Hello Dysfunction (Hello Dysfunction)
Explorez tous les épisodes de Hello Dysfunction
| Date | Titre | Durée | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 11 Oct 2018 | 1: Purple Taser | 01:57:49 | |
For episode one, Pata Fria and Crystal Barbie come out with a bang. The girls start off discussing Pata Fria's recent BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift), crazy Florida stories, the infamous purple taser, mental illness, medication and Crystal accidentally seeing her dad's package. They also go over Bill Cosby, bullies, raunchy sex stories and receiving electronics from family members that still contain dick pics. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 16 Oct 2018 | 2: Dark Web | 01:27:12 | |
This episode requires a trigger warning. Serious issues are discussed including domestic violence, sex work/safety, murder, child abusers, and child molestation. The duo also touches on lighthearted subjects; The slut walk, favorite podcasts, birth charts, mental health, and a haunted house story that will definitely change the mood. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 16 Oct 2018 | 3: Tether Ball | 01:48:58 | |
In this tell all episode Pata Fria and Crystal Barbie open up and share everything about themselves. Secrets are spilled. They discuss mental health, why we (women) settle for the bare minimum, and the difference between pedophiles and cougars. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 23 Oct 2018 | 4: Grandma Candy & Pocket Cheese | 01:48:21 | |
This week the deviant duo return with even more dysfunction. Vaginal hygiene, loving people while they're here, Halloween, ghost stories and superstitions. Later in the show they answer some listener questions, talk about male hygiene and a Dom story to finish you off 💦… enjoy. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 30 Oct 2018 | 5: The Stolen Car | 01:37:53 | |
It's episode five, and the dysfunction continues. This week the girls are talking about adults that don't do oral, scissoring, pegging, and the time Pata taught Crystal how to drive a stolen car. The girls take some listener questions, give a PSA about trunk junk, and close out with a Dom story. As always, dysfunction at it's finest. 😬🙏 Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 06 Nov 2018 | 6: Gas Station Salad & Dirty Sanchez | 01:38:30 | |
The dysfunctional duo is back, and unapologetically unfiltered while discussing sex dolls, g-spot location, open marriages, liars, and prison relationships. They are breaking it down and dissecting so listen up. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 12 Nov 2018 | 7: I'm A Doctor | 01:44:27 | |
From chemtrails, to California fires, to Pata Fria's burn unit vagina story, this week the girls are on fire, literally. The duo also goes over premature ejaculation, tampons vs. diva cups, racism, and a ghost story. This episode is packed with self-love, and of course some more crying, lol. As always, enjoy.. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 20 Nov 2018 | 8: Curing Rickets | 01:36:43 | |
Crystal’s father Big Billy is here and the dysfunction is outta control. "I didn't do drugs before I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I just smoked pot, did acid and rode my motorcycle." Buckle up motherf$^#*s…. Subscribe to our mailing list for updates https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 28 Nov 2018 | 9: Weird Sex | 01:51:20 | |
The holidays are here, and so is the dysfunction. This week the duo are talking about weird news, the online attack on sex-workers, favorite porn, a mirror ghost, and penis size. The girls close out with some listener questions, crazy sex, and a few funny stories. As always, enjoy. T-shirt holiday packs available at https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 04 Dec 2018 | 10: Parental Advisory | 01:44:51 | |
This week the dysfunctional duo are offering up parental advice of all sorts. From the Hawaiian Pine-sol event, apologizing to your children, walking the parent/friend line, and teaching your children gratitude. The girls also touch on dick pics, "porn vs. dom" reality, and as always, listener questions. Enjoy. 💦 Get your holiday t-shirt pack at https://hellodysfunction.com Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 11 Dec 2018 | 11: Gramma's Heart Attack | 01:34:27 | |
