Grief Encounters (Urban Media)

Suicide is the leading cause of death for young people, both in Ireland and worldwide. When hearing figures such as that, it is not surprising that we have received a huge amount of interest and requests to cover this topic in detail.  It really is something that affects most people around the country in some shape or form.

Our guest this week is  Karen Docherty from Dublin. Her two boys Stephen, 30, and 22-year-old Graham Murray took their own lives within three years of each other, something she never thought would have happened to her family. Their story is complex and deeply moving.

Stephen her oldest son struggled with addiction all of his adult life.  During the discussion Karen speaks about the mental anguish drug abuse played on their family life over this period. “We always thought it was addiction that would take his life”. The grief that comes with suicide is often ladened with guilt, which Karen speaks about in great detail. She says this guilt stuck with Graham and ultimately played a role in his decision to als take his own life three years later.

Advocacy and campaigning is not something that comes easy to people, particularly when you are stuck firmly in the middle of your grief. Karen’s selfless and brave efforts in campaigning for better mental health resources for younger people, make her story even more astonishing. The ripple effect of suicide is something that is spoken about early on in the interview, but the positive ripple effect Karen’s campaigning work will have on families and individuals around the country cannot be understated.

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On the podcast so far, we have mentioned many benefits the internet can have if you find yourself in grief. From meeting other members of “the club”, to finding practical tips or advice, there is a lot of material available online that can be helpful. That said - the web is also rife with misinformation about all aspects relating to loss and much of this content is often rampantly shared around the web in the forms memes, pictures, articles and videos, which has created many false perceptions about grief that are now considered the norm.

On this week's episode of Grief Encounters Sasha & Venetia meet Caroline Lloyd, author of Grief Demystified. Caroline has spent her life challenging these misconceptions and speaks candidly about why they can be so damaging. From dismantling the “stages of grief” to looking at if an why therapy is not always a good idea, this podcast will be an extremely practical listen for anyone who has been frustrated with many of the cliches attached to loss.

About Caroline:

Caroline originally trained in supporting terminally ill cancer patients and their families in Texas in 1988. Since then she has volunteered in various pre-bereavement and bereavement roles for organisations in the UK including Cancer Research UK and Macmillan.

For the past thirteen years her focus has been on researching and supporting those affected by anticipatory grief and the bereaved. As a result, she’s been volunteering for Cruse in bereavement support, support group facilitation, as a committee member and helpline volunteer.

Caroline has also undertaken specialised training to work with children and young people, traumatic grief and baby deaths.She is currently a Board Trustee and Lead Facilitator for the Resilience Building Programme with Roadpeace, supporting those affected by road fatalities.

Her current focus is on completing a PhD in bereavement, delivering training on grief to professionals, and running workshops. She was commissioned to write an accessible book on grief for Jessica Kingsley Publishers, and published Grief Demystified worldwide in November, 2017.

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Racism is a massive issue in Ireland today and something that we, as a country are not exempted from. The past 3 weeks of global protest at systematic racism in America has also shone light on great changes that need to happen closer to home.

On this week’s podcast Sasha and Venetia look at how racial abuse can have devastating impacts on those targeted by it, speaking to Aisling O’Neill a mother and advocate from Tipperary. In September 2019 Aisling’s 16 year old daughter Mia took her own life after suffering years of extreme racial abuse from people in their community, beginning at just aged 4. 

In the chat Aisling paints a picture of her beautiful caring daughter, and the awful experiences she had to endure throughout her adolescence. She also speaks about the personal effect the Black Lives Matter protests have had on her and her grief. Since Mia’s death, Aisling has gone on to establish One Life, a charity focused on mental health awareness and community support.

You can find more information here:

https://www.facebook.com/onelifeireland/

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To celebrate Pride week and Ireland’s rich LGBTQ history, we wanted to dedicate this weeks podcast into looking at a particular moment of time that sadly took the lives of so many of the country’s queer citizens.

Ireland’s first AIDS case was diagnosed in 1982, and the mass hysteria and misinformation that was spread during this period ,caused damage that is still prevalent within the community to this day. Tonie Walsh otherwise known as The Godfather Of Gay, lived through 80’s and 90’s in Ireland and London, where he saw over 40 of his friends and lovers perish from the disease.

As a one of Ireland’s most prominent LGBTQ Activists, Founder of The Irish Queer Archive & Gay Community News, Tonie has dedicated a huge portion of his life documenting and preserving the memories and stories of Ireland’s queer community. In this week’s episode he does an extraordinary job of sketching out how devastating and scary of a period this was for some of Ireland’s most marginalised groups.

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On the morning of October 11th, Ireland woke to the devastating news that one of its brightest stars, Stephen Gately had passed away in his sleep. In Episode Two of Grief Encounters, Sasha & Venetia meet Stephen's friend and Boyzone band-mate Mikey Graham, in an incredibly interesting and insightful interview with the singer.

Mikey opens the interview with a truly honest account of Stephens personality, and what he meant to the band and the country as a whole. As the talk progresses, the conversation opens into a fascinating discussion about Mikey’s own spirituality and enlightenment through his journey living with grief. Mikey’s words throughout the conversation are incredibly moving, thought provoking and surprisingly practical for our listeners to consider. This episode is absolutely one not to miss.

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This week on the podcast Venetia sat down with the incredible Irish writer Éilís Ní Dhuibhne to speak about their shared experience of losing a partner, the person that they loved most. Éilís  is the  author of  12,000 Days: A Memoire Of Love And Loss, which is a truly beautiful account of her relationship with her husband Bo Almqvist, who passed away suddenly in November 2013.

Éilís gave up on fictional writing in the months following his death, but began a diary where she took not of her thoughts and feelings. These in depth passages ended up becoming the basis to her truly stunning book, which took a lot of inspiration from many greats in the field such as CS Lewis & Joan Didion. 

In the interview Venetia and Éilís share a huge amount of similar experiences and feelings, that can only be shared through the commonality of losing a spouse. The main difference between their experience has been the time in between, and Éilís’s own awareness and account of her healing since Bo’s death created a really positive conversation between the pair.

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This week’s podcast marks the first live episode of Grief Encounters, as Sasha and Venetia were part of an extraordinary night of poetry, film and discussion at the Dublin premiere of the extraordinary documentary Git Was Here in The Sugar Club. The documentary is based around the life of Christopher “Git” Byrne who passed away from cancer in March 2016. Lorcan Fox, the films Director and Git’s friend interviewed him on camera about his life – his regrets, his legacy and his view on mortality. This 90-minute chat is the genesis of the incredibly moving film.

Chris was a gregarious character with an infectious smile and a beautiful family with his wife Caroline and son Harry, who was born in the autumn of 2014. Sadly, just weeks later Chris was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour and despite several operations and amazing care from the Irish medical system, Chris passed away at the age of 31 in Harold Cross Hospice. The film begins with Chris’s individual story but expands to a spectrum of experiences and ideas around death and dying. Interviewing experts across all areas, from academics and historians to medical consultants and gravediggers, we aim to understand more about death and mortality. 

After the screening, Sasha and Venetia sat down for a discussion with Caroline and Lorcan with an audience filled with friends and family of Christopher’s, to discuss the impact of his tragic loss on both of them, and how this truly beautiful tribute came to life. 

We want to thank Lorcan Fox, Fiachra Doyle, Kevin Flynn and Caroline Byrne for allowing us the chance to be apart of such a special night. You can check out more information about the movie and possible future screenings through their social media pages. 

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The immediate grief after a sudden loss is completely overwhelming, often making it impossible to process the present and the future. Our guest this week had the sad reality of experiencing this in March 2000, when hearing about his brothers death after a tragic accident at home. Abie Philbin Bowman’s brother Jonathan was a radio and television presenter, well known for his extraordinary wit, impulsive presenting style and humour, and without question his ability to often wind people up. 

Abie speaks to Sasha and Venetia about the difficult and unique scenario of having to grieve publicly, because of his brother’s role in the media. 

“It was the first time I had been on the other side of a news story, being in it. And there were just stuff that people got wrong. And they were quite innocent, you know, it was just people who were rushing to get the story or whatever...having to navigate that sort of public side of grief was actually kind of challenging”

During the conversation he also speaks with incredible honestly when discussing the various sides of Jonathan’s character that made him so unique, but also a complex figure in his own right.

“ I had this baggage (growing up) with Jonathan, where it wasn’t always so easy being his brother. They would either be really-really fond of him, or really not. And then he died, and there was this outpouring of people being like ‘oh isn’t he great’.” 

“He was just fun of really crazy fun ideas, and he was a bit of a force of nature, but he also loved winding people up. At home he would sometimes take a position on something he didn’t even agree with himself, just because he enjoyed arguing so much."

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You can also find Abie's terrific podcast Humans Of Politics here:

https://open.spotify.com/show/7m0YyV1btfkS3IZRIrAC9V?si=Oswne9T9SyGFut9-cGX_Nw

https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/peadar-toibin-td-humans-of-politics/id1471548194?i=1000447904705

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A chronic illness can bring with it many devastating lows, but also moments of hope and relief. Anyone who has spent periods of time caring for someone who was ill, will know these range of emotions  far too well. This week on Grief Encounters, Sasha and Venetia catch up with fellow podcast and founder of The Shift Andy Gaffney, who is here to speak about his brother Raymond who had to face all of this while battling a rare form of Leukaemia, that sadly took his life in the summer of 2014. 

Raymond and Andy have hugely different personalities. As any listener to this week's episode will quickly realise, Andy is an extremely open and conversational guy. Raymond on the other hand was very introverted. By Andy’s admission Raymond always felt quite lost living in Ireland, and it wasn’t until he moved to Japan that he began to flourish in his own personality. In this week’s episode ,Andy brings Sasha and Venetia through the various highs and extreme lows of the last number of years of  Raymonds life, battling Leukemia but also having to give up his newly forged life in Asia. He also speaks about his own difficulties with alcohol and coping with the painful grief in the years after Raymonds passing, in what was an extremely compelling and honest interview. 

The Shift is an Irish Podcast Network that is aiming to be a sandbox for  Irish talent. Well, that or quicksand. Even with serious topics, The Shift aims to stand in the back of the room giggling to itself, a bit  like that annoying cousin at a funeral. Check out the www.theshift.ie to find out all about when shows are dropping. 

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After losing his Dad to a heart attack in February 1998,  Our guest this week has since described his “new” relationship with his father  as “an irresistible detective story”, where he “keeps looking around for the essence of him”...

