American Presidents: Totalus Rankium (Rob and Jamie)

Hello! Welcome to the start of our exciting new podcast. We are going to decide just how interesting each president was. How were they as a statesman? Any scandal? How would their life play out as a film? What is their portrait like? 

This is a lighthearted look through US history where we search for all those interesting facts about the men who shaped a global superpower. This episode however, looks at the time before the presidents. Find out what the people of Jamestown ate after they ran out of shoe leather, why the 50th thanksgiving must have been awkward (apart from it not being a thing back then) and just how unimaginative were the colonists when it came to naming things. 

Here we are! We reach the final of American Presidents: Totalus Rankium! Only two presidents are left, and only one can win! But this is tricky - so to help us we have invited two genuine Americans on to argue for their president of choice! Jerry from The Presidencies Podcast and Alycia from Civics and Coffee Podcast! 

https://www.presidenciespodcast.com/about/

https://www.civicsandcoffee.com/

Update on why we have been away and what is happening next. Plus a Q&A session. 

As WWII breaks out, FDR enters an unprecedented third term - He has political battles ahead of him, as well as actual battles he desperately wants to avoid. Can he keep the US out of the war? Find out! (I mean, find out how he doesn't. We all know he doesn't.)

Last time we were quite impressed with Bush last time in early life. But what about now he is starting to run for president? Does he change? does he become Reagan's lapdog? a spineless jellyfish? hmmm. lets find out.

We now come to the father of the modern GOP: Ronald Reagan. The Actor! Just think what thoughts the young Reagan may have had: What will LA be like? Will I ever be a A-list star? And why were there so many damn commies around!? Find out in this episode!

We are back up  and running after a pesky pandemic knocked us down for a bit! Recording from our individual homes, we cover the early life of William McKinley. Is there more to this man than he loved a tariff? Join us as we revisit Haye's diaries and Rob introduces Jamie to the joys of Bruce Springsteen! 

So Harrison is dead. John Tyler is at home playing marbles (or spike-ball), completely unaware that his life is about to change forever. But how did he get to this point? And, the question on everyones lips, what exactly did Tyler get up to during John Tyler's Glorious Military Career? Join us for part one of his life. 

Ok, so he didn't do great last time, but now he is president, and with that comes the opportunity to wow us. Find out how he annoyed pretty much everyone, including his children, until he finally went away! Also: was he a pervy old man? Did he contribute to the almost-collapse of the republic? Did he have a *ahem* massive cannon? Find out!

So we begin! We start with George Washington pt.1 (from birth to the end of the War of Independence). If George wanted to be anything, it was to be a Proper Gentleman. He new all the rules: Work hard, stiff upper lip, don't brush your teeth with the tablecloth etc. Things were going... ok... But then a meeting was called to discuss those damned British. And Washington had just had that lovely blue uniform made... 

Polk was born a sickly child (perhaps with a massive head) His parent feared the worst, he couldn’t even hold down his job in the local shop. So how did he go from this to president? Did it involve hard work? Yes. Did it involve luck? Yes. Did it involve someone sticking a sharp implement somewhere near where the sun is known not to shine? Most definitely.

Polk is now in office and the youngest man ever to be so. He has declared that he will only serve one term, but he is determined to make his mark. In fact, he has a list: 4 things he wants to achieve. He is sure he can win the eternal fights, but can he take a large chunk of land off both Mexico and Britain at the same time? Find out!

Also, in this episode, we recommend the Presidencies of the United States Podcast.

We finish off Washington’s busy life by looking into how he went from winning the war, to being president. It was not an easy journey - there was political infighting, rebellions, the French, the British and so many distracting ladies. How is one supposed to set up a brand new republic in such conditions? 

Who's that man in the tatty hat sitting in the corner? Why, It's General Taylor of course! In between freaking out young officers in his army due to being a master of disguise, Taylor led an interesting life full of tales of death and love. Find out about his life up to the end of the Mexican war in part 1!

Taylor has come out on top during the Mexican war, and now is primed to become president. However, Polk hates him, his wife doesn’t want him to get the job and the Whigs are nervous… Is Taylor whiggy enough? Will he follow their plans? Will he tow the party line? And, this is important: will he drop down dead after a month like their last guy?

We move on to one of the lesser known presidents in US history. But was this man overlooked? does he deserve more spotlight? ... Probably not. But we are doing them all, so he gets his episodes! 

