Sitting in a Car (Sarah Sproule)

Lots of us are dedicated to giving our kids 

all the info we know they need, 

but aren’t sure how to do that, or when. 

And we might have memories ourselves 

of our parents trying to have chats with us, and it feeling weird and icky and wrong. 

Or maybe we were given a book, and told If you have any questions, just ask,

And THAT felt wrong too!

So we want to do things differently for our own kids.

Let’s hop into this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car 

x Sarah

This week, a parent asks, 

‘How can I turn uncomfortable conversations with my kid about sensitive stuff into more comfortable ones?’ 

What a great question this is.

What can we do about our own feelings and fears around having sensitive chats that hold us back from having them, or make it super hard and uncomfortable when we do talk?

My answer this week comes from the Kindness pillar of the Evolved Family method. 

The Kindness pillar helps us do many awesome things. 

But one of its most important jobs, is helping us really focus in on ourselves, so we can be more available to our kid when we’re talking about sensitive stuff. 

I know all this might feel quite radical... 

Supporting our kid, by first asking ourselves what we need! 

That’s because it IS radical. 

But I promise you, it is so, so powerful.

If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and turn uncomfortable conversations with my kid about sensitive stuff into more comfortable ones, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

Udders (a functional part of cows, lambs, goats) produce milk in the same way that breasts (a functional part of women) produce milk for tiny humans.

Do you think cows, lambs, or goats shame other cows, lambs or goats when feeding their young, just because farmers also milk them for dairy milk?

Because breasts are also used for sexual pleasure, they should be kept hidden, covered up and not be seen outside of specific environments.

Despite their original, natural function of feeding newborn babies.

This week’s podcast answers a Mum’s question of how to answer her 2-year-olds questions around breastfeeding as she is expecting baby no.2 soon. With her first daughter she bottle fed if in public or went to a private room.

Let me just say that these options are totally ok, if they are your choice.

However, a mother who has been taught that her breasts should remain private and hidden, EVEN, when providing food for her kid, is being shamed and made to feel embarrassed about a natural, everyday thing.

So this episode is made to help the Mama’s with inquisitive 2-year-olds that want to know why Mummy is putting a boobie/breast/(insert word used) in their sibling’s mouth.

I share how you can satisfy any questions they have whilst building a foundational connection.

My answers, also potentially, bring you some comfort if you’re facing your own feelings (maybe shame/embarrassment/discomfort) around breasts and breastfeeding.

A lot of the work we do around building connections with our kid(s) involves us taking a look at what we believe and what we were taught. This can be very uncomfortable.

So remember to be kind to yourself and get ready for some surefire ways to support you in a situation like this.

As always if you’re needing some extra support do reach out via https://www.instagram.com/iamsarahsproule/

or join the The Evolve School waitlist.

Until next time.

x Sarah

Shownotes

Book: Milky by Agnes Saccani & Maria Betsworth - www.milkmakingmamas.co.uk IG: @MilkMakingMama

‘I would like to understand why my 11-year-old stops all my attempts 

to talk about sex, bodies and puberty.’ 

I love this question because this parent is curious about what might be going on for her child.

And indeed it is a curious thing, 

and it’s very, very common! 

Tweens not wanting to talk about sensitive stuff, happens all the time.

There are three reasons why this very common thing might be happening.

My answers today came from the Kindness pillar of the Evolved Family method, 

which helps courageous but tongue-tied parents

create evolved and communicating families. 

There are three explanations why this is happening, so to learn more, join me for this week's episode of Sitting in a Car.

Here’s to doing our best for our growing and changing kid(s),

x Sarah

‘Is it possible to be open with a small child about bodies, puberty, and sex?’

In the next few minutes, you’ll find out the answer is YES! But how?

The absolute BEST time to start laying the foundations of those chats with our kids,

is when they’re very small.

I have a story for you this week

about what happened when my own mum didn’t start having chats with me

about puberty until after my body started changing -

and then suddenly tried to talk to me about periods when I was 11.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t go well.

(You can hear about that in this week’s video.)

For more about why and how we can be chatting to our very small kids

about sexuality, puberty, babies and all the things,

and for an ACTUAL LIST! of stuff you can be chatting about,

listen to this week’s episode.

x Sarah

This week, let’s talk about what to do 

when your 8-year-old asked you (quite a while ago) What is sex? 

and you said you’d get back to them with a good answer, 

and now you’re all ready with an answer – but they’ve never asked again!

My answer this week comes from some of the core principles that underpin the Evolved Family method. 

A lot of you probably already know about the Evolved Family method's three pillars, 

Courage, Growth, and Kindness. 

But underpinning those pillars, are a few foundational principles. 

This week’s answer comes from those ideas. 

If you need to give an answer to a question your 8 year old asked a while ago but hasn’t asked again, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

‘How can I chat with my squeamish 8-year-old about periods?

I started a conversation with her once about periods, and she was totally squicked out. 

I’d love some help.’

What a great question. I’m sure this parent isn’t alone in this. 

So what do we do when we have info we need to give our kid

so that they stay safe and healthy growing up, 

but which they’re too squicked out to hear?

My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method. 

The Courage pillar helps us look at how we can support our child exactly as they are, 

without pretending, or wishing, they were easier to talk to about sensitive stuff!

It teaches us how to start conversations, and which actual words to use.

To hear more about how to use the Courage pillar and chat with your squicky kid about periods, 

listen to this week's episode of SItting in a Car here.

And here’s to doing our best to stay connected to our growing kids.

x Sarah

Today’s question is not really about LGBTQIA kids at all.

It's sort of about what happens in parenting when we don’t get things exactly right…

I have a story for you, about a thing my own mum didn’t get exactly right. 

She was doing her very best – but she was given the wrong information.

(You can hear what happened in this week’s Sitting In A Car.)

So what can you do when you feel that you maybe haven’t supported your kid 

as well as you might have liked to?

Listen watch more to hear my 3 ideas. 

What would you do if this were your kid? 

Can you imagine how you might feel? 

Have you been this parent? Are you this parent? 

First things first, seek professional help to make sure there’s not something more to this. 

Once you have confirmation your kid is safe, then what? 

In this week’s episode I talk you through my suggestions to this question. 

This question came from a very concerned parent who wants to support their kid the best way they can.

This is a sensitive topic that requires compassion and an open mind. 

It may be that paid, professional help is required. 

It may be that your kid functions differently to the majority. So needs information presented in another way. If this is the case it’s totally ok. You can, with the right support, provide the information they need. 

 If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your kid as he learns about boundaries and consequences around the touching of genitals, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

‘How can I chat with my squeamish 8-year-old about periods?

I started a conversation with her once about periods, and she was totally squicked out.

I’d love some help.’

What a great question. I’m sure this parent isn’t alone in this.

So what do we do when we have info we need to give our kid

so that they stay safe and healthy growing up,

but which they’re too squicked out to hear?

My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method.

The Courage pillar helps us look at how we can support our child exactly as they are,

without pretending, or wishing, they were easier to talk to about sensitive stuff!

It teaches us how to start conversations, and which actual words to use.

To hear more about how to use the Courage pillar and chat with your squicky kid about periods,

watch this week's episode of SItting in a Car here.

And here’s to doing our best to stay connected to our growing kids.

x Sarah

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

Given the society and culture we live in today, this is enough to freak any parent out!

We remember what our teenage years were like. We all had something about our ever-changing bodies that we didn’t like or even hated!

Did we have a trusted, safe source to confide in? 

Were we able to express how we felt? 

Did we feel seen by our carers? 

Of course, they did their best but maybe we didn’t have any of the above. 

And so now we want to make sure our kid does have that. 

Not to mention the fact that the media is super unhelpful. There is generally only one type of body image shown. And a tonne of shaming and exclusion of diverse bodies.

So, if your 10 yr-old is struggling with their body image, made worse by the lack of inclusion in the media, I’ve got you. 

If you feel like you could use further support for this part of your parenting, consider joining The Evolve School. This is your chance to develop your own unique way of nurturing the connection with your kid(s). 

Join the waitlist here https://sarahsproule.support/waitlist/ 

For now, listen into this week’s podcast for 3 ways you can connect with your 10-yr-old as they navigate their body image.

x Sarah

Preparing for Christmas can sometimes give you the same squicky, sinking feeling you get when your 4 year old asks you right in the middle of the supermarket why daddy has a penis and you don’t.

Quite honestly, it can be a challenge.

So, while you might not have ever thought that taking about how babies are made and prepping for Christmas is in anyway related, listen to the three simply strategies this week that will help you get clear on how to build more connection with your kid(s) while prepping the Santa stockings.

To learn more about supporting your kids and building more connection as they grow,

head on over to iTunes or Spotify for the last episode of Sitting in a Car this year (or YouTube if you’d like to watch rather than listen).

Here’s a big, squeezy, virtual end-of-year hug for you from me and my best wishes for the tastiest roast turkey (or vege alternative) and Christmas pudding ever. And don’t forget about the loveliest conversations with your kids about sensitive but important stuff.

x Sarah

Ps. If you’d like to make 2021 the year you get super focused on staying connected with your growing kids by having open and natural conversations about bodies, sex and consent, head over to www.sarahsproule.com/easier and pop in your details. You don’t have to work out how to do this on your own

I love this week’s question.

Because yes, it’s about consent, my favourite subject –

and consent isn’t always about sex so that makes it an easy topic to talk about with smaller kids.

You see, consent is actually about respecting yourself and others.

And we all want to raise kids who respect themselves and the people around them :)

So, YES!

We certainly can talk about consent with very young kids.

And the great thing about wanting to talk about consent is

childhood is FULL of everyday opportunities that help our kids see why consent is so important.

I have a story for you this week

about something I overheard, during one of my kids’ playdates,

where a really gross, funny game was happening,

and how I intervened, to let everyone know

that nobody has to eat anything they don’t want to eat (don’t ask!).

Enjoy this week's episode. It’s a good one

x Sarah

Let’s chat about the hidden questions you mightn’t even know to ask,

that will give you more connected conversations with your kids.

