Fifty Shades of Gender (Esther Lemmens)

Lynn Keiser is a professional in technology and mentor to younger transgender people. Lynn's pronouns are she/her, and she identifies as a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Lynn in this episode. We also talk about how being trans can offer a unique perspective into human psychology, the evolution of relationships and attraction, facets of identity, leaping into the unknown, and doing as much – or as little – as you need to be happy. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/lynn 

Lola Phoenix is a writer, podcaster, and author of the recently published book The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy. Lola's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender, non-binary, and queer. Find out what that means to Lola in this episode. We also talk about being accidentally gender non-conforming, not relating to normative experiences, prioritising action over language, the power in choosing our response, what we do versus who we are, the similarities between an unconventional gender journey and exploring alternative relationship styles, solidarity and the need to unite, the importance of understanding and regulating our nervous system, and being safe within ourselves. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/lola 

In this third Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over a year and a half since the podcast started. We also talk about imposter syndrome, intuition and following the flow, prioritising self-care, expanding on pronouns, improvising and thinking on the spot, reclaiming labels, coming out of the spiritual closet, how the lines between being on the outside and being on the inside are blurring, and that being an ally benefits us all; not just those we are being allies for. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/reflections-3/ 

Helena Key is a queer author and founder of an independent publishing company. Helena’s pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman, pansexual, and bipolar. Find out what that means to Helena in this episode. We also talk about transitioning while parenting a young child, building trust in relationships, the overlap between bipolar disorder and ADHD, challenges in calling out problematic behaviour and opinions in groups, alternative publishing company structures, writing authentic characters, and how to get a more realistic representation of LGBTQIA+ and other marginalised people in books, films, and TV. More on  www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/helena 

This is an episode with a spiritual twist. I have a conversation with Oron, through Medha. Medha is an intuitive energy healer and channeler – to be exact, a direct voice channel – and she has a podcast called A Clear Perspective, where she shares the guidance that comes through from Oron in answer to people's questions. Oron start by talking about what it takes for Medha to allow this energy to come through, and then about expansion and going beyond right and wrong, external and internal division, how truth lies on a spectrum, reclaiming your sense of self-worth, power versus force, coming into inner harmony, what self-love really is, and returning to wholeness. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/clear-perspective 

Lor is an entrepreneur, author and teacher and uses he/she pronouns. He is non-binary, and intersex – assigned female at birth but genetically male – and she is figuring things out when it comes to gender identities, currently working with the labels demiboy and bigender. Find out what that means to Lor in this episode. In addition to the aforementioned labels, Lor also talks about identifying as trans. She has since asked me to omit this label from the title. In Lor's words: "I've since been reflecting on this as I don't believe I should bend to societal pressure to label myself as trans when I am already 'both'. I can't transition into what I already genetically and biologically 'am' - if that makes sense!" Just goes to show we are all very much a work in progress. In fact, Lor has made some very interesting discoveries about himself since we recorded, so a follow-up episode is definitely on the horizon! We also talk about hormone therapy, the vagueness of consent when it comes to medical procedures and the lack of knowledge about intersex variations in the medical profession, reclaiming body autonomy, the wonder that is foetal development, the difference between sex, gender identity and sexual orientation, and why doing identity work is a good idea. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/lor 

Fleassy Malay is a poet, spoken word artist, performer, and writer. Fleassy uses they/them and she/her pronouns, and they are a queer, gender-diverse, neurodiverse genderfluid woman. Find out what that means to Fleassy in this episode. We also talk about embracing the validity of the phases we go through, belonging in both women's spaces and queer spaces, inclusive language and adding more nuance to conversations, internalised shame and being willing to confront our own conditioning, having observations rather than answers, how sacred rage can change the world, and playing in all the spaces. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/fleassy 

Kit Rackley is an ex-Geography high school teacher, now working as an education and program officer for a non-profit that promotes and facilitates collaboration between the climate and energy sectors. Kit’s pronouns are they/them, and they identify as genderfluid, trans-feminine, non-binary and demigirl. Find out what that means to Kit in this episode. We also talk about labels, gender presentation, parenting roles, the journey of gender discovery, USA thrift stores, San Francisco, Harry Potter, feminism and privilege. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/kit/

Kate Brookes is an author, TV reporter, anchor-turned-producer, and filmmaker. Kate is a cisgender woman and uses she/her pronouns. She's also the parent of a transgender child. Find out what that means to Kate in this episode. We also talk about the challenges of deciding on a name, being in transition as a family, the privilege of having access to an accepting community, how important it is to be an ally and educate ourselves, that acceptance is protection, and telling stories in a responsible way. CW: Please be aware that there is mention of suicide in this episode. Also, in this conversation, Kate uses her daughter's old pronouns and name (which is a pseudonym) to communicate how she identified at a given time. This is in line with how their story is told in Kate's new book, Transister: raising twins in a gender-bending world, which was just released, on August 8th. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/kate 