Fillmore did not get off to the best of starts last episode, so he has a lot to do to win us round this week. Let’s hope he doesn’t sign into law something that enforces a systemic enslaving of an oppressed people, or something like that…

It’s time to look at the fun loving Franklin Pierce. He loves nothing better than rough-housing his friends, having a drink or two and denying the rights of people who wish that slavery didn’t exist, all the the name of unity. What a fun guy! Find out just how exciting his military career was, and just why he seemed a little stressed on his first day as president. 

The country is divided, his party is divided, and he has just lost his last son. Pierce has a mammoth task ahead of him - unfortunately for the country, his party, and himself, he is no mammoth hunter. In this episode we cover how Pierce managed to make a couple of moves that does nothing but put the country in more peril.

James Buchanan has not gone down too well in history. His name is synonymous with the onset of the civil war. But was he really that bad? Well... quite possibly. But just how bad? I mean, his early life, surely that was not too bad? Find out in this week's Totalus Rankium! 

Often ranked among the worst of presidents and one of the people who helped bring on the civil war - find out just why this is as Rob explains it to an increasingly angry Jamie. 

It's a big one! A young axe-wielding turkey-murderer set out one day to find his fortune - little did he know that his path would lead him to become the president of a country on the verge of civil war. But just how did Abraham get there? How was he with the ladies? Did he tell a ripping good yearn? was he really all that honest? Find out in this week's Totalus Rankium (With improved sound!) 

The war is on! The south want to secede and carry on enslaving people, the north want the south to stay (and mostly carry on enslaving people). However, Lincoln is more and more thinking that this whole slavery thing is a bad idea. If only he could get at least one half decent general and win the war, perhaps he could put an end to it…

We are back (again) and we have part one of Harry Truman for you! Find out about farms, gangsters and dragons!

There was once a man born to humble beginning who managed to rise up and lead a nation through its most troubled times. His name was Lincoln. Johnson was born to humble beginnings also. About the same time as Lincoln. So he'll be as good. Yeah?

The country is torn apart, the war may be over but the president is dead - in steps Johnson; it is up to him to make sure that all the pain and suffering is not for nothing- that the country can learn from its mistakes and move forward. Sorry, he’s doing what? Oh dear…

During the Civil war, Lincoln needed someone, anyone, who would fight. Enter a general with a Greek name, a taste for drink and a 'bigger picture' attitude. Known as Hiram, Ulysses, Sam, 'Unconditional Surrender' and 'The Butcher', Grant went by many names, but who was he? Find out!

AUDIO: It would seem Jamie's mic dropped out during recording resulting in him seemingly recording his part from a small tin box. I've done the best i can to boost he volume, but I'm afraid he is a bit quiet throughout. 

Grant has won the civil war for the US, but now the peace needs to be won - and that apparently is a lot harder job. Surrounded by corrupt businessmen politicians, Grant wants to use his presidency to make the country a better place. But unfortunately the real world gets in the way...

On to the second of the knockout episodes. Who will it be? We have Obama, JQA, Madison and Teddy R. Only one can go through!

Rutherford B Hayes may not be the first name that comes to mind when you think of presidents, but he was the first with a good beard. He also, in his own words, was the sunniest man around. No event is too tragic for Rutherford not to meet with a smile and a note in his diary. Find out just what he was so cheerful about! 

Hayes has lived a life of happiness, kittens and rainbows so far - but now the Rock of Hayes’ optimism is about the hit the Hard Place of post war America. Something will have to give: either Hayes’ sunny perspective on life, or an increasingly corrupt, racist and divided govenment. Take your bets…

Our first Viking president! it's James Garfield. He is not very well known, but perhaps he is a hidden gem. Find out how his adventures on the seven seas went, his time during the war and discover just exactly why that money was 'resting' in his account.

Garfield is now president and is ready to deal with all the issues facing modern America. We spend this episode looking into how he deals with the corruption that is rife within the political - Hang on! What’s that!? 

Looks like we have something else to focus on this episode…

We start our look at the second president of the United States, the one and only John Adams (apart from the other John Adams who comes a bit later). In this episode we go from his childhood fishing, playing marbles and rearranging cattle, up to his adventures crossing the ocean blue on his way to France. Join us on a tale of love, betrayal, courtroom drama and pirates!

Arthur is not the most well known of presidents, but that does not mean he did not achieve much in his early life. Who else managed this level of corruption? Who else could claim to benefit from the patronage system so well? Who else was so much of a Conkling man? He may be a coaster, but damn it, he could coast like the best of them. 

