories we share scripture, testimonies, and application. Our hope is that couples would evaluate their marriage to see if they are excelling in these callings or need to grow in them. We hope this episode is encouraging and challenging. Stay tuned each week where we will be discussing topics hoping to inspire you to cultivate an extraordinary marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS READ:
-Not in the beginning. There's definitely been times where forgiveness was too painful to accept in my heart.
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 29 Sep 2022 | How To Cultivate deep and meaningful friendships | 00:48:56 | |
TAKE THE FREE MARRIAGE PRAYER CHALLENGE
Jennifer (00:10): Hi, and welcome to the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (00:12): We're your host Aaron and Jennifer Smith.
Jennifer (00:14): We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast.
Aaron (00:18): We love God and we love marriage,
Jennifer (00:20): And we love to be honest about it all.
Aaron (00:22): Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose.
Jennifer (00:26): So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage,
Aaron (00:30): Especially in light of the gospel.
Jennifer (00:32): We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you laugh.
Aaron (00:36): But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together.
Jennifer (00:40): This is Marriage after God.
Speaker 3 (00:45): Hey
Aaron (00:46): Everybody. Welcome back to another episode of The Marriage After God podcast. We're your hosts back at it.
Jennifer (00:52): Be at
Aaron (00:53): It. Be bag at it. Bag. Got it. . B bag. Get it.
Jennifer (00:56): Oh, back at it. Back
Aaron (00:57): At it. Here we go. Uh, . Today we're gonna be talking about discussing friendships. That
Jennifer (01:05): Was kind of redundant.
Aaron (01:05): I know talking about and discussing are both similar things, but we are, we're gonna talk about that, you know, cultivating deep friendships, the necessity of friendships. Also how it can be difficult in our relationships with our friends, um, but how it's all part of the process. And so that's what we're talking about today.
Jennifer (01:22): This episode is brought to you by our free 30 day Marriage Prayer Challenge. Simply go to marriage prayer challenge.com to sign up and it's completely free. Over 130,000 husbands and wives have already taken this challenge. Join now and every day you'll receive an email with some scripture and a prompt free for a specific area to pray for your spouse. Just go to marriage prayer challenge.com and sign up today.
Aaron (01:46): So we're, um, talking about friends.
Jennifer (01:50): We love friends.
Aaron (01:52): We have friends.
Jennifer (01:53): We've had a lot of different friends over the years, just thinking about all the many places in the world we've been, We
Aaron (01:59): Have friends in several countries, and, uh, of course we, we don't see all of them all the time, , but, uh, we have friends in a lot of states too.
Jennifer (02:09): Yeah, I feel like I'm really grateful for all the opportunities we've had to cultivate friendships at different times throughout our marriage. And it just kind of blows my mind, Aaron. It's like no matter where we've been, no matter how long, like how long or how short of a time we've been in that place mm-hmm. , God has provided real friendships, deep friendships, but it was up to us to make the choice to invest into those relationships and what they would be like.
Aaron (02:36): Yeah, I agree. I we've had many re relationships that we've had to invest in. Uh, but I also feel like that God's used all of those relationships, probably the, the most in our life to, to grow us, to mature us, to point out areas that God wanted us to change in. Um, so not only did we have the benefit of those friends for our joy and that closeness and connection, but also for our spiritual growth and maturity.
Jennifer (03:01): Yeah, I totally agree with you. And I think that that happened because of the time we chose to invest into those relationships. And, um, you know, even when hard times came or challenges came, we, we used those opportunities to press on in love and to do our best to cultivate those relationships. And we weren't perfect at it. We, I feel like we're , we're kind say that a lot in every aspect of our life, but it's true. There were mistakes that we made at times. There were things we probably could have done to make friendships easier, you know? Yeah.
Aaron (03:35): Or just being better friends in general.
Jennifer (03:38): , just like in marriage when when you're in close proximity to another person, and there's sometimes that friction, you know, when our flesh just gets kind of like agitated. That's stickiness. Yeah. Uh, so anyways, that happens. But I feel like nostalgic, just thinking about our friendships over the years and all the laughs, the cries, the pranks we've done together, the catch phrases we've had, the adventures, the games, the games,
Aaron (04:04): The staying up late,
Jennifer (04:05): The hot tubs, the jacuzzi times discussions we've had. I mean, I'm just, I'm feeling very grateful for all of the different relationships that we've had.
Aaron (04:15): Yeah. This topic actually, uh, came up from one of our friends. Mm-hmm. I was at, I went to Portland with a friend to go pick up a part for his tractor or something like that. And I was like, Hey, we need an idea for a topic. And he is like, Huh? He's like, Why don't you talk about like, relationships and friendships and like, how, how awesome they are, but how hard they are and how, And then we just started writing out, I was writing out all these notes and texting him to Jennifer while we were driving
Jennifer (04:38): . So thank you, Cody. I know you're listening. Uh, Cody and his wife Stacy and all of their children, we have been good friends with them for almost nine years now. And it's one of those, like, it feels like family.
Aaron (04:49): All of our kids have been like friends with their born together almost, and then have been growing up together.
Jennifer (04:54): And our goal is to like grow together and live next door. So we're working on that.
Aaron (05:00): Isn't that everyone's goal? They just want to have like this, like small community with all their friends living of, of course, every, you know, down the street.
Jennifer (05:06): I don't know if everyone feels like that, but it's a good goal.
Aaron (05:09): Yeah. All those introverts out there, like Yeah. Right. .
Jennifer (05:12): Well, we thought we would just kind of ask each other a couple of questions about friendship and get the, the conversation started. And
Aaron (05:20): I like, I actually like this format because when I've been, I was praying about this episode today and I was thinking, Man, I don't feel like I've gotta handle a grasp on this idea of like being a good friend. It's something that I'm constantly learning. And Fri friendships are hard at times, especially when you, you allow yourself to be so close. So I like that we're gonna be asking these questions, and I just want everyone that's listening to know our heart is to, again, we always to encourage you and to remind you that you're not alone. That God has plans for us and that he desires us to grow in, in oneness and unity with his body of the church. And so, hopefully just us going back and forth answering some questions, you glean something out of it.
Jennifer (06:00): And my encouragement to you guys listening would be if you, uh, already have strong friendships in your life, our hope would be that this episode just inspires you with some creative ways to, uh, engage in your friendships and, and cultivate them in deep ways. And if you're listening and you already are thinking like, Man, I really want that. I want a deep friendship. I want, uh, friendship, like friendships of married couples where, you know, you and your spouse are friends with another couple, um, our heart and prayer is just that, that God would provide that for you and that you would be willing to invest in mm-hmm. those friendships and so all around. Yeah. We just hope that this is a good episode that encourages you.
Aaron (06:42): All right. So let's get, we have some questions here, and then we'll just go back and forth. All right. Let's do it. So the, here I'll ask you the first question. Okay. What did friendship look like for you growing up?
Jennifer (06:53): Well, I come from a big family and like my family's families were even bigger. And so I had a lot of aunts and uncles, a lot of cousins. Friendship for our family was our family. Like, there wasn't a lot of outside friendship. We were all friends with each other. And so as I grew up and I was going to school, like I started building friendships a little bit later mm-hmm. , like junior high, high school. Um, but yeah, that's kind of what it like most like hangout time or events, Everything was surrounded around our big family
Aaron (07:25): . But you had a, you had a few core friends growing up. Yeah. Yep.
Jennifer (07:30): Yeah. Like two, three girlfriends that I was close to. Yeah. I think maybe a few more than that.
Aaron (07:34): I think it was, um, very similar for me. I had, um, not in the fr the family or actually opposite, um, we saw Yeah.
Jennifer (07:42): Your family was, had a lot of friends.
Aaron (07:44): Yeah. Our family had a lot of friends, and we saw our direct family periodically throughout the year. And so I saw a different example mm-hmm. . Um, but I had a, I feel like I had, I had two really good friends growing up. Um, and I'm no longer like that close with them anymore. We just, we've moved on. But that was my kind of experience was I just had a couple that we did everything
Jennifer (08:08): , and really quickly I'll share, and I think I speak for both of us. We both had a desire when we were, you know, 18, 19, 20 to marry our best friend. And so when we met and started building our friendship, Aaron, we, we cultivated it knowing that we were moving towards marriage and there was this really beautiful aspect to our friendship, knowing that we were gonna be friends in marriage and I don't know about you. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Even now, I feel like you're
Aaron (08:34): My best friend friends first. Yeah. And it never changed. I feel like you are my best friend. Yeah.
Jennifer (08:38): Good . Awesome. All right. Well, the next question is, what was your desire for friendship? So going back to childhood or growing up times. Like what, what did you seek in a friendship? What did you want?
Aaron (08:52): Uh, I think that, so friendship was one of those things where I just could, could go be me and hang out with that person that I enjoyed being around. Mm-hmm. . And it was like a, it was a get outta my house, go to their house, whole new environment. Yeah. And
Jennifer (09:05): Eat their snacks and their
Aaron (09:06): Cap. They always had. Oh, that's like, they, they always had snacks.
Jennifer (09:09): My friends always had better snacks than like, That's true. More
Aaron (09:12): Like moon pies,
Jennifer (09:13): . What? That's, that's them good. Sorry. I loved them.
Aaron (09:16): No, I didn't have moon pies in my house. No. Uh, so my desire for friendship I think was more of like, just kind of escape, having my own my own zone. And my friends were that zone.
Jennifer (09:27): I can't stop thinking about how gross moon pies are, but you know, it's good. oatmeal pies. It's
Aaron (09:31): Gram crackers, chocolate and marshmallows.
Jennifer (09:33): What's that gonna, I don't know. There's something about it, but oatmeal pies are really good. Okay. See's good to have differences in friendships. See, Yeah. so that only one person is eating all the moon pies. .
Aaron (09:44): What was your desire for friendship? What did, was there something there? Oh,
Jennifer (09:47): I'm serious again. Yeah, I'm getting back to it. Um, I really desired to have, uh, a closeness in relationship where you can share deep thoughts or, uh, experiences together. You know, go do things together, which I often did with my girlfriends, so I appreciated that. Yeah.
Aaron (10:04): So some of these questions will, those are, these are kind of like, been past like, ways of viewing friendship, but the friendship we're talking about now goes beyond what we kind of used to experience it like in junior high, high school, like grade school. But we're talking about deep relationship mm-hmm. , friendship. Mm-hmm. , you know, with other believers. Uh, so what has been the greatest thing about those kinds of friendships?
Jennifer (10:28): Can you answer that first ? Sure.
Aaron (10:30): Uh, I, I would say I, I love, I love having friends who know me, who love me. Um, and that, that means they, they share with me things that they see weak, like weaknesses they see in me. Mm-hmm. , but also they, they just enjoy me mm-hmm. and want to be around me. And, um, and I, those are, those are really cool things. Yeah.
Jennifer (10:55): So there's two things that come to mind for me. The first thing is when you're known by a friend, special things happen. So they get you your favorite drink at random times or they'll, you know, they just, they know you so well that they tune in to who you are and what you like. And that makes you feel loved and special and like, thought of, which I really appreciate in friendship. Yeah. And the other thing is spontaneity. So, you know, just the random, Hey, what are you doing for dinner? Come over and not really even needing to make a plan. That makes me feel like our, our friendship is so close because there's the reliance upon each other and like a camaraderie of let's do this thing together. Even if it's short notice. I don't know why. I just love that.
Aaron (11:37): Okay. So we talked about the greatest thing and there's lot, probably lots of things we could talk about, like how great it's to have a good friend. But what's a hard thing about these kinds of friendships?
Jennifer (11:48): The absolute hardest thing about friendship for me is conflict. And when I know that, that I've hurt someone or said the wrong thing, or wasn't very clear in a text message and I've made someone feel a certain way, negatively sense, Yeah. Sensitive sensitivity is that I really struggle with. Cuz I don't, I'm a, I, I want peace and I want love and I want joy and I don't want the hard stuff. And so when I'm confronted with the hard stuff and there needs to be a conversation or, you know, let's flesh this thing out, Even those, those things, even though those things are really good and God has his special way of working through us in those things. Mm-hmm. , it's really hard.
Aaron (12:29): That's true. Um, I would agree. A an additional layer to it. Um, cuz I, I just, I don't, like, no one likes conflict. I know there's,
Jennifer (12:37): Do you feel like you're okay with it? Like, uh,
Aaron (12:40): I used to be a lot more like, Yeah, lets, let's argue and let's figure this stuff out. I don't like it at as much anymore. Um, uh, I think though there's a, there's a part of me cuz I, I have multiple friends and I don't like when there's conflict between my other friends and I have these friends and I'm like, do I, like, where do I lay in the middle of this? Oh, got. So I don't like that feeling. And so, but which is a, it's a good thing cuz then it caused me like, how can I participate in helping these friends mm-hmm. , which got you in that. That's good. Yeah. So, but I, I hate that. Yeah. It's just, it, I don't know if anyone is like, yay. You know, hard, hard times friends. Um,
Jennifer (13:18): There's hard things about friendships. Yeah. All right. Uh, what is your initial reaction to conflict in friendship?
Aaron (13:26): Uh, before I answer that, I feel like everyone's listening, these are probably what everyone is gonna relate to the most is these hard ones, which is kind of like, interesting to think about. Maybe I'm wrong, but, um, initial reaction to conflict. Uh, depending on the level of conflict. Cuz there's totally different gams. What's that? It's not even a word. I don't think. Uh, different like levels of conflict. Um, but when they're like hard conflicts, things that need to be dealt with, things that need to be flushed out and talked about. I think my first response is like, run away. Runaway. Maybe . Like, like I don't get that sense from you. I know, but I do, I feel like in this flesh it's like, I don't want to be here right now. I don't wanna have to deal with this. Why is this even here? Can
Jennifer (14:12): I tell you what I think your initial response is? Sure. I feel like it's, Well, what does the Bible say? Well, what is God saying? Well, what, And you always
Aaron (14:19): Bring it back. That's what I say out loud. inside though. I'm like trying to retreat into myself. But yes,
Jennifer (14:25): I, the word that I thought for myself, initial reaction to conflict is escape. Like you said, runaway. Just this is too hard. Yeah. Which I think is normal.
Aaron (14:35): It is. Cuz we,
Jennifer (14:36): But not that we should do it,
Aaron (14:37): It's, we want what, because really, we talked about this in a few episodes, a few episodes ago about living either in the past or constantly looking far ahead into the future mm-hmm. . And I feel like that retreat is, is less of a, I just want to escape the relationship, but more, more of a, I wanna run away to a time when this conflict didn't exist.
Jennifer (14:55): Yeah. Like, can I have a time machine and go back?
Aaron (14:57): Yeah. Can we, can we just like, just skip over this or go go back to where when it was like nice and comfortable and, and not hard. So I think, I think that's what the, that running feeling is. Yeah. That's my only, that's a guess. Okay. But,
Jennifer (15:12): So why are friends important to you? Why do you keep 'em around?
Aaron (15:15): Well, specifically speaking of this idea of friendships within the church, like walking in fellowship with other believers, um, it's, it's absolutely necessary. First of all, um, we can't, we can't be autonomous islands floating around. That's not what god, that's not what Jesus came to do is create a bunch of independent islands that float and he came to, to make a body, you know, and a bride. And so these friendships and the necessity of them and cultivating them and digging in and being transparent and working through the hard things mm-hmm. and, uh, it, they're just absolutely necessary in my opinion, to the body of Christ to us as individual believers.
Jennifer (15:59): So you keep mentioning, you know, having friends within the fellowship and within, uh, you know, church settings. But we're also like, this also ties into having that friend that you, that like your best friend, like someone who's very close to you or another couple who you guys walk to together with like, Right. Like you're, It's all encompassing.
Aaron (16:23): Yeah. There's, there's always gonna be, I feel like there's always gonna be like these, these circles and they, they kind of go out overlap. Yeah. And they overlap and, um, I feel like there's always gonna be probably that, that one or two friends that you feel the most comfortable going to, but often those are also the ones that end up having the hardest situations, I think cuz you're so close mm-hmm. and so intertwined. Um, but I think as a, as believers not just being, not, not just being satisfied, but not just saying that, Oh, I have my one friend and I don't need anyone else, Really, We need each, all everyone. And so learning to not just always lay the burden on that one friend or couple, but do doing that, making things known, but also knowing that we can go to others in the body Yeah. And, and use each other in a good way. Not a bad use, but,
Jennifer (17:16): Well, the question is, why are friends important to you? And that's what I was gonna say is, uh, what did you just say before? You said use, I got thrown off of that. Go to going to each other and you know, just having that friend that you can text and say, Hey, I'm having a down day. I need prayer for this, this, and this. And so I think friendship is important because it's, uh, supporting one another through life. It's experiencing life together. And I think God created us to walk in a place of unity in those types of relationships. Mm-hmm. . And so, I don't know. I get really encouraged by having friends in my life that are close to me so that I can reach out to them and talk with them and be encouraged Yeah. By them and encourage them. Yeah. It's like a back and forth.
Aaron (18:03): Well, and it's a, it's also important because it's one of the main ways that we practice being the church is to each other. Mm-hmm. , um, Jesus makes it very clear. And the, and the Bible itself makes it very clear that our unity, our oneness as a church, um, as a bride, as a body is a message to the world that says God sent Jesus and that Jesus rose from the dead. Mm-hmm. that like, that's what the Bible teachers. And so that, you know, our friend's important. Yes. It's not just that we have this, you know, surface level friend, we have deep real fellowship relationships mm-hmm. in the body of Christ to practice being Christ's body with.
Jennifer (18:43): Okay. So what do you think makes you a really good friend?
Aaron (18:47): Well, me personally, I am always a really good friend and, uh, actually contradicts exactly what I said in the beginning. That's why I'm learning how to be a good friend. . Um, what makes,
Jennifer (18:56): Like, what, what's unique about Aaron? If I was gonna have a friendship with Aaron, what?
Aaron (19:01): Oh, you literally wanna know what makes uniquely me a good friend. Yeah. Okay. Um, I think there's, I I have, if you were to ask the same question about like, the opposite of what makes me the bad
Jennifer (19:13): Friend, that's the next question is, what makes you a difficult friend? , do you answer that? Didn't notice that. Do you wanna answer that one first?
Aaron (19:19): Well, I was gonna say that I tie together, I have strengths and weaknesses. Okay. And some of my strengths when not used appropriately are my greatest weaknesses. And so I can be very strong and forward and, and, um, uh, what's the word? Uh, confident in my way of thinking. Mm-hmm. . But if I'm not careful, that comes off as arrogant and rude and I, and as if I'm not listening. I'm Jennifer, you've never experienced that in our marriage, have you? Mm-hmm. for me. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Probably not. Mm-hmm. , um, . But I, it comes off as as that. Um, but on the sa at the same time, that could, that's a, I think a, a good thing when I'm using it well Yeah. To exhort and to encourage and to remind my friends of the truth. Um, and I,
Jennifer (20:08): I think that's accurate. Yeah.
Aaron (20:10): There's another word, um, that I've always used is benefit of the doubt. Mm-hmm. is it, I've had seasons where I'm not that great at it, but giving the benefit of the doubt, trying to overlook offenses, trying to overlook, which has also gotten me in trouble. But that is something, like I said, greatest weakness, greatest strengths. Okay. I don't know, does that make sense? Is everyone listening? Like,
Jennifer (20:30): Yeah, I get that. If I was gonna answer this, when you're kind, kind of tying those two things together. Greatest weakness and struggle. Mm-hmm. , what came to my mind is I feel like I'm a really thoughtful friend. Like I have all these thoughts of like, Oh, that this thing would make a really good gift. You are for my friend. Or Okay. But my weakness is sometimes those thoughts stay thoughts and I'm not very good.
Aaron (20:52): They never come
Jennifer (20:53): Out of you. Well, I'm not, I'm not so great at the execution of my thoughts and my intentions. And so sometimes maybe I think I'm sticking up.
Aaron (21:02): You take the, it's the thought that counts to a whole new level. All I'm having is the thought . I'm
Jennifer (21:07): Just kidding. There are times that I do follow through and those are really great times. And if I could do it more, I think that's, that would be a good thing. Uh, but yeah, that's mm-hmm. , I don't know. Yeah. Okay.
Aaron (21:19): Yeah. And then there's times that you overthink,
Jennifer (21:22): Oh wait, something overthink. Yeah. I should, Yeah. . That's so true. Okay, moving on. Do you like the one on one time or group time? So this would be like, Hey, I'm gonna go have coffee with my best friend. Or us as a couple are gonna go hang out with this couple, or this family's gonna hang out with our family. What do you like All the
Aaron (21:41): Above?
Jennifer (21:41): Yeah, I know you do.
Aaron (21:42): So I can You love your friends. I like all of it. I like the one on one time. Like I said, I just got to go on a, a quick trip round trip with my friend Cody. And those are always really awesome times cuz we just get to talk and kind of download and vent and share and encourage and, and just remind each other of things that we've may have forgotten about, um, and in our lives. And um, so that's really good. Helps me. It's, that's, I feel like that's an easier, uh, thing to do. Mm-hmm. . Cause it's only engaging with one person. But I also just love group time and group conversations cause I'm there. Um, I usually get into trouble in the group times cause of the way I communicate. That's,
Jennifer (22:22): I like all of it too. All the above. That's an easy answer.
Aaron (22:24): You like the um, the one time when you get just me, just you
Jennifer (22:30): Two. I am my best friend. Yeah. No. Um, okay. What is your favorite thing to do together with friends?
Aaron (22:37): Um, go to dinner. . I like eating good food with my friends.
Jennifer (22:43): That's fun.
Aaron (22:44): That's a real thing. I do
Jennifer (22:45): . I like it when our friends come over for dinner cuz then all the kids just play and it's easy.
Aaron (22:50): That's true. and I love it. And
Jennifer (22:53): Also like, camping with friends.
Aaron (22:54): You know what we, I remember we used to not like, we were so apprehensive about camping in the beginning , but we have, we've fallen in love with camping and it's so much fun with friends. Yeah.
Jennifer (23:03): Because our kids are getting older too. Like our kids make it really fun.
Aaron (23:05): Yeah. Cuz they go do fun things and get dirty and it's awesome. Yeah. So I just, I wanna get into this idea of like, do we even need these deep relational friendships that, that like this fellowship with one another, This idea of like, do we need that or is it okay to just have surface level relationships?
Jennifer (23:24): Well, I'm gonna start with a verse Proverbs 1824 says, A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Aaron (23:33): Um, so you actually removed my other verse that was on here. I had two versions of this. Yeah. There was a,
Jennifer (23:39): Maybe I left it down here.
Aaron (23:41): Did you? Cuz I wanna read both of them
Jennifer (23:43): Right here.
Aaron (23:44): So this is the new, the new King James version of that same verse says, and I, I'm just surprised at how different they're, But there's a reason a man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Jennifer (23:59): Okay. That is way different. And I was, I was looking at this verse thinking, Okay, if I have too many friends then I'm gonna ruin everything. But if I have just like one or two close friends, then that'd be really good. So I was maybe reading into
Aaron (24:13): This is, no, this is exactly why I wanted to share both versions of it. Cuz I was, I was trying to distinguish and understand why they're both there. Cuz they do sound so different. But they're not comp they're not contradictory. Yeah. What it's saying is that if a man of many companions may come to ruin this idea of you have a lot of people in your life, but no depth, you're, you're gonna come to ruin. And then the other version says, if you have friends, you must be friendly. The idea is like, how are you investing in these, not just companions, not just people that walk next to you, like you're, you know, let's go for a walk. But like people that you actually engage with. Um, and so I think both have a, it's, it's why it's a good reason to, to look into multiple versions of script of the Bible. It helps you get a bit more round idea of the, the topics. But they both essentially mean the same thing. You can't just have a bunch of people in your life that you have no relationship with. Those are just companions and you're, you actually are alone being deceived thinking you have friends,
Jennifer (25:16): But, but the word friend, like that means something. It's special. Yeah. It's not just a neighbor, it's just, it's not just someone you know that you see every once in a while. Mm-hmm.
Aaron (25:26): . Well, Jesus calls us his friends, he says, You're no longer servants, you're my friends. Mm-hmm. . And if you were servants, I wouldn't tell you, you know what I am discussing with my father, but since you're my friends, I share freely with you. Mm-hmm. , Jesus even displays this idea. Like when you, you're not just having this service level relationship, you're known, you're, you're opening up and being known and sharing mm-hmm. with one another. And so I would say we absolutely need deep friendships. Jennifer and I were kind of having a little back and forth on this in the beginning of like, our friendships actually necessary. And I, I think it's an absolute, like, I don't think you can do without it.
Jennifer (26:09): And I was say in the church, I wasn't disagreeing with you, I was saying for the sake of our listeners, if there are people who for whatever reason, don't have deep friendships, I didn't want anyone to feel like, What do you mean they're necessary? You know, like I, I want, I want there to be understanding and love and peace and Well,
Aaron (26:25): And I do understand that. And my heart would be that those people would long for that. Yeah. And find that and find that connection and, and be plugged in. Yeah. That's like a term that a lot of churches use. Be plugged in. What, what does that mean? Plugged into what? The body, the body of Christ. Um, First John, the, the majority of that, the first couple chapters of that is about how we love each other. And if we walk in the light, then we have fellowship with one another. And if we don't, then we're deceiving ourselves and we're liars. And the truth is not in us. Um, Jesus even he prays specifically for his, for the, for the disciples and for those who believe in his name, because of the disciples that we would be one just as Jesus and the Father are one. So you can't be one with the body and not have and, and not be friends with the body.
(27:12): Mm-hmm. . You can't be one with the body and be a floating island that has no, no depth of relationship. No one knows you, no one gets to dig into your life and you dig into their life. That's, that's not, that's not reality. That's called a free radical. Like if we're thinking body, like when you have a cell that's just kind of moving around and not doing what it's supposed to do. Mm-hmm. . So I, I would say fr deep, deep friendships and relationships and fellowship in the body are absolutely, uh, and necessity. I'm sure there can, people can disagree with me, but that's my, my my feeling on this .
Jennifer (27:46): Okay. Um, okay. Well, cultivating deep friendship is not an easy, uh, task. It's not, it's not, it doesn't come natural for all. So, you know, how do people do this? How do they cultivate a deep relationship? A friendship, Especially when, you know, it's not easy to relate to each other or there's differences.
Aaron (28:10): Yeah. I, It's hard. . I think, uh, I think the first thing we need to recognize is that if we're going into frien, if we're looking for friendships for merely what I'm going to get out of it.
Jennifer (28:23): Yeah. Like, is this person gonna benefit me? Bless me, serve me, love
Aaron (28:27): Me. Yeah. They, they match my personality. They're in my same life stage, which those are good things and those help create friendships. But if all you're looking for is they make me feel comfortable. They, they bless me when I'm around them. I feel good. Which I'm not saying those are bad things, but if that's all we're looking for, the moment that changes what happens mm-hmm. , you're gonna assume, well, this is no longer for
Jennifer (28:49): Me. Or if you meet someone that has the potential to be a close friend, but you put up a wall because it's immediately difficult or there's differences or,
Aaron (28:58): Or you're afraid of difficulty or different, like you're defen, you're defensive against them, then you'll never, I don't wanna be hurt.
Jennifer (29:04): Yeah. Then you'll never know or invest in that potential relationship.
Aaron (29:09): Yeah. I think about Jesus and he invited 12 men to follow him for three years. They eight, slept, laughed, worked, traveled, fought . Yeah. Uh, ran from mobs, prayed over. People saw miracles. One of those men was Judas. Jesus invited Judas knowing full well who he was and what was gonna take place in his heart. And I think sometimes we, if all we have is a selfish motivation of our friendships, then there's always gonna be be this, this protection of only as long as I don't get hurt. Hmm. But what that's saying is, is don't ever do anything to hurt me otherwise.
Jennifer (29:51): Yeah. We kind of have that perspective in marriage sometimes we have that wall of absolutely like, Don't hurt me, don't touch me. Don't do that or else, you know. Yeah.
Aaron (30:01): And I, and it's okay to not wanna be hurt. No one likes being hurt. Jesus wasn't excited about being hurt, but he did it out of obedience to cr to God. He did it for his bride. And so that, that's where the sacrificial love mm-hmm. comes in and I, I wrote up here, how do we move past the honeymoon stage? Mm-hmm. of friendships and he brought up marriage. There's a honeymoon phase of like, everything's fun and beautiful and, and lights and easy and exciting and new. And then you, you that slowly fades away when reality had said, people don't have time to for you like you want them to. Well
Jennifer (30:38): There's that friction
Aaron (30:38): Or they forget about you because of things going on in their life. Or like the, these are real things or there's an actual offense. Yeah. You did something, said something, they did something, said something. And that honeymoon phase is it just dissipates. And then you actually are stuck with like, am I going to still love this person? Am I going to pumble myself and ask for forgiveness?
Jennifer (31:04): What have we experienced when we've moved past that honeymoon stage in our friendships with others and have overcome the conflict or the hardship or the challenges? Well, I think, what
Aaron (31:15): Do you experience? I think just like marriage, like the longer you're in it, the more, the more we overcome these difficulties, these hardships, you look back and you have a more vibrant, more strong, more trusting, more powerful marriage. I think that's the same with, with our relationships in the church, with, with other believers, with friend, with our friends is you, you become stronger for it. You, you there. There's a, I think if, if you, if we can get past these hard things in love and forgive and not just kind of pretend and hide mm-hmm. , but like actually like address and actually deal with and actually reconcile, there's, I think those friendships become stronger. Mm-hmm. , that's, I think that's the ideal perspective.
Jennifer (32:00): So, so in marriage when you know there's conflict or you know, difficulties, you kind of have that whole covenant thing to hold you together and be like, well, we're married. So a good point. We got to do this. Where in friendships sometimes, and maybe I'm the only one here, I doubt it. You get tempted to think, well I can let this go. Well I don't have to because I'm not in a covenant. So how do you take those things that come up and you know, your flesh tries to justify, like, is this a sign that we shouldn't be hanging out together or is this some sort of, you know, warning or, you know, does God really want me to fill in the blank? Yeah.
Aaron (32:41): Can you answer that? Well, I think there's uh, there's definitely not the same covenantal relationship that a husband and wife has where you, you don't have that. Same thing with friends. We do have a level of obligation as Christians. It says, you know, oh no and no and oh no. And anything except the outstanding debt of love to one another. So we do out of o obligation in the body of Christ that we are to love one each one another. Um,
Jennifer (33:05): But with that you're saying don't give up easily,
Aaron (33:07): Don't you? I would, yeah. I would say our, our, our, I would say currently in general, the disposition is yeah, easily give up. Like, I'm gonna move on. I'm not, and this probably people in here that are like, no, I, I fight. And so I, I I think there are that, those people in the church. But I would say it's definitely easier in our flesh to wanna avoid, wanna move on, wanna not have to deal with the messiness. Especially with everything else in our life that we have to deal with. So not making it easy because we love that other person mm-hmm. , right? So we don't just first offense like, oh, I'm outta here, but like, we like, hey, I wanna actually walk with this person cause I love them cuz maybe they didn't recognize it, maybe they didn't know. But I also wanna say there are times when we do get to walk, we should walk away from certain relationships. We can still love them in Christ. We can still want the best for them. We can still pray for them. But like having a but at a distance,
Jennifer (33:58): Like having a healthy boundary, knowing that for whatever reason that specific relationship is, is toxic in a way or is, is not healthy.
Aaron (34:07): Well, but only after trying
Jennifer (34:09): To testing it.
Aaron (34:10): Cause it tells the word also says do everything you can that within your power to be at peace Right. With all men. So if you, that doesn't mean you can't, or that doesn't mean you can what the everyone mm-hmm. . Yeah. So if you've tried, if you've, if you've attempted, if you've prayed through it, if you've, if you've walked through it and you, and you're like, you know what, this is nothing's changing, then I would, I I would say absolutely. Like there's, there's good, good cause to separate Yeah. From a relationship. Like there's no covenantal obligation. But I think as believers that we, we shouldn't make it easy to do
Jennifer (34:43): That. Can I throw you a curve ball?
Aaron (34:44): Absolutely.
Jennifer (34:45): Maybe I'm the only one thinking this. Maybe not. So what happens if, let's say you and I have a friendship with another couple or family and I'm finding it difficult and I'm pulling away saying, I really don't think that we should, you know, continue on in this relationship, but you are really, um, excited to carry on the relationship and build that friendship. And so it becomes a thing between us and the marriage. You know, when, when there's one spouse for it and one spouse that's not for it. How do you navigate that?
Aaron (35:17): That's a hard one. Um, I, I, I, I, I'm first and foremost, there should be prior to given to your spouse. And so there should be lots of discussion and prayer about those relationships and what that means. Yeah. So I don't have a cut and dry answer of like, That's good. I just want bring another Yeah.
Jennifer (35:34): Prayer, discernment. Yep.
Aaron (35:36): Sometimes fasting, and just lots of prayer, uh, to make things work sometimes.
Jennifer (35:42): Okay. Since I'm really good at asking questions. Here's the next one. , Can we get too comfortable in our friendships? What does that mean? , you're just going through the motions of like
Aaron (35:53): Well, I think the comfort, um, I, I think there could be a level of forgetfulness. Yeah. Like we just assume like, Oh, they're great, We're great, Everything's great. They're busy. I'm busy. Okay,
Jennifer (36:05): Cool. What's really hard about that is come to find out for months they've been suffering or struggling or, and there wasn't open communication and why was that happening? Uh, but one thing that we really wanted to share with you guys today is an encouragement, uh, to ask deep questions in your friendships. Be willing to ask how are you really doing? And pressing into that. Mm-hmm. , how is your marriage doing? How's parenting going?
Aaron (36:29): Yeah. I had, I had lunch with the friends today and the first thing, How's your marriage ? That was the first thing he said to me.
Jennifer (36:34): . And, and then being honest to respond. You know, Um, how is your relationship with God? Is there any sin in your life that you're struggling with? How can I be praying for you? Yeah. Like, these are questions that you can't just say yes or no to. They have to be explained. And I think what makes asking these questions hard to do is if you're not willing to share on the other end to be asked in reciprocation. So think about these before you ask them, but be willing to ask them, which means you're willing to answer them.
Aaron (37:03): . Yeah. And I think we can also get too comfortable in a way, not just necessarily asking important questions, but I think we can also at times speak to our friends maybe in a inconsiderate way, maybe cuz we're so comfortable. We're kind of just like, we just, we're speaking, we're, we're venting. We're, we've had that forgetting that they're, they're people mm-hmm. that here are the things that we're saying and receive them. And I think that could happen. I, again, I, that's one of my weaknesses is my, the, my tongue, the way I, the way I speak sometimes. Mm-hmm. can hurt people. So this next one, um, I'm gonna ask and, and also give an answer to it. Um, because I, I think it's, in the church it can be easy and in actually in real life, in any part of life, to connect the quickest and the closest and the, and the most intimate with people similar to us, they think like us, they're in similar life stages. Kinda makes it easy. It it's very easy. Um, but what, how do we as the church, recognize that we can also pursue relationships and friendships in the church with people who love God, who aren't exactly like us
Jennifer (38:19): Mm-hmm. and enjoy those friendships
Aaron (38:21): And enjoy them. Yeah. Um, and I'm, I'm thinking like maybe they have a slightly different worldview. Uh, maybe they have slightly different perspectives on and biblical beliefs. Mm-hmm. because that, this is just the reality in the church. There's so many different Yeah. Like caveats Yeah. That people have. Um, and I'm not saying on the main things, but I'm saying like the little details, um, can we have deep friendships with those people? Should we be having our minds on those people and thinking, I'm gonna go out of my way cuz I want to get to know this brother for the same purposes. I'd get to know any other person mm-hmm. in the church. I
Jennifer (38:57): Think everyone's shaking their head in agreement, but also thinking, Wow, that's hard. , you know, that's Yeah. Extra.
Aaron (39:04): Yeah. There's a, there's a few verses I wanted to read cuz I, I do think we should, I think, I think we should at times and often go out of our way, out of our comfort zones mm-hmm. to befriend and to walk with and have fellowship with oth all in the church as much as we can. We may not be able to have deep, intimate relationships with everyone, but we should at least try. Mm-hmm. , we should at least reach out, see how people are doing, connect, be friends with.
Jennifer (39:29): That was the example that Jesus gave to us. Like he didn't do his ministry by himself. He invited others to, to come alongside him.
Aaron (39:37): Oh mean, Yeah. Even even duns of the little children. Yeah. The, the disciples like, get these children out here. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let the little ones come to me. . Uh, so second Corinthians 13, 11. Finally, brothers rejoice aim for restoration, comfort one another. Um, and in the new King James version that says, um, strive for harmony instead of aim for restoration, but strive for harmony, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace and the God of love and peace will be with you. And then in Philippians 1 27, only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ. So that whether I come and see you, or I am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel. I think that this is should be the, the baseline disposition for us as Christians in the church.
(40:31): That we don't just, Well I have my, my handful of close friends because we're all in the same life stage. It's this very, this is easy. That's good to have that. But that we, we see the others in the church that aren't like us. We see the others in the church that are in different life stages than us. We see that people in the church that are different age ages as us and we say, I wanna be with one spirit with them. Mm-hmm. and I wanna strive side by side with them for the faith of the gospel. Mm-hmm.
Jennifer (40:58): , the verse that comes to my mind when you are saying this is um, like iron sharpens iron mm-hmm. and how the coming together of friendships really stirs one another up to understand more about life and about God's word and about what's happening. And I'm just always encouraged by what it means when friends come together and experience that. Yeah.
Aaron (41:23): In faith, and I know we talk about this in a way that like, almost like we've figured it out. I promise you we have not. It's something that God is constantly teaching us things and constantly, even today we're talking about our relationships and saying, Lord, how, how do we cultivate these better? Mm-hmm. . And so, um, my friend Cody also mentioned a, a idea for this topic is what kind of example are we showing to our children? Yeah. On how to be good friends mm-hmm. . And so we just wanted to, this is for all of us. It's not just to our children, but these are some things that we can be practicing in front of our kids with our, our friends. Mm-hmm. , um, things like learn to apologize quickly, which, which in turn means that we recognize that we need to apologize. Not just being oblivious to our, our ways of being and
Jennifer (42:15): Forgive. Yeah.
Aaron (42:16): Forgiving. Yeah. Cuz we tell our, our kids all the time, Forgive your brother, apologize to your brother , um, being patient, are we patient with our friends or are we short and like, oh, you don't mess up again or else, or, or I can't believe you did that, but are we patient? Like, oh, maybe they just had a hard day. Oh maybe they didn't mean that. Mm-hmm. , like that benefit the doubt
Jennifer (42:36): Thing. I would also add showing them, um, how to invest and make time for friends. Like having them over for dinner or helping them in an emergency. You know, like those types of experiences always make me feel closer to another friend when we can rely on each other or make plans together. Um, hearing randomly from each other and, and when you can just be in each other's presence without that obligation of feeling like you have to entertain or host mm-hmm. , you can be yourself and be loved. Like the, the kids are paying attention to all of
Aaron (43:05): That. And speaking of example to our children, um, the example that we could be giving to our friends is when we, when we walk in these things, we're being an example of how we would want them to be a friend to us. Mm-hmm. , that whole golden rule thing. Yeah. Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto, unto you. If you would want them to recognize quickly that they need to apologize, then do that. If you would want them to be patient with you, then be patient with them. If you would want them to reach out to you and check on you, reach out to them and check on them. Reach out and say how, what's going on? How are you doing? Can we catch up? Can we get lunch? Can I bring you a coffee? If you would want someone to bring you a treat and just remind you that they love you, do that.
(43:48): Mm-hmm. . Um, and then the last piece I wanna add to this is we've dealt with this. When we go through hard things, when we are struggling with a sin, when we're struggling with, uh, frustrations, angers, anxieties, all these things, it's easy to to, to retreat into ourselves. Isolate, isolate. But the, we should do the very opposite. We should because we always think like you're going through something, why didn't you tell me? But, and then we have a hard time doing it. We can be an example in reaching out and saying, I'm struggling today. I'm mad at my husband, I'm frustrated with my wife. I need prayer in this area. And I'm not saying do it to gossip cuz that some people are probably listening saying, Wait a minute. I'm saying, if you have those close friends that you trust and, and that we would reach out and say, I'm not okay right now, Please pray for me, or please come over, or can I come over? And that shows an example of what we would love for them to do because we would, if you, if you truly love someone, you want them to let you know when they're having a hard day, when they're struggling. So you can be like, Hey, how can I help? So I just wanted to end with that little bit.
Jennifer (44:57): That's good. Um, if I was gonna end with something I was gonna say, and, and obviously our kids are still young, so I don't have the fruit of this to prove to you guys or anything like that, but something that I really care about is that my friend, my kids feel like they have friendships within, uh, the each of their re relationships with each other. And so if you're a parent of multiples, um, knowing that you have an opportunity every day to set the vision for your kids of what friendship can look like when they're older. And that can be as simple as saying things like, you know, when you're older, you're gonna call up your brother and ask 'em to go to lunch with you. And just giving them like this anticipation for what friendship will be like when they're older and, and encouraging them to start now by how they communicate and how they interact with each other. And I've been trying to do that in our kids' relationship. So again, I don't know what will come of it, but I think we're all pretty friendly in our family. We're
Aaron (45:54): Trying. Yeah.
Jennifer (45:55): So
Aaron (45:56): We, we have our days, so we hope that encourage you guys. It was just a quick conversation about friendships, um, quick. It's like 40 minutes or something like that. .
Jennifer (46:05): But it has been a message that has been a core value of ours and a message that we've promoted over the years, just amongst friends that yeah, we should be cultivating these relationships. It's a, it's important thing to us. Yeah.
