Good Girls Talk About Sex (Leah Carey)

What happens when your brain is so busy it can't slow down to enjoy having sexy time with the cute guy who's totally into you? 

In today's episode, we break down the first two episodes of the HBO show Starstruck with teen sex and relationship educator Julia Sheldon (who also happens to be Leah's dear friend.) We focus on lead character Jessie and how overthinking gets in the way of being present.

Upcoming Beyond Permission class schedule:

• Thursday, Feb. 22 - Embracing your inner MILF with Danielle
• Tuesday, Feb. 27 - Dating at midlife with Leah
• Tuesday, March 5 - Sex toys show & tell with Leah
• Thursday, March 7 - Ask a couple with Danielle & Adam
• Tuesday, March 12 - What’s wrong with my libido? with Leah

BEYOND PERMISSION classes:
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/starstruck

Kay is our youngest guest yet, and she lets us in on how her generation is exploring sex differently because they’re the first with easy access to p*rn. She has dated people of multiple genders, and realized she loves all bodies. Despite her young age, Kay has already learned hard lessons about toxic relationships, trust, and consent.

Kay is an 18-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as Black, pansexual, monogamous, and in a relationship. She grew up Catholic and describes her body as full.

Bookmark moments:

• 5:34 - Kay shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, when her peers in 6th grade were watching porn. It was her closest thing to a learning experience before trying things like handjobs and blowjobs.
• 9:55 - Kay “sort of” came out as bi in 7th grade, and then discovered she liked trans people too. She went to a Catholic school with genders separated and describes girls kissing in class. As they get older, school culture turns anti-gay.
• 14:40 - Sex Ed in school was brief biology, everything she already knew. Her first kiss was a dare on IG live with her best friend. It becomes her first relationship, which has its struggles.
• 18:00 - Kay talks about suicidal thoughts that both she and her girlfriend worked through.
• 25:30 - Kay lives with her mom; her mom found out about her dating girls after seeing her phone but didn’t take issue with it. Kay wishes for more open conversation around sex.
• 31:03 - She meets a boy. He’s not a friend first, and after the honeymoon phase it doesn’t go well, but lasts for two toxic years. He verbally abuses her about her appearance and cheats on her.
• 38:20 - Kay describes a painful loss of virginity experience. Our culture says this is normal, but Leah does some myth-busting on what is actually normal and how this experience can and should go down.
• 47:41 - Kay talks about her current relationship. She’s had her first orgasm! But sometimes he doesn’t stop when she tells him to. This includes unwanted touching.
• 55:27 - They talk about how Kay’s generation is the first with easy access to porn, and what messages are being gleaned.
• 1:01:30 - They talk about masturbation. Kay started around 4th
• 1:03:03 - The Lowdown: Kay answers questions about sex during periods, STI’s, birth control, number of sex partners, dating outside your race, toys, positions, initiating sex, being active vs passive, clit stimulation vs penetration, breast play, achieving and faking orgasms, solo vs partnered sex, kinds of touch, rough play, safety protocols specific to choking, one’s partner masturbating alone or watching porn alone, blowjobs, swallowing, hair vs bare, group sex, ass play, kink desires, dirty talk, laughter, confusing sexual urges, favorite body part, least favorite body part, areas to improve sex life, and correcting old beliefs.

Resources:

Feminist porn – PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR PORN!

• pinklabel.tv
• brightdesire.com
• AbbyWinters.com
• CrashPadSeries.com

Patreon:

All archived Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now available for FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Individual and couples coaching - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

In this Pop Culture Pillow Talk, I talk with pop culture critic Kristen Meinzer about two great movies:

• Joy Ride
• Plan B

You can find Kristen at:

• www.kristenmeinzer.com
• How To Be Fine podcast
• The Daily Fail podcast
• Twitter
• Instagram
• Threads

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/red-flags-sophilia

Leah tackles the hierarchy of orgasms—and getting there at all. This week women respond to whether they prefer clit or vaginal stimulation, which opens up a penetrating (see what we did there?!) discussion about preferences.

Sex Ed For Adults: “You are the only one who knows what’s right for your genitals.” As long as what’s under consideration is consensual, pretty much everything else falls on a scale from “I desire it” to “I don’t desire it.” There is no norm within that scale—the scale IS the norm. You can be anywhere on it, and still be “normal.” It’s a matter of your (and your body’s) preference, and you alone are the interpreter and boss. Trust yourself and your body.

Bookmarks for this episode:

• 3:00 - Leah discusses the false hierarchy of orgasms: having a clit orgasm vs vaginal orgasm vs g-spot orgasm.
• 5:03 - Chorus of voices answering the question “Do you prefer clit stimulation or vaginal penetration?”
• 9:37 - Leah answers the question and discusses the mechanics of penetration with regard to differences in everyone’s body, and how bodies fit together.
• 11:45 - Leah discusses difficulties in reaching orgasm due to medication, and myths about using vibrators.
• 20:22 – “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if it’s okay that she doesn’t like receiving oral sex.
• 23:20 - Leah discusses worries about the taste and smell of our lady parts.

New podcast recommendation (25:15):

“Speak From The Body” by Avni Trivedi

Excerpted episode - Craving Touch Whilst Isolating

Find Avni at www.avni-touch.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/avnitouch

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/avnitouch

Twitter: https://twitter.com/avnitouch

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this special episode, Leah talks about her recent slide into anxiety and depression.

The "too long, didn't listen" version is: the podcast will continue on a regular schedule, but I'm taking a step back from everything else to give myself some time to reset and refocus. Also, listener emails mean the world to me, so if you want to send something please do: leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com.

Is it normal to want dating without hook-ups? And what if you don’t even know who you want to date?

When you’re on the asexual spectrum with bisexual attractions, it can be confusing to chart desire and create a relationship that works for you. Alice from South Africa talks about having very little sex education and a low sex drive, but still finding her way.

Alice is a 23-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, and single. She’s not sure how to define her sexual orientation yet (though it’s probably not straight), and she’s probably monogamous, but clarified “I’m only 23 years old, so who knows?”  She grew up in South Africa and describes her body as thin.

TOPICS WE TALK ABOUT:

• Asexuality
• Demi-sexuality
• Lack of Sex Education
• Consent
• Sexual orientation
• What is “queer enough”?
• Does virginity matter

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Planned Parenthood Direct – download the app to get convenient and affordable birth control delivered to your door: http://www.ppdirect.app/api/safelink?name=inf_leahcarey_1121
To sign up for notification when it’s available in your state, go to: www.plannedparenthooddirect.org

Kindra – try out Kindra at www.ourkindra.com using code goodgirls20 for 20% off your first purchase.

Full show notes at https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/am-i-asexual-if-i-still-want-to-kiss-people-alice/

In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Kate, a cis-gendered white woman in a monogamous heterosexual marriage who is 37 years old. Kate is a stripper in Portland, Oregon.

I met her one afternoon when I visited Sassy’s with a friend of hers and she sat down to chat with us between sets.

The first thing I noticed about Kate was that even though I had just seen her dancing naked on a pole, she was one of the most articulate and intelligent women I'd met in a long time. She forced me to come face-to-face with my own judgments about sex workers.

Here are some of the great moments Kate shared with us:

• 5:34 – The conversation in Kate’s childhood home about sexuality
• 16:19 – Why being the “pursuer” in a romantic relationship felt empowering for Kate as a teenager
• 28:55 – How Kate got into dancing
• 31:49 - The different degrees of sex work
• 35:15 – Why creating a fantasy is the larger part of sex work
• 36:50 – The different sexual proclivities of men from different cultures
• 38:00 - The Quick Five

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

• Strip club – Sassy’s
• Former strip club - The Lusty Lady

My conversation with Kate went on for a full 90 minutes and covered a TON more topics – including how she balances a monogamous marriage with her career as a stripper. This is a conversation you DON’T want to miss! To hear it, join our listener community at Patreon for just $5 a month.

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

A horny ex-Catholic joins us from the Netherlands to give us the low-down on how living in a liberal country but growing up in an oppressive family gave her all sorts of mixed-up and downright wrong messages. It’s something like a double-negative version of universes colliding to form new yeses. She’s now a mother of five, and currently balancing sex and motherhood and an unconventional family arrangement.

Carla is a 45-year-old cisgender woman who describes herself as Black, heteroflexible, and partnered. She has five children and she said her preferred relationship style is, “If we talk about it and we’re on the same page, it’s okay.”

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/horny-carla

Melissa experienced childhood sexual abuse and is dealing with its long-term impacts. She has a complicated pleasure response and is working on reframing how she views sex after abuse.

Melissa is a 40-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as Latina, heterosexual, monogamous, married with 3 boys.  She grew up in the United States and currently lives with her family in Australia.

Public Service Announcements:

Sex is not just about the male partner’s ejaculation, and the male partner’s ejaculation is not your job! For more on this, listen to our conversation at 42:05.

How Healing Happens:

After childhood sexual abuse, Melissa is determined to keep unpacking her experiences and shaping a sex life that feels like actual fun. She knows she is blessed with a good partner. She’s sought therapy, and pays attention. She just plain wants better. The search for real joy has become her driving force. “I’m all about breaking generational issues! That’s just me!”

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:15 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure at 16 and having a moment alone that felt differently and purely “good.”
• 5:50 - Melissa reveals that she experienced childhood trauma around sex.
• 9:00 - Sex ed (in the 90’s) was mostly watching old (70’s/80’s) videos in school which were biologically oriented. She received a lot of negative messaging around sex—from parents about pregnancy, from her childhood abuse.
• 15:40 - The repressive effects of growing up Catholic and of childhood sexual trauma continue into college.
• 17:00 - Her first relationship is with the man who later became her husband; she met him at age 17 in college.
• 18:10 - She didn’t have sex with her boyfriend initially but the activities they did remind her of something wrong.
• 18:50 - Melissa describes what it’s like to be energetically divided within the sexual experience by past trauma—part of the brain being devoted to assuring herself she’s safe, and only whatever is left can experience the pleasure.
• 20:00 - Her boyfriend/husband is the first person she opened up to about the abuse and he suggested getting therapy.
• 22:50 - She had sex for the first time with her boyfriend (now-husband) 2 years into their relationship.
• 25:25 - She describes in detail what the body detachment from pleasure was like to experience, and it turns out this is a common trauma response. Also that she performed the acts to please him, not herself.
• 26:40 - Leah talks about autonomic responses, with or without the experience of actual pleasure.
• 28:00 - Leah talks about how little girls are socialized into the habit of taking care of others and performing pleasure.
• 32:50 - Melissa reconciles “ordinary” behaviors with her trauma behaviors, and through trust in her husband she’s able to try new things and through therapy to hold new ideas.
• 36:00 - Melissa shares her sexual turn-ons.
• 37:15 - She talks about the impact of timing and motherhood and having to shift mindsets for sex.
• 38:18 - Sex currently in the marriage is “good” though not “yay” or “joy.”
• 40:00 - Going to the gym, in addition to therapy, has helped Melissa with health and body image and reaching desired goals while releasing trauma. She’s also trying to consciously transition from thinking of sex as work to thinking of it as fun time.
• 41:30 - She talks more about what it means to feel like sex is a job.
• 42:05 – Is it sex if the man doesn’t ejaculate?

The Lowdown (45:33)

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?

 The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $5/month – How having kids has affected Melissa’s relationship with her body and with sex
• $7/month – The extended Lowdown Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

We follow the oral sex question with a deep dive into swallowing ejaculate (or *not*.) We hear a wide variety of yes/no answers, but also yes/no conditions. Then Leah share her personal experience with blowjobs and the journey she took to make sure it was as good for her as it was for him.

How Healing Happens: Little boys get just as much bad messaging as little girls do. Learning how to openly and safely communicate with your sexual partner can re-educate and heal you both.

Bookmark moments:

• 1:49 – A chorus of women answer the question “Do you swallow?”
• 6:01 - Leah answers. She opens by sharing that in the pre-internet days, Cosmo was her primary source of information.
• 7:52 - The “If you love him, you swallow” rule and its fallout.
• 11:13 - Leah gives her first blowjob, and it’s disastrous for her afterwards.
• 13:03 - A new approach learned at a STARS class blows her mind.
• 16:25 - Leah and her partner try something new with blowjobs and it’s a win-win.
• 19:05 - Leah shares a listener email that offers an unusual perspective—a man’s response to the podcast.
• 24:47 - Podcast recommendation:

When Women Speak by Sara Sanderson - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935

The Emma Case interview - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935/4128944-am-i-welcome-here-why-we-must-do-more-than-simply-say-everyone-is-welcome

When Women Speak website - https://www.wwsgn.com/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/whenwomenspeakglobalnetwork/

 Resources mentioned:

• The STARS episode - https://link.chtbl.com/STARS

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Jazz is a 31-year-old gender non-conforming, femme-identified person who uses the pronouns "they" and "theirs". They describe themselves as black, polyamorous, and pansexual with an active dating life.

The major theme of this episode is gender. Jazz talks about how genitals are not the be-all-end-all of gender. If all of the recent talk about gender as a spectrum has you confused or uncomfortable, this is the episode to listen to!

Here are some of the notable moments they shared with us:

• 3:55 – Jazz’s “attacks of pleasure” in elementary school
• 7:45 – Their first time masturbating at age 14
• 9:40 – How training as a performer left them disembodied and dissociated
• 13:50 – The emergence of Jazz’s gender non-conforming identity
• 16:10 – What non-binary means
• 19:25 – Jazz’s first boyfriend, including a lack of negotiation and advocacy for themselves
• 24:40 – Discovering vibrators and toys
• 26:10 – Discovering attraction to multiple kinds of bodies and kissing a girl for the first time
• 30:20 – Jazz’s defines what “solo-poly” means to them
• 30:48 – What is a comet partner?
• 32:00 – Trying out triad relationships
• 32:56 – How Jazz’s body shape has impacted their experience of sex—not being able to be fully themself because partners have identified them as female
• 37:00 – Being affirmed in a recent relationship and embracing their chin hair
• 41:30 – The joys of group sex

The Lowdown:

• Do you have sex during your period?
• Can you orgasm from intercourse or strap-on sex alone?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbation or partnered sex?
• Have you ever had a threesome or more?
• Have you ever had public sex?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Jazz talks about their journey to discovering non-monogamy
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Margot is a 39-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, British, bisexual and currently in an open, long-distance relationship.

