Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas, with Frederik Ribersson (Frederik Ribersson)

With narcissists, there always is a first moment we sense something is wrong. A strange look. A fight coming out of nowhere. A suggestion they think we are a bad person. Them stabbing us in the back (or the face).

What can we learn from this? How can we use this to reduce the risk of being taken advantage of in the future? I share some thoughts and stories.

I just came across an article "what words can destroy a narcissist" on some website. I think it was generated by AI. And it was full of really toxic ideas and thought structures. I recorded my debunking of these ideas that WILL backfire on anyone who tries them.

I really dislike when people take advantage of others. And it's important to recognise bad and unhelpful ideas.

When a narcissist breaks up with us, that is commonly referred to as a "discard". However, today I came across a tweet from psychotherapist Jonathan Shedler that mentioned being "shrugged off". There is an emotional quality to this expression which I think is highly relevant to situations with narcissists.

*** Watch the full video here and remember to subscribe on YouTube for all visuals ***

Moving on after narcissists is a real challenge. If you're watching these videos, you've probably realised this. And perhaps you wonder "even though I've watched so much and I've learned so much, why am I still stuck? Why am I not seeing progress in healing after a toxic relationship with a narcissist?"  Or maybe you're wondering "why do I STILL keep attracting narcissists?"

Well, healing after a narcissist requires us to mourn one person. And few people even mourn that person. (And when we do, it REALLY hurts the narcissist!).

But there's another person whom we must mourn so that we truly move on AND stop continuing to attract narcissists. Most people ever mourn that person, and perhaps that is why they don't move on.

I'll talk about both and hopefully help you be ready to mourn the second one, so you can finally move one and stop attracting narcissists.

#npd #narcissism #narcissist

Why would a divorce lawyer need to learn about narcissism? Why is "trying to prove to the court that your ex is a narcissist" a losing strategy? What could you do instead? Why is "seeking justice from the court" likely to backfire? Divorce lawyer Henry Crisp and Coach Frederik Ribersson discuss this and far more, providing tips, reframes, suggestions which will help anyone dealing with a narcissist, both within the legal system, and beyond. Henry's website: https://www.crispandco.com Read the blog: https://www.crispandco.com/site/blog/ Follow Henry on: Twitter: https://twitter.com/Crisp_co Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100027966177104 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/crispcosolicitors/ My workshop Healing After Narcissists: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com

Getting over narcissists and getting our life back on track can be really tough. Of course, we want to understand better what happened. AND at the same time, there are some simple (but not easy) things we can do to make things better. In this episode I share some ideas.

It's understandable to want justice or closure. And it works best when it comes from within.

Let's examine 6 ways we can tell if someone is toxic (for us) but observing how we are reacting unconsciously to them.  Instead of debating how and why someone is toxic or is a narcissist, how about we observe how our body reacts?

It is possible that our body is telling us EVERYTHING we need to know about the situation - and whether or not it is working out for us.

In this video, I share 3 symptoms related to our body, and 3 related to OUR behaviours.

By putting the focus back on US, we empower ourselves and avoid senseless debates.

After all, if a relationship is NOT working out for us, it isn't working our, regardless what the reasons are!

And learning to listen to ourselves (again? For a change?) is liberating!

The first time we encounter narcissistic rage, it can be terrifying and extremely uncomfortable. But once we recognise it, it loses a lot of its power. It can be easy to spend time reviewing events wondering if, perhaps, the other person had a point and we did something that warranted this stream of abuse. In this episode I take one specific example and analyse it for your benefit. I give an overview of the context, I run through the events as descriptively as possible, explain my mindset and try to understand the other person’s convoluted logic. Do you think they were reasonable? How would you have reacted?

Narcissists use Rupars to gaslight us. The technique is obnoxious, and effective, and can make us hallucinate they are right, and we are wrong.

So what is a Rupar, how does it work, and how can we avoid getting rupared by #narcissists?

What is the first sign of a toxic dynamic? We often look for behaviours and patterns, but maybe the first sign is a feeling we have, a sinking feeling, not feeling good enough. And maybe the first symptom of that is when we stop doing things that we love and that are good for us.

The nice "focus boosting" drink called Magic Mind I mentioned, with many healthy ingredients, has a special offer in January, which you can find here:

https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson

And if you use the code RIBERSSON20, you'll get another 20% off your order. I tried and enjoy this drink (who are kindly sponsoring this episode), so am happy to mention it to my audience.