This week the dysfunction gets a bit serious. The girls are discussing kaiser's strike, losing virginity, relationship advice, holding grudges, a few very personal stories, and more crying (what's new). Of course the mood is lightened with some of Pata Fria's childhood antics, nail shop preferences, and gramma's "heart attack." This episode does require a trigger warning, as sexual assault is discussed. As always, enjoy. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 18 Dec 2018 | 12: The Playboy Club | 01:28:42 | |
Mental health, toxic relationship behavior, and why Crystal should never enter a church kick off this week's episode. The girls also talk about period sex, shitty celebrities, pervy friends, and Pata Fria's love of shock sites. The holidays, childhood snitching, and good ol' Florida also make an appearance this episode. As always, enjoy. PS- Pata Fria is still NOT a doctor. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 25 Dec 2018 | 13: "Cheese Sandwiches" | 01:22:31 | |
This week the chaos of Christmas, vintage tips on how to snag a husband, Karma and a false birth control method are all discussed. Crystal shares some family dysfunction and we find out why you shouldn't tell Pata Fria you own a restaurant. Happy Holidays xo Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 01 Jan 2019 | 14: God's Well | 01:32:05 | |
It's New Year's Eve and in this final episode of 2018, Pata Fria and Crystal discuss the new year, white parents w mixed children, repairing your credit, being a submissive Christian wife, how Pata Fria got scammed on craigslist and having foul-mouthed children. Have a safe and happy new year. Don't drive drunk. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 09 Jan 2019 | 15: Stay Outta The Creek | 01:50:43 | |
Dog rescues, R. Kelly's bullshit, disturbing childhood stories, bullying, some parenting tips, and dirty creek rendezvous. Trigger warning- sexual assault, grooming and other sensitive issues are discussed. Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 15 Jan 2019 | 16: So Fuckin Majestic | 01:42:27 | |
The following are Rob's guy notes: 1. Range rover white girl curves 2. Pata watched netflix and been on her meds 3. Back page and cryptocurrency 4. Minimalism 5. Documentary disagreements 6. Sexworkers 7. Good karma moments 8. Government fuck ups 9. Face advice 10. Golden showers and rough sex 11. Billy's tomatoes weed plants got busted 12. Pata family crack rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 22 Jan 2019 | 17: Are You International? | 01:42:39 | |
This week's episode wishes a happy birthday to MLK, touches on some current political dysfunction, the raising of older kids, the effects of drugs and mental illness on a family. Crystal's unhealthy ice cream addiction and bizarre eating habits, pledge to only steal from big corporations, listeners questions, a couple sleep walking stories and book yourself a Dom TKO ;) Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 29 Jan 2019 | 18: Foreskin & Pepper Spray | 02:15:34 | |
This week's discussion includes circumcision, pubic hair preferences, parental enablers, the new abortion law, birth control tips, war on sex workers, views on Future and Chris Brown, how to avoid being roofied, and why you should always double check your teeth before going to a dentist appointment. As always, enjoy. Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 05 Feb 2019 | 19: Everything Is Gay | 01:49:17 | |
This week there's some talk about problematic celebrities, the beginning of Black History Month, our shitty government, how the internet really can be great, interesting animal facts, listener questions and a story about bikers undoing their pants. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 12 Feb 2019 | 20: Two for Twomp | 01:53:24 | |
This week starts off w some celebrity drama, blackface fashion becoming an intentional trend, it's Black History Month, grey sweats are for bachelors only, pathological liars, Pata shares an unfortunate incident (trigger warning: a sexual assault is discussed), ending with a little porch surgery among friends. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 19 Feb 2019 | 21: Stop Petting The Cat and Finish | 02:07:11 | |
This week opens up with a Valentine's Day recap, some parental stress and a warning about Love Potion. Weird news, a 3D printable death chamber and interesting poop preferences are also shared. Some listener questions are answered followed by a disturbing dirty client story. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 27 Feb 2019 | 22: Who Thought This Was A Good Idea | 02:17:11 | |
