Explorez tous les épisodes de I CHOOSE MY BEST LIFE
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 17 Jul 2024 | 263 Choose Double | 00:23:58 | |
Christian business coach Judy Weber joins Dr. Saundra to share ways to double your business profits without increasing your work hours. Check out Judy's new case study training, which shares marketing strategies to support your business. https://bit.ly/secretto10kmonths
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 08 May 2024 | 253 Choose A Full Tank | 00:18:45 | |
This week on I Choose My Best Life, Wanda McKnight Brock helps us fill our wellness tanks back up. Connect with Wanda on Facebook. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 28 Jun 2023 | 208 Choose Closeness | 00:28:57 | |
Sam Black joins me on the podcast to help us choose closeness as a needed step to begin the healing process within the church. Download The Victory App. Get your copy of The Healing Church.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 12 Jun 2024 | 258 Choose Persistence | 00:23:48 | |
Tim Bishop joins Dr. Saundra to share the many facets of being persistent in life, love, and the choices we make. Connect with Tim on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of The Persistent Road.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 10 Apr 2024 | 249 Choose Unboxing | 00:21:35 | |
This week on I Choose My Best Life, Nicole O. Salmon helps us choose courage and confidence through unboxing who we were created to be. Download Nicole's 3 Myth Busters and Prayer For Moving On HERE. Get your copy of Courage and Confidence A Bold Guide to Unboxing Who You Were Created to Be.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 22 Nov 2023 | 229 Choose Unparallel | 00:20:58 | |
Diana Asaad joins me on the show to share how couples who have been drifting apart, losing connection, and living parallel lives can choose to get their marriage back on track. Get Diana's free Marriage Toolkit and Intentional Date Night Guidelines. Get your copy of Journey to You: Fierce Freedom, Authentic Passion, Gracious God.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Sandra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today, we are chatting with a friend of mine about a topic that I think is so important. And that is marriage. Has your marriage gotten to a point where you feel like you are just existing with each other? No connection? No loving feelings anymore? Just In a house together. If that's the situation, marriage is a good thing. And God wants us to be in covenant with our spouses. And I have with me today Diana Assad, and she is a master-certified intensive coach. Christian counselor and marriage therapist is going to help us to be able to get back on track with this most covenant relationship. So Diana, welcome for being here. I'm so happy to have you. I want you to start by just sharing a little bit about your own personal background and history in this topic. Diana Asaad: Yeah. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate that. This process was birthed out of brokenness. Our own marriage was falling apart. We had hit rock bottom. We'd been married for over a decade at that point, but we were really just existing. We didn't know what we didn't know. And as things sometimes do, it felt like everything around us was imploding. So marriage and personal and kids and all the things, financial, it was like being bankrupt in all the areas. And it was our search for healing. We knew that there had to be a better way. We knew that this wasn't the life that God had called us to, but we didn't really know what that could look like. We couldn't find what we have established now. And it was out of that process of really searching and piecing together things and following God closely that we developed a solution oriented approach, really, to healing as well as Skill building in the emotional intelligence arena, two things that I think have been fundamental to our own process. And what we do today with clients. So we really are very grateful for that. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Oh, I love it. You took your pain and became solution areas for others. I want to jump into that because I feel this is a topic we all want to have healthy marriages. And sometimes I fear we don't know when things are falling apart. We just see it when it's all in a mess. And one of the things you mentioned is that over 85 percent of the people that you work with tend to come to you when they are in crisis mode. What does that look like? How does someone know if they're, I don't even want to wait till people get in crisis mode. How do you know when you're headed in that direction? Oh, good. Diana Asaad: Such a great question. So yeah, about 85 percent of the couples that do see us are coming as a last resort. Some of them have already filed for divorce. Some of them are separated. But a lot of them, the majority of them, do feel like they're in crisis mode. And we look at that as living parallel lives. So we do this a lot with the parallel living. Two hands that have a gap between them going in different directions. And that represents that we've drifted so far. Life has just gotten in the way. We came in with a set of expectations, probably misguided, dysfunctional ideals and ideas of what marriage should look like. And we've just existed. And we've let life get in the way. And we drift. And we get to a place a lot of times, at least when they come to us, a lot of them have come to a place where there's no connection, there's no communication, they feel frustrated, they've been having the same argument over and over, and there's no exit ramp. And so this cycle that doesn't, seems never ending has a way out. And that is a very distinct process that we walk people with. And really what we found, Dr. Sandra, is this, is that nobody teaches us how to be married. And we need somebody to hold our hand and looking and examine our foundations in relationship and say, Hey, this has some elements of dysfunction. This doesn't work in a healthy relationship. We got to uproot some things. We got to teach them what it looks like to resolve their issues. So we actually asked them through the process to come up with their top five to seven recurring issues that if they wish, if we had a magic wand and we could we could wave that thing and these would be resolved. They would be absolute game changers for their relationship. So we work, we roll up our sleeves with them, we dig into that, we teach them what resolution looks like for each of those areas. And we have 94 percent success at resolving their top recurring issues to their satisfaction. When they leave us, they get to review and to tell us what their process looks like. And these issues that have been coming up for years in a lot of these cases, they now know a path forward that looks different. And what I love is that it's not a one and done, as healing never is, as life never is, right? We help them to develop healthy habits moving forward. So we work with them on an action plan for the next six months. They leave with with an action plan, step by step of what change and healthy relationship needs to look like and how do we develop these habits. So it's a fun process. It's also pretty intense. I won't lie. It's diving into the deep end, but you're not alone, really guided through and I always tell my clients, I'm just as exhausted as you are after we're all done. Okay. We're in it together. So that's really it's our Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: joy. I think that's so true that what you mentioned as far as most of us have this, these moments in our life when things get hard and if we're not careful, it can be very easy to drift apart because sometimes we handle things as individuals, even within our marriage, and we have to keep the communication open, even when we're dealing with individual things within our own lives. And I want to go a little bit deeper into some of what you described there, because It sounds intensive. We're bringing up our top five issues that we, that are keeping us at this kind of arguing and this torn apart relationship. We're bringing those up. I can imagine there's a lot of forgiving that has to happen there. There's a lot of grace that has to occur that space has to feel really safe and hopeful. How do you create that type of space between two people who are in friction with each other? Diana Asaad: So good. We really focus on creating safe space and not just creating it within our context of our retreat, but teaching the clients how to do that moving forward. I really find that's a skill that not a lot of people understand or know how to do, but once they are introduced to it as a practical skill, they take to it. So creating safe spaces for us is a space for us not to feel judged, shamed, blamed, fixed. Or take things personally from the other side, right? The moment if I'm sharing with my husband something and we're intending to make these safe spaces, the minute he takes it personally, he can't be present with me. And a lot of our males, we tend to find, are fixers. So the minute that a woman might open her mouth to begin to try and create that connection through emotional, just processing, the husband gets his fixer hat on. We call it his fixer hat. And he's already thinking, Okay this is a problem. I need to fix it. But creating safe spaces isn't about fixing another person. It's really about being present with them. I may not process like you. I may not understand how you understand. But I seek to understand you. You matter to me. So we actually lead them through what that looks like, because it is about forgiveness. It is about grace, but it's also about changed behavior. When I have hope that this is going to resolve that I am under, I'm being sought to understand the other person. That's a really big deal. I often say this, that the number one problem I see in relationships is not the things that you would typically think finance. Those are valid. And those might be more on the surface, but if we're going to get into the root of it, it's that one or both of the couple parties doesn't feel like they matter anymore. So creating safe spaces is the remedy to that. We create that space to let them know, hey, I want you to know, I may not think like you, understand like you, process like you, but you matter to me. And this is how we're gonna do it. I'm not gonna judge you, I'm not gonna shame you, I'm not gonna blame you, I'm not gonna try and fix you, and I'm not gonna take this personally. I'm just allowing you the space that you need. To process whatever it is that you've been carrying. And that in itself is a skill that's so healing. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes, it is. And I oftentimes call that restful is I term an emotional rest, that ability of being able just to share what's inside of you without the fear of shame and judgment, I love this concept of seeking to understand the other person, really being the gap that division between those parallel. Lives is that once we start seeking to truly to understand the other person, that gap closes. And you have a book that's out. I think that helps with that because sometimes the issue isn't just that we aren't verbalizing it. Sometimes we don't understand ourselves. It's hard to share yourself when you're still trying. You're still in self discovery mode. You're still trying to figure a lot of it out yourself. And so your latest book journey to you. Fierce freedom, authentic passion, and gracious God really focuses on this. It focuses on the self discovery aspect and the spiritual growth aspect. How can that be helpful in this process of reconnecting these two lives? Diana Asaad: So good. I look at even couple work, whether it's couple work or individual work as an inward, upward, outward process. So I tell couples, even when they're in my presence, I'll say to them, I know if we were just to fix the other person, everything would be great, but that's not really true. The only person that you have. authority over and control over for real changes right here, you, right? You can't change another person. And so if we have a false identity, an insecure identity, don't know who we are, we're going to seek to find that in other places. And typically it's in our spouse. Who's also pretty imperfect. Last time I checked, right? Even the good ones, they're still imperfect. And so it is an inward, upward, outward process. The book Journey to You really does chronicle my own journey of understanding what identity looked like. It's not just my journey, it's also scripturally taken from The story of Mary of Bethany and the different aspects of her life that mirror things in my life. And then why does it matter to the reader? So each chapter is really full of practical application with a dig deeper devotion at the very end of the chapter where they can take the elements that they've learned and really apply them to their life in a way that's transformative. For instance, one of the chapters is about name confusion. I wrestled with my name all my life. I was born in a Middle Eastern family, didn't like our last name. I found out later on, like in high school, that my name legally is Diane, but I was raised a Diana, so it was a crisis of identity, and I would blame my immigrant parents all the time. But name confusion was a real thing for me. It was also a name confusion was also a really big thing for Mary of Bethany. Her name, Mary, means bitter. Her place, Bethany, Beth ah nia, means this, means house of struggle. So here, you have a picture of a woman whose name means bitter, and her place is a house of struggle. And yet, it's chronicled in scripture just how impactful, how she understood things that even the disciples didn't understand. How her sacrifice was so pleasing unto the Lord. So our names, if we're not secure in our identity, if we don't get to walk with God and wrestle out what do you call me? God, I may have come from this place of bitterness. I may have come from this house of struggle. I may have not liked my name for many years, but Lord, what do you call me? Where is my security and my identity in you? So it's really a practical approach to how to work that out from that perspective. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Oh, good. So good. When we're thinking about this with each couple, what are some just really practical tips we can begin to offer them if someone's listening right now and they're thinking this sounds like something my spouse and I need to do, what are some ways they can begin to foster better communication and connection starting today? Diana Asaad: I love that. So one thing that we can do is what we call an intention date. Set aside some time. I like to do these in a separate location. Don't do it in your living room. Try and find a coffee shop or something where the two of you can get a change of atmosphere. We find that a change of place helps us have a change of Perspective. We like to find maybe a location outside and you would sit together. And you would begin to talk about things that need to be talked about, but maybe we, because we've lived so separate and parallel for a long time, we don't have space to talk about them. This is funny. I'm smiling a little bit because a lot of people will share this intention date framework with people. And then I'll get random emails from couples I've never met. Saying, Hey you worked with so and so a year ago and they told us about this. Can we have that framework, please? So it seems to be something that a lot of people really take to. And an intention date is simply this, asking three questions in eight areas of your life, and you're doing it about monthly to get a read, take a temperature. You ask these three questions, where are we, where do we want to be? And what's one thing we can do this month to help move us in that direction? So really manageable, really actionable. And the eight areas are, you're going to look at your spiritual life and practices. Where are we? Where do we want to be? What's one thing we can do to move us in that direction? Your marriage, your family life, your finances, your personal and fun, your ministry or giving back purpose. Your work, whatever that looks like, so housework, business, or vocation. aNd then finally, your health, and that's mental and physical. So those are the eight buckets, if you will. Three questions, eight areas. Make it your own. And this and more is also found in our online toolkit that we make available to anybody. And that's at relentlessmarriage. com slash toolkit. They would have access to this and some powerful pattern interrupters, conversation starters, and things that would help in their relationship. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Oh, that sounds amazing. I love this idea of an intention date. I think many of us have heard of date night and sometimes and date nights are good. Don't get me wrong, but I feel like sometimes it's just dinner out and nothing really gets accomplished. You go out and you have a great meal together or you do something fun together. But if, but this intention date, there's some really specific. Specific guidelines that actually helps you come out of it, feeling like you have accomplished something within your relationship. It helps rebuild that connection. So again, they can receive this free marriage kit at relentless marriage. com slash toolkit. Correct. Yes, correct. Excellent. I wanted to just hear a little bit of maybe about a success story or a memorable experience that you've had as a master certified intensive marriage coach. What's one that really just stuck in your Diana Asaad: heart? Yeah. Actually, this one was an interesting one. This was a woman who is in my one on one practice because she actually came on because her husband refused to do any kind of marriage work. And she came to me with a lot of anxiety and actually a physical... Issue that wasn't going away. She had a degenerative brain disease. And so her circumstances were really difficult. And I just encouraged her and in the beginning a lot of the sessions were built around the frustration with the spouse and I just kept redirecting her and giving her some practical things about what is within her control. How can we change what's within our control? And here are some things that we can begin to do. And I kept assuring her that as she does the work, as she begins to practice this, there will be an overflow effect. And I kept saying, just trust me, you'll see something happen, whatever that looks like. Sometimes our spouses get so uncomfortable because we've done all this changing and they have to begin doing their own changing as a result. And sometimes things become clear to us, like we need some additional help and things become evident. We'd been working together for about a year and She sent me a beautiful update. She had just re had this realization. In the update she said, Today, I saw a part of my spouse I hadn't seen in maybe ever. What you had told me about the overflow effect, when I stopped focusing on him changing and started to see the things that were within my control, the things I could change, I can't tell you how different it's made the dynamic between us. And she was just thanking me, and she's saying, one step at a time. I see this changing, not just for me, but also for my kids. So she was just expressing her gratitude. Now, what's interesting is this. Her circumstances didn't change. She still had this brain disease. That she understood was going to probably do some serious damage to her physical body. Her circumstances didn't change, but she did. She, the change that she started to flourish under, I believe is going to have lasting impact on all the areas of her life. I want to encourage your listeners that sometimes it's not so much the circumstances that we can have control over, but we do have control over right here. And I think with God's help, honestly, that's the best place to be. Often a prayer that I pray and I instruct my clients to pray is this Lord, change my heart or change my circumstances. But change something, God, because something's got to change. So when we get to that space, Lord, just change me or change my circumstances. And this was just a beautiful expression of that story, that prayer come to life. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: We've been chatting with Diana Asad. She's the author of Journey to You. Fierce freedom, authentic passion, gracious God, and a master certified intensive coach and Christian counselor. I want to make sure people know how to connect with you, Diana. If they want to join, you have a marriage retreat, you do online counseling and therapy sessions. You travel and speak, you do a lot. So, how can people connect with you to learn more about your services and ways that they can work with you? Diana Asaad: Yes, thank you. I think the best way is through our website, Diana Assad dot com. And that's d I a n a s a d dot com. There's also a free ebook right on that page about the emotional resilience roadmap. And I think that's really valuable for folks as well. But that's our hub where they can get. Onto the marriage intensive receipt treat site. They can get into the one-on-one and see about the books and the coaching that we offer. So it's all housed under dianaaside. com. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. And I will link to that in the show notes, as well as to the marriage toolkit where you can get your date night guidelines to help you get back on track with that communication with your spouse. Diana, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. Until next time, everyone, live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 20 Sep 2023 | 220 Choose To Be Led | 00:21:30 | |
In this episode, Kent Mattox joins me to help us better understand what it means to be led by the Spirit of God. Get free access to Kent's on-demand Bible study: How to be Led and Empowered by The Spirit. Get your copy of Led By The Spirit.
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 09 Nov 2022 | 175 Choose Observation | 00:22:20 | |
In this episode, Kate Hurley Krause joins me to share that when we choose observation, we can defeat negative self-talk and improve our thought life. Connect with Kate on Facebook and Instagram. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 01 Feb 2023 | 187 Choose Courage | 00:27:04 | |
Sue Bowles joins us to share how letting down our mask and being more transparent is a decision to choose courage. Invite Sue to speak at your next event. Get your copy of This Much I Know...The Space Between.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 05 Jun 2024 | 257 Choose The First Hour | 00:27:12 | |
In this episode, Dr. Saundra is joined by Mark Koch to discuss how men's healing can lead to stronger families and healthier nations, starting with developing some key disciples within the first hour of each day. Get a FREE copy of The First Hour for the man in your life!