Aaron (46:19): So why don't we transition into the challenge and then we'll pray for you guys. All
Jennifer (46:22): Right. Well, um, it's called a weekly challenge because it is challenging. So , if you didn't make it through last week's challenge, that's okay. No one's gonna judge you. , we
Aaron (46:31): Forgive
Jennifer (46:32): You. We also did not make it through last week's challenge, but that's okay. So, um, we just wanna encourage you to take up this week's challenge and see what comes of it.
Aaron (46:42): Maybe add on last week's challenge too, and just keep it going. There
Jennifer (46:46): You go. We don't wanna burden you guys. , take from it what you can. Uh, this week's challenge can be done with your spouse or you can do it together with some of your friends. But it's just initiate a deep conversation, share about fears or doubts, share about your dreams for your marriage or your family. Um, share about what God's been teaching you or showing you through his word.
Aaron (47:07): Love it. It's a good challenge. It's good.
Jennifer (47:09): It's it.
Aaron (47:10): So babe, why don't you pray, press Okay.
Jennifer (47:13): Dear Lord, Thank you for the gift of friendship. We pray we would grow in our ability and willingness to invest in our friendships. We pray we would cultivate our friendships as we care for others and share our lives together. We pray we would be a light to our friends and seek to be a blessing as we choose to serve them. Lord, please show us how we can be praying for our friends. Please show us how we can be encouraging our friends when conflict or uncomfortable discussions arise. We pray our Holy Spirit would help us navigate these situations with grace and love. We pray we will always communicate in love with our friends. We pray for good friends who we can rely on and we pray that we would be reliable Friends when we feel insecure in our friendships, please lead us in finding peace in those relationships. We pray your will would be done in us and through us. In Jesus name, Amen. Thank you for joining us for another episode of the Marriage After God podcast.
Aaron (48:01): If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends.
Jennifer (48:07): Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review, reviews help to spread the word about our podcast.
Aaron (48:12): Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and you can always check out more of our resources@marriageaftergod.com.
Jennifer (48:18): You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram at marriage after God at Husband Revolution and at Unveiled Wife.
Aaron (48:26): We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on the Marriage After God podcast.
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| 05 Jun 2019 | It's Time To Say Yes To God | 00:23:51 | |
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| 14 May 2024 | The connection between the Jewish temple and the Church | 00:47:43 | |
In today's episode, we will discover the profound connections between the Jewish Temples and the Christian Church, exploring their significance both scripturally and in our lives. Join us as we unravel the historical context of these sacred spaces and discuss how they relate to the broader narrative of God's plan for humanity. We start with a look at the Old Testament and the pivotal role of the Jewish Temple, from its inception as the Tabernacle in the wilderness to the grand temples built under Solomon and Herod. looking into the symbolism tied to these structures, we illustrate how they echo the Garden of Eden and represent God's presence among His people. Transitioning to the New Testament, we explore how the concept of the Temple evolves to include the Church—encompassing all believers, Jew and Gentile alike, as a holy temple in the Lord. We examine scriptural prophecies that highlight the inclusive nature of God's covenant and the ultimate role of the Church as a unifying force among nations. Throughout this journey, we incorporate insights from the Bible Project and touch on pivotal scriptures from Chronicles, Genesis, Isaiah, and the teachings of the New Testament that affirm the foundational roles of the Temple and the Church. Please support our mission by subscribing to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify. Your ratings and reviews help us reach new audiences and continue our work. Let's cultivate marriages that boldly chase after God’s will, together. Topics Discussed in the Episode:
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| 18 May 2023 | Sacred Intercession: The Power of Praying for Your husband | 00:42:30 | |
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Oswald Chambers once said, “We tend to use prayer as a last resort, but God wants it to be our first line of defense. We pray when there's nothing else we can do, but God wants us to pray before we do anything at all.” Often times we pray in the midst of our despair when we have exhausted all of our own wisdom and strength. When we don’t know what else to do. We finally humble ourselves and go to the one we hope will deliver us from the storm. What would our marriages look like and experience if we committed to a habit of prayer, surrendering to the Lord before any storm, listening to Him and letting Him lead us day in and day out, with our eyes set on Him?
Dear Lord, Thank You for our marriage. Thank you for the special relationship we get to experience and cultivate. We pray we would be intentional in how we love each other. We pray we would be courageous and bold in praying for one another. We pray we would feel inspired to pray all throughout the day for each other. In moments we feel great need or when we feel frustrated in marriage, please remind us and lead us to pray for our relationship. Thank You for the gift of prayer. We pray we would honor you by praying for each other often. In Jesus’ name AMEN! Connect With Us
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| 15 Jul 2019 | Right When I was Ready To Give Up on My Wife, God Changed My Heart! | 00:34:26 | |
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| 13 Feb 2024 | Words Build & Shape: If We Have The Same Words In Marriage, We Can Accomplish Anything | 01:01:00 | |
In this episode, we explore the incredible power words have to our world and our marriage, tracing this truth back to the creation story. Just as God spoke the world into being, the enemy tempted and deceived using words. We see through stories like the Tower of Babel how unified language and common words allowed people to accomplish anything. And how having the same words in our marriage can allow us to accomplish anything in our marriages. The printing press revolution spread ideas widely and the Bible was translated into common tongues. Shared words and meanings are key for communication and progress. Today, definitions are shifting as words are redefined contrary to their original intent, causing breakdown in society. Whose words are we listening to and repeating? Do toxic words from the world and the enemy fill our minds? Or are we saturating our hearts with God's living, life-giving words? What we continually speak and believe directs our perception, relationships and future. Next we'll explore how words impact more than our marriages, they affect everything!Main Topics:
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| 19 Sep 2018 | How People Pleasing Will Hurt You And Your Marriage and stop your ministry | 00:32:53 | |
Are you a people pleaser? People pleasing is a very common issue in many peoples lives including ours. Maybe we do it because we are insecure, or fearful of what others might think of us. Maybe we try and please people for selfish reasons, whatever the reason we do it we must realize that it is damaging and will hinder you from being able to truly minister to those in your life. in today's episode, we discuss the 3 reasons we believe people might be tempted to become people pleasers and where it comes from and how it can hurt our marriages and how it hurts our ministries.
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| 16 Jun 2020 | The Promises Of God | 00:45:14 | |
Do you feel weak or powerless? Do you feel like you can't walk in freedom? If that is you today We want to encourage you from the word of God. http://parentingprayerchallenge.com 2 Peter 1:3-4 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 17 Feb 2020 | How Love Covers A Multitude Of Sins | 00:47:54 | |
This devotional episode is based on 1 Peter 4:7-11. We wanted to share how Love covers a multitude of sins and why it is so important that we love with this level of eagerness. 1 Peter 4:7-11 The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. 8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. PrayerDear Lord, We lift up our hearts to you right now and ask that you would make us a people who love others earnestly. Holy Spirit direct our hearts and remind us of your word. We pray we would above all things love others. We pray we would love our spouse, our children, our friends, and those who are in our life. May your love pour out of us. May your love pouring out of us transform our marriages. We pray others would be impacted by the love we share. We pray we would be able to love so deeply that it covers a multitude of sin. We pray that instead of shame or guilt, people would feel undoubtedly loved by us and by you. We pray for your word to be fulfilled through our choices to walk in love and that your will would be done. In Jesus’ name, amen!
READ TRANSCRIPT - [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, with "Marriage After God."
- [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
- [Aaron] And today we're gonna talk about how love covers a multitude of sin. Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
- [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife.
- [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution.
- [Jennifer] We have been married over a decade.
- [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children.
- [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
- [Aaron] With a desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
- [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life,
- Love,
- And power,
- [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God,
- [Jennifer] Together.
- [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
- [Jennifer] This is "Marriage After God." Okay Aaron, so we, we survived kind of a hard week.
- [Aaron] We did survive.
- I mean,
- We're barely coming on
- Our kids survived.
- The other side of it, yes.
- [Jennifer] But we're not the only ones going through this, so we thought we would just give you guys a little update of our family and hopefully encourage some of you out there who it might be hitting as well.
- [Aaron] Yeah, our whole family got the flu. It was bad, but not bad. It was kind of a weird thing.
- [Jennifer] Well, I'll say this, the Lord spared me and gave me the grace to be able to help everyone. 'Cause I felt--
- And you didn't even really get sick, you got some of the, like you felt sick.
- Yeah you know the gut pain?
- [Aaron] But you didn't have any other symptoms, which was awesome.
- And the rosy cheeks. I felt like every once in a while, like I really don't feel good right now, I need to go lay down, but for the most part, I was able to be there to help everyone. Which made me really nervous, because people were, you and the kids were throwing up and I just thought, me, at this stage of the game in pregnancy, throwing up would not go over well with my body.
- No and so--
- That woulda been terrible.
- [Aaron] We're definitely thanking God, which we did a lot of, oddly. But not to be too graphic, but I'm pretty sure I put a rib out from how hard I was throwing up.
- [Jennifer] That sucks.
- [Aaron] Yeah, it still is really sore. But, what's awesome is, a couple of things, I just wanna praise you Jennifer, because I feel like you handled everyone being sick, and the inconvenience of it so well. I think I even told you, I was like, "I can tell you're walking in the spirit." Like your attitude was good, how much cleaning had to be done.
- [Jennifer] It was a lot of work.
- [Aaron] It's no fun when literally all the boys are throwing up and it's like, there's no clean blankets.
- [Jennifer] It's all at the same time.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so we, but we survived, we're coming on the other side of that. But one thing we practiced, I don't think we've ever done it before, not that we're not thankful to God.
- [Jennifer] Not in this kind of circumstance, it's not at the forefront of our minds.
- [Aaron] I did a post a couple weeks ago encouraging men to thank God for everything, if they get cut off in traffic, if something bad happens, even--
- [Jennifer] You didn't say if your whole family comes down with sickness, did you?
- [Aaron] I know, if something good happens, I just said, say, whatever it is that happens today, thank God for it. And I tried practicing that. And so I'm literally in the fetal position in the bathtub, and I'm trying to thank God. I'm like, "Okay God, thank you. "Thank you for being sick." And I was like, why am I thanking God for this? Well, thank you for reminding me that I'm human. Like I'm fragile. Thank you for reminding me that one day I'm not gonna have this sickness.
- [Jennifer] Or that we need to pray.
- [Aaron] Yeah thank you for reminding,
- Ask him.
- Humbling me, showing me that my weakness. So there was a lot of things to thank God for for being sick, and I directly thanked God for being sick. And then we of course have thanked God for healing us and sparing our family from being even worse, 'cause it probably could have been worse.
- [Jennifer] Something that really stood out to me is I didn't know you had this perspective kind of going into everyone being sick, and I wouldn't say I was there with you in those beginning moments, but you brought the family to the living room, and you said, "You know what, we're gonna pray, "and we're just gonna thank God today." And I think even one of the kids asked, "Why are we thanking God?"
- [Aaron] Doesn't make any sense.
- [Jennifer] But I was questioning it in my own heart too, like, okay, where's this going? But it was so beautiful to hear your prayer and you starting out saying, "God, thank you for this sickness." And it was humbling for me and for my heart to go, "oh yeah" you know? And to have that perspective before him. And then, I gotta share this other experience is just a friend of mine who, their family also got it really bad.
- [Aaron] Pretty much our whole church got sick.
- [Jennifer] But I met up with her for coffee when it was all past and she goes, "You know I just found, we found our whole family "just worshiping God through it." And it was so cool, kinda the same thing. And I said, "I didn't really worship him through it, "but at the end of all the laundry being done, "all the bathrooms being cleaned, "and having taken a shower, I came out singing "'Victory in Jesus' so, that was awesome."
- [Aaron] But it is worship. Thanking God is worship. So whatever he gives, I think Job says it, "Should we not thank God for the good and the evil?" Like the bad things that happen? We thank God for those too, because he's God and he deserves our thanksgiving. And at the end of the day, salvation is so much greater than anything that we can go through. So, at minimum you can be like, "God, thank you so much "that one day I'm gonna be with you." That is so good.
- [Jennifer] So if your family happens to get hit by whatever bug this is,
- [Aaron] It's going around, yeah.
- [Jennifer] Whatever's going around, we just wanted to encourage you guys to move forward with a thankful heart and to trust God and to be prayerful. And also just to be patient, because we know it's an inconvenience, we know it's hard, it takes away from your work schedule, it takes away from things on your to-do list that maybe you were hoping to do or whatever it is. We know it's hard, but if God's allowing it to happen, we can trust him and walk through it with him.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so that was just a little update on our flu campaign. But we wanna encourage you. We have a new challenge. We've been doing a lot of these lately, a lot of new downloads and challenges and free things that you guys can get from us. And our new one's called the parentingprayerchallenge.com. We launched it last week and this week you get to do it. We're still encouraging parents to sign up to pray for either their daughter or their son or both. So if you haven't signed up for the Parenting Prayer Challenge, it's completely free. We're gonna send you 31 prompts every day, encouraging you to pray for different things for your child.
- Over 31 days.
- Over 31 days.
- [Jennifer] Not 31 emails in one day.
- [Aaron] Yeah, that's happened one time. Yeah, one a day, and the whole idea is that at the end of the 31 days you've built a habit of praying for your children. I'm sure all you parents love to pray for your children, but we just wanted to give this resource to encourage you to pray more, to pray deeper, to pray more consistently and give you ideas on what other things to pray for for your kids.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, and I'll add this, it goes hand in hand with our books, "31 prayers for your son and for your daughter." And if you have those books, oh this'll be an incredible reminder. It's kinda like an alarm, right? Because your email comes through and then you're like, "Oh yeah." So you can get the book and go along with it that way too.
- [Aaron] Mm-hmm, so parentingprayerchallenge.com, all one word, spelled the way you would think it's spelled. And sign up for free today. All right guys, we've been doing this new thing, we've mentioned it a few times this season. We're trying to do a marriage episode, we're doing a devotional style episode, a Q&A, we're trying to give a little bit more diversity on the kinds of things we're bringing up and this episode's gonna be a devotional style. We're gonna talk about some scripture. And something that we've been learning, something that I taught on at church. And so we hope it encourages you and why don't you, Jennifer start off by reading--
- [Jennifer] Oh, I was gonna sit back and let you teach for 30 minutes, yeah.
- [Aaron] Oh, I'll just do it? No.
- Go for it.
- [Aaron] Why don't you read the scripture that we're gonna be talking about,
- Okay.
- And then we'll go into it.
- [Jennifer] So it's 1 Peter 4:7-11 and it says this, "The end of all things is at hand, "therefore be self controlled "and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly "since love covers a multitude of sins."
- [Aaron] This is a great scripture in 1 Peter and we're excited to talk about it and what it means for us as believers, not only in our marriages, but just in life in general and walking in the body of Christ. And the power that is in our love for one another. And what that means and looks like. So we're gonna dig into this, these few scriptures, and kinda break it down and talk about some stuff and Jennifer you might have some questions. But we're just gonna break it down and see how this applies to us in our life. So the first thing I wanna point out is where our perspective should be. And Jennifer you read it, the very first thing it says in verse seven is "The end of all things is at hand."
- [Jennifer] I feel like there should be an exclamation mark.
- [Aaron] And it's almost is, it's a semicolon which says everything I'm about to say is attached to this statement. The end of all things is at hand, and so, we can easily, quickly think this is talking about Jesus coming back, or the end of days, right? But in the New Testament when it talks about the end of days or all things at hand or the end of the generation, it's mostly talking about all of the things that needed to take place, they needed to occur for the salvation story, for redemption, God's plan for redemption that he's been planning and preparing since Adam and Eve in the garden. And so, when Peter says the end of all things is at hand, he's saying that essentially, Christ has been born, he's died, and he's resurrected.
- [Jennifer] Like we have what we need.
- [Aaron] The thing that God has planned to take place has taken place.
- Yeah.
- [Aaron] Which means a lot. It means that we can now draw near to God. It means that we now can have salvation and a right relationship with God. Because without the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and his ascension and him sending the holy spirit there is no, like we can't be made right with God. So all of those things, the end of all things is at hand. The end of everything that God planned for salvation has been done, as Jesus says on the cross, it is finished. So it didn't necessarily mean that hey, the end of the world is tomorrow. But it's also an allusion, it alludes to Christ returning. Because now that the church age has begun, the spirit is living in man, we're made right with God, the bride of Christ is growing, we have an expectation of Christ's return. So we're in this imminent return zone. Like at any moment Christ can come back.
- [Jennifer] And we are, we're called to walk a certain way.
- [Aaron] Yeah. And so that's kinda, he starts off these statements with here's how you should be thinking. Realize first and foremost you have everything you need because Christ died and resurrected. He's given you his spirit, so now you can walk in his spirit and not the flesh. Like the things that we need to accomplish what he's about to tell us have already happened and are already available to us and been given to us. So that's our perspective in our relationships with our spouse, our children, our church body. That the end of all things is at hand. Like first and foremost, I have everything I need in Christ Jesus, to walk this way that we're about to talk about. And I walk this way because I look forward to Christ coming back, and I wanna not be ashamed at his return, I wanna stand boldly at his return. I wanna be excited for his return.
- [Jennifer] It gives those relationships a lot of depth and purpose, how we interact with each other and how we're supposed to be in those relationships with each other.
- [Aaron] Right and so, if you think about your marriage. You say, "Well, I just can't because my husband "is this, this, this."
- [Jennifer] Or together you're just facing a really hard circumstance.
- [Aaron] Yeah, like we went through stuff. And it's like, oh, our love for each other is stifled because of this hard circumstance or these character traits in the other person. But if our mindsets are on wow, first of all I can, because Christ did, and I should, because Christ is coming. My perspective and the way I treated you and the way we treat others would totally be transformed because we're no longer thinking of this immediate, well how did you treat me and how am I gonna treat you?
- [Jennifer] Well, it's not about us.
- Exactly.
- Right?
- [Aaron] Which is a powerful thing. And this is being taught to the believer, but the ramifications for this is in every aspect of your life. Most directly in your marriage and then also most directly in all of your relationships with other believers in the church. We need to have this perspective.
- [Jennifer] Okay, so, then moving on in that verse, the next word is therefore.
- [Aaron] Yeah and--
- [Jennifer] So the end of all things is at hand,
- [Both] Therefore.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and someone always says, "What's therefore there for?" I mean you ask yourself, "Well, why is that there?" And it's attached to the last statement. So, since the end of all things is at hand, be this way. And what does it say right there, Jennifer?
- [Jennifer] Be self controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.
- [Aaron] So, in relation to our relationships and in our life and in the way we interact in this world, self-controlled, how often do we say the word self-controlled in our house?
- [Jennifer] Well, we're in the beginning stages of training our kids, so I feel like we say it all the time, multiple times a day.
- [Aaron] 150,000 times a day. Are you being self-controlled?
- Remember, self-control.
- [Aaron] Be self-controlled, you're not being self-controlled. You must have self-control. Like over and over and over again. 'Cause that's, I mean our kids are learning to have control over themselves, that's the point. But self-controlled meaning, in my life, am I in control or is my flesh in control? 'Cause when my flesh is in control, we are not self-controlled. We're gonna eat as much as--
- We just give way
- We want.
- To whatever we want, yeah.
- [Aaron] When I'm angry, I'm just gonna say what I wanna say. Oh, well, I was angry, that's why I said that. Well, that's not self-controlled. That's just blurting out what's coming to your mind because you're angry, rather than considering the other person.
- [Jennifer] Which the mind is the next thing it says.
- [Aaron] Yeah, sober-minded, which yes, this is talking about sobriety, not on drugs, not drunk with alcohol, but sober-minded is much more than just, we talked about this in another episode. I can't remember the name of the other episode, but it's having a right way of thinking. A clear way of thinking. So if you think about, we just talked about anger. You know Jennifer, you do something that really frustrates me and then I get so angry I just start saying whatever I want, like I'm not being sober-minded. I'm letting my wrath and my anger control my words and my actions, rather than my mind.
- [Jennifer] It's like being self-controlled of your mind specifically.
- Right.
- [Jennifer] Like being able to have those thought processes and walk yourself through it mentally.
- [Aaron] Another example of being sober-minded is fear. So, there's nothing wrong with natural fear, like you know fire's gonna burn you, so you don't touch it, but we're talking about like there's something going on in the world and it's causing us to have this anxiety and fear which causes us to make decisions and not seek out wisdom and oh, we're gonna go do this thing because XYZ over here, I don't know how that's gonna turn out, therefore we're gonna. And so that's not sober-minded either. Instead of thinking through what is reality, thinking through what is the repercussions if XYZ happens or if we don't have what we need or if, like thinking sober-minded is rather than operating in the fear and just making decisions off that, you're operating in knowledge and wisdom and you seek counsel and you're slow to act, slow to speak. So that's the idea of sober-minded. So since we know that the end of all things is at hand, meaning we have everything we need in Christ, meaning all of the things that God planned for redemption has happened, you have the holy spirit, be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.
- [Jennifer] So real quick, I just have to, just hearing you repeat that, it says, "Be self-controlled and sober-minded "for the sake of your prayers," that means you're praying. So it's almost like it's saying be self-controlled and sober-minded and prayerful. Like be a person of prayer.
- [Aaron] Right, and we just talked about being sick. If our minds were in this position of thankfulness and we were just wallowing in the suffering, 'cause throwing up's not fun, not feeling good is not fun, and we could just sit there and be like woe is us. And we're not even being sober-minded in that. But instead we're like, "Thank you Lord." It actually helped us elevate above our current circumstances to be able to see it from a heavenly position. Like, okay, well, just because this thing is happening, doesn't mean I stop being a Christian. Doesn't mean I can now act XYZ, be this way, say these things. No, I actually even in this, can walk this out. Because we know all things have been fulfilled in Christ, and his return is imminent, even in my sickness I get to say, "Well if Christ was to come right now, "I wanna be like him, wanna look like him." This is how we must live as people who claim the name of Jesus. We can't claim the name, but not walk it out.
- [Jennifer] Mm-hmm, okay so before you move on, I feel like maybe some of our listeners would have the same question, and that is, it says "for the sake of your prayers" so does that mean your prayers are in trouble if you're not being self-controlled or you're not being sober-minded? What does that mean?
- [Aaron] Yeah, I mean, in 1 Peter I think we get another picture of that when it talks about husbands walking with their wives in an understanding way, it says for the sake of your prayers. So, there is a way that the believer can walk that would hinder our prayers. And it could be put this way, someone told me once, "God's not gonna tell you "to do a new thing until you've done the old thing." Like the thing he's asked you to do already. And so it's almost like this, we're looking for a new word from the Lord, we're looking for guidance and wisdom. And he's like, well, but you're not even loving your wife right now.
- Mm-hmm, I have a really good example of this when it comes to kids. Olive, just I think it was yesterday, she came up to me and she was like, "Mom, I don't have anything to do." And so I gave her something to do, it was a small task. And she turned around really quickly and said, "I don't wanna do that."
- [Aaron] What else can I do?
- [Jennifer] What else can I do? And I looked at her, I said, "Sweetheart, "can you go do what Mommy asked you to do?"
- [Aaron] Right. Yeah, and there's even a scripture that says, "Go back and do the first things "that you've been told to do." Like you've left your first love, we learned in Revelations. There's this idea of like, God's already given us some commands, given us some things to do as believers. In his power, to do it, and we wanna skip over those things and we're gonna talk about this. We wanna skip over those things to get to the other things. We're like, "Well, I don't wanna do that thing." Loving that person's difficult. Or, praying for that person, ehh, let's pray for this big thing over here.
- [Jennifer] Or how about, "I'll be self-controlled, "but I don't care about being sober-minded."
- Exactly yeah.
- You know what I mean?
- [Aaron] Which doesn't make any sense because,
- [Jennifer] I know.
- [Aaron] If you're not sober, like let's talk about being drunk, you're not in self-control either. Those things go hand in hand. So yes, the Bible teaches that our prayers can be hindered. I don't know exactly what that means, does that mean that God doesn't hear 'em at all? Or is it that I am hindered? Like I'm not gonna want to pray more. I don't have a desire to, I'm frustrated. No, Lord, I don't want to. It's like when our, like you said our kids, when they have an attitude, Wyatt crosses his arms, puts his head down, it's like he doesn't wanna look at us.
- [Jennifer] Or like that example you gave of us being sick, if we weren't sober-minded and self-controlled, we wouldn't have prayed in thankfulness, so yeah, hindered in a way that if we're not walking that way and we're not being that way then we won't be praying at all.
- Yeah so,
- We won't be a people of prayer.
- Regardless of how it plays out, I don't want either of those things. I wanna be able to come to God boldly and I also want God to receive me and hear my prayers. The Bible tells us that the prayers of a righteous man availeth much, it's in James. And I want my prayers heard. I want them to avail much. And when I pray for my family, when I pray for health, when I pray for opportunities, when I pray for other, my family members, when I pray for the lost, I want those prayers to be heard and to have power with God. So, God says, "Well be sober-minded and self-controlled "so that your prayers won't be hindered." Then I should just do that.
- [Jennifer] Do it.
- [Aaron] It's not easy all the time, but that's what we get to do, because the end of all things is at hand, so I should be able to do it. Okay, so let's move on to this next part of this verse.
- [Jennifer] Well the next verse.
- [Aaron] Yeah, the next verse, there ya go. Verse eight starts off, it says, "Above all." Okay, and I just wanted to highlight this idea, so if you're in your Bible, which that'd be awesome if you were, you should be. It says, "Above all," comma, "keep loving one another earnestly." And I just wrote down some ideas of what's the all? Like above all, above how generous you might be financially, like, "I've given so much." Above being right, like "Well I know "that this scripture means this." Above memorizing every scripture, above being debt free, above your health, above your safety, above all. Above everything that you see as good, 'cause these things are good, for the most part, don't neglect to do this thing. So, above all, do this thing, right?
- [Jennifer] Do you think it's easy for us in our flesh to justify like, "Well, I don't have to love that person, "and we don't even get along, but I'm doing this "over here, so, I'm good with God because this over here." Do you hear what I'm saying?
- [Aaron] Yeah, we do this all the time, and there's a scripture that I'll bring up that shows this hypocrisy. Like, "Well no, that person doesn't need to be in my life, "because of XY and Z, but, you know what? "But I read every day, I'm in the word every day." "Oh but I pray, I'll pray for that person. "I don't have to love 'em, but I'll pray for 'em." I think something that I've heard a lot, and it doesn't make any sense, but we say this, "Oh, I love him, I just don't like him." Almost as if love is this general like, yeah we're in the same city, but I'm never gonna talk to him, I'm not gonna be kind to him, I'm not gonna be cordial, I'm not gonna even, I don't wanna go out of my way for them. I'm not gonna give to them, I'm not gonna help them, I'm not gonna. So what love is that?
- [Jennifer] If you're doing that, I was gonna say, what's your definition of love?
- [Aaron] And that's my point is we, okay, I'll just do this. So the point of everything I said above all, or not that we shouldn't do those other things, 'cause I never want someone to be like, "Well, all we have to do is love others, "and we don't have to be generous, "and we don't have to read our word and memorize scripture." These things that are actually really good for us. "And my health and my, all these things don't matter, "as long as I just love." No. All of those things matter, but we don't neglect this one thing, and often it's the one thing we neglect. We work on all those other things, 'cause we have, those are easier, those are personal. We can control 'em. We can't control other people and that's why it's so hard. And I think of this in Matthew 23:23 Jesus says this, he says, "Woe to you scribes and pharisees, hypocrites, "for you tithe mint and dill and cumin, "and have neglected the weightier matters of the law." And then get what he says, "Justice, mercy and faithfulness. "These you ought to have done "without neglecting the others."
- [Jennifer] Like do it all.
- [Aaron] He's like, "Yeah, you spent time, "you outwardly show all these good things that you do, "yet you've neglected justice, like you don't care "about those in your midst who need justice "and you've been unjust." Or showing mercy and faithfulness. You haven't remained faithful to your spouses, you haven't remained faithful to your people, you haven't remained faithful to, and he's saying these things you should have done without neglecting those other things that you do. And so that was the point I was getting at is like yeah, all those other things are good, but we cannot throw out loving one another earnestly.
- [Jennifer] So you used the word earnestly, why don't you define that, just for our listeners really quick?
- [Aaron] Okay, 'cause it's a pretty powerful word and it's how he wants us to love each other. It's not like, "Hey, I love you, yeah I'll see you later. "Oh yeah, we're good buddies." It's something deeper than that. He says, "Love one another earnestly." And the definition of earnestly means with sincere and intense conviction. It's so powerful. It's not just a, in passing a word you just say about someone, it's a life lived out way of loving. It's a my actions and the way I think reflect the deepness of my conviction and belief about how I love you. And so a perfect example is in marriage. I love you, and it's not just a word. I show you by how I take care of you. And how I show up every day and how I sit and talk with you. And how I ask for forgiveness, and I'm patient, and all these things are the actions of my love for you.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I think that's really important to point out, because I think in marriage specifically, you can text each other back and forth, I love you, or say it at the end of a phone call, conversation. Saying it in passing or before you leave to go to work. But are your actions proving what those words actually mean? So you've convinced yourself in your mind, yeah, of course I love my husband, of course I love my wife. And I tell them every day.
- [Aaron] How do they know?
- [Jennifer] But, are your actions supporting your words?
- [Aaron] Yeah, and so let's break down this definition a little bit, it says with a sincere and intense conviction, that's the earnestness. Sincere means free from pretense or deceit. Proceeding from genuine feelings. So I don't just say it, it's not just a word that I use so that I look good with my other Christian friends and brothers and sisters.
- Or that you know you should use because you're married.
- [Aaron] Yeah, like, "Oh yeah, of course I love so-and-so." But yet, you don't truly believe it in your heart. You struggle with believing, like well, do I love him? I mean, I could move on. I'm not going to, 'cause I don't wanna look bad. That's not love, it's a free from pretense or deceit. So there's nothing, you're not saying it to receive anything like, "Oh good, so good that you love that person." And you're not saying it out of, it's not a lie. When you say you love someone it's truthful. It's a genuine, genuineness, a real thing from with inside of you. And then that second part, intense conviction. And I smashed two definitions together, 'cause the word intense and conviction I put them together and it's a highly concentrated and firmly held belief in what you are doing, right? So, it's not going away. My love for my brothers and sisters in Christ, my love for others in the world, my love for my wife, it's real and it's going to drive my actions and my decisions and my attitudes and it's gonna cause me to repent and it's gonna cause me to change and grow because that conviction is solid. It's there, and when I'm challenged in that conviction, when the listener is challenged in that conviction of love, they get to ask themselves, "Well do I truly love so-and-so?" And then they get to remember, well, the end of all things is at hand, I must love so-and-so, regardless. Without pretense, it needs to be truthful and powerful. That's what that word earnestly means.
- [Jennifer] I love that definition of intense conviction that you shared, and it makes me think how intentional this type of love truly is, because--
- [Aaron] That's a good word, intentional.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, it's intentional because you're motivated by your, like it said, "firmly held belief in what you are doing" so everything that I do in our home, everything I do with our kids, everything I do with you, comes out and is an overflow of this belief that I have that I truly love you and that genuine feeling that you talked about earlier. And that's such a different situation when you compare it to just saying the words I love you or just going about your day without any motivations as to why you're doing those things, you know? It makes me think of the type of motivational speaking you hear when it comes to entrepreneurship, where it's like, "You gotta know your why." You gotta know your why.
- Yeah, what's your why?
- [Jennifer] What's your why? So it makes me go there when I think about in marriage, why are you doing all the little things that you do throughout your day? It's because you love that person.
- [Aaron] Mm-hmm, and it's not superficial, and it's not just a word, but it's an actual held belief. Like "No, I love my wife. "I love John over there." Like truly love them, not just, "We're Christians "and we love each other."
- Right. And if we truly consider this you guys, then when we get into a hard spot in marriage, when we get into conflict or something happens unexpectedly that you don't desire, you can continue on, because there's this hope knowing that, "Well no, I love them. "You know, I know this is hard, but God's given me "a love for them."
- [Aaron] Yeah. What I think is really cool, I just thought about this, often we think about this idea of growing in love, which we do, we change and our level of love deepens.
- It deepens, yeah.
- [Aaron] But it's actually, the way this is stated, it's actually a starting point. We start at this basis of love for one another. Not build into it. It starts at this place and I thought that was really cool. I just was,
- I like that.
- [Aaron] I was just thinking it's like it's not, yeah, it does grow over time, but it's also, like you said, even in those hard times, you default to that position of love. Not default to, well we're not in love because, or we're building in love and the default position is no love. That's not actually, I mean marriage starts, usually, for the most part, with a deep conviction of love. And so the default position is love. And I didn't have the scripture originally here, but I thought about this and I think it goes perfectly well. What this level of love is supposed to look like, it's supposed to be remarkable. It's not supposed to look like the love of the world. Like the world loves itself. There's people that they love their own and they do a good job of that, but the love that Christians are supposed to have for one another is supposed to be remarkable, miraculous. And Jesus puts it this way in John 13:34. "A new commandment I give to you, "that you love one another. "Just as I have loved you, "you also are to love one another. "By this all people will know that you are my disciples "if you have love for one another." So it's not like, if we do these great things, or if we have this great band, or if we preach this great message, it says if you love one another the way I loved you, the whole world will know, oh that's a disciple of Christ.
- [Jennifer] Yeah.
- [Aaron] That's remarkable. So I get, the question I have in your marriage, in your relationships at church, would the world look at how you love them as remarkable? Like that's a remarkable love. How could he love like that? How could she love like that after so much has happened to her, after this or that? It's a remarkable love and it can only be done with Jesus Christ. That's what he says, "If you love as I have loved you." Which is an amazing, amazing kind of love. It's literally remarkable. And I have some notes here and this is, this is exactly why churches fall apart. This is why friendships dissolve, this is why marriages end. When we let the intensity of our conviction to love each other soften. We got to that point a few years into our marriage. Our conviction to love one another, because of the things we were going through, got weakened.
- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, I don't feel like softens is just the right word because it sounds mushy-gushy, but I mean we're talking about the dissolving of that belief and conviction.
- [Aaron] Yeah. And it's not that those things that were happening had some external power to weaken our love for each other superficially,
- We chose that.
- We let our love, yeah we chose it, that's a good word. And so, I just wanna ask you, as we get into this, have you let your love, the earnestness of your love for your spouse, for other believers, weaken? For whatever reason, because someone hurt you, because someone said something harmful about you, because someone didn't pay you back?
- [Jennifer] The relationship's messy or hard or challenging and you just wanna,
- Walk away.
- Walk away.
- It'd be easier.
- Yeah.
- [Aaron] There's been so many times I've thought to myself, it would just be easier to move.
- [Jennifer] Well, we thought that in the beginning of our marriage when we were facing hardship and we got to the point at the end of three and a half years where we were, so incredibly close to walking away convinced in our selfish flesh that it would be better for each other if we just separated.
- [Aaron] Move on.
- [Jennifer] And instead, God got ahold of our hearts in a remarkable way and, I mean he brought the message to you first and then to me, but it's a choice.
- [Aaron] Yeah.
- [Jennifer] And are we gonna let our circumstances dictate that choice or are we gonna choose it in our hearts and move past the circumstances? Or even if we have to deal with the circumstances for the rest of our life, and that was the commitment we had to choose. There came this pivotal moment where, people who've read our books, they know what I'm talking about, but we're standing in church, Aaron, and you're sharing this heart that God has given you for our marriage to continue on regardless if anything changed. That is remarkable. And that saved us, that saved our marriage.
- [Aaron] And here's the difference in the types of love. The love that the world has for itself, and the love that we are to have for our brothers and sisters and our spouse. The love that Christ gave to us was unconditional. The love that we try and walk in is often transactional. You do this, I'll do this. You give me this, I'll give you that. Oh you didn't do the thing, or you weren't the certain way? Then I'm not going to. Jesus it says, "Yet while we were still sinners died for us." So even when we were weakest, when we couldn't save ourselves, Christ died. Christ gave himself up for his bride. And this is the message that Christ gave me that day, reminding me, he's like, "Hey are you gonna love "your wife unconditionally, or transactionally? "Are you gonna love her regardless if she ever gives you "what you think you deserve, what you ought to have? "Or are you gonna love her like I did "when you could do nothing for me, "and I still died for you?"
- [Jennifer] John 13 comes back to my mind like you said. Jesus says, "Love as I loved you."
- [Aaron] And you know what this sincerity and intensity, this earnestness sounds very familiar to how Jesus said we would worship God. He says this to the woman at the well, in John 4:24, he says, "God is spirit "and those who worship him must worship "in spirit and truth." Spirit and truth. And this isn't talking about worshiping each other. But it's how we love each other, in spirit and in truth.
- [Jennifer] It reminds me of the definition going back earlier to those genuine feelings.
- [Aaron] Mm-hmm, it's not from pretense or deceit. It's no, I genuinely love you. I may not know how to do it well, but I'm going to default to love, I'm going to default to giving you the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to love you regardless if you give me what I deserve. And then in Matthew 22 verse 37-48 says this, "And he said to him, 'You shall love the lord your God "'with all your heart and with all your soul "'and with all your mind. "'This is there greatest and first commandment. "'And a second is like it, you shall love your neighbor "'as yourself, on these two commandments "'depend all the law and the prophets.'"
- [Jennifer] I remember we read this verse to our kids and they got really confused, because we've taught them the 10 Commandments.
- Yeah.
- And they were like, "No no no, that's not the."
- [Aaron] No, you have to honor your mom and dad. Like, yes. And what I explained to 'em is, and this is what Jesus says, he says, "Anyone who does these won't break any of the laws." Because when you love your neighbor, you're not gonna steal from them. When you love your neighbor, you're not gonna lie to them. When you love your neighbor, you're not gonna covet their things. You're gonna say praise God that you've given them those things, God. Praise God. They're gonna use 'em for you, I hope. We don't covet. When we love God we don't dishonor our parents. When you love your parents you're not gonna dishonor them. And so, that's the kind of love that we get to have for one another. And it's actually, it's one of the greatest commandments, to love God with all our heart, mind and soul and to love each other as ourselves. To love each other with that intensity. Okay, so we're getting up to the last part of this section of scripture and it's the most powerful one. It's actually the title of this episode. And it's the reason why Peter is commanding us to love each other in the first place. It's the reason why he's saying to do these things, it's the reason why he gave us the mindset of hey, the end of all things is at hand, be this way, love this way. So before I move on to this next portion of this scripture, I'm gonna read the whole scripture again. It's 1 Peter 4:7-11. "The end of all things is at hand, "therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded "for the sake of your prayers. "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, "since love covers a multitude of sins." Okay, so here's the--
- You slowed down there at the end Aaron,
- I know it's,
- [Jennifer] Is that important?
- [Aaron] Well, it's the most powerful section of this scripture, I believe. And what's amazing about this is it's the opportunity that believers have to love like Christ. What did Christ's love do?
- [Jennifer] Saved us.
- [Aaron] It covered us. We've just been teaching the kids through Adam and Eve, the story of Adam and Eve and how they were to, God told that surely on the day that you eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, you will die. And guess what.
- [Jennifer] Well the kids asked the question,
- They're like,
- But they didn't die!
- [Aaron] Yeah, they didn't die. Here's what's amazing is something died instead. They covered themselves with fig leaves, God covered them in skins. So an animal had to die. So even then, way back in the beginning, in the very first people, God showed his redemption plan. That he was gonna substitute the death that we deserve for another. And so it was a picture right then and there of what Christ was gonna do. And this is what the believer gets to do. This is the remarkable love that the world's gonna see and be like, whoa, those people are God's, Christ's disciples, because Christ died for them, and look how they love each other.
- [Jennifer] They wouldn't be able to do it without him.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and so love covers a multitude of sins. So here's a question, I taught this at church and I asked this question, and it was hard for me to get it out without crying. But I said, "Who doesn't want their sins covered?" I said, "Raise your hand." How many hands do you think went up? None. So I ask the listener, do you want your sins covered? Do you thank God that his son Jesus and the blood that he shed covers your sins completely? That you are made white as snow? That you are clean before God? Okay, so if we can answer that question with "Yes, praise God," then our love should do the same. Our love has that same power. I personally love the fact that God no longer sees my sin. I personally love that who I was before Christ is now dead and buried. But, what we often do is we highlight other people's sins. And what it does is it raises us up and puts them down. Oh so-and-so, I can't believe they would treat me that way. You can't believe it? I mean how else do we deserve to be treated, really? We deserve hell. That's what the human state deserves.
- [Jennifer] There's other times in marriage that we hold their sin against them.
- [Aaron] Absolutely, yeah.
- [Jennifer] So, whether it's for ammunition later, or maybe you're not intentionally thinking that, but all the sudden it comes up again, and you haven't covered their sin in love. You've been hanging on to it out of bitterness and anger, and you're gonna spew it out back in their face to make them feel a certain way.
- [Aaron] Or waiting for them to trip up and it makes you feel better, because as long as their sin is greater than your sin then you're not a sinner. That's like the logic we use. I know that we struggled with this. You believed because I struggled with certain things you didn't even wanna see your own sin. Things that you were dealing with, your own pride, your own bitterness, your own angers, 'cause I was the sinner in the relationship. I was the one that needed to repent, I was the one that needed to change. And I did, I mean it's not like I didn't. But we do that, we look, we long for the sin in others. Oh, since they're that way, I can be this way. Rather than wanting to cover those sins. Rather than wanting to overlook them and remind those people of who they are in Christ, without pretense, without this idea of like, I'm gonna point this out, because I wanna hurt them. Or I wanna feel better.
- [Jennifer] I think just kind of glancing back over those first few years of marriage, something else that I've struggled with is holding on to the sins that you struggled with even after saying I forgive you or trying to make up and resolve things. Because I had this belief about you that you were gonna fail me. So I was building a case, right?
- [Aaron] You were waiting for me to, yeah.