Laura was a guest in a guesthouse. But she acted as though we were her guests: she bossed people around, and was obnoxious. But one lie she told uncovered the truth, and she turned on me. This is the sad story of Laura, little dog Simba, and some reflexions on how to spot and deal with toxic people and narcissists.

Knowing red flags is helpful in avoiding narcissists BUT if we conflate them with red lights, it can PREVENT us from actually moving forward. It is vital to know the difference between red flags we learn to recognise and actual red lights.

In the episode, we review what red flags are, why they are NOT red flights. And we look at what red herrings are, and why confused thinking makes us more vulnerable to narcissists.

Big question! Should you forgive a narcissist? Is it even possible to forgive a toxic person? And if it is, is it desirable or necessary?

In this conversation with Joshua Goldberg, we start by asking "what do we mean by forgiveness"?

Narcissists are really annoying. Often. But why? Some common beliefs make them hard to understand, but once we see clearly, it makes more sense. I had a few conversations recently trying to decode their logic and motivations. This episode might help you make more sense of their otherwise bizarre behaviour.

Narcissists play toxic games. Many of these are common and can be recognised. In this episode, I share some tips to recognise games and we analyse a few of the games narcissists commonly play, as well as a few suggestions to avoid getting up in autopilot.

You can read more about these games here: https://ericberne.com/games-people-play/im-only-trying-to-help-you/

Narcissists will accuse people of doing EXACTLY what they are doing. If you see a problem and want to make an accurate diagnostic, they will accuse you of complaining. This happened to me, recently.

In this episode, I share how I handled the situation, the logic and techniques I used, so you might be able to use them too, if it is safe for you to use them. And, in all cases, this will make it harder for you to be gaslit into believing that you're complaining when you're actually trying to solve situations.

Life can feel really lonely, especially after being with a narcissist or a toxic person. When I travelled to Kazakhstan, I met these therapists who did body work on me. Despite not speaking the same language, everything was easy: "you are here, you are in pain, we will help you."

Having a platform such as this one is crazy. Being able to record thoughts and share them, and have people tell me this is helpful, this is crazy. I wouldn't have dreamt it was possible during my darkest moments. 

So, using this platform: you, dear listener, are just like me. The support I received, it is there for you too. You may not know it yet, but it is there. You are not alone and many, many people do actually care.

Thank you for listening and take good care of yourself - and of your "elephant".

It is easier to establish healthy boundaries with others and respect ourselves more when we use a simple yet powerful metaphor borrowed from positive psychology. Read Jonathan Haidt's "Happiness Hypothesis" for more.

When we know someone is unreasonable, a narcissist or toxic, why do we still argue with them?

Let's examine 3 valid reasons for arguing with someone. 3 reasons why arguing might be a waste of time.

And perhaps the real reason why we might still argue with them, even though we'd rationally know it is a waste of time.

Watch on YouTube for all of the visuals:

https://youtu.be/0EmbSmSUnQg

Watch on YouTube with all visuals and drawings here: https://youtu.be/X7sGDTJCMhA

Relationships with narcissists feel like we're playing heads or tails: heads they win, tails you lose. Sounds fun?  

We can use logic and statistics to unravel their toxic games, let me show you how.  

There's one good place to argue with them. And that is inside your head.  

We can test their statements with a simple sentence: if this is true, what else must be true.  

Narcissists accuse us to things, such as having an unhealthy obsession with sleep. How do we deal with that? By taking it seriously. Let me show you how.  And in any relationship, who is the judge?

When talking with narcissists and toxic people, we can get caught in bad faith arguments. How can we recognise this and avoid getting stuck in narc logic and, instead, highlight how their logic is illogical, unhealthy and dishonest?

In this podcast exclusive episode, I share a few tips. Remember to tune in on YouTube at www.youtube.com/c/fribersson for more episodes.

Relationships with narcissists can't work out. And the reason is obvious, once we see it. A client was asking if things failed because of what she did, or didn't do, or say, or wear, or some other random detail.

No, obviously not. But she was looked at the wrong level.

In this episode, I share a simple model and question that help see the big picture and give us much needed perspective.

On a different topic, a nice "focus boosting" drink called Magic Mind with many healthy ingredients has a special offer in January, which you can find here:

https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson

And if you use the code RIBERSSON20, you'll get another 20% off your order. I tried and enjoy this drink (who are kindly sponsoring some episodes, though not this one), so am happy to mention it to my audience.