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 02 Aug 2023 | 213 Choose Joy | 00:30:24 | |
Kay Warren joins us to share how we can choose joy at all times, including life's most difficult seasons. Connect with Kay on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn't Enough
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 29 May 2024 | 256 Choose Influence | 00:25:14 | |
Kathleen Cooke and Dr. Saundra empower women influencers to take their place in arts, media, entertainment, and other creative leadership spheres. Learn more about and join Influence Women for free. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 28 Feb 2024 | 243 Choose Seen | 00:20:50 | |
Dieula Previlon shows how God meets us on our trauma-healing journey to remind us we are seen and known. Connect with Dieula on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Does God See Me?: How God Meets Us in the Center of Our Trauma-Healing Journey.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 24 Jul 2024 | 264 Choose Sanity | 00:17:31 | |
Gaylyn Williams and Dr. Saundra discuss de-stressing strategies to help you enjoy more of your life and recover your sanity. Get 3 free ebooks from Gaylyn to help you de-stress and live with joy. Get your copy of All Stressed Up.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 15 Mar 2023 | 193 Choose Service | 00:23:40 | |
In this episode, Daphné Vanessa and Shamil Rodriguez show how their journey with overwhelming college loan debt lead them to choose service. Connect with them on Facebook. Learn more about StartNoo here.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 26 Jul 2023 | 212 Choose Technology | 00:23:52 | |
In this episode, Matt Potter shares ways we can choose technology to grow our faith and build deeper intimacy with God. Get Pray.com FREE for 1 year when you sign up. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 15 Nov 2023 | 228 Choose Navigation | 00:24:23 | |
Chuck and Ashley Elliott join me on this episode to guide us in how we can navigate both the big and the small changes in life. Connect with Chuck and Ashley on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Used to Be ___: How to Navigate Large and Small Losses in Life and Find Your Path Forward.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Sandra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today, we're going to talk about how you navigate the large and the small losses in life and get back on track to moving forward. I have with me today Chuck and Ashley Elliott, and they are going to help us to navigate this process of when we used to be something, and now we're looking for what happens next. So, Chuck and Ashley, thank you so much for joining me. I want to start by just diving a little bit into why you think you needed to write a book on this topic. On what we used to be. Ashley Elliott: Our identity is often affected whenever we face loss. So, one of the things that I noticed whenever we went through recurrent miscarriages, it didn't just affect me in our marriage or intimacy. It affected me at work. It affected my ability to think and to listen to people. I was a university professor at the time, and I just have a harder time bearing the burdens of my students, and I would just have a little bit of a lower frustration tolerance. And so I found that I just felt like I was off my game. And then I felt this way with my kids. I'm like, I have two boys who are amazing. And I'm finding myself just feeling overwhelmed with things that I normally didn't. And so I noticed an identity shift in me and I felt. Inadequate in my body to be able to protect myself, really protect my baby. And so there's just so many things that I noticed in myself. I also noticed in counseling clients and students and people in our ministry realm that they felt similarly the different types of losses that they faced. Chuck Elliott: Yeah, because we find so much value in our identity and our titles. If I say that I'm I'm a banker, I'm a pastor, I'm a teacher, whatever that is. That's how you introduce yourself, right? You say, yeah, I'll tell you about yourself. I'll start off and tell you about what are my roles. What are the titles? How do I fill in the blank? And then whenever you lose that, you can wonder, how do I fill in the blank now? Who am I? Because you took away the thing that I used as an identifier. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that. And I love this I think because it goes so much further than typical losses that we think about. You mentioned miscarriage, death, and grief; there are so many different variations of loss that we experience. And sometimes the loss of seasons and roles and titles and identifiers as you mentioned, are not deemed to be as relevant. Because they're not a death or something that is, that's more hard-hitting than we often think. I'd like for you to dive a little bit deeper into that because I think for many of us, when we think about grief, we only think about grieving people. Why is it also important to grieve the other losses in our lives? Chuck Elliott: Yeah, absolutely. You can lose a relationship, and it impacts your life. Something we talk about in the book is we had some neighbors who lived right across the street from us, and they moved. Now, that may sound dramatic because I'm making it a big deal, but they didn't even meet and move across the country. They moved across town, but you know what? That impacts me because when they come home, I don't get to see them now. Our kids played together. I could wave when they check their mail. I could stalk them and know when Amazon or Walmart or somebody delivered something at their house, and I could ask questions and ask what was for dinner. Just all those little things that I can selfishly think impact my life. Now, that changes my routine. Am I going to grieve that the same way that I would the death of a family member? No, it's something different. We grieve differently. But if I discount that change in my life, If I discount how things have shifted and I've lost some of that part of my routine, then if I just skip over it, I might be closed off to another relationship. What if I don't grieve it and don't say, you know what? I really miss having those people across the street, and then somebody else moves in that could be really good friends, and I don't even give them a chance. Because I'm hurt and I'm carrying what it is that I used to have and that's one of the less typical things that we give an example of in the book. So if we can stay current with our emotions and be self-aware that we need to process something, then we can be stronger in other relationships. Ashley Elliott: as well. And one of the things you said was that it's different to have the small loss versus big loss, but we did try to pave a path for larger or small losses. So you can say I'm grieving blank. You're like, wait, grieving. I'm grieving the fact that my neighbors moved. Yes, it is something to be grieved. It's a bummer. It's not maybe at the same level as whenever we lost a child. But it does affect us and makes us feel unsteady in our friendships. And we wonder if the relationship is going to last. And so when we say I'm grieving blank and we look at how we're coping Oh, am I coping in a positive way? Or am I coping in a negative way? Am I putting up my walls and refusing to connect with other people and allow the new neighbors to be our friends? Okay, then, that's a negative coping mechanism. And so when we learn, however we grieve, if it's a big loss or a little loss, We're going to use positive and negative coping mechanisms. We're going to do certain behaviors, and we want to learn about those patterns because if we bring God into those places, he will help give us insight. He will help us meet our needs in healthier ways. And when we talk to each other, and we process, we can heal and find hope that maybe would be missed if we didn't take the time to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: reflect. Yes, absolutely. And I think it's important to be aware of those emotions, not necessarily judging them, because I think sometimes that prevents us from actually experiencing them. But as you mentioned, being aware of them and identifying when they're healthy and when they're not healthy. And one of the more unhealthy emotions that we sometimes will begin to exhibit when there's loss is anger. And you mentioned that anger can create an anger wall. Ashley Elliott: Describe that for us. Okay, behind all of our emotions are sometimes more emotions, but we especially see this happen with anger. So if you imagine a wall that's built with anger and you remove a brick from that wall, what would be beneath that anger brick? Maybe there is Vulnerability or jealousy or inadequacy or fear, anxiety, sadness, or any type of emotion could be there. Oftentimes, anger makes us feel powerful. We don't want to feel weak. We don't want to feel vulnerable or lonely or sad. It's easier to feel angry because we feel justified. And so when we understand It might be easier to lean into anger and to feel some momentary strength there than it is to look at those underneath emotions. But when we do look at what's beneath our anger wall, we can find hope and resilience and Chuck Elliott: strength. I can tell you that when we faced recurrent miscarriages, I was angry. And if I would take out one of those bricks and that anger wall for me, I felt weak. I felt inadequate. I felt like a failure because I couldn't protect my family. I couldn't protect this little one that we lost that I never got to meet. And it was a lot easier just to be angry. To be mad about the process, to be mad about the way this happens, mad that nobody talks about it, mad about the way that I'm feeling. But if I really got underneath it, I didn't want to feel like a failure. I didn't want to feel weak. I didn't want to think that I was weak in a failure. So, if I just seemed strong by putting anger out there, I could mask that. But what happens is if you continue to do that, there are other negative consequences of your anger, and there are other negative consequences of not recognizing and communicating to Ashley that I felt like a failure. I felt weak. I felt inadequate. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now you two come from two different backgrounds as a way of approaching grief, Ashley being a licensed counselor and Chuck being a pastor. I love the combination of the two because I feel like it gives a very thorough look. How do we overcome and how do we heal? And you both have mentioned your miscarriage. So, I want to dive a little bit into that. How did you? Get back to a place of trusting God in the middle of that pain. Cause I feel like that is the hard thing for most of us. You love God, you're saved. You believe in Jesus, all the things, hard stuff happens. How do you hold to the trust and the things that you believe? Ashley Elliott: Such a good point that you have. We are still believers, but we are just shaken sometimes in those moments of loss. And we definitely experienced that now for me. During our first loss, we worshipped in the ER, and I remember just saying, Lord, I want to worship you. This is really hard. This is sad. And then we had another loss the next year, and I just felt so devastated. I took a year to try to heal and try to process and do research and then. I felt shattered, and I remember starting to feel like there was a distance between me and God. I felt like God was quieter than normal. We continued to do ministry. I sang at the church. He was on staff. I did a lot of volunteer-type of things. And so I continued to serve, but I just felt disappointed with the silence that I felt. And I think over time that built when we had a third miscarriage, I just felt like God was so silent. And I would get a little frustrated. I'm like, God, I didn't turn my back on you. I am following you. I'm not shaking my fist, but you're so silent. Like I need you. And your Bible tells us that I can draw near and you will draw near to me. Like, why are you not making yourself evident? And I just dug into the scripture more, and I found David felt similarly he says in the Psalms like God, where are you? Why have you forsaken me? But yet I will praise you a little farther down the Psalms. He says this over and over again as he pours out his heart. His disappointment is his frustration, but he also says, Lord, I'm going to still praise you. And I want to be like that. And I wanted that in that moment. And so I prayed those verses over me. I said, Lord, help me to live like David. And then I looked at other verses, and I saw Job. It's ah, he had these terrible things. And we can see behind the scenes, we can see the enemy was attacking him. It wasn't God. Sometimes it feels like it's God. And sometimes people will say some spiritual answers or comments, and it will make us feel like God's doing this terrible thing to us to teach us a lesson or because of a sin or whatever. But knowing that, I could see in the story of Job that he Loved God. He was faithful to God, and he still felt silence. He still felt uncertainty. And yet, I want to be like him. I didn't want to be like his wife. He said, why don't you curse God and die? I want to be like Job when I read that story. And so I continue to want to endure. And so I would wrestle with different verses and say, Lord, I want to be like you, even though I'm struggling. I want to be close to you, even though I don't feel you. And there's another verse in Job that Encourages me so much. It says God speaks in one way, and in another, no man does not perceive it. And so I held on to that. I'm like, Lord, maybe you're speaking to me. Maybe you're more near than I feel. And I'm just holding on to this truth, even in the darkness, even in the silence. And I do feel like over time it lifted. And even this morning, like we had a time of prayer I really felt a connection to God. And so I know that God is real. But I also know that in my grief, I've had more questioning than at other times. And I just want to acknowledge that sometimes it's hard. I think that's a more normal part of our walk with God. And I think just telling people about that can be a good thing because it's comforting for me to hear from other people when they face those struggles. Chuck Elliott: too. That's a really good point because sometimes, in Christianity, in the church, people will think that it is not spiritual to grieve. If I'm really spiritual I'm really loving God, and I'm passionate, I'm on fire. If you use that terminology for the Lord, then that means that I don't experience pain and I'm happy, and things are going in my direction, and I feel blessed, and I don't feel the anxiety and all of those things. I don't see that in the Bible. I see people lamenting. I see people longing to be with the Lord, and they still feel distant. I see people going through really hard times. I see the disciples after Jesus died on the cross going through difficult times, even though they have joy in the Lord. They still have persecution. They still have difficult things that they're going through, but ultimately, their foundation is in their relationship with God. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. Amen. I want to really speak to that person who's at that place because I feel like a lot of people have gone through a lot of losses over the past couple of years. Amen. Starting with 2020 and beyond, there seems to have been just this season of hard that has hit a lot of lives in many different areas. And one of the things you talk about is the lies that grief tells us the lies that it tries to get us to believe. And one of those lies that I'm seeing a lot is this lie of hopelessness. Like it's the end, like there, there's nothing after this. It's just over. How can we over? What are some other common lies you've seen and how do we overcome those with God's word? Chuck Elliott: I think that's a great example of what you said you've seen with the people that you work with. People feel hopeless. That's a really good example. One of the other ones that we talk about is grief, lies, and telling us that we're alone. Tells us that nobody else wants to see us. Nobody else has experienced anything like us, that we should suffer by ourselves, not talk to anybody. And even if we did talk to somebody, nobody would care. And that is a lie. It's 100 percent a lie. People want to be with you. People want to talk to you. People want to be all on this journey with you. But sometimes we don't know how to let people in. And even when we try to let people in, it can be difficult. It can be awkward because unfortunately, we don't talk about grief and loss very much. And when you bring people into a relationship and a community around those times, it can be a little bit difficult. But that doesn't mean that you're alone. And that's one of the big lies that we've really seen. Ashley Elliott: And one of the things that you shared is the hopelessness. We tend to feel hopeless when we get stuck in a negative space. Now, in all relationships, we go back and forth between being in a positive space and a negative space. And you can think about it easily to jump in with a positive-negative space. It's like a positive or a negative mood, but it's much deeper than that. We have our positive thoughts, feelings, and behavior whenever we're in a hopeful state. And whenever we start to feel a sense of despair, that hopelessness starts to creep in negative emotions and anxiety. And we doubt God's word. We doubt ourselves and. This ends up affecting our values and our belief system. And so I believe that when people start to bring God into their negative spaces, they start to call on the holy God who can bring hope in the darkness. And there's a verse that says we are overcomers by the word of our testimony. That testimony does not happen alone. It happens in the community. The devil is a Christian relationship destroyer. He wants us to suffer alone. And when we call on God, when we fight the enemy in the community, God works and does wonders and miracles. But again, it's hard when we feel alone; it's hard whenever we're suffering, and we don't always see that. So for us, it's been helpful to say. I'm in a negative space. This isn't how I feel when I'm in a positive space. So I've got to get in God's word. I've got to get in the community. Even when I feel resistance, I acknowledge that resistance is a natural process, a human process that comes to try to make us feel more alone. And so this is, these are some of the lies that happen. But again, God's word can give us that hope and encouragement. Chuck Elliott: I really like that you said hope because oftentimes we wait until we feel hopeful and then we want to talk about Jesus. I'm in a good mood. Things are going right. All right, I can bring God into it now. But when I feel hopeless, and I feel blind, and I feel like I don't have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing next, God doesn't want anything to do with this now. That is a lie. God wants to be in the middle of your hopelessness. He wants to be in the middle of your depression, the middle of your anxiety, the middle of your confusion, the middle of your temptation, the middle of your sin, and the middle of your mess. He wants to be right in the middle of every single one of those things. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: A man. And I love that you also brought in the whole community aspect of it, the need for other people. I think sometimes when we're hurting, we almost feel like the leper is I don't want to get my hurt on you. So, we avoid other people because we fear we're going to bring them down or we don't want to burden other people with our pain. But I get, I have to tell you during some of the hardest times of my journey with God. The closest friends that I have right now are those people who didn't try to fix me. They didn't try to work me to death. I love the word of God, but when I'm hurting, I sometimes am not receptive to certain things. They just sat with me in the pain. And I had one friend who just a couple of years ago, my dad passed very unexpectedly. And she literally, she's in Canada. She's millions of miles away from me. I'm in the Southeast. She sat on a Zoom with me, and we wept together. And I can't tell you the healing that brought to my soul and the way it bonded our relationship because she wasn't trying to fix me. She just wanted to be present with me. So, I love that you brought those two components together there. Chuck Elliott: I hope your audience heard what you just played through like she didn't fix you. She didn't try to fix you. She didn't word you. I like that. You use that as an action thing. She didn't worry you and beat you up with it, right? And she sat with you. She sat with even over Zoom. And it was okay to be there and to cry, and you know what? She didn't have to fix it, and you didn't expect her to fix it. I think that's a really good prescription for the people who are listening to that pattern. You don't have to have the right scripture in the right moment and the right thing to say in the right comfort and bring over the right casserole at the right time. You need to be there. Ashley Elliott: You just show up. And I think the phrase word you think people word you, I think people want to be spiritual. They want to bring some sort of hope. And so we'll write on the card, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. I have done this, and I still do this, right? But I'm like, Hey, I didn't feel God's nearness, and I held onto it. So, even if this verse hurts a little bit, I just want to remind you that he is near even if he doesn't feel it. And I think sometimes. It's hard. We just want to have something spiritual to say. And our spiritual words can feel sting like they can feel painful whenever we are hurting, and knowing that we don't want to use God's word as a weapon against our loved ones. We want to use it as a healing bomb to help them. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. Amen. I love that. I also want to mention something called switch therapy. What is that? And how can that help us in this process of navigating Ashley Elliott: losses? Yeah. I'm glad that you used the word because we did talk a little bit about it, but it is that positive and negative space. So, we use that back and forth between the positive and negative space. We call it switch theory because we go back and forth between this positive and negative space. And again, in our positive space, we feel hopeful, and we have positive thoughts, feelings, and aspirations, and our behavior is more positive. Chuck Elliott: The negative, you have negative thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and you're less hopeful. So you have those two ends. Of what it is that you're dealing with. Ashley Elliott: Yeah, so it's normal to go back and forth. Sometimes, we can go back and forth in a positive or negative space with each other. We can collectively get in a negative space with our kids. We can be in a positive or negative space with God with our co-workers. And especially when we start to feel like we get stuck in a negative space with everyone, that's whenever depression really grows. And if we begin to feel anxious in one area of our life, it can push us into a negative space and other areas. And so where we typically do the most of our counseling and coaching and pastoral work is whenever people are stuck in this negative space. And so we believe God can help us make a manual reset in that. First thing that we don't do typically as humans. We don't always bring God into it. We're a little bit like Adam and Eve in the garden. When they sinned, they went and hid. We can do the same thing. And we want to bring God into that negative space so that we can find the healing that we need. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: We've been chatting with Chuck and Ashley Elliott. They are the co-authors of I Used to Be Fill in the Blank, How to Navigate Large and Small Losses in Life, and Find Your Path Forward. I want to give you each an opportunity to just share some final thoughts to that person who's listening right now. And I don't know if they're going through the loss of a relationship, a loss of, as you mentioned, like a miscarriage or a job or a title, whatever their loss may be, they're at that place where they are just questioning. How to move forward. What would you say to them? Chuck Elliott: Yes, absolutely. God wants to be in the middle of it. He wants to be in the middle of your pain, in the middle of your anger, even your anger towards him. He can handle it. He can handle those feelings, those emotions, the things that you feel like are filthy and nasty, and those thoughts and stuff that you're not proud of. And you're even ashamed of it. He wants to be in the middle of it. And we also tell people that you're not just doing this work for you. You're doing this work for your family, for your loved ones. When you do the work to process your grief and your loss, whether it be large or small, you're leaving a legacy. You're being available for your kids, for your spouse, for your co-workers, for the people who are looking to you for support. You can be emotionally present. You can be the leader that you need to be. You can be the coach that you need to be. You can be that when you take some of those steps to process. Ashley Elliott: maybe you've been prompted in one area. Maybe it's the anger with God, or there's some sort of loss that maybe you're pricked by, but pick one thing that you're going to do. Sometimes, we can think, Oh, I've got to do all of the things. But if you pick one thing, maybe I'm going to open my Bible today, and I haven't opened it in a very long time. Or maybe I'm going to get together with a friend and open up about how I feel, or I'm going to get a book. Go to church or whatever it is that you're going to do. Start counseling, coaching, and do something, but pick one thing that's small enough that you think you actually can do it this week. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. I want to make sure they know how to connect with you and to purchase a copy of I used to be _. Where can they do that? Chuck Elliott: Absolutely. You can connect with us at chuckandashley. com. You can find links to all of our social media accounts there, and the book is sold everywhere books are sold. Also the audio book. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. I'll, we will link to that in the show notes to your website, as well as to a direct link to the book. I want to thank you both so much for joining me. Thank you. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 01 Mar 2023 | 191 Choose Advocacy | 00:18:48 | |
Dr. Alveda King joins me on this episode to share why it's important we choose advocacy when addressing the issues of our time. Connect with Dr. King on Facebook and Twitter. Get your copy of America Return to God: Repent from Sin, Rebuild the Wall, Repair the Gates, Restore the Dream.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 15 May 2024 | 254 Choose Abundance | 00:20:33 | |
Karen Whiting joins Dr. Saundra to discuss how growing a joyful heart leads to abundant living. Connect with Karen on Facebook. Get your copy of Growing a Joyful Heart: Devotions of Accepting God's Gifts for Abundant Living.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 07 Feb 2024 | 240 Choose A Prayer Style | 00:22:54 | |
Janet McHenry helps us discover our unique prayer personality and begin our journey to an authentic lifestyle of prayer. Take Janet's Prayer Personality Quiz. Get your copy of Praying Personalities: Finding Your Natural Prayer Style.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 29 Mar 2023 | 195 Choose Unraveling | 00:27:34 | |
Sheryl Giesbrecht Turner helps us unravel the lie-knot to find freedom from the tangles of discouragement and deception. Connect with Sheryl on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Unraveling The Lie Knot.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 18 Oct 2023 | 224 Choose Potential | 00:23:26 | |
Esther Hephzibah joins me on this episode to share how we can choose potential and embrace personal development. Get your free copy of Esther's Setting Healthy Boundaries ebook.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 06 Aug 2024 | 266 Choose To Engage | 00:23:26 | |
Bunni Pounds joins Dr. Saundra to discuss the intersection of faith and politics including why all believers should choose to engage in the conversation. Take the pledge to get engaged. Get your copy of Jesus and Politics: One Woman's Walk with God in a Mudslinging Profession.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 11 Sep 2024 | 271 Choose Creation | 00:21:39 | |
Dawn Mann Sanders joins Dr. Saundra to discuss God's creative process in rebuilding your life when the unthinkable happens. Check out Dawn's "Find Your Creative Style" Quiz. Get your copy of When Your World Ends: God's Creative Process for Rebuilding a Life.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 27 Sep 2023 | 221 Choose Shift | 00:22:36 | |
Michelle McKinney Hammond provides encouragement to help us shift into the next seasons of our lives with confidence and peace. Learn about Michelle's upcoming D.I.V.A. Principle conference coming to Chicago Oct 13-14, 2023. Get your copy of When Shift Happens: Say Yes to Your Next!