Esther Loewen uses she/her pronouns, and she is a transgender woman. She also identifies as a parent, spouse, pastor, professional includer, and queer. Find out what that means to Esther in this episode. We also talk about how coming out is an ongoing process, questions to ask yourself on the gender journey, finding hope in spirituality after trauma, grieving the loss of vocation, taking a leap of faith, embracing how god made us, integrating and honouring the old self, and entering the next chapter in life with dignity and grace. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/esther 

Harris is a coach and LGBTQ+ advocate on a mission to educate the general population about gender identity. They're also the host of The Transection Podcast, the third season of which is airing on April 30th. Harris's pronouns are they/them or ey/em. They identify as trans non-binary, agender and trans-masculine. Find out what that means to Harris in this episode.We also talk about doing gender differently, how finding your labels can help you find your people, how much our culture revolves around our reproductive capabilities, finding an unexpected calling as an introvert, and how gender happens to all of us. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/harris 

Renée Yoxon is a singer, songwriter, and gender-affirming voice teacher. Renée's pronouns are they/them, and they are non-binary trans. They also identify as maverique and back in the day, genderqueer. Find out what that means to Renée in this episode. We also talk about being who you are right now, bridging the trans and cis experience, how 'passing' is morally neutral, internal vs societal perception of gender, simultaneously upholding and tearing down gender binaries, and how the voice is more nurture than nature. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/renee

Jacob Profitt is a geography teacher. Jacob's pronouns are they/them, and they identify as a gay non-binary person. Find out what that means to Jacob in this episode. We also talk about the freedom that comes with going to university, societal conditioning around masculine and feminine binaries, exploring gender identity through drag, being non-binary in education, feeling attracted to male presenting people as opposed to masculinity, and being inspired by a younger generation. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jacob 

Rachel Lange is a parent, freelance writer and artist, as well as editor of QueerPGH, a community-led publication out of Pittsburgh. Rachel loves to hear they/them pronouns, but is not offended by she or he if they are well-intended. They are a non-binary queer autistic person. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about questioning everything and looking at things differently, being gender non-conforming in different cultures, freeing yourself from gender roles, being a non-binary parent, and giving yourself permission to do things the way you want. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/rachel-lange 

Laurence Sarno is a former entertainer and journalist who now runs a marketing communications consultancy. Laurence's pronouns are he/him. He generally describes himself as a trans man, but his joke about labels is that he's everything in LGBTQIA except the 'L' and the 'A'. Find out what that means to Laurence in this episode.. We also talk about being perceived as you are, a very speedy transition journey, privilege, what we can learn from unconventional relationship styles, embracing who you are, unpacking judgements, and becoming your most authentic self. CW: depression, suicide. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/laurence 

Christine's pronouns are she/her, and she's ok with they/them pronouns. She identifies as a trans woman and is also non-conforming, disabled and neurodivergent. Find out what that means to Christine in this episode. We also talk about how the spectrum of physical biological sex and that of the social construct of gender overlap, the idea of sex dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, medical transition vs social transition and being comfortable on the inside first, supporting people in a way that works for them, the difference in how we all perceive reality including gender, the need for nuance as well as simplification, how being aware of intention can benefit communication, and building bridges between our understanding and others'. CW: paraphilia, autogynephilia. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/christine 

Meeting Christine was the inspiration for the book chapter Esther contributed to the multi-author book Sacred Redesign – How to free yourself from society's standards and create heaven on earth. It's available on Amazon now: find links to purchase on https://estherlemmens.com/ 

Dorothy Pierre-Louis uses he/him/his pronouns, and his nickname is Thyo (pronounced like Theo). He is non-binary and also uses the labels bigender and trans-masculine, as well as toric and graysexual. Find out what that means to Thyo in this episode. Thyo (pronounced like Theo) is a simple urban animal who resides with his friends in a cozy den in Philadelphia. He currently works as a technical recruiter and aspires to make it in the entertainment/media industry as a writer. This dream is slightly hindered by the fact that Thyo is a recovering survivor of the Ivy League education system. As such, he has a complicated relationship with writing and will likely never write ever again. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/dorothy 

Brianne Leeson is a writer, artist, and voice actor, and the creator of the supernatural comedy audio drama, Today’s Lucky Winner. Brianne's pronouns are she/her, and she is autigender, as well as bisexual, polyamorous, and demi-romantic. Find out what that means to Brianne in this episode. We also talk about doing womanhood differently and the infinite flavours of gender and gender expression, accidental polyamory and unpacking social and religious conditioning, what we can learn about communication from autistic people, sensory issues and how they shape expression, finding freedom in embracing your neurodivergence, and questioning everything. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/brianne 

