Home Fires (Tilly Dillehay)

Tilly and Abigail discuss marital submission and settle all of your questions once and for all.

But seriously, they talk about the challenge of being a Christian wife who seeks to adorn herself by being submissive to her husband (1 Pet. 3:5).  Marital submission is lovely, but it is often difficult. Like climbing on the back of a tandem bike, a woman's role in marriage requires effort and coordination.

They discuss the difficult marriage (as referenced in 1 Pet. 3:1-2), as well as the more typical Christian marriage between an average Christian woman who expects much from her average Christian man doing his best. They also ask whether it's better to submit in full agreement, or to submit despite disagreement.

With Tilly away caring for a new baby, homeschooling littles, working behind the scenes for a new coffee shop endeavor, and generally tending her actual home fires, Jenni Naselli graciously joins Abigail and agrees to be put in the hot seat for an interview. 

Jenni shares how she came to trust Christ as well as the story of how she met and married her husband, Andy. Get ready to absorb some helpful wisdom as you hear how Jenni's parents carefully and tenderly shepherded her through her young adult years. We don't have to do exactly as Jenni's parents did, but we can learn so much from the godly principles they exhibit. 

This week, Megan Basham joins us to talk about the widely supported claim that inside and outside the church, we should "believe all women." Where did this phrase come from? What does it mean? What does it mean for the local church, the local university, the family, and the justice system?

This week, Greg Morse joins the podcast to talk about the "hard words" of scripture. We read and discuss challenging statements that ask us to make hard choices: to repent or remain in sin, to worship God or worship false gods. Greg's own testimony is an illustration of how the Lord often uses "hard words" to move our hearts and change our lives.

Abigail and Tilly talk to Rosaria Butterfield about the radically ordinary role of the home in reaching lost and lonely people. What are some creative ways of opening our homes to real people in the age of Covid? How do we talk to unbelievers about sin? How do we edify other Christians in our homes?

This week, we're joined by Jenni Naselli for a relaxed conversation about how our families keep the Advent season. We also touch on the day-after slump, which strikes all and sundry, and the ways to bless others when you're the guest instead of the host.

We'll be taking a break for the Christmas season. We'll pick up and finish out Season 3 in the new year! See you then!

In Abigail's bedroom, the ladies settle into deep armchairs with cups of tea and chat about Christmas. In their most relaxed conversation to date, they manage to talk about a few substantive things... but first they find they must discuss monochromatic Christmas decor, "fencing" Christmas like you would the Lord's table or the marriage bed, and why it's a bad idea to gift gifts to charities in a giftees name. This is the final episode of Season 1.

Tilly and Abigail talk about home as a "safe space." In the midst of a culture that seems to have a lot of new ideas about what constitutes safety and danger, can we think of our homes as the place of retreat? Is it more dangerous to be out in the world with our guards up, or inside the four walls of our home with our guards down? What do older, wiser saints show us about the work of the home and safetyism? On Election Day, when many of us are hunkered down in our "safe space" waiting for results, this seemed like a good episode to release.

Tilly and Abigail talk about how mothers in particular engage in the great battle against "the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph 6:12). The home is not located safely behind the combat line, out of danger; rather, the line of combat runs right through the home. Women are in active combat roles, so what are the areas of Satan's attack that might be specific to Christian mothers?

Tilly and Abigail cozy up indoors in separate states to talk about the heart of gratitude, how it is affected by social media, and then social media itself and how to use it. With different social media habits that serve different ends (and different seasons of life), they each have something to share about how social media interplays with their spiritual and social lives.

Nancy Wilson joins us to talk about homemaking as a calling that changes shape through the years. The details change quite a bit from when kids are small, to when they're teenagers, to when they leave the nest and the home continues to be a center of ministry. In every stage, homemaking is a calling that requires walking by faith.

Tilly and Abigail talk about Abigail's new book, Bread of Life. While each of them (by coincidence!) keep an eye on pumpkin bread baking a few rooms away, they discuss baking and the Christian walk, Jesus as the "what is it" manna, Eve spewing out the word of God in order to accept and digest the lies of the serpent, and four kinds of Bible reading women... this episode is a fun preview of a beautiful, practical, and beautifully written book about Jesus, the bread of life.

