Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay (Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay)

For more information about the resources Mona has available go to: www.neurodiverselove.com

WARNING: During this episode we talk briefly about suicide, suicidal thoughts, & sexual abuse, so please be aware of this and take care of yourself if this discussion may be a trigger for you. During this episode, Rachelle Jones-Grief Recovery Specialist shares information about her own neurodiverse marriage & family, as well as how an evidenced based model for grief recovery can provide the tools and strategies that can help you understand & process grief. Rachelle talks about her own grief recovery process and how her mission is now to help others heal in more healthy ways. The other topics discussed during this episode include:

• How this model gives us grace, compassion and curiousity.
• Understanding what work and change we each have to do.
• Determine what your "truth" is.
• Apply the" Grief Recovery Model" tools everytime you need them.

• Remember that each partner comes into the relationship with "their" issues, whether they understand them or not.
• We may say and do things out of our "emotional reaction".
• Understanding when your truth may be that you're feeling really hurt and unloved and it can be because something that is currently happening reminds you of an issue from the past.
• Remembering that your partner doesn't "make" you feel anything, however then can "leave" you feeling a particular way.
• Understand what your reactions and emotions are connected to and understanding our unmet hopes, needs and expectations.
• Unexpressed hopes and expectations can create grief.
• Long delays in responses from our partner can leave us feeling unloved and uncared for.
• Find, acknowledge and express our "truth" and provide the space and time for our partner to do the same.
• Unintentional pain can be caused when we don't know how to move through and heal grief.
• Grief is cumulatively negative.
• Loss of hope, dreams and expectation are all grief moments.
• Suicide is usually about needing the pain to end and not thinking that it every will.
• Get honest that time isn't going to heal the grief.
• Understanding that we can't replace the loss.
• Grieving by yourself is probably not working.
• Keeping busy does not heal grief.
• Your real strength is sitting in the heartache and acknowledging what is real.
• Time is not going to heal the grief, but taking action can begin the healing process.
• Unresolved emotions can come out as physical health problems.
• Short term energy relieving behaviors (STERB's) work for a little while, but don't work long term.
• STERB's can be socially acceptable, but don't heal the grief.
• It is important to understand what we are doing to cope and feel better, and then try to help ourselves so we don't feel the pain so intensely.
• Have a sip of grace for yourself and your partner.
• Be able to say "I don't know what I'm doing here", however we can find the tools and strategies to move forward.
• Judging yourself or your partner is not going to make things better. However, accepting and understanding that you have different ways of experiencing life and dealing with your emotions and grieving can be life changing.
• We each feel our emotions differently and go through the grieving process differently.

If you would like to contact Rachelle you can check out her website at: www.griefrecoverywithrachelle.com or you can follow her on IG @GRWRachelle

If you would like to work with Rachelle, she has created a scholarship code for my listeners to get a 20% discount on tuirtion for any of her classess. The code is: MonaNDLove. Rachelle offers an 8 week classs for individual training or group training and a 2 1/2-day class for individual or group training.

For more information about the evidenced based Grief Recovery Method you can go to: www.griefrecoverymethodc.com

If you are in the United States and are experiencing suicidal thoughts you can dial 988 for the Suicide Prevention Hotline or go to www.988lifeline.org

This is the last episode with one of the Season 5 guest co-hosts, Greg Fuqua. During this episode, we address a topic from a listener who wanted to explore the way we often look at emotional differences in a neurodiverse relationship as either “logical” or “emotional”. She suggested that maybe it would be helpful to change the way we describe emotional responses and consider using terms like “expressive” or “inexpressive”. To expand this concept further, Mona and Greg discuss how some of us are taught to believe that we are “too much” or “too emotional” and that can lead to hiding our emotions, or becoming less expressive in our relationships. In turn, two unique individuals who come together in an intimate relationship don't always have the tools and foundation to connect with each other emotionally, bridge their differences, and understand each other's way of expressing emotions. Unfortunately, when we get stuck in using stereotypical ways to describe emotions in neurodiverse relationship we don't get to fully understand our partners. Greg talked about how "compassionate inquiry" may help both partners better understand each other's emotions, feelings, and state of being. Dr. Gabor Mate developed the "Compassionate Inquiry" psychotherapy approach, which reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world (for more information on this approach check out: www.compassionateinquiry.com). Greg also shares how he and his wife "attune" and connect with each other by creating rituals of "safe conversation" and he shares how they implement this process.

We also discuss:

• Healthy internalization versus toxic externalization
• The value of creating bridges around differences and getting out of the blame and shame mode.
• Relationship trauma
• The value of using the term "allistic" instead of neurotypical
• We all haves "parts" of us that hold wounds from childhood.
• The importance of "emotional ownership" and not being responsible for your partner's emotions
• Why "double empathy" is so important and the value of understanding each other's "whys".
• We all have different ways of perceiving, responding and processing.
• Why the most powerful and important traits in a relationship may be having a "growth mindset" and an "open mind"

We wrap up the episode with a conversation about how having a child and parenting can dramatically change a neurodiverse relationship and some of the things we have each have learned as parents in a neurodiverse relationship.

Thanks to Greg for being a guest co-host on the podcast and for sharing so much important information with the world. It has been a pleasure to have had so many important conversations together and I hope that the listeners have benefitted from our different perspectives, lived experiences and the lessons we have learned on our respective journey's.

If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at gfuqua70@gmail.com, check out his website at: www.GregFuqua.com or contact him at www.LifeWorksDM.com.  You can also check out his profile on ⁠Psychology Today⁠.

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please email her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. If you would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter go to: www.neurodiverselove.com

Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can get unlimited access to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions

for only $98. ⁠Click here ⁠to buy unlimited access to all the presentations today.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode Mona and Manecia have an in-depth conversation with Heidi who has been married for over 25 years and found out 5 years ago that her husband is on the autism spectrum.  After raising 4 kids together and having ongoing communication challenges, things started to make sense when Heidi learned about ASD.  Learn about how special interests played a big part in the beginning of this neurodiverse marriage and about the ups and downs of parenting, emotional and social differences and the way in which Heidi has dealt with all of these over the years.

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If you are interested in joining our FREE "Neurodiverse Love" peer support group for the neurotypical partner, please send us an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram: @neurodiverse_love.  The group meets the 1st Tuesday of the month at 6:30PM EST and the 3rd Saturday of the month at 11:30AM EST.

If you would like to access more resources on neurodiverse relationships please check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you are interested in telling your "Neurodiverse Love" story or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us an e-mail, or a DM on Instagram.

Please subscribe to the podcast and share it on social media with others you know that are in a "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

Thanks everyone:-)

If you have already bought your ticket, OR you buy your ticket to the Neurodiverse Love Conference before 1/17/23 at Midnight (EST), you will be able to participate in a FREE live Zoom workshop on 2/21/23 at 7pm EST with the original co-hosts of the Neurodiverse Love podcast (Mona, Olga and Manecia). We will answer your questions and provide everyone with an update on where we are in our lives and the lessons we have learned since we started the podcast. We look forward to talking with all of you on 2/21/23💗. Tickets can be purchased at: www.neurodiverselove.com

During this episode with Dr. Nan Wise, who is a neuroscientist, sex therapist, and relationship counselor you will learn how to better understand yourself and your partner and how you can each regulate your nervous systems. In addition, other topics that are addressed include:  Learning how to radically accept where you are as an individual and a couple. Understand the core emotional systems:  seeking system; care system; play system; lust system. Defensive systems: fear system; rage system; panic/grief/sadness. Understanding core differences between you and your partner and different ways of handling emotions. Build bridges between the differences. Most people argue over “matters of opinion”. Get the understandable part of your differences and maintain a nonjudgmental attitude. The negative impact of not learning how to take an effective stance for what you “need and want” in your relationship. Learn how to ask for what you want and need “like a calm broken record”. We need to learn how to regulate ourselves and shift out of flight, fight, or freeze mode. Elongating exhalation-make the exhale longer then the inhale and this will help rebalance our core emotions out of a defense system. Calming our nervous system to co-regulate with our partner. Learn how to tune into the body channel. Everyone feels their embodied emotions. Learn how to pay attention to the core sensations in your body. Understanding cognitively infused emotions. The importance of changing patterns to feel safe in our relationships because we’re not understanding each other. Learn how to move from disconnection to connection by syncing your breath to entrain. Eye contact, listening to a partners voice or speaking in a calm way can help with co-regulation and promote connection. The benefit of heart coherence and giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and not assuming. Learning how to do deep/active listening and “take a session”.  The listener says “What I hear you saying is_____.  Is that correct? Is there more?” We “project” onto each other and may not understand that we are doing that. There are different kinds of marriages and the most challenging times can be when we have children and when the children leave home. How can you create a “sustainable” relationship? Relationships break down because they’re pointing out to us how we need to grow as human beings. Give yourself and your partner the benefit of the doubt, learn how to reset your nervous system, and take 100% responsibility for what “you” are creating in your relationship. You can contact Dr. Nan Wise at www.askdoctornan.com You may also want to buy her awesome book titled: "Why Good Sex Matters-Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier and a More Purpose Filled Life". (Book/workbook by Brent Atkinson that Dr. Nan Wise mentioned in the podcast is "Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships ".) 

During this episode Grace Myhill, MSW shares her extensive experience on ways in which neurodiverse couples can gain better understanding of each others perspectives, learn how to check for understanding to reduce communication challenges and learn how to share and support each others expectations.  In addition, she also discusses important strategies for working together effectively as a couple and how important it is to understand the concept of a "sensory budget".

Grace is the Director of the Peter M. Friedman Neurodiverse Couples Institute and the Partners and Couples Services at AANE.  She also has a private practice where she provides support groups and private coaching for neurodiverse couples, the neurotypical partner and the autistic partner.

You can contact Grace at AANE by e-mail at: grace.myhill@aane.org 

For coaching services or support groups you can also reach out to her through her website at: gracemyhill.com

AANE is a nationally recognized non-profit organization that works with individuals, families, and professionals to help people with Asperger’s and similar autism spectrum and neurodiverse profiles build meaningful, connected lives. AANE provides information, education, community, support, and advocacy, all in an atmosphere of validation and respect. To learn more, visit www.aane.org.

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can click here Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ During this episode of the podcast, Mona has an opportunity to talk with Tristan and Renee who recently learned that they are a mixed neurotype couple. Tristan identifies as having some traits of what used to be identified as Asperger's and Renee identifies as ADHD. Throughout this conversation, both Tristan and Renee share the struggles and growth they have experienced individually, as a couple and as a neurodiverse family with two young children. Other topics addressed include:

• Their different perspectives on their relationship when they first met.
• When one partner is clear about the path for the relationship, but hasn't communicated it to the other person: ie: if you're pursuing someone, it's only for marriage.
• Codependency and trying to solve other people's problems.
• Not understanding when you have poor boundaries.
• Supression of emotions and being hypervigilant.
• When you have neurodivergent traits, but would not be diagnosed based on the current criteria.
• Anger is a sign of fear.
• We all deserve to do the things we love and live a life with peace, freedom and a lasting, healthy relationship.
• Communicate what you need and how your brain and emotions work.
• When your faith helps keep you together.
• Agape love can be a transforming force.
• Do we actually change or just begin to see things differently?
• How are you supporting each other as you each become more of your authentic selves?
• The pain needs to pay off somehow and it might be used to help others who are having similar challenges.
• What does it look like to love the future version of your partner?
• The value of learning and using the Imago Process by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt LaKelly
• Your partner may feel like they have the solution to every problem.
• Choosing to be more assertive.
• When people are emotional they may say things they don't mean!
• In other cultures they accept people being in crisis and believe they can work through it and get to the other side.
• You can crash and burn, but it's not the final destination.
• Sometimes we need our partner to do more then just listen and respond appropriately...we need empathy.
• The interplay between the masculine and feminine.

To contact Tristan and Renee you can go to: www.purposeadvisory.com.au or send an email to: tristan@purposeadvisory.com.au

During this episode you will hear a little about the beautiful love story between Jennifer Cook and Brett Banks.  Jennifer Cook was identified as being on the spectrum in 2011.  She is the author of 9 bestselling books, the on-camera autistic expert in Netflix's Emmy-nominated series, "Love on the Spectrum-US" and has given presentations at the White House, the National Institute of Health and to royal audiences in Europe.  Brett Banks is a Nuclear Licensing Engineer who learned that he was on the spectrum a few years ago, although his ex-wife and daughter had shared this with him many years ago.  Brett now knows that "fairy tales" do come true and is living the life he only saw in movies:-).  Together, they have 7 kids, a lot of love and understanding and sometimes feel like the same person in two bodies.  In their marriage, they both feel safe to be their authentic selves with each other and they are thriving in their "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

During this episode we talk about:

• How Jennifer and Brett met
• Their autism identification journey
• The "family of origin" connections 
• Feeling things "SO DEEPLY"
• Shifting perception
• The importance of curiosity
• Impact of mind-blindness 
• Not understanding social cues
• Understanding and dealing with triggers
• Hope and grace

If you would like to reach out to Jennifer or Brett, feel free to contact them through Jennifer's website at: www.jenniferotooleauthor.com or on Instagram @jennifercook_author 

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Nicole Knowlton is a Marriage and Family Therapist who also has a  law degree.  During this episode. she talks about her work as a therapist and her own personal neurodiversity journey.  During Season 5, Nicole will be joining Mona as one of her "guest co-hosts"  on the podcast, so if you have any topics you would like Mona and Nicole to address in a future, please feel free to send an e-mail to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Other topics addressed are:

• What is "nesting" and how might it be helpful for children of separated or divorced parents? 
• Slow processing and how it can effect communication.
• Masking at the beginning of a relationship.
• Our internal narratives. 
• Core beliefs and stories we tell ourselves about failure and shame.
• Reprocessing life after diagnosis and self healing.
• The importance of remembering that "We are all doing the best we can and we need to have grace with the past".
• Misdiagnosis in adults.
• Boundaries and communication styles.
• Take "people" out of the problem while working to find a solution.
• Pursuer-withdrawer and other attachment styles.  
• Avoidant attachment style may be because parents did not know how to meet an autistic/neurodivergent child's needs.
• The importance of emotional safety in your relationship.
• Trauma can sometimes hide autism.

Nicole does coaching, therapy and assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Twitter @aspietherapist

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Alina and her husband have been married for 24 years and have 5 sons. Throughout their marriage, they have experienced lots of challenges that other couples weren't having.  However, it wasn't until her husband was diagnosed, earlier this year, with Autism Spectrum Disorder, that those challenges began to make sense.  When Alina found the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast she realized she was not alone and her thinking and the way she communicated with her husband began to change.  Alina shares openly and honestly about the journey she is on to understand how to thrive in her marriage.  During the past few months, she has asked her husband for forgiveness for the way she has communicated with him and has learned healthier ways to communicate.  She is beginning to understand the ways in which their brains are wired differently and she and her husband are working together to make their marriage thrive.  Understanding why there had been so many arguments, misunderstandings and misinterpretations, and finding ways to appreciate and value each other again, has begun to transform Alina's marriage.  She feels tremendous hope for the future and is excited to spend the rest of her life with her very kind husband.  Whether you are the autistic partner or the allistic partner, you will find some hope, clarity and understanding in this episode.  When we know better, we can "choose" to do better and Alina is proof of that!

If you would like to find more resources about neurodiverse relationships, check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups you can get more information by sending an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram.

If you would like to be a guest on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast and you are in a neurodiverse relationship and would like to share your story, or if you are a counselor, therapist or coach who works with neurodiverse couples, please send us an email or a DM on Instagram.

Thank you for being a part of the international "Neurodiverse Love" journey:-)

 

During this episode, guest co-host Bronwyn Wilson shares more about her seminal research with neurodiverse couples. In addition, we provide an in-depth look at how alexythymia and having different emotional needs may be impacting your understanding of your partner. So many misunderstandings can occur when one or both partners don't understand what they are feeling, or the emotions they may be experiencing. This can be an ongoing challenge for neurodiverse couples, so during this episode we talk about the ways in which this can lead to "a collision of needs" and how beneficial it can be when both partners gain a better understanding of their needs and determine which emotional needs can be met in the relationship and which can't. This clarity can help reduce judgment, anger and conflict. If you and your partner experience challenges discussing emotional issues, or if you have difficulty communicating or understanding your emotions and feelings, this episode may provide some insight that can help both partners connect with more grace and compassion.

• If you want to contact Bron, or order a copy of her book, check out her website at: www.bronwilson.com. You can also buy her e-book on Amazon. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or click here to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Mona and Nicole Knowlton discuss the importance of self-acceptance and self-love, for both partners and how our negative thoughts can impact our relationships. Understanding how different thoughts feel in our bodies and learning more about what we may need to work on and how we can have more healthy stress responses can be so healing and helpful. We also discuss the benefits of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and how it can help us focus on the positive and not believe everything we think. Remember... "the grass is greener where we water it"!

Other topics addressed include:

• Intention-vs-Intent.
• The positive impact of asking "is this due to a difference?"
• Understanding and improving our stress responses.
• How would you or your partner know you are getting upset?
• Disengaging when activated.
• Are your expectations too high?
• What type of communicator are you?
• The benefit of being more authentic.
• When we accept ourselves, some relationships may change or end.
• The impact of breaking patterns and understanding unresolved wounds
• Accepting that some of our past reactions and coping skills may be related to "unknown" neurodiversity.
• The importance of not "shoulding" or "comparing".