These questions come from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method,

which is all about connection – and empathy.

You may be surprised to learn (or not!)

that the key to a lot of the questions we parents find the hardest to answer,

is empathy.

So let’s talk about the emotions and thoughts that go unsaid

when we’re having sensitive conversations with our kids –

and how we can use those hidden questions, no matter how scary,

to create a more connected family.

If you feel like you could use some more support to build deeper connections with your kid(s), join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

Do you have the skills and abilities to sit with really complex emotions?

Complex emotions like fear, worry, embarrassment, tension, or anger.

Whether they show up in you or others?

This is what you can learn if you join my community to learn The Evolved Family Method.

Your friend, who you love, is constantly making negative and toxic comments about her body and the body of others, around your kids.

You want her to stop but need some help in what to say.

In today’s episode I’m sharing how you can discuss this with your kids and also how you can best approach your friend.

Connection is at the heart of Sitting In a Car and for the relationship you want to build with your kids and the adults in your life.

Remember to grab a pen and paper so you can get the suggested wording to use and adapt for your own convos going forward.

You can also grab the free resource I mentioned via the link in my bio. (KELI CAN YOU MAKE SURE THIS LINK IS IN THE INSTAGRAM BIO PLEASE - You can edit the bio in searchie - thanks)

If you would love more support with your emotions, talking about sensitive things and plucking up the courage to do so, then The Evolved Family Method may be for you.

Drop me a DM to have a chat or head to the link in my bio to join The Evolve School waitlist.

x Sarah

Have you been wracking your brain for all the reasons why they’re not talking? 

Especially when you know they need someone they can trust to confide in? 

Maybe you’re feeling regret about past parenting decisions? 

Blaming yourself for how you handled a past situation? 

If this is you, please remember that parenting is a lifelong journey, and we’re constantly learning. 

Kids go through many developmental stages. 

One of our jobs is to have the skills to help them navigate each one. 

High level connection is a skill. Being able to talk about sensitive things is a skill. 

We may not have learned these skills in our own families. 

And it’s likely that we weren’t taught these skills in school, either. 

So now it’s time to learn those skills. 

In this episode we discuss:

• collaboration culture 
• two competing truths existing at the same time
• a family meeting agenda; and 
• the steps for a successful family meeting

Have a listen, and feel free to share with me your insights or experiences from implementation. 

x Sarah

This week, let’s talk about

how to avoid passing on shame to our kid(s). 

And I’m going to show you how the Evolved Family method does exactly that with it’s three pillars, 

Growth, Courage, and Kindness. 

Because the whole Evolved Family method is about reducing shame.

The best way I know to reduce shame, 

is by building deeper connections with our kids. 

And the way we do that, 

is by having conversations with our kids about sensitive things. 

Connection is about openness.

Connection is about feeling seen & heard.

When we feel connected w someone else,

shame doesn’t exist there.

So! Press play and listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car, cos it’s a special one. 

And if you’d like to know more about Growth, Courage and Kindness, and the Evolved Family method, 

email me at sarah (at) sarah sproule (dot) come and I’ll let you know the next time The Evolve School opens its doors.

Hi There,

You'd think that when it comes to puberty and periods, us adults should have it all sewn up. 

I mean, we've all been through it so we should know the pitfalls and challenges and have figured out how to make it easier for our kids. 

Right?

Unfortunately, sometimes we parents can blank out our own 'less-than-rosy' past experiences and meanwhile expect our kids to navigate through the choppy waters easily on their own.

Many kids are literally 'at sea' when they hit puberty.  

Our kids might be unsure who to talk to, who to ask for support while at the same time, trying to be grown up and avoid embarrassment.  

This week on TheTalk.ie we offer insight into the anxieties many young girls have when it comes to coping with getting their period for the first time and make suggestions on how to reduce these worries in a supportive and respectful way.

x Sarah

‘Can I talk to my 7-year-old about her clitoris?’

This is such an important episode this week.

Because lots of us don’t feel comfortable talking about the clitoris.

The clitoris is all about pleasure.

And pleasure is something we might find difficult to talk about with kids.

And you know what? That’s perfectly normal.

A lot of us have had no modeling for how to have conversations about sensitive stuff with our kid(s.

So it makes sense that we might feel a bit uncomfortable,

and not at all confident about how to do it.

This week I’ve got three tips to help you have the clitoris talk this week. They are all from the Growth Pillar inside the Evolved Family Method.

To hear all about it, come join me in Sitting in a Car.

And if you’d like to learn more about the Evolved Family Method, send me a PM and I’ll help you with that x

Ps. This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

This week a parent asks,

‘Would you recommend tampons or towels, when a young person first starts their period?’

In one way, this is really quite like any other buying decision we have to make.

We might think about budget. Or impact on the environment.

Or about: what, for us, is the most comfortable thing to do?

In another way, though, this question is about our child’s abilities.

How comfortable is your kid with their body? Because tampons take some practice.

Will your child remember to change a tampon? Because if you leave one in for too long, they can get sick.

So it really depends on the abilities of the child you are supporting on their menstrual journey.

And everybody is different.

So everyone’s ‘best’ thing to do, will be different.

Whatever you decide, make sure you use this convo as the wonderful opportunity that it is.

You can create a dialogue.

Cos every time we get a bit lecturey,☝🏼instead of having a proper chat, it’s a lost opportunity to really give our child a feeling of:

‘We’re in this together.’

‘I’m supporting you to learn more about yourself,

as you become an adult.’ ❤️

If you can create this feeling,

it’s really going to stand to you as your child gets older.

It’s the thing that will keep your kid coming back to you, when they have questions or concerns.

And those questions and concerns are gonna get more and more complex.

So, yay, chats about periods.

For more on this great topic, listen to this week's episode. 

We’ve another wonderful question this week.

‘When a younger child - say, age 5-8 - asks, “What is sex?”

what should I say?’

You might remember that we chatted just the other week about how to tell tiny kids - ages 0-4 - where babies come from. 

And about how it’s not only ok to chat with tiny kids about this stuff - it’s good!

(If you missed that, you can check it out here.)

With a slightly bigger kid, we can chat about the same stuff - and add some new bits in, too. 

We can chat about how some adults don’t feel comfortable talking about how babies are made.

Because maybe they were taught that it’s not ok to talk about it. 

We can chat about how not every family knows it’s important to tell kids about all the cool things our bodies can do!  

But WE know that it’s good to give kids information about ALL the cool things, so that our kids can keep themselves happy and safe.

We can chat about how sex feels good, and makes us feel close to people.

That it’s fun! and not just for making new humans.

We can even talk about the ways that grown-ups have sex without making new humans. 

Because babies are a lot of work.

We can chat about how not everyone wants to have sex. And that it’s a choice. 

And that it’s a responsibility, too. 

That it’s a grown-up thing, 

where you need to take care of the person you’re doing it with, and also take care of yourself. 

Really, above all, the main thing we want to be sharing with our kids is that sex is a normal, nice part of being human.

Because that’s the truth! 

And if you’re one of those parents who sometimes feels a bit awkward talking about this stuff, that’s ok.

I’m here to help you with that. 

For ideas about how to have these chats in a way that will help both you and your kid feel empowered and happy, listen to this week's podcast.

Sarah x

This week, let’s chat about what to do 

if your 7-year-old boy has just learned about periods – 

and you’re worried he’s going to share this exciting new info

with all of his friends!! 

Including his friends who are going to get periods someday, 

and who might not know about them yet. 

My answer to this question is from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method, 

which gives you the skills to speak up about complex stuff, 

and build more connection with your child as you do that.

And, it helps you to run interference between your child and the world at large,  

where other people might be thinking and parenting differently.

Unlike most of our own parents, we know 

that kids need to have the info about sex, puberty, bodies, babies and all the things.

And we know that giving our kids this information 

keeps them safer. 

But what happens when our parenting bumps up against the outside world? 

Where maybe other kids don’t have this info? 

Because maybe other parents don’t believe they should have it?

This is a complex one. So do watch  this week’s episode for the full details. 

And if you feel like you could use some extra support for this part of your parenting, comment below or send me a DM. I’m here to help...

x Sarah

Let’s talk about how to teach your kids about sex, 

even if you feel too embarrassed to start! 

I have a story for you in this week’s podcast

about a moment once upon a time in my own life,

where I had a sensitive conversation with one of my kids at bedtime, in a dark and quiet room. 

(You can hear all about it in this week’s podcast.)

There’s more than just one way to have a sensitive conversation. 

We talk about this a lot in The Evolve School, 

the programme I teach for parents & caring adults 

who want to go from courageous but tongue-tied

to evolved and communicating.

(I say more about that in this weeks video)

So what can you do, if you know your kids need these kinds of chats, 

about sex, bodies, babies and all the things,  

but you’re too embarrassed to start? 

Listen to this week’s episode of Sitting In A Car to hear how to explore your own embarrassment in order to help your kids.

And to sign up to get EVEN MORE help with your conversations about sex, head over to www.sarahsproule.com/evolve to join the new free masterclass and Discover A New Way to Be More Connected With Your Kid(s) … and talk about sensitive subjects.

Let’s talk about how we can be there for our kids during puberty.

Because when we talk about how to help our kids through puberty, 

what we’re actually talking about is empathy. 

We’re talking about creating a connection 

that tells our kids that we’re comfortable talking about ALL kinds of things in our home, 

and that they are not alone.

So how can we help our kids feel this support? 

If you want to become more comfortable being a parent  to a young person approaching puberty, and

for more about how to help our kids through the exciting and sometimes scary adventure that is puberty,

(the secret sauce is empathy and connection) have a look at this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car

This week’s question might make you think about your own experience as a kid.

A parent asks:

‘When your child is immature in nature, how do you know how much to tell them?’

So often, I hear parents tell me about their own experience first learning about sex, bodies, babies and all the things.

It goes something like:

“Sex was never talked about, and then one day, out of the blue, I got The Talk”  😮

Parents will often say to me, “I don’t want my kids to have that experience”.

They remember so vividly, the feelings they felt.

