Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast (Dana Che - Christian Speaker & Marriage Coach)

Expectations play a vital role in shaping marriages. In part two of my conversation with Mark and Jill Savage, we explore how four expectations in marriage can set a couple up for success. Expectations will either bring two people closer together or create a rift between them. This is why it’s important to learn to manage expectations within marriage. As a marriage coach, I've had the privilege of excavating the intricacies of marriages that, at their core, are molded by the expectations we hold. The Savages and I share personal experiences from our marriage journeys of rebuilding after infidelity. Listen and learn how understanding and realigning expectations can greatly impact and enhance your marriage.

Key Takeaways: 

• See Conflict as a Catalyst for Growth:
  Conflict should be expected and embraced in a relationship. 
• Learn to Navigate Disappointments:
  Accept that disappointment is part of any partnership. 
• Continue Investing in Your Marriage:
  Just like any worthwhile endeavor, marriage requires ongoing education and investment. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Download my "Ultimate Couple's Checklist": 5 Simple Steps for Building More Intimacy in Your Marriage

Learn More About Mark & Jill Savage's marriage resources

Love the show? Be sure to give it a 5-star rating, and I'd love to read your positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When trust is broken in a marriage, many couples feel like marriage restoration is impossible and all hope is lost. However, Mark and Jill Savage’s journey reveals how marriages can heal and even thrive after infidelity. In this episode, they share their incredible testimony of a renewed marriage after a period marked by betrayal, depression, a mid-life crisis, and near-divorce. Their story offers incredible insights and encouragement for anyone who feels hopeless in their marriage.

Their marriage restoration story is nothing short of a miracle and an incredible testament to the restorative power of forgiveness and repentance. 

This was such a great conversation that I had to break it up into two parts! 

Listen to part one today and be encouraged that ANYTHING is possible to the one who believes.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

No More Perfect Podcast

Learn More About Mark & Jill’s Story & Services

Get Your Free Ultimate Couple’s Checklist 

Thanks for listening! Please give the podcast a 5-star rating and write a review is this episode encourages you. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

It's Faith Friday! Join us as we delve into this inspiring message of how to hold joy and pain at the same time. Exploring personal insights and relatable experiences, we navigate the complexity of emotions and the understanding of how our spirit and heart integrate. From finding hope in scriptures to overcoming despair through faith, we share stories of choosing joy amidst life’s challenges. Tune in to discover the power of faith and find strength in every circumstance.  

Psalm 42:5 “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”  

We can learn from Paul and Silas by unpacking their story of praise amidst pain in Acts chapter 16.  

Something to ponder: In times of adversity, how can we follow the example of Paul and Silas in choosing to praise and hold onto faith, even when faced with challenging circumstances?  

Thank you for joining us on this faith-filled journey. Remember, you, too, can hold joy and pain simultaneously, finding strength and hope in every circumstance. Check out my Instagram for more faith-filled content!  

To stay updated with show notes, helpful articles, and more relationship tips, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com.   

We'd love for you to rate, review, and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast, as your support enables us to continue delivering valuable relationship content to people worldwide!

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Get your copy of our latest devotional Love Is!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

It's Faith Friday and also the three-year anniversary of Real Relationship Talk! Our faith focus is from Nehemiah 8:10, which reminds us about the power of joy and celebration. 

Nehemiah 8:10: And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”

The enemy would have us focused on the trauma, pain, and hardships so we will be zapped of our strength. This is his tactic to steal our joy - OUR STRENGTH!

Praise God as you wait on your answer and remember, let the joy of the Lord be your strength!

Join me for this conversation and learn how joy and celebration can impact your life. 

Some questions to ponder: 

1. How can I celebrate and cultivate joy in my relationships?

2. How can I guard against the enemy’s tactic to steal my joy and strength in my relationships?

I'd love to hear your faith find from today's episode. After you listen to the episode, share your faith find (or takeaway) as a review on the podcast, or feel free to message me on Instagram.
  

To stay updated with show notes, helpful articles, and more relationship tips, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com. 

We'd love for you to rate, review, and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast as your support enables us to continue delivering valuable relationship content to people across the world! 

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Get your copy of our latest devotional "Love Is"!

Learn more about all I do at https://danache.com.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

After an affair, most spouses want to know if they should stay or leave their spouse. Infidelity, I know, can be incredibly painful, but it is oh-so-important to discuss. As part of our ongoing miniseries, "Healing After Infidelity," I'm here to tackle a question that many of you have likely grappled with: "Are you committed to rebuilding your marriage?" Whether you're in the thick of betrayal or still grappling with the aftermath, I hope to offer guidance and encouragement as you navigate this challenging terrain.

Infidelity, as many of us know, can tear at the very fabric of a relationship, leaving a trail of hurt and confusion. When I think about the conversations I’ve had—whether through coaching or discovery calls—one thing is clear: the question often emerges, "Do I put forth the effort to save my marriage, or is it time to move on?" In this episode, I share five critical questions you need to consider before making such a profound decision.

Be sure to listen to the very end and get my free resource to help you rebuild your marriage. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Healing from Infidelity? Get my "Affair Checklist" to guide you along your journey.

Ep. 102 - 12 Steps to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

Ep.236 - What To Do If My Spouse Has Had Multiple Affairs

Like the show? Be sure to give it a five-star rating and a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What a year it has been! As we wrap up 2024, I can't help but reflect on all the moments that have shaped us this year. Whether you're celebrating the goals you crushed or learning from the challenges you faced, let's take a moment to acknowledge the journey.

In this episode, we explored the highs and lows of the year, shared stories of triumph and growth, and looked ahead with hope for what 2025 may hold. Here's a glimpse of what we discussed:

• The importance of celebrating both big and small victories.
• How to carry forward goals into the new year with optimism.
• The significance of shared goals and renewed commitments in relationships.
• Encouragement to have unwavering hope and faith for the future.

As we step into 2025, I invite you to renew your commitments, both personal and relational, and to navigate the new year with intentionality. Remember, if you did it before, you can do it again!

Wishing you a happy and fulfilling new year, filled with purpose and legacy!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your Free “Ultimate Couple’s Checklist” for Creating Lasting Intimacy in Your Marriage

How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage

Like the show? Please give it a 5-star rating and share a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

If we’re honest, we all deal with jealousy from time to time. Have you ever wondered how not to be consumed by jealousy when you see others enjoying what you desire? Welcome to another Faith Friday episode of Relationship Talk. In today's episode, we're diving back into the topic of jealousy and how to overcome it. Last week, we talked about handling jealousy from others, but today, it's all about what to do when we find ourselves struggling with jealousy.

Scripture on Jealousy

 James 4:1-3: What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong - you want only what will give you pleasure. 

What do you do when you’re jealous of something or someone in your life? Maybe it's someone else's relationship, career, or blessings. The first antidote to jealousy is simple: ask God. But ask with the right motives. Reflect on why you desire what you're asking for. If your motives are purely self-serving, it may not align with God's plan for you. 

Check out the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/196 and learn the two antidotes for jealousy.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Ep. 194: Haters Gon’ Hate - Dealing with Jealous People

Ep. 170: When Heaven is Silent - The Truth Behind Unanswered Prayer

Sign up for my brand-new “From Conflict to Connection” course

Get your FREE “Speak Life” audio affirmations download here

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How do you build a stronger marriage? Often, marriage is often seen as a path to happiness and companionship. But through my experiences and insights shared in this episode, I challenge this notion by inviting you to see marriage as a tool for personal and spiritual growth. This episode wraps up our three-part mini-series, "Mended: God's Plan for Marriage," where we explore the deep-seated essence of marriage, emphasizing resilience, growth, and alignment with your divine purpose.

The episode begins with a recent sermon I preached at my church, highlighting the importance of resilience in marriage. The power of marriage often remains untapped because people focus too much on personal happiness and having their needs met rather than understanding the greater purpose of marriage . . . what I call the "secret sauce" of marriage: realizing that marriage is about more than just personal satisfaction—it's about helping each other become more like Christ.

This is a powerful episode with the potential to change how you view your spouse and your marriage forever. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Listen to the full sermon here. 

Learn more about my brand new course: Infidelity Intensive 

Remember to give the podcast a 5-star rating and write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Resist & Overcome Temptation 

Temptation comes knocking on all of our doors. We all face it, and it can be hard to resist regardless of where we are on our faith journey. We’re diving deep into a topic that resonates with all of us: how to overcome temptation. 

Let's acknowledge it—the temptation is universal. It doesn't discriminate based on how spiritual or morally upright you are. Even Jesus faced temptation, showing us that temptation isn't a sin. Understanding this helps us avoid the spiral of shame that often accompanies temptation.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture on resisting temptation is this: 

1 Corinthians 10:13: The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

Keep listening as I share five steps to overcome temptation. 

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Connect with me on Instagram @MrsDanaChe. Keep your week faith-filled, and I'll catch you on the next episode. Take care!

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your free affirmations audio: Speak Life! here. 

For the full podcast show notes, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com/188. 

SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT 

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

There are times in marriage when the connection between spouses starts to fade, leaving one or both feeling distant or even absent. Understanding the reasons behind this disconnection is crucial to finding the path back to a fulfilling and loving relationship In this episode, we address four common reasons for a spouse's absence and provide practical solutions to reignite the flame of connection.

I'll give you a teaser. The first reason a spouse goes absent is due to chronic disappointment.

One of the primary reasons for marital disconnection is chronic disappointment. When expectations are unmet, a gap forms between what we anticipate in our relationships and the reality we experience. This disappointment can lead to bitterness and resentment.

Find the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/219.

Resources and Links in this Episode:

1. Join our Christian Marriages & Relationships Group.
2. Take the “How Connected Are You?” Partner Quiz.
3. Listen to Episode 134: “Feeling, Healing, and Dealing with Rejection”

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Google Podcasts | Podcast Addict |

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Do you ever wonder how to find your purpose? Many of us ask, "Why am I here? What is the meaning of it all?” Today's Faith Friday episode explores this profound internal question. We’ll dive into the core of our existence, offering insight into uncovering and fulfilling your life's purpose. 

The Search for Purpose 

Statistics show that 57% of people in the US are actively seeking more meaning and purpose in their lives. Moreover, only 10% claim to know their life's purpose, with a mere 5% living in alignment with it. This suggests that most people feel adrift, wanting a clearer sense of purpose. 

The Quest for Meaning - A Universal Experience 

You're not alone if you're grappling with how to find your purpose. Even King Solomon, renowned as the wisest man in biblical history, faced existential questions. In Ecclesiastes 2:9-11, Solomon reflects on the vanity of his worldly accomplishments despite his immense wealth and wisdom. 

Ecclesiastes 2:9-11 NLT  9. So I became greater than all who had lived in Jerusalem before me, and my wisdom never failed me. 10. Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. 11. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere. 

Thank you for joining this insightful Faith Friday episode! For the full show notes from this episode, click here Real Relationship Talk Podcast. Share your thoughts and feedback on today's episode via Instagram @MrsDanaChe.  As you embark on your faith journey, may your life be filled with wonder and purpose. 

ALSO LISTEN TO: 5 Powerful Principles for Waiting in Hope 

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Before deciding to divorce, some couples ponder living separately. With the recent revelations by Jada Pinkett Smith about her in-home separation from Will Smith, we're discussing the pros and cons of living apart while married, including my own experiences and insights about when Shaun and I "separated" within our marriage.

Jada Pinkett Smith's new book, Worthy, reveals that Jada and Will Smith have been separated for seven years, although not divorced. There are many questions people have about the concept of in-home separation in marriages, and this episode helps to address some of those.

Key Take-Aways

In-Home Separation: It’s best to set boundaries and parameters if you live separated and married.

Purpose of Marriage: What is the real purpose of marriage? 

Seeking Help: If you are considering living separated and married, first seek help. 

Don't Care What People Think: Don’t stay in a marriage because of societal expectations or fear of what people might think. 

Don't Give Up: Your marriage still has life in it. Don't give up on your marriage quickly. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Need marriage coaching? Schedule your discovery call today.

Take my free "How Connected a Partner Are You" Quiz!

SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT 

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Allison, a listener who's torn between her husband and her family of origin, wrote to ask my advice on navigating how to honor her marriage while also honoring her family, as her husband "hates" the family she grew up with. Because of past family trauma, Allison was estranged from her parents when she and her husband married. She has since reconciled with them, but her husband's not on board. Listen as I share relationship advice about how to avoid becoming a defacto mediator between the two. If you've struggled with setting boundaries with family, unforgiveness, or feeling in the middle of spouse and others, this episode is for you. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Learn more about my Thrive Wives group coaching program 

Have a relationship question you want me to answer on the show? Submit your question here.

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow, too! **

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Do you ever wonder if staying in your marriage just to please God is a good enough reason to endure? Today's question from a listener who is wondering this very thing sparked a great conversation about what are the valid reasons to separate or divorce your spouse if you're a Christian. Is staying with your spouse just because the Bible says so or you feel pressure because of your church or religious beliefs enough? Listen as we broach this very timely and important subject that every Christian marriage needs to hear. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Ep. 135 - How to Know When It's Time to Divorce

Get your FREE Speak Life Audio Affirmations Here

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Have you ever felt an unexpected attraction towards someone who should be off-limits, like a friend's spouse? In today's episode, we answer a listener's dilemma about finding herself attracted to her best friend's husband—all while she's navigating a rocky marriage of her own.

In this episode, I'll walk through steps on how to handle these sensitive situations without jeopardizing friendships and marriages. We'll discuss:

• Understanding the nature of attraction, and why it's not inherently wrong.

• How to identify what might be lacking in your own relationship.

• The importance of not idolizing or comparing and keeping things in perspective.

• Practical advice on how to limit interactions and keep temptations in check.

• The value of confiding in a trusted friend to disempower unhealthy fantasies.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Deepen your understanding of real love with the Love Is devotional. 

Like the show? Please give it a 5-star rating and a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I received a question from a listener whose husband wants to leave the marriage to seek “personal happiness.” She faces the difficult decision of whether to wait for him to find clarity or to move forward with divorce after their 24 years together, of which 13 were spent in marriage.

Here are some of the highlights from the episode:

Understanding Where Happiness is Found: I discussed the common misconception that happiness is a destination. In reality, happiness is a choice you make. Chasing after it without internal work is often fruitless.

Purposeful Separation & Marriage Goals Even Here: If separation is the route chosen, it should be approached with clear goals. Arranging a separation with a mutually agreed-upon purpose and timeframe can help both spouses understand what they truly want from the future.

Working on Yourself No Matter the Outcome: I applauded my listener for seeking therapy and emphasized the importance of continuing personal growth, regardless of her husband's decisions.

The Power of Forgiveness: Even when reconciliation is not possible, pursuing forgiveness can free individuals from bitterness and resentment, enabling them to heal and move forward positively.

When considering separation, it’s important to ask whether everything that could be done to save the marriage has been tried before deciding on divorce. This way, even if the marriage ends, you’ll know you gave it all you could give.

