BLUE MUMDAYS (Vikki Stephenson)

I speak to Emily Goldhill about what it was like to have her baby during the height of the Covid pandemic in 2020. From her husband not being able to attend scans, to a lack of support and activities during the early months, it heavily contributed to her developing postnatal depression. Becoming a new parent can be isolating and lonely at the best of the times, so I can't imagine how hard it must have felt during lockdown.

*Apologies for the audio quality on this episode, thanks in part to a dodgy Zoom connection and an overzealous Siamese cat called Brandy *

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Introduction to Emily Goldhill

[02:23] Navigating starting nursery and the return to work

[04:29] Emily's life before pregnancy

[05:40] Falling pregnant at the start of the Covid 19 pandemic

[07:32] Not being able to have her husband attend the scans

[09:26] How this affected Emily's mental health

[12:26] Early awareness of Covid - how it altered Emily's experience of being pregnant

[15:53] Expectations of what pregnancy 'should be like' vs. lived experience

[20:34] Giving birth in the pandemic. "My husband basically missed the birth" - not being listened to during labour

[26:45] The impact this had on Emily's postnatal illness

[28:57] Taking baby Ernie home for the first time

[30:41] More than the baby blues - "I can't do this"

[33:15] Emily's lack of a support network, due to the Pandemic

[35:10] How Covid 'cancelled' their first family Christmas

[36:44] Feelings of guilt and inadequacy - "they'd be better off without me"

[39:37] Trying to get support - talking therapy

[40:38] Not being seen as a pregnant mother due to Covid - lack of baby groups etc.

[42:25] The dangers of social media and Googling for new mums

[46:25] Starting to recover - feeling more in control

[47:35] Thinking about the return to work

[48:45] How being out and about again in the world more has helped

[50:58] How every baby and every mother is different - there is no set way of doing things.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Transitions like the start of nursery or the return to work can cause anxiety for any parent, so if you feel your symptoms being triggered by change, then you are not alone.
• How being pregnant during Covid can make you feel robbed of the experience you thought you might or should have had.
• It's good to have your partner or someone who can advocate for you at the birth, to ensure you feel listened to during your labour.
• The need to be 'seen' during your pregnancy - how this can impact on your experience of becoming a new mum.
• It can be dangerous to compare yourself to other mums and your approaches to motherhood - especially on social media.
• Beware of obsessive Googling - there is no right way of doing things (instead a lot of different approaches) and the conflicting information can be overwhelming.
• Every baby and every mother is different, and with time you'll set your own rhythm. Believe in yourself and your instincts. You will get to know your baby better than anyone.
• Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale

 If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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For this Blue MumDays special celebrating Down Syndrome Awareness Day, I'm joined by the beautiful Jannah Hayah. Jannah talks to me about life with her gorgeous son Musa, who is 5. Musa has Down Syndrome, hearing loss and is fed via a feeding tube. Jannah is passionate about wanting the world to know that while a life living with disability can have its challenges, the struggle comes with incredible rewards. It's a wonderfully life-affirming conversation.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth trauma and a very brief mention of feelings of suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:25] Introduction to Jannah and Musa.

[04:43] Judgement on Jannah looking well presented - double standard for women.

[11:08] Life before Musa. Transitioning into a mum with her older children.

[12:59] Musa's traumatic birth. Receiving the diagnosis of Down Syndrome.

[19:47] The damage of the words that were used.

[23:18] The need to take your time to accept and find peace with the diagnosis.

[26:01] How Musa has shaped Jannah into the woman she is today.

[27:36] The hugely positive affect Musa has had on his older siblings.

[31:54] The social model of disability - the need for society to be more accessible and inclusive for all.

[36:50] How people 'give up' making an effort as soon as they hear Musa is disabled.

[38:25] How Musa is determined and finds his own way in the world.

[41:19] Lack of support and information for Jannah at the time of the birth.

[43:54] Musa's difficulties feeding, due to low muscle tone.

[47:32] Being dismissed and ignored when asking for help.

[49:23] Hitting rock bottom. Discovering local group Jolly Josh - an absolute lifeline.

[53:37] Meeting the dietician - having the feeding tube properly explained to her.

[55:56] How Jannah's culture and religion perceives people with impairments and conditions.

[57:43] Musa's legacy - educating the world on inclusion.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow Jannah and Musa's Instagram or Twitter Feed for endless positivity and inspiration and to learn more about Musa’s journey.
2. Jannah is an Ambassador for Making Chromosomes Count, a challenging, thought-provoking and inclusive non-profit magazine exploring the fascinating kaleidoscope that is Down Syndrome.
3. The Down's Syndrome Association is a national organisation, committed to improving the quality of life of people who have Down’s Syndrome, promoting their right to be included on a full and equal basis with others. 
4. NHS information on Down's Syndrome – click on this link for more information about the condition, where people are born with an extra chromosome.
5. Cristina at DiffAbility Charity is the amazing mum who delivers free ‘Welcome to the World’ packs to new parents in hospitals, welcoming and offering support to babies with Down Syndrome. Diff-Ability is a charity creating to create events and opportunities for people with disabilities, learning disabilities, Autism and neurodiverity to engage in with their families and friends.

In a Movember male-mental-health special, this week I chat to Professor Viren Swami. Viren is Professor of Social Psychology at Anglia Ruskin University and is ranked in the top 2% of 'most-cited scientists' in the world. Viren's research is focused on the promotion of positive body image in diverse cultural groups, as well as mental health literacy and understandings of mental ill-health.

His work has moved on to include paternal postnatal depression following Viren's own struggles with fatherhood. He talks to me very candidly and movingly about the effects of suffering from PND after the birth of his son. Not to be missed.

*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and feelings of Suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:59] Introducing Viren.

[02:54] Viren before his son came along.

[03:27] The abstract concept of 'having a baby'.

[04:44] Viren's work in mental health literacy.

[06:02] How men often put off seeking help.

[07:04] Highlight to other relevant episodes from S1 - Mark Williams, Elliott Rae and Dr Andy Mayers.

[07:27] It's a myth that men don't suffer from postnatal depression - 8-12% of first-time fathers do.

[08:13] Applying the term 'postnatal depression' to men can often make people less understanding, due to the misconception they are taking emphasis away from women.

[09:42] During the pregnancy, Viren felt estranged and 'not part of the process'.

[10:26] The birth itself - an unexpected and traumatic birth at home.

[12:20] Holding his son for the first time - feelings of numbness and not wanting to be there.

[15:09] The overwhelming responsibility of having a tiny human being and not knowing what to do.

[15:50] Problems with sleep.

[19:30] Viren's wife's experience - worrying about Viren on top of being a new mum.

[20:48] Issues with Jesse not feeding. Feelings of helplessness and not being able to 'fix' things.

[23:16] Struggling to function normally. Feelings of shame.

[24:21] Research study demonstrated the difference in how people perceived PND in mums and fathers.

[25:23] Keeping his feelings hidden.

[27:44] The devastating consequences of men suffering from postnatal depression.

[29:18] Depression doesn't get better on its own - the importance of talking.

[30:15] Internalising the depression, "there's nothing wrong with me!"

[31:04] Once opening up to a health visitor and being shut down.

[33:42] Plans for screening fathers - the need for everyone to be screened.

[35:33] Fears around being 'mentally ill' or having his son taken away.

[36:34] Feelings of anger at everything.

[37:08] "Why'd you hate me?" Irrational thoughts that Viren wasn't needed by his family. Feelings of suicide and battling himself.

[39:22] Feelings of love for Jesse didn't come till much later.

[41:17] The turning point - a letter from his wife and a visit to his GP.

[43:55] Advice for dads going through it right now. The affect of non-help-seeking on your family.

[46:33] Getting better isn't a linear process - there will be many ups and downs along the way.

[48:39] Realising that 'it's not your fault'.

[50:10] Playing with Jesse in front of his psychotherapist and being told that he was a good parent.

[52:00] Falling in love with his son and learning how to 'parent'.

[53:14] Breaking the fear of taking his son out on his own.

[55:06] The brilliance of baby cinema, like the Picturehouse's 'Big Scream'.

[56:03] The difficulty 'rationalising' those intrusive thoughts.

[56:28] The potential to be depressed after the birth of a child exists in everyone.

[57:29] So many people go through this experience - it...

In this powerful Christmas episode, Anna Kent - a humanitarian aid worker, NHS nurse and midwife - reflects on her experiences working in some of the world's most challenging environments, including South Sudan, Haiti and Bangladesh. She offers an intimate look at the difficulties of providing maternity care in conflict zones and refugee camps, shedding light on the trauma faced by women in these regions.

Anna speaks candidly about her personal journey, the emotional toll of working in these high-stress situations and her mission to ensure all women have access to gold-standard maternity care. She opens up about her struggles with PTSD and the challenges of reintegrating into normal life after such intense work.

This episode is a moving testament to Anna's resilience, compassion and dedication to advocating for women's health rights in the direst circumstances. An inspiring and sobering reminder of the ongoing fight for equitable maternity care worldwide.

*Trigger Warning* Birthing in extreme situations, birth trauma, maternal loss, baby loss and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:20] Introducing Anna Kent, the 'Frontline Midwife'.

[04:46] Anna's journey to humanitarian work.

[08:35] Her first mission - the challenges and realities of working in South Sudan.

[11:11] Honouring the Lady on the Plane. The importance of telling women's stories.

[17:12] James: Anna's larger-than-life colleague.

[20:10] Life and work in Tam, South Sudan.

[25:54] Everyone deserves gold access to maternity care.

[30:33] Encounter with a black mamba!

[31:26] Life in a tent: a different perspective.

[32:53] The struggle of returning home.

[33:13] The harsh realities of humanitarian work - trauma and being scared to share.

[34:44] Hitting rock bottom.

[36:55] Missions to Haiti and Bangladesh - responsible for 30,000 Rohingya refugees.

[38:51] Feelings of powerlessness.

[39:44] The impact of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Flashbacks.

[42:43] Seeking help - finding solace in Buddhism and therapy.

[48:51] The pressure to save every life. Moral injury.

[54:42] Parenting and self-awareness.

1. Key Takeaways:
2. Anna Kent's Instagram page to find out more about Anna and her work.
3. Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) provide vital medical care and humanitarian assistance to victims of conflict, natural disasters, epidemics or healthcare exclusion in more than 70 countries.
4. What To Expect article on Cephalopelvic Disproportion (C.P.D.), a condition where the baby's head or body is too large to fit through the mother's pelvis.
5. Blue MumDays Episode 17 'When Birth Leads to Trauma', with Dr. Rebecca Moore of Make Birth Better.
6. MIND Charity information on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), a mental health problem you may develop after experiencing traumatic...

As a special bonus for 'Blue Monday', wellbeing specialist Justin Eade of Glimpse ~ Moving Well shares 3 quick tips for making the most of a walk. He explains why time outside is so beneficial to us - no matter how short - and how a gym ball can help soothe a crying baby!

