Enough, the Podcast (Mandy Lehto)

What actually holds you together when life blindsides you? Maybe it’s a breakup. A diagnosis. Or the crushing weight of everything right now.

If you’re wired for hustle, your first instinct might be to work through it—to push harder, achieve more, be exceptional. What if the answer wasn’t in doing more, but in seeing oneself as LESS? Wait, what?

Julia Baird—broadcaster, journalist, and bestselling author—gets it. She loves being hyper-productive. But when her world cracked open, she didn’t seek solace in success. Instead, she discovered the power of her shrinking self and the practice of deliberately seeking awe.

In this episode, we dive into the joys (and downsides) of hyper-productivity. We examine “the shrinking self”— and why it might be your secret weapon during tough times. We talk about the sustaining power of deep friendships, ocean swimming and dancing. You’ll also learn what Julia has recently said “ENOUGH!” to and felt better for it. You know those episodes where you take notes, read the transcript, and listen twice? This might be one of them.

0:00 Intro

3:40 Julia’s broken foot. The Guardian article on the need to be special

6:00 Julia shares that she loves being hyper-productive

10:10 Julia talks about her Calvinistic work ethic – the sense that we must contribute to the world

14:45 Julia could write during difficult times

15:30 The importance of feeling small

19:17 The shrinking self

20:44 The overview effect

23:20 If we’re too into achievement, we can experience the power of silence

25:46 Exploring what makes us strong. Julia discusses examples after her breakup

28:49 Things that “glow” in moments of darkness – like ocean swimming for Julia

30:30 Slow looking

34:54 The power of connection and female friendships

40:00 Maybe “ordinariness” is the wrong word

41:24 Julia’s powerful quote that Mandy reads out

44:50 Julia has learned a lot from people who are “broken” – she refers to Nick Cave’s music

47:28 What Julia is saying “Enough!” to, and feeling better for it

50:00 Julia’s word(s) of the year

51:10 OUTRO

Links

Julia Baird’s books: Phosphorescence; Bright Shining: How grace changes everything.

Julia Baird’s Ted talk, The Power of Feeling Small.

Julia on Instagram.

Mandy on Instagram.

Dacher Keltner’s book, Awe.

The Guardian article: Why we should stop wishing we were special – and celebrate being ordinary.

If you’ve ever achieved a big goal, was it everything you’d hoped? Probably not. Callum Wilson dreamt of representing England’s national rugby team since he was a kid, but when it happened, it didn’t change his life the way he’d hoped. Sidebar: This is NOT an episode about rugby. It’s a powerful, tender conversation about how a tattooed, 113kg overachiever handled “arrival fallacy” – the concept that if we just achieve that big goal, THEN we’ll be happy. You’ll learn why diversifying your “goal portfolio” can create a positive shift, and how to handle the negative inner chatter when it insists you’re not enough. 

Links:

Callum Wilson on LinkedIn.

NYT article on Arrival Fallacy, with Dr Ben-Shahar

When you’ve spent years in survival mode at work, your body starts perceiving this as normal. A recent article in Forbes mentions a new profile of burnt-out employees, the ‘engaged-exhausted.’ They continue to function at the highest levels, but inside they’re highly stress and have mixed feelings about their careers. Why do some people continue to push themselves to breaking point?

I’m in conversation with Tatiana Poliakova, ex-Managing Director at Nomura, an investment bank. Tatiana was addicted to success and adrenalin, but her body started sending up flares. You’ll also meet Consultant Clinical Neuropsychologist, Dr Antonia Kirkby, who explains why someone who is highly identified with the status and the buzz of the job, can lose touch with red flags from their bodies. Join us. Your nervous system will thank you.

Links:

Tatiana Poliakova’s website.

Forbes article on the “engaged-exhausted.”

Dr Antonia Kirkby on Instagram.

Jessica Maguire on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Have you ever pushed down parts of yourself to fit in? I’m guessing we all have.

What if you’re a person of colour? How does that complexify the story?

Today’s guest is executive coach Kanchan Prinsloo.

You’ll hear how Kanchan learned to fit in, because true belonging didn’t feel accessible to her – neither in society, nor in her own family.

Kanchan learned to “perform” vulnerability, connection and belonging.

She created a “second self” that felt acceptable and believable. Maybe then she’d feel enough.

But pushing down her truth (and the secret she was hiding) felt too much, and Kanchan realized that true belonging meant exploring who she REALLY was, under the façade of the performer and the “fitter-inner.”

Now in her mid-50s, Kanchan is owning her story – much of it for the first time, here on the pod. She’s still in the mess of the process, which is precisely why I invited her to speak to us. She offers practical tips for “women of culture” to help navigate their own explorations.

Poignant and thought-provoking. Join us.

Kanchan Prinsloo’s website: https://kapriconsulting.ca

Kanchan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kanchanprinsloo/

Resmaa Menakem’s website: https://www.resmaa.com

Reinvention often stirs up a storm—self-doubt, not-enoughness, the old habits of perfectionism and overworking. We think we have to earn our way out of stuckness. But what if the answer wasn’t in doing more—but in needing less? What if your enoughness was right there in plain sight, but you’ve been looking for it in the wrong places?

This week, I’m joined by the glorious Donna Ashworth: poet, best-selling author, and queen of reinvention. She’s been a music industry exec, a magazine journalist, a business owner (of a children’s play centre) —and through each chapter, she’s rewritten what it means to feel enough.

By using her poet’s eye, Donna has mastered the art of being easily pleased—finding beauty in the ordinary, and joy in the small. And in doing so, she’s removed the pressure to get reinvention “right.”

If you’ve ever felt stuck, lost, or like it’s too late to start over… this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.

Links

Donna Ashworth’s website & books

Donna Ashworth on Instagram

Mandy Lehto on Instagram

Julia Baird episode

Calling all overachievers! Ever wonder if your exceedingly high work ethic is your authentic way of functioning?

Like really, really?

Maybe it’s a series of beliefs that you internalized along the way.

Maybe your whole system for “doing” is based on someone else’s fears – a parent’s, perhaps, who said things to you like, “You’ll amount to nothing with those grades.”

Enter Dr Erin Baker, social psychologist, transformational coach, and rad human.

They were an anxious child who grew up with overachieving parents, both professors.

Erin shares how they became a burnt-out overachiever (whose Facebook job looked shiny and impressive on the outside), and what finally made them stop driving themselves to exhaustion.

AND (*this bit is super exciting*) they share how they’re doing productivity from a place that feels aligned – and sustainable. It IS possible, folks!

You’ll learn:

• How to dialogue with your achiever
• How to figure out what you really want
• Explore MVP, minimum viable productivity

Press play and join us!

Dr Erin Baker on Instagram

Erin’s website

Laziness Does Not Exist, by Devon Price

Allison Crow

Internal Family Systems

You dream of reconnecting with the things you once loved. Erm, what were those things again? For years, it’s been all about work, and managing an array of things and other people. You’ve all but disappeared. You’re busy and getting busier. Something’s got to give, and you’re afraid it might be you.

That’s what happened to today’s guest, Paden Hughes. She was a CEO navigating the pandemic, with two small kids in tow. She shares how she went from face planting of exhaustion and burnout on her kitchen floor, to creating a life that’s no longer built on the hustle and grind. 

Prepare to have your thinking challenged around creating spaciousness, no matter how busy and important you are. No fairy tale godmothers were involved. 

Join us!

Paden Hughes’ website.

Paden on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.

Dr Mark Goulston’s episode.

Charlotte Fowles’ episode.

Do you ever notice that you’re completely clenched up? As in, your neck has gone missing. Your jaw is a vice grip.

What IS it about the neck and jaw area? And I’m curious if this part of the body might be particularly “clenchy” for people with tendencies towards perfectionism and people pleasing.

Is this area a proverbial lint trap for all the things we don’t say, for fear of confrontation or being disliked?

My guest for this exploration is Dominique Antiglio, an acclaimed Sophrologist, best-selling author of “The Life-Changing Power of Sophrology”, and Founder of leading online Sophrology platform, BeSophro. She’s a regular speaker for Amazon, Asics, the World Economic Forum, the UK government, and gives master classes to the Soho House, Lululemon and many others. 

You’ll learn why we tend to hold tension in the jaw and neck area, and some brilliant techniques to unclench.

Oh! There’s also a cameo with a special guest.

Punchy, practical and jaw-changing. Join us!

Dominique Antiglio’s website: https://be-sophro.com/about-dominique/

Dominque on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/besophrolondon/

Suzy Reading’s website: https://www.suzyreading.co.uk

Suzy Reading on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suzyreading/

Julie Peters’ article: https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/the-spiritual-meaning-of-jaw-pain

Bessel van der Kolk’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?crid=8RQYLPDG2IHJ&keywords=bessel+van+der+kolk%27s+the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1661101611&sprefix=bessel%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-2

Mandy Lehto on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mandylehto/

Can clothes and accessories help us to get to know ourselves better? Can style be an experimental tool for how we create and embody our sense of self in this season of our lives?

Today’s guest, international stylist Anita Feron Clark, didn’t grow up feeling good enough. She was mercilessly bullied at school and criticized at home for being “too dark and too round.” In her late 20s, she said “ENOUGH,” and experimented with style to find her own look – and she’s never looked back.

Nowadays Anita has helped more than 5,000 men and women to express their authentic selves in how they dress.

Sidebar: How we look on the outside, of course, has precisely zero bearing on our wholeness and good enoughness. From that perspective, it doesn’t really matter if you live out your days in sweats.

But the right clothes can help us lessen the gap between knowing we’re enough, and actually feeling it. Need a little more strut in your life? More sass? More “Oh yeah, that works…”?

Press play…We’ve got you.

Anita Feron Clark’s website: https://feronclarkstyle.com

Anita on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feronclarkstyle/

Christina Glickman on IG: https://www.instagram.com/christinaglickman/

Iris Apfel on IG: https://www.instagram.com/iris.apfel/

You’re setting more boundaries. You’re using your voice more than ever before. Something’s rising inside of you.

But setting boundaries and standing in your power challenges existing dynamics – meaning not everyone’s going to be delighted by your new-found voice.

How do we build that inner robustness as we start speaking more of our truth? — especially with the inevitable criticism, conflict and occasional meanness that’ll happen.

How do we start building our capacity to hold not being liked or agreed with? — especially if this is what you’ve been encouraged to do since childhood.

In this solo episode, I invite you to consider why you might hesitate to speak up in the first place. I also share a practice you can try when you’re in a situation that feels challenging.

Practical and immediately implementable. Join us!

Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance.

Kasia Urbaniak’s book, Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram

You’re all out of give, and even the smallest request can spark an outsized reaction: DON’T YOU KNOW HOW BUSY I AM? Go away! Anger feels right under the skin, and the slightest provocation can unleash it – anything from loud chewing to an urgent email. You used to be fun. Things didn’t used to annoy you like this. You might be thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” So, you try to do more to finish your never-ending list. Then you’ll rest. But you find yourself ever more exhausted and reactive. Doing more is not the answer. This solo Coaching Corner episode will show you what is...We dive into your nervous system, your hormones, and having a cold, hard look at your true capacity. You’ll leave with some powerful coaching questions to help turn down the hair-trigger-ness of your annoyance.

0:00 Intro

3:10 Your nervous system as a first-day-on-the-job security guard

5:20 Am you just stressed, or is your nervous system dysregulated?

6:20 What is your reactivity trying to tell you?

6:50 Three tips you can try

7:36 Did you know this happens during perimenopause and menopause? *This explains a LOT.