Scary!

Uncomfortable.

Embarrassing.

Yikes.

Here’s the thing.

I don’t compare those feelings with getting info about sex, bodies, babies and all the things.

I link them with a whole lifetime - until age 11 or 12 - of hearing NOTHING, and then suddenly an adult presses PLAY and you get all this information out of the blue.

The key to giving your kid a good experience is not about ‘the amount’ of info you give them.

It’s about how you give it.

The key is to have tiny, gentle, ongoing conversations, over time.

These convos come with compassion and kindness.

Did you know we can talk about sex, bodies, babies and all the things with children from ages 2 or 3 or 4?

And if your kids are older, you can start from whatever age they are right now.

So that it’s NOT a big pile of scary information, out of the blue.

It’s just a series of gentle, friendly, compassionate, ongoing chats,

about being human.

You can do it.

And we can help you.

Sarah x

Let’s dive in this week with a great one. ‘How do I help my child know how to say or do what THEY want, not what others want?’

This is a great question and goes straight to the heart of consent. 

It’s about empowering our kids to even know what they want, in what might be quite a high pressure moment, and to be able to communicate it, which might be quite hard to do.

So, it’s a lot!

But never fear. Here’s the key. 

Really, the only thing NOT to say - and we’ve all done it! - is, ‘If you don’t want to do something, just say no! And it’ll all be ok.’ :)

When we say that, we completely erase that life is more complicated than that.

How many times have you NOT said something in a restaurant, even though your steak was cold or your mash wasn’t nice? 

The main thing we need our kids to know Is that ‘their grown-up’ understands the complexity of the world.

And understands that when the popular kid says LEND ME YOUR BIKE, it’s not always easy to say no. 

That’s ok. We’ve got some hacks to help you, help them.

And!

This is such a juicy topic that I’m thinking of offering a weekend seminar on it.

If this would be of interest to you, drop me a line!

Sarah x

“Is it ok to tell a 4-year-old they came out of the vagina?”

What an awesome question this week.

It’s important for all adults to think about this, even if your kids are older or younger.

I think the answer starts with how we can get comfortable doing the parts of parenting that feel extra difficult.

(In this weeks episode, I tell a personal story about how my anxiety stopped me being able to show up for  my kids in an everyday situation.)

So what can parents and other adults who care for children say to young kids about how babies are born?

To hear more about how to chat about birth,

Listen to this week's episode.

Here’s a quick heads up … our goal isn’t ONLY to get info about sex, bodies, babies and all the things in front of our kids …

It’s to create connection with them too!

So many of us parents have heard ALL the stories 

about kids who pull away from their parents in the pre-teen and teenage years. 

So a lot of us just stop trying to say anything. Because we’re afraid of our kids pulling away.

But we know our kids need the info. 

So what can we do? 

To hear all about how to support your kid as they grow through puberty, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

How we can help our child feel like they can tell us anything. 

The way this wonderful mum phrased her question, was, 

‘How can I get my child to confide in me?’ 

Kids confide in adults when they feel a sense of connection, and a sense of safety. 

So how do we create that? 

In this week’s episode, we start with the question - 

Who do YOU confide in?

We learn from our own experience confiding in people,

about how to create this experience for our kids. 

So it's good to know exactly what those qualities are, that make us feel safe to confide in someone.

In this episode, there are three easy to use strategies and loads of real-life stories and examples, to help you take action to build deeper connection with your kid(s). 

To discover how you can use your own life experience to make this easier for your kid, make sure you don’t miss out on the most recent episode of Sitting in a Car.

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

When it came to awkward conversations, our parents did their best with what they knew. Whether you were dismissed, made to feel uncomfortable or awkward about sensitive subjects, you want to do things differently, and build an Evolved Communicating Family.

However, you may experience a level of panic or dread when it comes to having these same conversations with your kid, especially if they are young.

If you feel you could use some support and actionable pointers for this part of your parenting, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

I’ll see you there.

x Sarah

This week, a parent asked,

‘If I’ve a gay or lesbian child, how do I talk about sex and relationships?’  

This is such a great question.

Because it might seem like it’s a question only for parents of LGBTQ+ young people.

But it’s not!

It’s a question for all of us.

Because it’s really about:

how do we raise children and young people

to be adults who are comfortable being themselves?

When it came to awkward conversations, our parents did their best with what they knew. Whether you were dismissed, made to feel uncomfortable or awkward about sensitive subjects, you want to do things differently, and build an Evolved Communicating Family. 

However, you may experience a level of panic or dread when it comes to having these same conversations with your kid, especially if they are young.  

If you feel you could use some support and actionable pointers for this part of your parenting, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

I’ll see you there.

x Sarah

This week, a parent asks,

‘‘If I don’t have boys, should I talk to my daughter about porn?’

This is such a great question.

Because it’s about so much more than porn.

It’s about all the media we might see

that has an impact on our ability to accept ourselves,

accept other people,

understand there are different types of bodies,

and there are all kinds of s=e=x=.

So it’s a big question!

And the short answer is… YES.

We should chat with all of our kids, of all genders, about porn.

To hear more of my answer to this great question, about how us adults can help our kids build these skills,

Listen to this week's video 👆

This week, a parent asks what to do

when chats with your kids about sensitive stuff, aren't happening naturally.

We might be ready to be open with our kids, and have open, ongoing convos

about sex, bodies, babies and all the things,

so that our kids get the info they need.

But our kids aren’t asking.

And now they’re growing older – and still not asking!

So what do we do?

My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method.

The Courage pillar helps us to start conversations,

manage big emotions,

and start convos about stuff that doesn’t come up on its own.

If you feel like you could use some more support with chats that aren't happening naturally, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

www.sarahsproule.com/bio

I have such a great question for you this week.

‘My 8-year-old son searched for sex on my brother’s laptop.

What do I do? I’m so shocked’ O_O

The first thing to know is how normal this is.

And that, as a parent, it’s a source of information for you.

If your kid is doing a search about sex, it’s because they need more info than they’re getting.

So far, so simple … BUT…

…you are probably still panicking just a little bit, right?

A lot of us have an instinctive panic reaction to the idea that our kid has ‘been exposed’ to things to do with sex.

But here’s the thing. 

What you want is to be the ask-able, approachable parent for your kid, a trusted grown-up they can come to if they have questions.

If you notice your own panic reaction, and are kind to yourself about it, you’d be surprised what a great opportunity this can be.

You can really be present with your kid and give them the info they need, in a way that empowers both of you.

We have great hacks for you this week

- ideas about how to have these convos, and online resources for you when you want to share something with your kid that is both accurate and empowering.

Sarah x 

“What is rape?” coming from a 10-year-old is a pretty loaded question!  

Where do we even begin? 

What do we say?

How much do we say? 

Unfortunately, we cannot shelter our kids from the harsh realities of the world. 

In fact, it’s not helpful. And we come across to our kid(s) as clueless.

As adults, responsibly talking about sensitive things, allows & models for our child to do the same.

This is a great way to develop an evolved & communicating family. 

When we do the work to manage past emotions and experiences, we can be grounded in the present for our families. 

In this week’s episode I explore ways to answer this question and reasons we should answer. It would be easy to say ‘that’s not something you need to worry about now’. But if your kid(s) is asking, they need an answer. 

If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to answer a question around a complex topic, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

Hi There,

Have you ever given your kids advice and they have actually taken it on board straight away?

Like when you point out that running around with their laces undone is not a good idea. Or when you suggest that studying a bit every day will make it easier in the long run? 

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

But if you start instilling formative messages into your kids from an early age, eventually they will stick.  Or, at least, the concepts will be more normalised for them.  

When it comes to talking to our children about sex, sexuality and consent, there are many subjects that need to be addressed and normalised. 

Like condoms, for example!

And whilst you may think that introducing condoms to younger children seems highly inappropriate, the reason behind this is all about their self-confidence and future safety.

This week at thetalk.ie we give parents tips and advice on: 
- how to introduce the subject of condoms 
- how to reinforce and normalise an awkward topic and dispel the stigma that exists around them.

For further discussion on this and other topics, please join our Facebook group 'Learn to talk to your kids about sex'.  This is a closed group so you can participate in discussions in a safe and private space.

Well hello there

Have you ever been fearful that you might give your kid too much information about relationships, puberty or consent?

You are not alone. This week I’m answering this exact question: is it possible to be too open and honest with our kids when they ask us questions about s=e=x?

Here’s the thing. The answer isn’t straight forward.

YES, it’s possible to say too much … BUT it is NOT for the reason you might think.

And mostly we won’t give our kids ENOUGH information, that’s the reality.

So NO, it’s unlikely that you will tell your young kids too much. 

Remember, we live in a country that hesitates to give information to kids about bodies, consent and s=e=x=uality.

That means these conversations might still feel risky to you, even though you might have heard me say multiple times that even very young children can be taught lots of age appropriate information about bodies and babies and human reproduction and consent.

To learn more listen here or watch here.

Go well,

Sarah x

“Is it ok to tell a 4-year-old they came out of the vagina?”

What an awesome question this week.

It’s important for all adults to think about this, even if your kids are older or younger.

I think the answer starts with how we can get comfortable doing the parts of parenting that feel extra difficult.

(In this weeks episode, I tell a personal story about how my anxiety stopped me being able to show up for  my kids in an everyday situation.)

So what can parents and other adults who care for children say to young kids about how babies are born?

To hear more about how to chat about birth,

have a look at this week’s episode.

Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

'How can I talk to my kids about porn, in a non-alarming way?'

Let’s  dig deep into three simple ways to make this easier.

The answer to this question comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method. 

As you might know, if you watch Sitting in a Car quite a lot,

the Courage pillar has to do 

with how we as adults can take responsibility for speaking up, 

and the tools we can use to do it. 

We learn how to start conversations, and what sentences and words to use.

The Courage pillar is especially helpful here, 

because a lot of grown-ups feel afraid of this topic! 

We might try to shield our kids from ever seeing porn in the first place (not possible), 

or we might worry that if we talk about it… they might go look for it. 

