Breakup Advice For The Most Common Breakup Questions

The only thing worse than going through a breakup or a divorce, in my opinion, is the mental and emotional fallout that comes after. Most people dealing with a split are consumed by unanswerable questions, replaying events in their minds, and trying to make sense of what happened. They also often worry about how they'll ever get over it... and when they'll stop feeling so terrible.

Since I do so much work around breakup recovery I often have people get in touch with me with questions, and for help in dealing with a bad breakup. But I recently had a listener of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast get in touch with me in the most unique way. She had read my book, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love" but had some additional questions about how to get over some of the most common (and frankly, hardest) aspects of breakup recovery. But instead of just emailing she recorded her questions into the sweetest video, and shared it with me.

As I watched her ask her heartfelt questions it I thought of all the other people who were probably going through the exact same things. I got back in touch with her to see if it was okay to use her recording in an upcoming episode of the podcast so that my listeners (and YOU) could also benefit from hearing the answers. She was kind enough to let me share them, and today's podcast is the result.

So if you're also going through a breakup and also wondering...

• How do I let go of the guilt and regrets I have about this relationship?
• How do I repair my self esteem after being rejected?
• How do I deal with seeing my Ex's friends out?
• How do I cope with being "blindsided" by a break up?
• Will I ever feel hopeful and excited about finding a new love?

... you'll definitely want to tune into this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

I hope our conversation helps you find your way towards growth and recovery too.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Do you hate to meditate? Does the idea of sitting on a little pillow with your eyes shut, sweeping stray thoughts out of your head over and over again, make you feel antsy? 

Me too. 

And yet, Mindfulness - the art of being present -- is the key to a happy and healthy life. 

You don't have to meditate in order to practice mindfulness. 

In fact, you can be more connected with the present moment all of the time. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm teaching you how!

You'll learn easy, concrete tools to be more mindful. You'll also learn how to use the skill of mindfulness to feel more calm, happier, more productive, and have better relationships with others.

And if your busy mind is keeping you awake, be sure to download the Free Bonus Sleeping Meditations I mentioned on the show, at www.drlisabobby.com/sleep.

----

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Psychologist. Learn more about her private practice at www.growingself.com, and follow her blog at www.drlisabobby.com.

There are false myths about men that are unhelpful to everyone; themselves, the people who love them, and their relationships. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, our mission is to understand men and "the male experience," especially when it comes to self-development. To this end, I've enlisted the support of my fellow couples counselors, therapists and life coaches, Zachary Gaiter, and Seth Bender

Here are just some of the questions about men we're discussing:

• Why can it be so hard to get men to open up?
• Is it true that men are less likely to get involved in personal growth work, or want to pursue couples counseling?
• How can women help the men in their lives get help if they're worried about them?
• What are some things that men need to figure out, that women never even think about?
• What are some of the things that men really need their partners to know, but might not know how to say?
• What is the difference between a "guy" and a "man," in terms of male identity development?
• And what are some of the unique situations that men may be struggling with, but that never even get discussed?

All here for you, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com 

Are political differences with people you love threatening to tear your relationships apart? You’re definitely not alone! Today, we’re diving deep into the delicate dance of keeping relationships healthy across political divides. 

In this episode, I’m sharing the strategies to help you navigate tricky conversations with grace, keep your cool, and protect your own happiness along the way. By the end, you’ll know exactly how to preserve the connections you care about most, even when politics threaten to tear you apart. Stick around to the end—I’ve got some free resources to help you practice these skills and share them with your loved ones. Let’s jump in!

Timestamps:

00:00 - Are Political Differences Threatening Your Relationships?  

04:22 - Assess the Importance of Each Relationship  

07:32 - Radical Acceptance (It's Tough, But Worth It!)  

11:12 - Emotional Regulation - How to Stay Cool  

16:49 - Focus on the Positives (Yes, Really!)  

23:09 - Set & Maintain Healthy Boundaries  

32:18 - Advanced Skills: Radical Curiosity and Empathy  

39:06 - Free Resources + Final Thoughts

If you loved this episode, don’t miss the next video in this series! Let’s keep building those relationship skills.

P.S. Need a little more support? Check out my free Communication That Connects 2-Part Video Series. Also, join me Thursday at 12 pm MT for a live session right here on YouTube on this very topic, how to navigate political differences in relationships. You can even submit an anonymous question right here.

If you find yourself with partners who mistreat you again and again, it’s time to explore that pattern, so you can find a healthy relationship. On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re talking about why you keep dating jerks, and the steps you can take to break free from bad relationships and find real, healthy love.

You deserve it!

xo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Eating is one of the most basic ways we care for ourselves every day. But having an unhealthy relationship with food can leave you feeling stressed, emotionally drained, and bad about yourself, rather than nourished, energized and empowered. 

Unfortunately, many of us have a fraught relationship with food. Emotional eating, shame, and anxiety around food or body image, and negative cultural messages about what we “should” be doing or how we “should” look, can get in the way of mindful, compassionate, and self-aware eating practices. 

Intuitive eating is all about listening to yourself, trusting yourself, and having a positive relationship with the food that nourishes your body and brings you pleasure. 

Today we're talking about how to shift from emotional to intuitive eating with an intuitive eating counselor who’s sharing some radical wisdom for making peace with food and your body. Tune in to learn all about: 

[03:53] Emotional eating

[07:32] Unhealthy relationships with food

[17:06] Changing your relationship with food

[23:29] Adopting healthier coping mechanisms

And much more.  

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

After you've lived something really painful, there will always be a need for healing in the aftermath. Therapy can really help you put yourself back together again. But it's also true that most people don't just go back to baseline. Many people actually find that, when their healing process is complete, the difficult time they weathered ultimately transformed them in really positive ways.

Learn about "post traumatic growth" on this episode of the podcast. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

Today, we're answering your relationship questions in order to give you real help for your relationship. Here are some of the relationship questions I'm answering today:

Ms M asks, "How do I know whether my relationship is worth saving, or if I should let this go and move on?"

Lisa asks: "Should I stay friends with my Ex?"

Mr. T asks: "I'm shutting down with my partner. How do I stop?"

Ms. K asks: "I'm afraid that my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to his own issues. What do I do?"

I mentioned many resources and links in this episode. Get access to all of them on the post for this show: https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-dmt

Do you have relationship advice for these questioners or personal experiences that you can relate? Perhaps you have your own relationship questions, self-improvement questions, breakup questions, or career questions for an upcoming episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please leave them in the comments!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Happy, healthy relationships are built on healthy boundaries. If you struggle to establish boundaries in relationships, understand your boundaries, or even define your boundaries to others, this episode is for you!

I am talking with Denver Therapist, and Boundary Expert, Kathleen Stutts and we are going to cover the basics of boundaries and then dive into the nitty-gritty of establishing your boundaries in relationships so that you too can feel empowered in your most important relationships!

Join Us!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

We are living in historic times. In the midst of a global pandemic, our country is also fighting another battle: One that seeks to shine a light on injustice and systemic racism, end abuse and discrimination of Black Americans and other people of color, and begin the hard work of healing.

This reality brings up questions that need to be answered:

• How can a person of color cope with feelings of anger and pain due to being directly impacted by (or bearing witness to) racial injustice in our society?
• What are some strategies that Black Americans can use to stay empowered in their relationships, and to make informed, affirming decisions that honor their needs and rights?
• Where do you turn for safety, support and understanding in a divided and uncertain world?
• How can people of color honor the reality of the past and present, and also remain hopeful about the future?

Growing Self therapists Teresa Thomas, M.S., and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC tackle these questions and more, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Join us!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Learning how to face your fears productively can give you clarity, direction, and — ironically — peace of mind.

No one likes to feel afraid, but fear can be a powerful tool for living the life you want to live. Fear will alert you when you’re not living in alignment with your goals and your values. If you can face your fear and take wisdom from it, you can open doors that you wouldn’t otherwise have the clarity or the motivation to open. 

Today’s podcast is all about facing your fears. I’m talking about why we feel fear, how fear can illuminate what’s most important to us, and how you can take guidance from your fear to live more fully and more in alignment with your values. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon. After traumatic things happen to us, we don’t stay broken forever. We learn and grow from our most difficult experiences and use them to live more meaningful lives. 

But all of that can feel out of reach when you’re in the depths of a traumatic loss. This episode will help you begin to move in the direction of growth and healing, so you can reap the benefits of post traumatic growth. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

It's not "The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" when your heart is broken.

Even if the holiday season usually delights you, it's hard to be cheerful when you're consumed by painful memories of holidays past. The first year post-breakup, or post-divorce, can be especially traumatic. Everything reminds you of your Ex, and the fact that you are not together anymore. Thinking about the ice skating rink that you held hands at last year, how you're going to explain this to your anxious Grandma, or even the sight of sparkling lights is enough to throw you into a heavy state of sadness.

The holiday season can also feel particularly lonely if you're nursing a broken heart. Emotional pain feels isolating and difficult to share when it seems like everyone else is happy and having a good time. And of course the last thing you want to do is go to a party when 1) you need to fake cheerful "okay-ness" and / or 2) you're worried about running into your Ex or their friends. That's not even taking into consideration how challenging it is for the newly single to to negotiate high impact social situations without their usual "plus 1."

In short: this time of year makes a hard situation feel even harder. 

If you're like most people in this position you probably have lots of questions: "How should I handle myself in certain situations?" "Should I even try to go to parties this year, or should I lay low?" "How do I take care of myself?" and "Will this loneliness and pain ever end?"

Truthfully, the answers to those questions are not always easy or simple. The answers really depend on where you are in the breakup recovery process. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup, and show you how to actually use the opportunity of this challenging time of year to move your "heartbreak healing process" forward more quickly.

Not only will your "what to do" questions be answered, but you'll also get a good roadmap for the recovery process ahead. I hope that this information will help you invest in yourself, and make the coming year a fresh, positive new chapter of your life.

All the best to you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces

Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.

Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.

People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.

As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.

Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.

And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.

Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis

Seriously. Use it to your advantage.

• Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.

• Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively.

• Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.

• Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!)
• Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month).

2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.

Happy New Year!

-- Lisa

Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"

If you are a smart, growth-oriented person, the possibilities for your life are infinite. So how are you supposed to choose a life path? Figuring out what you want in life is easier said than done. It takes self-reflection, courage, and a belief in yourself, even when your choices disappoint others. 

