It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People (TruStory FM)
Explore every episode of It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
| Pub. Date | Title | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 17 Aug 2023 | REBROADCAST: The New Elephant in the Room: Personality Disorders | 00:32:06 | |
Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:
Links & Other Notes
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 17 Apr 2025 | Family Q&A: Real Solutions for High Conflict Relationships | 00:38:54 | |
Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Your Questions Answered In this listener-focused episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address pressing questions about dealing with high conflict personalities in family relationships. The episode dives deep into managing challenging family dynamics, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding different conflict management styles. Family Relationships and High Conflict Personalities Bill and Megan explore a complex situation involving an adopted son who shows signs of high conflict behavior patterns. They discuss how early childhood experiences can shape adult relationships and offer insights into managing these challenging family dynamics while maintaining hope for positive change. Setting Boundaries with Siblings The episode examines the delicate balance of maintaining relationships with high conflict siblings while protecting personal boundaries. Bill and Megan provide practical strategies for managing distance in relationships without completely severing ties, emphasizing the importance of scheduled communication and clear expectations. Understanding Conflict Avoidance The hosts explore an interesting perspective on highly conflict-averse individuals and their relationship to high conflict situations. They discuss how different personality types interact with conflict and provide insights into professional approaches to managing high conflict situations. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in their family relationships. Through real-world examples and expert analysis, listeners gain practical tools for managing challenging relationships while maintaining their own emotional well-being. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 05 Jan 2023 | Confirmation Bias in High Conflict Situations: How to Avoid Being Fooled by High Conflict People | 00:34:22 | |
Have you ever been fooled by someone? Or become passionate about a cause, belief, or opinion that later was proven to be false – and you discovered that the information was there all the time but you hadn’t considered anything outside one point of view? That may have been because of confirmation bias.
Links & Other Notes Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 27 Mar 2025 | Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: Winning in Family Court with Judge Bruce Cohen (ret.) | 00:47:10 | |
Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's Perspective In this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes. Understanding the Impact of Communication Style Judge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications. The Role of Personality Disorders in Court The discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms. Effective Court Communication Bill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 17 Nov 2022 | Transforming Inmates into Peacemakers, with Guest Doug Noll: Part 2 | 00:27:04 | |
“Listening People Into Existence.” In this second episode with Doug Noll of the Prison of Peace program, Bill and Megan continue their conversation about this program that leads incarcerated individuals through intensive workshops to become Peacemakers, and eventually Certified Trainers who go out into their communities after their release, using their new peacemaking skills. In this episode, Doug continues telling us about:
Listen in as Doug, Megan and Bill dig deep into why this program works.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 30 Dec 2021 | Harm Reduction with YouTube Influencer & Author Dr. Todd Grande | 00:45:39 | |
Do you love reading thrillers and mysteries? Or binging shows like Dexter on Netflix? If you do, you’re going to love this episode! We’re interviewing our very first podcast guest, Dr. Todd Grande, who is the author of Harm Reduction, a thriller of extraordinary psychological depth that explores the interactions of a therapist, a narcissistic serial killer, and a detective. Their lives intertwine and revolve around leveraging and holding a secret. Dr. Grande is a content creator on YouTube, with 950k subscribers (he’ll likely reach 1 million before this episode airs). On his channel, he discusses the details of various news events, court cases, celebrities, serial killers, personality theory, mental health and much more. Dr. Grande joins Bill and Megan on this episode to discuss his new book and to take a deep dive into the pathology of serial killers. Are they all narcissistic? Sociopaths? Psychopaths? All of the above? What are intricacies of various types, and do they overlap with other types of mental illness. For example, have you ever wondered about serial killers who also have OCD? Dr. Grande and Bill will discuss the personality types, led by Megan who will also discuss Dr. Grande’s other books, a series titled The Notorious Series. They will talk about:
Don’t miss this fascinating talk with Dr. Grande. Links & Other Notes
YOUTUBE CHANNEL Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 09 Jun 2022 | High Conflict in Education: Chaos, Attrition, and Fear with Guest Sandra Just | 00:37:35 | |
Throughout the pandemic, which we’ve now been in for a little over two years, the fight has been “on” in the education world. Education – especially public education – has always been at the crossroads of many social and cultural changes, from bussing students across town, to benchmark academic standards for school funding, to which books are approved for teaching classes. Then with Covid, the conflict flame grew even brighter as parents, schools, unions, and more fought over – and continue to fight – over masks, vaccinations, virtual classes, school shutdowns, gender issues, parent rights, Zoom classes, and more. Conflict abounds. Bill and Megan speak with Sandra Just, MEd, founder of Just Look Within Coaching and Consulting. Sandra is an educator with 30+ years’ experience in public education as a teacher, administrator, and HR director. She discusses the current state of education, given the many issues that everyone involved in the system are faced with, including:
Listen in as Bill and Megan talk with Sandra about school. As Sandra says, “We’re great at helping kids, but maybe we’re not so great at helping the adults in education.” About Sandra Just Sandra Just is the Founder and Principal of Just Look Within Coaching and Consulting. Sandra spent 31 years as an educator in the Denver Public Schools. During her time in DPS, she served as a teacher, counselor, performance management advisor, school leader, and interim regional assistant superintendent. She is known for developing her staff into leaders, supporting students to meet their goals, and creating a strong school culture. Sandra currently serves as a mentor for students in the para to teacher pipeline at the University of Northern Colorado Center for Urban Education. She also consults with School Works, as needed. Sandra earned her certificate as an Executive Coach in 2021 and is currently working toward Board Certification. Sandra enjoys spending time with family and friends. She volunteers with the Rocky Mountain Down Syndrome Association. Links & Other Notes GUEST LINKS BOOKS & AUDIO
CONFLICT INFLUENCER CERTIFICATION COURSE ARTICLES Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 13 Jun 2024 | World of Bullies #2: Unmasking Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Michael Lomax | 00:42:03 | |
Confronting Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax In the second episode of the World of Bullies series, Bill and Megan welcome Michael Lomax to explore bullying in the workplace and mediation. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute and an esteemed speaker, respectively, they share their expertise on handling high conflict personalities in professional settings. Bill and Michael emphasize the importance of managers thoroughly investigating bullying allegations and understanding the key characteristics of bullies, such as a lack of self-restraint, empathy, and remorse. They also discuss how bullies use emotional tactics to manipulate their targets and recruit negative advocates. Michael shares his experience meeting with alleged bullies who often present themselves as victims. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides valuable insights and strategies for navigating bullying in the workplace and mediation, equipping listeners with the tools needed to create a healthier work environment. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 11 May 2023 | Let a Win Be a Win in High Conflict | 00:22:54 | |
The definition of a “win” is different in high conflict situations as opposed to ordinary conflict. Not recognizing that a win looks quite different can inadvertently escalate conflict or take a few steps backwards. In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 16 Nov 2023 | The Art of Mindful Engagement: Using EAR Statements Judiciously | 00:27:30 | |
De-escalating High Conflict People with EAR Statements: An insightful look at calming down difficult situations EAR statements are a compassionate way to acknowledge someone's emotions while still maintaining professional boundaries. Bill explains how a short EAR statement can radically shift a tense interaction by making the other person feel heard and seen. However, EAR statements aren't advisable in dangerous or abusive situations. Safety should always come first. Bill and Megan also caution that overusing empathy with manipulative personality types can backfire. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This insightful episode is essential listening for anyone who deals with difficult people regularly. Bill and Megan's wisdom and experience provide easy-to-implement communication tools that can transform volatile situations. Their compassionate approach promotes understanding on both sides of tense interactions. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 09 Feb 2023 | Family Law in Israel with Guest Michal Fein | 00:45:27 | |
Is it possible to change family law in an entire country? Change that results in improvements for families, and especially for children? In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with family law attorney, Michal Fein, of Tel Aviv, Israel, about a law she wrote to address some problematic issues in Israel’s family law system—the Family Disputes Settlement Law. They will discuss:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 25 Aug 2022 | REBROADCAST: High Conflict Emotion Contagion | 00:40:31 | |
REBROADCAST The challenge of being emotional creatures Did you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked.
Links & Other Notes
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| 14 Sep 2023 | Group Dynamics Decoded: Taming High Conflict Drama and Disruptions | 00:27:39 | |
High Conflict Dynamics in Groups: Navigating Drama and Setting Limits Welcome back to 'It's All Your Fault', the podcast from the High Conflict Institute. In this episode, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy delve into the complex world of group dynamics when a high conflict personality is involved. They shed light on how to handle a high conflict person who is dominating a group and creating drama, drawing from a listener's question.
How does one handle a high conflict individual who is creating a whirlwind of drama in a group setting? How can a leader effectively manage such situations without escalating the conflict? Bill and Megan discuss these questions in detail, providing practical strategies and insights. They also explore the challenge of bias against female leaders and share tips on how to address it.
