Launching Your Daughter (Nicole Burgess, LMFT)

In today’s episode I discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, discouraging statements and self-reflection. Being a teenager can be challenging because they are wanting to feel accepted, step into their own identity but are still trying out new behaviors or beliefs, and wanting to feel successful and that they are enough. Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors can role-model encouragement to improve self-esteem and use language that supports the teens in their life.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep71

In this episode you will learn: What discouragement can look like or sound like from your teen daughter Praise vs encouragement language PCIT-Parent-Child Interactive Therapy for parents of young children and how labeled praises is encouraging for compliance vs good or bad child Family meetings episode 2-help in decision making process Reflecting on what your expectations are for your teenager-overly ambitious which reinforces she is not enough or accepting her where she is Previous conversation with Neil Brown PhD (episode 58)-power struggles and faith in your child Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Exploring your own values and hers-check out episode one Encouraging her effort and improvement Focus on her strengths vs only focusing on the negative behaviors Stating what you appreciate about them (in any relationship) Embracing being imperfect as a teen and parent Examples of encouraging statements Build self-esteem: give them responsibility, have faith in them, s how appreciation for what they are doing at home, ask them for suggestions and feedback about family decisions, help them accept mistakes they made-episode 32 discussion with Lisa Damour, PhD reflect on her progress and process look at positive expectations without rescuing Reframing, zooming out, and helping her with different possible perspectives Parents reflect on how do you encourage yourself?

Today’s guest is Matt Hart who is from southern Indiana. Matt has been a high school Theatre, English, Speech and Debate teacher for just over 20 years and also served as a theater director at Gibson Southern High School. More recently Matt has chosen to pursue an endeavor he is passionate about speaking to people about bullying. He gives a 45 minute presentation entitled “reACT to Bullying” to various schools across Indiana and continues to reach more schools through out the country to help educate and stop bullying in our schools.

In this episode you will learn:

• Matt’s personal story of being bullied
• What is bullying
• How to stop being bullied

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and support/tips for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and iHeartRadio.

Welcome to the Launching Your Daughter Podcast, today’s guest is Lynn Lyons, LICSW who is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who lives in Concord, New Hampshire and is in private practice there. In today’s episode, Lynn talks about how she became involved with this work, why your daughter shouldn’t avoid disappointment and hardship and ways to improve anxiety issues within a family. For 27 years, Lynn has specialized in the treatment of anxiety disorders in adults and children. She is an international speaker and trainer on the subject of anxiety, its role in families, and the need for a preventative approach at home and in schools. With a special interest in breaking the generational cycle of worry in families, she is the co-author of two books on anxiety, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children, and the companion book for kids, Playing with Anxiety: Casey’s Guide for Teens and Kids. Her latest book, Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and Delivering Effective Interventions is a how-to guide for helping professionals looking to incorporate hypnotic strategies for the treatment of depression, anxiety, medical procedures, pain, and sleep. 

In this episode you will learn:

• The subtle changes parents can look out for with anxiety
• Ways in which for parents to get more awareness of what they’re saying
• The three X's in managing anxiety

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep55

Today’s guest is Dr. Melvin Varghese a psychologist in Philadelphia, PA and host of the popular podcast Selling the Couch. He is a colleague and my mentor in this podcasting journey. We discuss what perfectionism looks like from a male perspective, how it impacted Melvin growing up and how he manages it as an adult. One goal of this episode is to continue to raise awareness how perfectionism not only affects women, but men too and ways to challenge old thoughts/stories we tell ourselves. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• How Melvin recognized perfectionism beginning as teenager and ways it manifested
• How he manages those behaviors and thoughts now
• Continuing to challenge societal beliefs about what it means to be a man

Embracing imperfection

• Men sometimes wear perfectionism as a badge of honor
• Society seems to have a double standard for men
• “When I hold this truth and embrace these imperfections is when others can see our humanity.”
• Give ourselves permission to feel both negative emotions and positive emotions
• Step into our growth edge
• Melvin shares how as a teenager perfectionism manifested in behaviors
• His family moved to U.S. when he was in second grade
• Wanted to do well academically for my parents and brother
• He identified his self-worth with his grades
• Began to manifest in some obsessive/compulsive behaviors, such as, how items on his desk were arranged
• Our minds can go to one extreme or other i.e. “I won’t live up to my potential” More pressure on teens today
• Can impact their views of self-worth Reminding them they are okay and failures are learning opportunities
• As an adult When he first created his business old perfectionism thoughts returned and he recognized fear of not being liked
• He combated perfectionism with:
  • Setting time limits for activities
  • Reminded himself-not about being perfect but about embracing imperfection
  • Using “both”/“and” vs “either”/“or”
  • Gaining self-awareness regarding old thoughts and beliefs
  • “I can put information out there and may not resonate with everyone and that is ok plus I can continue to tweak/modify as I go.”
  • Wants the world to see him as who he is

Self-Care skills:

• Has consistent morning routine
• Does 30 minutes of exercise
• Listens to TED talk Has meditation routine
• Plans day with 1 to 3 tasks
• Breaks day into 30 minute chucks
• Gets 8 hours of sleep each night

Recommendations:

Sue Johnson-Hold Me Tight

Brene Brown-The Gift of Imperfection

Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.-The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Melvin’s Information:

Website: http://sellingthecouch.com/

Coming soon for entrepreneur: http://melvinvarghese.com/

Today’s episode I share my recent experience at a conference in Washington D.C. where over 4,500 mental health professionals from various parts of the world gathered. I discuss visiting different Smithsonian museums and how the people and our past events impacted me. My invitation to parents and caregiver to seek to understand from your daughter vs creating division in your differences.

In this episode you will learn: 

• The message from Brené Brown and William Doherty is about sharing our vulnerabilities and seeking to understand 
• Slowing conversations down with your daughter and creating a family foundation of love and understanding
• Encouragement for parents in accepting their imperfections and continuing to empower your daughters 

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay up to date and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.

Today’s episode is for all the dads who are listening and raising adolescent girls. Whether you are the biological dad, step-dad, male figure in her in life this episode is dedicated to you. At the time of this recording, next Sunday is Father’s Day here in the United States. Dad’s I know this stage of development for many teen girls can be challenging because she begins to pull away from parents. My hope is after listening today you find encouragement in staying connected with your daughter or daughters. I want to begin by stating how my Dad has impacted my life and continues to along with sharing some insight from a colleague, Sovann Penn, about his experience with his daughters.

Sovann is a licensed professional counselor and health coach in Portland, OR. He offers pre-marital and couples counseling. Along with Individual counseling for anxiety, depression, insomnia, sleep disorders, sexual addiction, porn addiction, career, transitions, grief, burnout, personal growth.

In this episode you will learn:

• How Nicole’s father impacted her as a teen and as an adult
• Supporting your daughter as a teenager is different than as a child
• Sovann shares how he shares his love for his daughters
• Staying connected is the key for both Dads and their daughters 

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep59

On todays episode we are discussing how Laura Reagan's certification as a certified Daring Way^TM  facilitator not only assists in creating deeper connections in her groups, but how it helped her be a better clinician and can be used in individual therapy. The Daring Way^TM certification program is based on a shame resiliency model created by Brene Brown. It is about identifying how shame shows up in your life, building resiliency to it and how to show up authentically in your relationships.

Parenting can be very vulnerable because we want to show up as if we have all the answers. If you can allow yourself to be vulnerable and to be imperfect, it is a great role model to your children. Laura discussed in her own community how external pressures have increased on adolescents regarding academic achievements, being in sports, being the best in the sport and having high achievements. Being able to role model that you are not perfect, don’t need to be perfect and it is ok to do your best, but not be perfect, creates deeper connections with your children and your partner.

Today teens are trying to look good for pictures and will repeatedly take a photo until they get it right. The expectation is that you better look good, your teeth need to be white, you need to shave off that weight, and you see same smile on every picture vs seeing the true emotion of the person. It is normal to feel awkward or unsure of yourself at this age. Our society has an expectation that girls need to look like models or look a certain way. The message is you matter if a you look a certain way. It is not a conscious process with the girls. This is harmful if your belief is how you look on the outside defines your worth. As an adult woman if you heard messages from your mom about her being concerned about her looks or her weight, it can get internalized and becomes your adult inner critic. You have to live your life as yourself vs expectations of the world or your family.

The Daring Way^TM is a psychoeducation model. This model was designed to be done with groups because it is about creating deeper connections. Group work can be powerful because you can relate to others, feel seen and heard and supported. If a person has unresolved trauma they may need individual work first, then as they feel more confident, do the group work.”

Laura currently does adult group work with this model. The biggest barrier is adults hear her work, but hope that therapy will be fast. When you haven’t been someone who has given yourself permission to go inward and have been falling into perfectionist behavior or people pleasing, giving yourself that much attention and focus might be foreign to you. The person may show up thinking it is a quick fix, but Laura does deeper inner work so the person can be transformed and do group work.

Some of the benefits of this type of work is giving yourself permission for self-care, doing inner work and role modeling to children that it is ok to invest in yourself and for you to show up authentically in your relationships. You can have deep meaningful connections when you do this inner work. When there is a change in the system the whole system changes. This model works well for both women and men. You can gain a deeper connection to self, discover your inner wants/needs and can communicate that with your partner and children. It can also help children feel seen and heard and that they are enough.

Laura uses this parts of this model in working with teens. She takes it from good/bad, failure/success, to you were brave and showed up in front of people, and the outcome doesn’t matter. Our constructs are made up. Life is are you learning, are you growing, and living a life that is fulfilling and meaningful vs achievement.

The certification process helped her identify barriers she used to have as clinician and after training it allowed her to be herself, be authentic and vulnerable, not where her clients are taking care of her, but her being more transparent with them.

Laura recommends mindfulness-getting grounded and being in present moment and self-compassion practice. What I learned in Daring Way^TM training, you are separate from others when you are judging them thus you're judging yourself. When you judge yourself it gets in the way of self compassion. When you have more self acceptance of yourself, you will have more compassion and acceptance of others. Self compassion is key to connectedness.

Laura’s information: www.laurareaganlcswc.com and Therapy Chat podcast (on iTunes, Stitcher and Googleplay)

For more information on Brene Brown’s book please visit my resource page on http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Welcome! Today’s guest is Mercedes Samudio a licensed clinical social worker turned parent coach. She is located in Huntington Beach, CA. Mercedes passion to help end parent shame and empowering families comes through clearly. In today’s episode she shares her work with families in discovering their strengths, areas they are needing support and giving them tools to help navigate the tween and teen years. We also talk about perfectionism and how that impacts parenting and your teenager.

In this episode you will learn:

• Mercedes speaks to parents in discovering and unlocking their unique parenting powers
• She takes what the families know, explores what they need and teaches how to implement the tools she gives and what they learn on their own
• Tween and teen parenting-more exposed with technology which changes their level of development
• How to understand these development stages
• What your tween/teen should be developing
• • Normalize changes
  • Helps parents guide child in healthier ways
  • Teachs communication skills
• Trained in Nonviolent Parenting by Ruth Beaglehole
• • You as a parent help build up child development
  • Foundation is both are humans and learning to navigate this journey together
• We all want to be seen and heard
• Mercedes developed “Ending Parent Shame” programs due to parents feeling shamed by others
• She wants to create a culture when we don’t treat parents that they or their children have to be perfect
• Help them learn being a parent or being a child is the journey
• Unlearning old family belief systems
• Learning healthy ways of connecting is foundation of family
• Ending the strive for perfection because it doesn’t exist
• Common wants of parents:
• • Want kids to listen
  • Want others to see this beautiful child
  • Help model to children ok to have frustrations through connection
• Shame proofing Parents
• • Flaws, strengths and all is family, not the dysfunction
  • Stopping the comparison of Pinterest posts, Facebook posts, etc
  • Fantasy of perfection
  • Ending the comparisons to other parents or families
  • You don’t know the behind-the-scenes for them to get to where they are at
• Recommendations:
• • Put down the parenting books
  • • Look at your children
    • Both their strengths and weaknesses
    • Books are good foundations, but real knowledge comes with who you interact with
    • Also building in when your teen fails or makes bad decisions creating resilience

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. 

Website is http://launchingyourdaughter.com

I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Mercedes’s Information:

www.theparentingskill.com

Today's guest is the creator of Talk Sex with Me Tara Spears. In this episode, Tara talks about the difficulties of talking about sex with teenagers, the importance of knowing your own values and reasons why parents themselves may struggle to talk about sex with their teenagers. Ms. Spears graduated with a Master’s Degree in Counselor Education from the University of Central Florida in 2005. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist. She has over ten years of experience working with individuals, children, families, and couples encountering a variety of hardships in life. After spending most of her career responding reactively to situations or intervening after a crisis (i.e. a child’s removal from the home, failed adoption, and the aftermath of abuse), Ms. Spears decided to take a more proactive approach. For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s guest is Chonteau McElvin and she is located in Winter Garden, FL. Chonteau is often called a Modern Day Medicine Woman and she has been empowering women to tap into their inner wise woman for over 20 years. Chonteau spent over half of her social work career empowering and teaching teen girls about mindfulness and the importance of sacred ritual. She now has a thriving intuitive coaching practice where she supports mostly women, awaken their authentic selves through archetypal awareness, energy medicine and other shamanic healing methods. She recently founded Soul Care University, a distance learning and virtual healing center that focuses on one's soul nourishment and self care through the sacred healing practices of nature therapy, mindfulness, and ritual. Chonteau continues to teach mindfulness to teen girls and is working on an e-course The Mindful Diva-Meditation and Moonbeams For Teen Girls. Chonteau brings Folk Healing to a modern world that desperately needs to slow down, reconnect to nature and cultivate self compassion.