Angela Locashio (aka Mama Pistachio) is a trauma-informed educator and coach, and sexologist. Angela's pronouns are she/her, and she says she's always open to they/them. She is an autistic, queer, genderqueer woman. Find out what that means to Angela in this episode. We also talk about following social scripts and role playing, how authenticity and performance are not mutually exclusive, vulnerability, understanding all parts of ourselves, how we are wired to choose acceptance over authenticity, being yourself in the workplace, the intersection between gender and neurodivergence, and how we are all normal. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/angela 

This episode is a slightly different one again; the first of a Listener Questions series. I'm answering a question (or rather, responding to a request) from one of our listeners, Connie, who said
"I would love to hear a podcast on the definition of terms used on the podcasts." So here it is! More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/listener-questions-1 

Ray Briggs is professor of philosophy at Stanford University, co-host of the radio show Philosophy Talk, and co-author of the book What Even Is Gender? Ray's pronouns are they/them (he/him is also ok) and they are genderqueer, boi, and also a practicing bisexual, and T4T. Find out what that means to Ray in this episode. We also talk about ways to be queer, the expansiveness of the term bisexual, philosophy and decision making, ignoring possibilities, the essence of womanhood (or lack thereof), testosterone's physical and emotional effects, how to define aggression, consent policies, and being impossible. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/ray-briggs 

Juno Roche is a writer, campaigner and author of the books Queer Sex, Trans Power and Gender Explorers. Juno's pronouns are they/them, and they are trans and queer. Find out what that means to Juno in this episode. We also talk about being a writer as part of identity, affirming surgeries versus trying to preserve youth, transitioning into transness as opposed to into a woman, being attracted to masculinity rather than men, owning your skin and celebrating yourself, being an intimacy virgin, and getting lost in words. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/juno 

Mattia Maurée is a composer, writer, AuDHD coach, and founder and host of the podcasts The Longer Road and AuDHD Flourishing. Mattia's pronouns are they/them, and they are nonbinary trans, agender, genderqueer, transmasc, autigender, AuDHD, and queer (as well as neuroqueer). They also use the labels relationship anarchy and poly. Find out what that means to Mattia in this episode.We also talk about being taken seriously when you're outside the gender binary, what counts as an apology and what doesn't, assumptions about presentation, the importance of diverse transition stories, performing gender, how advice for different neurotypes can be conflicting, and navigating intersectional marginalised identities. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/mattia 

Cara Wilde is a neurodiverse channel, mystic and Empath. She has two children, one of whom is transgender. Find out more about Cara's journey in this episode. We also talk about questioning your gender and looking beyond body parts as a cis person, assumptions and misinformation about hormone/puberty blockers, supporting and empowering your child and watching them thrive, what it would be like if we were all free to explore gender, and why we should all question what's considered normal. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cara 

Tash Corbin is an online business owner who helps women and non-binary folk to start and scale their businesses. Tash's pronouns are she/they, and they are neurodivergent, non-binary, a genderfluid woman, and queer. Find out what that means to Tash in this episode. We also talk about what is non-conforming enough, the experience of being sexualised, how showing up with our imperfections builds connection, marginalisation and intersectionality, how we all have internalised misogyny, racism, homophobia and transphobia, seeing each other's humanity, and feeling safe to be yourself. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/tash 

Felix is a figure skater and university student, who plans to go into teaching. Felix's pronouns are they/them. They are non-binary transgender and describe their sexuality as queer. We also talk about the difficulty with fitting in boxes, having to perform gender, how body and identity are different, the binariness in teaching and sports, and how you can figure out your gender at any age. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/felix 

Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are non-binary and transgender, as well as pansexual and panromantic. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about identifying vs being, the freedom in expressing yourself, that clothes have no gender, connection to culture, having an awareness of your own mental health, processing out loud, and how gender expression is for yourself rather than others. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/victor 

In this fourth Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved over three years since the podcast started. We also talk about the decision to take a break, trusting your intuition, intersectionality, internalised misogyny, using inclusive language, questioning everything, opening conversations rather than shutting them down, what allyship can look like, and reclaiming authenticity. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/reflections-4

Registration for our allyship course is now open! Find out more on https://fiftyshadesofgender.com/allyship-course/ and join Esther on this journey of exploration, reflection, and awareness. 

Jenn sets up websites and tech systems for micro businesses. Jenn doesn't have much of an attachment to pronouns and says they or she are fine. They are genderfree, and she also gave us the labels autistic and fat. Find out what that means to Jenn in this episode. We also talk about choosing your own gender badges, the absurdity of assigned gender roles, being conscious of gender-neutral language, how autism in women is underdiagnosed, the limited choices when it comes to clothes, the balance of body neutrality, the various struggles fat people face, and putting the rainbow first rather than it being an afterthought. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jenn 

Yas is a journalist and writer based in London. Yas's pronouns are they/them, and they identify as non-binary. Find out what that means to Yas in this episode. We also talk about detaching activities from gender, pre-colonial gender identities, the importance of writing a will and letter of wishes, why it is essential for public health policy to accurately record trans and non-binary gender identities on death certificates (which is currently not possible), and what we CAN do to respect and honour a person's gender identity after they have passed away. CW: death, suicide. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/yas 

In this episode, I have a conversation with Anna Sansom, a writer, author of erotic fiction and also author of the book Desire Lines, which is a combination of memoir, erotica, and an invitation to reflective self-inquiry. Anna's pronouns are she/her. She experiences herself as genderqueer and feels herself to be gender-responsive. Find out what that means to Anna in this episode. We also talk about the energetic space between people, being responsive vs being reactive, how boxes can be constricting as well as expansive, playing with gender and sexuality, reclaiming the word 'dyke', self-healing through sexual experiences, liberating ourselves and writing our own story, pursuing desire, and why it's more than ok to want more out of life. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/anna 

Cassian's pronouns are they/them and they identify as non-binary and agender. Find out what that means to Cassian in this episode. Cassian started the Gender Census in 2011 and they talk about their main learnings and insights in the nine years of running it. We also talk about finding gender inside (or not), navigating public toilets, passion and experience versus education, the overlap between gender identity and sexual orientation, finding common ground where there appears to only be contradiction and conflict, and microactivism; how small actions can have a big impact. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cassian 

Kai is a Garden Designer and consultant, and CEO at Polaris Garden & Landscape Architects. Kai's pronouns are he/him, and he is trans-masculine, transgender, queer, and a tad non-binary. Find out what that means to Kai in this episode.. We also talk about the importance of representation, experiencing intimacy and sex and navigating expected as well as unexpected changes being on T (testosterone), consent and re-establishing boundaries, separating masculinity and femininity from body parts, qualities, and dynamics like dominance & submission, and never being done with transitioning. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/kai 

Finn Evans is an artist, writer, film director, and owner of the production company Chudatsi. 

Finn’s pronouns are he/him, and he is trans-masculine and queer. He also uses the label trans man. Find out what that means to Finn in this episode.We also talk about challenges with gendered language, finding your people, what labels feel like home, intersectionality and discrimination, the importance of accurate media representation and celebrating genuine efforts at it, tackling misinformation, and letting people evolve.

More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/finn 

Jin Wicked is an artist, illustrator, and writer, on the autism spectrum. Jin's pronouns are they/them, and they are agender and non-binary. Find out what that means to Jin in this episode. We also talk about pushing boundaries, questioning what's normal, seeing the body as a canvas, finding beauty and art in everyday life, discovering being neurodivergent, integrating different identities, being present in the moment, and learning to be human. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jin 

Anshar Seraphim is a consultant, trainer, speaker, and neurodiversity advocate. Anshar likes they/them pronouns, but because they present as male, they don't really mind he/him. They identify as non-binary, because of their lack of exposure to gender constructs as an autistic person. Find out what that means to Anshar in this episode. We also talk about expectations of maleness, sensory difficulties, navigating relationships, social exclusion and isolation, making connections, masking, opening up conversations, effective listening, and learning how to treat each other well. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/anshar 

Leonie Dawson is a proudly neurodivergent multi-passionate entrepreneur, author, podcaster, prolific course creator and massive swear bear. Leonie's pronouns are she/they, and they are non-binary. Find out what that means to Leonie in this episode. We also talk about honouring the land we inhabit, the freedom that came from adding a 'they' pronoun while having a 'she' experience, being non-conforming in business, the importance of having open and honest money conversations, knowing who you are inside and standing for what you believe in, kicking the social media habit, and smashing the patriarchy by being more of yourself. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/leonie 

Harris Eddie Hill is a podcaster, best-selling author and coach. Harris's pronouns are they/them or ey/em, and they are agender, non-binary, and trans (with a dash of 'boy'). Find out what that means to Harris in this episode. We also talk about being on testosterone, embodying queerness in intimate relationships, finding safety in yourself, navigating family dynamics and having consensual conversations, the importance of having access to a supportive community, what it was like living through Section 28 times, allyship and inclusivity, and exploring kink. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/harris-2 

You can now register your interest for our upcoming allyship course – go to www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/allyship-course, or navigate to the course page via the website menu, to be notified when it goes live.