Cults and Narcissists use nearly identical manipulation tricks that are very effective - until we recognise them and debunk them. In this episode I share 6 of these tricks they play and make some suggestions to make yourself less vulnerable.

Breaking up with a narcissist can be a nightmare, if you decide to: emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, hoovering and more are common as means to torture you into taking them back, so they can extract more energy from you. But is there a way to get them to leave you so that they... leave you alone? Maybe. Tune in to find out.

When there's a disagreement, how can you tell who is being unreasonable - so you avoid "wrestling with pigs"?

I share two stories and some tips about how to find more clarity.

Enjoy this podcast exclusive episode!

Narcissists and cults use similar manipulation tactics to wear people down. In this livestream from YouTube, I share some thoughts.

Narcissists confuse us by lying to us and gaslighting us. It can be awfully hard to figure out what is true, and what is false. However, there are some simple sentences that can help us ungaslight ourselves a bit after dealing with narcissists. In this video, I share five examples of sentences which are all true, which all raise valid questions, and which can help ungaslight ourselves. Index: 00:00 We don’t know what is true with narcissists 00:26 Gaslight snuffers 00:35 Observation 1: Narcissists Lie 01:10 Observation 2: If they lied about this, it is not impossible they lied about something else 01:58 N° 5 02:27 N° 4 02:48 Important Reminder 03:30 N° 3 04:49 N° 2 05:27 N° 1 06:30 Important detail 07:00 Narcissists hack this normal mental shortcut 07:45 Lies damage our lives 08:23 Exercise

Narcissists use convoluted / stupid thinking to manipulate others and defend low quality ideas. Once we recognise HOW narcissists think, it becomes easier to avoid being manipulated and to avoid embracing low quality ideas. In this episode I share 11 of these ideas and debunk the.

Last night I witnessed a woman abusing her boyfriend over dinner. She operated in 6 stages to break him down. I share those six stages and some ways to reduce the risk of being hurt in such situations.

Why do narcissists so often get what they want? Maybe because they know the answer to this question.

Knowing the question doesn't mean the answer is easy, or self evident. But not asking the question means you probably don't have the answer. Not only will it be easier for people to abuse you, you'll be MUCH less likely to be happy.

Note: the dialogue is intended to provide a tool to help you GET OUT of a non-sensical argument with a narcissist. It isn't recommending you start arguing with one (or recommending much else). The goal is to help you break the "spell" they might be holding over you by making their problems your problems through faulty logic. Once the spell is broken, it no longer works.  Course on Healing after Narcissists info below.  

Please like and subscribe to support this channel. Have you noticed how toxic people and narcissists are masters at making their problems your problems? Complaining until you do something to make their lives better, usually costing you time, money, draining your energy? How do you counter this?  Using this easy technique is very effective. By using a simple metaphor and a few targeted questions, we can flip their problem around, ask them questions that trap them in their own cognitive dissonance.  

This is both unsettling for them, satisfying for us - and most of all, it provides healthy protection and allows us to establish whether someone is simply blinded and wants to improve things, or that person is attempting to leech off us.  It is also effective when helping someone who is stuck in an unhealthy relationship, without being pushy, taking on their problems, or trying to force their eyes open (which seldom works and is another form of unhealthy relationship).  

Course on Healing After Narcissists: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com use discount code "iwanttoheal" for 50% off (until 31 August 2021).

Narcissists are a bad deal. So let's see if tools used to analyse deals can help us identify toxic relationships and make more sense of why they are such a... bad deal.

#npd #narcissism #narcissist #toxicrelationship

Narcissists rely on lies that are propped up by other lies. Why? It makes it easier for them to manipulate us. It is hard to believe one person can lie so much. But also, by relying on a "mesh network", it means that even if one lie is exposed, the network of lies still resists. And we are more likely to just shrug off anomaly after anomaly.

Until we realise what is happening, the whole network crashes and we experience a "narrative collapse", where our whole world view seems crazy.

Learn to recognise this, and make yourself less vulnerable to their manipulation.

Narcissists will claim to know a lot. They will appear certain. And yet, many of the things they claim to know are... unknowable. Or it is not possible for them to be as certain as they are. In this episode, I share some thoughts to avoid falling for the "certainty = credibility" trap.