She also travels widely and lives for extended periods in other parts of the world, giving her insight into different sexual cultures around the world.

Major themes in this episode include open relationships, later-in-life sexual explorations, and learning about sexuality in a culture that was not open about the subject.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 9:20 – Margot’s first experience of intercourse
• 13:15 – Exploring sex post-divorce
• 16:30 – Her relationship with her body and how it is changing with aging
• 18:03 – Navigating an open relationship
• 27:00 – The questions and communication that are required in their open relationship
• 29:00 – The boundaries and agreements Margot has with her partner to make their open relationship work
• 31:30 – Margot’s experience of body image
• 34:30 – Discovering what an orgasm feels like

Quick 5:

• 41:17 - Do you schedule sex or is it spontaneous?
• 41:42 - Do you enjoy direct clit stimulation?
• 41:54 - How do you feel when a partner loses or can’t get an erection?
• 42:14 - Do you enjoy dirty talk?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Margot shares some fascinating insights into relationship norms that she has observed in other cultures around the world
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

To join the Patreon community, visit www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

WANT TO SIGN UP FOR THE GROUP COACHING PROGRAM “5% BRAVER”? Visit www.leahcarey.com/five-percent.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Having trouble loving your body? In our culture that’s normal, no matter your shape or size.

In a special crossover episode, Leah talks with Rachael and Kelsea on the Thick Thighs Save Lives podcast about how public nudity experiences along her journey sexual awakening transformed her understanding about what kinds of bodies are lovable. She gives tips on how to feel better naked, tune into what you want, and communicate it to your partner.

Thanks to our episode sponsor:

Kindra – try Kindra at www.ourkindra.com using code goodgirls20 for 20% off your first purchase.

Full show notes: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/thick-thighs-save-lives---leah/

Bookmark moments:

• 1:05 - You can say no at any point, even when you’re in the middle of it. Leah talks about how to do this in real life.
• 6:24 - Men are socialized to feel entitled to an ending once the sex has started.
• 7:33 - Leah shares a guide she created to help find words for navigating mid-sex consent: “Take a Breath.”
• 9:16 - The “Am I Normal?” phone line (720-GOOD-SEX) goes to anonymous voicemail. Call away!
• 12:00 - The Lowdown question is answered by a variety of women.
• 19:15 - Leah answers. She opens up about problematic recurring yeast infections in her youth, and recommends against putting garlic in your hoo-haa.
• 21:49 - In the name of truth-seeking, Leah makes an unusual Sunday afternoon request of her boyfriend.

Resources mentioned:

• leahcarey.com/takeabreath - A worksheet to walk you through taking a pause in the middle of sex

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Yami opens up about a variety of common though not-commonly-talked-about subjects: sexual assault by a family member, and navigating polyamory.

Yami is a 23-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as bisexual and heteroromantic, in a relationship and exploring opening up with her partner. She describes her body shape as “a few extra pounds.”

Public service announcement: It is not your job to not be assaulted. Especially as a younger person, you shouldn’t even need to know how to not be assaulted.

Term to learn: Compersion is feeling pleasure when your partner is experiencing pleasure.

Bookmark moments:

• 4:54 - Yami remembers being about 6 years old, and exploring with another young girl.
• 7:27 - She shares her timeline of growing up in the Dominican Republic before moving to the US.
• 9:16 - She’s a little obsessed with getting her period, though there’s no sex talk at home; she discovers masturbation on her own, then loses her virginity under pressure.
• 15:30 – Yami’s second sexual experience is also non-consensual; she is raped by an older family member. She withdraws from her friends, and a long period that follows is a blur.
• 29:00 - A couple years later, she is alone in a room with a guy for the first time and is finally able to feel safe. A serious boyfriend after that is able to conquer intimate touch with her, but he is a manipulator and a cheater. She gets an STI.
• 35:57 - After lots of hard experience, her current boyfriend totally pleases her. They have loads of great sex and have been exploring swinging and play partners. They’re now open to exploring polyamorous relationships even further, on an emotional and more dedicated level.
• 42:42 - Yami talks about sexual boundaries with other parties—how they’ve navigated them in the past, and what they might look like around potential future engagements.

The Lowdown (46:41)

• Do you enjoy having your breasts played with?
• Can you orgasm from intercourse alone without additional stimulation?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating, or from sex with another person?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• How do you feel about your partner watching porn?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Yami talks more about dealing with chlamydia – getting the diagnosis, the treatment, and the after effects.
• Negotiating boundaries in new sexual situations, and how she and her boyfriend find a third person to play with (when there’s not a pandemic!)
• Extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Joy talks about taboo territory like incest porn, being HSV-2 positive, and trying out “water sports.” She has early memories of non-consensual experiences, which led to weak boundaries and a tendency towards dissociation and passivity. A hysterectomy and genital changes further changed her body and libido. She’s always enjoyed masturbation and has been unpartnered for some time; she’s ready to explore again.

Joy is a 44-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, monogamous, bisexual. She is post-menopausal and has had ovarian cancer and a full hysterectomy. She describes her body as pear-shaped and wears hearing aids.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:28 - Joy shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with a pillow between her legs and then starting a relationship with her bathtub.
• 6:09 - Joy lost her virginity at age 14; she considers herself to have given consent but she also knows she dissociated, and remembers staring at a blooming tree out the window. There were indications of earlier trauma.
• 9:56 - She talks about a girlfriend she sometimes fooled around with, and a series of physical interactions in which she was not fully present and struggled with boundaries.
• 15:58 - Joy comes out to her father as bisexual.
• 18:42 - She finally experiences pleasure with a sort of friend who offers benefits. She feels passive at the beginning, but then she starts to really enjoy the sex.
• 23:36 - The relationship ends, and she has a few hookups. Unfortunately, she contracts herpes after one exchange. She opens up about how she managed it in subsequent relationships; she has both disclosed her status, and not disclosed her status. It’s a hard conversation.
• 32:57 - Her most recent past relationship was pretty vanilla. The longer one before involved some kink exploration, including “water sports.”
• 36:23 - She has a long-distance relationship with an older man; it doesn’t end well. There hasn’t been anyone since, just frequent masturbation. She’d been content alone until listening to the podcast and starting to wonder.
• 40:35 - Joy went through ovarian cancer a few years ago and she had to have a full hysterectomy. She talks about how it has impacted her body. One of the things she experienced was genital restructuring. Her orgasms and arousal have changed.
• 52:00 - They talk about how to be more present in one’s body.

The Lowdown: Joy answers questions about sex on her period, number of partners, favorite toy, favorite position, initiating, breast play, clit stimulation vs penetration, orgasming, faking it, solo vs partnered, kinds of touch, hard red lines, dirty talk, porn, incest porn, hair vs bare, three-ways, blowjobs, swallowing, receiving oral, taste and smell, ass play, kink, dirty talk, favorite body part, least favorite body part, unmet desires, and old beliefs.

Resources:

Sensational Body Scan - https://www.leahcarey.com/downloads/sensational-body-scan/

Patreon:

All archived Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now available for FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Individual and couples coaching - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

People typically talk about an absence of sex as something gone wrong, followed by an array of advice to spice up, fix, rekindle, reboot, top down, bottoms up, laugh, cry, and eventually achieve perfect sex. But what if your life feels pretty perfect without it? 

Kristen grew up in Purity Culture, so her lack of interest in dating was a plus as a teenager. But when she became an adult and still wasn't interested in dating, it became clear that something else was going on. Kristen eventually realized that she is asexual - a person who has little to no interest in sex.

Kristen joins us to talk about her experience of asexuality, how it differs from aromanticism and demisexuality, and what she is and isn't interested in for potential future relationships.  

Kristen is a 36-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, asexual, demiromantic, and she grew up in the Baptist church. She's currently single and describes her body as chonky. 

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/romance-and-sx-arent-the-same-thing-kristen

Plan B - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt13172796

Joy Ride - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15268244

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Sex is complicated when you grow up Catholic and learn that kissing your best friend feels like heaven but will send you straight to hell. Sophia explored her feelings initially but then shut down once she got married. When the sheer physicality of menopause forced her to re-inhabit her body, she embraced a spiritual path towards sexual reawakening.

Sophia is a 56-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, lesbian, and married. After a lifetime of monogamy, she recently came out to herself as polyamorous. She grew up in the Roman Catholic church and is now a pastor in the United Church of Christ. She’s post-menopausal and describes her body as thick and creamy.

"Fall in love with your sex life" - register for one class or the entire series!
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/menopause-sophia/

It's been a tough week. With the decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health Organization, fully half of the American population has lost the ability to make health care choices for our own bodies.

We are now more regressive on reproductive health than countries like Mexico.

In this episode, we look at the grief many of us are feeling; the frustration of being a cis woman supporting our male partner's grief journey; and tactics to get help to people who need it most.

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/post-roe-america

Leah delves into a deeply personal topic: how trauma and mental health have impacted her ability to show up authentically. She talks about the impact her demanding, charismatic father had on her psyche and sense of safety. In admitting her fear of being viewed as not good enough or too much like their father, Leah discusses the creation of a performative persona and the desire to shift to a more authentic voice. 

Who Is Your Sex & Relationship Alter Ego?
www.leahcarey.com/quiz

Work with Leah:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/podcastcoaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/identity-crisis

(Part 1 of a 2-part episode) Brianna grew up in the Baptist church where she learned that sex was sinful. Today, Brianna talks about her childhood sexual explorations with other little girls, her unfortunate first relationship with a boy, and the beginning of her relationship with her husband, including their recent introduction into the world of swinging.

Brianna is a 30-year-old cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, married, monogamish, Baptist, and exploring swinging for the first time. She and her husband have two young children.

Major themes in this episode include growing up Baptist, learning about consent, discovering bisexuality, and exploring swinging.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:10 – Her first memory of sexual desire in first grade while playing “house” with a friend
• 9:10 – Identifying as heterosexual but kissing girls in high school
• 10:25 – Her first sexual experience with a boy in middle school, including heavy petting and attempting to give oral
• 13:00 – Talking with her mom about sexual activity
• 14:20 – Watching her father cheating on her mother, resulting in trust issues
• 17:00 – The True Love Waits movement, which gave extreme messaging about abstinence—causing dissociation when she pursued activity anyway
• 23:45 – Her high school boyfriend penetrated her without consent, but at the time she thought it might have been her fault
• 26:25 – Believing it was her fault, she decided she must be a slut and experienced grief over the loss of her virginity
• 27:40 – A discussion about consent, readiness, and choice
• 30:00 – How she plans to talk to her kids about sex and consent
• 34:40 – Using sex to get attention, playing the field
• 36:45 – Meeting her husband-to-be and making him wait to physically engage
• 37:40 – Childhood masturbation
• 40:25 – The introduction of swinging into the marriage
• 43:00 – Talking about what is allowable at the resort, opening up major communication about the relationship as a whole

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• The extended Lowdown Q&A for ALL supporters at ALL levels!

Learn more and become a community supporter at
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at
www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

I need a longer break than I anticipated, so in order to keep giving you new content, I’m releasing a handful of interviews in their uncut form.

Donya started getting sexual attention very young because her body developed early. As a teenager and adult, she has experienced a wide range of relationship styles and partners. After having a child and settling into the closest thing to commitment outside of marriage, she received a breast cancer diagnosis.

Donya is a 46-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and in a committed relationship.

Bookmark moments: 

• 4:48 - Donya shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, finding a book of erotica at age 9 or 10 and feeling aroused in a new way—both physically and mentally, at the same time.
• 7:58 - Sex was not discussed in the home; her parents divorced and her mother remarried a closed-off man. She finds her mom’s secret copy of “The Joy of Sex” at some point.
• 14:40 - Donya talks about being both busty and a dancer and receiving sexual attention from an early teen age. It’s an early experience of power and pleasure—especially at youth group. Dry humping becomes a favorite activity.
• 24:51 - Sex itself is fairly disappointing early on; Donya learns to exercise the power dynamic between using the appeal she has to get attention and wanting to go slow to actually find pleasure.
• 29:00 - Donya finally experiences a lover who is devoted to her pleasure. As part of the Society for Creative Anachronism, she tries to navigate the community’s culture of non-monogamy.
• 37:23 - Donya talks about the end of her primary poly relationship: yes, you can be poly and still cheat.
• 39:19 - Donya shares how she came out as bisexual and began to experiment, up to the point of marrying a “Santa Cruz lesbian” and seeing the inside of man-bashing culture.
• 50:19 - Donya catches us up on her current long-term monogamous male partner, with whom she has a child. They’ve been together 8 years and have a fully committed life; at first neither want to mess with marriage again, but it’s now on the table.
• 58:04 - Childbearing (and specifically vaginal birth) impacts her sexuality. So does being a mother to a young child, and the parenting style choices they make.
• 1:05:28 - Donya experiences a series of illnesses, and is diagnosed with breast cancer. She and her partner go through periods of separation. They’ve gotten therapy and are currently together.
• 1:08:22 - She talks about the details of her breast cancer journey. She feels like her body let her down, and fears bad sex in forced menopause.

The Lowdown (1:13:52)

Patreon:

All Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Caitlin returns for a follow-up coaching session with her partner, Chris. They check in with Leah about their BDSM explorations, dom/sub dynamics, communication in and out of play sessions, aftercare, safe words, bruising, pleasure, and sourcing and trying new ideas.

Bookmark moments:

• 4:20 - Caitlin and Chris catch Leah up on the new-to-them BDSM they’ve been exploring and what they’d like support with.
• 7:31 - Caitlin is clear that sub is her turf.
• 8:38 - They get into specifics with impact tools, paddles, riding crop, switch, etc. Chris explains how he manages and escalates the impact using a 1-10 scale and timing set to playdate playlist.
• 12:55 - Leah talks about safe-wording to help Caitlin really get into sub space and also to give Chris reassurance. The line rests in the hands of the sub. Leah also talks about non-verbal safe cues.
• 17:55 - Chris shares his progress since the start of their sexual partnership.
• 20:29 - PJ Parties for Grownups!
• 23:13 - Pleasure dynamics for the dom, and physically dominating vs verbally dominating. Chris has an easier time with one over the other and is naturally a giver, so Leah helps him find new some avenues and techniques.
• 27:07 - Making a restaurant-style command or activity menu ahead of time can help. Leah shares a few tips.
• 30:53 - Navigating voyeurism/exhibitionism, consent, and safe places to engage.
• 36:21 - The Yes/No/Maybe list is great for finding and knowing your hard red lines. It’s also a good idea to revisit the list periodically. Leah shares other resources and talks about BDSM tasting events.
• 41:31 - Chris talks about finding and pushing the limits as a dom while still being careful not to hurt her.
• 43:50 - Each play session is separate and discrete; always check in fresh.
• 44:56 - Is pushing BDSM limits healthy? If you’re having consensual fun, carry on.
• 48:26 - Here’s how to work with Leah.