Tilly and Abigail cozy up and chat about wisdom. What are some of the companion virtues that run in a pack with wisdom? What are counterfeit forms of wisdom that we see today? (I.e., "deep thoughts" of oversharing Christian writers, pragmatism that is really just worldly wisdom, "humor" that is really just scoffing, etc.) 

They also talk about the delights of wisdom, how scripture directs us to ask for it, because it's a gift. Wisdom comes from scripture, but must be mediated through the work of the Holy Spirit.

How do we know if something is ugly? How do we know if something is beautiful? Is it all just in the eye of the beholder? Why does it matter? Bekah Merkle helps us think about beauty by turning our thoughts to God's thoughts. And very happily for us, we discover that God has given us a vast and wide array of beauty in his created world to observe and imitate. So, while beauty is objective, it is also wonderfully expressed in in more ways than we have yet to uncover. 

If you avoid decorating or tend to think you're just not good at it, this may be a great place for you start. Get inspired by thinking about the purpose of decorating and interior design! We don't have to be fancy or showy to truly and beautifully love our people with the inside of our homes. 

Abigail and Tilly talk about women and the home, as well as gender roles as part of a created order.

Abigail's book: (A)Typical Woman

Tilly and Abigail close out season 2 by answering as many as possible of all the good questions listeners sent in. They talk about: Keeping a home during the single years, the Enneagram, book recommendations, disagreeing with presumed Christians on major issues, raising daughters to think about homemaking, education, and work, maturing in the faith (if you're already reading your Bible), and truths that get them through the difficult days.

Are homes just the place where we put our keys down at the end of the day, watch some TV, and fall into bed? Why are the home and workplace such separate realms for most families? Few of us are running a family farm anymore. So what can we do to make our homes a center of productivity, culture-building, learning, and true recreation?

Abigail and Tilly discuss empathy with Joe Rigney, author and President of Bethlehem College and Seminary. When we are ministering to one another in the church and home, is "empathy" as it's commonly understood always helpful? How does the sharing of another person's emotions help us to love them well, and how could hinder us in loving them well? How do we discern the righteous response to another person's joy, anger, and grief?

Abigail and Tilly talk to Joe Rigney about how the material blessings of the home can be enjoyed in tandem with worshiping God, the giver of all good gifts.

I’m eager to share this interview with author and pastor Michael Clary about his new book, God’s Good Design. Michael shares some of his personal story, his love for the local church, and what prompted him to write this book (spoiler: struggling young women). He also helps us connect how we’re made to the Scriptures and to our God-given purpose in life.

Join us as we consider what worldly ideas masquerade as enlightenment, when in fact we need to unlearn those false ideas about men and women and learn to see and love the reality of how God has made men and women.

Here's a link to Michael's worthwhile book.

Abigail and Tilly are joined by Rebekah Merkle and Rachel Jankovic from the podcast What Have You. They talk about the nitty gritty details of what it looks like to offer your home up to God as a sacrifice of praise. What does it look, smell, feel, taste, and sound like when we preach the gospel through the physical things we do in our homes? Can we do this even when things are crazy?

Look for some fun stories about Abigail the fainting goat, and interesting quotes from Bekah, such as "leave Jesus out of this." The authors of Eve in Exile (Merkle) and Loving the Little Years (Jankovic) are longstanding influences for Abigail and Tilly, and this conversation was so much fun.

Abigail welcomes Rosaria Butterfield back to Home Fires to discuss her new book, Five Lies of our Anti-Christian Age. Rather than begin at the beginning of her book, we begin at the end, starting with the Lie #5: Modesty Is an Outdated Burden That Serves Male Dominance and Holds Women Back, then work our way backwards.

As you would expect, Rosaria pulls no punches--she is as clear, direct, and forthright as anyone I've ever met, and I love her for it. I hope you will, too. Listening to Rosaria should be a potent reminder to Chistians everywhere that you can't love people if you aren't willing to tell them the truth. For too long evangelicals have believed that they could simply pretend the enemies of God were their friends, and have, perhaps unwittingly, lost the opportunity to actually love their enemies with the truth. Let Rosaria's unwillingness to pretend or play games with the truth of God's Word blow some clean Gospel air into your lungs. 