Narcissists trick us into interacting with them. How? This short parable illustrates some of their tricks - and the second part of this episode deconstructs the main ideas. So you hopefully are less likely to get scammed again in the future!

Narcissists lie, a lot. And for the lies to work, they rely (pun?) on us "reading between the lines". While this is a good idea with healthy people, it is a terrible idea with liars. So instead, when someone says something weird, you can ask this question: what do you mean?

Narcissists use double standards to create conflict. How? They escalate debates using semi-bad faith methods, being a bit provocative - but when we match them, they accuse us of doing what they did. What can we do? Tune in to find out!

Narcissists love pretending to be offended. It puts them at the centre of attention, they can pretend cry, get sympathy, bully others. But this is not enough for them. This is why they get offended "in absentia", they pretend to be offended "on behalf of people who are not present" - and who often do not actually exist. This is an effective strategy to bully others, but there is one key tell that lets us know whether we are being provided good faith feedback, or are being told rubbish by a toxic person who is faking offense.

After a toxic relationship, it can be common to obsess over what happened - and even date more people who present the same symptoms of personality disorder. Why?

This episode explores some potential reasons -and what to do to avoid this.

Narcissists love to infiltrate and take over groups. It's less effort than creating a group. There are certain patterns they follow. I observe 6 stages of the takeover. Hopefully this will make you less vulnerable.

Is therapy helpful after being with a narcissist? Is all therapy equal? What are some things to look out for? What was my experience working with a therapist through a breakup WITHOUT being aware of narcissism? I share some thoughts on this topic.

In short, I recommend working with licensed therapists who have experience dealing with personality disorders, otherwise you run the risk of the "both people contributed to the problems". This usually is true, and it is very different when one person is pretending to be someone else.

There are 6 levels of lying, from the least bad to the absolute worst. Once we recognise them, we are less easy to manipulate and be gaslit. The levels are:

1. Being wrong (technically not lying)

2. Hyperbole

3. Spinning

4. Lying

And the two narcissist / cult levels are:

5. Brain washing (selling a world narrative that is false / unverifiable)

6. Gaslighting (telling you that "you are not seeing what you think you are seeing".

Narcissists want us to turn against the people who actually have our backs. Why? It isolates us, makes us easier to manipulate - and makes it easier for THEM to do the manipulation.

We know narcissists love to play stupid. They'll even confuse us with hyperbole: when someone else uses it, they'll take it literally. And when they use it, they'll sometimes claim it's hyperbole, or it's literal, depending on how we react. But once we learn to recognise hyperbole, we learn which questions to ask to stop them from messing with our heads (and hearts).

Watch on YouTube so you don't miss the visuals: https://youtu.be/KHiNJXIwSug

She had had a bad breakup after 20 years with someone, 15 of which he had been obnoxious and presented symptoms of having a personality disorder. And she could not wrap her head around this. But I figured out how to reframe the situation for her to get it. She laughed, snapped out of the hypnosis, and FINALLY turned the page. This is the story.

I recently witnessed a narcissist verbally assault cabin crew on a plane. Luckily I was there to help them realise this woman was not just a bit weird, but was positively crazy and toxic!

Be it with narcissists (or other people), this common mistake makes us more vulnerable to being easily manipulated.  But once we're aware of it, it's much easier to avoid making it - even though it may be uncomfortable. But what is the alternative? More pain and manipulation?

Some ideas are particularly bad and unhelpful, and yield disastrous results. A few of them are quite as bad as the idea of labelling people as good or bad people, instead of observing their behaviours. By labelling people, we become blinded to facts and take sides. Those who want us to think this way are trying to control us, whether they realise it or not. Avoid this blindspot and listen to this episode, as I walk you through a forest.

We sometimes get into arguments they don’t seem to go anywhere, it can be very frustrating. It are we sure we’re not simply wrestling with a pig who is enjoying it?

Fungibility is a term used in economics to describe "items that can be mixed without differentiating the source". For example, if you and I pour a bottle of water into a pan, the water is mixed. We can't separate your water from mine.

Most of us view attention differently. A partner's attention is worth MORE than a random strangers. But narcissists see things differently. They don't care where the attention comes from, provided they get it, and enough of it.

That is why it's so easy for them to discard you when you no longer supply enough attention.

