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In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the challenges of rebuilding your sexual relationship and the challenges of maintaining intimacy AFTER the baby comes.
If you are blessed by the birth of children, your sex life and relational intimacy will change, especially in the immediate postpartum timeframe.
You must each acknowledge the physical and emotional challenges of this time with grace, patience, sacrifice and compassion for your spouse.
Your new baby will be most blessed if you learn to prioritize your marriage and your intimacy during this time.
Announcing Covenant Club! -- Join our online community including discussion forums (featuring a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other exclusive resources. www.intimatecovenant.com/members
* If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn dig into the mail bag for a potpourri of topics including:
Can scheduling sex still be romantic?
How to prioritize your marriage when facing the challenges of raising a special needs child?
Have we ever been met with resistance by church leaders for talking about marriage and sex?
Do you have any advice for planning a romantic vacation?
As you consider these questions and our answers, take note of the important issues and dynamics in your own relationship. Be willing to ask the hard questions and be confronted by the truth.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode Matt & Jenn answer another handful of listener questions, including:
How to handle daily excuses for not having sex.
How to find a qualified godly therapist.
Recommendations for couples bible study.
Dealing with sensitive topics
As you consider these questions and our answers, take note of the important issues and dynamics in your own relationship. Be willing to ask the hard questions and be confronted by the truth.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn challenge your definition of "purity" and tackle some myths propagated by the Sexual Purity Movement.
Purity means that your whole being is filled and directed by one thing: God. Sexual purity is not merely about what we are doing or not doing with our genitals!
It is dangerous theology when we come to believe and teach that sex is evil, men can’t control sexual urges, women’s bodies are inherently a stumbling block, and that virginity is idolized.
Instead, let’s simply teach that God blessed us with sexuality and sexual desire to teach us that we are created for promise, for vulnerability, and for the pursuit and exchange of love that compels us toward self-sacrifice.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn look at a few more myths that were encouraged by the Purity Culture Movement which still persist in many conservative religious circles. For example:
“If I save myself for marriage, my sex life will be amazing.”
“If I marry a Christian, my marriage will be happy.”
“Marriage is the solution to your sex problem (lust, porn) and your loneliness problem.”
“Men’s minds are evil. Women’s bodies are evil.”
“Women are responsible for a man’s sexual feelings, thoughts and actions.”
Sexual purity means that your whole being is filled and directed by one thing: God. Your motives, desires, purpose, and intentions are not stained by any other influences. Sexual purity is not merely about what we are doing or not doing with our genitals!
It is dangerous theology when we come to believe and teach that sex is evil, men can’t control sexual urges, women’s bodies are inherently a stumbling block, and that virginity is a marker of a woman’s value.
Instead, let’s simply teach that God blessed us with sexuality and sexual desire to teach us that we are created for promise, for vulnerability, and for the pursuit and exchange of love that compels us toward self sacrifice.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn discuss anal sex in marriage -- is it biblical? what are the benefits? risks? and motivations?
The bible does not specifically promote nor prohibit anal sex or anal play by a married couple.
Anal play, including prostate massage, may be enjoyable for some. While some do, most women do not enjoy anal intercourse which carries significant risk.
As with any sexual novelty, carefully consider your motivation and whether this activity will promote oneness.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share recorded excerpts from the live Q&A session at our recent Louisville, KY seminar (shout out to all of our new friends!!!) We covered topics such as:
I have unwanted sexual thoughts and memories when I try to orgasm? What do I do with these fantasies?
My bids for connection are unnoticed and ignored. How can I get my spouse to acknowledge my needs for emotional/sexual connection?
My spouse and I have different Love Languages. Can we still learn to connect?
How do I talk to my kids about sex without encouraging them to experiment?
As a husband, how can I help my wife’s body image insecurity?
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the the "orgasm gap." What is the orgasm gap? Does it exist in your marriage? Is the orgasm gap a problem?
The “orgasm gap” refers to the fact that men tend to orgasm with sex at much higher frequency than women.
The significance of the orgasm gap in your marriage depends on many factors and may or may not be problem for your relationship.
If either of you is unsatisfied with the orgasm gap in your marriage, you need to have conversation about the significance of sexual pleasure and degree of connection in your relationship.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including wives-only and husbands-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn help us understand the details of orgasm -- including gender physiology differences, health and relational benefits, spiritual parallels and the overall purpose for orgasm.
Orgasm, while not the goal of sex, is an intensely pleasurable point of connection with a multitude of relational, emotional, and physical health benefits.
There are a number of ways to change the sensation or to strengthen the feelings of orgasm.
Ultimately, each person experiences orgasm differently due to their gender and to individual characteristics. Communication is required to maximize each other’s experience.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn discuss factors and tips to improve the sensation, the strength, and the frequency of orgasm -- especially for wives.
Orgasm, while not the goal of sex, is an intensely pleasurable point of connection and may be elusive for some, especially wives.
Changing the sensation or strengthening the intensity of orgasm can add novelty and improve sexual pleasure for one or both spouses.
A number of factors may make orgasm difficult for women but relational strife and emotional stress are the most important negative influences.
Listen to our interview with Keelie Reason and her husband, Austin, on the Love, Hope, Adventure Podcast! https://lovehopeadventure.com/building-sexual-connection We really enjoyed this conversation about building sexual connection in marriage. We also recommend checking out her blog and wealth of other resources on her website.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including a wives-only section), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the power of sexual fantasy and how to harness this magic for more powerful sex and deeper connection.
Fantasy is a story you tell yourself to tap into emotional and sexual arousal. It’s how you choose to be present in your sexual relationship. It’s how you awaken your body to seek and to receive connection.
Effective fantasy is dwelling on whatever heightens your sexual awareness and then mindfully bringing your spouse into that. Simmering means intentionally dwelling on fantasy outside the bedroom to heighten your overall level of attraction and desire. Erotic fantasy is focusing your thoughts to keep your mind and body connected during sex which help maximize your connection and pleasure.
Fantasy can be either a bridge or a wall to sexual connection. It’s a wall when our sexual thoughts cause us to dissociate from our spouse. Fantasy is a bridge when our sexual thoughts promote deeper closeness in our relationship.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer listener questions about some of the nuances of the sexual pursuer/responder dynamic.
In all marriages there is a sexual pursuer and a sexual responder. But these roles are not static. In various circumstances and seasons these roles may change in your relationship
One example is when a pusher is constantly rejected. It is common for this pursuer to stop pursuing and to withdraw emotionally and sexually.
Stereotypically, husbands are usually sexual pursuers, but there is a [not small] minority of wives who are the sexual pursuers in their marriages. There may be many reasons for this, but it does create some unique challenges.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer a handful of mailbag questions about sex and spirituality.
You can change the culture of fear and shame surrounding sex in your own corner of God’s Kingdom. Start by reshaping your understanding of your own sexuality through the lens of God’s word. Then, use your influence in your community to spread God’s word about holy sexuality and intimate marriage.