- [Jennifer] The next time you messed up, I go, "See, this is the type of person that you are." And I held up a mirror to show you your sin instead of pointing you to God and saying, "But he's redeemed you." You know what I mean? I didn't give you--
- Why you acting like this? God's redeemed you.
- I didn't give you the positive message, because I truly cared about restoration at that point I was looking for a case in order to get out. To leave, to say, "You're this way, and I can't handle it."
- [Aaron] Yeah. And that leads me to this question, do we see our spouse's sins against us as special or less deserving of forgiveness and grace? Do we see the sins and shortcomings of others towards us as less deserving, as special? Yeah, yeah, I've done things, I get it, God forgives me, but what they've done? No, what they've done is not forgivable. What they've done is, you can't tell me to love that person. Well, you know what, I don't. I'm not telling you anything. God says it, okay? When you give that word picture, 'cause I think it perfectly sums up this idea of when we love the way Christ loves, what it does.
- [Jennifer] Well, I was just thinking about this idea of covering a multitude of sins by our love, the word picture that I got in my mind to help me understand that is a blanket and it's function. When you think about a blanket and being wrapped up and curled up on the couch with it, it provides warmth and comfort and padding and it consumes you.
- It protects you.
- [Jennifer] It protects you, it's just all around you and it was a really beautiful picture for me to understand how God covers us. Kinda like even as you said, going back to Adam and Eve, how he covered them, ya know?
- [Aaron] And then the picture I got, and the Bible even uses it, says that our sins are made white as snow. And we live in a place that snows. And you see all the landscape, there's all the colors, the grass, the concrete, the trees, the houses.
- [Jennifer] Pretty soon everything starts to fade away.
- [Aaron] It snows and guess what. Everything's the same color.
- Everything's white.
- Everything's white. And beautiful and it could be on the dirtiest, muddiest area, and it's a beautiful white field. And that's what Christ's blood does is it covers us. And out of our thankfulness for that, we get to love others the same way. And this isn't an overlooking of sin, this isn't a pretending sin hasn't happened. And I'll talk about that in a second. But it's the way we love that no one, no one's sin is special that doesn't deserve our forgiveness, because what we've done is so worthy of punishment. The littlest sin we've done is detrimental to our own nature. And Christ has forgiven that in us. And I was reading in Leviticus this morning, and it was talking about all of the sacrifices and all the atonements and the priest is supposed to do this and all, it was so weird, I'm reading, I was like, "I wanna watch a video on this." So I watched the Bible Project's video on atonement.
- [Jennifer] Oh they're good.
- [Aaron] Yeah, it was good. And I almost started crying in Starbucks, 'cause I go to Starbucks after the gym, watching it because it was explaining how the atonement was a replacement and it was talking about the two types of evil, it was the sin against your brother or God. And it washes that away. But the other thing is the broken relationship aspect. Let's say you stole something, you paid it back, right? But there's also now distrust and fear that's in the relationship. And so that has to be atoned for as well. And so there's this picture of the priest sprinkling blood over the temple and the Tent of Meeting, right? And it showed this picture of, there was all this black looking weeds on the ground, and every time the blood hit the ground it turned to normal. And it said the blood also brought us into a safe relationship and a love relationship. And that's what this love does when it's covering. It's not just pretending things didn't happen, it's actually mending relationships so that we can walk with people not in fear, not in angst or anxiety, but we can actually walk with people in freedom and in love and in purity. That's what this does. And I wanted to share that 'cause it literally almost made me cry when I was thinking what God's done for me, and how he's, he didn't just fix the offense, he also fixed the relationship that was broken because of the offense.
- [Jennifer] It's remarkable.
- [Aaron] Yeah. So, I just wanna quickly, we talked through a lot of the scriptures, but I wanted to quickly say, this isn't to say we ignore sin, because that actually is unloving. Ignoring someone's sin is unloving. The loving thing to do is to address the sin, not out of our own vindication, trying to get something paid back to us, but out of, like you said, pointing them back to the truth of what God said about them. Or if they're not a believer, to repentance and salvation. So the loving way to, we deal with sin lovingly. And we come to people in truth and our position is of we wanna see the best for you. We want you to be in a right relationship with us. As Matthew 18 says, it's like you've won your brother. That's what you go to them for is for the purpose of winning your brother, not for winning the argument or winning the, oh see, all I want is an apology and we'll be good. No, you're going with the intention of hey, this is broken right now. We need to fix this. Love covering a multitude of sins isn't to say that the sins just disappear. It's to say that we deal with them the biblical way, the loving way for the purpose of reconciliation, 'cause that is the ministry we've been given is reconciliation.
- [Jennifer] And we do this for people because we desire the same reciprocation, right? Of love?
- I want it.
- [Jennifer] I want people to overlook and cover the sins that I've committed, even the slightest or smallest, there's no degree. It doesn't matter. If I'm imperfect, I want someone to love me still. And I think that's important to remember, especially in marriage.
- [Aaron] So I hope that bit of scripture encourages you in your walk. As usual we pray before signing off, so we're gonna pray. Dear lord, we lift up our hearts to you right now and ask that you would make us a people who love others earnestly. Holy spirit direct our hearts and remind us of your word. We pray we would above all things, love others. We pray we would love our spouse, our children, our friends and those who are in our life. May your love pour out of us. May your love pouring out of us transform our marriages. We pray others would be impacted by the love we share. We pray we'd be able to love so deeply that it covers a multitude of sin. We pray that instead of shame or guilt, people would feel undoubtedly loved by us and by you. We pray for your word to be fulfilled through our choices to walk in love and that your will would be done. In Jesus name, amen. Hey thanks for joining us for this episode. We pray it blessed you, of course. And don't forget to join the Parenting Prayer Challenge. That's parentingprayerchallenge.com It's completely free and we pray it blesses you. See you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com, and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 26 Sep 2018 | Our Favorite Parenting & Marriage Resources - Part 1 | 00:25:21 | |
Marriages resources played an invaluable role in helping our marriage grow into what it is today. There are a handful of marriage books and websites that transformed the way we saw our marriage, our sex life, our way of communicating and so much more than we thought we would share them with you! Some of these resources helped us in our struggles with sexual intimacy, porn addiction, and parenting. In this episode, we share books, blogs, social media accounts to follow, and some insight into the power of real-life relationships. We also share a look at the some of the marriage resources we have created to inspire and lift up your marriage. It is crucial for the health of your marriage that you invest in your relationship by digging into resources that give you a fresh perspective that will challenge you to grow in the role that God has given you! Here are all the links from the helpful marriage books and resources we talked about in this episode. Books ESV BIBLE Jennifers Bible Experiencing God Study Wired For Intimacy No More Headaches Sacred Marriage You can get all of our books at https://shop.marriageaftergod.com Sites https://www.familylife.com/ Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 21 Feb 2018 | 3 Honest Fears Of A Growing Family And How To Combat Them Biblically Private | 00:27:59 | |
Have you ever been fearful of having more children or even having your first? You are not alone. In this episode, we talk about 3 honest fears that have come up recently in light of our 4th pregnancy. Aaron and I navigate these new waters for a growing family through scripture and the realities of what it means to have a large family. Our heart is to walk alongside you in this journey as we are also learning how to have a biblical mindset of children and parenting. -- Stay tuned each week where we will be discussing topics hoping to inspire you to cultivate an extraordinary marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS READ TRANSCRIPT
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 08 Feb 2021 | Don't Forget Who Is At Work Within You | 00:44:08 | |
We want to encourage you in your identity in Christ. We want to remind you that you are not lesser no matter what part of the body you are. And If you are struggling with doubt at all we want to encourage you to trust and know that God has given to you just like he has given to every other believer His spirit.
READ TRANSCRIPT [Jennifer] Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast. [Aaron] We're your hosts, I'm Aaron. [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. [Jennifer] And we have five young children. [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God, and closer to each other. [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book "Marriage After God", the book that inspired us to start this podcast. [Aaron] "Marriage After God" is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. [Jennifer] To reflect His love. [Aaron] To be a light in this world. [Jennifer] To work together as a team. [Aaron] Using what he has given us. [Aaron] To build his kingdom. [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. [Aaron] This is "Marriage After God." Welcome back to another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your hosts. [Jennifer] Hi. [Aaron] How's it going? We're so glad you're here. And I just wanted to let we love you. And this episode is gonna be some Bible. I don't know if we, do we ever- [Jennifer] Some Bible . [Aaron] Do you ever talk about the Bible in this podcast? [Jennifer] It's kind of a lot of Bible. Actually, that's a good note. If you wanna follow along in this episode with your Bible, I think it could encourage you. [Jennifer] Yeah, we're gonna be first, not 1 Corinthians. We're in breathing Colossians [Jennifer] 1 Colossians. [Aaron] 1 Colossians. 1 Colossians 3. [Jennifer] So I know, we mentioned that we're gonna be in a lot of Scripture today. I wanted to start with one random scripture that doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about. And that's just because I was really encouraged by it. A friend was sharing from Proverbs:27,17. Which says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." And I don't know if I just read the ESV version. Is that right? Okay. And he basically said, it doesn't say iron sharpens wood, or is sharpened by any other means it was the same compound, it was iron and iron. And I just loved that. It was such a small little tidbit of recognizing word choice in the Bible that I thought that's really cool because... [Aaron] What are you- It shows the importance of why we need other Christians in our life. Because we sharpen one another when we believe the same and we operate off the same principles and the same- [Aaron] And we rub up against each other. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Being in relationship, and fellowship. [Jennifer] And fellowship and all of that is so important. And it wouldn't work. If it was any other compound. It wouldn't work if those people weren't Christians, if they weren't reading God's word or abiding in Him. [Aaron] They're made of the same stuff. [Jennifer] They're made of the same stuff. The same property, the same people, right? [Aaron] Yeah. I remember what you were talking about. It was really good. Because we need we need people in our life. We can't do this alone. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] An iron rod just sitting there by itself, it's not getting sharpened . [Jennifer] Right, not gonna do anything, just sitting there- [Aaron] I will actually just sit and corrode and not be useful. [Jennifer] Yeah. So just a small encouragement for... An actually is kind of what we're gonna be talking about today. But it is good to- [Aaron] Oh yeah, look at that. [Jennifer] Be reminded that we need people. [Aaron] I think people are gonna think we planned it that way. [Jennifer] I didn't, I promise. Here I'll throw in a freebie, a different thing. 'Cause I like to start these intros with something fun. For any of you who are parents of small children. I forgot how fun these are, but I grew up on a old telephone with a long cord. [Aaron] The rotary phones. [Jennifer] You know, the kind that plugs into the wall. We're also used to cell phones now. I don't know if people even have phones like this anymore that actually work. But I was at an antique store, thrift store, and I found one for really cheap. And I just thought, "Oh, the kids will have a blast playing with this pretend in the playroom." So I bought one, and Olive won't stop playing with it today. She literally, I'm not kidding you. I was doing some school with Elliot. And she was standing behind you had like this little kids kitchenette thing. And she was on the... It was one of those, what are they called? Rotary phones? [Aaron] The rotary phone, yeah. [Jennifer] And she has- [Aaron] With the cord. [Jennifer] Right, with the cord. And she's got one end up to her ear and she's playing with the cord with her finger. And I look over and she's got a pillow stuffed under her shirt. And she's talking to someone, her best friend on the phone about her pregnancy. And about how hard it's been lately. But she's talking as if like- [Aaron] Who taught her to do the finger twirl thing- [Jennifer] I don't know. It was so funny. So anyways, it was a very cheap piece of fun for the kids and a little bit of history. [Aaron] That's a really funny story. I think Olive's awesome. Getting into the episode. If you haven't done so yet, would you leave us a review today. Star rating a review, we love those. They're very impactful to us. And they help other people find the episode. We'd love if you did that. And one more thing, we've been heavily promoting our marriage prayer challenge this season. It's the beginning of a new year. We're just hoping to get a lot of people just getting in the habit of prayer this year. God wants us to be praying people. So we made this prayer challenge it's completely free, so that it encouraged you and inspire your prayer life for your marriage. It's marriageprayerchallenge.com. It's completely free. It's a 31 day challenge, where we send you an email with a prompt for something specific to pray for, for your husband or your wife. And if your husband and wife are listening, right now, both you go sign up together, it would be awesome, we can be praying for each other. [Jennifer] Do it. Okay, so the title of this episode is, Don't Forget Who is at Work Within Us, within you? [Aaron] Within Me. You. [Jennifer] Were all listening. [Aaron] Yeah. This is for all of us. Because we can forget. [Jennifer] But we're not gonna. Okay. Let's back it up just a bit. We wrote "Marriage After God", which This podcast was inspired because of. But the "Marriage After God" book which came out a year and a half ago now, it was a message that Aaron and I had been learning and experiencing in our own life in marriage. And it was a message we found incredibly impactful. So we wanted other marriages to experience it. So we wrote this book, laid it all out for you. And there's quite a bit to unpack in "Marriage After God". But the premise is that, everyone, everyone, you, me, everyone listening, especially marriages as a unit, we all have a place and a purpose in the body of Christ in the church. Operating in this world, not for ourselves but for God. [Aaron] When you say everyone, you're talking about believers. [Jennifer] Believers. [Aaron] In the body of Christ. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Yeah. So there's not some believers that don't have a purpose? [Jennifer] No. [Aaron] There's not like, not like one or two that- [Jennifer] We all. [Aaron] Every single one of us. [Jennifer] This is a quote from "Marriage After God", it says, "The beauty of the body of Christ is that each and every part is unique, your marriage included. And God will use your uniqueness for his purposes, if you let Him." [Aaron] So that's what we wanna encourage you in this episode, is to recognize that you are not excluded from the body of Christ, or from usefulness to Christ in His body. You're a part of it. [Jennifer] God does use our uniqueness for His glory. Another reason why we shouldn't compare, right? Which is something else we talked about in the book. But even though we are all unique and our marriages are too, we are still part of only one body. One. [Aaron] Yeah, the body of Christ. [Jennifer] Yeah. And there's things about us that are the same as others. And it is in those bonds of unity and likeness, that we find camaraderie, comfort, support, as that one body. [Aaron] It's also where you find the message of the gospel of Christ in the church as a whole, but also in our marriages. It's another theme that we talked about in the book is that... I actually talked about this a couple Sundays ago, that our marriage is an earthly symbol of a heavenly truth. And that's what we're trying to get at is your marriage and you individually, what God has put in us and wants to use in us is important and valuable and shouldn't be overlooked. So it's awesome as though all of us may be unique and have unique giftings and talents and resources, and God's gonna use us with those but the purpose is the same, that we're used to share his testimony. [Jennifer] Of Jesus. [Aaron] Of Jesus, yeah. [Jennifer] What Jesus did. [Aaron] Is to be shared with all. [Aaron] Yeah, yeah. Those unifying principles, those bonds that I was talking about, those are the things that stand out in a Christians life. And they're from the Bible, right Aaron? [Aaron] Yeah, the word is living and active in our lives. And what we wanna do in this episode is we wanna encourage you because I've known people that don't feel used or useful. They don't feel capable. They look at other people and they say, "Well, I'm not like them. I don't have their gifts. I don't have their talents. God can't use me. I'm not in that position. I'm not a paid this or that." But that's so far from the truth. 'Cause the truth is that God has arranged the parts in the body as you see fit. And He's given gifts to all of us that He sees fit. [Jennifer] And I also wanna add, you just explained it from the standpoint of someone who may think they've never had enough or to share, or to do, or to participate in that way. And then I've also seen where some people do believe even for a short moment, or even a long moment, that they might be able to participate in the body of Christ but then there're seasons where they doubt, or there're seasons where they're just, don't feel like they're enough, or there're seasons where they are just conflicted in their belief of what is true. So we wanna encourage you guys today, we wanna encourage you if that's where you're at, we wanna encourage you in your identity in Christ in the body and the part that you do play, that you're not lesser. Just because you have a different purpose or function in the body. Right? And if you're struggling with doubt at all, a little bit, or a lot of bit , we're here for you. We're gonna often encourage you. [Aaron] We do this. There's been several times that we asked ourselves, "What are we doing? Why are we doing this podcast? Why are we doing this book?" And we have to submit it to the Lord and we get reminded that it's for Him, and He's gonna use us how He sees fit. And so we get to be encouraged that we're a part of that body, we're part of His body. Just doing our part. Just doing what He has for us. This is what the Bible says, listeners, Christians, about us. Colossians 3:10-11. "And I put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." I just wanna stop for a second. We put on a new self as a believer, there was the old self that's been put away that we constantly are putting to death, that old self. And it says putting on the new self, walking in newness of life, new creation, these are the words words that the Bible uses about the believer. So we put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. So we're being renewed by knowledge. So the Word of God, the Holy Spirit speaking to us working in us after the image of its creator. So the new self that we've put on the image of its creator is what we're being renewed in. And then it says in verse 11, "Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free, but Christ is all and in all." So raise your hand if you are part of that all. [Jennifer] I'm raising my hand. [Aaron] Yeah, I'm sure everyone listening . [Jennifer] Nobody's raising their hand babe. [Aaron] I think someone did. So if Christ is all and in all, so for the believer who's put on the new self and being renewed but in the image of its creator, Christ is you and in you because we are the body of Christ. Doesn't matter who you are in the body. This is true for you. It's not true for some believers. This believer over here that does this mighty thing. And this blue bar here that has this big ministry, no, it's true for every believer in the body of Christ. [Jennifer] So when it comes to identity, it's Him. Like, we're in Christ so we're one with his identity. [Aaron] So we put off the old identity that was a child of wrath, the Bible talks about, and we've put on a new identity which is Christ Himself. [Jennifer] Which also means that there's no distinction between who we once were, and who we are now in Christ. [Aaron] Which I think is a huge, like, we have this hard time as believers where we still see the old self, you know? And I think that that struggle happens, that's often where we feel disqualified, or we feel like we can't be used as we see that old self. And who we once were. [Jennifer] Yeah, we start to doubt when we see that person and say, "See, that's who I am." And not saying not reminding yourself who you actually are is in Christ. [Aaron] So we're reminding you that you are in Christ. And so He says up here, "No Greek or Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian." He gives all these categories, these groups of people. And as believers, we're not to dis divide ourselves into these groups. We're not to divide ourselves in any groups based on who we are, we're in the flesh. Instead, we live together with one identity, one identity. [Jennifer] The bride of Christ. [Aaron] We are the bride of Christ. We're his people. [Jennifer] I think we hear in terms like the bride of Christ, or the body of Christ, and we see this picture of a body, but full of people. I don't know if you see it like this, I see it like this. [Aaron] Like, all stacked on top each other. [Jennifer] Yeah, I kind of like just- [Aaron] I've never visualized that. Now I am 'cause you said it. [Jennifer] Sometimes I'd see it like that, which is beautiful. But let's not forget that Christ is the head of that body. We exist because of Him. And we're all here because of Him. And we're one with Him. [Aaron] Yeah [Jennifer] One. [Aaron] One, not- [Jennifer] It's not Christ over here. What I'm trying to get at, is not Christ over here and Christ body over here, it's all connected. Right? [Aaron] Exactly. [Jennifer] That's important. [Aaron] And so if you're in Christ, you're in the body of Christ. [Jennifer] And if He's the head, I was thinking about this. If He's the head, then He's the mind of the body which means that He's reminding us who we are and what our function is. [Aaron] That's true. Everything we need comes from Him. And it's Him that's that's in charge and controls what we do, and what the body does and where the body is going. So this is a good spot for us to, heart check for us. Do we divide ourselves in the body? Do we look... Often, this comes in the terms of those people over there are- [Jennifer] This way or that way. [Aaron] Elevated. And those people over there are lower. Or we do it with ourselves. I'm not like those people. [Jennifer] Comparison, yeah. [Aaron] So I must not be useful. [Jennifer] We put ourselves down. [Aaron] I don't play music. And these are just basic like the people you might see on a Sunday morning. The people that are playing music, or a pastor or you see these couple of ministries, which are powerful ministry is useful and needful. But maybe we look at that and we say, "Well, I'm not those. So I must not be anything. I must not be useful." Which is not true. They're needed, just as much as you are. [Jennifer] I think to just encourage people, 'cause I think sometimes when we give examples of specific things, I know we're trying to use it as a way of looking at something. But sometimes it can deter us from looking at even more things. And so when you're comparing yourself or dividing the body up, you mentioned Sunday morning but it can come in so many forms during the week as well within friendships, social media, who's blogging about what, or podcasting about who, you know? So I just wanna broaden that example and say this is far beyond just Sunday morning and what your purpose is, within the body. This is an everyday all day heart check that we can have? [Aaron] Well, here's one good example of this. And this happens probably in a lot of our lives. Let's say we hear of a friend who needs help, encouragement, some love, some advice. And we immediately think to tell ourselves, "I'm not the person to do that, what am I gonna say? I can't do that. I'm not qualified to go talk to them and encourage them. They need someone more knowledgeable." [Jennifer] So you kind of just talk yourself out of out of the opportunity. [Aaron] Yeah, what you've done is you've lowered yourself. You said, "I'm not capable. I'm not the one for the job." When you may very well be the only one for the job. I mean- [Jennifer] I will say this, I hadn't experience... I don't wanna share about it without asking that other person. But I had a friend walk through something difficult. And I didn't have any experience with that thing. And that justification that you're talking about did creep up into my heart, but I pushed it away. And I'm like, "No, this is important." And I thought at most I can go and sit and be present. [Aaron] And you did. [Jennifer] And that's all I did. And so for you listening, if whatever Aaron just said struck a chord in your heart, and there is someone in your life currently that is in need whether emotionally or physically or with intangible needs or maybe just going through a hard time, and you just wanna be present with that person, it means the world to them. It means a lot. [Aaron] So it's not loving the body if we divide the body that way. If we look at others and we judge them based on what they do. If we judge ourselves on what we can or cannot do. [Jennifer] It actually allows pride to creep up and start wreaking havoc on the body. If we're puffed up like that. [Aaron] yeah. What's funny is you might not think saying, "I'm not the one to do that" isn't pride, but it is. Because what it's not doing is being humbled for our Lord and saying, "Do you wanna use me?" [Jennifer] Yeah, I'll go do that hard thing that I don't know what to do. Yeah. [Aaron] Yeah. So we wanna remind you that you are needful in the body. And not just needful, you're necessary. If you're a believer, you are a necessary part of the body. There is no part not necessary. [Jennifer] You had a really good point about the Scripture you just read that I want you to share. Go ahead do that now. [Aaron] Yeah, one of the main things to notice between these different identities. [Jennifer] Go and read it real quick. [Aaron] In the verse it says, "Here, there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free." There's something that... Those are different identities, they're not just people, they're identities. And the difference between them is the forms of worship, their languages, and their positions. So you look at those things. You have Jews, they worship the one true God. You have the Greeks who worshiped either many gods or knowledge or self, right? You had the barbarians which was a term for anyone who spoke a different language that no one understood. So if someone spoke a language from a far distant land and no one knew it, they were a barbarian. And then the Scythians they were regarded as the wildness of barbarians by more by the civilized nations and have integrity. So back then they would look at Scythians and be like, "Oh, they're like, savage people that we don't know how they talk. We don't know their language." And then you have slave and free, those are positions. So you have a slave who is controlled by someone else, and you have a free person who they do what they want. So it's not just people it's talking about, it's talking about the way the identify. And so the reason all of these are to be discarded, none of those exist anymore in the church. And you'll see why, is because we now all have the same God to worship. We worship the same. We're unified. Whether Greek or Jew, nope, we worship Christ, all of us. We all now speak the same language. I'm not talking just like actual language like French or Spanish or English. [Jennifer] I heard the word christianese. [Aaron] No, we speak the same language which is the word of God. [Jennifer] 'Cause we're quoting Him. [Aaron] It doesn't matter what actual language you speak. So we could go to the church, the underground church in China. And even though we couldn't speak their language, an interpreter would be translating for us. We're still speaking the same words. [Jennifer] I think it's funny that you went to you went to China, which we haven't had experience with. [Aaron] I've never been to China. [Jennifer] But we have had experience with going to parts of Africa. [Aaron] I guess I should use that example, yeah. [Jennifer] I'm taking it personal. We have had opportunities where we've had even sometimes two to three translators between us and those listening. [Aaron] Yeah, there'd be like, all the different dialects. And that was actually really hard. But the thing is they heard the same words. And we all know have the same position. The Bible even talks about this, free or slave, we worship one God. We are free in Christ. We're in the position that we hold as God's chosen one's, holy and beloved. That's what the word says about us. [Jennifer] I really like that. [Aaron] So it talks about how no longer in the body of Christ, are there any of those other identities. All of those identities melt away and we all have one language, we worship one God, we have one position. [Jennifer] So you said earlier, this is a good place to have a heart check in it. I am just thinking how often do we stop to really think about our identity? It's something that might contribute to some tensions in our hearts at times, or some doubt that flares up. But when was the last time you sat down and maybe even wrote out what things do I cling to that I think are part of my identity? And when was the last time I really just owned Christ's identity? You know what I mean? [Aaron] And God's challenged me several times over the last few few years of my own identity, with the way I dress, or the way I look and things that I care about myself, and really saying, is there any part of your identity you're not willing to give up for me? [Jennifer] 'Cause then it would become an idol. [Aaron] Exactly. [Jennifer] Right? [Aaron] But challenging those identity markers in and me, I don't know what you wanna call them but in God's saying, "I want your identity to be in me only." But what's awesome about everything I'm saying this isn't about some Christians, this is- [Jennifer] About us. [Aaron] The church, it's about us. And in verse 10 it ends with, "But Christ is all and in all." So all those identities go away and now Christ is all and in all. So talks about Christ being the whole church, and Christ being in the individual members of the church. You, me, you listening, Christ is in you. Paul says it this way, in Romans 12:4-5, "For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function. So we though many are one body in Christ and individually members one of another." Which is awesome, because it's not just saying we're all members of one body and we're individually members of Christ. It says that as individuals, we're members of one another. So wherever you think your position is in the body, you're connected to the rest of us. So however you think you are in the body, you and me, we are members of one another. Me and my wife, members of one another. We are all together one. And it's a beautiful thing, because I just want to defeat the lies that some believers, hopefully if you're if you're listening and this is something that you're believing, that you are a an non necessary part of the body of Christ, or non useful, or haven't been given a gift, or that God doesn't want to use you for his kingdom and His glory, It's a lie from the devil. What the devil does not want you to realize is that you are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. He does not want you to realize that you are an unnecessary and active part of the body of Christ. [Jennifer] 'Cause if he can get you to believe that and you from that basis, talk yourself out I'm gonna help that person that's in need or fulfill whatever purpose God has for you in those moments that what I'm talking about when you're confronted with them. The enemy's winning if you can get you to believe the wrong thing. [Aaron] And we don't want to believe the wrong thing. We wanna believe the biblical thing. Who we are in Christ. It's incredibly powerful. Here's another lie you might be thinking. And this is about the Spirit of God in us. Don't ever think that you have less of Christ or His spirit than any other believer. [Jennifer] So this would be like if I was sitting back looking at you and going, "Wow, he's got way more spirit of Jesus, way more of him than I do. So I'll never be." [Aaron] Right. Don't believe that. You have no smaller or lesser portion of He's spirit or a smaller, lesser purpose. The purpose that Christ has for you is as important as Christ deems it necessary, because it's for His glory. [Jennifer] Yeah, we also can't believe that we're more broken than others. [Aaron] That's a great point. [Jennifer] Some people would use an object like say, this coffee cup. If it was broken and leaking, you'd wanna discard it. And I think we get there sometimes where we go, "No, I'm too broken. I can't be used. Discard me. Just don't let me participate in what's happening because I'm not worthy. I can't." [Aaron] Right. And this isn't a a point to say, if you're walking in unrepentant sin, "Oh, God will still use you". This is talking about if you're walking in that, you should repent. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And be with Christ. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] But this is talking about a believer who is thinking that they can't be used because of XYZ. But Christ, it says that he picks the weak things to confirm the strong. And though and the foolish thing to confound the wise. [Jennifer] It also says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So we all are right there in the same boat. [Aaron] And that's the truth is that Christ came for sinners, and that he didn't leave us there. He's given us a purpose. The same way, this is just a quick side note. The people of Israel before they became a nation, they were slaves. That's like the state of man before Christ, were slaves to sin, were dead, right? And then we pulled us out. He brings us into this, out of the world and He gives us His law. He writes it on our hearts by His Spirit. He gives us of His Spirit, He becomes our God. And this is what God did for His people. He said, "I will be your God, and you will be my people." He gives them their law, and He gives them a nation, and then He gives them work to do. He says, "Go build me a tabernacle." He gives them a laws and things to do. And so when he draws us into His kingdom, He does the same. He makes us a people for Him, to work for Him. [Jennifer] That's good. So we're talking about our identity being in Christ. And we really need to figure out if we're believing what His Word says about us, or if we're believing lies. Are we comparing ourselves are we doubting that we have been given enough to be able to fulfill his purposes that He has for us. And so just a reminder, getting past this kind of first portion of what we're talking about I think it's good to think about that this week. [Aaron] Yeah, in First Corinthians 12:12-13 it says, "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body though many are one body, so it is with Christ." Again, this is just reiterating what we just read in another place, in another way. "For in one spirit we were all baptized into one body, Jews or Greeks, slaver free. And all were made to drink of one spirit." So you have the Spirit of God just like I do. So if you're struggling, and Jennifer, me and you we've gone through this with ourselves, with things that we walk in like, "Why did I do that again? Why do I think that way again?" And the lie from the enemy os gonna say, "Well, maybe you're not saved enough." Maybe you haven't been given enough by God. And maybe you don't have enough of the Spirit of God. So you can't. Now, we've been given of one spirit. There's another spot in the Bible that says that we've been given all things that pertain to life and godliness in Christ Jesus. So in Christ, we have what we need because he has given us what we need. If you are in Christ, if you are a believer, God has sent His Spirit to live inside of you. That's the truth. [Jennifer] What if someone's listening right now and they're not a believer? [Aaron] If you are listening right now and you are not a believer, then Believe in the Lord Jesus. That God sent him. That he died to forgive you of your sins. And that not only did he die, but God raised Him from the dead so that you can have new life. And that is the only Way to the Father. That's the only way to be with God is believing in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. That's it. [Jennifer] And then go read a phenomenal love story called The Bible, start in Genesis and just watch it unfold before your eyes. Okay, so this next part is pretty cool. I'm gonna jump into. [Aaron] So again, if you're doubting whether you have the Spirit of God or not or if you have enough of the Spirit, I wanna just read what it talks about in 2 Chronicles. There's a beautiful picture of this, how God fills every one of us so completely. And this is the truth. After Solomon, King Solomon completed the temple he prayed to consecrate the temple. And in 2 Chronicles 7:1 it says, "As soon as Solomon finished his prayer." This was a long prayer. "Fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering, and the sacrifices, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple." [Jennifer] So not just like parts of it. [Aaron] It filled it. It actually, I didn't put this verse in here but it says He filled it so much that they could not enter. He filled every part of it. He filled all of the temple, not just parts of it. Wasn't like, just the Holy of Holies was filled. Every ounce of the temple was filled with the Holy Spirit. And guess what friends? We are the temple. Not made with hands, but by God himself. And he doesn't fill a portion of His temple. So like me and Jennifer, we're filled with his glory. And that person over there was but this kind of area over here in the body was not filled. [Jennifer] Were those ones over there were completely filled with even, and some. [Aaron] Yeah, so they got more and we got a little bit. No. He doesn't just fill a portion of His temple or just the biggest parts of it only, He fills the whole temple. Okay? 1 Corinthians 6:19. [Jennifer] This is the verse that came to my mind. [Aaron] "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God. You are not your own." So our body is a temple, the body of Christ is assemble. We are filled with His spirit. [Jennifer] In 2 Corinthians 6:16. It says, What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God and they shall be my people." [Aaron] So what are we? [Jennifer] Were the temple of God. [Aaron] Right. And so He dwells among us. And He walks with us, and He's our God, and where His people. Doesn't matter who you are. If you're in Christ, He's your God, you're His people. You're His temple. He dwells in you. He's filled you. [Jennifer] Here's another, just after reading that verse I guess another place you can stop into a heart check and see are there any idols in your life that you've agreed to, or put up on a pedestal above the Lord? Sometimes we're focusing on one part of Scripture, but all of it's just as important. So if you guys. [Aaron] It's true. [Jennifer] I don't mean to be distracting, but it's important that we... [Aaron] Well, that's a good point 'cause knowing that God has filled us, there should be no room for idols. 'Cause what we're doing is we're pushing it in the place of where the Holy Spirit is. We're like moving it. And we don't want that. So what God has given us in Christ is enough. Believer, listen, what God has given you in Christ is enough. [Jennifer] And it's complete. [Aaron] It's perfect. Ephesians 3:14-21, "For this reason, I bow my knee before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named that according to the riches of His glory, He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit, in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, that you being rooted and grounded in love." We talked about love last episode, "May have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and height, and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. That you may be filled with all the fullness of God." that's incredible. All the fullness of God. "Now, to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Where is that work happening? [Jennifer] Within us. [Aaron] Within us. [Jennifer] Don't forget that. [Aaron] "To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever, amen. [Jennifer] Amen. [Aaron] So the spirit He's given us and the work that is happening within us is for the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations. So the reason He's given you everything, the reason he's given you what you need is for his church, and for all generations to partake in. So I don't know if you feel like you've been useless and not needed. [Jennifer] Overlooked. [Aaron] Overlooked. Know this, that what God is putting you is the very same thing that He's put in me. And is to be the for the glory in the church, and in Christ Jesus through all generations. [Jennifer] That's so good Aaron. And I really appreciate your passion when it comes to the word and how you read it and how you share it. [Aaron] Thank you. [Jennifer] As you're reading something that I noticed was... I mean, I've known it but it stood out once again is that when it says... Let me go back up really quick. "And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God, and that knowing the fullness of God is tied in with knowing the love of Christ." I just love that. I think it's so beautiful. [Aaron] And what's amazing, so fullness of God. That's a lot. [Jennifer] I know. [Aaron] Right? It doesn't feel like it all the time. But it's the truth. Which is why we can recognize when we have walked in a way that's wrong. And we can return back to God and say, "Oh, that's not who I am. I don't walk that way anymore. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for changing and transforming and sanctifying me." [Jennifer] So even when we fall or sin, or choose unrighteousness, if we're able to see clearly and repent and be reconciled, we'll see that He's even still working. [Aaron] Well, I would say we can repent- [Jennifer] Because He's working. [Aaron] Because the fullness of God is in us. So my prayer today is that each of us would recognize what is living in us. [Jennifer] Who is living in us. [Aaron] Yeah. We must never forget who is working within us. [Jennifer] Colossians 1:27 says, "To them, God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." [Aaron] Man! I just hope everyone is being encouraged by this. Because we need to remember this. We need to be reminded of this week. I need a daily that Christ is in me. And the riches of that glory of that, and that mystery is in me. It's just awesome. Romans 8:10-11. "But if Christ is in you although the body is dead because of sin, the spirit is life because of righteousness." [Jennifer] His righteousness, right? [Aaron] Yeah. If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. [Jennifer] I just love that it is so specific that it says it also gives life to your mortal bodies. And it's not immortal bodily bodies. It's not once we get to eternity then, it's right here right now in our mortal human bodies occupying this earth, He will also give life to through His Spirit. [Aaron] And it doesn't say if the Spirit dwells in you, it says, "through His Spirit who dwells in you." That person of God dwells in you. He's there. It's just, yeah. Okay. That was a lot. [Jennifer] So just to wrap this up, Aaron. For those who may be agreeing with you that all of this is true, what we're saying. But they've been wrestling, they've been in a place where they have seen themselves as less than or haven't been walking in that confidence of God in me and making those choices to participate in what God is doing in this world and choosing to fulfill those purposes that God has for them, What do they do now? Right now? [Aaron] One of the biggest messages in the "Marriage After God" book is say yes. Yes, God. "Yes, I will go. Yes, I will do. Yes, I will say." [Jennifer] Then step out of the boat. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Like Peter did. [Aaron] Yeah. We talked about in the book. And it's looking at your life and saying, "What is mine is God's." It could be your dinner table. It could be your baking skills. It could be opening up your backyard. It could be- [Jennifer] Sitting with that friend. [Aaron] Sitting with that friend quietly. It could be writing a book. It could be writing a song. It could be... And we're mentioning these ideas, but God is so infinite. Like there's so many things. I have no idea what good work God has prepared for you before the foundations. [Jennifer] But we know this is true because it says so in Scripture. You're a member of the body and every member has a different function. And that function is important. [Aaron] Yeah, so be used. [Jennifer] Be used. [Aaron] Say yes to God. All right, we're moving on to the last couple parts of this episode where we talk about what we're grateful for, which is a beautiful thing that Jennifer been encouraging us to do. [Jennifer] Something I've been trying to walk in more. [Aaron] Attitudes of gratefulness this year. So what are you grateful for Jennifer? [Jennifer] I was thinking about this, and I was just thinking how grateful I am for photos, photographs, even home videos. I think being able to look back at old photos it just melts my heart, especially photos of my kids. I remember being little and as I got older, I like to look at old pictures of myself to remember what I looked like. Like, as a baby. I just thought that was fascinating. And I think for anyone, that's lucky enough to have photos of people that they love or photos of themselves, even. I think it's a gift of time travel and they tell stories. I don't think that we should get wrapped up in taking a bunch of selfies, although affects your thing. [Aaron] Are there albums full of pictures of yourself? There's probably. [Jennifer] I like that there's evidence. I like that there's proof of life in a photograph. [Aaron] One thing I remember about your grandma, I think it was right in the front doorway. She just had like tons of photo albums from like every year. I remember it's . And you've been doing a lot more printing of photos which I think is amazing. [Jennifer] I feel like I actually made a mistake, which is contrary to what I just said about photos. But I told myself that I was gonna give a gift to each one of my kids have a scrapbook. Like a very tangible, stickers and all. [Aaron] Mind you, you started this three days before Christmas. [Jennifer] Yeah. I said gift, and I didn't say Christmas gift. But yes, that was my intention. And I just got a late start on it. So now it has become a- [Aaron] Pile of beautiful photos. [Jennifer] A pile of beautiful photos that one day I will give to my children. But I know that it will make them feel good that mom has a little treasure trove of photos for them. And one day I will get to it. Scrapbooking's not easy. [Aaron] Well, yours is a beautiful thing to be grateful for. I'm grateful for merino wool. [Jennifer] You have to explain that one. [Aaron] Well, I've always had... How should I say this, moist feet. But ever since finding merino wool socks, and merino wool shoes, even. [Jennifer] This sound like an ad . [Aaron] I'm just saying. I've really liked merino wool 'cause it has changed my life. [Jennifer] Cool. So your feet don't sweat anymore. [Aaron] Nope. [Jennifer] Not that you know of. [Aaron] Not that I know of, yeah. [Jennifer] 'cause the wool just soaks it all up, nasty. [Aaron] They're also really comfortable socks and really comfortable shoes. But no, I'm really grateful for merino wool. That was God's invention. It comes off of a sheep somewhere. It's great. [Jennifer] Awesome. Well, we just share these for you guys in hopes of spurring you on to consider things that you're grateful for. It could be the smallest of things, to the greatest of things. And our encouragement is for you to consider that this week, what you're grateful for and then share it with someone. Share it with the Lord, share it with your spouse, share it with a friend, or a random stranger. We need more of that these days. But that's our message of gratefulness to you. [Aaron] Awesome. All right, let's close out in prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for the uniqueness of your body, the church. Thank you for the thoughtfulness you have put into each one of us individually and the thoughtfulness of how you have brought us all together to make up one body. Thank you for the many different functions we all contribute too, for your name to bring you glory. Thank you for your word which provides the message we all share. We are so grateful that your word encourages us and reminds us of your great love. We pray we would dive into your word this week and being encouraged again and again by it. We also pray we would have eyes to see how you are working within us and how you are working within our marriages. We praise you in Jesus name, amen. We love you all. And just again, please consider leaving a review. Would you also be our share warriors this week and share this episode with someone, anyone. Maybe your social media, and email text message. We wanna use you guys to spread the word. And yeah, we look forward to having you next week. We love you all. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 06 Mar 2025 | Four Decisions for an Easier Marriage, The Power of Intentional Fun, Marriage Before Kids - w/ Arlene Pellicane | 00:59:11 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Arlene Pellicane, author of ten books including her latest, "Making Marriage Easier." After 25 years of marriage and raising three children (two now in college), Arlene shares practical wisdom about cultivating a thriving marriage relationship. Her humorous approach combined with biblical principles offers couples a refreshing perspective on how small, intentional decisions can transform their relationship. In this insightful conversation, we explore:
Whether you're newlyweds learning to navigate life together, parents struggling to find balance, or a couple looking to inject more joy into your relationship, this conversation offers practical wisdom for making marriage not just work, but thrive. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Arlene Pellicane:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2025 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Arlene Pellicane, making marriage easier, marriage priorities, family relationships, intentional parenting, gratitude in marriage, marriage communication, marriage humor, serving your spouse, marriage decisions, biblical marriage, marriage boundaries, marriage fun Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 21 Sep 2023 | 1 of 8 - How To Pray For Your Spouse And Marriage: Lessons And Principles From Jesus | 00:34:30 | |
Support this podcast and your marriage and grab a copy of The Marriage Gift: 365 Prayers For Our Marriage today! HTTP://themarriagegift.com This 8-part series will go through the teaching of Jesus on prayer in Matthew 6. Each episode of this 8 part series will discuss one or 2 verses from his teaching on prayer and pull out the lessons and principles that we can apply to our own prayer journey in our personal life and marriage. Episode 1 will focus on Matthew 6:5 "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward." Here are some of the questions we attempt to answer in this episode.