You can contact Nicole Knowlton at: NicoleMKnowlton@gmail.com or on Psychology Today. You can also follow her on Twitter or Instagram @aspietherapist

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Joe is a therapist and Mike is an engineer and in many ways they might be considered opposites.  However, during this episode they share how during their almost 30 years together, they have learned how to navigate their differences and focus on each others strengths.  When they started getting serious in their relationship Joe moved into Mike's house and Joe shares some of the challenges that presented during the first few years of living together. They now have a great arrangement where they each have living space on different floors of their home and they spend time together watching tv and sharing meals.   After watching the movie Adam, where the main character has Asperger's, Joe recognized his husband in almost everything Adam did.  He then approached Mike with this new found information and the rest is history.  Joe and Mike also share how learning that they were a neurodiverse couple literally cut their arguments and disagreements by 50%.  They began to understand each other and see things through the "neurodiverse lens".  As we have often said on previous podcasts "Once you know better, you can choose to do better".  Joe and Mike share how their lived experience shows what it looks like to turn that saying into action. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ For more information on neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in attending our free "Neurodiverse Love" Peer Support Groups send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or a DM on Instagram. If you would like to share your "Neurodiverse Love" journey on the podcast please feel free to reach out. Thanks for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community.   Please share this podcast with others who might benefit from hearing it.

Mona is going solo for the last episode of Season 3 to introduce "The Neurodiverse Love Relationship G.P.S. (Gaining Perspective for Success)"; Most of us use a GPS in our cars to help us get to our desired destinations.  However, even though we may know where we are headed, there may be traffic jams,  constructions zones, or accidents, that prevent us from getting to our destination on time, and by the route we had planned. Oftentimes, the relationship we thought we were in may change "a lot", as we learn more about how neurology impacts our relationship.  As we get to know each other, there are many opportunities for us to better understand ourselves and our partner.   Each of these opportunities is a "route" we can choose to travel. When we understand how each "route" can help us increase understanding, awareness and acceptance of the differences, strengths and challenges in our relationships-it can be a game changer!  However, even though both partners may want to get to the same "destination, (a successful relationship) the "routes" to navigate may look very different for each partner. The 12 "possible" routes in the Neurodiverse Love Relationship GPS can be used to help couples think about which roadblocks (misunderstandings) or slow downs (differences) they may want to address to get to their final destination.  Through the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, Mona will be providing more in-depth information on each of the 12 routes in the GPS.  So if you haven't subscribed to the newsletter please do so at: www.neurodiverselove.com The 12 routes in the Neurodiverse Love GPS are: Understand that each of you can have different perspectives and both be right. Appreciate and value your partner every day. Don't take things personal. Communication means different things to each of you. Understand each other's socializing needs. Sharing and understanding emotions can be challenging for anyone. Get together with your partner on a regular basis to plan, schedule and check-in. Understand and respect any sensory sensitivities you each may have. Make decisions together that will impact both of you. Share and schedule household responsibilities. Understand each other's physical and sexual intimacy needs and desires. Follow through and be consistent. The GPS can help neurodiverse couples answer yes to..."Can you see me? Can you hear me? Does anything I say mean anything to you"-Oprah Winfrey  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode. If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you haven't read "The Autism Relationship Handbook and The Autism Relationship Workbook by Joe Biel and Dr. Faith Harper" you will definitely want to order copies of both after this episode.  Joe is the founder of Microcosm Publishing in Oregon and Faith is a therapist is Texas.  Working together for a number of years, they have partnered on several books and even have the same birthday.  Joe shares his lived experience and expertise as a coach, mentor and business owner in a healthy Neurodiverse Love relationship and Faith shares her lived experience as a parent of a neurodiverse child and her expertise as a therapist and sexologist.  

During this episode, we talk about the importance of presuming "best intent" in your neurodiverse relationship and how critical it is to name and get granular about your boundaries and needs.  We also talk about the 4 levels of communication and how each couple is usually getting stuck in one (or more) levels. Getting clarity about this and shifting perspective can reduce the "communication roundabout" some couples find themselves in.  We also talk about physical intimacy, dealing with sensory differences and how to move from masking, struggling and being misunderstood to striving and thriving with a partner who truly appreciates and values you.

Whether you are the autistic or allistic (non-autistic) partner in the relationship, this is a "don't miss episode.  Joe and Faith provide SO many nuggets of gold that you may want to listen to this episode twice!

WARNING: This episode is labeled "explicit" because at the end of the episode we talk about sexual intimacy and some books that have titles that may be considered explicit to some. 

If you would like to contact Joe Biel you can follow him on Instagram @joebiel or check out his website at joebiel.net or Microcosm Publishing at: www.microcosmpublishing.com

If you would like to contact Faith Harper you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @theintimacydr or check out her website at: www.faithgharper.com 

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Lida Far is a Gottman Sex Therapist who is licensed in 7 states and does coaching throughout the world. During this episode, Lida talks about the pre-marital counseling and coaching she does to help partners thrive in their relationships. Each partner completes the online Gottman Relationship Assessment and then Lida serves as a guide to help each partner increase self-awareness and learn more about how their relationship with the person they love can be healthy and supportive. While some of this episode is focused on the issues couples can address prior to getting married, many of the topics discussed can apply to couples who are dating, living together or even those who have been together for many years. There is lots of important information discussed on many critical topics including: The Gottman Relationship Assessment addresses many areas of an intimate relationship including: communication, intimacy, conflict resolution, friendship and trust. Self awareness and understanding your wants and needs is critical. Understanding communication patterns, social battery and when hobbies may be taking up too much time. We all have unique strengths and value that can be celebrated. Create an emotional safe space that is judgment free. The importance of having "uncomfortable conversations". Track your thoughts and feelings in writing. Learn how to be your authentic self. Dysregulation can lead to feeling dismissed. Understanding our roles and what we "don't" want. Expressing thoughts, feelings and needs. Recognize and validate each other. Realizing your part of the same team. Social battery and sensory differences can impact the wedding and other family events. What is each partner's limits? Plan for intentional breaks. Have "cues" to communicate needs. Understand food preferences. May need to do things in a non-traditional way. Have empathy and flexibility with each other. Understand and respect processing and thinking differences. When we change the narrative regarding what is "actually" going on. Hook-up culture. Boundaries and consent. Physical and sexual intimacy and the impact of sensory sensitivities or differences. Desire discrepancy. Be attuned to what makes you comfortable. If you would like to work with Lida you can call her at 571-315-6471 or check out her website at: www.crystalcounselingandcoaching.com/ _____________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with another AANE Certified Therapist, Stephen Robertson.  Stephen talks about his own neurodiverse journey and some of the lessons he learned after his marriage ended.  He also shares how it took him a lifetime to get his Autism diagnosis and some of the challenges he had with therapy...until a therapist suggested he might be autistic.  His graduate thesis was on "what it is like to be an autistic person in a Master's program" and during that process he learned a lot about himself, and why he and his ex-wife had such different perspectives on marriage.  

When working with neurodiverse couples Stephen takes time to meet with each partner separately.  He has learned that their stories about the challenges in the relationship can be SO different.  Stephen also stresses how important it is for both partners to understand each other's perspectives and he talks about how he uses several of the tools and techniques he learned through AANE to help address this: the Duck/Bunny picture and QAAA.  In addition, Stephen provides lots of valuable information about his own personal journey and his commitment to helping neurodiverse couples thrive.  More specifically he discusses:

• The value of slowing down, listening and validating each other.
• Determining if the patterns in your relationship are serving you and your partner.
• Understanding what your anger is telling you (ie: unmet need?)
• Grieving for the relationship you thought you would have.
• Creating trust and genuine interest in your partner.
• The importance of remaining curious.
• How some of our coping mechanisms are destructive.
• The way things changed when he and his ex-wife moved in together and how much she taught him.
• Don't expect you partner to read your mind.
• How "understanding" has been a gift.
• The "work" will continue throughout our lifetime.

You can contact Stephen at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center in San Jose, CA.

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.
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During this episode, Michelle and Andrew Preston share the story about how they were struggling in their relationship until Michelle read a chapter in a book that made her realize Andrew may be Autistic. She approached him about and it and they were able to go through the diagnosis process together and learned that Andrew is in fact Autistic. Learning this strengthened their bond and improved their communication. It also helped Michelle take things less personally as she began to understand that Andrew's lack of emotion had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with how his mind works.

If you are interested in learning more about Michelle and Andrew's story you can buy a copy of their book: Friendship Love Autism-Communication Struggles and Autism Diagnosis That Gave Us a New Life Together.

You can follow Michelle and Andrew on TikTok@ MichelleandAndrew or email Michelle at: michellepreston@gmail.com

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.
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During this episode with Cheryl Rhodes, MS, LMFT, LPC you will learn more about the benefit of understanding your love languages. You've heard this term before and know that the love languages describe different ways to express and experience love. Do you know how to determine your personal love language and that of your partner? Are there Autistic or neurodivergent love languages? This episode will answer these questions and give practical suggestions for partners to give love in ways that will be best received.

You can contact Cheryl Rhodes at: myrhodesmap@gmail.com

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then click here to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship".

The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed.

The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about some of the strengths, challenges and differences that may be present when one partner is Autistic and the other is ADHD. Greg has this dynamic in his marriage and Mona had this dynamic in her 30 year marriage, so they both share a lot of their personal experiences, as well as those they have seen in other couples with these mixed neurotypes. The topics addressed include: Externalized energy vs internalized energy. One partner may be a "bridge" for the other. Differences and overlaps and shared understanding. Anxious pursuer vs avoidant. Timing is the key to find moments to connect. In-depth knowledge vs chasing a new thing. External calm and patience vs lots of outer energy and a desire for change. Having different processing preferences. Ability to jump around vs going deep with one subject. The need for autonomy and freedom or feeling like you have to repress your needs. Understanding emotional dysregulation and self-soothing. Being hyperverbal vs hypoverbal. How knowing each other's neurotypes can help explain why you both may be having challenges. Tracking each others mood and stress and attuning to each other, rather then judging and creating conflict. Valuing each others different processing styles. Understanding unidentified sensitivities. Being vulnerable vs intellectualizing emotions and growing in emotional vulnerability. Focusing on your strengths and connection as a couple can help you rebuild and transform your relationship. If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at gfuqua70@gmail.com or check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com If you would like to learn more about the support groups or other resources that Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or email her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Our triggers provide opportunities for us to heal and grow or they continue to create situations that we react to, rather then respond to.  Unfortunately, this can create lots of resentment and anger, as well as unintentional pain and hurt.  During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk about the triggers they have had in their neurodiverse relationships and how some of those are connected to unresolved issues in their family of origin. They also talk about how they have reduced their "reactions" to various triggers because they understand themselves better.  Instead of getting triggered and holding on to anger and resentment they are choosing to respond to themselves and their partners with more grace and compassion.  

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Chris Forrest shares how her and her husband have successfully navigated through various challenges in their relationship and marriage as two neurodivergent partners (ADHD and Autism). Chris shares some of the lessons they have learned together and some of the strategies they use that have helped their relationship thrive. The topics discussed include: Structure your life so it works with your brain. The power of curiosity when communicating with your partner. Being more direct. Learning how to understand each others needs. Understanding that you each think differently and being very open can help with keeping calm. Be more solution focused. Taking a pause to see what else can be considered when their are misunderstandings. See your partner as your teammate. Black and white thinking and communication. Importance of clear and concise communication. Discussing how some behaviors may be negatively impacting your relationship and working on the best way to to make changes or modifications. The importance of practicing patience. Understanding how lots of change may impact your partner. Creating structure to meet each other's needs. May also want to structure conversations with an agenda so both partners understand the boundaries regarding the conversation. Scheduling the things that are most important including household chores and time for intimacy. Everything doesn't have to be spontaneous. Discussing expectations and assumptions that may not be helpful or accurate. You can choose connection or conflict. The value of using a joint calendar. Setting multiple alarms as reminders can be very helpful. Sometimes sleeping in separate bedrooms may be helpful. Work on positive connection. How Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) may be impacting you or your partner. Have each other's best intentions at heart. The value and importance of making each other laugh and being playful. Work on understanding each other and practice gratefulness and show appreciation for your partner You can reach Chris at: info@plannerexe.com.

If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I talk with another AANE Certified Therapist, Kory Chase, LCSW.  Kory worked for the school system for 20 years before she started her private practice.  She specializes in conducting autism assessments and working with neurodiverse couples and individuals.  Kory shares a little bit about her family history with neurodiversity and the journey she was on to find a professional she could trust to conduct an autism assessment for her daughter. During this journey, Kory took a deep dive into gaining more understanding about autistic females, so she could better understand how to support and parent her daughter. We also talk about how to communicate about neurodiversity with other family members and the strength based suggestions she has.  In addition, we discuss a lot of other very important topics including: Trusting and believing when someone shares they are autistic and asking "what is the cost of me believing what I am being told"? That autistic individuals are often misdiagnosed many times before getting the correct diagnosis. The importance and value of a diagnosis, or self-identification, and that this is SO much bigger then the DSM! How it may feel after finally getting the correct assessment. The value and importance of psycho-education and defining and understanding what success and connection look like to each partner in a neurodiverse relationship. Understanding how your partner processes hard things and accepting that some things are not intentional. Neurodiverse couples can become "Power Couples" when they recognize how differences can enhance their relationship. Defining & understanding "Emotional Connection" and understanding each others love languages. Importance of knowing & understanding "expectations". Finding overlapping interests. The role of solitude in creating calm. Differences in sex, physical intimacy and relationship dynamics. Rules in the beginning of a relationship and how they change over time. The impact of understanding intimacy through the lens of movies and porn and the impact of changing sensory sensitivities. The best thing we can do is ask questions and find people that understand and get us! You can contact Kory at: www.korychase.com. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________

Reactivity wreaks havoc in Neurodiverse partnerships. It is implicated in the breakdown of connection, communication and skillful conflict and gets in the way of efforts to recover despite both partner's desires and intentions. Jill discusses the role of reactivity and pathways to change your relationship with it.

You can learn more about Jill's work at:

www.jillcorvelli.com or www.ndpartnerscompass.com

We are issuing a "trigger warning" for this episode, as we are talking about food addictions and other addictions that some of our listeners may be dealing with and may be very sensitive about.  

During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk with an anonymous guest who has been dealing with food addiction issues and has recently realized that she was using food to fill voids in her life and her neurodiverse relationship.  Mona and Manecia also share how they have used food as their "drug of choice", as it brings instant gratification and helped increase dopamine, serotonin and endorphins, the "happy hormones".  Understanding why we  become addicted to food and other substances (or activities like sex, porn, shopping, exercise, gambling) can help us all lead a healthier life, however facing those issues that have led us to the addiction can be a challenge.

For those dealing with a food addiction, Mona recommended the book "Bright Line Eating" by Susan Peirce Thompson, Ph.D.

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If you are interested in learning more about Neurodiverse Love Relationships please check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you would like to join one of our free Neurodiverse Love peer support groups you can e-mail us at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or you can DM us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to be a guest on the podcast, please feel free to e-mail us or send us a DM.

Thank you for listening to this episode and we hope you  follow us or subscribe and that you will share this podcast with others who may be interested in this topic.

Thank you for joining us on the Neurodiverse Love journey.

Karen Watson is an AANE certified therapist who provides insight into her professional experience working with neurodiverse couples and her personal experience in a neurodiverse relationship.  During one of her therapy sessions, Karen's therapist suggested that she might be married to an autistic man and through that new lens, the way she viewed her marriage began to change.  Because of her personal experience, Karen knows how important it is for neurodiverse couples to work with a therapist who understands neurodiverse adults and neurodiverse couples.  Many "invisible challenges"  may be present that  couples (and therapists) may not understand.  These invisible challenges that are due to neurological differences can present as sensory difficulties, theory of mind challenges and cognitive differences.   In addition, Karen talks about how the current system creates challenges for obtaining a formal diagnosis for those who want to move in that direction. Karen also addresses many other important issues including: Asking for what you need. The importance of perspective taking. Changing the way we look at our partners...be curious, rather then hurt. The impact of trauma for both partners. Understanding and preparing for "life transitions". Learning about the cycle of shame. The value of taking "time outs" and using "code words". Accommodations that may need to be made in a therapists office, when working with neurodiverse couples. Believing your partner when they say "I don't know" and understanding this is not an excuse. Both partners adapting and understanding when a "relief valve" is needed.  You can contact Karen at: www.creativewisdomcounseling.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Many of us would love to turn our special interests or passion into paid employment, however that isn't always possible.  During this episode, Mona, Heather and Natalie talk about the challenges they experienced in school and employment and how they have worked to create ways to use their gifts and talents through paid employment, volunteering or hobbies.  They also share some of the challenges and experiences their partners/ex-partners have experienced, as well as their children. They address the things they wish employers and our society could do differently to support everyone's strengths and meet their needs, so that more people could be successful and supported in school and in the workplace.

Whether you are unemployed, underemployed, employed at a job you like (but don't love) or have been able to turn your passion or special interest into paid employment, this is a don't miss episode.  Knowing your needs and being able to ask for them in your personal and professional relationships can be the key to success.  However, how do you begin to understand your needs and be able to effectively communicate them to others in a way that you will be heard and understood, rather then ignored, judged or misunderstood? During this episode we talk about all these issues!