In episode 4, Abigail and Tilly cozy up in separate states again to talk about confession. James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins one to another. What does that mean on the ground? How do we practice the regular confession of sin in our homes and in the church, and what exactly does confession do for us? 

This week, Joe Rigney joined us on the podcast to talk about parenting. We discussed what it means to show our children the Father's pleasure in them by demonstrating our own fatherly or motherly pleasure. We also chatted about sharing interests with our kids, discipline in an atmosphere of fellowship, and parenting special needs kids. (And Jane Austen?!?)

Today we're mulling over the hurdles and roadblocks to Christian hospitality. What is it that really keeps people from welcoming others in? Is the problem with our homes or with our hearts? Do some people just have the hospitality gene and others don’t?

We take a close look––not just at the hurdles––but the great reward of hospitality. It is such a wonderful inheritance from the Lord to get to spend and be spent for others. Don’t miss the huge blessing hospitality is—not just for those receiving it—but especially for the ones offering it. Plus, some bonus insights on downhill skiing.

Andrew Peterson joins the podcast to talk about his newest book, The God of the Garden, as well as the creative process, the Wingfeather Saga, his emotional life, and raising children in a creative home. This was a really fun conversation.

Abigail and Tilly talk about being bored while home with young children. Our culture has a preferred solution: outsourced childcare. But what does the boredom actually indicate? Is it necessarily a problem? They jump off by talking about a book by Erica Komisar called Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters.

Alistair Roberts joins us to share some of his thoughts on how the whole Bible attests to the roles and relations of men and women. It's possible that there was more talk about Song of Songs in this discussion than in any previous episode, but it wasn't our fault.

In the last episode of 2021, Tilly and Abigail talk about whether we can know things, and whether we can make confident assertions about any of the things we know. When we women encounter people we disagree with--in person or in the internet world--our instincts tell us to swerve and avoid disagreement. Is there anything we should be willing to argue about this Christmas season? Popular wisdom says the more mature you become, the less you can be sure about. Is this true? Does humility mean becoming less sure of who God is and what he says in his word?

Tilly and Abigail talk about things we do that aren't particularly efficient but are worthwhile for other reasons. What are hobbies for and how do they contribute to the Christian home?

Abigail and Tilly talk about food, dieting, and the freedom Jesus brings to table fellowship. What does that mean for the home? What does it mean for hospitality? What does it mean for people (like Tilly) who are naturally bad cooks?

Tilly's books: 

Seeing Green

Broken Bread

Abigail's book:

(A)Typical Woman

Abigail and Tilly are joined by two British blokes to talk about stories and the Christian home. How can we tell stories in our homes that will strengthen our faith and plant seeds in our children? What narratives do we tell ourselves throughout the day, and how does this affect our joy? What are the false narratives our culture is telling, and what how does the Great Story contrast with those false narratives?

James Cary and Barry Cooper are Reformed Brits with a background in comedy and writing who host a podcast together: Cooper and Cary Have Words. Abigail and Tilly are both fans, and now you get to enjoy them as much as we have.

Today, Abigail and Tilly talk about how to practice affirmation in the home and in the church. How do you affirm other human people--husband, children, friends, family--without falling into flattery, or even idol worship? Jumping off of Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree, they try to get a handle on how God-centered affirmation can be a tool for building people up and strengthen relationships.

Tilly and Abigail are joined by Tony Reinke to talk about technology. What is technology and how do we approach it as Christians? Is it something eye distrustfully, but put up with? Or is technology a built-in part of God's world, something we as God's creatures can use with his glory in mind?

Tony Reinke serves as a senior teacher at Desiring God, and hosts the popular podcast Ask Pastor John, addressing questions of theology, ethics, and Christian living. Reinke currently resides in the Phoenix area with his wife and three children. He's the author of several books, including 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You and Competing Spectacles: Treasuring Christ in the Digital Age (Crossway, April 2019), explores what it means to spiritually thrive in an age of visual enticements.

Abigail welcomes Joe Rigney back to Home Fires to talk about his recent online course called Leadership in An Age of Anxiety. We particularly zoom in on the role of women both for good or for ill in how different communities function, such as the home, the church, friend groups, and more. How do we respond when other people are offended? What do we do with our own reactive feelings when the temperature is rising?