Consider the benefit of sexual fasting as detailed in 1 Corinthians 7:5 and how to use this spiritual tool to benefit your marriage
Pornography and sexual abuse are two vastly ignored cancers among the church. Local congregations need training, resources and programs to help those recovering from pornography, abuse and betrayal.
For a double feature this week, catch our interview with Nikki and Ben on the Nikki Lee Podcast! We had a great time and some meaningful conversation! We think you'll enjoy it.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share a live Q&A session from our recent seminar in Tampa, FL. We covered questions like:
Is masturbation OK?
How do I handle when I get distracted or lose my momentum during sex?
How do we compromise if my spouse doesn't want to do a specific sexual activity?
Dealing with lack of sexual performance
What if intercourse if painful?
How do we share sexual history and sin?
Are there good resources to help us talk to our kids about sex?
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Our next live, interactive webinar is Thursday, May 19 @ 8:00PM (CST)
"Marriage Advice - good, bad and ugly"
Subscribe for access to the webinar and much more!
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn consider a question from a husband whose wife desires more "non-sexual touch." What's the difference between sexual and non-sexual touch? Is there a difference between sexual and non-sexual touch? Why might this wife be asking for this?
When considering conflict in your relationship, understand that there are always two layers: the first layer is the point of conflict, the deeper layer is the relationship dynamic that is driving the conflict. Each layer must be examined and addressed with humility and ownership.
The difference in sexual and non-sexual touch is not about where you touch, it is in the motivation, expectations and perceived pressure associated with the touching.
Ultimately, all touch should be leading to deeper intimacy and connection in each realm of our relationship — emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sexually.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn offer advice to a wife (and the rest of us) who is suffering from performance anxiety in the bedroom and having a hard time letting go of her embarrassment and awkwardness.
Private, selfish masturbation habits, even those that started before marriage, will have a negative impact on your married sex life. It might be time for you to acknowledge and confront those behaviors.
Sex requires vulnerability. The fear sharing all of ourselves can be overwhelming and can definitely stifle our depth of sexual intimacy and pleasure.
To help alleviate this anxiety, start small. Learn to talk more deeply and intimately about sex. Learn to more fully share yourself in and out of the bedroom. Engage in practices that gradually allow you to become more and more comfortable with your self and with each other.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn offer advice to a listener about talking to children about the awkward topic of masturbation.
Understandably, as parents, it is confusing and challenging for us to know how to guide our kids when it comes to teaching them about their sexuality and, specifically, about masturbation.
To be clear, the Bible does not speak specifically about solo masturbation so, this is not a simple “yes” or “no.” conversation with our kids. Therefore, it is most important to teach about the principles that might guide thoughts and behaviors related to masturbation, such as sexual lust.
We must teach our children to understand their sexuality through a holy lens and equip them with tools to productively channel their sexual energy, desires, and curiosities.
Also in this episode, we referenced some books to help prepare kids for the inevitable exposure to pornography:
Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson (Author), Debbie Fox (Illustrator)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds by Kristen A. Jenson (Author) & Debbie Fox (Illustrator)
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn offer advice and encouragement for sexual responders to learn to initiate sex sometimes.
It can be a daunting proposition for a sexual responder to initiate a sexual gift for their pursuer spouse. Their anxiety can come from a number of places including a fear of their own sexuality, fear of their spouse’s sexuality, or a general fear of being inadequate.
As a sexual responder, initiating a sexual gift for your pursuer spouse will likely look different than when the pursuer is initiating.
That said, offering a sexual gift to a pursuer can be extremely meaningful and intimate, with tremendous benefit to the relationship.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the challenges when your spouse is OK with being just OK. We describe our personal journey toward growing together and some principles to guide your breakthrough toward deeper intimacy.
Every marriage has gridlock issues where one spouse is quite content to maintain status quo and the other spouse desires growth and novelty.
Fear is the fundamental reason that responders resist growth. To confront this fear, turn from dwelling on your fears and start to focus on reasons for hope.
Pursuers, stop focusing on what is missing in your marriage and start focusing on your part in creating the dynamic that exists. If you want change, then change yourself.
Extended content and an unedited video recording of this episode is available on Covenant Club: intimatecovenant.com/members
Bowling Green Marriage Day 2022: If you are in the area, we'd love to meet you! Register now, intimatecovenant.com/bg2022
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss below-the-belt grooming and hygiene -- pros, cons and reasons why you (or your spouse) might want to do it.
Genital grooming and hygiene can be a sensitive topic of conversation because it may trigger feelings of deep shame or rejection.
There are many benefits of genital grooming and hygiene including improved experiences giving and receiving sex. However, there are some important logistical considerations and other downsides.
Whatever the topic of conversation, lean into the awkwardness so that you can learn more about your spouse and their desires, wants and wishes.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn discuss how to add prayer to your sex life.
Both prayer and sex can feel awkward because, if done right, each require vulnerability.
But prayer is a powerful way to build intimacy and, therefore, passion in your marriage and your marriage bed.
Consider adding regular prayer for your sexual relationship and during your sex for deeper spiritual and sexual connection.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this milestone episode (number 100!!!), Matt & Jenn discuss how to maintain a vibrant and growing sex life even into old age. We're sharing opinions, perspectives, and advice from some older couples whom we respect, admire, and love.
You should absolutely expect that you can have a vibrant and growing sexual relationship for as long as you are alive and married.
When we dismiss our own, or our spouse’s, sexuality due to age, or chronic health struggles, we are robbing our relationship of something that inherently defines marriage as God designed it.
Certainly we will all face the challenges of aging. But with preparation and intentionality, your marriage and sex life can continue to grow for as long as you're married.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive livestreams, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the popular advice that Christian men ought to "bounce their eyes" to avoid lusting after women.
A popular method of dealing with the problem of lust is to teach men to “bounce their eyes” and avoid any possible exposure to sexual stimuli. But is this helpful advice, or even scriptural?
Rather than avoiding women or suggesting that their bodies are dangerous threats, it is much more loving to see women as Jesus saw them — as souls made in the glorious image of God.
As a parent, you should teach your sons to have the expectation that they don’t have to be triggered toward lust by every exposure to feminine beauty. But this is an intentional work requiring meditation, prayer and building relationships.
Catch Matt & Jenn on the Balancing the Christian Life Digital Lectureship. For more information and to register: balancingthechristianlife.com To save 25 % off registrations use coupon code: covenant
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn encourage a more careful and biblical approach to how we teach our girls about "modesty" and how to dress.
For centuries, women have been taught that they must diligently cover their bodies in order to prevent men from sinning. But is this idea even found in Scripture? Is this the message of “modesty” passages?
Teaching women to shamefully cover themselves from the motivations of fear or humiliation, results in further objectification of their bodies.
