Intimate Judaism (Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn)

Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss causes and solutions.

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Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women  stop being critical and demanding of their husbands, respect and trust them, and regularly engage in self-care and “be vulnerable.”   

Many would consider this to be sound advice, and Doyle’s devotees on social media have reported that their marriages underwent a complete transformation after reading the book and applying its principles. In some Orthodox circles, the book’s principles are considered to be in line with Jewish values. Yet, the book, which advises women to relinquish control of all finances to their husbands, refrain from negative comments,  and “pretend to believe in him even when you don’t” has triggered very negative reactions, and concern that these potentially disempowering  messages can leave women vulnerable to abuse. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a discussion of this book in the context of healthy marital dynamics.

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The Netflix series “Unorthodox” portrays the journey of Esty, a young Satmar Chasidic woman who ultimately leaves her marriage and her community to live a secular life in Berlin. Her marital life with her husband, Yanky, and in particular, their dysfunctional sexual relationship, is fraught with conflict and unhealthy intervention of others. Moreover, Esty is seen as having little autonomy over her body or entitlement to withhold sexual consent.
We invited a panel of experts to discuss some of the topics raised by this series, including sexual autonomy and agency vs. obligation, vaginismus and unconsummated marriage and the state of sexual education in Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox communities.
Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they interview Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, Yehudis Fletcher, and Diana Melnick in this fascinating and important panel discussion.

What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age?  Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest?   What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws?  Listen to Rabbi Scott interview Talli as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about sex in midlife and beyond.

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.

During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary “Night of Tears” refers to the night that some yeshiva boys and seminary girls are encouraged to end their boyfriend/girlfriend relationships for the greater good of full time Torah study. On the other hand, the phenomenon of clubbing, drinking, and hooking up is real. Are our educational institutions teaching agency and self-control, or fear and self-loathing? What are the consequences of negative messaging about sex? How can we educate religious kids to navigate intimate relationships with respect for boundaries, and with consent and safety, while simultaneously emphasizing halacha and Jewish values? Finally, in light of a recent incident of rape reported at YU, how do we keep our institutions safe? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for this difficult but necessary discussion.

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In this month’s  episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and sexual reproduction, when you are angry at God, when babies destroy your sex life and much more. Join here for the full podcast episode.

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Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person's sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt. When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose? How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt? Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to create a sense of empowerment? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they tackle these and other timely questions.

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Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions one makes in life. Yet the process of dating, building a relationship and deciding to marry requires time and good relational skills. Listen as Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss dating and getting engaged.

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond.
However, whether due to the “shidduch crisis," rising divorce rates, or other circumstances, our communities include many individuals who haven’t married, or are widowed or divorced. What are the experiences of singles in attempting to navigate a normal, healthy drive for connection and intimacy with the halachic and communal expectations of sexual abstinence?
Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a frank discussion about singles and sexuality.

Intimate Judaism's recent ZOOM live panel (https://www.intimatejudaism.com/unorthodox-intimacy-and-authenticity-how-accurate-is-the-netflix-series-portrayal-of-chasidic-intimacy-episode-21/) aroused a great deal of interest and discussion. Many of our listeners wrote in describing their experiences, and in this bonus episode, Brooklyn trauma therapist Chaya Feuerman relates how the messages she received from her own kallah teacher shaped her negative beliefs about sexuality.

Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss premarital sexual education, wedding night anxiety, what to do about painful sex, and the tension between maintaining cultural sensitivity while promoting sexual health and autonomy.

Almost all parents try to raise their children in a manner that both reflects the parents' moral values, and gives children the necessary tools so that they lead fulfilling and emotionally healthy lives. This is certainly true in the Halachic community, which must balance the messages children hear from the ourside world with the Torah values they are taught at home and in school. How can we achieve this balance so that our kids learn to respect the Halachic attitudes toward sex, while also growing into sexually healthy adults? Is there a way to use media in order to educate? How does our use of language convey appropriate or inappropriate messages? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating discussion about this important topic.

In his recent analysis of the “#MeToo earthquake,” Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America’s director of public affairs, bemoans the “supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women,” and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is “relatively rare” in a society guided by Jewish law, where modesty and strict boundaries on gender interaction provide a carefully controlled environment, and women are valued and respected rather than objectified.