Charlie Orriss says he would love to be a mental health ambassador one day. Charlie's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as an FTM (Female To Male) trans man. Find out what that means to Charlie in this episode. We also talk about labels as a protection as well as a hindrance, how gender and mental health go hand in hand, the therapeutic benefits of cosplay, and what Dissociative Identity Disorder can be like. CW: self-harm. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/charlie-orriss/ 

Dean is a Life Coach who is passionate about empowering the LGBTQ2S community. Dean uses he/they pronouns. He is a trans man, but they also resonate with the labels trans-masculine, genderqueer and non-binary. Find out what that means to Dean in this episode. We also talk about being a non-binary parent, separating the role of nurturer from gender, experiencing dysphoria in pregnancy, gender assumptions and how we are perceived, how testosterone can affect attraction, and the freedom that can come from trying out names and pronouns. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/dean 

Greyson, a furry and budding artist, is a trans man, but identifies with wolfgender, which is a xenogender. Greyson uses he/him/himself as well as wolf/wolfs/wolfself pronouns. Find out what that means to Greyson in this episode. We also talk about discovering your identity through playing someone else, separating gender from male/female, man/woman and masculine/feminine, how queer identities are a lot of work, self-medicating with testosterone, respecting artistry and artists by paying them well, and how gender journeys are a great way to get to know yourself deeper. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/greyson 

Lux is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and French expat, who has been in the UK for over ten years. Lux's pronouns are he/they, and he is a queer, genderfluid, polygender, non-conforming man. Find out what that means to Lux in this episode. We also talk about seeing labels as a field, the need for softness as well as radicality in activism, how gender identity is separate from gender expression, the pathologising of queer identities, not being able to simplify your complexity into a static gender, how gender plurality and sexual fluidity intertwine, and not leaving any part of us out. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/lux 

Sally Goldner AM is an educator, speaker, leadership consultant and life coach. Sally's pronouns are she/her, and she identifies as a bi/pan introvert & Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trans woman. Find out what that means to Sally in this episode. We also talk about how our unique personality labels interact with each other, unlearning and unblocking ourselves, balancing the masculine and feminine in leadership by becoming better at receiving and listening, and breaking the binary by queering Tantra. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/sally 

Zelda is a performer and magician. Zelda is happy for people to use the pronouns they feel are appropriate. She is intersex and disabled, and refers to herself as trans-adjacent. Find out what that means to Zelda in this episode. We also talk about using fun vs boring as decision-making criteria as opposed to male vs female, having a gender identity as fluid as a body identity, knowing the science versus living the science, giving hope by being yourself, being a bridge between dualities, lucky genetic quirks, and being a special case. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/zelda 

Anne Hodder-Shipp is a sex and relationship educator dedicated to providing accurate, empowered, compassionate, and expansive sex education. Anne's pronouns are she/they, and she is a queer femme. They're also neurodivergent with a recent ADHD diagnosis. She doesn't have language that totally feels right, but says that sometimes agender, non-binary, and demigirl work. Find out what that means to Anne in this episode. We also talk about not having a sense of belonging, feeling safe in your skin, self-soothing and meeting yourself where you're at, upholding meaning over language at all cost, how the gender binary is weaponised, that a new awareness of reality is often accompanied by a mourning process, looking at love languages through a different lens, and reframing the concepts of love, touch, and relationships. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/anne 

Talea uses any pronouns, and they are agender and metagender. Find out what that means to Talea in this episode. We get philosophical and dig deeper into gender identity, and we talk about the challenges with finding language for something just beyond our grasp, nature vs nurture and what is innate in our identity, and peeling away layers and finding nothing. As we start to wrap up the conversation, some more really juicy things came up, so we keep going for another 10 minutes or so after I thank Talea for sharing her experience. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/talea 

Genevieve is a sex and relationship therapist (in training). Genevieve's pronouns are they/them. They say the easiest terms are non-binary and queer, and they definitely identify as trans as well. Find out what that means to Genevieve in this episode. We also talk about being born into activism, performing womanhood, reframing feminism, women's spaces vs LGBTQ spaces, how what's 'normal' is rigid and idealised when it comes to sex and relationships, teaching consent from a young age, and why we should all consider therapy. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/genevieve 

Edalia Day is a spoken word artist, video designer and theatre maker. Edalia's pronouns are they/them. They are transgender and identifiy as non-binary. Find out what that means to Edalia in this episode. We also talk about acting, clothes, the tv show The Good Place, the gender binary, support groups, visibility and the term ‘passing’, gender options on forms, Hamlet, free speech, representation of trans people in the media and in comedy, and films like Silence of the Lambs and Ace Ventura. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/edalia 

