Explore every episode of Two Girls One Mic: The Porncast
Dive into the complete episode list for Two Girls One Mic: The Porncast. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
Rows per page:
50
1–50 of 161
Pub. Date
Title
Duration
05 Sep 2018
#2- Virtual Reality Porn
01:05:16
Porn Star and VR Cam Queen, Ela Darling (@ElaDarling) joins Yvette and Alice to talk about her transition from reference librarian to VR porn, discuss teledildonics, adult toys gone awry, sex robot brothels, porn awards, and life after porn.
Alice and Kate are joined by male pornstar, Will Pounder (@TheWillPounder)! The trio discusss moving to vegas, Will being a military vet, getting into porn on a bet, Deeper, gang bang tips, blow bang vs gang bang, teeth, shooting VR porn, Teledildonics, Crypto, Neutropics, and more!
Alice and Yvette are joined by industry legend, Nina Hartley (@ninaland). The ladies discuss everything from longevity in the industry, gag reflexes, tips to satisfy your partner, pornolingus, anti-porn feminism, sterilization, incels, and much more.
Alice & Yvette are joined by film snobs, Kevin Goatee (@KevinGootee) & Kevin Israel (@kevinisrael_nj) to review the adult parody of Saved by the Bell! Other than checking in on how adult Bayside High did they discuss "discopolo", ringtones, USC students, ruinning movies, Qanon, phantom dick, semen tasting, and more!
Yvette and Alice reflect on podcasting in 2018. Of course, they ask the hard hitting questions— would ranch, honey mustard, or Country Crock be good lube? Why aren’t more men offering threesomes with their guy pals? Why are women farting on sheet cakes? Also a discussion on FB, UK, US, and Chinese porn regulations.
Alice & Yvette are joined by Sydney Leathers (@sydneyelainexo) to tells all about what happens when you are involved in an international sexting scandal... at 22 in a pre-me too era. The ladies also discuss saving democracy, labiaplasty, nazis, and much more.
Alice & Yvette are joined by multi award winning veteran pornstar and cat lover, Lance Hart (@lancehartfetish). The MFF this week discuss sweets, cross over performers, industry testing, how he almost accidentally died on set, and dick injections. Don't forget to leave us a review!
Unknown Speaker 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls one mic the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mike where we couldn't afford getting sponsored by I can't believe it's not butter, but we did get Fuck off. It's not Manet's. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. And with me I have my fantastic co host you've had Don trauma David, how you doing today? I'm confused about where I'm supposed to put the mayonnaise. Is this an anal lube is this is this part of foreplay, I'm, I'm perturbed about why couldn't we get I can't believe it's not but why not butter? Why not just go straight for lard or coconut oil? No, no, I mean, it's kind of like when I get yogurt out of fridge and I hope these aren't Hornets or you know, I get the off brand version where it's like, oh fuck my ass, but that's good. peanut brittle. You know what you pick up at Trader Joe's right now I'm picturing eating peanut brittle off of a pussy but it's kind have like you know those little candies? You got off like the little button candies off of paper. It'd be like that like it's like a preset appetizer. Can I be honest? I never ate any of those candies. You know what you're not missing out. It's little dots of idiocy that just looked cute. This was not a good candy. We had some bad candies, kids, but they looked adorable enough to eat and I think that's what matters. Yeah, we were tricked into that one. We were tricked into wanting it. We were tricked into telling our parents to buy it and then we sat there going, this is fun. And while we ate paper, we ate sugar. We colored sugar i'd paper and we enjoyed it. So you kids with your iPhones and your better candy than us. You know what, fuck it. We got to run around outside and not have our childhoods on social media. So it was pretty cool. That's the one good thing where you know, we can't be held back from college because of our social media. You know, I'm just saying but we lived in fear of our quote, permanent record. So yeah, like there's shit that I just didn't do because I'm pretty sure that I was Like no matter what you said did something someone was going to find out like so I think that just kept me from not doing bad milk too much bad shit. I mean, the internet is definitely a permanent record nowadays, but I kind of want to go back to a candy jewelry. I mean, now I'm thinking about candy panties and the ones with hard candy. For who's the Woodchuck? Hmm, who can tear through those with their teeth? Not any dentist, whose dentures are possible most Chuck awful balls. That's Yeah, that's that's some inappropriate shit right there. That's not okay. I don't feel good about that. I'm going to need more therapy for that one. Sorry. It's just
Unknown Speaker 3:41 a blank childhood.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:43 Look, my childhood ruined my childhood. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 3:47 I do what I do. Well, you know, there's someone else we could ask for their opinion. And that is we're having an MFF today. I'm so excited. I think we need more of these in our life. I agree. And we're not only having it with Any ATM we're having a fantastic today. Oh, with Lance Hart. Oh, Lance, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. You just came from work. So thank you so much.
Lance Hart 4:11 Well, I was just downstairs in order didn't have to commute. So they're actually still the people that are paid to fuck each other today. They're still in my kitchen eating candy. Speaking of candy, we had
Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 to pay people to fuck each other today. That's, that is not a thing I got that I've ever gotten to do in my life as a scientist. So this is Yeah, tell our audience what you do.
Lance Hart 4:31 Well, one of them is a scientist. So there's that but there's just coincidentally but I make porn and I put it on the internet. Wait,
Yvette d'Entremont 4:38 a scientist in the porn are a scientist for the day job.
Lance Hart 4:41 He was a chemical engineer, I guess. Yeah, for the government, I think and then a bunch of than a pro rugby player. And then now he's a male porn star. You know, it's kind of done at all. Yeah, that's good to know. But what do I do? I do I make more and I put it on the internet. And I try to make money from that and it works. works out really good. And then I'm 40 but people still put me in there porn. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 5:04 I mean, Lance, you've been doing this for well over 10 years. I mean, you're one of the most prolific adult stars there is. I mean, I, I kind of want to come through the awards, but there's too many to list. Oh, you've done it there for years. They're all stuff they
Lance Hart 5:18 like I've won an award, but no one had heard of the like festival that it came from, you know, to meet and then finally, this year, they're starting to the bigger ones are coming. There's a
Yvette d'Entremont 5:25 pile now. So it's hard to ignore.
Lance Hart 5:27 Yeah, they just sit around. There's like a n table thing that my cats lay on. And they kind of weave in between them. And like, they're rather chin on like, because some of them are spiky. You know, the awards, and they just they like that skin for the cat rubber. Do
Yvette d'Entremont 5:42 you have enough awards for a scratching post for your
Unknown Speaker 5:44 scratching? Yeah.
Lance Hart 5:48 It's good. That's what I wanted. And then Charlotte My wife has too so it's, you know, it's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag of just pointy thanks. All the porn awards. None of them are things you'd want to put in your but
Unknown Speaker 5:59 I know Kate Kennedy once did to someone else, she fucked someone. I think she put an AVM into someone's butt or vagina. I don't know one of those holes. Maybe it was dp.
Lance Hart 6:12 Yeah. My friend Pierce Paris put a gay vn, which is the same, it's the same award. It's the same size and everything. He put one of those up as bought this year. And it was his big. I was like to him too. That's aggressive. He's brave. like Abraham Lincoln said he's brave to put that up as a pioneer.
Unknown Speaker 6:26 I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Abraham Lincoln said.
Lance Hart 6:30 About bravery. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 6:32 Well also about putting stuff into your ass. Yeah, there's a lot of bravery involved. You said something about bravery and put things in your butt. I do remember that in the Gettysburg Address, Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers said let us shove this up our asses. Yeah, that was that was you know, in there. It was subtext.
Lance Hart 6:49 Yeah. He had a boyfriend right didn't Lincoln. Someone told me that I heard it on the internet.
Yvette d'Entremont 6:54 You know how I heard fairly recently was bisexual. Mr. Rogers.
Lance Hart 6:58 Oh yeah. I believe it to you. That's immediate. I'm like, yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 7:01 that made me so happy. The nicest human being ever also bisexual also
Lance Hart 7:05 does it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was. Today was a good day we, uh, speaking of candy, we get a lot of candy and I always have a lot of candy. I have you know, sprees. You know sprees are like
Yvette d'Entremont 7:18 chewy spray or like the crumbly spray. That's that's our way. I don't know what a chewy spree is like a top tier candy. Yeah,
Lance Hart 7:26 I like the original sprig. I like chewy sprays, but the thing is, they're so tart. You can't eat like two mouthfuls of them. It's too much you're like I've had too much now I want to eat something healthy or something stupid, but like sprees, the original it's just sugar it's like a hard like disc of sugar sweet tart, but it's got Oh, okay. That's basically what it is. But they're delicious. And they don't sell them and gas stations anymore. They're now they still sweetheart. That was pretty so I ordered them online so I get like a box from Amazon like once a month. Put them in the pantry.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:00 All my relatives live in Canada. So whenever I'm up there sprees are everywhere. Oh, they have Saprissa
Lance Hart 8:04 is it wonder if it's a Canadian? Well, it's a Wonka thing. Is he Canadian?
Yvette d'Entremont 8:08 I don't know if it's a Canadian thing or if it's just they're popular up there. So I find them like there are candies that like I lived in England for a while my relatives are in Canada and they have the same little bits of candy up there. So whenever I'm up there, I'm like, I'm stocking up now. Yeah, I have a suitcase full of candy right like this will last a year. Nope.
Lance Hart 8:26 Yeah, I'll go to Germany a few weeks with my wife and I've never been to Europe so I'm like exhausted
Yvette d'Entremont 8:32 yeah she's gonna have a million suggest Alice is polish and she pollen she'll have the simpson
Lance Hart 8:38 said Germany's Atlanta chocolate so I'm interested like as to how they roll but I'm just I'm really into American like Snickers bars and shit you know to be like really like the I've had fancy chocolate, but I like a watch McCall or like a take five bar. So I'm like interested how that roll.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:53 I have one suggestion. Try everything. Yeah, you can find it. Do you like Cadbury eggs
Lance Hart 9:00 So my thing I'm not super into Cadbury eggs.
Yvette d'Entremont 9:03 Here's the thing the British Cadbury egg is bigger and it has a different chocolate and a slightly more marzipan II taste to the cream inside. And I have a picture of the two of them side by side and it like blew people's minds because they're like what? I'm candy is bigger outside of the US.
Lance Hart 9:20 Yes, I'm American. Yeah, it was I lived there for grad school and I was just I was like, Why are these so addictive? I didn't like them in the US and I realized the ones in the US are made by Hershey's so maybe over there I like them. I'm way open minded. I mean, I want to know I want to get all the sausages and Charlotte says they have a pastry like really good pastry. We're going to go crazy on pastries. So it's gonna be I'm just gonna be a big fat person when I get home. It's gonna be you're gonna
Unknown Speaker 9:45 walk so much that you'll you won't gain anything. What I highly suggest I'm huge on curry worst. So get some curry worst which is basically Bratwurst with curry and get some fries and mayo in the middle. They have in Germany I don't know what they put in it okay um if they put actual Germans in them yeah who knows maybe it's very possible yeah exactly so maybe ash that's still in the air if you are offended by that joke I am our designated you email us at info into girls on my send me your hatred for making a joke about my dead relatives. Yeah but the point is it is delicious curry worse the fries Mayo especially after i mean i don't know if you drink or not but a beer tour.
Lance Hart 10:33 Oh I don't drink so I'm yeah so over a long time but I'll eat the crapper candies and stuff. I'll eat food that's like cooked and alcohol as long as it's not like yeah, like what am I gonna eat or rumble? I think
Yvette d'Entremont 10:44 was cooked it alcohol the alcohol Yeah,
Lance Hart 10:47 I mean to some extent like like beer better I actually I would eat I'm not like it's not like oh, that's bad for me. But I just I don't like the taste because I yeah beer which for me was for getting drunk. It wasn't like I wanted to drink for the Tastes drink like Gatorade or some shit. You know? Like it wouldn't be drinking beer, you know, but
Yvette d'Entremont 11:04 I'm lucky with alcohol like it just I don't like feeling drunk. So it's like I'll have I will have one and at that point, I'm like, Whoa, the roof spinning so I've got I have one drink tolerance, and I know that's where I stop. Yeah, you don't. You don't have the alcohol on the other hand, we deal.
Lance Hart 11:21 Are you in LA?
Unknown Speaker 11:22 Indeed? Are you okay? Yeah,
Lance Hart 11:24 no, I just you said not So assume delay. So please, yeah, indeed. Everybody's Hi. It's awesome. Vegas
Yvette d'Entremont 11:30 is it's legal now. So you get a contact when you get off the plane at LAX. Yeah,
Lance Hart 11:34 it's
Yvette d'Entremont 11:36 so Hi. It's funny. Well, my family's in the industry. So okay, my in laws, so it's just it's unavoidable. Basically.
Lance Hart 11:43 Yes, everywhere. I think it's cool. It's better than locking people up for that shit. That's crazy. That Yeah, seems barbaric. Only like six months later, right?
Unknown Speaker 11:52 Yeah. Now all they have to do is release everybody who's a nonviolent drug offender who ever went to jail for an ounce of pot. Yeah. Get on that next I know in New Jersey they attempted to legalize pot in some sense but that was the exact issue they got stuck over they weren't sure whether or not where do we draw the line as far as convictions go and releasing people you know what was the exact amount and they couldn't figure that out and for that reason purchased in become legal in New Jersey Wow, they couldn't figure out how to be nice about shit so they're like let's just not be nice at all. Yeah, like hey, just what makes you enthusiastic about pot versus a pot dealer versus you just have a lot of pot right and you know that all these fuckers smoke like I'm sorry, I know politicians. I've gotten enough of them. Hi. These assholes all benefit from the fact that they run the country so they they're no they're not going to get in trouble. Yeah, so takes a lot for all of you that I've gotten high, fucking make it legal.
Lance Hart 12:49 I grew up in DC and our mayor was on crack. And then he got reelected. He got caught on he was on the news smoking crack with a hooker
Yvette d'Entremont 12:58 well done. That's like a trip. Right there. We're watching our
Lance Hart 13:01 mayor and he's on TV and he's just getting busted. And he's just hi is this guy on crack and he's like that bit set me up that bush set me up. So that was a running joke in DC if he got caught doing anything bad, you're just like that bit set me up, you know, because the mayor was on crack, and they reelected him. Wait, what's
Unknown Speaker 13:20 his name? Like? Marian barriers?
Lance Hart 13:23 is an actual Berry. It's an actual like there's a fruit a berry. That's a marionberry in his name, his name would be like if your your full name was strawberry, girl CRAN gram what's your last name? berry cranberry? Okay, that's the thing. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 13:38 If you have a barrier, please email us at info to girls one Mike comm we want to hear from you. I want someone named absolute to email us. ABCD people have named their kids that absolutely. Oh my god. Like I don't know if someone looked at that and went Wow, that's a beautiful name and only realized later it was the first five letters but I look at that, like, I can't help but laugh. Little bit at that and I feel bad because I thought that's not trying. That's what that is, you know, maybe in someone else's language that's just a beautiful name and I'm, you know, I could be the duck here but I'm also going up to the
Lance Hart 14:12 Yeah, I can't not laugh at a cat I couldn't name for a long time.
Unknown Speaker 14:15 You're not the deck. I mean, the parents are the deck. I look at it and go was that like a 72 hour labor? Like at that point? I'd be like, abs. Abs. Fuck you, kid. Well, you have to write letters, ma'am. Oh, go home. Okay, cool. It's like the parents who name their kids the reverse version of heaven. nivia.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:35 Yeah, please, parents. Please don't do this to your kids. I'm just saying it's been done.
Lance Hart 14:40 I didn't get to pick my porn name. I wanted to be Rufus. thunderpants. Oh, I thought it sounded flashy.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:45 Rufus. thunderpants. Is bankable as fuck.
Lance Hart 14:47 It sounds good. It would have been a long Twitter. I didn't consider Twitter because it was like 2007. But um, I was working for a gay porn company. And it was like glamour gay porn. It's like fancy like Shaun Cody is fancy gay porn. They said what you want your name to be? I was like Rufus thunderpants and they're like, Lance, just Lance no last name. And I was like, Okay, I'll be Lance. So there you go. And then when I got out of the contract there I just threw heart at the end but
Unknown Speaker 15:12 I get to pick it you know up here someone's hard at work. So how did you get into porn?
Lance Hart 15:18 Well I tried a lot of jobs in a sucker all of them and then as it turns out, I was pretty good at porn. So you know to read I go where your talent is yours, Helen is all my friends were like, I mean, I went to college big waste time and got a degree and did that scam and then what's your degree in English? Like what creative writing but really, it's like American literature because there's not much I don't know, in other schools at my school, we took like two classes where we wrote for a creative writing degree and then the rest of it was reading American literature. So it was like modern American literature I guess. So I did that got jobs, business jobs. It was a businessman wore suit and sucked at that. And then that did a lot of construction Joe jobs valet retail Yours, all kinds of shit. And then, um, my friends were like, you gotta find what you love. You know, but one of the best friends is a construction guy and he's passionate about it. And he loves it. And he's good. He makes a shit ton of money, because he can make the most beautiful kitchen or bathroom in the world. You know what I mean? He's just amazing. So he's an artist. That's cool. I don't have anything like that. And meanwhile, I'm like, jerking off to porn, like, three, four hours a night. It's right in front of me. And everyone's like, do what you love. And then someone asked me to, you know, they're like, you can be at our porn. And then I did it. No, it's like, this is it. This is what I'm good at what and then it took a couple years to like, come out with it. I like kept day jobs, even though I was making way more money in porn, because I didn't want people to ask so what do you do for work now because everybody knew I always was jobs job job. So I just kept sales jobs and stuff like that, even though I hated them. And then eventually I was like, enough's enough. I'm just gonna tell everybody, and I did. And it worked out. I had some friends, not take it well, and family didn't take it well, but now, my family and I are cool. We didn't give up on each other. Basically. We just like cats, like they're very right wing Southern people. And they're not very open minded to certain things, but they're very open minded to a lot of things. You know, it's just the way they are the way they grew up. So when they saw their son on the internet doing gay sex, or transects, or femme DOM and stuff, they were like, what is that? Like, blew their minds. And so I just tried to be sympathetic with that. And it took a couple years, but we got to where we're totally cool. Now, you know what I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 17:27 there was a great quote from Dan Savage, there are things a parent has a right not to know about their children. And unfortunately, because of what you do that those are things that they it was harder to avoid.
Lance Hart 17:38 They got a bad deal there. And I respect that it's probably traumatic for them. I mean, it'd be just as traumatic if when I was a kid, if they're having sex around me or something, you know, I mean, like, openly, I would probably have some kind of trauma so I'm sure it traumatized them. So I had to really not be whining about because it's tempting to be like they don't accept me the way I am. Why, you know, but you know, it's a thing, man. Knowing that your kids doing weird shit on the you know, and so we worked it out. We just don't talk about work. You know, maybe we go visit them all the time is cool. And then I had friends that were like, didn't want to see me anymore. That's disgusting. How could you do that? And then now years later, every single one of them has either asked me for advice, like when they're How do I get ready for anal? Or?
Yvette d'Entremont 18:21 I had that conversation with a friend just the other day.
Lance Hart 18:24 Yeah. Or like, I can't quit cheating on my wife. Okay, hookers, what do I do? And I'm like, well, you're asking a gay hooker. I don't know if I'm the guy to talk to but I guess you're not judging me anymore. You know, to me, like what's going on?
Yvette d'Entremont 18:35 come around to the fact that this is a legitimate profession.
Lance Hart 18:38 Yeah, it's everybody's come around in that sense. That's cool. But I do I love what I can't imagine doing anything else. You know, it's a good deal.
Alice Vaughn 18:45 I have to say on your websites, I know. You have your own personal websites like sweet femme DOM and you have also man up calm. Yeah. And I was looking at man up and I was looking at the previews. And I have to say that it was a little extreme for my taste, but I know what This definitely appeals to people because I saw when cheese I saw ballbusting I saw ball kicking cosplay drawing a smiley face on a deck. Yeah. Which I mean that I won't rule out. Right. But tip of pen does one use for that. Well, it was not a thong. But I mean, you could probably still use a sharpie all day.
Lance Hart 19:17 Yeah, it was a sharpie. And that was a some fan just suggested like I should draw like, it'd be so humiliating if you drew a face and I was like, is that a humiliating fucker? it'll try and then it look cool.
Unknown Speaker 19:30 I think writing something mean about the deck on the deck would be meaner. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of humiliating things Americans specifically can do, but they can't do in other countries. I think like for example, geography is one of them. Right? Put a map up and let's test any American this isn't even porn. It's just a fully closed person. Just start labeling countries. Just go ahead and see how you feel about yourself. After we watch your competence should really start naming elements Yeah, on the periodic table, all Have them name anything other than hydrogen.
Lance Hart 20:03 I always joke like if I'm like, Alright, say something million to them, they don't know what to say. I'm like, say your Facebook feed looks like you have low self esteem. And they're like, oh, like and then they're like, does it though? I don't really. And I'm like, sorry there's too far too far. I don't mean to
Yvette d'Entremont 20:17 I had this horrible realization one day I'm like, yeah, there are people that I keep on my friends let's just because they're an amazing train wreck to watch and then I went, Oh, fuck my back person to I there's no way like almost every person is that fucking train wreck for someone else.
Lance Hart 20:32 I'm like, it is definitely every Well, maybe not. Yeah, you know, oh, no,
Yvette d'Entremont 20:36 it's me. Some days.
Lance Hart 20:38 I got off it for two years and it was great. I didn't miss it. Immediately. I did miss it. It was the weirdest thing. And then I got back on it. When I got married. I wanted to show off the cool pictures, you know, so I got better. So I got back and also people the wedding wanted to get tagged and do you know, so I was like, I better get back on it. I don't know Instagrams kind of fun and more fun to me. You know, I guess you
Yvette d'Entremont 21:00 have a following. It's a good way for you to connect with your fans.
Lance Hart 21:03 Yeah, kinda. Well, it gets. I mean, it got deleted recently some starting over some don't have that many followers but they're finding the deal
Unknown Speaker 21:11 by little porn stars. Yeah, and it's
Lance Hart 21:14 so it's, uh, we complain about that a lot like because we got targeted and we're there you know, discriminating against sex workers and like, maybe but it's an app that makes money it's a business that makes money off children looking like parents are like, I don't want to deal with my fucking kid. I'm going to handle my smartphone so they and then they look at whatever kids look at on the phone. So there's kids on there, and then we're on Instagram, like covering or deck with our hand in order to be like non nude See, haha, it's not nude. And like there's clearly a deck about to go my butt but they can't see it, you know? So I kind of get like my new one is just me and cats. Just a bunch of my cats in me every now and then like my wife or I'll play. There's something really cool happens in a scene. But everybody's definitely has close then, you know, put it on there, but I've toned it down big time. But yeah, there was like a, they just wiped us out on Instagram pretty quick. It was cool. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 22:11 there was definitely a targeted campaign from what it seems like last
Lance Hart 22:14 year. Yeah, it was it was I got wrapped up in that but like my wife is just smart man. One night she's on her phone just deleting old Instagram posts and changing captions and stuff. And she spent like four hours doing that and I was like, What are you doing? She's like, I don't want to delete it. I think they're coming for us. And I'm like, it's crazy on the way to make it whatever the algorithm was made it Instagram proof. Yeah, but she beat the system. She kept her Instagram. You know what I mean? She cleaned it up in time so she probably
Yvette d'Entremont 22:39 made it just look like a fitness model.
Lance Hart 22:41 That's the thing if you're a fitness model you're you're okay. Why it's still the fitness models aren't like yeah, with like, clearly a dick but they cover it with a cucumber picture. I mean, that you know, to be like we're sex workers are we gotta admit, we're shady. Like that. I own it
Yvette d'Entremont 22:58 was funny because I used to while I lived in in Burbank, and so it was right near the porno Valley, and I got to brunch on Sundays and my husband and I would play the porn star or fitness model. They were watching people walk by. So it's like, nothing wrong with either one, of course. And it's like, we're just, you know, we would try to figure out like, Is there a different aesthetic? And very similar?
Lance Hart 23:18 No, it's free. So I jerk off to a fitness mom, blame me, which makes them porn stars by default. Right?
Unknown Speaker 23:25 Who else? It's either amateur or your friends for the most part,
Lance Hart 23:28 right? Well, they're say have a fitness mom has a million followers and she monetizes her Instagram. And her entire page is sexy stuff. That's good to jerk off too. And that's her living. She's a sex worker. You know what to be like? I mean, you can say she's not but come on, man. You know what I mean? Like a million followers. Yeah, she
Unknown Speaker 23:46 didn't go into it for that. But at the same time, like on some level, she knows that picture is being used for that. Like Alison, I joke about, you know, people jerking off to this podcast because we review porn. I know there are elicitors doing that and it's like, yeah, I'm okay with Hit me. I know what product I'm putting out, of course. So Lance, you you are kind of a unicorn in this industry. You are a crossover actor I am. And so for our audience who is not familiar with what a crossover is, that means you do both gay and straight porn.
Lance Hart 24:16 Yep, they do. I do. They told me you can't do that when I was new to porn. And I was like, Wow, that sounds stupid. Like and you know, in life, people tell you that'll never work. But some a lot of times you hear that? And you're like, You're stupid, you know? And then I found out later. It's a real thing. You really, you know, there are so many companies I'll never work for as companies my wife can ever work for because we're openly married, you know? And, you know, people are just don't feel safe working with her because of gay cooties. You know,
Unknown Speaker 24:45 now is it from what I've heard, there's different levels of STI testing for straight versus gay. Maybe you could elaborate on that.
Lance Hart 24:53 Yeah. So it's different. It's changing. So like what where it is now is not where it was a year ago. As your overseer go, it's always changing and the the landscape of porn changes to So, for example, today, most people who like did porn today, I'd say the majority is probably people who are porn stars, but they met up with each other at their houses. And they did only fans are just for fence. Like they said, Let's film this together, we'll both put it on our app, and then people will pay us a monthly fee. So they're just doing that for funsies. But they're also making money. That's become a dominant thing in our industry. So how do you regulate that? You know what I mean? It's just two people agreeing to have sex. And then the same two people might get booked with me the next week. So if they worked with someone, and they said, well, we're friends. Yeah, we didn't have a talent test. But like, I know, they're cool. You know what I mean? That wouldn't happen on a porn set. But if you're just at your buddy's house and you're hanging out and drinking beers, and you know, whatever they got a hot tub or a cool wish to blowjob scene right there. Yeah, sure. Why not? is harmless, you know, we're cool. And then they think later, hey, you tested expired on my test but I'm good you know. So that's changed. You know what I mean? That's one big difference, the standard, I guess for like people who don't know, in general inform, you're supposed to go to a talent test center, either go to CT or talent test two, there's two companies and you go get your blood drawn up in a cup, and then they analyze it, whatever. They test you for everything except herpes and HPV. And then they put your results on a closed internet, like not everybody can see it. But if you have a login you can get in. And that way, anyone in porn with a login can log in and say, Okay, I'm working with so and so today. Here's their test they tested within 14 days ago. So I know they're clear. So we're good to go. That's how we keep saying,
Yvette d'Entremont 26:50 that is a lot more. I didn't realize that there was a whole system that you could see people's information on and that's Yeah, basically in order to work in porn people have to opt into that or and there's
Lance Hart 26:59 no governing system around this, that's just socially what we've decided. Because obviously anyone with an iPhone can make a forum. So they can do that however they want. But if you want to be in the industry get paid for bookings have people follow you on Twitter or do boo boo, like via whatever you call that, you know, call it a porn star anymore. But whatever that is, you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 27:20 it's the thing that most mainstream actors we see are involved in. Yeah, you have to
Lance Hart 27:24 play by the rules. And so people don't play by the rules quickly. Everybody knows and they get tweeted about Twitter is our network and porn, like we all have Twitter. So somebody's fucking up. People will tweet Hey, don't work with so and so they got rapey on set or they wanted to shoot me without a test or they pressured me and you know, the big no no's interesting. This
Yvette d'Entremont 27:45 is good information for our audience to have so they know who's making ethical porn and how to find out who's not making ethical porn. Who's not Yeah, who did not support Yeah,
Lance Hart 27:54 it's social media. So obviously, someone could mix it up. They could say I don't like that motherfucker. They're getting sued. that I want and if they're out of the picture, I get more bookings. I'm gonna say they did the shady thing. You know what I mean? So you kind of do have to feel it out. But um, there's people who are like, kind of recurring offenders, you know, some people that we've heard is that people just kind of stay away. But there's always new people
Unknown Speaker 28:18 what you're telling me people who fuck up to it more than once? Yeah, shocking. No, I mean, I fuck up
Lance Hart 28:24 stuff. I just try not to ethically fuck up. But this
Unknown Speaker 28:26 last year has taught us nothing. So anyway, that's the standard. So actually, quick question, like you said, that's the standard. But is that the standard for across gay porn and straight porn? Or is that just for one or the other? Because you did mention a database. And one person we had I don't know if we had her on the show, or just We spoke with her had told us that there was a different testing standard across gay porn versus straight porn. So I would love clarity on that.
Lance Hart 28:52 Yeah, so if you need a Venn diagram, because there's, I don't know if I could say most but all the companies I work for in gay porn, use this same system as a straight porn good, right? Good guy. And then there's other companies that say, well, we use condoms, so whatever. And then there's other companies that say, we shoot undetectable people. And it's unethical to discriminate against someone because they were positive, and now they're treating themselves. So fuck off the past system, and we're just going to shoot, I'm terrible people, but we're still going to get tested. We just can't do it in your system, because your system, if they're undetectable, kicks them out immediately. For life. If you're like big x, you can never come back.
Unknown Speaker 29:31 So what's considered undetectable I'm sorry,
Lance Hart 29:34 Oh, okay. So, for the past, I don't know how many years I'm going to fuck this up. I'm going to say five years we've science has known that if somebody has an undetectable viral load, meaning they're HIV positive, take their medicine, and the medicine works and then they go get their blood work and they say, Okay, I can't see any HIV. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 29:53 basically, if they didn't know you had HIV that they wouldn't know from a blood test at this point from the viral load blood Test. Yeah, they would know they would be able to find the antibodies but not the
Lance Hart 30:03 virus. And if you're in that boat that day, it is 0.0 chance of spreading HIV to anyone else.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:11 And at that point, most people would be on prep and pap. So basically, so that they wouldn't be able to spread it and you wouldn't be able to catch it,
Lance Hart 30:18 the HIV undetectable person would be on something and then the partner might be on prep to keep them from Yeah. But even if the partner is not on prep, 0.0 chance that they could give someone HIV in science, you're a scientist, when you hear 0.0 that's a big deal.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:37 To me, that sounds like no chance. Now there are there have been seven cases now of people getting HIV while they're on pressure.
Lance Hart 30:44 That's not 0.0
Yvette d'Entremont 30:46 Exactly. But that's not having sex with a partner with no viral load that's just out in the world having sex with who knows what the viral load was, but I mean, only seven cases of transmission of all the people on prep means you know, if you're having sex with prep with people with no viral load. It's such a low percentage chance. I mean, this is such a magical 0.0.
Lance Hart 31:05 Again, I know it's hard to wrap your head around. But you don't have to be on prep to have sex with someone with an undetectable viral load to be totally safe. Okay, but would you do it
Yvette d'Entremont 31:17 in my brain? I'd be like, No, I'd want prep. Like it's just it's just such a like, I'd still would have to I'm sorry.
Lance Hart 31:22 Yeah, that's the controversy.
Unknown Speaker 31:24 Yeah, it's also I feel like there's absolutely a mental barrier there. Because I think to myself, for example, like I know my partner sterile BOD. You know what? birth control I made just right, just in case swimmers are sneaky.
Lance Hart 31:41 It's tricky and, but you can see how some, like, the gay community who has accepted that undetectable means zero, you know what I mean? You can put yourself in their shoes. You might feel like one of these traits going to let get with science. You know, like what's going on
Yvette d'Entremont 31:58 one of my gay friends. He As a pediatrician, and he's very strict about condom usage, he's on prep as needed. Basically, when he knows he's going to be out on a vacation having some fun. Yeah. And he still uses condoms. You know, and I think it's just because Dr. and is like, I want my chance to be zero. You know, that's his decision.
Lance Hart 32:17 Well, it's smart because prep doesn't save you from gonorrhea or chlamydia. Exactly. hepatitis. Exactly. hepatitis is bad.
Yvette d'Entremont 32:23 I mean, that's the thing. He's not having sex with people who have been tested every two weeks is the difference. Yeah, so
Lance Hart 32:28 it's different. So there with that, it's a Venn diagram, right? And it's not so much a stigma or like a thing. It's just a Venn diagram. There's people that feel comfortable with this and people feel comfortable with that. It gets dicey when people start. When the fear comes out sideways. You know what I mean? And then people get offended because they're like, Why are you scared of me? This is weird. You know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, I'm not homophobic. I'm just scared of gay people. Yeah.
What is homophobic mean? He Yeah.
It's kind of weird, right? Like kind of weird. So I don't like stress about it, I make more money because of the stigma because Wow, there's only so many guys that will do bisexual scenes and trans scenes and currently buy scenes and trans scenes are two of the fastest growing like niches. And if you want to shoot one of those and pay people to be in it, there's like me and maybe 10 other guys that you can hire.
Unknown Speaker 33:28 Are you doing trans scenes, both with trans men and trans women?
Lance Hart 33:31 I just work with trans women as it's I don't no one's ever actually asked me to be in a trans man scene.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:36 I don't see a lot of them is scary. I don't
Lance Hart 33:38 think they sell but they might you know what I mean? I don't know anyone that tries but uh, but if you need a guy to play that role, it's like me or 10 of my friends. And then every year we can all raise our rates by 100 bucks, you know, because what are you gonna do? hire someone there's no one else to hire you to read. And then
Unknown Speaker 33:56 you have the market cornered?
Lance Hart 33:58 Yeah, and no one wants to Be a crossover because that, but I'll never get booked for brazzers I'll never be and the big Axl brown award winning parody, I'll never all that stuff. But meanwhile,
Yvette d'Entremont 34:09 look, Alice and I are working on writing like 10 parodies right now. Okay, right. Yeah,
Lance Hart 34:13 yeah, so there's but there's tons of money because there's so many bisexual scenes, you know, productions and trans productions. They're not like as many as straight Of course, but when there's only 10 guys to hire, and you need three of them for a DVD. We're in everything, you know what I mean? So it's kind of cool work is always there and our rates those of us who've been doing it for a while our rates are higher than your average straight performer.
Unknown Speaker 34:36 What you're telling me experience pays more Yes, like any other industry Of course,
Lance Hart 34:40 of course it should. Anyway, there's some exceptions but on the show, and then as a producer, I'm friends with all the people that do buy stuff and trans stuff and and those are the same guys who will do let a girl walk them in the boat, the strap on, you know what I mean? So it pays to know that I mean, that just sounds fun. It is fun. It is. It's great time. Yeah. All
Yvette d'Entremont 34:59 right. Just perked up. Sorry.
Lance Hart 35:01 Yeah. And I shoot a lot of that. And then the gay stuff pays well, but it's most of my money comes from making my own porn from man up films and we come down, but it's nice to still get booked all the time. You know what I mean? And as much as I have time for anyway, so it doesn't hurt me It sucks that you know, affects my wife she it'd be cool if she could be in one of those big award winning movies. She's definitely good enough. She's like, awesome at porn. It's affected her casting as well. Oh, big time. Yeah. Like they can't. They're like, well, how can we trust her test? She's with that Lance Hart and he does bisexual stuff. And how do we know that he's not hooking up with undetectable people? Because what if he hooked up with an undetectable person? And then, but they passed the test, but they stopped taking their medicine just in time to pass the test. And then he got HIV. And then he had sex with her because they're married and then she already passed her test, but then the day before I had sex with her, and then we're that's how I get AIDS and die.
Yvette d'Entremont 35:55 You know, as soon as I met. Yeah, they're making a major reach on this Yeah, like,
Lance Hart 36:00 it's it seems like it but then at the same time, you wouldn't have sex with someone who's on attachable if you weren't on prep, right, this is the same thing. I
Yvette d'Entremont 36:07 would use a condom, but same as everything else like and it's just I had a partner who had herpes, and he had not had an outbreak in years, and never had an outbreak while we were involved. But, you know, it was condoms every time and that was, you know, he was in an open relationship and, you know, multiple partners and yeah, that was just the thing. It's like my policies. The only person I really haven't used condoms with regularly is my husband. So I'm just like, Look, if you're putting a penis near me, I want a condom. Yeah,
Lance Hart 36:34 to the condom save you from her. You didn't get herpes,
Unknown Speaker 36:37 if somehow, you know, I'm gonna be blunt with my numbers. I'm shocked that I don't have herpes. That's amazing. Pretty much everyone. The only thing I've gotten is HPV and I've been lucky that like some people get it keep it forever. I am HPV negative now that's cool. Lucky on that one. I got herpes with a con. It's that one's easy to spread. I like I said, I'm very lucky on that. Yeah, that's cool. I've had face herpes ever since. Since I was a kid I'll never forget I once had I herpes
Yvette d'Entremont 37:06 I just have acne like it's going out of business and I'm turning 36
Unknown Speaker 37:12 it's got to go one day. One day, nuke it from orbit. I live in LA I'm shooting lasers at my face. There you go. There you go working cool working. Yeah, I feel like in LA people are shooting everything into everywhere. So paralytic bacterial neurotoxin, whatever it takes. Para two worlds one Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm and that is close enough and we would never recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend clone a Willie because with clone Willie you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love. While at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with photo Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. As we found. It's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and evasive maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk, but instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall, hide it in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone, send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united. Use it to fix a broken leak, or to cause one personal experience. Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls. where can our listeners find out more about this madness? To quote it and bowknot go to corner Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. So speaking of neurotoxins and shooting stuff laughs Yes. So I have a question. Although we've had other male performers I've somehow we've never asked this question which is regarding Stan ama and injection, so I know that there has been, there's definitely been talked about men injecting themselves with interdicts to stave harder longer onset. Yeah.
Lance Hart 39:26 trimax Is that what it's called? trimax Yeah. kabore jakkur trimax camera. No one uses cameras anymore. No, like one guy that does it.
Unknown Speaker 39:33 I didn't even know these existed. What's the difference?
Lance Hart 39:36 I don't know scientifically the difference but trimax is like newer, I guess. It's like the new cool. It's better.
Yvette d'Entremont 39:41 Oh, we're calling an expert on for this next time. It'll be like what is the effect on the Pete? We need to know.
Lance Hart 39:46 I've tried trimax three times it worked once. It works great. I like nailed the scene. I was like, I get why guys do this because you don't have to think like so the part about porn that people don't watch is the director's cut. Okay, we're gonna want this position, this position, this position, and then you get in that position. And then the director says, I can't get the light in there. You got to lean lean way back while you do it. You're doing yoga at that point, because you got all your weight is like on your toe.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:14 This is not sex. This is performance art. Yeah,
Lance Hart 40:16 it's performance. So then you're trying to get your ticket in there and you're trying to help but you've got all your way. And so now your butt's numb or whatever,
Unknown Speaker 40:24 it's not like quarter turn sex. I'm also imagining like an intern coming in with a flashlight. Hold on. I could get the extra light in there. Oh, yeah, we do that. Let me get the under ball angle. I need to see the Tate
Lance Hart 40:37 you know, we call it a see light. But yeah, we totally do that. Yeah. So you got that going on. Plus, it's hot because you can't have AC on because it's loud. So you're sweating. It's hard to keep a boner when it's hot. It's just a thing. So you're sweating then you're insecure about you're sweating and it's getting all over her ham. And then Hi there. Eventually tired your scene partner because they're like they're really tries to be nice, but eventually you're like, I'm home. You want to go home so you don't say
Unknown Speaker 41:01 the point someone's vagina is just tired? or someone's asked whichever hole you're in Yeah,
Lance Hart 41:07 or about hormones guy. But if you're you know, you don't mean to but you're gonna be like you know something like that. And then here's that's a boner killer you know to be there's a lot of things that it's like there's no problem with stamina I've only once or twice film someone, or all forms that made where they came to early almost every time it's really hard to get the guy that come because he's in this mental really like, thing to like, not come, but stay hard. So then once you have to make that switch time to come, buddy, it's like a can't do it. Can't do it. So the trimax means you don't have to think about anything. You can be in a very uncomfortable position in gay porn. I mean, holding another man up his legs up is heavy. I mean, girls, they're lighter. And trans women are like in the middle. But dudes I mean 100 Do 220 pound man his legs are heavy when you're like lifting them or fucking imagine doing CrossFit while having to keep an erection and suck in your gut and look sexy and make a good face and move your hand it's blocking the shot you know all that kind of stuff. So
Yvette d'Entremont 42:15 oh my gosh, this is why we like to remind people that porn stars with those bands Yeah, you know, it's it's art. Your cat has a very cute tail, but he says he's just a very
Lance Hart 42:26 humble man. He knows what he's doing is here.
Unknown Speaker 42:31 So for our audience, you can see right now, we almost had a fantastic views of Lance's cat's anus. You know, we'd like to get as much butthole in the show as we possibly can.
Lance Hart 42:42 That's good. It's a goal. He wants to sit on dad's lap and the cats
do you have just four? Just Okay.
Unknown Speaker 42:50 Oh, so we finally have someone on the show with more cats than me. I have three and a dog. Okay, cool.
Lance Hart 42:56 Yeah, my this guy pay for camera work. A lot has 10 cats. So Oh my god, so he knows the answer to stuff hashtag
Yvette d'Entremont 43:03 life goals.
Lance Hart 43:04 Yeah, if you're like, I don't know what to do here. Yes Come because he's 10 he knows to get got more cats than all of us. He is extending out so
Unknown Speaker 43:12 he knows more cats than us combined. That's a lot. It's
Lance Hart 43:15 the law. He was like, once you have six adding more doesn't really sound like you notice that there's more.
Unknown Speaker 43:21 You just you still have to scoop a ton of shit. It doesn't just solidaire
Lance Hart 43:25 Yeah, he's just there's just always a cat around Yeah, before we got my wife had to when we moved in together and I to so number four.
Yvette d'Entremont 43:31 For me it was a husband had two cats. I had a cat and a dog.
Lance Hart 43:35 Gotcha. Oh, yeah, we get along all our cats get along famously. So that's good.
Unknown Speaker 43:38 We have one cat that wants the dog dead. Other than that their grade, right? I currently have zero animals, although I've definitely decided that when I get a dog within the next year, so two things number one, I'm absolutely named me at Fido. spelled p HYDX. Oh my god like that. Thank you and you're welcome. Are you doing it? Be as extra as possible just to make fun of people who are as extra as possible. Uh huh. I love you. I already know I'm going to be also one of those dog moms where I spend way too much on my dog and give it an absurd name and dress it in the ridiculous outfits. Please, just don't dress in pink. What I'm trying to say is I'm financially irresponsible. I approve of this. Look, my dog has a doughnut around his neck. Right? My dog has been eating too much as look eat as responsibly. My dog ate it so much that he ate a hole in it. Don't he was he he is not as itchy anymore. But he will just keep eating that ass. It's a little chill. Yeah, dude. Dos responsibly. Children.
Lance Hart 44:40 around my neck from eating too much is no problem. Can you
Unknown Speaker 44:43 imagine if people had to do the same thing have cones around their head if they ate too much? You know, maybe that's what we should do to people who are like I have a sex addition murder. We're going to put a cone around your neck. No more as eating for you Tiger Woods. Yeah, we fixed it from now on a cone of shame. for sex addiction. Yeah. to David to covenant Jesus. Oh my god, right. We should put it around sting just to make him Shut the fuck up. How do we get David to come on the show? David? If you're listening, email us info to girls. Um, I still want Kathy Griffin to message me back. Yeah, he reached out to me just look she sent me tickets to her show, girl. I want everyone who's had a feud with Trump on the show.
Unknown Speaker 45:19 Gotcha,
Yvette d'Entremont 45:19 guys, we got Tom Arnold on we've got one of three.
Unknown Speaker 45:22 That's pretty big.
Unknown Speaker 45:24 I like tomorrow he reads my writing so that was how I snagged him. He said he would totally watch Nazi porn if I did it so I guess that's a win. Okay, cool. Yes, it's um something you know,
Lance Hart 45:34 it was a very strange episode it's something I was at a fetish con fetish cons like a fetish convention. I'm it's what is it some Tampa? And it's like furries and domination people and all that the littles all the things,
Unknown Speaker 45:49 and then why do you want some awards?
Lance Hart 45:52 Oh, yeah, a few that thing and then, but one guy shows up one year and he's got a really immaculate Nazi outfit. And he's like, there's my fetish. And then Nazi stuff don't hate on me why shaming me? Yeah. And
Unknown Speaker 46:03 yeah, I'll shame for that. Well, yeah,
Lance Hart 46:04 he got he just got kicked out so fast. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't even security. It was just like, two people I knew just one guy was big and he just picked them up. And he was just carry them outside and put them down and he said, Do not come back in, just like that. I mean, it's philosophically it's interesting, right? Like, that's the guys. Okay? I mean, if you're into domination, if you're sadist, you're into hurting people. Right? Yeah. So it's like, okay, but where are you gonna draw a line? I guess?
Yvette d'Entremont 46:30 Yeah. The joke with the Tom Arnold episode was, I'm Jewish Tom Jewish. His assistant who was on the show was Jewish and Alice looks like Alice. She's, at what point? We lost reception on her and she when she froze, the camera froze. She froze, and they accidentally froze. But the white power symbol on it was just how her hand was.
Unknown Speaker 46:51 And we're all
Yvette d'Entremont 46:52 we just lost it laughing. Right. So the jokes just kept coming out it
Lance Hart 46:57 didn't they figure out they came from 4chan, right?
Yvette d'Entremont 47:00 Hi have no idea where it started. It's just it's this too deep of a rabbit hole.
Lance Hart 47:04 Yeah, someone's only there's some people on 4chan who got together and they said, wouldn't it be funny? If we convinced everybody that if you did this with your hand, you're a white power person. Like let's see if we can go with it.
Unknown Speaker 47:15 And here's the here's the thing though, once people who are white supremacists are duking it out, ironically, is it now, it's now an actual thing than it is. Yeah, I just like here's the thing. There's also the circle game that people do to see if they can catch their friends looking at this and make them lose quote the game which Yeah, all of my friends who play the game, you just lost the games game. You all lost the game. You're losing it again right now. And if you weren't playing the game before you're playing the game now. Anyways. What's also really interesting is like, for example, Gavin McInnes, not a fan of his at all. But he started to proud boys as originally a joke and it became a parody and it became an actual hate group out of his joy because he started out as a parody. I'm not joking. Yeah, I'm serious. He absolutely initially started as a joke. He needs a better sense of humor but no no so event let me okay I can almost sympathize and I say almost I say almost Hold on, hold on. Don't crucify me for saying this. I said get a tiki torch but those have been appropriated. I have khaki shorts close enough. So I'm also the creator of offensive crayons and I do ask people to write in crayon submissions. And here's the thing for offensive crayons. I've at this point come out with a list of rules. Because most people aren't fucking funny. Most people think oh, I'm gonna just say something really offensive like say the the N word. Right? That should go on a crown. No. And that's the thing you actually do get deplorables when you try making a joke about deplorable
Unknown Speaker 48:51 w that is the thing Who
Unknown Speaker 48:52 knew?
Lance Hart 48:53 Yeah, but you gotta have jokes. You have
Yvette d'Entremont 48:55 to have jokes. It's important. You can't just be offensive. You have to be funny. Well being Yeah. You know,
Lance Hart 49:00 but we can't censor comedians, we need them. Exactly. They push things forward and give us ideas and stuff. And someone's got to have a blank check to say anything, you know, to me.
Unknown Speaker 49:09 Exactly. I think the bank account runs out somewhere, but there are deep pockets. The problem is though, especially when you're forming a group I found it seems to hold true though, for whenever someone's forming a group, you're always gonna end up having the extremists who end up taking control and running with it. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Because no one really yeah, there's certain things that people want to be in charge of, like sane people. And then there's other things that no one really wants to do the work to be in charge but a crazy person will be like, I want to be a journalist and then you get crazy running crazy. It makes sense. Exactly. I was talking to a comedian friend of mine recently. And okay, so listeners you're welcome to fact check me on this because I need to fact check it myself. But I heard actually we like being fact checked. We really do on this show, but obviously we all remember Charlottesville. That's a thing that happened. You That was a thing that happened and supposedly one of the people was a comedian who started it. Again don't know how and I don't know his views. I don't know if he thought this was a joke or not. Do you remember that? Christopher Cantwell the guy who was filmed for the vice documentary? No, I don't recall him if you watch that vice documentary, he was like, I think he had a shaved head and who's he looks like if a penis grow mouth. Basically. And I say this because I knew I can imagine him actually Yes, I knew about him before this from two different incidents once he was on call bear and they were making fun of these guys who walked around harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, like their whole thing was, were for freedom, so fuck the state and we're gonna get our freedom from the state by harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, him and two other assholes. That was their name. They harassed an army. I think it was an army veteran who came home after serving Afghanistan and was working as a meter maid and the her and the guys like you know what to do. Honest I'd rather go back to Afghanistan and deal with these assholes and then the other time I had heard of slash knew of Cantwell I have some libertarian friends don't fucking judge me. And there's okay Hey, they're afraid of roads. Let's get this clear they're afraid of what do you do with the roads Liberty? I'm kidding. Anyways, I love my libertarian friends. There are some entertaining humans. But anyways, one of my libertarian friends, one of her nudes leaked because she dated another guy in the movement and men are assholes sometimes, because you know, maybe if someone is nice enough to share their tips with you keep that shit to yourself. But the nudes leaked and Cantwell at one point got his hands on now I don't know if he was the one who distributed them or not. I don't know from whence they came. But at one point he put out a I don't know if it was a tweet or on his Facebook page. But he wrote, the damage that was done by accusing me of leaking these pictures is way more harmful than any damage that could have been done by releasing the pictures. I'm like you fucking cut I was livid about this. But like when he when I saw that he was in the Charlottesville thing, I'm like, how is he in every horrible thing I have ever seen. So like I get it that you know him being a dick to my friend is not the same as him leading a Nazi rally but like, it's not like we couldn't see the signs that he was a horrible person from a long time ago. So this is not someone with a different political view. This is someone who is deeply an asshole. I just wanted to share that fair enough. Yeah, you're welcome. Or I'm sorry listeners. But there is a background on Christopher Cantwell the guy in the documentary. Go watch that with new eyes. They haven't seen it. I was gonna we got off the topic of porn a lot.
Unknown Speaker 52:39 That happens. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 52:40 yeah. Yeah. That's what the show is about. So we broke Godwin's law and got over to Nazi somehow. So, oops. So, Lance, you've been in industry for 10 years, Jesus. So what have been some of your more interesting moments on set?
Lance Hart 52:56 Oh, I don't know. I mean, there's like everyone's like, what was is the craziest thing you've ever done, but it's like
Unknown Speaker 53:02 how about the least craziest, sexy,
Lance Hart 53:05 sexy? I mean, they're all it's like I love it and I enjoy it but it is it's just a job so like, a couple times like almost died on set. So there's different wait
Yvette d'Entremont 53:15 Hawaiian, that's a thing you got to tell us about like is this you said a couple of times where they feel like do you have an underlying condition that we should what's? What's happened so we are not concerned for you?
Lance Hart 53:26 Yeah, no like you just when you're doing bondage and stuff. Oh, yeah, tied up, right. Anyway, long story short, I was Batman in a movie and Batman wears a mask. There's a rubber mask that pulls his nose, the nose covers, you know, rubber over your nose, and it pulls up on your nose. It hurts. It's like pulls in viewers can't hear me Just imagine something rubber and hard pulling up on your nostrils. So that's uncomfortable, but my nose is pulled up and then I got a bog again. And so I can only breathe through my nose. Really kind of through my mouth, I'm laying on my back, which means my saliva is kind of pooling unless I swallow, and, but it's okay because you can swallow and breathe. You know, it's fine. And I'm tired at all four points so arms legs, and then Catwoman is supposed to squirt on me in the scene. And no one thought anything of it. I didn't think anything of it. So she does her thing stands over me and squirts, and she was wearing her own custom made Catwoman suit is a very expensive and she cherished it a lot. And I'm just looking up at her and I just see her go, oh my god, did I get an army? What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Oh, god that came out of me. And then she runs out of the room. And so the director who's the only other guy in the room with a camera, puts the camera down and follows the girl because it's a screaming damsel in distress, right? So fuck Lance, you know, to me, so I'm laying on the ground, and whatever came out of her or whatever, went right up my nose, and just filled up everything you know. So I'm kind of laying there for a while. I'm like Thinking about it am I okay? I can't get through the bondage It was a chains it wasn't rope so I couldn't pick my way through it and I'm like okay, I can't I tried to like pull like through but the gag is blocking it so just coming back in. So it's like alright I just had to snort it and swallow it you know to be whatever it was just just get it clear my passage and then I'm breathing through like half a nostrils make it clear so it's like you can barely breathe you know to be panic attack and died lay in there for like 10 minutes just like that.
Unknown Speaker 55:33 I'm able to breathe is like the that scares me more than any free kind of want to know was that like half of a fetus? I don't know.
Lance Hart 55:41 Yeah, I didn't ask her and she she'd quit for not because of that but other reasons after that, and I just never asked fair enough. Yeah, so you know, it can get danger, any job and get dangerous. You get almost killed. If you're a mechanic. I guess if a car falls on you, you know what I mean? So those are like memorable. Some scenes turn you on a lot. Some of them. He just can't. get through it. You know what I mean? And
Yvette d'Entremont 56:02 just the day at the office?
Lance Hart 56:04 Yeah, it's just kind of depends. When I was newer at it, every scene was turned on, you know, because I was like, Oh my god, I'm in porn. And that's that famous so and so and I'm touching them. And it's and they're being nice to me. And they're like, want to suck my dick off camera. So now I can't believe is a dream come true. And then after 10 years, it's like, it's a real I'm really lucky to have this job. But you know, it's job. So
Yvette d'Entremont 56:26 now it's like a marriage to all the different dicks. Yeah, yeah. It's just kind of,
Lance Hart 56:29 you know, it's nice. But I do feel very fortunate. Really, just because I have a business that's successful. I wanted that my whole life. And now I have my own internet business that makes money and it's cool. It's like, wow, I don't have to commute. You know what I mean? I don't have to go check in with a boss. That's the thing I cherish I think more than anything, that freedom, freedom. Yeah, the freedom is good. But it was a lot of hard work to get. It's not as simple A lot of people think, Oh, well, yeah, if I got naked on the internet, I'd get rich too. But it's not. I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 56:58 there is bad porn out there. And that's does not make a living
Lance Hart 57:01 and there are some broke porn workers. I mean, there's a lot most 99% of porn performers barely pay their bills. I don't know if that's accurate, but a small percentage that does makes more than 100,000 a year and then various smaller that makes 300,000 a year, you know?
Yvette d'Entremont 57:18 So it's like rare, but so I feel like lucky that my little stick paid off, you know, so it's kind of cool. It's good. You You went for a nice that people were like, this is a bad idea. And you're like, well, let's see what happens. And it worked out. I mean,
Lance Hart 57:30 at that point, I had already done gay porn for two years. I didn't know that you're not supposed to do both until I got out of that contract. And I was like, what I like women to I like women. I mean, I've always dated women and trans women. never dated dudes. I just enjoy sex with dudes, but it's just that's just where my orientation is, you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 57:48 your hetero romantic and bisexual,
Lance Hart 57:52 I guess. Yeah, I mean, whatever you call it these days and a lot was queer. I don't think it's queer anymore though.
Unknown Speaker 57:59 There are so many different
Lance Hart 58:00 Yeah, it's I don't know what it is anymore. I just I
Unknown Speaker 58:03 think it's too complicated. I mean, in my opinion, it's it's so fast I sexual covers it Yeah,
Lance Hart 58:08 that's these people today I just say goodbye and then but I'm picky like guys we're picky with guys and girls or trans woman but it's a mercenary we're monogamous outside of work. So it's not like I'm out there data, so who cares what my orientation is, um, you know, married, you know, I'm loving my wife, I'm happy, you know, to be like it's a moot point. But yeah, it's back then I wanted to make movies of girls and so I was in Florida, so I could do that you can do what you want. If you're not in LA or Vegas, LA and Vegas are ruled by like the rules, you know, but everything else is kind of, you definitely should use a talent test and you can but short of that there's no like, don't work with crossovers or this is how you do it or, you know, hold out in your first Angel scene and all the stuff that we do at West, you know, they don't really care in Florida. So just a real warning.
Unknown Speaker 58:55 I wasn't aware that outside of Las Vegas, it's basically a little bit of a free for all
Lance Hart 59:00 those totally free Yeah, it's you can do whatever you want. But most of the work is in LA and second to that Vegas makes so if you want to, like, get paid to be in a porn as you're living you need to live in LA or Vegas. I mean Miami if you have a contract with like bangbros maybe you could get by but that's kinda
Unknown Speaker 59:19 I just want to contract as an extra in a ton of different points. How do I get that? You could do that? Who will hire me for that?
Lance Hart 59:25 Literally just email browsers men calm. They need extras, those two companies we
Unknown Speaker 59:30 just want to be the female Jay and Silent Bob brazzers I want to be the stepsister who is blind. Yeah, you get in the room and I can't see them fucking
Lance Hart 59:40 you get 100 bucks a day and launch and your might be on set for four hours. You might be unset for like 20 that's the deal. But yeah, it's you know, so those new people check it out. They would shoot you in Yeah, la Vegas, Montreal, Atlanta, depending on you know where you're at. That's what they need.
Unknown Speaker 59:57 You know, I mean, I do have to make a couple of trips out to LA. So Yvette. Look, Leroy, you know, you want us for extras in your porn. I'm just saying. blu ray Meyers.
Lance Hart 1:00:07 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's Yeah, I have. I mean, I'm busy with work. I love his porn so much. She's great. I'm going to be an extra in his show. Next week I'll be on. I'm going to be elton john and one of his ports.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:19 Oh, we're totally gonna review that
Lance Hart 1:00:21 bed. I'm about to nonsexual so. I don't think it's like an elton john movie, I think
Unknown Speaker 1:00:26 but we're still gonna fucking review that because you're playing elton john. I hope he's just remaking the elton john film with us, elton john. That would be cool. But no, no, it's
Lance Hart 1:00:35 a non sex role. So already I don't know. I'm assuming there's some joke that involves elton john being in it and then I walked through his old job.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:42 Do you know what your costume is? Or you just see the fucking costume man? Yeah, I don't know. I want to be one of the Swedish women and all but come on. Yeah, we were I will sing Mamma mia until my tits fell off. Come on, make this happen. I was in Mamma Mia. community theater was fun. It was a good deal but so I got all the songs in my head. I have a chemistry degree and a theater degree. No had an interesting time in college. Yeah, there you go. But you were saying your elton john, you're gonna be on scene for Leroy. We're excited. Well,
Lance Hart 1:01:09 so elton john and a few animals. Wait, why does it say Seth? works? Leroy. So texted me that beard. Yeah, he texted me like, Hey, can you do a non sex role on this day? No, I was like, Fuck Yeah, because I looked and if I'm open, I'll go show up for them because they're fun. They're great. They actually let me rent their studio for pretty cheap, because they're just really nice. So anything I shoot that's like, nice or like a feature. It's done at the wood rocket studio. And their camera guy I hire you know, so it's a we're kind of loosely like buddies. We're connected like that. And so I'll show up for anything they ask. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. I didn't even ask and it goes great. You're gonna be elton john and a few animals. And I was like, cool. And a few and I said, sweet. I think that was that was a whole conversation. So I have no idea what else has happened.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:56 I like the combination and a few animals but you might come on set. You might be emo you might be a draft you might be a platypus Who the fuck knows? Oh wait speaking pata pusses so they have webbed hands I was thinking about this wept person porn does that exist and I haven't looked it up hate so what counts as web interconnections between the hands and her feet and technically pterodactyl porn as well, right? Because Yeah, I've seen German pterodactyl porn I have seen witnessed it. The flapping man I will never unsee the flapping you man Sean Lennon, look, this was one of the first porns I saw and as a young impressionable college freshmen, it has never left me I'll never forget I was at a dinner and I was sitting across from Sean and somehow we got on the topic of terror dactyl porn or he probably brought it up. What almost brought it up but the point is he said wait, Is it this one and he pulled it up and showed it to me the exact one? Yes, because how often does that ever happen? Maybe there was just one pterodactyl porn and like a hammer. full of people on the internet were in on it and like we've accidentally spread it from here was it so
Lance Hart 1:03:05 it wasn't live action It was like hentai or
Unknown Speaker 1:03:07 Oh, no, no, no, it was live action. I believe it was three I want to say three men in pterodactyl costumes with a head and like full body costumes and like wings that they'd occasionally like flap and one woman in like a loincloth and it was just And not only that, and a hand puppet you can't forget the hand puppet. Oh, yeah, occasionally the hand puppet would just be no yeah, open the mouth close the mouth. But yeah, the guys would occasionally while getting blown just you know Remember to flap because of course it's aerodactyl getting blown would just, you know flap its wings. Oh, thick. Yeah. And as we learned in the porn parody behind the green door, there is a sex position called the teridax aisle, which is where you're blowing someone in front of you. You're jerking off to people to decide. And you know that motion where your head's going back and forth.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:57 Exactly looks like a pterodactyl. And if you take it a step forward and you have someone under you fucking you. That's a tower doctor.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:06 If you have ever done a tower doctor will email us info to girls when Mike we we have questions if you have ever done a tower dactyl Good for you. Yeah, that's, we have questions we want to know my wife's definitely done that she
Lance Hart 1:04:17 does a lot of getting bangs if you're in a gang gang, you're gonna tower and act all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, one of the you know, if you're in a couple game bags, you're definitely gonna do that. From what it sounds like. We call select, say someone's fucking you missionary, right? That just means they're in between your legs or enjoy jitsu, you're on guard, right? It's like the same, same thing, right? So and then a born we can't shoot missionary that way, because you can't see anything. So you grab one leg and you lift it up. So you're at like a side mesh. So depending on the production you're with, you call that side mesh split mesh, or split spoon, which makes no sense because the spoon is like from behind. You notice Yeah, but they call it splits. At mint calm, it just depends on who you're working for. But we all different names for shit. It's weird. Or like, cowgirl reverse cowgirl? on some gay sets. We call it reverse cowgirl, but it's both dudes. You know, like where are we? I can't be reverse cowboy. I'm a cowboy. Thank you very much. Hey,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:18 take back the language start calling it reverse cowboy. Yeah,
Lance Hart 1:05:21 cow man.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:24 I have a cow man. Yeah.
Lance Hart 1:05:28 You don't go to school for born and learn. It's not like film school where you're like, if the two people making the form went to film school, like if there's two camera people, you hear film school bullshit, you know, like, Mar two, five or two, four. All right, let me move that over. What's your uh, you know,
and they taught that in post
Yeah, they say film school shit just to say it to sound like film school. They don't want to say I went to film school because then it kind of, you're like, well, what are you doing here buddy? You know, to me, he didn't make it. You know. It's kind of like
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:59 people Who went to Harvard? They don't talk about when they went to college. They talk about their time in Harvard.
Lance Hart 1:06:05 Yeah. So there's a lot of film school people who do borkus regular work, and it's good. You know, I don't know, like, I pay my camera guy like 500 bucks for the day. So it's not bad. You know what I mean? But really good. They have their lingo, but everyone else. Like, I don't say speed rolling action, because it doesn't make any sense. I say, ready, go. And then I hit the record button. You know, sometimes I say action if I feel like Ready
Lance Hart 1:06:37 Yeah, like that. Let me move this fucking light and go, you know what I mean? Like, we just talked like that. So just kind of depends, but there's no set anything and born. It's kind of cool.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:46 I'm just picturing film students being like, Alright, well, we're following all turret area. It just there have to be some interesting moments with clashes of I had a vision for this porn.
Lance Hart 1:06:55 Oh, yeah. There's no there's directors who think they're filmmakers. It's hilarious. They win the big awards at ABN so you gotta give them that. I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:03 the ones that do the the big heavy like the plots like the parodies, they are making a film but yeah, they're
Lance Hart 1:07:08 making a film by no one's paying to watch it. Right.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:14 Hey, we're watching it.
Lance Hart 1:07:17 We're and we pay every time you pay for so like, when like deadbolt Did you watch that? was about to say we haven't posted
Unknown Speaker 1:07:25 yet? Yes on our list, we will pet we've always paid for our porn. Okay, but we haven't watched it yet. But we know that it did win an award for Best Film, I want to say as
Lance Hart 1:07:35 my friend Seth was in it, and I'm sure was awesome. And I'm sure he killed it because he kills everything he's in. But I'm like, Who's paying for this? You don't have it. And it's a fascinating side of the industry.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:46 We didn't know what we were getting into when we started this and we fallen in love with these parodies. They're so funny. And they're they're so ridiculous, but it's like it did kind of hit us at some point. How many people are actually buying this and we you know, we were I said it's a hard market.
Lance Hart 1:08:00 So Leroy does it right? He puts it on Pornhub for free and he gets paid ad revenue on the views. Nice. That makes sense to me. Like who's not gonna watch Aladdin the porn version at least for five seconds just to see like how they make the blue guy, you know, to be like,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:15 how they keep the blue paint? Well, the genius fuckin someone Yeah,
Lance Hart 1:08:18 is this Deke blue? I don't know, you know, like, they're gonna click on it. Or we did a game of thrones thing with them, like, people are gonna click on that. And then yeah, you can make revenue that way, you know, but then his stuffs really funny. So he always just got home. What blows my mind is, there's people who their job is to show up to a porn set. They have a chair with their name on it. They're the director, right? And they sit there and they don't do anything except say, action. Cut, stop. That's the job. And now
Unknown Speaker 1:08:49 you're kidding me. There's people like that on set
Lance Hart 1:08:51 on the big sets. Yeah, yeah. And you're like,
Unknown Speaker 1:08:54 No, no, who does most of the work the editor, you're the editor
Lance Hart 1:08:57 or the camera guy. He's got to get up. They're in the lighting guy
Unknown Speaker 1:09:02 the final product you see after like zillions of hours of filming, taking those those six cameras and the eight hours I was condensing it down at that's yeah
Lance Hart 1:09:13 used to add it all man shit and I paid for a lot of it yeah that's someone's job to just be the direct like the big director there's like three of them or four maybe you know in the whole industry but I don't
Unknown Speaker 1:09:25 even good for them. I'm not
Lance Hart 1:09:26 hating on Oh, that's a cool job man. Just show up on set, got chairs sit down in it. Action. You got an assistant who brings you coffee and shit. But it makes sense for like the Avengers movie where there's like millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars coming in. You need someone to like be in charge and have a vision.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:09:42 Let's say the Avengers parody though whose boy, we had contention with that it was not a good one.
Lance Hart 1:09:47 What's it doesn't make sense to me because most people don't watch porn linear. It's something he wants to jerk off to by nature. Otherwise, it's not morally right. Yeah, if you're jerking off, I mean, you're not gonna watch it from 00 to 4750 you're skipping around, you're gonna be like, Where's the tits? Where's the big day? Where's CompTIA? Okay, cool All right. Oh, that's hot. What do you look like in the beginning though?
Unknown Speaker 1:10:07 except us who actually does exceptionally well? Yeah, look, we're the weirdos who we actually watch for the plot. Yeah, no, that's cool. That's you know people read playboy for the articles. We watch these portions of the plot and you happen to also be an official rep for playgirl.
Lance Hart 1:10:23 Yeah, officially I am. It's funny. It's never amounted to anything. It's just I was at a fall in Miami, and my friend Daniel, that the time was the only one left that worked at playgirl, like everyone a playgirl the magazine had died. The website it kind of was still there, but it was no one was, you know, there's nothing and everyone who left the company is a photographer, but he ended up being the CEO because no one else was around. I don't know if there's a board or whatever, for whatever reason, he got stuck with a job. I was like, how's that buddy? And he's like, well, keep paying me. Well, there's no budget to make any movies and there's no You know, I don't know what I do, really? And I was like, Can I be your spokesmodel? And he's like, and I was like, you're not to pay me. I just want to like, be a spokesmodel playgirl, I think it'd be cool. You know what I mean? He's like, Yeah, and I was like, I'll make one movie. I'll pay for the whole thing. And I'll put it on playground. And then just say under spokesmodel and he's like, Alright, nice, you know,
Unknown Speaker 1:11:20 is it that is enterprising as fuck Lance. All I'm saying is if your friend Daniel needs an official podcast of plague, we would love to be the official podcast player. We will make at least one podcast for plague.
Lance Hart 1:11:34 Yeah. So then we'll do the one thing they had to do. I was like, Alright, I made the movie spent the money. I did it with Mona whales. And it was just cute is like a really good little cute, straight porn is fine, you know, and then uploaded it to their site. And then I was like, I just want you to put on the little blog section of playgirl.com that I'm the official spokesmodel and then I can always just point at it and be like, hey, look at that. Look, I've spoken on the playground. And they did that and they never took it down, and then the company's gotten bought and sold many times since then, but as far as I know, it's still on their site, the 1.1 of the new owners playgirl DM me on Instagram. And he said, Hey, I noticed you said to the spokesmodel playgirl more your posts. You can't say that you're not our spokesmodel. And I was like, Well, here's the link on your site, it says, Are you do you really own the company? Who are you? Oh, my bad. Yeah, I just bought this company. I don't really know what's going on.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:12:29 Just keep spokesmodel like, whatever that entails. You do. You folks. For our company, you model it at this point.
Lance Hart 1:12:36 If they take it away, it's like I was the playgirl. spokesmodel for five years. Cool. Fuck it. It's served its purpose. You know what I mean? as cool on the resume. I guess I'm like the only director of playgirl to because they haven't made new content and yours, and I'm the only one that made a movie and put it on there. So I could go on the head director of playgirl
Unknown Speaker 1:12:57 no one would probably challenge you on it either. Well no
Lance Hart 1:13:00 cuz What are they? Yeah, who else is directed a movie for you and your no one? Do you want another one? I'm thinking about it. I'm looking at working on my vision. I just need to get a new chair go with
Unknown Speaker 1:13:09 executive director, executive. Do you have a vision board too? We have ideas we keep putting on the vision board have a
Lance Hart 1:13:16 vision or two. I'm just working on getting a chair with my name on it.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:19 I'll order one for you. You can just sit there and say action and cut that's all you need to say. Now
Lance Hart 1:13:23 he said action has its I'm not lying. Half the time the Director of Photography who's the camera guy? If you want to give them a title, he'll be like, Okay, you guys set up we're talking to him. We're not talking to director because the director is looking at their phone in their nice share, you know, they're like fucking off. And then we're like, ready? Got a boner. Okay, ready? You need the penetration now for a camera guy. Yeah, we need that. Okay. And he'll be like, hey, director, does this look good to you? And they're like, you know what he's like, okay, we're ready rolling speed. And then it's quiet. And he's like, are you gonna say action action
That's the job that someone's job is awesome
Yvette d'Entremont 1:14:04 for them. I'm just imagining this awkward moment before you're like, Look, I'm ready to put my penis into something and I just need a cue from a person who's not involved in the actual dicking itself. And this is weird. It's
Lance Hart 1:14:16 so weird. Yeah, that's just my experience. Someone else who works on lots of big sets might have different extra work on if it's a big scene or a big train scene. I'm in it for like that, but the street side makes a lot more big, big scene so they maybe they have directors that work really hard and do stuff more than sit in a chair. I don't I don't want to talk shit. I'm just saying. I just think it's fascinating. Such a cool job
Unknown Speaker 1:14:37 really fascinated by it, which is why we do this. So speaking of people who yell commands at us, oh, baby.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:46 So we're not talking about our spouses. This time. We're talking about our Patreon Cindy. Yes. And our patrons, by the way, sent Lance that fantastic microphone he's using today. Yeah. Yeah, you're Keeping it that's all yours. Ooh, cool. Yeah should hear from you. So they should probably call you and put you on more podcast. So in case that happens, you've got yourself a microphone on the microphone or if it doesn't, you could stick it up. Someone's asked good. We're not gonna stop you or not your parents. Totally Well, when we tell people to shove something of an ass we mean that with love. So this week, we want to thank rowdy rich Falco Eris night Kyle Washington Hamilton, Mark Romer, Michael Gad Neil Simpson priest pilot Mr. Danks, Tracy Miller, Tora Bora Jorn Teresa Sol, Samuel Jenkins, and many many others. And if you want to become a Patreon as well, you can join us@patreon.com slash two girls one Mike, but by the way, if you can't, that's totally fine. Just please leave us a comment on iTunes or wherever you're listening to us from and tell all your friends about the show because you know, you want to tell your friends who watch porn so tell all your friends, all your friends so where can by the way are fans find you if they want to see or hear more of you?
Lance Hart 1:16:04 Well if you want to jerk off to the poor I make you go to man up films calm and that's if you like gay porn with spandex and superheroes and hypnosis and wow, all that kind of power dynamic, sexy. I only hire sexy muscle men really unsexy dudes. And then if you like girls being hot leotards and stuff, jerking dudes off and getting their calm all over on they're focusing on the blind and using their decks and cuckolding and all kinds of stuff that's sweet femme Dom calm, or just search me on Pornhub just search landsharks h A RT, my Twitter is Lance heart fetish. And my Instagram is now Lance Hart and cats. Because it's a cat thing. It's not about porn.
