The Allender Center Podcast (The Allender Center | Dr. Dan Allender)

When confronting spiritual abuse, it can feel more straightforward to focus on a specific person or leader who may have caused harm.

But it’s also important to address the systems and cultural contexts that, in their most obvious forms, promote abuse—and in their more subtle forms, allow it to happen or refuse to confront it.

In this episode, Dan and Rachael dive into the painful realities of spiritual abuse and the systems that uphold it.

They explore how cultural powers—such as patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism, and purity culture—often intertwine with Christian theology, creating harmful environments that distort our understanding of God and faith. And yet, even in the face of this, there is a call to confront our complicity in these systems with grace and humility. 

We hope this conversation is an invitation to wrestle with and address how we've been shaped by harmful cultures and systems and how we may have participated in them – and ultimately, to consider how we can step into a more loving, just, and merciful understanding of God and community.

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We invite you to explore the brand-new Spiritual Abuse & Healing Online Course from the Allender Center.

This 6-lesson course, complete with reflective practices and deep dive panel discussions, helps you engage your body, mind, and spirit as you unpack the harm caused by spiritual abuse.

Whether you’re just beginning to wake up to this reality or have been on a healing journey for years, this course provides a safe and welcoming space to deepen your understanding and work towards healing.

Learn more and enroll today at:
theallendercenter.org/online-courses

Artists, creatives, and music lovers, join us in welcoming special guests, Daniel and Lauren Goans, the musical duo who make Lowland Hum. 

In their chat with Dan and Rachael, Daniel and Lauren share a bit of their stories as creatives, talking about their life as artists, their journey of creating music, and the changes they experienced after becoming parents. They reflect on the mysterious and healing nature of singing and songwriting, how music comes through them, and the importance of being present in the moment.

The conversation also examines the significance of the passage from Ephesians chapter five, focusing on the invitation to be engaged and connected with oneself and with others, rather than solely pursuing a disembodied spiritual practice. 

Join us for “The Spirituality of Song” as we explore the artistic journey, some of the complexities of transitioning into new life stages, and the transformative nature of music and the creative process.

In this episode of the Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Rachael open up about navigating uncertain times with faith and intentionality. 

They recorded this conversation before the results of the U.S. Presidential election were announced so that, no matter the outcome, they could focus on what it means to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly in today’s world. 

As they examine both the cultural landscape and the state of their own hearts, we invite you to listen and join them in reflecting on what it looks like to live with purpose and compassion — even when the future feels unknown.

“American Gospel” (Jon Guerra, 2024), used with permission. You can hear more from Jon at jonguerramusic.com.

Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about the holidays by discussing the deep sense of disappointment that so often leads to conflict.

We are thrilled to welcome back podcast co-host Rachael Clinton Chen, who is returning to us from maternity leave! In this conversation with Dan, Rachael catches us up on life as a new mother, her experiences with labor and the first few months, and her observations on the incredible burdens that women bear. If you are a parent or caregiver, we think this episode will be especially relatable, but we hope that all who listen will walk away with a renewed sense of the awe, terror, and joy of the responsibility of caring for those who are most vulnerable in our lives.

Congratulations Rachael, Michael, and family on your precious blessing, and welcome Evelyn Grace!

As we near the close of the year, Dan and Becky Allender are continuing a podcast tradition: sitting down to reflect on their experiences and inviting you, our listeners, to join them in this meaningful practice.

Dan and Becky share their own reflections—what they’ve learned, what they’re grieving, and what they’re celebrating—as they prepare to transition into a new season.

They’ve also shared a few practical ways you can reflect on your year:

• Scroll through your photo gallery. Notice the moments that brought you joy, growth, or even challenge.

• Review your calendar. Whether you logged your events in a digital calendar or on paper, look back on events and milestones from each month. Do you notice any themes?
  
  Choose five words. If you could describe your year in just five words, what would they be?

We hope you’ll take a moment as we close out the year to pause, reflect, and dream for what’s to come.

This week, we’re sifting through some of the "debris" that can hinder people from moving into the healing process in the wake of sexual abuse. 

Dan and Rachael talk about some of the questions that can keep people feeling stuck and silent: What if I don’t remember everything? What if my healing journey affects my loved ones? Shouldn’t I just forgive and move on? Can I wait until life isn’t so busy? What if facing this feels overwhelming?

By acknowledging these barriers, you can start to see a way through. Next week, we’ll discuss what’s needed to begin the healing journey from past abuse.

Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and childhood sexual abuse, and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Listener Resources:

• Explore more podcast episodes including: "The Cost of Engaging Stories of Sexual Abuse," "Connections Between Spiritual and Sexual Abuse," and "Bearing Witness to Stories of Sexual Abuse and Racial Trauma."

