Idle Thumbs (Idle Thumbs)

Idle Thumbs traveled to QuakeCon 2012 for the express purpose of casting a pod at you live in real time (and also to check out Dishonored). With special guests Nick Breckon and Steve Gaynor. (You can watch a video of the live recording at http://twitch.tv/idlethumbs.)

In Sean Vanaman's absence, our co-hosts are joined by Double Fine's JP LeBreton for a discussion of the X-COM series, some ruminating on your DOS CD-ROM drivers, and time dilation versus just being drunk.

GDC 2010 ends and we emerge, stumbling through our sleep-deprived, Will Wright-fueled mental haze, to bring you this podcast. We're joined by special guest Sean Vanaman of Telltale Games. 2010.

Game developers confer, and we are there. Chris, Jake, and Sean discuss video games in these dynamics cast.

Another GDC come and gone, another Conf Grenade rolls down a hill. We're joined by bonus guest, Media Molecule's James Spafford. In the tradition of GDC episodes, this one has some slight audio wonkiness in places, so get ready for that.

Idle Thumbs starts to wake up, both literally and figuratively, with our first special episode from GDC 2012. We attended some sessions, we played some games, and we made up excuses to talk about all sorts of things together for the first time in years. With special guests all of us, and all of you. Support our Kickstarter campaign: http://idlethumbs.net/kickstarter

Picture a podcast which is itself made up of a series of smaller podcasts. Now, stop picturing, and start listening to our GDC wrap-up episode, featuring a series of quick interviews with Christina Norman (Riot Games), Tom Francis (PC Gamer/Suspicious Developments), Derek Yu (independent), and Bennett Foddy (independent), as well as our closing thoughts on GDC 2012. Support our Kickstarter campaign: http://idlethumbs.net/kickstarter

For long time followers of the popular video games franchise, this episode offers the linchpin reveals and cross-universe connections you've been waiting years to receive. Is everything connected? Is it all in your head? You can find out soon, but the server's having some difficulty so for now please chill in this complimentary themed waiting lounge.

You may have thought you were buying Mario Kart 8. Lucky for you, what you actually purchased was an intricate collection of high fidelity scenarios and systems which enable Luigi to glare at people he hates. Plus, Nick digs into this week's Steam Early Access releases, and Chris goes all in on Wolfenstein The New Order.

The thudding gets louder, deafening. You try to speak but you cannot hear your own voice. You try to look up but you are blinded. Getting up from your chair is a futile effort, the thudding coursing through your veins; it's in your heart now. You are at E3, but you are sitting at home. We are at E3, but we are sitting at work. E3 is everywhere and it is in all of us and it is all of us.

E3 is over but we're somehow not over E3. This week Danielle runs down her favorite games from the show, Jake recounts his fleeting brush with Destiny, and why he can't stop considering the desires of the tiny Chris Remo who lives in his mind.

Lungs howling, eyes watering, mouth agape, you stare into the light. With your throttle down and thrusters on, your search for that satisfying release intensifies, but each passing moment serves to only charge your panic—will you find it? Is it there? Is it you? Then, finally...Gesundheit! Video games.

The question posed: Was Nick really in love with his Wii U, or was it all a bizarrely detailed dream? To find the answer, we ventured deep into Nick's mind, probing the darkest wells of his psyche, the inkiest depths of his soul. The journey cost lives, ended friendships, conjured up some very unfortunate images of Sonic the Hedgehog, and ultimately revealed nothing.

Look, I'm not sayin' Tawmmy shouldn'ta been sent up for doing what he done to all them cahps, but they got stunnas, what else is he gonna do? Also I heard from Stacy—ya know Stacy. Whose fathah died? Ya know, that old guy that choked on that grinda up in P'tuckit. Ya know. Her sistah went to RISD and thinks she's some sahta rawalty. Anyway, Stacy sayin her brothah did thah same but he just got regulah time in the cybah-mines. That's some gahbage.

After a weekend of unparalleled successes and unmitigated failures, we talk through the difference between conceiving of something, and making it actually happen. There's also a long look at what it means when the knowledge and advances of modern technology are applied to game design philosophies from twenty years ago. But you're probably here for the farting skeleton.

A podcast teaches, But never ceases To deliver speeches, Sweet as peaches, And soft as cheeses. A podcast reaches, While on the beaches Or on the creases, When eating pizzas, With your nieces, Like pyschokinesis, In bits and pieces, A podcast thesis For your earses. *Fart sound*

Things have really gone to hell. It's all a big cacophonous mess. Sean and Danielle gave up the podcasting for a life of dealing drugs aboard a cruise ship to a man who worships John Madden. Jake just plays the same old games every night, a worthless old man. Chris... well who can even tell anymore? Yeah I know. Very, very off blade.

A weekend of non-stop sci-fi movies accidentally begets an episode filled with the first person corridors of today and yesterday, and the gross things they're made of. Plus: Chris encounters the Necrodancer and Jake plays PC games from his couch for the first time.

In life, and in the games we played this week, time continues to advance whether you want it to or not. Move forward, look back, or stand still, the inexorable march to the end continues unabated. So when you click on that dead body in the trunk, for God's sake seize the opportunity and do something interesting.

Pleased to present this podcast to placate the people that prefer Thumbs... Pleased. Thanks. Past the part that permeates the pod (the Playable Teaser) presenters take polite turns pontificating, talking, pushing their played titles. Parse this peculiar transmission, permitting the playful talkers' preposterous tiresome palaver.

I heard that social justice war has changed / But I'd always heard social justice war never changes / In the end it doesn't matter anyway / Because this is the dawning of a brand new day / Where it doesn't matter what you've heard / Cause I'm the social justice wizard.

Elevator music credit: Adam Monroe

We went to PAX and recorded an episode live in front of a bunch of wonderful people who could all hear us, though we could not hear one another. That didn't stop us from trying to communicate, and we think the results speak for themselves. This episode was rated 3 out of 5 hosts by all in attendance; we hope it finds an audience in you.

You wonder what your destiny may be but stop; that's not important now. With focus you will master this. With precise, uninterrupted attention you will ascend higher than you ever have before. You will see the two thousandth course. You will diffuse the bomb. And you will master the lore of the blade. But then things shift - the color changes, difficulty recedes - and you're left wondering what would have happened if you hadn't knocked over that blue vase.

We sit in a dark room, split into factions by our actions or perhaps fate, conspiring to destroy each other for reasons unknown. We steal food from each other's mouths. We eye our friends' chosen partners jealously, vying to make them our own. Yes, we have been playing board games, so get ready for that. We're joined by special guest Anita Sarkeesian of Feminist Frequency for a trip through the board and video games of this year's XOXO festival in Portland.

Photo by David Gallagher

Humans of your own choosing have meticulously picked the contents of this episode from over three thousand podcast segments. Following the curation process, they will be algorithmically suited to your tastes by a robot. When the system does its job, you're happy. You get exactly what you want. You get the good ones.

Join us as we all embark on our own personal trips through the dusty dunes. After 15 years clean, Sean gets a taste of Counter-Strike and is feared lost, Chris embarks on a journey of the mind on Desert Golfing's back 1500 and comes out changed, Jake falls through a time hole into his past, and Danielle is trapped on a deserted island with Carl Sagan and Terry Gross after facing off against one of gaming history's most controversial figures. Nick Breckon hasn't been seen for weeks.

We all live in the shadow of something. We all have our daemons. When Chris set foot in the world of Alien: Isolation, all he could think about was the time he killed a billion Orcs who never forgot him. When Danielle played Alien: Isolation, all she could think of was how the love affair would inevitably end, no matter how nicely designed the posters on the wall looked. Jake downloaded Alien: Isolation, but spent the weekend playing Smash Bros on his 3DS.

Through examining the clues laid before us, interrogating everyone in sight, and making mental leaps heretofore unperformed by man, we deduce that no matter what they tell you, in video games you'll never be the Sherlock Holmes of the story; you're always Watson, and you always have been. Plus, Danielle attends IndieCade and takes two side trips: one to an incredible haunted house, and one to Hell.

The Fiver! Chris, Jake, Sean, Danielle and Nick bring you all the rapid-fire hot gossip you desire, from our hellmouths to your ears. This week's scandals hot off the press: Nick's latest Lords Management misstep leads to the product's erasure, leaving onlookers agog. Woman swoons at news, resuscitated by podcast host Danielle Riendeau. Famous explorer Remo circumnavigates globe in record time; bests noted horn smuggler Breckon. Vanaman reads novel. Jake present at podcast recording. That's it for this week's Idle Thumbs Fiver: All of the rumors, all of the hearsay, none of the scoops.

A lot of aliens were defeated this week, but at what cost? Danielle finally reaches the end of Alien: Isolation, having given the game a complete day of her life. In Beyond Earth, Jake, Chris, and Nick have shot some giant worms and roving green animals, but aren't sure what that means, or why they're there, or who they are, or where the UI is. Sean has announced his departure from Idle Thumbs for a lucrative career in robbing banks, and pontificating on the works of Don Bluth.

As you get older you begin to wonder if the culture has changed, or you have changed. Are you in a place now where you're just unreachable by marketing, not by force but because you are drifting out of sync with the cultural consciousness? Last time you stuck your head up and really looked around they only had level one monsters, but now they've got these big lumbering messes running around eating everything. What has the world come to?

This week the 90s are back, but what if they came back wrong? Holiday reviewing season has Danielle in its grasp, but that may mean she has just been playing a ton of upcoming Nintendo and Sega games. That and Advanced Warfare. As the old saying goes, "Behind every Dorito is a gross, super-ripped and inexplicably triangular echidna, but you cannot see him, as he is perfectly hidden behind the Dorito."

Beppo's Hole is not a place one wants to spend very much time (it's kind of a rollicking mess) but here we all are so let's make the best of it. In Beppo's Hole, Danielle catches the scent of Far Cry 4 but can't stay and truly enjoy it until later. In Beppo's Hole, Chris serves himself up the sensory envelopment that is the Monument Valley expansion, despite other patrons' incensed exasperation that such a thing exists. In Beppo's Hole, Sean raided the larder with his three starving friends, and yes they came out fed, but far sadder for it. Jake and Nick just came to Beppo's Hole for the view.

It is time to give thanks. Join us in giving thanks for inexpensive content updates, for the Super Smash Bros. metagame, for mobile free-to-play experiences, for elephant slaughter, for knowing one's own gaming limits, for blockbuster pseudo-reboots, and for Chris and Sean arguing about basically nothing. But most of all, thanks to you, the reader.

Nick and Sean are transfixed by the supple, majestic fur of Far Cry 4, Chris crosses a road better than anyone in the room (but not better than his friends), and Jake stares at a real brain on a real plate.

With the end of the year coming up fast, Jake and Danielle are joined by Patrick Klepek of Giant Bomb, to pull back the curtain on the deliberations and distractions involved in picking the Games of the Year, and to share some surprising travel tips the modern gamer may find useful.

Alone and in a strange place, a robot types furiously at a terminal keyboard. "dir" it writes. No response. "asdfghjk," it continues, to similar success. It glances around, looks back at the keyboard and then the screen. "load Dragon Age."

It is the season of giving gifts, unless you are Sean Vanaman, who only seems to receive gifs. Danielle and Chris get deeper into Dragon Age Inqusition, which mostly means Iron Bull talk. After that, it's time for a holiday mailbag trip through the digital back alleys of the competitive Smash scene, and a bleak realization about what 2015's really The Year Of.

We ring out the old, and ring in the new, with what may be the oldest conversation in the existence of our medium: What is the best video game of all time? Not the greatest, mind you, but the best. See you in 2015! (Thanks to Matter magazine for sending us on this quest as part of their video game week, earlier this month.)

You've delved too deep below the sea, to a time before human memory. A voice from your past won't stop echoing in your head, telling you lies, telling you about space, telling you things you've heard so many times before.

It's road trip week. Buckle your torn-off seat belt, and put the Elijah Wood Flipper movie on the in-van VCR because we're going to Disney World. Not responsible for any injuries of any kind including death.

The match is about to start, the anticipation so thick you can see it in the air. Dust2, of course. You strap on your MicroSoft HoloLens (Pimple edition, bought new) and scan the crowded auditorium. Aimbots found: Six. Wallhacks: Eighteen. You're not sure why you even came. You put the device back in its huge carrying sack and go home to manage your fake baseball team.

Jake goes back in time with Grim Fandango Remastered, Nick makes sure the trains run on time in Mini Metro, Danielle moves time forward in controlled and user-selected increments in Majora's Mask 3D, and Chris talks about a dead guy coming to life, limbs flailing, cursing at everyone. Somewhere, on a plane, a big guy in a suit plays some free-to-play game, and is satisfied with his choice.

It was the 90s, and there was time. There was a quiet space left in between, room to decide for yourself what was what. But then Mario had to go and open his big fat mouth. Now he never shuts up.

This week on Idle Thumbs we talk about our crippling addiction to Destiny, our experiences in a recent AAA first person zombie survival game, and why Far Cry 2 might not be that great after all. What happened to us? We were joined by special guest Justin McElroy of Polygon and the My Brother, My Brother and Me podcast.

On Mars you don't have to turn around to take a selfie, thanks to recent developments from our trading company's offworld patent lab. Pardon the cough.

The old becomes new, in a pod cast by two, as a title once lost becomes found. Chris and Jake plunge in to the new Darkest Dungeon, and Besiege delights as it confounds. Sean joins Chris and Jake before the ad break, and Gex lore is run into the ground.

Those bifocals you threw away and those books you burned all those years ago are remembered fondly this week, as we celebrate our 200th episode with a fully stocked six pack of hosts. Join Chris, Jake, Nick, Steve, Sean, and Danielle for a discussion of Valve's VR announcements, the life of Minecraft's progenitor, GDC 2015, and why we don't usually use Skype on these things. Thank you so much for listening to and supporting us through the casting of 200 pods.

Freelance writer Cara Ellison joins us to discuss grown-up relationships in video games, children's relationships with Lara Croft, and the poo icon in Cities: Skylines. A conversation for adults only.

Take a right at Normal and cruise on down past Weird and make your way to Poopwater, New Mexico, where the streets ain't straight and your water don't flow like it should.

This week, one of us is a murderer... But who? Is it Chris, who spent the week maximizing the traffic flow in his Cities: Skyline city, a city so perfect no one wanted to live there? Or could the murderer be Danielle, the one who spent the week actually murdering a bunch of people -- fictionally -- in Bloodborne? It was probably Jake, who spent the week without internet, but everyone at the cable company seems alive and well. A case this complicated will take at least six Jessica Fletchers to solve, and for that we have just the thing.

Hey, does that ladder have your blood echoes? Just checking. By the way, that reminds me of a dream I had. I think it was about cyborgs. Or lesbian dinosaur cyborgs. There were definitely cyborgs. But look—we all serve at the pleasure of the readers. Am I right or am I right?

Imagine your dream LAN. Sit back and really picture it. If your dream LAN is one where the snacks are artisanal, the soda water is gently flavored, and the wifi's always free, you may be a dad, but who cares with a ping this low?

Before Owen Wilson's nose was attached, this world was a lot for Old Granny Dreamcast to take in. That newfangled headgear you're supposed to be wearing now. Games on telephones. The instruments everyone carried around a couple years ago seemed to be coming back. "Be a rock star," said one new title, as a crowd threw cups at her and booed. "This isn't what it feels like. This is it." After the nose though, nothing. No sickness, no disorientation, no more feeling alone. Old Granny Dreamcast straps on her guitar, jumps on the "AM Ballads" stream and is gone.

This week everybody gets a window into Sean and Danielle's Bloodborne-consumed lives, everybody is convinced by Spaff to play an "RPG whodunnit roguelike," and while only Danielle played "Everybody's Gone to the Rapture," everybody else was quite taken with her description of the experience.

Whether you're a modder, a hat baron, or a Greek citizen, it has been a rough week on the financial front. In a time when anyone with an idea can seemingly throw entire economies into turmoil, maybe it's our turn. Join us as we put on our Unusual Financial Prognosticator hats and dig into the recent paid mods kerfuffle, receive a shocking update on the Team Fortress economy, and follow the trails of intrigue back to their only possible source.

What did we all bring for show and tell this week? Danielle explores a psychedelic outdoor world and misses her favorite book, Chris re-visits his first encounter with Star Wars, while Spaff performs one of the most amazing feats ever attempted in gaming and finds himself $70 poorer as a result. Jake brings some gifs of animals stealing cars. Nine taxi drivers were injured in the creation of this podcast.

Pro Fish Smart Fish, Dice and Card Fish / Diablo III and StarCraft II, Twilight Struggle and Defcon too / A week of draws and decks and rolls, of seats too hot and wars too cold / That's this week's podcast at a glance, its half-rhymes masked with assonance.

Danielle continues to tear through every major release thrown her way, Spaff disappears into a brutal world of trial-by-drum-and-bass, Chris wishes he would suddenly lose control of parts of his body at random in group situations, and Jake thinks he has played a video game once in his life, but is mistaken.

Lies are told, governments fall, goats are visited, flatulent messages are decoded inaccurately, secrets are conveyed in whisper and then forgotten, and E3 is predicted with unprecedented precision. Adventure, thrills, titillation await.

Terraforming is complete. The fences are placed. Administrative staff is happy, buzzing away in their newly-zoned facility. This is it. This one will be perfect. But no, work halts: An error message. The face on your screen is not one you recognize. It's definitely not Dr. Wright. "Ah ahh ahh." You dismiss it. "Ah ahh ahh. Ah ahh ahh." Your clicks are drowned out by a barrage of dick picks and photos of cartoon cat butts.

It's a raucous week on Idle Thumbs. D4 brings out Danielle's chowder-championing inner New Englander, Chris can't stop collecting cats, Spaff spoils Life is Strange, and Nick descends into a virtual reality waking dream. Here's Droopy McCool to play us out. Let's give him a round of applause.

Abandoned and alone, Chris and Nick hunker down in the studio while everyone else braves the harsh wastelands of E3. Join us for an intimate and lively chat about social simulation, our fantasies of a historical New York city builder, video game sweaters, our inevitable AI-dominated future, and forced, soul-sucking human reproduction. The Overlord demands it.

After years away, we found ourselves this week trapped in surreal spaces filled with otherworldly lights and sounds, dodging indistinct figures that triggered sensory responses unlike any offered in the normal world. We wore virtual reality headsets, and we went to E3.

You strap on your VR headset and log on to the terminal. It's a Windows 95 system: you know this. You rifle through dozens of unsorted video clips revealing a fractured prophecy of inevitable robot domination. Sinister, shadowy figures dance and leap in the periphery of your vision. You glance down to admire your virtual arms. They're huge.

Unlike some, we live in a bountiful place. A place where the stars stretch out before you, full of life and endless, a place where soccer is played by not just Mario but glowey demons and even cars, a place where every gun is unique even if that is the last thing you want. We live there so enjoy all of it.

Join us on an accidental tour of our own history of first person shooting, from Doom to the new game that is also just called Doom. We also play a fan-made mod sequel to Portal 2, discuss Activision's baffling foray into first party total conversion modding with the upcoming Call of Duty Zombies campaign and watch as Chris' brain is reprogrammed by The Magic Circle. You may not believe it, but this episode was originally stored on three floppy disks.

This week we guess at how life might begin, and are shown many ways it might end. Here, in the middle, is a podcast. Spaff evolves while showing off Gang Beasts at Evo, Chris weighs the value of a new life versus a long and celebrated one after some startling developments in his Fallout Shelter, and Jake worries about what's living inside his car's brakes.

As the world closes in, you sit alone in a dark room, sweaty and tense, your eyes unwavering from the events unspooling on the monitor. Animatronic pizza creatures are clawing at the door. Shelter dwellers demand answers after months of forced breeding, papal collusion, and suspected assassinations. Fortunately the room's barricades are strong, so you can really concentrate on this Rocket League match.

This week we engage a randomly-rolled Steve "Hot Scoops" Gaynor for a series of increasingly-escalating heists and near escapes in The Swindle. Though he is cut down in his prime—side-swiped by a rainbow- and dollar bill-emitting enemy vehicle—it looks impressive as hell when the resulting accident scores a goal for his Rocket League team. Meanwhile, Danielle pines for every Rare game ever made ever.

Our long-awaited Her Story spoilercast is here! We sat down to discuss our thoughts on Sam Barlow's excellent FMV murder mystery, from its mechanics to the nuances of its plot. If you haven't completed the game, you will be spoiled!

Welcome to our tour of nightmares. When on the tour please do not bully our security robot. In this, our first chamber, we keep our rejected user-generated Sonic the Hedgehog characters. Sorry, no, you can't turn the limb physics off; they just move that way all the time. To the left, our Fallout Shelter gallery, worth visiting before we change it over to a new exhibit; the hall on your right houses our collection of a thousand staring ghost masks. The rest of the museum—the Breckon Wing—is dedicated to one poor man who dared log on to Grand Theft Auto V's multiplayer component. Nightmare gallery probably not underwritten by J.G. Edwards.

You are a mess, humanity. Your criminal investigators are a joke at best, and your justice system is terrifying and weird at worst. Your cyber security is easily bypassed, with commands that seem almost fictional. You cannot even assemble your own furniture. It's probably best we just take it from here.

Read Our Lips: It's-a me. This week's episode may require you to use your imagination a little more than usual. Danielle plays the hell out of Super Mario Maker but as for her final verdict, you'll have to read between the lines. Chris and Spaff play the almost indescribable Pipedreamz and Flywrench, and Jake decides to record an entire episode with his microphone off. The only clarity you'll find comes from a surprisingly inspired Dota 2 add-on.

Get carried away on our balloon of delight as we dive into Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, a game that stirs up memories of something we loved dearly, long ago. Then, we'll let you in on the "Sad Space Dads" craze that has taken the gaming world by storm. If that isn't enough, stick with us for the time Chris and Nick chatted with Jeff Goldblum about Thomas Pynchon novels.

Roughly 50 percent of this podcast is about Metal Gear Solid V, but we somehow manage to sneak in a tidbit here and there about our time with Satellite Reign and completing Lara Croft GO, Danielle's adventures with a real live clown, and a surprise-filled bag of candy for the video game baby.

If this description seems brief, if we're hard to get ahold of right now, the answer is very simple and not that inexplicable: We can't stop playing Super Mario Maker or Metal Gear Solid V. There's only one thing that will make us stop, and it's an opportunity to talk about them on this podcast.

This week we deal in fear. Danielle (who is fearless) finds a new horror game love in SOMA, Nick's time with Metal Gear Solid V comes to the confusing and bleak end he feared was there all along, and Jake is feared lost, last seen entering a ghost house of his own creation. Chris fears a hedgehog made entirely of pinky fingers, and we think that's fair.

An era ends as we say goodbye to Danielle "Junior Mints" Riendeau, who is off to New York for love and (somehow) lower rent. We are saying goodbye to Danielle in three ways: by talking about the new Cities Skylines expansion and its improved offerings in poop flow management, by playing hours of else Heart.Break() as a symbolic gesture based on the name alone, and by starting a new podcast you'll hear more about in the coming months.

Using this custom-built glimmering console of knobs and sliders, we have calibrated the podcast to be perfectly suited to your taste. The sliders have also been tuned to provide you with incredibly fat bass, a catchy counter-melody, and a breathtaking view. The view initially featured twelve cavemen stabbing a mammoth to death with a bunch of spears, and some possible hints at greater lore, but we turned that off with one of the knobs.

Not so long ago, on a night not unlike this very night, the people braved the sewers of rats, donned their nice masks, and celebrated the first Dishonored Halloween. You should have been there. Now, three years later, Dishonored Halloween's gone corporate—a sold-out shell of itself that's not even about the same things.

When walking through a place you've walked many times before, you see a small hole in the ground, decide to climb in, and now you're falling forever and ever and ever, unable to stop, unable to return to the life you had before you found the hole. This is the video game Downwell and this is Chris Remo's life after finding the video game Downwell. Elsewhere, Nick Breckon has gained control of an aircraft carrier.

Mister Neighbor has something great in store for you this week, once he's changed into some comfortable shoes. All he has to do is walk out of frame and suddenly you're somewhere new. You hope Mister Neighbor takes you to the factory to show you how the machines put together your favorite things, but it could be anywhere. Maybe you're on a spaceship, traveling from port to port trying to broadside a merchant ship. Maybe you're still falling down that infinite pit of blackness you find you return to in quiet moments. Maybe you're on hold forever with technical support. When you tell your mom about Mister Neighbor, she looks concerned, and tells you that's not his name.

Our attention is split three ways this week, all thanks to Anno 2205. Jake sits in his island city patiently awaiting the new Super Mario Maker update. Nick spends his time on the moon, never sleeping, launching missiles until there's nothing left to nuke. Spaff sits alone in the arctic, huddled for warmth. Meanwhile, buried deep beneath the earth in a recently unearthed fortress of his own design, Chris sits down in a barber chair. "Give me an Erich Schaefer," he says. His barber knows exactly what he means.

This house survived three wars, countless natural disasters, and the end of civilization as we know it. If these walls could talk, the stories they could tell might change your life. Unfortunately for these walls, they'd look pretty great lining my settlement's new basketball court. Sorry, walls, Fallout 4 is here.

Fallout 4 has us in its thrall, but we still have questions. What would a Fallout sequel be like if it was set in the Middle East, or South America? If you're a Raider and your parents immigrated from Tuscany, does that make you a Tuscan Raider, or a Tuscan-American Raider? Why do you have to hold the shift key to navigate menus with WASD? What's "tatoes?" Plus, we talk about the lost Fallout sequel "Van Buren," and Chris' experience with Kero Blaster.

Now that the mobile companion apps to our favorite hardcore economic simulators and open world roleplaying games have sucked all the time out of our lives, we take a deep dip into the Idle Thumbs mailbag.

It seems like whenever you move, she moves. Whatever drives her, she sees to know a lot about you, but you don't know where she came from, where she's going, or how you can see more of her. You sit alone in your settlement and hope she comes by again.

Come in, come in… Ah, I'm surprised to see YOU wearing that hat. But welcome. My name is Dr. Caligari. I mean Dr. Strangelove. Actually, call me Dr. Langeskov. Sit back and let's take a look into your history. Boy, there are a lot of murders, aren't there? Very…densely packed. And more tweets than I expected. Still, we'll see if we can't find some gems… Just a little puzzle game joke there, ha ha. I know you love your companion apps. Hmm. It appears your original family name is "Bredon." Well, you know what they say: It all starts with a doctor and ends with an emerald.

Your favorite creators are coming back, they've brought your favorite games, and to play them all you have to step into this skintight vibrating body suit. Plus, Nick returns to Crusader Kings 2 with disastrous (if unsurprising) results, and we stare straight into the surreal heart of the Frog Fractions 2 ARG.

For many, this is the season of cheer and joviality, a time best spent close to family and loved ones. For others (like Nick Breckon), its the perfect time to dip a first toe into Dwarf Fortress and disappear from this world altogether. Plus, Chris shares his experiences with the top-down shooter Helldivers, and we take a look back at Star Wars games of the 1990s.

The new year should be treated as a time of opportunity. A time to seek out fresh experiences, to get motivated to try some things you normally wouldn't. It's also a time to collapse in a tired heap and take a break to recharge. It is for both these reasons that we're bringing you an Idle Thumbs Network Sampler this week: You get a taste of the other great shows we host here at Idle Thumbs, and we get a quick breather to rest our weak old bones. We'll be back next week with a full new episode!

Jake Rodkin has vanished. In his absence, we discuss Bushido Blade, Yakuza 5, Rainbow Six: Siege, and the obscure Japanese open-world game Mizzurna Falls. Which can mean only one thing: Steve "Hot Scoops" Gaynor has returned.

You soar over a Mediterranean villa and find it so thrilling you think, "Hey, I'll build myself a new computer so this looks nicer." In the time it takes you to have this experience and this thought, a plastic robot toy built in 1985 completes Super Mario World. You remember throwing out the unused cables from your old power supply and curse. The plastic robot toy effortlessly re-programs the old Nintendo game, unlocking secrets not seen in Mario World's 25 year lifetime. The third CPU re-seat fails. As you wipe the thermal paste from your hands and start again, the robot turns off and is carried from the stage to rapturous applause.

This episode contains three documented favorite words of Nick Breckon, age 3. Mesmerized: Jake tries a Vive for the first time and briefly forgets his friends, loved ones, and the world around him. Process: Chris spends more time with Just Cause 3 and his feelings become increasingly mixed. Anxiety: As Valve opens the Half-Life and Portal universes up to the community to make and sell expansions, we fret over the future of some of our favorite games. Plus we play Oxenfree, get excited for The Witness, and fall into the surrealistic adventure that is Nick's childhood.

Welcome, cadet. Your mission: go back in time, and kill baby Hitler. To assist you in this perilous but vital task, you will be outfitted with an array of dice, two decks of standard playing cards, a two-stroke go-kart engine, one swarm of bees, and a Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger. Good luck. Never give up. Never surrender. Oh, and if you see Winston Churchill, give him this teddy bear for me.

Happy birthday to you. We're getting really into The Witness, and we've kept it spoiler-free. Happy birthday to you. Nick has also joined Chris in his Just Cause 3 devotion, and we mull over the lineage and legacy of Myst. Happy birthday to you. There's also a teddy bear that keeps singing "Happy Birthday to You." Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to—

Today's the day. Today you can play all those games you've been eyeing but didn't feel you had the time. Unfortunately you only have a couple spare hours, and those games are XCOM 2, Rise of the Tomb Raider, and the goddamn Witness. This week we scratch the surface of some great games, and share our impressions with you. Welcome to the half-take special.

This week we dream of success in the face of almost certain failure. Of reaching out and, just for a second, really feeling like you've achieved something. A soldier in XCOM 2 lasts long enough to top the squad leaderboard, long enough to earn a permanent seat on the transport ship, long enough that we recognize her trademark smirk, but no longer. In NBA 2K16, a five foot eleven kid gets drafted out of high school, makes his family proud, and even plays in a few games, before his teammates conspire against him and sink his career. A video game podcast produces 250 episodes over eight years.

Boston Dynamics has upped its robot game, advancing the state of cybernetics ever further. Meanwhile, all we've been doing is playing some video games. So grab your hockey stick, your basketball, and your devil dagger, because the clock is counting down, the future of humanity is on the line, and all eyes are on you. It's time to bust a signature move. Featuring James Spafford as Jake Rodkin, and Robot Jake Rodkin as Jake Rodkin's introductory spiel.