Joe points us to the Scriptures for wisdom on how to be women with clarity of mind, stability of soul, and a readiness to act in godly ways through the many crackling, pressure-cooked situations we may find ourselves in.

Abigail's husband Tom joins the podcast to talk about parenting! He shares wisdom from his years growing into fatherhood. Fathers have the unique responsibility to proclaim godly precepts to their kids and to pursue holiness for themselves and their family, in order to prepare godly offspring. 

This week we discuss the sin of sloth. What does the Bible say about the sluggard? What does sloth it look like on the ground? Is it possible for such busy women to even BE slothful? (Hint: yes it is) Fun times discussing the sin nobody thinks they struggle with.

Abigail and Tilly talk about the kinds of people we want our children to marry. How did our own experiences shape our desires for the kids? What kind of advice does a mother have to offer her son or daughter as they grow up? How can we help prepare them to be and to choose a godly spouse?

Tilly and Abigail talk about envy. What do we do when others are blessed in ways we aren't? What if they have the family, the talents, the home, the life we wish we had? How do we handle the borrowed glories God bestows on others? Why isn't God as "fair" as we are?

In our very first in-person recording, they try to subdue the silliness and get down to business on a topic that both find fascinating and that Tilly has written a book about (Seeing Green, 2018).

Tilly and Abigail talk with Andy Naselli about the conscience. What is the conscience? What do you do when yours is calibrated differently from your friend's or your husband's? How do you care for your children's sense of right and wrong? How do you care for your own conscience, and what can you do when you realize your conscience has been misguided?

Andy is the co-author of Conscience: What It Is, How to Train It, and Loving Those Who Differ and, for children, author of That Little Voice in Your Head.

On this final episode of Season 4, Jenni and Abigail do their best to tackle your poignant questions about a myriad of topics. We really needed another hour or two!

On a personal note from me (Abigail), thank you for listening this season and bearing with the change of host and having only me on for interviews! Thank you for being gracious and rolling with the changes, despite missing Tilly. And many thanks to Jenni for stepping in so cheerfully. God has been kind! I hope this season blessed and edified you in the Lord. I'm not sure what the next season holds or who might be in your earbuds, but for now we'll just say, "As the Lord wills!" Until next time, keep those Home Fires burning.

Christmastime presents a lot of opportunities for shopping! But what's the point of shopping, really? How can we take what is often a wordly grab at materialism and instead shop as Christians--in a way that glorifies God? 

We explore the heart of generosity that should motivate our shopping and how to avoid the pitfalls of worldliness, asceticism, and buying the false ideologies that some stores sell alongside their products. 

We hope this episode encourages you in this Advent season! Whether you have a little or a lot, a big budget or a small one, we pray God will enlarge your heart as you give generously to the people he's given to you. Merry Christmas! Christ has come and he will come again, soon. 

One question that has come up several times this season from listeners is some variation of: do you have any advice for parenting teens? Another frequent question is: do you have any advice for moms of young children? 

The good news is that being a godly and faithful mother of teens starts when your children are little. The two questions really can't be pulled apart. In this episode Abigail and Jenni work through a recent talk Abigail gave alongside Tom on parenting teens. They talk about the significant changes that happen in your role as a mother as your children grow into young adults and how mothers can help press the wisdom of Christ into the corners of her growing child's life with God's help.

Lastly, they look at the tale of two mothers in Scriptures and how these two mothers advised their grown children--one in the worst way imaginable and the other for the good of her daughter. 

Tilly's husband Justin joins the podcast to talk about something he's been trying to train her in for the last ten years: intellectual virtue. How do we become God-honoring thinkers, who are honest, teachable, open to reason, lovers of truth, curious, attentive listeners, just, courageous, studious, and patient? How do we recognize intellectual virtue in other voices that we tune in to? Can we change our minds when the evidence demands that we do so? Can we also protect ourselves from becoming reeds blown by every wind of doctrine? How does this intellectual responsibility fit into the practical life of the mother at home? All questions answered in full by pastor Justin Dillehay and Abigail;)

---

Epistemology, W.J. Wood (early chapters referenced in episode)

The Wisdom Pyramid, Brett McCracken

Tilly and Abigail discuss the nature of story, and ways that stories have shaped them and their children through the years. How do we tell our family stories to our children? What stories do we feed them as we seek to shape their loves and characters? 