This episode will help you learn how to figure out what you want in life so that you can live a life that honors your dreams, values, and unique gifts. Join me!

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — If you'd like some expert support with finding clarity and direction in your own life, schedule a free consulation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

Ready to turn the page and create a bright new reality for yourself? Whether you're ready for a new era in your career, your relationships, or a new sense of ownership in your personal narrative... today's episode is for you.

My guest today is a Jedi-caliber therapist and career counselor, on a mission to teach you how to write a new story for yourself. Ready to start your next chapter? Join us! 

There's so much in store for you, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

How about this idea for a #NewYearsGoal? Learn how to practice radical self acceptance, and love yourself, for who and what you already are.

Learning how to be okay with not being okay, have compassion for yourself and others, and grow in your authenticity may sound like the antithesis of personal development, but the opposite is true:  The practice of radical acceptance can (paradoxically) lead to transformational change on every level. 

Learn how to lean in, in this episode. 

And happy new year!

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Your mind-body connection is powerful. Sometimes the most direct path to improving your emotional wellbeing isn't through therapy — it’s through lifestyle changes. Other times your physical health suffers because of the way you’re thinking or feeling.

The way you think, feel emotionally, and your physical wellness are all interconnected. 

Tune in today to gain insight into your mind-body connection, and get actionable strategies to support every aspect of your wellness.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Have you been considering a career change? Sometimes, the first, hardest step is getting clear about what it is that you want to do. But even with that clarity, there can be other obstacles that need to be worked through before you can find a career that you love. Questions like:

• Should I go back to school?
• How will changing careers impact my family?
• What career is congruent with who I really am?
• What am I really good at? (And can I get paid for that?)
• Should I take a leap, or should I make an incremental change?
• Should I just focus on improving the career I'm currently in?

How — Or If — To Change Careers

Today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have the great pleasure of speaking with a master career coach, an executive coach, and a life coach. She's sharing her wisdom and experience to help you figure out if it's time to make a career change, and if so, find your ideal career and transition into a job you love.

Today, we're talking about:

• How to figure out if you're having "escape fantasies" and if so, how to avoid making mistakes in your career.
• The myth of the perfect career, vs what a realistic "career experience" should be.
• Escape fantasies vs making slight shifts
• Differences around career changes between men and women
• The utility of taking a career assessment test, or career placement test
• How to use your dark emotions to illuminate your career truth
• How to manage career challenges unique to different stages of life

No matter if you're a recent graduate looking to get clarity about what you want to do with your life, if you're in an established career that you're feeling dissatisfied and discouraged with, or if you're getting back into the workforce after taking a break, you'll definitely want to hear this great career advice.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

If you're feeling a little rusty talking to people, it's time for a refresher course on how to communicate with confidence and charisma. 

Today's guest knows all about how to be interesting and fun to talk to, especially under pressure. Kristen Carney is a stand-up comedian, comedy writer, and coach who's specialty is helping people be comfortable with others, create a positive impression, and be more confident in conversations.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to create "charismatic conversations" that breathe life into relationships. Join us! 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Modern dating is complex and challenging. I've had so many listener questions about dating coming in lately, that I just had to address them on a podcast! In particular, we're diving deep and talking through some of the more complicated aspects of "dating life" that many people struggle with, like:

What to do when you're terribly sad about being single?

How do you know if you're ready to date after a bad breakup or divorce?

If you're a single parent, when should you tell the kids about your new relationship?

How do you trust a new person if you've been betrayed in the past?

All that, and more, on this episode...

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: Do YOU have questions? Ask away!

Is pornography addiction taking a toll on your life or relationship? You’re not alone, and real help is here! 🙌 

In this episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, I sit down with the incredible Sathiya Sam, founder of the Deep Clean program, to discuss what recovery from porn addiction actually looks like. 

Together, we dive into tough (but crucial) questions: How do you spot the signs of addiction? What does true healing look like for both individuals and couples? And, most importantly, how can you support a partner without losing yourself along the way?

🎥 Ready to learn practical strategies for growth, connection, and positive change? Listen now and find actionable steps to help you or your loved one break free from pornography addiction, once and for all. 

Timestamps:

00:00 – The Hidden Impact of Porn Addiction

01:03 – Meet Sathiya: From Personal Struggle to Lifelong Mission

06:21 – Spotting the Warning Signs

10:46 – The Toll on Relationships and Intimacy

13:48 – Physical and Emotional Consequences

18:35 – Healing Betrayal Trauma Together

21:13 – Steps Toward Lasting Recovery

22:53 – Three Core Steps to Heal

23:41 – Building Self-Awareness

26:40 – How Trauma Shapes Addiction

30:56 – Supporting Your Partner’s Recovery (Without Losing Yourself)

36:41 – Long-Term Transformation

If you or a loved one are ready to break free from porn addiction, I have something to share with you. Recovery starts with connection—and connection starts with communication. My free video training series, Communication That Connects, is here to help you open up, ask for support, and rebuild trust with those who matter most. You don’t have to do this alone. 

Your partner in growth, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. Don’t miss this week’s live stream on Thursday at 12 pm MT here on YouTube, where we'll dive deeper into porn addiction recovery. Submit your anonymous questions in advance – I’d love to help you find your way forward. 💬

When you feel like you can’t connect deeply with someone you love, it’s painful. It’s common for people in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners to blame themselves, and believe that if they could just be perfect enough, then their emotionally unavailable partner would magically become responsive and available for the kind of relationship that they want to have. 

This mindset makes you feel bad about yourself, and unfortunately, it can push your emotionally unavailable partner even further away. So what should you do? That’s what we’re exploring on this episode of the podcast. I hope it helps you see where your relationship’s growth opportunities are, and make choices that are right for you. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

I often share relationship advice geared towards helping you proactively solve problems, practice good communication, and tackle tough issues before they become explosive... but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, couples just have a terrible fight where they both say mean things to each other and feel like they damaged their relationship in the process.

Has this just happened in your relationship? Have you just had a nasty fight, and now you're looking for help to get your relationship back on track?

You're in the right place: Today I'm sharing my top tips for how to calm down, get back on track, and not just repair your relationship after a fight — but USE this experience to help your relationship grow and improve. PLUS, your questions about what to do when they're frequent fighting.

All for you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

So, you've got a bad boss. If you're lucky, this will be your last... but unfortunately, toxic leadership is not unheard of. Knowing the signs of a toxic boss can help you protect yourself, manage yoru expectations, and move on to a better situation when the time is right. 

A toxic boss can stimy your ability to do your best work, which will not only hold back the company, it can damage your career. They can foster work environments where people feel drained, resentful, or constantly at odds with their coworkers. And when it comes to your emotional wellbeing, working for a crappy boss can really take its toll. 

But help is here! Today on the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to navigate a toxic boss and even use this difficult experience to propel your career forward. 

You'll learn: 

• The signs of a toxic boss.
• How toxic leadership impacts you, your relationships with coworkers, and your ability to be successful in your career.  
• How to deal with a bad boss. 
• Growth opportunities that only come from working for a toxic manager. 

All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — I have a collection of articles and podcasts designed to help you thrive in your career. Check it out — I made it for you!

Any kind of loss hurts, but the pain is prolonged when you don't know how to get closure and move forward.

Unfortunately, closure isn’t something that anyone else can give to you. It’s also not something that just happens. It's an active process that creates healing, and restores your wellbeing.

On this episode of the podcast, I’m talking about how you can do that. No matter what kind of loss you're currently dealing with, I hope the ideas I'm sharing today help you take the next step on your journey of healing. You deserve that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcast playlists on this and related topics I invite you to browse my “Healing After Heartbreak”,  or "Emotional Wellness" collections. 

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just stop caring what people think? 

Imagine how confident you would feel if criticism bounced off your psyche like pebbles off a suit of armor. Imagine all the mental and emotional energy you could free up if other people’s opinions stopped taking up space in your head. The fear of judgment or rejection would no longer be a concern for you. You’d be an unstoppable force, ready to conquer the world! 

Of course, not caring at all about other people’s thoughts isn’t a goal you’re likely to achieve. And you wouldn’t really want to — having some sensitivity to how other people think and feel is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships. But we all need to strike a balance between concerning ourselves with what other people think, and using our own internal wisdom to tell us who we are, what’s important to us, and how we want to spend our limited time on Earth. 

To strike this balance, you need to learn how to rely less on external validation. You must know how to validate yourself, so you can feel good about who you are and confident living your life based on your own values and priorities, no matter what’s going on in other people’s minds. If you struggle to validate yourself, learning how to do so may be the most important step you ever take along your journey of personal growth. 

This is the kind of work that can take months or even years of therapy, but this podcast will give you some ideas about where to begin. I hope it helps you think about some areas where you might be relying a little too much on external validation, and how you can begin to shift that. 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — I’ve created a library of related content, all about how you can become the best version of you. For more podcast episodes and articles, check out our “personal growth” collection. 

Do you ever feel like “working” on your relationship just drains the joy out of it? You’re not alone— that “work on it” narrative is so common and in my experience as a marriage counselor…. some of the worst advice ever. 

Of course you want a better relationship, but there are much more effective ways of making that happen: Especially when you start prioritizing the parts that you enjoy.

In this podcast, I’ll show you why the idea that “relationships are hard work” might actually be sabotaging your connection and what to do instead. Learn how to bring more fun, positivity, and love into your relationship with simple, actionable steps. We’ll explore everything from changing your mindset to building better communication and adding joy to your everyday life.

Timestamps:
00:00 – The Worst Relationship Advice Ever
00:38 – Why Relationships Should Be Fun
01:34 – Shifting Your Mindset from Work to Joy
02:40 – Bringing Fun Back into Your Relationship
03:30 – How Personal Growth Improves Love
04:53 – Mastering Positive Communication
06:12 – Focus on What’s Good (And Watch it Grow!)
07:51 – Making Your Relationship Pleasurable Again
09:31 – Leading with Love
12:35 – Turning Mundane Tasks into Meaningful Moments

If you’ve been feeling like your relationship is more work than it should be, I’ve got something for you. My free 2-part video training, Communication That Connects, will help you shift out of that "hard work" mindset and give you tools to build a relationship that feels fun, loving, and easy again. Check it out here: https://www.growingself.com/communication. 💕

💬 Got questions? Join me for this week’s livestream on Thursday at 12 PM MT on YouTube. Submit your questions anonymously ahead of time here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. If you know someone who could use this advice, share this video with them! Let’s create stronger, happier relationships together. 💕

Ever wonder why your child melts down over the tiniest thing—or how to actually help them navigate big emotions? Today, we’re diving into the world of Child-Centered Play Therapy, an evidence-based approach that helps kids build confidence, self-regulation, and emotional resilience… all through PLAY.