Resources mentioned: 

• Three Minute Game
• Yes / No / Maybe list
• Literotica

Join me on Patreon:

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

This week's episode is delayed due to another project I'm working on. But there's some really important information in this quick feed drop, so please don't skip it.

The emergency alert test will be happening in the United States on Wednesday, Oct. 4 at approximately 2:20 pm Eastern Time.

Article about how domestic violence victims can protect themselves during next week's emergency alert test: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/how-hidden-device-users-can-protect-themselves-ahead-of-national-emergency-alert-test/ar-AA1h5MCj

Forbidden Fantasies Unleashed: https://www.leahcarey.com/fantasies

Apply for a free coaching session on the podcast: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/guest

Did you know when you say “I feel fat” it's actually code for something much deeper?

In a special crossover episode, Leah talks with Kate and Haje on the Human Awareness podcast about body image and how many of us feel our personal worth is defined by how our body looks; how we think once we deal with body image issues they should be done and never recur; and how she learned to overcome numbness related to sexual touch.

Episode sponsors:

Dipsea Stories – go to www.dipseastories.com/goodgirls to get a 30-day FREE trial!

Kindra – try out Kindra at www.ourkindra.com using code goodgirls20 for 20% off your first purchase.

Full show notes: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/fat-is-not-a-feeling-hai/

Jane is a 36-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, monogamous and with a partner of three years.

Jane went to Catholic School while she was growing up in Scotland and in her family she learned that certain topics should never be discussed – including sex.

Major themes in this episode include difficulty in communicating about sex, body image and sex, and exploring BDSM.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 9:00 – The meager sex ed classes Jane received in Catholic school
• 14:00 – How Jane found access to contraception
• 15:30 – Jane’s relationship to her body and how it has changed over time
• 21:30 – Jane’s personal “Dementors” and how they impact every aspect of her life
• 25:00 – Jane’s struggles with communicating with partners about body image issues
• 30:00 – Difficulty communicating about sex and her desires
• 32:00 – Jane and her partner’s explorations into kinkier sex and BDSM
• 34:00 – Navigating communication around BDSM activities, including Leah’s Yes / No / Maybe checklist that’s available for download at www.leahcarey.com/checklist

The Quick 5:

• 37:52 – Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• 38:33 – What’s the kinkiest thing you enjoy?
• 39:14 – Do you squirt?
• 40:05 – How do you feel when your partner can’t get – or loses – an erection?
• 41:00 – Do you tend to orgasm quickly or take a long time?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Jane talks about feeling undereducated when she began experimenting with BDSM and how her relationship with BDSM activities changed as her feelings for her partner grew and deepened.
• At the $7/month level, it’s 18 minutes of Q&A!
• And, as always, at the $10/month level, you’ll get all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything.

To join the Patreon community, visit www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

You can download the Yes / No / Maybe checklist at: www.leahcarey.com/checklist

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Leah shares a coaching session with client Caitlin to give us an in-depth experience of what coaching looks and feels like. Caitlin is divorced and currently in a friends-with-benefits heterosexual relationship. She and Leah had discussed fantasies and BDSM in previous private sessions; here they focus on Caitlin’s new (or perhaps not new?) sexual attraction to women, and how she might begin to explore that in real life.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:15 - Leah explains what coaching does—and doesn’t—involve. She introduces Caitlin, the coach-ee!
• 4:44 - Caitlin catches Leah up on a big realization she’s had since their last coaching sessions: she’s sexually curious about women too.
• 10:21 - Leah helps Caitlin hone in on whether her attraction to women is a leftover effect of our hyper-sexualized-female-form-loving culture, or a deeper sexual attraction.
• 14:40 - The conversation turns to fantasies; they’re a great way to safely explore new thoughts and desires. Erotica is another.
• 16:51 - What “pansexual” means.
• 19:31 - Dating women can feel new to women. Leah assures Caitlin that the rules are basically the same: “Don’t be an asshole.” Also, exploring sex with a new-to-you gender can feel like a second puberty.
• 23:34 - When navigating COVID risks with dating apps, be clear up front about your risk tolerance and boundaries.
• 26:55 - There are some sensitivities to know about for women who are new to dating women. Leah talks about bi vs lesbian. Also, there’s a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction.
• 33:40 - Threesomes can be a fun way to try sex with a woman, if approached with sensitivity. Leah recommends more resources.
• 36:39 - They talk about how to find someone who wants to explore with you on the dating apps.
• 40:30 - Leah talks more about what coaching looks and feels like, in solo and group options.

Resources mentioned:

• Erotica collections – I recommend the collections edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel
• Literotica – A site featuring erotica submitted by primarily amateur writers. I love it because no matter what your interest or fetish is, someone is writing about it here.  Because it’s all amateur, though, you may have to wade through a bunch of stories that are terribly written before you hit on one that tickles your fancy!  Start by searching the tags for topics that interest you - https://tags.literotica.com (be aware that this site does show ads from porn sites so it is NSFW, but the pictures are generally not X-rated)

Join me on Patreon:

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Jessica is one of so many women who have been told, “You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 50 pounds…”

During her teenage years, she allowed that to define her perception of herself.  Then, at the end of high school, she discovered that there were cute clothes that fit her body and she could show off her curves and get attention. And that’s just the beginning of the story!

Jessica is a 38-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and married to a man.  She grew up in the United States, has one child, and calls her body curvy and plus size.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:35 – Jessica’s first memory of sexual pleasure is from the bathtub
• 7:00 - She discovers masturbation around age 10, and checks out a book on sexuality from the library.
• 9:30 – Jessica’s school lacked any helpful sex education — they only discussed physical secondary sex characteristics and periods.
• 12:05 - Experimenting with kissing boys but not having boyfriends early on, she developed physically ahead of her classmates and noticed the differences
• 14:30 - She loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows in an unremarkable and vaguely humiliating way
• 15:30 - After losing her virginity, she avoids dating/interaction for a year
• 19:03 - Her attraction to women and her first dating relationship with a woman
• 20:10 - Being told by her own father to lose weight, being bribed to lose weight, and dressing in baggy men’s clothes to hide her body. Eventually, she finds clothes in her size and begins to show her curves
• 22:00 - Using sex to gain attention from men
• 24:30 - Meeting her husband and how he was different from other men she’d dated
• 26:33 - The power she felt when she was able to seduce men while being promiscuous in her 20’s, and how it may have been a response to the powerlessness she felt when she lost her virginity. It was emotionally unfulfilling but she felt good about her body and her sexual power.
• 31:00 - A non-consensual experience during a BDSM scene, and later realizing it was rape
• 34:00 – Leah talks does some myth-busting around dom/sub (BDSM) relationships and assault.
• 37:30 – Jessica’s sexual relationship with her husband, how she is the more experienced partner and has taught him how to please her

The Lowdown (42:15)

• What do you consider to be the kinkiest thing you enjoy?
• Is there something you fantasize about but have never asked for in real life?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Available FOR ALL - How to talk to her husband about making sex last longer without hurting his feelings
• $7/month - Extended Lowdown Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

This week we put aside the regular episode to feature the stories and voices of women and non-binary folx of color.

The first half of the show calls back to clips from previous Good Girls Talk About Sex interviews:

• 2:01 – Jazz from the episode “Vibrators changed my life”
• 7:12 – Tenisha from the episode “I had to get drunk to have sex”
• 9:59 – Shana from the episode “It was never: I’m ready, let’s do this”
• 12:58 – Maya from the episode “The worse I felt, the more sex I had”
• 15:49 – Michelle from the episode “A throbbing in my nether regions”

The second half of the show features excerpts from podcasts created and hosted by women of color that I think you may enjoy:

• 24:36 – “A Consequence of Being The Strong One” from Courage Hackers with Nesha Frazier
• 26:28 – “When Brands Are Silent, We Stop Supporting” from Brown Girl Self-Care with Bre Mitchell
• 29:55 – Podcast trailer from So-Called Oreos with Kia, Janae, Rachel and Amari
• 32:15 – Introductory episode from The Way Thru with Raven Delana

Other recommendations are:

• The Sexually Liberated Woman with Ev’Yan Whitney
• Dear White Women with Sara and Misasha

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

“Deaf U” star Alexa Paulay-Simmons gets candid about who she is (and always has been) as a sexual person, and how that’s shaped her life—both on the inside through her choices and experiences, and on the outside with the tight-knit Deaf community and the show’s global audience.

Alexa is a 24-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, with a sporty body. She was featured in the Netflix series “Deaf U”. At the time of this broadcast, she is dating fellow Deaf U cast member Braxton.

BOOKMARK MOMENTS:

• Alexa shares her first memory of sexual pleasure and asking her mom questions at age 6 or 7.
• Alexa finally has good sex—with someone she can give instructions to.
• She talks about how it can be awkward to use your hands for dual purposes—talking and pleasing—during sex.
• Daddy issues: Alexa struggles with game-playing, distancing herself, and a lack of communication with her sexual partners. With self-awareness, she chose to develop healthier habits.
• Leah and Alexa discuss the conversation on Deaf U around the unintended pregnancy, and consent (especially around ejaculating inside a woman). Alexa talks about power imbalances and ignored communication in the relationship, and how his wants began to supersede her needs.
• Alexa’s current relationship is full of communication and thereby trust.
• She shares how the Deaf community has responded to (and judged) her openness about sex.
• Her father is less than thrilled.
• Vaginismus is discussed; lubricant is your friend. (If it still hurts even with lube, it’s a good idea to get it checked out.)

THE LOWDOWN:

• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• What are your hard red lines, things that you won’t do?
• What belief did you have about sex as a child that you wish you could go back and correct her on now?
• Are there any other things that you’d like to clear up, anything else you’d like to say about how you were portrayed in the show?

Don’t forget – as of July 2020 ALL audio extras are FREE at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex!

I've done this because there are people who need this material but don't have the financial means to access it behind a paywall.

But there are many costs associated with producing this show, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Our American Sign Language interpreter for this episode is Courtney Farbman.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco
Special thanks - Liz Zirk

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

After having a baby, a mom is left feeling alone in the process of re-learning her body. Leah explains why it’s more than okay to seek support, and how that can generate its own kind of healing.

Bookmark moments:

• 1:31 - A listener gave birth 3 years ago, and is still struggling with her altered body. She asks if she’s supposed to deal with it on her own, or if she can ask per partner for support.
• 2:06 - Leah shares her own struggle with body image, starting at a young age, and how hearing healing words from others is what finally broke through her negative internal messaging.
• 5:06 - Our culture harmfully socializes us to believe that radical independence in all areas is not only possible, but the goal.
• 6:35 - Sometimes our partners hold keys to our healing. Leah shows the listener how to start the conversation.
• 11:43 – Podcast recommendation:
  • A Mind Full of Everything with Agrita - Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by thoughts on a regular basis? Agrita explores the deep thoughts that leave her questioning why certain things are how they are, and the questions she’s eager to find answers to – from global issues like climate change to self-improvement and everything in between.
  • The elephant episode - https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/mind-full-of/beautifulplanet-lessons-from-nhKBeA-t1PV/
  • Website - https://mindfullofeverything.home.blog
  • Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mindfullofeverything_pod/
  • Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mindfullofeverything
  • Twitter - https://twitter.com/mindfull_agrita
  • Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/mindfullofeverything/_created/

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

While a stutter may seem like an impediment to clear communication, Mia says it helped her identify a perfect partner. She talks about how an early experience of being "the other woman" continues to affect her feelings about relationships. Then, she and Leah discuss how to navigate changing bodies, waning attraction, and mismatched libidos.

Mia is a 29-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, and engaged to be married. She grew up in a non-practicing Jewish home and she describes her figure as tall and busty.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/the-other-woman-mia

In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Elizabeth, a cis-gendered white woman in a monogamous heterosexual relationship who is approaching 40.

Elizabeth has an active sex life with her male partner, which includes pegging. While that is something that might be considered relatively common in some circles, for others it is out on the fringes of “normal” sexual activity. Elizabeth opens up about how they got into it, why she loves it, and why it’s scary to admit to when living in a small, conservative town.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 7:18 – Her teenage “practice partner” who helped her learn about hand jobs, blow jobs and more
• 11:38 – What her ex-husband said to her when she expressed sexual desires
• 18:23 – Why she feels self-conscious during oral sex as a plus-size woman
• 23:10 – Why anal sex is something she thinks can bring the genders together
• 31:06 – Why wearing a strap-on penis doesn’t make her feel any less like a cis-gendered woman

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

• Online erotica – Literotica
• The Feeldoe sex toy – Feeldoe
• Online shopping – Amazon’s sexual health and wellness section

This interview went on for a full half hour more than we could fit into an episode. If you’d like to hear the full, unedited version, become a community supporter at Patreon.

I’ve started a YouTube channel and I’d love for you to join me there! I’ll be telling my own stories of moving from sexual dysfunction to sexual healing in short bites (videos will usually be between 3 and 6 minutes long.) Watch the “Good Girls Talk About Sex” video series at @IAmLeahCarey.

Want to be on the show? Come to www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Mel had plenty of boyfriends but had trouble being faithful. She has chosen ethical non-monogamy as a way of meeting her variety of relational and physical attractions and needs.

Mel is a 55-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as very petite, polyamorous, and post-menopausal.

Public Service Announcement:

If you think monogamy is the vanilla prison for which there is no safe word, or find yourself cheating yet again to get your needs met, it may be time to think outside the box. Relationships—both romantic and play—can accommodate a variety of numbers, shapes, and parameters. For anything from regular group sex to family game night households, consider polyamory.