In this episode you will learn:

• Purpose of doing mindfulness
• How supporting mothers impact their daughters
• What is herbal medicine

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s guest is Jonathan Singer who is an associate professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago's school of social work and the founder and host of the Social Work Podcast. He is the author of dozens of publications, including the 2015 book "Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention." Jonathan has been a practicing social worker for 20 years and has spent much of that time working with suicidal youth and their families. He's a Hoosier by birth and graduate of Earlham College in Richmond, IN. He lives in Evanston, IL with his wife and three kids. In this episode you will learn: Examples of how parents can communicate with their teenager about concerns of suicide Breaking a myth around suicide Resources available for parents, teens and mental health professionals Jonathan’s experience with working with suicidal folks He is a teacher and researcher Working with folks who are suicidal for years Uses family system perspective LGBT teens can be higher risk if there is no family support Trained in attachment based family therapy He described rupture/break between child and parents Uses a structured approach Explore both sides of where break happens Kids doesn't have to come to parent for everything except when kid is talking about suicide Statistics Stats are from looking at all Americans 43,000 suicides in 2014 Hard to compare state to state-can look at American Association of Suicidology which share data once a year 65 and older-rate is 16.6 per 100,00 or 21 suicides per day 45 to 64-rate is 19.5 per 100,000 or 45 suicides per day young is 15 to 24 yrs old-rate is 11.6 per 100,000 or 14 per day Thoughts of suicide are not normative Stats show 12% of kids up to age 18 yrs old have had thoughts of suicide Yet “normal enough” need to acknowledge kids talk about suicide Breaking a myth Breaking the myth that speaking about suicide will make person suicidal It is ok to bring up the topic with your child and explore if they have had friends talk about suicide Jonathan gives examples of what parents can say to their teen Role modeling shows you are not afraid to speak about suicide Want to connect with other parents vs manage by yourself Search Institute-40 Developmental Assets-shares positive indicators is parents in a community with other parents having shared parenting values Can seek support from other parents/friends on Facebook and know Facebook algorithms may not rank post high Jonathan discussed DOCZ app-which has peer support and health professionals available for parents needing support Find out your teen’s school policies regarding suicide and mental health management Does school have signs of strength (SOS) club? Do they do universal screening and if they have a concern what do they do? Jonathan discussed his book for mental health professionals The forms are useable and copyright goes with owner of book Can input data into forms Resources http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ http://www.suicidology.org/resources/facts-statistics DOCZ app http://www.crisistextline.org/ https://spsmchat.com/-Suicide prevention in social media Search Institute http://www.search-institute.org/content/40-developmental-assets-adolescents-ages-12-18 I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and their moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com Jonathan’s Information: Website: http://socialworkpodcast.blogspot.com/ Twitter: @socworkpodcast Facebook: www.facebook.com/swpodcast Email: jonathan.b.singer@gmail.com Book: Suicide in Schools: A Practitioner's Guide to Multi-level Prevention, Assessment, Intervention, and Postvention

At the time of this recording fall is here, which means here in the U.S. that holidays are approaching. For many people the holidays are filled with happiness and family gatherings. For some people the holidays may be filled with sadness and loss. If you have lost a parent, partner, family member, friend or a family pet, I will discuss some ways to cope with the loss.

In this episode you will learn:

• It is healthy to share your feelings and honor the loss
• Adults and children share and express grief differently
• Self-care and self-compassion are important during this time of season

Ways to Cope

• Talk to someone about what you are feeling or experiencing.
  • Some people are too uncomfortable with grief, so find someone who can listen to you.
  • If this is the first holiday without that person you may feel sad or lonely and sharing this with a trusted friend or loved one can help ease the pain.
  • Talk about what you miss about the person or what ritual you used to do together around this time.
• Create a ritual to acknowledge the person
  • Light a candle
  • Have a photo out during the celebrations
• Set aside some quiet time to reflect on that person.
  • Journal, cry, spend time looking at photos or watching home movie to allow yourself to feel the sadness and move through it.
  • After your quiet time is done, go do another activity.
  • Setting aside a specific amount of time can give you permission to feel the sadness, to continue to go in and out of the pain, without feeling overwhelmed.
  • Doing another activity after that can help you believe you are more in control of your emotions vs. the emotions overwhelming you.
• Remind yourself that family gatherings are not about perfection, but are about spending time with each other.
• It is ok to cancel the family gathering this year too. Be gentle with yourself.
• Adults experience grief and loss differently than children.
• Children are more in the present moment and my say ‘I miss Grandma”, then go off and play with other kids. It is normal and natural.

Seek professional help

• With time the symptoms of grief should decrease.
• If your feelings intensify, you are withdrawing from others, struggling with depression and it has been several months since the death, it maybe time to seek professional help.

Planning and preparing yourself

• What are you going to do to give yourself permission to have compassion for yourself and/or your children?
• Think of some ways now that can help you feel more prepared for the holidays.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” by Washington Irving

Book recommendations:

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

The Wheel of Life by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and Todd Gold

Contact Nicole if you are in Indiana or the Indianapolis area and seeking professional help. www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Today’s guest is Stacey Horn who is a personal development coach specializing in relationships, and a clinical hypnotist in Colorado. In this episode she discusses the power of introverts and how the different temperaments can affect relationships between parents and their teen daughters. In this episode you will learn:

• Stacey shares her personal experience of her relationship with her mom as a teen and how she is changing that with her daughter
• Ray W Lincoln’s book “I’m a Keeper” was recommended to her years ago and she has incorporated his teachings into her professional work
• She uses Temperament Sorters by Ray W Lincoln and focuses on strengths
• How do you restore your batteries?
  • Staying in or going out with others
  • Takes introverts longer to process and respond *How do you take in information of the world?
• Use of five senses is “S”
• Or through sixth sense is “N” *How do you make decisions?
• Thoughts and analysis is “T”
• Or how do I feel or how others may feel is “F”
  • Hear differences in peoples use of language “I think” or “I feel” *Lifestyle preferences
• “J”-make decision and move on; Clear sense of time
• “P”-like to keep options open or until all information is in; Different awareness of time
• Every client completes a temperament key 
• This helps tailor hypnosis treatment
• Four temperament categories
  • SP-someone in the moment
  • SJ-sensory and driven; and motivated by responsibility
  • NT-analytical and intuitive; techies; show little emotion but feel it deeply
  • NF-intuitive and feeling; healers, counselors, nurses; more of 6th sense-a knowing vs clearly defined
• Stacey is a NF (saw lot of gray area) and her mom was SJ (saw things as black/white)-struggled during teen years
• Wants to help stop the disconnect between mothers and daughters
• Benefits
• Short term work
• Work with individuals then may share results between mother and daughter in how to bridge differences
• Can refer clients to books to gather more information
• Shares personal example of her getting involved with substances as teen due to being highly sensitive. She sees similar substance use with her adult clients “using substances to self medicate that sensitivity.”Having this knowledge may help teens prevent them from going through this.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This helps raise the ranking of it, so others who may not have access to mental health services or support in their local community can find it.

This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio.

Stacey’s Information: www.StaceyHorn.com

Does temperament and hypnosis work

Book Recommendations: Innerkinetics by Ray W Lincoln- for parents

I’m a Keeper

I’m Still a Keeper

www.raywlincoln.com

Today’s episode I discuss Mother’s Day can be a time to celebrate and share how much you appreciate what you mom has done for you over the years. For others, it can be a day of sorrow, remembrance or pain. Whether this day brings you happiness or sorrow or pain, giving yourself permission to be where you and taking care of yourself is important.

In this episode you will learn:

• Sharing and celebrating what you appreciate about your mother
• Remembering and creating ritual around the loss of your mom
• Reflecting on a painful past and remembering the women who were like moms to you

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep54

Family meetings are important because they give your teen daughter an opportunity to participate in decision making and to learn the democratic process. Purpose of the meetings are: to make plans and decisions, solve problems, plan for family activities and provide support and encouragement. They are an opportunity for each person to be heard, have a chance to discuss and change decisions they maybe struggling with and can help settle conflicts. Eight steps in making the meetings productive: 1. Create specific day and time for weekly meetings, 2. Rotate a chairperson and note taker, 3. Establish and stay within time limits, 4. Everyone has a chance to offer ideas and suggestions, 5. Everyone is encouraged to bring up issues, 6. Come with solutions vs complaints only, 7. Opportunities to divide up household chores, and 8. Plan for family activities. Leadership skills taught in family meetings are assertive communication, reflective listening, brainstorming, creating structure,summarizing, getting commitments, providing feedback, direct interactions and encouragement. 

Today’s guest is Amy Pender owner of SRI Investing. Amy’s passion for breaking down economic barriers for women and girls shines through this conversation. She encourages parents to make money a non-taboo topic. I remember my parents talking about saving, investing and being money conscious growing up, which has helped me as an adult. I hope this episodes encourages you to have more dialog about money with your daughter.

In this episode you will learn:

• SRI Investing is a team of financial advisors and they specialize in helping people invest in companies whose processes and products are not harming people or the planet
• Old myth- if you invest this way you give up return but 20 years research shows otherwise

Statistics:

Pink Tax: 42% of the time products marketed to women cost more than those marketed to men and boys

Tampon Tax: Feminine hygiene products-no male equivalent-are treated as “luxury tax” in most states

Earners or Gender Pay Gap-

• Woman earn $.79 for every $1.00 of what man earns-regardless of education or occupation.
• Takes three extra months to earn same as man in one year
• Mothers typically earn $.73 for every $1.00 of men (or $.06 less, which means extra 5 months of work to earn same amount.)
• 40% of U.S. household with children have mother who is sole or primary earner.
• Research shows once men become fathers they see a 6% increase in earnings and women see 4% decrease per child
• Closing this gap has slowed and at current rate will take over 100 years to close.

Good statistics:

Companies who have three or more women on board of directors the statistics show do:

84% better in return on sales

60% better return on capital and 4

6% better return on equity

What can you do to educate you daughter?

• Talk about how money works
• Parents openly discuss differences regarding spending/saving and finding ways to compromise
• Share belief systems-what were you taught as a child about money
• Teaching budgeting and money management skills
• Teach about credit and what it means
• American Association University of Women (AAUW) teaches negotiating skills to women/girls
• Empower our next generation to change the salary gap Salary does not equal your self-worth
• Advocate on behalf of daughters through legislation
• Educate son’s on not penalizing females

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio.

Amy’s Information:

www.SRIinvesting.com (There are two i’s)

amy@sriinvesting.com (Best way to get a hold of her is through email)

Website and Book Recommendations:

www.aauw.org They have negotiating salary workshops

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Meet with a financial advisor. SRI investing does coaching with families and couples.

In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about mindfulness and a product I use that helps me meditate called Muse. Studies have shown that mindfulness and meditation can reduce anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and increase gray matter in our brains. The increase in gray matter can improve our brain health, cognitive abilities, and awareness. As we gain more self-awareness and are more in the present moment, then we are able to show up in relationships and fully listen. We are more able to respond to situations vs react to them, calm ourselves, and use healthier coping skills.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is mindfulness
• Review of Muse headband for meditation practice
• How this headband can help your teen and family

To see the full show notes visit http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to receive tips and tools for parenting a teen girl.

In today’s episode, I discuss ways parents and caregivers can either deepen their relationship with their teen daughter or create a bigger divide. Over the years teenagers have shared their frustrations with me about what their parents do or don’t do in building a relationship with them. These suggestions are areas to reflect on, discuss during family meetings, explore how to improve or change current behaviors both as parents or as teens. 

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep66

In this episode you will learn: Actively listening to your teenager without judgment or trying to fix Grilling your teen with questions Be mindful of not stereotyping your teen behaviors Chores, timing, hidden agendas and compliance Family meetings Conflicts and apologies-this is repair work in the relationship; embracing imperfections Social media-do NOT publish embarrassing photos or video about your child-causes shame, humiliation, and damages your relationship with your teenager Not sweating the small stuff and choosing conflict wisely Criticizing or nitpicking your teen daughter or giving feedback with love and respect Putting down your teens appearance vs self-expression Being on the phone, social media or with friends vs being with your teen Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Expectations at extracurricular activities-criticizing your child or belittling their performance Working together as a team vs placing the problem between your relationship

My guest today is Lisa Marchiano, is a licensed clinical social worker and Jungian Analyst. She has a private practice located in Philadelphia, PA and works with adults struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships issues, past traumas and grief and loss. She likes to work with myth, dreams and fairytales in her practice.