Unknown Speaker 1:16:47 Love it and we'll link to all the places in the show notes as well. Thank you so much. And you've had where can our listeners find you y'all can find me at the Sybase on Instagram and Twitter and@facebook.com slash Sai Bay where as usual, I am being sciency. And occasionally just a little snarky touch there. Anyways, Alice, where can our listeners find you and the rest of the podcast info y'all can find me on Twitter at rational blonde, but you guys can also interact with us on Patreon or on the Facebook's Instagram, wherever you guys can find us or just by the way, you could find everything at two girls one Mike calm. But again, tell all your friends join us online. Thanks for joining us. And thanks Lance so much for joining us as well. It's been fun having you all. It's
Unknown Speaker 1:17:33 been fun. Thanks for having me. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:17:35 absolutely. Thank you And guys, thanks for listening. Bye bye bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
03 Jul 2019
#44- I'll Be In My Bunk
01:03:05
Alice & Yvette are joined this week with Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) & pornstar Riley Reyes (RileyReyXXX)! The threesome nerd out and get weird with porn horcruxes, consent culture in porn, ethical porn, clown orgies, bad sex advice, alternative sex toy stores, and a squirrel eating a taco shell in a tree.
Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better
Unknown Speaker 0:08 approved and this one is definitely tested
Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers
Alice Vaughn 0:15 and the tea bags. You mean teabagging?
Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye?
Unknown Speaker 0:25 My husband's calls it It took a fucking village,
Yvette d'Entremont 0:28 a literal fucking village
Alice Vaughn 0:30 and well worth it because thanks to clone a Willie we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers
Yvette d'Entremont 0:36 and we can even make them buzz.
Alice Vaughn 0:39 No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership
Unknown Speaker 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice
Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Welcome to Two girls one Mike the porn cast where the orgasms are made up and the plot doesn't matter. I'm your co host Yvette Dr. Mon here is my lovely by vivacious rambunctious, hysterical. And did I mention she has a nice butt co host Alice Vaughn Ellis, how the fuck are you doing today?
Alice Vaughn 1:25 I am so disappointed in you. The plot doesn't matter. I'm sorry. You know,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:29 it doesn't. But that's why we can make fun of it. And it can still be a fantastic porn that gets you off.
Alice Vaughn 1:35 I feel like I don't know you anymore.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:39 Well, I mean, that was part of the premise of the podcast before we started doing this was you know, you can make fun of the science in a sci fi movie and you too bad you still get out of that movie, what you went in there for? And it's kind of same thing with a porn, or at least it used to be before we really started doing this podcast and now I'm like, No, I want the pot to be good.
Alice Vaughn 1:56 I mean, the problem is now that if the pot sucks, I can't get out. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 2:00 it's really sad now I'm like, really? Your entire plot was just step mother thinks step daughter's boyfriend is hot. Like that's your entire plot. Come on.
Alice Vaughn 2:10 Really? This is a fake cab you okay? You don't have Venmo you don't have PayPal. There is no other way we can pay for this transaction except tips. This is the only way
Yvette d'Entremont 2:20 to be fair. I've had some really dark times in New York, but that was before Venmo so I don't believe any of it now. So Riley What do you think? And actually, guys, we have a guest on the show today. We have a three way scissoring today, guys, it's gonna be very hot. I'm so excited. That sounds very complicated. You know, six legs shit can happen.
Alice Vaughn 2:40 Am I that flexible? Is the question. So we have on the show, performer and advocate vice president of APAC, the adult performer advocacy committee, Riley raise Riley, welcome
Riley Reyes 2:52 to the show. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Yvette d'Entremont 2:54 We're very happy to have you on with us.
Unknown Speaker 2:56 So question, is there a way to pay for it? taxicab other than money in tickets
Riley Reyes 3:02 other than money and tickets. I don't think so.
Unknown Speaker 3:05 There's so many other body parts
Riley Reyes 3:06 I feel like it's just money or sex. I guess you could give someone drugs or food depending on their motivation but probably not like a real cab probably just like some guy you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 3:18 feel like most regular cabs are going to be like now I want to cash Yeah, I feel like there are some that be like no my as much as I would love you to suck my dick like my boss is gonna kill me if I don't come back with this ride paid for. Who knows. I've also never had to, you know fuck a pizza delivery boy. But you know, then again, my husband used to be a pizza delivery boy. So you could say I'm fucking one all the damn time.
Alice Vaughn 3:41 Well, there you go. Does he ever bring you a pizza is a better question.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:44 Oh, he doesn't. This whole relationship is built on a throne of lies and I need my husband to bring me a pizza. Clearly. I'm the cook in the house. He's the one that makes coffee.
Riley Reyes 3:56 It's important to have your roles figured out like that. Good division of labor. He makes Much
Yvette d'Entremont 4:00 better coffee than me I it's not that he can't cook it's that I love it. So that's how the division happened. But yeah, I do get to fuck up delivery boy we should we should roll we've never role played that though that is happening and I'm going to mix it with the horse that challenge
Alice Vaughn 4:15 I kind of want you guys to go all in on this roleplay like I want him to apply for a job at a local Pizza Hut pizza store really commit I don't
Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 know which one he worked at like you know his high school job and I'm like I want him to show up to the door with a pizza.
Alice Vaughn 4:28 I want you just to make the actual transaction like call up your local Domino's and say I would like to place an order he applied for specifically a little delivery boy job and he came to deliver a pizza so I think
Yvette d'Entremont 4:41 your give me a few days I can talk him into this. I'm very invested in my roleplay I'm sorry there's no other way to put this you know he was down for having his penis cloned for clonal Willie, so I'm pretty sure I can talk him into baby. I have this idea. So how would you like to go back to working at Domino's again cuz you I'm sure you would love it so much as a teenager.
Alice Vaughn 5:02 Riley, what's the most interesting job? You've had either fake job performing in porn or just in real life?
Riley Reyes 5:09 I mean, my job before I got into porn was working in production. And I did a lot of theater. And I did a lot of department store window installations actually in New York City. So the high end department store windows were pretty cool. We used to make a bunch of crazy sculptures. I'd be in some warehouse in Red Hook fiberglassing things in the middle of the summer. It was wild actually sounds like a lot of fun. Not the fiberglassing but a lot of the other stuff. I got to paint and glitter things and put fake snow on stuff and make tiny Christmas elves. That was fun.
Yvette d'Entremont 5:41 I can see that being good. So Riley, how did
Alice Vaughn 5:43 you get into the industry? Since you were a creative before?
Riley Reyes 5:47 Oh, I really consider myself kind of a hobbyist who went Pro. Alright, so I was working as an artist. I was going to lots and lots of sex parties, like on weekends, sometimes even during the week. I'd really fallen in with this. Cool crowd of like New York City, Brooklynite. vernors would love to warehouse parties that Bernard says and they go to brown and like polyamorous people, swingers all having these really neat themed sex parties and I was out playing going to these parties constantly, pretty much every weekend. Now part of me wants to know if we have friends in common from that. See,
Alice Vaughn 6:23 I have a strong feeling. We have a lot of friends in common since I'm in New York and I have a lot of friends who are burners so
Riley Reyes 6:29 well, I'm sure I have fucked some people, you know. But that's the scene kind of inspired me to try out porn. I'd always wanted to try but people tell you, it'll ruin your life and you'll be a social pariah. But once I was friends with these people, I said, You know, I don't think it will. I think these people will still like me and be my friend and did a few scenes is kind of on a lark and really liked it and ended up finally moving to Los Angeles to pursue it full time.
Yvette d'Entremont 6:56 I highly encourage moving to Los Angeles, not not just for porn, just because Los Angeles is way better than anywhere else in the universe or New York.
Alice Vaughn 7:03 I'm very offended by that.
Yvette d'Entremont 7:05 I'm like, Look, it's just it's New York only it's warm and you feel like you can take a breath once in a while because the city isn't screaming at you constantly. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 7:13 but you're not in traffic half the day, so Okay, fine. You
Riley Reyes 7:16 wait, what about pizza rat? I think we're all forgetting the cultural importance of pizza rats. A rat
Yvette d'Entremont 7:22 was a hoax.
Unknown Speaker 7:23 No,
Unknown Speaker 7:24 yes, it was an amazingly well executed hoax. I was
Alice Vaughn 7:28 shocked. It was all of us.
Yvette d'Entremont 7:30 We were all a part of it. And it was all a part of us. But no, it was this person that pulls off these kind of like viral social media hoaxes. It's the most I read the story a bit and I was like, nothing is real. And I question everything now. It's amazing all the little things that somebody might be out there doing these little pranks that were like this fucked with my senses of reality. And you think this is real and finding out pizza route was fake was just Why?
Alice Vaughn 7:55 I mean, it's just so symbolic of New York to I mean, I saw and I'm not even kidding when I say This I saw a few months ago, a squirrel in the trees with a taco shell. And I felt like that embodied a lot of me. But I mean still pizza rat is just
Unknown Speaker 8:10 Alice Are you sure that's not your animal guy? You're your spirit creature that you it's not your form that you're transformed into like in the Harry Potter universe and no I am. I feel a squirrel with a taco is you?
Unknown Speaker 8:26 You're very fast paced and you like tacos? I think it's you.
Riley Reyes 8:29 That's a powerful talisman.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:33 Yeah, squirrel at the taco.
Alice Vaughn 8:34 So I feel like we kind of touched on this before we started the show. But what are the horcruxes and porn?
Yvette d'Entremont 8:40 What are the pieces of ones of a porn star soul I think or wherever you store your soul.
Unknown Speaker 8:46 I mean, one of them easily, like a lot of souls can fit in dreads penis or his testicles. subleased
Yvette d'Entremont 8:52 there's another one for dreads penis. His dreads penis is actually one of Voldemort's horcruxes
Riley Reyes 8:58 jets penis is testament to what the human body can be. It defies all reason. And it's been inside my butthole so I feel pretty proud. Oh, we have questions
Yvette d'Entremont 9:09 ask, how long did it take to ease it in? That's what I got to know.
Riley Reyes 9:14 Well, the thing with angel is that if you're going for something that big, it isn't even really a day of sort of process. It's the like, weeks leading up to a sort of process where you're gonna work your way up like bigger and bigger bugs until you're ready. So the day of it didn't take that long. Cool.
Alice Vaughn 9:32 I feel like this is what should be in an Olympic event almost being able to mount it.
Yvette d'Entremont 9:36 Yeah, I mean, he is mountain Dredd. We just have all the respect in the world both for that penis and for anyone who dares attempt it. So we
Alice Vaughn 9:44 got hemorrhoids just thinking about it.
Riley Reyes 9:46 Well, people do fisting so you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 9:48 yeah. Where would you hide yourself or actually would have to be something that people would have to work hard to find.
Alice Vaughn 9:54 Definitely is not in the tub of lube on set a Bible.
Riley Reyes 9:58 Oh, Bible would be an interesting one. I feel like one of the things about a Horcrux is its creation, right? So you have to be tearing your soul into pieces while it is created. So, to create a Horcrux in porn, you would have to be doing some sort of an activity that sort of broke your soul a little bit. So I feel like it would probably be at one of those big shiny red carpet events where all the cameras are pointed at me and I just want to be at home watching Netflix. I feel like my soul gets broken a little bit so probably one of my handbags from that nice nondescript barely comes out of the closet. No one
Unknown Speaker 10:34 else thinks about it, you know, put it into the goodie bag. That's you know, it's like, oh, I clitoral lube. That's something I really needed to spit isn't a thing. Exactly. Since we're all nerding out here. I did a little bit of research on you Riley and I found something what that kind of made me fall in love with you when you run a podcast. It's called research when you're just a plain old human on the internet. It's a little bit of stalking. Thanks, but we run a podcast So it's good to find
Alice Vaughn 11:01 so I love how you created your last name for porn. Oh, yeah. Coming from Firefly, right?
Riley Reyes 11:07 Yeah, I had to change it though I haven't been Riley Reynolds in years because there was another Brian Reynolds who is an agent in Florida, who ended up having a very unflattering documentary made about him hot girls wanted. And oh, when I first started in porn, I used the name Riley Reynolds. I was super excited to take the name of Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly. And then I had to change it because I was associated with him and it was not doing well for my brand. So I changed it to a name as close as I could come and I'm Riley Raz, but uh, you did some digging. She was thorough, and I'm sad to have lost my Firefly name. But it was his birth name. And there was a big popular documentary and there was no way I was going to rest my name back from that.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:52 Fair enough. I think I might have seen that one. Was that the documentary on on people looking for models in Russia or am I mixing it up with another creepy documentary It was
Riley Reyes 12:00 a creepy documentary based in Florida and produced by overheated Jones.
Alice Vaughn 12:05 Oh, wait, I know which one you're talking about. That's the one that where they discuss people getting into the industry for about three months. The Florida culture of porn and all of that stuff with it, right? Yeah.
Riley Reyes 12:17 So the agent there is Riley Reynolds of hasi models. No. Yeah. So that is it's actually always interesting. Many people in interviews like So tell me about how you chose your name. And I'm like, I chose the nearest name. I could get to my old name that I wanted.
Alice Vaughn 12:36 Oh, there was a nerd connection. I tried.
Riley Reyes 12:40 I will Firefly is very exciting. I got to see their 20th reunion panel at New York Comic Con so there's that was cool. I can't believe it's
Yvette d'Entremont 12:48 been that long since so many people got so mad about it being canceled.
Riley Reyes 12:52 Yeah, and that was a couple years ago.
Yvette d'Entremont 12:54 It was all foxes fault. A lot of things are all box sorry. You're not sorry. No, I'm not at all. Yeah, that seems fair. I stand by that statement.
Alice Vaughn 13:05 But yeah, so talking about a shitty movie that of how people are treated poorly in the industry, I think can be a decent segue to what you do, which is the wonderful work that APAC does. Why would we actually start by talking a little bit about what a PAC is? Because I'm still learning about it. And event and I are industry adjacent.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:24 Yeah, we consider ourselves you know, not part of, you know, in this and I don't think our audience or most of it is heard about this. So and they should
Riley Reyes 13:32 well, APAC is the adult farmer advocacy committee. We are a small nonprofit, but we are run entirely by and for the performers. So unlike FSC, the free speech coalition, which does amazing things for the industry, but is more representative of producers because that's where they get their funding. We are really, by and for performers exclusively and try to provide them with support resources, education. We also do like lobbying and outreach to lawmakers to help us be better represented on that end.
Alice Vaughn 14:07 That's awesome. I knew it was already a great group when I clicked on the homepage and one of the performers that I saw front and center was Ella darling, whom we love her. Oh, yes, Ella
Riley Reyes 14:17 was on the board for many years. She is no longer but she is still a valued supporter.
Alice Vaughn 14:23 So would you consider a pack a union for performers or just really a resource hub?
Riley Reyes 14:29 We're not a union. We're, we're just an advocacy group. I love the idea of adult performers unionizing. But because we are so disparate, and because we are so varied in our backgrounds, it's hard to get people to unite behind a banner for collective bargaining. So a pack just acts as an advocacy organization, a support organization and a community organization. So what type of specific things do you do for performers, I think our audience would love to hear a few examples here. I'd love to talk about the programs we have. I have recently pioneered a launch of a mentorship program where experienced performers can help newer performers in need, who want to have that kind of community support. We also offer mental health resources. We've got a sign up for group therapy sessions for people in the industry, which we find people need often after a loss in the industry or something else difficult that's going on. And we also provide monthly meetings that are accompanied by some sort of an enriching event. So it'll be a workshop on how to do rope bondage, or it'll be a class on how to handle your taxes or it'll be a community event to support a cause. We just did our pride month meeting, which was to benefit buck angels new charity transform house for recently incarcerated trans folks to help them transition to the next stage of their life. Nice. That was an amazing laundry list of a very wide range of services. We keep busy, and we try to help people with whatever they come to us with people will come to us needing legal support to get out of a situation with an agent. They're no longer happy with people who have come to us. Just for career advice people have come to us and looking to find just community events where they can be close to their fellow performers. We get all kinds of inquiries when we try to help everyone we can we also get inquiries from people who do not belong there like this guy's trying to get into porn or things like that.
Yvette d'Entremont 16:41 We get a lot of those. That's special. And now with sesta fossa have new challenges and new things you need to provide resources to deal with have any of those come up because it says to foster
Riley Reyes 16:55 honestly says to foster has most distinctly impacted People who are doing full service sex work, which is not specifically in our purview as an adult performer organization. But we have found that after sesta fascia, we've been able to form coalition with other sex worker activist groups to great effect. We've been helping to push to get Senate Bill, believe it's 233 passed here in California, which would help full service sex workers, it would not allow them to use condoms as evidence in cases prosecuting sex workers and also gives them immunity from being charged if they come forward about violent crimes they've witnessed or that have been perpetrated against them. Oh, thank God. So that's really cool and has made it through two of the three things that needs to do to get past That's awesome. Now quick question regarding not utilizing condoms as evidence. I'm just curious what the idea rationale behind that as honestly I'm don't understand the rationale behind using them as evidence in Many places in the United States and I'm sure the world just carrying condoms can make you a suspect as someone who sells sex
Alice Vaughn 18:10 Oh, okay. Not a used condom. It just Yes, having a pack of condoms. Oh,
Riley Reyes 18:15 I was thinking DNA testing. So if you are, let's say a trans woman walking in the wrong part of town, and you have condoms on you, they'll use that as evidence that he was a sex worker. Correct. And that is outrageous and encourages unsafe behavior and makes things riskier for those most marginalized and so, APAC is for adult former specifically, but we always try to lend a hand if there are other sex worker causes that we can boost like that. My brain still going you mean having a condom on you can? like yeah, I'll get over that in like two weeks. Yeah, they're really reaching for straws to profile people. Usually trans women of color. real growth. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 19:01 that's very disappointing. And another thing you mentioned, actually, so going back for a hot second, sometimes even weeding out potentially bad apples, you know, people coming into the industry who really, you know, set their expectations differently, or even maybe directors or persons who may not be acting well. So I'm curious, I know even one of our patrons, Mike sorbetto. He was interested in what might be being done if anything to address bad behavior within the industry. I feel like everybody has had an idea of how mi two has kind of impacted, really everything else. But no one's really talked about what's being done in porn, if anything at all.
Riley Reyes 19:38 I feel like in porn, since it's sort of decentralized, it becomes hard to have any kind of a body that will oversee these sorts of problems. Yeah, the porn industry doesn't have an HR. The closest thing it has is APAC and FSC. And we really fall short of being able to fulfill those duties, having a board that can oversee complaints, provide people with training and gain some kind of justice is a special skill set all in itself, you basically need an HR department to be operating. And we simply don't have one as an industry. And so right now we're operating on pretty much a call out culture and then independent investigations by the production company associated with the director or photographer who had the complaint against them. And those investigations are varying in rigor and in public satisfaction with their accountability, which is shame. I mean, we know that there have been complaints about for instance, James Dean in the past, I mean, some fairly severe complaints and he's performing again and there are some performers that just won't work with the companies that are hiring him. And I don't know if that's fair. I don't know if that's right. That you know, some women are just staying away from potential women. work. I don't want to say that it's mandatory that it be forced out of the industry, but it's very strange. They're like, well, he might have done something that that violates the rules of everything we try to say is happening in sex and should happen in consensual sex, but we're just gonna, we're gonna let that slide like, I don't know what the answer to that is. It's really frustrating that we have no framework for any kind of justice. Really, it's all just vague and decentralized. But ideally, if we could have a framework, I would like I would like it to be one that was based on restorative justice. That makes sense. The allegations that I know of against James were from a while ago, and I certainly I'm not saying they didn't happen, I'm saying, I would like to see a path towards redemption that he could take to reenter the community in a way that was fully accountable, and not just this sort of vague. Well, I guess it's been long enough that he was in timeout. Let's test it again. kind of vibe that I'm getting now. I wish there was something a little more
Yvette d'Entremont 21:59 Yeah, I mean, that's It's okay for when your dog sits on the carpet, but not when a human does it to your industry. And I don't know what the answer is like, Is there an amount of time? Yeah, those are just the things we're struggling with, I guess
Riley Reyes 22:10 I have interacted with him. And I get the impression from interacting with him that he understands why what he did before was wrong and is interested in interacting with the culture in a way that is productive at positive at this point. But at the end of the day, I'm just one person who talked to him a few times. I'd love for there to be a system in place that could actually create a restorative justice structure. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 22:38 exactly. That would be fantastic.
Alice Vaughn 22:40 Yeah, the problem is, especially with cloud culture, it's Yes, you can call out bad behavior, but what is the actionable thing that you can do? The problem is, especially in porn, is that if hypothetically something happens on set, I mean, not only do you not have HR, but if hypothetically, someone does so Non consensual onset to you guys. It's gonna be even harder to hypothetically go to even the cops because
Unknown Speaker 23:05 well, you're a porn actor Didn't you know this is part of the deal?
Alice Vaughn 23:08 Exactly. And that's not okay. At all. Their problem is that they make so many assumptions about you guys as well as the industry itself that you guys get less help than really anyone.
Riley Reyes 23:23 Yeah. Law enforcement doesn't know what to do if one of us tries to come to them with an assault story, because their whole ideas Didn't you get paid to go to set and have sex, and they don't have any kind of understanding of nuance, and there's no way for them to really interact with it. Well, you're saying cops don't understand nuance what what are you saying? You crazy ideas you're having here whole legal system doesn't understand anything involving nuancing consent, like no, it has a lot of trouble even recognizing date rape as a rape because you went out with tend to go on a date. Now, if you showed up on set to a highly stigmatized profession to have sex on camera for a living, the legal system really is not prepared to give you any kind of justice. And so you have to sort of seek it on your own through your community. And that sucks. And it's interesting, because I've heard it's funny people will come to me and say, but Alice, they'll say that you need consent during every step of the wait, like, you know, can I touch you? Can I do this?
Alice Vaughn 24:27 Yeah. Have you ever had sex with someone? I want to ask those people? And to those same people, I kind of want to say like,
Yvette d'Entremont 24:32 what about when I stick a finger in your butthole? Is that okay? I didn't ask. Do I have to as soon as I'm naked? It means I can put anything and anything and not ask according to some people were too shitty,
Riley Reyes 24:44 right? I feel like there's an opportunity on every adult set. Since you guys are industry. Jason, you probably know this. Before every scene you'll have a little quick talk about do's and don'ts. And a lot of times that's your opportunity to communicate that but I think Find a lot, especially with newer performers. They don't even necessarily know what might come up that they are not comfortable with. Yeah, like a newer girl might not realize she has to say, I don't like spit in my face, please. Or don't choke me. Those are things that I know I would have to say if I didn't want them. But a lot of people don't necessarily know what the sandbox that they're playing in looks like what the edges of it are. Yeah, and which things they would have to negotiate before they start doing a scene.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:29 Like I did not know that I did not like canes until the first time tried having someone cane me and it was not pleasant. And I did not like I don't know still if they were just bad at it. How do you know that going in? Or it was just that's how I learned and it would have sucked a lot to find out on a porn set.
Riley Reyes 25:48 I always am fascinated with people who do experimentation on camera for that reason. I know some people like love that they have documented their first and they got to explore on camera. Sophia grace told me that was one Her favorite things about porn is that she gots to all this sexual exploration on camera. I'm just sitting there. What if you didn't like it is so much pressure to
Yvette d'Entremont 26:08 Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a good enough actor to pretend that something's making me feel good when I want to punch the person doing to me in the face. Sorry.
Riley Reyes 26:15 Right. So I think part of the problem is people don't understand what they can negotiate for. I've noticed more and more companies because of this problem, have implemented two things. One of them is for performer on performer concerns what we're talking about right now. And what they've done for that is they've started including a consent checklist for performers, something really simple that just has your physical and your verbal do's and don'ts that performers can fill out before scene for one another. I know gamma is doing this and all these sets and several other companies have started to do this, I think to legally cover their asses, but it's also creating a consent culture that I like to see and I'm excited that it's there.
Alice Vaughn 26:57 I think that's great. However,
Riley Reyes 26:59 a lot of reasons Farmers seem to view it as stupid. Like I've been on set with people who are in philosophic. What do you mean? nicknames? You can't call me I'm like, if you don't want to be called a whore, that's a thing. Like, what do you mean like do's and don'ts and like, well, like, some people don't like to be choked. Some people don't like to be spit on. Some people don't like snowballing. Like, you just just pick the things you don't want to do. And if it's, and they even on the gamma sets require you to write an A, if there's nothing that you want to say, just so that they have a documentation that you had the option to say that. And when they give you this paperwork, they also tell you that you have the right to change your mind at anytime and call cut at any time. If you change your mind about how you feel during the course of the scene, which I think is really a step in the right direction.
Alice Vaughn 27:45 I think that's completely fair. I mean, you could be hypothetically, let's say into choking, but maybe a specific performer is doing it in a way that you don't feel comfortable with them doing that to you. So why not say no, actually, we tried it during the scene. I I'm good. Let's not continue.
Riley Reyes 28:02 Yeah, it's important to be able to retract. This is a win for everyone. Hopefully the culture will start to become more comfortable with this idea of talking about your do's and don'ts. I think it makes a better scene. I think it's hot away, and it will have better sex. If I have a little sheet or I can go. You know what, I don't really like it when you spank me. But like, I would love it if you choked me, and I like things to be really sloppy with lots of spit. Are you comfortable with that? And I think that you get a better scene when people know what each other like, I don't think there's anything bad about you
Yvette d'Entremont 28:34 get excited about things together as opposed to talking someone into it. Crazy thought.
Alice Vaughn 28:40 So actually, this kind of leads into another question that another one of her patrons had. Paul, he mentioned, what do you wish people knew about the porn they consume? And the people who helped make it? I mean, we're kind of getting into the topic of ethical porn, and we always encourage our listeners to pay for your porn. Seriously guys pay for your porn pay for your porn. But in all honesty, people have asked, Well, how do I know what I'm consuming is ethical. I mean, do you have any insight into that?
Riley Reyes 29:11 The best surefire way to know that someone wants to be making the porn you're consuming is to buy the porn that they make themselves subscribed to their only fans buy from their clips for sale, buy it directly from the performer that you like, because that way you know that they're basically just making the porn that they want to make with their buddies. That is a really good piece of insight. Otherwise, I mean, I could list off a bunch of companies that I like and that I've had good experiences with. But honestly, people's experiences vary, and I feel a little bit reticent to project my own experiences onto everybody else. But I'd say just try to go out there and honestly, consuming from the bigger studios or directly from performers is probably the safest CEOs like penthouse or like gamma, who I've been talking so fondly of, like even kink, who had a bit of a rocky start now has really amazing consent work. Any of these more big brands are going to have a more well oiled consent machine and sort of HR department in a way. It's basically big studios or direct from performer and of course, I like direct from performer because that's me, and that's me and my friends having the sex that we want to have, you know, in our apartments and filming it for you guys. And there's something really cool and intimate about that.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:38 Pair of two girls one Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love
Alice Vaughn 30:46 them to love some really strong word.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:48 According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm and that is close enough.
Alice Vaughn 30:55 And we will never recommend anything we haven't personally tested
Yvette d'Entremont 30:59 which is why You can trust us when we say we highly recommend Cloner Willy
Alice Vaughn 31:03 because with clone Willy you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats
Unknown Speaker 31:10 I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with photo Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy.
Alice Vaughn 31:20 As we found it's a fun and messy process.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:23 And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and evasive maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk, but instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator
Alice Vaughn 31:32 and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall,
Unknown Speaker 31:34 hide it in your goodie drawer for
Alice Vaughn 31:36 when you're home alone, send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united. Use it to fix
Yvette d'Entremont 31:42 a broken leak,
Alice Vaughn 31:44 or to cause one personal experience. Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:53 So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls. where can
Alice Vaughn 31:58 our listeners find out more about this matter? To quote unquote go to quarter
Yvette d'Entremont 32:02 Willie comm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Alice Vaughn 32:10 I really, right now this is just going into my own fantasy territory because I just want to start supplying I feel like Alice is gonna be a cam girl one day I know I guys,
Yvette d'Entremont 32:20 no, stop it. Maybe there is nothing wrong with that and you're asked would make a killing. I'm just saying no, she had a great app.
Alice Vaughn 32:26 You don't even know where I'm going by this. I
Yvette d'Entremont 32:29 know. I was just derailing it as usual. Go on, go on
Alice Vaughn 32:33 green screens. So Riley, I kind of want more performers to have green screens. Because yes, you could be putting a dildo into your ass. But what if it was on
Yvette d'Entremont 32:45 the moon? I want it to be on the side of Jurassic Park. I want dinosaurs ripping each other to shreds behind your fucking
Riley Reyes 32:52 Oh my God, I should get a green screen. Because I'm obsessed with bad dragon. I've got all these really fun fantasy dildo you're always like, they don't really fit in in my bedroom or my living room or any of the other sets I can rent even like the cool ones it's like a bar or a restaurant or a doctor's office or school they still didn't fit with a bad dragon dildos but I could green screen and all kinds of crazy fantasy shit.
Alice Vaughn 33:15 You could be a guest on Larry King. Oh my god Shut
Yvette d'Entremont 33:19 up. I have a green screen you can borrow? I live in in the dtla area
Riley Reyes 33:24 that's amazing. I'm gonna get my elf ears and all my various monster pillows and show up at your house.
Unknown Speaker 33:30 Oh my god, it's Don't tempt her this is going to happen.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:33 I know when we first moved into this place it's basically the area where our bed is now was once upon a time used as a stage and when we first put the bed on to it because they had not taken down the light and the speakers were like fuck There's our bedroom look like a porn set and I'm I'm a little sad that the lights were taken down like the part of me that's like, I would like a place that looks livable. Thank you is glad that they're down. But like for a while it was like, Can we turn on the red and blue While we're having sex tonight, we have enough lights and everything set up and I'm like when should we start renting this out for porn productions?
Riley Reyes 34:08 Well now you've done it now you're not gonna be able to get rid of me
Yvette d'Entremont 34:11 darn come on over I'll set up a green screen
Alice Vaughn 34:15 Oh, what a shame having Riley come over film a scene? Yeah, come over and do weird stuff. How weird I might be into it. I'll pay for it. We have
Yvette d'Entremont 34:24 whatever you need here. I'll provide the sanitation and the lube. You go to town. I have a really good camera.
Riley Reyes 34:30 Like loudly fisting myself in your home in front of your green screen
Yvette d'Entremont 34:35 define loudly like well the entire house here just the apartment because either way it's great. I just want to know
Riley Reyes 34:41 definitely at least the apartment depends how into it I get I guess. Oh hell yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:45 Let's bring over the bat the bat dragon toys to people need to sell. Yeah, they're fantastic. If you guys don't know these things look like either monster. penises or tails are technical. They're just they're beautiful. If you
Alice Vaughn 34:57 want a demogorgon dick
Riley Reyes 34:59 to have it on. I haven't gotten the demogorgon currently I have a tentacle that glows in the dark. I have a horse stick. I have one of their big thick dragon Dix. It's like It's like a fist in its proportions, which I appreciate. And then I have the Griffin deck, but it also it has come to so I can make it squirt. I want to
Yvette d'Entremont 35:21 who there was one on there that I decided to order, specifically because I'm like, I remember killing that creature in Witcher three. I totally want the dick of it. So if y'all want to know how nerdy I am, that's how I order my dildos have I killed the creature in a nerd video game. Yes, I want the deck there
Alice Vaughn 35:38 come lube looks so much like come it's kind of creepy. I
Riley Reyes 35:42 just got a really great viscosity for anal play to
Yvette d'Entremont 35:46 like oh, I'm ordering
Riley Reyes 35:46 that too. I really appreciate I like I love that I'm just like completely non spawn here like that dragon please notice me let me be here. spokesmodel I believe in you.
Yvette d'Entremont 35:57 We love bad dragon here too. So it's go ahead and talk them about You want
Unknown Speaker 36:00 oh yeah I have a few of their shapes that's all I'm saying I am very happy lady because of them. So
Yvette d'Entremont 36:08 yeah, we've used and we approve so eventually we're going to get them as sponsors here Don't worry we're working on it. We want to get you those promo codes because we want you to pay for your sex and for your toys but not too much.
Riley Reyes 36:20 They've been very supportive I think because I put up publicity for them whenever I get a new toy so they've they'll give me discounts as it is. I
Alice Vaughn 36:28 saw someone and I think it was a bad dragon toy. It has to be I'm going back to my brain from like a week ago there was a clip online on Twitter I think it was that either Tommy shared or someone liked. And it was a woman super tiny. Actually Riley she looked a lot like you maybe she was you wasn't you
Yvette d'Entremont 36:51 will find out soon
Alice Vaughn 36:53 find out very quickly. But the point is, it was a tentacle, but it was a huge tentacle. It went up to like boob height. From when she was sitting and that first off concerned to be second off, she was very tiny and she got that all into her ass in one shot just went in
Yvette d'Entremont 37:09 panicle No, it's bigger. It was bigger. It's the reticle I saw that.
Alice Vaughn 37:14 Okay, so number one, how many organs did she have to remove to get that in? You
Riley Reyes 37:20 know, it's really amazing Emily people can accommodate. So yeah, like, honestly, I can fit more badly. But I really respect like intense high level animal training like that. And I really like topping for people who aspire to that level of anal sluttiness. Like, Natalie Mars is amazing as an angel bottom and so is Michael Vegas. They both just, they could really put a lot in there. And I really have fun with that.
Yvette d'Entremont 37:48 I'm just laughing because I love that we're at a type of conversation where we're like, we applaud all the things you stick in your ass for our pleasure. Thank you so much for the expansive work you do literally. Yeah, it's long.
Alice Vaughn 38:00 It really is. And there are people who are like, No, I have the clown car of anuses Oh, it's,
Yvette d'Entremont 38:07 I have nothing to respond with to that.
Unknown Speaker 38:11 You know what, as someone who wants to date a guy with a clown finish, that's the closest I'll get. So that's a read for me.
Yvette d'Entremont 38:18 I tried to lay tech guy clown fetish. I'm like, I look I don't have that much time to put on makeup. Like I say that I wear clown makeup. But like I stopped a little short of like, I've been to a clown themed orgy.
Riley Reyes 38:32 I went to a friend's birthday party in Bushwick. He is really into clowning and had always wanted to have a clown orgy. girl who was dating at the time was sort of a burlesque chick. And he asked for his birthday present to be a clown orgy. And a lot of people in the scene sort of grumbled, so they wouldn't be coming. And he said, I understand. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but this is my birthday. And I really wanted this for so long. And so everyone who went had to Be in costume. I painted my face up and I went to this fantastic clown sex party. Wow, were there different types of clowns it's someone show up as it were their balloons Did someone try making a balloon animal out of a penis
Alice Vaughn 39:12 I need to know and then stick it in an ash
Riley Reyes 39:15 there were balloons I didn't see anyone insert them into anyone. No one went is scary clowns. It was all just sort of designed to be like circus clowns somewhat for the happy clown someone for the sad clown little bit of every Oh, and he got a circle of boobs also was for his birthday present. So we put him in the middle of a circle of us dressed as clowns with our kids out right. He closed his eyes he got spun around really, really fast. And then he opened his eyes again and just like walk towards the first pair of boobs he saw and then he grabbed all the boobs he could and since we were clowns, we all started to each make our own noise for our boobs. So we start like honking rubber.
Yvette d'Entremont 39:50 Yeah. For
Unknown Speaker 39:53 circle of clown
Unknown Speaker 39:53 boobs just a reminder children at home all these things are okay if everyone has consented.
Riley Reyes 39:59 Yeah, and Of course, he asked right before the circle whoops, he said, who would like to come to the this room with me and let me grab their boobs. So we all went to a separate room if that was something we were interested in, okay with.
Alice Vaughn 40:10 Yeah, that's amazing. Um, what other themed orgies? Have you been to? Or have them just not held up to clown orgy?
Yvette d'Entremont 40:19 If you have anything that is tops that I need to know,
Riley Reyes 40:21 that clown orgy was definitely the most funny story about, I think the most impressive one, in terms of world building was a post apocalypse themed one. Oh my god, the guy who threw it created an entire story about post apocalyptic new Brooklyn. He posted all of the events and stories in character as the warlord of post apocalyptic new Brooklyn. I played a character there and helped him throw the party as one of his handmaidens. He had a guard. He had like a whole thing that he staged like later on as he was like going mad with power and see stayed in character. So it was like a post apocalyptic sex party meets LARP at least on his part because he really committed to the character all night other people kind of came as themselves.
Alice Vaughn 41:10 So based on the level of detail and planning, number one, this is something Alice is going to start doing. Maybe I'm not saying that I'm wet over here.
Yvette d'Entremont 41:22 But so how many binders is it take to make a good party? That's what Alice wants to know. That's what gets her really hard.
Alice Vaughn 41:29 This definitely sounds like three binders at least bare minimum.
Riley Reyes 41:33 Yeah, this this guy's definitely is someone who appreciates Vampire the Masquerade. He also did a Vampire the Masquerade themed party, in which he stayed in character and sort of wrote a whole story for himself as the host. And we all dress color coded based on like, which of the houses we were in. He really oh man likes those White Wolf gaming systems.
Yvette d'Entremont 41:54 I must saying Alice is going to start throwing sex parties, but I'm saying if she does, this is how she's doing it.
Alice Vaughn 41:59 Well, I'll have to To introduce the two of you. Who lives in Manhattan? Yes. So, okay, I'll be frank, I haven't gone to a sex party yet in New York at a pure curiosity, I'll eventually go to one. But the problem is I feel like my standards are around, learn more of, because I am a nerd. That's the kind of world I'm interested in. I'm into people actually caring about roles and character. So you do something post apocalyptic, you create a storyline, you
Yvette d'Entremont 42:34 find it a lot of these sex parties, the first like 20 minutes to an hour that everyone's there. There are a lot of people that are kind of nervous about the fact that eventually they're going to be naked and a lot of other people are going to see them so people forget to stay in character.
Riley Reyes 42:47 Yeah, a lot of these were sort of like innovate only within like the community that I was in. So you'd have to at least be vouched for by someone and come in as their couple or through apple or whatever you wanted to do. And usually For the ones I went to the first hour or so would be people are coming in the door and it's almost like a variety cabaret style act of whatever the thing is. The clown party was a lot less LARP like and a lot more of like a cabaret with like, Cool variety acts and like burlesque and stuff like that because that was that group. I just really hope someone committed ahead of time and just said, No, I'm staying at home. I can't shoot any clips because I need to learn how to make a balloon animal. I came in as a Skype guest to the second Vampire the Masquerade party, as like this freaky vampire Oracle. I did this crazy makeup with like tear stains like running down my face. And like we had a whole thing where I couldn't be there to have sex with people but I made an appearance. Part of
Yvette d'Entremont 43:48 the story. I feel like if there's a picture of this makeup, we need to take that picture and use it for the promo for the surface.
Riley Reyes 43:54 Oh my gosh, I'll have to go find it. It was on my first Instagram that got deleted but it may be fundable somewhere. We found
Yvette d'Entremont 44:00 our favorite nerd and the porn verse and we're showing it off
Alice Vaughn 44:03 oh my gosh you guys
Riley Reyes 44:04 you're just sitting here with me with like kind of my entire skull tapestry in the background. But there is a giant wall sized Rebel Alliance sigil from Star Wars next to me see a poster for this thing just a ton of video games let's see a we a ps4 ps to see an entire come over and we can battle it out in Mario Kart got a 360 over there like we just got like switch a huge I do not have a switch yet. But it is it is on my wish list right now if any of the fans would like to buy that for me, like a big old Xena and X Files box set like that. This is how I'm living, loving nerdery and porn I see nothing wrong with this lifestyle.
Unknown Speaker 44:46 Oh, it's not like most of our audience isn't turned on by that thought. Everyone who wasn't already maxed out on places they were subscribing to for their porn. They're like all right clicking worser website. I need it. Now.
Riley Reyes 44:56 I'll be launching my own only fans. here very soon, if they follow me on social media, they'll be able to catch that launch. I'm currently stacking up a bunch of fun content for him. But yeah, they can hang out and see my nerdy self in action. Cuz like, I've got a ton of video games and tabletop games, and I spent the rest of my spare time doing besides activism is martial arts. So it's just gonna be a ton of like, jujitsu shit, nerdy shit and then just like me being a pervert, that's the whole
Unknown Speaker 45:25 Jiu Jitsu come super in handy though, because you don't have to be big and massive. You just need to, you need to leverage someone else's body against them. Exactly.
Riley Reyes 45:36 Sometimes, if someone's bigger, they're even easier to choke their necks just right there, isn't it? Just asking for it?
Unknown Speaker 45:43 Unless they have no neck. I have so many ways to choke people. Now. It's exciting. This is very true. Just little bitty pinch right on right on the sides. But if they have no neck, how
Riley Reyes 45:52 do you grab it? Exactly. I'm saying the bigger people with the bigger necks. I appreciate them.
Yvette d'Entremont 45:56 Because I mean, normally you pinch the blood vessels, just push them further out.
Riley Reyes 46:00 A lot of the things that I do in jujitsu, I'm often using people's collars or using my forearm to kind of, it's a visual gag. But there's a lot of different ways that you can choke someone, not necessarily just using your hands like your hands and your arms and your forearms and sometimes their arm and your leg and it's a whole, there's a lot of ways,
Unknown Speaker 46:18 no to self sign up for jujitsu, it's pretty
Riley Reyes 46:21 sexy, we roll around and get sweaty and try to choke each other. I'm into it on a fetish level. And it's also super nerdy, because it's a strategy game that you play with your body. One of my friends says, it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube that's trying to solve you at the same time.
Unknown Speaker 46:36 I love that comparison. This is not in any way making me not want to sign up for Jiu Jitsu lessons.
Riley Reyes 46:44 Yeah, that's a thing I want to do now. It is one of the nerdiest martial arts, perhaps the nerdiest. There's just something about the fact that is like legitimate people who enjoy physics puzzles using the body, like Oh, so if you move the fulcrum a little bit closer, you could break somebody's arm like this. That's why you tap.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:02 Oh man,
Alice Vaughn 47:03 so I did jujitsu years ago for a short period of time and because I kind of double jointed a little bit of when they tried tapping me out there were a lot of times he just couldn't do it. Interesting.
Riley Reyes 47:15 Yeah. curious what submissions would work on you while you're definitely still trackable?
Alice Vaughn 47:19 Oh, very charitable. Sorry, audience now you guys all know.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:26 There are a couple different ways you can choke someone. A lot of times people who don't know we'll go for the front of the throat because they think cut off the airway. There are a couple different spots. You can pinch on the side of the neck that grab the blood vessels that stop ER and you'll get a few seconds of being feeling a little high from being oxygen deprived, but you have to like please don't learn how to choke for me describing it please look this up, go to a class. Have somebody teach it to you, but yeah, like, don't go for the windpipe.
Riley Reyes 47:50 Yeah, definitely even at home for sexy times. Just avoid the wind pipe. That's an amateur move right there. If you're crushing and hurting my windpipe that's not even good. To get you the good effects from the choking, like the good sexy effects from the choking people want or the feeling of the hand on the neck and the lightheadedness you get from like losing the blood to the brain. But you have to be very careful with that and very communicative and do Please do your research. You don't want people to pass out it could cause brain damage, right? You don't want to cause your partner brain damage. That's not nice.
Unknown Speaker 48:19 I mean, depends on the I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Unknown Speaker 48:22 Why are you having sex with
Unknown Speaker 48:24 them if you want to give them brain This is why it was a joke with no meaning whatsoever. There you go.
Alice Vaughn 48:29 So speaking of safety tips during sex, so obviously there's a number of people who will look at porn stars and say I want to fuck like a porn star. I'm sure a fair amount do a lot of rookie mistakes. What are some fun maybe sex tips that you can give to our listeners at home of do's antidotes aside from don't break your partner's neck?
Riley Reyes 48:51 Well, I literally also teach classes at sex toy stores and swinger events and dungeons on how to fuck like a porn star. Most Popular classes being oral, like a porn star and Anna, like a porn star, one of my most popular classes, my angel, that's the question I received the most. So I'm going to talk a bit about that. I feel like part of the problem with angel is that it's shown a lot in porn. But we show nothing of the warmth that leads to it. Maybe it'll show something with a toy or some fingers. But we don't really show a realistic warm up. Usually someone has warmed up, offset, and like I said, for the dread seen, if you're getting to bigger sizes, you weren't at home for weeks leading up to it and people just don't know, the training required to do the physical feats that we do. So what I suggest to people for anal, it's not just about lube and going slow. It's about training your body to take bigger sizes. My biggest piece of advice is to masturbate, mainly using toys starting from small and working your way up, and really give yourself orgasms or something in there. So you get to know your body and get to know what you do and don't like That way, it's not just a favor you're doing for some guy. It's a way that you can experience pleasure and get to know your own body and own your pleasure. I think that's really important. And otherwise, I say, pain free angel is the goal. A lot of people think you should grin and bear it and wince to the pain, you'll get to the good. And plenty of people get drunk on tequila and do that. And they have a fine enough time. I did that for a while. But I realized that if you warm up and stretch and take your time, use your toys, use your lube, and get your body to where it can stretch. It's just like yoga, you stretch to the point of discomfort, not the point of pain, and you stay right there at the point of discomfort and breathe into it until you're ready to go deeper. And it should be the same way with anal sex. I don't see why people are so unkind to their poor buttholes when they treat their other muscles with more respect,
Unknown Speaker 50:53 please forgive the buttholes people. Yeah, guys.
Unknown Speaker 50:56 It's a delicate area.
Alice Vaughn 50:58 It feels like we should come out with Like wristbands I mean they had that for what was it testicular cancer at some point the yellow wristbands should have butthole wristbands they'll be brown.
Riley Reyes 51:08 You know, wellness awareness
Yvette d'Entremont 51:10 will also have pink ones for people who are in favor of bleached households which whatever whatever works for your asshole we support its health and safety and pleasure.
Riley Reyes 51:18 I feel like instead of save the whales, we should have T shirts have saved the anus. really forget who it was. I saw speaking I think it was Jessica Drake who was up on a stage making the audience stay with her. No more Oops, wrong whole whole mica. Because it's like that's not an acceptable way to try to negotiate to get anal.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:38 Nobody doesn't know they're sticking it in there. Or at least I don't think that's the thing you can do. If you've ever felt the warmth of one and the other you don't go Oh, I couldn't tell what. No,
Riley Reyes 51:51 I've had some clumsy things where they almost started to but honestly it's tight enough spot that like you notice pretty quickly like
Yvette d'Entremont 52:00 It's not like all of a sudden this vagina got to the point where you have to like shove it in like that's not a thing
Unknown Speaker 52:06 like why is there suddenly that this resistance? It's because it's a different hole, bro.
Yvette d'Entremont 52:11 Yeah, this one's got muscular tension man.
Riley Reyes 52:13 I really think it's weird that there are so many guys who want to put things in and girls and wouldn't even be willing to put a finger in their own to see what they're doing and they have prostate, prostate, the thing is in BDSM, a proper top who's shopping for a crop or a cane or a Flogger will test it on their own forearm before bringing it home to use on their sub. That way they know what they're doing, even though they don't enjoy pain. And I always tell the guys who are in the couples who come to my angel class like, hey, even if you know penetration isn't your thing that you want to feel. You should at least put a finger in yourself sometimes so you know what you're doing.
Yvette d'Entremont 52:52 Yeah, feel what it feels like to work up to it feel like just so you know, even something small like a finger or a really small bump. Plug with if not properly worked up to, I've just shoved in there is gonna hurt and I don't think that people who haven't tried it or just want it and have no conception that somebody could do that to them. That's not a thing they consider when being like no I can just shove this in. I saw it in the porn. That's one of the biggest pieces of psychoeducation I want to get out there is like it takes time not just the day of but often like weeks or months leading up to trying it and that it should be something in which you know your body it's about pleasure, not about pain and sort of sacrificing for someone else that's not sexy. So guys just patience and work and YouTube and have fuckin kick ass but sex
Riley Reyes 53:41 you can. I believe in you.
Alice Vaughn 53:43 We need motivational posters for the show. This is a second time I'm requesting them so if you want a motivational poster, please email us at info at two girls one Mike calm. We believe in you and maybe with an anal scene. Oh my gosh.
Yvette d'Entremont 53:56 I want like just a picture of the mountains in the background with the phrase use more lube, wash your junk. Just all of our little things that we use in the show all the time. I just want to wash your junk one.
Riley Reyes 54:09 I like the idea of one that says I believe in you that's just like a black gloved fist.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:17 Oh my god. Yeah, I think that's the thing we should start selling on our website.
Alice Vaughn 54:21 All we need are two of you to write in. That's it, too. And we'll make it I'll make it I have time. Actually, I don't have time, but I'll figure it out.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:29 she'll send it to me and be like Yvette, you need to make this happen. There'll be a division of labor
Alice Vaughn 54:34 will end up going to the EU next year. And we'll start just handing out different campaign posters. There'll be safety posters, the do's and don'ts.
Riley Reyes 54:45 I mean, people have so much that they need to know and people get so many ideas about sexuality from porn. And it's unfortunate that there isn't a more open sexual dialogue or better sex education in our culture because to get your sex Education solely from porn is like, trying to learn to drive from watching Fast and Furious or trying to learn from to fight from watching WWE. It's just not what you do. It's for entertainment. It's for titillation, and it's fun. But if that's the only information you're getting, you have a serious gap in your education.
Unknown Speaker 55:19 So listeners of the show know that one of the ways that I learned my sex education was through Cosmo, the magazine. Yeah, yeah, I see your faces on common.
Unknown Speaker 55:31 Yeah, it happened to me too. And it took like my 20s to undo all of that damage.
Unknown Speaker 55:35 Oh, it did put a doughnut on your man's dick. No, do not do that.
Unknown Speaker 55:40 Oh, I used to shoelace on a guy's dick because Cosmo said it would spice things up. Oh, I need to
Yvette d'Entremont 55:47 know how this how this worked out. What did you do with the shoelace to the deck
Alice Vaughn 55:51 wraps it around the deck kind of Indian burned him? It's not my fault. It's
Yvette d'Entremont 55:57 Cosmo. What the fuck
Riley Reyes 55:59 you Use a shoelace for like, almost like cotton balls bondage in which you could like sort of go with like a figure rate around the balls and you could create that like constriction, so it'd be like a caulk ring, and sort of simulation, but it's a little dummy. And it requires skills. And you'd have to do some research there.
Alice Vaughn 56:19 Oh, no, this was set like 18 year old Alice had no idea what she was doing. Got all her sex ed and not from Catholic school, but from cosmopolitan. So
Yvette d'Entremont 56:30 there we go. I've had also ice cubes I've used on men. Don't do that. I think I dated a guy who used Cosmo for his sex tips because he got the impression that ice cubes in there was a delightful experience. And I was tied up at the time. I'm sitting here going this is not the worst thing that I've had. It's been a pleasure. Fine. I'm a little bit of a of a masochist, to play into someone's sadistic tendencies, but at the same time, I'm like, Who told someone this is gonna be a good time?
Riley Reyes 56:59 Yeah, ice really is More of a thing that you can use for torture unless you temper it a bit like you can hold it in your mouth and like run it gently over someone switch a little bit cooling or you can hold it in your hand and just drip the cool water if you want to be sensual but again, these are all these are all skills that require finesse.
Yvette d'Entremont 57:15 This person filled a condom with water and froze it.
Unknown Speaker 57:20 Oh god. Oh yeah, that is kinky in a painful way.
Yvette d'Entremont 57:25 Yeah, like if it's for the record not thing I I found out that was not a thing I was into it I feel like like and I just don't like the cold anyway, so why would I like it directly on my lady parts. So that's also more sexual adventures you have the more things you find out you're into or not into
Alice Vaughn 57:42 think I just read the article of how to use items in your kitchen junk drawer during sexual roleplay one on one spatulas SATs amazed spatulas I have a femme Dom clip that's kinda like that, in which I have them do terrible, torturous things to themselves with things they might find in a case. And drunk door set the whole point is that I'm torturing them. So
Yvette d'Entremont 58:04 I taught a class once on Home Depot in the bedroom genius was just how to you know, improvise with everything in there and like no matter what you walk in there and there have to be at least like three aisles that you're like, there are toys, I could do something with this and it's now if people haven't thought about this when they walked into Home Depot every time they're gonna walk by the ropes and the change and every other thing they're going to be like,
Alice Vaughn 58:25 Are you kidding me? Just go to doorknobs those are all book plugs.
Yvette d'Entremont 58:29 How would I not thought of this? I'm slipping.
Riley Reyes 58:32 I'm a big fan of the pet store in the bedroom like PetSmart as a sex toy store that's just got so much weird like stuff with collars that are fantastic. All these little toys I can like use this gags and stuff like all these various like choke chains and, and things and, and then vet wrap that wrap is amazing for bondage. You do have to go get yourself some medical shears for removal. But it's so easy to get the bondage tapes cheap proven bondage tape. Yeah, it's like bondage tape. I don't know if it's more or less expensive, but it adheres to itself really well. It's stretchy, unlike bondage tape because it's designed to be a badge, right? It sticks to itself really well. You can use it to completely wrap someone frog their legs and arms if you like, use it for impromptu cuffs. It's amazing. You just need to get yourself some like medical safety shears to take it off. But it is my favorite bondage implement of all time.
Alice Vaughn 59:28 So now I'm picturing a squeaky toy being used for anal I would do that. I pay for it.
Unknown Speaker 59:36 I'm also picturing it being used to like for puppy play because some people are into being treated like a dog. And that's the other thing is I like puppy play stuff. So I've got an assortment of pet things. Are there masks too. I don't
Riley Reyes 59:48 have the full mask. I do have the rubber butt plug tail, which I like.
Yvette d'Entremont 59:53 That's fun. I am indeed a fan of butt plugs with tails on them. I accept your judgment people.
Alice Vaughn 59:58 Yeah, well, a lot of nerds. Like that. So what you guys are saying is you can role play as the squirrel eating the taco shell.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:09 And we can put you in a tree with the green screen. So this is all looping back together for this scene we're eventually going to create together.
Riley Reyes 1:00:17 And then that squirrel tail would become my Horcrux.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:21 Yep, yeah, we've tied it all together. We're geniuses. I think the show is wrapped up. It has a bow on it. We planned this everyone. Yeah, we were that on top of our ship this week that we weren't.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:32 I am never that on top of my shit. alysus though, God. So Riley, where can our listeners find more of you?
Riley Reyes 1:00:41 If you want to find me on Twitter? It's at Riley rea triple x that's ri le y r e y x x x. Or you can buy my femme Dom clips. I want Riley Reyes calm. And if you keep track of me on social media, you can find out about my upcoming projects in both my education and in terms of my subscription,
Alice Vaughn 1:01:05 sexy stuff. Awesome and we'll link to all of that in the show notes. By the way, we do have some fantastic patrons to think this week because they did send you a fantastic mic so we got some great quality audio thank you this week we want to thank Brent hola shake Hamilton McDermott Eris night, Graham Smallwood, Amanda and Bob Cole, john wingle, Kyle, Washington priest, pilot, Sam Montana, Megan Hall, and so many others. And if you want to become a patron yourself and by the way, we have at least 1313 episodes that you guys can listen to as patrons that our Patreon only exclusive content just go to patreon.com slash two
Unknown Speaker 1:01:46 girls one Mike and y'all think I'm weird here it gets way weirder on Patreon.
Alice Vaughn 1:01:50 Yeah, we we talk about stuff stuff that we let tales
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:54 out of school, spill the tea, the tea at all. It all comes down to the counter in there.
Alice Vaughn 1:02:00 So and you can also find all of that add to URLs on mike.com By the way, event where can our fantastic listeners find you? Y'all
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:07 can find me over at the side babe on Twitter and Instagram and facebook.com slash Sai babe and of course eBay comm where I deliver up science and a heaping boatload of snark,
Alice Vaughn 1:02:17 Alice, where can everybody find you? Well, they could find me over at Twitter at rational blonde, but of course, weekly on this podcast. By the way, if you can't become a Patreon, that's fine, guys, leave us a comment. Share the podcast to all of your friends. We'd love seeing what you say about us. Good batter views bring us so much joy. We mostly just care about the good ones. Fuck you. If you give us a one star. No, I'm kidding. So please don't do that.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:45 Please don't.
Alice Vaughn 1:02:47 But guys, we do appreciate your support and we can't wait to see you
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:51 again next week. Bye bye bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
29 Oct 2020
#111-Church & State
01:03:51
Alice & Yvette are joined by Minister and former Executive Director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, Barry Lynn (@barrywlynn). The trio discuss the Miller Test, Mise Pornography commission, Vatican dicks in a box, buddy booths, hotels mirrors, Section 230, an argue if Obama is a closet atheist.
Alice & Yvette sit down this week to review a film from the Golden Age of Porn--The Devil In Miss Jones. The ladies discuss guilty pleasures, mockbusters, bacterial vaginosis, snakes, CHAZ, and jingles.
A group of intergalactic criminals must pull together to stop Bonan from getting the Infinity Bone! Comedian Bri Pruett (@bripruett) joins Alice Vaughn (@RationalBlonde) & Natalia Reagan (@natalia13reagan) for unnecessary movie facts, asking who the word "gnard" is for, Pauly Shore, prison cavity searches, wooden dildos, and much more.
Unknown Speaker 0:04 the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 0:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mike the podcast or if you say these three words, eight letters were yours. Natalia, do you know what phrase that is? Oh god, no, I love you know,
Natalia Reagan 0:20 it's I am Groot. Mm hmm. I was a big fan of I am growing. That was a highlight of the film for me personally,
Alice Vaughn 0:29 if you confidently walk into a room and say I am crying, I guess I'm also yours.
Natalia Reagan 0:34 It kind of is my mating call. These days. It's not necessarily picking up the right shooters, but you know, sometimes you got to do it. You got to do
Alice Vaughn 0:41 guys, I'm Alice Vaughn, your co host, and of course because events on medical leave, we have Natalia Regan filling in now we have Natalia Reagan filling in one day, I'm gonna get your name right
Natalia Reagan 0:52 Just think of a ray gun. Just think of a gun that shoots raise, or Ronald, but I hate to bring him up into this.
Alice Vaughn 0:59 Right there. Any other Reagan's
Natalia Reagan 1:01 my family. But
unfortunately Ronnie and his son and Nancy and Nancy didn't do much for the whole her whole war on drugs, man. And pornography by the way.
Alice Vaughn 1:13 Look, I know you're probably not related, but if you could get Nancy Reagan so we could discuss the war on drugs. Oh, do not show she
Natalia Reagan 1:21 I should know this. I guess she is so I've Oh, wow, maybe, huh. Well, we'll see. I don't know. I can use that Reagan to my advantage. Some leverage. Somewhere back in court County. Some there's some sort of linkage. You never know. related to
Alice Vaughn 1:34 Bri. Do you have any interesting people you're related to?
Bre Pruitt 1:37 Actually my grandmother survived Pearl Harbor. Oh, very exciting.
Alice Vaughn 1:41 Probably not at the time.
Bre Pruitt 1:42 Yeah. You know, when you just survive something. You're not famous afterward? Yeah. Was
Natalia Reagan 1:48 she in so I take it she was in Hawaii. Was she working with military or?
Bre Pruitt 1:52 No, she lives there.
Natalia Reagan 1:54 She does. Okay, she wants something.
Bre Pruitt 1:58 Yeah, that's something so keep Dream and everybody
Alice Vaughn 2:01 so on the show we have Brie Pruitt to help review nardin's of the galaxy with us
Natalia Reagan 2:07 a real classic honestly
Alice Vaughn 2:08 pretty How did you feel about reviewing porn? Have you reviewed porn before? I have
Bre Pruitt 2:12 reviewed porn before you guys had my friend Alex Cohn on the show previously and outspoken hosts a podcast called read it and weep and he made me watch made me That sounds very
Unknown Speaker 2:23 funny too.
Bre Pruitt 2:25 So let's revise that he is he is a white man. So let's change that. He's one of the good ones. So let's let's change that revise that I elected to join his podcast to review. I believe it was a Star Wars porn, which I'm sure you all have seen because that's your bread and butter, so to speak. It was fine when I am watching porn that I like. I have extremely specific critiques. But I think that whoever nardin's the galaxy is for it is not me. And my criticism like it hasn't Nothing to do with my sexuality. So that is very easy to watch. And because there's no sexuality to me at all about it. I mean is that if you guys feel that way, there's no danger of me being turned on when watching this movie at all at all.
Natalia Reagan 3:14 That's me know, I feel the same with a lot of porn parodies the Star Wars one I remember it. I don't know if you saw the one with a very scintillating Chewbacca Wookie threesome. There's got to be more than just one.
Bre Pruitt 3:28 I guess what I will say I'm a comedian by my job, and I am a sexual human. With that, like comedy and sexuality. There's no overlap for me at all. Do you all feel the same way? You've watched a lot of porn parody.
Alice Vaughn 3:43 It's very rare nowadays when I'm watching a porn parody that I get turned on just because for me, it's become my job. So I just compartmentalize what I'm actually into, into a very different segment that doesn't involve Normally bits happening before and or during the boning. Who is this for the fans of what have sex or a galaxy? Guardians of the Galaxy? Okay. Okay, that's what the parodies are normally made for. It's for the super fans. I see.
Natalia Reagan 4:22 I want to take it to the next level.
Bre Pruitt 4:24 Okay, so I have a lot of friends who are in the erotic fan fiction universe. This is sort of erotic fan fiction come to life in a lot of ways.
Alice Vaughn 4:32 I hadn't considered it that way. But yes,
Bre Pruitt 4:34 I have a friend who's very into supernatural. Have you ever heard of supernatural
Unknown Speaker 4:39 the TV show?
Natalia Reagan 4:40 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have a friend that I believe is on that show.
Bre Pruitt 4:44 Really? Okay. So yeah, you may know that they are so into fan culture on that show that they have cons all the time, like every other weekend that the cast comes and talks to people and the erotic fan fiction is like very celebrated in this community. To be, and I just didn't like, I guess, nerds gotta come to but, you know, I, the the comedy of it all it takes me right out of it.
Natalia Reagan 5:12 I'm a big laughter during sex I like laughing Yeah, I mean, well, you know, I don't want it to be like the Benny Hill show but I definitely wanted
you know, like it's like split the diff between you know, Fabio and cuz I used to write and I've talked about this on the show before when I was a little girl I was very into skinemax and softcore porn as a child like I was just Okay, so I started writing and my mom had the clan of the cave Bear Bear book. So I started writing my own and my mom busted me multiple times. And the big threat was I'm going to tell your father and years later I told my dad and he's like, That's hilarious. Like he loved it. But I hadn't been Of course at that age, he probably would have flipped out but, you know, I was always obsessed and I'd like adding some humor to it like, you know, I would write them for my Friends so friend, like, you know, someone will get a crush on somebody I was like, and they liked horseback riding so I did have a whole series of them having sex whilst riding a horse, you know, like real ridiculous stuff, but I do agree like, for instance and I know we're gonna jump in the film in a minute but like when growing got shrunk to a small growing and I believe is it April Amelie? Who's playing
Alice Vaughn 6:22 rocket? raccoon? Yeah,
Natalia Reagan 6:24 I met her once at Burning Man, like a delightful human. I mostly recognized her boobs.
Unknown Speaker 6:31 Which are
Alice Vaughn 6:32 fantastic. That says something if you could recognize an individual specifically by their boobs. Yes.
Bre Pruitt 6:38 It says something about both about the individual and you. I mean, I think
Natalia Reagan 6:42 yeah, it kind of it kind of does not gonna lie. I once actually was in a supermarket. I heard behind me I'd recognize that as anywhere and I turned around it was my friend and he recognized me from because I was wearing like bike shorts or something. Yes, I was like, that's not thank goodness. I was alone. I wasn't with like, you know, a partner. Somebody yeah April Neal plays you know rocket the character when she starts having her way with the new and improved shrug monitor has improved. He's so small, but I was kinda like, what, what, what, why is this hat? What? How did this okay and then there was nothing sexy about it I couldn't really get into it and sometimes I do watch the actual porn scenes when I do this because you know, we really focus on the plot because that's so important. But that one I had a hard time getting excited about, you know, and I was really afraid I wanted a reference to that one.
Alice Vaughn 7:32 By the way, it's interesting that you mentioned supernatural because I a few years ago for Halloween when I said Leviathan and do you guys know what a Leviathan from supernaturalists No, no. Okay, this is a fun one. So it's basically a face where the entire ring of where my face would be. It's just teeth.
Natalia Reagan 7:51 Oh, I think oh, or I think I've seen you do that. That's Yeah, that was what that was.
Alice Vaughn 7:56 So can you let me know where these erotic Fan things are going on because that in a porn I'm saying and are fanfiction then again, what is called vid vagina? dentata?
Yeah, it's kind of taken to an extreme
Natalia Reagan 8:12 high, not all the dentata that's a face you would not like to form a cape with or would I don't know what your kinks are. I'm not gonna judge. That's, that's up to you.
Alice Vaughn 8:22 Okay, so, Bree, how do we describe this film for if someone's never seen Guardians of the Galaxy, the film?
Bre Pruitt 8:29 Yeah, I think you know, it's a comic book film. It's an entourage. It's a band of misfits. The porn parody did a great job of setting up which is the first act of the the Guardians of the Galaxy, which is all the Misfits go to jail together, and then they rely on each other to break out of jail together. And that's how they figure out Oh, we're all well matched. And we're a good band and we should be Guardians of the Galaxy. I think the film success is all about Chris Pratt. I think it's all about the charm of its lead. I think Chris Pratt, is he I unfortunately have some problematic Christian politics but besides that he's kind of our Tom Hanks Tom Cruise right now, millennial wise,
Alice Vaughn 9:07 you know, they almost didn't choose Chris Pratt, truly Tell me about that. Apparently he was a shoo in, but the person who was closest to taking the role, you guys know Glenn Howerton, the guy who plays Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny.
Unknown Speaker 9:19 Damn, that would have been a totally different movie. Oh, yeah, I know.
Alice Vaughn 9:23 How do we turn a five star man? It's a Star Lord.
Bre Pruitt 9:27 Glenn Howerton, it would have been like more funny and like caustic and he would have been less likable is the thing Peter Quill is like a very likeable hero character, you know cuz his mom died and that's his whole deal.
Natalia Reagan 9:43 sympathetic character.
Alice Vaughn 9:44 Instead, we would have had the implication in space. The implication sorry, is
Bre Pruitt 9:49 that I get it. Yeah, it's I'm sorry. I know. That's a pretty deep well, so for the outro.
Alice Vaughn 9:56 So yeah, maybe we should start from the very beginning of this. So by the way, it's not a surprise that they, you know, someone had parody and someone in this case was would rock it ended up parenting Guardians of the Galaxy. Because I think when it was launched, it was the first non Avengers Marvel film to be developed by Walt Disney and it. I think domestically gross like $300 million. Really? So
Natalia Reagan 10:22 a lot. Yeah, I did not see it in the show in theaters, though, but that doesn't say much because I am kind of lame these days, and I watch everything on planes, which is not the way they should be viewed. This is
Bre Pruitt 10:33 what I always watch on a plane. This is a movie I watch over and over again. I really like it a lot. Okay, I'm a basketball fan. You know, when you put like a really good player in England, kind of a less appreciated role. That's what you got with Guardians of the Galaxy. You got Bradley Cooper coming in clutch plan, a weird director role. You know, you got Vin Diesel as Groot that's maybe he just says grit the whole time. But there's a lot behind there. You know, it's a lot of subtext. It's a lot of soul. A lot of soul in those It's it's a dope series I enjoyed even the like dumb, you know, Flintstones Jetsons crossover in the New Avengers movie where quill meets Tony Stark and I love it. I love the mashups of the of the whole Marvel Universe. I mean, I'm like, It pains me to say because as I am like, I add a film degree I like independent and foreign films. And also I will watch any of these fucking Marvel films that they make. Because, you know, we gotta we gotta have a good time in these in these trying times.
Natalia Reagan 11:28 Oh, absolutely. There's a little bit I mean, I feel like during most four times, that's usually when the movies sort of explode and have the best years is because people need that escapism and I wouldn't obviously liken this to World War Two, but it's our version.
Bre Pruitt 11:44 With what we've got right now it is it's about as bad as we've experienced are certain terms of just what the fuck every day, a friend of mine was doing, like testing for like figuring out what kids like to watch on TV these days. And this kid at this test was like, Oh, I watched the show. You've probably never heard of it. It's called Brady Bunch. And I love the Brady Bunch was specifically made to distract people from the Vietnam War. You know, all that shitty television of the 60s and 70s was just to like, keep everybody placated. And that's really what we're I think we're getting back to I mean, the fall lineup is good though. I will say I'm watching a lot of TV right now like just to see what they're making for you know, to unite A divided America. And it's very interesting. Wow, we got off topic. What
Natalia Reagan 12:29 were we talking about? grind? Yeah, it's okay. This is a show about tangent. Is there a Brady Bunch porn parody? Alice? Yes. I found out No.
Alice Vaughn 12:40 Aha, we're so gonna watch it. We're so gonna watch it too.
Bre Pruitt 12:45 I mean, we all know that Florence Henderson was a dirty birds. My dad has told me stories they should make the porn parody should just be behind the scenes right cameras off
Natalia Reagan 12:55 REG and mom and oh my god. Oh my underwear. Oh, Purple Jesus, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. And then the music starts playing and in January Oh God.
Bre Pruitt 13:06 Oh, wow. They just sold that house. Really? You know who's gonna buy the house? Okay, I'm about to blow your minds. I can't believe I can pull this fact out Gary
Unknown Speaker 13:15 Busey. That's, you
Bre Pruitt 13:16 know what close. Lance Bass was about to buy that house.
And he was gonna buy it and like, like, remodel it into something and use the profits for something else, but it's something fell through with the deal. Listen, it's crazy that I know this kind of stuff. But it's only because I write monologue jokes for TV shows sometimes. Awesome. Yeah, but you know, maybe somebody could persuade Lance to shoot something there you know, I'm saying
Natalia Reagan 13:40 the new insane you know, reboot video. They can totally do a Brady Bunch video montage, you know?
Bre Pruitt 13:47 Oh, sure. I mean, I don't think in sync is getting together for that. But I was thinking, I don't know anything. They could film anything there.
Natalia Reagan 13:52 You could reboot the whole Well, I don't I'm not up for reboots anymore. I'm so tired of them. But that would be a reboot that would probably do well.
Bre Pruitt 13:59 Oh, great. Brady Bunch reboot. Kids are in jail.
Alice Vaughn 14:02 Some of them are drug addicts. I know it's mostly Marsha's definitely on drugs, she's definitely on something just doctor pills. Yeah. pills, or J. So nardin's Nardi, and so I mean, technically all the nardin's don't have nards. So I mean, I guess that you know, we could go with Guardians of the Galaxy, I
Natalia Reagan 14:22 mean, nords or nads are short for gonads which males and females both I'm a scientist, so males and females actually both have gonads, but ours are just on the inside. Right? I stand corrected. Sorry. Sorry.
Unknown Speaker 14:35 No, we care about science. We care about science here. So as
Bre Pruitt 14:39 far as titles go, I give this about a six out of 10 y'all agree? You know, Alice, you're the expert. What do you think?
Alice Vaughn 14:50 No, I think it's good. You know, I mean, they did make fun of the title in the part two, which I decided to watch for shits and giggles where they said that the other options Guardians of the Galaxy as well as guardians of the galaxy, except spelled with triple x.
Unknown Speaker 15:05 So yeah, you know what,
Alice Vaughn 15:06 I definitely prefer this as opposed to nine times out of 10, where we get Guardians of the Galaxy, and then it's triple x, or not the Guardians of the Galaxy, which let's be honest, it's just for SEO purposes, not your
Unknown Speaker 15:20 mother's
Natalia Reagan 15:23 or your mother's Guardians of the Galaxy, depending on who your mom is,
Bre Pruitt 15:27 I think nardin's of the galaxy really sets you up for what you're going to see. You know, I just figured it out. The film has been made for guys who use the word nards. That's not me. That's not anybody I know. You know, but that's who it's for for sure. And so great naming would rock it. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 15:46 I mean, that's a very slim audience to I don't know anyone who uses nards. But then again, I we are coastal elitists, I assume so you know, you being in LA and yeah, I
Bre Pruitt 15:56 think nards is a very California word actually. And I think It was heavy in the 90s. And it's faded in use, but I think it was like it was peak usage like in the Pauly Shore, row universe. Those guys are in their mid 40s now, and that's who this film is for. It's The Big Lebowski is of the 90s who used the word nards in mixed company written nerds. Yeah, they got fired from their job at a bank for using the word nards because they thought it was a word that was okay to use, but then somebody was really, actually Nathan it's 2019 you can't tell somebody to open a checking account because it's nards sick that's not nerd sick but I don't know how to use the word obviously it's not for me it's not my word. Not going to appropriate that from them. Yeah, no, I feel
Natalia Reagan 16:50 like I mean, should we try to resurrect it? Is it is this time is this show? Should we go let them help please? Okay,
Alice Vaughn 16:56 let 40 year olds have something. Let them hey, they're not That's easy Mac.
Bre Pruitt 17:01 No, no, not you. I mean, these guys that didn't grow up, you know, that are still in their culture from the 90s from the early 90s Oh my god.
Natalia Reagan 17:11 Yeah. Pauly Shore was a thing, Polly. I still don't understand why Pauly Shore was a thing
Bre Pruitt 17:17 because his mom was famous and paid for all that shit.