Your well-being is SO important!  Learn how to become the CEO of your own "Department of Well-Being" and take small steps to do the things you love and are most passionate about.  Share this information with your partner, friends, family and mentors and hopefully one day, more people in the world will be doing what they love, sharing their gifts and talents with the world and living lives that are filled with the things that bring them peace and joy.

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse relationships, please check out:

• The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love
• The Loving Difference on-line community at: https://www.lovingdifference.net

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

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To get more information about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples or individuals in mixed neurotype relationships check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with author Sarah Hendrickx, she will share how she met her partner 20 years ago and why she didn’t understand why their relationship was so wonderful and difficult at the same time. She also talks about how she began to discover her own neurotype and how she and her partner Keith compliment each other's strengths and understand and accomodate each other's differences. Sarah has been doing “non-clinical autism diagnostic assessments”, workshops and conference presentations for many years and the 2nd edition of her fantastic book "Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum" was released this year and is a “must read”. Other topics discussed include:  The Lost Generation. PCOS and Autistic women. Anxiety and agoraphobia. AuDHD and women. Bridging the silos. Menopause and ND women (autistic menopause.com is doing research on this topic) What attracts neurodivergent partners?  Not being focused on social conventions. How neurodiverse couples are attracted to certain qualities in the beginning of the relationship that may drive them nuts as the relationship moves forward. The differences in her relationship with Keith and how they help each other step up and take care of each other. (Socializing, sensory and emotional/mental health differences). How alexithymia may be impacting your relationship. The importance of self-awareness. Acknowledging that you are no longer in the same relationship that you were in before you knew you were a neurodiverse couple. The importance of shared core values. Always be kind!  Want the best for each other. Understanding what is changeable and what is not. The best you each can do is going to change…sometimes daily. Other books and authors mentioned on the podcast: Other books by Sarah: The Adolescent and Adult Neuro-diversity Handbook; Love, Sex & Long Term Relationships; Aspergers Syndrome and Employment; Asperger's Syndrome-a love story. An Asperger Marriage by Gisela and Christopher Slater Asperger Syndrome and Alcohol: Drinking to Cope by Matthew Tinsley and Sarah Hendrickx Books by: Liane Holliday Willey (Pretending to Be Normal and Asperger Syndrome in the Family), Temple Grandin (The Autistic Brain and Navigating Autism) and Donna Williams (Autism: An Inside-Out Approach and Nobody Nowhere) You can learn more about Sarah or contact her daughter Jess at: https://www.asperger-training.com/sarah-hendrickx In addition, for more information about the assessments available you can go to: https://axia-asd.co.uk/

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________________________________

During this solo episode, Mona shares some information that might be helpful for neurodiverse couples to think about before they begin traveling together:

• sensory overload
• alone time needed
• the importance of routine
• small talk and socializing with strangers
• planning out everything
• being flexible
• trying new adventures
• sitting or flying for long periods of time
• food preferences
• structured mealtimes
• having a sense of humor

During this fantastic episode, Mona has an opportunity to talk to two amazing researchers who are in the UK doing groundbreaking work to better understand autistic adults intimate lives.  Monique Huysamen and Marianthi Kourti share some of the findings from their phenomenal qualitative research study that is focused on learning what autistic adults want and need in their intimate lives.  This study included an analysis of a multitude of government documents on autism, interviews with 20 autistic individuals and on-line focus groups with 50 autistics individuals.  

Learn more about what the autistic adults shared: what they like, what they want to be different and what some of their challenges have been. Many of the adults shared how they didn't know how to do relationships or intimacy because they had no guidance.  Unfortunately, as autistic children become adults they may feel more isolated and begin to lose some of the supports they had through school and government agencies.  Some of the participants talked about both the challenges and joy of sensory differences and understanding both.  Others addressed how they might be more comfortable exploring in different ways in their intimate lives.  In addition, others shared the importance of finding a community where they could feel safe and comfortable.  For some, this might be in the BDSM or Kink community, where the communication patterns were more direct and the boundaries clearly stated.  

In the future, Monique and Marianthi will be creating toolkits for the autistic partners and non-autistic/neurotypical partners to help more autistic adults and their partners live their best intimate lives.

Note: we apologize for the technical challenges we had during this episode.  We were also disconnected from one of the guests at about 1/3 of the way through the episode, but were able to reconnect with them.   

You can contact Monique and Marianthi through the SAAIL website at: https://autlives.wixsite.com/research  or on Twitter @autspace

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Mona and Manecia talk openly and honestly about some of the unintentional hurt and pain that they have both caused in their relationships, as well as what their partners may have done in past or present relationships.  When you don't know you are in neurodiverse relationship, or you know, but don't have the skills and tools needed to navigate the challenges and differences between the two different neurotypes, lots of arguments, disagreements, meltdowns and shutdowns can lead to unintentional hurt, pain and trauma.  None of these create harmony and peace in any relationship, however in a neurodiverse relationship, having the same fight over and over again, without learning any new skills to navigate this path, can create so much unintentional trauma for both partners.  Finding resources and/or a counselor, or coach ,who has expertise in translating both partners  experiences through a neurodiverse lens, can help change "barely surviving" to "thriving".  However it is also important to remember that the journey to "thriving", is often filled with lots of patience, compassion and a desire to understand yourself and your partner!

If you are interested in learning more about "Neurodiverse Love" relationships, check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you would like to join one of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups, please send us an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to be a guest on the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast, please send us an email or a DM on Instagram.

Please subscribe to the podcast or follow us, so that you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes.

Thanks for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" journey.

This is another fantastic episode that neurodiverse couples may want to listen to together!   Stephanie and Dan Holmes have known each other since they were 10 and have been married almost 30 years. After their daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's in the mid-2000’s, Stephanie read about adults on the spectrum and realized that her husband was autistic too (he already suspected he was). Prior to learning about their neurodiversity, Stephanie thought a lot of their miscommunication and struggles occurred because Dan is very intelligent. However, once they learned he was autistic, so many challenging things started to make more sense.  Through the years, Stephanie and Dan have learned that they don't have to stay in gender roles to have a healthy relationship and instead have focused on using their individual strengths and complimentary skills to help their family thrive.  Dan says he is more like a crockpot and Stephanie is more like a microwave and because they understand each other's differences, they are able to give each other grace and kindness as they navigate life together.  During our conversation, Stephanie described a neurodiverse relationship like a game of "Chutes and Ladders", rather then chess or checkers and that made so much sense!  Although there may be lots of unexpected ups and downs, when you both understand they will occur, the end result can be very positive.  Stephanie is a therapist and Dan is a life coach and together they work with neurodiverse couples that can benefit from both of their perspectives.  To add credibility to his work with neurodiverse couples, Dan got an official diagnosis and sees that as tool to help other autistic partners who want to improve their love relationships. Stephanie talked about the importance of trust in a neurodiverse relationship and how trust can be broken when partners don't understand each other.  In her work as a therapist she has learned that the process of rebuilding trust has to involve learning new skills to avoid creating more trauma.  Repetitive positive behavior is critical, otherwise the past is not the past, it is still the present!  Dan talks about how important it is to see the the action behind the desire. He no longer believes people when they use the words “I want to” unless he see’s the action follow the words.  

Dan and Stephanie founded the International Association of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages, LLC to bring hope, help and possible healing to neurodiverse Christian marriages and they use the a three phase process to help 1) Educate, 2) Equip and 3) Provide Effective Strategies to neurodiverse couples who are looking for support and resources on their neurodiverse journey. To learn more about Stephanie and Dan you can check out their website at: christianneurodiversemarriage.com or listen to their podcast: Neurodiverse Christian Couples.

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase. If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com. 

Also, if you liked this episode, please rate it and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don’t miss any future episodes. 

If you would like to learn more about the resources we have available for neurodiverse couples, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Psychotherapist and Professor Alina Kislenko is redesigning therapeutic models for neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples.  She is committed to training other therapists so that ableism and oppressive views of neurodiversity became a thing of the past.  Alina shared how her "PI" model of "Parts Inclusion" can create new words and ways of communicating emotions in neurodiverse relationships.  In addition, her and her neurodivergent husband (who is also a therapist) are both ADHD and autistic and they work together regularly to reassess their strengths and challenges. Alina talks about the importance of having regular "State of the Union" meetings (a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman) with your partner to prevent divisive fights that can create ongoing challenges.  She also talks about how her husband and her talk about "planning their divorce" so that they are aware of what norms and traits they may need to address as individuals and as a couple to ensure that they continue to thrive individually and in their relationship. Alina also offers very important advice on the determining factor to whether a neurodiverse relationship can thrive...specifically, whether "both partners are willing to do the work the other needs within the timeframe the other partner needs it done".  Each partner has an opportunity to determine which of their partners traits are not going away or changing and if they can (and will) accept that trait.   Alina also talks about how many neurodiverse relationships that include two neurodivergent partners may be very similar to LGBTQ+ relationships, because both partners may be more flexible and understanding of the norms that are critical to each partner. This is another "don't miss" episode where we talk about things we have never talked about on this podcast.  Alina offered so many nuggets of gold and we will be having her back on the podcast with her husband in early 2022. If you would like to reach Alina or the other therapists at the Centre, you can check out their website at: www.ADHDInterrupted.com. You can also join Alina's Facebook group at ADHD Interrupted. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out the resources available on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to join one of the Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups you can send us a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or send us an e-mail at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  Please subscribe or follow our podcast and share this episode (or others) with friends or family that might be interested in this issue.

Dr. Jill Corvelli has created "The Corvelli ND Compass", and she talks about how this model guides her work with neurodiverse couples, as well as how she is using the “Compass” to help neurodiverse couples better understand how they both navigate through time and space.  The model focuses on three core components and each is critical to moving from misunderstanding and challenges, to understanding and acceptance.  During this episode, Jill shares how her Compass helps couples increase "education" about each other, so they can come up with a playbook that helps them bridge different styles. How "Niche Construction",  helps both partners better understand the rituals, behaviors and practices that are important in their relationship. Increase understanding of "Developmental Change" and how couples move from "bonding", during the initial phase of their "love relationship” to "differentiation", where they are often activating each other, as they work on making space for their differences. Jill also talks about how challenging it can be when "reactivity" becomes an ongoing issue and then partners are chronically going into "flight, fright or flee" mode.  She provides ways in which to address this and talks about how triggering this can be to both partners. We also talk about the challenge of "pseudo-motivation", when one partner is not fully committed to working on themselves, or the relationship, and how Jill can help address and possibly change this.  Jill also talks about how important it is for her take a leadership role when she begins working with a neurodiverse couple and how she works to ensure that the couple is skilled at using the most valuable techniques and tools because they have educated themselves, engaged in niche construction and understand the developmental changes that have occurred in their relationship.  She also talks about the importance of both partners doing work between sessions, so that small and consistent changes can occur. We also review some of the assessment tools and processes Jill uses to better understand each couple she works with; the importance of understanding each other's values; and getting a better understanding of how each partner contributes to making it difficult for their partner to give them what they want.   We end this outstanding episode with a brief discussion about sexual intimacy and with Jill sharing how important it is for neurodiverse couples, and the therapists and coaches working with them, to have hope that neurodiverse couples can thrive and learn how to have a healthy relationship that can meet the needs of both partners. To contact Jill you can check out her website at: www.jillcorvelli.com.  On her website you can also find more information about her self-study courses, her 12 hour intensives and the groups she offers on 6 different topics. You can also purchase her self-study courses at: www.neuroific.com.  

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If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 

You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com 

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!  

During this episode with guest co-host Dr. Bronwyn Wilson, we talk about what it looks like to find the "Goldilocks Zone"...the "just right" for neurodiverse couples and what might be preventing couples from finding the path towards thriving in their relationship, including:

• The importance of both partners accepting the autism diagnosis, or self identification.
• Denial can lead to relationship breakdown.
• Both partners need to be committed to change and recognize the positives in the relationship.

• What it looks like when one partner is the "social secretary".
• The importance of "accepting" help.
• Creating a more regimented relationship and a new normal.
• Why positive comments are sometimes seen as critical.
• Intent-vs-impact.
• Catastrophizing and anger rumination.
• Looping thoughts and repetitive behaviors.
• Trauma responses can impact your communication styles.
• Bullying and abusive behaviors.
• Deserved justice or "an eye for an eye".
• Depression can impact negativity.
• The "Surviving Zone" includes living separate lives, not dealing with problems, loss of pleasure, depression, and saying yes and doing no.
• Neurodiverse relationships may look different and that is okay!
• A formula to thrive in a neurodiverse relationship: 1) Both partners be willing to accept and learn about the diagnosis or self-identification; 2) Be willing to gain knowledge of neurodiversity and understand each other's differences; 3) Have a constructive mindset; 4) Understand that "typical" counseling will never suffice; 5) Be motivated to learn about, nurture and support each others individual needs.

• During this episode we talk about abusive behavior and if you are in an abusive relationship and need help, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline in your country. In the United States the hotline number is: 800-799-7233

I want to thank Dr. Bronwyn Wilson for sharing her research, lived experience and knowledge on the Neurodiverse Love podcast. Her research has helped many people better understand themselves, their partners and their relationships. I am hopeful that the results of her many years of work will lay the foundation for many more researchers to work with autistic individuals, allistic/neurotypical individuals and neurodiverse couples around the world who are looking for ways to thrive in their relationships. When we know better, we can do better!

As we work together, we can increase understanding of the needs, strengths and challenges that all neurotypes may have and this can lead to more acceptance, compassion and grace for the way we each want to live our best, most authentic lives!

• If you want to contact Bron, or order a copy of her book (Have They Gone Nuts? The Survival Guide to Social Interaction in Neurodiverse (Autistic-Neurotypical) Relationships), or pre-order her second book, please check out her website at: www.bronwilson.com. You can also buy her e-book on Amazon. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by Clicking here⁠.
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode you will hear from two of the four co-founders and coaches in the "Loving Difference" on-line community.  This site was created to help individuals and couples learn how to thrive in life and in their neurodiverse relationships. Natalie Roberts and Heather Parks share some of the lessons they have learned in their neurodiverse relationships and provide insightful information and strategies on how they have managed and worked through the ups and downs in their neurodiverse marriages.  Their honesty, sense of humor and passion for helping others thrive is both inspirational and educational.

You can join the "Loving Difference" on-line community at www.lovingdifference.net and you can reach Natalie and Heather through the site.

In addition, you can following Natalie on Instagram @neurodiverserelationshipcoach or contact her through her website at: www.natalieroberts.com-The Asperger's Relationship Coach.

If you would like to get more information on neurodiverse relationships please check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow us on Instagram@neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups for the neurotypical or autistic partner you can send an email to neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram.

Thanks for listening to the podcast and for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  

Welcome to Season 2 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. In this episode we talk about the challenges that can occur when you and your partner think and process things differently.  We share stories about differences in planning and organization, as well as the ways in which our partners could get stuck trying to multitask or prioritize and take action on their "things to do" list.  Knowing our brains are wired differently can be so helpful in a neurodiverse marriage and finding ways to let each partner take the lead on the things their brain does best can greatly reduce stress.

Follow us on Instagram: @neurodiverse_love

Check out our website: neurodiverselove.com

If you are the neurotypical partner in the relationship and we like to join our free Neurodiverse Love peer support group, please DM us on Instagram or email us at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love tribe:-)

If you missed the First Virtual Neurodiverse Love Conference, no worries...tickets are still available for $98 at: www.neurodiverselove.com.  You will be able to hear the 27 Fantastic pre-recorded conference presentations & check out some of the Q&A chats that were held during the conference. 

All of the conference sessions will be available to watch until May 15, 2023.

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During this episode, Mona and Nicole Knowlton talk about the stigma and fear neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples may experience when sharing their neurodiverse journey.

Some of the topics addressed include: 

• The stigma and fear around diagnosis and self identification; 
• Stereotypes that impact the responses received;
• How social media content is helping; 
• When, or how, to share with friends, family, and coworkers; 
• Looking at the genetic component of  neurodiversity and reviewing your family tree;
• What it means to have a diagnosis and how it may impact you in the future (ie: discrimination and/or accommodations);
• The importance of seeing your partner for who they are and not what you want them to be; 
• Being "neuro-gifted" and "neuro-talented";
• Why it may be challenging to stop masking or camouflaging; 
• Mind-blindness; and 
• Healing old wounds and finding a new way of relating.

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If you would like to contact Nicole for coaching, therapy and/or assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Twitter @aspietherapist

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples,

please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love,  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Mona and her guest co-host Nicole Knowlton share how "unknown" autism and neurodiversity impacted the relationships they had with their neurodivergent father's (and other members of their families). In addition, they address how the issues in their "family of origin" impacted their relationships with their ex-husbands.

The other topics addressed include:

• How reprocessing memories and past hurts makes it easier to have peace.
• Reparenting yourself and forgiving your parents.
• The value of understanding challenges with emotional intimacy through a neurodivergent lens.
• Understanding the addictions that family members may have had to help them cope with "unknown" neurodiversity.
• Learning how to accept and forgive, and focusing on healing, can help lighten our hearts.
• Misunderstanding communication styles during family gatherings and the possible impact of sensory sensitivities, emotional overload or socializing differences.
• How masking by family members can begin to make sense.
• Gaining better understanding of controlling behaviors or emotional abuse.
• Holding on to anger, resentment and judgement can increase ongoing suffering.
• The value of healing and identifying your stress responses.
• Having safe conversations about neurodiversity may create challenges, because of stereotypes and pathologizing.
• The need to create boundaries and share non-negotiables, even when family members don't want to accept or acknowledge neurodiversity.
• The importance of articulating how it makes you feel when a parent/family member communicates in an "unintentionally" hurtful way.
• Why some partners or family members may fawn/people-please or shutdown.
• The importance of better communication, expressing your needs, self-awareness, and being willing to work beyond the discomfort.
• The importance of family members educating themselves about autism and neurodiversity.