If you have any questions or issues in your marriage that you'd like me to address, feel free to reach out via my website or on Instagram.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

The "7 Secret Marriage Rules" audio

For those of you considering a similar path, I suggest listening to my episode with Dr. Kim Kimberling, "Five Boxes to Check Before You Divorce" (Episode 245), to thoroughly evaluate your decision.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When someone we love needs support, jumping into advice-giving mode is easy. Instead, we should ask these three powerful questions before dishing out solutions: Do you need a hug? Do you need help? Do you need to be heard? Beginning conversations with these questions deepens our connection and communicates respect, trust, and genuine concern. Recently, one of my marriage coaching clients shared that he started asking his wife three questions when he felt she needed his support. I’m calling it the "hug, help, hear" framework.  Listen to today’s episode as I share personal stories about maintaining boundaries, empathic listening, and fostering genuine connections in relationships.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters Guide for Communicating in Conflict here. 

Episode 89: 7 Steps to Become a Better Listener 

Find the full show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com. 

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Remember to  SUBSCRIBE to the Podcast!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Have you ever experienced resentment or boredom in your relationship? A listener wants to know how to overcome feeling stuck between not wanting to be around her husband and not wanting to divorce him either. She acknowledges that while she's trying to work on communication, she's struggling to find motivation and is unsure about the next steps for her marriage.

Listen in as we discuss how resentment happens, its relationship to unforgiveness, and some practical steps to take when living in a boring marriage. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

🔗 Ep. 88: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships

🔗 Protect or Rebuild Your Marriage from Infidelity 

Got a marriage or relationship question you’d like answered on the podcast? Submit your questions at rebuildinguspodcast.com or DM on Instagram.

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Remember to  SUBSCRIBE to the Podcast!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

All is not lost after an affair. You and your marriage can become more resilient and stronger from what could’ve destroyed you. Shame says, “You are damaged. You are bad.” But that is not true. You can truly rise above shame and have hope even after an affair. Shaun is back on the podcast today, and we’re discussing what we learned from our affairs. This conversation will help all who have been affected by the impact of infidelity in your relationship and will help you believe the journey toward healing and rebuilding trust is attainable. 

In this episode, Shaun and I talk about some “hidden blessings” we’ve learned along the way and encourage you to do the same. As Maya Angelou says, “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” Your marriage may have gone through infidelity, but infidelity does not have to be the end. 

My infidelity intensive course helps individuals and couples to finally heal from the shame and pain of infidelity. 

Learn more about Infidelity Intensive here.

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! ** 

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

Full show notes are at rebuildinguspodcast.com.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

BAGGAGE CLAIM: RELEASING THE WEIGHT WE CARRY FROM RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE 

In this episode, we will discuss how to drop relationship baggage that's been holding us back. Past relationships and childhood trauma create emotional baggage in current relationships. I want to help you move toward releasing that today. We will explore how to identify the types of baggage we have, how they show up in our relationships, and how you release them to move forward. We need to reflect on past experiences and consequent wounds that may contribute to the weight we carry, the things that trigger us and also affect how we navigate relationships. Learn today how to pack light! Now let’s delve into the importance of acknowledging and releasing the weight of our past to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   

Episode 143-Overcoming Father Wounds-Kia Stephens

Episode 39- Understanding Your Core Wounds & Avoiding Toxic Relationships-Dr. Janie Lacy

Get your Love Is Devotional here! 

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Have you ever been told you're passive-aggressive or been in a relationship with someone who was? We're continuing our "toxic truths" series and discussing this often unspoken and confusing communication pattern. Passive-aggressive people have a hard time being direct and opt for more indirect ways of showing their disapproval, leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict in relationships. This episode addresses how to handle and confront passive-aggressive tendencies like nonverbal cues and silent treatments to connect and communicate better in your relationship and offers practical advice for both individuals struggling with passive aggressiveness and those dealing with it in their relationships.

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Get Your Free Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict Here

Ep. 87 - The Silent Treatment vs Silence

Anniversary Special: Get Your FREE "Love Is" Interactive Devotional Here!

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review! 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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On today’s episode, we’re talking about the specific work required to make a marriage work. The truth about relationships is if you work it, it will work. There’s so much that goes into a successful marriage. I recently heard someone say the way you spell love is E-F-F-O-R-T. We have to put in the effort to make our marriages work—ultimately strengthening the marriage bond.

This is a sweet repeat (re-run) of episode 79 but the message is as timely as ever. Effort and work in relationships cannot be overlooked. As I share personal stories and insights from my own marriage, I stress the importance of intentionality in cultivating a successful marriage. Just as achieving fitness goals demands intentionality and planning, so does nurturing a thriving relationship. It's a journey that demands perseverance, adaptability, and a commitment to constant growth.

Listen as I share five tips to improving your marriage with next-level intentionality. 

Get the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/201.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your free Conversation Starters to Better Communication While in Conflict here. 

Episode 76: 8 Reasons Why Women Won’t Initiate Sex

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Faith Fridays: How to Hear God's Voice

Today’s faith focus from scripture comes from John 10:27. Here are 5 ways to hear the voice of God.

Hi friends. We’re back for another Faith Friday today. I will be talking about a topic that so many people whether you are new to your faith deep in your faith or not yet in your faith want to know about and it’s how to hear from God.

John 10:27 says, "My sheep, hear my voice. I know them and they follow me."

If you want to hear God's voice, you must . . .

1. Be his
2. Be quiet
3. Be a reader of his word
4. Be expectant 
5. Be discerning of other voices

Share your faith find from this episode in a review wherever you listen to this podcast!

Get our latest devotional "Love Is"!

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Does it seem like your spouse or partner doesn’t listen to you? Maybe you find yourself wondering how to talk in order that they will listen and understand you. Listening skills are an essential topic of communication within relationships which is why I'm dedicating a new series to how to communicate in conflict called "From Conflict to Connection." Today’s episode will teach you principles and guide you toward a better understanding and improving communication with your partner.

I discuss common communication mistakes partners make when communicating and the importance of listening skills. I also offer practical and "pro" tips for better communication. We also explore how to approach sensitive topics, the importance of timing and mood, and how to influence your partner to listen to you when you communicate.

Visit realrelationshiptalk.com/193 for the full show notes.

Links Mentioned in This Episode:

Get my new Connection Course <—Use Discount Code! “CONNECTION50” (good until 12/1/23.)

EP 191 Bids for Connection 

Need Help in Conflict? Download my free “Conversation Starters” here!

SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT 

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

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Isn't it frustrating when you can't seem to agree on anything in your relationship? Today's question comes from a listener who wants to know how to get his point across without arguing with his spouse. Maybe you've wondered the same. I am sharing a very effective communication tool called the "mirror moment." This is when you explain to your spouse or partner how you feel and help them to do the same. Listen to the full episode to see how this works in action. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters Guide for Communicating in Conflict here.

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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My hubby, Shaun, is back! We're engaging in a candid conversation about the fundamental needs of both men and women in marriage, shedding light on respect, security, and leadership within relationships. Sharing some of our personal stories and insights that can help couples foster a deeper understanding of each other's needs and strengthen their bond is what we're after. 

Men can learn what women truly mean when they say they need security (it's not always what you think). Women can learn how to respect their husbands even when they disagree. Both spouses can learn what healthy leadership looks like in a marriage. This episode is one you'll want to refer to again when disagreements about needs arise. 

Find the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/225.

Resources and Links in this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict 

Learn more about my marriage and premarital coaching here

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

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Welcome to Faith Fridays on Real Relationship Talk. We're bringing you an additional podcast episode each Friday on the topic of real faith. These short episodes will help you learn more about God and grow in your faith, seeing his work in your relationships. 

Today’s faith focus is becoming a peacemaker, and our scripture comes from Matthew 5:9.“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God (New Living Translation). 

Take the “How Connected a Partner Are You” Quiz today at https://danache.com/partnerquiz.

To stay updated with show notes, helpful articles, and more relationship tips, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com. 

We’d love for you to rate, review, and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast as your support enables us to continue delivering valuable relationship content to people around the world!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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We're addressing a listener's distressing experience of financial abuse within her marriage. Despite having a stable job and a good income, her husband refuses to pay household bills and indulges in personal expenditures. This has brought about financial strain and an emotional toll. Listen as we discuss the nature of financial abuse and what she can do to "fix" her situation.

Key Discussion Points:

• Understanding Financial Abuse: I elaborate on how financial abuse is a form of control, likened to physical, emotional, verbal, and other types of abuse.

• Potential Solutions: Best and worst-case scenarios are discussed, including the importance of courageous conversations with her husband and engaging a financial planner or counselor for intervention.

• Practical Steps: I outline actionable steps for our listener to protect her financial assets if her husband doesn't change.

• Legal Advice: I stress the importance of understanding her legal rights in marriage and documenting all financial decisions she makes.

Resources Mentioned:

• Episode 119: "Financial Peace in Your Marriage" with Austin Black

• Episode 137: "What is Financial Infidelity?" with Chad Willardson

• Get Your FREE Ultimate Couples Checklist: 5 Simple Steps to Build More Intimacy

Got a question you'd like answered on the show? Submit your relationship questions via email or on Instagram.

Like the show? Please give it a 5-star rating, and I'd love for you to write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I don’t know where you are in your marriage today, but I believe God led you to this episode for a purpose. If we’re honest, most married people have thought about divorce at some point in their relationship. Perhaps, right now, you might be about to file papers or maybe you desperately want to help a friend or loved one who is considering divorce. 

Our culture says divorce is a necessary solution to a broken marriage. But what if it’s not? What if restoration is easier than you think? 

Our guest today is Dr. Kim Kimberling of the Awesome Marriage podcast, and he’s going to walk us through a checklist of sorts . . . five critical things to do before you divorce. 

Find the full show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Kim and his marriage resources 

🔗 Take the “Is My Relationship Vulnerable to an Affair” Quiz Here

🔗 Ep. 242: I Don’t Want My Husband But I Don’t Want a Divorce Either 

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

We're bringing back one of your favorite conversations about conflict . . . specifically how to stop avoiding it and how to communicate confidently instead. In this encore episode, we're discussing why we avoid conflict and how our different upbringings play into this dilemma. Many people confuse peacemaking with avoiding conflict.

I dispell this myth and so much more, helping you to finally step up, speak up and be heard in your relationships. Plus I'm sharing five affirmations you can say every day to help you to have more courageous conversations.This episode was from our Communication 101 series and previously aired in May of 2022. Even still, it's still one I get feedback on to this day.

Find the OG show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/96.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your FREE Conversation Starters to Bash Conflict Here

Let's Connect on Instagram

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

Apple Podcasts | Spotify 

Remember, sharing is caring! Share this episode via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In our hypersexualized society, marriages have often been the carnage leaving some to wonder are marriages sexually safe anymore. Today, on Real Relationship Talk, we are blessed to have Dr. Andrew Bauman teach us how to have sexually safe marriages. We dive into the impact of pornography, trauma, and objectification of women on individuals and relationships. Our conversation takes into consideration the effects of purity culture, the importance of intimacy, and practical steps for couples to foster healthy sexuality. It’s jam-packed and oh, so good!

How to Create a Sexually Safe Marriage

Andrew and I discuss a myriad of topics around the issue of healthy sexuality in relationships. Some of what we discussed are as follows: 

• Purity Culture and Debunking False Myths About Men's Needs

• True Healing from Past Sexual Trauma
• The Damages of Objectifying Women 
• What Good Sexual Health Looks Like
• Overcoming Fear About Sexuality in Relationships

It’s jam-packed and oh, so good!

ALSO LISTEN TO: How to Have Non-Awkward Conversations About Sex with Your Spouse 

Links Mentioned During this Episode

Dr. Bauman’s Website

The Sexually Healthy Man - Book

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How Putting Your Kids First Harms Your Marriage (Marriage & Family Series)

Put your kids first? Nope! Listen to learn what happens when you elevate your children & their activities to where only your spouse belongs. 

If you have children, if you have ever struggled with finding the balance between taking care of your children and nurturing your marriage, well, then friend, this conversation is for you. If you’re Christian, you’ve likely heard of that J-O-Y acronym. Jesus. Others. You. So many of us were raised with this whole idea that you always come last. Everybody is first. You're always last. When you get married, your spouse is first. But then when you have kids, (we don't say this, but we do this), we end up putting our kids even before our spouse. So in many families, this is how it looks. Your kids are first. Your spouse might come in there second. Friends, neighbors, responsibilities, jobs. Third, if you have a relationship with the Lord. He's probably third or fourth in there, somewhere in the mix. And then you are, like, on the bottom, bottom, bottom of the totem pole. And somehow that's supposed to make us feel like we're great mothers or we're great parents. That is so lopsided, and it's so destructive to you, and it’s also destructive to your family. 

Find the full show notes at https://realrelationshiptalk.com/episode159. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Episode 157: When You Disagree on How to Discipline the Kids 

Take my Free “How Connected a Partner Are You” Quiz 

Episode 155: Why Your Kids Need You to Get a Room 

7 Lessons Your Marriage is Teaching Your Kids 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget - Pt. 1

Today we are going to go a little deep. We're going to do a little bit of excavation into your heart, perhaps to pull out some old memories that you would prefer to stay tucked away. We are going to go after the cover-up that you have put over some of those wounds, and we're going to make sure that what you have forgiven is really, indeed healed. For some, you’re listening to this episode today on forgiveness, because you haven't been able to forgive. You haven't been able to move on, and you need somebody to help you out. After this and next week’s episode, you will have a blueprint on how to get over what was done to you, how to forgive, and move on. 

The title of this episode is forgiving what you can't forget. And I know that we have so much to talk about, so I've actually split this episode up into two separate episodes. So we're going to talk about part one today and then next week join us because we are going to finish up with part two.

Everybody Needs to Learn How to Forgive

If there is one thing that I know for sure as a marriage coach, as a pastor, as a woman, and as a human being, it is that we all are going to have to walk through forgiveness at some point or another. You could have the most perfect marriage, the most healthy relationship, the best friendship, you name it, but at some point because you are in a relationship with another human being, you're going to be hurt and you are going to hurt. 

We need to understand that forgiveness isn't something that just really resilient strong people do. It isn't something that only struggling relationships have to go through. We all have to learn how to forgive. And the more that you do it, the easier it gets.

So as I look back over my life, I can think of many people whom I've really had to forgive, really struggled to forgive. And here's the truth. The closer the person is to you, the harder it is to forgive. Because the people that are closest to us have the most ability or the greatest ability to hurt us the deepest. If I'm just upset with my coworker because they ate my lunch that I put in the refrigerator, well, I mean, I have to forgive that. But it's not like the end of the world versus if I have to forgive my husband who betrayed my trust. So regardless of who came to your mind, regardless of whom you're thinking about, what I'm going to share with you over these next two episodes is going to be completely applicable. 

The Inspiration Behind Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

This episode is not intended to be a therapeutic session. It is not intended to be a full-out coaching session, even though coaching obviously will help you. And I do work with all of my clients on this process of forgiveness.

Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Women wrote a book called Forgiving What You Can't Forget. If you know anything about her story, Lysa was married for nearly 30 years to a man who was a habitual cheater. And her lifestyle is very public, especially for those in the Christian community. Many Christian women know who Lysa TerKeurst is as she has a very prominent ministry. She has lived this whole debacle out in the public eye. I have nothing but respect for her. I did a YouTube video on this very topic of her story on forgiveness about how I applauded her, really, for leaving this very toxic marriage. 

