Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive (Jen Lumanlan)

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	Pub. Date	Title	Duration
	03 Oct 2022	168: Feeling Triggered by Current Events	00:40:44
I know it can be really difficult to navigate all the events happening in the world today. It seems like things are falling apart, with wars, climate change-caused drought and wildfires in some areas and flooding in others, with hunger not following far behind. And things aren’t any better on the political front either. When difficult things happen out there in the world, they spill over into our relationships with our children. We suddenly find ourselves snapping at them far more easily than usual. The things they do that are normally mildly irritating now push us to the limit, and we end up reacting to them in ways that we don’t like. In this episode we discuss the reasons why you feel emotionally yanked around by things that are happening out there in the wider world, as well as by the ways these things are discussed online and in our families as well. We look at the tools you can use to regulate your emotions when this happens…but also that regulating your emotions and then voting to express your feelings about how the world should be isn’t going to make a meaningful difference. We learn tools you can use instead to create a sense of autonomy, which reduces stress and also change the circumstances themselves so they are less triggering in the future. If you know you need support with your triggered feelings, whether these are related to: Events that are going in in the wider world Seeing discussion of those events online or hearing about them from family members or friends Traumatic events that you experienced in your childhood Events in your childhood that you don’t think of as traumatic, and yet left marks on you Difficulties you’re having now …the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help. In the workshop you’ll learn what are the real causes of your triggered feelings (which really aren’t about your child’s behavior), and you’ll get support in taking on these ideas deeply so they aren’t just things you have to remember, but that you actually believe and live. The difficult things that happened to us happened in relationships with other people, and so we heal most effectively through relationships with other people as well. We’ll support you in an amazing community of parents who are all on this journey alongside you, and you’ll also get the opportunity to pair up with one of them so you can hold each other (gently!) accountable to keep going through the workshop even when things get hard, and to deepen your learning as you go. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Episodes mentioned in this episode
	06 May 2024	212: How to make the sustainable change you want to see in your family	01:01:12
Sustainable Family Change: Parenting Framework for Lasting Results Here's a little thought exercise: think back to what you were doing this time last year, right around Mother's Day (in the U.S...I know it has already passed in other places!). What kinds of things were your children doing that were really endearing? What kinds of things were they doing that drove you up the wall? What kinds of fights (resistance, back-talk, stalling, tantrums, etc.) were you having with them a year ago? Are you still having those same fights now (or variations on them)? Do you wish you weren't still having those fights? That you could get out of the endless cycle of trying an idea you saw on Instagram, seeing a small change, and backsliding to where you were before? Do you have all the tools you need so that a year from now you can look back and know, without any shadow of a doubt, that things are different now? Today I'm going to introduce you to several parents who have made exactly this shift, and a framework you can use to make it for yourself. It's not complicated. There are only five elements to it, and when they're all in place you can make sustainable change in parenting, as well as your own personal issues, work, and anything else you like. It really is very possible to make sustainable family change in parenting happen by yourself. But all of the five elements have to be in place, and operating consistently, to make it work. Losing focus on each one of the elements creates a different outcome, none of which are good: Confusion Anxiety Making slow progress Frustration Being on a treadmill If you can see already that one or more of these things are happening for you, the Parenting Membership will help you make the kind of sustainable change you want to see in your family. The first thing you'll do after you join is have a 20-minute private call with my community manager, Denise, who will see which element you're struggling with the most right now, and connect you to specific resources to help. Many of the parents who signed up this time last year are now in an entirely different place. Things like this are happening: Their preschoolers can use a picture-based list to accurately identify their own feelings and needs; Parents are recognizing how their own actions are creating shame in their children, and are working to address this; Parents see which parts of their co-parenting struggles are theirs to own, instead of blaming their difficulties on their co-parents; They can also see which parts are not theirs to own, make requests to get their needs met, and practice accepting their co-parent for who they are; Siblings are fighting less, because they understand each other's needs and can find strategies to meet both of their needs. Of course these parents still have hard days...but none of them looks back on who they were a year ago and thinks: "Aside from the fact that my kids are older, I don't really know what's different now from what it was a year ago." I want this kind of sustainable family change for you, too. It's so much more than taking a short course to learn a new skill. It's a fundamentally different way of being in the world. Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image below to learn more. Other episodes mentioned 042: How to teach a child to use manners
	08 Apr 2024	208: Three reasons why setting limits is hard (and what to do about each of them)	00:51:01
Do you ever wish that you know the appropriate logical consequence to give your child (aged 1-10) for each different kind of misbehavior you see? When your toddler empties the water out of the dog's bowl for the 10th time today... When your preschooler climbs on the table three minutes after you told them to get off it... When your kindergartener refuses to come to the table for dinner (and you know they're going to announce they're hungry in an hour)... When your elementary schooler won't get dressed in the morning (even though you know they are FULLY CAPABLE of doing it themselves) without 300 increasingly nagging, pleading, and begging 'reminders' from you... Wouldn't it be amazing to have the PERFECT logical consequence ready that would be appropriately proportioned to the misbehavior, and also just get your child to do the thing you're asking without you having to ask again??? But here's the thing about logical consequences: they essentially say to our child: "I don't care why you don't want to do this thing; I just want you to do it." If we saw one adult saying that to another adult, we would call it 'emotional abuse.' So why do we do it to our children? Because it seems like we don't have another option to get through the day. We actually have many other options; it's just hard to remember them all and which one to use in which circumstance. In today's episode, I'll tell you the three main reasons why setting limits is hard (and what to do about each of them). And if you want my complete framework for how to navigate misbehavior, with ALL FIVE of the tools we can use and guidelines on exactly WHEN to use each of them, sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Other episodes mentioned: 182: How to get frustrating behaviors to stop 193: You don't have to believe everything you think 200: Ask Alvin Anything Part 1Jump to Highlights: 00:52 Introducing today’s topic 02:32 Invitation to join the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop 11:08 The number 3 reason why setting limits is so hard 12:58 The importance of respectful communication and mutual understanding in parent-child interactions, highlighting scenarios where setting limits may not always be the most effective solution 25:04 The number 2 reason why it's hard to set limits 26:02 Setting limits and respecting a child's autonomy, advocating for a collaborative approach to parenting 28:41 The number 1 reason why we find it so hard to set limits 29:12 The importance of...
	19 Aug 2024	221: How to advocate for the schools our children deserve with Allyson Criner Brown & Cassie Gardener Manjikian	01:11:06
How to advocate for the schools our children deserve How comfortable do you feel speaking up about something your child’s school needs? Have you noticed that some parents seem to feel more comfortable speaking up than others? Have you ever noticed that sometimes rules and policies in school don’t seem to be applied evenly to all students, while squeaky wheels who raise issues that concern them and their children tend to get addressed? If you have, and you’d like to understand more about what you’re seeing and know what to do about it, then this episode is for you. My guest for this episode is Allyson Criner Brown, an award-winning equity practitioner, trainer, and scholar who has worked at the intersections of pre-K-12 education, family, and community engagement, environmental justice, and local government. I also have a co-interviewer joining me, parent Cassie Gardener Manjikian, who asked for this episode after she noticed that the everyday actions she was seeing in her school weren’t matching up with the school’s (and district’s) own goals and plans. In the episode, we answer questions like: What are the valuable ways that parents contribute to their children’s learning, even if they never volunteer in the classroom? What kinds of social challenges happen in schools, and how do these affect our kids? How can I advocate for changes if the Principal doesn’t seem interested? What kinds of tools can we use with teachers and parents if people are on board with doing things differently but just don’t know what to do or how to do it? If I’m the kind of parent who is never going to join the PTA, what role can I play? We all have an important role to play in creating the schools our children deserve - this episode will help...
	23 Jan 2023	Q&A #1: Should I let my child hit me, or a pillow?	00:24:04
This episode kicks off a series of new episodes that I'm very excited about, which is based on listeners' questions. My goal is to produce shorter episodes that cut across the research base to help you answer the questions that are on your mind about your child's behavior and development. Our first question comes from Dee in New Zealand, who wants to know: should she should do what her preschooler is asking and buy a pair of inflatable boxing gloves so he can hit her when he's feeling angry. Or would hitting a pillow be a better option? If you'd like to submit your own question, you can record a video of yourself asking it in two minutes or less, upload it to a platform like Drive or Dropbox, and send a link to it at support@yourparentingmojo.com. Alternatively you can go to the homepage and click the button to record your question for an audio-only option. Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, Taming Your Triggers will be open soon. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Other episodes referenced in this episode: Episode 159, Supporting girls' relationships with Dr. Marnina Gonick Jump to highlights
	01 May 2022	155: How to get your child to listen to you	00:51:42
Recently someone posted a question in one of my communities: “Is it really so wrong to want my child to just LISTEN to me sometimes? It seems like such a no-no in gentle parenting circles, and I’m worried that my child is growing up to be entitled and won’t know how to respect authority when they really HAVE to.” Parent Chrystal gave such a beautiful and eloquent response to this question that I asked her to come back on the show (her first visit was last year) to talk us through how she approaches getting her (three! spirited!) children to listen to her…and what tools she uses instead.And this doesn’t end up creating entitled children who refuse to cooperate with any authority figure; in fact, her most spirited child was called a “conscientious and rule-abiding upstanding model student” by her teacher (which just about made Chrystal laugh out loud). Chrystal has been on this respectful parenting journey for a while now, but I learned during this interview that she first interacted with me in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop, where she started transforming a lot of the battles she was having with her children into a collaborative, cooperative relationship. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights 02:37 Reasons we get triggered when our child isn’t listening to us. 03:38 An open invitation to join the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. 04:50 Chrystal's manifestation that her parenting is effective. 06:06 Saying NO to our child isn’t necessarily the right answer. 06:57 Challenges that Chrystal had as someone who was brought up in a religious family. 07:58 At a young age, Chrystal was responsible for the needs of her mother and siblings. 09:58 How resilience will play a big role in our children. 10:50 Impacts on our child for having a lot of control and compliance. 11:20 Chrystal’s transition from being controlled to having freedom and autonomy. 12:26 As a result of having a strong-willed children, Chrystal experiences a lot pushback and challenges. 15:08 When to set limits and boundaries to our children. 18:04 Ways to navigate our younger child when we need to take a pause in a situation. 19:07 The difference between setting limits and boundaries. 21:15 The importance of respectful parenting. 23:09 Using body cues instead of saying NO. 25:30 Introduction to Problem Solving Conversation: Nonjudgmental Observation 26:33 Finding solutions that is grounded in meeting our needs, and the needs of our children as well. 31:02 Our children's resistance creates a "US VS. THEM" scenario. 36:39 The unique needs of having multiple children. 37:47 The lessons that Chrystal learned from the book...
	16 Sep 2024	Q&A#6: Am I damaging my child?	01:00:55
Today's episode comes from listener who submitted an emotional voicemail on the Ask Jen a Question button on the Your Parenting Mojo homepage, which boils down to: Am I damaging my child? The messages you can leave are limited to two minutes in length, so we get just a taste of what the parent is struggling with: a difficult relationship with their neurodivergent son, because he triggers the parent and then the parent feels triggered again by the guilt and shame that some of the challenges the son is facing might be the parent's fault. In this episode I walk though neuropsychologist R. Douglas Fields' LIFEMORTS framework of rage triggers - because if we understand the kinds of things that trigger us, we can avoid some of those triggers entirely and then see the rest of them coming and resource ourselves before they arrive. I link these rage triggers with broader social issues that we may be carrying in the backs of our minds without even realizing it, and the energy it takes to constantly manage our thoughts about these issues is energy we don't have to spend meeting our children's needs - or our needs. I also offer a set of three steps you can use to help you navigate triggering situations with your children more effectively. Taming Your Triggers Workshop If you see that your relationship with your child isn't where you want it to be because you: Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child... Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated... Feel guilt and/or shame about how they're experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them... ...the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Other episodes mentioned 207: How to not be a permissive parent 224: How to heal your Mom Rage (coming up) Jump to Highlights 00:58 Introducing today’s topic 01:17 Listener recorded question 02:55 Jen empathizes with the parent's stress and dual triggers of misbehavior and self-judgment, acknowledges potential trauma or neurodivergence, validates their experience. 18:26 Understand your triggers by exploring nine categories (LIFEMORTS): life or limb, insult, family, environment, mate, order in society, resources, tribe, and stopped, as outlined by Dr. R. Douglas Fields. 34:02 Mom rage, deeply intertwined with systemic gender and racial inequalities, reflects broader societal issues and significantly impacts women's health and parenting. 46:06 Intergenerational trauma affects all communities, passing down violence and its impacts through generations. 46:55 Three ways to support parents dealing with their own trauma and its impact on their children.
	18 Jan 2021	Dismantling White Supremacy and Patriarchy on MLK Day	00:16:54
In this short ad hoc episode that was originally recorded as a Facebook Live, I discuss ways that my family is working on dismantling both White supremacy and patriarchy (and having a go at capitalism while we're at it!) this Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday weekend. The best part is that this doesn't have to be heavy work that brings with it a huge sense of guilt. It's about building community that lifts all of us up, and gets us out of the 'stay in my lane' mindset that White supremacy uses to keep us in line. And it also doesn't have to happen only on the holiday itself - this work is just as relevant and important the rest of the year. Prefer to watch rather than listen? Click here to join the free YPM Facebook group and watch the video recording of the episode [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:01 Hello, everyone, it's Jen. And I just wanted to do another live episode as it were in the free Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group because I did one recently for the events after the US Capitol siege. And responding to that, and actually looked at the analytics on it and found that it was one of my most recently downloaded episodes. So, this is sort of just another informal episode. And we'll be back to regular programming next week, but wanted to share some thoughts on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which is today here in the US. And I think this is actually the special—the first holiday recorded an episode that I've done ever. So it feels kind of cool to be doing it for this particular day for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. And I wanted to share some thoughts that actually I concepted on a bike ride, which tends to be how these things come about when I have some time to think. And I'm really sort of thinking, “Okay, what is it that parents need to know in this right now? What's important about continuing Dr. King's legacy?” And I talked in the episode from last week about the events in the US Capitol, about the anti-racist work that we're doing, and that is so necessary that has to continue, yes, we have to keep doing that. We also need to do things like learning about the achievements of Black people, both in history and today. And at all that I really enjoy for that is, if you're not watching on Facebook Live, I'm holding up these Black history flashcards. They're published by an organization called Urban intellectuals, which I believe is a Black-owned company. And we've actually been storing them in a little teacup on our dining room table, and my daughter will request that we go through at least one and up to three of them, I draw the line at three because then I don't get to eat dinner at the dinner table every day. And we talk through not just sort of the what are the bullet points on the back of the card that each of these individuals on the cards did. Jen Lumanlan 01:55 But what does it mean? What does it mean that to say that they were entrepreneurs, trappers, and traders in the 1700s is one of the people that we read about last night was what kind of circumstances came into place to even make that possible when the vast majority of Black people in that period who were over in the Americas were enslaved. What kind of circumstances and personality and situation were involved in this? And so I think that that is really helping us to put some kind of context around. It's not just that there were millions of Black people here in the US, and they were all enslaved, and they were sort of this monolithic entity. But these were individual people who had individual lives and individual concerns, and they made incredibly valued and undervalued contributions to our culture, you know, inventing things and setting up one of the people we read about last night set up the city of Chicago, he founded a settlement that turned into
	24 Jan 2021	128: Should I Redshirt My Child?	01:06:09
Parents - worried about their child's lack of maturity or ability to 'fit in' in a classroom environment - often ask me whether they should hold their child back a year before entering kindergarten or first grade. In this episode I review the origins of the redshirting phenomenon (which lie in Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, and which statisticians say contained some seriously dodgy math), what it means for your individual child, as well as for the rest of the children in the class so you can make an informed decision. Jump to highlights: (01:00) Malcolm Gladwell's anecdote about the Junior League Medicine Hat Tigers and Vancouver Giants ice hockey teams that initiated the redshirting craze (02:56) Ability grouping is done in early childhood, just like in sports (03:59) Parents holding their children back from kindergarten came to be referred to as redshirting (10:20) How common is redshirting? (11:04) Boys are redshirted at a ratio of 2:1 compared to girls (12:18) The maturationist approach of why to redshirt (13:05) State support and agenda for redshirting (15:10) Teachers tendency to view a maturationist view of development. (17:16) The Maturation Hypothesis (17:36) Parents redshirt their children to give their child an advantage (20:34) Redshirting as a way to give boys age and size advantage and avoid getting bullied (27:28) Making a judgement call into what benefits mean with regards to the body of research on redshirting (29:24) The evidence of whether redshirting is beneficial (35:19) Misdiagnosis of ADHD caused by relative maturity (37:56) A year outside of school reduces the likelihood that children receive timely identifications of learning difficulties (38:35) Students with speech impairments may actually benefit from redshirting (39:22) Redshirted students may have more behavioral problems in high school (46:04) Children from higher socioeconomic status are more likely to perform well in tests in kindergarten (48:19) It’s possible that the way the teacher sees the child is what helps the child because of Labelling Theory (49:46) Opportunity hoarding associated with middle-class, White parents. (52:01) Is kindergarten truly the new first grade? (56:06) Advocating for Developmentally Appropriate Practice or DAP (57:35) Almost everyone agrees that retention has negative impacts on children (58:55) Accumulative Advantage (01:00:07) Malcolm Gladwell’s proposed solution to homogenize and my thoughts on it (01:02:32) Summary (01:04:56) Why I think asking "should I redshirt my child" is the wrong question Books and Resources: Outliers: The Story of Success, by Malcolm Gladwell 13 Reasons Why Your Child Won’t Listen to You and What to do About Each One School Can Wait, by Raymond S. Moore and Dorothy N. Moore Links: 085: White privilege in schools 086: Playing to Win: How does playing sports impact children? 117: Socialization and...
	10 Jan 2021	Responding to the U.S. Capitol Siege	00:27:27
In this ad hoc episode, I outline a response to the U.S. Capitol siege. I provide some suggestions for ways to talk with your child about the events, but also ask that you take two more steps: (1) examine your own role in these events, even if you condemn them yourself (as I do); (2) take action based on your own position and role in the world to work toward equality. You can find my resources on the intersection of parenting and race here. There's a specific blog post suggesting a script for talking with children about the Black Lives Matter movement (which could be adapted for this situation) here. Showing Up for Racial Justice's Action Hours are here [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:01 Hello, everybody! I am recording live in our Facebook group. And I'm also recording this separately on the camera and on audio only as a way to share this information more broadly across a variety of platforms. I thought it was actually sharing in the group a minute ago, and I am not sure that it was working so I'm just trying to give this another go around. And I think actually, I just got the same message pop up saying that I was not sharing and now I am sharing, so hopefully this is going through to everywhere that it's supposed to be going. So the content of what I want to talk about today is about what has happened at the US Capitol. And it's been a couple of days, it's Friday, today, January 8, and two days after the events happened at the Capitol. And I wasn't really sure what to say and so I didn't want to say anything, I didn't want to say the wrong thing. And I went out for a bike ride this morning and it sort of clarified for me what it was that I wanted to say. And so that's why if you're watching this on video, you're probably seeing a bit of a stripe across my forehead and I'm freshly showered because I kind of came back and was on fire about what it was that I wanted to say. And so you're sort of hearing my relatively raw unedited thoughts. And I'm a little nervous about sharing those with you which is why you probably hear this in my voice. So I want to start with talking with our children about the events that have happened at the Capitol, because I'm hearing questions in Facebook groups and other places online if parents want to have these kinds of conversations with their children, but they don't know how to do it or they're thinking, okay, maybe my children are too young to understand what's going on and I don't want to scare them, and I'm not sure if I'm going to have a conversation with them at all. Jen Lumanlan 01:57 And so, I have published resources on this before I actually have a post on how to talk with your child about Black Lives Matter. And I think that a lot of the principles that are discussed in there are very similar. And we want to do it in an age-appropriate way, we want to lead with their questions, and so I think ideally, this will come from them being out in the world, and they'll see things that they're curious about, and they'll ask about them, and that will lead into a conversation on these topics. But if we are not out so much lately, as many of us are not and maybe we don't have the news on all the time, and so their exposure to it may be much less than it otherwise would have been. And so well, what can we do when that's the case? And we're not sure how to bring the conversation up? Well, I would say the first thing we can do is to talk about it with a spouse or significant other or another adult over dinner, or over some other period of time where it's natural for you to have a conversation. And to just talk...
	06 Jun 2022	158: Deconstructing Developmental Psychology with Dr. Erica Burman	00:49:00
I read a lot of textbooks on parenting for my Master’s in Psychology (Child Development), I’ve read tens of thousands of peer-reviewed papers on the topic, and part of the reason it’s hard work is that you can’t ever take things at face value. In her now classic book Deconstructing Developmental Psychology, Dr. Erica Burman explodes a number of our ideas about child development by calling our attention to what’s really going on in an interaction, rather than what we think is going on. For example, there’s a classic study where researchers put a baby on a solid surface which changed to glass, which had a design underneath implying that there was a ‘cliff edge’ that the baby would fall off if it went onto the glass. Researchers designed the experiment to find out what babies could understand about depth perception, but perhaps what they were actually testing was the extent to which the mother’s encouragement or lack of encouragement (and it was always the mother) could entice the baby across the ‘gap.’ These kinds of confounds exist throughout the research base, and because we’re not taught to look below the surface it can be easy to accept the results at face value. Dr. Burman specializes in looking below the surface so we can examine: what are we really trying to understand here? And in doing this, are we reinforcing the same old ideas about ‘success’ that aren’t really serving us now, never mind our children in the future? Dr. Erica Burman’s Book: Deconstructing Developmental Psychology 3rd Edition Developments: Child, Image, Nation (Affiliate links). Jump to highlights: (01:12) The contribution of Professor Erica Burman to psychology. (03:05) First studies about Childhood Development. (04:26) How general philosophical questions are linked in child studies. (07:42) Childhood as a distinct social category. (09:10) The Concept of Human Interiority and Childhood. (10:17) Our hopes, fears, and fantasies about childhood reflect our ideas about our lost selves. (13:23) How the study of child development shifted when behaviorism came into play. (16:28) We assume psychology is connected with child development. (18:27) Importance of Democratic Parenting in our society. (19:57) Developmental researchers oppressed working mothers and middle-class mothers. (22:23) Impacts of authoritarian regimes in our parenting. (27:19) Using visual cliff as an experiment in understanding depth perception in children. (29:06) A child is functioning within a dynamic system of people and objects and everything around it. (31:02) Mother’s appear as...
	11 Dec 2023	199: Digging Deeper into Parenting Beyond Power with Rachel Disney	00:43:53
Listener Rachel also reached out with some questions, and due to my book tour schedule it took us a little longer to get a call on the calendar, but eventually - on a day in Seattle when I also had a coaching call and two two-hour workshops based on the book - we made it happen. Rachel's questions go deeeep. She wanted to know: If there are ideas I logically know are the right ones to follow but I still have trouble doing it; How my parenting is evolving as Carys gets older (her own daughter is a year older than Carys); Whether I think my view of parenting is possible within the social and political systems in which we currently live. Parenting Beyond Power Do you want to change the way you parent and make a positive impact on your family and the world? Parenting Beyond Power is your key to unlocking this transformative path. Embrace a fresh parenting approach, nurturing collaborative and harmonious connections with your children, all while contributing to a more inclusive and equitable world for all. So don't hesitate – start transforming your parenting journey today, and grab your copy of Parenting Beyond Power now to get started! Click the banner to learn more. Taming Your Triggers Do you often find yourself caught in the whirlwind of your child's challenging behavior? Are you seeking ways to foster calm and connection in your parenting journey, even during the most trying moments? Look no further—Taming Your Triggers will help. If you: Often feel triggered by your child’s difficult behavior… Want to find out how to get your child to stop doing the thing that drives you up the wall Know you want to respond calmly to your child but can’t seem to do it in the moment… Want to parent with love and connection even on the most stressful days Feel like gentle parenting techniques won’t ‘work’ with your child Then Taming Your Triggers is for you. This workshop will empower you with the tools, insights, and support to navigate the ups and downs of parenting with confidence. It helps in all relationships - spouses and parents/in-laws too! Join the waitlist to get notified when doors reopen. Jump to Highlights 01:20 Introducing today’s guest and topic 03:51 Rachel asks how the content of...
	07 Nov 2022	171: How Good People Can Create A More Just Future with Dr. Dolly Chugh	01:03:43
Did you read Little House on the Prairie when you were a child? I didn't, but I know it's a common American rite of passage. My guest in this new episode, Dr. Dolly Chugh, got entirely immersed in the story with her two young daughters - so much so that they took a vacation to the places depicted in the story, and her daughters danced around in prairie dresses. Dr. Chugh didn't realized until afterward that there was something missing from both Little House on the Prairie and from her family's exploration of the Midwest: settlers didn't arrive to find unoccupied land ready for farming; the government actively removed Native Americans from the land so it could be occupied by 'settlers.' Dr. Chugh studies issues related to race as a professor, and yet she completely missed this aspect of our country's history. In her new book, A More Just Future, Dr. Chugh asks why so-called Good People act in ways that are counter to their beliefs because we don't have all the information we need, or we prioritize some information over others. In our conversation we discussed this research, and what we can all do to take actions that are aligned with our values - even when we're new to working on social justice issues. Dr. Dolly Chugh Book: A more just future: Reckoning with our past and driving social change. (Affiliate link) Jump to highlights: (09:13) 3 ways that we tend to perceive ourselves. (12:02) People who are trying to avoid a loss are more likely to make less ethical choices than people trying to make a game. (14:35) Kahneman and Tversky's work that says how you frame something can have meaningful consequences, even if the thing you're framing is exactly the same. (15:06) So that’s all the research of Framing says, and the gain versus loss piece of it says that you can have identical situations. But what the research, Molly Curran and I have shown us that if you frame it as a loss, people are more likely to cheat. (28:51) James Loewen has done some, some deep analyses of textbooks where he's, you know, God bless him spent two years he took like the 20 most popular history textbooks used in American high schools. References Blunt, A., & Pychyl, T.A. (2005). Project systems of procrastinators: A personal project-analytic and action control perspective. Personality and Individual Differences 38(8), 1771-1780. Fee, R.L., & Tangney, J.P. (2000). Procrastination: A means of avoiding shame or guilt? Journal of social behavior and personality 15(5), 167-184. Gilbert, D.T., Wilson, T.D., Pinel, E.C., Blumberg, S.J., & Wheatley, T.P. (1998). Immune neglect: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Personality and Social Psychology 75(3), 617-638. Kim, K., del Carmen Triana, M., Chung, K., & Oh, N. (2015). When do employees cyberloaf? An interactionist perspective examining personality, justice, and empowerment. Human Resource Management 55(6), 1041-1058. Sirois, F.M., Melia-Gordon, M.L., & Pychyl, T.A. (2003). “I’ll look after my health, later”: An investigation of procrastination and health. Personality and Individual Differences 35(5), 1167-1184. Sirois, F.M., & Pychyl, T. (2013). Procrastination and the priority of short-term mood regulation: Consequences for future self. Social and Personality Psychology Compass 7(2), 115-127. Wohl, M.J.A., Pychyl, T.A., & Bennett, S.H. (2010). I forgive myself, now I can study: how self-forgiveness for procrastination can reduce future procrastination. Personality and Individual Differences 48, 803-808.