If you have questions or insights about dealing with high conflict personalities in group settings, feel free to submit them via the podcast's contact page on the High Conflict Institute's website. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 06 Jun 2024 | World of Bullies #1: Navigating the New World of Adult Bullying | 00:46:06 | |
World of Bullies: Bill Eddy's Groundbreaking New Book In this first episode of our new "World of Bullies" series, based on Bill Eddy's new book, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them, Bill and Megan dive into the timely topic of adult bullying. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, they provide invaluable insights for listeners. Bill shares that his inspiration for the book came during the COVID-19 pandemic when he noticed an increase in bullying behavior across society. He emphasizes the importance of understanding bullies and the need for structure, limits, and consequences to curb their destructive behavior. Megan highlights that while society has generally evolved to be more cooperative, high emotion media has influenced people's thinking and behavior, leading to a concerning shift in culture. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode sets the stage for the "World of Bullies" series, providing listeners with a comprehensive understanding of adult bullying and equipping them with practical tools to navigate challenging situations. Bill and Megan's expertise makes this a must-listen for anyone seeking to create a more harmonious environment in their lives. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 25 Apr 2024 | Bringing It to Life #2: Dealing with High Conflict Personalities in the Workplace | 00:31:40 | |
Bill and Megan continue their “Bringing It to Life” series, discussing how to identify and manage high conflict personalities in the workplace. They provide insights and strategies for leaders to improve workplace culture. Bill and Megan aim to help listeners learn skills to keep conflict small and maintain healthy work environments. In this episode, they focus on limiting the damage caused by toxic employees. Recognizing High Conflict Behavior Patterns
Managing High Conflict Employees
Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This practical episode provides valuable insights for improving morale and productivity by minimizing the damage caused by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan offer useful strategies to create a thriving workplace. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 23 Nov 2023 | Grief Over the Death of a High Conflict Loved One | 00:23:50 | |
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan provide guidance for coping with the complicated emotions that can arise when a high conflict person passes away. They cover the confusing mix of grief and relief family members often feel, how to handle being blamed after the loss, and the destabilization that can occur when a high conflict adult child loses a parent.
Losing a family member is always difficult, but even more complicated when high conflict is involved. Bill and Megan provide compassionate insight into managing these challenging situations and emotions. They remind us that empathy, perspective and communication are key.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 08 Sep 2022 | REBROADCAST: Domestic Violence in Family Law: Part 1 | 00:44:23 | |
REBROADCAST Domestic Violence Megan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part one of this conversation. Links & Other Notes THE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODE
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| 05 Dec 2024 | Safeguarding Seniors: Protecting the Elderly from High Conflict Personalities | 00:39:46 | |
Protecting the Elderly from High Conflict Personalities In this episode, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by the elderly population in dealing with high conflict personalities. As the global population ages and birth rates decline, it's crucial to understand how to identify and manage individuals who may pose a threat to the well-being of our elderly loved ones. The hosts discuss how high conflict personalities, such as those with antisocial, narcissistic, or borderline traits, can take advantage of the elderly's vulnerability through manipulation and control. They provide practical advice on recognizing red flags and supporting elderly individuals who may be experiencing abuse. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides valuable insights and advice for anyone with elderly loved ones. By understanding the challenges faced by the elderly and learning to identify and manage high conflict personalities, listeners can play an active role in protecting the well-being of the older generation. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 14 Mar 2024 | Married or Divorced? Examining Women's Happiness in Relationships | 00:27:42 | |
Are Women Happier Married or Divorced? In this thought-provoking episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex topic of women's happiness in marriage. They explore recent research and articles that suggest women should get divorced to find happiness, and then offer their own insights and experiences to provide a balanced perspective. Examining the Claims Finding Balance and Happiness Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers a nuanced look at the complex question of women's happiness in marriage. By examining recent claims, sharing personal experiences, and diving into statistics, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and perspective. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of the factors that contribute to happiness in relationships and the importance of developing strong relationship skills. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 21 Sep 2023 | Workplace Gaslighting: Two-Person Conflict or One High-Conflict Person? | 00:23:17 | |
Identifying High-Conflict People vs. Mutual Conflict at Work In this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss how to identify when workplace conflict is driven by a high-conflict person rather than being a mutual disagreement. They share research-based strategies from the High Conflict Institute. Bill and Megan explain how to demonstrate to management that conflict is one-sided rather than two employees having a spat. They discuss options for addressing issues professionally while remaining calm and solution-focused. Bill emphasizes responding confidently. Megan shares how training can help management recognize high-conflict personalities. You may be wondering:
Key Takeaways:
Megan and Bill offer insightful strategies for identifying and responding to high-conflict people at work. Tune in to learn research-based approaches. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 10 Feb 2022 | Dating Radar: How HCPs Jam Your Radar | 00:34:01 | |
In the first episode of this Dating Radar four-part series, Megan and Bill discuss how people with high conflict personalities (HCPs) can destroy your life. In this episode, listen in as they discuss how HCPs jam your radar. We’d all like to think we’re wise to it, but there are several factors that make us susceptible, which Megan and Bill discuss. They delve into a Dating Radar survey with over 650 responses from people who have been in high conflict romantic relationships. Respondents shared their experiences and lessons learned, including the “spark” that should have been a red flag but was experienced as a sign of true love and compatibility. And Bill and Megan also discuss the issue of fake compatibility often experienced by those who fall for HCPs. This series is for everyone, but especially for young people or parents of young people who need to pay attention to dating radar before it’s too late. Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES DATING RADAR TEST & SURVEY RESULTS Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 24 Feb 2022 | Q&A Lab: Dating Edition | 00:36:44 | |
If you are curious about love and romance with challenging – or even toxic – partners, this is your opportunity to hear questions from our listeners and Bill’s and Megan’s answers. In this episode, they answer questions about:
Megan and Bill answer these questions and more in this final episode of the Dating Radar series. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
DATING RADAR TEST & SURVEY RESULTS COURSE ARTICLES
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 02 Mar 2023 | High Conflict Workplace Investigations with Guest Host Cherolyn Knapp and Guest Bob Stenhouse | 00:45:09 | |
Workplace investigations. If you’ve been through one, it may have been easily worked out with assistance from the professionals involved or it may have been a nightmare if someone with a high conflict personality was involved. Whether you are an employee, a manager, in human resources, or a workplace investigator, you will want to listen in as two workplace investigators discuss high conflict investigations. Megan is joined by guest co-host Cherolyn Knapp and guest Bob Stenhouse, founder of Veritas Solutions and highly decorated and nationally recognized serious and organized crime investigator with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, to discuss:
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 29 Feb 2024 | Drawing the Line: Setting Boundaries for External Conflicts at Work | 00:32:30 | |
Keeping the Peace: Managing High Conflict Issues at Work Bill and Megan explain that while online conversations may feel more hostile lately, research shows it’s often due to a small group of aggressive, status-driven people. When divisive issues come up at work, reasonable people tend to disengage, allowing bullies to dominate the dialogue. This can deteriorate workplace culture and community. To maintain a cohesive team, leaders must set clear guidelines about acceptable communication. Bill suggests focusing on keeping conflicts impersonal and issues-based, not attacking people’s character. Megan adds that while managers have limited power to enforce culture alone, they can coach employees one-on-one on respectful communication. HR can recommend coaching to improve behaviors vs. immediately firing staff. Employees feeling bullied should speak up, understand their options, and get assertiveness training if needed. With the right boundaries and empathy, organizations can productively navigate sensitive topics. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
Setting clear expectations while extending empathy enables workplaces to keep the peace during polarizing times. Tune in to hear Bill and Megan’s insightful guidance on fostering understanding. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 21 Dec 2023 | Holiday Harmony: Keeping The Peace at Family Celebrations | 00:18:00 | |
Keeping the Peace This Holiday Season In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere. Avoiding Hot-Button Topics Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment. Defusing Tensions Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges. Why It Matters Questions we answer:
Key Takeaways:
This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 20 Jun 2024 | World of Bullies #3: Unveiling the Invisible Enemy - Confronting Family Bullies | 00:31:34 | |
Bullying in Families: How to Spot It and What to Do In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan dive deep into the hidden world of family bullies. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, CA, they share their expertise on identifying and dealing with high conflict personalities within families. Through real-life examples and listener stories, Bill and Megan shed light on this often overlooked issue. Uncovering the Hidden Dynamics of Family Bullies Bill and Megan discuss how bullies often isolate their targets, using emotional repetition to wear down their self-esteem. They explain the concept of "negative advocates" – people who unwittingly support the bully by believing their victim narrative. Bill shares insights from his new book, "Our New World of Adult Bullies," highlighting the manipulative tactics bullies employ to maintain control. The conversation turns to the role of bullies as gatekeepers, controlling access to children, elderly parents, and financial information. Bill emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and seeking support from siblings, therapists, or legal professionals when necessary. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has experienced or witnessed bullying within their family. By understanding the dynamics at play and learning how to respond effectively, listeners can take steps towards creating healthier, safer relationships. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 25 Nov 2021 | The Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict People | 00:40:38 | |
The Antisocial Personality Disorder Have you met this person? Someone who:
If so, you might have been around someone with an Antisocial personality. This isn’t the person who stands in the corner during parties –which is often top of mind with the term antisocial. It’s actually Antisocial Personality Disorder (used interchangeably with sociopath). You know... it’s the guy (or gal) who thinks they’re special. He thinks he can park his car anywhere and not be towed. She embezzles from the company or fakes cancer to raise money. He blows up if he does not get the superior treatment he apparently deserves. She has an opinion about everything, hijacks conversations, poo-poos your thoughts and emotions and will lie though her teeth even when she knows she can get caught. Most of all – he wants something from you! If you think you’ve never been around someone like this, you probably have been... but weren’t aware of what you were dealing with. Those who are married to them or have them as bosses know the confusion they cause and likely have experienced the terror in the pit of your stomach. But, surprise, you were most likely charmed in the beginning. Bill and Megan do a deep dive into the antisocial personality type, exploring:
Understanding and dealing with Antisocial HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step. If you’ve been the Target of Blame for an Antisocial HCP, you know the terror and helplessness they exact and the toll they take. Because they’re highly manipulative and charming, it’s easy to get conned by them. Instead, learning what to watch for is imperative. And if it’s too late and you’re already involved with one, it’s a good idea to get help from an expert. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now. Send us your stories! We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials. Please rate, review and share this show! Links & Other Notes Books: All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format. Training:
Articles:
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan You can also find these show notes on our website as well.