This week we tried something new and had our producer Lev sit in. He won't be back. Enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 05 Mar 2019 | 23: My Penis Was Crying Your Name | 01:37:38 | |
This week’s episode begins with dreams, and spirt communication, discussion of the new MJ documentary, and Billy’s trip to Target for tampons. The ladies also share some info on interesting sex facts, Dubai showers, a begging Bay Area news anchor, and a hypothetical kidnapping. As always, enjoy. | |||
| 12 Mar 2019 | 24: Would You Rather... | 01:37:17 | |
This week episode 24 begins with some feelings about the weather, how we're not anti-pimp and calling men a bitch is a universal no no. Stevi handles business, strip club etiquette and a little talk about Michael Jackson is discussed. More paranormal activity, is makeup catfishing and some awesome listener questions are answered. Mostly. enjoy xo Rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 19 Mar 2019 | 25: Would You F*ck My Dead Body? | 01:35:58 | |
This week is episode 25 and the dysfunction continues with an array of interesting subjects. Some advice is offered to their younger selves, astronauts get a lot of herpes, some women really love dick pics, the French appreciate gross smells, can you really be yourself? and much more. Enjoy, xo | |||
| 27 Mar 2019 | 26: I Hate Babies | 01:27:01 | |
It’s dysfunction as usual this week with another ER visit, soccer startup, Crystal’s new shoes and Pata Fria’s “recovery” to name a few. | |||
| 01 Apr 2019 | 27: YOU WEAR FAKE TOES?? | 01:52:34 | |
Episode 27 is full of random subjects and theories...we revisit chem trails, the effect hairstyles can have on a person, STRONG animal love, sex workers tend to steal, Crystal doesn't eat food or wear panties, Pata Fria completely misunderstood an eBay ad, the latest MJ accusers might be some damn liars, be a good friend or you're outta here, keeping your relationship hiccups within your relationship, and RIP NIPSEY HUSSLE 🙏 | |||
| 08 Apr 2019 | 28: Funerals Should Be Funny | 02:01:40 | |
This week a lot of subjects are covered. White privilege is definitely real, Pata Fria made it to Detroit, Crystal does a good deed, pay attention to signs the universe is sending you, put the car in park before you get out, unfortunate news, Fisting is popular, and loads of listener questions. | |||
| 16 Apr 2019 | 29: I Like To Get Stretched | 01:42:42 | |
After an interesting weekend Enjoy xo | |||
| 23 Apr 2019 | 30: Don't Masturbate To Death | 01:42:02 | |
Episode 30 shows up with a bang. Literally. Some talk about how much April sucks, vaginal steaming bars, Crystal's new auntie tribe and the importance of tipping. Dont ask flight crews to do your dirty deeds, queens and princesses, overbearing moms and how Pata Fria's been spending her free time. Enjoy xo | |||
| 06 May 2019 | 31: Discussing Douches w Strangers | 02:01:46 | |
Episode 31: After a brief hiatus the podcast returns with some dysfunctional family stories, the normalcy of anilingus, bad experiences w cops, a phallic playground, bloody cocktails and lots of listener questions Enjoy xo | |||
| 09 May 2019 | The Yee Yee Girls (bonus Episode) | 00:18:37 | |
A Bonus Episode of Hello Dysfunction with Guest hosts the "Yee Yee girls" | |||
| 14 May 2019 | 32: DAD, DON'T COME IN | 01:36:17 | |
The ladies return for episode 32 with a Mother's Day recap, the importance of being polite, some interesting news, technology is out of control, hygiene nightmares and a work story that involved some of moms miscellaneous items. Enjoy. | |||
| 21 May 2019 | 33: "I Murdered Alicia Keys" | 01:33:20 | |
Episode 33 kicks off with a recap of Crystal's hectic week, a ghost joined the Dom session, weird sex laws, uncomfortable dreams and more. Enjoy. rate us on iTunes Instagram @Hellodysfunction www.facebook.com/HelloDysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow | |||
| 30 May 2019 | 34: Ancestry Is Messy | 01:53:57 | |
Episode 34 is here with a birthday recap, some dark family secrets, a medication update, what not to do in the post office, intuition vs anxiety and Crystal rescued more f*cking cats. Enjoy.
Instagram @Hellodysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
| |||
| 04 Jun 2019 | 35: Wet n Wild 508 | 01:45:38 | |
Pata Fria can’t cry and has tattoo blisters, Crystal has an animal rescue foundation in her home, some mom talk and how to get fly in the 90’s. Enjoy.