In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss Rabbi Shafran’s premise and his conclusion. While acknowledging the socio-cultural contrasts, they question the value of this self-idealization;  though the mechanisms of abuse of power and authority may look different, objectification and victimization exist across cultures, and Orthodox Judaism is no exception. During the second half of the show, they are joined by Dr. Rachel Yehuda, an expert on trauma, who led a team of researchers who demonstrated that sexual abuse is indeed not a rare phenomenon in Orthodox society.

Reproductive health is relevant to all couples in their childbearing years. Family planning, fertility interventions, and the use of contraception are guided by values and Halachic considerations, and involve several other factors including financial concerns, personal and professional goals, desired family size, and relationship stability. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in the first of a two-part series on reproductive health and Halacha.

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In this episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn blend Jewish wisdom with modern psychology to explore marital doubt, intimacy challenges, and when to stay or go. Tune in for practical insights on transforming even the most challenging relationships.

Preparing our children so that they grow up to be healthy, independent, and happy adults requires giving them the right messages at all stages of their development. What is the connection between growing up in a safe and secure environment, and the ability to experience pleasure in the context of marital intimacy? Why is it necessary to avoid judging our children, even when we disagree with their decisions? What do we mean when we try to teach them about intimacy? And how can our relationship with G-d serve as a model for intimacy with a spouse? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating and timely discussion about these important issues.

The infamous “Sex Strike” was recently spearheaded by influencer Adina Miles, AKA “Flatbush Girl,”  in order to apply communal pressure to men and their rabbis to free Malky Berkowitz, who has been refused a get for four years. This initiative has created a great deal of outrage in Jewish Orthodox communities, and the “responsa” on social media platforms has been passionate and robust. Some have expressed concern that withholding sex, even for one night, is liable to destroy more marriages. Others see the outrage as the problem, and point out the lack of such fury over get refusal.  Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss the desperate need for immediate solutions to prevent and free agunot, as well as the drawbacks of this form of protest.

Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviors. These messages, according to Rabbanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualize women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexual beings while female sexuality is ignored. Rabbanit Mevorach, who studies sexuality and culture, presents an alternate approach to teaching modesty to young women in their teenage and young adult years. She also discusses what Jewish law has to say about female masturbation.

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When there are desire discrepancies between couples, women are often identified as the partner with less sexual desire. Yet the experience of desire may be different for men and women, and the expectation that desire should be equally matched can create feelings of frustration and rejection. The right question may not be “Why doesn’t she want?” but rather, "What does she want and how does she want it?" In this episode we discuss the fluidity of female desire, how biological and hormonal factors play a role, the differences between spontaneous and responsive desire, and the difference between cognitive motivation and biological drive.

In our latest Q&A episode, Talli and Scott address some of the many questions submitted by listeners regarding Judaism and intimacy. Among the issues they discuss are repairing sexuality after 15 years of “doing it wrong,” consensual threesomes, sex therapy versus couples therapy, when a wife wants sex more than her husband, tubal ligation, looking at porn to get in the mood, and much more.

To watch Talli's webinar on Relationship Renewal, Commitment, & Forgiveness in Elul, click here.

Visit IntimateJudaism.com for the full podcast archive, shownotes, a free men's mikvah checklist, and more.

Not since Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof has there been a matchmaker as famous as Aleeza Ben Shalom! Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a rollicking discussion with the colorful, engaging and entertaining host of “Jewish Matchmaking.”

What happens when couples disagree over religious observance? When one spouse decides that he or she no longer wants to be observant? Is there a way to reach an understanding? Join Talli and Scott as we discuss these issues on the season finale of Intimate Judaism!

Losing one’s spouse is one of life’s most difficult and painful experiences. The process of grieving includes feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. While grieving the loss of a spouse, one also mourns the loss of identity as a member of an intimate partnership and acceptance of a new identity as a widow/er. Well-intentioned friends and family members may urge those who have lost a spouse to “move on,” while others may pass judgment when they begin to date or find a new partner. We are grateful to Marc Tobin and Jodi Wachspress, both of whom lost their partners to cancer, for sharing their experiences in finding new relationships and providing inspiration to those who have lost their spouses to love again.