Dermot Morgan is one of Ireland's greatest ever comedians and actors, most notable for his role of Craggy islands morally questionable Priest, Father Ted Crilly, in Channel 4’s Timeless classic - Father Ted. Don Morgan, Dermot’s son joins Sasha, to talk in detail about the memories of his father, and what clues about his dad he has learned since his death over 20 years ago. 

His continued affection for his Dad is prevalent throughout the interview, which features a real insight into how genius Dermot really was, both on and off screen. Sasha and Don spark some incredible conversations around the subjectivity of memory amongst other things. Why do we store the specific memories that we do, and is it right to only portray a person's positive side in the wake of their death? Don also looks at the difficult and unusual scenario of grieving in the eye of the public, which makes an unthinkably shocking situation even more difficult to process.

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This week’s guest is the New Zealand rugby journalist, charity worker and children's book author Brent Pope, who joined Sasha and Venetia to speak about minding your mental health after the loss of a loved one. 

There is a huge symbiosis between grief and mental health, and in recent years Brent has done stellar work in speaking about his struggles with depression and anxiety. Last April, Brent's father sadly passed away after battling Parkinson’s Disease at home in New Zeland. Brent delivers a beautiful account of his father’s character and what made him such a unique man. Having originally moved to Ireland for 3 months, he has lived here for the last thirty years and speaks candidly about the varying levels of regret he has about not seeing as much of his Dad as he would have liked to. 

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This week on Grief Encounters, Sasha was joined by the parents of Sean “Lil Red” Hughes, who was an aspiring rapper from Finglas in Dublin, and the type of kid to make a big impression on anyone who had the pleasure of meeting him. Joe and Karen are two incredibly proud parents who are doing exceptional work in raising awareness around Sepsis, which Sean passed away from in January 2018 at the age of 15. 

After complaining of flu-like symptoms, Sean suddenly lost consciousness while watching TV at home with Karen. He was rushed to Temple Street Hospital but passed away the following morning, and two weeks later the Hughes family found out that Sepsis was the cause of death. Sepsis is one of the countries biggest killers, killing more people annually than heart-attack, although still very little is known about the disease publically, with only 28% of Irish people surveyed, having an understanding of the disease and its warning signs. 

Both of Sean’s parents are completely grief stricken since his loss, but the incredible power and strength they somehow manage to find while sharing his story is nothing short of breathtaking. Having initially struggled deeply in getting support on a governmental level, they have now been asked to lead an awareness campaign around the disease which is sure to save many lives in future. 

“All we have available to us is social media. It can be bad for certain things, but it was great for the Lil Red Legacy Sepsis Awareness Campaign.. Money is not an issue, look at what we have done and we have no money. We’ve no funding. We’ve no PR groups. We are two concerned parents wanting to save someone else's life. No way is our son is going to be another statistic.”

The incredible work that Karen and Joe have carried out is already paying huge dividends nationally, as they look to spread as much awareness about the illness as possible. 

“To date 21 people have contacted me and Karen, saying that as a direct result of what we do on social media, and telling Sean’s story that their life or a loved one’s life has been saved. This is exactly what Sean would have wanted, exactly. My son’s not going to die in vain.”

Sepsis Warning Signs:

Shivering, fever, or very cold

Extreme pain or discomfort

Pale or discoloured skin

Sleepy, difficult to rouse, confused 

I feel like I might die

Short of breath

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This week’s guest recently described grief as “the companion you never wanted”, a sentiment that is shared by all of the team involved in making this podcast series.  Amanda Grace is the daughter of Brendan Grace, one of Ireland's all-time legendary figures in comedy and entertainment, who’s death in July 2019 saw a special public outcry of grief and love, in a way that very few people garner. Amanda is a former 'rock school rebel' turned spiritual guide. Her offerings in contemplative journaling, coaching & community teach women to marry the powers of creativity and intuition, surrender the never ending pursuit of trying to 'fix' themselves & commit instead to a more intentional healing path, on which they can be unapologetically true to who they are. Her relationship with her father still remains incredibly strong, albeit a different form of relationship since his passing. She discusses carrying on this relationship within your grief, and the importance of speaking about your loved one in the present.  

In the interview, Amanda also discusses with Sasha about what it means to “hold space” for someone, an intentional act of unconditional support where no judgements are made in whatever journey they may be on. You can find more info on “holding space” in this essay recommended by Amanda. 

Other Links:

Derek Walcott - Love After Love

Amanda Grace - Things to Do in The Belly Of A Whale

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“I walked into the bathroom and leaned on the sink. It was a strong contraction and instinctively I reached down to deliver my own daughter. She was born sleeping. No cry. No noise. No heartbeat. I yelled for my husband and he held my shaking body while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.

It was my third pregnancy and my first daughter. Nina. She had been with me for 38 weeks. I smiled the entire pregnancy daydreaming of holding my beautiful girl.”

These are words from today’s guest, Adriana Monique Alvarez, who’s daughter Nina was stillborn at 38 weeks, leaving her family heartbroken and feeling lost. Adriana joined Sasha in February and they discussed her own personal journey through the bereavement of her daughter, and how the grief fundamentally changed her outset on life. 

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At 7.15am on Thursday, December 22, 2016, John Fitzsimons had to do the most difficult thing he has ever done, tell his beautiful two children Jack and Ella that their mum Grainne had died the night before, having battled Cancer for a long time.

“I sat down with her, and her brother came in and I just basically told them that their mum had passed away the day before. I was expecting all sorts of tears and tantrums but they were fine, and they were fine because I had kept them in the loop. I was incredibly well advised over the last couple of months about how to do that, and they took it in their stride. I remember saying to them, you can have a day off school today”

In this week’s podcast, he joins Venetia in studio to talk about the incredibly painful commonality that they share, the experience of telling their kids a parent had died. Is there a correct way to do it? From John’s own experience, Yes. Which is to be completely direct with your children about what has happened, an extraordinarily difficult thing to do for any recently bereaved parent.

 John speaks about the special relationship that has been created with his kids since Grainne’s death, as he attempts to fill maternal and paternal roles in many aspects of the kids' lives.  “Like doing her hair and stuff like that  in the morning, I get to do these things that 95% of father don’t get to do, so I am very conscious there is a very strong bond between us now".

Both Venetia and John have experienced their own kids being incredibly resilient since their loss, but do question whether the younger ones have the ability to process their own grief at this moment in time. In an extremely frank discussion, they also discuss the often difficult realities of young widowhood. The loneliness, the need for a laugh, a companion and why Mondays are the new Friday’s.

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This week’s podcast is slightly different, as we hear one woman’s account of undergoing fertility treatment, and the pain and disappointment that was to follow. Fertility treatment has undoubtedly been a catalyst for joy in many couples lives, but for a large proportion of people, the treatment does not work. Deirdre Donelly feels that she was given miss information by an Irish fertility clinic when she underwent treatment nine years ago. 

Deirdre gave birth to her first child David in 2004, which brought a huge amount of joy to her and her husband. A few years after David was born she began trying to become pregnant with her second child, and at this point realised there may be something wrong.  Deirdre visited a fertility specialist and decided that she would explore this route with her husband. Fertility treatment can be all-encompassing and sadly during this period, Deirdre’s mother died of breast cancer. After months of expensive and painful therapies, Deirdre and her husband found out that there was only ever a 3% chance of success for the treatment she was on, which is something she believes was hidden from her by the clinics. 

She speaks to Sasha about the grief involved with being an infertile woman, as well as the many caveats as to how Ireland currently deal with women’s health on a national level. Deirdre also speaks about the loss of her mother and the guilt she felt for not being around more during her mother’s illness, because of her treatment. 

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Since beginning the podcast, there have been certain topics that have featured in many episodes, but surprisingly the subject of childhood-loss has been relatively undiscovered so far. Today’s guest, Giles-Paley Philip's is a writer and podcaster from East Sussex, best known for his award-winning Children's books, and the excellent Blank Podcast, which delves into those moments when things aren't working right. 

At the age of 6, Giles lost his mother to Leukaemia, and that grief is something that has stuck closely with him, ever since. He is a hugely important grief advocate on social media, and his beautiful children’s book Little Bella And The Moon was bravely written to aid parents in speaking to their children about loss. Giles’ debut novel One Hundred And Fifty-Two will be released this year, which looks at the story of a teenager facing the impending death of his terminally ill, making memories and moments from his own childhood as inspiration.

In his conversation with Sasha, Giles recounts his difficult childhood balancing his mother's illness with his father’s alcoholism. They speak in detail about the unpredictable nature of life,  and the cards it deals you. They also talk about how there is always room for things to actually get worse, but don’t worry - the conversation remains lighthearted throughout. 

Giles is the author of nine books, including The Fearsome Beastie (Maverick Arts Publishing), which has now sold over 70,000 copies and won The People's Book Prize 2012 and The Heart Of Hawick Children's Book Award 2013, and was Highly Commended in The Forward National Literature Award in the US. It was also Shortlisted for The Rotherham Children's Awards 2012.

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This week’s guest, Justin Caffrey and his wife Beatrice have gone through something no parents should ever have to deal with in their lifetime. The loss of a child. 

In 2011 after a series of devastating miscarriages, Beatrice became pregnant once more. 25 weeks into the pregnancy during a family holiday in Malaga, Beatrice’s waters broke, leading to the extremely premature birth of their son Joshua. Joshua was born with a host of medical complications causing Justin and his wife and 4 year old son to uproot their lives for the next 11 months and act as carers in a city completely foreign to them. In this truly incredible interview, Justin speaks in detail about their own experiences in losing Joshua, as well as the incredible road his grief has brought him on.

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This week’s guest is a mother from Manchester who’s life was turned completely upside down, on the night of May 22nd 2017. Figen Murray’s son Martyn Hett was one of 22 innocent concert-goers killed at a suicide bombing that devastated Manchester and beyond, as Salman Abedi, detonated an explosive device in the foyer of The Manchester Arena. 

Speaking to Sasha, she described the night of the terrorist attack, as they excruciatingly awaited some positive news, as information trickled into their family home. Figen’s maternal instincts sadly proved to be true in this case. 

“He’s dead. I just know, because it is like somebody has just taken this giant pair of scissors and cut off any presence of him. It feels like he’s suddenly gone, it doesn’t even feel like he is on the planet any more ”  She continued, ”call it mum’s intuition or something, but I just absolutely knew that there was suddenly no sense of him whatsoever. It was quite weird” 

It’s clear that Martyn had something extraordinarily unique about his personality and character. The 29-year-old was a self-professed superfan of Coronation Street and had garnered many connections with the thousands of followers subscribed to his social media channels. Although thinking back about memories of her beautiful son sparks a certain level of pain, Figen still delights in telling Sasha about just how loved he was. 