I’m joined by the amazing Dr. Brenna Hicks, a specialist in helping parents use these techniques at home to create a happier, calmer family environment. Whether you have a preschooler, a strong-willed school-age kid, or a moody teen, this conversation will give you powerful tools to understand your child’s emotional world—and strengthen your bond in the process.

We’re covering:

• What makes Child-Centered Play Therapy different from other approaches

• How play can help kids process emotions (even when words fail!)

• What really causes tantrums and dysregulation

• Simple therapist-approved parenting strategies you can start using today

• How to know if your child might need therapy—and how to find the right therapist

Timestamps:
03:29 - What is Child-Centered Play Therapy (and why does it work?)
09:27 - The parent’s role in play therapy (and why it’s a game-changer!)
16:03 - Why kids “act out” and what’s really going on
23:09 - The surprising science behind play as therapy
34:41 - How therapy transforms kids from anxious to confident
36:27 - What to do if your child is struggling emotionally
43:20 - How to tell if a therapist is actually qualified to help your child
47:58 - Parenting tips: What to say (and what not to say) to your kid
53:11 - When to seek professional help & what to look for in a therapist
01:02:49 - Resources, next steps & final thoughts

I know how much you love your child and want the absolute best for them. Parenting is one of the most rewarding—and challenging—jobs in the world, and sometimes, we all need a little extra guidance and encouragement. That’s why I created the Happy Families Collection—a curated set of expert tips, strategies, and insights designed to help you build a stronger, more connected, and emotionally healthy family. ✨

👉 Access the Happy Families Collection here!

And if you loved this episode, let’s stay connected! Find me on Instagram for daily inspiration and expert-backed advice, and don’t forget to subscribe on YouTube for even more deep-dive conversations so you can create love, happiness, and success in your life.

You’re doing an amazing job, and I’m so honored to be on this journey with you!

Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com

P.S. If you know a parent who could benefit from this episode, share it with them! I know personally that us parents really appreciate the love and support.

Most busy professionals feel they don't have the luxury to "just hang out." Yet investing in healthy friendships is one of the single most impactful things you can do to improve your mental, emotional, and even physical health.

To support YOU in your understanding of the importance of healthy friendships, and to deepen you understanding of what it really takes to build supportive relationships in your life, I’ve invited science journalist and author Lydia Denworth to speak with me about her new book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.”  

She shares what her painstaking research has uncovered about why friendships are so important to us, the risks of neglecting your friendships, the impact of friendships on children and adolescents, and — perhaps most importantly — concrete strategies for how to build and nurture your friendships during social distancing.

Listen, and learn about the importance of healthy friendship and how to build strong friendship connections in your own life.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Where did everyone go?? At some point, many/most adults look up one day to realize that all their old friends have either moved to Austin or are completely buried in #babylife or never-ending home improvement projects… and they have nobody to spontaneously get a beer with on a Tuesday night. Can you relate?

It's not just you. Did you know that, on average, most people lose more friends every year than they gain? Over time, your life can become increasingly lonely unless you’re actively working to build and maintain friendships. But here’s the thing: making new friends as an adult is harder than it sounds. 😅

In this episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, we dive deep into the complexities of adult friendships with journalist Kelly Stout, who spent a month trying to make just one new friend… and learned some important things that she’s sharing with YOU.  From the unexpected emotional hurdles to the surprising lessons about vulnerability and connection, we explore what it really takes to form meaningful relationships in adulthood. 💛

If you’ve ever struggled with loneliness, wondered why your social circle shrinks as the years go by, or just feel stuck when it comes to making new friends, this episode is for you. 🙌

Chapters
00:00 Can Happiness Really Be Found Through Friendships?
00:19 Why Your Friendships Are More Important Than You Think
00:58 Meet Kelly Stout: Her One-Month Quest to Make a New Friend
02:30 What Happens When You Set a Deadline to Make a Friend?
04:58 The Hidden Challenges of Building Friendships as an Adult
12:55 What Actually Defines a True Friendship?
15:40 Friendship Experiments: What Works and What Doesn’t
18:32 Why Opening Up to Others Feels So Scary—And Necessary
22:33 The Biggest Lessons We Learned About Friendship
25:01 When Friendships Feel Fleeting: Why It Happens
25:45 Vulnerability Hangover: Ever Felt It? Here’s Why It Happens
25:56 Turning Points: When You Realize You’re Doing Friendship All Wrong
26:33 Can You Fast-Track Emotional Intimacy? Let’s Find Out
27:18 Why We Gravitate Toward People Just Like Us—And What to Do About It
27:45 Discovering the Power of Friendships with People Who Are Different
28:19 The Comfort and Complexity of Long-Term Friendships
29:53 Bumble for Friends: Can You Really Make Friends on an App?
32:01 How Internalized Shame is Holding You Back from Friendship
34:03 The Reality of Keeping Friendships Alive as an Adult
43:57 Why We Crave Community—and How to Build One
47:01 Modern Loneliness: Why Life is Designed to Keep Us Isolated
53:44 Final Reflections: How to Create Real Friendships That Last

💡 Learn how to overcome the struggles of making friends as an adult and build a community that brings joy and connection back into your life.

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: I think you and I should be friends! Come hang out with me on a Thursday live stream! Mark your calendar right now, it's at 12pm MT / 2pm ET on my Instagram, Youtube, and Facebook. This week we're talking about friendships. If you have a question or conundrum related to this, here's the link to ask in advance: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa. Be sure to subscribe/follow so you get updates and recaps!

P.P.S. As promised in this podcast, here's the link to grab your totally free and VAST collection of all my best articles and podcasts on the subject of healthy relationships. I made it for YOU. 

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people?

In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision.

Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.)

But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth.

What Happens When You Lose Yourself

Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems.

For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy.

Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.)

Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast:

"Dear Dr. Lisa,

Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.]

[Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it.

Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.)

Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times.

I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier.

I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic."

Sincerely,
- H

How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself

Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually.

In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives.

No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression.

Not fun.

So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead.

We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you.

Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Harness The Power of Your Mind

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself for not doing the things you know you should do? Of course! We all know how incredibly hard it can be to stay motivated, and stay on track for the long haul.

You only need to look at what a huge industry Life Coaching has become to see how many hundreds of thousands of people are enlisting the support of a coach to help them stay motivated, stay accountable, and make things happen. There is a reason why people reach out to life coaches: It can be tough to stay on track and follow through when you're going it alone.

However, there are things that you can do on your own to take charge of your life, and achieve your goals. In particular, when you get in control of your mind you can transcend limitations and overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable before.

Your Mind + Body connection is undeniably powerful. Research consistently shows the impact that your physical health, diet, exercise and sleep habits has on your mood and on the way you think. But it works the other way too -- cognitive approaches to therapy have been found by research to be the most consistently effective way of improving your mood, feeling better, sleeping better, and getting better results.

[Tweet "When you get in control of your thoughts, you get in control of your life. "]

Learn How to Get In Control Of Your Mind

Being able to harness the power of your mind isn't about luck or magic. Just like happiness is learned you can also learn how to use simple skills and strategies to build your motivation, resist the temptations that will lure you off track, and achieve your goals.

My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Sir John Hargrave, is here to teach you how. Sir John is the author of Mindhacking: How to Change Your Mind For Good in 21 Days. I spoke with Sir John a few months ago before he released his book. In our "Mindhacking: Reprogram Your Brain" podcast he discussed tools and tips you can use to "debug" your brain and straighten out your thinking process.

Today, he's back to share his latest adventures and advice with us. To prove how powerful his mind control techniques are, Sir John just undertook a 21 day fast. He's here today to speak with us about the mental ju-jitsu he used on himself to accomplish this goal. He's sharing his insights with you, so YOU can use similar strategies to make things happen in your own life.

Listen to Sir John's great, specific advice and learn how to increase your motivation, your focus, and your sense of control. Learn more about Sir John and his book, his program, and his latest adventures in mind control at www.mindhacki.ng

Take Control of Your Life: Listen Now

(Was this helpful? If so please be sure to review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast on iTunes. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on upcoming episodes!)

Are you still beating yourself up for things you regret, or mistakes you made long ago? Good, caring people are always the hardest on themselves — but it takes a toll. On today's episode we're talking about how to forgive yourself through mindful self compassion, so that you can turn "regrets" into new opportunities for growth.

I hope these ideas help support you on your journey of growth and healing.

Your fellow traveler,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, or work WAY harder than you should to make sure they're comfy (often at the expense of your own needs), my friend, you may be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship. 

In fact, over many years of experience as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I've often found that the true underlying issue behind many relationship conflicts is due to emotional enmeshment and it's sister, codependence. This creates resentment, reactivity, pursuit/withdrawal dynamics and more.

Good relationships require individuation, and a healthy self awareness of personal responsibility and healthy boundaries.

So how can you create a healthier connection? That’s what this episode is all about! I’m talking about what enmeshed relationships look like, why they’re problematic, and how you can bring your relationship back into balance if emotional enmeshment is creeping in. 

I hope you’ll join me!

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Ever feel like the love, support, or security you needed growing up was just… missing? And now, you’re feeling the effects in your relationships, your self-esteem, or even your ability to create the life you *really* want? If this hits home, don’t worry—you’re not stuck! 

This week I’m joined by THE legendary Dr. Dan Siegel, and we’re diving deep into the powerful process of reparenting yourself. Together, we’re going to show you how to rewire your brain for emotional healing, break free from past patterns, and build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:

- How childhood experiences shape your adult life (but don’t define it!)

- The healing power of contingent communication in relationships

- Practical strategies like the *Wheel of Awareness* for personal growth

- The importance of presence over perfection in parenting—and in life!

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Emotional Healing

02:41 The Importance of Childhood Development

06:29 Understanding Contingent Communication

13:55 The Impact of Early Experiences on Adult Life

14:31 Healing from the Past

20:12 Developing Healthier Relationship Patterns

21:19 Understanding Temperament and Personality

23:35 The Enneagram and Attachment Insecurity (Really!)