Chester Arthur finds himself the first unwilling president of the United States. The bad news: He has done nothing but embrace a corrupt form of government his whole adult life - and now finds himself pushed to the top by a man who killed another president to allow this system to continue. The good news: He has a mighty moustache. Let's see how we rank him!

Adams arrives in Europe with his son, determined to get the fench on side with his team of diplomates. One problem: he hates his team, and he doesn't trust the french... 

In this episode, find out exactly how much John did to shape the role of Vice President, and how he was politically beaten up by his own party more than anyone else. 

He had a lot to live u to after Washington - find out if he is an A-meri-CAN, or A-meri-can't. 

Time to start knocking people out! In this group stage Eisenhower, FDR, Grant and LBJ go against each other one on one. Only one can go through, but who will it be? We also look at out sinners and losers in the Statesmanship round! 

Jamie and I will be at this year's online Intelligent Speech Conference! 

The conference has been going since 2019 and is full of history podcasters and other content creators. We are honoured to be back on the 8th of Feb. We will be talking about the deception on the public in regards to pirates. Did they have peg legs? What are the parrots about? Did they all shout "Arrrr!"? Join us and find out!

https://intelligentspeechonline.com/

Coolidge may be a man with hidden depths, but if he is, they are ocean-trench deep. Join us as we try and figure out if Coolidge has a dry wit and worked hard to get the top job, or he is a robot with a lot of luck.

This week we learn of the life of the third president up until his appointment as the secretary of state. Find out how Thomas came to write the Declaration of Independence, how he failed to ask someone to marry him, and how he often failed to be a decent human being while at the same time coming up with some fantastic ideas linked to freedom. 

Thomas becomes secretary of state after getting back from France, and from then on he is at the centre of Us politics. But how does he do? He has a dream of an agrarian utopia, but are his cheeses big enough? Are there too many Megalonyxs? Why have pirate declared war on them? And what is Burr up to now? Jefferson will have to overcome many obstacles if he wants to score high in this episode. 

As the 2020 presidential race unfolds while we record, Jamie and I attempt to stay focussed and talk about just how well Hoover managed the great depression. Spoiler: It does not go well. He is a 1 term president. 

We found it hard to figure out Coolidge last episode, but maybe this episode will clear things up. Find out what he got up to as president! Oh, and there is a vibrating horse and a rampaging bear in it. 

LBJ is not perhaps the most well known of the post war presidents. But why? Maybe if you dig deep down you will find a really good guy with a great character. Like, really deep. Bring some friends with shovels. 

He is now held in regard as the beloved ex-president - the sage old man. But when he was president he was not so well liked. So what is the truth behind the first person we have ever covered who is still alive!?

After a very eventful life Daddy Bush finally makes it to the top job! so what will he do with that? Sort out the economy! (Ah - maybe... there seems to be a couple of massive global political events going on also...)

In Nixon's final part we mostly cover the watergate scandal and then we judge him. I wonder if one will affect the other? 

Slight, small and stiff. This is how Madison was described by his contemporaries (about his personality - get your mind out the gutter). However, those that underestimated him soon learned: sharp things often come in small packages. Find out how Madison overcame his doubts and fear over his health to rise to become the co-leader of ‘Madison’s Party’. Oh, just hide any pets you may have…

We are half way! And what better way to celebrate than to chat through our rankings so far with the wonderful Jerry Landry from the Presidencies Podcast. Not only that, but we answer your questions (read in a variety of different accents by Jamie!) What more could you want?

It's time Madison meets Dolly. Fed up with politics, this wonderful woman reinvigerates Madison's zeal for political life. And he will need that zeal. Because the British and coming! The British are coming! With any luck they will be too distracted by Nepoleon's invas - what's that? Nepoleon's defeated? Oh dear... 

Bill in in the White House! But this is making some people very angry and determined to use anything they can find to bring him down. Will they find any dirt in his past? Something to do with the financials? Or maybe his personal life? - It's his treatment of women thing it was always going to be that it's the woman thing that's what they will find

Harding was never more popular than the day after he died, and then it all started to go wrong for him. So why has Harding's reputation taken such a battering in the last 100 years. Find out as we continue the Amazing Adventures of Warren and Jerry!