“ A lot of his friends were moaning that they had to make an appointment with him to even spend time with him, he was so popular. He lived life a hundred miles an hour really, and I don’t know where he got the energy from”.

On the podcast, Sasha and Venetia have spoken a lot about taking action in grief, and how a devastating loss can often spur a loved one on, to channel their energy into something new. This is no different for Figen, who at the age of 59 has begun a Masters Degree in Counter-Terrorism, in a bid to try and understand why and how an act like this is possible. 

Unlike the majority of death’s that have been discussed on the podcast, there was someone accountable for Martyn’s death, which makes the grieving process much more complicated. Remarkably, Figen has acknowledged in the past that she forgives her sons attacker, something requiring a huge amount of empathy and emotional intelligence. Through her Masters and advocacy work, she is determined now to focus her efforts into preventing radicalisation from an early age, which she believes is the root preventing terrorism claiming more lives.

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In July 2013, Kathleen Chada got unthinkable news that no parent should ever receive. Her two sons, Ruari and Owen were found dead in the boot of a car, that had crashed into a wall near Westport Co Mayo. It later emerged that Kathleen’s Husband had strangled the children and attempted to take his own life.

Kathleen is an incredible woman, who’s bravery, strength and positivity have to be heard to be believed. In this episode, she opens up to Sasha & Venetia about trying to continue to live her life, all the while ensuring that the memories of Ruari and Eoghan continue to live on.

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When a child experiences the death of a parent, the emotional trauma can be devastating. On this week’s episode of Grief Encounters, Sasha & Venetia  look at this extremely personal issue, and what effect that it can have in later life. The episode takes an extremely rounded look at the theme at hand, as it discovers it from a psychological perspective and a personal perspective over the course of two compelling interviews, with experts in their own rights.

Owen Connolly is a consultant psychologist, family therapist and co-author of the book “Parenting for the Millennium”. Owen is also the founder of of The Connolly Counseling Center in Dublin, which works closely with bereaved children. In the first part of this podcast, he gives his opinion on what the correct way to explain death to children is, and how often it is best to be upfront about the loss to the child. It is widely accepted that men and women often grieve differently, and this can also occur when children grieve. This is discussed in detail as he speaks about the importance of exercising and encouraging kids to be more emotive, particularly around the subject of grief.

In the second half of the podcast, Sasha & Venetia had the pleasure in speaking to one of the world's most revered and decorated chefs Marco Pierre White, about the most deeply personal moment of his life, the death of his mother.  In 1994 Marco rose to world fame as the youngest chef to win three coveted Michelin stars, but in most circles is just as well known for his temperament in the kitchen. In his appearance on Grief Encounters, he opens up about the devastation that this loss cost, shaping him in to the global figure that we all know on our bookshelves and TV screens. He paints a vivid picture of his childhood before and after his mother's death, speaking about many symptoms that Owen described in the preceding interview.

Marco Pierre White is currently the owner of two Irish restaurants situated in Dublin’s Ballsbridge and Dawson Street areas. You can find more information on them here: http://marcopierrewhite.ie/

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Sickness and death brings with it a broad range of emotions, and one that is often overlooked is humour.  Gearoid Farrelly is an Irish comic who has toured with the likes of Joan Rivers, Sarah Millican and a host more of stand-up legends, since breaking on to the Irish scene over 10 years ago. Today he shared his own story about his beautiful friendship with Anne Marie Buckley, who passed away on the 1st of March 2018.

Gearoid moved into an apartment 10 years ago, and after a series of unscheduled and at times unwanted call-ins from his new neighbour, he soon realised that she was actually in the market for a neighbourhood pal, as opposed to a cup of sugar or lend of tea bags.  Soon Gearoid, Anne and his partner became really close friends - “a troika” as he described , as they would meet up at least 2 / 3 times a week for breakfast, coffee, dinners. A beautiful, normal friendship.

Gearoid’s chat with Sasha and Venetia in this week’s podcast is descriptive, emotive , sad and of course funny. As a stand up comedian, he speaks about the complexities of trying to make others laugh, while he was going through his own personal and self described hell, as Anne fell sick. He also talks to Sasha and Venetia about the importance and need for a release of humour, particularly when things feel completely full of darkness during an illness and after a loss.

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How do you cope with the death of a parent at 24 years old? The time when you’re somewhere between independence and reliance on parents, figuring out who you are and what you want to do, and trying to maintain friendships and a social life when your world is crumbling around you and no one understands. This weeks podcast guest is Rose Yavneh Taylor, author of 365 Days Past the Traffic Lights, a beautifully compelling account of the first 365 days following the death of her father, Cyrus Yavneh. 

At 24 years of age, Rose straddled two worlds; living in both a picturesque English village and an adventure-filled Hollywood lifestyle in Los Angeles. But in late 2017 life hurtled her into a new realm, one that was immersed in medical settings and put her life on hold. In the first episode of 2020 Sasha spoke to Rose about the tough realities of losing a parent during this seminal period of her life and development. Rose’s unique account of her first year of grief is raw and unfiltered but also familiar to anyone who has experienced loss in this way before. They talk about the initial diagnosis, the experience of becoming a carer for her father and why a resource tailored for young adults is truly needed.

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Jane Mckenna is the founder of Ireland's only children's hospice, and The Laura Lynn Foundation, both named after her two children, Laura and Lynn. Sadly, her vision to create a national children’s hospice spawned from utter tragedy. Jane joined Sasha & Venetia for an incredibly moving episode of Grief Encounters, where she speaks about how her family's journey through unthinkable loss, made her determined to give back in her own grief - leaving an incredible legacy for her two children.

Jane & her husband Brendan are the proud parents of two beautiful girls Laura & Lynn. Sadly, both Laura and Lynn passed away 20 months apart from each other, to differing illnesses, leaving Jane and Brendan living every parent's worst nightmare.  

 “Lynn thought us how to live, and she thought us how to die”

On this week’s episode of the podcast she gives a really special account of her family's life before and after Laura and Lynn’s passing. No detail is spared, as she paints an extremely vivid picture of what their life was like, living in and out of hospitals and waiting appointment to appointment. More importantly, she manages to capture how incredibly strong both girls were, in sickness and in health. 

This episode was originally released in February 2019*

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Following a tragic road accident ten years ago, Colette Byrne lost her her husband Peter at the young age of 32. Left raising a their three year old daughter alone, her world would never be the same from that moment on. In the weeks and months after Peter’s death, Colette began to scour the internet in search of information for new widows, and during this period noticed a huge lack of resources available online.

On episode four of Grief Encounters, Sasha & Venetia speak to Colette about her incredible journey in founding Widdow.ie, a grief support website and the first of its kind in Ireland.

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The importance of end of life care can never be understated, not only for the patient but also for their loved ones. It’s something that Sasha and Venetia both discussed on the podcast before, having experienced the special work that they do first hand. 

This week’s podcast is a special one, as Sasha is joined in studio by palliative care doctor and bestselling author Kathryn Mannix, to speak about how we approach loss and the grief that often follows. Kathryn and Sasha go into detail about the experience of death and our responsibility to make it as comfortable as possible for those that are ill, sharing both of their experiences. They also discuss the importance of living in the now how we must prepare ourselves for our own deaths. 

In her Sunday Times, Best Selling book With the End in Mind, Kathryn explores the biggest taboo in our society and the only certainty we all share: death. Told through a series of beautifully crafted stories taken from nearly four decades of clinical practice, her book answers the most intimate questions about the process of dying with touching honesty and humanity. She makes a compelling case for the therapeutic power of approaching death not with trepidation but with openness, clarity and understanding.

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Anniversaries are a bit of a theme for us this month on the podcast, and today, the 10th of October marks 10 years since the death of the brilliant and beautiful Steven Gately. On the morning of October 11th 2009 , Ireland woke to the devastating news that one of its brightest stars, had passed away in his sleep. In one of our first episodes, we had the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of his best friends and bandmates Mikey Graham about his love for Steven, then and now.

He opens the interview with a truly honest account of Stephens personality, and what he meant to the band and the country as a whole. As the talk progresses, the conversation opens into a fascinating discussion about Mikey’s own spirituality and enlightenment through his journey living with grief. Mikey’s words throughout the conversation are incredibly moving, thought provoking and surprisingly practical for our listeners to consider.

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This week on the podcast Sasha and Venetia reflect on an incredible 8 months of conversation, looking back on the many things that they have learned from the incredible guests that have joined them so far. Grief Encounters will be taking a short summer break for the month of August but will be returning on Tuesday September 3rd with plenty more discussion on the subject of loss, and all that comes with it.

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One of the most difficult things a person can experience in their lifetime is hearing the news that a loved one has died both prematurely and unexpectedly. 

In 2016, Neil Fox's life was changed forever, after gardaí knocked to his door to inform him his sister Donna had passed away in a cycling accident that morning. In the years since Neil’s personal experience with both grief and trauma has brought him on an incredible journey through sobriety, sexuality and ultimately becoming more comfortable in his own skin. He speaks with Sasha and Venetia about the ups and downs in his life, since Donna’s death, and his incredible work to prevent similar accidents taking place on Irish roads. 

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Whether a death is anticipated, or happens all of a sudden, the amount of preparation involved in organising the subsequent funeral can be shocking and overwhelming to someone close to the deceased.

Having been in that position themselves, Sasha and Venetia have wanted to dedicate at least One episode of Grief Encounters towards looking into many of the practical ways that people can prepare for this. A Beginners Guide To Funerals, and as completely morbid as that sounds, every single person involved in the production of this particular episode left the studio agreeing that it was one of our most entertaining, engaging and insightful conversations to date!

As it happens, funerals and the funeral industry are rapidly changing and the various ways and rituals that we use to honour and remember the dead are far more personalised then what we might normally be used to. Sasha and Venetia were delighted to be joined in-studio by Gus Nichols of Nichols Funeral Director’s & Jonathan Stafford of Staffords Funeral Homes. Both third and sixth generation Funeral Directors, our guests this week were able to give a genuinely incredible and at times hilarious insight into what is involved in arranging funerals others, the role you should have in organising your own and how things have changed so rapidly in recent years. This was such an entertaining conversation, and the guys in-depth knowledge of the history and tradition of their industry is so prevalent from start to finish.  