Instead, let’s teach women to adorn themselves in a way that respects themselves and others by proclaiming the beauty and proper display of femininity.
Balancing the Christian Life Digital Lectureship: Don't miss our lecture on July 30 "Serving My Spouse" For more information and to register: www.balancingthechristianlife.com For 25% off, use the coupon code: covenant
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some thoughts about what it means to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We hope you are encouraged and inspired by this conversation.
Some things you should be aware of: Dating Divas Marriage Bundle 2022 -- For more information and to get our unique discount: www.intimatecovenant.com/marriage-bundle
Balancing the Christian Life Digital Lecture Series: On Saturday, July 30, Matt & Jenn are speaking on the topic, "Serving My Spouse." For a listing of the schedule and speakers and to purchase access, visit: https://www.balancingthechristianlife.com Get a discount at checkout if you use the code: intimate
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer an email from a wife questioning whether she should be "dressing up" in a provocative way for her husband.
The suggestion from a sexual pursuer to dress in provocative way often meets resistance from a sexual responder. But, the conflict is often much deeper than just style or fashion differences.
A sexual responder must be willing to confront the source of her aversion and be honest whether her reasons are helping or hurting the marriage.
The sexual pursuer must be willing to confront his motivations for emphasizing his wife’s body. Is he celebrating or objectifying her?
Today, August 1st, is the LAST DAY to take advantage of the incredible savings on the 2022 Marriage Bundle -- 20 amazing marriage resources for just $20 (a $400 value) Head here for details: https://www.intimatecovenant.com/marriage-bundle
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn talk about the importance of direct and vulnerable communication for sexual pursuers.
Sexual pursuers often struggle to be direct enough to express their sexual desires and expectations in a way that is clearly understood, but not pressuring.
Sexual responders may find it difficult to lean into uncomfortable conversations.
The most intimate and mutually pleasurable sex life requires constant conversation because sex is not just about what you do with your bodies. Intimate sex requires building relationship.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn offer advice about how to use quickie sex to improve your sexual relationship.
Not every sexual experience has to require the same level of energy and preparation. Define the types of sex that you are having in your marriage.
A quickie is a great way to maintain sexual connection even when you or your spouse don’t have the time and energy for something more extraordinary.
The best quickie sex happens when each of you has communicated realistic expectations and when you are using sex to build connection rather than just release or obligation.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss how to shift your mindset toward healthy growth in your marriage.
My attitude towards the challenges, conflicts, and obstacles in my relationship will determine the depth of fulfillment and connection that I can attain in my marriage.
A fixed mindset limits my potential by focusing on fear, shame, and pride.
A growth mindset pursues a deeper relationship by embracing vulnerability, curiosity, and the fulness of love.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share a recorded portion from the Q&A session at the Marriage Day in Bowling Green, KY on August 27. We covered topics like:
Surviving Kids
Scheduling Sex, #trashnight
Afterglow
Lost attraction
Challenges of aging, childbirth, and other hormone changes
Creating emotional connection through conversation
Navigating the dance of sexual pursuit and rejection
Harnessing the power of sexual fantasy
Removing barriers to intimacy
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some eye-opening observations after spending some time with a group of unmarried Christians talking about the the unique challenges that they face in their pursuit of holiness. Here's what we learned from them:
Unmarried Christians are vulnerable to struggles with sexual temptation and loneliness. I need to do a better job of helping singles find a place of belonging and support within my home and the church.
Most single Christians do not have trusted mentors when it comes to understanding and living out their sexuality. I need to be a louder voice and safer place for God’s plan for sexuality, dating and marriage in the Kingdom. If young people aren’t asking me for advice, I should consider why not.
Pornography is rampant in the church (not just among young people, not just among men). Most people do not know how to quit or where to even start. Church, do better. I need to be a stronger advocate for dealing with this destructive issue in my community.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the benefits of heightening our five senses to enhance our sexual experience -- including practical tips!
We often limit the potential of our sexual experience and pleasure by narrowly focusing our sensations.
I can focus my body and mind to be more present in the sexual experience by concentrating on the five senses.
By heightening or taking away sensations, I can deepen the connection to my spouse, intensify my pleasure, and help accentuate my access to arousal in my daily life.
Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt and Jenn revisit a previous episode about sexual desire differences.
In general, a man’s sexual desire is like a microwave (spontaneous) and a woman’s sexual desire is like a crockpot (responsive). Neither is right or wrong and neither is better or worse.
Empathize with your spouse’s position by offering grace, mercy, and understanding. Learn to embrace your own desire with contentment and enthusiasm.
Each of you have a role to play in building a solid relationship and creating circumstances where eroticism and sexual passion can flourish.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer questions from a live audience at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat! We are joined by Julie Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorousand her husband, Jay, for a round table of fun and insightful responses.
How do women have multiple orgasms? I have friends that are capable to do so easily, even in unhealthy marriages. Is it a physical or mental ability?
Scheduled sex sounds like a great idea. What are suggestions for making it happen? How do you keep it from becoming “routine” or just another “to do” list item?
In addition to praying together, what other ways do you suggest fostering spiritual intimacy?
What are your thoughts on discreet sex in public? Sinful, irreverent?
Are “bad words” in the bedroom wrong? Sometimes they just come out and I never use them any other scenario. It only happens when things are hot and heavy.
...Next week we'll share several more questions and answers from this incredibly fun session!
Announcing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share the rest of the Q&A session from this year's Retreat, including J. Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous. We covered questions about:
How to be there for a spouse dealing with past trauma, especially when it comes to emotional/conflict conversations.
I struggle with porn. My wife is aware of my struggle, but I don't always tell her when I slip up. I do this out of a desire to spare from pain. Is this wrong?
What sex toys or positions would you recommend?
Once again, we want to express our deep appreciation to our sponsors for this year's annual Marriage Retreat. Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant.
Married Dance - tastefully curated assortment of products for married couples, presented in a nudity-free marriage focused environment. Shopping from this link helps support Intimate Covenant:https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29
The Adventure Challenge books — Spice up your relationship with exciting scratch-off challenges and prompts. Books for date nights and in the bedroom. (Also family and friend books). Use affiliate coupon code:intimatecovenant for 10% off your next order and help support Intimate Covenant
CocoNu — lubricants made from clean and natural ingredients, including organic coconut oils and coconut water. Use affiliate coupon code: intimatecovenant for 15% off your next order and help support Intimate Covenant.
The Dating Divas — strengthening marriages one date at a time. Check out their website for a TON of great resources.
Ultimate Intimacy — an app and other products designed to strengthen and enhance your intimacy. We especially recommend their conversation starter card deck - it’s great for date night.
UberLube — a high quality, luxurious silicone lubricant that is smooth and silky, never sticky.
Get Your Marriage On! — an app, Intimately Us, and other products including Sheets & Ladders, a customizable sexy foreplay game.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the never-ending conflict of “I want one thing, but my spouse wants something entirely different.” How do I convince my spouse to see it my way?