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| 15 Sep 2022 | Parental Alienation in Divorce with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, Part 1 | 00:29:29 | |
High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the first episode in our new High Conflict Divorce series in which we will interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world — attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators, and those within the courts themselves. In this episode – the first of two – we talk with renowned parental alienation expert Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, the author of nine books including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, The High-Conflict Custody Battle, and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Alienation is one of the most challenging, confusing, and terrifying events in one’s life. Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Baker about:
Links & Other Notes WEBSITES BOOKS
OTHER
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 06 Feb 2025 | Meet Judge Bruce R. Cohen (ret.): Family Court Success from Both Sides of the Bench | 00:46:16 | |
Welcome Judge Cohen: A Fresh Perspective on Family Court Join Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome retired Judge Bruce R. Cohen to the High Conflict Institute team. This episode explores the human side of family court proceedings through Judge Cohen's unique lens, developed over 24 years as a family law attorney and nearly 20 years on the bench in Arizona's Superior Court. Understanding Best Interests and Judicial Perspective Judge Cohen shares invaluable insights about the concept of "best interests of the child" and how it's applied in family court. He explains how the legal framework has evolved beyond gender preferences to focus on meeting children's specific needs. Through personal anecdotes, including the transformative "Bonnie story," Judge Cohen illustrates how maintaining presence and recognizing humanity in each case leads to better outcomes. Breaking Down Family Court Success The discussion delves into practical advice for presenting cases effectively in family court. Rather than chronological presentations or attempts to prove who's "right," success comes from focusing on children's needs and each parent's ability to meet them. Bill and Megan explore with Judge Cohen how understanding jurisdictional factors and avoiding assumptions about bias can strengthen case presentations. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers unique insights from both sides of the bench, providing valuable perspective for anyone navigating family court. Judge Cohen's practical wisdom, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise, creates an essential resource for understanding how to approach family court proceedings effectively. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 09 Nov 2023 | Floundering Into Adulthood: Overcoming Alienation and Parents with Personality Disorders | 00:24:23 | |
Finding Your Way as a Young Adult with a High-Conflict Parent Bill and Megan have noticed an uptick in parents saying their young adult children are floundering after high school. While there are many contributing factors, a common thread seems to be having a parent with a high-conflict personality. This can significantly impact a young person's ability to find direction and become fully independent. Bill and Megan explore the cultural and social factors that make this transitional time particularly difficult for young people today. They discuss how our interconnected online world, while having many benefits, can also lead to comparison, depression and a feeling of not belonging. Bullying and toxic relationships enabled by social media exacerbate these issues. In addition, they examine the direct impact of growing up with a self-focused, high-conflict parent. This can leave young people feeling responsible for the parent and unable to focus on their own wants and needs. Bill and Megan provide perspective on how to overcome these challenges, emphasizing the importance of finding mentors, engaging in healthy social connections and seeking professional support if needed. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This uplifting episode provides hope and helpful advice for young people navigating adulthood in today's complex world. Bill and Megan offer perspective and guidance for anyone supporting a young person struggling to spread their wings. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 26 Oct 2023 | Manipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder | 00:35:18 | |
Podcast hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle listener questions about antisocial personality disorder. Bill clarifies common myths.
The first section covers a listener asking how to respond to a psychiatrist claiming their spouse doesn't have antisocial traits. Bill explains professionals can get manipulated by antisocials' victim stories. Key antisocial patterns include blaming, aggression, rule-breaking, and lying. Make your own assessment using pattern awareness.
Next, they discuss a listener noticing antisocial patterns across generations of their family. Bill confirms antisocial personality tends to run in families due to genetic factors. However, early childhood environment plays a role too. Having one antisocial family member doesn't mean all siblings will be.
Finally, Bill contrasts antisocial personalities from narcissistic patterns. Antisocials straightforwardly lie while narcissists exaggerate. Both invest in false public images. However, antisocials fabricate entire stories while narcissists distort real events.
Understanding personalities helps respond cautiously. Don't assume you can change them. Focus on protecting yourself. Manipulation knows no limits or social status. Maintain healthy skepticism. Bill busts myths about antisocial personalities. Learn to recognize concerning patterns and behaviors to protect yourself.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 03 Dec 2022 | Yes, And—Improvisation & Creativity in Conflict Communication with Guest Kelly Leonard of The Second City | 00:38:25 | |
The Second City – where countless actors and comedians got their start. They’ve been bringing the funny for over 60 years. Now the first name in improve and comedy, they’ve expanded well beyond the stage and into business, wellness, education and so much more. Kelly Leonard, Executive Director of Learning and Applied Improvisation at The Second City, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to talk about improvisation, creativity, and whether and how it can be used in conflict communication – especially in high conflict interactions. For over twenty years, he oversaw Second City’s live theatrical divisions working with such talent as Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Steve Carrell, and others.
Links & Other Notes:
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 19 Oct 2023 | Surviving High Conflict Divorce, Custody Battles, and Parental Alienation | 00:25:28 | |
Navigating High Conflict Divorce and Co-Parenting In this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy answer listener questions to provide guidance on high conflict divorce and co-parenting dilemmas.
The first response is to a listener asking how to finalize a divorce when a spouse lacks self-awareness. Bill explains not to expect insight from highly manipulative people. He advises weighing options and setting limits versus seeking concessions.
Next, they tackle a question about mediating with an inflexible ex-spouse. Bill recommends one or two sessions maximum before assessing if it's futile. Megan underscores making self-directed choices to end unproductive mediation.
Finally, they discuss dealing with an ex-spouse severely alienating children after divorce. Bill outlines common alienating behaviors and options like counseling or temporary custody change. Megan emphasizes understanding personalities aids strategic response.
Bill and Megan share hard-won experience navigating the rollercoaster of high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 20 Jul 2023 | HOA Headaches with High Conflict Complaints | 00:31:08 | |
What do you do when a community resident or homeowner calls with complaints as consistently as the sun rises and sets? Some are chronic complainers but easily handled with some attention and/or humor. But what if you have a persistent complainer who watches the neighbors like a hawk and insists that all homeowners follow HOA regulations to the letter of the law? And complains to HOA management with any and all violations or perceived violations, with expectations of punishment and consequences for the offender, even when it’s about the trash bin that’s left out an extra hour or two? Is this someone with a high conflict personality? Or does that strict adherence to rules and regulations mean that this person may have an Obsessive Compulsive personality? While we don’t and won’t diagnose – and neither should you – Bill and Megan discuss whether this personality type may be in the Cluster B category (high conflict) or Cluster C category (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), and what to do about it if you’re confronted with this behavior in an HOA or anywhere. Note: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and someone with “OCD” are different. We’ll discuss this in this episode.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 13 Oct 2022 | What is the High Conflict Personality Theory? | 00:19:04 | |
People with high conflict personalities have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happen over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. The pattern of behavior includes a lot of:
Bill Eddy developed the high conflict personality theory and has been helping others understand the patterns of behavior and respond constructively. In this episode, Megan talks with Bill about how he arrived at the theory and how he developed it.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 24 Oct 2024 | Asked and Answered: Your Questions on High Conflict Personalities, Relationships, and Self-Improvement | 00:29:51 | |
Megan Answers Your Questions About High Conflict Personalities In this special "Asked and Answered" episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter flies solo to address listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities. She shares expert insights to help listeners navigate challenging relationships, from understanding and overcoming high conflict behaviors to minimizing damage in high conflict co-parenting situations. She also advises on navigating borderline personality disorder in relationships and the challenges of blending families and building bonds. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for anyone struggling with high conflict personalities in their lives. Megan's expert perspective and compassionate approach provide listeners with the tools and resources they need to navigate challenging relationships and work towards positive change. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