Carrie Marshall is a writer, musician, and author of her memoir, Carrie Kills A Man. Carrie's pronouns are she/her, and she is a trans woman. She's also a lesbian, and demisexual. Find out what that means to Carrie in this episode. We also talk about transness only making sense in the rearview mirror, how much more challenging things can become once you start transition, what the anti-trans movement has in common with the witch trials, being ambushed in the media, why everything is gendered, hope for the future, and walking unafraid. CW: mention of suicide. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/carrie 

Cassie is a writer and public speaker focusing on intersectionality and social justice. She's the founder of Empowered Trans Woman and Smart Sluts, a sex-positive community of women.
Cassie's pronouns are she/her, and she is a Latina woman of trans experience. Find out what that means to Cassie in this episode. We also talk about the subtleties and challenges of inclusive language, internalised transphobia, being the best of both worlds, toxic masculinity as a cult, sex positivity and freeing ourselves from shame, female anatomy, consent, and leaving a legacy. CW: suicide, death, rape. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cassie 

Bella's pronouns are she/her, and she is a trans woman – with more emphasis on the woman part than the trans part. Find out what that means to Bella in this episode. We also talk about what affects how we're perceived, how noticing small moments of genuine happiness can help us embrace our identity, finding a name that feels right, what settling into femininity can look like, how films and tv are problematic in hindsight, hurdles on the coming out journey, working through shame, trusting your gut, and accepting your light and your dark, to your bones. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/bella 

Rachel is a keen traveller and regular speaker at tech events, usually on the subject of community building. Rachel's pronouns are she/her, and she's not fond of using gender labels for herself. In her words, she is a woman and identifies as a motorcyclist, a technologist, and many other things. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about being something versus identifying as something, coming out at work, riding a motorbike, travelling solo, and how safety is a relative thing. To clarify some terminology that is used in the episode: T is short for testosterone. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/rachel 

Joe is an educator and trainer on improving inclusivity in workplaces and schools at the Norfolk LGBT+ Project, and he's also an artist running a small business as an illustrator.
Joe's pronouns are he/him, and he identifies as a femme boy, non-binary, and trans. Find out what that means to Joe in this episode. We also talk about socialisation and reinforcing gender stereotypes, performing gender versus living gender, medical versus social transitioning, mental health struggles, how being willing to get it wrong is better than staying silent when it comes to supporting people, and the benefits of simplifying life. CW: suicide, self-harm, threat. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/joe 

Charlize's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender woman. Find out what that means to Charlize in this episode. We also talk about the importance of community and local connections, owning who you are, society's obsession with looks, that it's never too late to be brave, how your path is unique rather than right or wrong, and that people don't need to change their minds to have a change of heart. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/charlize

Joris Grey is a business coach for activists. Joris's pronouns are he/him, and he is a trans man, and queer. Find out what that means to Joris in this episode. We also talk about being comfortable in your body, getting the method of application right when going on hormones, the importance of representation, the need to focus more on the thriving of trans people rather than the struggle, the difference between sustainable and regenerative, and allowing ourselves to create a big vision for ourselves and the world. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/joris 

Skin is the singer of the rock band Skunk Anansie, a radio show and podcast host, and author. Skin's pronouns are she/her, and she is a queer person. Find out what that means to Skin in this episode. We also talk about stepping stones to new language, the obsession with beauty in the gay community, breaking gender roles, given names and designing your own sense of self, a cultural sense of identity, expanding on feminism, marriage and motherhood, chosen family and learning how to love each other, staying open and giving people a chance to change their minds, and how we need to join forces and stop fighting each other. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/skin 

Charlie Caine is a theatre composer, lyricist and LGBT+ and political activist. Charlie's pronouns are he/him and he identifies as a gay trans man. Find out what that means to Charlie in this episode. We also talk about gender identity & expression vs sexual orientation, gender roles, transitioning, dysphoria, gender identity clinic (GIC) waiting lists, trans visibility and activism, and how there is no such thing as a universal trans experience. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/charlie 

Emme Porter DeWitt is an author, advocate, and authenticity coach. Emme's pronouns are they/them/theirs. They are agender and also identify as transgender, non-binary, queer and demisexual. Find out what that means to Emme in this episode. We also talk about how we all have our own unique flavour of humanity, making sense of attractions, the importance of emotional connection, building your own blueprint for relationships, the possibilities in the term queer, being a solo advocate, how parents can build a healthy relationship with their gender-expansive kids, and getting rid of the boxes altogether. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/emme 

Chris Talbot-Heindl is an artist and educomics creator. Chris's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender, non-binary, asexual and panromantic. Find out what that means to Chris in this episode. We also talk about how labels can mean something different each day, that the gender binary is a colonial construct, gender fuckery and gender abundance, cultural influences on gender, what allyship is and what it's not, how to take accountability, feeling safe in ourselves, dismantling internalised belief systems, and making space for abundance. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/chris-th 