We need to stop asking the question, “How do I get my spouse to do …?” Instead, if we want to love like Christ, we need to be asking, “What does my spouse need me to do?”
When exploring why my spouse is uninterested or unwilling to meet my desires, first I must seek to understand their good reasons for wanting what they want (or don’t want)
Stop seeing the problem as something that your spouse needs to change and determine what I can do right now to start growing myself to be a better person and to offer something that is worth following.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss moral, emotional and physical aversions to oral sex. How does a hesitant giver or receiver confront your blocks?
Oral sex is as biblically acceptable as any other means of sexual intimacy.
Whether or not you incorporate oral sex into your marriage bed is ultimately up to you and your spouse. But, we hope we can encourage you to find as many ways as possible to share sexual pleasure in your marriage bed.
Consider any physical, emotional, or spiritual blocks you may have and if these blocks are helping or hurting your marriage relationship
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn continue the conversation about oral sex -- tips and techniques to help make oral sex more comfortable and pleasurable for the giver and the receiver.
There are plenty of ways to help make oral sex more pleasant and more pleasurable, especially for the hesitant spouse.
For the giver or receiver, be creative, offer feedback and be curious about each other’s desires and needs.
Whether this is something you’ve never tried or something you do every Tuesday, oral sex is a topic that deserves plenty of conversation in your marriage.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn challenge the mind set of "foreplay." Is there a better way to think about the process of building sexual arousal?
The concept of “foreplay” may be counterproductive to a godly and healthy view of sexuality since this idea limits a definition of sex to just intercourse and promotes the goal of sex as orgasm.
Instead, consider embracing the idea of “simmering” — a general tone of frequent acknowledgment and engagement of sexual arousal, desire, and play.
Embrace a non-linear, non-goal-oriented view of sex.
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Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! Keep Striving & Don't Settle!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss characteristics of your sexual relationship that may be pointing to some deeper and broader issues in your marriage.
Your sexual relationship doesn’t happen in a bubble. It is a reflection of the whole of your relationship and is affected by the quality of your spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy.
If there are signs of an unhealthy sexual relationship in your marriage, stop ignoring them and find someone to help.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss how the sexual relationship can sometimes be a pathway to help smooth and heal emotional or spiritual conflicts.
Rather than seeing your relational conflicts as a barrier to your sex life, consider that investing in your sexual relationship can be an important tool to build and strengthen your whole marriage.
Recognize the power of the sexual pathway to connection. A meaningful sexual connection can open up emotional and spiritual channels of connection for the sexual pursuer and responder.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this encore episode, Matt & Jenn discuss how to keep your relationship and your sex life from freezing over during the busy holiday season.
Protect your spouse. Make sure they know that you’ve got their back. Approach your extended families with an “us vs. them” mentality.
Prioritize your spouse and your relationship. You absolutely MUST make time to continue to connect with your spouse, even at the expense of making others happy - even your kids.
Plan ahead so that you are prepared to overcome challenges to your sex life during this holiday season.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn offer advice about giving and receiving sexy gifts.
Consider starting a sexy Christmas tradition. This is a great time to gift your sexual relationship by exchanging sexy presents and/or by making time for a Christmas Eve quickie.
If you are a sexual pursuer, be sure that you are primarily considering what is best for encouraging sexual connection for your spouse.
Sexual responders should consider how to get in the Christmas spirit by giving their beloved a generous sexual gift.
Primarily, this season should be an opportunity to find connection amid the chaos. Seek each other first.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn offer advice to couples who are not yet married, and to those of us who should be mentoring these premarital couples.
Choosing your spouse is one of the most important and consequential decisions one will make. The way that we are dating will play an important part of getting this right.
Premarital counseling, before and after engagement, is a crucially important investment in your future relationship.
To best assess a potential spouse you need to be aware of their character weaknesses, history of trauma, sexual history, family-of-origin dynamics, and financial situation.
We highly recommend these books for those who are of dating age:
Not Yet Married by Marshall Segel
Sacred Search by Gary Thomas
This book is a must read for engaged couples and those who may be counseling/mentoring these couples:
Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do by Gary Thomas
These books are helpful for preparing young people for the sexual relationship. These are also great resources for anyone who wants to improve their understanding of sex and sexual desire.
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire
The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila & Keith Gregoire
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
In this episode, Matt & Jenn offer advice and tips for planning a a special and intimate honeymoon experience. We're continuing our series aimed at not-yet-married couples. Share this episode with engaged couples that you know to help them avoid common pitfalls that lead to honeymoon disappointment.
When planning your honeymoon, be mindful of the purpose of your honeymoon — i.e. to begin to explore your new sexual relationship and build a foundation for intimate connection.
Prior to the wedding night, you should have conversation with your spouse-to-be about your expectations for the wedding night. Be sure that you have given consideration in planning your wedding day to ensure that your wedding night will also be special and meaningful.
Be intentional and realistic about your sexual expectations for the first night and for your honeymoon. While the honeymoon does not have to include the most mind-blowing sex you will ever have, it is an important time to begin building a healthy and intimate sex life for your new marriage.
Great resources for building healthy and godly sexual knowledge, including practical honeymoon advice:
Hot, Holy and Humorous by J. Parker
The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex by Sheila & Keith Gregoire
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn suggest some meaningful wedding gift ideas that may not be on the engaged couple's registry.
Rather than an arbitrary choice from the wedding registry, consider a more thoughtful and relationship-focused wedding gift for the newlyweds in your life.
Providing resources for date nights or getaways is a great way to invest in a young couple.
Professional counseling or coaching can be an incredibly impactful gift to help provide relationship and communication tools for a healthy and vibrant marriage that will far outlast the toaster oven they registered for.
Great Books for Married Couples:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Cherish by Gary Thomas
Hot, Holy and Humorous by J. Parker
The Good Girl’s/Guy’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila & Keith Gregoire
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn consider the question, "What do I want from my marriage?" Is there a better question as we consider New Year's resolutions for our marriages?
Mature past the selfish motivations of relationship and begin to see the true fulfillment of covenant love built on self-sacrifice — in your marriage and in your relationship to God.
For this new year (and everyday), ask the questions, “What do I want FOR my marriage?” “What more can I give TO this covenant?”
Begin the assessment of your relationship with humility and self-reflection. Then, have a conversation with your spouse to determine what you can do for them and for your marriage.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share their method of critically assessing the state of their own marital intimacy and some tips on how to have the conversation about setting goals for better connection.
For real progress in your marriage, it’s important to critically evaluate the past and to set goals for the future.
A thorough evaluation of your marriage should include assessment of each realm of intimacy: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical.
In setting relationship goals, I need to define what I am going to change individually with specific and realistic plan.
We took our own “State of the Covenant” conversation and created a detailed form with conversation starters and a step-by-step breakdown of the process that we use to regularly assess our relationship status and to set intimacy-building goals. We've organized our conversation and the form around the four realms intimacy: spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.