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This week’s podcast is incredibly special, as Sasha and Venetia are joined in studio with Tomi Reichental, who's personal story is inspirational, emotional and more than all - incredibly important to tell.  Born in Slovakia 1935, Tomi is one of the only Holocaust survivors to have settled in Ireland after being liberated from the Bergen Belsen concentration camp in 1945. Tomi is an incredibly thoughtful and emotionally intelligent man which is clear from his account of the atrocity that he and his family lived through. 

When he was liberated in April 1945 he discovered that 35 members of his extended family were murdered, Grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins-died in the Holocaust. Tomi was 9 years old in October 1944 when he was rounded up by the Gestapo in a shop in Bratislava. Along with 12 other members of his family he was taken to a detention camp Sered in Slovakia where the elusive Nazi War Criminal Alois Brunner had the power of life or death, as he decided who would face deportation.  

Tomi, his mother Judith and his brother Miki, his grandmother Rosalia, aunt Margo and cousin Chava were dumped into a cattle wagon on a train bound for Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. The other 7 members of the family were sent to the slave labour camp at Buchenwald, where inmates were literally worked to death, 6 of them perished in Buchenwald only one survived.

Tomi has experienced grief on an extraordinary level, and kept his past completely hidden from friends and family for over 50 years because of fears this could happen again. In the past 15 years, he has dedicated much of his life to speaking about the holocaust to schools around Ireland. This year The Bar of Ireland have selected Tomi as their incredibly deserving recipient of The Award For Human Right’s, will be presented to him on the 28th of November 2019. Tomi has also featured in an extraordinary  2017 documentary Condem To Remember, that details his extraordinary life pre and post-war which is well worth a watch. 

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Today's guest Beth French lost her mum when she was just 20 years old, from cancer of the bile duct, having just  finished her second year of university. Beth's mother was in her early 50s and had been completely healthy, so her loss left Beth and her family in a complete sense of shock. Like many people who experience grief, she found that  her perspective had shifted and now had a new aspect of her identity that was not commonly shared by many young people, feeling like a member of a club she did not want to be in.

Beth established the UK based charity Lets Talk About Loss, a youth bereavement service aimed at trying to overcome the barriers of talking about losing a loved one. In the chat she speaks to Venetia about the pain felt during her mother's illness, the shifting family dynamic after her death, and why even within the grief community, young adults still find it difficult to open up.

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Caring for a loved can be an incredibly difficult job, regardless of what stage of the illness they are at. It can often take a huge amount of strength and perseverance, particularly if it is a form of dementia, because of its degenerative nature. In March we spoke to the incredible Kathy Ryan, who lives with Younger Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, who’s doing incredible work to advocate around Alzheimer’s Awareness in Ireland. Since Kathy’s appearance on the podcast, further discussion on Dementia has been one of our most requested topics from listeners through the Grief Encounter’s social media channels. 

Kathy’s story is extremely special, because it is not often that you get to hear it from the side of those currently living with the illness, on a platform like this podcast. A more common representation comes from those who have lost someone, and on this week’s podcast Ray Cregan gives Sasha and Venetia an extremely honest and truthful account of how difficult a disease like vascular Dementia can be fore not only the patient, but those who care for them. 

Ray cared for his father Paddy, who passed away almost 4 years ago from the illness. Casting his mind back to the first signs of the disease , Ray explains that the nature of vascular dementia for his father was little stroke events, and that as time passed he noticed little differences.“So there's this guy and he is looking forward to retirement and paying a bit more golf, hanging out with Beatrice my mum and suddenly these event’s start happening to him. He would just zone out and he was gone for a moment or two”.  

Ray cared for his father for over eight years, and in that period saw a very unpredictable digression of Paddy’s mental and physical health. In the interview Ray speaks a lot about the difficulties that come with the job of being a carer, which is a subject that often gets brushed aside in conversation. “There was huge frustration involved, because it was outlined to me that as long as Paddy is alive, I have to be this taxi service that bring him backwards and forwards. That had curtailed my opportunities to seek employment and do something else with life.”

His refreshing honest account of those eight years helps to create a more honest conversation around all the caveats that come with a loved ones diagnosis. Ray joined the Dementia Carers Campaign Network (DCCN) a number of years ago to lend his voice to the call for better dementia supports.  He is now vice-chair of the DCCN which has almost 50 family carer advocates. 

__

A special thanks to The Alzheimer Society of Ireland for helping us put this weeks episode together. If you or a family member maybe suffering from signs of the disease, you can find more information on their website & helpline. 

Helpline: The Alzheimer Society of Ireland National Helpline is open six days a week Monday to Friday 10am–5pm and Saturday 10am–4pm on 1800 341 341 or helpline@alzheimer.ie

Website: www.alzheimer.ie

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This week Sasha and Venetia were joined in studio by Bríd Shine, midwife specialist in perinatal palliative care and bereavement for over ten years to discuss her incredibly important role in helping mothers who suffer stillbirth and neonatal birth in Ireland.

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Anniversaries are something that Sasha & Venetia have spoken about on several episodes of the podcasts so far. They can spark a huge range of emotion, and often bring back a lot of sad and difficult memories. Some like to mark an occasion, while others are happy to see the back of these milestone dates. Often the way someone chooses to remember their loved one is dependant on their years or months grieving in between, and what form of relationship that is kept with the deceased. 

This week on Grief Encounters, Sasha chats with an old friend of her’s Ollie Skehan, as he approaches the 20th anniversary of his friend’s tragic death this Sunday, October 27th. In October 1999, Niamh O’Herlihy was travelling in a car with her sister Anita, a close friend of theirs and her one-year-old daughter, when they were involved in a tragic, and fatal car accident that shocked the country to its core. 

Niamh and Anita were members of an extremely promising girl-band called Nivita, that were making moves in the record industry right before the accident. Ollie and Niamh met in during their time studying together in Griffith College and immediately became close companions after enrolling. In the interview, Ollie casts his mind back to the days before and after the accident, and the vividness of it is clear to see. With Ollie’s accounts of those days, it is clear to see how much the world has changed in those 20 years, particularly in the ways we find out about the loss of a loved one. 

He also speaks about his relationship with the O’Herlihy family and how keeping in touch with Niamh’s parents allows him to still have a relationship with Niamh herself. We were delighted to be approached by Ollie to record this beautiful episode as his own testament to his loving friendship with Niamh, his poignant way of marking the 20 year anniversary. 

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On this week’s podcast Sasha (Venetia will be back next week)  got the opportunity to speak to the psychotherapist, writer, and grief advocate Megan Devine.

Megan’s career as a therapist was mainly based around working with people with substance addiction. It wasn’t until a summer day in 2009 that grief would become a firm fixture in her life, as her partner Matt drowned in a devastating accident, just three months from his fortieth birthday. In Megan’s own words “It was random, unexpected, and it tore my world apart.”

In the years since Matt’s death Megan has gone on to found Refuge in Grief, a grief support resource and online community which serves both grieving people and those looking to better support grieving people free online resources, and professional training. Megan is perhaps best known for her 2017 book It's OK That You're Not OK, which is widely seen as one of the staples of Grief Literature.

Since beginning the podcast, and the initial planning phases back in October, Sasha had flagged Megan as the one guest that she wanted to speak to above anyone else, because of the impact Megan’s book had on her while grieving for her mom. Megan was so honest, thoughtful and at times absolutely hilarious with her words throughout this interview, and we really think everyone will enjoy this episode a lot.

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On a summer evening in August 2007 while eating dinner with his wife Jackie, Benji Bennett found himself smiling with joy, as he watched his three children Harry, Adam and Robbie playing with each other in the distance. Soon after, Adam complained to his parents of a headache, and was taken ill. Three days later, on Benji’s birthday, Adam died suddenly from an undiagnosed vascular brain tumour, leaving the Bennett family completely lost.

Episode 5 of Grief Encounters focuses on the theme of taking action in grief, as Sasha and Venetia hear the incredible story of how after Adam’s devastating passing, Benji channelled his grief into a series of amazing children's books, in which Adam played the central character. Benji’s hope is that the books, this interview and anything he now works on will encourage parents to spend more time with their children, and appreciate the tragic fragility of life.

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Our guest this week is a journalist and podcaster who has been campaigning to break the stigma around drug addiction in Ireland, since the death of her brother Matthew in 2016. Niamh O’Donoghue joins Sasha and Venetia to speak about how complex the grief can be when it is as a result of addiction troubles. Niamh’s honest account of her family's troubles in dealing with his addiction both before and after Matthews loss are incredibly powerful to hear. In the interview she speaks about Matthews often misunderstood interior, the devastating reason that lead to his addiction and what damage public stereotypes and language can play in how we treat the country's drug problem.

You can hear her documentary The Gospel According To Matthew here:

https://soundcloud.com/user-973622386/the-gospel-according-to-matthew

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Grief Encounters was set up with one clear goal, which was to open up the conversation around loss for Ireland(and beyond)’s bereaved community. There weren’t nearly enough conversations on record offering support to those in the midst of their grief, and what a better medium to begin one, then a podcast. Unbeknownst to the Grief Encounters team, while we were busy plotting the opening sequence of podcast episodes to take us through January and February, this weeks guest was also spending her free time in a very similar way. 

Liz Gleeson is an experienced grief therapist and also the host of the excellent podcast Shapes Of Grief, which came out in January 2019. Her podcast hosts conversations with people about their experience of loss and grief in their lives, looking at important topics such as losing a partner to illness, complicated & disenfranchised grief and finding meaning after loss. 

In this episode, her and Venetia spark some incredibly interesting conversation about their learnings so far, and what drove them to both start their own outlet for grief. Liz also shared her really interesting opinions on vocalising sympathy for someone who is grieving, stating that  If you are unsure of what to say, it’s often worth taking the risk because the sentiment is usually the most important matter in the conversation. 

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Jane Mckenna is the founder of Ireland's only children's hospice, and The LauraLynn Foundation, both named after her two children, Laura and Lynn. Sadly, her vision to create a national children’s hospice spawned from utter tragedy. Jane joined Sasha & Venetia for an incredibly moving episode of Grief Encounters, where she speaks about how her family's journey through unthinkable loss, made her determined to give back in her own grief - leaving an incredible legacy for her two children.

Jane & her husband Brendan are the proud parents of two beautiful girls Laura & Lynn. Sadly, both Laura and Lynn passed away 20 months apart from each other, to differing illnesses, leaving Jane and Brendan living every parent's worst nightmare. 