Bringing together more than 25 years of experience with mind-body practices and holistic health research, Justin is also a nebosh accredited occupational health and safety specialist.

He offers tailored and accessible workshops on topics like better sleep and rest, stress and anxiety, digestion, energy levels, joy and relaxation. These can be bespoke to your personal needs and interests and delivered on a 1-2-1 or group basis, either in person or online.

Simple embodied practice & ideas to help people achieve a good work (and family) life balance.

LEARN MORE:

1. You can learn more about Justin and his work here: Glimpse Moving Well
2. Twitter @glimpsei / Facebook / Pinterest.
3. Get in touch: justin@glimpseinteractive.co.uk / +44(0)7946519835

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

MUSIC by Joseph McDade

Dr Andrew Mayers joins me for the final episode of Season 1. He's an academic psychologist specialising in - and campaigning for - better maternal and paternal mental health. We discuss MBUs, bonding issues suffered by some parents with perinatal illness, mum guilt, postpartum psychosis and the impact sleep deprivation has on mental health issues. We also cover the mental health of fathers and inequalities suffered by black and ethnic minority mums and LGBTQ+ parents within the perinatal health system.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BONDING ISSUES/BIRTH TRAUMA/POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:27] Introduction to Dr Andrew Mayers and his work.

[05:14] Mother & Baby Units - what they do.

[07:54] The '1001 Critical Days' of a child's development - from pregnancy till age 2.

[11:57] Bonding issues - not the mum's fault.

[16:14] What perinatal illnesses do to the parent.

[17:45] The supposed 'rush of love'/baby blues - the role of hormones after birth.

[19:20] The difference between 'normal' depression and postnatal depression.

[20:55] The role of grief or loss within PND. Traumatic births.

[23:24] Managing expectations vs. reality during pregnancy.

[25:15] Postpartum Psychosis.

[28:23] Maternal OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

[30:23] Advice for families and friends - how they can help.

[34:49] The massive link between sleep deprivation and mental health.

[36:15] Advice for parents who are sleep deprived.

[37:39] Fathers can get postnatal depression too.

[43:23] Looking ahead - what Andy wants to see happen.

[45:48] Different types of family - we need to be more inclusive for same sex and trans parents.

[48:05] Inequalities experienced by black and ethnic minority parents within the perinatal health system.

[50:14] Advice for anyone worried about a loved one or suffering themselves and worried about seeking help.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. andrewmayers.uk - further information on Andy and his work.
2. '1001 Critical Days' report - The first 1001 days include pregnancy and the first two years of a child's life. There is clear, compelling evidence that this is a significant and influential phase in development. This is an age of opportunity. What happens during this period lays the foundation for every child’s future health, wellbeing, learning and earnings potential. It sets the groundwork for children’s developing emotional wellbeing, resilience and adaptability; the competencies they need to thrive.
3. DorPiP - Support for families in Dorset. Andy is a trustee.
4. Blue MumDays Ep 1: Liz Wise (bonding) - a reassuring listen for any parents who struggle to bond with their baby. We chat to both Liz and her adult daughter Emma, who Liz struggled to bond with when she was a baby.
5. When Birth Leads To Trauma - Episode dedicated to understanding Birth Trauma with Dr. Rebecca Moore.
6. Action on Postpartum Psychosis - Action on Postpartum Psychosis is the national charity for women and families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP).

A soothing, restorative 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation, to help you relax and reset.

Created especially for us by Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8, this practice has self-compassion at its heart.

As a new mum I suffered terribly from self-criticism, anxiety, negative thoughts and insomnia - this is what I wished I'd had back then.

You can listen any time, as many times as you need - whenever you want to take 15 minutes out, just for yourself. To soothe and calm, or even help you to unwind and sleep.

For those times at 3am when you feel like you're the only one awake. Or those times when baby is asleep but you are too wired or fretful to sleep yourself.

There is no right or wrong way to do this meditation. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep - in fact, great! - and it doesn't matter if thoughts start flooding into your mind. This is normal - just let them come and go, passing like clouds.

YOU DESERVE THIS.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

SOUNDSCAPE by Matthew Stephenson, https://www.mattjstep.com/

 If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 6 we chat further with Poonam on practical tips for developing self-compassion.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: info@apni.org

Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides

24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL: My mum is a warrior - she has not had an easy life. From an early career as an Astronomer Royal's Personal Computer at Herstmonceux, mum had to give this up to follow my dad's job. After multiple miscarriages she experienced pre-eclampsia, a traumatic birth and PTSD with my brother Graham. His disability wasn't properly diagnosed until he was 37.

I came along 2 and a half years later and mum suffered postnatal depression for the second time - an illness that received no support or understanding back then. The family moved to rural Scotland when I was 4, where she nursed me throughout my childhood with life-threatening asthma and a rare blood disorder. She also nursed my brother through teenage lymph cancer and my dad through multiple heart attacks.

Mum was prescribed arsenic by her family GP as a child, which left her with life-long skin cancer - she's had over 60 surgeries and counting. She survived breast cancer in her '50s and developed end stage kidney failure in her '70s. Despite chronic pain and poor health, Nina is still remarkably strong, very kind and extremely loving. It's an honour to call her my mum.

This conversation, recorded a few months ago, was the first time we really talked about her own experience of PND. She's a very private person, so I am endlessly grateful for her going back to revisit those dark times in the hopes of helping others.

Since this was recorded, my brother has had a very serious heart attack. Thanks to the quick actions of both my mum and the ambulance service, he survived and is now recovering well. I'd like to dedicate this episode to him.

*TRIGGER WARNING: MISCARRIAGE, BIRTH TRAUMA AND A BRIEF MENTION OF STILLBIRTH*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:15] Introduction to Nina Spilsted - my lovely mum!

[03:17] The lack of knowledge and support for PND in the 1960s and 70s.

[03:42] 3 miscarriages and then pregnant with Graham. Enforced rest and a very clinical approach, unsmiling approach in hospital. Pre-eclampsia and bed rest.

[04:40] Induced then a 27 hour labour. Feelings of trauma.

[05:33] No support for her multiple baby losses - expectation to 'carry on as normal'. Feelings of failure - "why can't I have a baby?"

[07:24] Bed rest and monitoring of the baby. Ignorance about birth and babies. Lack of family support and no baby groups.

[08:37] Sent to a cottage hospital after the birth, for recuperation. Lack of information on discharge - "I didn't know what a health visitor was". Lack of support from her own mum - "nothing was ever discussed".

[10:04] Graham's birth - trauma. Feelings of fear and loneliness.

[11:39] Difficulty bonding with him at first.

[12:59] Total exhaustion and overwhelm. Lack of the 'euphoric' moment when Graham arrived.

[14:39] Going home with her baby - struggles. Lack of support from her mother and husband.

[15:59] Difficulty breastfeeding - feelings of guilt and failure.

[18:57] The need to be kind to yourself as a mother.

[20:10] Realising she needed help. Sheer exhaustion - holding down a job as well as being a new mum.

[21:42] Medicated by the doctor - not being able to remember much of that period. No knowledge of postnatal depression.

[24:26] Suspicions that Graham may not be developing as he should be.

[27:59] Another baby loss then pregnant with me. Flashbacks from Graham's traumatic birth caused great anxiety.

[30:37] PND, great anxiety and the grief of losing another baby in between.

[33:07] Pre-eclampsia for the second time and mum's experience of my birth.

[37:32] Retreating into herself - feelings of agrophobia.

[39:31] Finding a 'bonus for the day'. Gradual recovery.

[41:05]...

To mark 'Eating Disorder Awareness Week', I'm joined by Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder.  Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.

This episode was recorded last spring - since then, I'm happy to report that Hope had a beautiful healthy baby boy, who has been accompanying her on much of her campaigning work. Both he and Hope are doing well.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Disordered Eating and very brief mention of Sexual Abuse*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:35 ] Introduction to Hope Virgo.

[04:58] Hope's eating disorder - a coping mechanism for childhood trauma.

[06:44] The pressure put on women when they are pregnant.

[08:51] What prompted Hope's eating disorder.

[12:11] What support might be available for Hope after having her baby.

[13:01] Breastfeeding pressure.

[17:30] The need to be your own advocate.

[19:06] Eating disorders affect more people than you think, many of whom suffer in silence.

[20:38] Mixed support - the need for education.

[21:56] Navigating eating when you're pregnant.

[25:00] Societal pressure - the size of your bump, the pressure to 'snap back' after birth, how much and what you are eating.

[31:51] The potential affect of eating disorders on fertility - loss of periods.

[33:12] Using exercise to numb emotions.

[36:32] Hope's campaigning work.

[41:23] Advice for anyone affected by disordered eating or exercise addiction.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow and support Hope's campaigning via her Instagram and Twitter feeds. You can also get in touch with her via LinkedIn.
2. It's a myth that eating disorders are about vanity - they are much more complex than that.
3. 16% of pregnant women have experienced an eating disorder. 50% of them will relapse within a year of delivery.
4. Eating disorders claim more lives than any other mental illness.
5. Eating disorders can affect anybody and everybody - you don't have to look like you have an eating disorder to be suffering from one. They don't only affect thin people or white teenage girls.
6. You can access support and information through Beat Eating Disorders, the UK's Eating Disorder charity.
7. Find out about the Bristol Eating Disorders Health Integration Team here. Click this link to read and download their Eating Disorders Support Resources Guide.
8. Click this link to read Abigail Reynolds' guest blog for the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, Eating Disorders and the perinatal period.
9. Support and sign Hope's

My guest this week is Dr Hannah Short, a GP Specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. (Premature Ovarian Insufficiency) and Premenstrual Disorders. In this fascinating episode, Hannah educates me on P.O.I., P.M.D.D. (Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), Endometriosis and P.M.E. (Premenstrual Exacerbation). She also talks about her own experience of premature surgical menopause at the age of 35.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Very brief mention of some women feeling suicidal feelings*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:15 ] Introduction to Dr Hannah Short.

[03:23] Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (P.O.I.) - early menopause below the age of 40.

[06:52] Treatments available for P.O.I.

[07:56] H.R.T. or Hormone Replacement Therapy.

[11:17] Hannah's interest in this area - personal experience of premature surgical menopause.

[16:11] The impact of not having children - the way society treats women without children.

[20:25] The symptoms of premature surgical menopause.

[22:41] Feeling a sense of loss at missing out on her youth due to illness.

[26:23] The power of podcasts and talking openly, especially as a G.P. (General Practitioner)

[27:37] Pre-menstrual disorders - P.M.D.D. (Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder).

[38:48] Endometriosis - what it is and what help is available.

[43:22] Feelings of rage.

[46:33] The effects of calming the autonomic nervous system - exercise, anti-inflammatory diets and meditation.

[51:05] The lack of recognition for these issues - stigma and taboo.