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Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 02 Oct 2019 | Encouragement for Newlyweds | 00:44:16 | |
Everyone can use a little encouragement now and then so whether you just got married (congrats!) or you've been married for a long time stay tuned for today's episode! After all, don't we all want to have the newlywed exuberance, excitement, and love? Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 13 Jan 2020 | Fun & Unique Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Your Spouse | 00:41:21 | |
With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we thought it would be fun to share some gift ideas to help inspire you. All of the gifts we share in this episode are things that we love and use often. ONE QUICK NOTE: If you are trying to get out of debt we suggest skipping gifts for a while. Instead, find free ways to bless each other and show your spouse your are thinking of them. We never want to promote spending when we can't or shouldn't.
PRAYER: Dear Lord, Thank you for being the ultimate gift giver. Thank You for the gift of marriage. We pray our hearts would be pure in the way we give gifts to each other. We pray we would be thoughtful in the ways we give to each other. Help us to study and know our spouse well enough to give them gifts we know they will love. More than giving good gifts, we pray our love would be genuine and deep and extraordinary as we pursue intimacy with each other. Grow our love for one another…. In Jesus’ name, amen!
READ THE TRANSCRIPT - [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with "Marriage After God."
- [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
- [Aaron] And today we're gonna share some unique Valentine's Day gift ideas for your spouse. Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
- [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife.
- [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution.
- [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade.
- [Aaron] And so far we have four young children.
- [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
- [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
- [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life--
- [Aaron] Love--
- [Jennifer] And power--
- [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.
- [Jennifer] Together.
- [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
- [Jennifer] This is "Marriage After God."
- [Aaron] Hey, welcome back to another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast. This is the second episode in season three of the "Marriage After God" podcast, and it's gonna be a fun one. We're gonna talk about gift ideas and Valentine's Day, and these are fun episodes that we get to do. It's just to become a resource for you to help you in stuff that you guys are trying to pursue with each other. But before we begin today, I just wanna check in with my wife. How are you doing?
- [Jennifer] I'm doing good, I'm doing better, I should say.
- [Aaron] Yeah.
- [Jennifer] I don't know if people can hear it in my voice, I--
- [Aaron] She hasn't stopped laughing for 15 minutes.
- [Jennifer] It's been really hard, guys. We went to go record this episode and I could not stop laughing. Something was hysterical but really it was nothing, and that made it even funnier.
- [Aaron] And I'm sitting over here not laughing.
- [Jennifer] Though I think it's spiritual because we're trying to record. I couldn't stop, but I finally got my bearings and I'm here, and I'm excited to do this with you, Aaron.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so, me too, now. It's the second week of the year, 2020, new decade. How do you think things are going? I know it's new, but.
- [Jennifer] Yes, I would say so far, so good. I mean, I'm still looking forward to this year. I think one thing that I've already been noticing is that I have this hopefulness to savor this year so that it doesn't feel like it flies by super fast.
- [Aaron] Yeah, 2019 felt like it went really fast.
- [Jennifer] Really fast.
- [Aaron] Every time I looked at the calendar, I was like, wait a minute, we're in the third quarter. What's going on?
- [Jennifer] Yeah, how is this already possible? So I'm hoping that this year just is a slow year for us and for our family.
- [Aaron] Yeah. Well, seeing our kids grow up also.
- [Jennifer] It breaks my heart, really.
- [Aaron] It feels like it's going way too fast.
- [Jennifer] Why do they have to grow up every year? If they skipped a year, it'd be cool.
- [Aaron] I actually think time is going by faster 'cause when I was kid, I remember time feeling like it was going so slow.
- [Jennifer] Playing in the backyard for hours.
- [Aaron] And then people say when you get older, time flies or goes faster. But we even asked our kids, and my son Elliott, he was like, "Dad, why does it feel like every day goes by so fast?" So my son--
- [Jennifer] Even feels that.
- [Aaron] Is even feeling time go by fast, so I'm wondering if there's something to that. Maybe the earth is spinning faster or something like that, I don't know.
- [Jennifer] There's still 24 hours in a day.
- [Aaron] Yeah, just real quick, what is something you're looking forward to in 2020? I know that there's stuff around our house that you like to do.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, so specifically this week, I'm really excited to prune our trees. When we moved into this house, it was kind of bare ground in the sense that we got to do whatever we wanted with it and we decided, on the side of our house, we had this space. I really wanted to plant a little mini orchard. So if you follow me on Instagram, you'll see pictures of it throughout the seasons.
- [Aaron] We've got some apples, we've got some peaches.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, and I've never been able, I've never really had the opportunity to cultivate fruit trees before. I really don't know what I'm doing, thank you YouTube and friends who share their information with me. But I've just learned kind of the art of pruning and I practice it, and January's my time to practice. And so this week I'm gonna get out there. I use pruning to shape the trees and also to keep them, to keep their form small because our backyard is small.
- [Aaron] Yeah, we don't want them to get huge. We wanna keep them small trees.
- [Jennifer] But also, though, pruning stimulates growth which is exciting, so it's kind of like--
- [Aaron] It's almost biblical.
- [Jennifer] It is biblical, which I also love that whole thing about that.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and you've been loving doing it. It's therapeutic for you.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, so even in the summertime, I'm actually looking forward to January 'cause I think, oh I get to prune my trees again.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and we also get to see the fruit that comes from it, literally. Like literally fruit grow on these trees. Something that I'm looking forward to doing this year, and I'm trying to do, I've already implemented it already. I bought a journal for each one of my kids and I'm gonna, we did this parenting class a couple months ago and I felt convicted that I'm not taking time to study my children. And that sounds intense, but I'm not taking time to just evaluate the things that they like, the things that they say, how they act.
- [Jennifer] What they're going through.
- [Aaron] What they're going through, yeah. Evaluating their spiritual, where they're at spiritually, where they're at in their heart and emotionally, and even physically. So I'm just, I don't know how exactly I'm gonna do it. I started doing it, I'm just writing notes down in a journal about each kid.
- [Jennifer] But I have to, I was gonna say, I have to explain this whole, what happened, because you didn't tell me that you were gonna be doing this and he's unboxing these journals on the bed. And I didn't know they were journals at first. I just saw these different colors.
- [Aaron] She's like, "What are you doing?"
- [Jennifer] I'm all, "Are those Christmas presents?" 'cause this was just a couple weeks ago. And I thought they were a part of all the other gifts that were coming in from Amazon. And he goes, "Oh, they're journals for the kids "and each one," and he holds up the yellow one. And I'm like, "Is that for Wyatt?" and he goes, "Yup," 'cause yellow, Wyatt calls himself the yellow boy, yeah he likes yellow. And you got a pinkish purple one for Olive.
- [Aaron] A blue one for Elliott.
- [Jennifer] And I think a gray one for Truett.
- [Aaron] Yeah, oh I think that's backwards. I think the gray one's for Elliott and blue one's for Truett.
- [Jennifer] Okay. And so he's putting them on his shelf and he's like, "You know, I just, I really feel "like I need to study my kids," and my heart sank in a good way. It was such a beautiful picture of a dad's heart for his children and something I never even thought to do myself.
- [Aaron] You do have a journal for the kids, though.
- [Jennifer] I write to them, though.
- [Aaron] You write them letters.
- [Jennifer] I write them letters and prayers, and it's quarterly, so I don't do it all the time. But this is different. This is a way for you to get to know them in a very deep and personal way, and to keep your eyes on them. And I just, I was blown away by that. And so I'm really excited for you and jumping into this, even though I know you're still figuring out what it's gonna look like.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and I'm not doing it every day. My intention originally was to do it every day. And I'm like, okay, I can't do that.
- [Jennifer] We got a lot of kids.
- [Aaron] Yeah, but when I think about it, I'm gonna pull them out and I'm gonna write down observations of my children in it. And so it's not necessarily for them, it's for me. But one day they'll probably read it and they'll learn a little bit about themselves, probably. Okay, cool. So I just wanna encourage everyone that's listening to download a free thing that we came up with for you guys. It's called "52 Date Night Conversation Starters". It's an e-book that we made for you. And the point of it was to inspire your date life. We have a whole episode talking about date nights and putting it on the calendar, and you should go check that out. We're real huge advocates for having a scheduled date night.
- [Jennifer] We're also huge advocates for conversations and communicating well with your spouse, which is why we've combined these two. And we wanted to give you something that would stimulate those really good conversations during date night.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so you go to DateNightConversations.com, all one word. And you can download it for free, just give us your email address and boom, you'll have that PDF. And what you do is you can print it out. And there's one for every week of the year. And so the encouragement is, hey go on a date every week. And what's awesome is that you're gonna have a conversation about something deep. Why don't you give some examples?
- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, so that's your freebie. But here's your freebie. This is for everyone listening. We're gonna give you three sample questions that you could ask on the date night. This is what you would get if you were to sign up for this. So the first one is, I thank God for our life together because.
- [Aaron] Dot, dot, dot.
- [Jennifer] So you get to answer that.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and then you spend the time, while you're eating or getting a dessert, or going for a walk or whatever, and talk about that question.
- [Jennifer] So the next one is, is there any part of my work routine that is negatively impacting our marriage or our family? So I feel like this is a really good one to kind of evaluate, where are we at, what's going on, and what can I contribute to this by sharing my heart with you?
- [Aaron] Right, and if work routine doesn't work in both roles, you could say routine. Is there anything during my day that I do regularly that maybe needs to be massaged, moved around, cut out all together?
- [Jennifer] Yeah, and the recommendation is that you guys ask each other the same question.
- [Aaron] Exactly. Number three is, if we envision ourselves in our 90s, sitting on the porch in matching rocking chairs, if you would look over at me and say, "I wish we,"
- [Jennifer] Dot, dot, dot.
- [Aaron] Yeah, so it's this idea that, why don't you transport yourself to 90 years from now, or when you're 90, and then ask yourself what you would have been doing today. That's kind of the idea. But these are fun, creative, there's 52 of them. This is just three of the 52. So we wanna encourage you to go get that DateNightConversations.com. Completely free, go download that.
- [Jennifer] All right, today's topic is unique gift ideas for him and her on Valentine's Day. And the reason we wanted to bring this up is 'cause in just a few weeks, everyone around the world is gonna be celebrating Valentine's Day. Not everyone, but you know, a lot of people.
- [Aaron] Not in some countries. I don't even know who celebrates it, but, lots of people.
- [Jennifer] My point is this, it's gonna be in our faces. It's gonna be everywhere. And we just thought we'd give it some thought beforehand because if you're like Aaron and I, getting inspired is key for gift giving in marriage.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and can I be a little honest about my disposition towards Valentine's Day?
- [Jennifer] Quickly, go.
- [Aaron] Okay, I'm just gonna be quick.
- [Jennifer] Hold on, let me cover my ears.
- [Aaron] I'm not a huge fan of feeling obligated to give gifts, and I feel like sometimes certain holidays do that. That's not to say if you love doing this, and you love the holiday, don't listen to me. But if you're kinda like me, then don't feel like this podcast is for you, necessarily. Or maybe it might inspire you and you won't feel like I feel sometimes. I'm just being honest, sometimes I feel. But I've had to, I've been challenged by people in my life to not take it as an obligation, but take it as an opportunity.
- [Jennifer] Opportunity, I like that. Also, I just wanna encourage those of you who are listening and maybe you're not married yet, that you can use these gift ideas for a significant other in your life. Maybe you're dating or--
- [Aaron] Or a family member, maybe.
- [Jennifer] Or a fiance.
- [Aaron] Or a friend that's also single with you. That's a good idea.
- [Jennifer] Okay, so gift giving is actually an art. I think it is. I don't think I'm very good at it.
- [Aaron] Some people are gifted at it, for sure.
- [Jennifer] When I think about how I give gifts, sometimes I'm so embarrassed because my wrapping skills are off the charts terrible.
- [Aaron] Your rapping skills, like rhymes, or wrapping?
- [Jennifer] No, like wrapping paper.
- [Aaron] But that sometimes makes the gift even better, the way you wrap it.
- [Jennifer] I always opt for the bag and tissue 'cause I don't like, I can make it look cool without having to do much work.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and it is an art form. Some people are really gifted at it naturally. They're just so thoughtful in the way that they give gifts. And some of us aren't that way. So sometimes we just need to be inspired with ideas. That's kinda the point of this podcast.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, so Aaron and I, why don't we just share a little bit of our experience of giving gifts in marriage and what that journey's been like.
- [Aaron] I've tried to be really creative over the years, and some of them hit big, some of them flopped. And it's not necessarily that you didn't like the gifts, they're just, they're different, the way that they are received and the intention behind it versus how it actually turns out.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I'd also say it depends on what's going on in that season of life that that gift is given because one of the things I'm gonna share later, I'll point it out later 'cause I don't wanna give it away yet, but it was very significant to the season of life I was in. It stood out to me more.
- [Aaron] And we've done all sorts of things. Sometimes we don't give gifts on certain days. Sometimes we do experiences, we do things together.
- [Jennifer] Sometimes we just look over at each other when the time is coming and we go, "We're not doing gifts, right?"
- [Aaron] And we're like, "No, no gifts. "Promise me you're not gonna."
- [Jennifer] If we're on the same page, it's good. If we're not on the same page or haven't talked about it, then feelings--
- [Aaron] Remember, conversations. We talk about these things.
- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, there have been times where I've felt a little neglected or left out. I don't know if you ever have, but sometimes you look at an opportunity and maybe you didn't get something you expected to get or desired to get.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and we weren't gonna talk about this, but I do wanna just encourage anyone that, a day like Valentine's Day shouldn't be an opportunity for us to feel neglected.
- [Jennifer] Or hurt.
- [Aaron] Or hurt. Let's not let it turn into that. If it goes the other way and it's an opportunity to bless and love, and to enjoy a moment together and time together, but let's not let it do the other thing. Let's be above that as Christians.
- [Jennifer] 'Cause it comes out in our responses.
- [Aaron] It does. And we make expectations and criteria that don't necessarily need to be there and we can put burdens and obligations on our spouse or on our fiance that doesn't need to be there. So let's be above that. Let's take the opportunity to maybe use it as an opportunity to bless and love your spouse. But let's not let it do the opposite.
- [Jennifer] That's good. And I just wanna make a note that our ability, Aaron, to give gifts to each other has really grown over time because as we get to know each other more, 'cause we're always getting to know each other. And we recognize the things that inspire us or things that we're learning about and we give gifts based off of those things. It's been really thoughtful.
- [Aaron] Thank you.
- [Jennifer] And then other times, just the thoughtfulness of bringing your spouse their favorite candy. Sometimes even those moments can stand out because they're like, "They know me." That feels good to be known in that way.
- [Aaron] And you've done that, you know I like candy. I don't eat it all the time, but.
- [Jennifer] Aaron's an easy gift receiver.
- [Aaron] I'm easy to shop for, I would say. 'Cause I don't ask for much, just candy.
- [Jennifer] Just candy.
- [Aaron] Good & Plentys, to be specific, so if anyone out there wants to get me candy, or Hot Tamales. Okay, I just wanna do one quick note before another quick note.
- [Jennifer] How many quick notes do we got?
- [Aaron] Lots of quick notes. We don't want this to, we're not gonna try to over spiritualize this. We didn't grab a bunch of scriptures to be like, "See how powerful gift giving can be?" To be honest, we just wanted to have fun with this and give you some gift ideas. And I think it'd be wrong of us to try and turn this into a overly spiritual, here's the rules on how to give gifts. We just wanted to give you some ideas, things that we've loved, things that we've used. And you can take them or leave them. I think it'll just be a simple fun episode.
- [Jennifer] Another quick note is that if you're trying to get out of debt, we suggest skipping gifts for a while. Instead, find free ways to bless each other and show your spouse you're thinking of them. And I'll just give you a handful right here. DIY gifts with materials you already have. Using a talent like drawing, I did this before. I think it was for Christmas. I drew you a picture of us kissing. And it was a really small five by seven, I framed it, it was cute.
- [Aaron] I think we have it somewhere still.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, I do, it's in the mudroom.
- [Aaron] Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- [Jennifer] I cherish it.
- [Aaron] No it's just somewhere I don't ever see. But I like it. Yeah, writing a note, a song, a poem. Those things have deep meaning. But again, the reason I wanted to bring this up is because I don't want anyone to think that we're advocating you should go spend money you don't have. Or that you should spend money when you're trying to get out of debt. Valentine's Day is just another day. It might be an opportunity to give a gift, but you don't have to.
- [Jennifer] We're actually bigger advocates for getting out debt than we are to give gifts.
- [Aaron] That's the best gift.
- [Jennifer] Get out of debt.
- [Aaron] Spouses get out of debt, yeah. So yeah, and real quick, some of our favorite gifts we've received, my favorite thing that I pretty much received is whenever Jennifer has done some sort of special event with me. Either planning a birthday party, which she's done a couple times, or planned a guy's hangout time. She's like, "Hey, I've already set it up. "Here's your friends. "You guys are going here, go hang out, go have fun." Those kinds of things have been really special for me. She knows that I love being around people.
- [Jennifer] He's so social, you guys.
- [Aaron] And Jennifer would love to sit on the couch with me and not do anything. So for her to set something up like that, which makes her not be with me, and gives me time to go be with friends is a huge thing for me. And so those have always been really special to me. And what's been special to you, gifts that we've given?
- [Jennifer] Well the first thing that comes to my mind is all my children, each one of them are a gift.
- [Aaron] You're right.
- [Jennifer] Do you love me for that?
- [Aaron] Couldn't have done it without me.
- [Jennifer] Okay, so the gift that I was thinking about earlier that was very significant to my season of life and it just stands out to me, was Mother's Day 2015. It was just a couple, maybe a week and a half after I had Olive, and there was a little bag sitting on the table for me for Mother's Day. And I opened it up and it was a pendant with an O on it for Olive to match my E that I had for Elliott. So it was one of those--
- [Aaron] You have a necklace that has, you put little letter pendants on it.
- [Jennifer] And it was so thoughtful. It was something I hadn't asked for, which I think that would be my big thing. Is when you give me a surprise or a gift of something that I never requested or asked for, but you know me and you did it because you love me. Those are the kinds of gifts that really stand out to me. Those are my favorite.
- [Aaron] And I know that about you.
- [Jennifer] That's good.
- [Aaron] That you, here's a little quick tip for all the husbands. Just listen to your wife and she'll tell you what she wants throughout the year and you just write them all down and then pick one of them. And they'll be surprised 'cause they'll forget that they said it, but you won't.
- [Jennifer] But it won't sound like a request. It'll just be like a nonchalant, "Oh I really like this." Or, "I really love that."
- [Aaron] "And I wish I had a--" Or, "I've always wanted one of those." That's how they come out.
- [Jennifer] We try and be subtle.
- [Aaron] All right, hey let's just get into some of these gift ideas. We're first gonna give ideas for the men.
- [Jennifer] So all the men have to close their ears, right?
- [Aaron] No. Or they could listen.
- [Jennifer] Sorry guys, this is kinda like giving it away but not.
- [Aaron] So these are all things that I use and have really enjoyed. They're not necessarily gifts that Jennifer's gotten for me, but I'm putting them out there as, hey this would be great because I've loved them and I think other men would love them. I'm gonna start off with my ESV Heirloom Study Bible. It's made out of goat skin, it's all black, it's huge. I love it, I never thought I'd love this big of a bible, but I really love it. And it's pricey, right now it's on Amazon for 217 bucks, where it's usually $375, so it's actually like a hundred bucks off, over a hundred bucks off.
- [Jennifer] Also just a quick side note that these prices could change, depending on when you're listening to this episode. If you're not listening to it at the weekly launch, prices can change.
- [Aaron] Yeah, we have no clue. I have no control over the price.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, and this goes for everything that we list.
- [Aaron] Yeah, I also wanna give a note, we're not being sponsored by any of these people. These are things that we actually have used and loved and enjoyed. I love this bible. It's got 20,000 plus study notes in it. It's got 80,000 plus cross references. Over 200 charts, 50 plus articles, and 240 full color maps and illustrations which I really love because they'll show you an illustration of the temple right in the middle of a chapter when it's talking about a temple. So you get this picture, and you're like whoa, and you see the temple, and it visualizes what you're reading.
- [Jennifer] There's something else it has that you've left off and I just know this because I like this feature about your bible. The different ribbon.
- [Aaron] It's got four ribbons.
- [Jennifer] Instead of just one.
- [Aaron] And I use them, actually. When I teach at church, I have all the ribbons in the spots that I'm trying to jump to.
- [Jennifer] And it's really great because sometimes I don't want to move my ribbon because I want it there for a reason, but I wish I had another one, so I end up sticking a napkin or something.
- [Aaron] Yeah, something in there.
- [Jennifer] Something, whatever's closest to me, a business card, so I like that feature.
- [Aaron] Yeah, it's ESV, I love the ESV translation. It's an amazing bible, it's beautiful too, when you look at it. I know it's expensive, but I wanted to put a note out there. We spend money on lots of other less important things. Why not spend some money on an heirloom family bible that you're gonna hand down to your kids? Just a thought. The second thing is a wallet. Not any wallet, this is a special wallet. It's by a company called Saddleback Leather. And it's awesome. I've had this wallet since 2014.
- [Jennifer] Just to clarify, it's not a dad wallet. So a dad wallet is about five--
- [Aaron] It's not this 14 inch dad wallet.
- [Jennifer] That has everything. But it's more compact and it's simple, and it's perfect.
- [Aaron] It's made out of genuine leather. It's hand stitched. This thing's beautiful. Saddleback Leather has what they call a hundred year warranty. It's like a lifetime warranty, but it's way better 'cause it's called a hundred year warranty. If anything happens, if the threading comes off, if the leather starts to tear, they'll replace it, no questions asked.
- [Jennifer] And it's not the kind that folds open. What you have is just a single kind of billfold.
- [Aaron] Yeah, they call it a front pocket wallet. It's a single thing and it's got these slots. And it's got an open pocket for the ID. And so it doesn't fold open. It literally just stays really compact, really small. And it lasts forever. I've had this since 2014. It's got a few, it's really worn down, really nice and soft. I love this wallet. It keeps me from having too much stuff in my wallet, as well because it only can hold so much. I wish you could see it. I'm holding it right now in my hands. Go check it out though, go to SaddlebackLeather.com, SaddlebackLeather.com, and check it out. It's 49 bucks, it's super cheap actually, 'cause I've seen prices on other wallets and they're really expensive. But for how long this lasts, for the quality of it, for how it feels, for how small it is, I think it's an awesome gift idea for any guy. Unless you're the kind of guy that loves their super thick wallet. Number three, and this goes back to, remember we were talking about the journals I bought to write in for my kids. This is by a company called Baron Fig. Baron, B-A-R-O-N F-I-G, Baron Fig. And they're called the confident hardcover notebook. And these notebooks, they did a lot of research on what people are looking for in a notebook. It lays flat, the way the paper feels, the thickness of the paper, the way the pens write on the paper. Everything about it has been manufactured to fit perfectly what you would want in a journal.
- [Jennifer] And you've been using them for years.
- [Aaron] For years, when I buy a journal, I buy one of theirs. They range from $12 to 22 bucks. Their standard size one, I think it's like $17 or $14. It's not expensive at all. And they ship really fast. They've got 100 and something pages in it. They're just great journals. I use them all the time, I have a couple in my desk right here. Their largest one, I use as my bible study journal and they lay perfectly flat. You just open it up, it lays flat on the table. It doesn't have to, the pages don't bend or anything like that. It's called Baron Fig confident hardcover notebook. Those are awesome. And those are all the journals I bought to write for my kids in it. Number four, this is a little bit more pricey of an item, but--
- [Jennifer] Like much more pricier.
- [Aaron] It's much more pricey, but man, this has got some major benefits to your wife.
- [Jennifer] It's true.
- [Aaron] So wives that are listening, it's not just a gift for your husband. This is a gift for you and you'll see why. It's my Traeger smoker, it's a grill where you can smoke pretty much anything you want on it. And how often do you think I use my smoker?
- [Jennifer] At least once, but even sometimes up to three times a week. It just depends on what it's for, what's going on.
- [Aaron] Pretty much every Sunday, I bring something smoked to church. I smoke a tri tip, or a brisket. That's kind of something I love to bring to church for our after church potluck. And so my church benefits from it even, too. I'm selling this pretty hard. I love my smoker. But they range from anywhere from 400 to $900, a smoker grill.
- [Jennifer] And Traeger's just one brand.
- [Aaron] Trager's one brand, they're not the cheapest brand but they're super high quality. It's the one I have. But there's tons of other brands. There's one called Green Mountain. They have pretty affordable models. They're a great brand. Another one is Pit Boss. Camp Chef is one of the top of the line brands that are out there. And then while doing my research on this, there's a really affordable brand called Z Grills and yeah, you should expect to pay between 400 and $900. But man, we get a lot of use out of this thing. I use it all the time. There's nights that Jennifer's like, "Are you gonna be--"
- [Jennifer] What sides should I make?
- [Aaron] Yeah, "What sides am I making, "'cause you're smoking some pork." Or we're smoking some chicken, we use it all the time. And the flavor you get in the meat is just so good. Anyways, I love my smoker. I couldn't not bring it up because of how much I love it. And how useful it's been to the family, to the church, to giving you breaks for dinners. It's just been amazing.
- [Jennifer] Would you recommend a wife just picking one out for her husband, or more of like a certificate of I wanna get this for you, let's talk about it.
- [Aaron] That's a good point. To be honest, I think they should just, when it comes to these kinds of purchases, you absolutely should discuss it.
- [Jennifer] That's what I was thinking.
- [Aaron] That's a big purchase. 'Cause either he's gonna have a preference for the kind, the brand.
- [Jennifer] But you can still do something cute like put a little note or certificate in a box and say this is for you.
- [Aaron] Buy him some tongs, like a--
- [Jennifer] Oh, a barbecue kit.
- [Aaron] That way he's like, "Wait, what's this for?" And you're like, "For the smoker you're gonna get. "We have to talk about it 'cause it's expensive." But yeah, you should always talk about a purchase like this, just with how expensive it is. Never just do it.
- [Jennifer] And get them what they want and not just pick something because of the expense.
- [Aaron] And then the last gift idea. It's a new thing that I've--
- [Jennifer] This was a gift to yourself, actually.
- [Aaron] I did give this to myself this year. It's called the Ember self-heating coffee mug. And I drink coffee every day, I love coffee.
- [Jennifer] Multiple times a day.
- [Aaron] Multiple times a day. Well that's often because my coffee goes cold and I have to go in and get a new cup. This coffee mug, it's got a heating plate built into it. And it has an iPhone app. It literally keeps the coffee at the exact temperature you want until you're done drinking the coffee.
- [Jennifer] This is for all those coffee lovers out there.
- [Aaron] Oh yeah.
- [Jennifer] I guess tea would work, too.
- [Aaron] Yeah, and these range from 75 to a hundred bucks. They have different sizes. They have an older model that you can get that's even cheaper. You can probably even find them used on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. But it comes with a little charging plate. They can last up to 80 minutes, a charge, which is like an hour and some. And if you have it on the charging plate, it lasts all day.
- [Jennifer] I feel like this would be a great gift for moms too, 'cause I feel like moms are probably constantly reheating their coffee.
- [Aaron] Well, there's a ton wives out there that love coffee and they'd probably really enjoy one of these.
- [Jennifer] Maybe like a matching set?
- [Aaron] Yeah, they have a gold one, a white one, a black one, they have all these different colors. But I've really loved it. Keeps my coffee hot. It's super practical. I love gifts that are useful. That it's not just a trinket.
- [Jennifer] It's gonna make my life better.
- [Aaron] It's gonna make my life better. I'm gonna use it on a daily basis. At the end of the day, if it every breaks or falls apart, or I lose it, I'm gonna miss it. I'm gonna be like, where's that thing at? I want that back in my life. So my Traeger, my coffee mug, these kinds of things. My wallet, when I was writing this list down, I was like, "What things do I use all the time?" And these are all those, so.
- [Jennifer] All right, my turn. Women close your ears, no just kidding. I just have to make a note that we just hope that this episode brings inspiration to the way you give gifts and especially if you're just in a place where you want to give a gift, especially for Valentine's Day, but maybe you don't know what to give. So hopefully this is sparking some creative juices flowing.
- [Aaron] Yeah, the two words I would think of is meaningful and useful. Is that right? That's kinda what these are.
- [Jennifer] All right, so for her, gentlemen. The first thing that I wanted to share was something called a growth book. And it's similar to the journal that Aaron mentioned, the Baron Fig journal. I would say--
- [Aaron] But way more useful.
- [Jennifer] Well I would say the quality is up there with it. It also is, it's like a journal. But, instead of lines, it's dots. And so it's actually really useful because you can use it for multiple things.
- [Aaron] You can draw in it.
- [Jennifer] You can draw in it. You can do calendar stuff or scheduling. You can journal in it. I use it for journaling my time with the Lord. I use it for taking notes during the parenting class that we took. I take it for goal setting, things that Aaron and I are aiming for.
- [Aaron] You keep yourself on track, too, with a little bit of homeschool stuff, don't you?
- [Jennifer] Yep. So, it's just a really, really awesome way to kind of detail your life and what you're working on.
- [Aaron] I wanna note, one of the coolest things I thought about these is, doesn't it come with a sticker pack for you to label things?
- [Jennifer] So it comes separately. So the growth book itself, which you can find at GrowthRootsCo.com, the book itself is $32. The stickers that accompany it is $2 extra. So all together, you're talking about $34. And honestly, I've never liked something so much that I use on a daily basis.
- [Aaron] She's holding it right now and it's full.
- [Jennifer] And it's beautiful. They come in different colors. It's got the cloth feature for the cover. And then you open it up and the first thing you'll notice is it says volume, with a line and a date.
- [Aaron] So when did you start this and what volume is it.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, so this is my, my growth book is volume one from 2019.
- [Aaron] You started in September, looks like.
- [Jennifer] And I started in September. But I've been using and I'm about three quarters of the way through it. So it's got a lot of pages, and it has other special features. So, in the very back, which I love, it has all the books of the bible with all the chapters and you can cross them off as you read them. So if you're doing a bible plan.
- [Aaron] Yeah, keep track of where you are in the bible.
- [Jennifer] It has a spot for prayers that you're praying through and ways that God has answered and when. Books that you're currently reading, or a list that you can put together. So it just has a lot of features to it that I really love and I think it would be a great, a great gift but also it's a growth gift. It's like you're encouraging your wife in something that she's probably either already doing or working on, and you're just saying, "Here, why don't you record it?"
- [Aaron] Yeah, I wanna support you in this.
- [Jennifer] So along with that is my number two, and it's these colored pens that I got that a friend recommended. And they're just on Amazon. They're by Tao Tree, T-A-O T-R-E-E. But they're fine liner color pens and they come with 24 different colors. They're super fun. I use them specifically for journaling in my journal. They're 11.99, so a super cheap gift if you wanna combine those two, it'd be a fun little.
- [Aaron] And you use those a lot. You use the different colors for different types of notes. It helps you organize what you're writing.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, so that's my number one gift right now, is that--
- [Aaron] Growth book.
- [Jennifer] And that's by GrowthRootsCo.com, so you can get that there. And then the colored pens are at Amazon. Okay, now my number three. Aaron mentioned his favorite ESV bible. I'm gonna share mine. It's the journal bible that is about eight and a half inches tall and it's almost square, it's not quite square. But the cover of it is really beautiful. It's this linen print that is yellow, mustard yellow, and flowers, it's just so beautiful. And I use it every day. And it has, what I love about it, is it has a margin on the side, a ruled margin, so you can write notes. I use it, I love reading through the bible. And when I get to one of those notes from two years ago and it was me in labor with Wyatt, or whatever, and just looking back on prayer requests or things that I've mentioned next to whatever it was that I was reading at that moment. So it's kind of like you said, it's a heirloom, a family heirloom.
- [Aaron] And it's single column, also right, so on each page is one column of text. And what's nice about that is I believe that the lines actually coincide with the lines on the text, pretty close. And so you could actually have notes that are directly, line by line if you wanted to. It's a really pretty bible. I've always liked it.
- [Jennifer] And it's available, also--
- [Aaron] It's hardcover, too.
- [Jennifer] On Amazon.
- [Aaron] It's a hard, nice--
- [Jennifer] It's a hard, solid bible. And it's just a pretty bible, so you wanna keep it out.
- [Aaron] It's really pretty.
- [Jennifer] And that runs about 33.99 on Amazon.
- [Aaron] Which is not expensive at all, for a bible. It's great.
- [Jennifer] Okay, my number four is Made by Mary, and I talked about this stamped pendant necklace earlier. They are just a really great company, MadeByMary.com. And they have something new out, which actually I really am fascinated by. It's called a birth flower pendant. And so you can go on there, and depending on what month you were born in, or if you were gonna get one for your daughter, you just order the month, and it comes with that specific month's flower. They're beautiful.
- [Aaron] Every month has its own flower?
- [Jennifer] Yeah.
- [Aaron] I didn't know that.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, they're really cool. But they also do birthstones and you can get, you can order either a bar or a circle, or whatever shape you want, and they stamp whatever it is you want. So currently, what I have is a single circle with an initial of each of my kids, so E for Elliott, O for Olive, W for Wyatt.
- [Aaron] And when you say currently, that's a hint.
- [Jennifer] No.
- [Aaron] At what's coming next.
- [Jennifer] No, it was because the one that I mentioned earlier, I was doing individual pendents, like circles with individual letters.
- [Aaron] And you were getting--
- [Jennifer] It was heavy.
- [Aaron] It was 24 circles on the necklace and it's getting real heavy.
- [Jennifer] It was getting heavy, so I switched to a single circle with each of them stamped on there. But Made By Mary, just really beautiful jewelry on there. And they range--
- [Aaron] Super meaningful, too.
- [Jennifer] Super meaningful, but they range in price. And I'll just say it's about $38 for one of those pieces of jewelry. The last thing that I will mention and it's one of my all time favorites gifts, and it's from a local spa. And it's just going to get a massage. It's time alone. Or a couples massage. But it's that time that you get to feel rejuvenated and relax, and--
- [Aaron] And usually they're rare, so they're really special.
- [Jennifer] So this would be my pricey gift. Aaron had a really pricey gift. This one would probably range between 65 and 250 to $300 because it depends on what service you get and where you're getting it done.
- [Aaron] And my gift was the gift that kept giving, though. No, I think that's a great gift idea, is the occasional local spa.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, just go spoil yourself.
- [Aaron] Yeah, just letting your wife go and have a couple hours to herself, getting pampered and loved on, and massaged, it's nice.
- [Jennifer] A great thing about that kind of gift, we talked about giving a certificate to your husband for his grill, but this would be the same kind of thing where you give a certificate and then she can make her own time to go do that and make sure that she's able to really enjoy that time.
- [Aaron] Or secretly in passing be like, "Man, I wish there was really good spas around here." And then your wife would be like, "There is, the best one's down the street." And you'd be like, "Oh, that's interesting." And then just keep that note hidden away and then you just get her a little gift certificate. So we wanted to give you those five gift ideas each. We hope they inspired you and maybe even sparked another idea for you, which is awesome. But, we wanted to give you a couple bonus ideas, and these are more gifts that would bless both of you in your marriage, in your parenting. And the first one is we wanna share with you, some good friends of ours launched an online course called "Courageous Parenting" and it's an online program and you take it together. And there's videos, and there's questions, and it's a whole thing to help you grow in your godly parenting with your children. We all need this, Jennifer and I, when we talk about the parenting class, this is exactly what we did.
- [Jennifer] We just got to walk through it with them in person.
- [Aaron] Yeah, we're blessed to do it with them in person because they're a part of our church. But their program is called "The Courageous Parenting Program" and you can get that at CourageousParenting.com.
- [Jennifer] Now it is a little bit pricey. It's 399 per couple, so that's why we're recommending it as a gift, it's a huge investment, both financially, but also mentally and spiritually.
- [Aaron] It's actually cheap when you consider the lifelong lessons you're gonna learn from it based off of parenting your children.
- [Jennifer] And we're saying this because we're sitting here right now, having just gone through the course and we're going, "Wow, we have some stuff ahead of us "that we're working on and working towards, "and we're so grateful for the information "that we got from them." And so this would be a really great opportunity for you guys to do something together that's going to, like Aaron said, just be an investment for your whole family.
- [Aaron] Studying my children, that concept, came from "Courageous Parenting". They were teaching about that and it convicted me. I was like, I'm gonna study my kids.
- [Jennifer] So another option, bonus, that would benefit both of you guys--
- [Aaron] Shameless plug, enter now.
- [Jennifer] It's our devotional. So it's "Husband After God" and "Wife After God".
- [Aaron] You can get those at Shop.MarriageAfterGod.com. They're 30-day devotionals and you do them together, or separately, and then you can come together and talk about them. But there's a husband one, and it walks through specific things for the husband and his role. There's a wife one, talks about specific things that a wife and her role. And then there's questions, there's journaling pages, there's scripture. Man, thousands, and thousands, and thousands of couples have gone through this devotional together.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, and it's about $32 for the bundle on our site, which is a really reasonable gift, especially when you think about it being a together gift.
- [Aaron] Husbands, this is a great gift to just go and get.
- [Jennifer] Yeah, just go get one right now.
- [Aaron] And your wife will probably hug you for it. I'm not kidding, you should do this.
- [Jennifer] Okay, and this is a great way to cultivate intimacy and communication, and just invest in your marriage in this way.
- [Aaron] Okay, the last one that we wanna say, this is for both of you, is Jennifer and I went to one of these years ago and we loved it. It was pretty amazing, we still advocate for them. It's called "Weekend 2 Remember" by Family Life. You can find out about it by going to FamilyLife.com/Weekend-2-Remember. You can also just go to FamilyLife.com. I'm sure they have a huge graphic for it because it's one of the biggest things they do. It's helped save countless marriages.
- [Jennifer] So what they do is there events held throughout the year, nationwide. And so you have to go on their website to find out which one is nearest to you. Or if you wanna get--
- [Aaron] And there's probably gonna be one near you.
- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, or if you wanna make it a road getaway and go somewhere, you could do that too. But they're hosted at hotels and it's literally a weekend. So you go and you spend the night. And they have sessions.
- [Aaron] No kids allowed.
- [Jennifer] It's beautiful. It's such a great time to really intentionally focus on your marriage and what God desires for your marriage, and what his purpose is for your marriage. And Aaron, we did it coming out of a season of darkness and hardship.
- [Aaron] It really helped us.
- [Jennifer] It was reconciling for us. I remember just sitting there, holding your hand, going, "This is exactly what we needed." So we've always been an advocate for "Weekend 2 Remembers" and chances are, there's one very close to you. So they range about 175 per person, which again, this is an investment, but you're talking about your marriage and it would be a great gift opportunity for both of you to sit down and really consider getting away for the weekend to do something like this.
- [Aaron] Hey, we hope you enjoyed these ideas. And if you have more ideas, would you share them on our social media so that other people can see them? Just post about it in your stories and tag @MarriageAfterGod, or on Facebook just tag us. People are always looking for ideas. We all need some inspiration sometimes, everyone of us. Well, we thank you for joining us. We're gonna close in prayer, and then yeah. So let's pray. Dear Lord, thank you for being the ultimate gift giver. Thank you for the gift of marriage. We pray our hearts would be pure in the way we give gifts to each other. We pray we would be thoughtful in the ways we give to each other. Help us to study and know our spouse well enough to give them gifts we know they will love. More than giving good gifts, we pray our love would be genuine, and deep, and extraordinary, as we purpose intimacy with each other. Grow our love for one another. In Jesus' name, amen. We just wanna thank you for joining us this week on this episode. If you haven't left us a review yet, would you please do that? Your reviews are incredibly powerful at spreading the news about this podcast. It helps other people to find it. It encourages our hearts. And it helps other people know what to expect in the podcast. So leave us a star rating and a review today. We greatly appreciate it. See you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at MarriageAfterGod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 12 Aug 2019 | What does Hobby Lobby, Giveaways, and Marriage Have In Common? | 00:02:35 | |
God is so good!!! Jennifer and I are so excited that our newest book, Marriage After God, is now available at your local Hobby Lobby! How incredible is that! PS. Hobby Lobby is the cheapest place to find our book. It's only $14.99, which is a whopping 40% OFF. But instead of just announcing it to you, we wanted to launch a fun giveaway instead to see if we could encourage you to go to your Hobby Lobby. Since there isnt enough reasons already ;) First, let's talk about what we are giving away.
Now for the fun part! Here is how you enter.
We will pick and announce the winners on Friday, Aug 16th! Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 21 Nov 2018 | QUICK UPDATE: IT'S Thanksgiving :) | 00:12:37 | |
Changing up the format a bit. New equipment, where we are at with the podcast and where we are going. Just a short update. Happy holidays! Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 22 Jun 2020 | Marriage Inspiration From Some Unlikely People In The Bible | 00:55:34 | |
In This episode we want to talk about a few people in the bible that have really encouraged us lately and we hope their stories encourage you and your marriage as well. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 28 Mar 2018 | My Husband Is An Extrovert and I'm an Introvert How We Navigate It Biblically | 00:22:54 | |
It is common in marriage for one spouse to be an extrovert and the other to be an introvert. There are times that both spouses have the same dominant personality traits. No matter what it can be a challenge in marriage to navigate how to get each other's needs fulfilled and communicate these needs in marriage, so we thought we would share a little from our experience of being an extrovert and introvert in marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 09 Jan 2019 | Answering Your Questions About Finances | 00:48:01 | |
Support the Marriage After God podcast by checking out our online store and resources. https://shop.marriageaftergod.com “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.” 1 Corinthians 10:24-27 How do you view debt that one person brought into the marriage as “ours” especially when the two of you are on different pages about spending before the debt is paid off? What do you recommend in terms of building multiple streams of income?