9:05 Are you really honoring your capacity? 

9:40 Do you do these things?

11:08 Three coaching questions to mull over

11:55 Outro

Links:

Episode 78 of Enough, the Podcast, with Jen Man (on the nervous system)

If you love an act of kindness, this episode is gonna feel like lowering yourself into a hot mug of chocolate, with itty bitty marshmallows. Acts of kindness have proven health effects, but I’ve also noticed something else. They are a splendid antidote to feeling self-critical, not enough, and being too zoomed in on your own inner world. This episode originally aired in 2021, and I loved it so much, I wanted to give it a second life. I asked a bunch of guests back to the pod to share a collection of acts of kindness – either given or received – and the impact it had on them. Warm fuzzies guaranteed.

Links:

BBC article with University of British Columbia research.

You’ve heard of burnout, but ever heard of bore-out? Apparently, it’s a leading cause of why people leave their jobs. I’m not talking about things feeling a bit drab. I’m talking about the loss of meaning in your work, and the adverse effects this can have on your mental and physical wellbeing. As you become more senior, maybe your days are full of admin, politics, and none of the juicy stuff that used to light you up. In today’s episode you’ll meet Kristi Turner, a former tech CMO, whose work stress was mainly due to boredom. Kristi took a pause from work, had a “Soulbbatical” (more on this in the episode), and found a new-found vigour to re-enter the corporate in a way that felt more aligned with her values. You’ll also meet Shelley Paxton, former CMO of Harley Davidson and founder of the Soulbbatical, who gives you some techniques to tackle bore-out – no resignation letter required. Pacey and practical, you’ll leave this episode tooled up, and (hopefully) enlivened. Join us!

Links:

Kristi Turner’s website.

Shelley Paxton’s website.

Soulbbatical book.

Brené Brown’s list of values.

Forbes article: Why boredom at work is more dangerous than burnout.

BBC article with Dr Lotta Harju’s comments.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Why is it so hard to put yourself out there? – especially if you’re prone to feelings of imposter syndrome and perfectionism.

Before I share some tips and tricks from today’s expert, let’s go deeper on what might be influencing your feelings around visibility. What social, cultural, and familial aspects might be at play? This bit was a game-changer for me. You too, I hope!

Then I invite Darrah Brustein, business coach and strategist, to get radically practical. She shares some techniques you can action right away at work.

If you’re new here, welcome. I’m Dr Mandy Lehto, executive coach, and recovering perfectionist and overachiever. This is a show for anyone whose life looks shiny and successful from the outside, but inside, you’re burnt out and wondering how long this can go on.

So back to today’s episode…

*Cue up the Olivia Newton John vocals: Let’s get visible. Visible. I wanna get visible.

Sorry. I had to.

The episode is serious, I promise. Press play and join us!

Darrah Brustein on IG.

Anita Feron Clark on IG.

Kanchan Prinsloo on LinkedIn.

Reshma Saujani’s TED talk.

Lisa Olivera’s article.

If you learned young that being easy-going and agreeable got you praise (or helped you avoid punishment), it’s a hard habit to shake, even as an adult.

Today’s guest is psychotherapist, Rachel Hasper. We deep dive into “good girl” and “nice guy” energy, and how it contributes to feeling disconnected from yourself. Rachel shares her personal experience of the devastating toll that good girl energy took on her own health, and how she finally said, “Enough!”

You’ll learn practical strategies for disentangling yourself from people pleasing, and how to face the inevitable push-back of advocating for yourself.

If you’re ridiculously hard on yourself, and deep down, you know it’s got to stop (but you don’t know how), today’s 17-minute episode is for you.

I dig deeper into the concept of Minimum Viable Productivity (MVP) from last week’s episode with Dr Erin Baker.

**Person at the back raises hand** (“Erm, I didn’t listen to Dr Erin yet. Will I be lost?”) Nope. This solo episode can stand alone. But, since this is a podcast for overachievers, I’m sure you’ll go back and listen anyway, superstar.

If you’re accustomed to constant doing, that feels safe. It’s STOPPING the whole hustle culture that feels unsafe, right? Your inner critic goes ballistic with worst case scenarios (from irrelevance to homelessness to bad hair).

In this episode, you’ll learn how to give your body the memo that it’s safe to rest and do less. It’s safe to turn in work (now and again) that’s “good enough.” Nothing terrible happens. And if you’re not ready to take the steps I share, even thinking about it can start to create a shift.

Press play. Let’s get this MVP party started.

Last week’s episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/episode-26-your-natural-state-of-achievement-with-dr/id1573562560?i=1000548496046

When work isn’t working, it’s easy to question yourself, “Why can’t I hack it? What’s wrong with me?” Maybe you’re feeling stagnant, exhausted, or even burnt out. Is it a capacity issue or are you high net growth? (stay tuned for what that means). I’m in conversation with award-winning author and podcaster, Jenny Blake. During her career at Google, she looked at her management and thought, “I don’t want that job.” If you’re languishing, and can’t see a way forward, what do you do? Jenny offers a refreshing perspective on our obsession with promotions, and what she calls “the sea of shiny shoulds.” You’ll learn about project-based purpose, how you can “turn into a goo” after leaving a company that has brand halo, and why an energy audit can be a big reveal. Join us.

Links:

Jenny Blake on Substack

Pivot podcast episode with Mandy Lehto

Article on Languishing

NYT article on Languishing, Adam Grant (subscription required)

How many Mondays do you have left? You’re about to find out. Coach and author, Jodi Wellman and I hang out with the Grim Reaper in today’s conversation. We start with a pre-mortem, a pulse check of where you are right now, while you’re still on this side of the lawn. What areas of your life are in the Dead Zone? What teeny tiny steps can you take right now to zhuzh up those parts that are ho-hum? You’ll rate yourself on Jodi’s Astonishingly Alive quadrant and discover if it’s more meaning or fun (or both) that will defibrillate your existence. Uplifting and thought-provoking. 

Links

Jodi Wellman’s website (includes book and QUIZ)

Jodi Wellman on Instagram

Mandy Lehto on Instagram

Zizou and Roger Federer video

Episode 62 of Enough, the Podcast

We Croak app

3:11 Jodi and Mandy riff on why they think so much about death.

10:11 “Fine” is the most dangerous f-word. The three stooges of bore-out, and how our lives grow stale.

13:06 Only 16.6% of people Jodi polled would feel like they had lived fully if they died tonight.

16:48 Use the pre-mortem to diagnose the “dead zones.”

19:11 Jodi’s Astonishingly Alive framework

21:45 Are you Meaningfully Bored or Vitally Empty?

23:52 Jodi’s alive-alicious sentence stem to play with.

24:50 Start small – don’t go gangbusters!

32:13 Zizou & Roger Federer story.

35:08 The Astonishingly Alive Zone (do we have to live here? Sounds exhausting).

38:38 Sometimes we don’t take action on a dream because it’s safer to keep it pristine…

43:03 Calculate how many Mondays you have left & Brick of Wisdom

You’ve spent years pursuing a career, and it’s been tough. Then again, so are you. You’re exhausted, and your mental health is fraying. But you can’t even contemplate upending your life now that the money’s good and you’ve got status and titles. Sound familiar? Today’s guest, Shannon Sedlacek, was a litigation attorney whose career looked enviable from the outside. On the inside, she was barely holding it together. She tells her powerful story of (literally) falling off the career ladder, and the insights that bubbled up during her forced reflection time as she recovered. You’ll learn how she dealt with her over-achiever and feelings of not-enoughness as she navigated into her next, very different career. You’ll also hear her advice for YOU if you’re on the golden gerbil wheel, wondering how long this can go on. Poignant and practical. Oh, and there’s some spicy language, so headphone up and join us.

Links:

Shannon Sedlacek’s website.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

School of Life book that Mandy reads from.

Operating from fear and scarcity means you’re not reading life accurately. The same is true if you’re moving through life guided solely by intellect – head wisdom – ignoring the superior wisdom of the other senses. My guest is spiritual teacher and NYT best-selling author, Sonia Choquette, who shares some practices from her new book, Read Life Accurately. She helps us to tune into our energetic alerts, within ourselves, others, and the places we work and live in. More and more scientific research supports what intuitive practitioners have known all along – that being connected to our bodily sensations, listening to those “nudges” can help us perform better in high-pressure environments, manage stress, and make less impulsive decisions. 

Links

Sonia Choquette’s website/books.

Sonia on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

Jessica Maguire’s blog on the nervous system (including reference to London traders research).

Dene Logan post on Instagram about over-giving as a desire to be rescued.

Luisa Molano grew up in a strict religious home.

Girls were seen and not heard. They didn’t show their knees or elbows. They didn’t wear makeup or cut their hair.

When Luisa was seventeen, her church pastor said he’d received a message from God. Luisa was to marry a member of the congregation – a man eighteen years her senior.

At first, she felt honored to be chosen, like all her good-girl-ness had finally paid off. But as the wedding approached, Luisa couldn’t go through with it. She didn’t love him. She ran away, having brought “disgrace to the family, the congregation, and God.” (I mean, no biggie there, right?)

Now, at the age of 40, Luisa shares how she reinvented herself after smashing the Good Girl paradigm she was raised in.

We discuss the daily practice of inventing ourselves anew, and the technique she uses to create a more powerful alternative reality than the autopilot behaviours she knew growing up.

She shares her three powerful realizations that’ll be a torch on your own journey.

This conversation is tender, practical, and empowering.

Press play and join us.

Website: https://www.luisamolano.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luisamolanocoaching/

Episode 74: Overcoming Psychological Exhaustion, with Rosie Nixon

You’re not completely burnt out, or incapacitated by work, but you know that something’s not quite right. Perhaps you’re more tired than usual, or you’re having other niggling signs, but you carry on. These things pass; they always do – until they don’t. That’s what happened to Rosie Nixon, author, coach, and former editor of Hello! magazine, whose career — however covetable and glamorous — was starting to feel too much.

Rosie shares the pivotal moment when she knew something had to change. What followed was her getting signed off work and a diagnosis of Psychological Exhaustion (she takes us into that doctor’s appointment and shares what she learned). We get into Rosie's journey of separating her identity from Hello! magazine, and how she’s navigating her drive with a desire for a more spacious, values-driven life in her late 40s. Real, raw, and radically practical. 

Links:

Rosie Nixon’s website.

Guardian article on breaking the burnout cycle.

Telegraph article we refer to (subscription required).

Rosie Nixon on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

You work for a challenging boss, and you’re struggling. You’ve tried working harder. You’ve tried working smarter. But you’re still feeling undermined, angry, and your self-belief is taking a nose-dive. As someone who “gets things right”, you just can’t figure this situation out – and secretly, it’s unravelling you.

Enter Dr Laura Crawshaw. She’s been researching and coaching abrasive leaders for more than 40 years. She’s the author of Taming the Abrasive Manager: How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace, and her clients range from the UN to NASA. 

We get to grips with the following:

If someone’s already hard on themselves, are they more susceptible to the damage an abrasive leader can cause?

You’ll learn about what the abrasive leader is usually afraid of (erm…YOU!).

You’ll learn how to avoid the "boiling-the-frog effect" that makes the dynamic with an abrasive boss especially insidious.

Practical and provocative, you’ll get tools (and relief) from Dr Laura. Press play – let’s go!

www.whisperingfortheworkingwounded.org

Laura Crawshaw’s website https://www.bosswhispering.com

Laura on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/bosswhispering/

Megan Carle’s website https://www.megancarle.com

Megan Carle on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/megan-carle/

Psst…listen up.