Mona and Nicole end this episode with a few of the lessons they have learned on their journey to reprocess family memories and understand how their "family of origin" impacted their marriages.

You can contact Nicole Knowlton at: NicoleMKnowlton@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter or Instagram @aspietherapist

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Alix and Roy share so many of the lessons they have learned together since their friendship began in 2008.  After building a wonderful friendship for 5 years they started dating in 2013 and have been married since 2018.  Alix shares opening about her misdiagnosis and how at 13 she was placed in a facility that led to trauma that continues to impact her today.  Alix also talks about her resiliency and strength and the way in which she and Roy have grown together in their relationship. Both Roy and Alix share some of the strategies they use to support each other during difficult times and how understanding their differences and their individual needs has created a loving partnership.  This is a very powerful episode that may be triggering to some of our listeners who have experienced a misdiagnosis and the trauma that can occur when that happens.  Please take this into consideration when listening to this episode.  If you want to learn more about Alix please check out her YouTube video: Undiagnosed Autism: Alix's Journey.  You can also follow her on Instagram @generousalix or check out her website at: alixgenerous.com

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

On this episode of the podcast, Mona is joined by one of her best friends, Michelle.  They both share some of the experiences they have had with men they met on various dating apps who may have been neurodivergent.  A recent article in Psychology Today titled "The Rise of Lonely, Single Men. Men Need to Address Their Deficits to Meet Healthier Relationship Expectations", by Greg Matos, PsyD, addressed how women are expecting more emotional intelligence from men.  

During this episode, Mona and Michelle discuss how some of the issues addressed in the article may be related to "undiagnosed adult autism".  Meeting lots of men in their 40's, 50's and 60's, who have never been married, or are recently divorced and have been in 1 or more marriages with a lot of social and emotional challenges, made us wonder if dating apps make it easier for men "on the spectrum" to date.  However, does this also create more challenges for non-autistic/neurotypical women?  More specifically, when you both have lots of social and emotional differences, how can you go from misunderstanding and judgment--to curiosity, awareness and acceptance? The conversation takes us down many paths including:

• Learning how to "not take things personally"
• Communication differences including: slow responses, long well-written texts and temporary ghosting
• Black and white thinking 
• Passion about special interests
• Rules and requirements in sexual and physical intimacy
• Sensory sensitivities
• Mind-blindness
• Social quotas
• Broken promises
• Not engaging in personal or emotional discussions
• Why are so many men seeking "no drama"?
• Compassion needed by both people

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Warning: During this episode we talk about masturbation, sex and porn addiction, and betrayal. 

Julianne Cusick is a therapist and betrayal trauma specialist in Colorado and is also an AANE certified therapist.  Julianne shares a little about her personal story through betrayal trauma early in her marriage.  She also talks about how discovering her adopted daughter is autistic led her down another path in her marriage, as she and her husband also learned they were a neurodiverse couple.  

During this episode we talk about how it feels to watch your partner excel in all areas of his life and repeatedly find that there are challenges that only seem to exist in your intimate relationship.  As expectations inside the relationship increase, anxiety can grow as partners try to meet requests made of them.  A unique set of challenges manifests and we address them during this episode.  Julianne also describes the assessment process she goes through to determine if a couple is neurodiverse.  It's not about blame or shame, it's about understanding, compassion and growth.  Traditional couples counseling can be very damaging when there is "unknown neurodiversity' and it is critical to have an experienced therapist or coach who can serve as an interpreter and investigator, and provide a path forward that is healing and hopeful.

Some of the other issues we address in this powerful episode include:

• Co-dependence
• The impact of low self-esteem and self-worth
• How IQ can drop when anxiety is present
• Developing self-resilience
• The importance of understanding each other's difference perspectives (Duck-Bunny picture)
• Holding space for each other
• Using addictions and compulsions to numb trauma
• The Minwalla Method for treating betrayal 

This is a powerful episode that I hope will help many individuals and couples who are experiencing challenges with betrayal trauma or addictions.  Suffering in silence, or alone, and not being able to find the help, support and the healing tools needed-can be devastating.  I hope this episode brings some light, hope and understanding to others. 

Please visit Julianne's website to learn more about her work: www.restoringthesoul.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have an opportunity to talk with Laura Schreiner, another AANE certified therapist.  Laura is also in a neurodiverse relationship and when her and her spouse discovered he was on the spectrum, she began to ask herself "What About Me?"   That question led her to create a support group called "What About Me? (WAM) for neurotypical partners.  The group has been meeting for about two years and Laura shares a little bit about the work she is doing with the group.  

In addition, Laura shares some of the answers she came up with as she began understanding so much more about her own marriage.  She  also talks in-depth about how she helps neurodiverse couples gain a better understanding of whether they are in each other's universe, galaxy or solar system and how they can visit each other's planet and communicate well when they come from different planets. Astronomy is a shared interest between her and her husband and that helped guide her to create this assessment process.

Laura also addresses many other important issues including:

• The Communication Roundabout.
• Conversational intimacy.
• The importance of repair.
• What is "burden"?
• How each partner may be different inside and outside of their love relationship.
• Understanding and being aware of where you are in you relationship.
• The importance of relaxing your nervous system.
• How can both partners get their needs met?
• Stay present in the moment.  Don't focus on the past before you knew you were neurologically different.
• Creating a system to address executive function challenges.

If you live in Illinois, and would like to contact Laura about therapy, or her support group, her website is: www.laurasnc.com and her email is: lucid@laurasnc.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. 

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can ⁠click here ⁠ Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about the different ways mixed neurotype couples can create more positive feelings for each other and how they can find ways to show more affection and appreciation in their relationship. The other topics discussed include: Understanding your partners "owners manual", which includes their history, trauma, what they need for repair after conflict, their neurotype, love language, deficits, strengths, relational trauma and triggers. The importance of reciprocity and mutuality. Remembering that relationships require maintenance. Engaging in small gestures that address each others needs and wants. Preparation and negotiation are important in a mixed neurotype relationship. When your "love tank" is empty it is very easy to have raw and hurtful experiences. Understanding what leads to a culture of appreciation and reciprocity. Healthy internalization rather then toxic externalization. Talk about processes so both partners understand what happened. Being romantic and vulnerable can feel "too much". Alexythymia and love can create "short circuits". Internalizing things can give very little space for interaction with your partner. Being shamed for having intense feelings and how important it is to create safety in your relationship for sharing your feelings and emotions. If you have positive thoughts about your partner...say it! Own what's yours and understand your triggers. Understand and take care of your hurt "parts" and wounds. Take a pause when angry and start with an "I" statement and/or a statement of empathy. If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

During this episode, Judy Singer shares about her family story, her marriage, and her thesis that was the "groundbreaking sociology thesis that prefigured the last great liberation movement to emerge from the 20th century". In her book: "Neurodiversity-The Birth of an Idea" Judy states, “The internet is the prosthetic device that binds isolated socially unskilled autistics into a collective social organism capable of having a public voice.” Some of the other topics dicussed are:

• Judy's work in disability studies.
• Her research at the local library to better understand her mother.
• Her relationship and experiences with her neurodivergent mother and her neurodivergent ex-husband.
• Judy facilitated one of the first support groups for adult children of autistic parents. She called them "daughters of engineers".
• Challenges at job interviews before understanding her neurodivergence.
• Not being able to maintain eye contact at work.
• Different parts that come out in different circumstances.
• Worked in computer programming and hated it!
• She systematizes information about people and that is why she is a sociologist.
• After 8 years on the waiting list for public housing she got a subsidized apartment and then was able to return to college.
• Consider what neurodiversity means to each individual and understand each other’s traits and accommodate each other.

You can contact Judy at: Neurodiversity2.blogspot.com

To learn more about Judy's groundbreaking thesis you can buy her book: NeuroDiversity-The Birth of An Idea.

Sira Busch received her formal autistic diagnosis a year ago and during this podcast episode she and her partner Marcel share their lived experience before and after the diagnosis.  They were both interested in math and that was one of the things that attracted them to each other.  Sira talks about the relationship she has had with herself for the last 28 years and how she fully accepted all the differences she saw, even though others may not have understood them.  Sira shares how she was often observing her feelings and herself through her own beautiful lens.  Sira wants to go on adventures alone and enjoys observing life in her own way.  Marcel and Sira both do power building and love sharing that common interest.  They talk about the way in which they make their meal time together work, the importance of Sira's routines and how they each treasure their own individual rooms and space, but have also created ways in which they can both have quality time together.  Sira addresses the accomodations she needed at work, but didn't get, and how that created some challenges with employment. This is another wonderful episode that you may want to listen to with your partner.  Sira and Marcel have found such a beautiful flow that works for both of them to get their needs met, understand each other's routines and view their neurodiversity as a gift that gives them opportunities to grow as individuals and as a couple. Sira just published a book on norms and stereotypes .  The book is in German, but if you want to check it our here are 2 links to her book: https://www.lektora.de/buecher/weltbilder/ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Weltbilder-Normen-Stereotype-Gleichberechtigung-verhindern/dp/3954612267 You can also follow Sira  on Instagram @omnomnomknusper _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

WARNING: During this episode we talk about anxiety, depression, suicide and substance use. If these issues are difficult to hear about, please take care of yourself if you decide to listen to this episode. This is the last episode with my wonderful guest co-host, Nicole Knowlton. During our discussion. we go in-depth on some very important, and sometimes very emotional topics that we haven't discussed much on the podcast. The topics addressed include: Why neurodivergent individuals may experience depression and anxiety, as people try to correct and change them throughout their lives. Co-occurring issues can include: ADHD, learning and sensory processing differences, and PTSD. Our neurology is not a choice! No shame in taking medication, if you want or need it. Finding out about your neurodiversity through your children's assessments. The importance of an educational system that supports your child's needs and strengths. Losing friends and jobs and not understanding why. Why being alone can sometimes feel safer. "Walking in each other's shoes" exercise. AuDHD feels like OCD at a party! Substance use and abuse to numb and deal with societal pressures. Some habits and addictions may be fueling your system. Some of the strengths neurodivergent partners can have include: strength, stability, security and being financially conservative. How vulnerability can impact relationships. The impact of the expectations we have of our partners inside and outside our relationship. How it effects you when you are carrying a "core wound" of failure. If you are not willing to do the work to forgive, heal the past and accept your partner for who they are, you will probably suffer in your relationship. Books recommended during this episode: Sincerely Your Autistic Child. What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew About Growing Up. Acceptance and Identity. Asperger Syndrome and Alcohol: Drinking to Cope by Matthew Tinsley and Sarah Hendrickx If you would like to contact Nicole for coaching, therapy and/or assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Instagram or Twitter @aspietherapist. I want to thank Nicole for sharing her expertise, lived experiences and the lessons she has learned on her journey. It has been an honor to have her as a guest co-host and I hope that some of you will have an opportunity to work with her in the future. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Dr. Theresa Regan is a neuropsychologist who has extensive experience working with autistic individuals and neurodiverse couples and she has been trained to work with adolescents, adults and aging adults.  During this episode she shares both her personal and professional experiences to help us better understand how to navigate the different seasons of a "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

The topics we address include:

• How does the dating relationship change when couples move in together, get married or have children?
• How relationship roles and structure can change through dating and beyond
• How scripts from tv and film help shape the dating process.
• How does masking affect relationship changes?
• When a romantic partner becomes a special interest and then another special interest becomes more important.
• What is a "just right" state and why can it be such a challenge?
• The importance of diagnosis for "self" and "other" awareness.
• Understanding roles and what it means to be "wired differently".
• Grieving for the relationship that was and accepting what is.
• Emotional and sensory overwhelm and understanding and supporting each other's needs.
• Being a "detective", rather then a "police officer".
• The importance of regular huddles.
• Self awareness and body changes as we age in our neurodiverse relationships.

You can contact Dr. Regan at: adultandgeriatricautism@gmail.com or follow her on Instagram at: regan_autism

For information on scheduling an ASD diagnosis appointment, call OSF Healthcare: 309-655-7378.  Listen to Dr. Regan's podcast: Autism in the Adult  or checkout her website at: www.adultandgeriatricautism.com

You may also want to purchase her books: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd Edition or Understanding Autistic Behaviors

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss an episode.

If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Mona is also offering support groups for Neurodiverse Couples.  If you and your partner are interested in joining a group, please send an e-mail with the heading "Neurodiverse Couples Group" to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.  You will receive information about the cost and the dates for the next group.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

In this solo episode, Mona addresses some important issues that are repeatedly discussed in the support groups she facilitates for neurodiverse couples and neurotypical/non-autistic partners. The topics are: 1) the importance of being vulnerable and real in your intimate relationships and creating emotional safety so this can happen; 2) The impact of feeling stuck in life and in your relationship and remembering what brings you happiness and peace; and 3) What unmet needs or unacknowledged fears may be creating challenges in your life and relationship?

All of these issues may be a challenge to both acknowledge and address, however as difficult as they may be to deal with individually and with your partner, they can also help pave a path forward that will create a life that includes more balance, happiness and peace.

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

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Dr. Bronwyn Wilson provides information on some of the significant discoveries that she made during her research. She reveals how different needs for interaction between two groups of people in neurodiverse relationships creates an unconventional relationship which introduces unique challenges for the people involved. She describes how these different needs and resulting challenges are linked to the development of an ongoing dynamic system of communication that often becomes a specific feature in these relationships. She also give details on the particular strategies that she uncovered for the potential positive outcomes in neurodiverse relationships.

To learn more about Dr. Bron's research or her books you can click here.

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, support groups and other resources Mona has available check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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During this conversation with Damla we explore how autism and narcissist traits can co-exist. The topics we discuss include:

• Love bombing.
• Denial of neurodivergence.
• Very direct communication.
• Routines with housekeeping and meals.
• Spending money on things that made his life easier. Seemed not to care about finances.
• Did not have many friends.
• Not taking responsibility for the impact of his behavior.
• Cultural differences.
• Understanding which behaviors are toxic.
• Adjusted her life to fit into his life and routine.
• Feeling exhausted and started to implement boundaries.
• Relationship began to change after boundaries were being set.
• Everything had to be his way and he stopped being loving and kind.
• Understanding when gaslighting was occurring.
• Not taking responsibility for any of his behavior.
• Not feeling bad or sad when you hurt someone you care about.
• The importance of focusing on people’s behavior and not ignoring when actions are toxic.
• Pay attention when someone doesn’t apologize or take responsibility for their behavior.

If you would like to reach out to Damla you can follow her on IG @discoverneurodiversity

During this solo episode, Mona addresses a topic that may be creating some misunderstanding, disconnection and challenges in your Neurodiverse Love relationship. Some people say that if we don't have expectations, then we can never be disappointed. However, how many of us can really say that we have no expectations in our relationships? Maybe, instead of having no expectations, we can think about whether or not we have clearly and concisely communicated our expectations? What might happen if you and your partner talked about the expectations you have of each other and then listened to each other to truly "understand" what each of you want, need and prefer in the areas where your expectations seem to be repeatedly dismissed or not met? When we have expectations of our partner and have not communicated them with compassion and love, in a clear and concise manner, we may feel like our expectations are too high, but maybe they're not. During this episode, Mona explores the expectations we may have in the following areas: Communication-how often and for how long do you want to talk each day? What does the tone of your communication really mean? Is eye contact really that important? How do you each define a "timely response"? Physical and Sexual Intimacy-how often do you each want to be touched and what types of touch feel good? How important is eye contact when being intimate? What sensory sensitivities or differences need to be explored? Emotional-what do you each expect when you’re upset? How important is alone time to process emotions? What is the best way to move from dysregulation to balance and a regulated nervous system? ————————————————If you want more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for Neurodiverse Couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then⁠ click here⁠ to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship".

The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed.

The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each!

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During this episode, Mona and Greg talk about their lived experiences co-parenting with a partner who has a different neurotype. They share some of the lessons they both learned, things they now understand and would have done differently, as well as the strengths in their co-parenting relationships. In addition, they address many other topics including:

• Having shame around parenting because it can reveal some of our issues around neurodivergence. 
• ND mind needs time to recover and the parenting demands may make it seem like they don’t have space to recover.

• Being great in emergency and crisis situations.  Hyperfocus can be very helpful.
• Needing to engage in activities and having a role during an event.
• When only one parent goes to most school activities, birthday parties and other events that involve other kids.
• Identify your stylistic differences, preferences, strengths and roles as parents.
• Sensory overload and not knowing your sensory profile can create lots of challenges.
• Parents may experience emotional overload or overwhelm because they don't understand each other's neurological differences.
• One parent may be the safe person for the children to go to.
• May feel like you have an angry and unavailable partner.
• Try not to identify your partner by their most vulnerable and difficult moments.
• The importance of recognizing relational trauma and neurodivergence legacy.
• Understanding that our neurodivergent traits may be passed down to our children.