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 13 Mar 2024 | 245 Choose Longing | 00:23:19 | |
Rachel Miller joins Dr. Saundra to discuss honoring our unmet longing while not becoming a victim of it. Download Rachel Miller's Prayer Guide for Unmet Longing. Get your copy of When It Hurts to Hope: Honest Conversations about Living with Unmet Longing.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 21 Dec 2022 | 181 Choose Rooted | 00:20:00 | |
In this episode, Kathy Howard helps us become more rooted in our faith through a deeper understanding of how to study the Bible. Listen to Dr. Dalton-Smith's first podcast with Kathy here: Connect with Kathy on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Deep Rooted.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 03 Apr 2024 | 248 Choose Seeds | 00:19:42 | |
Lee Ann Mancini joins Dr. Saundra to explain how parents can prepare the ground of their kids' hearts to receive the seed of God's truths. Connect with Lee Ann on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Raising Kids to Follow Christ: Instilling a Lifelong Trust in God.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 24 Jan 2024 | 238 Choose Dance | 00:23:44 | |
Brant Hanson shares how we can choose to find joy and dance while living in a world that sometimes appears to have gone mad. Learn more about the work being done at CURE International Children's Hospitals. Get your copy of Life Is Hard. God Is Good. Let's Dance.: Experiencing Real Joy in a World Gone Mad.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 05 Apr 2023 | 196 Choose Sober | 00:24:05 | |
Jenn Kautsch joins me to share how to choosing a sober-minded lifestyle can lead to greater joy and fulfillment. Check out Jenn's Happy Hour Survival Guide and 21-Day Reset Challenge.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 17 Apr 2024 | 250 Choose Toolkit | 00:23:25 | |
Donna Kincheloe shares ways we can choose to improve our spiritual tool kit and live with more joy. Connect with Donna on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of A Life Just Like Mine: How God and Nursing Turned Past Pain into Present Peace.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 08 Dec 2022 | 179 Choose Breath Prayers | 00:31:15 | |
Jennifer Tucker joins me to share how to choose breath prayers to manage stress and anxiety. Connect with Jenn on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Breath as Prayer.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 21 Aug 2024 | 268 Choose SOS | 00:31:38 | |
In this episode, Mirella Acebo joins us to share SOS for moms finding it hard to manage their emotions. Connect with Mirella on Instagram. Get your copy of SOS for the MOM: A Christian Mom's Guide to Managing Emotions.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 13 Dec 2023 | 232 Choose Reflection | 00:24:57 | |
Dr. Stephanie Foster joins me on this episode to share how we can choose reflection and embrace being the beloved of God. Get your copy of I Am A Beloved Daughter Of God: 90 Day Reflection Journal and get her free resources.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today we're chatting with Dr. Stephanie Foster. She's a leadership strategist who's going to help us understand how we can choose reflection as a part of our own personal leadership. So Dr. Stephanie, thank you so much for joining us. I'd love to learn a little bit more about who you are and the type of work that you do. Dr. Stephanie Foster: Wonderful. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here, Dr. Saundra. I'll start simply. I am a doer, an encourager, and a builder. More specifically, if people want to know about my background, I have a military background. I am now an entrepreneur. As a leadership strategist, what I do is that I help leaders solve hard And innovative problems and do everything from the lens of leadership, whether that's personal or collective leadership. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That's who I am. Now, when I hear the word leadership strategist, I think some of us might be like, I'm not exactly sure what that means. Does that mean you work with corporations, or do you work with individuals, or do you do both? What exactly does a leadership strategist do? Dr. Stephanie Foster: In my way of doing it and being a leadership strategist. I do both. So with individuals, I relish being able to work with our emerging leaders who are already in positions of leadership and they aspire to go to higher levels of leadership their specific questions may include what do I need to do to gain the visibility that I need to have the others understand what I bring in terms of value to the organization. So we come up with strategies for that. Or some may say, I need a particular kind of experience with education, training, or whatever else. So I may help individual leaders move from one level of performance to the next with corporations and companies. I relish having those problems that come that have not been solved before or that are different. And you're as a leader, you have that expectation of being able to take your team. Through whatever it is, the chaos, whatever the situation may call for, and coming to some desired end state. So I work the entire spectrum, but the bottom line is just being able to team with a leader or group of leaders. Understanding what strengths they have, understanding the problem they're facing, and then coming up with strategies for them to use what they have to get to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: where they desire. I love how you take your business and leadership knowledge and you bring it in with the word of God to actually help men and women better understand. Their own personal leadership journeys through the word of God. I know you have quite a few versions of Bible plans that are out there, and you've recently released a new book titled I Am a Beloved Daughter of God. It's a 90-day reflective journal. And I want to know a little bit about that. Where did you decide that the topic of being a daughter of God needed further evaluation? Dr. Stephanie Foster: Dr. Saundra, can I ask you a question? Absolutely. Today, how many positive messages, if you don't mind answering the question, have you received about yourself as an individual? Wow. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Today, none as of right now that I can think of. Dr. Stephanie Foster: And when I think about your sphere, you deal with a lot of people in different places. And if I think of someone else who's watching TV or whatever else, and she is doing her best to be that believer, but there are so many times where we have just a barrage of messages coming towards us that would have us think that we are not. And wonderful as we are made and our uniqueness is not a strength, but there's always something that needs to be fixed. You're not quite there, something that is not right. Where do we get that messaging that there is someone who looks at you on your best days, your worst days and all the in-betweens? And every day, he is looking at you from the eyes of love and acceptance. Understanding and being for you. And what does that do for you to think that no matter what the day presents, you can face it from a position of knowing that you are loved. That is so good. And I wrote it for anyone else who is dealing with those times when you just want to know that you're not alone, that someone is for you, and that someone is someone who can do so much about your situation and get you through. So it was for me and for all women of all ages who want to have that journey of looking at their lives and seeing how no matter where they are and what's going on, their life matters as it is each day, and that they are loved. And that gives them access to the source who can help them get from where they are to where they're going for that next day, next month, next year, whatever the case may be. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Does that make sense? It does, and that's such a great point because I never really think about it like that, but you're right today, I didn't really do much and go very many places so, so I haven't been around a lot of people, but even then it's very it's only certain situations where I get affirming or get congratulations or kudos or those kinds of things certain places certain people, and I realize just as you're stating there are a lot of people, a lot of women who are doing a lot of great things in the world for their family, for their communities, wherever sphere God has them in, who may not hear those words of appreciation. And so being reminded. That we have a father, we have a lover of our soul. We have we are able to get to a place of accepting the belovedness of that relationship, that there is a lot of value in that. When you were writing this book, what did you personally learn from your times of reflection? Dr. Stephanie Foster: I need to think about what I'm thinking about. Dr. Saundra, too often, we, especially me, can just let thoughts run through our minds, and we don't check them. Some of these thoughts, Dr. Saundra, are bad thoughts that we should not allow within the porch of our house if I were to use that illustration of a house. And in the South here, you welcome people to the porch, blah, blah, blah. And if someone comes inside the house to come into the front room, there are different degrees of access. So you let people into your space, but there are some thoughts that we should not even allow on the street in front of the house of our mind. But if we don't think about what we're thinking about, we can nurture those thoughts. That becomes actions and behaviors that don't do us good. That could be harmful. That could be toxic. So what I learned for myself is that as I'm thinking about reflecting and thinking about what is going on in my life and assessing that I'm becoming more aware of those thoughts that are rogue and that are not helping me. And saying stop and do something about it. So that's what I learned this practice of being more aware of what I'm thinking about and then doing something about those thoughts. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I'm still stuck on the first thing you just said. It has my brain all wrapped around the first topic. But yeah, you're so right. I think the way we talk to ourselves and the thoughts we allow to run around our mind, we don't police them; we let them do whatever they want to do. Or, we let our self-talk go in whatever direction it wants to go. And I think, yeah, your very first question to me it made me start thinking also about do I compliment myself. What is my self-talk to myself, about me? I would love to go down that path a little bit. Because I'm sure there are women who are listening, who, as I stated, who maybe no one else has said this week a compliment or something that congratulates them for something they've done. I would love for both of us to think about what is the best compliment we can say about ourselves. Dr. Stephanie Foster: That is so rich. As I think about this topic. I think about us showing up. To me, that is so profound because Many times we may wonder if we have what it takes for whatever the situation may be, but again, understanding the beloved and our relationship with our father, he takes what we give and he can put all of his what extra on that so that what we give and share permits him to have something to do the amazing with. I immediately think of the young boy who brought his lunch to the meeting that was there in the wilderness. for joining us. Now, in my mind's eye, Mom was there, showing up doing what she did. Mom may not have felt particularly happy about it. All right, let me go ahead and get these fish in these loaves. Hey, you're going to take what we got. Go on, baby boy, go to the meeting, blah, blah, blah. But that mom's faithfulness had this little boy with the only food that they had there in that particular situation that Jesus took. Lifted it up, blessed it, and that became that miraculous meal for the 5,000 men. This is one of the several occasions when the 5,000 men plus the family members who were there ate to their fill and then had 12 baskets of food left over. But I go back to someone who was there in that home that provided that young child with that lunch. Probably didn't get a lot of, great job, mom, blah, blah, blah, or, or cheering or whatever else, but that mom was there. So often, I think we are like that in our daily lives. There are things that we do that sometimes you wonder what's the worth of it. But in the big picture, you never know how that is used; that seed of being there to get that harvest of benefits and whoever knows whatever else God will do with it for those on the other side of us being in our places and doing what we did. Yeah, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that. There are so many opportunities for us to look at ourselves and always be in judgment mode, to be in self-improvement, so to speak, mode, looking at what needs to be better, rather than taking an account and reflecting on what already needs to be celebrated. When God looked back at the end of each of the days of creation, He didn't say, Oh, that needs to be improved, and that needs to be better. And I could have done that a little bit better. It was, it is good. And I don't think there's enough. There are good moments in our lives when we stop and reflect at that level of really appreciating goodness. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 23, and it ends, with goodness and mercy will follow you all of the days of your life. Something's following you. How do you see it? You don't really appreciate it till you stop and turn and look to reflect on it. So I love this. I love how your journal, I am a beloved daughter of God, is really based around taking 90 days of doing just that, reflecting on the goodness of God, being loved, and reflecting on how God views us. What would you say is the benefit of having a Life motto or a life verse that you're using during these times of reflection? Dr. Stephanie Foster: It prompts me to, do something about it is one of my life challenges. It's easy to hear accounts of different things that are happening and to say, wow, that's sad. Wow, that's bad, you fill in the blank, but it takes. It's another level when you think about, okay, that's not right. That should not be. And the next part is, what can I do about this? What am I going to do about this? If I am touched by this, particularly if it moves me to great lengths. Anger, sometimes sadness, you fill in the blank. What am I going to do about that? Because someone is being impacted by that. So am I God's heart in that situation of being able to say I know someone who can do this, or I know that I can do blah, blah, blah. Do something about it. Don't leave it that same way. So, for me, it makes me more engaged. With my faith, because so many people ask about it, how relevant is your faith in your daily life? Oh, it is so relevant. For example, if you go to a hospital, I don't know if anyone has had this particular situation, but I guess if you have and if you go there. You've got a loved one who's in a serious situation, and you happen to see one of those healthcare professionals, and they look at you, really look at you, and see you. And they do something as simple as offering you a warm blanket. I come to love that. When I had family members who were there, there's nothing like being in a cool hospital room; you're there with your loved one, one of those healthcare professionals said, look, I just got this warm blanket for you and put it around your shoulders. And it's just that simple. Gesture makes you know that, wow, I matter. My family matters simple things. No one said you must pull out your Bible and quote scriptures and everything else. That's wonderful and amazing, but you could do something as simple as smiling, whatever it is that lets someone know that their presence matters. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: One of the things that I loved from your work and this devotional is the ability to help us to see how God's super comes onto our natural, as you mentioned, even with something as simple as. Just showing some kindness to someone within the hospital or or doing what some people would look at as a very small act. But that actually can help people feel connected, comforted, and like God has seen them and that God cares through our small natural acts that we do when he brings his super on top of it. So I would love to hear from you about one of that. You have some questions that you have as part of your reflection process. And I'd love to hear your answer to a couple of these questions. And one of them is what your superpower is. What would you say is your superpower? What's the thing God puts his super upon that you to do in the natural? Dr. Stephanie Foster: Getting things done, Dr. Saundra, and that's part of me as a leadership strategist. And I think that's just how he created me. And that's why I say I'm a doer. All of that fits together. So if it's something that I haven't done before, I will seek help and all. But even if I get with a group of professionals and they say, we don't know how to do this or whatever else. I'm not going to stop there. It's okay, what do we know? And let's take some steps, and let's move out. Let's figure this out. We'll pray. We'll move. We'll pray. We'll move. But I am one who if given a mission or something to do, I am going to do my absolute best to team with my people to get it done. Us working together. How do we get it done? Understanding what we have and that's a big thing, too. I'm really good at looking at what I have, looking at what it is I need to get to, and figuring out how we're going to make this work. It may not always be pretty, but that's okay. We're working together, we're growing, and we are progressing. That's what I do. I get things done. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that. I looked at that question, and I thought, what is my superpower? It really makes you think. It makes you stop and evaluate your past, your present, your gifts, your talents, the things you like to do, and the things you don't like doing. And the things where you see God's grace come upon it, which I really believe is what is at the core of a superpower. God's grace and his. anointing, his power comes upon something that for you feels like just what you do. And I would probably say for myself, when I looked at that, I was like, what is my superpower? The thing that came to mind, my superpower, is communication. I love communicating hard stuff in a way that is easier for people to understand. That's been part of my success as a physician because people come in. I live in a small town where not everybody's PhD. Some people literally will say, I didn't make it out of grade school. And. To be able to communicate health care issues and different things to them in a way that they understand, I truly believe that's not something that I do in my own strength, but it's something that God's grace comes upon, and it makes it that superpower. So here's another question for you. How would you describe yourself in one word? Doer. Dr. Stephanie Foster: Doer. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I agree with that. Knowing you, Dr. Stephanie, I do agree with that. You have a can-do attitude. I'm trying to think of one word. It's hard. It's, and you had the benefit of writing the book. Reflecting on some of these questions. Honestly, some of these questions really take a moment. To step back and really ponder. I have seen that question just recently, I have to think about that one for a minute. It's hard to describe yourself in one word in your book. When someone is going through these 90 days of reflection, what did you hope for them to come away with so they could finish up those 90 days of your devotional? I am a beloved daughter of God. One Dr. Stephanie Foster: of the takeaways I want for them is to have had this time to look at certain dimensions of their life and be able to see the good in it. I didn't say the perfect. I didn't say the best, but to see the good in it and then how they were able to deal with this, because if you had some situations where you wanted particular change, did you do it? Many people say you can go through that three-step thing of the what, what's going on. The so what? And then the now what? And so if they could make it through those three steps, I'd be just cheering them on from the book and everything else because that's what it's about. That's personal leadership, where you look at your life and evaluate, assess, and identify. Are there some self-limiting aspects to that? Do I want to stay in the same place? The choice is so huge. I have the ability to choose to think and do differently. So if they take that journey from the what, the so what, and the now what, that would be absolutely amazing. But the main thing among all of that, though, is to know that it's all anchored in God's love. He loves me as I am today. He knows me completely. He sees me. No filters, and he accepts me completely. I just want to get to one page here to let them know it's like a love sandwich if you will, because the beginning of it has Psalms 139 18, and this is the passion translation. It says every moment you are thinking of me, how precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought. When I awake each morning, you're still with me. So, in the beginning, you, as you start your day out, start with love. God is saying, I love you. My thoughts towards you are wonderful. At the end of the day, it's a reminder of God's steadfast love for me. Isaiah 54:10 is from the new living translation for the mountains may move, and the hills disappear. But even then, my faithful love for you will remain. So as you close your eyes, no matter what you've done that day, he's saying, I love you. Start out the day. I love you. You go through the day in the day. I love you. That's what's so beautiful to me about it. I call it a love sandwich. No matter what's in between, that love has not changed. It's not going away. You are his Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: beloved child. Amen. We arise with love, and we go to bed with love. We've been chatting with Dr. Stephanie Foster. She's the author of the book. I am a beloved daughter of God. I want to make sure people know how to contact you, Dr. Stephanie, and how to get a copy of your newest book. Wonderful. Dr. Stephanie Foster: It's on Amazon. So all you have to do is you could put in my name. Dr. Stephanie L. Foster at the first drop down, and with the books, it'll take you there. I believe it's the first one of the entries. Also, my website has the information: https://www.intentionallymellc.org/ Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: We will link to Dr. Stephanie's book as well as to her website in the show notes so that you'll be able to get in contact with her as well as learn about some of the many different plans that she has for your version and her latest book, her 90-day reflective journal. I am a beloved daughter of God. Dr. Stephanie, thank you so much for joining us today. Dr. Stephanie Foster: Thank you for this opportunity. It has been my pleasure. Thank you, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Dr. Saundra. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 18 Jan 2023 | 185 Choose Resilience | 00:24:58 | |
Chris Morris shares how maturity in your faith doesn't equal mental health stability and how choosing resilience can be a key to mental well-being. Get a copy of Chris's free eBook: MENTAL HEALTH MEDITATIONS.
Get your copy of Whispers in the Pews.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 14 Feb 2024 | 241 Choose Leadership | 00:30:52 | |
Dr. Tim Elmore joins me on this episode to help us identify leadership qualities in ourselves and those around us. Connect with Dr. Tim on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of I Can't Wait.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 10 Jan 2024 | 236 Choose Trust | 00:25:03 | |
In this episode, Dr. Tope Keku joins me to discuss how we can choose to trust God when we face bitterness, unforgiveness, and resentment in our relationships. Take Dr. Tope's Healthy Marriage Quiz. Get your copy of Weathering Storms: Finding Treasures in the Ruins.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life, where today we're going to be chatting about trust in our marriage. How do we get over hard situations? How do we keep staying faithful to the one we said yes to? And I have with me today Dr. Tope Keku, who is a certified life and marriage coach, as well as an author, speaker, and Bible teacher. To help us with this journey so that we can stay faithful, even during times of difficulty. Tope, welcome to the show. Dr. Tope Keku: Thank you, Dr. Sandra. Thank you for having me Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: here. I know most of the time when someone writes a book or goes deep into a topic, there's usually some backstory to it. So I'd love for you to begin by sharing a little bit about who you are and your journey in this topic. Dr. Tope Keku: Okay. So a little bit of a back story about me is that I am a child of God. And I'm passionate about helping women find their way out of these terms of life. And how did I get to this place? A little bit is that I am from Nigeria. Originally, I was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria. I grew up in a Christian home, always known the Lord since I was a child, I've always known the Lord. But at age seven, I gave my life to Christ. And this will make sense in a minute. So I just need to give you a little bit of this backstory so you can understand where I'm coming from. I gave my life at age seven, was raised in a Christian home, and always had a relationship with the Lord. There's never a time that I can remember that I haven't had a relationship with the Lord. One thing that sets that relationship about is that when I was four years old, I started to have dreams and visions, and I would share them with my parents. And when I shared those dreams and visions my parents did, I didn't understand what they meant. But they would. Take it seriously. They would help me. And this kind of taught me to nurture that. So that became what began my relationship with the Lord one-on-one. And then seeing my parents for us to model that. Daily living in faith was a backdrop to where I am today as a Christian and as a child of God. Now, fast forward to my marriage. My husband and I came to the U. S. from Nigeria. We went to school here. Both of us went to graduate schools here. And we got involved in the American life. Just, the good old American life taking care of family, running daily, working hard, trying to make ends meet, all of that. But we lost something vital in relationships. And that's connection. We lost that. And so as we lost that, that became then a bone of contention, a lot of arguments, a lot of back and forth, and just the peace was out the window. And so, for me, where my comfort is in the Lord. So that's why I needed to give you that background. So I went back to the Lord. And I said I don't understand what is going on here. And because we had hit this crisis point where it was constant tension, I decided to leave for two weeks. And as I left for two weeks, it wasn't just, I'm done. I'm out of here for me. It's, I want to gain clarity. My heart is always towards the Lord. What do you want to do here? What are you doing here? And so, while going away for two weeks, I was fasting, praying, reading the word, listening, and asking the Lord a lot of questions. And in that process, he began to show me what would happen. What would happen? If I trusted him, and the question he asked me was, will you trust me? And you might say, did you hear him audibly? No, I didn't hear him audibly. I didn't hear audibly, but he came to me again. The way he speaks to me is in dreams. He came through two dreams. The first dream was in that dream. I saw a road. It was a paved road. It looked beautiful. But then suddenly, there was a big break in the road. And it was, I was like, how am I even going to cross? So I'm standing there thinking, how will I get to the other side of this? This is terrible. This is a mess. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, I saw these big, heavy trucks coming, and they began to fill in the roads. They began to repair it. And then I woke up. And when I woke up, I said, Lord, what does this mean? Are you trying to tell me that you will repair my marriage? If I will trust Jesus, what are you saying? I still didn't get a clear answer, but I had a sense that this was where he was bleeding. And then, if that wasn't enough, he showed me in his second dream, what again, where his heart is in all of this. And in that second dream, I saw a big body of water, and in that big body of water, there was a big snake. If you know me, I do not like snakes. I don't know about you, but I do not like snakes anywhere. This snake was huge. It was huge around like a truck. It was as big as a truck, and it had many colors and many layers to it. And this snake was moving, you know, when they say as slow as molasses? This snake was moving ever so slowly, coming towards me. And I was like, Lord, please make it go away, make it go away. And then suddenly, it turned ever so elegantly, if you can say something like that, ever so elegantly turned around and started moving away. Then my son came and threw a rock in the water, and the snake again did that like he was going to turn and look towards me, but then changed his mind and then just continued to go away, and then I woke up, and I was like, Lord, wow, what are you saying? And then I heard again in my spirit, not audibly, but in my spirit, will you trust me? This situation is bigger than yours. It's not even about you. But will you trust me to walk with you through it? My word didn't say that you would not have any trouble. It didn't say that you will not have trials. It said that even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will walk with you. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. I love how you bring in your relationship with God and even how you process with God because I think sometimes we forget to inquire of the Lord in our situation, so I love how you bring in the dreams and just how he speaks to you. One of the things I think that's so important is, I, there's Most of us who are married have had those moments in our relationship when hard stuff happens and when it happens, depending on kind of our own personality and how open we are to correction and to being able to listen to how Holy Spirit is leading us. That can sometimes play such a big role. When you talk about trusting God, what does that mean to you Exactly. Dr. Tope Keku: Wow. Trusting God is fundamental. It's trusting God means I believe that He is who He says he is, that He will do what He says He will do that even if I have my doubts and my questions, which of course I did have, so I will not lie to you, I had a lot of questions, but it's bringing them to Him. And one of the things that really helps me is David. David in the Psalms. Look at Psalm 13. David is not sugarcoating what he's feeling, what he's thinking, what he's going through. How long, Lord? How long will you forget me here? And so if David, who is the man after God's heart, could Ask those fundamental questions. It gave me freedom. I found freedom in the Psalms to be able to come to the Lord with my questions. Lord, I've worked with you for a long time. I've known you. I've served you. I've done all this. Why are you still letting all these things happen? Why is all this going on? What are you doing here? But then the Lord brought me to this place. You're asking the wrong question. So good. It's not why. Ask me what I am doing in this situation. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I Want to go deeper into that because you talk about, when all of this was going on with your marriage, you took a moment to step back. Which, some people will say you should stay put and try to work it out. But I think there's some wisdom sometimes in putting a little bit of separation so that you don't keep escalating the toxicity. Sometimes, you have to work on yourself for a minute before you can work on us as a couple. Yeah. So, when you took that time to step away, what did God show you during that time? And how did you progress after he asked you that question? Do you trust me? Dr. Tope Keku: Yeah, that's a very good question. While I was going away for those two weeks, I reached out to a really good friend. I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have a few close friends. So, I reached out to one particular friend that I know. I can trust her with this situation, and I can trust that she hears the Lord's will. So I reach out to her, and I say, Hey, listen, here's what's going on. Do you mind praying along with me? And whatever the Lord tells you, do not lie to me. You come back and tell me what you're hearing. And so half that time, while I was fasting and praying, she was also fasting and praying along and praying. And then she called me one day. She says, talk by, I'm not hearing that you should leave your marriage. What I'm hearing is you should stay put and trust the Lord. So that was confirmation. So I, then I thanked him. I said thank you for sharing that because you just confirmed what the Lord's shown me, and this is how he's shown me. And then the next part, once, once I got that confirmation, it was like, okay, I'm staying put. Now, Lord, what, how do we go from here? And then the Lord began to show me it's not even about my marriage. You think you know what the problem is, right? Many times we think when we're married, we think, ah, here's the problem. I'm not the problem. The Lord did an about turn-up, bringing a big floodlight into my own issues and my own gaps. And one of the key things was I didn't know who I was. I was living according to who I profess to be. I didn't know my identity in Christ. And he began to show me layers of bitterness, layers of unforgiveness. All of this nasty stuff that we had to admit about ourselves. He began to show that. And so the marriage took a back seat. It was; he was going to work on me first. And whatever he was going to do with the marriage was not of consequence right here. We're going to deal with me and my issues first. And then we can talk about anything else. So that began my journey of me. Finding my identity, rediscovering my identity in Christ, and embracing it. So, it's been a journey of discovering my identity in Christ, embracing forgiveness, cultivating intimacy with him, and having gratitude and hope. Every day, having hope. And I can expand more on those key treasures that he showed me during that time. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That's so good. I think so often you're absolutely right. When something like this happens, and we're in a relationship with other people, it's so easy to look at them and say they did this and this, they're wrong here, and God, fix them. God works on their heart. It's easy to look at. Like you said, we're shining the spotlight on them. And we resist that, that need to actually look at ourselves and reflect on our own part in the situation and how we're actually helping to perpetuate some of the problems. And it's so needed. I think sometimes we rush into relationships; none of us like to be alone, so to speak. So I have, I sometimes fear that. Especially when I'm sitting, and I'm talking to single friends that they want a spouse or they want a family. Sometimes I feel like we rush into relationships before we actually do the self work that needs to be done. And I feel like a lot of marriages have run into that problem because you find the person before you've actually found yourself, before you've actually taken the time to actually get that identity confirmed in your heart. I want to address something that I think. Most of us would have an issue with, when God says, trust me in a situation, it's usually because we're not trusting him in that area. So there's some resistance and hesitation and a little bit of pulling back because of, maybe because of fear, maybe because of past experiences, I don't know. How did you overcome that? Because for him to say, trust me, there had to be some trust disconnect initially. Dr. Tope Keku: Yeah, so to trust him didn't mean that I didn't trust him on my own level. Trust is in layers. So, we trust in layers. When we first get to know someone, we cannot trust him a little bit. And then, the more we get to trust them, the more we get to know them, then we can begin to trust and think about. the 12 disciples and the three that were in Jesus's innermost circle. He trusted all the 12, but then he brought this into his inner trust. So what I sensed the Lord was inviting me into is that place of deeper trust in him. Not that I didn't have the truth, but to come deeper into a place of deeper trust in him. And, in that process, trusting him was going beyond just Checking off the box. So, performance was a key thing for me. Oh, we've done that, right? But trusting him meant I had to let go of the performance. I had to let go of, and I'm checking off the box, but coming truly into a place of sitting at his feet and being willing to listen, willing to allow him to show me new things and embracing those new things that he's showing me about myself, about himself and about myself. Where he's at work in this situation and what he wants to do in the future. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love how you described that it's not that you necessarily didn't trust him, but he was taking you into a deeper level of trust, a deeper level of intimacy and relationship. And that's such a great kind of visual picture of the relationship that Jesus had with the disciples versus those. Three, who are in a deeper level of relationship with him. So I want to get some details about some of the key lessons and revelations that you learned during this journey about yourself and about your identity in Christ. Dr. Tope Keku: During this journey, I learned that I am a caring person, but everything is always conditional. My love was conditional. If you did this for me, then I did this for you. If you did that and that, that has no; if you know that the Lord loves us unconditionally, that has no place in his kingdom. And so he's winning me off of that. And he showed me that my identity is not in my performance. He helped me to see that my. What am I doing at two separate things? My who is secure in him. I don't have to stride. I don't have to all of this running to get the American dream chasing after the wind. I didn't need all that. I just needed to know who I am in him, and everything else that I do flows out of that. So, my identity as a child of God is that I am loved beyond measure. I'm beloved by name. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am blessed. I am, I am approved. So I don't need to seek other people's approval. Oh, if I do this, or if I do that for them, they will like me. If I do this, there's no people-pleasing in this kingdom. Be secure. He taught me to be secure in who I am in him. And for me, this is a daily battle because the enemy knows this is my struggle. And so, one of the things that I learned during that time was that the Lord took me on a journey for three months. I studied every day, Ephesians one, verses three to 14. And I read that out aloud. I wrote down those. Key points on a note card stuck on a wall in my bathroom, and I still had those in my bathroom. I dress up in them every day, even this morning. I affirm to myself that this is who I am. And so that, for me, is a place of security. And then everything else that, if my identity as a mom is threatened, my identity as a wife is threatened, my identity as a colleague, as a friend, as whoever is threatened. Those can be threatened, but this stays. And without getting to this, a lot more that I could ship, but without getting to all of that, every identity that I ever thought was my identity, all of those have been shaking. Marriage and finances have been shaking. Work has been shaking. What else? Health has been shaking. Any identity that, anything that I could just put my identity in, they've all been stripped, including homelessness. And so that for me has helped me to stay secure in this and to know without a shadow of a doubt, I am loved by the father. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Oh, that's beautiful. And you had to work through some things. I know there were five specific areas that you mentioned, including bitterness and unforgiveness, resentment, anger, and communication. I'm sure there's somebody who's listening right now who has either walked. They went through similar journeys and are still in that healing process within their marriage. Or there might be someone who's married right now, who's thinking, you know what? I don't know if I need to go away for a couple of weeks, a month, or somewhere in between there, but I need out. What are some strategies and insights that you have that address these issues of our own heart that need to be mended to help improve our relationships? Dr. Tope Keku: I think the key is to do that work with the Lord, not to, yes, the marriage may have problems. Yes, you may have relational issues with whatever, but leave that alone for a while and just focus on yourself and the Lord. Lord, where am I with you? Where are we at? How is our relationship? Because when that vertical is settled, then all the other horizontal relationships will fall in alignment. And so it's going to the Lord, getting that identity, securing him, embracing that identity, and then the forgiveness of the resentment, the bitterness. I would be honest. It doesn't go away in one day. So unforgiveness was a key thing. I have both resentment and unforgiveness. And every day, I would say, I can't do it. I just can't. I can't forgive. There's no way I can do this. This is too hard. And one day, while I was running, I saw a vision of Jesus Christ on the cross. I was coming up this hill, and I saw that picture. I was like, ah, and it broke my heart because I could see myself as one of the ones who put him there. And if he did that to redeem me, then who am I to say I can't forgive? And so I just said to him, Lord, I ask your help. Help me to forgive. I can't do it. Help me to. I surrender my need to be right. I surrender my need to fix this. Help me to forgive. And it didn't happen overnight. But slowly, the bitterness, the unforgiveness, went away as I kept asking him for it. And one thing I would say, how do you know that you're no longer resentful? You're no longer harboring unforgiveness. When you think about whatever the issue is that is creating the crisis, you. If you no longer have any emotional triggers, then you're forgiven. You're forgiven the issue. It does not register on an emotional scale. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: We're chatting with Dr. Tope Akiku. She is a life and marriage coach and the author of a devotional book titled Weathering Storms, Finding Treasures in the Ruins. Tope, I would love for you to share a little bit about your book and just what readers would find when they dive into this devotional. Dr. Tope Keku: My book, Weathering Storms, was written to help women, so it captures some of the things that we've talked about. It's a 90-day devotional, and it was written to help women who are going through life's storms to get a heart for God in their situation. They will find. Devotions that help them to take hold of their identity. Devotions that help them to deal with forgiveness. Devotions that call them to deeper intimacy into their secret place with God. Devotions that help them to cultivate gratitude on the journey. And then devotions that help them to embrace hope. To always expect that something great is going to happen. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes, I know Toby has a real heart for helping women find their identity in Christ, renew their confidence, and help build those relationships back up so they can have those full lives in Christ, those John 10, 10 lives. So, Tobe, I want to make sure people know how to connect with you and learn more about your book and your other resources because you're also a speaker, and you do quite a bit of training as well with courses. Dr. Tope Keku: Yeah, so people can find me on my website at hidden treasures and riches.com. They can also find all the resources there for the podcast, the coaching, speaking, and course courses as well. I have a free offering for your listeners today. If you wanna find out the health of your marriage, I have a quiz, a healthy Marriage quiz. It's at hidden treasures and riches.com. Forward slash quiz. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. And I'll be sure to include the links to your books as well as your website and your freebie, the quiz. I think that's something all of us would benefit from just seeing where our marriages are and what we can do to help make them and ourselves stronger. Toby, I want to thank you so much for joining me, and I'm going to give you the final words today before we close. If someone's listening right now and they are just in that place where they are struggling with any kind of relationship. What encouragement do you have for them? Dr. Tope Keku: Today, if you're listening and struggling in your relationship, I want you to know that there is hope. God loves you powerfully. He loves you personally, and he loves you passionately and never loses hope. Embrace your identity in him. Get alone with him. And lastly, get in a community of believers, people who are going to help you along this journey. It's not meant to be a journey that you go through alone. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Until next time, everyone, live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 30 Aug 2023 | 217 Choose Romance | 00:30:39 | |
This week Pam and Bill Farrel join Dr. Saundra to share ways couples can choose romance and overcome their communication hurdles. Download Pam and Bill's Fantastic and Fun Romantic Date Ideas. Get your copy of Men Are Like Waffles Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 14 Aug 2024 | 267 Choose Flavors | 00:27:54 | |
Kim Korte and Dr. Saundra discuss the flavors of emotions and how you can choose your best yummy savory sweet life. Connect with Kim on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Yucky Yummy Savory Sweet: Understanding the Flavors of Emotions.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 08 Feb 2023 | 188 Choose Savoring | 00:26:35 | |
In this episode, Natalie Jobity shares how we tap into our brilliance when we choose to savor. Connect with Natalie on Twitter and Instagram. Get your copy of It’s Your Time to Shine Girl.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 26 Jun 2024 | 260 Choose Five | 00:20:53 | |
Dr. Robert Marbut joins Dr. Saundra to share the challenge of homelessness and how we can best support those in this situation by chosing the big five. Learn how you can be the first to see the movie when it releases Fall 2024. Get your copy of No Address: An Interactive Study Guide.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 24 Apr 2024 | 251 Choose Partnership | 00:12:45 | |
Debbie Ryan joins Dr. Saundra to discuss how choosing a health partnership can improve your physical, mental, and financial health. Learn more about how Christian Care Ministry can help. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 03 May 2023 | 200 Choose Daring Faith | 00:29:45 | |
Dr. Saundra celebrates her 200th episode with guest Ken Harrison discussing how to choose daring faith in a cowardly world.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 03 Jul 2024 | 261 Choose Belonging | 00:21:54 | |
Cherie Denna and Dr. Saundra discuss the importance of belonging and its role in helping us heal from past trauma. Connect with Cherie on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Beloved Outcast.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 29 Nov 2023 | 230 Choose Questions | 00:19:46 | |
Sandra Joseph helps us reevaluate our questions to God and choose to seek the questions He is asking us. Get Sandra's Journaling Guide to help you ask God better questions. Get your copy of What He Asks: My Journey of Finding God Faithful Through Chronic Illness.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome everyone. This is Dr. Sandra and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today I'm chatting with Sandra Joseph and we're going to talk about what does it look like to stay in a place of faith when dealing with a chronic illness. And Sandra is joining us today to discuss her journey with the diagnosis of type 1 diabetes and how God has met her in this process. So Sandra. Thank you so much for joining me. Sandra Joseph: I'm so thrilled to be here and there's nothing safer than being with a doctor, right? So I feel well cared for. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I want to hear more about your story. I know that this has been a journey that you have been on for years and that you have learned a lot about God in the process. Let's start a little bit about just what was it like when you first got to this place where you realized. That type two type one rather diabetes was going to be a ongoing part of your life. Sandra Joseph: It was in a very tender time in my life. I was married one week at 21. I married my college sweetheart. And we had been married a week came home on our honeymoon, I dropped 14 pounds on our honeymoon, was extremely tired on our honeymoon. And my mom took one look at me and said Something's wrong. And back then, this is 1981, and back then they had something called doctor books, where they were encyclopedias Of diet what do I want to say? Symptoms. And those symptoms, she went through those books until she found out what I had. And it's not like we had Google back then. And she called my husband and I, one week married, and said, you need to get her to the emergency room right away. I went into the hospital with a blood sugar of 840. And extremely sick young woman, new marriage, new town, new apartment, new job, everything brand new and a total life change in so many ways at that point. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now, where was your faith at the time all of this happened? Were you already someone who believed in God and had a relationship with Jesus or were you still investigating that part of your life at that time? Sandra Joseph: No, I was a good little church girl. I'd grown up going to church. I loved Sunday school. I love church. I went to a Christian college. I married the student Senate president. We were the ideal couple, and so I was very surprised that God was not yeah. Blessing all of our goodness, like I had been a good girl. Where was God living up to my end of the bargain and getting diagnosed one week after you were married was not part of what I thought a good God would do. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love where this conversation is going because now we're getting really in the real part of the journey, the part where our questions arise and we start doubting things. And sometimes we even start doubting God. And you actually have a book that is titled What He Asked, My Journey of Finding God Faithful. Through chronic illness, how did you deal with the questions, those very same questions that you just mentioned? Sandra Joseph: I had a lot of questions for God and I was not very happy with God, and I was not very happy with my life, and I was not nothing was right, and because I had really had a lot of expectations for marriage, a lot of expectations for what our life would look like, and so when God didn't meet all those expectations, I was extremely disappointed, and it really disappointed me. But I found over time, and this I'm talking years, I'm not talking a few weeks or a few months, and I just gave in. I am talking years of trying to figure out who God is, why he would allow this to happen, and what he wanted from me, and instead of maybe asking him questions, allowing him to ask me questions. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I think that's an interesting concept to take all of our questions, all of our doubts, all of our fears, all of those things that pop up when something like this happens in our life. Something that we can't explain is something that for us doesn't seem to make sense to then open ourselves up to what he's asking of us. What are some of the questions that God asked of you? Sandra Joseph: Some of the questions that God asked of me was the first one he asked Adam and Eve. Where are you? He wanted to know where I was. He wanted to know where I was physically, where I was emotionally, where I was spiritually. And until I could start working through those questions, where am I? Where am I? That, could I even begin to understand who he was? Because I had to understand where I was. And I was angry. I was bitter. I was frustrated. I thought I deserved better. I thought I should be God and he should come alongside to give me what I wanted. I Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: think we've all felt that at some point in our journey that God, this is how it works when we serve you. We have a life that does not have any difficulty that doesn't have any struggle but we know that's not biblical. That's not what the word of God says. It actually says the opposite that in this world, we will have those moments, right? Exactly. We will have those moments, but he's still faithful. How did you get back on track from? the questions, the fears to a place where we're now 40 plus years into having type one diabetes. Not only are you helping people with chronic illness embrace the truth of their faith and the goodness of God, but you also are an advocate for diabetes awareness. How did you make that transition? Sandra Joseph: I told, I remember telling my husband, I'm either going to leave this faith. Because I don't really like who this God has shown himself to be or I'm going to dig in and I'm going to get to know him. And obviously that was God gently drawing me in and sometimes hitting me over the head, drawing me in to say, get to know me, not who you want me to be, but get to know me. And as he would beckon me each day, come sit with me and start reading my word. And I would read it. And maybe in a child's Bible to begin with, or I remember having a woman's devotional Bible, and I just loved the stories from the women would write in that devotional. Or, then I'd move to a study Bible. I would begin to doing Bible studies, but I got to know him as opposed to what I. Wanted him to be. And as I got to know him, and reading a lot of books, John A. Erickson taught a great role model The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom, just really grew my faith. And so those are the things that started to shape who I knew God to be and what he was asking of me. And realizing that it was his purposes at work, not my dream life that I had wanted. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now, under all of this is the relationship that we have with others when we're in a state of some type of chronic disease. What impact did this have on any of your relationships, either your marriage or even other relationships that you have? Sandra Joseph: For years, I would go around asking people to. To show me that they cared and they just couldn't, they just couldn't, they just couldn't enter into that pain with me and I could read, sitting, cornering a pastor and asking him why this might happen or spending time with mentors and just lamenting that God had allowed this in our lives, just there was so much pain I used to say that I used to just like Dump on people and they just look at me and go, Oh, I don't you'll be okay. You'll be okay. And back away because they didn't know what else to do again. It was finding that from like first Peter says cast your cares on. Him because he cares for you. When I realized he understood best what I was going through, where I was at, he knew what was going through my mind. And even better than that, he knew how my body was handling, uh, the insulin that day or the exercise I was doing that day or the food that I was eating. He knew it so much more than my husband or anyone. Yes, I do Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: think people sometimes struggle with really understanding what it's like to live with a chronic disease. If you've never, if you've never taken care of someone with a chronic illness or you've never personally had one, it can be hard to know how to help and how to support them because you don't really know how to enter into even the conversation sometimes. What are some of the struggles and fears that you work through when you are living with a chronic illness? Sandra Joseph: All I need is for a commercial to come on about diabetes and anymore because there are so many diabetes drugs they come on about every four or five minutes and they always list heart disease, kidney disease, blindness, and all of a sudden I can be sitting there and I can suddenly allow that into my mind and it can change me from an enjoyable evening to one where suddenly I'm filled with fear. A doctor's appointment can do that for me. All it takes for me is to wake up and something doesn't feel quite right. What's going on? Where, yeah, what do I, how do I need to manage it? So the fear is a constant companion. One of the things you don't understand about a chronic illness is the dailiness of it. You don't take a break. You don't take a vacation. You don't get an opportunity to eat a meal and not cover it with insulin. You don't get an opportunity to just go exercise without looking at where you're at, how much insulin you have on board, and how much energy are you going to output. It just is a constant daily thing that you never escape. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now at this time in your life with the work that you do with women and the different ways you've learned how to minister to people with chronic illness, what advice would you give to those of us who want to be more supportive? Are there questions that we could ask or ways that we could approach the conversations so that we don't want people to feel as if we feel like they can't take care of themselves or that they're helpless in any way? We want to be supportive without being overbearing. Sandra Joseph: That's great. I'm so glad you asked that. So you can ask questions. All you want. As long as you're willing to listen. If you really want to know, then ask questions and listen. But if you don't really want to know, it's okay not to ask. It truly is. I'd say one of the big things. And when diabetics get together, we like to share horror stories. And that is of the stories people have told us. I cannot. Tell you the number of times I've been told about great Aunt Sally, who lost both of her legs, who was blind, she just was very sweet and I will take a, I will walk away from that and I will have to work through that fear of becoming like Aunt Sally. The other thing you can do is to pray right there on the spot. And there's some certain things you can pray for, pray that the medicine works right. Pray for insurance issues. I just dealt with an insurance issue a couple, an hour ago. Supplies, durable medical supplies that need to come. That is an ongoing thing. You can pray for my family. As they have patience to deal with this, that my husband will have kindness towards me and you can pray that God will use this chronic illness for his goodness. The 2 Corinthians 1 talks about how the God of compassion treats us with compassion. So we can treat others with that same compassion. I need to be extending that compassion to others, that hope, that joy, that life is meant to be Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: lived. Yes, and with November being Diabetes Awareness Month, I think this is a great time to, to even share some of the statistics. What is it that you've learned regarding the statistics as it relates to diabetes in America? Sandra Joseph: Right now about 11 percent of all Americans are dealing with some type of diabetes, whether that's whether that's type one or type two or a family member with diabetes, that's a huge number and the epidemic of it is just really growing. And there's also a whole section I'm not going to pull up this statistic right away but of people who have pre-diabetes that don't even know that they have it. And I am telling you especially type two, because you can be a, you can get away with a little more like that. I've just sat with some people in the last couple of weeks who have had type two diabetes that have some horrific complications that because they weren't taking insulin, they didn't have to think about it quite as intensively. Sandra Joseph: The other statistic is that it is a chronic illness and a lot of people will say, Oh, diabetes is no big deal. That is not true. Diabetes affects your internal organs. It affects blindness, kidneys, heart disease. A lot of your heart illness and heart disease is from type one diabetes or type two. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes, I think it's important to if you're not to get regular physicals from your physician once a year is recommended, particularly if you're someone over the age of 40, just to be able to have routine lab work, a routine fasting blood test can give some initial information about whether or not your hemoglobin is elevated. And if it is elevated, then they can do what's called a hemoglobin A1c to give a little bit more detail about whether or not you're in prediabetes, or diabetic range, and then other testing can follow from there. So I think it's really important to get those routine physicals, even if you feel perfectly normal. Oftentimes you can be pre-diabetic and have zero symptoms whatsoever. Or Sandra mentioned she was already fully diabetic by the time she was diagnosed with a glucose of over 800, which for those who don't know, Typically it should be well under 200, even if you've eaten like a full brownie or something. So 800 is quite high. So you want to make sure that you are monitoring those things. And I just love that, you can be diagnosed with a chronic illness, but you can still have hope. You can still enjoy your life. It is not a, it is not a diagnosis unto death. It is one that you have to. Absolutely. Sandra is when you have to lay claim to that you are going to do the things needed. And I want you, Sandra, to share a little bit about what are some of the health tips that you've learned as a type one diabetic that you would like to share with anyone else who either knows someone who's diabetic one or two or just wants to continue to live a healthy life. Sandra Joseph: Get as much information as you can. And a diabetes educator is your, it should be your best friend. She will have all the information on all the newest. Insulins, syringes, pumps, CGMs, all that is just. I want, she's your doctor will guide, but the diabetes educator is, she's just key to all of that. Let people know. And for years, I wouldn't let anybody know. I just kept it really close, you collapse a couple of times and people are going to know, hey, you need some help. And it's okay to say, when you're traveling or whatever. I think I need some help. We all need help every once in a while. And I just want to tell that I met Dr. Sandra at a recent retreat and I sat down beside her to have a meal and she said to me My, that's a wonderful meal for a diabetic. And that was like putting a little feather in my cap. Wow. Okay. Like I wasn't sitting there because I was expecting her to give me a compliment, but those kinds of compliments just go really long ways. Okay. I'm eating protein. I'm eating some complex carbs. I'm eating a healthy fat. Okay, I can go on and do this again for lunch. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Absolutely. I think as a physician, my eye is very mindful of those kind of things. We've been chatting with Sandra Joseph. She's the author of What He Asked, My Journey of Finding God Faithful Through Chronic Illness. Sandra, I want to make sure people know how to connect with you and how to get a copy of your book. Sandra Joseph: Thank you for allowing me to share this. You can find my book at whatheask. com and on there you can also find the journaling guide of the questions that God asks his people that are listed in the book. And those are the questions of where are you? How'd you get here? Who do you say God is? And do you want to be healed? Those are all great questions. And of course you can find me on social media at Sandra Joseph. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: So we will link to her websites as well as to her book directly so that for those of you who want to have a copy, I think it's important if you're living with chronic illness, or if you have someone who you love who is dealing with a chronic illness and maybe in this situation like Sandra mentioned, where they're battling a little bit with their faith, I think it's important to come alongside them, let them know there's no shame in feeling that, I think anyone would feel that, but they're there. Thank you. There is an opportunity to then transition from that feeling of fear and doubt back to a place of hope and trust. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly and rest intentionally.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 20 Mar 2024 | 246 Choose Twists | 00:25:14 | |
In this episode, Sarah Frazer helps us see how life's plot twists and interruptions are actually the ways in which God is working. Connect with Sarah on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of I Didn't Sign Up for This: How to Rest in God's Goodness When Your Story Shifts.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 16 Nov 2022 | 176 Choose Vibrant | 00:34:19 | |
Shannon Parker joins me to share how to choose vibrant wellness and live a lifestyle of body, soul, and spirit health. Connect with Shannon on Facebook and Instagram. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 15 Feb 2023 | 189 Choose The Remix | 00:24:29 | |
Jade Simmons reveals what purpose is and what is not as we choose to remix our outlook on this topic. Connect with Jade on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Purpose The Remix.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 17 May 2023 | 202 Choose Your It | 00:27:20 | |
Sandra Stanley joins me to share how choosing your it can improve our parenting. Connect with Sandra on Instagram. Get your copy of Parenting: Getting It Right.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 19 Jul 2023 | 211 Choose Outloud | 00:24:59 | |
Dorothy Wilson is my special guest on this episode, sharing how we can choose to live our faith outloud in every area of our lives. Register for your FREE virtual conference ticket. Get your copy of Live Your Faith Out Loud: Real-life Stories Compelling You to do More!