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage? Join Talli and Scott for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions.

In last month's episode, we discussed many of the physical, psychological and social factors that can contribute to sexual desire discrepancy in couples. This month, we are taking a deep dive in to the role of emotional intimacy, attachment styles and relational dynamics on desire. Joining us is expert Dr. Laurie Watson, sex therapist, author, and co-host of the popular Foreplay Radio podcast.

Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy.  Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents. Observant Jewish couples are additionally affected by laws that restrict touch during childbirth and in the postpartum period. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss how pregnancy and childbirth as well as restrictions on physical touch, can affect relational intimacy and sexuality.

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The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. But many listeners had further questions about sexual functioning in men -particularly with regard to "performance anxiety" - and asked us to discuss the topic in more detail.
Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in this bonus episode, as they discuss the factors that can contribute to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, and how religious and social pressure can contribute to these conditions.

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A podcast hosted by an Orthodox comedian recently featured a controversial interview with a child sex offender.  In response, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum created a panel to discuss whether there are potential benefits to learning more about people who struggle with attraction to minors and do not offend, as well as those who do. (This episode contains explicit material regarding sexual abuse that some readers may find disturbing.)

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If you are on the autism spectrum, or know or suspect your spouse may be, intimacy and communication may present challenges. In this episode, Talli and Rabbi Scott speak with Tzippora Price, an expert on neurodivergent couples, to learn more. They identify some of the behaviors associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder, as well as some challenges that may occur when one spouse is neurodivergent (and whether these problems can likely be avoided if both spouses have ASD). They also address  problems unique to Orthodox Jews on the spectrum, how these issues affect a couple’s sex life, and some mechanisms for overcoming these challenges.

Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. For most observant Jewish couples, these decisions are also informed by Jewish law.
In the second episode of our two-part series on reproductive health and halacha, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum speak with gynecologist Dr. Elissa Hellman, also known as “The Confident Kallah” about the various methods available to couples, their impact on sex, their impact on the laws of niddah, and their halachic permissibility.

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In our annual Q&A episode, Talli and Scott answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then... you're not, finding porn on your husband's intenet history, coping with changes in libido, defining Jewish sex, the halachic attitude towards using a condom, and more. We appreciate your many questions, and encourage you to continue being in contact with us.

The 15th  of Av , also known as Tu B’Av, is a minor Jewish festival which in modern day Israel is celebrated as a holiday of romantic love, not unlike Valentine’s Day.  In this mini bonus episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the Mishnaic origins of this day, and compare ancient and modern day beliefs about love.

To purchase I Am For My Beloved: A Guide To Enhanced Intimacy For Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, go to http://www.urimpublications.com/i-am-for-my-beloved-a-guide-to-enhanced-intimacy-for-married-couples.html. For the Hebrew version, go to http://www.urimpublications.com/ani-ledodi-hebrew-edition.html.

Books will be discounted to $12.50 each with the promo code BELOVEDPROMO through August 7, 2023, so order your copy today!

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The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritual health. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss the six principles of sexual health, and how they conflict with or align with Jewish values.

To register for the webinar referenced in the podcast, go to https://webinars.tallirosenbaum.com/workshops/Apsychotherapeutic/login.

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Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishing control and getting lost in the moment” can be terrifying. Rather than associate physical intimacy with pleasure and connection, sex can trigger feelings of shame, disgust, aversion, and pain.

Healing from sexual abuse in order to experience emotional and physical intimacy in a healthy way can be a long and difficult process. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they speak candidly about this difficult reality.

Please go to https://www.intimatejudaism.com/ for shownotes, including resources like a list of organizations that help survivors of sexual abuse, and a book list.

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Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the other hand, acknowledge the power of the male sexual drive, but require men to direct this drive exclusively towards marital relations. The expectation to live up to contemporary societal expectations of masculinity, to struggle with forbidden sexual arousal, yet be commanded when appropriate to perform sexually with one’s wife, may contribute to feelings of confusion, frustration, and anxiety.

