9 Chickweed Rage (Jeff Drake, Brooke Dillman)

After Edda "cures" Amos's hiccups, he takes the stage, first without his cello (hilarious!) and then with it. His performance, which is of course watched via satellite by all of his family and friends, inspires so much passion, that Juliette fucks Elliott on the couch right next to Nan. It also inspires Isabel to have sex with her boyfriend and Seth to make up with Mark, who appears here as a doll or small child. Amos finishes his performance and everyone there loses their minds, throwing their programs in the air and then roses at Amos and Edda. Naturally, the judges unanimously award the grand prize to Amos, who honestly looks like he doesn't give a shit and would rather be anywhere else but there. The victory is short-lived because of the sex tape that everyone saw. You know, because that caused an unfair advantage. Amos asks for another juried performance and then fucks Edda at the press conference. And that's where we leave Brussels, because this just goes on and on and we've truly had enough. (Part 3 of 3) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Two Belgian perverts listen to Amos & Edda have sex, Amos & Edda finish having sex, Amos forgets his cello, then Amos forgets he's at a competition are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1627658453236981760?s=20). Amos & Edda begin their performance, the audience falls in love, Juliette & Elliott have sex next to Gran, and Isabel accosts her boyfriend are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1627658456625991681?s=20). Seth reunites with Mark, the audience throws their programs, the audience throws roses, and Amos gives Edda a rose are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1627658459931119619?s=20). Brooke Mac-El-Dee makes an ellipsis joke, Edda floats up to heaven, Amos and Edda get a phone call, and Edda finally has to tell Amos about the sex tape are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1627658463382994944?s=20). Amos doesn't care about the sex tape and Amos & Edda have sex at a press conference are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1627658466302230528?s=20). This award-winning, then award-losing episode includes: Drug commercials Resting heart rates The Actor's Nightmare Broadway Stupid computers Lurking outside doors Claude the Cat Showgirls Yo-Yo Ma performs Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1prweT95Mo0). "Great Balls of Fire" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F569_t2jCio) by Jerry Lee Lewis Poltergeist The clown scene is here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZOnLUt7OI4) and starts at 2:22. The vulva Sex in front of your mom Turtlenecks! Console TVs, much like this one (https://www.ebay.com/itm/174787590138?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-117182-37290-0&mkcid=2&mkscid=101&itemid=174787590138&targetid=1262749491542&device=c&mktype=&googleloc=9031194&poi=&campaignid=14859008593&mkgroupid=130497710760&rlsatarget=pla-1262749491542&abcId=9300678&merchantid=6296724&gclid=Cj0KCQiAi8KfBhCuARIsADp-A55qOrLDnpRrQ2lb9akFKcqkCiQVzgDHs-4dkQ0WG44bXsm_nWKByFUaAtXSEALw_wcB). Raggedy Andy Doll Bats! Caligula Roses Melissa Manchester sings (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGmYnKsuSh0) "Please Don't Let This Feeling End." Ellipses! E.T. More turtlenecks! Sweet Greens Souplantation Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Here we are introduced to 60-year-old Arthur Peel and his assistant Nan-Lin Peel (no relation), who is thirty years younger than him. Arthur excuses himself for being a disgusting old man, with a balding head, hair coming out of his ears and nose and eyebrows, wattles, and flapping flesh. These are his descriptions of himself, although Brooke Mac-El-Dee doesn't take the time to actually draw him that way. He is balding, but he has thin, very well groomed eyebrows, no visible wattles and few wrinkles to speak of. He repeats this stuff over and over to Nan-Lin, who seems bored and beaten down by his monologue. (You and us both, sister!) Of course, when Arthur adds that he is in love with her, this changes everything for Nan-Lin, who then literally crawls across a table to kiss him. Arthur, in typical Chickweed style, doesn't understand what's happening or that Nan-Lin wants his wrinkly and flapping Johnson. He looks terrified and concerned for all fourteen (yeah, sorry) of these strips. She even gets up on the table and presents her beave to him. Still, he doesn't fucking understand what's going on. Because...it's funny, I guess? Anyway, she eventually slides into his lap and then they disappear under the table. At this point, we discover that they are in a restaurant. The waiter arrives and is unfazed by their near-fucking in the booth. So much so, he takes their order, and then seats two other guests across from them. These guests, Seth and his boyfriend, don't notice that there's a couple moments away from intercourse across the booth from them. And they begin to make out too. At this point, both couples notice each other. Embarrassed (?) Arthur and Nan-Lin bolt from the restaurant, but not before Arthur gives the waiter a huge tip. The waiter then claims he's in love. Which must be a joke, but isn't funny really. And also makes no sense in any context provided. But what the fuck were we expecting anyway, right? The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Arthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh, Arthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh AGAIN, and Arthur talks about his wattles but NOT his flapping flesh ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1655737341502451712?s=20). Nan-Lin presents her beave, Nan-Lin ends up in Arthur's lap, and Arthur and Nan-Lin end up lying down in a booth in a restaurant ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1655737343490535426?s=20). The waiter arrives to take their order, Nan-Lin and Arthur hear the waiter but just keep dry humping, and the waiter seats another couple opposite them ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1655737345512202240?s=20). Seth and Mark immediately begin to make out, Seth and Mark notice Arthur and Nan-Lin, and the waiter insists on a big tip ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1655737347315728385?s=20). The phrase "get a room" is uttered and the waiter falls in love with giant money ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1655737349370974209?s=20). This key party-adjacent episode includes: What is the name of our favorite celebratory march? Cell phones in cars 2008 Mercury Mariner Hybrid Classic moment (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT0CScFzp1o) from The Man With Two Brains. Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK_LN3XEcnw). Brooke's Broadway musical Defibrillator Paper pants MRIs Metal underwear/chastity belts/codpieces Where "Bust a moo" originally came from (https://www.movieposters.com/products/home-on-the-range-mpw-8275). Adam Godley "Hot in Herre" by Nelly (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeZZr_p6vB8) McEldowney ellipsis Ball wattles Gilbert & Sullivan Classical symphony orgasm (https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/la-philharmonic-concert-loud-and-full-body-orgasm-b2330648.html) Pro-butt/Am-butt 21 Beave Salute Motorboating Laura Ingalls Wilder Turtlenecks Shrek Bluey's "cone of shame!" episode (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkj66AEODE4) Throuples The Case of the Disappearing Mustache! Scooby Doo Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

In order to fully understand the courtship of Fleurrie & Sven Spocket, we dive into an epic 10-strip sequence. Do we also talk about a handful of strips that we're not supposed to be talking about? Of course we do. Is their "romance" as disgusting and needlessly horny as we expected? Sadly, it is even more so. Yeah. We weren't happy about that either. Speaking of not happy, Brooke promised Jeff "4 or maybe 5" comic strips and then brought TEN to the table, making Jeff angry before he even looked at a single panel. Of course, Sven is slightly clueless about Fleurrie's intentions, because he's a male character in this godforsaken comic strip. But it's more than that. We discover that Sven is also a virgin who has been saving himself for his wedding night. We revisit Brooke McEldowney's habit of referring to sexual inexperience as a "new car smell." Which is so very, very gross. Only this time, it's a woman saying it about a man! So...hooray for equality? We don't subject you to the wedding, but we do dive into the honeymoon. Which is gross. Because: What else would it be?! Is there a strip that basically shows Fleurrie & Sven fucking? Like actually in the middle of fucking? You bet! It's supposed to be romantic, but it's obvious that Sven would prefer the company of livestock. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first two are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1574046622111014912?s=20&t=EKcR5S3zl9s8cgtHplVXww). The boner trilogy can be viewed here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1574046627550986240?s=20&t=EKcR5S3zl9s8cgtHplVXww). Dumb Sven on his wedding night is here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1574046632278048769?s=20&t=EKcR5S3zl9s8cgtHplVXww). The fucking and the weird aftermath are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1574046637067935745?s=20&t=EKcR5S3zl9s8cgtHplVXww). This episode's extra horny journey includes: SIM cards The Girl From Ipanema Denmark Diet Coke Brach's Autumn Mix Candy Corn McEldowney Ellipses GU Packets Harvest Mix Walgreen's Bananas Fleurrie & Sven Spocket French Rococo Paul Lynde Australian accents Human Kite Chicken fights Marriage proposals Docks Drill team routines Deflated balloons Queen Harry Caray Thermos G-strings & Speedos Boners Amos Silhouettes Deltoids (but we meant trapezius) More boners So many ellipses Virgins & the "new car smell" Implied beastiality Honeymoon Animaniacs The Vet-lise Dutch Angle Karate Gi Bowl cut The Thousand-Yard Stare Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers Show Notes The Girl From Ipanema (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5QfXjsoNe4) Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1Km6E_0sLg). An actual Australian accent (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTVU1RE3mU). "Another One Bites the Dust" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE) How to carry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkYzuycYCU8) livestock. The Dutch Angle (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9FUEScjB1U&t=1s) is only ever used to show that something is wrong. The best of Gadget Hackwrench (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spSJZWxhRNk). Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Neither of us was ready for Brooke McEldowney to introduce us to a filthy sock puppet named Sphinxter. But he did it anyway. Here, Sphinxter takes on internet trolls, or as McEldowney calls them, "anonymous onliners." If you're wondering if Sphinxter has a literal butthole for a mouth, he does. And we see it A LOT. In the end, McEldowney claims victory over the trolls and throws Sphinxter away. It's super fun! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Sphinxter gets introduced, states his thesis, and accosts Juliette & Elliott on the street right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1596916594911113216?s=20&t=22cX8UtP1t_ydjYB08_pSw). Sphinxter uses a typewriter to address internet trolls, Juliette attacks Sphinxter, and then throws him away right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1596916600514306048?s=20&t=22cX8UtP1t_ydjYB08_pSw). This episode's butthole-filled journey includes: Taking Brooke McEldowney to court Dolly the dog Class-Action Lawsuit Thorax Sock puppet Muppets Washing machines Oxy-Clean Dishwashing pods Sphinxter Popsicle sticks Lomi Mark Cuban Elon Musk Emeralds into diamonds Twitter "Onliners" Typewriters Cloaca Munchausen Syndrome Judy Garland Stockholm Syndrome So many turtlenecks! Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

We do our best to figure out where this stupid comic strip all allegedly takes place, but we get distracted. I mean, it's sort of what we do, right? Along the way, Juliette climbs over a couch that looks like a hot dog bun, Uncle Ethel becomes Auntie Ethel for no obvious reason, Edda does gymnastics in a subway, Edda and Amos fuck on a busy city street. Guys, the wheels really come off the wagon this episode. In short, we don't really get to the bottom of where this dumb strip actually takes place. But we do talk about Circus Dick Syndrome and the FM radio stations we grew up with. So, that's something I guess. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1818052122451263589), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C-Bgzm6Sgzb/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This geographically puzzling episode includes: Paddington 2 Babe Hugh Grant London Sting James Brown Gymnastics in the subway Fucking on a New York city street Edible underwear Aarkvard Seminary School "Fuck it, we'll do it live (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXZj4Wy58Pk)!" Circus Dick Syndrome Drinking plain water KY-102 Q104 Modern rock Aerosol cheese Cheez Whiz A-1 Steak Sauce Sure Deoderant Figurines Enjoli Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