If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep70

Myths, fairytales and archetypes:

• Lisa discusses what it is to be a Jungian analyst
• Jung stated we don’t stop growing psychology-it is a life long journey
• Lisa shares her experience of being a mother and doing Jungian training
• Parenting has its challenges and it can help parents continue to grow

Why self-care is important for mothers

• Self-care can help mothers staying connected to themselves
• Motherhood can increase creativity
• Giving yourself permission to set time aside for creative outlet
• Can help you focus more vs trying to make the situation perfect
• Role models to children
• Creativity can feed our soul
• Split off from creativity due to motherhood
• Lisa shares how Rumpelstiltskin fairytale mirrors splitting off part of self and reintegration
• How JK Rowling’s childhood experience with her dad impacted her creativity and relationships Stories that were created from ancestors and challenging them
• Can nurture your creativity and children
• Changing from “either/or” to “both/and” language
• Being mindful of not making your children the excuse for not practicing self-care, staying connected to self or pursuing your dreams
• When we don’t make time for ourselves it can increase feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and depression

Today’s guest is Dara Hoffman-Fox who is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), gender therapist, speaker and author of “You and Your Gender Identity”. Her private practice is located in Colorado Springs CO. Dara works with transgender, gender variant, and gender questioning individuals.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a gender therapist
• What is transgender and non-binary
• How parents can support their child or teen
• Fears parents have voiced

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online event for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Today’s guest is Amy Morin who is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and a lecturer at Northeastern University. She is also a keynote speaker, parent teen expert and child discipline expert for VeryWell.com and best selling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. I watched Amy’s TED talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, recently and I am excited to speak with her today about how parents and teens can build resilience.

In this episode you will learn:

• Building your mental strength
• What locus of control means
• Role modeling your mental strength to your teen Taking calculated risks

Why Amy wrote a book

• Amy shares her personal story of the loss of her mother and husband and how it impacted her journey in becoming more mentally strong during tough times
  • She began to write articles after the death of her husband
  • She wrote a letter to herself about “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”, posted it on line “and it went viral”
  • Amy does speaking events in helping others “give up bad habits that keep them stuck.”
• “As therapists we focus on good habits and strengths, but also need to explore what keeps us held back.”
• The chapters give examples and at the end of each chapter there is “what’s helpful” and “what’s not helpful”.
• Chapter one “They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves” People get stuck on problems vs solutions
  • Need to look forward or how can I make my life better Amy shares how she had to figure out how to manage “the tough days” after her loses
  • Finding ways to be grateful for what you have vs what you lost Not dwelling on past, learn from it and move forward
  • Recognizing that you can control your mood
  • Allow yourself to feel emotions vs choice of staying stuck in it or leaning into it and move forward
• Chapter four is about locus of control (external vs internal and bilateral)
  • External locus of control-think outside forces dictate our lives
  • Internal locus of control-I have power over the things that happen to me
  • Bilateral-little of both You accept you can control your behaviors and other areas of your life you don’t have control over, such as other people’s behaviors.
• Raising mentally strong kids is being a good role model
• As you embrace these mentally strong concepts it helps your teenager
• Teaching your teen how to deal and cope with difficult emotions

Tip for Parents

• Being mindful of language you use because it can imply you are a victim For example “I have to” vs “This is a choice”
• Chapter six is about taking calculated risks
  • Decisions usually based on emotions vs exploring logic and seeing pros/cons of taking risk
  • Parents can help teens understand how their brains are changing and looking at risks/consequences vs reacting impulsively
  • Begin to face fears and tolerate anxiety, you can gain confidence
  • Parents you can reflect why your teen daughter’s friends maybe doing X behavior (i.e. feels good, is exciting) and why we need to look at both sides of good and bad of choice

As you practice these concepts, it can help not only you build resilience when tough times happen, but also help your teen daughter gain this skill.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Amy’s Information:

Website: www.AmyMorinLCSW.com

Her eCourse: http://amymorinlcsw.com/ecourse/

Her book: http://amymorinlcsw.com/book/

My guest today is Dr. Maggie Wray. She is a psychologist, mentor and life coach in the Atlanta, GA area. Maggie has Ph.D. in Neurobiology & Behavior from Cornell and is a success coach for teens and young adults. A fun fact about Maggie, she has a Bachelor degree in astrophysics from Princeton.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Getting the “why” in time management for your teen
• Training yourself to focus
• Planners, calendars, and organization

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep64

In today’s episode I am going to discuss family roles and how your teenagers can challenge them. Before I get into this I want to share a movie I watched recently called Tommy’s Honour. It is based on true facts regarding a father (Tom Morris) and his son (Tommy Morris) in the late 1800’s in Scotland. These two men are credited with being pioneers of professional golf. Tom wanted Tommy to take over the business of being greens keeper and the club and ball maker when he died. Tommy wanted to play golf and challenged not only his family role but unwritten rules of social class. Tommy and his father had various conflicts when his dad attempted to remind him of his role or place in life. Tommy not only changed professional golfers being paid fairly, but role modeled not letting prejudice or old beliefs systems stop him from loving the woman he married. Margaret (Tommy’s wife) had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and was banned from her church and Tommy’s mother wanted him to “never see her again” when she discovered this information. Tommy went against his mother’s advice and the towns. Toward the end of the movie, Tom makes a decision for his son vs allowing his adult son to make the choice himself, and it had a heartbreaking impact on Tommy. Tommy showed his Dad how we can love through the biases, not live to get other people’s approval and forgive others when they have made mistakes. In episode 65 Julie Hanks briefly mentioned if a family has an identity such as a ‘sports family’ and your daughter doesn’t like sports. In episode 49 I discussed how a psychotherapy conference earlier this impacted me and my hope for parents and caregivers are to stay curious and seek to understand the teen girls in their life ways vs dismissing or discouraging them. I am a big movie lover and have watched thousands of movies over my lifetime. I know there are other movies that demonstrate choosing to be different or standing up to challenge beliefs systems may not make you the most popular person in your family or your community, but not letting fear stop you from doing what you believe in. Parents and caregivers, I encourage you to pause and give yourself permission to explore what you think and feel when that teen girl in your life challenges the family or societal roles. Stay curious with her and seek to understand why it is important to her, what she wants from being an artist, engineer, athlete, or whatever she desires. Being beside her, owning your own fears without projecting them onto her, can help you stay a team vs placing the “issue’ in between your relationship. I invite you to invest in yourself through my coaching services at www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or find the show notes www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep69

Today’s episode I discuss why investing in yourself as a parent, caregiver or investing in your adolescent is important. I will also discuss the differences between coaching and psychotherapy.

Why investing in yourself or your daughter is necessary

• Everyone has their blind spots or shadows Investing in yourself is supporting your mind, body, and spiritual self
• Whether investing in coaching services or mental health services you are gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, where you want to be and/or healing past hurts, traumas or gaining support in improving your mental health 
• Investing in your daughter allows her to change current behavior patterns into being more confident or having an empowered mindset for her adult life 
• Healing from a traumatic event(s)
• Gain coping skills to manage worries and fears
• Learn skills sets in habits, communication skills, organization and more
• Making small or big changes impacts your future

Coaching vs Psychotherapy

• There are different kinds of coaching -Business -Parenting -Life -Health -Spiritual 
• Coaching does not treat mental health disorders or do mental health evaluations
• Confidentiality is different with coaching than medical or law confidentiality
• Life coaching is to create, develop and facilitate your personal, professional or business goals. 
• Life coaching is to develop and to implement a strategy, plan, and/or program that is designed to achieve your goals 
• In coaching, you are motivated and take responsibility for all your actions and decisions 
• There are certification programs for coaches, but not regulated as it is for mental health professionals 
• Psychotherapy or mental health counseling can diagnosis mental health issues and disorders
• Psychotherapy looks more at your past and/or family of origin issues 
• Mental health professional attends graduate program (either master's level or doctoral level), depending on state has a specific amount of therapy hours to achieve under supervision, then can take licensure test
• Mental health professional can offer both types of services but can NOT treat the same person under each service

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep60

Today’s guest is Jessica Paist who has her degree in marriage and family therapy and is located in Jenkintown, PA. Jessica is a teen therapist who specializes in empowering tween and teen girls. She uses a family systems approach, which means she supports the parents along with their daughters.

In this episode you will learn:

• How group therapy can empower adolescent girls quicker than individual therapy
• Girls gain awareness they are not alone
• Girls can support one another

To find out more check out the show notes at http://nicolecburgess.com/ep30

Welcome! My guest today is Dr. Melissa Dettore who is a psychologist and yoga instructor. She is  located in Philadelphia, PA.

Melissa offers a variety of workshops for adults and teens wanting to manage their anxiety or depression symptoms using yoga and mindfulness in her practice. She explains how mindfulness can change the brain and help in managing stressors in life. I have done yoga on and off for years and love how it allows for each person to focus on their breathing, become more aware of their body and moving into a pose. I find it to be a great way to do moving meditation. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Melissa. I think yoga and mindfulness can not only benefit teen girls, but support parents as well. 

In this episode you will learn:

• Melissa has been doing yoga and mindfulness for years
• Melissa shares a personal experience of how mindfulness and her yoga practice helped her through cancer treatment.
• Yoga and mindfulness have the following benefits:
• • Reduce stress
  • Reduce anxiety and depression
  • Create new connections in the brain
• Facts about yoga to address concerns:
• • Any body type can do yoga
  • Can go at your own pace
  • Do not have to have specific outfit to do yoga
  • We all have fears
  • Listen to your own body, creating a mind/body connection
  • Yoga can help parents role model to daughters about practicing mindfulness regarding our own judgements and expectations and letting them go

• Basic Foundations of mindfulness
• • Awareness
  • Being in present moment
  • Non-judgment and letting go of judgments
  • Beginners mind-looking at everything through new set of eyes and staying curious

• For teen girls-gaining skills around awareness, non-judging and acceptance are important
• Some of mindfulness and yoga practices are based in Buddhist philosophy
• Girls who struggle with “anxiety aren’t in present moment and worried about the future.If feeling depressed they are stuck in the past. Mindfulness they can begin to bring awareness back to here and now.”
• Mindfulness can help lower breathing rate, feel more calm, and can use these techniques before a test to reduce stress level or do some yoga stretches in the morning.
• Mindfulness “is like strength training-you want to build the mind muscles up.”
• During meditation it is normal for your mind to wonder and have thoughts
• • notice them and bring yourself back to breathing
  • Thoughts are like clouds in the sky, just let them pass by.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. 

Melissa’s information:

http://drdettore.com

Book Recommendations:

The Mindful Teen by Dr. Dzung Vo

A Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Teens by Amy Saltzman, MD

Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books

Yoga journal and http://www.yogajournal.com/?s=teen for videos

Today’s guest is NaKaisha Tolbert-Banks, licensed clinical social worker and addiction counselor, certified laughter yoga leader and certified empowerment coach in energy leadership here in Indianapolis, IN. She works with teen girls, adults and families to develop, strengthen, and enhance positive relationships with self and others through the understanding and use of laughter. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Why laughter is used during sessions 
• No she doesn’t tell jokes 
• Parents come in frustrated with their teen daughter’s behavior She works with them in stopping and reflecting on events and behaviors and may begin to laugh at themselves for how they responded
• Begin to change perspectives (both parents and teen daughter) 
• Embrace having “do-overs”-not about perfection in parenting or with being a teen girl
• Empowering families
• “When one person in your inner circle is suffering it affects the whole unit: same when person is feeling empowered”
• Working with millennials-parents teenage year experiences are different era than their daughter’s now 
• Social media has changed the landscape 
• She shares how relationships are built and setting up a family bonding time 
• Stay flexible during this developmental stage

Benefits:

• Laughter is beneficial-helps with good oxygen levels into the body 
• Helps decrease stress-refocusing, shifts mind, “shakes the dust off” 
• In time of stress need to find clarity
• Gets endorphins going
• Yes you can fun in therapy

NaKaisha’s contact information:

www.DUOGiggles.weebly.com

Twitter @1stladygiggles

Facebook: DUOEmpowermentServices

Phone: 323-977-8570

Email: ntblaughter@gmail.com

Other Recommendations: YouTube videos on Laughter Yoga Apps for phone: CALM or Headspace

My guest today is Janeen Herskovitz is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida and owner of Puzzle Peace Counseling, LLC.  She earned her Bachelor’s degree in Special Education from Rowan University in New Jersey, (1995) and her Masters of Arts in Mental Health Counseling from Webster University (2010). She is a trained as an EMDR Trauma Therapist, and writes as a Topic Expert contributor on Autism Spectrum at goodtherapy.org. She has been married to her husband, Joe since 1995, and together, they have two teenage children.  Janeen’s podcast, Autism Blueprint, covers a variety of topics surrounding autism in the home. In this episode you will learn: Signs of autism Other diagnoses that can occur with autism and why Support and resources for parents and their teens I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep63

Welcome! Today’s guest is Anne Halleck, licensed mental health counselor and certified yoga teacher here in Indianapolis. She works with women and teen girls providing trauma informed group yoga.