Free for Patreon subscribers. Join us at Patreon to support our mission to spread God's message for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. For as little as $5/month, your contribution will help offset the material costs of producing this podcast and fund upcoming new projects. Your subscription will give you access to our monthly newsletter and other exclusive resources, including the State of the Covenant form.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn encourage couples to make intentional and biblically informed decisions about birth control.
The conversation about birth control must start by rejecting society’s notion that children are a negative to my personal life and to society. Rather, we must view children as God sees them — a sacred blessing and holy responsibility.
That said, responsible management of childbearing does not seem to be defiant of God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” so long as the Christian faithfully accepts God’s will and His grace in any outcome.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn compare all of the different birth control options -- how they work, their advantages and disadvantages.
The decision whether to use birth control should be carefully considered after you’ve considered whether your motivations stem from a sense of responsible use of God’s blessings in your life or whether you are being motivated by selfish and materialistic desires.
The specific methodology of birth control that you use should be chosen based on important criteria including: mode of action, convenience, efficacy, risks, compatibility, and reversibility.
Many options are available and couples should reconsider this conversation frequently to determine what method is best for their current circumstances.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn are joined by Christian sex blogger and author (and friend), J. Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous, to discuss the non-typical dynamic when the wife is the sexual pursuer.
While not the majority, relationships where the wife has the higher sexual desire is certainly more common than many would think.
Most of the time, this dynamic does not indicate physical, emotional, or spiritual problems in the relationship— it is simply a result of individual variability and circumstances.
Thankfully, more people are now willing to talk about this dynamic more openly, including our friend J Parker of Hot, Holy & Humorous.
For more from J. Parker, check out her website: https://hotholyhumorous.com/ We can recommend, without hesitation, her blog, her podcasts, and her books to ALL married couples.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share a recording from the Q&A session at a recent Marriage Day event in Dallas, TX. Some challenging questions that we discussed are:
How often should a couple have sex?
How can we still have great sex with a house full of kids?
What if we are both sexual responders?
How can learn to stop pouting when I get rejected?
What can be done about ED and other sexual dysfunction?
What are common insecurities that wives face?
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn reveal the guest performer for the Annual Marriage Retreat in September. Also, we'll share about our personal struggles in balancing this ministry and some restructuring of our vision for Intimate Covenant as we move forward into new opportunities.
Look for the next intimate Covenant episode in TWO weeks, and every 2 weeks going forward.
The Intimate Covenant Marriage Retreat is September 21-23. Registration opens on February 14th.
This year, the Marriage Retreat will feature a special guest performance by Justin Gerhardt, of the Holy Ghost Stories podcast. You will not want to miss this special weekend.
For more about Justin Gerhardt and the Holy Ghost Stories podcast: www.holyghoststories.org We can't recommend this podcast highly enough! We think your whole family will love it!
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode Matt and Jenn respond to two listener questions regarding expectations about orgasm:
My husband’s efficient/impatient personality prevents me from mentally and physically “getting there” for fear I’m taking too long. How do we strive for better?
It feels like my husband only feels satisfied with our sex if I orgasm… but sometimes I don’t feel like orgasming but still want to please him… thoughts?
How are these questions the same? What do these questions tell us about misconceptions we might have in our own sex lives regarding orgasm.
Each spouse is responsible to address the sexual desires and needs of the other - without selfishness, resentment, or apathy.
That said, orgasm is not the only, or even the most important, indicator of sexual success.
Rather, connection and mutual pleasure should be the focus of your sex.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family. -----------------------------------------------
In this episode, Matt & Jenn chat with Justin Gerhardt, creator of the Holy Ghost Stories Podcast AND our special guest performer at the Intimate Covenant Annual Marriage Retreat. Justin will be performing a live storytelling for our limited audience. This year, the Retreat is September 21-23 in The Woodlands, TX. Space is limited and we are already filling up fast. Details and registration here: www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
If you are not already subscribed to the Holy Ghost Stories podcast, DO IT! Your vision of the Old Testament and of Yahweh, Himself, will be transformed by Justin's textually accurate and deeply evocative storytelling. www.holyghoststories.org
Our deep thanks to Justin, for this incredible conversation. We're delighted to share it with you!
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer questions posed at the 2023 Nashville Marriage Day. We had a lovely time with this group and they asked some great questions, including:
Do you have advice on communicating when needs aren't being met without coming across as selfish or making my spouse feel like a failure?
In an effort to spice things up, is there anything a Christian couple should steer away from to protect your minds and your intimacy?
How do you continue being vulnerable if your spouse repeatedly gets defensive, shuts down, shifts blame, or doesn't change when you try?
What does praying together look like?
How do you recommend injecting sexual tension throughout the day?
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors -- www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
----------------------------------------------- In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the biblical principles that should govern the use of sex toys in the holy marriage bed.
The Bible does not specifically address the use of sex toys in the marriage bed. But, even without a specific prohibition, careful consideration and wisdom are indicated.
Sex toys can be useful for couples to inject an occasional element of novelty and "spice" into their sexual routines.
Couples who suffer from sexual challenges or dysfunctions may use sex toys as an aid to help bring sexual pleasure and connection back into their relationship.
However, there is great danger for the relationship if a couple (or individual spouse) is using sex toys as a substitution for intimacy or a short-cut to avoid physical or emotional arousal.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family. -----------------------------------------------
In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to two listener emails about one-sided sex and asking your spouse for orgasm.
The purpose of sexual desire is to point us toward intimate connection with God and with each other. When we fail to see the spiritual significance of sex, we miss the opportunity for fullness of pleasure and intimacy.
Present circumstances may limit how my sexual availability is manifested; but I must always offer the fulness of what I have to give — physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
Conversations about sexual expectations can help avoid disappointment and resentment.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family. -----------------------------------------------
In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to listener feedback about the impacts of sexual shame on the marriage relationship.
sexual shame results in sexual relationships that are disconnected & withdrawn.
Sexual pursuers and responders tend to be impacted by sexual shame differently. Pursuers often bear unnecessary guilt for having sexual desire. Responders have learned to resist sexual thought or activity.
Intimate relationship is the ultimate antidote for shame. Co-create new meaning for sex with your Beloved.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family. ------------------------------------------------
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share several segments from previous live Q&A sessions which we haven't included in an episode before. These leftovers won't be stale! Here's what we cover:
Do you have any specific tips to train yourself to stop defaulting to "logistic" conversations and encourage more emotionally connective conversations?
How can you differentiate between "withdrawal" and an actual medical lack of sex drive?
How can I overcome shame in my physical appearance that hinders me from fully giving myself to and and enjoying physical intimacy with my spouse?
What can I do to keep striving towards spiritual and emotional intimacy when my husband is not interested in implementing practical ways to do so?
What are the limits of appropriate conversations about sex and intimacy with other Christian friends?