So how can we chat with our kids about porn, 

in a way that is non-alarming?

For lots of specific tips, watch this week’s episode here.

And if you’d like to get Sitting in a Car straight to your inbox, Dm me and I’ll get that sorted for you. 

x Sarah

What is the one most important thing to get our head around as parents of school age children when it comes to conversations about stuff like puberty, sex, relationships and consent?

It’s not any of the usual things I often get asked like age appropriate info, or the best words to use.

The one thing we are talking about this week IS about consent (I’ll tell you that much) but it’s not the sort of consent you might think …

In other news, I’ve realised the most common difficulty parents encounter when they want to start talking to their kid is the awkwardness and embarrassment they feel. We really are starting a weird new part of parenting.

So I want to give you a chance to learn how to hack your brain. There are ways to get around these feelings and start connecting with your kid in a more comfortable way.

Head on over to Eventbrite to learn more here (https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/its-awkward-but-it-doesnt-have-to-be-get-talking-to-your-kid-about-sex-tickets-76767065359). The early bird price ends 2nd November.

Sarah x 

Let’s talk about how to teach your kid about consent –

even if you’re not sure they’re old enough.

For a lot of us,

consent can feel like a super tricky area.

‘Cause consent is about sex, right?

So in order to chat with your kid about consent –

to help them know their own boundaries and needs,

while respecting the boundaries and needs of others –

they need to know about sex.

Right?

Actually, not at all!

We can start helping our kids understand about consent

from when they’re very small.

To hear more about how to teach our kids about consent

in everyday ways, no matter their age, watch this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car

x Sarah

If you’re finding that teaching consent is becoming increasingly important to you,

DM me so I can let you know how The Evolve School could help you do this important part of parenting x

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

This week’s question is a big one.

‘We were in the car. A news report came on the radio about rape. ‘My 7-year-old asked, “What is rape?”’

When a sensitive subject like this comes up, you might feel your throat close up, and your stomach clench.

And you might really not want to go there.

Believe me, I get it.

But.

This is where the groundwork you’ve been doing, the chats you’ve already been having, the tiny, tiny steps you’ve already been taking, are all going to help your kid and help you.

Remember, we’re talking about a 7-year-old - so keeping it simple is exactly right.

Maybe you will have chatted about the names of body parts.

Maybe you will have chatted about how everyone’s body is their own.

Maybe you’ve even had happy convos about how bodies feel nice when we eat lovely food, or run and play, or cuddle with our families.

So then you can talk about how we get to choose to do things that feel good with our bodies.

And how we get to choose to NOT do things with our body too.

And how some people don’t know that that’s a rule.

We have some truly amazing hacks for you around this very sensitive topic.

We’ve broken it down into small manageable parts.

This will empower both your kid and you.

And by the way, it’s ok to chat with your kid about things like this!

It’s not only ok - it’s good. 

We know that kids who are informed are better able to keep themselves safe

in this a-little-bit-broken world of ours.

And we’re here to help you, help them.

Sarah x

‘How do I balance talking to my child about the pleasure of sex

and also explain that someone can hurt and abuse them?’

The parent adds:

‘‘My own first memories of talks about sex were about abuse and rape.

And never anything about pleasure.

I’ve been trying to undo the damage of that memory for years.’

What an amazing question.

It kind of points to a larger conversation

about how we balance talking to our kids about the good things in life,

with talking to them about the bad things and the dangers of life.

So how can we find a balance

when we’re talking about sex and relationships?

There is so much more to say about this wonderful question!

To hear more about how to find that balance,

and how to give our kids the tools to have fulfilling relationships,

listen to today’s episode of Sitting In A Car here.

This week, a parent asks, 

‘How can I talk to very young children about periods?’

Like many of us, 

she has small children who come into the loo with her :)

when she’s changing her period products. 

And she’s worried about how to answer their questions.

 I’m absolutely certain this parent is not alone with this issue!

So let’s chat about it.

The first thing to know,

is that even when we’re NOT talked to about periods, 

our kid’s brains are still picking up information. 

Their brains subconsciously realise: hmm, this is something we don’t talk about.

I remember one day when I was around 11,

my mum came into my bedroom,

and she had a box of tampons, and the little chart that came with them, 

showing the bits of the body and where to put everything. 

I screamed the house down. 

‘GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!’

And then of course a year or two later when I got my period, 

I didn’t know what to do!

I was a bit of a victim of my own embarrassment! :)

But of course this happened because in the culture I was living in,

periods were NOT talked about as part of everyday life. 

So this is why we talk about this stuff. To prevent the embarrassment from setting

in in the first place.

Because we realise, now - this thing of not talking about periods, doesn’t actually work so well.

And we want to try a different way.

Listen to this week’s watch this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car 

How do you talk to your kids about porn and sexting? And how early should those conversations start?

This can be one of the hardest things to talk about, as it can really challenge our ideas about our kids’ innocence, and how we want them to stay that way.

The truth is, this is part of a larger conversation we can be having with our kids gradually.

So could you start chatting about these things from a place of openness, connection and a kind of neutral curiosity? 

These conversations are not really only about sexting or porn.

They are about the advert on the side of a bus, or a grown-up reference in a TV programme, or a tricky message on a T-shirt.

This stuff is about you chatting calmly about the messages you see in the world around you, from a calm, curious, neutral place.

Because what do we want at the end of the day?

If ’something goes wrong’ - maybe your kid sees something, does something, or is shown something that makes them feel scared, upset, or alone – you want them to know FOR SURE that they can come to you for support, guidance and help. 

Here it is: ‘How do you discuss sexual desire with adolescents?

And without shame?’

This is such a great question –

and it's not just a question for parents of adolescents. 

It's a question that relates to kids of all ages.

Because when we talk about desire, 

we’re actually talking about self-awareness. 

We’re talking about openness. 

We’re talking about how we speak up for the things we need and want.

And we’re also talking about how we push back against the shame that might keep us quiet or small 

and not able to speak about what we want.

We've lots to say on this wonderful and important topic. 

And lots of tips for you, for when you have convos about this – 

including how to chat to your teenagers, 

and want more privacy, and mightn't want to chat to YOU about any of this at all!

A mum asks,

‘How do you deal with awkward daddies?

Ours panics at the word vagina when our girls say it.’

This is such a super question,

because it allows us to chat about gender,

and the expectations around what certain genders get to say and do.

In this week’s episode, I talk about how to make space for male parents to grow into talking to their kids about puberty, bodies, and sex.

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

Our job is to be there for our kids, no matter what.

And their job is to ask for help, no matter what.

And so if there is something that they need to talk about, they need to know they must ask for help.

As many times as possible, until they get it.

People being hurt by sex (this can happen for many reasons) is a difficult topic to speak about.

But having these kinds of chats with our kids is important.

For their growth and awareness.

So have a listen to this week’s episode to learn how to have this kind of talk with your kid.

Building the courage to speak openly with our kids about all kinds of topics is important for our own connection with them and ourselves.

If you need more support with this, feel free to reach out here and leave me your details. I’ll get back to you.

For now, have a listen to how we use courage to have complex conversations about difficult topics.

x Sarah

This week, a parent asks:

‘How do we stop our young people accessing so much p0rn?’

This question is really pertinent at the moment. If you are like me, you are at home, with your kids and letting them use devices to pass the time.

So I like how this question qualifies itself.

‘SO MUCH p0rn’.

This question kind of understands that the world is the way it is.

The internet is the internet.

Kids can find p0rn if they want. Or they might get shown it by someone else.

Or they might find it by accident.

So the first thing is to do all the usual things.

Make it harder to access.

Use parental controls! Monitor computer use.

Things like that.

But.

The most important bit here is the same ‘most important bit’ it so often is.

Having conversations with your kid.

We need to be having the kinds of conversations that will keep our kid coming back to us, and coming back, and coming back, when things get strange or difficult.

These kinds of chats are ones that keep the connection with your child.

Chats that don’t lecture.

Chats that are matter-of-fact, and open.

So that you’re a ‘resource’ your kid trusts.

Because when kids know they’ll get yelled at, or given out to, for doing X thing, they’re less likely to come to us.

So we need to stay open.

How?!?!

We have some scripts for you.

And some strategies.

And by the way – I know this is hard!

This stuff is super challenging.

Keeping your cool when your kid tells you they’ve seen p0rn?

Or discovering it on their phone?

That’s really hard.

You can learn to manage your emotions, and stay calm and open with your kid.

That’s a parenting superpower. 

x Sarah

A mum asks,

‘How do you deal with awkward daddies?

Ours panics at the word vagina when our girls say it.’

This is such a super question,

because it allows us to chat about gender,

and the expectations around what certain genders get to say and do.

In this week’s episode, I talk about how to make space for male parents to grow into talking to their kids about puberty, bodies and sex.

Today's question is ‘Should I shower naked in front of my kids? What about my husband?’

This parent is asking for help in deciding what is best for her kids. However, as much as I offer my tools and experience, only you can have the final say in what is best for you and your kids.

So I’m sharing 3 things to consider when asking what the right thing to do is in a situation like this:

1. Your nervous system. How does it feel? Does it feel safe or dangerous? Again, how does it feel?
2. Is your decision being influenced by society’s rules about gender and what is and isn’t acceptable?
3. Honest storytelling

The Evolved Family Method is a complete method that supports families to have conversations about every sort of sensitive topic in a way that builds deeper connection with growing kids.

Nakedness is about how we feel, how we actually feel, not what our kids need.

But if we’re operating from past experiences, how we feel may not reflect how we want to show up as parents.

So using the Kindness pillar of the Method I share tools and techniques with you so you can learn principles on how to nourish your nervous system and how to reprogram how it feels around things to do with sensitive stuff, nakedness, and all that stuff.

Because at the end of the day, we're here to do better perhaps than what our natural inclination might be or what we experienced growing up.

As at the date of this podcast being released The Evolved School is open. So if you’re interested in joining me and other parents like you, get in touch today.

Here’s to raising your caring and confident young person to respect themselves and those around them.