[54:05] Advice for women badly affected by hormones - tracking your symptoms.

[56:01] Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation (P.M.E.)

[57:33] The importance of psychological support.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow this link to access Dr Hannah Short's website – Hannah is a G.P. specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. and Premenstrual Disorders. 
2. You can order Hannah’s book The Complete Guide to P.O.I. and Early Menopause via this link.
3. Click this link for NHS information on Early Menopause and P.O.I. (Primary Ovarian Insufficiency). POI is classed as menopause before the age of 40. Latest statistics suggest 3-4% of women across the globe or affected.
4. You can read NHS information on  HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) here.
5. Click here to read a patient leaflet on Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (P.M.S.) from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.
6. P.M.D.D. or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder is a hormone insensitivity affects around 5-8% of women as well as trans men, anyone who was born with ovaries. You can access Mind information on PMDD by clicking on this link.
7. International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) follow this link for a lifeline of support, information and resources for women and AFAB individuals with P.M.D.D. and Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation...

Kavita Trevena, founder of The Unlikely Mummy, shares her profoundly personal motherhood journey, including gestational diabetes, postnatal depression and being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after two stressful births. Kavita also talks about a lack of openness around mental health issues in her culture, and a general lack of support for South Asian mums within maternal care services.

Kavita discusses her community-driven initiatives such as The Unlikely Mummy blog, counselling services, exercise therapies, and wellness activities designed to support mothers.

Far from being a heavy listen, Kavita was a joy to speak to and our positive conversation underlines a message of hope, resilience, and the importance of creating supportive networks for mothers.

*Trigger Warning* Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:01] Introducing Kavita Trevena: founder of 'The Unlikely Mummy'.

[04:30] From being told she couldn't have children to a honeymoon baby - Kavita's journey through pregnancy.

[06:34] Discovery and challenges of Gestational Diabetes.

[13:16] The birth experience - an emergency caesarean.

[20:44] Postpartum struggles and support.

[23:16] Creating 'The Unlikely Mummy' community.

[28:34] Being diagnosed with PND (Postnatal Depression).

[31:04] The need for more support for mums. Growing the Unlikely Mummy to provide community support and specialist services.

[34:22] Running for the cause: The Big Half Marathon, raising funds for a Forest School, counselling and lactation consultant sessions.

[36:37] Starting a walking club for mums.

[40:14] Kavita's second pregnancy: psoriasis and setting up support in advance.

[43:10] Diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for her first birth.

[47:19] Cultural barriers and lack of support for South Asian mums.

[55:23] The Unlikely Mummy: future plans and support.

[01:01:45] Final thoughts and encouragement.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Unlikely Mummy's Insta page. 
2. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal condition that affects women of reproductive age and is a leading cause of infertility. NHS information on Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It’s believed 1 in 10 women may suffer from PCOS.
3. UK Government information on Gestational Diabetes, a type of diabetes that occurs only during pregnancy. Gestational diabetes can cause health problems in both mother and baby. Support is available from Gestational Diabetes UK.
4. Dr. Hannah Short is a doctor who specialises in menopause and premenstrual disorders. Dr. Hannah Short's website. Listen to Hannah's episode:  Blue MumDays S2 Ep31: 'The one About Hormones: POI, PMDD, Endometriosis + PME.
5. Postnatal depression is depression that happens after you've had a baby. It can range from mild to severe and is more common than you think. Up to 1 in 7 mums are affected and up to 1 in 10 dads.

Wellbeing Practitioner Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 talks self-compassion and being kind to yourself, in the first part of this 'Blue Monday' special.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:17] Introduction to Poonam Dhuffer

[01:20] What actually is self-compassion?

[05:05] The research behind the theory

[06:10] The danger of negative self-talk - the 'Hag'!

[07:40] Poonam's own experience - anxiety and panic attacks

[09:50] Words have power and energy

[11:37] Comparison culture - competitive parenting / striving for perfection

[13:21] We're not taught about emotional regulation

[16:44] Reframing - opportunities for growth and learning

[19:31] It's an ongoing process, let the feelings flow

[21:00] The 3 core components of self-compassion (Dr Kristin Neff)

[23:44] Cultivating Mindfulness

[25:13] The affect on our body

[30:52] How 'being in the now' helps anxiety

[32:48] Control

[34:20] Focus on the good stuff

[36:07] Being true to what's right for you

[40:18] YOU ARE ENOUGH

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Looking after yourself is not an act of selfishness or weakness.
2. If we can't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others?
3. Dr. Kristin Neff - https://self-compassion.org/ / TED talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
4. The 3 core components of self-compassion: Self Kindness over Self Judgement, Common Humanity vs. Isolation and Mindfulness over Identification.
5. Thoughts are like passing clouds, we are not defined by them or our emotions.
6. Words are powerful - they can have a profound affect on your body. Make sure yours are positive and kind.
7. The more you practice self-compassion, the more habitual it becomes.
8. Get in touch with Poonam Dhuffer here - https://www.ysm8.co.uk/

 If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 6 we chat further with Poonam on practical tips for developing self-compassion.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk

I talk to inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery, on her own experience of PND. In Part 2 we'll discuss how she's on a mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression. But in this episode we learn how hard it was for Naomi navigating early motherhood, following a traumatic birth.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:17] Introduction to Naomi Buffery.

[00:48] Naomi before pregnancy - generalised anxiety.

[03:56] Finding out she was pregnant - "I'm going to fix myself with him".

[05:14] The 'perfect' mum - putting pressure on ourselves.

[07:25] When expectations don't match reality - comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals.

[09:22] Today's mums - lack of family support/societal pressure/the danger of Google.

[12:52] Concerns about developing PND - Naomi's previous breakdown, losing her mum early.

[15:46] The birth - being induced. Feelings of trauma. Knocked out on drugs.

[18:56] Not being listened to during the birth.

[20:40] Grieving for the birth you never had. Feeling numb.

[22:15] How this impacted on her decision not to have another child.

[26:45] The need for mums to put themselves first.

[27:21] After the birth - mood swings. Feeling alone.

[30:18] Coming home - overwhelm. Breastfeeding difficulties.

[36:50] Feeling like a failure for giving up breastfeeding.

[37:51] Going to baby groups when you don't want to leave the house.

[40:51] Feelings of being judged.

[42:54] Bonding issues - how Naomi worked hard to build that bond, without the 'rush of love'.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. We mums put ourselves under tremendous pressure to be perfect, yet parenting is chaotic - besides, you can't be perfect at something you've never done before!
2. Trust your own instincts - avoid obsessive Google-ing (it can make you feel anxious) and believe in your own decisions. You will get to know your baby better than anyone.
3. Anxiety releases adrenalin which can inhibit oxytocin, which can in turn affect your milk supply - so if you've had a traumatic or stressful birth, don't beat yourself up if you struggle with breastfeeding. If you are finding it hard, please don't be afraid to ask for help.
4. If you want or need to stop breastfeeding, do not feel guilty. Do what's right for you.
5. If you didn't bond with your baby in the beginning, it doesn't mean it will adversely affect your relationship going forward. Society tells us to expect a rush of love, but for many parents, it's a gradual build up.
6. Pram Chorus - friendly daytime choir for parents/carers with young children.
7. Naomi's TED talk - on the need for women to be empowered during childbirth.
8. https://naomibuffery.com/ - where you can get in touch with Naomi.

 If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 5 we continue our chat with Naomi, who has used her experience to empower, mentor and emotionally prepare mums for motherhood through her work as a maternal mental health coach.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling

In this second part of Frontline Midwife Anna Kent's story, Anna talks movingly about her own experience of motherhood, from an early miscarriage to the tragic loss of her baby daughter Fatima at only 6 months gestation, due to a rare brain condition. Anna discusses the impact this had on her mental health and grief, as well as the transformative experience of having her second daughter, Aisha. Anna emphasises the importance of creating safe spaces to discuss and honour baby loss. The episode also highlights Anna's memoir, 'Frontline Midwife,' and the legacy of her late midwife friend, Helen Loewenstein.

*Trigger Warning* Miscarriage, baby loss, very brief mention of suicide.

In This Episode:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[01:47] Introducing Anna Kent

[03:25] Anna's personal journey with motherhood

[04:11] Unexpected pregnancy, distressing miscarriage

[09:21] Challenges and decisions during Anna's second pregnancy

[14:03] The birth and devastating loss of Fatima

[21:38] Coping with grief and moving forward

[23:37] Pregnant again, with Aisha

[24:59] The need for empathy and compassion in midwifery

[26:18] Concentrating on positive birth experiences

[29:16] Aisha's birth story

[31:15] Balancing grief and love, honouring Fatima's memory

[33:42] How to help a grieving parent

[40:14] The impact of writing the 'Frontline Midwife'

[45:19] Current life and reflections

Key Takeaways:

1. Anna Kent's Instagram page to find out more about Anna and her work.
2. Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) provide vital medical care and humanitarian assistance to victims of conflict, natural disasters, epidemics or healthcare exclusion in more than 70 countries.
3. A cerebral teratoma is a rare, malignant, and fast-growing tumour that originates in the brain and is made up of multiple tissues.
4. Zephyrs Charity in Nottingham supports families following pregnancy loss or the death of a baby or child.  They run a number of therapeutic support sessions for bereaved parents in the Nottingham area.
5. The Helen Loewenstein Memorial Trust was set up to honour Anna’s midwife friend Helen.   We make grants to cover course-fees and essential study expenses for student midwives in Liberia who would not otherwise have sufficient funds to become qualified midwives.
6. Listen to “It’s Not The End: Recovery After Baby Loss’ with the wonderful Keji Moses of Mayah’s Legacy.
7. Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
8. NHS on Miscarriage information.
9. The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
10. Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out...

The delightful AJ Silver joins me this week for an entertaining and very moving chat about their traumatic first birth experience, which led them to go on to train and work as a Doula. We discuss everything from the difficulties faced by same sex couples within the perinatal system, to the warmth of our pets tummies and killer flapjacks!

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:35] Introduction to AJ Silver of Queer Birth Club.

[05:44] What a Doula actually does.

[08:55] The important of advocacy for parents.

[10:07] The birth outcomes of people using a Doula.

[11:16] How doulas are generally regarded by the medical profession.

[13:46] AJ's own experience of giving birth.

[14:43] Their first birth - lots of intervention and feeling like a passenger.

[16:20] Deciding to become a Doula following a much happier second birth.

[19:07] Judgement - for being gay and being fat. BMI being used as a cut off for gallstone treatment.

[23:55] The difficulties faced by same sex couples in the perinatal system.

[33:54] How many in the LGBT+ community are at increased risk of experiencing negative perinatal health outcomes or difficulties, especially Trans or non-binary parents.

[37:18] Lesbian couples registering births is increasing year on year by 15-20%, over the last 10 years.

[38:56] Across the world, more and more people are coming out every year. Nearly half of 18-24 year olds in 2015 didn't consider themselves to be entirely heterosexual.