	20 Jun 2022	159: Supporting Girls’ Relationships with Dr. Marnina Gonick	00:49:23
I've been wanting to do this episode for a loooong time. We covered episodes a long time ago on how children form social groups, and what happens when they exclude each other from play, but I wanted to do an episode exploring this issue related to slightly older girls, and from a cultural perspective. There are a lot of books and articles out there on the concept of mean girls and I wanted to understand more about that. Why are girls 'mean' to each other? Is it really a choice they're making...or is it a choice in response to a complex set of demands that we put on them about what it means to be female in our culture? I had a really hard time finding anyone who was doing current research on the topic, and I mentioned this on a group coaching call in the Parenting Membership. A member, Caroline, said: “I know someone who can speak to this!” Caroline had explored girls’ relationships in young adult literature for her master’s thesis, and knew Dr. Marnina Gonick’s work. Caroline introduced us, Dr. Gonick agreed to talk, and we all had a great conversation about girls’ role in our culture, how they are affected by it, and how they are agents of change as well. Dr. Gonick is Canada Research Chair in Gender and also holds a joint appointment in Education and Women’s Studies at Mount St. Vincent University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. She has written two books on the topic of girls’ relationships as well as a whole host of peer-reviewed articles. Dr. Gonick also introduced me to an expert on boys’ relationships and we’re currently working to schedule an interview in a few weeks so there should be more to come on that soon! Dr. Marnina Gonick’s Books: Young Femininity: Girlhood, Power and Social Change 2004th Edition Between Femininities: Ambivalence, Identity, and the Education of Girls (SUNY series, Second Thoughts: New Theoretical Formations) (Affiliate links). Jump to highlights: (03:36) How changes in cultural norms influence our understanding of what it means to be a girl. (05:27) The way in which a change in behavior can help us understand the experiences of girls in general. (06:36) What does the school curriculum say about girls that causes them to be disadvantaged in schools. (08:35) How damaging it is for girls to be victims in a patriarchal society. (10:25) Why our social systems aren't necessarily organized around girls' well-being (12:50) The concept of girl power can be seen as either working for or...
	17 Apr 2022	153: Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home	00:57:00
In her book Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, Toko-pa Turner talks about the disconnection we feel from others, as well as from our own selves, because of the experiences we’ve had in our childhood. While Toko-pa’s childhood was traumatic by any definition, even those of us who didn’t experience severe trauma were told - either verbally or non-verbally: You’re not enough. You’re not good enough. Or even: You’re too much.And we shut off that part of us, whatever it was. Our sense of joy, our creativity, our need for autonomy. We set aside those needs so we could be accepted by our family, whose love we craved more than anything in the world.But that doesn’t mean we need to always live our lives in this way. We can accept the pain and suffering we’ve experienced, and incorporate that into new, more whole ways of being in the world. A big part of this is finding a new relationship with our needs - seeing them, understanding them, being willing to articulate them. Being willing to ask for help in meeting our needs - from our children, our partners, and our communities. Toko-pa points out that our culture teaches us that the giver is in the position of strength; they are rich and secure and don’t need anyone’s help. The receiver is the weak, poor, needy one (the whole thing smacks of femininity, doesn’t it?). So to be in the position of strength we give and give and give until we don’t have anything left.But we have needs too, and we deserve to have these met, and to invite others to help us meet them - and this episode helps us to get started.I want to remind you of a couple of upcoming opportunities if you see that your own needs are not being met right now. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Toko-Pa Turner's Book Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home (Affiliate Link). Jump to highlights 02:18 We create separation because we worry that we won’t be acceptable to the world. 02:50 An open invitation to join the free Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Workshop. 05:01 Toko-Pa’s quest for belonging leaves her hungry for her mother's love and recognition. 06:38 Our first experiences of not belonging come at the hands of our families 08:51 Due to the dogma we have lived, we learn to hide, dismiss, or separate our feelings that are not valued 12:03 The desire to teach our child a lesson comes from our own pain, resulting from our own trauma. 13:25 Women are raised with extensive cultural history programming that dictates how a proper lady should behave. 18:54 The Death Mother is an archetype that represents a mother who takes control of her children's...
	15 Jan 2024	201: How to create a culture of consent in our families	01:01:47
When Carys was about three, I forced a dropper of antibiotics into her mouth to just get her to take it, so she would start to feel better. We were both tired and hangry and I didn't see another path forward, when she was refusing something that I knew would help her. What other choice did I have? My husband did see another path when he arrived home later that evening, and before she went to bed she willingly took a full dose of the medicine. These kinds of situations come up often in parenting: where we're trying to get our child to do something, perhaps even for their own health and safety, and they refuse. It can seem like the only path forward is to force them against their will - after all, we are doing this for their own good, right? But what if there was another way to make these things happen that met your child's needs for autonomy over their own bodies, and also met your needs for peace and ease and harmony and protection of their health and safety? That's what we'll work through in today's episode. We'll look closely at the way consent is perceived in our culture, and how these messages are transmitted - in school, in peer groups, in movies and songs, and in our families. I'm also introducing a new element into podcast episodes to help you put the ideas in the episode into practice. At the end of the episode I offer three suggestions for things you could try in your relationship with your own child - organized into mild, medium, and spicy options so you can step in at the level that feels right to you. Trigger warning: I do discuss sexual assault in this episode. It might not be one you listen to with your children around, and if you have experienced sexual assault, please make sure you're well resourced if you do choose to listen. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Are there times when your child doesn’t listen? Do they stall, ignore you, refuse to do the things you ask…and then look you right in the eye while doing the thing you asked them NOT to do? Do you feel disrespected when your child does these things – but have no idea what to do about it because the one thing you KNOW is that you don’t want to treat your child the same way your parents treated you? If so, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop will help. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Join the waitlist and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more Other episodes referenced 079: What is RIE?084: The Science of RIE Jump to Highlights 00:54 Introducing today’s topic 05:24 Getting consent from babies through non-verbal cues 14:12 The existence of a rape culture that normalizes and trivializes sexual assault 16:55 Understanding consent beyond the typical script of cisgender heterosexual relationships 23:36 How distorted perceptions of feminism impact consent education 27:05 The importance of discussing consent beyond sexual situations...
	19 Sep 2021	SYPM 015: How to support each unique child’s learning journey	00:52:15
I hear from a lot of parents who are worried about their children’s learning. They tell me things like: “I want to encourage my child’s learning and creativity and confidence as a learner without solely focusing on literacy and numeracy.” “We’ve been in lockdown here in Melbourne for a very long time, with my older kids learning remotely, and I feel that a lot of the tasks they are given by their school are a bit … uninspiring. It’s so cool when there is something that really engages them and I’m trying to find more things like that.” “I am wary about the school system squashing the natural instinct to learn, as I feel it did with me. But I'm hoping we can provide the attitude and environment at home to mitigate this.” “What we have read about traditional schooling is a bit disheartening but something we have to embrace for now. So it is important that with the time we have outside of school we do the best we can to encourage his spark for exploration and learning.” “My children are already in school. Even though they (and I) are happy with their school and learning so far, I would love to learn how I can support them better and help them being more motivated and stay curious. The challenges of distant-learning that we experienced during the lockdowns have highlighted that I find it difficult to be a good teacher for them and I would like to change that.” If you could have said (or have already said!) one or more of these things yourself, then I want to introduce you to Madeline. She describes all three of her children as ‘spirited’ (you can kind of see it in their eyes, right?!) When I first met her, she wanted to know that she was doing everything she could to support their intrinsic love of learning in the preschool years - and she wasn’t sure whether or not they would go to school. In this episode we discuss some of the Learning Explorations she’s done with them, how she became confident that she really was meeting each child’s learning needs, and what decision she ultimately made about school! Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click the banner to learn more! Jump to highlights: (00:02) Introduction to the episode (05:08) Kids’ creativity encouraged through Kid Kitchen Creations (06:38) What Madeline values as a parent:...
	17 Oct 2021	146: The Rested Child with Dr. Chris Winter	01:10:29
Sleep! It’s a topic that’s on pretty much every parent’s mind. We’ve already looked at this from a cultural perspective, where we learned our Western approach to sleep is by no means universal, and that this can result in quite a few of the problems we face in getting our children to sleep. In this episode we dive deep into the practicalities of sleep with Dr. Chris Winter, who has practiced sleep medicine and neurology since 2004. His first book, The Sleep Solution, Why Your Sleep Is Broken and How To Fix It (affiliate link) was focused on adults’ sleep challenges, and I’ve been putting the ideas in it into practice and have been getting better sleep as a result. His new book is The Rested Child: Why Your Tired, Wired, or Irritable Child May Have a Sleep Disorder--And How to Help (affiliate link), and is based on Dr. Winters’ almost two decades of experience of evaluating children in the sleep clinic that he founded. We’ll look at ways that you can get more sleep (or maybe even more rest that feels almost as restful as sleep), whether you can shift your (or your child’s!) sleep patterns, how to banish bedtime struggles for good, and so much more! This episode is for all parents, but especially for those who are expecting or have a child under the age of one, and who are desperately trying to get more sleep (or worried about being in that phase of life in the near future!). We’ll help you get started on the right foot so you can know you’re doing the best for your child - and for yourself as well. If you are expecting or have a child under one and you’d like to join the Right From The Start course to help you find the path that’s right for you and your child on sleep and feeding and independent play and brain development and not lose yourself in the process, then we’d love to have you join us. Get notified when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more. Dr. Chris Winter's Books: The Rested Child: Why Your Tired, Wired, or Irritable Child May Have a Sleep Disorder--and How to Help The Sleep Solution: Why Your Sleep is Broken and How to Fix It (Affiliate links). [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released, and get a free guide called 13 reasons why your child won't listen to you, and what to do about each one, just head over to yourparentingmojo.com/subscribe. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners and the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen Lumanlan 01:00 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we're going to talk about a topic that I know interests parents everywhere and that is sleep. We've already covered this on the show from the perspective of...
	12 Aug 2024	220: Nutritious movement for your child – and you!	01:04:17
Why Movement Matters More Than Exercise for Kids A few months ago my daughter had a routine checkup at the doctor, who asked how much screen time she gets in a day (which is more than typical recommendations but way less time than children spend sitting in school). The doctor told her (but really she told me): “You should get more exercise.” Carys isn’t a team sports kind of person. She doesn’t love hiking, and she only really likes biking when friends are with us. Something about the ‘get more exercise’ advice didn’t sit quite right with me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Then I found Katy Bowman’s work and suddenly it all made sense. Katy points out that movement and exercise are not the same thing. Even if we aren’t getting enough exercise, what we need far more than exercise is movement. In this episode, we discuss questions like: What, exactly, is movement? What does it mean for our children to move…and how about us? How do we get more of it when our days are already so full? (I know I thought that, but I’ve found ways to incorporate a daily stretching routine without taking any time away from anything else I do. We discuss how in the episode!) What children learn through movement Our children learn through movement. Yes, they learn how to move. They also learn what our society thinks about movement, which is likely to set them up for a lifetime of not-moving, unless we support them in doing things differently. Finally, they come to understand their bodies better when they move. They learn how their body signals ‘this feels great’ and ‘this doesn’t feel right.’ They learn to interact with physical things: Dr. Roger Kneebone (no joke!) at Imperial College London has observed that medical students have seemed less comfortable doing delicate tasks with their hands since smartphones became popular. In other words, they learn to trust themselves. We have a whole module on Full-Bodied Learning in the Learning Membership where we come to understand much more deeply what children learn with their bodies, and how to help them do it. And that’s just one of the 12 topics you’ll cover in your first year, as you become an expert on topics like scaffolding your child’s learning, nurturing critical thinking, and supporting metacognitive learning. If you’re thinking that you don’t have time to add one more thing to your plate, I can show you how to make it happen. Enrollment will open soon. As usual, we have sliding scale pricing and a money back guarantee. It’s totally risk free to try it out. Click the banner to learn more. Katy’s books referenced for this episode (affiliate links) Dynamic aging: Simple exercises for whole-body mobility Grow wild: The whole-child, whole-family, nature-rich guide to moving more Movement Matters: Essays on Movement Science, Movement Ecology, and the Nature of Movement
	01 Aug 2022	162: Supporting children through grief with Katie Lear	00:58:39
This episode builds on our conversation with Dr. Atle Dyregrov on the topic of talking with children about death, where we focused mainly on death as a general concept and navigating the first few days after the death. Grief therapist Katie Lear has a new book called A Parent's Guide to Managing Childhood Grief and focuses on the much longer period of mourning that follows the death of someone close to a child. We look at: The four 'tasks' of mourning that most people (including children) move through Activities we can do in each task to help children navigate their feelings effectively long the process usually takes Signs that a child is engaged in 'complicated grief' and needs more support Where and how to find that support Resources mentioned in the show Katie's website The book A Parent's Guide to Managing Childhood Grief Selma Fraiberg's book The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood The Dougy Center(resources and referrals to grief therapists) Books Katie recommends for reading with young children When Dinosaurs Die Ida Always The Endless Story The Dead Bird Goodbye Mousie Jump to highlights (03:13) Important topics in Katie Lear’s book, A Parent's Guide to Managing Childhood Grief (04:43) Understanding what grief looks like in children and in adult (07:38) The four tasks that children need to work through during the grieving process (11:39) Useful activities in supporting children in the first stages of grief (14:03) Katie recommends picture books about death that are written in a way that children can understand and that help normalize the feelings associated with the grieving process (15:49) Should we tell our children the truth about a parent's death? (17:45) Feelings a child experiences when someone close to them dies (18:54) How does displaying a parent's grief to their child affect their behavior (21:24) Understanding our child’s commotion or acting out when they’re in the grieving process (24:11) What is Magical Thinking and how it’s connected to a child’s development (29:16) How Magical Thinking works in adults who are grieving (30:24) What is the environment like for children who are adjusting after a loved one has gone (32:01) Family bonding activities...
	15 Aug 2022	163: Should children vote? with Dr. John Wall	00:52:05
Every once in a while a blog post about ‘childism’ makes the rounds on social media, which is described as being a “prejudice against young people” that’s on par with sexism, racism, and homophobia. But the Director of the Childism Institute, Dr. John Wall, argues that that definition implies children are simply victims of whatever adults throw at them - when actually they are active agents who create meaning for themselves. Dr. Wall’s most recent book is called Give Children The Vote - when I picked it up, I have to admit that I rolled my eyes. I was prepared to remain skeptical…and was surprised to find that by the end of the book, the idea of children’s suffrage actually made a whole lot of sense. Changing our minds…changing the world A big part of what happened to me as I researched this episode was that I changed my ideas about two things I’d long assumed to be true: that we need to protect children from adults who look down at them, and that children shouldn’t be able to vote. As you’ll hear in the episode, my daughter was actually part of this process on the voting topic - we talked about whether she thought she should be able to vote, and she demonstrated the major capabilities that Dr. Wall said children need to be able to vote responsibly. So often we get stuck in a rut of imagining that the way we see the world is The Right Way, and if our child doesn’t see it that way then it’s because they aren’t yet mature enough to know how the world really works. But what if we could see that the ways children view the world - in fact, the ways we used to view the world before we were taught that rational arguments supersede all other kinds of knowledge - as something that actually has value? Not only does it have value, but it might create insights into the challenges we face - from the small ones in our daily lives to the really big ones like what we’ll do about climate change and how we’ll address really big social problems. Our children need us to see and value their creativity, because there are so many other places in the world that don’t value it - and that will squash it out of them pretty quickly. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click the banner to learn more! Dr. John Wall's Book Give Children the Vote: On Democratizing Democracy (Affiliate link). Jump to highlights 01:28 Introduction of episode 04:04 Introducing the guest 10:12 Background of childism 14:10 Difference between 3^rd way and 2^nd...
	21 Aug 2022	164: Supporting Neurodivergent Children with Dr. Hanna Bertilsdotter-Rosqvist	00:48:40
Parents have been asking me for episodes on neurodivergence for a while now so I’m hoping this episode will become the start of a mini-series. In this first conversation I talk with Dr. Hanna Bertilsdotter-Rosqvist, co-author of the new book Neurodiveristy Studies: A New Critical Paradigm. We look at this topic through the lens of autism, and I share some information I found to be pretty surprising when, out of curiosity, I took the Autism Spectrum Quotient screening online. We discuss ways that schools, workplaces, and the wider world could better accommodate neurodivergent people, both so neurodivergent people can live the fullest expression of themselves, and also so everyone can benefit from their ideas, experience, and expertise. While this episode uses autism as a lens through which to discuss neurodiversity, the ideas in it can be applied to other types of neurodiversity including Asperger’s syndrome, dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD, synesthesia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette syndrome. I also see neurodiversity as much more broad than the typical way this term is used, which tends to be used to mean “a person with a disorder that makes them not as good as a normal person.” I see us all as neurodiverse, each with our own unique combination of talents and struggles, so we should support children in learning in the way that’s uniquely suited to them. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click the banner to learn more! Dr. Hanna Bertilsdotter-Rosqvist's Book Neurodiversity Studies: A New Critical Paradigm (Routledge Advances in Sociology) (Affiliate link). Jump to highlights 00:44 Introduction of episode 04:16 Communication barriers between neurodivergent people and neurotypical people 06:05 Miscommunication translation with neurodivergent children 15:41 Social model usefulness 16:38 Why autism should be in the DSM 18:58 Difference in non-verbal communication between neurotypical and neurodivergent people 30:13 Should schools give more space for understanding neurodivergent people 32:24 The value that neurodivergent people bring to society 36:18 Parents' role in effectively supporting neurodivergent children 40:15 What should the school system look like if it was supportive of neurodivergent children 42:00 What therapies should we offer and to whom 45:22 What can we do to support neurodivergent people References: Bertilsdotter-Rosqvist, H., Chown, N., and Stenning, A. (2020). Neurodiversity studies: A new critical paradigm. London: Routledge.
	10 Apr 2023	181: Why ‘giving choices’ doesn’t work – and what to do instead	00:29:00
‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world. In the scripts, it usually goes like this: Child: “I want a snack!” Parent: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?” Child: “A banana, please!” And the parent hands over the banana. But when you actually try it in your own home, it usually looks more like this: Your child: “I want a snack!” You: “OK! Would you like an apple or a banana?” Your child: “I want cookies!”WHY IS THAT?! Why does it never ‘work’ the way it’s supposed to? Why doesn’t our child follow the script?There’s a simple and easy reason, and in this episode I break it down - and teach you the effective tool to use instead of giving choices.Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Join the waitlist and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: (00:54)Many parenting coaches recommend giving children choices as a way to get them to cooperate. (02:43)The effectiveness of using choices to our children (05:47)Reasons why giving choices makes us lose the possibility of meeting both of our needs (08:01)How using choices motivates children to do the things they wouldn’t want to do (09:00)Why choices teach children consequences (09:40)Benefits of using true empathy (10:26)Giving choices to negotiate how children will do a chore/task (11:55)The use of rewards to motivate children fails to consider both the child’s and parent’s needs, leading to resentment and missed opportunity for making real choices (13:28)Giving choices as a win-win situation (14:05)The choices parents give often do not meet the child’s needs (17:08)Distinguishing between needs and strategies(19:01)The importance of meeting both our and our children’s needs (20:34)Ben shares his struggles before joining the Setting Limits workshop (22:55)Ben shares how effective the tools he learned in the Setting Limits workshop (26:29)Deon shares her experience after joining the Setting Limits workshop (27:01) An open invitation to join the Setting Loving (&Effective!) Limits workshop Other episodes referenced in this episode 086: Playing to Win:...
	05 Jul 2020	115: Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children	00:52:13
We're almost (but not quite!) at the end of our lengthy series on the intersection of money and parenting. Most recently, we talked with Dr. Allison Pugh to try to understand the answer to the question "Given that advertising is happening, how do parents and children respond?" In this episode we take a step back by asking "what about that advertising?" with Dr. Esther Rozendaal of Radboud University in the Netherlands whose research focuses on children's understanding of advertising messages. Can children understand that advertising is different from regular TV programming? At what age do they realize an advertisement is an attempt to sell them something? And what should parents do to reduce the impact of advertising on children? It's all here in this episode. Other episodes in this series This episode is the first in a series on the intersection of parenting and money. You can find other episodes in this series: 038: The Opposite of Spoiled 105: How to pass on mental wealth to your child 107: The impact of consumerism on children 112: How to Set up a Play Room 118: Are You Raising Materialistic Kids? [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released, and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind 7 Fewer Things to Worry About, subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today's episode is a continuation of a series that I'm doing on the intersection of childhood and money. We started by talking with New York Times money columnist Ron Lieber, on his book The Opposite of Spoiled and then continue the conversation with Dr. Brad Klontz about the money scripts that we pass on to our children. Next, we heard from Dr. Allison Pugh who studies the way that parents and children manage in our consumerist culture. Dr. Pugh is a sociologist who is more interested in how people interact with each other than the ways their brains work. And she also takes advertising as a given and says, since advertising and commercialization is happening, how do parents and children respond? But of course, there's another side to the story. And that's the perspective that yes, advertising is happening and what does this mean for our children? How do our children perceive advertisements? Can they understand when a company is trying to sell them something and can we teach them to be more aware about this or is it a lost cause? Our guest today is Dr. Esther Rozendaal. She's an associate professor At the behavioral Science Institute, as well as an associate professor in communication science at Radford University in the Netherlands. Dr. Rozendaal is an expert on young people's media and consumer behavior and Her research focuses in large part on children and...
	15 Jul 2024	216: Am I in Perimenopause? with Dr. Louise Newson	01:02:18
How do I know if I'm perimenopausal? A few months ago a member in the Parenting Membership shared a whole bunch of symptoms she'd had, from fatigue to rage to dry eyes. She'd been on a four year journey to figure out what was going on before finding out that she was in perimenopause, and wanted to save other members from the same experience she'd had. That sparked a huge discussion in the community, with other members wondering whether the symptoms they were experiencing were also related to menopause - and whether this was going to be yet another thing they were going to have to educate their doctors about to get appropriate treatment. In this episode we answer questions about: What roles do hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone play in our bodies? What is menopause, and what is perimenopause? What are some of the most common symptoms of perimenopause? (Hint - it isn't hot flashes) What are the benefits of Hormone Replacement Therapy, and who should consider it? Is HRT dangerous? What impacts does culture have on the experience of menopause? In our next episode on this topic we'll look at a non-medical, holistic approach to menopause. Dr. Newson’s books Preparing for the perimenopause and menopause Menopause: All you need to know in one concise manual The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause Jump to Highlights 01:26 Introducing the topic and featured guest for this episode 03:48 Hormones play a crucial role in menstruation. 08:28 Dr. Newson explores the definitions and challenges of menopause and perimenopause, emphasizing the wide-ranging symptoms and long-term health implications associated with hormonal changes. 12:10 Dr. Newson discusses recognizing perimenopause symptoms amid busy lifestyles and the importance of early awareness, regardless of age variability in menopausal onset. 16:05 Dr. Newson explains how hormonal birth control can obscure natural hormone patterns, potentially leading to misunderstood symptoms like mood changes and reduced energy. 18:26 Women face challenges in receiving timely diagnosis and treatment for perimenopause and menopause symptoms, underscoring disparities in healthcare and the importance of seeking medical help despite societal barriers. 22:46 Hot flashes, often associated with menopause, are not the most prevalent or severe symptom. They result from brain disruptions and vary widely among individuals, with many experiencing cognitive and psychological symptoms instead. 27:28 Perimenopause and menopause often bring cognitive symptoms like memory lapses, tied to hormonal shifts that impact brain function, yet frequently disregarded in medical care and treatment. 33:41 Hormone replacement therapy has been found to be effective in managing menopausal symptoms and offering potential long-term health benefits, despite past concerns about risks associated with older synthetic hormone studies. 44:47 Hormone replacement therapy, especially with natural hormones,
	27 Jan 2020	104: How to help a child to overcome anxiety	00:52:38
Listeners have been asking me for an episode on supporting anxious children for a loooooong time, but I was really struggling to find anyone who didn't take a behaviorist-based approach (where behaviors are reinforced using the parent's attention (or stickers) or the withdrawal of the parent's attention or other 'privileges.'). Long-time listeners will see that these approaches don't really fit with how we usually view behavior on the show, which is an expression of a need - if you just focus on extinguishing 'undesirable' behavior, you haven't really done anything about the child's need and - even worse - you've sent a message to the child that they can't express their true feelings and needs to you. Listener Jamie sent me a link a book called Beyond Behaviors written by today's guest, Dr. Mona Delahooke, and I immediately knew that Dr. Delahooke was the right person to guide us through this. Listener Jamie comes onto the show for the first time as well to co-interview Dr. Delahooke so we can really deeply understand our children's feelings and support them in meeting their true needs - and overcome their anxiety as well. Dr. Mona Delahooke's Books Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges Beyond Behaviors Flip Chart: A Psychoeducational Tool to Help Therapists & Teachers Understand and Support Children with Behavioral Changes (Affiliate links). [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen: 01:28 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today, we're talking about a topic that parents have been asking me about for ages and that is how to support children who are experiencing anxiety. Now, it's not super hard to find research on anxiety and on treatments for anxiety, but the hard part is finding someone who doesn't just see anxiety as an unwanted behavior that we need to extinguish using reinforcements and who actually sees anxiety as a potential cause for behaviors like having a bad attitude or lacking impulse control that we might typically think of as bad behavior rather than being caused by anxiety. So, we have a special guest today who's going to help us move beyond this view of anxiety and that's Dr. Mona Delahooke. Dr. Delahooke is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than 30 years of experience caring for children in their families. She's a member of the American Psychological Association and holds the highest level of endorsement in the field of infant and toddler mental health in California, as a Reflective Practice Mentor. She has dedicated her career to promoting compassionate relationship-based neurodevelopmental interventions for children with developmental, behavioral, emotional and learning difficulties and has written a book called Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges. Welcome Dr. Delahooke. Dr. Delahooke: 02:43 Thank you so much. I'm so...