Evey Winters is a transgender advocate, educator, and hot sauce addict. Evey's pronouns are she/her. She uses the labels transgender and transsexual woman, and also educates about both of these labels. Find out what that means to Evey in this episode. Find out what that means to Evey in this episode. We also talk about identity and how it forms, manhood and womanhood vs masculinity and femininity, metagender (which is what's between cisgender and transgender), learning vs education, how to have conversations about gender, and exploring the uniqueness of womanhood. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/evey 

For personal reasons, Ange asked us to take her episode down, so we have honoured her request. Although Ange's story is unique and there is of course no replacement, you can listen to other episodes from parents of transgender and non-binary children and adults on fiftyshadesofgender.com/podcast, and you can find an article on the blog called 'Is your partner, child, parent or friend transitioning, or questioning their gender?' with all of these episodes to listen to. You can also search by label on in the episode list.

Rowan Bombadil is a psychosexual coach and interfaith minister, dedicated to bridging the binaries between sex and spirit. Rowan's pronouns are they/them/their, and they are a genderqueer shapeshifter and sex witch. Find out what that means to Rowan in this episode. We also talk about deconstructing boxes and binaries, the link between gender, sex and magic, reclaiming the body and revealing more of ourselves, roleplay vs shapeshifting, multiplicity and spanning the gender spectrum, transformation through intention, and celebrating the sacred in ourselves. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/rowan 

Cleo Madeleine is a researcher, activist, and poet. Cleo's pronouns are she/her, and she is queer, trans, and a woman. Find out what that means to Cleo in this episode. Join us as we briefly go down a rabbit hole of queer history and time, talking about the entanglement of sexuality and gender, linguistic limitations, the intersection of history, language, and identity, what is left out of history, the construct of normativity, levels of activism, and the many ways things can get lost in translation. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cleo 

Jason Lee is an LGBTQI+ Youth Worker, previous presenter on The T-Boys Show on Pride Radio, and the first legally married transgender person in the UK. Jason's pronouns are he/him, and he is intersex and transgender (a trans man), as well as heterosexual and neurodiverse. Find out what that means to Jason in this episode. We also talk about disconnecting from the body and reclaiming yourself, the role of genetics in hormone therapy, and Gender Recognition Act reform. CW: suicide, bulllying, electric shock therapy, sexual assault, abuse, and trauma. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jason

Jen Hartmann is a fashion designer and founder of the trans-positive label Baal Fashion. Jen is pretty much ok with all the traditional pronouns, but prefers he/him. He is non-binary and also identifies as bigender. Find out what that means to Jen in this episode. We also talk about growing up with a very gendered language, being expected to fit into cultural and gendered stereotypes, disrupting the fashion industry and the future of innovation, how clothes are an integral part of gender expression, navigating entrepreneurship and the challenges that come with doing your own thing, surrendering to divine timing, and that one size does not fit all. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jen 

In this second Reflections episode, Katy interviews Esther as she reflects on further conversations she’s had with gender-diverse folks, what she’s learned about gender, as well as her own journey and how she and the podcast have evolved almost a year since the podcast started. We also talk about expectations, finding the essence of each conversation, the subtleties of language, intuition and setting intentions, awareness and facets of identity, assigned titles, smart business decisions, the discomfort of learning, and discovering ourselves as we go. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/reflections-2/ 

Sofie Hagen is a multi-award-winning London-based Danish comedian, author, podcaster, and content creator. Her new book, Will I Ever Have Sex Again? Is out today, May 23rd, 2024.

Sofie's pronouns are she/her and they/them, and they are non-binary and queer. Find out what that means to Sofie in this episode.

We also talk about being raised as a person, how boundaries can be a gift, that safe sex is as much about being present as it is about using protection, that all bodies are new bodies when it comes to having sex, how fatness often complicates everything to do with gender, building self-trust, and becoming a safe person for yourself. 

More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/sofie 

Beverly Little Thunder is an activist, community leader and teacher, and founder of a non profit organisation that provides a safe space for ceremony for Indigenous LBGTQIA people. Beverly uses she/her pronouns, and she is a Two-Spirit Lakota woman from the Standing Rock Band in North Dakota. Find out more about her story in this episode. We also talk about what the term Two-Spirit encompasses, how religious indoctrination led to Two-Spirit people being ostracised, the cultural and societal roles we assign masculinity and femininity to, how tradition has evolved with community needs, that you don't have to give birth to be a role model, and the importance of telling your own story. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/beverly 