Until next week,

x Sarah

Let’s switch things up a bit this week. Here’s a question from me to you. 

What kind of kid do you want to raise? 

Every week on Sitting In A Car, I say that I’m here to help you raise ‘confident, caring young people who respect themselves and the people around them’. 

But that’s just my mission statement! 

What’s yours?

Why not make a list of your core values as a parent? 

The main things you are trying to nurture in your kids? 

Knowing our top priorities helps direct our actions. So it can be so helpful to be conscious of what our own values are.

What might be three top priorities for you? 

Could you can make a little list this week - and if you like, maybe you can share them here?

There are so many great values to choose from. Maybe you want to raise a seeker, a learner - someone who, when they have questions, takes action to find out what they need. 

Maybe you want to raise someone who is compassionate and kind, to others and to themselves - who knows and accepts who they are, and who appreciates the individuality of others. 

Maybe you had issues yourself with not toe-ing the party line as a young person - and it got you in trouble! So maybe you would like to raise someone who is able to follow directions and work well with others.

There are so many good ones! 

Please do share some of your core values here. 

Because after all, the more we help each other appreciate the huge variety of parenting values, the more we can figure out which ones are right for us.

Sarah x 

This week, let’s talk about what happens when you have open chats at home about relationships, sexuality and consent - but other friends, family and loved ones maybe don’t.

To show you how I really messed this up, I’m going to share with you one of the great stories from our family. I call it The Great Condom Story :)

But first, let’s chat about how different families have different values.

It’s so interesting.

WE know how important it is to give our kids the information they need, to make good, empowered decisions about relationships as they get older.

But we also know that not every family feels that giving this info to kids is important.

So, how do we balance doing what’s right for our families with respecting the journeys other families and loved ones are on?

We give you some tips in this weeks episode of Sitting In A Car.

And I also tell you The Great Condom Story :)

Sarah x

Today’s brilliant parent question is: ‘How can I talk with my 14-year-old son about pornography and inappropriate representations of women?’

This week I focus on the things your teen son(s) may have noticed about their OWN body first. How are boys/male bodies is expected to look and behave?

Perhaps you can ask your kid questions about what they have noticed. Because we don’t often think about male bodies in the media, do we?

Sarah x 

I have a fantastic question for you this week.

A parent writes,

‘How can I teach my 15-year-old daughter to say no

when she’s in highly pressurised situations?’

My answer to this week’s question comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method –

which helps us speak up about complicated things,

using everyday situations

in a way that builds deeper connection with our child(ren) as we do it.

This is a super question because so many parents really don’t feel great about this bit of parenting.

In the teenage years, we can feel a bit like our kid has drifted apart from us.

We might feel our influence waning.

We could feel a bit out of control, out of our depth.

We might find ourselves saying things like, ‘You know you can always say no, right?’

And watching our teenager roll their eyes and say, ‘I KNOW.’

And it's not a convo that feels very connected or very good.

In fact, it’s MOST unhelpful!

So what can we do about it?

If you feel like you could use some support for this part of your parenting and to hear all about how to teach your teen to say ‘No’ more easily, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

I’ll see you there

x Sarah

Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

Why don’t boys know about cervixes and fallopian tubes? 

How do we expect boys to be understanding when they don’t even know what the word menstruation means?’

For a deep convo about this great question, 

including a funny story about what happens

when ALL people aren’t taught about

ALL the bits of the body, 

join me for this week’s episode of Sitting In A Car.

‘What’s a good way to manage nakedness in family situations, both for parents & kids?’

What a great thing to chat about!

But before we get into it, I want to reminisce a bit.

We are so influenced by the culture we’re raised in.

Depending on the country where you are living, there will be different levels of nakedness that seem normal.

But we also get to create our own family culture,

we can think about this stuff, and decide for ourselves how we want to be with our body, 

and how we want our family to be.

Isn’t that great?

To hear more about nakedness, listen to this week episode of Sitting in a Car. Let’s chat about being nude

This week, a parent asks,

‘How do I respond to things I hear my kid say that I don’t agree with?’

This is a great question,

because on the one hand, we want to raise kids whose values are in line with ours.

But on the other hand, we don’t want our kid to feel we’re constantly telling them

that what they believe is wrong!

So what can we do?

This is a super-juicy topic

and this week’s episode gives you loads of real-world tips on how to have these conversations.

By the way, you may be starting to realise

that gaining higher level skills like these is becoming a priority for you. Your kids are growing older

and you want your skills to be rock-solid.

If that sounds like you,

visit www.sarahsproule.com/evolve

and leave me your info.

That way I can let you know the next time I open The Evolve School –

so you'll be able to learn everything you need to know

about how to have these sorts of conversations and build more connection with your growing kid.

Sarah x

Consent is a funny one, isn’t it.

We might think it’s as simple as making a cup of tea, and then working out if the person wants to drink it or not.

Or as simple as working out what we want, and then just saying that thing.

But sometimes, it’s really, really not.

The thing is, often we have to balance consent

with responsibilities to other people.

We have to think about other people’s safety.

And what other people want and need.

For example, we can’t drive on whichever side of the road we like!

Because the road doesn’t only belong to us.

And so there are rules we all agree to follow.

Even if we don’t want to.

So how can we help our child, and model consent,

when they really, really don’t want to sit on the potty?

For more about how to model consent when our kid needs to do something they REALLY REALLY don’t want to do,

and for more ideas on how to help them in that moment,

listen to week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

‘My 8-year-old found a lump under her nipple, and I had a suspicion it could be breast buds.

I don’t remember myself if they hurt or not coming in, and I wasn’t able to talk to my own mother about anything to do with puberty.

I want to be there for my daughter, but it’s so hard when I had no advice or support passed down to me. So I feel quite lost.’

This is such a beautiful question. 

Because it’s about so much more than breasts growing. Isn’t it?

My answer comes from the Kindness pillar of the Evolved Family method, 

which helps us get ourselves into a really good place, 

so we can be there for our child in the way that we want to be. 

And NOT go on the old programming. 

(Or the total lack of programming.)

If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to support your kid as they grow their breasts, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

Ps. At the end, I mention a new mini workshop that would be great for you if you are having trouble starting conversations about all sorts of sensitive stuff with any child you have at home. To find out more, visit me at www.sarahsproule.com/sayit

‘How can I get my 5-year-old daughter to stop touching her little brother’s penis,  without shaming her? I’ve said that his penis is private, like her vulva is for her. But she keeps doing it.’  What a great question.   As parents, it’s good to talk about this.  Because when stuff like this happens with our kids,  we immediately think about horrible news stories of abuse and non-consent, and our minds go to some very scary places. So we really want to get this right.  But here’s the thing.   It’s actually NORMAL for kids to be curious about bodies.  Their own bodies and other people’s.   To hear more about this great question,  have a look at our video here. x Sarah  Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

‘How can I talk to my 7-year-old about body image?’

This parent’s young girl has started saying not very nice things about her own body, 

and has started expressing an interest in extremely skinny body types. 

(You can hear the whole question & story in this week’s podcast.)

This courageous but tongue-tied parent is confused, 

like many of us would be in her situation,

because she’s done everything right. 

She’s taught her kid about healthy eating, exercise and all the things. 

She’s never criticised her own body, or mentioned weight around her child. 

So how has this happened? 

As you can see, this is deep stuff.

If you’re feeling like you could use more support in this part of your parenting, and to hear much more about how to chat about body image with your kids, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car here - 

And I’ll see you there.

x Sarah

My 4 yr old is asking about my pills and I don't know what to tell them!”

The thing that scientists and our kids have in common is their curiosity devoid of judgment.

They seek information to give them an understanding.

Whereas most of us are conditioned to attach our preconceived ideas to information.

Minimal information in a situation like this is similar to stonewalling and the opposite of building connection.

So what can we do instead?

Practicing layering is a good place to start.

Our kid is constantly gathering info and so we can give this info to them in small bite sizes, often.

It’s also beneficial to remember that we’re also learning info about ourselves and that can sometimes be just as shocking as the questions we get asked. So we get to choose to be kind to ourselves and show compassion for where we are as we move towards where we want to be as parents.

Let’s also introduce some fun. How can we move from this being an awkward convo to it being informative and interesting for us and our kid(s).

We can offer our kid info in a way that builds connection, soothes our nervous system and gives them age-appropriate information.

You can find me over on https://www.instagram.com/iamsarahsproule/ to let me know how you get on and if these pointers were helpful.

x Sarah

‘What do you say when your 9-year-old daughter says she doesn’t want to have a period?’

This is such a good question -

and not just for parents of 9-year-olds who are thinking about periods,

but for all of us.

Cos this question is really about connection.

This week on Sitting in a Car, I remember when I got my first period.

Because my family didn’t talk about periods, I decided I wanted to keep my period a secret.

(You can hear how that worked out here.)

This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

I’ve a fantastic question for you this week. 

A parent writes,

‘How can I teach my 15-year-old daughter to say no 

when she’s in highly pressurised situations?’ 

My answer to this week’s question comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method – 

which helps us speak up about complicated things, 

using everyday situations,

in a way that builds deeper connection with our child(ren) as we do it. 

This is a super question because so many parents really don’t feel great about this bit of parenting. 

In the teenage years, we can feel a bit like our kid has drifted apart from us. 

We might feel our influence waning. 

We could feel a bit out of control, out of our depth. 

We might find ourselves saying things like, ‘You know you can always say no, right?’ 

And watching our teenager roll their eyes, and say, ‘I KNOW.’

And it's not a convo that feels very connected, or very good.

In fact, it’s MOST unhelpful!

So what can we do about it? 

If you feel like you could use some support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about how to teach your teen to say ‘No’ more easily, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

👀 Ok that was a bit dramatic.

The person asking the question for today’s episode isn’t considering cancelling her friendship, however she does want help in protecting her kids from the toxic views her friend holds on body image.

I suggested the following:

1. Having a convo about it with your kid(s) when your friend isn’t around
2. Empathising with your friend
3. Asking your friend for support

Have a listen so you can learn the exact wording (and adapt where needed) to help you use your courage to have an uncomfortable conversation with a loved one.