We could not resist the gravitational pull of the international cello competition that Amos won. You remember it, right? He and Edda got caught on camera (by a news balloon of course) having sex and then people complained that the sex tape (which everyone in the world saw) gave Amos an unfair advantage. So now we dive into the aftermath. It's 20 strips this episode, sorry guys! It's a re-match between Amos and Xiulan Yuan, and the competition will happen behind a screen and the contestants will have to switch cellos. Because of course both of those things make sense. For no good reason at all, other than Brooke McEldowney's hatred of women maybe, Edda hates Xiulan and decides to be a racist right to her face. It's fine (and funny?) I guess because Xiulan doesn't speak English. The competition happens, behind the screen, in front of an audience who paid good money to look at a screen on a stage. Instead of feeling ripped off, the audience hears Amos's cello playing and starts fucking basically. Just like always. Even people listening on a streaming broadcast end up fucking. Amos wins, of course, although he appears bored to be there for the entirety of the run. To cap it off, two nuns scissor from the joy of it. Pretty fucking typical for this comic strip. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Headlines explain the outrage, Juliette phones Edda in Brussels, and Amos switches cellos ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406916313645056?s=20). Seth wants Amos to "moitelize" Xiulan, Isabel Florin says an indecipherable four word phrase, and Edda quotes Rocky ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406918796496897?s=20). Amos wishes Xiulan luck, Edda is a racist, and Juliette wishes Seth wasn't gay ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406922185641984?s=20). Amos and Xiulan draw straws, Edda fogs up Amos's glasses, and we see a screen on a stage ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406924790325248?s=20). Edda plays the one-key piano filled with milk, Edda and Amos are overcome with the passion of playing, and we see their weird sex arms, too many of which are left arms ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406927155625986?s=20). Everyone listening starts fucking, second prize is awarded, and Edda flings her body toward a bored Amos ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406930024558593?s=20). Amos changes into a blue suit for the on-stage celebration and two nuns do it ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1665406933099003907?s=20). This episode, which was performed behind a screen, includes: Winnebago Man VHS Cut my gums off Silly Putty New Math "Love is in the Air" by John Paul Young (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNC0kIzM1Fo) The World Wide Web Once Upon a One More Time (https://onemoretimemusical.com/) on Broadway Ripped from the headlines The Speed Cubers on Netflix (https://www.netflix.com/title/81092143) Turtlenecks Edda's tragic baldness Benjamin Franklin Enslaved by the exclamation point Macaroni microphone Jeff Beck Bugs Bunny The Bowery Boys Rocky Sea cucumbers The Bluey episode called "Pavlova" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NqbB79mVyc) The Price is Right and Truth or Consequences Dutch angles Two left arms Full corn niblet mouth Scissoring nuns Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

So, there's this giant white rabbit named McTwo. He's imaginary and he only shows up during sex. Seems like it was Juliette's burden to carry originally, but lately McTwo has branched out to watch Edda & Amos. But then we discover that he's apparently doing something more than just watching, because he creates a stain on a couch that Edda & Amos can see. So can Edda's roommate Seth, who is so disgusted by it that he literally barfs. First the stain is described as "marks," then a "spot," then a "blotch" that grows in size to resemble Maine. (I wish I was making up some part of this, but I'm not.) McTwo explains that it's "ectoplasm" and it always looks like Maine. McTwo asks Juliette and Edda to join him saying the antiquated and pointless word "floccinaucinihilipilification." Then the three of them sing a barbershop quartet song together. Yes. The three of them sing four-part harmony. We try to make sense of it all, as is our job. But, wow, this bunch of comic strips is A LOT. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The fun begins with angry Juliette right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1589492918909538304?s=20&t=2DnTfU5xjlR2TRGuyPsOCg). The "marks," the "spot," and the "blotch" are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1589493935013265410?s=20&t=2DnTfU5xjlR2TRGuyPsOCg). That big dumb word, the singing, and the confusing ending are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1589493940474253312?s=20&t=2DnTfU5xjlR2TRGuyPsOCg). This episode's ectoplasmic journey includes: Toilet paper Cottonelle vs. Charmin One of those horrible "Enjoy the Go" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QJbJeHEvok) commercials. I mean, Jesus, get over yourself, Charmin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=028cCeHunNc)! Juliette & Elliott McTwo Hepetitis & Jaundice John Mayer's "quarterlife crisis," otherwise known as "Why Georgia (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsIQbm9FkZk)." York Peppermint Pattie Amos & Edda Hogtying Ice Cream Seth, the roommate The Rock Ectoplasm Maine Where exactly is South Berwick, ME (https://www.google.com/maps/place/South+Berwick,+ME+03908/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x89e2a3a06bc98999:0x6864dbb13de2e7d8?sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjFgJvM5Jn7AhUjLUQIHf1kBQoQ8gF6BAhwEAE)? Poppy from Seinfeld (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xy5QuXSys8). Interrobang How to pronounce floccinaucinihilipilification (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JByI3gJBvZk). "Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc76L6etF3I) Chuck Jones' sad eyes (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/583427326730951954/). Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Inspired by the 4th of July (I guess), we go all the way back to the beginning and take a look at the very first Chickweed strips. Brooke Mac-El-Dee comes right out of the gate with Juliette talking with Edda about physical attractiveness and how that's very important to catch a man. Edda at this point is maybe 12, so this is a TOTALLY NORMAL AND APPROPRIATE conversation for a mother to have. But don't worry. Things get WAY MORE inappropriate pretty quickly. Isn't it comforting to know that this horrible comic strip was horrible in exactly the same ways from the beginning? Following up Juliette's lessons in female attractiveness, pre-teenage Edda already expresses what can only be described as Championship Level Body Dysmorphia. Classic Mac-El-Dee! There's a whole Sunday strip about a fly. Twelve-year-old Amos, who looks either drowned or electrocuted or both, spends an entire strip sniffing Edda...at her request of course. Sophia Loren's "bosom" is described as "proud." Edda shames her mother for not getting boned on a date. Then later the two of them celebrate Juliette finding her boyfriend's "button" and "pushing it." Which I suppose means she had sex. Edda encourages Amos to imagine random adults they're looking at naked. So that's totally cool also. And finally we spend about ten solid minutes trying to figure out what "I'll just serve you a colossal jong-jong" means. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Juliette teaches Edda about the necessity of being attractive and Edda expressing her complicated body dysmorphia ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1681133741673172992?s=20). A Sunday strip all about a dumb fly and Amos uncomfortably and repeatedly sniffing Edda ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1681133743338315779?s=20). Sophia Loren's "proud bosom," Juliette's inability to transform a man into a "gelatinous blob of slavering desire," and Amos showing his leg to some other boys ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1681133745057980417?s=20). Juliette talks to Edda about finding and pushing her boyfriend's button, Edda and Amos imagining adult strangers naked, and the famous colossal jong-jong ARE HERE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1681133746786045953?s=20). This gelatinous, colossal episode includes: 4th of July Joey Chestnut Eating harmonicas Christmas Free Will Major League Eating "76 Trombones (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdd6q0pW4DM)" from The Music Man Funnel Cakes Pizza Hut P'Zone Dutch ovens Twinkies International waters Barbie dolls Lauren Bacall Muppets Telly the Monster Dorothy Hamill Scent of a Woman and Al Pacino's catchphrase (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dNeIAxll2A) Sophia Loren Slavering Imagining everyone naked Fast Times at Ridgemont High The Colossal Jong-Jong Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

What better way to start the new year than to take a look at the first Chickweed Lanes of 2024? Well, I guess it might be better to NOT look at them at all. But that's really not on the table for us, now, is it? Please excuse Jeff sounding like he's broadcasting from inside a tin can. He was literally inside a tin can. Once again, get ready to enjoy some smooth jazz segues, because the technical problems again befall us. But we soldier on and find ourselves back in the world of ear-kissing and the familiar restaurant booths with seat-backs of varying heights (and nothing on the tables of course). Xiulan insists that her husband Hugh kiss Edda's ear, which he does without hesitation. Polly and Lolly practice piano, which for some fucking reason bothers Edda. There's more about kissing ears, then Amos decides to kiss Edda's neck, which is so very difficult what with all of the fucking turtlenecks everywhere. Then we end our episode with more Polly and Lolly. It's shocking (or is it?) that a random sampling of the first 8 strips from 2024 give us all of the things that are so tiresome and annoying about the strip. That, we suppose, is the genius of Brooke Mac-El-Dee. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1751963970750325138?s=20), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C2r74dyL7EK/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This fully turtlenecked episode includes: Jazz! Lalo Schifrin Champagne Turtlenecks! Greedo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2cajwgDyLM) from Star Wars Rectum? Hell, it killed 'em both! McEldowney Ellipsis Ear kissing Even more turtlenecks! Piano practice So many turtlenecks! Kissing your Ben Franklin The jazz flute (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c_ufaxeSTs) from Anchorman Full William Frawley Connect Four (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0rFtlKZk30) Winnie the Pooh Attack of the 50-Foot Woman Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

So, the government really did bug Edda's bikini bottoms. And her response to that is to dangle her recently removed bikini from a window to confuse the agents of the Creepy National Furtiveness Agency (you know, the CNFA). Somehow, Edda knows to lower the bikini bottom down to the open window (she knows it's open somehow?) where two children are talking about inflatable office buildings. As if "inflatable office building" is a toy that children can buy and/or would be interested in for some reason. The children talking about "blowing up" these inflatable buildings convinces the CNFA that actual buildings are being exploded. So they arrest Amos & Edda (hooray!) only to let them go immediately (boo!). They explain that they overheard the plot on Edda's bugged bikini bottom. Edda, wearing a dress, explains that she is not in fact wearing her bikini bottom under her dress. Because that is something that needs to be clarified. Edda talking about not wearing her bikini bottom convinces the CNFA agents that she's likely not wearing underwear, I guess. So it short circuits their brains, because that's what women talking about undergarments does to men ALWAYS. Edda & Amos leave the short-circuited agents in their apartment and go to dinner. And at dinner, Edda tells Amos she's not wearing her bikini bottom and that short-circuits him too. Because men are incapable of hearing about undergarments without being paralyzed. Fun stuff! (Part 2 of 2) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Prince Valiant and the Hyena Girl examine the inflatable office buildings here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1579139678393237504?s=20&t=mSGuuhAbe4_ToGTx-mDr7g). Things escalate and Edda & Amos are arrested here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1579139684352999424?s=20&t=mSGuuhAbe4_ToGTx-mDr7g). Adult human men are incapacitated when a woman speaks about her undergarments here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1579139689788846080?s=20&t=mSGuuhAbe4_ToGTx-mDr7g). This episode's bottom-less journey includes: Swedish accent Diminishing returns Brooke's (Dillman) home phone number Microphones McEldowney's horrible blog "As Time Goes By" Alan Dean Foster Pibgorn Amos & Edda Prince Valiant Hyena Dick jokes Greek mythology Dominatrixes Looking For Mr. Goodbar Goodyear Blimp Murder Mysteries Inflatable Cotton Exchange The Lehman Trilogy Erector Sets The New York Central Office Building Sirens Urine Duane Reade Headphones Richard Belzer / Jay Leno Show Notes The best of the Swedish Chef (https://youtu.be/YN1hL9cn7s0). If you want to read the Brooke McEldowney interview (https://chickweedcafe.blogspot.com/p/alan-dean-foster-asks.html), you can't claim you weren't warned. "As Time Goes By" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d22CiKMPpaY) from Casablanca Bathe in the magnificence of the Prince Valiant haircut (https://www.google.com/search?q=prince+valiant+haircut&sxsrf=ALiCzsaosWGe5UqbdoEG4sOJTOi8ca0QVw:1665173499169&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjl1qDX9s76AhVcLkQIHVeACr8Q_AUoAXoECAIQAw&biw=1318&bih=754&dpr=1). What exactly is a Gorgon (https://www.britannica.com/topic/Gorgon)? Is a dominatrix always a sexual thing? I mean, not necessarily, but also yes, probably (https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/what-is-a-dominatrix)? That Old Black Magic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qpjxx9BOm-0) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

First of all, we recorded on Brooke Dillman's actual birthday. That was fun. To celebrate, we welcomed our first-ever guest Adam Grosswirth to the podcast. He tipped us off to the disgusting storyline about Polly & Lolly wanting to fuck the same guy...and both basically being okay with the fact that they might just do that. It's a truly upsetting journey, that we only cover the tiniest fraction of. Oh man, the Mac-El-Dee sure loves writing about this tired masturbatory fantasy. They're both in love with a guy named Alistair, who appears to be in his mid-30s. But SURPRISE! He's 16. Look at a picture. You won't believe it either. He's as sixteen as any of the cast members of Beverly Hills 90210 were. Even less so. Anyway, Alistair's courtship of the twins begins with him asking both of them out on one date, because he doesn't want to choose. Also, they're obviously not individual human beings but identical fantasy fucktoys! Seems impossible that someone would ever accuse Mac-El-Dee of being a feminist. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1830800511823671634) or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C_cGP8up0MM/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This disgusting episode includes: Lemonheads Brooke Dillman's Birthday Gadget Hackwrench from Rescue Rangers Trios for six hands Masturbation Bosoms Mac Tonight Poitrines Anything Goes Benny Hill George Carlin The Ben Franklins Skibidi Toilet Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/). Special Guest: Adam Grosswirth.

This episode, Brooke brings four completely wordless 9 Chickweed Lane strips to the podcast. Would words have helped some of these strips? I think we all know the answer to that is: Probably not. We discover that Go Comics has three separate sections of this god-forsaken comic: 9 Chickweed Lane, 9 Chickweed Lane Classics, and Staff Favorites. From the Classics category, we see Edda dancing and Edda watching Edda dancing, if that makes any sense. Chances are it doesn't, which is totally on-brand. McEldowney's (almost certain) nudism is again discussed. Sven & Fleurette "Fleurry" Spocket are introduced, along with their calf, who is either their pet or lover. Both? Edda confuses a mysterious dog for her husband Amos. And finally, Edda dives into a pool for reasons that you seriously will not believe. We discover that Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) would forgive this comic strip if only every installment ended with a picture of a dog covering his eyes with a paw out of embarrassment. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first three are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1566137704588267520?s=20&t=16g6ovDH823K4lR-m_t3qQ) The big Sunday strip is here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1566137849551892480?s=20&t=16g6ovDH823K4lR-m_t3qQ) This episode's word-free journey includes: Our mission statement Tongue twisters Edda Ballet Mirrors Opera glasses Nudists Sven & Fleurette "Fleurrie" Spocket Juliette's sick bull Veterinarians PhDs Gutter cleaners French Rococo, specifically Jean-Honoré Fragonard Cowl neck sweaters Dickies Kickstarter Vet-lise: The Briefcase for Veterinarians Eyes Wide Shut Throuples 1,000 Monkeys Piano recital Breaking Bad Amos Diving The Wrong-Way Taco Shark Tank Rubik's Cube Drabble Secret 90 Dickweed Balls Show Notes Peculiarly (https://youtu.be/qdbQTisIniE) Go Comics (https://www.gocomics.com/) The racial slur controversy. (https://rafu.com/2021/12/comic-strip-criticized-for-use-of-racial-slur/) Perineum (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/perineum) 1970s white turtleneck dickie sweater (https://www.etsy.com/listing/1154597266/1970s-white-turtleneck-dickie-sweater) Eyes Wide Shut masks (https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=548156018857108) Infinite Monkey Theorem (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

As it turns out, Juliette is a professor. But she's more than that, she's also a total asshole. She treats the new Visiting Assistant Professor -- or Vizassprof -- horribly, all for our entertainment! Because what's more fun than evergreen jokes about the upper echelons of academia? Nothing, if you ask ol' Brooke Mac-El-Dee. Here we get a solid ten-strip run of nothing but professorial hilarity, as a Vizassprof named Britneigh (spelled that way for literally no reason), comes to Juliette for advice? We can only guess that's what originally compelled her. Of course, Juliette is immediately a cunt to her, but then also has no physical boundaries with her and definitely crosses some professional lines. She touches her chin lightly, she grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her super close, she hugs her unexpectedly, and then brings up ear nibbling out of nowhere. Were this a male-female dynamic, no one would doubt that the professor was trying to viz this prof's ass. Zing! Good one, Jeff & Brooke! Mr. Mac-El-Dee has a lot, we mean A LOT, of thoughts about the underwear worn by female professors. But of course it's hard to tell whether his understanding of women's underthings is any more advanced than the understanding of a nine-year-old boy. After all, he uses the phrase "two-piece tiger thong," which is, in itself, nonsensical. But that's just par for the course here, guys. Just more of his typical bullshit. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1798521840144707874), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C72uylPPawp/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This two-piece thonged episode includes: High school reunion Glass straws Diet Coke Sneezing Chicken N Pickle (https://chickennpickle.com/) Running in hot weather "Pegging the red" "Rocket Man" by Elton John France / Speaking French Turtlenecks! The end of 2001: A Space Odyssey (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGQ6B0RNSG4) Septic tanks Underwire bras Crab-claw hands Red Lobster Smocks Automats McEldowney ellipsis Jungle Animal Underwear Turtlenecks Kung Fu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7YDcLP2DeY) starring David Carradine Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

So there's this whole string of strips where people send off, basically, angry "letters to the editor." Only in this case, it's people or entities that our beloved (?) Chickweed residents have had enough of. Juliette gets mad at the health care system and as a result shoots her computer full of arrows. Someone gets an "unsolicited letter" and throws their computer out of the window. Or the person sending the "unsolicited letter" throws the computer out the window. Or an unrelated person throws a computer out a window. Guys, it's not clear what's going on AT ALL in one of these comic strips. Amos shows what a super cool guy he is by showing he'd rather barf on his own computer than talk to children about what it's like to play in an orchestra. Thorax licks his computer. Why? Seriously? Why does anyone in this strip do ANYTHING? Juliette's husband moons his computer. And finally, Amos & Edda make out near their computer. The letters (and the reasons behind writing them) don't ever really make sense. We hate to be the ones to break this to Brooke McEldowney, but things that you do in front of your computer or to your computer aren't automatically conveyed through your computer to the recipient, at least not when you're typing. Anyway, one of these strips makes us so angry we can barely contain ourselves. All in all, totally worth it! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The computer shot with arrows and the computer thrown out the window are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1582064941686628352?s=20&t=9__snYNajdnQu66iG2465A). Barfing and licking can be found here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1582064946157797377?s=20&t=9__snYNajdnQu66iG2465A). Mooning and making out are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1582064949840334849?s=20&t=9__snYNajdnQu66iG2465A). This episode's loquacious journey includes: Biscuits Vitamins Pop Tarts Gummis Swedish Fish Maraschino cherries Luxardos Bananas Diet Coke Juliette, Edda's mom Personal body fluid Bacterial analysis Archery McEldowney Ellipsis Nigerian Prince email Mrs. Jameel Klotilde McSoderstrom Monty Python & the Holy Grail Amos Thorax & Sister Steven The Oxford Comma Grammarly Elliott & Juliette Amos & Edda Marry-Fuck-Kill Gustavo Dudamel Show Notes How gelatin is made (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu8jOi40-7A). How maraschino cherries are made (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/maraschino-cherries#TOC_TITLE_HDR_6). The Castle of Aarrrrgghhhhh (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlIz0q8aWpA)! Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Somehow, we limit ourselves to only five strips this episode. Seems impossible, but we actually did it. Brooke (Dillman) found a short run on one topic that, while only five-strips in length, carried all the fury-inducing content of a dozen or more ordinary strips. The journey begins with Ginger (Xiulan's friend whom we met at Xiulan's wedding to Hugh) and Gerald (the guy from the wedding she's now apparently involved with), who is apparently her boss. She seduces him on his own desk and Xiulan walks in on them, informing them that all of the people in the building next door are watching them with binoculars. Neither of them has so much as unbuttoned one button, so they're as covered up as can be, but somehow this behavior is enough to encourage dozens of people to get their binoculars out of their desks (naturally, I suppose?) so they can watch them. Everything gets kicked up a notch when Edda and Amos try to introduce Fleurrie and Sven to Xiulan and Hugh. The simple introduction of couples results immediately in Fleurrie and Xiulan simultaneously sticking their tongues out at each other. Fleurrie adds, while she does so, "Mine's bigger," referring obviously to the size of her husband. Sven then asks Fleurrie about what he thought he heard her say, which was "mine's's bigger," which of course makes no sense and no one would ever say. Fleurrie assures him it was only a typo and the editor caught it. Sven is stunned to discover they have an editor (as are we), so stunned in fact that his eyes point in two different directions. Xiulan then sends a question to Uncle Ethel (Thorax), asking for clarification the apostrophe's in the word "mine's's" which she claims to have heard used recently. But of course no one said "mine's's" around her at all. She types her question to Uncle Ethel on her computer and he responds immediately from his manual typewriter, sending back a single character, which is either a comma or an apostrophe. Neither would work as a punchline, of course, and neither really makes any sense. But that's par for the course in a run of strips where two people talk about a contraction that literally no one said. I mean, what the fuck? The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1807883380593512962), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C85RK2DyoHG/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link). This episode, which is bigger than mine's's, includes: The NEETs (https://fortune.com/2024/06/21/gen-z-neets-not-in-employment-education-or-training/) of the younger generation Yodel the cat Yodeling Whales aren't fish Brisket the dog The Green Egg (https://biggreenegg.com/why-buy-a-big-green-egg/?id=google18&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=BigGreenEggBrand&utm_content=436967191188&utm_term=the%20green%20egg&utm_term=the%20green%20egg&utm_campaign=Big+Green+Egg+Brand+-+Sierra+Select+Cluster&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=3353618191&hsa_cam=10107530771&hsa_grp=107069594528&hsa_ad=436967191188&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-2078791122&hsa_kw=the%20green%20egg&hsa_mt=e&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwhIS0BhBqEiwADAUhcyqPoImZ3V8ki3MCHqSD482c7ClAgljhA5nPFfSwG4ebHo-hS2Wb5xoC5I4QAvD_BwE) Are banks companies? Dorothy Parker Bill spikes Little House on the Prairie Lashings Wimpy will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68eue5cpbsE) today Rat mites Double entendres Binoculars Voyeurism Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