• Read: Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender

• Sign up for the Healing the Wounded Heart Online Course from the Allender Center

How did we get here? In our divided nation - and in our fragmenting churches - fear and hatred are running rampant. 

This week, Dan Allender speaks with Pete Wehner, who is an in-residence Senior Fellow at The Trinity Forum, an author, and a contributor to publications such as the New York Times and The Atlantic. Their conversation is an invitation to those of us within the body of Christ to consider the factors that influence our own stories, our faith, our political views, and our relationships with others.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender continues to talk with his good friend, John Eldredge, about their upcoming Restoration of the Heart conference, March 4-5 in Colorado Springs. Be sure to check out the first part of this conversation if you missed it.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, in part two of our Marriage series, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue to talk about what it looks like to leave our families of origin and grow in love and loyalty for one another.

This week’s conversation dives into a difficult but essential topic: addressing past experiences of sexual abuse. We understand the weightiness of this subject and approach it with sensitivity and care. At the Allender Center, this work is central to our mission, and while it's undeniably challenging, we've also witnessed its profound goodness. Our journey toward healing doesn't involve bypassing the pain but rather moving through it.

Dan and Rachael navigate the complexities of addressing sexual abuse, acknowledging the costs - both internal and external - that survivors face. They compassionately explore the impact trauma has on the body, relationships, and spirituality. Rachael eloquently expresses the intricate nature of this process, recognizing the need to navigate the debris of past harm while holding space for the potential for growth and beauty.

The conversation extends to the ripple effects on relationships, including disruptions within familial, marital, and friendship dynamics. Dan emphasizes the importance of having supportive allies who understand the complexities of the healing journey, even as it may challenge existing relational dynamics.

In the spiritual realm, Rachael and Dan delve into the complexities of wrestling with faith in the aftermath of sexual abuse. They bravely confront questions and doubts about God's role in suffering while also acknowledging the possibility of deepened intimacy and connection with the divine.

We invite you to find solace, insights, and encouragement in this discussion. We recognize the immense courage it takes to embark on a journey of healing and restoration. It is our firm belief that it's possible to reclaim your identity and discover hope amidst the pain.

Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and childhood sexual abuse, as well as brief explicit language that may be offensive to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on loneliness by discussing how the journey away from the shame of disconnection begins with an act of confession.

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.

We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel. 

Listener Resources

• Learn more about The Impact Movement

Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

This week, Dan Allender continues a series about the nature of wisdom by discussing the opposing category of foolishness. Dan invites us to pursue wisdom by being open to instruction, willing to learn from our mistakes, and devoted to kindness and care for others.

As we continue through the season of Advent, this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast invites you to linger in the profound mystery of light and darkness found in John 1. 

Dan and Rachael reflect on the richness of this passage, offering insights into the paradox of the light that reveals all yet remains unseen by many.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4-5)

Through their conversation, Dan and Rachael explore 

• why arrogance and dogmatism can obscure even the brightest of truths,

• how Jesus, the true light, shattered societal and religious expectations of power and hierarchy, and 

• what it means to embody vulnerability and hope in a world steeped in exploitation and suffering.

With honesty and humility, they wrestle with the ways we — individually and collectively — can miss the light of Christ in our midst. Yet, we’re also reminded of the profound hope of the Word made flesh, dwelling among us still.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton discuss how spiritual abuse shames and manipulates our bodies, often forcing us to dissociate and split off the parts of us that are wise and kind and curious.

Let’s talk about gaslighting — a manipulation tactic that seeks to distort reality and erode one's sense of self. In this episode, Dan and Rachael dissect the mechanics of gaslighting, from its manifestation in personal relationships to its insidious presence within larger structures and societal frameworks.

Gaslighting operates in the shadows, a subtle and insidious act that can be challenging to spot and break free from. 

Our hope is that this conversation will not only help you identify instances of gaslighting but also shed light on the path toward profound healing. 

As you anticipate and prepare for your holiday feast, we invite you to pull up a seat at our table to discuss the rich sensuality of the aromas, flavors, and sounds that are embedded in the festive season. 

Joining us for this discussion is Lauren Peiser, the Manager of Partnerships at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Today, however, we affectionately dub her our "resident gastronomist" on account of her passion for the enjoyment of good food and drink.

This conversation not only explores the pleasure of a good meal but also delves into the theological aspects of the table and our relationship with food, drink, and the company of others.

We hope you enjoy this delightful conversation as much as we did. Merry Christmas, friends.

As we continue to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of The Allender Center, we have two special guests from The Allender Center team joining Dan and Rachel this week: Linda Royster from the Training and Pastoral Team, and Sam Lee, the Director of Facilitator Development.

Linda and Sam candidly share their experiences as BIPOC leaders on The Allender Center team pursuing the work of defining and healing trauma.