You might think that successful folks who appear smugly (nay, gloriously) comfortable in their own skin, have somehow either:

• By-passed the squinchy not-enoughness that the rest of us stew in;

         OR

• Have found the holy grail, the tidy ten-step plan to free themselves from their supposed inadequacy.

If you’ve ever scratched your head and wondered, “Hmm, how does someone actually ‘do the inner work?’”, today’s episode is a peek behind the curtain. Enoughness isn’t bestowed on us. It’s something we choose, sometimes moment by moment. It’s how we create ourselves.

Shelley Paxton had a stellar corporate career, including a global role at Harley-Davidson.

She went onto start the Soulbbatical movement (more later), wrote a best-selling book, and makes massive impact in the world. To boot, she has the coolest urban/industrial loft apartment.

Is super successful Shelley free of miserable, less-than moments? Nope.

We talk about the real-time becoming of our next-level selves. Shedding. Stripping down. Catching ourselves falling into old beliefs, and how we fish ourselves out.

This episode is deliciously conversational, and I think you’ll find your shoulders dropping two inches by the end.

Hit play. See you on the other side…

Shelley Paxton on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulbbatical/

On LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelley-paxton-759163/

Website: https://soulbbatical.com

Mandy on Shelley’s podcast: https://soulbbatical.com/rebel-souls/quit-overachieving-and-quiet-your-inner-ahole-with-mandy-lehto/

You may have heard about the health benefits of being kind. Not only can it lower blood pressure, and boost immunity. It can also positively alter your relationship with yourself, which piqued my interest for those of us who’ve spent decades driving ourselves relentlessly. Is kindfulness a solution to feelings of not-enoughness? 

Dr David Hamilton is a speaker, columnist, and author of twelve books, including his most recent, The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck. He’s delivered kindness sessions for Google, Bank of England, the NHS, and many others. 

In this episode, David and I discuss “kind genes”, how mindfulness doesn’t help everyone to be kinder, and rethinking what success can feel like. David also gives us a kindness challenge, which I’ve been taking. Hear some of the things I’ve been trying. 

0:00 Intro

3:04 Definition of “kindfulness”

4:00 Does mindfulness work for everyone?

6:26 What mindfulness actually does.

7:18 Does it make you more self-critical?

11:02 David’s “Inner Buddha” technique

15:50 The fear that self-compassion means we lose motivation

17:12 Productivity, creativity and neural networks

20:35 What success “feels” like as you’re pursuing it

28:45 The Physical benefits of kindness

33:21 Research on kindness and self-esteem

35:04 “Writing as a technology of healing,” (to use Jessica Waite’s phrase from the previous episode)

41:29 David’s 7 days of kindness challenge

44:18 List of what Mandy tried

47:17 One of David’s ideas

50:19 David’s Brick of Wisdom

51:12 Outro

Links:

Dr David Hamilton (includes his new book).

Episode 66 of Enough, the Podcast (on kindness). 

Alexandra Franzen’s list of 50 ways to be ridiculously generous.

Let’s talk wakeup calls. Maybe it was an illness. Or a divorce. What’s on your list of (probably ghastly) moments that made you question your BS beliefs of not-enoughness and start to LIVE?

Sometimes growth is all fluffy bunnies and harp music.

But mostly, face palms and ugly crying are involved.

Today’s theme was inspired by Farida D, a gender researcher and poet. Her Instagram profile pic is a phrase: “The List of Sh*t that Made Me A Feminist.”

Her “List of Sh*t” got me thinking about some of those ghastly experiences that forced/shocked/invited me to reclaim my own worth and power.

I share three situations and three learnings from different seasons of my life. I invite you to listen with your own “list of sh*t” that helped you to reclaim some of yourself.

In my experience, these insights often solidify in hindsight – and often with the help of a prompt, which I’m hoping this mini-episode will be.

Enjoy.

Farida D. on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/farida.d.author/

Mandy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mandylehto/

QUIZ: What’s at the root of your Good Girl behavior? https://mandylehto.com/quizzes/

Today's guest is Jen Mann, ex-ballet dancer and co-author of the international best-seller, The Secret Language of the Body. In this conversation we discuss how Jen’s early life contributed to the perfectionism, people-pleasing and self-criticism that would ultimately end in chronic illness that traditional medicine was unable to solve. Frustrated and anxious, Jen started connecting the dots between the mind-body cross-over with the clients she was supporting after her ballet career ended. She pieced together insights on how to heal herself by increasing her vagal tone and somatic experiencing, alongside talk therapy and physio. She shares 3 key tips for longer-term healing, as well as 5 practical things you can do right away to decrease your perception of stress during days of back-to-back meetings.

3:52 My childhood was a perfect set up for anxiety

9:21 Jen becomes a professional ballet dancer

13:31 What came after Jen’s ballet career 

14:50 Jen spots connections between her clients’ work stress and their physical pain

16:00 The symptoms she was seeing in her clients – and how her own chronic illness symptoms started

20:50 Unresolved feelings of not-enoughness and emotional repression cause illness

25:40 Jen’s body said “Enough!”

28:42 Window of Tolerance

35:17 Conventional medicine didn’t work for Jen, and what she discovered instead

39:57 Vagal tone

44:39 Three tips for longer-term change

51:15 Five strategies you can use at work to soothe your nervous system during hectic days

1:03 Jen’s Brick of Wisdom

Links:

Jen Mann and Karden Rabin’s website (with book and program)

Jen Mann on Instagram

Mandy Lehto on Instagram

Episode 55 with Tatiana Poliakova

Mark Silverman seemed to have it all – the career, the family, the car, the home. He was the squeaky-clean guy who everybody loved.

The reality was different…

Mark’s chronic people-pleasing and nice-guy-ness were learned behaviours that allowed him to stuff down trauma and fear of confrontation.

Eventually, he couldn’t uphold his golden boy status, and his perfect life imploded.

How did Mark come out the other side of sex addiction, shame and suicidal thoughts? How did he reconcile the complexity of himself?

Join us and find out.

You’ll learn:

• How “nice guys” can set boundaries
• Mark’s one big shift that changed everything
• The daily practice he calls “my cheapest therapist”
• Shifting rules in a romantic relationship, where you’ve been the nice guy

Press play. Let’s dive in.

Mark’s website: https://www.markjsilverman.com

Mark on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark22102/

Mark’s podcast episodes featuring me: https://masteringmidlife.libsyn.com/size/5/?search=lehto

How does not-enoughness manifest for men?

How might perfectionism and the pressures to appear a certain way be even more challenging during a pandemic?

And what’s possible for men’s mental health in a post-pandemic world?

I wanted to have this urgent conversation because the current statistics on men’s mental health and suicide rates are both staggering and heart breaking.

Today’s guest is Addison Brasil, men’s mental health advocate, and cofounder of Tethr, a men’s mental health and wellbeing app that’s focused on peer support.

This is a timely, necessary conversation whether you’re a man feeling the pressures of life in extended lockdown, or whether you want to be a better ally to the men in your life.

This episode is also radically practical, as Addison shares insights and ideas from his own lived experience, and from the thousands-strong online community that he helps to support.

We talk perfectionism, grief (wowzers, this bit!), and daily emotional fitness. Provocative, helpful, practical.

Let’s go!

Addison Brasil on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/addisonbrasil/

Tethr on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tethrformen/

Tethr website: https://www.tethr.men

Do you have the next-ies? Erm, the what?

Say you’ve just aced a work project, and instead of pausing and reflecting how well you did, you’re already onto the next thing.

Or you’ve just published a book. And you’re already outlining the next book, feeling flat that this one wasn’t an overnight New York Times best-seller. THIS one will be, for sure.

The inability to feel that anything you’ve achieved is enough, or is worth celebrating, is its own special kind of hell.

In this short, radically practical solo episode, you’ll learn why you might be a next-er (spoiler alert: It’s a neurotransmitter), and 3 things you can try to alleviate that chronic feeling of never quite arriving.

I’m experimenting right alongside you. Hit play. Let’s go.

Dan Lieberman’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Molecule-More-Chemical-Creativity_and-Determine/dp/1948836580/ref=sr_1_1?crid=29AQI29NM4XS4&keywords=the+molecule+of+more&qid=1645445288&sprefix=the+molecule+of+m%2Caps%2C158&sr=8-1

BJ Fogg on Ted:

https://ideas.ted.com/how-you-can-use-the-power-of-celebration-to-make-new-habits-stick/

Suzy Reading’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/Breathe-Journal-Self-care-Suzy-Reading/dp/1783254831/ref=sr_1_4?crid=U5MGVEVZ0KGK&keywords=suzy+reading&qid=1645448637&sprefix=suzy+reading%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-4

 On the outside, Dr Mel Hicks (47) had it all. She's been a global philanthropist for two decades. She’s a published author, keynote speaker, and has travelled to 44 countries. But another failed marriage, and an emergency hysterectomy threw Mel into shame and self-doubt. She was alone again, and she’d never be a mother – and she blamed herself. As a high-achiever and a self-proclaimed “runner” from her problems, Mel dove into her charity work, and drank and partied so she wouldn’t have to face her feelings of not-enoughness. She finally had to confront the big emotions she’d been running from. Can she find a new way of relating to herself if she’s not a mom, and still feel enough? Let’s find out… 

0:00 Intro

2:22. Why Mel’s inability to have children caused her to feel so much not-enoughness

4:03 When Mandy’s second marriage fell apart, and the not-enoughness she felt

4:59 Mel’s second divorce was a pivotal moment for her

9:49 The shame of not being part of the “motherhood club”

12:27 Mel’s fibroid diagnosis

13:35 Mel’s coping mechanisms (wine and work)

15:41 Liz Gilbert quote. Mel gets fed up of her own BS

17:31 “I forgive you”

20:04 The exhaustion of pushing down emotions

21:22 Mel allowed her shame stories to surface

24:58 Moving forward vs “running”

26:23 Shame resilience

28:09 How Mel picked shame apart

32:57/Outro What Mel has recently said “Enough!” to

Links

Melanie Sue Hicks’s website and book.

Mel on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

As a high achiever, you’ve probably spent your career optimising for productivity, efficiency, and the bottom line. But there comes a time when that old winning formula no longer cuts it. Maybe you’ve been promoted, or you’re leading a bigger team. Maybe you’ve been told to bring more energy, charisma, and presence to your leadership so that others want to follow you. Research shows that bringing play, fun, and creativity to work can help to retain colleagues, and inspire more innovative ideas. Before you freeze and say, I’m the most un-fun person I know (shriek emoji), stay with me. I promise, there’s no juggling or stand-up comedy required. Today’s guests are going to teach you how (and WHY) to bring more energy and fun to your leadership. Richard Medcalf is an author and coach who heads CEO circles with fun and a lightness of touch. Consultant clinical neuropsychologist, Dr Antonia Kirkby explains our brains on play, and why you want to be optimising for connection in meetings. The episode is full of ideas you can try right away.

Richard Medcalf

Dr Antonia Kirkby on LinkedIn

Video of the Restaurant of Mistaken Orders.

Forbes article, “Elevating Leadership Through the Science of Fun.”

Forbes article, “The Forgotten Art of Having Fun.”

HBR article, “Leading with Humour.”

There’s nothing like facing your mortality and chronic uncertainty to clarify what’s important, and what no longer serves you. Like, erm, overcommitting yourself with shiz you don’t really want to do, because you feel awkward saying no. Done. With. That.