How do you both feel about taking risks financially? Such as investing in something that might cost a lot but also make money in the future. Luke 14:28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? James 4:13-17 Do you make a college fund for your children? If so how much do you add to it each month? How do you feel about mortgages? We are debt-free but live in NYC and seems you can’t own a home without a mortgage. Is that still debt-free? How do we not touch savings? How to tithe when financially struggling? What is your take on separate bank accounts in marriage? When budgeting do you allow for a savings amount for birthday gifts food ect or does it all come out of general? What percentage of the budget should be allowed for food? Assuming all food or going out? How much is a realistic amount to save each week? My husband and I are in so much debt. We don’t know how to budget. Any advice? We want to be debt-free and not living paycheck to paycheck. We have 3 boys. How should we decide what they can and can’t do because of the budget? they love sports must ect. What do you do for health ins we are self-employed would love to hear what you do. How do you navigate financial stress as a team? What do you guys use for a budget? How do you budget with kids, one income, and a stay at home mom? I want to be a stay at home mom but we are not sure we can afford it. What should we do? Do you have any advice on seeing if you are ready to go to a one income household? How do you prepare to go to one income with a second baby? Dear Lord, Thank You for everything You give to us. Thank You for our finances and thank You for our jobs so that we can provide for our families so that we can give back to You, and be generous with others. We pray we would be good stewards of all that You give to us, especially money. We pray we would be faithful to use our money the way You want us to. Help us to be united in our marriage in the way we spend, save, and give. Help us to make financial decisions with wisdom and with wise counsel. Please help us to live debt-free and may our lives be a testimony to others of Your faithfulness. May we be people who seek to use our finances to build your Kingdom! In Jesus’ name, amen! READ: [Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're gonna answer your questions about finances. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years, through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage and encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe that Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life, [Aaron] Love. [Jennifer] And power. [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Aaron] First and foremost, we always want to invite you to leave a star rating on the podcast. It helps other people find the podcast, it helps people learn about the podcast, it gets us in the rankings so other people can find it, it's awesome. We'd appreciate if you could just scroll down to the bottom of the podcast app and hit a five-star rating, or actually whatever star rating you want to. And if you have time, you can leave us a text review. That'd be awesome. We read those, they encourage us, and we'd really appreciate that. [Jennifer] We also want you guys to know that this Marriage After God podcast is sponsored by our store, shop.marriageaftergod.com, and just to highlight one book bundle that we carry that we wrote for you guys is 31 Prayers for my Son and 31 Prayers for my Daughter, and we wrote these for you to help encourage your prayer life over your children, and we're really excited about these books and we wanted you to know about them. [Aaron] For the icebreaker question, Jennifer, what is one thing you would do today to get out of debt if we had debt? Because we're debt-free, but if we had debt today, what's thing you'd do right now to help us get out of debt? [Jennifer] Okay. I think the first thing that comes to my mind is I see a small piece of paper and I just write a number on it, let's say $100, and then I would take that day to go around the house and figure out what can I sell today, whether it's through Facebook Marketplace or through my friends, text messages, or whatever. What can I get rid of today to make that $100 and then send it straight to the debt? [Aaron] Okay, I like that. I'll one up you. I was thinking selling everything in the house. [Jennifer] You would. [Aaron] Well, because we have a lot of things and we don't realize how much money is just sitting in the house with your furniture, and through, I wouldn't be able to sell everything like our bed, but-- [Jennifer] No, you said everything. [Aaron] Well, okay. We could sleep on the floor, people sleep on the floor. [Jennifer] Aaron would sell everything. I on the other hand would just get rid of stuff we don't use. [Aaron] Well that's how we were when we were in debt, babe. [Jennifer] We had little. [Aaron] We had very little, but we did sell almost everything we had. I think that's what I would do. I would actually go through the house and I'd say "Okay, what can we get rid of?" And I'd probably, Dave Ramsey says it funny, he says, he says "Sell everything," and so that your kids wonder if they're next. [Jennifer] Oh my gosh, that's terrible. [Aaron] That drastic. Go through everything and get rid of everything. [Jennifer] Speaking of Dave Ramsey, we have a quote of the day by him. [Aaron] Yeah, it's if you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else. [Jennifer] So you're living like no one else. That sounds like a Marriage After God right there. [Aaron] Yeah, it's true. It also reminds me of another quote that says if you want something you've never had, you gotta do something you've never done. I believe it's by Thomas Jefferson, but other people say they don't know who it's by. But the idea is that if you make choices today that no one else is making, everyone chooses to be in debt, everyone chooses to spend money unwisely and just buy things and to use credit cards. Those are normal, everyone chooses that. But if we choose to live differently, [Jennifer] Radically. [Aaron] If we make choices like, well, this hurts and it's painful, but no one's doing this, what it does is it affords you a life that later on you can live like no one else is living. You make choices today that allow you to live a certain way later. [Jennifer] And I feel like that later comes so fast, just in the scheme of life. [Aaron] Life does fly by fast. [Jennifer] It might seem hard now, right, but this season is so short in comparison to the rest of later. [Aaron] Yeah, we have, I remember our season getting out of debt. In the middle of it, it was so daunting. [Jennifer] It seemed like a long, drawn-out thing. [Aaron] And it was like, this is never gonna get done. [Jennifer] But it wasn't. [Aaron] But now it's been behind us, what? [Jennifer] Eight, nine, ten years. [Aaron] Ten years. That was a long time ago. We've been debt-free for ten years now. [Jennifer] And we're living in the later. [Aaron] We're living in the later, so yeah, we get to live like no one else now because we made choices that no one else was making back then. And I remember people thinking we were weird. We didn't have much. We had actually nothing. But I wouldn't trade it. [Jennifer] Yeah, I don't regret being debt-free. [Aaron] We encourage other people all the time. We're gonna do it a lot in this episode actually. [Jennifer] Yeah, so speaking of this episode, we thought it would be fun to answer your guys' questions on finance. We pulled on Instagram Live and just asked you what kind of questions you guys had about money and budgeting and all kinds of things, so today's episode we are going to focus on your questions and trying to answer them. [Aaron] Yeah, so each one of these questions is from someone who follows us. And we're gonna, we don't have all the answers. [Jennifer] Nope. [Aaron] We will answer the best as we can, we'll answer with scripture if we can, we will answer from experience, and we might say we don't know on some of them. Because I'd rather say I don't know than make up an answer that is false. [Jennifer] Yeah, and just right off the bat if we want to give some resources that you guys can look up for more information about finances, we do really like Dave Ramsey and just his whole ministry on helping people get out of debt, [Aaron] He's helped a lot of people get out of debt. [Jennifer] Lead faithful lives in finances, so check him out, Financial Peace University is his thing. Also, Money Saving Mom is a great resource. She has a lot of good stuff, go check her out. [Aaron] Let's start this episode. I want to read some scripture to give us a foundation of why we should even care about our finances, our money, getting out of debt, all of those things. And it's found in 1 Corinthians 10, verses 24 through 27. "Do you not know that in a race, "all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? "So run that you may obtain it. "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. "They do it to receive a perishable wreath. "But we, an imperishable. "So I do not run aimlessly. "I do not box as one beating the air, "but I discipline my body and keep it under control "lest after preaching to others "I myself should be disqualified." And what I love about this is Paul's saying, he's saying the race we're running is this race of faith, it's the race that we're running toward heaven and with God and with the Holy Spirit, and our prize is imperishable. We're not running to get a trophy, we're running for an imperishable prize which is eternity with God. And Paul says here, he says "I don't run aimlessly," meaning he's got a specific goal, he trains a certain way, he's thoughtful about it and he knows what he's doing. And then he says "I discipline my body "and keep it under control," and again, the purpose of this is so that in our preaching, we're not disqualified. The reason we talked about finances and getting out of debt and why these are important for the Christian to be aware of and to walk not aimlessly in is because we have a job to do in this world, and it's to preach the Gospel. And part of preaching the Gospel and not being disqualified is are we an example? Do we have self-control in all things? [Jennifer] Yeah, including finances. [Aaron] Including finances. Or are we taken under by our own debt and our own cravings and desires and "Oh, I want that new car or I want that, "or I want to eat out all the time," or whatever it is that sucks the money out of us and makes us incapacitated financially. Paul wants us to know that we shouldn't be running aimlessly so we should have a plan, we should have a goal, we should have purpose in mind, and he wants to remind us that the Gospel that we're preaching, we ourselves don't want to be disqualified after we've preached it, so we need to be disciplined and self-disciplined and self-controlled. I just that'd be a good place to start. [Jennifer] Yeah, I love it, it's really good, yeah. [Aaron] With this. It's actually why we got out of debt. It's part of our story. We left doing missions work. We're doing the Lord's work, we felt the Lord calling us home and saying "I want you debt-free so you can be free," and we went home. [Jennifer] But we had a goal. [Aaron] Yeah, we went home specifically to get out of debt, so everything we did was focused around getting out of debt. [Jennifer] And I felt like that word aimlessly really stands out to me, because I feel like, because I feel like it's really easy when you look at finances to almost avoid the hardship of finances or the things that weight us down, the stress that's involved, [Aaron] Yeah, pretend it's not there. [Jennifer] To pretend it's not there or to ignore it, which leads to being aimless. If you're not willing to face it and confront it, then the other option is to be aimless. [Aaron] Yeah, well there's no goal, you're floating, you're like "Well, I'm gonna," [Jennifer] Because if you have a goal, then you're gonna be forced to look at what you have and say "Okay, this is how I get from point A to point B." [Aaron] Yep, and we have to write those goals down too. We've just been talking about lists lately. And if you write it down, it becomes real. Just a quick tip, write down your goals, how much you want to pay off, when, when do you plan on getting out of debt, and then start hitting those goals and doing everything you can to hit them. [Jennifer] And even if you have a specific strategy and you guys figure out how you're gonna do it, write that down too. [Aaron] Yep. Okay, let's go right into question number one. [Jennifer] Okay, is there any rhyme or reason with any of these? [Aaron] No, it looks like you just put them in order from what you received them. [Jennifer] Okay, let's do it. [Aaron] How do you view debt that one person brought into the marriage as ours, especially when the two of you are on different pages about spending before the debt is paid off? [Jennifer] Oh man, I feel like we answered this really good in our book, Marriage After God, because we share our different perspectives of money and the value it had in our lives, how we spent it, and this idea of debt. [Aaron] This was us. Whose debt did we have when we got married? [Jennifer] Well, I believed it was yours. It had your name written on it. But God had to teach me the lesson of what it meant to be ours. [Aaron] Yeah, and you married me, debt and all. You married me, sin and all. And we don't get to marry someone but only choose the parts of them that we're going to walk with and be one with. Now, when we have sin, those are things that need to be changed and repented of. Even the debt needs to be dealt with. There's things that need to be dealt with, but we deal with it together. [Jennifer] Yeah, so to answer this question how do you view debt that one person brought in? View it as ours, so assume that responsibility as now ours, both of you working to do it, because I'll tell you what, it wasn't until God changed my heart and I received Him changing my heart on it being our debt that we actually were able to make change in knocking it off. [Aaron] Think about it, if you would have expected me just to deal with it, while you're spending how you want. It was our money, right? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] But then if you spend it how you want, it would have made it that much harder for me to deal with it. [Jennifer] Yeah, you probably wouldn't have been able to get out of debt. [Aaron] I would say yeah, ours, and then it says if we're on different pages of spending, [Jennifer] Get on the same page. [Aaron] The reason you're in debt and having a hard time paying debt off is because you're on different pages about finances. [Jennifer] Yeah, get on the same page. That means that both of you are gonna have to make sacrifices to stay on that same page when it comes to spending, saving, paying off debt, all of it. [Aaron] Yeah, and a quick tip, make a rule. We made a rule, if there was anything over $25, we had to immediately bring it to, but when we were getting out of debt, we actually talked about everything that we spent. [Jennifer] Yeah, everything went to that. [Aaron] But now, we have rules about if it's gonna cost so much, we actually ask permission. What happens though is it keeps us both accountable to what we're spending, that it's not just like "Oh, I accidentally spent $600, sorry," that doesn't happen. [Jennifer] Okay, I think we answered that one pretty good. Number two, what do you recommend in terms of building multiple streams of income? [Aaron] This is a cool question. [Jennifer] I also feel like in this day and age I feel like there is a lot of opportunity. [Aaron] Oh, we have infinite opportunities. People make money just on social media by not even selling anything, they just they post for other people and they make money. [Jennifer] Why do you think it's a cool question? [Aaron] Well because we did this. The way we got out of debt was we started a photography business. [Jennifer] Yeah, we used our resources of what we had, which was a camera. [Aaron] We used our passion for photography and we had resources in relationships. We knew someone getting married and we were like "Hey, can we shoot your wedding?" And they said "Sure," they needed a photographer, they didn't have much money. Actually, we did that for free, they bought us a flash or something. [Jennifer] Yeah, I think the very first wedding we shot, we shot together for a flash, which she had to buy for us before the wedding. [Aaron] Yeah, and then I think we charged like $400, and I think it was like $600, and then it was like 850. [Jennifer] Each job that we got, we just, yeah, increased. [Aaron] Well we made a rule. We're like "Every job, we're gonna increase a little bit." Until eventually we were making $1,200, $1,500 a wedding, and we were working Saturdays and Sundays, shooting families and weddings while working full-time jobs during the week. [Jennifer] It was crazy town. [Aaron] Now I want to say we had no kids back then. [Jennifer] Yeah, so we were able to. [Aaron] It would definitely look different today with having kids. But it is still possible. A couple of ideas we've had. [Jennifer] Well for starters just like you said about the seasons thing, I think it's really important for couples to know that if you're gonna go into a season of hard work, meaning either both of you or one of you is heavily working, there just needs to be an end date where you're saying "Okay, we're gonna sprint this season," [Aaron] Yeah, this next six months we're gonna work this hard. [Jennifer] We're gonna work this hard and that way expectations are set and nobody can get mad at each other, and then there's a season of rest. Don't forget to give yourself that season of rest. [Aaron] Yeah, because you'll, if you just get it working nights and weekends, [Jennifer] You'll burn out. [Aaron] And all day, you'll want-- [Jennifer] Your family will burn out. [Aaron] You don't want to do that. It's a good reminder, and that's how we've always looked at it, we did the photography thing for a season, it was a year and a half that we did it and we crushed hard at that, we were doing so much. By the end of it we hated weddings. [Jennifer] But it was fun. [Aaron] It was super fun, and really hard. We got out of debt though. The idea is, we have a few ideas. The first one that we have is publish a book. We make a living now off of books that we've published. And we learned how to do it on our own, but one of the little things we started a while ago is called bookworthy.com, it's a course Jennifer and I made, teaching people how to self-publish, so if you're interested and if you're a writer, if you have children the book idea, if you do art or photography, publish a book, you might be able to make a little bit of money on Amazon. It's actually free to do as long as you have all the time and energy and the talent to do it. Another one is start a small business based off skills or resources you and your husband have. Like our photography business. [Jennifer] Yeah, another one would be painting. If you like to paint, you can sell canvases of different things that you like to paint. [Aaron] Yeah, or if you have some tools for painting. I've known people to paint houses and make really good money on the weekends. Doing handyman work, there's so many things that we have skill-wise that we don't realize is actually valuable. There's someone who needs what we have. Maybe as a couple write down the resources, the talents, the skills that you have and see how those can make money. [Jennifer] And you can utilize places like Etsy.com as a venue to sell your stuff. [Aaron] Yeah, we know someone that they just were really good at sewing little bows and start an Etsy store and sell a bunch of bows! [Jennifer] We also have people who've made a lot of money off, there's a lot of companies out there that have great models. Things like Young Living. [Aaron] Yeah, they've made it really easy to sell anything. Those are just some ideas. There's so many, so many ways to do it. But having a small business or doing some sort of side jobs it's how we paid off all of our debt. And it does add levels of complexity to your life, but it's totally doable, and it's sometimes the only way to get out of debt. If your normal job doesn't afford your enough financial liquidity to pay off debt, doing a side business for a while or a side job can definitely do that. [Jennifer] Okay, moving on to number three. How do you both feel about taking risks financially? Such as investing in something that might cost a lot up front, but also make money in the future. Which there's no guarantee. Let's just be straightforward. [Aaron] We always get told that, like this is a no-brainer, you just gotta start it. We always tell ourselves the best-case scenario and we don't think practically through it, so I just wanted to read Luke 14:28 says "For which of you, desiring to build a tower, "does not first sit down and count the cost, "whether he has enough to complete it?" And I just wanted to remind us that wisdom should tell us "Okay, that sounds like a great idea, yes," because it could totally be profitable to spend a little bit of money now, if you could figure out that it's going to double or triple or whatever. But we gotta count the cost. What's the time investment it's gonna take? What's the financial investment it's gonna take? How long will it take to return that? How much time is it gonna take to maintain and build and grow? Those are all things that we have to think about when trying to take a financial risk. And then the, we've done this before. We've been really frugal in the past and avoided any sort of risk and we've also made mistakes in risk. And what would you say is the better side of it? [Jennifer] Well like you said, counting the cost. I think it's always really important that we sit down and figure out how this will benefit our family or how this will hurt our family, and I think the times that we've made mistakes or the times that we don't really count the cost, [Aaron] Yeah, and we rush into things. That's been my fault, many a times. [Jennifer] Well, I wasn't going to point the finger. [Aaron] Yeah it's all right. [Jennifer] I was gonna say out of the two of us or how, because the question is how do you both feel about it, how do you feel about taking risks financially? What's your process? [Aaron] I'm usually pretty safe, but I have made mistakes and it always comes back to I don't fully think through it, I tell myself the best-case scenario, and often it's a rush. And so now we have these rules of it's a rush, it's a no. For the most part. There's been times, but usually if it's a rush, it's a no. [Jennifer] Yeah, when I think about this question, I think "Well, if it's a risk for some sort of investment "or stocks or something like money-wise that way," I always get really nervous and I'm like "Nope, I won't do it," but when it comes to a risk of taking a risk on someone or somebody's talent, one of ours, something that we have a dream to do, that's easier for me to say yes to, even if we waste a lot of money doing it. I don't know why, but there's something in my heart that just says "Let's go for that." [Aaron] Yeah, and if it could be a slow and minimal risk, that's always, what we try and do is like how can we make this as little of risk as possible? Like if we're gonna work with a new company that's gonna print our books or advertise for us, or whatever it is. It's all risk, technically, because they can mess up. You could buy the wrong thing, you could spend the wrong money, it just-- [Jennifer] Would you say that it would be wise to also seek counsel on certain decisions, like maybe those close friends that you have, or-- [Aaron] Oh 100%. Getting many wise counselors around you is the way we do battle and we win battles. I just wanted to read one more scripture on this. James 4:13-17 says: "Come now, you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town "and spend a year there and trade and make a profit "yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. "What is your life? "For you are a mist that appears "for a little time and then vanishes. "Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that. "As it is, you boast in your arrogance. "All such boasting is evil. "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, "for him it is sin." I just wanted to bring this up because the other side of this is to remember that we have no control over tomorrow. We don't know. I could invest today and the Lord can come tomorrow. We can, doesn't mean not to, but James is telling us less have a heart of like "Well if the Lord wills it." We're gonna work, we're gonna plan, we're going to count the costs, we're gonna get counsel, we're gonna figure things out, but to be honest, if the Lord wants it to happen or not. [Jennifer] The other thing I want to add to this section about taking financial risks is you guys gotta be in unity when taking financial risks and don't, not at the cost of your marriage. I don't want people to jump into making decisions that, one spouse is for it, one spouse isn't. I really think that there needs to be unity whenever you advance in making decisions like this. [Aaron] That's a good point. Be in complete unity, have peace about it and I would say lastly, you should not taking a financial risk unless you have some extra money to play with. [Jennifer] To risk. [Aaron] If you're literally not being able to buy groceries to risk this, that's not a good strategy. [Jennifer] That's good. [Aaron] It may mean sell some more things and say "Okay, we have this extra $1,000, "we can put it towards debt or we can start this thing, "but that $1,000, if it's gone or not gone, "isn't gonna hinder your family from being taken care of." [Jennifer] That's good, I'm glad you mentioned that. Okay, number four. Do you make a college fund for your children? If so, how much do you add to it each month? [Aaron] Do we have a college fund? [Jennifer] No. Short answer, no. Do we have a little bit of savings if they needed it? Sure, but we also want to encourage our kids, just in their future we talk about college. We want to encourage them to be hard workers, that if they needed to pay for their own college they could. [Aaron] Yeah, and teaching them the abilities that they have and how they can make money. We have an IRA that we put money into that could be used for school, but we don't necessarily have a direct college fund. [Jennifer] And do we put money in it every month? [Aaron] We don't put money in every month, we put it, for a while we were but we adjust that based off of how our income is. The next question is how do you feel about mortgages? Well I hate mortgages. [Jennifer] Everybody does. [Aaron] Who likes mortgages? [Jennifer] This is specifically, this couple was asking because they say "We are debt-free but live in NYC and it seems like "you can't own a home without a mortgage. "Is that still being debt-free?" Having a mortgage? [Aaron] Well technically no, because you're in debt. But some people would say "Well it's good debt, "because it appreciates." Well sure, as long the market is appreciating. There's again, you don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. [Jennifer] I feel like for the majority most people would say it doesn't fall under the debt-free title. [Aaron] Yeah again, so we bought a house. We got a mortgage and we did the normal thing, but we had been debt-free for seven years before buying a house. There's a season actually leading up to like six years into our debt-free-ness I didn't even want to buy a house because I didn't want to get in debt again. But you know, things change and we made a different decision and our goal was to treat that debt the same way we treated the other debt. Again, you have to count the costs and you have to make the decision that way and get wise counsel. Can you afford it? And then, because the way I looked at it is I was paying X amount of dollars for rent anyway, so if I could pay that to something I'm gonna own, that's why we decided to buy a house finally. [Jennifer] We actually put a stipulation on it. You said we're not gonna, we're not gonna even look for a home to buy if the mortgage isn't less than what we're paying for rent. [Aaron] Yeah, that was a, man, because when we were looking it gets so easy to start looking outside your range. [Jennifer] Yeah and you keep going up and up. [Aaron] Like "Well it's only another 10,000, "well, this is nicer." I don't know. [Jennifer] Are you repeating me? [Aaron] No! That's my inside voice, I don't know. But I did, I made us a hard stipulation. I said "I don't want to buy a house "that mortgage's gonna be more than our current rent." And we did, we actually hit that. It took us a long time and it was really frustrating at times. [Jennifer] And we had to be patient, but I would just like the other questions I would say you guys have to be in unity if you are gonna go into that mortgage. [Aaron] Yeah and count the costs, it's gonna be an investment that you have to put your own blood, sweat, and tears into. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] All right, cool, let's move on. How do we not touch savings? It's a pretty short question. [Jennifer] Bury it really deep in the backyard. [Aaron] If this is a self-control thing, then you need to learn self-control. Like if you're just dipping in because you wanted to go out to eat or if you want to buy that thing-- [Jennifer] Have that coffee. [Aaron] That's, you're never gonna be able to save if that's how you are. If it's a problem with you can't pay your rent, dip into savings. [Jennifer] That's what it's there for. [Aaron] Yeah, that's what it's there for. I would say just practice. Give yourself goals. Say "We're gonna save to this dollar amount, "and if we do, we'll celebrate by spending a little bit, "1% of it." [Jennifer] That's a good idea. [Aaron] And that way you're helping yourself, training yourself to go longer without dipping into your savings, and you have a goal you're gonna hit. [Jennifer] Yeah, cool. Okay, number seven. How do you tithe when you're financially struggling? [Aaron] How did we do it? [Jennifer] Sowe lived pretty radically, we still tithed even though we were struggling financially. We believed that everything that we got was God's and we gave it back to him. [Aaron] All of it. Nobut we had this, I believed that generosity and giving and tithing were spiritual disciplines and I believed that I wanted to trust God. And I remember telling us, I said "Hey, the only place in the Bible that God tells His people "to test Him is in the Old Testament," and He tells His people, He goes "Bring all the tithe "to the storehouse," when He's talking about the temple. [Jennifer] In Micah? [Aaron] Yeah, and He says "See that I will not open the floodgates of heaven," [Jennifer] Or was it Malachi? [Aaron] Oh, it's Malachi I think you're right. It's the last book of the Old Testament. And He just challenges them to challenge Him. Like "Hey, you do what you have been supposed to be doing "for all of these generations that you haven't been doing it "and I will pour out my blessing on my people." Now that was talking to the Jews, but God hasn't changed. And so I looked at God and I said "I want to give. "I want to be a giver, I want to be generous, "I want to be a tither." And what was awesome is a couple things happened. We were able to give and be generous, and it also changed our perspectives on money. [Jennifer] Yeah, we didn't hold it so tightly. [Aaron] Which is the whole point of giving anyway, of knowing it's all God's. We actually, while we were trying to get out of debt, we made it a challenge to ourselves to see how much we could give. What is funny is it kept us from giving ourselves pretty much anything. We just had enough to live on and not only were we able to pay our debt off, but we were also able to give more than we ever were able to give. Not that that made us any more righteous or anything, it was our own personal challenge and it was pretty awesome to see that God still provided, God grew what we were able to give, and decreased our debt as we were faithful. [Jennifer] Yeah, I think one of the things we wanted to avoid too was, well once we were out of debt and we have money, is it gonna be harder for us to give then? You know what I mean? We wanted to build that habit-- [Aaron] Well because the mentality's always like "Oh I'll give when I have more," and I have a scripture to reference for this, but once I have more, that's when I'll give. And we're not giving this as a command to anyone. You have to choose in your heart and decide in your heart what you're gonna give and how you're gonna give as a family, and that you are, at any level of giving, are you gonna trust God? Are you gonna seek Him and are you gonna be wise with your money? Because that's what He wants from us. He wants us to be wise, not just frivolous and like "I'm just gonna throw it away, here's that, "and oh, I can't pay rent now," no, be wise. If you want to give, pray and ask how you guys can give and ask God to change your hearts on what money means to you and where it goes and when it goes. And the verse I wanted to bring up about this is in Mark 12 and it's about this Jesus recognizing how two different kinds of people are giving and he says "And he sat down opposite the treasury "and watched the people putting money into the offering box. "Many rich people put in large sums. "And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, "which make a penny. "And He called His disciples to Him and said to them "Truly I say to you, this poor widow has put in more "than all these who are contributing to the offering box, "for they all contributed out of their abundance, "but she, out of her poverty, has put in everything she had, "all she had to live on." And so just that mentality of once we have more then we'll give, Jesus is showing us in this picture, he's saying "Actually, she gave more out of her poverty "because she didn't have much to give but she still gave." Knowing that, if we have the mentality of one day we'll give when we have more isn't the right mentality to have. The right mentality to have is like "God is yours, teach me. "Teach me how to use it. "Where do you want it?" [Jennifer] Okay, number eight. What is your take on separate bank accounts and marriage? [Aaron] Well I think there's a scripture that speaks clearly to this, and it's in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:8, Ephesians 5:31. [Jennifer] Hold on, those are a lot of verses. [Aaron] Oh, well they all say the same thing. It says the two shall become one. Our take is that it should just be, there's one place that money goes, it's our money, and we use it for God's Kingdom. [Jennifer] And having the one bank account, it helps you in building that oneness and that unity and practicing and walking it out on a daily basis. [Aaron] Yeah so our perspective is you share a bank account. Now we have a savings account, we have a few accounts, but there's not her money, my money. [Jennifer] No, we all have access and we all put into it and we all take out of it and we talk about it a lot. [Aaron] Yeah. Number nine, when budgeting, do you allow for a savings amount for birthday gifts, food, et cetera, or does it all come out of general? [Jennifer] Okay, so how we would do this is we would have in our budgeting we would account for food and even going out to eat, but then we'd just have a general fund where those kinds of things came out of. Birthday gifts and random things. [Aaron] Yeah, we called it our personal allowance, which was after we broke down all of our budget, whatever was left, which was usually nothing. Sometimes it was a little bit. But yeah, we've never been that specific, but you can totally get that specific. I know people that have broke their budget as specific as you can imagine. [Jennifer] Yeah, and I know having the app on our phone, the bank app has helped, because you'll check right there as we're checking out in line, making sure that we can afford that birthday gift or whatever it is extra that we were paying. [Aaron] If I have to transfer from savings or something like that. What's number 10? [Jennifer] Number 10 is what percentage of the budget should be allowed for food, assuming that they're talking about all food or just going out, I'm not really sure, but, [Aaron] If you're in debt and you're trying to get out of debt and you're trying to save money, you just probably should not eat out. It's way more expensive and if you're going somewhere that's cheaper than a restaurant, it's probably not healthy. Eat at home, it's cheaper, you can buy in bulk, you can organize it so your budget for food, our budget was always just food. And if we ate out, it came out of that budget, which hurt us because you have this eating out bill and then it took away from your groceries for that week. [Jennifer] Yeah, recently I was following someone on Instagram who posted a screenshot of a breakdown of what percentage of your budget should be for food, depending on your family size, and I thought it was really interesting. I don't remember exactly where she got it from but if you just Googled it, it would show up. [Aaron] Yeah, and the way you can do this is go grocery shopping, and figure out what your normal grocery shopping list is and that's your budget. If you need to break down your grocery shopping budget more and you can find, like, well we don't need to get cereals this time, or pick the things that are less necessary or figure out how to buy things in bulk, but definitely if you're trying to save money and get out of debt, grocery shopping, buying in bulk, freezing stuff is gonna be the best way to go and eating out should probably be put on the back burner for a while. [Jennifer] That's funny, back burner, because we're talking about making food at home. Don't forget about it, don't let it burn! Just kidding. Okay, number eleven. How much is a realistic amount to save each week? [Aaron] This is gonna be unique before we've seen a person's budget. To be honest, we didn't save a penny. [Jennifer] Until we were out of debt and beyond that. [Aaron] Yeah, my perspective on it is why are we saving money when we could be putting that money towards debt? Once we were out of debt, we started thinking about savings differently, but again, that's gonna be dependent on your income, where you're at, how much debt you have, and figuring out whatever percentage of your income can be saved, yeah. Number 12, my husband and I are in so much debt. We don't know how to budget. Any advice, we want to be debt-free and not living paycheck to paycheck. My advice to this couple is get on the same page, start talking about it, get real. We have to recognize that we can't just play with these things. If you need to stop eating out, there's areas that you're spending money that you shouldn't. If it means finding a better job, start looking. Maybe your second job you have is looking for a better job. If you're only making ends meet on this current job, you're not getting enough hours, look for a better one. Right now we're in the best economy if you're looking for a job. And I know that's easier said than done, but sometimes you just need to pull the Band-Aid off and realize, "Okay, this sore's not getting healed. "We need to sit down, we need to write down everything. "Every penny, where it goes. "We need to start selling everything we have. "We need to start just," boil your life down to what you need and scramble to get out of debt. [Jennifer] Also we shouldn't neglect the power of prayer. I feel like there have been so many testimonies from our friend's life and just our life of praying for our specific needs. What kind of job do you have and do you need that God could be fulfilling for you given the opportunity to open your eyes and show you and give you exactly what you need? [Aaron] And then start looking actively. Send resumes. Now don't tell your current job that you're doing that, because they might fire you, but that's what I would do. I would start looking today. Number 13, we have three boys. How should we decide what they can and can't do because of the budget? They love sports, music, et cetera. [Jennifer] Okay, so again, going back to the unity I feel like you and your husband, you and your spouse need to be on the same page about what the budget can allot for, where is there room to do stuff, and if the budget for that season doesn't, doesn't have room for those extra things, it's gonna be hard, but you have to be able to say no and you just have to explain to your family what that means. [Aaron] Yeah, and our kids are not gonna fall apart, become less of citizens in this country and immoral because they don't do sports. We sometimes have those draws of like "Well if they don't do these things, "they're gonna miss out on," but we have to remember, there's so many other ways that our kids will learn. Whatever skills they can learn in those sports or those activities. [Jennifer] And don't forget that they're also learning the discipline of being a good start with finances, and this is part of learning and they'll have to know that in life, there's seasons when you can't do as much, and that has to be okay. [Aaron] Think about this, that sports is like a team sport thing, right? Getting out of debt's a team sport. Your children are in your family, they're on your team, and they need to be a part of that. And you can bring them in and you can say "Well, guys, we're gonna go through a season "that's gonna be hard, but we're gonna do it together." [Jennifer] Yeah, here's the downside if you're not doing it together. Let's say, let's say mom is pushing for the team sports and dad's saying "Well, we can't afford it this time," what are the children gonna see? They're gonna see division in the marriage, they're gonna see-- [Aaron] Yeah, and they'll react to that. [Jennifer] And they'll react to it and then they also may start to favor the parent who's for them and for what the things that they want to do. [Aaron] Or worse become bitter towards the other parent. [Jennifer] Or become bitter towards the other parent. And we want to avoid that. At Marriage After God, understands the power of unity and doesn't lose sight of that. [Aaron] Yeah, and so being on the same page again, as a couple, so that our children see our unity and strength and they will learn more from that than they'll learn probably from any sport in my opinion. [Jennifer] Okay, number 14. What do you do for health insurance? We are self-employed and we'd love to hear what you do. [Aaron] For a long time, we were on, what was that company called? It was not, Samaritan's Purse is one of them, yeah, it was called MediShare. It's a Christian healthcare, it's a shared thing where you put money in and that money helps other people in their bills and vice versa. We did that for a while, actually. There's MediShare and then there's Samaritan's Purse and I know there's a couple others, but just look for Christian shared health plans. [Jennifer] Number 15 is how do you navigate financial stress as a team? What are some ways, practical ways, that we can help each other when there's financial stress? [Aaron] Lots of conversations about what's going on. Planning together, writing things down, prayer, and just constantly reminding each other that we're gonna get through it together, that we're gonna do it together, that we're gonna make choices together, and not getting off, out of hand and sneaking around and spending money over here or making choices over here behind each other's backs, but actually-- [Jennifer] Or arguing about it, right, in front of everyone. [Aaron] Or arguing about it, yeah, which has happened. But yeah, just that team, doing it together. Having the conversations at night, putting the strategies in place. [Jennifer] I think too, a huge win would be reminding each other of the future. We started out the episode, that later, living life later, what does that look like? [Aaron] We did this a lot. [Jennifer] Yeah, so envision for each other what that future looks like and enjoy that moment right then and there. [Aaron] Well and recognize like "Hey, what we're doing right now is gonna give us "something else, it's gonna give us something better, "the fruit it's gonna bear is gonna be good," and so that's such a good reminder, because we did that. Because it was so hard at times, right in the middle of it, you're like "Gosh, this is just too hard," to be like "Hey, but just know in a few years, "this is gonna be so far behind us, "and we're gonna be able to make choices "that we weren't able to make before, "and it's gonna feel so good and freeing," so yeah, as a team, just reminding each other of what it's gonna do, working hard at these things. We got a few more. Why don't you let us know what the next? Okay, so we got a few more questions. Why don't you hit the next question for us. [Jennifer] Okay, number 16 is what do you guys use for a budget? Which if they don't know, Aaron does most of the budgeting, which I like, because I don't really have the mental space right now to do it. [Aaron] There's two parts to our budget. I'm gonna be honest, we don't focus on our budget as much as we used to, as micro as we used to. But we still use a lot of the general disciplines, but when we were getting out of debt, man, I was looking at that thing every single day. [Jennifer] Yeah, heightenly aware. [Aaron] Yeah, so what I did is I just created a Google Sheet, a spreadsheet, or you can use Microsoft, what's it called? Excel. And I literally wrote down on the sheet every single thing that we spend money on. I looked at our grocery bills to see how much we spent on groceries, I looked at our gas bills to see what our average was each month, and then I rounded them all up a little bit, because if it was like one month this high, one month it was low, I rounded them all up a little bit, and then I took the total and then I broke down by actual things that we owed, like bills, and then right there we found out what our budget was. It was like every month, to live, we needed $1,800 or $1,250 or whatever it was. And that was phone bill, that was gas, that was literally every single penny we had to spend to live. And then anything that was left over, I broke up in percentages. 10% to tithe, or 12%, whatever our number was, and then how much of it was gonna go to debt, actually no, so then whatever was left over I broke up into allowance and to tithe and savings. But for a while, allowance and savings was zero and tithe was the only thing that we had extra. That's how we did it, and the second part of it was we opened up several different bank accounts. One was our bills bank accounts, so every penny that was owed to bills for the month went into that account and all our bills were paid from it. And then we had our savings account, our tithe account, and our allowance account. And based off the spreadsheet, we just put the money, it's like the envelope system that Dave Ramsey does but we did it digitally. That's how we budgeted. [Jennifer] Okay, these next few which we're gonna wrap up with are all the same, so I'm gonna read them all and then we'll try and answer them. 17 is how do you budget with kids with one income and a stay at home mom? Number 18 is I want to be a stay at home mom, but we are not sure we can afford it. What should we do? And number 19. Do you have any advice on seeing if you're ready to go to a one-income household? How do you prepare to go to one income with a second baby? All surrounding that, one income, stay at home mom, one kid or more, how do you budget? How do you do it? [Aaron] Well, strict. Get real strict. Frugality. Learning, finding all the tricks of the trade of how to save money, how to couponing, and where's the best place to grocery shop and getting hand-me-downs, clothes-wise and shopping at thrift stores if you need to. That's, to be honest I always think like "Why are we buying brand new clothes? "These kids grow out of them so fast." [Jennifer] Well we've saved a lot of ours. [Aaron] Yeah, we save our, oh, that's frugality. We buy something and then we save it, and all of our kids get the same clothes. [Jennifer] We needed new ones when Olive came along, because she's a girl. [Aaron] Just, there's so many resources out there. There's bloggers and YouTubers and Instagrammers that talk about this. And creating a strategy and praying through it, getting wisdom and advice, and then figuring out the process. [Jennifer] I think a really huge encouragement here would be if you're preparing to go to that one-income household and mom's gonna be staying at home or maybe mom's already home and there's another baby on the way and money just feels tight, in those seasons I would just encourage you to be reminded, both of you be reminded of your why. Why is mom staying at home? Because the ministry-- [Aaron] What's important for ya? [Jennifer] The ministry of raising children and managing a home and having attention there is so valuable. More valuable than having that extra income or having multiple streams of revenue just for the sake of building your guys' financial security, and I just want to encourage those moms who are at home who are just working so hard to be home with their kids and to have that type of lifestyle, even if it means forsaking an extra income. Find a way to make it work and be motivated because of that value. [Aaron] Yeah, and then going back to the living paycheck to paycheck, be praying and actively looking for a better paying job. Maybe it's gonna take some night school to learn a new skill, but work hard and let the family know that it's gonna be a hard season until this date when things will change, because I'm gonna be in school or looking for a new job or working a new job or a second job. And figure those things out. And I do want to say, our current world has made it exceedingly difficult to do family the way it's always been done. I just wanted to commiserate with that and I wanted to let everyone know to be praying through that and asking God to show them, and to reveal how they can make that happen in their home, if that's the desire they have. That's the end of our questions. [Jennifer] That wraps up the questions that you guys asked, and we just want to say thank you for sharing those questions with us. Hopefully we did them some justice and encouraged, send them some encouragement with how we answered them. [Aaron] Yeah. Before we pray for you guys, I just wanted to remind you that at Marriage After God, the whole reason we're doing this is that we want to please God. We want to chase after His will for our lives. We want to be used by Him. We want our marriages to be used to grow His Kingdom. And a Marriage After God doesn't neglect and doesn't aimlessly go through life financially. We do these things with purpose and I know it can seem hard, and it is hard, but that's what we're doing, we're doing hard things. And we're doing it by the power of the Holy Spirit, and so we just want to encourage you to press on, to begin to learn self-control and learn to beat your bodies so that you're not disqualified in this race. And know that we're doing it with you. [Jennifer] Okay, we just want to ask that you join us in prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for everything you give to us. Thank you for our finances and thank you for our jobs so that we can provide for our families, so that we can give back to you and be generous with others. We pray we would be good stewards of all that you give to us especially money. We pray we would be faithful to use our money the way you want us to. Help us to be united in our marriage in the way that we spend, save, and give. Help us to make financial decisions with wisdom and with wise counsel. Please help us to live debt-free, and may our lives be a testimony to others of your faithfulness. May we be people who seek to use our finances to build your Kingdom, in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week and we'll see you next time. [Narrator] Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 06 Jan 2020 | It Is Time To Be People Of Our Word | 00:56:46 | |
In this episode, we explore the topic of new year resolutions and how being people of our word is so much more important. Jesus tells us that we must be people who mean what we say. Our YES must be our yes and our NO must be our NO. We also give simple tips and ideas on how to be better at keeping our word this year and how not being people of our word can hurt not only ourselves and our relationship with our spouse but also with our kids and others.
READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT: Aaron: Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God.
Jennifer: Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
Aaron: And today we're going to talk about how to be people of our word. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
Jennifer: I'm Jennifer also known as unveiled wife.
Aaron: And I'm Aaron also known as husband revolution.
Jennifer: We have been married for over a decade.
Aaron: And so far we have four young children.
Jennifer: We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
Aaron: With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
Jennifer: We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life.
Aaron: Love.
Jennifer: And power.
Aaron: That can only be found by chasing after God.
Jennifer: Together.
Aaron: Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
Jennifer: This is Marriage After God. Well, happy 2020, everyone.
Aaron: I was wondering if you're going to say 2020 or 2,020.
Jennifer: I'm a 2,020 er. I guess.
Aaron: Yeah, I'm a 2020 er. I think.
Jennifer: I don't think I've said it before.
Aaron: Or 2,020? 2020. It's the first time we're saying it.
Jennifer: It's the 20s.
Aaron: It's the 20... We're in the 20s. I did see a meme that said... It said, "Everyone be aware the 20s is starting in a couple days." And it showed this picture of all these really dapper men wearing the 20s suits, and it looked really cool. I was like, "I wish. I wish it was that 20s." Now, we're in 2020.