27:09 Practical Techniques for Personal Growth

30:25 The Role of Agency, Bonding, and Certainty

35:33 Achieving Wholeness and Integration

38:26 Resources and Final Thoughts

🌟 Want more? Grab this free resource I created for you: a curated collection of all my best articles and podcasts on attachment, emotional healing, and healthy relationships at https://www.growingself.com/connections/.

And… drumroll please! Join me for this week’s live Q&A on Thursday at 12 pm MT on Youtube, Instagram, and/or Facebook where I’ll be talking about emotional healing and reparenting yourself!

Got a question? Ask me anonymously in advance using this link: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa

Let’s grow together! 🌱

Love,  

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience.

Today, you'll learn about the nature of resilience, and how you can build the “protective factors” into your life that will help you manage stress, recover from difficult experiences, and adapt to change — so you can thrive no matter what life throws at you.

Here's to growth,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — I have a library of free content available for you on becoming more resilient. Check out my “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Preparing for Fatherhood

Preparing for Fatherhood can feel a little daunting and it's not something that we talk about enough. The transition into parenthood can be beautiful but it's also very challenging. Today, I'm joined by Jessica and Seth, marriage and family therapists here at Growing Self. We are going to be discussing the postpartum experience from both the mother's and father's sides of the experience. Join us as we discuss preparing for fatherhood!

xo, 
Dr. Lisa
www.growingself.com

Have you ever wondered why you lose it sometimes, and say things you regret later? Or why you get to a certain point where you just cannot talk anymore, and shut down? These are both examples of emotional flooding: Lashing out and withdrawing are two sides of the same coin. Both can be disastrous for your relationship.

On today’s episode we’re talking about the reality of emotional flooding, and how to manage it effectively when you’re “coming in hot.” 

Join me!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Dating Coaches Get Real.

Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who's a good match for you. Whether you've been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting.

And... I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love. 

But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what's the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results?

So Why Am I Still Single?

To get to the bottom of this, I've asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate.

All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection.

Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship.... or lead them into the arms of "the one."

Listen to his expert advice, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

If you are looking for love, you have a better chance of finding the right person through an app on your iPhone than you do loitering around local watering holes. There are tens of thousands of eligible singles in Denver alone, and they have thoughtfully curated themselves to show you who they are before you even talk. You can flip through possibilities like you were flipping radio channels, until you find the perfect one. So easy, right?

Well, theoretically. But the truth is that even the process of setting up a profile can be anxiety provoking. What picture do you use? What do you say? How do you set yourself apart without being weird? What if no-one gets in touch? What if they do but you don't like them? Agh! It's enough to make you scrap it all and just go back to standing around bars on Saturday nights.

Help has arrived. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with the wonderful Bela Ghandi -- dating coach and online image consultant, and founder of Smart Dating Academy. You may have caught snippets of her dating wisdom from her appearances on the Steve Harvey Show. But if you missed it, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and learn how to WIN online dating!

Welcoming a new baby into the world can be one of the most exciting and joyful times for a couple... and also one of the hardest. It's unfortunately very common to have marriage problems after baby. As marriage counselors and family therapists we often see that most couples spend so much time and energy preparing for the birth, and how to take care of their newborn, they neglect to think about how they'll keep their relationship strong after baby.

Because this transition to parenthood can feel so challenging for many couples, we're devoting a whole episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to supporting you through it. Marriage and family therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small will be sharing her tips for how to not just keep your relationship strong after baby, but set yourself up for success in the years to come.

Listen now to get Jessica's advice for how to:

• Prepare your relationship for a baby
• Have crucial conversations that will help you work through issues as they come up
• How to support each other emotionally after having a baby
• Practice practical strategies to make things easier for both of you
• Keep a compassionate mindset
• Create a happy new chapter for your marriage

We hope that this information helps you successfully transition from being a happy couple to a happy family!

Sincerely,

Jessica Small, M.A., LMFTand Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT

www.GrowingSelf.com

When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell. 

That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their personalities (insofar as we can know someone’s personality within a few months of dating).

This isn’t because we’re all shallow jerks — it’s just that we’re biologically primed to hone in on the qualities that make for an excellent short-term mate (short-term as in, long enough to make a baby and keep it alive until it can walk), rather than the deep personal qualities that actually make for a good life partner. 

Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, it’s to your benefit to learn about these deeper qualities, so that you can recognize them in others and cultivate them in yourself. If you can focus on character over chemistry in your relationships, you can create a partnership that’s healthy, strong, and truly built to last. 

On this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. Using insight I’ve gained through working with countless couples over the years in marriage counseling and relationship coaching, I’m going to tell you what actually makes a good life partner — and how you can develop your own “good partner” skills to create better relationships. 

With Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Adult ADHD: A Blessing and a Curse

Wondering if you have Adult ADHD, or suspicious you do? Want to take an "Adult ADHD Test?"

Here's the first test: Does the fact that this is a podcast about ADHD rather than a written article make you feel relieved? (Because you can run / clean / drive / keep futzing around with whatever you want to instead of having to sit still for a REALLY LONG TIME (like 8 minutes) and laboriously read through an article and take a quiz?)

Ding ding!

On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to tell the difference between garden-variety disorganization and real-deal ADHD. I'll give you an "Adult ADHD Quiz" to help you determine if you might have it, or if someone you love may struggle with it. I'll also be sharing some strategies you can use to conquer Adult ADHD, and rise to your magnificent potential. 

Check out the video and book resources I mentioned on the podcast at www.growingself.com/adult-adhd-test.

Learn more about Dr. Bobby, her coaching practice, and her online "Happiness Class" at www.growingself.com

(Music Credits: "Networking" by The Knife)

Are you getting pressured, guilted, or blamed into taking responsibility for other people's problems? Understanding where your sphere of personal responsibility stops, and where someone else’s starts is vital to setting healthy boundaries with clarity and confidence.  

So, what is your problem? And what is someone else’s problem? Let's figure it out together, on today’s episode.

Your partner in growth, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

I'm a big fan of feelings. Feelings carry important information. Feelings help us understand ourselves and other people, and feelings can help guide our lives. However, some kinds of feelings are more complicated than others. Sometimes we need to figure out if our feelings are worth listening to and taking guidance from, or if we need to override them order to be our best selves.

Guilt is one of those potentially confusing feelings. Some "flavors" of guilt are good; they help us be better people. Some flavors of guilt can trap us in bad situations; stealing our voices and our power. How can you tell which guilt you should listen to, and which you should push away?

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast you'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, as well as a practical, powerful strategy you can use to say goodbye to unhealthy guilt for good.

If you started the new year with ambitious goals and aspirations that are already on life-support, or have been abandoned altogether: CONGRATULATIONS. Only now do you have the real-world information you need to reassess your situation, gain more clarity, and tweak your approach.

To help you figure out how to achieve your most ambitious goals for real, I've invited master life coach Laurie Gerber of The Handel Group to share her tips for how to use setbacks to understand yourself more deeply, and shine a spotlight on the mental, emotional and practical strategies that will help you achieve your most ambitious goals.

Listen and learn:

• How creating multidimensional, holistic self-awareness can help you uncover blindspots that could otherwise become obstacles.
• Why the obvious path to change is often not effective (and what often unseen things actually are)
• How to get your thoughts, feelings and behavior into alignment
• Different ways of thinking that will help you stay motivated over the long haul

I hope that this conversation helps YOU dig deeper, get into alignment, and get clarity about where to refocus your energy.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. One of them is our free Ten Year Plan exercise. If you haven't done this yet, here's the link to get the pdf or access to the online version.

We all hear “you have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself? 

This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.

You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.

With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU, 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS, ANSWERED | Lately, I've had quite a few listeners and readers get in touch with their relationship questions. I thought I'd devote an entire episode of the podcast to answering them! Specifically, I'm offering free relationship advice around these common questions on today's episode:

• What to do when you're feeling bored in your relationship, and are concerned because you're married but have a crush on someone else.
• What to do when you and your partner have different love languages
• Whether to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen to you
• How to get your partner to take more initiative for household tasks
• What to do when your partner has a substance abuse problem but won't get help
• What to do when your boyfriend keeps putting off getting engaged
• How to handle it when your partner is acting like a child in the relationship

Your burning relationship questions answered, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

PS: One of the resources I mentioned to a listener's question was our "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz. Click the link if you'd like to take it too.

PSS: Do YOU have a question? You're welcome to ask it here on the comments section for this post: https://www.growingself.com/free-relationship-advice-from-a-marriage-counselor, or via my Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby I just might answer it on an upcoming episode! :)

It's Not Just You: Online Dating Can Be Brutal

Profiles that don't get any attention.
Endless texting that doesn't go anywhere.
First dates that fizzle.

It's hard to avoid all the potential pitfalls on your own. It's anxiety provoking to put yourself out there and either hear chirping crickets, or endure a series disappointing experiences. There is a reason why dating coaching has become a multi-million dollar industry in the last few years -- NOBODY knows what they are doing when it comes to online dating. That's why so many people are turning to dating coaching experts to help them figure it out.

As we've discussed on previous podcasts, for successful online dating you need to have CLARITY, INTENTION, and a darn good STRATEGY. There's no better person to take online dating advice from my guest on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: The world-famous online dating coach Julie Spira.

For over 20 years, Julie Spira has been helping singles find love online. She teaches singles how to shorten their search, so they can ride into the digital sunset together. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie is a frequent guest in the media for online and mobile dating advice. She’s appeared in over 650 stories including ABC, BBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, NPR, Good Morning America, Elle, Glamour, Men’s Health, New York Times, Washington Post, and USAToday. Follow her on Twitter, @JulieSpira, where she tweets about dating and love.

She’s here as our guest today to talk about the hot topic of online dating and mobile dating apps and the new audio book version of her bestseller.

Listen to our interview and hear Julie's top tips about how to make your online profile irresistible, convert first texts into first dates, and connect with the love you're looking for. Want more of Julie's tips? Links to her website are in our show notes for this episode: www.growingself.com/the-secret-to-finding-love-online-with-julie-spira

The Secret to Finding Love Online, with Julie Spira: Listen Now

All for you! 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Let's face it: Couples and money is a hot-button issue for many relationships. Sooner or later, all successful long-term couples need to work together to figure out how to communicate productively about money so that they can get on the same page and create a shared financial future. This is not always easy under the best of circumstances. 