Today’s short, radically practical conversation is about how we can use this pivotal point in our lives to quit doing things that are JOY SUCKS.

Our guide today is my girl crush, Christina Glickman, who’s a mom, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and new puppy owner of the achingly cute, Humphrey.

You’ll learn:

• How to worry less about what people think
• The ICK TEST, Christina’s highly-effective way to say no (without feeling like a jerk-wad)
• Her Sunday method for creating more spaciousness in the diary

Are her techniques simple? YES!

Are they easy? NO! But it’s work worth doing, because JOY.

Ready to start reclaiming your life? Let’s go…

Follow Christina on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christinaglickman/

Join her community or coaching: Xtra: The Membership Program https://xtra.mykajabi.com/

Buy her book, Xtra: The Art of Being on amazon: bit.ly/xtrabook 

Former litigator (and firefighter) Shannon Sedlacek is back by popular demand. She featured in episode 53, one of the most downloaded episodes of the year. She’s back to share what happened to her identity when she was forced to leave her impressive job. She shares how her sense of self shifted so dramatically, that at one point, she didn’t even want to be alive.

She also shares the two things that helped her transcend those difficult times. You’ll hear a cameo from a previous guest. You’ll also hear what I learned from a man in burgundy robes that messed with my thinking. If you’re highly identified with your job, but know deep down that you have a tough choice ahead, this episode is for YOU. 

Links:

Shannon Sedlacek’s website.

Gelong Thubten’s book.

Jessica Maguire’s website.

Nicole LePera’s workbook.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Today’s guest is Darrah Brustein, a coach and business strategist who has interviewed the likes of Seth Godin, Bobbi Brown, Adam Grant, Jen Sincero, and Shaquille O’Neal. She’s also one of my coaches!

We do the conversational equivalent of the Christmas Cracker, a festive custom in Britain, dating back to Victorian times. A modern-day cracker usually contains a ridiculous paper hat, a corny joke, and something useful, like a key ring, or dice. 

Darrah and I share our wisdom of 2022 – a learning with “bang,” something useful we’ve onboarded or purchased, a discussion (paper hats on, of course) of how to take ourselves less seriously, and our best Christmas jokes for you to inflict on your own holiday gathering. Delight your teens!

The cracker theme is a fun wrapper for a deep, yet light, conversation to help you reflect on your year. Take a nourishing break from the merry-making to join us for this final episode of Enough, the podcast, for 2022.

Darrah’s website.

Darrah on Instagram.

Arthur Brooks’ website.

Goodbye 2022 Hello 2023 Guided Journal.

Mandy on Instagram.

Are you addicted to the buzz of work — the pace, the adrenaline, the excitement? The insidious thing about work addiction is that it’s often praised by others, giving it a very different “feel” than being addicted, say, to cocaine or pornography.

In today’s episode, you’ll learn how we become addicted to work — is it the result of childhood trauma, for instance? How do we know if work has become an addiction? And if it has, what can we do about it?

My guest is Dr Anna Lembke, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. She’s a world-leading expert on addiction, and is also the author of the New York Times bestseller, Dopamine Nation: Finding balance in an age of indulgence. Practical and thought-provoking. Join us!

Anna’s book, Dopamine Nation.

Trigger Warning: This episode makes reference to severe childhood trauma

Perfectionism is a typical addiction pattern, says today’s guest, Dr Shoshana Garfield.

The pattern goes like this: If I can just do or get (fill in the blank with your chosen item or accomplishment), THEN I’ll be happy. Or at least less unhappy.

The tragedy is that the fix, once achieved, never truly satisfies. It’s a moving target. Sound familiar?

In this episode, you’ll learn how to start extricating yourself from the addiction pattern that’s obscuring your wholeness and magnificence underneath.

• Learn how Shoshana recovered from the four addictions that developed on the back of her childhood trauma.
• Understand the difference between buying items from a place of perfectionism vs from a healthy place of enjoyment.
• Learn a powerful practice to bring you back to wholeness in this moment.

Moving and highly practical.

Join us!

Dr Shoshana Garfield’s website: https://shoshanagarfield.com

Mandy’s microblog, The Juice: https://mandylehto.com/subscribe/

Mandy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mandylehto/

Abbey Gibb had her own TV show, a Chanel purse, a walk-in wardrobe, a door man. But inside, she was miserable.

Abbey is an Emmy winning journalist, two-time TEDx speaker, business and media mentor, and host of the Full Body F*ck Yes podcast.

We have a raw, deeply honest conversation about coming back to ourselves after years of “performing” perfection (for TV, for lovers, for life…)

She shares how she “finally buried her last fuck, and created strong boundaries,” and now feels present in her own body. It’s powerful. Really powerful.

This ain’t your usual kind of episode. It’s a conversation, not an interview. It’s sweary. We talk sex and drugs – amongst other things. I cry-laugh at her Cowboy Lawyer story (don’t we all have one of these in our history?)

This episode defies bullet-pointing.

Grab your earphones and hit play. I’ll meet you there.

Abbey Gibb on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbeygibb/

The Full Body F*ck Yes Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/full-body-f-ck-yes/id1572880788

Headphones recommended. 

I’m in conversation with Jessica Waite, best-selling author of The Widow’s Guide to Dead
Bastards. Sean, Jessica’s husband of 17 years, died unexpectedly, and after his funeral,
when some of his personal effects were returned, she started piecing together parts of his
secret life. In this conversation we talk about how you put your life back together after a
romantic relationship ends. What if it’s complicated by grief, shock, and infidelity? Jessica
talks about the importance of feeling her feelings – including questioning her enoughness,
and an act of revenge. We discuss the use of writing as a technology of healing. You’ll also
hear how she’s navigating being thrust onto the world stage with her vulnerable story, and
how she’s grounding herself. Compelling, thought-provoking, and insightful. Join us!

3:44 How Jessica’s life unravelled after her husband’s unexpected death.
8:35 How did she make sense of his pornography addiction – and how that was different to
the breach of trust in her marriage when she uncovered her husband’s affair.
13:42 “Emotional Spanx” – Emotions will bulge out somewhere; they cannot be cordoned
off.
16:00 What is wholeness?
18:03 How Jessica practiced levity and compassion. How writing helped her to see herself as
a character.
23:36 Writing as a technology of healing.
27:00 Some odd, paranormal situations start happening in Jessica’s life.
35:44 When starting to share vulnerable stories, it’s important who you share with.
36:01 The risk of sharing is real. Jessica’s story hits the British tabloids.
40:10 What Jessica is learning about who she is in this season of her life.
42:40 Grief as a dissolution of identity that leads to a reforming.
44:30 Strictly Come Dancing ex-dancer Janette Manrara talks about the pressures of public
scrutiny
47:46 Jessica’s take on the arm-chair critics.
51:22 Brick of Wisdom

52:29 OUTRO – with a closing comment by Jessica

Links
Jessica Waite’s website
Jessica Waite’s book.
Jessica Waite on Instagram.
Mark Silverman’s episode (he discusses “Morning Pages”).
Rosie Nixon’s episode (where she talks about life-changing lists).
Full episode of Janette Manrara from Strictly Come Dancing.

To celebrate my 50^th episode, we’re having a quick but deep-n-real conversation about how some of the changes in middle life might be stirring up feelings of not-enoughness. If your self-identity is based on your appearance, your heroic work ethic, and success after dazzling success at the office, what happens when those pillars start shifting? I share why Jennifer Lopez inspired this episode, and why perfectionists and success addicts can have a particularly challenging time in mid-life. We end on a high note, when I reveal what truly makes a life well-lived. It’s not status, promotions, or money…Join us to find out more.

Mark Hyman’s podcast with Robert Waldinger.

Jennifer Lopez article in Vogue.

Arthur Brooks’ website.

Sarah Normandin’s episode, (she’s the Imperfection Specialist).

Today’s highly practical episode is about how you can learn to better regulate your stressed-out mind and body. 

You’ll learn about why stress gets stuck in the body, leaving you in that fried, spacey state. 

You’ll learn how to motivate yourself with self-compassion, instead of harshness. 

You’ll learn practical ways to get stress out of your system, including a kissing technique you’ve gotta try.

My guest is Sarah Norrad, a coach and mindfulness guide who’s certified in MBSR — that’s mindfulness-based stress reduction. Her other accolades include reiki master, yoga teacher, and trauma-informed educator. You’re in good hands.

Let’s dive in...

Sarah Norrad’s website: https://www.sarahnorrad.com

Sarah Norrad on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarah.norrad/

Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/books/592377/burnout-by-emily-nagoski-phd-and-amelia-nagoski-dma/9781984817068

Thais Sky’s comprehensive podcast episode on the nervous system (this is on her own podcast): https://www.thaissky.com/podcast/174

Andrew Huberman on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab/

Mandy Lehto on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mandylehto/

Subscribe to my microblog: https://mandylehto.com/subscribe/

Dr Jeff Spencer is the man behind more than forty Olympic gold medals, and stellar performances by Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and many other elite performers who are household names. In today’s conversation, you’ll get a sneak peek at some of the techniques Jeff uses with them. Hint, hint – it’s NOT more striving or hyper-focus. You’ll learn to do “Chameleon Eyes”, a process that opens more opportunities and more of your untapped potential. You’ll also learn to shift gears from striving into receivership, and how “resonant recognition” can be a new navigation system in your life. This is especially important as you leave your 30s, the decade of “conquest and acquisition.” Wise, experienced, and just the right amount of intense, Jeff will challenge how you go about success.

Links:

Dr Jeff Spencer’s website.

Jeff on LinkedIn.

Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.

Dr David Yudis on LinkedIn.

David Brooks’ book, The Second Mountain.

What is high-functioning anxiety? Dr Lalitaa Suglani takes us through everything you need to know – how HFA shows up day to day; where it comes from; and what you can do if you think you might have HFA. Dr Suglani is an award-winning psychologist and author of High-Functioning Anxiety: A 5-step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving (Hay House). We get into Dr Lalitaa’s own story of how HFA masked her dyslexia, ADHD, and how perfectionism and people-pleasing were running her life. She shares key actions you can start implementing right away if you recognize HFA in your own life. Poignant and practical. Join us!

1:43 What is HFA?

3:14 What would you be seeing day to day at work with something who has HFA? 

4:28 Does HFA show up the same way for men and women?

6:38 Where HFA might come from.

8:06 Lalitaa’s own story.

15:48 Steps to kick off the “unlearning” part of the process.

19:51 Noticing when you’re catastrophising, and when dysregulation. Shadow work.

22:35 Conscious change. Learning to connect with the body.

26:13 How to sit in difficult emotions.

29:45 Coaching question 1 about people pleasing, being taken advantage of, and resentment. How to shift this.

32:22 Coaching question 2 about fear of confrontation and never learning to use one’s voice.

38:18 Coaching question 3 about having ridiculously high standards. Lowering those standards feels like “I can’t hack it.” Intention instead of anxiety.

39:46 Lalitaa’s brick of wisdom.

Links:

Dr Lalitaa Suglani’s website and book

Dr Lalitaa on Instagram

Dr Mandy Lehto on Instagram

Dr Lalitaa on LinkedIn 

Dr Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn

Master Coach Hayden Lee introduces us to the Enneagram, a system of development in self-awareness. Hayden describes the nine different Enneagram types – can you identify yourself? The difference between the Enneagram and many other personality typing tools is that the Enneagram doesn’t focus on behaviours, but rather the motivation underneath those behaviours. If you never feel good enough, discover what might be burning beneath those self-critical thoughts and behaviours. Hayden also shares a stretch goal for each Enneagram type in the journey to wholeness.

How does a confident, highly experienced senior executive end up in a hotel room, laying in the bathtub all night, fully clothed, having dragged the desk behind the door because she’s sure someone’s coming to hurt or kill her?

This episode is about what it’s like working for a boss who’s a bully — and the effects that can have on our self-esteem, feelings of enoughness, and on our mental and physical health.

Today’s guest, Megan Carle, who had a 30-year career at Nike — her last role being the Head of Basketball for North America. 

Megan’s story is so important and so eye-opening because her instinctive response was to try and fix the situation by people pleasing and working harder (Spoiler alert: It didn’t work).

Find out what happened when the bullying took Megan to the brink of her mental and physical health.

Gripping, thought-provoking, and practical. Join us.

Megan Carle’s website: https://www.megancarle.com

Megan Carle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meganmcarle/?hl=en

Mandy’s website: https://mandylehto.com

What happens to your sense of self when you leave an important job at an iconic brand? It can feel like a loss of identity when the corporate perks and the business card are gone. There can be grief, relief, and a cocktail of other emotions. In today’s episode, you’ll hear from three women who left big jobs at Nike, Rothschild, and IBM. You’ll hear their unfiltered truths about the discombobulation they faced, and what the mess of figuring out next steps felt like. You’ll also learn some techniques to try if you’re on this journey of separating your sense of self from what you do.

LINKS:

Dr Neil Talkoff’s quote in the HBR. See also for Difficult Conversations book.

Megan Carle’s book.

Find Alina Addison.

Sahil Bloom’s deathbed regrets exercise.

Mandy Lehto’s website.

Mandy Lehto on IG.

Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.

Knackered and overwhelmed? Maybe your sleep is rubbish. You’re fried and don’t know how to fix it. If this sounds familiar, this week’s episode will be a tonic.

Farzanah Nasser, nutritional therapist and functional medicine expert, explains what’s going on inside your body when you feel frazzled. Your heroic little adrenal glands are probably taking the brunt of it. 

So what can you do?

In this episode, you’ll learn practical (and fascinating) ways to improve your sleep – which really is a power tool.

You’ll get immediately actionable ways to support your nervous system, and learn how to tonify your vagus nerve (even if you don’t know what that is yet…)

Your adrenal glands are encouraging you to join us.

Find Farzanah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/farzanahnasser_nutrition/

And on her website: https://www.farzanahnasser.com

Welcome to the first ever Coaching Corner episode of Enough, the Podcast. These conversations are shorter and focus on a particular challenge. I hope you find them practical and immediately actionable. Coaching Corner episodes will be interspersed between the usual ones, just to spice things up. This week, the work dilemma is around being interrupted – what can you do when that happens? My guest is fellow coach, Alina Addison, author of The Audacity Spectrum: Leading with Care, Courage and Non-Conformity. We offer up some ideas you can try in those challenging conversations. 

1:15 Alina’s key question if you’re being talked over

3:22 Using a gesture – if you’re feeling audacious

3:50 The acknowledging tool

5:40 Self-awareness isn’t enough – the other lenses to pay attention to

8:26 Check your story

8:34 Recap of the tools and ideas so far

10:52 Alina’s Assertiveness Formula

16:09 Kate’s boss speaks over her – what could she do?

19:00 Implementing the Assertiveness Formula

21:30 Internal calculations – what’s your tolerance level for interruption

28:17 OUTRO

Links:

Alina Addison’s book: The Audacity Spectrum

Alina on LinkedIn

Alina on Instagram

Mandy on LinkedIn

Mandy on Instagram

What can you do as a parent to help raise your kid with a robust sense of good-enoughness? I asked today’s guest, clinical psychologist, Dr Anne Lane, for some tips.

Find out what to try when your child comes home with a poor test result, and they’re feeling down on themselves. This tip rocked my world!

Learn how to help your kid cultivate a healthy body image in an age of airbrushed social media.

And finally get Dr Anne’s tips on how to relax into your parenting – especially if you’re trying to do it perfectly.

Join us!

Dr Anne Lane’s new book, Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence.

Her website.

You’re someone who holds yourself to ridiculously high standards, and there’s a weird sort of pride in that. You’re known for going the extra mile. It’s helped to make you successful.

What happens when the ideals that you hold yourself to become unsustainable? How do you reconcile the very human feelings that you’re experiencing with the image of who you think you have to be?

Today’s guest is author and psychotherapist Anna Mathur. She has featured in the Daily Telegraph, Marie Claire, Stylist, Mother and Baby, and on BBC Radio 4’s Women’s Hour, amongst others. Her most recent book is The Little Book of Calm for Mums.

We do touch on parenthood, but this episode is much wider.

You’ll learn about self-acceptance. It sounds so unsexy, I know. Sorry ‘bout that. AND I think you’re really doing to dig Anna’s take on this. 

You’ll learn about the Fish Oil Burp Effect, a new term we coined — that alone is worth listening for.

And you’ll learn two tools that’ll help if you struggle with the impeccable standards that you set for yourself.

Anna’s funny, relatable, and wise. Join us!

Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annamathur/

Anna’s website: https://www.annamathur.com

The Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Is your measure of success focused purely on your own achievements? Maybe you’re at a time in your life when you’re questioning legacy, purpose, and who you are beneath your job title. Maybe you’re thinking about what it means to contribute and to matter in society.

Baroness Lola Young was one of the first black women members of the House of Lords. She’s been an actress, an academic, and a cross-bench peer. She’s also an active campaigner against modern slavery and unethical fashion. Her new book, Eight Weeks, an account of being raised in foster care and children’s homes between the ages of eight weeks and 18 years.

In this conversation I talk to Lola about the influence of her challenging past on her identity and choice of career. We probe into what it means to matter – I’m curious if mattering might be an antidote to the hyper-individualization, loneliness and disconnection so many people are feeling. What could “mattering” look like in your own life? Could being of service (more intentionally) help you to feel enough? Let’s find out.

00:00 Intro

4:47 Who is Lola Young?

6:08 Lola’s thoughts on identity – being black, female and “in care.”

7:45 Jerry Colonna’s big question, “To whom do I belong?”

8:21 How Lola’s early experiences shaped her identify and feelings of enoughness.

14:46 Description of her book, Eight Weeks: Looking Back, Moving Forwards, Defying the Odds.

18:45 The connection between enoughness and the hyper-individualistic society we live in. What is “mattering?”

20:40 Mattering and enoughness.

23:14 Her peers growing up were tuned into the public need and public service.

24:43 Did Lola’s challenging upbringing influence her choice of career?

28:39 Does Lola feel enough in this season of her life?

31:31 Lola’s Brick of Wisdom

32:43 Outro

34:04 Sonia Choquette is my next guest.

LINKS

Lola Young’s book Eight Weeks.

Lola Young’s Wikipedia page.

Dr Gordon Flett’s book on Mattering.

Episode 85 on Kindness with Dr David Hamilton.

Episode 77 with Jerry Colonna.

Black. Gay. Christian. Shermain Melton spent much of his life hiding his sexual orientation and not feeling good enough. In this powerful 26-minute episode, you’ll learn how Shermain spent years trying to push down his truth so that he’d fit in. One day he returned home to find his room upside down, bed flipped, drawers turned out, and he knew his truth was out.

Shermain faced his biggest fear (tune in to hear how it went!) Learn how he took the powerful lessons of owning who he was, including his fears and vulnerabilities, and how he leads from this messy, imperfect place. Moving and highly practical. Join us.

Links:

Article referring to University of Southern Illinois research.

Shermain Melton’s website.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Monique DeBose is a transformational entertainer. What’s that, you ask?

Well, she writes music, plays, and creates courses for women that change lives. I daresay she’ll have that effect on you in this podcast episode too.

We meander into all kinds of provocative places as we unpack how Monique’s good girl conditioning has infiltrated her life, right down to what she thinks about going into a store, to how she mothers her sons.

She shares generously about her own experience, as a woman of color, of how she’s moving out of good girl, and into sovereign woman.

How? Monique is a big believer in finding a safe, supportive community during your transformative process. She also gives us a powerful exercise to start clearing our “want” and “desire” pipes. The flow in those “want” pipes is often clogged in women with good girl conditioning.

Oh, and I’ve woven in some music from Monique’s new album, You Are The Sovereign One, to make this podcast even more transformational and experiential.

Ready to step into sovereign woman? Press play and join us…

Monique’s Course: https://www.moniquedebosemusic.com/sovereign

Monique’s website: https://www.moniquedebosemusic.com

Nova Reid’s book, The Good Ally: https://novareid.com

You’re an overachiever. Maybe you’re often referred to as a badass. Everyone’s in awe of how much you get done, and how in control of life you seem to be – and admittedly, that admiration feels good. In fact, you live for it. What almost nobody knows is that you’re fizzling with anxiety, up at night ruminating on things, quick to anger, and you struggle to relax.

We’re discussing High Functioning Anxiety (HFA). It’s not an officially recognized diagnosis, because the person continues to function – quite well, in fact. That doesn’t mean the struggles with anxious thoughts and feelings aren’t real, or even debilitating.

My guest is adventurer and coach, Charlotte Fowles, who is no stranger to overachieving and busy-ness addiction. Charlotte experienced a decade of trauma, including divorce, depression and cancer, which meant she had to change her overachieving ways. She now helps executives and leaders to manage their own inner challenges, including HFA.

Sidebar: We also debunk the concept of badassery as looking like you’ve got everything together. So fun!

Join us for this thought-provoking and radically practical conversation.

Daisy Goodwin’s article on HFA in the Times.

Ellen Hendriksen’s book: How to be yourself.

Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart.

Charlotte Fowles’ website.

Charlotte Fowles on IG.

Mark Silverman’s episode.

Mandy Lehto on IG.

Do you have BLS? (Beige Leadership Syndrome). I just made that up, but it’s a thing. If you work in corporate, you know the meetings that are soda-cracker dry. The BS buzzwords. The slow death by Power Point. The lack of relatable, inspiring leaders at the top. What gives? Enter Erin Hatzikostas, ex-CEO turned author, TEDx speaker, podcaster and coach-sultant. We talk about how to start practicing authentic leadership, and before you roll your eyes, or think you know what that means, strap in for the ride. This is authenticity as you’ve never experienced it. You’ll leave with some radically practical ways to experiment with authentic leadership, and a new, life-changing tool: the 50% rule. I think I can safely say, this episode will rid the corporate world of BLS. Join us. You career will thank you.

Links:

Erin Hatzikostas’s website. Please watch her cool 2min video!

Erin on LinkedIn. Mandy on LinkedIn.

Me on Erin’s podcast (episode 233).

This short, fast-paced episode is about how doing good (a win in itself) can also hoist you out of grumpiness, self-pity, and jealousy (ding, ding, ding, another winner!)

An act of kindness can be a beautiful, perspective-recalibrating way of reminding yourself that you are part of something bigger.

It’s a declaration that shouts, I choose connection over nit-picking and self-criticizing.

HA, inner critic! Jog on.

You’ll get ideas for acts of kindness from some of my previous guests. And I’m hoping you can also bask in these fun, feel-good stories in the festive season and beyond.

Join us for this final episode of 2021.

Alexandra Franzen’s article on more acts of kindness: http://www.alexandrafranzen.com/2013/09/05/50-ways-to-be-ridiculously-generous/

The “I must perform and be good at everything I do” includes sex and intimacy for overachievers and perfectionists.