Dan is joined by Dr. Steve Call, whose new book shares key findings from Steve’s years of experience helping couples reconnect. Together Steve and Dan explore the hurt and shame that must be addressed if we hope to cultivate meaningful connection.

This week, Dan shares his second recommendation for essential summer reading: Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson, a book that shines light into some of the darkest realities of our nation’s systems of racism and injustice.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, conclude our series about the realities of spiritual warfare by talking about what it actually looks like for us to engage in warfare. A holistic understanding of spiritual warfare is about more than prayer alone, inviting us join others in community as we care for our bodies, participate in rituals, grieve deeply, wrestle with our stories, and bring our entire, embodied selves into the ongoing work of the kingdom of God.

This month, we're bringing back three of our most popular conversations from last year, featuring some incredible guests. Whether you've heard them before or not, we invite you to listen, reflect, and perhaps share them with a friend.

This episode in our summer replay series is a conversation with the amazing Marcie Alvis Walker. You may know Marcie’s work from her popular Instagram feed, Black Coffee with White Friends, or her Black-Eyed Stories on Substack. Co-hosted by Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster, this conversation focuses on Marcie’s memoir, “Everybody Come Alive,” where she reflects on the imprint of God, race, and gender growing up in the 70s and 80s.

Listener Resources:

• Pick up your copy of Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays by Marcie Alvis Walker here.
• Listen to more episodes on the topic of spiritual abuse and healing on this curated Spotify playlist: Podcasts on Racial Trauma & Healing.
• Read the full transcript of this episode as it originally aired in July 2023.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender launches a new series on a topic that cuts to the very quick of our being and identity: failure. No one can escape failure, and yet there is a need for a better way to address our failures. Using a personal story, Da

This week, Dan continues his conversation with professor Nancy Kane about the work of spiritual formation. Nancy shares about the deep change she has seen in those who dare go beyond a Sunday morning faith.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender wrestles with the category of ambivalence: that feeling of being stuck that comes when we find ourselves moving in two different directions without actually moving at all. We see this ambivalence whenever we launch a new offering, like the Healing the Wounded Heart online course, as people wrestle with the reality that the movement toward restoration will lead them first through stories of heartache and harm. Dan invites us to consider how we might engage that ambivalence with courage, kindness, and integrity.

This week, Dan Allender launches a new series all about the pursuit of wisdom in a culture that is so often marked by foolish arguments and accusations. Dan looks at Biblical stories of King David and Jesus to introduce the concept of wisdom as an artistic, imaginative, and physical quality that equips us to foster beauty out of the binds of our world.

Story is how we make meaning as humans. Stories help us shape our identity and influence our perception of God. Our stories also are revelatory; they reveal something of the nature of God in a way that nothing else does. 

If you’re curious about why we talk so much about story here at the Allender Center - or if you’ve heard it before and need a gentle reminder - this episode will help you reflect on the role of story and how your story connects with the story of God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in the fourth and final quadrant, which he describes as the most chaotic and volatile category—meaning marriages in Quadrant Four are easy to write off as hopeless. What does it look like to work with such a chaotic marriage in the hope of restoration? For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

From gardening to cooking, acting to playing an instrument, building to writing, painting, and more – there's a profound connection between creativity and the spirituality of crafting. The act of making, building, and tending to something carries a healing and integrating power to our bodies, minds, and souls.

In this episode, we are thrilled to have Melissa Dowell and Jordan Dowell as our special guests. Melissa, not only the Allender Center's Product Development Manager but also a talented theater actor, and her husband Jordan Dowell, a graduate of The Seattle School, an exceptional fine furniture maker, and the founder of This Is Urban Made. 

Joining Dan and Rachael, this creative couple discuss their creative processes and explore the profound beauty, risk, and fulfillment that can come with engaging in our respective crafts. 

Do you have a craft that resonates with you? If not, don't worry! Tune in to this episode and perhaps this conversation will inspire you to uncover the craft that may be hidden within your own life.

Dan invites us to see and to name the beauty in our lives, the parts of our stories that reflect the light and goodness of God. Knowing and telling our stories means finding the beauty and inviting others to share it. And we cannot talk about this without talking about worship, which is our response—in awe and gratitude—to the beauty and goodness of God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a four-part conversation with Lauren Bethell of the International Christian Alliance on Prostitution. Lauren shares how the fight against sex trafficking has grown exponentially in recent years, and she and Dan talk about what it means to step into your true calling, in a way that shapes the rest of your life.

This week, Dan Allender continues reflecting on his upcoming book, Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation. The new book is a 25-year retrospective about everything Dan has learned working with sexually abused men and women since publishing his first book, The Wounded Heart. In last week’s podcast, Dan talked about the openness and honor with which he hopes readers will approach Healing the Wounded Heart. This week, he reflects on evil’s intent to turn us into orphans, widows, and strangers through the harm that we have endured.