Jennifer: If they were here. This is crazy if you think about it.
Aaron: We're in a new decade. I don't know if everyone's thought about that. But we're literally in a new decade. That's insane. So this is the first episode of the year for us. If you're noticing it's launching on a Monday, that's a new thing for us.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: We usually launch on Wednesdays, but now we're going to try launching on Mondays and see if we like that timeframe of launching episodes.
Jennifer: Hopefully, you guys like it too. If you want to give us some feedback, just head on over to Instagram at marriageaftergod and let us know what you think.
Aaron: Yeah. We had a... Man, I feel like we had an awesome 2019.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: 2019.
Jennifer: I liked it.
Aaron: 2019? 2,019.
Jennifer: 2,019.
Aaron: And I just wanted to do a quick recap of just what 2,019 looked like for us as a family. And we're going to talk about things that we're excited about for 2020.
Jennifer: Yep.
Aaron: And then we're going to talk about the topic. So, the first thing I can think of from 2019.
Jennifer: Even though it happened mid-year.
Aaron: It's like mid-year.
Jennifer: It was a lot of work in preparation leading up to it.
Aaron: Our book, Marriage After God.
Jennifer: Yep.
Aaron: Launched June 2019.
Jennifer: June 4th.
Aaron: June 4th, yeah. And man, thousands and thousands of you guys have gotten a copy of this book. And we've had such good feedback from it. And we just love seeing what the Lord's doing in and through this book. Not in the book, I guess. Through the book in marriages. And so if you haven't gotten a copy of the Marriage After God book, you can head over to Amazon, you can head over to our store, shop.marriageaftergod.com and pick up a copy today. You get a bunch of free resources with it when you do. But that was a huge thing.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: That's like a lot of time, a lot of work writing, the publishing process.
Jennifer: Like two years worth [crosstalk 00:03:02]
Aaron: The waiting, then the marketing and then all of that stuff. I feel like we just wanted to take a ton of break off, like after that. A ton of time off because it was exhausting. And what else happened in 2019?
Jennifer: Well, shortly after the launch of Marriage After God, we found out we were expecting again.
Aaron: Yeah, we're pregnant with number five.
Jennifer: Number five. So most of my summer was sitting on the back porch just not feeling well. But the kids played and it was great. And it was beautiful. And I think a lot of that hopefulness of this pregnancy and meeting our daughter, [crosstalk 00:03:35] Edith.
Aaron: Edith.
Jennifer: Yeah, I'm just sat with us the rest of the year.
Aaron: Yeah, and this has been a difficult pregnancy, but it's been teaching us a lot, which is really cool. Number five [crosstalk 00:03:46]
Jennifer: Not difficulty because I've had, like health issues or anything like that, but just feeling nauseous and already having little kids that we're helping nurture.
Aaron: Yeah, there's been no complications just it's been a rough physically.
Jennifer: It's been harder than the other ones, for sure.
Aaron: Yeah.
Jennifer: I just wanted to clarify.
Aaron: But you're on the other side of that. Yes, you have a little bit of hard time sleeping sometimes. But this has been... We're excited to meet Edith.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: In March.
Jennifer: I felt like getting through the holidays and focusing on Christmas was like my goal, because I knew once the new year came, my next thing [crosstalk 00:04:21]
Aaron: You're like, "This is coming."
Jennifer: Welcoming this baby. And so I'm just so excited to be kicking off this new year with that in my heart and getting ready to meet her.
Aaron: Another big thing that happened in 2019 for us was we branched off from our home church and planted a home church with a few couples.
Jennifer: So we've been doing home church since Olive was about three months old.
Aaron: Oh, wow.
Jennifer: Yeah. So it's been a few years and it grew. And the point of branching off and planting a new home church was for growth.
Aaron: Yeah. Instead of just the mentality that we have with our home churches, instead of growing and staying together and buying a building and expanding that way, we just plant churches in homes. So there's been two other churches planted from that one home church over the last couple years. And so we've been doing it for eight months now. And it's incredible. The families that have come, the people that God's brought in, and the relationships that we're building.
Aaron: It's teaching us new levels of love for one another. It's teaching us how to grow in our giftings. I've been teaching a lot more in our home church. It's just so cool. And so that's been a huge thing. It really exciting. Probably one of my... Other than having another baby coming, it's probably one of my favorite things that happened last year was planting that home church.
Jennifer: Another thing that stands out to me is, I've been homeschooling the kids. I feel like since they were born just because of the nature of who I am and what I love [crosstalk 00:05:47]
Aaron: The way we worked out.
Jennifer: The way we work.
Aaron: We don't talk to them like babies.
Jennifer: well, and not just that, but I was in the Christian preschool education system for so long. And so I had this background to know just how to incorporate teaching and learning with young kids throughout the preschool years. And so I've always just naturally done it with my kids. But this was the first year that we officially started Grade One. And it was a big deal to me because [crosstalk 00:06:13]
Aaron: It's like a real grade.
Jennifer: Well, it's a grade, right? I was nervous. I've never done it before. Aaron and I both have been public schooled. And so we didn't have you know, a lot of background with homeschooling, we have a great community that encourages it and has support where if I have a question I can go talk to my friends.
Aaron: Lots of homeschoolers.
Jennifer: Lots of homeschoolers around here, which has been great, but just starting off with Grade One and it feeling so official. I don't know. It just freaked me out a little bit.
Aaron: Do you feel like it felt like diving into a pool without knowing how to swim?
Jennifer: Yeah, I mean, I guess. Yeah.
Aaron: Well, we spent months considering all the options.
Jennifer: Well, and I spent a long time preparing what we were going to teach him and how we were going to teach him and you know what, you guys? I don't [crosstalk 00:07:01]
Aaron: I'm going to say this before you finish.
Jennifer: Okay, what?
Aaron: You're crushing it.
Jennifer: You're sweet.
Aaron: She has a student binder, she has this program she's doing, she's scheduled in the breaks that we're going to take. She's like [crosstalk 00:07:10]
Jennifer: I was just going to say this [crosstalk 00:07:11]
Aaron: She's crushing it, guys.
Jennifer: We're both really enjoying it. Me and Elliott. We are really enjoying it.
Aaron: Well, and it's not just like Elliott, you're bringing all the kids along. They're all at different stages, but, man, you're doing a really good job.
Jennifer: Thank you.
Aaron: Yeah. So how excited are you for 2020?
Jennifer: Okay, I already mentioned this, but I'm so excited for 2020 because I get to meet my second daughter. I can't get over that. I can't believe it.
Aaron: Olive's super excited. She just cannot wait. She's like, "I'm going to have a sister." So yeah, 2020's got a lot of potential. And that's what's awesome about New Year's is there's so much potential because it hasn't happened yet.
Jennifer: Yeah, we've shared about this in our book. But Aaron and I love to dream together and vision cast and every end of the year season, we do this together, but this last year, we did a little bit earlier in December and it was so refreshing just to... We went on a date but we spent like three and a half hours just sitting there writing down notes and talking and getting out of our hearts what we had been thinking about and dreaming about and just asking each other some hard questions about our relationship, about our relationship with the kids.
Aaron: About work, about books.
Jennifer: It felt so good.
Aaron: About lots of things.
Jennifer: Yeah, where we're headed for this new year. And then my birthday was a couple days ago, and we got another date night in where we just got to just go over a little bit of those things that we had talked about, and set our sights on them and aim for some goals this next year.
Aaron: Yeah, just so everyone knows that... Maybe don't know Jennifer's birthday is on the 31st. December 31st. So she's a New Year's Eve baby. And then our wedding anniversary [crosstalk 00:08:47]
Jennifer: Is today.
Aaron: Is today.
Jennifer: Happy anniversary.
Aaron: Yeah, we've been married [crosstalk 00:08:52]
Jennifer: 13 years.
Aaron: I almost messed it up. 13 years. I was going to say 12 but we're done with 12 now we're in the 13. Yeah. 13 years, we've been married. So that's our... We're launching on our anniversary.
Jennifer: Awesome.
Aaron: Our marriage birth day. Is that how that works?
Jennifer: Launching the podcast's new season.
Aaron: Yeah, this is a new season. This is season three, I think of the Marriage After God podcast. And this is our 13th anniversary today.
Jennifer: Awesome.
Aaron: Yeah. So we have a lot that happens in the end of the year, in the beginning of the year, which is why we get to talk about a lot of things. And we always encourage, you can go back and listen to our episode on dreaming together on our podcast, episodes and episodes ago, but you should go check it out. But it just talks about what we do, and why we do it, and how powerful it is to set goals and dreams and writing them down and talking about them together and how unifying it is. And it's something we try and do. And what are some of the things that we've talked about? What things are we looking forward to this year that they may or may not happen? But the goal is we're going to [inaudible 00:09:54]
Jennifer: Yeah, we've submitted these things before the Lord and we just really... We hope to see them come to be. And I'm really excited about the first one, I'm going to share it with you guys. It's been one of our biggest goals. Like it's been on the table for some time, but we haven't actively pursued it. And it's children's books.
Aaron: Yeah, Jennifer's written two amazing children's books.
Jennifer: You're being so nice to me.
Aaron: I know. We're not going to tell you what the names of them are, because they're special. But you'll find out when they launch, whenever they launch because we don't have a publisher yet. But we're looking for one. And they're going to be incredible. You're going to love them.
Jennifer: I hope so.
Aaron: So we're going to be pursuing that this year, we're going to try and find a publisher. We're going to try and get those children's books published this... Either this year or next year. I don't know how long it takes to get a children's book published but we're going to try.
Jennifer: Yeah, because there's art involved. But one reason why I'm so excited about this, you guys, is having young kids and having this message that we want to share with them. It just feels like a gift. It feels like something that we can create for them, right now, in their season of life that they'll get and that would inspire them and hopefully, a lot of others kids.
Aaron: Yeah. And a little secret about it is they're going to have a marriage focus.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: Which is interesting, because you're like, "How do you do a children's book but have a marriage focus?" Well, you'll have to find out. Another goal that we have this year is to try and do more giveaways. We want to give away... We've been doing these giveaways with Bibles. And we've been partnering with a couple companies that sell Bibles and have these really incredible Bibles. And I've been really enjoying it. And there's something special about giving away a Bible, getting Bibles into people's hands.
Aaron: And so we're going to try and do that more when trying to partner with some companies that have some awesome Bibles, which Jennifer just did a giveaway. And we're actually going to ship those books out soon with a really beautiful Bible for women. It's got this fabric cover and it's ESV, which we love, and I give away a Bible. I actually have the Bible, I use it. I've given a couple of them why now, but we just... I think we want to do a little bit more of those Bible giveaways this year.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: More often.
Jennifer: It's a fun way to spread the gospel.
Aaron: Yeah, I know right now I have three Bibles sitting on my desk that I want to give away. So we're going to do that soon. So in order to be a part of those giveaways, by the way, follow us on Instagram at marriageaftergod and unveiledwife and husbandrevolution. So those are other ways to find out about the giveaways because we post about them. But that's one of our goals this year is to give away more Bibles.
Jennifer: Yep. The last one that we're going to share with you guys is just that we love the Marriage After God community we love being able to host this podcast for you and our hearts in talking about the podcast was just that this is going to be a year of intentionality where we are going to put so much thoughtfulness into the content, not that we haven't in the past, but we just really [crosstalk 00:12:44]
Aaron: We want to put more.
Jennifer: We wanted to share that with you guys because we want you to know how God is stirring in our hearts to make this podcast and this content something that's really encouraging and challenging and makes you walk away really truly considering how God is moving in your life and in your marriage and in your relationships. And so I just put that out there to let you guys know that this podcast is the main priority for us. And we're excited and thrilled to... And honored to be able to do it for you.
Aaron: Yeah. So one last thing before we get into the topic, we want to invite you to join our free Marriage Prayer Challenge, we have almost 20,000 people that have already joined this challenge and are currently in it. And so if you want to join it, it's marriageprayerchallenge.com. It's completely free. You'll get a series of emails over the next 31 days, prompting you and giving you things to pray for, for your spouse, and you can choose to take the husband challenge or the wife challenge depending on who you are in the marriage.
Aaron: And it's awesome people are loving it. I get thank you emails almost every day from people thanking me for the challenge and we just want to let you know we've created these resources for you, not for us but for you to grow in your relationship with the Lord, to grow closer to your spouse and to see him move in your marriage. And so we want to invite you, marriageprayerchallenge.com. That's marriageprayerchallenge.com. All one word. And join that prayer challenge.
Aaron: So let's slide right into the topic at hand. And it seemed like a no-brainer. It's the new year, people are talking about resolutions, commitments, people want change, they're going to take this new year and say, "Okay, we're going to start today, and we're going to do this new thing. I'm going to pursue this idea. I'm going to make this change in my life." And we wanted to talk about that. But in a different way. We want to talk about in a core way, when that is deeper inside of us, at the core of who we are, rather than trying to help you figure out how to keep your resolutions this year.
Jennifer: Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of vantage points too to this conversation, a lot of layers to be peeled back on it. And so we're just going to peel back one of those layers on this discussion and talk about what it means to be specifically people of our word.
Aaron: Right, if you look at it, the resolution side of things, I set a new year's resolution. I'm going to lose five pounds. I'm going to start this business. I'm going to fill in the blank. And that's a thing that we say, a statement we make and then if we don't follow through with it, we weren't a person of our word. I said I was going to do one thing, and I did another. Or I said, I was going to do this thing, and I didn't do it.
Aaron: And so that's what I want to talk about. Are we men and women of our word? Regardless of the resolutions we set, because if you are a person of your word, if you set a resolution, you will follow through with it. If you set a commitment, you're going to follow through that commitment. So it's a important attribute of a believer's life that are our yes be yes and our no be no.
Jennifer: [inaudible 00:15:47]
Aaron: That's nothing in between that.
Jennifer: Let's read that verse. So Matthew 5:33-37.
Aaron: It says, again, you have heard it that it was said to those of old, you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn. But I say to you, do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God or by earth, for it is the footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you can't make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply yes, or no. Anything more than this comes from evil. This is Jesus talking.
Jennifer: Okay, so before we unpack the principle here and why you chose this verse to kick this topic off. Would you just spend a little bit of time on the last part of that verse and maybe explain what it means when it says, simply, yes or no, anything more than this comes from evil?
Aaron: Well, let's think about this. If I tell someone, I'm going to do this thing for them. That's a yes, right? I'm going to do this thing for them. And I don't follow through with that. Am I a liar?
Jennifer: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
Aaron: Is lying a good thing? Now, we can come up with tons of excuses. And we can say, "Well, I mean, there's circumstances and something comes up." And yeah, that may be true. But when we tell people, when we say to ourselves, to others, to our kids, to our wife, to our friends, to our pastor, to the people that we walk in fellowship with one thing and do another, that's not good. That's an evil thing.
Aaron: And so what Jesus is saying, he's like, "Don't swear by God because... Or don't swear by heaven, because that's the throne of God, you have no control over heaven. Don't swear by earth, because you have no control of earth. It's not yours." He even says, "Don't swear by your own head." Because these are things that people will do, "I swear by the hair in my head or I swear by my own." It's like, what he's saying is, is you're trying to give authority to your word that doesn't exist.
Jennifer: So where does that authority come from? Through your actions, right?
Aaron: It comes from your actions. So what he's saying, he's like, "Let's just be people that when we say something, we do it, we mean it." And that is where your authority comes from, the action. And so if we have to... And he's saying, "Don't even give oaths." And if you read throughout the Old Testament, I'm not going to bring these stories up. If you read throughout the Old Testament, there were men who made oaths that regretted them. And they had to follow through with them because it was a law. If you made a note and you didn't follow through with it, you were breaking God's law.
Aaron: And so Jesus is taking it even further and saying, "Don't even need the oaths. The oaths don't mean anything. Because what means something is that you do what you say." And so that's what we're getting to as believers is, are we men and women who do what we say that we're men and women of action, right? There's another scripture I was just thinking about James that it says, if you hear the word and do not do, you're like a man who looks in a mirror and walks away and immediately forgets what you look like. It says, but rather, do what you hear, like be doers of the word.
Jennifer: Yeah, there's another verse that comes to my mind in talking about this and it's Ephesians 4:29. It says, "Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear." And usually, we hear this verse in context. And we've shared it before in other episodes, but in context to the word choices that we use, and things that we say.
Aaron: And negative things.
Jennifer: So when you hear [crosstalk 00:19:13]
Aaron: Hateful things, hurtful things.
Jennifer: And those are very obvious. But in light of simply saying yes or no, and sticking to it with your actions, I feel like we can easily fall into this crep talk if we are saying one thing and doing another.
Aaron: Right. And a good example of this would be, as a husband, I tell my wife, "I'm going to be home at a certain time." Now, the one time it happens, and hey, I really tried there was traffic there was this, right? It's one thing, but if I'm telling my wife, I'm going to be home. And I'm just using my words to appease her or tell her one thing and make her think one thing. And then consistently [crosstalk 00:19:50]
Jennifer: Day after day, after day.
Aaron: I'm home five minutes late, 10 minutes late, 12 minutes late.
Jennifer: An hour late. Yeah.
Aaron: Right? And I'm always having an excuse. I'm not building up my wife, I'm not giving grace to her. All she hears when I say it now is like, "Yeah, right."
Jennifer: That talk is actually corrupting your marriage relationship.
Aaron: Right. So it goes back to if I can't say yes to her, I need to tell her... It's a truth thing.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: The truth is, I won't be able to make it at that time. In reality, or the truth is if I say that, then I need to make changes in the things that I'm doing to make sure that the thing I said, it's true. Because I don't want to be a liar. We want to be men and women of light, of truth. And so, yeah, when we say things that we don't mean, which is another level of corruption, I'm just saying it. I'm giving lip service is what the Bible calls it.
Aaron: I'm telling God, I love him with my mouth, but hating with my actions. That's called lip service. I'm telling someone, I'm going to do something but in my heart, have no intention of actually following through with it. That's corrupt. And that is from evil. That's what Jesus was saying. Anything else other than your yes and your no is from evil because what you're doing is you're either making yourself look good just for the sake of showing a certain face, you're trying to intentionally deceive someone, you're trying to make someone think one thing while you're going to do another. None of those things are good.
Aaron: And so that's... When I think about that scripture of crep talk, is our words... Are we corrupt? Are we trying to walk in? I mean, and this isn't to talk about those occasions of misfortune or accidents.
Jennifer: Right. There's grace for those things.
Aaron: Right. Of course, this is the core of who we are.
Jennifer: Pattern, a belief system, a way [crosstalk 00:21:33]
Aaron: When we say something, do we mean it? Or do we just say things? Which brings me to another thought is, are we thoughtful about the words that come out of our mouth? Or do we just let things come out? Am I just making empty promises, because in the moment, it just, "Oh, yeah, everyone's... Oh, yeah, I'm going to do that too. Yeah." And so that's what we want to talk about. Because this is much deeper than just keeping resolutions. This is everything in our life. Do our kids look at us and know they can trust what we say?
Jennifer: Right. Even in the smallest of things, because I've recognized that as a parent, I've had to stop myself mid-sentence because I'm going to say something that I know I don't mean. Saying the word maybe or saying the word yes when I really mean no, or not right now. I need to be truthful to my kids if I want to build trust with them.
Aaron: But we want to be reliable. The Lord wants us to be reliable. So how could our kids feel secure if they never know? They can't. And that's a good example, I was thinking about that with my kids. They'll ask me questions and the easy response is maybe or, I'll think about it, or let's see, and I do that often, actually. But if I took a moment to think about I could either say, yes, and then my kids know, "Oh, we're going to do that thing." Or I could say, "No, we're not going to do that today." And it'd be done.
Jennifer: But what's required of us to be able to stop and be people who really, truly consider our words and think through all of that?
Aaron: Well, we have to consider... We have to understand who we are, our own limitations, our own abilities, what the day has to hold, it calls us to be more thoughtful.
Jennifer: We have to count the cost of whatever that is that thing that we're committing to.
Aaron: Yeah, which is a biblical wisdom that we are talking, counting the cost, thinking through, making our plans, not just being frivolous, not just being flippant. And actually, being thoughtful.
Jennifer: Everybody gets to answer the question, are we ready to pay the price for this? In the sense that if you are someone who doesn't follow through with your word with the commitments and the goals and the resolutions that you've made, you're either going to pay the price in your relationships, in a negative way. Or you're going to be a person who's going to count the cost ahead of time and pay the price the right way.
Aaron: Yeah, what's it worth to keep your word?
Jennifer: What sacrifice do I need to make for that to happen?
Aaron: Yeah. And all this goes back to building that trust, the reliability. And it's a name that we're building. And it's not just our name... We're going to get into this more, but there's a name that we represent as Christians.
Jennifer: Okay, so this leads me to a question what is easier to simply say yes or no? Or the following through of our yeses and our nos?
Aaron: Well, it's easier to say yes or no. But it's not right. And I would say, since it's new year, we were talking about resolutions, a perfect example of this is new year's resolutions. It's so easy to make them and we think that January 1st is going to give us something we didn't have December 31st. We think that January 1st is going to open a door that was closed on December 31st. And so what we do is we say... It's almost like making an oath on heaven or earth or on our head because we think, "Oh, New Year's has some power that's going to make my yes a yes. January 1st has this authority that I can make an oath by, that's going to give me some self-control that I did not have before."
Aaron: I'm technically making an oath on. And Jesus saying... He's like, "Don't do that. It's not yours. You can't make an oath on 2020 thinking that 2020 is going to make it come true." So, new year's resolutions is a perfect example of it's easier to say yes, than it is to follow through on that, yes, it's easier to make the resolution than it is to resolve the resolution, complete the resolution. And so, is that what we're doing when we make resolutions? When we tell someone we're going to pray for them? When we tell our kids we're going to do this thing this year? Or we're going to hit this goal this year? Or we're going to do this as a family? It's easy to say yes and make ourselves look good in the moment to someone or to [crosstalk 00:26:04]
Jennifer: Or to our ourselves.
Aaron: Or to even ourselves. Yeah. But it's much more difficult and it's much more spiritual to be able to follow through on things.
Jennifer: There's a statistic out that says that less than 10% actually follow through with their new year's resolutions.
Aaron: Yeah, and I would imagine, that's probably a high probability that it's even less than that.
Jennifer: I mean, we've experienced this before mid-spring fall out, you have all this momentum, and you're goal-oriented and you're set-up for success and then your flesh gets in the way and all of a sudden you're off the rails, you are not staying committed to what you've decided. We've experienced this in the past. And I would say in those times, it was because we weren't committed truthfully, in our hearts. We weren't committed to those yeses. Like we should have been.
Aaron: Well, and that's a good point. When we say yes, even to ourselves, let's say, it's our diet or exercise or getting in the word or how we're going to commit our self at church, whatever those things are, do we even actually believe it in our own heart? Or are we saying it hoping it's going to change? Like that fake it until you make it. Like, "I'm just going to keep saying it until it's true." Rather than actually believing it. Because the root of transformation, the root of any change in anyone's life, starts with belief. It's how the gospel works.
Aaron: It says if you believe in your heart... Our salvation is based on belief, we believe. And then the faith is the action of that belief. So, belief leads to faith. So I believe what God has said is true and my faith is the acting out of that belief. And so in our own life, we are going to do anything, we're going to say yes to anything or no to anything if we're going to make any actual transformation change in our life.
Aaron: It's got to start with belief. So if we're just saying things, but knowing it's not... Not believing it, but hoping that the belief comes someday, it won't. Because it has to start with the belief first. And we talked about this a lot with our own life and things that we have struggled with.
Jennifer: Yeah, I was just going to say, there's been times in my life where I believe that I should make this commitment. And I believe that I can do it, for a period of time. But there's also this part of my heart that I don't talk about that I believe that I'll do it for as long as I can. And then once I can, it's okay.
Aaron: It's what you believe.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: And so you were only able to get as far as your belief brought you, what you believed was true. And so what we believe, it creates how we act because that's what faith is. It's the action of our belief. It's acting on the thing you know to be true, right? So if we believe we can't, then we won't. So no matter how many times you say you can if you believe you can't, you're not going to.
Jennifer: Yeah. One of the things that I wanted to bring up since I did already mentioned that there's been times in our past where we've experienced that fall out of not following through with commitments or goals that we've made. Something that's really helped us out is strategy. So when we actually communicate and verbalize with each other and utilizing the gift of marriage for this is so perfect, because you have someone who's on your team. When we sit down, and we talk about the things that we believe, the things that we want to change, the goals that we want to make, and we write them down, and we make a plan. We have been, what would you say 99% more successful in accomplishing those things. Because we've been actionable.
Aaron: Yeah. And then the second part of that is not just writing it down, because what that does is it makes you accountable to it out in the real world. It's this idea of if you say it in your head, but never say it out loud, then it only exists in your head and it doesn't ever have to be real. So it could be fluid, it could change. And be awry because no one knows. And I mean, yeah, it was this way, but now it's this way. But then when we say it out loud and write it down, it actually becomes a real thing.
Aaron: And you're like, "Oh, that's a commitment. That's a real thing." And in order to change that, I have to erase it, or scribble it out, which means I'm having to confront my own change. And then the other part of that is accountability, meaning if I write it down and say it out loud, but never tell anyone, then I have a backdoor to be able to make that... To change however I want. And no one will know. No one will be able to say like, "I thought you were doing x, y, z." You're like, "Oh, what are you talking about?"
Jennifer: Right. So if you tell somebody like I've told you things that I've been wrestling with that I want to change or set a goal for, and the moment I tell you, I'm held accountable, and then you think about it [crosstalk 00:30:52]
Aaron: Well, and later on when I see something, I'm like, "Hey, I thought you were... You told me we're going to do something else?"
Jennifer: Or, "How are you doing with x, y, z?" There's that accountability, and it's a beautiful thing for marriage.
Aaron: It's also really hard.
Jennifer: To see it play out. Yeah.
Aaron: But if you want to be that person, that person that is a man or woman of your word, when you say, yes, to something, yourself, another person, that yes means yes. Every time. Now, we always want to go back to this grace and mercy. And this is not about perfection. But it's about character. It's about principle. It's about value. It's about where do we get these things from? It comes from the word of God. It's the people God's called us to be, not just called us to be but empowered us to be. We have the holy spirit.
Aaron: In 2 Peter 1:3 says, we've been given all things that pertain to life and godliness, all things for those who are in Christ Jesus. If we are in Christ Jesus, we have his spirit, his power. It's not ours. And so we have to lean on that we say, "Lord, I need your help. I feel so weak in this area." Jennifer, do you ever feel like this in your life with anything like that? You've tried in your own strength, and you're like, "I don't know why it can't change or I can't do this thing." And what's my response to you?
Jennifer: Well, you're not supposed to be doing it on your own strength.
Aaron: You're right.
Jennifer: You always tell me to be praying about it, you tell me to go to the Lord, what does God's word say about me? Say about what the thing that I'm wrestling with?
Aaron: And where does the power come from? Him
Jennifer: Him.
Aaron: And so when we fail, we look to him and say, "I failed. I need more of what you have for me, I need more of you, Lord. I need to come to you." And then God says, "My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in your weakness." And so we get to be reminded of our own weakness that we're not supernaturally powerful. We have his power, which is actually supernatural. I meant to say, we're not inherently powerful.
Jennifer: We're not superheroes.
Aaron: We're not superheroes. Yeah.
Jennifer: He is.
Aaron: So I have a question for you. Why do we even make commitments? Why would someone be obligated or obliged to say yes to someone or agree to something that they may [inaudible 00:33:00]
Jennifer: Everyone that just made new year's resolutions a couple days ago is thinking, "Yeah, why did I do that?"
Aaron: "I shouldn't have done that."
Jennifer: I think it comes down to what we... We want something. There's something that we want. And if it's a commitment we're making to someone else that somebody else wants, it's to [crosstalk 00:33:17]
Aaron: Maybe make ourselves look good to them.
Jennifer: Or maybe we do want to follow through with it, but we don't actually believe we can. And so there is that wrestling.
Aaron: We don't want to let them down.
Jennifer: Yeah, but I think the question is, do we make commitments just to look good or impress or think a certain way? Or do we actually truly want to be trustworthy, reliable, full of integrity people?
Aaron: And that's a good place that we could start when we are thinking about things we're going to say yes to or no to is asking us why are we saying yes? Can we fulfill this? Will we be able to do it well?
Jennifer: It requires us to slow down a little bit because in this fast-paced world we live in, it's easy to just say yes to everyone and everything. But I think it's really important for us, especially as Christians to slow down and consider, why are we saying yes to that thing or no to that thing?
Aaron: Even with ourselves, why do I want to get healthy? Why do I want exercise? Why do I want eat better?
Jennifer: What are our motivations?
Aaron: Why do I want to get into the word more? Why do I want to... You fill in the blank of the thing that you want to commit for yourself because oftentimes resolutions or commitments, they're internal. The things that... We don't like something about ourselves, that there's something that we want to grow, and we recognize that we need to change.
Aaron: So asking yourself like, what does that mean, and why? And then asking yourself how that's going to work? And we're going to get into some practical tips in a little bit. But these are some good questions we need to be asking ourselves about these yeses and noes in our life.
Jennifer: As we're asking ourselves those questions also, we need to keep in mind why it's important to be people of our word. That was one of the reasons why we wanted to take this episode in this direction. So maybe we can just ask them some of the hard questions. Through the examples in probably all of our lives that we've experienced.
Aaron: Well, think about this, we are called Christians. What is a Christian?
Jennifer: A Christ-follower, someone who follows in his footsteps.
Aaron: Right. And so we're in the world, so, we're his followers but God calls us something else. He calls us representatives. He calls us ambassadors. So we're ambassadors and ambassadors represent a country, they represent a place, a land, they are not itself, the land or the place. They are representative of the thing, of the place. And so that's what we are. And so, going back to this idea of people of our word, it's not just for our own sake, there's something bigger involved.
Aaron: We're ambassadors for a land. We're ambassadors for a people, for each other. And we're most importantly, ambassadors for God, representing Christ on earth right now. We're his body. And so, when we're not people of our word, we end up being horrible ambassadors. There's people that aren't believers, and they always hear us say one thing and do another, "Oh, yeah, that person always or never follows through." Like at our jobs. Think about this.
Aaron: That we work for a boss, we tell him we're going to get something done, and we don't. Or we have a partner at our job, and we are supposed to get something done and we've let it fall through the cracks because of whatever.
Jennifer: Or we tell that friend, we've seen a dozen times, "Yeah, we're going to get together, we're going to get coffee."
Aaron: And never call them.
Jennifer: "We're going to have dinner, we're going to do something." And then yeah, never call them.
Aaron: We have that person. We're like, "We're going to bring them a meal or we're going to..." And we just don't, "Oh, I didn't have time."
Jennifer: Someone asked for a prayer request.
Aaron: "Oh, I'll pray for you."
Jennifer: And you don't.
Aaron: And you walk away and you never pray for them. These are real things that represent what we believe about ourselves, about God, about people. And it gets in the way of the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ that he's actually changed us. And because of what he's done for us, because of him, in his completed work on the cross, saving us, puts a deep desire in our hearts to look like him, and to be like him and to follow him and to chase him. And do we think Jesus was a man of his word?
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: Do you think Jesus ever told someone one thing and did another?
Jennifer: Mm-mm (negative)
Aaron: No, Jesus was who he said he was and he did what he said he did. And even said, at one point, he said, "I only do the things that the father tells me to do. And I only go to the places the father sends me." Right? And he's saying... He's like, "If I say it, it's what God said. If I do it, it's what's God doing. If I go there, it's where God wants me." That's what Jesus did.
Aaron: And so there's no going back and forth, there's no being wishy-washy. There's no being double-minded. There's no being double-tongued like I say one thing out of my mouth, but I mean another. I say another thing over here. And we want to be ambassadors... We're [inaudible 00:38:12] We don't want to be, we are ambassadors for Christ. And the question is, are we representing him well? Of course, in his spirit, he's empowering us to do it. But are we?
Jennifer: Yeah, when I think about the importance of keeping our word, the hard question I would ask is, how does your actions impact spreading the gospel? Because either you are or you're not, right?
Aaron: Yeah, exactly. And I'll give it a just a couple of examples. So in my own life, I do all the customer service for our store, if anyone didn't know that, that's true. So when you email me, it's me talking to you. And often, people ask for prayer, and I don't write out prayers for people. I can't... We don't give advice but I often will say, "I'm praying for you." That's all I'll say. And I actually stop for a moment and I pray for those people to the best of my ability, because I don't know all the details of their life, but the holy spirit does.
Aaron: I don't just say it just to look righteous and let people know like, "Oh, look, they pray for us." I actually do it because I want to be a man of my word. Even through an email with a couple of words to this person who doesn't know me. I want them to know that... And I want you to know, right now, if you ask for prayer and I said, "I'm praying for you." I did. And if I can't, I don't, right? And so that's just one example. Like when we talk to other people, and we say, in person, I try not to say, "I'm going to pray for you." And then go away. I try to pray for them right then.
Jennifer: Some things are a longevity game, though, and it requires that constant prayer.
Aaron: But that's one little activity.
Jennifer: No, it's good. Good example.
Aaron: In my own life, but there's lots of other things. My kids, I was thinking about, if I tell my son, I'm going to do something with him later, or "Hey, maybe I'll think about it." I do that a lot and we talked about it at the beginning. But I want to be better. I want to tell him like, "Yes, I'm going to do it, let's do it." Or [crosstalk 00:40:06]
Jennifer: "No, I can't."
Aaron: "No, I can't."
Jennifer: Yeah. And I think that if we consistently fail at keeping our word whether to ourselves in the goals that we've made, the commitments that we've made, or to others.
Aaron: Or to our kids.
Jennifer: We're creating distressed in the root of people's hearts, and in our own hearts. And so when we go to share the gospel, when we go to teach from God's word, we can't do it effectively, because people will not trust what we have to say.
Aaron: Yeah, and we want to be trustworthy. We want to be men and women who mean what we say and say what we mean.
Jennifer: And do what we say. And we want to be a foundation for people, a place of security, a place of safety and trust, not of insecurity.
Aaron: And you know what? If we are these people, when we don't follow through, when we drop the ball, when we should have said no but said yes, we will recognize it quickly. We'll be like, "Man, I was not a person of my word." And you know what we'll do? We'll go to that person, we'll go to ourselves, we'll go to our spouse, we'll go to our kids and we will apologize. We'll repent.
Jennifer: And instead of it being a confirmation for what that person believes about our character, it will actually be an opportunity for them to extend grace and love and understanding.
Aaron: Yeah. Well, and it builds trust because they know, "Oh, man, when so and so drops the ball on me, they're going to recognize it." And it's not going to be this thing where no one ever mentions it and in the back of my heart, I'm thinking, "Do they even care? Do they care that they hurt me? Or that they frustrated me, did they care?"
Aaron: Because we want to care, now, it brings us back to loving our brothers and sisters. And that's a powerful thing, going to someone and saying, "Hey, I dropped the ball on you. And I want you to forgive me. And I hope you do. And I'm going to try harder next time to not drop the ball on you."
Jennifer: So there's a big statement that I want to make. And I think it's important to just recognize because we're people of vision and future and hope and we don't just do things by the seat of our pants, we don't just keep... We know what's coming as far as [crosstalk 00:42:16]
Aaron: The Lord's return.
Jennifer: The Lord's return, right?
Aaron: Yeah.
Jennifer: And so we have work to do on this earth. And if we can keep our yes and our no in the small things, then we can do even better in the bigger things.
Aaron: Yeah, thinking about that scripture that says, if you're faithful little you will be faithful with much. And that's true. If you're faithful with the little yeses and the little nos, if you're faithful to keep those little, little commitments, you're going to be faithful to keep bigger ones.
Jennifer: Yeah. And can God look down on you and say, "I trust you." You're faithful."
Aaron: Yeah.
Jennifer: All right, so let's jump into a handful of practical ways of becoming a person of your word and also what some of the benefits are.
Aaron: Yeah, so get a pen and paper. We're not going to go deep on all these. We're just going to throw out some ideas. Say things out loud, we talked about that in the beginning, like when you say it out loud, it becomes real. And you can confront areas of weakness, and you can work on them. To make better habits.
Jennifer: You can write down your goals, which helps you strategize and aim for them because you have them written down in front of you, word for word, holding yourself accountable. And I would also say sharing those very specific goals or commitments with your spouse and communicating through them.
Aaron: And then a trick. So if you're going to just try and lose weight, this is just an example. It could be anything but writing down a strategy is infinitely more powerful than just saying, "I'm going to eat better."
Jennifer: Right.
Aaron: How? How are you going to eat better? What are you going to do when you go the grocery store? What kind of foods are you going to buy? What are you going to stop buying? What things do you currently buy that you're going to write down that we're not buying this anymore. This is no longer part of our diet? So writing down the strategy, breaking it down for little goals [inaudible 00:43:58] we are going to stop eating this thing.
Jennifer: Attainable goals.
Aaron: I'm going to stop putting cream in my coffee. I'm going to stop getting that thing. Write it down and have attainable goals and then you can know at the end of the month, you'll be like, "Wow, I actually stopped."
Jennifer: I'm doing it.
Aaron: Doing that thing. So whether you lost a pound or not, you actually reached part of your goal by making a change in your life that is actually long-term and sustainable.
Jennifer: Yeah. Here's one, make your schedule work for you in that sometimes we make commitments and we don't change anything else to make that commitment happen.
Aaron: It's just going to fit somehow.
Jennifer: It's just going to fit somehow. So take a look at your schedule and make sure that everything's conducive to that yes, you made or that no, you made.
Aaron: I think this isn't on the list. But I'm going to just point out, maybe think about over the last year, 2019, write down commitments that you dropped the ball on, and then you might be able to find a pattern of the things that you like to say yes to but you never follow through on. Maybe it's dinner dates, maybe it's having friends over, maybe it's whatever and then figure how this year you can change that, going back to your schedule thing. Maybe you leave one afternoon open a week for that thing that you said yes to and always had to say no to later. And so maybe just do a little evaluation of broken commitments, and figure out how you can fix them for this year.
Jennifer: If you're going to go that far, then I would add on a little bonus if there's ones that are leaving broken relationships to go and repent, and especially if it's with your spouse, like just say, "You know what? I just took inventory of what's going on in my life. And I'm sorry that I did this to you."
Aaron: Yeah, I promised you a date night every month, last year and we never did it once. And let's figure out a change. It's going on the calendar, like whatever it is. The other one, invite others to keep you accountable. So find someone and truly let them know say, "This is going to be hard for me. I might fight you on it. But here's something I want to change in my life. And if you see me would you just gently say, "Hey, I thought you made a commitment to that." Or "Hey, I thought you were going to..." And remind me." Invite someone.
Jennifer: And then the last one is don't go all out, up front. So you got to be realistic. And this is one thing that Aaron's actually taught me.
Aaron: I'm going to go five days a week to the gym and I'm going to do three hours of work, I'm going to lift every day, I'm going to cut everything out of my diet, I'm going to... Don't do that.
Jennifer: Make a commitment to go to the gym and hit at least once a week until you work your way up to a strength that you can maintain.
Aaron: I talked about this actually, in the episode when we talked about healthy living. One of the biggest things for me is that I didn't commit to just going to the gym every day. What I said is like, "I'm going to get up once a week at six o'clock, and I'm just going to go to the gym down my street."
Jennifer: Have those little victories in your life so that in the next year, you can look back and say, "Oh, look how much growth I've experienced." Because of those little attainable goals. Another one would be like when you think about your Bible reading with the Lord. Some people will look at the new year and go I'm going to read the Bible in a year which is great and a goal you should attain for.
Aaron: But do you realize how much reading that is?
Jennifer: Not just that, but if you're not doing it day by day, even in small chunks, there's no way you're going to fit in that kind of goal. So be realistic with yourself and what you're capable of doing.
Aaron: So to condense that the idea would be, instead of taking like, "I want to be completely like this person next week." And realize that's not possible.
Jennifer: It takes time.
Aaron: What you want to do is you want to find little things that you can change in your life that become how you are. Because right now you're not a certain way. And to be that other person takes 1000 little other things that need to change in your life.
Jennifer: Right. Okay, so what are some of the benefits of being a person of your word, Aaron? If you say you will be home at a certain time, what's the benefit?
Aaron: My wife is going to feel honored, we're going to have more stability in our home, our kids are going to know what to expect. I think you'll respect me more. I mean, you respect me, but they'll be a deep respect, they'll be like an honor. There's power and authority also. That's something we didn't talk about but there's power and authority in being a man of your word. There's people I know and when they say something, they do it every time all I think is like, "That man is so reliable. He is powerful." And I think to myself like, "I want to be more like that guy." So I think it'd be a good example my kids, they would say, "Wow, I want to be like that."
Jennifer: Okay, if I say that I'm going to do a meal plan for the week. And I do it. Our family gets blessed, food's on the table, we're going to save money.
Aaron: We'll eat better.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: Which that meal planning just in itself helps a lot of things. You can control what's going in the pantry and in the refrigerator.
Jennifer: I won't be frustrated come 3:30, 4:00. Not having a plan. If you say you will stick to a budget.
Aaron: Save money. Get out of debt.
Jennifer: Not buy useless things.
Aaron: Yeah. And have junk that has to go in the trash someday. Those are little commitments that [crosstalk 00:49:04]
Jennifer: Not have to confess and repent to your spouse.
Aaron: About your spending, about this thing, "I shouldn't have done it."
Jennifer: These are just a handful of things that we're thinking of.
Aaron: And it really is... It's integrity and it's power.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Aaron: This is something we've been talking about lately when you do these things, which are... They all go back to self-control, which is a fruit of the spirit, right? Self-control. There's power in self-control, someone who can control themselves, that's power. And that's God's power showing like, "Look at this person who's not just walking in their flesh, not just going by every whim, not every craving, every desire. They actually control themselves. They have poise and they're distinct." Because that looks different. That is surprising to the world. How do you have that much control?