Instagram @Hellodysfunction Twitter @dysfunctionShow
| |||
| 11 Jun 2019 | 36: My Whole Life Is A Lie | 01:43:00 | |
Pata Fria reveals a family secret, Crystal has a pleasant surprise while shopping, some film suggestions, what the bedroom is really for, Crystal loves talking to strangers and Pata Fria hates the heat. Enjoy Episode 36.
| |||
| 18 Jun 2019 | 37: Piss over ice | 02:13:47 | |
Episode 37 is here with some hippie hacks, trouble the kids have been into, Crystal’s grandfather is worse than we imagined, unknown neighborhood names, why it’s not always good to refer ppl, and Crystal reveals a shocking secret.
| |||
| 26 Jun 2019 | 38: Hittin Switches | 01:55:36 | |
Episode 38 kicks off with a birthday recap, grandma's having company, don't spoil your kids, bad hygiene is rude, our deplorable government, Reebok pumps and some interesting Q&A
Enjoy.
| |||
| 09 Jul 2019 | 39: "I think Finnish people are cool" | 02:13:39 | |
Episode 39 is here after a week off...the girls describe their new room, another example why humans suck, some celebrity news, food made from science and some beauty tips
Enjoy. | |||
| 18 Jul 2019 | 40: No New Friends | 01:36:40 | |
Episode 40 is back at you with an announcement of the new Facebook group "Hello Dysfunction, the meetup", hot girl summer with golden girl knees, how this show was born, Pata Fria reunites w her dad, Crystal needs to lock her doors, don't flirt with your son and boobs are sex toys.
Enjoy xo | |||
| 23 Jul 2019 | 41: They're Definitely Neighbors | 01:32:53 | |
Episode 41 starts off with a LA vacation recap, Crystal makes a medical discovery, gentrification woes, movie suggestions, animal tales, kids say the darnedest things, loving all things gross, and a very creepy murder
Enjoy xo | |||
| 30 Jul 2019 | 42: God is a Dom | 01:26:32 | |
This episode focuses on a few odd subjects. Crystal's grandfather's feature in a book, don't lose yourself in a relationship, is the zodiac international, the rapture is all a big set up, don't give the internet your info, and do let your friends teach you sexual acts.
Enjoy. | |||
| 06 Aug 2019 | 43: Stay Away From Andy | 01:17:22 | |
This week is episode 43 and the girls discuss some unfortunate events. Always check your drivers license for fine print, brace yourself before entering the post office, download a vpn before watching snuff, and real friends make radio dedications.
Enjoy xo. | |||
| 13 Aug 2019 | 44: Interracial Gangbang | 01:48:21 | |
Episode 44 starts off with Pata Fria manifesting a new pet and sharing her latest reading, unapproachable soccer moms, school shopping is a drag, the truly dark side of being an empath, drifting off your meds, dysfunctional event planning and don't get in trouble at work!
| |||
| 29 Aug 2019 | 45: Pilots Be Drunk | 01:49:03 | |
This week the girls are back with lots of talk about Hawaii and the introduction of Dottie. Getting old sucks, weird dreams and lots of listener questions.
Enjoy.
| |||
| 06 Sep 2019 | 46: I Got Played | 01:35:24 | |
Episode 46 “I Got Played”
This week the girls return with some fun and not so fun announcements. Pata Fria is a newly single Grandma, Dottie is adjusting nicely, Crystal is collecting formal gowns for a great cause, Keto is scary and some listener questions are answered. Enjoy.
| |||
| 11 Sep 2019 | 47: Ancestry is NOT for sex | 01:33:13 | |
Maria tried to scam Crystal, babies don’t have kneecaps, big fondue plans and an interesting “what if”...
Enjoy
| |||
| 17 Sep 2019 | 48: Double D Donyah | 01:24:55 | |
Pata Fria’s been getting artsy, Crystal is still car shopping, dreams and your memory are married, tarot readings coming soon, and don’t support shitty celebrities.
Enjoy.
| |||
| 24 Sep 2019 | 49: All I Can Think Of Is John Travolta | 01:38:31 | |
Typical post break up transformation, Crystal got some new wheels, stranger’s awkward convos, everything is linked to parenting, unusual attractions and white privilege
Enjoy.
| |||
| 03 Oct 2019 | 50: There IS a limit to a mother’s love | 01:33:50 | |
The joys of getting old, Pata Fria is still a practicing doctor, true love of true crime, Amber Guyger is guilty, read more books and parenting woes.