	18 Jul 2022	161: New masculinites for older boys with Dr. Michael Kehler & Caroline Brunet	00:46:57
We've covered a number of episodes in the past that feed into this one, including Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys with Dr. Judy Chu (which focused on boys' understanding of masculinity in the preschool years), and Playing to Win with Dr. Hilary Levy Friedman (which looked at the lessons children learn from sports...which aren't really related to the sports themselves...). And of course there are the two episodes on patriarchy; the interview with Dr. Carol Gilligan, as well as my conversation with listener Brian Stout about what we learned during the interview. A few weeks ago listener Caroline and I interviewed Dr. Marnina Gonick on the topic of girls' relationships, which stemmed from the question 'why are middle/high school-aged girls so mean to each other?' but became much broader in scope as we looked at the cultural factors shaping girls' relationships. At the end of that conversation I asked Dr. Gonick if she knew anyone who was doing work similar to hers but looking at boys' relationships, and she did! In today's conversation Caroline returns to co-interview Dr. Michael Kehler, who is Research Professor in Masculinities Studies at the Weklund School of Education at the University of Calgary. We discuss how masculinity isn't something that boys are; it's something they do, how the traditional interpretation of masculinity hurts our boys and girls, and what parents can do to support boys in engaging in alternative masculinities that allow them to feel more whole as people. Dr. Michael Kehler's book Boys’ Bodies: Speaking the Unspoken - Affiliate link Jump to highlights (03:31) What does it mean to be a boy (05:17) There is a type of masculinity that is perceived to be the most masculine (06:21) The problem with the phrase “Boys will be boys” (08:24) Understanding Masculine and Feminine binary (10:09) How much influence do gender stereotypes or gender norms around masculinity have on boys' relationships, particularly at school? (16:27) How mental and physical affection have shown up in boys' and men's relationships (21:37) Why do boys and men feel pressure to conform to traditional masculine norms? (23:38) Ways that girls regulated men's roles in society (27:49) How can gender diversity be supported (30:25) Boys seem to need action-based learning, rather than docile literacy-based tasks (33:54) The importance of disrupting thinking in supporting boys in their resistance to the norms of masculinity (40:07) Do boys desire close male-to-male friendships? (42:29) Power of discomfort as a learning opportunity References: Anderson, E., Adams, A., & Rivers, I. (2012). “I kiss them because I love them”: The emergence of heterosexual men kissing in British institutes of education. Archives of Sexual Behavior 41(2), 421-430. Anderson, E. (2008). “I used to think women were weak”: Orthodox masculinity, gender segregation, and sport. Sociological Forum 23(2), 257-280. Burns, J., & Kehler, M. (2014). Boys, bodies, and negotiated school...
	28 Aug 2023	190: How to use the tools in Parenting Beyond Power	00:58:25
One of the questions I'm asked most often about Parenting Beyond Power (preorder bonuses are available for just a few more days!) is: So when a group of listeners volunteered to get together to discuss what they got out of the book, that was the first thing I wanted to ask them. The core premise of the book is that the social forces of White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism have really hurt us - they're the biggest reason why we feel so much pain and shame. And we will pass on those hurts to our own children unless we do something different - and most of the book is about what we actually do differently to make parenting easier today, and work toward creating a world where everyone belongs. Eliza began: Kat added: Elizabeth concluded: We talked about the needs cupcake, and how we can use that to understand the needs that both we and our children are trying to meet on a regular basis. Eliza found that she's able to be more regulated by managing the level of sound around her - which she hadn't realized was a 'cherry' need for her until now! Eliza coached Elizabeth through a struggle she's having with her daughter not wanting to go to bed, and Kat talked through a beautiful story of how she's supporting her children, who have been fighting with each other a LOT. Now they fight a lot less, because their needs are met more often. We're lucky that we heard Kat share that story before her phone battery died! Parenting Beyond Power The wait is over! I'm thrilled to announce that Parenting Beyond Power is now available for you to explore. Discover practical insights and fresh perspectives that can make a positive difference in your parenting journey. Click the banner to get Parenting Beyond Power today: Jump to Highlights 00:43 Introduction to the podcast 02:04 Guests introduce themselves 05:00 Longtime participants discuss how the book differs from the podcast and other resources, emphasizing its unique value. 08:05 Participants share their the tools they learned from the book and any resulting parenting changes. 08:48 Elizabeth applies book tools like problem-solving conversations and the needs cupcake diagram, but grapples with addressing her daughter's need for community during bedtime routines. 11:46 Elisa and Elizabeth discuss adapting bedtime routines to balance tasks and the daughter's need for connection. 16:13 Jen offers suggestions for Elizabeth on meeting her child’s needs while setting her boundaries. 19:26 Kat shares her struggle with boundary-setting due to being a people-pleaser, aiming to create a boundary-respecting environment for her children. 21:17 Elisa finds the "needs cupcake" concept valuable in recognizing and addressing recurring needs for herself and her children. 27:14 Kat applies...
	23 Feb 2020	106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting (Part 1)	01:04:23
"Wait, whaaaat?" (I can hear you thinking this now, as you're reading the title for this episode.) When I think of patriarchy, I usually think of a powerful guy in a suit. He's always White. He probably works in government or maybe high up in a corporation. He's part of The System, which is just The Way Things Are Done - and he's never going to listen to me. There's really not much I can do to impact this system. And patriarchy isn't good for any of us. It's not difficult to see how it represses women and any non-straight, White, hetero-presenting male. But the research base is also pretty clear that it harms men as well, by denying them the opportunity to express any emotion other than anger, which is linked to all kinds of both mental and physical health problems. But it turns out that a big part of perpetuating the patriarchal system is how women interact with men, as well as how we raise our children. And, suddenly, changing the patriarchal system becomes something that I can directly impact - and so can you. Listener Brian Stout and I interview the preeminent scholar in this field, Dr. Carol Gilligan, who is co-author (with Naomi Snider) of the book Why does patriarchy persist? In this episode we focus on the background information we need to understand what patriarchy is and how it impacts us, and in a future episode Brian and I return to discuss the implications of these ideas for the way we are raising our children. If you'd like to subscribe to Brian's newsletter, where he discusses issues related to Building a World of Belonging, you can do that here. Dr. Carol Gilligan's Books: Why Does Patriarchy Persist? In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development Darkness Now Visible: Patriarchy's Resurgence and Feminist Resistance The Birth of Pleasure: A New Map of Love [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen: 00:01:26 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. It's hard to know even where to begin on today's topic, which is patriarchy. Now, before you think to yourself, come on, Jen, aren't you overstepping your bounds a little bit here or maybe even am I listening to the right podcast? If you're seeing this topic as a bit of a non-sequitur with the kinds of issues that we normally discuss on the show related to parenting and child development, then I'd really encourage you to sit tight because this topic has everything to do with those things. I'm so honored that today we have an incredibly special guest to help us understand more about this topic and that's Dr. Carol Gilligan. I'm pretty sure there's a group of my listeners for whom Dr. Gilligan needs no introduction because they probably read and loved her work when they were in college, but for the rest of us, Dr. Gilligan received her Bachelor's Degree in English Literature from Swarthmore College, a Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Radcliffe College and a Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Harvard University. Her 1982 book...
	06 Feb 2022	148: Is spanking a child really so bad?	00:49:14
"I was spanked and I turned out fine." How many times have you heard this defense of spanking children? But what does the research tell us about spanking effectiveness, child discipline, and long-term consequences? My guest, Professor Andrew Grogan-Kaylor from the University of Michigan, has extensively researched physical punishment and argues that spanking should be classified as an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE)—a marker of severe trauma. When we examine spanking closely, we're discussing hitting another human being, something we'd never accept between adults. As Dr. Grogan-Kaylor points out, parents typically spank when frustrated or angry, making it virtually impossible to administer in a truly "controlled" way. In the episode, we also discuss how, due to the way that a quirk in one researcher’s agenda aligned with changes in ethical rules governing experiments, that there’s actually scientific evidence from randomized controlled trials to support the efficacy of spanking at changing children’s behavior to make it acceptable to their parents! Now the rules have changed and wouldn’t permit spanking during an experiment, it isn’t possible to generate evidence against spanking. So advocates of spanking (and yes, there are some!) can honestly say that there is evidence of the highest quality in favor of spanking, and no evidence of that quality against it. And of course we have to ask ourselves: is compliance what we really want? Our instinctive response to that question might be “Yes! I do want flipping compliance – and I want it now!” But I know many parents listening to the show have a goal to raise children who speak up when they see injustice, and who are internally motivated to do the right thing…and unfortunately focusing on making children’s behavior comply with our wishes works against that. But that doesn’t mean the alternative is letting our child rule the roost. There are ways to get your needs met and also meet your child’s needs, without spanking, threatening to spank, punishing, giving Time Outs, withholding privileges, or any other tools like this. Questions this episode will answer What does research show us about spanking children? Professor Grogan-Kaylor's meta-analysis examined five decades of research covering over 160,000 children. He found consistent evidence that spanking is associated with increased: Aggression Antisocial behavior Mental health problems Cognitive difficulties. The research clearly shows that spanking doesn't improve behavior—it actually makes it worse. Is spanking different from physical abuse? Dr. Grogan-Kaylor's research found that the effects of spanking and physical abuse on children are very similar. This challenges the idea that we can spank children without hurting them in the same way that physical abuse hurts them. Hitting, even when called "discipline," affects a child's developing brain and sense of safety in similar ways to abuse. Should spanking be considered an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE)? Spanking affects a child's stress response system, and impacts their development. The long-term outcomes from spanking are similar to outcomes associated with established Adverse Childhood Experiences. Dr. Grogan-Kaylor makes a compelling case that spanking should join the list of recognized ACEs. What about parents who say "I was spanked and I turned out fine"?...
	06 Jan 2025	232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers	00:53:11
What Dog Trainers Know That You Don’t! Ever felt stuck figuring out how to respond to your child’s challenging behavior? What if the key lies in techniques used by master dog trainers? In this episode, we explore how strategies designed to nurture trust and communication with dogs can revolutionize the way we parent. From co-regulation to building a culture of consent, you’ll learn actionable steps to create a harmonious home environment. What you’ll learn: Read dogs’ non-verbal cues to prevent bites - and how reading your child’s can prevent meltdowns. Never yell at dogs—and what they do to get cooperation instead. Calm anxious dogs—the same technique can reduce your child’s tantrums. Build trust and gain consent with dogs—which can also strengthen your relationship with your child. Stay calm under pressure—their strategies can help you navigate parenting stress as well. This episode ties together the science of behavior with empathy to show that parenting doesn’t have to mean power struggles. By understanding your child’s needs (just like dog trainers learn to understand their dogs), you’ll build a connection that lasts a lifetime. Don’t miss out on this unique perspective on parenting! Love what you’re learning? Support the show and help us keep delivering insightful episodes like this one! 👉 Click here: https://learn.yourparentingmojo.com/donate Why You’re So Angry with Your Child’s Age-Appropriate Behavior - and what to do about it (without stuffing down your feelings and pretending you aren’t angry!) masterclass is here! Are you struggling to understand why your child’s behavior can spark so much frustration in you? You’re not alone—and we’re here to help. Join us for a flipped classroom-style masterclass where you’ll uncover the reasons behind your triggers and learn tools to respond more calmly and intentionally to your child’s age-appropriate behavior. Click the image to sign up now! Ready to test your parenting instincts? Take our free Quiz to see how these strategies could work for you! Click the banner below. Book mentioned in this episode: Affiliate Links The Other End of the Leash by Dr. Patricia McConnell How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend by The Monks of New Skete
	20 Mar 2023	Q&A #2: How do we help children who are ‘falling behind’ without using milestones?	00:32:21
This Q&A episode comes from a special education preschool teacher had listened to the Why We Shouldn’t Read The Your X-Year-Old Child books anymore, and wondered: My first thought was: There’s no way I’m touching that question, because I don’t have the relevant qualifications and I’ll get torn apart.I’ve been in some groups for Autistic parents for several months now, and one thing that’s abundantly clear is that qualified professionals use ‘treatments’ for Autistic children that these now-grown up people describe as abuse (and believe me; I don’t use that word lightly. It’s a direct quote from many different people).So if the qualified professionals are using methods that the people who have experienced them call abusive, I think I have a responsibility to at least offer thoughts for parents to consider as they’re navigating the process of diagnosis and treatment.Too often, parents are pushed to take their child directly from diagnosis to treatment, as if we’re missing some critical window of opportunity. But what if no treatment was sometimes the best option?I don’t consider this episode to be The Final Word on What Parents Should Do. It’s more of a conversation starter…a way to raise some ideas that parents might not hear from the doctors who are pushing them toward treatment as fast as possible. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights 02:20 Parent Jessie’s question about her child 03:13 Listener Teacher’s question about intervention and therapy among children with Autism 05:42 The purpose why Autism support groups exist 06:25 The negative impacts of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy to children with Autism 07:32 The rush to get a child into therapy 08:33 The Medical Model of Therapy 09:27 Therapy and Capitalism 10:01 Consider joining communities for support before getting into therapy 12:09 First point to consider before getting a child into therapy: We are all neurologically different 13:05 Second point to consider before getting a child into therapy: The aim of therapy 16:38 Third point to consider before getting a child into therapy: The benefit of therapy to the child 20:24 The need for a child’s active (verbal/nonverbal) consent to therapy 24:44 The impact of family environment on a child in therapy 26:56 Finding the appropriate therapy for very young children
	04 Jul 2022	160: Wanting What’s Best with Sarah Jaffe	00:45:16
There are lots of books available now on how to talk with children about issues related to race, but Sarah W. Jaffe noticed a gap: there weren't any books geared toward non-academic audiences talking about how the choices that predominantly well-off, predominantly White parents make impact other people. From childcare choices to school to college, at every step of the way we make decisions that reflect Wanting What's Best for our own child, but very often these decisions are rooted in the fear of our child falling behind in some way, and when we try to elevate our own child we often do it at the expense of others. Sarah's book uncovers the ideas that underlie the seemingly innocuous decisions we make so we can ensure that our choices are really aligned with our values. It also provides a great counterpoint to the book that I'm in the process of writing, which will be on the ways we either pass on or disrupt the tools of White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism to our own children through the daily interactions we have with them that don't seem to be about anything related to these topics. Publication date September 2023: stay tuned! Click here to order Sarah W. Jaffe's book Wanting What's Best: Parenting, Privilege, and Building a Just World (affiliate link). Shownotes: (02:37) How our child should engage in the world. (03:57) Learn why our fears affects how we raise our children. (05:58) The importance of racism, patriarchy and capitalism conversation in our child. (07:42) The inadequacies in the system and issues with childcare wages during the 1960s. (10:07) Why is our Social Security System being unfair and unjust to farm laborers and domestic workers. (11:45) How should we deal with the childcare systems as privileged parents. (13:20) The ideal factors in choosing a daycare arrangement between public schools and private ones. (14:19) Is it a good idea to take the funds from one school and give it to the other schools. (17:17) How racial makeup of a school does play a big part in the perception of White parents when choosing a school. (18:57) The good benefits of exposing our kids to a school with a diverse student body. (19:43) The challenges we experienced as parents while working against racism. (23:05) Anti-racist work practices that we can start now. (25:29) The real picture of how colleges and universities consider students seeking financial aid. (31:42) Should we consider it a parenting failure if our child didn't attend college. (33:21) What it means to be a good activist. (35:56) How does social change start in volunteerism. (38:26) Money talks with our child. (40:17) Every...
	07 Jun 2020	SYPM 005: Getting Confident About the Decision to Homeschool	00:45:47
School districts are starting to make plans to reopen - some with sneeze guards between desks; some on reduced schedules to accommodate the amount of space needed for social distancing, while some are going online-only for the Fall semester. How will your child cope with this? Did your child adapt well to online learning when schools closed? Will they find it relatively easy to see their friends but not be close to them? There are some children for whom these arrangements work well, but for others parents see big trouble ahead. What are the options? Even if you've never considered homeschooling as a realistic option in the past, it might now be the tool that gets you through the next few months. But are you terrified that you don't know everything your child needs to know? And how could it possibly work for your family? Join me for a conversation with Dr. Laura Froyen, who is considering homeschooling her two children next semester - even though she has a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies and wrote a dissertation on supporting young children in learning to read, she's nervous that she doesn't know everything she needs to know - so if you're worried about this you're certainly not alone! We look at what we know about how long children actually spend learning in school (the answer is going to shock you!), how you can work AND homeschool, and how you can get confident that you really can support your child's love of learning - even if you know your child will eventually go back to school. Click the banner to learn more about The Confident Homeschooler: [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast where I critically examine strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. In this series of episodes called Sharing Your Parenting Mojo, we turn the tables and hear from listeners. What have they learned from the show that's helped their parenting? Where are they still struggling? And what tools can we find in the research that will help? If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE guide to 7 Parenting Myths We Can Safely Leave Behind, 7 Fewer Things to Worry About subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us Jen Hello, and welcome to Sharing Your Parenting Mojo. We are here with Dr. Laura Froyen today to discuss the topic of homeschooling. She's thinking about whether and how to do it over the next few months. And as we were chatting about it, we figured that some of the things that she's thinking about right now are probably similar to some of the things that other parents are thinking about too. And so we thought, why not just get on a call and discuss them live and share what we're thinking and what we're learning with other people as well. So that's kind of what we're going to do today. So welcome, Laura, do you want to tell us a bit about yourself and your background first? Laura Absolutely. Thanks for having me and agreeing to answer my questions Jen. So so I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and I have my PhD in Human Development and Family Studies with a specialization in...
	26 Aug 2022	165: How grit helps (and how it doesn’t)	00:51:46
At the beginning of our stay at a friend’s house in Oregon six weeks ago, my eight-year-old daughter Carys had biked a flat mile on a mountain biking trail; when we got to a very slight incline she made it 20 feet further and then it all fell apart. She whined; she cried; she refused to go on. Later in the day, after we had both calmed down, we discussed the idea of Doing Hard Things, and we ultimately both agreed that we wanted to improve our mountain biking skills this summer. She has done both a beginner and an intermediate level bike camp since then and her skills have dramatically improved! We did the Trail of Refusal the weekend after the beginner camp and she made it all the way around the loop, and the only complaining was because our riding companions weren’t going fast enough! (I’ve also been riding a lot - selling my old bike for a good price enabled the purchase of a new, much lighter one and I’m now significantly faster than I was. I may need a skills camp myself next time we’re in town…) Professor Angela Duckworth discusses Doing Hard Things in her work on grittiness. A few days ago Listener Jamie, who helped me to prepare to talk with Alfie Kohn several years ago and who co-interviewed Dr. Mona Delahooke with me, sent me an article from The Atlantic that had just popped up in her newsfeed called The Case Against Grit and said “You said the same thing ages ago!”. I was pretty sure I did say that, but I decided to check it out. Looking back at something I wrote four years ago has the potential to be pretty scary - my ideas have evolved a lot since then. Does this episode still ring true? Did I miss major issues? I discuss these ideas in a preview to this re-released episode. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click the banner to learn more! Jump to highlights (03:29) How Grit is intimately connected to White supremacy (04:31) Characteristics of White supremacy in the concept of Grit (05:45) Teaching grittiness seems to be about passing along cultural ideas that we might not agree with (07:55) Raising children with a broad skill set and a self-identified passion are those who have encouraged rather than pushed their children in many interests rather than just one. (11:03) Invitation to join the Supporting Your Child’s Learning Membership and You Are Your Child’s Best Teacher workshop (12:20) Understanding what is Grit scale (15:30) Is grit about perseverance and passion (17:15) What it takes to be Grit (22:01) Using effort to overcome potential deficiencies in talent (25:27) Issues in measuring the Grit scale to students in schools (27:09) How could we give students from poor backgrounds a better advantage in school (28:24) Children experience at least two responses to stress (30:01) Understanding the...
	29 Jan 2021	SYPM 011: Untigering with Iris Chen	00:44:34
In this episode we talk with Iris Chen about her new book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris admits to being a parent who engaged in "yelling, spanking, and threatening with unreasonable consequences" - but far from becoming a well-behaved, obedient child, her son fought back. The harder she punished, the more he resisted. Their home became a battleground of endless power struggles, uncontrollable tantrums, and constant frustration. But Iris didn't know what else to do: she had learned this over-controlling style from her own parents: watching TV without permission, talking back to her father, and having a boyfriend before college were simply out of the question when she was growing up. In her parents' eyes, they had done all the right things: Iris got good grades, graduated from an elite university, and married another successful Chinese-American. But through interacting with her son, Iris realized that all of these achievements had come at a great cost: a cost that her son was trying to show her through his resistance. Eventually Iris saw that her son's behavior wasn't the problem; he was simply reacting to her attempts to control him, and that it was her own approach that needed to change. Now Iris is well along her own Untigering path: basing her relationship with her children on finding win-win solutions to problems, being flexible, and respecting each other's boundaries. As I do too, Iris sees this path as a journey toward creating a society where everyone belongs. If you see yourself in Iris' descriptions of her early days as a parent, and especially if you find yourself routinely overreacting to your child's age-appropriate behavior, I invite you to join my Taming Your Triggers workshop, which will help you to understand the true source of your triggered feelings (hint: it isn't your child's behavior!), feel triggered less often, and respond more effectively to your child on the fewer occasions when it does still happen. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Jump to highlights: (01:34) Children’s dilemma between being seen/heard and being accepted (02:50) The trauma we pass on to our children (04:04) How to tame your triggers (04:59) Confidence in parenting that gives parents a sense of calm (06:39) Iris as a Deconstructing Tiger Parent (08:13) “I thought my responsibility as a parent was to push harder when my child resisted” (09:26) “I saw in my children a freedom to express their resentment in ways that I was never free to” (11:05) The walls that are created between parent and child because children’s authentic selves are not accepted (11:24) Our parents have their own traumas as well (13:18) The...
	29 Nov 2020	SYPM 009: How to Set Boundaries in Parenting	00:53:48
My guest for this episode is life coach and reparenting expert Xavier Dagba, who is here to discuss the topic of boundaries in parenting. We don't tend to learn much about having boundaries when we're young, because our culture teaches that children shouldn't really need or have them (and those of us who are using respectful parenting approaches are working against the tide here). This then translates to us not knowing how to set boundaries as adults, and feeling 'walked all over' - without fully understanding why, or what to do about it. We also talk about the limit between boundaries and limits, an important distinction as we interact with our children. If you need more support in setting limits that your child will respect (and using far fewer of them than you might ever have thought possible - while still having your boundaries respected!), sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Other resources from this episode: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.Xavier's website Follow Xavier on Instagram [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen 00:59 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we're going to talk with a guest about a topic that I've been thinking about a lot lately, which is on setting limits and boundaries. We'll talk about the difference between a limit and a boundary. Because this has really profound implications for our parenting. We tend to think of limits as something that brings more control, and we want to have control. So, we want to have those in place so we can feel like we're on top of this parenting thing. But for some reason, we tend to be really sloppy in our boundaries. We have a hard time accepting that we're even worthy of setting boundaries, never mind holding them. So, we're going to talk through this today with my guest, Xavier Dagba who's a life coach who...
	21 Nov 2021	RE-RELEASE: Why isn’t my child grateful with Dr. Jonathan Tudge	00:46:00
“I spent the whole morning painting and doing origami and felting projects with my daughter – and not only did she not say “thank you,” but she refused to help clean up!” (I actually said this myself this morning:-)) “We took our son to Disneyland and went on every ride he wanted to go on except one, which was closed, and he spent the rest of the trip whining about how the whole trip was ruined because he didn’t get to go on that one ride.” (I hope I never have to say this one…I’m not sure I could make it through Disneyland in one piece.) You might recall that we did an episode a while back on manners, and what the research says about teaching manners, and how what the research says about teaching manners comes from the assumption that manners MUST be explicitly taught – that your child will NOT learn to say “thank you” unless you tell your child “say thank you” every time someone gives them a gift. We also talked about how parent educator Robin Einzig uses the concept of “modeling graciousness” and that if you treat other people graciously, when your child is ready, she will be gracious as well. The problem here, of course, is that most people expect your child to display some kind of manners before they are developmentally ready to really understand the concept behind it. But what really underlies manners? Well, ideas like gratitude. Because when we train children to say “thank you” before they are ready to do it themselves they might learn to recite the words at the appropriate time, but they aren’t really experiencing gratitude. Dr. Jonathan Tudge of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro tells us much more about this, and how we can scaffold our child’s ability to experience gratitude, if we decide we might want to do that. Dr. Tudge’s book, Developing Gratitude in Children and Adolescents (co-edited with Dr. Lia B. L. Freitas) contains lots more academic research on this topic if you’re interested. References Halberstadt, A.G., Langley, H.A., Hussong, A.M., Rothenberg, W.A., Coffman, J.L., Mokrova, I., & Costanzo, P.R. (2016). Parents’ understanding of gratitude in children: A thematic analysis. Early Childhood Research Quarterly 36, 439-451. Kiang, l. Mendonca S., Liang, Y., Payir, A., O’Brien, L.T., Tudge, J.R.H., & Freitas, L.B.L. (2016). If children won lotteries: Materialism, gratitude, and imaginary windfall spending. Young Consumers 17(4), 408-418. Mendonca, S.E., Mercon-Vargas, E.A., Payir, A., & Tudge, J.R.H. (2018). The development of gratitude in seven societies: Cross-cultural highlights. Cross-Cultural Research 52(1), 135-150. Mercon-Vargas, E.A., Poelker, A.E., & Tudge, J.R.H. (2018). The development of the virtue of gratitude: Theoretical foundations and cross-cultural issues. Cross-Cultural Research 52(1), 3-18. Mokrova, I.L., Mercon-Vargas, E.A., & Tudge, J.R.H. (2018). Wishes, gratitude, and spending preferences in Russian Children. Cross-Cultural Research 52(1), 102-116. Nelson, J.A., Freitas, L.B.L., O’Brien, M., Calkins, S.D., Leerkes, E.M., & Marcovich, S. (2013). Preschool-aged children’s understanding of gratitude: Relations with emotion and mental state knowledge. British Journal of Developmental Psychology 31, 42056. Tudge, J.R.H., & Freitas, L.B.L. (Eds.) (2018). Developing gratitude in children and adolescents. Cambridge, U.K: Cambridge University Press. Wang, D., Wang, Y.C., & Tudge, J.R.H. (2015). Expressions of gratitude in children and adolescents: Insights from China and the United States....
	09 Jan 2023	175: I’ll be me; can you be you?	00:52:23
In this most personal episode I've ever created, I'll share with you how my autism self-diagnosis has helped me to understand the experiences I've had in ways that bring a great deal more clarity and insight than I've had up to now. In addition to hearing from me, you'll hear the actual voicemail the therapist who has been helping me left to explain the results of my autism screeners, as well as conversations with friends about things that are hard in our friendships. You'll hear from listeners who find things I do on podcast episodes to be hurtful and judgmental and also relatable and approachable, and sometimes it's the same things I do that prompts both the 'positive' and 'negative' reactions. And you'll hear from a listener in my membership community who has been on a similar journey to understand how her ADHD diagnosis wasn't really about her as much as it was about her reactions to the ways her family interacted with her - they encouraged creativity and expression in her artwork, but never never never ever related to emotional expression. My goal with this episode is to help you draw together threads in your own life in a way that maybe you haven't been able to do until now so you can understand yourself better, and make requests to help you meet your needs, and maybe change the situations you're in so you can be in them with more ease and authenticity. And I also hope it helps you to see how your child's struggles are a reflection of their needs, and of whether those needs are being met. Just as you didn't need fixing when you were a child (and neither did I, despite all the people who tried to fix me), your child doesn't need fixing either. Instead, we can use the struggles to better understand our needs and our child's needs, and work toward meeting them both. To investigate screeners that Dr. A. has available for free on her website, visit https://spectrumservicesnyc.com/resources/ Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, Taming Your Triggers will be open for enrollment soon. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Jump to highlights (02:52) My book is coming out on August 2023 (03:29) The ‘emotional intimacy’ between content creators and audiences (05:50) I looked at my racial privilege through a series of podcast episodes (06:09) I’ve also been exploring my recent autism self-diagnosis through the podcast (06:57)...
	16 Jul 2020	116: Turn Work-Family Conflict Into Work-Family Balance	00:52:31
Work-family conflict can seem unavoidable - especially in the era of COVID when we're either working from home with children underfoot all day, or we're an essential worker who has to leave the house and can't find childcare. In this conversation with licensed psychologist Dr. Yael Schonbrun, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Brown University, and co-host of the Psychologists Off The Clock podcast, we acknowledge that we must enact policies that provide more of a safety net for families. But even in the absence of these policies, we can make choices that allow us to live in greater alignment with our values, and also find a sense of peace. If you enjoyed episode 113 on Dr. Chris Niebauer's book No Self, No Problem, then you'll find that the tools we discuss in this episode flow directly from that one. Here's a link to the Choice Point tool that we discuss Here are some Psychologists Off The Clock episodes that discuss Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in greater depth: https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/acceptance-commitment-therapy https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/the-heart-of-act https://www.offtheclockpsych.com/podcast/take-committed-action [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I am Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast where I critically examine strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. In this series of episodes called Sharing Your Parenting Mojo, we turn the tables and hear from listeners. What have they learned from the show that is helped their parenting? Where are they still struggling? And what tools can we find in the research that will help? If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide To 7 Parenting Myths We Can Safely Leave Behind 7 Fewer Things To Worry About, subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you will join us. Jen 00:59 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Regular listeners might remember that a few months ago we talked with listener Kelly and Dr. Moira Mikolajczak on the topic of parental burnout. And we discussed how parental burnout is a constellation of symptoms that can include mental and physical exhaustion and emotional distancing from children, loss of feelings of being effective as a parent. And it can lead to an assortment of risks for both the parent and the child including shame and loneliness and the risk of neglect of the child or violence towards the child. And the feeling that the situation can only be escaped through divorce or abandonment or suicide. And we talked about how one of the big causes of parental burnout is the unrealistic expectations that we put on mothers to somehow sacrifice everything for their child, and also lead a fulfilling life for themselves. In the show notes, I gave a link to an assessment the Dr. Mikolajczak and her colleagues developed to help you figure out whether you might have burnout because it might not be as obvious as you think. And after the interview, I emailed with her and we discussed how powerful self-compassion can be as a tool to deal with burnout. More recently, I was listening to a podcast that
	01 Apr 2024	207: How to not be a permissive parent	01:09:38
Sometimes when listeners write to me, fun things happen! 🤪 Listener Diana replied to a recent email because she had listened to quite a lot of my episodes (although more of the earlier ones than the recent ones) and she was generally on board with my approach. But she was having a hard time! Despite doing a lot of things for her children, and trying to remain calm and 'unruffled' and show that she loves them unconditionally, but as pretty often when she asked them to do something they sometimes scream at her for offering to help, they attempt to boss her around, and they're inflexible and rude. So what's going on here? Have we (finally) met children for whom my approach simply does not work? Of course, as soon as I received Diana's email I wanted to talk with her. She gamely agreed to come on the podcast, although she did want to protect her privacy so there's no video for this episode. We talked through the kinds of situations she often finds herself in, and some of the reasons why her daughter, in particular, might be acting this way. It turned out that in her indecision, Diana was drifting into permissive parenting, which meant that her children didn't know her needs - because Diana didn't know her own needs. We identified quite a few practical things she could try to consider both her own and her children's needs, and there's also a message in the episode that Diana sent me a week after we talked, sharing how things were going. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up now for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Join the waitlist and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Other episode mentioned Q&A#5: What really matters in parenting? Part 1Jump to Highlights 00:48 Introducing today’s guest and topic 08:58 Diana reflects on challenges with implementing a respectful parenting philosophy and navigating differences with her high-sensitivity, high-intensity child. 13:14 Diana shares parenting struggles, negotiating with her kids, and feeling disrespected in their interactions. 26:51 Diana reflects on supporting her daughter during dysregulated moments, while Jen illustrates the importance of context in understanding behavior. 31:12 They address Diana's daughter's need for predictability and resistance to sudden changes. 46:58 The dialogue emphasizes the importance of understanding and articulating individual...
	06 Jun 2021	138: Most of what you know about attachment is probably wrong	01:06:04
New parents often worry about attachment to their baby - will I be able to build it? My baby cries a lot - does that mean that we aren't attached? If I put my baby in daycare, will they get attached to the daycare staff rather than to me? Based on the ideas about attachment that have been circulated over the years, these are entirely valid concerns. But it turns out that not only should we not worry about these things, but the the research that these ideas were based in was highly flawed. It's often forgotten that attachment theory was developed in the period after World War II, when policymakers were trying to get women out of the jobs they had held during the war, and back into their 'natural' place in the home. In one of his earliest papers Dr. John Bowlby - the so-called Father of Attachment Theory - described 44 children who had been referred to his clinic for stealing, and compared these with children who had not stolen anything. He reported that the thieves had been separated from their parents during childhood, which led them to have a low sense of self-worth and capacity for empathy. He went on to say that “to deprive a small child of his mother’s companionship is as bad as depriving him of vitamins.” But much later in his life, Bowlby revealed that he had conflated a whole lot of kinds of separation into that one category – everything between sleeping in a different room to being abandoned in an orphanage. And in addition to being separated, many of the thieves had also experienced physical or sexual abuse. The fear that spending time apart from your baby will damage them in some way is just not supported by the evidence. What other common beliefs do we hold about attachment relationships that aren't supported by evidence? Well, quite a lot, as it turns out! Listen in for more. Check this episode for more attachment research: What it is, what it’s not, how to do it, and how to stop stressing about it Link to the book mentioned: Cornerstones of Attachment Research (Affiliate link). Jump to highlights: (03:30) Download the free Right From The Start Roadmap (06:11) Dr. John Bowlby, who is known as the founder of attachment theory (06:40) A brief overview of attachment theory (08:06) What is attachment theory (09:44) A closer look at the word attachment (12:55) Five aspects out of Freud's psychoanalytic theory (14:32) 44 Juvenile Thieves - One of the major ideas about separation from parents (17:50) What is the word monotrophy (18:49) The four dimensions that distinguish African-American views of motherhood from American views by Dr. Patricia Hill Collins (20:49) Aka Pygmy tribe in Africa (21:37) What is PIC or Parental Investment in the child Questionnaire by Dr. Robert Bradley (24:19) The Strange Situation Procedure developed by Dr. Mary Ainsworth (30:30) White middle class mothers in Baltimore stand for what attachment should look like in families of all types around the world (33:36) Two main cross cultural studies (40:13) The cognitive thinking component of the attachment relationship (47:29) What is Outcomes (01:01:25) Summary [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:03 Hi, I’m Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest...
	31 Jul 2023	Q&A 4: Is it safe to delay math learning?	00:27:24
In this episode we hear from listener Lindsay who wonders whether it's safe to delay math learning, since (they've heard) there's a 'critical window' for learning language. Would delaying math learning mean that our child can't catch up later? Will they develop a negative view of their own learning? What if they can't get into college? We address all of these questions and more. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. Enrollment will open again soon. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Jump to Highlights 01:10 Listener Lindsay asks the question, “How safe is it to neglect math education until your child shows some kind of interest in wanting to do it?” 01:48 Jen gives her academic history in math and admits to applying problem-solving strategies without full comprehension. 07:44 The critical period for learning seen in animal research also applies to children with severe language deprivation during early months. 08:51 The critical period for language development and second language acquisition is questioned in relation to math learning. 12:58 Sudbury School's anecdotal evidence suggests children can learn math quickly when motivated, sparking questions about early teaching, fostering a love of learning, and the impact on future opportunities. 15:54 Emphasizing intrinsic motivation over forced comparisons in math fosters self-awareness, more vital for a fulfilling life than specific skills. 19:31 Cognitively Guided Instruction values children's math knowledge, encourages pattern exploration, and validates individual methods, fostering a deeper understanding of math concepts. 22:09 Fostering children's intuitive understanding of math through collaborative learning and self-developed algorithms is a powerful approach. 24:01 Don't worry about formal math instruction; children will naturally develop their own strategies and algorithms when provided with a supportive learning environment. References Singleton, D., & Lesniewska, J. (2021). The critical period hypothesis for L2 acquisition: An unfalsifiable embarrassment? Languages 6(3), 149.
	24 Apr 2023	182: How to get frustrating behavior to stop	00:39:49
All of our children go through phases when they do things we wish they wouldn’t do. Sometimes those things are relatively harmless but are pretty annoying, because they take extra time for us to clean up - things like eating (and making crumbs) in areas where we don’t want them to eat, shaving up a bar of soap, or piling up all the toys and refusing to help clean them up. Other times it’s not so harmless. They might hit us. Or hit a (smaller) sibling, for what seems like no reason. We want to get that behavior to stop…but how?In this episode we’ll meet a parent who’s struggling with the annoying behaviors…and we’ll hear directly from two parents who have found ways to navigate resistance and hitting, and these are no longer the problem they once were. There is hope. We don’t have to keep walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion, or worried about what our child is doing as soon as our back is turned. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: (00:50) Introduction for today’s episode (01:33) A member of Jen's community is seeking advice on how to manage her child’s frustrating behavior (04:23) How Jen resolved her issues with her husband's frustrating behavior during the COVID lockdown (06:16) The importance of understanding children's behavior and finding ways to meet their needs in a way that works for both the child and the parent (07:36) One of the reasons why children engage in activities that they know are forbidden: Lack of Impulse control (09:20) The importance of recognizing that our children are still learning how to regulate their emotions and impulses (11:17) How setting fewer limits can create a more positive and respectful relationship between parent and child (12:46) Parent Peju shares how she sets limits on her child (14:46) Understanding the underlying issues of a child's behavior is critical for effective parenting (15:54) The importance of recognizing the need for autonomy in children (17:50) Parent Fiona shares her struggles and how the community and the membership helped her resolve her problems (26:44) Parent Fiona’s non-cognitive shift as a result of seeing the issue from her son's perspective (28:19) Parent Stephanie, expresses how her connection with the ACTion group has been incredibly fulfilling for her. (30:01) The importance of curiosity when we feel...
	06 Nov 2020	124: The Art of Holding Space	00:53:51
If you’ve been a parent for a while, or maybe even if you haven’t, you probably saw an article on Holding Space making the rounds of online communities a few years ago. In the article the author, Heather Plett, describes how she and her siblings were able to hold space for their dying mother in her final days because a palliative care nurse held space for them. The article outlined some principles of holding space, and I think it really resonated with a lot of people – possibly because so many of us wish we had been held in that way, and we find ourselves trying to hold space for others in that way without a lot of guidance or support. I kept that article in the back of my mind, and last year I took Heather’s 9-month in-depth course on holding space, and she’s just released a book called The art of holding space: A practice of love, liberation, and leadership. In this episode we discuss what it means to hold space for others as parents, and how to raise our children to be able to hold space for others. Links mentioned in the episode The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership (Affiliate link). The Centre for Holding Space Website [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen 00:59 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. If you've been a parent for a while, or maybe even if you haven't, you probably saw an article on holding space making the rounds of online communities a few years ago. In the article the author Heather Plett describes the death of her mother and how she and her siblings were able to hold space for her mother, because a palliative care nurse was holding space for them. The article outlines some principles of holding space. And I think it really resonated with a lot of people possibly because so many of us wish that we had been held in the way that in that way. And we find ourselves trying to hold space for others in that way without a lot of guidance and support. Jen 01:38 And so, I kept that article in the back of my mind. And then last year, I took Heather's nine-month in depth course on holding space. And she's just released a book called The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation and Leadership that she's here with us to discuss today. Welcome, Heather. Heather 01:52 Thank you, Jen. It's good to be here. Jen 01:55 And we should mention we were just chatting beforehand. Heather was mentioning her voice is a little raspy today because she's in the middle of recording the book for the audio edition. So that should hopefully be available very soon. And I also just want to mention before we get started that we may mentioned today, some topics that might be difficult for some
	17 Mar 2025	240: How to prepare your kids for the real world	01:03:16
In this episode, we explore how to prepare children for the real world without sacrificing their authentic selves. Drawing on research about food habits, screen time, social expectations, and discipline approaches, this discussion offers balanced strategies that prioritize connection over control. You'll learn how to guide children through external pressures while helping them develop critical thinking skills and maintaining their inherent wisdom. Questions this episode will answer How can I help my child navigate a world of hyper-palatable foods without creating unhealthy food relationships? What's the evidence about screen time and video games, and how can I approach them constructively? How do social systems pressure children to conform to limiting gender roles and expectations? Is traditional discipline truly preparing children for the "real world," or is there a better approach? How can I honor my child's authentic self while still giving them tools to succeed? What you'll learn in this episode The truth about BMI measurements and research on body size that contradicts common assumptions How the Division of Responsibility model can transform mealtime struggles Why video games don't increase violence and may offer surprising benefits Practical ways to help children develop critical thinking about media messages How to identify the unmet needs behind challenging behavior The concept of "traumatic invalidation" and its impact on children's development Step-by-step approaches to build children's self-regulation around screen time How to create meaningful conversations about problematic messages in children's books Ways to validate children while preparing them for life's challenges This episode offers a thoughtful examination of the tensions between societal pressures and children's innate wisdom, providing practical guidance for parents navigating these complex territories. Rather than offering quick fixes, we focus on building connection as the foundation for helping children develop resilience and discernment. Other episodes mentioned 007: Help! My toddler won’t eat vegetables 140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon 142: Division of Responsibility with Ellyn Satter 218: What children learn from video games 106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting (Part 1) ...
	21 Oct 2024	227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2	00:47:46
Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett In our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like: How our 'body budgets' affect our feelings How we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes sense That we don't always understand other people's feelings very well! The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half. Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including: What we can do with the information our feelings give us How long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move on Some tools we can use to re-regulate in difficult moments with our kids Taming Your Triggers Workshop Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment, the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift. Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's Books (Affiliate Links) How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain Other episodes mentioned 129: The physical reasons you yell at your kids Jump to Highlights 00:59				31 Oct 2021	[Looking back and looking ahead]	00:17:49
In this short episode I reflect on where we’ve been over the past year, my plans to slow down a bit at the end of the year (as well as a super exciting project I’m working on!), and what episodes we have lined up for the new year. In this episode I also mention something I haven’t done for a while, which is that it’s possible to donate to support the show. You might know that it takes 20-40 hours to do the research for each episode (although my record is about 80 hours for the show on Self-Reg, because the research was in such a mess and I had to check what I was reading with several developmental psychologists who tempered the claims of the person who created the concept of Self-Reg!). A core group of listeners (shout out to: Jacqueline B., Rebekah S., Elizabeth M., Kelsey B., Jessica S., Crystian M., Megan P., Alison O., and Cristin B.) have helped to sustain the show over the last months and years. If the show has helped you, would you consider making a donation to support it? You can now do this from any episode page. If a particular episode has given you an insight or a tool that resonated with you and/or your child, I’d be really grateful if you would make a one-time donation to acknowledge that, or consider a recurring donation to help me keep making more episodes for you. I know there’s always the temptation to say that “eh; I don’t have time right now and it probably doesn’t make that much of a difference and someone else will do it anyway.” And maybe they will, but as we all know, if everyone thinks like that then the work doesn’t get supported…. I mention in the episode that I’m writing a book! And the e-book will be available for a sliding scale price on this website, to help everyone who wants to read it be able to read it, no matter what their financial constraints. I also now make every course and membership I offer over a $100 threshold available with sliding scale pricing, and invite folks who can’t afford even the minimum price to get in touch to figure out a price that works for both of us. I’m doing everything I can to live my values to make my work available to as many people as possible. If this resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you would consider donating to support me in continuing to do this work. You can now donate from any episode page (including this week’s episode!). Just look for the Support Jen’s Work button on the right side. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a free guide called 13 reasons why your child won't listen to you and what to do about each one, just head over to yourparentingmojo.com/subscribe. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen Lumanlan 00:56 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. I just have a short episode lined up for you today with a few updates about the podcast and the Your Parenting Mojo world more broadly, we're coming to the end of what has been a pretty amazing year. I finally feel as though we have a really complete set of memberships and courses to help parents at all stages of their parenting journey. I run the Right From The...
	08 May 2023	184: How to get on the same page as your co-parent	01:01:35
Do you sometimes wish your co-parent would join you on the respectful parenting journey you’re on? Would things be easier if you were on the same page? Does it seem like you try to convince them using all the research you’ve done respectful parenting…only to have them throw up the “I don’t think we have to make a big deal out of this” card? Sarah and Declan had this dynamic in their relationship too. Knowing each other well isn’t always enough They met when they were 10 and have been together for 15 years, so they know each other pretty well. They had even talked about their values before they got married, and found alignment on many of them. But Declan is a psychologist working with children and families, so he got the Big Veto. (It turns out that psychology training focuses on evidence-based strategies to change behavior…which isn’t that hard to do with rewards and punishments. I think a lot of psychologists show up in my programs because they realize that “evidence-based” doesn’t necessarily mean “good for us” or “aligned with my values”). Sarah was struggling with the transition from two to three children, along with Declan’s full-time work, her own part-time work, and a major home renovation - they haven’t had a functional kitchen in two years.Sarah knew she needed more support…but Declan wasn’t sure. Until he realized that when you’re on a team, you don’t tell an injured player to suck it up. You can’t tell the parent who is struggling to figure it out by themselves. We all have a role to play in a family that meets everyone’s needs. A way to repair ruptures that meets both of their needs This was most apparent when Sarah would say something critical, causing a temporary rupture…and then would desperately try to repair, wanting to talk it out then and there so she could reestablish connection with him, in a reenactment of her anxious attachment relationship with her mother. Declan didn’t find that connecting at all…he saw that she was trying to make herself feel better, not to reconnect with him, and he would retreat - the exact opposite of what she was looking for from him. On a group coaching call a few months ago we worked through an example of this dynamic - and found a way to help them reestablish connection that worked for both of them that has made a profound difference in their ability to navigate conflict. They discuss how it has worked for them in this new episode. Parenting Membership This isn't a course that you take once and forget, and things go back to the way they always were.Whenever you get off-track, or when a new challenge pops up, we're here to support and guide you for as long as you're a member. The membership information page has all the details on what you’ll get when you join - monthly modules of content, the not-on-Facebook community, monthly group coaching calls, weekly ACTion groups with five other members and a peer coach, occasional 1:1 coaching sessions with Jen. Join the waitlist to get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the banner below to learn more. Jump to highlights 01:20 Introduction of this episode’s guests 01:44 Basic information about Sarah and Declan’s family 02:27 Sarah’s childhood experiences and the intergenerational trauma that affected her family 07:25 Declan’s family dynamic which was not emotionally open or supportive 09:20 Declan talks about his experiences with his authoritarian father 10:30 What it was like being together for a long time and then becoming parents 11:21 What Sarah and Declan consider as the most important values they had as a family, as well as the effective parenting strategy that worked during their early years of parenthood
	13 May 2024	213: How to stop using power over your child (and still get things done)	01:02:07
Ditch Punishments and Rewards for Respectful Parenting Do you hate punishing (with Time Outs, withdrawing privileges, or even yelling at) your child? Do you feel guilty after you punish them, wishing there was a way to just get them to listen? And do bribes ("If you brush your teeth now, you can have 5 minutes of screen time...") feel just as awful? But what other choice do you have? Your kids don't listen now, so how could not rewarding and punishing them possibly help? That's what parent Dr. Houri Parsi thought when I first met her. (Houri's doctorate is in clinical psychology, focused on behaviorist-based reward and punishment systems.) She wasn't ready to believe that abandoning the tools she'd been trained in would create a better outcome, when she measured her success as a parent by whether she got immediate compliance from her children. She ended up not completely abandoning these tools - because they still fit within her vision and values for her family (her vision is a bit different from mine, which is OK! The important thing is that she is living in alignment with her values!). But Houri's relationship with her children is profoundly different today than it was a couple of years ago. Her children have deep insight into their feelings and needs, and most of the time they're able to find ways to meet all of their needs. She no longer uses her power over them to get their immediate compliance - and that doesn't mean she gets walked all over either. Houri sees that this approach has built a deep reservoir of trust in their relationship - but occasionally a parent will slip, and will force the children to do something they aren't ready for. When you hear Houri describe how her daughter punished her husband for forcing an injection before she was ready, you might never look at your own child's misbehavior the same way again. You'll even find a new way to approach the age-old struggle of tooth brushing in this conversation that gets Houri's childrens' teeth brushed every morning without a fight! If you'd like to ditch the rewards and punishments (and also know that the teeth will still get brushed!) then I'd love to help you make that happen. You'll get: A new module of content every month Access to an amazing community of supportive parents, in what they've described as "the least judgmental corner of the internet" Answers to your questions in the community, via a video, or a 1:1 consult for especially thorny issues (recorded to share with the community; there's a library of these available for you to watch as well) Group coaching calls where I'll coach you live on your specific challenges (or you can lurk if you prefer...) ACTion groups: Up to five parents and an experienced peer coach meet weekly to help you plan how you'll achieve your vision A 20 minute 1:1 call with community manager Denise right after you sign up, so she can direct you to the resources that will help you most! It's gentle parenting that's also gentle on you (and isn't permissive!). Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the banner to learn more. Other episodes mentioned: 009: Do you punish your child with rewards? Jump to Highlights 00:53 Introducing this episode’s topic and guest 04:09 Dr. Houri Parsi has been applying evidence-based parenting methods from the Your Parenting Mojo podcast for two years. 08:54 Dr. Houri talks...