When a friend's new partner starts employing Isolation Tactics, or Loyalty Challenge, when they are trying to create conflict between the friend and their Support Group, what is really going on? And if you put down boundaries, are you being unreasonable or… Doing the right thing? Tune in to find out!

Kylie Borg was in a toxic relationship and, as often is the case, she did not realise it. Little by little, things got worse, until one day she set her boundaries - and stood by them. So what did her ex do? When confronted with boundaries, toxic people usually insist, but when they can't break them down, they often end up leaving. Kylie shares her story, how she realised something was amiss, how she coped, and how setting boundaries without realising that her partner was toxic led to him deciding to leave the relationship. Join us for a fascinating conversation about blindspots and how "wanting to help someone" makes us vulnerable to narcissists and toxic people. Visit Kylie's website here: https://kylieborg.com

Index: 00:00:00 Intro and clips 00:01:40 Welcoming Kylie Borg 00:02:42 Back story 00:06:40 It is tempting to try to solve a narcissist's problems - and they exploit this! 00:12:20 Summary Transactional Analysis 00:17:20 Narcissists like to knock people down 00:26:30 Their goal is to fight 00:31:10 They claim YOU are the problem 00:41:40 Dealing with the constant threat of conflict 00:55:20 How did you move forward? 01:09:27 Tips for co-parenting 01:16:45 How did it end?

Narcissists wear us down. It's the same tactics cults use. And their programming will stay with us for years, until we undo it. So the abuse continues. Why do they do they? And what can we do?

The episode is kindly sponsored by Magic Mind, a drink that blends some well recognised mental stimulants to help increase clarity and focus, without overdoing caffeine. This is relevant because the incessant "too little sleep, too much coffee, being awake but jittery, too wound up to sleep, drinking alcohol, too little sleep" cycle makes us far more vulnerable to manipulation from narcissists - as well as just being bad for our health.

They have a special offer in January 2024, if you subscribe for 3 months, you get one month free here:

⁠https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson⁠

And if you use code RIBERSSON20, you'll get an extra 20% off.

When you first realise that someone matches the profile of a narcissist, and you tell your friends, many people will not believe you. There are some common sentences they will use to express. What basically is cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I run through 10 sentences and I share some perspectives and how to approach them.

Podcast exclusive. We can create a scale of toxicity from 0 to 10. Doing so empowers us and helps us compare what we do to what others do. I used this recently with a client who wondered if he had done something to turn his ex into a fully blown psycho who turned their children against him and destroyed his car with a baseball bat. My response: maybe. But highly unlikely. In this episode, I share some of the ideas I share with him.

When we're stressed, our personality can change. Narcissists like stressing us. That tells us... it can be helpful to dig a bit deeper ;-)

"I asked her this question. And instead of replying, she just smirked at me. She had been unmasked."

I had lunch with a woman I've known for over 25 years. I picked up on some very unpleasant behaviours that made the conversation terribly draining. She complained about her marriage but... something was off with her description. And I asked her a specific question. Instead of answering, she just smirked. I had uncovered her toxic game.

In this podcast, I share the 5 red flags - and the last one will probably shock you.

Link to the video here, do consider following on YouTube for more visuals:

https://youtu.be/1C0Axg_r21A

If you have ever tried to warn people that someone might be a narcissist or is toxic, you probably noticed it almost never works. Why is that? In this podcast exclusive episode, I share some hypothesis, as well as some suggestions that have worked more often.

Within a few minutes, I helped a client change her mindset to make a situation significantly less toxic and helped her move away from it quickly. Listen to this episode to find out how.

Narcissists hold us hostage to their unreasonable demands and behaviours. So why not learn from the FBI how to deal with these insane individuals? It won't make them sane (nothing will), but it will reduce the damage they can inflict onto you.

In part 2 of this series, I explain what you must understand about the interaction, and how to frame it to reduce the risk they walk all over you.

In the video, you'll see diagrams that help illustrate the ideas. You can watch the video (and many others) on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DBv9iXl-4GQ

And subscribe on YouTube at www.youtube.com/c/fribersson

#npd #narcissism #narcissist

Dogmatic people refuse to change their minds about topics. However, until we realise this, we can assume people are open to new facts or blind spots. But it's exhausting and dishonest. After all, if people are certain they are 100% right about everything all of the time (1 chance in a million), the probability we can change their mind is... 0%.

So just say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you're dogmatic about this." And if they say they are not, well, then things get fun.