What is a silent connection breaker (3:53)

What to say to your kid(s) about your friend’s views (5:44)

How to empathise with your friend (7:54)

Formula to have that difficult convo and ask for help (9:38)

If you need support with handling your emotions, your kids or any adult’s in your life The Evolved Family Method is for you. You’re invited to join our community, so note your interest here.

Free body image resource

Do you know what you would say to your 7 & 10 yr old if they found intimate photos of you, that you had taken for your partner, on your phone?

That’s the question I’m answering today. What to do and say as Mum’s feeling embarrassed.

This is a beautiful opportunity to teach.

It’s also a great opportunity for you to learn and practice skills that help you notice when your unhelpful unconscious beliefs are impacting your ability to connect with your kid(s).

Kindness for yourself is so important when this happens.

Have a listen to the episode to find out my 3 tips on what to say and how to handle this situation.

x Sarah

Let’s talk about how to chat with your kid about puberty,

in a way that makes them feel supported

and able to come to you with any questions or worries they have as they grow up.

Here’s what A LOT of courageous but tongue-tied parents do,

when it comes to chatting about puberty.

They wait to chat with their kids about puberty,

until they begin to see the signs that their kid might be starting to go through it.

And THEN,

they have, or try to have, a conversation with their kid about it.

That makes sense, right?

But here’s the problem.

if you don’t talk about any of this stuff with your kid when they are younger and feeling relaxed in their body,

AND THEN suddenly out of the blue start talking about it with your kid while their body is already changing,

there’s going to be a *lot* of awkwardness.

But! Good news.

There are ways to prevent this.

For lots more about how to dive into the complexities of starting ongoing conversations with your kid

about puberty and so much more,

watch this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car here on Facebook.

x Sarah

Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

Hi there 

Do you know what it's like when you are trying to have a conversation and 'little ears' have their radar senses on?

You try and send cryptic messages back and forth or spell out words that you hope won't be understood by the kids hanging around.   

Like C.O.N.D.O.M. or E.R.E.C.T.I.O.N.  You know what I mean?

Given how early kids learn their alphabet these days, your window of opportunity for covert conversations is rather short.

So if your tween asks you questions about sexuality and consent, it can be stressful if your younger kids are nearby. 

Explaining about sex and reproduction, for example, requires thought and engagement and is a bit more involved than just spelling A.B.C.   

This week at TheTalk.ie we discuss why parents should seize these opportunities to include their younger children in these conversations and give you tips on how to explain complicated questions in simple terms. 

Click here to learn more (7 mins).

Once you’ve viewed or listened to the vlog, please share with me any comments or questions you may have by email at chat@thetalk.ie

I read and appreciate them all!

Sarah  x
 

PS. Once you’ve viewed or listened to the vlog, would you share with me any comments or questions you may have? Just hit reply to this email and get typing. I read and appreciate them all.

PPPS. Have you joined our Facebook group? Click here to join us. We are talking about parenting and the awkward conversations that happen when we are raising kids.

This week, a parent asks:
‘What if I say too much?
My 4yo asks questions about sex and I try to answer them, but I’m afraid I’ll freak him out.
Help!’

Do you have this fear?
That in doing your best to give your child all the info they need,
you’ll somehow go too far?

Many of us have felt this - and there’s a reason why.
We might have been told too little, or the wrong thing, when we were kids ourselves.
And maybe that made it feel a bit scary,
or even bad, or dangerous.

But you know what?

Human sexuality is not bad, or wrong, or dangerous.
Sex is neither good nor bad!
It’s just a normal part of life.

The other thing about this,
is that you already know how to give your kids information
in tiny pieces they can handle.

As parents, we play to our audience all the time.
We watch how our kids respond, and we go from there.
So the stuff you’re already doing every day as a parent,
will work for you here, too.

We have a few hacks - and a funny story from my own childhood for you this week :)
to help you feel comfortable,
and to help you know your kid will feel comfortable, too.

Sara

My 13-yr-old has started watching porn but doesn’t want to talk about it. 

He feels awkward when I try to discuss it with him as he says it’s weird. 

What can I do?

This is the question that I’m answering this week and I love this question because it give us a chance to really build a deeper connection with our kid(s).

The answer comes from the Courage pillar inside the Evolved Family Method which helps us build evolved, communicating families. 

Now, I’m sure you probably have your own thoughts/judgments around porn. 

And there’s no judgment around that. 

But how do we set those thoughts/judgments aside to have a useful convo with our 13-yr-old kid?

We want to make sure that they’re safe and have information that helps them to make healthy decisions. 

And let’s be honest, porn is bad sex education.

So, what is the “answer”? How do we help?

Connection builds. So we need to connect with our kid. 

If you’re asking how, it’s by following their lead. 

Let him help us learn HOW to talk to him about this stuff. 

Listen to the episode to learn three strategies to help you do this. 

These strategies are ones you will use over and over again. 

Parenthood is a journey that requires support. It takes a village. 

So if you would like the support of a village to learn new skills, strategies and have support whilst implementing, join the Evolve School waitlist. Sign up at www.sarahsproule.com/evolve and I’ll let you know as soon as the doors re-open. 

For now catch the strategies in this episode and be sure to let me know how you get on, if you use them.

x Sarah

‘If your 8-year-old child is not asking questions,

should you initiate the conversation?

How do you know what they’re ready to learn?’

This is such a great question, because it gets to the heart of what we think about s=e=x=.

And the answer to this question applies to children of every age.

In our video and podcast this week, there are loads of great ways to get this convo started, even if you’re both new at it.

‘How can I get on the same page as my ex/co-parent, 

when it comes to having sensitive conversations with our kids about sex, bodies, babies and all the things, so that we’re both saying the same thing?’

What a great question!

My answer this week comes from the Courage pillar of the Evolved Family method, which gives us the skills to chat about complex stuff, helps us create connection with our kids as we do it, and supports us to take action when we need to. 

Now, what a lot of us do, when we’re co-parenting with an ex, is hold off on having these sensitive conversations because frankly we’re worried about the conflict it might create.

And I get that.

Conflict with an ex is SO hard.

And conflict with an ex about how to parent around sensitive stuff, is just SUPER hard.

So we might try & talk our ex into agreeing to parent the way we do.

And we might send them articles, or YouTube videos, or an episode of Sitting In A Car.

And we might wait til there’s some kind of consensus, before saying anything to our kids.

The problem is… we know that our kids need to know this stuff.

And we know at some level that waiting, and not talking, isn’t what’s best for them.

So what do we do?

How can we co-parent with an ex, and have sensitive conversations with our kids at the times we need to have them, even if we parent in different ways, and don’t agree?

If you feel like you could use some more support for this part of your parenting, and to hear all about getting on the same page with your ex/co-parent about sensitive convos, join me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

Is it your fault that you can’t talk about sexuality, relationships, or consent with your kid?

This week, we’re gonna go there and talk about guilt.

To be specific - parenting guilt.

Guilt that we aren’t ‘doing better’ for our kids.

We all feel it.

This kind of guilt can come up for us not only around sensitive topics like sexuality, but at any parenting moment at all! 

It can come up at the shops, when your kid throws a wobbler in the queue.

Or it can come up when you feel you need to chat to your kid, but can't.

It feels like this:

‘I’m not doing a good enough job.’

‘I’m failing.’

Is it your fault? 

Short answer: No. Of course not.

If we find something difficult, it’s probably only because we haven’t yet got the skill set to feel comfortable doing it. 

If we were raised in a family, or a culture, where sensitive conversations were seen as dangerous, then our very biology thinks it’s dangerous. 

And so our body tries to protect us. And we feel that fear.

Is this your fault? No!

We can’t help our past. 

But! We can do plenty about our future. 

And that’s where learning to have sensitive convos, in tiny, tiny steps, can be so empowering, both for your kids and for you.

Sarah x

Let’s talk about the secret messages the world sends us… about PUBIC HAIR!

These messages tell us what is ‘ok’ for our body looks like… and what is ‘wrong’ for our body to look like.

This is a subject close to my own heart.

Like some of you, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with my own hair my whole life.

I love some bits of it!

And other bits of it drive me mad.

Join me on week’s episode of Sitting in A Car and let’s talk secrets about pubic hair.

x Sarah

Ps. My free workshop series ‘Become A Comfortable Parent’ is all about helping you to feel more at ease and confident having ongoing conversations with your kid(s). Most of us want to raise confident, caring young people who respect themselves and the people around them.

If you’d like to know when the next workshop starts, head on over to www.sarahsproule.com/comfortable

This week, a parent asks,

‘Does consent always have to be verbalised?’

What a great question this is.

Because words do indeed make things so much simpler!

Words are so much simpler than having to interpret body language, and whatever else.

Because all that stuff is HARD.

And you know what? It’s hard for adults, too.

Not just young people.

But here’s the thing.

When we think about consent, so often we get hung up on consent around intimacy and relationships.

But here’s the secret: consent is actually communication.

We’re constantly saying yes, no or maybe in our everyday life.

This is great news.

Because it means we can be practicing consent conversations all the time.

We can model consent for our kids.

And we can chat to them about what it feels like, to have our boundaries respected.

For example: there’s the ‘tickling game’.

If a kid says STOP TICKLING! and you stop straight away,

you can chat about that.

Or if your kid is bugging you to do something you don’t want to do,

you can chat about that, too.

And remember that we said, above, ^ that this stuff is hard for adults too? 

Well, you can even talk to your kid about that.

In fact it’s GOOD to talk about how hard it can be.

If you tell your kids ONLY that ‘no means no’ and things like that,

you’re leaving out quite an important bit -

which is how nuanced this stuff can be.

And that it can be hard to say things. And hard to listen.

And that it takes practice.

And that it’s hard for grown-ups, too.

But knowing consent is hard is ok!

We can learn how to do it.

Say it.

Feel it.

We have so much more to share with you on this brilliant topic.

And tools for you to use.

X Sarah 

I don’t want my kid to be that kid that knows about how we make new humans before the other kids do. 