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 25 Oct 2023 | 225 Choose De-clutter | 00:25:43 | |
Eileen Koff helps us evaluate if clutter is affecting our relationship with God. Connect with Eileen on Facebook. Get your copy of Get Organized God's Way.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 21 Feb 2024 | 242 Choose Side-By-Side | 00:22:42 | |
Cody Andras takes us on a journey to envision what it looks like to be one who walks with Jesus by your side. Connect with Cody on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Jesus By Her Side: Finding the Nearness of God Through the Eyes of the Women in the Gospels.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 12 Apr 2023 | 197 Choose Healing Grace | 00:25:51 | |
In this episode, Deepa Sukumar walks us through her journey from Hinduism to Christianity and how we can help others choose healing grace for themselves. Get Deepa's Amazing Grace Enter His Rest e-devotional in your email by sending a message to: EnterHisRest2020@gmail.com. Get your copy of Do Not Be Anxious.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 12 Jul 2023 | 210 Choose Justice | 00:24:16 | |
Linda Jones visits Dr. Saundra in this episode to discuss her new book Calling All Deborahs and encourage women to be voices of justice within their homes, careers, and communities. Connect with Linda on Facebook. Get your copy of Calling All Deborahs.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 22 May 2024 | 255 Choose Healthy Conflict | 00:26:36 | |
In this episode, Donna Jones joins Dr. Saundra to share how to fight fair by communicating our opinions with grace, truth, and zero regret. Connect with Donna on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: A Biblical Guide for Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 21 Jun 2023 | 207 Choose Becoming | 00:26:15 | |
In this episode, Stasi Eldridge shares how we can choose becoming ourselves and embrace the dream God has for us. Connect with Stasi on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 04 Sep 2024 | 270 Choose Forgiveness | 00:30:10 | |
In this episode, Jill Savage shares how to rebuild trust after it has been broken and choose forgiveness. Download Mark and Jill's FREE Rebuilding Trust Guide. Get your copy of No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the Freedom of Being Real Together.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 28 Dec 2022 | 182 Choose Gods Perspective | 00:19:41 | |
Kendra Dublin helps us release our warped identity issues and choose God's perspective for our lives. Connect with Kendra on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Gods Perspective For Me.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 17 Jan 2024 | 237 Choose To Amplify | 00:18:50 | |
Danielle Brooks joins me on this episode to share how we can choose to amplify our freedom in life and business. Check out Danielle's Amplify Your Income Resource Guide. Get your copy of Profit & Proof.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome everyone. This is Dr. Saundra and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today we're chatting with Danielle Brooks, who's going to help us be able to choose to amplify our freedom and get to a place in our life and our businesses where it does not feel so stressful. So Danielle, I want to thank you for joining us and welcome you to the show. Let me have you begin by sharing a little bit about yourself and the type of work that you do. Danielle Brooks: Hello, Dr. Saundra. Thank you so much for inviting me and allowing me to be on your platform. So, a little about myself. I am a mom of four kiddos who are under seven years old, and I've been married for nine years to my college sweetheart. And I've been a virtual CFO for the past 11 years. So, we help small business owners with their accounting, bookkeeping, and payroll all across the country. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. And that's perfect for this time of the year with everybody thinking about getting all their taxes and all their stuff together. So, I would love to go a little bit deeper into how you tend to work with small business owners. Now, for you, I know this has been a journey of learning how to create freedom and flexibility in your life. What inspired you to start sharing that with other business owners? Danielle Brooks: What inspired me to create freedom and flexibility for small business owners was truly my mom. She had been in business for seven years. Before I started helping her grow her business, and she had not had a vacation, she was working a whole lot more than I felt like she should at that point in her life. And I honestly just wanted to help her. And so she asked me to help her with sales because I came from a sales background. I used to work for ExxonMobil in a sales territory role. When I asked her for her financials, because all my sales meetings started with the finances, she ultimately didn't have clean financials to present to me. She didn't have a profit and loss statement. She didn't have a balance. She didn't know what her numbers were. And so I ended up creating her financials from just basically creating all her accounting and bookkeeping system. Then, there is a time tracking for her staff. Ultimately I was able to help save her over 40 hours per month. Within a year of working with me, she and my dad took two weeks off, and they went to Italy and Rome. they really just wanted more freedom for their own life at that stage in life. And she didn't really know how to do that because she had grown this business beyond where she had planned and was literally going week to week payroll to payroll and was just truly, I feel held hostage by her business and staff that she created for herself. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: This is such an important topic for those who are business owners and entrepreneurs, and getting in when you first start off with the business, you're so motivated to see the business succeed. But I think sometimes it's easy to get to a point where you don't realize that you have become hostage to your business, that you've gotten into a place where you can't take time off, and you can't move with freedom within your company and have that flexibility in your life. And I know that you, as a business owner, have dealt with this as well, wanting to find that level of, I don't like to say, balance. I oftentimes say harmony. And one of the ways you found that to be possible is by hiring the right people. Can you elaborate on the importance of hiring the right people and how it improves business operations and can lead us to a place of freedom as an entrepreneur? Danielle Brooks: Yes, I feel like so many people that start their business journey by themselves, the solopreneur, they've done everything in the business from what took place on the back end to the sales on the front end, and they're so used to know about all by themselves that once the business continues to grow, they don't honestly think about how to remove themselves from the business process. And so I, I encourage small business owners to, from the very beginning, start putting processes in place, document how you do what you do. Before you even hire the first person, eventually, you can start letting some of those things go. And so I honestly encourage people to make a list of all the things they do. You'll start without even knowing it, building out a job description, and then truly look at where it's taking the most time and effort for you to basically do whatever is taking the most time and effort from your business and your life, that's usually where I start to encourage people to look to hire. And so for me, when I first started my business and it's taking care of the accounting and bookkeeping for small business owners, the bookkeeping portion took a lot of my time and energy. At that time, my business had grown with my family, but as a business started to pick up beyond helping my mom, I had two kids, and I'm over here trying to take care of like at least three things. At that time, I had three clients where I was in their accounting bookkeeping at night while taking care of the kids throughout the day. My husband worked full-time. And so I looked at where all my time was going, and there really was the bookkeeping. So my first hire was the accountant to start releasing some of the bookkeeping responsibilities so I could focus on the strategy and consulting. I needed clean financials, but I didn't have to produce those myself in order to provide a strategy for my clients. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yeah, I think that's a hard one. I feel for a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners because when you may know that you need to hire someone, I think oftentimes the thought process is I don't have enough revenue to be able to bring in teams, or they're afraid of the responsibility of having these people that are on payroll. What are some strategies or insights that you would share with them on how they can identify new revenue streams or even leverage existing ones to be able to have the freedom to do this and to get those right people on the team? Danielle Brooks: So one thing I like to always encourage you when they are, of course, hesitant to hire, it's just like when you're as far as managing other financials, that there's always the investment comes before the return, you're going to have to invest money into the stock market before you see your return. And I feel like you have to invest time and energy in your team before you ultimately see your return and the freedom they're going to provide for you. And so where I first start is having, once again, a clean bookkeeping system to determine how much money you're making and how much money you're spending. So we can, before you hire someone, make sure that you actually have the income to bring someone on, that you can actually afford to pay for somebody. But then there may be a point where, hey, at the very beginning, you may be paying out more than what you're bringing in initially, but they're freeing up the time for you to now go out and sell and be the face of the business. So I would look at what, that's where I'm saying what's usually taking the most time from you and then focus on handing those things off to give you more time and energy to now grow the business, whether it's the sales side, producing the product that you're selling, but where I usually encourage people to have a clean bookkeeping system first to figure out. How much it's costing you to run the business and then how much money you're making to ultimately determine how much you can afford to pay somebody. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: The other thing about that is, oftentimes trying to make sure that you have time for some of the things that you want to do. I feel like that's a big part of the flexibility that we're looking for. And the freedom we're looking for is proclaiming our time so that we're able to go to our child's soccer game or dance recital or whatever it may be, having some time freedom to be able to do those things. What are some practical strategies that you've incorporated within your own life to be able to build in some rest routines? Danielle Brooks: So as the family has continued to grow, I honestly, I lean on my calendar a lot in order to block out the certain time that I'm going to spend with family, a certain time I'm going to be working. And I would also like to encourage, of course, a small business owner, usually, hey, when you first get started. You're looking to just make money from anywhere. And you might be taking on more work than you should because you have this income goal. But a lot of times, when you just stay focused on and get really great at delivering a certain service, then the income can grow a lot faster than when you focus on one area versus having your focus spread out across a lot of different areas. When I first started my business, I was speaking from experience. So, I didn't start out only doing accounting bookkeeping. I have always loved photography. I've been creative. I used to do graphic design. I did all these different things, but my income did not truly grow until I niched down to truly focus on one type of service. And I did that also because, like I said, it was the freedom I was looking for in my life. I recognize being a photographer. That for the different people I was helping out they want me to be a photographer on the weekends. I want to spend time with my family on the weekends. And so that time blocking, when I looked ahead at my schedule and what I wanted for my life, I had to then focus on what was going to fit inside of the ideal life I wanted. I wanted to be at home with my family on the weekends. I wanted to also have a general, like normal, work day so I could be with the kids when they get off from school. So I really had to determine what type of business was going to fit into the lifestyle that I wanted. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That's so important. I think that basically comes back to defining what success looks like for you. Because it's easy to look at someone else's story and be like, Oh, they're so successful. But if their success is keeping them out of the house all the time, and they're on the road all the time, and they're not able to do some of these things that are important to you, you really have to define success for yourself and look at your own priorities. Look at the things that move your heart in that really are the reason why you work and the reason why you want to have a business and have revenue and income and all those things coming in. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about maybe a success story that you've seen within your own work, where someone was able to amplify their freedom through applying some of these things that you've talked about. Danielle Brooks: Yes. So I have a client of mine who's been applying for a few years now that came because they wanted additional assistance on really increasing their profit in their business. So we are also a profit-first certified firm. When he first came to me, he was paying a bonus for his team off of the top line. Basically, it is the amount of money that came in. His team had a certain amount of money he was paying out, but it didn't take into account the amount of expenses the company had. Therefore, he was paying out money before he actually accounted for how much it cost him to run the business. So I helped him put a profit strategy in place for his business that allowed him truly to have more freedom. Also, when he came to us, he took care of the bookkeeping on his own. So, hiring us gave him an entire day back that he was spending in the office, and he was now able to take care of more clients. He's an eye doctor, and the amount that he pays us in one month, he's able to make back in a day. And so that's where I've been able to provide the freedom for him to continue growing his business, but also increasing the bottom line. So now his team has a profit in a bonus structure that didn't wasn't there initially. And now the team is actually making more money on a bonus. The company is making more money in profit, and he has more time and energy to spend working when he wants and also taking time off as needed. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I think that's what every business owner wants, that ability to scale and to grow on that level without the stress, really, because that's what it boils down to, the stress of growth. It sometimes, I feel, keeps us from actually being able to expand to the level of what our business is and whatever. Whatever area and talent God's given us to be able to stretch it, to be able to grow without fear. So with yourself, one of the things that you have done and you've been able to do is to really invest in your team at a high level. I oftentimes brag that you were one of the few employers who brought staff with them to our rest retreats, and so I'd love to hear a little bit more about why you feel like it's important to not only yourself be taken care of and nurtured and well rested, but also for your team to be taken care of and nurtured and be well rested. Danielle Brooks: I love that you asked me that question. And honestly, it just makes sense to me to do as much as I can. I want to create a safe, happy, healthy environment for my team as well. And I feel like most employers want you just to deliver the products. And then you have your life separate, but I truly feel as if you're talking about that harmony. I don't know about the whole work-life balance, but there, I feel like there's a need for harmony between your work and your life. And if things are not well at work, then it typically bleeds over into not being well at home. And so I honestly would love to, as much as I can, create a safe, happy, rested environment at work so that my team is happy, healthy, and rested at home. And so that was, I feel, one of the main reasons why I wanted to bring them to the rest retreat. One, I saw that was the second retreat I had been to, and I saw how rested I was when I first left for the first time. And I felt like that would be, honestly, just a blessing, a gift that I could give my team. I feel like if you are able to show up while at home, you can continue showing up while at work as well. We can ultimately produce a better service and end product for our clients when we are happy and healthy whole people. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yeah, and I think it really just showed great leadership because, one of the things that I find that, that is really the catalyst that people don't. I appreciate personal leadership in growing a business. There's a level of personal leadership where we, as leaders, if you're the owner of the company, you are the leader. You have to take responsibility for not only the revenue but also for the culture of your company. You're taking ownership of how your relationships are within the company and being able to determine that there's a certain culture that you want within your organization and then following whatever the next steps are. Same as you would follow a financial plan, following those next steps to make sure that the culture rises to a higher level, even as your revenue rises to a higher level. I know right now that a lot of people are fighting to get all of their tax stuff aligned for their bookkeeper or accountant and all of those things. Share a little bit for the person who may not even know the difference between a bookkeeper and an accountant. How do we even know who we need in the process of getting our finances and our business in Danielle Brooks: order? I'm so glad you asked that question. Yes, most people come to our company wanting us to help them with taxes, and we actually don't do taxes, but we do everything that you need to have an order for tax time. So it's seamless for your tax accountant. So, the difference between a bookkeeper and an accountant, I like to explain that the bookkeeper really is just they're just the reporter. Their job is to document everything that happened in your bank, making sure it matches what happens in your bookkeeping system. The accountant typically will provide additional insight and strategy based on what those financials are. And it's possible to have your accountant do the bookkeeping, but it's not usual that the bookkeeper is also providing the strategy and accounting. So there are also tax accountants that provide that accounting view strategy, and they also do your taxes. But our company, as a CFO, is providing the strategy and the analysis based on those financials, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Based on your expertise, where do you see the biggest opportunity to empower small business owners to achieve their own definition of success in their businesses? Danielle Brooks: I think the biggest opportunity is one taking a step back and defining, as you said previously, what success looks like for you. And it's going to be different for everybody. Be okay with looking within yourself. Then, own what success looks like for you. And one thing is you mentioned, as far as bringing my team to the rest of the street, one thing that I didn't realize as it comes to growing a business that, Oh, I now am going to be a leader when it comes to growing a team. That wasn't something that just made sense to me initially. I was just like, Oh, I've got a bunch of work that I can't handle. I need help. And I didn't realize that I was going to also be a leader in the midst of growing a team. And so with that. I still continue to hone and change. I feel like a little bit about what success looks like for me. So be okay with whatever it looks like for you. It's maybe different than the next person who may not have kids, or even if you do have kids and you want to travel and bring your kids with you, or you want to be at home. I just encourage people and all my clients. When they first start working with us, I ask them what their goals are for the next one, three, or five years. So that we're all moving in the same direction, I want to help them. Get to wherever it is. They see they're supposed to go wherever God is leading them. We are a team here, but be okay with defining success for yourself and then making the right next step to get there. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Danielle, how can people get in touch with you to learn more about you and your services? Danielle Brooks: The easiest way is to go to our website: pearlbc.com. You can go to our contact page if you would like help with our services; I also have a book coming out a little bit later this year that provides more insights and examples of how we've helped other clients amplify their freedom. And there are also additional resources to help people really still continue to amplify their freedom, but you'll find all that on our website. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: And you have a free resource. Is that correct? Danielle Brooks: Yes. So they're a free resource. If they go to our website, it'll be at the top there. And it's really; I feel what's a tool, a resource guide to help the small business owner that is starting out potentially by yourself, but how to continue to just take the one step in order to release some of the things that are taking up your time and energy on a day to day basis to provide that freedom for you. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. Then y'all, I want to thank you so much for joining us and helping us understand how we can choose to amplify our freedom within our businesses. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 30 Nov 2022 | 178 Choose Nutrition | 00:23:58 | |
In this episode, Annette Reeder discusses three principles that will help you choose nutrition and improve your health. Connect with Annette on her YouTube channel. Get your copy of Proverbs 31 Prepper.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 15 Dec 2022 | 180 Choose Gratefulness | 00:19:54 | |
Michele Howe shares how to choose gratefulness during times of waiting and adversity. Connect with Michele on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Grace & Gratitude For Everyday Life.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 28 Aug 2024 | 269 Choose Preparation | 00:28:25 | |
Darryl Rodgers helps us become more aware of the current drug problem in schools and what parents can do to prepare their kids. Join the Family Recovery Monthly Support Call.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 31 Jul 2024 | 265 Choose Home | 00:25:53 | |
In this episode, Anna McLaughlin shares the importance of home and why every woman should consider her field when launching out into new endeavors. Ready to go from Overwhelmed to Overcomer? Join Anna's newsletter to get tips for your journey.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 02 Nov 2022 | 174 Choose Standing Strong | 00:27:04 | |
Souraya Ballew joins me on the podcast to share how we can choose to stand strong in the midst of adversity and challenges. Connect with Souraya on Facebook. Get your copy of When Is Strong Strong Enough.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 10 May 2023 | 201 Choose Confidence | 00:20:24 | |
Alicia Roberts helps us identify confidence stealers and shares how we can choose confidence daily. Connect with Alicia on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of She Exudes: A Confidence Awakening Devotional & Journal.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 27 Mar 2024 | 247 Choose Delight | 00:25:18 | |
Stephanie Rousselle joins us this week to share how we live our best life when we define success as a life intentionally lived in delight for the glory of God. Check out the Gospel Spice podcast.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 16 Aug 2023 | 215 Choose Unleashed | 00:30:26 | |
In this episode, Ginny Dent Brant shares how lifestyle changes have unleashed her body's ability to heal from cancer and shares tips we can all use to stay healthy. Connect with Ginny on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Unleash Your God-Given Healing: Eight Steps to Prevent and Survive Cancer
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 31 May 2023 | 204 Choose Cohesion | 00:28:03 | |
Join my conversation with Dr. Shannan Crawford as we discuss how to overcome self-sabotage by choosing cohesion of your mind, body, and spirit. Connect with Dr. Shannan on Facebook and Instagram.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 03 Jan 2024 | 235 Choose Car Line | 00:22:08 | |
Caris Snider shares how we can choose to find sacred pauses even in the car line while waiting to pick up our kids. Connect with Caris on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Car Line Mom.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today, we are going to talk about how we enter the presence of God, even when we have a lot going on, especially if you're a mom with kids and you're transporting them all over the place. I have Caris Snider with me today, the author of a new devotional called Car Line Mom. I want us to talk about that because I feel like there are certain seasons in our lives where it seems impossible to break away and find time for God. But there are always opportunities. Caris, thank you so much for joining me. Caris Snider: Thank you for having me today. I'm excited to be here. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I Want to start just by learning a little bit about you. You wrote a book. With a title that I adore because it brings back so many memories of sitting in that car line. I just want to know a little bit about your background. Tell us a little bit about who you are and your family. Caris Snider: Absolutely. So, I am a car line mom. I have two daughters. I have a daughter. We are in high school. We have entered into that season of life as well. She's a ninth grader. And I also have a daughter who is in fifth grade. So we have a teen and a tween if you will. So we are absolutely in the car a lot going and coming. My husband and I, Brandon, have been married for 19 years and we live in the great state of Alabama. I have practically literally lived here my whole entire life. So if you hear that accent, everyone, yes, I am. It's that Southern drawl, if you will. But we love living here. We even have a little mini golden doodle. He's a part of our family as well, but I graduated from the University of Alabama with a child development degree. Over the past few years, I have been speaking and writing and just sharing my own journey with moms and with teens and with any generation that needs to know, Hey, your faith and mental health go together. God cares about it. And there is hope. And so to have this opportunity to write about it, to encourage our moms who are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, I am just thankful how God, never wastes anything and how he's brought everything together. For good in my life. So that's a little bit of me and who I am and what I do. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I really wanted to speak with you because I feel like you, you truly get it. And I think that for a lot of us when we approach motherhood, we approach it with a can-do attitude, which is good. We need some of that to be able to persevere, but we also, I find, sometimes we. Almost forget in the process as we're nurturing other people that we have to be nurtured as nurturers of ourselves. We have to keep that part of ourselves that can reflect on our own needs and the places where we need to be restored and where we need to seek help and assistance. There was a study that you mentioned from a 2023 state of Motherhood survey. And it said that it revealed that the top source of worry for mothers is mental health concerns. Share a little bit about why that's concerning. Caris Snider: I think that's concerning because mothers are aware of this mental health crisis that we have going on, not just for our Children and our teenagers, but for ourselves. They are struggling to find those safe places where they can talk to you about what they're struggling with and what they're going through. I think, for our moms for all of us. We put this expectation of perfection on ourselves to get it right. When those sweet babies are put into our hands, we leave the hospital to know all the answers, to know what to do, and we just don't know. And then we put ourselves on the back burner and we give everyone the steak, the mashed potatoes, the good salad. And then we give ourselves the leftovers, and moms are seeing. This is not working. They are feeling exhausted. They are feeling burnt out, and they are wondering, is God mad at me? Did he get it wrong? Am I the right person for the job? And so the concern that we are seeing that moms have for their mental health, knowing there's a problem that they are feeling anxious. They're fearful, with all the things going on in the world, that they're isolating themselves away; they don't have that community. I am grateful that we are seeing the problem, but our moms are also saying to themselves, what are the solutions? What can I do? Because they do not want to operate in this way anymore, they want to take care of themselves, they want to take care of their mental health, but they don't know, they don't know what to do, and they don't know what the solutions are. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes, and that's what I want us to talk about during this time together because I feel like when you know that there's a problem and you don't know what to do next, that can sometimes be even more stressful and I wanted that particular survey even talked about nearly half of the mothers are currently seeking some type of assistance or therapy with over 32 percent of them reporting anxiety as the area of Concern. And I know anxiety is a topic that is near and dear to your heart. You've written quite a few other books actually about anxiety. What has been your own personal mental health journey? Caris Snider: Yes, about 11 years ago, anxiety and depression almost took my life. I was a master of the mask. My husband and I, at that time, were worship leaders at our church. I had a successful business going on within my home and my daughter, who's in 9th grade now. She was living her best toddler life then, man. Everything on the outside. side looks great and looked perfect, but I was being crushed by the weight of the anxiety on the inside feeling; my heart would race, or I would feel breathless, and I would have those thoughts, those what ifs, you know, the worst case scenarios playing out in my mind that would paralyze me. In my own life, I was also in a season, if I was being very honest with you, where I didn't think anxiety and depression were real. And if anyone came to me wanting help and advice, my advice would be to pray harder, try harder, do more, and suck it up. And those are not. Those are not healthy things. Those were not the best things for me to say. And I found myself in the bottom of the bottom wing, maybe a hundred pounds with the weight of the world on my shoulders, thinking that I was hopeless, worthless, and useless, and God couldn't use a mom like me. God couldn't use a woman like me, but at the bottom of that pit, I'll never forget feeling like God just whispered, look up. And when I looked up, there were helpers. There was a counselor and a doctor, and my church family was there, and I wasn't alone, and I began to realize, Hey, anxiety is very real. Depression is very real. These mental struggles that we face are real, and we're not alone. They are happening to adults and teenagers and our children all across the world. So we need to bring light to the darkness. I began to realize then, why are we in the faith community not talking about this? Why are we not championing The idea that God has given us practical skills that are connected to his word, connected to truth? And when we can put action and truth together, that gives me chills to think about how powerful that is. And so that began me on this journey of wanting to learn to study and how to talk about it in a way that we can all begin to practice these healthy, practical action steps that can really be life-giving and life-changing for us. As long as we go through this process it is a process. And I have people ask me all the time, are you free? Do you ever have anxiety or depression anymore? And I wish I could say yes, but there, I still have days, and I still have moments, but I've learned God has equipped me with what to do when those moments in those anxious thoughts try to come in and steal my life. I'm learning now how to push through instead of trying to push away. Does that make sense? Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: It absolutely does. And I'm so glad you said that because I think that's a misconception that people have: You arrive at some point in time, and you never feel any of this stuff. And that's not reality. I'm a mom; my oldest son is actually at the University of Alabama in his sophomore year; he just went there. And so you can imagine when you release your first child into the world. You're gonna have some thoughts that hit your head because they are not in your. They're not in your back pocket anymore where you can know everything that's going on. And so I think it's wisdom to realize that you're gonna have these waves where things come at you. Life happens. And the tools that you mentioned, that is, I think, is the key. Truth in action. Understanding what the truth is you believe that you can ground and solidify your faith on and then what are some of the practical action steps you can do. So for yourself, what are a couple of scriptural references or even specifics from the Bible? Maybe it's not a specific scripture. Maybe it's just a concept from the Bible that you have grounded yourself within the truth. Caris Snider: Yes, I think of three specifically very quickly. First of all, on the anxious thoughts, I go quite a bit to Philippians 4:8 to think about what is instead of what if. Those what-ifs want to loop in our minds, and everybody's what-ifs are different. So when those anxious thoughts are coming when we go to remind ourselves, what is true? What is holy? What is pure? What is excellent? What is praiseworthy? Let's think about those things and practice shifting those thoughts. That's one thing that helps me take those thoughts captive and replace them with truth. Second, it is this idea that we need community. Friends, you are not meant to live a life alone. Galatians 6:2 says we are to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. So, that idea that we have to be isolated that is a lie of the enemy. We need to be surrounded. We need those arm bearers. When we are going through those difficulties, that'll hold us up and say, hey, I got you. And then, when it's our turn to be the arm bearers for them, we can return that favor. And then the third is gratitude, man. Gratitude is so powerful. When we think of those good things in our life, when we look to those things that we can be grateful for and thankful for, not that we're ignoring the situations and pretending that everything is fine, but choosing to focus on the good. I'll never forget. I was in a school, and we were. Practicing some of these coping skills together and gratitude is one we do. While I was in an eighth-grade class, a young man raised his hand to say what he was thankful for, and everybody was just waiting for him to say something funny to get the class riled up. And he said, Hey, Caris, I'm grateful for the foster family I'm with right now because they're nice to me. And the whole class, you could see, they were like, okay. We understand what she's trying to tell us. So gratitude is powerful. Community is powerful, and changing those "what if thoughts" to what is again? This is a process that I go through things that I cling to on a daily basis to go to those tools because I don't want to live in a place of anxiety and depression. I've been there and done that, and it doesn't get to steal my life anymore. So let's all work through these things together and practice these things and imagine a dream and vision about what my life could be like if I tried this on a regular basis. How could it look different in seven days, 21 days, a year from now? Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Anxiety and depression do not get to steal my life. I love that when we're looking at some of the action steps that someone can take. I feel like this was where I was just so impressed with your new devotional, Car Line Mom, because the thing that we often hear and that I, I myself, said for many years, I don't have time. I'm so busy as a mom. And you know what? There is some bit of truth to that. There's a lot of stuff that if you're working from home or if you're homeschooling, the day gets filled up with all the things. There's so much that we need to do to make sure everybody's where they're supposed to be, make sure food's on the table, make sure there's food in the kitchen to put on the table. So many things, what, if we looked at this in some type of stepwise approach, what would you say would be step one, two, and three that a mom who's looking at her life and she's saying, Caris, I don't know, girl, if I can do this. I don't know if I have time for a devotional. Caris Snider: I really love that question. And I'm giggling as I think about the rest of my day that I have ahead as a mom of all the things that we have to do. So if we're talking about this, man, we are friends. All of us as moms are coming together here, a couple of steps that I think we could take number one, instead of looking at it in the big picture, let's look at it in the moments, what moments do you have where you can pause and read a devotional, spend time with God, go to God in prayer. When you're in that car line, when you go there for just a few extra minutes, pause in that moment and give that to the Lord, open up that devotional book, if it is car line mom or your Bible or the Bible app. So number one, let's give it a moment and look at it in that way instead of big chunks. I think that can be helpful. Number two, look at your time. Can you get up earlier in the morning? Are you in a season where you can do that? Are your children where they're a little bit more independent, and so you're not having to stay up late to rock a baby to get up in the middle of the night? You're going to have to give yourself grace in there. I think that's part of that moment as well. Give yourself grace because these seasons are going to change. If you can get up early. If you're going to bed, maybe a little bit later because you've gotten everyone asleep, take that time when you're going to bed a little bit later to just pause again at that moment to give it to the Lord. I think that's going to be helpful for us as well. I think, too, for you as a mama, what are the expectations you're putting on yourself? We have to acknowledge this. That's a powerful thing. Are you expecting perfection from yourself? Are your expectations unrealistic? And if they are, let's shift out of that. Let's put a realistic expectation on yourself. What is doable for you as a mom right now in this season? Are your children in a lot of activities? Are you involved in your church and the PTO? Look at your schedule and put doable expectations on yourself. And finally, and I hope this gives somebody freedom today, Say no. Where can you say no? Those two letters are so powerful, and they can change a lot of things in your life. No is not a bad word. It is a powerful word that God's given you because you're saying no to all the filler things, and you're saying yes to all the God things that he has for you. So where are you saying yes to please others to fill your schedule where you can finally say no and nope? That doesn't fit right now for this season, it might fit for another season. But right now, my answer is. No, and that's okay. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes. No is okay. I feel no is the most underused word. Caris Snider: Amen Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: We really need to practice it more often. Start with just practicing saying no to a couple of things just to get it back into our vocabulary. I think hustle culture is just the real thing. It's something that it permeates not only. The business world, but it permeates the family now. So I would just love your insights on how you feel hustle culture is affecting just the quality of motherhood, our ability to enjoy it and to embrace it. Caris Snider: Amen again to that. So hustle culture is telling us to go do this. This is how you are a successful mom. And the difficult part that I'm personally seeing with that is the goalpost move. And then you, it just adds more hustle in there, and it's I got no hustle left, man. I don't know where to fit anymore in. And so it's always trying to please to achieve. And the great thing for us to remember is that God. And he is already pleased with us, not by what we do, but because of who he is; he made us, he said, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And the hustle is taking away these opportunities for us as moms to just stop and see our children. Being children, it is not just affecting us, but now it's trickling down into our kids, and they feel like their schedules have to be filled. They feel like they've got to constantly be doing things. And I think this plays into why our children are feeling so anxious. There's no rest in there. And I know you could speak great greatly to that, but. They are feeling that pressure to constantly be doing, constantly be moving, and that's not what God wants for us. And I think something that I have been convicted about with the hustle culture is to put margin in there. We have to have margin in our life and our schedule. If you read a book, there's a margin in the lines for your brain and your eyes to take a break and process what you're doing there. There are margins in good, healthy businesses, and in our finances, there are margins in our clothes. We need margin in our lives. We need those opportunities where we can have those pauses, and we can have those moments as a family and with our kids to just see that it's okay not to do all the sports and not do all the things to just pause. And so I think if we will embrace the culture of pause and stillness that can push that idea away that we have to hustle, that we have to do all the things because then we're seeing that we're walking in the way that God truly wants us to walk. And I think there's more, there's peace there. I think our moms want peace. Don't you? I think that's what they, that they really long for. And when we can put in a culture of pause, that can help them bring in peace. What do you think about that? I totally Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: agree. I think that a culture of pausing, resting, reflecting, being still on purpose. I think that is how we recapture the joy of parenting, recapture motherhood, recapture marriage if we're going to expand it throughout the entire family. I think it's such; there's such wisdom in what you've shared, and I'm so excited about your new book. We're chatting with Caris Snider. She's the author of Car Line Mom Devotional. And Caris, I want to conclude with this. I would love to just hear your heart to a mother who is maybe even sitting in the car line right now, listening to this, thinking this is all I do all day. I cart my people from one spot to another. I'm the unpaid chef, cleaner, cook, driver, all the things. How do I get back to a place of just me and God? Caris Snider: I think about her, I just imagine maybe if she's sitting in her minivan or a car and there's goldfish in the backseat, and there's sweatshirts in the trunk and all the equipment, and maybe she's looking over at her passenger seat with all of her books and her, maybe her purse and her phone is sitting there and her snacks. I just see her with tears running down her face, just wondering, have I failed? Have I let Kai down? Have I let my family down? Am I up for this job as a mom, and can I just say to you? Yes, you are. God did not get it wrong. He does not make mistakes, and the way that He brought the children into your life, however, that looks, whatever that journey was, He knew exactly what He was doing, and He called you, and He created you for this. I think of Ephesians 2:10. He created good works in advance for you to do, and Mama, you are in the midst of doing a good work. And I just want you to know that God hears you, he sees you, and he loves you. And he thinks of you as his daughter, and he's right there with you. So just take a moment now, pause, pour your heart out to him, pour your requests out to him, and just ask him for his help to help you. Get in his word to help you take those moments of pause to shift out of hustle and to move in a new way of living a new way of being a mom and being all that he's called you to be and to walk in his grace today. Amen. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. Caris, I want to make sure everyone knows how to get in touch with you, learn more about the work you're doing, and get a copy of your new book. Caris Snider: Absolutely. You can find me. I like to hang out on Instagram and Facebook at @carissnider, and I'd love for you to join us on my website and my email list family. That's my name as well, carissnider.com. All my books are there. And if you want a quick place to find Car Line Mom, head on over to carlinemom.com. And you're going to be able to find it there and all the things, and I would love to just get to know you and just be a part of your journey. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: So wonderful, Caris, to have a chance to chat with you, and we will link to your book, your website, and your social media within the show notes so that people be able to get a copy and begin their own journey of getting closer with God every day. Thank you so much for joining me. Thanks for having me. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 01 Nov 2023 | 226 Choose A Plan | 00:24:15 | |
Katherine Barner provides guidance on how we can choose a plan for managing grief during the holiday season. Connect with Katherine on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of God Help Me, I'm Grieving: Finding Healing After Loss.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 11 Jan 2023 | 184 Choose Breakthrough | 00:28:27 | |
Lynda Sunshine West shares the misconceptions people have about fear and how we can overcome it to find a breakthrough in 2023. Connect with Lynda on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of She Is An Overcomer.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 22 Feb 2023 | 190 Choose Awareness | 00:25:58 | |
Lori Ann Woods is a heart failure survivor who joins us on the show to help us choose health awareness. Get Lori's guide When You Can't Talk to God: 5 Prayers and Promises You Can Lean On. Get your copy of Divine Detour: The path you'd never choose can lead to the faith you've always wanted.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 14 Jun 2023 | 206 Choose Capacity | 00:25:54 | |
Shae Bynes helps us choose capacity as we learn how to work with God from a place of grace over grind. Learn more about Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur. Get your copy of Grace Over Grind: How Grace Will Take Your Business Where Grinding Can't.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 06 Mar 2024 | 244 Choose Grit | 00:26:54 | |
In this episode, Danielle Cobo joins us to share ways to break through roadblocks standing between achieving our goals. Check out Danielle's Unstoppable Grit Podcast. Get your copy of Unstoppable Grit: Break Through the 7 Roadblocks Standing Between You and Achieving Your Goals.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 24 May 2023 | 203 Choose Security | 00:20:13 | |
In this episode, Dr. Gleen Daman helps us choose security by understanding the attributes of God. Connect with Gleen on Facebook. Get your copy of The Lighthouse: Discovering Security in the Radiance of God's Character.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 25 Jan 2023 | 186 Choose Upcycled | 00:21:03 | |
In this episode, Tina Yeager shows us how our disappointments and difficulties can be upcycled into beautiful treasures. Check out Tina's Flourish-ment Podcast show. Get your copy of Upcycled.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 05 Jul 2023 | 209 Choose The Lord's Prayer | 00:33:12 | |
In this episode, June Hunt joins Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith to uncover the reasons why it's so hard for many to choose forgiveness and how The Lord's Prayer can give us practical help in this area. Connect with Hope For The Heart on Facebook and Instagram. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 11 Oct 2023 | 223 Choose Presence | 00:27:44 | |
In this episode, Susie Larson joins me and ushers us into a new appreciation for the power of God's presence to change everything in our lives. Connect with Susie on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Closer Than Your Next Breath: Where Is God When You Need Him Most?!
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 23 Nov 2022 | 177 Choose Goodness | 00:34:27 | |
Erica Wiggenhorn shares how to choose to experience God's goodness during times of disappointment and doubt. Download Erica's Busy Woman's Bundle to Connecting with God. Get your copy of An Unexpected Revival.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 08 Nov 2023 | 227 Choose Defense | 00:22:52 | |
In this episode, Sherry Eifler provides insight to help you better understand what it means to be a warrior and defender of truth. Connect with Sherry on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Royal Reflections 2.0: The Making of a Warrior Princess.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 26 Apr 2023 | 199 Choose Forgiveness | 00:23:17 | |
Rose Ann Forte shares the power of forgiveness and why it's an important part of any life plan. Connect with Rose Ann on Facebook. Get your copy of The Plans He Has For Me.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 23 Aug 2023 | 216 Choose Nurture | 00:25:35 | |
Meredith Miller joins Dr. Saundra to discuss how parents can choose to nurture a faith their kid doesn’t have to heal from. Check out Meredith's Ask Away podcast for kids. Get your copy of Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn’t Have to Heal From
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 06 Dec 2023 | 231 Choose Body Love | 00:23:04 | |
In this episode, Melissa Johnson helps us overcome body shame and choose body love. Check out Melissa's Impossible Beauty podcast. Get your copy of Soul-Deep Beauty: Fighting for Our True Worth in a World Demanding Flawless.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today, we're going to be talking about our bodies, our temple, and how do we stay in love with our bodies and not get into a place of comparison and shame when we look at all the social media pics and all the different magazine articles. So I have joining me today, Melissa Johnson. She is an eating disorder survivor, Christian spiritual director, and author of the book Soul Deep. Beauty, and I'm looking forward to this conversation so that we can get back on track with some healthy self-talk and a healthy understanding of what wellbeing really means. Melissa, thank you so much for joining me today. Melissa Johnson: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Let me have you start by just sharing a little bit about your journey. I know that you recovered from an eating disorder. What was the scenario around that, that led to even beginning in that journey? Melissa Johnson: Yeah, that's a great question. About eight or nine years ago, I was working as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and it came to my attention via my own therapist that I was seeing. She flagged some of the behaviors that I was having around food and movement and noted that she called it an eating disorder. And to be quite honest, I was really taken aback. I think part of it probably was denial. But also, I do think we have a lot of these messages in our culture that aren't so helpful when it comes to food and bodies and what we see as beauty and uphold as beauty. And I ended up having to pause my work as a marriage and family therapist to do some intensive work around an eating disorder. The book goes into detail about how that came about and a bit more about my journey, but By the time I got into treatment, I think I had been balancing somewhere on the spectrum between disordered eating and eating disorder for about a decade. And I think that's what I'm trying to point out in this book is that I think there are likely a lot more disordered relationships with food bodies in our end movement. Because of the disordered nature of our cultural narratives around these things, and yeah, I was in intensive eating disorder treatment for about nine to 12 months. And through that journey, I started to see the depths to which these ideas around beauty and body image. Were not only impacting the women and men in intensive eating disorder treatment but also I started to see these same beliefs and behaviors and struggles in my peers, in a lot of our messaging around that I would see on commercials, this idea we should shrink our bodies and restrict our food. And so the things that we'll be calling were called Disordered in treatment, we're actually being upheld in popular culture. And on the other side of this, of my treatment journey, I became very passionate about redefining beauty and what is it that we're shooting for. My working definition in the book and currently is redefining beauty as the life of God at work in us and among us. I love Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: that. And it's so true. Our culture really does. Set us at war with our bodies and the way that it oftentimes present things. There are lots of body shame issues. And as you mentioned, eating disorders can take on various forms of what that looks like. I think too often, when we say eating disorders, we're automatically thinking of bulimia or anorexia. Can you go in a little bit more depth? I love something that you shared, which is that there are spectrums. And different ways that we have disorganized relations or dysfunctional relationships with food and well-being practices. Can you go a little bit deeper into that? Because I think that's the disconnect that, as you mentioned, even you had. It's I don't know if I would call this an eating disorder. What does that really mean? Melissa Johnson: Yeah. Thank you for pointing that out because I actually found that I was not alone. A number of people I've spoken with just in general but also on my podcast, impossible beauty. That's their story, too. They were, they didn't realize that it was an eating disorder because a lot of what they were doing was upheld by the popular culture. So yeah, so a disordered relationship. with with food or, I'll even say, quote health. I think that, yeah, so I will say too, like the spectrum, I think maybe if we imagine a spectrum, one side is disordered eating, one side is an eating disorder. I think that diagnoses can be helpful, but I think the reason I don't. I love even saying that I had an eating disorder diagnosis because I'm afraid that people listening might just tune it out and be like I don't have an eating disorder, so I don't need to listen to this conversation. But I do think that so much of our our cultural messages around these things are disordered. And like even me, probably when I would meet diagnostic criteria for entry for an eating disorder, I, I probably, I don't know, maybe two years before I would have been closer on the disordered eating side of the spectrum. So I think more so the way I like to look at it is this: is my relationship with food or body image depleting me of life, of the fullness of life that God invites us into? And so I think when I think about disordered relationships with food, there was a survey that was done out of, I think it was Chapel Hill. It was in that particular survey that 75 percent of the women surveyed reported disordered relationships with food. And okay, so what is disordered eating or disordered relationship with food? And some of the things that were labeled as disordered eating would have been like restricting whole food groups and restricting amounts of food. I'm trying to think of some other examples also deeming some foods as good and some foods as bad, having this binary of foods and having the fear around certain foods. So those are some examples. Yeah. Are there any other pieces of that that I could pick up on? Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I Want to go into some very specifics with it, as it relates to teens because one of the studies that you mentioned is from the CDC from February 2023, which says three in five us teen girls felt persistently sad or hopeless in the past year since COVID. And that was double the rate of boys as a therapist. What role do you feel body image shame and self-esteem play? In those feelings of hopelessness that teen girls are experiencing? Melissa Johnson: Yeah, such a good question. And I don't know that we can. Research is interesting because we can say there's a likely correlation. I can't say causation at this point. However, I could say anecdotally and just logically, when we think about the inundation of social media currently, I have a couple of stats here. So we know that 80 percent of girls have used an app to change their appearance before the age of 13. We also know that girls ages 10 to 17 were found to spend five hours on social media every day. And I think when we consider the fact that there is this inundation of our developing neural networks of adolescent girls, I'll even say, I don't know. I think I recently heard that girls as young as eight are maybe getting social media. And so if we're thinking about the developing minds of these young girls who are literally, I heard someone use the phrase being disciplined by social media. And I think that's so true. If it is, five hours on social media every day, this inundation of literally fake. Images and this impossible standard because it is literally fake. And we know, through social comparison theory from psychology, that it is just our innate human instinct to compare ourselves with these images that are being presented before us. And I don't think it's a big jump to say that if we're comparing. Comparing ourselves to flawless images of what our culture upholds is beauty or beautiful. Likely, shame is being elicited, and I want to go ahead and just give us Brene Brown's definition of shame. I think it's a great definition. So she defined shame as an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging the last part, the unworthy of love and belonging. Like Transcribed In these primary important developmental times where these girls are developing who they are, their identity, and this shame is likely being elicited five hours of their day. I don't think we could make it, I don't think that's a big jump. That is going to the core of who they are and their sense of worth and belonging. And so I. I do think we're on the cusp of the social media inundated youth being raised on social media. I don't think we've seen the effects of this to its extent, and I don't think it's a far stretch to say that it is deeply impacting them in some pretty significant ways. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Absolutely. As an adult who has worked through their own identity things and their relationship with God, it can be very easy for the comparisons and all of those things to slip in when you're looking at them oftentimes on social media and within the general media. Images that appear to be perfect, you don't know what has been airbrushed. You don't know what has been electronically perfected when you're looking at those things. So how do we fight back against that type of kind of toxic imagery and keep in a place of healthy self-talk? Melissa Johnson: Yeah, such a good question. I really do think that a lot of this comes down to what we are inundating ourselves with and what are we allowing to impact us. And I think about the study of spiritual formation and how our soul is always, in that study, trying to have our soul formed more into the likeness of Jesus. But the truth is that our soul is being formed by whatever we're being exposed to. And so I would say, Turning down the volume on those influences is really pivotal to the formation of our soul in a way that is going to bring us wholeness and thriving. And so turning down the time and the, basically, the influence we're allowing social media to have, knowing that it is really like you said, it is so it is fake. And so I think the time, I think also the time we do spend there, if we are going to spend some time there, being careful of who is in our feed, maybe diversifying our feed, me, more realistic diverse body shapes and sizes. And I would say diversity in general as well. We tend to follow the same kinds of beauty and fitness influencers, but maybe trying to think of how can I use social media as a tool for good in my life and being really aware of having the sense of media literacy, meaning that we are, we become critical or analytical observers or recipients of media and social media, being aware that we are most often being sold a product. And what I have been just so frustrated to see and so sad to see is how often advertisers and corporations use shame, that sense that we are not good enough. to sell a product, to sell a diet, to sell a we have so many fitness influencers to sell a powder or a, a supplement of some kind. And so I think being really savvy about what someone is trying to sell me through this. Quote, flawless image, and trying to elicit the shame or the sense of I'm not good enough unless I do X, Y, or Z or look like X, Y, or Z. So I think turning down the volume there and turning up the volume on what I would call authentic beauty and starting to. I really have an eye for where is the life of God at work in us and among us in my life, in the world around me, and allowing that to enter in my experience through all five senses. And I think when we can actually start to allow, and also I would say, scripture and community where we feel loved and known for. For who we are at our core cause, at the end of the day, our soul is what's going to survive. I don't know exactly. We'll probably have renewed bodies. I think I don't know, like Jesus had, but I don't think that these cultural ideals of beauty are going to mean anything in, in our heavenly reality. What is really going to matter is how. Our souls were forged and formed by the reality of the goodness and beauty of God. And so I think it's important to allow that reality, that eternal reality, to impact us here and now because that's really the only thing that's going to last. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. Amen. And I think that's a great point because, when we think about food, we don't think about it as sometimes having a direct relationship with our spirituality or our relationship with God, especially what we're talking about. Dysfunctional eating or eating disorders, and I, as you mentioned, also fear that sometimes when people hear that, they're like, that's not me. I'm not doing what I typically see in the movies when someone says they have an eating disorder, but I caution you with this: for someone who's listening, when we're talking about an eating disorder, it could be something as simple as you are hiding out certain foods because you feel shame eating them in front of your husband or your kids or your girlfriends. You are eating large amounts of certain things and then purposely trying not to eat and back and forth and back and forth; you're running to food when you are stressed, when you're upset, when you're happy, when you're sad. Food can even become an idol in certain situations; it can become a comfort; it can start taking over different areas of our lives and stop simply being how we nourish our bodies. It starts taking on its own identity. So when we're thinking about just our relationship with food, I want you to think about your relationship with food in such that it is simply a resource for fueling you because, really, that's the beauty of food. It can be delicious. It can be fun. You can have fun with it, but really at the very core of it, the purpose of food is to nourish your body. So that it can function, and so when it starts taking on other roles, we are already starting to enter into this dysfunctional relationship. So, in your opinion, what are dysfunctional eating or eating disorders? How do you feel like they affect someone in every aspect, mentally, spiritually, and physically? Melissa Johnson: Yeah. One, a couple of different areas, for sure. I think across the board, it impacts every aspect of who we are. For me, it's a big one, and I think that from diet culture, we get this big message. I think oftentimes, restrictions on food are basically upheld. And so what happened in my own experience is when I tuned out to my own. Cues of hunger, as simple as that sounds, I started to mute my body's cues. And then, when I started to heal, I realized how much information my body was giving me, including my intuition, where I believe the still small voice of God speaks, feeling. Maybe my heart starts beating a little bit faster, or maybe I get butterflies in my stomach. I think those are all physiological cues that God can use. That, that he's speaking to us in some way. And I think when we cut ourselves off from those cues, from something that may seem really, really simple and maybe not too bad to do. I realized it had spiritual implications, also cutting myself off from my body as a whole and not seeing it as really a gift that God has given me to go throughout the world. And, I think we put qualifications on what a good body is and, usually, a good body these days; it looks like, again, like that fitness influencer, which I think is completely skewed and such a result of diet culture and this inundation with these false beauty ideals. It definitely impacted me. Spiritually, I think relationally as well. I think oftentimes when we are, our culture teaches us to use other women as a means of comparison, which I think is Very much in opposition to the kind of fellowship and community that I think we are invited into. Also, it put me at odds with myself as the voice of the self-critic has to become really loud in order to go another mile, maybe on whatever the treadmill or something, or not give my body something that's asking for, like food. And so, with the voice of the critic and how I am talking to myself, I think I realized how key that is. And I think it's so important to be gentle and kind to ourselves because that is actually the posture we're going to have toward other people. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes, we're chatting with Melissa Johnson. She is the author of the newly released book Soul Deep Beauty, and I want to discuss just that term. When you say that, soul-deep beauty, what do you mean? What are you implying with that statement? Melissa Johnson: Yeah. Yes. I think I'm trying to contrast it with societal beauty because societal beauty, I believe, is beauty in a box. I think it's actually false beauty, and it's a beauty that doesn't give us what we crave. Whereas soul deep beauty again, which I would define as the life of God at work in us and among us. That is the kind of beauty that actually touches the deepest parts of us that societal beauty promised to fulfill, but it never could. And so I think that is the. Ultimate beauty, the beauty of God, essentially that I, and honestly, when I even say that I find myself like this, is like an adventure to me trying to see this all-encompassing mind-blowing beauty that I can't fully contain in words or my brain can't even fully conceive of it. Like I, I find myself in this posture of, okay, God, can you keep showing me what soul-deep beauty? I know it's way bigger than I can imagine. And it blows cultural beauty or societal beauty out of the water. But it is so deep beauty, I would say, is true or authentic beauty that our souls are purposed for. And when we find it and seek after it, that is what it ultimately gives us fulfillment. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I think that's so beautiful. And I think that's part of the transition that most of us have to make to be able to get to a place where we are speaking positively about our bodies, where we are having a healthier relationship with food and with wellness-type activities. And I want you to take a moment, if you would, to share with us what this is; what is your vision for the American beauty standard? What would you like? Young teens, women, or women, in general, to know going into, when they're looking at all of these different things, what is it that needs to be in there at the forefront of their mind regarding their beauty? Hmm. Melissa Johnson: Yeah, I think that it's not one aesthetic that is that is beautiful. And I think that beauty reduced to being skin deep, I don't think is the full story at all. I also think when we're scrolling through our Instagram reel or feeds or whatever, I think what it does is actually it's, I think it's quite unhelpful for a number of reasons as we touched on, but I think what it also does is it causes us to objectify ourselves and see ourselves as from a third person perspective. And what we know about body image is that it is actually. Not helpful. Instead, we move toward a space of embodiment where we think about our bodies, like living in our bodies versus looking at our bodies. Maybe you're going out for a bike ride, and you're thinking about how strong your legs are and how energizing it feels when the wind is blowing by you. And when you're really experiencing living in the moment or enjoying being on that hike or how amazing it feels, it feels exhilarating. It is to water ski in your body. That, I think, is more like this holistic package of identity development and the gift of living in a body, I would invite those girls to a more holistic view of it. Identity of beauty and really turning down the volume on some of those more objectifying activities like scrolling on social media. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes. As a woman who's been everything from a size six to a size 16 and everything in between, I have long ago had to come to the realization of. All the way back to Genesis, where God created mankind and looked at it and said, it is good. I found that has been a way that I have been able to accept myself at whatever position my physical body happens to be in at the moment because this is the body you get to do life in. And so if you have to be able to look at it and see it the way God sees it as something good. It's the house you've been given for Holy Spirit to abide. It's the vehicle you've been given to live out your gifts, callings, and talents. And whether you are any of those sizes, bigger or smaller, or if you are long hair or short hair, or if you wear makeup or don't wear makeup, that what's inside of you is so much deeper than that. And I love this. This. Thought of soul-deep beauty. That's really what the world needs to see the soul-deep beauty of Christ that emanates from us. Melissa, thank you so much for joining me. I want to make sure that people know how to get in touch with you and how to get a copy of your book and learn more about your Melissa Johnson: work. Yeah. Thank you so much. So, my website is impossible-beauty.com. My podcast is housed there as well on major platforms like Apple podcasts. And then on Instagram, I'm mostly active on Instagram. I'm @melissa.louise.johnson and @impossible.beauty. I'm also on Facebook. You can find me there at https://www.impossible-beauty.com/blog and https://www.impossible-beauty.com/podcast. Then, my book is at most major retailers. I think it heads up at Baker book house right now. I think it's 30 percent off, so that might be a good place to get it. But otherwise, Amazon, all the places. And, of course, if you always want to request it at your local bookstore, that's always a gift. So thank you. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. I'll be sure to link to where you can get a copy of Melissa's books sold deep in the show notes, as well as a link to her website so that you can learn more about her and the work that she's doing until next time. Everyone live fully left boldly and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 09 Aug 2023 | 214 Choose Your Season | 00:25:02 | |
Grace Wabuke Klein joins us to share how we can choose to flourish in the unknown and unexpected seasons of life. Connect with Grace on Twitter and Instagram. Get your copy of Flourish: Finding Purpose in the Unknown and Unexpected Seasons of Life
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 19 Apr 2023 | 198 Choose Relationship | 00:23:03 | |
In this episode, Denise Wilson helps us choose relationships over empty words. Connect with Denise on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Seven Words You Never Want to Hear: How to Be Sure You Won't.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 08 Mar 2023 | 192 Choose PrayerWalk | 00:22:41 | |
In this episode, Janet McHenry guides us through the practice of prayer walking and shares the multi-faceted benefits we can gain. Connect with Janet on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of PrayerWalk: Becoming a Woman of Prayer, Strength, and Discipline.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 01 May 2024 | 252 Choose Simple | 00:15:18 | |
Kimberly Woodhouse joins us this week to share simple ways everyone can start on their journey toward health. Register for free to join A Million Miles with Kim. Get your copy of Welcome Home: Our Family's Journey to Extreme Joy.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 10 Jul 2024 | 262 Choose Safe | 00:28:17 | |
In this episode, Jeanne Roberson provides ways we can choose to keep youth safe from becoming a victim of human trafficking. Connect with Jeanne on Facebook and Instagram.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 18 Sep 2024 | 272 Choose Your Next Level | 00:30:08 | |
Dr. Saundra and Ana Megrelishvili discuss how to develop the courage to flow with God and move into the next level of His Goodness for your life. Try a Christian Professionals Network LIVE workshop for FREE. Get your copy of Finding Courage to Change.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 31 Jan 2024 | 239 Choose Feasting | 00:27:49 | |
In this episode, Erin Warren helps us to live a life of feasting on truth and daily releasing prayers of faith. Connect with Erin on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Everyday Prayers for Faith: Finding Confidence in God No Matter What.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 13 Sep 2023 | 219 Choose Vibrant | 00:25:13 | |
Dr. Cindy Libert shares how we can prevent and reverse chronic disease, build stress resilience, and choose vibrant health. Download Dr. Cindy's free mini-course: How to Conquer Fatigue and Sluggish Metabolism.
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 07 Jun 2023 | 205 Choose Captive | 00:21:29 | |
Kelly Balarie joins us on the show to help us choose to take every thought captive and regain control of our mental space. Connect with Kelly on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of Take Every Thought Captive.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 06 Sep 2023 | 218 Choose Casting | 00:26:23 | |
Colette Schaffer helps us get off the hamster wheel of people-pleasing and overwhelm by casting our cares and planning times of personal renewal. Download Collette's Renew: 21 Scriptures and Confession For Depressions and Anxiety. Get your copy of Planted: A Guided Study to Produce a Peace-Filled Life in an Anxiety-Filled World
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 27 Dec 2023 | 234 Choose Sugarfree | 00:22:18 | |
Christine Trimpe helps us crush our carbohydrate cravings, decrease our sugar consumption, and improve our overall well-being in this week's episode of I Choose My Best Life. Get Christine's FREE Crush Your Cravings Wellness Guide for Christian Women.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I choose my best life today. I have Christine Trimpe with me, and we're going to be talking about how we get our health and wellness back on track this year by focusing on improving the way we eat. And a big part of that is getting some of the unnecessary, over-processed sugars out of our lives. Christine has an amazing story and journey she's been on with God. She has lost over 100 pounds and now helps others do the same to get their health back on track. Christine, thank you so much for joining me. Let me have you begin by just sharing a little bit about your background. And how did you come into this type of work? Christine Trimpe: Hello, Dr. Saundra; thank you so much for hosting me today. I'm overjoyed to be here. I am what I call an accidental author and an accidental speaker. I had no idea that God had this story in store for me. But he did take me on an amazing journey of a health and heart transformation, starting back about seven years ago on the side of a mountain in Colorado. I had been living morbidly obese for about three decades at that point. I tried to climb up a trail with my husband in the beautiful Rocky Mountain National Park, and I ended up gasping for breath, and I just could not go another step further. And that was really my turning point, my story of where I finally began the process of surrendering all of my cravings, my fleshly cravings, everything that was separating me from God's best for my health and wellness. So that's where my turning point started. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that you're just very honest about that. I started because I was trying to do this walk and basically couldn't because of my weight. I think a lot of people have been in that situation, whether it's trying to chase grandkids or on vacation, and you're trying to do something, and you're like, wow, this seatbelt on this plane's not quite fitting anymore. There are so many times when we can be in those moments where we just don't feel comfortable in our bodies anymore. However, I think just about everyone's had a time when they've tried to lose weight. And so, how was this time different? I'm sure that wasn't the first time that you thought about your weight or losing weight, but something had to change this time to end up with a hundred-pound weight loss that you have kept off. Christine Trimpe: It was definitely time for me to start taking back control of my health and all of those years, those 30 years. Of course, I had tried dieting. I tried everything: counting calories, eating less, and moving more. And at one point, I was even in a hospital-based program where I was only drinking liquid shakes. I do not recommend it; looking back, that was a very bad decision, but yeah, I had tried all the things. When I look back on that moment on the side of the mountain, I just remember gasping for air and feeling so defeated and humiliated that my husband continued up the path, and I told him to go on without me. I was fine sitting on the side of the path, but I did have tears welling in my eyes when I contemplated my circumstances. And I can remember just saying, God, I want to feel better. At that point, I had already given up hope that I would ever live at a healthy weight because every time I approached a healthy weight, something would happen. I would jump on that yo dieting rollercoaster again, and I would gain the weight back, and then I would also gain what they say about 10 pounds more than what it originally started at. So I just, at that point, I wanted to feel better. I didn't want to be sucking down air, and that path wasn't that strenuous; it was a hike that most average people can do in that park. Yeah, I just said; I cried out to God silently through weld tears in my eyes and just said, I want to feel better. I want to feel better. And I didn't have any expectations at that time. But now, when I look back on it, I know that was the key. That was the turning point that completely changed my life. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I think that's such an important point because, very often, we get caught up on the numbers on the scale. We get caught up on clothes sizes, and those become the focus. And so it's not so much about our well-being or health sometimes. Sometimes, it gets very focused on superficial things. And so I think that heart change to, Oh, it's not, I don't just want to look good for my Child's wedding or whatever it is. I want to feel better. I want to enjoy my body. I want to be able to do activities and not feel pain and discomfort and all those things afterward. What are some of the first steps you took when you had this shift? How did you begin this process? Christine Trimpe: The very first thing I did when I got home from Colorado was finally going to call a sleep doctor. I had been putting off calling a sleep doctor for years because I knew if I went and had a sleep study done, I was going to be coming home with a CPAP machine, and that just sounded dreadful to me. But I really, my heart went out to my husband, bless his heart. He was so kind and compassionate with me on that trip because, apparently, in the elevated mountain setting, my snoring got really bad, too. So, he did make sure to point that out. And so, since I felt bad for him too, I was partially doing it for him, but I knew I had begun. At that point, I was already studying our hormonal health and the impact of hormones on our entire health, especially in relation to my obesity. And I knew that sleep was so important to our hormonal health. And I thought that's a good place to start because I'm so exhausted daily. If I could sleep better, maybe I could start. Step by step, taking back control of all the things in my health that I needed to set up that sleep study. Sure enough, I came home with that CPAP machine, and As dreadful as it sounded at the time, I am so grateful for that machine because it definitely changed my health for the better Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yeah, that's a good point. I think many people do have some ideas of, oh, I could never, as far as a CPAP machine. However, I think a lot of people don't realize just how drained they are. Because of their poor quality sleep, when they feel exhausted and you feel depleted within your body, it has a tendency to make you crave things that will boost up their energy, which has a tendency to be those things that are sugary or caffeinated, those things that aren't always the best options for your health all the time. And so being able to identify if there's underlying actual medical reasons. While you're feeling some of that fatigue and exhaustion, it is very important to identify first. So absolutely. I think for anyone who's starting a health journey at the beginning of this 2024 year, that's coming to make sure that you get some initial evaluation. Make sure your thyroid's good. Make sure there are no underlying other issues that are adding to some of the symptoms. And then, after you had that initial kind of checkup with your sleep doctor, what were some of the dietary changes? Where did you start with a nutritionist? Did you start with a specific program? How did you begin changing what you were putting in your body? Christine Trimpe: I actually didn't start with anybody because, at that point, I was so frustrated and exasperated by all the things that hadn't worked for so long. Actually, at the same time I got diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea, I was having painful ovarian cysts. This all happened in the fall of 2015. I had an abdominal and pelvic ultrasound ordered. And yes, I had an ovarian cyst, but they also discovered a fatty liver. So, I was diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. And my gynecologist, I think she was expecting that because I was more than a hundred pounds overweight. So she, she didn't really poo it, but in my mind, that wasn't her focus. She was more concerned about the cyst. So I went home and started researching why did my, why is my liver full of fat. And that's when I went down all the rabbit holes of learning more about your hormonal health and how it impacts everything, your entire health and wellness. One of the things, and I can't pinpoint, Where I was, but I was reading some nutritional information online and I remember reading that sugar is a major hormone disruptor. And I was like, oh, wow. Okay. So then I really had to evaluate. The first thing I looked at was how I was starting my day. And every day, I was starting my day with, again, to help with that caffeine boost. But I was starting my day with several cups of coffee that were more. Sugar-flavored creamer than coffee. That's how I started my day, and after doing that research, I decided to quit coffee cold turkey because I couldn't imagine drinking coffee without the sugared creamer. And so that began my quitting sugar journey. And I credit this entire journey to the fact that I did decide that I needed to eliminate sugar from my diet. So that I could begin balancing my health my hormones, and also reverse my fatty liver disease. That was my main focus at the time. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now, when you say limit sugar, I think with there being so many different dietary plans and ways of eating that are out there now, some people are thinking, does she mean keto? Does she mean paleo? Does she mean the Whole 360? What exactly are we talking about with eliminating sugar? Did you eliminate all carbohydrates? Did you eliminate just refined white sugars? What did that look like? Christine Trimpe: I went on an expanded journey because I did commit when I quit that coffee; I did commit a couple of weeks later to stop eating any type of dessert. So, anything made with white sugar or brown sugar. Then, I decided that I was no longer going to eat the candy that was sitting around in the dishes in my office. I worked in a corporate office. Junk was everywhere. So, I committed to eliminating that. And I just gradually, step by step, started getting the white, sweet sugars out of my diet. And at that time, I did that for about ten months. And so I was no longer eating sugar and sweet stuff. I was doing really well at that. I wasn't missing it. As soon as I eliminated it from my way of eating, I would say about three or four weeks into it, I realized I was no longer craving sugar. So those went away. And so I was really happy, but my weight loss was really slow. And so, eventually, I did a little bit more research. Then I had an aha moment when I read something, and I realized that the things that I was still consuming—my typical diet of filling up my plate- were 65 - 65 percent carbohydrates. I was still eating bread, potato, and pasta. And even if I was eating whole wheat pasta or whole wheat bread, I realized that those were converting to sugar in my digestion. And so the day I read that was the last day I filled up on bread, potato, and pasta. And then that's when the weight loss really happened for me. I started losing weight drastically at that point. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yeah, I think that's so important to help people to see that. Oftentimes, in this process of getting off of some of the carbohydrates and cutting back on some of the sugars, there is a stepwise approach that most of us have to take. The standard American diet has lots of carbohydrates in it. And so to decide, Oh, I won't do sugar anymore. I'm going to get off of everything. Your body's going to have something to say about that. You're going to have headaches, and you're going to have some other symptoms, withdrawal symptoms, and detox symptoms. And when you're approaching something like that, to be able to go in a stepwise approach. Maybe starting with the desserts, as you mentioned, starting with sugary sodas. If you do a lot of sweet tea, I live in the South, so everybody likes their sweet tea. Maybe give up the sweet tea first and then desserts, and then move over into things like potatoes and rice and all those other things that happen to have bread that have a lot of carbohydrates in them as well. Now, how would you say you feel now that you're living a, as you term it, sugar-free lifestyle? Christine Trimpe: Physically, I feel amazing. Within a couple of weeks, I'm giving up the bread, pasta, and potato, too. I started feeling like my brain fog lifted, and I started having more energy. I remember my husband looking at me once, saying, who is this person? Cause I was cleaning out closets, cleaning junk drawers, and just doing chores around the house that I never had the energy to do before. And so physically, I felt amazing emotionally. I felt clearer. And then spiritually, what I love to say is that this lifestyle for me is sugar-free because my spiritual walk with God didn't change until I was sitting on the side of that mountain. And I had lived as a casual Christian for so many years. But when I came home, and I got that CPAP machine, and I started sleeping better, I began picking up my Bible for the first time in my life as a Christian, the first time in my life every day. And I have not put that thing down. So the freed part for me is not only Not eating sugar. So, I follow a sugar-free diet, but the freedom for me is like how God has completely flipped the cravings of my heart. My passion is for being satisfied and satiated in his word and just using scripture to balance out my health and wellness and what he has called me to. So yeah, the freed part is all about the freedom. Freedom in my physical health, freedom in my emotional health, and freedom in my spiritual health are completely transformed. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: And now you do a lot of work with other Christian women who are in a similar situation to what you were in on that mountain, helping them get their health and wellness back on track as a Christian health and wellness coach. What does your coaching technique look like for someone who maybe is hearing us right now and says, you know what? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that I can feel better than this. I want to feel better than this. This isn't just superficial. I don't just want to look good in my clothes. I want to be able to have the energy, stamina, and health to do the things God's called me to do. How would you work with this person? Christine Trimpe: I love how you mentioned earlier about a step-by-step approach because I do have a plan, and it's very much formulated on the journey that I went through because I can't imagine I shout out to the people who can go ahead and quit cold turkey and all those carbohydrates from their diet, but they are going to experience those side effects that you mentioned. But I love a step-by-step approach. I say that these small habits build and deliver big results. And I love to see the women that I coach find a sense of accomplishment and have some victories in these little habits that they're building. So yes, my coaching approach includes that step-by-step approach. And I do guide them through step by step. Let's set some boundaries. From day one, we'll learn about what sugar does to your body. And we're going to edify ourselves through God's word. We're going to build up our spiritual walk as well because we really can't do this on our own. That's what I learned, and I have 30 years of dieting, the rollercoaster, and I never invited God into that process. I felt like I could do all of this on my own. It was my problem. It's my responsibility, but God has so much more in store for us when we get to that turning point in our lives where we can surrender this part of our journey to him. So yeah, step by step, I have a plan. I have a program that's called the Sugar Freed Me Weight Loss Solution. And it's a 13-week journey together. Which psychologists say is about 90 days. Psychologists say it really takes about 90 days to start having this lifestyle transformation intact so that you can feel good about it and keep moving forward. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: What about the person who is hearing all of this, but in the back of their mind, they're thinking, but every now and then, I want a dessert, birthdays pop up, anniversaries come around, every now and then, you want the donut, you want the whatever, does this mean you never get to have sugar ever again? Christine Trimpe: One thing I discovered personally for myself is that there are sugar substitutes. And I actually enjoy the sugar and flour substitutes like almond flour, coconut flour, stevia sugars, things, erythritol, etc. So I have desserts that I like to make. And since my taste buds have changed, that sweetness is Satisfying to me, but one of the hard and fast rules that I talk about in my coaching is that we have to know our limits, and does that mean I'm never going to eat a piece of birthday cake again? No, I can eat a piece of birthday cake. I ate a piece of wedding cake at my daughter's wedding, but I knew I was at that point in my commitment with my health and wellness journey in what God has for me in my health and wellness journey; I knew that I had overcome so much in that battle and that I still say I'm a recovering sugar and food addict because I feel like I'm never going to be full. I healed and recovered from that until I got to heaven because it's every day I wake up to this commitment, but I can have a piece of cake because I don't go on a sugar binge when I do something like that. But now, some of my coaching clients, if they're honest with me and they share with me where they're at in their journey, and they feel like they're going to go on a sugar binge, then I would definitely recommend to them to have their own like low carb dessert made with stevia or erythritol, coconut flour, things like that. Things that aren't going to send them on a sugar binge. But yeah, everybody has to know their limits. Some of us are, my, struggle much more with emotional eating habits and going on a binge, a sugar binge, for one. A piece of cake could result in a sugar binge that lasts three months, and then you're right back to where you started. So, we all have to know our limits, and how do we do that? We pray about it. We journal about it. We're honest with ourselves. We have accountability. We have support. We join a community of women who are facing the same situations. And yeah, know your limits. That's an important part. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That's wisdom in that. And I know you do have a community called the Crave community where other women are going through similar journeys, and they can come together and have some fellowship and support in that process. I also want to make sure people are aware of a free guide you have called Crush Your Cravings, the ultimate wellness guide for Christian women. We've been chatting with Christine Trimpe, and I want to make sure you know how to get in touch with her if this is a journey you must be on for this new year. Christine, how can people reach you? Christine Trimpe: I would love to connect with your audience, and I have a free gift for them. A guide called Crush Your Cravings. As you mentioned, it is the ultimate wellness guide for Christian women. Find the link below for the show notes for that. I'm happy to send that to you and get acquainted with you in your own sugar freed journey to health and wellness. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. Thank you so much, Christine. This was so beneficial. And I know so many women will benefit from that free resource. Until next time, everyone live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 20 Dec 2023 | 233 Choose War Plan | 00:21:29 | |
In this episode, Victoria Riollano leads us in a discussion on how to spiritually protect our children by creating a war plan for our family. Get Victoria's free War Plan Template when you subscribe to her newsletter. Get your copy of Warrior Mother: Equipping Your Heart to Fight for Your Family's Faith and get her free resources.