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they lead a panel discussion about male sexuality. They discuss the love/lust split, sex outside of marriage among religious men, mindfulness for the treatment of sexual performance anxiety, creating meaningful and enjoyable sex within marriage, and much more.

According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who identify as non-binary or transgender find welcoming places, literally and figuratively, in Orthodox society? In this month’s episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak with Rebitzen and social worker Daniela Weiss-Bronstein, about this important topic.

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Are sexual relations in Jewish marriage mandatory? Can either partner demand sexual relations at any time? How do we reconcile that concept with the understanding that autonomy and mutual consent are core values of sexual and marital health?
Stay tuned for this episode of Intimate Judaism when Talli Y. Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss the sources.

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship.  For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to “perform successfully.”

How do couples negotiate the transition from abstinence to full sexual intercourse?  What happens when one partner is not ready or is hesitant, anxious or afraid? Is wedding night sex an Halachic obligation and if so, how can it be fully consensual? 

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with religious life. In this bonus episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum speak candidly with Rav Benny about reconciling religious and homosexual or transgender identities, and how to promote greater acceptance and inclusion of LGBTQ individuals and couples in Orthodox communities.

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Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexual experience.

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Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy. Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejaculates, he loses some aspects of his vitality, or life force, and Taoist practices include learning to delay ejaculation, thereby increasing energy as well as enhancing the sexual experience. While these practices have pagan origins and sound antithetical to our tradition, Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer, tantric and taoist religious sex instructors from Zfat, say "When you see wisdom amongst the nations, you may believe it," and describe how they merge these practices with a Jewish approach to sex and intimacy. Join this exciting episode as the Schumers speak with Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum.

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Visit Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer's website at http://kelimshloovim.co.il/.

Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflicts around non-marital physical touch. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a discussion meant to encourage compassion to self and other, inclusion and hope.

Check out https://www.intimatejudaism.com/ for the full podcast archive, show notes, and more. 

And watch Talli and Scott's conversation on the Intimate Judaism YouTube channel.

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The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner of Elite World Group, the world’s largest modeling network.

As most of you probably know, the reason that her story is different from others is that Julia was an Orthodox Jew named Talia Hendler living in Monsey. She had once been a passionate teacher of Torah in an Orthodox high school in Atlanta. About eight years ago, she left her husband and Orthodoxy itself, just days after her daughter’s wedding. Her astounding rise took place entirely in the past eight years.

Orthodox Jews have had varied reactions to the series, from complete rejection of Julia’s honesty and experience, to countering her story of oppression with stories of loving being Orthodox under the hashtag #Myorthodoxlife, to accepting and celebrating Julia’s journey.

In this bonus Intimate Judaism episode (co-produced with the Orthodox Conundrum), Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum are joined by Anne Gordon and Shoshanna Keast-Jaskoll for a panel discussion about My Unorthodox Life. Hear their reactions to the series - including what they feel about Julia's relationships with her family, whether men have a right to discuss Julia's story, the implications of her story for Orthodoxy, and more.

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Intimate Judaism's most recent episode, ‘Shomer Negiah: Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Values," generated plenty of comments, discussion, and disagreement. In this bonus episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address listener comments, and expand on the differences between guilt and shame, whether a person "has to" consult a rabbi before making a Halachic decision, the consequences of non-Halachic sexual activity and more.

According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig,  founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.”  War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces, rather than increases, potential harm. Listen to the premiere episode of Season 7 of Intimate Judaism as Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss mental health, intimacy and Halacha with our guest, Rav Yoni Rosensweig.

In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch and Joshua Brook.

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more, including a Q and A dropping this week. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.

Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha - the laws of family purity - keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple's sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it's not. Some couples find that Taharat HaMishpacha adds a tremendous strain to their relationship. Are there solutions within Halacha? What should a couple in this situation do? Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak with Yoatzot Halacha Nechama Goldman Barash and Atara Eis to discover how they confront these issues, and whether couples can find reasonable solutions that allow them to follow Jewish law without straining their marriage.

The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not just as part of premarital education after they have become engaged. In this episode, we discuss the importance of normalizing and addressing issues of sexuality for single women.

In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night “success” and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to "guarantee" sexual satisfaction. 

Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble, who discuss how they integrate discussions about sexual pleasure and satisfaction together with promoting commitment to traditional observance. Sharing their research and anecdotal experiences, they demonstrate that religion and sex positivity are not contradictory, but are in fact complementary.

Sexual exclusivity is a core value of Jewish marriage. Extramarital sexual contact – infidelity – represents not only a breach of Jewish law, but also a rupture of the couple’s loyalty and trust. While sexual intercourse with another person is almost universally considered adultrous behavior, how do couples define what they consider to be a betrayal? Is texting, having lunch with a member of the opposite sex, or flirting considered infidelity? And if lines are crossed, how can the couple repair their relationship? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a serious look at the personal, psychological, halachic, and hashkafic issues involved in this topic - a subject too often swept under the carpet.

“Sex is not something you ‘have’ but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares.”

This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivating a loving, emotionally intimate relationship.

In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn interviews co-host Talli Rosenbaum, and her co-author Dr. David Ribner about the book, which helps couples improve both their emotional and physical intimate lives. Join Rabbi Scott, David, and Talli, as they discuss the challenges of writing a book about sex for Orthodox Jewish couples, the topics they chose, and the book’s relevance for Jewish couples, regardless of their background. Finally, listen as Talli and David offer suggestions for sustaining passion in a long term, monogamous marriage.

Halachic sources state that male masturbation is unequivocally prohibited under Jewish law. This prohibition, however, often creates serious conflict and guilt in the religious and private lives of young Orthodox men, with consequences ranging from experiencing feelings of hypocrisy, to dropping out of Orthodoxy altogether, to skewing their perceptions of what marriage is supposed to be. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss this important topic, and attempt to outline how parents, teachers, and children should navigate the dual tracks of strengthening a commitment to Halacha, while enabling healthy sexual growth and attitudes.

During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a model for healing and repairing our relationships with ourselves and the significant others in our lives.

The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the  Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are  definite differences between the way dating for marriage  is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some similarities.  Recently, a research study was conducted to better understand and promote awareness regarding the struggles that many Orthodox Jewish daters face across the religious spectrum.  Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum, together with study authors Dr. Michael Salamon and Dr. Naomi Rosenbach, as they discuss the  research findings and recommendations for communal change in addressing these issues.

The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. God remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child.  The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling  with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering, painful and isolating. In the first of two episodes on infertility and pregnancy loss, Talli and Scott speak with Dr. Aimee Baron, founder of I Was Supposed To Have A Baby, a nonprofit organization that utilizes social media to support Jewish individuals and families going through infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss, surrogacy, and adoption. Our second episode, to be released later this month, will focus on the emotional and social struggles of individuals and couples dealing with infertility, issues in Jewish law relevant to infertility,  and the effect of treatment on intimacy and sexuality.

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The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily.

Meanwhile, couples are faced with a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another.

How do couples navigate their intimate relationships during this time? Midrashic sources point to several times in history where mankind refrained from relations in times of existential crisis , hunger and enslavement. On the other hand, it may be specifically during times of crisis that couples wish to re-affirm their vitality, comfort one another, or even simply relieve tension through sexual relations.

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in discussing emotional and physical intimacy in the time of Corona.

Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address your questions in this special Q&A episode of Intimate Judaism. Among the issues they deal with are homosexuality and Orthodoxy, Halacha's attitude toward sterilization via tubal ligation or vasectomy, whether we should encourage our children to talk to kids of the opposite gender, and more.

Many contemporary how-to guides to Jewish marriage in the Orthodox world encourage husbands to shoulder full responsibility for their wives’ happiness at the expense of their own. In the yeshiva world this is known as  “being mevater.”  Though teaching young  men to be unconditionally kind and respectful to their wives sounds progressive, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the potential problems with this approach.

Judaism values sexuality in the framework of marriage, both for the purposes of procreation and for relational intimacy. But does Judaism sanction the enhancement of physical pleasure, or should it be minimized? Do the Sages relate to pleasure differently in men and women, and how aware were they regarding the female experience of desire, arousal and orgasm? Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as we discuss the “Jewish Pleasure Principle.”