How do I trust my memory? What if the way I remember an event is not what really happened? It’s a legitimate question, even a kind and righteous question, says Dan, rooted in a desire to know and tell the truth.

When we examine the far-reaching impact of spiritual abuse, it becomes evident that it transcends isolated incidents, permeating a broader culture, system, and ideology that inflict harm.

In this week's episode, Rachael engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Joel Kiekintveld, a pastor and Adjunct Professor at The Seattle School, shedding light on the intricate dynamics of systems and cultures that foster spiritually abusive environments.

Joel recently hosted Season 4 of Transforming Engagement, the Podcast, called "Church After Mars Hill," in response to the widely popular podcast, “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill.” Through their series of conversations, Joel and his guests not only examine Mars Hill Church as a case study to identify the systems, cultures, and leadership structures that contributed to its downfall, but they also create a space for introspection and imagination for what can be done with these lessons learned. In the aftermath of the destruction wrought by spiritually abusive church cultures, their dialogues explore the delicate tension between deconstruction and rebuilding.

We hope you enjoy this conversation and also check out “Church After Mars Hill,” the full season of Transforming Engagement, the Podcast, at transformingengagement.org/podcast 

Dan Allender talks with therapist and author Andrew Bauman about his new book, Stumbling Toward Wholeness, and about the movement through shame and self-righteousness to kindness.

In this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast, Linda Royster and Wendell Moss lead a profound discussion on the intricate dynamics of trauma, resilience, and the transformative role of community healing, particularly in the context of racial trauma.

They discuss the profound impact of both personal and collective trauma, recognizing its reverberations across communities. They highlight the importance of not just surviving, but actively processing and learning from one's experiences. Conversely, they discuss how unhealthier forms of resilience, such as avoidance or denial of one's trauma, may actually impede the healing process.

A poignant theme emerges as they emphasize the significance of facing one's story with courage and vulnerability, rather than turning away from it. They point out that resilience is not merely surviving but actively engaging with one's narrative and inviting others into that process.

If you’d like to hear more from Linda and Wendell, we invite you to explore the Racial Trauma & Healing offerings from the Allender Center at theallendercenter.org/racial-trauma-and-healing . There you’ll find a free informational video series and details about our upcoming Story Workshop for Racial Trauma & Healing and our new Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma & Healing, both happening this spring.

Join Rachael and Dan in this podcast episode along with Jill Dyer, Facilitator Care Coordinator at the Allender Center, to delve into the transformative power of prayer as a part of the healing journey and connecting with God and ourselves amidst harm and trauma.

We understand that the thought of prayer can evoke different reactions. While it may bring comfort to some, it could also trigger further trauma and avoidance for others. 

With this in mind, this discussion explores various forms of prayer that authentically emerge from within, going beyond structured words and embracing our embodied expressions of prayer. Jill shares how prayers can take many forms, from expressions of laughter to heartfelt laments, all of which can be powerful ways to connect with God. 

The conversation also delves into the importance of attachment with God and how prayer can aid in repairing and deepening that connection. Join us in considering the profound impact of prayer on the journey towards healing and growth.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the realities of grief and loss, particularly in the context of the devastation of miscarriages and infertility. Jeanette vulnerably shares about her war with hope and desire in the midst of such tremendous pain.

This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on their summer experiences to glean wisdom as they prepare to move into the fall. During their conversation, they ponder some helpful questions. How should we approach transition? Why does God invite us to reinvent our plans? What have we gained from our last season that we can bring to the next?

As an adult child, you have a very different relationship with your parents than you did in your youth. If we are given the privilege of having a relationship with our parents as they age, how does that relationship evolve in order for us to engage with them and care for them? 

Listen as Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen speak from their generational perspectives about the relationship between adult children and their parents throughout the aging process.

This week, Wendell Moss continues his conversation with Sam Eldredge, originally recorded for the podcast from And Sons Magazine in Colorado.

Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel continue their conversation about The Tale, a stunning new film that raises crucial questions about arousal, contempt, and the necessity of telling our stories of trauma and abuse.

We’re pleased to welcome Sue Cunningham back for another episode this week.

You’re in for a treat: Sue shares one of her poems, “Mary and Michelangelo.” She and Dan reflect both on the poem itself and on the creative interpretation process that readers or listeners may have as well.

Picking up on the episode from last week, today you’ll hear the second half of a conversation on food and our bodies featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD. They discuss a range of topics from the connection between desire, shame, and food, to how we can heal our relationship with food and our bodies. And, as you listen, remember that no matter where you are at in your journey with food or in this season of heightened stress, it is never too late to “turn back to kindness.”

Listener Resources:

Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling

Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Center

Read an interview with Matt and Diane about Redeeming Food & Body

This week, Dr. J. Derek McNeil, the president of The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, engages in a candid dialogue with Dr. Dan Allender, exploring the multifaceted challenges of leading in today's turbulent times.