Now, many couples are facing financial uncertainty or even a financial crisis (thanks coronavirus). It's more important than ever to be working as a united team around finances so that your relationship stays strong and healthy... even if your bank account takes a hit.

To help you have constructive, drama free conversations about money with your partner, I've invited my colleague Meagan Terry to give us the scoop on exactly what to do (and what NOT to do) in order to have loving, respectful, and effective conversations about finances that create unity and connection. 

Meagan is a highly experienced marriage counselor who has helped countless couples stop financial conflict and get on the same page around money. Now she's here for YOU. Listen, and get  her actionable tips you can start using today!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Do you have relationship questions, dating questions, breakup questions, communication questions, therapy questions, or need to know how to handle a totally awkward family situation? 

Today on the podcast we're talking about all of it: The entire show is devoted to you. Your life, your relationships, and your questions. 

Specifically, we discussed:

• What if you're having an argument with your partner and need to take a break to calm down, but they keep pursuing you?
• How to handle it when you're married and have a crush on someone else? What if you have a crush on an EMPLOYEE?
• Are you dating and hearing, "I like you but just as friends" a lot? We're talking about what that might mean!
• What are some tips to handle a hard breakup or divorce when you coparent with your Ex and have to see your Ex?
• What should you do if your family members are fighting with each other and you keep getting dragged into it?
• Can you do couples therapy by video if you're in a long-distance relationship? Why might that be a good idea?
• How should you approach your partner if you think they would really benefit from individual therapy or couples counseling, but they won't go?
• And so. Much. More.

Tune in!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Are you always walking on eggshells?

In part two of our "Communication Problems, and How to Fix Them" mini-podcast series, we're going be talking about how to tame the tiger glaring at you from across the living room, and bring the peace back into your home. If you haven't already, please listen to the first podcast in this series (posted last week) to learn about some of the basic concepts that we'll be building on today. Then, we'll talk about:

1. Why your partner seems angry, irritable, critical, or hostile.
2. What this dynamic does to your relationship, and the damage it can do unless you take action to stop it.
3. What you can do to restore the emotional trust in your relationship, and start having conversations again -- instead of fights.

I sincerely hope that this communication advice helps the two of you, and makes it easier for you to talk to each other.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Foundational Relationship Skills

• Self awareness -How understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and your personal values can help you build better relationships with others.
• Emotional regulation -How being able to manage your feelings can help you communicate more effectively in relationships.
• Self respect -How having healthy self-esteem and self-love helps you have stronger and more authentic relationships.
• Assertiveness -How to develop your voice and your truth in order to communicate your needs, rights and feelings to others.

Intermediate Relationship Skills

• How to improve your communication skillsby cultivating both self-expression skills as well as listening skills.
• Setting boundaries -How to set appropriate and healthy limits with others.
• How to manage conflict.

Advanced Communication Skills and Relationship Skills

• Identifying our triggers -How to use our self-awareness, self-respect, and communication skills to avoid situations that would be bad for us and bad for our relationships.
• Empathy -Learning how to understand the needs, rights, feelings and perspectives of others, and how to use that awareness to improve communication and build better relationships.
• How to cope with relationship challengesincluding dealing with toxic people, how to deal with criticism, and what to do with bullies.

We sincerely hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps to give you some direction for building better relationships in your life!

xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Kathleen Carroll Stutts, M. Ed., LPC

www.growingself.com

Dr. Lisa here, doing a swan dive into your podcast feed a little early today to let you know that if you've been experiencing a resurgence of "covid anxiety" lately, you're not alone. I'm re-releasing my "How to Cope With Covid Anxiety" podcast episode for you right now, and will be back in touch later today with a new episode. 

Wishing you all the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How to Deal With Cultural Differences in a Relationship

As a marriage counselor and couples therapist l know that all relationships bring a variety of challenges and opportunities for growth. At the same time, some couples  — particularly those in cross-cultural relationships — feel that they have further to go in bridging the gap.

It’s very easy for couples to get entrenched in conflict rooted in a core belief of “right and wrong” when it comes to how to approach various aspects of their shared life. This can be especially true around hot-button issues such as:

• “How much influence should my mother-in-law have in our family?”
• “How do we handle money as a couple?”
• “How do we parent our children together?”
• “How do we communicate with each other when we’re stressed?”
• “Who is in charge of what, around our home?”
• “How do we handle racial prejudice directed at one of us, or our children?”

To tackle these questions, and provide some direction for how to begin building bridges to the center, I’ve asked some multicultural relationship experts to join me for this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Growing Self relationship coaches Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT, Tania Chikhani, M.A, and Teresa Thomas, M.A. often work with cross-cultural couples and interracial couples, and have great relationship advice for how to create peace and harmony in your gloriously diverse family.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement. 

But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, your talents for writing code, or planning weddings, or stamping out widgets at the widget factory become insignificant overnight, and your career success begins to depend instead on how well you communicate, motivate, and connect with the hearts and minds of others. 

Most people find this shift harder than they expected. They often end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and less sure of themselves than they felt before becoming a boss. Many seek out career counseling or leadership coaching to learn not only how to be a boss, but how to be a good boss, capable of leading a team of talented people to accomplish great things. They begin a process of personal growth that makes them more aware, more influential, and more courageous, at work and in every other area of their lives. 

This episode of the podcast is for anyone who leads other people, or who hopes to someday. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that being a good boss is not a destination, but an ongoing journey that will challenge you in unexpected ways. I hope this episode gives you some fresh ideas for where to begin. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com  

Ever leave a conversation feeling like your brain’s been scrambled and you’re not sure why? Maybe you’re suddenly questioning your own reality, feeling guilty, or bending over backwards for someone who... let’s be real, might not deserve it? If that sounds familiar, pull up a chair, my friend.

Today, we’re pulling back the curtain on manipulation—not to teach you these tactics (please don’t use them!), but so you can spot them, disarm them, and never get played again.

In this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast, I’m breaking down the five most common manipulative tactics, why they work so well, and how to protect yourself—with confidence, clarity, and maybe even a little compassion.

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 – Welcome to the dark side (just kidding... kind of)
01:28 – Why manipulation works on good people
04:51 – Awareness is your superpower
06:01 – Guilt-tripping 101: How they hook you
09:07 – How to disarm a guilt trip like a boss
18:03 – Playing the victim: When empathy is used against you
31:36 – Love bombing: It’s not just for dating apps
33:01 – Healthy relationships take time (and boundaries)
36:55 – Narcissists, splitting, and people who come on way too strong
43:22 – Withdrawal + passive aggression = manipulation in disguise
54:11 – Let’s talk about gaslighting (finally!)
01:01:18 – What to do if you have vulnerabilities that get you caught in this stuff

If you’re realizing that certain relationships in your life are way more complicated than they should be—or if you’ve been stuck in a cycle of guilt, confusion, or second-guessing yourself—you don’t have to stay there. You deserve support. You deserve clarity. You deserve healthy connections.

Come connect with me and my amazing team at Growing Self and schedule your free consultation. Whether you’re looking for therapy or coaching, we’re here to help you break free from toxic patterns and build the life and relationships you actually want.

And hey—don’t be a stranger! You can find me on Instagram and YouTube for even more real-talk, tools, and live Q&A sessions. Let’s grow together.

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Know someone who’s been struggling with manipulation in their relationships? Be a good friend—share this with them. It might be the lightbulb moment they’ve been waiting for. 💡❤️

Help For Your Relationship

I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast.

Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered.

"How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)"

"What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?"

"How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?"

"How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?"

"What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?"

"What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?"

I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast!

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen Now.

(Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible?

Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it).

I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else.

And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates?

The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats.

Relationship Compatibility in Marriage

First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." 

Finding Your Soulmate

Next I'm putting on my dating coach  wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry.

For Premarital Couples

Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down.

Relationship Compatibility Test

One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her."

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are.

In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us.

The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members.

In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries.

The Usual Suspects:

• Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility.
• Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why.
• Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all.

Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year. 

I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer.

From me to you,

Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Music Credits: Ty Segall, "Ceasar"

Having issues with each other's family of origin is one of the most common things that couples fight about, particularly around the holidays. It’s challenging to set healthy boundaries while also maintaining relationships with each other's "first family” — particularly if your in-laws are controlling or intrusive. (Or just very different from your family).

On this episode of the podcast I’m sharing tips for how to deal with in-laws to help you navigate sticky situations with diplomacy and grace, so you can enjoy your time together.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Has Your Breakup or Divorce Shattered Your Self Esteem?

I have spent years helping broken hearted people with divorce and break-up recovery counseling and coaching, and poured through oceans of research to write my book, "Exaholics: Breaking your addiction to an Ex Love." I've spent years helping my private clients heal their self esteem in the aftermath of a bad breakup, and now we're addressing it today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

On today's show I'm going to help you understand how your self esteem was damaged, and how to develop new compassion and empathy for yourself. We're also going to discuss the five steps to healing your self esteem after a break up, so that you can start putting yourself back together again.

I hope that this helps support you on your journey of growth and healing.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

We all know that procrastination is a recipe for disaster leading to stress, rushing around, and disappointing people (including yourself.) Yet the little voice that says “let’s do it later” can be hard to resist. 

On today’s show I’m sharing new ideas and a fresh perspective that will help you use your natural strengths to focus on (and do!) the most important things… and stop beating yourself up about the rest. 

Stop procrastinating! Listen now! ;) 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids? 

Do you want them to do well in school? Have good friends who love and support them? Build a successful career doing what they love? Find a healthy, loving relationship some day and start a family of their own?

As both a marriage and family therapist and a parent myself, I can tell you that these are the dreams that most parents, including myself, have for their children. And that there’s one skill that’s essential for making all of these dreams and many others a reality: empathy. 

Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotional experience, and to connect with it from a compassionate place. Empathetic people have healthier relationships, a wider circle of support, stronger self-esteem, and greater success in every area of life. Fortunately, we all have the power to help our kids hone their empathy, and this episode of the podcast will help you do that. 

My guest is Georgi B., a marriage counselor and parent coach on our team at Growing Self. Georgi is sharing some valuable parenting tips on teaching empathy to kids. You won’t want to miss this conversation — this topic is so important, and it goes so much deeper than you think!

I hope you’ll join us. 