Natalia Reagan 17:19 Yeah. Who's this mom? His mom runs the Comedy Store. Oh,
Bre Pruitt 17:23 yeah. She's a really important figure in the stand up scene and like the 70s. And he was kind of, but he did hit on something, right. I mean, it was a popular moment for him. The weasel. weasel? His mom, I think recently passed away too. But yeah, she was responsible for a lot of stand ups that came up in the 70s 80s 90s including her son. You know what I for sure bet Pauly Shore has watched Guardians of the Galaxy. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
Natalia Reagan 17:51 I think that's a pretty fair bet. I wonder if there's
a porn parody of an unseen Oh man. That's a great idea.
Alice Vaughn 17:57 Pauly Shore if you're listening to this, email us info to girls one Mike
Bre Pruitt 18:00 Paul, if you're a fan of the podcast get in touch. You should just be on
Natalia Reagan 18:05 the podcast.
Bre Pruitt 18:07 Yeah. Has he done any porn? It seems like he has right.
Natalia Reagan 18:11 I feel like he would it was screeched that did the porn right it was it was Dustin diamond. Oh god What do
Bre Pruitt 18:17 you think would be more upset that you confuse to them Dustin diamond or Pauly Shore? I think Pauly Shore. I think you'd be shocked to be confused with Pauly Shore.
Natalia Reagan 18:27 He would be his nerves would be in knots. Yeah, there's a couple of those like be level actors that turned anyone into porn for a little bit. Yeah. And then came back out. I don't know if anyone went back to mainstream stuff. But Justin diamonds, if you're listening to the show,
Alice Vaughn 18:45 give a holler. What else are you doing?
Unknown Speaker 18:47 Yeah, right.
Alice Vaughn 18:49 So we've kind of started off with it's very Indiana Jones like where you have StarLord or star load in this instance, trying to swap what looks like Solid dildo surrounded by laser beams with something of equal weight, which, I mean Haven't we all been there i guess i mean
Bre Pruitt 19:07 if I hadn't done I mean the feedback loop of Indiana Jones to Guardians of the Galaxy to narnians of the galaxy like what a journey you know, so many layers it's a roller coaster. A lot of reading to do.
Natalia Reagan 19:23 I definitely appreciated rocket being a female because Allison I when we first decided that we were going to when she told me that she wanted to do nardin's of the galaxy, my first thought being a scientist is most mammals have a baculum, which is a penis bone. The penis bone of the raccoon, the baculum is often called a mountain man toothpick because they're pretty thin. And they can even whittle them down and using like a toothpick. Yeah, so I remember thinking, Oh, man, are they going to acknowledge or make reference to you generally they don't have that much science, but maybe they would to the rockets, you know? baculum but they didn't And it's a female with spectacular breasts, as we already noted, and yeah, so that was a way to avoid that conflict.
Alice Vaughn 20:07 So what's funny is now that you mentioned raccoon penises I just remembered that past guest of the show Steve gadlin that I will draw a cat for you guy from Shark Tank. He at one point was trying to give away 1000 raccoon penises.
Unknown Speaker 20:22 Like you do. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what?
Alice Vaughn 20:28 He was giving away 1000 raccoon penises?
Natalia Reagan 20:31 What? Why I've been gifted them before he found a supplier.
Bre Pruitt 20:36 This is like where the MC rib comes from right there. Just the market is rich with rakuen penises.
Alice Vaughn 20:42 It's like chicken feed. I mean, Americans don't eat chicken feet so you have to dispose them somewhere. So I guess rack.
Unknown Speaker 20:49 I wear mine around my neck.
Natalia Reagan 20:53 a necklace of chicken feet. It's delightful.
Bre Pruitt 20:56 I just want to back up a little bit and saying Italia. What a weird The world you live in that you heard you're gonna watch Guardians of the Galaxy porn and you thought, huh, what if they're gonna acknowledge the raccoon penis bone? Yes, this is this is how my head works. It's awesome. I mean, it's awesome that you know that it's awesome that you, you know, that's a thought that you get to have organically, you know, that would take me 5060 years to come up with a thought like that. But Wow, amazing.
Natalia Reagan 21:26 Well, now, through this teaching experience we've had, I'm also a professor, that's another job that I have. I know, very strange life. But now with sharing this knowledge, you will have that thought in the future. Oh, because certainly most mammals most I mean, I even thought when we watched the Star Wars one, I thought, well, Chewbacca has a sex scene and he's a Wookie. Is he more like a great ape? I hosted a Bigfoot show years ago. So I also got asked a lot of questions. What would Bigfoot swing look like? And I always said, Well, he's like a human humans have the largest penis to body size of the primates, of the non human body. primates, gorillas if you think you know, a Wookie is more like a gorilla or an orangutan, they have very small dogs. So King Kong is no king Dong. They actually are on like a baby carrot. They're like an inch and a half average size penis for a 400 pound gorilla. So these are the things that cross my mind. Sometimes when I'm laying awake at night, thinking about the next porn parody I'm gonna watch
Bre Pruitt 22:25 so going back to the porn, and just wanted to say that I think Chewbacca has a really small penis, or he has a really large penis because he's kind of dumb, right? And so the blood isn't reaching his brain. Oh, it's all down there. Okay, that's what's happening or he is really smart. And then that means small Dong. Okay. You may continue with your podcast hosting Alice.
Unknown Speaker 22:48 No, I like this. We appreciate this. No, no,
Natalia Reagan 22:51 that these theories, you know, we need to discuss these otherwise, well, who else is going to
Bre Pruitt 22:56 happy to add to the rich texture of the podcast? So yes,
Natalia Reagan 22:59 Guardians of the
Alice Vaughn 23:00 Galaxy. So we have rocket recruit, as you mentioned, it's a female who has well, quite a few. I mean, 552 counts of public leg humping. And she's four months behind on a rabies vaccination. And to which then I was wondering, how often do you have to get rabies vaccinations for your pets? Currently depends could be like a booster shot once a year or two. There's others that are good, like every three years. But by the way, if you ever get rabies, I was reading about that. It's horrific. It's really crazy. Yeah, central nervous system shuts down, you go into a coma, you die in seven days. It is the least exciting version of the Reinke.
Natalia Reagan 23:40 Oh, no, I I tried to stay away from rabid animals. It's usually just how I do you know, see foaming at the mouth. awake during weird hours of the day. I remember seeing raccoons I went to Graceland a few months back and, you know, Raccoons are generally nocturnal and you won't see them too often. During the day as much as you know, foraging around at night and I saw that this one raccoon just running around during the day and I'm like, ooh, oh no, I'm gonna stay I'm gonna stay clear of that guy because I don't know, you know, not that I'm generally going up to strange raccoons during the evening as well, but I get curious trash pandas excite me.
Alice Vaughn 24:20 We also have Drax the Destroyer in this is cracks to destroyer. And he's extremely angered because they discontinued his favorite loop. So he's been on a sexual rampage and vengeance. gam hora who has two dozen counts of sexual rampage daughter earthiness. And I did appreciate you know, the sounds like build cars and then just stopped.
Bre Pruitt 24:45 So yeah, well, I thought that was really weird actually. Like we're gonna make a joke about this thing. It's not a so we're going to pretend like he like one character is like not allowing the other character maybe to make the jump but the films do made the job. Yeah, I don't know guys. What's the point?
Alice Vaughn 25:04 Yeah, you're right maybe Yeah, it was a thing. I mean,
Natalia Reagan 25:07 it's already a porn so I mean really is saying the next syllable that bad Is it really you know is it really crossing the line after we just watched a raccoon pleasure herself with a shrunk and growing?
Alice Vaughn 25:20 Well we'll get to that then we have grown actually growing is the personal sex aid slash muscle to rocket recruit and the universe's largest dildo and I'm a little disappointed myself because I didn't Google what is the world's largest dildo? So I'm sorry, we
Natalia Reagan 25:38 believe that is President Trump.
Bre Pruitt 25:40 I have to say that the problem with that is kind of subjective about what a dildo is. You know what I mean? Like a dildo is pretty much anything. Yeah. You know, like you could call the Washington Monument, the largest dildo you could call the Statue of Liberty. I mean, you wouldn't because the right wing media would run with That, but you could we were making comments about
Natalia Reagan 26:03 the size of your microphone earlier that could be
Bre Pruitt 26:07 Yeah, I can't say stuff like that. I'm a senator. Did you guys know that? So you're gonna really need to redact a lot of stuff out of this podcast. There's gonna be like the transcript will just be a black page.
I told you that ahead of time. I am a senator, I'm a sitting senator.
Natalia Reagan 26:23 You I mean, you are technically sitting so yeah, yes. No, that's a down senator. This is true.
Alice Vaughn 26:30 I mean, I'm sure they'll let us run all of these words as Facebook ad Yeah. You know, you know, your neck for your reelection campaign, but
Unknown Speaker 26:38 yeah, just fine.
Alice Vaughn 26:41 And then we had pecker quill, who we find out he sneaks into infinity bone into the prison, which what I did appreciate though is when they did the lineup seem they did it as accurately to the movie as possible, meaning everybody was in their own places. You had Star Lord Gamora rocket etc in the exact lineup, which was really cool. We're not cool, just accurate.
Bre Pruitt 27:08 Visually accurate visually. The thing is, the film directors know what they're doing, you know, they know what a dynamic visual picture looks like, you know, and it looks like all the characters have different heights standing in the perfect places. That's what a tableau is, you know, and if Todd Phillips or whoever the fuck directed that movie who directed the movie Alice? James Gunn Great. So James Gunn put his directorial eye on the lineup. You know if you are James, you know, pecker whoever. The of the remake? Yeah, you should start just making a shot by shot. I think that's the smart way to go. Don't reinvent the wheel. You know what I mean? Yeah, well,
Alice Vaughn 27:47 the Star Wars one was we talked about the accuracy of that particular film. I mean, they really they didn't even change the names for the most part, right. They kept them pretty which I thought There was some missed opportunities for some horrible puns. The Star Wars one was so shot by shot that they even skimmed over potential sexual puns just so they could recreate Star Wars was intense so going back to the porn what was interesting was pecker quill snuck the Infinity bone interest, but and then I started having questions about how much you could fit into your bot. Especially in prison. Have you guys ever thought about this?
Natalia Reagan 28:30 How much I've thought about a lot of weird things but
Bre Pruitt 28:33 I always assumed like an infinite amount of stuff can fit in here but I just didn't really think about it.
Alice Vaughn 28:37 I started kind of going on like a rabbit hole of Justin fruit but information after you know that joke about that he snuck it in through his butt. Because I thought to myself, I'm like, Okay, well, why can't they just do screenings like they do at the TSA to whether or not you know, someone has something in there but but then I realized apparently that a lot of these places I don't have the budget for things like that. Also, I mean, the rectum is you know, at the end of the large intestine the area just after colon and before the sphincter, and I was trying to figure out okay, well how big is it and some medical sites will say that the rectum is like six to eight inches long and 2.5 inches at its widest point. But it seems really misleading because I was reading because the tissue itself is super stretchy. So what I'm saying is I was reading about Dr. horror stories about what people were pulling out of their butts.
Bre Pruitt 29:30 Yeah, that's what I like. That's my understand. Yeah, is like pretty much anything can go in there. And you know, I've seen like, at least two dicks on screen before you know, so. Yeah, it's stretchy like the vagina
Unknown Speaker 29:42 like elastic pants. Whoo.
Alice Vaughn 29:44 Now, if you are a butt stretcher, fair warning with stretching the signals to deprecate will become weaker and could cause accidents and leakage so I guess Don't be too intense or just be safe or smart. I don't know you do. You do.
Bre Pruitt 30:00 It's my understanding you have to have a lot of non stretchy time downtime. Yeah, you take the elastic pants off so the elastic can rest.
Natalia Reagan 30:08 Huh? I got it. I got it. This is a good way of putting it. Yeah. Let your butt breathe. Yeah, let your butt breathe. I am letting my butt breathe right now guys just want to let you know there was nothing currently up. Am I taking a break? I thought it was time.
Bre Pruitt 30:24 That would be a great podcast that would be through podcasters are stretching their butt and the podcast is over when they need to stop.
Natalia Reagan 30:31 Yeah, you guys my buddy needs to take a breath. It really needs Where do you think those Gatorade bottles just and I did like the beginning the very beginning of the film. Packer is getting arrested while he's getting accosted by that woman in the beginning. And there's that joke about she's trying to say his name and I never thought I'd hear Julia Louis Dreyfus his name and a porn before it you know, was such a good joke. Glenn Danzig, that was something I didn't expect to hear it In a porn parody before so these are just things I like to note that good writing the dialogue at the top was good. Yeah, it was good. I laughed. I was and it was not like a pity laugh. It was like I legit laugh. But Glenn Danzig, I was like, what
Unknown Speaker 31:14 was good. Tina Fey,
Bre Pruitt 31:16 for those of you who haven't seen it, there was like a back and forth at the beginning of the film. And it was like a bunch of nonsense names came out. And yeah, it was like, Oh, this is a these are cultural references that I share with the writer of this movie Who would have thought, I also thought that was very funny. I also wondered if that scene was so sharp because of cuts if it was very good editing or good acting, and I suspect it was good editing.
Alice Vaughn 31:42 Props to the editor of the film
Bre Pruitt 31:44 editors are kings and queens, especially with comedy, you know, it's really got a pop. There's a rhythm to it. And the first scene that movie really, really got the comedy of it. That's when you knew what you were watching man.
Natalia Reagan 31:55 So are you saying that if you were to watch a porn where they tried to joke about It failed miserably because they can't act. Would you be more turned on? Because the comedy fails?
Bre Pruitt 32:05 No, nothing makes me softer than jokes that don't land.
Natalia Reagan 32:09 Yeah, so a flat joke is just a flat
Bre Pruitt 32:11 ass. Yeah, no one wants to fuck a comic who bombs, right. So yeah, they were really sharp off the top with dialogue. Yeah. And then I thought, Oh, dang, maybe the dialogue is gonna be good. And maybe I had to keep watching this.
Natalia Reagan 32:24 And I thought yeah, I thought picker. quill was like the actor playing Chris props role, but he did a great job. I thought I thought he was a very onpoint Chris Pratt want to be I mean, he had a he was likable but not too likable. He was sexy enough. I mean, I wasn't premium on panties, but I was definitely you know, I thought it was an attractive, good picker clothes.
Bre Pruitt 32:45 big shoes to fill. You know? Yeah, yeah. Chris Pratt is a straight up dreamboat and even like, the I think the toughest things for guys to get hot wise is like disheveled hot because it's so easy to slip into slob, especially Chris Pratt, who's a little on the donor side, you know, I mean, not for guardians of galaxy but previously and he's still hot a little bit, you know, like, thick and schlubby you know, but not a lot of men can can make that work you know, they haven't found out yet dad bought hot yeah the dadbod Yeah. So I think this guy did a fair job of bringing the likability in.
Alice Vaughn 33:24 I mean, I still would have watched Guardians of the Galaxy if they had Chris Pratt in the body of Andy Dwyer would have been fine. Yeah, keep the personality of Andy Dwyer too. I
Bre Pruitt 33:33 would have liked it more. I'll go yes with you. I'm a very I'm into thick I love fat people and I am dying to see a fat superhero and I heard that Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy Murthy are coming out with a Superman movie. I'm so excited.
Natalia Reagan 33:48 What Yeah, I saw pictures of it supposed to be you know pictures from on site and they look fantastic. I mean, the costumes three Captain Marvel s costumes are ready for it. Oh, yeah. But you
Bre Pruitt 34:00 I take Andy Dwyer bot any day.
Natalia Reagan 34:02 Yeah, I definitely prefer dadbod to ripped any day I've never I've never really been into shredded guys like nothing gets I just don't find a six pack well just a lot of time and energy that I feel like I don't know that's a lot of pressure that they're going to I feel like possibly put on me to be something as well and I'm just like I don't have that I don't like that at all but you know, especially guys that are very have sort of standards or think that their idea of beauty is in a box. My preference is something to hold on to always husband like to grab parts. If it's it's all hard. There's nothing wrong.
Bre Pruitt 34:38 Yeah, I think that this guy this nardin's guy was despite being lean and mean, brought some likability in there. And he delivered dialog really good, which was appreciated. I will be honest with you guys. I did not see his dick or his body at all. I did not watch those parts of the movie.
Alice Vaughn 34:54 We didn't ask you to to work.
Bre Pruitt 34:56 But yeah, I mean, he seemed like the thing about that character, the star character is he's very, he's kind of slimy, you know, he's kind of like Bradley Cooper and every other movie where it's like this guy, you know? So that's already in there. Disney had a tough job of making this movie because all the Misfits are kind of bad guys that we like, for some reason, you know?
Alice Vaughn 35:19 Yeah. So going back to the writing for a second because I know that you guys really like the back and forth in the beginning. I mean, for me, I feel like this movie brought for me the best come back to go suck a bag of dicks or go eat a bag of decks I have ever heard in my life. For the cracks character to say, why would she suck in an entire bag of dicks when one would be sufficient enough for her voracious dick. Hunger is the best line I am using. Absolutely, because I've been told multiple times to go suck a bag of dicks. Why when I just need one for my ferocious hunger? It was
Bre Pruitt 35:55 excellent. Cracks writing, right. I mean, it's beautiful. You had to pick something that was like, you know, an unreasonable metaphor and crack says that's his bread and butter.
Alice Vaughn 36:06 Yeah, he's so literal. Yeah. Now how much time do you guys think they spent on applying the body makeup? Because I know for the real one, David Bautista had to stand for five hours. Wow. While they applied body paint. How long do you think this took? I don't know.
Bre Pruitt 36:20 His makeup seemed maybe the most intricate man and then probably you don't want to take it off. You think they shot it in one day? That's what I'm thinking
Natalia Reagan 36:30 was a multi day shoot well, because he wasn't also you know that that was also a little disappointing. I figured he'd have a sex scene too. I thought it was a shoo in to have a threesome with him in the hora and star load but
Bre Pruitt 36:43 she'd be like fuck me daddy. And he'd be like, um, you're not your father. Obviously my family is gone. You know?
vegan character development for that character. I would love to see I was literal watch a whole movie of him being literal in like the world or or whatever.
Alice Vaughn 37:01 Oh, that would be good. So the cracks character does in part to have a scene with Nebula so you get some blue on blue. Yeah. Although it's just it's such a very quick dialogue and a little bit of comedy and then it goes straight into mostly blow job for 90%. I didn't know what we were getting into with part two. So I was like, Guys, we're focusing on part one. Okay. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. My voracious
Natalia Reagan 37:27 hunger for eating or sucking a bag of dicks was was completely satiated with part one. Exactly. I am. I'm good. The sex between them seemed kind of fast forwarded. I got a little bit of it. I liked it. I mean, but I switched from the little that I saw. But it yeah, it kind of just ended right there was abrupt. I would have liked a little bit maybe a cliffhanger, if you will. for part two. That's just my personal opinion. Or have you seen Alison the porn parodies after the credits having like, deleted For like Part Two or like, like a funny little teaser, because that would be
Bre Pruitt 38:03 so fun in Grand Marvel a question that is no characteristic of the canon, you know, you got to come back with Nick Fury.
Unknown Speaker 38:13 Ah,
Alice Vaughn 38:15 oh, no, sorry, you're reminding me of the awful Avengers porn parody we saw
Bre Pruitt 38:20 No. Was it a lot of Nick Fury?
Alice Vaughn 38:23 I mean, we had Nick Fury, but it was just it was the writing was so bad. I see. I see you can't come back from that.
Bre Pruitt 38:30 So this Guardians of the Galaxy, the writing is very good in your opinion. And the Avengers movie was very bad writing.
Alice Vaughn 38:37 Let me put it this way. The level of effort is night and day. I'm not saying this is the best porn parody I've watched. We've definitely watched way more intricate ones but you know what they care they gave a shit got it. But so before going skipping all the way to the end. There are a few key moments I do want to mention. So let's talk about the disturbing raccoon masturbation scene. Cuz I couldn't sleep at night. I understand. So we have April O'Neil who they shrunk down to raccoon size for this and in this one time so after growing saves the team by engulfing them all in a protective clamshell, as one would, you know, actually maybe more porn stars aren't protective commercials and we just don't know it, huh?
Natalia Reagan 39:24 Yeah, that explains a lot of the San Fernando Valley, the home of my people. That's where I grew up. I like when he said we are growing, which was I felt like a nice double entendre because they you know, I mean, I am growing. He's always saying he's growing as a dildo. That makes sense, but we are growing it was it was a tender moment. I thought, yeah,
Bre Pruitt 39:39 very tender. I do think that the scale of the rakuen was very funny throughout. So like, you know, they use green screen technique, some acting techniques where rockets walking out of the room and all the actors look down at their feet like Oh, there she goes. But it's like the new you guys Seeing the trailer for the new movie cats that's coming out where you're like, Oh yeah, how big are the cats? Are they cat sized? Are they people sized? Are they somewhere in between? Because some places it feels like there's somewhere in between sometimes it seems like they're tiny, like mice. And that's how I felt like a pro Neil was this little rocket was like, and also I gotta tell you, this is like the worst mask I've ever seen. They could have got that mask. They could have gotten any mask. It looked like taxidermy. Dude, it was so bad. And then also for when the reveal comes when she takes off her fucking jumpsuit, and she's just a naked hottie under there with like, a mask line. You know, there was no blending. It's like when a girl does her makeup real intense and her face is orange and her neck is white. That's what it looks like Dude, we can have a hairy a completely hairy face and neck and then just perfectly not she didn't have hair under her armpits. You think a raccoon woman wouldn't have a full bush. It's ridiculous.
Natalia Reagan 40:59 Yeah, no, I I definitely felt like it. I'm all about the suspension of disbelief for films that took it a little too far. Yeah When I didn't like is when she took rowing and put him in her mouth but you could tell that the mouth of the mask she'd go real deep to even get her mouth so it was just like
Alice Vaughn 41:19 it was it was overwhelming to explain to our audience what happens is after growing sacrifices himself, he becomes baby growing. So essentially the size of an actual dildo and they CGI groin onto the dildo. I just didn't feel comfortable knowing we had baby till the
Bre Pruitt 41:38 end he still was wooden. He still was wooden so all I could think about were splinters. You could definitely see that the accident that made grind very small also made him very smooth, which was convenient for the scene. Very
convenient for this nardin's parody. Alice you would know
Natalia Reagan 41:56 this. Tell me do you want to I don't know. I'm Wooden dildos I mean isn't like the wooden teeth of Washington, George Washington. I mean, there's got to be windows I mean, yeah, I mean, broom handle.
Alice Vaughn 42:11 We also have a Patreon and I kid you not who carved us a wooden bed pluck. Oh,
Bre Pruitt 42:17 yeah. Amazing. It's fantastic. I think petrified wood would make a lovely dildo. It's and that's technically rock, I think but the sediments have come in and yeah, I know it said it cuz the only thing I would think of is also how dirty wouldn't any like a wooden surface absorbs oftentimes, you know, it can get dirtier than say like a stainless steel table. It could be the kind of thing though like Natalia I listened to this podcast about how this like convent was making cheese in these old wood barrels. And the bacteria was like beautiful and like the cheese was renowned and like the health inspector was like no the bacteria This is bad and they're like okay, but the wood barrels it doesn't make anyone sick. Then they started using the stainless steel barrels and people started getting sick because something in the world It like the bacteria It was a bacteria it was a good bacteria and it balanced it all out, you know, so maybe a wooden dildo would be actually like a vaginal cleaning.
Natalia Reagan 43:09 Oh, that we would get Jen Gunter on our butts though.
Bre Pruitt 43:14 Well, it's one whole only maybe do you
Natalia Reagan 43:16 know Jen Gunter? No. Oh, she's great she if you ever get a chance she's on very active on Twitter. She just wrote the vagina Bible, but she you know, there's all these like, put a jade egg in your vagina and she's just like, stop don't like, stop. You don't need like it cleans itself. It's okay. But yeah, I do wonder what a wouldn't dildo would do in terms of long term.
Alice Vaughn 43:39 So that said, I decided to Google what Intel dos. Oh, and I have stumbled onto a treasure trove of information will go on. So for example, did you know that you're not supposed to by the way if you choose to decide to make your own custom wedding tilde? Oh, don't stain the dildo? Apparently you're not supposed to have it stained or varnished at all. Oh, Yeah, you want a natural finish? I assume it's just a lot of sanding to smooth out any rough spots, sharp edges a lot of sand. But basically they use something called a salad bowl finish which is food great safe but not an oil. That is something I need to learn what that is Wait wait you are supposed to use oil
Bre Pruitt 44:20 it No it's a finished called a salad bowl finished like some sort of lacquer or something like that sealant. Yeah, if it was like a like I have a bamboo cutting board right? You got to seal it with oil, but you it's just kind of an oil treatment and you know just keeps the wood from splintering off and stuff like that.
Alice Vaughn 44:40 It is some kind of a finish though because if there's no finish on it, then moisture will cause it to apparently splinter over time. Yeah. So what I think we're trying to say is if you're investing in a wooden dildo or bud plug, do your homework and because this sounds intense and complicated, do your homework you
Bre Pruitt 44:57 would fuckers Yeah.
You would you dender feely x
Unknown Speaker 45:03 gender fuel
Natalia Reagan 45:06 means tree lover some people hug trees other people fuck them you know i mean it's I do not judge it's all about the earth baby branch out. branch out and leave those blasted leaves behind leave your expectations
Bre Pruitt 45:19 at the door
Natalia Reagan 45:21 get to the root of the matter. Wow oh yeah it's bad it's
exactly you are a teacher put a ring on it Oh yeah, I know it's Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 45:32 it's really bad. Like for students
Alice Vaughn 45:34 I wouldn't believe this if it wasn't happening.
Natalia Reagan 45:39 I like to make root jokes because in Prospect Park, there's this weird tree structure that is like a clean cut group. It literally looks like a giant you know, I call him Greg fruits, you know, clean cut cousin that has a good 401k and pension package but Amanda group was a fan of growing
Alice Vaughn 45:59 so Team saves the universe in a very simple fashion so apparently bone and gets on the ship. He gets the Infinity bone. raccoon decides to start humping bone in his leg. She drops the Infinity bone. Packer quill grabs the Infinity bone, but he can't handle the bone. So what how do they resolve this guy?
Natalia Reagan 46:20 You know, sometimes you just got to put a hand on somebody's crotch. And basically, they absorbed the power while pecker was holding it and it was very unwieldy. This infinity bone and it was the power was so intense. I don't exactly understand it. What exactly it was doing, but it was causing very whole like very well I was like hot potato hard to hold. So he shared the pain and perhaps some of the pleasure with good hora and cracks and yeah, they just grabbed on to basically the horas vaccine and held on tight Yeah, I like that Crux very Matter of fact, he offered to grab stern loads crotch and he was Like No, I think it's better if you grab onto the horse. So I thought for a second we were going to see some guy on guy and I was I got a little a little excited, because I like it when they mix it up and they surprise me. But alas, that was not was not
Alice Vaughn 47:18 too much
Bre Pruitt 47:20 to push in the envelope for the nard fans. They want the girl on guy action. I think that there was an opportunity for a group seksyen you know, and they took it, you know, because it was pretty much ready to go there in the original film. You know, the group can only handle the power of the bone with all of their powers combined. Voltron every kind of superhero movie that's a team. That's what it ends with. Right? I couldn't do it alone. could only do it with all of our powers combined Power Rangers, Marvel Avengers Pauly Shore. Yeah, Paulie. Short names as a team in the army now. No, I definitely feel like there's always
Natalia Reagan 48:03 that moment where it's like the protagonist is like I can do it without you and then walks away and then realize is no, I needed my team. And he didn't have quite as fast break. Yeah, a good act break to sort of come back and do it together.
Bre Pruitt 48:18 It was a great moment of coming together coming together.
Natalia Reagan 48:23 Yeah, I was a little disappointed that they didn't finish out with with cracks, but that's, you know, maybe they just really wanted to build up that very long and explosive blow job for part two. But yeah, I enjoyed it. You've seen far more than I have Alice but porn parodies that really sucked a bag of dicks. And this one was,
Alice Vaughn 48:43 this one was okay, I would say. I mean, if you're someone who wants to watch Guardians of the Galaxy porn parody, I would say this is one of them. Probably the only
Natalia Reagan 48:51 one there was the song they did the remake of hooked on a feeling by blue sweet. That was fantastic. Their new take on hooked on a feeling Just on a ceiling
Alice Vaughn 49:02 very hard to clean very hard
Natalia Reagan 49:05 in space no one can hear you cream whoo I thought the production value on that song was better than a lot of the movie I mean in terms of, of nailing it it I think it's instead of Ooga Chaka it's like Ooga fucka or something you know, it's it's got a nice little spin on mixed feeling, which is such a feel good song.
Alice Vaughn 49:25 Did you know that the film's soundtrack awesome mix Volume One was the first film soundtrack to make it to number one on the Billboard charts without a single original song. Wow.
Bre Pruitt 49:33 It's a very good soundtrack. Yeah,
Natalia Reagan 49:37 that's impressive. I feel like yeah, growing up, Forrest Gump was a huge sound jack and Boogie Nights for me. And they all were none I don't think either of those had an original song on them. They all were like Boogie Nights was fantastic. And it was all older, late 70s sort of porn ish sounding song. So yeah,
Bre Pruitt 49:58 you know, get into that song parody. It's Like, if you're making a movie like guardians, you know, it's this parody. The budget is so important. It's like, Where are you spending your money? You know, where are you really going to see it? You know, and I bet they spent a ton of money on CGI, that stuff is so expensive, and it looks so bad. Like it's so hard to make that stuff look good. Like the or they didn't spend it on like the mask, they probably spent a lot of money on makeup. They probably spent a lot of money on. Yeah, because it was so much makeup. It was so detailed. It was head to toe for some people, you know, and I got to assume that they spent a lot of money on that song parody because it was really good. It sounded like a decent production value. And it had the qualities of the song that you needed to kind of create that world where Yeah, what is it about hooked on a feeling it's that it starts with the like, guttural chanting it sounds kind of like exotic and, and farflung and that's what the beginning of that movie is about. It's like adventure and stuff and heart and it was perfect. It was really Good it kind of got me excited for the movie like the way an opening song is supposed to go what a world where a porn parody is that's what I'm saying they really did a good job of like like mirroring shots that had you know a dynamic look like the lineup you know, and picking their moments to spend money on like a good song and a CGI tree calm explosion. I'll tell you what the com explosion they didn't spend a lot of money on. There was just some no bomb on the ground. Like we're supposed to think that's come you think your audience doesn't know what camo looks like? Alright guys, come on. Come on. What are we doing here? Right. Come Come on.
Natalia Reagan 51:37 Lee mon is right.
Bre Pruitt 51:39 Don't come on my hair and tell me it's raining.
Alice Vaughn 51:43 No, it's just a protective shield. I see.
Bre Pruitt 51:47 It was like I was also envisioning like a crusty come bubble. Not like a like a liquid come can protect anyone. And also, let's just be clear, man, this is another man. If anybody was gonna say it would be That protective shell of a vagina not accom bubble comm does not protect anyone it's not helpful stop making your column seem important to us it's not yeah
Natalia Reagan 52:09 they would calls you know like saying you know grow a pair it's like no those things are outside the grow some ovaries inside the body can take a pounding and like you know the the no and also hot as balls not a correct because they're outside the body so your testicles
Bre Pruitt 52:23 are vulnerable and wussy is what your testicles are. I don't want to grow anything as vulnerable as a sack. Mm hmm. Yeah. Natalia you're right now I know right when you tell people off after that I
Unknown Speaker 52:37 actually you guys don't tell
Bre Pruitt 52:39 me to grow a pair balls are not fit for tough conditions. They're like, sperm quality of human male is is bunk. Honestly, they have bunk spunk.
Natalia Reagan 52:49 It's inferior to many. Yeah, chimpanzees have really great a spunk like they and narrow jackets contain far more sperm than ours do but our human sperm is pretty darn lame like they have like, you know, double tails swimming in circles things like that. Just don't be Don't be sperm, but chimpanzees man,
Unknown Speaker 53:11 chef's kiss.
Natalia Reagan 53:13 That's not because I want to have sex with a chimpanzee. I'm just saying they have very
Bre Pruitt 53:16 and you're an appreciator of the game. I am
Natalia Reagan 53:20 a very large testes to compared to us humans but I also did in terms of the music I definitely don't want to miss pointing out that when they were making the Julio I can't say her name Julia Louis Dreyfus she's such a fantastic actress I don't worry
Alice Vaughn 53:35 you'll get it by the time we do the V porn parent There you go.
Natalia Reagan 53:38 Awesome. When is that gonna happen because that shit. But she so they're making references to her and then of course they make a Seinfeld reference and they do a great bad, good version of a Seinfeld base intro It was fantastic. So I just definitely want to give a shout out to that lovely moment. Good job music focused job
Bre Pruitt 53:59 that actress Yeah, sure. satis she's funny.
Alice Vaughn 54:02 Yeah, Tabitha Stephens well done tab. I've seen her before and a couple ones I yeah, my favorite so far that she's been in is Linda being Linda in Bob's boners.
Unknown Speaker 54:13 Oh my god.
Bre Pruitt 54:16 Do you think an adult film star comes to set? And if she doesn't have to fuck, she's like, Oh, well, like, is she stoked? Or is she like, oh, what am I even doing here? You know what I mean? Like, if I were called to set and I was I was not making any jokes, it would feel weird. I would be like, am I even gonna get paid for this? You know?
Alice Vaughn 54:38 Well, what's interesting is we've had like, for example, my friend Kate Kennedy will go on set sometimes, and she'll be asked to do readings. So you know how, like in the beginning of porn, they'll say, he was my mom's yoga teacher. And I always Yeah, whatever. So she will do those types of readings and she'll just knock out a bunch. That's fun. And she'll get paid for I love it
Bre Pruitt 55:01 that would be great if she needs help. I know I was just gonna say that if you have any listeners in the industry please call me I am available to read any smut you want for just as many dollars as you're willing to give me
Unknown Speaker 55:14 I'm a big Smut Peddler. So I you're
Alice Vaughn 55:16 in the LA or Portland area, LA. Oh, so yeah, you're in a small area. I'm near the industry. Considering we actually might have a couple that listen to this, Bri hire please do
Bre Pruitt 55:31 I have excellent diction? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My diction is so hard and off the charts.
Alice Vaughn 55:40 Bree where can our listeners find more of you or see you?
Bre Pruitt 55:43 Ah, well, thank you for asking at Bri prewett across all platforms that's free with an eye and prove it with an E TT. I just wrote an article for Playboy magazine which you can read words not pictures. And it's strictly for my mind is what Playboy magazine wanted, but I also in Los Angeles you can see me every week. Friday I run a show called faded and then once a month I run a show called High Priestess. That's a tarot card, cannabis and comedy show and we also have a podcast and you can get all those details at high priestess calm no High Priestess comedy calm sweet. So
Alice Vaughn 56:19 how does that work terror ID cards and pod and comedy
Bre Pruitt 56:23 we should stand up show we encourage the audience to get high if they want to. They can also like we've done it on in backyards under the full moon and usually it's it's just like a it's like a great group and people get high and drink and we sometimes have weed sponsors. So we've had edible sponsors, and the audience is just like, Oh, it's just like so happy and vibrating and like the comedian's love it and then we have a tarot card reader who does tarot cards after the show. Sometimes we do a little chanting and spell work. It's just uh, you know, we're a couple of La witches and that's the kind of show we wanted to see. And so we just started doing it and it's been about two years now. Now we have a spin off show in Austin. You Go see High Priestess, Austin or an LA or you can listen to podcast if you're somewhere else. And if you're if you're a witch, it might be with you.
Alice Vaughn 57:07 Yeah. Cool. So I'll link to that in the show notes. So if you guys are in the LA area or just want to listen to Bri you can do that. So before we jump to the very, very end, so we do have some patrons too. Thanks. So this week we want to think aid in ferrets stock Bethany Nicole Andrew gore bob dole Bob Cole Brent, Brian gauti, Carl Christie, Chris cafaro, Craig Elliott, Elisa, Eric h Falco hyping 404 Dale stringham Howard Lee Polish I can make it in Australia Joshua rice, Kyle Washington Kevin bounty long aid when Michael get Mike sorbets, ko priests pilot Wendy Cornwall and many many many others. And if you also want to become a patron yourself head over to patreon.com slash to girls on make or just to girls on Mike calm and hit the donate button. You help with editing and hosting and all the expense so we need to get this up and running to you guys every week. And Natalia, where can our listeners find more of you?
Natalia Reagan 58:03 Well, Alice, if you want to find me on Twitter, I'm at Natalia 13th. Reagan. I also host podcasts for Neil deGrasse Tyson's all stars. So the show is no longer going but if you want to hear backlogs of me talking about Neanderthal nookie and what makes us human and teeth and and space, you know, black holes and dark matter and all that kind of stuff can find me on Star talk, Instagram and Italia 13. Reagan and yeah, you could also see updates on shows. So right now I don't have a regular show, but there'll be some coming up
Alice Vaughn 58:33 cool. And you guys can find me on Twitter at rational blonde or on the T GLM podcast, Twitter, also next week, so we will see you next week guys. Thanks for tuning in. Bye
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
15 Apr 2021
#47- 30 Rock Porn (reprise)
01:06:06
Comedian, Dave Kinney (@DavidKinney), joins Alice & Yvette this week to see what happens when you try to turn a show about a live sketch-comedy show into a porn...and forget to ask Judah Friedlander to star in it. We also cover what to not put into a microwave, rocket knees, custom gym blazers, and porn Kenneth.
Alice & Yvette are having a wholesome MFF, with non other than CollegeHumor's Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry). The girls clearly can't contain themselves when they hear he's willing to do the dishes...without being asked. Together they review SpongeKnob SquareNuts, because our childhoods haven't been ruined enough.
Unknown Speaker 0:02 This these two girls, one Mic, the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 0:11 Welcome to the podcast. Dildos are being affected by the trade war. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn and with me I have my gorgeous co host beside babe event Dr. Mott event How you doing honey? I'm very sad about my impending higher cost of dildos thanks to the fact that most of them have to be made in China right? Is this the thing that's happening or the cost of rubber seal and all the other things that go into this magical piece of equipment? I'm holding up my Hitachi right now much to our guests consternation? Are you personally being affected in your quest to get off by the trade wars email us info to girls Win Mag comm so yeah, if you're in China and you work at a factory, are you personally being affected by the number of orders coming into your factory regarding dildos, electronic products and door anything that's stimulating and or vagina or crocs or both? Are all the generals email us info to girls for Mike calm. Yeah, email us. You know, we shouldn't turn the show into a show about economics because we're gonna get so many angry emails No. Like, no. They've instead we have a very interesting character from both the comedy and the porn universe and I'm so fucking thrilled. That is work exists. Alice, how should we he transcends porn and comedy. Would you say that? He does. So his name is Brian creamer. Real name? Yeah, best both poor name and real name. I have so many questions about that. But if you haven't heard of Ryan before, he creates wholesome porn for Pornhub such as I disinfect the casting couch. I do the dishes with happing ask. I deliver you pizza and to put my wiener in it.
And he's a writer for College Humor. So Ryan, welcome to our show.
Ryan Creamer 1:53 Thanks so much for having me guys. I'm psyched to be here and I will say I stockpiled all my dildos and butt plugs so I will sell them at discount rate so they avoid trade wars if anyone's interested. Or they used. Oh, great question. I'll pay
Yvette d'Entremont 2:05 extra for that. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, they're all use if they come with panties even better yours specifically
Ryan Creamer 2:11 Perfect. Okay, I'll have my use but plugs dildos panties for sale in the link of this app, I think
Yvette d'Entremont 2:17 Yeah, we'll link to it. Why not show notes? Yeah, Lincoln. We're not going to use them. We're going to mount them on the wall as a trophy. I one day I feel like there's gonna be a market for alysus and my panties. Oh, sure. You know, there might be that out there like, but there seems to be less of a market of that for men's underwear. And I feel that is discriminatory.
Ryan Creamer 2:36 I think so too. I need to open the market up a little bit.
Alice Vaughn 2:39 Ryan, you are a pioneer. Hey, I appreciate that. Just so you know, if you haven't looked at you should go and watch his porn. His most important he is a very attractive gentleman. He is. Am I seeing this wrong? Or are you a ginger? I might. Yeah, I am. And he is like I said, very handsome fella. We don't say that about gingers. This is our first ginger. Guest Oh, In MFF oh good boy yeah we do like our MFF oh mama
Ryan Creamer 3:05 mama me it's very funny because tags on Pornhub and I think porn in general redhead is like the least populated category like there is none to be found people don't want to see it
Yvette d'Entremont 3:14 Really? I looked in England and I looked the gingers, so maybe that's just me. But then again, maybe it's because I feel like genders fall into one of two categories. You're really attractive or? Oh, yeah, no, you're right. It's but Ryan has a delightful smile and besides his video of washing the dishes without being asked, I have never come so hard in my life.
Alice Vaughn 3:39 Oh, no. I personally loved I tuck you in after you have come.
Good man with the fact that he you encourage people to continue looking for the right porn video. Do you understand how picky I am? I will go through like 12 different pages on Pornhub and still be disappointed it has. It's okay baby. Wait until you find the thing that's right for you because your orgasm is important.
Ryan Creamer 4:06 Well, here's my question in terms of searching for stuff, because what I do is I'll go through and I don't really have a plan of attack. It's just like whatever is presented to me, I'm like, these are my options that makes your dick. But do you guys look for like, generally like, here's the genre is their processors at the same where it's like I open it and then I'm scrolling.
Alice Vaughn 4:22 I open I scroll I normally go three pages in to see if there's anything that's interesting to me. Sure. My listeners are finding out about my porn habits. Fantastic. They're gonna get mine next. So then I start going into different types of terms that I'm interested in. I like high quality stuff. I like romantic stuff because I normally on the romantic ones, you could see people who are really into each other and I want both parties just going at it and wanting to rip each others clothes off. Right, I've just seen lackluster sex. I also have a handful of other search terms that you have to become a Patreon to find out
Ryan Creamer 5:01 Yeah, flee the market. I love it.
Alice Vaughn 5:03 And I joke about technical porn on the show. It's not my thing. I've never deliberately searched into houses like yeah, I believe you on that event. But no same thing search to the first three pages. Nothing interesting that I'm like, Alright, DPA. No, let's see what they've got. Sure, sure, sure. You have to go straight for the stuff that's gonna really rock it. Yeah, of course. I mean, I get it. And I'm married. You know, married people watch porn together. So sometimes it's like, whoever suggests the genre of porn first gets to conquer porn mountain. That's how that works on one is watching it together. So Ryan, how did you come up with this idea of wholesome porn? I love it. I am not sure I like set out to like, Okay, this is a thing I'm gonna do. I was on Pornhub I was watching porn. And after I am shocked Yeah, we can't have this man on our show.
Ryan Creamer 5:52 Yeah, sorry. I gotta I'm gonna log off real quick. Goodbye. No, but at the bottom there's like a work with a stem. There's like a model program from Pornhub and I was like, it's very funny for me specifically to join this program. This is not the target demo, I imagine, they're not looking for the ginger man with his clothes on all the time. And that's the kind of videos that I thought would be funny to make. So I did that first one, the I took you in after you come. And then the second one was, I encourage you to help find the video that you want. And those were the first two that I did. And that was essentially the tracks at there. And I was like, Okay, that was fun. Like, those are the ideas that I had. But those two kind of got big and like got shared around a bunch. So I was like, Oh, this is a format I can keep doing
Alice Vaughn 6:35 and just kept going from Yeah. And you disinfected the casting couch. I did was not the actual casting couch was it?
Ryan Creamer 6:42 It's not but it looks like it doesn't it is
Alice Vaughn 6:45 pretty much any black vinyl? Yeah. loveseat style couch. We'll do it right. I'm sure people have had sex on that couch. That's close enough.
Ryan Creamer 6:54 Yeah, that was a couch at work. And yeah, it's like,
Alice Vaughn 6:56 Oh, dang. Yeah. I watch College Humor. I'm subscribed. Click the subscribe button if I'm a good College Humor watcher. I'm just saying y'all are attractive folks over there that's visualizing that is not a bad visual show. Oh, people are fucking at work. Oh, that's never happened.
Ryan Creamer 7:15 Yeah, we get the conference room we rented out and we all have sex with each other and then we go home we don't really do anything other than that
Alice Vaughn 7:21 the videos are just kind of while you're banging we should do a video
Ryan Creamer 7:24 about this. Yeah, it helps stimulate the brainstorming it's just a fuck each other.
Alice Vaughn 7:30 I think it's simulating something else but you know brain to your dick is that big. Maybe it'll get all the way up there. I still I'm hung up so much on your name. Because I mean, after this episode, I feel like women are going to or maybe just may be calling saying, I don't know. I feel like your tagline is going to end up being on porn like, and you've been creamed? Yeah, you want some of the creamsicle and then you just give an actual creamsicle I don't know. I feel like there could be ice cream man porn now. Oh, yes. There's so much porn you can cover Do you haven't done plumbers? You haven't cleared a woman's pipes out yet and actually cleared her pipes out? Yes,
Ryan Creamer 8:06 yes, it's a job that needs to be done. I mean, you can't just and
Yvette d'Entremont 8:08 we were talking about this before we started recording but there was one with IKEA. Oh yeah, I mentioned go to IKEA and Toad fight with your girlfriend, people needed and my way of doing that was instead when your girlfriend wants to go to IKEA just hand her your credit card and say I trust you and get yourself some throw pillows that I know you love so much. I think that is wholesome porn that women are going to be like he's in
Ryan Creamer 8:35 and then ideally I get kind of this brand. IKEA sponsors me gives me a bunch of their furniture, you know,
Alice Vaughn 8:41 maybe they'll just give you throw pillows. I mean, not that that's what I have. I'm like where am I throw pillows from IKEA. I put together an Ikea kitchen cabinet while you watch Grey's Anatomy.
Ryan Creamer 8:53 See the problem with that is that I'd actually have to be able to do it and I don't think I can.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:57 I love putting together IKEA furniture. It's one of my, like, my husband is very, very good at constructing real things that need construction. So when there's IKEA shit, I'm like, leave me alone. I could actually do this. Yeah,
Ryan Creamer 9:08 it's like adult Legos. I'm like, I can do this same
Alice Vaughn 9:11 here. When we were getting furniture putting it together. I was the one who was like, oh, there's a hole that needs spackling me do this. Alice does like putting things in holes. Oh shit. We're here for the low hanging fruit guys. I'll get hacky with my humor if I have to. I'm not above that. Look, our tagline is we're discussing the holes and plot holes and port. We'll get hacky with my humor. Occasionally, you're allowed to Ryan anything that you can dangle in front of our listeners in front of the horizon of what you're going to be putting out next.
Ryan Creamer 9:41 So yeah, I was saying I try to do these videos like once a week or so I don't think of it as something that's like okay, we need to constantly be making these but so once a week I try to do it. The one that I just recorded is me with my sweater, my tie and my little button up which I have worn in all of them and I'm in the shower fully clothed and as you Haven't nailed which
Alice Vaughn 10:00 is exactly how everyone showers.
Ryan Creamer 10:02 Yes, exactly normal kind people in the shower with all their clothes on. And yeah, it's me just in the shower and no one comes in there disturbs my shower and fucks me I just get clean and it's really nice.
Yvette d'Entremont 10:13 That sounds so sweet. I think we need more of that and pornography. Obviously sometimes
Ryan Creamer 10:18 you just need to shower because you have to go to a thing later
Alice Vaughn 10:20 with your clothes on things. Exactly. Like I would say you live in LA and it's warm. And that's why but you don't live in LA. No, no, we have him this time on the east coast. So it's true. Yeah, I feel like our guests are either in Los Angeles or New York like there's no other location for funny or for pornographic people. Those are the only two if you're a porn star in Minnesota. We want to hear from you info at two girls when Mike calm I specifically want the Kansas porn stars. There's some shit going on there. I know and I want to get to the bottom of it.
Ryan Creamer 10:51 So are most people that you've had on that are in the industry in LA. I imagined that So yeah,
Alice Vaughn 10:56 I used to live in Burbank and that is the porno Valley is it really we would go out tomorrow. Breakfast, generally in North Hollywood and we would play this game of fitness model or porn star, because, you know, they would all be wearing leggings and sports bras and it's like, all right, you could, it would be hard to tell but generally we would go with how big are the fake boobs? So not only do they have fake boobs, it's how big it was. If you're a fitness person, you need to have them not hit your face. Sure. I do like the resurgence of real boobs, though in porn nowadays. arsenal fan just say yeah, just say Alice and I are our steering members of the itty bitty titty committee. Love it. I've always been a fan of the small ones. I like the big ones. Look, I just like boobs. Look, I am enjoying the ass era. But I think the boobs are feeling left out right now.
Ryan Creamer 11:44 Do you think we're in the ass era currently?
Alice Vaughn 11:45 I think the last era might be on I don't think it's on its way out. But I think it peaked. Yes. Possible. I'm gonna hold that for it because fan
supporter you are about 70% ass That's really not wrong. I say this is a compliment you have no you haven't asked that white girls would kill for I mean, look, I'm nowhere near me. I'm alcova status were like, perfectly around like that next to the moon, you can't tell the difference. Sure. I mean, decent. I would say I decent
Ryan Creamer 12:20 70% as seems like a pretty good ratio. That's like the amount of water that's on the planet.
Alice Vaughn 12:25 Alice has asked is a monument to ask us. It's a good ass. I know you can see below me but I actually don't really have legs. It's mostly Yes. You
Ryan Creamer 12:33 just walk around on your ass. Let's just
Alice Vaughn 12:34 ask scoots really it's just like a little. It's a sachet of Yeah,
Ryan Creamer 12:40 but but but but and then it gets the butts stronger because you're you know, using it to move I think that's great.
Alice Vaughn 12:45 Pants shopping has always been hard though. I got
Ryan Creamer 12:47 to imagine you know,
Alice Vaughn 12:49 so we watched a porn this week, not together. Although I kind of wish we did. This was fairly chaste pour and there was not to blow the plot. That's all that happened. We always do. There was a
Ryan Creamer 13:01 blow job. Well, I do think it was so much a limitation of the costuming.
Alice Vaughn 13:08 Yeah, we watched sponge knob square nuts this week once another delightful feature from our friends at wait was this wood rocket or just it was this was wood rock at this time. So Leroy, thank you for traumatizing us. Mission accomplished. Was it traumatizing? Or was it an addition to our childhood? Or was it ruining it? Oh, because I watched SpongeBob in college, just Anthony Rosano. His voice in this just oh my god, where do we start? That when he was coming was too much. I'm sorry.
Ryan Creamer 13:39 Oh, yeah, the thing is, and you got to give him credit for it. He really commits to the character. Yeah, but the issue is in other wood rocket things that I've seen, it's like, okay, we're gonna do the plot stuff. And then we're just gonna have sex like people do. And then this is going to be this character having sex?
Alice Vaughn 13:55 Yeah, I mean, in The Simpsons, they managed to keep McBain and character. Oh, that's fun. And this is why I say Evan stone was one of the best actors important because he managed to keep mcbay he kept keep talking and the mcbane will take Mick Baines penis like one, Nancy. Why do I hide the plutonium? I will hide the plutonium in your pants. I'm sorry, we could watch that one over again, just because it was funny. But we're gonna start out this form from the beginning. Like Actually, I feel like before we even get into the plot, we need to sell something once and for all. Is SpongeBob a dish sponge or a sea sponge? Oh, good question. Hmm, let's see, do dish sponges come from the sea sometimes.
Ryan Creamer 14:33 So I do know that the creator because I'm a big SpongeBob head loves SpongeBob and when he was creating it, he was like a marine biologist. So he knows all these like creatures really well. And he's like, okay, so sponges don't actually look like dish sponges in the sea, but like his kids show so I'm gonna make it what they you know, is familiar to them, which is additional Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 14:53 Stephen Hillenburg one that he said when he was originally trying to draw SpongeBob it originally looked like that. poorest snowman. So he decided to use the universally understood symbol of a sponge a dish sponge. So we technically both and let me explain why because I did so much research into this. This literally took up 60 minutes my life. This is what Alice does with her free time she tries to figure out a pornographic sponges or sea sponges or if they were made in the lab, she's doing this for you. Yeah, for you people putting in hours. You're welcome. And thank you for listening. So let me present the arguments for Team dish sponge. So please do team dish sponge. There is an episode where SpongeBob has a quote, abrasive side. It's green. Oh, interesting.
When SpongeBob and Patrick also are on drier land you guys have probably I mean, Ryan, you've seen that he's used as a normal sponge. Yeah. Yeah, there's also his parents had kind of look like loofahs but now to present the counter arguments. loopers are not just natural. They are land sponges. They come from a pod Are they land sponges? Yeah, they are sponges that come out of a pod. They don't live in a pineapple under the sea. They come from a tree and a pod. Hmm, I saw that. That's true. We have the Googles. We can do this that I've seen this recently. Please do because I know sea sponges grow in different shapes, colors and texture, so it's not too far off to say that they could be round in different colors. Interesting. I mean, there could be different things that are labeled as loofahs out in the universe sure that I'd seen a video on this recently. Peeling a homegrown loofahs Oh, here we go. How to harvest a loofah sponge
Ryan Creamer 16:34 Have you seen like the male loofahs that they had to brand is like fucking with this super aggro male language of like this is like manscaping like deck scrub?
Alice Vaughn 16:44 No, this isn't a loofa It's a lather builder is the exactly this is Christ are you is your I know that some men don't like the term toxic masculinity and this might make your balls tuck right back up into you, but bear with me. It'll be okay. are you so scared of something like a loofa that you have to call it a lather builder to be okay with getting your balls cleaned for fucksakes
Unknown Speaker 17:09 it's
Alice Vaughn 17:10 it's just marketers who are trying to appeal to a segment of the population and have no idea how the fuck they're doing it. Hundred percent found a video of the Bufo sponges being harvested and I trying to figure out if they come from a tree or not. But let's see. So for Team c sponge while you're looking for that information, yes. SpongeBob can literally in some instances, you see him inhaling his food, so filter feeding. You also in some episodes seem like mini SpongeBob is popping around SpongeBob. So you see reproduction via budding. Yeah. And also regeneration. Like he has an episode where they like he has a bucket of popcorn and he's eating his own hands. So that's what a sea sponge would do. Well, that's something and there's also he does photosynthesis for nourishment in an early episode. But you know what it actually comes to be and the reason it's technically both from 1999 to 2004. That's when Stephen Hillenburg worked on the show the original creator, he left after 2004. The show obviously continued, but then the new director to creative liberties that portray SpongeBob as more of a dish sponge, so the lower episodes could technically be considered not to be canon. This is very interesting. So I found the information about lupus. The loofa is a genus of tropical and subtropical vines in the cucumber family, ah, they grow seeds and everyday non technical users loofa also spelled lufa. So it's normally spelled l u FFA as opposed to the commercial product le fH, it usually refers to the fruit of two species. The fruit of these species are cultivated and eaten as a vegetable the fruit must be harvested at a young stage of development to be edible. Either way, the fully developed fruit is the source of the loop. First scrubbing sponge. So there we go. So since we that's more information I ever needed to know about loofahs Now we know everything we need to know about what you use to scrub you're happy places or non Happy Places. I don't know where your loot those are being shoved. However, if his parents are loofahs he is at least part loofa. Oh, interesting, since we know for a fact that he's a loofa. This means he was born on the ground. He's part cucumber. So which means he's a good dildo. That's all I'm saying. I wouldn't know. I just read about it online. Exactly. So let's get into the porn. Yes, absolutely. Before we get into actual sex, I love their take on the SpongeBob song. Oh, it's great. Yeah, it was fantastic. Are you legal age adults ready to watch some porn? Oh, yeah. Who lives in a vibrator under the sea sponge. No square know he's so horny and nerdy and try to have me spawns.
Now Weird yellow sex is something you lost spawns nah swear and then you must be a perv like sponge knob square nuts
yeah
Ryan Creamer 20:11 so coming out of the gate hot
Alice Vaughn 20:12 yes so this is our intro to the episode I give them credit for creativity and for using a fairly similar rhyming scheme and well anytime would rock it does one of these things I always wonder how the fuck do they not get sued or do they just contact the creators and say already porn yeah like they use so much of the already porn law yeah I love that there's law about parody for
Ryan Creamer 20:35 the intro also gives you like a you get a taste of what you're in for with the whole costuming which when in your episode talking to Lee last time it sounds like very intentionally is like how can we make this look just like I do understand the business or just like the appeal of like, Yeah, we got to make this look like
Yvette d'Entremont 20:54 Yeah, yeah, mission accomplished. I described him as looking like have you seen those old movies movies where they have the moon and it's supposed to look like cheese. Yeah, that's what SpongeBob looks like in this except his eyes were kind of dark where they didn't get all the yellow into the cracks of it. He looked kind of like uncle fester cross with the old moon made of cheese. Yes. Oh, that's actually a perfect description. And it's like, if that isn't getting the picture across just google a picture you're gonna be like, oh man, that's a horrifyingly accurate description.
Ryan Creamer 21:24 It really is. The circles that I guess are just normally holes on a sponge look very like lesion II and like, infected.
Alice Vaughn 21:32 Yeah, yeah, he's got himself some leprosy or are cozies lesions or something? I'm just saying maybe they didn't get testing done on this one. No. I have to say though, again, Anthony Rosano really committed to the voice he did. We start with SpongeBob he's greeting everything like he would in the show. Very SpongeBob esque. You know? What a beautiful morning. Good morning Bikini Bottom. Actually, Can anyone hear to the SpongeBob voice? Let's see. I'll give it a go. Now. No, I don't think I can I think it's good morning. No, I can do it Patrick but everyone could do it so SpongeBob but no it's not in my work at
Ryan Creamer 22:10 it. Okay, so the whole thing I couldn't even get close I
Alice Vaughn 22:12 can do the laugh probably but that's creepy as shit. That hold it but you know Good morning Bikini Bottom Good morning pillow Good morning bed Good morning fish painting Good morning nightstand Good morning pants and good morning good looking. Love it and then SpongeBob has a little bit of a crisis. He does it seems he's very sad. He is all all alone.
Ryan Creamer 22:35 Yeah, it goes from very happy to very bleak very quickly.
Alice Vaughn 22:38 His life is just in shambles, because he's all alone for a day and he might be all alone. Forever. is no one to play with. No Mr. Krabs don't Patrick No. Squidward No, Gary. And here's where I thought we were gonna get a masturbation scene because he's Yeah, so I guess I'll just have to play with myself. And that would have been interesting because when you see the actual arms in there So there's no way he could even clap I don't think he could have reached. I was hoping for a fleshlight that he would just like thrust into or something fucking a fish I'm waiting for that. There could have been a glory hole with the big mouth bass Matt Liebe we need you on this. We had a guest on who fucked a big mouth bass. The Singing fish. We all have weird masturbation stories. Ryan, what's yours? Oh, wow,
Ryan Creamer 23:24 well, I've actually fucked two basses at the same time.
Alice Vaughn 23:28 Well wait with which
Ryan Creamer 23:30 parts which parts of the bass I stitch them together like human centipede style? Yes.
Alice Vaughn 23:36 You had that much stick to throw in. Oh yeah, exactly. Okay, okay, we were picking up What?
Ryan Creamer 23:42 Wait So wait, what was this person's experience I need to hear about what fucking officiously
Alice Vaughn 23:46 you need to listen to our episode The Big Lebowski. Okay, I can't do it any justice. I'm sorry. I think it was just it was there to be fucked and he was was he a teenage boy. Young adolescent look when you're like in your 10, elevens, like, you're gonna fuck anything. I have stuck stuff in places that should not have been stopped. I'm saying, I'm putting it out there, there are things you do when you're younger and you're first like your body is getting those hormones and things are feeling things and you're like, Look, I'm not proud of these things. And I'm not admitting to any of them. He admitted to them, which makes it puppy.
Ryan Creamer 24:23 He was 1011 when he did it.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:25 I don't know exactly how many but you don't remember Sure. old enough to get an erection and young enough not to know better.
Ryan Creamer 24:31 It's very funny because that's such an item that it's like your parents or whoever's in your home is gonna be like, Where's the fish I bought?
That's an item that will be accounted for. I feel
Yvette d'Entremont 24:41 like that's one of those items that your father will be like, because the mom doesn't buy that the dad does is one of those items that you're not gonna be like, where'd that fish go? And mom's gonna be like, oh, we'll find it someday, honey.
Ryan Creamer 24:53 Yeah, that's some day. 40 days later, old rotten fish is found.
Alice Vaughn 24:58 Come smell emitting Oh, just a reminder clean out your flashlights? Yes. Oh yeah, this is a podcast that tells people clean your sex toys. We've talked about the fact that we're going to write our first book and it's going to be called wash your junk. Sure. Instead we're going to do it as a kit. It's going to look like a book it's going to have Tommy pistol on the cover. It's going to be the Tommy pistol approved wash your junk kit and it's just going to be wet wipes and grooming materials. Tommy have quote, you know, some sort of a quote from saying, gentlemen, this is why the ladies like my junk.
Ryan Creamer 25:30 So what wipes is the move right? Like that's just the way to do it.
Alice Vaughn 25:34 If you are in a pinch and you have not had time to shower directly before trying to stick your penis into your partner's mouth. Oh, wet towel, anything something to get the smell of the day off of that area because then ladies come on. We're not going to leave you out to wash your jug. If you want him to go down. Have it smell like roses. Well not actually roses. Don't stuff roses in there. I've tried to Do my tastes weird was it thorny? Or was it just was it the leaves leaves? Yeah,
Ryan Creamer 26:05 the thorns were fine the leaves is what you don't want
Alice Vaughn 26:07 masochism is cool but fuck bro man no no none of that. Yeah this is why we call it wash your junk not wash your dick
Ryan Creamer 26:15 so wet wipes for toys as well right
Alice Vaughn 26:16 no for toys you need to sterilize they have special sprays. Depending on the composition of toy, you don't want to damage it if you want to keep it for a long time metal silicone rubber there are different whatever your toy is please look up the proper cleaning instructions for it because we would like you to not get the types of all the different types of infections you can get in your various types of junk please be responsible with your parts. We want you to have fun with them. Ladies, we know you love your Hitachi but it also loves a bath or a clean Yeah, it needs some sanitation
Ryan Creamer 26:48 do some people puts them in the dishwasher or is that something that no one does. I have
Yvette d'Entremont 26:52 heard that with the silicone toys. I also suggest cleaning your dishwasher before doing this.
Ryan Creamer 26:58 Yeah, that certain point is just like okay, now cleaning everything.
Alice Vaughn 27:02 There are cleansers that are specifically made for it. I mean, you can never go wrong with like the silicone ones are pretty damn good at not falling apart. I mean, I've cleaned mine with Lysol before. If you're hearing that and telling me that I'm a horrible person or that I'm going to destroy my vagina, please email me. But I'll clean it with Lysol and then of course wash it off and clean it more gentle cleanser, but you know, you can't go wrong with killing all the micro bits on something that's pretty indestructible. Sure, I'm sure we're gonna have a whole episode on just cleaning your toys for Attica. Yeah, yeah. Proper toy cleaning etiquette, especially if you're someone who's going to use that toy if you are a multi partnered person. What is the etiquette for toy cleaning? Other than just putting a condom on it? We're going to get an expert on so let's get back to the porn. Yeah, this is our show tangents
Ryan Creamer 27:47 just bouncing off that do you think SpongeBob is like a clean? Do you think his dick is clean? Like canonically?
Alice Vaughn 27:52 No, because sponges are filter creatures and so they have all sorts of things flowing through them. However, I think he's at stasis with the ocean at this point. Sure. So he's probably about as sturdy as his surroundings. I also have personal problems because sponges are able to reproduce asexually through budding as I mentioned earlier on, so fun sciency fact because I know some of you guys came for the science on the show, of course, why wouldn't you come to a port and podcast for the science, but that's where a small piece of a sponge is broken off and we'll still be able to survive and grow into another sponge. sponges are also able to repair damage to their bodies that way, so makes it ideal to survive in water, but if he's a loofa, he needs to reproduce via being planted. Oh shit, so he is trying to plant his seed and Sandy appropriately. Also, most sponges are both male and female. So long story short, sometimes male sponges will release sperm into the water that would travel and enter a feet quote, female sponge, but again, they could be either I mean, SpongeBob could have Technically reproduced with himself he didn't need a slutty squirrel. I see nothing wrong with fucking a sled a squirrel if you're a sled, a sponge and everyone can sense like, you know, I don't know what the rules are for cross species insemination in the animal outside of the human kingdom. I just I want them to find love however it works for those kids. Totally. They seem to be happy I want that I want to let them beat up or at least they seem to be SpongeBob seem to be happy with the outcome so to speak. Sure, so we beat Sandy and you want me to do what SpongeBob give me a sponge baby Sandy have a baby with you. And she weren't eating babies runs in our family. Okay, I was looking into that. Do squirrels IE babies cuz some critters like that do eat babies. This is another full tangent that I'm pretty sure I spent a couple hours on because we like continuity are poor and we want this to be scientifically accurate should be yes. So it's not technically accurate. I mean, according to research from University of Alberta biologists, in years where food is abundant for squirrels, males will kill off the young of rival males. So basically what they call sexually selected infanticide. Damn. Holy shit. I didn't know if it was a thing that was across the genus family either way of rodentia but I had hamsters growing up and we had one that was stillborn. And that one was a snack for the mother. Oh, yeah. I learned about the circle of life at the age of seven when I brought a pregnant hamster home from the pet store. Suddenly, where we had one hamster I had six, five and a snack.
Yeah, so definitely, hamsters, birds, fish, insects, bugs, pigs, snakes, even some primates, they will eat their next generation. And it sounds counterproductive considering the whole point of no reproduction is having your genes passed on and continuing that next gen But it's sometimes a successful strategy because like hamsters, we've kind of determined it's a form of population control. So for example, an average hamster will have eight to nine pups, a two on average. And apparently scientists have even tried, hey, what if we add more to the litter, she'll eat them. She'll eat for that on average. So what they think is happening is by removing a few pups, so what you're saying is that the Octomom is a fucking hero for not eating some of those cats.
Ryan Creamer 31:30 Yes, we can all agree on that.
Alice Vaughn 31:31 We were all shocked. She didn't eat them. Let's be honest. Yes. Like at least two of them to those kids have to be fucking annoying. Like, I don't know which ones but like, that's got to be a thing. No one's follow it up. Are they still there? We don't know. So especially with her not that long ago. She's doing pretty well. Good for her. That's the entire Octomom tangent going back to hamsters for a hot second. So it suggests that basically eating the young might give enough nourishment so she could provide for the survivors so yay, cannibalism, but also sure number situations, animals will eat their young to like, kind of beat the predator to it's like, oh, if you're gonna eat my own, I might as well do it. I might protect other members of their pack while they get away. Yes. Or if they want to reproduce, they're like, Well, you know, all these eggs have hatched but like these few having so and I want to, you know, get raunchy, so I'm gonna eat these like eggs that are my babies and just so I could get party and have fun again. So what we're saying is cannibalism is cool. If you're a hamster, please don't do it. If you're a human or a snake or bird or insect. Basically, most critters will like it because every so often like you'll see a meme on Facebook. It's like, we're the only creatures that do all these bad things to each other. I'm like, Oh, really, because biology says otherwise. Biology says that the animal kingdom is awful to each other.
Ryan Creamer 32:49 Yeah, this is probably why Sandy went to the ocean. She's like, I gotta get the fuck out of like, this environment where I'm gonna get eaten.
Alice Vaughn 32:56 You know what, maybe there was a vengeful squirrel. That was sad that she She was not eaten as a runt pup knows. And she was like I just need to make myself a little spacesuit and go float down to Bikini Bottom Good for her. She was wearing a bikini bottom which I appreciated So Ryan Yes Do you want to hear some fun scroll facts do I ever that's why I came on this let's go Did you know that female squirrels could be considered highly promiscuous? Wait
Unknown Speaker 33:21 What does it mean could be considered so
Alice Vaughn 33:23 what's the difference between could be considered and are highly yeah
Ryan Creamer 33:26 who was like I don't want to go full out but I will say we couldn't make the argument
Alice Vaughn 33:32 are they having like a one night stand once in a while like are their numbers just a little above average? like is this conservative Christians consider them slutty or just like an average person cuz I need to know I need fat. slut shaming squirrels. No, I am not encouraging squirrels. I want more more genetic diversity amongst them so fuck away squirrels. Two girls one mic the podcast that brings you fun Animal Facts you really didn't want to hear. We should get Dr. Karen Bogner on here she does wild sex this series that talks about sex in the animal kingdom. I learned from her that the barnacle compared to body size has the largest penis in the animal kingdom. For those Well, you're talking about Danny DeVito, right? It's almost as big as dread. Oh, our performer that we're having on next week love it. So what I mean by that is a apparently well rarely breed with the same male squirrel again, okay, on top of that, the mother will have a litter of babies. But here's the thing that I found really interesting. The babies when she has a litter will have a number of different fathers. So the average litter size could be three to five but there could be two or more fathers kids and that's so freakin crazy because it is crazy like the genes are gonna be different. That technically could happen in humans with twins depending on the time differential between the sexing and I read this forever ago it's possible to eggs released different sperm and that these things are rare but they I want to know if this has happened but I mean it's definitely it is improbable, but it is plausible
Ryan Creamer 35:05 alright My favorite part about all this is the guy with the clipboard running around watching squirrels fucking being like okay that was a different guy but at the same girl out in the woods like a maniac
Alice Vaughn 35:15 someone's running squirrel DNA and being like you are not the father. What Fuck this shit. I knew it you bet like this is happening with squirrels. There's more a somewhere out there for squirrels he might be comparing him by a testicle size because male squirrels do have enormous testicles really is true. Yeah,
Ryan Creamer 35:33 that seems very easily Google a bowl and I could do it right now probably check out some squirrel, testes real quick
Alice Vaughn 35:38 squirrel nuts, a male cape ground squirrels, their scrotum could be about 20% of its body life. Fun fact. Holy shit. Here's my question. Because we have a female squirrel on this. How does the female squirrel vagina stack up compared to all she has to take from the male squirrel? like is this like a duck that's gonna be fucked to death? Or is this An animal that's going to be comfortable. Great question. I've never thought about the comfort and safety of a female squirrel being fucked. You know what you brought up the balls. I had to bring up the shaft
Ryan Creamer 36:10 and the rest of the situation find these pictures of these scroll testes look like Photoshop. Like this is crazy. They're big as hell.
Yvette d'Entremont 36:19 You know what else has giant balls that I've seen live and in person and I was not I don't know if horrified is the word but kind of like I almost wanted to applaud kangaroos really. They are gigantic. They hang in such a way that you're like, how do they not? It seems like such a little thread and then these giant balls and you're like, how have you not been in an industrial accident like that was had to go to Australia for a few work trips and every time I'm like, I need to go see kangaroos. Got to see the notes. Gotta go see the nads again. So speaking of dads, we have a porn. Oh, yes. We do our tangent. So let's see. So Sandy's first concern is how are we going to do this? I can't breathe underwater.
Ryan Creamer 36:57 Yeah, but luckily SpongeBob comes back saying I'm a sponge and I'm full of air. So as long as you keep sucking on me you will be able to breathe.
Alice Vaughn 37:05 Oh, science. I've had dumber pickup lines work on me before so you know SpongeBob you know, in my younger days, it might have worked.
Ryan Creamer 37:16 This is a life support system if you suck my dick.
Alice Vaughn 37:20 his dick will keep you going when an airplane is going down. So I'm going down.
Ryan Creamer 37:26 Yeah, there it is. Yeah, there we go. Now then she starts but has her helmet on. She tries to start sucking his dick
Yvette d'Entremont 37:33 which is weird because while they were talking her helmet was up like could be right. Could you not have stuck a microphone? I want to know this genuinely like did they try to stick a little microphone up there? And it was echoey. Like, yes, they put the helmet down and she was like, I can't get this dick and through the helmet really Sandy were shocks shocks that object could not pet it and so she takes the helmet
Ryan Creamer 37:57 off. I do think everyone can relate to that though. We've all had tried to have sex with a helmet on and then realize it's not as practical as we thought it would have had that
Alice Vaughn 38:05 we've actually had this discussion multiple times about having sex with
Unknown Speaker 38:09 helmets odd Really?
Yvette d'Entremont 38:10 Because how do you do POV sex without someone wearing a helmet with a camera? Oh right right did cam addict cam that's the thing people do.
Ryan Creamer 38:19 Sure. Now is that just like a strap with a GoPro or is it like a true like fucking
Alice Vaughn 38:24 you know what I haven't looked into it but I'm sure someone has to have a helmet for some of the straps you have a helmet with a GoPro you use for sex please email us at info to girls at Mike calm house. I work it out. We want to know and if you have just a helmet for a sec, still email us no cameras.
It's if whatever you're doing involves you need a helmet. I need to try this. I am missing something from my toy collection. Look, I have knee pads. I'm just saying I was a volleyball player to Alice. We don't need to bring that in. So anyways, so the progress The dialogue is going on you Sandy you like that sponge knob? I do not says spongy now. It's just
Ryan Creamer 39:08 which that's also a line that everyone should say during sex is your heart now you are no longer spongy.
Yvette d'Entremont 39:13 I'm gonna use it on my husband and see how it works out. Maybe your dick is no longer mine mushy. Funny. Yeah, it's I so often describe Dix as sponging
Ryan Creamer 39:24 Yeah. So I think in porn in general, yeah. People should comment on flash addicts more and be like lookout softer you used to be.