As always, thanks for tuning in! Hope everyone is well!

It is increasingly common for people to think like narcissists. And until we're aware of what that looks like, there is a risk we do too. We know narcissists have a simplistic view of the world. Here is how you can spot a "narclogic view", why it is nonsense, how you can debunk it (if you need to) and how you can avoid getting caught up in exhausting narcissist games.

#narcissism #manipulation #npd #narcissist

We can choose to aim upwards - narcissists will aim downwards, and try to drag everyone down with them.

Narcissists are about as reasonable as hostage takers. Though perhaps less so. However, we can learn some techniques from FBI hostage negotiators that help us get better outcomes when dealing with narcissists.

Watch the conversation on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/y92Didt7WH8

What if "repressing emotions" was the mistake that makes us vulnerable to narcissists? And, even if we avoid them, doesn't it just pollute our lives?

My colleague and friend Yana Govorit (https://www.instagram.com/yanagovorit/), myself and other colleagues worked with hundreds of people during the FourE festival in Almaty, Kazakhstan. We saw multiple cases of people with repressed anger and sadness, closed hearts, and dissatisfaction in their lives.

In this interview, we speak of emotions, the consequences of repressing them, why we repress them, differences in how relationships are perceived in the West and in Central Asia, finding balance, narcissists, healthy boundaries and far more.

Having spent time in Central Asia, I find this group of therapists approaches life with far less "noise" than we do in the West. Their approach has helped me see and think more clearly, be more aligned with myself, and in turn help others. Without them, I would not have been able to articulate any of the ideas in these videos.

Whereas most speak little English, Yana is fluent. I am please to share this conversation with you. Enjoy the Truth Bombs she drops!  And let me know in the comments what stood out to you. As always, liking, subscribing and commenting really helps the algorithm notice this content - and I appreciate everyone supporting this channel.  Thank you!   #emotions #relationship #narcissist #npd

How can a simple 0 to 10 scale help us have a better Christmas, even with narcissists? How can it help us manage our expectations, get less wound up, and maybe even make things better? Tune in to find out. And a Very Merry Christmas to you!

Narcissists often make snarky remarks and claim they are "only joking". We might be tempted to believe them. But there is an objective method to determine if what they say actually qualified as a joke. Or if it is just being mean. Tune in to find out what this method is.

Here is a sneak preview of some ideas I explore in the book I am writing on narcissism. I finally found an angle I think is relevant and would love to hear what you think. I list the 11 mistakes below.

And if you'd like to accelerate your healing process, why not see if the Healing After Narcissists course might be helpful? It comes with a money back guarantee: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com

The mistakes are:

1. Wanting to diagnose

2. Wanting to understand

3. Wanting to fix them

4. Wanting to not see the obvious

5. Wanting to believe it's our fault, i.e. it's fixable and it's something we did

6. Wanting to always learn more (become obsessed)

7. Wanting to not let go

8. Wanting to believe someone has the answers

9. Wanting a simplistic answer (worldview)

10. Wanting to be validated

11. Wanting a distraction

Why don't narcissists admit when they get something wrong? There are two reasons. Until we understand them, we are likely to try to get them to see things from our point of view. That is exhausting and frustrating.

But once we understand why we can't work through things with them, it becomes easier to stop wasting our time and energy.

Narcissists and cults, whether spiritual or political, brainwash people in order to control them. Fortunately, there are certain tells that we have been brainwashed. And once we are aware of these, it becomes less hard to deprogram ourselves and start to think clearly again. This applies to narcissists in romantic relationships, at work, in NGOs, political movements, and in "spiritual groups".

I read the introduction to my upcoming book regarding common mistakes people make about narcissism, which prevent them from healing and getting their lives back on track. I share a bit of my backstory and some thoughts about why this is important.

Our personality changes between when we are relaxed, between our everyday self, and when we are stressed or overextended. Perhaps this holds a key to understanding ourselves better?

Watch the video here:

Three stories of the same #narcissist who loved artificially creating unnecessary problems in order to get attention, play victim, and extract attention from his friends. But we eventually got fed up with his BS, and reminded him of reality: if anyone could complain in a situation, it wasn't him as he was the unreasonable one.  

The situations highlighted that he didn't want solutions, he didn't want to improve things, and when offered ways to deescalate situations, he would just get upset.  

In this video, I share three (hopefully rather amusing) stories about this individual.  