You all know me. I am for marriage. I am pro-marriage. I don't take divorce lightly at all. But in her situation, she was married to a man who she had given grace upon grace upon grace upon grace, chance after chance after chance after chance. They publicly renewed their wedding vows, and this man committed to being faithful and loyal and he wasn't. So she finally made the decision that she was going to need to walk away. And I know that that took a lot of courage. I'm sure that there are people who probably disagreed with her decision, and I'm sure that it was really like a battle within herself to even get to that point. But through her pain, she wrote this book called Forgiving What You Can't Forget, and that is really what inspired, obviously, the title of this podcast. 

Recommended Books on Forgiveness

Another book I'm going to recommend to you is called The Book on Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu. Obviously, those are African names. This is such a good book. I originally got this book, I don't know, maybe three years ago. I think it was like right at the start of COVID. This book is really about a lot of what Desmond experienced coming out of apartheid and how he learned how to forgive. But it's not just the apartheid story, because most of us have not had that experience. But he really teaches about these tenets of forgiveness. And one of the most profound things, I think, that I have probably ever read in my whole life was out of this book. He talks about the fourfold path to forgiveness. 

The Fourfold Path to Forgiveness 

Today I'm going to teach something that I've never taught before, and it is this whole fourfold path to forgiveness. So the first thing, let me actually give you all four. And then, like I said, we're going to introduce this topic today and then we're going to continue this next week on this fourfold path. The first thing that you're going to want to do is tell your story. The second thing is to name the hurt. The third thing is to grant forgiveness. And then the last thing is to renew or release the relationship.

When Is the Process of Forgiveness Complete?

What does it look like when the process of forgiveness is complete? How do you know if you've really forgiven someone? I get asked that question a lot. One of the things that I always say is, first of all, you'll know when the process of forgiveness is complete when you can think about that memory and it no longer stings, it no longer burns. Let's say I burned myself with a curling iron, which I have many, many times, especially when I was a little kid. Not knowing what I was doing curling my hair. So I have a scar from the burn. If I look at that scar, then I remember exactly what happened there. I'm like, oh, yeah, I was eight years old. I was curling my hair in the bathroom at my house and felt the singe. I felt that thing on my neck. 

So I can think back to that memory. But if I touch that scar, it no longer hurts, it no longer burns, there's nothing oozing. It's completely healed. Likewise, my friend, when you think back over that memory, whatever happened, you think of that person and there's nothing that oozes emotionally. There's no more pain, there's no more stinging. That's when you know that the process of forgiveness is complete. 

I've written about forgiveness, even shared on an earlier podcast episode about forgiveness, and I've given lots of tips throughout many other episodes on this podcast on forgiveness. I talk about forgiveness so much because it a necessary in a healthy marriage or relationship. You simply cannot build a connection or commitment without learning how to forgive. I hope the lessons you hear in today’s episode jumpstarts your journey on the path of forgiveness and may you learn to forgive the things you can’t forget. 

ALSO LISTEN TO: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships: Release Them, Restore You

Links Mentioned in this Episode 

The Book on Forgiving by Desmond Tutu

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst

Episode 18: How to Love Your Spouse When You Don’t Like Your Spouse 

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Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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If your spouse has had multiple affairs, it can be hard to believe they have truly repented. When is enough enough? This was the question from a listener named Greg:

Dana, I am so thankful you are doing the series on affairs. As a man, it’s really hard to admit that my wife does not find me desirable. She has found love in the arms of another. The problem is she keeps saying that she’s sorry. I found out a few months ago that she is involved in yet another of these situations. I’m sure you can understand what that must do to a man. I love her. She’s a great mother. But I’m wondering how many times I should take her back?

My heart goes out to Greg and others who find themselves locked in a revolving door marriage with other people. Infidelity is hard enough the first time; multiple affairs are devastating. Listen in as I share some challenging words of advice about how to know when enough is enough after repeated infidelity. 

Have a relationship question you'd like answered on the podcast? Submit your question at rebuildinguspodcast.com or DM me on Instagram. 

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Being a peacemaker is one of the greatest qualities to have in a relationship. As the holiday season approaches, many of us are preparing to gather—whether with family, friends, or even by ourselves—and the pursuit of peace in our relationships becomes more relevant than ever. In this episode, we discuss the value of peacemaking in relationships and discuss the many differences between peacemaking and “peacefaking.”

Key Topics:

1. The Differences Between Peacemakers and Peacefakers
2. The Importance of Starting with Reconciliation in Mind
3. How Conflict Can Be a Tool for Growth
4. How Listening Impacts Your Influence

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Learn About my online course: From Conflict to Connection 

Get your Free Conversation Starters to Bash Conflict 

If you enjoy the show, please be sure to leave a five-star rating and write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Biblical submission has been misinterpreted and misunderstood for ages. Today, the topic can be taboo and controversial, which is why we’re going there! I want to bring a balanced viewpoint to a conversation that is worthy of another godly perspective. My husband, Shaun, is back for this episode, and we begin with a candid discussion about decision-making in marriage. How would you define the concept of mutual submission in marriage?

The episode's engagement with biblical passages about wives' submission to husbands explores the literal interpretation and application of such scriptures in a modern context. It calls attention to the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical principles and their relevance in contemporary marriages.

Visit rebuildinguspodcast.com for the full show notes & resources

Helpful Resources to Continue the Conversation: 

What Does Submission in Marriage Look Like? By Rev. Dr. Toornstra

Take My FREE “How Connected a Partner Are You” Quiz

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In today's world, with all its uncertainties, we need to reflect more on the legacy we are leaving for the next generation. As Christians, we have a responsibility to pass on not only material wealth but also spiritual guidance and values. Our legacy should be one of purpose, integrity, and faith, inspiring those who come after us to serve, honor, and fear the Lord. In this episode, we will explore the importance of leaving a rich inheritance that goes beyond money and discuss practical ways to shape a legacy that truly matters.

We all have the power to choose the kind of legacy we want to leave behind. Will our legacy be one of promise and purpose, or will it be one of sorrow and selfishness? It's a decision only we can make. By aligning our actions, choices, and priorities with the legacy we desire to live, we shape a future filled with hope, inspiration, and positive change.

BIBLICAL REFERENCE:

1. PROVERBS 13:22:  "A good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous." (NIV)
2. PSALMS 145: 4: “One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.”(NIV)

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Get Your Speak Life Affirmation Audio

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In this episode, we're discussing what it means to be "aptly available" in a marriage. I outline five keys that can help take a marriage to the next level for couples already present and engaged in their relationships. I emphasize the importance of intentionality, curiosity, vocalizing appreciation, time-blocking, and praying together. Plus, I'm sharing some personal anecdotes and practical advice to help couples strengthen their connection and move from being just available to being "awesomely attentive."

**Key Points:**
- The meaning of "apt" and how it applies to marriage.
- The importance of intentionality in maintaining a strong marriage and avoiding complacency.
- Staying curious about each other, vocalizing appreciation, and time-blocking to ensure quality time together.

The episode ends with a powerful affirmation for prioritizing marriage intentionally and putting in the work to maintain a successful relationship.

Find the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/221

Resources and Links in this Episode: 

Take My Free Quiz: How Connected a Partner Are You 

Ep 119: Connection Crisis: The Absentee Spouse

Ep 117: Connection Crisis: Apathy - When Love Grows Cold

Want to suggest a new name for my new podcast? Take the survey here!

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

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Today, we dive deep into the intricacies of healing after infidelity with our guests, Matthew and Joanna Rabsmith who've been married for fifteen years. They opened up about their experience with infidelity just three and a half years into their union. Matthew bravely shared his struggle with sex addiction, which was primarily linked to pornography. 

Both licensed marriage counselors and marriage coaches, they share their journey through infidelity in their marriage and how they emerged stronger on the other side. Matthew opens up about his battle with sexual addiction, shedding light on the challenges and breakthroughs along the way.

Joanna provides invaluable insight into the role of the betrayed spouse and how relinquishing control can drive healing. We also explore the Rabsmith's intimacy pyramid, detailing the steps necessary to rebuild trust and intimacy in marriage.

Their journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of faith and commitment. Whether you're navigating these waters yourself or supporting a friend through it, this episode is packed with wisdom and resources for moving forward. So, grab a notebook, settle in, and let's get into this crucial conversation!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

Get your free Affair Recovery Checklist here

Like the show? Be sure to give it a five-star rating and a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage 

 In this episode, we discuss the unrealistic expectations that people have in their marriages. You should have expectations in relationships, but it is important to learn how to manage and overcome unrealistic expectations. You've likely heard, "No expectations, no disappointments," but I think that's a terrible way to live in a marriage. What are your expectations? What are you looking for?  We will explore where these expectations come from and whether they are realistic or not. Also, we'll talk about the importance of communicating your expectations to your partner.

Unrealistic vs Reasonable Expectations

We'll start by discussing the difference between unrealistic and reasonable expectations. Often, people have expectations that are unrealistic, and that leads to disappointment and frustration. For example, expecting your spouse to be your best friend or provide a beautiful home may be reasonable but is it a realistic expectation for him/her? It's important to examine where these expectations come from and whether they are truly important to you or not.

Where Do Expectations Come From?

Next, we'll explore where these expectations come from. Expectations can come from a variety of sources such as family of origin, religious beliefs, media, culture, personal desires, and other people's expectations. We'll take a closer look at the expectations that are rooted in religious beliefs or cultural norms and whether they are realistic or not. Again, what might be realistic for one spouse may be unrealistic for another.

ALSO LISTEN TO: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage

Communicating Your Expectations

In this segment, we'll discuss the importance of communicating your expectations to your spouse. Often, people have unspoken expectations, assuming their partner should know what they want. However, unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. I'll provide some tips on how to effectively communicate your expectations and ensure that both partners are on the same page.

5 Common Unrealistic Expectations

I share about five unrealistic expectations that people often have in their marriages. These include expecting your spouse not to change, thinking you can change your spouse, expecting your spouse to make you happy, assuming your spouse should know what you're thinking, and expecting your spouse to be like you. How can spouses overcome these unrealistic expectations in their marriage? We'll discuss why these expectations are unrealistic and how to reframe them to create more realistic expectations.

Finally, I share several solutions to overcoming unrealistic expectation in your marriage and how your marriage can benefit from proper communication, Remember, unspoken expectations can lead to unmet desires, which leads to unnecessary disappointment. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Sign up for our FREE Thrive Marriage Mastermind Workshop!

How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What is the real reason so many marriages are failing? It’s not often addressed in mainstream marriage advice. When we take a look at the core issue of marriage problems and look at scripture, personal experiences, and real stories, we see one main culprit as the number one reason marriages break up. 

Key Discussion Points:

• Understanding Apathy in Marriage
• The Core Issue: Hardness of Heart
• Indicators of a Hardened Heart
• The Path to Restoration and Healing
• Real-Life Application

Resources Mentioned:

Get My Free Audio: 7 Secrets to a Healthier Marriage 

Dive Deeper with My "From Conflict to Connection Course"

Episode 88: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 

Episode 68: How Passivity & Apathy Are Silently Killing Your Marriage

Be sure to give the podcast five stars and write a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Are you ready to have an awesome marriage? Transform your marriage into a flourishing and connected union by practicing these four secrets to cultivating an awesomely attentive marriage. Today, we're exploring key takeaways and four actionable tips for infusing your relationship with attentiveness, support, and joy. Having an awesome marriage takes work, but it’s good work. Great marriages don’t happen by chance; they happen by choice. The four secrets to cultivating a strong, loving, connected (and yes, awesome) marriage center around presence, support, anticipating needs, and noticing the little things. 

Read the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/223. 

Links and Resources in this Episode: 

Take the “How Connected Are You?” Partner Quiz

Marriage Advice from Real-World Couples 

Ep. 221 - The Power of the Available Spouse

Need Marriage Coaching? Schedule Your Discovery Call Today

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A new listener, Gina, feels like she's putting all the effort into her marriage while her husband seems perfectly content with where things are. I totally get where she's coming from—I’ve been there! We'll talk about how to navigate this situation and discuss why behavior follows belief. I’ share some personal insights and strategies on how to motivate change in someone who doesn't see there's a problem by shifting those underlying beliefs. Whether you're trying to improve your marriage, your parenting skills, or your friendships, today's episode is packed with practical advice. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let's dive in to help transform those connections into more fulfilling relationships. I'm so glad you're here!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Struggling to overcome an affair? Get my 12-Step Affair Recovery Checklist here. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Prayer is fundamental to any healthy, Christian marriage, so why don't more spouses pray for their marriage? Weariness, disappointment, and apathy are all obstacles we must overcome to develop loving, resilient marriages. Today, I'm sharing five ways to pray for your marriage, using the acronym C.O.V.E.R. If you practice what you hear in today's episode, I am confident your marriage will exponentially change for the better. The key to prayer is trusting in God's timing and His ways. I still remember when I prayed for the things I have now . . . that's not only a sign in my office, it's my testimony. Enjoy this sweet repeat that originally aired in January, 2023. 

Linked Mentioned in this Episode: 

Pray These Three Prayers for Your Life & Relationships

Get Your Free Audio download: Speak Life Affirmations

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Remember to  SUBSCRIBE to the Podcast!

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Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

As a relationship coach, I've witnessed and experienced the struggle that can come with effectively communicating feelings, especially during conflicts. So, I'm here to offer you some valuable insights and practical tips that can transform your approach to expressing feelings and navigating conversations with more confidence and clarity. This episode will help you to express your feelings without causing misunderstandings in your relationships.

Conflict is Normal

First and foremost, I can't stress enough the importance of understanding that conflict is a normal part of any relationship. It's essential to recognize that disagreements and differences of opinion are natural when two unique individuals come together. However, it's crucial to distinguish healthy conflict from harmful behaviors such as aggression or verbal abuse. As I always say, conflict is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be destructive.

Get the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/199.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Ep. 55: How to Get Over An Argument Quickly

Having a hard time starting important conversations? Get Your Free Conversation Guide Here.

Learn How to Communicate In Conflict with My Online Course

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

We’re off the heels of our marriage conference and I have some insights to share for those looking to attend a marriage conference in the future. Information is only good if you have a revelation that causes transformation. And when it comes to strengthening our marriages, this couldn't be more true. So let's explore why attending a marriage conference might be the game-changer you've been looking for.

Why Make the Commitment to Attend?

You might be wondering, why attend a marriage conference? Aren’t those just for couples in crisis? Absolutely not! Like successful entrepreneurs attend business conferences to stay on top of their game, thriving couples attend marriage conferences to sustain healthy relationships. It’s all about growth, connection, and gaining new insights.

For first-timers, choosing the right conference is crucial. Not all conferences are created equal, and some might leave you feeling discouraged if they’re not a good fit. I’ll share some tips on finding the right one so you come away feeling inspired and equipped.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your Free "5 Simple Steps to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship" Couple's Guide

Learn more about the XO Marriage Conference

Learn more about Family Life's Weekend to Remember 

Like the show? Be sure to give it a 5-star rating and write a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Finding Fulfillment in the Relationship Season You're In - with Michelle McKinney-Hammond

Michelle McKinney-Hammond and I delve into the seasons of relationships and the need to navigate the changes we find ourselves in. Welcome to part two of this important and transformative conversation. From the challenges of marriage to the importance of vulnerability and growth, this episode is packed with wisdom and relatable experiences that will resonate with listeners at any stage of their relationships.