In this episode you will learn:

• Yoga has eight different stages
• Yoga is not only exercise, but increasing mindfulness and awareness Anne provides Trauma Informed Yoga groups for women/teen girls
• Eight weeks long
• Closed groups
• Psycho-education on what is trauma
• Some talk therapy
• Each week introduce new mindfulness practice (some yoga and more breathing techniques/meditation)
• Gain new skills to help calm the body and mind 
• Can process emotions during group and be held in supportive way in moving through intense or strong emotions 
• Anne had been doing group work separately and her yoga practice separately, then brought both modalities together for trauma work 
• Bringing awareness to the body can help reduce the stress levels and stop avoiding sensations that can seem scary
• Benefits of trauma informed yoga:
  • Gain awareness of emotional and physical self 
  • Stop the avoidance of feeling the emotions 
  • Decrease avoidance of autoimmune issues, chronic pain or eating issues 
  • Build confidence 
  • Talking and practicing the skills 
  • Increase distress tolerance and self-soothing
  • Increase awareness of your self-talk
  • Be more in the moment, present
  • Help getting unstuck out of freeze mode
• Yoga is for every body type 
• Yoga is a mindfulness practice not necessarily a religious practice 
• Gain confidence in giving yourself permission to be vulnerable in a group and decrease minimizing or comparing what you have experienced.
• Trauma can be:
  • Major losses
  • Emotional trauma
  • Abusive relationships
  • Neglect
  • Natural disasters
• Symptoms can include: 
  • High anxiety 
  • Flashbacks of event 
  • Re-experiencing trauma
  • Being on edge 
  • Avoiding things that remind you of the trauma
• Some statistics for women: 
  • 1 out of 4 women is sexually assaulted in their lifetime (CDC states 1 out of 2 women experience sexual violence victimization) *
  • Of the 1 out of 4, 70 percent have a trauma prior to 18 years old *
  • Many sexual assaults happen by someone the family knows or acquaintance
• It is possible to get unstuck and regain your confidence

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Anne’s Information: @AnneHalleckCounseling on FaceBook annehalleckcounseling@gmail.com

Book Recommendations:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Overcoming Trauma through Yoga:Reclaiming your body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, PH.D.

Other websites:

https://www.rainn.org/statistics http://www.ncadv.org/learn/statistics http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html

At the time of this recording high schools and colleges are beginning again. This can be both an exciting and nervous time for both teen girls and their parents. In today’s episode I want to explore creating rituals around your daughter preparing to graduate high school this year and going off to college next year or moving out of the family home. If she this is her first year at college I will be sharing some ideas to support her and you (the parents) in this change.

In this episode you will learn:

• There are various rituals all over the world that acknowledge, celebrate or reflect transitions in life. (Sometimes referred to as rites of passage.)
  • There are graduation ceremonies and open house parties for when your teenage daughter graduates high school 
  • We have funeral services to celebrate and remember those we loved
  • We have rituals around the change in seasons
  • One area I notice that seems to need a little help is creating a ritual within the family system to help with the transition from high to college or into young adulthood. 
  • This is a time for both your daughter and you where you maybe excited and nervous about the up coming changes 
• You may also feel sadness and loss, which is normal because one chapter in life is closing and another one is opening.
• Sometimes the sadness gets over looked or it can come out as anger Transitions are about personal development 
• Transitions involve grieving -of what you had, -of expectations that may not have occurred -of moving forward in what is to come

William Bridges in his book called Transitions states transitions involve an ending, a neutral zone and a new beginning. *

During the ending phase -

• Disengagement-“we find ourselves periodically being disengaged either willingly or unwillingly from the activities, the relationships, the settings, or the roles that been important to us.” 
• Disidentification-“In breaking the old connections to the world, the person loses ways of self-definition…most people in transition have the experience of not being quite sure who they are any more.” 
• Disenchanted-“But there is still the reality in that person’s head-a picture of the “way things are,” which ties the person to the old world with subtle strands of assumptions and expectations.” For example: parents sometimes lie for fear of being imperfect, friends let you down, etc “Many significant transitions not only involve disenchantment, they begin with it.”
• Disorientation-“One of the first and most serious casualties of disorientation is our sense of and plans for the future.” He states this part “affects not only our sense of space but our sense of time as well.” 

Neutral Zone is a “temporary state of loss” 

• Here you need to surrender-“the person must give in to the emptiness and stop struggling to escape it.” 
• Allow yourself to go inward. Bridges suggests setting aside alone time, writing your autobiography, writing about what you want in your life and think about what would be unlived if it was your last day. I suggest quiet time to my clients so the can continue to explore more of who they are in vs who they think they need to be

Making a beginning 

• “The lesson in all such experience is that when we are ready to make a beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity. The transition process involved an inner realignment and a renewal of energy, both of which depend on immersion in the chaos of the neutral zone.” 
• “Genuine beginnings depend upon this kind of inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for when we are aligned with deep longings, we become powerfully motivated.”

Rituals:

• Some ways to help with moving forward in the sadness and excitement is talking about it with one another. 
• Share your memories of times that made you laugh, your hopes you have for your daughter, ask her what she is hoping for and what she will miss when she is done with high school or moves out.
• Create a plan around having some quiet family time to reminisce or share favorite family meals together 
• Go out to her favorite restaurant or dessert place 
• Watch family movies together- It can be quiet entertaining to watch those past moments and help create a deeper family connection. 
• Ask her what she would like to do prior to moving out 
• Remind and encourage your daughter to stay in contact with her current high school friends when she leaves for college. Some of my teen clients think they have to establish all new relationships once they leave for college and think they can’t maintain their current friendships. Yes those relationships can change over time, but they do not need to end the friendships when they leave high school. Parents remember to keep having dates nights and spending time with other adult friends without your children 
• This is the time of letting go. Letting go of who you used to be and embracing the new you as your daughter moves on in her life 
• You have raised her, supported her, disagreed with her and loved her in the best ways you knew how. Now it is time for her to continue to branch out and spread her wings. “
• The ending of childhood is one part of the shift from life's’ morning (or dependency) to life’s noon (or independence). A second part of that shift involved establishing a separate identity, distinct from that of so-and-so child.”

School holidays or breaks: 

• Reflect and explore what is working and what isn’t with her. Find out if she is needing or wanting anything different from you or her support system 
• Continue to encourage and support her in her journey into young adulthood 
• Actively listen to her-you do not need to fix or do anything as she shares her experiences unless she is asking for advice (I will have a future episode in being present in listening) 
• Self care is important during transition 
• Allow yourself to explore or be curious on the other side of the change 
• There is an ending and a new beginning 
• As a therapist I have had the privilege of witnessing some pretty awesome family moments regarding creating rituals that fits for that specific family. Some just need a little nudge to say it is ok to this and sharing your feelings about the changes can be healthy process. You continue to role model to your daughter yo too have feelings about this transition and supporting her in her journey. 
• If you need more support I encourage you to seek counseling. If you are in the state of IN I offer both office and online or phone counseling http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com
• Book Recommendations: Transitions: Strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, and confusing times in your life by William Bridges

Welcome! My guest today is Rebecca Wong LCSW. Rebecca is a relationship therapist and professional consultant in private practice in New York's Hudson Valley where she lives with her husband, two children, and a few four legged mischief makers. She is the creator of Connectfulness, a relationship practice that she uses to help her clients and colleagues understand, manage, and value their own humanity as a tool to connect to themselves and all of the important people in their lives. She believes that our relationships are reflections of who we really are and every interaction is an opportunity for evolution. Every day she embraces life as a beautiful, messy, serendipitous adventure! 

In this episode you will learn:

• Rebecca works with parenting couples
• Why connectedness is important
• Play is relationship “glue”
• Happy relationships take practice
• Everyone wants to feel seen, heard and understood
• What is play and how to embody it In the context of a safe environment and relationship
• Connection with self improves connections with partners
• Different archetypes of play
• Creating and allowing mindful moments
• We also need disconnection moments Using equine assisted psychotherapy with couples
• Horses reflect patterns in couples
• Horses are asking a question when they approach a person and we try to figure out the question. (Same with human to human)
• Duality of using horses-they can intimidate us and can help us stand in our own truth
• Rebecca is beginning to to train her puppy in animal assisted therapy. She observes her dog’s behavior and reflects it back to the couple to explore possible patterns in their relationship.
• Animals can help humans be in present moment
• Need more kindness and it starts with ourselves
• Accepting our imperfections
• Slow down, tune in, and then can show up (self-compassion and self-care)
• Rebecca discusses Kim John Payne’s work-Simplicity Parenting
• If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Rebecca’s Information:

http://Connectfulness.com

21 Days Series-Collaborative email series with Rebecca, a meditation teacher and financial planner on your money stories

Book Recommendations:

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen, Ph.D.

Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel

Play by Dr. Stewart Brown

Today’s guest is Jennifer McGurk a registered dietitian nutritionist and certified eating disorder registered dietitian. Her practice is located in Nyack, NY. Jennifer believes that every client has different nutrition needs and what’s right for one person may not be right for another. She believes in intuitive and mindful eating, and structures her sessions based on lifestyle changes, behavior modifications with food, and creative and realistic meal planning strategies. 

In this episode you will learn:

• Jennifer works with adults and teens who have an unhealthy relationship with food or they want to change the relationship they have with food
• Nutritional food is for fueling the body and decreasing the cravings
• Gaining awareness of behavioral patterns or thoughts around food

For therapist and dietitians

• Need to begin to change what we consider normal in the media and change the language
• Discuss and recognize the negative “fat” talk-example “my cheeks are fat” or “I’m not beautiful”
• Begin to neutralize it with healthier thoughts, such as “those are my cheeks”
• Explore “What do I get out of that negative self-talk?”
• Negative self-talk can decrease confidence and self-esteem
• The number of sessions depends on what clients need or want from treatment and their level of commitment
• Dietitian helps with:
• Creating a food plan with the client Uses science and give specific recommendations of healthy diet
• Review behavior changes and the “why’s” behind behavior and food decisions
• Diet equals nourishment and life style change
• Research shows that those who skip breakfast eat more later in day
• Body slows downs, using brain energy at school and all this can create binging on foods after school/work
• Pack an apple and peanut butter, a smoothy or half a sandwich to eat for breakfast

For parents

• Talk about concerns or eating issues with your teenage daughter
• You may think “it will make it worse”, but if you have open conversations it can help
• Jennifer recommends F.E.A.S.T or http://www.feast-ed.org/
• Schedule an appointment just for yourself to begin the process and explore ways in communicating concerns about your teen
• Some prevention tips
  • Not talking about food as good or bad
  • Judging your own weight and making comments about it in front of your daughter
  • Don’t force your child to eat everything on their plate
• Today’s world we are emotional eaters, we use food as comfort
• Begin to use Hunger Scale
  • Rate your hunger from 1 to 10
  • One being extremely hungry
  • Five being neutral
  • Ten being you are Thanksgiving sick
• Can use app called “Rise Up” which is geared toward eating disorders, but can rate your hunger

Book Recommendations

Healthy at Every Size by Linda Bacon (http://www.lindabacon.org/haesbook/) Body Kindness book by Rebecca Scritchfield http://bodykindnessbook.com/ Rebecca’s podcast http://www.rebeccascritchfield.com/podcast/ Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Jennifer’s Information:

Website: http://eatwithknowledge.com/

For therapist: http://www.pursuingprivatepractice.com/ for book

Today’s episode is about teen dating abuse and violence. I know this topic can be difficult to hear, but I am encouraging you to listen because unfortunately this continues to be an all to common issue I see in my practice. In the past I co-facilitated a domestic violence batterer’s intervention group for teen boys. They had been charged with being physically abusive toward a partner or family member or a person and were required to attend a either a 26 or 52 week program for perpetrators. The agency I worked at had a group for teen girls and two different groups for adult males and females.