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Wondering why your therapist acts a little... strange? What are all those long, awkward silences about? Why won't they follow you on social media? You made DIRECT EYE CONTACT with them at the grocery store but they didn't acknowledge your presence. Why?? In this episode, we’re diving into the surprising truth behind therapist boundaries and why they matter for your personal growth.

 In this episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, I’m pulling back the curtain on some of the “weird” things therapists do (like, why won’t they just give you a hug already?!), and why those boundaries are actually super important for your healing journey.

We’ll also break down the difference between therapy and coaching, why therapists never give direct advice, and how these boundaries create a safe, effective space for you to thrive. Plus, I’m sharing insights that will help you build a strong, healthy relationship with your therapist. If you're in therapy, you’ll walk away with some major a-ha moments!

Timestamps:

00:00 - Let’s Get Real: Why Do Therapists Have Such Weird Boundaries?
02:25 - The Surprising Power of Therapist Boundaries
06:43 - Why Your Therapist Won’t Steer the Conversation (Hint: It’s for YOU)
09:10 - Therapist vs. Coach: Which One Do You Really Need?
12:35 - The Ethics Behind the Scenes: How Good Therapists Keep You Safe
24:25 - Why Your Therapist Stays Neutral (Even When It Feels Weird)
31:55 - Session Time Limits & Contact Rules—What’s Up with That?
35:51 - The Secret to a Healthy Therapist-Client Relationship
45:44 - Wrap Up: Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Wanna Learn More?

• Signs You Have a Bad Therapist

• How to Find a Good Therapist

Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell so you never miss an episode on all things therapy, coaching, and personal growth! Let’s keep this conversation going! 💖

We all inherit some baggage from our families of origin — and often, we don't even realize we're carrying it! On today's episode, I'm talking about how you can explore the intergenerational cycles that may be holding you back, and then make some intentional choices about what you want to keep, and what you want to leave behind. 

Breaking generational cycles is a self-affirming process. It frees you from ways of thinking and behaving that may have felt like "just the way things are," and allows you to become who you truly are at your core. And if you're parent, breaking generational cycles can be even more important, because it spares your kids from inheriting the junk that's weighing you down. 

Tune in to learn all about how this works, including: 

• 06:35 What Are Intergenerational Patterns?
• 09:49 Recognizing Your Patterns and Making Changes
• 21:22 Getting Help with Deeply Engrained Patterns
• 25:30 Emotional Intelligence and Generational Cycles
• 32:06 The Value of Structured Emotional Intelligence Work

Any Life Coach or Career Coach worth their salt will tell you that part of making great things happen in your life depends on your ability to be organized, at least to a degree. You may be blazingly talented and creative but if you can't manage your self, your possessions, your tasks and your time well enough, you are going to flounder. 

Learning how to get organized and stay that way is a foundational life skill: Your ability to keep your self together is the platform from which you build great things -- occupationally, creatively, and relationally. (Don't even ask me how many marriage counseling sessions I've sat in where the focus of the entire conversation was around one person's inability to get places on time). 

Furthermore, when you're disorganized it makes you feel anxious and out of control. Small tasks that should be easy start to feel hard because you can't find basic tools to accomplish them. (Like a stamp ...Or your shoes.) Little things become big things, procrastination carries you away, and all of a sudden you feel overwhelmed.

Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert professional organizer Lisa Woodruff of Organize 365. She has lots of practical tools and tips to help you get your life back together again, plus a great plan for helping you stay in a good place long term. 

Hope it helps!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

More from the blog: www.drlisamariebobby.com

How to Get Organized: Listen Now. (Music Credits: James Kibbie)

Are your insecurities holding you back? 

We all have things that we feel insecure about, but many people feel trapped by shame and self doubt, or like they're never quite good enough. And this can create major problems. Unchecked insecurity can keep you from taking risks, achieving your potential, getting close to others, and enjoying your life. 

A little insecurity can be healthy, leading to humility and an openness to the perspectives of others. True security doesn’t come from being perfect, it comes from accepting your imperfections and loving yourself regardless. 

So how can you stop being insecure, and start building self-esteem and confidence? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast. 

I hope you'll join me!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — The best way to address insecurity is by working with a good therapist or coach. Schedule your free consultation at Growing Self today.

Do you have a habit of giving too much in relationships? Maybe you say "yes" when you really want to say no, or you offer much more emotional and material support than you receive in return. 

All of this sounds noble, but overgiving is a habit that will eventually wear you down (and, that will keep you from having truly satisfying relationships based on mutuality). So how can you stop being an "over-giver" and start creating healthy give and take in your relationships? That's what we're talking about on today's episode. 

I've worked with many clients over the years who were card-carrying overgivers. They were all smart, strong, competent people who excel at getting stuff done. The flip side of these strengths can be a habit of over-functioning in relationships, which leads the people around them to underfunction. The result is a situation where they HAVE to do it all, because otherwise, everything will fall apart. 

At least that's how it feels. In reality, when you stop over-giving, you open up space for the people around you to step up. Some of them may disappoint you, but often, you will be pleasantly surprised at how the people around you rise to the occassion. You can stop feeling guilty, resentful, overwhelmed, and unappreciated, and start having the nourishing relationships you deserve. 

This episode will show you the way! You'll learn:  

• Why overgiving is damaging to your relationships and your wellbeing
• What overgiving looks like
• Why you overgive in relationships
• How to stop being an overgiver 
• Tips for setting healthy boundaries 
• Creating balance through the power of vulnerability and authenticity. 

All of that and more for you on today's show. I hope you'll join me! 

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — If you want to break this habit once and for all, we should talk. Schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Ever feel like you're stuck in molasses with zero motivation, energy, or sparkle? Me too, friend. Let’s talk about how to get out of a slump. 

In this episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, we’re diving deep into that “meh” space we all land in from time to time. Maybe your house is a mess, your energy is flatlined, and your dinner for the third night in a row is fried takeout. Here’s the thing, slumps happen. And they are 100% resolvable.

I’ll be unpacking why these slumps sneak in, what they really mean, and most importantly—how to actually get out of them. I’m sharing science-backed strategies, personal stories, and the little mindset and habit shifts that truly move the needle.

By the end of this episode, you’ll have your very own slump-busting plan—and you’ll know exactly where to start, whether you need a mindset shift, a behavior reboot, or both. 

Timestamps:
00:00 — Slumps are normal (but let’s not stay there)
06:18 — How to spot your personal “uh-oh” signs
10:32 — Slump vs. Depression: What you really need to know
24:44 — Why slumps happen: burnout, transitions, and mystery fogs
31:55 — Lifestyle habits that quietly wreck your vibe
33:17 — Why trying to “feel better” first doesn’t work
34:24 — What to do instead (this changes everything)
42:51 — Create your personalized slump-busting strategy
52:28 — Quick wins: tiny shifts that make a big impact
57:54 — Your next steps to get back to YOU

If you’re ready for a real, lasting reset—come join me and my amazing team in the Clarity & Confidence Coaching Program. This is where the magic happens. Together, we’ll help you reconnect with your sense of purpose, build habits that actually support the life you want, and shift the unhelpful thoughts that have been keeping you stuck. It’s not about a temporary mood boost—it’s about creating true, sustainable transformation from the inside out.

Schedule your free consultation now and let’s start building your breakthrough together.

And, I’d love for us to stay connected! Each week, I drop a new podcast episode and share resources to help you create love, happiness, and success in your life. I also go live every Thursday on Instagram and Youtube to talk about the topic of the week and answer all of your questions. So check out the full podcast episode and join me on Thursday at 12pm MT / 2pm EST. I’d be so glad to see you!

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Recognizing that the life you’ve created is not the one you actually want is an uncomfortable experience. But, believe it or not — it’s good. Why? It allows you to reflect, and recalibrate.

Whether you're in your 20s or your 30s having a “quarter-life crisis” is your chance to reconnect with who you are now, reimagine your future, and pivot in the direction of the life you want.

On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how you can use a quarter-life crisis as a launchpad for a new chapter of growth and success.

Here's to you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free...

Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck.

If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now.

Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward.

Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.)

As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise.

Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing.

This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself.

Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free.

How to Cultivate Self Awareness:

Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you!

Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life.

Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action.

Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first).

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

http://www.growingself.com

OVERCOMING INSECURITY | Even people in long-term relationships can struggle with feelings of insecurity. While very common, being insecure in a relationship can create problems — for both of you. 

Can you relate?

Join me and my colleague Georgi, a marriage counselor and family therapist who specializes in attachment theory and emotionally focused couples therapy. We're going deep into the topic of insecurity in relationships, and how to overcome it. Listen and learn more about:

• The root causes of insecurity
• The surprising ways insecurity can impact a relationship
• Practical strategies to help someone else feel more secure
• Actionable advice to help yourself feel less insecure
• How trust and security is healed and strengthened
• Concrete tools couples can use to banish insecurity from their relationship

We hope that this discussion helps you both overcome insecurity, and create the strong, happy relationship you deserve.

With love and respect, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Ps: Questions? Comments? Follow up questions regarding this topic? Join the conversation on the blog: https://www.growingself.com/stop-feeling-insecure

When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly.

As a longtime marriage counselor, I know blended family problems like these are common, and incredibly challenging to overcome. It’s one of the reasons I advise couples to seek blended family counseling as a preventative measure, before problems arise. I also advise taking a very thoughtful approach to blending your families, and examining your expectations for what the role of step-parent will look and feel like. 

Listen to “the dos and don’ts of step-parenting” to get real-deal advice on how to avoid the most common step parenting mistakes, and learn an approach to step-parenting that helps you release unhelpful expectations so you can create a happy, harmonious blended family.

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Managing Up for Career Success

Have you ever worked in a truly terrible environment? Think back to that job now. What made it so bad? 

If you’re like most people, the difference between a great job and a horrible job doesn’t have all that much to do with the work itself. Instead, it usually comes down to your relationships with your coworkers — and especially your relationship with your boss. 

Having a positive, healthy relationship with your boss, based on genuine trust and respect, makes your working life so much easier, and ultimately helps you both reach your career goals. 

So how can you build that kind of relationship? And how can you repair your relationship with your boss if it’s not off to a great start? 

On today's episode, we are talking about “managing up,” a professional development strategy that will help you build better working relationships, find more satisfaction on the job and remove the trickiest obstacles between you and your ultimate career goals. 

In this episode, we discuss…

[00:58] What Is Managing Up?