Whether you hold a formal leadership role or not, this conversation speaks to the universal nature of leadership. Whether as a parent, grandparent, or friend, each of us has a level of influence on others and grapples with the burden of providing guidance amid uncertainty.

The conversation explores the tension between agency and dependence, and the balancing act of taking action and surrendering to a larger divine plan. 

Derek candidly shares his journey, grappling with the uncertainties of life while prioritizing his mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Drawing from his upbringing and faith tradition, he finds solace in scripture, particularly Jeremiah 29:11, during moments of uncertainty and despair. His emphasis on cultivating a support system and fostering collaboration underscores the importance of community in leadership roles.

As you engage with this conversation between two insightful leaders, we hope it deepens your understanding of the complexities of leadership and sparks a sense of renewed hope amid life's uncertainties.

Abby Wong-Heffter and Derek McNeil sit down for a conversation that leads them to discussing the realities of trauma and the hope to live a more integrated life.

Happy New Year! As we close out 2022, Dan and Becky Allender sit down to reflect about the things they learned this year and what they wish to bring with them as they go into the new year.

Listeners and friends, thank you for listening to the Allender Center Podcast this year. We are grateful every time you press “play,” and are thankful for all of your comments, feedback, and encouragement. We look forward to meeting you here again in the new year with new episodes! 

To celebrate the forthcoming release of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, co-authored by Dan Allender and Steve Call, Dan and Becky Allender reflect on their own marriage story — its unique dynamics, the challenges they’ve faced, and the redemptive journey they’ve walked together. 

They open up about how their family-of-origin stories shaped their relationship in ways they didn’t initially realize and the intentional work it took to build new, healthier ways of connecting, particularly over the past decade.

Whether you’re married, dating, or reflecting on other relationships in your life, we think Dan and Becky’s vulnerability and hard-earned insights will resonate with anyone who has felt stuck in a pattern or wondered how to move forward toward healing. Their story is a powerful reminder that meaningful growth takes time, courage, kindness, and the willingness to engage your stories — together.

Be sure to get your copy of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, available here on Amazon or at your favorite bookseller on January 21, 2025.

Dan Allender continues our Family of Origin series by discussing the importance of engaging both large, historic patterns and the minute details of particular stories.

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, continue their conversation on the dynamics and fallout of spiritual abuse. Rachael vulnerably shares more of her own story to help unpack the betrayal, loss of trust, and deep shame that come when corrupt leadership is seen as the voice of God in a community.

On last week’s podcast, Dan Allender responded to a listener question about leaving and cleaving in dating relationships. This week’s question, one that will take two weeks to explore, will likely be familiar to many of us: “As I work deeper into my story, how can I honor my own heart, and my spouse, when he or she is not willing to engage his or her own story and suffering?” Before we can look at all of the implications that are packed in that one painful question, it is necessary to look at another question: “What does it mean to engage in story?”

As we wrap up our conversation about how delight allows us to approach decisions with a greater sense of awe and gratitude, Dan Allender reminds us that true delight is about so much more than easy, temporary pleasure.

To close this series on the Incarnation, Dan invites listeners to consider how our own giving of gifts around Christmastime is reflected in the creativity and gift of the Incarnation.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue discussing the experience of not doing well, exploring the movement toward doing well even in the midst of circumstances that are still unwell.

We’re back with Curt Thompson, MD, to talk about hope.

Have you ever wondered how to summon hope when everything seems bleak? Is hope a fleeting notion or something we can truly cultivate?

Hope, like faith and love, is not just an abstraction, but a skill we can nurture. It's a profound practice that finds its home in both our minds and bodies.

Curt shares: “The things that I pay attention to on purpose, I remember. And what I remember becomes my anticipated future. Hope is a function of the mind that addresses the future. And this is what I mean when I say hope is a thing that I form by paying attention to the glory that is offered to me in the middle of my pain, in the present moment. And it requires lots and lots of practice, but it then is not like, ‘Oh, maybe I'll have hope. I hope I have hope.’ It's a thing that I maybe I won't like. And so… I'm going to have to practice.” 

We thrive on shared experiences of hope within a community. Even a brief 3-minute interaction can spark the daring prospect of relying on another person. Our communal practice etches hope into our brain's pathways, grounding it in the way we engage with one another. Although personal introspection has its place, the true growth of hope blossoms within the context of human connection.

Tune in to this thought-provoking dialogue as we explore the intricacies of cultivating hope and the transformative power of embracing it together.

As you listen, we’d be honored if you shared this episode with someone else, too!

theallendercenter.org/podcast

Trauma is inevitable in a fallen world. It can range from small "t" traumas to capital "T" traumas, but the common thread is the violation of your dignity as a human being. 