Bookmark moments:

• 3:03 - Mel’s first memory of sexual pleasure is of rubbing against her pillow at age 7 when sent to her room for a “nap.”
• 8:55 - She started having sex at 14 with a boyfriend and had a great first experience.
• 12:31 - Mel talks about her first lesbian encounter with an older mystery rich woman.
• 14:13 - She describes how she is attracted to and attaches to women differently.
• 17:37 - Mel opens up about an abortion at 18. She got pregnant with a Swedish foreign exchange student.
• 19:02 - Mel tells “the story” from college, about the time she wrote a song for a disastrous first date with the future author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
• 22:18 - She talks about how her height (very petite) has affected her body image and confidence, the pressure to be thin growing up in the south, and about her shape fluctuations after motherhood.
• 28:35 - During grad school Mel was in a “friendly” relationship with good-but-boring sex and accidentally became a mother.
• 29:22 - She opens up about the fact that she has cheated in every past relationship, and what drove her. She talks about exploring the relationship model of ethical non-monogamy.
• 31:35 - Mel explains that she loses part of herself when she’s only with one person because she over-adjusts to the dedicated partnership.
• 37:35 - She talks about her current “triad” with a man and woman and two separate relationships with men.
• 45:32 - Menopause has been non-catastrophic for Mel!

Resources mentioned:

• TV Show - “Big Mouth” on Netflix
• Book – The Ethical Slut
• Book – Sex At Dawn

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Mel talks about how she responded to her parent’s divorce and to being anally raped
• The extended Q&A

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah shares the health issues she's been dealing with, and why they have brought up extensive flashbacks to her mother's cancer journey. 

Then we revisit a conversation with Lisa, first broadcast in December 2019.

Lisa is a 40-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, currently in a relationship that is heterosexual, monogamous, and long-distance. She has also long been attracted to women and is considering the likelihood that she is bisexual.

"Fall in love with your sex life" - register for one class or the entire series!
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/sex-while-married-lisa

It's been a year! In this final episode of 2019, we revisit some of our most popular conversations so far.

We've got excerpts from the Q&A portions from episodes featuring Danielle, Betsy, Jessi, and Michelle. Much of this material ended up on the cutting room floor the first time around, so it’s all-new content for regular listeners (Patreon supporters got a sneak peek at these extended conversations when they first came out!)

Information about the 5% BRAVER group coaching process can be found at www.leahcarey.com/brave.

If you’ve got room in your 2020 budget and would like to support female-positive, sex-positive, judgment-free conversations that help us all to shed shame and SAY ALL THE THINGS, I invite you to join the community of supporters at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. For as little as $1/month, you can help make this podcast financially-viable long into the future.

The full episodes for these four conversations can be found:

Danielle - Bad self-esteem but a great body

Betsy - When we started to explore kink

Jessi - Exploring queer sex

Michelle - A throbbing in my nether regions

Danielle's podcast: Marriage & Martinis

Jessi Kneeland's Instagram account

Michelle's favorite sex toy, Tracy's Dog, here.

Leah's favorite toy to use on a penis, the Tenga Egg, here.

Join me on Instagram and YouTube

Is it true that sex will become less fun - or even painful 😬 - after menopause? Is there any way to stop the changes that happen to our bodies as we get older?

Today I have a special guest: MY OWN health care provider! She's passionate about women's health and I trust her completely.

My favorite part of this episode: Maya's theory on why women have so few fucks to give as they get into their 40s and 50s (hint: it has to do with their hormone levels).

You can find Maya at www.mayastrom.com.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/maya-strom

Candi lives with Muscular Dystrophy. She shares how it progressed and how it changed her physical capabilities over her lifetime, and what it’s like to date and to have sex with a visible disability. She also opens up about loving rough sex and BDSM, despite what others might perceive as fragility.

Candi is a 27-year-old, cisgender woman. She describes herself as heterosexual, monogamous, single, tall, and thin. 

This is revisiting an episode that was first broadcast in November 2020.

Fall in love with your sex life in 2023 - register for "Tune In To Your Turn Ons"
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes (plus audio extras): 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/choking-hair-pulling-candi

What do you call a virgin who loves getting head? A comedian!

Kyndra Crump takes a deep dive into heteroflexibility and gets some re-education about why losing your virginity doesn’t have to hurt—especially if you already like the rest of the stuff. She also learns about swingers-club protocols when she opens up about her exhibitionist desires.

Kyndra is a 25-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as Black, monogamous with a curiosity about polyamory, single, and heteroflexible (she says she’s about 70% into men and 30% into women). She grew up in an evangelical Christian home and she describes her body as an hourglass or a Coke bottle.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/throat-not-virgin-kyndra

A variety of women answer whether or not they enjoy giving oral sex; host Leah goes more in-depth about her own personal experiences and preferences, and about how to engage in, negotiate, and enjoy the act. Then, the discussion turns to navigating a polyamorous relationship for someone new to the practice.

Extra Bits:

PSA—Beware of performative standards (what you see in porn), and always feel free to negotiate the specifics of a sex act according to what is both comfortable and pleasurable for you—like, if you have a sensitive gag reflex, or don’t want ejaculate in your mouth. And on the flip side, positive feedback is important!

Bookmark moments:

• 3:45 - Leah shares how her recent move with her partner into a two-bedroom apartment gives them the option to sleep solo, and why this is a good thing for the relationship and not a sign of deprivation or trouble.
• 5:41 - “Do you enjoy giving oral sex?” – the women answer.
• 12:51 - Leah answers: “I’m a bit agnostic about genitals.”
• 14:27 - Leah talks about her refusal to swallow ejaculate, and how she and her partner innovated around it.
• 17:01 - Her current partner communicates what he wants and likes, and guides her with positive feedback to hone in on what feels best that also feels good to her to provide.
• 18:05 - Leah discusses the myth of the home field advantage in oral sex.
• 21:17 - Am I Normal? – “Am I crazy to believe I might be ok with her sleeping with other people?”
• 22:14 – Leah answers: Is it possible for a mixed monogamous/polyamorous relationship to work?
• 28:09 – New podcast recommendation:

Sistory Untold - join hosts Marva and Sabrina as they explore history through the eyes of sisterhood

Website - https://www.sistoryuntold.com/

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/sistoryuntold/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/sistoryuntold/

Twitter - https://twitter.com/SistoryUntold

Resources mentioned:

• Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Inez is a 32-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, married with children, and monogamous.

Inez is dealing with chronic illness and is in a currently sexless marriage.

Topics covered in this interview include: recovering personal pleasure after abuse/trauma, body image, chronic illness and its impact on sexual activity, and how a partner's mental health diagnosis impacts the relationship.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 5:40 - How it felt as an adult to tell her father about childhood sexual abuse
• 8:50 - The culture difference around sex between the Midwest of the United States vs. the west coast
• 12:33 - Discovering she was pregnant while on drugs
• 18:00 - How weight fluctuations affect her experience of sexuality
• 29:50 - How a partner having short stamina can be desirable for a survivor of sexual abuse
• 31:30 - How her partner violated consent and led to her feeling unsafe and cutting off sexual contact
• 39:05 - The Quick 5

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Inez talks about the difficult relationship she had with her mother and stepfather and the effect that has on how she parents her own children.
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus 20-plus Q&A questions in 10 minutes.
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Shasta is a 45-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Canadian First Nation/Cree, heterosexual, monogamous, and married to her husband who she has been with for 20 years.

Major themes in this episode include

• balance of power in heterosexual relationships,
• bedroom boredom in a long-term relationship, and
• working to heal childhood issues as an adult

You can find Shasta online at www.ShastaTownsend.com. Her book, Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother’s Didn’t Know About the Birds and the Bees, is available at Amazon.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:30 – Her first memory of sexual pleasure, masturbating at age 4
• 8:00 – The challenge of overcoming staleness in the marriage bed
• 9:30 – Rediscovering masturbation as an adult
• 10:30 – Encountering shame and childhood trauma when her husband requested new sexual explorations
• 12:45 – What she learned as a child about being a “good girl”
• 15:00 – The messages we hear about being a smart and outspoken female
• 17:00 – Using sexual dominance as a protective measure, sexual prowess as power over men
• 21:00 – The cultural balance in wanting men to pursue women and ask for things vs. men being perceived as aggressive/entitled
• 25:00 – Shasta’s experience with body image—being the “smart one” but also flaunting/accentuating what you have
• 32:00 – Trying new things with her husband to break barriers around shame and stories

The Lowdown (34:40):

• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What is something sexual you’ve done that you never want to do again?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Have you ever had a threesome or more?
• Have you ever had public sex?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Shasta talks more about her First Nation/Indigenous background and what it was like to grow up as a mixed race child in Canada. She also talks about the messages she heard about being a “good girl.”
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

In this coaching episode, Maria asks the age old question: why is it so hard to ask for what I want?! She's convinced that her problem is in poor communication skills, but it doesn't take long to discover that the issue lies in a complete different area.

Leah works with Maria to:

• understand how gender dynamics are creating friction in the "what do you want?" conversation,
• rethink how her definition of "sex" makes asking so difficult,
• practice the way she'd like to initiate a conversation about sex with potential partners.

Maria is a 27-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, bisexual and single. She describes her body as athletic.

Leah offers valuable insights and tools to help Maria and all listeners to reconsider talking about their desires.

BEYOND PERMISSION workshop:
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/slow-down-maria

You don’t worry about having a bathtub masturbation addiction. Leah answers a listener’s questions about whether she has a porn addiction, and why she can’t orgasm with her husband. She talks about identifying the function of porn, not taking on shame, and navigating a relationship agreement around it.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:12 - “Am I normal?” A listener calls in with two inter-related questions: is it normal to be unable to orgasm through intercourse with my husband, and is it normal that I only can with porn?
• 4:11 - Leah responds to the listener. Difficulty orgasming during is a thing that many women experience. There can be physical or mental causes.
• 6:17 - How do you identify techniques that deliver pleasure if you don’t know what you want or what is possible?
• 8:17 - Leah calls back to a recent share about being shamed by our partner. This creates an experience of break in trust.
• 9:28 - Is there *actually* such a thing as porn addiction? We do a fact check.
• 10:50 - Check in with how porn functions in your relationship. Is it what you need to physiologically relax?
• 12:16 - Make a relationship agreement that supports you on how to navigate it—without being responsible for your partner or making yourself small.
• 15:48- PJ Parties for Grownups!

Podcast recommendation:

• Title – Decide Balance
• Host – Yvonne Hernández
• Apple Podcasts description - A space where anyone of any age can decide balance in their day at anytime with a 5 minute guided bilingual (English & Spanish) meditation.
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/DecideBalance
• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/DecideBalance

Join me on Patreon:

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at Apple Podcasts

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Michelle is a 42-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as black and married. She is currently sorting through whether she is gay or bisexual, and in the process she and her wife have opened up what was previously a monogamous marriage.

Major themes in this episode include discovering (and re-discovering) sexual orientation, mismatched libido in a marriage, infidelity and honesty within a marriage, and discovering physical desire in her 40s.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:35 – Michelle’s first-grade crush on her female teacher
• 10:00 – Michelle’s experience of inappropriate touch at 7 years old
• 11:00 – Michelle’s first kiss in college
• 13:00 – The power dynamic of giving blowjobs
• 14:30 – The cultural taboo of black men giving oral sex to women
• 16:00 – Michelle’s first experience of receiving oral sex and intercourse
• 18:18 – Michelle’s first experience with a woman
• 22:30 – Discomfort with sexual fluids
• 26:50 – Coming out to her friends as gay – and their reaction
• 33:00 – Mismatched libidos lead her wife to seek sex outside the marriage
• 35:50 – Michelle feels stirrings of raw passion with a man
• 41:05 – Michelle’s identity crisis over attraction to a male and potentially losing her identity as a strong lesbian
• 45:50 – Finally having an honest conversation with her wife – the impact and the aftermath

The Lowdown:

Because this episode ran so long, this week’s entire Q&A is available to everyone FOR FREE at Patreon!

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• FREE – The extended Q&A
• At the $1/month level, Michelle and I talk about how strong she was to get help as a young child, and how she doesn’t see herself that way
• At the $5/month level, Michelle considers whether her early attraction to men was authentic or manufactured so she could feel “normal”
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Some people swear by Dear Abby, others swear at Dear Abby. Today we look at some of Dear Abby's terrible advice.

PLUS: Stay until the end to hear an important announcement about the podcast going on hiatus so Leah can take a well-deserved rest.

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support Leah's work:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full episode show notes:
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/go-to-bed-angry 

In this coaching episode, Lisa talks about learning to stay present when she's having pleasure.  Currently her mind wanders during sex to making grocery lists or worrying that what she's doing is wrong.

Leah works with Lisa to:

• understand what's underneath her brain's tendency to wander,
• reframe her judgments about sex workers, and
• recognize the effects of early childhood parentification.

Lisa is a 44-year-old cisgender woman who lives in Italy. She describes herself as white, heterosexual, single & having fun, and exploring different relationship styles because she's not sure she believes in monogamy anymore. She had a Catholic upbringing and is finally exploring pleasure for the first time in her life. She describes her body as average and athletic.

Leah offers valuable insights and tools to help Lisa and all listeners to navigate the challenges of staying present during sex.

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/tantra-lisa

Stephanie shares how childhood shame about feeling good in her body led to an eating disorder. She talks about how the eating disorder affected her ability to relate with sexual partners, including her now-husband. Healing the eating disorder has allowed her to begin relating in a new way with her body and her husband.

Bookmark moments:

2:37 - Stephanie shares her first memory of sexual play at age 5 or 6, accidentally discovering that rubbing her genitals felt good. The adults around her shamed her, leading her to believe masturbation was a terrible secret.

8:20 - Shame compounds to feeling that her vagina is broken.

11:45 - Stephanie describes a “good girl” upbringing, and being behind her peers in sexual experimentation.

14:55 - An eating disorder manifests in her life.

19:57 - What trauma, even/especially when we don’t label it as such, can look like.

24:31 - Stephanie hits a rock bottom with her eating disorder in college, and rebounds into a new willingness to try sex finally.

28:53 - She meets her husband, who makes her feel safe enough to begin to be present in her body during sex. She experiences her first real pleasure.

35:55 - Stephanie elaborates the myriad ways her eating disorder impacts their sexual relationship.

44:19 - PJ Parties for Grownups!

47:06 - While the sex is great in her marriage, Stephanie questions the kissing, and she and Leah go on a deep-dive about embodiment.

The Lowdown (54:08)

Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

This week at Patreon we have an extra THIRTY MINUTES of conversation with Stephanie!