A few listeners had questions and comments, which led us to a week's worth of very confusing strips, even by this ridiculous comic's standard. Our goal was to answer their questions about what in the specific fuck was going on. There was a question about swings, and why the characters were on swings, and how old were they exactly, and also, seriously, what the fuck is up with this goddamned strip. Seriously. How do you go from a standstill in one panel to nearly flying off the swings in the next? But let's backtrack to the beginning of this story, a couple days earlier, where World's Most Romantic Couple are drawn as Hobbit-sized children, and they speak only of how they will have babies later. This leads us to our introduction to Edda's mother Juliette, who is infuriated (?) to hear that her daughter and her daughter's friend are discussing having babies at whatever age or ages they're currently portrayed at. Five? Eleven? Fifteen? Your guess is as good as ours. Is a conversation between two children about possibly having children when they get older awkward and gross? What? Are you new here? Of course it is! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first three are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1571521012818415616?s=20&t=5TA0D6noFIhYnmbim7Bf1w). The last three are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1571521019751596039?s=20&t=5TA0D6noFIhYnmbim7Bf1w). This episode's time-traveling journey includes: Phantom of the Opera Writing letters Long-distance phone calls Kansas City local commercials Amos & Edda Swingsets Farting (but blaming the chair) Message boards Tuberculosis Brooke's (Dillman) birthday Fisher Price Little People (https://shop.mattel.com/products/little-people-collector-the-golden-girls-gwr84) The McEldowney Ellipsis Peanuts Dorf on Golf Edda's mother Juliette Fulbright scholar Orangutan / Orangutang KU / MU Hotline Rotary phones RADAR vs. SONAR The Gas Giants of our Solar System The DOUBLE McEldowney Ellipsis Balloon animals Siri Accidental conception Crotchless ballet outfits Show Notes "All I Ask of You" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfPLh_6ckzI) Dorf on Golf (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFlOgrodJPo) The correct pronunciation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiDw65tR2vI) of "orangutan." Rotary phones for sale. (https://www.etsy.com/search/vintage?q=rotary+phone&ref=pagination&vintage_rewrite=vintage+rotary+phone&original_query=2&orig_facet=) Telephone dialer (https://www.replacements.com/silver-tiffany-and-co-silver-cordis-sterling-1958-telephone-dialer-with-hollow-handle/p/7225671?utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=shopping_feed&gclid=Cj0KCQjw94WZBhDtARIsAKxWG-8zCyEwI1vsaqLxLdsYzywpUsPBfnVIy0g8tF7a4DHj_GEAbsZNPK4aAmRdEALw_wcB) How does RADAR work? (https://www.eol.ucar.edu/content/how-do-radars-work) The poetry of Robert Krut (https://www.robert-krut.com/). Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Despite repeated mysterious technical difficulties, Brooke and Jeff persevered to bring you the 30th installment of this very important podcast. Was it worth all of the trouble? Of course the answer is no, probably not. But we begin with the aftermath of a date between Gil and Janice, the Nicolette Cignet photographer and Edda's friend and rival from the dance company we met way back in Episode 24: They Wanted You to Model Because of Sitzfleisch Allure (https://www.9chickweedrage.com/024). Gil is getting advice from Seth and Mark and tells them that he did not in fact bone Janice at the end of the date (which was their expectation), but instead kissed her on the left corner of her mouth. This move, according to Mark, is akin to "lighting a sensual fuse." Edda doesn't believe it, but Amos tries it and transports them to a series of famous romantic movies. First La Dolce Vita, then From Here to Eternity, Casablanca, It Happened One Night (which Jeff mistakenly places in 1939 instead of 1934, sorry!), before veering to North By Northwest and settling into the Tarzan canon. There are so many Tarzan strips, guys. It's all very, very stupid. But we soldiered on through multiple glitches and made it happen. Just for you! Also, Jeff tries really hard to explain Schrödinger's Cat to make a metaphorical point, only to fail in his explanation and then to fail to remember exactly why he was trying to make the point in the first place. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1718430506940059796?s=20) or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/Cy9o0MipPU7/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This kiss-induced dream episode includes: KU vs. MU Mullets Coup d'etat Bartleby the Scrivener Fletch talks about the filth and gunk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjJYNZirQCU) Nicolette Sheridan/Nicolette Cignet Kevin Smith George Santos and Steve Bannon Form-fitting turtleneck mini-dress DTF Turtlenecks Ellipses! Ezio Pinza singing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktvnNhwBaeY) "Some Enchanted Evening" from Some Enchanted Evening Records on 78 The Library of Congress Ball-cupping Beavers The Trevi Fountain (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIz-BgNYN20) from La Dolce Vita Gumby Form-Fitting Neck-Brace Turtleneck From Here to Eternity Casablanca It Happened One Night North By Northwest Tarzan Obstetrics Laurel & Hardy Schrödinger's Cat (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat) explained so much better than Jeff tried to Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Well, we've been gone for two months but we're back! And if you thought that this stupid comic strip wasn't still stupid, boy, are you in for a rude awakening! All the same old shit is still there: turtlenecks, Dutch angles, references to starlets of the '30s and '40s, no backgrounds, the McEldowney ellipsis! Oh, how did we survive all these weeks without these? Anyway, this stupid storyline is about Juliette and her boyfriend Elliott, whom everyone hates. (Including us!) One version of this story would be to say that he shows up to propose to her and ends up in the hospital. But it's all so fucking convoluted and the story changes with each new development. At first, Juliette is pretty confident that Elliott might pop the question, but she's not certain, so she wears a sexy dress to help him "pop." But later we discover that he proposes to her on a weekly basis. Then, we find out that the minute Elliott walked through the door, he inhaled a cough drop and needed medical attention. But later, we're told that he didn't inhale the cough drop until after she said yes. But even later, we're told that her dress caused him to have "an episode." And a doctor tells us that he inhaled a cough drop but then had an arrhythmia. Anyway, none of it makes any sense, especially the part where Elliott ends up in the ICU for more than a day. To confuse things even more, Brooke and Jeff talk about the ICU like it's the Emergency Room. But then again, that seems to be interchangeable with Brooke Mac-El-Dee as well. Later, a cat motorboats Juliette's boobs. And in the end, no one really gives a shit about what happened to Elliott because they're too busy talking about Juliette's dress. Spoiler alert: She's the sexiest person in the ICU and she loves it! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Edda and Juliette mention Jean Harlow, Juliette promises to make Elliott "pop," Elliott chokes on his cough drop, and a doctor stares at Juliette's boobs are here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1710366406557220951?s=20). The "lethal, shrink-wrap, halter-top gown," Edda getting mad because her gay roommate thinks her mom is sexier, and Juliette looking hot (and enjoying it) in the ICU are here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1710366408151056421?s=20). A cat motorboats Juliette's boobs, Amos talks about his fetid corpse, and Elliott somehow on his deathbed are here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1710366410550190305?s=20). This lethal, shrink-wrapped episode includes: Dive, Dove, Doven? Phones, both corded and cordless Auntie Mame Turtlenecks! Jean Harlow Fisher-Price Little People (https://shop.mattel.com/collections/little-people) Dutch Angles! The character design from [Shark Tale](https://www.google.com/search?scaesv=569938233&sxsrf=AM9HkKlxERVw5MfqrxGptUaJi-AqJDQ4g:1696289606532&q=A+shark+tale&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjcxLubw9iBAxVXJEQIHaNEPUEQ0pQJegQIDhAB&biw=1301&bih=802&dpr=2). No backgrounds! Cough drops Jolly Ranchers Arrhythmia Chekhov's Gun (https://www.masterclass.com/articles/writing-101-what-is-chekhovs-gun-learn-how-to-use-chekhovs-gun-in-your-writing) Les Nessman's bandages (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Nessman) The McEldowney ellipsis! Crystal Gayle Being motorboated by a cat The ICU Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Amos and Edda are in a body of water, so that of course means that it is unclear: a) what kind of body of water it is, b) how deep the water is, and c) if there are any other people around. Amos threatens (promises?) to drown himself waiting for Edda to swim by again. I mean, they're married or at least dating at this point, so I'm not sure why he's being so stealthy about looking at her. Later, he sees legs under the water and decides to swim through them BEFORE BEING CERTAIN THEY BELONG TO EDDA. It ends up being Edda, who traps him between her thighs (metaphor!), and then he basically stays there, with his head pressed against her vagina. Mostly, it's the top of his head, which is confusing but also a bit of a relief. There's a moment where it totally seems like Ol' Mac-El-Dee wanted to imply that Amos was going downtown while in the pool, but the way it's drawn would rule that out. Physical impossibility rears its head in a strip where it appears Edda has removed Amos's head from his body. In the end, they either fuck, drown, or fart jointly under the water. Because ROMANCE! In a bonus strip, Edda dance/romances a dead-eyed Amos (is there any other kind?) and ends up kissing him while standing with her feet on his shoulders. Yeah. Try to imagine what that looks like. And good luck! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C_cGP8up0MM/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). We've abandoned our Twitter presence, but you can now find us on Bluesky by clicking here (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social). This suspiciously bubbly episode includes: Headphones vs. Earsets Jigsaw puzzles Kansas City Is Stroud's Fried Chicken still around? Yes, it is (https://www.stroudsrestaurant.com/). Sudoku Jigsaw Chat! Brooke's hair surprises! The official beginning of Spring Crocuses are fucking useless Stretch Armstrong Australian Crawl Giantesses Catywampus and Kitty-Corner 9-1-1 & 9-1-1 Lone Star Thigh gap Becky Thatcher A bit of a Ben Franklin Milk Milk Lemonade Little House on the Prairie Slingblade "Can't Touch This!" by MC Hammer "Bad Girls" by Donna Summer Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Bluesky: @9ChickweedRAGE.bsky.social (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

Our long-awaited first episode! Is it the dumbest idea for a podcast? Probably! We talk about our least favorite newspaper comic strip, 9 Chickweed Lane, written and drawn by Brooke (no relation) McEldowney. We kick this journey of rage off with the romance (?) of Thorax and Esme. According to Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9_Chickweed_Lane), Thorax is an amiable elderly farmer, who is "brilliant and odd beyond all description." He also appears to be anwhere between 90 and 100 years old. The object of his affection is Esme, a policewoman who is definitely in her 30s. In this first part (of three), Thorax introduces himself to Esme and has a lengthy conversation with himself through a typewriter. It ends with a sigh and a cliffhanger. Which seems an impossible combination, but here we are. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first three are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1563729301458919424?s=20&t=d1FgRE29hct43fXpzotThg) The last two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1563729306747998209?s=20&t=d1FgRE29hct43fXpzotThg) This episode's wild journey includes: Stephen Sondheim's Company Calvin & Hobbes The Pandemic Grindr Manual Typewriters Ellipses Dear Abby Julie Andrews Googly Eyes Roget's Thesaurus Khakis Barf bags Show Notes "Ladies Who Lunch" (https://youtu.be/hcI_Px5_Vi8) "Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered" (https://youtu.be/1fzZ4l2H5-w) Maundering (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/maunder) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