	12 Feb 2024	203: How to move toward anti-racism with Kerry Cavers	00:56:45
Last year I hosted a panel event in Vancouver where four people who have been active in helping us to navigate toward an anti-racist, post-patriarchal, post-capitalist future came together to share their ideas in front of a live audience. It was a beautiful event (eventually we'll process the video of it to share with you!), and I really hit it off with Moms Against Racism Canada founder Kerry Cavers so we got together afterward to chat. This is a much more personal episode than many. I actually didn't know it was going to be an episode beforehand - I thought we were going to record something that would be mostly for Kerry to use to explain her work to potential funders. But when I realized what gold we had, I decided to release the video as an episode. I did realize that we were lacking in some specific take-home messages for listeners, so I asked whether Kerry would be willing to share some ideas for ways to take action on anti-racism with us. She has a lot going on at the moment so she wasn't able to record something for us, but she did put together a VERY comprehensive list of actions that I recorded at the end of the episode. I've also created a PDF of her ideas that you can print and refer back to more easily - click the button below to download it. Enjoy the conversation! Taming Your Triggers Still struggling with how you respond to your child's behaviors? Join our Taming Your Triggers workshop. We’ll help you to: ✅ Learn the real reasons why you feel triggered by your child's age-appropriate behavior ✅ Heal the hurts from the past and today that create your triggered feelings ✅ Develop skills to understand and meet your needs - AND your child's needs. You stop feeling like you're failing them, and they stop doing the things that drive you up the wall. By addressing our triggers, we contribute to a cultural shift towards justice and inclusion, fostering empathy and understanding within our families and society. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Jump to Highlights 00:53 Introducing this episode’s topic and guest 03:31 Kerry's insights into her role within Mom's Against Racism and discusses the organization's mission and initiatives 05:49 MAR’s origin and founding motivations 13:54 The various forms and manifestations of racism in Canadian society 18:50 How members of Moms Against Racism are guided in unlearning racism 24:49 Kerry reflects on her upbringing, sharing how her mother's personal challenges and disconnection from her cultural identity left a void in her understanding of her own heritage 28:00 Kerry’s thoughts on Parenting Beyond Power 31:14 Kerry talks about which tools from the book resonated with her and if she's been able to use them 43:02 Why Kerry agreed to join the Culture Talks Panel Event 47:22 Jen’s commitment to addressing issues like White privilege and patriarchy, striving to make a positive impact 50:38 Kerry’s Ideas for Anti-Racist Actions for Parents
	29 May 2023	185: How can we raise resilient children?	00:45:14
A lot of parents (and teachers) are concerned right now about children's resilience. Will they 'bounce back' from the difficulties of the pandemic? But is 'bouncing back' really the way we should be thinking about this? We have all been changed by the pandemic; shouldn't we acknowledge this and see how we can be the best versions of ourselves, incorporating what we've been through over the last few years, rather than trying to 'bounce back' into what we were before (which frankly wasn't all that amazing in a lot of cases, as we rushed from one thing to another with never any time for ourselves). In this episode we also consider Black and Indigenous researchers' perspectives on resilience, and see how their ideas can perhaps shift how we perceive resilience - and thus how we support our children. Other episodes referenced 069: Reducing the impact of intergenerational trauma 140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon 137: Psychological flexibility through ACT with Diana Hill 148: Is spanking a child really so bad? 098: Do school shooter trainings help (or hurt) children? 114: How to stop 'othering' and instead build 'belonging' 074: Attachment: What it is, what it's not, how to do it, and how to stop stressing about it 106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting Jump to highlights: 01:10 Introduction 01:34 Defining resilience from various perspectives 03:16 Resilience requires exposure to some kind of threat or severe adversity 06:37 What a lack of resilience looks like and how to measure its absence 08:16 Measuring resilience in research 09:08 The challenge of defining ‘protective’ factor 10:00 The history of research on resilience 12:03 The importance allowing children to cope with mild stressors 14:40 The Indigenous resilience 17:17 The control and dominance of indigenous peoples in Canada achieved through education and immersion in settler culture 19:25 The importance of resilience culture in Indigenous communities 21:02 A model of resilience by Dr. Edith Grotberg 27:01 Resilience determined by the dominant culture's expectations of normal, healthy, and good outcomes 30:08 The real purpose of resilience 32:18 What happens when a person isn't deemed to be resilient and why that is 33:46 Resilience as a code for social compliance 38:59 What true resilience should be about (based on the story about the Claremont Counseling Center's community building) 40:53 Wrapping up References Aranda, K., Zeeman, L., Scholes, J., & Morales, A. S-M. (2012). The resilient subject: Exploring subjectivity, identity and the body in narratives of resilience. Health 16(5), 548-563. Block, P. (2008). Community: The structure of belonging. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler. Grotberg, E. (1995). A guide to promoting resilience in children: Strengthening the human spirit. Early Childhood Development: Practice...
	16 Dec 2024	231: How to support baby’s development after a Wonder Week	01:03:35
Expert strategies for baby's growth and development beyond Wonder Weeks In Part 2 of our Wonder Weeks series, we’re exploring how to support your baby’s development once a Wonder Week has passed. Is there a predictable schedule to follow, or is your baby’s crying tied to something unique? In this episode, we’ll dive into: ✨ What research says about crying and developmental stages. ✨ The cultural influences behind parenting decisions and baby care. ✨ Strategies to support your baby through challenging times, Wonder Week or not. ✨ Ways to handle stress and ensure both you and your baby thrive. Whether your baby follows the Wonder Weeks timeline or forges their own path, this episode equips you with the insights and tools you need to nurture their growth. Ready to start your parenting journey with confidence? Click below to explore Right From The Start and prepare for a smoother, more empowered first year with your baby! Book mentioned in this episode: The Wonder Weeks by Dr. Frans Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt Childhood Unlimited: Parenting Beyond the Gender Bias by Virginia Mendez Mentioned Episodes Episode 230: Do all babies have Wonder Weeks? Here’s what the research says Episode 138: Most of What You Know About Attachment is Probably Wrong Episode 72: What is RIE? Episode 084: The science of RIE Episode 173: Why we shouldn’t read the Your X-Year-Old child books anymore Episode 137: Psychological Flexibility through ACT with Dr. Diana Hill Episode 075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid? Episode 066: Is the 30 Million Word Gap real? Episode 072: Is the 30 Million Word Gap Real: Part II Episode 031: Parenting beyond pink and blue Episode 017: Don’t bother trying to increase your child’s self-esteem Episode 061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype? Jump to Highlights
	26 Jul 2020	117: Socialization and Pandemic Pods	00:58:32
One of the questions I see asked most often in parenting forums these days is some variation on: "I’m worried about my child’s socialization now that it looks like daycares, preschools and schools have been closed for several months and will likely remain closed for several more months. Can someone please tell me if I really do need to worry about what the complete lack of socialization with other children will do to my [only] child?” So we'll take a look at that, and then we'll go on to take a look at the other kinds of socialization that happen in school that you may not have even realized happens until we dig into the research on it. I also let you know about a new Pandemic Pods 'in a box' course. A lot of parents are thinking of forming what are being called Pandemic Pods - a small group of children who are working together either in some kind of parent care exchange or with a hired teacher/tutor. As I'm sure you can imagine, there are a host of ways to set up these pods in a way that exacerbate existing inequalities that pervade the public school system. And there are also ways to set them up that might actually help us to begin to overcome some of these issues. Listen in to learn how! Click here to learn more about the Pandemic Pods 'in a box' course [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today’s podcast episode is on the topic of socialization, because one of the questions I’m seeing most often in parenting forums these days runs along the lines of "I’m worried about my child’s socialization now that it looks like daycares, preschools and schools have been closed for several months and will likely remain closed for several more months. Can someone please tell me if I really do need to worry about what the complete lack of socialization with other children will do to my only child?” So that’s the main topic for our conversation today. But I also wanted to let you know about some other resources I’ve been putting together for parents who are struggling to cope right now, and this episode is related to those as well. You might have already seen that I have a course called The Confident Homeschooler, which gives you all the information you need to decide whether homeschooling could be right for your child and your family. It’s based on scientific research, as everything I do is, but it’s not huge and indigestible. It’s a series of short videos that you could binge-watch in an evening or two, and it gives you everything you need to make a decision about whether homeschooling can really work for you whether you’ll need a curriculum, and if so, how to choose one; how to use your child’s interests to develop their intrinsic love of learning, the social and emotional learning that will enable your child’s success when they return to school, overcoming problems like working with children of different ages, and ways to assess your children’s learning so you can feel confident they are keeping up with academic standards, if you decide that’s important to you. If you want to find out more about The Confident Homeschooler you can do that at yourparentingmojo.com/confidenthomeschooler. But with many districts announcing that they are moving to remote-only learning for at least the first part of the fall semester, many parents are no longer in a position where they’re choosing whether homeschooling is right for them, they’re doing some form of it whether they want to or not. And parents are panicking. They’re panicking about their children’s learning, and whether their children are somehow going to ‘fall behind’ if they can’t make attending school two days a week work, or if they already know from what happened in...
	21 Feb 2021	130: Introduction to mindfulness and meditation with Diana Winston	00:55:23
"When she was younger, she wasn't that into reading and that was like a huge deal for me. I thought: "I'm such a reader. My daughter doesn't love to read." She's still not a big reader, but it's not hampering her in any way. She's blossoming in fifty other ways, but when I get caught in that story, "She's not like me. She's not..." - that's when I'm suffering. So I settle back into trusting, and think: "Oh, she's becoming who she is. Let her be that." -Diana Winston Meditation is touted as being a cure-all for everything from anxiety to depression to addictions. But is it possible that all this is too good to be true? In this episode, meditation teacher - and former Buddhist nun! - Diana Winston guides us through what we know of the research on meditation that's relevant to parents. It turns out that the quality of much of this research isn't amazing, but this may not matter to you if you're thinking of starting a meditation practice because the opportunity cost (a few minutes a day) is so low and the potential benefits are so high. We walk through a basic meditation that you can do anywhere, and no - it doesn't involve sitting cross-legged with your thumb and first finger held in a circle and saying 'ommmmmm....'. I was skeptical about meditation too - until I tried it. Perhaps it might help you as well? Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, Taming Your Triggers is now open for enrollment. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Jump to highlights: (02:36) Introducing Diana Winston (03:39) Defining Mindfulness (05:25) Distinguishing between mindfulness and meditation (06:26) How can mindfulness benefit me? (08:05) Self-hatred as a Western concept (12:27) The practice of mindfulness rooted in religion and cultural appropriation (13:57) The research on mindfulness (17:27) Why is it so hard to study mindfulness? (19:33) Mindfulness vs science as tools of observation (21:26) The benefits of mindfulness to parents and children (28:04) Improving parent-child relationships through mindfulness (30:27) Working in mindfulness practices in the context of communities (35:52) Practice mindfulness now with this quick walkthrough (42:46) Sit Still and It Will Hurt Eventually Useful links: Taming Your Triggers Workshop Books and other resources:				19 Dec 2022	174: Support for Neurodivergent Parents with Dr. Rahimeh Andalibian & Sara Goodrich	01:09:33
Most of the resources related to parenting and neurodiversity are geared toward helping neurodivergent children, not neurodivergent parents, so this episode aims to help close that gap. Whether you (or your partner, if you have one) have a diagnosis or you see yourself (or them) struggling but can't quite figure out why, this episode may help. Autism and ADHD are diagnosed at wildly differing rates in girls and boys (in large part because boys' symptoms often turn outward while girls' symptoms turn inward), which means that girls are very often undiagnosed and unsupported well into adulthood. Dr. A. may help you to identify neurodivergence in yourself or your partner, and then connect you to resources to support you on your journey. Find more about Dr. A's practice at SpectrumServicesNYC.com I also very much appreciated Dr. A's memoir The Rose Hotel (affiliate link) about her experiences in Iran during the revolution, and later in the U.K. and the U.S. Jump to highlights(00:03) Introduction to this episode.(03:07) What kind of patterns do you see in couples where one partner is known to be neurodivergent?(07:28) It’s often the female-identifying partner who is the one who identifies the issue.(11:46) What are some of the red flags for neurodivergent partners?(16:05) Men tend to flood four times as fast as their female partners when they are in an argument.(21:43) How do I support my partner in being a successful parent and also find more balance in terms of what they bring to the family?(25:38) What do we do with this knowledge that we have?(30:31) Dealing with conflict between the couple.(32:46) What do you think of the idea of trauma as a factor in ADHD?(36:12) Diagnosis of ADHD is multi-directional –.(41:56) Mental health is still stigmatized and getting a diagnosis could backfire on you.(42:31) What is a diagnosis and how does it help?(47:44) The different types of ADHD.(53:03) Social calendaring and extracurricular activities.(54:46) Time blocking is a better approach for ADHD.(01:01:45) Strengths of people with ADHD.References Blair, R.J.R. (2005). Responding to the emotions of others: Dissociating forms of empathy through the study of typical and psychiatric populations. Consciousness and Cognition 14(4), 698-718. Bostock-Ling, J.S. (2017, December). Life satisfaction of neurotypical women in intimate relationships with a partner who has Asperger’s Syndrome: An exploratory study. Unpublished Master’s thesis: The University of Sydney. Chronis-Tuscano, A., & Stein, M.A. (2012). Pharmapsychotherapy for parents with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Impact on maternal ADHD and parenting. CNS Drugs 26(9), 725-732. Chronis-Tuscano, A., O’Brien, K.A., Johnston, C., Jones, H.A., Clarke, T.L., Raggi, V.L., Rooney, M.E., Diaz, Y., Pian, J., & Seymour, K.E. (2011). The relation between maternal ADHD symptoms & improvement in child behavior following brief behavioral parent training is mediated by change in negative parenting. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 39, 1047-1057. Conway, F., Oster, M., & Szymanski, K. (2011). ADHD and complex trauma: A descriptive study of hospitalized children in an urban psychiatric hospital. Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Psychotherapy 10, 60-72. Dziobek, I., Rogers, K., Fleck, S., Bahnemann, M., Heekeren, H.R., Wolf, O.T., & Convit, A. (2007). Dissociation of cognitive and emotional empathy in adults with Asperger Syndrome using the mUltifaceted
	24 Mar 2025	241: Validating children’s feelings: Why it’s important, and how to do it with Dr. Caroline Fleck	01:15:04
What exactly is validation? Dr. Fleck defines it as communication that demonstrates you are mindful, understand, and empathize with another person's experience, thereby accepting it as valid. In this illuminating conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, author the book Validation, we explore the powerful concept of validation and how it can transform your relationship with your child. Dr. Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Adjunct Clinical Instructor at Stanford University. After the conversation with Dr. Fleck, I provide my own perspective on the third part of her book. While I found the first two parts on validation techniques extremely valuable and immediately applicable, I share some concerns about using validation as a tool for changing children's behavior. I explore the ethical considerations of consent-based relationships with children and offer an alternative approach focused on understanding needs rather than modifying behavior. The conversation gives you an overview of the very useful validation framework, while the conclusion honors my commitment to respectful, needs-based parenting approaches that maintain children's autonomy and inner experience. Questions this episode will answer How do I validate my child's feelings when they're having a meltdown? Does validating my child's emotions make tantrums worse or last longer? What should I say when my child is upset about something that seems trivial? How can I tell the difference between validating feelings versus validating bad behavior? What are the most effective words to use when validating my child's emotions? How does validation help my child develop emotional regulation skills? What happens if I've been unintentionally invalidating my child's feelings? Is it possible to validate feelings while still setting necessary boundaries? What simple validation techniques can I start using today with my child? What you'll learn in this episode Simple, practical phrases to validate your child's feelings during difficult moments How to respond when your child is upset about something that seems small (like a broken cracker) The step-by-step validation ladder you can use with children of all ages Why saying "You're OK!" actually makes tantrums worse and what to say instead How validation helps your child develop emotional regulation skills faster Easy mindfulness techniques to stay calm when your child is emotional Specific examples of validation for common parenting challenges How to validate feelings while still maintaining important boundaries Ways to repair your relationship if you've been unintentionally invalidating The connection between childhood validation and long-term mental health Whether you're dealing with tantrums, big emotions, difficult conversations, or just want to build a stronger connection with your child,...
	15 Mar 2020	108: How to cope with the Coronavirus pandemic	00:44:19
In this episode we discuss how to cope with parents’ and children’s fear and anxiety related to the Coronavirus pandemic, how to keep the children busy so you can get some work done (without resorting to hours of screen time), and how to use the time that you are focused on them to develop your family relationships as well as their learning, rather than you driving each other nuts. To download a FREE sample routine to help you organize your days, and also join a FREE one-week workshop to give you the tools you need to cope with this situation, please go to yourparentingmojo.com/coronavirus Other episodes mentioned in this show Talk Sex Today Understanding the AAP’s new screen time guidelines Raising your child in a digital world Resources List of video conferencing companies offering free services Geocaching website Nature journaling videos with John Muir Laws Jump to highlights 00:58 Introduction of episode 04:16 Difference between fear, worry, anxiety, and panic and how they impact a person 07:23 Official diagnosis of anxiety 08:36 Official diagnosis of a panic attack 10:05 What can we do to be less afraid 16:33 Difference between routine and schedule 22:48 A learning exploration 29:49 Parents worry about loneliness 39:50 Realization during the pandemic [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast! I know that listeners who have been with me for a while know that an episode is going to be different when I dispense with the music at the beginning – I think the last time I did this was six months ago when I announced that I was taking a break from the show. But have no fear; I’m not going anywhere – I just did it today to indicate that this is not a normal show because these are not normal times. I’m recording this on March 15 2020, four days after the World Health Organization declared that the coronavirus outbreak is a pandemic, which means it is dispersed across a very wide geographic area and affects many individuals at the same time. Many, many things have been canceled in the last few days – most schools are canceled for at least the next few weeks; big events are canceled or postponed, and we’re being advised to practice ‘social distancing’ by remaining six feet apart from other people. This all seems really big and super stressful and I’m not going to go into the details of much of the epidemiological information because frankly that isn’t my specialty. But I also know that a lot of you are struggling with issues that very much do fall into my wheelhouse – things like “what on earth am I going to do with my kids for the next six weeks when we usually start to get on each other’s nerves on day six of a vacation,” and “will my child get behind on school work,” and “how am I going to still get my own WORK work done so I can get paid and keep us afloat while we’re all cooped up in this tiny space?” So in this episode I’m going to cover two main things – firstly, resources for you, because you may well be feeling quite anxious and approaching the end of your rope already and unsure how you’re going to make it through the coming weeks. Then we’ll talk about issues that affect your children while we’re going through this and how to answer your children’s questions...
	12 Jun 2023	186: How to meet your needs with Mara Glatzel	00:58:24
We talk a lot about meeting needs on the show. And mostly we focus on meeting your child's needs, because when those are met then your needs for peace and ease and collaboration with your child get met as well. But of course those are not your only needs. You also have needs independent of your relationship with your children, and you deserve to have these met. Mara Glatzel's new book focuses squarely on your needs. Why is it so hard to understand what our needs are? How can we figure out what our needs are...before they explode out of us in a meltdown? And how can we get these met on a regular basis? This episode will show you how to do that. Jump to highlights: 01:20 Introduction of the guest - Mara Glatzel 02:20 Mara shares the story at the beginning of her book where she tells her personal reflection when she felt learned the importance of asserting one's needs and the impact it has had on her life and relationship 06:13 Mara differentiates needs from wants 09:47 The societal pressure to maintain a perfect and productive facade may just lead to burnout and a denial of our own humanity 13:31 It is important to recognize and identify physical sensations, symptoms, and circumstances associated with burnout to prevent and reverse it 20:20 Setting boundaries with children allows parents to prioritize their own needs so they meet their children’s needs as well 24:49 Consistently pushing ourselves beyond our limits and striving for perfection sets us up for burnout 29:31 Prioritizing our own needs and well-being - even if it means doing things differently from others - is essential for sustainable productivity and a fulfilling life 34:37 It can be challenging to find the right balance between meeting our children's needs and taking care of our own, but by modeling self-care, setting boundaries, and teaching them how to communicate their needs effectively, we can find ways to support each other 41:36 Balancing our commitment to creating positive change with prioritizing our own well-being is crucial, as our ability to make an impact is compromised if we neglect self-care 47:34 If we're unable to deal with our own needs, we make our needs other people's problems - and this impacts our relationships 50:55 Mara shares about finding joy in trying new activities and embracing the freedom of being a beginner while following personal interests 54:46 Wrapping up Mara's book: Needy: How to advocate for your needs and claim your sovereignty (affiliate link)
	19 Jun 2020	114: How to stop ‘Othering’ and instead ‘Build Belonging’	00:58:17
I had originally approached today's topic of Othering through a financial lens, as part of the series of episodes on the intersection of parenting and money (previous episodes have been on NYT Money colunist Ron Lieberman's book The Opposite of Spoiled, How to Pass on Mental Wealth to your Child, The Impact of Consumerism on Parenting, and How to Set Up A Play Room. The series will conclude in the coming weeks with episodes on advertising and materialism). I kept seeing questions in parenting groups: How can I teach my child about volunteering? How can I donate the stuff we don't need without making the recipient feel less than us? And, of course, after the Black Lives Matter movement began its recent up-swing of activity, the topic took on a new life that's more closely related to my guest's work: viewing othering through the lens of race. My guest, Dr. John A. Powell, is an internationally recognized expert in the areas of civil rights and civil liberties and a wide range of issues including race, structural racism, ethnicity, housing, poverty, and democracy. He is the Director of the Othering & Belonging Institute (formerly Haas Institute for a Fair and Inclusive Society), which supports research to generate specific prescriptions for changes in policy and practice that address disparities related to race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and socioeconomics in California and nationwide. In addition to being a Professor of Law and Professor of African American Studies and Ethnic Studies at the University of California, Berkeley, Professor powell holds the Robert D. Haas Chancellor’s Chair in Equity and Inclusion. Our conversation was wide-ranging and touched on a host of topics and thinkers, which I promised to track down if I could. These include: Martha Minow's book Making All The Difference Aristotle's theory of Arithmetic and Geometric Equality Judith Butler's book Gender Trouble Amartya Sen's idea that poverty is not a lack of stuff, but a lack of belonging Dr. Susan Fiske's work on the connection between liking and competence Lisa Delpit's book Other People's Children Dr. Gordon Allport's book The Nature of Prejudice Max Weber's idea of methodological individualism The movie Trading Places (I still haven't seen it!) This blog post touches on Dr. powell's idea of the danger of allyship John Rawls' idea that citizens are reasonable and rational Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
	04 Apr 2021	133: How the Things We Learned About Sex Impact Our Children	00:54:30
Today we build on episodes that we've done in the past on talking with children about the basics of sex (so when you listen to this episode we're assuming you've got the basics covered - things like using anatomically correct names for body parts and taking basic steps to prevent sexual abuse). This is the first in a mini-series of episodes that digs deeper into topics related to sex. Here we talk with Charlotte Rose, co-host of the Speaking of Sex podcast by the Pleasure Mechanics, about what and how we adults learned about sex. We talk about the shame that pretty much all of us learned to associate with sex (and how to overcome that), and what we can do to improve the chances of having sex with our partner - even if we're feeling so tired that this currently seems out of the question. We're setting the stage here to approach sex from a less pressured, more fun perspective - which will help us in an upcoming episode to figure out what we want to discuss with our children about sex, sexuality, and pleasure. Jump to highlights: (01:00) Today's topic and Parenting Membership reopening announcement (02:20) Setting Loving and Effective Limits workshop announcement (03:55) Chris and Charlotte Rose the Pleasure Mechanics (05:16) The primary focus of today's episode (06:09) Sex isn't what it used to be before we became parents (08:39) Responsive desire and spontaneous desire (09:17) Erotic simulation and how there is nothing wrong with your sexual relationship (11:54) Creating a culture of pleasure within your relationship (14:42) Continual consent - it doesn't always need to lead to sex (15:34) Sex is adults at play (17:37) Sex educations centered around abstinence, secrecy, and shame and how we move forward from that (20:39) A parenting opportunity to create a different culture for our children, so that they have to unlearn so much less with regards to sex (22:35) How does shame show up in parents' sexual relationship? (25:21) So much judgment about sexuality and how it gets in the way of our connection with our partner (29:04) A culture of community care to have these conversations (29:49) Initiation and refusal/rejection (34:36) Mindful sex: How to enjoy sex more (39:27) Finding that balance when having the sex conversation with our children (42:23) Giving kids the building blocks so that they can have an experience to healthy sexuality when it is time for them (45:39) Experiencing self massage in a non sexual way (50:16) Body neutrality (51:36) Wrapping up Here are the resources we discussed on the show: ...
	20 Mar 2022	151: The Alphabet Rockers with Kaitlin McGaw and Tommy Shepherd	00:39:11
The band The Alphabet Rockers consists of lead members Kaitlin McGaw and Tommy Shepherd, and a multi-racial group of children who are also involved in writing and performing. They write about their real lived experiences and their desire to live in a world where everyone belongs. Kaitlin and Tommy are actually fellows at the Othering and Belonging Institute, run by Dr. jon powell, whose work I really respect and whom we interviewed in the episode on othering. They also do work in schools - in an hour-long program they work with a class to compose a song, which gives children the experience not just of songwriting, but of truly being heard and having their ideas respected. Kaitlin and Tommy have now written a children's book called You Are Not Alone, which we discussed in the episode - along with a host of other juicy topics related to parenting...and racism...and White supremacy... Jump to highlights 01:37 Introducing the guest speakers 04:45 Each song has its journey 14:30 The importance of centering children's experience in creating a culture of belonging 19:30 Practices that are intentionally brought into your family or practices that you have let go of in your family [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so Jenny 00:10 do you get tired of hearing the same old interests to podcast episodes? I don't really But Jen thinks you might. I'm Jenny, a listener from Los Angeles, testing out a new way for listeners to record the introductions to podcast episodes. There's no other resource out there quite like Your Parenting Mojo, which doesn't just tell you about the latest scientific research on parenting and child development but puts it in context for you as well, so you can decide whether and how to use this new information. I listen because parenting can be scary and it's reassuring to know what the experts think. If you'd like to get new episodes in your inbox, along with a free infographic on 13 reasons your child isn't listening to you and what to do about each one. Sign up at YourParentingMojo.com/subscribe. You can also join the free Facebook group to continue the conversation. Over time you might get sick of hearing me read this intro so come and record one yourself. You can read from a script Jen provided or have some real fun with it and write your own. Just go to YourParentingMojo.com/RecordTheIntro. I can't wait to hear yours Jen Lumanlan 01:33 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we are going to do something I think that we've never done before. I don't believe we have had Grammy-nominated people on the show before so I'm excited for that. We are welcoming Tommy Shepherd and Caitlin McGraw who are co-creators of the Grammy nominated Alphabet Rockers and they have quickly become an important voice for today's youth curating content centered on children's voices and social justice...