Alice Vaughn 39:32 It's just like a loofa right now. It's just like a loofah you fell apart in my hands like sand before I need a pumice stone baby. I need a softened pumice stone. I need marble. I need marble. There we go marble or graded. Oh, and then while he's being blown, we flashed to his face multiple times. Creepy. Come on. It's with the like we said with the moon and the uncle fester it's just yellow uncle fester face That's essentially what you have. Yeah, you know what the dark eyes that look like he hasn't seen the sun in 27,000 years. Like there's just, there's something very weird about the whole thing and he I mean, to be fair, it means that the actress playing Sandy is giving him a great fucking blowjob and he can sit there and concentrate on his pleasure through that goddamn costume. Totally like that had to be hot and uncomfortable. Let's talk about this costume for a second and how this penis is sticking out of the cost. Yes, it's crazy. I am curious how big his dick I was I was gonna say that we missing part of it because it's it's still a sizable I'm not saying it's the same deck that we saw from the POV point of view in The Simpsons porn that we reviewed the other week and that was pretty damn big. Same dick it's the costume. Oh
Ryan Creamer 40:45 yeah, the costumes definitely cutting off like some significant dick is like a good chunk of space with between his like base of dick and like your Square Pants.
Alice Vaughn 40:55 We didn't hit payload. Yeah. And I mean, it was only a blowjob for the test. minutes that we had. So it's lackluster, I would say at best because you can do everything you want. No, they change positions from what she's blowing him she Oh, and let's talk about this. And the tail. Yeah. She says, Do you want to see my tail? I sure do. So that's the closest I can get to them. I'm sure I can get it a little higher and a little more nasal.
Is that it was close. Wait, I'm gonna send you a line and I need you to read it. It's gonna come in the chat. Hold on.
Ryan Creamer 41:31 Was the tail part of the underwear or was it we're
Alice Vaughn 41:34 going to have a beautiful sponge baby. I don't know how close that is. It is Yep, there are no because I can never tell my own voice. But I believe and I'm not gonna say how I know this kind of information. I believe the tail was a butt plug. No, it wasn't. It wasn't You don't think so? No, I know. So okay, I want it to be a butt plug. That's why I was disappointed. Okay, I'm very sad. Now Yeah, if you watch the behind the scenes Damn it, they had an opportunity there. Exactly. They could showcase some really good toys with her but there's a good button to it was but what they did was they took just a regular tail and they clipped it to the back of the bug portion of her bikini of her song. And that's all it was. You can see it in the behind the scenes on what rocket comm they do a behind the scenes of this specific porn. And I watched it and I was so disappointed when I did not see an angel plug that was a squirrel tail. I'm just saying. Ladies, if your partner watches anime porn, there's a good chance he is seeing these characters that they lovingly refer to as the kitty girls. surprise him with a butt plug with the tail coming out of it. He will not be sad, that's all
Ryan Creamer 42:51 what have you is really sad. Sad is a very funny reaction to it just like Oh, you got me. Oh wait,
Alice Vaughn 42:57 what if like his cat just died. Ladies surprise him.
Yvette d'Entremont 43:02 It's all be your new kid. He doesn't miss you. Yeah, that's good. Well, maybe consider the timing
Ryan Creamer 43:10 Sure. Don't do it. I'd say go for it but not right when your beloved ones cat has just died.
Alice Vaughn 43:16 I feel it's a caveat that comes up every you know, five to 20 years though, depending on how many cats you have like we have to take into apart the cat calculus. This is getting very weird now.
Ryan Creamer 43:26 Now what else happened in the behind the scenes stuff? Because I did not see that
Alice Vaughn 43:29 there wasn't too much. You saw how the costume was being put on. You saw Anthony being painted. He saw the female her tail being attached and asked about you know, how do you feel about fucking SpongeBob? Which, what does she say? I mean, it's definitely an experience. She never thought her career would bring her to this point. But I mean, I've never thought my career would bring me to reviewing pornography. Yeah, I was a respected science communicator. And now I'm a respected science communicator who talks about poured on the side. Let's go see happen. So towards the end you have SpongeBob. Who do you guys know what he said when he was coming? Because I wrote a town. Oh, that is the worst part of the whole thing in my eyes because
I think I've got the tone now.
Ryan Creamer 44:15 Nailed it just in time. Yeah, he definitely says blast off when he's orgasming. That's
Alice Vaughn 44:21 a sandy I'll say it. You came outside of me. How are we supposed to have a baby now? Well, maybe we can adopt then.
Ryan Creamer 44:30 So this is a big trick sponge knob is like a master deceivers. It trichter
Alice Vaughn 44:36 you jt tricker or did he come before he expected? It seemed like you said beforehand that there was indication from him that he was going to come. It could have been deception, but he was talking to himself about what to do today. True before she came in, so I don't think it was deception. I love that we're getting into the mind of a sponge right now. Yeah, what is this guy's motive? Well in part two SpongeBob does have sex in the costume with a squirrel? So it could have been done
Ryan Creamer 45:05 I saw that one too and it's funny because when they were doing I felt like the actors were like kind of on their sleeve wearing like, oh cool it's actually like working like I don't know if they thought that like physically it would be able to work so I did get a vibe of like, all right like this is actually working which is very funny. Oh, I
Alice Vaughn 45:21 can bang in this giant monstrosity right? I have to say though, because I shouldn't spoil it because we need to you haven't watched the sequel at event? No, I haven't. It's also done by wood rocket and it has Tommy pistol and anta witches and has Patrick. Oh, is that Who? Oh my god. That's gonna be great. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 45:39 he was so good.
Alice Vaughn 45:40 q i was watching the porn and texting Tommy because
Ryan Creamer 45:44 who did Patrick really well, he did the voice really well. And he just like amazing, clearly improvised choices in character that were just like, very funny.
Alice Vaughn 45:52 I couldn't stop laughing while he was having sex with someone and sometimes we fast forward through these because the sex is just sex. But like, he threw in so many good lines said, yeah, it's the dirty secret of the porn reviewer. We don't watch all the fucking we watched most of it, but I watched like 60% 70% when you can scroll and you're like, yep, I see they're still just gone doing it. It's just still dick going in at the same angle. Oh, they change positions like that.
Ryan Creamer 46:20 Yes, I'll do that general porn scrubbing technique in general. I feel like it's like as until position is changed like I'm not going to stop scrub.
Alice Vaughn 46:28 I have realized so I can watch porn at two times a speed interesting. I feel like for some parts that would make it better honestly for the SpongeBob poured Yes. It would just make SpongeBob sounds sponge Bobby or
Ryan Creamer 46:42 you know like impossibly like dog pitch level like can't be heard by the human ear. Or do you just watch like these at two times speed don't like on your for personal pleasure watch porn at twice the speed do
Alice Vaughn 46:54 not yet. I should try one day. Yeah,
Ryan Creamer 46:58 no, I was just yeah, no
Alice Vaughn 46:59 now I'm curious. I need to do that one day. Well, you know what, tomorrow's a new day. Yeah. Or tonight? Why not? There's always a time you can do it's a time a place sometimes in the subway at work. The self driving I mean, your mom's house.
Ryan Creamer 47:13 Yep. These are all I think the top five spots to do it. I
Alice Vaughn 47:16 mean, behind the bush if you're really desperate. So Ryan, what did you learn from this porn?
Ryan Creamer 47:21 Great question. I learned the value of committing to a character. I think the actors that were in this you got to give it up for him because this is in terms of acting commitment, you're they're not getting the chops they deserve this is takes a lot of commitment. And it's something that I think most normal people out in the street if you asked for like, I couldn't step up to the plate and do this, so I have a lot of respect for it. And then I also learned that obviously sponges reproduce by budding so there's a plot hole in a big way. And I learned that it was all a trick. It was kind of
Alice Vaughn 47:53 a piece part loofa then he came from a fucking tree and he's full of shit. So dear reader, we don't know If we have ruined or enhanced your childhood today if you have deep thoughts on sponge knobs square balls Smith SpongeBob SquarePants getting a blowjob, let us know where we're still deciding on our thoughts on this. Mainly because I think between the voice and the face, the uncle fester II face like it was amusing, but films like this do make me sit there and go Yeah, of course these people are professional fuckers, because I would not be able to give a blowjob without accidentally clamping down from laughing if the person in front of me, was it a goddamn SpongeBob costume so don't you dare say these people aren't actors. This was amazing. Oh, and apparently Anthony Rosano those shoes. Those on character SpongeBob shoes for his Really? Yeah, I love everything. That's great. Once in a while the universe is perfect.
Ryan Creamer 48:53 And that universe is now during sponge. Bob Square nuts.
Yvette d'Entremont 48:56 At least for today. Things are good.
Ryan Creamer 48:58 So Ryan, where can our listeners find you listeners can find me on pornhub.com I'm also on Twitter. You can find me there. My handle is at rye guy guy rye. If you go to those spots, you'll find me elsewhere. Those are the key spots.
Alice Vaughn 49:10 And Brian is also a writer for College Humor. So go check out College Humor there. They amused me so they should probably like it's like I'm a sick fuck and you guys enjoy me so go enjoy them too awesome. And by the way, we have some patrons to think this week because I feel like we've submitted you guys to like two weeks straight of like, fucking yellow jaundice porn. We owe us some humans. So the humans that support us and by the way, you can support us to@patreon.com slash two girls one Mike, because we send out microphones we get guests on the show. We didn't pay for hosting and websites and a lot of stuff that's really unnecessary, but you listen to us so we pay for our porn to we need money to keep the lights on for this thing. I'm pretty sure my lights are almost off at this. Well, I don't even have lights on right now. But Have daylight it's dark right San Francisco for the wind. So here's some Patreon said we want to thank Aaron Mayo Amanda Potter Cole Andrew Gore, Bob Dole Bob Medford, Carl, Christa frollo, Craig Elliott, David bolak grin Shriver James Overton, Jeff Peterson, Michael trolling Joshua rice john wing and gall john Redford, Mr. Danks, Nathan dingli, rowdy Samuel Jennings, Tracy Miller, and so many more. So yeah, and you can find us I'm rational blonde on Twitter. So at rational blonde, and you could find Yvette at the cyber babe on Instagram and Twitter and@facebook.com slash sigh babe and of course my website is Sai babe calm because it'd be throwing off makeup on me I am halfway fuckable so and if you throw enough makeup on me, I can become SpongeBob if it's yellow. So come check us out. support us on Patreon. We love you guys. Thanks for hanging out with us while we discuss pornography and I'm just getting blowjobs.
Yeah. All right, well,
Unknown Speaker 51:04 see you guys next week.
Unknown Speaker 51:06 Bye boy
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
22 Oct 2020
#110- Cam Girlfriend
01:02:23
Alice & Yvette are joined by adult actress Lily LaBeau (@LiLYLABEAU) to review American Horror Story's porn parody! The fem trio discuss working in parodies, lesbian crushes, recognizing dicks, exorcisms, psychics, conjoined twins, calling your friends sluts, Portland, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian and world record holder, Aaron Berg (@aaronbergcomedy) to review the Jersey Shore porn parody. The trio talk about Guidos, Jersey, stripper stories, godfather references, and how to get out of jail using COVID.
Drop and give us 20...pumps that is. This week Samantha Mac (@TheSamanthaMack), founder of Porno Bootcamp whips Alice and Yvette into shape on all topics bootcamp related, fidget spinner buttplugs, dresses banned on social media, voar, body positivity, and washing your junk.
Yvette d'Entremont 0:09 Welcome to two girls one Mic the porn cast that once you're addicted, get down and give us 20 of your cover. See that dawn Travon, here's my lovely fabulous co host who is having a fantastic hair day Alice Vaughn Alice, how the fuck are you doing today? Baby?
Alice Vaughn 0:24 I feel like I'm having a fantastic like cleavage day too, because even though Can you
Yvette d'Entremont 0:28 stand up a bit, I need to I need to evaluate this as your co host and lesbian life partner if we were lesbians. That is a good cleavage day.
Alice Vaughn 0:38 I'll give you we will sell mine Louie says but without the
Yvette d'Entremont 0:41 death into the sunset. It's hetero life, mate. We're each other's Jay and Silent Bob. Except it's more like occasionally you interrupt me more than once to say no ticket. Oh, but uh, yeah, I mean, even though I'm part of the itty bitty titty club. I find that what's nice about having the top of a 12 year old ballerina girl, my boobs are gonna be working till I'm like 40. Right? I want to say maybe I am likewise, like now that with the amount of weight loss, they're like, they're not quite filling up my big cups anymore. But I'm like, you know what, they're not going to be in my socks. But there are advantages to all size movies and all movies that I've seen in my life. They're just all different flowers of joy. But they're just, they're wonderful. I have never had a complaint about a boob that I have seen in my life.
Alice Vaughn 1:27 I've never heard someone complain about boobs. What kind of person is now don't have that person in your life.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:33 You know what, here's the thing. I think I went until like my late 20s being uncomfortable with my boobs. I know it's hard on women like that. Like we see certain sizes and shapes to them. And we're told these are the good boobs. And then something something magical happens that eventually you realize, oh, there's not a boob type that men like, it's just boobs. They are good. They're all what it's you see enough of them and you go I like those. I also like that they are very different. I like them exactly. And then you realize eventually I have good boobs too.
Alice Vaughn 2:01 So we have a guest today who has voluptuous breasts, though who
Yvette d'Entremont 2:04 has amazing boobs speaking of boobs, she has enough boobs for the three of us combined, but it's pretty amazing to watch them on her herself. We have a legend on today and I was so excited when I watched a brief documentary and her advice about her porno boot cab Alice, let's introduce our guest today.
Alice Vaughn 2:24 Today on the show we have Samantha Mack and Samantha actually, the porno boot camp is exactly how I heard about you. I think Tommy retweeted it. It was shot by Vice Canada. Yep, sure was. So how did this whole thing come about? Well, a long
Samantha Mac 2:40 time ago. I was working with a director called Anna Lee. She's not called Emily, her name is Emily. And she she needed
Yvette d'Entremont 2:50 new to never tell with porn. It might be a porn name. Actually.
Samantha Mac 2:55 She needed a new talent and we have a lot of people applying who didn't have a lot of experience and She kind of voluntold me that I was doing porno boot camp so she sent a couple to me. She's like, go see Sam. She works with amateurs. She runs like a porno boot camp and she'll help you get the skills you need to get hired. And so I didn't want to make her out to be a liar. So I was like, Yeah, come on over.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:19 Interesting thing for a friend to wholeheartedly trust you with she will make your dick better. That is it. I
Samantha Mac 3:28 didn't want to make her a liar. So I had to be true so she is
Unknown Speaker 3:31 the dick better upper like who is a whisper?
Yvette d'Entremont 3:38 You need business cards that say that right, Sam back tech whisperer.
Alice Vaughn 3:42 I will make you those business cards. Just send me your Actually I have your mailing address. I'll send you just like 500 a day.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:51 Yes, just to clarify, we're saying this all because we love what you do. This is just incredible to us and we dig it so much.
Alice Vaughn 3:58 Yeah, cuz we review porn. All the time. But you know, we've always kind of wanted to know a little bit more behind the scenes of what training is involved why certain men are cut out for the job and some men just aren't. And you know, watching the porno boot camp which will absolutely link in the show notes for all of
Yvette d'Entremont 4:19 us have to watch this. It's like I want to see more behind the scenes on this like this has made me have so many more questions. Yeah, these guys just at one point, there's just kind of a challenge like the big thing of a video is there's a challenge of getting through eight minutes of being blown without coming and you know, getting through all the distraction like it's like you're getting blown by the best women in the industry. Can you handle it? I'm like, this is a reality show waiting to happen. How is rupert murdoch not jumped on this. I'm a horrible person that I know
Alice Vaughn 4:50 it. Okay. Well, I mean, if that roger ailes jumped on it, that's how all the Fox News women were hired. Let's be
Yvette d'Entremont 4:57 honest, if hell exists They're all right. But I will have friends
Alice Vaughn 5:02 if the Fox News headquarters exists this challenge also exists there too.
Unknown Speaker 5:07 Oh my god.
Yvette d'Entremont 5:11 I'm gonna get a phone call from Fox info two girls one Mike is where you should send all hate mail By the way, where we will totally respond to it as though we care.
Alice Vaughn 5:21 So, Sam, how hard is it for a guy while getting blown to come to the as close to the eight minute mark as possible.
Samantha Mac 5:30 So what you see in the vice documentary is what we consider level two. There's like 13 courses, but what you saw was level two he's
Yvette d'Entremont 5:38 like beat the first boss. He's on to the next castle.
Samantha Mac 5:41 Yes. And then in the end you have to fight Kim Koopa
Yvette d'Entremont 5:46 right, what's King Koopa I got it. It's my vagina. I would have thought like more that not that your vagina is not sufficient. I would have thought like it would have been a triple Angel thing or something like that. But like, but you know what? That is a tall mountain to climb. I am impressed.
Samantha Mac 6:01 I'm only half joking on that,
Alice Vaughn 6:02 that when you just rename it King fuba
Samantha Mac 6:08 I'm stealing that you're allowed. I love it. That is perfect. But ya know, we, we start off with the guys coming in and just doing like a solo interview with us. And then we do a timed like a one on one timed handjob to see if they can come at the eight minute mark and the eight minute mark is less than half of what's actually required. So we start them off really easy because what we've noticed is a lot of guys last but fastest guy was 35 seconds. The average is between three and six minutes. Or we get the opposite end of the spectrum where a guy cannot come in like an hour they get a one hour time slot to ask all their questions, fill out all the paperwork and if they cannot finish within one hour, then we're like you need to go home and practice like watch some porn
Yvette d'Entremont 6:54 figure out what will get you there mentally and then they
Samantha Mac 6:57 get to go to what we call musical decks which was what was In the vice documentary was a musical dexis session, and the vice documentary was the first time we allowed talent to give oral pleasure. It used to only be handjobs. But for the vice documentary, we wanted to spice it up a little bit. So we allowed girls to use their mouths or everyone was tested so they could use any parts of their bodies to distract the
Yvette d'Entremont 7:22 audience's sake. Explain a little bit what musical Dix entails. Oh, yeah.
Samantha Mac 7:28 Okay, so if you guys haven't seen the video musical Dix is really fun, enticed them
Yvette d'Entremont 7:31 into wanting to see this video, which is you guys have to see this even with a description you have to see this. Here's
Alice Vaughn 7:36 a kicker, you still play the musical song Pop goes the weasel.
Samantha Mac 7:42 So musical dicks evolved because Okay, we've been doing this for three years. So all the different versions of partner bootcamp have evolved because we've seen either problems or areas where we can get better and we've changed it. So musical dicks started. Because a lot of guys were coming to partner bootcamp just because they wanted to get their dinkytown Not because they want to be performers. And so by putting a bunch of naked men in the room side by side, you we know who wants to perform and who's actually trying hard versus who just wants to drink touched. So that's where musical dicks came from. It was just me like, I don't want to be naked in a room with another guy. And we're like, well, then get out, get
Yvette d'Entremont 8:18 out. Because
Samantha Mac 8:19 there are gonna be men in the room. When you get to a porn set. There's a boom mic and a camera person, a director and somebody running around making sure there's enough lube for everyone and you know, you're probably at somebody else's location. So the owners usually there or there's a manager like it's there's a lot of people behind the scenes somebody holding up a reflector to make sure the light is right on the table. You really got to get in there. Oh, yeah. And if we're shooting multiple scenes a day, the other talents usually sitting in the background watching, like silently cheering you on. So there can be 10 people behind the scenes for a three person scene. So that's why we created musical decks. You have to be comfortable in a room with other people, both men and women. There's no room for homophobia whatsoever. So the guys lined up, and you usually have more guys than girls. That's the trick. And girl picks a partner. And for one minute you do whatever you can to your partner to get them to ejaculate. And their job is to wait until they hear the buzzer to ejaculate. So no
Unknown Speaker 9:14 matter what you do, no matter how in the men have consented to this, of course, yes.
Samantha Mac 9:18 Oh, yeah, we have a 90 minute consent talk beforehand. We fill out a code of conduct form. We have huge interviews that you see beforehand,
Yvette d'Entremont 9:26 do they have things they can sign off that are off limits for them? Yes,
Samantha Mac 9:29 everybody. Okay, everybody goes through a giant consent talk. So that's not in the vice documentary because it's boring. Yeah. But it's very important
Yvette d'Entremont 9:36 things. It's good for our audience to know that Yeah, consent
Samantha Mac 9:38 and Code of Conduct are the two main things like the bulk of our time is talking about, like what you're okay with, and we always ask, Does your wife or girlfriend know you're here?
Yvette d'Entremont 9:48 Get the fuck out? I wouldn't even have thought to ask that. But it makes total sense. Yeah, you're trying to keep an ethical group there, which is have you ever had a wife or girlfriend show up screaming?
Samantha Mac 9:58 Not Through porno boot camp in previous years, like going back 10 years, I would have wives or girlfriends or boyfriends or husbands call me and be like, I want that video taken down. I don't want my boyfriend to have done this. And I'm like, Whoa, like he didn't even tell me like he applied, or he paid for the position or, like, that's why we bring it up right away. And I was like, if you have any secrets, if it is important for you to have no one know that you had your bits touched by me or anyone in my production, then you should not be here because the internet will tell them. Yeah, so we're very upfront.
Alice Vaughn 10:33 Oh, the internet has no secrets.
Yvette d'Entremont 10:34 No, your junk is forever. Yeah, I did a tiny little bit of latex modeling and the pictures were online and years later, I went into writing about science for a living and people who didn't like one of my articles, but lasted those pictures and eventually I was just like, fuck it. I looked great. Yeah, but like people attach a meeting and what they want onto that and you're forevermore that person who had their dick out
Alice Vaughn 10:57 8 million people have seen me Come on a motor bunny. So Proud of you, including my dad.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:02 Hey, that was a great orgasm and they enjoyed it and so did you. My parents were so not proud of me, but
Samantha Mac 11:09 it's okay. Oh my God, my parents are my biggest fan. Is that weird? I don't wish my parents like help me decorate the studio.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:15 Nice. Awesome. My mom knows I swear Fred people for a living and she could not be prouder. Yes, you took what you were good at naturally it worked it into a thing that you could make you money.
Unknown Speaker 11:27 Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:29 It took that for my relatives in Nova Scotia to be okay with me swearing. Oh, you're
Samantha Mac 11:34 from Nova Scotia.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:36 That's just a little bit of the accident day. Oh, it's so cute. I can't tell if that's Minnesota or if that's like Nova Scotia. It just has a little bit of the Abood are kind of the same. It's a little bit of the aboot. But they're also friends. They have like the word Acadian like they're almost genetically the same as the occasions slightly different accent but back to set that's not about genealogy
Alice Vaughn 11:57 for hot second I have to ask So Sam You're in Canada. I was not aware there was a Canadian hotspot for porn,
Samantha Mac 12:05 right? Well, a long, long time ago, on a day just like this, we were a Canadian hotspot for porn. And some people didn't do paperwork properly, and some things went sideways. And the industry out here got shut down. And we're going back decades now. So companies like browsers and Pornhub. And I believe I want clips are Canadian companies that started in Canada, but now they all run out of the states. And I'm finding that there's a lot of people up here in Canada who want to be important, who thinks exciting, but we all think it has to be in LA. And right now, it kind of does for the most part, and I want to change that. I want companies to come shoot here, we've shot with five or six different big name companies up here. And it's been a lot of fun, and they're like, hey, if you have a roster of talent, I'm going to come up, you're more we're gonna shoot with you more. So that's where Barbie came came from, was I was training people to get on this roster of talent. So We could shoot up here in Vancouver more often. And it was if you go to Mac models.ca you can see there's a link called as seen on and you can see some of the amazing talent we've worked with. We've worked so some some superstars and we're so so so lucky. But I was like this could be a regular thing, if we have what they need and what they need is a roster of capable talents. So how did we get that point? Oh, boot camp.
Alice Vaughn 13:23 Love the segue. Nice, so much easier on my own. You mentioned it's like a 12 step program so it's already sounds way better than a first is admitting that you have a problem.
Samantha Mac 13:34 Yes. Versus admitting that you have a boner.
Alice Vaughn 13:37 Second is finding Jesus specifically Hey, Zeus,
Yvette d'Entremont 13:41 essentially is admitting that you are powerless to your boner.
Samantha Mac 13:44 That's some dominatrix stuff right there. seeking out
Alice Vaughn 13:47 a higher powers. Yeah, your boner seat so that you were just someone's higher power. Your boner. Jesus. That's my business card. There you go. Voter Jesus. There we go. You know the road. just killed Jesus because they didn't want him competing with the wine industry. That's all I'm saying.
Unknown Speaker 14:04 Oh,
Alice Vaughn 14:07 no, too dark. Sorry Christians. Oh,
Samantha Mac 14:09 he's not sorry.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:10 I'm really not know she makes crayons that are offensive. So not sorry,
Alice Vaughn 14:16 Sam we're gonna get along. So
Unknown Speaker 14:19 I'm learning so much about you.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:21 When we're all in the same part of the universe hanging out will occur.
Alice Vaughn 14:25 So by the way, do you only train men talent or males and females, so I
Samantha Mac 14:29 trained men and women and vice actually filmed a female session. It just hasn't come out yet. you've only seen the men's level two you haven't seen at all. We've just slightly lifted the veil. So excited. Yeah, I work with women a lot. And we also help them in like open their own websites and clips, sites and fan sites so that they can profit off their own butts instead of being owned and operated by somebody else
Yvette d'Entremont 14:54 to their vagina is an LLC. I like that.
Samantha Mac 14:57 But yeah, we do a whole class like our 13th class. Our final class is about opening your own sites running yourself as a business or what you need, what different colored backgrounds and font on your website will evoke different feelings from people and what your audience is more attracted to, and how to do search engine optimization like all that. Wow. So we get down to like the nitty gritty like how to do record keeping, or skip the
Yvette d'Entremont 15:22 porn classes and comment and get the SEO stuff like, Can I just drop it you can come to
Samantha Mac 15:26 anything you want, you can come every day.
Yvette d'Entremont 15:29 Well, I try to come every day. But Could I just drop in for the SEO? Yes,
Samantha Mac 15:34 weighing on by the Canada because of the vice documentary, we realized that there's a lot of people from a lot of different areas that are either really interested or maybe kind of interested. So we want to make it more inclusive. So that's why we broke it down to 13 different classes and people can sign up for just one all 13 It doesn't matter out of those classes or kind of handpicking who we want to work with more to get on our roster to do work. So if a couple wants to just come For one class and just laugh at each other while we're talking about dildos, that's okay. If they want to perform and go further, we can discuss that. But it's not. You don't take more bootcamp because you want to be a porn star. You take part in boot camp because maybe you just want to talk about stretching your asshole for a day,
Yvette d'Entremont 16:15 which I'm just saying, I'm getting their movie. I'm picturing this ending up on the app masterclass. Yeah, actually, oh my god. I hope so. I want a TED talk as well. A picture this ending is going to be like, you know, here's Neil Gaiman on writing. here's here's Gordon Ramsay teaches cooking here. Samantha Mack on maintaining a boner with a guy next to you. I think people need to see all these things.
Alice Vaughn 16:38 Yeah. Do we request master classes? Can our entire audience just email the master class people? Yeah,
Samantha Mac 16:44 yes. That's how you do it.
Yvette d'Entremont 16:46 I download master class. If I had this on there, I need to see this. This is amazing.
Alice Vaughn 16:51 I love hearing though that you have specific classes for men specific classes for women and it kind of wraps up in a nice industry oriented way on how to promote us
Yvette d'Entremont 17:00 Yeah cuz it's a harder industry to to maintain your finances and then I use a different industry now than it used to be installed
Samantha Mac 17:06 on that a little bit. Well the industry has changed thanks to free sharing sites the way that we make money is different we're not just selling holes doing things anymore we're selling intimacy and interaction. Fans are now following one specific performer who they feel is attractive or arousing or has that thing that they like and they follow everything that person does you can go on Twitter and you can talk to brock obama tomorrow if you really really want to. So not that he's a porn performers just the first thing that came to my mind
Alice Vaughn 17:33 but if you want it to be of no such
Samantha Mac 17:36 powerful black man comes to mind.
Alice Vaughn 17:39 I would so watch Brock porn
Yvette d'Entremont 17:41 if there was a brock obama look alike who's doing porn? I would tune into that hard light bulb.
Yvette d'Entremont 17:52 If there are doppelgangers, right, because I'm just saying I don't think a sex tape of them is coming out. They seem to have their shit together. But if their doppelgangers were to Do porn
Samantha Mac 18:00 I would tune in. I have no words and only moans for that. Ah.
Unknown Speaker 18:07 So good.
Samantha Mac 18:08 But yeah, we're selling intimacy interaction because the internet chain social media changed. And so now, people will follow me because they liked me and they'll follow anything I do. They're not just following one company. You're not just finding your porn on browsers anymore. And now you're going all over the place. And what's fun about girls and while men used to be just girls who like, if a girl had a website, you would follow her, but now it's men. It's women. It's couples. It's transgender. It's everything. If you have a niche, it is on the internet. If you get off on sucking the farts of somebody's asshole, you can find that on the internet and you will find a whole group of
Yvette d'Entremont 18:43 people who like it, there's someone making fart sucking specifically from a step sibling. Like there's every single category of porn in step family for this is 2019 it's all step family
Samantha Mac 18:55 step family is one of the things I don't touch on. I did two step family videos and I was like You know what, I don't want to encourage this behavior and someone's realized fan mail that was pretty disturbing. And I was like, I will not do tabular incest videos of any kind anymore. It just does not sit well with me. You're the unsung hero.
Yvette d'Entremont 19:13 You don't real MVP.
Samantha Mac 19:15 Thank you. I also don't like doing cheating wife.
Alice Vaughn 19:17 Cheating wife. Yes. stepbrother. stepsister pass.
Samantha Mac 19:21 Yeah. Well, I also like my mom dad are still married, so I can't really relate to finding a stepmom attractive I don't have one. So if you want to be my stepmom and change my mind, you can call me at one 800
Alice Vaughn 19:32 Well, I mean in porn universe, who knows? Maybe I will be your stepmom.
Unknown Speaker 19:37 You're younger than me.
Yvette d'Entremont 19:39 Exactly. As far as anything can happen. The right extensions and costumes on and who knows?
Alice Vaughn 19:47 We become Mills back after we're 29 right?
Yvette d'Entremont 19:50 I thought was 45 I'm 36 I'm a gilf at this point in the porn universe. As I like to say I am past age preventative Botox. I I'm old. I've accepted it. All right, I'm all right with it. I'm just old.
Alice Vaughn 20:05 Sam, other than the marketing seems like you have classes on anal. It seems like you have some classes pertaining to toys and erections. Any other snippets of some other classes you could share with us?
Samantha Mac 20:17 Yes, I have the list in front of me. Now, I don't necessarily teach these classes some of these I bring in experts because I don't know everything. Shocking, I know. So we start off really simple with a class called do it yourself, which is about solo xX xX performances. So it's just you and a camera, what do you do? And so you'll see that in our advice, coverage of the girl session, or girl sitting from the camera, they're from a VR camera, they go Okay, go and the girls are like, Hi, my name is Samantha and I'm so happy you're here. And I don't know what to say and they just lose it. And it's very nerve racking being from a camera, I'm being told to just go perform. So we have a class on that how to move in from the camera and we do it For both men and women, and everything in between, we cater to all colors of the rainbow, whatever your kink or fetish is, we try to be as inclusive as possible. So our solar performance class is just you in front of camera by yourself, how do you keep their attention? And so that was really, really fun and we laugh a lot. It's super embarrassing, and it is a journey. But what I like about this is if you are on a boot camp, and you're willing to be on the website, we show your beginning your middle and your end so we show the progression and we try to lift you up as somebody who has learned and become good instead of someone who's like Oh, the cavemen 35 seconds they're useless by it's like a boner montage.
Yvette d'Entremont 21:38 I'm picturing the rocky theme song in the background, like climbing up the steps with like a proud Boehner and then like spring like that could be the commercial for it. There's like to someone like you know, up the stairs and at the end, just you know, there I need my creative team. Oh my goodness. This is Alice and I we do silly things for fun and for profit. So if you ever new thing give us a call.
Alice Vaughn 22:01 All I'm hearing is you need to include more. I have the tiger montages. So,
Yvette d'Entremont 22:05 Tiger montage with Dick.
That's there has to be a rocky parody out there somewhere.
Alice Vaughn 22:13 Is there a rocky parody? I'm sure there is. And we'll review it eventually. Okay, sorry. Anyways, classic. Let's
Samantha Mac 22:19 say we have classes on stills. One of the big things that you do on a porn set is, you know, you show up, you go through your script, you go through your staging, and they'll tell you, the director was like, I want you and missionary then flip to doggy, then you're gonna do this line, I want you to say this, I want you to do that. And so we run through it. And then once you know which positions you're going to be and you map it out on whichever furniture you're using, we then take stills so the pictures that you see on the box cover are not taken during the action. They are set up photos and how to do that. And it gets even more difficult. So you put three people in a room of like, Okay, give me a sec still. You have to learn how to turn your body out how to face the camera but still look like you're your partner how to stack your finger. And push against the base of the clock so the deck looks as long as possible. So you showing them a shaft as possible. Just grab it, like cover it because he looks like he's got a tiny little Wiener doesn't make anyone want to buy the video. So we teach you like all these little techniques or
Unknown Speaker 23:14 little things that I've never thought about
Samantha Mac 23:17 Yeah, at how to like, you get partnered with somebody that you might not know or maybe that you like, aren't really good friends with and you have to make them look good enough to make you look good. You know how to put your arms around a woman's waist without giving her a muffin top. So we do a whole class with professional photographers. Oh, I want that class. It's a good class for like anybody who wants to be like next level Instagram like, here's how to pose with people next level sex tape.
Yvette d'Entremont 23:41 Yes, I want my sex tape to get rid of my backfat
Samantha Mac 23:46 and like these positions that we teach you like if a girl lies on her back and it hits her natural and they fall into her armpits, how to like scooper and hold her in a way that her body is most elegantly framed. During the sax. Yes, we care about you looking good on camera. We don't care about Feels good. We don't care if you have an orgasm unless you're the guy. We only care that you look good. And we make a beautiful product.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:06 You're a legend. This is this is fascinating. I feel like if we were like so Middle East piece and just handed it to you, you'd be like, Well, someone said I was good at it, so I should do it.
Samantha Mac 24:19 Everything. I mean, that's my next challenge.
I mean, after for boot camp has been conquered. I'll have to be honest, making peace in the Middle East. I'm sure I can you
Yvette d'Entremont 24:28 know, Syria is a kind of a clusterfuck. But we can sort it out between like six different arguing camps. We can do this.
Alice Vaughn 24:35 I mean, Trump thought Kushner could do it. Samantha Mac better
Yvette d'Entremont 24:40 way better. Make your tits look good during missionary she can sort out Syria tasks. I'm just saying if you have any women have tried. Samantha Mac has mastered it. I think Syria is next. I'm going
Samantha Mac 24:55 to end up with like a weird phone call tomorrow from
Yvette d'Entremont 24:58 Fox hate mail. info to girls when Mike duck
Samantha Mac 25:02 house Mathematica single handedly solving
Yvette d'Entremont 25:07 they're gonna be like so do your support Trump's recent comments. Oh god,
Samantha Mac 25:11 this is gonna be really really bad or really, really well for me.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:14 We have gotten far less hate mail on ridiculous things we've said that have touched on politics that I would have expected I think because our audience understands that their jokes how Samantha Mac redrew the Israeli Palestinian border. What it's actually supposed to look like. This is a giant. You're welcome. Next, they have Samantha Mack is actually added by something like that'll be like the next accusation just because like the word Palestine was said that'll be the accusation. Oh my goodness. Don't worry. I can handle anything. It's fine. Hashtag Samantha Matt canceled. We were canceled for having this podcasts. Everything is canceled to I'm canceled. Cancel us now.
Samantha Mac 25:54 Don't do it.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:55 Alice is already determined she's gonna be cancelled for offensive crayons. I've decided. I'm going to cancelled for all the stuff I ever wrote about agriculture.
Alice Vaughn 26:03 Well, so within a span of a week I went viral and was banned off of Facebook. So why did you go viral? I went viral because of this little contraption. I am holding a fidget spinner bud plug.
Yvette d'Entremont 26:17 I have a theory that that could help someone keep their erection for longer because it would distract them but they'd still be in a vagina.
Alice Vaughn 26:24 I have a theory that this is a great toy during orgies. And if you don't have anything to do play with the fidget spinner, but
Yvette d'Entremont 26:32 if you have an uneven number of men who have holes available, just you know, plug that in there for a little while. How about just
Samantha Mac 26:38 Okay, so wait, why did that make you go viral? I don't
Alice Vaughn 26:41 think many people have seen a fidget spinner bud plug and I think that's what surprised me more. This little guy and I'll again link it in the show notes only cost me 25 bucks. I decided to post it on both Facebook and Instagram on our Facebook. It got I think 18,000 shares and
Yvette d'Entremont 26:59 yeah, that's it. Sokka some shares but I must have not clicked for the page for like a day.
Alice Vaughn 27:04 And then on my Twitter I think I got like 17,000 shares, which I would say is a decent number nowadays.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:11 Yeah, that's not bad for a shiny butt plug.
Alice Vaughn 27:15 But I'm more furious about why Facebook decided to ban me for a week. I had nothing to do with about blog. Nothing, nothing to do.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:22 Okay, I just posted a link right?
Alice Vaughn 27:25 So what I did was so vise put out an article about a photographer who photographs couples who are simulating blow jobs for their wedding photos
Yvette d'Entremont 27:35 wedding photo blowjobs Was it a hoax
Alice Vaughn 27:38 or was it well all the couples say that they're not actual blowjobs but you could see like the pants are off on the guy. Yeah, it's just so
Yvette d'Entremont 27:46 it's you know, in position of doing apologia Haha, very funny, but exactly posted
Alice Vaughn 27:52 the link, didn't you? That's all I did. All I did was just post the link on our Facebook page on the To on podcast page, and within a day I'm gone I'm canceled on Facebook
Yvette d'Entremont 28:05 you're banned for posting an article that like
Alice Vaughn 28:08 about fake blowjobs
Yvette d'Entremont 28:10 vise face nothing for that everyone else who posted this face nothing What the hell are you just In Facebook Jail Are you banned Facebook Jail
Alice Vaughn 28:19 Facebook Jail for seven days but Facebook Jail is the worst because if you haven't been in it before you can even message your friends
Samantha Mac 28:26 that you can see your messages though.
Alice Vaughn 28:28 Yeah, it's the worst torture so and if you don't have someone's number, you can contact them for however long whether it's 24 hours a week or 30 days and I've had a 30 day ban too.
Yvette d'Entremont 28:37 We are far too dependent on Facebook Like I saw a video a few days ago saying there's an argument for shutting down the entire internet I'm like no, no, no. Just shut down Facebook for like a week and see how people adapt to life about Facebook and I I say this thinking that tomorrow my Facebook overlords will shut down sigh babe and be like, Oh, you likes those 300,000 followers, didn't you? By, I think that the company has a little too much power now just because we got dependent on it. We liked the service they had. But now, what would happen if it just went away? I think would be all right. Eventually,
Samantha Mac 29:13 I'm kind of on this boat. I think if Facebook went away, we would actually connect with each other again, we would go to the scammers and contact each other. I went In Facebook Jail, right before a Mexico trip and all of my information was in those messages. So I didn't know who to like meet on the other side in Mexico, I was at the airport and I got shut down. So I had to open a second account and try to recontact all these people again. So now I bounced between two accounts so I can afford to be in jail on what
Yvette d'Entremont 29:41 yeah, it's just annoying, you know,
Samantha Mac 29:43 and I have my mom is like a moderator on all of my pages. In case I get shut down. My mom can still go in the back end and posts for me.
Yvette d'Entremont 29:51 Yeah, it's having a handful of people who you know, no matter what, someone won't be banned at any given time. And none of these people will ever go nuclear on me. Some important thing,
Samantha Mac 30:01 we run an event here in Vancouver called SimCity. It's a fetish club. And we do tons of crazy events. I mean, like whatever you think is happening, like time's up by 10
Unknown Speaker 30:10 Patreon content. There's 36
Samantha Mac 30:13 different moderators on that account just because of the likelihood of us getting shut down for a poster we made or for having Oh, yeah, the wrong word in our poster image or linking directly if you're moving a link, but you just have the text up, you're less likely to get put in Facebook Jail. Wow, it's when the direct link bubble pops up and click that it could click to anything that could get you in trouble. Pro tip.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:36 I still don't know how I've never landed In Facebook Jail. Like I know saying this means tomorrow I'll enter Facebook Jail, just the energies out there. It's gonna happen but like, I feel like I've just kept one foot on the don't put me in jail side of the line. I've just managed to skate by it, but it feels like I should have by now.
Samantha Mac 30:53 Well, you're very lucky. I'm very experienced In Facebook Jail unfortunately. at Instagram jail Thema
Yvette d'Entremont 30:59 People I've said should fuck off and that we should have a guillotine for the rich at this point somebody should have thrown me in the face no
Samantha Mac 31:06 violence, okay? You can yell at somebody violence is okay, but if you have boobs, yeah, okay shut down in a heartbeat I was completely removed for wearing a dress on a red carpet so that they thought was inappropriate.
Unknown Speaker 31:17 Stop
Samantha Mac 31:18 Yeah, no sexual content and it was me in a custom made gown on a red carpet.
Alice Vaughn 31:23 Okay, I need to see this gown first off because you probably looked hot in it. Yeah.
Samantha Mac 31:27 Now it was custom made. It wasn't necessary. Now. We
Yvette d'Entremont 31:31 should have that picture for like the featured image for the show.
Samantha Mac 31:34 I bet you I can find this. I just I can't
Yvette d'Entremont 31:36 believe that. I mean, I can because fuck everything. But I was exaggerating a little bit talking about the guillotine. Just a little
Samantha Mac 31:43 My husband has the same picture posted because it's a red carpet image. And his is still up but my god has banned
Alice Vaughn 31:49 what Yeah, you're too voluptuous for Facebook to handle? Yes. Oh, you look absurdly good.
Unknown Speaker 31:57 Oh wow.
Alice Vaughn 31:58 I've seen that image but For I love it. It's on images as well. I'm linking to this in the show notes. That custom dress is perfect.
Yvette d'Entremont 32:08 So I'm just saying I've seen Beyonce in a thing that covers a similar amount. I'm curious why that was all right. And yet, and yet so that covers more than a bikini but because it was a dress it was too sexual.
Unknown Speaker 32:22 Yeah, fun times with boobs.
Alice Vaughn 32:26 bikini versus lingerie. I mean, both lead to sex ones, just coarser, but it
Samantha Mac 32:32 also is like if you have more followers, they're more likely to be strict on you. If you ask followers, they're less
Yvette d'Entremont 32:38 likely more followers means there's gonna be like the sensitivity level you're you have a bigger net eventually. It also means you're going to be more people that are gonna be like, I just don't like this click report. Yeah, it depends on the following. When my page started, I realized like early on, like I forget where the following was, but like I went from like 30,000 to about 100,000 overnight. From an article going viral, and the whole tone of the page changed, like people, I had to get used to people being like, I don't like this unfollow, and like, luckily, it wasn't a lot of reporting, but the bigger the audience is, the more people are gonna be like, I fucking hate your report for nothing. Mm hmm. Why with boobs though? Why would people be anti boobs? And if you guys can see this guy, so this is a skeleton sitting in a chair holding a dildo with a bottle of lube next to him.
Samantha Mac 33:28 And that was to advertise like our Halloween film sets and mine got removed immediately. But that's on my husband's Instagram. It's I experiment happy with it. They think it's funny. What the hell is a dude posting a dick is okay, but a girl No, no,
Alice Vaughn 33:43 a skeleton with a dildo and lube. Oh my god, how dare it.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:48 I hate everything. Instagram What the fuck is my third account now? And they're not the first person we've had on that's told us this. We've had a few people tell us their Instagram accounts are there friend's Instagram accounts have been shut down.
Samantha Mac 34:02 Yes. So luckily there's an organization in LA of adult performers. They actually spoke to the heads of Instagram and was like, hey, people are being banned for the wrong reasons. And a lot of BB w women are getting banned because the amount of skin percentage that they're showing, even though they could be completely covered in the important areas wearing a sports bra and like yoga pants, the amount of skin showing is more than a thin girl. Therefore she gets brought down for being showing too much skin
Yvette d'Entremont 34:29 that's not okay and it
Samantha Mac 34:32 comes down to not sexual being sexual or sexually explicit. It comes down to just body shaming. She has more square inches of skin than the other girl therefore it's not okay.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:42 And that sucks. What the hell for my highest weight I've lost about 95 pounds and I look isolations you know what I it's weird accepting congratulations on just you know, being smaller. It's like I'm healthier I guess but you know, same human being just different eating habits but like I look at it and go, people treat you differently. It's weird that some clothes are acceptable now that weren't then and I don't think that's okay. I don't think it's okay to treat people like, we treat fat women terribly in the society and like I grew up fat and people treat me differently now like I'm a better nicer human being who's more worthy of love. And that's not cool. Oh, it's it's
Samantha Mac 35:23 totally true that what you experience is 100% real
Yvette d'Entremont 35:26 people treat conventionally attractive, skinny women differently. And I'd since I moved to San Francisco for two years, moved back to LA and since I've gotten back, I've been thinner. I've been treated differently. It's very strange. But yeah, that's just seeing it manifested in how people are treating your body. On Instagram. It's like, it's just it's disgusting.
Alice Vaughn 35:47 Well, here's a question how much of it is part of the algorithm and how much of it is a person reviewing it because there are people who are content moderators who are reviewing the content and censoring this which is a problem problem, but I'm sure there could probably be algorithms who are figuring this out. But as I say that I'm glad it still doesn't make any sense compared to if like a skinny bitches wearing a fucking bikini. It doesn't make any sense.
Yvette d'Entremont 36:13 There shouldn't be a problem for wearing a bikini at any size.
Alice Vaughn 36:16 By the way, if you're a skinny bitch, I hate you. It's just because I can't be a size two. I enjoy pizza a lot.
Samantha Mac 36:21 One thing I did is in my in my 10 years of being naked on the internet, I have been both 140 pounds and 240 pounds. And I have made I wouldn't say the equivalent amount of money but the size doesn't matter. Your fan base just changes interesting people like all sorts of sizes. I never lost fans because I was heavier or lost fans because I was thinner. The audience just changed. And both have been exceptionally profitable. Yeah, people like a little bit of everything. It's just who you're advertising to, which is why is it is always a place for everybody. Exactly. So there's that guy out there who just wants to suck your farts. He doesn't care how big grass is. But it's is your your level of comfort with your body is what's going to be the positive reaction other people, if you're upset about being heavy, then they're going to be like, yeah, you're heavy. That's bad. But if you're like, Yeah, I got a big bottom you like this? And they're like, yeah, like that. You really start the conversation. So people are treating you differently. Maybe because you're treating yourself differently.
Alice Vaughn 37:17 This is a very good point. Unfortunately, as women, we're kind of shamed at a young age when it comes to our body. And I feel like a lot of men don't necessarily experience it the same way. I mean, yes, don't get me wrong. There are advertisements were constantly you'll see like an attractive or muscular guy, but not never. I feel like growing up to the same extent, as you've always seen the same type of woman on all the different types of advertisements and if you just have a little extra men in most advertisements aren't really told to lose weight. However, for women, it's a problem.
Samantha Mac 37:53 You know, what's funny about that is that's where the internet changed. It comes to porn, because of clip sites and fan sites and cash sights. We have now opened up the idea of the perfect woman from being the thin size to big fake boobs. blond hair. Blue Eyes doesn't have a thought in her brain. What wants to suck your dick? Oh, yeah, that was what was higher. You're welcome. That's why now it can be a tattooed girl a girl with a big fat.
Yvette d'Entremont 38:20 have at least one thought in your brain, Alice.
Unknown Speaker 38:22 Oh, it's true. I thought it was
Alice Vaughn 38:26 Yeah, I'm sure as I'm going down on the guy. He's like, I love you for your brain. Alright, sorry, Sam.
Yvette d'Entremont 38:32 So going back loves it for how fast it's ranting against his cock. That's what he loves about it at that moment.
Samantha Mac 38:38 He should just stop halfway and ask him.
Yvette d'Entremont 38:40 Do you love me for my brain honey? Yeah, sure, just get back to slogging that thing against your tonsil holes. Okay, please. I just want it good and sloppy. Just get in there. Don't forget the balls. I
Alice Vaughn 38:51 don't care about your brain right now as long as your brain is functioning in a way that tells it how to blow a thing. So Sam, do you think that the body positivity moves Could have even just stemmed from more clips sites coming onto the scene and because we all know that porn when it comes to change whether it comes to a lot of technological advances I mean porn kind of does it first you know whether it's VHS DVD is when it comes to doing webcams. Hell cryptocurrency, VR, you know porn always at the front of everything. Do you think the body positivity movement kind of started with porn?
Samantha Mac 39:28 Oh, you know what, I would not be surprised in the least I think that that's a very real scenario. We saw a huge influx in tattooed girls when suicide girls became a thing Wow. When all of a sudden that was something that was lusted after and was made for your spank made material burning Angel made punk porn, a thing tattooed girls, pink hairs shaved head we just had Joanna Angel on and she was wonderful. Joanna angel is one of the first big name people I've ever worked with. She's Super fun. But I think she had a lot to do with changing the porn cultures mind of what sexy is. And I think that that opened the door for a lot. A lot more variety of women you know you if you can be a pumpkin you can be sexy, you can be a nerd and you can be sexy. You can be a cupcake chef and be sexy like this not just one idea anymore. And people like Joanna Angel were the forefront of that.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:24 I require my cupcake chefs to be sexy,
Samantha Mac 40:27 as you should.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:29 Just just saying, but I think if you're making me a cupcake, you're automatically sexy. So
Alice Vaughn 40:33 So speaking of cupcakes, I have a business idea. And if you're a listener of this podcast, you're not allowed. You're contractually obligated to never steal this business idea because you're listening to this podcast and I'm telling you, so
Yvette d'Entremont 40:48 it's already trademarked it there's a website like she's partnered with Monsanto auto or something. Who knows?
Alice Vaughn 40:53 Okay, so the idea is, it's a bakery and it's a strip club. It's called Shake and Bake.
Yvette d'Entremont 41:01 Oh, no. Oh yes, we're doing this. And and wait, it's a dispensary to shake and bake. Oh, come on, come on. Now this is a good idea.
Alice Vaughn 41:14 Look, all I'm saying is, if you're already going to call a girl cupcake, why not bring you a cupcake?
Samantha Mac 41:19 We actually fired a girl to a strip club for smashing a cupcake during a strip show. Because it was a chocolate cupcake and it looked like poop smeared down her tits. And it left any oil based product is not your friend at the strip club. And I mean like a slick
Yvette d'Entremont 41:36 Yeah, so you're saying vanilla with like marang frosting would have been acceptable. It's just
Samantha Mac 41:41 not poo colors and preferably not oil based products. We want you to swing around the pole. We don't use something off of it.
Yvette d'Entremont 41:50 So if you're listening and you dance, please no chocolate cupcakes,
Samantha Mac 41:54 at least not myclub that'll get you in trouble.
Yvette d'Entremont 41:57 Stick to the normal foods for that are used for dancing like sardines, obviously.
Alice Vaughn 42:03 Pineapple on pizza. Yes. No.
Unknown Speaker 42:06 Yes. doesn't belong
Yvette d'Entremont 42:08 on pizza. Yes, yes. Thank you. I knew I liked you.
Samantha Mac 42:13 Don't you take my pineapple away.
Yvette d'Entremont 42:15 People who don't like pineapple on pizza are truly why the terrorists are gonna win.
Samantha Mac 42:19 I believe I had sex in a burning Angel film because there was pineapple on a pizza.
Yvette d'Entremont 42:25 There has to be a story of this and I needed
Samantha Mac 42:27 one of the first burning Angel videos I did for joining Angel was I was a pizza delivery girl. And using the pizza delivery box like the thermal case, from my father in law from when he was a delivery boy so you know, there was some heirlooms in that video. But no, I brought I brought an American Oh in gray leaves his name. I brought him a Canadian pizza and had pineapple on it. And it had maybe in badian bacon and he was like, This isn't bacon and we argued about it. And I was like There's pineapple amount make your taste good. He's like, well why would you want that? And I was like, Oh well, welcome to Canada and I sucked his dick.
Unknown Speaker 43:07 Because porn logic
Yvette d'Entremont 43:08 that's how Canadian pizza delivery people treat you when you come to Canada we give you a Canadian pizza and suck your dick. I'm just saying that never happened to Nova Scotia and I feel robbed but given that it was Politico and I'm related to everyone there maybe that's why that's a policy in Politico that they don't do it.
Samantha Mac 43:26 Perhaps I didn't Vancouver, so maybe you need to come to Vancouver. And then have me deliver your pizza. I want that delivery service. You actually need to watch the pizza delivery burning Angel porno video that I did because I tried to do a nova scotia accent the whole time. Oh my god, I'm so excited. It comes out a little in Minnesota. But wait,
Alice Vaughn 43:46 what is a nova scotia accent Nova Scotia
Yvette d'Entremont 43:48 but your a and a booton? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Don't you know
Samantha Mac 43:52 it's a lot of don't Shinola stone shadow. I just at that point. I loved being a character in all my films like I love I love the silly Have it and that's one of the reasons I like so much is because they did really silly parodies
Yvette d'Entremont 44:04 these are the ports we like to review are the ones that get there's an actual plot and we dig when people stay in character during the fucking
Samantha Mac 44:12 show Anna got mad at me not to get mad at me because halfway through she's like stop it cuz he was like fucking me and I was like, oh gosh darn sorry.
Alice Vaughn 44:21 She's like stomping his mouth. I'm like, okay.
It's not Canadian porn unless you're saying sorry, constantly. Sorry, sorry.
Samantha Mac 44:32 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. Don't you know
Unknown Speaker 44:33 sorry. Or maple syrup?
Alice Vaughn 44:37 Give me the maple syrup, baby. Oh, yeah.
Samantha Mac 44:45 Yeah, I give you permission to criticize my Nova Scotia accent in that entire porno. Sorry,
Yvette d'Entremont 44:50 it's probably better than then whatever I can do. We have this thing for a while the horrid challenge and to listeners who have heard this every time just click 30 seconds ahead. So you Don't have to hear it again. So from watching Tommy pistol doing the bar at parody horror at and he stayed in character the whole time. I just want someone to like in that moment when they are their partners about to come to call out very nice and see if they can hold their erection so that was why we loved the vice documentary right here so much I'm like, Oh my god, this is like the horror at challenge over and over again, to see if people can keep erection during you know, extreme conditions.
Alice Vaughn 45:27 So now I remember there was something you mentioned in the documentary said there was a difference between VR and POV recording.
Samantha Mac 45:34 Yeah, what's the difference? So virtual reality is a specific type of camera that we use to shoot VR, whether we're shooting 180 or 360. It's stationary camera, whereas POV the camera can sometimes move with you. If you're doing like a vor fetish. For example, you might talk directly to the cameras if it's the tiny little man trying to escape you. And then you can pick up the camera and show it the inside of your mouth and threaten that you're gonna swallow him or whatever for It's a fun fetish.
Alice Vaughn 46:01 Would you like to describe it for our audience? Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 46:03 give them a quick rundown. bore is
Samantha Mac 46:06 a fetish we often encourage beginners to use because it's very, I wouldn't say non sexual, but it's like a foot fetish. It's less sexual than others. So with more it's about eating and swallowing. And a lot of times it mixes with giant tests where the viewer is shrunken down to a small size. And you are the giant s, and you put them in a sandwich and you eat them, or the video I'm doing right now is a fellow who's trying to hide behind a grape. And I realized I dropped the grape on the ground and I go to pick it up and about to eat it. And it the sexual tension for the viewer comes from that point where he sees my mouth open my teeth, my uvlo hanging down the spit in my throat, and he knows that that's his final moment. And that's where they get on board. Sometimes they want you to slowly eat them from their toes to their head and describe what their body is feeling. Sometimes they do it as a way of nourishing the gut. As body they're making the ultimate sacrifice for the goddess that they appreciate and love so much. But yeah vor is about eating and chewing up a lot of your throat and swallowing and every time you eat on camera you're supposed to do with your lips open, so they can watch your teeth Nasher out. It's it's not sexual for everyone, but for those who like it, they pay well for it.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:21 So it's a fairly unsexual eyes thing that people are really into I
Samantha Mac 47:26 who it's more of like a psychological fetish than it is
Yvette d'Entremont 47:30 physical or emotional. I'm fascinated and I don't want to kink shame I just I'm this is something that like, I think it's a thing where if you're not into it, you just do not get it at all. And you know what, as I was taught very early on in my kink life, your kink is okay. Don't judge other people's kinks, because other people would look at yours and go Hmm,
Samantha Mac 47:50 so a lot of people who are starting out with their own fan sites, we'll get custom video requests from people who have these very usual fetishes, not that they're unusual a bad way but that they're the less popular and when you're new on the internet people come to you Oh, wiggle your toes for me. Okay now wiggle your toes but pour lotion on them. Okay now whether your toes and smash a banana into the ball of your foot like they will send you these little customs that you think are nothing so you'll do them for a low amount of money. Because you don't understand their that's their sexual for them. It seems non sexual to you because oh, it's just my feet, it doesn't matter or Oh, I'm just pretending to eat a crepe. It doesn't matter. But what we don't realize what we've learned through this evolutionary process is that these kinks are very important to people who have these fetishes. And so if you become a master at if you can understand the fetish and film it in a way that's very enticing, you can become the best for fetishist or giant has fetishes or femme Dom or whatever it is that you're into, or perhaps that you're good at portraying on camera. I do a lot of fetishes that I'm not personally into, but I will perform them exquisitely on camera because I like being an actress.
Alice Vaughn 49:00 I feel like people definitely undervalue porn stars as actual actors. And that's the thing you guys act so often and frequently, especially as you just described, you do fetishes, and you do them in such a way where for the viewer, if they're watching, and they're like, that's exactly my kink, but you might not either be into it or you just know how to perform it really well. You might be the best vor or giantess fetishist out there.
Samantha Mac 49:27 Yes. And that's the goal is to be the best at whatever you want to do. We do one of our bootcamp classes is about specifically that, wow, we show a side by side image of a sexy nurse and a porno and then a nurse actually in the ER, and we're like there is a difference between reality and fantasy. And there is a difference between showing a kink and then showing a kink for the viewer.
Yvette d'Entremont 49:49 Do you show a picture of Nina Hartley when she was actually working as a nurse versus Nina Hartley in a nurse costume because I think that would be perfect. I did not know Nina Hartley was a nurse. She was I don't know Still an RN, she might like we had her on the show and we talked about that. But yeah, indeed, kind of what got her into porn, she said was she was working as an RN and she connected, giving birth to sexuality and it's a whole long rant. She was on the show and it was wonderful. But yeah, she started off her career as a nurse. She's I mean, we knew she was brilliant, but Episode 30 we had her on really early and she put up with 40 minutes of our audio issues trying to get her connected. And she was so lovely. And so what she talked about was so brilliant. She
Samantha Mac 50:28 is like the nicest person she's fantastic. So by the
Alice Vaughn 50:31 way, I figured out what nurse porn is yes, so all of you nurses out there can absolutely attest to this and you can you know, correct me if I'm wrong info two girls, so I might calm you know, they email. Okay, you guys, you're into veins. Okay, finding a fucking vein for to put a needle into so muscular arms with veins in them. That's nurse porn. phlebotomy tell me I'm wrong.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:56 I know someone who used to do I need to figure out a way to praise a set enemas she was into enemas and wearing a nurse costume. That was one that I remember early on in my kink education. And I was like, Ooh, that one's a fetish too far. But I'm fascinated and I want to know more.
Samantha Mac 51:11 I love enemas.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:12 I find the baby, how should we phrase this useful before another activity? Yes, that's kind of how
Samantha Mac 51:19 you get into it.
It starts off as necessity and then it becomes awesome.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:24 One day, we're gonna make a complete washer junk kit, and it's gonna have an enema bulb in there, and people are gonna be like, What? Oh,
Samantha Mac 51:30 yes, that's another course we that's in the angel class that we do. We have this lovely gay fellow come in, and he talks all about how to do an enema, the different types that you can get. And when you've gone too far, and you've used too much liquid and how long it could delay your process of getting ready. I need to know how do you
Yvette d'Entremont 51:47 know when you've gone too far?
Samantha Mac 51:48 Well, there's a suggested amount listed in the instructions. And when you go beyond that, there's a bend in your innards. And once you go over that bend, gravity doesn't help you anymore. Go ahead You filled yourself up with so much liquids and now you're you're draining out beyond the level that's necessary and it could take a much longer time to get you cleaned out because you've gone into deep cleaning mode and it wasn't necessary.
Unknown Speaker 52:13 So one bulb at a time, one
Samantha Mac 52:14 bulb at a time, that's what I like to do.
Yvette d'Entremont 52:18 Didn't know if there was a max number of bulbs. successively, I think it's the word I'm using. There
Samantha Mac 52:23 was also a difference between like, you could fill up like we have the bottles and you could fill up with one bottle, flush it out, fill up a bottle, again, make sure it's clean until it comes out clear. Or you could put a bottle in hold it but a second bottle in that's when you get into a little bit dangerous territory. But it's also good for deep cleaning. So you mean each each their own happy assholes to everyone? Yes, we want to clean working surface. And that's something that we're touching on. We're doing a point of bootcamp orientation this Friday and next Saturday, where anyone who's curious is welcome to come down and have a q&a with us. We've got videos, we've got some funny entertainers coming in to talk about all these things, answering questions. One of the things we talked about is how to be prepared for set. Do you need to clean out your asshole before you come to every single set? Not necessarily. Like what's important to do and like the amount of man I've had to send back and women be like, Oh, you need to go wash your bits before you pull those out. washers drunk. There's people who don't know why we have baby wipes on set. They think it's hilarious. Somebody in the YouTube comments on the vice documentary was like, Oh, this guy's using a penis pump next to a bunch of baby wipes. That's gross. He must be a dad and I was like, No, we use baby wipes to wipe our folds and our ins and our outs because our genitals Yeah, I worry about the people having sex who don't know how to use a wipe on their bits. Why do people not
Yvette d'Entremont 53:40 know to just wash your junk? This is vital and necessary before you mash bits with someone else just out of courtesy but
Samantha Mac 53:48 there's a lot of shelters out there even into their 20s and 30s. I've come across a lot of dicks now doing Cornell boot camp, and in a lot of vaginas, but the most memorable and I've met three men Whose foreskin will not retract at all. And when it does, you just see the very, very tip of their dick. And if you touch it, they go into convulsions because the head of their caucus so sensitive, and why two of them were raised very religious and were told never to masturbate. So as a 25 and 30 year old man, they could not pull down their foreskin, even when flaccid and they were constantly getting infections and they just thought that's just how it works because they never had that open conversation with an adult or a parent supporter. And so it's me going well, dude, your dick needs some work is what got them going to a doctor and having the balls to have that conversation is incredible. Okay, so if you're religiously oppressed, as you're dank please start please. She's a dick exorcise
Yvette d'Entremont 54:43 addicts or cyst. I have a lot of business cards. We're racking them up for you depending on who you're talking to different business card.
Samantha Mac 54:50 Someone online made me some that said I'm the dildo wielder because there's a part in the documentary where I'm shaking a double ended dildo, which is a joke about dick Celcius. video we did a long time ago his stepdad comes in, he picks up the Double of the dildo. He goes, What is this and it's wiggling back and forth. It's the funniest thing I've ever shot. However, like I said before that stepdad we don't do anymore because it had other fans that I don't want to judge, but that one moment where he's What is this and the dildos shaking back and forth. It's the funniest thing I've ever done. If you've never shaken a double ended dildo, do yourself a favor, go to the next door, I will get a double and make it around like a mad fury and you will feel so much better like that should be an every therapists office, you can't not laugh. It's just the funniest thing.
Yvette d'Entremont 55:35 It's funnier than a rubber chicken. I'm sorry, you cannot
Samantha Mac 55:38 stay angry,
Yvette d'Entremont 55:39 especially if it's a pink one with glitter on the inside of it. That's a funny object. It's an intrinsically humorous article of junk.
Samantha Mac 55:49 We've had one in our studio for three years now. It was bought for one of Anneliese film sets long time ago, and it's just lingered. It's always around somewhere. We try to get rid of it. We can't just keep showing up. But if you're angry We tell people just shake the deck because you cannot stay angry. Well, this double ended those flapping around. It's so yeah, forget stress balls, get a double ended dildo you'll be a happier person, you can thank me later.
Alice Vaughn 56:13 In counseling sessions you have to hold the double ended dildo to speak.
Yvette d'Entremont 56:17 That's the time I'm going to start buying those for friends that are stressed out just going buying cheap double ended dildo and be like, Here you go, just your you don't, this isn't gonna solve anything. It's not gonna make your problems go away but you'll laugh of it, you'll be
Samantha Mac 56:31 a lot happier with your problems.
Yvette d'Entremont 56:34 And if you cleared it off and has another years,
Unknown Speaker 56:37 even two
Samantha Mac 56:40 things those fellows have seen no buddy, no one can feel it seen our double ended dildo in our studio, you know is the LG dildo because it has this weird pink stain down the side which came from a feather boa I swear it was packaged with a feather boa the color from the feather bow leaked onto the eldo but every time we're playing with it was like why is there pink stuff on it? I'm like, it's never whatever you think it is. I swear to God is the dye from a feather bowl.
Yvette d'Entremont 57:09 We kill the Horcrux of one of the previous porn stars that stain
Samantha Mac 57:14 spray theory that's gonna be in like the board game one day like the q&a about Samantha Mac when I'm finally famous enough have a board game it'll be like, why is Samantha's double ended dildo dyed
Unknown Speaker 57:22 pink because it was in Jenna Jamison. Oh, hey,
Samantha Mac 57:27 Jenna Jameson's actually, one of the reasons I do porn now. Really?
Alice Vaughn 57:31 Yes. how that happened. What? What is your origin story
Samantha Mac 57:35 A long time ago. So I was 18 and I was given Jamison's how to make love like a porn star book, oh, by the uncle of a kid that I babysat for. Wow. There's a whole nother story. So I was given this book and I started reading it because I was 18. And who doesn't like things about porn when you're 18 and she talks about how in the book she talked about falling down drunk and losing money because she was so high High and all of those things and I had chosen at a young age at age 14, I'd learned about being straight edge ones and I decided that I want to be straight edge. So I got this strange tattoo and I never drank or two drugs or smoked my entire life and I not true. I did try cigarettes to try and be cool and it clearly did not work. So I apologize for drinking.
Alice Vaughn 58:22 This entire you
Samantha Mac 58:23 can drink. I don't. Okay, I don't care if you drink. But yeah, so I chose to like have this very straight, clean life and because of Gemma Jameson's book, I was just like, wow, if she could do all of that, because she just had the drive to do it. Like she pulled her own braces off to get the job at the strip club. And she decided to like push yourself and make yourself famous, cool. The only place she failed was that she got drunk and high and fucked it all up. And I was like, Well, I don't get drunk or high so I could do all this and not fuck it up. Interesting. So that book was like my motivating factor to like, do whatever I want become whoever I want and Be as bold as I want, knowing that as long as I didn't drink or do drugs that I could probably hold it together enough to be successful at it. And I still have her book and like read it to this day because it's a good book. It's hilarious. And it's full of great stories. But I am very much blaming her book for making me the confident, business minded girl that started off as a stripper not knowing what she was doing, and literally faked it till I made it. And now 10 years later, I'm teaching people how to play
Alice Vaughn 59:26 with their dicks. That's amazing. I love it out of curiosity, do you do webinars, webinars? I don't but that
Samantha Mac 59:32 is on my to do list. That's one of the things we're talking about right now. I hired I finally hired an assistant to help me coordinate everything and one of the things she's pushing me towards is webinars and ebooks, so that people don't have to necessarily come to my class to hear about it because people do like hearing about playing with dicks and stretching vaginas. They like these things. They're interesting. You don't necessarily want to become a porn star. You don't necessarily want to open a clip store, but you might want to shake a double ended dildo, so Word. These are things that are on our horizon that hopefully we will do. And then of course, followed by a TED talk and a masterclass obviously, obviously and then your own line of dildos. Specifically double ended ones with a pink stripe on them with for therapeutic reasons only
Alice Vaughn 1:00:17 at every therapists office in Nova Scotia.
Samantha Mac 1:00:21 Look at me Mom, I made it.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:23 I have an aunt who is going to be blushing her way through therapy. Yes, sorry, Tom Chanel, it was my fault.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:30 But in all seriousness, I would love if you came out with honestly a web series because that's something that I know for myself, who's in New York events in LA, you know, we can't readily fly to Canada as much as we'd like. So to have the access, I mean, I would love to, you know, instead of paying for a flight, hotel, and etc, to come out there, I wouldn't mind paying for a class online just so I can learn what I need to learn and know how to do it right.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:59 I know needs to know how to look good on camera when I'm having sit, wait, that's not what I want to I want to learn, although I do. I want to know what's in this class to like, these are things that I think people are curious about period. So I mean, if we're not the only ones who want to know,
Samantha Mac 1:01:16 and I mean, I've got a ton of people asking me like if they can come from Eastern Canada or from the States, I had somebody from Tanzania messaged me, and I was like, Oh, don't bother coming. It'll be a waste of your money. Like, we're just doing an info session, like, stay where you are. So I want to be able to expand and reach people that physically cannot be here in my presence. But that is not where we're at this week. That is a future project. Nonetheless, yes, we've evolved a lot. And I know that this is going to continue to evolve. And we're at a point now where like, I could watch a couple have sex and give them tips and pointers on how to do it better on camera. But now we're at a point where like, I'm bringing in professionals to teach things that even I'm not necessarily the best ad because they're important, like anal sex, not a class I can teach if I've done too DVDs called all anal volumes one and two. And my scenes are not good. I literally ripped my asshole open before one of the scenes did the scene like squinching through pain the whole time and it still made it to the DVD for some reason. And now my husband is scarred for life and he'll never fuck my asshole again. So there's no fucking volunteer out there
Alice Vaughn 1:02:23 and you're stumped, asshole. You need a stunt asshole.
Samantha Mac 1:02:26 Well, I still want to have anal sex, but he's so scarred from filming the scene with me, knowing that I asked was ripped open from stretching the night before and it's a whole, a whole bunch of things could go wrong. But through this process of me learning by trial and error, I can save a lot of other people from having the same mistakes and I can help them be more successful. So learn from my mistakes, but also, in a situation like anal sex, don't learn from me. We will bring in a professional who is an anal Acrobat who can give you the real insider information and hidden tips and secrets to be successful at anal sex because I was not successful. Oh
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:01 yeah, anal sex can be wonderful and amazing, or it can go horribly wrong. So, take the steps do the work. It's just there's diligence required, but your patients will be rewarded. That is my glowing recommendation for the sex.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:17 If you're listening to this podcast and you haven't had anal sex yet and you want to explore anal, start with a Pinkie seriously
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:24 start small start small size matters. Don't be ambitious, like you know how people are telling you to be motivated and ambitious. Don't do that with that sex. No low and slow. Do you
Alice Vaughn 1:03:35 guys understand how ambitious event and IR fairy?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:40 Let's take it back. Do you know how ambitious Alice is and how I kind of do the minimum required and show up and just spout out funny as necessary. I worked as hard as I needed to for an A minus and it worked out.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:53 We're both telling you start tiny start tiny,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:57 however much lube you think you need double, a triple But that is how you will not fuck this up probably. And don't be afraid of the enema. Embrace the enema, we want you to enjoy all your holes that you want to enjoy.
Alice Vaughn 1:04:11 So, Sam this has been awesome speaking to you, where can our listeners find you and more of you and your content and your porno boot camp
Samantha Mac 1:04:19 so you can find more about more of boot camp at Mac models.ca because we are canadian.ca everything that I film and produce I put on Mac movies.ca first because we provide our Canadians with Canadian content first and foremost. And then you can follow us on Mac movies calm if you'd like to join our membership site, which gets content throughout the week casually. But if you want it first, you go to the Mac reviews.ca because you know what somebody's gonna put Canadians first. Other than that, I'm all over the social media at the Samantha Mack spelt like the truck, not like the makeup and
Alice Vaughn 1:04:58 I will There's a truck the Mack trucks
Samantha Mac 1:05:01 the big giant aka the big semies No, you don't know your big law here.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:09 Every so often we stumble across a gap analysis knowledge of general terminology, but it happens to me too.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:16 I'm sorry I'm not familiar with semi trucks do not
Samantha Mac 1:05:21 know about long distance trucking.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:23 How is this not a thing that you've researched in depth in your in your education? Alice, I have disappointed in you.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:30 I'm sorry. I know about 16 wheelers and other capacities.
Samantha Mac 1:05:34 Wait, what other capacities? We'll discuss on Patreon. Yeah, I'm I'm Samantha Mac, I'm on everything except Instagram, which has put me in jail a few times. So now my new account is the Samantha Mac underscore. Oh, Instagram your
Unknown Speaker 1:05:49 fun.
Samantha Mac 1:05:50 Yeah. We also have like the Mac models on Instagram. We've got the Mac models and Mac movies on Twitter. Anything of the Mac related we've caught
Alice Vaughn 1:05:57 and do you also have the big back?