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| 05 May 2022 | Q&A Lab - Answering Listener Questions | 00:35:38 | |
It’s time for the Q&A Lab again! In this episode, Bill and Megan answer listener questions on several topics, including:
Listen as we break it down and answer these questions that truly have a significant impact on lives. Links & Other Notes BOOKS It’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything ARTICLES The CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict Situations You Can Strengthen Any Relationship With Empathy, Attention, and Respect WEBSITE Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 09 Mar 2023 | Why Connection Is So Important in High Conflict Interactions | 00:32:34 | |
One of the cornerstones of successful management of high conflict interactions is connection. In fact, it is the “C” in the CARS Method®—a set of principles for managing high conflict disputes and interactions. In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about this exceedingly important principle of connection, including:
LINKS
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 28 Jul 2022 | Are Personality Disorders a Mental Illness? | 00:30:58 | |
Personality disorders are widespread but not always seen as a mental disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association indicates that over 10% of adults have such a disorder, based on studies from several countries. These are huge numbers, yet few people know much about personality disorders and many do not see them as a mental disorder. Information found online is often misleading. Ultimately, many people simply get angry with those with personality disorders, believing that they are just being difficult on purpose and can control their behavior. Likewise, judges generally do not consider them a factor in making legal decisions, because they are considered to know right from wrong. However, these views may be changing. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 29 Jun 2023 | REBROADCAST: Parental Alienation in Divorce with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, Part 2 | 00:45:02 | |
While on hiatus, we’re re-releasing some of our past episodes. This week, we’re finishing to our 2-part conversation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker about high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and author of 9 books, including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex; The High-Conflict Custody Battle; and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome will talk with Bill and Megan about:
Links & Other Notes WEBSITES BOOKS
OTHER
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 27 Jan 2022 | High Conflict Emotion Contagion | 00:40:31 | |
The challenge of being emotional creatures Did you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked. In this episode we’ll break down emotion contagion. If you’re a brain nerd like us, or you simply want to have a better understanding of human behavior and the impact of unmanaged emotions on others, you’ll enjoy this episode. Specifically, we’ll discuss:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS ON DEMAND COURSE ARTICLES Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 08 Aug 2024 | Asked and Answered: Navigating High Conflict Personalities with Practical Strategies | 00:31:55 | |
In this solo episode, Megan Hunter dives into the world of high conflict personalities. With co-host Bill Eddy away, Megan takes the opportunity to answer listener questions and provide valuable insights on identifying and dealing with individuals who exhibit high conflict behaviors. Throughout the episode, she offers practical strategies for managing these challenging interactions and maintaining your own well-being. Understanding the Five Types of High Conflict Personalities Navigating Family Dynamics with High Conflict Personalities Strategies for Professional Settings Coping with a High Conflict Adult Child Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone struggling to navigate relationships with high conflict personalities. By understanding the root causes of their behavior and employing the strategies discussed, listeners can develop healthier, more productive interactions with these individuals. Megan's expertise and practical advice make this an essential listen for anyone seeking to improve their communication skills and maintain their well-being in challenging situations. Links & Other Notes “LIVE” CLASSES/COURSES
BOOKS
ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
| |||
| 17 Feb 2022 | Dating Radar: Your Blind Spots | 00:38:04 | |
Watch Those Blind Spots! The very qualities that help us fall in love can at the same time be the on-ramp for the highway to hell. Avoiding a high-conflict relationship requires looking beyond attraction, chemistry, availability & compatibility, and recognizing your own particular blind spots. Bill and Megan talk about three types of ‘blind spot’ fact-finding and how to understand how your vulnerabilities can blind you. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
DATING RADAR TEST & SURVEY RESULTS ARTICLES Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 04 Jul 2024 | World of Bullies #5: Strategies for Dealing with Bully Neighbors | 00:31:59 | |
Dealing with Bully Neighbors: Strategies for Resolving Conflicts In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the world of bully neighbors and explore effective strategies for managing these challenging situations. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California, Bill and Megan share their expertise on navigating high conflict personalities and offer practical advice for listeners dealing with difficult neighbors. Identifying Bullying Behavior in Neighbors Resolving Neighbor Conflicts Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of maintaining a strategic, non-judgmental approach when dealing with bully neighbors. They highlight the role of empathy and the need for clear consequences to curb bullying behavior. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone struggling with a bully neighbor. By understanding the dynamics of high conflict personalities and following the expert advice provided by Bill and Megan, listeners can feel empowered to take steps towards resolving their neighbor conflicts and maintaining a peaceful living environment. *Note: The episode contains a sensitive story involving animal cruelty that may be disturbing to some listeners. While relevant to the topic, it's important to provide a content warning before discussing this particular example. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 20 Apr 2023 | HCPs in HR, Genuine vs. Feigned Empathy, and Child HCPs | 00:26:23 | |
In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on a variety of high-conflict topics, including:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 03 Mar 2022 | Using Empathy, Attention and Respect to Calm Current Conflicts | 00:33:37 | |
In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss the use of EAR Statements to calm current conflicts experienced by people across the globe. Anger, accusations, and opinions flying everywhere. People having conversations that most would have not engaged in a few years ago but now seem to be unable to stop themselves. Megan starts off with a recent example from the show ‘Sister Wives’ about the need for the use of empathy in relationships and conversations. Bill explains what an EAR Statement is and how to use them in various scenarios in every day life, such as:
Listen in and learn how to use EAR Statements in any walk of life. Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes on our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 24 Mar 2022 | Finally Figuring It Out: Learning From a Late-in-Life Bi-Polar Diagnosis with Dr. Jay Lieberman | 00:46:58 | |
A diagnosis of bi-polar disorder can be both devastating and liberating. Although such a diagnosis is unsettling because of the lifetime implications, it can also be a relief to have an answer and hope for a calmer future. In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Dr. Jay Lieberman, a retired surgeon in the podiatry field who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder later in life than most — at age 60. As one might expect, his professional and personal life took some major hits after some harrowing events that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been suffering with an undiagnosed mental illness. Dr. Jay shares his journey – in a very transparent way – through the impacts of his behavior on his marriage, his career, and other relationships. It’s a journey marked with significant loss, but also with a great deal of new life, new purpose, forgiveness, and hope. Listen in as Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Jay about:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 16 May 2024 | Bringing It to Life #5: Navigating Money and Corporate Complexities in High Conflict Divorces with Guest Kate Merrill | 00:44:04 | |
High Conflict Cases and Money: Navigating the Complexities In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan are joined by special guest Kate Merrill, a California attorney specializing in complex divorce cases involving stock options and other business and corporate issues. As part of the Bringing It to Life series, they explore the intricacies of high conflict divorces involving money and finances. Kate shares her unique perspective, having transitioned from a corporate attorney in Silicon Valley to a family law attorney. Her background in corporate law and MBA in finance enable her to approach these cases with a fresh perspective, uncovering hidden assets and untangling complex financial structures. Bill and Megan discuss the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money, including controlling finances and using manipulation tactics to hide assets or mislead their partners. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating a high conflict divorce involving money and finances, providing strategies to uncover the truth and achieve a fair outcome. Links & Other Notes GUEST
BOOKS
ORGANIZATIONS ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 11 Aug 2022 | REBROADCAST: Narcissistic High Conflict People | 00:44:36 | |
REBROADCAST When an HCP is a Narcissist... Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake.
Understanding and dealing with Narcissistic HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step.
Send us your stories!