William Taft is an often overlooked president. Possibly because he seemed to sail through life with people shoving doors open for his sail boat (metaphors getting a bit mixed there). But this does not mean he is not interesting! This episode we cover his early life and what was going on in the Philippines at the turn of the century.

Eisenhower may have become supreme commander of the world (or something like that) before becoming president, but what was his life like up to that point? Did he blind anyone? Did he get to know his driver? Did he invent the stealth tank? Find out!

Using all the silver spoons, Jack has become president. But now what? Will he use his powers of mediocracy for good? Find out!

It’s tough being the poor boy in the class, even when you own hundreds of acres of land and dozens of slaves. But one day the young James Monroe was shot in the shoulder. Then everything started to come together - The great George Washington knows him, he is becoming friends with Thomas Jefferson, and he can shoot a squirrel at a 100 yards. With these attributes behind him, the sky is the limit.

Monroe arrives back home to find that his so-called friends are not being nice enough to him. But he will show them! he will run for president! He will- ah, ok. Maybe not this time. But who knows? Maybe this war will convince people he is the man for the top job…

Exciting news! Our Senate Patreon series on the founding fathers and those that lived in the revolutionary era is starting this weekend! Find out about how to listen in this announcement.

Link to patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/TotalusRankium?fan_landing=true 

The final group and only one can go through! Who will it be? Lollipop Hayes, Mad Mad Jackson, Poor Rich JFK, or Father Madison? Find out! 

We also look at Canvasibility: who has the best portrait?  

It’s not easy when your father is one of the most important men in the (albeit short) history of your country. There is a lot of pressure on young JQA to get it right. So after learning all the languages, and understanding Milton and getting to (ahem) know the locals in Sweden, he is hoping his life will get on track. If only he could sort his handwriting out…

After spending some time getting to know the Tzar and the war torn countries of Europe, John finds himself back home. He has plans. Big plans. He can see just how to make the US as rich in culture, and as strong economically as Europe. All he has to do is get people to stop laughing at him. And if only that oaf Jackson would just go away... 

We come to the second semi final where the two winners of group C and D face off against each other! The winner here will face the other finalist to see who wins American Presidents: Totalus Rankium! 

Plus: We look into which era of the USA had the best presidents! 

This is just a quick intro recorded after we got to the end just to keep people updated on what we are doing.

So at last we come to the end! Join us as we rate the last president in the series! Trump has dominated political life in teh US for almost a decade, but how do we rate him? Find out!

After the chaos of Nixon, Ford is not as well known. So who was this all American footballer done good? Where did he come from? Find out!

We now arrive at one of the more controversial presidents in US history: Jackson has a bit of a, shall we say, reputation. In this episode we explore his early life and his rise up to the battle that made him famous. Was he a controversial man before he became president? Find out! 

Ok, so he wasn't the greatest of guys before he became president. But maybe he can make up for it in today's episode? Maybe?

After New Orleans, Jackson finds himself one of the most popular men in the country. He has a head full of idea as to how the country should be run, and it starts with those in power not being in power any more. What does this mean for the Republic? Find out as we rate Andrew Jackson, one of the most controversial presidents.

This week we look at which is the best/most interesting political Party in US history. But most importantly we decide who goes through to the final! 

He is known as the president during WWI, but was there more to Wilson? What about his early life? Did he do anything other than study? Not really, but some interesting stuff happened around him, so join us and find out!

William McKinley is not winning any points for being an interesting person (literally - spoilers) but he did live in interesting times. Join us as we manage to skirt round diving in depth on tariffs and instead discuss The American-Spanish war, the lesser known American-Philippine war and William’s fun day out at the fair.

So we come to Tricky Dick. Well known for a long time for being the stain on American presidential history - but is that deserved? Well, let's start with his pre watergates/presidential life shall we...

This week we visit the sleepy village of Kinderhook and see what is going on there. What’s this? A tavern with an ambitious, well dressed boy tending bar? With dreams of re-creating his beloved Republican party? See how this boy becomes the ‘Little Magician’ and places the First Democratic President in the White House.

He didn’t do too badly in our first episode. But now Van Buren is at the top, and can he stay there? Everything is looking good: he has a new party behind him and the support of Jackson, surely nothing can go wrong. Whats that? The money isn’t working anymore? Why not? Oh, that’s not good, is it?

Surprise release! We managed to find a bit of time between packing, and attempting to do our jobs remotely. So here is Franklin part 1. Find out what a man born with all the silver spoons can do with his life!