Samantha Mac 1:05:59 No That is copywritten that is I am not allowed to have the Big Mac god damn it
Alice Vaughn 1:06:04 jerks. By the way we have more of this conversation over at Patreon so just by the way some of our patrons we want to thank this week hack Sora Steven Jones Wendy Cornwall Teresa Sal tordjman kallstrom Scott fendley sam mon to Neil Simpson, Neil hallstrom, my humble assassin, Mike sorbetto, Matthew Cole, MC, Angus, and many many others and if you want to become a Patreon yourself and hear more of this conversation, just hop on to patreon.com slash to girls with Mike. It's also in the show notes. So just click on it, you know, help support the show, help support the editing and you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:40 keep the lights on help us eventually break into the black. Okay, one day because we were getting there. With your help, I will we will one day be able to afford things we're paying for. We can do this
Unknown Speaker 1:06:52 one day to group effort help us pay for our porn one day I'll be able to afford more than just a fidget spinner bud plug
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:00 We want to fidget spinner about flux
Alice Vaughn 1:07:03 so event where can our listeners find you by the way?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:05 Y'all can find me at the Sybase on Instagram and Twitter and over@facebook.com slash cyber. I am snarky and sciency and occasionally political. Alice, where can people find you and our social media for the podcast
Alice Vaughn 1:07:18 so guys go to girls on mic comm we have all the social media to Twitter to Facebook. They're also the Patreon Of course, but myself you could find being snarky and with bud plugs, I guess, at rational blonde on Twitter. Thanks for joining us this week, and we will see you guys next week.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:35 Bye bye bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
01 Aug 2019
#48- I'll Be Back
01:14:20
Alice & Yvette are joined by porn script writer & former production manager Dan OhReally (@DanOhReally) to talk porn extras, permits, capitalism, Ron Jeremy eating your food, and how we really feel about this week's parody..."This Ain't Terminator XXX".
Yvette & Alice are joined by host of The Wet Spot, comedian Chrissie Mayr (@ChrissieMayr) to review the porn universe's version of The Hangover. We also dive into what happens, or doesn't, if a woman ingests little blue pills, terrible ways to hide a person, bathroom bears, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by Las Vegas Director of the Erotic Heritage Museum & pornography/paraphilia expert, Victoria Hartmann (@DoctorVictoria)! The trio discuss taking testosterone, necrophilia, Hitler's mistresses panties, public acts of nudity, and more!
Alice & Natalia are joined by social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller (@JustinLehmiller) to discuss all your fantasies--threesomes, cuckholding, necrophilia, what makes a successful friends with benefits, politicians you're fantasizing about, dick pic studies, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian Sherrod Small (@Sherrod_Small) to review Woodrocket's take on Jurassic Park and see if hybrid pornstar dinosaurs make the cut! The trio discusses Penis Island, bird dicks, lava facts, faux meat, and more!
Alice and Yvette are joined by a monster in the industry, Dredd's penis...oh and AVN-Nominee/XRCO-winner Dredd (@DreddXXX ). We discuss the trials and tribulations of having a larger than average member and ask all the questions you've been sitting on! Did we mention there's dick jokes?
Alice & Kate are joined by adult performer Jaime Jett (@JamieJettXXX)! The trio discuss pole dancing, Woody Allen is the worst, Gym cancellations, planning an orgy, latex, wedding dresses, porn makeup, worst porn scenes, Olympics, Big Bird, Mormons, conventions, and more!
We will draw a cat for you...or at least our guest this week will! Shark Tank alumni and Raccoon penis connoisseur, Steve Gadlin (@CatDrawingGuy), joins Yvette and Alice on this week's episode to review Pee Wee Herman porn. Much like the porn, we go into some strange places with abortion tax laws, a woman named Urethra, vagina volcanos, and Evan Stone...playing everyone.
Yvette and Alice are joined by a man who's humor can only be outmatched by his dick, Tommy Pistol (@TommyPistol ). The multiple AVN award winner sits down with the girls to discuss literal food porn, sex dolls, uncircumcised penises, and the secret to great sex (hint: it's something you aren't "talking about")
Alice & Yvette are joined by Michael Wilson (@Michael86Wilson), Co-Owner & Production Manager of RealDoll (@AbyssCreations). The trio discuss his humble beginnings casting his own dick to RealDoll, image rights, AI & tech, automation, cleanup & maintenance, triple tits, ethics and sex toy regulations.
It's everyone! Alice Vaughn (@rationalblonde), Kate Kennedy (@TheOGKennedy), Meredith Jaqueline (@themeredith), and Natalia Reagan (@natalia13reagan) all join together on this rousing final episode. The ladies discuss porn hospitals, slicing/dicing your vag, handjob models, Nancy throatcoat Reagan, breast pumping, mommy issues, kids, ass men and bass men, favorite guests and future projects.
Thank you for supporting the show, it's been an incredible 3 years
04 Jun 2021
#138- Family Guy
01:24:37
Alice & Kate are joined by comedian Meredith Jaqueline (@themeredith) The trio talk IUDs, dick pics, liposuction, cypto boys, why Austin sucks, being simps for Seth Mcfarlane, our firsts, becoming a pilot, what VR porn & paraplegia have in common, the Greg Abbot Tree Foundation, Lindsay Lohan's lost finger, Woodrocket costumes, oh...and we review the Family Guy porn parody!
Just us on Patreon for a bonus episode! Patreon.com/twogirlsonemic
BONUS PATREON CONTENT INCLUDES: Where we talk apartment deals, target, Kate going to the billboard music awards, Sandy alley, Kate isn't allowed at the Church of scientology, The Chris D'elia Day Care Center, John Mulany, and more
From the director that brought you "Cum Hunters" and maybe watched the Spielberg classic once, we present "ET: XXX", where a horny alien is stranded on Earth and befriends a young woman named Ellie. Alice & Yvette are joined by porn writer, Allison McKnight (@thatmcknight) to review this mess. Join and listen to extra audio with Allison on our Patreon!
Alice Vaughn 0:09 Welcome to Two girls with Mic the podcast that firmly believes hand jobs that come from girls who speak sign language count as blow jobs. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. event is still on medical leave. So I have my beautiful guest host, Natalia Reagan, Natalia How you doing today?
Natalia Reagan 0:25 I'm doing fantastic. Thanks for having me out again. It's always a pleasure, especially with you Alice,
Alice Vaughn 0:30 how do you feel about a sign language? blowjobs
Natalia Reagan 0:34 You know, I'm very proficient in American Sign Language only in blowjobs though, unfortunately, it's all I know. And then the guy love you sign and then also the shocker. The shocker is also a popular that's that's part of sign language correct now, yes. Did
Alice Vaughn 0:47 Coco the gorilla know that fun? I don't think so. I don't think she was aware.
John Fugelsang 0:51 I do a whole bid my act where I teach the audience how to curse in American Sign Language because I get a government grant if it's educational. So I do Oh, yeah. And they have all the curse words like, I'm always like when deaf kids curse like they get their hands washed out with so I don't know what they do. But what matters is all of the curse words are there and they're even more colorful in ASL.
Natalia Reagan 1:11 I wish this was a visual show because I feel like we could be learning so much more, especially when they come up with new words. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. How does that huh? How does Netflix and chill translate to ASL? There just be a lot of this or that's more fisting. But you know, next. Yeah, that's not so chill. Honestly, that's a little bit taking it four steps to forward
John Fugelsang 1:33 for those listening, which is everyone. Natalia just did a hand gesture and flying fisting. Yeah, for the podcast.
Natalia Reagan 1:39 That's actually when I used to play jeopardy. That's how I would remember answers. For some reason I would I'd always blank out but as soon as I would make that fisting motion, it would come to me. I don't I'm not a fan. I don't know why, but it just some sort of like visceral response. It's good to know what work Alex You're back. If
Alice Vaughn 1:53 you have any thoughts, please share them with us. Audience if you have any thoughts about using fisting to remember stuff If you're not the only one,
John Fugelsang 2:02 let us know. At least we know it works for Natalia.
Natalia Reagan 2:07 I'm fun at trivia night. Let me just Oh
John Fugelsang 2:08 yeah. I can't wait for your recovered memory. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 2:13 Considering I'm on a league, you are now officially invited. Okay. Thank you. Fantastic. And a third voice you guys are hearing today is john fugle. Sang from Sirius XM. Tell me everything. JOHN, thank you for joining our little podcast.
John Fugelsang 2:26 That's really a delight I completely enjoy and and bewildered by what you do. And I'm honored and thrilled and sheepish to be here.
Natalia Reagan 2:34 Oh, good. Can we call you john fuel wing for the duration of the show? You know that it's my favorite nickname of You know
John Fugelsang 2:39 what, there's so many ways to make fun of my name, which begins with fpu if that's as creative as you can get. Nathan Lane once said that my name was German for a large apparatus. And his publicist wouldn't let me use the quote. I was crushed. Oh, that's deeply disappointing. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, there's a lot of ways. So Mike, go ahead. You were saying there's many, many ways you
Natalia Reagan 2:58 go bang, bang. I mean, there's that There's a lot you can do I just have considering the content of the podcast, I felt like it was appropriate.
John Fugelsang 3:06 It's a nerdy name for a nerdy kid. And that's why when you asked me to pick a movie, I was like, I will admit, I came to this with a real prejudice because I felt as someone who was alive in the 80s, that comedy ruins porn almost as much as synthesizers in that decade. And so I came to this with a real negative connotation. But when you asked me to pick a film, and I was like, I don't know, I've avoided porn parodies for many, many years. Like, is there anything for Star Wars or the Godfather? And y'all told me there is one for Star Wars and I think that's so great. They're doing Star Wars, porn parodies, because that's a way to introduce young men who are into sci fi and fantasy to porn. So now they'll be gateway.
Natalia Reagan 3:47 Exactly. This is their gateway film. Not like they need more, but they do. They absolutely do.
Alice Vaughn 3:54 I mean, if you are a huge sci fi nerd and you've never watched porn, I mean, seriously, you were disgraced to win sales.
Natalia Reagan 4:00 Right. I feel like that's how they get all their information honestly is just through I wish they were porn parodies because anyone have a sense of humor on top of it right? I mean, I feel like that's the problem is they just have the burning need to have non consensual sex but without the sense of humor don't realize how wrong
John Fugelsang 4:16 that is. And they really should stop when I was a young nerd like an incel meant you were afraid of women, not that you also despise them and wanted to punish them for enjoying their sexuality in cells have really gone off the rails in my opinion. Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 4:28 And I completely agree with you. Unfortunately, that what it takes for someone to become an insult is just a lot of horrible interactions. Unfortunately, I know that we had Nina Hartley on the show and during which she discussed that she feels bad for insults, and I frankly, don't blame her. I mean, aside from the horrific misogyny and terrible things they say, if you peel back the layer of this shitty onion if you work with me on this, get there how you become a damaged person. Not fun
John Fugelsang 4:59 Look, men cannot control the way they feel. They can control the way they behave. So like, you know, it's one thing to be lonely to be rejected by women. But like I come from a time when that man you either had to get good at dancing or have a sense of humor. And I didn't know that just being a pig was an option all along. So I mean, jeez, I worked way too hard trying to learn how to talk to people and and listen them tell jokes. But to me, it's like if you're on line all day and living in your parents basement and watching porn and being a misogynist racist on the internet. What part of that is involuntary you are signing up for a celibate life of a five fingered orgy starring you and you alone and solo?
right thank you respecting women and listening to women is the first step away from insell asshole them because you're signing up for it when you're being a misogynist. So I feel bad for them, but also only they can lift themselves out of it.
Alice Vaughn 5:55 I agree. And that's the thing. Once you get into that mindset and you surround yourself with committee, immunity that's cheering you on? Yes and help because then you can easily come out of it until people start challenging you.
John Fugelsang 6:08 Except that now we have names for it. Like when I was a young guy and new guys like this, it was just Oh, is this how it is? This is how guys you're supposed to think. And I actually like labeling and things like in cells because it's going to make it harder for young men not pre determined to massage need to fall into that swamp.
Natalia Reagan 6:24 Now an examples of how you can get out of it. I mean, there's plenty of examples of men that have lifted themselves out of it and found a way to not be complete Nutter
John Fugelsang 6:32 asshats I just say guys, like the real thing is better than porn. I mean, good got nothing against porn. God bless. But you know, like take a dance class, take an improv class, find something you're good at. You know how many amazing women in their 30s and 40s and 50s are willing to lower their standards so much to have a date on a Friday and that I'm right here that's just la I'm talking of LA is like the mecca for lame guys like lame guy should bow to LA like it's Mecca five times a day and pray. That's where you will Braking low frequency dude bro losers can get incredible women with low self esteem and that's the good news and sales really.
Natalia Reagan 7:08 I was born and raised in Los Angeles and unfortunately I can attest to what john is saying it is true. I have dated some lovely humans in my life, but let's just say my mom has scolded me many times for lowering the bar to a point where she herself was completely flabbergasted and disgusted. Yeah, yeah. So no, that's a red flag Central. But you know, just keep going. The red flags are almost like it's like your bowl and you just go for the Matador. You just kind of go for it. That's what I feel like LA is
Alice Vaughn 7:36 all about No, I get it. I mean, you lowered the bar so much you just trip over it. Yes.
Natalia Reagan 7:41 And trip on it. And God knows what falls on what so there you have it.
John Fugelsang 7:45 No, I'm saying But again, it's not to say I'm anti porn at the same time. Like I'm very pro free expression pro erotica. I'm pro men watching porn that women write and direct and produce much less but I do shudder to think that there's an entire general of young men and young women who are going to learn everything they know about human sexuality from a couple of roid rage misogynists in the valley with crappy lighting who seemingly use the same floral bedspread for every film. Bad porn is also a bad sex ed teacher. And the fact is that not just our birth rates going down, but the rates of men having sex in every category, including high school have gone down, which tells me there's a lot of guys who would rather just stay home and watch the laptop that actually go out there. And
Natalia Reagan 8:31 I don't think they would rather I don't think they know how that's I actually I was just talking about this the other day, a good friend of mine wrote a movie called where the Millers and there's a scene in that movie that eventually did not make the final cut, but it was a kid like you just mentioned that wanted so badly to have sex but he learned everything he did from porn. My friend and I, the screenwriter actually got in a fight because the line in the movie because this kid was so disillusioned about what sex was he just turned to his male mentor and said, I just want a girl that I can have dinner with and wants me to Come in her face, because he thought that that's what women wanted. And I had to explain to him it's not come in the face, it's come on the face. His name is john. And I was like, no, it's we had a fight for like a good two days about whether it was coming in the face or on the face, which I eventually won. But just that idea that I think there's kids that wanted but they just don't know how about go about getting it. And they're probably, and women too, if they don't know exactly how it's supposed to be done. And so there's just like, you know, square pegs and round holes, just not really working anymore, because it's not really a dialogue and nobody's teaching them you know, and Alice and I talked about this the other day, like, our parents aren't gonna sit us down and say, This is how you, you know, play with your clitoral, but like porn can teach you that, or, you know, better sex ed. I don't know I had a class called loving. I went to Catholic school need a class where Dr. Klein who was a 60 plus year old woman showing us how to put condoms on bananas, but also showing us where the interest was. And I remember being horrified. You know, because it's Catholic school, but she still thought it was important enough for us to know.
John Fugelsang 9:56 There Anna was Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 9:57 And that's a great thing about the show. We really do. Try normalizing and let's actually have conversations about sex and porn and what actually happens in porn. And I mean, we've had multiple guests in past episodes talk about everything that's fake you know everything from the acting the orgasms. Hey, she's not actually screaming because she's enjoying it. She has a leg cramp. She's been trying to get that for the past 20 minutes or the fact that I was telling Antalya this over lunch. But we've mentioned before on the show, that a lot of the shots are just fake. I mean, I'm sorry to disappoint most of you, but it's just moisturizer.
John Fugelsang 10:33 I saw a documentary in Europe about how they do that with a turkey based or off camera and yeah, I mean, at all, but to me, that's another side of the the dark side of this if aliens landed on earth and watched our porn, they would logically conclude that human females can see through the chin.
Unknown Speaker 10:53 Or the I
Alice Vaughn 10:55 mean, there's and true monogamy is knowing just when to choke her without her telling you
John Fugelsang 11:01 exactly well you only slap the ones you love.
Natalia Reagan 11:04 God no on the donkey punches yeah no I feel like porn and also Photoshop. I mean, it's very similar in the fact that like you're getting a completely missed representation of what a person or what a thing is in terms of, of sexual intercourse because it's completely I mean well I don't know I can't speak for everyone sex life some people might have a completely every night is just a new porno. But for the most part, it's pretty mundane. I think especially after 1015 years of being together, you know, sure
Alice Vaughn 11:30 everything maybe some people have been looking for love in all the wrong places. So Ah, yes, we have a porn to review today and it is Star Wars triple x the 2012 edition by Axel Braun. And I know what you guys are thinking of Star Wars porn. Yes. Finally we got to Star Wars. By the way. I'm so excited because I grew up I love Star Wars. I actually have some original Star Wars film sells next to me on a table because I love Star Wars Episode Four that much. Wow.
Natalia Reagan 12:01 Yes, I'm wearing Star Wars underoos right now I shouldn't I should let you
John Fugelsang 12:04 both know that I'm raising a small boy in second grade. We know what religion we're raising him in. He actually got a children's Bible from his grandma, where Jesus said, Everyone is Caucasian, and I'm done with that. And he came in one day and said, Jesus turned water to wine with the force. And I did not correct him. Yeah. And I'm also proud to have had a lot of, you know, performers from the films on my radio show, and I've known Mark Hamill for years. And he's a great guy. And I mean, I'm part of a generation that was a little boy when the first one came out. And it really became, in many ways our religion for a generation of young men. Then in the prequels George Lucas made us all atheist again, but But still, the programming stays with you and for me as a kid, like my parents, were ex clergy, right? I saw the whole Darth Vader Luke Skywalker thing really reflecting in a much more acute way the God and Jesus thing not to get too lofty, but you know, like, the father is a lot more powerful, but the son is not An incredible dick. So like, for I think for a whole generation of young people, we learn to understand religion and even myth from the Star Wars films when Yoda says luminous beings are we not this crude matter? That was the first time I understood the human soul. So like I'm down with it, and that's why I came to a porn parody. A little terrified, like, would they ruin Star Wars? Would it be people who didn't appreciate Star Wars who were making this and just making fun of it?
Alice Vaughn 13:24 I love Zack and Miri Make a Porno. And I always wanted to see Seth Rogen, ill fated Star Wars. So I'm just so glad to know that four years later, you know, Axel Braun blessed us and basically picked up where he left off and I have to say, my gut reaction to this is I loved it. This by the way itself one, I believe seven avian awards, six x v. v IDs and an award from exercise zero. So that's our direction Best Screenplay Best Director, an xR co for best parody and a VPN for best parody and an XPS for parody released to the year kill us. Lot of awards. I mean, I don't think the Peewee Herman film that I saw one as many and that was really good.
Natalia Reagan 14:07 Yeah, I mean, when I first watched it, I didn't find it because I'm so used to have Mel Brooks his version of what a parody is and I felt like there was so many missed opportunities because they felt like they weren't quite parroting it they're almost doing like a shot for shot remake of it but giving it some comedic spins because it was they didn't change the names. I felt like there were so many missed opportunities with like screw Baka, and Han Solo I mean layers just layer that makes sense, but there's just so many things that could have done but they definitely wanted to stay It was almost as if somebody saw it like john saw it as like a religious experience. So they didn't want to tinker with it too much, but I expected
John Fugelsang 14:42 it to be blasphemy, you know, like I expected it to be what surprised me the most about it beyond the fact that there's a whole lot of incest and bestiality if you want to be objective with this.
Alice Vaughn 14:52 Yeah, and the most terrifying Chewbacca you've ever seen in your life.
John Fugelsang 14:55 Yeah, and the racial politics are kind of as if he is the first Star Wars but Yeah, what surprised me the most was that this was clearly a parody. And again, I don't like porn parodies, something I'm morally opposed to. I was so impressed in the beginning how, like, in the first five minutes, someone mentions Admiral Thrawn, who's from the books, never in a film and he's on Star Wars Rebels, the animated series. And I thought, whoa, real fans made this. And what surprised me was, it wasn't about denigrating Star Wars. It was about copying it, remaking it. And the guy who plays Luke is astonishing with the voice. And yeah, a lot of it's like, played for laughs and there's some things in here were really problematic, but like, first I couldn't believe a How are these people not sued? I mean, like, I know, but I was like, holy crap. is George Lucas being ripped off like I've never worried about his finances in a very long time. But I mean, the ships are the same. I mean, Darth Vader's Darth Vader, his costumes almost completely the same. They literally play the Imperial March. I don't know how they got away with that with the music. That's total
Natalia Reagan 15:58 canteen. Yeah. The campaign was slightly different the tune but not
John Fugelsang 16:02 much, but I could tell they they love it and for all the problems I had with it, and I have several, I was amazed by the budget. And I was just kind of moved by how clearly these people really know Star Wars. They know that dialogue inside out. There's direct lines of dialogue, where they put in jokes, and these are lines I've heard hundreds of times in my life, but I never, I mean, they have a running gag in the last act of the film, where they're all more or less doing the same exact joke like I bet you say that to all the men winds up being really funny and really clever how they find unexpected humor in the dialogue we all love. I can tell it was made by fans and awesome schlock guys who just wanted to make a buck off it.
Alice Vaughn 16:41 And we've seen a fair amount of porn parodies on this show, but I've never seen one that essentially recreate something shot for shot. I think the closest GM is the peewee one. But this one is just it's so mind blowing how much of the original script that they integrated into this. There was times I felt Like I was watching fan fiction instead of a porn until a blowjob scene came on. Yeah.
Natalia Reagan 17:07 There were a couple that just the sex scenes just sort of Wait Wait, what? How did you know in the canteen? I was like, hold up what's going on? Who did weren't okay cool? Fine. You got to find space somewhere.
John Fugelsang 17:17 I think all the Intel's who wanted to remake the last Jedi finally have the platform where that can be pulled off effectively. But yeah, and and again, I know we're not supposed to watch the sex scenes I skipped through most of them. But there's a couple of like, really kind of weird and problematic things that this film does that if you were a Star Wars fan, you realize Whoo, really not cool. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 17:35 Which ones are you talking about? Because I just couldn't help but continue watching the entire Chewbacca threesome because he kept growing and I have stories about why that one's even more interesting. But tell me which ones that
John Fugelsang 17:48 you're seeing really made me understand that I'm going to the wrong three parties. I mean, I've got a Craigslist I lost the whole community because my furry parties are nothing like what this guy goes through. Okay. Really quick, Leah has sex with her father and brother. It's not Oh, yeah, mentioned that way. But that's what you're getting into.
Natalia Reagan 18:06 In the beginning when there's have a scroll up, they cross out something I believe it says father.
John Fugelsang 18:10 Yes. I mean, like,
Natalia Reagan 18:11 they're trying so hard. But like, I remember watching this and when she started playing with herself, and I thought, Oh, god, no, no dad, daughter, no, don't like this. And then he pulls out his huge black hawk. And I thought,
well, maybe there, it's an adopted situate. I'm trying to like rationalize. And
then exactly
John Fugelsang 18:31 what's the problem with the first Star Wars film? There's nobody, like one black guy in the background instead of waiting for the whole movie. And like, it's interesting, because the film is more progressive in many ways. Unlike George Lucas, they have female pilots in the new hope things like that. But beginning and I thought, how are they going to do a porn parody of a movie that just has one female character the entire time? Turns out ancillary women get a workout but I'm the one black guy, you know, there were no African Americans in Star Wars. So he made Lando and Lando is a terrific actor. Empire Strikes Back and delete Williams has played him on the animated shows too. But the only African American here it's like a different kind of exploitation. We talk about African American men exploited for the male, Caucasian gaze as sex objects, just like women in porn if you want to get academic about it, but here there's one black guy, he's wearing a Darth Vader costume and only one part of him ever comes out to reveal that he's black. Well,
Alice Vaughn 19:24 in Episode Four, we're not going to see any other part of Vader. So that's true.
Natalia Reagan 19:28 We didn't see any other part of Chewbacca, but then again, in theory, he's not wearing a costume
John Fugelsang 19:32 and go to buck has got a retractable Pinkie one.
Natalia Reagan 19:35 Yeah, I wonder if he has a baculum I mean, if he is Park dog, this is a scientist in me. Yeah, so the penis bone is present in many mammals. Most non human primates have a baculum or a penis bone. JOHN, I can't speak for you. Most humans don't. I don't know if you have a baculum but in theory, she got
John Fugelsang 19:53 so big. It's got a knee in it.
Natalia Reagan 19:58 Fantastic. I heard that. No, that just inspired my Siri to go off.
John Fugelsang 20:02 I know Siri,
Alice Vaughn 20:03 to your point, john, you're right. The difficulty with turning Star Wars originally even into a porn is that there's really one central woman, Leah, and we're not counting and Peru because you know, although that scene would be pretty hot. It was a joke about
John Fugelsang 20:17 that. Yeah. When Han says not many girls on the moisture farm, there's there's a lot of clever lines of this thing. Yeah. And also, I will say she looks a lot more like Daisy Ridley than Carrie Fisher, which made it a bit easier for me.
Alice Vaughn 20:30 There you go. Yeah. Ellie Hayes looks really great as Leah so I don't know. I mean, I know it looks like Carrie Fisher's daughter, but I'll take it comes really close for porn.
John Fugelsang 20:40 I agree. And again, the guy playing Luke is astonishing. He's got the boys down so well.
Natalia Reagan 20:45 And the guy who played on looks like the new Han, I think very much.
Alice Vaughn 20:49 Yeah, the guy who played Luke was Seth gamble. And he actually also played Deadpool which we reviewed recently. He killed it in Deadpool and killed it. He nailed that. Luke's wine Enos
John Fugelsang 21:01 Yeah, and I will say you know as Obi Wan Allah Dennis lost the Best Supporting Actor, but this there'll be one wins best score. He was
Alice Vaughn 21:10 Tom Byron's alcoholic Obi Wan is
Natalia Reagan 21:14 really funny. Good. I just yeah, I loved the sand. Yeah, boning sand people left and right. She was fantastic.
John Fugelsang 21:22 Be like, obviously over the top, gay stereotypical see threepio was really tacky and very 80s and really made me think I was gonna be watching a stupid film. And I'm glad that humor got better as it went on. Mm hmm. See, threepio was
Alice Vaughn 21:33 also played by Shuji LaRue. Oh, yeah. So someone who historically has done a lot of work within the gay community so interesting.
John Fugelsang 21:43 That makes it easier than the guy who plays Chewbacca is named dick Tibbles, and everything
Alice Vaughn 21:48 that just feels right actually, for the sex scene where Chewbacca I feel like we should almost go a little bit scene by scene just so we can break down. Yes, we have so much to say about each scene. Maybe we should just start from the beginning. So in the beginning, we open with that CGI budget. I've never watched a movie that had so much CGI where I was just in awe. I mean,
John Fugelsang 22:08 like I expected the worst. I expected it to be just like atrocious in the CGI. And I was kind of impressed that like, not just the comedy was better than expected, but the special effects were better than expected.
Natalia Reagan 22:19 Yeah, yeah. I was expecting it to be stopmotion or some sort, you know, I mean, like, using models and things of that sort. That would have also been very funny, I think because I'm also a somebody who loves parody and like the absurd, that would have also been fine with me. But yeah, I think they did a very good job, just sort of, like yeah, and like shot for shot.
John Fugelsang 22:36 I thought it was going to be like really, really just tacky, deliberately sloppy humor, and as it went on, I mean, I've never said this before about a porn parody, but I was so impressed with the dialogue. Right.
Alice Vaughn 22:47 And you have fantastic dialogue between C threepio and artoo D two. And by the way, I was kind of in shock because in the credits and I think they listed this as a joke they listed Tommy Gunn famous porn actor. As playing r two D two. There is no sexy of our two D tos in this just to preface this for anyone who's going in, that was disappointing.
John Fugelsang 23:12 There's a lot of interspecies relationships but not a lot of AI.
Natalia Reagan 23:16 Also, I call it interspecies mingling.
Alice Vaughn 23:19 So in the beginning, we have Vader who comes in, you know, he's even choking one of the people, you know, trying to interrogate him and accidentally breaks his neck. And I'm shocked that throughout this whole thing, we didn't have a Vader, you know, during, for example, the later sex scene between Vader in layout where you know, he's not trying to choke her or, yeah, choke me daddy. Opportunity didn't get that seriously. She could have said choke me Daddy, and that would have applied to someone someone would have loved that.
John Fugelsang 23:47 That's for the sequel with Darth Rocco siffredi.
Natalia Reagan 23:50 Yeah, Empire Strikes Back. Oh, if it doesn't already exists, it really should. Yeah, I also felt like there were missed opportunities with the cameltoe line. I'm just doing used to again like no Mel Brooks if you're gonna have a cameltoe there needs to be underwear with a printed cameltoe on it or something just because it's just like, okay, we get it. It's a cameltoe but, and I feel like the stormtroopers I called them foreign troopers just because it just felt, you know, like for going to have parody it. So I wrote my notes. But yeah, they're just a bunch of Valley girls, which is kind of ridiculous. And no, I mean, somewhat amusing. I felt,
Alice Vaughn 24:22 but that's how you get more women into it.
Natalia Reagan 24:24 Now you have to, but I kind of wanted to go see a little Dom a melon of them. We're just kind of like dumbed it. See, I'm a guy blinds like, I like a counter. That's cool. You know, I kind of wanted them to be very Butch and some having some books down characteristics that would have been fun.
John Fugelsang 24:38 A lot of the women were almost attractive enough to be at an actual Comic Con, which I couldn't say 20 years ago, but mines where you realize how much they love the series like they talk about holocrons and this holocrons You only know about if you watch like the Star Wars animated show, and then you know when our two shows the hologram and he says wait, playback the entire message and threepio says Oh, no, the first taste is always free, like, so much really sharp wit in this thing, that it's rare. I say the comedy was better than the porn part.
Natalia Reagan 25:08 Yeah, although I missed the missed opportunity for parsecs instead of parsecs. I did like the fact that he did correct him on the fact that parsecs is a measure of distance rather than time. Yeah, that was good. I felt like that was the Neil deGrasse Tyson, actually, you know, of the film of bringing in the science which you know, you don't necessarily expect from a pornographic film,
John Fugelsang 25:30 a lot of it felt like like if I was at a Star Wars rocky harbour where people had been waiting the shout out for years, like when Luke says, but I was going to the Tashi stage to pick up some power converters and Uncle Owen just is like, take it easy, Luke, you're going to need your inhaler. Like a line that we've all laughed at for years to get in the last third of the movie. They do a gag, like it's so rare to find a good running gag in anything. But like when Leah says you came in that thing. You're braver than I thought solo says it I can see that the lots of guys. And then like later solo goes when he has the line. Sometimes I amaze even myself. She says, I bet you say that to lots of girls. And then in the end when solo says let's blow this again go home. Luke says I bet you say that to a lot of men. Like as a comedian I was applauding the running gag and and just playing that over and over again and finding three different parts in the last 10 minutes of the film where they could milk that
Alice Vaughn 26:24 Yeah, my personal favorite was the running gag they had with the waiter and Jeff fader
Unknown Speaker 26:28 Oh my god, the tray, the tray.
Alice Vaughn 26:31 So there's a waiter who keeps coming in and interrupting the tray from the cantina trying to deliver food to Jeff fader. So
Natalia Reagan 26:43 it's so stupid but great,
Alice Vaughn 26:45 and it happens multiple times place throughout the film, and ultimately it culminates with, there's a fire in the kitchen and that's why the Deathstar ultimately explodes because it happens to be next to
Unknown Speaker 26:57 the core reactor Of course,
John Fugelsang 26:58 like every gopher I mean, by the way, the guy playing Tarkin gets no sex scenes and looks nothing like Peter Cushing. But he begged for it. Man, this guy like he did not treat this like a porn. They hired real actors
to come in and do this.
Alice Vaughn 27:14 Oh my god, yes. And they had some big stars also, who were just doing cameo. So I'm like, think, Wait, is that Tommy pistol and Ryan driller? What are they doing? And they have one line and they're gone.
John Fugelsang 27:27 Yeah, I mean, you could tell there was a lot of affection for porn and for Star Wars and in that sense, I think it was designed to be watched over and over again by real fans.
Natalia Reagan 27:36 It does remind me of I mean, again, I'm gonna keep bringing up Mel Brooks I do love that sort of attention to detail and watching a film five times and being like, I didn't even notice that I didn't even notice that I didn't even see this joke. I you know, it just they keep coming. They keep coming, which is good. I agree. You always want your pornos to keep coming.
John Fugelsang 27:52 Ah, but I actually thought this movie was much more reference to Star Wars than Spaceballs was Spaceballs is making fun or worse. Was this film? Yeah, it's a parody, but like they treat it as holy scripture. There's inside jokes that only diehards are gonna get in this film. Mm hmm. I mean,
Alice Vaughn 28:07 you never completely understand in the original wide was at the sand people ran off after Obi Wan made a weird sound. But now we understand because if a Jedi fucks you in the ass in sand, you're gonna run away because you don't want that to happen again. It answers so much. She seemed to enjoy it. I know she hissed at the end. Yeah. So many mixed message. Oh, so just shout out to the sound effects going on during the sex scene. So during the layer and Vader sex scene while she's going down on him, you have the Vader breath going on.
For a solid five, six minutes. Then you have chewy growling tick. Cheers. throughout his entire scene you have his just during sand people oh and Cantina music playing in the background for three minutes 30 minutes of Cantina music?
John Fugelsang 29:12 Yeah, and then a lot of it is like straight up. I mean, a lot of it's not parody. It's straight up john Williams gonna call his lawyer when he sees it. And there's a twilight girl sex scene which a lot of installs like myself have waited their entire adult lives for more than one example of interspecies Congress in this movie.
Natalia Reagan 29:29 Yes, exactly. No, it definitely hinges on the line of much Sdlt much incest, but I love how they really went out of their way saying it's really nice that we're not related. It's so great.
John Fugelsang 29:40 Yes, they I mean, they know it. It was all full of insight to that's what I found the most heartwarming about it was just the love of Star Wars and the source dialogue.
Natalia Reagan 29:49 Absolutely. You knew that the buildup was going to happen and you knew that in the end laya was going to
John Fugelsang 29:55 It was great. I can't wait to show it to my weekend. I can't wait
Alice Vaughn 30:00 He will I found out that the second DVD of this film actually has the entire film which is running time of well over an hour, but minus all the sex scenes so you can't show it to him.
John Fugelsang 30:12 Oh my god. Well, yeah. Oh,
Natalia Reagan 30:14 really? Well, there are allusions to sex and sexual innuendo, but it's not that dirty it really it's not like fact the future where it's like cock brown you know, the names are just the names and, and the jokes are more innuendo than anything you know? I feel like like an Obi Wan I love Obi Wan as the comedic relief that to me is just was fantastic. I couldn't get enough of that.
John Fugelsang 30:38 Talk Brown.
Natalia Reagan 30:40 Oh, yeah, that john I in fact, the future let me just tell you I had not watched much porn parody. And then I watched that for my first episode on here. Oh, look at the kiters or
John Fugelsang 30:50 I had to get up because I had a problem. I had a crisis with the dog in the corner and now the cat is just getting in the shot.
Natalia Reagan 30:54 That's great. My cat was just trying to climb on me so we're we're all getting attacked. Yeah, but but The difference between this podcast and the film we just watched is we will not have sex with our pets. That's what oh god no, no, no, I would never never. Never do that. Never. I mean, I'm not gonna make that mistake again. I promise.
Unknown Speaker 31:15 You shag one sheep
John Fugelsang 31:17 with just one. Just one. Look, it got me out of the Air Force. What do you want, but I'd never
Alice Vaughn 31:23 I find your lack of nudity disturbing.
Natalia Reagan 31:26 Obi Wan drinking piss was pretty fantastic. That was pretty good. I just thought he was such a good comedic relief that I just couldn't get over how, although there was one point when he was talking about Luke's father and he called him a cunning warrior and I was very disappointed for not the follow up. Of You know, he didn't follow up with Well, how did my father die? Well, a young Jedi named Darth Vader who was a pupil of mine until I cut off his arm and left him in a river of lava lava.
Unknown Speaker 31:59 It was was a great visual.
Alice Vaughn 32:02 The only redeeming visual from the prequels.
John Fugelsang 32:05 Actually, I would watch these if they remade the prequels this way. I mean, you can make the argument This is a porn film with better acting than much of the first superhero.
Natalia Reagan 32:12 Oh my god. Oh, yeah, much better. I was very impressed with all the actors. You know. I mean, there's only a few times that I was like, come on, where do you walk in off the street?
John Fugelsang 32:20 It's true. They weren't phoning it in. I mean, like they really, they really tried to make it a real movie. I think the fact that they have so much hubris, they'll release a cut with all the sex parts taken out shows how maybe a little too seriously, they took it.
Natalia Reagan 32:33 Okay, guys, it's not that good. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 32:35 not that good. Believe me. It's not It's not what I would call a good film Solo is a better use of your time to watch. But having said that, it's as a porn parody. It's miles I mean, and I'm a snob. So I haven't watched a porn parody since I was like 18 and was like, Oh, am I funny and not sexy. So I was just so impressed by the budget, the creativity. And again, the fact that they really really love the source material. I can't wait to see them. You know, do a porn parody of Lawrence of Arabia. That's all guys of mine bad example. But I can
Natalia Reagan 33:04 probably, I mean, there probably is a porn parody, but it probably is all guys. That's true.
Alice Vaughn 33:10 And that
Natalia Reagan 33:11 would be just for a different audience. Yeah.
John Fugelsang 33:12 Lawrence in Arabia or something. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 33:16 Now, I have to say speaking of solo, the one character that I wasn't impressed with was the casting for Han Solo. I felt Rocco Reed played like an okay Han Solo. I don't know if there's a porn equivalent of Harrison Ford out there somewhere. But it just felt a little flat to me for this film. So
John Fugelsang 33:34 honestly, I agree with you. I felt like the guy playing Luke was a big fan of the original movie. I felt the guy playing Han Solo had seen the original movie, not for several years and just you know, played it based on memory.
Alice Vaughn 33:46 I mean, Seth gamble not only nailed you know, like I mentioned before, no, wind Enos and even you know, to the point where he even makes which in retrospect makes so much reasonable sense of like, why is there no one warning label on a lightsaber before you hand it to someone. Yeah he
Natalia Reagan 34:04 plays an affable sweet moron like just the biggest dum dum and in so well i mean but also still ridiculously hot so it's it he treads a fine line. Whereas Han Solo I felt like did not bring the same sort of swagger or you know, saltiness Yeah, that you need to be agree on. Mm hmm.
Alice Vaughn 34:24 Now did Tribbles, though, so tell me more about well, I first encountered dick Tibbles in when we started covering I think the Wizard of Oz like way back in Episode Three last year. Was he the lion? No, he was out the tin man. Oh, he's
John Fugelsang 34:42 been stiffed for a year. Hey.
Natalia Reagan 34:46 Got a loop that guy up.
Alice Vaughn 34:47 So fun fact about the costume and wasn't finished by the time they had Chewbacca sexy. So first off, how do we describe Chewbacca costume? It's, it looks like in I'm gonna butcher This dog name but like effin pinscher Oh yeah,
Natalia Reagan 35:03 how do you say that dogs? I don't know but they're like it looks like a Brussels Griffin or something. I thought
John Fugelsang 35:09 he looked like a rug with a glory hole.
Alice Vaughn 35:11 Like an effin pincher fucked a big foot.
Natalia Reagan 35:13 Pretty much. Yeah, he's very he's got a great Sasquatch thing going on, but his face j it looks like yeah, and half his picture. The pug is sort of face where it's all just sort of squished together. The blue eyes was a little jarring. And the braids on his chin, the braids, I almost felt like they should have had some flowers to them to kind of give him an added hipster thing. But this is 2012 perhaps too ahead of its time. You know, that would have been all too much. A man bun would have been really a gentle touch. Honestly, if we brought Chewbacca back, you know? Yeah, an IPA with a man bun some braids.
Alice Vaughn 35:46 We could film the whole thing in Brooklyn and still be under budget. Oh dear.
Natalia Reagan 35:51 We can do this. I know some people in Red Hook. We can make this happen.
Alice Vaughn 35:55 Casting for a walks is easy. Everybody has
John Fugelsang 35:57 dogs here. Right? That's a sub fetish of Furies
Unknown Speaker 36:00 Oh dear God, oh no. He walks.
Alice Vaughn 36:05 Since the costume wasn't finished in time for the sex scenes, do you know what they did to hold it together? No safety pens. Now, patrons of the show they've already listened. And they know this because one of the people that helped right and helped out on the film, we've had her on as a guest host, Alison McKnight gave us this little spoiler where she was on the set of filming this. And so they were using safety pins. And while he was on his back, they kept on clipping. So those safety pins were driving into his back so they had to keep cutting during the sex. And he had to keep popping little blue pills. So more and more blood thinners. So I Agra Yeah, to stay hard throughout the entire scene for like a solid hour and a half and that sex scene was only what 15 minutes long. Wow, Jesus. Did he bleed out? Did we lose him? Did we lose two triples? No. He's still around. Thankfully, oh my goodness. But I mean, this is a man who has dedicated himself that much to his craft that he will take this type of pain for you people.
John Fugelsang 37:08 And he's like 52 like he's a seasoned porn star.
Natalia Reagan 37:11 Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I just thought my first thought when I when that scene started was I've worn a lot of costumes. That sounds bad, but I've allowed a lot of like Bigfoot costumes in my life. They're hot as hell so I just thought about how hot He must be under that costume while getting all the sex from all like those two different ladies every which way from Sunday so I just you know, more power to him and he's getting poked with pins or Yeah, you know so many poker things in I know.
John Fugelsang 37:37 And what did he get out of it? Just you know, paycheck and sex with two hot women. I mean, really?
Natalia Reagan 37:43 Hero hero right where
John Fugelsang 37:45 he took one for the two for the team actually took
Unknown Speaker 37:47 two he did happen.
Natalia Reagan 37:51 Where is that man? I want to pat him on the back
Alice Vaughn 37:53 said the only place you want to pat him.
Unknown Speaker 37:55 No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I
Natalia Reagan 37:59 think I've had my Fill of Big Foot eight. My life. I'm good. I've Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 38:05 Any chance you still have any of those costumes? Because I do.
Natalia Reagan 38:09 Well, Todd does. We have them at NYU, the big foot and the Eddie. Well, I have a gorilla costume back in LA. I have
Alice Vaughn 38:15 some people who might be interested. Okay.
John Fugelsang 38:19 They can use the Yeti when they make the wampa and the Empire blows back or whatever you call the strokes.
Natalia Reagan 38:25 strokes back blows back is good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, the Yeti would be a good time to a little bit. Yeah, it'd be good. Just rip it open. Just take a nap. And man, that's cool. What else? Did you have the tauntaun sleeping bag. That's what's something you should get your kid.
John Fugelsang 38:38 Oh, okay. I'll get on that right away. Yeah, already got like a Kylo Ren sleeping bag. I've got so much I like old Star Wars sheets. I mean, we're definitely raising the kid in this religion. So it was very, very funny to watch the Star Wars thing I'll never watch with him. We're actually never because we're doing the cycle. Like the whole deal was to watch everything Star Wars up until episode nine comes out. So like we got through episode one and two and now We're in the middle of the Clone Wars series. And then we got three. And then we got so low then we have the whole rebel series. So we're giving us two months to do this. And it was like so weird to watch this particular movie in the middle of this Father, Son binge watch.
Here to help you know what, it's something for the other hemisphere of my brain and I appreciated that.
Natalia Reagan 39:22 Another thing I really liked was the bickering between Vader and the Emperor just going back and forth and just being wasn't at the Emperor. What's his name? Harken?
John Fugelsang 39:31 Yeah, yeah, they gave Darth Vader one of the Emperor's lines like and one of the early scenes they they took an emperor line from Return of the Jedi and gave it to Darth Vader in this one. Like which one which was that I got to go back and watch it. It's in the scene where with the delivery guy, but I think there are so many easter eggs in here for you know, guys who like sci fi and porn. I assume there's some overlap and those Venn diagrams.
Natalia Reagan 39:54 I'd be shocked to find anything. Yeah, I'm interested in what the casting was like and how people probably were campaigning to get roles cuz like you said, Alice, there are so many porn stars that have very small cameos. Like, I wonder if it was like the guy. And there's so many actors in it that I'm pretty sure not porn stars, and you just kind of wonder how they got there, you know, because this is something that you know, is gonna do well, if it's the first Star Wars parody in 2012.
John Fugelsang 40:19 You know, like, I don't know how porn makes money anymore. Like, I don't know, where they got the budgets. I don't know how they didn't. Right. But like, this seemed like a film that was designed to have men buy it, not just watch five minutes of it on a website, but to actually pay for an entire download of a whole movie.
Alice Vaughn 40:35 Yeah. So I know that on the second DVD, other than having the entire film without the sex scenes, I believe they also have table readings, from people trying to get the parts. That's funny. Yeah. And then they never do that in porn,
John Fugelsang 40:46 the oral sex scenes because I'm sure not all of that was scripted. There's a lot of what I don't think was actually in the text, but I'd love to see that.
Natalia Reagan 40:55 They're trying to think of how that looks written out. Yeah. Give me a minute.
Alice Vaughn 41:01 So am I supposed to gargle or spit right now? I can't it's just it says God. It just says
Natalia Reagan 41:08 like, what noise is that? That was a good Chewbacca Alice I really respect It's very nice.
Alice Vaughn 41:13 Yeah, I was good. I wasn't even me trying Chewbacca. Oh God, do I do Chewbacca then when I'm nevermind, I'm trying to think of now that you do blue Baka. But a lot of these paradigms really don't have a lot of money anymore. And we've talked about this in detail, you know, the ones that do still have money to create parodies are like wood rocket that are now subsequently owned by Pornhub and sponsored by them to create the content and they get their money through ad rev and subscription sales rally, right. But most people don't pay for their porn and we highly encourage it, because how else are you going to give back any of this?
John Fugelsang 41:47 Yeah, Hilton Hotels. I mean, I don't know how they make their money anymore. And I don't want targeted advertising to happen. So I mean, it's nice to see that they're actually making stuff designed to be sold as a two disc DVD set. Because I'm convinced I don't know how you look up the sales but I'm convinced is a lot of people who would own this because they like the artistry that went into the parity.
Natalia Reagan 42:08 Sure, but unfortunately not a lot of people have DVD players anymore.
John Fugelsang 42:11 That's also why No, that's true. By the way, I have 700 DVD porn, so if you guys want to know where I can unload these, but yeah.
I don't know where the old porn goes. Where does the
VHS porn gold? Is it just gonna dump? Was it in South America? Where's it migrate
Natalia Reagan 42:27 there in my mom's closet right now my best friend gave me all his gay old gay porn VHS as a joke. He left it on my my doorstep. And it somehow ended up in my mom's closet. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 42:38 there's like six old guys love all of the HS pour. And you're they're hoarding it.
Alice Vaughn 42:42 Yeah, we send it to Cuba.
John Fugelsang 42:44 That's probably it. It's in the third world and then you know, they're wondering why Americans all have big hair and pubic hair. They're watching 80s VHS porn.
Natalia Reagan 42:51 That's why the bushes back. Why do they like the mustache? so much? So much mustache? Yeah, there's a lot of confusion of what we're into. No, Ira. I remember years ago I've told Alice the story but I worked on a movie with Ron Jeremy not that kind of movie. He was stunt casting in a film where he's supposed to play a puritanical producer and so I had to do his wardrobe but also cut out pictures and make them look like they're Family Photos cuz I didn't have Photoshop at the time it was like 2002 or three. And so I cut out pictures of his face from the back of porno and then glued them into family photos
Unknown Speaker 43:28 in pre like frames, pictures of it.
Natalia Reagan 43:31 And usually he was making you know, like some sort of Oh face. There's like one of my random jobs I've done through life and you know, I also do is wardrobe I had to get him a khaki pants and a lavender button up with a yellow sweater vest. Wow, that was an intense you know
John Fugelsang 43:46 what I've seen Meryl Streep pull up a lot of roles. I've never seen her convince me that she was enjoying copulation with Ron Jeremy. That is my acting test. That's how I did that's that's it. Can you convince me that you are having a good time with Ron then I'll believe that You're I can't
Alice Vaughn 44:00 as someone whose neck has been accidentally sucked by Ron Jeremy through a scarf. I want to clear. Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's very conflicting. So let me explain.
John Fugelsang 44:13 Yeah, you just meet to me with a story.
Alice Vaughn 44:17 So I didn't mean for it to happen because no one means for ron jeremy to suck on your neck. It's kind of like when you accidentally have like a mosquito bite you. It happens. It's there. You have to deal with the aftermath. I was at Exotica A few years ago, this was way pre porn parody. I saw ron jeremy I thought, hey, it would be fun to have a photo with him. My boyfriend's taking the photo. And as that's happening, Ron goes for the neck. And I don't know how he got past the scarf. But it's such a conflicting feeling. because number one, it feels great. And number two, it's like your grandmother sucking on your neck. So what do you do? You're very well hung grandmother? Yeah. Well, no, I mean, I knew Alice knows this, right. I know. to becoming friends with Ron and he, the reason why we stopped being friends is he wouldn't stop trying to fuck me. And I kept telling him No, no, please. No, I have a boyfriend. Can we just be friends? Please? He couldn't, just couldn't. It was like, Can I just be the one girl that you just don't have sex with? There's so many you do? Can I just be the token?
John Fugelsang 45:18 Well, there's so many he doesn't. There's so many. If you ever been a public event with Ron, I get the pain behind his life because his whole life is having sex with stunning women who would never give him the time of day in a club. And when he's out in public, I've always noticed when I've been at events with him, and he's always been very kind to me. It's all young women coming up and going hedgehog, and he's know that all the time by women in the real world that having that said his body of work speaks for itself. And I find you know, male porn acting to be fascinating anyway, I mean, half of the actors who do gay porn identify as being straight, which tells me clearly, these are men who love the craft of Acting like I don't love it that much, but these guys that and when you're hetero guy, but you'll go there with Jeff Stryker, God bless you, man, you are Olivier to me. But in this case, it was really weird to be watching a porn movie where neither the comedy nor the acting nor the misogyny bothered me all that much.
Alice Vaughn 46:19 I don't know if that stat is true where half of the people in gay porn aren't gay I'd love for the third to half of guy is gay for pay.
Natalia Reagan 46:28 I just wonder if it's because of the stigma around coming out? Only because, you know, I think that sexuality is far more fluid than we've given it credit to being you know, and, and,
John Fugelsang 46:40 and it can be I will venture to say, if you're having sex with men on camera, you're not worried about coming out. That's not something that holds you back. You're actually letting the world know in a very specific way. So I don't know. I mean, you know, we've heard stories of guys, I've read interviews with guys who wound up making all this money doing it and when you think about the fact that you Women get paid to do porn with men they wouldn't want to have sex with ordinarily, why is it shocking that men do the same thing.
Alice Vaughn 47:05 I know that I had one of my guy friends who when I started doing this show told me that he did some cam work, and he's straight. And he was telling me that when he was doing cam work, eventually he switched over to doing gay camming because guys paid a lot better. Wow. Yeah. He just decided, you know what, I'm going to just do this. And it's for him. It was different because he wasn't interacting. But I mean, then again, also, if you enjoy having stuff up the bud doesn't mean you're gay. Just want to be clear. Yeah.
Natalia Reagan 47:37 That's something that I mean, for a long time has been such a misunderstood concept that I think that because sex ed is not good in this country and no mom and dad is going to sit their kid down and be like, it's okay. If you want to stick your finger you know, like, nobody's gonna have that conversation and understandably so. So, you know, I think having those conversations or at least having science communicators or sex communicators talk about sex. in a way that's open and also talks about consent, because I also liked Actually, I don't want to jump too far ahead, but I mean, we're still talking about it, but at the very end,
Alice Vaughn 48:09 just kind of covered, all right.
Natalia Reagan 48:13 Leah gets her do with both Luke and Han. And Han actually waits for her consents, cuz she's like, what are you waiting for? And he was like, I was waiting for you to invite me and I was like, look at you go, get an all consente 2012 way before the knee to movement. I enjoyed that. But things like that, you know, that young men and women are not really taught, but also things like what are considered quote unquote, kinks, which are not really kinks. You know, they're actually just sort of preferences. They don't need to be stigmatized through
Alice Vaughn 48:43 Yeah, what I love is and we're slowly but surely starting to incorporate this more important, I'd love to see it more and more, which is more consent talk. And I know it's not sexy, but I mean, a lot of these actors will have half hour two hour long conversations prior to shooting because they want Discuss with their scene partner. All right, what are you into? What are we doing? That's how you know they're transitioning from scene to scene to scene. They already know it's not they're reading each other's minds. But on top of that, you want to know, okay, well, maybe I'm into choking. Alright, well, maybe this actors going to choke to heart, maybe let's pass on that this time around, and whatnot. And that's what you don't see in a lot of the post production. And that's cut out because it's just, you know, not interesting. not as sexy. Yeah, but what I like is, you know, slowly, we're getting to a point of where we're seeing in porn. Hey, what do you like, what do you want me to do? Things like that. And I'd love to see more of that in more mainstream porn, but I'm not seeing it yet. It's more in the indie stuff, but we're getting there could hope
Natalia Reagan 49:47 Alice is it mostly in the indie stuff that is doing that kind of work? Is it female directors or is it just a mix of all sorts of female male directors?
Alice Vaughn 49:56 What there's a lot more females. So I mean, whenever indeed people are doing it. You have a lot of porn stars who are creating their own content. So they're creating the content that they want to make and put out for their fans. So you'll have people who, you know, just came off said, you know, they're hanging out with someone that they could have even just had onset and doing a scene with them, things like that. Yeah. So that's the cool thing about supporting specific porn stars, you know, the porn is always going to be ethical, because it's what they want to shoot.
John Fugelsang 50:25 Yeah. And you also have imagined that, you know, men who are interested in working for a while in this business, will learn to respect the female stars of their films very early on. And I'd like to imagine that any men who are true misogynist, from the acting point of view, who don't respect the women don't have very long careers. I want to believe that we've heard lots of stories about guys who have a lot of power and do mistreat people. What I like about porn is that it's not a question of pay equity, women are paid much more and with good reason. And I'd like to believe that that kind of is trickle down feminism with douchebags aren't going to be able to mistreat a woman on a set full of people just because they think they have a chance to.
Natalia Reagan 51:04 Well, pepper was saying that we were talking to you performer a few weeks ago. She's also a scientist and she was basically saying like, when she works with somebody and they behave or treat women or kind of our bro we and sort of have a boys club talk, she's just like, Mo won't work with them again. And you know, and word spreads. It's kind of like a spread of mouth, like who's good to work with who is going to just be kind of, you know, you just don't want to work with assholes. You want to work with good people. And of course, with porn, it's not only more fun, but it's it makes for a better product and it's more ethical. You're right, you know, less dangerous.
Alice Vaughn 51:37 Now, that said, there's not a lot of guys in porn, because I mean, if you're a guy and you're listening to this, and you're saying, well, it's easy to get a screw woman. No, you have multiple cameras on you. You have to stay hard for extended amount of time you if you can come on command apply for porn. Because I can't. I guess that's a fun factor. I can't do that on command. Most people can't.
Unknown Speaker 52:04 And go.
Alice Vaughn 52:06 action and seems no, but the point is, is that because there's so few men, if you can check the boxes and do a scene, you will hang around longer than other people. And you don't have to be smart, either. I mean, I've talked to porn stars in her like, yeah, I've had to do scenes where the guy was a flat earther and I had to fake liking him for the scene. Now, they don't give you that disclaimer before you watch a porn. Hey, the people you're gonna watch fucking one of them believes the earth is flat through
John Fugelsang 52:40 Oh, it's terrifying. I mean, when you cast because you're hanging outside Gold's Gym in Venice Beach all day. You're not going to get the broadest cross section of ideologies. Hey, that's my old gym. I love that gym. I'm just saying why not a certain kind of guy in a certain region of the country for a certain reason. It's not going to be the kind of guy that the girl would actually want to bring home after The workday?
Natalia Reagan 53:00 No, exactly. It's just the one that they want to think about. Yeah, I mean, there was also a years ago, there were theories about when in a woman's cycle, she is more likely to step out on her mate. And the idea was that she's more likely to stay with you know, again, this is there's more research is always needed. But women were more likely to find men that were more symmetrical and attractive in terms of scientific terms or you know, symmetry being an indicator ovulation during ovulation. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 53:28 symmetry were
Natalia Reagan 53:30 similar, like facial symmetry actual. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's considered a sign of attractiveness. I'm super asymmetrical. But some people are closer to being symmetrical. I mean, there's also just certain body types and shapes and everything but I also i as somebody who I'm a staunch believer that really takes out of the factors out individual preference because I think people have such unique and wide ranging individual preferences that are influenced by their growing up by their environment, you know, by their culture. I think it's not as easy as saying, oh, biology determines what we're attracted to, because I'm not a bunch of bull. But I do think it's interesting. I don't know, I think that's the greatest joke of nature, right? Like, all this time, we think we were attracted to what we were attracted to. All the while, it's actually nature being like, nope, you're attracted to what you think is a desirable mate with the traits your offspring needs. And we think it's just us getting the hard on when in reality, it's centuries and centuries of behavior and DNA making the choice for us. We just think, oh, hot choker. Yeah, I mean, but there's still like the Oedipal in the electric complex. There's still people doing attracted to things that they're not supposed. I mean, I'm saying that they're, they're just going off the rails, by the way, are we off the rails?
Unknown Speaker 54:42 Do we always go off the rails?
John Fugelsang 54:43 I love it.
Natalia Reagan 54:44 Yeah, no, I mean, I'm a little bit mix of nature and nurture. I mean, obviously, some bio, there are some biological factors that will for incest avoidance, but, you know, but I do think that saying that, like men only like big boobs because or, you know, race ratio, you know, Not there has to be a certain ratio that you're right there is there.
John Fugelsang 55:02 There are lots of nurture issues and God only knows how many women I've been attracted to because of my unresolved issues with my mama, mama, mother.
Natalia Reagan 55:12 Don't worry, I had a boyfriend for a long time that everyone called dad because they he reminded them so much of my dad. And I was just like, no, stop it. Please don't delightful. Do not like I know. How's dad doing? Stop it. That's one way to destroy the relationship. Jesus. I know. We're still good friends. He's a wonderful human. He's just easy. I mean, it's a compliment. I mean, I guess my dad's a good looking man but he's also very funny like my father but still. Yeah, I know. But it is interesting and culture plays a huge role in what we think is high not always shifts and which is also I think, problematic too, because I think body types have gone in and out of fashion through the years and that shouldn't that's unfortunate because like, what if your body types like not in vogue this season, and you're just like, hey guys over here, ha ha. Nevermind,
John Fugelsang 55:58 I want to believe that any any people Who you know, don't get all their opinions from screens will still be attracted to whomever they're attracted to. And the nice thing about all this body, like as a male growing up, I would always resent the women my culture told me I was supposed to find attractive because it was never the case. But one time when I was a kid, I passed Cindy Crawford on the street, and I was mad cuz she was actually really was so hot. And I had been so resentful of her that my culture kept saying, this is your ideal. But I think that for many of us, we're often surprised by who were drawn to who's smelly, like, who were kind of surprised that like, oh, wow, I actually trust you and feel safe with you and do whatever you want to me because I know you're good. And I think that's the great thing about getting away from screens and, you know, lack of human cells, like you know, getting out there and learning. The only one who decides who you're going to be attracted to at the end of the day really is you whether it's your DNA or your hangups
Natalia Reagan 56:51 Yeah, now I've done videos about pheromones and just how they can play a role in human nature. And being able to, you know, smell out somebody who's genetically dissimilar to you theory would be a better mate in terms of you're going to have viable, healthy offspring. You know, you want to prove you want variation. I mean, you
John Fugelsang 57:07 know, by someone's smell, yeah. Well, it doesn't matter what they look like,
Natalia Reagan 57:12 no, is that an actual thing? pheromones? Yes, but not they didn't, doesn't necessarily have a smell. Right. You know, it doesn't necessarily you can't really smell them. But I mean, I don't know about you, Alice. But I have had men in my life that I cannot stop smelling. And I love it. And I'm addicted. And I've had men tell me I smell like peaches. One guy that was just like, I was with him for six years, and he just loved the wait. No, was it? Yeah, I was peaches. He was like, you just smell like peaches. And I was just like, I don't understand it. But he really loved the way I smelled. And we were horrible for each other like the worst partners ever. But we just couldn't quit each other. It was very strange. It was almost like animal magnetism. Who knows the capitalist and me saying why haven't we bottled this up and made money? There was a perfume Eau de Jeff. Oh my god, what was it called, like realm or something? It was there was a perfume john. Do remember. it. It was in the night like early 90s
John Fugelsang 58:02 score with pheromones.
Unknown Speaker 58:04 Yeah, it's Jakarta Noir, or the Korean War. Yeah,
John Fugelsang 58:07 that was, oh god, oh shoot on Island who wore that I can still smell it. But if I go into a chess game,
Natalia Reagan 58:14 okay, so I have a weird thing with smell. And I had a driver's ed teacher who was up and he was discovered he also were a spandex shirt. This is like 1994 95 spandex shirt. We live I lived in Southern California in the San Fernando Valley, and he was like, let's drive to the beach. And I'm 15 years old. I'm just like, dude, we're not driving to the beach, but he was up and to this day, if I smell that Cologne, in an elevator on a street I just literally want to farm it. I feel bad. I almost feel like if I ever went on a date with somebody and they showed up with it, it was just like they have no chance they would it's almost like it should be just written in one's profile. Oh, I get
Unknown Speaker 58:51 it. I get it.
Alice Vaughn 58:52 I can't help but wonder what would it be like if pundants and social media personalities all came out with not their own fragrance? But the fragrance actually smelled like them. I mean, john, would you like to know? You know how many people would want to buy your smell?
John Fugelsang 59:06 No, no, I mean, I guess I at the same time I don't want to know what Chuck cod smells like so No, I'm fine with that. I can meet me and see how I smell. It's a ruggedly masculine get fetchingly clean.
Alice Vaughn 59:19 Glenn Beck just smells like him.
Natalia Reagan 59:22 I know john, he smells fantastic. Well, thank you sugar
mom for her and Alice smells delicious. Just absolutely. She hops. I do. I'm a Hufford. Like I really I don't have glue. I don't have paint. I have people.
John Fugelsang 59:37 Yep, I get that. I mean, with Can someone tolerable if someone's hospitable? I'm right there with you. If someone smells great, it's nice to just sit there and have someone in your arms and just enjoy all the senses. Their natural sense. Yeah, I mean, let your senses be a part of it and you know, look good sex. I know it's a show about porn but good sex is when all five senses are turned to 11 this is
Alice Vaughn 1:00:00 I mean isn't the five senses thing over simplified? And there's a lot more than that?
John Fugelsang 1:00:04 Well, sure if you want to get into paranormal but based on the, you know, the five that we've agreed on commonly, I think a good sex involves touch and sight, and hearing and smell and taste. And I don't actually I don't need any more senses than that involve those five keep me going.
Natalia Reagan 1:00:19 That goes to my lover's grandmother. I generally like to have sex with them as well. Like that's something I like it.
John Fugelsang 1:00:25 Well, and I like to have sex with telekinesis as well. So we have seven senses. We can go in
Unknown Speaker 1:00:29 front of Jesus.
John Fugelsang 1:00:30 Hmm, wow. Oh, yes.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:33 Well, there's actually there looks like to be seven senses. There's two others I'm not familiar with. vestibular and I'm going to so Botrytis, proprioception, proprioception, proprioception. I don't know what this is. I don't even know if
Natalia Reagan 1:00:47 the sense of balance are talking about vestibular is the sense of balance.
John Fugelsang 1:00:50 I've been having sex all wrong all this time. I get to start over reset.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:54 never told to learn. I'm gonna check the other one. I'm curious. What are the seven senses was one of them parents Normal Please tell me now um, it's just the I don't see any paranormal senses, perception or awareness of position or movement of the body. That's Yeah, as you mentioned one of them
Natalia Reagan 1:01:09 that makes me think of echolocation.
Alice Vaughn 1:01:18 Can you imagine if we were like bats having sex through echolocation trying to find people.
Natalia Reagan 1:01:24 The dark echolocation is frickin amazing. There's people that are actually teaching it now to humans who are blind to go mountain biking. They mountain bike through echolocation and do all sorts of really physical you know, endurance activities, while wind and using echolocation and when as a child I remember taking showers and like putting my face close to the wall and kind of like being able to like just feel your distance like feel the distance between things like even like before want to get sexual with it. When you really like somebody you can feel when you're an inch closer you can feel when you move like they move a little bit closer Even though you you know your space between you, you can just like it's almost like atoms in the air to start. I don't know having a small party, but I just, that's something that I think is kind of fun electricity. I have a whole new fetish group to go join on Reddit now. Thank you.
The echo locators are the that's my band. But yeah, it wouldn't be a good band name.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:21 I'll go see you guys play at the troubadour.
Natalia Reagan 1:02:24 Yay. Oh, I did like when they talked about how they called it data when instead of tattooing. Oh, did they? I feel like the movie called it tattooing something different. Well, Dan to when Dan to me, is that different?
John Fugelsang 1:02:35 That's the div that's where the old Rebel base was. And that's the false name. laya gives them
Natalia Reagan 1:02:38 that's it. Okay, see, that's me messing up. Okay, cool.
John Fugelsang 1:02:41 By the way, knowing that cost me two years off the front of my sex life, just that, but I'm curious. You know, it seems like if this was as successful as we feel it was why they didn't put a sequel into pre production right away. And I'm still mystified how no one at Disney knows that they're just playing the music and the film.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:00 I'm curious how original The music was how close it has to be to the original content for them to get sued. I have no idea.
John Fugelsang 1:03:08 I mean, the opening title music, it's a parody, but they play the Imperial March note for note, I was really impressed and shocked. And I've never really worried about George Lucas or Disney feeling disenfranchised with shit.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:19 Yeah, if they don't have enough money to keep putting out in our Star Wars every year.
Natalia Reagan 1:03:23 Jesus, it's insane. I have not watched like the past four just because I can't keep up. I think the only one I've missed a soul. Oh, really?
John Fugelsang 1:03:31 They're all good. Are they the last four that Disney's put out? They're all good. And then three of them are really good.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:36 Which one did you not feel was great.
John Fugelsang 1:03:39 solos good. It's not a bad film, considering three people made it and it's that coherent. I think that's quite an achievement. There's a lot that could have been done to make it better. I do think it deserves a sequel. And solo to was like trending a few months ago which says to me that even though the film was considered a flop, but it was really found a home on Netflix, where it's been for over a year. But Rob one's an excellent film, The Last Jedi I'm in the camp that really thought that was an excellent film. Not perfect has problems but so challenging. To me the last Jedi is challenging in the way that Empire Strikes Back was deeply challenging and upsetting to people in 1980. And episode seven is terrific. I mean, I think that Disney so far has done pretty good with the franchise, which means I guess we'll be here next year talking about those batteries.
Natalia Reagan 1:04:24 Yeah, right. Get those in into the works. I mean, Alice knows this better than I do. How often are new porn parodies being cranked out these days?
Alice Vaughn 1:04:32 Oh, gosh. So it depends. Who you are in the industry. Yeah. So if you're wood rocket, for example, you're pumping out parodies every I want to say almost two, three weeks. So for example, we had recently that whole area 51 raid. Yes. Yeah, storm 51 or they did come out with an area 51 porn parody. Okay, but I feel like it's almost they're coming out with so many. It's almost like, oh, there's a huge new box office. Release. And there's in conjunction a porn being released with it. So for example, I love the good place. That's one of my favorite TV shows. The same day the new season of The Good Place launched. We got the goo place.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:13 Oh, that's nice.
John Fugelsang 1:05:14 Ah, well now I think you can just make solo and it just has to be a masturbation movie. There
Natalia Reagan 1:05:19 you go. Yeah, no, it's it's absolutely it writes itself. Really.
John Fugelsang 1:05:23 I mean, it's kind of weird that they tried to make a film called solo with two directors in the first place. But masturbation series, it seems like a natural.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:30 I mean, at that point, you just have someone dressed as Han Solo and just masturbate throughout the entire film for 16 times. Just stop just the whole time. I just I find that I would watch that just like a fly on the wall. Just I'm into it. Speaking of not stopping. Did you know there's 10 hours of Darth Vader breathing? Someone recording through it? I'm on YouTube
Natalia Reagan 1:05:49 10 hours.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:50 Yeah. So if you've ever wanted background noise to sleep,
John Fugelsang 1:05:54 that's great to know,
Natalia Reagan 1:05:55 actually just to masturbate to but that's well, Geez Louise. As of 2001,
John Fugelsang 1:06:00 after a while with all the silent breathing and all that, but yeah,
Alice Vaughn 1:06:04 I'm personally partial to the MIDI they stole from an angel fire page that they played for the cantina scene? I'm going to be masturbating to that,
Natalia Reagan 1:06:13 then I wouldn't Yeah, it's gonna be Alice is your soundtrack. Good times? If I call you and I hear that in the background, I'll know what you're up to.
Alice Vaughn 1:06:21 I'm redesigning the HTML code from the web my web page from the 1980s that's what I'm doing. Choosing the perfect middie Jesus. All right, we've got as far as I think we can with this porn. I know. We've really milked it.
John Fugelsang 1:06:36 We've made our own prequels. At this point. We've
Unknown Speaker 1:06:39 like bantha milk.
John Fugelsang 1:06:40 Yeah, we were part of everyone's nipples at this point,
Unknown Speaker 1:06:45 huh? Oh,
Alice Vaughn 1:06:46 no. Hmm. So john, where can our listeners find more of you?
John Fugelsang 1:06:51 Oh, wow. Well, I'm on all the socials and Sirius XM insight every day. JOHN people saying on Instagram or Twitter, Facebook JOHN people staying calm and a comedy club near you.
Natalia Reagan 1:07:03 And you guys, by the way can hear more stuff that we have actually over@patreon.com slash two girls on mic. So those references I was alluding to before we have them in previous episodes that are unreleased, including peppers episode that Natalia mentioned. So just hop on over to there and for five bucks a month, you guys can listen to all of that back catalogue. There's at least 17 episodes but Natalia worker listeners find more of you. You can find me on Twitter at Natalia 13 Reagan. Same with Instagram. I also have a whole Natalia, you can watch me make bad David Attenborough videos of maybe holding just anything and everything and yeah, under a rock pretty much. Yeah, you find me? I have shows coming up out in November. Oh, gosh. How could I forget November? I'm doing the George Lucas show on the intrepid on November 13. Yeah, I'll be a guest on the George Lucas show. It's a UCB show a dude plays George Lucas to a tee. I'm going to be a scientist on the show talking about what would it be like going different planets, different Star Wars planets, so and how would the different Yeah, cuz I'm a scientist I don't wait to talk about it on this episode but I'll be talking about that. Yes,
Alice Vaughn 1:08:08 it's awesome. And you guys can find me on Twitter at rational blonde or you guys can also catch us every week on this podcast so tell your friends to subscribe leave us comment. Are you grumbling?
Natalia Reagan 1:08:20 Yeah, I was crying it Yeah, sorry. Okay.
Alice Vaughn 1:08:26 So guys, thanks for joining us again. We'll see you next week. All your friends Buh bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
18 Feb 2021
#124- That's What She Said
01:00:22
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian Hanna Dickenson (@hansdickie). The trio talk about buy's Alice's mom a vibrator, herpes, barely review The Office XXX, watching porn at work, the history of "That's what she said", accidentally punching someone, comedians getting laid, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian/producer/friend Emery Emery (@emeryemeryii) to review the 1972 classic, Behind the Green Door. See how three people can spend an hour talking about a porn with no lines, a six-minute slow motion cum shot, and how it's possible to experience death by semen.
Alice & Yvette are joined by adult performer, Lauren Philips (@laurenfillsup). The ladies discuss Tiger King, video games, teleprompters, custom clips going too far, porn pee standards, porn moratoriums, and more!
Yvette & Alice are joined by German porn scholar, Madita Oeming (@MsOeming), to discuss everything people get wrong about sex addiction, feminist porn, and much more!
Alice & Natalia are joined by comedian Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) to discuss not one, but two Super Mario porns. We discuss if the pandemic is the right time to be on mushrooms, is Mario Dr. Kevorkian, bad bowser costumes, Princess Peaches' vibrator, and more
Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/twogirlsonemic
05 Mar 2021
#126- The Sex Hacker
01:10:13
Alice & Kate Kennedy are joined by renowned sex-hacker, Kenneth Play (@KennethPlay)! The trio discuss visual learning, squirting, "cliteracy", edging, multiple orgasms, anal, sex clubs, and more!
Right after recording episode 60, this is the conversation Alice, Natalia Reagan, Amberly Rothfeild had. The ladies chat about clit stapling, animals in orifices, muppetfucker, and abortion clinic tanks.
Alice & Yvette are joined by Watt's the Safeword co-host, Kristofer Weston (@KristoferWeston)! Aside from reviewing the porn parody of The Ring, appropriately named "The Hole", the trio discusses Kristofer's days of directing porn, Caverject, straight guys doing gay porn, organizing an orgy, how to clean your butt, sex toys from WISH, and more!
Yvette d'Entremont 0:00 Here are two girls one Mic, we encourage you to find ethically produced porn and regular listeners know that it's a great time in the industry performers can set their own terms and interact with fans like you directly.
Alice Vaughn 0:12 So we're partnering with kam for calm to bring him a special offer. Go to camp for coupon slash podcasts and create your free account and Kim Ford is giving you 20 free tokens to get you started, which you could send the models to stand out play games or make requests
Yvette d'Entremont 0:28 is this game of finding porn?