If you are struggling to healing after a narcissist and could use some help, why not see whether the workshop "Healing After Narcissists" might offer something useful? 30 day money back guarantee: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com 

#npd #narcissists

Hurt people hurt people. Ok great, now what? Well, some people don't intent to hurt others. And some people intend to hurt others, with glee, and blame their victims for "forcing them to hurt them".

We often wonder why narcissists don't change. It seems illogical, yet it is what we observe. But... why would they change?

Here are some thoughts on why they don't - and why we don't want to change either.

A nice "focus boosting" drink called Magic Mind with many healthy incredients has a special offer in January, which you can find here:

https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson

And if you use the code RIBERSSON20, you'll get another 20% off your order. I tried and enjoy this drink (who are kindly sponsoring some episodes, though not this one), so am happy to mention it to my audience.

Dr Heidi Brocke realised she was married to a narcissist. They had children. She took the incredibly difficult decision to leave, and leave her children with their father. Why? And what happened? (Spoiler: things turned out well).

Now she helps people identify and escape toxic relationships. In this conversation, we discuss our observations around dynamics, share helpful ideas, and more. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed interviewing Heidi.

You can find more information about her here: https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/

And listen to her podcast here:

https://open.spotify.com/show/0Fu2MfK3dA7lb21IngEJyc

And a nice "focus boosting" drink called Magic Mind with many healthy incredients has a special offer in January, which you can find here:

https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson

And if you use the code RIBERSSON20, you'll get another 20% off your order. I tried and enjoy this drink (who are kindly sponsoring some episodes, though not this one), so am happy to mention it to my audience.

Narcissists will take advantage of any trait we possess. And when we view a trait as "positive", we are even more vulnerable to them taking advantage of us.  Watch on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/w5rotcE5cvQ

Once we understand which traits are common to "empaths", we can observe how narcissists take advantage of this, as it makes people easier to manipulate.

I came across this picture of "12 Signs you are an empath" and, when we use the narcissist filter, it highlights ways "empaths" are vulnerable to narcissists.

While the "empath" filter is helpful to recognise traits that we might otherwise miss, its utility is limited. However, once we learn to "tone down" a bit how these signs manifest themself, we make it easier to avoid being manipulated by narcissists and other malignant people.

If you believe you might be an empath, whether or not you have encountered narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths, it might be safer to be aware of these traits, to reduce your vulnerability.

If you found this helpful, you might enjoy the workshop "Healing After Narcissists: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com - with a 30 day money back guarantee.

#empath #npd #narcissist

Dealing with toxic people can drive us crazy as they suck us into their insanity - however it is possible to beat them at their game.

Use these five tips to keep the upper hand.

Using the pond metaphor makes it easier to stop putting up with toxic people's pollution of our lives.

Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time with our loved ones. But all it takes is one narcissist to spoil this time. Here are a few tips to remember to decrease the likelihood they wind you up and ruin your Christmas.

And Merry Christmas, and thank you for following this podcast!

Watch on YouTube here so you don't miss out on all the visuals.

We can drive narcissists mad using self-care and logic. In this video, I'll show you how. Toxic people want to make our life worse. So self-care makes narcissists furious, because it prevents them from harming us. Narcissists also hate logic, because logic prevents them from simply imposing their will on others.

So when we combine self-care and logic, narcissists go mad, they can't argue, they are rendered powerless - and we reduce the risk of being manipulated by narcissists and other toxic people.  And furthermore, self-care IS the only logical way to behave IF we want a healthy life. Maybe narcissists can even help us choose a healthy life?

So what are the benefits? - a healthier life - boring narcissists out of our life (ultimate narcissist repellant) - the immature satisfaction of seeing them get upset because we start respecting ourselves - developing healthier boundaries.

#npd #narcissist #narcissism

We know that narcissists are *like* vampires, but what if they actually literally were vampires (minus their ability to turn into bats - although we don't really know what they do when we are not looking...)?

Maybe, if we knew that they sucked away our energy, drained our focus and life, and ultimately attempted to turn US into undead, maybe then we would be more careful around vampires? I mean narcissists.

Maybe, if we took seriously tales that warn us of the monsters inside of us, maybe then we would be less vulnerable to attacks by these monsters?

Maybe the Vampire stories are warnings that we did not heed.

And maybe, if we see the commonalities between narcissists and vampires, we will learnt to take the threat of narcissists more seriously, so that we can beat narcissists, escape from narcissists and - last but not least - heal from narcissists?

How do you deal with narcissists over Christmas and other holidays?

Sometimes we feel stuck with narcissists, whether partners, family members, or partners of family members. So, what can we do to limit the damage they can cause during holidays?

This episode is available on the YouTube channel with full visual illustrations to help make sense. Here is the link:

https://youtu.be/PLNn2lzd1B0

Narcissists conflate us describing things as they are, with saying how we want things to be. Using this simple picnic metaphor can help us avoid this trap.

Narcissists despite their partners. Especially if the partner leaves them. This can be baffling. But there is a very, very logical reason for this.

Narcissists believe they are literally "1 in a million". So, what does this really mean? Join us to find out.

Narcissists hide their manipulation behind word salad that sounds like logic, but that does not resist the test of logic. In this episode, I give some examples of how to take apart faulty logic, and show why this logic is... illogical at best, and dishonest at worst.

To watch the full video, with sketches and all, you can tune in to YouTube here: https://youtube.com/live/fGY4iHqRmhc

Hoovering might just be a blessing in disguise. Here's a simple technique to fight it effectively.

I went to an event and it was weird. One person was being hyper negative, hijacked the event, made people uncomfortable - and some "flying monkeys" encouraged it.

Regardless of the details, we can learn from dynamics and hopefully help you avoid the same type of uncomfortable situation in the future by helping you be prepared.

I share two stories of meeting people and they did something that was really off, signalling with high probability they might be narcissists. Or at least jerks and really unpleasant to be around. I share both stories and observations.

Narcissists count on us to politely fill the blanks. And they like to be obnoxious to trigger us. But what happens when we don't do what they want, and do this instead?

When we climb a mountain, we accept and embrace progress. But perfectionism focuses on "you're not yet at the top", making anything other than 100% a failure, regardless of progress. Perfectibility is a more helpful concept as it focuses on reducing the distance with our goal - and enjoying the process.

Narcissists exhaust us. Why? Because they always want attention. That means they don't let us have any space for building anything meaningful. And, as we fail to progress, they probably get frustrated with the fact that we're stagnating, and are oblivious that it is largely because of their behaviour and drama. A bit like trying to full a bucket with holes in it.

So, we can decide what future we want, and whether it is even possible to get that future with them.

#npd #narcissism #narcissist

We all have fears, and some fear are actually quite common. Once we realise this, we see how narcissists will exploit different fears in different people. And, doing so, it is common for narcissists to be able to control people, with minimum effort. Once we realise these fears, we can actually protect ourselves more easily for malignant manipulative "people" who want to use others for their own benefit, or simply their own amusement.

Conversation with CBT Therapist Josh Goldberg

Though we don't control 100% of our lives, we control more than 0.0% of them. Getting away (and staying away) from narcissists is easier when we make some changes that seem small, but add up. Even in the the worst situations, there are some things we can do. In this episode I share 10 of these tips.

The episode is kindly sponsored by Magic Mind, a drink that blends some well recognised mental stimulants to help increase clarity and focus, without overdoing caffeine. This is relevant because the incessant "too little sleep, too much coffee, being awake but jittery, too wound up to sleep, drinking alcohol, too little sleep" cycle makes us far more vulnerable to manipulation from narcissists - as well as just being bad for our health.

They have a special offer in January 2024, if you subscribe for 3 months, you get one month free here:

https://www.magicmind.com/JANfrederikribersson

And if you use code RIBERSSON20, you'll get an extra 20% off.

How do find a partner? Make sure you do these two things (in this order).

(Old episode, reuploading)

Psychometrics can be key in understanding ourselves in general. However, they become particularly illuminating when we seek to understand toxic dynamics with narcissists. I was delighted to interview Dr Stewart Desson, CEO and Founder of Lumina Learning, the psychometrics tool I use with my clients. A few features I particularly like with Lumina are: - a breakdown into 8 aspects of personality - each divided in 24 qualities - each divided into three "personas": when we are relaxed, how ever are everyday, and when we are stressed - aspects and qualities are NOT mutually exclusive: we can score high both on introversion AND extraversion, or on logic AND empathy. I hope you enjoy this interview - I found Stewart fascinating. To learn more about Lumina Learning and the free Splash app (low resolution portrait), visit: https://luminalearning.com