If trauma is inevitable, this means we are all encountering stories of trauma every day - in our own lives and in the lives of those around us.

So what are we to do when someone we love or care for is hurting? You might find yourself saying, "I'm so sorry to hear that," but often, it feels like you're not doing enough to truly help.

To make a real difference, we must begin by gaining a deeper understanding of the impact of trauma and abuse, starting with our own experiences.

If today's conversation strikes a chord with you and you're ready to explore your own trauma stories to better support others with courage and care, we invite you to check out the newly launched Effective Trauma Care Online Course.

For more information, visit theallendercenter.org/online-courses

This week, Dan is joined by Cathy Loerzel and Rachael Clinton. The three discuss the importance of community in the healing process and reflect upon ways in which community has benefited past “semester tribe” participants in our Healing the Wounded Heart online course. They take time to review three specific groups of people who would benefit from this kind of community experience and outline what participants gain as a result of hearing others’ stories and letting their own stories be known.

This week, Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, to begin a three-part conversation on the dynamics and fallout of spiritual abuse. Dan and Rachael discuss the pervasive and insidious realities of systems that use power to control and divide, fragmenting the beauty of a community that bears God’s name.

This week, Dan shares about the upcoming film A Story Worth Living, which will be released on May 19 for a special, one-night event across the country. The film documents a backcountry motorcycle adventure Dan participated in last summer, inviting us to pursue the kind of adventure that crafts a more meaningful story and reveals the character of God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender returns to a series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious stories of four characters in the Old Testament: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan invites us to consider the story of Jeremiah, whose life leads us to wonder what it means to be a prophet, to wrestle with a world of extreme complexity, and ultimately, to recognize the cost of following God’s calling in our lives.

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen talk with Heather Stringer about her creative process of stepping into a moment in someone’s story in order to create a ritual. Heather invites us to pause, gather a few items, and participate in a special ritual to account for the past few days and to ask: How do I need to move toward myself during this time?

Resources:

Visit Heather Stringer’s website to learn more about her practice of ritual-making.

Over the past few weeks on the podcast we’ve talked about grief on a more personal level in our lives, but we also recognize we’re in the midst of an unrelenting season of trauma and grief on a collective scale. So today, Dan and Rachael invite guests Danielle Castillejo, Rebecca Wheeler Walston, and Rev. Michael S. Chen to the podcast to continue a conversation about the nature and impact of collective grief. As you’ll hear Dan say, you may not see how your story fits into this conversation, but “part of the development of wisdom is to enter a world we may not be familiar with” and we encourage you to be open to hearing the wise words these guests have to share.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Danielle Castillejo “Emergency Mental Health Care: How Therapists of Color Contend with Racial Trauma”

*Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and sexual activity, and is intended for adult audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.*

Linda Royster and Sue Cunningham join Dan Allender to discuss the transformative impact of Recovery Weeks. 

Recovery Week is a holistic experience designed to create a relational, healing space for survivors to explore and engage the impact of their stories of sexual abuse. The Allender Center offers a Men’s Recovery Week, a Women’s Recovery Week, and a Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma & Healing for Women of Color.

With extensive involvement in Women’s Recovery Weeks for many years, Linda and Sue, along with Vanessa Sadler, are leading this year’s inaugural Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma and Healing.

Reflecting on her initial experience as the sole Woman of Color in attendance, Linda shares how profoundly impactful the healing experience was, sparking her desire to create a dedicated space addressing the intersectionality of sexual abuse and racial trauma for Women of Color.

An important aspect of this Recovery Week is the acknowledgment of how women of color may carry the shame of trauma differently. Linda emphasizes understanding the reality of identity and how it informs the response to the harm suffered within both the community and the larger context. This unique identity informs questions about whether care will be available and whether spaces will be made accessible for women who hold certain identities. This aspect of the work during the Recovery Week aims to recognize and honor these differences, ensuring that care is accessible and tailored to the needs of Women of Color.

For those curious about the essence of a Recovery Week, this episode offers a glimpse into the healing processes and profound connections forged during these events.

You’ll hear firsthand about how participants engage in intimate conversations exploring their healing journey, confronting the challenges of shame and betrayal, and celebrating the beauty of finding belonging and mutual support through bearing witness to each other's stories.

If you’d like more information about Recovery Weeks with the Allender Center, please visit theallendercenter.org/workshops.

Dan shares his post-reunion reflections, marveling about how returning to specific faces, names, and places of our lives can offer a taste of restoration.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender dive into the dynamics of hospitality and what it means to be a good guest or host. As we visit the homes of others, how can we enter their world with gratitude, humility, and delight?

This week, Dan and Becky Allender talk about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. Becky shares about her writing process and about finding the courage to step from a lifetime of hiding into a beautiful and compelling new story.

On this week’s podcast, Dan introduces a series on the role of trauma in the context of the local church. He offers three overall categories for trauma, arguing that it is far more widespread than many acknowledge, then discusses the body’s telltale responses to traumatic events. What would it look like for our churches to exist as communities of priests, prophets, kings, and queens who are aware of the pervasive, devastating nature of trauma and who offer hospitality, healing, and the possibility of redemption? “Hospitality is the core of what the community of God brings,” says Dan—“inviting people to goodness, to a feast, to sustenance, to solace, to healing.”

This week, Dan begins a series on the subject of dealing with difficult people. He first outlines the four major categories of difficult people in our lives. He then reviews contexts in which we will need to deal with such people and suggests that we should reach for a better goal than simply boiling over in confrontation or escaping a difficult person altogether.

Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing triangulation in family of origin, and remind us that no matter how deep the harm, and no matter how costly the healing, our stories are not yet done being written.

You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, “It is time to listen to your story.”

What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting on—and engaging—the experiences in your growing-up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has.

These are the topics that Dan Allender, Cathy Loerzel, and Adam Young explore in today’s bonus podcast episode, which is a co-production between The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast and the Allender Center Podcast.

If you want to experience more of the healing power of understanding your own story, join Adam, Cathy, and Dan in Atlanta, GA, on Saturday, February 3, 2024, for the StoryWork Conference. In-person and livestream tickets are available. CEU’s are also available for therapists.

🎫 Register at adamyoungcounseling.com

Dan begins a series about the connection between gratitude and repentance. Thanksgiving is not often thought of as a holiday for repentance, however, gratitude and repentance are reflections of one another.

Dan engages four remaining questions that he often hears from people interested in working with their own stories, particularly through one of our Story Workshops.

“Can you be faithful with the small?” 

-Dr. Dan Allender

As we enter a fall that is full of complexity, we’re going to be having conversations over the next few weeks on the topic of marriage. Before we dive in, however, we want to emphasize that this is a series for everyone—whether you are single, about to be married, just married, or have been married for a long time. Today, you’ll hear Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the elements of disruption they have been experiencing in their own lives and marriage, what spending more time together exposes in their relationship, and what they continue to learn about one another during this season of deep change and growth. 

Resources:

• Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020
• Listen to a podcast episode with Dr. Steve Call, “Connection in Marriage During a Pandemic”
• Listen to the “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic” podcast series

Read the blog post “Dance with Me” by Robyn Whitaker

This week, Dan continues his conversation with the band Lowland Hum. Lauren and Daniel Goans share about their songwriting process, and they talk with Dan about the haunting and holy privilege of creating music that reflects something of the nature of God.

This week, Rachael Clinton continues her conversation about Black Panther with Teaching Staff member Wendell Moss and Michael Thornhill of the Coalition for Christian Outreach. Rachael, Wendell, and Michael talk about Erik Killmonger, a complex and compelling character who has much to teach us about collective trauma and systemic harm.

In this episode, Rachael and Dan continue a series about attachment; how our earliest relationships impact who we come to be. Throughout their conversation you’ll hear attributes of secure attachment, how our brains are wired for attachment, and the three categories of insecure attachment and how they affect our styles of relating.

As a nation the United States is in the midst of great uncertainty, and Dan and Rachael took time to reflect together on what is a contentious and divisive election and the fear it generates for many. What does it mean, Dan asks, to live faithfully in the context of not being bound to one party or another, but to live out our calling as members of God’s kingdom in the midst of this uncertainty?

In the third and final episode in our “Replay and Rest” series, we’ll revisit a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender as they reflect on the profound depths of rest we are invited to in Psalm 131.

We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are choosing to re-air three popular past episodes that center around the theme of rest this month. Even if you have heard these before, we hope that you will take the time to listen, reflect, and purposely make space for rest in your own life.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender kick off a three-part series on loneliness. They begin by wrestling with some of the differences between sporadic, situational loneliness and chronic, existential loneliness.

As we enter a new year, Dan and Becky Allender address the issue of regret, and how so often our regret inhibits us from reflecting on the past.

Dan and Becky Allender wrestle with some of the obstacles and demands that often keep us from engaging in play, or that relegate it to an afterthought or addendum to the rest of our lives.

So far in The Allender Center Podcast’s Design of Desire series, Dan has discussed the war against desire and the idea that God-given desire fosters creativity. On this week’s podcast, Dan continues the series by confronting the idea that not all of our desires are healthy. How does God deal with conflicted desires that are deeply legitimate at times and that, other times, swing into madness?

So much of our beauty and brokenness — so much of what makes us who we are today — is tied to our family of origin. 

The ways in which we act, react, and interact with others are directly tied to our childhood origin stories and the hurt that we all inevitably experienced – no matter how perfect (or imperfect) our families were.