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 10 Oct 2019 | 51: Your Mom Is Not A Drug Dealer | 01:35:12 | |
Kids are difficult, tell your car you love it, the Joker hits home, planned electricity suspension scare, Pata Fria was in a low speed chase with the cops and lots of listener questions
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 23 Oct 2019 | 52: Don’t Call It A Pee Pee | 01:27:43 | |
Cringy words, Crystal has another damn cat, prepare your kids for sticky situations, yoni pearls, blood diapers, the joker, trauma makes you great and a few listener questions.
| |||
| 30 Oct 2019 | 53: 11 Dicks | 01:06:59 | |
Don’t trust Crystal with your Mexican drug operation, the Bay Area has been going thru it, tell your callers when they’re on speakerphone, Kanye does gospel, the universe is being weird, Always removed a logo no one really cares about, don’t be racist for Halloween
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 06 Nov 2019 | 54: I Better Not Be Burnt | 01:33:45 | |
This week the girls periods are syncing in studio 54 with a Halloween recap, no one wants to get drunk and go to bed alone, an absent speculum, always check your tires, strange news and the first round of attendees drawn!
Enjoy xo instagram/@hellodysfunction Facebook/hellodysfunction | |||
| 13 Nov 2019 | 55: Post More Pics of Your Ass | 01:24:39 | |
It’s National Kindness Day, is Rodney Reed a serial rapist? Dottie is leaking clear sh*t, there‘s actually a narcissism spectrum, don’t check anyone’s hymen and stop wasting paper towels.
XO instagram/@hellodysfunction Facebook/hellodysfunction | |||
| 20 Nov 2019 | 56: “Two Live Crew” | 01:18:18 | |
Happy Anniversary.
This week’s episode was recorded live before a studio audience. Crystal revisits a childhood kidnapping. Would you paint your son’s nails? Don’t lock your customers inside the store. Shameful OCD subtypes. Men definitely fake orgasms.
| |||
| 27 Nov 2019 | 57: 15 Dogs Are Missing | 01:15:02 | |
Vacation observations, don’t take your dog’s pills, poop forensics, respect other laws and cultures while visiting abroad, T.I. is still gross, Bezos’ latest donation, and don’t use my good paper towels.
| |||
| 04 Dec 2019 | 58: DON’T SPIT START IT | 01:36:29 | |
Live show recap, Billy was a joy, Apple is glitching our phones, kids shouldn’t give haircuts, foreplay is mandatory, possible potato crisis, signing up for Better Help, listener questions, I probably won’t let an animal get raped.
| |||
| 12 Dec 2019 | 59: F*CK FRED | 01:25:59 | |
Rainy days, kids know when you’re gay, celebrity tension, ‘tis the season for kindness, culture vultures, Crystal’s Animal Rescue is still in business, don’t share contact lenses and be nice to strangers that text you.
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 19 Dec 2019 | 60: Tammy’s Getting Spanked | 01:26:07 | |
Crazy Xmas shopping and delivery delays, Crystal celebrates 14yrs w Mark, internet matchmaking, did Pata Fria finally cure her rash, cancel culture, trust your intuition, delicate familial subjects, save your skin after you die, and did a sweat shop make your outfit?
| |||
| 31 Dec 2019 | 61: What’s Your Dirty White Secret? | 02:05:46 | |
It’s the end of a decade and this week we have the amazing Lil Debbie joining us. Holiday recap, tips on successful gift giving, cats are thieves, New Years traditions from around the globe, don’t cheat during monopoly, baby jousting, and our favorite white trash delicacies.
Happy New Year!!
| |||
| 09 Jan 2020 | 62: Intimate Parts | 01:38:58 | |
The first episode of 2020 is here with more vagina talk, explore the possibilities of lube, teach your kids to properly prank each other, never trust a leather kilt, follow the rules of the internet, keep your brains hydrated, some interesting beauty procedures and ear maintenance
| |||
| 15 Jan 2020 | 63: Are You Leaking? | 01:34:50 | |
Crystal has another sinus infection and Pata Fria’s energy bill has skyrocketed. We need multiple streams of income so try everything, even singing about cats. Don’t shame people for working regular jobs, don’t be a house pirate. Donate your organs and check your pets for wetness.
Enjoy xo Instagram @Hellodysfunction | |||
| 22 Jan 2020 | 64: Give Me ALL The Sperm | 01:30:40 | |
IKEA sucks, Crystal hates January. Pata Fria searches for a dead body and dentures are really common. Read a book, watch the Aaron Hernandez doc and don’t wear nazi costumes.