	19 May 2022	157: How to find your village	00:40:13
For the first time, in this episode I bow out and and let listeners Jenny and Emma take over, who wanted to share how they’ve been supporting each other over the last few months. They started from pretty different points: Emma wasn’t having parenting struggles, but often over-communicated with her husband and he would stonewall in response, agreeing to whatever she asked so she would stop talking. Then he would resist later, and she couldn’t understand why…because he had agreed, right? Jenny’s sleep had been disturbed by her child for more than four years…she was exhausted, and had no idea how to deal with her rage-filled kindergartener who would hit her whenever he was upset. Neither of them had much confidence that being on a Zoom call together for 40 minutes a week would help them. Emma and her husband now communicate in a way that meets both of their needs, and can navigate the challenges that come up with their preschooler. Jenny is sleeping! And she has learned how deep listening and true empathy help her son to feel really heard…and incidents that used to lead to 45 minute meltdowns that would disrupt the rest of the day are now over in 10 minutes, and are actually connecting for them. Jenny and Emma did all this with a bit of information from me…but mostly by being fully present for each other in a small ‘village’ of parents, inside the slightly larger village of the Parenting Membership. If you want help to break down the changes you want to make into tiny manageable steps and be held (gently!) accountable for taking them (or adjusting course if needed…), we’d love to have you join the three of us plus a group of likeminded parents in the membership. Get the information you need and the support to actually implement it, all in what members call “the least judgmental corner of the internet.” Click the image below to learn more about the Parenting Membership. Join the waitlist to get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Jump to highlights: 01:00 Jenny and Emma came up with the idea to record an episode for the podcast to talk about how their parenting has changed over the last year. 01:55 Emma wasn’t having major problems, but wanted to be prepared for the challenges that may happen down the road. 02:36 Jenny was struggling because she hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in 4 ½ years…and now prioritizes herself through the support of Emma and the members of the ACTion group. 03:55 An open Invitation to join the Parenting Membership. 04:45 Because Emma is a high achiever, she imagined parenthood to be a breeze. 06:57 Jenny believed that if you are prepared and serene, and you bring this calm energy to your pregnancy, you will have an easy child. 08:24 The lack of understanding of our values is what causes us to be conflicted about becoming parents. 12:00Our child’s big feelings are their way of letting us know that they are not okay. 14:30 It's great to have a community who we can trust, and who will support and respect our values 16:30 The ACTion group conversation once a week gives parents a foundation to parent more intentionally 18:26 Emma used the problem-solving method to find a solution for her child's resistance during nail cutting by trying to hypothesize her child’s feelings. 20:17 Needs can be met when you remove the ‘shoulds.’ 25:31 Jenny’s parenting has been a lot less tense over the past year and a half, which was a wonderful surprise. 30:48 Jenny saw big changes when she used a deep listening technique with her son during an episode of intense anger and frustration, which ended the episode much more quickly than usual! 37:25 It's life-changing to see a profound change in our children and ourselves when both of our needs are fulfilled....
	02 May 2021	135: 5 reasons respectful parenting is so hard	00:27:54
This episode grew out of a post that long-time friend of the podcast, Dr. Laura Froyen, published in a respectful parenting group that we both work in as admins. In the post she asked people to share how they felt before and after they discovered respectful parenting, and then she created a word cloud of the results. The words in the 'before' cloud were perhaps predictable - things like 'worried,' 'overwhelmed,' 'resentful,' and 'guilty.' And the most common word in the 'after respectful parenting' word cloud? Exhausted. What on earth is going on here? In this episode I explore five important reasons why respectful parenting is so hard - and what to do about each of them. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: (01:00) Why we find parenting so hard (01:18) Most prominent words before parents discovered respectful parenting (01:58) Five reasons respectful parenting can be hard (03:03) 1st reason: Our needs that our parents just didn’t see despite doing the best they could (05:22) The trauma of unmet needs (06:09) 2nd reason: The long game that is respectful parenting (08:54) Our culture trains us to want results (09:56) 3rd reason: Our values and what we want to do in an ideal world (10:39) Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting (13:38) Our child's behavior brings up old trauma (14:10) Shifting the way we see our children (15:12) 4th reason: When we see these values that we want to live (16:37) The tendency to engage in negative self-talk (17:58) Self compassion and mindfulness (19:11) The last (and perhaps not the last) reason (24:47) Super short summary information. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with...
	10 Mar 2025	239: First year for your newborn baby: The 7 ideas that really matter	00:56:22
What truly matters in a baby’s first year? This episode explores the top seven things parents should focus on, helping you set priorities with confidence. Questions this episode will answer How much influence do parents really have on their child’s development? What parenting practices actually make a long-term difference? Should you be worried about hitting developmental milestones on time? How can you support your baby’s emotional well-being from day one? What are the best ways to foster a strong parent-child bond? What you’ll learn in this episode Parenting advice changes constantly, often reflecting shifts in culture and scientific understanding. In this episode, we take a research-backed approach to uncover what truly matters in your baby’s first year—and what doesn’t. The Myth of the Perfect Parent: Learn why the definition of “good parenting” has evolved and how cultural expectations influence parenting choices. Nature vs. Nurture: Discover the surprising role genetics and socioeconomic factors play in shaping a child’s future. The Truth About Developmental Milestones: Understand why comparing your child to others can be misleading—and what really matters for long-term success. Helping Your Baby Feel Secure: Explore the key elements of emotional safety and how they support healthy development. Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection: Learn practical strategies to foster trust, communication, and bonding with your baby. Making Parenting Easier: Get clarity on what’s actually worth stressing about—spoiler: fancy baby gear isn’t on the list. Join us as we use our values to understand how to get parenting right from the start for your baby and family. If you’re ready to dive even deeper into these ideas and get hands-on guidance in your parenting journey, our Right From The Start course that I run with Hannah & Kelty of Upbringing is here to help. It’s designed to give you the confidence and tools to support your baby’s emotional well-being, strengthen your bond, and parent with intention—right from the start. You'll get access to nine modules of content on topics like supporting baby's sleep, feeding with confidence, and supporting a strong sibling relationship. You'll also learn how to meet your own needs - because you're a whole person with needs, not just your baby's parent. Right From The Start is available anytime, and you get access to a group coaching call once a month for a year after you join. You can give the course as a gift - it might be the most useful baby shower gift anyone can receive (besides the industrial strength laxatives and nipple shields!) Click the image below to learn more about Right From The Start: Other episodes mentioned 081: How can I decide which daycare/preschool is right for my child? 079: What is RIE? 084: The Science of RIE
	26 Mar 2023	180: How to get your children to stop fighting	00:41:40
If there’s one topic that never fails to rile parents up, it’s sibling fighting. Why does it affect us so much? (There are two main reasons.) Why is this happening, and what can we do about it? There are two main reasons, and one strategy to use with each reason. That’s it! There are not an infinite number of reasons why this is happening, or an infinite number of things to try to get it to stop. This episode will help you to identify the cause of the fighting, and how to make it stop. Sound too good to be true? It isn’t. Check out what parents have said about the workshop and sign up: Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go way beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: 02:07 Challenges of having multiple children 03:39 How parents' reactions to their children's fighting can be influenced by their own past experiences with their siblings. 07:00 The need to make pause before reacting to a child’s behavior 07:52 Understanding the causes of siblings fight 08:34 A fictitious story about a sibling fight to show two possible scenarios that may result from two opposing reactions from a parent 10:40 Scenario 1: Parent explodes and blames one child as aggressor during sibling fight 12:10 Scenario 2: Parent makes a pause, remains calm, does not blame anyone 15:00 Importance of having an empathetic discussion with your children 20:45 The struggles of Adrianna and Tim began when a new child was added to the family. 24:46 How Parenting Membership help Adrianna and Tim 25:54 Adrianna shares how bodhi shows his empathy towards her sister 27:35 How adding a sibling rocks an older child’s world 28:42 What are some ways to support our older child in managing challenging emotions so that they continue to feel valued and loved by us. 31:24 Sibling fight as a child’s unskillful strategy to getting their needs met 33:55 Figuring out the commonly unmet needs of our children 35:05 The answer to a child’s unmet needs: Spend 1:1 time with them 36:25 The importance of letting the child direct your ‘special time’ 37:48 Why parents shouldn’t treat all their children in the same way 39:16 Adrianna’s reflections [accordion][accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Kelly Peterson 00:03 Hi, this is Kelly Peterson from Chicago, Illinois. There's no other resource out there quite like Your Parenting Mojo, which doesn't just tell you about the latest scientific research on parenting and child development, but puts
	02 Jan 2022	RE-RELEASE: Why storytelling is so important for our children	00:38:35
“Storytelling? I’m already reading books to my child – isn’t that enough?” Your child DOES get a lot out of reading books (which is why we’ve done a several episodes on that already, including What children learn from reading books, How to read with your child, and Did you already miss the boat on teaching your toddler how to read?. But it turns out that storytelling benefits our relationship with our child in ways that reading books really can’t, because you’re looking at the book rather than at your child. If you ask your child what kind of story they’d like you to tell, you also get incredible insight into both their interests and concerns – I can attest to this, as I’ve been singing story-songs about poop and various kinds of baby animals who can’t find their mamas on and off for several weeks now (we had an incident a few months back where she couldn’t find me in a store). In this episode we also discuss the ways that people from different cultures tell stories, and what implications this has for them as they interact with our education system. Jump to highlights 02:35 Where to start in supporting your child's learning 07:20 Introduction of episode 08:00 History of storytelling 12:25 Approaches in censoring the stories of our children 14:36 What are the benefits of storytelling 25:25 Why we should tell stories 31:05 2 short stories Kendall Haven used in his book Story Proof 35:45 Ideas to convey [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] 00:01 If we want our children to have the best chance to live fulfilling lives, that can you keep up with all the books and scientific research on parenting, and fit the information into your own philosophy on how to raise kids. Welcome to Your Parenting Mojo, the podcast that does the work for you by investigating and examining respectful research-based parenting tools to help kids thrive. Now welcome your host, Jen Lumanlan. Jen Lumanlan 00:38 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Before we get going with today’s topic on the subject of storytelling, I wanted to let you know about a little something I’ve been working on for a while now. I think I’ve mentioned before that I was working on a Master’s in Education – well, I’ve finished that now and I’m actually not in school at the moment which is both amazingly freeing and rather strange. I’ve mentioned before that after we made the decision to homeschool our daughter, whenever anyone asked me about homeschooling, they would always ask me the same questions, so I created a course to help families figure out whether homeschooling could be right for them – you can find more info on that at yourhomeschoolingmojo.com if you like. But a lot of friends said “homeschooling sounds awesome, but I could never do it,” or “homeschooling sounds awesome but I don’t want to do it,” or just “we’re committed to public schools.” When I asked them to tell me more about this they invariably expressed some kind of anxiety about this decision – kind of a “we’re committed to public schools but….” – they’re worried about class sizes and a lack of funding and the quality of the education their child will receive. And I thought to myself: “hmmm…what if there was a way to take everything I’ve learned during a master’s in psychology and another in Education and make it relevant to people who are committed to public school for whatever reason, but who recognize the limitations in the system and want their children to come out of public school among the 40% of 12^th-graders who can read and do math at or above a proficient level, and not among the 60% who are at a basic or below-basic level. Parents want to...
	09 Mar 2020	107: The impact of consumerism on children	00:58:52
A few weeks ago we talked with Dr. Brad Klontz about the 'money scripts' that we pass on to our children - perhaps unintentionally - if we fail to examine these and make conscious decisions about the messages we want to convey about money to our children. Today we continue our series on the intersection of parenting and money with a conversation with Dr. Allison Pugh, whose doctoral dissertation (and subsequent book, Longing and Belonging: Parents, Children, and Consumer Culture) remain seminal works in this field even a decade after their publication. In this interview, we take the position that advertising to children is happening - so what do we do with that? How do children make meaning out of the messages sent to them through our consumerist culture? How do parents attempt to resist the effects of this culture, and how successful are they? In our next episode in this series we'll dig more deeply into the effects of advertising itself on children's brains, so stay tuned for that! Book mentioned in the episode Longing and Belonging: Parents, Children, and Consumer Culture (Affiliate link). Other episodes on this series This episode is the second in a series on the intersection of parenting and money. You can find other episodes in this series: 038: The Opposite of Spoiled 105: How to pass on mental wealth to your child 112: How to Set up a Play Room 115: Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children 118: Are You Raising Materialistic Kids? [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 01:31 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today's episode is part of a series that I'm doing on the Intersection of Childhood and Money. A while back now I interviewed New York Times columnist Ron Lieber, on his book The Opposite of Spoiled and we do use his approach to several topics related to money. But it seemed to me for a while now that there's a lot more to say on this. So more recently, I interviewed Dr. Brad Klontz on his concept of Money Scripts, which are the ideas about money that were passed on to us by our parents and that we will probably pass on to our children as well if we don't critically examine these and potentially make a conscious decision to choose a different path. Another avenue I've been wanting to explore is consumerism since I come from England, which is certainly becoming more Americanized than many other places, but where consumerism still doesn't have the same force that it does here in the US where buying things to express love or because you're feeling sad or just because you feel like it is pretty much considered a birthright. And I spent a lot of time looking for someone to talk with on this topic and finally found our guest today Dr. Allison Pugh. Dr. Pugh is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia whose teaching and research focuses on contemporary work and relationships, and particularly the intertwining of culture, emotions, intimacy and economic life. She's currently a fellow at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles while she writes a book about her research on the automation of work that's historically relied on relationships between people like the caring professions. She wrote the book
	20 Nov 2020	125: Should you worry about technoference?	00:59:32
I often hear two related ideas about adults' screen usage around children. Sometimes the parent asking the question guiltily confesses to using screens around their children more than they would like, and to using screens as a momentary escape from the demands of parenting. Or the parent asking the question feels that they have found a sense of balance in their own screen usage, but worries about their partner who frequently ignores their child because they're so focused on a screen. In this episode we interview a luminary in the field of research related to children and screen usage: Dr. Jenny Radesky, who is a Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician and Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Michigan Medical School. Her research interests include the use of mobile technology by parents and young children, and how this relates to child self-regulation and parent-child interaction, and she was the lead author of the 2016 American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on digital media use in early childhood. We'll learn whether you should be worried about Technoference, and some judgement-free steps you can take to navigate your (or your partner's) screen usage around your child. Parenting Membership If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out. Click the banner to learn more. Join the waitlist to get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I’m Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you’d like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you’ll join us. Jen 01:00 Hello, everyone. Before we get into the topic of today's new episode, I wanted to let you know about my special Black Friday promotion that I have running now through midnight, Pacific time on Friday, November 27th. For this limited time, I'm offering access to my parenting membership for only $25 a month, and to my supporting your child's learning membership for only $35 a month. Now those of you who know me, and the show might be kind of surprised to hear me running a Black Friday promotion. After all, I get complaints about my left-leaning, anti-capitalist stance all the time. And I thought it would be doubly amusing to talk about this before an episode on technoference, which is when technology like our smartphones interferes with our relationships, because I imagine a number of you are planning technology related purchases for the holidays. Jen 01:43 But I decided to do this for two reasons. Firstly, I know these memberships can help you. I've seen so many parents transform their approach to parenting...
	25 Apr 2021	SYPM 012: From fear-filled conflict to parenting as a team	00:38:36
"You're doing it wrong! You're not asking for consent before changing the diaper!" In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode we meet parent Nicole, who has core values related to being empathic, constantly learning, and upholding justice in the world. These awesome values came together in a difficult way when Nicole became a parent: she had a deep fear of not getting parenting right, so she was constantly reading and trying to find that one piece of information that would close the gap between her struggles and the kind of parent she wanted to be. The stress of parenting an infant brought out a controlling side of her where she attempted to script every aspect of her (and her husband's) interactions with her child, thinking they had already screwed up parenting because he hadn't asked their child's consent before changing her diaper. Nicole was raised by a single parent who had had a traumatic upbringing, and Nicole grew up sometimes feeling scared by her mother's oversized reactions to normal childhood behavior. She knew she wanted more for her children - but didn't know what to do. Over the last year she's been working on 'reparenting' herself so she doesn't have to parent from a place of fear any more, and can relax into understanding her children's feelings - and her own and her partner's feelings as well. Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you.Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms: Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May! Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: (03:19) Nicole's background (04:36) Nicole's parenting beliefs and values (06:31) Teaching respect by giving respect (08:07) Fear and anxiety of not getting parenting right (09:32) How inter generational trauma show up in your family (11:37) The unexpected reparenting piece (13:35) How talking about death with children led Nicole to my work (15:13) Nicole's experience with the Parenting Membership (18:32) What shifted in Nicole's that made her decide to take the Membership (19:17) Realizing the most unconditional thing you can do for your kids (20:12) Relationships our complex yet we don't think that way when it comes to our relationship with our children (21:08) Nicole's incredible example of how she shows up for her children and handles things differently now compared to before (24:45) Becoming more confident in parenting (26:09) Having the language to talk about our...
	12 Nov 2024	229: Raising kids in divisive times: Where do we go after the 2024 election?	01:34:07
How to Raise Kids and Live Our Values in Divisive Times Chances are, if you're thinking of listening to this podcast episode, the 2024 election didn't go the way you hoped it would. A lot of people are feeling scared right now. I've heard some people wanting to fight, while others want to hunker down. I've had both of those feelings myself over the last few weeks. I don't usually wade into current events. My brain needs time to process and digest and preferably take in a lot of peer-reviewed research before I can decide what I think. I tried to do something different in this episode: I did read a lot, but I only took notes and then spoke mostly extemporaneously. And now you've seen the length of this episode you'll know why I don't do that very often. In this episode we will help you answer questions like: How do our values shape political views and actions? How can we make sense of the way that liberals and conservatives prioritize different values? Is it possible that liberals haven't been truly honest about how we live our values? What kinds of actions can we take to create true belonging so we don't have to grasp at power? How can we create true belonging in our families, to live our values honestly and completely? I hope you find this thought-provoking and useful as we all start to think about the ways we can move forward - and keep everyone safe. These are the graphs mentioned on this episode: Episodes Mentioned: 179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu 114: How to stop ‘Othering’ and instead ‘Build Belonging’ 221: How to advocate for the schools our children deserve with Allyson Criner Brown & Cassie Gardener Manjikian Books mentioned in this episode: (Affiliate links) Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World, by Jen Lumanlan Belonging without Othering, by John A. Powell and Stephen Menendian Schedule your own Red/Blue conversation through Braver Angels Jump to highlights: 03:50 References to Dr. John Powell’s and Dr. Jonathan Haidt’s work, particularly The Righteous Mind, exploring political views. 04:45 Explanation of Haidt's five moral foundations and their impact on political perspectives. 07:00 Comparison of liberal...
	11 Mar 2024	205: How patriarchy hurts us…all of us	00:58:50
I have to admit, I’m a bit scared to say it… The P-word… “Patriarchy.”(Phew! I did it!)I know some listeners find it hard to hear. I’ve spoken with more than one woman who has told me: “I sent your podcast to my husband but then he heard the word “Patriarchy” and it was all over. There’s some sadness there for me, for sure. Every time I talk about patriarchy I talk about how much it hurts me and those of us who identify as women – but I also talk about how much it hurts men as well. And that’s not just lip service: I truly believe that patriarchy has robbed men of a full emotional life. I was talking with a parent in the Parenting Membership recently who asked her husband if he ever felt truly seen and understood. He said ‘no,’ and ended the conversation. She cried as she told me: “I feel so sad for him that he doesn’t know that he could be seen and understood, so he doesn’t even realize he’s missing it.” We can know these things conceptually, and we can think that patriarchy kind of sucks, but maybe we think there’s not a lot we can do about it. After all, isn’t the man the one who really needs to change? Member Iris and I had had a conversation in the membership a couple of months before I was in Vancouver for the Parenting Beyond Power book tour, where she mentioned that she’d been thinking a lot about how patriarchy shows up in her life. We made plans to get together to record an episode while I was in town – and here it is! Iris and I discuss: The power and control that men held over women and girls as she grew up in the Philippines, including casting out female family members with out-of-wedlock pregnancies, while nothing happened to the men who got them pregnant (and lest we think this couldn't possibly happen where we live, men have very real power over women's pregnancies in the United States as well right now too...) How she sees herself catering to her husband’s needs - adjusting her daily schedule to his; eating what he wanted for dinner even if she preferred something different; perceiving that he expects her to do more than half of the household, even though neither of them works for income; Patriarchal messages that are being passed on to her daughter about the value of marriage, children, and meeting men’s needs. Even though she’s no longer in the Philippines, Iris still sees patriarchy in her relationship with her husband and daughter. She even sees how it hurts her husband, who is looked down upon in our culture because he doesn't present in a typically 'masculine' way. She shares the practices she’s using to pass on different messages to her daughter about a woman’s role in a family and in the world. But I don’t think we should only have these kinds of conversations with our daughters. We should also talk with our boys about their feelings, and encourage them to fully experience their pain, hurt, and joy, and teach them that it’s OK to care about other people and not be an island that feels no pain and never cries. Enjoy this beautiful conversation with Iris. Parenting Beyond Power Parenting is tough, but when we shift away from traditional power dynamics to collaboration, family life becomes smoother today. Conventional discipline methods may temporarily stop challenging behaviors, but they reinforce harmful lessons about power and control. Parenting Beyond Power offers a groundbreaking framework to understand and meet our children's needs, fostering respect and empathy. With sample scripts and practical resources, Parenting Beyond Power empowers you to transform your parenting...
	04 Jul 2021	140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon	00:55:23
This episode kicks off a series on the intersection of parenting and food. We begin today with a conversation with Dr. Lindo Bacon, where we bust a LOT of myths about the obesity epidemic that is said to be plaguing people in the United States and other countries that follow a similar diet. The messaging we get from government entities seems pretty simple: being fat is bad for you. It causes increased risk for a host of diseases as well as early death. If you're fat, you should lose weight because then your risk of getting these diseases and dying early will be reduced. But what if this wasn't true? What if this messaging had been established by people who own companies that manufacture weight loss products who sit on panels that advise international governmental entities like the World Health Organization? What if body fat was actually protective for your health? We dig into all these questions and more in this provocative interview. We'll continue this series with episodes looking specifically at sugar, as well as supporting parents who have or continue to struggle with disordered eating, and how to support children in developing eating habits that will serve them for a lifetime, not just get the vegetables into them today. Jump to highlights: (01:00) Introducing Dr. Lindo Bacon and starting our series of episodes on the intersection of parenting and food (02:22) Stripping the word ‘fat’ of it’s pejorative meaning and reclaiming the term while acknowledging that it may be jarring for some people (03:09) Kicking off the conversation with how we measure health using BMI and how it might not be accurate (05:03) The resistance to Katherine Flegal’s seminal research in weight and longevity (05:49) The development of the Body Mass Index was with scientific bias to fit the bell curve (07:30) Higher body weight does not necessarily mean a person has greater risk of poor health (10:59) We actually know that the research is highly exaggerated in terms on the role that it plays on health (13:16) Dr. Bacon’s turning point: When they found out that BMI recommendations were created by an organization funded by pharmaceutical companies who produce weight loss drugs and products (17:35) Taking the issue one step further with the American Medical Association’s recommendation whether to categorize obesity as a disease or not (19:19) The Obesity Paradox is an observation in the research that people who are obese who get the same diseases as those with ‘normal’ weight are living longer (21:15) The concept of dieting just doesn’t work according to the data (30:33) A story of Dr. Bacon’s and their father’s knee problems (34:40) Individual factors only accounts to 25% to somebody’s total health outcomes and social determinants account to about 60% (42:05) It is cool right now to be your authentic self but not everyone can so easily be their authentic self when their authentic selves are not valued by society at large (45:48) Improving the health of individuals is more communal than individual Resource Links: Health at Every Size, by...
	27 May 2024	214: Ask Alvin Anything: Part 2	01:05:30
Exploring Marriage, Autism, Race, and Parenting Together Want to know how my autism self-diagnosis has affected my relationship with my husband? (I will apologize to autistic listeners here as an ableist perspective is still something we're working on, and he also uses some outdated terminology probably from an old book he's started twice - but not yet finished - on supporting partners with Asperger's Syndrome.) Curious about whether he identifies as Filipino-American... or not? And how his perspective on race differs from mine? Want to hear how he sent a chicken up into space...and then found out what the two pink lines of a pregnancy test mean? Last year, when we were coming up on our 200th podcast episode, I asked my husband Alvin if he would be willing to record a podcast episode. I had envisioned listeners asking the questions and him answering - but he wanted me to join as well! One of the first things we learned was that Alvin cannot be succinct. (Well, technically speaking, this was not a new lesson for me - and interviewer Iris had tried really hard to prepare him for succinctness by asking for his 'elevator pitch' - but he just couldn't do it!) So we ended up cutting the episode when it was already over an hour and we hadn't covered half of the questions listeners had submitted...and interviewers Iris and Corrine graciously agreed to return for a Part 2. So here it is! Other episodes mentioned 175: I’ll be me; can you be you? 200: Ask Alvin Anything (Part 1!) Jump to Highlights 01:22Introducing this episode 04:28Alvin talks about how Jen's autism diagnosis helps their relationship while Jen shares how it helps in their daily life and parenting. 12:47Alvin and Jen talk about how they decided to become parents. 25:10Alvin discusses his upbringing in a predominantly White area, his evolving awareness of his Filipino heritage, and how his wife Jen's advocacy work has shaped his understanding of race and culture. 38:13Alvin talks about his journey from wanting to be seen as White to embracing his Filipino heritage and identifying as a Brown person. 46:32Alvin encourages dads to be actively involved in parenting, prioritize their partners, and be present in family life. 57:15Alvin and the hosts engage in a quickfire round of questions, discussing topics from parenting to personal preferences. 01:00:50Wrapping up
	09 Oct 2023	194: Regulating for the kids…and for your marriage	00:55:55
Do you ever feel triggered by your partner's behavior? (No? Just me? 😬) Many parents who join the Taming Your Triggers workshop sign up for help navigating their children's behavior...and then once they're inside they confess that their partner's behavior is even more triggering than their child's. As you might imagine, many of the participants in the Taming Your Triggers workshop are women. (Classic patriarchy at work: caregiving is women's work, and so is managing the emotional climate of the family, so why does a male partner in a cisgender, heterosexual relationship need to bother?) So I've been especially glad to see that more and more men are taking the workshop - and last time around we also had several couples participating together. Elizabeth and Marshall are physical therapists who travel and work to pay off their student loan debt. They had a three-year-old, and then became unexpectedly pregnant - with twins! Both Elizabeth and Marshall had fairly typical middle class childhoods...they had enough with out being rich, but underneath the veneer that 'everything's fine' lurked disconnection from parents, unexpressed anger, and mental illness - as well as the societal messages of getting out of debt and preparing for retirement. Elizabeth had no idea she had anger issues until she became a parent. Suddenly she felt both anger and shame about her anger, not understanding that the anger was wrapped up in her childhood. Since Elizabeth and Marshall have organized their entire lives around paying off their student loan debt, it was hard to commit to spending money on not just one but two enrollments in Taming Your Triggers. Up to that point, Elizabeth often felt she was the one doing the work and dragging Marshall along...but he saw how important this was to her, and went all-in alongside her. They've noticed profound shifts in their capacity to be with their children - as well as with each other. Elizabeth knows not just in her head but in her body that it's OK to be in uncomfortable situations and not fix everything immediately. She talked with her mom about a shame-filled situation from her childhood that Elizabeth thought she would "take to her grave" - and now the issue doesn't impact her anymore. Marshall is able to let go of problems that used to really bother him, and engages the children in using the concepts from the workshop. They can work through the challenges they're facing, both as a couple and as parents. Their now have the space for conversations about their parenting values, instead of just reacting to the latest emergency. Elizabeth wrote to me that it's taken a long time for her to realize that investing in parenting education is just as important as paying for good food. She's shifted her mindset by realizing that: If you're a man reading this, we'd love to see you in the workshop. You won't be alone, and we may be able to create a men-only discussion space for you. (I know it can be hard to talk about things like anger issues with women...