Links & Other Notes
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| 03 Feb 2022 | Dating Radar: High Conflict Types You Might Want to Avoid | 00:36:20 | |
There are people you shouldn’t marry, have children with, or have a financial entanglement – people with high conflict personalities. They blame, gaslight, lie, deny, make false allegations, and some will seek to destroy you or your reputation. These are relationship destroyers – the people who can ruin your life and make you wish you’d never had children with them. So why do we get involved with them? Why does the brain say ‘yes’ to people who will make your life a living hell? It’s because we don’t have good dating radar and we don’t think we are so stupid that we’d fall into such a horrible relationship. Megan and Bill discuss the five high conflict personality types and how they behave in romantic relationships, including:
Caveat: Not everyone with these personality disorders has a high conflict personality, but some do. How can you tell? They are the blamers, and they’re no fun in relationships. Listen in as Megan and Bill start this four-part series on Dating Radar. Links & Other Notes BOOKS DATING RADAR TEST & SURVEY RESULTS ARTICLES Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 02 Jan 2025 | REBROADCAST: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life | 00:43:58 | |
Rebroadcast Alert: Our Most Popular Episode! Dive into the world of High Conflict Personalities (HCPs) and the five personality disorders that often fuel their behavior. In this groundbreaking episode from Season 1, Bill and Megan explore the common traits of HCPs, including blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors. Discover why traditional methods of interaction often fail with HCPs and gain valuable insights into managing these challenging relationships. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate high-conflict situations with greater understanding and effectiveness. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from our most popular episode and transform your approach to high-conflict personalities! REBROADCAST When an HCP also has a personality disorder... Personality disorder or not, people with a high conflict personality (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. With HCPs, the pattern of behavior often includes a lot of these four characteristics:
HCPs also seem to have personality disorders or some traits of these disorders. This means that they have long-term patterns of:
Mental health professionals have identified ten personality disorders. Five of these have a tendency to become HCPs: those with narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality disorders or traits. This helps us understand why they stay stuck in conflict – namely because of two reasons: they don’t reflect on their part of the problem, and they don’t change. So, the conflict continues or gets worse. Perhaps you know someone with this pattern. Someone who insists that you – or someone you know – is entirely to blame for a large or small (or non-existent) problem. If so, he or she may be an HCP and you likely have felt targeted by them and unsure what to do. In this episode, Bill and Megan give an overview of the five types and why the ways we interact with them don’t work, and why you can’t get them to reflect on themselves. Send us your stories! We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials. Please rate, review and share this show! Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 18 Apr 2024 | Bringing It to Life #1: Navigating High Conflict Mediation Part Two | 00:37:34 | |
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan continue their "Bringing It to Life" series with special guest Elaine Richardson, a solicitor and mediator from the UK. Continuing their conversation from the previous episode, they dive deep into the challenges of managing high conflict personalities in family law and mediation, offering practical strategies for professionals and individuals alike. Identifying High Conflict Personalities Navigating High Conflict Clients and Mediation Effective Communication Strategies Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode of It's All Your Fault offers invaluable insights for professionals and individuals navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in family law and mediation. Bill, Megan, and Elaine provide practical strategies and real-world examples that listeners can apply to their own situations, making this a must-listen episode for anyone seeking to manage high conflict interactions more effectively. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 18 May 2023 | Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy | 00:26:41 | |
In some high conflict cases, we may have reached the end of our rope and resort to what we see as our only option: threatening to expose the high conflict person’s bad behavior to others. Will this work or will it backfire? In today’s episode, Megan and Bill discuss this delicate and challenging topic, including:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 30 Mar 2023 | Narcissistic Co-Parents, Borderline Spouses, and Intimidating Behaviors | 00:26:07 | |
In this episode Megan and Bill answer listener questions:
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 11 Apr 2024 | Bringing It to Life #1: Navigating High Conflict Mediation & Poll Results | 00:46:38 | |
Poll Results, Case Studies, and Strategies: Navigating High Conflict Mediation In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan kick off a new periodic series called "Bring It to Life," where they dive into real-life case studies and provide practical strategies for navigating high conflict situations. They also share the results of recent polls on child custody and women in marriage. Joined by special guest Elaine Richardson, a family solicitor from the UK, Bill and Megan explore the challenges of mediating cases involving high conflict personalities. Revealing Poll Results and Introducing "Bring It to Life" Bill and Megan begin the episode by discussing the results of two recent polls conducted on their website. The first poll focuses on child custody, revealing insights into the perspectives of family law professionals and family members. The second poll explores the topic of women and marriage, shedding light on the experiences and opinions of their listeners. Following the poll results, Bill and Megan introduce their new series, "Bring It to Life," where they will examine real-life case studies to provide listeners with practical advice and strategies for handling high conflict situations. Navigating the Complexities of High Conflict Mediation In the first installment of "Bring It to Life," Bill and Megan, along with Elaine Richardson, delve into a specific case study involving a high conflict personality in mediation. They discuss the challenges posed by individuals who engage in manipulative behavior, cause delays, and create difficulties for mediators and legal professionals. By examining this real-life scenario, they offer valuable insights and techniques for preventing further delays and effectively managing high conflict personalities in mediation. The episode also explores the concept of hybrid mediation, with Elaine explaining how it differs from traditional family mediation in the UK. Bill and Megan highlight the benefits of having lawyers present during mediation sessions and emphasize the importance of maintaining confidentiality throughout the process. Recognizing and Addressing Bullying Behavior A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing projection and bullying behavior in high conflict cases. Bill and Megan share their expertise on recognizing these behaviors and provide strategies for negotiating with individuals who exhibit them. They stress the importance of understanding the spectrum of bullying behaviors, ranging from reputation smearing to more extreme cases of violence and destruction. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode of It's All Your Fault offers a wealth of information and practical advice for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in mediation or legal settings. By sharing poll results, introducing the "Bring It to Life" series, and discussing real-life case studies, Bill and Megan provide listeners with valuable insights and strategies to navigate these challenging situations effectively. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 13 Jan 2022 | Domestic Violence in Family Law: Part 2 | 00:48:32 | |
Domestic Violence Megan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part two of this conversation. Links & Other Notes THE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODE BIOS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXPERTS INTERVIEWED IN THE VIDEO
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 23 May 2024 | Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part One with Guest Amanda Smith | 00:34:27 | |
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Amanda Smith to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), continuing our Bringing It to Life series. They explore the common experiences of individuals with BPD, such as intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies. The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers valuable insights into understanding Borderline Personality Disorder, exploring effective treatment options, and discussing the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD. Listeners will gain knowledge and strategies for supporting their loved ones on the path to recovery. Links & Other Notes GUEST BOOKS COURSE
ORGANIZATIONS
ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 01 Feb 2024 | Setting Limits Without Going Over the Line | 00:28:48 | |
Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships. They provide tips across three common scenarios:
Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 14 Jul 2022 | What If I’m High Conflict? | 00:24:47 | |
Have you wondered if you are high conflict? If you have, you’re not alone.
Bill and Megan will discuss:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 13 Apr 2023 | Blamers Who Call CPS, Minimizing Contact with HCPS, and Quiet HCPs | 00:20:38 | |
More Listener Questions! In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on high-conflict topics that matter to you, including:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 06 Mar 2025 | Calm Before Think: Mastering Emotional Management in Professional Settings | 00:31:58 | |
Managing Workplace Emotions: From Reactivity to Resilience In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter is joined by Cherolyn Knapp, a workplace conflict expert from the High Conflict Institute. Together, they explore the crucial topic of emotional management in professional settings, offering practical strategies for leaders and employees to handle heightened emotions effectively. Cherolyn brings her extensive experience as a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator to provide valuable insights into managing difficult situations and maintaining professional relationships. Understanding Emotional Contagion The Power of Emotional Regulation Time Investment in Emotional Management Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides invaluable insights for anyone looking to improve their emotional management skills in professional settings. Whether you're a leader managing team dynamics or an employee navigating workplace relationships, the practical strategies and real-world examples offered by Megan and Cherolyn provide a comprehensive toolkit for maintaining emotional equilibrium in challenging situations. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 30 Jun 2022 | Q and A Lab: Paranoid Personalities | 00:35:45 | |
This Q &A Lab focuses on two questions about possible paranoid personality behaviors and high conflict behaviors, including:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS
COURSE Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 13 Mar 2025 | Big Emotions Explained: Understanding Emotion Dysregulation and BPD | 00:34:21 | |
Understanding Emotion Dysregulation and BPD In this enlightening episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore emotion dysregulation, particularly focusing on its connection to borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fresh from his New Zealand trip, Bill joins Megan to share expert insights into why some individuals experience intense emotional reactions and how this impacts relationships. The Brain-Emotion Connection Bill and Megan delve into the neurological aspects of emotion dysregulation, discussing how brain structure influences emotional responses. They explore research about brain development and its role in managing emotions, offering hope through evidence that therapeutic interventions can create positive changes. From Childhood Through Adolescence The discussion examines how genetic predisposition, early childhood experiences, and parent-child relationships shape emotional regulation abilities. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights for parents struggling to distinguish between typical teenage behavior and potentially concerning patterns, while exploring how media and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patterns. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides essential insights for parents, mental health professionals, and anyone seeking to understand emotional regulation better. Bill and Megan offer practical, science-based information while maintaining a compassionate perspective on managing big emotions. Links & Other Notes COACHING & CONSULTATION BOOKS
COURSES ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 22 Sep 2022 | Parental Alienation in Divorce with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, Part 2 | 00:45:02 | |
High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the second of a two-part episode with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker in our new High Conflict Divorce series, in which we interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world – attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators and those within the courts themselves. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and author of 9 books, including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex; The High-Conflict Custody Battle; and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome will talk with Bill and Megan about:
Links & Other Notes WEBSITES Dr. Baker’s Website New Ways for Families Turning Points for Families BOOKS Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome The High-Conflict Custody Battle OTHER Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan Books: all of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold. You can also find these show notes at our site. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 02 Jun 2022 | New Ways for Families | 00:38:22 | |