Today’s guest is Catherine Topham Sly, a coach and therapist. She says, ‘Good sex is not a performance.’

You’ll learn about why so many of us perform intimacy. 

You’ll hear Catherine’s definition of sex (game changer!)

You’ll learn why it’s so challenging to be in our bodies, and what you can do about it.

You’ll get ideas on how to rekindle some ooh-la-la if sex has become an item on your to-do list.

Tender, thought-provoking and practical. 

Join us!

Catherine’s website: https://insightconnection.uk

Catherine on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/insightandconnection/

Not mentioned, but a great read: Esther Perel and Mary Alice Miller article https://www.estherperel.com/blog/intimacy-and-your-5-senses

What are scams, you ask? They’re the beliefs that you’ve internalized over the years, that feel like the TRUTH – but they’re anything but.

These beliefs have scammed you, and we’re busting free (or at least getting free-er) in this episode.

You’ll hear three of the scammiest scams on my list, including I AM NOT ALLOWED TO FAIL, and learn what you can do about your own.

Light-hearted with a powerful message. Join us.

Brianna Wiest’s book: https://www.amazon.com/When-Youre-Ready-This-Heal/dp/194975944X/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1PDPZHBZE6YBN&keywords=briana+wiest&qid=1653853577&sprefix=Briana%2Caps%2C134&sr=8-3

You’ve spent decades making sacrifices and pushing yourself towards success. You love the thrill of the chase. But lately you noticed that you’re just not that into it. The bonuses, shiny things and lures of more status and power leave you flat, and you can’t explain it. You’re a little bored, maybe even burnt out. How do you get your spark back? That niggle in your gut is telling you to pay attention, but you’re afraid to listen to it. In this solo episode, I put my coach hat on and offer three invitations to recalibrate your thinking. Big change can feel terrifying, so let’s start smaller, by thinking through some foundational questions that might jiggle loose a new perspective.

Links:

Arthur Brooks’ book

David Brooks’ book

A More Exciting Life

Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

Article on growth without goals

Episode 46 of Enough, the Podcast

Mandy on Instagram

In this conversation, Emma and I dig into what’s keeping us “bound”, overwhelmed, and feeling not-enough. We touch on the types of happiness (Emma’s been researching happiness for 20 years) and why a contemplative practice is the foundation of having a more life-affirming relationship with yourself. You’ll hear about how people get “committed to burnout,” and how to break out of what Emma calls the “Matrix” that’s keeping you stuck and exhausted. There’s also a cameo from Dr Anna Lembke, best-selling author of Dopamine Nation, and Stanford professor. Emma and I get into the programs that are running our behaviours and thoughts – including one scenario where a salesperson insulted me, and I opened my wallet, fully aware of what I was doing (and I did it anyway!). Emma, why do we do this? Emma’s practical, evidence-based suggestions give you a path back to freedom, energy and your power. 

Links

Emma Seppälä’s website (and books)

Emma on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

Sky breathing technique

Anna Lembke’s book, Dopamine Nation

If you have excessively high expectations of yourself, and you’re struggling to practice self-compassion (or slow down), this episode is for YOU.

Today’s guest is Suzy Reading, psychologist, self-care advocate and author. I asked Suzy to create a tool kit for anyone who’s languishing right now, feeling depleted 

–though still trudging forward. Must. Keep. Going.

She shares some exceedingly do-able methods to give yourself some grace.

You’ll learn how to:

• Administer self-tenderness (without rolling your eyes)
• Habitualize self-insight when planning your day
• Regulate your nervous system
• View goal setting in an intriguing new way
• Practice self-forgiveness

Join us. 

Oh! And listen for the book giveaway of Suzy’s beautiful new book, And Breathe: Self-care Journal.

Suzy’s website: https://www.suzyreading.co.uk

Her latest book: And Breathe: Self-care Journal

How do you “do” enoughness? What are the steps to come back to wholeness? Is it as simple as chanting a mantra on repeat?

I am enough

I am enough

I am enough

How’s that working for you?

Yeah, me neither.

If you know me at all, you know I like practical. This episode is for the do-ers.

Allison Crow is our guest.

She’s a brilliant transformational coach, but I didn’t invite her on as an expert today.

I’m curious about the practices that other thought-leaders do for themselves. 

What modalities are they using? 

What are their rituals? 

And what can we learn from them?

Allison is IN the messy work of being in relation with all the parts of herself — especially the ones that nobody claps for.

She shares her experience of Internal Family Systems, a modality she’s currently immersed in. Important note: She’s not teaching or talking as a practitioner, but as a woman on her own journey.

I wanted you to experience the realness of someone in the work, and what that might bring up for you, as you listen.

Hit play. See you on the other side.

Show time, 18 min.

Allison on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allison_crow/

Website: https://allisoncrow.com

If you’ve ever been told something unkind, and it still replays in your head years later, this episode is for you. 

Maybe you internalized someone’s rude comment about your nose being too big, and ever since that, it’s something you secretly fixate on.

Or maybe someone did something to you, and you’ve carried that painful experience because you didn’t know how to stand up for yourself. 

So, you’re holding the shame around it, not knowing why – or how to dislodge it. You might be wondering, how did this become MY problem to hold?

This conversation explores why those hurtful words and experiences stick, particularly if you’ve grown up not feeling good enough. My favourite part is what we can do to heal and release those hurts.

I’m in conversation with Sara Milne Rowe, author, podcaster and performance coach. 

We get real about the verbal sticks and stones that’ve been hurled at us — and how we’re finally choosing to release them. 

Gritty, honest, and freeing. Join us.

Sara’s website: https://www.coachingimpact.co.uk/who-we-are

Sara’s podcast: https://www.coachingimpact.co.uk/better-under-pressure

Dr Caroline Leaf on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CjVLSbULpnb/

Does shame run your life?

Jen Pastiloff is the best-selling author of On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard.

For years, Jen stuffed down shame around her body, her hearing loss, her depression and anxiety. When she stopped denying her challenges, something wonderful happened. Folks responded to her authenticity.

Nowadays, Jen’s real. Like unapologetically real. You’ll find her on Instagram creating art and doing compassionate acts for other humans – sometimes with spinach in her teeth, and in the same yoga clothes she’s worn for days.

She refuses to be shackled by shame. And she’ll show you how to free yourself too.

You’ll learn some of the rituals she teaches in her popular workshops, including her morning prayer, and how you can let yourself off the hook before bed, “in case you ended up being a dick today.”

Inspiring and radically practical. Hit play and grab your cuppa.

Jen Pastiloff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenpastiloff/

Her website: https://jenniferpastiloff.com

This is an experiment! I’m bringing together some key moments from a selection of episodes in the show. These clips were chosen based on listener feedback or moments that made me think, wow, that was something special.

I’ll guide you through some heart-opening stories and wisdom drops that’ll hopefully make this a feel-good episode, and a self-compassion refresher.

You’ll get the gist of episodes you may have missed, and even if you’ve heard every single one, you’ll be reminded of a few key things: How to worry less about messing up and what people think about you; remembering that you are not broken; and understanding that wholeness is not about perfection.

Mostly, I’m hoping you’ll feel freer, more okay with yourself, and less alone as you listen to these shares today.

Once you’ve listened, let me know if you like this format, which I’m thinking of adding now and again (hello@mandylehto.com).

Let’s get real about your relationship with work. You’re praised for your stellar work ethic and revered for your awe-inspiring wins. But there’s a dark side to achieving that no one talks about. This episode probes that space.

My guest is Dr Mark Goulston, a former professor of psychiatry at UCLA for 25 years, who also trained FBI and police in hostage negotiation. He’s written nine books and has featured as a behavioural expert in The New York Times, Oprah, The Wall Street Journal. Mark is also the inventor of Surgical Empathy, a process that unlocks and frees people from attachment to dysfunctional mindsets.

You’ll learn where addiction achievement might come from – something Mark calls ‘psychological adhesions.’

You’ll also learn how to apply Surgical Empathy to yourself with a delightfully unorthodox tool -- which works, I’ve been trying it!

This conversation is intelligent, tender, and radically practical. 

Join us.

Sidebar: Not sure if you might have achievement addiction? I’m not sure any online test can definitely answer that (always seek professional help), but the link below can get you thinking.

Do you have achievement addiction? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201511/are-you-achievement-addicted-person

Dr Mark Goulston’s website: https://markgoulston.com/about/

My Wake Up Call podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/my-wakeup-call-with-dr-mark-goulston/id1439752757

Emmy Brunner’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-True-Voice/dp/0241474531/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1656532862&sr=8-1

Where did you learn how to be a woman who worked too much? Who modelled it? And if you don’t identify as a woman, stay tuned. The women in your life are likely overwhelmed and constantly doing – this episode will help you to understand why. 

Tamu Thomas is a former social worker, and now a coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much.

In this conversation Tamu and Mandy discuss toxic positivity and self-abandonment, and where these can come from (Tamu shares how she learned to overachieve in her Sierra Leonean family). You’ll also learn how to reclaim rest and regenerative selfcare, and how Grace Jones championed Tamu through hard times (Grace is available for pep talks, by the way). Mandy gives Tamu three real-life coaching scenarios to unpack. Insightful, powerful and radically practical.

2:06 How Tamu learned to work too much

6:37 Toxic Productivity

10:34 Self-abandonment – “It’s not your fault”

11:45 Being “nice” means it’s okay to feel bad, but not to look bad

12:46 How we learn to ignore our needs in favour of people pleasing

13:41 Tamu’s late diagnosed ADHD

15:28 Women and ambition; bossy leadership

17:46 The antidote to self-abandonment is safe community

19:23 Grace Jones gives Tamu pep talks

21:42 Post-traumatic growth and compassion

23:45 Regenerative selfcare – What is it? Why it matters

26:40 Boundaries

28:04 Regenerative selfcare in action

28:50 Good girl conditioning and stepping into bold womanhood

30:58 Regenerative selfcare is reading about political policies and voting

32:46 Coaching question 1: Corporate Armadillo. Woman in her 50s, has spent her corporate career armoured up. Wants to change

36:40 Coaching question 2: Woman of colour in her 40s who’s a people pleaser

40:35 Coaching question 3: I’m a midlife corporate lawyer and I’ve given myself to my job and my kids. I miss ME.

44:08 Tamu’s Brick of Wisdom

44:40 Outro

LINKS:

Tamu Thomas’ website and book.

Tamu on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

Maybe you’re purchasing status markers, like red-bottomed shoes or the latest gadgets to signal your success (and hey, no judgement! I do it too!) Maybe the title and the pay reaffirm your identity. You tell yourself that “one day” you’ll arrive at a certain paygrade or career milestone, and THEN you won’t need the validation anymore. THEN success will feel different. Less empty and fleeting. Uh huh.

I’m in conversation with Shelley Paxton, ex-Chief Marketing Officer of Harley Davidson, and Tracy Yates, ex-CEO of an 8-figure marketing agency, serving brands like Google and Amazon. They were success-FULL but felt hollow inside. What does it look like to start redefining success, decades into an established career? And how do you start weaning yourself off of external validation?

You’ll learn how both women did the inner work and loosened the grip of external validation. The best part? You can start playing with their ideas right away, without leaving your job. 

Links:

Shelley Paxton’s book, Soulbbatical.

Shelley’s TEDx talk.

Shelley’s website.

Shelley on Instagram.

Tracy Yates’ website.

Tracy Yates on Instagram.