[14:19] What Managing Up Is Not

[24:15] Why Managing Up Matters

[34:53] How to Manage Up at Work 

My guest is Dr. Lisa S., PhD, LPC, CCC. She is a career coach and counselor at Growing Self, as well as the past president of both the National Career Development Association and the Colorado Career Development Association. Today, she shares her insight and wisdom with you. 

I hope you’ll join the “Doctors Lisa” for this lively and useful conversation about building an empowered, satisfying career by learning how to manage up.

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Wouldn't it be amazing if you just felt genuinely happy with yourself, and your life, and like things were just the way they should be?

Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra it would be this: All is well in my world and I am so grateful to be exactly where I am. 

While that is truly what we all want, it can also feel anxiety provoking to embrace contentment, especially for high achievers who worry if they stop striving, they stop moving forward.

Today’s episode of the podcast is all about cultivating contentment. We’re talking about how you can take greater joy in your life exactly the way it is, while still growing, evolving, and yes, even striving for more.  

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

Release Anger + Reclaim Yourself

There are many different types of anger that often impact our life coaching, therapy, and couples counseling clients here at Growing Self. All are different in some way, and similar in others. All are important, and deserve attention.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing my best advice for how to let go of anger. We'll be discussing:

• Different types of anger
• How holding on to anger harms you, ultimately
• Strategies to work through anger, productively
• Ways to maintain a more positive emotional equilibrium
• How to find forgiveness (and still have boundaries)

I hope this podcast helps you on your path of growth and healing.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Overthinking: The Curse of the Most Creative and Intelligent

Really smart, creative, and thoughtful people have many strengths. They can plan things in advance, avoid potential pitfalls, and envision their future reality. Vividly. However one thing I have learned from my years of experience as a therapist and life coach is that all these positive attributes, when left unsupervised, can also create boatloads of anxiety.

Overthinking and Indecision = Disempowerment

When you anticipate possible problems you feel constricted. When you plan every step you often encounter roadblocks. When you want to make the "right" decision before taking action, you invest more time and energy in to thinking than into doing. At these times it's easy to become riddled with uncertainty, and decide before you even try that things aren't even worth doing.

Slam! Analysis paralysis has clamped down on your life, and stopped you from living courageously.

The result? A safe life... But a smaller life.

Authentic Happiness Requires Risk

One of the core skills of authentically happy people that I discuss at length in my online Happiness Class is the ability to take measured risks. Why is the ability to try new things related to happiness? Because when you take action to bring your life into alignment with your core values, it gets better. Another component of fearless living is being able to handle uncertainty or adversity with confidence and competence. That means your happiness is still intact, even when things go differently than you'd hoped. That's true resilience.

Being resilient and trusting yourself means that it's safe to take chances. When you're able to fearlessly try new things, your world expands. When you give yourself permission to take action, you get to learn and grow no matter what. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next adds sparkle and excitement to your life. When your life gets bigger and more interesting, so do you.

Fearless Living Nourishes Your Relationship

Furthermore, novelty and learning new things are core ingredients to having a fresh, fun long term relationship. When your life atrophies, so does your partnership. If you want to have an interesting relationship, you need to have an interesting life. Plus, there is nothing sexier than a passionate person who is enthusiastic and confident. When you set aside anxieties and allow yourself to live fearlessly, you nourish both yourself and your relationship.

5 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living Fearlessly

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm giving you the scoop on how to release worry from your life, feel more confident in your decisions, strengthen your sense of competence and resilience, and cultivate fearlessness in your own life. Listen now, and learn all about the care and feeding of your inner tiger.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Call it a funk, a rut, a rough-patch — there are just times when you just don’t feel like yourself. We all go through it.

Maybe you’re more tired than usual, or crankier. Maybe you’re buzzing through your days with a low-grade ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, or feeling more negative and down on yourself than usual. Maybe you’re feeling more sensitive to slights, or feeling lonely — even when you're around people.

You're not "Depressed with a capital D" but you just don't feel great. 

What to do? How do you start to shake off the “Yuck” and reconnect with your sense of wellbeing?

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to "Loose the Blues."

Listen Now: 

Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of conflict and misunderstanding with your partner? You're not alone—and you're not powerless to fix it! In today’s episode, I’m breaking down how to fix a broken relationship by exploring the underlying patterns that keep couples locked in negative cycles.

Plus, I’ll share my own story (yes, I’ve been there too) and reveal the key strategies and mindset shifts that can help bring you and your partner back together. If you’ve been trying to make things better but feel like you’re swimming against the tide, tune in for some essential insights and actionable steps to get your relationship back on track

In this video, we’ll cover:

0:32 – The Toxic Spiral of Negative Communication  

3:15 – Uncovering the Hidden Patterns  

6:48 – How Negative Cycles Shape Perception  

10:25 – Breaking Free and Finding Real Solutions  

15:45 – When to Seek Help  

Want more guidance on fixing your relationship? Check out my free resource, How Healthy Is Your Relationship Quiz. Using this quiz, you’ll be able to decipher strengths and growth points in your relationship. 

If you want to ask me a question about your relationship, join me this Thursday at 12 pm MT on YouTube for my Livestream about how to fix a broken relationship. Submit your question anonymously here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa. See you there!

How do you have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner after the trauma of infidelity? It's possible, and in fact, going through the process of healing your relationship together can bring you closer in unexpected ways. 

But the road to recovery is not an easy one, especially when it comes to sex. Many couples struggle to heal, reconnect, and feel safe again after feeling violated by an affair. But there is a path to repair — for your relationship and your sex life — and that's what we're talking about on today's episode. 

Tune in to learn about: 

• 04:32 The Mental and Emotional Well-being of the Injured Party
• 06:00 Moving Through a Structured Healing Process
• 07:51 Stages of Sex After Infidelity
• 12:34 Managing Trauma Triggers During Sexual Encounters
• 19:16 The Desire for Detailed Sexual Information
• 29:45 Positive Growth and Conversations About Sexuality
• 34:37 Educating Yourself and Making Informed Decisions

How often do you say "yes" when you really want to say "no"? If you've ever felt that way, you're not alone! Today, we're diving into what happens when you stand up to someone in all areas of life—work, relationships, even healthcare. 

My guest is the incredible Dr. Sunita Sah, an award-winning professor at Cornell and author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes. Dr. Sah's research focuses on why so many of us feel pressured to go along with things we don't believe in and how we can cultivate the courage to say "no" when it matters most.

In this episode, you'll learn how social norms and "insinuation anxiety" hold us back from standing up for our true selves. You’ll walk away with the confidence to take small, powerful steps toward defiance in a way that feels authentic and empowering.

Timestamps

00:22 - Meet Dr. Sunita Sah: Her Story of Transformation

00:47 - The Psychology of Compliance and Defiance

01:31 - Defying Social Pressures: Real-Life Stories

02:07 - Why Compliance in the Workplace Hurts Us All

07:37 - A Fresh Take on Defiance: It’s Not What You Think

10:11 - The Social Roots of Compliance

17:51 - Facing the Inner Blocks to Standing Up for Yourself

25:32 - Practical Steps to Strengthen Your Defiance Muscle

33:23 - Living Authentically: The Real Benefits of Saying No

45:02 - Wrapping Up: Your Takeaways and Resources

Having low self esteem can make it hard to stand up for yourself. Is this true for you? Find out by taking my free Self Esteem Quiz! You’ll find out where your self esteem thrives and discover new areas for growth. Take it here. 

And, join me for a live Q&A this Thursday at 12 pm MT on YouTube, where we'll be talking all about self-advocacy. Want to submit a question anonymously? Use this link

PS: Think of someone who could use a boost in self-advocacy? Share this episode with them, and let’s help each other live authentically! ❤️

How To Improve Self Esteem

How do you feel about yourself?

Are you confident in your power to make good things happen in your life?
Do you believe that you are just as good as anyone else?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you feel like you are a good person, who is worthy of love and respect?

Too many people go through periods in their lives where self-confidence feels elusive. They doubt themselves. They may feel "less than" others around them. Perhaps they don't ask for what they deserve or don't feel able to take the risks that will move them forward.

And as a result, they may settle for less in their relationships, their careers, and their lives. Self-esteem matters.

Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-Worth

Feeling good about yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but rather in a healthy, self-accepting way) is key to having a good life. Yet many people struggle with this, and it is something that we routinely address with our therapy and life coaching clients.

So, to help you cultivate healthy confidence in your own life, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm joined by two of my colleagues, Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPCC, both of whom are experts in helping people heal, grow, and restore their optimism about themselves.

We're talking about how to improve your self-esteem, how to create self-confidence, how to cultivate healthy self-worth, and most importantly, how to use the healing power of self-acceptance to (paradoxically) create real and lasting change in your life.

We hope this exploration helps YOU on your path of growth and healing, too.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. 

I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again. 

Xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Lonely Valentine's Days aren't just for singles...

Valentine's Day can be a fun, romantic day. But it can also leave people feeling exquisitely lonely -- especially, believe it or not, if they are in long-term relationships. We've all heard the arguments that Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday, designed to manipulate people into spending their money. But what I have found to be more true is that people love to love. They love to celebrate their love. They love to feel cherished and appreciated. And they really want to feel loved, celebrated, cherished, and appreciated on Valentine's Day -- by the person who means more to them than anyone else in the world.

Particularly when relationships have been feeling challenging, many people hope that Valentine's Day can be a day for recognition, reconnection, and reunion. That the love that launched their life together can be breathed back into a cozy fire by a little effort and specialness. (And it certainly can).

And... many married people have hopes that do not come to fruition on Valentine's Day. Instead of feeling like they day was a celebration of their love for each other:

They don't feel loved and cherished.

Or

They don't feel valued and respected.

Or

They don't feel known, or understood.

Or

They are frustrated by radically different ideas of what would be fun / meaningful to do on Valentine's Day.

Or

They try to have a good time, but old friction points, conflicts, and resentments bubble up to spoil it.

Ick.

When these things happen couples can feel very, very lonely on THE DAY that it seems like everyone else in the world is celebrating their love. Even if things are "good-enough" most of the time, and longing for connection is lost in the day-to-day flurry of must-do activities and chores, a lonely Valentine's Day can still feel like a real blow.

It's hard to live through this, but here is the good news: Being dissatisfied with the way things are is the definition of motivation. All couples have ups and downs. Being more aware of your feelings is the first step towards making positive changes in your life, and in your relationship.