Parents divorcing in protracted battles. Crowded family court dockets. Kids who spend their childhood with nervous stomachs, anxiety, and a yearning for their parents to just get along. A typical high-conflict divorce and co-parenting situation. Most parents are able to work things out amicably but around 15-20% comprise the cases on the family court dockets. They are seemingly unable to resolve disputes and bring disputes to the court that others can work out themselves. What makes them different? And what works for them? Bill Eddy interviews Susie Rayner, GradDip FDRP, who is the New Ways Program Manager for the High Conflict Institute. Susie is visiting the U.S. for the Association of Family & Conciliation Courts conference from her homeland, Australia. Bill and Susie dive into the program that Bill created back in 2009 to help high conflict divorcing or separated parents—New Ways for Families®. It’s different from other co-parenting and divorce education courses because it focuses on teaching skills to handle conflict instead of lecturing about the do’s and don’ts of co-parenting. Listen in as Bill and Susie discuss New Ways for Families and how it helps parents get along and save lots of time, frustration and money; and how it helps the courts reduce their caseloads as the parents learn to make decisions without court. Links & Other Notes THE NEW WAYS FOR FAMILIES PROGRAM BOOKS ARTICLES
GUEST BIO Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 01 Sep 2022 | REBROADCAST: Using BIFF Responses | 00:39:29 | |
REBROADCAST In today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses. What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter of daily life, especially on social media or even more so when the communication is coming from someone with a high conflict personality. Do you need to respond? Much of hostile e-communication does not need a response. Letters from (ex-) spouses, angry neighbors, irritating co-workers, or attorneys do not usually have legal significance. The letter itself has no power, unless you give it power. Often, it is emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer’s anxiety. If you respond with similar emotions and hostility, you will simply escalate things without satisfaction, and just get a new piece of hostile mail back. In most cases, you are better off not responding. If you do have to respond, use a BIFF Response. Some letters and emails develop power when copies are filed in a court or complaint process – or simply get sent to other people. In these cases, it may be important to respond to inaccurate statements with accurate statements of fact. The best way to handle hostile communications from an HCP is with a BIFF Response. BIFF reminds you to be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm, assuming you need to respond. Links & Other Notes
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| 17 Mar 2022 | Putin’s Potential: Is Putin a Malignant Narcissist? Part 2 | 00:32:22 | |
Putin hasn’t stopped, as we predicted, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to stop. Is that because he’s backed into a corner? Because he’s trying to save face? Or because his malignant narcissism (yes, that means his narcissism grows over time) won’t allow him to stop? Bill and Megan continue their discussion about what has become one of the worst disasters not only in modern times but in all recorded history, driven by a man who is willing to do what 99.9999% of the rest of the world would never do. In our work we teach that high conflict people do things that 90% of other people would never do. In this case, it’s even more extreme. Although there are other malignant narcissists as political leaders across the globe, he’s the only one engaging in actions that 99.9999% of other people would never do. Listen as Bill and Megan discuss:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS
ARTICLES
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 04 Apr 2024 | Exploring the Path to Mediation: A Conversation with Sonja Wood | 00:34:18 | |
Welcome to another insightful discussion with Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome mediator Sonja Wood. Bill and Megan chat with Sonja about her fascinating journey from chemistry to mediation. Sonja discusses her experiences facing discrimination and a lack of conflict training in Europe that pushed her to study mediation. She shares navigating cultural differences working across countries and her transition to life in Texas. Bill and Megan are keen to learn how Sonja utilizes high conflict methods like BIFF in her work. Sonja reflects on encountering closed doors trying to address issues at her former company and deciding to gain conflict resolution skills instead. She took German mediation training before attaining Texas certification and specializing in civil and business mediation. Sonja values continuing education, most recently in positive psychology. Bill and Megan admire Sonja actively supporting mediation across the Lone Star State in volunteer work and through her Texas Association of Mediators chairship. Whether considering mediation or dealing with disputes yourself, tune in for valuable insight on constructive resolution from this esteemed guest. Sonja's perseverance achieving success across cultures proves issues are solvable when approached with understanding, like the high conflict methods advocated by the High Conflict Institute. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 30 May 2024 | Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part Two with Guest Amanda Smith | 00:21:16 | |
In the second part of their conversation with Amanda Smith, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by families of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They discuss the importance of education, self-care, and strategies for navigating high conflict situations. The Importance of Family Support and Self-Care Navigating Fear and Creating Safety Plans Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for families affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. Listeners will gain the tools necessary to support their loved ones while maintaining their own well-being. Links & Other Notes GUEST BOOKS COURSE
ORGANIZATIONS
ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 15 Feb 2024 | Red Flags in Teen Relationships: Understanding Relationship Violence, Part 2 | 00:35:56 | |
Navigating the Storm of Teen Relationships Understanding Teen Dating Violence Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
Why This Episode is a Must-Listen Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 31 Aug 2023 | REBROADCAST: 10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict Mediation with Guest Michael Lomax | 00:49:42 | |
Mediating high conflict disputes requires a shift from many standard mediation approaches. When one or more of the parties has a high conflict personality, the process should have more structure and focus away from common mediation topics, such as emotions, the past, and interests, and instead focus more strictly on problem-solving. By having the clients participate more actively in the process – and the mediator serve more as a guide for their active participation – they are more likely to reach their own agreements and follow them.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 13 Feb 2025 | Beyond the Mask: Understanding Psychopathy in Modern Society (Part 1) | 00:37:36 | |
Understanding Psychopathy: Costs, Characteristics, and Social Impact (Part 1) In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore psychopathy, its relationship to antisocial personality disorder, and its staggering $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system. Drawing from recent research and their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, Bill and Megan break down complex psychological concepts into practical, understandable terms. The Spectrum of Antisocial Behavior Understanding Psychopathy's Three Key Features Modern Diagnosis and Assessment Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This first episode in the two-part series provides invaluable insights for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on society. Whether you're a professional working with high conflict personalities or simply interested in understanding complex human behavior, Bill and Megan's expert analysis offers practical knowledge and protective strategies. Tune in next week for Part 2, which will explore genetics, causation, and additional dimensions of psychopathy. Links & Other Notes PSYCHOPATHY ARTICLE: THE MOVIE BILL BROUGHT UP AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS: BOOKS ARTICLES
OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 19 Dec 2024 | REBROADCAST: Co-Parenting by Design with Lawyers Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner | 00:48:47 | |
With the recent release of "Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents," we're excited to revisit our enlightening conversation with authors Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner. In this episode, Megan sits down with these experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators to discuss the challenges of co-parenting and share practical advice for navigating high-conflict situations. From understanding the role of parenting coordinators to adapting to change and prioritizing children's needs, this timely rebroadcast is packed with invaluable insights for divorced or separated parents at any stage of their co-parenting journey. REBROADCAST Navigating the Challenges of Co-Parenting: Insights from Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Megan is joined by two special guests, Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, co-authors of the upcoming book Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents. Annette and Nicole, both experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators, share their insights on navigating the complexities of co-parenting and offer practical advice for parents facing high conflict situations. Understanding the Role of Parenting Coordinators Megan, Annette, and Nicole delve into the crucial role of parenting coordinators in helping divorced or separated parents resolve disputes and maintain focus on their children's best interests. They discuss how parenting coordinators act as referees, mediators, and educators, assisting parents in making decisions on issues such as parenting schedules, school choice, and healthcare. Adapting to Change and Prioritizing Children's Needs The guests emphasize the importance of adaptability in co-parenting, as children's needs and circumstances evolve over time. They highlight the challenges parents face when adjusting to new situations, such as remarriage, relocation, and changes in parenting time. Annette and Nicole stress the significance of prioritizing children's well-being and maintaining consistency in parenting approaches whenever possible. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for divorced or separated parents facing the challenges of co-parenting. By learning from the expertise of Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, listeners can gain a deeper understanding of how to prioritize their children's well-being, adapt to change, and navigate high conflict situations. Co-Parenting by Design promises to be an essential resource for parents, lawyers, and judges alike, providing guidance and strategies for creating a healthier co-parenting dynamic. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 23 Dec 2021 | Holiday Conflict Reduction | 00:30:36 | |
What causes conflict? Differing ideas and opinions do, but most people can manage it, although extraordinary circumstances, time pressures and stress can click the conflict dial to max for just about anyone. But when you’re dealing with someone with a high conflict personality, you can expect the any gathering, especially holidays gatherings, to have some dramatic or even explosive situations. In the 2020-21 global pandemic, most people are on edge. Anxiety is high. Arguments over the efficacy of masks; whether vaccines will save you, harm you or kill you; lockdowns as a necessity or a loss of fundamental human rights. These are all important topics and impact almost everyone but only a fraction will end up shouting, slamming doors, ending conversations, throwing phones, and telling you that you’re wrong. It doesn't matter what the topic is, people with high conflict personalities will likely create some conflict around it. This episode focuses on how to handle the person who wants to discuss and debate over the dinner table. Bill Eddy will give his best tips for shutting those conversations down in an non-confrontational way that will save your sanity and keep the conflict low through the holidays. The second half of the episode deals with handling loneliness during the holidays, as many parents, grandparents and even kids spend them alone, isolated from the people they love. Whether a regular divorce keeps you from your kids, or a high conflict divorce with alienation has kept you from them for a long time — it’s hardest to cope during the holidays. Bill and Megan touch on these sensitive topics with some helpful information to help you through the holidays and beyond. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
ONLINE COURSE ARTICLES
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 26 Jan 2023 | Getting it Backwards in Family Court—Winners & Losers | 00:28:05 | |
Sometimes professionals in the legal system get it backwards. It’s frustrating and leaves people feeling helpless. Why can’t the judge see what the other party is doing? Why is my ex’s lawyer painting him/her out to be a hero, convincing everyone in the courtroom that I’m the bad parent? Do professionals get it backwards and believe the wrong person sometimes? Bill and Megan discuss this important topic, including:
Links & Other Notes
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 12 Jan 2023 | The New Elephant in the Room: Personality Disorders | 00:32:06 | |
Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:
Links & Other Notes
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 14 Dec 2023 | Falsely Blamed? How to Protect Yourself and Respond | 00:28:48 | |
Exploring Targets of Blame and How to Best Manage Them In this eye-opening episode, Bill and Megan define what it means to be a target of blame and how this manifests. They discuss tactics for minimizing your risk of becoming a target, as well as managing situations where false accusations spread. The hosts share perspective on correcting misinformation while avoiding escalation. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This insightful episode equips listeners with strategies for protecting themselves when unfairly blamed. Bill and Megan deliver compassionate perspective that can help anyone managing a high conflict situation. Their guidance empowers us to respond thoughtfully when targeted. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 02 Nov 2023 | When Grandkids Get Caught in High Conflict | 00:24:21 | |
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle questions from grandparents struggling to support grandchildren amidst high conflict co-parents.
First, they advise how grandparents can help shield kids from a raging, unstable parent. Recommendations include teaching emotional regulation, self-checking, and conflict management skills. Stay positive about the high conflict parent.