Jennifer: Yeah, faithfulness is cultivated. Integrity is cultivated. So deciding in your heart to do what you say not just say it with your mouth.
Aaron: A good example of this is we talked about not having our phones in the bathroom like having devices in the bathroom like we're trying to put in place, in our own lives, things that we're going to expect of our kids.
Jennifer: Yeah. Boundaries.
Aaron: And it can be easy to be like, "Oh, I forgot." Or I can think every single time like, "I said, I'm not going to do this." And I could put my phone somewhere. And I know a lot of people use their phones in the bathroom. So they're like, "No, that's my thing." I don't know. But that's integrity. Even when my wife doesn't know I'm doing it, am I choosing to honor what we've talked about?
Jennifer: And when I think of integrity, I think of it even having integrity with yourself. Because otherwise, you're going to be constantly in conflict with your mind, as your spirit and your flesh wrestle with the things that you know you should do that you're not doing. And there's no peace in that. So if you're a person of your word, there's going to be peace. If you're a person of your word, change can happen, goals can be met, victory can be experienced.
Aaron: All the things that people are wanting.
Jennifer: Maturity.
Aaron: To grow.
Jennifer: Growth, your spouse will respect you, people will respect you. I think you mentioned that. These are all good, good things. And when you do it, when you are a person of your word, you are showing yourself and your spouse and your children, that you are a person who can be believed.
Aaron: And trusted.
Jennifer: Trusted. Therefore, when you do go to preach the gospel or teach them from God's word, they will listen and they will trust what you have to say and belief will grow in their own hearts.
Aaron: Yeah, and what's better than being able to show your kids what they're capable of in the holy spirit, that they actually can change and make decisions and say, yes, and mean it and do it. That's teaching your kids the power that they can have in God, and that they don't have to be a slave to their lack of self-control, to be a slave to their cravings and desires, but they can have control over those.
Jennifer: Yeah, and you touched on this earlier about we're not alone in these commitments that we're making. If we're Christians, then God is with us, his holy spirit is empowering us and we need to rely on him to walk us through that. But that means we need to be open with God and share with him when we're struggling and share with him when we need his help and pray over these things and keep them submitted to him.
Aaron: And also ask him to show us as David did. Search my heart, Oh, Lord, and see if there be any wicked way in me. Ask God to show us if there's anything in us that he wants changed. Any deceit, any falsehood.
Jennifer: A verse that has become very foundational in Aaron and I's marriage that I wanted to share with you today is proverbs 16:3. And it says, "Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established." I think it's a powerful verse and a good reminder that anything that we do, anything that we say yes or no to, we need to be committing these things to the Lord, we need to be submitting them to him and knowing that we're not alone and trusting him to guide us through them.
Aaron: And committing to the Lord doesn't mean, "Here's what I'm going to do, God. Now, bless it." It means, "Lord, here's my plan. What do you say?"
Jennifer: I was just going to say, what does using this verse look like? Or holding [inaudible 00:53:00] look like in our marriage? And it's exactly that. It's saying, "God, here's what we think we should do or desire to do. But we want you to align your heart with ours."
Aaron: We want to align our heart with yours.
Jennifer: Yes.
Aaron: No, but it's usually the other way around. We want your heart [inaudible 00:53:18] Psalm 37:5 says, "Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will act."
Jennifer: So he's acting.
Aaron: Yeah.
Jennifer: It's not just us going about our day acting and trying and doing. He's with us. And I think that's empowering.
Aaron: Well, that comes at the end of... I want to say one last little quote before we close out in prayer. And it goes to this idea of often we see, like, "Oh, I'll start my diet on Monday." Or "I'm going to start reading tomorrow." Or "I'm going to make this change next week." And so I always say, if change is always tomorrow, then it's never today. And so if we get in the practice of, "Oh, I'm going to make that change right now." Like, "I'm going to make that decision now. I'm not going to save it for another day. I'm not going to say it's more convenient tomorrow."
Aaron: All that means is we're not going to do because there's always another tomorrow. But there's never another today. And so we got to be men and women of our word. And let's ask the Lord to help us be that.
Jennifer: Yeah, and with it being the new year, and you guys probably have already made commitments. We just want to encourage you, guys and say carry on. We are cheering for you, we're here for you. And we love you guys. And we hope that you are women and men of your word.
Aaron: And don't be afraid to adjust your commitments if you need to, to make it more realistic. Because what we are is that you have lifelong maturity and growth and transformation, not a short-term, exciting, burst of transformation and then you go back to your old ways. All of us, we want to be men and women who are growing and maturing and becoming more and more like what God's called us to be. And that's this lifelong sanctification process. So don't be discouraged if you can't hit that awesome resolution that you made. Let's set [crosstalk 00:55:12]
Jennifer: Attainable goals.
Aaron: Set attainable goals in your life and ask God to transform you.
Jennifer: All right at the end of every episode, we pray together, so we just want to ask that you would join us in prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for another new year. Thank you for today. We honor you, Lord, and we praise you for you are good and your love is everlasting. We submit this new year to you, we pray your will would be done in our lives and through us. We pray your will is done in our marriages and through our marriages. We lay our lives down, our hopes, goals, and desires and we ask that you, Lord, would align our hearts to yours. That everything we planned for and say yes or no to would be for your glory and not our own. Help us to be people of our word to stick to our commitments, especially when it feels hard. Remind us daily of the importance of being trustworthy and our impact for your gospel. In Jesus name, amen.
Aaron: Amen. Hey, thanks so much for listening to the first episode of the year. We want to invite you to leave us a review if you have not done so, those reviews help other people find the podcast, they bless us. And they're incredibly encouraging. So please leave us a star rating and a review today. And it'd bless us. Also, don't forget to join the prayer challenge for free. It's marriageprayerchallenge.com and you can do that anytime. See you next week.
Aaron: Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 02 Mar 2020 | The Power Of Touch In Marriage | 00:50:50 | |
Physical touch is such a powerful and amazing gift from God. He designed us for it. We need it. And it is physically, spiritual and emotionally damaging when we avoid it or do not get enough of it. In this episode, we discuss why Physical touch is so important and we give some practical tips on how to touch and be touched more.
Being married and living in that sacred space of physical closeness, embrace, touch...there is no other relationship like it on Earth. Make the time to send those messages of love to your spouse through touch.
READ TRASCRIPT [Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, with "Marriage After God."
[Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
[Aaron] And today we're gonna talk about "The Power Of Touch In Marriage." Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after.
[Jennifer] I'm Jennifer also known as unveiled wife.
[Aaron] And I'm Aaron also known as husband revolution.
[Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade.
[Aaron] And so far we have four young children.
[Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media.
[Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day.
[Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one full of life.
Love.
And power.
[Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God.
[Jennifer] Together.
[Aaron] Thank you for joining us on this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together.
[Jennifer] This is "Marriage after God." Well, welcome back, everyone. Thanks for joining us on this episode of Marriage after God, we're super excited to have you. You're looking at me funny Aaron, why are you looking at me funny?
[Aaron] I was wondering if everyone knows that you're still pregnant. Or if they're waiting to hear about the baby 'cause I don' know if everyone knows the exact
I'm still pregnant?
[Aaron] March 20th is the due date?
[Jennifer] Creeping up on us.
[Aaron] More like, almost there. Also soon along with the baby coming, we have the end of our season coming. Season three of the "Marriage After God" podcast.
[Jennifer] You're just prepping their hearts.
[Aaron] I'm prepping their little hearts.
[Jennifer] Will come back don't worry.
[Aaron] Yeah, we have this episode and I think three more episodes. To finish up this season.
[Jennifer] It's actually really great timing you guys. And it was intentional, because postpartum is the real deal. And so I need time.
[Aaron] We're gonna take a break during the postpartum season and then will come back.
Right before summer starts. We're super excited about that.
[Aaron] Which always want to take these breaks gives you enough time to go back to all the episodes you haven't listened to yet, or haven't fully listen to.
[Jennifer] Or relisten listened to your favorite one.
[Aaron] Or relisten to your favorite ones.
[Jennifer] I wanted to before we get into today's topic, I wanted to start off this episode with an encouragement of something that happened. But Aaron, when I mentioned that's what I wanted to share about, you're like, "No, let's just do the whole episode on that." I'm not gonna share it right now. That's what the whole episodes gonna be about. Enjoy it later.
[Aaron] Right, but what we can talk about is so everyone, we've talked about how we're going through what's it called? "My Family 24 Ways".
[Jennifer] "Our Family 24 Ways".
That's what's it is.
By Sally and Clay Clarkson.
[Aaron] It's a family devotional and it's 24 weeks long. We did it twice. The first time we did it. We did it in a quarter of the time because we just kind of took each day was a--
[Jennifer] Each day was a new way. And they come with these coloring pages. Those are really great kind of quick overview of what it was about and gave us time to wrap our heads around it and get familiar with the content. And that was super fun for the kids. We did that last summer and then kicking off the new kind of school year in September. We're like let's do the whole week. And we'll use the was it a devotional or resource? We'll use it the way that they wrote it--
[Aron] Which is every way is a five day--
Process.
Process, yes. Every day, there's another verse you're reading, another idea, there's another question, but it's all in the same family way. And we just finished that a couple of weeks ago.
There's a couple of weeks we didn't do because of travel or different things. But we just finished it and it was great. The kids loved it, we loved it.
[Aaron] Yeah, and we're bringing this up to just to kinda recap that we told you we were going through we gave it as an example to you all, on a great way to start doing a family bible time. It was a lot of fun was really easy. I had a lot of prompts for the parents to walk through it gives you the questions to ask. But Jennifer, what are we doing now? We finished our family 20 or 23rd, "Our 24 Family Ways".
[Jennifer] "Our 24 Family Ways".
[Aron] By Sally and Clay Clarkson. You should go pick that on Amazon. But when we're done with that and we love that. But what are we doing now?
[Jennifer] There was that question creeping up to the end of that resource that were like, Hey, keep in mind, what are what are we going to do next? And there's lots of different things that we could have chosen.
[Aaron] Now we've done before, where we just like read through some of the Bible, read just whole chapters.
[Jennifer] I proposed to Aaron, I said, "Why don't we focus "on some of the kind of major Bible stories?" Our kids are still pretty young, and they know a lot of the stories but just clarifying for them, what actually was taking place during those stories, and what are the details and so we'll take a whole week on one story. And what I didn't share with Aaron was, my heart behind it was and let's focus on how Christ is pictured in these stories, which I just thought would be a really cool perspective, but I didn't share that part with you for some reason. I just said the Bible story thing really short and brief. And so I started making a list of the different Bible stories and I put them up on our chalkboard and you love the idea, and that first day that we started out with creation and Adam and Eve. You're like, and guys, because you're like, basically laying out what they can expect from how Bible time is gonna change for us. And you told the kids, "so we're gonna dive into these Bible stories, "one story a week, but we're gonna see how Christ "is at the center of each one." And I love that you did that we are totally like on the same page without even having talked about it.
[Aaron] And it's been really good. Elliot's been loving them, because He loves learning about these stories. And also the questions and the digging in and how those correlations to Christ and Adam, or these stories that we all know of.
[Jennifer] Just in simple things like in Genesis when it says, "we're gonna make them in our image" and get the kids to really like, focusing on what that one is.
Like who is the hour. Who is us, who's talking here about Adam and Ellie is like, "Oh, it's God and Jesus in the spirit."
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] He got the idea in the beginning. And just an encouragement for those that are listening. You're probably thinking like, okay, like all of our kids know these stories, but you're actually surprised at the stories that you kind of know because you grew up in Sunday school, or how if they don't ever get brought up, your kids aren't gonna know them. They're not gonna know the story of Noah's Ark. They're not gonna know the story of Jonah and the whale. They're not gonna know the story of Joseph and Abraham and Isaac and Adam and Eve and creation. We have to do that. We have to teach our children these stories, and not just stories, their history.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and my encouragement would be for our sake, as adults, going back to some of these stories have been encouraging because then we either see things we never saw before, or somehow it's relevant to something that we're going through that we can apply. That's just an encouragement.
[Aaron] It's just getting back into the Word of God always and remembering these powerful, testimonies that God's given us of who He is, His plan for redemption and His story for us. Awesome, before we get into the topic, as usual, we have a free thing for you. If you haven't taken the marriage prayer challenge yet, we dare you. Take the marriage prayer challenge. It's marriageprayerchallenge.com. It's a 31 day email series where you're gonna get emailed every day with, something to pray about, and a reminder to do that. So you're gonna be praying for your husband or your wife every day for the next 30 days, 31 days, and we just wanted to get you jumped in. It's almost 50,000 people who have now taken this challenge.
That's incredible.
Yeah. If you're not one of those 50,000 I just wanna encourage you to go right now and take a break from the podcast even go sign up marriageprayerchallenge.com, It'll take you like one minute, and then come back and finish the episode.
[Jennifer] Alright, so today's topic is on The Power Of Touch. And again, this is something that happened recently in our marriage that impacted me so much that I told him and I'm gonna share about that in the next podcast and he was like, "No, we're doing "the whole episode on this."
[Aaron] And you went, "we don't need to do a whole episode "it's just a little passing idea." I did I was like, "No, this is actually really important "'cause of how much value you got out of it."
[Jennifer] Yeah, so, and we understand that sometimes our episodes go quite long. And we're just gonna jump in, we're gonna dive in and give you the tips and tricks that you can do--
Up front.
Right now we're gonna just do them up front.
[Aaron] That way if you don't listen the whole episode, you're gonna walk away with the best tips for touch.
[Jennifer] Yeah, I like that.
[Aaron] What's the first tip they can get real quick.
[Jennifer] I mean, I'm just thinking like, when you're passing by each other in the kitchen, you both have these tasks on your mind that you're trying to get done. Just give a little, elbow to the gut and let that let that spouse know that you're there next to them working alongside side them.
[Aaron] It also might get them out of their way for a second. Another little tip is like when you guys are laying in bed and like just just right before your spouse is falling asleep, just to remind them that you're there and that you love them. Just giving them ,a wet finger to the ear. Or like a little like tap on their neck to like tickle them a little bit.
[Jennifer] Maybe a pinch.
[Aaron] Pinch. Those kinds of things that let your spouse know, "Hey, I know you're just we're almost falling asleep "but I love you."
I love me so much. One of my favorite ones is when you're like out on family excursion, and your spouse is wearing a backpack And you're kind of walking, a little bit behind them just give that backpack a little push to the left or right. And it really throws them off. But it reminds them, hey, I'm here with you.
[Aaron] It's almost like gets them to like flip around a little bit and then they could see you.
[Jennifer] The whole point of touch really is to interrupt what's going on. It's to interrupt the day and to say, I love you.
[Aaron] Everyone's thinking are they serious right now? We are totally playing.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] We're being playful. These are funny ways. Don't don't actually go by and especially if your wife's pregnant. Or go and hit the stomach.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
[Jennifer] No , we're just kidding.
[Aaron] No, we actually legitimately wanna talk about the power of real loving touch, and what it means and how it works and why God's given us this gift of touch and the benefit from what we've seen in our own life. Something that Jennifer's gonna talk about in a second, an experience that she had with me. And then we're just gonna talk about that and encourage you the listener, you husband and wife who are in your car or in bed or at home, walking around the house, whatever you're doing listening to this, to just remember to touch more. It should be obvious but it's not.
[Jennifer] I'd even say evaluate how long it's been since you've intentionally touched your spouse or what does that touch look like, either throughout the day or in the morning or at night, and just let the Lord inspire you today, when it comes to touching your spouse.
[Aaron] And this isn't just for those that one of their love languages is physical touch, because every human actually every organism in the world requires touch for that stimulus for healthy growth, especially for human beings. And we'll talk about that a little bit later. But so this isn't just for those that the love language's physical touch. Every single one of us need to focus on this and if it's not your natural tendency to do so then we just gotta work a little harder.
[Jennifer] Yep, okay, so this is what happened. I was having an off day. I felt rundown, I felt tired.
[Aaron] Super pregnant.
[Jennifer] I mean, just physically I just was not doing well. And yeah, just super pregnant. And I mean, everyone listening right now you're just thinking about that off day you've had and you're like, "Okay, I can relate to that." But I felt overwhelmed. And I was getting ready to jump in to school time with the kids. And I just had already felt exhausted. And so I was--
[Aaron] It was like the morning we hadn't even gotten our routine going.
[Jennifer] Nothing had started yet. And I was already feeling down. And I didn't say anything about it. I just was trying to do what I knew I had to do, right that saying, "Do the next right thing." And so I'm in there with the kids. And Aaron, usually your routine is, after Bible time you get a cup of coffee and got out to the garage, that's were you work. But you didn't do that. You came in, you came straight to me your like Beeline right for me.
[Aaron] Which is not normal for me.
[Jennifer] No, usually there's just this space where you like maybe even question like, "Hey, how are you?" "What's going on?" You didn't do any of that. You just opened the door, walked over to me had me stand up. And you just wrap your arms around me and you just held me and I was like in tears over it because I didn't realize that I even needed that in that moment. And even though I felt like sobbing in that moment, I think I might have even chuckled 'cause it was like so refreshing, it was like that. Oh, okay that I think--
[Aaron] Also like, why are you doing this?
[Jennifer] Definitely questioning that. But it was such a beautiful moment. And such a beautiful experience. I had to share it. And I wanted to share it with you guys, because it really impacted me and nothing needed to be said. Nothing needed to be more than that. It was just "hey," like there was so much said in the action itself of, "I'm here for you. "I love you, you can do this." And I remember at I had climbed up on the desk. And he was just staring at us probably wondering like, what are they doing? He's still literally a year and a half.
[Aaron] And all that PDA is going on. And he's like, What's happening here?
[Jennifer] But it really made me feel so good to be embraced. And I just I loved that moment. I love that you had a heart that was soft enough to know what I needed and to not let anything distract you from comforting me in that way.
[Aaron] Well, and I'll all admit to everyone listening. I'm sure other men are much better at this. There's some people that are just naturally prone to like oh, like gentleness and comforting and recognizing weaknesses and others and wanting to go love on them. But that is not my natural position. I'm not naturally gentle, I'm not naturally sensitive.
[Jennifer] I would say that you're more so you'd like to communicate about it. Like tell me what the problem is. And this is how--
How can I fix it.
This is how I can fix it. which I think a lot of people probably think that way.
[Aaron] And then on the negative side, I was in my worst way of dealing with this is feeling inconvenienced by someone else's weakness feeling inconvenienced by you're feeling down or because all I'm thinking is like we have this routine. You just got to move forward. And what's happening right now is like stop halting all that and that's my I would say that's my natural position. But you have been praying for me for a long time for this. Others have been encouraging me and rebuking me at times about my lack of sensitivity, my lack of gentleness. And it's something that I've been praying for myself. Because I'm a dad, I'm a husband, a leader in my church. And it's important in every aspect. I just been praying that God would help me be that way. This is not uncommon event, but that morning, I just felt like, Oh, she probably just needs a hug.
[Jennifer] And it was perfect. And I just feel like I have to say this, logistically I know that this can't happen like this in every marriage. Schedules are different.
Soldiers that are gone, for a long time
People are deployed. Yeah, there's a lot of different types of scenarios or situations where in marriage where maybe you can't comfort them in that way with the power of touch, but it can be done still in a phone call or a text message or any opportunity where you are together, right?
[Aaron] I would say, yeah, the physical touch is still important. I would say more important in those very little amounts of time that you would have. If anything, I would just, the encouragement for some one who's not around their spouse often, should make sure they take that focus more seriously. I got a question for you. I again, this is a new year--
[Jennifer] For me or for them?
[Aaron] For you, Jennifer. It's not normal. But in that moment I came in and I surprised you by doing something out of the ordinary. And just holding you not trying to give you solutions not trying to ask you questions. Not feeling annoyed by the inconvenience. I just genuinely came to hug you and hold you and love you. What message is this into your heart?
[Jennifer] It was really powerful for me. I felt like in that moment, there was this. Just first of all rush of peace. I feel like you reminded me that I'm loved. That I am cared for, that I'm thought of, that I'm not alone. Even though I'm alone with the kids currently trying to do school. You we're reminding me in a physical way that you're there and you're supporting me and you're encouraging me. And that how I'm feeling physically in that moment yet sucks and it's hard, but that I can continue on and that I have to, basically. but it was immediate comfort.
[Aaron] It gave you something that you didn't have before?
[Jennifer] Reassurance.
[Aaron] How did it make you feel toward me? Was there like anything you thought, Or like, "wow, like this about my husband?"
[Jennifer] Well specifically just that we are on the same team that you're there for me even when you can't take over for me like you just couldn't take over and do school that day, like you had work to do you needed to go get to it. But that you were supporting me in a comforting and encouraging way by letting your presence be known. And just that embrace. Did it make you, 'cause you've seen plenty of times in the past my annoyance, my dissatisfaction with a scenario like this.
[Aaron] Did it make you feel more confident in my love for you to see the opposite of that?
[Jennifer] Oh, totally, it really affirmed me and to think that you stopped your routine. You stopped your day, you stopped what was habitual, of going out to go to work. For me that was super thoughtful. And it was an immediate affirmation of this man loves me and cares for me and wants me to be okay today. And it did that like my perspective, my attitude, everything kinda just shifted in a more positive direction. And I was able to get through that time with the kids in a much better way.
[Aaron] And I remember it drastically changed your perspective of the day--
As you see my countenance.
Your countenance, by the end of the day, like I feel like you were more accomplished. At the end of the day, like you at the house clean. You had the, like you felt like a winner. Everything was done that you probably were in the morning thinking none of this is getting done today.
[Jennifer] Yeah, and it feels so weird talking about it. Because in this way, 'cause I feel like we're sharing, like in depth, what the impact was, but it was such a small thing. It really was. It was it was such a small moment of physical touch that happened in our marriage. That really changed the whole day around.
Imagine what would happen if that was a more consistent event
Yeah, for both.
For both of us.
[Jennifer] I have a question for you.
[Aaron] Okay.
[Jennifer] Are there any standout moments of when I have randomly touched you or that have impacted you?
[Aaron] Yeah, when I saw this question I immediately was thinking about the times in the past where we're sitting somewhere, maybe in church or at a friend's house or just out in public. and you'll put your hand on my back and just start tickle rubbing my back or rub your fingers across my hair, or the back of my neck or those little things even if they're only for like a split second. It instantly makes me feel like wow, that felt really good. My wife touching me wanting to connect with me that way. It also gives me this boost of confidence because in public when you're around people, I don't know if other men feel this way. But there's a confidence boost of like, my wife, my woman loves me. And like is showing it, isn't afraid to show it is--
[Jennifer] It's basically like earlier you asked me, what message did it send to my heart what you did to me. This would be what message is a couple when they're showing physical touch and affection. What message is it sending to others?
[Aaron] Well in it, but the message to others sends a message to me, it makes me feel powerful, makes me feel respected. Like it's a little thing but like, my wife not being afraid to show affection to me in public means that she loves me that much that she's willing to show others that love publicly. And there's that there was a confidence boost in that. Other times, just like if we're laying in bed and you just, reach over to hold me or to play with my hair or to scratch my back like little things like that, that have been really like oh, immediately makes me feel really close to like, we're together. We're on the same page. Because what, when you're like, and everyone can relate to this. when there's like a fight or disagreement that there's conflict in the marriage. The last thing you want to do is touch. And so usually not touching is that is a common signal for distance for like we're not on the same page. That reaching across the bed, that reaching across the table, that reaching over to your spouse getting close drawing near. Is the symbol of unity. Is that proof of we're here together? I'm with you like your mine. And it's not obligated it's not like, "Hey, can you scratch my back? "Hey, I need a back massage? "Hey, can you rub my feet?" Which is not bad things to ask, but the unprompted, the desire, the actual desire, I'm going to reach out and put my hand on my spouse in a gentle way and for the purpose of touching them, knowing them and feeling their the warmth of their skin. It does a lot for that spiritual connection, that unifying nature of being one.
[Jennifer] So, when I was thinking about ways that I'm intentional with trying to be, physical with you. I wanted to share this. Just as a tip for anyone listening is for me, getting in the car is a trigger, because I know I can reach over and hold your hand. Whether you're driving or I'm driving One of one of our hands is free. And so for me, I know it's such a simple thing, but just reaching over and grabbing each other's hands for a couple seconds, even if it's not long lasting. Is just really good too.
[Aaron] Something that just another tip, another trigger when we're out to eat, I know I'll put my hand on your knee. When we're close together.
A date night.
[Aaron] Or we'll hold hands under the table. Things that keep us connected. And then another thing you're bringing up these trigger things to remind us of when we can touch and where. When we're in battle, because often we're both really hot. We don't cuddle too often because we get--
Temperature hot.
Yeah, we're temperature hot. but like it could be easy to just get in bed do you thing forget and then you're rolled over and no touchings happening, no connection. But reaching over and like playing with your hair, or putting my hand on your shoulder or holding hands with you.
I love all of that.
Even though we can't cuddle because we're too like temperature hot.
[Jennifer] More so during pregnancy.
[Aaron] But I'm just a hot sleeper, it's hard for me to just want to cuddle for hours. But that doesn't mean there's not ways that we can connect.
[Jennifer] And Would you say that there's any ways that I've failed in this area? I just wanna be honest with people.
[Aaron] That's a big question to ask.
[Jennifer] I know.
[Aaron] Well, of course we've both failed in this area. Because selfishness creeps in, and when we're selfish. And usually it plays out. On "oh, I'm not getting what I want, "I'm not getting what I deserve." So I'm not going to give, what they deserve what they want or what they think they deserve. until I get mine. And we do that to each other. And we have in the past, we gotten way better at it. I would say we're talking about just non sexual touch right now. I mean, sexual touch is so important. We're gonna talk about that in a little bit.
[Jennifer] I'm just on this side note. Any sort of physical touch will not just lead to sexual intimacy, but definitely cultivates that environment where you want more.
[Aaron] Not negative physical touch, we're talking about actual, intensional--
Positive.
Positive touch.
[Jennifer] Affirmative.
[Aaron] I would say just over the years, and it's something that God's been growing us both in is sexual touch, yeah, like initiating, reaching out and saying, "hey, I want to be with you, "I want to experience this time with you." But that's something that we've been both growing in.
[Jennifer] Something that is required in order to grow in this area is communication. This is just an encouragement to our listeners, if they struggle with, I wish my spouse would touch me and they're not, and not wanting that bitterness to grow, you gotta tell them, you gotta tell them how it makes you feel or that you want to be encouraged in your relationship that you want to have more. when you say that's really important to be able to talk about it.
[Aaron] Not just 'cause we sometimes get into this mode of, if I say something, then it's gonna devalue the reset receipt of it.
[Jennifer] I've done that before, don't do that.
[Aaron] If I tell my wife what I want, and then she doesn't, then it's devaluing it. It's almost like no, they just got to know. Rather than, like, I'm gonna communicate, maybe they don't know, maybe they have a way of thinking because of the way they're raised that just totally makes them disregard things that I want, or need.
[Jennifer] Or maybe their mind just hasn't been on it. And by bringing that message in a positive way, "Hey, I think we like we've done this before, "hey, I think we need to kiss more," or, "hey, I think we need to hold hands more" or whatever the thing is that would feel you fill you up. Talk about it in that sense, where it's like, let's both make a commitment to do this more.
[Aaron] I totally agree. And I think just having this desire to... We'll talk about the actual like, touch is just so much more than just it's a good thing to do. And so we'll talk about that more. The Bible talks about touch a lot. Jesus touched people a lot. And so we get this idea of the savior of the king, the Lord the Creator. come the earth himself, God Himself coming to earth in the form of man to touch us, right? There's a famous painting of God touching Adams finger right? There's this idea of Jesus coming to earth and in the flesh is like the ultimate intimacy active saying, God's saying "I'm gonna go, "come to touch you and and to heal you "and to make you be with me forever" and so we get to see this picture and Why don't you read John 13:5 of this super intimate moment that Jesus had with his disciples.
[Jennifer] Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. So that was, like really simple. And I just like you said, it's just a really beautiful picture of intimate touch.
[Aaron] Right, and it's this story shows us the servanthood of Christ. him girding his loins wrapping the towel around his waist, getting on his hands and knees.
[Jennifer] And everybody was probably quietly--
[Aaron] Beneath his disciples. He lowered himself even beneath his disciple to wash their feet. And then he tells them go and do likewise. Essentially which is go wash each other, go touch each other, go embrace each other, go walk in such a way that you guys are unified, and do and do what I'm doing. Look I'm lowering myself as a servant, go lower yourself as servants for the sake of washing each other and embracing each other.
[Jennifer] I wish that the Bible was more descriptive in this situation because I would love to hear what was going through the disciples mind when Jesus is getting ready to do this. And while he's doing it.
[Aaron] But we only get Peters response, which is he's like, "No, don't do it." He's like, "unless I do this, "you have no part of me." He's like wash my whole body.
Oh wait do it, do it. But also how were they impacted by this experience? I wanna hear more of that. But they walked with Jesus and I'm sure they had even more physical interactions with him as far as just arms touching or hugging or shaking hands or whatever, probably took part in their relationships as they spent that time together. But just thinking, how was this touch different? And what message did it send to each one of them about their relationship with Jesus?
[Aaron] What I think is awesome is, you have Jesus called our high priest, and this is just a thought I was having right now we're talking about this. And the high and the priests in the Old Testament had to do all the ceremonial washings for themselves so that they can atone for the sins of everyone else. They first had to wash themselves we learned that Jesus did not have to do this because he was perfect. We have perfect Jesus, already perfectly like did not need to be washed, by any means, because he was perfect. Getting down to actually touch the dirt of his brothers, of his disciples. And also how powerful it is because God's created us in such a physical way to need touch.
[Jennifer] Where he designed our bodies with the ability to receive it, right like we have nerve endings, and we can feel and I used to think that's fascinating.
[Aaron] We have this perfect God in human flesh touching other men's feet and touching the flesh of others. And so there's a physiological response happening, a spiritual response happening, an emotional response happening. All of these things are happening at the same time with the king of the universe. But we get to experience that in little ways, and in everyday life with our spouse, and with others. 'Cause this physical touch thing, we shouldn't just end at, "Oh, I'm not a very touchy person, "and I'll try and touch my wife more. "But I don't touch others." The Bible tells us to embrace each other and how important touches, just gentle, loving touch in everyday life actually has a physiological healthy response in the body. That helps us with many things, but spiritually, it reminds us that we're close. And that we're together and that we're unified and that we care,
[Jennifer] Which is so important in marriage, right?
Really important infinitely.
[Jennifer] Do you remember the time that I washed your feet when you came home from Brazil so we didn't have this, as pre-kids, probably--
My feet were pretty dirty.
[Jennifer] Second year of marriage. I wanna say, we're living in Florida at the time. And I had a job. I was working in a preschool and you felt encouraged to go to Brazil, we were missionaries. I just happen to have a job to support us while we were working in Florida. But we were working for an organization that was preparing a trip to go to Brazil, I think it was for two weeks, three weeks?
[Aaron] It's two weeks on the Amazon River it's pretty awesome.
[Jennifer] And so you went and I missed you like crazy. But I had been reading this Passage about Jesus washing his disciples feet. And I just felt so encouraged when you got home. I think it was like three o'clock in the morning. It was like the middle of the sleep hours. And, and I remember you came home and you went to go take a shower, and I'm like, take a bath. And let me wash your feet.
Yeah.
Do you remember this?
I do, I mean, two years in our marriage where we were already starting to experience some of those--
Hardships.
hardships. and relational struggles and it wasn't as bad as it was later on in our marriage, but it was already there, but it was events like this, which I think helped elongate our process of not falling apart sooner. Those little bits of surrender that those acts of like, well, "we don't know what to do. "We're gonna try this like," you're praying and you see this, you're like, "I'm gonna try and walk in this." You tell God, "Jesus says to do this, "and I'm my husband's gonna get home, "I'm gonna wash his feet."
[Jennifer] When I remember specifically thinking like, I wanted to feel close to you. I wanted to send that message to you that, "hey, I'm your wife, I'm your helper, "and I want to do what Jesus did and love you in that way." And I saw this what Jesus did as a very intimate thing. And so I just told myself, I'm gonna have the courage and just asked him if I could wash his feet.
[Aaron] And I remember it made me feel really close to you. It made me feel really loved, it made me feel really honored. Also, it just surprised me. It was a surprising It was like wait, what? It was a very impactful moment for us. we actually put that challenge in our 30 day devotional for husbands and wives, for them to wash each other's feet.
[Jennifer] While we're talking about Jesus, my mind's always, I feel like I'm always going back to "Marriage After God". But if you haven't gotten a chance to read it, you guys should definitely get a copy. It's the book that Aaron and I came out with last year. But there's a section of we're talking about how a marriage after God is intimate. And it talks about Jesus and I just wanted to read it really quick. It's on page 65. If you do have the book. "And marriage after God relentlessly "pursues and embraces intimacy "with each other, and with God, "our greatest example of this level "of intimacy is of course, Jesus. "He put his hands on people "who no one else would dare to touch." And there's a reference there to Luke 5:13, "He reached down and held a dying little girl's hand "giving her life again." Mark 5:41, "He broke cultural taboos to talk to people." John 4:9, "And he wept over the death of his close friend." John 11:35, "That's our Savior, he embraced intimacy. "If we are not intimate with God, "we cannot be intimate with other people. "We cannot weep with those who weep or mourn with those "who mourn or laugh with those who laugh. "We must look to the example of Christ and be willing "to embrace intimacy with God, and inner marriage." And I was just brought to remembrance of that section of the book because of how intimate Jesus was that he was willing to do all those things when I think about him, holding that little girl's hand and it's like, no matter what hardships we face in marriage, we can think to his example and go, "I can reach over and hold my spouse's hand."
[Aaron] Well I think the example of Christ touching like the lepers and the sick and the bleeding and the things that a priest wasn't allowed to touch otherwise would make them unclean. Jesus was willing to touch unclean people, because in reality all are unclean. And so he's, he's touching these lepers. He's touching these these sick, he's touching these blind, these people that were outcasts that desire to be healed, to be desire to be known to desire to be reconciled to the community. And it's kind of like this picture in our marriage. Like, are we only going to touch when everything's perfectly right? Or are we going to in the midst of our pain and our hurt and our ugly, our smelly and in our dirty times? Are we gonna touch? Are we gonna embrace? Are we gonna hold? Are we going to reach out our hands and draw our spouse closer to us? Because even though often in our vows, we say, for better or for worse, it's often just for the better, and when it's in the worst is like, I don't have the energy right now. All right, until you change or unless this happens when it's those times that it's the most necessary. Jesus said it this way, he said, "I didn't come "for the healthy I came for the sick."
[Jennifer] And I would even say most impactful, when you're either at odds with each other or there's tension or there's hardship
[Aaron] Or you don't deserve it.
[Jennifer] Or you don't deserve it and your spouse reaches across the table and touches you in that way. Oh my goodness. It's powerful. It's impactful. And I think that that's exactly what maybe one, maybe a lot needed here today. I mean, I just feel like that was really encouraging and even to me.
[Aaron] It's encouraging to me, it's something I have to continue to be to remember. You're, you're having a hard time today. And my flesh is like--
[Jennifer] Get up, Jen.
[Aaron] It's like, I don't know if I can handle you having a hard time again today. Because I mean, which is totally my selfish flesh, because I'm not experiencing what you're experiencing. So it's hard for me to just empathize right away. But when you walk in the Spirit, so my choice to be like, like, I'm gonna understand my wife right now I'm gonna walk in an understanding way as the Word tells me to do. I can realize this is hard season for you, I'm gonna have this hard season with you. And so just go and hug you and hold you and--
[Jennifer] Tickle me with your beard, which didn't help Aaron.
[Aaron] Funny, touching is good to be playful.
[Jennifer] It was really sweet. And again, I do appreciate that you came to my level and you saw me were I was at and you had compassion on me. And for the husband's out there who are similar to me, go against your flesh, and walk in the Spirit and and do this for your wife. To be honest some of you men that are listening, are probably thinking like, "Man, I don't ever do that." She'll probably not know what to do. You'll go and you'll try and like draw close to you, and you're gonna feel super awkward and she's gonna tense up and you're gonna pull her closer and you're just gonna say, "I know, it's kind of weird, I just wanna hug you." And then what's gonna happen, she's gonna realize it's real. And then you'll, you'll probably feel her melt. And so don't be afraid to do it the first time, it gets easier, and ask the Lord to help you do it to sort of help you physically encourage your spouse with that physical touch with the gentle the loving, the caring, the caress, the just that softness.
[Jennifer] It's good. So we've said it a couple times, but just this idea that physical, physical touch sends a message to your spouse and there was just a kind of handful of ways that I was wanting to share with you guys about what those messages might look like. This isn't like, 100% perfect. It's just some encouragement.
[Aaron] When you do this kind of sends these messages.
[Jennifer] Embracing each other says, "I trust you and I need you in my life." A comforting hug says, "I'm here for you." A kiss says, "you're mine and I love you." Holding hands, let your spouse know, you like them. And you like spending time with them. Tickle rubs, massages, running your fingers through their hair says, I wanna make you feel good. And most times lets them know that you desire even more physical touch.
[Aaron] It's true, and for those that are afraid of that last part, if I do this, then it's going to make them want more. I think that's something that should be prayed through. Your heart of like, you're avoiding touching your spouse because you are afraid that that will make them want more from you sexually. And if that's a fear you have and that's an negative thought you have which is something that keeps you from reaching out and touching your spouse. I think that's something you should pray about, that God would change in you. And there's a scripture specifically about this.
[Jennifer] Real quick, I just have to say, there's a flip side to this of when your spouse is giving you physical touch, and you don't want it to lead anywhere that you're not just doing while they're touching you thinking they better not they better not. And then the moment it starts leading somewhere that you don't want it to go. You're thinking, "See, I knew they were just doing it "to get that thing." But, you guys God designed marriage to be physical, and--
[Aaron] It's the pretty much the only confines for Biblical healthy physical touch.
[Jennifer] Yeah, like we need to be there for each other in that way. Now, if there's a specific reason why you don't want it to be led somewhere, you got to speak up, you got to let them know. Otherwise, your heart's just going to wrestle.
[Aaron] And there's a loving way. It's like, "Hey, I'm really enjoying, "you reaching out you touching me playing with my hair, "you rubbing my back, I know, "you might want something more. "And I just wanna let you know that It may not work. "And so can we plan it for tomorrow night? "Can we can I reach out? "Can I let you know tomorrow?"
[Jennifer] Yeah, or the other way is to set aside whatever justification you're rolling around in your head and go for it and enjoy it.
[Aaron] Oftentimes, you get to the end of it, you're like, "Oh, I'm glad we did that part."
"Oh, I needed that."
Exactly.
[Jennifer] Okay, so why don't you read that? It's 1st Corinthians 7:3-5.
[Aaron] And this is this is a scripture that challenges both husbands and wives. On the actual obligation, we have to physical intimacy. It says this, "The husband should give to his wife, "her conjugal rights," and we all know what conjugal means. "And likewise, the wife to her husband, "for the wife does not have authority over her own body, "but the husband does. "Likewise, the husband does not have authority "over his own body, but the wife does. "Do not deprive one another except perhaps "by agreement for a limited time." I like how first of all says it says, "except perhaps." So it means like, if this is going to happen in the rare occasions of depriving each other, it's going to be by agreement and only for a short period of time. Like don't let there be long periods of time that this stuff happens. That's what almost destroyed marriage. Was long periods of time of not--
Me avoiding--
Yeah.
[Jennifer] Yeah.
[Aaron] That you may devote yourselves to prayer but then come together again so satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control. There's a very stark warning of the temptation that comes from avoiding each other sexually. And there's also at the command that my body is not my own. It's hers and her body is not her own, it's mine, right? Which has tons of implications and we can have another episode about this. But just just as an encouragement, you shouldn't be withholding sexual intimacy from your spouse. If there's a good reason then you need to discuss that and come to an agreement on it. If there's infidelity, which is a good reason to have a break from sexual intimacy.
[Jennifer] Not just a break, it's a break being prayerful.
[Aaron] It's a prayerful break from purpose of reconciliation, for the purpose of building trust, for the purpose of coming together against stronger than before, if that's where you're at. And so there's there's a stark command on the Word of God that whose bodies ours, are my bodies is not my own, I don't get to just make decisions for my own body. I have my responsibility to my wife, and vice versa.
[Jennifer] And we shouldn't be using, sexual intimacy as a tool and withhold it from each other or anything like that. We can't, we can't let division and disunity and that kind of heart to seep into the marriage relationship which is so beautiful, the way that God designed, being married and living in this sacred space of like there's no other relationship like it on Earth. I receive from you, Aaron you receive from me. There's physical closeness, embrace touched, like there really is nothing like it on Earth and to be aware of that and the opportunities that we do have to come together. And again, this is just another place where I wanna assert that if distance or timing doesn't work because of work schedules or something, that is key be circumstances that are keeping you guys from being physically close, that you're affirming one another with your words, words are really powerful. And as much as this whole episode is about touch, you need to be affirming to each other and encouraging each other. Like, "we can't be together right now. "But I'm gonna make this a priority as soon as I see you." Right?
[Aaron] Yep, and I want to talk about some of the way God designed us. And created us to for touch for that human connection. Not just verbal, but actual physical. And there's a story that we've been told from friends of ours that have adopted in China. And they went to China, and they walked into the orphanage, and it was silent.
[Jennifer] There's babies.
[Aaron] There's babies everywhere, but it's silent, no, no crying no. Like you would imagine in a room full of lonely babies.
[Jennifer] They said it felt eerie.