Brené Brown’s VALUES sheet.

Arthur Brooks’ article on satisfaction.

Arthur Brooks’ article on choosing specialness over happiness.

Mandy Lehto’s website.

Mandy on Instagram.

The lack of sleep is a crazy-making thing, especially if you’re a woman of a certain age.

It worsens anxiety and ruminating thoughts – like, “I need to get a grip.”

Which pushes you to work even harder to avoid the chaos of uncompleted to-do lists, meaning you end up ratty and radioactive, not to mention over-caffeinated till the nightly wine brings you down again.

Then heap on the pandemic and Zoom fatigue.

Doesn’t bode well, does it?

If this sounds familiar, there’s help.

Dr Bella Smith is back for a 20-minute bonus episode, specifically for peri- and menopausal women and sleep. Or lack thereof.

She explains why we’re vulnerable to sleep disruption during the “perfect storm” of peri-menopause.

She gives us tips from a GP, and shares what to try if you are utterly desperate with sleeplessness.

It’s not you, it’s your hormones.

Get a blankie and press play.

Dr Bella Smith on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewell_hq/

Today’s episode is a practical, fast-paced conversation about how to raise daughters who know how to be with their emotions. Maybe you were discouraged as a child from being angry, and were told things like, “Calm down” or “that’s not very lady-like” or “good girls don’t behave like that." My hope is that with more awareness, we can help to raise a generation of girls who self-advocate and speak up.

My guest today is Natalie Costa, speaker, coach and author and founder of Power Thoughts, a coaching service designed to give kids power over their own thoughts. She’s featured in the Sunday Times, the Telegraph, Good Morning Britain, and BBC Breakfast, amongst others.

You’ll learn a brilliant technique that’ll help your kids to see that they are not their emotions (works on all genders – and try it as a grown up too).

You’ll learn to help your girls to build their assertiveness and boundary-setting muscle – and that might get a little uncomfortable. But it’s worth it.

Join us!

Natalie Costa’s website: https://www.powerthoughts.co.uk

Natalie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/powerthoughtsnc/

Put on your seatbelts, folks. My guest, David Vox, drops us into some gripping territory, by sharing how he swapped overachieving for self-acceptance. Now a transformational guide, David spent decades pushing down his own unhealed childhood trauma. He had a toned body, impressive accolades, and a closet full of Gucci and Hermes. From the outside, his life looked enviable. But inside, he was empty and self-critical. At a crossroads in his life, David gave away all his designer possessions, and returned home to a remote village in Norway to face his greatest fear. 

David’s story is laced with insights for anyone trying to fill the void inside themselves with chronic hustle and shiny objects. We talk about cultivating self-love, releasing rage, and choosing forgiveness. A master storyteller, David beautifully sums up how enoughness isn’t something to be sought (or bought), but rather, something to be tapped into. Prepare to be moved.

I’m not a good enough mother.

Ever said this to yourself?

Hang on a minute. Good enough according to whom? Your friends? Your own mother? Someone you follow on social media? Good Housekeeping magazine?

In this episode, I want to bust some of the supermom beliefs that you might be depleting and flagellating yourself with. Spoiler alert: The standards you’re holding yourself to are ridiculously high – and they’re probably not even YOUR standards.

Ready to blow up some exhausting, outdated beliefs? *Mandy rubs palms and smiles mischievously*

Cue Dr Sophie Brock, Motherhood Studies Sociologist, who explains – in a very accessible way – where these beliefs, “shoulds” and expectations around motherhood come from, and what you can do to free yourself.

If you’re ready to say ENOUGH to doubting your parenting, comparing yourself to other mothers, and to quit the insidious Guilt-Resentment-Explosion cycle, press play. We’ve got you.

Show time 34 min.

Sophie’s website: https://drsophiebrock.com

Sophie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsophiebrock/

Episode 73:  Unlearning Silence with Dr. Elaine Lin Hering

Have you ever received the feedback to “speak up” at work? Say more in meetings. Turn up the volume. It sounds so easy but speaking up isn’t always that straightforward – or welcomed.

Today’s guest is Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence: How to speak your mind, unleash talent and lead with courage. She’s been a lecturer at Harvard Law School, and a Managing Partner at a global leadership development firm. Elaine’s clients have included Nike, Google and Pixar.

We deep-dive into silence — how we silence ourselves, how we silence others, and how it’s baked into the system. You’ll learn that there’s often good reason to stay silent in some corporate situations — politics, power dynamics, challenging individuals. Un-silencing yourself can be especially challenging if you’re not from the dominant culture...

This conversation feels like master-class--meets mentoring--meets real life coaching session. 

We discuss:

1. A scenario where an executive feels publicly undermined by her boss, and his feedback (when she brings it up) is to increase her confidence and toughen up.

2. A scenario where a senior executive has helped a new colleague and shared her client base, and now he’s getting all the visibility (she doesn’t feel she’s one to speak up and address it).

3. A newly promoted Partner feels like the token woman on the senior leadership team…Have they only promoted me because I’m female?

LINKS:

Elaine Lin Hering’s website and book

Elaine on LinkedIn

Mandy on LinkedIn

It’s hard to be playful when you feel the need to get things right.

And yet, deep down, you’d love to lighten up. But it’s not that simple, is it? What if you try telling a joke, or striking up a social conversation, and it pancakes? The fear of looking stupid is kryptonite to levity.

Fear not! I’ve called in the magical unicorns of playfulness (AND they’re both highly accomplished in serious things as well – go figure!) 

Meet Em Stroud, professional clown, coach, MC, TedX speaker, host of the top-rated podcast, Clowning Around, and author of Lessons from a Clown. She’s also the founder of the Laugh, Think, Play movement.

Guest number two is Jason Goldberg, performance and leadership coach for celebrities, change-makers and CEOs. He’s the best-selling author of Prison Break: Vanquish the Victim, own your obstacles, and lead your life, and the host of the Jason Goldberg is Ruining Podcasting Podcast. Oh, and he’s shared his ha-ha’s and AHA’s on major international stages, including Mindvalley.

Em and Jason share their refreshing perspectives on how you can lighten up a little. Practical, deep, and deliciously light-hearted. Join us.

Em Stroud’s website: https://emmastroud.london

Clowning Around podcast: https://emmastroud.london/clowning-around-podcast/

Jason Goldberg’s website: https://thejasongoldberg.com

Jason Goldberg is ruining podcasting: https://thejasongoldberg.com/thepodcast/

If you’ve ever downplayed your success at work, felt like you didn’t belong, or attributed your career wins to luck, you’ve likely experienced Imposter Syndrome. Stats show that 70 per cent of us have experienced its wily grip at some stage of our careers. In this fast-paced solo episode I share three key things that might be causing imposter syndrome in your life. We’ll also explore what might be GOOD about it, and what three-step technique you can try when you’re feeling it. I’m also curious if the term itself is outdated (it originated in the 1970s). Oh, you’re wondering about the banana. You’ll hear how a banana kicked off a shame cycle for me. True story.

Links:

Mandy’s imposter syndrome QUIZ.

How the Queen would eat a banana.

YouGov stats on Brits and imposter syndrome.

Stats 70 per cent have felt imposter syndrome.

KPMG research.

Emma Reed Turrell on podcast (refers to Visibility, Novelty, Minority).

Stylist article with MIT prof quotes.

HBR article: Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome.

Have we got perfectionism all wrong? Is it something that we need to eradicate?

Today’s guest is Katherine Morgan Schafler, psychotherapist, and former on-site therapist at Google. In her new book, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, Katherine says we don’t need to “recover” from perfectionism to be happy and successful. We need to learn how to be with it in a way that empowers us. You’ll learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism (and how to course correct, when it’s the latter). You’ll also learn about the five types of perfectionists, and which one you might be. This is part one of my two-part conversation with Katherine.

LINKS

Types of Perfectionist Quiz

BBC article

Katherine Morgan Schafler’s website

Katherine on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

Sarah Norrad episode

Mandy Lehto’s website

You’ve done the inner work, but you still find yourself thinking, “Jeez, I should be sorted by now.” 

You wonder if you’re doing it wrong.

I created this episode with Emma Stroud, performer, MC, author, and professional clown (and one of my coaches), because I wanted to show you that the journey to Enough is messy and non-linear.

Emma has worked on herself for decades. She’s done the deep work. I thought you’d like to hear how she puts it into practice day by day — a kind of peek behind the curtain, if you will. Spoiler alert: It’s still messy. And that’s okay.

We discuss:

• How Emma talked herself away from the edge of a train platform
• Owning ALL the parts of ourselves — even the “gross”, scary ones
• How to handle anger and rage that comes up during the healing journey
• Dealing with shame 
• Why you should play the Mission Impossible theme while hanging laundry
• Oodles of practical tips and tools

We laugh. 

We get uncomfortable. 

Join us for this nourishing, deeply human conversation.

Find Emma here:

https://emmastroud.london

Her podcast, Clowning Around, is here: https://pod.link/1499174238

Have you ever wondered if people in the public eye feel bouts of not-enoughness? And if so, how they handle it? 

Janette Manrara is a former pro dancer on Strictly Come Dancing, a television show watched by 12-18 million people each week. Janette now hosts the TV programme, It Takes Two, and recently published Tiny Dancer, Big World: How to find fulfilment from the inside out. 

In this conversation, Janette and I discuss her unusual entry into professional dance (her “wiggly career”), her moments of not-enoughness resulting from the rejections along the way, and how she finally learned to relate to moments of imposter syndrome and self-doubt (because – spoiler alert – they never go away). There’s a secret insight from Janette in the Outro, so listen to the very end.

(3:18) Mandy’s experience of ballroom dancing.

(6:18) Self-love has been a quest for Janette.

(7:31) Janette shares her career moments of not feeling enough.

(14:11) LA is the most ruthless place on earth for rejection.

(18:57) Janette’s first year on Strictly

(20:56) Her inner critic and not feeling good enough or liked on the show.

(23:26) What Janette would say to her younger self.

(24:42) Lenny Kravitz also has bouts of not-enoughness.

(25:28) Defensive pessimism and a recap of Janette’s points.

(27:28) Imposter syndrome – Janette had no “specialty”

(32:15) Adam Grant’s Overblown Implications Effect, and ‘what are you listening for?’

(34:38) Wiggly careers/skill stacking.

38:52 Emma Reid Turrell: 3 reasons your imposter syndrome might get activated.

(40:20) How Janette handles moments of imposter syndrome.

(44:16) Gratitude (it works, even if it sounds “old hat”).

(47:08) The biggest takeaway Janette readers experience from her book.

(49:00) Enoughness is a practice. Recap of Janette’s practices.

(50:36) Janette’s Brick of Wisdom.

(51:25) Outro and secret bonus insight from Janette on what dance is like for her.

LINKS

Janette Manrara’s book.

Janette on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

IG video of Lenny Kravitz discussing his moments of self-doubt.

Poet Alix Klingenberg on IG.

Episode 64 on Imposter Syndrome.

If you’ve ever been labelled too loud, too intense, TOO MUCH, this episode is for you. I’m in conversation with two guests who, for years, felt the need to shrink themselves to be more acceptable for others.

You’ll meet Karen Goldfinger Baker, who had a stellar career in fund-raising, and now coaches pro athletes and executives at organizations such as Apple and Disney. You’ll also meet Dr Sarah Madigan, author and clinical psychologist, who leads coaching groups that look ridiculously fun.