Next is guidance for co-parenting long-term with a high conflict, accusatory ex. Bill emphasizes staying calm, balanced, and solution-focused. Praise successes. Accept the limitations on your role as a grandparent.
Then Bill explains why expert testimony is critical for custody cases with a parent with tendencies like factitious disorder or personality disorders. Experts can explain the need for detailed custody orders.
Finally, they discuss how to minimize damage as kids mature and become more aware of a high conflict parent’s extreme behaviors. Expose kids to reasonable role models and encourage their insights.
The key is accepting your limited role as a grandparent, focusing on your own behavior, and providing a stabilizing presence for grandchildren. Get support from other grandparents going through similar challenges.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 09 May 2024 | Bringing It to Life #4: Dealing with High Conflict Personalities in Academia | 00:29:58 | |
Surviving Academia: Navigating High Conflict Personalities in Higher Education In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," the fourth installment of the Bringing It to Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle the unique challenges of dealing with high conflict individuals in academia. Drawing from a listener's question about a bullying boss in a university setting, Bill and Megan explore the dynamics of toxic work environments in higher education and provide strategies for navigating these treacherous waters. The Ivory Tower's Dirty Secret: High Conflict Personalities in Academia Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of high conflict personalities in academia, noting that the tolerant and helping nature of the industry can attract and enable difficult individuals. They highlight the specific challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors, as well as the emotional toll this takes on colleagues and the institution as a whole. Navigating the Minefield: Strategies for Dealing with High Conflict Colleagues in Higher Education Bill introduces the CARS method – Connect, Analyze options, Respond, and Set limits – as a framework for managing interactions with high conflict individuals in academic settings. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, providing useful information without arguing, and imposing consequences when necessary, while acknowledging the limitations of individual action in the face of institutional tolerance. The Delicate Dance of Leaving a Toxic Academic Environment Bill and Megan address the challenges of leaving an academic position due to a high conflict colleague, particularly in the context of an exit interview. They discuss the potential risks of speaking openly about the reasons for departure, the judgment calls involved in deciding what to share, and the importance of securing another position before leaving. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone navigating the complex world of high conflict personalities in academia. By understanding the unique dynamics at play in higher education and employing the techniques discussed by Bill and Megan, listeners can better protect themselves and their careers while working in this challenging environment. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 31 Mar 2022 | High Conflict Certification for the Workplace | 00:28:41 | |
High conflict situations in the workplace are increasing as workers return to the office. Global anxiety is higher than normal, and for those who may have a high conflict personality, the conflict may become even more unrestrained. In this episode, Megan and Bill introduce a new initiative undertaken by the High Conflict Institute to help organizations and companies deal with high conflict situations, high conflict employees/stakeholders/boards, or just about anyone. They discuss the need for advanced high conflict training and why it’s beneficial for entire organizations to learn the necessary skills to unite and and reduce conflict. They discuss this new initiative, the Conflict Influencer™ Certification program in detail, in this and the next episode. Links & Other Notes CONFLICT INFLUENCER™ CERTIFICATION COURSE BOOKS ARTICLES Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 16 Feb 2023 | 10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict Mediation with Guest Michael Lomax | 00:49:42 | |
Mediating high conflict disputes requires a shift from many standard mediation approaches. When one or more of the parties has a high conflict personality, the process should have more structure and focus away from common mediation topics, such as emotions, the past, and interests, and instead focus more strictly on problem-solving. By having the clients participate more actively in the process – and the mediator serve more as a guide for their active participation – they are more likely to reach their own agreements and follow them.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 07 Jul 2022 | Can People with High Conflict Personalities Change? | 00:29:16 | |
As we know, change is hard for everyone, but if you’ve had a high conflict individual in your life, you know that change for them is seemingly impossible. Our minds tell us that they’re doing it on purpose or at least partially so; and that they can change if they’d just choose that route. But is that a reality? If we start with the premise that people with high conflict personalities don’t even know they have such a thing, why would change? In this episode, Bill and Megan talk about:
NOTE: We are not diagnosing or labeling anyone and neither should anyone listening to this podcast. Instead, we focus on what to do to help. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
ARTICLES Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 26 May 2022 | A High Conflict Divorce with a (rare) Successful Outcome | 00:41:02 | |
High conflict divorce is one the hardest trials one can go through. It’s so hard on parents and on their children. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it looks like from the inside, from someone who has been through it and come out the other side with good outcomes, listen to this episode featuring Bill and Megan’s guest, Shannon Jenkins from the podcast Starting Over with Shannon. After hearing a bit of Shannon’s story, Bill and Megan will talk with her about:
Links & Other Notes BOOKS ARTICLES
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today! | |||
| 04 May 2023 | Narcissists Who Endanger Their Countries | 00:28:57 | |
Who can you trust with national security documents? An article by Tom Nicholas in The Atlantic titled The Narcissists Who Endanger America points the finger at narcissists as those who are the hardest for the U.S. national security community to spot. Why are they hard to spot? How can you know in advance? In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss this difficult topic that impacts countries globally. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 21 Nov 2024 | Family Court Q&A: Parental Alienation, Abuse Claims, and When to Stop Fighting | 00:32:43 | |
Tackling Listener Questions on High Conflict Personalities in Family Law In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address questions from two listeners about high conflict personalities in family law. They dive into the complexities of parental alienation, domestic violence allegations, and when to stop fighting in court. Listener Question 1: Understanding Parental Alienation and Estrangement The first listener asks about the confusion surrounding parental alienation. Bill defines key terms: "refuse and resist," parental alienation, and realistic estrangement. He explains the differences between alienation caused by one parent's behavior and estrangement resulting from a parent's own actions, such as domestic violence or child abuse. Listener Question 2: When to Stop Fighting in Court The second listener, from Australia, asks when to give up the fight with a high conflict ex-partner who continues to violate court orders. Bill and Megan address the issue of "legal abuse" and the limitations of the court system in handling these situations effectively. Questions We Answer in This Episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating high conflict personalities in family law. Bill and Megan offer a balanced perspective, emphasizing the need for an open mind and case-by-case analysis. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 25 May 2023 | The New Ways for Families Program | 00:13:09 | |
Bill and Megan are off to Scotland to talk about their New Ways for Families Program. Scotland will be the first country that implements the High Conflict Institute’s program countrywide, which is very exciting. In this abbreviated episode, Bill walks through the program’s approach and its methods. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 10 Mar 2022 | Is Putin a Malignant Narcissist? If So, Can We Predict His Future Actions? | 00:32:37 | |
Putin’s attack on Ukraine. Why is he doing it? What drives him to act with such ferocity to destroy a county, innocent civilians, children? In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss whether Putin is a malignant narcissist, what that means, and whether his future actions can be predicted with this knowledge. To get insight into this personality type and how it manifests in Putin’s framework, listen in as Bill and Megan discuss The Heart of Man: Its Genius for Good and Evil by Erich Fromm wherein Fromm explains malignant narcissism in leaders, along with these important notes:
This is one of our most important episodes — one that everyone should hear to gain an understanding of the realities of what the world is dealing with and what, if anything, can be done to stop him. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
ARTICLES
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 14 Nov 2024 | Paranoid Personality Profiles: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 7) | 00:37:46 | |
Paranoid High Conflict Personalities: Navigating Mistrust and Suspicion In the final episode of their "Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, Bill and Megan explore the world of paranoid high conflict personalities. They offer insights on identifying and managing these challenging relationships, explaining that individuals with paranoid traits exhibit pervasive mistrust and suspicion, often believing others are conspiring against them. Bill and Megan provide strategies for dealing with paranoid high conflict personalities, such as clear communication, setting boundaries, and seeking support. They also discuss the impact of technology and social media on paranoid thinking. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
As the conclusion to the "Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, this episode empowers listeners to navigate challenging interactions with paranoid high conflict personalities, providing practical strategies and a deeper understanding of this personality type. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
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| 03 Oct 2024 | The High-Conflict Borderline Personality: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 3) | 00:36:47 | |
The Love You Hate You Types - High Conflict Borderline Personalities In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the world of high conflict borderline personality types, also known as the "Love You Hate You" types. They provide insights and strategies for dealing with these challenging individuals who can quickly turn from charming to rage-filled. Understanding the High Conflict Borderline Personality Bill and Megan discuss the defining characteristics of individuals with high conflict borderline personality, including their struggle with emotional regulation and tendency to see people in all-or-nothing terms. They note that while not all individuals with borderline personality disorder have a high conflict personality, more than half of them do, making it a significant concern in interpersonal relationships. Navigating Relationships and Key Takeaways The hosts provide examples of how high conflict borderline personalities may behave in various settings and discuss the concept of "splitting" and the propensity for lying and seeking revenge. They offer key takeaways, such as setting boundaries and the possibility of treatment and recovery for those affected. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides valuable information and insights for anyone dealing with a high conflict borderline personality in their life, offering strategies for managing these challenging relationships and maintaining well-being. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 10 Apr 2025 | DNA Surprises & Family Secrets: Managing Genetic Identity Discoveries with Kara Rubenstein Deyerin | 00:46:35 | |