In this episode you will learn:

• Statistics of teen dating abuse and violence
• Warning signs of possible abuse or violence in the relationship
• How to help your daughter

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up to receive announcements about my local teen girls group and future online events for moms. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

My guest today is Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.  A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT with her husband and their 4 children. She enjoys spending time with family and friends, taking naps, reading, writing, eating a lot of chocolate.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep65 

For PDF on emotions: http://nicolecburgess.com/emotions/

Why write the book? In her clinical practice noticed young women didn’t know what to be assertiveness about, so wrote a five step process to assist women. “We are socialized to care for others.” Dr.Julie Hanks Vital for women to know themselves Women can lose themselves when focused on others only Fear of disconnection in relationship When adult women don’t know themselves - can project unresolved issues onto daughters About role modeling and connecting What is attachment theory and how it impacts assertiveness? Anxious, Avoidant and Secure Develop during childhood Can change through healthy relationships Psychotherapy can assist with developing more secure attachment Differentiation of self and why it is positive step Developmental stage where teen girls can challenge family identity What do I think, feel, want and need-can change daily Being able to label emotions-primary and secondary emotions Julie shares personal story about her and one of her daughters Tips Do your own inner work for both you (parent) and your daughter Self-Care role models to both sons and daughters to take care of themselves and when they are in relationships

Julie’s Information Download first chapter for FREE www.assertivenessguide.com Website: www.DrJulieHanks.com Social Media: @drjuliehanks 

Today’s episode I discuss why sleep is important for your teen daughters, how it is normal for adolescents to stay up later and want to sleep during the day vs adults and ways to encourage healthier sleep patterns. I enjoy sleep and know this an area of struggle for many families of teenagers. The adolescent brain is going through many neurological changes and poor sleep can impact many areas of your daughter’s life.

In this episode you will learn:

• How lack of sleep impacts your daughter’s physical, emotional and cognitive abilities
• Why teens are like vampires
• Healthy sleep hygiene or routines

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep57

Today’s guest is Katayune Kaeni, Psy.D., is a psychologist specializing maternal mental health and the creator and host of the Mom & Mind Podcast. She was drawn to this specialty after going through Postpartum Depression and Anxiety with her first child. Dr. Kat has a private practice in Claremont, Ca and runs a free pregnancy and postpartum stress support group in her community. She volunteers with Postpartum Support International as the area co-coordinator for San Bernardino Co. Dr. Kat works with San Bernardino Co.’s Maternal Mental Health workgroup to provide training to local mental health and allied healthcare providers. 

In this episode you will learn: 

• What are postpartum depression and anxiety 
• Symptoms to be aware of 
• Importance of opening the dialog up between moms and daughters regarding mental health issues or pregnancy issues

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. Or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep52

Today’s episode is words of encouragements from mother’s of adult daughters to mom’s of teenage daughters. Mothers from around the country shared what they learned when their daughters were teens and how these lessons help them create a strong bond with their adult daughters today. Being a parent of a teenager can be challenging and rewarding. It is a developmental stage in life, which means it doesn’t last forever.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Self-care is vital for mothers
• Firm but fair boundaries
• Self-compassion for yourself and parenting

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter with tips and tools in raising teenage daughters.

My guests today is Susan Sweet PhD and Brenda Miles PhD. Susan is a clinical psychologist and mother of two.She has worked in hospital, school, and community-based settings and is passionate about children’ mental health and well-being. Susan hopes worries never overshadow anyone’s dreams. Brenda is a pediatric neuropsychologist who has worked in hospital, rehabilitation, and school settings. Brenda has conquered her fear of writing, despite the risk of rejections, revisions, and writer’s block. As for her other fears, she’s still working on them. Susan and Brenda have co-authored Princes Penelopea Hates Peas: A Tales of Picky Eating and Avoiding Catastropeas, King Calm: Mindful Gorilla in the City, Cinderstella: A Tale of Planets Not Princes, Jacqueline and the Beanstalk: A Tale of Facing Giant Fears, and Chicken or Egg: Who Comes First? These books are written for ages four to eight.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep68

Why write the books? Worked together and decided to write a book about picky eating Retelling of fairy tales and combing psychology with creativity Early interventions helps build resilience and healthy habits. Picture books open up dialog and communicate in way for young children. Mental and physical health impact one another. Stories can help change thought patterns regarding eating habits and anxiety management. Fun to write and “our brains crave stories”-Brenda. Parent and caregiver notes in back of book What are concerns of parents? Parents want the best for the children, but put a lot of pressure on themselves. Parents wonder when should I address issue. Books are about non-judgment. Want skills to help children be successful. Times is limited so having two pages in back of book with condense information from vetted sources. Words of encouragement for parents. If your young daughter is struggling with anxiety it can be addressed and improved-we are able to rewire the brain with evidenced based practices. Anxiety can help keep us safe as long as it is manageable. Doesn’t reflect on skills of parents-anxiety is common and parents are not alone. Explore other factors that may contribute to anxiety symptoms.

Today’s guest is Daniela Paolone, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who practices in Westlake Village, CA. Daniela specializes in supporting people living with chronic pain, illness, anxiety, and depression. In today’s episode she shares mindfulness and emotional freedom techniques along with the science behind how these techniques can help manage symptoms. Daniela discusses how parents who have chronic pain or illness can stay connected to their daughter and ways parents can support their daughter if she has chronic pain or illness. Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her

Daniela completed her Masters in Counseling Psychology with a Specialization in Latino Counseling. After earning her masters degree she continued working with children as a behavioral specialist for children with special needs and/or emotional difficulties. At this time she also began working as an intern in private practice where she worked mostly with clients of diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds who were struggling with a history of addiction, trauma, intimate partner violence, divorce, and difficult life transitions.

During the episode, Daniela discusses the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a combination of counseling therapy and Chinese acupressure. Specific points on the body are tapped on by the client using gentle pressure while a conversation is gently guided on a particular emotion and life experience.

In this episode you will learn:

• How Daniela began her work supporting people with chronic pain
• The methods and ways she supports people dealing with chronic pain
• How the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) works

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s episode is for parents and the role they have been doing over the last year. Parenting is a full time job with both its challenges and rewards. At the time of this recording it is December and we await for the new year to begin. I am inviting all parents to set aside some time and reflect on your role as a parent. Most parents I work with struggle to see what they are doing well or celebrate how they have broken negative family patterns, such as abuse. So today I am asking you to get out some paper and a pen, set some time for you to reflect either by yourself and/or with your partner, and explore what went well for the year. What areas you may want to adjust/change for next year and what you are grateful for. Once you have done this you may want to encourage your daughters to do the same. Many tween and teen girls struggle with seeing their strengths, obstacles they have overcome and courage that is within them. You never know this may become a family tradition at the end of the year.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why reflecting is important
• Celebrating your successes and lessons learned
• What your daughter has taught you over the year

To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

My guest today is Dena Patton. Dena followed her dream to move to NYC at age 22 and built her own business at age 24 but after a minor stroke at age 27 she sold her marketing company and followed her calling to work with girls and women. She became a speaker, best selling author and coach who work with leaders and women entrepreneurs to help them build companies that make a great difference in the world. She is the creator of Greatness Leadership Academy and author of Igniting Greatness. In 2007 she cofounded the Girls Rule Foundation that offers 5 programs that help teen girls build leadership, self-confidence and bright futures. Her passion is to help women and girls know their worth, know themselves and know their valuable place in the world.

In this episode you will learn:

• Programs offered at Girls Rule Foundation
• Why leadership skills and empowerment for our teen girls is important
• How parents can teach leadership skills at home

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter. I share tips and tools for parents in supporting their daughters and announce upcoming events.

In today's episode, Nicole shares the changing of the podcast and future of Soulfilled Sisterhood. To stay informed please go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and sign up for the newsletter. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and feedback along this journey. Moving forward in bringing women together and how they are impacting our future generation of girls.

Welcome. At the time of this recording it is summer and many teenagers have part-time jobs. If you haven’t been talking about why it is important to save or have a budget now is the time. Ideally teaching your daughter from an early age is helpful, but if you haven’t it is ok. Today’s episode is not about financial advice, but gaining an understanding of your family beliefs around money and how to help set your daughter up to succeed in managing her money. I recommend speaking to an accountant or financial adviser for specific advice on financial planning.

Here’s what you learn in today’s episode:

• Create a budget with specific percentages of how much is saved, spent and given to charitable contributions
• Establish a savings and/or checking account for her at the bank
• Set-up a family meeting to discuss money management, creating a budget and meeting weekly to review how the process is going
• Teaching her budgeting skills now will assist her as an adult to be more financially savvy and feel empowered.
• Explore your own beliefs and values around money. What messages did you receive about money growing up and what messages are you giving your daughter?
• Read books on budgeting or money management from authors such as Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or others.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. Or go to http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com

My guest today is Kirsten Goffena who is a LPC (licensed professional counselor), RPT (registered play therapist), NCC (national certified counselor) and level 2 EMDR practitioner. She is the owner of Pathfinders Counseling LLC and located in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Kirsten offers various types of experiential therapy, such as play therapy, sand play, animal assisted, and works systemically. Systemically means she works with children and parents or the whole family. She has a newsletter in which she does “Life Hacks”. Today we are talking about how play therapy and animal assisted therapy, not only works with younger children, but with teenagers and families. Also how these two types of experiential modalities can help decrease anxiety and improve relationships.

In experiential therapy you are involving the whole being, which is a more holistic approach. “You are not just using your cognitive abilities or your mind, but using the body as well, sometimes called somatic, or the use of dance and movement.”

“Play therapy with young children works well because they don’t have the language. They can use the toys to express themselves. For children 12 and up I use play in different ways. I use art, music, sometimes we go out in nature and take the dog for a walk, which can help teens relax, and begin to trust the therapist.” Luna is Kirsten’s therapy dog and her presence helps everyone feel more relaxed and calm. Research shows animal assisted therapy can reduce anxiety.

Experiential therapy works well with teenagers.

Kirsten explained how play therapy can reduce anxiety with teenagers. “Anxiety is the number one issue I see these days. Trying to fit in, be the way society wants you to be, and pressures put onto them. They get to use their language in play therapy. Often parents will bring their children in and ask me to fix their child. The child then thinks there is something wrong with them. The experiential therapy I use can help them get to know themselves and hopefully get to where they value and love themselves. And where they can get to a place where they express themselves authentically in the world vs pretend to be somebody they are not, which is the underlying issue of anxiety or pressures.”

How does this process work with the parents? “I want to bring the parents into the process. Children are functioning within multiple systems and the most important system is the family system. I may see the child one week and the parents the next week or do a joint (family) session. Depends on the comfort of the parents and the issue. Children can show their parents what they are learning in session. Children want to be seen and heard.”  Kirsten states that “having their voice heard by their parents, in my presence, can be very empowering for the children and the family.”

Parents often feel vulnerable or have shame come up about their child struggling and Kirsten works with giving support to the parents. Kirsten began this career when her children were teenagers and observed parents being shamed. “Aren’t we all in this together? It is already difficult being a parent…All parents I work with are honestly doing the best they can and love their children unconditionally.” Part of our role is helping support parents in addressing their fears or old family beliefs. Kirsten also emphasized the importance of parents taking good care of themselves. She is treating the whole family, not just the child. “It’s permission to take care of themselves (i.e. parents). (Parents)Your self-care is role modeling to your children and that is huge…it helps the whole family, calming the nervous system of whole family.”

For more information about Kirsten and her work please visit http://pathfinderscounselingllc.com/

You can sign up for her newsletter called “Life Hacks” on her website.

Book recommendations:

Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (For young adult women in their 20’s)

Emotional Intelligence by Goldman

Daniel Siegel books

Play by Stewart Brown (Discusses why play is so important)

Welcome! Today’s guest is Amanda Campbell, licensed mental health counselor and life coach in Indianapolis, IN. She works with creating connection with distance couples and creating balance for busy moms. Today we focus her work in helping busy moms create a more organized life for themselves and their families. I also wanted to let you know I needed to mark the episode as explicit due to one swear word in the title of what Amanda is offering at the end of the show. There is no other swearing or cussing, but I wanted to share that with you so you know it is not throughout the episode.

In this episode you will learn: 

• Amanda explains the difference in counseling vs coaching services
• She works with busy moms who feel overwhelmed or stressed out
  • Whether mom works full time or stay at home with kids
  • Coaching can help with establishing goals, organization and positive perspective
• Amanda also offers working on goals of parenting and/or relationships
• She encourages family meetings (for more information on the importance of family meetings listen to Episode 2) and how the goals work for their family

Common Blocks:

• Mom’s may have expectations they have to do it all
  • Children are in many activities Need to have perfect meal plans
  • Amanda helps moms discern what they want in their life and what works for them
  • Establishing goals is looking at “is it realistic for you life”

Benefits

• Learn what organization is for your family 
• A system is created for your specific family needs
• How will it fit into your life Coaching packages
• Work two weeks on specific goals
• Organization is done around specific goals
• Doing a brain dump-write down specific tasks ,
• Break those down into smaller steps
• Helps keep things more manageable
• She uses Wunderlist and Evernote app 
• Separate daily and weekly To-Dos
• Do you like paper/pencil, wall calendars or technology or combo. Use system(s) that what works for you. 
• She does quiz to help understand where they struggle with time management
• Trial and error once you create a system. May need to be changed or modified. 
• System needs to evolve through different stages in life
• May change due to season, i.e.summer, when school starts or holidays
• It is self-created-make it what you want
• It is stopping the comparison factor with your life has to look like someone else's
• This creates feeling overwhelmed and perceived standard of “being perfect”
• Amanda gives personal example of placing an unrealistic expectation on herself and her family regarding birthday parties

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This helps raise the ranking of it, so others who may not have access to mental health services or support in their local community can find it. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. You can also listen through Facebook at Launching Your Daughter page.