Alice Vaughn 0:31 It's not not gamifying porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 0:33 I'm totally okay with this. So camphor has models who are game for almost anything if you're into it, Cam pours got it on demand with
Alice Vaughn 0:42 tokens, requests like wave to the camera with a dildo, stuck on that same dildo while writing a stuffed unicorn. teach my
Yvette d'Entremont 0:51 mother to use her iPhone
Alice Vaughn 0:53 answer pre tell what exactly is their velocity of an unladen swallow read iron Rand Burn iron Rand call people
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01 fascist for burning iron Rand
Alice Vaughn 1:04 find a recipe for homemade ravioli
Unknown Speaker 1:06 pretend to be my girlfriend from Canada with my roommate blocks in
Alice Vaughn 1:10 touch yourself to the sounds of Jani.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:12 Touch yourself to the sounds of Weird Al Yankovic.
Alice Vaughn 1:15 Wait, you don't already
Yvette d'Entremont 1:17 to enjoy some foreplay with the models before we finish you off. Go to camp or coupons calm slash podcast that's cam and the number for coupons.com slash podcast create your free account today.
Unknown Speaker 1:33 This is two girls one Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:40 Welcome to Two girls one Mic the porn cast that has its very own Madonna whore complex. I'm your co host. We've had dogs from LA and here's my lovely talented and bubbly blonde co host Alice Vaughn Alice, how are you doing this week?
Alice Vaughn 1:53 You know what I'm doing even better now that we all nailed the clap. And I do not mean chlamydia.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:59 We did nail that Clap no to inform our listeners who may not be familiar with the wild world of audio editing, we all have our own separate tracks that we're recording in our remote little locations in Los Angeles, New York and a bunker somewhere in New Mexico, I assume, of course, and we have to record these tracks and to make sure that they're all lined up, we say 123 and then clap, and I am apparently not good at my rhythm Alice, we've learned is our good clap leader. So when she leads you to the clap, you're gonna like it. You're gonna walk away enjoying that experience? Yeah, our tangents are going weird today.
Alice Vaughn 2:34 You know what, I will allow it and so will all of my gynecologist.
Yvette d'Entremont 2:39 All of them do stuff I'm gonna call I want to know what's happening with your policy that you have all of them.
Alice Vaughn 2:45 Look, I'm just saying that I double triple quadruple check that policy. So just not everyone,
Yvette d'Entremont 2:50 like a second opinion. A fifth opinion. Now we have a guest speaking of vaginas and that have been checked and we think are delightful. We have wonderful guests on today that we're very happy to have. Oh, thank you.
Alice Vaughn 3:03 I'm really excited because we have Joanna Angel on the show today. Hi. Okay, so you're basically a one woman Empire.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:12 Yeah. Which is it's just so impressive in this industry.
Alice Vaughn 3:15 Oh, thank you. You're a Hall of Famer, you're a writer. You're a director. You're a porn star. You're a lemon thief.
Joanna Angel 3:22 I am 11 paid professionally. And a lemon. Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:27 Now people know about your other work, but we need to hear about the lemon thievery.
Joanna Angel 3:31 Yeah, well,
Yvette d'Entremont 3:32 I've had a lemon tree. So I need to I have a vested interest in this.
Unknown Speaker 3:36 Well, you better watch out.
Unknown Speaker 3:39 For all those sealing holes
Unknown Speaker 3:41 I'm coming for.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:43 You know what, if someone's gonna steal my lemons, I want it to be Joanna Angel. I think that's fair.
Joanna Angel 3:48 careful what you wish for.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:51 I will invite you over to make some lemon curd with me if you steal my lemons.
Alice Vaughn 3:56 All right. And so for our audience, and even those who are unaware Have the lemon thievery. So where that comes about is because you did from what I'm aware of in one of the porins there was a plot where James Dean and an actress I stole lemon. Yes. Where you stole lemons. And yeah, it's great because they look away from their lemon tree for about 10 seconds as they even say in their script. And you're like taking lemons and shoving them into a one piece.
Joanna Angel 4:27 Yeah, yeah, that's like a one piece. I seriously did this porn like, probably 12 years ago. Wow. And it's very funny because like, I just remember the day I was going to set like I it's like, I wonder if that's how people feel when they record their hit song and like their first album, like I didn't know that day was going to be the day that no matter what else I did for the rest of my career would be more remembered than anything.
Yvette d'Entremont 4:56 Try the day that you do the thing that people know you for Yeah, yeah. And it's you know, you peaked with that lemon tree man.
Joanna Angel 5:05 Yeah, I think that was the beginning and end of my career was that. But yeah, I really didn't know. And it's funny but not funny or ironic and kind of sad. I mean, that guy in the same as my ex boyfriend and we definitely don't speak anymore and haven't spoken in probably, I don't know eight years or something. And the guy who shot the scene is dead in a girl on the scene is also dead. Very sad. Yeah. And I think he actually murdered her. But that's a whole other story. That I Oh, yeah, porno. That's Thanks, Matt. But I did steal the lemons. We made a great video.
A lot of tragic things happen. 10 years later. Yeah, we all made a great.
Unknown Speaker 5:51 I have questions.
Unknown Speaker 5:53 Questions about the
Unknown Speaker 5:58 baby. No, no. She was a good friend of mine. No, no. I mean, it's
Unknown Speaker 6:04 the context of how I was told this funny, but not that and by the way murders.
Unknown Speaker 6:09 Yeah, like lemons,
Unknown Speaker 6:11 delightful part of career murders, we think I mean, I think it
Joanna Angel 6:14 wasn't officially confirmed. I don't know. I stopped. Oh, man.
Yvette d'Entremont 6:17 Oh my god. Yeah, there's
Joanna Angel 6:20 a lot of darkness. And I was like, yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 6:26 That's a great line to start a chapter in a book. There was a lot of darkness in those lemons. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 6:31 yes. So people always want to ask me about it. And I'm like,
Alice Vaughn 6:36 well, it all started with lemons.
Joanna Angel 6:39 But it was one of those things. It was. And I remember in the beginning of the day, the director was like, I don't know what to do today. And he had this lemon tree and he's like, why don't you just feel those lemons and then you get yelled at and it was like, okay, and I was so new in porn. I was like, Alright, well, that's not what I was expecting to do today. And then I remember looking at my suitcase that I brought To set and I was like, well, all the clothes I brought, you know was just like heels and stripper bikinis because, you know, I thought it was gonna be that kind of day. I was like I don't really have clothes to run around the yard and seal lemons music that's fine just where your where your stripper clothes. I was like,
Alice Vaughn 7:19 Okay, what is the appropriate lemon stealing attire?
Joanna Angel 7:23 You know, I don't know, I guess I was thinking like, you know, like shorts and a tank top.
Yvette d'Entremont 7:27 Yeah, suburban housewife. It's just I thought this was a public alley and I could just grab the
Joanna Angel 7:34 way way way before I was a milk. So I am bringing like, blazers and pants, you know that's that's very normal for me to bring to set now. But back then it was nothing but like, right, you know, color history for clothes. Don't tell
Alice Vaughn 7:51 me that I've been wearing blazers since I exited the womb.
Yvette d'Entremont 7:55 She has a shower blazer, very moisture wicking
Joanna Angel 7:58 the plastic one
Alice Vaughn 8:00 technically a poncho with an open slit okay yeah
Joanna Angel 8:03 okay, well that's very fancy you must you must have a fancy shower where you have meetings in there and stuff
Yvette d'Entremont 8:10 one day I think she should get like a latex blazer
Alice Vaughn 8:14 Wait I want to latex place her
Joanna Angel 8:16 see I knew a make latex blazers yeah they do
Unknown Speaker 8:19 I know a couple of companies we could hook you up with I'm googling this what
Joanna Angel 8:23 and make entire latex suits Oh yeah, they're not cheap so be careful put some money aside and get yourself a nice latex blazer Yeah, yeah if
Yvette d'Entremont 8:31 you're gonna get latex invest put money in
Joanna Angel 8:33 Yeah, right before you call it I was actually organizing all my clothes. Oh, and yeah, I just did a movie like a couple weeks ago or everybody was wearing latex in it. So I had this like entire bag full of just like lots and lots of latex and it was just spilled all over the floor. I'm like there's like about $7,000 worth of plastic in front oh right now.
Like I better like folded up
Yvette d'Entremont 8:57 and the smell of latex oil and powder is everywhere. Yeah, yeah,
Joanna Angel 9:02 latex and lube and powder and everything. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 9:05 I did a teensy little bit of modeling, eight ish years ago and my first thing was a runway show in a latex dress. Yeah. So you still have the dress and I'm terrified to try putting it back on the same size. Yeah, but Mike's good. Go.
Joanna Angel 9:21 Put some lube on and put it
Yvette d'Entremont 9:23 next time we're at. Like, if we go to Exotica next year, Alice, I will bring the dress. Okay. You know, I've learned
Joanna Angel 9:29 latex to exotic Well, I guess which exotic are we talking about?
Alice Vaughn 9:34 That's a great question. I mean, they have Chicago, right, Florida, New Jersey and Portland. Are there any others think that's all? But uh, I'm gonna miss New Jersey, unfortunately this year. Oh, yeah,
Joanna Angel 9:47 I've worn latex to the jersey one and then when you go outside, it's good. Because it's so cool that time of year in New Jersey.
Alice Vaughn 9:55 October
Joanna Angel 9:56 you will think it is people think it's bad to wear latex in the heat because you get sweaty I don't care I can be sweaty all day but like i mean it's literally like you're wearing a piece of plastic in the freezing cold era like it's like the good like got 20 degrees colder
Yvette d'Entremont 10:09 you get cold in ways that you don't expect you know the feeling when you when your nipples are hard from the cold it's like that exacerbated in horrible horrible ways. Yeah
Joanna Angel 10:21 knows it was crazy but I'd still recommend it. I'm very pro latex. I love I love latex. It feels really
Yvette d'Entremont 10:27 good on your skin.
Joanna Angel 10:28 It doesn't it looks beautiful and like it's my like designer clothes like I don't buy blue buttons or whatever. I don't I've never bought like a designer anything in my life. But I will buy like nice latex. So when I want to like go somewhere fancy, like a latex. It just
Yvette d'Entremont 10:46 looks fancy it does. Here's an opportunity for a quick learning moment because our audience might have people that are interested in latex. What should someone look for in a good piece of latex?
Alice Vaughn 10:55 I don't own any latex. So I'm learning
Joanna Angel 10:57 you know, I don't know because I've always Bought latex from like two people and they're like two of the best people. So I don't know. I mean, I would just make sure it's like rapido. But what's the worst that could happen? It's just
Yvette d'Entremont 11:10 eloping. Yeah, it's something that falls apart quickly those types of issues. I mean, ultimately,
Joanna Angel 11:15 it's close. Yeah, like, just try it on. If it feels right where you know, it's not like, you're gonna get like a, like a medical.
Yvette d'Entremont 11:31 Yeah, a medical emergency from later. I'm trying to think yeast. Yeah, right.
Alice Vaughn 11:36 I know how much he's built up is there if there's a medical emergency is having real
Joanna Angel 11:41 bad.
Alice Vaughn 11:42 Do we need to call one of my nine gynecologists?
Joanna Angel 11:45 It's up to nine. Now what happened to the last 20 minutes was for that it was five now it's nine. There is a situation occurring in Alice. Do you alternate them? Do you lie to that to the other ones? Do you say Oh, it's my yearly exam,
but you're Really going every month to someone?
Yvette d'Entremont 12:02 This isn't about the gynecology Alice,
Alice Vaughn 12:05 I actually did that one time.
Unknown Speaker 12:07 This is about vaginal validation at this point, the most unsexy affair I've ever heard of.
Yvette d'Entremont 12:14 I just want someone to tell me it's pretty
Unknown Speaker 12:18 good matcha is valid and tell me the clitoral hood is normal
Alice Vaughn 12:24 I just want to confirm the weightless Libya flaps normal right
Yvette d'Entremont 12:28 it's okay at the left one's bigger right it's okay
Alice Vaughn 12:31 for waves high right? It's okay if my Libya has its own form of nipples right
Yvette d'Entremont 12:38 I have questions doctor know if your Libya has its own form of nipples please email us info at two girls one calm
Joanna Angel 12:46 I can't answer those questions. You got to call God call doctor.
Yvette d'Entremont 12:50 This is why you have nine gynecologist Yeah,
Joanna Angel 12:52 if one of them tell him no and then maybe one more,
Yvette d'Entremont 12:56 your lady a gently week.
Alice Vaughn 13:00 If my lady is crying and I could tell it's definitely not come, should I? So your gynecology
Yvette d'Entremont 13:06 the color would suggest what to do with that. Oh, Lord, why does my
Alice Vaughn 13:11 lady I have tear ducts?
Yvette d'Entremont 13:13 Tears of my maybea sorry. That was how the song went, right?
Joanna Angel 13:18 Yes, yes. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 13:20 it definitely is a hit single by the bangles. Yes. So, I mean, you've kind of been a pioneer in Well, someone would describe it as punk rock porn, or really what suicide babes tried being but I think you best describe them as the McDonald's of ultra porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:41 So funny. I said that once. That's an amazing line. People keep remembering it. It's so funny. I mean, you've managed to create an empire out of producing something that people didn't know they wanted. And once they saw it, they're like, yes. So I want more of this. Yeah. And I mean, that's you. I think you figured out what you wanted to watch is what a I mean, or at least that's what I feel when I see your work. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 14:02 no, it really is. Over the years, sometimes when times were slow, or I was just stuck, I'd be like, Okay, well, let me just look at like the market and look at stats and try to just make what I think people want to see. And every time I do that, would fail. And I'm like, okay, I just have to literally make my business plan to keep just doing whatever the fuck I want, which is like a blessing and a curse because people who do have to follow trends and very much study their data and their stats and everything like it's, it's easier to figure out what to do next, you know, but I'm like, every time I try to do that, it wouldn't really work. So I have to just kind of wait for that moment or I'm like, ah, I have no idea. Okay, let's do this.
Guy. Now. Everything just
Yvette d'Entremont 14:54 always went down. I feel you as a creative,
Joanna Angel 14:57 totally the worst way to run it. Yes, ever. I'm not going to be Mark Cuban When I grow up, but I did actually which maybe maybe people now maybe people don't know in January, I sold my company. Oh, I didn't know that.
Unknown Speaker 15:10 Wow. Yeah, Rugrats.
Joanna Angel 15:12 No, thank you. Yeah, I mean, I owned it for 16 or 17 years or something.
Yvette d'Entremont 15:18 You do not look old enough to have owned a business for six or seven years. So you've done well, really,
Joanna Angel 15:23 I'm still directing for it. It's kind of cool, because now I know I get like a check from someone else.
Alice Vaughn 15:29 You'll just all the liability.
Joanna Angel 15:31 Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's cool. So not much has changed to the fans. You know, look, one day they could take it away from me. They could fire me, they could end it, they could change it. And I won't really have control, unfortunately. But that day is not today. So I'm still directing. And yeah, I think after a while, I learned I really loved creating and I love making movies and I love producing more so than I liked all the business. See business stuff. Think there once upon a time, I was like, you know, I want to, like, make this business bigger and start other businesses and like, I had a lot of employees and I was doing all this stuff. And then like, I think later on, I was like, I really like any of the business part of business. I, my favorite part is, is creating. Yeah, so selling the company how, you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 16:19 I think you learn for running a company if you like doing the stuff that fuels the company, or if you like running it true,
Joanna Angel 16:24 cuz you kinda have to do everything. Yeah. Uh huh. Or you have to pay someone else to do it. So
Yvette d'Entremont 16:32 like, I'm a writer, I just want to be funny. I want someone else to like, make the thing run. Yeah, no, and it's unfortunately doesn't work that way until you're making enough money to pay someone to make it run. So it's like getting over that hump. That's the hard part. No, I know.
Joanna Angel 16:47 Well, I actually am not sure if you guys knew this either. But I wrote a book last year. I actually have two years ago now. Yeah, it came out last year. It's called Night Shift. Congratulations. Yeah, it said that you find on Amazon night shift. By Joanna Angel we'll put in the show notes. Yes. It's a choose your own adventure.
Joanna Angel 17:10 Hold on. Yeah, I actually I have to start another one I have I'm contractual this
Yvette d'Entremont 17:14 in my on my Amazon wishlist. Thank
Joanna Angel 17:16 you. I mean, you just bought it. It's like $12. So yeah, I know. It's
Yvette d'Entremont 17:20 just putting out there fans if you want to, if you want to get the analysis to, if you you should buy it for yourselves and gift it to me and I'll
Alice Vaughn 17:29 wait. I have a question about choose your own adventure with erotica specifically,
Joanna Angel 17:34 and I'll show you guys I have it right. Literally right here. I
Yvette d'Entremont 17:37 want there to be like a disappointing ending. I wanted to be like, and the Cialis doesn't work and you get about three pumps in before he makes you a disappointing breakfast of leftover steak and runny eggs. True story. Hey,
Alice Vaughn 17:52 that was my book. The choice Okay, night shift. Got it. Nice Angel. I will definitely link this in the show notes. I'm curious. What kind of choices do you give people put in the ass versus put it in a vagina and then you see what happens and if you choose wrong, your dick breaks off. Now Donna that extreme Okay, I am writing the wrong novels. Well,
Joanna Angel 18:14 there is some choices like that there is certain parts of the book where the main character goes and explores things and then in one path she's dominant and in one path missive there's like one path Do you want to like
Yvette d'Entremont 18:29 so you're kind of writing the character, not just writing the little decisions?
Alice Vaughn 18:33 Yeah, in one path. You're getting audited for your taxes for the last five years. Yeah.
Joanna Angel 18:39 But you know, there's a story there's a bunch of different paths to take.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:42 There's actually there's a path where she likes the long term and there's a path or she thinks that tastes like so
Joanna Angel 18:46 bright. I don't understand why some people think it tastes like so
Unknown Speaker 18:50 there's an actual genetic reason for it. It's a gene and you know,
Joanna Angel 18:54 everyone I've met that doesn't like cilantro. Eventually we wind up having a really big falling out later. So, don't think I can get along with people that don't like cilantro.
Alice Vaughn 19:04 You're in LA. On tacos. I get it.
Unknown Speaker 19:08 Deal Breaker. Yeah. I wonder if there are people who think it tastes like soap and also like it.
Joanna Angel 19:13 Is there anyone out there who thinks it tastes like soap and also likes it? That's a good point.
Yvette d'Entremont 19:18 Because I wonder I wonder when I'm tasting it. I'm like, I like the flavor of it, but I might tasting it in a way that other people also interpret as tasting like soap, but I like this flavor, because I don't I like the flavor. But I wonder what this how people interpret it as soapy. You know, that's fucking with my head.
Joanna Angel 19:37 lamps. There might be some people out there who really like so if you enjoyed the taste of soap,
Alice Vaughn 19:41 email us at info to girls on mic calm. We just want to know,
Yvette d'Entremont 19:45 because I've tried a loop that you might enjoy.
Joanna Angel 19:47 Yeah, right. So there's just a lot of different paths, but it's about a girl that works at a porn store. So you know, there's different people that come in, and you can find us she has her own little adventure with different people. The Adventures have more adventures. I have to write another one. So yeah I You said you're a writer. I don't know if you've written a book but it's it's very hard. It's a lot.
Yvette d'Entremont 20:08 Yeah, I've done the work of writing a book and we're still working on it but yeah, I feel you there's there's a ton of like heart and effort and research to make sure that the thing is cohesive. You have to go a little bit crazy. Yeah. And you need to make sure that your voice is consistent throughout. So there's, there's a lot that goes into it more like Normally I'm an essayist. But the book is a different beast. You're writing fiction. I think a lot of what people run into is you have to make sure every character's voice is very different because essentially you are everybody's voice but yeah, make every character sound the same. Getting characters out of your head and forgetting you into there's got to be them. Yeah, you really have it's a mindfuck to stop being you and your writing.
Joanna Angel 20:50 I have to write another one. I'm supposed to be done with one by like January so I should probably start one of these.
Alice Vaughn 20:57 I never even considered that that you have to Think as if you're different people if you're writing
Joanna Angel 21:03 Yeah. Okay. I think you know, I think I think everybody should do it. You know, we live in LA. Everybody here so like, has a personality disorder? Yeah, like narcissistic. Yeah. Myself included. Now you know, you become a little bit like, you know, you get some notoriety like you start Oh yeah, you're like this weird character of yourself all the time and like I think writing fiction is a very good exercise for people because you literally have to step outside yourself. And like to be someone else, you know, you can make alternative versions
Yvette d'Entremont 21:40 of yourself and get some other voices of I don't want to say their voices in my head, but you can get the other thoughts you've had that you can't voice as you Yeah, through another character or thoughts that you don't agree with. And you can have those fights outside externally.
Alice Vaughn 21:57 Yeah, everyone has them. I mean, I feel with myself multiple times in cars and showers, I've won so many arguments. Those are my places.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:06 Yeah, the shower is a great place to have it out with yourself.
Alice Vaughn 22:09 Yes, it really is. or to recap on debates you could have won,
Yvette d'Entremont 22:14 or that you're gonna win later today that you know, are never gonna happen. This is why I'm right. Somehow seeing the person that you're that you were totally going to have a huge argument with. They never happened. No, I'd like the volume level of it goes down by about 12 notches.
Alice Vaughn 22:31 Yeah. Or you see a popular tweet and you get so angry but you don't know how to respond online. So just argue about it in the shower. I'm sorry, Ben Shapiro. We have debated multiple times.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:41 Yeah. Ben Shapiro is a sad little man.
Joanna Angel 22:44 I know I'm not one of those people that I don't I don't like to fight with people. On Twitter I do is different. It gives me anxiety. I don't like it. But so like when I see something I don't agree with I have to like, tell someone. You're like, I don't know.
But I won't say on Twitter it
Yvette d'Entremont 23:02 depends on the group that's being douchey on Twitter if I'm going to engage or not, like if I know engaging with this person will get their little army of sad people on my case, then I'm like and not worth my time, right?
Unknown Speaker 23:15 If it's gonna
Yvette d'Entremont 23:15 get me new followers, I'll admit I'm like, trolling for new people to come and listen to the podcast and read my writing. That's, that's good. I admire that. You know, I can't get it. You're passionate. Ben Shapiro is fine.
Joanna Angel 23:28 One day, if I were retiring from life, I'm just gonna respond to everyone
I ever wanted to stay when I like and then delete.
Yvette d'Entremont 23:40 I am a firm believer in deleting Twitter history. That's further back than a year.
Unknown Speaker 23:44 Oh, okay.
Yvette d'Entremont 23:46 That makes sense. Like why? Yeah, because your Twitter has three this longer than a year old really isn't relevant. I think that everyone has like tweets that are within a conversation where you're just like, fuck you delete your account that a year later look stupid and in the moment were completely fine and were completely in the tone. And I think that's a pretty normal thing to do is like a lot of people go back and delete tweets that are longer than a year old.
Unknown Speaker 24:11 That's a good idea.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:13 I don't do it on my Facebook page, but Twitter Yeah, like those are just a lot of those are 140 characters shits, like,
Joanna Angel 24:19 I like Instagram. I think it's a more friendly place. Yes, you know, you can post cool photos of food and dogs and look at the good looking people. And you can just write like, a witty little caption and like, you know, there's less like, it's this oasis of non douchey Enos. Yeah, yeah, I've learned things. I've learned recipes and workout routines and like things that are useful rather than better
Yvette d'Entremont 24:48 for makeup stuff.
Joanna Angel 24:50 Yeah, makeup stuff. It's really good for that. And it's
Yvette d'Entremont 24:53 like it's it's slightly less gossipy than the YouTube makeup.
Joanna Angel 24:56 Totally. Yeah. And it's just a happier friendlier place. I tried to kick off porn stars all the time, but others Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 25:04 Have you had any issues with that?
Joanna Angel 25:06 I haven't a
Alice Vaughn 25:08 knock on everything knocking out so much wood. I'm knocking on everything. I'll
Joanna Angel 25:12 knock on some dicks. I'm very, very, very careful. You know, so I should probably be even more careful than I am. But it's hard. It's like, I gotta promote my stuff. And my stuff is hard. But I try to be very careful, tasteful
Yvette d'Entremont 25:25 or quote, tasteful in the pictures that are posted to promote it.
Alice Vaughn 25:28 Well, we've also had conversations with multiple people on the show. I forgot who mentioned it, but Oh, Lance Hart, who mentioned Yeah, how different are Fitzpatrick people from porn stars? I mean, come
Unknown Speaker 25:40 on, in terms of what they're posting not. Not
Alice Vaughn 25:44 much. Yeah, no,
Joanna Angel 25:46 I could say the difference which I know I know the porn star argument for it. And, well, the differences that most of us porn stars are promoting our porn. So yes. From what I understand, because I've actually like Talk to people at Instagram about it. You know, porn people like aren't getting deleted for the amount of nudity. They are getting deleted because they're promoting porn. So the difference people do say like, oh, like this fitness model, she's showing her nipples. Why can't I show my nipples? It's like, because when you show your nipples, you're saying, watch my new scene on so and so's calm and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. But the fitness person is not saying that they're like posting a fitness routine. They're just saying to buy their diet tea instead. Instagram is actually banning all accounts that promote flat tummy tea. No. Oh.
Nice. Yeah, they're starting to crack down on stuff like good,
Yvette d'Entremont 26:44 cuz flat tummy tea is bullshit.
Joanna Angel 26:48 It's a tough thing, you know, because we're all using it to promote our business. And it's a very gray area of whether we're allowed to promote our business or not, you know, I have read it. If you're Promoting a website where the homepage has a, like a splash page, like, are you over 18? Then Okay, there. So that is the difference, unfortunately, and I know a lot of porn people say it and they're like, oh, why can't this person and why does this person get to wear a thong? And I don't? It's like, well, because you're promoting porn. And that's technically against the rules. So you have to be like, like, what kind of criminals? I don't know. Like, if you're a criminal, you gotta pay your taxes on time, or else you know what I mean?
Alice Vaughn 27:30 It's like, you have to be more careful when you're doing, you're already violating things in the first place. And I completely get it because listeners of the show know that I own a brand called offensive crayons, and I was banned from Amazon. And sometimes people freak out about, hey, why were you banned from Amazon? And why am I not you know, banging down doors and drums and because at the same time, I also believe that platforms have a right to be asked what kind of content they do allow and don't allow I think for me it's what I care about are what rules are they setting down and then how are they you know, applying those rules to different people you know exactly
Yvette d'Entremont 28:11 I think they applied the rule in a silly way to you but at the same time, your product is called offensive crayons.
Joanna Angel 28:17 You wanted to offend people.
Unknown Speaker 28:19 Yeah, it works. You offended white people and children
Alice Vaughn 28:22 tactically, Caucasians, Caucasians what
Joanna Angel 28:26 was so offensive about the crayons, the crayons they have colors
Alice Vaughn 28:29 like boner pill blue and miscarriage Maroon but I mean, one of the things that I wrote about children was in my marketing ad for Amazon when I had it up I basically said I can guarantee that these weren't made with slave labor. Okay, look, I'm saying is they're, they're tiny fingers in China are just very good for when you're eight years old. I'm just putting on the crown labels. Okay? No, it's done by a machine. So it wasn't actually done by children, but I was being very tongue in cheek There's plenty of colors that are a lot worse within the set, but I make fun of everyone. There's a white color called privilege. There's Oh, that's funny. The black one is called Lives Matter.
Yvette d'Entremont 29:12 So
Joanna Angel 29:13 that's cute. Well, I'm sure there's a place for those crayons somewhere. You can sell them on your Instagram. I maybe
Yvette d'Entremont 29:23 they do pretty well from just going viral from time to time.
Alice Vaughn 29:26 Oh, really? Yeah. And actually so and I'll plug it really quick on this podcast. So if you're listening to this episode, so I have a contest right now for new porn sex pack, where if you go on to the website offensive Krantz calm you go to the color name, submit a color name section. If I choose your color name between now and September 1, are they sold anywhere?
Unknown Speaker 29:51 Yeah, well.
Alice Vaughn 29:53 They know they totally are. They're sold and plenty of gift stores. I actually just signed a licensing deal with the same company that does distribution for Hasbro and Mattel. Oh, geez. Okay, see
Yvette d'Entremont 30:05 your Barbie doll?
Joanna Angel 30:07 You don't need Amazon. Oh.
Alice Vaughn 30:10 Well, I'll get back on I will fight them. Oh yeah. or someone's lawyers will fight them. But my point is this if you think you have an offensive color name submitted because if I choose your name for the porn sex pack then you could possibly be the proud owner of $500 in gain the crayon name into the set so offensive Krantz calm
Yvette d'Entremont 30:32 Okay, I'm gonna submit some there are kind of not rules but guidelines. What makes a good color name? Don't send us a color name. That's just the N word because it's offensive. That's not clever or funny. Yep.
Joanna Angel 30:45 If you're going to have open submissions, not funny people are going to come in. Not pick them.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:51 Yep, we're just saying there are guidelines. You can do it. We trust you.
Alice Vaughn 30:55 I've had so many people already Submit. Boo cocky. Why'd come stain Why? Red Rocket like you guys we you know
Yvette d'Entremont 31:02 what we do for a living right like we thought of those yeah right go existential with this.
Joanna Angel 31:08 What's blue khaki white like I get it I get it like there's a lot like I get there's a lot of come in a blue khaki and becomes white but that's like a far stretch man. So you know, like,
Yvette d'Entremont 31:20 like for gray or green, we're probably gonna go with the guilt you feel from getting off a little too hard to tentacle porn,
Alice Vaughn 31:28 something like that.
Joanna Angel 31:30 That's gonna be really long. This needs to be a long ass crayon.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:33 Figure it out. We do multiple lines.
Alice Vaughn 31:35 I know. For one of the greens My heart is set on the money that porn stars don't get from clip sites. Something like that.
Unknown Speaker 31:43 I don't know.
Alice Vaughn 31:44 You know, I have to just reiterate people should pay for their porn at some point your
Yvette d'Entremont 31:49 porn. Pay for your porn. It's whispered into the wind ASMR notification to pay for your board.
Alice Vaughn 31:57 Guys. I know you haven't written comments. And it shows. I also know I show offense. No offense guys, we're just saying some people do some sense actually from the
Yvette d'Entremont 32:11 given that it's offensive crayons, so don't do it.
Alice Vaughn 32:13 The worst part was on the first day of the contest. Do you guys understand how many entries I got? How many Take a guess? 700. More. So on it is 1200 around 1200 entries the first day.
Yvette d'Entremont 32:28 Were there any good ones?
Alice Vaughn 32:30 There were maybe like three good ones. That's fine. I would I would expect that
Yvette d'Entremont 32:35 that's a bad person. That's not bad. The percentage is pretty bad. You're putting
Joanna Angel 32:41 the creative choice in other people's hands. It's true, but the
Yvette d'Entremont 32:45 suggestion we're throwing out is look at the color names for all the other packs that are out and look at the rules and just don't send us period blood red man, that's not a good name. No, it's not. I guess
Joanna Angel 32:56 you should have a list of all the all the reject names.
Alice Vaughn 32:59 What I think about We're gonna do is write an email to all of my people on my mailing list of all the reject names or I'm going to post that somewhere where these were the worst of the worst. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 33:09 I think that'd be funny. Yeah, do the worst ones.
Alice Vaughn 33:13 Why not? I mean, there's so many I keep getting over and over. I feel like I should at least come out with maybe a top 20 or top 10.
Unknown Speaker 33:22 Or so bad. Not gonna be funny.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:25 This is exactly what we're not looking for. We'll get you know, closer to $500. But
Alice Vaughn 33:33 you've also written plenty of comedy.
Joanna Angel 33:35 Yes. Lots and lots of it.
Alice Vaughn 33:37 I have to say event and I reviewed the Walking Dead porn that you shot. Oh, thank you. We preferred it over the actual version of the walk. Yeah, I don't like The
Yvette d'Entremont 33:48 Walking Dead and I loved the Walking Dead port. It was amazing.
Joanna Angel 33:52 Thank you very much. Yeah. Tommy pistol has a lot to do
Unknown Speaker 33:55 with that one. We've never seen a thing with him that we didn't like.
Joanna Angel 33:58 Yeah, Tommy's amazing. A very special person.
Alice Vaughn 34:02 And I remember actually the first time we had Tommy on our show, he mentioned that you helped him get into porn. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 34:08 I mean, I got him into porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:12 I said, Well,
Joanna Angel 34:12 we got into porn. Yeah, we got into porn together.
Unknown Speaker 34:16 Oh, yeah.
Joanna Angel 34:18 Like my porno brother. And
Alice Vaughn 34:19 he was telling us about fucking on a rooftop.
Joanna Angel 34:21 It was my first scene and his first scene.
Alice Vaughn 34:24 Wait, it was your first scene as well?
Yvette d'Entremont 34:26 Yeah, it's like the genesis
Joanna Angel 34:28 of I don't know anybody else who that's happened to because that's like the Adam and Eve of the Sarah just
Yvette d'Entremont 34:34 right to life.
Joanna Angel 34:36 Oh, yeah, we are. We're like, oh my god.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:40 In the beginning. It's like the Alpha and Omega came into being on this one day and no one knew this was the penis and vagina that we're gonna put right there. Sure. Oh, wow. All right. Yeah, I'm gonna stop being shocked by that. I'm just I just I just want to sit back and apply. I want to find that video now. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 34:57 it's in 2004 2000 I've donated our first scene. Yeah, it's so cool.
Alice Vaughn 35:03 I'm just personally disappointed that New York doesn't have a bigger porn scene. Because I know you and Tommy are from New York.
Joanna Angel 35:10 Yeah. And we did it in New York for a really long time. And then it was time to go, you know, I made porn in New York for a while. And then I was really sad when I had to leave. I tried to make it work, you know? But it's like, it makes sense. You know, and I was so I'm never moving to LA I'm never moving to LA LA is wonderful. And
Yvette d'Entremont 35:29 I will vouch for LA every time. I'm just saying the weed is legal here. And you it's like, it's like New York, but you can breathe.
Joanna Angel 35:39 I don't like breathing. So.
Alice Vaughn 35:42 Thank you. It's overrated.
Yvette d'Entremont 35:44 Look, I like breathing intermittently, a little blood choking is fine.
Joanna Angel 35:47 I mean, I've lived here I've lived in LA for, I don't know, 1012 years now. So I can't even say New York is home anymore. But New York is always going to be home to me. Yeah. You know, you
Yvette d'Entremont 35:57 have your spot in the universe that you're drawn to magnetically drawn to Yeah,
Joanna Angel 36:01 but it kind of makes sense you know the porn shot here like first everything in New York is very small you know and like for filming anything not just filming a porn you need a big yeah it's
like film people fucking cramped in like a
Alice Vaughn 36:18 walking apartment yeah and also
Joanna Angel 36:21 just the weather you know oh yeah there's like eight days of nice weather in New York and you know you need any outdoors you do there girls walking outside, you know girls doing stripteases by swimming pool and I mean just filming anything is kind of more convenient.
Yvette d'Entremont 36:39 It's almost guaranteed good weather here. You know as long as Burbank isn't on fire, you'll be fine. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 36:45 and even if it is, there's plenty of other places to shoot it you know. I mean, I did I remember when all the fires were going on, I had to remove shoots it took, I don't know. 15 minutes.
Yvette d'Entremont 36:55 The burping fires two years ago. I literally moved the day before that happened. I was like packed the car got to San Francisco. And the next day everything was on fire. And then I was basically camped out for one month at one house in the move to the place. I was going to be living a little bit further north near Napa. Those fires were eight miles away. I was like, ah, just the last few years has been everything burned. Yeah. All of our guests live in a bunker in New Mexico. where we live.
Joanna Angel 37:21 Yeah. But um, you know, it just makes more sense for part to be shot in LA but there's a lot of like fetish stuff in New York. And there's I guess like, I think one company that still shoots in New York,
Alice Vaughn 37:34 I mean, there's only so many ways to make a park a sexy Hey, just be more imaginative
Joanna Angel 37:39 there. I mean, there's nowhere you can find like, I remember when we used to shoot and a lot of places like is very few places you can find anywhere that's quiet. Like
you know, just things you need
Alice Vaughn 37:51 and outside la like I'm just saying I've never shot or directed anything. So now I have to bear in mind, you know? Walking into different apartments oh wait this is horrible for filming
Joanna Angel 38:03 yeah very difficult to film stuff when there's loud car noises passing every five seconds you know like the ambulance very common thing on a film set where the sound guy will be like hold for sound hold for sound like it's just like in New York. There's so many sounds. Barry Are you can't hold for southern New York you'll never record anything are some stupid I mean, obviously people film things in New York. I have like, been to like little shoots in New York, filming TV shows and stuff, you know, and they're in studios with the studios are very embarrassing, very expensive. And in LA, I think because there's just so many people shooting porn, you know? Just make sense.
Alice Vaughn 38:41 Okay, so now that you've sold your company, what are you excited about doing nowadays? So are you writing directing, shooting more? What are you doing? action figure?
Joanna Angel 38:51 Yeah, I'm still writing. I'm still.
Alice Vaughn 38:54 I'm just I mean, I'm directing actually. More than ever, you know, we didn't you win. This past year like best seen at the AV ns one a bunch of things
Unknown Speaker 39:06 you're like, thanks for like not to brag, but
Yvette d'Entremont 39:09 I'm on top of everything.
Alice Vaughn 39:10 Yeah, actually, Alice you're kind of forgetting like the 16 different awards but Okay,
Yvette d'Entremont 39:15 tell us tell us
Joanna Angel 39:16 well this year or other years or which award show or I
Unknown Speaker 39:19 don't know
Yvette d'Entremont 39:20 which one are you proud of? So I was just referring to a VMs
Joanna Angel 39:23 this past year and a vn I won for Best Supporting Actress actually.
Oh, in which film in a trailer park taboo,
Yvette d'Entremont 39:33 we're gonna have to review it then.
Joanna Angel 39:35 It's not a very happy movie. It's a sad movie. It's actually the first drama I wrote in porn,
Alice Vaughn 39:41 but we haven't watched any dramas yet. So trailer
Yvette d'Entremont 39:44 park taboo, we're watching it.
Joanna Angel 39:46 Yeah. So that was the first drama I directed and it was nominated for a lot of awards, but the only one at one was the supporting actors but for me, in the in the best supporting actress role of the nice college girl. You know, it's very sad story. It's like Eight Mile, but
Alice Vaughn 40:01 Oh, it's Eight Mile but with porn I like that. Yeah.
putting it on the docket. Yes. We only have about 1000 films on the docket but
Yvette d'Entremont 40:12 yes, it means we're going to be in business for a good long time. Yeah, I'm waiting for us to be like in our in our late 70s and still doing this podcast. You never know if podcasts and the internet and civilization are still a thing.
Alice Vaughn 40:27 We'll be the Dr. Ruth, Ruth of Paul and the revealing.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:32 stucco. I'm not even going to try to do the accent today. I'm not sorry, is Dr. Lewis ignite, I have the Jewish Nish but not the Russian this. I can't do them together.
Joanna Angel 40:44 You know, he go on burning Angel because we have lots of movies that you can review.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:50 What's your favorite work you've done that you've been involved with in any way? Ah, I don't know.
Alice Vaughn 40:54 What's your least favorite work? How about that
memorable I mean
Joanna Angel 41:00 Every time I make a new movies, I always like my new ones better than my old ones. You know, I think everybody
Yvette d'Entremont 41:06 that happens with me and my writing to myself.
Joanna Angel 41:09 Yeah, and Well, last year in in just in December, I made a movie called Insomniac. That's that's probably my favorite one. So it's thriller. And then I guess Okay, I guess I have two of my favorite ones of all time and one which did win for Best Comedy a couple years ago. And it was called choose love black cock. And it's my favorite very specific as a as a Jew. I approve of this. Yeah, well, you should have watched that movie is very important movie and Jewish cinema.
Unknown Speaker 41:44 L'chaim. I'll watch it okay. A lot
Joanna Angel 41:47 of people think it's funny because I get it. The title is funny, but like the movie is legitimately funny. Like, it's not just like, we have to watch this though. You know, I get it. The title you laugh at because it's important. Title Oh
Yvette d'Entremont 42:00 no, I think it's amazing and I want to see it for so many reasons.
Joanna Angel 42:04 A movie you will laugh with, I promise it's very funny I worked very very hard on it and I actually had before I filmed it I had a good friend of mine who's like a comedian. Look over some of it and they were like in tears. We have
Yvette d'Entremont 42:18 to review this and I feel like we have to get a black friend on to review it with us. So we have a Jewish friend a black friend and our most arion person we know
Joanna Angel 42:27 Yeah, never met a black person or a Jewish person that didn't like the movie The only people that were offended by it were
Unknown Speaker 42:33 the goyim yeah white people that
Joanna Angel 42:35 weren't either
Alice Vaughn 42:36 let's find a rabbi if your Rabbi email us info to girls on mic calm
Yvette d'Entremont 42:40 let's get our friend BJ Kramer on he is the CJ is a former has said but like he like escaped and we have Tales from him. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 42:51 there's some Hasidic people in my family
Yvette d'Entremont 42:53 as I like to say I'm Jewish. Yeah, that's a little bit. Mine is guilt and lock cuz that's basically my Religion
Joanna Angel 43:00 Yeah, I would highly recommend watching it. It's very funny joke a Black Hawk. And then also there was another movie that was one of my favorites and it's called metal massage. And it's about two metal heads that run a massage parlor. And I really love it. It's very funny.
Alice Vaughn 43:15 This is gonna sound very silly, but what is a metal head per se? I mean, you just got to see the movie. Find out. I was just wow, like really into metal music.
Joanna Angel 43:26 I mean, they're like two dudes with big hair and they you know, and then they kind of like the typical massages they do like like they had an air guitar special in the massage parlor, where the misuse just plays air guitar and the girl this girl massages herself. I'm picturing some singing
Unknown Speaker 43:48 in the middle of the massage. We don't have the license to do that, but Oh, yeah,
Joanna Angel 43:54 but it's it's really funny. I really love that one too. We had like a lot of fun making that one.
Alice Vaughn 43:59 Yeah. I can imagine though, where licenses come into an issue where you want to maybe, you know, pull in a song, but then you can't play it because you don't have the rights to it
Joanna Angel 44:11 in any song at all. I actually have a lot of when burning Angel first started, I used some, like rancid songs and bouncing soul songs and stuff in some of my earlier movies, because I did I had like good friends that were friends of the man and you know, and
Alice Vaughn 44:25 it was awesome, but that is very rare. Yeah, nowadays you get pulled with a DMCA like this, right? Well,
Joanna Angel 44:32 yeah. Okay, I put a song in any movie unless you have permission. I mean, that would be insane. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 44:38 absolutely.
Alice Vaughn 44:40 I mean, I also recorded like a little bit of the AV ends, and I had like the trail end of I think, some cardi B and they're like, No, you can't. And I didn't realize the things you
Unknown Speaker 44:53 learn.
Yvette d'Entremont 44:54 They're out to find it you realize
Joanna Angel 44:55 why all porn looks the way it does. You know, like When you can't use logos and you can't use songs and you can't you know, you realize like how much
Alice Vaughn 45:07 you can't use logos so a lot of clothing Do you have to not use stuff that ever has logos on it can't use stuff that ever has load. Wow.
Joanna Angel 45:13 I mean, you can't do that in a regular movie either. But they get permit.
Alice Vaughn 45:17 I didn't realize that
Joanna Angel 45:19 you can you know how many times I've had to black out like the Nike logo on sneakers because it's always like, you're doing doggy you always see the guy shoes always there's always like,
Yvette d'Entremont 45:27 Oh, that's true. One of my friends they were filming a reality show in his house and they had to take like black electrical tape and put it over every like a Maytag label on the refrigerator label over that when I use
Joanna Angel 45:38 it in my house. I used to live in a shoot house. And yeah, everything. Everything in the house was black tape everywhere. It felt like sorry. Yeah, because apparently otherwise it's advertising. Yeah. I mean, you can't even have paintings hung up that you'd unless it's like public domain stuff. You know? What? Yeah, somebody's painting.
Unknown Speaker 45:59 That's a good thing. point
Joanna Angel 46:00 though. That is, yeah, that's why when you see most porn, it's like in a very generic looking house with very ugly artwork on the wall. That's like, oh, here's this painting. That's like a weird red splotch.
Yvette d'Entremont 46:14 Whatever, like you were allowed. Exactly. You have to buy the most. Hey, it's not a Rothko, but it looks like it
Alice Vaughn 46:22 so it'll work. There needs to be a Rembrandt for porn is true.
Joanna Angel 46:26 They probably make good money if there was like a store in LA that just sold like a bunch of non trademarked everything that you could use for movie, you know, just like the black or after. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 46:37 it's not a Rothko or Pollock, but I smeared stuff on a painting and it looks exactly the fuck like it. Here
Joanna Angel 46:42 you go. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 46:44 no, it's true. So business idea number 1057. I think this is paintings for porn stars. Yeah, well, just in general for movies. You know, filming. Yeah.
Joanna Angel 46:56 Unless you're like a, you know, big production company and you can do that. real stuff.
Alice Vaughn 47:00 And if you're a big production company who's somehow listening to the show, contact us.
Unknown Speaker 47:06 Or somebody who just paints like paintings for use on set paintings to fuck in front of
Joanna Angel 47:15 what we really need is just a very mediocre artists to contact us.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:22 I'm just picturing now like a Karen at an Ikea like choosing one of those really bad mass produced prints going. Yeah, that's good for the bedroom. I could fuck in front of that. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 47:32 yeah, I could do anal in front of it.
Joanna Angel 47:34 I mean, these are things that you have to think of when you're a producer.
Alice Vaughn 47:39 I've never even considered that where you have to look at an art piece and think if it's gonna go well with your anal scene, or if it's allowed, or
Joanna Angel 47:46 not allowed, I think I think it would look great if I was having anal sex in front of like a cool photo of Iggy Pop, but that's just not allowed.
Alice Vaughn 47:57 We can't have any Jackson Pollock's in here.
Joanna Angel 47:59 It's going to just be a plain white wall or maybe some modern art piece that
Yvette d'Entremont 48:04 maybe if you are personally listening to this and you think it's okay to use your image in pornography contact us info to girls one Mike because we want people to bang with your image
Joanna Angel 48:14 he deserves more than that
Yvette d'Entremont 48:16 look I'm just saying we want to see Danny DeVito porn and we're being denied
Alice Vaughn 48:21 statistical likelihood if you're a gay pups asst
Joanna Angel 48:26 that's not gonna happen, guys.
Yvette d'Entremont 48:28 No, look, weirder shit has happened on this show. I'm just saying. All right.
Joanna Angel 48:33 What's exciting in your life? porn non porn. Yeah, I don't know. I've been directing. This year. It's been pretty exciting because I felt like I did the same thing in porn for a very, very long time. Being in my own company, and I've been able to branch out and do new things. Oh, look, I had this hair. I'll show it mbn magazine did like a very big story on me and put me on the air
Alice Vaughn 48:58 was pretty amazing. screenshots of this and putting it to our Patreon because this is awesome and you
Joanna Angel 49:05 killer in that thank you thank you very much wow vampire
Alice Vaughn 49:12 I want to know where you got that one piece even how can we describe this one piece to our audience?
Joanna Angel 49:17 You know plain black simple one piece Lacey. I think I got it on Amazon the place you are banned from Ha ha ha.
Alice Vaughn 49:27 Well, they take a lot of my money. I'm a banker, but not from buying shit that's like every other day.
Yvette d'Entremont 49:35 Oh, Amazon,
Alice Vaughn 49:36 Jeff Bezos call me. I want my own $50 billion. And your
Unknown Speaker 49:42 ex wife. He is looking for a new one. Sorry, dating.
Yvette d'Entremont 49:47 My dog needs to announce that a leaf blue somewhere in the neighborhood. That's a problem. The leafs
Joanna Angel 49:53 should have consulted with him first,
Yvette d'Entremont 49:55 buddy. Thank you for alerting me. I don't know what I would have done without you. He's very cute. Very A tiny little thing. Oh, dear. I have I likewise had the foofy la dog. Yeah,
Joanna Angel 50:06 yeah, good. Two little furballs
Alice Vaughn 50:08 you know, I feel like I'm the only person whenever we're recording who doesn't have an animal at this point? this time next year, I want a dog.
Unknown Speaker 50:16 Yeah. And a dog. You're going to be all grown up and you're going to have yourself to
Joanna Angel 50:21 have one at this time next week, actually. Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:25 Like, the way getting buddy was I was at this festival and the animal shelter was there like saying here are dogs and I was like, I think I want that dog and I went home and considered it and drove 50 miles the next day back to get that dog. So you can literally get a dog tomorrow.
Alice Vaughn 50:43 However, I might be in a situation to get a clone. And this is going to sound really crazy, but let me explain. So what am i friends may or may not be conducting an interview for my friends company and in return This company. She comes from a science background. She used to work in labs. And she has this adorable like little black poodle called Mr. Gibbs. Which anyone who ever sees this toy poodle, they just want to keep him because he's a stuffed animal. But this company specializes in cloning animals. Of course, it's ridiculous. It's like an arm leg. It's like 50 grand to set up the clone. Yeah, I feel like I've heard about that before. I'm one of those like, the ridiculous things rich and famous people do or something. Yeah, like Barbra Streisand has like, 13 of them. Who knows? Right, right. Yeah. But there is a good chance that if you know she goes through the interview, she could get a clone of this little dog and I want to clone and also just to say I have a clone of something is just cool. And insane. So look, I know I'm definitely gonna get like a rescue dog. But I mean, if you can
Yvette d'Entremont 51:54 get it for free, then it's
Joanna Angel 51:56 free phone dog. Like don't pass that up.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:58 Yeah. do that if it's free, but at the same time if you sit there and hold out for years, well, it's still not happening.
Joanna Angel 52:05 Just go to the shelter and get a dog and then I hold out
Unknown Speaker 52:08 shelters a backup,
Yvette d'Entremont 52:10 there are adorable loving, sweet dogs that will lick your face until you are crying with happiness that are sitting at a shelter right now why and they're great for their mother. I'm saying this to everyone in the audience who's considering getting a dog get a dog that will make you so much happier. Both
Joanna Angel 52:26 of my dogs are shelter dogs and seem like every dog owner, I sincerely believe that my dogs are cuter than anybody else's.
Unknown Speaker 52:35 And you're right.
Yvette d'Entremont 52:37 Here's my little foof Oh, he's cute, but useless. Yeah, no, my dogs aren't. He's a good lap dog. Why would you want
Alice Vaughn 52:46 a smart dog? Exactly. I don't want I don't want a dog that can outsmart me. Yeah, exactly. I want a smart dog. I'm sorry, am I the only one. I
Yvette d'Entremont 52:56 know last dog was smart, but she was kind of a sociopath.
Joanna Angel 53:00 My dogs just understand sleeping and eating and snuggling. Very basic, basic things.
Yvette d'Entremont 53:07 I wish buddy were a little smarter. Like, he has never once caught a treat that I've thrown for him. He is a broken little animal. Yeah, he's very sweet. He's a little creature of habit. He sleeps under the covers on my feet. And he's just he's so cute. But he is useless. And I'm aware of this. That's
Joanna Angel 53:25 good. Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 53:26 But it's like, I know what he is. He's a lover no
Joanna Angel 53:29 matter Yeah, just sit on your lap and have have a good time.
Yvette d'Entremont 53:33 That's what I got with him.
Alice Vaughn 53:34 So obviously, a lot of our audience already knows you and where to find your stuff or burning Angel stuff. But for those who want to see more of you, where can our audience find you? Well just go to burning angel.com
Joanna Angel 53:45 You can find me on Twitter. And you can find me on Instagram just at Joanna Angel. Both of my accounts are verified. And actually you can search me on Pornhub you can find my stuff there.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:00 For saying is Joanna is Omniscient and Omnipresent, omnipotent
Joanna Angel 54:05 it's very easy to find me there's no excuse
Yvette d'Entremont 54:08 you Anna is the she is the goddess of the porn universe you can find her everywhere. Thank you she is all of us we get a
Joanna Angel 54:15 boner. I'm there somewhere.
Alice Vaughn 54:17 You heard it. You felt the Boehner I feel it. Everything felt
Yvette d'Entremont 54:22 real. Yeah, she is the essence of it. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 54:27 Can you imagine if God could feel boners I hope God is a Boehner. He got his I mean, he.
Joanna Angel 54:34 Big Boehner
Yvette d'Entremont 54:36 get to heaven and just God is one giant hairy testicle sack. So speaking of testicle sacks, so we have some
Alice Vaughn 54:45 we have some Patreon, who are going to get some additional content from this episode to think this week. And this week, we want to thank Kelly Frazier, Sonia Eau Claire Kevin bounty, Steven Jones, Dale stringham, Mike sorbets. Debbie rain right Dionysus Eris night Falco hi thing. Graham Smallwood, Richard Horrell Teresa SEL and many many more and if you also want to become a Patreon just join us over@patreon.com slash two girls on mic or just go to two girls for Mike comm where you could find our Facebook or Twitter and all things that we do and for more content from this episode, but of course you can find event and I separately bouncing around and if at work in our audience find you over at the cyber on Twitter and
Yvette d'Entremont 55:31 Instagram and on Facebook. I'm at facebook.com slash cyber where you can find me serving up science and the heaping dose of dick jokes and snark Alice,
Alice Vaughn 55:40 where can people find you? Oh, you can just find me at my respective Twitter at rational blonde. But, guys, we'll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in.
Unknown Speaker 55:49 Bye bye. Bye.
Alice Vaughn 55:54 Kelly Frasier, Sanyo, Claire,
Kevin bounty, Steven Jones, Dalston, I'm Mike sorbetto Debbie rain right. Dionysus Eris night. Falco. Hi, Graham Smallwood, Richard Horrell, Teresa, Sal and many, many more
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
22 Jan 2021
#121- The Worst Porn's Sequel
01:08:23
Alice & Yvette are joined by sex worker Elise Kennedy (@elisekennedyuk) to review Avenger XXX 2, and how it's infinitely better than its predecessor. The ladies discuss Elise's transition from sex worker to Onlyfans, UK rules, the Stan Lee of porn, Denmark's newest show, spider sex, Gogurt, and lobsters.
Alice is joined by co-host, Missy Martinez (@MissyXMartinez) and comedian Harrison Tweed (@TweedyJokes) to review Karate Kid XXX! The trio discuss coke nail, Will Smith's beating sex workers, 2 hour sex scenes, asian porn starts, ball sacks, porn houses, large dicks, and anal tips!
Alice & Kate are joined by OG guest & adult performer Sinn Sage (@sinnsage)! The trio discuss content creation, OnlyFan's tax crisis, buthole hair remoal, jerk off instructions, seltzer water, government regulation, canibalism, bad boyfriends, and more!
Camgirl and activist Ginger Banks (@gingerbanks1) solidifies her place in the girl squad by joining Yvette and Alice to discuss what it's like to be a cam girl, portrayal of the sex industry in entertainment, sticking sponges into your vagina, crypto, and working towards destigmatization. Listen to more of our convo by becoming a Patreon! Don't forget to leave us a review!
Good things come in "little" packages! Yvette & Alice are joined by legal sex worker, Alice Little (@TheAliceLittle), who discusses what it's like to work in a brothel in the Nevada! The ladies discuss safety, pegging, why every bedroom needs an extension cord, and legalization.
Alice and Natalia are joined by Justin Young of Great Night Podcast (@JustinRYoung) to review Married with Children parody porn! The threesome discuss the Illuminati, professional wrestlers having illegitimate children, soaking & jump humping, sexsomnia, escaping from prison, pubes on ham, MDMA or mint, The Book of Whoreman, Alice's stance on poachers, career suicide, and a porn review of Married With Children, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian & RISK! host, Kevin Allison (@TheKevinAllison) to review the Brazzer's Game of Thrones porn parody, Storm of Kings. The trio talks about the importance of how to choke, tasting pee, dragon fetishes, figging, accents, and more!
Alice and Yvette review the 70's classic, Debbie Does Dallas. They dare to ask the questions no one else wants to: Does it hold up? Is it too rapey? Why is someone doing a pile driver in the shower? Who keeps a rotary phone on a tennis court? Is it sanitary to stick a candle in your vagina? We also review Alice's time in Barcelona and going with Yvette to a spa. Support us on Patreon!
Alice and Yvette this week interview trans superstar and multiple AVN award winner, Venus Lux @VenusLux. Listen to topics such as Alice's sweater, transitioning, dating within the industry, who is our daddy?, and another plea for creative dick pics which we likely will regret.
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian and Jim Jeffries Show correspondent, Curtis Cook (@Curtis_Cook), to review Archer porn...all 4 hours of it. In an episode to where we yet again praise Tommy Pistol, talk Dancing with the Stars, getting fired from the government, MS13, micropenises, Babylon Bee, and social media.
Watch the premiere of Crank Yankers September 25th.
Live in LA? 9/5 go see Giant Robot Comedy Night (8pm show at GRT (2062 Sawtelle Blvd.) in Sawtelle Japantow)
13 May 2021
#135- Techdomme
01:19:30
Alice & Kate Kennedy are joined by Financial and Tech dominatrix, Mistress Harley (@Techdomme)! We chat what is a Techdomme, crazy castration stories, smart home fuckery, sextpanther, 2275 compliance, tech censorship, screening slaves, sissy play, legal debt contracts, loserhallofshame.com, and more!
Alice & Yvette chat with NYT Best Seller, Wednesday Martin (@WednesdayMartin ), on her new book "UNTRUE" and why everything we know about female lust and infidelity is wrong [with the science to back it up]. We also find out straight females are super freaks, which might explain why Alice has dirty thoughts about Captain Crunch.
Great slut! Alice & Yvette are joined by StarTalk Allstar, Natalia Reagan (@natalia13reagan), to review "Fap to the Future." Join the ladies as they discuss how Marty Dickfly is thrown back in time, and with the help of Cock Brown needs to make sure her parents fingerbang at the Enchantment Under the Semen Dance.
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian/pornstar, Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx) to review the porn version of Pulp Fiction...Pump Fiction. In it, Johnny and Sean are two hit men on a hunt for a briefcase with a special toy for their employer, Mr. Marcus. Their day is filled with intense blowjobs, guns, and action. Plus, you'll never guess how the boss's wife, Nikki, is revived after she ODs in the pornified version of the classic scene.
Alice & Kate Kennedy are joined by comic Wenzler Powers (@WenzlerPowers) to review Woodrocket's Vencum porn parody! They also discuss mustache rides from Saddam Hussein, personalized gifts, Tom Brady doesn't eat tomotoes, alien beastiality, April O'Neil is our Meryl Streep, scientist porn names, posing tips, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian & adult actress Sovereign Syre (@SovereignSyre) to discuss religion making people guily about eating ass, what will be considered the "lobotomy" of our generation, what's wrong with porn plots, COVID vaccines, not preying on your fan base, and Mr. Number.
Alice & Yvette are joined by the original tranpa, Buck Angel (@BuckAngel)! The trio discusses cancel culture, coronavirus, trans activism, being misrepresented, GI Joe having a vagina, and more!
Alice is joined by comics and fellow Trek nerds, Andrew Heaton (@MightyHeaton) and Paul Mattingly (@thefamouspaul)! The trio discuss Klingon and intergalactic curse words, Star Trek sets, Klingon double dicks, holodeck ethics, cum roombas, John McAfee, and more! They also the review "Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Parody"
Or leave us a review or share the show with friends!
31 Mar 2020
#80- All American Butthole
00:55:11
Alice & Yvette are joined by pornstar, Kenna James (@kennajames21). The ladies struggle to review Twilight porn, talk historical vampires, conovavirus updates, abstinence porn, weird porn sets, and more.
Yvette & Alice have a foursome with comedians Matt & Mattingly (@HeyScoops) to review Space Nuts! Join them as they review the the sci-fi flick that parodies dozens of movies from the last 35 years and make a number of dad jokes.
For details about Scoopfest & to listen to Matt and Mattingly's Ice Cream Social: https://heyscoops.com
12 Aug 2020
#100- Blow Shit Up
01:11:47
Alice & Yvette are joined by Cindy Gallop (@cindygallop), founder of MakeLoveNotPorn! The trio discuss real sex versus porn sex, sexual values, consent, tech sex bans, micro-actions everyone can do to elicit change, and how to get an absurd deal on an apartment.
Alice & Yvette are joined by adult actress, Sofia Rose (@BbwSofiaRose)! The trio discuss changing narratives, feederism, tits curing COVID, breaking noses with butts, fake boobs, ball kicking, mental health, and being a humanitarian.
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian Jesse Case (@jessecase) to review the appropriately named parody of the sci-fi thriller Ex-Machina. The trio discuss new uses for CAPTCA, cancer, Nashville, hurricanes, porn product placement, sex doll comedians, and more!
The man, the myth, the porn legend...who's not Ron Jeremy, EVAN STONE joins Alice & Yvette on this week's episode. The trio chat about how he got into porn, his best and worst moments, wrestling, breaking the bed, and more!
In an experiment, a pair of scientists use electric jolts to induce a woman to have erotic dreams. The sex might normal, but the situations are anything but. Yvette & Alice breakdown what it's like to get it on with a Jack in the box, fish, cowgirls, and a life-size box of Cream of Wheat.
It's the ladies first foursome with hosts Keanu and Allan from "The Week in Sex" (@TheWeekInSex). The group reviews a Keeping Up with the Kardashian porn parody, Keanu meets more jewish people, and Bounty becomes an unofficial sponsor of this episode.
2/08/2019 Update: It's come to light that Mercedes has recently been arrested and charged with allegations of of sexual abuse of a child below the age of ten years old. If convicted, we will be removing this episode.
------
Yvette and Alice are joined by the stunning and brilliant pornstar-engineer Mercedes Carrera (@TheMercedesXXX) to discuss Operation M.I.L.F, porn as contraband, legislation that affects porn, industry health testing, FOSTA-SESTA, free speech, internet regulation, and politics in the South China Sea.
Yvette & Alice are joined by the Frotcast's Vince Mancini (@VinceMancini) to review an original porno plot: LOVE EMERGENCY. A love story about panhandling-dropout that accidentally becomes an emergency room doctor and tries to keep his job to win over a nurse.
Alice is joined by guest-host Ginger Banks (@gingerbanks) and her fellow pornstar friend, Lo Valentine (@LoValentine_). The ladies watch Deadpool XXX and talk set makeup, trademarks, Star Wars prequels, bad Cosmo sex tips, fluffers, fake pop shots, conspiracy theories in porn, and more. Don't forget to leave a review!
Alice & Yvette are joined by adult performer & comedian Rodrick Jackson (@RodJacksonXXX)! The trio review the live action, MUSICAL porn, The Loin King. We also discuss if Scar did anything wrong, don't bone your heroes, lion years, sex with Amazonian woman, porn for women and more!
Use code TGOM at My.Bookie and get $1000 in FREE PLAY on them!
The man, the myth, the porn legend...who's not Ron Jeremy, EVAN STONE joins Alice & Yvette on this week's episode. The trio chat about how he got into porn, his best and worst moments, wrestling, breaking the bed, and more!
Alice & Yvette are back to review a porn golden age classic, The Opening of Misty Beethoven (1976). Of course we have many questions-- Does it hold up? Why is there a guy in a Napoleon costume? Is there anything you CAN learn after you get 3 guys off at the same time? What can we do in a ball pit?
Leave us a review to be entered to win a Clone A Willy!
Alice & Kate Kennedy are joined by comedian Jon Drake to review the Kill Bill porn parody! The trio discuss the government relying on Waffle House, Power rangers stunt coordinator, fake blood censorship, snuff porn, John Mulany's divorce, porno extras, the worst porn sets, Wario & Dogecoin, samuri guys, defrauding the IRS, wikifeet, and more!
Check out Jon's shows Talk Chef: A Top Chef Podcast Blast Zone: Movies That Bombed
21 Jan 2020
#71- Bree's Way
00:45:06
Yvette & Alice are joined by adult director, Bree Mills (@TheBreeMills) to discuss the Netflix of porn, her career, latest films, and how laws like California's AB5 will be impacting the industry.
D'OH! Alice & Yvette are joined by former Simpsons animator, Anna Maltese (@MalteseAnna) to destroy our childhoods! When Homer gets a new camera, Marge can't help but let her blue hair down and and show us the most "colorful" body paint sex scenes we've ever seen.
Leave us a review for a change to win a Clone A Willy!
19 Nov 2020
#114- Dungeons & DeVille
01:05:32
Alice & Yvette are joined by fellow nerd & adult actress, Cherie DeVille (@CherieDeVille)! The trio discuss their love of D&D, Elon Musk's wrath, boob sizes, Omegaverse and why Addison Cain is the worst, porn people selling pseudoscience, running for president, LSD, and more!
Alice and Yvette found the most patriotic American to help review porn with them, Tom Arnold (@TomArnold). Join them in reviewing "Who's Nailin' Paylin?", the autobiography of "Serra Paylin" and her tireless dedication to bridging foreign relations with our overly friendly Russian neighbors. Episode includes an accidental cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger, behind the scenes stories you won't hear elsewhere, and an accidental white supremacist moment.
Alice & Yvette are joined by an AVN award winning dom, Violet Doll (@VioletDoll)! She whips the ladies into learning all about financial humiliation, and how it's not all easy money (unless you're doing an ATM run), and more.
Alice & Yvette are joined by their friend BJ Kramer! The trio go into great detail about Orthodox panty inspection, spicy food, fingerprint scanners, Ron Jeremy, Grenades, fiery blowjobs, and they review Operation Desert Stormy!
Alice & Natalia are joined once more with social psychologist, Justin Lehmiller (@JustinLehmiller)! The trio discuss virtual threesomes, the pandemic's sexual revolution, what sexually satisfied couples are doing, Tinder secrets, Alice being a stalker, ovulation, erotic lactation bars, and more!
This week Alice & Yvette are joined by Hall of Famer, Lisa Ann. Get the scoop of what happened behind "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" and that one lifeguard porn where Lisa "saves" a guy in a bathtub. Also covered on the show: shaving butts and other healthy habits, her return to porn, predators, honing a career in a changing market, and new UK porn regulations. Support us on Patreon!
17 Jun 2020
#92- Sex with Sunny Megatron
00:58:51
Alice & Yvette are joined by fellow sex educator, Sunny Megatron (@sunnymegatron)! The trio discuss whether we draw the line on abortion, trademark laws, hot serial killers, electric wand play, counterfeit sex toys, clown play, getting hot with insects, and more!
Alice & Yvette are joined by Rachel Mason (@RachelMasonArt), director of the new Netflix documentary "Circus of Books". We discuss the history of Circus of Books, making the film around her family, cancel culture, the AIDs epidemic, forcing inclusivity, and obscenity laws.
Yvette & Alice are joined by their friend, satirist, and Science Enthusiast, Dan Broadbent (@aSciEnthusiast), to review It's Always Sunny Porn. The gang also gives you an update on coronavirus, the science of potatoes in the ass, who stole Jesus's foreskin, and dead men ejaculating.
It's less of a sitcom and more of a "sit-cum" as Alice and Yvette review Friends porn this week with comedian, Bridget Phetasy (@BridgetPhetasy). As always, we detail things we know are important to our audience: what constitutes a triple threat in porn? Can a foosball table be used during sex? Who can identify what cooking ingredients are being rubbed on from a 100 yards away?
Yvette & Alice are joined by pornstar, London River (@LondonCRiver), to talk slash fics, obscenity laws, young Ted Danson, Yvette's new thigh gap, and review Cheers! porn.
Alice and Yvette are joined by AVN Nominee and often "step-sister", Kate Kennedy (@KateKennedyxxx). The ladies discuss Portland as a hotbed for strip clubs, using cheese in sex, Kate eating sandwiches, and review the Parks & Rec porn parody. Will this porn parody be... "Too Big To Nail"? Support us on Patreon and listen to extra content!
16 Oct 2019
#59- Cross to Bear
01:10:55
Alice is joined by guest host Allison McKnight (@thatmcknight) and AVN Hall of Fame director, Eli Cross (@eli_cross) to talk porn bloopers, a literal "shit geyser", porn squirting, urine spitting, money laundering, VISA being the ultimate censor, actor rates, and much more. Support us on Patreon!
31 Oct 2018
#10- Clerks XXX
00:50:34
Alice & Yvette cover the raunchy twist on the cult classic, Clerks, with Manwhore host Billy Procida (@TheBillyProcida). In this, Dana is called in to cover a shift at an adult superstore store on her day off. Her friend Randy helps her pass the time while she has to deal with a slew of sex obsessed customers.
Alice and Natalia are joined by phone sex operator Amberly Rothfield (@AmberlyPSO) and dish on how she's able to make 10 GRAND a month as a phone hoe. Learn how she handles different fetishes, uses props for sound effects, ASMR, and why someone needs to hire Natalia for their marketing department.
We're stepping up our game with the Foot Fetish Queen of New York, Becky Berardi (@badassbeckyshow)! Join Yvette and Alice as they explore this specific kink, and the tips and tricks Becky doles out to keep us on our toes. Support us on Patreon!
Alice & Yvette are joined by friend Brandon Ellyson (@GrrArghCast) to review "Buffy the Vampire Slayer XXX". Aside from breaking down the porn, the trio discuss Wayfair conspiracies, Stephen hawking getting lap dances, a terrible non profit idea, and Epstein conspiracy theories.
Alice is joined by guest co-host Allison McKnight (@thatmcknight) and N.S.F.W. sex club owner, Daniel Saynt (@danielsaynt). Sex club info and etiquette , religious repression, sex club themes, and more.
0:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mic the podcast whose sex club rules are exactly the same as Fight Club, and coincidentally also run by Joseph Gordon Levitt with dissociative identity disorder.
0:21 So hot
0:23 actually was really hot. It's a newest club in New York actually. So with me, you guys are probably hearing a familiar voice. That is the voice of my beautiful guest co host, Allison McKnight from our et episode, Alison, how you doing today? I am
0:42 doing that's about as far as I got. But now you said Joseph Gordon Levitt, so I'm doing better.
0:48 Does anyone have any connections to him that we know of? I'd like to be connected to him. Daniel, how about you? Do you have any connections to
0:54 him? Don't reveal any member details. Oh,
1:00 No. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. Guys. I'm your host, Alice Vaughn. And with me You guys are hearing Daniel St. He is. And I have never heard this job title before chief conspirator of ns, Fw the new society for wellness, new society
1:19 for wellness. It's really good when you can make up your own title. It's really it's really helpful. You can have some fun with
1:24 what are the other options?
1:27 I don't think there are any, there really were any other ones. I mean, this felt like such an underground thing from the beginning. So conspirator just made sense. And before I was like, kind of open and public about doing this, that was what was used in press. So it certainly felt right.
1:41 It feels like you should have a more significant role in some sort of elaborate, I don't know, international scheme.
1:48 Yeah, that's literally what we're trying to do.
1:51 Very public about it.
1:54 Yeah, change sex perceptions around the world. Why not?
1:56 So yeah, so you run a sex club and we've actually never had Sex club owner on this show before.
2:03 For some of our listeners, you want to give a quick definition of a sex club, like a rundown description, something to kind of give them context.
2:10 Yeah. So I mean, I think a lot of people think of sex club as a place where you go to have sex, that's a big part of it for us, we kind of do a lot more around the space. So not only we hosting events where sex is allowed, and sex is okay to have we do education around sex. So we teach about BDSM to Tantra, we teach about touch relationships, how to be in open relationships, how to ask for sex, so we're constantly covering different subjects in the world of sex. So it's a sex club, in the sense of, it's all about sex, but it's more different from what people would traditionally think of when they think of a sex club and the audience that we attract. And the people that are here is very, very different from any other sex club that exist around the world. So it's kind of unique in that way. We like to call it a love club, because there's more focused on that than anything else.
2:57 How did you even get into this industry? I'm curious. Yes,
3:01 well, my background is actually in fashion. I started off as a fashion blogger then became really popular, took over for marketing for a big handbag line, which did very, very well and maybe a little bit famous in that space. And then started an agency where I was representing digital influencers, and then bought a magazine called nylon and then realize I hated fashion and consumerism and trying to get people to buy things that didn't actually make them happy. And I wanted to apply my skills to something that could make people happy. So I decided to focus on sex and cannabis. But that's just one of the reasons why I started as a W. It's like it's very, there's so many factors into it. Like around the time I was coming out as bisexual, I wanted to be more open with my sexuality and talk about it. I felt like there wasn't really anyone out there who's male bisexual who's like, you know, presenting and being open and honest about it. So that was a big factor. I just got through a divorce, which was very, very difficult, very connected to my bisexuality, which was unfortunate, but I kind of felt a need to, I don't know, bring people together and teach them about sex and like make it less scary. Make less time Boo, make it a community make it a place where you know that people are coming, you know, they're behaving a certain way and you know that it's safe. So yeah, and so Toby kind of sparked from all that. I had a very religious background, which helped with it because you just kind of realize how kind of backward some of that stuff is and how detrimental shame is for people in general and teaching them to live more shamelessly teaching them to be more proud about who they are and more comfortable with their sexuality is a very key element of, I guess, the programming that we try to instill in our members and try to teach them that it's okay to be sexual.
4:33 That's awesome. So we went from fashion to influencers to sex clubs, I mean, trying to feel like I feel like that's not even a hard jump.