“Lynn thought us how to live, and she thought us how to die”

On this week’s episode of the podcast she gives a really special account of her family's life before and after Laura and Lynn’s passing. No detail is spared, as she paints an extremely vivid picture of what their life was like, living in and out of hospitals and waiting appointment to appointment. More importantly, she manages to capture how incredibly strong both girls were, in sickness and in health.

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Dalymount Park, otherwise known as The Home of Irish Football has seen some really special performances taken place in it’s One Hundred and Twenty-year history.

This May, that trend will hopefully continue as, this week’s guests Tony Owen’s & Mike Culshaw will represent a team of bereaved fathers, as they take on an international team of men, who have also been affected by Stillbirth or Neonatal oss. Both teammates join Sasha for this special episode, as they chat about their experience with stillbirth, as well as addressing the problem of men not speaking about their grief to eachother.

Féileacáin (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Association of Ireland – SANDAI) was formed in 2009 and subsequently registered as a charity in 2010 ( CHY – 19635). Feileacain was formed by a group of bereaved parents to offer support to anyone affected by the death of a baby around the time of birth, and the organisation is now the national charity supporting families affected by perinatal loss.

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After a late summer break, Sasha and Venetia return with more weekly Grief Encounters chats, and this weeks guest was an incredibly special one. Stephen Sexton is on the cusp of being one of Ireland's great modern poets, and his debut book has been compared to that of Seamus Heaney in recent weeks. If All The World And Love Were Young, is a beautiful elegy to his mother, who passed away from cancer in 2012. 

Stephen explores her death and other themes of grief through the guise of the Super Mario World, video games that used to consume so much of his childhood. The books narrative takes the reader through the various levels of Super Mario World, whose flowered landscapes bleed into our world, and ours, strange with loss, bleed into it. This episode features an incredible mix of deep conversation about the process of grief, its ever frequent manifestation into the world of art, as well as a few readings of Stephen’s truly beautiful work. 

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This week’s guest has lived most of her life with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of on-going instability in mood, behaviour, self-image and functioning. BPD is also associated with severe functional impairment and high rates of suicide. Nikki Hayes should have been diagnosed aged fifteen the first time she came in contact with the mental health services with anorexia, or aged nineteen, after an attempted suicide; or aged twenty-eight following a breakdown after her father’s death.

On this week’s podcast she speaks to Sasha and Venetia about her experience of balancing a mental illness in the midst of a difficult bereavement, and how she still is overcoming the death of her father - her closest friend.  Sasha and Venetia also look at some of the strange intricacies surrounding death in Ireland on a cultural level, particularly in relation to masking your grief and why that can often be seen as a sign of strength. They ask the question; “What if I was myself, and told you that I was not okay ?”

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Erin McGathy is an American podcaster and comedian who has found her home in Dublin, since moving here in 2016. During her teenage years, she lost her mother Susan to cancer at the young age of 42. A seminal period in Erin’s young life. Last year during the run up to Mothers Day, Erin shared an incredibly open account on social media of her sometimes-beautiful, sometimes-complicated relationship with her mother, and how her illness managed to further these feelings. 

“She told me that she knew I would do great things, and then she apologized for "being a bad mother." I still don't know why she said this and it's painful to think about, but I think she meant she wished we'd known each other more as I was becoming my own adult person. My mom was very elegant, womanly and measured; I was so clearly not heading in that direction, I remember my mother being noticeably disappointed in that, and even a little worried for me. In her weaker moments, she voiced that she was scared that no one would love me because I wore sports bras, didn't brush my hair and ate too much; I wasn't the type of girl that a boy would ever "choose". She later apologized for saying that, but not putting her expectations for herself on me was a struggle…”

On this week’s podcast, she chats with Sasha about coming to terms with those feelings, years down the line. She also discusses her relationship with her now, and how the grief she felt manages to manifest in different ways all those years later. 

Erin is the founder of Mob Theatre Dublin, and can be heard on podcasts This Feels Terrible, Human Conversation and Harmontown. Her stage performance Al Dawes Fucking Loves You also received critical acclaim at this years Dublin Fringe Festival.

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In this week’s episode of the podcast Sasha and Venetia meet the incredibly talented writer, radio presenter and podcaster Emily Dean who speaks about “starting again” after a series of painful losses, all accounted beautifully in her new memoir Everybody Died, So I Got a Dog. The books jarring title is completely indicative to the tone of the conversation, as Emily refuses to speak gently about the painful realities of grief. Now, she is the only survivor of her immediate family and in her interview with Sasha and Venetia, she speaks in great detail of how this strange reality came to be. The Dean’s are a genuinely extraordinary family.

Her Dad was a famous TV personality and her mother an actress. Her relationship with both of them throughout the years was turbulent at times. “It was a peripatetic, slightly unstable childhood. Lot’s of bohemian artists, who were great fun to be around, but if you wan’t fish fingers on the table at 5pm, they’re not your people.” In contrast to this, Emily’s relationship with her sister Rachael meant more than anything in the world to her “I called my sister my lighthouse, she was home.”

Emily’s whole world turned completely on its head in December 2011. Rachael suddenly became very ill, and passed away less than a month later from an aggressive form of cancer. In 2014, her mother was diagnosed with MND, passing away a year later, shortly followed by the death of her father a few months later. Within three short years she was completely on her own. “There’s something about the family you have grown up, in whatever form that takes, that defines you. It is who you are. “ I had moments where I would go to ring my sister, with something funny, or if I had passed somewhere. And then you’d get this sinking feeling of I’ve got no one to tell, no one understands this”

Emily is a fascinating character, and an incredibly smart and intelligent woman who’s absolute love for her sister is still incredibly evident eight years on from her loss. Her conversation sparked many tears, huge moments of laughter, and that was within the first 10 minutes alone.

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This weeks guest is Fiona Tuomey, Founder and Director of HUGG which is an incredible charity that provides suicide bereavement support groups and online resources. In January 2016, Fiona’s beautiful daughter Milly died by suicide at the age of 11, just six weeks away from her twelfth birthday. In the four years since Fiona has done incredible work, campaigning for vital youth and adult mental health services to be implemented countrywide, highlighting some gaping flaws in the Irish health system. 

In the interview, Fiona describes Milly with such vivid colour, that it’s clear to see how special of a child she was. “She felt very deeply about things and I felt that her barometer for empathy was really very strong. She could also feel great sorrow. The first time she saw a homeless man in Dublin she cried, and came home and said can I give him all my pocket money, what can I do?” 

After noticing a change in Milly’s personality, Fiona was made aware that her daughter was suffering from suicidal ideations, having told her peers she knew the exact day she wanted to die. Shocked and devastated, Fiona and her husband approached the situation with a huge amount of seriousness, but were ultimately let down by the state, after searching for support. The Tuomey families story is an incredibly sad one, and much greater questions need to be asked around the shortcomings of Ireland’s health infrastructure to help those struggling with mental health issues. Fiona’s tireless campaigning for these supports and greater accountability, will undoubtedly play a part in fostering a more proactive approach to dealing with suicide and the families affected by it. 

HUGG is a peer support organisation. We provide a safe, confidential environment in which those bereaved by suicide can share their experiences and feelings, so giving and gaining support from each other. The aftermath of a suicide is shocking, debilitating, surreal, life changing. But you can learn to live with this loss. It is not easy, but we are here to help.

People who are suicide bereaved sometimes find it can be difficult for people who have not experienced suicide loss, including professionals, to understand what they are going through. Often the best conversations are had with peers – other people bereaved by suicide. Our support groups are facilitated by people who have been bereaved by suicide. The groups are open, meet fortnightly and are free of charge. You do not have to speak, there is healing in just being with those who understand your pain.

If you would like to come along to a HUGG group, just call us on 01 513 4048 (monitored answering machine) or email info@hugg.ie for more information.

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Stephen Teap’s life changed forever in July 2017, as he lost his wife Irene to cervical cancer. Their story - which is known to many across Ireland, is made more difficult to digest because it could, and should have been prevented. After two false negative smear tests in 2010 and 2013, Irene was diagnosed with stage two cancer in 2015  and died two years later at the age of 35, leaving behind their boys Oscar and Noah.

In the wake of Irene's death, Stephen has been catapulted into the public eye as his search for answers and accountability continues. Much of his life is now dedicated to advocacy around the Cervical Check Scandal, as he looks for safeguards to prevent this devastation from hitting  other families in future. He is one of the founders (alongside Vicky Phelan & Lorraine Walsh) of 221+, a support service for patients and families affected by scandal.

In the interview, Stephen speaks in detail about Irene’s inner strength throughout the whole process, as she vowed to not let the cancer take control of her life.

Like many of our guests on the podcast, Stephen has managed to channel his inner grief into something constructive such as his advocacy work. He spoke to Sasha & Venetia about how 10 years down the line, when Oscar and Noah are old enough to process their mums death and the tragic nature of it, he needs to be able to say that he went looking for answers.

221+ was set up in July 2018 following the significant revelations related to the CervicalCheck screening programme and the subsequent ongoing controversy.

The 221+ Group’s Steering Committee comprises  a number of patient representatives directly affected by the scandal (Vicky Phelan, Stephen Teap and Lorraine Walsh) and by a number of patient groups (the Marie Keating Foundation, the Irish Cancer Society and the Irish Patient Association), with a view to providing structured support and services for these women and their families.

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This week’s edition of Grief Encounters tackles its most universally relatable topic so far - Cancer.

Paul Harrington’s music has been a part of Irish cultural life since winning The Eurovision Song Contest with Charlie McGettigan for their song Rock & Roll Kids in 1994. Hailing from a large family of eight, Paul’s first encounter with grief came on St Stephen’s Day 1999 when his father passed away, naturally at the age of 81. Although terribly sad, he felt a level of acceptance at the passing, because of its nature and his father's age.

Having survived a bout of breast cancer many years previously, Paul’s mother would go on be stricken with bowel cancer and ultimately pass away at the from the disease in 2002 at the age of 80. This devastating blow for the family, was the first of many encounters over a difficult 16 year period for him, where Ireland's biggest killer would plague the Harrington’s with illness and loss.

In this episode, Paul speaks to Sasha & Venetia with complete sincerity and honesty about how difficult cancer can be, for anyone that it brushes. In a particularly poignant moment, Paul describes his lack of self care (over eating, over drinking, smoking etc) as a form of self-harm, in the depths of his grief.