Are YOU feeling ready to make changes? Do you want to feel connected, and in-love again? Help is here: On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my top 10 tips to help you re-establish your romantic connection.

Feeling Lonely In Your Marriage? 10 Tips To Reconnect. Listen Now.

Music Credits: "Valentine," by The Losers

Free advice from a Life Coach:

Did you know that making New Year's resolutions can actually get in the way of your making real and lasting change in your life?

Today on the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast I'm putting on my Life Coach hat: I'm going to teach you a totally different way of thinking about "success" that will help you clarify your values, focus your energy on what's really important, and help you make massive progress towards the things you want most in life.

Sounds bold, I know, but this is a system I use all the time with great results -- both with my clients, and myself. Today I'm going to be teaching it to you, too. (Psst. Have you subscribed to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast yet? Subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed, and while you're there leave a review!)

New Year's Resolutions Don't Work

I felt compelled to share this to you because I know that you -- like all of us -- probably have high hopes for the coming year. And there's nothing worse than making big plans for change... only to feel like a "failure" before February even rears it's heart-spangled self.

What we know from research (click here to review the Stanford study on New Year's resolutions) is that only 8% of Americans achieve their New Years resolutions. Pretty grim. That's 92% of people feeling like they missed the mark.

So What Will Actually Help You Achieve Your Goals?

In order to understand what will work, we have to first understand what traditional New Years resolutions are lacking, and why they fizzle fast.

It's because even the most heartfelt resolutions are often disconnected from the things that will get you real results: Your values, your time, and your energy. It's one thing to set a goal. Goals are great, and give us a direction to move towards. But making things happen in your life is altogether different than "achieving goals." To hike up the tallest mountain, you have to stay on the path. The right path. If your only focus is the mountain peak, it's pretty easy to wander off into the bushes that are right in front of you.

Here's A Simple System That Will Move You Forward, Meaningfully.

This podcast is a New Year's gift to you. I'll be teaching you the system I use, and that I use with many of my clients to help them refocus, recenter, and kindle a motivational fire under them. It will help you not just start the New Year off on the right foot, but help you get on the right path for the long haul.

And - FYI - If you happen to be reading this AFTER the New Year, that is great too. This approach is a life-skill that you can use any time of the year to get re-focused, re-centered, and re-energized. Walk through the activities any time you're feeling like you need to get back on track.

Because I'm all about making things easy and effective I even made you a worksheet so that you can work along with me during the podcast, and do the activities I'll be walking you through. Get it through this link: www.growingself.com/start-strong.

Learn more about any of the other tools, free information, online classes and programs I referenced on my website: www.growingself.com.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Are communication issues making your relationship feel hard? Most couples who arrive in couples counseling tell me that they want to improve communication in their relationships. The tricky part is knowing what's at the root of "communication issues," which can have so many causes, from people pleasing, to emotional reactivity, to defensiveness. Usually the answer is a combination. 

If you would like a new perspective on communication challenges, this episode is for you. I hope you find it helpful. 

Love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — If you would like support from a good couples counselor to improve communciation in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

Are you in an Unhealthy Relationship?

All couples go through a rocky period in their relationship. They may grow distant from each other and encounter problems that seem to be impossible to overcome. It is agonizing to decide whether or not to save a relationship because we never know the possibilities. How will we know when our relationship is worth saving?

I'm joined by Marriage and Family Therapist, Brittany S.. Today we are discussing healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. What to look for and how to heal.

Join us!

- Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com

We have all been through so much this past year, and are hopefully on the cusp of rebuilding. My guest today is author Eileen Hamra, who has a powerful message reminding us that within every loss are the seeds of renewal and rebirth. 

She's here to share her story, and her wise advice for how to heal through grief, how to rebuild your life after setbacks, and most importantly, how to love after loss. 

Join Us, 
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

🌟 Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of life? You're not alone. Today, we're delving into the art of simplifying your life... by getting clear about your mission and purpose

Here's the truth: Simplifying isn't just about decluttering your space. It's about aligning your daily life with your core values, leading to a more fulfilling and less frazzled existence. How? That's what you'll learn in this episode!

🔹 Special Guest: Today, I'm thrilled to have Bonnie Wan, author of “The Life Brief: A Playbook for No Regrets Living,” sharing her insights with you, on how to create a life of clarity and purpose. 

🔸 Key Discussions:

• Clarifying Your Values: You'll discover how to identify and focus on what truly matters to you.
• Time Management Strategies: You'll learn how to make strategic choices with your time, aligning your daily activities with your core values.
• Organizing Your Space: You'll understand the impact of your physical environment on your mental well-being and how to organize it for clarity and focus.
• Evaluating Relationships: You'll gain insights into how to nurture relationships that contribute to your happiness and well-being.

🌈 Takeaway: This episode offers practical advice and deep reflections on how to streamline your life, not just in terms of tasks and belongings, but in a way that resonates with your deepest values.

💡 Explore More: Don't miss my “Moving Forward Fearlessly” collection of articles and podcasts for more advice on living with intention.

Happy New Year!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

#SimplifyYourLife #PersonalGrowth #Podcast #LifeCoaching #DesignYourLife #DrLisaMarieBobby #LoveHappinessSuccess

I want you to be successful at creating the change you desire in this new year. So for that reason, today's episode is all about how to find and lovingly cultivate one solid keystone habit.

This surprisingly simple technique launches a chain of successes that will carry you forward. Join me and learn how to make great things happen — the easy way!

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.GrowingSelf.com

Is "Be in a fantastic relationship" your #1 resolution for 2016?

You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life.

Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like:

1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?

2) What are things you can do to make it a great first date... that leaves them wanting more of you?

3) How can putting a priority on "chemistry" distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?

4) What's going on with people who just "disappear" after the first date?

Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.

Learn more about Jessica on our website: www.growingself.com. Interested in Jessica's dating coaching class? Learn more about "Let Love In" -- it starts on January 11th!

How to "Find the One" in 2016: Listen Now

Music Credits: Shocking Blue, "Send Me a Postcard"

On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong. 

If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, always meddling on the edges of your relationship… and sometimes high-jacking it completely. No matter how in love with each other you are, or how committed to your partnership you feel, it’s hard to be moved from place to place because of distant orders that you had little or no say in. It’s hard to have a career that takes you away from your partner and your children for extended periods of time. It’s hard to take care of everything on the home front by yourself, especially if you’re stationed far away from family and friends. 

And it can be especially hard to find a marriage counselor or a long-distance relationship counselor who understands these unique challenges, and how to help military couples overcome them. Luckily, we have just such an expert joining us on this episode of the podcast. Jesse S., M.S, LMFT, is a marriage counselor and relationship coach here at Growing Self. He’s also a member of the military with over two decades of service, currently serving in the Connecticut National Guard as a First Sergeant in the 141st Ground Ambulance Unit. In addition to treating bodily wounds, he’s passionate about helping other service members heal and grow as individuals, and within their relationships. Today, he’s sharing his insight and guidance with you. I hope you’ll join us!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within.

Attaining Empowerment

On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including:

• Mindful self-awareness
• Building self-loveand self-compassion
• Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation
• How stress can impact your empowerment
• The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings
• How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible
• Trusting yourself
• How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love
• Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation
• How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships
• How to not fear your own power

I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment

We've all been there: Your partner says something that just inflames you, and you say something you regret later. Or you instinctively defend yourself and withdraw when things get tense, rather than leaning into a healthy and productive courageous conversation.

We all know that being able to react vs. respond is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships. But that can be easier said than done in the middle of a heated conflict. 

When you’re frustrated, hurt, or stressed, you might raise your voice, say something you don’t mean, or make an impulsive decision with long-lasting consequences. All of this is bad news for you and for your relationships.

But learning the art of being responsive versus reactive leads to deeper, healthier connections, and a life that’s directed by your true values. 

That's what we're talking about on today's show. I hope you'll tune in!

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

growingself.com

Are there emotional vampires lurking all around you? 

Unfortunately, this isn’t a problem you can solve with a garlic necklace or some holy water. An “emotional vampire” (or “energy vampire”) is a very unscientific term for a person who stirs up strong emotional reactions in others — like anger, pity, discomfort, or annoyance. Not only do they not take accountability for this, they seem to feed off of it. They drain your time, energy, and emotional wherewithal, and give you little in exchange. 

If a relationship is feeling bad, it could be that you’re dealing with one of these exhausting personality types. But sometimes, it’s more about the ingredients that you’re bringing to the table (or not bringing to the table). Many people need some help telling the difference, and I created this episode about “warding off emotional vampires” to make it a little easier. You’ll learn why certain people trigger you (while other people get along with them just fine), and how you can prevent emotional vampires from bleeding you dry. 

Happy Halloween, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com 

Many people get involved with therapy or life coachinghere at Growing Self in order to improve all their relationships — not just their romantic partnerships or marriages. Let's face it: Friendships can present their own unique challenges.

If this is an area of growth for you, too, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. I'll be discussing:

• Why friendships end
• How the dynamics of friendships are similar to and different from romantic relationships
• How to mend a friendship that has been feeling strained
• What to do about toxic friendships
• How to cope if you've been ghosted by a friend
• The path of healing after an unexpected friendship loss
• How to end a friendship compassionately
• How to change a friendship if you need different boundaries with a friend

I hope these ideas help you strengthen your friendships and keep healthy people in your life!

xoxo, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, LP, BCC

Ps: Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Here's the link to join the discussion at GrowingSelf.com

Intentional Living: Without and Within

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast (as well as other episodes to come), I'm providing you with new ideas and growth activities that will help you move yourself forward on a deep level, while the world around us stops.

To begin, I'm speaking with my dear Olivia, the mastermind behind Decluttered Intentions, about simple things you can do to:

• Create organization and order in your personal space
• Cultivate spaciousness and peace inside of yourself
• Release the opportunity to bury yourself in busyness
• Understand your patterns and ways of relating to the world
• Create order in your routines
• Curate your thinking patterns in a way to create gratitude, appreciation, and contentment.
• Connect with your dreams so that you can design a sanctuary within your home that nourishes you from the inside out.

I hope that these ideas and activities help YOU use this special, quiet time to move forward on your journey of growth.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: One of the resources I mentioned in this episode is my "What's Holding You Back" assessment, that gives you insight into your personal strengths and growth opportunities in a variety of domains. Text "GROW" to 55444 if you'd like to take it. xoxo, LMB