• Take time to talk to your child about how you may not have been able to meet their needs. 
• How alexithymia may impact the parent-child dynamic.
• Not being able to tolerate highly emotional situations like screaming or intense crying.
• Kids may feel like they have to  “walk on eggshells” with a parent.
• Understanding how screaming or shutting down can impact your children.
• Understanding an ND partner may not engage in certain parenting responsibilities because they don’t want to get it wrong.
• One parent may experience shame around what they feel they can’t do as a parent.
• Your passions or special interests may be places where you can bond and connect with your kids.

• Kids attune to each parent and seek “attachment”
• Be a student to your kid and learn from them and understand their needs and personality.
• The way your family thrives may be SO different from other families...and that’s okay.
• Understand that the maintenance of your relationship with your college age or adult child may change.
• The need for mutuality and reciprocity.
• Being clear about what the adult child needs from their parent.
• When you feel something positive about your child tell them.
• Connect with your adult child on a regular basis and consider adding a reminder to your calendar to reach out to them.

If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

Join us for this fantastic episode where we have an opportunity to talk with Dr. Kim Bolling.  Kim is a couples therapist and provides counseling and coaching for neurodiverse couples.  Kim talks with us about how she uses Internal Family Systems (IFS)  and Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) to help individuals and neurodiverse couples learn more about the "parts" that can create challenges in their relationship.  Kim provides the tools and techniques to help you and your partner work through some of the things that may keep you in the "communication roundabout" where you keep having the same arguments or unproductive conversations over and over again.  Learn how to regulate your nervous system. breathe and make "slow" the new "fast"! Unblending from our parts can help create safety and stability in our love relationship and make communication more effective with your partner.  Learn how scaffolding can help you and partner process issues better and understand how important it is to "err on the side of communication" to create a healthier "Neurodiverse Love" relationship.

You can reach out to Dr. Kim Bolling through her website at: www.kimbolling.com 

• Also, please subscribe to the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you are interested in being a guest on the podcast, please e-mail us at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com
• For more information on "Neurodiverse Love" relationships, please check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you would like to join our FREE "Neurodiverse Love" support groups for the neurotypical or autistic partner you can send us an e-mail or a DM on Instagram.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode and for joining us on the "Neurodiverse Love" journey:-)

If you would like to learn about the support groups and other resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with AuDHD'er Scott Simpson, we talk about the impact of unknown neurodivergence and how important understanding yourself and your needs can be to help lead you to a path that includes forgiveness and healing. Other topics addressed include: Past relationships had a similar pattern. Would freeze when emotions came up. Trying to do things right long enough so that things would be okay. Feeling resentment from your partner, but not knowing what to do with it. Not knowing what your partner needs. Being confused and not planning ahead. Working on masking full time, but not knowing what that really meant. Things you say under pressure.  Sucking at hard conversations.  Routines while living together. Wife was a social worker. He had a fling. Seeking porn. Being willing to do whatever it takes, but not knowing what to do. Started therapy to address some issues that came up in his relationship. Didn’t want to marry someone who didn’t believe in him. Try focusing on the positives, rather than the challenges and differences. Expectations that there is only one way to do things and we want our partner to do it our way, Focus on the solvable problems. When you feel that you can’t talk about issues. The big proposal at Times Square in NYC. Time blindness. Waffling on decisions until pushed Wife had treatment resistant depression. Walking on eggshells. Feeling like you can’t meet your partner’s expectations. Thinking feelings, rather than feeling them and alexythymia. Didn’t know if he would be a good dad. During childbirth they found out his wife had cancer. In-laws moved in and it changed everything and he wasn’t prepared for the changes. Wife was planning to divorce him after the baby was born.  She felt he had no empathy and couldn’t be a supportive husband. Feeling like he was set up for failure. Wife screamed at him..."There is something wrong with you!”  …and she resented him. Everything he was doing was seen as an attack or a failure. The contempt has to stop. Wife had gone outside of their marriage to get some of her needs met. Deprived each other of so much love and joy. We can’t change the past. Felt like he lost half his brain when his wife died. Started learning about challenges with executive function and ADHD. ADHD didn’t answer all the questions and then learned about autism. Understanding neurodivergence helped burn off some of the trauma and shame. Son is gifted and might also be Autistic. “Unknown”neurodivergence throughout the family tree. Understanding each other’s neurotype within the family. Accepting your strengths, challenges, and differences and those of your friends and creating a supportive tribe. Thinking that there is only one way to be. Resented people who were their authentic selves. Always learning and growing. An experiential learner, who doesn’t learn from experience! Learning how to ask for what you need. Find the sandbox where you can talk about things safely…it lets so much happen. "Expecting" consistency may create challenges. Attribution of intention that is not correct. Learn how to forgive yourself…and start with your younger self.

During this episode, Mona is joined by Heather Parks and Natalie Roberts from the Loving Difference online community. Heather and Natalie have been on the podcast numerous times and they were both amazing presenters at the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference. On this collaborative episode, the conversation focuses on three myths that may be the source of some of the challenges you and your partner are experiencing in your neurodiverse relationship:

Myth #1) Neurodiversity is the problem that makes all differences more pronounced.

Topics discussed include: The importance of self-awareness and reviewing your own patterns; adaptative strategies to armor up; expectations and beliefs we have about romantic relationships; the impact of stress from "unknown neurodiversity" and "unhealthy" relationship patterns; the importance of understanding the potential impact of childhood wounds and nervous system dysregulation; the importance of the mind/body connection; creating space between the stimulus and our reaction.

Myth #2) Thinking you need to leave or you need your partner on board to change things.

Topics discussed include: knowing your needs, preferences, tolerances and values; the impact of losing touch with yourself; getting clarity of thought and having healthier responses; the impact of other peoples nervous systems on you; reducing your own reactivity; getting in touch with yourself and your own happiness; restoring your choice and autonomy.

Myth #3) If I do self-care and more things on my own, then things will get better.

Topics discussed include: you have to fill the holes in your own bucket, not just focus on self-care; we all need good boundaries; take time to heal; determine what strategies need to change; understand your triggers and find better ways to handle them; get clarity about your needs (even if it's uncomfortable); there may be more separation in your relationship as changes occur; find ways to re-connect with your partner and revitalize your relationship; reduce "negative intimacy"; heal past hurts; find solutions; masking may have meant you don't know yourself or your partner.

Please Remember: Your neurodiverse relationship may look very different from other people's relationships...and that's okay!!!

You can reach Heather and Natalie at www.lovingdifference.net or on their websites at: www.natalieroberts.com and www.heatherparks.co.uk. You can also check out their podcast "Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships" wherever you listen to podcasts.

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please email her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. If you would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter go to: www.neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can get unlimited access to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions

for only $98. ⁠⁠Click here ⁠⁠to buy unlimited access to all the presentations today.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

If you would like to learn more about Mona's support groups, workshops or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workboook you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona has a fantastic conversation with psychologist and author, Jasmine Loo, who is in Melbourne, Australia. Jasmine is the author of the book: "Nurturing Neurodivergence-The Late Identified Adults' Guide to Building Healthy Relationships With Self and Others". The topics discussed include: Vulnerability of neurodivergents in relationships. How difficulties in perspective taking can impact how we think others see the world and lead to relational trauma. How trusting can lead to trauma. Understanding healthy vs unhealthy relationships. Explicit learning may be useful. Needing a role model for healthy relationships. May have cognitive knowledge about many things, but may not be able to apply it. Having the memory, but having a gap applying the information in the future. Temporal myopia. Emotional distance from a painful memory can create a disconnect with emotional urgency and relevance. Toxic relationships may start out good. Gaslighting-makes you question your own sanity. Emotional and psychological abuse. Nuanced elements of relationships. Some cultures glorify certain behaviors that are not healthy. In the media, healthy relationship patterns may be seen as boring. Understanding your strengths and challenges and being able  to ask for help when you need it. It may be hard to believe in your strengths, if you’ve been told how bad you are throughout your life. Traits are not inherently good or bad, however it is important to view them in different contexts. Understanding what can change or can’t between different neurotypes. Sensory overload will impact your response or reaction. Being in self protection mode. Knowledge is power. Self understanding and self acceptance go hand in hand. Learn how to fight in healthy ways. Open communication during sensory or emotional overload may lead to meltdown or shutdown. You can’t clap with one hand, so both partners need to understand each other. Understanding when you or your partners nervous system is dysregulated. Do not be afraid to hit “pause” in a conversation with your partner. Alexithymia-struggling for your brain to register cues from your body. Looking like you are going from 0-100 very quickly and understanding your body’s cues. Having an individual and a relationship sensory toolbox can help you re-regulate yourself and co-regulate with your partner. Understanding when we humanize ourselves it doesn’t have to dehumanize someone else.  What you each need to feel safe in your relationships. “All emotions are okay although not all behaviors are.” Emotions don’t have to dictate behavior. Anger is not our enemy, it is trying to tell us something. The sticky brain and obsessionality-random thoughts or words that may get stuck in our heads. Can make it harder for ND people to move on. Learn to accept and understand the signs and doing “acceptance” work can help move out of “sticky brain” mode. Physical activity can ground you to the present. You can contact Jasmine through her psychology website: www.jasmineloopsychology.com or her author website: www.jasmine-loo.com

During this episode Dr. Claire Bates and Dr. Monique Huysamen share some of what they learned from autistic adults about their needs and desires regarding love, sex and intimate relationships. Some of the topics discussed include: Information about the project participants and the study purpose. Understanding consent. Lack of support regarding information on physical and sexual intimacy. Awareness of sensory needs and sensitivities. Sensory joy. You don't have to share a bed or a house with your intimate partner. The challenges of neuronormative ways of flirting and dating. Indirect and ambiguous ways of connecting. Having frank conversations about needs and desires. Dating services for neurodivergent adults (www.SafeSoulmates.org in the UK) Understanding boundaries. Having a safe space that is autistic led and informed to talk about these issues. Having time to prepare to discuss sex and physical intimacy with mental health and healthcare providers. The impact of alexythymia. May need more time to discuss needs and boundaries. Toolkits available on physical and sexual intimacy. Policy work being done in the UK on these topics. If you would like to learn more about the "Supporting Autistic Adults Intimate Lives" project and the resources that Monique talked about you can go to: www.autlives.com If you would like to contact Claire her e-mail is: claire.bates@choicesupport.org.uk or you can learn more about her work at: www.supportedloving.com.uk _______________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", or you want to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Welcome to Season 7 of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast.

During this episode and many more throughout the season, Greg Fuqua, LMHC is co-hosting the podcast with Mona Kay. This episode is focused on the different needs each partner may have related to socializing and family time. The topics addressed include:
◦ Connection with people when it's within your partners capacity.

◦ Bowing out of planned events and experiencing questioning and disappointment from family members when they don't understand.
◦ Experiencing anxiety when asking for your needs to be met.
◦ When you aren’t “out” to everyone in your family about being neurodivergent.
◦ Having a specific role at family events can be very important to help get connection to self.
◦ The importance of downtime and a transition period.
◦ Understanding what each partner needs during socializing.
◦ Social differences are not deficits.
◦ Plan and prepare beforehand, so you know what is coming and what the expectations are.
◦ Having an exit plan and having support around that is important.
◦ Needing a way for self-soothing, alone time and recovery.
◦ Running late because you may not understand each others needs.
◦ Taking separate cars to an event can be helpful.
◦ Reducing anxiety by planning and preparing together, then debrief after the event to learn what you can each do better in the future.
◦ Including both "open" and "down" time into the socializing event can be helpful. May also want to schedule in time for your partners special interest.
◦ Remember that everyone wants to be seen, known, valued and understood.
◦ Past relational trauma may impact decision making around socializing and date nights.
◦ Family time with kids can also be challenging because the “expectations” may never stop.
◦ Be aware of sensory overload or overstimulation.
◦ Understanding that change of plans may be difficult and lead to anger or irritability.
◦ Develop habits and rituals around communication.
◦ Make sure your autistic partner has time for recovery.
◦ Understand your capacity and how much you can socialize based on the stress you have experienced that day.
If you would like to contact Greg Fuqua, please check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com

Remy Springer is a new mom and another AANE certified therapist who shares how parenting and pregnancy may impact a neurodiverse couple.  More specifically, we discuss how communication challenges can increase and how sleep deprivation and changes to routine can lead to more anxiety.  In addition, we address the importance of understanding what each partner needs to be fully present for their partner and family, and the importance of making time to recharge to reduce overwhelm. 

We also address the following:

• Strategies for helping with the transition from work to home.
• Communicating the expectations when transitioning from work to home.
• Mirroring to make sure both partners are in-sync regarding expectations.
• Understanding sensory sensitivities that neurodivergent women may experience during pregnancy.
• Some health care challenges that neurodiverse couples may experience and the importance of both self and partner advocacy.
• Preparing both partners for the birth process.
• The importance of tone, semantics and the need to be more concise, concrete and precise.
• The need for more resources about co-parenting as a neurodiverse couple.
• The importance of remembering that you and your partner are a "co-parenting team".

You can email Remy at: remy@remyspringer.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Sarah Bergenfield shares a little about the path she and her daughter traveled to discover they are both autistic, and how as a therapist she is helping other neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples as they move forward on their own unique journeys.

Sarah is a Certified Level 3, Internal Family Systems (IFS) Practitioner. She provides information on the value of understanding the “parts” that may have been created as an undiagnosed autistic person. She also shares critically important information about Polyvagal Theory and why it's important to understand what happens when you are in a dysregulated or regulated state, as you are scanning for cues of "safety" or "danger". Sarah also talks about autism being a perceptual disorder and how this impacts the level of input coming in.

Sarah also addresses the importance of understanding your "sensory profile" and how gathering that information can help partners understand which senses are "over" or "under" responsive and how to address each. Sarah also explains how autistic individuals process from the "bottom up' and others process from the "top down". Understanding the way in which you and your partner process the world, can help you both find the "hot spots" in your relationship and work on addressing them with compassion and grace.

Lastly, Sarah talks about how important it is to shift the narratives we have around autism and neurodiversity. She shares a little bit about how she and her husband shifted their narrative around sex. After she began to understand her own sensory profile, then some of the challenges they had experienced began to make more sense. Since there are so many physical aspects of sex (ie: skin, touch, sound, smell, breath, etc.) it can be overwhelming, and when the autistic partner is not engaging in the way their partner may expect, it can feel like rejection to the non-autistic partner. Sarah also provides ideas about how each partner can discuss their sensory needs in a way that increases intimacy.

Sarah ends the episode by discussing the way she has described being autistic... "it's like being a bird flying in a garden and then flying into a window"...more specifically she asks "how can you prepare for a hazard you don't even see?"

If you would like to contact Sarah you can reach her at sarah@thecuriousheart.com or on her website at: www.thecuriousheart.com

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠⁠⁠Clicking here⁠⁠⁠⁠.
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

We learned SO much during this episode with Carole Jean Whittington who is "The Social Autie' on social media.  Carole Jean received an ADHD diagnosis in early adulthood, but wasn't diagnosed as autistic until she was 39. Her "neurodistinct" journey has led her to help so many other late diagnosed autistic adults go from burnout to balance.  Carole Jean's honesty and vulnerability provided us with so many lessons on how to be better romantic partners in a neurodiverse relationship, as well as how to create space for understanding and grace when we really don't understand ourselves or our partners, but want to.  Carole Jean is a gift to the neurodiverse/neurodistinct community and it was such a pleasure learning from her and learning a little bit about the challenges she has experienced and grown and healed from, and the many strengths she has in her current relationship with her partner Josh:-)

For more information on Carole Jean and the amazing work she is doing to help other late diagnosed adults thrive, please check her out on Instagram @socialautie and check out her podcast "Mind Your Autistic Brain".

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If you are interested in learning more about neurodiverse relationships please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join our Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups please send us a DM on Instagram or an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.  Please follow or subscribe to our podcast, and share the podcast with others you know who may need to hear our message.

 

Moshe and Tobi didn't know that Tobi was autistic when they first met and they couldn't make sense of some of the challenges they were experiencing in their marriage.  While still newlyweds, Tobi has been officially diagnosed and they are now expecting their first baby this month. 

During this episode, this loving couple talk about how Tobi's diagnosis has changed everything for the better.  Their communication has improved exponentially, they focus on each other strengths and are always trying to find ways to better understand themselves and each other. In addition, they have learned that Tobi's sensory sensitivities have been very heightened during pregnancy.  Conversations with her OB/GYN about her needs during pregnancy and childbirth have not been well received.  We talked about how this is an area that requires further education and advocacy, so that physicians understand (and believe) the needs of their autistic patients.

Moshe also shares how understanding more about their neurology helped him understand then when Tobi didn't want to process her day it wasn't because she "didn't care", she just didn't have anything to share, so she didn't ask about his day.  On the other hand, Tobi didn't understand that spending hours on the couch in "parallel play" was not enough for Moshe and he needed some type of interaction together (ie: playing a game) to feel that his needs were being met.

Tobi also talks about how emotional and sensory overload can lead to a non-verbal shutdown and now that Moshe understands what is happening and why, he can make sure that Tobi's needs are met until she is able to verbally communicate with him again.

Together, Moshe and Tobi are addressing the best way to make decisions that impact them as a couple, how to divide up the household chores that can create sensory overload for Tobi, and the best way to create a work/life balance as they prepare for their newborn to join their lives.