4:42 I mean, it really was, I don't know I had done it like secretly for like two years just testing it out, testing out all the classes and events and things I want to create, and just building the community initially from like my friend group and people I knew. So we have a lot of people who are kind of in the fashion industry or models or you know, in those Kind of media driven industries, which was nice. It's what a lot of us get so much of the press that we got. So we've been very fortunate to build a really cool community, a very interesting community, very influential community. And now we're kind of taking that forward and pushing more into politics and pushing more into how we change the law and how we change the way people approach sex. Yeah, that's kind of the most of it. I mean, there's so much stuff going on here. Like it's really, it's a little insane where the company is right now. And what we've built is, it's just very interesting. It's like, I've hosted over a 500 play parties. I've seen so many people having sex, and so we will share their sex lives and so many people share the things that, you know, could they kind of discover the gain from it, and it's just encouraging. Like, I feel like we'll have these all around the world at some point.
5:45 You mentioned that yours is different than other sex clubs. I'll be frank, I've never visited a sex club. So I don't know that different types. Allison, do you have more experience here?
5:54 I do have more experience. Yes, but they're all different. So that's why I am Tim because like when I mentioned sex clubs to friends, they're like, what happens at sex clubs? Are they make some stupid joke and they're all different and who's running them changes Exactly. And what their focus is what their rules are.
6:13 Yeah, I think before I started NSFW, probably around the age of 16, I started going to sex clubs and just seeing what was out there. You know, being bisexual, go to gay clubs, go to St spaces, kind of really getting a feel for what was available. And I travel the world a lot. So I went to a lot of international spaces. And I kind of just came up to this realization that a lot of the sex that's available for men is just not available for women. And a lot of the spaces that exists, we're just not safe. It was a lot of consent violations. I've been sexually assaulted multiple times, raped multiple times. And it just became something where it didn't feel like that was the place that people would discover sexuality. That's not the place where people are going to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality or enjoying it or trying new things. So it kinda was just seeing like, there wasn't a place in the market space that really catered to women specifically, but also cater to those who want to exist in a space where consent is respected. And enthusiastic consent is practice. And before anyone touches you, they ask and a woman can come solo and walk around naked and not feel harassed, you know. So it was going through those experiences negatively positively seeing what I enjoyed seeing what I liked, and picking and choosing things that made sense. And then, over the past five years of building this really setting the model for how people should engage in group sex, how people should engage in these activities. And in doing so, you know, over 2000 members, we get about 600 people applying each month. It's been rapidly growing. We're looking at multiple cities now, including LA, London, Paris, and Israel. With just opportunities to open up and build this there. We're building out our franchise model we just did our first round of fundraising. It's crazy. It's hard to describe how much the market needed this and how much they've responded to it.
7:54 How do you select from your applicants and then how do you onboard them to your consent rules? And any other rules you have in place
8:01 also been what's a little curious? What's application process even look like? Yeah, I've never had to apply for a sex club. Is this more? This is more serious than a Tinder profile, I'm guessing.
8:12 Oh, yeah, it's way more serious. And it's in your profile. You know, for most places, it's really anyone can go. So there's not really an application process. The people that you're around can be just random people. There's a lot of like smaller private play groups that have a curated group, but it's mostly people who are either part of that Burning Man camp or like kind of just swingers who swing with them. For us the application process goes through a lot. We have a group members called the council They are the ones who kind of observed members at the events to see how they're behaving and how they're interacting. beforehand. The Counselor reviews all the membership applications people provide their social media profiles, they provide ultimate fantasies, they provide what they're into. There's over 46 things they can choose from it's you know, men, women, non binary trans like literally everyone's allowed to apply. Enjoy And we have all that representation within our club, which is great. When they give us their ultimate fantasies, it lets us know about what they're trying to accomplish, where they are in their sexual journey. And what they're trying to do, when they give us how they identify, lets us know, like on the scale, in a sense of Kinsey scale, but a little bit more advanced, exactly where they are in the spectrum of sex and how much they're gonna enjoy the experience or how they're going to interact with it. And then they share how they can contribute, which is really great. Because you get lawyers, you get people who are very influential in a lot of things, you get people who have wealth and other things. But you also get artists you get creatives, you get people who are want to add to the process of what we're doing. So we have a better understanding of them. When we look through their social media profiles. The main things we're looking at is based off of a couple points of attraction that we've identified. So physical attraction, that's the obvious one. If someone's physically attractive, that's great. It's you know, it helps if they are not and there's other things that we point to for attraction that includes their career, like what they are doing in their lives. Do they travel a lot? Do they have a large circle of friends? Are they married or single, you know, do They seem like someone who dates a lot that always goes into the process of it. And then artists, creatives, people who are actually doing work that's always a positive. So we look forward to having that
10:09 as well. This is more intense in the last few job interviews. So I'm already envisioning the council wearing robes. Like head to toe like the manners just in the quarters of the club watching people. Yes, yes. Taking notes
10:24 not like that. I mean, it's like it's missing. I'm sorry, it's out It seems like that. It's it's just wording it's marketing jumbo
10:31 asking for references. Yeah, if you
10:32 have a member reference that helps you get in a lot faster, because then we have someone we can go to but like, hey, should this person be here?
10:37 Oh, I was gonna go with my like, second grade art teacher. Oh, yeah.
10:40 If you can provide a reference letter of any previous
10:43 text with your second grade.
10:46 Not in second grade, mind you just ever. As an adult, it's not on my bucket list. But now I'm like, shut up.
10:55 And she looked back to see that virus was.
10:57 Yeah. So what's your acceptance rate? For just, you know, a non connected application just through the website or whatever you're using,
11:05 when we initially started accepting three, it was around 10% of those who applied, we've increased it just because it's getting to be such a much wider base and so many more people are applying. Also, it's like, it's almost like people know, in a sense that they shouldn't apply, you know, so it seems like more people who are applying are within that category of the person we're looking for. It's mainly millennial audience, like our average age is 28. So a lot of people who are older probably won't apply. If they're more involved in like the kink scene or other things they might not apply. Like, there's, it's interesting, because like we're building and initially it was like, hard to determine who made sense to come in. But now because there's so much visibility, it's the people who should be here who are responding and the people who should be here who are coming to us. So I think that's been really, really encouraging to like, have a higher acceptance rate.
11:52 So do you send a letter of rejection?
11:54 Yeah, well, we send a letter of rejection and we make suggestions on other places that they might be able to go on their sexual journey and places that are better fit For them, we try to provide them, you know, resources to find what they're looking for. We don't want to stunt anyone's sexual experience or stunt their sexual journey. So at times, we'll be like, oh, here's suggestions. And we also have done articles on other places to go to and check out and things that are more party focused. But yeah, within NSW because of how the community is, and just knowing who's in the room, like you kind of know who makes sense to have in a sense, like, if you can't have a good conversation with someone, you probably shouldn't sleep with them. And if you're like someone who just looks like someone who you wouldn't want to talk to, it's gonna be harder to see if anyone wants to have sex with you. So this is probably not the best place. I'm
12:36 sorry, Louie ck, you can't be in there.
12:41 Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's another thing. It's like trying to find that type of information. You never know with people, you know.
12:46 So what's your normal like, for all the cold applications you receive? What's the most common reason for you to say now,
12:53 wait two people ever send fake photos or fake applications
12:56 data happens to we noticed that sometimes where it's like, there's only one photo On a social profile and like we can't get additional information, and we don't accept those people, like if we can't get enough information from you, you just get a rejection. And yeah, we make it very clear. Like we're going to need to look through stuff to know a little bit more about you and not just have random strangers here.
13:14 But sorry, going back to Allison's question, what's the most common reason that you would probably reject someone?
13:19 lack of information of them online?
13:21 When you have information? What would be the most common reason? Like if you have a full obligation with everything you need? What's your normal reject? I mean,
13:29 I think it comes down to since there's six different things we're looking at, if like two or three of those things aren't fitting, then it doesn't make sense. So it could be someone who is older, but they are, you know, someone who travels and is more successful or as a part of a creative scene, or it could be someone who is a little bit more overweight, you know, deemed in a sense, like possibly unattractive but there's other factors to them, that make them interesting that make them worth being there that can provide that conversation. The most common one again, is not having enough information on them. Or they're answering questions in a really like weird way where it's like, I want to fuck bitches. You know, like if you're just saying that for your reasons join a sex club, you're probably not going to get in.
14:12 Or, like bitches
14:13 get money.
14:14 Yeah, for being exactly. Or I'd say that's one of the things I mean, if you're avid Trump supporter, probably not.
14:24 I'm sure that it also gets to a point where you're like, they're creative, but not in a way that we want. So they sing they play a musical instrument, but they listed the kazoo.
14:32 Yeah, it's like you start looking through and you're
14:34 typically the funeral kazoo.
14:36 Ooh, a few funeral
14:40 that might work at the bed. Working sick that kazoo. That's the question. Know how many events a month Do you host so we do for a week. So it's about 20 minutes per month. And then we do a lot of like speaker panels type things. On this week we're doing the pro sex rally, or our goal is to introduce a new bill into New York City Congress to protect the rights of the sexually exploited that's what the pro sex. So we are drafting our bill the rally is a way to inform people I don't think a lot of people realize how much discrimination they can experience based off of their sexual experiences. You know, they don't realize that you know, if you are part of a sex club that could be potential for you to not get a raise not get hired not succeed or your job. If you are polyamorous and live in a triad, it might be a reason why you don't get housing reason why you can't find a place to live. If you were former porn star and you're trying to get a new career. It's the reason why you can't get hired. A lot of these stories happen regularly. There's usually lawsuits that are associated with it, but they kind of died down or get settled. But we believe that there should be a law that protects that, you know, just like you have laws protecting LGBTs you should have laws that are protecting kinky people and poly people and you know, people who are comfortable being naked, you know, you shouldn't be discriminated against because, you know, your news Leaked
15:55 makes complete sense. I mean, I feel like everybody has a naked photo of themselves on their phone at one point or another
16:01 90% of millennial women have naked photos on their phone 90% like everyone is taking nudes, everyone is sending nudes. Everyone has this out there, you know, will this impact their careers? If it comes out? will it impact their careers? If it's shared at the office? What type of behavior happens at that point? And what actual protections you have, you have none. People don't have any protection against that type of stuff, which is why companies are allowed to discriminate. And that's what we're trying to raise awareness for right now.
16:26 That's awesome. So Bill is just in the early stages. So you said
16:30 so we have a couple of members who are lawyers who are helping us with the drafting of it some that are associated with Lambda Legal so we're hoping we can get their team on board. The Pro sex rally this week is like our first big announcement of it. We just launched I'm pro sex org, which goes into what we're trying to accomplish. We have some amazing speakers, including Sophie St. Thomas acnezine, Remy Duran, just a lot of people who are writers and journalists and already talking about sex in a big way. We have Christina from guys. We thought we have horrible decisions, Mandy from horrible decisions is coming on. So we're trying to get these voices to To not only talk about what is the status of sex, where are we right now? And what's happening, but also, how do we live shamelessly? How do we get to a point where the shame that's associated with sex is removed from people and they can actually live a life that doesn't feel so shitty all the time, you know, and doesn't feel so judgmental all the time. And every decision you make around sex is not like a constant flow of negative feelings. So, yeah, that's the purpose of it. That's what we're trying to do.
17:26 It's funny because people don't realize how much stigma you know, even in liberal cities that, you know, people involved in sex work, even those that weren't even naked themselves. You know, we have had stories on the show where people moved from LA and being producers, editors, writers to New York, and they can't get jobs, you know, in their respective fields because they wrote or edited porn. Yes. And had to make up resumes. It's ridiculous.
17:53 I mean, I think that's the main issue. I think people view all these things and enjoy all these things, and absorb all Sounds like people watch porn, everyone pretty much watches porn, you know, like you're enjoying it. But when it comes to the performers, when it comes to the people who are associated with the industry, you're treating them like lesser people. It's like you enjoy the benefits while you get to make them suffer. That sounds pretty bad. So yeah, it's just seeing something wrong in the world and feeling like there's a way that we can collectively get something done. And with 2000 members and the types of people we have, we feel like the influence of our community is enough to at least get more people talking about it.
18:27 So you keep mentioning shame. And you mentioned much earlier on that having a religious background has helped you and your work what you're doing now. How has that impacted you? And when you were in this religious background, did you feel shamed about your sexuality? Was there some sort of awakening you went through?
18:42 I would say this definitely an awakening. I was raised Jehovah's Witness. I'm like third generation. So my grandmother was a witness. My mom was Jehovah Witness her whole life and then I was Jehovah Witness from birth. It's a fairly strict religion where you really do follow the doctrines of the Bible, but you also aren't allowed to masturbate. You're not allowed to experience any sort of sexual pleasure until you're ready. married.
19:00 Wait, what? Hold on. I didn't know about the non masturbation thing.
19:03 Oh, yeah, yeah, masturbation is one of the worst things you can do. You're supposed to report anytime you have feelings for masturbation. So you're constantly telling these older men like, Hey, I wanted to masturbate last night. And it's really weird when you're 12. And talking about that. So
19:15 have you done that? Did you have to do that?
19:17 Yeah, I had to do that. Totally. Oh, God. It was it was awful. It was very difficult. I remember like, one of my first sexual experiences was with a friend of mine, Bobby, we were playing like x men toys. And he taught me how to suck and Suck my cock. And it was just like, this whole thing. And it felt very, like whatever, you know, normal ish. And I remember telling my parents about it and having to go through the whole process of going to the elders and talking to them about this experience. And I'm like 14 years old, and they basically rebuke you and then they do an announcement in the congregation that you no longer have privileges and then no one can talk to you. So it's this constant group decision that we're going to make everyone feel as ashamed as possible about their sex and their sexuality. And you know, not even going to the fact that I was bisexual. I'm going to the back that Stuff like that it's just this constant, you're always in a state of shame. And it forces you to connect back to those people and connect to that congregation and feel like that's the only place you can be. Outside of that you don't have birthdays, you don't have any celebrations of holidays, you can't associate with anything that's, you know, religious or political. So you're not, you're not, you know, singing the national anthem at school, you're not allowed to associate with anyone outside the religion because everyone's kind of seen as worldly. So you are stuck with only the people within there who are just very much so self policing, and really self policing in a way that keeps you restricted. And I found that, you know, most of the people who are associated with very hardcore religions live a very restrictive life. They're repressed, you know, there's a oppressiveness to how they live and how they have to act. And I felt that everyone outside of that felt very expressive, like they were able to be free, they were able to share what they wanted. But yeah, when I finally left the religion, it was difficult. You know, it was difficult to kind of go into the World Without any knowledge about sex, like, I forged my mom's signature so I could take sex ed in like Middle School, like I was so desperate for a sort of information.
21:02 Yeah, I have to get anything signed. We just took it from Los Angeles, I guess. They're definitely different. Yeah, I
21:09 had to get it totally forged my mom's signature for to be allowed to take sex out in fifth grade. And it was, it was important. It was like it's the information you need.
21:17 So you're saying you wouldn't recommend being a Jehovah's Witness?
21:21 You wouldn't recommend you know, not touching yourself.
21:24 Yeah, I would not suggest not touching yourself.
21:26 Oh, wait, actually a counterpoint to that. I had a boyfriend way back in the day who was raised very Catholic, and he was not allowed to touch himself. And so he would masturbate by humping a pillow or a sleeping bag. From the time he started masturbating onwards. So his ass was steel.
21:44 Like just perfect. And silver lining silver linings. Yes. Good stuff.
21:50 Speaking of repressed religious shit, Are you guys familiar with what sub segments of ultra Orthodox Judaism do when it comes to underwear? No. Who. So after a woman has her period, she has a certain amount of days, I think it's seven or 10 days where her discharge has to, after that period of time be a certain color and size. And if it's the wrong color in size, so bear in mind during your period, you can't touch the males in the household. So if you have a son, you can't hug him. If you have a husband, you can't touch him. And you can't do it during that period after your period as well by the end, so you have to actually take your panties and send them to a rabbi. And if you can mail them to a rabbi, you could give it to the Rabbi's wife or he has a special mailbox for it. Oh, gosh.
22:43 How big is this mailbox? Like cuz
22:45 there's gonna be a lot of women. There's just
22:48 a rally with a whole bunch of like, just stained discharged. What like, what are they collecting in the underwear? They just give them the underwear.
22:55 What? Yeah, and if it's not the right color or size Or texture or whatever, they have to restart this whole like seven or 10 day waiting period before again, they could touch their sons or husbands, I'm pretty
23:07 sure if we can get those panties, we can launch a site and sell them. I feel like that would be a good way of thinking like
23:12 decoration like hanging from phone poles and stuff back to work.
23:17 How do we find these mailboxes? What to do? If you are an Orthodox Jewish woman somehow listening to the show and mail your panties, email us info to girls and Mike, we want to know, please let us know
23:30 that religion is it's a little nuts sometimes. But I think it does good things to like, I feel like one of the things I definitely took away from you know, being in such a close knit community for so long is that feeling of wanting a community and I think without that, the amount of times that you experience church or anything else, like it's continuous, you're constantly studying, you're constantly learning. So I think for me, it's definitely instilled a desire to learn and to really gain a full knowledge of the things I'm talking about from as many perspectives as possible. I was trained for a very early age to teach people why their religion was wrong, which is not the most difficult thing to teach people, which is very difficult thing to teach people. I mean, like you, you learn about when you're studying, you're setting about, you know, Hinduism and Buddhism and Catholics and everyone else, you're learning about how they think and what they think, and how to use the Bible to convince them otherwise, how to get them away from that thinking and how to change their thinking. So I think I appreciate that, you know, being able to even when I didn't believe in something, convince someone that it was true. And now I have something I actually believe in. So it's much more gratifying when I'm able to convince someone that this is not a bad thing. And sex is not bad and weed is not bad. And all these rules that have been established around it Really do come from a place of shame.
24:42 I'm sorry, but the millennials are injecting the marijuana so how can we ever trust them? Going back to sex clubs, I have questions about Well, a lot of things about you know what goes on in them or how to prep yourself going to one or even the cleanup crew What does that look like? How much do you pay them?
25:02 You get paid really well.
25:05 Paid really well
25:05 what dissolves lube best?
25:09 Having a lot of extra sheets, like you just throw out the sheets. No, I think if you're thinking about attending a club, all the clubs have like different rules, you want to find a club that has a very clearly stated consent policy and a way in which you can report things that are happening that might not make you feel comfortable. You want to make sure you know who the organizers are. For most millennials, you know, they don't really go to sex clubs, you know, it's not like a thing they want to and some of them do go to certain places, but it tends to be a one and done type audience. So go once and never go again. They did the experience, they had a bad experience or you're not the greatest experience. It's not on their bucket list anymore. So they kind of move on from that and you know, go the path of monogamy and stuff like that. I would say that. You want to make sure the place how you're going to save, you want to make sure that you're ready for that. If they have you know, pages on fetlife. If they have pages on other places, look at some of the people who are going It's always suggested to go with someone always try to have someone with you, it's almost impossible for women to go to sex clubs alone. So it's kind of a situation where you know, you do want to have a friend with you.
26:10 Why is that? I was gonna say I haven't had any problem going to sex clubs alone.
26:14 Oh, I'm saying like for some of the just like other places like it might not feel, I don't know and I don't feel safe. If you're going your first time you're going solo, like we always suggest, bring a friend even here we say like, Hey, you know, definitely, we should just bring someone. I'm just so you have someone here and there's someone I know, it's just you never know, in certain situations, I think it depends on the sex level you go to if you have one that's more community focused. If you have one that's a little bit more open about the consent policies. If you have ones that are run by women, which is ideal, you're going to find that a lot of that stuff is covered and you feel safer in those places. But if you're going to have more established clubs that have been around for a while and probably have a different audience, you might not feel as safe. So it's really about just researching the club and getting to know who might be there and some of the people you don't want to be Just go so low and just not really have that connection. We have a whole private community so members can connect to each other beforehand, a seeking section where they can say like, Hey, I'm going for my first time as anyone else going, and they start connecting before talking to each other and then getting to know each other even before they set foot inside the club, which helps alleviate some of that stress. Dress Code wise, we always suggest three layers. So there's the alpha that you come in, that eventually comes off. We always suggest robes, have something that you can cover yourself with. Keep track of your underwear, make sure you have a place where you're leaving stuff and you can go back to it because it gets really kind of crazy when we have to return stuff. And we're like, I don't know if it's
27:37 under where it is anywhere as you never know. Do you have a coat check for underwear?
27:41 No, just have a general coat check. Do you
27:43 have lockers set up as I've been to clubs with lockers
27:46 we don't have locker setup but we do have shelving and we do have like places where people can leave their stuff. We might eventually go through have lockers because like the where we have the check in and people leave this up. There is always someone there we have on nymphs basically these women And men dressed in white, who are there to protect the space. So they do door check and they do the bar, they kind of make sure everyone's good. If anyone ever has a problem, you can go to an infant ask them for help, but they also like watch the bags and stuff like that. So people aren't worried about losing stuff.
28:16 You mentioned three layers. So I assume three is like code for you know, it's like Alright, so you got your outer you've got your normal and maybe like launch, right? What about like, if you piled on clothing as if you were trying to sneak clothes through an airport?
28:29 That's totally fine. Do that. Yeah, just like keep
28:31 your seven t shirt off.
28:33 Yes, like slowly. It's like a very long striptease as you're just pulling your hair out.
28:38 We'll get there eventually.
28:42 Like before close it's like you're finally naked.
28:44 took seven hours. Can you walk us through what it would be like for someone you just accepted a first time sex club first time member, their first experience like they have a particular night you'd recommend they come on like will they be guided through or they just kind of kicked it of this pond and being like cool have fun swimming.
29:02 Nope totally kicked in. Now we do an event called send noobs send news is dedicated to all newbies. I teach a class in that called How to ask for sex, which is focused on teaching members enthusiastic consent. We also have a code of conduct, which goes into how we all should behave NSFW and what we're expecting from each other while we're here. The how to ask for sex class is, first of all focus on like, why it's so difficult for us ask for sex, why we're so afraid to vocalize the things we want sexually covering everything from rejection to the lack of consent culture and porn to religious upbringing and fear of like the feelings that we have. And then it goes into how to practice enthusiastic consent and how to make it sexy and how to make it interesting. And then members have an opportunity to share some of their sex stories. They have an opportunity to try out what we're teaching and start asking people for simpler things like you know, massage your hand or touch or things like that. And that kind of leads people into having more of those conversations during sexual activities. The other thing is like we do talk about consent culture. lot at NSFW. So the house rules are respect hydrate, don't be a creeper. hydrate is an obvious one, you know, keep your mind sane and keep yourself aware. Like Don't be overly intoxicated Don't be, you know risks anyone who's at the club house respect is all about consent and understanding the respect of others of understanding people's privacy, you know, not kind of being someone who's revealing anyone in any way. And then don't be a creeper. Any creeper activities that would make someone uncomfortable is what that falls under. After each event, we send out a creeper report. So we allow members to report anyone that made them feel uncomfortable during the event. And then we respond and for every type of report, we have a certain response that needs to be had. So from the more serious stuff which is complete expulsion, and you know, anything we have to do with police or anyone else like that, like really supporting anyone who experiences that which hasn't happened. Thank god to like some of the lighter stuff where it's like, oh, this woman touched me without asking and like Grab my boob, you know, it's like the most recent ones that we've had a lot of women on women type stuff where women feel very comfortable touching someone without asking and not really seeing that, you know, you have to ask everyone just because you're the same gender doesn't mean it's okay for you to touch someone and disrespect their autonomy. So, yeah, it's a big range of stuff. We've had like smaller things where it's like, this person found me on Instagram. It's like, okay, like,
like, I don't know. Yeah, we try our best.
31:28 You mentioned for people to stay hydrated Do you offer water bottles or have a snack machine actually do great as far as snacks if I bring a snack Do I have to bring enough for everyone?
31:42 For haystacks? I mean, we have. We have some snacks and foods available here like there's usually either fruit or some little bites and things. We have tons of water available. We try to keep everyone hydrated tons of like mixers and stuff like that. Wait,
31:54 what is orgy food is crunchy
31:57 food, like bites like bites is a rover or jif I mean, I've been to orgies where someone's mom made rigatoni like it was like a really weird one like there's just like they had a whole buffet. I was just like watching all these people who like I probably wouldn't want to have sex with just eating from the buffet and like kind of going through and I'm just like this is this is not sexy wises athlete. It's a different type of environment. I think I but yeah, no cheeses, no garlic. Oh, wait, nothing that makes your breath smell bad. No onions. Like keep away from things like that. You want to have smaller bite type foods. Trader Joe's has a whole bunch of options for stuff like that if you're doing something at home and trying to host your own, but yeah, stay away from anything that would affect someone's breath. For fruit juices go things like pineapple, fresh berries and fruits even like whole slices of pineapple are great because those who just help and enhance the experience also affects the taste of your vaginal fluids and terminal fluids, which is nice.
32:51 Yeah, that's about it. So I'm hearing don't bring pineapple on pizza to an orgy or do
32:56 not not you can bring the pineapple leave the pizza.
Sara from dairy no dairy caught my cause gas like you never know I don't know you have to like be very aware I would stay away from cheeses we stay away from garlic we stay away from onions we stay away from anything that will have that impact chilies are good though like things that are natural projects are good
33:14 don't bring the cancer like refried beans
33:18 leave those at home once I had a lovely foursome with these three guys and beforehand I was really tired and I drank a coffee and a mountain dew bad idea. Don't do that.
I learned yes really late and I had to drive was
fine. It wasn't fine. It was not fine. It was definitely not fine.
33:42 Coffee and Mountain Dew so I assumed separate not together.
33:46 No it was like I had a coffee before I drove down and then halfway down I had stopped for gas and I was like I'll just get a mountain dew cuz I'm so tired and then it was just like this is horrible. This is the worst. I had a great night anyhow, but it was definitely not the best Food choice and then I called one of my exes and I was like, why did this happen? And he was like, cuz you're an idiot. And I was like, Okay, that makes sense.
34:08 I feel like eventually I should come out with a listicle of appropriate orgy foods. So pigs in a blanket. Yay, nay. Okay, so those are a pass. Yeah, you
34:17 can you can do I think the list is a great idea. People need to know people need to know they don't think about these things. They're like, Oh, we're gonna host an orgy at our house. Let's like do this and then everyone's bloated and they made too big of a meal and no one's a fuck yeah, you have to be very aware like you want to give them enough energy to get through the night and a couple hours but not too much energy, whether authority sick and tired.
34:36 And you also want to keep track of like finger food, the sugar Enos the oil of it, are you gonna have to wash your hands? Are you going to give someone a yeast infection if you are if you don't do it fully, like I prefer, like things you can get on toothpicks. That's great. So you just pick it out. You don't have to touch the food or one bite, you're done.
34:54 I do eventually want to do a cooking book or more of like a hosting book, like how to host a sex party. And I'd be like, you know, hosting For threesomes, foursomes and more Sims and it just be like, how to set up your home how to like do all the things that you want to create is a great title kind of like the guide to like hosting your own sex parties. Because it just there is a lot you learn within this phase but especially with this type of thing, like more people are interested in it. People ask me all the time, like, Oh, I want to host my own even members are regularly like hosting their own things. So yeah, I feel a guidebook would be really great.
35:24 How about BYOD bring your own toys that a thing that's encouraged.
35:27 Yeah, that's encouraged. That's definitely a thing. I mean, we have some, like, impact toys that are available because they're not insertion toys. So it's like, easy to have them here. But yeah, always bring your own toys. And I would say the one thing that we get asked for the most is like pegging devices, like everyone wants to peg or like every woman Oh, not everyone, but like a lot of women want to like have the strap ons and like run around the house and like play with other women. So bring your own pegging devices.
35:52 Okay, so I know that you know, you can't divulge stuff that happens within your club, obviously, but you know, you Have a history now of going to sex clubs and you know you to Allison, what are some of the craziest or most interesting or fascinating things that you guys have ever seen? I don't know or experience I've heard about a clown sex orgy at this point. So
36:12 yeah, there's definitely a context for it. I mean, I think it's a it's interesting like i've you know, had women who like walk in they're specifically looking for gangbanger like I'm here to have a gangbang. And it's like, okay, and you just like kind of see them, like just really approaching people and be like, you, you you and just like going for that type of thing. That sounds so nice. I went to another party where this guy was getting fisted by his girlfriend and she was like, had gloves on was missing him and he was holding a little mirror with his feet, so you can see it. So he was like, kind of positioning itself and like looking at what she's doing.
Yeah, it was it seemed very dangerous.
36:49 Wasn't there someone around who could hold it for him?
36:51 Right, you know, but they were like on the bed doing their thing.
36:54 This is why friends help.
36:56 It's like, hey, can someone hold this mirror while I get tested? That was interesting. When I do a big birthday party called All Saints Day. It's a sack religious celebration where everyone is required to dress religiously. So you get to see things like, you know, Rabbi, you know, fucking someone in a job, you get to see lots of Catholic people getting together and fucking you get to see like everyone in costume kind of, you know, living out a lot of good press feelings and being okay with it. So that one's always interesting. And we hope that you know, once a year, it's about 300 400 people. And yeah, it's just like a big birthday celebration, but also like this big massive performance type thing. So I think there I've definitely seen some of the most interesting things because everyone's in costume and you're like, Okay, this is crazy. But you have someone like dresses a Buddha like giving head to, you know, some dude in a Mormon outfit.
37:48 Of course, someone there is like, No, I have to represent all religions. So they put on a call lander on their top of the head, as opposed to farion
37:56 Yeah, I mean, we have, there's like witches as people dressed. Like Jedi eyes. It's an Jedi is an actual religion. So that's fine. Is it? Yeah, it's a tax free organization. You can be an official Jedi and believe in middle kondia and like the whole Jedi practice, and it's a tax free organization.
38:14 I've met the guy who runs the church of bacon. Yeah.
38:18 So I don't believe it's tax free. I think I was more of like, are you see nonprofit? I think
38:22 it might be a non profit. I know you could definitely get ordained as a minister to marry people.
38:27 Yeah, there's
38:28 there's also dude ism. That's a new one that came out. Yes. Off the dude from The Big Lebowski. God, I hate that movie. Yeah.
38:37 Hey, the porn parody of it was fantastic.
38:40 I hope it was better than the movie. Actually. Yes.
38:43 That's what I figured. Let's see what other crazy churches are there. I'm looking for church of cannabis. That's another one that's out there. There's that one evangelical church that believes everyone should they get married to the AK 47 are there the assault rifles, that's one and there's also one that does Let's look it up. There's someone actually dressed up like that for the last All Saints say they like wear these sashes and they take photos with their rifles and it's like a whole church like blessing because they brought their rifles to church. I think it's really I don't want to
39:13 have a pin that says NRA on it.
39:17 There's a lot of crazy religious things out there that just get away with a lot of bad things for the most part,
39:25 then Tom Cruise strolls in because he has to rep Scientology,
39:29 Tom Cruise's that the orgy
39:31 that's a downer. And then we've got like Eyes Wide Shut happening, and it's so bad times for everyone.
39:37 So as far as the themes, I love the concept of themed orgies. And I was trying to think to myself, if I had an orgy, how would I want to themed and I don't know, I mean, I tried coming up with some but I don't know if I could ever run them by me. Maybe Daniel, you can like for example, you can have a group of people having sex in an elevator called the up and coming club. That's hard.
40:01 They only get the amount of time they have to go up and down the elevator to get their stuff go
40:05 and help her in a tall building or a very short one depending on their company.
40:10 Let's see what the Empire State buildings up to if we can rent the elevator for a night.
40:13 I'm sure you could probably do like even a Model UN themed one where you have sex from people from every different country.
40:18 I feel we're already doing that we have really good representation of people. Like it's really not everyone's
40:23 from Djibouti and Bhutan. I don't understand.
40:25 You and base one will be fun. Like we just need one for each country. The first person who rsvps for Russia gets it and the first person RSVP is for this country gets in and like just keep going down the list.
40:37 That'd be really cool. That would
40:39 be really interesting is like if you're stealing, like we're getting maybe make make that happen.
40:45 Oh, you need to do one that's all breakfast themed.
40:48 We do that Saturday morning cartoons. Oh,
40:50 it's a missed opportunity to call it The Breakfast Club.
40:52 That's good too. We used to do one where it's more of like a after hours thing. So it was like Sunday morning and we'd play like Saturday morning cartoons. And have like a whole thing of like cereal of like multiple, like every single you can imagine and like all this breakfast stuff and it would just be like chill and fuck and watch cartoons.
We don't do that anymore
41:14 Have you guys seen by the way like the Kellogg's space in Union Square?
41:18 Yeah What is I don't
41:20 know. So Kellogg's cereal company rents out this massive space which you know i would love if you could just rent it out for an orgy because it would be perfect if you continue doing those specifically themed cereal and you know cartoon ones if you ever wanted I know but I'm just saying if you want work because they have like a huge two cans, Sam in the background. They already have all the cereals there. They even have these chairs that are swings so sex swings are already
41:48 there. That's perfect. I mean, yeah, we'll contact Kellogg's I think they've you make this work.
41:53 What else are they doing?
41:56 Some cross promotion
41:57 market to the next generation.
41:59 You Do you want to get those millennials back? Remind them that they can eat cereal after sex?
42:04 What else is Count chocula? Therefore a little sucky.
42:08 Not so bad,
42:10 like, blueberry balls.
42:14 I know like it's not gonna get any better. No, no.
42:18 I like I still want to know like this moment or set of moments that made you realize that what was happening within your family's religion was not for you, and how you got over that and how long that took? I think it was Jurassic Park.
42:33 Like once I saw Jurassic Park and realize that evolution is probably real, it kind of made everything else fall apart. For a long time I was taught that dinosaur bones and other evidence of prehistoric life was just the devil putting things in the world to confuse us and to get us away from God. But after seeing Jurassic Park, I mean, I saw that T Rex, I think was real.
It was all downhill from there. Really.
pretty great. I love it dinosaurs doesn't really work with a hyper Christian religion.
43:06 Have you considered ever doing a dinosaur themed sex party?
43:11 See, this is Alice This is what I'm talking about Jurassic World triple X has been out now for like a month and a half and I was like, should we watch it? Or are we watching a porn and you were like, no, but we could have watched Jurassic World triple x for this.
Yeah, and they're in full dyno costume.
When I asked you if we were watching anything that sounds like
43:32 is there a peg us or acid? Because I haven't watched it because you were like, We don't need a porn for this one. Okay, fine. Then we'll find someone to review Jurassic Park themed porn because I need to know if there's a mega sore ass and it's I Oh, that's my favorite dinosaur.
43:51 Perfect, perfect.
43:53 A double directs.
43:54 You should really just pull up a screen grab from Jurassic World triple x, just like your company. Pull it up just look
44:01 okay Jurassic World parody Okay, that asks What if the dinosaurs were porn stars? Oh no. Look I'm only interested if there's a tricera Coxon.
44:15 Just get like a paleontologist and have them watch it
44:18 when we could just talk about it. This is amazing if you
44:21 are a paleontologist and want to review dinosaur porn With us to discuss how accurate or inaccurate it is info to here also Mike calm Alternatively if you know a paleontologist and you don't like them very much, email us or contact information. Oh and if you happen to know Jeff Goldblum or you are Jeff goldbloom we want to review this porn with you so email us info to my talk comm I would be okay to who knows Jeff gold blooms assistant Jeff gold blooms assistant if you are in Daniel st sex club.
44:54 We put this all out to you. We need you
to watch Alexa, tell us
45:01 that'd be great. Jeff Goldblum reviews Jurassic World triple except for your quality stuff.
45:05 You know, he performs in a like a jazz club in LA at least once a month. My friends go get a hit show. Just a couple weeks,
45:13 we'll be talking about the recto Saurus. Yeah, I can't stop. I'm sorry.
45:18 Okay. It's okay. You're helping me sort out my Christmas card problem. So it's this year is like, what do I do with my Christmas card a couple years ago, it was like Santa Claus, but a dick here before that it was the manger scene, but everyone was decks and this year I like I want to paint it, scan it in and then mail it out. But I don't have my full concept yet.
45:39 I'm just now picturing tons of people wearing that classic T rex costume. But with a deck hanging out like an inflatable deck
45:47 or like a real deck or what do we think a real toe?
But would it be attached to the person wearing it or would they have gotten it from something else?
45:56 It could be a cutout? Could it be like one of the bad dragon dildos Yeah,
46:02 you know, it'd be great if we could set up the the AIG one and the one that inserts the AIG but have it become like an automatic thing and you could run around in that shooting those jello eggs at people and just reloading from inside the dinosaur costume. That would be a great Easter thing for you to do Daniel, like put the egg toss but that
46:21 I think dinosaurs for Easter Make sense? Like it actually works 100% sense I used to go to a party that was just for Easter. It was like the bad bunnies club or something else like that. And it's basically you'd go through this obstacle course of things you'd have to do so one was like they'd paint your butt with easter eggs. One was like this really badass like Easter Bunny Dom who would like put you through things and like basically bunny training, you go through bunny training with like a tail on your back. And they put you in cages initially and like load you up and they're like, come up bunnies and like you go around through all these activities. It's pretty fun. You have to get all six stamps of all the activities that they do
46:59 you know I feel like easter egg hunts are kind of a newer thing that only happened like the last 1520 years I don't know or maybe I just never did it was during it when I was little. Okay, I never did it. Where'd you grow up though? New Jersey. There you go seems like a place I'm happy sir x.
47:13 No New Jersey does not get fun things.
47:18 No, we get Italian. Yeah, exactly. That's what I meant.
47:22 Sort of finding eggs. It was always finding pizza. I never understood it. It's very weird. So Daniel, where can our listeners find you find more of you or your sex club?
47:32 It's NSFW calm. That's the main site for everything. Pro sex is I'm pro sex work which is the bigger initiative that we have and that we're pushing forward now. And then I'm just Daniel st on everything I say ymt.
47:47 And Alison, thank you for joining us our guest host today. where can our listeners find you under their bed? drooling,
47:54 really erotic drooling under their bed when I'm not there, you Find me at that. mcknight.com that's midnight with ck not just to see and on Twitter occasionally also at that McKnight Well, I hope to find you under my bed drooling. Looking at you.
48:13 It's an open invitation. Oh,
48:15 is there room under there? How much room
48:19 many other people are under their hours?
48:22 What is going on? It's always Jeff Goldblum and Richard Edinburg. And what about Joseph Gordon Levitt? Fair enough? I'm under that bed.
48:31 Five minutes.
48:33 Sam Neil can be pushed to the side. No, no, I was just I just watched in the mouth of madness. He's got to stay right there.
48:39 Gonna be like one of the better afternoons
48:42 and you guys can find me Alice at rational blonde on Twitter. But you guys can always find us next week. By the way, leave us a comment or review on Twitter, iTunes, wherever you guys are listening to this and tell all your friends because you're not they need this information.
49:00 true friends, these are fuck tell them.
49:03 Quick, quick edition Daniel, where can people apply to join? NSFW
49:09 just for the website? It's like ns dash f w calm for slash join. And you can also like review. We have a bunch of our reviews and you know, people's stories and stuff I haven't shared and just like an understanding of like how big it is, in a sense, like it gets you through, and then the applications are right there.
49:25 Okay. And if you are someone who reviews his sex club, please review mostly the themes. That's what I want to know. I'm holding you up to the United Nations theme though.
49:35 I mean, I've been really thinking about the dinosaur thing for Easter. That's hilarious. Like that
49:40 would be really cool. And what's great is I think they give you an egg mold, which means you can get some plastic mosquitoes and do half the mold put the plastic mosquito and and do the other half the mold. That's pretty cool.
49:52 It's like, it's just like,
49:53 Yeah, but it's eggs and you just go around, you could fire I don't know. I love event planning. This is the thing. I do. That would be amazing.
50:02 If you're an event planner who needs a career change event plans, sex clubs, and
50:08 that's so hard. All right.
50:10 Well, guys, thanks for joining us this week. Thank you so much. Thank you. All right. Bye bye
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
20 May 2021
#136- Catfishes, Cathy, & Cops
01:15:16
WE'RE FUCKING CELEBRATING BECAUSE WE MADE IT INTO HUSTLER! Kate & Alice are joined by writer Cathy Reisenwitz (CathyReisenwitz) to talk about Kate trying to get trafficked, prison tiktok, decrim vs legalization, police arresting sex workers, "ethical porn", SAFE TECH Act, Nicholas Kristof is the worst, and zoning.
In a spin on the Kubrick classic, Alexandra and her "Droogs" embark on "a little of the old ultrasex." After being apprehended, she submits to a behavior modification technique to earn her freedom where she'll abhor the thought or action of sex. Alice and Yvette are joined by comedian, Ian Harris (@comediocre), to break down this unusual twist on the classic.
Where there's a willy, there's a way! Alice is joined by past guest & co-host Silvia Saige (@silviasaigexxx) and bestselling author Josh Sabarra (@JoshSabarra) to review the modernized gay porn parody remake of the 1980's classic, "9 to 5". Support us on Patreon!
Alice Vaughn 0:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mic Where were the porn version of Rotten Tomatoes but instead of tomatoes it's just a dick whether or not it's flat direct either coast, Alice Vaughn, and with me, I have actually a guest co host, Silvia sage. Hey, Sylvia, how you doing today? I'm fantastic. How are you? I am so good. And for listeners of the show. You guys might remember Sylvia from one of our earlier episodes, Pulp Fiction. Yes, we had such a good time and I know some of you are asking where's the fat? Well, Yvette is actually on medical leave for the fall. So we are bringing back some of your favorite past guests, co hosts and their friends. And we have a friend today. We have Josh Sahara. Wait, am I pronouncing your name?
Josh Sabarra 0:56 Who are you got it right on the first try.
Alice Vaughn 0:58 Yes. men say the same thing to me in bed.
Josh Sabarra 1:04 And here's Silvia is the professional. Yeah. Do you have such a good track record? Oh,
Alice Vaughn 1:09 wait, are we still talking about the podcast or in bed?
Josh Sabarra 1:13 I'll leave that up to the listeners.
Alice Vaughn 1:15 People are already looking for like the Yelp of like porn and sex. Right.
Silvia Saige 1:20 What is Alice's score? I wish I had a Yelp review of sex. I'd love to read it. Oh my god. Would we
Unknown Speaker 1:26 actually want that? I would. Yeah, I heard that one.
Josh Sabarra 1:29 I mean, isn't that what Twitter is? anyway? Really?
Silvia Saige 1:33 Kinda.
Alice Vaughn 1:35 I mean, yeah, I guess for one night stance. You know what, as long as it could be anonymous, because I feel like I would definitely be able to get better anonymous scores. Yeah, anonymous is the best way to go.
Josh Sabarra 1:45 Yeah. But what would the intent be of this website with this these to improve people's sexual performance? Or would it be to because you know, people are going to use it as a way to, you know, a punitive way to treat their acts like
Silvia Saige 1:58 I say, improve sexual performance. Because it's really hard to tell somebody to their face what they've done wrong, but it's really easy to tell your friend what they did wrong. So how easy would it be to tell the Yelp of sexuality what they did wrong? And then they could go read it and be like, Ah, this whole time, I thought I was doing that right. And you're like, Oh, you're so wrong.
Alice Vaughn 2:16 I thought I like they liked it when I gave t.
Silvia Saige 2:20 This whole time. everybody's like, Oh, it's too much. Stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Yeah, that's what I do when I don't like it. I'm like, Oh, it's too much stuff. Stop, stop.
Josh Sabarra 2:29 It's just too much pleasure for you to handle.
Silvia Saige 2:32 How much pleasure Yeah, you're killing me.
Alice Vaughn 2:36 But no, seriously, you're choking me too hard. I think you are killing. He almost broke my hyoid bone. Five stars felt like Cheryl marcher. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 2:46 Five stars.
Alice Vaughn 2:48 Five stars. So, Josh, you wrote a book also called porn again? Yeah. Okay. I'm really embarrassed. You sent me a copy and I haven't opened it. Oh my
Silvia Saige 2:58 god. It's so good. You have to Read it Alice. It's like, in a day. It's addicting.
Josh Sabarra 3:03 I mean, it doesn't come with a better cover quote than that. Yeah. Definitely asking Sylvia for a blurb for my third book. You got it.
Alice Vaughn 3:12 Okay, so you have enemies closer, which is your latest right?
Josh Sabarra 3:16 enemies closer. Yes. Which is a Hollywood bitchy fiction, Jackie Collins style type book. Yeah, I wanted to be, you know, sort of a contemporary take on those books that were very popular in the 80s. Things like Judith Krantz, I'll take Manhattan or Iris Rainer Dart the boys in the mail room, sort of a contemporary throwback, if that makes sense. And that came after porn again.
Alice Vaughn 3:41 What's porn again about for our audience.
Josh Sabarra 3:43 I tell people it's basically coming of age memoir about coming. So it's about coming into yourself coming out. You know, I sort of found my footing late. I was a late bloomer. I was a virgin until I was 31 years old. I've completely made up for lost time. You know, I was somebody who made my career my focus made everything around me my focus instead of my personal life and when I finally realized what I was sacrificing and and not even living my truth, and that's sort of what the books about and sort of coming to a place where I'm comfortable with myself and having to let go of the things that were keeping me from being myself and there there are a lot of factors It was my personal life, the kinds of friends I was choosing my career plastic surgery, my looks like everything that I was using to fill myself up other than the things that I should have been. I mean, that means different things to different people, but I was not making the right choices for myself.
Silvia Saige 4:37 I don't think any of us made the right choices for ourselves. Especially in our teens, and
Josh Sabarra 4:42 I guess we know after
Unknown Speaker 4:46 Oh, in hindsight, I fucked up my 20s Yeah,
Silvia Saige 4:48 I feel like the 20s are for fucking up and then your 30s or for fixing the things you fucked up in your 20s and then in your 40s you can finally enjoy it.
Josh Sabarra 4:56 Right. My problem is though is that I know had that period of time that 16 to 25 where people are making some of these choices, right? Because I started so late, so I sort of had a delayed adolescence. So I was behaving like I was 18 when I was 35. Right. So that's sort of part of the theme of the book. Yeah. How it's never too late to sort of step into your own skin.
Alice Vaughn 5:21 Oh, yes. I can't wait to read it. I hope
Unknown Speaker 5:25 you will.
Alice Vaughn 5:26 And I will link it in the show notes. So our audience can also read it right. So that's it. How did you meet Sylvia? It seems like you know, a lot of people in porn, and I know a lot of people in porn, but why do you know people in porn?
Josh Sabarra 5:38 Well, it's interesting. The reason that the book is called porn, again, is sort of in the message of the book, so I don't want to ruin it for readers. I did not work in the porn industry. But there is a reason why the book is called that and the role that porn played in my sort of finding myself. Because of that, I wound up doing some radio shows and some podcasts with some great people, one of whom was Jackie St. James, whom we know and love as one of the preeminent directors of adult entertainment. And Jackie had mentioned to me one time we were at dinner, and I think she had just done a movie with Sylvia. She knows I'm very particular about people I keep around me now. She said to me, You really need to meet Silvia sage. And I said, Okay, you know, I'd love to meet her sometime. Maybe I'll come by when you're shooting. Then piers Paris, who's a friend of mine, who we're going to discuss today. He, we know because he did a photo, a promotional photo shoot with me for my book, and he and I became friends. And he and Sylvia are friends. And he and I were having dinner one night, and he said to me, you know, who you would love stage. So now we have the second person who knows me fairly well, who's telling me I need to know her. And then our other mutual friend Sean, who works on some of Jackie's movies and I believe just made his directorial debut that you're in. So yes, he did. Yeah. And he said to me, You Have to meet Silvia stage. So by the time the third person whom you owe interest tells you that you need to have somebody in your life, you need to set about making contact. And I think they know exactly how he texted me and she said, Is it okay if I just give Sylvia your number? And so I said, Of course so Sylvia texted me that day. She's like, Are you free for dinner tonight? And I'm like, it just so happens I am. And Silvia and I had a love affair began.
Silvia Saige 7:24 It's so true. You know, it's funny Alice's people were telling me the same thing, but I needed to meet this man, but I had no idea who he was. I didn't do any research. And I thought they were setting me up on a date. I had no idea that they were setting me up on like this friendship. I was like, oh, everybody keeps telling me I need to meet this guy. Like, I'm going like, let's do.
Josh Sabarra 7:49 Little did she know. Yeah, I wouldn't have it any other way. She had a penis and then I would,
Alice Vaughn 7:56 oh my god, I can't even imagine
Josh Sabarra 7:58 if she had the right anatomy. She's the Absolutely my kinda guy. Oh, thank you darling
Alice Vaughn 8:05 well that is what strap ons are for.
Silvia Saige 8:08 Right?
Josh Sabarra 8:09 I guess we can I guess there's ways to make anything work there's always a way
where there's a will a there's a way right
Unknown Speaker 8:18 man I should make that my new life motto.
Alice Vaughn 8:21 I mean it works for so many instances. Yes work yes. Mm hmm affairs maybe
Josh Sabarra 8:30 I see a T shirt and I see a two girls one Mike t shirt where there's a will there's a way
Alice Vaughn 8:36 you know I will team up on it and it'll become part of our official merchandise so I would love it. So we ended up watching and you recommended this film. And I'm actually so embarrassed to say I never watched the original so nine to five I had neither until last night.
Josh Sabarra 8:53 I know that our that the listeners that cannot see my mouth on the floor. Especially out there. With your sense of humor,
Alice Vaughn 9:01 I'm a terrible person.
Josh Sabarra 9:03 I know I'm older than both of you, but
Alice Vaughn 9:05 I'm always a child on this podcast. Actually, no, I take that back. Now that I'm interviewing some younger porn stars. I'm not always the young one on the show. I
Josh Sabarra 9:14 was actually alive for the theatrical release of nine to five. So that puts anything in perspective.
Alice Vaughn 9:21 And it came out in 1980. And I have to watch it because it has Jane Fonda Dolly Parton, and I didn't realize this, but it's out of the American films Institute's hundred funniest movies. Number 74. I didn't know this.
Josh Sabarra 9:35 It was really I mean, this is one of the things Sylvie and I were discussing last night when we watch we actually watch nine to five before we watch breaking Mr. Hart, which is the adult film we're going to discuss. Yeah, it's interesting how ahead of its time the movie was in terms of equal pay, women in the workplace, all of that is very, very clearly addressed. And that was in you know, obviously the movie came out in 1980, which means that the shot Probably in 79 is my guess. So it was very forward. And we were laughing at how some of not laughing I mean, it's laughing through the tears so to speak, because somebody we're addressing that are so pertinent. Mm hmm. I was
Alice Vaughn 10:13 reading the synopsis on Wikipedia. And you're right, because ultimately, so the premise of nine to five from what it seems like is, I mean, we're all kind of familiar with the trope of the horrible boss and how do we get back at the horrible loss and people team up to you know, enact their revenge but a nine to five, where they essentially end up doing is kind of and correct me if I'm wrong, kidnapping their boss, and then bettering their workplace
Josh Sabarra 10:39 eventually. Yeah, so the famous line from the movie is that he's a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot, and that's the line that they repeat in the movie multiple times.
Alice Vaughn 10:49 Yeah. Are you sure that's just not my ex boyfriend?
Josh Sabarra 10:52 Very well. Big. Maybe you were dating Mr. Hart. Their boss is this horrible man who's extremely upset. Access and he's sort of a walking me to before that movement was even, you know, in the vernacular. So essentially there comes a point where they need to kidnap him. And during that time they make the workplace a better place.
Alice Vaughn 11:14 Yeah. And what's really interesting is at the very end, this I found really interesting how they decided to tie up Mr. Hart's storyline in the original film, which is he does such a great job that he's promoted to I think like Brazil, right where eventually he's kidnapped and never heard from again. So moral of the story is murder is not always wrong. Not you're a racist.
Josh Sabarra 11:40 When you're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot. Anyway, I think that also they, you know, the idea that it showed, you know, what a horrible person he was and that the advancement, but his advancement was on the backs of these women who have done the work to get him to that place, which is really the message that that I think that movie tries to drive
Alice Vaughn 12:00 Yeah, so we ended up watching breaking Mr. Hart and I, I like that they use the main villains name in the title. And so they at least carry that over and they've modernized it essentially. So the film
Silvia Saige 12:11 Yeah, they carried over a few things we were noticing last night there were a lot of nods.
Yeah, original money mainly like characters, character names and things of that nature. But I mean, the premise in general was similar, but I mean, obviously, it's not quite the same because you can't have a play of being the misogynist. They still kind of did play on that, but it's just a different way, I guess.
Alice Vaughn 12:34 But who am I to judge considering on this show? You're now a porn critic, you are to judge so three scenarios that the guys were basically stuck in that they want to enact revenge on Mr. Hart. So the first guy was interesting because Mr. Hurd essentially coerced him into having sex with him But before that, putting on a tight little white Speedo, and of course the tight little white Speedo has to come off Somehow, so they decide to go the creative route and have it essentially explode. Oh my god that is so hard. it lands on a roof. I think we
Josh Sabarra 13:10 need to run this movie back one second because before we even get to the exploding Speedo, the funniest part to me was here we have max Adonis, who is the employee and he comes in he says that he didn't bring anything to swim in. Yeah. So Mr. Hart brings out a pair of speedos, but when max takes his pants off, he's wearing basically boxer briefs. So what he's wearing is basically made for swimming.
Silvia Saige 13:39 You have to take those off, you know, put on nobody takes
Unknown Speaker 13:41 as off lately
Josh Sabarra 13:44 to put on the white Speedo so that when he kneels down, the speedo can explode on him and land on the roof. And there's so much fabric on the roof that you could rock the house
Silvia Saige 13:55 right with 20 times more material.
Alice Vaughn 13:59 Clear there's Probably what 20 exploded speedos on the roof. Two dozen of them. Right? How many ways has Mr. Hart done this? He clearly knows it works. Its power move. Right clearly, but I really appreciated the underwater nudity cam. I don't know about you guys. I did appreciate the enter button
Silvia Saige 14:17 at
Josh Sabarra 14:18 the water was a little murky.
Silvia Saige 14:20 It did need to be cleaned. But yeah,
Josh Sabarra 14:22 yeah, the pool looked like it needed a skimming.
Alice Vaughn 14:26 Where's the pool boy when you need them?
Josh Sabarra 14:28 Yeah, this was that porn movie where the pool was conspicuously absent. And then they start giving each other hand jobs underwater until they finally move to the grass. You know, outside the house, right?
Silvia Saige 14:41 Where we fast forward. Exactly. Well,
Josh Sabarra 14:43 I may have watched it again later. Or maybe
Silvia Saige 14:46 not. I was going to say now you have the link so you can go home but I was like, I don't really need to watch porn with my friend. It's just like, there comes a point where it's the insertion. I'm like, All right, we're moving on moving on.
Josh Sabarra 14:58 And also when you use No these people are you've met these people it is totally defined it is all different thing. Yeah, Paris Paris i think is is such a handsome, gorgeous strapping guy, but because I know him so well, I don't look at him in, in a sexual way at all right, right. So when I see that I find it kind of hard to, to, but we haven't gotten to his scene yet. So anyway, I don't want to ruin the story for everyone else.
Alice Vaughn 15:26 No, but I totally relate because I mean, and Sylvia you get it because you know, you become friends with people in the industry. And you know, having all these people on my show, I get to know them and become friends and we're texting and next thing you know, I see a scene where Tommy pistol in it. And I'm like, I need to see this. I know Tommy, right. And he's texting me like, he's like, Hey, Alice, can I send you like a video of me putting my dick in my butthole and I'm like, Tommy, I don't need to see that.
Silvia Saige 15:55 I love Tommy's work. The thing about Tommy's work is it's never really stuck. That's what's hilarious about it. Tommy is the only guy who does porn who doesn't make it sexy for years, and they'll never quit working. It's hilarious. He's the most comical porn person I've ever met in my entire life.
Josh Sabarra 16:14 But you know what i like Alice, that you mentioned about, you know, having friendships and relationships with people whom you've seen in these movies. And, you know, the idea that these are real people behind these performers. And you know, that's one of the things that I think Silvia works very hard to do, particularly on her podcast, you know, she works very hard to make sure that people are aware of that behind, you know, the sex worker sort of label are some wonderful, fantastic people who have a lot to offer you know, and I love that you just mentioned that that you have relationships with people in the industry because I think it's time for people to reframe their thinking a little bit o
Alice Vaughn 16:57 listeners of this podcast know that you know, porn stars are people you know, just like any other creative just like comedians, artists, musicians, just
Josh Sabarra 17:05 like any other kind of work.
Alice Vaughn 17:07 Yeah, exactly. And people should pay for their porn because I hate what the tube sites have done. I mean, we could go on tangents right now. But getting back to the review,
Josh Sabarra 17:20 yes. breaking your heart. Yes. So have we moved past the max Adonis Dean Phoenix scene?
Alice Vaughn 17:26 Pretty much we're on to the sexual blackmail scene. Okay,
Silvia Saige 17:29 recording. He recorded that and having sex in his home or in their home. I can't remember.
Josh Sabarra 17:34 Well, it looked like Missy Hart. And that was the same name from the original 95 Franklin Hart's wife was named Missy,
Alice Vaughn 17:42 do you think they cast Nina Hartley just because they were like, she has heart in her name?
Josh Sabarra 17:47 Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm sure she's lovely. But I don't think it was because she missed a role. It's Meryl Streep.
Alice Vaughn 17:56 Excuse you but Meryl Streep, you know, she was waiting For that call.
Josh Sabarra 18:01 I know, I know who she really wanted breaking Mr. Hart and I think between Big Little Lies season two, there just wasn't time probably.
Silvia Saige 18:10 I think they probably wanted somebody that was familiar with the movie and kind of could give it a good omnipage because I don't think a lot of younger girls would have even known of the movie, you know. So I think it was the entry
Josh Sabarra 18:24 looks great, by the way, right? I mean, and I joke, I mean, she did a great job. And she definitely tipped her hat or wig or whatever, to Marian Mercer who played that character in nine to five. I thought it was great to sort of see her that way. Yeah, it was fun. And then an actual roll like that is fun. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 18:44 I always love it. When porn stars have non sexual roles just for the fun of picking up acting
Silvia Saige 18:49 ideal time.
Josh Sabarra 18:50 You just want to warn Sylvia you just want to go and get that category.
Silvia Saige 18:55 I just love being on the gay porn sets. They are so much better than being on straight. porn sets and I have so much fun there. So anytime they're like, actually, I'm doing an extra for men calm tomorrow I work as an extra for them like all the time and for dirt change. They pay me nothing and I show up like yay.
Alice Vaughn 19:12 So there's my question which sets us more lube? Oh god straight or gay porn. It's gotta be gay. It's gotta be, is it? I don't know.
Josh Sabarra 19:25 I can't answer that. I think
Silvia Saige 19:27 so. Because at least with us on straight sets, there's a lot of spit. I know there's a lot of spin on gay porn too, but I just feel like because it's all anal over there. It there's just a lot more loose on us gay porn said it's probably always necessary whereas on a porn site, it's not necessary all the time. Fair. Yeah, unless you're me and you haven't dried out Lizzie and then it is always.
Alice Vaughn 19:53 Sometimes you wake up feeling like sandpaper.
Josh Sabarra 19:56 I would not imagine that because whenever I see you, you look so hard to graded.
Silvia Saige 20:00 Oh, thank you. I think I have a home to hydration just stops at my face and then
Josh Sabarra 20:08 like here it just it just hasn't worked its way down.
Silvia Saige 20:12 I know somebody told me other day they're like you need to change your diet. I was like I have like the world helping us diet. I don't know what else I could do. I just think it's age. So age just catches up and just pulls out the moisture from your PC. That's just what
Josh Sabarra 20:29 I can't even speak to that.
Alice Vaughn 20:32 You know, we need to get an aesthetician on the show and be like Look, I know about moisturizing and hydrating the face. What do I do down there? right we do
Josh Sabarra 20:39 you know there is a procedure that's I'm sure they have this in New York. I'm sure it's all over but the the J shell. Have you heard of those stuff? No vaginal facials.
Silvia Saige 20:48 I don't know about this one. My vagina eautiful it doesn't need like dip hopping.
Josh Sabarra 20:53 I can't speak to it because I don't have the anatomy nor the interest but I would say to look that up because I know some people who have gone for it's like I don't know the exact procedure but it basically is like the attention that you get on a facial but in your
Alice Vaughn 21:11 vagina. Wow. So from a quick search, it looks like it's the quote revitalizing 20 minute treatment is meant to be done post bikini wax to aid the removal and prevention of ingrown hairs and acting while smoothing the skin and treating discoloration. So, Silvia is still gonna have a tripod See, I don't have any of that my vaginas, gorgeous outside.
Josh Sabarra 21:32 I think it depends on where you go. Yeah, Alice, I think they offer more extensive services at other places. That sounds like an express magician,
Silvia Saige 21:41 and express.
Alice Vaughn 21:44 Can there be a drive to have a j show?
Josh Sabarra 21:46 Clearly Silvia needs the full 60
Silvia Saige 21:48 right. I need a full dream.
Josh Sabarra 21:50 She wants the mask and everything.
Silvia Saige 21:53 The hydration mask that's
Alice Vaughn 21:57 how do I get the dollar menu facial or vision What's that look like?
Silvia Saige 22:03 No way. All the money on your vagina. There's a new song out right now and it's like talks about like counting the money and he hears that sound He's like, ever since the check came in, like, do you know what I'm talking about? a rap song? Never mind.
Unknown Speaker 22:17 No way our audience might know.
Josh Sabarra 22:20 You know who you're talking to. I mean, I'm listening to share.
Silvia Saige 22:26 You were listening to some vinyl album this morning that when I was like loving Yeah,
Josh Sabarra 22:30 Rita Coolidge all time high, which was the theme song from speaking of vaginas, it was the theme song from Octopussy was the James Bond movie in 1983. Right? We have also not yet well, we can watch that Roger Moore and Ron Adams. I'm totally dating myself, but I'm fine with that.
Silvia Saige 22:51 Doesn't he look like he's in his 20s I love how he says he dates themselves and he still looks like he's fucking 22 year when
Josh Sabarra 22:57 my references are from for both of you are born. combined.
But I have avoided Alice, the vinyl craze. And then it sort of hit me because the nostalgia factor like I started, I'd be in a store and I'd see these records that I had as a kid. And I was seven or eight years old sitting in my room listening. I mean, what seven or eight year old is sitting in their room listening to read a Coolidge all time high. But I was. And so I have gone on this mission to sort of find any of the things I don't still have to find him by the records that I had in the 80s.
Alice Vaughn 23:32 I love it, or the late 70s. Is there a holy grail of records you're still looking for?
Josh Sabarra 23:37 I've found sort of all of it. One of the ones I looked for for a while was the kids from fame, which was a TV show based on the movie fame. And they did an album with kids from fame. Took me a minute, but I haven't now so everything's okay in the world. Your collections complete.
Isn't it neat? Do you think like elections Complete. I have thingamabobs galore.
Silvia Saige 24:03 Don't make me because I'll start singing that song and it will not be good.
Josh Sabarra 24:07 I feel like I got so off track because we were talking about I think it was the blackmail scene with Remy Cruz and goodie box. Um, you also have no right so yeah, I don't know him but you know, I know ramie but I don't know what he
Silvia Saige 24:22 I know what he he's great. He's no longer in pornography, but he's a fantastic human being. I don't think Remy
Unknown Speaker 24:27 is either. Yeah.
Silvia Saige 24:28 And what he's circlet in Las Vegas. So if you had to Las Vegas, you're seeing the search show. There might be your boy. Flexibility comes in handy. Yeah, it does. It was a good hot scene, though. I will say that would have been a scene that like I would watch. It was really hot between the two of them.
Josh Sabarra 24:48 I agree. I mean, there was a little bit of a blackmail scenario and in the original nine to five, but this sort of took it to a different level, right? I mean, that that part of the plotting is totally totally off.
Silvia Saige 25:01 Right? They all needed to have something against Mr. Hart. Like he had, you know,
Josh Sabarra 25:06 yeah, but one thing I should also say is props to dp wells who wrote and directed this movie because he clearly has an affinity for the source material because even the artwork the key art for the movie, it looks exactly like the car from the original nine to five
Silvia Saige 25:25 poster.
Josh Sabarra 25:26 I know right because it when we talk a little later about some of the things that they threw in there are these little inside nods to the movie that somebody had been a mega fan.
Alice Vaughn 25:35 Well, you're gonna have to tell me because I never watched Well, we will tell you. And then we have the third guy and his gripe with Mr. Hart and understandable which is, so he's seduced by Mr. Hart's assistant. And then while blindfolded fucking the assistant, Mr. Hart decides to have a round which is not okay and Technically rape, right, let's call it whatever it is, you know. So yeah, that's a problem but there
Josh Sabarra 26:06 was one there was another one where they did at least make sure that the assistant I think they called him Darrin or Darrell and his assistant. The movie was Dolly Parton. Who was Dora Lee. So they kept the DS, you know,
Alice Vaughn 26:19 good call
Silvia Saige 26:19 didn't even notice that one. That's a good call. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 26:22 no, it was really interesting is that after he is seduced by you know, and has this whole scenario play out with Mr. Hart. He wanders around his house. And so this is where, like, really, he goes to the backyard to like the back of the shed and there's a paper file cabinet that's like barely covered in trash bags. And in it is all of his important documents and of course blackmail, because that's where you keep the important shit in something that's easily going to be destroyed in the next thunderstorm easily
Josh Sabarra 26:57 right in your backyard, under attack.
Silvia Saige 27:00 Barely I cannot say anything to this because like if you were to ever break into my apartment I would be the easiest person to rob because my safe is Carrie able
Josh Sabarra 27:13 I don't even need to unlock it they can just leave with it.
Silvia Saige 27:16 Get away.
Josh Sabarra 27:19 I'm not sure that a portable safe makes any sense.
Silvia Saige 27:23 whatsoever and then I had to tell a friend where it was when I was out of town and they were like this is the worst.
Probably
Josh Sabarra 27:32 it's like there was soda cans or those pet rocks that people hide keys and are they jewelry in the refrigerator? They put like they have a can that looks like RC cola. Just says like our cola. Yeah. People keep in their fridge with jewelry. Yeah, cuz no wouldn't go and look for the first brand.
Silvia Saige 27:52 Yeah, that's me with my important paperwork and cash. So
Josh Sabarra 27:58 yeah, nothing good happens under it. You know,
Alice Vaughn 28:00 maybe Mr. Hart is more relatable than we think.
Silvia Saige 28:04 Yeah.
Josh Sabarra 28:06 Not good at. And also like the kind of business that they're all in is very vague. I did hear something in the first scene where they talked about it being something mutual funds or something other but it was very vague. A nine to five was sort of like that, too. I was gonna
Silvia Saige 28:23 say, I'm not sure what they did nine to five. Yeah,
Josh Sabarra 28:26 right. The company was called consolidated. And it had something to do with the shipping or transport of goods. But it was a little vague as to what the company itself did. And breaking Mr. Hart was going through the same thing. They sort of nailed it now.
Alice Vaughn 28:41 This is so off topic, but I know you mentioned pet rocks before. I mean, maybe they were in that business. I mean, do you guys know how many pet rocks are sold? I know this sounds so silly. No, please don't know. But I know it is
Josh Sabarra 28:53 a huge it's like a big thing right?
Alice Vaughn 28:55 There were 1.5 million pet rock, soul, bucking crazy. I'm sorry, can I say that? I'm sorry? Of course, dude, I want a porn podcast. Okay,
Josh Sabarra 29:04 no Silvia, we're gonna need you to clean up your act for the
Unknown Speaker 29:07 podcast.
Silvia Saige 29:11 I always tell people like I do not do clean comedy. Don't put me in that room. I don't even know when that bombs come out of my mouth. It just
don't put me around your children don't put me in a church and will be
Alice Vaughn 29:24 if people put me around their children, it's their fault. It's I say this day,
Josh Sabarra 29:28 right? I cannot contain this. They need to be accountable.
Silvia Saige 29:32 Right? They had the children not me, not my doing. Look, in my
Alice Vaughn 29:36 defense, you're gonna have to explain this stuff to your children anyway, it's, it's not my fault that they have to learn when it comes sloughed is early on in life. Okay? Yeah.
Silvia Saige 29:46 Yeah, take teach them young. Teach them young.
Josh Sabarra 29:49 That's what I say. But how many people get to learn and then have it in the flesh example right there at the same time. You really, you really are providing a service.
Unknown Speaker 30:00 Mommy wants to come.
Unknown Speaker 30:02 Well honey.
Unknown Speaker 30:06 That's not even wrong.
Silvia Saige 30:08 It's mommy's friend Sylvia and
Alice Vaughn 30:11 imagine like if mommy were to go to a waterpark, but it's all white. Right.
Silvia Saige 30:18 With lots of digs.
Josh Sabarra 30:19 I think that's the good analogy.
Lots of Fountains fountains, I've just pictured lazy river of semen. Oh my god. I feel
like I've been there. A sex themed adult theme park would be great. Right?
Alice Vaughn 30:33 Japan should get on it. Yeah,
Josh Sabarra 30:35 like there could be like, tip of the penis revolving restaurant
up to the top and it goes around. Just think of all the things we could do.
Alice Vaughn 30:46 What would be the teacup ride instead of spinning tea cups? Clearly a bottle?
Josh Sabarra 30:51 Oh, yeah, it would be some kind of it would be called like the rim wheel.
Silvia Saige 30:54 Yeah, get in the rim. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 30:56 yeah. When mommy has to go to the ATM. It's a different kind of ATM. Smell baby asked him out.
Josh Sabarra 31:02 But it would be interesting to have a sex themed theme park when that
Alice Vaughn 31:06 should have been Walt Disney's vision from the beginning he needed to drop the anti semitism. It probably
Silvia Saige 31:11 was Walt Disney's vision and he got obscured i'd feel like well, Disney was a dirty fuck. So,
Dixon, like all of his movies, every single one, you failed us.
Josh Sabarra 31:22 Okay, so wait, so we have the character going and finding his personal information and Mr. Hart's yard under a tar?
Alice Vaughn 31:29 Yeah. And then we find out that apparently once he's confronted by Nina Hartley and decides to just chat with her and have some drinks, she actually owns the company. So Mr. Hart actually married into the job, right and the only reason that they haven't separated is because of the prenup. So
Josh Sabarra 31:49 the prenup that completely works in her favor. Yeah. And that if he ever has an affair, the entire fortune because to her Right, exactly.
So they come up with a plan. She's on the beach in Australia at
some
Alice Vaughn 32:03 Yeah. And she makes the world's fastest flight back from Australia. I totally am Australia that shit is nightmarishly long it is 17 hours no jet lag
Josh Sabarra 32:14 no time difference are we was on point she had gloves she'd read driving she was like dress to kill seven times store clothing
Alice Vaughn 32:24 yeah and they expect this Australian flight to land on time so that way to have the other guys can be seducing and having a pillow fight with Mr. Hart. And then of course she'll end up coming home and walking around early on him breaking his prenup claws and the pillow fight
Josh Sabarra 32:40 was funny because it was so did you see how going through the motions they were with the pillow fight like no feathers flying? It was
a one to the two Yeah, it was staged combat.
Silvia Saige 32:54 plan does not go as it's supposed to obviously because what do men want? Anything they can't have. So when he could have sex with these people when they were bringing it to him, he of course, had wanted nothing to do with it. So what did he have to do when he poisoned him? I can't even remember now was that what happened? Yes, he
Josh Sabarra 33:14 put poison is poison to knockout Mr. Hart. Now if you'll recall in the original nine to five, there is a plotline whereby the Lily Tomlin character accidentally poisons Mr. or thinks she poisons Mr. Hart because instead of using bleach, she uses rat poison and right. And so that was definitely a nod your original
Alice Vaughn 33:37 so I was watching actually the scene where Mr. Hart is clearly knocked out on the couch. And then the two other guys who came in to seduce him just end the fucking next to him. So my friend walks in, and he's like, is that guy dead? He didn't look dead.
Josh Sabarra 33:52 But also, I think we're not giving enough attention to the CGI and special effects for this film. Because you're This sequence you may have noticed that while Mr. Hart is passed out and the other two gentlemen are engaging in sexual activity, they're taking pictures of themselves with the passed out body. And we see screenshots still shots next to the video. Yeah, did I miss this? The whole budget had to have gone to CGI.
Unknown Speaker 34:19 Hey, no. How do you go back and watch this?
Alice Vaughn 34:23 spend it on only the exploding underwear.
Josh Sabarra 34:27 Underwear was this puts that to shame shit.
Silvia Saige 34:30 Yeah, they definitely brought in their highest paid editor and splashed a few photos on the screen next to the sacks so shots. Yeah, yeah.
Josh Sabarra 34:43 supermodel god damn it. It was great. It was great. It was great. And then we find that Mrs. Hart says that her husband has been sent to Brazil. Just like in nine to five
Silvia Saige 34:58 Yeah, she walks in finds him They're done. Let's see it.
Josh Sabarra 35:02 And then you'll notice there's one point where Pierce pulls out a name on a card. I think it's I don't know if it's supposed to be as it gets in his file. And on the card it says that the name is Cole Higgins. And Colin Higgins is the person who wrote and directed the original nine to five
Silvia Saige 35:19 and only you have to take that out.
Alice Vaughn 35:21 Yeah. What a nice nod.
Josh Sabarra 35:22 GP wells who put this together clearly is a fan of the original movie because, I mean, it would take another huge fan, right, isn't it? Yeah. Or I should say, which is I
Alice Vaughn 35:35 didn't notice that. What I found interesting is that they chose to do a CD instead of a hard drive in 2018.