	29 Jan 2024	202: How to Heal from Adverse Childhood Experiences with Dr. Nadine Burke Harris and Jackie Thu-Huong Wong	00:54:00
My mom died when I was 10, and for a while people in our small village would look at my sister and me as if we were 'special' in some weird way. By the time I was a young adult that was just one of a stew of difficult experiences I'd had, and I also realized: my stuff is not special. By that age, most people are carrying around some kind of trauma. But so what? Does it matter? If our mental health is good enough, does it help to wallow around in all the stuff that's in the past? In this episode we talk with Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, who has pioneered the connections between these kinds of Adverse Childhood Experiences and medical care for children, as well as Jackie Thu-Huong Wong, Executive Director of First 5 California. We'll learn: What is an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE); How ACEs can influence not only our physical but our mental health as well; What we know about the protective effects of relationships with caring adults Dr. Burke Harris' opinions of the 'best' authoritative parenting style; A new feature in our episodes: mild, medium, and spicy options for parents who want to dip their toe into the water on this topic, or dive more deeply. Taming Your Triggers Still feeling uncertain about the impact of childhood experiences on your parenting journey? If you need more help, the Taming Your Triggers Workshop is here for you. Discover why you react strongly to your child's behavior, heal past hurts that trigger your feelings, and develop skills to understand and meet your needs-- AND your child's needs. Let's transform your parenting journey from frustration to confidence! Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Episode mentioned 148: Is spanking a child really so bad? Jump to Highlights 01:26 Introducing today’s topic and guests 04:20 Clarifying the concept of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and their origin 06:37 Discussing how Dr. Burke Harris’s research expanded the understanding of ACEs beyond family-focused indicators 10:05
	17 Jul 2023	188: How to learn way beyond ‘doing well in school’	00:42:57
When you listen to this episode you may get a bit of a sense of deja vu - way back in 2020, listener Kelly reached out to me and asked if I would be willing to do an episode on parental burnout, which she was struggling to navigate at the time. We ended up interviewing Dr. Moira Mikolajczak, one of the world's experts on parental burnout. After the conversation Dr. Mikolajczak expressed to me how much her heart went out to Kelly, who was navigating what seemed like an individual-level problem when it was actually very much our society's failure to support her that created the problem. Having explored the connection between race and parenting in a series of episodes the previous year, ideas were definitely percolating for me about how societal issues show up in our families which is, of course, a massive theme in my book. So it was so amazing to see Kelly recently in a much better place, reflecting on the connections between her school-based learning and her burnout, and how she's taking steps to help her child learn lessons she thinks are truly important, like how to: Think critically about messages she receives from other people; See multiple people's needs in an interaction, and find ways to meet both of their needs; Learn about the world immediately around her (which often involves Kelly backing off and not doing anything, rather than stepping in to teach a lesson). Kelly's children are certainly learning profound lessons in this process - but so is Kelly. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone so delighted to say that she's thrown out a puzzle book that still had three un-done puzzles in that she didn't want to do, having (finally) learned that it's OK not to finish every single thing you start. Because not being able to do that can lead to burnout. Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click the banner to learn more! Jump to Highlights 01:26 Introduction to today’s topic 02:02 Kelly talks about her family. 02:34 In the Netherlands, Kelly (who later discovered she had ADHD) attended a non-religious public school, enjoyed learning despite feeling out of place, and found ways to stay engaged. 06:32 Kelly’s burnout was influenced by her tendency to prioritize meeting teachers' expectations rather than pursuing genuine interest, the impact of ADHD on her learning experience, and the mismatch between her learning style and the educational system. 12:12 Before working with Jen, Kelly focused on academic subjects for her child's learning, while also recognizing learning in everyday experiences, but found it challenging to be at home with the children all...
	06 Mar 2023	179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu	01:06:50
If you're anything like me, navigating conflict comes pretty easily to you. You always know what to say to make your point in a tone that's firm but still inviting, right? You listen for the purpose of understanding the other person and don't just use the time while the other person is speaking to form your own rebuttal? You never get overwhelmed, and maintain your own sense of boundaries even when the discussion argument gets really heated? (Yeah, me either, really...) A few months ago I put out a request for folks who disagree with me on a social issue to let me know if they would be willing to come and discuss the topic with me on a podcast episode. I had just read Mónica Guzmán's book I Never Thought Of It That way, which concludes with an invitation to practice the tools she teaches about navigating conflict more effectively, and I thought: "Well, let's do it!" Mónica agreed to moderate a conversation and I put out a call for folks to participate... ...and let's just say that the silence was deafening. (And I was kind of disappointed. I mean, you all are a pretty opinionated bunch, right? And I KNOW some of you disagree with me about some things...) The one person who responded was parent Lulu, who wrote: "I do admit that I disagree with your recent focus on White privilege and how it seems to make its way into almost every episode. Yes, it’s something to be aware of, but I don’t want that awareness to drive many of my and my kids' decisions and conversations." Of course my first thought was "Well, you're wrong," but when I responded: "Tell me more!" she added that she sees topics like school, behavior, nutrition, empathy, and other factors as all more important than discussing White privilege on a regular basis. "Super," I said. "Let's talk." So we each prepared for the conversation using a framework described in Mónica's book, and as we were talking Mónica pointed out what we were doing well (and shockingly few things we weren't doing well) to build our mutual understanding. I think it's safe to say we both got more out of it than we had anticipated. We recorded it several weeks ago and I also recorded a postscript with some thoughts on the conversation as well as how we might apply the ideas we used in less structured situations we find ourselves in on a regular basis. This episode will help you to understand people who are important to you even when they have ideas that are very different from yours, and find common ground so you can work, play, and be together. Mónica Guzmán's book I Never Thought Of It That Way (Affiliate link) Jump to Highlights 01:01 Introducing today’s guest 02:39 This episode demonstrates using Monica's tools for productive conversations with differing views. 03:38 The 'conversation dial, EPACT, helps assess and enhance productive discussions by considering factors like full communication, equal platform footing, focused attention, contained conversations, and timing. 08:36 The conversation between Jen and Lulu is set to begin with a commitment to trust and exploring ideas in an open environment. They set the stage by discussing their objectives. 13:51 They engage in an eight-minute back-and-forth discussion, where they reflect on what they've learned about each other's...
	10 Jul 2023	187: What to do when my child says: “I’m booored!”?	01:00:53
Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere are in the middle of summer now, with the whirlwind of cobbled together childcare and kids at home saying: "I'm booored!". What's happening for them when they're saying this? And, more importantly, what should we DO about it? We don't want to have to entertain them, but what other option is there besides threatening chores? This episode will help you to answer their question during the summer months in a way that supports their wellbeing, and also address boredom that crops up at other points in the school year. Like when they're in school. Because while I approached this episode from the perspective of navigating summer holidays, it turns out that most researchers can't include the word "child" and "bored" in a study without also including the word "school." Learning Membership Do you want to turn your child’s interests into learning opportunities? The Learning Membership is here to help you. Make learning a fun adventure that not only strengthens your bond, but also nurtures your child’s intrinsic love of learning—an essential foundation for success in an AI-driven world. Get tools and strategies to support your child’s love of learning and future-proof their success in navigating whatever comes their way. No special skills needed—just a willingness to explore alongside them. All the usual stuff applies - sliding scale pricing, money back guarantee. Enrollment will open again soon. Click here to learn more! Jump to Highlights 00:59 Introduction to today’s topic 02:32 Dr. Peter Toohey's book explores various definitions of boredom, including one tied to predictable circumstances and another linked to existential despair. 04:16 The concept of boredom has evolved over time. 07:57 Boredom can be linked to dopamine levels in the brain. 10:45 Boredom is connected to negative outcomes and low dopamine activity, leading to depression, anxiety, addiction, and poor performance 13:51 Boredom in children, particularly in school, has negative consequences on academic outcomes and well-being 23:32 Exercising autonomy and pursuing assignments aligned with personal interest and relevance can foster intrinsic motivation and enhance student performance and well-being 29:53 The traditional school system prioritizes...
	11 Aug 2020	118: Are You Raising Materialistic Kids?	01:00:09
This episode on the topic of materialism concludes our series on the intersection of parenting and money. Here we talk with Dr. Susanna Opree of Erasmus University Rotterdam, who studies the effect of advertising and commercial media on use, materialism, and well-being. We discuss how children's understanding of materialism shifts as they age, the extent to which advertising contributes to materialism, and the specific role that parents play in passing on this value. Other episodes in this series: This episode is the second in a series on the intersection of parenting and money. You can find other episodes in this series: 038: The Opposite of Spoiled 105: How to pass on mental wealth to your child 107: The impact of consumerism on children 112: How to Set up a Play Room 115: Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Dr. Opree 00:00 Basically, if you want to reduce materialism, you need to make sure that's those human connections. And those other values such as generosity, that they are amplified. And so I think what works best if Why do you see young kids to invest in their self-esteem a little bit as well also for adolescence, but I think also teaching young people to be grateful to be grateful ourselves as well for all the things that we have. And really just focus on making those connections. And the tricky thing is that sometimes possessions enable these connections. But I think if we're more focused on what's intrinsic to us, what makes us happy, outside of possessions that then basically the emphasis will shift. Jen 00:52 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. And today's episode we're going to bring our series on the intersection of children and money to a conclusion we started out so long ago by talking with New York Times money columnist Ron Lieber about his book The Opposite of Spoiled. More recently we heard from Dr. Brad Klontz, about how we pass on money scripts to our children. And then we talked with Dr. Allison Pugh about the meaning children make out of the messages they receive about material goods. And then Dr. Esther Rozendaal on how children's brains process advertising. And in between we looked at what research there is on how to set up a playroom, which has of course many links with the items that we buy and use. And so finally, we're here today with Dr. Suzanna Opree to bring the discussion up to a level that kind of draws all this together as we try and understand what materialism is, and how we pass it on to our children and what we can do if we don't want our children...
	05 Feb 2024	Q&A#5: What really matters in parenting? Part 1	00:49:19
Listener Roberta submitted a question recently on YourParentingMojo.com/question: What does the research say are the decisions that really matter in parenting? That question immediately got my brain churning about what could be included, and how we would decide what to include, and how much of what's included could actually be research-based. The episode begins with a look at some of the major categories of factors that impact our children's development that we may not have as much control over, because we have to acknowledge these before we can look at what we do impact. Then I look at some of the things we do control but I think we can pretty safely stop worrying about them. The impact that each of these things has is likely to be so tiny as to individually meaningless. Finally, I count down my list of the top 5 things that I think impact children's development. This episode is for parents of children aged about 2 onwards. I think infants have some different needs, and I'm planning a separate episode on those later in the year. Taming Your Triggers Embark on a journey of deep healing and understanding with the Taming Your Triggers Workshop. Uncover the real reasons behind your reactions to your child's behavior and parent from a space of calm and confidence. By addressing triggers, we're not just leveling up our lives today; we're contributing to a cultural shift, ensuring all children receive the message: "Yes, you are lovable just as you are!" Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more.
	13 Feb 2022	149: How to set the boundaries you need	00:50:07
We’ve covered the topic of boundaries before, in our conversation with Xavier Dagba. In my work with parents, I see that an inability to set boundaries is a MAJOR cause of feeling triggered by our child’s behavior. When we snap at our child’s behavior, it often (not always, but often) comes somewhat later in the day. There’s a reason for that: it’s because we haven’t been able to set boundaries early in the day, so each time our child crosses where a boundary should have been, we get more and more irritated. Then finally we can’t take it any more - and after one last not-boundary crossing, we snap. (If you snap early in the day, I’d ask you to consider what boundaries were crossed for you the day (or many days) before, and whether you’re still feeling the effects of that?) So we’ve discussed this before, and yet…boundaries continue to be a struggle for almost all of the parents I meet. Why is this? We’ll get into that in this episode, which draws on Nedra Tawwab’s book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, and goes beyond it too. Nedra outlines nine reasons why we find setting boundaries so difficult, and I argue that’s because all nine are rooted in patriarchal ways of being in relationships. When we’ve been conditioned for decades that our role as women is not to seem rude or mean, to keep the peace at all costs, to make sure everyone else’s needs are taken care of before our own, and to have our power in a relationship come from taking care of others, is it any wonder that we go out into the world and have no idea how to even know we need a boundary, never mind how to set one? And secondly I argue that while we might need more boundaries between us and the people we love, that we have WAY TOO MANY boundaries between us and the people in our broader communities. That’s one big reason why we feel so stressed out all the time - because it seems like we are the only person that can meet our child’s every need, and that we have to do it all alone. I believe that by breaking these boundaries down we can make life a whole lot easier for ourselves by reducing the number of things we need to do (meal swap, anyone?), and by creating connection that helps us to feel nourished and whole. If you’re struggling with knowing how to identify and set boundaries, I’d like to invite you to join my Taming Your Triggers workshop. We’ll help you to identify your needs so you can work with your child to get these met and meet your child’s needs as well (and even though this might seem impossible right now, it actually is possible to meet both of your needs the vast majority of the time!). And on the relatively few times when it isn’t possible to meet both of your needs, you can set a boundary instead (which is different from a limit!). When you do this consistently, you can be more regulated more of the time, which means you won’t snap at your child as often as you do now.
	18 Oct 2020	122: Self-Compassion for Parents	01:05:20
In this episode, Dr. Susan Pollak helps us to apply mindfulness skills to our relationships with our children so we can parent in line with our values, rather than just reacting when our children push our buttons. You'll learn: What's the point of mindfulness, and does it matter if we bring our full attention and presence to diaper changes? Why we're so hard on ourselves, even when we always try to be kind to others Some concrete tools to use when you interact with your children TODAY in those moments when it seems like everything is falling apart. Dr. Pollak is a psychologist in private practice in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She is a long-time student of meditation and yoga who has been integrating the practices of meditation into psychotherapy since the 1980s. Dr. Pollak is cofounder and teacher at the Center for mindfulness and Compassion at Harvard Medical School and the Cambridge Health Alliance, and has just stepped down as President of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy, a position which she held since 2010. She also writes regularly for Psychology today on the topic of integrating mindfulness into daily life. Book mentioned in the episode: Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself (Affiliate link). Other episodes related to this topic: Parental Burn-Out No Self, No Problem Helping children to develop compassion Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting Mindfulness tools with Mindful Mama Hunter Clarke-Fields Some key points from the interview: (04:08) Many of us, present company included, we're not raised to be kind to ourselves. (10:47) Mindful self-compassion acknowledges that we need to start with mindfulness. (I've been teaching this course for over a decade, and I've seen that) a lot of people just can't start with compassion because it's foreign for most of us to treat ourselves kindly. (53:59) Allow yourself to rest for a moment feeling that you have distance from the storm, some space from the turbulence to recognize that you are not the storm. (paraphrased) (59:03) It's such a common misconception about mindfulness that you have to sit still and not think about anything. And, you know, people are relieved to know that [mindfulness] is not about stopping our thoughts. It's really about finding a different relationship with our thoughts. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen				10 Feb 2025	237: 8 reasons your child won’t tell you what’s wrong – and how to help	00:25:46
Struggling to get your child to open up? Discover 8 key reasons kids resist sharing their feelings—and actionable strategies to create real connection. Why Your Child Won’t Open Up—and What You Can Do As parents, we deeply want to support our children, but when we ask, “What’s wrong?” and get silence or resistance in return, it can feel frustrating and confusing. Why won’t they just tell us what’s going on? Whether your child is too young to articulate their emotions, brushes off your questions, or reacts with defiance, you’re not alone. In this episode of Your Parenting Mojo, we explore the real reasons children struggle to express their feelings and how we, as parents, might unintentionally make it harder for them to share. You’ll learn practical, connection-based strategies to shift these dynamics, helping your child feel safe enough to open up—without forcing the conversation. The episode builds on the ideas in my book Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World. Questions This Episode Will Answer: Why does my child shut down when I ask about their feelings? How can I encourage my child to express emotions—even if they can't or don't speak? Could how I talk to them make them less likely to share? How should I respond when they say, “I don’t care” or “Stop talking like that”? How can I build long-term trust so they confide in me more? What common parenting habits discourage open communication without us realizing it? What strategies can I use to make problem-solving conversations feel safe and collaborative? What You’ll Learn in This Episode 8 key reasons why kids resist sharing their emotions. How to recognize when your child wants to open up but doesn’t know how. The hidden impact of parenting focused on getting the child to behave correctly—and how to shift toward emotional connection. How to reframe conversations so your child knows you see, know, and love them for who they really are. Actionable tools to help your child feel safe expressing their emotions. Taming Your Triggers If you see that your relationship with your child isn’t where you want it to be because: you’re feeling triggered a lot by your kids’ behavior... they’re not willing to share how they’re feeling with you because they’re afraid of your reaction... they think you’ll just try to get THEM to change... ... then the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you. Sign up for...
	01 Nov 2020	123: Maternal Ambivalence: What it is, and what to do about it	00:53:01
Parenting brings unconditional love and fulfillment, but what happens when those feelings mix with frustration, exhaustion, and even regret? In this episode, I speak with Dr. Sarah LaChance Adams, expert in feminist philosophy and maternal ethics, to explore maternal ambivalence - those complex, conflicting emotions many parents experience but rarely discuss openly. Dr. Adams is the author of Mad mothers, bad mothers, and what a "Good" mother would do: The ethics of ambivalence. What Is Maternal Ambivalence? As Dr. LaChance Adams explains, drawing from Adrienne Rich's heartbreaking and beautiful description: "Maternal ambivalence is having extreme emotional conflict in one's feelings towards one's children - dealing with intense love and sometimes intense hate, the needs to be very intimate and close to one's children, but also to have a sense that one needs distance." This complex experience involves both wanting to be near your child and sometimes feeling an urgent need to "get as far as one can from one's child." What makes maternal ambivalence particularly complicated is that it's not just about feelings toward a separate being. There's also a profound sense of self-estrangement because mothers often feel their children are integral to their own identity. As Dr. LaChance Adams notes, "In this sense of struggle, she's also in a struggle with herself and who she feels she is most intimately and deeply." This episode builds on our recent conversations with Dr. Moira Mikolajczak on Parental Burnout and with Dr. Susan Pollak on Self-Compassion, exploring how we can love our children dearly while feeling torn between that love and our parental role that often requires putting our own needs aside. Questions this episode will answer Is it normal to feel love and resentment toward my child at the same time? The podcast breaks down what maternal ambivalence means. It's a back-and-forth feeling between deep love and occasional resentment that many mothers feel but rarely talk about. Dr. LaChance Adams explains why these opposite feelings happen together and why they're a normal part of being a parent. You'll also learn how accepting these feelings might make your relationship with your child stronger. How do gender, race, and socioeconomic status shape the experience of maternal ambivalence? The episode looks at how maternal ambivalence might be different based on your background. It questions whether this is mainly "a middle-class, white phenomenon." We explore Bell Hooks' view that motherhood wasn't seen as the main obstacle for Black women historically. These mixed feelings may show up differently across racial and economic groups. How does societal pressure shape maternal ambivalence? The episode explains why our society makes these mixed feelings seem shameful instead of normal. Speaking up about them could change how you parent. What role do cultural expectations and intensive parenting play in shaping parental guilt?We discuss how society's view of total motherly devotion can become "twisted" and hurt both mothers and children. Modern parenting culture expects mothers to always put their children first, at the cost of their own identity. Listen to understand why you might feel guilty and what you can do about it. How can parents navigate these conflicting emotions in a healthy way? The episode provides both big-picture and personal strategies for dealing with maternal ambivalence. We build on earlier episodes about parental burnout and self-compassion. Discover practical ways to accept all your parenting feelings...
	10 Feb 2020	105: How to pass on mental wealth to your child	00:54:11
Think about your parents. Now think about money. What kinds of ideas, images, and feelings come to mind? Do you recall any discussions about money - or were these hidden from you? Was there always enough to go around - or were you ever-conscious of its absence? What little incidents do you recall that ended up becoming defining 'money scripts' of your life? Perhaps it won't be a shock to learn that just as we learned how to raise children from our parents, we also learned how to think about money from them. And as we will raise our children the way we were raised unless we choose a different path, we will also pass on our ideas about money - unless we decide differently. Today we hear from Dr. Brad Klontz, co-author of the book Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health (Affiliate link), who helps us to think through the money scripts we want to pass on to our children - and how to adjust course if we decide we need to do this. Find more information from Dr. Klontz on his YouTube channel. Other episodes in this series This episode is the first in a series on the intersection of parenting and money. You can find other episodes in this series: 038: The Opposite of Spoiled 107: The impact of consumerism on children 112: How to Set up a Play Room 115: Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children 118: Are You Raising Materialistic Kids? [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen: 01:36 Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today's episode kicks off what I'm hoping is at least going to be a miniseries on issues related to money and economic privilege, although I'm still in the process of figuring out exactly where we're going with this. So, quite a long time ago now, we talked with New York Times columnist, Ron Lieber about money and we got a high level overview of some of the problems we can face when we're thinking about how to talk with children about money. So, things like from what information to give at what age and what to do when your child nags you to buy something that they want at a store. But a friend recommended that I read the book that our guest today co-wrote with his father. His father is Dr.Ted Klontz and the book is called Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health. So our guests, Dr. Brad Klontz holds a Doctorate in Psychology. He's a certified financial planner. He co-founded the Financial Psychology Institute and he's an Associate Professor of Practice in Financial Psychology at Creighton University Heider College of Business. So, we're here today to take our conversation on money to the next level by thinking through how our own relationship with money will impact our children's relationship with money. Welcome, Dr. Klontz. Dr....
	08 May 2021	136: Mother’s Day Momifesto	00:47:27
We've been in a liminal space for the last 15 months or so, since COVID shutdowns. (The word 'liminal' comes from the Latin root limen, meaning threshold). It’s a place where a certain part of our lives has come to an end but the next thing hasn’t yet begun, so we’re in a transitional state. We're finally starting to see the end of this liminal state but before we can fully emerge into the new world, we need to ask ourselves: what do we want that world to be like? Do we want to go back to what it was before? Because the world we had before wasn't working for a lot of parents. We were constantly rushing our children around from one activity to the next, maybe also trying to balance a career at the same time, attending thirty kids' birthday parties a year and just feeling completely spent, most of the time. If we don't take the time to think about what we want life to be like when we reopen, chances are it'll look pretty much like it used to. And that can seem safe! It's always safer and easier to go back to what we know, rather than forward to what is unknown and scary. What would something different even look like? Maybe we would have fewer friends, whom we know much better. Maybe we would do fewer activities, and spend a bit more time being, rather than always doing. Maybe we would actually support families financially instead of having a 'families are the bedrock of our society...but you're on your own to provide for it' approach. In this Mother's Day Momifesto, I explore all of these issues, and encourage you to think about how YOU want to be in this new world. And if you need help figuring it out, the Parenting Membership is here to help. We'll support you through the challenges of today (how to prevent tantrums! raising healthy eaters! navigating screen time!) while keeping an eye on where we want to go. Because you need both. Join the waitlist to get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: 01:27 The Mother's Day Momifesto 02:04 COVID shutdown 04:28 School reopenings 07:04 18% of women in the US have taken antidepressants 09:29 We try to control our bodies in a variety of ways 12:27 Success is defined for men 19:38 Women working communities 20:25 Plenty of parents and children's needs are not met by the school system 22:47 Intersectionality - the idea that different parts of our identities intersect 25:10 Public transit systems are geared around men 26:17 Contribution of scientific research on COVID 19- women scientists have published 19% fewer papers as lead author 29:26 Standard Body Mass Index calculations are based on the weight of White people 31:41 Nonviolent Communication 34:06 How we can begin to make a difference 44:55 Learning how to meet our own needs is a great place to start 46:44 Reopening of your Parenting Membership will close on the midnight of May 12 [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen...