Show Notes: Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Welcome, everyone. This is Dr. Saundra, and you're listening to I Choose My Best Life. Today, we're chatting with Victoria Riollano, and she will help us understand how we can be warrior moms who stand in the gap for our families. Victoria is a mom of eight. She's also a military spouse and knows a lot about this process. So I'm looking forward to our conversation. Victoria, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. I want to hear a little bit about your background. What made you write a book about being a warrior mom? Victoria Riollano: Yeah. So, as you said, I do have eight kids. I didn't start off that way. In fact, when I had two kids, I realized that motherhood was extraordinarily more overwhelming than I expected. As a person who has a background in child development, that's what my degree is in. I just figured motherhood would naturally come. But I will say a couple of years into my journey, I found myself hiding in closets for my kids when they were too noisy, just not knowing what to do, crying all the time, anxious, depressed, fearful, all the things motherhood was basically taking its toll on me and it wasn't until I really started to put my trust in God and allow him to lead my journey and rest in him that I started to see things change and realize that I was more courageous, more resilient than even I thought I was. So yeah, that's what kind of encouraged me to write this book for other moms so that they could know that they could rise up above those daily challenges and really be warrior mothers themselves. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love the fact that you come at this from someone who has experience with just what it looks like to be a warrior in your own family because you have a spouse who is in the military. What has your experience been as a military spouse as it relates to parenting and home life and just supporting your spouse in that process? Victoria Riollano: Yeah. So, one thing about being a military spouse is you always get to hear the stories when they come home. One thing that has always been a central theme is this idea of the commanding officer taking the lead and being the people who have to follow the commanding officer is something that my husband will always talk about. And that really came to life to me when I started to write this book because, for so long I was the commander in chief of my own home, of my own heart, of my own parenting journey. So just being a military spouse helped me realize that there is power in submitting to authority sometimes. For me, Submitting to God has really been that pivotal thing that's changed my parenting. And so, even throughout the book, I give so many of his stories as examples of how we can allow God to take the lead and take charge of our parenting. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Now you talk about having a war plan inside of your book, Warrior Mother. So what is a war plan? And why do we even need one? Victoria Riollano: Yeah, so that chapter is my favorite chapter because I am a planner. I plan when I go to the grocery store, I plan when I go to the mall, and I plan vacations for months and years at a time beforehand. And so, for me, what I realized is when it came to my parenting, I had no plan. I just let each day happen as it may. And most of the time, it didn't end very well. And so the work plan is just an opportunity for mothers to take that pencil and to pray and to take that paper and to say, God, what is it that you have for my family? And so, the work plan includes a foundational verse. It includes things that are non-negotiables for your family, things that you are just not going to allow to happen, whatever rules that you have in place. And then, it also has specific goals in mind for your children and for your family. So, it is just a way for you to actually visualize what it is that God is speaking to you and follow that. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that because I think we, we hear a lot about. Revival, we hear a lot about starting at home, raising your kids in the way they should go, and these types of mindset. But I think sometimes we don't actually go about it in an intentional way so that you can have some steps as far as what you need to do to get to that place. And I know in your book, you do talk a lot about spiritual transformation. Why do you feel like spiritual transformation is key to this process of really building homes that are strong in their faith? Victoria Riollano: Yeah. And so one thing I noticed when I was looking up parenting books for myself is that parenting books, Christian parenting books specifically place a lot of focus on behavior. How do we fix the kids, right? Instead of, hey, how do we work with mom? How do we work with Dad to be able to create environments that are conducive to learning more about the Lord? And so I've learned in my own life that the closer I am to God, the more I'm able to show his love, the more I'm able to speak and act in a way that would draw my kids closer to God because I can preach and teach And throw Bible scriptures and throw Bible stories at them all day long. But if I'm not changed on the inside, I'm not giving them anything to model. It's just stories on paper. And so, really, God has shown me the importance of really taking my spiritual health very seriously because I can't take it anywhere that I'm not even willing to go in my own life. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Oh, that is so true. And I think that, once we start looking at it that way, that it has to start with me, a personal revival, a personal relationship, that spiritual transformation within my own heart to then have the kind of wellspring inside of me to even be able to pour into our children and our families. So, in your chapter on modeling the faith, what are some keys or strategies, or maybe even just the first steps that a mother can take? Who is listening to us and thinks - This is something I need to do. This is a place where I need to really take some inventory related to my family. Where does she begin? Victoria Riollano: Yeah, I think the first place she begins is how she talks about herself and how she talks about other people. That right there is going to set the foundation of how you talk to your own children as well. So our mouth, really monitoring what comes out of our mouth because that's the first thing that kids are going to pick up on is how does my mom speak to me? How does my mom speak to other people? How does she talk about other people? I think that is the first thing. And I think that leads to the second thing: How do you interact with your word? How do you interact with your word? Do you speak about the Bible? Is the Bible and God's story of love and hope just throughout your home in every situation? For example, in my home, if my child falls and bumps their knee, I'm immediately like, let's pray for you. We're going to get the band-aids, too, but I'm also going to go ahead and pause and pray for them. So, I'm modeling for them, but I believe in prayer. Even though I didn't necessarily say it, I've modeled it for them. And then one other thing that I also talked about in that chapter is how do we talk about the church. Because that's something that's very important because, as parents, if we want our children to have deeper relationships with God, we really have to monitor How are we talking about the church and what it looks like to be in fellowship and community with other believers, because when we're not there for our kids, it's possible that the church may actually come and step in and fill in those holes. So we want to be very mindful of if we're drawing them closer to God and his people or if we're drawing them away by the things we talk about in that area, too. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Yes. Now I know we said you're a mom of eight kids. Those kids range in age from you just recently having a newborn to what is the age of your oldest child? Victoria Riollano: Yeah, so my kids range from three months to 16 right now. So, every two to three years, babies. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: So, is this book written with a specific mother? In mind regarding her stage with her children, or can moms at any stage in their parenting and their motherhood gain benefit from the lessons that you share, I would venture to say moms really at any stage because there were some battles that I dealt with when my children were under five. Victoria Riollano: But there's some battles that I'm dealing with now that my children are teenagers. It's just totally different worlds. And I'm sure if I were to talk to my mother, who now has a 30-plus child, that there are some battles that she's dealing with, too. So, I feel like at every stage of motherhood, we can use these truths of not believing the lies of the enemy. We can use the truth of modeling what it looks like to be a Christian mom. And we can also use the truth of knowing that we're not alone. And our struggles and that we need to find other women to come alongside us and to be battle buddies for us when things get very tough and very difficult. But I will say that the most difficult age I felt like I needed a book like this more than anything was when I had children who were toddlers and preschoolers. For me, that was the most difficult time frame when I really felt like I was alone in the battle and I needed scope. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That is so true in my own journey. That has been my experience as well. My kids were very close in age, 21 months apart. And so it was that period of time that it just felt so overwhelming there. Unruly. They're kids, they're having fun, they're doing their own thing. And, if most of your friends have kids of the same age, they really don't have a lot of extra time either. And so you do have that period of time when you feel like, wow, this is this, these are the kind of the lonely years of parenting. How can moms help support each other to be warrior mothers? Victoria Riollano: Yeah, I think the biggest thing is when you have a friend who feels a little bit lonely like you described, and I described is to be a good listener. That is a gift that goes far beyond giving parenting advice, throwing books, and taking her coffee to listen. One of the best ways that you can show up for that sister, and I would say secondly and maybe probably more importantly now that I think about it, is to Pray for her when she knows about it and pray for her even when she doesn't know about it every time God brings her to mine Pray for her because you never know the solid struggles that she may be going through that she really needs someone to come alongside her. And if she dares ask you for advice, be sure to lead her back to the Lord and tell her your story, your testimony, and how you've come through hard situations so that she knows that she's not alone. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: That's so good. I think whenever we can extend an opportunity to listen to somebody, I think we forget just the power of making ourselves available, the power of our presence, just to be in the moment with someone when they feel like they're going through and when they're having these hard times. Now, I know that whenever I write a book, somewhere in that writing journey, I learn something I did not expect to learn, and I don't mean like theologically or even scientifically learning something, but I learned something about myself. There's some spiritual growth and maturity that occurs. What surprised you most about your own spirituality and spiritual maturity as you wrote this book? Yeah, Victoria Riollano: I think for me, I really went into motherhood. I. I knew all the things, and I think I went into this book the exact same way only to realize I have a whole journey ahead of me, even like the war plan. I think I have several kids to do their war plan for, too, because of time, but really, writing this book taught me that there is still so much more to know about who God is. There's so much more that I can learn about what it means to be a good mother. I haven't arrived, and I've written this book from that perspective of, I have, I am, people always call me super mom. I'm like, I am not super mom. I am a mom who is trying and doing her best. There were many times that I wrote my book, most of the book inside of the church, and my husband, the pastor. And there were many times that as I was writing, I was crying like God, can you fix this about me too? Because I need help in this specific area. So, it's just the biggest thing, the biggest takeaway from me is to know that we can always grow. We can always learn. If we've ever reached a point where we figured it all out, then we may as well go ahead and see Jesus right now because as for me, in my house, I'm Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: still learning. Amen. Same here. That's a very true statement. As for me and my house, we're still learning too. We have not arrived and have not figured it out. I want to dive a little bit into the word itself because when some people see the word warrior, it seems like it doesn't. The word mother, we think of mother, we think of nurture, we think of soft, gentle, caring, protective, we think about the mother hen, mother bear kind of ideas, but when you attach the word warrior to it, the two words almost look in opposition to each other. So what does it mean to you? What does the word warrior mean to you? Victoria Riollano: Yeah, so base level, when we write books, the first thing we do is start looking up words. The first thing I did was look up the word warrior when God gave it to me. And it means a brave person who is resilient and actively engaged in warfare. And I think, as mothers, we do ourselves a great disservice if we do not realize that we are actively involved in warfare. There is a real God; there is a real devil. Some of these battles that we go through are daily battles, like the kids are up all night, they won't go to sleep, or you have a teenager who's back talking. But some of these battles are real battles in terms of the enemy trying to fight for your children's souls. And if we take the passive approach, they can be in a world of trouble. And so it is so important that we rise up, that we put on our spiritual armor, that we stand in faith, that we stand strong, and that we pray for our kids, like their life depended on it. That's not passive. That is. Aggressive, like the enemy is not gonna have my kids. I know that I'm going to pray for them. I'm going to stand in the gap for them. I will believe for them because I feel like the parents are that first line of defense, especially while they're still in your home. The enemy is bringing everything to try to attack their identity and try to attack who God says they are and what they have, what he has for their life. And I. At the end of the day, I have had that question before. They're like warriors normally attached to manhood and being strong. And I'm like, mess with a mom's kids, and you'll see a warrior come out quickly. I'm just, in so many words, giving her permission to go forth and do as the Lord would have her to. So again, God is the commander-in-chief, but. I'm a soldier, and I'm willing to do whatever it is that God tells me to do to follow the direction to help my kids to know God more and just to know that 100 percent that he loves them without a shadow of a doubt. And there's nothing that I wouldn't do to help them to get to their purpose. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Amen. I think I love this book and the way you approach it so much because of this, I think too often, just as you described, we box women into this concept of soft, gentle, passive, and we, it's almost like we, we strip them of parts of their identity that are strong, courageous. I think about when I think about women in the Bible, the title of your book, Warrior Mother, makes me think of Deborah. Because that's what she was; she was a judge in the book of judges, but really, she was a mother of a nation. And she was a woman who was courageous and had a warrior-type spirit. She was not going to; it wouldn't happen on her watch kind of spirit. And I think every woman has to have some level of that in her own home with her family and with her children. The ability to be open to. Have a war plan, as you mentioned, where you are strategic and how you're approaching these things. I want to close our time together by just looking at, as you mentioned, this war plan, because I think it's so important for us to have kind of a next step. What are some things to include within our war plan as we're thinking, first of all, do we do this for our family, or is it per child? What does it look Victoria Riollano: like? Yeah, I would definitely start with doing it for your family and really mainly focusing on what your mission is as a family and what that foundational verse for my family is Colossian 323. Do it for Jesus. That's like our short way of saying that verse. But for us, that has been like the foundation. And then, as time allows, go ahead and do a war plan for each child. And so that's going to include that mission statement for that child. Remember, these are things that we're getting from God. We're praying, we're asking God, what is your mission for this child? And how can I help them get there? Ask the Lord for a verse for that specific child and then some goals that are related to them. So, in my home, one particular war plan that I created, I had a child who was struggling with reading. And so one part of that goal for him was to help him to read. So this was like a tangible, practical goal. But then on the other end, my goal for him was to instill a sense of resilience, hope, and strength. So, that had more to do with his emotional capacity. So I would say, if nothing else, pray that God will give you a Bible verse for your home that you can stand on. And when things get very frustrating and overwhelming, you could stand on that verse and say, okay, I'm going to continue to trust God because this verse is dear to my heart. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: I love that. That is so practical and so doable. And I think it's a great way to a relationship with our children in a way that is engaging with the spiritual aspect of it, where we are interceding on their behalf, and we are taking things before God and really being intentional about how we pray and how we stand in the gap for them. We've been chatting with Victoria. She is the author of Warrior Mother. Victoria, I want to make sure people know how to get in contact with you and how to get a copy of your book. Victoria Riollano: Absolutely. So feel free to check me out on my website: https://www.victoryspeaks.org/. And then you could also grab my book wherever books are sold, like Amazon.com, Walmart, Target, all the things you'll find it. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: Excellent. We will include a link to your website and your book in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining us today. Until next time. Everyone, live fully, love boldly, and rest intentionally. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 04 Oct 2023 | 222 Choose To Get Up | 00:23:47 | |
Real Talk Kim (Kimberly Jones) shares in this episode how we can get back up after life knocks you down. Connect with Kim on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of You Gotta Get Up: Grab Hold of Your Life After Being Knocked Down, Held Back, and Left Out!
Sacred Rest Quest The definition of Quest is to search or seek for; pursue as if on a treasure hunt! Rest Quest is a personal encounter and adventure with God! Learn more about A Sacred Rest Quest here. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 04 Jan 2023 | 183 Choose Significance | 00:24:47 | |
In this episode, Rachael Adams uncovers how we can choose significance through daily "little" actions. Connect with Rachael on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of A Little Goes A Long Way.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 25 Sep 2024 | 273 Choose Reversal | 00:28:03 | |
Dr. David Bilstrom joins us in sharing ways chronic autoimmune diseases can be reversed or prevented by choosing to address the root cause. Check out Dr. Bilstrom's FREE 7 Holistic Medicine Course. I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 19 Jun 2024 | 259 Choose Courage For Life | 00:27:09 | |
In this episode, Ann White and Dr. Saundra discuss how we can choose courage in the face of the unknown. Connect with Courage for Life on Facebook and Instagram. Get your copy of NLT Courage For Life Study Bible for Women.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
| 22 Mar 2023 | 194 Choose Wounds | 00:25:00 | |
Father wounds can directly affect how we engage with God and the world around us. Kia Stephens joins me to share how we can choose to overcome our wounds and receive healing. Check out Kia's free resources and quiz. Learn more about StartNoo Overcoming Father Wounds.
I Choose My Best Life Podcast is one of the Top 20 Christian Women Podcasts I Choose My Best Life Books: Colorful Connections, Sacred Rest, Come Empty, Set Free to Live Free Connect with Saundra: Twitter: @DrDaltonSmith Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/drdaltonsmith | |||