In part two of this three-part horror-fest, we continue to follow the romance (we guess?) of Thorax and Esme. We admit to Brooke McEldowney that we probably just don't get his very, very smart comic strip. Brooke (Dillman, not McEldowney) invents a new word while describing Esme's sudden and aggressive seduction of Thorax, which includes (of course) uncomfortable double entendre, sexy (?) grammar wordplay, and hilarious airport metaphors. Esme kisses Thorax A LOT. But he does nothing, until the very end, when he magically (?) does something very, VERY upsetting. At least to us. It probably gave ol' B. McE a boner. You know what? There's no probably about it. We also explore our theory that McEldowney is a weird college professor/nudist. (One caveat, we're not super tech smart. And as we've begun this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. Thanks!) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first three are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1564046138348449792?s=20&t=tz39KFI6pCua7WH1H1pRKQ) The last two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1564046270225797120?s=20&t=tz39KFI6pCua7WH1H1pRKQ) This episode's "tittilizing" journey includes: Wagnerian opera KU vs. MU The Civil War Slavery Me Too TAB Fat-shaming Sexual harrassment on the job Cirque du Soleil Ellipsis abuse Blow-up sex dolls Leg injuries Panties Summer of 2020 Standards & Practices Nudists Ascots Show Notes KU / MU Rivalry (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Border_War_(Kansas%E2%80%93Missouri_rivalry)) Jayhawkers (https://civilwaronthewesternborder.org/encyclopedia/jayhawkers) Trying to save TAB (https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/30/business/save-tab-soda/index.html) Broadcast Standards & Practices (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broadcast_Standards_and_Practices) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

If there was even a moment that you thought Brooke McEldowney wasn't a weirdo, we offer up this six-pack of excursions into the world of Edda's "toe cleavage." It starts off super-weird, with Edda sitting on the sidewalk so Amos can gawk at her feet. After thirty years of knowing each other, this toe cleavage thing comes as a surprise to Edda, because that totally makes as much sense as anything else in this strip. A cop threatens to take them in, and eventually someone files a court order against Amos to keep him from publicly lavishing affection on Edda's toes. It does NOT stop him from gawking at them in front of his children, however. So that's cool. Finally, when the kids are asleep, Amos asks permission, but somehow the thrill is gone for Edda. In other words, just a normal week in this godforsaken comic. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Amos gawks, then a cop shows up, then a cop admires Edda's toes too right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1599453229892644865?s=20&t=WCsns7mc4wUrv5DOSySydw). Strangers witness Amos's fetish, his children witness his fetish, and Edda is no longer interested in his fetish are right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1599453235529777153?s=20&t=WCsns7mc4wUrv5DOSySydw). This episode's fetishized journey includes: ER (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3KCM7ldK08) Advent Calendars Nativity Scenes Studio Ghibli (https://ghiblicollection.com/) Amazon Pokemon Minecraft Roblox Texting Edema Turtlenecks! Sudden onset foot fetish Bradley Whitford "Queen of Hearts" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0DK-0fIKCw) by Juice Newton The Glenn Close / Glenn Far meme (https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/267959-name-puns). George Michael Purity pledges The Good Place Shaq Hallmark Keepsake Ornaments (https://www.hallmark.com/ornaments/keepsake-ornaments/) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

In this episode, we dive into Amos's subconscious, which is predictably icky. Amos describes a dream he had the previous night. He headlines it as a dream where Edda went to buy a car. But what the dream is really about is how the car salesman sexually assaulted her. So, at least we know where Amos's priorities lie. The Ol' Mac-El-Dee makes a big point of repeating (endlessly) that the salesman's name was "Wilkins or Fortescue," as if that is, by it's nature a very funny piece of business, which it is not. Also, and not for nothing, the salesman looks a lot, A LOT, like Amos. So I guess that's maybe the point? It's a rape fantasy that Amos is having? It's all filled with car-related double entendres, because of course it is. Edda assumes, from Amos's description that her dream self simply gave herself to the car salesman, which shows where her priorities lie, I guess. Amos spends most of the dream choosing tea at Zabar's. As if that's a great place to choose tea. But then he rushes in to save her. I mean, not "rushes in," per se. He had to choose his fucking tea first. But he enters the dealership and pushes the salesman "onto his beezer." Whatever the fuck that means. In the end, Edda gets turned on by Amos and, while they're walking down the street, throws her vagina at his face. Seriously. Wait till you see the picture. It's fucking ridiculous. Also impossible. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Wilkins or Fortescue descends on Edda and Amos chooses his tea at Zabar's are right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1647015657731661824?s=20). Amos pushes Wilkins or Forescue onto his beezer, Earl Grey keeps his secrets, and the Mac-El-Dee Walkin' C are right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1647015659673649157?s=20). This nightmarish episode includes: Mullets Headphones Brooke's new comedy routine Improv Stuck in a closet Listener feedback "Tasty poopers" Urban slang Joe Biden Abe Vigoda Everything Everywhere All At Once Harry Potter hands 8-cylinder cars Andy Capp (https://www.gocomics.com/andycapp) Marathon Man "Is it safe?" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzw1_2b-I7A) Zabar's Dean & Deluca In 'N' Out The Russian Tea Room Walking cunnilingus The Bachelor Lawn chairs & ironing boards Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Edda's modeling career begins when a scout for the famous designer Nicolette Cignet picks Edda from everyone else in her dance company because of her nice butt. Only, Brooke Mac-El-Dee never says "nice butt," he prefers to say "caboose" over and over and over, with a brief digression to "sitzfleisch" from Amos. The twist is that they only want Edda for her butt and they want Janice to be the face. So, even though it makes zero sense, they'll use both of them: Janice's face and Edda's butt. There is no exploration of whose midriff and boobs will make the cut. Which, frankly, is a little surprising. Edda is angry to find out she's Janice's butt double. But showbiz is showbiz, right? The lone photographer sent to shoot this very important ad campaign takes his photos. They are terrible. Along the way, we are subjected to "undie-carriage," "golden hind," "sealing the deal," and "licking their chops." It's super gross. Edda ends up angry about butts, which takes us back around to one of the Thanksgiving strips we looked at, and helps us put in context why Edda was so mad about people saying "butt" all around her. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Edda finds out the Nicolette Cignet people want to talk to her, Seth throws shade at Edda for it, and Seth goes out of his way to use "terpsichorean" are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1639677943285956608?s=20). Amos says "sitzfleisch" for no good reason, Edda and Janice find out they're both there for the job, and Edda and Janice shit talk each other's butts are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1639677945110487040?s=20). Edda finds out she's Janice's butt double, Gil explains why the Nicolette Cignet logo can't be seen on a small butt, and Gil sprays Janice with oil and water are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1639677946893053952?s=20). Gil takes his questionable photos, Edda and Janice talk about ballet being hard, and the truly terrible photo campaign are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1639677948948287489?s=20). We're introduced to the phrase "undie-carriage" and Edda goes on her Thanksgiving Butt Walk are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1639677951422906368?s=20). This award-winning, then award-losing episode includes: Heart rates The will to live Urine drinking Willie Nelson The Huggle Neck muscles Steroids Autopsy impressions Rich Little is STILL doing impressions (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rich-little-still-making-a-great-impression/)? Fred Travelina "The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifWOSnoCS0M) "Welcome Back Kotter" theme song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZzEzDkeHzI). Dutch Angle The Terpsichorean Arts Sitzfleisch Cabooses Lobster claws Chaps vs. Shaps Van der Graaf Generator Butt Doubles Body Shaming Coco from Fame Kentucky Fried Chicken Sergio Valente Jeans Cross-Country Travel Transporting Ashes Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Matt Fraction really should be writing the new Batman comic, but instead he made the mistake of wondering, "What exactly is this comic strip Jeff and Brooke are talking about?" It's a dangerous question to pose to yourself. Even more so, as Matt discovered, if one makes the mistake of Googling this comic strip. It kind of opens a Pandora's box. Which is what happened, and the next thing Matt knew, he was reading years' worth of Chickweed Lanes. Seriously guys, he took pages of notes! After the deep immersion, he agreed to join us on the podcast to talk about the things he witnessed. That includes: couples going to TGI Fingerbang's, something known as "ffawnky mozm fimps," curious children who lift mommy's skirt, hetero-curious ballet dancers, buttholes that look like clown's mouths, falling in love with Nazis, vaginas (with and without crawfish), "knockout gams," how much Brooke Mc-El-Dee knows about menstruation (not much!), elderly men who produce ink when startled, the hypnotic sexiness of cat's buttholes, and a final strip so surprising, it floors Brooke Dillman, almost literally. And this after two of the earlier strips nearly killed her already! Along the way, we talk about Dilbert, Alan Moore, Gene Simmons, and Kansas City's most famous serial killer. Also Matt makes a really good point about Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's our largest episode ever and for a good reason! Drake! Dillman! Fraction! Let's go! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/DHPuijSRw0C/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). We've abandoned Twitter, because it's terrible, but you can now find us on Bluesky by clicking here (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social/post/3lkhq52yxvc2u). This ffawnky mozm fimps episode includes: Malcolm in the Middle Good Brooke vs. Bad Brooke the Death Star trash chute Game of Thrones Dilbert Dutch angles Terminator 2 sexual chicken fight The Shining twins The Brady Bunch Converse All-Stars Hoosiers Alan Moore Swamp Thing The Mona Lisa & the Scream Eva Braun Danny Thomas Bill Oakley tight butts drive Matt nuts KISS and the Kiss Kasket (https://nashvillecasketsales.com/kisskasket.htm) Gene Simmons Cindy Lou Who Raiders of the Lost Ark The Lockhorns Stephen Sondheim Stan Lee Kansas City serial killer Bob Berdella (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Berdella) Jorge Jimenez Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Bluesky: @9ChickweedRAGE.bsky.social (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/). Special Guest: Matt Fraction.