Abigail and Tilly discuss the human tendency to assume that to abstain from something is more virtuous than to partake in it. They relate this to women in the church bumping up against each other's consciences and practices. Why is it that women often take one another's convictions as a personal challenge? How can we allow iron to sharpen iron without being at the mercy of every suggestion made by another family's personal practices?

Jenni and Abigail talk all things "education." What is education? Is education even the right word to describe what Christians are supposed to be doing with our children while they're under our instruction and care? What are our duties as mothers when it comes to educating and discipling our children? 

Join us as we lean on God's word, God's truth, God's grace, and God Himself as the foundation for all real "education." And discover with us that this duty to educate our children in the Lord is not the burden some might have you think--but rather an intensely good labor of love with rewards beyond telling.

And don't miss our One Big Thanksgiving prep tip. 

Tilly and Abigail settle down in person in a fourth-floor office of Bethlehem College and Seminary to catch up on life. 10 and 20 year wedding anniversaries, graduating children from high school, new hobbies, new responsibilities, new human beings, and why you shouldn't approach the Bible the way Abigail approaches painting a picture of a mountain... nothing is below our notice in this first episode of Home Fires, Season 3. 

Kevin DeYoung joins Tilly and Abigail to bring us all up to speed in the conversation about complementarity. Within the complementarian world, there are some who call themselves "narrow" or "thin" complementarians. This camp believes we should be very careful to say anything about different roles for men and women outside the church and the home, where scripture is most explicit in its commands. On the other hand, "broad" or "thick" complementarians hold that if there are different roles for men and women in the home and church, this probably has implications for all of life--that these differences between the genders arise from natural law and have broader application.

This debate may not have come into your life yet, but if it hasn't, it will soon. What are men and women? Are they distinct all the way down? Why do some disagree about how to apply this reality in the church, the home, and the world at large?

Abigail and Tilly catch up and tell about the biggest things that have happened in life over the past year. They  make no promises at all about the super duper secret planned episodes for season 2, but leave you to imagine all those exciting guests and topics!

There are few authors who so regularly produce content that has its pulse on what normal Christians need to here--either by way of encouragement or rebuke or topic. Kevin DeYoung is one of those writers. 

In his new book, Impossible Christianity, he again finds a way to address a common problem among Christians--the problem of making Christianity impossible in ways that God never intended it to be. Without in any way lessening the clarion call of Christ to lose everything for his sake, Kevin reminds us of a Savior whose yoke really is easy. 

I really hope you'll listen in on this conversation and go grab this book. There's no cheap grace in it--only the powerful grace of God to produce joy and good fruit in God's children.

In this slumber party style episode, Tilly and Abigail get real relaxed and chat about the things their families do to rev up for the advent season. Why does Christmas get more stale every year for some, and better and better for others? Also, is Abigail going to sing her original Christmas hymn next episode? Does she need a pie cart? Also, why does Tilly's son sit and stare at a train for half hour stretches, and what is a 48-hr shower?

Tilly and Abigail team up to answer the great questions you all sent in. They talk about raising girls (friendships, dating, reading, and more), friendships with other couples, hospitality practices, dealing with spousal conflict, and pass right over your questions about head coverings and Christian Nationalism. Fun cap to the season!

David Mathis joins us in this first episode of 2022 to talk about the scriptural pattern of humble-self. What do we do when God's hand descends and presses us down, stripping us of our possessions, relationships, and dignity? What spiritual practices prepare us to humble-self? How do we talk about our sin before God and others? Are we actually as special as we think we are? (hint: yes and no) We found this conversation incredibly practical and encouraging!

In a conversation that was cut for time, Tilly and Abigail chat about friendships with men. What does it look like? What does it not look like? Why the push in Christian circles to reaffirm intimate friendships between men and women who aren't married? How do we relate to one another in the church as brothers and sisters?

This week, Tilly and Abigail discuss friendships past, present, and future. How do friendships bless and edify us? How can we be better friends in those seasons when we are tempted to ask, "but who is being a friend to me?"

We are Abigail Dodds and Tilly Dillehay, and we're here to encourage you to make your homes a wartime outpost of life in Christ. 

Follow us on Instagram or Facebook to hear when a new episode comes out. Episode 1 will be released Monday, September 7! Keep those home fires burning!