[47:00] AJ's early days with their first daughter - "I felt like my body didn't work". Chest-feeding difficulties.

[50:03] How the Doula training helped AJ come to terms with what happened with their first birth.

[55:19] AJ's guide to killer porridge and flapjacks with grated apple!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Doulas support in pregnancy, birth and in the postnatal period by providing information, advocacy, and offering practical and emotional support to the whole family.
2. Doula UK
3. Same sex couples often face discrimination within the medical system, especially in terms of IVF and fertility.
4. LGBT Mummies
5. There are barriers faced by non-gestational mums in terms of accessing parental services.
6. The Queer Birth Club - how to get hold of AJ.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 17, Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support, training and campaign around birth trauma and vicarious trauma. One not to miss.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY...

The second part of my conversation with pioneering mental health campaigner Mark Williams, who has highlighted the need to include fathers in perinatal services.

*TRIGGER WARNING: THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote for this episode

[00:32] Introduction to Mark Williams (part 2)

[02:09] 1001 Days - significant phase for children and why it's important to included dad

[04:21] Mark's guilt at not providing for his family, while caring for his wife and son

[05:51] The progress made in including fathers

[06:09] The importance of lived experience for men opening up - intrusive thoughts

[07:31] The family events which triggered Mark's battle with mental health - impact on physical health

[09:13] Coming clean and getting help

 [10:35] Setting up 'Fathers Reaching Out' support group

[13:39] Early abuse and stigma in working in this field

[15:07] Mark's relationship with son Ethan

[16:30] No such thing as a perfect parent

[19:35] Looking back - losing his mother-in-law

[20:12] The support of Mark's wife, Michelle

[21:04] "Post traumatic growth"

[21:17] Mark's work with Dr Jane Hanley

[22:30] Mark's writing including his book on father's postnatal depression

[24:00] Anyone can contribute to helping parents - everybody's voice matters

[26:30] Meeting someone special!

[27:16] The positives of having been through this experience

[30:06] Advice for dad's in need

[32:52] Bonding - don't feel guilty if you don't have this in the early days, it will come

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The first 1001 Days (from pregnancy to the first 2 years of a child's life) have been proven as a significant and influential phase in their development. What happens during this time lays the foundation for their future wellbeing.
2. It's a myth that men don't open up.
3. Men can act out their distress in harmful ways - drinking heavily, aggression.
4. Dr Jane Hanley
5. Mark's 'Daddy Blues' book
6. Baby Buddy App
7. The Hub of Hope - database of local support resources
8. Communicate with each other - be honest with your partner about how you are feeling.
9. Mark's TED talk on the importance of father’s mental health.
10. You can contact Mark here: Mark's website
11. Fathers Reaching Out

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 10 Leonie Huie BEM opens up about...

Hannah Hardy-Jones, mental health advocate and CEO of the Kite Program, developed bipolar disorder after the traumatic birth of her daughter. In Part 2, Hannah talks about what inspired her to start Kite to support the mental health of others, the benefits of having bipolar and the hugely positive experience she had with the birth of her second child, Henry.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BI-POLAR DISORDER*

! Apologies for my Siamese cat Brandy miaowing in the background at points !

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[01:03] Introduction to Hannah Hardy-Jones (Part 2)

[02:50] The affect Hannah's bipolar disorder has had on her husband Nick

[04:35] Starting The Kite Program - a beautifully designed, emotionally supportive app for mums and beyond

[08:57] The decision to have a second baby after her traumatic first birth - support in place

[11:10] The risk of having a psychotic episode - nightmares about what could happen

[11:45] A beautiful birth with Henry - immediate connection and a healing experience

[13:01] How Alice's birth gave Hannah the gift of doing what she's doing now - looking back

[14:55] "Can I do this again?" Considering having another baby after trauma or PND

[19:55] The impact on Hannah's daughter Alice

[21:22] "We talk about mental health" - building an emotional toolkit for her daughter

[24:25] "My brain is a different brain" - life since her diagnosis - more creative and confident

[25:50] The benefits of neurodiversity in creativity

[27:05] Hannah's negative views on 'mental health' when she worked in HR, before her lived experience

[30:14] Trying to help other people understand what it feels like - Vikki's experience

[32:54] How looking at Google and forums can be damaging

[34:26] These feelings don't last for ever - you will not always feel this way

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The pressure to have another child. It's okay not to want to have another child after perinatal illness.
2. However with the right support in place you can have a really successful second birth and not necessarily be affected by mental health issues second time around.
3. Bipolar can actually unlock positive parts of your brain.
4. Don't look at Google or forums for advice, these can be triggering.
5. These feelings are temporary - you will not feel this way for ever.
6. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
7. NHS info on Bipolar Disorder
8. Bipolar UK email: info@bipolaruk.org
9. The Kite Program app

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 14 we chat to the hugely inspiring Christina Brown of the Motivational Mums Club, on discovering she was pregnant again within months of having her first child and her subsequent experience of postnatal depression.

SUPPORT:

If you are...

I catch up again with Liz Wise, specialist PND Counsellor. In Episode 1 she talked to me about her lived experience of PND. This time she talks about her work with her charity Cedar House Support Group and how out of the thousands of women she has helped over 30 years, every one has made a full recovery from this horrible illness.

*TRIGGER WARNING: CANCER, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[00:58] Introduction to Liz Wise (Part 2)

[02:26] Helping other mums after recovery - training in counselling and setting up Cedar House

[08:30] The privilege of helping women go from rock bottom to full recovery

[09:00] Things that may predispose parents to getting PND

[11:40] How Liz's experience of cancer and losing her father contributed to her own PND

[12:54] Risk factors in parents

[15:02] The role of anti-depressants

[17:46] My own positive experience of taking anti-depressants

[20:30] The lack of understanding with some GPs and health visitors

[21:31] How the pandemic has enabled Cedar House to support to women online

[22:03] How to get in touch with Liz for support (see link in 'Key Takeaways')

[22:59] The reassurance of talking to other women going through PND

[24:50] How you will get better, even if you can't see that right now

[25:54] How Liz thought she had a personality change and withdrew when she had PND

[26:39] How medication can get you back to your old self

[27:23] How PND 'hooks' anxieties - Liz's trouble bonding with Emma and health anxiety

[30:27] The 'hook' of breastfeeding anxiety and its relation to PND

[38:48] Advice for partners, friends and family who want to help

[45:38] How much courage it takes to open up about how you're feeling

[47:57] Jake Mills and the Hub of Hope: It's not mental illness, it's mental health

[48:39] How early intervention is so important

[49:40] Helpful messages for mums going through this - there is no 'perfect' parent

[52:50] You are not weak for having PND.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Cedar House Support Group - how to get in touch with Liz
2. The majority of women Liz has seen have suffered from a hormonal or chemical imbalance.
3. 70-80% of women Liz sees have some issue from the past that is unresolved.
4. Risk factors can include women who have had depression in the past, have had multiple births, suffered from abuse, been through fertility treatment/IVF or are in unsupported relationships.
5. High expectations of how wonderful it's going to be vs. the reality can also be a risk factor.
6. Anti-depressants are made to combat depression, just like antibiotics are made to combat infection. They re-address the imbalance of serotonin in the brain. They don't give you a personality change, they get you back to who you were before.
7. Don't feel despondent if the first medication you try doesn't work, there are lots of different types available and there will be a good fit for you. It's just a question of finding it.
8. The majority of women who go on anti-depressants do come off them.
9. PND can 'hook' onto anxieties - from bonding to health anxiety to breastfeeding issues or even bizarre things. These obsessive, irrational thoughts can be very frightening.
10. For some women there is a connection between difficulties breastfeeding and PND.
11. Postnatal depression is a recognised and totally treatable condition that you will recover from.
12. HOW YOU CAN HELP: Encourage the mum to see her GP. Advise her it won't last forever. Actively listen to her. Try not to pass on your own judgement or opinion. Be kind and patient. - there...

This week my guest is Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.

*TRIGGER WARNING: Birth Trauma and PTSD*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:



[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:46] Introducing Orin.

[04:12] How Orin helps new parents.

[04:45] The identity change and adjustment that occurs when you become a parent.

[13:03] The relationship of unresolved childhood trauma and becoming a parent.

[15:23] High expectations and the pressure to be 'super mum' or 'super dad'. The need to be more self compassionate.

[16:51] Reflecting on perfectionism and the drive to be the 'perfect' parent. The importance of self compassionate action.

[19:49] 'Good enough' parenting and mum guilt.

[23:17] Black and minority mums are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. The urgent need to look into this and better understand the black experience.

[28:05] Orin's work with healthcare providers, increasing their understanding of perinatal mental health.

[34:26] Early intervention is key.

[36:30] If you feel trauma from your birth, you have birth trauma. You don't need a formal diagnosis of it.

[37:01] The impact of being emotionally invalidated during your labour.

[39:30] How to get in touch with Orin.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The phrase 'perinatal' refers to the period before and after having your baby.
2. It can be difficult to adjust to your new identity, and it's okay for you to 'grieve' for the person you were before. It's a huge transition - allow yourself to time to adjust.
3. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
4. You can listen to our special episode on Birth Trauma with Dr Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here.
5. Unresolved emotional wounds from childhood trauma can reappear when you become a parent.
6. Self care and self compassion is really important when you become a parent - it's not selfish and it helps the entire family.
7. Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
8. The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
9. It's not realistic to be 'perfect' - there is no such thing!
10. Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.
11. The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk...

I chat to perinatal mental health blogger, peer supporter and charity campaigner Eve Canavan, BEM in this Blue MumDays special for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. Eve is a founding member of the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and the lead co-ordinator for MMHAW - now in its 6th year and a global success. In this fantastic and super honest chat, Eve tells me about her lived experience of postpartum psychosis, 12 years ago after the birth of her son.

(In Part 2, she discusses the birth of MMHAW and how she collaborated with EastEnders to deliver Stacey's PPP storyline.)

*TRIGGER WARNING: POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS, brief mention of MISCARRIAGE*



IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:40] Introduction to Eve Canavan.

[05:31] Life before motherhood.

[10:20] Why it's important for women to own their own experiences.

[13:00] Suffering incontinence after giving birth.

[14:07] Bleeding after birth - 'lochia'.

[17:51] Speaking out about perinatal illness - sharing your story.

[25:11] Eve's birth experience.

[27:10] The first signs that things weren't right.

[32:24] Leaving hospital - early signs of postpartum psychosis.

[34:41] Realising she was frightened of her baby - feeling trapped.

[37:15] Escalating psychosis.

[40:07] Being fobbed off

[43:11] Finally seeing a psychiatrist - being admitted to a Mother & Baby Unit.

[45:15] Given medication to help and exposure therapy.

[50:25] Getting better - Home-Start, complex PTSD and EMDR therapy.

[51:15] Wanting to tell her story - choosing what to share.