She talks about how food stood in as a replacement for physical touch earlier in her life, and how having kids has changed her relationship with her body and her sexuality.  And also how having kids pushed her to address her eating disorder in a new way.  And, of course, there’s the extended Lowdown Q&A.

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Tee is unhappily married, and unhappy with her sex life—like so many people. Also like too many, she experiences the lingering impacts of sexual assault. She’s doing the work of setting boundaries, trying to provide a good example for her kids, and is still hoping someday she’ll find a communicative and loving partner.

Bookmark moments: 

• 3:33 - Tee shares her first memory of sexual pleasure around age 16, having an electrifying first kiss with an annoying boy.
• 9:13 - Tee talks about growing up in a conservative Baptist congregation, then opens up about seeing her parents’ marital difficulties and the lingering impacts that has had on her relationships even to present day.
• 12:22- She is aware of the impact of spousal/parental yelling on her own kids.
• 12:45 - Tee is a masturbation late-bloomer. She felt behind her peers growing up, in all sexual matters.
• 15:05 - She loses her virginity and discovered that too much size matters.
• 17:33 - Her next lover takes his time and explains things.
• 18:50 - Tee talks about body image, being a tall woman.
• 25:13 PJ Parties for Grownups!
• 30:40 - A month after she gets engaged, Tee discovers she is pregnant. She miscarries at 5 months. The relationship doesn’t survive.
• 35:31 - She bumps into a childhood friend.
• 37:23 - Tee delves into the downturn in their sexual relationship. He tells her she is sexually immature. A quantity vs quality discussion ensues.
• 40:34 - A birthday dinner for her husband leads to sex gone awry and a lot of resentment. Communication was never good and has since broken down. He is ill and she stays out of obligation.
• 46:08 - Tee is contemplating a different future, for herself and her children.
• 49:42 - Men wanting to engage in three-ways with her and another woman makes her uncomfortable. Do all men want that?

The Patreon extras for this episode are: 

This week at Patreon we’ve got the full extended Lowdown Q&A with Tee.

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

I donate 10% of all Patreon income to ARC-Southeast, an organization that provides financial and logistical support to people seeking reproductive health services in Southeastern United States where safe and even life-saving services are being legislated out of existence.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Voluptuous Leah is a plus-size model and Instagram influencer. At the time this episode is released, she has over 166,000 followers and she regularly posts photos of herself, her adorable dog Luna, cute plus-size fashion, and plus-size lingerie. You can find her on Instagram at Voluptuous Leah and her website at www.VoluptuousLeah.com

Voluptuous Leah is a 31-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, plus-size, and in a new relationship while going through a divorce from her previous husband.

The major theme in this episode is sex as a plus-sized women.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:40 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure
• 9:00 – How she broke her ankle because she was looking at a boy that she had a crush with
• 12:15 - Her relationship with her ex-husband and how he fetishized her larger body
• 14:45 – Her new relationship and how he interacts with her and her body

The Lowdown – (15:20):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• Do you think it’s generally easy or challenging for you to orgasm?
• Have you ever faked an orgasm?
• What’s your favorite way to orgasm during sex?
• Do you need to make accommodations for sex in a larger body?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
• Can you orgasm from penetration alone without clit stimulation?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What are your hard red lines?
• Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
• How do you feel about your partner masturbating without you in the room?
• How do you feel about your partner watching porn?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Have you ever had a threesome?
• Do you enjoy giving blow jobs?
• Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
• Do you ever worry about your smell or taste?
• How do you feel about ass play?
• Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
• Do you enjoy laughter during sexual encounters?
• Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
• What’s your favorite part of your body?
• What’s your least favorite part of your body?
• What is something about your current sex life that isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like it to be?
• What beliefs did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?

More links from this episode:

• Curvy Girl Sex book
• SheBop for sex toys - coupon code HUNKERDOWN (15% off online orders through at least March 31, 2020
• Sunny Megatron’s live stream about how to connect with partners and do sexy things when you're self-isolating due to the virus - bit.ly/sunnygetvokl

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

The most important move for a great sexual experience: having the talk.

STARS is an easy-to-remember acronym for conversations that lead to awesome consensual sex.

In this episode, Samara and Caleb have the STARS talk. They've been in a relationship for 10 months of serious dating, ready to move in together, and already having good sex. Even so, they uncover several things that surprise them and will help them up-level their sex life.

Samara is a 29-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, monogamous, partnered with Caleb, and she describes her body as athletic and curvy. Caleb is a 29-year-old cisgender male who describes himself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, partnered with Samara, and he describes his body as athletic.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/samara-and-caleb

Welcome to a between-the-seasons mini episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

Reema Zaman is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Bangladeshi, heterosexual, monogamous, and single. Because her father was a diplomat, Reema lived in many countries during her growing-up years. She came to the United States by herself at age 18 with a dream of being an actress.  She released the book I Am Yours in February 2019. It is the story of reclaiming her voice after years of trauma and abuse.

I spoke with Reema ahead of the release of her book, but for technical reasons we weren’t able to release the full interview as part of the regular season. But I’ve been able to pull together some portions of the interview to share with you today.

Here's the info on entering the contest to receive one of my favorite sex toys:

• Go to Apple Podcasts and leave a review and rating of Good Girls Talk About Sex.
• Take a screen shot of your review, and email it to me at Leah@GoodGirlsTalkAboutSex.com with the subject “Contest entry”
• In your email, specify if you’d prefer a sex toy for a person with a vagina or a person with a penis
• If you have previously left a review, send a screenshot of that review and I’ll include you in the drawing.
• Generic reviews saying things like “Great podcast” won’t be eligible for the drawing
• For extra chances to win, send me a screenshot of a social media post telling your friends why you love the Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast. You’ll get up to three extra entries for a post each on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
• Send your screenshots by May 2, 2019. I will do the drawing on May 3 and notify the winner.
• Due to the complexity of laws about shipping sex toys to various countries, this contest is only available to those with shipping addresses inside the United States and Canada. But I will send a special digital thank you to EVERYONE from outside the US and Canada who posts a review and sends me a screenshot by May 2.

To watch my YouTube series, go to www.youtube.com/IAmLeahCarey.

To support the podcast, become part of the community at Patreon by visiting www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

Season two of Good Girls Talk About Sex will begin at the end of May!

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Leah Carey

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Togetherness is an HBO show that explores the challenges of maintaining a healthy and active sex life in a long-term relationship with small children. In today's episode, Danielle Silverstein from the popular Marriage and Martinis podcast joins Leah to discuss the first two episodes of the show. They dive into the complexities of sexual fulfillment, gender roles, expectations and resentments. Join us for a deep, thought-provoking, and insightful conversation about challenges of maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship.

BEYOND PERMISSION workshop (use code "beyond20" for $20 off your registration):
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/slow-down-maria

Forbidden Fantasies Unleashed:
https://www.leahcarey.com/fantasies

Last year I found myself in the middle of a shitstorm for daring to expose a community leader's abusive behavior. Today I tell the whole story.

The backlash was immediate and intense, with DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) tactics used to paint me as the problem. Suddenly, I was not just standing as a representative of this man’s abuse, but also receiving harassment and ostracization from those I once considered my community. Sharing this story isn't just about telling you what’s going on; it's about shining a light on the dark corners of abuse and systemic failure. It's a call to action for change, support, and understanding for those who have had their voices silenced.

ALSO: I clarify my pricing structure for coaching and how I serve people with financial challenges.

BEYOND PERMISSION classes:
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/consent-darvo

Jessica's world was turned upside down when her husband died suddenly and she uncovered evidence of his endless lies and a second life that she'd known nothing about.

Had she been blind to the red flags her husband was waving? Or did she know more than she allowed herself to admit?

In this special (mid-hiatus!) episode, Leah talks with Jessica Waite whose book "The Widow's Guide To Dead Bastards" is available today from Atria. 

They focus on a pivotal chapter from the book, exploring the questions that still linger for Jessica: What did she know? What was she intentionally blind to? And what could she have noticed if she had known what to look for?

In this coaching/storytelling episode, Debbie talks about having the best sex of her life at age 63. Her question: Is that usual?

While Debbie has always been multi-orgasmic, now she's having dozens of orgasms in a single sex session. And the connection with her new husband is a big part of the reason.

Debbie is a 63 year old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, married. She describes her body as slender and athletic.

And don't forget: the BEYOND PERMISSION workshop starts next week! Use coupon code "beyond20" to join us!

BEYOND PERMISSION workshop (use code "beyond20" for $20 off your registration):
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/debbie-best-sex

When Caitlin left her marriage, she found herself exploring sex as a single woman and discovering new interests. Through coaching with Leah, she admitted to herself that she might be interested in queer sex. This led to a realization that everything she thought was true about herself shattered, similar to a glass shelf breaking. She is finding freedom in exploring her desires and leaving behind what no longer serves her.

In this coaching conversation, Caitlin and Leah talk about how she can dip her toe into queer dating.

Coaching with Leah:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching/

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/crushes-and-confessions/

Karin talks about living with cerebral palsy and how she shows up in her own life and on Instagram. Early in her life, she struggled with hating her body, and had to work to get to place where she could see her body as worthy of experiencing pleasure. She had a brief storybook romance with a young man who also had CP. She is frank about planning, logistics, and how things like choice and vulnerability show up differently for her than for able-bodied people.

Karin is a 30-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, queer, monogamous, and dating. She has cerebral palsy and a mental health disability, and has previously had an eating disorder.  She describes her body as fat.

You can find Karin on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/khitselberger and at her website at https://www.claimingcrip.com.

Bookmark moments:

4:55 - Karin starts sharing by speaking to the hard parts: being fetishized, or “something to try,” rather than a sexual whole person.

5:40 - Karin has her first experience with sexual pleasure in her 20’s when she starts dating. They Skype about disability justice and he tells her how pretty she is. It’s beautiful and has a lasting impact, but is also brief and ends tragically.

10:34 - Karin has cerebral palsy; she didn’t explore her own body sexually while growing up. She became Christian in college; her takeaway is that Jesus would love people where they’re at, and this gives her hope and space for a relationship.

13:45 - Karin talks about where agency and choice reside for her, and about the level of trust required for intimacy. 

15:20 - She circles back to the story of her first kiss.

24:15 - After losing her first boyfriend, Karin opens the door to her attraction to women.

27:00 - Karin shares that being disabled means talking about intimate logistics ahead of time, and that this can be fun.

32:02 - Karin also dealt with an eating disorder and mental health issues. She struggled early in life with hating her body, and she has worked hard to reach a place of acceptance and neutrality. A significant source of healing has been seeing her body sexually at all.

38:58 - She talks about how intimacy worked in her relationship, and that cultural conditioning to not advocate for her desires was compounded by her lack of knowing what she desires.

47:13 - Karin is currently exploring new desires around kink. She’s also learned to apply consent to co-handling of her body in everyday life.

52:00 - She shares a story of getting her boyfriend to look up fetish porn for her PhD dissertation, and the differences between American-Puritan and European perspectives.

55:20 - Karin hopes to marry and have children someday. She is talking to a potential romantic partner.

1:02:22 - Leah explains sexual surrogacy.

Resources:

Karin’s website – https://www.claimingcrip.com

Karin on IG - https://www.instagram.com/khitselberger

To hear more about sexual surrogacy, listen to our episode with Jocelyn - https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/episode/i-struggled-with-guilt-when-i-became-a-mother-jocelyn/

Patreon:

Creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Growing up in a conservative church, some kids don't even know being gay is an option. Add that to an ill-kept family secret, and Olivia became scared to orgasm as an adult. She shares how she went from Googling “naked bodies” to discovering assault survivor resources, and why she’s now exploring polyamorous dating.

Olivia is a 24-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as mixed race with both African and Middle Eastern heritage, and she’s gay with an asterisk. She grew up in an evangelical Christian home. She is currently dating and exploring non-monogamy. She describes her figure as an 'hourglass with extra minutes.'

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/kissing-a-vagina-olivia

In a special crossover episode, Leah talks with Jessi Kneeland on the This Is Not About Your Body podcast about how body image and sexuality intersect; body image in partnership; advocating for your own needs; and much more.

Fall in love with your sex life in 2023 - register for "Tune In To Your Turn Ons": www.leahcarey.com/classes 

Support the show: www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Coaching with Leah: www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Jessi Kneeland, body image coach: www.jessikneeland.com 

This Is Not About Your Body podcast: www.listennotes.com/podcasts/this-is-not-about-your-body-jessi-kneeland-s6mpfJiAIYn 

Full show notes: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/not-about-your-body/

Sarah is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, married, monogamous, and pansexual. She clarified however that while she has experienced attractions to people of all genders, her sexual experiences have been limited to cis-gender males.

Through her teens and early 20s, Sarah dated MUCH older men. She reflects back on those experiences, sorting through the ramifications of her partner choices, including the pressures she felt and how the power differentials in those relationships worked. She is now married to a man her own age and in the second half of the show we talk extensively about the physical difficulties she has with sex and how she and her husband work around them.

Major themes in this episode include the stigma, power dynamics, and secrets involved in dating much older men; physical challenges with sex and difficulty with orgasm; and expanding the definition of what counts as sex.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:00 – Sarah’s first memory of sexual pleasure around age 8
• 8:30 – Sarah’s first relationship with a moderately older partner
• 12:00 – Not knowing how to behave when receiving pleasure
• 13:50 – Sarah’s first relationship with a significantly order partner
• 17:30 – Sarah considers power dynamics and coercion in relationship with an older man
• 18:55 – When a partner removes a condom without permission it is sexual assault
• 27:00 – Sarah’s first orgasm at age 25—through more communication, focus on her pleasure, comfort level
• 33:00 - Navigating sexual interaction when orgasm isn’t going to happen
• 36:30 – The physical challenges Sarah contends with including carpal tunnel, autoimmune disorders, and vaginal dryness
• 39:30 – Experimenting with lubricants and dilators
• 41:00 – An important PSA about lubrication!

The Lowdown (45:20):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What is your definition of sex?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbation or sex with another person?
• Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
• Do you every worry about how you taste or smell?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Sarah talks more about her relationships with older men
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.  Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect.

Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average."

How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.

Bookmark moments:

• 4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
• 11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.
• 17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.
• 24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.
• 34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.
• 38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.
• 41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
• 45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
• 53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
• 54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.
• 1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy?  Is it possible that it could be some combination of both? 
• Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

 PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at www.leahcarey.com/PJparty

 FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Dr. Evelin Dacker, a cis-gender half-Mexican, half-Jewish polyamorous woman who is 53 years old.