Why should we spend time going back to name the hurt we experienced growing up? Is it worth it to stir up those memories, talk about painful experiences, and potentially upset our loved ones? 

Dr. Dan Allender and Adam Young, LCSW, MDiv, candidly share their own personal experiences of courageously engaging their parents in conversations and, over time, discovering more grace, understanding, and freedom in the process.

We hope this conversation sparks courage within you to engage some of the difficult truths of the past in order to discover a new hope for your life right now. 

If you’d like to hear more, we invite you to join Dan and Adam on February 23 for “Family of Origin,” a new online seminar from the Allender Center.

Registration is now open at theallendercenter.org/events

What does “grounding” mean? It’s engaging in practices that bring you back to your body and refocuses your thoughts when you may be experiencing the effects of stress, anxiety, or trauma.

Join Jeanette White, the Executive Director of the Allender Center, and Rachel Sanchez, the Manager of the Resilient Leaders Project at @theseattleschool to learn ways to find that moment of care for yourself. We think you’re going to love this one.

John and Dan discuss the meaning and importance of beauty through the lens of the theology of Jonathan Edwards.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender wrestles with one of the most common questions we receive at The Allender Center: What should I look for when I am picking a therapist? Dan offers several categories for us to consider as we seek someone to join us in the deep places of heartache and hope in our stories.

Join Dan and Rachael as they explore the intimate relationships we have in our lives now - our spouses, children, roommates and friends - and how we can embrace grief and gratitude to engage with those closest to us.

We often spend time reflecting on how our family of origin shapes our stories. But today, we're turning our attention to another important part of who we are, both personally and collectively: our church family history.

This week, we are honored to host The Rev. Dr. Jennifer Powell McNutt, a distinguished church historian, professor, and author. Dr. McNutt serves as the Franklin S. Dyrness Associate Professor of Biblical and Theological Studies at Wheaton College and is the co-author, alongside David W. McNutt, of the upcoming book, "Know the Theologians."

Given the challenges and controversies within the church today, it's crucial to understand the relevance of our church family history. Jennifer, Dan, and Rachael highlight the need to learn from both the successes and failures of past generations and to recognize God's faithfulness throughout history.

While learning about church history might seem intimidating at first, it's incredibly valuable in understanding our Christian tradition and where we're headed together. We hope this conversation inspires you to do your own exploration of the influences of this unique "family tree."

Jennifer will return later this year to continue this conversation. In the meantime, we encourage you to explore her new book, "Know the Theologians," available April 2 at bookstores everywhere.

How do we remember a year well, particularly a year that many of us may not want to look back and reflect upon? What is there to gain in remembering 2020? In the final podcast episode of the year, Dan and Rachael have a conversation about the necessity of engaging and learning from this tumultuous year and share their answers to three, reflective questions: What haunts me? What comforts me? What thrills me?

This week on the podcast, Dan and Becky Allender talk about triggers in marriage with their good friends Dr. Steve and Lisa Call. You may recognize Steve and Lisa from the new Marriage Online Course.What follows is both a humorous and deeply insightful conversation. Triggers can undermine a marriage relationship as a couple often does not have language or context to understand what provoked their partner, or how to engage one another after someone is triggered. 

Resources:

• Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020
• Listen to a podcast episode, “Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call”

Listen to a podcast episode about “Dissociation in Marriage”

This week, Dan discusses the fear that so many of us hold about confronting the stories of our past.

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, respond to feedback about our recent series on spiritual abuse. From the volume of responses, it is clear that this category strikes a deep and personal chord for many listeners, and we did not want to let this moment pass without acknowledging the complexity of this crucial conversation.

Last week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan launched a new series exploring our signature Training Certificate, a year-long program that guides individuals through engagement with their own stories of harm and trauma for the sake of learning to offer healing and restoration in the stories of others. This week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, who shares about her own experience of going through the Training Certificate and the impact that it continues to have in her life.

As we continue our discussion about spiritual abuse, this week we’re looking at its impacts and how we can begin to move towards healing.

If this is a subject you’d like to continue to explore, or if you’d like to share this material with a loved one, we have a list of more articles, podcasts, and online learning opportunities in the show notes of today’s episode.

What does it mean to be a Christian in a moment like this? How then, shall we live? 

Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender continue to talk about the impact of Covid-19 and the rapid ways our world continues to change, even in the few days following our first episode. Throughout their conversation you’ll hear words of hope, encouragement, and some practical ways to help us connect with our bodies and engage the realities of trauma. 

“Can we honor that we’re all in trauma, as a nation, as a family, as an individual, and can we begin to bring knowledge about trauma to our friendships and conversations?” Dr. Dan Allender

Resources:

• Read Psalm 91
• Read a blog post about Collective Trauma

Listen to a conversation with Dr. Dan Allender about Trauma and the Body