Enjoy xo | |||
| 30 Jan 2020 | 65: PERTENTIAL DANGERS | 01:28:08 | |
The weekend recap, family drama, McDonald’s soda secrets, pass on the Grammy’s, be on time aka early, practice code switching and let’s all be smart with our money.
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 05 Feb 2020 | 66: Drink The Power | 01:39:53 | |
Crystal saves a cat through osmosis, Pata Fria ponders getting a shock collar for Dottie. Water your hot pockets and wash your ass. Some fun fan questions, a Dom story with a pro golfer and Crystal’ s early wrestling career.
| |||
| 13 Feb 2020 | 67: Stop Skipping All The Good Parts | 01:34:19 | |
Crystals cat is acting like Pata Fria, assume everyone has home surveillance, keep your pets out of your webcam scenes and always support those that support you. Valentine’s tees are a huge hit, no more butter before bed and radio dedications are signs of a good friend.
https://www.instagram.com/hellodysfunction | |||
| 19 Feb 2020 | 68: Wiener Rescue | 01:37:32 | |
Ep.68. V Day recap, it’s time to restructure The Bakers Act, we love dating shows and Robert Lee Noye is a hero. Domestic violence is serious, don’t bomb the wrong house, you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. Enjoy xo
Betterhelp.com/Hello to save 10% | |||
| 26 Feb 2020 | 69: Sex Splits | 01:48:29 | |
Financial literacy is important as are cameras surrounding your house. Dog bites suck, 90s beauty products were great and Pata Fria made Crystal litter. Do a credit check on your future partners and don’t ask how much someone paid for their kids.
Enjoy xo | |||
| 04 Mar 2020 | 70: Just remove the walnut from your butth*le | 01:33:00 | |
Mercury is in retrograde and everyone is feeling it. Don’t worry about the Corona virus, strange news, ppl are cat fishing and women’s bodies really have it rough.
| |||
| 12 Mar 2020 | 71: That Time I Had Anal Warts | 01:56:33 | |
This week Crystal is starting a water challenge while growing closer to her adopted raccoon. Pata Fria revisits the importance of credit and making money on social media. Porn Hub is in hot water, celebrity sex offenders receive some justice and the corona virus might be scarier than we thought.
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 18 Mar 2020 | 72: Pistol Whipping | 01:31:20 | |
Corona Virus is bullying us all, book vs film. Don’t get scammed on the internet, penis injections are a thing and Pata Fria has added a new service to her menu. Stay calm and safe in the house... We’re all in this together.
| |||
| 26 Mar 2020 | 73: Keep Cats Out Of Your Ludes | 01:13:50 | |
Week 2 of quarantine is upon us, some ideas for making use of your time at home, companies extending some free offers to the community, don’t let johns take advantage. Crystal is back to normal and discovered an interesting new way to show off your pets.
Enjoy xo
| |||
| 03 Apr 2020 | 74: I LOVE sex | 01:37:54 | |
Keeping in touch with you guys during the social distancing. This week we discuss lucid dreams, a new baby, ridiculous dads, investigating your partner, tiger king and the inability to get motivated lately may not be your fault...
| |||
| 09 Apr 2020 | 75: Sobriety Swim Test | 01:34:10 | |
Lonely days, disturbing dreams, some family dysfunction, sassy tones and lots of tv
xo Betterhelp.com/Hello | |||
| 16 Apr 2020 | 76: Mom’s New Sex Toy | 01:26:17 | |
Same old shit, different day.
Crystal and Pata Fria handled a joint dog catching assignment. Happy Birthday to Crystal’s mom Charlene. Pata Fria is doing a new form of charity work. Don’t expect Crystal to change her cleaning routine. Be careful how you speak to/in front of your kids. No show can really top The Office and Trump is ready to colonize other planets.
Check out our sponsor!
BetterHelp
To receive 10% off of your first month head to BetterHelp.com/hello, again that's BetterHelp.com/hello to receive 10% off your first month.
| |||
| 22 Apr 2020 | 77: Hit It With Something Wet | 01:35:45 | |
Our brains are getting bored and we’re all dreamers. Home school is stressful. Health over capitalism. Must see show/film recommendations. Frankenstein is freezing and it’s a shitty time for a money scam. Crystal takes us down a dark path about cleanliness and if you don’t want to barter w your landlord don't ruin it for everyone else.