Evelin is a sex-positive physician in Eugene, Oregon and the CEO of Sex Positive Portland, an organization dedicated to understanding and exploring all aspects of human sexuality. She is also the creator of the STARS Talk, a format for talking about your sexuality and preferences so that we can ALL have more satisfying sexual encounters with both current and new partners.

• 3:30 – Evelin’s history with masturbation from the time she was a baby
• 5:45 – Judy Blume’s books as sex education
• 6:45 – How the ability to self-pleasure replaced a desire for sex as a teenager
• 7:45 – Learning compersion
• 8:38 – Distinguishing between open relationships and cheating
• 9:34 – The relationship Evelin defines as “primary”
• 11:46 – Meeting her spouse on a beach in Thailand
• 12:42 – What is NRE? (Hint: New Relationship Energy)
• 13:49 – The mismatches in the relationship with her spouse
• 14:28 – The effects of being married to an alcoholic
• 15:08 – How the story of their meeting kept her marriage together
• 15:45 – The terrible side effects Evelin experienced with birth control pills
• 17:45 – The distinction between moving sexual energy and sensual energy while having sex
• 19:08 – Yucking her yum
• 20:20 – The answer Evelin knew but didn’t want to know: she didn’t feel safe
• 22:40 – The discovery that saved Evelin’s soul: Roller Derby
• 24:37 - The re-emergence of Evelin’s bisexuality
• 27:30 – Sober vs. dry drunk
• 28:07 – Getting turned on by seeing someone flirting with her spouse
• 29:01 – Becoming an-orgasmic and looking forward to menopause
• 29:50 – Opening the relationship
• 31:25 – Meeting a soulmate that supported Evelin through deep sexual healing
• 34:06 – The end of her marriage
• 35:30 – Taking oral sex class – four times!
• 36:10 – Discovering polyamory
• 37:15 – The evolution of the relationship with her spouse now that they are no longer married
• 38:20 – The Quick Five

In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:

• Evelin’s TEDx Talk - Seeing STARS: A stimulating safer sex talk
• Book – Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel
• Movie – Henry and June
• Television series – Portrait of a Marriage
• Retailer and education center – She Bop is a women-owned sex toy boutique in Portland, Oregon

You can find Evelin online at www.EvelinDacker.com.

Instead of a Patreon episode this week, we’ve got a full bonus episode where Evelin explains the STARS conversation and then you can hear me demonstrate it with a friend. If you like what you hear on this podcast, please consider becoming a community member at Patreon.

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Davina Bookbinder is a 33-year-old, transgender woman who describes herself as white, Jewish, queer, polyamorous and actively dating.

Major themes in this episode include being transgender, discovering and navigating gender identity, and sex as a trans woman.

This episode is extra long because there's just SOOOO much great material! 

Davina is a good friend and she and I have had long conversations about gender in general and her gender in particular.  It is because she and I have developed a foundation of trust that I'm able to ask questions that we wouldn't normally ask.  PLEASE KNOW that many of the questions I ask in this interview are NOT questions that are appropriate to ask a trans person in regular conversation.  But that's true of all the conversations on this show, right?!?  I ask deeply personal questions that you would never think to ask someone at a dinner party.  The problem for trans people is that there is such curiosity around their bodies and their genitals that people end up believing they're allowed to ask those questions at the dinner party.

So consider this your opportunity to listen in on the questions you WISH you could ask - yes, we talk about having sex as a trans person and how it works.  Yes, we talk about the current state of her genitals and how she likes them to be interacted with.  And yes, we talk about the intersection of mental health and being transgender.

Many, many thanks to Davina for showing up and being willing to have this conversation.  I love you, girl!

You can find Davina at www.therebelliousjewess.com and on Instagram at @therebelliousjewess. Davina is also the Programming Director for Sex Positive Portland.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 4:30 – Davina’s early sexual experiences with both genders
• 7:50 – The difference she felt between physical pleasure with boys, emotional connection with girls
• 12:20 – Davina’s early experience with porn
• 14:40 – How gender norms impacted Davina’s recognition of being trans
• 18:20 – Davina’s feelings about being in male settings
• 20:40 – The nail polish blow up
• 24:50 – Discovering her gender identity and getting divorced
• 26:30 – Diving into therapy around gender identity
• 34:50 – Gender and the brain
• 36:45 – Davina talks about having top surgery
• 40:10 – Waiting for bottom surgery
• 42:30 – Her body in gender transition and how it has affected her sexuality and orgasm
• 46:00 – Terminology for genitalia in transition, function, sexual pleasure
• 55:20 – Going through multiple puberties
• 56:45 – The positive impact of transition in every area of Davina’s life

The Quick 5:

• 50:17 - Do you have sex during a partner’s period?
• 50:28 - Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
• 52:57 - What kind of touch do you enjoy the most?
• 53:37 - Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
• 54:25 - How often do you masturbate?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• AVAILABLE TO EVERYONE – Davina talks about dysphoria and about the intersection of the transgender community and mental health issues
• At the $1/month level, Davina talks about gender norms and her desire for things that are considered feminine when she was a child
• At the $5/month level, Davina discusses the ins and outs of gender confirmation surgery (also known as top and bottom surgery)
• At the $7/month level, all that PLUS the extended Q&A!
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

To become a Patreon supporter, visit www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Davina is also the Programming Director for Sex Positive Portland.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Jade opens up about the tension and difficulties in her past marriage, and the sexual dynamics of subtle pressure and coercion she experienced in the marriage and in her earlier dating. Maturity and emotional safety are at the core of her current partnership and it revolutionizes her sex life. She’s now in love with her girl parts!

Jade is a 51-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as bisexual, monogamous, in a relationship, and the mother of 2 children who are still at home.  She has had 2 miscarriages and still gets her period.  She describes her body as slender.

Countering Culture: Jade shares that although she knew her husband (at the time) never would have actually forced her into sex, she felt the pressure to satisfy his needs because she—along with most of the rest of us—grew up immersed in a culture that frames it as a “wifely duty” and bases a woman’s value (and therefore social safety) on being a “good” wife.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:36 - Jade’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 10, having a sexual fantasy in a swim club sauna.
• 5:36 - Her first memory of masturbating is at age 13 while reading Clan of the Cave Bear (ironically given to her by her father), and then mounting her giant teddy bear.
• 10:21 - She meets her first boyfriend in high school; he’s a few years older. She assumes that love leads to marriage leads to sex, but she knows from her Catholic upbringing she’s not supposed to have sex out of wedlock. She and a friend find a bible and search through until they find what they interpret as permission.
• 15:09 – She experiences her first intense, magical state of turn-on with her second boyfriend.
• 17:07 - Jade shares how the relationship with her first college boyfriend leads her into subtle but uncomfortable sexual dynamics.
• 22:33 - Her first marriage hits tension early on. The birth of their first child adds both joy and more difficulty; her husband feels sexually frustrated, and she feels pressured.
• 27:52 - After ongoing and increased tension after their second child, she makes the decision to separate. They work on their issues and re-unite, but the relationship is still “messy.”
• 36:11 - Six months after leaving the marriage, much to her surprise, Jade starts having sexual feelings again. She re-enters the dating world and discovers some unmet emotional needs with her first post-divorce lover. After dating a few men, she meets her current partner and experiences a whole new level of sexuality.

The Lowdown (42:46)

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Are you generally more active or more passive during lovemaking?
• What’s your favorite part of your body?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Jade talks about her adventures in non-monogamy
• Jade talks about what she learned in her childhood home about sex – including why her mother got married to her father
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Receiving oral sex isn’t just about a tongue on a clit – it’s about all the emotional and mental conversation happening at the same time.

Bookmark moments:

• 6:13 - The women answer “Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?”
• 10:21 - Leah answers. She opens up about the relationship dynamics in which her first experience of receiving oral took place, and how that impacted subsequent relationships.
• 14:10 - Leah suggests a new technique to her second partner, which works, but he doesn’t stick to it.
• 16:10 - She shares how she’s working on staying present with the physical sensation when her current partner goes down, and tracing the history of her hindered state of responsiveness to oral sex back to that first partner.
• 20:24 - Am I Normal? A powerful, independent woman is confused by her desire to be dominated in the bedroom.
• 23:23 - Leah talks through common fantasies and the reasons why domination can feel so refreshing.
• 25:20 - Masochism is discussed.
• 27:00 - Podcast recommendation

Extra Bits

PSA: Hey. Not everybody likes pizza, either.

Podcast recommendation:

• Biracial Unicorns with Dani and Dameca
• “Let’s Talk About Sex-ualization” episode - https://biracialunicorns.pinecast.co/episode/31f5a12674034660/let-s-talk-about-sex-ualization
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/biracialunicorns/
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/biracialunicorns/
• Twitter - https://twitter.com/Biracialmagic

 Resources mentioned:

• FREE DOWNLOAD - How to propose a new sexual adventure to your lover, leahcarey.com/newadventure.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah asks the women’s she’s interviewed about their relationship status with their pubic hair. Then she shares her own story of growing up with a combination of a genetically inherited bountiful mound and a learned lady-like horror of the same.

EXTRA BITS:

What we learned: Once again we learned that the range *is* the norm. Women go from no hair at all, to all the hair there is. Even for one person, it varies by day, week, month, or major life event.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:00 – Chorus of voices answering the question “Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
• 11:30 - Leah answers, including seeing her mother’s body naked with full pubic hair, and witnessing her mother’s embarrassment and swimsuit discretions.
• 12:50 - In her teens, Leah discovers she’s grown her own big bush.
• 14:00 - Leah’s first boyfriend asks her to go bare. Then later, another one demands it.
• 17:32 - A boyfriend leaves it up to her, and it’s a blissful new world of comfort and self-determination.
• 20:10 – New podcast recommendation – Queersplaining by Callie Wright
• 26:12 – Info on PJ Parties!
• 28:08 – “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if it’s normal to hate giving blow jobs.
• 28:30 – Leah discusses why some people dislike giving blow jobs, why that’s okay, and a couple of options for hating it less if you choose to go forward.

Podcast recommendation:

Queersplaining by Callie Wright - http://www.queersplaining.com

Don’t forget to shave episode - http://www.queersplaining.com/2020/04/30/dont-forget-shave/

Slaying Dragons episode - https://www.queersplaining.com/2020/02/27/slaying-dragons/

Find Callie on Twitter at @queersplaining and @calliegetsit

Resources mentioned:

• Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)
• STARS episode – https://link.chtbl.com/STARS

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Jessi Kneeland is a 32-year old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, bisexual, single, and monogamish.

Jessi gets up-close and VERY personal about her recent explorations into sex with women. This is Jessi’s second appearance on the show and she is the body image coach who has supported me through my own sexual exploration over the past few years. You can find her online at www.JessiKneeland.com and on Instagram @JessiKneeland.

You can find her writing on queer sex HERE.

You can find my season 1 conversation with Jessi HERE.

The major theme of this episode is Jessi’s detailing her first serious explorations into queer sex and partnering with women.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 5:12 – Realizing that not everyone is attracted to all types of people and bodies
• 6:26 – What does hetero-romantic mean?
• 11:20 – How she dresses and presents herself determines the people who are attracted to her
• 15:00 – How people socialized as female communicate and respond differently than people socialized as male
• 20:30 – Why it can be challenging as a female to “hit on” other females, especially given the work that Jessi does
• 29:00 – Jessi’s hot night with a beautiful woman in Portugal

Quick five:

• 40:53 – Do you have sex during your period?
• 41:17 – Have you ever had a sexual urge that confused you?
• 42:41 – How often do you masturbate?
• 43:46 – How do you feel hearing other people have sex?
• 44:04 – What activity is most likely to bring you to orgasm?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $1/month – A detailed conversation about how Jessi discovered her g-spot, learned how to stimulate it, and has now learned about squirting. This is a not-to-be-missed conversation, which is why I am making it available for EVERY patron.
• $5/month – Jessi and I talk about how people respond when we call ourselves bisexual, how we signal gender and sexuality through our appearance, and also dive into the ever-thorny question of … how do you define sex?
• $7/month – 30 minutes of Q&A! (Note – this includes the conversation about the g-spot and squirting from above, so there’s no need to listen to both)
• $10/month – All of the above plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!
• During season 2, 10% of all Patreon donations I receive will go to ARC Southeast, an organization that provides financial and logistical support to people seeking reproductive health services in southeastern US states where safe, and even life-saving, services are being legislated out of existence.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

What kind of touch do you enjoy? Have you thought about the ways, and places? Touch is a many-splendored thing.

PSA: If you don’t know what kind of touch you like, there’s nothing wrong with you—but you have some (really great) homework to do.

Bookmark moments:

• 3:13 - A chorus of voices answer the question “What is your favorite kind of touch?”.
• 14:23 - Leah answers. She first discovered what kind of touch she likes while drifting during a high school class.
• 16:31 - Podcast recommendation - As part of introducing this week’s featured podcast, Leah opens up about the emotional abuse she experienced from her father growing up, and how that shaped her later interest in people who leave cults.
• 19:18 - Leah talks about undoing her own brainwashing.

Podcast recommendation:

• “Two Sisters and a Cult” with Jada Smith and Alesia Galati
• Jada and Alesia are sister cult survivors. They discuss all things historical and present-day cults, while relating the topics to the cult they grew up in.
• Find them online at www.twosisterscult.com
• Listen at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-sisters-and-a-cult/id1503417365
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/twosisterscult/
• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/twosisterscult

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Sex is hard enough to figure out without also having to wrangle with your gender. Stevie was raised as a little girl, but that never quite fit. They've covered a lot of ground to find clarity. They’re now happily married, while still exploring what they actually like in their body and who they want to be in their relationship.

Stevie is 37 years old and identifies as non-binary or gender queer. They describe themselves as white, gay, monogamous, and married. Stevie grew up in Scotland and describes their body as athletic and pear-shaped.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/double-ended-dildo-stevie

STARS is an easy-to-remember acronym for conversations that lead to awesome consensual sex.

Dr. Evelin Dacker developed the STARS method to create a way for potential and current partners to have a thorough and safe conversation about physical and relationship expectations.

Public Service Announcement: Sometimes discovery is the mother of tension. Intimate play can be easier and much more fun if you go in knowing what each other likes, or doesn’t.