We kick off the conversation with a powerful message from Michelle, emphasizing the importance of allowing people their humanity and managing expectations in relationships. This sets the tone for the entire episode, as both Michelle and I discuss how we’ve had to navigate the complexities of our relationships with empathy and understanding.

One of the highlights of this episode is the candid discussion about the challenges of marriage. Michelle and I discuss the need for vulnerability, growth, and maturity in relationships. Marriage is not a destination, but a journey that requires continuous effort and personal development. The exposure of personal brokenness in marriage is addressed, shedding light on the necessity of addressing and healing from past wounds for a successful partnership.

Visit realrelationshiptalk.com/197 for the full show notes. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Michelle Hammond's Website

Get Your Copy of When Shift Happens

Get Your Free Resource: Conversation Starters for Heart-to-Heart Communication

Register For My New Online Course! From Conflict to Connection

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

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The Christian life can be hard at times. Can I get an amen? This episode will help you to hold fast to your faith during times of uncertainty. We must walk by faith in this journey filled with unpredictable twists and turns that test the very essence of what we believe. It’s easy to become despondent and get off course. It's during these difficult times that the concept of walking in faith becomes not just a spiritual ideology, but a daily decision to maintain our trust in God in the face of adversity.

Walking by faith during hard times is a sign of a mature Christian because it requires us to hold onto our beliefs and trust in the unseen when everything around us seems to be crumbling. It demands an unwavering commitment to hope and perseverance in the midst of despair and uncertainty. This is a challenge even for the strongest of Christians. This episode shows us how. 

See the full show notes at https://realrelationshiptalk.com/216. 

Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Get Your Free Speak Life Audio Affirmations

Also, listen to Episode 214: If God is for Me, Why Am I Suffering?

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Today, we’re talking about a different kind of AI: not artificial intelligence but “artificial intimacy.” Why do some people settle for inauthentic, shallow relationships instead of real ones? Drawing parallels between the impact of inauthenticity in relationships and the lack of uniqueness in AI-generated articles, I explained the irreplaceable value of genuine human connection.

People choose not to embrace authenticity in their relationships for many reasons, including the fear of rejection. I share four keys to creating real, intimate relationships as we debunk the notion that artificial intimacy can ever substitute for the real, deep connections we all yearn for.

Find the full show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take my FREE “How Connected Are You” Quiz

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

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In today's digital age, many affairs start online. Today's question is from a wife whose husband looks at semi-nude pics of women online and gets angry when she confronts him. This listener wants to know how to set boundaries with her husband to change his behavior. Take a listen as I explain how boundaries work in marriage and what she can do if her husband doesn't change his behavior. 

Have a question you'd like answered on the show? Send an email here or direct message me on Instagram. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take my "Affair Proof" Quiz Here

Ep. 231: 10 Warning Signs + 12 Digital Signs of an Affair 

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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Have you ever been told you don't speak up enough or you're not "assertive" enough in a relationship? Today's listener question comes from a woman whose husband wants her to not be so submissive but to stand up for what she wants in their marriage. He puts a different spin on submission, which leads her to want to know how she can start asserting herself more in her marriage. It's a great question, and I hope she finds encouragement in my answer.

Do you have a relationship question you want me to answer on the podcast? Email your question to rebuildinguspodcast.com/contact or send me a DM on Instagram @mrsdanache. 

Freebies this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict here.

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Life is busy! Now more than ever is the time to stay connected as a couple. Shaun is back on the podcast and we’re discussing how to maintain a strong connection as a couple in the midst of busy schedules and seasons. Whether you’re juggling careers, family, life changes, or personal growth, listen as we share insights we’ve learned (and are in the process of learning) on effective communication, finding moments of quality time, and appreciating your current season of life, no matter how busy life is right now.

Find the full show notes at danache.com/podcast.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

New Resource! The Ultimate Couples Checklist: 5 Simple Steps to Build More Intimacy

Like the show? Please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too!

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What's Your Fighting Style?

Conflict is a normal and healthy aspect of any relationship. So we don't have to be afraid of it anymore. We don't have to run away from conflict. We don't have to pretend that it's not there. We don't have to try to dress it up as something else. It is what it is. However, conflict is not fighting. 

When we “fight,” we all have a fighting style that’s our go-to approach to handling conflict. When I'm saying fighting for the sake of this episode, I'm not talking about “throwing blows.” I'm talking about how you deal with conflict. When something arises in your relationship and you disagree with your partner, you're having conflict, that conflict then turns into more of just a disagreement, but you're almost at a stalemate. How do you handle that? What is your fighting style?

Three Fighting Styles

The three specific styles are as follows: attack-attack, attack-defend, and silent-silent. In the attack-attack style, both partners are on the attack and cannot hear each other, making it impossible to solve problems and leading to a destructive cycle. In the attack-defend style, one partner is attacking and the other is defending themselves, creating a tit-for-tat dynamic that is not productive in resolving the underlying issues. In the silent-silent style, both partners avoid confrontation altogether and allow issues to fester and grow.

Why Does Love Feel Like a Battlefield?

You are never going to find the solution to whatever the situation is because if you’re spending so much time attacking one another. It's almost like you are in a battlefield. You've now become an enemy, a combatant of your partner. Years ago, singer Jordin Sparks actually wrote a song called Battlefield. Here are some of the lyrics of this song . . . See if you can relate. 

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield? 

You know that song so this is how it goes. Okay. 

Don't try to explain your mind

I know what's happening here

One minute it's love and suddenly it's like, love is a battlefield.

One word turns into a war. 

Why is it that the smallest things tear us down? 

My world's nothing when you're gone. 

I'm out here without a shield. 

Can't go back now. 

I never meant to start a war. 

You know I never want to hurt you. 

Don't even know what we're fighting for. 

Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

Listen to Battlefield here 

Why does love always feel like a battlefield in your relationship? You feel like there is nothing that you do, nothing that you say is going to make a difference because your spouse is looking at you as the enemy. Or, you see your partner as the enemy.

Break Free From Fighting 

To break out of these fighting styles, one person in the relationship must wave the white flag and prioritize the relationship over being right. Remember, your partner is not the problem; the problem is the problem. You are on the same team! By taking a step back and examining the real issue, couples can work together to find a solution.

In order to move forward from fighting, couples must reframe the way they approach conflict. Instead of seeing it as a competition or an opportunity to prove who is right, couples should view it as a chance to grow and strengthen their relationship. If necessary, couples should take a “time-out” during particularly heated moments to allow both parties to cool down and come back to the conversation from a calmer and more rational place.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Episode 87: The Silent Treatment vs Arguing  

Register for the upcoming Thrive Wives workshop

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We're addressing a listener's question about having no feelings for her husband anymore. She still has some desire to rebuild her marriage despite feeling empty and detached. If you've ever felt similarly about your spouse, you, too, will benefit from what I share. I explain how to "reignite" the loving feelings for your spouse with three responses:  feelings, forgiveness, and faith.

The fact is that feelings are not final, and they are fickle. They are precious but not the priority. Instead of being led by our feelings, there are healthier and more effective ways to handle our lack of feelings toward our spouse. Listen in to learn the pathway forward. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

🔗Related Episode: #80: Feelings Aren't Forever 

🔗 Submit your relationship questions

🔗 Get your free "Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict"

🔗 Interested in marriage coaching? Schedule your discovery call today.

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Is your marriage on the line but you’re trying to win your spouse back? Rebuilding your marriage isn't easy, especially when your spouse isn't on the same page. In this episode, we address a listener's question about how to effectively communicate his desire to reconcile after a difficult time in his marriage. Despite being separated for three months due to past traumas and ego, he's actively working on self-improvement and seeking advice on how to win back his spouse without putting undue pressure on her.

Key Discussion Points:

• Taking Responsibility: It’s important to take responsibility for the choices we make in our marriage. Our listener acknowledges his shortcomings as a husband and is encouraged to be specific about the changes he's implementing.
• Healing Past Traumas: If we don’t understand the role of past traumas in our marriage conflicts, we are likely to not fully heal from them. Genuine healing often requires professional help.
• Asking for Forgiveness: Sincere and specific apologies are significant, not as a means to an end, but as a genuine show of remorse for past hurt we’ve caused. 
• Respecting Boundaries: If the spouse decides not to reconcile, respecting her decision is crucial. While working towards reconciliation, we must acknowledge our spouse's free will and potential decision to move on even if it hurts.

Got a marriage-related question you want answered on the podcast? Email your questions or submit a direct message on Instagram.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Get Your Free Heart to Heart Conversation Starters here.

Like the show? Be sure to give it a five-star rating and write a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What do you do when your words of affirmation miss the mark? This is a concern a listener and many spouses face, especially when trying to love an "unappreciative spouse." If you’ve ever felt like your heartfelt compliments are being met with sarcasm or jabs rather than gratitude, this episode is for you.

Topics We Discuss:

1. Understanding Communication Gaps: Learn how to bridge the disconnect between expressing words of affirmation and your spouse's reception. Hear how genuine affirmations rooted in appreciation for 'who they are' rather than 'what they do' can make a big difference.
2. Building Emotional Well-Being: I Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Explore how encouraging and uplifting words contribute to emotional well-being. 
3. Handling Resentment: Gain insights into addressing potential resentment that may be present underneath the snide remarks. Learn how to better support your spouse, recognizing their efforts in everyday moments.
4. Practical Tips for Meaningful Affirmations: From the warmth of eye contact to understanding your spouse’s preferred mode of communication, discover various methods to make your appreciation felt and acknowledged.

You Might Also Like: 

Get My Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict FREE Guide Here 

Ep. 123 - 5 Gifts Your Spouse Will Love 

Ep. 282 - Burnout of the Busy Wife- When Giving Too Much = Loving Less

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Marriage comes with its fair share of ups and downs. And finding a support system . . . a tribe, like Thrive Wives, is essential. I believe every wife needs a tribe. Mine is called Thrive Wives. In this episode, I talk about the profound impact of wife tribes – a network of supportive women who share their experiences, insights, and encouragement. We uncover the transformative power of wife tribes, including the importance of embracing vulnerability, breaking free from isolation, and fostering intentional connections for personal and relational growth.

Just like a healthy marriage, a cornerstone of any successful wife tribe is vulnerability. Opening up to others about our struggles can be intimidating. Fear of judgment or others’ expectations often leads many wives to keep their marriage problems hidden. In Thrive Wives, women are encouraged to embrace vulnerability and share their experiences within a trusted community. This not only brings solutions and healing but also forges beautiful, meaningful friendships.

Thrive Wives is accepting applications now. Learn more at https://danache.com/thrivewives. 

Get the full show notes at https://realrelationshiptalk.com/209.

Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode

1. Thrive Wives Group
2. Conversation Starters Download

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Have you ever been concerned about your spouse's social media activities . . . or in our listener's case, lack of social media activities? I'm addressing a listener who feels unsettled that her husband never posts about her on social media and even occasionally unfollows her, while sharing other aspects of his life online.

Episode Highlights:

• Marriage Advice: I emphasize the importance of communication. Ask, don't assume your partner's intentions.

• Use "I statements" to express your feelings without being accusatory.

• Key Strategies:

  • Understand that everyone expresses affection differently, especially on public platforms like social media.

  • The significance of clear communication around personal expectations in a relationship is critical.

  • Directly address concerns with your spouse to gain clarity rather than making assumptions.

If you find yourself facing similar a marriage concern, this episode provides a blueprint for addressing issues with empathy and directness. 

Resources Mentioned:

• Heart-to-Heart Conversation Starters: danache.com/conversationstarters

• Submit Your Marriage Questions

• It's Not You; It's Me: The I Statement Formula

Love the show? Be sure to give it a five-star rating and write a great review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Overcoming Fear in Marriage

Introduction: Welcome to this week's episode of our podcast, where we explore the topic of fear and how it affects marriages. Fear is a natural reaction to the unknown, but it can also be debilitating and prevent us from fully experiencing intimacy in marriage. Today we'll discuss how fear can be the root of all intimacy problems in marriage and how to overcome it.

Segment 1: Fear - Fear is not all bad. It can be a warning sign that something is wrong, and it can motivate us to take action. However, fear can also immobilize us and prevent us from taking risks or trying new things in our marriage. We need to learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy fear and understand how to respond appropriately.

Segment 2: Courage - One of the best definitions I've heard for courage is choosing to act in spite of fear. Courage isn't the absence of fear. If you never feel fear, there is no need for courage, actually. We need to learn to face our fears and push through them. It takes courage to be vulnerable in a relationship, to risk being hurt, and to trust our spouse.

Segment 3: There are different fears in relationships, including the fear of being hurt, the fear of rejection, the fear of being made a fool of, the fear of your spouse cheating on you, the fear of losing yourself in your marriage, the fear of losing control, and the fear of being fully known, amongst others. These fears will lead to intimacy problems in marriage if not addressed.

Segment 4: How to Get Rid of Fear: To overcome fear, we need to acknowledge that it's there and not hide or deny it. We can ask ourselves, "What's the worst that can happen?" Then, prepare for the worst-case scenario. We can also "trust in the Lord" (Proverbs 3:5-6) and renew our minds with His word, worship, and our words.

Conclusion: Fear can be the root of all intimacy problems in marriage. But by acknowledging our fears, facing them with courage, and trusting in the Lord, we can overcome them and experience deeper intimacy in our relationships. As Psalm 34:4-5 says, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Ep. 14 - How These Hidden Fears are Ruining Your Relationships 

Get Your FREE e-book: 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life: danache.com/relationshipmistakes 

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Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

7 Lessons Your Marriage is Teaching Your Kids (Marriage & Family Series) 

As parents, your marriage speaks loudly to your children, whether good or bad - healthy or struggling. Your kids are watching everything. And let me tell you, kids are very perceptive. Kids understand way more than we give them credit for. In today’s podcast, we are discussing seven lessons your marriage is teaching your children: from conflict resolution to grace and forgiveness, appreciation, inner vows, boundaries, gender roles, healthy sexuality, and more, your marriage is sending some powerful lessons. 

Be sure to listen to the full episode and learn how to create a marriage your children will want to emulate. 

Wondering how connected a partner you are in your relationship or marriage? Take the free Partner Quiz today! https://danache.com/partnerquiz 

For wives looking for support, encouragement, and growth, join Thrive Wives, our bi-weekly group coaching program. https://thrivewives.com. 

We’d love for you to rate, review, and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast! Your support enables us to continue delivering valuable relationship and marriage advice and content to people worldwide! 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

We've all heard it said—marriage is hard. But what about marriage is so hard? Specifically, what is about your marriage that makes it hard work? In this episode, I’m sharing five reasons your marriage may be harder than it should be. Also, can we reframe that belief? What if instead of seeing marriage as hard work, we saw it as heart work?

Key Points:

• Changing Your Perspective on Marriage
  Reframe the mindset from "marriage is hard work" to "marriage is heart work." Commit to becoming more resilient and seeing challenges as growth opportunities.
• 5 Reasons Marriage Is Hard
  Learn to recognize these common marriage problems: trying to change your partner, wishy-washy commitment, external influences, relying on your own strength, and focusing too much on problems.
• Guarding Influences On Your Marriage
  Discover the importance of guarding your mind, media consumption, and the words you use about your marriage.
• Choose Your Hard
  Make peace with the fact that good things are often hard.  Challenges will exist in all areas of life, but “choosing your hard” will help you value what really matters.