Of course, one episode devoted to the imaginary sex rabbit McTwo could never be enough, right? So we spend another day exploring the world of McTwo. This time, we stay primarily in Juliette & Elliott's bedroom, but that doesn't mean the psychological landscape is any simpler. Far from it. There is such outlandish punctuation abuse, it nearly defies belief. But Brooke McEldowney does in fact use over 100 periods IN ONE WORD BUBBLE. Then McTwo joins Juliette & Elliott in their bed, which Juliette finds disconcerting at first but then -- we guess? -- a turn on? Ultimately, we end where we began last episode, specifically, with Juliette angrily "fluffing her pillow." I wish that was slang for something other than punching her pillow, I really do. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Juliette is annoyed with Elliott, Elliott conjures McTwo, and McTwo insults Juliette are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1591153183929536512?s=20&t=TnNRg6t9LRp6fhyswBJ9Dw). Mad Juliette, horny Juliette, and mad (post-coital) Juliette are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1591153189210165248?s=20&t=TnNRg6t9LRp6fhyswBJ9Dw). This episode's sexually confused journey includes: Obituaries Abe Vigoda Actresses of old Heroin Slouching Central Park (https://tv.apple.com/us/show/central-park/umc.cmc.4qe3i11erof30x0vz8nwnjkw3) on Apple TV+ Storming the Capital "If Ever I Would Leave You" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwfYHVJHMOA) by Robert Goulet McEldowney Ellipsis x 20 Radio Flyer The bag of flour from health class Inside Out Bing Bong & Joy try to escape the Memory Dump (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPQRHemfk9E) La Vie en Rose by Edith Piaf (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4) The Eiffel Tower Being "Eiffel Towered" (https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a35452015/eiffel-tower-sex-position/) Yorick's Skull Hepatitis The Diet Coke Shortage Dentistry Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

It's our first podcast of 2023! And we're so happy to discover that this strip still makes no goddamned sense at all. We begin our twelve-strip journey (yes! twelve!) with a customer service rep responding to texts from what turns out to be Thorax. Thorax is looking for overalls in XXXXL-Tall, so naturally his path to purchasing said clothing begins with texting a customer service person. And once he finds out it's a lady -- with the doubly unlikely name of Verity Dupee -- Thorax begins his harrassment. We're sorry, we totally mean romance. Romance as defined by Brooke McEldowney. Verity seems totally annoyed wiht Thorax. Who wouldn't be? But in the end she quits her job and travels to New Hampshire to hand deliver the overalls to Thorax, because she's in love with him. Right up until he tells her he's from another planet. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Thorax's romance/stalking of Verity Dupee begins right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1617542019781636101?s=20&t=u4XUHZf4HgYJi0ppU09AEA). Verity DEFINITELY seems like she might call the cops on Thorax right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1617542022717661185?s=20&t=u4XUHZf4HgYJi0ppU09AEA). For some reason, Verity is charmed by Thorax and visits him in New Hampshire right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1617542025724977153?s=20&t=u4XUHZf4HgYJi0ppU09AEA). Verity is ready to get it on with Thorax but he ruins it by saying he's from another planet right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1617542029164318720?s=20&t=u4XUHZf4HgYJi0ppU09AEA). This XXXL-tall episode includes: Deep sleep Smoked pepper cheddar cheese Corn chowder with poblano pepper soup Von's/Safeway and Ralph's/Kroger The old Soup Hole Dollar signs vs money signs Customer service The definition of verity. Raising Arizona Watt's Mill Theater in Kansas City Columbo Poise pads Van der Graaf generator XXXXL-Tall bib overalls Strawberries Paladins Thorax's home planet Murder, She Wrote Love letters The Fonz Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Just another day in the life of Edda & Amos Van Hoesen, when a simple trip to the pool ends up with Edda hanging by a thread. A rope? A wire? Look, we don't know. She jumps off a diving board with SOMETHING attached to her bikini bottom and she ends up hanging there for about a week's worth of comics. Amos speculates that it has to do with government surveillance, that someone planted a bug in her bikini bottom. We are not making this up. This is what he says. And so we spend all week on this topic. Sure, sure, there's a brief moment where Amos gets a boner. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES! But does he ever make even the slightest attempt to help Edda down? OF COURSE NOT. He just continues to stare at her like a big dumb idiot. The biggest surprise is that he wasn't just making a goofy "joke" about her bikini being under surveillance. Nope, that's really what's happening. A government agency has put a bug in Edda's bikini bottom, and there's a (roughly) 200-foot cord attached that she somehow didn't notice. For reals. Yeah. We know. It's...it's something. (Part 1 of 2) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The bugged bikini saga begins here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1576595853673832448?s=20&t=r3lAQcIqizXOr62cIAdjLg). Edda wriggles out of her bikini here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1576595859206156288?s=20&t=r3lAQcIqizXOr62cIAdjLg). And we visit the horrible blog cafe and finally see the government agents right here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1576595865082339329?s=20&t=r3lAQcIqizXOr62cIAdjLg). This episode's partially bare-assed journey includes: Voicemail Day drinking / day heroin LaCroix Raz-Cranberry Steve Martin Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Depends Wigs Dirndls & Germans Coco Chanel: Nazi sympathizer "At Seventeen" Amos & Edda Red bikinis Diving board Dutch Angle Core strength Fiji Herbert Hoover J. Edgar Hoover Annie Polly & Lolly Village of the Damned George Sanders (we said Saunders, sorry) All About Eve Wrecked Rhys Darby Gadget Hackwrench...again NASA's space bikini Brooke McEldowney's secret X-rated stash Singin' in the Rain chickweedcafe.blogspot.com Not tipping your waiter To Catch a Thief Mission: Impossible Pigeons Show Notes "At Seventeen" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMUz2TNMvL0) by Janis Ian "I must think of a brick wall (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEZ0Mr9N1G4)." Shere Khan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J2NOKiFlUE) in the original Jungle Book. Here's a little taste of Wrecked (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw1bpW7HNWg). Recording sound (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ETEbv6BSv8) for the first time in Singin' in the Rain. In case you have a hunger to "dine on words (https://chickweedcafe.blogspot.com/)." Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

We flash back to World War II and immediately find ourselves dealing with two naked people in a...pond? ...a lake? ...a magical puddle? It's very unclear what kind of body of water. Anyway, the skinny-dippers are confronted with Nazis. We don't really know who we're dealing with at first. But the lady scares off some Nazis with her "terrifying downstairs business." We later discover that these mysterious people are Bill O'Malley, Juliette's stepfather, and Martine Clocqueur. Naturally, Martine is a beautiful double agent. We're just surprised she's not also a talented singer, dancer, or musician. Bill has a head wound which has resulted in amnesia. But when he and Martine make out, under the water of course, he remembers kissing someone else. That person is Edna, Juliette's mom, who is also a spy. Who isn't? Apparently Bill promised to get engaged with Edna after the war. Martine isn't so concerned about that because it's wartime and during wartime "everything we hold honorable has to be cured in salt and sliced very thin." Like that's a famous saying or something, which it isn't. What she means is that it's totally cool for them to have sex because it's war and, you know, only wartime rules apply. It's a little surprising that we don't see them doing it, all things considered, but she does press her "upsetting business" up against him a lot in that pond/lake/puddle. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The "back-up beave" is introduced, the Nazis cavort away, and Billy thinks about Martine's "downstairs business" are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1602053419799179264?s=20&t=GqcZfMdqjP4u8wlR1R6Uxg). Billy and Martine make out under the water, Billy remembers Edna (or has his penis eaten by fish), Martine recommends they have sex despite Edna are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1602053425335742464?s=20&t=GqcZfMdqjP4u8wlR1R6Uxg). Martine throws herself at Billy and then slices all honorable things paper thin are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1602053432189165569?s=20&t=GqcZfMdqjP4u8wlR1R6Uxg). This episode's terrifying & confusing journey includes: UCLA KU / MU Christmas Sausage Babe Talent Show Christmas cookies Professional voice work Liz Lemon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoXfQupV5n8) shoots her Dealbreaker intro on 30 Rock. World War II Nazis Amateur butt vs. pro butt The Back-Up Beaver Sexy Lady Godzilla Crystal Gayle / Emmylou Harris / Loretta Lynn The Nutcracker "What are cows?" The opening of the Ark of the Covenant (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0APF3SO9tqE) in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Buckle up for another epic run of this guy's fucking garbage. We start looking at the story of Amos and Edda finally doing it in Brussels during a cello competition. It begins with Edda making a move on Amos which causes him to have the hiccups, which results in Amos wanting to go home. But Edda claims she has a cure, which is (of course) fucking. As soon as they've done the deed, Edda gets on the phone back home to tell her mom that, yes, she used the same "hiccup cure" that Juliette did when Juliette first humped Elliott. Because of COURSE the women had to be the instigators and the men had to be uncertain, terrified idiots about sex. Amos and Edda can't keep their hands off each other, which means that Amos pins Edda (very uncomfortably) against a piano. This embrace is viewed by a hot air balloon filled with tourists? Prisoners of war? News reporters? It is so very unclear who the people are and why they're in a hot air balloon floating through downtown Brussels. But why should anything ever make sense in this fucking strip? Why? (Part 1 of 3) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The ones where Edda comes on so strongly, Amos has hiccups, but she has a cure are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1619827633470185472?s=20&t=gtVxrdmvLSagRKhZC7Uh7g). The ones where Edda tells Juliette about fucking Amos, then Edda and Amos make out while rehearsing are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1619827637031145472?s=20&t=gtVxrdmvLSagRKhZC7Uh7g). The ones with the inexplicable spy balloon are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1619827640550191104?s=20&t=gtVxrdmvLSagRKhZC7Uh7g). This no longer virginal episode includes: Hangers Broadway Britney Spears Laundry vs. clothes Catholicism Madonna vs. whore Martin Scorsese High five / down low too slow The D.A. hairstyle (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ducktail) Lenny Briscoe Jerry Orbach, Broadway star (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uGlL0xafP8) The definition of infatuation Hiccups Jascha Heifetz Tuba farts Amos's Patented Panty-Dropper Helium balloons in Burbank Balloon day in church Cleveland Balloonfest (https://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/562556/cleveland-balloonfest/) 1986 Liquid mercury Pirate ship ride Pro-Butt vs. Am-Butt All of the hiccup cures (https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-rid-of-hiccups#treatment) Pausing the recording Turtlenecks Syrup bottles Star Trek: The Next Generation The End Pin International Cello Competition Chicken wire cages Hot air balloons The Montgolfier Brothers (https://www.museumofflight.org/Exhibits/montgolfier-brothers-balloon) The Hindenburg The Last of Us (https://www.museumofflight.org/Exhibits/montgolfier-brothers-balloon) News balloons Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