This begins an incredibly interesting conversation around the damaging nature of the word “positivity”, when speaking about death, illness or grief. Sometimes it is difficult or near-impossible to stay positive at the situations life throws at you, and that is okay.

Cancer Stats for Ireland:

1 in 4 deaths in Ireland is caused by cancer.

• Cancer is the biggest killer in Ireland
• It accounts for approximately 30% of deaths every year.
• One person dies from cancer every hour in Ireland.
• Over 9,000 deaths every year are from cancer.

Data sourced from the National Cancer Registry of Ireland (NCRI)

Every 3 minutes in Ireland someone gets a cancer diagnosis. Every hour someone dies from cancer. Incidence of cancer is growing and by 2020, 1 in 2 of us will get a cancer diagnosis in our lifetime.*

• By 2020, 1 in 2 people in Ireland will develop cancer during their lifetime.*
• In Ireland more 40,000 new cases of cancer or related tumours are diagnosed each year.

Data sourced from the Central Statistics Office

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Navigating the various procedures around a funeral can be difficult for everyone involved. Ireland has an extremely unusual and and strange relationship with death, and how we deal with loss, and this is even more evident in the “tradition” of the Irish funeral. That is not to say we do it badly. No, in fact a case can be made to say that it is something we excel in. There is often a huge community involvement when someone dies here. From waking the dead, right through to the burial,  funerals tend to be filled with lots of people, lots of good spirit and lots of sandwiches (something our guest will discuss in todays episode).

Our nearest neighbours in England regard funerals as a much more formal event. “I didn’t get an invite” might wash as an excuse for not attending over there, but the concept of a funeral invitation would seem completely foreign to most Irish people. This week's episode of Grief Encounters takes an interesting and unique look at the Irish funeral with the incredibly thoughtful and funny theatre performer Louis White.

Louise has an incredibly impressive CV when it comes to designing exciting and alternative experiences for audiences. Collaborations with different practitioners have included dancers, visual artists, culinary artists, composers, singers, actors and stage designers. Throughout her diverse theatrical career she has worked with performers and participants’ personal stories; interweaving them into the narrative of acclaimed productions such as Mother You in September 2015 and Way Back Home which won the Spirit of the Fringe in 2013.

Her latest production, This Is The Funeral Of Your Life is currently touring the country and looks the topic of death, mortality and most importantly funerals - in an extremely fun and creative way. The inspiration for the show came after the loss of her father, and the observations she made in the aftermath of his death. On the podcast she speaks about this period in her life and all of the peculiarities that went with it.

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Séamas O’Reilly is a Derry born writer for The Observer and The New York Times, who speaks to Sasha and Venetia about his mother Sheila, who passed away three weeks before his sixth birthday in October 1991. Driving back from the Belfast hospital on the night of her death, his father was faced with the mammoth task of raising 11 children as a loan parent for the first time. 

An exceptionally talented and descriptive writer, Séamas’s memoir “Did Ye Hear Mammy Died?” comes out in Spring 202, and he shares his own memories of that period, and some newly uncovered ones during this week’s chat. Sasha, Venetia and Séamas also share their own unique stories and perspectives on parenting and bereavement and their way to approach the subject of death with children. 

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In this week’s episode Sasha and Venetia speak to mother and campaigner Lauren LaFave, who’s son Breck was murdered in a vicious attack after being targeted by online predator Lewis Danes for over a year. Lorin has spent much of the five years since Breck’s death campaigning and spreading awareness around the prevalence of online grooming, and ways for parents and kids to notice any potential warning signs, launching The Breck Foundation in his name. 

Breck had a huge interest in gaming, having started playing Minecraft in his early teens. He was invited into an online gaming group by school friends, which is where Breck and his would-be attacker Lewis Dane’s first came in contact. Dane’s owned the server that they played on, and established himself as the ringleader of the group regaling Breck and other younger players with fantastical lies about working for the US government and being a self-made millionaire.

Lorin first became suspicious of Breck and Dane’s online friendship after overhearing his much deeper voice within their computer gaming circle, fearing a sexual motive initially. She went to the police her concerns, who despite saying they would file a report, never fully investigated her Lorin's fears. Following an arranged parents meeting, Breck and his friends were forbidden from speaking to Danes, but sadly he opted to continue the conversation in secrecy via a prepaid smartphone Danes had purchased to keep the contact going.

On the 17th of February 2014 at 8am, 18 year old Danes lured Breck to his flat to play video games, by ordering a pre-paid taxi to collect him from his father's house. Having told his father that he would be staying overnight at a friend's house, the alarm was raised the following day when Breck failed to return home.

Lorin spoke to Sasha and Venetia about guilt: “You do feel immensely guilty, especially because I knew. I just didn’t know what to do, and that’s why I think I have this drive to share Breck’s story, because if I had heard me speaking, if I had been listening to this podcast and my son was being groomed, I would act in a different way than I had”

Lorin and her family have been subjected to masses of online abuse from Lewis Dane’s and his family in recent months. Breck’s 17-year-old sister Chloe has received texts saying “shame Breck is dead, he was sexy," "if he was alive I'd be all over him" and she was even sent a picture of a skeleton with the caption "RIP Breck". Social media app Snapchat and Police are not doing enough to tackle online abuse. “The school drove her to the Police Station , we all met there and made the report. And then it felt like nothing happened, because police and snapchat weren’t collaborating and they kind of blame each other”. “Snapchat won’t hand over the details because it is a US based company and it has to go through 12 - 18 months of this process that involves a treaty. It’s ridiculous”

Venetia Quick talks about how the conversation with Lorin lead her to immediately consider her own children’s internet usage. “Literally the first thing I did after arriving home from our chat with Lorin, was speak to my eldest son Felix about some of the many warning signs that Lorin had described. I feel this interview will make any parent rethink their children’s safety when using the web, and after hearing Lorin’s story I would encourage anyone who is concerned with something to follow their parental instinct ”

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Grief Encounters is a weekly podcast series that looks at an issue that affects us all and yet remains so difficult to talk about: grief. Hosted by Venetia Quick and Sasha Hamrogue, the pair are hoping to open up the conversation around loss and create a modern platform for people to share their own experiences, and start open dialogue around the subject of death and all that comes with it.

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This week Sasha and Venetia sat down to record a podcast without the addition of any guests, to discuss their own grief as well a variety of other important matters that have been brought up in the Grief Encounters community online. 

In the episode, they both discuss the recent anniversaries that have taken place for them, and what way the podcast has affected their own approach to these days. In the wake of some tragic and high-profile celebrity deaths in recent weeks, they also look at how we grieve for those we don’t know, and how a public death can often conjure up sad emotions relating to a loved one who has died.

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Christmas can be a difficult time for anyone who has experienced loss in the past, and feelings of grief can be greatly amplified in these busy few weeks. In Episode One of Grief Encounters, Sasha & Venetia meet Dr Colman Noctor an Adolescent Psychotherapist with St Patrick's Mental Health Services in Dublin.

Christmas is a time built on traditions for many people, and Colman discusses the positives and negatives of building new traditions after a loss, in particular for families. He also gives an insight into how children process information differently to adults, and how that can make the grieving process an often strange and difficult one for a child to deal with.

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This week’s podcast is slightly different as we listen to an incredible conversation between Sasha and Megan Devine, who you might remember from one our favourite episodes last year: It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay. Sasha and Megan chatted during an ‘Insta Live’ on Megan’s incredible Refuge In Grief Chanel about grieving in such unprecedented time of our lives.

They chat through how to help our friends and family be a support during grief, how we are all being effected at the moment and how we process our feelings, especially in these uncertain times. 

About Megan:

Megan’s career as a therapist was mainly based around working with people with substance addiction. It wasn’t until a summer day in 2009 that grief would become a firm fixture in her life, as her Matt drowned in a devastating accident just three months from his fortieth birthday. In Megan’s own words “It was random, unexpected, and it tore my world apart.”

In the years since Matt’s death Megan has gone on to found Refuge in Grief, a grief support resource and online community which serves both grieving people and those looking to better support grieving people free online resources, and professional training. Megane is perhaps best known for her 2017 book It's OK That You're Not OK, which is widely seen as one of the staples of Grief Literature.

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This week's Grief Encounters is a little bit different than usual. Regular listeners of the podcast know that we often focus an episode on the life and loss of someone dear to our guests. 

Kelsie Donelly  is a PHD graduate from Queen’s University Belfast who recently got in touch with us about her research that looks into the ways in which 21st century literature can provide a new perspective on our grief. We were delighted to share this podcast with her, as she discussed how 2020 and everything that has come with it, has changed the focus of grief, and how particular narratives changed around the subject particularly in relation to the pandemic. She also discusses with Sasha about a new potential landmark in grief culture, that took place in the quite literal form of Robert Kardashian’s hologram birthday message to his daughters. 

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The relationship between language and loss is something that we have we have covered in the past, and it’s also something that has proven to be divisive. How direct and frank should someone be, when the conversation is about an impending death? This week’s guest is the Journal.ie’s Orla Ryan, who sadly lost her father to esophageal cancer in 2012. It wasn’t until a nurse told Orla “A week in your dad’s life is a long time” did she realise just how little time she had left with him. 

In the interview Orla and Sasha discuss how we discuss grief and the words that we choose to use. Orla has done incredible work in the past speaking about her own grief, most notably the article 'Then everyone died': I lost four people I loved in 14 months. In the article orla describes at length her beautiful relationship with her father, and how in the 14 months following her death she also suffered the loss of two grandparents and a close friend. 

Speaking to Sasha about the longer term effects of successive loss like this, she said “It was this familiar thing that somebody else that you loved is gone. Talking about ‘the surreal period’ after a death, and if then there is a few more deaths in the space of just over a year, then ‘the surrealness’ can last for over another year as well. 

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To Post or Not To Post, that is the question - that many of us are faced with when overcome with grief, after a loved one dies. For many, social media is where we go to express the majority of our our feelings and emotions, but should this still extend to speaking about our own grief and despair? Are some things too personal for the web? In this special episode of Grief Encounters, Sasha and Venetia speak to two writers about their own opinions around grief in the digital age.

Kiran Sidhu is a London based writer who’s work can be seen in The Guardian, Daily Telegraph, The Independent, Southall Gazette, Eastern Eye, Holy Moly, Playboy and Time & Leisure about grief and a wide range of topics. Her article, ‘A dirty secret called grief,’ published by the Guardian, is being used in university modules as part of the curriculum and in professional mental health environments, and was shared over 83,000 on social media around the globe. Kiran has used the internet and social media as a tool to break down the stigma attached with speaking about loss, after her mother passed away at the age of 62. She spoke to Sasha & Venetia about how the internet offered her a path to find those with a shared-experience to her own, something that she still feels is extremely valuable for a person in grief.