Amanda’s Information: http://www.busymomslifecoach.com/ Sign up for her upcoming online coaching package: Becoming Super Woman: How to have it all without losing your S***

Book Recommendations: Brene Brown-Gift of Imperfection Cline & Fay-Parenting with Love and Logic

Today’s guest is Jill Castle, registered dietitian nutritionist, author, podcaster, speaker and mother of four teenagers. Jill works with families with babies up to young adults. She encourages parents to support and guide their teenagers in learning the life skill of cooking. Teen girls need this life skill to understand how nutrition impacts their learning, memory and moods and also gain confidence in sustaining themselves once they move out of the family home. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• A statistic states only 26% of today’s parents know how to cook
• Let teens experiment in the kitchen
  • they will burn food
  • they will create weird combinations
  • they will learn
  • and gain confidence
• Typically begin this skill by cooking or baking sweets
• Natural progression in learning skill
  • Baking-is a science and you follow recipes
  • Cooking-more flexible and more room for mistakes
  • Assembly of food-create salads, make own dressings, put together sandwiches
• Parents need to be supportive and there for their teenager daughter if they need guidance
• Keep communication open
• Maybe on weekends let teen be part of meal planning or preparing
• Girls may become concerned about gaining weight during this phase of life
• There is a healthy balance for each person and it is different for each person
• Need five cups of fruits/vegetables daily Structure eating vs skipping meals
• When teens skip meals they get hungrier later in day and can overeat
• Can reduce learning and retention when hungry
• Review where alcohol and sweets fit into diet, i.e. alcohol is a calorie source and diminishes the barrier to excess eating when under the influence

What you can do

• Simple food plans are okay
• Brainstorm families favorite meals
• Create meal calendar
• Have fun with cooking

Recommendations

Meal make over mom’s- http://www.mealmakeovermoms.com/

Their podcast is called Cooking with the Moms

Watch cooking shows or look at cookbooks for inspiration and ideas

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Jill’s Information:

Website: www.jillcastle.com

Podcast: The Nourished Child

My guest today is Natalie DeFay-Foster, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist at Integrative Art Therapy in Phoenix, Arizona. Natalie is a trained Clinical Art Therapist and specializes in working with adolescents, adults and families. I am excited to speak with her today in how art therapy can be beneficial in working with teen girls and their parents. In this episode you will learn: You don’t need any previous art experience to participate Art therapy can deepen and change family relationships Art therapy can improve communication and relationship skills between parents and teens

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter on some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms.

Welcome to Launching Your Daughter podcast. In this episode Nicole Burgess Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the host of Launching Your Daughter podcast introduces herself and talks about what to expect on the podcast. The podcast will discuss topics such as anxiety, depression, preparing for college, managing time and money, relationship issues, parenting, communication skills, mindfulness, and alternative psychotherapy approaches. There will be interviews with psychotherapists and other professionals, with the focus on empowering parents and their teen daughters.

Today’s episode I discuss how a spiritual practice can improve relationships with others and self, how it can help your daughter, what it is and what it is not and intuition. What is a spiritual practice? Spiritual practice can include religious practices Morality deals with issues of right and wrong Ethical system set of values or beliefs and how we conduct ourselves in social scenes or relationships Spirituality is the inner knowing, connection to universe or higher power, higher awareness Maslow hierarchy of needs-used the terms "physiological," "safety", "belonging" and "love", "esteem", "self-actualization", and "self-transcendence" to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through. Investing in yourself is supporting your mind, body, and spiritual self Journaling, meditating, chanting, taking walks in nature, body movement are all spiritual practices Why role model this to your daughter When young girls or women see their parents practicing “being” vs “doing” it helps give themselves permission to slow down Encouraging your daughter to have a spiritual practice can help maintain a connection to her own intuition and self-assuredness Can decrease the perfectionism or people pleasing behavior Can assist her in staying true to herself vs needing approval from others to follow her life's path  

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep61 Please leave a rating and review on iTunes

Welcome! Today’s guest is Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist in California specializing in treatment of eating disorders and addictions. She has a private practice in LA area for teens and families and is a consultant for a residential facility. Nazanin is a wealth of information regarding warning signs, the spectrum of eating disorders and the type of treatments available if your daughter is struggling with these issues. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• Focus on behaviors vs what adolescent says due to possible denial of an issue
• Teen may state as “I want to eat healthier”
• Warning Signs of potential eating disorder:
• Teenager getting and reading diet books
• Changes in eating behaviors (out of blue become vegetarian)
• Going to restroom during or after meal possible purging behaviors
• Spectrum from healthy eating and self-image to unhealthy eating behavior and self-image
• Unhealthy eating behaviors:
  • Losing significant amount of weight in short amount of time
    • Can cause long term negative medical issues
    • Possible Anorexia
  • Engaging in restriction of not eating food and doing purging behavior
    • Can be the form of over-exercising
  • Using laxatives
  • Self-induced vomiting (can be learned from peers and social media)
    • Parents become more aware of possible videos daughters are watching that show them how to purge
  • Binge eating disorder-eat more than one person would typically eat. Overeating than shame triggered after behavior
  • Avoidant Food Restrictive disorder-“picky eaters”
• Treatment options:
  • Speak with your partner and daughter about possible issues, then go to pediatrician who work with eating disorder
  • If medically stable can do outpatient therapy using family based therapy so whole family is involved
  • Residential treatment maybe recommended if not getting results from outpatient or pediatrician refers due to medically not stable, like low heart rate or low blood pressure
• Eating disorder are a combination of genetics, environment, school system environment, peers and more
• Teen in denial and need parent to take change to get help Anorexia can impact cognition and view of their world or perceptions
• Differentiate your daughter from eating disorder Maybe a perfectionist or star at school and this image can get in way of seeing issues
• Research shows 50% of women on diet.
• Body shaming in media can trigger shame
• Creating resilience and prevention:
  • Look at parts you like, what you are grateful for to shift mindset as a family
  • Have regular family meals-not only connecting but role modeling healthy foods

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Nazanin’s Information: www.oasis2care.com

Book Recommendations: Helping Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder by James Lock, MD, PhD & Daniel Le Grange, PhD.

My guest today is Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist and director of the internationally renowned Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls. Lisa pulls back the curtain on the teenage years and shows why your daughter’s erratic and confusing behavior is actually healthy, necessary, and natural. Her book Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, an instant New York Times best seller, explains what’s going on, prepares parents for what’s to come, and lets them know when it’s time to worry. I am excited to speak with Lisa today about her book and dive a little deeper in one of the chapters. In this episode you will learn: Why Lisa wrote the book Helping parents and teen girls prepare for the future Teenage development is not a personal affront to parents Preparing for the future Requirements and concerns have changed over last ten years These changes are not in alignment with normal development Creating stress for parents and teen girls Can create parents to be too involved Many colleges to choose from, so not a crisis unless parents want teen to attend their school or believe only a few good colleges Power Struggle with homework Allowing teen daughter to receive consequences for her choices in completing assignments or preparing for school tests May need to rule out learning disorder or attention issues Parents have choice of negative outcome or positive outcome depending on what they say or do Lisa shares with parents in giving themselves permission to make these “mistakes” when daughter is in middle school vs waiting until high school Allow your daughter to feel disappointment Teens can struggle with perspective and here is where parents can support her as she moves through this temporary feeling/moment in her life Normal development for your daughter to place autonomy over majority of issues Leverage becomes about removing freedoms/privileges Using her desire for autonomy to help leverage because you can’t “make her” do anything Tips from Lisa Not taking your daughter’s journey into teenage land as personal “Can feel like a breakup” because when she was younger she would laugh at your jokes then around 12 or 13 she no longer thinks your funny Normal development can be challenging and hard If she could rename the book she call it “It’s not about you” because teenage development can seem like a personal affront to parents and its not Parents give yourselves permission to grieve the loss of this change in your relationship with your teen daughter because it is a loss Seek support from friends and colleagues during this stage of life I have some upcoming announcements I will be making for both teen girls and their moms, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com to sign up for the newsletter. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Lisa’s Information: Website: www.drlisadamour.com Book: Untangled Guiding Teen Girls through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

In today’s episode, I am returning to a discussion about transitions in life. If your daughter is graduating high school or college this year, now is a good time begin having conversations around this change. Often we do not acknowledge the joys and sorrows that come with ending a chapter in our lives and creating dialog about this topic is important to help create a smoother transition. I also share the possible transition with this podcast and embracing changes.

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep67

Today's guest is Stuart Fensterheim, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, author and podcast host. He is located in Scottsdale, AZ. Stuart is a couples expert which means he works with couples having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another. He assist them in finding ways to deepen their relationship by understanding and sharing what each persons needs in the relationship. In today’s episode we are going to discuss divorce and how parents can navigate this with their teens. 

If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep72

What you will learn in today’s episode:

• Stuart shares his personal journey of experiencing divorce as a child and how he became a couples counselor,
• Emotional connection can make or break a relationship
• Changing one couple can positively impact the future generations
• Stuart shares his belief about how marriages can be saved He defines a “relationship injury” and the repair work
• How parents navigate going through a divorce with their children
• Have to do it without blaming the partner
• Remind your children they are not responsible for the divorce
• Depends on age of child and how much you share
• Parents have a conversation prior to speaking to children and create a plan
• Children may not have questions immediately Grieving is part of the process
• Parents “this is the time to use your resources”-other adults as support vs your children
• When parent begins to date again, ready to introduce your children to new person do in a neutral location
• Your daughter doesn’t have to choose between loving you or their other parent-she gets to love you both
• Father and daughter relationship can become stronger if there is a divorce
• Life can be beautiful-do the inner work

Stuart’s Information:  www.thecouplesexperts.com Couples Expert Podcast:  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/ YouTube Channel: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/video-blog/

Today’s Book Corner episode is on Amy Cuddy’s book called Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges published in 2015 by Little, Brown and Company; Hachette Book Group in New York. Amy was in a car accident when she was 19 years old and left her with a traumatic brain injury. Amy talks about how it left her feeling “anxious, disoriented, making bad decisions, not sure what to do next” in her life. Currently she is a Harvard Business School professor and social psychologist, known around the world. Throughout this book, Amy shares scientific research and interviews on the connection between our bodies and minds. How we can manage challenges and stressors in our lives through being present, more aware of body poses and small nudges can make a big differences. She defines presence as “..is the state of being attend to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential.” (p.24) She shares that when we are present we can: feel more confident be more authentic, help others feel more seen and heard, and have more personal power.

She discussed impostor syndrome, how most of us have felt this at one time or another and it is not just felt by women or specific demographics. “When we feel like imposters, we don’t attribute our accomplishments to something internal and constant, such as talents or ability; instead we credit something beyond our control, such as luck.” (p. 101)

Amy shares illustrations in the book on powerful vs powerless poses and how we hold our bodies impacts our thoughts and feelings. She shares some of William Jame’s research from the 1800’s on the body/mind connections. In her TED talk she shares doing the Wonder Woman pose and in the book shares a women sharing her and her family “starfish up” (standing with your arms above your head as if you scored a goal and your feet hip width apart.) If you are not feeling confident or struggling with anxiety, try standing in one of these poses for a minute or two and notice if you begin to feel different. Another body/mind connection she speaks about is yoga. In future podcast episodes I will share interviews with yoga instructors and how this can help reduce anxiety or depressive symptoms.

The last part of the book, Amy discussed how small incremental changes, or nudges, can lead to big changes in our lives. “Nudges are effective for several reasons: 1.Nudges are small and require minimal psychological and physical commitment 2.Nudges operate via psychological shortcuts, 3. Our attitudes follow from our behaviors” Remember the neurons that fire together wire together, which means when you do specific behaviors over and over those behaviors are reinforced.

As Amy states in her TED talk and in this book “Don’t fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it.”

I hope you have enjoyed the brief review of Amy Cuddy’s book. You can find a link on my resource page at http://launchingyourdaughter.com Or watch her TED talk from 2012. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

If you are seeking therapy for your daughter and located in Indiana, I offer virtual or online counseling. Please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Todays guest is Laura Reagan LCSW-C. She is a Certified Daring WayTM facilitator, in private practice located in Severna Park, Maryland and has a podcast called Therapy Chat. She specializes in working with adults who have experienced some childhood relational trauma, such as emotional or physical neglect, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, or have witnessed domestic violence. On todays episode Laura shares what parents and teen girls can do if they believe they have been sexually abused.