Enjoy.
| |||
| 06 May 2020 | 78: Your Butthole Is Not For Vengeance | 01:52:46 | |
We're back from a break because let's face it, sometimes life takes over. Cinco de Mayo is for drinking, we visit lots of weird news, and why were all grandparents so beautiful? Some parenting talk, new film and book recommendations and keep Crisco out of your god damn cookies. Enjoy.
Thanks to our sponsor for this episode: BetterHelp Right now, just for our listeners you can go to BetterHelp.com/HELLO and use promo code HELLO for 10% off your first month. | |||
| 14 May 2020 | 79: My Tits Were My Best Personality Trait | 01:28:49 | |
We're back again wishing Stevie Wonder and Dottie a happy birthday. Crystal's animal rescue foundation has re-homed all the kittens as she continues work as a full-time contractor. We share some tips on how not to train your dog, and get ready for bell bottoms because they're back. A little frustrating celebrity news and some tv recommendations.
We hope you enjoy xo | |||
| 20 May 2020 | 80: Is Lucy Missing Money? | 01:50:42 | |
Happy Birthday Malcolm X and Pata Fria. Dottie is on her way out, a new animal is on the scene and pelvic pain is the worst. Find out if Crystal is under investigation and don’t let missing fingers and toes be a deal breaker.
Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help To receive 10% off of your first month head to BetterHelp.com/HELLO, again that’s BetterHelp.com/HELLO for 10% off your first month. | |||
| 28 May 2020 | 81: Bitch, She's On TikTok | 02:20:06 | |
It’s been a long hot week and we’re still under quarantine. Sometimes “friends” can be weird. Please practice some online etiquette, Crystal is now offering legal advice and lending out her purse. Pata Fria’s houseguest is showing off and Carolyn is acting out. Weird news, cool things to watch and stand up for our black brothers and sisters or be exiled, it’s not a choice.
Enjoy xo.
*If you or someone you know needs to be tested for Covid-19 please call 1-888-634-1123
| |||
| 10 Jun 2020 | 82: She Ate The Carpet | 01:26:52 | |
We’re back after a break, discussing some of what’s going on in the world. The importance of always speaking up, in the RIGHT way. Problematic family members don’t get a pass. Including Dottie. Crystal has once again expanded her squad. The Bay Area is slowly opening back up and never underestimate the value of good customer service.
Check out our sponsor!
BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
| |||
| 18 Jun 2020 | 83: Crest With Sparkles | 02:12:09 | |
Family drama, celebrities in trouble, a heart attack scare. Police are being erased from tv, company branding is getting a much needed makeover and a few businesses that won’t survive the pandemic. Some day to day objects that can be surprisingly useful, don’t sell content that isn’t yours! And now’s a great time to explore some online dating.
Check out our sponsor!
BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
| |||
| 25 Jun 2020 | 84: Always Wipe The Pee Off | 01:53:30 | |
Happy Juneteenth/Father’s Day/Birthday! The ghost is picking on Dottie, Corona is alive and well, please rinse your damn dishes and everyone needs to wipe. Natalia is at it again, we have some really awesome listeners. No family towels and the ground is still lava.
Enjoy xo | |||
| 02 Jul 2020 | 85: Just Leave Him | 02:10:54 | |
Busy busy week learning new technology. Crystal’s been diffusing family drama and Pata Fria is stressed from not working. Covid is alive and well and it looks like we’ll be charged for treatments after all. Headlines are usually lies and communication is always key.
Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
| |||
| 09 Jul 2020 | 86: You Go Fight At Cheese Park | 02:21:49 | |
Happy Birthday Frida Kahlo. Fires, no sleep, bubonic plague and firecrackers. Racists exposing themselves, a sad election and a couple fights. Always put your own well being first and get out of your comfort zone.
Enjoy xo. | |||
| 16 Jul 2020 | 87: Kevin Is Famous | 01:37:37 | |
California is shut back down, we might lose the Oakland zoo, Crystal and Kevin made the news! Stop following problematic artists, Oklahoma natives are owed some rent and some listener write-ins are discussed.