Get the full show notes at danache.com/podcast. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Ep. 288: 7 Traits to Create a More Resilient Relationship

Get Your “Ultimate Couples Checklist” to Develop Greater Intimacy

Interested in 1 on 1 Marriage Coaching?

Like the show? Please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Overcoming Separation, Infidelity, & Dysfunction in Marriage - with Joseph & Madelyn Stallings

Welcome to this episode of our podcast where we're joined by Joseph and Madelyn Stallings, who have graciously agreed to share their journey through infidelity, separation, and marital dysfunction with us today.

Joseph and Madelyn have known each other since childhood, and on today's show, they talk about their journey towards a more healthy and thriving marriage, despite the numerous hurdles they've faced along the way.

The Importance of Premarital Counseling

We start by discussing how they met and their premarital counseling experience. Like Shaun and me, the Stallings have known each other since childhood. Joseph’s parents did their premarital counseling, but he doesn't recommend this. Neither do I, because couples tend to not be forthcoming when a family member (especially parents) are facilitating their pre-marital counseling.

ALSO SEE: Why Should I Get Premarital Counseling? 

We delve deeper into the importance of premarital counseling and how it can help couples overcome childhood wounds and trauma that can seep into their marriage.

An Unexpected Result of their Separation

The Stallings experienced several separations in their marriage: some lasting for just a few months, and the longest over a year. Then, quite unexpectedly, Madelyn gets pregnant. She shares her experience of becoming pregnant with someone else's child while she and Joseph were separated, and how they worked through the emotions of it all. Only by God’s grace were they able to reconcile and work through the pain of that choice. 

Disconnection Leaves You Vulnerable to Infidelity

We talk about the importance of staying connected and avoiding disconnection, which really makes your marriage vulnerable to infidelity. As Joseph puts it, "You can't let your emotions drive, but you can't put them in the back trunk either.” Basically, don’t allow your emotions to run your relationship, but withholding how you’re truly feeling only leads to disconnection in your marriage.

After their last separation, things began to take a turn for the worst again, and this time it was Joseph who was unfaithful. Joseph shares his story of having an affair and the steps they took to heal and move forward. We discuss the importance of understanding the real source of pain and how it can help couples to stop hurting each other and to find the real source of their healing.

Through their journey, Joseph and Madelyn have learned the importance of honesty, transparency, forgiveness, and communication. They remind us that marriages can truly endure more than we imagine, but through God’s grace, forgiveness, and  a lot of “heart work,” we can make them work.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode, and we hope you find it insightful and helpful in your own journey towards a healthy and thriving marriage.

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Today's relationship question comes from a listener who wants to hear she's on the right track healing from the emotional damage of her husband's affair. In this episode, I share five key signs to know if you're on the right track from healing from any relational hurt. I liken healing emotionally to healing physically. The effects are very similar. Remember, everyone heals at a different pace, so be gracious with yourself as you courageously journey forward to healing your broken heart after it's been wounded by someone you love. 

Have a marriage-related or relationship question you want answered on the show? Email me or DM me today. 

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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How to Pray for Everything in Your Life in Less than 5 Minutes!

Is your day so hectic that you don’t have time to pray? In this Faith Friday episode, we’re unpacking how to pray in less than five minutes. Praying effectively and efficiently, even amidst a busy life is not only possible but highly beneficial. Prayer doesn't have to be ultra time-consuming and should be a meaningful conversation with your Creator. It will grow into a longer conversation without you realizing it. 

It’s important that we pray for more than just ourselves. I’m sharing two acronyms that will help you to pray in a short amount of time for nearly everything in your life. When we pray, we should always approach God with praise or thanksgiving. Psalm 100:1-2, 4 reminders of how to approach God in prayer. 

Acronyms are very helpful when we need to remember how to do something. Prayer should not be rote, but learning an acronym or two can help you to focus your prayer life and make your prayers more efficient. The first acronym I share is an oldie but goodie. P-R-A-Y. And the second is a new one called T-R-I-P-S.

Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear me break down each one! 

For the full show notes, visit realrelationshiptalk.com/episode186. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Download your FREE Speak Life Affirmations Audio here. 

SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT 

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

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Welcome to the all-new "Rebuilding Us Marriage Podcast, formerly known as Real Relationship Talk.  I'm your host, Dana Che, marriage coach, and your guide on this journey to rediscovering the beauty and strength of your marriage.

In a world where relationships are easily broken and discarded, this podcast is your lighthouse. All is not lost.  Join us as we explore the stories of couples who have overcome all kinds of adversity, reignited their love, and rebuilt their marriages from the ground up. Oh, and I’m not shy about my own marriage being restored from adultery. It’s why I do this podcast. If we made it, so can you.

We couldn’t have made it without God on our side. His word is my guiding light. But on this podcast, we dig beyond surface-level Christian talk to see God at the center of our most messy spaces. From infidelity to intimacy struggles or just everyday marriage conflicts, we share practical tips and relevant advice to help you get unstuck and rebuild your life. Whether you're newlyweds adjusting to your new life or long-term partners seeking to reignite the flame, this podcast is for you.

Together, let's embark on a journey of honest discovery, forgiveness, truth, and grace. Let's gather the tools for a thriving marriage with renewed love and unwavering commitment. The first letter in us is u, so to rebuild us, we have to rebuild you. 

Subscribe to or follow the "Rebuilding Us Marriage Podcast today. Because no matter where you are, it's never too late to rediscover a resilient, renewed relationship. Get ready for the rebuild!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Forgiveness is foundational for a healthy marriage and relationship. On this episode, we will capture how to identify unforgiveness and model responsibility to others. Our guest, marriage therapist, Beth Hunter, also shares with us her amazing process of forgiving in four steps. Join us as we unpack the insights and practical strategies in this enlightening conversation.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   

Get your Love Is Devotional here!  

Interested in group coaching for married women? Learn about Thrive Wives today!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Dating your spouse is oh-so-important, but what if your finances are on the struggle bus? I'm sharing four budget-friendly getaway ideas you'll want to try in your marriage. All of these tips are an invitation to the adventure of consistently dating your spouse . . . for a longer time stint. No money? No problem. Listen as I share some tips on how you can utilize the people in your circle to plan creative ideas for spending time with the one you love. 

Want to submit a relationship question for the show? Email or DM me.

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Get your FREE Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict here.

Ep. 52 - Making Love Outside the Bedroom 

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow, too! **

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Sexless marriages are on the rise, leaving both husband and wife frustrated, lonely, and hurt. Today's question comes from a listener who's been married for 30 years and sexless for one year. He describes in painful detail how his wife's rejection has him leaning toward divorce and how he is tempted consistently. This episode is not for the faint at heart. Listen in as I encourage this husband and anyone else who may be experiencing a sexless marriage how to overcome it and become free to enjoy the physical pleasure your marriage needs. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

76: 8 Reasons Why Women Won’t Initiate Sex (Shameless Sex Series)

27: Lopsided Libido – How to Deal with Different Sex Drives (All About Sex Series)

Are You in a Sexless Marriage (YouTube)

Get My FREE Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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Emotional affairs are entanglements that can quietly wreak havoc on marriages, so understanding and addressing them is critical for rebuilding trust and intimacy in our relationships. Too many couples allow unmet desires or longings to be fulfilled in other people and, as a result, introduce dysfunction in their marriages. Rebuilding trust after an emotional affair is possible, but first, let’s dismantle how these breaches in trust happen in the first place. We’re talking about the who, what, when, where, how, and why, and, most importantly, where to go from here if an emotional affair has rocked your marriage.  

Rebuilding trust after discovering an emotional affair is challenging, but it’s definitely achievable with the right steps and commitment. Here’s a roadmap to guide you:

Sever Ties Completely.
Be Completely Honest and Transparent. 
Reflect on the Open Door.
Set Relationship Boundaries.

Get the full show notes at https://danache.com/podcast. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Work Wife? When Infidelity Happens at Work - YouTube

Take My Free Partner Quiz & Rebuild Connection in Your Relationship

6 Keys to Rebuild Trust After an Affair

Like the show? Please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! 

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Join us for Faith Friday, where we dive into the meaning of unanswered prayers. It's a question that often resonates with many, whether you're a newcomer to faith, a seasoned believer, or simply curious about spirituality. "Why does God not answer my prayer?" It's a question that's likely crossed your mind, just as it has mine. 

Before we explore this topic further, I want to make one thing clear right from the start: God answers every single prayer. Yes, you heard that right, every single one. But here's the catch: His response depends on whether our prayers align with His divine will. 

John 5:14 says, “And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know that he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.” 

So, next time you're praying and it feels like heaven's gone silent, remember this: God doesn't abandon His children. Instead, He guides us with answers that are in our best spiritual interest. Instead of frustration, let's embrace gratitude for our kind, gracious, and loving Heavenly Father. 

Thank you for joining me on this Faith Friday episode. I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's topic. You can connect with me on Instagram @MrsDanaChe. And be sure to subscribe to the podcast to catch all the episodes. Your faith journey matters, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. 

Wishing you a Faith-Filled Friday and a weekend full of blessings. Until our next episode, take care. 

To stay updated with show notes, helpful articles, and more relationship tips, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com. 

We'd love for you to rate, review, and SUBSCRIBE to the podcast, as your support enables us to continue delivering valuable relationship content to people worldwide! 

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Get your copy of our latest devotional "Love Is"!

Learn more about how I can serve you best at https://danache.com.  

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When You Disagree on How to Discipline the Kids (Marriage & Family Series)

When parenting your children, disagreements don't have to come between you and your spouse. So what do you do when you and your spouse disagree on how to discipline the kids? Shaun and I have had many disagreements concerning our kids. It can tear your marriage apart when you disagree on discipline. I want us to focus on this topic because our goal is to share a little bit about our story, our failures, and some things that we figured out along the way, in the hopes that you will also be able to learn how to navigate forward.

Spoiler alert: it is possible to agree on your outcomes, even if not necessarily on your tactics. Most of us want our kids to thrive, and to be healthy, whole, loving, responsible people. So, join Shaun and me in this conversation. We're shedding some light and some wisdom on how to come to a truce when your parenting styles are misaligned.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE  

Learn more about Thrive Wives, our group coaching program

How Connected a Partner Are You? Take the free quiz to find out!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

It's a common marriage conundrum: how to deal with a messy spouse. In this episode, a listener, Sam, has been feeling overwhelmed by her husband's messiness. Newly married, she's discovering new realities of cohabitation that many of us can relate to. If you've faced similar struggles, or are facing them now, this episode is for you.

Here’s a sneak peek into what we covered in the episode:

1. Setting Boundaries: Learn how to set personal boundaries that respect both you and your spouse. It might mean creating a new space for yourself or simply refusing to pick up after your spouse. Remember, boundaries are about what YOU will or won’t do.

2. Creating Systems: Implement a household chore chart to divide responsibilities fairly. We could all use a little structure to ensure tasks don't fall through the cracks. I offer my premarital counseling clients this resource.

3. Uncovering Hidden Causes: Explore with your spouse the root of their habitual messiness. Sometimes, clutter is a mask for deeper emotions like stress or feeling out of control. Addressing the root causes can bring about lasting change.

4. Person vs. Performance: Separate your spouse’s behavior from who they are as a person. Understanding this distinction can ease frustration and foster more compassion in your marriage.

As always, we're here to support you in rebuilding and nurturing your marriage. If you have a marriage question you want to be answered on the show, reach out via Instagram DM  or email here.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE "Ultimate Couple's Checklist": 5 Simple Steps to Create More Intimacy

Like the show? Give it a five-star rating, and I'd love for you to write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Many marriages face problems and losses that test the very fabric of their relationships. From communication breakdowns to deep-rooted conflicts, navigating through the complexities of a marriage can be difficult. But there is hope. In this episode, we will explore the crucial concept of tearing down and building up in the context of a struggling marriage. Ecclesiastes 3:3 says, “There is a time to tear down and time to build up.” I believe as you work on rebuilding your marriage, there are three keys to taking a marriage from destruction to restoration.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters for Communicating in Conflict Here.

Find the full show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com.

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Entering into marriage is undoubtedly one of the most significant decisions you'll make in your life. But it comes with a cost. With the joys of the engagement season heightened by holidays like Christmas and Valentine's Day, many find themselves caught up in the excitement of wedding planning. However, while beautiful ceremonies and Instagram-worthy moments are cherished, the essence of a marriage lies in its longevity and health. This podcast episode details nine important questions to ask before you get married and emphasizes the importance of counting the cost before tying the knot, ensuring that you're prepared for a lifetime commitment, not just a memorable wedding day.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your FREE "7 Secrets to a Lasting Marriage" Audio Download Here. 

If you enjoy the show, please be sure to leave a five-star rating and write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Today, we continue discussing maintaining a sex-free relationship before marriage. In the previous episode, we learned about the WHY. In this episode, we explore the HOW -  practical strategies for achieving this goal. If you missed it, be sure to catch up on last week’s episode. 

To start, there is a friend of mine who is struggling with having sex before marriage. This person knows it’s not God’s best for them or their relationship, but they can’t seem to stop. They asked for my help and, specifically asked me for more solutions than just “prayer and boundaries.” They inspired this episode, and so I want to share with you some of the practical strategies I shared with them on how to stop having sex before marriage if the train has left the station (you’ve already done the deed). 

Stay tuned to learn these practical strategies, and feel free to reach out via DM on Instagram and Facebook if you have questions or need assistance with any of the strategies mentioned in the episode. 

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE  

Last week’s episode: 7 reasons to nix sex before marriage 

1 on 1 coaching with Dana Che 

SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT  

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. 

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A listener who describes her marriage of eleven years as "routine" and feels she's outgrown her husband needs advice. She says that while her husband is a good man, she feels a lack of attraction due to his complacency with routine life. This includes his responsibilities at work, caregiving for his mother, and domestic duties, all of which have led their marriage to feel stagnant. She admits to being drawn to other men but remains committed to her marriage because of their children and shared responsibilities, yet she struggles with the feeling that her marriage may have run its course.

Many spouses feel this way . . . disconnected from their spouses. Over the years, their interests, values, and goals sometimes diverge, leading to feelings of loneliness and frustration. This sets the stage for the episode's central focus: addressing these feelings and fostering growth in marriages.

Listen and learn four marriage tips to help overcome disconnection and reignite a sense of shared meaning in your marriage. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take the "How Connected Are You" Partner Quiz

Need Marriage Coaching? Schedule a Call Here

Like the show? Be sure to give it a five-star rating and write a positive review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Are you in search of a new church? Starting the process of finding the right church where you belong spiritually can be daunting. It's like discovering a home for your spirit, where you can contribute, grow, and connect. The local church not only shapes our sense of belonging but also our sense of believing. In this episode, we'll look into four practical questions to ask when looking for a new church. These questions are aligned with biblical teachings that can help with finding the right church for you.

Finding a good church is not just about preferences; it's about fostering a deep sense of belonging. The call to active participation, denominational freedom, and reliance on divine wisdom will empower you to discover not just a congregation but a spiritual home where you truly belong.

Links and Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Download your Speak Life Audio Affirmations

Listen to Episode 158: The Body of Christ in Motion

Listen to Episode 204: Do I Really Need to Go to Church?