[54:31] The difference between the baby blues, PND and postpartum psychosis.

[57:03] Postpartum psychosis is a psychiatric emergency.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Peer support can be a tremendous help - just knowing you are not alone and getting some hope of recovery. Try and find support groups in your local area (Facebook is normally helpful for this).
2. Information on double wombs can be found on this link.
3. You can read Eve's blog here.
4. Perinatal Mental Health Partnership
5. Action on Postpartum Psychosis.
6. Don't be afraid to tell your GP or health visitor about how you're really thinking or feeling - it may feel frightening, but it's really crucial for getting the support you need.
7. Home-Start - local support for families.
8. EastEnders: Stacey's storyline
9. Mind - the mental health charity's information on postpartum psychosis

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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With 1 in 10 dads suffering after the birth of their baby, Elliott Rae of 'Music, Football, Fatherhood' talks about his PTSD, following the traumatic birth of his daughter. Elliott went on to found MFF (the "Dad's version of Mumsnet") to change the narrative on what it means to be a father. He has gone on to become one of the UK’s most prominent speakers on fatherhood, masculinity and mental health. Despite the serious subject matter, it was an incredibly inspiring, joyful and profound conversation. By chance, this episode was recorded on World Suicide Prevention Day, 2021.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA, SUICIDE RATES*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:40] Introduction to Elliott Rae

[02:11] The stigma of postnatal illness in fathers

[03:08] Elliott before fatherhood - from playing bass in a band to youth and D&I work

[05:55] The pregnancy and discovering his wife had Group B Strep

[09:00] The birth - from calm beginnings to concerns for their daughter

[11:50] Shock - like an outer body experience

[12:23] Elliott's dilemma - should he follow his daughter to intensive care or stay with his wife?

[12:51] Snapping out of his daze - "Fatherhood started there and then"

[13:39] Feelings of helplessness and not feeling prepared

[17:52] Further complications - the need for an emergency MRI scan

[21:03] Coming home from the hospital

[21:49] Elliott's wife diagnosed with Postnatal Anxiety

[24:22] Realising he needed help too

[25:01] Reliving events - how their daughter's severe wheat allergy triggered PTSD

[26:56] Not functioning at work - "I couldn't even say hello"

[28:20] Societal pressure - 'Boys don't cry'

[32:01] Writing about his experiences and getting diagnosed with PTSD

[34:13] 'Dad' the book

[37:29] Rethinking the role of fatherhood

[42:40] How to connect with Elliott and access support via MFF

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. New dads can suffer from postnatal depression too - the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population.  First time dads are particularly vulnerable. 1 in 10 dads-to-be will also become depressed during their partner’s pregnancy. (NCT)
2. Around 25% of women carry Group B Strep (GBS) bacteria during pregnancy, yet it is not routinely tested in the UK. You can find out more information here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/group-b-strep/
3. It's helpful to prepare for the fact that your birth might not go according to plan.
4. Very sadly 3 out of 4 suicides are carried out by men - it is the leading cause of death of men under 50, so there is a clearly an urgent need for greater support for fathers.
5. http://musicfootballfatherhood.com/ is there to open up the conversation around fatherhood in a safe space.
6. You can keep up with Elliott and buy copies of MFF's book 'Dad' here: https://linktr.ee/musicfootballfatherhood
7. https://www.markwilliamsfmh.co.uk/ is a pioneer on paternal mental health and PND.

 If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It...

Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support and training and campaign for better understanding of birth trauma and vicarious trauma.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:29] Introduction to Dr Rebecca Moore.

[04:37] Definition of birth trauma.

[10:17] The inequality of care and discrimination faced by black and ethnic minority mums - this needs to change.

[12:49] The importance of validation and advocacy during your birth.

[17:54] Partners can be affected by birth trauma too.

[18:20] Birth debriefs - first port of call after trauma.

[21:30] Sources of support - including PANDAs, AIMS and Make Birth Better.

[25:43] Doulas (see Episode 16 with Doula AJ Silver).

[26:09] Rebecca's own birth experiences - feeling alone in her first labour.

[32:03] Parents considering another pregnancy after a traumatic birth.

[36:27] You should have choices in the positions you birth in.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Trauma is a completely unique, subjective experience. Birth trauma is your experience of your birth, irrespective of whether you or your baby were in actual danger.
2. Birth trauma is largely about interpersonal factors - being left alone, dismissed, being subjected to racism, lack of consent or lack of compassion.
3. Birth by nature is unpredictable. Try and have conversations beforehand about the support you may need during birth, but trust your instincts and accept that things may change during the course of the birth.
4. FiveXMore is a grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Also Motivational Mums Club and The Motherhood Group.
5. Christina Brown's episode on the experience of black mums
6. 'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 1 / 'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 2
7. Elliott Rae's episode on vicarious birth trauma
8. The Doula Episode with AJ Silver.
9. AIMS for better birthing.
10. Make Birth Better - Rebecca's organisation for supporting parents and healthcare professionals suffering from birth trauma or vicarious trauma.
11. City Birth Trauma Scale

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in...

Today's guest is the wonderful Christina Brown of the Motivational Mums Club, who found herself pregnant again within months of giving birth. As someone who was very career driven, this was a huge shock and she developed maternal mental health issues after the birth of her daughter. Chrissy talks about this experience and how it renewed her passion for helping other mothers - this time with an emphasis on supporting their mental health. She is determined that other mums should have access to the help they need. (This episode was recorded in the middle of winter.)

*TRIGGER WARNING: BRIEF MENTION OF EARLY BABY LOSS*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:07] Introduction to Christina Brown.

[03:26] Chrissy's background in the corporate world, very ambitious and career driven.

[07:15] Getting pregnant - in-between bleedings and worry about miscarrying, keeping quiet.

[09:39] Relaxing into the pregnancy and the safe delivery of her son.

[10:21] Starting 'Motivational Mums' whilst a new mum - sharing experiences of motherhood.

[13:34] Feeling emotionally well, thanks to a good support system.

[14:58] The shock of finding herself 12 weeks pregnant, when her son Zane was less than 7 months.

[19:40] Getting referred by her GP and her first scan.

[22:23] The impact on her return to work - a lot to take in.

[23:51] Filled with anxiety - "I lost myself".

[28:51] Life with '2 under 2' - tears, but unable to tell the midwife.

[31:09] The pressures on black mums - being judged, not being listened to, cultural expectations.

[34:19] Telling her GP - the Edinburgh Test, rejecting anti-depressants and a lack of peer support.

[36:21] 'Motivational Mums' is reborn - positive affirmations about motherhood, keeping it real.

[38:29] Offering free mental health sessions for mothers and birthing people.

[39:32] 'Young Positive Minds' - encouraging self confidence and resilience in young people.

[40:44] The huge need for children's mental health support and how we, as parents with mental illness, can help them through our own lived experience.

[41:44] The affect of the pandemic, uncertainty in the world and social pressure on our young people - being told how they should look, how they should behave.

[43:02] The importance of affirmation and positive reinforcement in building emotional resilience.

[44:15] Partners shouldn't be forgotten about - they need support to.

[45:33] Losing her identity - the importance to still be 'you', despite looking after everyone else.

[47:01] "We don't have a moment to be still" - give yourself grace, you have permission to "be still"

[50:21] So many mums feel guilty for doing anything for themselves. But self care is crucial.

[51:19] How to get hold of Chrissy - website and contact links.

[52:22] "The first year after giving birth, every mother is entitled to counselling under the NHS."

[53:30] Talking helps - counselling is a safe space.

[54:24] Chrissy's calling - taking a career break to concentrate on both her businesses.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. According to the NHS, you can get pregnant as little as 3 weeks after the birth of a baby, even if you're breastfeeding and your periods haven't started again. Unless you want to get pregnant again, it's important to use some kind of contraception every time you have sex after giving birth, including the first time. Breastfeeding is not a contraceptive.
2. Black mums are 4 times more likely to die in childbirth and rates of PND/anxiety are significantly higher than they are in white mums - yet black mums are less likely to seek help or be listened to. (Metro)

This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.

UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.

[03:20] Life before motherhood.

[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.

[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.

[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.

[12:49] Meeting the boys.

[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.

[19:16] Lack of support.

[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.

[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.

[25:25] Coming out of hospital.

[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.

[29:12] Bringing the boys home.

[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.

[36:05] The relationship with Oli.

[39:05] The power of validation.

[39:41] Finally breaking down in front of her mum.

[41:07] Receiving Harry's diagnosis of Autism.

[45:40] Reaching rock bottom - planning to take her life. *TRIGGER WARNING*

[46:43] Recovery - medication and counselling.

[48:20] The need for self compassion.

[50:30] Charlie's work - charity 'More Than A Face' and helping mums accept their 'grief'.

[54:27] The affect on Oli of having a sibling with additional needs.

[58:07] The boys now, as teenagers.

[1:00:15] The happy ending.

[1:01:58] Charlie's book, charting her motherhood journey, 'Our Altered Life'.

[1:03:03] How to get hold of Charlie.

[1:03:33] Advice for when meeting a parent of a child with additional needs.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Support for parents of multiples via the Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
2. For more information about Harry's condition, Goldenhar syndrome, please click this link.
3. For parents of children with Autism, charity 'Ambitious About Autism' have a Parent Toolkit which may be helpful to you.
4. Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of

A really entertaining and moving chat with the amazing Leonie Huie BEM, author of 'The First Year is Survival'. Leonie found out she was pregnant unexpectedly - with twins! She talks about her early struggles as a new mum of multiples and the trauma of having to perform CPR on one of her daughters when she stopped breathing. When they subsequently ended up in hospital, Leonie was finally recognised as having postnatal depression - a lifechanging diagnosis for her.

*TRIGGER WARNING: PERFORMING CPR ON HER BABY*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[00:56] Introduction to Leonie

[01:41] Life before pregnancy

[02:45] Finding out she was unexpectedly pregnant - with twins!

[10:11] Experiencing bad anxiety during the pregnancy

[16:20] The birth - a c-section and hiphop

[21:59] Skin-to-skin - no feeling of connection

[22:48] Difficulties breastfeeding

[30:24] Nobody diagnosed PND

[31:38] Having to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her baby daughter

[34:23] Finding out she had postnatal depression

[42:30] How her family and friends responded to the diagnosis

[43:18] Advice for people going through it now

[48:23] Life as a mum of multiples

[55:55] Getting better

[56:59] Writing her book, 'The First Year Is Survival' / coaching mums

[59:56] Support resources on Leonie's website and a final message

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The motherhood journey for us all is special - trust your instincts.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help - you are not a burden.
3. Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
4. Leonie Huie's website
5. The First Year Is Survival

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 11 I follow up with Liz Wise (my first ever guest), this time to talk about her role as specialist postnatal depression counsellor with The Cedar House support group and charity.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email:

In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.

[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.

[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.

[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.

[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.

[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.

[25:11] Saying goodbye.