	04 Apr 2022	SYPM 020: Preparing for the afterbirth with Renee Reina	00:43:37
I don’t know about you, but I spent a LOT of time thinking about my birth plan before Carys was born. I mean, that thing went through multiple iterations as I read new books about the birth process and thought about what I wanted mine to be like. And I got lucky; we didn’t stray too far from the plan (except that that whole ‘urge to push’ thing? Well I never felt that. It seemed like she was quite happy where she was. Perhaps that explains why she enjoys being wrapped in fluffy blankets so much?) So I put all this effort into what the Big Day would be like, and practically zero into what life would be like afterward. I mean, we got the nursery ready without realizing that she wasn’t going to spend any time in it at all for the first three months. And the whole visitors thing - well that didn’t even cross my mind. I guess I just assumed that people would come and visit, because that’s what people do after you have a baby. But most of the time I didn’t want visitors! I spent a good chunk of the first 10 days in tears. (In fact my husband and I had a mini-celebration at bedtime on the 10th day because it was the first time I hadn’t cried since she was born.) Sometimes I was able to get dressed and greet people…other times I was curled up in bed crying while my husband did the entertaining. The idea of saying “no visitors yet please” simply didn’t cross my mind. That’s what we discuss in today’s episode with Renee Reina of The Mom Room. She was lucky enough to have her Mom living close by when she had her baby, who became her gatekeeper - friends and family would check in with Renee’s Mom before coming over. Renee was able to create the calm, peaceful environment at home that she wanted to bring baby into - and re-engage with the world on her own terms, when she was ready. In this episode we talk about how to make those early days of motherhood work for you and your family - no matter what social conventions say are the right things to do. Those first weeks at home may be the hardest you’ll ever experience If you’re expecting a baby or have one under the age of one, the Right From The Start course is here to help. I run it with the amazing Hannah and Kelty of Upbringing, who bring a whole lot of expertise and training on respectful parenting, along with expertise on raising siblings and ‘spirited’ children, in addition to the scientific research on these topics that you expect from me. In the course we’ll give you concrete strategies to: Get the essential sleep you (all) need Create a secure attachment & navigate big feelings Support gross motor development & independent play (freeing up time for you!) Prepare for and thrive with siblings And so much more! Parents who have taken the course tell us that there’s nothing else like it available: this is the only course that helps you support baby’s development, while holding your needs as equally important, and helping you to meet these as well. Click the image to learn more about Right From The Start. Jump to highlights
	14 Apr 2025	242: The secret to having feedback conversations your family will actually hear	01:04:28
Have you ever shared an observation with your partner or child, only to watch them immediately become defensive or shut down? You meant well, but somehow your words landed as criticism instead of the helpful insight you intended. In this episode, we explore The Feedback Process framework with Joellen Killion, examining how we can transform our family communications. When we participate in the feedback process effectively, we create conversations that family members can actually hear—conversations that lead to lasting positive change rather than defensiveness and resistance. Questions this episode will answer Why do our attempts to share observations with family members often lead to defensiveness? What's the difference between criticism and participating in the feedback process? How can we frame our observations so they're received as helpful rather than hurtful? What specific language patterns help family members stay open to what we're sharing? How can we create feedback conversations that strengthen relationships instead of damaging them? How does shifting from "waiting to respond" to "truly listening" transform the entire feedback dynamic? How can we teach children to participate in the feedback process constructively? What you'll learn in this episode The key components of The Feedback Process framework and how they transform family communications Practical techniques to share observations without triggering defensiveness in your partner or children Specific language patterns that help feedback recipients stay open to what you're sharing How to recognize when feedback isn't being received and what to do about it The crucial difference between criticism and constructive feedback Ways to create a family culture where feedback strengthens relationships rather than damaging them How participating in the feedback process builds emotional intelligence in children Practical examples of transforming common family conflicts through effective feedback conversations This episode provides practical tools to break cycles of criticism and defensiveness, creating space for authentic communication that leads to positive change in your family relationships. Joellen Killion's book The Feedback Process (Affiliate link) Other episodes mentioned 212: How to make the sustainable change you want to see in your family 209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 102: From confusion and conflict to confident...
	03 Oct 2021	145: How to Sugarproof your kids with Dr. Michael Goran	00:52:47
Sugar has a bad name these days - much like fat did back in the 1990s. "Research shows" that it's addictive...that it shrinks your brain...that it's likely to lead to all kinds of health problems. But will it really? I interviewed Dr. Michael Goran, author of the recent book Sugarproof: The Hidden Dangers of Sugar that are Putting Your Child’s Health at Risk and What You Can Do. This is a pretty alarming title, and I was interested to dig into the research behind the book as a continuation of our exploration of topics related to parenting and food. It turns out that yes, there’s a lot of research on this topic. And a lot of it supports the idea that sugar may be harmful to children...but the case wasn't nearly as clear-cut as I'd imagined it would be. In this episode we discuss the research on which the book is based, and what practical steps parents can take to reduce their child's sugar intake if they decide they want to do that. Jump to highlights 01:01 Introduction of episode 03:50 Children's preference for sugary foods 08:27 How does fructose differ from glucose and other forms of sugar that humans ingest and where can we find it 12:46 What is the effect of fructose on our body 16:04 Why Dr. Goran would recommend dried fruit as a sweetener when we see fructose should be less consumed off 18:19 How children respond acutely to different types of meals 21:53 Where can we truly understand children's behavior after they've consumed sugar and low-calorie sweeteners and no sweetener at all 38:20 A Big source of added sugar is in liquid form 39:52 Dr. Goran's breakfast experiment 43:12 Why does Dr. Goran recommend less intake of carbohydrates 46:31 Overall message to parents about the episode Dr. Michael Goran's Book: Sugarproof: Protect Your Family from the Hidden Dangers of Excess Sugar with Simple Everyday Fixes (Affiliate link). [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen Lumanlan 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a free guide called 13 reasons why your child won't listen to you and what to do about each one, just head over to yourparentingmojo.com/subscribe. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen Lumanlan 01:00 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we're continuing our series of episodes at the intersection of parenting and food with a topic that I know many parents have been eagerly awaiting. We're going to do a deep dive into the research on how sugar impacts our children. And so my guest today Dr. Michael Gordon is a Professor of Pediatrics at the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, which is affiliated with the Keck School of Medicine at the University of Southern California. He's program Director for diabetes and obesity at the southern Research Institute and he holds the Dr. Robert C and Veronica Atkins endowed chair on childhood obesity and diabetes. Dr. Goran also serves as co-director of the USC diabetes and obesity research institute and he published over 350 peer reviewed articles and reviews. And as editor of the...
	05 Dec 2021	RE-RELEASE: Parenting beyond pink and blue with Dr. Christia Brown	00:51:25
Today I join forces with Malaika Dower of the How to Get Away with Parenting podcast to interview Dr. Christia Brown, who is a Professor of Developmental and Social Psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies the development of gender identity and children’s experience of gender discrimination. Dr. Brown’s book, Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue (Affiliate link), helps parents to really understand the scientific research around gender differences in children, which is a harder task than with some other topics because there’s just a lot of bad research out there on this one. I ask about theories of gender development while Malaika keeps us grounded with questions about how this stuff works in the real world, and we both resolve to shift our behavior toward our daughters just a little bit. Related Episodes Interview with Yarrow Dunham on how social groups form Interview with Kang Lee on children’s lying (yep – your kid does it too!) References Brown, C.S. (2014). Parenting beyond pink and blue. Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press. (Affiliate link) Taylor, M.G., Rhodes, M., & Gelman, S.A. (2009). Boys will be boys and cows will be cows: Children’s essentialist reasoning about gender categories and animal species. Child Development 80(2), 461-481. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01272.x
	25 Jul 2021	141: The Body Keeps The Score with Dr. Bessel van der Kolk	00:47:12
How does trauma affect us? Yes, we feel it in our brains - we get scared, frustrated, and angry - often for reasons we don’t fully understand. But even if our brains have managed to cover up the trauma; to paper a veneer over it so everything seems fine, that doesn’t mean everything actually is fine - because as our guest in this episode, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says: The Body Keeps The Score. What he means is that the effects of the trauma you’ve experienced don’t just go away, and can’t just be papered over. Your body will still hold the evidence in tension, headaches, irritability (of minds and bowels), insomnia...and all of this may come out when your child does something you wish they wouldn’t. Perhaps it’s something your parent always used to resent doing, and made it super clear to you every time they did it for you. Perhaps it was something you did as a child and were punished for doing (maybe you were even hit for it...your body is literally remembering this trauma when your child reproduces the behavior). Lack of manners, talking back, making a mess, not doing as you were told, being silly...even if logically you now know that these are relatively small things, when your child does them it brings back your body’s memories of what happened to you. Dr. van der Kolk helps us to understand more about how this shows up for us. Sometimes understanding can be really helpful. But sometimes you also need new tools, and support as you learn them, and accountability. If you’re struggling with your reactions to your child’s difficult behavior - whether you’re going into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, the Taming Your Triggers workshop can help. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Dr. van der Kolk's Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Affiliate link). Jump to highlights: (01:00) Introducing Dr. van der Kolk (01:58) Invitation to the Taming Your Triggers Workshop (02:56) A note on some technical difficulties we had while recording this episode (03:14) People often want easy answers: Talking about why we feel like we need pills and alcohol to deal with trauma and not make use of other methods which seem more beneficial (08:16) "We become who we are based on the experiences we had and...
	13 Apr 2020	110: How to Dismantle Patriarchy Through Parenting	00:58:59
We began this mini-series a few weeks ago as listener Brian Stout and I co-interviewed Dr. Carol Gilligan as an introduction to the topic of patriarchy, how it is present in every aspect of raising our children, and the negative impacts it has on our children's lives - both on boys and girls. The interview with Dr. Gilligan laid the groundwork for us, and in this episode Brian and I are back for a conversation about what we learned and what implications this has for the way we will raise our children. We discuss: Why Brian, a cisgendered, heterosexual White male - an apparent beneficiary of patriarchal systems - is so interested in dismantling it Some of the specific ways we parents perpetuate patriarchy through our parenting, even if we don't realize we're doing it! Why 'masculine' qualities like logic are prized over 'feminine' qualities like understanding the physical experience of the body and recognizing emotions (and why it's ridiculous that these qualities are gendered in the first place) How patriarchy hurts men (mentally, emotionally, and physically) as well as women Brian's top four conclusions and actions to take to begin the work of dismantling patriarchy in our own families (and, by extension, in society more broadly) Resources mentioned in this episode (as well as additional resources that Brian and/or I recommend): Brian's newsletters on why patriarchy persists: Part 1, Part 2 (Subscribe to receive parts 3 and 4 when they're released!); here's the "two heads" masculine and feminine energies image Brian's blog post on Raising Thriving Children: Parenting Beyond Power List of Gottman-trained therapists
	07 Oct 2024	226: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1	00:50:24
Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett Have you ever wondered where our emotions come from? Do you think that if you look at a person’s face, you can have a pretty good idea of how they’re feeling? But at the same time, do your child’s feelings seem mysterious to you, like you can’t figure them out? Listener Akiko introduced me to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's theory of where our emotions come from, and I found it fascinating. It presents compelling evidence that the ways we've thought about emotions up to now may be entirely wrong. We might think we can match a specific arrangement of facial features (like a scowl) with a particular emotion (like anger), but not everyone scowls when they're angry and people also scowl when they aren't angry. We tend to infer characteristics about our child from things like their tone, so we might hear a 'snarky' tone and think: "My child doesn't respect me," when actually they're feeling hurt because their need for consideration hasn't been met. And sometimes there isn't a deep psychological reason why they're having big emotions...sometimes it's a challenge in balancing what Dr. Barrett calls their 'body budget' (and some of our big emotions come from challenges in balancing our body budgets as well). Dr. Barrett is the author of over 275 peer-reviewed articles on the topic of emotions and is among the top 0.1% of cited scientists in the world, so it was a real honor to speak with her about how our emotions are made...and what this means for: How we make meaning out of our emotions (which is critical to understanding the trauma we've experienced) How we talk with kids about emotions ("You hit Johnny and now he's feeling sad" might not be the best way to do this); What to do with big emotional expressions that seem to 'come out of nowhere' - which actually happens fairly rarely. This episode opens with me defining Dr. Barrett's theory of emotions so we didn't have to waste 20 minutes of our precious hour together to do that. I also wanted to share my thoughts on the implications of these ideas for our families and the episode would have been too long so I split it in half. In this episode you'll hear the introduction to the theory, half of the conversation with Dr. Barrett, and my thoughts on what we've heard so far. In an upcoming episode we'll hear the second half of the interview as well as my overarching take-aways from across the two episodes. And just a reminder that if you're having your own big emotional reactions in response to your child's difficult (but age-appropriate) behavior, there are real reasons for that. We discuss meaning-making in the conversation with Dr. Barrett: in the Taming Your Triggers workshop we focus heavily on making meaning out of your experience. Whether you've experienced trauma and need help seeing the connections between your experiences and your triggered feelings towards your children, or if you need help with your body budgeting today, in Taming Your Triggers we'll help you to: Feel triggered less often; Find ways to meet your needs - and your child's needs - on a much more regular basis; Learn how to repair effectively with your child on the (far fewer!) occasions when things didn't go the way you would have hoped. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Dr. Lisa Feldman...
	20 Feb 2022	SYPM 019: Why are you always so angry?	00:50:26
One day Iris took her daughter to the park, with enough snacks with for both of them. When Iris got hungry, she asked her daughter to share some of the food - but her daughter refused. Iris knows that hunger is a factor that dramatically narrows her Window of Tolerance and makes it more likely that she’ll snap at her child’s behavior, so she asked again for food and again her daughter refused. Then out of nowhere a crow swooped down and tried to steal some of the food, causing the whole lot to fall on the ground - and Iris exploded. She was so angry that she felt a hot energy coming from her gut, and her daughter is standing in the park with tears flooding down her face, because Iris yelled at her. And then, of course, the guilt and shame spiral begins: “What am I doing? Why am I so angry? And why can’t I stop?” Now, Iris is in a very different place. She’s not perfect, of course - none of us are. But even Iris, the raised-Catholic-and-prone-to-unworthiness-and-guilt-tripping specialist, has found a different path. She no longer has to convince herself that she’s worthy of having her needs met - she knows she is, and she holds her own needs with equal care as her daughter’s needs. Because her needs are met on a regular basis, she’s able to respond to her daughter’s age-appropriate difficult behavior with compassion and empathy. And because she’s able to do this most of the time, she doesn’t need to get into the guilt and shame spiral nearly as often. (And on the few occasions when it does still happen, she knows how to treat herself with compassion as well, instead of beating herself up for screwing up.) Do you want to make this kind of shift in your own life? Do you often feel triggered by your child’s behavior? My Taming Your Triggers workshop, which has helped thousands of parents to not just remember a new script for the difficult moments, but to truly take on a new way of being in their relationships with their children - just like Iris has done. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. Jump to highlights 01:43 Introduction about the guest 08:00 Iris’ childhood impression 15:15 What...
	15 Aug 2021	142: Division of Responsibility with Ellyn Satter	00:56:45
Do you worry that your child isn't eating enough...or is eating too much? Do you wish they would eat a more balanced diet...but don't want to be the Vegetable Police? Do you find yourself in constant negotiations over your child's favorite snacks? You're not alone! Join me for a conversation with Ellyn Satter MS, MSSW, author of many books including Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense. Ms. Satter developed the approach to feeding children that's known as Division of Responsibility, which means that the parent is responsible for the what, when, and where of eating, and the child is responsible for whether and how much. It all sounds pretty simple, but when you're actually navigating eating with your child it can seem a whole lot more complicated: Should we worry about our child's eating in the long term if they won't eat vegetables now? Should we restrict access to children's food? What should we do about picky eating? Ms. Satter helps us to understand her ideas on these important questions and much more. In the conversation we discussed some questions that you can answer to identify whether you are what Ms. Satter defines as Eating Competent: Do you agree or disagree with these statements? I enjoy food and I am comfortable with my enjoyment of food and I take an interest in unfamiliar food. I eat as much as I am hungry for. I plan for feeding myself. Agreeing with these statements indicates you are likely Eating Competent. Disagreeing means you are missing out on eating as one of life’s great pleasures and putting up with a lot of unnecessary misery. Do you have to be miserable to eat well and be healthy? Not at all. People who are Eating Competent eat better and are healthier: they weigh less, have better medical tests, and function better, emotionally and socially. Ellyn Satter's Books: Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much (Affiliate links). References Chang, S. (2019, December 4). Back to basics: All about MyPlate food groups. U.S. Department of Agriculture. Retrieved from https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/09/26/back-basics-all-about-myplate-food-groups Cooke, L.J., Wardle, J., Gibson, E.L., Sapochnik, M., Sheiham, A., & Lawson, M. (2003). Demographic, familial and trait predictors of fruit and vegetable consumption by pre-school children. Public Health Nutrition 7(2), 295-302. Curtin, S.C. (2019). Trends in...
	24 Oct 2022	170: How to stop procrastinating with Dr. Fuschia Sirois	00:54:44
In this episode, we explore procrastination—why it happens, its effects on our well-being, and practical solutions. Whether you struggle with putting things off, worry about your child developing this habit, or just want to understand the psychology behind it, this episode delivers valuable insights. Our guest, Dr. Fuschia Sirois from Durham University, brings over 20 years of research on procrastination to our conversation. She reveals the emotional foundations of procrastination and offers practical strategies for both parents and children. Dr. Sirois is the author of Procrastination: What it is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it. What is Procrastination? Not all delays qualify as procrastination. Dr. Sirois defines it as unnecessarily and voluntarily delaying a task we intend to complete—despite knowing the negative consequences. This behavior stems from self-regulation challenges, where emotions like anxiety or fear of failure lead us to avoid important tasks. Our culture says that people procrastinate because they're disorganized and lazy. After all, how hard can it really be to do a task you've committed to doing, and one that you even know will benefit you?! But I learned through this episode that procrastination isn't about disorganization or laziness at all – it's much more about managing how we feel about tasks – and we can learn how to do this more effectively. Those of us who don't struggle with procrastination can also do quite a bit to support the folks who do, to make it easier for them to get stuck in and be successful at the task. Questions this episode will answer What distinguishes procrastination from simple delay? Procrastination isn't just delaying tasks – it's specifically postponing despite knowing negative consequences will follow. True procrastination involves three key elements: We delay starting or completing important tasks We recognize this delay will worsen our situation We choose immediate comfort over long-term goals Strategic delay can be beneficial, but procrastination behaviors undermine our intentions and increase stress levels. How prevalent is procrastination? Procrastination statistics show this habit affects millions. Approximately 20% of adults identify as chronic procrastinators. Among college students, the numbers climb dramatically: 80-95% procrastinate regularly on assignments 75% consider themselves procrastinators These numbers reveal procrastination isn't a personal flaw but a widespread psychological challenge many people struggle with daily. What impact does procrastination have on our health? Chronic procrastination harms both physical and mental wellbeing. Research links procrastination habits to: Increased headaches, insomnia, and digestive problems More frequent colds and infections due to weakened immunity Higher anxiety, persistent worry, and shame Greater risk of depression symptoms Procrastination can worsen existing health conditions by delaying important medical care and prevention strategies. How do emotions influence procrastination? Procrastination psychology reveals it's primarily about managing feelings, not time. We delay to avoid negative emotions that tasks trigger, including: Anxiety about potential failure Frustration with difficult requirements Boredom with mundane aspects Self-doubt about our abilities This emotional avoidance creates a cycle where procrastination becomes our coping strategy, followed by guilt that makes future procrastination more likely. ...
	15 Apr 2024	209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner	00:48:45
Do you ever fight with your partner? Do you ever fight with your partner about parenting? (Pretty much all of the couples I work with do both of those things.) And these arguments tend to follow a pretty well-defined formula: Child misbehaves. Parent A gets overwhelmed, criticizes the child and snaps at Partner B for not doing more to help. Parent B and says that clearly Parent A's 'better parenting approach' isn't working, since the kids are still misbehaving - this is contempt. Parent A knows they don't want to parent the way they were raised, and also knows they aren't doing things totally in alignment with their values right now. Parent A has done a lot of work to try to heal themselves, but worries that it isn't happening fast enough to protect their children. And isn't it better than the bribing and punishing that Parent B is doing? They're being defensive. Parent B stonewalls - they are overwhelmed and shuts down, refusing to talk about the issue. Both partners walk away feeling frustrated, wonder how on earth it got to this point, and feel hopeless that it will ever improve. If your fights look like this, I'm here to let you know that there is hope! Last year I did Levels 1 and 2 (of 3 levels) of Gottman Method training. The Gottman Method is basically the only evidence-based framework for couple's therapy. Drs. John & Julie Gottman describe the main ways they see couples struggle in their communication, and named them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - you saw all of them in the example above. How many of the Horsemen show up in your fights? (Criticism is almost always the first Horseman to arrive. Interrupt that, and you can communicate in entirely different ways.) If you wish there was a better way to communicate about these challenging issues with your partner so you could actually get on the same page and parent as a team, today's episode will show you how to do that. You'll see a couple, Dee and Jono, who usually walk away from each other in frustration after they discuss their roles in the family. In this conversation they use very different tools. We didn't completely resolve the issue, but they kept going with the conversation by themselves and gave me permission to also share Dee's report of what happened after the call - which was really magical! Learn more about how you can avoid using The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and what tools to use instead so you can actually discuss these kinds of difficult topics with your partner. It's really hard to learn these kinds of communication skills on your own. I'd actually read one of the Gottmans' books but didn't really see how to apply the ideas in my own relationship until I did their four-day training. During the training I realized that they use basically the same set of tools I use to help parents with their children's behavior, but with a couple of key weaknesses. So I recruited couples from the Parenting Membership and created a series of demo videos so you can learn the skills and see couples practicing them. There are cheat sheets, starter scripts, and quizzes to help you identify the Four Horsemen in real couples' arguments. Couples who have used these tools report not just that they're able to address their disagreements more easily, but they're having fewer squabbles in the first place because things just seem to 'flow' in a way they hadn't before. I'll coach you (live!) on how to use the tools with your own partner in the Parenting Membership. Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image...
	10 Oct 2022	169: How to take care of yourself first with Liann Jensen	00:52:43
Liann did not have an easy entry into motherhood. Her first child’s birth was pretty traumatic; it was followed by a miscarriage and then very quickly by another pregnancy. And then by COVID. She was already overwhelmed and then everyone was isolated…and suddenly Liann had a whole lot of anger that she hadn’t seen before. She didn’t think things could be more difficult than they were in the immediate postpartum period…and then they were. Her toddler, Hewitt, resented the new baby: Liann would be sitting on the couch nursing the baby and Hewitt is rolling on the floor shouting “NO BABY! NO BABY!” Transitions weren’t a problem before, but now they couldn’t make it out the door to go anywhere. Liann doesn’t deny that she was looking for a quick fix. She wanted Hewitt’s difficult behavior to stop, so she could stop feeling so freaking angry. She listened to a few of my podcast episodes and realized that she had no self-compassion. She saw that she could be compassionate toward other people in her life, but she was unable to extend that compassion to herself (and I know she’s not alone here: this is incredibly common among the parents I work with). Every time one of her children had a meltdown it felt like a personal attack on her worth as a person. It wasn’t a linear path for Liann to see things differently; she initially doubted that the new tools she was learning would be useful. She was out on a hike with them when they started whining and she realized they were tired and hungry…and so was she…but how did that help? Then she started to believe that things could be different; that there could be another way. She stopped taking everything so personally, which created space for her to be able to see what her children were asking for, instead of seeing their expression of needs as an attack on her for not having anticipated and met them already. And she also started to understand her own needs, and how she could meet these in ways that might seem unconventional, and that wouldn’t work for everyone, but they worked for her. And that’s the important thing: it doesn’t matter whether the solution they came up with would work for anyone else, just like the solutions that will work for you and your child might not work for anyone else. What matters is that they work for the two of you. Hear what the solution was that worked for Liann and her son after he’d been demanding that she put him to bed and nobody else - as well as how she’s learned to ask for and accept help from friends, and how she’s no longer fazed by a baby who has covered every inch of themselves and their crib with poop. Liann experienced a number of non-cognitive shifts as she went through the Taming Your Triggers workshop, which is where you don’t just believe something different to be true in your head, but that you take it on in your entire body as well. At that point you no longer have to constantly remind yourself about what you’re supposed to do in difficult moments, because the knowledge isn’t just in your head - it’s in your body as well. Then it becomes part of the fabric of how you live your life with your child. We can’t know when and how these will happen, but I will say that almost everyone I’ve seen really apply themselves in...
	27 Apr 2020	111: Parental Burn Out	01:02:52
Do you often feel anxious or irritated, especially when you're around your child? Do you often feel like you might snap, perhaps even threatening violence if they don't do what you say? Are you so disconnected from them that you sometimes consider walking out and never coming back? If you have, it's possible that you're suffering from parental burnout. Listener Kelly reached out to me recently because she has been diagnosed with parental burnout and wanted to know what research is available on this topic, and on how to protect her two-year-old from its impacts. We did some searching around in the literature and it actually didn't take long to turn up the preeminent researchers in the field who actually work as a team and one of whom - Dr. Moira Mikolajczak, kindly agreed to talk with us. We learned about the warning signs to watch out for that indicate that you might be suffering from parental burnout, and what to do about it if you are. We ran a bit over time at the end of the episode and I wasn't able to ask about whether self-compassion might be a useful tool for coping with parental burnout but Dr. Mikolajczak and I emailed afterward and she agreed that it is - I'm hoping to do an episode on self-compassion in the future. More information on Dr. Mikolajczak's work on parental burnout can be found at https://www.burnoutparental.com/ The Parental Burnout Assessment, available in French and English, can be found here: https://en.burnoutparental.com/suis-je-en-burnout Taming Your Triggers If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, Taming Your Triggers workshop is now open. We’ll help you to: Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 01:45 So let's meet the people we're talking with today. First up is listener Kelly, who is enrolled in the Taming Your Triggers workshop and who reached out to us whether I'd be interested in doing this episode on Burnout since she's been experiencing it for several months. Kelly is a postdoctoral researcher in the health field in the Netherlands and wanted to know more about how her experience of burnout is impacting her daughter. After we found the leading researchers on this topic, Kelly graciously agreed to join me as a co-interviewer even though she's an introvert like me and is a little bit nervous about doing it. Welcome, Kelly. ...

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Sustainable Family Change: Parenting Framework for Lasting Results

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