Bookmark moments:

2:39 - What is the STARS conversation? Plus, if you’ve had it before, you should have it again.

6:36 - Dr. Evelin Dacker explains sex positivity.

9:03 - As she engaged in health research earlier in her career, she realized there’s a total lack of sex talk in the field.

12:11 - Leah shares an experience she had at her first small group portion of a STARS class. When asked to share what her turn-ons and avoids were, she burst into tears and couldn’t speak.

14:12 – Dr. Dacker breaks down each letter in STARS, and what those categories encompass. For example, dealing with shame and stigma are a part of the STI portion of the talk.

16:21 - Avoids are often boundaries related to trauma and fear; they may not be forever fixed. Also, don’t wait to talk about them until you’re heavy in the bedroom and unable to clearly hear your partner!

24:15 - Leah demonstrates a full STARS talk with her friend Ray.

Mentioned in this episode:

• havetimeforthetalk.com – The online home for the STARS talk

Join me on Patreon:

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

“The story of our pandemic sex life: it has not been pretty.” Host Leah gets raw and real about how her intimate life has weathered the storm of a year-long international crisis, and about how confronting her partner’s depression spiral turned out to be a better strategy—for both of them—than enduring it competently.

Bookmark moments: 

• 1:05 - We have transcripts! Plus: part of why that is awesome is our upcoming interview with a deaf guest!
• 4:55 - Leah opens up about her own sex life during the pandemic.
• 6:44 - Built into our society, and therefore our healthcare models, is the idea that men shouldn’t ask for help. It’s not an excuse, but it has had real consequences for Leah and her partner.
• 10:03 - Here comes the sex (or, doesn’t).
• 13:13 - As her partner’s depression and drinking worsens, Leah has the profound realization that her management via being strong and setting boundaries has the side effect of buffering (and thereby supporting) a damaging dynamic.
• 14:00 - He hears some brutal truth; hearing requires Leah saying it, of course. He gets help.
• 16:15 - While sex has been slow to re-enter the relationship, there have been benefits to the work they’ve done.
• 18:23 - PJ parties for grown-ups!
• 20:39 - Featuring the “Heaving Bosoms” podcast.

Podcast recommendation:

• Title – Heaving Bosoms
• Hosts – Erin and Melody
• Description - Best friends and romance lovers, Erin and Melody, recap romance novels from a comedic, open-hearted feminist, sex-positive perspective! Giggling, tangents, and sincere joy abound! We take ourselves VERY seriously.
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heavingbosoms

Join me on Patreon:

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Diana is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, married and monogamous.

Diana had a traumatic birth with her older son, which led to a disconnection from her body and her pleasure. She was able to have a vaginal birth with her younger child, which helped reconnect her with her body and sexuality.

Major themes in this episode include sexuality after trauma from childbirth and reclaiming your body after motherhood.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 10:30 – Diana’s first sexual experience
• 13:30 – Masturbation as an important component of self care
• 14:45 – Diana’s belief that everybody masturbates and how she’s handling it with her young sons
• 18:30 – Diana’s experience with consent in a long-term relationship
• 19:45 – The messages she heard about sex growing up in a conservative Christian home
• 21:45 – Diana’s relationship with her body and the impact of the male gaze
• 24:00 – Figuring out her body and how it works after each pregnancy
• 28:00 – Reclaiming bodily autonomy away from the needs of small children
• 31:30 – PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex after childbirth
• 32:40 – How birth trauma affected Diana’s experience of her body and sex
• 35:30 – How her second birth helped heal Diana’s trauma from the first birth
• 37:30 – The pain of a previous divorce leading to extra care in her current relationship

The Quick 5:

• 41:00 – What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• 41:15 – Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
• 41:25 – Have you ever had a sexual urge that confused you?
• 41:58 – How often do you masturbate?
• 42:05 – Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Diana talks about the work that she does to support other mothers who have been through traumatic birth experiences to heal.
• At the $7/month level, it’s the extended Q&A.
• And, as always, at the $10/month level, you’ll get all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything.
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

 To join the Patreon community, visit www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THE 5% BRAVER GROUP COACHING, all of the information is at www.leahcarey.com/five-percent

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Julia and her partner have agreed to a certain amount of openness in their relationship – openness that they haven’t taken advantage of yet. But their conversations on the topic – and Julia’s clear-headed consideration of the potential pitfalls – provide an amazing example for anyone who is considering opening this door with their partner. In fact, it’s so good that I think it should be required listening!

Julia is a dear friend and I love how deeply she thinks about how we can all be better to ourselves and each other.

Julia Sheldon is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, queer, and monogamish. She grew up in Canada and still lives there with her male partner. You can find her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/juliasheldon.sex.ed

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:10 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure, making out and dry humping with friends of both genders. They knew to hide the activity.
• 11:25 - Masturbating with toys and vibrators.
• 14:20 - Her first conscious sexual interaction with a boy, at a youth church event. She flirted and made out and then didn’t want to date him.
• 16:20 - She realizes that anxiety makes her not want to date the boys she was making out with.
• 19:20 – Peer pressure in college to get laid, even though she’s not ready.
• 21:20 - The first sexual relationship is with someone she knew and had a friendship with. It turned into a 2-year long distance relationship.
• 25:48 - She realized she likes women too.
• 28:00 - She discusses what “queer” means to her.
• 29:35 - She hasn’t had a sexual relationship with a woman yet but makes sure those she dates know she’s queer.
• 30:30 - She has the discussion with her partner about her desire/need to be able to sexually explore with other people of both genders that she’s interested in; establishing ground rules.
• 39:00 - Talking about what it will actually be like when play with an outside partner happens, on either end, getting needs met, and emotional processing.

The Lowdown (40:30)

• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or from sex with another person?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $1/mo – Dealing with low libido
• $5/mo – Sex education in Canada and her exposure to info about sex as a kid
• $7/mo – Extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this special bonus episode, Dr. Evelin Dacker explains the STARS method she created. It’s an easy-to-remember acronym that will help you begin conversations leading to great, consensual sex.

But I don’t want you to just get the theory behind the conversation, I want you to hear it in practice! So I invited my friend Ray to join me for a sample STARS conversation that you’ll get to hear about halfway through this episode. 

• 1:26 – What is sex positivity?
• 4:00 – The lack of conversation about sex in the medical profession
• 5:00 – An overview of what the letters in STARS stand for
• 6:50 – Leah’s experience with STARS

Breaking down the STARS conversation:

• 9:07 – STI Status
• 10:32 – Turn Ons
• 11:13 – Avoids
• 12:18 – Relationship intentions
• 13:55 – Safer sex practices

A sample STARS conversation:

• 16:48 – Introducing Ray
• 17:51– STI Status
• 20:35 – Turn Ons and avoids
• 27:56 – Relationship intentions (for the sake of clarity – this conversation was taped last summer, prior to entering a monogamous relationship with my current partner who you have heard me references in episodes that were taped more recently)
• 31:16 – Safer sex practices

You can find much more about the STARS method at www.maketimeforthetalk.com. You can find Dr. Evelin Dacker at www.EvelinDacker.com.

Whether it’s secretly watching our parents’ porn or uninformative Sex Ed, most of us get inadequate information about sex.

Liz learned to pleasure herself early on, then followed her instincts about who to kiss and when to have sex for the first time. The same inner compass led her to leave two marriages and advocate for her libido.

Liz is a 44-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, pansexual (with a strong heterosexual lean), probably monogamous, and mid-divorce. She has one child and is post-hysterectomy. She said hormonally she’s probably perimenopausal, and her body is very curvy.

Topics we cover:

• Sex with a full bladder
• Bisexual dating during high school
• Abusive marriages
• Porn use vs porn addiction
• Decreased libido
• Aromantic

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Dipsea Stories – go to www.dipseastories.com/goodgirls to get a 30-day FREE trial!

Planned Parenthood Direct – download the app to get convenient and affordable birth control delivered to your door: http://www.ppdirect.app/api/safelink?name=inf_leahcarey_1121
To sign up for notification when it’s available in your state, go to: www.plannedparenthooddirect.org

It's the season one finale of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

When I began this podcast, I had the typical fears - primarily, I wasn't sure it was any good! I've been overwhelmed and humbled and so grateful for the responses I've gotten back from you, dear friends. I've had feedback from people telling me deep, personal stories about changes they've made and things they've learned as a result of this podcast. Nothing could make me happier!

Thanks to every one of you who has reached out to me publicly or privately. I am so grateful to know that you're out there and listening. It's what makes me excited to be working on SEASON TWO as we speak, because I know it's valuable to you.

My goal in doing this podcast is to help all of us - myself included! - understand that whatever we enjoy is okay.

To that end, on each regular episode I ask the guest a series of rapid fire Q&A for The Quick Five. Not all of those answers have been broadcast. This episode is a compilation of those answers.

I hope what you'll take away from this is that every one of the answers is okay. However you do YOU and YOUR BODY is exactly perfect for YOU.

At the end, I'll share my takeaways from season one of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

Here are the questions included in this episode:

• 5:02 - Approximately how many sex partners have you had?
• 5:33 - What is your favorite sex position?
• 6:53 - What is your favorite sex toy?
• 8:21 - Do you have sex during your period?
• 10:38 - Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• 13:39 - Do you have a single orgasm or are you multi-orgasmic?
• 14:29 - What is your favorite masturbation fantasy?
• 17:40 - Do you swallow or not?
• 19:25 - How much noise do you make during sex?
• 22:45 - Do you prefer penetration or external stimulation?
• 24:53 - Do you prefer to be the giver or receiver of sexual pleasure?
• 26:10 - My reflections

I'll see you in mid-to-late May when we launch SEASON TWO of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

If you’d like to support these open, honest conversations about female sexuality, become a community supporter at Patreon.

I’ve started a YouTube channel and I’d love for you to join me there! I’m telling my own stories of moving from sexual dysfunction to sexual healing in short bites (videos will usually be between 3 and 6 minutes long.) Watch the “Good Girls Talk About Sex” video series at @IAmLeahCarey.

Want to be on the show? Come to www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Leah Carey

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Tenisha is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, heterosexual, monogamous, average body type, currently in a relationship, and Christian.

A few months ago, Tenisha interviewed me for her podcast Choose Love. During that conversation, Tenisha mentioned that she was a practicing Christian who chose a period of intentional celibacy as an adult. So of course I wanted to interview her here!

In this conversation she talks about her early conversations in internet chat rooms, needing alcohol in order to have sex, her choice to become celibate at age 23, and the relationship she’s in now.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:10 – Tenisha’s first memory of sexual experience – getting kissed by a boy on the bus and being embarrassed
• 8:00 – Tenisha signed on to AOL chatrooms at age 8, pretending to be older
• 12:00 – Her early “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” explorations
• 13:00 – The convergence of masturbation and guilt as a result of her religious upbringing
• 16:20 – Growing up in a home where Christian teachings are espoused, yet with parents who were lying and cheating
• 19:00 – Tenisha talks about witnessing domestic violence as a child
• 25:40 – The lack of sex ed at school and discovering porn online
• 29:00 – Tenisha’s traumatic first sexual experience
• 32:00 – Her history of having to get drunk in order to have sex
• 33:30 – Embracing Christianity, getting baptized and deciding to become celibate
• 38:35 – Realizing she’s ready for love again, meeting current boyfriend
• 42:00 – Tenisha’s decision to end celibacy within her current relationship
• 43:45 – Finally experiencing orgasm and sexual pleasure, while still having to deal with old trauma and issues around sex

The Lowdown (47:38):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• Can you orgasm from intercourse alone without other stimulation?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What are your hard red lines?
• Do you enjoy giving blowjobs?
• Do you swallow?
• What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Tenisha talks about her relationship with alcohol and what sex was like when she quit
• At the $5/month level, Tenisha talks about the relationship she ended after her mom’s death
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Talk about coming full circle: when your friends-with-benefits from age 12 comes back around to become your life partner and literally make your deepest taboo fantasies come true. Rachel shares how she started kissing in daycare, experimented sexually in her teens, tried marriage and polyamory, learning BDSM and psychedelically-enhanced role playing along the way.

Rachel is a 38-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, monogamish, and partnered. She describes her body as very curvy or fat, depending on the person she's talking to.

Thanks to our episode sponsor:
Dipsea Stories – go to www.dipseastories.com/goodgirls to get a FREE 30-day trial!

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/he-brought-handcuffs--blindfold-on-our-1st-date---rachel

In today's episode, we dive into topics like why confident little girls turn into quiet, ashamed middle schoolers; how Tori's family tried to buck the stereotypes of Black fathers not being around by allowing her abuser to continue living with them; the moment she had to decide whether to save her abuser or let him die; and even exploring race play.

Tori is a 46-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as Black, mostly straight, currently monogamous, and in a relationship. She grew up in the Black Baptist Church and describes her body as plus size.

You can find Tori online at toriwestonwriterartist.com, and on Instagram at @toriwestonwriterartist.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/kissed-john-travolta-tori

Shana is a 41-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as biracial (half black/half white), heterosexual, monogamous and currently in a relationship.

Major themes explored in this episode include healing from old hurts, learning about consent, and discovering our own pleasure, rather than just focusing on pleasing our partner.

Here are some of the great moments Shana shared with us:

• 3:35 – How she came to relate running late to eroticism
• 9:48 – Her first sexual experience, and how it conditioned her to not trust white men
• 18:38 – The moment Shana first had intercourse and why it was so devastating … and why she pretended it was okay
• 21:30 – Why Shana has never felt comfortable calling that experience rape
• 27:27 – The expectation that women are supposed to please their partner and not ask for anything
• 28:18 – The conversation she had with her current lover after their first time having sex
• 32:00 – How tenderness and masculinity go hand-in-hand
• 34:30 – The Quick Five

To become a community supporter, visit www.Patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, an extended conversation with Shana about how two men decided whether or not she had been raped, and how listening to other women tell their #MeToo stories has helped her
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus an extra 12 minutes of Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

When it came to exploring her sexuality, Liz took her time – while all her friends were gossiping about their boyfriends and hookups as teenagers, Liz knew she wasn’t ready to lose control. As a single woman, she now has sex occasionally while she waits to find love.

Today we revisit the very first episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex from January 2019. Liz is a 37-year-old, cisgender white woman who is single, heterosexual, and monogamous.