It is always wonderful to hear how neurodiverse couples are able to increase grace, compassion and understanding to create hope, joy and a life filled with love and patience.  No relationship is ever going to be perfect, but "when we know better, we can both do better":-)

NOTE: The phone app that Tobi uses when she is non-verbal is called "Tell me" and is available for Android users.  The "text to speech" app may also be another option for I-phone users.

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Carrie Mitran has been in a neurodiverse relationship since 2007 and for more then 15 years she has been on a journey to discover the most effective tools and methods to help individuals and neurodiverse couples better understand themselves and each other.  Dr.  Mitran is an AANE Certified Therapist who has developed her own model for working with neurodiverse couples.  The Mitran Model is a culturally responsive approach that moves away from the medical and diagnostic model and instead views neurodiversity as a culture.  Specifically, looking at social-emotional learning and relational culture theory. The Mitran Model includes the following steps: 1) Identify target; 2) Implement a plan; 3) Define what support looks like; 4) Implement your plan with ongoing guidance. Dr. Mitran believes all people can design the life they want when they take time to understand themselves with knowledge, self awareness, and compassion.    During this episode Dr. Mitran addresses the following:  Why understanding neurodiversity is critical to therapy with ND couples.  Building more competencies for helping professionals who are working with ND couples.  The importance of understanding identity development stories.  Core issues ND couples seek therapy for: misunderstood communication; perspective taking; high levels of anxiety that aren't recognized.  Understanding complexities within each individual and within the intimate relationship and the foundation your relationship is built on.  Supporting growth and development of each partner's identity with a new sense of awareness.  Moving from acceptance to affirming!  The importance of exploring and investigating our personal values, biases and stereotypes.  How micro-aggressions can lead to contempt and  resentment and the value of "micro-interventions".  How breakdowns are opportunities to restart.  Reconciliation and affirmation.  The importance of  understanding each others values and social context.  Self-regulation-managing inner emotions and sensory overload.  Moving away from "performance goals" in an intimate relationship.  Having a curiosity based mindset.  The value of "radical openness". You can contact Dr. Mitran at: www.neurodiversetalk.com 

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 If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.  

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love 

 You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you are interested in attending the mixed neurotype support group I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton, the cost is only $25 per session. We meet monthly on the first Wednesday of the month and we offer 2 groups. One meets at 12:30pm EST and the other at 6:30pm EST. You can ⁠click here⁠ to register for the upcoming group. Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! ________________________________________________________ During this episode, Enoch shares the way he describes the experiences he had and the feelings and emotions he experienced in his 21 year neurodiverse marriage. He shares the word pictures he has created to help others understand some of the ways he felt before his marriage ended in divorce. The word pictures described are: 1) The Onion of Loneliness-there are 3 dimensions/layers to this word picture. They include the loneliness with your partner because you have very different needs; the loneliness when friends and family don't believe you or understand what you are experiencing; and the loneliness when you feel hopeless that things can't or won't ever change. 2) Cup-vs-Barrel/Pond-vs-Stream-each partner has differing needs and different thresholds for feeling satiated in regards to the quality and quantity of connection. Each partner also has different ways in which time is navigated. 3) Wedding Day as a Finish Line-vs-Starting Line. One partner may feel that the wedding day was the end goal and the other may feel it was the beginning of a new adventure with lots of opportunities for connection ahead. In addition, one partner may seek stability and routine in the marriage, while the other is looking to grow and have lots of new experiences together. 4) The Egg of Marriage addresses masking and how others may see a very different version of the neurodivergent partner, as they only see the shell of the egg, not what is inside. In addition, each partner may have very different executive function skills and this may impact the appearance of the egg yolk which can't be seen by people outside the relationship. You can contact Enoch at ifgodwhy@gmail.com or check out his blog and resources at: www.ifgodwhy.com/ND In addition, for a less glitchy version of this episode you can visit: https://www.icloud.com/iclouddrive/0cb5GjFCrOJqfd1-7DT-4VPWw#ND_exp_-_word_pictures_1_podcast_with_Mona_Kay_20240105t

During this episode we talk about whether it's important to have a formal ASD diagnosis to understand the best ways to create a successful relationship.  No one can make this decision for you, however Mona and Manecia discuss how they feel about the different ways to understand that you and your partner have different neurotypes.  They also discuss the value of disclosing that you are autistic while dating.  Whether you or your partner have a formal diagnosis, are self diagnosed or you suspect that one or both of you may be on the autism spectrum, this episode will give you things to think about and consider as you move forward on your neurodiverse journey.

If you would like more information about neurodiverse relationships check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you would like to join the Neurodiverse Love peer support groups for the neurotypical or the autistic partner please send us an e-mail at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or send a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to be a guest on the Neurodiverse Love podcast and share your relationship story please send us an email or a DM on Instagram.

Thanks for listening and please follow this podcast and share it with others who may be interested in this topic:-)

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

If you would like register for the 4 week workshop series that Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. and Sarah Swenson, LMHC will be co-facilitating titled " How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together" that begins on July 9th, 2024 at 7:30pm EST click here.

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During this episode, Margot Alexis and Chelle share information about the long-term effects of Cassandra syndrome. Many NT women endure chronic isolation, anxiety and depression. Others have difficulty sleeping, digestive disorders and serious autoimmune diseases. Some exhibit persistent anger, severe resentment and feel helpless to change the situation. Almost all will experience a loss of self. 

In this episode, Margot and Chelle discuss what Cassandra Syndrome is, it’s effects and how you can heal from it. They also share information on the following topics:

• Why NT women have a difficult time getting support from friends and family?
• The first step in recovery.
• What healthy emotional detachment looks like.
• How letting go is different than giving up.
• The support that is available,

To learn more about Margot and Chelle please check out: www.healingcassandra.com

This is the first collaborative podcast between members of the "Neurodiverse Love" team and the "Loving Difference" team.  We will be doing collaborative podcast episodes throughout the year and look forward to sharing our different perspectives and the lived experiences we have had, as we all address both the strengths and differences in our neurodiverse relationships.  During this episode, Mona, Natalie and Heather share soae of the differences they noticed in their love relationships, that others did not experience.  In addition, they go deep on how important emotional boundaries are to reduce anger and resentment and how meeting your own needs and finding the things that bring you joy and peace, can move you towards reducing loneliness and depression.  There is also a lot of great discussion about what really impacted us and our partners in our neurodiverse relationships and how we had to "become the change we wanted to see", to start creating the love relationships we wanted.

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse relationships, please check out: 

• The Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 
• The Neurodiverse Love Instagram page: @neurodiverse_love
• The Loving Difference on-line community at: https://www.lovingdifference.net

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Mona and Greg are co-facilitating a mixed neurotype support group on the 3rd Friday of each month, from 12:30-2pm EST. This is a "drop-in" group for individuals (not couples) and you can attend as often as you want, but space is limited.

Everyone who registers for the April or May support group will receive a free digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Cards and the Neurodiverse Love Card Workbook ($23.97 value) The cost is ONLY $25 per session and if you would like to register for the support group click here.

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During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about repair after conflict and employment challenges. In addition, other topics discussed include:

• Repairing major ruptures.
• Being uncomfortable facing your failures
• RSD-rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
• Book by John and Julie Gottman called “Fight Right.
• Based on the Gottman’s research: 69% of our problems are perpetual and 31% of our problems are solvable.
• Traumas and values may impact repeated conflict.
• Self blindness may contribute to not wanting to go too deep with conflict.
• Understanding cognitive style, triggers, and attachment styles is important.
• How alexythymia can impact conflict and conflict resolution.
• Is your conflict gridlocked?
• 6 questions to consider asking each other after a conflict: 1) What do you believe about this issue that you’re fighting about? Do you have some values, ethics or beliefs that relate to your position on this issue?:  2) Does your position on this conflict relate to your history or childhood in some way?: 3) Why is your position on this issue Important to you?: 4) What are your feelings about this issue? (If one of you has Alexythymia you may need more time and space to think about the response to this question).:  5) What is your ideal dream here?  If you could waive a magic wand and have exactly what you want what would that look like?: 6) Is there some underlying purpose or goal for you and what is it?
• Having a curiosity mindset when working together to repair a rupture is very important.
• Aphantasia-having a hard time creating an imaginative state.
• Ability to compromise and honor your partners needs.
• When working on repair after conflict creating a bridge with your partner is helpful.
• Using reflective statements can also be helpful.
• Value each others perspective even when you’re not aligned.
• Understanding each other’s hardware and software.
• Neurodivergence in family of origin and not knowing this when you were younger.
• Having a growth mindset.
• Turn taking, slowing down and taking time to listen to your partner is critical.
• Challenges working to your potential and staying on a career path that will lead to financial success.
• The importance of boundaries. 
• There may be some challenges in maintaining employment because the neurodivergent partner needs accommodations at work but doesn’t ask for them or understand what they need.
• The autistic partner may have a black and white narrative about themselves and the world.
• Selling your soul in employment may lead to depression.
• Capacity and work schedule need to be discussed.
• Autistics can have very spiky skillsets.
• Where is the culture and job situation that fits you?
• Working hard at the beginning of new employment and not being able to keep up that  pace can lead to burnout.
• Challenges in employment can deeply impact your self worth and identity.
• The possibility of being parentified.
• Take inventory of all you’ve achieved as well as the things you’ve overcome.
• What if our partners are a source for our healing?

You can contact Mona at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or at www.neurodiverselove.com.

You can contact Greg at gfuqua70@gmail.com or at www.gregfuqua.com

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Enoch is back for "Part 2" of our conversation together so that he can share a few more of the word pictures he developed. Each of these were created to provide more depth about what he experienced in his neurodiverse marriage and what he has heard others describe about their relationship. The word pictures discussed are: CPU's single threaded vs multi-threaded-this word picture addresses executive functioning and the effect it can have on "time awareness"; the ability to handle multiple realities at the same time (theory of mind); the importance of a "hypervisor" to conduct the different streams; and process sensory inputs (non-verbal communication). The 5 A's: acknowledge treasures; anticipate needs; accommodate; appreciate; and adore. Monochrome vs Color (emotional fluency differences and the ability to perceive and react in real time and not through a cognitive algorithmic analysis)-when one partner experiences things through contract and the other through nuance and intensity. When partners show and/or talk about their feelings in different ways (verbal and/or non-verbal). The Funny Car-is usually found on a drag race strip and excels at what it does. When the car is purchased and it is taken off the track it has trouble managing traffic, braking, and turning sharp corners. Enoch ends the episode with some important questions for the non-autistic/NT partner to consider: 1) Where on the "spectrum" does the NT find themselves between a partner and a caregiver? 2) What are reasonable expectations that an NT may have? 3) Are there enough positives to sustain a relationship that may be lacking in some types of reciprocity and partnership? To learn more about Enoch and the resources he has collected on neurodiverse relationships and neurodiversity, you can check out his website at: www.Ifgodwhy/ND or email him at: ifgodwhy@gmail.com

During this episode with Kerry McLeish, you will learn about the 5 types of exhaustion and rest that may be impacting your neurodiverse relationship. You will also understand how to move from exhaustion to a more rested life and learn some ways to create a more healthy rhythm between rest and work.

In addition, you will learn that you can be drained, full or have different capacity depending on what is happening in your life and your relationship. Lastly, stress and exhaustion often go together, so creating a "rest toolbox" that you can turn to whenever you need it is SO important.

The 5 types of exhaustion and rest that are discussed with Kerry are:

• physical
• mental
• emotional
• social
• spiritual

You can reach Kerry at www.restforlife.org or through www.lovingdifference.net

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠⁠Clicking here⁠⁠⁠.
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

To help you and your partner better understand each other, you can buy the digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards for $11 or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook for $12.97

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During this solo episode, Mona shares how she has rebuilt her self-worth and self esteem and healed emotionally, mentally and physically since her divorce 6 years ago. Other topics addressed include:

• Looking back I am able to get a clear understanding of what brought me the peace and joy I have today.
• Whether you stay in your current relationship or go please know that we all deserve joy and peace!!!
• You can’t change the past, but you can understand it to change the narrative or story you tell yourself and this helps improve life in the present and the future.  
• We all are doing the best we can in the moment and when we know better we CAN do better!!! (Maya Angelou)
• Understand what is changeable, focus on your side of the street, take action towards thriving!!!
• Feel it, visualize it and see yourself taking the action steps to move forward on making the changes you want to create to have the life you want!
• Emotional death by a thousand papercuts occurs because you don’t understand your own or each other’s neurotypes, childhood wounds or vulnerabilities. You wish your partner could change and do things more like you do and you are both unintentionally hurting and triggering each other…your nervous systems are continuously dysregulated and you may find yourself in a state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn often.
• Mourning, grief and disbelief that our marriage was ending after 30 years, yet we still loved each other!!!
• Resentment, anger and regret.
• Anxiety, depression, despair.
• Feeling all the feels and having a support system that could hold me close and love me through some of the most emotional and lowest points in my life.
• Working on my mental health, finding a good therapist, listening to podcasts and reading books, walking, spending time outside in the sun and at the beach.
• Reconnecting with the things I loved when I was younger, that I was no longer including in my life.
• Getting clear about my own needs, wants, desires, and non-negotiables.
• Practicing self-care and saying no to things that no longer mattered to me and saying "fuck yes" to the things that I was most passionate about or that brought me peace.
• Rebuilding my self esteem and self-worth, and then putting myself out there again to start dating.
• Eating healthy and exercising.
• Getting clear about my dreams and taking steps to move forward on making them a reality… asking myself “will I regret this if I don’t do it?”
• Having and communicating healthy boundaries in every relationship in my life which included work, friends, family and dating.
• Tapping into my life purpose and moving forward to making that a reality.
• Being kind and patient with myself, and fully accepting what I needed to heal and grow.
• Forgiveness, healing somatically and spiritually and finally, knowing that other peoples opinions of me is none of my business, and is oftentimes a reflection of their own unhealed trauma or pain. 
• You can’t do the work for two people!!! 
• Own your truth! 
• Let old patterns die!!! 
• Celebrating freedom from unintentional hurt and pain…healing, growth and living an aligned life. 
• Saying goodbye to the old version of me and embracing my authentic self.
• Radical acceptance and responsibility for living my truth! 
• Understanding my own neurotype, my wants, needs, desires, values and preferences. 
• Knowing that I deserve to live my best, most authentic life!!!!

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• To keep up-to-date on all the resources available through Neurodiverse Love you can subscribe to Mona's newsletter at: https://www.neurodiverselove.com/newsletter-signup
• Follow Mona on Instagram: @neurodiverse_love
  Check out her website:  www.neurodiverselove.com
• If you want to contact Mona you can email her at: Neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

The first season of the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast includes 30 episodes of our lived experiences and lessons learned in "Neurodiverse Love" relationships.  In addition, we published five episodes with various guests, who share their very interesting neurodiverse stories.  We had to change the account we are using to record Season 2 of the podcast, so if you want to continue with us on this "Neurodiverse Love" journey please subscribe to both Season 1 and Season 2.

Thanks everyone!

Follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

Check out our website @ neurodiverselove.com

E-mail us@ neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  for more information about our "Peer Support Groups for the Neurotypical Partner"

If you would like to learn more about the resources Mona Kay has available, please check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com ________________________________________________ During this episode with Caron Starobin, LCSW, you will learn more about how Relational Life Therapy (RLT) can help neurodiverse couples understand how their challenges and lived experiences can be used to help them learn, grow and heal. In addition, you will hear about the fantastic workshop that Caron helped organize for the Relational Life Therapy Foundation called “No Ordinary Life”.  You can purchase access to the workshop at the link below: Neurodiversity No Ordinary Love - Relational Life Foundation The RLT Relationship Grid is a visual representation of self esteem and boundaries and includes information about where each person ends up on the grid when they are having their worst day. Click on the link below for a picture of the grid. During this episode, Caron explains the grid and this visual will be helpful as you listen to the episode. https://www.facebook.com/TerryRealRLI/photos/the-relationship-grid-relational-life-institute-coming-to-centerlike-many-people/1335146869845845/ Other topics discussed include: Shame is thinking that you are worthless. Desperation is being willing to do anything to make someone believe you, or hear you. Grandiosity is when you think others are not as smart and worthy as you are. Resignation and withdrawal focus on feeling like you are the one who is not tuning into your partner and that you may be broken. Controlling may include asking your partner ”What is wrong with you? I’m always taking care of everything”. Work on boundaries becoming less rigid or porous. Both partners need to look at how they can communicate and function in a more healthy way. Determine how you can each change your patterns and become more resilient. In RLT the client is "the patterns" that get each couple stuck. There are 8 lenses that are used to assess each client/couple: 1) Presenting problem  2) Preconditions 3) The blatant latent 4) The losing strategies (there are 5 of these) 5) The stance, stance, stance 6) The Relationship Grid 7) Family of origin 8) Socio-cultural  Understanding that the grieving process may be different for each partner and it’s important to acknowledge their markers of resilience. It is important to accept limitations in each other and grieve what each partner had expected and accept the reality of "what is" moving forward. Let go without resentment. If the resentment continues then you haven’t done the grief work. Focus on doing "relational mindfulness" and be more yielding and generous. Relational reckoning. For more information on Relational Life Therapy, Caron recommends the books “The New Rules of Marriage” and “Us” by Terry Real. If you would like to learn more about Caron's therapy practice and the groups she offers, please check out her website at: www.starobincounseling.com

Beginning on 11/1/23, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton will be co-facilitating a new support group for individuals of ALL neurotypes. The group will meet on Zoom the first Wednesday of each month from 6:30-8PM EST and the cost is ONLY $25. Click here to register.