[Aaron] It was what's wrong. And this has actually been researched by a lot of people. There's several orphanage systems around the world that this is kind of a case where the babies aren't touched. They're not held on a hug. They're not cuddled, none of that stuff. And the babies very quickly learn that they're not going to be comforted. So they don't cry. They need it, they want to be comforted, but the only way they can communicate does nothing so they don't communicate. And it actually stunts their their neurological growth, it stunts their physical growth, it stunts a lot of things in them just because they're not being touched. I remember hearing a story a while ago, of an old man who's single, his wife died years prior, and he wanted to find something to do with his life. And so he started going to the NICU in his local hospital, just to hold the babies. He would go in there and he'd sit in a rocking chair and he'd hold babies that didn't have families, or that they were sick or whatever it was and he would just hold them for hours. Rock them sing to them talk to them. And he had this ministry of going and just holding babies which is amazing. When he gets to heaven one day, God's gonna hug him for doing that. Human touch is fundamental to our communication, to our bonding, to our physical health. There's been tons of research on how physical touch on even little mounts of levels. It brings healing to your body physical healing, like it helps you with your immune system helps you with your neurological development. What human touch does is there's a chemical that God's put in our bodies called oxytocin. And it's released during sex. It's released during hugs,
[Jennifer] It's actually released during breastfeeding while a mom is bonding with her baby.
[Aaron] Yeah, it's called the bonding drug. When you have an orgasm and during sex, and oxytocin is released in both of your bodies. It actually causes you to physically, emotionally, mentally bond closer with your spouse, which is also why it's prohibited to be having sexual relationships outside of your marriage. Because you're bonding in this way with other human beings that you're not married to. And this is this should be only happening within the context of marriage. But that oxytocin release that hormone is actually so good for so many things. It relieves stress. It combats what's the stress hormone, it's cortisol. It combats that. So you have too much of that in your body and you have all this stress and oxytocin being released through a hug, through a kiss, through an orgasm through that these things that are that release oxytocin in your body, and then boom, you're actually helping your body do what God made your body to do. Which makes it even stronger, healthier, more excited, more fit, less sad, right? It helps with depression, it helps all these things. And these are all just the just the biological function of touch in your in your life why it's so important. So again, like I said in the beginning, regardless, if you're love language's physical touch, every human being on the planet needs physical touch for healthy growth, healthy living. You could have access to this on a daily basis with your spouse. Think about how much more joyful, and secure, and confident and happy you'll be if physical touch's more consistent like healthy, loving, gentle physical touch. A caress here, a hand holding there, a kiss, a hug, caressing the neck, touching the ear, playing with the hair. All these things, that are so good for us and make you have to be so close. And it releases all these good things in your body. And it actually it's a spiritual thing. It's an emotional thing, it's a physical thing.
[Jennifer] That's really good. So often, I think that as humans, we become contingent on the other person in the marriage to step up and do something--
[Aaron] Transactional.
[Jennifer] And I think it's important to speak to that for just a moment Aaron, and maybe you can share on this but Just as an encouragement to those listening. That we shouldn't be waiting to initiate, waiting to insert ourselves and be physical, for our spouse to do it first or to take that first step or especially if there has been distance or time between, a season of no physical touch. What would you say to encourage them?
[Aaron] Well, I first want to talk to those that, like, maybe I'm imagining a husband has a hard heart. There's something, wherever they are in their marriage. And like I said, we talked about earlier touch is the last thing they want. And I would imagine a wife is afraid to like to reach out and hold their hand because they're gonna pull away and reject them.
[Jennifer] Or maybe the couple who they have tried to openly Express and communicate that they want more or that there's they're hurt because it's not happening and then they get shut down. And so that kind of like what you're saying about the baby's crying, not crying in the orphanages. They've learned to not speak up and to not say anything.
[Aaron] 'Cause they're not gonna get it.
[Jennifer] That makes me sad just thinking about that in marriage.
[Aaron] So my encouragement to those is to do it anyway. Even if even if they reject you, even if you, you lean over and you go to caress your wife's neck and she swats your hand away, or you reach over to put your hand on your husband's shoulder, and he shrugs it off. It hurts. I'm not gonna pretend that that doesn't hurt, I'm not gonna tell you to pretend it doesn't hurt. But you can hand that to the Lord and say, "Lord, that hurts me. "But I want to love my husband, "I want to love my wife." And, and maybe it's the next time you're walking by them, to the kitchen you just for half a second, rub your hand across their back. They can't stop you. Whether they say a word to you, they're gonna think like, she touched me.
[Jennifer] You're sending them a message still.
[Aaron] You're sending them a message still. And you do that over and over, and over again. They they look frustrated. You go up and you get close and say, "Hey, I'm praying for you." Just put your hand on their shoulder. They look sad. So you say, "can I give you a hug?" Even if they say no to you, do it. Reach out to touch someone like the song goes, "I reach out" and go to your spouse and just don't give up. Don't give up doing good for in due season you will produce a harvest, you will reap a reward. And I mean think about it's like what Christ did. He reached out and touched a lot of people. And so be Christ in your home to your spouse, reach out and touch them, pray for them. Put your hand on them. Try and grab their hand, touch their lower back, put your hand on their shoulder, put your hand on their forearm. Whatever it is, just let them know that you want to touch them.
[Jennifer] Yeah, that's beautiful. We hope that this episode encouraged you guys. And this really brought you to a place where you're evaluating physical touch in your marriage. And I would say our charge to you would be an encouragement to be the initiator. I know we already mentioned that but to be the initiator of physical interaction, in your relationship with your spouse. And don't let your flesh, your insecurities, or your frustrations get in the way. Be courageous enough to reach out and see how that touch impacts your spouse.
[Aaron] And ask Christ to give you the strength and the courage to do it in a supernatural way with your spouse.
[Jennifer] All right, Aaron, you wanna close us out with prayer?
[Aaron] Yep. Dear Lord, we praise you for the gift of touch. We thank you for the way you created our bodies and gave us the ability to fill and touch. We pray that we would be husbands and wives who use the power of touch to affirm each other in marriage and let one another know we are near. We pray we would have the courage to reach out and hug or hold each other's hand. Even when it feels hard to do that or inconvenient. May our marriage be a priority in this way. May our touch remind our spouse that we love them and that we support them. We pray touch with encourage intimacy and closeness like we have never experienced in our marriage before. In Jesus name, amen. We love you guys. We thank for listening to episode, we pray that you would touch more and that if you haven't already would you just take a moment, leave us a review. Just scroll down to the bottom of your app, hit a star rating that the easiest way to do it, you just tap a star. Or you can leave us a text review. We love those and also blesses other people when they're coming to check out the show for the first time. It also lets iTunes and other podcast apps know how to rank our podcast based off her reviews. So we love you all. We thank you and we pray that God moves mightily in your marriages and draws you closer to him and your spouse and see you next week.
[Narrator] Did you enjoy today's show? If you did, it would mean the world to us if you could leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you're interested, you can find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage.
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| 28 Nov 2018 | Spiritual Stamina and prayer | 00:37:19 | |
Join us as we discuss how God has been showing us His desire for us to grow in our spiritual stamina in our prayer life. Prayer should be a normal occurrence in the believer's life and it has been a foundational element of our marriage over the years but lately, we have been feeling that God is desiring us to pray more. In order to grow our stamina, which is the ability to handle more, in our spiritual life is by doing it more. -- -- SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS READ[Aaron] Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage after God.[Jennifer] Helping you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. [Aaron] And today we're gonna talk about Spiritual Stamina and Prayer. Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast, where we believe that marriage was meant for more than just happily ever after. [Jennifer] I'm Jennifer, also known as Unveiled Wife. [Aaron] And I'm Aaron, also known as Husband Revolution. [Jennifer] We have been married for over a decade. [Aaron] And so far, we have four young children. [Jennifer] We have been doing marriage ministry online for over seven years through blogging and social media. [Aaron] With the desire to inspire couples to keep God at the center of their marriage, encouraging them to walk in faith every day. [Jennifer] We believe the Christian marriage should be an extraordinary one, full of life, Love, [Jennifer] And power. [Aaron] That can only be found by chasing after God. [Jennifer] Together. [Aaron] Thank you for joining us in this journey as we chase boldly after God's will for our life together. [Jennifer] This is Marriage After God. [Aaron] Okay, before we get started on this week's episode, I just wanna invite any of you that have been subscribed to our channel and enjoying this content, if you would just take a moment and leave us a star rating and a review. If you don't have time for a text review, you can just leave a star rating also, but when those reviews get left, they actually help our podcast get seen by a lot more people so we'd really appreciate it, if you have a moment to leave a review, that would be awesome. [Jennifer] Also, Aaron and I would like to invite you to support this podcast by shopping through our store. So if you go to marriageaftergod.com/challenge, you can check out our resources on prayer and take the 31 day challenge, pray with your spouse through those resources and that, shopping through our store helps support this podcast. [Aaron] So let's just get into the content now. You know, we're gonna be talking about spiritual stamina, which is a term that I brought up this last Sunday and we'll talk about where it came from but I believe it's something that God's walking us through right now. There's several things that we're gonna talk about today that were brought up recently, over the last few days, and we're just thinking, "Man, we should talk about this." [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] For this week's podcast. [Jennifer] Yeah, I feel like it's a necessary message, not just for our hearts and the things that we're walking through but hopefully it'll inspire everyone listening. [Aaron] Yeah, and then our heart for this podcast is always to inspire and encourage marriages out there who love God and who wanna know His will for their life and marriage to move forward and that's what He's doing with us, it's our journey, it's their journey, but this word 'stamina', it's something that I think about often when it comes to my workout in the mornings at the gym, which this morning's was super hard and I had almost no stamina. I could not keep going, I almost quit halfway through the workout. [Jennifer] I've been there before, pretty much any workout I've ever done. [Aaron] And the idea is that we, as we work out, or as we exercise or we build muscle, our muscle in our body and our system gets better at doing that and it means we can handle more. And this week, on Sunday at church actually, I was thinking about it. Actually church service was awesome, I walked away feeling so blessed and that just, the Lord was speaking to our hearts, but a thought I had was, "Man, I wonder if we could handle more as a church body?" [Jennifer] Like go longer? [Aaron] Yeah, go longer. Like, it was actually a really good service and several people spoke and talked and we sang a lot of awesome worship songs and just, it was a really good morning. There was tons of prayer, but then I just had this thought of I wonder if we could handle more. Could we go longer, or is it, we just cap it a certain amount or time and this was, I don't believe anyone was, I actually didn't tell anyone this, there was no problem, it was just, I was just thinking, like, I wonder what it would take if we could do more, if God wanted us to go further, if we could, would we be okay with that. Have you ever thought about that before, Babe? [Jennifer] When I think of stamina, I think of my time spent with the kids and kind of just doing our daily routine and the kind of stamina that a parent needs, to be able to do that, to last the whole day. That's a good illustration. Fulfilling their needs and being their encouragement and their comfort and just be that person in their life to guide them and it requires a lot, and so when I think of the word 'stamina', that's what I think of. [Aaron] Well, that's a good illustration, actually. So your stamina from one child to your stamina to two children-- [Jennifer] It grows exponentially. I feel like each time, every time we have another child, I do feel like, kind of like you were talking about, growing and as you exercise and building that muscle, I feel like I'm building that muscle as a parent. [Aaron] Right, in every aspect, not just playing with our kids but in discipline-- [Jennifer] And teaching. [Aaron] In teaching, discipleship, all these areas. So another area that stamina came up was in prayer, recently, and we're gonna talk about that and actually at the end of this episode, are we gonna pray for the marriages that listen? [Jennifer] Yeah, when we were talking about what we would share today, I've actually been asking you for a couple weeks now, hey, we need to an episode just on praying and pray for the couples who are listening because we know how powerful prayer is and our heart is to pray for you guys, and so we thought we could just enter into a time of praying and I'm really excited to do that today. [Aaron] Yeah, and we'll do that towards the end so stay tuned. I did a live video today on Instagram and got people's prayer requests so we're gonna go through some of those, Babe. Oh awesome. [Aaron] But we're just gonna pray generally for marriages who listen to this, marriages and the church and so that's gonna be awesome, but prayer was a part of the spiritual stamina we were talking about. Jennifer and I have made prayer a main theme in our marriage since the beginning. It's been a main theme in our ministry online, it's been probably the most popular books that we've had, is our prayer books. [Jennifer] And I would say that it's not because we're good at it, it's because God's constantly calling us to do it and I feel like that's been an area of our life that we constantly come back to and need to be reminded of and so I think that's why it's such a big part of our ministry online, is because we know that if it's hard for us, it's probably hard for other people. So, just wanted to-- And I feel like recently-- Share that. [Aaron] We've talked about this a bit, Babe, is that God's actually asking us for more. It feels like He's saying, "Hey, I want you to pray more." That there's more to be prayed about, that I want more energy put into prayer and so that goes back to the stamina of well, what can we handle? And you actually, you just asked God recently, you said, "Okay Lord, what's next?" And I feel like what's next in our life is more prayer, more of the word of God, more spiritual growth, more fellowship, all of these things that God, that we experience God in and how we know Him and I think that's what He's calling us to. [Jennifer] So, real quick, you had mentioned that on Sunday specifically, you were kind of wrestling with the question, can we handle more, and I know that the night before, you had started a new book and so do you wanna share a little bit from that? [Aaron] Yeah, so not only was this idea on Sunday of like, can we handle more? Can we pray more? Can we read more? What could our church handle? Could our spiritual stamina be built and grow as a church as a whole but also as individuals in our marriage and then the conversation continued and then that night, I read this book at night. It's by Francis Chan, it's called Letters to the Church, I just got it and he talks about prayer in it and it was pretty powerful, I just wanna read a little bit of what he said. This is on page 67 and he's talking about prayer and the church and he says, "Years ago, my friend from India "drove me to a speaking engagement in Dallas. "When he heard the music and saw the lights, "he said, 'You Americans are funny. "'You won't show up unless "'there's a good speaker or a band. "'In India, people get excited just to pray.' "He proceeded to tell how "believers back home loved communion, "and how they flocked to simple prayer gatherings." First of all, this story itself shocked me and I was like, oh! Like, I've never thought of that and do we do that? Would we flock to a prayer meeting? Do we crave prayer? The Bible is just so adamant about prayer, God's so adamant about our prayer life. Jesus dying on the cross tore the veil from top to bottom so that we can actually have direct line of contact with the Father Himself. That we no longer need an earthly priest, we have a high priest, Jesus Himself, who intercedes for us and gives us direct access. [Jennifer] Which is incredible, do we take advantage of that? Yeah. We should be. [Aaron] And I think this started a really long conversation, actually, right before bed, but later on in the chapter he says, "It is His desire for all His children "to experience the fullness of Him through the church "and has given us His word to show us how. "Let's dream of trembling believers on their knees, "speechless because they grabbed the weight "of speaking to Yahweh. "Let's picture small groups and large crowds "coming with eager expectation just to pray. "This is possible." And so, this book, I'm really liking the book. There's a few things that I've wrestled with but this prayer stuff, we talked for probably an hour, just about our spiritual stamina, our prayer. Like, are we even giving prayer the time of day that it deserves in our life? So, Babe, when I read that, because I read it out loud to us in bed, and just how he was dreaming of believers on their knees praying and speechless and eager expectation just to pray. How does that make you feel? [Jennifer] I think it draws out of my heart just this eagerness to do it more. Sometimes we have these emotions and feelings in our hearts and we can't even put words to them until you read someone else's writing and then it's like, "Oh, that's what it is." And I've been feeling this way for a while and I feel like that was, his words, like, just hearing you read them out loud, was like, "Yes, that's it." Like, we need more of that and earlier you had mentioned that we had been praying for what's next and that specifically came from when I had gotten away for a couple days for a women's retreat and there was 15 of us and we each took turns sitting in what we called the hot seat and it was just a chair in the middle of the room but each one of the women there basically just shared a prayer request and then we all prayed specifically for that woman-- One by one. One by one. Every single woman. It took us, like, three hours or so to get through and when it was my turn, I remember just thinking like, I feel ready for what God has for, for whatever's next for me and for us and so that's kind of where that came from and I'll tell you what, the experience of that prayer time was so powerful, not just in my life, but in all the women's lives there and it made me, when I got home, it made me think of how when you're gone at a retreat or you're gone at a conference, there's this spiritual high. That you walk away feeling like you're just so close to God and you really experienced something truly miraculous and what I felt like God was sharing with me about that specifically is that it was because we devoted time to Him. We sat for three and a half hours and prayed over each individual person, in prayer talking to God, like, petitioning for these prayer requests and then we expect in our daily life to just go through whatever we have, whatever requirements that we have on our day to day agendas and we think that we're gonna experience God the same way without going to our prayer closet, without being on our knees, without lifting up those requests to Him, without being thankful for things and just talking to Him and sharing our heart with Him, we expect the same spiritual high. [Aaron] Yeah, and God doesn't want us to have spiritual highs and lows, He wants us to be consistent with Him. What's funny is you said, so you planned that whole retreat and all the women just raved about it and you were telling me, though, you were like, "I planned all these great things "and they were all fun, like these games "and these conversations and they were great, "but the most powerful thing we did was the prayer." [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And it was that you said, "It felt miraculous, "it felt like we were in the presence of God "as women coming together for the purpose "of praying for each other," and as we talk about this, I feel like the thing we've been feeling is that we're missing something. Like you said, we expect to experience God in the same way in those dedicated, devoted times as we do in our every day life when we don't dedicate or devote time. And so, the stamina side of that is we need to devote time to practicing and walking in those things. You know, at bedtime. One thing that we've realized is we could be spending more time in prayer. Are we cultivating an environment where we get to bed early enough and even if not, early enough, and prayer is a priority at bedtime, together? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Praying for our kids, praying for our family members, praying for our church, and I feel like that's where the stamina comes from, is the devotion and the time that we set aside for it. [Jennifer] And I feel like, as we practice it and we stretch that spiritual muscle, we'll get even better at it. [Aaron] And that's the goal, right? That we get better which means we're closer to God, we're closer to Jesus, we become more like Him, more transformed into His image and so that's what we're talking about today and what's funny is, it's not like we have done this yet, right? Our heart is that we're gonna start walking in this ourselves and start examining areas of our life where we need more spiritual stamina. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] You actually challenged us this morning-- [Jennifer] Well, because this has been a conversation with us. You do Bible time every morning with the kids, which I absolutely love. I love seeing you lead in that way and you read through a chapter and you put it away and we went to go pray and I'm like actually, I think we can handle more. And you said-- [Aaron] Yeah, going back to our Sunday conversation. [Jennifer] Yeah, and so you said, "You're right," and so you pulled it back out and you just told the kids, "Hey, we're gonna read a little bit more today," and you read a-whole-nother chapter. [Aaron] Yeah, and I will say it was in Luke chapter 21, was the first chapter we read and then chapter 22 was significantly longer, but we did it and the kids totally handled it. Yeah, they got a little squirmy and even in my own flesh, I could feel myself feeling like, okay, this is just going long, but that's the only way we're gonna do it. Didn't we, when I started doing Bible time, wasn't it just a verse? [Jennifer] It was a couple verses, it was so brief, yeah. I feel like it was five minutes, max. Maybe if that. [Aaron] Probably a couple minutes and now we're at a full chapter, so just for those that are listening or wondering about family Bible time, start small and build up the stamina. Build up your ability and your kids' ability to listen and hear more and handle more time in the word of God. [Jennifer] And I just wanna add something specifically for kids, because when we build our spiritual stamina, they're seeing our example and the way that we lead in that way. Oh, that's good. And that's gonna help them as adults and so I just wanna encourage those listening with kids that it's our job, it's our privilege, it's our obligation as Christians to lead our children in this way and I'll be honest, sometimes I lean heavily on my husband to lead in this way and it's like I think, we already did Bible time and so therefore when I'm doing school with them and Aaron's off to work that I don't need to pray with them, or at least I think like, check off the box, that's already been done, but if I wanna build their spiritual stamina, I'm going to go into prayer or read the Word or teach whatever I need to teach of God's ways at any time throughout the day and that's kind of been the blessing of being at home to homeschool them but today, specifically, as this theme has been playing out in our lives and we've been thinking about spiritual stamina, I, during school, stopped and made the kids sit on the floor and we all held hands and I said, "We're gonna pray. "We're gonna pray specifically for some friends "that are going through a hard time right now," and each one of the kids prayed and it was really incredible. [Aaron] And that's good and that's building our stamina and how could we ever expect our children to fall in love with the word of God, grow spiritually, love God if they don't see us walking in those ways? We can't expect something different from them that we wouldn't expect of ourselves. And so the desire that we have to grow spiritually, to get better at being in the word of God and to get better at prayer. Not that these things commend us to God but they make us more like Him and because our heart is like, "Man, Lord, we wanna be like You, we wanna walk with You, we wanna know You," that's where this desire is coming from. This craving of getting stronger and more fit in the word of God, activating the things that we're learning, walking in the ways that we're reading in the word of God. [Jennifer] So we were dong family Bible time this morning and you wanna share about what we read? [Aaron] Yeah, 'cause again, there's this theme. There was Sunday morning, there was Sunday night in the book I was reading and then this morning, Monday morning, we're reading in Luke and it's Luke chapter 22 and it's just, this is about Jesus praying. He's about to go to the cross and I just wanna read the scripture verbatim and then we'll talk about it. It's in Luke chapter 22, verse 39, "And He came out and went, as was His custom, "to the Mount of Olives and the disciples followed Him. "And when He came to the place, He said to them, "'Pray that you may not enter into temptation.'" I just wanna stop right there for a second because you actually pointed this out this morning, you're like, "He asked them to pray "not to enter into temptation?" Jesus loved his disciples and He asked them, He said, "Guys, pray that you don't enter into temptation." Especially knowing that Peter was about to be tempted to deny Him. He knew he was gonna deny Him, three times, and Jesus was like, "Hey guys, "pray so that you won't enter into temptation." He's like, it's not just a warning, it's like a hey, this is what you can do, this is what you should do so that you won't do the other thing. [Jennifer] And this is the same, this is true for us. Yeah. Right? [Aaron] And then he says in verse 41, "And He withdrew from them, about a stone's throw "and knelt down and prayed, saying, "'Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me. "'Nevertheless, not My will but Yours be done.' "And there appeared to Him "an angel from Heaven, strengthening Him, "and being in agony, He prayed more earnestly "and His sweat became like great drops of blood "falling down to the ground. "And when He rose from prayer, "He came to the disciples "and found them sleeping for sorrow. "And He said to them, 'Why are you sleeping? "'Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.'" [Jennifer] Okay, so hold on. So, Jesus was in agony and He kept praying. [Aaron] He prayed more. [Jennifer] He prayed more, more earnestly. So, that shows some stamina and I think that this moves my heart so much because I think of everybody going through hard times, everybody goes through, in their own way, they have to face circumstances, conflict, whatever it is. How can we have the stamina to face those things earnestly through prayer, if we're not doing it when times are easy? [Aaron] Yeah, and it would be easy to say, "Well, like, he's Jesus," but the Bible tells us that Jesus was like us. He was tempted in the same way, He had physical limitations and weaknesses in the flesh but without sin and so it says that he was in agony, sweating as it were drops of blood, that's how much agony He was in, knowing what He was about to face on the cross. But yet, He prayed and said, "Not My will be done but Yours." And so the template we get here is that we pray God's will for our life, that we do it even when we're in agony and more earnestly and I just like He says, He says, "Why are you sleeping?" And I feel like us, it's almost as if we've been sleeping and God's looking at us saying, "Wake up. "Wake up, the time is drawing near, "get on your face and pray." do you feel like that, Babe? Yeah. Do you feel like He's telling us to wake up? [Jennifer] Yeah, I do. I mean, I feel like in a lot of ways, we do fulfill these scriptures and we do try and walk in righteousness and walk in the ways that He's called every Christian to, through His word but yet so often, we neglect it or we forget or we think we're doing fine until we read things like this and it hits us head-on that Jesus Himself was in agony and He continues to pray earnestly, and that's our example. And are we doing that? [Aaron] Yeah, and I think about, He says, "Rise up and pray that you may not enter into temptation." I think of the normal temptations to sin, but how often are we tempted to just not pray? To not be in the word of God? [Jennifer] To do something else, to go on social media? [Aaron] Gosh, that's like, my story. It's everyone's story. I go to bed and I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna read the Bible," and then, boom, I'm on my phone. [Jennifer] It's everyone's story right now. [Aaron] Yeah, so let's wake up, Christians. We're gonna do this with you. Let's wake up from our spiritual slumber and our lack of fervor for spiritual things. The Bible tells us to desire that which is from above, Heavenly things, and I want that. I wanna pray more. I wanna be in the word of God more. I wanna be in close unity and fellowship with other believers more. If in prayer, and in the word of God, I'm thinking about this Sunday in teaching on this idea and practicing it and just reading through several chapters in the word of God, just to get our stamina for the word of God. [Jennifer] I think it's important, I think we need it. [Aaron] Yeah, and so we should try that. Remind me to do that this weekend, I'll prepare something. So that was the scriptures that we read this morning to our kids, again about prayer and just seeing Jesus's example in that. And then I just wanna, really quick, this is to emphasize that I believe God's just hammering home in our marriage currently, this idea that God wants us praying. So last night, I could not sleep. I don't know if you know this or not but I literally was dreaming all night and when I dream, I don't feel like I've slept at all. I remember waking up at 12:00 and then 1:30 and then 3:30 and then at 4:30, finally, I woke up, and I started praying for the person I was dreaming about. I was like, "Okay Lord, I had this dream "about a friend of mine and I had the dream all night "and it was really distressing to me," and I finally just woke up and I just prayed for him. I don't think the dream is true but I believe that he needed prayer, and so I just started praying for him. And then I had another person, another friend of mine that moved away, and I haven't thought about him in a little while, and so this morning, after I got back from the gym, I just started praying for him. And what's awesome is, he sends me a message, or he actually posted about me today, just saying he wanted to like go do a run with me, or something like that, and I went and I just messaged him and I said, "Hey, how are you doing? I'm praying for you." And he lets me know that stuff's going on in his life, that I didn't know about and I was like, "Man! Well, I'm praying for you, "I'm here for you, let me know what's going on." And I was like, "Okay, Lord." [Jennifer] That's really cool. [Aaron] Like, you want me to pray? Like, I'm gonna pray. And it's not for my sake, it's for others' sake and it's also for just hearing God's voice, which I think is awesome. [Jennifer] Yeah, well I think that when our hearts are yielded in that way and submissive to God in that way, we hear Him and He can speak to us and He can lead us and He can show us things or present opportunities like, with your friend, texting back and forth, would you have even had that opportunity if your heart wasn't tender enough to be praying for him? [Aaron] Probably not. I wouldn't have been thinking about him, I wouldn't have been ready. I might have, like, if I talked to him later, said, "Oh, I'll pray for you," but it encouraged me to know that God had already had me working in the spirit on his behalf. Which I think is a really awesome thing. And think about the body, the entire body of Christ, the church, what it would look like if we were praying like this for each other? Just always in prayer for each other. It'd be powerful. [Aaron] Now, what would it look like in our marriages? What would it look like if I was praying for you every morning? Which I do, I pray for you, but I don't pray for you the way I could be. Do you feel like you feel pray for me like that, and if you don't, what would you think would happen if you were praying for me, just fervently and daily and hourly, sometimes? [Jennifer] Well, there has been seasons of our marriage where I know for a fact that you're wrestling with something or you need help with something or you're down and like, I can sense that, or we've talked about something specific and those are the times that I feel like I really go to God in prayer for you, on your behalf, and then there's other times where I feel like we're good and I'm not in that same heart of prayer. [Aaron] Right, we're good, we don't need it. [Jennifer] Not that we don't need it, but like, I know if someone says, "Prayer is amazing, "you need to be praying," I'm like, "I know." But am I walking in that faithfully, with fervor, with my knees on the ground for you? I don't fight for you like that, like I should be, every single day. [Aaron] Right, and we get reminded in the word of God that the battles that we face are not battles against flesh and blood, but they're spiritual battles, against the powers in the air and the spiritual forces and we get to battle, as our Pastor Matt always says, he says that prayer isn't the preparation for the battle, prayer is the battle. We could be battling for each other. I could be battling for you that God's walking with you and helping you and encouraging you in your faith, in your abilities as a mother, in your strength as a wife and you could be praying for me for being protected from temptation and walking in leadership and getting wiser and all these things that we could be praying for on a constant basis. [Jennifer] What I found to be so impactful about marriage is that when we are yielded in this way, to be praying, especially for our spouse, when I'm praying for you, my heart's not focused on myself, it's not about me, it's about you and if my heart's in that position, then what's gonna happen in my actions as we interact with each other throughout the rest of the day? I'm gonna be mindful of you, I'm gonna be thoughtful of you, I'm gonna be thinking about your needs and thinking about how I can serve you, love you, help you versus the other way around which is me, me, me. [Aaron] Right, and that goes to that scripture, I believe it's First Thessalonians that says, "Pray without ceasing." It's not that we are literally on our knees praying 24/7, it's that we are in constant communion with the Father, who, when we do that, changes us, speaks to us, walks with us, guides us, puts our eyes on the things that He wants our eyes on, puts words in our mouths that He wants us to speak, has us hear things He wants us to hear, and so prayer does that. It turns our hearts to God, which then turns our hearts to what He wants. So I love this. I think that as marriages, we should just pray and we're gonna be doing this, pray that God would give us a heart for prayer. That he would grow our spiritual stamina for the word of God, for prayer and that we would see fruit from it, good fruit. And so I think we should go into a time of prayer. What do you think about that, Babe? [Jennifer] I feel good. I feel like it's necessary and needed and I think that we need to be praying specifically for the body of Christ even more. I feel like we're entering into a season where the body needs it more than ever. [Aaron] Right, so we're gonna go into a time of prayer and I'm gonna pray for some of the things that the community, you guys, gave me to pray for and we'll pray for some other things and then we'll close it out. [Jennifer] We wanna invite you guys to pray along with us and if anything comes up in your heart that you need prayer for or that your spouse needs prayer for, just take a minute and just pray for them. [Aaron] Father God, I just wanna come before You and I wanna lift up marriages all over the world, marriages who love You, marriages who desire to see Your will done in their life. Father, I pray that You would reveal Yourself to them, that You would draw them so close to You, God, that they would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they're Yours and that You desire to use them in mighty ways. Father, I specifically wanna pray for those marriages who are struggling with illness. I know many marriages have real illnesses, real bad things that they're dealing with, hard things, things that they've been dealing with for years, even. I pray, Father, for complete healing. I pray that even if they aren't healed, Father God, that their hearts would be yielded to You, that they would trust You and know that You are doing good things in their life. I pray, Father, that they would lean on You in their weakness because, Father, You tell us in Your word that in our weakness, Your strength is made perfect, and so I pray that in their lives, Your strength would be made perfect and they would know it. I pray that they would rejoice in their afflictions, in their sickness, that people that are watching them and that are wanting to them to be better, Father God, would see their joy, would see their resolve and would know, God, that they are walking with You and that they would be a testimony to people that are watching them. I also wanna pray for marriages that are dealing with infidelity, Father God, and unfaithfulness. I pray Lord that you would convict the hearts of those who are not walking in faithfulness with their spouse; that Lord, You would change them and transform them and rebuke them, if necessary, and that You would bring other Christians alongside them to rebuke them as well; and that they would turn their hearts to You, that they would repent and that they would change their ways and that You would redeem those marriages, Father God. We just, we pray in Your mighty name, in the name that is above all names, Jesus Christ, and we ask, Lord, that you would change those marriages and that they would be a testimony for you; that anyone who would see and hear their story would know that there is a God in Heaven; that they would know that You are the one true God, because they see that Your hand was in their marriage and that You redeem them and save them. [Jennifer] God, I just thank You so much for these marriages, I thank You for these husbands and wives and the purposes that You have for each one of us and I just pray, Lord, that as we draw closer to You, that Your holy Spirit would just continue to guide us and continue to lead us, continue to give us stamina, Lord, for Your word, give us stamina for our prayer life and for talking to You and just coming before You with our requests and our thankfulness and everything that's going on in our lives, Lord, and I just pray that we would have stamina in our family lives, that we would be present. I pray, Lord, that each one of us would know the roles that we have with our children and other people's children, that you would just reveal to us, just how influential each one of us are in their lives and I pray, Lord, that we would have stamina with them, that we would be patient and kind and compassionate and caring as we disciple them and draw them closer to you. God, I thank You so much that these marriages desire to draw closer to You and I just pray that we would all experience more intimacy with You. I pray that we would experience more intimacy in our marriages. God, I pray that every marriage after God would build their foundation and establish it according to Your word, that we wouldn't let a day go by without reading your word. God, please remind us every day that we are lights of Your testimony, especially for this world, this dark world, Lord. I just pray that we would know what purposes we have to fulfill in this life and I pray that we would walk in the ways that You've already established for us to walk. God, I pray against the enemy. I pray against his flaming arrows and the ways that he tries to attack us and I pray that he would not get in the way of what You're trying to do on our lives. I also pray against our flesh and the temptations that come to draw us away from You and I just pray, Lord, that we would be stronger than that, that we would be able to walk righteously and pure and God, I just pray that Your Holy Spirit would help us in this way. God, I specifically wanna lift up some requests that came from the community and that was around job and work and I just pray, Lord, that as people transition in and out of jobs, with changes, I pray that for those who don't have a job right now, I just pray for all of it, Lord. That You would just continue to guide each one of us as we pursue the work that You have for us, and regardless of the circumstances, whether we're in work, in job changes or out of work, that we would continue to be a light for Your namesake, that we would be a testimony to those around us, of faithfulness and perseverance and hope. I pray, Lord, that whatever work that we do, that we would do it unto You. I also wanna lift up finances too, Lord, and I just pray that each one of us would steward well all that You have given to us. If there are couples in debt, Lord, I just pray that You would inspire them to change their ways, that they would do everything that they can to get out of that debt and that they would lead their families well in the area of finances. I pray that we would be a generous people, people who don't cling to what they have but that they're holding it open handed so that You can guide and direct wherever You need those resources to go. God, I pray that You would be able to trust every marriage with the finances that You have placed in their lives and that we would just steward them well, Lord. God, I just thank You so much for our marriages and I just continually ask that Your Holy Spirit would lead us and guide us and draw us closer to You each and every day. [Aaron] Father, we love You and we thank You for the things You give us in our life. The blessings, the hard things even, we thank You for all of it, Lord. You love us, You desire for us to mature and to grow and to become the men and women You've called us to be. You desire that our marriages would be used to grow Your kingdom, to spread Your gospel and Father, we just wanna give You all the glory and all the honor, You deserve it all. You are so good to us, Father, and we thank You for it all and we just pray these things in Your Holy Son's name, Amen. So we thank you for joining us today, I know this was a little bit of a unique episode and we just pray that all of us, that me and my wife, that you and your spouse would begin to grow in our spiritual stamina, that we would fall in love with prayer, fall in love with the word of God and that we would crave more and more of it every day so that God would use it to change us, to transform us, to make us more like his Son, Jesus. And the reason for it all is that He would use us, that we'd be used to point people to Him. We thank you for joining us and we look forward to having you next week. Did you enjoy today's show? Find many more encouraging stories and resources at marriageaftergod.com and let us help you cultivate an extraordinary marriage. Connect With Us
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| 13 Jun 2018 | 7 Tips For How to Get Out of Debt Quickly | 00:21:20 | |
Our heart for you is that you would be debt free in your marriage because we know that this freedom will make you freer to minister for God and for what he has called you to do. Most of the country is in debt. We have all embraced the idea that debt is normal and expected. But as believers, we are called to be different. As Christians, we can choose to live a life of freedom from debt and we can allow God to change the way we think about money. So here are 7 simple tips to help you get out of debt fast and stay debt free. -- The Husband And Wife 30-Day Devotional: I Love My Wife Shirt: -- FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCES FOR WIVES FOR HUSBANDS Connect With Us
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| 31 Oct 2024 | Biblical Marriage Roles, A Fresh Perspective on God's Design - Interview With Michael and Tania Koehler | 00:56:22 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Michael and Tania Koehler from Marriage Mania Ministry. This dynamic couple shares their unique journey of being called into marriage ministry just three months after their wedding, and how God has used them to strengthen marriages for over 11 years. During this rich conversation, we explore:
Whether you're newly married or have been together for decades, this episode offers biblical wisdom and practical insights for building a stronger, God-centered marriage. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Michael and Tanya:
Follow us on Instagram: Marriage After God - https://www.instagram.com/marriageaftergod Unveiled Wife - https://www.instagram.com/unveiledwife Husband Revolution - https://www.instagram.com/husbandrevolution Ways to Support This Podcast: Visit our shop: https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/ Become a patron: https://marriageaftergod.com/patron Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Michael Kohler, Tanya Kohler, Marriage Mania Ministry, biblical marriage, marriage roles, biblical submission, spiritual leadership, marriage ministry, Christian marriage, relationship advice, marriage counseling, biblical wisdom, marriage support, Christian community, marriage resources Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 13 Apr 2018 | Family Bible Time: The How-To Guide for Fostering Unity and Faith | 00:29:31 | |
Welcome to this enlightening episode of our podcast, where we, Aaron and Jennifer Smith, delve deep into the transformative power of family Bible time. Drawing from our own experiences and teachings from Marriage After God, we aim to guide you on fostering faith and unity within your family through the Word of God. In the first part of our discussion, we emphasize the importance of diligence in Bible study. We share our personal journey of making Bible study an intentional, consistent, and daily pursuit, and how it has significantly impacted our family's spiritual growth. We explore how our active engagement with the Bible has influenced our children's understanding and appreciation of God's Word. This segment is a call to action for parents to lead by example and make Bible study a visible part of their daily lives. Next, we share practical tips on how to engage your children in Bible study by making it a family activity. We discuss the benefits of focusing on the main stories and characters in the Bible, and how asking simple, engaging questions can reinforce understanding and spark curiosity. This segment offers valuable insights on how to make Bible study an enjoyable and enlightening experience for your children, based on our own experiences. Navigating adult content in the Bible can be a challenge when studying with young children. In this episode, we share strategies on how to handle these sections. We discuss how to skip over these parts or explain them in an age-appropriate way, ensuring that Bible study remains a positive experience for your children. We then delve into the power of the Word of God, discussing how reading the Bible can lead to growth in faith and understanding for you and your family. We share our personal experiences and revelations, emphasizing the transformative power of God's Word. In conclusion, we reiterate the importance of studying the Bible as a family. We discuss how this practice can lead to spiritual growth, unity, and understanding. We share our hopes and prayers for all families embarking on this extraordinary journey of faith. Join us in this episode as we explore the transformative power of family Bible time and share practical tips and insights to help you foster faith and unity in your family.
Introduction (00:00:00)
The Importance of Diligence in Bible Study (00:02:30)
Making Bible Study a Family Activity (00:10:00)
Navigating Adult Content in the Bible (00:20:00)
The Power of the Word of God (00:30:00)
Conclusion (00:40:00)
Outro (00:45:00)
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How To start a family Bible Time
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| 07 Mar 2018 | Our Marriage Story: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly | 00:50:44 | |
Sharing intimate and painful parts of our marriage story was not easy at first, but over time we realized our transparency helped other married couples find hope in the fact they are not alone in their marriage struggles, but also hope in how God can restore brokenness in marriage. In this episode of Marriage After God, we share how we met, getting married, those first few hard years, how God walked us through healing from painful sex and pornography, and where we are today. As we share our story we share bits and pieces of encouragement for where other married couples might be at today. Love stories are unique, but every marriage has its good, bad, and ugly. Sharing these stories can be powerful in the lives of others, so we must share them. Resources:
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| 27 Apr 2023 | How to Keep going during hardship when you just feel like giving up | 00:47:32 | |
There is a temptation that comes for all of us and often we fall for it. It comes when we are distracted and least expect it. This temptation disguises itself in many different ways but always has the same desire and comes from the same place, deep within us. This temptation when given in to causes us to deflate, detract and desire to completely retreat. It is the temptation to give up when things get hard.
This week's episode is brought to you by our faithful patron team. These are men and women around the country who have been blessed by our free daily prayer emails and this podcast and have chosen to pay it forward. We have been hosting this podcast since 2018 and we have been sending our Daily prayer emails since 2015. Praise God that our listeners and subscribers grow every year BUT naturally so does the cost. So we decided to invite our listeners to partner with us to help cover the expenses to provide these resources for free. If you are interested in supporting this podcast and our daily prayer emails Please visit marriageaftergod.com/patron Also, if you would like to get our free daily prayer email please visit marriageprayerchallenge.com and sign up today. Connect With Us
Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||
| 19 Dec 2024 | Building a Healthy Marriage - Interview with Scott & Kristen Kedersha | 00:58:39 | |
In today's episode of the Marriage After God podcast, Aaron interviews Scott and Kristen Kedersha, marriage ministry leaders at Harris Creek Baptist Church, who vulnerably share their journey from an unhealthy dating relationship to a Christ-centered marriage that's impacting thousands. After 23 years of marriage and raising four boys, they reveal how God transformed not just their relationship, but their entire approach to life and ministry. In this wisdom-filled conversation, we explore:
Whether you're dating, newly married, raising children, or empty nesters, this conversation offers hope and practical wisdom for pursuing a marriage that honors God and impacts future generations. Please subscribe to our channel on YouTube, iTunes, or Spotify and leave us a star rating and review to help us reach new listeners. Your support and feedback mean the world to us! Connect with Scott and Kristen:
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Smith Family Resources, Inc © 2024 KEY WORDS: Marriage After God, Aaron Smith, Scott Kedersha, Kristen Kedersha, marriage ministry, Christian marriage, parenting wisdom, relationship transformation, confession and repentance, family discipleship, marriage authenticity, Christ-centered marriage, spiritual growth, marriage enrichment, raising children, empty nest preparation, marriage counseling, relationship wisdom Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriageaftergod/donations | |||