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio | Google Podcasts | Podcast Addict 

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Do you ever wonder why you seem to make the same mistakes in relationships or attract the same type of people, especially when those people aren't good for you? Today's question comes from a listener who wants to ensure she doesn't make the same mistakes in her new relationship that she did in her old ones. Listen as I share five keys with her about relinquishing the past and moving forward with a clean slate. If you've struggled with the same cycles of behaviors in relationship after relationship, this episode will remind you that you can truly begin again, unscathed, unashamed, and unhindered. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Take My Free "How Connected a Partner Are You" Quiz Here 

Ep. 224: Baggage Claim - Releasing the Weight of Relationship Baggage

Get My "Love Is" Interactive Devotional Here

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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How do you reconnect emotionally in marriage when the feelings just aren't there? I’m answering this listener’s question on today’s episode. First, I just have to say how grateful I am for her transparency; I, too, have walked through seasons in my marriage where I felt disconnected. I’m sure many of you can relate to knowing the right actions to take but not feeling the emotions align with those actions. There were times when I simply didn’t want to do what I knew was right. Over the years, one thing I've learned is that actions often lead to feelings, not the other way around. This is called behavioral economics. Emotions are unpredictable, and they shouldn’t drive our decisions. Listen to find out how to respond to your spouse in love when you're not feeling the love. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

How Connected Are You Really? Take the Quiz and Find Out!

Ep. 80 - Feelings Aren't Forever

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Submission in marriage is a controversial topic, especially among Christians. Should wives submit to their husbands in these days or is submission a thing of the past? A listener asked me this question, and I am addressing this topic on the podcast today. Scriptures such as Ephesians 5 can long be used to support women submitting to their husbands, so let's talk about it. Whether you believe that women should submit to their husbands or not, this episode is sure to be a great conversation piece. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

🔗 Take My Online Course: From Conflict to Connection - How to Communicate Without Arguing

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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Forgiving What You Can’t Forget Pt. 2

We’re discussing part two of forgiving what you can’t forget and continuing to talk about the fourfold path to forgiveness. These references come from Desmond and Mpho Tutu's book The Book on Forgiving. It's an incredible book; so well written. When I read this book, it was like a really kind, sweet, older gentleman, uncle, grandpa, that kind of person, who was just, loves you through his words. That's the best way that I can describe it. It's such a compassionate, gentle book, but with powerful truths. 

Step 2 - Name the Hurt

The next step in the fourfold path to forgiveness is naming the hurt. It's one thing for you to tell the story. For example, this thing happened to me,  my husband was unfaithful, my wife depleted our bank account, whatever the situation is. But it's another thing for you to then name the hurt for you to actually get real about what was lost. What did you lose when that thing happened? Get real specific about that. I’ve had quite a few things happen in my life that have caused me grief, and I've just kind of moved on. Now, that's not to say that I haven't grieved at all, but if I'm honest, I probably skipped some steps because I don't like to feel sad. I don't like feeling sorrow. I don't like to think about loss. So to really be honest and real with myself about the fact that I really lost something there takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of honesty. 

It takes a lot of vulnerability to just sit with that and to realize that some of the things that you lost, you can never get back. If you were, God forbid, sexually assaulted as a child, you lost your innocence, and you won't be able to get that back. Now, that does not mean that you're damaged goods. It doesn't mean that your life is over and you're somehow always going to be walking around with a scarlet A on your forehead. Absolutely not. But it does mean that you have to acknowledge that something was lost. So a part of naming the hurt is super important because it allows you to stop pretending or minimizing what happened. It's one thing to, again, be general, I was hurt, I was betrayed, I was let down. It's another thing to say, this is the hurt. I lost my confidence, I lost my security, I lost the closeness that I felt with that person. I lost my safety, I lost my savings. Whatever it might be, whatever was lost. It's important that you're able to name that and not just the tangible things, but the Nontangibles. That's super important that we're able to do that. Be specific about what it is that you lost. 

Good Grief

There's another book, and I'll link to this in the show notes of this podcast. It's called Good Grief by Granger Westburg. I read this book back in 2008 after my best friend passed away from breast cancer, and I've talked about this before on the show. I've told you just now that I'm not the greatest at dealing with grief. So I had to start seeing a grief counselor because I could not move on. Now, obviously, you're dealing with a very significant loss, like people expect you to grieve for a while, right? But this was different. It wasn't like I was in denial. I knew that she had died, but it really affected me in ways that I did not know what to do with. And so I started seeing a grief counselor. And that was one of the best decisions that I ever did because I think had I not started seeing that grief counselor, I probably would have just masked it under some religious jargon, like, “Oh, she's in glory, bless the Lord.” That's not what we need to do when we are going through loss and pain. We don't need to mask it in some religious ideology. 

ALSO LISTEN TO EP. 47: GRIEVING WITH HOPE 

Step 3 - Granting Forgiveness

Step three is granting forgiveness. Now, I say this a lot, and I'm going to say it again, that forgiveness is both a choice and a process. You are not always going to feel like forgiving. And forgiveness is not just something as easy as just like, I forgive you. Okay, let's move on. It starts off as a choice, but then you have to work it out as a process. These four steps that I'm giving you today is the process, or a process. So when I tell you that you need to grant forgiveness, it is a choice. You have to get to a point where you realize that when you withhold forgiveness from someone, you're truly only hurting yourself in the long run. 

Scientific studies have shown what unforgiveness does to the human body. Our bodies were not meant to hold on to unforgiveness. Your body was not meant to hold on to unforgiveness. You were not created to hold that much pain, to absorb that much trauma unhealed. So when you choose not to forgive, you're choosing to stay stuck in your trauma and in your shame, and in your pain. I tweeted this years ago. It's not my original tweet, but “Holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.” Some of the people that we are not forgiving have gone on about their lives, and they are not thinking about you at all. They're not thinking about what they did. They're not thinking about your hurt. They're not thinking about anything. They are living their best life, and you're the one stuck in the trauma. How do you get out of it? Well, you choose to forgive them. 

Forgiveness is also not something that they earn. Forgiveness is a gift. They don't have to ever ask you for an apology. I know that's hard to hear because we want that. We need that. It's like, wait a minute, you hurt me. You need to apologize. And the truth is, in a perfect world, absolutely that would work. But not everybody's going to apologize. Maybe they don't think that what they did was wrong. Maybe they're a jerk. So maybe that person has died and they'll never be able to acknowledge what they did. They'll never be able to apologize. And this is why forgiveness is not predicated on someone asking for an apology. Forgiveness is simply a choice that you make. It's what you choose to do. I choose to forgive you, even if you're unworthy. Even if you never ask for my forgiveness. Even if you don't think you did anything wrong. This is hard. You all easier said than done. I get it. I get it. But when you choose to forgive, you release yourself. Yeah, you release that person, but you really release yourself. You release yourself from them having to pay you back for whatever they did. Forgiveness is a gift. And I think one of the things that really helps us to forgive others is realizing that we have been forgiven.

When we realize that we're humans, and I know that sounds so oversimplified, like everyone's human, but truthfully, we have done things to others that we didn't intend to do. We have hurt other people. We have caused people pain. And sometimes we meant to and sometimes we didn't. So when we're able to get in touch with that side of ourselves, with our humanity, then it gives us grace for other people. It gives us compassion for other people. Even when they hurt us, it gives us empathy for other people. 

Forgiving Keeps Your Heart Tender

Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you've done something that is just so horrible and you've not forgiven yourself. It's time for you to put yourself in the forgiveness box. It's time for you to give yourself some grace, some compassion, some empathy. And that is what happens when we choose to forgive. We set ourselves free. We set the other person free. Ephesians 4:32, one of my favorite scriptures, says, “Be kind one to another, tender-hearted forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sakes, has forgiven you.” Think about that. Tenderhearted. When you forgive, you keep your heart tender. You see when you choose to hold on to unforgiveness, it makes your heart hard and calloused. 

And you wonder why you can't love. You wonder why you can't bond. You wonder why there's a wall up between you and other people. It's because when you hold on to unforgiveness, it hardens you. It embitters you. But when you're able to forgive, you have a tender heart. You keep your heart soft and pliable and flexible. Maybe you think but then people are going to hurt you again. Maybe they will. But I'd rather have a tender heart that's open to love and that's open to accepting people and living with others with all of their weaknesses, all of their flaws, all of their insecurities, and mine vs being this hardened, tough person who's trying to protect myself from all the hurts in the world. Because guess what, friend? You can live like that all you want. And people are still going to figure out a way to hurt you. So you may as well live with a tender heart. 

Step 4 - Renew or Release the Relationship 

Step four is to renew or release the relationship. This is an important conversation here because there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. There are some relationships that are not going to be able to be reconciled. Like I said earlier, there might be people in your life who have died. You can't be reconciled with them. There might be people in your life who are completely unsafe, and I've had to do that with some people. I will offer forgiveness, but we will not have a relationship. I'm not going to be bitter. I'm not going to egg your house. I'm not going to pray for your demise, but we will not be reconciled, and that is okay. You want to use those situations sparsely. You don't want that to be your M.O. for everybody. You don't want that to be how you treat people. But the truth is, there are some relationships that can be renewed. In Thrive Relationship Coaching, we talk about how to actually restore your relationships, but then even with that, I understand that there are going to be some relationships that are not going to be able to be restored.

There are some relationships that aren't going to be able to be restored, but there are many relationships that can be. So how do you know the difference? How do I know if this relationship can be restored or if I need to be able to release it? Repentance? Is that person truly repentant? Are they willing to make repairs? If they're not willing to make repairs and if they're not repentant, well, then that leaves you with your answer. 

To Forget or Not Forget?

Yes, there are times that you can wipe the slate clean, when have chosen to forgive. It’s then that you need to start over and wipe the slate clean. This is what it means to “keep no record of wrongs,” like it says in 1 Corinthians 13. This does not mean that love allows you to just be taken advantage of or that love never brings up wrongs. It said, keeps no record, meaning that you're not always throwing in the face something that your spouse or whoever did to you. So when you decide your relationship can be repaired, renewed, or restored, it's time to wipe the slate clean. Next, you do what the Bible teaches in Philippians 3: “forget what lies behind and you press forward to what lies ahead.”

Now, the title of this episode is Forgiving What You Can't Forget. So am I contradicting myself? No. And neither is the word of God when it says forgetting what lies behind. God knows that we're human beings and we're not going to technically forget. But it means that you no longer focus on that thing. That thing is in your rearview mirror. So just like you driving down the street and you see some houses and some fields and some cars. When you pass those things, those things are in your past, they're done. You're probably not going to keep staring in your rearview mirror because then guess what? You'll miss everything that's in front of you. That's how healthy relationships work. Once you forgive, now it's behind you. That doesn't mean that you'll never think about it. That doesn't mean that you won't even sometimes reach back in the past to help other people with your story as I said earlier. But it does mean that you're no longer harping on that thing. You're no longer focusing on it. It's not tripping you up anymore. You're choosing to let the past be the past, and you're choosing to press ahead to what lies ahead in the future. And if you're not able to do that, then that relationship is not going to be restored or repaired. 

Release the Hurt

So this brings us to our final point here, which is forgiveness is about releasing. It's about releasing the hurt. So just like we named the hurt, now it's about releasing the hurt. Just like you confronted the person, now it's about releasing the person. Just like you had to tell your story, now it's about releasing that story so that you can now tell a different story.

God has used our story to bless many, many marriages so that they could know that there is truly nothing that you will go through in your marriage that God can't fix and heal so long as you're willing to do the work. And this is why we end every episode by saying that a good relationship is not one that works. A good relationship is one where you put in the work. You've got to put in the work. There's no magic wand fairy dust that God's doing for some people and not for others. That's not how it works. If you're willing to do the work, if you're willing to go through this process of forgiveness that we've talked about, anything can work.

If you’re ready to do the work of restoring your relationship, schedule your discovery call with me at http://danache.com/getstarted. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode 

Episode 149: Forgiving What You Can’t Forget - Pt. 1

Episode 116: Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs - with Dr. J. Calvin Tibbs

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Overcoming Father Wounds - with Kia Stephens

Fatherlessness is at an all-time high. The pain of growing up without a dad isn’t something that just leaves you. Today, we’re talking with Kia Stephens, author of Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God’s Perfect Love. Kia shares her story of what life was like growing up with an absentee father and the road she walked to forgiveness. You’ve likely heard of daddy-less daughters and fatherless families. But what isn’t often talked about is what is required on the part of the abandoned child (who is likely now an adult) to bring healing and wholeness to their life.

Abandonment Breeds Rejection

Kia acknowledges the rejection she felt by her father’s abandonment. Without a doubt, abandonment breeds the seed of rejection in our lives. Many grown men and women today are still hurting from the rejection they felt once their dads left. Typically, fathers provide a deeper level of identity and affirmation to a child, so when he is not there, that child is left with wounds that are hard to heal. Kia calls these affirmation wounds, love wounds, and acceptance wounds. But what about moms? Can’t moms fill in the gaps for the gaps absentee fathers leave? Unfortunately, no. Though the role of mom is very important, it’s the covering of a father that most children crave. 

Rejection makes us feel unwanted. Kia tells a story of a friend who casually mentioned building a bookshelf with her dad. The pain of that simple story made such an impact on Kia as she realized she would never build anything with her own dad. There would be no camping trips, long conversations, or other “normal” things that many girls that did have their fathers around would experience. And there again, the cycle of rejection is solidified. 

Physically Present But Emotionally Absent

Maybe your father was physically present but emotionally absent. That can hurt just as bad, and sometimes even worse. If you grew up with a father who was an alcoholic or other kind of addict, emotionally absent, abusive, etc., you likely dealt with the same father wounds. Let this be a charge to the fathers who are still present in the home: proximity doesn’t equal presence. Being present is being fully vested in the relationship: body, mind, and soul. 

Forgiveness is the Key

The only way to heal the wound of fatherlessness is through forgiveness. Kia talks about the process she had to walk through to forgive her father. And hear me, forgiveness is not optional. I know that it’s hard, but forgiveness is not just for the other person, but ultimately for you. When you forgive, you set yourself free from the shame, the pain, the loss, the sorrow, the anger, and the need to retaliate. You become free even if/when the other person can’t or won’t acknowledge what they did to you. Kia was encouraged to write a forgiveness latter: basically a letter “getting it all out there.” The caveat is that you don’t actually send the letter to the person who harmed you (in this case, your father), but you use it as a powerful tool of asserting your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Again, forgiveness is for you. 

ALSO LISTEN TO: The Power of Forgiveness: Release Them, Restore You 

There’s much more to this episode! Be sure to listen to the episode in full. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode

Get Kia’s book Overcoming Father Wounds 

Learn more about Kia at kiastephens.com. 

How Connected of a Partner Are You? Take the Free Quiz!

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I received a heartfelt email from a listener struggling with the aftermath of his wife’s affair. His words resonated with me, and I found myself reflecting on my own journey through such tumultuous times. In this episode, I share some insights, offering guidance and support for anyone walking this difficult path, including: 

1. Understanding the Aftermath

2. The Importance of Time and Patience

3. Avoid Triggering Media

4. Forgiveness Goes Both Ways

5. Turning Your Sorrow to Prayer

If you or someone you know is facing similar struggles, I encourage you to reach out.  You’re not alone, and as I often remind you, healing is indeed coming. Stay the course, my friends; brighter days are ahead.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict 

Like the show? Please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In the healthiest of families, disagreements surface, and the church, as a spiritual family, is no exception. Join us in this edition of Faith Friday as we draw inspiration from the word of God to help us navigate the path toward healing church hurt.