Jeanne Sutton is a Dublin Based writer, whos article ‘Why You Shouldn’t Judge Other People’s Grief’ caught the eyes of Sasha and Venetia, after recording their chat with Kiran. In the article Jeanne speaks about how the way we mourn has moved online for a lot of people, but that this digital space should also be a safe one for people to grieve. In this really interesting conversation, she speaks about the idea of a digital wake as the new cultural norm for those experiencing loss. In the interview, online etiquette (or lack of) becomes a major topic of discussion, as Sasha, Venetia & Jeanne all share their experiences with death in a digital age in this thought provoking episode.

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This week’s guest is a tenor, writer and performer whos beautiful show Nine Weeks received widespread acclaim at this years Dublin Fringe Festival. Nine Weeks deals with Seán Kennedy’s experience of bringing his terminally-ill mother home from Australia, at the hands of an abusive partner. Seán’s account of his weeks spent in Victoria Point caring to his mother, and ultimately freeing her from the control of her partner genuinely have to be heard to be believed. It is a story where the unconditional love he shows is abundantly present throughout the conversation. 

In the interview, he discusses at the detail the terrifying nature of balancing the cocktail of drugs and medicine’s required to tend to his mother’s cancer and his constant fear of accidentally overdosing her. Finally, Seán’s account of his mothers final hours and minutes are extremely vivid and paint an incredibly clear picture that will be familiar to many listeners. Also in a similar vein to a host of recent Grief Encounters guests, the story involves the absolutely incredible care team from Our Lady’s Hospice, Harolds Cross, who Sasha and Venetia both have personal connections with. 

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This week’s guest on Grief Encounters has been an extremely familiar face on Irish television for nearly 2 decades. Nuala Carey joined Sasha and Venetia in studio to speak about her incredibly beautiful relationship with her father Maurice who passed away in November 2018. With a huge amount of bravery and compassion, Nuala has been using her platform as a way to exercise the conversation around grief, undoubtedly helping a huge amount of people up and down the length of the country.

Nuala’s father Maurice was a proud Corkoinian, and this was a hugely important part of his fabric. During his sickness Nuala did a huge amount of work to try and care for her father, but she considers her own involvement as an absolute given. “You have to be practical, this situation was not going to go on for two years, it was not even going to go on for one year, there was months in it. I didn’t care if I was stressed or busy, this was just something that we all had to give a push for, and have to give it 150%. For his sake and ours”

Nuala’s account of her time spent with her father was extremely special, and it gives a huge insight into what an empathetic and caring daughter she is. She believed that trying to live in the present was imperative for her dad’s morale when he was struggling with the illness. After a lot of time spent in St Vincent’s Hospital, Maurice was transferred to spend his last couple of days in Blackrock Hospice before slipping away extremely peacefully. Nuala was a genuinely terrific guest on this week’s podcast and her love and compassion is so evident in every second of her conversation with Sasha and Venetia. 

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This weeks guest is The Sunday Times’ writer Laura Kennedy, a leading voice in grief conversation here in Ireland over the past five years. Laura’s work has done a huge amount in distilling a more modern approach to how we discuss the people we have lost in our lives, as well as the grief that comes with doing so. She spoke to Sasha about her beautiful mother Emma, who died from pancreatic cancer in 2015. 

In the interview she spoke in detail about her mother’s illness and trying to navigate her own emotions, knowing that her mother’s illness was progressively worsening. 

“I have always been very interested in emotions and have gone on to study those, and done a PHD in Philosophy relating to emotions because I found them interesting. And because my mother was always so strident about controlling them -that they are relevant, but they are not always true. So it seemed not particularly relevant. Her need was evidently greater. “

Laura’s grief has developed, particularly in recent years, and she now finds herself in a better place when thinking back about Emma. 

“I don’t feel the rawness of emotion that I felt then, and I think it would be deeply concerning if I did. I do feel the depths of emotion, but obviously I have learned to recognise it better, and cope with it better. And now also treat my responses with a bit of understanding and kindness, because you can feel like an idiot getting upset in the supermarket because of a song that came on. But you are a person. You’re not impervious and of course memory and emotion will affect you. And it’s not nice, but in a way its endearing, that even after 5 years, even a couple of lines from a song can bring her back in that moment” 

After hearing this chat, we think listeners will agree that how Laura speaks and describes her own grief is equally as beautiful as her writing on the matter.

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The most difficult thing for Kathy Ryan when she was diagnosed with Younger Onset Alzheimers Disease was the scary and sad reality that at some stage in the future, she will look at her two boys Andrew and Matt, and not know who they are. Over 5 years ago In January 2014, Kathy was diagnosed with with the terminal illness, and in this week’s episode of Grief Encounters, she speaks to Sasha and Venetia about grieving herself - a topic that is yet to appear on the podcast.

Kathy has experienced difficulties with memory loss since she was in her forties, but never anticipated that it could be anything related to the illness that now impacts many aspects of her life. That was until her father was diagnosed with vascular dementia and through her own research, noticed she shared some of the same symptoms with him. Since then, Kathy has dedicated her life in to safeguarding her future as putting huge amounts of time and work into advocacy on behalf of The Alzheimer Society of Ireland. Kathy’s story is inspirational, and in the episode she describes vividly about what effects the illness have on her everyday life, and how important small acts of kindness and patience can be towards those living with the disease.

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The COVID 19 outbreak has touched the lives of thousands of families across Ireland, and more than ever before the prospect of an unexpected loss is a growing concern for many. 

Grief is complicated even on the best of days, but now as our lives are restricted in so many ways, the way grieve has also changed dramatically. There has been a lot of emphasis on the obvious physical changes such as funeral capacities and hospital visitations but in reality, the restrictions that we are living through now also impact those who are suffering from longterm in a very real way.

Orla Keegan is head of Bereavement and Education services at The Irish Hospice Foundation and joins Sasha and Venetia this week to discuss the impact this pandemic is having on those grieving around Ireland, and the necessity to reach out more than ever, in these unprecedented times. 

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In early 2014 Gerry Collins’ moving words carried across the nation. This was due to his central role in the ads for the HSE’s QUIT campaign, which sought to convince people to give up smoking. The nation saw a brave man warning others, trying to save people from making the same mistake that he made. But Gerry was also a family man. A father. For Lisa Collins, her dad had always been ‘her person’. She simply couldn’t imagine a future without him.

Today on Grief Encounters, Lisa guides us through this turbulent period in her life and the life of her family as they battled against the diagnosis, as filming for the ads commenced and the campaign was launched, and the public spotlight was suddenly thrust upon the Collins family – all while Lisa struggled to accept her father’s impending death and Gerry’s health quickly deteriorated.

In this incredibly insightful interview, she discusses the stigma attached around a smoking related illness, and whether that perception is changing in the mind of the public. Lisa is refreshingly honest when speaking about the difficulties she had in her grief, in an episode that is sure to resonate a lot with many of our listeners. In September 2018, she published Gerry’s incredible story in the book “The Man Who Moved A Nation - A Daughter's Story ”.

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month internationally,  and for many people, the first name that springs to mind when thinking of the subject, is that of Marie Keating, who passed away from the illness in February 1998 .

Since Marie’s death, her family have done unimaginable work in creating awareness for the disease, which devastated them 21 years ago. This week Sasha and Venetia are joined in the studio by Linda Keating, Marie’s daughter and Founder of The Marie Keating Foundation to tell us about the incredible work her family have done in spreading awareness about cancer in ireland. 

In the interview Linda tells the podcast that her mother died because she did not know enough about cancer and the importance of early detection. She also had a huge and extremely common phobia of visiting hospitals and interacting with medical professionals, meaning that she put off getting herself checked for a long time. The saddest part about their story is that If Marie had understood her symptoms and if she had been treated earlier she would be alive today. This fact has been the driving force behind the incredible work Lind and her family have done in the years since their loss. The type of breast cancer that Marie died from is called Paget’s Disease, which is a decaying nipple that can be followed by a malignant tumour, causing breast cancer. 

According to Linda, Marie Keating died because she did not know enough about cancer and the importance of early detection. If Marie had understood her symptoms and if she had been treated earlier she would be alive today. This is why The Marie Keating Foundation was started. 

About the charity:

Given the fact that there are over 170,000 cancer survivors in Ireland today, the Marie Keating Foundation supports cancer survivors through its Positive Living and Survive & Thrive programmes, which are run nationwide, free of charge, for men and women. 

Over 1,000 cancer survivors have attended courses and seminars since the programmes’ inception in 2014. The Survive & Thrive Programme is aimed to assist anyone who has come through treatment to adjust to their ‘new normal’ and offer practical advice and help in many areas of life including diet and exercise, emotional support and adjusting to returning to work.

 The Positive Living programme is for men and women living with advanced cancer and supports them in coping with their specific physical and psychological needs. The Foundation is almost entirely reliant on private and corporate donations to provide its cancer awareness and support services free of charge to families in communities throughout Ireland.

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In recent years, the public’s attitude towards grief and loss seem to be changing, and more open conversations about the subject are happening, with those bereaved. These conversations, however, are often still regarded as taboo when speaking about Pregnancy & Infant Loss, with the grief often being kept silent. 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and this week Sasha and Venetia were joined by the incredibly inspirational writer and blogger Aoife Bermingham, to speak about her experience with stillbirth, after losing her son Oisin in September 2016. Aoife was also joined in studio by Éabha, her beautiful daughter who was born five weeks previous to the interview. 

Aoife’s life changed forever on Tuesday 28th 2016, as she accounts in this beautiful passage from her blog Irish Mum On the Run:

“At 4.05 we got called in. Up I hopped on the bed and the sonographer started putting the gel on. I asked her not to give us any inclination of the gender as we wanted a surprise as I joked with her that at my last anomaly scan the previous year the sonographer said ‘him’ and I spent the rest of my pregnancy assuming it was a boy and was shocked when we had a girl!

 At 4.07pm my life changed forever.