But I also know they need the info.

What should I do? 

You can take a poll of what the other parents are doing. 

Find out when they plan to have the convos and wait until then... 

Or you can decide to do what’s best for you and your kid and prepare for whatever may come.

Learn some best practices on how to manage other people’s emotions.

Learn what questions to ask yourself so that, when faced with a similar scenario, you know what to do.

You might be thinking “Ok Sarah, you know I’m leaning towards the latter but what does that look like?”

Well, in this episode I share 3 ways to help you choose what’s best for you and your kid(s).

Minus the input of other people.

And remember if you ever feel alone in your journey or feel like you could use some more support join the waitlist for The Evolve School. 

x Sarah

This week’s question is a great one if you’re a single parent who has to do the puberty, bodies and sex bit of parenting on your own… 

Or if you DO have a partner, but they’re even less of a comfortable parent than you are!

This week’s question is,

‘Any advice if my partner doesn’t want to get involved in talking to our kids about sex?’

In a way, this question is about consent.

Not all of us are comfortable or able to do all the bits of parenting!

I have a story for you this week about that from my own family

(Watch this episode of Sitting In A Car to hear it).

Yes, our children benefit hugely from open, comfortable convos about bodies, puberty and sex.

But no-one should feel pressured to go against their abilities and feelings of comfort, and maybe even their feelings of safety.

Join me for Sitting In A Car to learn more ways to do your best parenting and talk about sensitive things.

x Sarah

‘Should you talk to your 6-year-old about pleasure?

And if so,

how should you do it?’

The parent who wrote in with this question also said,

‘I can talk about procreation, but I can’t jump to pleasure!

What do I do now?’

This is such a great conversation to have!

Because, if you think about it,

we are so careful, and spend so much time, learning how to talk to our kids

about sperms and eggs and how we make new humans.

But… most sex that humans have, is because sex feels nice!

It’s not to make new babies.

So how on earth do we talk about that?

For more thoughts about this fascinating and complex topic,

about why we should talk about pleasure with our kids starting from when they’re very small,

and scripts and ideas for how to do it,

have a listen to this week’s episode.

Hi There,

A lot of the times, Christmas brings a huge change of schedule your family.

Often times this means you are spending a lot more time with your kid(s) than usual.

More time = more chances to talk about sensitive stuff.

This week’s episode of sitting in a car gives you an example of how to link conversations about s=e=x=uality with the Christmas theme! Random! It’s a short and sweet episode with a very weird but also exciting Christmas tree that I got given as a present. I LOVE it!

So (if you celebrate it) Happy Christmas to you and your family from me and my family – may your days be merry and bright. And have a wonderful break where ever you are.

x Sarah

Ps. If your kid is 8 or older there is a good chance that they will become s=e=x=ually active in this next decade! Is that shocking?!?! Don’t worry, you aren’t alone! I’m planning something to help you next year. It’s going to calm your worries about raising your kid to have the information, skills and support to make good decisions and care for themselves and others around s=e=x=.

I’ll let you know more next year 🤜🤛

‘What will my child have missed out on in sex ed because they haven’t been in school for 4 months?’

We’ve a question this week

for parents whose kids have been home from school for what feels like forever.

Which is most of us.

Here’s something reassuring.

What’s wonderful about learning is that it doesn’t take place only in the classroom.

There’s lots of other places and ways that kids learn.

And that’s relevant here.

Check out the website https://amaze.org

Let's chat about boundaries.

A parent who wrote in, has an over-enthusiastic kid

Who loves to hug and embrace and touch all the time!

And this parent’s not fully comfortable with this,

but of course doesn’t want to shame her child.

This is a super question.

My answer comes from the courage pillar of the Evolved Family method,

which looks at the skills we need to step up and speak out about super sensitive topics.

A situation like this is a great opportunity

to teach our kid about consent.

So often, when we think about consent,

we think about teaching our kid to speak up for themselves,

and how to say no when they need to say no.

But another really important part of consent,

is learning to listen to other people’s needs.

If you want to learn more about that,

visit www.sarahsproule.com/evolve and put your name down

to find out when The Evolve School opens next.

In the meantime, to hear much more about how to hold gentle but firm boundaries without shame,

and how to help our kids get what they need,

spend some time with me on this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car x

Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

Hi there

From an early age, our kids often question things we say.  The 'But how?' and 'Why?' phase of their development are probably pretty familiar to you. It’s pretty fresh in my memory, that’s for sure! 

Because of these inevitable questions, we often have to add context to our answer to their questions. 

For example, there is no point talking to children about contraception if they don't know about the sperm and the egg.  Until they know ‘How’ and ‘Why’, it just won’t make sense.

To avoid confusion, there can be a sequence of information sharing that makes sense for most kids. 

This week at Thetalk.ie we give parents tips and advice on how to lay the foundations for talking your younger children about contraception in a way that kids can process and understand.

Click here to learn more or listen online (5 mins).

Once you have viewed or listened to the vlog, please share with me any comments or questions you may have by email at chat@thetalk.ie

I read and appreciate them all!

Sarah x

You’ve been trusted with some new information about your tween and you’ve been over to Google to get help and come up short. What now?

In this week’s episode we’re diving into the courage and growth pillars to learn how we can continue building our evolved communicating family. Connection is such an important piece of the foundation and will support the rest. Have a listen as this episode, although answering a question about how to handle your tween’s sexual orientation provides information that can be used time and time again, no matter the topic.

Tongue-tied parenting effect (2:37)

Is giving the information more important than the connection with your kid? (3:59)

How can we apologise? Is it necessary? (6:14)

Book resources (10:43)

Let’s Talk About It by Erika Moen & Matthew Nolan

Wait, what? by Heather Corrina

Sex Educated by Grace Alice O’Shea & Sexual Health West

The Evolve School Doors are open!

You can learn how to build deeper connections whilst talking about sensitive stuff, really complex stuff, related to sex, bodies and relationships through The Evolved Family Method. With practical support & skills you’ll get the tools to help you raise your confident, caring and respectful young person. Learn more here about what is involved and join us if it calls to you.

Hey there!

Happy New Year!!

We are starting a new decade. How shocking is that??

Time is speeding by. Will your kid grow into an adult in the next 10 years? If your kid is 8 or older, the answer to that question is a very big YES!

And it is quite possible that your kid will have sex in this new decade. Let’s get real … few of us like to think about that but it’s the reality.

And many loving parents want to make sure they provide their kid with the information, skills and support they need to speak up for themselves, stay safe, be happy and healthy.

Whether your kid wants to have sex or not when they get older, they will DEFINITELY need all the emotional intelligence, the communication skills and the assertiveness to stand up for what is right for them in the areas of s=e=x= and s=e=x=uality.

You can help them with all that BUT here’s the thing …

… you have to take the first step to being able to talk about sensitive stuff like consent, self respect, s=e=x=ual assault, love and lots of other stuff.

What is the first step YOU can take? And do you need help?

Happy New Year!

x Sarah

‘How can I talk to my 7-year-old about body image?’

This parent’s young girl has started saying not very nice things about her own body,

and has started expressing an interest in extremely skinny body types.

(You can hear the whole question & story in this week’s podcast.)

This courageous but tongue-tied parent is confused,

like many of us would be in her situation,

because she’s done everything right.

She’s taught her kid about healthy eating, exercise and all the things.

She’s never criticised her own body, or mentioned weight around her child.

So how has this happened?

As you can see, this is deep stuff.

If you’re feeling like you could use more support in this part of your parenting, and to hear much more about how to chat about body image with your kids, have a listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car here -

And I’ll see you there.

x Sarah

Ps.This episode is a gentle reminder about this past question on Sitting in a Car and how my answer can support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family but you’ve forgotten about in the swirl of family life x

I have a story for you this week

about a time the kids and I talked about masturbation.

It involves a car journey, and some talk radio.

(You can hear the whole story in this week’s podcast.)

First, some misconceptions.

Some people think

that only boy children need chats about masturbation. Right?

Nope!

All kids need chats about how touching our own bodies, including the private bits,

is perfectly ok and a normal part of life.

And some people think

that the right kid's age to have chats about masturbation is just before puberty. Right?

Nope again!

You can actually start chatting about how and where we touch the private bits of our our body,

when kids are age 4 or even younger.

In fact, it’s good to normalise this part of how the body works,

and to teach rules and boundaries around it,

when kids are really small.

This is how we avoid shame for our kids.

‘Whose job is it to talk to our 12-year-old boy about sex?’

What a great question. 

Is it a mum’s job to talk to a young teen boy about sex, puberty and relationships? 

Or is that the job of a male parent? 

Here’s the thing. 

Parents are just people! 

And we all have different things we’re good at. 

So who should do the talking depends on what our personal skills are. 

What if you BOTH find it terrifying and awkward?!

Well, then, think of it this way. 

Could one or both of you push yourselves out of your comfort zone, just a tiny bit? 

Could you find tiny, tiny ways, to move the conversation forward? 

Some aspects of parenting, we do because they come naturally. 

And some don’t come naturally at all! But maybe we can decide to stretch ourselves a liiiiittttle bit.

Because we know how much our kids will benefit if they feel they can talk to us.

And let’s face it, if they’re happy, we’re happy. 

Sarah x 

This week, let’s talk about not being able to talk.

See if you recognise this.
You’re with your kid. Something comes on the car radio, or the telly.
A horrible news story, about rape, or abuse, or something like that.

You feel it in your body. I need to say something.
But you can’t.
And you don’t. And the moment passes.

Been there? We all have.

It can be so painful, to feel so keenly that the moment is now, for you to speak,
and to not be able to find the words.

But here’s the thing.

The point is to talk, even a little bit -
even if all you talk about, is not being able to talk.

It’s not only ok to do this with your kids - it’s actually quite good.
It models for them that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
And it tells them that there’s no unsafe place to go, when it comes to chatting with you.

We have scripts for you, to make these convos about convos, easier.
And before you know it, it’ll be easier for you too.

And here we are, 

All in our homes.

With our kids.