To celebrate Thanksgiving, we check out a handful of strips that ran on Thanksgivings in the past. Naturally, Brooke McEldowney wants NOTHING to do with such a common holiday. So we have to find our own way to give thanks for Juliette burning her old Daisy Dukes, Rita Hayworth throwing hot dogs at virgins, Edda getting furious at a butt of Malmsey, Amos & Edda ogling a mystery woman together, and a character we've never seen before attempting to jump off a diving board while giving a piggy-back ride to another character we've never seen before. But the real thing to give thanks for might be our conversation about vampires and how the rules of vampires make Brooke (Dillman) absolutely furious. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Juliette burns her Daisy Dukes, Rita Hayworth throws some hot dogs around, and Edda hears "butt" everywhere are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1594627712999559168?s=20&t=lGc2HR0TTMcJ3sl_Acq0wQ). Edda & Amos stare at some lady's bazongas and the nude diving board shenanigans are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1594627720956084225?s=20&t=lGc2HR0TTMcJ3sl_Acq0wQ). This episode's thankful journey includes: Jeff hates Thanksgiving Mashed potatoes Turkey butt Corn pudding Candied yams Green bean casserole Daisy Duke from Dukes of Hazzard The girl from The Ring (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpb2-ZOzc_o) The Weber Grill World War II Entertainment Weekly Rita Hayworth Hot dogs Richard III Stuffing Ramen noodles Carol Burnett as Norma Desmond (https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5fpga). Harvey Korman Bugs Bunny dressed up as a lady (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lpg-w2W1-GI). Period abuse Consonant blends Diving boards Billy Joel Let the Right One In Vampires Wizards Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Brooke McEldowney tells us everything he knows about conception and pregnancy. It's not clear that he understands how any of the experience, especially for the woman, really works. We begin with Juliette showing Edda a useless pamphlet that attempts to explain sex. The very same pamphlet her mother showed her and was not useful to her. Amos & Edda talk about their two possible strategies for conception, both of which sound terrible. Edda claims to wear a string bikini for the first time as a "last hurrah" (?) before her body gets super gross because of pregnancy. Amos has sex with Edda while she's pregnant and they both need reassurance that it was okay. Amos speculates about that inevitable time when their kids will imagine him and Edda fucking. Oh yeah, he also then thinks about Juliette having sex to get pregnant with Edda. And apparently it's something he does A LOT. In a Sunday comic, Edda says "whoops" for reasons we're still not certain about. Then there's a whole nursing thing that's also super gross. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The useless sex pamphlet, the bombing raids, and the string bikini are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1587086453032374272?s=20&t=UdIqlmxxQ2zrAnQLVSoKRw). The "coal to Newcastle" sex, Amos imagining Juliette having sex, and the gross nursing are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1587086459730739201?s=20&t=UdIqlmxxQ2zrAnQLVSoKRw). The big Sunday comic with the unexplainable "whoops" is here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1587086464038207488?s=20&t=UdIqlmxxQ2zrAnQLVSoKRw). This episode's upsetting journey includes: Norm's $7.99 steak breakfast 9/11 Tattoos Door-to-door meat salesman Juliette & Edda Sex Education What is an Eb Alto Horn (https://www.prowinds.com/product/9158/681?utm_source=google&utm_medium=surfaces&utm_campaign=Surfaces%20Shopping&utm_content=google%20surfaces%20shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwfiaBhC7ARIsAGvcPe7ApStvkzmb2qwiXB-oNN1Zl7Hdf7NgIlRKxP9vzhOLsntnI0eXqnsaAq3kEALw_wcB)? Turtlenecks Amos Ovulation Beaver shots Stretch Armstrong String bikinis By the way, the phrase isn't "coal to Newcastle," (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coals_to_Newcastle) it's "COALS to Newcastle" and it means doing something unnecessary or pointless. Bringing babies home from the hospital Singin' in the Rain Cyd Charisse (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOxpnWbzOco) and Gene Kelly. The bombing of Dresden (https://www.dw.com/en/commemorating-the-legacy-of-the-wwii-bombing-of-dresden/a-52355581). Gaslighting Jessica Rabbit Breastfeeding Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

Foolishly, I suppose, we thought FOR SURE Brooke McEldowney would make some reference to Halloween in his strip over the years. At the very least, we were expecting the female characters to be dressed as sexy somethings -- painters? pilots? poop emojis? -- but McEldowney gave us nothing. So we soldiered on and explored a half dozen or so strips that ran on Halloween. Edda writes an incomprehensible sentence on the chalkboard. Thorax either milks a cow or breaks up with it. Both seem equally possible. Edda finds some confidence only to have a friend tell her to "drop dead." A former nun (Diane) and Catholic priest (Francis) get married, which fogs up another nun's glasses. Thorax becomes "shadow president" and for some reason a chicken reads three teleprompters that all say "cluck." Amos & Edda's relationship is tested when Amos accidentally kisses Xiulan, a fellow cellist who is also a pilot, because of course she is. Finally, Edda does a solo ballet dance that's interrupted by a dog putting his nose in her butt. Mostly, we end up spending a lot of time at an insufferable dinner party with Brooke McEldowney. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The vexing chalkboard, magnificent cow, and Drop Dead Janice are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1583844780823322626?s=20&t=kuoU5Slu_SoVFwnXWhY_tQ). The nun with the boob-eyes, the Shadow President, and Xiulan's damp kiss are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1583844786057814016?s=20&t=kuoU5Slu_SoVFwnXWhY_tQ). The dog nose in the butthole is here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1583844790239580160?s=20&t=kuoU5Slu_SoVFwnXWhY_tQ). This episode's not very spooky journey includes: Meditation 2-liter bottles Rocket launch Space X Elon Musk Plumbers Halloween decorations Edda Cows Thorax The Bechdel Test Janice, Edda's friend from the ballet company Diane & Francis Sister Steven / Sister Caligula Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart films Yet another ellipsis problem Shadow governments Teleprompter Tony Orlando & Dawn Amos, Edda, & Xiulan Showgirls Speed skating, ballet, or modern dance? The mysterious white dog again Happy Halloween! Show Notes Nam myoho renge kyo for 15 minutes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfRcUpoPl7w). Not a sexy poop emoji costume, but a sexy pope costume (https://www.yandy.com/products/yandy-shining-bright-pope-costume). Does this comic strip pass The Bechdel Test (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test)? Probably not. For context, this is Caligula (https://www.britannica.com/biography/Caligula-Roman-emperor). A moment from To Have and Have Not (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huTKkFSn8us). "Knock Three Times" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt5uNQ3FXRI) by Tony Orlando & Dawn. The Showgirls pool sex scene (https://dai.ly/x2bcf61). It is very NSFW. Skip to 2:15 for the splashiest part. Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

After becoming convinced that Brooke Mac-El-Dee himself is listening to this podcast, we take a deep dive into his poor history with the ellipsis (and other punctuation). You see, in one strip, he makes a point of "educating" everyone about the use of an ellipsis. According to The Master, it is only used to indicated omitted words. And that is not only not true, it is also not how he has EVER used the ellipsis in his own work. In fact, we're not sure he has used it that way even once. So we go back through the strips we've already discussed and actually count the periods. (So many periods.) We also talk about a handful of strips where he "has fun" with punctuation with "hilarious" results. All in all, a fitting way to end the year. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1740402215402283477?s=20), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C1Zx41jrT4n/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This ..... episode includes: Sneezing Diet Cokes Christmas Back trouble riding a Segway spot-eyed cats semi-colon misuse Ross & Rachel Sam & Diane Katniss & Peeta motorboating Eddie Izzard talks about Englebert Humperdinck (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjaRR4ofudA) Underwood Farms Goat habitrail Goat poop Welcome Back, Kotter Peanuts Comma splice Kilroy Was Here Tiger Beat Leif Garrett Shaun Cassidy William Frawley's pants (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtmC2I8K6mo) Mowgli from The Jungle Book The Dark Crystal Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

It's the big day for Xiulan Ha'Penny Yuan and Hugh Portwhistle Godalming. For some reason, Xiulan has chosen Edda to be one of her two bridesmaids, because of course and why not? Look, Edda is a small part of a wedding that isn't her wedding, so naturally she's furious that someone else is getting all the attention. She has a plan to not only "go commando" underneath her cheongsam, but to "slink up the aisle like hookers short on crazy money." She thinks this would be a fun and funny thing to do at someone else's wedding. And I guess we are supposed to be charmed by this. Oh, that Edda! Typical Edda! What's not to love about her? Seth warns her and Ginger, Xiulan's friend and the other bridesmaid, not to do what they're planning, and Edda gets very mad about it. Xiulan yells at the two of them on the way down the aisle. Edda then sticks her tongue out at Seth, again, on the way down the aisle. Once at the altar, Hugh makes exclaiming "cor lumme" when he sees Xiulan. She makes fun of him for that. At the altar. But then tells him that she and her bridesmaids (who are sitting in the pews now?) are all going commando. They talk about this for a while. At the altar. Instead of getting the wedding going. The priest interrupts and then reveals he has also gone commando. We discover that other people have gone commando too. Then for some reason the priest gets mad about it. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1726452275160519165?s=20) or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/Cz2o8NkL4rm/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link). This completely underwear-free episode includes: wing-tip collars pet collars "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" by Britney Spears (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlV7RhT6zHs) Dutch angles! Cheongsams Very bad hand drawings The McEldowney Ellipsis! Going commando Pheromones Pig Latin Ealing Comedies The Church of England Cockney Slang Adam Godley Astronomical ellipsis usage! Reading glasses Marty Feldman Bing Crosby Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

The world watched Amos and Edda have sex, thanks to a Belgian breaking news balloon, the kind of balloon that floats through the city of Brussels, filled with at least 10 reporters looking for news stories. And part of how they look for news, we guess, is to peep through windows of buildings and film people without their permission. Seems totally cool. But maybe that's just how "European" they are, and we're all a bunch of American yahoos. Whatever the case, the video (or film as Brooke Mac-El-D prefers to call it) becomes a sensation on the internet. But before that, Juliette, Seth, and some lady named Isabel all see the video/film of Amos and Edda fucking on a piano in a rehearsal space, thanks to the peeping reporters on the news balloon that somehow hovered outside their window for the entirety of their tryst. Edda sees the video/film on her laptop, but keeps Amos from viewing it or even knowing about it. So he is pretty confused when they're on the streets of Brussels and everyone they pass, literally everyone, is craning their necks to look at them. And by craning their necks we mean turning their heads literally completely around. The venue is packed, not "standing room only" as one would normally say, but "crammed to the exit signs." Sure. Amos gets nervous, gets the hiccups, and Edda gives him a look that says, "let's fuck," even though he is five minutes from taking the stage. And that's where we end this episode. (Part 2 of 3) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Juliette picks up the satellite broadcast from Brussels, tells Edda about it, and Edda is pleased Isabel has seen it are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1622303250262425600?s=20&t=oPfPgstnxF2LZLAsXti8lQ). Edda talks to Seth and then hides the video from Amos are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1622303253710139393?s=20&t=oPfPgstnxF2LZLAsXti8lQ). All of Brussels stares at Edda and Amos gets the hiccups again are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1622303256415453184?s=20&t=oPfPgstnxF2LZLAsXti8lQ). This episode that we picked up on a satellite broadcast from Brussels includes: The classic Yahtzee commercial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c9rCvNbvcM). Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory The Wild West Ethel Merman La La Land The Oscar mixup explained (https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-39097183). We're twins! Wood Burning Kit (https://www.amazon.com/Adjustable-Temperature-Professional-Embossing-Soldering/dp/B07QWVHP5B) Easy-Bake Ovens and the dangers (https://www.retrothing.com/2007/07/hasbro-easy-bak.html) thereof. The Magic of Making Movies! Singin' in the Rain AMC's Nicole Kidman commercial Breaking News Balloon Turtlenecks! Remote controls The Bechdel Test Picking up satellite broadcasts Satellite Balloon / Balloon Satellite (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balloon_satellite) And then this related thing (https://www.npr.org/2023/02/04/1154473950/u-s-cancels-blinkens-visit-to-china-after-the-appearance-of-a-spy-balloon) that happened the same day we recorded. Cirque du Soliel Woody Allen Let us never speak of Manhattan Long-distance and international calls Fabio killing a goose with his face (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QUEtkXzwzQ). Mike Teevee's mom says Rachmoninoff (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g4r-FbGivk). Harold & Maude Columbo falls down a hill (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca037hZ36ZA) Broken necks Johnny Cash Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