In this episode you will learn:

• Laura defines sexual assault as: “any unwanted sexual touching (touching rear end, touching sexual body parts) to rape…child sexual abuse, sexual assault where no intercourse to rape.”
• Sexual abuse and assault is considered a trauma
• Statistics: 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys under age 18 yrs have had some type of unwanted sexual experience
• Often the person who has been sexually assaulted will not know they have been an answer the question as “no” when asked.
• But when ask more specific questions about unwanted sexual experiences they will disclose experiences
• Part of this is raising awareness of what sexual assault means
• If you are intoxicated you can’t give consent
• Maybe a sign you have been sexually assaulted if:
• You wake up and I feel like I have had sex but not in relationship,
• Wasn’t plan on having sex or
• Wasn’t interested in anyone this Y
• ou can go to college counseling office and speak to a professional
• If not sure what you want to do call 24 hour R.A.I.N.N. hotline at 1-800-656-4673

What can parent do:

• If you child, teen, or adult child discloses they have been sexually assault Focus on how they feel
• And try not to be overwhelmed with your own feelings of what you hear
• They are asking you for help and for your support
• Suspend disbelief
• Call the hotline number because you may not know what to do and they can help

What not to do:

• Let them think you don’t believe them
• That you don’t support them
• Because that is harmful to your child/teen
• It can be detrimental to recovery
• Why do some people develop post-traumatic symptoms?
• Studies show is depends on how well that person is supported when they tell someone
• Next step is helping person regain a sense of power and control again by giving them choices
  • Let her decide whether she wants to call the police
  • Unless it is child abuse then you need to report immediately, but help victim feel like they have options
• Do they need medical attention?
  • Does a forensic exam need to be completed? If child under 13 years old-need hospital pediatric forensic nurse examiner
• Again call R.A.I.N.N. hotline and they can give you where to go
• You can have an advocate through your local sexual assault crisis center to be there during every step of the process
• Have to ask for an advocate
• Advocates are specially trained, they know your rights and can help explain your choices
• Advocate is an outside objective person
• Can have them there at court if you do not want your parents or loved ones in the room
• Parents can have advocate as well
• Exams are free and advocates are free
• Sexual assault affects everyone and offenders can be either gender

Resources:

Allies in Healing-book for how to support an adult who was abused as a child

Local Sexual Assault Association For Indiana http://indianacesa.org/

State wide local coalition One Billion Rising Revolution http://www.onebillionrising.org/

1 in 6 organization-male survivors of sexual assault https://1in6.org/ RAINN https://www.rainn.org/

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio. Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Laura’s Information:

Website: www.therapychatpodcast.com

Podcast: Therapy Chat (iTunes, Stitcher, YouTube and iHeartRadio)

Today’s episode is all about boundaries. What are boundaries or limit setting, tips for setting boundaries and why they are important for teen girls and parents. Each week I discuss boundaries with my adult and teen girl clients. There are many myths about what a boundary is and misunderstandings on how to set them.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a boundary
• Tips to set boundaries
• Healthy vs unhealthy boundaries

To see the full show notes visit http://launchingYourdaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I have some upcoming announcements for teen girls and for mothers.

Today’s episode I share how parents can learn to manage their expectations of their daughters, explore their own emotions and how assertive communication skills come into play. Relationships are work whether it is a parent/child or friendship or partnership. When we project our expectations onto the other person, then we create our own frustrations or suffering vs letting go of the outcome.

In this episode you will learn:

• Managing expectations
• Using assertive communication
• Staying the course parents

I want to say thank you to all my listeners and for those of you who have written to me about topics you are interested in hearing. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay update and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at http://www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.

Today I am going to discuss why anxiety doesn’t equal bad or something is wrong with you and five ways to help manage or cope with it.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? I have to get an A in all my classes, otherwise I won’t get into college. I can’t tell mom and dad because it might make them sad or angry? I don’t know why Jane didn’t talk to me during class. She was texting me before school. Sure I can do that for you, no problem, but you are already feeling overwhelmed.

As school comes to a close for the year it is not uncommon for anxiety levels to rise. It can happen again at the end of summer for the beginning of the next school yr. If your daughter is a senior and graduating this year she may feel more nervous and anxious about the next chapter in her life. Which is normal.

Anxiety related mental health disorders are higher in female than males.

The DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fifth edition) has a chapter on Anxiety disorders: Separation Anxiety (for younger children), selective mutism, specific phobias, social anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, substance/medication-induced anxiety, anxiety disorder due to another medical condition, or other. The DSM V has a separate chapter on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Trauma-and Stressor-related disorders.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder Diagnostic Criteria includes (per DSM V):

-Excessive anxiety and worry, occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities

-The individual finds it difficult to control the worry

-The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past six months):

-Restless or feeling keyed up or on edge.

-Being easily fatigued

-Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank

-Irritability

-Muscle tension

-Sleep disturbance

-The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas  of functioning

-The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition

-The disturbance is not better explained by another mental disorder

Five coping skills or tools to reduce anxiety

1. Journaling-write down worries or fearful thoughts
2. Listening to music-music that makes you feel more calm, happy or distract you
3. Exercise-helps release tension, increase awareness regarding how you hold your body, and body posture can impact emotions. Yoga can increase mindfulness and breathing
4. Talking to friends and family that you trust. Listeners are there to reflect what the speaker is saying vs fixing or rescuing the person
5. Mindfulness practice-guided meditations, progressive muscle relaxation, sitting or walking meditations, and deep breathing techniques.
6. Seek professional help to manage or break the cycle of getting stuck in the anxiety.

For more information about mindfulness practice please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com and sign up for my newsletter.

My guest today is Neil Brown a licensed clinical social worker, author, and podcaster. He is located in the beautiful area of Santa Cruz, CA. Neil has over 40 years of clinical experience, comes from a systemic approach and works with families and couples and kids of every age.In today’s episode, we are going to explore some areas in his recent book called Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle. His book is written for parents of middle to high school age teens.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a control battle?
• What are the developmental stages in adolescents
• Taming the Beast

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep58

Today’s guest is LaTasha Hudson, Vice President of Development and Public Relations for Girls, Inc here in Indianapolis, IN. She has been the Director of Programs for 5 years and has the most direct program experience within our organization. She has a passion for serving girls in our community. Girls Inc is a national organization empowering girls and their parents.

In this episode you will learn:

• Mission of Girls Inc
• How parents can get involved and/or teach their daughter life skills
• Programs, camps and STEM

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

Today’s episode I return to ways to manage anxiety and share techniques from various medical doctors and therapists. Anxiety can be genetic, but more often it is learned behavior. Mindfulness continues to be shown how it reduces anxiety, depression, ADHD and chronic pain symptoms.  

In this episode you will learn:

• Dr. Daniel Siegel’s hand model of the brain
• Dr. Daniel Amen’s killing the ANTs
• Distorted thoughts categories

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep50

Today’s episode I return to discussing budgeting, finances and planning with your daughter. At the time of this recording here in the Unites States, many high schools seniors are getting ready to graduate within the next month or so. This is an exciting time for many families and can also create emotions of sadness and worry. Over the last decade, I have worked with many teen girls and their parents in navigating this transition. One specific area that I continue to discuss with parents and their daughters is budgeting. As I discussed in episode nine if you haven’t already explored your beliefs around money I encourage you to do so you can help your daughter understand why you do what you do. For example, parents and caregivers what were you told about money growing up? Did you change some of your spending or saving behaviors after you were more aware of those beliefs? Many girls I have worked with over the years struggle with impulse buying or having watched adults in their lives live beyond their means. If this is you I am not judging you, but encouraging you to take charge of your money vs letting fear, denial or avoidance run your finances.

In this episode you will learn:

• Scholarships and financial aid
• Why a budget for going to college is important
• Rescue or not rescue when daughter goes into debt 

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep53

Today’s guest is Marni Goldberg a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor in La Jolla, California. Marni works with college bound teens and their parents in mindfulness skill building to help them manage the transition. In today’s episode she shares her own personal experience in managing anxiety when she was younger to learning new skills when at college. In this episode you will learn: *Marni’s personal experience of working with anxiety when younger

*Can be difficult transition from high school to college

*Marni began to create programs to teach life skills to ease transition

*Teenager may have excelled in high school, but have others in college that also excel and perfectionism can set in

*Pressures on having high achievements vs knowing internal strengths and being enough

*Coping skills that are taught:

*Self-monitoring-how you feel, what are your thoughts *Body awareness-do you need more sleep

*Time management

*Physical exercise

*Relaxation techniques

*Getting involved in social events and social support

*Raising awareness helps in being more proactive in getting support vs waiting until anxiety or depression symptoms feel overwhelming

*Mindfulness can help manage insecurities and “need to know now” thoughts from perceived external drivers

*Parents have loving intentions in supporting teens in high school and may not realize doing too much for teen doesn’t teach decision making skills

*Role play with your teen regarding getting on public transportation or doing an activity for first time on their own

*Exploring your teenagers fears

*Create a plan together

*Marni shares own stories with her clients regarding having to write her first check and being able to laugh at herself with self-compassion

*Explore potential risky situations and what to do

*Marni works mostly with families or young adults who are ready to make a change in their life

*Psycho-education for parents regarding creating safe container for their teen and confidentiality of a session

*Important to have parents involved and help improve relationships between parents and teen

*Relaxation techniques

*Gratitude journaling

*Progressive relaxation and guided meditation

*Writing down teens strengths

*Self-compassion

*Get out into nature

*Play/have some fun

*Does a strength assessment at beginning of therapeutic process

*Reminds teens it is ok to stay connected with high schools and build new relationships at college

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Marni’s Information: http://www.mindfulmatterscounseling.com/

Welcome! Today’s guest is Sharon Martin, licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. She works with adolescents and adults in helping them embrace their imperfections as individuals and as a family.

In this episode you will learn:

• Sharon began her career working with teenagers 
• She is a mom of three children
• In her work she pulls from her own personal teen years and the struggles she had socially, being sensitive person, and with perfectionism
• “Lost sense of who I was”
• Perfectionism can impact both teens and adults
  • Increase stress levels
  • If I’m not perfect, then it will be catastrophic
  • Attempting to people please and look for approval of who you are
• Teens need to separate, become individuals and mess up and learn from their mistakes
• Supporting parents is similar to how working with teens
  • Help parents in letting go
  • Explore how they as parents are separate from children
  • What do you imagine the the worst thing is going to happen and how realistic is it that it will happen
  • Inner exploration vs looking outside yourself for validation
• Parallel Processes
  • Teens-grappling with identity of who am I
  • Women-can have “lost of sense of self” as mom and rediscovering who they are
• Why they seek therapy:
  • To find out “Am I ok” for the teenager and for parents it is “will my child going to be ok”-giving them reassurance and hope
  • Educating being imperfect is enough
  • Change in brain development for this stage
  • We are all imperfect
  • Helpful for parents to model imperfections with children
  • Role model that making mistakes is normal
• Life is a journey not a destination
• Benefits of therapy:
  • Help parents and teens explore internal values
  • You will be able to handle anything life throws at you
• Teens imagine ideal life that won’t turn out exactly like they imagine.
• Parts of it will be better than expected and parts of it worse than thought.
• Learn how to take healthy risks

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play and now iHeartRadio. To sign up for the newsletter and receive updates go to: http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Sharon’s Information:

http://sharonmartincounseling.com/

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/

Book Recommendations: Dr. Kirstin Neff’s-Self-Compassion

Today’s episode is a meditation called Loving Kindness or Metta Bhavana. It is a method of developing compassion. It comes from the Buddhist tradition, but it can be adapted and practiced by anyone, regardless of religious affiliation; loving-kindness meditation is essentially about cultivating love. It is unconditional; it does not depend on whether one “deserves” it or not; it is not restricted to friends and family; it extends out from personal categories to include all living beings. There are no expectations of anything in return. This is the ideal, pure love, which everyone has within them. We begin with loving ourselves, because if we don’t love and acceptance ourselves, it is difficult to extend it to others. Loving kindness is without any desire to possess another. It is not a sentimental feeling of goodwill, not an obligation, but comes from a selfless place. It does not depend on relationships, on how the other person feels about us. There are five groups or areas you focus on during this meditation: yourself, a benefactor, a beloved friend or family member, a neutral person and a difficult person. Use three to four phrases with each person. In this episode you will learn: Guided meditations can help manage anxiety Loving Kindness Meditation cultivates compassion Can do this guided meditation in stages

To see the full show notes visit http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter because I making announcements for local teen girls groups and future online events for mothers.

Today’s guest is Elizabeth Bonet who is a certified Hypnotherapist with a PhD in Clinical Psychology, an author, podcaster, and yoga teacher. Dr. Bonet helps people feel more emotionally stable, happier and more connected to their partner, friends, and loved ones. Her specialties are hypnosis and anxiety along with doing couples counseling and Perinatal Mood Disorders. She has been a yoga teacher for over 15 years and was the founder of Yogafairy Prenatal Yoga, which she sold in May of 2016. Elizabeth is a single mom of two daughters, a cat and a rescue dog. 

In this episode you will learn: What is hypnosis How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and to sign up for my newsletter.