Is It Church Hurt or Offense?

Church hurt involves intentional or unintentional actions that cause pain, such as abuse, slander, or betrayal within the church community. On the other hand, offense is a perceived insult, a feeling of being disregarded or left out.

Understanding this is important. Knowing the difference lays the foundation for the healing process. It helps individuals discern whether they actually need healing from hurt or if they need to learn how to live unoffendably. 

Learn how to confront situations, aim for restoration, healthily leave a church, and much more in this episode!

Get the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/208.

Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode

Speak Life Audio Affirmations

Other Episodes in this Church Series:

How to Find a Good Church

Do I Really Need to Go to Church?

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Today's question comes from one of my Instagram followers who wants some suggestions on how to get in the mood for sex. Low libido or lack of sexual desire is a very common issue. Here's the question: 

I have a question about intimacy. I have a hard time getting in the mood for sex. This has been a recurring issue for me. I just don’t think I’ve ever had a high sex drive. But I want him to be happy. I know it’s important to him. I’ve listened to some of your podcast episodes in the shameless sex series. You did a while back. Are there any quick fixes you can give for those of us who struggle in this department? 

Listen in as I share my suggestions using the analogy of "getting your head in the game."

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Take the "How Connected a Partner Are You?" Quiz here.

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

Please Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I am thrilled to share some incredibly exciting news with you. The podcast is undergoing a major rebranding to better serve our listeners and community. I am happy to introduce you to the all-new Rebuilding Us podcast! This decision came after lots of prayer, input, thoughts, more prayer, more thoughts . . . it was a process. There is significance in the naming of something. Real Relationship Talk served us well, and now, we're hitting full throttle with Rebuilding Us.

As I reflect on the challenges and triumphs of my own marriage, I recognize the need to create a more intentional space where individuals and couples can reclaim the goodness in their relationships, restore what was lost, and magnify the positive aspects of their marriages. This realization propelled me to reimagine the podcast to align it with my life’s calling, as expressed in Isaiah 61:4 - a scripture that signifies a continuous, active process of rebuilding in the context of marriage.

In this episode, I reveal the why behind the new name and the new features you can expect to hear beginning next week!

For a full rundown on what's changing and what's not, see the show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com.

Join my e-mail list and get first dibs on news, promotions, coaching, and updates!

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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Fear is a natural response to danger. But it can also paralyze your progress. In this  Faith Friday episode, we're drawing parallels between fear and faith. Listen as we share insights from scripture and offer practical encouragement for dealing with fear and choosing faith over fear.

Key Points:

- How to turn your fear into faith

- The role of trust in shaping future outcomes

- Examples from scripture of individuals who battled fear and overcame it through faith

- Encouragement for listeners to meditate on and apply specific scriptures to combat fear

Get the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/200.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your Speak Life audio affirmations here.

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In this episode, we’re discussing the relationship mind games people play and how to kick these detrimental relational habits to the curb. Just like clutter in our physical space, bad relationship habits (like mind games) clutter our emotional world and hinder the path to fulfilling connections. Today, I want to help you recognize these habits, understand the damage they create, and most importantly, replace them with healthier and more authentic methods of communication.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE

Last week's episode - Releasing the Weight We Carry from Relationship Baggage

Episode 63 How Apathy is Silently Killing Your Marriage

Learn more about premarital counseling here. 

Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and rate it if you love it!

Connect with Dana on Instagram @mrsdanache or on Facebook @Thrive Relationships. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Most Christian couples would never think of their spouse or their marriage as an idol. But chances are good that that is exactly what happens in many relationships. On this episode we define what idolatry is in our modern world and how we easily fall into it. What is idolatry in the context of marriage? What are the dangers of making marriage an idol and how do you destroy the idol without destroying the relationship?

Throughout the episode, I discuss the dangers of making marriage or a spouse an idol and the potential pitfalls when God is not in the rightful place. The discussion also warns against maintaining a "transactional" relationship with God, seeking him just for needs instead of an ongoing relationship just because. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationships and seek God's presence to address any idols in their lives.

Links Mentioned in the Show

To listen to a sermon I preached on “Idols in Disguise,” click here.

Don’t forget to download your “Speak Life Audio Affirmations” here. 

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

It’s Faith Friday! Have you ever wanted to share your faith journey but hesitated because you felt you didn’t know enough Bible? Today, I'm going to address a common concern: How can you share your faith when you don't know many scriptures? 

You're not alone if you've felt this way. Many Christians hesitate to share their faith because they believe they need to be Bible experts.

Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words." Your life is a testament to your faith. Be mindful of how you live.

Three keys to sharing your faith are: 

1. Live your life in a way that compels people to want to know Christ.
2. Learn the art of listening.
3. Share your story in relation to God's story.

Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear me break these keys down. For the full podcast show notes, visit https://realrelationshiptalk.com/episode184.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your FREE “Speak Life” Audio Affirmations here. 

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In the fast-paced and ever-changing world of the 21st century, where trends come and go, and society rapidly evolves, it’s easy to wonder “Is the Bible still relevant today?” Do the ancient texts of the Bible speak to current life? This age-old question, "Is the Bible still relevant today?" often arises, sparking debates and contemplation among believers and non-believers alike. In this Faith Friday episode we delve into this timeless inquiry, offering insights that shed light on the enduring significance of the Bible in contemporary times.

The pivotal role of the Bible is to illuminate the character and nature of God and his plan for humanity. In this episode, we highlight two scripture verses from Isaiah and Psalms that underpin the enduring nature of God's word.

Find the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/198.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Download your FREE Speak Life Affirmations Audio here.

Connect with me on Instagram

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

As you deal with the shock of discovering your spouse’s infidelity, it can feel like a collision with a semi-truck, leaving you paralyzed, numb, and drowning in a sea of emotions. You have been traumatized. Your initial response to such devastating news can be paralyzing, leaving you grappling with disbelief, pain, and confusion. It’s a sensitive yet profoundly significant topic – navigating the aftermath of discovering a partner’s infidelity. Let’s unravel the emotional journey, practical steps, and the pathway to healing after the shattering revelation of a spouse’s unfaithfulness.

Respond, Don’t React:

In the midst of this emotional turbulence, it’s better to embrace a strategic approach – responding, not reacting. The distinction between these two responses will be critical as you navigate in the storm. Impulsively reacting, no matter how temporarily satisfying it may seem, only compounds the situation. Instead, choosing a thoughtful and intentional response lays the groundwork for healing and restoration. Listen as I share some suggestions to help accelerate the healing process. 

Find the full show notes at rebuildinguspodcast.com. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Download your “Conversation Starters for Couples in Conflict” guide here. 

Book suggestion: Good Grief by Granger Westberg

Ep. 229: Hubby Talks: What Caused Infidelity in Our Marriage [Affair-Proof]

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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The Power of Conflict: How Disagreements Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Can conflict actually help you connect? The whole reason that I wanted to do this episode is to help you to understand that conflict can be a great asset in your marriage. Conflict can actually be a great asset in any relationship if you understand how to use it. Conflict is like a tool. And if you learn how to use the tool correctly, then you're going to find that it's not such a scary thing when conflict shows up in your relationships. So we have a jam-packed episode today, you guys. I'm going to be sharing lots and lots of skills, tools, and resources with you. 

But before we get into all of that, I want to ask you to do me a favor. Right after you finish listening to this episode, I would love for you to write a podcast review, especially if you are listening to this on Apple podcast or Spotify. Let me tell you why there are so many people who find out about this podcast by word of mouth. Shaun and I were in a restaurant, eating dinner with some friends. We were outside, and a couple walked past the table, and they were like, "I love your podcast. I love your podcast." And I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm feeling famous. You know what I mean? And it was such a cool experience. But then, about ten minutes later, this other woman walks by our table, and she's like, "Oh, my gosh, I love your podcast. I listen to it every single week!"

Why am I sharing this with you? Because both the couple and the woman who walked by heard about my podcast from a friend. So when you share this podcast, you have no idea the seeds that you are planting in your friends' lives. They might hear an episode that I did way back in 2020 or 2021 that will help to save their marriage. So by writing a simple review, you are helping this podcast to be found by people who really need it. So thank you so much for doing that. 

Let's Talk About Conflict

 So I like to talk about conflict, okay? I am not conflict-avoidant at all. Now, when I say that to people, it doesn't mean that I like to stir up trouble either. I don't like to create conflict. I'm just not afraid of it because I have learned that conflict is a tool in your marriage. But it's also a tool in any relationship. If you're a parent and you're dealing with conflict with your children, you can use that conflict to draw you closer to the relationship that you have to teach you more about your child, to teach you more about yourself. And of course, you can just sparse that out into any relationship that you're in. So I want to be able to give us some real practical takeaways today. As you listen to this episode, we're going to be talking about conflict as connection. 

If you've listened to my show for a while, you know that I talk about connection a lot. I'm going to give you five quick reasons, and I might throw in a bonus as to how conflict is connection or how conflict shows up as connection in your relationships. So the first thing is that conflict gets you talking. When you start to have issues in your relationship or issues in your marriage, there's some sort of disagreement, right? It's going to keep you talking. Now, you might not always say the right things or say them in the right way, but at least you're talking. You're getting your feelings out. You're sharing your emotions. You're being authentic, you're being honest about how you truly feel and what that particular thing is bringing up in you. 

Conflict Teaches You How to Speak Up

So let's say, for example, you are having a disagreement with your spouse about parenting. My goodness, that happens to all of us in that connection. It might come up that you realize that when you were growing up, your parents were overly critical of you. Maybe you've never really thought about that before and how that shows up in your parenting, but you get into an argument with your spouse and you're like, you sound just like my dad. You sound just like my mom. My mom was always overbearing. My mom was always critical of me. And you didn't even realize that you were saying that until the words came out.

Now, your spouse might not appreciate that you just said that about them, but if your spouse and you can take a step back and go, whoa, wait a minute. Okay, so this isn't really about my spouse. This is about my parents, and I'm being triggered by something that my spouse is doing. But, at the end of the day, I just had an epiphany. I just realized that I'm still dealing with some trauma or some struggles or some bad memories of how I grew up and how I felt like my parents treated me. And I'm kind of taking that out on my spouse. So when you're in conflict, it can help you to connect to your spouse because it gets you to talk. It gets you to say the things that you've been stuffing down inside. It gets you to say the things that you're thinking about, but you're not necessarily talking about. And so in that regard, conflict is a great connector.

Conflict Teaches You When to Shut Up

Now, number two is going to seem like a contradiction to what I just said in number one, and it's that conflict can get you to shut up. We just talked about it can get you to talk, but it can also get you to be quiet. It can get you to shut up when you're in conflict with your spouse. There's a point where you realize, I've said all the things that I need to say there's really nothing else to say, and so I'm done. Now, when I say I'm done, I don't mean like, I'm done. I'm walking out of the marriage or I'm walking out of the relationship. I mean, I'm done talking about that issue because there's really nothing else to be said about it. You all when we learn the appropriate times to shut our mouths, it can be incredibly helpful in our relationship. 

I was talking to someone today, a client of mine, and I told her, I said, there are times in our relationship that we have to learn. It's just like driving a car. You got to learn how to press the gas pedal down, and then sometimes you have to learn how to apply the brakes. So if you're always pressing that gas (i.e. working on your marriage, working on your relationship, talking about communication, fixing your communication), that's like the gas pedal . . . Well, at some point, your car is going to run out of gas. You have got to learn how to slow down sometimes, how to put the brakes on sometimes. And this is what I mean by silence or not talking and how that can actually help to create the connection in your marriage or your relationship.

It's okay if you're not talking about all the issues and all the problems every single day. It's okay if you and your spouse get to a point and you're like, I really don't know what else to say about this particular thing. Take a breather. Now, you do need to come back at some point to that problem so that you could figure out where we go from here. Even if there's no "solution" to that problem, you still need to kind of tie up that loose end and say, we're not agreed here. Maybe there's no "solution" here, but where do we go from here? What's our next move? What's our next step? But before you get to that point, it's okay if there's some sort of putting the brakes on, if there's some sort of pause, if there's some sort of some quiet. I think it was about two years ago, I put a poll up in a Facebook group that I managed. It's called Christian Marriages and Relationships. Shameless plug. If you want to join that group, head on over to Facebook and join.

I put up a poll in the group, and I asked them, I said, what do you think is more damaging in a relationship, silent treatments or angry outbursts? And it was an incredible post, and I love hearing from some of our members in that group. And actually, now that I think about it, I should probably do a whole podcast episode on that because we must talk about what are some of the benefits of both. Now, I don't believe that anger is really something that we are going to use as a helpful tool in marriage, but we can learn a lot about ourselves and our spouses when anger does show up. But I digress. Number two is that conflict can help you to connect to your spouse by getting you to shut up sometimes. 

Conflict Help You Connect By Teaching You About Your Partner

Number three, conflict can act as a connection because it teaches you about your partner when you're angry about something in your marriage or when your partner, I should say, is angry about something in the marriage. It can teach you about them. It could teach you about their passion points, their values, what they hold dear, what they hold precious, what their opinions are, and what their perspective is. I am a big proponent of being a lifelong student of your partner. None of us should ever get to this point in our marriages or in our relationships where we feel like, I know my partner. We're good. There's nothing else to learn. I think when you get to that point in your relationship, your relationship has either died or is on the way to a slow death, we will never learn everything there is to know about our partner, because guess what? We grow. We evolve, and we change. 

So when you're in conflict, that can be a great teacher. You can start to learn, oh, wow. I did not know that my husband was insecure about such and such an issue. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. My wife was tender about that specific subject. So Shaun is a man of few words, and Shaun does not get angry very often. You guys like, honestly, I could probably count on one hand the times that I've seen him angry in our whole almost 24 years of marriage. But there are times when I push that little red button, and he will respond right. In some kind of way, and I'm like, Whoop. Okay, well, I guess he doesn't like when I say that, or I guess he doesn't like it when I do that, right?

Read about John Gottman's Thoughts on Criticism & Contempt

I can look at that conflict, and I can be like, oh, my gosh, look at him getting upset with me. Who does he think he is getting upset with me? He doesn't have a reason to get upset with me. What about what he did yesterday? What about what he did last week? I can do that. Or I can say, you know what? What is Shaun teaching me about himself right now? What am I learning about this man right now? Oh, I'm learning that he feels disrespected when I come at him in this kind of way, or he feels dishonored when I say this or when I don't say something to him. So in that regard, I can look at that conflict as a teacher. It's teaching me about my husband. If you look at conflict the same way it should be teaching you about your husband or your wife, about your partner. So that's just yet another way that conflict can be a connector because it teaches us about our spouse. 

Conflict in Marriage Teaches You New Skills

The fourth thing that conflict does is that it teaches you new skills when you're in conflict and you can't figure out a solution, right? Like, have you ever been in a conversation with your partner? And it's just like I said, the number two tip that I share, is that conflict makes you shut up, right? There are times, you guys, that conflict will teach you how to approach the problem differently. What do they say the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing, expecting different results, right? So if you are doing the same thing and you are not getting the results that you want, it's probably time to change it up. 