What are some ways of connecting during the day with my spouse? Because of our jobs, we rarely ever wake up or go to bed at the same time.
Have you found that with pursuer/responder, couples can sometimes be both at different times?
When healing from sexual trauma within the relationship, would boundaries help or harm the healing process?
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the negative impacts of pornography use -- even if it occurred before you were married. We also address the unmarried about how to deal with the challenges of finding out that your potential spouse has a porn problem.
Pornography is a negative influence in society and may manifest terrible consequences even if a spouse used pornography before they were married.
Prior to getting married, this issue must be addressed in conversation and counseling. Don’t get married unless you are assured that your future spouse has dealt with past bondage to pornography.
Those of us with influence in the lives of singles, need to be a resource to help prepare them to avoid the dangers of pornography and be a resource to help young people deal with the potentially devastating consequences on their future marriages.
Previous episodes about the problems of pornography:
#113 - Q&A from 2022
#91 - Sex and spirituality
#62 - 2021 Retreat Q&A
#49 & #51 - Betrayed and Betrayer’s roles in healing
#11 - Dealing with Pornography in your marriage
The Intimate Covenant Podcast is sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some clips from a recent live Q&A session at our Marriage Weekend in Seattle. We covered these questions: - Explain what you mean by “newness is required in the sexual relationship"? - How to increase romantic intimacy when life isn’t romantic? - How often should we schedule date night? - What are some ways we can be spontaneous with sex with kids in the house? - What are some ways a responder can prepare for intimacy later in the day? - Can the afterglow actually be a fore glow?
The Intimate Covenant Podcast is sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to an email from a bride-to-be regarding her concerns about first-time sexual intercourse. We also address concerns about sexual pain relevant to all married couples.
Pain with intercourse is not a rare circumstance and may occur for many reasons. The good news is that there are solutions for nearly every cause.
Some discomfort may occur for a new wife as her body becomes accustomed to the process of sexual intercourse.
The keys to reducing or preventing sexual pain are lubrication and to go slow enough to achieve maximum arousal.
If you experience pain during sex, stop immediately. Talk to your spouse about it and seek help from a health care provider.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode Matt & Jenn share another live Q&A session - this time from a recent Marriage Day in Saint Louis. We respond to the following questions:
What are some examples of a kingdom-purpose for a marriage? What’s a good way to come up with a vision/purpose?
How to heal your sex life and trust after sexual immorality (eg porn, lust)
How do I move past my spouses past sexual experiences with others before our marriage?
Would you give an example of how to “reset” if we’ve become distant/feel alone/another reason?
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss some of the challenges to great sex and the work required for the rewarding, lifelong journey of an intimate and fulfilling sexual relationship.
Believing that great sex just occurs spontaneously and effortlessly is actually preventing us from achieving good sex.
Great sex, like any other mastery, is the product of consistent, intentional work over time.
Take responsibility for your part in growing your sexual relationship. Then, commit yourself to learning, cultivating and expanding your sex towards greater oneness.
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn reminisce over some of the highlights of this year's annual Marriage Retreat and share a segment from the live Q&A session, including:
I'm too embarrassed to try new things. How do I get over my sexual shame?
Sex is Messy.
What's a reasonable sexual frequency for a male?
How to deal with a busy and distracted spouse?
Is sexual humor appropriate?
We also want to thank our sponsors for contributing to the success of this year's Retreat:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the hymen -- facts and fiction -- as well as other misconceptions about the concept of virginity.
There is no “virginity test.” The presence, absence, or any other physical appearance of a hymen is not a reliable indicator of a woman’s previous sexual activity. The same is true for vaginal bleeding or pain with initial sexual experience. Every women has a different experience.
“Virginity” does not determine someone’s worth as a person or as a future spouse.
While the ideal is that a person refrain from premarital sex, a person’s current sexual attitudes and behaviors are far more important than their past.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn are pulling from submitted questions regarding the theme of female orgasms. Specifically, how can a husband help his wife orgasm? How can a wife learn to orgasm in different ways? And how important is a wife’s orgasm, anyway? Take-Aways:
Husbands often place far too much emphasis on their wives orgasm and miss the far more important goal of seeking connection during sex.
If a wife seeks to improve her ability to orgasm, a better understanding of her barriers is required. Seek to understand any possible places of sexual shame. Lean into the journey to explore your own body and sexuality.
Link to The Orgasm Course by Sheila Gregoire (https://sheilawraygregoire.com/product/orgasm-course-bundle)
This episode is sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family. ----------------------------------------------- Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant: Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 (Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant. ) Coconu — http://www.coconu.com Coupon Code: intimateconvenant for 15% off your purchase The Adventure Challenge — https://www.theadventurechallenge.comUse coupon code: intimatecovenant for 10% off your purchase.
To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing! Cherishing, Matt & Jenn PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality. Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant Consider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate
www.intimatecovenant.comIntimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
In this episode, Matt & Jenn are sharing several segments from Q&A sessions that didn't make it into a previous episode. But, these questions are too good to leave out, so we're excited to include them here!
Here’s what we’re covering:
How do I have sex when I’m disappointed in or upset with my spouse?
How can we handle infertility with faith and godliness?
Should we film ourselves having sex?
How can I overcome body shame that is hindering my sexual enjoyment and relationship?
How to have deeper emotionally connective conversations?
Sponsored by: Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
-----------------------------------------------
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss how to handle the inevitable emotional and sexual rejections in your marriage relationship.
Rejection almost always occurs due to multiple factors that have to do with how you are presenting the bid and with your spouse’s circumstances.
Angry outbursts or pouting will not get you what you want - rather, these kinds of reactions prove that you are unsafe, self-centered, and undesirable.
Instead, consider the perfect pursuer, Jesus. Even he gets rejected a majority of times. Follow his example and pursue relentlessly and selflessly.
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In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer three listener questions about passionless sex:
"How can I stop thinking of sex as an obligation when it's physically painful? While we wait for physical healing, how can I enjoy this part of our marriage?”
“How do you navigate pleasing your spouse when you have no sexual desire and prefer not being touched at all?”
“How can I enjoy a particular sex act that I get a lot of pleasure from but they do not, but they are willing to do it because they love me.”
In summary,
Refuse to let sex become passionless and simply a place of obligation — for yourself or your spouse.
To help improve your own desire and passion, start by trying to focus on one simple thing that can anticipate and enjoy each time you make love.
Don’t settle for passionless sex with your spouse. Seek to compassionately understand your spouse’s challenges and seek only sex that is connecting and mutually pleasurable.
STATE OF THE COVENANT: It's almost a New Year and a great time to think about reassessing the state of your marriage and setting some goals together to improve the strength and intimacy of your relationship. Consider our resource to help get these important conversations started: The State of the Covenant
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Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.com Where finances meet faith and family.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the accomplishments of 2023 and look forward to opportunities in 2024 for Intimate Covenant. We encourage you to do the same for your marriage with a State of the Covenant conversation.