 The sonographer placed the handle on my tummy and within 5 seconds, placed her hand on my abdomen and uttered the words that constantly ring in my ears (ok I am crying now writing this), ‘Aoife, I am so sorry but your baby has no heartbeat’… my own heart skipped a beat or two, my mouth dried up and my head went foggy, ….’don’t say those words, those words, stop, this can’t be true, try again, this is all wrong, this can’t be true’ is what was swimming around in my head but I couldn’t talk. I looked at the screen and saw an outline of baby just lying there, not moving, on the screen. I couldn’t look any longer. “

In the interview, Aoife speaks in detail about the years and months since that day, and how it has changed her forever. She also discusses the importance of others acknowledging Oisin and his ongoing role in their family. 

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Sasha looks back on what has been an incredible debut 12 months for Grief Encounters, featuring some of the most powerful interviews on the podcast to date. 

On behalf of all the team, we want to wish our listeners and past guests a joyous and prosperous 2020. We will be back next Tuesday with our first show of the New Year.

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The ever changing landscape of how we grieve, is something that has been continuously discussed on the podcast. The internet and social media have had a huge role in creating new ways to remember someone who has passed away over the past 15 years. These relatively new avenues of expression have many benefits, but like all things online - there are still a huge amount of pitfalls that come with using Facebook or Twitter as a place to cherish the memory of a parent, friend, sibling or child.

This week’s guest on the podcast is hoping to change this landscape, by creating a custom built space to help the bereaved commemorate their loved ones. Jess Dornan Lynas lost her Mum, Lorna, to pancreatic cancer when she was just 19 years old. She has spent the 20 years since, yearning for a means to remember her mum better and ways to really celebrate her life. When able, Jess visits Lorna's grave with her children.

It is a nostalgic and cathartic experience for them all. But it struck Jess whilst looking at her Mum's headstone, which reads 1948-1998 that it is the dash between those dates which barely hints at her amazing life and all its stories. Jess has realised that this is all part of the grieving process which is ongoing throughout one's life.

This remembering and celebrating life is incredibly important and can offer real catharsis. She speaks to Sasha and Venetia on how Afterbook was conceived, to digital assist this process. Motherhood is also a huge talking-point during this episode, as Jess speaks about the emotional impact her mother's absence has taken, one her own experience in raising her children without their grandmother to share in the memories.

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On this week’s episode of Grief Encounters, Sasha and Venetia speak to DJ and Radio Presenter Andy Preston. His voice will be familiar to many, as it accompanies Dublin offices and homes throughout the workday, but Andy’s backstory is one that is largely untold.

Sadly death and grief has played a large role in Andy’s life from an early age, and is something that has accompanied him closely, for many years. Andy is the sole remaining member of his birth family, and has also suffered the loss of a best friend; fellow radio companion Tony Dixon.

He first experienced loss when his sister Elaine died from an undiagnosed lung condition when Andy was 18 years old. This loss affected Andy on many levels, and in the interview he discusses with Sasha and Venetia how the loss turned him into an extremely angry young man.

The conversation looks a lot at how Andy managed to learn something in grief, and cary that through to other stages in his life. In the case of his sister's death, this anger was able to evolve into Andy becoming a more mindful and considered person going forward into adulthood and beyond. Andy’s personal journey in grief is one filled with many highs and lows, and honest account of his own shortcomings and failures is what makes this such an interesting listen.

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This week’s guest is the founder of an incredible charity and resource for the bereaved, called The Good Grief Trust, which is pioneering the way that The UK approach grief support and resources. Lind Magistris first met her partner Graham when she played Susi in the BBC Series, Grange Hill. Graham was one of the series directors and 30 years later, purely by accident, Linda crossed paths with him once again. The pair enjoyed a loving and romantic relationship that lasted 8 years, but sadly Graham was diagnosed with a rare soft tissue sarcoma, an aggressive form of cancer, and he died five and a half months later.

The grief that ensued changed Linda’s whole world. After Graham’s death she went in search for grief support through the suggested and usual avenues such as her GP. She was shocked by the sheer lack of information regarding what resources were available to her, particularly a time she needed it most. Linda began to realise that there are huge gaps in bereavement support in the UK and so began her quest to make significant improvements in the way grief is managed in Britain.

The situation Linda witnessed was, that often the content and quality of the information provided to relatives by hospitals, hospices, GP's, Police, Funeral Directors, Registrars, Care Homes & Clergy is sporadic and generally depended on who is dealing with the death and where in the UK they lived.  She founded The Good Grief Trust in September 2016, which strives to bring all bereavement services together around the country, ensure that everyone receives the support they need to move forward with their lives.

There are outstanding many charities and organisations offering excellent support for those who have lost someone close all around the UK, but they are just not being easily found. Equally many organisations are not providing sufficient information, guidance and advice, with some offering no support at all, so many thousands of people are falling through the cracks. The Good Grief Trust brings this information altogether in one practical and easy to use website, also segmenting the information in an incredibly practical way.

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This week’s Sasha meets the award winning UK writer Louisa young, who’s book You Left Early accounts her relationship with Robert Lockhart, an extremely talented and prolific composer from Wigan, who battled with alcohol addiction throughout his life. 

 Loving an addict can be incredibly difficult thing to do. It's a relationship that is often rampant with deceit & disappointment, and sadly more often that not, the addiction comes out on top. Louisa is a hugely empathetic person, and this is extremely prevalent in how she views addiction and the addict themselves. “The thing about an addict is, it may not be their fault that they’re and addict. I don’t believe it is their fault. They didn’t ask for the particular set-up of genes and experience and psychology, and everything that adds up to a person being addictive.” Louisa and Robert both struggled through the addiction and with an incredible amount of hard work, he was able to take command of his sobriety. 

Although sober, years of heavy alcohol abuse had left robert extremely ill. He was diagnosed with throat cancer, and managed to survive it. “He really suffered but he was a very battered but gallant, marvelous man.Then after all that, and all those things which could have killed him, he actually died by accident.” Their love story is one that seems desperately unfair, and Louisa speaks about this in great detail during the interview. She also puts a huge emphasis on how although Robert is no longer living, she does still consider him a huge part of her life presently. ‘I miss him everyday. I am incredibly happy not to be living with alcoholism in my everyday life. Even an alcoholic in recovery, it’s still a very hard full time job, both for the addict and for the people closest to them”

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Jess O’Neill is a writer and mother from Carlow, who has been documenting her family's life on her blog My Moo And Roo since 2017. In an incredibly brave an open interview, she chatted with Sasha and Venetia about miscarraige, and what can be done to open the conversation around a virtually unspoken subject. Jess became pregnant just before Christmas, and her and her partner Matt were delighted with the incredible news.  They had planned to have 3 kids under 5, when starting off their family, and they announced that baby number 3 was on the way in early January, to everyone's delight.

Sadly Jess is representative of the well publicised statistic that 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscaraige, having realised something was wrong in February.  For something that is such a common occurrence, why is the conversation rarely had between friends, family and even in detail by medical professionals, which was the case for her and Matt. In the interview she speaks about anger and guilt , as well as trying to balance the difficult act of motherhood itself while stuck in the middle of her own grief - something that she speaks about in her latest blog post: Being ‘Mammy’ While Grieving

________________

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, trying to find the right way to explain it.

When you have kids and you go through a loss, in my case miscarriage, it’s hard to grieve. You’re not in the position to curl up and stay in bed for weeks, even though that’s what you want to do. You still have to get up and feed the kids, dress them, bring them to playschool, mind them. I’m so irritable these past few weeks and I know the kids are picking up on it. There are days I really feel ‘I can’t do this today’. The days I’m overwhelmed by grief, when I can’t quite seem to catch my breath. You can’t, as much as you’d like to, lie down and cry. You realise the world keeps spinning and as much as you want off, you have responsibilities.

I find when I’m in the car driving and I get lost in my thoughts or a song comes on the radio, just as I’m welling up and about to go off the deep end into a good cry, Max pipes up from behind me and says something or does something funny and it stops me in my tracks, makes me smile and laugh. The tears retreat and I’m left wanting. It’s like someone interrupting your sneeze. That unsatisfied feeling.

It’s a stop start grieving process and I’m finding that hard. It’s frustrating. By the time the day is done, I’m so used to being stopped in my tracks, I can’t cry. Or I’ve learned to switch off the emotions, because the constant stop starting is painful. It’s like I’ve to schedule my grief, and in a perfect world, that would be ok. But I don’t live in perfect world, none of us do. Grief comes when you least expect it and if in that moment, you can’t grieve, when do you?

I have to get up and “mammy”. I have two wonderful, albeit cheeky rugrats, to look after. They really do keep me on my toes and I am shattered by the time bedtime rolls around. And by that time, I’m half asleep on the couch. To a degree I’m delighted I don’t have the time to grieve because who wants to feel like that? I am scared though, that time will pass and I’ll realise I’m not dealing with our loss, not fully processing it, because I “don’t have the time”. It’s such a 21st century statement – “I don’t have time to grieve”.

It was Mother’s Day last weekend and I found myself incredibly emotional. We would have been just over 17 weeks pregnant with our baby. 5 weeks has passed and I honestly feel like it’s only hitting me now. Robyn’s broken leg has hit me hard and in ways I feel like I’m right back at square one. Being in a hospital room on Mother’s Day wasn’t what I’d imagined. I received mother’s day cards from two of my children, and I can’t shake the fact that ‘bump’ wasn’t signed on the card (something that has been done for me since becoming pregnant).

So if you’re struggling or like me, you wished that...

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The relationship between art and loss is something that has featured in many of the first 20 episodes of Grief Encounters that have now been published. Whether it is through music, poetry or literature, there is something particular about the theme of grief, that translates so fluently into these creative forms.

This week's guest is broadcaster turned author Sinead Gleeson, who’s new book Constellations - Reflections From Life looks at many things including parenthood, friendship, sickness and grief. Sinead has a huge amount of experience in interviewing the world's best authors and writers through her RTE radio show, and work with some of the many literary festivals around the country. Sitting on the other side of the microphone, Sinead was no different. Funny, kind expressive and articulate are just a number of words to describe her conversation with Sasha and Venetia, marking the 20th episode of the podcast perfectly.

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Christmas can be a difficult time for anyone who has experienced loss in the past, and feelings of grief can be greatly amplified in these busy few weeks. This week on the podcast Sasha & Venetia revisit their first ever episode of Grief Encounters in an incredibly insightful interview Dr Colman Noctor, who is an Adolescent Psychotherapist with St Patrick's Mental Health Services.

Christmas is a time built on traditions for many people, and Colman discusses the positives and negatives of building new traditions after a loss, in particular for families. He also gives an insight into how children process information differently to adults, and how that can make the grieving process an often strange and difficult one for a child to deal with. 

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