Just a little update to let you all know how we are and what our plans are.

We now have ranked all the presidents. But now the real challenge begins. 17 got the coveted AmeriCAN. 16 will be put into round of 4 to battle their way to a final. Who is in what round? Find out! 

Wilson is in the Whitehouse. He has a simple plan: make the USA a better place to live in and stay out of the World War. Oh, and he'd quite like to do some racist stuff also. See which ones he manages! 

Did you know that the United States of America was ruled by an emperor for 21 years during the 19th century? Well, it was. This is a one off special episode on the amazing Emperor Norton I while we try to get to grips with recording while on lockdown.

We now come to one of the most famous and inspiring leaders in US history - the one all the history books are about, the one that- sorry? Lincoln’s later? Oh. I suppose it’s William Harrison this time then. He is famous for one thing, and one thing only. But at time of recording, Jamie does not know what that is. This episode however, we look at his early life: His time as a apprentice Dr, his time in the army, his dealings with Tecumseh, and obviously - his log cabin.

The stage is set: the war hero William H Harrison is ready to take the country into a new golden age. The spoils system: Gone! Jacksonian policies: Gone! Time to set the country on the right track… cough cough cough

Jimmy Carter has the honour of being the first living person we have covered. In this episode find out about his early life, his smile, and his not so humble peanut farm!

Big Steve is now in the white house, and he has his mind on one thing: his dead friend’s daughter. Once married however, he settles down to some good old fashioned tariff debate. Don’t worry though, we talk about plenty of other things: ballbat, the new colossus, rail strikes and open yacht surgery!

W. wants to be president, but before he can do that he has to get through one of the most controversial elections in US history. But once he is in, I'm sure he is in for a smooth ride...

In episode 1 of Bill Clinton we look at his life before being president. Did he inhale? Did he dodge the draft? Did he sleep with all the women? Yes. Yes he did.

Before Dubya Bush, there was Daddy Bush. he is perhaps the most overlooked of modern presidents due to his single term, but who was this man? What was his early life? Find out in ep1!

Where do we start with Theodore Roosevelt? We decided on his birth, but it's a struggle fitting everything in after that. Join us as we look at arguably the most action packed life of any president!

We come to the last episode of Dubya. A lot happened during his presidency but will he step up to the plate? Will he seize the moment? Will he, when it comes down to it, do a good job? Will he &*%@

That's right! If you can see this then that means that our third podcast Pirates Totalus Rankium is out! Search for it by using the words Pirates, Totalus and Rankium! 

We go onto group C - otherwise known as the Group of Death! With three of the 4 Mount Rushmore Presidents in one group, who will go through? Licoln, Washington, Jefferson or Reagan!?

Benjamin has navigated through a life full of war, politics and cucumbers, but now he faces his biggest challenge: to live up to his grandfather's memory and lead the United States as president. However, it would appear the solution to everything is... tariffs! Listen while Rob attempts to convince Jamie that talking about tariffs is important!

Grover Cleveland, or Big Steve to his friends, wanted to be a lawyer. So when he uncle gave him the opportunity he went for it. From then on he goes from one job to the next until he finds himself president! Shame about all the skeletons in the cupboard…

Part 2 of our three part look at Roosevelt. In this episode he becomes governor of New York and then President all while the economy is weeping in a cupboard somewhere. So how does he do? Find out!

In this election special episode we are lucky enough to get to chat to the people behind Wicked Game: American Elections. They have covered every American president election in US history, and we get to pick their brains about the most recent one. How it played out, and predictions for the future! 

Part 2 of 3 of President Nixon. We cover his first term as president, otherwise known as 'not the watergate stuff'. So we figure it must be all good and scandal free right? Right? 

Part 2 of Trump and in this episode we leave his business career behind and say hello to his political career! So thats fun. Join us as we cover the election and the tumultuous first 2 years of his presidency! 

Here we go... time to look into one of the most controversial presidents in US history - Donald J Trump. In this episode its all about his pre-presidential life. Was he a business genius? How did the casinos do? Who is John Barron? Who needs that much gold paneling in their home? Find out!

Kennedy is one of the biggest names in US Presidential history. But how did he become the worlds youngest elected US president? Was it through hard work? Was it? or something else? Find out!

We have covered his early life as an all American football star and war hero - now for part two where... he... erm... becomes president despite no one wanting him and he annoys everyone? Yep.