What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms (Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson)

This week we're talking about all the little things that trip us up, confuse us daily, and that we will never, no matter how much we try, get right. Will we ever ask for directions and then listen to the answer? Will we ever remember which side is the bread plate and which side is the water glass? Will we ever mail the birthday card BEFORE the birthdate? Will we ever receive an incoming call, look at the options, and not panic? Probably not. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.  The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Dermafacs provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell. Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh. Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.  Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.  Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!  MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial! Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Cognitive biases are self-deceptive thought patterns we all use to make sense of the world. In a world that makes less and less sense, Amanda Montell argues, humans have become more irrational than ever. In her new book THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING, Montell explains how our brains' coping mechanisms have become overloaded—and how to slow down our panic responses when the world becomes too overwhelming. Amanda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How magical overthinking has manifested from the modern age of mass information overload and an epidemic of loneliness The types of cognitive biases that comprise magical overthinking, such as the sunk cost fallacy, the halo effect, and proportionality bias Strategies to combat the negative effects of magical overthinking Here's where you can find Amanda: https://amandamontell.com/ @amanda_montell on IG Buy THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668007976 Listen to the "Sounds Like a Cult" podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does your quality time with your spouse sometimes/always devolve into discussions about finances, kids, or future plans? Here's how focused weekly meetings—both for our partnerships and for our families—can strengthen, deepen, and save the sanity of our relationships. Amy and Margaret discuss: How marriage/family check-ins improve the day-to-day health of relationships Best practices for successful marriage/family check-ins How they tailor their own marriage/family check-ins to work for them Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: MARRIAGE MEETINGS FOR LASTING LOVE by Marcia Naomi Berger Brett and Kate McKay for Art of Manliness: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting Julia Ries for Self: Scheduling a Weekly ‘House Meeting’ With My Partner Changed My Damn Life Jo Piazza for Bustle: The HR-ification Of Marriage We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, cognitive labor, emotional labor, mental load, second shift, family meeting, marriage meeting, family check-in, marriage check-in, relationship check-in, partners, marriage, spouse, relationships, couples Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kate Anthony is the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the online coaching program Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work.  In this episode, we discuss what should go into decision-making about whether to stay or to go how divorce can be amicable, even if the breakup (or the marriage) was not whether "conscious uncoupling" is actually achievable how to put kids at the center of our co-parenting (but not in the middle) when to start dating post-divorce (and when to let them meet the kids) You can find Kate at www.kateanthony.com and on Facebook and Instagram. You can Subscribe to The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast on iTunes here, and join her private Facebook group here. Have you checked out our merch yet? T-shirts, hoodies, notebooks and more: bit.ly/whatfreshmerch. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more- and use the code FRESH to get 10% off. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get your first month FREE on select crates at kiwico.com/motherhood. Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing100 and use code laughing100 to get $100 off including free shipping! Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.  Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixSleep.com/laughing. Design like a pro with Canva Pro! We use it for all our images– we've upped our game and saved time too. Right now,  you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to canva.me/fresh. The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! Magic Spoon cereal gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- and with 0 grams of sugar. Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH at checkout to get $5 off! Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Three-year-olds will do a lot of things to get attention– sometimes including spitting in your face. A listener wrote in to say: "My almost 3-year-old spits. He doesn't respond well to time-outs, losing toys/treats/etc., explaining that it's rude and hurtful. He spits in my face during church, at his older siblings, or any time he doesn't get his immediate way. He does it when he's getting attention, when he's not getting attention, when he's happy, when he's mad...I'm at a loss. I cannot find the pattern and it is really starting to get to me." The key, as Margaret explains, is to not give our kids the satisfaction of a big reaction to their unwanted behaviors. Easier said than done... but here are a few things to try. In this episode Margaret mentions: Amy Morin for Verywell Family: "How to Discipline a Child for Spitting" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re sharing this excellent list of resources to support those affected by the California fires. This list was created by writer Sari Botton @saribotton: World Central Kitchen, providing meals in the area. Donate a Meal Mutual Aid Network L.A. GoFundMe Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation’s Wildfire Fund Project Hope (“actively distributing hygiene kits to displaced families and children, procuring high-need items for shelters and health clinics, supporting health workers administering care to people affected, and mobilizing mental health support in response to the historic fires…“) Greater Good Charities (helping people and pets, with donations matched) National Council of Jewish Women (collecting clothes, toys, hygiene products and funds). California Community Foundation Wildlife Recovery Fund Pasadena Humane Society, boarding displaced pets and supplying pet food and medical care. Friends In Deed Pasadena Displaced Black Families Displaced Latine Families Mutual Aid Directory Displaced Filipino Families Mutual Directory Master List Displaced Families Mutual Aid Displaced Disabled Folks California Fire Foundation Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation Direct Relief We're also offering a replay of this episode from 2021, on how to discuss the news with our kids. These days, even the littlest children might see a stray notification on a parent's phone, or overhear something scary from someone else's screen. A lot of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. But if we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information. We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids? NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, news, news with kids, current events, current affairs, LA wildfires, Los Angeles, Los Angeles wildfires Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you already punishing yourself for breaking your impossibly difficult New Year's resolution? Yes, the one where you were going to eat 12 vegetables or run for 20 minutes or read an entire book every single day of 2023 (or do all three, for you masochists out there.) Here's how to work towards goals while remembering that so much of what we feel guilt over is actually morally neutral. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss how a "back to one" is different from a resolution, and how viewing resets as inevitable, rather than deep personal failings, is a much more productive approach. Still working on the same resolution from last year? Of course you are! Always be resolving–to move forward without guilt over what you didn't do yesterday. LINKS! Melissa Kirsch for the NYT: "Broken Promises" Mick de Boer for Inside Out Mastery: "19 Mind-Blowing New Year’s Resolution Statistics" Our "Back to Ones" episode from 2022 Listen to the "Edit Your Life" podcast, the newest addition to the Adalyst Media network! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.  Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping! Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply. You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Margaret tackles the question, "Should I sleep-train my baby while we're all stuck at home?" Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers listener Jessica's question: How do you get your kids to keep their rooms clean? What about a playroom? And is it reasonable to take away ALL the toys if they never stay cleaned up? As a parent of "three non-cleaners," Margaret shares the rules in her house that help keep it reasonably clean. Got a question you'd like answered? Email us: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When do you start letting kids have sleepovers? They're going to start asking long before they're really ready, and the sleep deprivation can ruin everyone's weekends. Amy talks about her own experience and gives some successful sleepover tips, including daytime sleepovers and phone-free sleepovers. Got a question you'd like answered? Email us! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month's Deep Dive series is all about how much fun we are—or aren't—having while raising our kids. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. There are some things in life that sound more fun in the planning stage than they are in the execution, and those things are statistically proven to be done more frequently by parents. We asked our listeners to tell us their lists of things that should be fun, but aren't. As the record will show, our listeners are sadly, completely correct. Don't say you weren't warned. Here's the link to the episode of The Mom Hour episode a few of our listeners mentioned: We Hate Fun! Sign up for "What Fresh Hell + " to get every one of our episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps: $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, emotions, kids emotions, parent emotions, uncertainty, fun with kids, fun parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we? Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient The infamous "marshmallow experiment" How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves) Links! Steve Calechman for Greater Good Magazine: "How to Help Your Kids Be a Little More Patient" Angel E Navidad for SimplyPsychology: "Marshmallow Test Experiment and Delayed Gratification" Scholastic Parents: "Teaching Patience" Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Go to etsy.com and use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Faherty has your fall wardrobe covered. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use code FRESH at checkout to snag 20% off ALL your new fall staples. Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH. Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH. Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh.  Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now.  Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime for your baby, toddler and big kid. Enter code WHATFRESH at checkout to get 50% OFF your first Little Spoon delivery order.  Mathnasium uses customized learning plans to give your child exactly what they need, whether it's bridging the gap, or raising the level of challenge. Get a free consultation today at mathnasium.com. Misfits Market is an affordable online grocery service that makes grocery shopping fast and easy. Visit get.misfitsmarket.com/FRESH30 by Dec. 31st to get 30% off your first order. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hunter Clarke-Fields is the creator of the Mindful Parenting course, the host of the Mindful Mama Podcast, and the author of Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids. Hunter helps parents bring more calm and peace into their daily lives. Hunter has over twenty years of experience in meditation practices and has taught mindfulness to thousands worldwide. She is the mother to two daughters. In this interview Hunter explains: The true definition of mindfulness How to break the cycle of reactivity Her own struggles with staying mindful as a parent The key is to start small with creating a mindfulness practice, Hunter says. (Oh, and it may sound cliché, but lots of deep breaths, too. Guess what? It works.) Here's where you can find Hunter: FB/Instagram - @mindfulmamamentor YouTube - @HunterClarkeFieldsMindfulMamaMentor Twitter - @HClarkeFields Pinterest - @mindfulmamamentor Website: www.mindfulmamamentor.com Buy Hunter's Book Raising Good Humans: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781684033881 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com. Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/fresh and use code FRESH at checkout for 20% off. Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH. Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH. Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/fresh. Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. In this episode we discuss all the reasons we’ve felt like failures as mothers, why we’re never as hard on others as we are on ourselves, and what we have done to mitigate these feelings of failure in our own lives.   “I feel like I’m failing at parenting fairly often,” our listener Becky wrote when she suggested this topic. If it makes you feel any better, Becky, you’ve got plenty of company. These self-inflicted guilt trips are nearly universal among mothers. But why? Is it the 24/7 nature of the job? Is it the admittedly high stakes that come from nurturing small humans towards successful adulthoods? Is it our parenting culture, which tells us no matter how much we do, how hard we try, there’s another mother doing it just a little bit better? We think it’s all of the above. We also think talking to other mothers is the best solution. Thanks for being part of our mothering community. Here’s links to research and other writing on this topic discussed in this episode: Regan Long for Motherly: To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing: You're Not. Promise. Heather Marcoux for Motherly: 66% of working parents feel like they're failing—but the system is actually failing them Doug Parker for Babble: I Feel Like I'm Failing This Parenting Thing Every Damn Day Denise Rowden for Empowering Parents: “I Feel Like a Failure as a Parent.” How to Turn That Hopeless Feeling Around We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Zibby Owens is the creator and host of the podcast Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, in which Zibby gets her guests to open up about what’s important to them while discussing their favorite books. Zibby's new anthology of essays, written by 49 past guests on her podcast, is Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids: A Timeless Anthology. In this interview we discuss all the things moms really don't have time for– and how to figure out what's worth *making* time for. Zibby also tells us all about Zibby Books, her new publishing company attempting to reimagine the business of books as a collaborative partnership. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients and packaged in grab-and-go pouches. Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live. Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.  Brooklinen's luxurious, high-quality sheets are the ultimate bedding upgrade! Go to brooklinen.com and use the promo code FRESH for $20 off your minimum purchase of $100. Dermafacs cream rejuvenates your skin's texture and fades the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Go to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell and use the code whatfreshhell for 15% off. Green Chef’s expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond the ordinary. Go to greenchef.com/laughing125 and use code laughing125 to get $125 off including free shipping. Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. MamaZen is an app that provides a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today from your app store, and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  Somfy powered motorized window coverings are a great way to keep your home cool- and they connect to your smart home systems! Get a customized quote for your home by visiting http://somfysystems.com/podcast.  SuperBeets heart chews are a tasty treat that give you caffeine-free, heart-healthy energy. Get a free 30-day supply and free shipping and returns with your first purchase at superbeets.com/fresh. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Meghan Leahy is the "On Parenting" columnist for The Washington Post and a certified parenting coach. She's also the author of PARENTING OUTSIDE THE LINES: FORGET THE RULES, TAP INTO YOUR WISDOM, AND CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband, three school-age daughters, and her dog.  In her work as a parenting coach, Meghan finds that we parents are often "unreliable narrators" of our own stories. For example, we might ask for help by saying "The problem is my daughter never listens to me!" when the actual issue we need to face might be more about connection and less about teenage insolence. In this episode, we discuss how to make connection with our kids our foremost goal as parents, and how attachment with our kids might occur in ways far beyond the well-meaning "So how was your day?" As Meghan explains, even boundaries are forms of connection. On the other hand, a few lowered standards right now (like some extra lunch plates in kids' rooms after Zoom school) can really make family life better for all of us, even moms. You can find out more about Meghan Leahy's one-on-one parent coaching, online classes, and writing on her website: mlparentcoach.com. In this episode we discuss the CPS Method for family problem-solving, which we discuss in more detail in this interview with Dr. Stacy Haynes. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:  Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout. Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.  Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off. Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Carla Naumburg is a mother, clinical social worker, and author. She is the author of three parenting books, including the bestseller How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, which not only explains WHY we explode at our children, but also teaches us everything we need to know to decrease stress and increase patience, even in the most challenging family moments. Kids are hard-wired to push our buttons. We are hard-wired to freak out when they're pushed. In this Fresh Take interview from earlier in 2021, Carla explains how managing our triggers can help us stop the meltdowns. This episode will make you feel less ashamed, more empowered, and a whole lot better. Find How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523505425 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Athletic Greens powder supports your sleep quality, energy, and immune system. Get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Aura Frames make it easy to share photos with your loved ones from anywhere in the world using the Aura app. Visit auraframes.com and use the code FRESHHELL to get $30 off. Givewell researches and recommends charities that do an incredible amount of good. Get donations up to $250 matched at givewell.org by picking PODCAST, and entering What Fresh Hell at checkout. Helix customized mattresses will give you the best sleep of your life! Get up to $200 off all mattress orders, plus two free pillows, at helixsleep.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding . Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  Quip electric toothbrushes have timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist-recommended two-minute clean. Go to getquip.com/LAUGHING to get your first refill FREE.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. StoryWorth helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Get started with $10 off at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell.  WINNØW is the first clean face cream to pair CBD with ingredients like shea butter and hyaluronic and amino acids. Go to www.winnowcbd.com and use the code FRESH15 to save 15% on your first order.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We didn't think we'd get stuck here again, but here we are, in Pandemic: Omicron Edition. We're finding this round particularly exhausting because any semblance of consistency in guidance, advice, or predictions is long gone. And yet we're still the decision makers for our families, the ones everyone looks to for the answers, the plans, the "what's for dinner," the "can Eliza come over?" In other words, we're struggling with pandemic decision fatigue. In a recent study by the American Psychological Association, 47% of parents reported being so stressed about the pandemic that they struggle to make basic decisions like what to wear and what to eat. In this episode, we have an honest discussion of how "analysis paralysis" has been playing out in our lives lately, and why "the decision that makes you feel calmest" might be the best touchstone for these times (hat tip to psychotherapist Josh Jonas). Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: American Psychological Association: Stress and decision-making during the pandemic Alexandra Frost for Washington Post: Why you just can’t choose: Parenting through pandemic decision fatigue Ronda Kaysen for NYT: Another Covid Winter, but Our Quarantine Comforts No Longer Work Jenny Lemmons Magic on Facebook: "Decision fatigue" will be how I remember this season of my life. and here's the "You're soaking in it!" Palmolive ad- with MADGE! (Amy said it was Marge, whoops) Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:  Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Beam makes products for sleep, calm, focus, and recovery. Get $20 off any purchase over $75 at beamorganics.com/FRESH, or just type in the code "FRESH" at checkout. Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.  Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find applicants that meet your requirements-- or you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through 3/31/22 at indeed.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off. Once Upon a Farm fruit and vegetable blends are made with whole, organic, farm-fresh ingredients . Go to onceuponafarmorganics.com and use the code FRESH25 for 25% off your first order. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can busy moms reduce their stress levels in a way that DOESN'T involve the word self-care? Dr. Linnea Passaler, author of the new book HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM, explains the biology behind the stress response and how to address it. Dr. Linnea Passaler is the founder of ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms. Dr. Passaler and Amy discuss: When and why our nervous systems become dysregulated Where most people run into trouble when trying to become more regulated Solutions for shifting to a more regulated state Here's where you can find Dr. Passaler: https://healyournervoussystem.com @healyournervoussystem on IG Buy HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780760385654 Listen to our interview with Carla Naumberg We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you are traveling this holiday season to juggle seeing more than one part of your extended family in a short amount of time, you may relate to this question from Elizabeth: How do you tackle splitting time between families over the holidays, especially with a newborn? Both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but how do we decide when it’s time to leave one place and go to the next? It's already tough keeping up eating and napping schedules when we're away from home. We hate to feel like we are disappointing anyone at this time of year, but little kids make it pretty much impossible to our extended families as much as they'd like. The key to making family visits as smooth as possible is to plan ahead, and then manage expectations. Sit down with your partner and decide which family members you can see at which times, making your children's meal and nap schedules a priority. If your families are far apart, this may involve alternating holiday visits ("we'll see your family at Thanksgiving and then mine at Christmas"). You can factor in which holidays are particularly important to individual families into your travel decisions, but this is a decision for you and your spouse to make together and then present as a united front. If weather or extra-long naps mess with your schedule, of course you can change your plans. But it's easier to improvise changes to a plan already in place than to make those plans up as you go along. Will this mean that everyone is happy with your choices? No, it won't. Will this mean that no one will make passive-aggressive comments about they just wish you didn't have to leave? Unfortunately, it will not. There will always be some push back from extended family members who may feel shortchanged about how you choose to split time at the holidays. But a good plan and firm boundaries around it, and what choices work for your immediate family, will make your holiday travel a bit calmer. Special thanks to our "Question of the Week" sponsor: Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Melissa, who says: Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time. Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly: 1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too" 2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice 3. Positivity and encouragement 4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice” 5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?” 6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time. Help- I need some new ideas! Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five. Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a whole lot of compassion here, especially right now. A five-year-old might just be too exhausted or overwhelmed to meet these expectations. Especially right now, our children's emotional health is more important than one more math worksheet. Amy also references our episode on homework, which you can find here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2017/10/episode-27-the-homework-slog/ Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really mean to raise resilient kids, and where do we start? Dr. Tovah Klein, Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and a psychology professor at Barnard College at Columbia University, is also the author of the new book RAISING RESILIENCE. Tovah's book explains why we might have to look inward first when attempting to raise children who can handle life's challenges. In this interview, Tovah, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The psychological underpinnings of the common parental desire to smooth over even minor difficulties in our kids' lives How to act as both anchor and container for our kids The five pillars of kids' resilience, and what we can do to support each Here's where you can find Tovah Klein: www.tovahklein.com @tovahklein on IG and X @howtoddlersthrive on FB www.linkedin.com/in/tovah-klein Buy RAISING RESILIENCE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063286566 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's the fifth anniversary of the What Fresh Hell podcast! Thanks for listening, sharing, and being part of the best mom community anywhere. To celebrate five years of community– and the spooky season that is upon us– this week we're here to talk about the super-creepy parts of life with kids, with a little bit of skepticism and a little bit of "okay, that freaks me out a little." From phantom cries to sleepwalking to night terrors, our kids are creepy. Perhaps never more so than when they tell us they see their dead great-grandfather sitting next to them in the back seat. Are ghosts real? Some of our kids sure think so... and what do we think? We'll quote child psychologist Jacqueline Wooley: “It’s important to never say never, because it’s the scientific way to be.” Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Rosemary Counter for WaPo On Parenting: Why do so many kids ‘see ghosts’? We asked some psychologists. moms.com: Doctors Explain Why Moms Hear 'Phantom Cries' Even When Our Kids Are Grown Clarkson University: Why Do We See Ghosts? Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.  Expressable is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at expressable.io/fresh. Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE. Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.  Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!  MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial! Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/fresh. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Flat tire? Mismatched kids' socks? Lost luggage? Here's part two of our listeners' minor, life-changing tips that might just make some aspect of your life much easier from now on. Margaret and Amy discuss: Tasks you should delegate to your butler How to fit all that stuff you need in your glove compartment Margaret's next birthday present from Amy We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who are also your total opposites. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems How they navigate being the opposite of their partners How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All" Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs" Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell" R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Are You Raising An Introvert? Are You an Introvert? Take this assessment We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, introvert, extrovert, personality type, personality test, personality assessment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist. We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better! Margaret and Amy discuss: The correct way to boil corn What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves) Amy's meet-cute with her husband "Let's Make a Deal" Links! "Bag o' Glass" on SNL We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, life tips, useful tips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you have multiple groups of relatives who plan on spending the holidays with you? If you've got parents, in-laws, and other relatives competing for your time and attention, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A listener asks: "How do you tackle splitting time between family over the holidays with a newborn? Both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but how do we decide that it's time to leave one place and go to the next? It's already tough keeping up eating and napping schedules." Margaret suggests making a detailed schedule for holiday time with each group of relatives and sharing it with everyone involved so no unpleasant surprises occur. And manage expectations for yourself and for your family around how many visits you'll be able to achieve with kids in tow. The holidays should be a time for family fun above all! Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. She is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and the founder of Gemma, the first digital education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health. Dr. Lakshmin is most passionate about empowering women and sees her clinical work as a perinatal psychiatrist as an extension of this mission. In this episode we discuss mom guilt, stress, self-care, the anxiety of this ongoing pandemic moment, and how we can reclaim ourselves amidst it all.  You can find Pooja on Instagram @poojalakshmin and at her website: poojalakshmin.com We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey. When parenting feels like all work and no play, we may resignedly think "Well, that's the way it's supposed to be." But if you feel like parenting is more draining than fulfilling, there are ways to bring more presence, joy, and fun into the mix. Amy and Margaret discuss: why having fun as a family usually means doing what kids think is fun, which is not the same as US having fun what psychologists say is required in order to have fun- and why those same things can be in short supply in our lives as parents the role of "flow" in fun, and whether eight hours of video games might start to have diminishing returns Sometimes parenting isn't fun. The reasons for that aren't our fault, and losing the guilt that it's not all more fun can really help. On the other hand, if it's never fun, there might be some rearrangements of our family life that can occur... and we've got ideas on how to start. Links! Jennifer Senior: All Joy And No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood Daniel Gilbert: Stumbling on Happiness Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi: Flow Arlie Hochschild: The Second Shift Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/fresh and get on your way to being your best self.” For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com. Find a new fall favorite for your wardrobe with Faherty. Head to fahertybrand.com/wfh and use code WFH at checkout for 20% off. Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com/FRESH. Honeylove shapewear is the secret sauce you need for your everyday wardrobe. Get 20% off at honeylove.com with the code FRESH. Give Awesome this holiday with KiwiCo! Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/motherhood. Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements--or else you don't pay! Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you Cash Back when you shop at thousands of merchants. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitnee Hawthorne is a speaker, an author, and a Fortune 500 executive. She's also a mom of two young children. As the host of the Savvy Working Moms podcast, Whitnee supports and encouraging working moms to become the women they want to be. In this episode, we discuss why "working dad" isn't a term why working moms are still "the mom," even with supportive spouses the strengths that working women bring to their workplaces why men also need to advocate for systemic change in the workplace how all moms can choose to find joy Whitnee's four-step plan for effective delegation Get the transcript for this episode on our website: whatfreshhellpodcast.com/whitnee-hawthorne Find Whitnee on social media @SavvyWorkingMom and on her website: savvyworkingmom.com. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.  The Cozi Family Organizer is for anyone juggling camp schedules, practices, meetings, doctor’s appointments, and maybe a date night once in a while. Download Cozi for free from the app store! DERMAFACS provides your skin with the ability to smooth your skin's texture and fade the appearance of damage or scars in just a few weeks. Get 15% off by going to dermafacs.com/whatfreshhell. Dry Farm Wines is leading the pure Natural Wine movement by sourcing wines according to the world’s strictest criteria. Get an extra bottle in your first box for a penny using at https://dryfarmwines.com/fresh EXPRESSABLE is an online speech therapy company that has helped thousands of children of all ages reach their communication goals. Speak with a speech-language pathologist for free today and learn more about your child's communication development at www.expressable.io/fresh Happy Dance skin care products are made with premium ingredients, including the highest quality CBD. Get 15% off your first Happy Dance order by going to doahappydance.com/laughing.  Home Made Podcast is a new podcast about… home. And what happens when you open that door and step into a new world, whether that’s a house, apartment or neighborhood. Find out more and listen HERE Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. By shopping at jane.com, you support small businesses, 1500 of which are women-owned. And you will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with the code MOTHERHOOD at kiwico.com.  Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that gets protein into your kids’ breakfast- Go to magicspoon.com/FRESH to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! And be sure to use our promo code FRESH at checkout to save five dollars off your order!  MamaZen is a revolutionary solution for motherhood burnout, anxiety, impatience, and more. Download MamaZen today– and use the code "FRESH" to unlock a free trial! Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it! Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  SuperBeets Heart Chews are a tasty treat that give you the energy you need and are good for you. Get FREE shipping and returns plus a FREE 30-day supply with your first purchase at SuperBeets.com/Fresh . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Masha Rumer is an award-winning journalist and immigrant from the former Soviet Union who is now raising two children in California. Her new book, PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT: HOW IMMIGRANTS HONOR THEIR HERITAGE, NAVIGATE SETBACKS, AND CHART NEW PATHS FOR THEIR CHILDREN, explores the complexities of multicultural parenting and identity. In this episode, we discuss The experience of disidentifying with, and then seeking to reconnect with, the cultures from which we came What we get wrong about the history of immigration What it’s like to be “in America but not of it,” while parenting children for whom America feels like home Find PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807021873 and follow Masha Rumer here: @MashaDC on Twitter @masharumer on Instagram @parentingwithanaccent on Facebook Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.  Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off. Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.  Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Amy answers the question, "How can an introvert make new friends especially during the complicated social limitations of coronavirus?" Check out our Finding Your Mom Tribe episode: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/06/finding-your-mom-tribe-episode-110/ Here's the link to the Catherine Price's Screen/Life Balance site Amy mentions in this episode.  http://screenlifebalance.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are the after school hours intense ones at your house? Whether you have pre-schoolers or high-schoolers you can probably relate to this question from Patti: "Can we talk about after school routines? When my mom was a child she and her siblings had afternoon tea and cake with their mom every day after school. When my kids get home in the afternoon it’s like a bunch of wild animals just escaped from the zoo. I can’t commit to a routine. Play outside first? Have screen time to unwind? How can I make this time of day less hellish for me and more peaceful for everyone?" Just like kids aren't "one size fits all," after-school routines have to be designed to fit your child. But a simple rule that should work for most kids is "food first." Greet your kids with a snack if possible, or lay one out ahead of time. While a frozen pizza from the microwave isn't as Pinterest-worthy as a tray of fresh cookies next to a chalkboard with Welcome Home! written on it, the aim here is to feed your kids, not to be perfect and presentational. Margaret is a big fan of down time after school and says it is perfectly fine if that time involves screens. For some kids playing outside may be a better choice, and for others, after-school activities may eat up so much time that homework needs to be prioritized as soon as they do get home. The big picture here is that most kids do better with some structure to their after-school routines. If the after school hours at your house feel out of control, start small. Add a snack, implement a simple schedule, and see how it works for your family– and then make adjustments as necessary. It's worth putting some effort into defining what works for your, but as a guiding principle, well-fed kids who have a little time to decompress will probably be easier to deal with for the rest of the night. Margaret cites this article in this episode: Bianca Lambert for Romper: How Hair Care Became the Ultimate Bonding Experience for Kyla Pratt and her Daughters Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy answers this week's question: "I’m the mom of a three-year-old only child and I HATE playing pretend. I understand that our parents didn’t play pretend with us. I understand that under normal circumstances it isn’t necessary for parents to play pretend with their kids. But I'm raising an only-child in the midst of a pandemic where there aren’t any other social outlets besides myself and It makes me feel like I’ve entered into a bad improv class that I can’t escape. HELP!" Under normal circumstances, parents can (and should) push back on the expectation that they be their children's constant playmates. But right now, things are different. Here are some strategies on how to make the playtime you spend with your child more enjoyable, as well as some ways to make the times you have to say 'no' easier for your child. In this episode, Amy.mentions Dr. Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting  as well as our episode "Do We Really Have To Play With Our Kids? When Parenting Feels Relentless" https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/do-we-really-have-to-play-with-our-kids-when-parenting-feels-relentless-episode-105/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We sometimes feel nothing should be kept secret between us and our children, but that's not really true. We do need to talk often with our kids about the difference between inappropriate secrets (an adult asking them to keep something secret from their parents) and appropriate ones (the present we are hiding in the garage for Dad's birthday). Today's question comes from our Facebook group: How do teach kids when to keep secrets? Like not telling other kids about Santa, or how babies are made? Or how twhen not to talk about a topic, like puberty, with others? Conversations about secrets should be ongoing. What is the difference between tattling and telling? When is it appropriate to keep a friend's confidence? What if you know a friend is in trouble, but you've been asked to keep it secret? Your child will likely need help navigating these types of dilemmas throughout their childhood. One way to make this easier is to define a spectrum of secret-keeping. On side are secrets that are always inappropriate: Adults asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, and to keep that from your parents Friends doing things that worry or scare you, and telling you not to tell anyone On the other side are secrets that are always OK: Surprises (We're taking Mom on a trip for her birthday next week but don't tell her yet) Keeping magic alive for younger kids (Not telling little kids there is no Santa) Private Things (Things that are going on with your body that are private) Neither of these categories is absolute, which is why an ongoing dialogue is important. Help kids think about different types of secrets they might be asked to keep in advance. Talk with other family members and caregivers about the language used around secrets. Discourage grandparents from saying things like "This is a secret! Don't tell Mom!" when they take the kids out for treats. Check out our earlier episode on secrets here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/when-should-kids-tell/ In this episode Margaret references this link from Fatherly.com: https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/how-to-teach-a-kid-to-keep-a-secret/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our kids ask us to explain scary things like natural disasters, accidents, and bad news? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My 5yo is afraid of naturally occurring phenomena. Natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, hurricanes. I try to explain these things very matter-of-factly but she would continue with questions for days. “Do we get tornadoes?” “Would a flood come to our house?” If we are watching a show and someone injures themselves she would ask about what happened for days. “Mommy, what happened to that man? Why was he bleeding? Was he breathing? Why was his arm like that?” I realized these are very different situations but they all fuel some kind of anxiety in her. Does anyone else have a kid(s) dealing with these kinds of emotions? How can I help reassure her that she is safe and other people are safe when bad things happen to them?" Margaret says it's best to answer the question actually being asked— like "Is a flood coming to our house?" —rather than overexplaining natural disasters in general. Be honest with your kids about the nature of dangerous things, and be present with them. Ultimately what your kids really want is to process their feelings with you, their safe space. Lyra Fontaine for Seattle Children's Hospital: Helping Kids Cope with Anxiety Over Distressing News Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we get kids to view saying "sorry" as more than a get-out-of-jail-free card? This week's question comes from our Facebook page: I have 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys. My question: how do you help kids around 5 years old understand the meaning of "sorry"? My son will do something wrong– and know it’s wrong before he does it– then immediately say he’s sorry. I try to give him a punishment to help him understand what he did was wrong, but he will still do the action again, then say, “well, I said I was sorry." How do I help him understand the meaning of being sorry so he won’t do the action again? Not all kids are great at apologies. And grownups sometimes go at this the wrong way too, overemphasizing a perfunctory, mumbled "sorry" from the wrongdoer and then moving on. "That's where the conversation ends," writer Rachael Rifkin says in Today's Parents, "with little if any discussion of what happened, why it was hurtful to the person they’re apologizing to, how they can address the hurt they caused, and what they can do to change their behavior." Those discussions can't always happen in the moment, while the little brother is still crying and the big brother is probably disregulated as well. Child specialist Ellen Goldsmith says it's always unwise to try to teach our kids when either they're in "red brain," when we're angry ourselves, or when our kids will be embarrassed in front of others. But that doesn't mean the wrongdoer gets off the hook. In the moment, tend to the one who has been wronged. Later that day, go back and talk about it. If the kid says "I said I was sorry," ask them (with genuine curiosity) why they did what they did. Ask them how they think the other person felt. Then ask them what they think they should do next. When it comes to apologies, elementary school teacher JoEllen Poon has a great 3-step approach that hits all the key points. Help your child complete these three sentences: 1)I’m sorry for... 2)this is wrong because... 3) in the future I will... A 5-year-old will need some help with this at first, of course. But keep at it and he'll start to really understand what Daniel Tiger said best: saying "sorry" is only the first step. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our kids’ summer plans keep evolving– for the better and the more confusing. We fill out forms. Then we get emails saying "Forget the old rules, and fill out these three new forms indicating you agree with these new rules." Then things change again. To be clear: thank you, camps and programs and town pools. We're not blaming the people who are most certainly doing their best to keep up, and to give our kids the most typical summer experience possible. But we're all building the plane while we fly it, and figuring out the new rules for this semi-normal summer seems, once again, to be kind of up to us. This week we're talking about our summer plans, our summer maybe-plans, and how we'll decide. Here are links to some of the things we mention in this episode: Mary Laura Philpott for Washington Post: As the world starts to open up, it’s tough to let go Gürbüz Doğan Ekşioğlu's "Venturing Out" https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cover-story/cover-story-2021-05-24 Kathryn Hymes for The Atlantic: Why We Speak More Weirdly At Home Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Magic Spoon is breakfast cereal that's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb, and GMO-free. Go to magicspoon.com/fresh to grab the new limited edition Birthday Cake flavor today! And use code FRESH at checkout to save $5 off. Public Goods is the one-stop shop for high-quality everyday household essentials made from clean ingredients. Get $15 off your first Public Goods order, with no minimum purchase! Go to publicgoods.com/fresh, or use the code FRESH at checkout.  Green Chef is a USDA-certified-organic company with meal plans including Paleo, Plant Powered, Keto, and Balanced Living. Go to greenchef.com/90laughing and use code 90LAUGHING to get $90 off, including free shipping! Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. Parade makes creative underwear and bralettes in a variety of sizes from extra small to 3 XL. Supersoft, super-cute, and prices that start at $8! Get 25% off when you spend $40 or more at yourparade.com/wfh with code WFH.  Zocdoc has you covered! Whether you need a primary care physician, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, or any other specialist, you can find top doctors at zocdoc.com.laughing. Quince is a game-changer for your wardrobe and your home, with high-quality essentials at prices 50-80% less than other brands. Free shipping and 365-day returns at onequince.com/fresh. Betterhelp Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun– and best of all, kids of all ages can work on them independently! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

During the pandemic, most moms hit a breaking point. All of the increased labor of childcare, at-home teaching, and caregiving seemed to land mostly, or only, on their plates. It was a clarifying moment for many of us that things simply could not continue as they were going—and that perhaps they had been going that way for a long time. Jessica Calarco is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Wisconsin and the author of the new book HOLDING IT TOGETHER: How Women Became America's Safety Net. In this interview, discusses the forces that place the burden of childcare and domestic labor on women. Jessica, Amy, and Margaret discuss: how societal expectations around motherhood have always pointed toward a lack of choices how "mom guilt" is weaponized to ensure women keep doing more than their share what Jessica calls "DIY society," and why it's a myth Here's where you can find Jessica: https://www.jessicacalarco.com @JessicaCalarco on X Buy HOLDING IT TOGETHER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593538128 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom guilt Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are teenagers destined to be bored by high school, or are we missing an important piece of the puzzle? Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, authors of THE DISENGAGED TEEN, explain what's behind the teen disengagement crisis and how parents can act. Jenny Anderson is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience. Rebecca Winthrop is the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University. Jenny, Rebecca, and Margaret discuss: The four different modes of learning that teens tend to engage in What academic disengagement in a teen really signals about them How parents can help their kids get more excited about learning Here's where you can find Jenny and Rebecca: www.jennywestanderson.org www.rebeccawinthrop.com www.thedisengagedteen.com @jennyandersonwrites and @drrebeccawinthrop on IG #DisengagedTeen #LearnBetterLiveBetter Buy THE DISENGAGED TEEN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593727072 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Future Fans: helping little kids become BIG fans: https://www.futurefans.com/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, meal prepping, time management, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are a lot of reasons that one of our kids might end up getting most of our attention. Some are positive: Sophia is the best 12-year-old pitcher in the state!  Some are decidedly negative: another hospital stay. Some bandwidth-hogging choices are freely made; some are obligations.  Sometimes focusing on just one of our kids is temporary, and sometimes it's the sort of “new normal” that can radically reshape family dynamics.  In this episode, we talk about the times in our own parenting lives when one of our kids has taken up all (okay, 99%) of our bandwidth, and how to manage our other relationships- including with our partners- during the tough or crazy times.  In our experience, identifying and being honest about what’s taking up the bandwidth is the key to making sure everyone survives it. Here are links to the research on this topic that we discuss in this episode:  Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner Carson Crusaders Foundation Antoinette Deavin, Pete Greasley, Clare Dixon for Pediatrics: Children’s Perspectives on Living With a Sibling With a Chronic Illness Dean E. Murphy for NYT: Watching Them Watching Me Lisa Rapaport for Reuters: Healthy kids with sick sibling may hide emotions Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored Andrew Sullivan for NYT: How Do You Raise a Prodigy? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What should we do when other people, relatives OR strangers, discipline our kids in front of us? Let it go, or intervene? Pamela recently wrote us to say: I'd love to hear your thoughts on handling relatives (or even strangers!) that try to discipline your kids. I recently had family in town and my six-year-old was given quite a few lectures on MINOR behaviors by a relative that has no children of their own. Things such as sitting in a chair well past when he was done eating, or accidentally kicking (when said relative started the roughhousing to begin with…) I’m able to call it out but why oh why does this happen?! Frustrating, to say the least, and confusing for my son! There are two matrixes that apply here: the "see this person 3 times a week / will never see this person again" axis, and the "totally not their business/ actually my kid was really bothering them" axis. If a particular example of discipline leaves your child red-faced and tearful, and the adult's reaction seems like an overreach, then attend to your child and make her feel safe. There are usually minimal returns for confrontation with a stranger– let alone a relative– but do what you have to do. But check your story. Did your kid brush it off and run along to play? Is the worst part of it all the "How dare you!" feelings you're left with? Reprimands from other people aimed at our kids can really sting us, because there are secondary (okay, primary) messages directed at our own parenting choices implicit within them. But if we keep our child's safety as top priority, other people's rights to a nice dinner or a no-throwing-sand sandbox a close second, and our own indignance a little further down the totem pole, knowing what's right to do in a given situation usually gets a little easier. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? Jennifer Wallace, author of the new book Never Enough, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: jenniferbwallace.com @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's question. This week Amy answers a question from a woman who is preparing for a family move and wants to know how to explain it to her four-year-old. Submit your questions to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour What does it mean to perform the role of "dad" in today's world? How do the ways the world perceives our children affect the ways we perceive ourselves? Lucas Mann is the author of ATTACHMENTS: ESSAYS ON FATHERHOOD AND OTHER PERFORMANCES, a collection of essays about parenting that The New Yorker just called "intense, poetic, and almost uncomfortably honest." In this interview, Lucas tells us about his experiences, how and why he writes, and what he's learned along the way. Here's where you can find Lucas Mann: www.lucasmann.com @lucaswmann on IG @LucasWMann on X Buy ATTACHMENTS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781609389536 https://www.newyorker.com/books/under-review/should-we-expect-more-from-dads We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, fatherhood, father, dad, dads, fathers day Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should?  The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much. Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your sister will stop asking if you’ve lost weight. But whether it’s celebrity culture, making our kids dress appropriately for the weather, or what we wear to school drop-off, here are some things that are no longer interesting to us (and to our listeners).  Did you know you can share this episode from whatever app you're using to listen right now? Text it to a friend! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we imagine peer pressure, we imagine coming to the rescue by slapping drugs and alcohol out of our kids' hands after their friends undoubtedly tell them they should definitely try some. But peer pressure--who feels it, why, and exactly WHAT kids are being pressured to do--is a complex issue. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: The biological imperative adolescents have to take risks in front of their peers What kids report actually feeling peer pressured to do- the answers aren't what expected How to actually prepare our kids to counter the peer pressure they face Here are links to past episodes with similar topics: "When Other Kids Are Bad Influences" "What Is Up With Teenagers?" Here are links to resources mentioned in this episode: Juliana Menasce Horowitz and Nikki Graf for the Pew Research Center: "Most U.S. Teens See Anxiety and Depression as a Major Problem Among Their Peers" Centerstone.org: "What is Peer Pressure and Who is at Risk?" Science Daily: "Peer pressure? It's hardwired into our brains, study finds" Laurence Steinberg and Kathryn C. Monahan: Age Differences in Resistance to Peer Influence Jess Shatkin, Born to Be Wild: Why Teens Take Risks, and How We Can Help Keep Them Safe Jessica Lahey, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Renzo’s Vitamins “melty vitamins” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Firstleaf is a wine club that curates and ships wines that are personalized to your tastes! Get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95, plus free shipping, at tryfirstleaf.com/laughing. Home.Made.Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD. Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved. Mathnasium is the place for online and in-person math education– whether your kids are a little behind, or need to be further challenged. Get your free consultation at mathnasium.com. Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH. Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to yourparade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell. Thrive Causemetics beauty and skin care products have clean, skin-loving ingredients– and are truly high-performance. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/WHATFRESHHELL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do social media influencers themselves manage their expectations around parenting and their consumption of parenting content online? Renee Reina, creator and host of the "Mom Room" podcast, discusses how her ADHD diagnosis, her PhD in psychology, and her social media presence all shape her parenting. Renee, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How parenting norms have changed since they were children How Renee's ADHD diagnosis has impacted her work and her parenting How Renee manages her consumption of social media as a content creator herself Renee Reina is the creator and host of The Mom Room. She also has a wildly popular Instagram following and a PhD in psychology. Here's where you can find Renee: @thereneereina & @themomroom on IG Listen to The Mom Room podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, kids anxiety, anxiety, worry, stress, ADHD, moms with ADHD, kids with ADHD, ADHD diagnosis, social media content, content creator, social media influencer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we talk to our kids about all the complicated topics our world presents them with? Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist, is the author of the bestselling book How to Talk to Kids About Anything and host of the podcast How to Talk to Kids About Anything, gives us scripts for having hard conversations with our kids. In this interview Dr. Silverman, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The downside to parents not talking to kids about hard things The biggest mistakes parents make when talking to kids Why tough conversations are worthwhile for reasons that go far beyond what might be discussed Here's where you can find Dr. Silverman: DrRobynSilverman.com @DrRobynSilverman on socials Buy HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT ANYTHING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781728246987 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Evan Kyle Berger and Kevin Laferriere, better known as "The Dumb Dads," are stay-at-home dad comedians who've been featured on Momsplaining with Kristen Bell, Ellen, Today and Good Morning America for their social media sketch comedy. In addition to their own social pages, they make content for Bubble, a channel on EllenTube. Margaret, Evan, and Kevin talk about finding the funny in parenting, the fresh hell that is LA naptime driving, and why the "dumb" in "Dumb Dads" is actually silent. Follow The Dumb Dads @dumbdadpod on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, and catch all their hilarious content on their YouTube channel! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.  Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off. Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order.  Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you respond to the idea of "practicing" gratitude with a heavy dose of nope? In this episode we discuss the science behind the gratitude>>happiness>>more gratitude>>more happiness loop. Studies have proven that regularly expressing gratitude actually changes the structures of our brains to make us healthier and happier, thanks to something called "positive recall bias." In other words, if you start looking out for yellow cars, you'll suddenly see them wherever you go. Wouldn't we all be better off living in a happier, yellowier-car world? And what if getting to that point was 1) not that hard and 2) kind of fun also? Our guest this week is Nancy Davis Kho, author of the new book The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time. Nancy's book is a lovely meditation on gratitude, and also a how-to guide to starting your own thank-you-letter-writing project. We loved this book! If you'd like to hear more about raising grateful kids , we've got an episode for that too! Just click the link- or if you're not seeing a link, go to bit.ly/WFHgratefulkids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As moms, it feels like we're always crunched for time without a moment to ourselves in a given day. And that really takes its toll on our mental health. Here are some tips for getting more "time affluence" in your day—and no, it's not about being more productive! Time affluence is about structuring your to-do list so it feels more manageable and working time for yourself into the fabric of your day-to-day so that you're not going months without any me-time. Margaret and Amy discuss: The difference between "time famine" and "time poverty" Why modern conveniences haven't given us more leisure time What studies show about the relationship between time affluence and happiness Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Wikipedia: Time Affluence Ross Bruch for Brown, Brothers, & Harriman Law Firm blog: The Value of Time: Understanding and Maximizing Time Affluence Barnaby Lashbrooke for Forbes: This is the Key to Achieving Time Affluence Jermaine Archer's TEDTalk: "A Matter of Time" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, time management, time hacks, life hacks, time affluence, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anxiety is diagnosed much more frequently than it used to be; that goes for our kids as well. Our parental instincts are usually to reassure them, but as it turns out, that actually isn't the solution to making them worry less. Ashley Graber and Maria Evans, child and family psychotherapists and authors of the new book RAISING CALM KIDS IN A WORLD OF WORRY, explain how to have tough conversations with your child, and how to teach your child coping skills for their anxiety. In this episode Ashley, Maria, and Margaret discuss: Why kids are more anxious these days The S.A.F.E.R parenting method How to talk to your children about their worries Here's where you can find Ashley and Maria: www.ashleygrabertherapy.com/books-and-media www.mariaevanstherapy.com/book @ashleygraber1 and @mariaevanstherapy on IG Buy RAISING CALM KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780143137795 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, kids anxiety, anxiety, worry, stress Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: Esther Perel: How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Can Make or Break Us Kyle Benson for The Gottman Institute: There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid Carl Alviani for Medium: The Science Behind Storytelling Kendall Haven: Your Brain on Story We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, brain development, mom brain Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy tackles a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "How can I get my kids to care about things I think are important?" Submit your questions at questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Amy answers the question, "What can I do about my toddler who is giving a hard time to my older child?" Submit your question to: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it. In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships Why couples always have the same fight Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Maslow's hierarchy of needs Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload Here's where you can find Matthew: matthewfray.com Buy Matthew's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063072251 FB: @matthewfrayMBTTTR IG: @frayrelationships Twitter: @MBTTTR We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, marriage, partnerships, divorce Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can a step-parent gain the trust of her kids as she becomes part of their family? Cameron Normand, founder of Stepfamily Solutions, discusses her own experience as a stepmom and offers some helpful takeaways for navigating stepfamily dynamics. Cameron and Margaret discuss: The biggest misconception about stepfamily life Cameron's top piece of advice for new stepmoms How to deal with a stepchild or ex-spouse who is less than accepting Here's where you can find Cameron: stepfamilysolutions.com @stepfamilysolutions on FB, IG, and TikTok Listen to Cameron's podcast "The Stepmom Diaries" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, stepmom, stepparent, blended families, step kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kim Williams is a change agent and community-builder for single moms. As the host of the podcast Experiencing Motherhood: Single and Black, Kim aspires to help single moms live the lives they desire without feeling alone. Through the podcast and her work on social media, Kim has built a large community of single moms that support one another both online and offline. In this episode, we discuss what systems Kim thinks are particularly essential for single moms– and how single moms can find, ask for, and get the support they need. Find Kim online @singleblackmotherhood, and listen to her podcast here. Special thanks to this month's sponsors:   Jane.com is a boutique marketplace featuring the latest in women’s fashion, accessories, home decor, children’s clothing, and more. You will not believe the prices! Visit jane.com/laughing. Pharmaca is a source you can trust for herbal and homeopathic formulas, high-quality vitamins, and organic cruelty-free beauty. Go to Pharmaca.com/laughing right now to save 20% off your first order! Workplace Comedy Podcast is a hilarious new improv podcast set in a fictional water bottling company, hosted by Emmy Laybourne and Tracy Vilar and a lineup of amazing comedy guests. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Betterhelp allows you to connect with a counselor over text, phone, or video — and everything you say is confidential. Start living a happier life today! Get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/fresh. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun! Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on any crate line at kiwico.com with code MOTHERHOOD. StoryWorth  gives your loved ones the gift of spending time together, wherever you live! Go to storyworth.com/whatfreshhell to get $10 off.   Bright Cellars is the wine subscription box that pairs you with wine you'll love, delivered to your door. Get 50% off your first 6 bottle order by heading to brightcellars.com/fresh. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically proven feminine dryness formula. It works! Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH to get 10% off. Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it!  Get 15% off your first order today! Go to prose.com/laughing.  Barre3’s workouts combine cardio, strength conditioning, and mindfulness in one workout. Go to barre3.com/FRESH and enter promo code FRESH to unlock 75% off monthly and annual subscriptions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here. This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode from 2022, "When the World Moves Too Fast for Our Kids." When we look at our kids– and think of the responsibilities we had and risks we took at their ages– a lot of us think our kids are growing up more slowly. This is definitely not always a bad thing. But when our kid is playing Pokémon and their peers have moved on to Snapchat, should we be encouraging them to blossom? Or letting them stay young a little longer? Amy and Margaret discuss: why it's good to have "young" kids when to rescue, and when to leave them alone how to make our own homes safe havens for our kids to be exactly who they are Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Camille Noe Pagán for WebMD: "Is It Immaturity or ADHD?" Alloprof Parents: "5 ways to support an immature first grader" PsychCentral: "The Effects of Trauma from Growing up Too Fast" Amy Norton for CBS News: "Why today's teens are growing up more slowly than they used to" Katie Bishop for BBC: "Kids getting older younger: Are children growing up too fast?" Steven Richfield for HealthyPlace: "Coaching The Emotionally Immature Middle Schooler" Julie Rawe for Understood: "Why some kids seem immature compared to other kids their age" Dr. Tori Cordiano for Your Teen Magazine: "My Daughter Is Immature and She’s Annoying Her Friends" Jessica Lahey for Your Teen Magazine: "Understanding Changing Middle School Friendships" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we’re talking to Ned Johnson, co-author (with William Stixrud) of THE SELF-DRIVEN CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR KIDS MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES, which explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges seemingly endemic to kids today: handling anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation.  Ned's research underlines a surprising paradox: when we try to remove stress from our children's lives by smoothing over the bumps in their paths, we inadvertently create MORE stress for our children. As Ned explains: “A sense of control strengthens the regulation of the amygdala. It is by successfully handling stressful situations in a supportive environment that kids develop strong stress tolerance and resilience." In this episode we discuss how one's levels of stress are affected by novelty, unpredictability, and our overall sense of control the difference between "tolerable stress" and toxic stress how to be "homework consultants" for our kids without controlling the outcome why "radical downtime" is so crucial for kids' development Not sure when you should back off, or not? Here's Ned's overall takeaway: "When we talk about kids having a sense of control, it's not that we want to put a toddler in charge of the household, or tell her "you've got to go hunt for your own food" or something. It's simply that we don't want to do for kids that which they can do for themselves." The Self-Driven Child is available from our What Fresh Hell Bookshop page: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780735222526 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In celebration of the launch of her new book, HAPPY TO HELP, in this episode Margaret gives Amy the interview treatment! Amy tells all about the process of writing this book, the hard times that really put her parenting to the test, and her eventual discovery that putting our own needs lower and lower down our list of priorities will never work well enough to forever-fix everything around us. You can find HAPPY TO HELP in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook (read by Amy !) at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books! Subscribe to Amy's Substack for more about Happy to Help: amywilsonauthor.substack.com Join Amy at one of her HAPPY TO HELP launch events, regularly updated at http://bit.ly/happytohelpevents. Find all the HAPPY TO HELP launch events at www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/tourdates/ And if you'd like to choose HAPPY TO HELP for your book club and have Amy join you live or over Zoom to discuss, send an email to hello@amywilson.com. Here's where to find more about Amy: @amywlsn on Instagram @amywilsonauthor on Tiktok We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. #happytohelpbook memoir, new books, new release, women's lives, essays, people pleasing, perfectionist, type c, chronic illness Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is one of our deep dives on how kids are shaped by their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.”  Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest?  In this episode we discuss:  “middleborns” vs “classic middles" the negativity of the “middle child syndrome,” and whether or not it bears out why middle children are more independent and open-minded why middle children have a greater appetite for risk how the “ambient neglect” a middle child sometimes receives can be an incredible gift Writer Adam Sternbergh, himself a middle, says that "being a middle child is not something you aspire to; it’s something that happens to you.” While that may be true, it also turns out that we should perhaps all be jealous of them. Being a middle kid can be secretly great. Here's links to research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode: Adam Sternbergh for The Cut: The Extinction of the Middle Child Dr. Catherine Salmon: The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable Abilities Lindsay Dodgson for Business Insider: 'Middle child syndrome' doesn't actually exist — but it still might come with some surprising psychological advantages Risk-taking middle-borns: A study on birth-order and risk preferences Abi Berwager Schreier for Romper: Do Middle Children Really Have More Issues? Jan Brady Wasn't The Only One Alphaparent: Optimum Family Size Facts We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, middle child, siblings, middle kid Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How has Halloween become a days-long, massively involved and expensive holiday? What happened to the good old days of stumbling around the neighborhood in a Barbie mask you could barely breathe in with a pillowcase full of candy? Here's how Halloween went from just spooky to spooky consumerist. Amy and Margaret discuss: How Halloween has lost its truly spooky nature over the years The origins of the Switch Witch Their favorite Halloween costumes growing up Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Paige Pickett for Kids Out and About: Mom Saves Halloween for her Son with the Switch Witch Primary Kids' Costumes Melissa Willets for Parents Magazine: Is the Switch Witch Brewing Up Some Controversy This Halloween? Maura Judkis for Boston.com: With huge skeletons, the yard-decorating arms race heats up Lori Ferraro for LikeTotally80s.com: The Mask Makes It - Halloween Costumes of the 1980s National Retail Federation: Halloween Spending to Reach Record $12.2 Billion as Participation Exceeds Pre-Pandemic Levels Kurt Andersen: FANTASYLAND - How America Went Haywire: A 500-Year History Marianna Cerini for CNN Style: From pagan spirits to Wonder Woman: A brief history of the Halloween costume Charles Moss for Slate: How Ben Cooper Changed Halloween Forever We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, Halloween, Halloween costumes, kids Halloween costumes, Halloween costume ideas, kids Halloween costume ideas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In-law relationships are close by design, not by choice. No wonder they're complicated. We heard from listeners who have fantastic in-laws, and others for whom no contact at all is the only option. In this episode, we discuss whether mothers-in-law, in particular, get a bad rap how many sit-downs you're allowed to have ever (spoiler alert: three) how to operate from a standpoint of maximum available generosity how to "watch your ratios" to improve your relationship with your spouse's parents Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Why You and Your Mother-in-Law May Not Get Along Karen L. Fingerman, Megan Gilligan, Laura VanderDrift, and Lindsay Pitzer: In-law Relationships Before and After Marriage Margarita Tartakovsky for Psych Central: How Healthy Couples Deal with Their In-Laws The Naked Marriage Podcast: Healthy Boundaries with In-Laws Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does self-care mean ice cream? Facial serums? Leaning in? Saying no? Taking yoga? According to our listeners, it means all of the above. In this episode, we talk both about how to arrive at your personal definition of self-care, and how to prioritize it, so your self-care practice will be there for you when you need it. You can't just meditate extra on the day your kids both get the stomach flu. Self-care is a program you kind of need to have running in the background all the time. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Jacqueline Baker for The Mighty: When Self-Care Means Saying 'No' Tim Herrera for NYT Smarter Living: How to Make ‘Self-Care’ Actually Feel Like Self-Care Jenny Odell: How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy Deanna Zandt: The Unspoken Complexity of 'Self-Care' Claire Zulkey for Romper: The Hardest Thing To Do Is 'Less' Of All That Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your kids are home more right now, chances are they're gaming more. Part of that is just going with the flow of this moment. But as any mom whose kid can game all afternoon will tell you, the problem comes when it's time to turn them OFF. There's never a good time (and no, your kids aren't lying; the games are designed that way). And there's no question video games are addicting- in a recent study, 6 out of 10 teens said they'd made their own attempts, apart from parental influence, to cut back. But the evidence linking gaming to hyperactivity, aggression, and worse grades at school is more tenuous than you might think. And there are distinct, significant advantages that gaming can give kids. In this episode, we discuss the good and bad of gaming, plus how to set household policies around gaming that will make everyone happy. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Adam Lobel et al: Video Gaming and Children’s Psychosocial Wellbeing: A Longitudinal Study Dawnthea Price Lisco for Slate Parenting: Decide What Age-Appropriate Means To You Science Daily: Video game ratings work, if you use them Science Daily: School, health and behavior suffer when children have TV, video games in bedroom Pew Research Center: Teens hold mixed opinions about whether they spend too much time in front of screens … Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Great Stay-Home Experiment continues, and no matter how many kids you have or how old they are, if you're a mom, your life just got more complicated. This episode is full of ideas for keeping kids busy, both indoors and out, with stuff you probably already have around the house. Some of these projects involve parental setup, but *not* parental participation, which is particularly clutch right now. Grab that videoconference time wherever you can! Lots of this episode's ideas came from our listeners. Our Facebook group is the perfect community right now! Tons of resources, laughs, and support. Join us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re still collecting data, but from our limited household samples, the realization that we’re all in this for somewhat longer than we had bargained for is having some ramifications. Homeschooling feels doable when it’s a snow-day novelty. It feels different when you’re relearning middle school math while also learning how to work from home and provide three meals a day instead of two.  On the plus side, a lot of things we usually spend our precious bandwidth on have become blessedly hypothetical. Anything that isn't this doesn't matter. Anything that is this? Is not something for which we are yet required to have any perspective at all. In the meantime, here's how we're coping and keeping it going. As always, laughter is helping, and that's why, more than ever, we're so grateful for this podcast community. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Cindy Muchnick is the author of THE PARENT COMPASS: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. Cindy has been working in education for the past 25+ years as a former Assistant Director of College Admission, high school teacher, and educational consultant. Cindy is also a mother of three sons and a daughter, now ages 16 to 24. In this interview Cindy, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The "true north" of the Parent Compass How to assess when you should and shouldn't intervene in our child's life How to reframe what success means for our kids To help our kids thrive, we first have to follow our own compasses as parents and investigate why we parent the way we do. This self-reflection helps us help our kids - which sometimes means helping them less. Here's where you can find Cindy: Twitter | @ParentCompass1 Instagram | @parentcompass Facebook | TheParentCompass www.cynthiamuchnick.com Buy Cindy's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641702881 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.  Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod21 and use code wfhpod21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping! Go to onepeloton.com to get $500 off Peloton Tread packages and choose the bundle you like best. All-access membership separate. Offer ends January 8, 2023. Excludes Tread basics. See additional terms at onepeloton.com. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't get us wrong: in most ways, we've gone feral. But here’s what’s actually working during this stay-at-home time, for us and for our listeners: for our anxiety for our family chore buy-in for our kitchen ennui for laughter for exercise and for our senses of hope. Above all, we offer you this: never interrupt a happy quarantined family member while they are doing... whatever it is that is making them happy. We love this quote from our listener Shannon: “Instead of having a schedule for your day, consider having a routine. If you have a nice routine of activities you do each day, you get into a comfortable rhythm. If you try to stick with a time to schedule, you might miss out on some lovely moments. Five minutes before we were supposed to be starting schoolwork, my kids built a blanket fort where my son read to my daughter. What a gift! School will start, but this moment is more important for their relationship and this mama's heart.” Here are links to things we mention in this episode: Power Within Fit family workouts on Facebook Cosmic Kids Yoga Sibling Revelry Project 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique Lazy Genius on Instagram: Become an Energy Detective Helen Dodd for The Conversation: Coronavirus-just letting children play will help them, and their parents, cope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we round the curve into what’s been a full month of Uno, math worksheets, and never going anywhere, we’ve all learned a few things. Here are our stay-at-home revelations about our homes, our cooking, our relationships, and our kids. We’re undergoing a Big Reset about what our families “need,” whether it’s another box from Amazon, family dinner conversations, or maternal interference in sibling squabbling.  The head of school at Amy’s daughter’s elementary school called this moment a “semi-colon for their childhoods.” Some parts of it have been pretty good, actually. Some parts horrible. It’s okay. We don’t have to pretend that this isn’t significant; we just have to do what we can to make it all a little easier.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back by popular demand: an all-new Quarantine Edition of What Kind of Monster? What kind of monster decides to go keto during a pandemic? Trades away toilet paper for sourdough starter? Finishes Mom’s chocolate stash, her razor-thin tether to sanity? Slices an avocado horizontally? Our listeners weigh in with the straws that will break their quarantine backs. It goes without saying that during these unprecedented times, we must greet other humans- particularly those with whom we share close quarters- with our maximum generosity. But THEN... come and vent about #WKOM is ruining your quarantine in our Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast And if you'd like to download Margaret's quarantunes playlist, it's here: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/covid-19/pl.u-78dpTpN1MZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Six weeks in, and most of us are having a lot of trouble with what one of our listeners called this "very strange limbo." That listener asked in our Facebook group what she might do to make herself get off the couch, stop looking at her phone, maintain momentum. Because that is the usual goal: we all know that once we stop running and rest, we won't be able to run as far when we try again. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. But here's the thing: when you run a marathon, and mile 19 gets really hard, you know what mile you're in. You know how much farther you have to go. And the people on the sidelines aren't small children yelling at you. Do the usual ideas we have about productivity and energy and momentum even apply in this moment? And if not, what are the new strategies we can put in place to help us make it to the next lamppost? Here are links to research and other things we discuss in this episode: our own Episode 142: Letting People Into Our Mess Brené Brown's podcast Unlocking Us The Lancet: The psychological impact of quarantine and how to reduce it: rapid review of the evidence Paul Ollinger for Forge: Your Only Goal Is To Arrive Judson Brewer for Harvard Business Review: Anxiety Is Contagious. Here’s How to Contain It. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked all of you to tell us your “mom wins” since quarantine life started- the smaller, the better. We're all taking success wherever we can find it these days. Whether it’s synchronized napping, picky eaters trying meatballs, or a 5-year-old who finally slept past 7 a.m., we salute all these successes, no matter how miniscule. Thanks to all of you for making our own mothering journeys so full of community and laughter. Happy Mother’s Day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're now on YouTube! Subscribe and catch our video shorts here: http://bit.ly/WFHyoutube After eight weeks in this new normal, our to-do lists have started to get a little lengthy. These days, we're all full-time stay-at-home AND work-at-home moms, and while the larger world seemed willing to let things slide for a while, we're feeling a lot more pressure to actually get stuff done. How do we get to what's most important in the extremely limited bursts of kid-free productivity we might have? Our guests are Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger, co-hosts of the Best of Both Worlds podcast, on how to get more out of life at work and at home. We're featured on their podcast this week too- you can find that episode, on how to find humor in parenting right now, here! Here are links to research and ideas discussed in this episode: the concept of extinction bursts Strangers Drowning: Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help by Larissa MacFarquhar Alice Boyce for Harvard Business Review: How Working Parents Can Let Go of Perfectionism Michaeleen Doucleff for NYT Parenting: Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker Jennifer Wallace for Washington Post's On Parenting: Life in lockdown is testing parents’ bandwidth, but there are ways to protect your mental energy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Potty training back-sliding? Pacifiers showing up at breakfast? Preschoolers in your bed? Tweens suddenly engaging in baby talk? Welcome to The Great Regression. It's no surprise that regressive behavior shows up in times of stress. Sometimes it's not as easy to spot, but whether it's more clingy behavior or more temper tantrums, regression is our kids' way of communicating that they are feeling insecure. As child development specialist Claire Lerner explains, "When kids feel out of control on the inside, they lose control on the outside." In this episode, we discuss how regressive behavior can manifest, including for grownups when we should let it be what works to address it, and what definitely doesn't Does it matter if your kid is still sucking her thumb in first grade because she was involved in a global pandemic? It does not. But addressing the underlying need for reassurance is the best way forward, for your kid and for you. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Caroline Bologna for HuffPost: 10 Mental Health Signs To Watch Out For In Kids In The Age Of COVID-19 Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: Regression in the Time of Coronavirus Hermioni N. Lokko, MD, MPP and Theodore A. Stern, MD: Regression: Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Management Heather Marcoux for Motherly: Why your big kid wants to be a 'baby' right now Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s the one thing that’s actually working right now?  Not grading on a curve, not a barely acceptable Band-Aid for these crazy times, but something you have found during these last months that you actually love and will totally keep doing?  Our listeners told us all the things, from walking the dog to Grateful Dad cover shows, that they’re doing by themselves, with a socially distanced friend, or with a loved one at home, that are really enjoyable right now.  The light-bulb moments for us in this episode were in order to have fun socially-distanced friend time, you need to have a shared secondary activity. Even if it’s a beer pong app.  in order to have renewing personal time, you need to have a fully engrossing, sensory-filling activity. Even if it’s mowing the lawn.  keep it bite-sized. We don’t have to talk to our friends for half an hour, or not at all.  What all these discoveries have in common is that it took what our listener Mollie calls “the leisure to dwell on little things” in order to find them. We love that. For that one thing, we are pretty grateful. Here are links to a few things mentioned in this episode: Nowhere Comedy Club Grateful Dead “Dead and Company” tribute shows TableTopics "Family Gathering" topic cards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here comes the summer of nothing! For older kids, camps and sports leagues and internships and jobs are canceled. For little kids, even "Camp Grandma" isn't a sure thing this year. We usually look forward to summer as a lazy-living, sleep in and lie around break from our usual hectic lives. But our kids have already *had* three months of lying around doing nothing, and the thought of three more months of cranky pajama time is not reassuring. How are we going to make July different from March this year? Our guests this week are Ashley Hearon-Smith and Keri Setaro from the Momtourage podcast. We talk with Ashley and Keri about the "special hard" of each age group when you're looking at a summer calendar with basically nothing on it. No matter how old your kids are, we think the answer is pretty much the same: give your kids the gift of free play, also known as the Land On The Other Side of Boredom. Here are links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Melissa Bernstein for Thrive Global: How Screen Time is Edging Out Play Time – and Why It Matters Esther Entin for The Atlantic: All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed Peter Gray: Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life  Michael E. Ruane for Washington Post: The coronavirus wrecked spring. Will it claim summer, too? Sydney Trent for Washington Post: Summer jobs for teens are scarce, but a little boredom has its benefits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The idea that our kids are colorblind, and that we therefore should put off talking to our kids about race because they’re too young to understand its complicating factors, is wrong. And mothers of color could have told us that a long time ago. As parents, we should be talking about race with our kids early and often. Dr. Erin Winkler’s work shows that when parents are silent about race with our kids, or use "colorblind" rhetoric, we may actually reinforce racial prejudice. Yes, exploring race and racism and its many implications makes many of us uncomfortable. But it may be a lot easier than we're making it, as this week's guest, Deborah Porter, explains:  “You have to be able to tell the truth in an age-appropriate way. To not discuss race is not being truthful. We can be truthful with our children about what race looks like in an age-appropriate way, where for them, it's just the thing that we're talking about today." We've created a Google doc with lists and articles and videos and social media accounts that can help us all in our work of raising anti-racist kids. You can find the list at bit.ly/raisingantiracistkids. If you see other resources you'd like us to add, tag us or send us an email: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com. Here are links to writing and research on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Mellody Hobson’s TED Talk: Color Blind, or Color Brave?  Dr. Erin Winkler: Children Are Not Colorblind: How Young Children Learn Race Sierra Filucci for Common Sense Media: How White Parents Can Use Media to Raise Anti-Racist Kids prettygooddesign.org: Your Kids Aren't Too Young to Talk About Race: Resource Roundup "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack" by Peggy McIntosh Margaret Hagerman for Time: Why White Parents Need to Do More Than Talk to Their Kids About Racism Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutting it all down was definitely hard, but the parameters of the assignment were clear. Reopening is more like: do what you want when we think you can, or at least aren't fully convinced that you can’t. Most of us are probably going to need to leave our houses before vaccines are available at your neighborhood Walgreens. But how do we do that safely when kids touch seriously everything? When masks are optional? When all we are learning about this virus is how little we know?  We live in a world where we are entitled to make our own decisions, for ourselves and for our families. But other people's decisions affect us, including some people we are closely related to. How do we understand and mitigate the actual risks? How are we going to do this when everyone’s doing it differently? Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Carolyn Hax: Balancing snowbird migration and virus mitigation German Lopez and Amanda Northrop for Vox: How to weigh the risk of going out in the coronavirus pandemic, in one chart Emily Oster: Grandparents & Day Care Roni Caryn Rabin for NYT: How to Navigate Your Community Reopening? Remember the Four C’s Leana S. Wen for Washington Post: Four concepts to assess your personal risk as the U.S. reopens Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No joke: this is a particularly anxiety-provoking time. And even if our kids are little, and we manage to keep the TV off most of the time, they're still picking up on a certain hum in the house, a new and different frequency.  But our job as parents is not to make it feel like like the pandemic, the social unrest, the climate change, and the coarsened social discourse of this moment isn't happening. Our job is to talk with our children about these times in age-appropriate ways. Here's the good news: we're not supposed to present our kids with the solutions to all the things that might scare them. We're supposed to meet them where they are, help them discuss their feelings, and then ask them what feels like the right thing to do next. Our guest this week is Dr. Abigail Gewirtz, a professor at the University of Minnesota. She’s an award-winning child psychologist and leading expert on families under stress,  Her new book is WHEN THE WORLD FEELS LIKE A SCARY PLACE: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids. There couldn't be a better book for right now! It offers parents a clear and practical guide to discussing sensitive topics in a calm, reassuring, and productive way, that will help kids comprehend and process the world around them.  We also mentioned The Week Jr. as a great resource for your 8-14 year old child to receive clear and non-terrifying information about these newsworthy times. If you have a kid who is asking questions, it's a relief to be able to offer them accurate information that won't be more than they can handle.The latest issue is available for free download here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aqNTPKKk7fs6iNMX2zvCuDRiPJzxHbyC/view Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This extended pause has been really hard for some of our kids, and actually sort of good for others. For every lonely preschooler who just wants to finally have someone to play “bad guys” with, there’s a formerly rambunctious middle-schooler who became a real scholar without all the distractions of the in-person classroom.  And the happiest kids have sometimes surprised us. The family Eeyore is sunnily certain things will be back to normal soon, while the happy-go-lucky one is taking more naps. We've learned (again) that our kids are more complicated than we imagined. In this episode, we discuss the things we’ve learned about our kids and will take forward as parents, both for the kids who have weirdly thrived and for those who have struggled.  Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Aaron E. Carroll for the NYT: The Coronavirus Has Made It Obvious. Teenagers Should Start School Later. Nora Fleming for Edutopia: Why Are Some Kids Thriving During Remote Learning? Randy Kulman, Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Will Distance Learning Produce a Coronavirus Virus Slump? Debbie Meyer for Education Post: It Was Hard Being a Dyslexia Mom Before Coronavirus, And Now It's Even Harder Debbie Meyer for Education Post: Here’s How Remote Learning Could Help Struggling Readers Caroline Preston for The Hechinger Report: ‘A drastic experiment in progress’: How will coronavirus change our kids? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fess up: everyone's got a Bad Mom Moment. Or twelve. We tend to hold these things really close, our shame rooted in deep certainty that no other mother has ever temporarily forgotten their baby in the toy aisle at Target. Guess what? You're not alone. Here are some of our listeners' Bad Mom Moments– and more than a few of our own. Our guest this week is Arianna Bradford, the brains behind The NYAM (Not Your Average Mom) Project, a website dedicated to helping parents -- moms especially -- celebrate the person they are outside of their role as a parent. Her new book, SHAME ON YOU: BIG TRUTHS FROM A BAD MOM, is a hilarious collection of parenting essays that focus as much on a mother's mental health as they do on kids, and how very, very strange they are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Even the cheeriest and sunniest of parents are hitting the wall. We're over it. This stinks. Even the most ‘We’ll make a fun obstacle course in the yard!’ moms are suddenly thinking ‘No. NO. I don't want to do this anymore.’” Somehow we've traveled past denial, to bargaining, then circled back to anger, without seeing so much of the acceptance part. That’s life on the coronacoaster. We think this is particularly hard for parents, because we have to hold together some semblance of certainty for our kids that everything's going to be fine amidst our own complete uncertainty. Saying "you don't have to be scared" even when we feel scared. Taking on the anxiety and frustration and boredom and irritation of our littles when we haven’t worked out our own. We don’t have a ton of solutions this week, but we review some rules for zen living and figure out how we might do those a bit more. In the meantime, knowing we’re not alone in feeling this way definitely helps.  Here are links to the things we discuss in this episode: Dylan Buckley for BetterHelp: Understanding The Stages Of Grief Deb Perelman for NYT: In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to divide the world into two kinds of people, and to stake out their claims on one side. Sleep cuddler or stop-breathing-on-me? Book finisher or life-is-too-short-er? Shoes on or off in the house? Many of you gave slightly judgmental “there’s me, and the crazy people” types of responses. Others gave "there's the right way to do it, and the way my spouse does it" sorts of answers. All of which, in this episode, we are totally here for. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As soon as you become a mother unsolicited advice-givers are everywhere, telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or “it gets easier.” Or “enjoy every moment.” Out of all the advice (parenting and otherwise) that we and our listeners have ever received, here is a selection of the very worst. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From board rooms to town halls to IEP meetings to doctor's offices, there are places where women speaking up for what they want or need are either ignored, resented, or just not taken seriously. (Anyone who's ever had been told by a contractor to "put her husband on the phone, and I'll explain it to him" can tell you that.) That's why our girls need to be trained in the arts of asking and negotiating– not only because those are things we don’t teach our daughters as well as we teach our sons, but also because the world often doesn’t reward women who speak up. We discuss how to value our daughters' voices– and teach them to do the same– with Marisa Porges, author of the new book WHAT GIRLS NEED: How to Raise Bold, Courageous, and Resilient Women. Here are links to other writing on the subject that we discuss in this episode: Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever  Deborah A. Small et al: Who Goes to the Bargaining Table? The Influence of Gender and Framing on the Initiation of Negotiation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our kids’ schools have sent plans. And revised plans. And codicils to the plans. Now it’s time to make our own decisions: if the choice is available to us, are our kids going back to classrooms this fall? Here are the factors that are driving our own decisions– knowing that the ‘right’ answer is fundamentally non-existent, and that this calculus is by definition personal. As Adrianne La France writes for The Atlantic: "All along, this disaster has been simultaneously wholly shared and wholly individualized, a weird dissonance in a collective tragedy that each person, each family, has to navigate with intricate specificity to their circumstances." Amy drops some big news in this episode: her family has had coronavirus. We'll be following up with a bonus episode specifically about that later this week. Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: New York Times: What Back to School Might Look Like in the Age of Covid-19 Ann V. Klotz: This Is The Song That Never Ends Claire Cain Miller for the NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree. Adrianne La France for The Atlantic: ‘This Push to Open Schools Is Guaranteed to Fail’ WGBH: Harvard Epidemiologist: 'Hybrid' Model For Reopening Schools Is 'Probably Among The Worst' Options Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Momming is hard. Whether we’re stressed perfectionists or hot messes, our homes and relationships get happier when we do what matters, skip what doesn’t– and clarify what goes in what pile for each of us. Our guest, Kendra Adachi, is better known as "The Lazy Genius." Her new book is THE LAZY GENIUS WAY: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn't, And Get Stuff Done. Kendra says we don't need a new productivity plan; what we need are new ways to see. In other words: stop feeling bad that you're not adhering to All The Systems. Make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All mothers overthink sometimes. But isn’t that our job description? To look at our baby and whatever she’s holding and think: how is she going to injure, burn, ruin or cause disaster to herself by interacting with that object? There’s an industrial complex set up around motherhood that makes its money when we feel off-balance and insecure. If we “want what’s best” for our baby, then shouldn’t we make sure that everything around him is superlative?  Then the rest of society mocks us relentlessly for the very helicoptering and overthinking that all those stories about murder hornets caused us to undergo in the first place.  But okay, yes: from redshirting to breastfeeding to left-handed scissors, here are are a few of the parenting topics that, looking back, we and our listeners just MIGHT have overthought.  Amy’s book When Did I Get Like This? is on this exact topic. Have you read it yet? Grab it here:  https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780061963964 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Uh, we did not sign up for this. Did we? Yes, in sickness and in health, yada yada yada, but nowhere in our long-term commitment plans with our spouses was there any indication that we would spend months on end working from home and together 24/7. Studies prove that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. The time apart makes us biologically motivated to mend that separation. Plus, a partner who's been traveling for a week might come back with some interesting stories. When you're already sharing every moment of every day, the sparkle in your relationship might be a little harder to come by. Remember when we had to plan date nights? The best tip we've heard for getting through these times may be to flip that on its head: put a YOYO dinner on the calendar. You're On Your Own. Frozen lasagna or cereal or nothing. Doesn't that sound heavenly? It's okay to schedule a little separation right now, whenever and wherever that can happen. We talk other quarantine love lessons with our guest Damona Hoffman, host of the podcast Dates and Mates. Damona suggests getting through this time by structuring self-care– the kind that helps us bring our best selves to these challenging times, more than the kind that's the chardonnay that makes us cranky and tired by 8:15. (Hmm, maybe she's on to something.) Start listening here: https://damonahoffman.com/dates-mates-podcast/ Here are links to other research and writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Jessica Grose for NYT: Missing the Partner You See 24/7 MIT Technology Review: Data Mining Reveals First Evidence That Absence Really Does Make the Heart Grow Fonder Jennifer A Theiss, Ph.D for Psychology Today: Factors That Prompt Turbulence in Romantic Relationships Heidi Stevens for Chicago Tribune: Dealing with conflicts and teen angst Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Negativity is a biological imperative–we're wired to pay more attention to the bad things around us in order for us to survive. Still, some among us are a little more Debbie-Downer than others. And the problem is, that negativity is contagious. After six months at home with a whining preschooler and an eye-rolling tween, the negativity is getting old. Real old. Our listener Keri posed this question: "How do y’all deal with the constant negativity of having little kids? I just finished dealing with my 5-year-old’s whining and attitude (“I’m getting tired of you, mommy!” Feeling’s mutual, kid!) and now the toddler is whining and crying. It feels like they take turns and there’s very little time when one or the other isn’t bringing the negativity. As someone who doesn’t do well in a negative atmosphere, it really gets to me." In this episode, we discuss strategies both for stopping negativity in its tracks and for resisting its pull. There's lots to be down about right now. But if there's going to be a reset in our homes, it's probably going to have to start with us. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Dr. Daniel Amen for Additude: Why We Crave the Drama That Sabotages Relationships Catherine Moore for Positive Psychology: What Is The Negativity Bias and How Can it be Overcome? Kevin J. Roberts: Negativity Dr. Stuart Shanker for The MEHRIT Centre: “Reframing” Challenging Behaviour, Part 1: Blue Brain, Red Brain, and Brown Brain Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are always a little reluctant about transitioning back to school. This year that reluctance was more properly called dread (despite the truly heroic efforts of the teachers, administrators, and staff in our children's lives. THANK YOU.) We feel this way because we were supposed to be done by now, have this all figured out, have our kids skipping back to hug all their friends. But Back-to-school 2020 is not the finish line we thought it would be; instead, it’s a reminder that the finish line is very much not in sight.  But for us, a lot of our anxiety around this was actually anticipatory anxiety- the masks and the Zooms and School With More Rules seemed scarier in concept than it really has been in practice.  We may have fallen into "uncertainty distress," what Dr. Mark Freeston and his researchers at Cambridge call the "subjective negative emotions that one experiences in response to the as-yet unknown aspects of a given situation." In other words, what we are dreading as our kids begin school is not actually that they have to wear a mask during PE– it's what else might happen next that we don't even know about yet. It's possible to separate out uncertainty and threat in our minds. If we think what if school closes this winter? and feel our hearts start to race, we are reacting to the uncertainty, not to a direct threat. Worrying about each potential bad outcome before it happens will not make those things less likely to happen, but it may make us a little less nimble and ready to pivot if a threat does occur. Whatever happens, lean on your mom friends, and remember that, as developmental psychologist Stephanie Grant explains: "Our priority as parents this fall is to remain regulated for our kids, much more than to provide academic instruction.” Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: AL Inclusive Therapy on FB: https://www.facebook.com/ALinclusivetherapy/posts/369922694400517 Dr. Mark Freeston et al, Cambridge University Press: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340653312_Towards_a_model_of_uncertainty_distress_in_the_context_of_Coronavirus_Covid-19 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

By popular request, we're back with another list of the things that are getting us through the days right now. Some of these are for our kids (since a happily occupied kid equals a mom with one less problem). Some of these are just for us. Here are links to the some of the must-haves we discuss. If your podcast app doesn't support hyperlinks, you can also find this list at https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/09/ep174/. The Vow Uncover podcast Gorilla Gym Slack line Etsy shops like Speck Custom Woodwork Kids' subscription kits like KiwiCo Wall-hanging file folders Wireless earbuds that don't cost $100 Mini trampoline   Zero gravity chair  Pendleton blanket Weighted blanket  Pete’s A Pizza by William Steig Totally Rudy's DIY American Girl YouTube channel Selling Sunset (Margaret's current "secret shame show") AllTrails app Disclosure: some of the above links are affiliate links, and What Fresh Hell may receive commissions for purchases made through them. But these are all products we highly recommend! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how sometimes a loved one or friend will do something that annoys you, but then you think: is it me? How mad should I be?  Our listeners told us what past “crimes” they’re currently holding grudges about– infractions committed by their spouses, children, mothers-in-law, and even dogs. This week we are rating each of these grudges on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “you have no right to be angry at all,” and 10 is “no jury would convict you.”  Excluded from family photos because you’re “not really family”? Given a suspicious regift of corporate-branded popcorn for your anniversary? Told that you look tired, and should therefore exercise more? Oh, you get to be angry. And this episode is just for you.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how? A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women.  Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more. If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well. In this episode, we talk about how to get started. Here are links to the research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode: Elamin Abdelmahmoud for Buzzfeed: How The Pandemic Has Exacerbated The Gender Divide In Household Labor Claire Cain Miller for NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree. Jessica Grose for NYT: They Go To Mommy First Danielle Rhubart for Syracuse University: Gender Disparities in Caretaking during the COVID-19 Pandemic Thébaud, S., Kornrich, S., & Ruppanner, L. (2019). Great housekeeping, great expectations: Gender and housework norms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man. Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place. In this episode we discuss the difference between a hard no and a soft no where to practice your no how to decide once what's a no why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t” In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation? If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there. Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Jackie Ashton for Washington Post On Parenting: The art of saying no: How to raise kids to be polite, not pushovers Jessica Bennett for NYT: Welcome to the 'No' Club Brené Brown for oprah.com: 3 Ways To Set Boundaries Meghan Keane for NPR's Life Kit: How To Say No, For The People Pleaser Who Always Says Yes Sarah Mendekick for LA Times Op-Ed: Men can’t hear it, women don’t say it — the everyday importance of ‘no’ Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace." Samantha Radocchia for women2.com: LEARNING THE ART OF SAYING ‘NO’ Kristin Wong for NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often ...and finally, the legendary E.B. White, who never had any problem saying no, reading Charlotte's Web Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Don’t you dare hug Grandma.” “Stop playing on the floor and get on screen.” “Yes, we can go to the playground, but you may not play with the other children.” We asked our listeners in our Facebook group to tell us all the things never thought we’d say– and now are. Not all of these things are bad. Amy has become a fan of dog walking, now that it's a guaranteed 15-minute respite from Zoom. Others, of course, are not so great. Life on the coronacoaster can be pretty surprising sometimes. (One correction: Amy makes a half-remembered Biblical reference to sparrows who neither toil nor spin. It's actually the lilies of the field.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you love crunchy leaves and chunky sweaters? Or do the shortening, darkening days fill you with nothing but pumpkin-spiced dread? Amy's hiding under her weighted blanket with her pandemic gloom. Margaret's doubling down on the backyard firepit and everything that's spooky. And our guest, Biz Ellis of One Bad Mother, is turning the entire outside of her home into a candy-covered Halloween wonderland. We talk about our various approaches to this year's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans- and how involving our kids in thinking creatively might just be what gets us through this very unusual fall. Get One Bad Mother's book- and all the books you hear about on our show- in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast. Here are links to some of the things we discuss in this episode:  CDC's Halloween guidelines for 2020: "If screaming will likely occur, greater distancing is advised." Amy's Instagram Live conversation with Sarah Powers of The Mom Hour Sears Wish Book  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices