How to Glow: The Jewish Woman's Marriage Boost (Kayla Levin)

WOW. You all sent in some awesome tips for running the home! More than that, I love how you all came out to support and help one another! At the end of the day, we're all in this together if we want to be... and the FYM community keeps proving that you are women who look out for one another. I love it.

First, an announcement: I will be hosting a special Kallah Cohort of First Year Married targeted specifically to women in the Orthodox Jewish community. Lots of details at the end of the episode!

I broke down your tips into three main categories: Vision and Appreciation, Food and Groceries, and General Household Management and Time Management Tips.

Have more tips to share? Please send them to @firstyearmarried on Instagram and I will share them over there!

All the best,

Kayla

We just opened doors for the First Year Married course and to celebrate I'm giving you a 3 part series on how to get the most out of shana rishona.

This episode is mainly for my newlyweds out there, but these tools are relevant no matter how long you've been married.

In today's episode, find out how getting a life is CRITICAL for a happy marriage--and how to make it happen.

Want to share your coaching wins? Have a question? Thinking about joining the course and want to talk it out? I'd love to hear from you!

Newlywed Course starting Dec 2 (includes Time Management course until Nov 15) kaylalevin.com/newlywed

WhatsApp: https://wa.me/19739307981

Email: kaylalevin AT kaylalevin.com

WE GOT JAMIE GELLER!!!

Can you tell I'm excited?! 

Jamie Geller, today the head of the largest kosher network in the world, has been an inspiration to me from the time I was a newlywed and stumbled upon her first cookbook, Quick and Kosher. Reading about her transition from successful single professional to what-am-I-supposed-to-do-with-this-oven made me feel so validated in my total lack of kitchen know-how. 

In this first half of our interview, Jamie opens up about her own newlywed transition, foods her audience loves the most, and how to make the never-ending chore of cooking something you can actually enjoy (actually, I was really surprised by her answer!).

Whether you keep kosher or not, Jamie is such an inspiration and I know you're going to gain a lot from this interview.

Enjoy!

Sources from this episode:

JamieGeller.com

Jewlish on Instagram

Jewlish on Facebook

Make sure you've subscribed to hear part 2 of the episode, plus more amazing guests in our summer #whosyourguru podcast series!

In today's episode, we're gonna talk about your time and why you don't have enough of it. It's not why you think. I'll share my tool for matching your priorities to your calendar and help you deal with those feelings of busyness and overwhelm that can suck the energy out of all of us.

Welcome to our #Jewsode - Elisheva Storch is our hair covering guru, discussing all about how Jewish women who have chosen to cover their hair can make the process more enjoyable, plus how to manage the world of sheitals (AKA wig) purchasing.

• Are you destined to hate your first wig?
• Is wig covering hard for everyone?
• How can we bring this mitzvah into our awareness and connection to Hashem?

Elisheva has so much to share--enjoy! And make sure you are subscribed for part 2!

Find Elisheva on Instagram at @elisheva_wigs_atlanta

This week I’m chatting with Meredith Boggs about social media and our homes. Meredith is a speaker, writer, podcaster and blogger who focuses on "The Other Half" -- in her words, "real life that doesn’t make the highlight reel."

On today’s call, we’re discussing…

• Simple changes that help you to be present with your husband and family when home
• Can we really “win” over the media giants that are trying to capture our attention?
• How do we get out of compare and despair when we see our peer’s lives online
• How to maintain real, authentic relationships in a social media world

Please let us know what YOUR systems and strategies are! If you're on Instagram, tag Meredith @meredithwboggs and me @firstyearmarried so we can continue the discussion!

More from Meredith:

Instagram

Website

Podcast

Even if you have a great positive thought, if your nervous system has been hijacked and you're in fight or flight, that thought is just not going to stick. This week I'm introducing you to Nervous System 101. Our guest coach Ilana Kendal will be taking this much deeper inside of How to Glow in July!

Want to join us? You can sign up today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

I got so much feedback and questions and awesome stories about the episode, "Why You Don't Have Enough Time" that I wanted to run another episode--Part 2 on Zero Based Scheduling! Time Management can be one of our major stressors, and this tool has helped my husband and I feel so much more at peace with how we spend our time. 

This episode addresses some of the more common questions I received and gives you an update on where we are with the tool ourselves. It's been great hearing stories from listeners about how this is giving you clarity and empowerment as you make decisions about what to do and what to cut. And while this isn't only about marriage, one of the main things newlyweds are navigating is learning to share all parts of life--finances, space, and time--with another person, and you want to do it successfully! 

Please keep sending in your feedback, questions, and stories--I love to hear from you! 

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

We may not like to admit it, but we tend to have some opinions about our husbands. Whether he's too messy, bad with money, or not taking his job seriously enough (or too seriously!), it's very common to forget that these are only our opinions and not a true fact. In this episode I'm going to teach you how to coach yourself when you are getting frustrated with your husband. 

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠⁠kaylalevin.com⁠⁠

If you've found yourself saying "yes" to too many things simply because it's so hard to say "no"... whether because you hate to disappoint others or you want to be nice or you just can't stand the awkward moment.. this week's podcast is for you.

I want to show you what's on the other side of learning how to say no. What's on the other side is true giving.

When you are willing and able to say "no" when someone asks you to do something you really don't want to or is outside your comfort zone, then when you say "yes" it's a true yes.

This week I'll help you check in on your people-pleasing tendencies and get you excited for the huge benefits of real giving.

Oh, and here are some links that came up this week:

Get the Marriage Check-In Workbook, FREE on my website

Say hello over on Instagram and celebrate 200k with me!

Learn how to get coached and take this all to the next level.

💞 Shana Rishona Challenge Day 6: What Do You Need?

Have you ever wished your husband would get you a drink/tell you to get some sleep/bring you something to eat so that you could feel like he really cared?

Good. That's what you're supposed to feel like during shana rishona.

At the beginning of a marriage (I'm talking the first decade), it's about her feeling totally secure that she's a priority. And it's about him learning how to make her a priority.

Where we get stuck is when we forget that we actually can go get ourselves something to eat 🥪, a glass of water 🥤, and put ourselves to bed 🛌🏻. Because we are smart, grown women who know how to do these things. 💪

What happens next? She's hangry and whining that he doesn't care and he's honestly not really sure what just happened. 😣😳

It's funny now but it's not funny in the moment!

One of the best ways to invest in your marriage is to invest in YOURSELF. YES, you want acts of love from him, but they don't need to be for your basic functioning. You don't have to be drowning for him to show he cares. The damsel in distress is so not a Jewish thing.

Today's challenge is a fun one: do something for you!

Resources:

• Class 6 in FYM is about Self Care-designing a life for yourself that you love despite all the changes of shana rishona. Check it out at kaylalevin.com/newlywed

• Want to be part of the WhatsApp challenge? Join us at bit.ly/4shalom

In this week's episode, inspired by my husband's recent business trip, I lead you through an exercise to re-evaluate your self-care.

Many women drop their self-care (especially the most basic things, like sleeping and eating) when we get married or get into a long-term relationship.

These are all areas that we generally took responsibility for (even if we were lagging, we certainly weren't blaming our roommates or siblings because we didn't remember to eat breakfast!). And it's more than physical self care, too; it's also about the variety of relationships we fostered and needed. We need someone for advice but we don't expect that person to also give us a laugh or an exciting time out and also to provide our romantic needs and be a listening, supportive ear at the end of the day... etc., etc., 

And yet when we get married, we often expect our marriage relationship to provide what ALL those individual relationships provided. Which is an unhealthy and unfair expectation.

I thought I'd mastered this, but then when my husband told me he was going to be going on a business trip, I immediately realized there were a few things I needed to do if I wasn't going to have him to fall back on. Wait a second--why am I PLANNING to fall back on him in the first place? Why not taking care of myself in the first place??

So here are three ways to reevaluate your self-care regimen.

1. Imagine your husband is going to be going away for a week. What are the three things you'd for sure need to do to make sure your physical needs are taken care of? (Even if you usually do these things but they are now moving up to "nonnegotiable"--listen to the episode for my example about showers.)

2. What things would you "get" to do with some time and energy freed up that you may be holding in reserve for your husband? Did you imagine a coffee date with a friend or a paint night? How can you schedule that in now?

3. Imagine your husband is away -- what would you miss? What would be sad about that? And then you can take those things and celebrate all these wonderful elements he provides for your marriage! We always need to encourage our minds to be more positive and notice the positive, because they aren't naturally inclined to do so. What are three little things you'd be sad about if he was away?

Interested in learning more? The first lesson in the First Year Married Online Course is available for free at www.firstyearmarried.com

Enjoy!

In this episode I'm sharing my somewhat unusual take on new year's resolutions.

Whether you celebrate now or in January (or heck whenever you feel like it), this episode will help you think about your goals in a way that will be more compelling and more sustainable than the goals you've tried before.

Join the mailing list at www.firstyearmarried.com

Or you can apply here for 1:1 coaching

Don't miss Part 2 of my interview with Alison Armstrong!

Here are a few gems she shares:

• Your husband ACCEPTS YOU FULLY (and what that actually mean)
• Your husband manages his energy and motivation differently than you do.
• How men change throughout their development, and how we change, too (but differently)
• How to communicate with your husband so that he'll WANT to help

LEARN MORE:

Alison Armstrong's programs can be found at her website UnderstandMen.com

I strongly recommend her two books, Keys to the Kingdom and The Queen's Code

Alison refers to our natural time schedules and the website thepowerofwhenquiz.com

Learn more about coaching with Kayla at FirstYearMarried.com (not just for newlyweds!)

To hear my previous interview with Alison, listen to Episodes 50 and Episode 51

UPDATE: How to Glow is now open for registration--but only for THREE DAYS! Make sure you get your spot at kaylalevin.com/coaching Can't wait to see you inside!!

---

This is a perfect continuation of the Real Goals podcast. Last week I discussed how we can use goals as a way of beating ourselves up or invalidating everything between here and there…

Having your back means that no matter what, you don’t use your failures to condemn or hate yourself.

In this episode you will learn:

Why we SHOULD call them failures

Why you want to embrace your failures

How to love yourself and be proud of yourself when you fail big

How to dream big without burnout

How to create a goal that gets you really excited

How to break the habit of beating yourself up in an attempt to be better

Have an audacious goal you want to commit to loving yourself through? I'd love to help you do this work--join us inside How to Glow and let's get to it!

This week I’m going to fill you in on our big move, how we use thought work to make major decisions, and how you can live a bigger life... without leaving your home. To learn more about the model and thought work, originated by Brooke Castillo, check out earlier episodes of the podcast!

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

It amazes me how much more comfortable we are talking about working on our parenting, but nobody wants to mention that they're working on their marriage.

Somehow, we can grow in parenting and it's noble, but if we need to grow in our marriage, it speaks of some deep failure in us.

But let's take a step back and consider...

What is actually going to make the biggest impact on your child's life? Another class, or a healthy and happy home?

In addition--not that we need anything beyond that--the meta-skills you learn in your marriage all translate to your parenting.

Self-awareness.

Self-control.

Self-compassion.

Realizing that no, your child is NOT actually the problem and yes, you CAN experience this differently.

And knowing how to do that.

Understanding how to step out of our experience and biases and see from another's perspective.

Modeling that negative emotions are not dangerous and we can handle some discomfort.

Count me in on that parenting class.

It starts with your marriage.

Join us at firstyearmarried.com/course

This week I'm sharing with you my thoughts about our thoughts--and how busy and attached we can get with them. 

(This is an advanced episode, so if you're new here I invite you to go back to some of the earlier episodes and revisit this one later.)

To get on the interest list for my next round of group coaching, go to firstyearmarried.com/coaching

In this episode Kayla introduces the Shana Rishona challenge, inspired by her First Year Married course. Kayla emphasizes the importance of cultivating 'newlywed energy' regardless of how long you've been married. She shares her recent experience of balancing family needs while revamping her marriage course and explains the purpose of the eight-day Shalom for Shalom challenge.

Resources:

• Join the Shana Rishona Challenge on WhatsApp
• Check out the First Year Married Course

00:00 Introduction to the Shana Rishona Challenge00:29 Personal Story and Inspiration01:04 Details of the Shalom Challenge02:04 Challenge Structure and Benefits03:17 Day One Challenge: What's Your Story?04:29 Course Information and Conclusion

This week we're diving into the idea of your relationship with Others--this can be the closer relationships like parents, siblings, and in-laws, or more distant relationships like coworkers or neighbors.

We usually run a paradox in our minds: "I wish you were less like you" and "I want us to have an authentic relationship."

But an authentic relationship means we accept the other person AS THEY ARE. 

Your brain wants to believe that if they changed you'd feel better. But the reality is, if you stopped resisting them as they are, you would IMMEDIATELY feel better. 

Crazy, no?

So join us this week as we talk about dropping the resistance, allowing ourselves to stop trying to please everyone else and show up in an authentic way, 

WHOOPEE! One of my absolute favorite humans, teachers, thought leaders, the marvelous Alison Armstrong, is back on the podcast this week!! 

We talked about what newlyweds come up against--the frustrations and struggles--and how they reappear at each stage along the line.

Mainly, you'll learn about expectations: how they change when we get married (for ourselves and for our partners) and how we often realize they're there a little too late.

I know you'll enjoy this episode so much!

LEARN MORE: 

Alison Armstrong's programs can be found at her website UnderstandMen.com

I strongly recommend her two books, Keys to the Kingdom and The Queen's Code 

Learn more about Kayla's upcoming Mastermind Group Program and 1:1 Coaching at FirstYearMarried.com (not just for newlyweds!)

To hear my previous interview with Alison, listen to Episodes 50 and Episode 51

It's been a crazy few weeks for us all! I'm sorry I haven't been here in a little bit but I needed to step back for a few weeks. Hopefully you had a chance to catch up on some older episodes during the break. ;) 

There's no possible way for a podcast episode to address the range of experiences and emotions that COVID-19 is bringing up for us. For some, it's the frustration of being stuck inside, needing our normal outlets, missing our friends and support systems. For others, it's the devastation of losing loved ones or anxiety about high-risk friends and family (or ourselves).

So instead of addressing this whole gamut of experiences, I wanted to give you one clear tool you can focus on. I find this personally to be very grounding when life feels out of control so I hope it will be valuable to you, as well.

This episode is about my love of using lists, and how lists pick up where scheduling can leave off.

Much of what I learned about lists and routines I learned as a newlywed from Marla Cilley, the Flylady.

Enjoy!

When the issue seems so big it can be hard to see the value of each small action. This week we're discussing the power of making small steps--whether in response to the war, in our marriages, or any area.

Also an update on the podcast, the Shalom for Shalom Project, and other ways to work on your marriage now.

To join the Shalom for Shalom Project on Whatsapp

Click here to join by email

This week I'm sharing our family's news which is why I've been MIA so far this summer. I'm also beginning our summer series where we'll be bringing back some of our listeners' most favorite episodes. This week is The Dreaded Housework--how can we use coaching concepts to improve our relationship with our more mundane parts of life?

This was originally a two-part episode--we are including both in this week's replay.

Sources from this episode:

Keys to the Kingdom - How men change over time and why it's so confusing.  

The Queen's Code - How we can bring out the best in men (and often bring out the worst) 

Episode 12 - Mind Management - For an introduction to thought work 

Updates: 

• First 5 Mastermind registration closes soon! Book a consult call here to learn more. Wednesdays at 2 PM Eastern.
• Another group for women married longer is forming as well. Email me at kayla@firstyearmarried.com to join the wait list.

Coming off the whirlwind of Jewish holidays, I feel like everyone is talking about taking things off your to-do list. 

I won't be doing that.

I'd like to talk about making your to-do list easier.

The mistake we make (and I have a long Shabbos prep saga to share the idea) is that we are constantly shifting between decision making and execution.

Instead of giving ourselves the chance to move into flow and get to work on a task, we question the task, reevaluate it, and often change tracks midway.

This week I'll be teaching you a simple tool to get more done with less time, simplifying your life--which I figure is one of the best ways to achieve a happy marriage.

In this episode you will learn:

• How to have an efficient planning session even if you are super overwhelmed
• How to get more done with less mental energy burn
• How to experience flow even in less glamorous tasks
• How to stay in execution mode and follow the plan you set

Ever been in that place where you KNOW you could drop the issue and move on but you just don't WANT to?

That's what this episode is all about.

The best news is: you get to stay angry if you want. Really, I mean it.

But I want you to decide with so much awareness.

This week I'll walk you through a coaching exercise to decide whether to keep or let go of your anger towards your husband (or really anyone else). Save it and repeat as many times for as many situations as you need.

And if you want to take this all further, join us inside of How to Glow -- Founder pricing is ending soon so get in BEFORE the end of the year and you can get weekly coaching for the amazing price of $39/month. kaylalevin.com/coaching

In the second half of my interview with Jamie Geller, we moved beyond cooking to some other major areas where she's been an inspiration to those around her.

As the head of the largest kosher food network, Jamie Geller has a lot to teach us about entrepreneurship. In this episode, she shares a bit about her background as a successful producer at HBO and the transition to building her own business. She also gives some really practical advice for those of us who are launching our own businesses.

I also asked Jamie to talk about her family's decision to make aliyah. What was the inspiration? what were the challenges? Jamie was extremely candid about her inspiration but also her resistance to the move, and what it's really like to pick up your whole family and move across the world.

Finally, we chatted about our great big cooking failures as newlyweds (and how our husbands helped us repackage the remains!).

Enjoy!

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Sources from this episode:

JamieGeller.com

Jewlish on Instagram

Jewlish on Facebook

Ever notice that the things that cause you the most stress are sometimes the exact thing you most wanted? Once upon a time we only dreamed of getting to know and understand our husbands better, have children, or land that exact job. And once we have them, it's so easy to forget and to allow those same things to overwhelm us and stress us out.

It's such a simple re-frame, but it can feel life changing when you need it. Make sure to listen this week to hear how to apply this in your life. Can't wait to hear from you about what dream you are living!

Resources from this week's episode:

Project Honeymoon: KaylaLevin.com/newlywed (Please share!)

How to Glow: KaylaLevin.com/coaching (Opens for registration the 28th)

The Franciska Show: Spotify Apple Podcasts

We're going to be using everything we know about the month of Elul and introspecting and reflecting and GROWING to benefit our marriages.

Join us by signing up for the email list at firstyearmarried.com -- I LOVE the workbooks I'm preparing for you all and can't wait to share them with you!

If you haven't done my Marriage Check-In mini-workbook yet, that's the best place to start (totally FREE when you join the email list) and more marriage-enhancing goodies coming your way all month!

Final thought: as you sign up, consider what helps you stay engaged and accountable. Whether that means you grab a buddy to do this together, get an accountability partner, repost to social as you go, or anything else you dream up.

Download the workbook here.

This is part 1 of a hot topic for many of you ladies, and I can completely understand why. This week I'll be sharing my paradigm shifts that have saved me from years of frustration and resentment when it came to partnering on housework with my husband. I'm sharing how we can use thought work (a la Brooke Castillo) on our house work (see what I did there?) and also some powerful insights from the research of Alison Armstrong.

I highly recommend Alison's two books as a great starting point for her research. They are written as fiction so they are an easy and fun read, but packed full of information. 

Keys to the Kingdom - How men change over time and why it's so confusing.

The Queen's Code - How we can bring out the best in men (and often bring out the worst)

Episode 12 - Mind Management - For an introduction to thought work

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠⁠kaylalevin.com⁠⁠

Want to make ANY changes in your life or relationship? The first step is self-awareness. No, I don't mean you need to go meditate on a grassy hill. You need to know what's driving you. What you're thinking. What's that inner monologue going through your head all day--and where's it taking you? Today I'm talking about the basics of getting yourself from self-centered (our default state) to self-aware.

PS Are you joining us for the next First Year Married course?

Register now at kaylalevin.com/newlywed or get on the waitlist for our next round!Married longer?

Check out my advanced monthly coaching group, How to Glow at kaylalevin.com/coaching

I love Purim + Thought Work!

So many women struggle on Purim. It's normal-- but it's not necessary.

Tune in to hear how you can make a thought-plan for Purim to make it a day more meaningful and enjoyable (yes even with the wildness, the mess, the over-sugared kids, and the vomiting husband)!

Want to join us next month? We'd love to have you in our community! kaylalevin.com/coaching to get on the wait list!

This could be the most important episode you listen to.

I’m sharing this week my journey, and that of my client, as we create more space for integration in a world that is so full of content.

It wasn’t easy or comfortable.

It was more profound and rewarding than either of us could have imagined.

---

Book recommendation: Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

Homework: Create space for integration by choosing one task (ie laundry, dishes, driving to work) that you will do with no audio input. Allow your brain to come up with what you’ll be thinking about.

Once you’ve listened, I’d love you to join the conversation. You can do that by emailing me at kayla @ firstyearmarried.com or going to https://anchor.fm/firstyearmarried to leave an audio note (click on where it says “message”--please keep audio notes under 1 minute so we can include them in a future episode!)

I look forward to hearing from you!

To make sure you are on the wait list for my next Mastermind group, go to firstyearmarried.com/coaching

Let's talk about disappointment. Whether you went to premarital counseling and made a bunch of agreements that haven't come through or he seems different from the guy you dated, feeling like your husband isn't "what you signed up for" is so common. This week we talk about where this comes from and what to do about it.

Welcome to the episode where I bonk you on the head my friends!

So many of you are rocking the intellectual game with this thought work. 

You see it in your friends and family.

You know your recurring thoughts.

You are even seeing some changes in how you show up.

But you have NOT taken out a pen and paper and actually done the heavy lifting!

I get it... until you've done it, it doesn't seem that important. 

Trust me on this one.

So this week I'm going to walk you through what exactly you can do to take this work deeper. What exactly to do with said pen and paper.

Can't wait to see what comes next for you.

For more help with this, watch the free class at www.firstyearmarried.com

Hope sounds so nice, doesn't it? Except when it gets us into trouble. This week I'm unpacking this seemingly innocent emotion that can sometimes keep us stuck--and how to know when we're in a helpful hope or a not-so-helpful hope.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

This week we are talking about how to dis-overwhelm yourself (yes, I made that up). I'll teach you the few simple steps to clarify your vision for the most difficult areas of your life and how to pursue achieve it, including the surprising reason we often lose track of our vision.

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠⁠kaylalevin.com⁠⁠

Rivki and I got together to talk about creativity. It was awesome. You should listen. Especially if you don't think you're creative, or you ever had anything be hard, basically, ever.

In this episode:

Rivki and Alex's awesome podcast, Deep Meaningful Conversations

Reach out to Rivki at rivkisilver@gmail.com

If you loved this episode, make sure to subscribe so you don't miss future ones. And I appreciate all your reviews and comments!

I am so excited to bring you this interview with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier, founder of TheShmuz.com and author of the new book, 10 Really Dumb Mistakes that Very Smart Couples Make.

We dove into a really interesting discussion about how men and women communicate differently, how we perceive and give criticism differently, and how changing our approach can have a powerful impact on our marriages.

Referenced in this episode:

Check out Rabbi Shafier's book here

To learn more about TheShmuz.com

It's crazy what a 180 we need to go through to go from dating to marriage. 

Dating: "Can this guy make me happy?"

Marriage: "It's not his job to make me happy... I make MYSELF happy!"

Is this a cop-out?

Is this even possible?

And what's the point of getting married if he's not going to make me happy?

Check out this week's replay for my two episodes all about the tool of Staying In Your Lane. It's one of the best things you can do for your marriage and your own happiness.

Resources from this week's episode:

The How to Glow Coaching Program

Jewish Money Matters podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

I was really excited about this episode when I recorded it, but after living with this work for a few weeks I'm convinced EVERY woman needs to hear it. Years of struggling with accepting my appearance just... over. It's a little bit advanced, but I think it will at least plant a very important seed, even for those who aren't familiar with thought work.

Please listen and forward to the women in your lives, whether they are newly married or not.

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠⁠kaylalevin.com⁠⁠

The way you think about yourself might have more of an impact on your marriage than you realize. Join me this week as we talk about self image and how it applies to how we show up in our marriages as well as some practical tools for what to do about it.

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

Want to hear the origin story of How to Glow? (Of course you do.)

What is this whole concept of "glow" anyway?

Check out what one of my community members says about it and what got us here in the first place.

Episode Resources:

How to Glow membership

This week we’re going to revisit a familiar topic and take the work further.

What is happening when you are feeling hurt?

Take the last time you were hurt (or disappointed, angry, frustrated…) with your husband and try to remember the specific details.

Consider that the reason that you were upset was that he wasn’t doing what you wanted him to be doing.

Try to identify what you DID want him to do. What was your plan or rule book for how he should behave?

But here’s the model.

You’re crying and he’s texting.

If he loved me, he’d be hugging me and taking care of me.

So you feel hurt, rejected, and maybe angry (much safer)

Here’s the reality:

Him texting when you are crying says nothing about his love for you.

So why are you hurt?

ONLY because of the thought you had about it.

We’re going to figure out this week how to find an alternative, how to clarify our vision, and how to experience the relationship we want.

Unconditional love is on YOU. Leave him out of it! You want a loving relationship? LOVE HIM. And not when he’s adorable and considerate. Love him when he’s a bear. Love him when he’s obnoxious.

Here are some thoughts that have really helped me with this...

--I love being in love

--I love being surprised by him

--He’s so different, so foreign to me, just when I think I know him he surprises me

Get a buddy, share this episode, and help each other use this information. It can be hard to observe our own brains sometimes. To work with me on-on-one, you can email me at kayla@kaylalevin.com or fill out the form at firstyearmarried.com and I’ll send you my booking calendar.

For more ideas about the "rule book" (or the "manual") check out Brooke Castillo's podcast, The Life Coach School Podcast.

In this week’s episode, I’m going to teach you a fun, easy tool that you can use to access the “wise” part of your brain when your thoughts feel out of control.

When we get caught up in anxiety, insecurity, resentment, or other strong emotions, especially if we are also newly-married and those emotions can be super intense, it can feel like our thoughts are spinning out of control. We get caught up in playing out every scenario, every conversation, every imaginary argument, and it feels productive but the truth is it gets us nowhere.

To recenter ourselves, to get back to a place where our thoughts can serve us and help us to get to a more balanced place, we need another “voice” that is distinct from the one spinning out of control.

So on this episode, I’ll teach you how to access your inner guru and play out some fun scenarios of what that could look like.

Want to take this work further and join a community of women committed to enjoying the newlywed season and growing as they do it? Check us out at www.firstyearmarried.com/course

See more episodes at www.firstyearmarried.com/podcast

I love sharing tips with other women (and sometimes men) about what makes running the home easier for them. In a way, our personality comes out in our hacks. And so this week we're keeping it light and I'm offering you my favorite tips and tricks that help me run the home. I look forward to hearing yours and sharing them on next week's episode! 

Ready for a pep talk? Raquel Kirszenbaum is a popular teacher and speaker and I invited her to come onto the podcast to give us a boost of her energy (she has so much to spare!), positivity, and drive for Torah and a meaningful life. You won't want to miss this one. Make sure to share it with a friend!

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

Last week we talked about finding your inner guru, the voice of calm that you can call upon when your brain feels like it’s spinning out of control.

This week I want to introduce you to the idea of finding an external guru.

The concept is simple. Find an area where you struggle, whether practically or emotionally. And instead of troubleshooting, look for the person for whom this is natural, satisfying, even... dare I say it... fun?

Actually, you don't need to go looking, because this summer I will be interviewing one powerful woman each week to be our guru in all the areas I hear most from you that you are struggling with. Whaaat!!! This is going to be so. much. fun.

Make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a single episode! We have some AMAZING interviews lined up!

https://firstyearmarried.com/ep-79-find-a-guru-and-summer-series-announcement/

Happy Chanukah! This week I'm on vacation but I wanted to send you a blast-from-the-past--this episode was originally aired all the way back in August of 2019! Hard to believe. It's a great reminder of how we can use the idea of the Five Love Languages to help ourselves--not to make us feel like we are missing out in what we need from our husbands.

Want more? Go to kaylalevin.com/coaching and join the wait list for access to my Marriage Check-In workbook and to find out when doors open next for How to Glow!

It's about to be one of the busiest seasons of the year and I want to give you a skill to get back a lot of your time.

One of the main reasons we waste time is called buffering. Buffering is any time we engage in an activity and we lose out in the end--usually to avoid some negative emotion, whether that's loneliness, disconnection, boredom, anxiety... pick your poison :)

Today I'll go over how to identify your buffers, why it's so crucial that you learn the skill of NOT buffering, and how you can go about it.

In this episode I walk you through the 7 factors to look for in finding a mentor for your marriage. Having a coach, mentor, and really taking advantage of all of the resources you can get your hands on is so important for building a solid foundation to your marriage. As I discuss in this episode, you may have 4-5 careers in your life but you hope to only have one marriage... isn't it odd how much more we often invest in mentors for our careers? Listen and jot down these 7 things to look for and then go get yourself a mentor!

Also, if you haven't already, check out Episode 14 where I first discussed having a marriage mentor.

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠⁠kaylalevin.com⁠⁠

This question came in from a listener on Instagram. There are several factors to consider before starting a family, but I (of course) want to talk to you about your mind. Start HERE before you move onto the checklist of "must haves" and "to dos." 

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

Sometimes it's not about coaching yourself, it's about acceptance.

It's so easy to fall for the myth that we're supposed to always feel good.

Ironically, thinking we're always supposed to feel good... feels terrible.

It creates so much resistance.

Today I'm sharing one of my "one of those days" days. And I know you have them, too. Here's how we can allow them, which actually allows us to tap into a deeper level of our own truth and helps us move past and through so much more easily.

 I am a big fan of Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. However, I've been seeing some women use this powerful information in a way that actually hurts their relationship, not help it. This week I'll give you a quick overview of the 5 Love Languages, tell you the trap you want to avoid, and how to use this material to benefit your marriage the most.

The 5 Love Languages Book*: https://amzn.to/2Zwz4eX

*affiliate link

Today I'm excited to bring you a conversation with Shevi Samet, a Jewish educator who, among other things specializes in working with women before and after marriage. 

We're going super meta here today, talking about true meaning of marriage (we discuss this from the perspective of Torah concepts but feel free to use this as a springboard for your own belief work).

We also dove into why we get married, the social and individual concepts that drive us that we sometimes aren’t even aware of, the difference between love and commitment, and some bizarre and yet very helpful metaphors about parenting and marriage. 

Most importantly, make sure you listen to the end when Shevi explains where love and giving fit into a marriage and how neither have anything to do with selflessness. 

You can find Shevi at @itsalearninglife on Instagram or by email at sametshevi at gmail.com 

This week sharing one of my favorite Jewish ideas, which I was reminded of by a Tony Robbins quote. Who... last I checked... was most definitely not a rabbi 🤣⁠

The word for love in Hebrew is ahava. The root word of ahava is "hav" which means "give." This is here to remind us that the root of love is giving.⁠

What's the last project you truly invested in? ⁠

Didn't you love it?⁠

The more we work, the more we try, the more we love.⁠

And yet we somehow expect our marriages to do all the work for us. As if a marriage is a THING that can WORK. But somehow they should make us happy.... or they're broken.⁠

So this week we're turning it all on its head.⁠

Please join us 💜⁠

Meredith Boggs is back this week and we are continuing our discussion about social media and its impact on our marriages.

Listen to hear:

• The value of giving ourselves some time in the morning before getting on our smartphones.
• Us busting the myth that anyone can “do it all”
• Why there is no shame in admitting you get help!
• How to stop the scroll once and for all

Get Meredith’s Stop the Scroll download at her website. 

[The Newlywed Mastermind is open for registration for the March cohort! What in the WORLD are you waiting for?! www.firstyearmarried.com/coaching]

Who says coaching has to be complicated?

In this week's episode, I'm sharing a quick tip for building more positivity, commitment, and love in your relationship... and you can do the entire thing yourself. Working on your marriage isn't always about the heavy lifting--sometimes, it's a small shift in mindset and a tiny detail.

Also, coffee.

(Photo by Takahiro Sakamoto on Unsplash)

If you've been struggling to stay on track with a decision you made, this episode is for you.

So often, we make decisions when what we should be making are goals. 

What's the difference? A decision is one-and-done. A goal is a process. If you think you're making a decision but you really need a goal, you'll end up weakening your faith in yourself and creating a lot of extra frustration. If you set a goal that could easily just be a decision, you're spinning your wheels on work you don't need to do.

Listen this week to learn how to distinguish between a goal and a decision, how to make each, and how to stick to it.

Hey there! In this podcast episode, I want to talk to you about why it's so important to keep your phone out of the bedroom, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy marriage. Now, I know that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to marriage advice, but I truly believe that every couple should design their own marriage and create a relationship that works for them.

In this episode, I explain that getting your phone out of the bedroom is a crucial step in maintaining your mental health and building intimacy with your partner. With social media and constant communication, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and anxious, which can disrupt your sleep and make it difficult to build strong relationships.

I also discuss the challenges of giving up your phone as an alarm clock, but emphasize the importance of making conscious decisions about the values you prioritize in your marriage. Ultimately, I hope this episode helps you take a step towards a healthier, happier, and more intimate marriage.

As noted in the episode, you can join How to Glow here: kaylalevin.com/coaching

Welcome back to you and me!!

Today we're talking about what shana rishona is really all about. It might not be what you think! (Plus a tool that can help you at any stage of your marriage.)

The First Year Married program launches June 2! If you're a newlywed, you can sign up here: kaylalevin.com/newlywed

The Glow Community to join us for Mastermind the Worst Part of Your Day: kaylalevin.com/coaching

Give a gift to a newlywed or a friend who could use some extra support: kaylalevin.com/gift

FREE Shalom for Shalom Challenge

WhatsApp: bit.ly/shalom30

Email: bit.ly/shalom-challenge

Mentor sessions coming up on the podcast! Know someone who has great ideas to offer about improving some area of our lives? Email me at kayla @ kaylalevin.com your ideas--whether it's you or someone you know!

Podcast: Ep. 62 - Your Marriage Is A Baby

This week I want to share with you a common trap we can get into when we've done our own self-coaching work. Coaching is amazing, and as we start to feel better and better in our lives, we can miss the big picture. The big picture ISN'T to just keep feeling better and better.

Listen this week as I share what this trap might look like and what's available to us beyond the me-first mentality.

I'll say it... the first year of marriage can be HARD! Being a newlywed is such a tremendous adjustment, and it can create a lot of insecurity and anxiety for some people. This week I'm talking about the ways in which our marriages get better with time (and the right focus) and how to find a mentor who will guide you and inspire you in improving your marriage. 

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

Traveling together… there is so much to say and I hope we’re able to come back to this topic more over the course of this podcast.

Is this a vacation or a family trip? If it’s a family trip, who is being prioritized? If it’s your spouse, what does your husband need to be supported and what will you need to be able to give that support?  What might come up? What is the goal of the trip?

Asking your brain the right questions can take any trip and evolve it to deliver far more value to your life and your marriage. If you have an upcoming vacation with your spouse, listen to this one now and maybe even once more before you leave. Enjoy!

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

Resources:

• ⁠⁠Join the Shana Rishona Challenge on WhatsApp⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠Check out the First Year Married Course

💞 Shana Rishona Challenge Day 3: Your Values Audit!

Today I'm talking about values, especially when you feel your husband isn't exactly living up to the values in some (large or small) way.

We can often get so stuck in feeling we either have to "accept" what he's doing or figure out a way to change him. I want you to know there's a third way. You go straight to the value. Is tefilah important to you? Great. Live it. Focus on YOUR davening. Get a chevrusah and study the meaning in depth. Value HIS davening--even if it isn't happening quite how you thought it would--not so your positivity will "train" him to want to daven more, but because it's a value you want in your home.

This week's challenge is to look that the values that you want in your home--yes, even the ones you feel you or he aren't doing so great with--and step back and consider what's the best way to create an environment that nurtures those values?

Our brain is kind of like Google. We can ask it a question like, ‘does my boss like me?’ and it’ll spit back results - right?

Wrong.

No sirree.

Big fat no.

Our brain is NOT like Google. It gives us results to questions we didn’t even ask it. And those results can be terrifying sometimes (read: often). But once you understand how your brain’s search engine works, you can actually take control of it.

As we wrap up 2020 I wanted to share a simple tool that can have a profound impact on how you experience your marriage: the Marriage Check-In.

Now, there are ways in which just generally thinking about our marriages can actually lead us unintentionally into negativity and worry.

A structured process allows us to guide our brains to help us to think creatively and proactively so we find answers that will give us the biggest real-life benefit.

To get the PDF, go to www.FirstYearMarried.com and join the email list. You'll get it in your inbox!

Enjoy!

Kayla

This week we go from our introspection and accounting energy (last week’s podcast) into the “fresh notebook” energy of Elul. It’s time to set our goals, and I challenge you to do this from “big-dream” energy, not “what I think I can get” energy.

Download your episode workbook here: firstyearmarried.com/ep-119-elul-your-marriage-part-2-dreams-and-connection/

In this week’s podcast you’ll learn

• How to set goals for what you REALLY want in your marriage
• How to get out of victim or blame mode and make effective changes in your marriage
• How to dream bigger without fear that you can’t have what you really want

Also, a reminder! The Newlywed mastermind is opening for registration SOON! Make sure you're on the wait list! firstyearmarried.com/coaching/

Professional organizer/stylist Shira Gill talks about how to hack the thinking of a tidy person, what simple system she uses with all her clients to go from overwhelming mess to styled space, and how she and her husband communicate about their different tidiness-styles.  This episode is PACKED with tips and amazing ideas. Enjoy!

Follow Shira:

www.ShiraGill.com

instagram.com/shiragill

If you're guilty of skipping meals in lieu of a coffee or regularly staying up too late but can't really get motivated to break those habits (or you can't even imagine why you'd want to), this interview is for you.

I had Lauren Allen, health coach with a focus on hormonal health, come on and give us some practical, real-life tips (and share her amazing story) so we can go from post-Pesach-blah (is it just me?) to feeling more energetic and focused.

Connect with Lauren:

laurenallennutrition.com

Instagram: @LaurenAllenNutrition

To hear Lauren's guest talk in May and participate in our group challenges, join us inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of married Jewish women. Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

Today I want to talk to you about the idea of how we relate to one another's feelings and how that relates to the idea that our own thoughts create our feelings.

Specifically, we're going to take this into our marriages:

• "I want to be happy" turns into "I need my husband to do xyz so I will be happy"
• "I want my husband to be happy" becomes "I'm responsible to do everything he says will make him happy"

On the other end of the spectrum, we could go too far-- taking NO responsibility for our behavior, having no sensitivity to what the other person wants or cares about, and washing our hands of it by saying, "well, it's HIS thoughts that made him upset, not me."

Want to dive deeper into this work? Doors open soon for How to Glow and I'd love to have you join us! Just head over to kaylalevin.com/coaching to find out more.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

I finally left social media, after years of thinking about it, considering it, and weighing the pros and cons.

I wanted to share my thought process with you.

Whether your decision is about social media or any other area of your life where you're constantly wavering back and forth, I hope this episode will help you gain some clarity on HOW we can make decisions that we love.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

We are celebrating a holiday in the Jewish world... one that isn't quite as famous as Yom Kippur or Passover... today is Purim!

What happens on Purim? Among many other things, like donating money to charity, hearing the story of Purim read in synagogue, dressing up and bringing gifts to friends… men drink. Sometimes women drink, too, but generally it’s the men. And with that often comes behaviors that make us uncomfortable, nervous, critical...

And this can make some women really uncomfortable. But guess what, it’s not Purim’s fault, because we have similar situations coming in from non Jewish listeners, too!

"He doesn’t know how to be around my family."

"He blew it at work."

"He’s so embarrassing when he fights with my friends."

There are two pieces to this that we have to get clear on. 

1. Identification -- we have  a primal instinct to want to be accepted into the team or the tribe. Once you know that, you can start to settle that very anxious part of your brain that thinks this is all going to kill you.

2. Judgement -- wait, me? No way! Yep, call it like it is, my friend. Start to notice when you're in judgement. Be honest with yourself, so that you can start to learn when and how to move out of judgement.

Check out the podcast for the how-to on working through these two issues.

Happy Purim for those celebrating!

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching

This week I want to offer some really practical solutions for when life--or your marriage--is getting really hard.

• When you should NOT be trying to do thought work
• How to get past "cliche" forms of self care to something that would really be helpful for you
• The role our lower brain plays in our well-being and how to deal with your nervous system
• Clarify what your signs are that you're spiraling
• How to use your brain to help you find solutions when you're feeling stuck

Registration opens at the end of the month for How to Glow. Join us here: kaylalevin.com/coaching

For many newlyweds, they are feeling a lot of shame about negative emotions about their marriage.

It's important to know that there is a known physiological high that comes at the beginning of a relationship.

For many women, there is also the wedding high.

And just like ANYTHING new you begin, there’s a back-to-reality moment.

I want you to know that that’s totally fine.

Being a newlywed is, on an emotional level, like slow cooker vs instapot…… all the emotions are intensified.

Here are some emotions I think you can totally feel sometimes in a perfectly healthy marriage:

Annoyed.

Enchanted.

Frustrated.

Resentful.

Curious.

Insecure -- in him and in you.

It’s all fine. It’s all invited here.

Where you want to be careful is getting too attached to your story that’s creating the thought.

You can feel all the feels. But you also don’t have to get attached to the story that led to them.

Was he maybe the wrong guy? Is he inconsiderate? Is he not driven enough? Does he not care enough about your religious values?

Notice those thoughts and know that they’re okay, too.

The amazing thing that happens is that when we’re scared to think these thoughts, is that we fixate on them. They terrify us. 

I recently got coached on this. One of my kids did something very dangerous and I was reeling for a month afterwards. I kept having this thought, I can’t keep them safe. But I didn’t want to think that thought, it made me feel sick it was so scary, so I tried to push it away. Guess what happened? I had that thought approximately twenty billion times a day. All my mental energy was in this back and forth energy of thinking/pushing away/coming back… it was exhausting, and I was just getting more and more anxious.

It wasn’t until my coach had me get really curious about that thought, to notice it and accept it and even see where it’s true and where it’s not as true and notice what the thought was creating that I was able to move on from the anxiety.

You can feel all the feels, without constantly regenerating them by fixating on the thoughts.

You can be cranky sometimes.

If you want more support to take this further, I just opened a few more spots for one on one coaching. I take you through the full FYM process with private, one on one coaching, you get lifetime access to the full online course, you learn all the material AND how to apply it in your unique situation. To apply, go to firstyearmarried.com and click “personal coaching” up top.

Have an amazing week.

This episode is for my listeners and clients who have been married longer than a year but are still wanting inspiration and improved connection with their spouses. Here are my tips on how to bring the "newlywed vibe" back to your marriage, why the 4-7 year phase can be tricky, and some tips on setting up your marriage for the long haul.  (By the way, newlyweds, you should listen too and gain some tips for what's to come!)

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

I'm dropping in here this week to give you a quick reframe if you're struggling to feel energized this Pesach. Because I love you!!! Enjoy--and please share with whoever needs it! If you're a new listener, please subscribe and join us for the journey!

If you're new here, please subscribe! If you need more of this, you must get into the online How to Glow community. Like, now. kaylalevin.com/coaching

This week I'm so excited to bring you Lauren Ohayon of the popular Restore Your Core and One Strong Mama programs. Lauren is a body expert who guides her clients to prepare for healthy births and recovery. I asked Lauren to come on and share with us, since I've had so many questions about preparing for and recovering from a first pregnancy. Whatever type of birth you are aiming for, I just love how Lauren describes how the body works and functions in a way that is totally understandable and holistic.

We morphed from interview to conversation, but I think you'll really enjoy eavesdropping on that so I included our conversation on our brain's power over our bodies (so if pregnancy isn't on your radar you may want to skip ahead to about 2/3 through the episode to hear this).

Sources from this episode:
Restore Your Core
One Strong Mama
@thelaurenohayon on Instagram

2019 was the year of the podcast at First Year Married (we passed 40k!!!). I’ve been honored to meet you, to have your sisters and friends get hooked, to introduce this work I’m so passionate about. Thank you everyone!! 

2020 is going to be the year of group coaching. It’s time to take this work and really dive deep and apply it. Improving our marriages improves every area of our life, and it’s the best place to work on this thought work, which is then a piece of cake to apply elsewhere in our lives. 

Group Coaching Details:

• NOT just for newlyweds (and therefore I need name ideas)
• Monthly focus video
• Worksheets and journal pages
• Twice monthly calls
• Whatsapp group
• Sign up at FirstYearMarried.com/course -- all participants get 3 months of group coaching for free, then can continue on from there!

The Marriage You Want. Here's what I hear...

• My husband is great but still want a divorce
• I don't want a divorce, but he drives me crazy
• I'm not showing up how I want, I get in a funk or I'm mean
• I'm not measuring up to the wife I have in mind, the one who always has a clean house, makes delicious meals, never gets angry, always feels loving -- even if intellectually I know that’s all ridiculous

Here’s the thing. If you are unhappy in your marriage it's ALWAYS because of your THOUGHTS.

Example: husband not helping

"If he’d only be more involved... if he’d do what I needed... if he’d tell me to get to bed when I’m obviously falling apart..."

So let’s say you cook a delicious dinner. You leave work even though you’d rather stay and finish a few things up, shlep to the store, get all the ingredients from this fancy Pinterest recipe you found, slave in the kitchen, you’re starving because now it’s already 8 PM and he’s come in three times to sniff around… and now he reaches into the cabinet and takes out a box of crackers and sits down on the couch to eat them. Now you’re fuming, you’re resentful, what’s happening here?

You're cooking, and he's eating.

That's it.

This is all about awareness. It really does feel like he’s the problem, I know. And the obvious solution is -- at least in theory -- to switch him out for a newer model. But here’s the thing-- wherever you go, there you are. So even if you ultimately make a choice to end the marriage, even if I give you that, don’t do it because you haven’t taken responsibility for your own feelings. Don’t do it because your brain is running wild and you aren’t paying attention.

Don't forget to sign up for the free course at FirstYearMarried.com/course or watch the free introductory video at FirstYearMarried.com

Dating. It’s all about “do we have the same values?” “Do we want the same things?” And some version of, “can I be happy with him?”

Marriage. It’s a journey of learning, knowing, and seeing the other person fully, accepting them unconditionally.

Could they be any more different? 

To go from one to another is a process. In this week’s episode, I’m going to show you how you can help your brain if it’s stuck in Dating Mindset (even once you’re married!), evaluating and wishing your husband would be different than he is.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is a Dating Mindset and a Marriage Mindset?
  
• How we use exploration and curiosity in both phases
  
• How to transition from a Dating to a Marriage Mindset
  
• Why it’s not a problem for it to take some time and what to do if it does

Get on the wait list for the next Marriage Mastermind at www.firstyearmarried.com/coaching

A good relationship with your in-laws is possible—even if it doesn’t always feel that way. In this episode, we’re tackling one of the most common struggles I hear from newlyweds: feeling criticized or undermined by their mother-in-law.

But what if the issue isn’t confidence, boundaries, or even her intentions? What if the key is simply allowing yourself to be new at this? I’ll walk you through a mindset shift that transforms interactions with your MIL from stressful to supportive—so you can embrace her advice (or let it roll off your back) with ease.

This is the final day of the Shana Rishona Challenge—let’s finish strong! 🎉

Resources:

• Join our Shalom Challenge on WhatsApp to find out when the next challenge comes out: bit.ly/4shalom
• Check out the First Year Married course, open now! kaylalevin.com/newlywed
• Looking for more? I have a few spots open for private coaching. Maybe one of them is yours. Book a free consult call with me and let's find out! kaylalevin.com/coaching

HOT TOPIC today, ladies. 

Whether this is relevant to you personally or not, I encourage you to listen for the tools I share in the context of this question.

UPDATE: As of the posting of this episode, doors are open for How to Glow! GET IN TODAY for my best tools, live and written coaching, and the chance to hear other people get coached and grow from that! https://kaylalevin.com/coaching

This week I'll be discussing...

• How to know when you need acceptance/thought work vs. a boundary
• How to deal with internal triggers
• The effect that western society has had on both women AND men -- and how understanding it will help you navigate this
• How to have a productive conversation when you've been hurt

Alison Armstrong is BACK for the second half of our interview together!

Here are some highlights from this week's episode:

"Honey we have an issue" --why these are dreaded words to a man

"Women are very motivated by upset, they don't want to upset anybody. So we try to motivate men to change by telling hem how upset we are. And it doesn't work at all. And we don't notice it doesn't work at all."  - Alison Armstrong

How to make the shift from complaining to getting help solving your problems.

Breaking down "self care" into something actionable.

Identifying your favorite feelings and becoming self-sufficient in providing them for yourself.

For some of us... learning to be an adult while also being a newlywed.

How men see beauty so differently than we do.

Finally, a life lesson from her beloved late husband, Greg.

Thank you, Alison, for taking the time to share your wisdom with us! For more from Alison Armstrong, you can find her at www.understandmen.com

Fall is around the corner and many of us are anticipating new routines and structures. Instead of just creating a routine, let's create a schedule we're actually excited to live. This week I'm going to walk you through the five main challenges that you might face when it comes to time. We'll start with awareness and understanding, and dive into strategies and solutions next week.

Episode Resources:

How to Glow coaching membership

Ep. 2 - Why You Don't Have Enough Time

Ep. 6 - Zero Based Scheduling Update 

Ep. 66 – Coronavirus & Zero Based Scheduling on the Fly

ANNOUNCEMENT - this is the last week to sign up for the Kallah Cohort! You can do that here.

Today it’s time to talk about letting go of your marriage.

Not the one you’re in. I mean the one you thought you’d be in.

You’ve been married a few months, maybe a year. The cracks are starting to show.

This is NOT what you had in mind.

This is not what your friends said it was like, or how it looks when you see other couples.

This is not what you thought it would feel like.

And when I encourage you to let go of all that, you think it’s sad.

It’s devastating, really.

But that’s not how I see it as your coach.

In this week’s podcast, I’m going to tell you why you REALLY need to let go of your fantasy marriage.

On the two year anniversary of my "diaversary" - the date of my type 1 diabetes diagnosis - I wanted to talk about how we use thought work when we can't improve a situation.

We focus a lot on what we can change--SO MUCH more is in our power than we realize.

But sometimes it's not in our control. What do we do with that? 

www.firstyearmarried.com

Hey newlyweds,

What do you do if your husband is spending more time on his phone than communicating with you? What will this mean when kids come along (if they haven't already) and how he's going to be able to connect to him? What if he's getting defensive when you ask him to put away his phone? How much are phones supposed to be used in a healthy marriage?

This week we're talking all about the "other wife"--your husband's phone 

This topic can make us crazy--I get it--but we're going to focus on a practical framework to work on this area in your home. 

Because let's face it... you probably have a phone, too...

Check out this week's episode for a four-step solution to unhealthy phone usage in your new marriage.

Here are the steps for you to review when you come back to implement this material!

Step 1. The Brain Dump (and analyze)

Step 2. Your Vision

Step 3. Self-Work

Step 4. Pick Your Timeline.

I love hearing your questions and I recently got two questions that deserved a better answer than I could give in a quick online chat. Both women were asking about getting what they need from their husbands. Our first question deals with not feeling connected to a husband who travels a lot and doesn't help out when he's home. Our second question is about not getting validation when she needs it. Thank you so much for sending in your questions! If you'd like to send in a question, you can do so @firstyearmarried on Instagram.

Hi my friends. I did a webinar about a week ago with. Devra from Adai Ad, and I wasn't planning on sending it to the podcast, but I heard back from so many people that it made such a huge difference. That it was exactly the kinds of things that they're worrying about dealing with, struggling with over Yom Tov spending Yom Tov with family, especially if you have young children.

But even if not, managing those dynamics between your husband and your family, or his family, and you and their family and all the different things. Right. Devora had some really phenomenal advice, and of course I'm bringing all the coaching and, um, mindset work and typical relationship things in the whole newlywed experience.

So I asked if it would be okay for me to repost this over here on the podcast. She said yes, because she's awesome and I'm sharing it over here with you. I also wanna let you know that if you're hearing any of this and thinking, okay, but. It sounds really good. I'm not exactly sure how to apply it to my situation or my family, or you know, how we're dealing with things.

We will be working on relationships for the entire month of October. We even have one call during chol hamoed and there will be written coaching. So if you know that you're gonna be needing some support, I am here to support you during that time, and I wanna really, really encourage you to make this the time that you go ahead and join How To Glow Today, because once you're inside, you're gonna have access to the tools that are gonna get you up and running, and you'll be able to get live coaching with me and written coaching. So anytime you have a question, you can just send it in and it'll get back to you within a couple days.

Sometimes even the same day. All right, so this is the way that I have to support you. I know it's making a huge difference for the women that are inside the program, and I really want to be able to help you as well. So you just go to KaylaLevin.com/coaching. You'll be able to sign up immediately and get started on those courses.

So by the time you get to the next call, which we have calls every single week, you'll be ready to go. You'll understand the tools that we use. Everything is made to be really short and simple. So, You're not sitting there watching hours and hours of classes. Nobody has time for that right now, but you could listen while you're doing your cooking or packing, right?

Be ready to get and get some coaching so we can just, let's just fix whatever these issues are so you don't have to be carrying them from year to year. Wouldn't that be amazing? All right, so that is my offer to you, to come inside and join us for October and work on relationships. I will teach you a completely different way to approach relationships. It is not about communication. That will be enough to just show you that it is not what you've heard before , and it is such a massive relief, and it allows you to really appreciate people that you think right now you will never be able to really appreciate.

KaylaLevin.com/coaching. In the meantime, I hope you love this conversation with Devora from Adai Ad 

Pursuing happiness tends to make it even more elusive.

Most of the women I know and work with know that sitting on the couch with bonbons when life is feeling a little unsatisfying is not going to do the trick. So in this ongoing conversation about self-care, I’m going to make another distinction that I think can help us.

There are activities that make your life better..

and there’s rest.

And both are critical.

When we use “self-care-type activities” to FEEL BETTER (to feel happy, fulfilled, enjoying our life), I’m not sure it’s so effective.

When we rest because we are so drained or depleted that there are no happy thoughts to think, (or–please–catch yourself before you get to this point when you can) we set ourselves up to rejoin a life that has meaning and purpose which then leads to real fulfillment and happiness.

You can rest on your couch or at a 5-star-spa for all I care, but know that your rest isn’t going to give you what you really need. It’s crucial, but it’s function is just to get you back in the game.

This month we are focusing on Your Big Story--that story that doesn't even feel like a thought, it feels like the TRUTH. It's how you describe your life, how you feel about your life, and if isn't serving you, this is the month for us to find one that will.

Join us for our February topic in my coaching community at kaylalevin.com/coaching

Meet Rena Reiser, Intuitive Eating Coach at Mind Over Munchies. I had so much fun interviewing Rena and hearing about the tools she uses as an intuitive eating coach to help her clients. So many of us struggle with our relationship with food, and Rena is knowledgeable and relatable, so I know you will love hearing from her! 

https://www.renareiser.com

Check out my newest free resources and programs at ⁠kaylalevin.com⁠

My job as your coach is to help you become an expert in using your brain. Your unique brain, with its individual quirks, yes. But our brains are so much more similar than they are different. Here are some of the things brains do:

Interpret facts and think it’s reality

Focus on what other people are doing and lose self-awareness

Take ourselves really literally (when I think “I can’t do this,” my brain believes me and responds accordingly)

Check out this week’s episode to learn my favorite tools that I use and teach to help us all be experts in using our brains to create the lives we want.

And if you're ready to take this work further, visit https://kaylalevin.com/coaching and join the program to get live coaching and work directly with me on mastering your brain and improving your life.

Are you Glowing? Do you know what that is--and why you might not be? Do you know the power of being in this mode? Today I'm sharing with you one of your most precious resources and what might be holding you back from using it, plus a coaching challenge for you to try out this week!

Visit bit.ly/glowpodcast to subscribe

Want to get coaching to apply this work to your life? I'm there to coach you every week inside of the How to Glow program. Join us at kaylalevin.com/coaching

I think the title pretty much sums it up.

If you're new here, please subscribe!

If you need more of this, you must get into the online How to Glow community. Like, now. kaylalevin.com/coaching

Also, if you want to check out Ilana Kendal's book Choosing Up, you can do so right here.

This is a LANDMARK episode for How to Glow because today's guest has had a tremendous influence on the way that I approach coaching and personal development for you all. Rebbetzin Miriam Kosman is a lecturer, teacher, and author of the book Circle, Arrow, Spiral and she joins me today to discuss what gender is all about in Jewish thought and how that might apply to us in our lives and relationships.

Want to take this work further? I would love to coach you inside my coaching program, How to Glow. It's a no-commitment monthly program where you can get coached every week and be part of an amazing community of women. Ready to give it a try? Join today at kaylalevin.com/coaching