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As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the realities of the horrors of threat, murder and violation, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Yet, in the face of threat, the safety and security of a committed partnership can be a comforting resource. And in the confrontation with death, people sometimes seek the vitality and life affirming energy that sexual relations provide.

Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a discussion on intimacy, sex and peace in the home during war. Spoiler- it’s all normal.

“Forced marriage" and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertain of their sexual orientation? How do young people know that they are ready for marriage, and what barriers might impede informed consent? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a discussion about this controversial topic.

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Our sources teach us that lusting after our hearts is prohibited. Yet sexual curiosity, fantasy, and thinking about sex are part of the normative developmental process. Therefore, how do we determine how much is too much and what thoughts and behaviors are problematic? Is what may be “bad for your neshama” like viewing porn, necessarily bad for your mental health, and might the battle to guard one’s eyes and control one’s thoughts actually backfire, leading to obsessional thinking and compulsive behaviors?
Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they discuss sex addiction, pornography, and compulsive sexual behaviors, as well as identification, prevention, and treatment. Special thanks to Dr. Yaniv Efrati, educator and sex researcher, for his valuable contribution to the discussion.

In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are:

Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable?
Why must couples get the first time "over with" on the wedding night? (Or must they?)
Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah?
May women fantasize?
Does enjoying anal play mean I’m gay?
... and much more. Listen and share this special episode, and make sure to subscribe today.

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Judaism’s view of sex within marriage- is it really ruled by do’s and dont’s or does anything go? What do the sources actually say? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a frank and enlightening discussion. You may be surprised at what you will learn.

After October 7th, Jews around the world have felt besieged by some erstwhile allies, as some have been silent in the face of rampant antisemitism, and others have openly supported Hamas and its genocidal goals. While there have been many who openly support Jews and Israel, the war in Gaza has also provided a moment of reckoning as we discovered some unhappy surprises about people we thought were our friends.

A good example is the reaction to October 7th by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, or AASECT. As an organization dedicated to healthy sexuality, and one which has expressed opinions on hot button issues unrelated to its core mission, AASECT certainly should have issued a statement condemning the sexual violence against Israelis on October 7th. That, however, didn’t happen for a long time – and even when it did, the statement felt like a giant hedge.

As a result, Talli Rosenbaum and some colleagues resigned from AASECT. In this crossover episode with the Orthodox Conundrum, Rabbi Scott Kahn interviewed Talli, psychotherapist Dr. Shoshana Bulow, and sexual educator Dr. Logan Levkoff about some of the ways that the AASECT debacle is, unfortunately, representative of trends that are emerging in the United States. They also discussed the trauma of October 7th and the war both in and out of Israel, as well as the binary thinking that has led to the demonization of Jews, the prevalence of antisemitism, agendas that are embedded in the system to the Jewish people’s detriment, the fight against anti-Israel activity across the diaspora, and more.

As human beings, we are wired for connection, and the desire for intimate touch is a natural instinct. However, Jewish Law is clear that premarital sexual activity, even when it doesn't involve sexual intercourse, is forbidden. How do we manage that tension? Do we acknowledge that the halachot of refraining from touching the opposite gender are not universally observed, and discuss openly which prohibitions are Torah law and which are Rabbinic enactments so that individuals can choose to "lessen" the prohibition? Will that be understood as tacit sanctioning of premarital touching?  How do we impart our values without creating feelings of guilt and conflict about sexuality? What are the keys to discussing premarital sexual activity with Orthodox Jews in an honest and healthy manner? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn for a fascinating and frank discussion of these important religious and educational issues.

Numerous sources in our tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual, and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. However, If a woman has been taught that she must do what her husband wants and she is responsible for protecting him from sin, she will fear the consequences of saying no.  In this episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss how non-consensual sexual dynamics can be built in to the system even as normative Jewish law forbids coercive sex.  We invite you to listen to this thought provoking and important discussion about the importance of integrating sexual autonomy and ethical sexual behavior in Jewish marriage.

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Read Emily Nagoski's article, "Enthusiastic, Willing, Unwilling, Coerced: Consent, in the Context of Sex Worth Having" here.

Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen  to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss this as well as the specific considerations  for observant Jewish couples.

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch, and more! Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.