For real progress in your marriage, it’s important to critically evaluate the past and to set goals for the future.
A thorough evaluation of your marriage should include assessment of each realm of intimacy: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical.
Please help support Intimate Covenant by sharing and rating the podcast. We would be especially grateful for you to join us on Patreon.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to a listener’s question about struggling to recover from an infrequent and unhealthy sexual relationship.
Struggles with sex in a marriage must not be ignored. Intervention and difficult conversations can save YEARS of suffering and shame; even save the marriage itself.
The fundamental criteria for a wife to want more sex or different sex, is that the wife must have the expectation of sex worth having.
The conflict of sexual frequency and/or sexual variety requires an ongoing conversation and a commitment from each to have as much connecting sex as necessary to promote oneness in the relationship.
ALSO, please vote on social media or by email to rename our Daily Check-In Exercise. Here's the finalists:
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer a listener's question about shifting roles roles in the pursuer/responder dynamic. But first, a few important announcements:
"Covenant Conversations" is the official name for the daily exercise formerly known as "Daily Check-in." Our thanks to Lamar Schrei for suggesting this!
Plan to join us for the 7th annual Marriage Retreat in Houston, TX — September 19-21. Registration opens on Valentine’s Day.
A shift in the roles of pursuers and responders is common in all relationships. Sometimes these role changes signal something detrimental to the relationship. Often they simply represent typical patterns of growth or seasonal shifts in the relationship.
In a healthy relationship, labeling who is the pursuer and who is the responder is far less important than making sure that there is frequent and healthy pursuit and response in all realms of intimacy.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
We would love to see you blow up their social media and their donation site. Thank you for supporting the Moodys and for remembering them before our Father’s throne in your prayers.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share excerpts from several different live Q&A sessions recorded at previous live events.
- How do you differentiate between responsive sexual desire and a medical problem resulting in a lack of sex drive? - How can I keep striving for spiritual and emotional intimacy when my spouse is reluctant to do so? - How can I overcome shame in my physical appearance that hinders me from giving myself to and fully enjoying physical intimacy with my spouse? - Is it primarily a man’s responsibility to redeem a marriage? - Do you have suggestions to make the bedroom a special place for us?
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PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share some experiences from their recent trip to China and some life-changing lessons they are bringing back. We think these lessons will impact your marriage too!
It’s easy to lose focus on eternal priorities and purpose. Revisit this conversation with your spouse frequently.
Changing your circumstances will not change your marriage. To improve your marriage, you have to lean into the conflict and learn to better serve your spouse.
We are deeply grateful for all of the amazing and beautiful people whom we have encountered in our Intimate Covenant journey — even those on the other side of the world. Thanks for sharing yourselves with us!
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt and Jenn discuss the resurging popularity of sleeping in separate bedrooms. We'll consider the reasons why a couple might choose this option and whether it might be wise for your marriage. In addition, we'll discuss some of the consequences of spouses who have separate bedtimes.
Every step we take away from our spouses, especially physically, has inevitable negative long-term consequences for the relationship. The decision to sleep apart should be weighed carefully and be constantly reevaluated.
As much as is within your power, eliminate the barriers to sleeping together so that you can get be in bed with each other as often as possible.
Likewise, separate bedtimes also promote emotional and physical drift away from each other, allowing opportunity for selfishness and betrayal.
As promised, here are the sources for the data that we referenced in this episode:
Elsey, Taylor et al. “The role of couple sleep concordance in sleep quality: Attachment as a moderator of associations.” Journal of sleep research vol. 28,5 (2019): e12825.
Drews HJ, Drews A. Couple Relationships Are Associated With Increased REM Sleep-A Proof-of-Concept Analysis of a Large Dataset Using Ambulatory Polysomnography. Front Psychiatry. 2021 May 10;12:641102.
Richter, K., Adam, S., Geiss, L., Peter, L., & Niklewski, G. (2016). Two in a bed: The influence of couple sleeping and chronotypes on relationship and sleep. An overview. Chronobiology International, 33(10), 1464–1472.
Troxel WM; Buysse DJ; Matthews KA; Kravitz HM; Bromberger JT; Sowers M; Hall MH. Marital/cohabitation status and history in relation to sleep in midlife women. SLEEP 2010;33(7):973-981.
Chiao, Chi et al. “Loneliness in older parents: marital transitions, family and social connections, and separate bedrooms for sleep.” BMC geriatrics vol. 21,1 590. 22 Oct. 2021
Larson JH, Crane DR, Smith CW. (1991). Morning and night couples: The effect of wake and sleep patterns on marital adjustment. J Marital Fam Ther. 17:53–65.
Ulfberg J, Carter N, Talback M, Edling C. (2000). Adverse health effects among women living with heavy snorers. Health Care Women Int. 21:81–90.
Gordon, A. M., & Chen, S. (2014). The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 168-175.
Cartwright, R D, and S Knight. “Silent partners: the wives of sleep apneic patients.” Sleep vol. 10,3 (1987): 244-8.
Cascais Costa C, Afreixo V, Cravo J. Impact of Obstructive Sleep Apnea Treatment on Marital Relationships: Sleeping Together Again? Cureus. 2023 Oct 5;15(10):e46513.
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In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss some of the latest TikTok relationship tests and whether there is something we can learn about our marriages from these viral trends.
If you really want to test your relationship, pick up a mirror rather than a microscope. Only you can change you.
“Turn towards” rather than “turning away” from your spouse by making and receiving bids for connection.
Whether your prior rejections have been intentional or unintentional, challenge yourself to see and lean into those bids for connection from your spouse.
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PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to a listener's email from a wife who is feeling rejected because her husband, the usual sexual pursuer, has stopped initiating. We'll explore some of the reasons this might be happening and what she can do about it. Plus, we give some personal updates and exciting announcements about the future of Intimate Covenant.
Sexual pursuers may stop for many reasons and it’s often more complicated that just hormones.
A change in this dynamic in your relationship should never be ignored and requires an important conversation.
The pursuer in this dynamic must be willing to respond with enthusiasm and continue to reach out to make connections wherever possible.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn compare the sexual relationship to a hurricane. Sex, like a hurricane, is a powerful, God-given force. While we can’t direct the path of a hurricane, quiet the gale-force winds, or suppress the rising waters, we do have control over the effects of sex in our own marriages.
The forces of a hurricane are mostly destructive. But the power of sexual desire can be channeled to constructive, passionate and intimate relationship.
The damage of hurricane-driven wind and water is unavoidable, but the damage of poorly planned sex is entirely preventable.
When confronted by unexpected storms in your sex-life, use these challenges to further demonstrate your creativity and self-sacrificial love.
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Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the complaint, "My spouse never initiates sex." So, whose job is it, anyway? How can I get my spouse to initiate more often?