• What is hypnosis
• How it can help reduce anxiety How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur
• How mindfulness can help being a single parent and entrepreneur

For full show notes go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or (www.nicolecburgess.com/ep46) and to sign up for my newsletter.

Welcome! My guest today is Charlotte Hiler Easely who is a licensed clinical social worker of Charlotte Hiler Easely LLC. She is trained in EMDR, certified in equine assisted psychotherapies through PATH, Int. and EAGALA and located in Lexington, KY.

Charlotte offers a variety of workshops for women and one of them she mentions in our conversation is called “Gracefully Letting Go”. This workshop is for Moms who have children that are graduating and preparing to leave the nest. She talks about how mom’s are asked “how do I do this with grace and manage all the emotions?” Working with horses is an experiential approach. I have done this work in the past and I worked with an equine specialist. I found this approach to be helpful and create positive changes for the families I worked with. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Charlotte. Her work with mothers and using horses can create deeper connections and improve confidence levels.

In this episode you will learn:

*Why horses are used and how they can help women/mothers gain better self-awareness, improve communication skills and set healthy boundaries.

*Horses are large and powerful. This creates a natural opportunity for some to overcome fear and develop confidence. Working alongside a horse, in spite of those fears, creates confidence and provides wonderful insight when dealing with other intimidating and challenging situations in life.

*Horses are social animals, with defined roles within their herds. *Horses are non-judgmental and non-critical.

*Charlotte shared that during a session she will check in with the woman on what their horse is doing. She will comment on observing the horse’s behavior, ask the woman to reflect back what she thinks the horse is doing and how it applies to the woman’s life.

*Because horses can read and respond to the nonverbal messages we are always sending, they begin to act in ways that feel familiar to other relationships or dynamics in our lives.

*The horse’s prey-nature and intense sensitivity to subtle changes in their environment and to changes in humans (we are predatory creatures) make them perfect partners to teach us a wide range of life and coping skills. They are reflectors of our true selves because their very survival depends on reading us right.

*They provide us with information about non-verbal communication, emotions, and changes in our awareness. Observing horse reactions to our actions and behavior helps further self-awareness.

Charlotte gives examples of how a herd of horses are used during the workshop and applying that to the mother’s family where her teen daughter is leaving. Horses can help parents learn to observe behaviors, explore how that behavior impacts the horse herd and begin to relate it back on how it may affect their other children. “How is that like your teenager who is leaving the herd while the rest of you are staying with the herd?”

*This work is done on the ground and there is no riding. You do not need horse experience. Horses can help women be vulnerable in a new way and not be in control at all times. Working with horses can help the women take off their masks and for their hearts to begin to open allowing them to feel what they may have been afraid to feel.

*Horses help us practice being in the moment and being present. Becoming more aware of our surroundings, your body, keeping yourself safe and practice new ways of being. It also helps different parts of the brain begin to light up and change due to activation of being mindful.

Charlotte shared when we are more mindful of our behaviors this can help create deeper connections in our children. “If we look at how do we approach a horse in his space and then how do we approach our daughters space in a way that we can share with her information that we think is valuable. It is about your body postures not your words.”

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

Charlotte’s information: http://lexingtonwomenstherapy.com/

Facebook: charlottehilereasleyLCSW

Pintrest: cheeasleylcsw

Resources:

www.EAGALA.org (Can find local providers on the site)

www.pathintl.org

Gratitude Journal-write down what you are grateful for and what is working in your life.

Book Recommendations: Chris Irwin: Horses Don’t Lie (for those thinking of going into this work or understand horse behavior more)

Townsend and Cloud book series on Boundaries

Brene Brown: Gift of Imperfection

Kirstin Neff: Self-compassion

Linda Graham LMFT: Bouncing Back

In Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Our Adolescent Girls, Dr. Mary Pipher shares how our American culture is impacting our adolescent girls. Dr. Pipher gives various vignettes from teen girls who struggle with body image, to social pressure, to depression, anxiety and more. She explores what it looks like from the inside of an adolescents girl’s world and asks some thought provoking questions. Dr. Pipher has a chapter for mothers, fathers, family systems and divorce. She talks about some questions she would ask her adolescent girls to journal about in hopes of them discovering more about themselves vs splitting off from their authentic self. Even though this book was written in 1990, it is still relevant in what adolescent girls struggle with today.

Today’s episode is about communicating more effectively with your teenage daughter through reflective listening and assertive communication. You are role modeling problem solving skills to her using these skills. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn: Brain develops from back to front Teens don’t have full frontal lobe until they are 24 to 26 years old Frontal lobe impacts executive functioning and impulse control

Listening:

Reflective listening or Active listening

• Improve problem solving skills for your teen daughter
• Parents ask yourself if this is your problem or hers.
  • Does this problem interfere with my rights or responsibilities?
  • Does it involve the safety of my teen or others?
  • If no then her problem
• You will reflect the emotions back or guess what she maybe feeling if she hasn’t stated an emotion
• Don’t force her to talk about what is going on if she doesn’t want to and let her know you are there for her
• Reflect both the positive and the negative times with her

Communication Styles:

• Passive communication-eyes down, withholding talking to other person for days or giving them a silent treatment.
  • Considered emotional abuse if you are not stating you need to take a conflict time-out or keep communication lines open
• Aggressive communication-name calling, yelling, using physical intimidation is also considered emotional or verbal abuse
• Assertive communication or using “I” statements is the healthy way to communication
  • Example: When _______________ (name the behavior), I feel ______________(state your emotion) because _________________. When we have plans to spend time together and you change your mind, I feel disappointed because I’ve been looking forward to being you.
• Using “I” statements shows we are responsible for our own emotions and not blaming or criticizing.
• Non-verbal communication needs to be open body language, eye contact and facing person
• If the issue is hers and she wants feedback to possible solutions Use open questions that start with when, what, who, which, where or how
• Gain understanding and clarify the problem Use brainstorming to find solutions
• Evaluate the ideas from brainstorming
• She needs to pick a solution
• Get a commitment and set a time for evaluating the solution
• If the issue is yours-you can use the above steps

Book Recommendations:

Nonviolent Communication-A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Mary Hartzell, M. Ed.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Website is www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/LaunchingYourDaughter/

My guest today is Mari A. Lee a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified sex addiction therapist, the founder of Growth Counseling Services in Glendora, California, a best-selling author, popular national speaker, and a business coach supporting therapists in developing multiple income streams. Additionally, Mari is the co-founder of the annual “Shine Retreat for Women” in Laguna Beach, CA.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Mari talks about her own experience of being in foster care
• The Roles moms and dads can play in supporting teen girls
• How self-care can benefit your teenage daughter

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep56

Welcome. My guest today Karen Rayne who has a PhD is in Educational Psychology. She has been working in education for the past two decades with an expertise in sexuality education. She began working in sexuality education in 2007 by providing comprehensive sexuality education classes for middle school students and human sexuality classes for college students through Psychology departments. Dr. Rayne is passionate about providing comprehensive sexuality education to people of all ages and stages with sensitivity and a touch of humor. She founded Unhushed in order to expand her educational reach and to open family conversations about sexuality in the home. In addition to providing direct sexuality education to teenagers and adults and writing books, Dr. Rayne writes curriculum and trains sexuality educators in order to expand their skills. Dr. Rayne’s newest books include GIRL: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You and Help Your Kids With Adolescence. GIRL, which will be published by the American Psychological Association’s Magination Press, is written as a friendly and accessible guide for older teen self-identified girls as they navigate the tricky waters of emerging sex and sexuality.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why write a book about girls?
• How do girls ask someone out on a date?
• Why would a girl want to be in a relationship?
• How do teen girls end a relationship?

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep62

Today’s guest is Mallory Grimste, Licensed Clinical Social Worker located in Woodbridge CT. She specializes in helping anxious, depressed, and emotional teens create a life worth living. Her clients often leave therapy with better self-esteem and improved relationships now that they have the skills needed to be more mindful, cope with life's stress, communicate more effectively, and regulate their emotions. 

In this episode you will learn:

• Therapy process and creating treatment goals
• What is DBT and seven skills teens can use to manage strong emotions
• How treatment goals improve communication between parents and teens

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com.Or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep51

Today’s guest is Lynn Dutrow who is a licensed clinical professional counselor and courage coach in Frederick, Maryland. She has over 25 years of experience in the psychology and education fields and now offers coaching to teens and adults who struggle with anxiety.

In this episode you will learn:

• Difference of coaching vs counseling
• How coaching can be effective with managing anxiety
• Benefits of parents doing coaching

How coaching is different than counseling

• She explains how coaching can begin before parent or teen is diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis, such as generalized anxiety disorder
• Coaching focuses on the present vs reflecting on the past
• Lynn shares how Auntie Anxiety came about for coaching business
• This “character” can help bring in humor to the hard work and get teens and parents to get outside themselves for a moment

How coaching can help manage anxiety

• Education about the parts of the brain that activate anxiety and fear
• Amygdala works like a smoke detector and its has an important job, but for some of us our smoke detector works like it will go off if steam is coming out of the shower
• Help people recognize they won’t get rid of anxiety and not the goal Turn it from enemy to ally
• Work for you vs against you
• Begin process of taking action to make change
• Begin to get comfortable in the uncomfortable and lean into the fears
• Gain understanding of reacting to vs responding to
• We all have anxiety

Coaching parents

• Helping parents recognize their own anxiety
• Understanding the idea that society has sold us that we can all be happy if we just buy this product.
• Reality is learning how to be uncomfortable, don’t have to like it, but embrace it because it is important part of teens process and life
• Many well intentioned mother’s who are in the role of taking care of everything who try to “speed up the process” have created more stress for themselves and teens are less confident because someone else has been doing the skill/task they need to know how to do
• Let your daughter be part of the family-let her get engaged in doing these tasks to help the whole family

What can stop parents in beginning coaching

• Fear of being uncomfortable
• Doing the work to begin to manage the worries
• Having initial session with coach can help challenge the old beliefs and gain understanding of embracing the uncomfortable

Benefits of Coaching:

• Educating parents and teenage girls about anxiety
• Anxiety is like a socially awkward friend who wants you to pay attention to it
• Anxiety makes our world really small
• How to manage it-expand your world, gain more confidence
• How to change it from being an enemy to being an ally
• Courage is showing up everyday
• Look for opportunities and keep moving forward

Book Recommendations:

Anxious Kids,Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons I invite you to sign up for my newsletter.

I have some upcoming announcements I will be making, so go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com. This podcast is also available on Stitcher, Google Play, YouTube and now iHeartRadio.

Lynn’s Information:

Website: www.auntieanxiety.com

Today’s guest is Maya Benattar, licensed creative art therapist and board certified music therapist in New York city and Manhattan, NY. Maya talks about her work with women and how singing, music and mindfulness can calm worries and fears. We know music is important to most teenagers and can be a great way for parents to connect with them. Music can help us transcend from the stuckness to a place of feeling seen and connected.

In this episode you will learn:

• Maya works primarily with women who struggle with anxiety “
• Triumph over anxiety to understand it and move through it.”
• Getting women out of their heads and “noticing” where their anxiety is and interrupting that cycle
• Disconnect between mind and body and relearning that connection through sound, sitting in uncomfortable for little bit and through creative ways

Techniques Used:

• Vocal psychotherapy-using voice, singing exercises
• Do not need to be a singer or have vocal training
• Use mindfulness around music that is meaningful to them Where do you feel it
• Connect to memories or associations Don’t necessarily need relaxing or soothing music to reduce anxiety
• “Leaning into the music that works for you.”
• Shares personal story of how music helped calm her
• Changing societal views regarding what types of music can sooth and relax

In Between Sessions

• If tapped into joyful/playful place-how can you access this before next session Brainstorm how person can continue this
• Uses index cards to record goals, words or phrases that was meaningful during session
• Helps with maintaining calm connected place between mind and body

Fears/Concerns

• Women more interested in creative approach
• Fear around being musical or old wounds regarding failed piano lessons or can’t sing More about how it feels vs sounds
• Safe environment and with person who is grounded and calm
• Usually music already resonates with client

Benefits

• Parents pause and listen to a sound track with your teenager can give you insight into them Listening to music can increase relationship connection
• Be present with your teen (not on phone or other devices)-helps validate who they are
• Gain greater range of self-expression
• Sit with and be with uncomfortable feeling-shares Brene Brown’s work of working with both joy and uncomfortable
• Give yourself permission to feel what you feel where you are and move through it vs avoid it.
• Nicole said, “Giving ourselves some grace to feel all the different emotions and move through it.”
• Use of metaphors-being curious about anxiety
• Exploring your story so the old story doesn’t have power over us.

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Maya’s Information:

Website: www.mayabenattar.com

Free guided relaxation audio track: www.mayabenattar.com/guided-relaxation

Facebook: www.facebook.com/mayabenattarlcat

Twitter: www.twitter.com/mayabenattar

Book Recommendations: Brene Brown-Gift of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong

InSight Timer App-has meditations

Create a playlist of music for sleeping, work, when anxious or sad