Josh Sabarra 35:43 Maybe that also was a nod. Although I don't think at 1980 they even I mean we didn't have CDs right? I mean, didn't you notice they'll be like a nine to five like even they were had their landline telephones yeah may even had the thing that holds it holds the receiver Hold the receiver up to their ear.
Silvia Saige 36:02 Yeah. And you thought that was like such a cool thing to have. Because I used to have one of those when I worked in corporate America, and I thought it was awesome, because I was on the phone all the time. It was so convenient.
Josh Sabarra 36:11 But it is interesting to go back and see certain movies, you know, and having to take them for what they are. Right for. There were cell phones there before there were because now how many thrillers would we see that would be wrapped up in two seconds? Right, right, like 9 million of these movies from 1980. If you went back and added a cell phone problem
Alice Vaughn 36:30 would be solved. The Gossip Girl wouldn't exist. And that was in the early 2000s. Right, right. There you go. Actually, Seinfeld, I felt like most of the scenarios could have been cleared up with a text message
Josh Sabarra 36:45 It's funny how some time and advancements can really change plotting, right? It's character driven stuff that you go back and you watch that doesn't I mean, like the themes of nine to five, you can take all of the rest of this out of it, the things that we're talking about, and the themes are still so relevant.
Alice Vaughn 37:01 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, what's it Horrible Bosses built on the same premise? kinda
Silvia Saige 37:06 similar? Yeah, but they had different bosses. Not one boss. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 37:09 Yeah. I mean, everybody kind of I feel like has had one boss at some point in time that they just want to stick it to. So, share is so relatable anyway. So yeah, and having worked
Josh Sabarra 37:19 in Hollywood for 25 years, I had some of the worst that exists. Do you want to spell? I think you hear about some of them implanting. I
Silvia Saige 37:26 was gonna say, and you did kind of stick it to them. So in the most literal sense,
Josh Sabarra 37:32 people get what they deserve. True. And it's funny how you know, you know, it's the funniest thing is you get people who will show up at book signings who have an entirely different idea of what your relationship with them was. You know, like years later, they show up. It's like the frenemy type people who you know, are the first people to buy your work.
Silvia Saige 37:51 Right, right.
Josh Sabarra 37:53 And I will get some of those beautiful, like, you should see sometimes like, it's shocking, like who I'll see Weapons certain things and I always write in their books things like wishing you all the happiness you deserve
because really only they know how much that is.
Alice Vaughn 38:14 I mean that's why sometimes if I'm having a shitty day and someone is being asked to me I'll just say I hope your days as pleasant as you are, right?
Josh Sabarra 38:21 Yes. Yeah. The best thing is when you can you know when you can say those little things to somebody who's not being good to you. And you can say something that's one of those like little like nuanced hidden gems that you can pat yourself on the back for they don't even know they've been installed. Did you feel better? Yeah. Those are the back.
Alice Vaughn 38:41 You mean every shower moment I've ever had? Yeah.
Josh Sabarra 38:46 Clearly, yeah.
Alice Vaughn 38:47 So this is story from porn, again, out of curiosity come to mind, because I mean, I know I'm gonna read the whole thing, but you mentioned LIKE A BOSS sticking it to
Josh Sabarra 38:57 the purpose of it is not to stick it to anybody. And I didn't name anybody and I, you know, some of them are composites of people. But it was to sort of show how the industry has a way, if you're somebody who already doesn't feel good about yourself, which was me for a very long time, never feeling good enough. And, you know, working in Hollywood is one of the worst places that you can look for your sense of self. So that was really, you know, I sort of turned a hobby and a passion into a career. But it was really the worst thing for my spirit because I was working with people who you know, just want to beat you down or, you know, Hollywood's an industry where it's very easy to fail upward. You know, there's very little about it. Science, it's more of a it's not a quantifiable business. Yes. You know, how many, you know how much money a movie made at the box office or whatever, but it's very easy to sort of be mediocre and succeed, and very territorial, and they want to stay in their job. Amen to that. Yeah. And people want to stay in their jobs and they don't want to be you know, they don't want to be found out. It's like the Emperor's New Clothes, right? And so the easiest way to do that is to put other people down and make people feel not good about themselves. And I feel like I dealt with that for a lot of years. And as somebody who already didn't feel good enough, it was the last place to look for self esteem.
Alice Vaughn 40:16 Yeah, and it's so easy to I mean, God not have self esteem in LA cheese's. I went over for one week. There's two situations I ever feel that I need to go to the gym more and the first is whatever I'm at a porn conference or the specifically the ABA ends. Holy shit you ladies are resources are just
Josh Sabarra 40:39 right, but also you have to remember that Silvia is in the business of being beautiful.
Silvia Saige 40:43 Yeah. My job
Josh Sabarra 40:45 yeah, and her look like that. No, I mean, I admire it and I think it's amazing that she's as gorgeous as she is. But you know, I look at these guys like I look at piers, I'm
Alice Vaughn 40:55 not putting you down, trust me. No, of course. Ultimate fits bow. That's all I'm saying,
Josh Sabarra 41:01 believe me, I look at like peers like we go out to dinner and I see how he eats and how he has to stay looking a certain way. And you see, I mean in breaking Mr. Hart, his body is on full display. And I can never be that person. I am never going to have those abs because I'm always going to have pizza. And then I say to everyone else, eat your salad and be sad, but I'm going to have my
Alice Vaughn 41:26 Wait, we came up with another shirt, eat your salad and be sad.
Josh Sabarra 41:31 You heard it here.
Alice Vaughn 41:33 Okay, so that said we do have some patrons to think so this week we want to thank Bethany Aiden Ferran stock, Mike sorbets, ko priest pilot Elisa Falco. Hi, Andrew Gore, Matthew Kolb, rowdy Steven Jones, Bob Dole rental, Neil hallstrom, Neil Simpson, Michael Gad, and many, many others. And by the way, if you want to become a patron yourself, just hop on over to patreon.com slash two girls on Mike. It's also in the show notes. If you want to help Yvette out with her medical fund just head over to PSI babe calm. You can follow all of our stuff and shenanigans on either Facebook our website, our Twitter account tg o m podcast, but Sylvia and Josh, where can our listeners find more of you guys?
Silvia Saige 42:18 Yeah, you can find me online. I'm Silvia sage, si LVIA si g you can find me on all social media platforms there or you can find my podcast sexy, funny role on all places where you can find podcast I Heart Radio, iTunes, Stitcher, and you can also find my second podcast sexual disorientation with Dr. Romney to bosma on iTunes and all podcast platforms. I will
Alice Vaughn 42:43 link to those in the show notes and Josh, where can our listeners find you?
Josh Sabarra 42:47 You can find me on Instagram and Twitter at Josh cervera jo sh s A Ba ra and on Facebook at Josh servera author. My books are available on Amazon or wherever books are sold Barnes and Noble you name it. And I love hearing from people. So, you know,
Alice Vaughn 43:05 just send all the hate mail to you know
Josh Sabarra 43:08 what? Whatever you need to get out of your system. That's fine.
Alice Vaughn 43:12 Perfect. So we will link to the hate mail address in the show notes as well.
Josh Sabarra 43:19 Listen as long as people are paying attention.
Alice Vaughn 43:21 Yeah, true.
Josh Sabarra 43:23 They have a point of view.
Silvia Saige 43:24 Yes. Well,
Alice Vaughn 43:26 I say that until I hear a shitty point of view. Well, exactly. But guys, thanks for tuning in this week. Bye
Unknown Speaker 43:33 bye.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
24 Jul 2019
#47- 30 Rock Porn
01:08:34
Comedian, Dave Kinney (@DavidKinney), joins Alice & Yvette this week to see what happens when you try to turn a show about a live sketch-comedy show into a porn...and forget to ask Judah Friedlander to star in it. We also cover what to not put into a microwave, rocket knees, custom gym blazers, and porn Kenneth. Support us on Patreon!
Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved
Unknown Speaker 0:09 and this one is definitely tested
Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers
Unknown Speaker 0:14 and the tea bags. You mean tea bags?
Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down.
Unknown Speaker 0:23 What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership
Yvette d'Entremont 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice
Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bonus go to clone a Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mic the porncast where no matter how bad you think the hosts are we heard worse. I'm your co host Yvette dancer Martin, here is my co host my lovely, beautiful, fabulous. And did I mention perky co host Alice Vaughn Alice, how are you doing today? Baby? You keep
Alice Vaughn 1:26 trying to get into my pants?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:28 Yeah, if I did not this will they won't they would not be a thing anymore. And then what would our Patreon have to talk about? The wall would be so boring.
Alice Vaughn 1:37 It's true. I'm sure I could think of several other topics that are of interest. Apparently we have a potentially new Patreon reward suggested by one of our listeners. Yes.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:49 Were you create them a custom binder?
Alice Vaughn 1:52 Yeah. So for guests because we have an MFF going on on the show today.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:59 Very excited. It's always very exciting when we get an extra penis on today.
Alice Vaughn 2:03 Yeah, it always says, and I have to apparently now get Dave in the loop of why there is a spider thing going on, which is our keeps binders full of women.
Dave Kinney 2:13 Oh, that Mitt Romney. I mean
Alice Vaughn 2:14 he learned it from me. But mostly I'm a hyper organizer. And I kind of recently just moved places and I had to windell down the number of binders I had, I had more than 50 binders. It was pretty excessive.
Dave Kinney 2:32 It's a thing where they actually full of women.
Yvette d'Entremont 2:34 No, most of them weren't at least I'm sure
Alice Vaughn 2:37 slike one and it had it was in relation to the podcast and potential future guests. So that's the only reason
Yvette d'Entremont 2:44 so you kept the list like romney did. You had a list of women and a binder,
Dave Kinney 2:50 just like Mitt Romney? I'm like, just big introduced to you guys. I'm trying to play. It's super cool. So here like yeah, 50 binders like binders full of it. I'm like cool. Cool. Awesome, perfectly normal. very organized.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:02 Don't worry, Alice is aware that this is like I have my things that I know are completely fucked up. Alice has hurt like this is a fetish of hers practically like I think you say, post it notes. She's like, tag organizing To me it's a I speak no lies Alice, you're not wrong.
Alice Vaughn 3:22 You're not wrong.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:24 I'm not judging. I'm fascinated
Dave Kinney 3:26 people like organization. spreadsheets, you know,
Alice Vaughn 3:29 someone has to do it. someone knows ya know how to use Word and Excel. It's fair. This week on the show, we have stand up comedian and host of the saving the dolphins podcast, which is actually not about saving any dolphins.
Unknown Speaker 3:45 Dave Kenny,
Yvette d'Entremont 3:46 he seems like he might be a friend of marine life but I didn't think he would have a podcast about it.
Dave Kinney 3:51 I'm not against it. I we were talking about this before the show. It is like if you happen to be one of the super small demographic who enjoys funny reviews of porn and specifically enjoys the NFL football team Miami Dolphins. I mean, this is I feel like this one person in the entire world who's gonna hear this podcast everyone else that has no application to them, but there's one person where it's really gonna blow their mind. one stop shopping. I'm sure
Yvette d'Entremont 4:18 we have that fan out there if you are the person.
Dave Kinney 4:22 And by the way, if you're not into the dolphins Don't be like they're not good at football.
Yvette d'Entremont 4:26 Okay, as someone who's from New England, and is not a Patriots fan, it's so sad. It is so lost on me just because I just don't give a shit about football. Like I'm a huge now the Red Sox fan but don't like there were years in which the Patriots were just a joke. And all of a sudden they are not so you know what? There is hope yet
Dave Kinney 4:46 but now it's like being a Patriots fan is like cheering for gravity. Yeah, like it's just it's Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 4:52 it's cheering for the inevitable heat death of the universe. Don't worry. It's just gonna keep happening. That's facts.
Unknown Speaker 4:58 Hearts. Yeah.
Dave Kinney 5:01 Just Yeah, as I'm talking, I just see like Alice's face like, Oh, cool. Can we get back to binders? Can
Yvette d'Entremont 5:06 we talk about boning again?
Alice Vaughn 5:10 Yeah, it's pretty bad that I know zero when it comes to sports, but apparently most people pick up when you're saying, hey, let's talk boobs. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 5:17 it's very relatable boobs are always going to get attention away from sports, or at least I feel in most cases they are.
Alice Vaughn 5:23 Yeah, so speaking of boobs. So Dave, when we met, it was funny because you had this one routine about a couple propositioning you. And I realized
Dave Kinney 5:34 I wanted you to be a unicorn. It was a full on gangbang. This couple came up to me and they were just the super like j crew, Murray Hill, finance capital. couldn't have been more boring. And like this guy comes up and you know, just just super boring looking dude, but he's like, hey, my wife thought you were funny. And I'm like, Oh, cool. Thanks, dude. And he's like, she also thought you were cute. And like my eyes kind of widen. I didn't know where it was going. At first. I was like, I don't Want to fight you? Like, you don't know. Like, when dudes talk to other dudes. Like you just don't know where this is going. Like this dude is like in a fleece vest is his girls in a blazer? But so like really commonly it's like, yeah, once a month, we get together with like four or five other dudes. And those dudes just go out is asking
Unknown Speaker 6:21 you to help run a train on his
Unknown Speaker 6:23 way. That's the
Dave Kinney 6:24 thing like that's why what else we have is a unicorn. I'm like, I don't know. It's something more like a conductor. I don't know if that's a term that gets Brown has a job. offer that blew me away even as much as just the casual
Yvette d'Entremont 6:36 tone coming up after comedy show being like, hey, you're funny. Want to help bang my wife.
Dave Kinney 6:41 He could tell that I wasn't like super big into it. So he tries to like, talk me into it by being like, no, it's cool. It's like a party. There's beer and snacks.
Unknown Speaker 6:50 Yeah, I
Dave Kinney 6:52 started to get offended by how prominently hates mentioning snacks. Because it's like,
Yvette d'Entremont 6:58 here we've got pretzels cut sticking in my wife yeah
Dave Kinney 7:03 we're like that I'd be the kind of dude who would be like there's absolutely no way I'm gonna fuck your wife with four other Oh like like pizza all right
Yvette d'Entremont 7:10 we made homemade dip what
Alice Vaughn 7:12 Capri Sun what I'm there because artichoke
Unknown Speaker 7:16 I love this kind of pay
Alice Vaughn 7:21 what's next what do you bring to a gangbang you know I can answer this
Yvette d'Entremont 7:31 so I've been to some parties not necessarily gang bangs I've been to some parties of ill repute in my life. And I made fudge that was it was a cinnamon kind of a it almost tastes like a pumpkin spice latte fudge between two graham crackers and there was caramel in between it so you kind of make a giant fudge cake. That's what I brought to a sex party.
Dave Kinney 7:57 I feel like it's hard to separate whether that's just a good snack. General
Yvette d'Entremont 8:00 it's a delicious snack. It was like pure calories just in a block of goo and gram. Just make that do I need to urban dictionary fudge cake right now you know if that happens to be a sex term that would be amazing. Hold on if you have a suggestion for what fudge cakes should be in terms of essential term email us info at two girls one Mike,
Dave Kinney 8:22 did you serve that like a just a normal party and someone's like, this is okay, but I feel like this would be perfect for a gang. You just serve it at someone's birthday and they're like
Yvette d'Entremont 8:32 reminds me of a smell. I smelled once of like three pussies mash together in glorious harmony.
Alice Vaughn 8:38 Oh, yeah, it's it's sex cake. Yeah. But where I was going with that is I actually realized next day I was like, Oh, wait, I actually remember seeing you up like the standard years ago perform. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. Because it was that exact story. Oh, yeah.
Dave Kinney 8:56 It's a routine. So if you saw me do it, it definitely must have been a time where I was hosting it. Because I think that like, the reason why I do that story, that story is normally a story to tell when people are paying checks, just because it's like it's a story that has enough keywords that it focuses people's attention while they're doing something else. Like it's not a joke I would normally do as part of like, I feel like having no other idea of my stand up by setup is much less gangbang stories. It's more the exception than the rule. But yeah, I think that the main reason why that story happened, but I just realized that you're trying to hold people's attention while everyone's distracted with other stuff. So it's like, serves a purpose. Because people are paying their check in their eyes just go up like, Wait, did you just say gangbang?
Yvette d'Entremont 9:43 Try to slip an anal sex joke into my routine about skepticism. In fact, checking
Alice Vaughn 9:48 it works. I try doing it at the bank.
Dave Kinney 9:51 Just in casual. Speaking of deposits, and that's
Alice Vaughn 9:55 Yeah, stuff. What does it say on this memo?
Dave Kinney 9:59 I mean, you You get paid for a reason. So you got
Alice Vaughn 10:02 to bring home the buck somehow. Even with our hand or face,
Yvette d'Entremont 10:07 you know, every once in a while I'm not the filthiest one. And it makes me have hope for the youth of our nation.
Dave Kinney 10:18 At the beginning of the podcast, I feel like it's just like slowly. Anyone who listens This is like, oh, Dave, like the gangbang. Dude.
Yvette d'Entremont 10:25 No, no, the dude who turned down Yeah.
Dave Kinney 10:30 Because I have done that bet, like a number of times. Like, there's no way to know how many people never offered gang bangs because of that joke. So it's tough
Yvette d'Entremont 10:39 for you after that, you're like, yeah, maybe maybe one day I could have like, you could have missed all of the opportunities for people who were like, that dude could totally rock my gang bang. And there could have been other people who you would have totally been down yeah, help banging their way through and you just will never know.
Dave Kinney 10:57 on my deathbed. I'm like, I wish I wouldn't have been so close minded. Wish I wasn't so uptight.
Alice Vaughn 11:04 So speaking of hope for the youth, this week we're reviewing 30 rock porn. And I realized after watching and actually even during watching this porn that because I grew up in such a religious household, and most of my sex tips were from Cosmo, I realized I did get a handful of sex tips from 30 rock, which I don't
Yvette d'Entremont 11:26 know, confession. I've seen a handful of episodes of 30 rock but like I know, I need to sit down and watch the show. I like the what I've seen, but I not all of the inside jokes are hitting with this one. But I'm curious. Do pretend to me a little bit more about this. Alice,
Alice Vaughn 11:44 I did find some quotes that accurately described so much of what I learned. So for example, tell her you want her to donate her body to science and your science. Tell her
tell me that have been described at least a portion of my life up until now, a couple of years, a couple conferences. I feel
Yvette d'Entremont 12:09 I feel as described a few moments of sexual assault for sure. Speaking of assault, so
Dave Kinney 12:17 I want to point out that was the most upbeat transition.
Yvette d'Entremont 12:20 Speaking of assault, I've never heard an upbeat transition about assault. Like, are we gonna talk about a recent news story? Somehow, I, I don't know where you're going with this. And I'm a little terrified. But I'm here for the ride.
Alice Vaughn 12:35 Well, relationships are like sharks. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse and something's wrong. I mean, it's from the show. Okay. Okay, gotcha. How about this, this one is going to relate to you so much more. Because you know me our audience knows me at this point, Dave, you're about to know me.
Dave Kinney 12:53 Sounds like a threat.
Dave, you're about to know. We're on webcams. You're like, Look, we're in my eyes.
Alice Vaughn 13:00 With both of us it's you know a bit of a promise a bit of a threat from Liz lemon herself. Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:12 That is your calling card.
Alice Vaughn 13:14 Yeah, yeah. Let's that's you telling me it's not me. It is a very formal dress for all occasions. Dress for all occasions.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:23 I've seen you in one that's a very low cut blazer so you have you have your sexy blazers, you have your casual blazers, you have your business blazer, the duction tank tops for all occasions. This is how we know you're in New York and I know my dressy takeoffs. Wait, do you have like a gym blazer, like once we got a workout in because that would be extra
Dave Kinney 13:43 just like mesh.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:47 I need this to exist now
Dave Kinney 13:48 like a dry fit blazer.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:50 If you are a fashion designer can make him for hours.
Unknown Speaker 13:59 I knew Just
Dave Kinney 14:01 getting a message like, I just need her measurements.
Alice Vaughn 14:04 Oh my god, I hope so. I would actually go to the gym.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:11 Today I'll go to the gym wiki. They make two of us going
Alice Vaughn 14:15 so far. Fantastic. So Dave, for our audience who has never somehow seen 30 rock, how do we describe the show? 30 rock is
Dave Kinney 14:27 I think a lot of people I mean, Kimmy Schmidt has kind of picked up since then. And it's kind of the same team. So if you haven't seen 30 rock, but you've seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt it's very similar, but it's, I mean, the premise of the show is it's set NBC at Rockefeller Center. See if Alec Baldwin who's the head of the network, you have Liz lemon, who's producing the show, which is like a parody of SNL. Especially with this porn parody. There's a lot of strange weird levels of parody. This is like a real interesting nestings doll of so they're doing like an SNL style show. with Tracy Morgan with a real stretch playing Tracy Jordan, which is very different than the way he normally acts really so different, so very different. So yeah,
Alice Vaughn 15:10 I'd like to imagine that maybe in his personal life, he's just really an introvert.
Dave Kinney 15:16 He just goes home and he's just, he's like you he just has blazers for every occasion. It's just
Alice Vaughn 15:21 a ton of podcast reads
Dave Kinney 15:23 Yeah, exactly. He's like just trying to finish Warren pace
Unknown Speaker 15:26 catching up with this NPR.
Dave Kinney 15:28 Yeah, exactly. He's like taking up quilting.
Alice Vaughn 15:31 Stop Wait, wait Don't Don't tell me is on
Dave Kinney 15:35 you know, I can't talk to her all things considered
Yvette d'Entremont 15:37 listens near times. The Daily every morning. Yeah.
Dave Kinney 15:41 Yes, the show though. I mean, it's, it's kind of making fun of or like kind of parroting them than making a fake show, which is a version of SNL. But I think describing the tone of the show. I think what I liked so much about it is the whole show is just like a non stop joke factory. Just every scene is 1000 jokes all the time. I mean, there were a lot of really good writers, Donald Glover, Hannibal Burris, a lot of like the writers who went through that show went on to write a bunch of other huge shows and big things, but it was just yeah, I think that that's why I like the show so much just a million jokes all the time.
Alice Vaughn 16:14 At one point, actually, in 2010, a blogger actually calculated how many jokes there were per minute in the show. Oh, what can you guys guess? on average about how many jokes were each minute?
Yvette d'Entremont 16:25 5.1 let's say 12
Alice Vaughn 16:27 you're close Dave 9.57 jokes each minute
Yvette d'Entremont 16:32 why so high? It's so high. I wonder if they were using like friends technology where they just kind of sped up the speaking just enough to make it not sound unnatural. would get a little bit extra in there. Like do you remember in in the show friends? They actually sped up? No.
Dave Kinney 16:50 Yeah. I don't know that.
Yvette d'Entremont 16:51 That's the thing they did for all of the show. It's I'm not sure what percentage of the show but yeah, they sped up the the speaking a little bit I need to please fact check me on this. But this is the thing I've read in a few different sources.
Dave Kinney 17:03 I feel like I haven't seen friends. So like, I'm just gonna go back and I'm like, I just assumed everyone was on cocaine. But it turns out, there's technology speeding things up.
Yvette d'Entremont 17:11 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was New York in the 90s. I'm sure they could all afford those giant apartments and a fuckload of
Dave Kinney 17:18 cocaine. I think the coffee place was a cover for a coke operation. Like, it's pretty obvious. It's called the Central Park and you're like, everyone's making fun of it. Oh, so stupid. They'll wake up they can afford that apartment. Meanwhile, there's cocaine in the coffee. Now this makes so much sense.
Alice Vaughn 17:33 How else a Jennifer Aniston have so much energy. It wasn't the coffee. It was cocaine strips. actly. Did we just start a rumor on this podcast?
Yvette d'Entremont 17:41 We're going with it. Hey, at least we're just going with coke dealer ship and not running a child sex ring out of the basement?
Dave Kinney 17:50 Yeah, I mean, that is better. Didn't Ross have a monkey? Isn't that like a classic coke dealer pet?
Yvette d'Entremont 17:55 Oh my god. Yeah, he sure he's a geology. Oh yeah. Cuz every time 20 something I know who's totally not a drug dealer Wang. Yeah. has a great job as geologists making six figures in their 20s
Dave Kinney 18:08 No, isn't that clear? He was selling rocks. Like
it was a metaphor.
I would love if you sat down with the writers have friends and they're like, yeah, they were obviously coke dealers. We thought that was pretty obvious.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:24 Years later, we were playing you. Like we
Dave Kinney 18:27 didn't realize people didn't get it.
Unknown Speaker 18:29 How do you think we got Monica to lose all the weight? It was all the fucking cocaine.
Dave Kinney 18:33 Exactly. That's right after her brother took up geology.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:38 selling those rocks, baby. Not an endorsement. Well, not from you. I feel
Dave Kinney 18:43 like I want to spin up podcasts if nothing but like friends, conspiracy theories.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:49 Like, my God, that podcast has to exist somewhere and it's like three people reading it and like six people listening to it.
Dave Kinney 18:57 Yeah, it's just called friends in quotation marks.
Alice Vaughn 19:00 We reviewed friends porn with friend of the show Brigid fennessy. Yeah. And she said it was so unrealistic and she was so taken out of it. The second that Monica was she was getting come down or just the fact that she was just so messy. It just I mean, she's a neat freak, you know?
Yvette d'Entremont 19:18 Yeah. For me, like, I never really watched friends. So I'm watching the whole thing going. I can't tell if this is better or worse, out equal.
Dave Kinney 19:28 When I was watching this, that 30 rock porn parody. I had heard of it. And I when I first met Alice Vaughn, when she was talking about the podcast that she did, she said that they would do weird parodies. And that was the one that always came to my mind is the strangest for some reason. It's so obscure. It did well, like an award season and stuff, but it was never a really highly rated show. And like, there's no one who was watching 30 rock who was like, oh, there needs to be a porn version of this.
Alice Vaughn 19:52 Oh, someone thought of that. Well, specifically, that's someone being Leroy Myers, other friend of the show and director who we won't stop pitching. ideas that he keeps burning
Yvette d'Entremont 20:01 one day one day Leroy, we will I'm just still hoping for the dogma, parody dogma style.
Dave Kinney 20:10 I mean, I felt like there was a lot of restraint that I'm not calling this 30 cock. I'm not like patting myself on the back for coming up with that. I feel like that was everyone's idea. But I think that I think that's why they didn't do it, because they're like, now let's go a little bit class here. I realized watching it though, that to what your friend had said about like, kind of how big a fan of friends and then watching it, I realized how separate my brain thinks about porn compared to how I think about TV shows. And that like, it is just such a separate category that I don't think. I mean, Tina Fey and think is very pretty. I don't think I've ever imagined her having sex before. or really any of the people on the show. Like, it just is like, you know, there's a part of my brain for porn that part of the for this. So then, like, I was watching the show, and I'm like, it's gonna be weird. If it's like seeing a bunch of characters. I like having sex. But then they went have different enough direction that I was never really forced to face that anyway. I was like, Oh no, these are just points.
Yvette d'Entremont 21:06 So fun story, the adult actress who plays Tina Fey and this is another actress we've had on the show, Lisa and she also played Pailin in Neyland, Pailin, which I just think is delicious because of course, Tina Fey played Pailin famously on SNL. So I'm like, there's something kind of meta on this and I, I want somehow with a combination of like deep fakes and body doubles for there to be a porn parody of Lisa and and Palin and Tina Fey having sex. And it all be acted by Lisa ad.
Alice Vaughn 21:42 Listeners get on that,
Yvette d'Entremont 21:43 Lisa, and you can do this if you're the woman for the job. You're literally the only woman for the job
Dave Kinney 21:50 building a deep fake. I feel like Lisa does. Like we're the only porn stars who has enough video out there. We're just even just using existing footage, a fan could reasonably put that same together.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:00 Exactly And since we have the footage of her as Pailin and Tina Fey, yeah,
Dave Kinney 22:05 that feels very doable.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:06 I'm just saying I think she should do it and capitalize on it.
Dave Kinney 22:08 I was reading up on this before I watched it, and I guess she did an interview. And apparently, she was also a really big fan of 30. Rock, Lisa and was and she said that there was like a big priority for her to really go for capturing Tina Fey his exact vibe. That after seeing the movie, it really bummed me out to know that it would have seen the way the performance went. It would have made me feel better if she just never seen the show. 30 rock
Alice Vaughn 22:32 Damn it. Why didn't you tell me that?
Dave Kinney 22:34 No, I This was so crazy. I sent this to Alice. So we're probably jumping ahead of it.
Alice Vaughn 22:40 Oh, it's okay. We'll walk through the porn and
Yvette d'Entremont 22:42 we'll get through the plot later. We can talk about you know, General feelings for now,
Dave Kinney 22:46 but getting more meta, so two months after the porn version came out 30 rock in the second episode, the fourth season, actually had an episode where they did a porn version of 30 rock and so vana Sam slide and they had Savannah Samson play the porn version of Tina Fey. But they made Savannah Samson who played the porn version of Tina Fey look a lot like Lisa and like the wig was because I mean, you see what Tina Fey's hair looks like in the show. The wig that Savannah Samson had was not a Tina Fey wig. It was way more of like a Lisa and wig. But even like the way they played that they played that the way I kind of wish Lisa and would have played it, which was just like a porn star, kind of having fun jokingly as a character for some reason, it felt like Lisa and in this movie, it almost felt like she was going for like a soap opera acting. It's one thing to like go for comedy acting and have a tough time with it. It felt like she was going the opposite direction. Like she was actively going for very dramatic line readings. Hello, did you guys get that or not?
Yvette d'Entremont 23:50 Yeah, I have had that contention with her acting before. Fair.
Alice Vaughn 23:54 It was a sad version of Islam. And it was if Liz lemon, it was just super serious. And her jokes just didn't land. I don't know. That's how it felt.
Dave Kinney 24:05 Well, it's also the thing to have like if you say jokes in an incredibly serious and dramatic tone. They don't read as jokes like they just read as like just dramatic thoughts you're having at the time and there were a couple
Alice Vaughn 24:16 of cries for help for me. Yeah. Can you
Dave Kinney 24:19 just cries of desperation
Alice Vaughn 24:22 that's why no one takes me seriously. Oh, I just say everything in this with a smile, come on
Dave Kinney 24:27 dying and said don't worry.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:28 Everyone can tell you're crying on the inside, or at least I can because I share those. It's the tears of father didn't hug me enough. Hey, it's better than him hugging me too much. Just saying it's my pain and I will deal with it how I want
Dave Kinney 24:42 I feel like I look like a friendly history teacher and I was just brought on this podcast to be like, You're both very pretty and very.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:49 We're in good relationships. Don't worry. Like we just joke about some
Dave Kinney 24:54 lucky guy out there.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:00 Sir, these are the jokes we tell about why we are as fucked up as we are.
Alice Vaughn 25:04 So why do we get into the porn? Okay, so this porn opens with something I just really didn't expect. It was amazing, honestly and Dave, correct me if I'm wrong, it was essentially. So the porn opens with Trey Jordan, instead of Tracy Jordan giving a crib style tour of his home. It's just a throwback at all to the series, because I really don't remember this.
Dave Kinney 25:30 I mean, they would definitely have kind of parodies like that where like, Tracy Jordan would get involved in that kind of stuff. I'd watched a bunch of episodes that 30 rock but I mean, it's I'm sure there's a listener that's gonna angrily correct me on this. I don't think that there was ever like an actual cribs thing directly, but I mean, they were kind of going for that like kind of ridiculous character thing with him.
Unknown Speaker 25:50 And it was so good. It
Alice Vaughn 25:52 was he really nailed it. Yeah, when
Dave Kinney 25:53 he points to the light. He's like, rich.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:57 He gets up on the table with the goblet. I'm sorry. Right. He just keeps holding up random objects
Alice Vaughn 26:03 rich turns a book around with a piece of paper that says rich
Yvette d'Entremont 26:07 see what's in my fridge to sell phone who wants shiny?
Dave Kinney 26:11 Yeah, it's a great
Yvette d'Entremont 26:12 who wants crystal?
Dave Kinney 26:14 I did realize watch I get that Tracy Morgan is he's a hard person to parody just in that, like he's already kind of on 11 to begin with. So there's not a whole lot you can add to make that more ridiculous. Like I think of anything like the guy who played him actually dialed it back slightly.
Alice Vaughn 26:31 The real Tracy Jordan on 30 rock actually improvised a ton of his lines. Yeah, I actually found something really similar where at one point in the actual 30 rock He's like, I got it. Yeah, I got a solid gold jetski to batmobiles aids monkey bones. And by the way that was scripted. The unscripted part was a pair of Rock Hudson socks, a pair of build big speed glasses from when he used to be your best friend.
Dave Kinney 26:58 Wow, national treasure.
Unknown Speaker 27:00 Solid, great,
Alice Vaughn 27:01 great improvising.
Unknown Speaker 27:02 This is after tracy morgan lost a frontal lobe before Oh,
Dave Kinney 27:07 before the accident, Ivan, I remember there was like this news story of Tracy Morgan, the actual actor. And it was like, there was an issue with a shark tank. In his Manhattan apartment. He had a. Uh huh. Yep. And there was an issue where there was like a leak or something. But it was wild. 30 Rock was and you're like, yeah, I mean, that's, I guess about what I expected.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:28 Like, there are some people who you aren't surprised when they have a shark tank.
Dave Kinney 27:32 Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. There's people are like, no way. And there's other people you're like, yeah, yeah, that feels about right.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:38 A goldfish. Seems like too much commitment. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I can't keep a lot of things alive. Frankly. I'm shocked sometimes I'm alive. I keep myself alive. That's dogs and cats are good. They bark at you and scratch you if they need food. talpa that's really easy plants. I cannot do
Dave Kinney 27:56 Yeah, I was like slowly killed an orchid. I mean I didn't plan it that way I
Alice Vaughn 28:02 quickly killed an orchid it's kind of hard to kill an orchid they like can go without water for a while. I mean,
Dave Kinney 28:09 maybe people just told me this to make me feel better. But uh no orchids are supposed to be kind of finicky. Just plants are super hard to kill, but apparently, maybe it's just this kind of orchid. Everyone was giving me all these insane advice of like, bring it into the bathroom when you take a shower. So like, just the midst of it is how it will be watered. Someone said the water with ice cubes.
Alice Vaughn 28:31 Dave I think the orchid was bugged. Yeah. Why would someone tell you to bring an orchid into the shower? Come on. It was bugged.
Yvette d'Entremont 28:38 I wanted to hear the dulcet tones of your shower singing to living on a prayer.
Dave Kinney 28:42 That is like, I like I mean, we've already established I love conspiracy theories, but I was like, I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that. It's like I'm not even bothered by it. Like I just feel like I owe someone an apology. Oh man, you spider man. I just want to say I'm really sorry.
Yvette d'Entremont 28:59 me doing My half stream of consciousness half fading in and out of singing Disney songs while I'm in the shower. That's totally something people want to hear.
Dave Kinney 29:07 Yeah, it's a real specific fetish.
Alice Vaughn 29:10 But what I also did like was when he was walking through the home, he was saying all the different things he stole from other people. Yeah, that railing stolen from Tyler Perry. goes to the bedroom. This is where the magic happens right here. No, really. I stole this from Criss Angel. Fuck you, Criss Angel.
Alice Vaughn 29:30 Really? I mean, is he a douchebag? I wouldn't know Criss Angel. If you're listening come on the show. It's cliche No, no, he's too much of a douchebag or not having Criss Angel. It's just me or have you guys totally seen this house on porn sets?
Unknown Speaker 29:46 Yeah, those stairs. Yeah,
Dave Kinney 29:49 I feel like I've definitely seen people fuck on those stairs before.
Yvette d'Entremont 29:51 I've seen somebody being penetrated on those stairs before I'm pretty sure and at least one or two holes
Alice Vaughn 29:57 that shower that bathtub. I'm pretty sure I've seen That bathtub in at least 20 borns I think
Yvette d'Entremont 30:02 I've seen it in like a couple of steps sibling porn someone's like around the corner. He like you know that's that's the thing that's happened in that house many a time
Alice Vaughn 30:11 God now I just want to invest in real estate and just Linda
Dave Kinney 30:17 I don't think I would want that cleaning bill.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:20 Oh, look just invest in the real estate. It's rented like an Airbnb.
Dave Kinney 30:25 Just like have like the kind of thing where like everything in every room is waterproof and there's just a drain so like every week to get this hose it all down.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:32 Just remember hardwood floors everywhere.
Dave Kinney 30:35 Like you don't even have to scrub anything by hand you just come up with a pressure sprayer just like I'm
Yvette d'Entremont 30:39 in spray bleach pressure
Alice Vaughn 30:40 sprayer every time Really?
Dave Kinney 30:44 Yeah, you say that until you see the set afterwards. You're like pressure sprayer every time pressure sprayer every time. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 30:50 cuz there's just a lot of lube.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:51 Yeah, have one bedroom that's the angel bedroom be like look, I understand that you're cleaning shit up beforehand, literally, but I'm taking no chances. The Go into another porn star next week. Yes. Because there
Alice Vaughn 31:03 was great as I was talking to one of our past guests that we're having dinner with next week, I was recommending dinner spots. And she said, Well, I can't eat much because I have an anal scene The next day, things you only get when you talk to porn star friends,
Yvette d'Entremont 31:18 you know, or people who are really dedicated to their own bedroom, but I don't know anyone that advocated.
Alice Vaughn 31:24 If you weren't that dedicated to your bedroom, just please email us info to girls on mic. So I could just say thank you, and give you applause via a GIF.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:34 Yeah, I need to know if anyone's truly this dedicated to having some clean but sex that they're like, I'm gonna skip eating for a day. And it's not for the camera. I love
Dave Kinney 31:44 that. You're just like having like a couple's date with another couple and like, you're like eating dinner together. They're like, Oh, I can't Thursday's are a no. And they both just smiled knowingly and you're like, well, that's not where I expected this to go.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:57 Everyone we've heard it from it's you know, donate. For a day laxative and a lot of enemas helpful, that's a job, man. That's a goddamn job. Para two girls one, Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm
Alice Vaughn 32:26 and that is close enough. And we will never
Unknown Speaker 32:29 recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend clonal Willie, because with Corona Willie, you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with Cloner Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. As we found it's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and debating maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk. But instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator
Alice Vaughn 33:05 and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall. Hide it
Yvette d'Entremont 33:08 in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone,
Alice Vaughn 33:10 send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united
Unknown Speaker 33:14 use it to fix a broken leak,
Alice Vaughn 33:17 or to cause one personal experience.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:21 Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls.
Alice Vaughn 33:30 where can our listeners find out more
Yvette d'Entremont 33:31 about this madness? To quote unquote go to Kota Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Alice Vaughn 33:43 So moving through the porn By the way, they have a fantastic recreation of the actual 30 rock intro. Perfect, in my opinion
Dave Kinney 33:53 agreed pretty strong.
Alice Vaughn 33:54 So we're introduced to Jake and Alicia or really jack and Alisa from The real 30 rock, I'm gonna just refer to them by the regular 30 rock character names in this porn because yeah, we're dealing with a lot of character names. We want people to fall. Sure, but you have jack Donaghy, so he is an executive. By the way. Did you guys know that the role of jack Donaghy was actually written for Alec Baldwin? And they were kind of fucking shocked when they got Alec Baldwin for it. He couldn't see that.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:25 I can't see anyone else doing it. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 34:27 I know. Um, what's his name? from Mad Men? The one with the really smooth face. JOHN had on him. Yeah, he auditioned for that role, but they brought him in later on as an ex of Liz's
Yvette d'Entremont 34:40 Yeah, I don't feel like he's funny. And then again, I've never seen him in anything other than Mad Men.
Alice Vaughn 34:45 I think he did well as Liz's boyfriend in the actual show, but going back to the porn. So you have very little dialogue where apparently jack is he's concerned about ratings. Yeah. I guess the only way for someone to actually get their ratings up or how Lisa says it is. How about I stroke your ratings? I think that's one way to get them up at some that's a way to get something out. How about a stroke your ratings until they grow? Yeah, ratings. That's what they're calling it now. I don't know. I mean, for me it was when he said suck my executive deck. I mean, wouldn't that when any woman over
Dave Kinney 35:27 Yeah, there were a couple of them suck. My executive deck was the first one. There were like a lot of lines during this section that were just like, first off, he just keeps saying, I'm your boss. I'm your boss. Once again, like, feel like if someone's boss. I don't know if he need to remind them.
Alice Vaughn 35:43 He's kind of her boss. I mean, in the real show. She is Jack's mother's nurse. Yeah, he starts dating.
Dave Kinney 35:51 That's the thing that even like the boss thing, like it's not even the direct. So the way to say it, but also like they're the same sex same. He's like you're so tight. You You're such a whore. How does it stay so tight? Which, like,
Unknown Speaker 36:04 you know, oh man, he goes,
Dave Kinney 36:06 Well, it's also a thought one of the things too is just a genetics a pro tip you just, you can just stop after you're so tight. Like, you can just keep those other questions internal That one's gonna
Alice Vaughn 36:16 pro tip for the pros. I
Yvette d'Entremont 36:17 wonder if that's rhetorical or it's the question is, how does a woman feel when they're asked that mid? like are they sitting there contemplating? Well, you know, I did. I did a lot of horseback riding when I was younger. Like, no one's ever directly asked, How do you say so tight like during coitus? Yeah. Which makes me wonder, Is there a problem with bide?
Alice Vaughn 36:39 Man I'm really glad I don't get questions during sex because I would just sit down and answer them.
Unknown Speaker 36:44 What's the top of Maslow's hierarchy of need baby? Tell me,
Dave Kinney 36:48 tell me this gets really philosophical. She's like what starts with believing in myself. That's
Yvette d'Entremont 36:55 it eat organic and I work out and I drink 10 glasses of water. A day just like somebody told us that was how she keeps your skin nice on this podcast. I'm not naming names, but you bullshitted us lady
Dave Kinney 37:08 like thanks for asking. Something I noticed across all the sex scenes was that everyone, it's like they would do like a character to some degree, but for the most part, that character was just immediately abandon as soon as sec started, which like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that's probably true for most actors.
Yvette d'Entremont 37:24 We ended up not watching a lot of the sex scenes.
Alice Vaughn 37:27 I mean, it doesn't always happen. So for example, like in et porn, like, sorry about this, Dave.
Yvette d'Entremont 37:34 Oh, now, look, you came on this podcast. You were gonna be subjected to some stories. He knew what this was.
Alice Vaughn 37:40 Yeah, I mean, that's a scene where when you're having a threesome with an alien, or at least someone blowing dead, okay, you gotta watch the whole thing. And they stay in character the entire time. Or?
Yvette d'Entremont 37:51 Oh, yeah, there was the most amazing threesome in that. Watch the threesome for the acting. I'm not even Kidding and if you want to see someone stay in full character during sex scene, watch horror at the porn version of for at we've said this in many episodes, we have the horror at challenge where we challenge people to as Tommy pistol as a master of staying in character during sex with someone and say something during the height of one of those most intimate moments that Boris would say like
Unknown Speaker 38:23 nice.
Yvette d'Entremont 38:25 Just bust out with a Borah style line or its enemy and a lot of his porins he does a season character so it's what I went, Wow, that really is a goddamn job.
Dave Kinney 38:34 This is like some real Daniel Day Lewis shit. Like that is like, that is like a method. where like, I mean, that is like a different skill level because it's like, well, they say like with acting like you can do an accent. But if you have to yell, it's actually really hard to yell in an accent because like when you're yelling, you're kind of accessing like a different something like actually, like really genuinely emotional. I feel like sex has to be that times 1000 because it's like, you act Whatever role but I feel like for better for worse you probably fuck however it is you fuck. And I feel like changing that to suit whoever your character is like I feel like it is a separate skill set that I feel like
Yvette d'Entremont 39:11 it's a next level fucking Yeah, it is an next level act if there are a handful of them that are genuinely funny and genuinely good and everything we've seen them and they craft a character and they're fun to watch having said yeah, I'm happy whenever we happen to select the title that they're in because I'm like Alright, this is gonna be funny to watch we're gonna have a good thing to review
Dave Kinney 39:33 I would love if there was like one porn star that like you found out that like Meryl Streep is like on the record of like admiring like just like
like just something of like just let's get Meryl Streep.
Alice Vaughn 39:45 Meryl we know you don't listen to us. So Assistant America who probably listens to us get on this girl's dogs for the system. Please call.
Dave Kinney 39:55 It's like someone who just was at a coffee shop. She was at one time and you're like, close enough.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:00 Take it. We'll take somebody who accidentally like brushed by or it's like I have a Merrill story.
Alice Vaughn 40:05 We want you email us info to girls when Mike you guys know the email, by the
Yvette d'Entremont 40:09 way, say it like six times a show.
Alice Vaughn 40:12 So the next scene we have Kenneth the page giving a tour, and we run into Mrs. Jennifer Maroney. And one of the things I love is she says, I grew up in a small town we have barbershops but no bleach. Okay, that seems eerily specific. Is this in regards to unbleached anus? like is this a town just full of no bleaching of the anus? Is this what it's throwing to? I don't know. She was saying she suffered so I think she means they could get her hair cut but she couldn't color it.
Dave Kinney 40:43 Yeah, that was how I took it.
Alice Vaughn 40:44 Oh, so you're saying hair. I'm going god damn it.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:48 I was going with what they do at barber shops. Look, I don't always pick them up. I have my moments of extraordinary gem but I got this was
Dave Kinney 40:58 like Alice is just giving them like it ton of credit. Alice's like, Where's the?
Unknown Speaker 41:04 Where's the deep Jackie's
Dave Kinney 41:05 like really
Unknown Speaker 41:06 wanted more than I did out of that like
Dave Kinney 41:08 Ernest Hemingway novel The way she's really good she's like, but what does it mean?
I think it might just be what you think it means.
Alice Vaughn 41:16 My Creative Writing teacher would be so proud of me
Dave Kinney 41:19 feel like you're being very generous. Sometimes a
Yvette d'Entremont 41:21 cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes it's a big brown dick.
Dave Kinney 41:25 I thought that the dude who played Kenneth, in my opinion did the absolute best job.
Alice Vaughn 41:30 Exactly. Yeah, Dad balls on Paul wood crest just fucking nailed it.
Dave Kinney 41:36 I looked him up because I was curious about like, what his deal was because the what happens at the end. I mean, we'll go through the scenes in order but the switcheroo at the end was jarring and upsetting and fantastic.
Alice Vaughn 41:47 I agree.
Dave Kinney 41:48 It turns out that that dude, though, is like he's a behind the scenes dude. He's like a director, a camera guy and stuff like that. He has no, he's just been an extra. I think this might. I can't confirm this exactly. But I think this is the only point over here. As lines and maybe it's been like a cuckolded boyfriend or something a bit like, Alright, I'll be home in a minute. Hang out with my best friend don't do anything weird. But like he really made this real happen as happy.
Alice Vaughn 42:11 Oh, yeah. And we've set this about a number of porn actors who don't have sex and porn. I mean, frankly, the Tracy Jordan character in this porn just doesn't have sex at all.
Dave Kinney 42:22 Yeah, that was the most misleading the choice of who they decided, especially on the dude said to be featured. And, like, if we're making a porn of 30 rock, obviously, you're gonna have an Alec Baldwin character. But if you were like in the save, who's the second male character who's definitely gonna fuckin up porn. You'd say, Tracy Jordan? Like Absolutely. Oh, no,
Alice Vaughn 42:43 it was x. Now
Dave Kinney 42:44 where were you going with the open with it seems like and then there's like the scene where they're like, Welcome Back, Kotter. He said, all these scenes that seemed like porn sets. So like every scene he's in, you're like, Alright, it's about to happen. And then the movie ended. I was just sitting there shocked, like Cuz they open with like five minutes of him so I'm like, obviously they're gonna work this
Yvette d'Entremont 43:04 no yeah like I figure eventually there's going to be something in which his dick is gonna be like all of these kind of parody titles with black in them I'm like eventually one of these is going to be a porn yeah like it has to happen at an each scene eventually somebody else turns into the unlike. I feel let down
Dave Kinney 43:23 so I mean the other people they chose they chose Judah Friedlander's character Frank and they chose Scott adds its character Pete So
Alice Vaughn 43:30 why don't we go into actually the next scene with the Judah Freelander character? Sure What ends up happening is actually right before that, jack gets the great idea that epiphany post sex which I've never had a post sex epiphany my brain is just dead.
Unknown Speaker 43:45 Now I'm trying to think if I ever have had one.
Alice Vaughn 43:47 My point is this so early on, he pitches the idea of inserting more sex into the show to boost the ratings which isn't a terrible idea. I do love those specifically. When he insults her and says, Look lemon you and I aren't so different except maybe for your Ross gift card which has given you the free range to buy your entire wardrobe from a sign labeled discontinued clothing 75% off this man does not understand the joy of shopping at Ross dress for less I bought my wedding dress from their cars. 20 bucks. I eloped. It looked fantastic.
Dave Kinney 44:21 Yeah, he was going like really hard. And the thing is like, it would have made more sense if it was like a terrible outfit he had but it looked fine. But he just kept he kept resting are so hard on it. You're like, come on, dude.
Yvette d'Entremont 44:32 But is that in character for? Oh, yeah, that's absolutely in
character. Okay, it's kind of one of these I dress expensive and fuck off.
Alice Vaughn 44:40 Exactly. Actually, Alec Baldwin, when the show was wrapped up and buying supposedly all the suits from the show. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. Nice guy. Alec Baldwin.
Dave Kinney 44:50 I heard nothing but good things. ish.
Alice Vaughn 44:53 ish. ish. No, you don't want the show to succeed. You don't want to be like me? No, you don't want to stop dressing like a Walmart greeter.
Dave Kinney 45:01 But again, though that because Lisa ad was plagued so dramatic, it seemed like she was actually devastated by what he was saying. And also like Alec Baldwin, it's like he does like this deadpan really well, where it's like, they'll say cutting stuff, but it's like funny and effective. It just sounded like this dude was just being mean to her,
Yvette d'Entremont 45:18 does he? And I mean it because I don't watch it does he deliver, like, more deadpan almost not in the voice that he does Trump on SNL, but kind of in a just a little bit more monotone than this actor is?
Dave Kinney 45:29 Yeah, I mean, it's just this like kind of cool, very reserved. I can't do that. The voice has saved my life, but it's just
Yvette d'Entremont 45:35 no climbing. You and I are so different. Yeah. Except for your Ross gift card that keeps giving you license to buy your clothes from under sign Mark discontinued 75% off. Yeah, I'm not getting it. I know. I'm not getting the voice down. No. Like, there's not a bitter edge to how he says it's kind of like Matter of fact. Yeah,
Dave Kinney 45:51 exactly. And I think that that's why it's so funding on the show is like he's not saying it to hurt her feelings. He's saying it because he doesn't care. Where's that? This dude is like It's like he's saying it to try to hurt her feelings which is like he's executive a company. He doesn't care enough to hurt your feelings like it's.
Yvette d'Entremont 46:07 Yeah, it's just yeah, here's an observation I have about you. You have feelings. I don't register those. I might be a sociopath, but I'm not doing this to be mean.
Unknown Speaker 46:16 Yeah, exactly.
Alice Vaughn 46:17 What I do enjoy though, is within the porn parody, they take elements of the show. So for example, in the show, jack doesn't mind pissing Liz off to get his way. Sure. So in this case, you know, he'll promote Tracy Jordan to being executive producer of the show. Hey, Hang Hang of this show. Well, cutaway he's in a throne, Cape crown and all fuzzy slippers. Dave, did you any chance write down the slide because I'll send it to you if you could pull off this accent
Unknown Speaker 46:45 Why? Which is it?
Alice Vaughn 46:46 All right, hold on. Let me throw it into the chat.
Dave Kinney 46:49 Oh, Jesus. If I could Tracy bargain, pressure, this fucking garbage. It sounds like one of those things to where it's like, I feel like it's a white dude doing a bad tracy morgan impression. It's just like, it's like There's no way
Yvette d'Entremont 47:00 a white person doing this voice is gonna turn out. All right, yeah.
Alice Vaughn 47:03 Three white people on the show. No one's gonna do this.
Dave Kinney 47:08 I mean, I appreciate the invite, but I'm like reading this. I'm like, I don't see an upset.
Alice Vaughn 47:13 No, no,
Yvette d'Entremont 47:14 I can read it and not do the voice
Alice Vaughn 47:17 event. Why don't you
Yvette d'Entremont 47:18 do that? All right. Well, I'm in Kashmir as King of the show. I want to make a few changes instead of a musical guests each week. I want a midget wearing a clown outfit. Fighting a large dog with nunchucks strong
Alice Vaughn 47:30 honestly, I'd watch it Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 47:31 I down you know, except him notch. I'm sitting here going pro. Look.
Alice Vaughn 47:39 It's problematic, but I would watch it.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:41 If this were 100 years ago, and you can get away with doing such a thing. I go.
Dave Kinney 47:44 Yeah, it's like that kind of thing. where it's like, if it's like in public, you're like, Oh, I can't believe this is happening. But if there was like a private like, I've got a video of this. You can watch it or not. I'm like, email it to me.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:54 If I found out it was ethically sourced, midget clown fighting with nunchucks I watch it. It's kind of like verifying that your porn is ethically sourced. How do you verify that you have ethically sourced midget clown fighting with
Dave Kinney 48:09 with this duck free range?
Yvette d'Entremont 48:14 Did they eat all organic eggs?
Dave Kinney 48:17 out of trough was the grass fed?
Yvette d'Entremont 48:20 Were they allowed to run free after?
Alice Vaughn 48:23 We actually put little shackles on them on their legs?
Dave Kinney 48:27 And then checks were little sausages that they got to eat afterwards, so there was a happy ending to it. Yeah, I didn't realize until afterward that like the episode of 30 rock that they did a porn parody. It actually did actually have some a lot of like the same beats that this porn movie had. So like, the porn parody at the end of the episode to watch this was because Liz lemon had to give Tracy control of the show, which is why it became a porn parody. It because jack made Tracy give her control over the show. Also, there was the lying about microwaves that we're definitely getting to. But it was the 30 rock episode, one of the main things that jack had to do was sell microwaves for ge. And it was a whole plot of him and his whole writing team had to design a perfect microwave.
Alice Vaughn 49:12 Dave, can you read the line about microwaves?
Dave Kinney 49:15 Yeah, cuz he looks at it. He's like, sex is what sells on TV. Microwave ovens are different story. He need violence to sell microwaves. But there was this long pause with the way that he delivered that line. It just it was like a triggered some negative microwave like some horrible thing he had done to sell microwaves in his past. Then this show where it was like it wasn't even just the lines. It was the way that they were read. And some of the pauses made them a lot differently than if you just read them normal.
Alice Vaughn 49:44 There were a number of things I kept picturing. How do you make microwaves dangerous? And I kept thinking about Okay, what are standard things you shouldn't put in microwaves, aluminum foil or electronics? Yeah, eggs in a shell creeps. A baby another microwaved Put a microwave in a microwave. Yeah, Paul Blart Mall Cop on blu ray. I think public
Dave Kinney 50:05 mocap is microwave safe.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:07 The microwave is only dangerous if you put a baby in it to the baby. It doesn't make it more dangerous to anyone outside of it. It's true. Good call. I'm going to Hell
Dave Kinney 50:16 yeah, but then the problem then as it's not dangerous, but any of the food you have from the microwave From then on, it's gonna be slightly baby flavored. And that's
Yvette d'Entremont 50:24 not what you want. Oh, yeah, and I mean, babies are only bit they're only better in caviar form. It's one of those mood
Dave Kinney 50:30 foods just like the cake that you mentioned earlier. Like, it's a great cake, but it's only a great cake for orgies. Like, I feel like like baby it's like there's a specific mood. Like where that's not the mood you're in for it's not gonna make your pizza taste better.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:45 I prefer my baby on Passover. Alright, as you see la appropriate for bed and I was the second board.
Alice Vaughn 50:54 You know what I found what you actually shouldn't put in microwave and I didn't know this before. hot peppers. Really? Yeah because apparently if you add some heat to a hot pepper a microwave, they actually could potentially spark cause a fire. yeah wait and chemicals some of the capsaicin released from the peppers might actually cause you to choke and even burn your eyes so it's a set process similar to pepper spray, so I can see that don't microwave Carolina Reapers, I guess
Dave Kinney 51:22 fair enough at room temperature
Unknown Speaker 51:24 like I don't know, but then catching Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 51:26 Jesus. Oh, and jawbreakers that's another thing. Apparently, they become explosives in your mouth if you decide to microwave them first. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no. And people did it.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:37 I don't care if that's an urban legend. I'm not gonna be the next one to try it
Dave Kinney 51:42 out. Are there videos of that happening to people because I kind of want to see
Alice Vaughn 51:45 a story of someone in Florida doing
Dave Kinney 51:47 Florida. Horses for no other place.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:50 some crazy shit happens is either Florida or Russia.
Alice Vaughn 51:53 Yeah. So we get to the scene where we go into the writers room. And oh God, actually this Such a good line before the sexy delivered by the Tracy Jordan character. So Liz walks in with news is saying that you know, and everyone tries to guess what the News is. And the best guess is from Tracy. You're going to get that surgery, they get jet fuel rocket. And when guys come up to you, they'd be like Nestle's baby and you'd be like, thanks and burn his face off with your rockin bees.
Dave Kinney 52:26 I love that. Is that
Alice Vaughn 52:26 problematic?
Yvette d'Entremont 52:28 No, I think it's okay. That was it.
Dave Kinney 52:30 I really grew adorable enough to pull it off. Like I feel like you're in that class where like, people are like, Oh, she doesn't know.
Dave Kinney 52:40 I think what I loved about that scene, though, is also just like, it was like he went with racket knees but then there were like eight more lines calling back about like how useful racket knees would be. And I just, I like that commitment. He went all in on rocket knee. Yeah, I think that was the same scene. One of my favorite comedy lines was a between him and like the agenda Maroney, but he was like a I'm a black robot. And then she was like, I'm a black robot. And I know there was like dead silence and like off camera was like really in a really low tone. You could have one girl be like, That's racist
Yvette d'Entremont 53:19 sneaky little call I got the problem that good job perfect.
Alice Vaughn 53:24 Like is that in character for her? I mean that was definitely in character for Jenna Maroney character. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 53:29 so agree
Alice Vaughn 53:30 now here's where for me it didn't feel on character. Now we know Jenna Maroney will do quite a bit to boost her ratings and boost her role in the show. Sure. But what she fuck Frank?
Unknown Speaker 53:43 God, that's such a good question.
Alice Vaughn 53:45 I don't think so.
Dave Kinney 53:46 I think that if it was like if her entire career was on the line, like as a desperation, like in a scenario where no one could possibly find out about it. There are so many great jokes about like how desperate she was to be famous but like, even like this desperate to appear young, like, there's like certain talents like your hearing naturally deteriorates as you get older. So you can actually take a hearing test that can within a year or two basically pretty accurately tell you how old you are.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:11 Oh, yeah, it's like rings on a tree decibels you can't hear anymore.
Dave Kinney 54:16 That's a true thing in real life. But also they mentioned that on the show, and her character, every time like that sound was being played. She kept pretending like she was hearing it. But I mean, obviously, half the time the tone wasn't even being played. She's like, Oh, it's so it's allowed in my very young ears. Like it bothers me. They never did it on the show, but I feel like if that was a storyline where it was like she thought her whole career was in jeopardy and sleeping with Frank was the only way to save it.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:41 She'd be like, Where's the lib?
Dave Kinney 54:43 Yeah, not because she liked Frank. But that just that's how insane she was for that.
Alice Vaughn 54:47 Let's be honest, he could have just called you Dr. Freelander for this exact scene. I mean, they didn't have to go with a porn actor.
Dave Kinney 54:56 Yeah, I feel like maybe he doesn't do the movie but he's a very Least taking that meeting. Like, I feel like at the very least he's like, I'll hear you out.
Alice Vaughn 55:06 Well, also my other contention with this was, look, no one wants to see Frank. I have Well, it's sex and we had Well, it's sex with Frank.
Dave Kinney 55:17 We didn't need that. The next thing that we get to after this to Pete, I mean, that's what I said earlier about the choice of the guys that they had for sex. Like,
Alice Vaughn 55:25 oh, yeah, let's get into it.
Yvette d'Entremont 55:26 Yeah, they had options is what I'm saying here.
Alice Vaughn 55:31 We could have had Dr. Spock Chairman,
Dave Kinney 55:33 my choice if I could have chosen any sex scene from the show. 30 rock, cuz Pete sexy is a fantasy sexy. And I think the most obvious one is fantasy sexy in between Tina Fey and astronaut Mike Dexter. Yes. I mean, it's talks about it, but mostly fantasy scenarios. Like if you're gonna make a porn, like, That's the one. That's what you would put together convinent dude and an astronaut costume.
Alice Vaughn 55:56 You know, maybe he's just not as big of a deal. Character maybe and that's because he's such a side character. That's why I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 56:05 It's kind of obscure.
Alice Vaughn 56:06 But yeah, so, uh, Pete hornberger so he's apparently so pathetic and even in porn, he can't have real sex. Today, why don't you walk us through what's happening? Like, how do we get here?
Dave Kinney 56:19 That was actually a detail that I liked. Because I mean that that is kind of Pete's character on the show is that he's just this like, this guy with no confidence who just is like, just this kind of perpetual, like kind of loser, everyone's doormat. I think that that was a detail that I liked is that even? Even in the porn version, it's still just fantasy sex. But yeah, good. Like, it's that with the bald wig that they used for him.
Alice Vaughn 56:42 Oh, my God looked like they just took it off the shelf a Party City. They spared
Dave Kinney 56:45 no expense so bad. I just know. It wasn't though. It was also just those two characters. Ashley and Brooke playing Jenna Maroney and Amy Reed playing Tina's assistant in the show. Sorry. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, but the actress was playing those games. actors were perfect fits because they're kind of like a little bit of ditzy characters to begin with.
Alice Vaughn 57:05 What was great though is after the sex scene or the fantasy sex scene with peed, Cirie walks away, and a bunch of pens are dropped on the floor, yeah, not just one or two. It's like five,
Yvette d'Entremont 57:17 like five of them, throw them in front of her,
Alice Vaughn 57:21 but what I loved is there was a cameo from Manuel Ferrara.
Unknown Speaker 57:24 I did not notice how did I miss that?
Alice Vaughn 57:26 I can spot my Manuel Ferrara clearly you have
Yvette d'Entremont 57:30 like men will for our radar.
Unknown Speaker 57:33 Look, it's forever radar
Alice Vaughn 57:34 accurate. That's all I'm saying. It's accurate, like your policy perks up and it's
Unknown Speaker 57:37 like, listening. I know he's here somewhere.
Alice Vaughn 57:41 My gaydar it's off Manuel Ferrara dark, it's good.
Dave Kinney 57:45 Even the way that it led into like the fantasy sex like with Pete it was she was started to tell him a story because he's like, how did you get this job here? And her story starts with her dog dying. And like and then it like kind of like blurry. into the sex scene. And then when it blurs out and she's like, so I fucked it dude in an Armani suit, and that's how it happened. But you're like, I think she even like gave her dog a name, but it was just like, I think I enjoyed that. That was like what was triggering like this sexual fantasy for him. She's like, this dog who I really love died. He's like, a go on. Cool.
Yvette d'Entremont 58:24 I'd like to think this is just more proof that men zone out on women when they're talking and they're just staring at their tits and mentally masturbating. I'm storing this one into spank bank for later.
Dave Kinney 58:36 Oh, that sucks about your dog. She
Yvette d'Entremont 58:37 talks she jiggles.
Alice Vaughn 58:39 So speaking of people who mentally masturbate all the time, there's Danny, Liz's acts in the next scene.
Yvette d'Entremont 58:47 Played by James Jane Russia.
Unknown Speaker 58:48 He acted so well. He nailed that character.
Alice Vaughn 58:51 Yes, indeed. Hey, dummy. Danny, what are you doing here? We broke up months ago, killed yourself and it was out of service. So I busted beeper
Yvette d'Entremont 59:00 had more of a cell phone girl now.
Alice Vaughn 59:03 What are you kidding me? You're dating New York's Prince, a pagers, your beeper royalty. I'm not gonna have my princess cut with some clunky cell phone. Oh, like
Dave Kinney 59:12 a dead cell beepers on the show. And that was the thing of James Dean. Like, from the time he showed up, you're like, oh, he gets it. Like he just
Yvette d'Entremont 59:19 he knows the character is playing perfect.
Dave Kinney 59:22 So immediately people show up to film them having sex. And she's like, what's this all about? it? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it. What's the worst that could happen?
Yvette d'Entremont 59:31 Which like, and you see it half a day, like there's no way people show up to film someone having sex when they're in a TV show. And there's a TV studio there and there's not going to be a mix up.
Alice Vaughn 59:44 Yeah. Oh, oh, one quick thing before we move on to the finale. I did kind of really appreciate how desperate Liz is in the porn. Did you just call me princess? You know, you can be quite romantic sometimes. Does this mean we can Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:03 She was needing something
Alice Vaughn 1:00:04 heart of younger Alice was like relatable check.
Dave Kinney 1:00:09 Even the way he delivered that lead. So does this mean wicked bone was perfect?
Unknown Speaker 1:00:13 Yes. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:15 Someone threw me attention. Someone called me a nice name. Take it.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:20 I could use penis to latch on to at the moment. Oh, Liz, I feel your girl. We've all been there at some point. But post sex scene, so there is a mixup with the tapes. So Kenneth he takes the wrong tape before pre recorded seen. And apparently we see Liz lemon getting boned on network TV. And of course there's no consequences because we're in a porn. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:47 yeah, for some reason the FCC isn't contacted over this one.
Dave Kinney 1:00:52 I mean, to be fair, that's not the ending you want to a porn movie. It's a budget like FCC bureaucracy. There's like a hearing Like, well, that's not what I was,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:01 I feel that would interrupt the flow of action. You know, FCC trial. You don't want it, I want it.
Dave Kinney 1:01:08 The only way that they make that work is if they like, there's only one way you're gonna get out of paying these crazy fines.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:14 And then it's just hashtag realistic porn. And after the boss fucked around the desk, he had a huge metoo moment.
Dave Kinney 1:01:21 So up to the levels of parody on parody on parody. his actual NBC was a ton of sexual harassment at that time, because this is in 2009, when like Matt Lauer and a ton of other people were getting fired at NBC, which is where the show has that so it's like yeah, in a weird way, accidentally accurate
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:41 it's amazing looking back on some of this stuff from then and seeing Matt Lauer kind of trying to nail people's ask to the wall on their sexual harassment shit like months before his came out. Oh, yeah, like, Oh, man. Go away.
Alice Vaughn 1:01:54 I mean, come on. No one expected or rate button from him? Yeah, yeah.
Dave Kinney 1:02:00 That was next level horrible. I feel like the electrician who installed that has to be considered an accessory in that crime.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:07 Had to know like you don't get to the point where you've got to close the door just in case I feel like rapist sizing button without somebody knowing the word rape is like on the button and the dude's like some about this doesn't feel right I don't know.
Alice Vaughn 1:02:23 But um so jack applauds Liz for this epic mix up and kind of the pages just standing around and jack applauds him and says that if he continues you know doing this well that one day he'll make SR page and Q kennex Daydream do hemming send your page perfectly appropriate
Unknown Speaker 1:02:43 Mr. Page
Alice Vaughn 1:02:45 hashtag Pro. I don't care and he has to like the Leros.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:50 Yeah, he's got got the guns. He's got the me just he looks like bro. I don't
Alice Vaughn 1:02:54 care what you say. I loved it. Hello, my little flour tortillas. It was ridiculous. Amazing. Hey, if you don't consider that a panty dropper, I just don't know you as my co host anymore.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:07 You know, I didn't say it wasn't I just said it was a little ridiculous. Look, you turned me on and you're a little ridiculous Alice, so I never said it was bad.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:15 Fair enough. I think
Dave Kinney 1:03:17 that's like because that actor did such a good job as Ken and also because he was also like a little bit deli. Like what it then turned over to a sexy and I'm like, Oh shit, that dude's gonna get a sexy. And I was like, I was like, You know what? He's a good actor. He deserves it. Those girls are very pretty. And then other set of like, he blinks, and it just turns into like a hotter bore and shaped dude, in a weird way. I almost personally felt like cuckolded. Like, it was like, it's just also just so cruel. Like even in his own sexual fantasies. He's still getting like tagged out.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:47 It's true. It really is true. But yeah, I was really disappointed that Kenneth didn't get the sexy because we were all up amped. We were ready for like, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:57 this guy's finally being The nice guy in the real genuine nice guy. It's working out for him, at least in his fantasy now.
Dave Kinney 1:04:07 I mean, I laugh but it also was like, I was like, oh, given the
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:10 value, even in the stream.
Dave Kinney 1:04:13 I was thinking that because he's a real man. I was like, holy shit, this is good. The sexy good for him. Like, I mean, imagine on set because he was on set with the girls in that scene. And they're like, all right, bringing the guy who goes to the gym sometimes. And he's like, cool, guys. Have a good time. Remember to stay hydrated, like spraying the
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:33 guy who's got the spiked hair and wearing x. Ray.
Dave Kinney 1:04:37 What's up ladies? And he's like, have a good day, girls. You both look very pretty. Like
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:44 a good job of being a page just pass them off to the real stuff. Oh, brutal. It hurts.
Alice Vaughn 1:04:51 I mean, overall, with this film, I have to say that there was some great writing there was some shitty acting. And there were some okay sex scenes, and Guess that's the best we can expect from a porn parody. Sometimes
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:04 there are some decent acting too. There's some really funny stuff in there.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:07 Yeah, I mean, the tracy morgan character. I feel like we're all like in agreement here just nailed it. Agreed. So final thoughts. I think
Dave Kinney 1:05:15 from a writing standpoint, it's probably got to be the highest level of writing. So I think to parody it in to try to do that kind of humor is hard, even if you brought in writers who actually have written on other TV shows, and ask them to do like a 30 rock style show. I mean, that is the hardest difficulty level of stuff to parody. I think all things considered. Tracy Morgan crushed it, or the guy who played him. That Kenda pain crushed it. I thought the Alec Baldwin, I think he got the voice right. But just the way he played the character was really different. Lisa and who I've seen and a ton of other stuff, again, and especially finding out that she was a huge fan of 30 rock. So it was like something that she had put a lot of time and thought and effort into. It was just strange because I feel like If she just acted the way she does and just other normal porn stuff, I think that would have even been better than like what she went with. Like it was like she put in all this effort, but it was like kind of going the wrong direction. I think overall, like, I'm just amazed that this exists. I'm amazed that there's a porn version of Judah Friedlander out there
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:17 there is a porn version of everything and if it doesn't exist yet, it's going to soon
Alice Vaughn 1:06:24 yeah, we already know there's going to be a porn version of the show a few years from now.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:28 It's fine on a will they won't they will be answered.
Dave Kinney 1:06:32 I think it's challenging because it's recorded remotely. I think that makes the the porn version of it a little bit more challenging.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:38 Alice is coming out here in like a week which is wicked exciting
Alice Vaughn 1:06:42 and sir we had a whole episode on intellijel tonics
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:47 technology and she can she can fuck me from really far away. It's impressive gets a lot less messy that way. I like to think it is the way to make fun without STDs with guaranteed No STDs, the safest sex
Alice Vaughn 1:07:02 latency issue and the calls to India though for customer service are not fun. Ma'am, have you tried restarting your dildo?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:10 Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again that's the problem is not turning me on set.
Alice Vaughn 1:07:15 So Dave, where can our listeners find you?
Dave Kinney 1:07:19 The easiest way is Twitter at David Kenny. And yeah, I'm always doing shows around the city I've normally posted on my Twitter account. Yeah, just stand up. And if you're specifically also a dolphins fan, or just enjoy hearing the made fun of the podcast is called saving the dolphins
Alice Vaughn 1:07:38 awesome and we will link to that in the show notes. By the way you guys can find us individually at the Sybase on Twitter and at rational blonde but you guys can find all things related to the show@patreon.com slash two girls one Mike or just two girls when Mike calm. Come hang out with us support us there. That's how we can pay for some awesome audio editing and To get more fantastic guests on, event anything else, y'all can find me over@facebook.com slash sy babe where I'm being snarky and sciency mostly snarky Alice anywhere else where people can find you. I think they can find me staring at the reviews on iTunes so you guys need to write more of them. Yes.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:19 Those make us very happy and a little horny,
Alice Vaughn 1:08:21 arguably.
Guys, thanks for tuning in this week. We'll catch you next week. Bye bye
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
08 Apr 2020
#82- How Cum
01:13:44
Alice & Yvette are joined by comedian and host of "How Cum" podcast, Remy Kassimir (@RemyKassimir). The trio discuss what to do if you've never experienced the big O and review the porn version of the hit 90's movie Clueless...Cumless.
Alice & Yvette tackle the puntastic wizzarding world of Whorrey Potter. A young gay man, Whorrey, is taken to the wizard academy by his joyful drag queen guardian, Fag Hagrid. There he befriends two male students, Himmione and Ron. They try to steal the balls of a feared evil wizard...He Who Must Not Be Laid.
Enhance your understanding of Two Girls One Mic: The Porncast with My Podcast Data
At My Podcast Data, we strive to provide in-depth, data-driven insights into the world of podcasts. Whether you're an avid listener, a podcast creator, or a researcher, the detailed statistics and analyses we offer can help you better understand the performance and trends of Two Girls One Mic: The Porncast. From episode frequency and shared links to RSS feed health, our goal is to empower you with the knowledge you need to stay informed and make the most of your podcasting experience. Explore more shows and discover the data that drives the podcast industry.