[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.

[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.

[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.

[32:58] "It's not the end."

[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.

[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.

[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.

[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.

[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.

[49:13] The need for advocacy.

[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
2. For Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.
3. Follow this link for NHS on Miscarriage information.
4. N.C.T. '8 Things That Can Help After Miscarriage'
5. This link takes you to the Blue MumDays episode with my lovely mum, Nina Spilsted - PND in the '70s: My Mum's Story
6. Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. 
7. Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss. 
8. The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
9. Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates...

This week's guest is Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States.  After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both of her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.

This episode was recorded over Zoom from America, so apologies for the fluctuating sound quality. And for Brandy the Siamese cat's cameo at the beginning!

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brief mention of Suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:53] Introduction to Amy.

[03:41] Life before having her daughters.

[04:47] The first pregnancy - placenta praevia and bed rest.

[07:27] The mental load of tongue tie issues and sleep deprivation.

[10:04] Aiva's birth - C-section.

[10:58] *Trigger warning: brief mention of suicide of close family member*

[12:17] Lack of emotional support from her husband due to grief.

[15:05] Emberly's birth - V.B.A.C. and forceps.

[16:42] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and E.M.D.R. Therapy.

[20:15] A forced smile 'get this baby off of me'.

[21:30] The impact of medical students watching the birth.

[25:10] P.T.S.D. and heightened anxiety. Leaving her high-flying career.

[30:14] How you fundamentally change when you become a mother.

[37:22] Finding her calling.

[39:14] How employers need to better support working mothers.

[40:26] Amy's work supporting other mums.

[43:48] Attitudes and support for postpartum depression in America.

[52:47] How to improve the system - better education, including employers.

[54:48] The impact of short maternity leave in America.

[56:41] Personal growth.

[58:21] Amy's message to her younger self and for others out there suffering.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Click here for Amy's website for more information on her maternal leadership coaching and courses, including overcoming Working Mother Burnout.
2. Information on Placenta Praevia
3. Find out more about Tongue Tie
4. Click for information on V.B.A.C. – Vaginal Birth After Caesarean.
5. Link to information on P.T.S.D. – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
6. Find out more about E.M.D.R. Therapy here – Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.
7. Listen to Christina Brown's episode of Blue MumDays
8. Medicaid support for postpartum parents in America
9. According to Amy, 75% of women suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety in America don’t seek...

Season 3 of Blue MumDays is here, the parental mental health podcast smashing stigma and normalising the conversation on perinatal illness. Upcoming episodes include discussion on infant feeding trauma, breastfeeding advice, pre-eclampsia, baby loss, birthing during Covid, neonatal intensive care, coping with multiple miscarriage, postnatal depression in fathers and midwifery in a war zone. New episodes are released the first Monday of each month.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Discussion of baby loss and trauma*

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, share and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

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Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

I chat to perinatal mental health blogger, peer supporter and charity campaigner Eve Canavan, BEM in this Blue MumDays special for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. Eve is a founding member of the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and the lead co-ordinator for MMHAW - now in its 6th year and a global success.

In this follow up to her story (Episode 19), Eve tells me about the birth of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week and her very special collaboration with EastEnders and Mind, to inform Stacey's Postpartum Psychosis storyline.

(In Part 1, Eve talks very frankly about her lived experience of Postpartum Psychosis, 12 years ago after the birth of her son.)

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTHING INJURIES, BIRTH TRAUMA & POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS*

Apologies for the sound quality on this episode - at times my microphone had interference, which I didn't realise at the time. I hope this doesn't spoil what was a fantastic conversation.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:31] Introduction to Eve Canavan.

[02:26] The Perinatal Mental Health Partnership - setting up Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.

[07:53] This year's special MMHAW sessions include Postpartum Rage, Birth Injuries, Birth Trauma, Your Body Post Birth, Mum & Baby Yoga and Dad's With PTSD.

[14:26] Pelvic floor health - and the need to open up about birth injuries and incontinence.

[18:10] Where to find these special MMHAW resources.

[19:25] This year's theme: 'The Power of Connection' - the importance of peer support.

[20:07] The key fear against speaking out: "I don't want my baby to taken off me".

[21:23] Gender disappointment.

[27:32] Eve's involvement with the BBC's soap opera EastEnders, informing the character Stacey's storyline of Postpartum Psychosis.

[33:34] Advice for anyone concerned about Postpartum Psychosis - it's a psychiatric emergency.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. You can read Eve's blog here.
2. Perinatal Mental Health Partnership website.
3. Perinatal Mental Health Partnership FACEBOOK
4. PMHP INSTAGRAM
5. PMPH TWITTER
6. Dr. Caroline Boyd
7. Fit Fanny Adams - pelvic floor expert.
8. Dr Lindsay McMillan - expert on gender disappointment.
9. Action on Postpartum Psychosis.
10. EastEnders: Stacey's storyline with PPP
11. Mind - the mental health charity
12. Postpartum Psychosis is a...

This week I'm joined by the wonderful Christine Cunningham of Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario. Despite sailing through motherhood with her first two children, Christine went on to suffer postnatal depression and anxiety with the birth of her third. In this mega-episode, Christine talks about the shock diagnosis of finding out she had ADHD at the age of 40, when seeking a diagnosis for her son. Christine talks so eloquently about the huge impact this has had on her life and on her role as a mother. A must listen for anyone affected by ADHD.

*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Anxiety, ADHD*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:44] Introducing Christine (including her podcast, 'Perinatal Wellbeing').

[02:44] Life before having children - looking back and realising that anxiety was already present in her life.

[03:41] Her oldest son's diagnosis of ADHD and the link back to her.

[04:19] Feeling 'chilled' during pregnancy, labour and delivery and the link between lower levels of oestrogen and ADHD.

[06:00] Having to coach the terrified resident doctor from ER during her first labour!

[07:52] Not doubting herself with her first two sons, but suffering from intense anxiety and guilt with her third.

[10:06] Experiencing the 'baby blues' with her first and how that differed from the postnatal depression she suffered with her third son

[12:15] The expectation that you 'know what to do' by the third pregnancy / struggles with breastfeeding.

[13:05] "I couldn't get my shit together" - developing a fear of leaving the house or being alone with her 3 kids.

[14:40] How this anxiety impacted on her relationship with her older children.

[15:17] Realising straight away that something felt 'off'. Excessive crying, excessive guilt and not being able to make a decision.

[19:16] The fear of going back 'to that place'.

[21:00] Feelings of grief about the experience we lost in early motherhood.

[23:35] Recovery isn't linear - the fear of 'slipping back'.

[24:51] The hell of PND/PPD and the feeling of clarity and gratitude Christine felt when she started to recover.

[27:16] The role of medication and hormones. Introducing the 'Fanny Club'!

[30:24] Davina - fitness videos and the menopause.

[31:24] The impact of hormones on symptoms of ADHD.

[32:04] Getting a diagnosis for her son.

[33:35] Biological males and biological females present differently with ADHD. The misconceptions and stereotypes of ADHD 'behaviour'.

[34:52] Looking back - how the diagnosis helped her make sense of her past, the feeling that she was always 'missing the mark'.

[36:34] ADHD does not mean you're not intelligent! The benefits of a neurodivergent mind.

[38:54] The lack of support for adults with ADHD.

[39:48] The link between ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder).

[40:46] Christine's initial bias against ADHD medication. The lack of support available when you don't take medication.

[43:02] How an anxiety programme helped with her son's feelings of anger and frustration.

[44:19] Vikki's brother's friend given Ritalin in the 1980s. Christine's concerns over medication.

[45:55] Christine's discovery that unmedicated ADHD is what can lead to addiction - not the medication itself.

[46:52] The stress of homeschooling during the Covid pandemic.

[49:15] The role of executive functioning and how it is impaired by ADHD.

[50:19] Finding the right medication - 'it's been lifechanging'.

[54:27] Mark Williams' late diagnosis of ADHD (see the 'Daddy Blues' episodes). The importance of validation.

[57:37] The intersection of ADHD and postpartum depression. The role of hormones.

[01:00:21] The 'fight or flight' panic of PND and postnatal anxiety. The role of the prefrontal cortex and impaired executive...

In this 'Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week' special, I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief mention of feelings of suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:28] Introduction to Laura.

[02:53] Increased anxiety and guilt about not enjoying pregnancy.

[07:15] Perinatal rage - completely out of character for Laura.

[10:02] How breaking her arm exacerbated negative feelings during pregnancy.

[12:05] Enforced rest = over-thinking. Feeling she wasn't needed at work. Letting the mask slip.

[14:06] Laura's husband couldn't relate, but was very supportive.

[15:37] Advice for people listening - "explain how you are feeling".

[16:51] The importance of Laura's work and how hard the abrupt ending was for her.

[19:11] Unrealistic expectations of how easy motherhood would be. Trying to be 'perfect'.

[23:34] Charlotte's birth - a quick labour but no 'rush of love'. Bonding took a year.

[28:37] C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) and O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Trying to stay 'in control'.

[31:24] *Waves of sadness and not wanting to be here anymore*.

[33:44] Starting to build a relationship with Charlotte through play.

[36:30] How Laura's O.C.D. manifested - fears around contamination, choking and vomit.

[43:28] How this O.C.D. tested Laura's relationship.

[44:45] Trying to cope when Charlotte was sick.

[47:33] Getting help with the O.C.D. and keeping 'checking' under control.

[49:26] How C.B.T. offered Laura solutions and strategies.

[51:14] Recovery isn't linear.

[52:02] How returning to work was integral to Laura's recovery.

[53:37] Finally being hit by that much longed for 'rush of love'.

[56:54] Telling people at work.

[01:03:09] Advice for people currently struggling.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow this link for N.H.S. information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)
2. You can find more information about postnatal rage here – from the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (Australia).
3. Perinatal O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is one of the most misunderstood perinatal mental health problems. Click here for advice and support from the Maternal O.C.D. charity, set up by 2 mums with lived experience and O.C.D. Action, the UK's largest O.C.D. charity.
4. Difficulty with baby bonding affects a third of UK mums. Read more about it here in this N.C.T. (National Childbirth Trust) article.
5. Find out more about the 'Circle of Security' model of attachment here

Our Christmas/New Year episode is with the hugely inspiring Sandra Igwe - maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of The Motherhood Group. Sandra talked to me in Spring 2022 about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and racism and the profound affect this has had on navigating motherhood.

Despite the heavy subject matter, I found this a joyous conversation and once again - like so many of my guests - Sandra has turned a hugely traumatic experience into something so positive, helping educate health professionals and offering support to other mums.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma and Racial Discrimination*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:52] Introduction to Sandra.

[03:26] Writing her latest book based on her experience, 'My Black Motherhood'.

[05:37] Life before becoming a mum and the transition into motherhood.

[09:52] Sandra's first pregnancy - a beautiful surprise!

[13:49] Worries about not being a 'good' mum during pregnancy.