• If you find yourself confused about making decisions because you don't know if you'll ever get your needs met in your current relationship.
• If you and your partner are moving in different directions because you don't understand each other's perspectives.
• If you are wondering what destination you will get to in your relationship, if you can't communication more effectively and repair after conflict...then this support group is for you!

PLEASE NOTE: This group is for individuals only, however, if both you and your partner are looking for this type of support group, then you can attend on different months. Also, please know that you can join us once, or attend as often as you want, there are no participation requirements. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

During this episode, Jodi and Mona talk about how important motivation and willingness are to learn, grow and understand about yourself and your partner. They also address the challenges that can occur when there is a lack of respect for each partner's differences. In addition, they talk about some of the breaking points in their own long-term marriages and what they might have done differently if they had known more about the neurological differences in their relationships. Other topics discussed include:

• Updating the narrative you have of your partner instead of having contempt for them.
• What it means when couples are in the "boxing ring"?
• Confirmation bias.
• Not being able to be vulnerable and let your guard down.
• Losing trust and respect.
• Understanding your own wounds and trauma and healing both.
• Knowing what makes a healthy relationship work.
• When both partners are co-dependent.
• Understanding your expectations and needs.
• Asking: Who am I? Who are you? Are we aligned?
• When layers of pain and hurt become contempt.
• If nothing changes how will you feel?
• The importance of understanding the impact of our family of origin and our own neurology
• The need for "Double Empathy" and understanding each other's perspective.

If you would like to learn more about the in-depth relationship assessment that Jodi conducts with BOTH partners, you can contact her at Jodi@jodicarlton.com. In addition, if you would like to work with Jodi, connect with her on social media, or learn more about all the services she offers you can check out her website at www.jodicarlton.com

If you would like to listen to Jodi's first guest episode on the Neurodiverse Love podcast you can click here.

If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact the Domestic Violence Helpline in your country. If you live in the United States you can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode, Dr. Katie Fields, LMHC, LMFT shares how the work she does through "CounSouling" weaves together her background in both mental health counseling and spiritual practices to help you better understand your ego and your soul, so that you become your most authentic Self.  Other topics addressed include: The therapeutic model called Internal Family Systems (IFS) uses the premise that we all are multi-dimensional personalities.   We have protective parts, parts that are managers and some that take on our burdens and vulnerabilities and then we have our most authentic “Self”. Traditional mental health therapy usually focuses on ego. Ego is our “persona suit” that helps us be in control of ourselves. Being ego focused may actually be when neurodivergent folks “mask or camouflage”. Ego can create masking behaviors to protect us. Being comfortable with our authentic voice can help us get more in touch with our Soul/Self. You may realize how hard you’ve been working to survive your day to day interactions. Grieving the old you as you transition to become more of your authentic self. Total wellness is possible! Letting go of what no longer serves you…including some relationships. Shifting your energy may involve setting boundaries and respectfully sharing your needs.  This can be healing for you and scary for others who may not be ready to, or want to, heal. You’re the only person who is going to be with you for the entirety of your life…make yourself a priority! The Enneagram is a 9 type personality tool that helps you see yourself.  First reflection will show you your ego, however it is a spiritual tool that helps you get back to your true Self. We want to feel safe and protected.  The ego is very adaptive and wants to protect us. There are ways to get in touch with what brings us joy! Taking radical responsibility for the life you want. Helping you get back on track. Numerology can be a tool that can help us understand more of our “user manual”.  Energetic patterns can help you learn lessons. In numerology you will get four different numbers from your name that can help you understand more about yourself.    Your integrated self is all the numbers in the layers in your name. When you are becoming integrated this is when your ego and soul are besties. Soul number is just the vowels in your name. Personality number is the consonants in your name and is your ego and how you show up. Your birth date is your “Life path”…the main lessons you are here to learn.  To learn more about Katie’s work or to get a free sample reading you can check out her website at: http://www.fearlesscounsouling.com

Happy New Year to all our listeners!  This episode provides a lot of food for thought and great information that can help you make improvements in yourself and in turn, in your neurodiverse relationship

During this episode, we talk about how  important it is for us to communicate and maintain our boundaries for our mental, emotional and spiritual health.  We also discuss how understanding and implementing the "Four Agreements", by Don Miguel Ruiz can help improve life in a neurodiverse relationship.  

The Four Agreements are:

1) Be Impeccable With Your Word

2) Don't Take Anything  Personally

3) Don't Make Assumptions

4) Do Your Best

We also talk briefly about the Fifth Agreement, which is: Be Skeptical, but Learn to Listen

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If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

You may also want to follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you are interested in joining one of our "Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups", please DM us on Instagram or send us an e-mail at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community.  Please subscribe to the podcast.  If you liked this episode, please leave us a rating and write a review. Thanks!

Mona and Manecia had such a wonderful time talking to Michelle and Andrew learning about their "Neurodiverse Love" journey.  After they met on a dating app, they were friends for a year before they started dating.  Michelle shared that she almost broke up with Andrew twice and she shares why.  Fortunately, while reading a book chapter about "Autistic Echos" Michelle recognized many of the things she didn't understand about Andrew and approached him with compassion and kindness to discuss what she had read.  

During this episode Michelle and Andrew share some of the strategies they have been using to learn and grow together as a neurodiverse couple. Life isn't always a bed of roses, however they share with such honesty how they work together to find new ways to understand each other and ways in which they can support each others strengths and value their individual differences. 

If you want to learn more about Michelle and Andrew's  neurodiverse journey you can follow them on TIkTok  @michelleandandrew

In addition, you can also check out their website at: www.bellamimalifestyles.com

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If you would like to join any of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups, please email us at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com, or send us a DM on Instagram.

If you are interested in getting additional resources about neurodiverse relationships you can check out our website at: neurodiverslove.com

You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

Please subscribe to the "Neurodiverse Love" podcast wherever you listened to this episode and share this episode with others that might find it helpful.

Thank you for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community!

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To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.
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Do you feel like your struggling to navigate parenting children while also being a neurodiverse couple? Kate and Clark Webb certainly do! This episode will highlight common daily parenting struggles from both the neurodivergent and neurotypical sides. Clark and Kate explore different scenarios, how each responds, and reflect on what they could have done differently. No parent is perfect, so let's embrace surviving one day at a time together!

You can contact Kate and Clark at: neurodiversecouple@gmail.com or on IG @neurodiversecouple

During this episode we talk about how challenging it can be when socializing, friendships and travel have different value to us and impact us differently in our neurodiverse relationships.  As neurotypicals, socializing is very important in our love relationships, however our neurodivergent partners didn't place the same importance on socializing and social events as we did.  Understanding how both partners can see things through a neurodiverse lens can help reduce anxiety, frustration, anger and disappointment.  We also talk about some of the lessons we have learned about these topics as we move forward on our Neurodiverse Love journey.

Please share this episode with others who may be interested and subscribe so you can be notified when new episodes are released.

Follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love and check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you are the neurotypical partner in the relationship and would like to join one of our twice monthly Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please send a DM on Instagram or e-mail us at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening and for joining us on the Neurodiverse Love journey.

  

During this episode, Jes Diverges shares a little about her AuDHD journey, the lessons she has learned along the way (and in her current relationship), as well as the work she is doing to help other neurodivergent folks. (Please excuse the technical difficulties we had for the first few minutes of the episode...thanks!) Some of the topics Jes addresses include: Knowing where your partner is, accepting who they are, making space for them and not trying to fix them. The importance of understanding that you're not responsible for anyone's emotions but your own. Looking at differences as important for the relationship. The importance of two people working to cultivate the relationship. Co-dependency and enabling leads to encouraging dependency. Interdependency and how both partners have autonomy and connection and this helps encourage mutual growth and well-being. When a supportive partnership looks like "co-dependency" to the outside world. The value of active listening and appreciation of effort. Don't compromise your core values. "Shoulds" aren't healthy. Determine what you are willing to accept. Lowering expectations in a positive way can help reduce anxiety. The importance of the "flow state" for autistics and how it helps with regulation. How "monotropism" helps explains a lot of autism. Hyperconnectivity and less neural pruning in neurodivergent brains. The importance of making transitions smoother. Sticky hand thinking. Jes is a coach and is creating the "Combo Meal Confidence Course" to help other neurodivergent people live their best, most authentic lives. You can reach Jes at: jes@jesdiverges.com. You can also follow her on Instagram and TikTok @jesdiverges, or check out her website at: jesdiverges.com _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can now get "unlimited" access to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98, just ⁠click here⁠ Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Eva is a psychotherapist, an ASD specialist and the author of several books, including "Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder).-Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors.  During this episode Eva shares so much valuable information for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship.  Our conversation addresses ways to avoid meltdowns and shutdowns; how to address or change expectations; getting your needs met and doing things together that work well for both partners.  We also talk about physical and sexual intimacy, ways in which to get accountability, the value of medication for some and the impact of trauma in the intimate relationship. Eva also addresses the importance of understanding and addressing the root cause of emotional challenges, giving each other time to work through your emotions and how to address sensory sensitivities that can impact physical intimacy.  This episode provides so much valuable information for both partners in a neurodiverse relationship. Eva is also the author of: Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism-Voices from Across the Spectrum and she has a new book being published soon. You can learn more about Eva through her website at: www.eva-mendes.com or contact her at: eva@eva-mendes.com ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast. For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Harry Motro spent the earlier part of his career in technology and then chose a second career in counseling.  HIs passion to take the best tools and strategies and combine them to help neurodiverse couples move from "barely surviving" to "thriving" is so enlightening and inspirational.  During this episode, you will learn the value of the "red, yellow and green cards" to proactively and compassionately deal with issues that previously might have become arguments, meltdowns, or shutdowns.  You will also learn how to create a "love list" with your partner that can help you both learn how to value and appreciate each other.  In addition, you will gain a better understanding of the importance of reflective listening and how the W.I.N. tool can reduce misunderstanding and increase validation in honest conversations. 

This is another "don't miss" episode that you will want to listen to more then once, so that you and your partner can begin practicing these strategies today.

If you would like to contact Dr. Harry Motro to learn more about the counseling and coaching services he and his colleagues offer for neurodiverse couples, please check out his website at: neurodiversecouplescounseling.com

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For more resources on Neurodiverse Love relationships check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to attend one of our free Neurodiverse Love Peer Support Groups please send us a DM on Instagram or an email to  neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

If you would like to be a guest on the Neurodiverse Love podcast. please feel free to send us a DM on Instagram or an email.

If you enjoyed this episode please subscribe to the podcast and share this link with others who may be interested in learning more about Neurodiverse Love relationships.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community.

During this episode with Giji Dennard, we address a topic that many of us may not have thought about. Giji shares how we may not have known that our father (or primary caregiver) was neurodivergent and when we look back at our childhood through a neurological lens, we gain more understanding, and can begin to heal wounds that may have impacted our most important relationships. We also address the following topics; Residual daddy issues. We choose our partners by familiarity or void. Understanding why your father may have had difficulty coping with crowds, or had challenges with social interaction and/or family events. Looking at the ways your father showed affection, shared emotions or facial expressions through a different lens. When you grow up thinking your father is being apathetic, is not interested in you, or is showing disdain...but this isn't true. What imprints may have been made on your life? We absorb what our environment displays. The impact on our relationships of how our fathers related to our mothers. The journey to heal begins with awareness of triggers. The value of changing our perspective on our interpretations and internalization of various misunderstood issues. Are you carrying pain, hurt and trauma that needs to be healed? We may pick partners to help us heal our father wounds, but sometimes that may make things worse. The 3 steps to healing father wounds: 1) Recognize; 2) Repent and Release; 3) Know That You Can Be Loved and Valued. The goal is to get back to "Wholeness". Your past doesn't have to define who you are. To contact Giji check out her website at: https://www.wellfedresources.com/meet-giji ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", or the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Jodi Carlton, M.Ed. is an internationally recognized autism relationship and neurodiversity expert and coach.  During this episode she shared her own lived experience and how she is helping neurodiverse couples around the world find better ways to understand each others strengths and differences.  She shares how important it is to value and respect each other's perspective and has created the "Crack the Communication Code" course to help neurodiverse couples work through the communication challenges that may keep recurring.  You may also want to check out her website to link to the free resource to get your Neurodiversity/Autism Score.

Whether you are the autistic partner or the neurotypical partner in your neurodiverse relationship, there is SO much valuable information in this episode that you don't want to miss!

You can contact Jodi Carlton through in the following ways:

Website: spectrumrelationships.org

Instagram: @neurodiversecouplescoach

Facebook: Autism Relationships-Jodi Carlton, M.Ed. (private FB group)

YouTube-Neurodiverse Couples Coach

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For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free Neurodiverse Love peer support groups for the neurotypical partner, please DM us on IG or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your "Neurodiverse Love" story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

If you like the podcast, please follow us or subscribe and rate the podcast.  

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

 Tickets for the Neurodiverse Love Virtual Conference are available!!!

The conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 from 11am-7pm EST. 

 If you'd like to access the link for a 50% discount on the ticket price, or learn more about the presenters, please visit www.neurodiverselove.com.

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Amanda Platner is the Director of Adult Programs at the Emory Autism Center.  She is also a clinical psychologist and another AANE certified therapist.  During this episode, we  talk about the journey autistic individuals may travel as they move forward on being their "authentic selves".  We address the conversations that might have never happened, and those that may take place in relationships with professional colleagues, family members and in intimate or romantic relationships.  Amanda shares that many of the individuals she works with have moments of revelation and excitement as they receive their autism diagnosis, or begin to self-identify as autistic.  However, what follows next may include changes that not everyone is prepared for, or knows how to address.  One of the important questions to ask may be "who are the people in my life who are going to be impacted when I am my authentic self?"  As many autistic individuals may not be aware that they have been masking throughout their life, communicating their wants, needs, non-negotiables and boundaries, with compassion and respect may help things move smoother on the journey forward.

Amanda also talks about how the neurotypical partner may feel left behind when their autistic partner moves forward on living authentically.  She addresses some of the ways in which both partners can work together to maintain and/or create a healthy relationship, both individually and as a couple.  Creating and/or maintaining important rituals may be a helpful process. While also understanding that both partners may experience some grief and mourning for the relationship they thought they would have with themselves and their partner. As the relationship moves forward, it is important to remember that some of the core challenges may involve communication difficulties and understanding emotions.  

Lastly, we talk about the importance of creating balance in life and in romantic relationships.  More specifically we address the value of creating and agreeing on boundaries that can help create balance regarding intense interests.  

Whether you are the autistic partner or the neurotypical/non-autistic partner in your relationship, understanding what each of you need to thrive in life and in your romantic relationship will help both partners live an authentic life.  Sometimes that life includes maintaining your current relationship and sometimes a change is needed.  No matter what path each of us choose, we all deserve to be in relationships where we can thrive.

You can contact Amanda at: amanda.k.platner@emory.edu or call: 404-727-8350  

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach, or you would like to register for the "Neurology Matters" training available through AANE for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page.

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If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.   

During this episode with therapist and coach, Lisa Anzaldua, we talk about ways in which the neurotypical/non-autistic partner can heal and thrive after experiencing "unknown neurodiversity" and Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome aka: Cassandra Syndrome. We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. The topics discussed include the following: Establishing emotional safety within a group, or some other container to establish a sense of belonging and be validated. The importance of knowing you're not alone. The process for healing anger, resentment and confusion. Empowerment and "Post Traumatic Growth". Understanding attachment trauma. Focusing on your highest good and deepest well-being. Dissipating shame. How emotional micro-traumas occur when you're not believed. Being bonded and attached to your partner while a lot of energy is used to keep the peace. Questioning your reality. Unresolved issues and gaining clarity of patterns and ourselves. Understanding where our anger is coming from and resolving the shame around the anger. Triggers are windows of opportunity and mirrors of our needs. Our relationships can also be mirrors of what needs to be healed. Challenges establishing healthy boundaries and how understanding your needs can help with boundaries. How your adaptative parts have protected your vulnerable parts. Exploring early life issues using Internal Family Systems (IFS). The protective parts (managers and firefighters) in IFS Paradox of hope. Is hope the source of our suffering or is helping us determine what is possible? Radical acceptance and strengthening our core selves. Re-establishing a strong sense of self and truth. Understanding the values and core beliefs of your highest self. You can contact Lisa through her website at: www.thrivingbeyondcassandrasyndrome.com to schedule a free consultation with her for some additional guidance. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy access to the conference sessions today.   Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode with guest co-host Dr. Bronwyn Wilson, we address the challenges that many neurodiverse couples experience because of communication differences. We discuss what it takes to create a win-win conversation and the ways in which many neurotypical/non-autistic partners use prompts to create connection with their partners. This process is called the "Prompt Dependency Cycle" and Bron talks about how this isn't always beneficial for either partner, or the relationship. In addition, we talk about why partners may take things personally and see some questions or certain types of comments as a criticism, when they are actually a way of connecting. We also discuss how having high expectations of each other may be having a negative impact on your relationship and why clarifying and understanding what you each need and want in the relationship is so beneficial.