Finley's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender, non-binary, agender, and a demigirl. Autigender is another label they are considering adding. They are also autistic, polyamorous, and kinky. Find out what that means to Finley in this episode. We also talk about the connection between facets of identity including gender, neurodivergence, polyamory and kink, feeling safe to be authentic, reclaiming childhood and nurturing the inner child, misconceptions about kink and sex work, body appreciation and recovering from an eating disorder, and trying to function in a society that's constructed for people who are not disabled. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/finley 

Jareth is a multifaceted transgender creature who dabbles in multiple types of artistic expression and crafting, and is also a professional model. Jareth's pronouns are he/him. He is transgender and also likes to use the labels agenderflux, demiboy and alien. Find out what that means to Jareth in this episode. We also talk about the nuances of gender labels, the difference between gender identity and gender expression, modelling before and after coming out as transgender, what we've made masculine and feminine mean, and turning yourself into a walking piece of art. CW: extreme body modification, surgery. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/jareth 

Rachel's pronouns are she/her, and she is a transgender female. Find out what that means to Rachel in this episode. We also talk about being transgender vs having gender dysphoria, how coming out is a process, transitioning during covid, the actual and hidden cost of transition, how hard it is to get a GRC (Gender Recognition Certificate), how the term 'TERF' has evolved, and feeling like yourself. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/rachel-dover 

Tara Dax is a biologist, streamer, cosplayer and Trekkie. Tara's pronouns are they/them and they identify as non-binary. Find out what that means to Tara in this episode. As well as geeking out on Star Trek and conlangs (constructed languages), we dive deeper into masculine and feminine. We also talk about finding resonance in pronouns, meaning in a name and connection in a character, and they debunk certain gender arguments people assume are rooted in biology. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/tara 

Cameron is a Doctor of Computer Science and University Lecturer. Cameron's pronouns are she/her, and she is a newly discovered woman. She refers to herself as female but trans. Find out what that means to Cameron in this episode. We also talk about gender roles in society and relationships, how life has changed after coming out only a month before this conversation took place, and the role of loss in embracing your true self. CW: abuse, death. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cameron 

Victor's pronouns are they/them, and they are transgender and non-binary, as well as pansexual, neurodiverse, and ADHD. Find out what that means to Victor in this episode. We also talk about being out as a trans person at work, having a different understanding of the same labels, normalising gender diversity in society, body dysmorphia and gender expression, transphobia in the media, unlocking aspects of identity, and the evolution of awareness. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/victor-2 

Ely Percy is a writer, author of the novel Duck Feet (and more), and brain injury survivor. Ely's pronouns are they/them, and they are a queer, agender, neurodivergent person. Find out what that means to Ely in this episode. We also talk about being neurodivergent from a brain injury perspective, being 'not straight' during Section 28, acting normal, coming out again, not recognising yourself in the gender binary, and how gender diversity is expanding in film and TV. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/ely 

CN Lester is a musician, writer, researcher, queer/trans/feminist activist, and author of the book Trans Like Me. CN's pronouns are they/them, and they are a trans person. Find out what that means to CN in this episode. We also talk about the importance of strategy when it comes to gender education, effects of testosterone on the singing voice, books, and the queer history of opera. CW: castration. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/cn 

Helen Belcher is an activist working to promote trans inclusion for more than a decade. Helen's pronouns are she/her, and she is a woman with a trans history. Find out what that means to Helen in this episode. Find out what that means to Helen in this episode. We also talk about the different faces of conversion therapy, losing your religion, being publicly trans in politics, systemic transphobia and holding the media accountable, how the bathroom argument is really about gender apartheid, voting for what we want rather than against what we don't want, and how knowing the direction is more important than knowing the destination on the journey towards being more of yourself. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/helen

Devi Irony is a dominant and sex worker, as well as an activist and educator in the kink and BDSM scene. Devi's pronouns are they/them, and they are a non-binary person. Find out what that means to Devi in this episode. We also talk about the freedom that can come from embracing a label, how certain body parts are not necessarily gender markers, societal conditioning and standards and playing with gender presentation, how gender fits into BDSM and kink, what 'sex work' can include, kink trends in times of a pandemic, and the importance of touch and human contact. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/devi 

Esther is taking a break from creating new episodes for now, and talks about she came to that decision. Thank you to all our patrons, to those who bought us a coffee, donated, listened, shared and helped. Until next time! More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/90shades 

Brian Belovitch is an author, actor and activist. Brian's pronouns are he/him/his, and he identifies as a cis-gay male of trans experience. Find out what that means to Brian in this episode. We also talk about being different and growing up in the 60s and 70s, looking for validation, living a fantasy life, performing the role of perfect woman, dealing with judgement, how everyone's journey is unique, finding a different way to be comfortable, and going full circle and reaching a new destination. More on www.fiftyshadesofgender.com/brian