Trying to work out this new weird normal.

This week I’m talking about the moment I realised I couldn’t do it all anymore now that the kids were home … All. The. Time. 

And by ‘it’ I mean, the work that I’d committed to do for others.

Accepting our limits can be one of the kindest, most compassionate things we can do for ourselves.

That includes the limits you feel having sensitive conversations with your kid.

This week, listen as I tell the story of how I gave up doing an impossible thing and experienced the kindness of the people around me.

And I talk about having the MOST difficult conversations with our older children.

In that same vein, this week’s episode of Sitting In A Car is audio only as I get to grips with all the other family stuff that is taking up so much of my time .

I hope to be back to usual next week.

Until then, would you like to join me in being realistic about what you can accomplish this week?

Listen here or here.

Xx Sarah

Ps. There’s nothing to write as a post script today … because I realise I don’t have the brain space to think of anything to write here. Everything is fine. I just need to prioritise my time differently at the moment.

‘I’m a trans dad and I want to be able to talk to my girls about sex in all its forms.

How can I approach chats about non-traditional relationships?’

There are three things to think about, when you’re having chats like this with your kids.

It’s so important to teach our kids that they don’t have to fit into a mould,

and be who the world tells them they should be!

And that they can just be fully themselves.

And indeed, doesn’t the world tell us quite narrow, quite fixed things sometimes

about what s=e=x is,

and what gender is, and what relationships are?

But of course we know that the options for who we grow up to be is so much wider and wonderful than that.

So if we can chat with our kids about how the world teaches us very limiting ideas about relationships,

we can help them to grow into whomever they are.

And for much more about exactly how to have chats with your kids

in ways that leave loads of room for our kids’ uniqueness and the amazing diversity of life,

listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

Ps. This is a gentle reminder of how to support even more connection between you and your growing kid. Because sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of the things you wanted to talk about in your family, but you’ve forgotten about it in the swirl of family life x

Hi There,

The question from a parent this week is “How can I make sure my child knows it’s ok to say ‘No’?

So many of us want to make sure that our kid doesn’t have the experience we had. Remember that time at school you felt pressured to do something you didn’t want to do?

I’m not talking about abuse. That’s a whole other thing. What we are talking about today are those usual, everyday things that we sometimes do that we don’t want to.

Share our lunch.

Kiss someone.

Walk the long way instead of the shorter way we’d rather take.

So this week I give you three ideas that will make it easier to talk to your kid about ‘No’.

And don’t forget, this is your last chance to get your tickets to ‘It’s Awkward, But It Doesn’t Have to Be. Get Talking to Your Kid about Sex’ here (https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/its-awkward-but-it-doesnt-have-to-be-get-talking-to-your-kid-about-sex-tickets-76767065359?aff=ebdssbeac)

Sarah x

This week’s question might strike fear into your heart J

‘What’s the best way to deal with oral sex questions?’ :0

I remember a very unexpected conversation with one of my own kids on this very subject. 

It was bedtime.

I was reading the bedtime story. 

As you can imagine, I wasn’t prepared. 

There was even a moment during the convo where I realised, ‘I don’t want to answer any more questions!’

(You can watch me tell that story in the video here or have a listen on the podcast here.)

But here the thing I learned from that experience.

We don’t need to tell our kid EVERYTHING. 

It’s ok to operate from within our own level of comfort. 

It’s even ok to say, ‘That’s a really good question! I’m going to think about it and get back to you, because I want to make sure I get it right.’

What’s interesting about this topic, 

is that it’s not only about

“How do I talk about the actual nitty gritty of ‘what happens’.”

It’s also about consent. 

It’s ALSO about the fact that we are all different and like different things. 

And you can reassure your kid that they NEVER have to do anything like this if they don’t want to do

This week, we’ve broken this topic into small, manageable chunks. 

We have a few scripts for you, and some great things to think about.

Don’t forget, as your kid grows up they’ll learn what their body likes, 

and by the way, not wanting to do ANY sexual thing at all is ok too. 

This question is a great one.

Because it’s about how we parent in a broken world.

I have a story for you this week. It’s about my child saying ‘too much’ to a kid whose parents weren’t ready for their kid to learn about sex.

Boy, was it awkward.

It had real repercussions.

(You can hear about it by listening to the whole episode.)

The fact is, kids talk.

And the reality also is, some grown-ups don’t think it’s right for kids to know facts about sex, puberty and bodies.

Or, maybe these parents want to talk, but they don’t know how.

So they just say nothing.

The difficulty is this. We know that it’s really important for our kids to have accurate information about sex from trusted grown-ups.

It gives kids a feeling of comfort and normality around the subject.

It means that far, far into the future, when they’re adults, they’re better able to keep themselves happy and safe, and the people around them too.

And it helps that our kids know that if ever they have questions,

or if something goes a bit wrong,

they can come to us.

Those are great reasons!

To hear more about this tricky but super-important subject,

and to hear my story about how awkward it can be (I’ve been there!),

have a look at this week's Sitting in a Car.

Here’s a great question about what you can do when a kid does something developmentally normal, 

but which is not socially acceptable - 

or which might even upset you a little bit.

‘My son likes to wave his penis at me every time he’s naked - including at the pool. What do I do?’  

The great thing to know about quandaries like this, is that you can deal with them using the parenting toolbox you already have.

Did you know that? 

The everyday parenting strategies we already use, work exactly as well with sensitive conversations. 

Isn’t that great? 

So if you want to set down some agreements for at home, or talk about rules at the pool, you can use, for example, the great parenting tool of collaborating with your kids.

Or you can use distraction! Or humour.

Or whatever you do in your family. 

The other thing to think about, when a body part gets waved your way, is your own consent. 

Are you ok with it? Or are you not? 

YOUR consent is important, not just your kid’s. 

And not just the rules at the pool.

Setting boundaries to care for yourself, is a wonderful lesson for your child about consent: 

how to ask for it, and how to respect it.  

As usual we've got lots of hacks for you, and lots of stories. 

Have a look here or listen here.

Sarah x

‘I’m a trans dad and I want to be able to talk to my girls about sex in all its forms. 

How can I approach chats about non-traditional relationships?’ 

There are three things to think about, when you’re having chats like this with your kids.

It’s so important to teach our kids that they don’t have to fit into a mould, 

and be who the world tells them they should be!

And that they can just be fully themselves.  

And indeed, doesn’t the world tell us quite narrow, quite fixed things sometimes 

about what s=e=x is, 

and what gender is, and what relationships are? 

But of course we know that the options for who we grow up to be is so much wider and wonderful than that. 

So if we can chat with our kids about how the world teaches us very limiting ideas about relationships, 

we can help them to grow into whomever they are. 

And for much more about exactly how to have chats with your kids

in ways that leave loads of room for our kids’ uniqueness and the amazing diversity of life,  

listen to this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

‘My 9-year-old son is very self-conscious every morning with an erection. How can I talk to him?’

This week’s episode has something for everyone, not just people with a pen-is.

Because it’s not REALLY about pen-ises and erections.

It’s about: how do we help our kids grow up without body shame?

Since we are all hanging around with our kids in the house so much more right now, this question might be more relevant for you.

You might have noticed things about your child(ren) that you’ve not noticed before.

The thing about body shame is this.

If our kid(s) feel shame about their bodies, then they’re less able to be confident about their body and their whole self.

When they’re less confident, they’re less able to speak up for what they need to keep themselves safe and happy.

Not just in their everyday life but in their future intimate lives too.

So the thing that’s so great about this question is that there are lessons here for us no matter what sort of child we are raising.

Because shame about bodies, is not something that only happens to people with pen-ises. It happens to all of us.

And there are things we can do, to help our kids avoid this shame.

We can give our child permission to have a body that looks and does whatever it needs to, even if our young person feels uncomfortable about it.

We can say, “This is a normal thing that bodies do”. 

We can talk about how funny it is that people don’t talk about this normal thing that bodies do.

And we (the caring adult) can take responsibility for the fact that, up til now, we might not haven’t talked inside our family about all the sorts of normal things that bodies do.

I have a story for you this week.

It’s about something that happened to me when I was giving birth to one of my kids.

I had an experience of feeling shame and shock about something my body was doing.

Nobody had spoken to me about this unpleasant thing, even though it was very common and normal.

So believe me, I get this.

And I bet you do too.

And by the way, it’s ok if you find this part of parenting hard!

We have some great scripts and ideas for you, to make it easier.

Watch this episode here, or listen to the podcast version, on iTunes or Spotify.

x Sarah

Ps. Would you like some extra support with these sorts of conversations?

On May 25th at 8pm I’m starting my FREE webinar series called Become A Comfortable Parent.

Save your spot here (link www.sarahsproule.com/comfortable) so you don’t miss out.

Can’t wait to hang out with you soon!

There can be a lot of conflicting advice around raising kids. 

So who do we listen to when our kid, along with his friends, has been asking other kids to pull down their pants to see their genitals? 

Immediately we might think:

• Omg, my kid is pressuring other kids to do things they don’t want to do! 
• Will he not ask for consent when he’s older? 
• What kind of kid have I raised? I’ve failed!
• What will other parents say?
• [insert your own immediate reaction]

And anything that comes up is valid.

Because we know what the world outside of our homes is like.

However, it’s also important to remember that behaviour is communication. 

So, no you haven’t failed! 

Our kid is just letting us know, through his actions, that he needs more information.

So, how do we get him the information he needs to understand consent and respecting other people’s bodies?

This episode gives you 3 options you can use with your 6yo to give him the information that he needs.

Of course, first ruling out that there is nothing untoward happening to him or his friends,

such as an adult having asked them to pull down their pants,

and then we can practice consent and respect in a safe and loving space. 

You’re encouraged to remember that raising confident and caring kids is not always easy. 

So please do be kind to yourself. 

Especially if you didn’t have many role models for this style of parenting.

If that’s the case for you my diary is open to have a chat about the specific needs of you and your family. 

Visit www.sarahsproule.com/bio to book a chat with me here.

Until next week’s episode of Sitting in a Car,

x Sarah