In the final part of this three-part horror-fest, we explore the romance (???) of Thorax and Esme. It's been an epic story arc. We recap our journey so far. And eventually end up walking into the ocean along with our May-December (of the following year) couple. Along the way, we awkwardly use the phrase "booty call," investigate Thorax's "bad touch" area, are mystified by hats, welcome a suddenly homicidal E.T. to our podcast, and watch Thorax finally clue into the fact that Esme likes him, which sends him (literally?) over the moon. If only it really happened. We also have to suffer through more of Brooke McEldowney's annoyingly florid dialog. Of course we do, because when don't we? It's fun to discover the new ways that Esme shows her love this episode, which includes romantic gunplay and farting. (One caveat, we're not tech geniuses. And as we've recorded this podcast, we've had some glitches to deal with. Please bear with us for the occasional audio weirdness. We promise that they clear up. Eventually. Thanks!) The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first three are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1564049036147011584?s=20&t=tz39KFI6pCua7WH1H1pRKQ) The next two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1564049041918291968?s=20&t=tz39KFI6pCua7WH1H1pRKQ) The last two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1564049048167821313?s=20&t=tz39KFI6pCua7WH1H1pRKQ) This episode's very gassy journey includes: Axl Rose Spell-casting Unnecessary traffic stops Booty calls Shooting ranges Overalls More ellipsis abuse Nickels E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial Trash-sitters Love farts Mutual mental illness Sunsets Kim Kardashian Maleficent Show Notes Axl Rose dancing (https://youtu.be/I8RD0pvqyAI) E.T. (https://youtu.be/75M1XXEZciU) The Kardashian butt (https://www.the-sun.com/entertainment/5584829/kim-kardashian-shrinking-butt-years-fans-fillers-removed/) Maleficent (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1587310/) Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

How do we decide which strips to look at each episode? Brooke uses a very scientific "process of rage." And so this episode we focus on talking about Edda & Amos, the most romantic and perfect couple the modern world has ever seen. What evidence is there of their amazing relationship? Well, Amos goes out of his way to make a terrible pun and Edda either punches him or hip-checks him out of the strip. (Who can tell which? Not us, for sure!) Not for good, unfortunately. Edda also gets sexy for Amos, who is obviously too stupid to pick up on simple cues like lingerie. I mean, he's a real idiot. It nearly makes Jeff lose his mind. In a special Sunday edition, Amos's sexual petulance finds a new level, inspiring Edda to (apparently) put his entire ear in her mouth. We are apparently to believe that Amos and Edda are NOT doing it doggy style on a dock. Yeah yeah, sure sure, it's just accidental that they're drawn that way. Finally, their newborn twins, Polly and Lolly (lord help us), use their powers of mental telepathy to discuss Amos and Edda's sex life. It's totally cool, guys. Very, VERY cool. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: The first two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1569020251970613248?s=20&t=m4pO1oOKEwzj1QXby5yvvA) The big Sunday strip is here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1569020258039787520?s=20&t=m4pO1oOKEwzj1QXby5yvvA) The last two are here. (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1569020264092172288?s=20&t=m4pO1oOKEwzj1QXby5yvvA) This episode's "aphrodisiacal" journey includes: Subject: Nightmare Edda & Amos Van Hoesen Contractions Ba-donk-a-donk Jerry Lewis MMA Baby doll nighties Word bubbles The McEldowney Ellipsis KU / MU Rick Moranis Turtlenecks (yet again!) Yodeling The Bletter: The stylish Blazer/Sweater combo Clown pants Krusty the Clown Socrates Feminine wiles Monty Python & the Holy Grail Doggy style Lolly & Polly, the twins Nightrobes Bob Seger Peanuts Quality time Esperanto Sexual beings Fuck swing Show Notes "The Lonely Goatherd" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmmOJx_Hxto) "Krusty Gets Busted" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701147/) The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk) Esperanto Explained (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJWVOkdWQAs) This (https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Sex-Swings/zgbs/hpc/1243851011) is definitely in Amos & Edda's nursery. Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

For some reason, Edda or Amos (here sometimes referred to as Edna and Otis) has gone through a wormhole and now Polly and Lolly are older. How much older? Well, we think The Master intended them to be some specific age (probably because he couldn't wait for them to reach the age of consent, because he is a monster), but the way they are drawn from strip to strip makes it impossible to tell what age that is. Are they supposed to be in their early 20s? Mid-40's? 30s? Also, is there a reason (other than poor execution of course) that they both now have black hair which is going gray? So very fucking weird. There seems to be no reason for Polly and Lolly to have "time traveled" from an "alternative reality" other than to come raid Edda's closet for dresses. (EDITOR'S NOTE: it's ALWAYS alternate reality, no one has ever said alternative reality...until now.) Of course, daughters wearing their mom's clothes is a regular thing in this strip and it ALWAYS makes the mom mad. For some fucking reason. There is so much creepiness and grossness here that it was upsetting for us, including (but not limited to) the strip about Polly and Lolly as children talking about how they enjoy watching their parents dream about having sex. So, yeah, totally normal shit going on here, guys. Look, on this episode, it probably seems like we're just jumping into the middle of an ongoing story while ignoring the necessary prelude. And in a way we are. But here's the thing: We go back and do the research and Ol' Bee Mac-El-Dee plopped us down here with no real explanation. Because he's Just. That. Good. There's a sequence a couple of weeks before this where Edda is launched off a swing into space, but that's as close to a logical explanation as you're ever going to get in this god-forsaken comic. The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips either on Twitter by clicking here (https://x.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1763657388417339809?s=20), or on Instagram by clicking here (https://www.instagram.com/p/C3_Amuyv-Zr/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). This episode, which exists in an alternative reality, includes: Running in Griffith Park The Perfect Crime Time-Jumping Edna & Otis Twins Prematurely graying Coors Light "...and twins (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjaNL3J5Qik)" commercial Victorian Wasp Waist (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wasp_waist) The Ol' Ben Franklin Weird hands/crab claws The Ring girl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPtP_dfZXxc) Beaver shots Singin' in the Rain Boris Pasternak (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Pasternak) Alternate realities Little Lord Fauntleroy (https://www.amazon.com/Little-Lord-Fauntleroy-Ricky-Schroder/dp/B00000F4P6) Playing jacks Improper interrobang usage Mannequin legs Stilts Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).

It's our last podcast of 2022! So to celebrate the holidays, we focus on Christmas this episode. Despite striking out at Halloween and Thanksgiving, we give the holidays another shot and take a look to see if Brooke McEldowney has anything joyful or celebratory to say about Christmas. The answer is, of course, mostly no. We're exposed to a very weird "pickle leg," an inappropriately sexy ballet Santa, Edda's sexy knees, and there's even a fun Hitchcockian cameo from McEldowney himself. By "fun," we mean very, very confusing. Ultimately, Amos and Edda show us they have some serious Santa cosplay kink that they can't resist the gravitational pull of, even when their bedraggled-looking twins are nearby. Our exploration ends with McEldowney saying (through Edda) "God bless cartoonists." Because of course he does. It's just like the end of** A Christmas Carol**, only if Dickens was a pompous asshole. Which is our way of saying, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! We'll see you in 2023! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: Edda dances, Seth becomes Sexy Santa, and Edda has sexy knees are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1605481247681130496?s=20&t=xjVJuAW-XH44q68CdnTprA). Seth's roommate hits on Edda and barfs and Brooke McEldowney makes an appearance are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1605481250038329344?s=20&t=xjVJuAW-XH44q68CdnTprA). Amos fucks pregnant Santa and Polly & Lolly hate Christmas are here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1605481253066547200?s=20&t=xjVJuAW-XH44q68CdnTprA). And the world's most dismal White Christmas is here (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE/status/1605481255218270208?s=20&t=xjVJuAW-XH44q68CdnTprA). This episode's jolly journey includes: Cottonelle toilet paper Pandemic preparation Peanut butter Can peanut butter go bad (https://www.nationalpeanutboard.org/wellness/how-long-will-that-peanut-butter-last.htm)? Whimsical hydration bottles Kelsey Grammer falling off a stage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu-BqOsvj00). The classic Grape Stomping Lady (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RVyoAVgeyI) fall. The news tease jet pack fail (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRVspuAJyAY). "Effing Under the Christmas Tree!" Sudden Onset Baby Leg Pickle leg "Buon Natale" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDPjM5C0fCw) by Brave Combo. Conversion therapy Cindy Lou Who Cock rings Shame Underprivileged kids Uncle Fester fakes a neck injury on The Brady Bunch, but Mike outwits him (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36wLG0VUPXg). Knee fetish Mistletoe Warner Brothers cartoons Daffy Duck in "Duck Amuck" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QZDeDsadDs) Pregnant Santa Turtlenecks White Christmas Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Twitter: @9ChickweedRAGE (https://twitter.com/9chickweedRAGE)

In the days leading up to the wedding of Amos and Edda, Edda tries to seduce her (mostly) gay roommate Seth. He rebuffs her, or does he? She's engaged to Amos, but she (at the very least) dry humps his knee. He says no. But then (apparently?) he changes his mind and has sex with her anyway. Later, that same night? Later, like, the next day? It's impossible to decipher. But later she has sex with Amos and declares to him that she has always loved him. Both she and Seth lie about what happened. Amos seems to know what really happened but shoves it down deep inside so he can carry on living inside The Greatest Love Affair The World Has Ever Seen. As a result of whatever Edda did with Seth, she wants to elope. But they're stopped by Juliette and Seth who both want there to be a regular wedding, for very different reasons. Juliette wants a wedding she can attend, Seth wants Edda to wear the wedding dress he made her. The reasons he made the dress were to make Amos so amazed by her beauty that he would feel inferior and run to Seth for comfort, so Seth could then fuck Amos. Guys, this is actually what he says out loud in the strip. They get married. Their dog sniffs Eddas ass. And The Greatest Love Affair The World Has Ever Seen continues! The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode: You can find all of the strips on Instagram by [clicking here](https://www.instagram.com/p/DGHwroKxPJd/?utmsource=igwebcopylink&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). We've abandoned Twitter, because it's terrible, but you can now find us on Bluesky by clicking here (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social/post/3libhrs6kv22l). This disgusting episode includes: Diet Coke Buying 9chickweedrage.com Albania Coach from Cheers The Gulf of America Matilda Little Annie Rooney Billy Budd Siege of Vicksburg Cameltoe on both shoulders the Ben Franklin Odysseus McEldowney ellipses corn niblet teeth bag of Scrabble tiles Van Halen / Van Hagar / Van Hoesen Chimney sweeps crab claw hands see you next Tuesday turtlenecks It Happened One Night Howdy Doody Talk to Us! Having trouble understanding what's going on in a 9 Chickweed Lane strip you just read? Send it our way! We'll take a shot at interpreting it for you! Or maybe you just want someone to talk to? We're on Bluesky: @9ChickweedRAGE.bsky.social (https://bsky.app/profile/9chickweedrage.bsky.social). And we're on Instagram: @9ChickweedRage (https://www.instagram.com/9chickweedrage/).