Wear a mask, people. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
| |||
| 23 Jul 2020 | 88: Speaking Of Heavy Meats | 01:52:03 | |
We’re back with a bang and good news from our doctors! Crystal had a long visit inside a small chamber, spiders can’t be trusted, keep your kids close but give your doggies some space. Try new meats and always be aware of your surroundings. Some difficult news and code switching isn’t a good thing after all. Are re-born dolls doing more harm than good?
Enjoy xo | |||
| 30 Jul 2020 | 89: Maybe Don’t Eat Canned Meat | 01:38:29 | |
Welcome back...some babies have arrived, court went well, cats cast spells, watch out for things sucking your feet! Check expiration dates everywhere, don’t joke about anyone’s trauma, utilize social media now more than ever and bring back products from the 80s!
Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
| |||
| 06 Aug 2020 | 90: The Spence Stinkies | 01:51:22 | |
Crystal is dressed like The Ultimate Warrior, Pata Fria is having contractions. Wear clean underwear for your medical procedures. Don’t have strangers text your kids, if you want Dottie or Crystal’s attention use cheese. Pregnancy really causes some unexpected surprises and body modifications have reached shocking new levels.
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 14 Aug 2020 | 91: Ghosts Are Assholes | 01:58:44 | |
Waking up to some bad news, Crystal is Snow White in her dreams and don't ever question what someone else is purchasing. Fruit cocktail is tied to some uncomfortable memories, new paranormal things are happening and micro penises are more common than you think.
Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 20 Aug 2020 | 92: I'm A Receipt Keeping Bitch | 02:06:38 | |
This week we’re celebrating Crystal’s birthday, playing matchmaker and calling out bullshit. Unexpected places to blow off steam, listener write-ins and probably the worst birthing story you’ve ever heard. Stay cool, stay safe and subscribe xo
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 27 Aug 2020 | 93: Vaginal Preservation | 01:21:12 | |
Crystal is nervous about surgery and guys are really gross. Our air quality is awful and depression is on the rise. Kittens are available! vaginas weren't made for men and please use extreme care when introducing step-parents into your family. I May Destroy You, Perry Mason and The Rain are this week's tv suggestions. Stay safe and don't forget to subscribe!
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 03 Sep 2020 | 94: Poop Knife | 01:56:34 | |
Crystal updates us on her surgery while Pata Fria prepares for hers. Family drama, lots of bullsh*tting on OF, an injured testicle. A funny work story, a listener write-in, and you’ll never look at butter knives the same.
This week’s tv recommendations are In The Dark, 1BR, Married At First Sight, Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 10 Sep 2020 | 95: Can You Even Fit Your Fingers In There? | 01:14:02 | |
Today’s the big day!
Taco Bell KEEPS breaking our heart, Crystal is experiencing some interesting nasal changes, we share secrets on this podcast. Celebrity disappointments, the fires are consuming A LOT, please don’t ejaculate your pets. This week’s tv recommendations are The King of Staten Island and Married At First Sight. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 17 Sep 2020 | 96: Nose Stink | 01:43:27 | |
Our new baby is here!!
The rough ride is finally over, Crystal is healing with a frustrating new side effect, please wash yourself thoroughly before receiving a service. We can’t hang out with problematic celebrities and as a rule, let’s continue learning and becoming a better you every year. Queen & Slim is this week’s tv recommendation. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 01 Oct 2020 | 97: Don’t Scream In The Bank | 01:42:54 | |
We’re back!
Hospital nightmares, no skin checks, vaginas do bleach panties. Monitor your kid’s zoom messages and don’t scream in the bank. Ratched is this week’s tv recommendation. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 08 Oct 2020 | 98: Mrs. Buttersworth | 01:49:36 | |
Beware of guitar picks, Dottie is happy, baby and Carolyn are getting sassy. Halloween is cancelled, PLEASE make sure you vote.
*Trigger warning: domestic abuse is discussed* This week’s tv recommendations are American Murder: The Family Next Door, The Eddy, and The Getaway. Check out our sponsor! BetterHelp
Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO
Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||
| 15 Oct 2020 | 99: Save The Mexican Pizza | 01:11:31 | |
Post office drama, phone overboard, trigger warnings are important and what is the electoral vote! Raccoon babies have arrived, catfish is staged, Saturday is World Mental Health Day.
This week’s tv recommendations are: Waves I Met The Devil Join our Patreon!! patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: instagram.com/hellodysfunction Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com | |||