It's teaching you how to deal with the problem differently. Because if you do the same old things, you'll get the same old results. So if yelling and screaming and arguing is not working, which, newsflash, it does not work, then when you're in conflict, you can learn some new skills. Okay, well, maybe the yelling thing isn't really working for us. So what can we do now? What's next? What's new? And you'll learn. Okay, let's do this. I remember Shaun and I were in our mastermind that we did last month with some couples. And Shaun told them a story about how he and I had this disagreement once, and he said, "Hey, Dana, I need to talk to you about something, but I don't want you to respond for 24 hours."

You guys, I thought I was going to die! 24 hours without talking is a long time. I like to talk. Okay? So I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm not going to be able to say anything that this man for 24 hours. Now, he didn't mean like, I can't talk to him, but he meant he did not want me to talk about that situation. And I was like, well, what am I supposed to do with 24 hours? Oh, my gosh, I have so many words and so many thoughts. But you know what I did? I thought I thought about what he said. I thought about what I said. I thought about what he meant. I thought about what I should be thinking, and something magical happened in 24 hours, you guys. And it was that my response to Sean was so different 24 hours later than it would have been if I would have given him an answer right away. He's a wise man, isn't he? 

There are times in your relationships when you're going to learn a new skill, a new tool. Shaun didn't get that out of a book. It was really spontaneous because he was tired of us dealing with this issue the same old way. So he's like, let's switch it up. Let's do something different. And now that has become one of our favorite go-to tools. When we are in an impasse, when we're dealing with conflict that we really can't get through, it's like, okay, let's come back to this thing in 24 hours. You think about it. I'll think about it. And guess what? In 24 hours, you guys, we almost always reconcile because whatever that thing was isn't even important anymore.

We've had so much time to think about what is the real issue and what we're really feeling and what we're really dealing with, that whatever we were upset about, it doesn't matter. Usually in 24 hours. So that might be a tool that you can use in your relationship or when you're in conflict, what is something else that you can do? What's another tool that you can use to bring to that conflict to get a different result? And that is one of the greatest things that conflict teaches us. They teach us or it, I should say, teaches us new skills, new tools. 

Conflict in Relationships Shows You Who the Real Enemy Is

Number five is that conflict teaches you who the real enemy is. I say this so many times that I feel like a broken record. Your spouse is not the problem. The problem is the problem. You need to look at your spouse, maybe right now if you're with them, or later on when you see them, and tell them you are not the problem. The problem is the problem. When you deal with conflict in your relationship, then you get to realize that, like, my spouse is not my enemy. We are on the same team here. We are together fighting a common enemy. And when you go through conflict, if you're aware and if you're wise enough to understand that, then you can get through anything together because you'll realize that your spouse isn't the problem. Your spouse isn't really the issue.

Your spouse is your warrior friend. They really are. I know you might not think of your spouse in that way, but they really are your warrior friend. Even if they're not treating you nicely, even if you guys maybe aren't even talking right now, maybe you're in the middle of a silent treatment right now and you're like, they are not my warrior friend. I do not like them right now. Like, I get it, y'all, I get it. But your spouse is your warrior friend. And so when you can actually go through conflict with them instead of against them, then you realize what the real enemy is.

Now, if you are a Christian listening to this podcast, you will know what I'm about to say. The real enemy is the enemy. It is the enemy himself who was out to steal, kill, and destroy, who hates marriage, who hates to see you thrive, who hates to see you win, who wants to destroy your marriage, wants to destroy your family, wants to destroy your legacy, wants to destroy your testimony. He's the real enemy. And what he does is he puts these little smoke and mirrors up in front of us and we begin to think, oh my gosh, I married the wrong person. Oh my gosh, my spouse doesn't love me anymore. Or oh my gosh, I don't love my spouse anymore. I've fallen out of love. Maybe John down the street is better suited for me. Maybe Susie down in the break room is actually who I really need to be with. And that's his play. He's done the same thing since the beginning of time. 

A Lesson About Conflict and the Blame Game

Adam and Eve and the Garden blamed each other for the very thing that the enemy had caused them to do. So we have got to start getting wise, you all, and stop fighting each other and realize that we have a common enemy. Now, you might be thinking, literally, Dana, is Satan himself really against me and my marriage? Yes. Okay, but there are times that it might not be that deep, right? You might have an enemy that is more tangible or more in your face if you want to put it that way. You could be dealing with, let's say you're just dealing with unforgiveness. Well, unforgiveness is the enemy. It's not your spouse. You could be dealing with an addiction. Well, the addiction is the enemy, not your spouse. Now, that's not a reason to excuse bad behavior and be like, oh, it's not your fault, it's just the enemy. No, we still have to take personal responsibility, right? Because none of us are puppets on a string. We still have free will, we still have choice. But at the end of the day, we do need to understand that there is a real enemy out there who is seeking to devour, who's seeking to devour your marriage. And so when you understand that, then you can start taking your focus off of your spouse as the bad guy or the bad girl, and you can start to look at who's really behind the destruction of your marriage. Y'all, I could do an entire podcast on that alone. It's so important that you understand that fact now because I love you, I'm going to give you a bonus number six reason as to how conflict is actually connection. 

Conflict Can Be Great for Make-Up Sex

Are you all ready for this one? Conflict helps you to have great makeup sex. I mean, it just does. You know, I was going there. It's true, it's true. Think of all the great makeup sex that you have had in your marriage. It's incredible. You're like, oh my gosh, I haven't talked to my spouse. I haven't touched them because I'm mad at them. And so, like, when their toe grazes my leg in the middle of the night, I snatch my leg away because I don't want them touching me at all. Am I in your house? Does anybody else do that other than me? Am I crazy self, right? It's like when you are in conflict with your spouse, you don't want to be touched, you don't want to connect with them. You don't want to look at them, you don't want to be near them. You're upset with them. And then when you make up, it's like all of that energy has just been like building up, building up, building up. And now you get to release it and the angels sing in heaven and it's glorious. It's amazing. Now, don't go getting on your spouse's nerves just to have great makeup sex. Like, over time, that's going to get old. But should you find yourself in conflict, just understand that in about two or three days, you're going to be great. You're going to be like, oh, okay. 

Funny, funny story; I remember. Well, it wasn't funny then, it wasn't funny then at all. It was pretty traumatic. But it's funny now because I'm on the other side of it. I remember Shaun and I had gone through this in-home separation. This is back in crazy, crazy times of our marriage, and we've been through many different crazy cycles. But this particular time we were going to do like this in-home separation because we didn't want the kids to know how bad it was. And so we were in this in-home separation and I was like, don't even think about coming in my room and getting in my bed. We are separated, okay? And so Shaun was like on his nicest behavior. Of course, he's trying to get back in my good graces. And I'm like, no, we're doing this in-home separation thing. And you guys, there was something about just being in the same house with this man. It was like electrical charges were flying all over the place. And I was trying to put on my game face and be strong and be like, you know what? No, we are doing this separation thing. And he was like, hey, can I give you a massage? No, do not touch me. But then it was like two days later, I'd be like, well, maybe just a shoulder massage. That's it, nothing lower, just a shoulder massage. And then like ten minutes later we were like having sex or something. I'm serious. That just is the truth. That's my truth. 

That's how it happens. Why am I telling you this? Because when you are married and you go through these seasons of conflict, on the other side of that, it can bring you closer together. It can bring you closer together. Not just sexual intimacy, but emotional intimacy. There is a bond that is created, yes, through sex, that helps the other forms of intimacy in your marriage. So when you're able to look at conflict as this thing is, it's not so scary, it's not so detrimental. It doesn't have to come and destroy your marriage. You don't have to be afraid of it. You don't have to shy away from it. You don't have to pretend that conflict isn't there. You can look at conflict and say, you know what? I am grateful for this conflict because it's going to get us to talking. It's also going to get us to shut up. It's also going to teach me about my partner. It's also going to teach us some new skills. It's also going to teach us who the real enemy is. And then it's also going to help us to have some incredible sex. Conflict is not that scary. So I hope, my friends, that this episode is going to help you the next time you find yourself in conflict to see all the beautiful benefits that can come out of it if you understand that conflict can actually be a support tool for you and your marriage. So that wraps up our episode today.

I'm so glad that you are here with us today. I'm so glad that you are a faithful listener of this podcast. And maybe this is your first time. You're like, I ain't a faithful listener. This is my first time. You're going to be a faithful listener now, aren't you? So again, as I stated at the top of the show, I would appreciate it so much, you guys, if you would just take a minute or two and write a podcast review. You can do that on Apple podcast or Spotify and tell everybody you know about this podcast. I love meeting listeners, like I just told you, right here in Virginia Beach in my local area, where people will come up to me that I don't even know and say, I love your show, I love your podcast. That just makes me know that I'm hitting the target. And this is why Ido this, you guys.

I do this podcast for you because I want to help you in your marriages. I want to give you some practical tools. I don't want to just show up every week and just talk about nothing. I'm right where you are. I'm building my marriage too. I'm growing my marriage, too. I'm reading the books. I'm going to the conferences. I'm building just like you're building. So let's build together. Let's thrive together. Let's grow together. You can find the show notes of this podcast at realrelationshiptalk.com/episode146, and oh, I can't believe I forgot to say this. A couple of years ago, I think it was in 2021, it may have been 2022, I did an episode called The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It was episode 88. And if you've never heard of what the Four Horsemen are. You have got to listen to that episode. It's actually John Gottman who's, like, relationship guru extraordinaire. He came up with these four horsemen, these four really detrimental, destructive things coming out of a conflict that will destroy any relationship. So make sure that you listen to that one. Again, it's episode 88. And as we like to end every episode by saying a good relationship is not one that works. A good relationship is one where you put in the work. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Join the Christian Marriages & Relationships Group on Facebook 

Episode 88: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Take the "How Connected a Partner Are You? Quiz

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A husband is seeking advice on how to communicate to his wife that her nurturing behavior sometimes feels smothering and he needs space. They have been together since high school and married for three years. In this episode, we discuss compassionate and clear ways to communicate when you need to tell your spouse something that may be hard to hear.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Understanding the Source Smothering Behavior

2. Identifying the Love Languages of Your Spouse

3. Encouraging Personal Space Without Distancing Yourself

4. The Importance of Honest Communication:

5. What to Change and Preventing Resentment

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Download my "Ultimate Couple's Guide" to reignite the spark in your relationship.

Ask your marriage & relationship questions here or on Instagram.

Like the show? Give it a five-star rating and write a helpful review so others better their relationships too!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Marriage counseling is a widely accepted way of receiving marriage help. However, marriage coaching is on the rise, and many couples have experienced lasting and effective results from this process. Today's podcast listener question comes from a guy who thinks his marriage is pretty good yet his wife feels they need marriage counseling. He wants to know the difference between marriage counseling and marriage coaching. Listen as I share six differences between the two and which one might benefit you the most. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take My Online Course: From Conflict to Connection - How to Communicate Without Arguing 

Need Marriage Coaching? Schedule Your Free Discovery Call Today

**If you like the show, please leave a review! This helps other marriages and relationships grow too! **

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Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How would you describe the landscape of your marriage? Most married couples aren’t so intentional about designing the marriage they actually want but rather they respond to the marriage they seem to have. Today, our guests Gary and Tamra Andress vulnerably share their story of rehabilitating their sexually broken marriage. They shed light on the intricate challenges and intentional growth they experienced in their marriage as they weeded out what wasn’t helping them and, instead, planted seeds that have now grown into a loving, safe, and healthy marriage. 

This episode is for those who have struggled with infidelity, sexual addictions, or just need a tune-up in your marriage. 

Find the full show notes at realrelationshiptalk.com/205.

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Learn How to Start Better Conversations When in Conflict - FREE PDF Download

The book that helped led to Tamra’s healing from sexual brokenness:  No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction 

Connect with Tamra and learn about her business coaching

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Most women crave the prayers of their husbands. Most Christian wives strongly desire their husbands to lead spiritually, but at the very least, as a husband, you can pray for your wife. Inspired by my previous episode where the wives were given five prayers to pray for their husbands, I am now highlighting the five essential prayers that husbands can pray for their wives. These prayers delve into the core aspects of a woman’s life—mind, purpose, emotions, body, and even the husband himself. Now, let’s uncover these simple yet powerful prayers that every husband can offer for their wives.

Get the full list and show notes at https://realrelationshiptalk.com/212. 

Resources and Links Mentioned in this Episode

Have you heard about our Thrive Wives Group Coaching?

Episode 210 - 5 Prayers to Pray Over Your Husband

Leave a Review and Subscribe to the Podcast

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Don't you desire to elevate freedom over fear in your family? Do you ever worry if you’re parenting and nurturing your child's faith journey correctly? Today’s Faith Friday’s special guest, Meredith Miller, will explore with us the art of parenting in a way that fosters trust in God over rigid obedience to rules.

We'll discuss the significance of open and honest conversations, the value of sharing personal stories, and how to encourage your child's exploration of faith. So, let's embark on this transformative journey of guiding your child's spiritual growth. 

Nurturing your child's faith is not about strict obedience but about building trust. Trust in God should lead the way; obedience becomes a natural response to that trust. As parents, we play a vital role in fostering this trust-based paradigm. Your faith stories, willingness to explore questions, and authenticity as a Christ follower will shape your child's understanding of God and faith. Creating a freedom over fear faith culture is about showing, not just telling, your child what it means to live a life of faith. By embracing this approach, you can help your child develop a deep and genuine connection with God, fostering a lifelong journey of spiritual growth and exploration. 

Thank you for joining us in this Faith Friday. I hope these insights will empower you to guide your child toward a deeper and more meaningful relationship with God. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get your Speak Life Affirmations by Dana Che 

Ask Away Podcast for Kids by Meredith Miller 

Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn’t Have to Heal From Book 

Meredith Miller on Instagram 

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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe or follow on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! Thank you for sharing these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In today’s Q&A episode, I’m addressing a relatable question from Shannon, a listener who feels that her “decent” marriage could use a change, but she doesn’t want to sound like she’s complaining to her husband. After twelve years of marriage and three kids, Shannon is eager to reignite the spark in her marriage but finds communication challenging when her husband perceives her concerns as complaints.

Here’s the marriage advice I give Shannon broken into three main parts that include identifying the change she wants to see, reflecting on the change she can bring, and a new conversation starter to help her see effective communication for the change she desires in her marriage. 

Resources and Links

• Wives, join my upcoming workshop, where we’ll cover three keys to getting unstuck in marriage. Find more details and register for the Wives Workshop here.
• Download your free guide to enhance communication and find common ground in your relationship.
• Have a relationship question you’d like answered on the show? Submit your questions to danache.com/contact.

Like the show? We'd love if you'd give it a 5-star rating and write a review!

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Being misunderstood can be a frustrating reality of a disconnected relationship. When someone hears something you didn't say or doesn't properly understand what you mean, it can wreak havoc on your communication. Today's listener question comes from a woman whose boyfriend consistently misunderstands what she means, especially when in disagreement. He even thinks that to disagree is to disrespect. 👀 Listen in as I share how she can ask better questions to get to the heart of the matter. And remember, Proverbs 18:13 says, "Those who answer before they listen are foolish and disgraceful." Ouch but true. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take My Online Course: From Conflict to Connection 

Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE and leave a 5-star rating and review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

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