• If you want to contact Bron, or order a copy of her book (Have They Gone Nuts? The Survival Guide to Social Interaction in Neurodiverse (Autistic-Neurotypical) Relationships, check out her website at: www.bronwilson.com. You can also buy her e-book on Amazon. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or click here to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Renee Rosales, the Founder of Theara shares the journey that she and her family have traveled to better understand the strengths, differences, challenges and learning opportunities that neurodiversity brings to their lives. Renee talks about how being an advocate for her son, took her down a path that helped pave the way for her passion for the "neurodiverse collective".   Through Theara she is offering the world an "acronym-based" system that can help build bridges for individuals, families, schools and organizations to learn how to better understand and support each other when there are neurological differences that may not be fully understood or appreciated. She also offers courses, coaching, consulting, links for life hacks, resources and tools for all types of neurodiversity. Other topics we discuss are: The road traveled to learn more about her son's differences. Fear of reaching out to others who may not understand. Grief and trauma that may occur with the discovery of neurodiversity. The importance of remembering that we don't just connect with words. Understanding the gift of curiosity and the importance of taking personal accountability. "Hybrid types" not "co-morbidities". What is a "sensory diet"? The shifts in her relationship with her husband. Why and when her and her husband separated and then reunited. Understanding dyslexia as a "processing disorder"- ie: "Dial-up" versus "broadband". The importance of understanding each other's communication style and needs. Respecting your partner, as you rebuild trust together. The value of being proactive, instead of reactive. You can't change others, however you "may" have some influence as you change yourself. Learning how you can be most effective individually, and in your relationships. Growth is painful! Both partners need to be invested in positive engagement. Turning trouble into training and obstacles into opportunities Determining what is going to be an obstacle to my JOY. Knowing love is in the "reaching"! You can contact Renee by email at: Theara@theara.com or on her website at: www.theara.com ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Michael John Carley has spent many years as an advocate, educator and collaborator.  He is the author of several books and he joined us on the podcast to talk about his book titled "The Book of Happy, Positive, and Confident Sex for Adults on the Autism Spectrum and Beyond" that was published in 2020 by Neurodiversity Press. From 2003-2013 Michael was the founder and Executive Director of GRASP (Global and Regional Asperger's Syndrome Partnership) where he learned about the many gaps that exist for autistic adults who are looking to thrive.  He has written for the Washington Post, Huffington Post, New York Times and many others.  His compassion, authenticity, and great sense of humor made our conversation with him both enlightening and inspirational. During this episode, Michael talks about the path he traveled to write his most recent book and how important it is for all of us to have access to the sex positive information that we need to thrive in that aspect of our life.  Whether you are in a neurodiverse relationship and are trying to create a mutually satisfying sex life with your partner, or you are single and want to engage in sexual experiences that are satisfying for you, this episode will provide helpful information and insight. We talk about ways to expand your sexual options, some of the challenges both partners may experience and why it is so important that we do more as a society to help "everyone" have access to the information they need to make well-educated decisions about their sexual interests and preferences. No matter where you are in your adult life, or what neurotype you are, this episode and Michael's book will provide you with information that may help you choose the path to create a "Happy, Positive and Confident Sex Life". To learn more about Michael John Carley and his work around the world, please check out his website at: www.michaeljohncarley.com  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If you liked this podcast episode, please rate it and follow us, or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode. For more information on "Neurodiverse Love" relationships please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups for the neurotypical partner, please DM us on IG or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your "Neurodiverse Love" story, or if you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail. Thank you for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community:-)

To celebrate the 3 year anniversary of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook is now available for only $12.97. To buy your workbook today, click here. The workbook includes 104 questions that you and your partner can discuss to learn more about what each of you wants and needs to thrive in your relationship and to live your most authentic life.

During this episode with Dr. Suzanne Lachmann, you and your partner will learn more about why many of the conflicts in your relationship are not getting resolved the way you would like. When repair and making amends seems to get more difficult over time, understanding the concepts and strategies Dr. Suzanne shares can be a game changer. The topics discussed include:

• Softening your perspective.
• Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.
• Understanding flexibility can be scary.
• Being literal vs general.
• Words and promises have different meanings.
• Being clear and concise...words matter.
• Can you stop taking things personally?
• Creating less tension and more understanding.
• Moving from sacrifice to compromise.
• When intentions are different than impact.
• Trusting your partners intentions are genuine.
• Understanding how you each define different words.
• Working on trusting each other.
• Anger vs emphasis.
• Urgency may not be anger.
• Language may not hold as much meaning to one of you.
• Saying the right things, but not acting on them.
• How often are you disappointed?
• Different ways of understanding language, the world and yourself.
• Both partners need to work on compromising.
• There is no black and white in relationships.
• Recognizing how different your partner thinks can create more positive communication.
• Getting triggered and looking for your partner to make up for pain from the past.
• Emotional short-circuits.

You can reach Dr. Suzanne through her website at: www.drsuzannel.com or connect with her on LinkedIn or Instagram @drsuzannel

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If you would like to buy a digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

To celebrate the one year anniversary of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona and Olga are co-hosting this special episode to talk about some of the important lessons they have learned in their various neurodiverse relationships.  During the first season, at the end of each podcast episode, lessons learned have been shared about the topic that was discussed.  During this special episode, some of those important lessons are revisited.

Mona and Olga started this podcast a year ago, because they hoped that sharing their stories about their Neurodiverse Love relationships would help at least one person, or one neurodiverse couple.  Knowing that there have been almost 5500 plays of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona and Olga are so thankful that people all over the world are learning that they are not alone and there are others who have been in neurodiverse relationships.  Throughout the last year SO many people have sent emails or DM's on Instagram to say thank you for sharing our lived experiences and lessons learned and Mona and Olga are thankful that Neurodiverse Love is making a difference for so many of you.  Thanks to all of you for your support, we are so proud to be able to be a part of your neurodiverse journey.

If you are the neurotypical or neurodivergent partner in a Neurodiverse Love relationship and would like to join one of our free Peer Support Groups please DM us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or email us at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, please feel free to check out our website at: neurodiverselove.com

If you would like to be a guest on the Neurodiverse Love podcast please send us a DM on Instagram or an email.

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love journey.  We are SO glad that our lived experiences and lessons learned have been helpful to hundreds of people all over the world:-)

If you would like to register for the 4 week workshop series titled " "How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together", with Sarah Swenson, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. click here.

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships click here. _________________________________________________ Although the global awareness of autism continues to show signs of growth, little empirical research has been done on the way in which neurodiversity impacts romantic relationships. The existing body of knowledge points at a severe state of distress in women who are in couple relationships with men on the autism spectrum. However, the literature is mainly based on personal accounts of these women, in many cases, without their partner being formally diagnosed. Most professionals aren’t trained or lack the experience to recognize or diagnose ASD in adults. Hence, they fail to provide efficient help for neurodiverse couples and women in neurodiverse relationships. Aiming to raise the awareness, change the existing situation and help these women and couples, Dr. Pnina Arad conducted an extensive quantitative study about the physical and mental well-being of women in neurodiverse relationships. During this episode she describes her research, shares the findings, and discusses the conclusions and implications of her study results. To learn more about Dr. Pnina Arad, please check out her website.

During this episode,  Mona talks with Life Coach-Robin Tate.  Robin shares how important it is for her to continuously compliment the successes and strengths of the neurodiverse couples she works with and to remind both partners how their brains are "equal and different". She also discusses communication differences and the importance of addressing "perspective taking" during arguments and for both partners to remember their "on the same team".  Robin also shares how literal language and weak central coherence can sometimes cause unintentional misunderstandings and flooding that can lead to shutdowns or meltdowns (flight or fright response).

We also address how physical, emotional and verbal abuse can become a reality in some relationships because of continued flooding, misunderstanding and unresolved conflict.  We also discuss how codependency and addictions can look in neurodiverse relationships and how each can impact both partners.  

We address some very emotional, but important issues throughout this episode.  I hope this discussion can give couples an opportunity to address the importance of understanding themselves individually and in relationship to their partner, so they can both work to reduce misunderstanding and conflict and increase understanding and appreciation of each other's differences.

Some of the issues we discuss in this episode may be triggers for some of our listeners, so we want to make sure that those of you who do not feel safe in your relationship know that you can contact the national domestic violence hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  In addition, if you need help getting treatment for an addiction please call SAMHSA's National Helpline at: 1-800-662- HELP (4357). 

In addition, there are several white papers on neurodiverse relationships that may be of interest to some of our listeners. They can be found at: https://mixedneurological.com/white-papers/

If you are interested in learning more about the research Dr. Pnina Arad has done regarding the physical and mental well being of women in neurodiverse relationships you can download her recent article at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359343205_Physical_and_Mental_Well-Being_of_Women_in_Neurodiverse_Relationships_A_Comparative_Study

If you want to contact Robin you can e-mail her at: RobinTateLLC@gmail.com, connect with her on LinkedIn, or check out her website at: www.robintatellc.com

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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase.  If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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• If you liked this episode, please rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast, so that you don't miss an episode.
• If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
• If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

If you are interested in learning more about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples, or individuals in a neurodiverse relationship, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com

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During this episode with Dr. Ali Cunningham Abbott, LMHC we talk about the self-discovery process for neurodivergent individuals and why it is critical for therapists, health care professionals and educators to have more knowledge and training about neurodiversity. Other topics addressed include:

• Ali's work at the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities (CARD) at Florida Atlantic University (FAU).
• Combatting assumptions about autism and romantic relationships.
• Counselors need to have the competencies to work with neurodivergent individuals or neurodiverse couples.
• Understanding the self-identification and self-discovery options and process. 
• Knowing if it’s necessary to get a formal diagnosis.
• Using free assessment tools may be helpful (ie: Autism Quotient; Social Responsiveness Scale).
• Go to www.embraceautism.com for a lot of free assessment tools.
• Understand your Sensory Profile.
• Hypo and Hyper social motivation.
• Understanding autism across the lifespan, for all genders, for different races and the diversity in sexuality identities.
• Autism representation in the media and stereotypes.
• Feeling alien or not belonging and getting a diagnosis or self-identification as an adult.
• Grieving what could have been because of unknown autism.
• Using strengths and assets to help individuals thrive.
• Project F.I.N.D. (Females in Need of Diagnosis).
• Making higher educational training more autism friendly.

Ali is the Program Director for the Counseling Program at Lynn University and she has created an “Interest Network” at the Southern Association for Counselors Educators and Supervisors.

• If you would like to buy Ali's book the title is: Counseling Adults with Autism; A Comprehensive Toolkit. 

• The title of Steph Jones book is: The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy.

• You can contact Ali at Lynn University  or on LinkedIn

Dr. Veronica Anderson is a medical doctor and an intuitive who is helping people throughout the world better understand themselves, their partners and other important people in their lives. During this episode, she shares a little about her professional journey and her neurodiverse family. In addition, Dr. Veronica provides information on the impact of the 3 parts of the mind: cognitive, affective and conative. Understanding the conative piece (how we take action when we are free to be who we are) can be a game changer in life and in our relationships.

Dr. Veronica also shares information about the 3 I's that impact our life and our relationships: Instinct (how you take action and how you do things); Imprinting (the first 7 years of your life are "imprinted" on to you and this attracts you to a particular type of person); Intuition (understanding your energy and spiritual DNA).

Dr. Veronica also talks about the Kolbe Assessment and how it helps us understand more about ourselves and the 4 types of people that may be in our lives professionally and personally, and how understanding more about the strengths (and potential challenges) of communicating and working with each type can impact your life. The 4 types include: Fact-finder; Follow-through; Quick Start; and Implementer.

Dr. Veronica also talks about the work she does around "Human Design" and the importance of understanding the 5 types of Human Design. She shares information about how each type has an important and valuable place in the world and how they may impact the way in which you show up in relationships and in your life, so that you can live with purpose and in a way that is alignment with your energy.

Dr. Veronica also shares the results of Mona's Kolbe Assessment and Human Design and each described Mona perfectly!

Understanding how your brain is wired and learning who you are, so you can BE IT is critical! In addition, a lot of the information shared during this episode can help partners understand themselves and each other.

If you are interested in learning more about the Kolbe Assessment and Human Design, and would like to work with Dr. Veronica you can reach her at: www.drveronica.com

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• If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
• Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠⁠click here⁠⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter.
• Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is available for $11.  ⁠⁠Click here⁠⁠ to buy your deck today.
• Lastly, if you missed the 2023 Neurodiverse Love Conference you can buy unlimited access to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions for only $98 by ⁠Clicking here⁠⁠.
• Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Do you wonder why your partner doesn't understand your needs?  Do you have challenges communicating your boundaries effectively in your Neurodiverse Love relationship? Do you know what emotional intelligence is and how it can help you communicate more effectively with your partner?  These are some of the important topics that Paul Micallef addresses in this fantastic podcast episode! 

Paul has had a successful career as an engineer and from a young age he had an interest in emotional intelligence (EI) and has spent his life becoming an expert in this area.  Diagnosed at 30, Paul started sharing his autistic journey on social media through his channel Asperger's from the Inside.  Through his numerous YouTube videos, coaching sessions and courses, he has provided guidance to SO many people who are also on a neurodiverse journey.  Through his on-line work, Paul serves as a translator and helps autistic and non-autistic people better understand the strategies and tools they can both use to understand how to let go of unconscious expectations!

Paul provides his EI courses on-line to help those who have a logical, rational brain understand the skills they need to increase their emotional intelligence. Paul also shares the strategies he uses to thrive in life and his neurodiverse relationship.  Being open about his lived experience and sharing his expertise, Paul is helping neurodivesre couples around the world learn how to understand themselves and each other better  This is another insightful, valuable episode that you may want to listen to with you partner.   Enjoy!

If you want to learn more about the fantastic work Paul is doing, please check out his website at: www.paulmicallef.com.au

You can also check out his YouTube channel at: Aspergers from the Inside

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If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.

For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM us on IG, or send us an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.

Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Thomas Lucking, Ph.D., LMFT, started his career in technology and then chose to pivot and become a therapist.  Having these two areas of expertise gives Dr. Thomas a unique and important perspective on neurodiverse relationships.  During this episode, Dr. Thomas provides a wealth of important information and concrete strategies to help neurodiverse couples understand each other better, while working on the issues that create the most challenges in their relationships. Dr. Thomas shares how couples can understand each others priorities and values and create a "Values Based Family Plan" together.  This plan can then held lead to increased understanding and better communication.  He also talks about the strategies he has created to help couples begin "relationship renewal" and reconcile with each other when there have been lots of misunderstandings and challenges in the relationship. Dr. Thomas provides so much insightful information on a variety of topics that will provide guidance and inspiration to neurodiverse couples, including: the communication challenges for the "turtle-vs-the hailstorm" and "death by 1000 cuts". Don't miss this important episode that may help you and your partner turn the corner and move from struggling to thriving. To reach Dr. Thomas and learn more about his counseling and coaching services, check out his websites at: www.siliconvalleytherapy.com or www.thomaslucking.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this podcast episode, please rate it and follow us, or subscribe, so you don't miss and episode. For more information on "Neurodiverse Love" relationships, please check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com You can also follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free "Neurodiverse Love" peer support groups for the neurotypical partner, please DM us on IG or send us and email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Also, if you would like to share your "Neurodiverse Love" story, or if you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or and e-mail. Thank you very much for being a part of the "Neurodiverse Love" community:-)

During this short bonus episode of the podcast, Mona shares “WHY” she created the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards,  “HOW” they can be used so that each partner can feel safe to share their needs and wants, and “WHAT” can be achieved when both partners come from a place of grace and compassion. Mona's parents were in a Neurodiverse Love marriage for over 40 years and never knew.  In addition, she didn't know she was in a neurodiverse relationship until the 29th year of her 30 year marriage.  By creating and releasing the cards, Mona hopes more neurodiverse couples will feel valued, heard and appreciated and gain understanding of each others strengths and differences.  When we know better, we CAN  do better! ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to purchase a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards please check out the "Conversation Cards” page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you like this podcast, please follow us or subscribe, so you don't miss an episode.  Please also take a minute to rate the podcast.  For more information on Neurodiverse Love relationships, please check our our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow us on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you would like to join one of our free online Neurodiverse Love peer support groups, please DM Mona on IG, or send an email to: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Also, if you would like to share your Neurodiverse Love story, or you work with neurodiverse couples and would like to be a guest on the podcast, please send us a DM or an e-mail.  Thanks for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Mona and Olga are back to talk about how challenging it can be to be our authentic selves in any relationship. They also share some of the challenges they have experienced with past and current relationships. Some of the other topics discussed include: Not understanding ourselves, our partners, or their lived experiences. Our perception can change our reality. Apologizing can be so hard. The value of asking "how can I help or support you?" Being respectful, kind and compassionate. Concrete, black and white thinking. The importance of listening to "understand" your partner and if you don't understand be curious and ask questions. Be open to changing your perspective and your mind. How definitive decisions can result in no path back. Maybe it's not personal. Coming from a place of fear, because of past trauma. How can you trust each other? How addictions can be used to help when you don't feel like you fit in. Alcohol may be used to be more present and serve as a social lubricant. Focus more on fun. ___________________________________________________ To listen to more episodes of the podcast with Mona and Olga check out Season 1 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. If you would like to buy a digital deck of the "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards", the recently released "Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook", would like to subscribe to the Neurodiverse Love newsletter, or get more information about the support groups that Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples, or the neurotypical/non-autistic partners, check out her website at: www.neurodiverse love.com, or send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community!