Whether it’s sexual connection or any other aspect of your relationship, if you sense a lack of it in your relationship, it’s up to you to initiate what is missing.
If you feel like you are the only one initiating, keep striving. But, recognize — with gratitude — that your spouse may be contributing a whole lot more to your sexual and emotional relationship than what you immediately recognize.
Responders, you can learn to initiate in ways that are comfortable for you and this effort will speak volumes of love to your pursuer.
What Does Sex Mean To My Spouse? If you’ve been married for more than 5 minutes, you recognize that you and your spouse see sex differently. Our intention with this eCourse is to challenge you to think about your sexual relationship in ways that you might not have ever considered before. We want to facilitate deep introspection and fruitful conversations between you and your spouse to help you build intimacy and oneness.
Make Better Connections We all suffer occasions when our attempts to connect are ignored or rejected. This course will help you make better connections in your marriage — emotionally and sexually. Learn to pursue and respond to your spouse with passionate, irresistible vulnerability
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
This episode is an excerpt from the live Q&A session at the 2024 Annual Marriage Retreat. We’re sharing our response to the following question: “Can you go into further detail on how the act of sex can glorify God?” We’re also sharing our responses to questions about sex toys, solo masturbation, modeling a healthy sexual relationship for your kids, and when to talk to your kids about pornography.
We also want to thank the sponsors of this year's Retreat:
Married Dance
Coconu
The Dating Divas
Honoring Intimates
Ginger & Peach
Ultimate Intimacy
Show Her Off
The Adventure Challenge
J. Parker
Please support these affiliate companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.
Coconu — https://www.coconu.com Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/ Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market. Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share another set of clips from the Q&A session at our recent Annual Marriage Retreat. We cover the following questions:
What ways can I warm my spouse up to more public displays of affection?
Discuss navigating, in different seasons, sexual pursuer/responder roles switching. It's not a smooth transition and can be confusing.
What if you are the sexual AND the emotional persuer??
I love giving my wife oral pleasure. She never reciprocates yet enjoys receiving. How do I keep from feeling resentful & help her to grow her desire for this?
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.
Coconu — http://www.coconu.com Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/ Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market. Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn answer the following listener questions:
What advice do you have for couples that have great sex but struggle talking about sex? We’ve tried conversation starters but the answers are always brief.
I’m ashamed how much value I place on my spouses physical appearance. Self-improvement is a good virtue, but how do I ensure my motives are not immoral or shallow
I enjoy sleeping naked. My wife hates it. How can I encourage her to try & embrace it regularly. It's a great sensual way to enjoy each other without having sex.
I crave physical touch (not just sexually), as a pursuer how do ask for this without coming across as needy? Rub my back, hold my hand, hug me. How do I ask?
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.
Coconu — http://www.coconu.com Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/ Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market. Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.
Coconu — http://www.coconu.com Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/ Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market. Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share an encore episode about reassessing your expectations for your marriage and moving the trajectory of your relationship through personal investment.
Mature past the selfish motivations of relationship and begin to see the true fulfillment of covenant love built on self-sacrifice — in your marriage and in your relationship to God.
Instead of asking "What do I want FROM my marriage?", change your perspective with a new question: “What do I want FOR my marriage?” Consider what more you can offer toward your covenant?
Begin the assessment of your relationship with humility and self-reflection. Then, have a conversation with your spouse to determine what you can do for them and for your marriage.
Download our State of the Covenant resource to help you assess your marriage and start the conversations to build better intimacy in 2025. intimatecovenant.com/shop
In this episode, Matt & Jenn tackle the concept of "organic sex" and whether truly spontaneous intimacy is even possible in a long-term marriage. The myth that good sex should just naturally happen without planning or effort has damaged many marriages and created unrealistic expectations.
• Sex is natural but not naturally perfect - it requires intentional cultivation • Many couples believe the Hollywood myth that passionate encounters should happen effortlessly • The best sex flows from creating space for connection across all dimensions of intimacy • Physical intimacy is not separate from emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connection • Seemingly "spontaneous" encounters are actually built on intentional groundwork • Great sex isn't about spontaneity but about co-creating an environment where intimacy flourishes • Most of what builds great sex happens outside the bedroom through everyday connection • When couples focus on building multi-level intimacy, sex becomes a natural byproduct
Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:
Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29 We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.
Coconu — http://www.coconu.com Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/ Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market. Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing, Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Do you know where your "poolally" is? Me neither... Matt & Jenn discuss the importance of knowing your sexual anatomy, and your spouse's.
If you hope to maximize your pleasure, and your spouse’s pleasure, you have to know where the parts are and what they do.
Girls do have a vagina - but more inclusively and more importantly, girls have a vulva - with a clitoris.
Claiming holy sexuality for your marriage requires uncovering the shame that Satan has dumped on you. Naming your parts is an important first step in this journey towards vulnerable, intimate, beautiful sexuality with your beloved.
Submit your questions, comments or suggestions: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
Matt & Jenn talk about having "The Talk" with your kids:
“The talk” is NOT sufficient to educate your kids properly about sex and their sexuality. Start the conversation now so that you become the trusted source for sex information instead of their peers, the internet, and Satan himself.
Talk plainly and positively. Use real words.
You can’t teach your kids what you don’t believe yourself. Becoming comfortable with your own sexuality is an important step in teaching your kids.
Jenn recommended two sets of books to help guide the conversation:
God’s Design for Sex, by Stan & Brenna Jones (4-book series)
The Sex Ed Series, by Luke and Trisha Gilkerson (3-book series)
Thanks for listening! Submit your questions, comments or suggestions: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
Matt & Jenn continue the discussion about how to talk to your kids about sex. This time they cover important conversations to be having as your kids reach certain age milestones:
Sex education begins with language and anatomy at a very early age. This is the time to start to getting yourself comfortable with the conversation.
Prepare your child for outside influences before they are likely to be exposed. A reactive response is never better than a proactive plan.
Ultimately, your job is to transition from teaching to equipping. Establish yourself as a safe and reliable place to share and to discuss, instead of shame and judgement.
Thanks for listening! Submit your questions, comments or suggestions: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
In this week's episode, Matt and Jenn explain the sexual pursuer/responder dynamic that occurs in every marriage. Understanding your role in this dynamic provides a framework to better discuss and resolve sexual conflicts in your marriage.
Identify your role in the Pursuer/Responder dynamic in your marriage when it comes to sex (and other areas). Recognize that it’s not wrong or right to be either one, you just have to be the best responder or pursuer that you can be.
When it comes to confronting sexual desire differences, understand that the conflict is usually not about who likes sex more or whether or not one spouse loves and cares for the other. Rather, you each have attached a different meaning to sex.
Recognize the “toxic cycle” that initiates when a Pursuer’s advances are interpreted as “pressure” and a Responder reacts by “withdrawing.”
Next week, we’ll discuss some practical ways to recognize the toxic cycle, how to avoid it, and how to repair the damage.
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