DNA Surprises: Navigating Complex Family Discoveries and High Conflict Situations In this compelling episode, Bill and Megan welcome Kara Rubenstein Deyerin, founder of Right to Know, to explore how DNA testing revelations can trigger high conflict situations within families. After discovering her own misattributed parentage through a DNA test, Kara became an advocate for genetic identity rights and established resources for helping families navigate these potentially volatile situations. The conversation examines how DNA surprises often intersect with high conflict personalities and complex family dynamics. Bill and Megan explore ways to manage expectations and set healthy boundaries when genetics reveal unexpected connections. Studies show approximately 10% of the population may have misattributed parentage, creating numerous opportunities for both healing and conflict within family systems. Through personal stories and professional insights, the episode addresses strategies for handling emotional reactions, rejection, and complex family dynamics. The discussion covers various scenarios—from adoption and donor conception to cases of misattributed paternity—while offering practical guidance for managing high conflict responses and maintaining emotional well-being during these discoveries. Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode offers valuable insights for anyone affected by unexpected genetic discoveries while providing practical strategies for managing high conflict responses. Through compassionate discussion and expert guidance, listeners will better understand how to navigate these complex family situations while maintaining their emotional health and establishing appropriate boundaries. Links & Other Notes RIGHT TO KNOW WEBSITE UNTANGLING YOUR ROOTS CONFERENCE CLASSES BOOKS ARTICLES OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 18 Jul 2024 | REBROADCAST: Walking Away | 00:28:10 | |
This is a rebroadcast. This episode originally aired August 3, 2023. Some relationships with high conflict people reach a point where the only one getting frustrated and hurt is YOU. It is okay to walk away? Are some relationships so damaging that staying in them is damaging to you? Will the guilt draw you back under their spell? Will it trigger abandonment, inferiority, or other issues in the person with a high conflict personality, and possibly backfire on you? Bill and Megan discuss this tricky topic in relation to family, friend and other relationships. How do you know when the time is right? Should you continue trying to reconcile or just stop? And what steps should be taken if you choose to walk away? Listen in as Megan and Bill explore this sensitive, critical subject. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 23 Mar 2023 | The Alex Murdaugh Con and How to Avoid Being Conned | 00:39:04 | |
Alex Murdaugh conned a lot of people in his rural community, in his professional circles, and even within his family. He gained the confidence of those around him with his lies, charm, influence, and financial status. Sadly, many were impacted, including the most vulnerable – his clients. In this episode, Megan and Bill discuss how Alex conned and how to avoid being conned. They cover:
Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 10 Nov 2022 | Transforming Inmates into Peacemakers, with Guest Doug Noll: Part 1 | 00:32:35 | |
“From Serving Life to a Life of Service.” This is the motto of the Prison of Peace program created by Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer, two lawyers with big hearts from California. Through Prison of Peace, incarcerated individuals are led through intensive workshops as they progress through the various program levels from Peacemaker to Certified Trainer, mastering the art of communication and conflict resolution, enabling them to create safer, more peaceful lives for themselves and others, in prison and beyond. In today’s episode, the first of a two-parter, Bill and Megan are joined by Doug Noll who will talk about the transformative Prison of Peace program. They discuss:
Listen in as Doug talks about “Listening people into existence” in this first episode of two.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 12 Dec 2024 | REBROADCAST: Holiday Harmony: Keeping The Peace at Family Celebrations | 00:18:00 | |
As we approach the holiday season, we thought it would be the perfect time to revisit one of our most popular episodes from last year. In the spirit of the season, we're rebroadcasting our timely discussion on maintaining harmony and peace during holiday gatherings. Whether you're hosting or attending a get-together with family and friends, the tips and insights shared by Bill and Megan from the High Conflict Institute are as relevant as ever. So, sit back, relax, and join us as we explore effective strategies for avoiding and defusing conflicts, ensuring that your holiday celebrations are filled with joy, connection, and understanding. Happy holidays! REBROADCAST Keeping the Peace This Holiday Season In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere. Avoiding Hot-Button Topics Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment. Defusing Tensions Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges. Why It Matters Questions we answer:
Key Takeaways:
This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
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| 16 Dec 2021 | Living on the Edge: Borderline High Conflict People | 00:49:08 | |
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is an often misunderstood and unfairly maligned mental health issue. Years of misinformation on the Internet, filled with scary details or an impossible life cast a dark shadow. Unfortunately, those who struggle with it would be helped if more people understood what it is and how to help. Many with BPD tend to isolate, but those who also blame may have a borderline high conflict personality. What is it like on the other side of the relationship? What do you do when faced with explosive rage? How do you handle the mood swings and need for constant attachment? What do you do when someone you love seems beyond help? Or how do you help your client in the best way when it seems they sabotage their own case? This type of personality is driven by a fear of being abandoned, so the rules of their operating system direct them to try to remain connected with the people closest to them. Once their fear button is triggered, whether perceived or real (it feels very real to them), their mood can take a wild swing, which is when high conflict behaviors surface: blame, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged intense emotions and extreme behaviors. Sadly, this can drive people away, unless you develop some skills to help you manage the relationship. Without diagnosing or labeling, Bill and Megan discuss the borderline high conflict personality type, including:
There’s a gift side to every person, including those with a borderline high conflict personality, but becoming aware and educated are keys to helping them and helping yourself. In this episode, we explore the borderline high conflict personality — the final in the ‘five types of people’ series. In the previous four episodes we talked about Narcissistic, Antisocial, Paranoid, and Histrionic HCPs (high conflict people). Listen in as Bill and Megan explore the basics of this personality type. You will likely learn something new, gain some insight and a few basic tips on managing relationships with them that benefit everyone. Links & Other Notes BOOKS
ARTICLES
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 06 Oct 2022 | When to Stop Trying with Someone with a High Conflict Personality | 00:23:51 | |
Interactions and life with someone with a high conflict personality can be trying. Some will keep trying until they’re completely burned out while others give up quickly. How can you know when to stop trying? Is it when you find yourself in depression? Banging your head on the wall out of frustration? Over-reacting outside your norm? When you feel like giving up, giving in, or lashing out? In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss the options that each individual can explore when encountering these types of interactions and relationships.
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 15 Dec 2022 | How Brainwashing Works on a Child’s Brain | 00:36:30 | |
Did you know if brainwashing of a child is real in divorce and/or co-parenting? In parental alienation (child alienation), families are divided but is brainwashing behind it? A part of it? Or not at all? In today’s episode, Megan interviews Bill about his latest findings on this topic, which is one of the most challenging and painful life experiences that families go through. They will discuss:
Links & Other Notes
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bill and Megan All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books. You can also find these show notes at our site as well. Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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| 07 Oct 2021 | Welcome to It’s All Your Fault! | 00:02:13 | |
Welcome to It’s All Your Fault, the show about dealing with the High Conflict People in your life. The first episode drops in two weeks so subscribe now so you don’t miss any episode when they release! Episodes drop every Thursday during the season. We’ll be talking about all aspects of dealing with HCPs in your life, and we welcome questions! Please submit questions at our site using the link below. We just may be answering your question in an upcoming episode. Links & Other Notes
You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.
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| 04 Nov 2021 | HCPs in the Workplace & Using BIFF at Work | 00:36:14 | |
We’re looking at HCPs in the workplace and how to use BIFF at work. A narcissistic boss. Have you had one? It’s pretty common, so you’re lucky if you haven’t experienced the dread of waking every morning knowing you must face your boss for the next eight hours. Condescending comments and zingers. Out-of-control narcissistic rage from a narcissistic injury. Storming off to HR, their manager, the CEO — anywhere they go to let out their frustrations — which are many. It seems there’s always a dilemma, which obviously is a major time suck. What’s behind this? And what can be done to manage it? Is termination the only option for a high conflict employee? Or do you just remain in misery? Should you quit or should you stay? Knowing how challenging it can be to handle a narcissistic supervisor, manager, or boss of any kind, Bill and Megan talk about the driving forces behind this high conflict personality type and discuss some specific tips for managing the HCP instead of letting them make you miserable. The good news: it is possible to turn things around using the right skills. Your life gets easier if you use these when dealing with a hostile boss, an undermining co-worker, a disruptive team member or any high conflict situation. Bill and Megan also discuss their thoughts on media observations about whether Steve Jobs from Apple was a high conflict personality, as well as Elizabeth Holmes, who is currently standing trial in federal court for her alleged misdeeds as CEO of Theranos. If you’re in a situation with a Narcissistic HCP at work, try one of these communication tools: an EAR Statement™ or BIFF Response®. Empathy • Attention • Respect: an EAR Statement is all you need to remember when communicating verbally with a Narcissistic HCP. We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials. Please rate, review and share this show! Links & Other Notes
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.
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| 12 Sep 2024 | The High Conflict Personality Experience: Insights from Joe Rogan and Dr. Andrew Huberman | 00:36:21 | |
Joe Rogan and Dr. Andrew Huberman Discuss "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan discuss a recent Joe Rogan Experience podcast episode featuring Dr. Andrew Huberman. The episode, number 2195, focuses on Bill's book, "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," and delves into the topic of high conflict personalities and how they impact our lives. The High Conflict Personality: Understanding the 10% Detecting Lies and Manipulation: A Challenging Task Gender Differences in High Conflict Personalities Questions we answer in this episode:
Key Takeaways:
This episode provides invaluable insights into high conflict personalities and how they impact our lives. By understanding the different types of high conflict personalities and their prevalence, listeners can better navigate difficult relationships and protect themselves from manipulation and harm. Links & Other Notes
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
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