[16:04] Zoe's birth - dismissive, racist treatment and lack of adequate care/choice.

[21:15] Similar situation with her second daughter's birth - more trauma.

[25:05] Aftercare - or lack of it! The need for healthcare professionals to be better trained, especially on cultural competence.

[30:12] How this birth trauma impacted on Sandra's mental health.

[33:30] Cultural stigma and shame regarding perinatal mental health.

[35:17] Finding her tribe and finding her voice - starting The Motherhood Group.

[44:53] Recovery, including support from her partner.

[50:30] Finding your groove.

[52:24] Sandra's faith.

[54:48] Advice for people currently struggling.

[58:53] Free support available via The Motherhood Group.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Sandra's organisation The Motherhood Group raises awareness of black maternal health issues and offers peer-to-peer support, free doula support and free counselling for issues like anxiety, PND and stress.
2. Black Maternal Health Week highlights the disparity of black mums' maternal mental health outcomes and issues. It occurs 11-17 April and this year's theme is: "Our Bodies Belong to Us: Restoring Black Autonomy and Joy!' (#BMHW23).
3. Sandra's latest book 'My Black Motherhood: Mental Health, Stigma, Racism & The System' is available in all good book stores. You can purchase it here.
4. Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.
5. If you can, have someone at your birth who can advocate for you while you are in a vulnerable position.
6. The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.
7. Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.
8. Black Mamas Matter...

I continue my chat with inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery. In this part we discuss her mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression, following her own experience of PND.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[00:51] Introduction to Naomi Buffery (part 2)

[01:21] Naomi's mission: the need for honest conversations around motherhood

[05:30] Standing in the shower, thinking of running away

[06:44] Meeting an anxiety coach - "it changed my life"

[08:59] CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)

[09:53] Mums need mentors

[13:25] Where to find Naomi

[14:19] Looking back - the positives of living through PND

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Most mums have some difficulty adjusting to motherhood - not just those with PND.
2. The instinct to 'run away' is a very common experience and a reaction to overwhelm.
3. Mums need to be emotionally prepared for motherhood during pregnancy.
4. Naomi's TED talk - on the need for women to be empowered during childbirth.
5. https://naomibuffery.com/ - where you can get in touch with Naomi.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

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Twitter

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 8 I talk paternal mental health with writer, speaker and campaigner Mark Williams, whose battle with postnatal depression left him feeling suicidal.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: info@apni.org

Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based...

Hannah Hardy-Jones, mental health advocate and CEO of the Kite Program, speaks bravely and honestly about how the traumatic birth of her daughter triggered bi-polar disorder. Instead of falling into depression, Hannah experienced intense highs within the first few days of giving birth on barely any sleep. And then came the devastating low.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA, BI-POLAR DISORDER*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[00:46] Introduction to Hannah Hardy-Jones (Part 1)

[02:26] Before pregnancy - career focus and vision boards!

[03:55] The pregnancy itself - trying to make everything perfect

[06:31] Lack of information about the emotional strains of parenting - women aren't prepared

[07:58] Bad morning sickness

[09:07] The birth - being induced and an epidural that only worked on one side

[12:15] Baby in distress - intervention

[16:48] Body shock

[18:12] Not getting that skin-to-skin contact

[18:51] The affect on Hannah's husband Nick

[20:26] After the birth - staying at a birthing unit

[22:58] Starting to feel 'high' - reduced pain, not sleeping

[26:16] Suspicions and secrets

[28:00] Getting assessed - 10 signposts for having a manic episode

[31:22] Visitors made things worse

[32:10] The adult psych team called in - feeling a bit scared and out of control

[34:05] 6 weeks to get a formal diagnosis

[34:56] What goes up must come down -the crushing depression

[37:40] Terrible anxiety and support from carers

[39:35] Cyclical depression caused by reaction to the medication

[40:23] Looking after Alice - a fear of passing on the distress

[41:44] Turning a corner, a fresh start

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Whilst there are plenty of courses offering practical information during pregnancy, there should be more to prepare mums for the emotional strains of motherhood.
2. Partners can be affected by birth trauma too and may need support themselves.
3. NHS info on Bi-Polar Disorder
4. A manic episode can reduce perceived pain intensity or the perceived need for sleep.
5. Bi-Polar UK email: info@bipolaruk.org
6. The Kite Program app

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 13 we continue our chat with Hannah Hardy-Jones. Hannah talks about adjusting to living with bipolar, having her second child and creating The Kite Program - a personal development app for mothers touted as a world-first.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or...

I chat to pioneering parental mental health campaigner and author Mark Williams. In this first part, Mark talks about the traumatic birth of his son which triggered postnatal depression in both his wife and himself.  We discuss the added stigma of fathers struggling and the pressure put on men to “man up”.

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA/THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE/ALCOHOL ABUSE*



IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Introduction to Mark Williams (part 1)

[01:36] Ethan’s birth – from positive beginnings to emergency C-Section

[02:43] Mark's first panic attack, in the labour word

[04:38] Where was the ‘rush of love’? 

[06:11] Getting home – masking emotions

[07:11] Lack of support and education for new dads.

[07:38] The pressure of being brought up to be tough and "man up"

[09:50] Michelle diagnosed with PND *TRIGGER WARNING*

[12:12] Giving up work to look after his family

[13:38] The impact on Mark's mental health

[16:11] Changes to Mark's personality - suicidal thoughts *TRIGGER WARNING*

[18:01] Alcohol abuse and anger - ways of trying to 'cope'

[19:41] The barriers stopping Mark getting help - the affect on his job, social services

[20:47] Support available from employers - greater awareness

[22:14] Mark's research into the importance of fathers’ mental health and the need for early intervention

[23:29] Suicide risks in men *TRIGGER WARNING*

[24:02] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - requires different treatment

[24:45] Postnatal Depression in men - including hormonal changes

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. 1 in 10 dads suffer with their mental health after their child is born. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
2. The quicker you get help, the quicker your recovery. Reach out, help is available.
3. Early intervention is crucial - for the whole family.
4. Men can experience hormonal changes during the perinatal period.
5. Mark's TED talk on the importance of father’s mental health.
6. Mark's work with Dr Andrew Mayers
7. Contact Mark here: Mark's website
8. Fathers Reaching Out - support for dads

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 9, pioneering paternal mental health champion Mark Williams tells me more about his life's work campaigning for and supporting fathers during the perinatal period.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

To launch Blue MumDays Season 3, host Vikki welcomes Sarah Edge, a perinatal specialist psychotherapist. In the first part of their discussion, Sarah shares her deeply personal and emotional journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and the complex challenges of infant feeding. She discusses her experiences with breastfeeding trauma and grief and the stark contrast between her expectations and the reality of motherhood. Sarah offers heartfelt advice to parents struggling with similar issues, emphasising the importance of compassion and seeking support. The episode also explores societal pressures and the impact of invalidation on mental health.

*Trigger Warning: *birth trauma, neonatal intensive care, breastfeeding trauma, feelings of suicide and baby loss.

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[04:40] Not enjoying the pregnancy/not being what she’d expected or planned/sickness.

[08:27] Sensitivity and being self-conscious during pregnancy about how she looked

[08:04] Pregnancy isn’t an illness but it can be a hard slog on the body and mind. Expectations vs. reality.

[15:24] The birth – labour at 36 weeks. Family history of this. Primal urge to birth on her own.

[23:33] The ‘rush of love’ – actually quite rare.

[24:30] The birth took a turn – vomiting and post-partum haemorrhage.

[25:57] First attempts at breastfeeding, when things got really difficult.

[30:41] Feeling nervous about being sent home from hospital and the fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

[32:43] Severe jaundice - A+E and panic attack. The ramping up of anxiety. Jack in an incubator.

[37:05] Turning a corner, starting formula feeding.

[39:15] The toll of triple feeding and sleep deprivation on Sarah’s mental health. Start of suicidal thoughts. Rock bottom.

[43:17] Understanding breast feeding trauma.

[48:56] Finding out what works best for you and your family.

[49:50] Writing about her experience – the importance of sharing our struggles.

[52:09] Invalidation and trauma.

[56:37] Breastfeeding grief and how you won’t lose that precious bond.

[01:01:49] Sarah’s experience second time around, with her daughter.

[01:05:32] Compassion is the antidote to trauma.

Key Takeaways:

1.   Click this link for more information on Sarah Edge and her Maternal Mental Health services

2.   Information here on The Fed is Best Foundation, which supports all families to safely feed their babies whether they feed with breast, bottle, or both (combination feeding).

3.   Read Sarah’s article on Infant Feeding Trauma here on the Fed is Best website.

4.   Adjustment disorder is a mental health condition that occurs when someone has an unhealthy or excessive reaction to a stressful event or life change. Symptoms can include stress, sadness or hopelessness, negative thoughts and changes in behaviour.

5.   For information and support on hyperemesis gravidarum (HG is extreme sickness during pregnancy), click this link for Pregnancy Sickness Support. They are the only UK registered charity dedicated to offering support and evidence-based information to those affected

Wellbeing Practitioner Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 talks self-compassion and being kind to yourself, in the second part of this 'Blue Monday' special.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[00:55] Introduction to Poonam Dhuffer (Part 2)

[01:15] The loop of negative thought and worry - let it go

[04:00] Understanding triggers and not being afraid to ask for support

[05:13] Naming the feeling and not repressing it

[06:45] The importance of moving our bodies - finding a rhythm that works for you

[10:27] Why it's good to talk to your baby - for you and for them

[11:22] The benefits of a power song - get your little one involved!

[13:07] Give yourself permission to do something just for you

[13:42] Have some non-judgemental people available as a support system, who you can call on

[15:13] Take 10 minutes to yourself to unwind or recharge

[16:12] Keep track of self-critical talk

[17:44] The power of breathing - visualising an equal square

[19:44] Reframing the words you use - "I'm learning, I'm growing"

[21:17] Poonam's background of social anxiety and panic attacks

[22:16] The Loving Kindness Meditation (see bonus episode)

[30:55] How to get in touch with Poonam

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. We're human, we're going to worry - but try to rein it in so it doesn't consume you.
2. Ask for support if you need it - it can make all the difference.
3. Naming how you are feeling can be helpful. If we repress it, it will seep out eventually.
4. Going for a mindful walk or dancing to your favourite song can really help balance your nervous system and take you away from your worry.
5. Engage in a quick, energising dance if you're feeling low or sluggish. Have a kitchen disco with your little one!
6. Who can you call on as a support network? Who will listen without judgement?
7. Take 10 minutes for yourself at the end of each day.
8. Keep track of self critical talk - what can you rephrase or reframe?
9. When worrying, return to the breath - 5 inhales in, 5 exhales out.
10. Positive affirmations can be surprisingly powerful. Try to say the words with sincerity.
11. Dr. Kristin Neff - https://self-compassion.org/ / TED talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
12. Get in touch with Poonam Dhuffer here - https://www.ysm8.co.uk/

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

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Twitter

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 7 I continue my chat with inspiring maternal mental health specialist Naomi Buffery, on her own experience of PND and her mission to empower other mums to beat anxiety and depression.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click 

An introduction to the Blue MumDays weekly podcast. Hear from guests such as PND Counsellor Liz Wise and Elliott Rae of Music, Football Fatherhood in this short taster. MUSIC: Joseph McDade.