Both women share where their too-much beliefs came from, and how they’ve learned to relate to that belief differently, letting their authenticity shine through. You’ll learn techniques from Sarah with her clinical psychologist hat on in case you’ve been holding back, worried about being too much.

Trigger warning: There is mention of childhood sexual abuse, and the death of a baby.

Dr Sarah Madigan’s website.

Karen Goldfinger Baker’s website.

Author and psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler and I dig into self-criticism, judgment, and comparison.

I share a real-life scene from a “Wild Woman” retreat, and what a cringey conversation (involving a sarong and hand-held mirror) taught me about how I handle challenging situations. I suspect this will be a useful insight for you too. 

How do you speak to yourself when you’re WAY out of your comfort zone? If you’re listening to this podcast, I suspect your inner voice ain’t exactly Mary Poppins. If you’re critical of yourself and others, what can you do? Katherine shares a technique that you can action right away. I’ve been trying it all week. Solid gold!

Links:

Katherine Morgan Schafler’s website.

Katherine on Instagram.

Mandy on Instagram.

Mandy on LinkedIn.

In this 13-minute episode, I share a mini practice that’s having mega impact so far. Instead of waiting till I’d mastered it, I’m sharing now, as I’m experimenting myself. It’s a simple, free thing I do every morning, and – for me anyway – the timing of it is key.

If you’re shedding old habits too, and are feeling a bit discombobulated in the meantime, GREAT! Coming off autopilot with old, ingrained habits and beliefs can have that wonky-fying effect. This technique can help.

Do I regularly forget to do this? Yep.

Do I sometimes roll my eyes and feel a bit jaded and cynical about it? Uh huh.

Do I keep doing it anyway? YES! Because there’s something to the lost art of consistency, instead of next-ing through all the advice in gazillions of self-help books (and then saying this shiz doesn’t work).

Ready for the big reveal? Hit play. Let’s roll.

Can you love yourself when you no longer relate to yourself?

Maybe a big life event – a redundancy, a divorce, an illness, or an accident – has changed how you feel in your own skin.

You know that you’re unlikely to get back to the “old you,” which is hard to accept. #somuchrage

So, you’re in this fog, thinking, “Well fug, I didn’t expect my life to turn out like this.”

How do you surrender to a new reality that you never wanted?

How do you move forward?

Can you ever thrive again?

Catherine Kell was at the top of her corporate career game when her life went badly wrong. She was unable to walk, and was in constant pain. She wished she hadn’t survived.

This is a raw, relatable, life-affirming story of how you can learn radical self-compassion.

And even if your life hasn’t been upended, Catherine’s practical teachings on being less of a jerk to yourself is a balm.

Need another reason to listen?

Two words: Scottish accent.

You’re welcome.

Hit play and join us.

Catherine on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/selfcompassioncommunity/

Hi (*waves frantically*). I’m Dr Mandy Lehto, a personal coach and recovering overachiever. I made this podcast because I (literally) got sick of feeling like I constantly needed to hustle for my worth. Nothing I achieved ever felt good enough – like now, I can finally rest, and stop being such a jerk to myself. I’m sharing the tools, insights, books, methods, and experts that I consulted as I left behind people-pleasing, over-functioning and burnout. Why? Because it might make YOU feel less alone. You’ll hear from various helpers, healers and experts, offering insights on handling overwhelm, limiting beliefs and that pesky inner critic – mine even has a name! You’ll meet her in the Trailer. You’ll also hear honest, deeply human interviews with people at different stages of their own journeys to enough. This podcast is moving, light-hearted and practical. Let’s walk this path together. Weekly episodes drop on Thursdays. Subscribe for updates.

Anger feels like the baddie of emotions. Many of us deal with anger by numbing it, or pushing it down, hoping it’ll magically disappear. But it’s still there, trapped in the body. Instead of stuffing it down, let’s talk about anger, and learn a more effective way of processing it.

Today’s guest is Dr Caroline Boyd, Chartered Clinical Psychologist and author who is frequently quoted in the press on women’s rage and maternal anger. We focus more generally on anger in this conversation, whether or not you’re a mom (or even a parent). You’ll learn how our complex relationship to anger starts early. You’ll learn practical ways to manage those ‘flip your lid’ moments, and why you’re encouraged to start turning TOWARDS your anger, instead of pushing it away (counterintuitive and brilliant!) Join us.

Links:

Dr Caroline Boyd’s website.

Caroline's Workshop

Caroline on Instagram.

Dr Dan Siegel explains flipping your lid.

Guardian article (including Rage Rooms).

Soraya Chemaly’s TED talk.

What are sub-routines? Author, coach, and “CEO Whisperer” Jerry Colonna adopts a term from computer programming, referring to the software that runs under an application, likening this to our belief systems laid down early in life. Jerry uses radical self-inquiry on me (unexpectedly) to probe my belief of “I must be constantly productive to be worthy” – a common sub-routine in high-achievers. Jerry invites us to consider the beliefs we’ve inherited from our ancestors in attempts to belong (as well as the subroutines those ancestors might’ve been running). How might these sub-routines be running under your leadership? We end with Jerry’s suggested practice and the core question to use in your own self-inquiry. The vibe of this episode? Deep, reflective, thought-provoking. 

*Explicit. Mentions suicide. 

4:03 Mandy’s Sedona ancestry experience

9:54 What does ‘belonging’ mean? – “To whom do I belong as a white, cis-gender man?”

11:50 Radical self-inquiry

14:55 Who am I? How did I come to be? Why do I do things that I do?

15:24 Sub-routines

17:20 Jerry’s career in VC (and working himself to death)

20:25 Examples of sub-routines

24:30 How Jerry worked through his sub-routines

30:00 Jerry does radical self-inquiry on Mandy

35:07 Behaviours persist when they provide a benefit

47:09 Relevance of sub-routines to working life

47:45 Jerry’s suggestion of what you can try – his core question to sit with

52:55 Jerry’s Brick of Wisdom

Links:

Jerry Colonna’s Reboot website.

Jerry Colonna on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Jerry Colonna on LinkedIn.

Gay Hendricks’s book The Big Leap.

When you’ve got no idea who you are or what you want, it complicates the heck out of intimate relationships.

But, erm, maybe if you’re nice enough – meaning you become whoever a possible partner wants you to be – you’ll get the connection and sex you’re looking for, right?

Unlikely.

Today’s guest is coach and therapist Dr Sasha Mitrofanov, a man intimately acquainted with the role of “I’ll be whoever you want me to be.”

Sasha shares his experience of growing up disconnected from his own needs, and how that showed up in his relationships. Clueless about how to meet women, Sasha joined the Seduction Society.

But real change only happened once he began the deep work of connecting with himself and shedding his nice guy persona.

In this poignant and practical episode, Dr Sasha shares the tools that ultimately helped him to feel good enough – and that he uses with the anxious, “nice guy” (and “good girl”) clients he works with.

Join us!

Dr Sasha’s website: https://www.drsasha.co.uk

Brandon Bays’ book, The Journey

Neil Straus’s book, The Game

John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Kristin Neff’s book, Self Compassion

The pandemic has had a disproportionate impact on women. The majority are overwhelmed, exhausted and zombie-walking through the blur work and home, now a boundary-less mush. Maybe self-care has dropped off. Maybe your sleep and hormones are out of whack. 

Women are more at risk than ever for declining mental health and burnout.

Enter Dr Bella Smith, a GP with more than 2 decades of experience in the National Health Service. 

We talk symptoms of burnout (such a slippery fish, this one). She shares the fascinating hormonal angle, which I didn’t have on the radar when I skidded into my own burnout.

It’s time to change those ingrained scripts of perfectionism and overachieving and become better advocates for our precious bodies. We’ve got nowhere else to live. It’s time to own that reality.

Bella takes us behind the GP’s curtain of how she, as a mom with a big, stressful job, creates boundaries that keep her out of burnout. You need to know this.

Hit play. Your wellbeing will thank you.

Dr Bella Smith on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedigitalgp/

The Well HQ wellness website: https://www.instagram.com/thewell_hq/

You’re exposed to thousands of ads a day, designed to reinforce the message that you’re not enough. You MUST have this miracle cream, and this butt-lifting pair of jeans. 

Today’s guest is Sara Brigz, the Declutter Coach. She helps people to disentangle their worth from the stuff they purchase and accumulate. 

We get into the psychology of why we buy (and keep) things. Sara talks about three kind of clutter: just-in-case clutter; sentimental clutter; and “fantasy self” clutter. 

Find out which type you’re prone to, and how you can meet the un-met need underneath in a more nourishing, wallet-friendly way

Ahh perfectionism, that crafty distraction from all the yucky feelings bubbling under the surface…

Perfectionism has also been a handy survival strategy, am I right?

But you’re here because it’s time to part ways. 

Perfectionism is like an ultra-high-maintenance partner, filing its nails, always underwhelmed and critical. Never an encouraging word. Cuts you zero slack.

Exhausted much? 

You’re in luck. Today’s guest is Sarah Normandin, the Imperfection Specialist.

She puts her therapist and coach hats on and teaches us how to change our relationship with perfectionism.

• We get stoned (not what you think, sorry…)
• We talk mantras while vacuuming
• We think about what a lovey-dovey auntie said about you (or a beloved teacher, perhaps)

Grab your cuppa and join us…

http://www.sarahnormandin.com

https://www.instagram.com/sarahnormandinmsw/

Are you scared of being “ordinary”? — as if that relegates you to the dull, low-achieving, not-living-life-to-the full bucket.

Or maybe you’re afraid of failing, so you only do things you’re already good at. You’d love to take more risks, but only if you don’t look bad.

Or maybe you’re scared of really shining bright, because that would mean you’re a bit full of yourself. So, you dim your light and play it safe.

If any of these conundrums have you nodding, you’re in the right place. I’m doing a Q&A with author and clinical psychologist, Michaela Thomas.

Michaela specialises in perfectionism and helping busy, stressed-out people find balance over burnout. She also runs the Pause Purpose Play podcast.

You’ll learn where the pressure to be extraordinary can come from.

You’ll learn techniques to take the sting out of failure.

And you’ll consider if you’re dimming your light with your accomplishments, even if you are pushing so hard for success.

Join us! Practical and pacey. Michaela is a real delight.

Michaela Thomas’ website: https://thethomasconnection.co.uk

Michaela on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_thomas_connection/

Cristiano Ronaldo video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H_DSErYUZk

Catherine Gray’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Joy-Ordinary-Catherine-Gray/dp/1783253371/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1664287683&sr=8-4

Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1664207990&sr=8-1

Quiz on Mandy’s website: https://mandylehto.com/quiz-waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop/

Me on Michaela’s podcast: https://thethomasconnection.podbean.com/e/overcoming-perfectionism-with-mandy-lehto/

“I just need to get through this project, and then I’ll slow down.” Who knows that lie? 

You can love your job AND still be exhausted by it. Today I’m talking about the exhaustion during those ultra-intense periods when we push down the red flags from our body. 

My guest is former Disney executive, Dr David Yudis. Disney is the happiest place on earth. It’s a place with no limits – as he discovered. 

In his early 40s, David was living the dream in that buzzy, chronically exhausted state. “I just need to get through till the holidays…and THEN, I’ll recover.” David’s body had other plans.

In this episode you’ll learn about the hot little motor burning underneath David’s relentless drive (I did not see that one coming!)

You’ll get three takeaways from David’s experience that you can apply to your own life right away. Join us.

Links:

Book: On Self-Hatred (School of Life)

David Yudis’ website

Mandy Lehto’s website