Season 2 launches with a Q&A with Liz Wise, specialist PND Counsellor and founder of the Cedar House Support Group.

I put your most asked questions to Liz in this special episode, from "How do I know it's PND?" to "How long will recovery take?"

Demystifying the illness and dispelling the myths, this episode is 'all you wanted to know about PND but were too afraid to ask'.

*TRIGGER WARNING: POSTNATAL DEPRESSION*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] BMDs intro

[00:17] Introduction to Liz Wise

[02:25] "How do I know it's PND?"

[03:31] "How does it differ from the Baby Blues?"

[04:10] "Will my baby be taken away from me?"

[05:16] "How common is PND?"

[07:05] "What are the risk factors for developing perinatal illness?"

[11:03] "Is postnatal depression like other forms of depression?"

[11:35] "How many years need to go by before it's no longer PND?"

[15:00] "Is it important to seek help?"

[16:40] "What about antidepressants?"

[20:41] "What support is available?"

[24:09] "What percentage of men suffer from it?"

[25:15] "What are the triggers of PND?"

[28:02] "How does PND affect your bond with your baby?"

[29:40] "Are there any positives to having PND?"

[30:53] "How long does it take to recover from PND?"

[33:20] "What percentage of women make a recovery?"

[33:31] "Is it possible for PND to come back, but only experience it with your first child?"

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The 'Baby Blues' affects about 1 in 2 women and typically occurs between days 3 and 7 following the birth. It's a chemical change when the breastmilk comes in and the symptoms usually subside by day 14. If these feelings get worse or aren't going away, please speak to your GP to get support.
2. Your baby will not be taken away from you if you open up about how you are feeling - that's a myth.
3. Research shows that around 20% of women (1 in 5) are affected by PND and other perinatal mental health issues, but many more suffer in silence.
4. 1 in 10 fathers are officially affected by postnatal depression - there are likely to be many more who don't talk about it.
5. Risk factors can include: a previous history of depression, IVF and fertility treatment, women who have lost their mother pre-puberty (or have a distant or dysfunctional relationship with them), births of multiples and the lack of a supportive relationship.
6. Many women Liz has seen have had an unresolved issue or trauma from the past.
7. Members of the LGBTQ+ community can have increased susceptibility, due to the lack of support around them.
8. PND shares many symptoms with generalised depression and is defined as "a depressive episode after childbirth".
9. PND is typically a temporary episode that you completely recover from, with the right support. If it's not dealt with, it can continue, so the sooner you seek support the better. It's never too late to seek support for having PND or birth-related trauma from the past.
10. Reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness. There is no shame in it and it's hugely important to get support as early as possible.
11. In Liz's 30 years of helping women with PND, she's found antidepressants really helpful with recovery. There are lots of different types of medication you can try - it's a myth they will change your personality, but they should make you feel like your old self again.
12. Support options can include counselling, therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, medication, homeopathy, accupuncture and peer support groups, like Cedar House. It can be a great comfort to be amongst others suffering and realise you are not alone.
13. The majority of women with PND and postnatal anxiety have 'hooks' over issues like breastfeeding, bonding, lack of sleep,...

Specialist Postnatal Depression Counsellor Liz Wise talks about her own personal experience of PND, which she suffered from with the birth of both her daughters. Despite surviving cancer twice, losing both her parents, losing two of her best friends and going through a very stressful divorce, none of these events ever gave Liz depression. Yet having her daughters did.  

We also speak to Liz’s daughter Emma. Whilst Liz’s mental illness caused bonding issues with Emma as a baby, this did not affect their relationship growing up. In fact, Emma says she feels Liz’s experience of PND made her an even better mum.

Liz made a full recovery. Since then she has been supporting mothers with postnatal depression for over twenty five years. She sits on the committee for The Association for Postnatal Illness and has her own charity The Cedar House Support Group which offers help to mothers through support groups in London and Surrey. Liz offers confidential one to one counselling either face to face, phone, online or email and runs PND support groups in London and Surrey.   (LINK IN SUPPORT BELOW)

In this episode we discuss:

[00:00] Introduction to Liz Wise – the queen of PND!

[01:49] Liz's traumatic molar pregnancy which developed into cancer (choriocarcinoma)

[02:46] The joy of finding she was pregnant with Emma

[04:11] Feeling disconnected from her baby

[05:04] Anxiety, her struggle with breastfeeding and wanting to withdraw from friends

[06:05] Liz's first panic attack whilst out shopping

[06:25] Getting support

[08:37] Over-compensating for her lack of feelings for Emma

[09:48] How it felt to be diagnosed with PND

[10:27] Suicidal feelings, referral to a psychiatrist and support from family

[14:12] Approaching having a second child

[15:42] Bonding with her new baby

[16:02] Coming down with PND for a second time - developing health anxiety

[20:06] Why Liz is grateful for experiencing PND - advice for other mums

[22:07] Liz's daughter Emma's experience of growing up with a mum affected by PND

[25:14] How Emma learnt about her mum’s PND

[27:24] Emma’s work as a virologist & work in SARS-CoV-2

[28:16] Normalising the conversation around mental health issues

[29:33] Emma speaks positively about the benefits of having a mum with PND

[33:31] A message to other parents - you’re not alone, you're not going to mess up your children

 *** TRIGGER WARNING: These are real-life conversations, from the heart, so please listen with discretion. Please also refer to our SUPPORT section below ***

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• You are not alone and will not feel this way for ever
• Bonding issues won’t affect your relationship with your child later on
• Talking about your feelings can normalise mental health issues
• Support is available (please see SUPPORT links below)
• Having PND can have a positive affect on your child

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 2 of Blue MumDays, I’ll be talking to Emily Goldhill about what it was like to have her baby during...

In the follow-up to Episode 35 (Part 1), perinatal psychotherapist Sarah Edge shares her contrasting experience with her second pregnancy. Her debilitating experience with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG or extreme sickness) took a significant toll on Sarah’s mental health. Sarah developed postnatal depression and terrible anxiety after the birth, leading to intrusive thoughts and hallucinations. The experience was terrifying. Now recovered, Sarah talks about how she has used it to inform her own therapeutic practice.     She provides practical advice for others suffering from similar conditions and highlights the importance of seeking help early.

*Trigger Warning* Extreme vomiting, feelings of suicide.

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[01:53]  Introduction to Sarah

[03:49]  Understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum (H.G.)

[06:25]  How H.G. contributed to Sarah’s difficulty bonding with her daughter

[08:09]  Getting support and medication – the importance of being taken seriously

[12:46]  Advice for mums experiencing sickness in pregnancy. How Pregnancy Sickness Support helped Sarah

[16:00]  Much needed support from Sarah’s husband and her work

[19:58] Her second birth – no immediate ‘rush of love’

[22:39] Feeling ‘high’ then a crushing low – severe anxiety, intrusive thoughts and hallucinations

[29:30] A desperate visit to Accident and Emergency (A+E)

[35:47]  Starting medication

[38:13] Building a bond with her daughter

[42:52] Turning personal struggles into a professional passion – the importance of shared experiences

[50:10] Matrescence

Key Takeaways:

1.    Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of pregnancy sickness, affecting around 1-3% of pregnancies and causing incredibly debilitating symptoms.

2.    A 2020 study by Imperial College, London found that “women with HG are around 8 times more likely to suffer antenatal depression and 4 times more likely to have postnatal depression”.

3. For help with HG, go to Pregnancy Sickness Support. They are a charity dedicated to alleviating the suffering of all those affected by pregnancy sickness. They offer peer support and a helpline, 0800 055 4361.

4.    The HER Foundation is another great organisation, dedicated to helping those suffering hyperemesis and those who have survived it. Providing education, research, support and advocacy globally, to improve the management of HG.

5.    Listen to Episode 18 with Dr. Andy Mayers ‘Bonding, Guilt and Pyschosis: An Expert View’, to learn more about mother and baby units.

6.    You can learn more about Sarah’s therapeutic process through her Instagram page, MaternalMentalHealthWellbeing.

7.    Sarah has a Maternal Mental Health Journal, which can be purchased through

I chat to Nick Raeburn, aka 'That Social Nerd'. Nick came to my attention in a very brave and raw LinkedIn post, where he talked about the huge flood of emotion he experienced in becoming a dad. Prior to having children, Nick had never cried - a result of the awful abuse he suffered as a child. This is a very emotional and deeply profound conversation; I don't think I've cried as much - or laughed as much - during an interview!

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief (but not graphic) early mention of Child Abuse, discussion of Trauma*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:46] Introduction to Nick.

[03:42] How the birth of his daughter was the catalyst to unlocking his emotions.

[04:41] How Nick was helped through therapy and E.M.D.R. (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).

[05:28] Lack of support during his childhood. Catharsis from expressing how he feels on social media.

[07:02] How the pandemic has affected attitudes to life and mental health.

[08:12] How Nick had buried the painful experiences of his childhood.

[09:28] Approaching fatherhood. The differences in the birth of his first and second child.

[12:46] Meeting his daughter for the first time. The importance of emotional intelligence.

[16:06] The unrelenting horror of sleep deprivation!

[21:54] The early days of having his newborn daughter at home.

[23:29] Feelings of anger, resulting from Nick's adverse childhood experiences.

[27:50] Owning his story and reclaiming his power.

[29:20] Fatherhood and masculinity. Discovering 'A Band of Brothers'. Mentorship.

[35:27] Recovery, including the E.M.D.R. therapy and mentoring other young men.

[43:00] How Nick has changed from the man his wife originally married.

[45:21] The importance of fathers engaging with their children - the 'First 1001 Days'.

[48:10] Nick's hopes for his son, going forward.

[50:06] Advice for those who have experienced abuse, but have never talked about it.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Click here for more information on E.M.D.R., known as Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing.
2. Link to Rosey's website, 'PND and Me', founder of the #PND hour on Twitter.
3. Listen to the Blue MumDays episode 'When Birth Leads to Trauma' with Dr Rebecca Moore. Find out more about charity 'Make Birth Better' here, Rebecca’s organisation for supporting parents and healthcare professionals suffering from birth trauma or vicarious trauma.
4. Read more on the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk, “mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma”.
5. This 'Loving Kindness Meditation' will help you relax, reset and recharge. It’s only 15 minutes long and you don’t have to meditate - just close your eyes and listen. There’s no pressure to do anything, but it might just help you to relax. (Thank you to Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 for creating this specially for Blue MumDays.)
6. Learn more about award-winning...