Fall in love with your sex life in 2023 - register for "Tune In To Your Turn Ons"
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes (plus audio extras): 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/lollipop-liz/

This week, 72-year-old Paulette gives us a window into growing up in a conservative time and culture, and how those tight-lipped and sexually discouraging tropes impacted her lifelong ability to experience pleasure.

Paulette is a cisgender female. She describes herself as mixed Black/Latinx, heterosexual, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She describes her body as "thick."

PSA: Restrictive beliefs can impact so many areas of life and pleasure. If something is confusing you and holding you back, ask, ask, ask for help.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:52 - Paulette shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, kissing a boy at around age 8 and liking it.
• 7:45 - Growing up in an African-American and West Indian family, the expectation was that girls would not bring shame to their family.
• 8:50 - She got her period at elementary school unexpectedly, and up to that point had received no education about sex or reproductive bodily functions. Even afterwards there was little detail imparted. “Keep your legs closed, your skirt down. You’re a young lady now.”
• 14:50 - Paulette opens up about her love of foreplay and less-than-love of penetration and tells about an early love experience with only kissing.
• 19:08 - She loses her virginity around age 20, though she is still very nervous to have sex because of the intense shaming around pregnancy out of wedlock.
• 21:13 - Paulette has a pregnancy and miscarriage, which she thinks may have been caused by her intense fear of the pregnancy. She has another pregnancy later with the same fears, and decides to seek an abortion. She later adopts two children.
• 26:28 - She marries at age 35, and finds herself sexually unsatisfied and unable to work on it with her husband.
• 31:25 - Paulette diverts her energy to her kids, in the face of her lack of satisfaction in the marriage.
• 33:57 - The talk turns to masturbation; Paulette has never done it, and the repressive effects have lasted her lifetime.
• 37:14 - They discuss body image and being “thick.” Paulette consciously raised her boys to have the body comfort and confidence she didn’t.
• 43:30 - Paulette shares that sometimes she gets what feel like incorporeal nighttime visits. Her husband has passed away at this point, as has her first love.

The Lowdown (47:30)

• What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?
• (Follow up) Do you ever feel like there was a possibility of a breakthrough to enjoying it, or was it just something that did not seem available to you?

The audio extras for this episode are:

• More about Paulette’s relationship with her first lover, and how it felt when they progressed from making out to penetrative sex; plus a longer look at Paulette’s marriage to her husband
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

Audio extras are available to everyone FOR FREE at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  Because this material is marked explicit, you will need to create an account to access it, but no pledge is required.  Of course, all pledges are happily accepted!

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

How do you know you’re queer if you don’t even know that’s an option? It’s hard to imagine what we can’t see.

Julia takes us through confusing early fantasies to landing that first girl-kiss to realizing what it means to love people with vaginas in all their gender presentations. Now she wants to start exploring anal play.

Julia is a 27-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, queer, monogamous, and she doesn’t have kids. She still gets a regular period and describes her body as tall and thin.

Julia has a non-binary partner, so we get to talk about how she navigates her partner’s gender dysphoria.

Bookmark topics:

• Dating a non-binary partner
• Navigating dysmorphia
• Early fantasies
• Voyeurism and exhibitionism
• Queer/pansexual identity in the bedroom
• Losing lesbian virginity
• Learning what you like
• Butt stuff—how to start exploring anal play
  The Lowdown: favorite sex toys, strap-on penetration, clit stimulation, masturbation

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Planned Parenthood Direct - download the app to get convenient and affordable birth control delivered to your door: http://www.ppdirect.app/api/safelink?name=inf_leahcarey_1121
To sign up for notification when it’s available in your state, go to: www.plannedparenthooddirect.org

Dipsea Stories - go to www.dipseastories.com/goodgirls to get a 30-day FREE trial!

Full show notes available at: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/exploring-anal-play-julia/

Debbie was formed by experiences of both pleasure and pain. She was blessed with good early relationships, but also is a survivor of the epidemic of sexual abuse in elite women’s sport. Her faith in herself helped her choose to heal.

Debbie is a 52-year-old cisgender female.  She describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, married, and post-menopausal.  She describes her body as average.

Bookmark moments:

3:40 - Debbie’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 16 with her first boyfriend, who had learned a fabulous trick with ice.

9:13 - She shares about growing up in church, conservative but with a touch-generous loving youth group.

11:18 - Debbie then opens up about a deeply traumatic experience: she was molested by her gymnastics coach. She talks about him being charged and acquitted, and about subsequently being groomed in his tutelage.

20:44 - Getting her parents to admit what happened was difficult. The lack of public condemnation was even more harmful.

25:52 - Debbie discusses two other painful sexual traumas.

35:17 - She speaks to the fact that despite the trauma, she is not broken, and she wants to assure other victims that a healthy sex life with pleasure is still possible.

42:20 - After they separate, Debbie’s husband buys a self-help workbook and actually does the work. Things become peaceful, and then they turn around in a big way.

47:16 - Debbie still deals with chronic tendonitis in her hips, which impacts sex, and she talks about being post-menopausal.

The Lowdown (50:32)

What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?

What’s your favorite sex toy?

Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

Debbie tells a story about the gorgeous Australian man she met while traveling on a train around Europe.  And also – why do men feel entitled to be dating more than one woman, but get upset when a woman is dating more than one man?  We also have an extended conversation about the way she talks to her four sons about sex, and that interaction has been colored by her own abuse history.  PLUS, the extended Lowdown Q&A!

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have questions or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
Private Facebook Group - www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

When you love being naked, feeling sexy, giving and receiving pleasure, and you're happily married, you may be…a porn star! Sinn Sage takes us into the real world of sex work, from her early days stripping at clubs and “bachelor” parties, to working as a pornstar-for-hire, through creating and selling her own custom porn in the age of SESTA-FOSTA and Pornhub.

Sinn Sage is a 39-year-old, cisgender female who says she has a little bit of gender fluidity but is still happy using she/her pronouns. She describes herself as white, queer, monogamish, and married. She describes her body as slim-thick.

You can find Sinn online at www.sinn-sage.com. 

Register for "Fall in love with your sex life – A year of sexy secrets":
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/porn-star-sinn

Leah joins Danielle of Marriage & Martinis to talk about why Danielle's conversation with her husband  about intimacy and pleasure was explosive and chaotic.

Leah breaks down what we need to remember during these very tough conversations: we’ve been conditioned differently from the time we’re very young, and are often simply adhering to the roles we’ve been instructed to fulfill. They talk about why we can’t always trust our bodies’ physical responses during intimacy, games that can be played in lieu of telling our partner, “we’re not satisfied” as means to get a similar message across, and so much more.

Join the Beyond Permission workshop at www.beyondpermission.com.

Early bird pricing through Jan. 4, 2024. Use the code "beyond20" for $20 off your registration.

Listen to the original "Awakening the sex talk demons" episode of Marriage & Martinis - https://www.marriageandmartinis.com/podcast/episode/8aa167f2/awakening-the-sex-talk-demons

BEYOND PERMISSION workshop:
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Caz is an open book with a ton of chapters: a non-binary disability advocate kink-loving trauma survivor pain/pleasure early wayfinder who left live sex shows for the dating apps. The extraordinary roads they had to navigate led them to know themselves intimately, and helped them learn to accept, manage, and finally enjoy bodily pain.

Caz is a 40-year-old, non-binary person who was assigned female at birth. They describe themselves as queer, non-monogamous and single. They’ve had a hysterectomy, so they no longer have a period but believe that hormonally they are probably peri-menopausal. They grew up in the United States and describe their body as curvy.

Caz is a disability activist, and is particularly involved in education around sexuality for people with disabilities, including kink activities.

You can find them on Instagram at www.instagram.com/cazkilljoy

Bookmark moments:

• 5:07 - Caz shares an early memory of sexual pleasure, when they caught masturbating in the living room around age 4-5. They were quickly escorted to their bedroom and the behavior was not encouraged.
• 8:37 - Caz has their first sexually partnered experience at age 13-14 which is mostly positive, but it triggers memories of early molestation. They seek therapy, learn how to navigate clitoral sensitivity, and treat numbness.
• 14:57 - Caz shares the outline of their medical issues. It started at age 21, when their legs were being held back while being fisted, causing lasting injury that spawned serious compound issues.
• 20:50 - The pleasure/pain balance leads to their interest in kink. Navigating the pain itself becomes a factor. They find themselves in an abusive relationship, and then a libido-mismatched rebound.
• 26:15 - Caz talks about learning how to orgasm while weaning off Effexor.
• 30:04 - Caz shares that the bent toward kink has been lifelong, and describes a childhood fantasy with masturbation taskmasters. They describe early kink explorations, pain/pleasure antecedents in self-harm, and using that as an emotional management strategy.
• 37:15 - They transition into BDSM as an avenue of positive personal control. Self-education starts in an alcove at Border’s Books.
• 48:06 - Caz talks about early same-sex interactions; some of them were non-consensual. The first consensual one was in their early 20’s. They knew something was “off” about their gender and felt most comfortable in drag.
• 55:40 - Caz opens up about non-binary dating, and what life and sex look like today. They have a long-term friend with benefits with whom they became pandemic partners and have recently returned to the apps.
• 1:04:45 - Caz talks about accessibility and kink spaces.

The Lowdown: Caz answers rapid-fire questions about period sex while, number of partners, race, toys, positions, re-naming reverse cowgirl, initiating sex, being active vs passive, clit stimulation vs penetration, physical therapy, breast/chest play, orgasming from penetration vs masturbating, preferred kind of touch, hard red lines, forced orgasm edging, porn use, making porn, live sex shows, Onlyfans, hair vs bare, group sex, giving oral sex, swallowing, receiving oral, smell and taste, ass play, kink limits, dirty talk, laughter, confusing sexual urges, favorite body parts, least favorite, getting more oral, and advice to one’s former self.

Patreon:

All archived Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now available for FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at RateThisPodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Individual and couples coaching - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Jillian offers us a glimpse into a story that I am intimately familiar with. It’s the story of having huge blank spots in your memory along with an aversion to sex. There’s nothing specific to grab on to so you can say, “This is what happened,” but it’s obvious that something happened.

I usually sit back and let the guests tell their story, but in this instance, Jillian is actively searching for answers and for healing. So in this episode, you’ll hear us doing a bit of exploration and coaching. I offer her a couple of exercises. If her story mirrors your own, you may want to try these exercises as well. Or send me an email and I’ll be happy to offer you some other resources.

Jillian says in this interview that she wanted to share her story so that anyone else out there going through something similar will know that they’re not alone. And I echo that. If you listen to this podcast because you have difficulty with sex and are looking for a way forward, you are not alone. You are welcome here. And I will be happy to talk with you whenever you are ready.

Jillian is a 49-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous and married.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:25 - Jillian is unable to remember her first experience of sexual pleasure and still doesn’t feel pleasure.
• 7:50 – When a boy in kindergarten touched her
• 9:10 – Jillian has memory gaps, though she has narrowed it down to ages 5-8 where “something” happened that caused her fear of and aversion to sexual touch
• 11:20 - She starts therapy at the request of her husband after an intense outburst of seemingly displaced trauma response.
• 12:20 - She tries hypnosis to access memory. She also asks her mother for information about her childhood and is shut down.
• 16:45 - She meets her future husband to whom she is attracted and despite/because of fear/aversion moves very quickly into sex.
• 17:40 - Leah talks about impact of being sexualized at a young age, affecting one’s ability to determine readiness and how it should fit into a relationship.
• 20:00 - She talks about the emotional energy it takes to not only fake enjoying sex, but to fake feeling happy or content.
• 21:20 - Her husband intuits she’s acting like everything is ok when it’s not.
• 22:40 - Where her mind goes during sex—fantasy, and sometimes about not being treated well. Or just being anxious to get the sex act over with while thinking she owes him pleasure, doing it for his sake. (**Follow up of how BDSM and ravishment play can be therapeutic.)
• 30:12 - Pregnancy and childbirth bring up new fears and aversions, particularly around breastfeeding.
• 31:45 - She finds faith and prayer to be a better and more effective tack at present than therapy for resolving trauma and pain.
• 33:15 - She still does not enjoy sex but can participate without revulsion about once a month.
• 36:40 - Leah leads a conversation/coaching about how to focus on intimate touch that is enjoyable but without genital touch and penetration.
• 40:10 - She’s just now trying masturbation and self-exploration to see if she can experience pleasure, using an external vibrator.
• 42:25 - Leah coaches how to bring the vibrator into the partnered sexual experience.

Resources mentioned:

• My favorite internal/external vibrator - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MRYF9TD/
• Slim/beginner vibrator (please note – I have not used this particular vibrator, so this is not a recommendation, but rather an example) - https://www.amazon.com/SlimCharger-Rechargeable-Slender-Moving-Bullet
• My favorite lube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Ok69EI-ks

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Jillian’s abortion and subsequent breakup with her first boyfriend
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Danielle is a 41-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, Jewish, heteroflexible, married and monogamous.

Danielle and her husband Adam host the podcast Marriage and Martinis, where they explore every hilarious, heartfelt, shocking, embarrassing, and completely inappropriate facet of marriage and parenting.

Major themes in this episode include how OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) affected Danielle’s early experience of sex, how we allow our assumptions of what other people think affect our actions and decisions, and how sex changes after marriage and kids.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 4:16 – Making out with boys in 7th grade for a sense of belonging rather than pleasure
• 8:20 – Danielle’s experience with a type of OCD called scrupulosity
• 12:50 – The cultural pressure to lose our virginity
• 16:00 – The mismatch between Danielle’s body image and how her body actually looked
• 21:30 – Does the number of partners we have equal the amount of sexual “experience” we have?
• 24:00 – How Danielle’s sexual relationship with her husband changed after having kids
• 31:15 – A sexual experience Danielle would love to have, but doesn’t think her relationship could handle it

The Quick Five

• 32:54 – Do you have sex during your period?
• 33:22 – How often do you have sex?
• 34:19 – Do you schedule sex or is it spontaneous?
• 36:20 – How do you feel when your partner can’t get or keep an erection during sex? (This leads to an extended conversation about how we handle it when one partner lasts longer than the other, including a clip from Leah's appearance on Marriage and Martinis.)
• 40:34 – Do you orgasm from intercourse?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $5/month: an extended conversation about body image and how it affects her relationship with her husband
• $7/month: that conversation plus 20+ questions in 18 minutes of Q&A
• $10/month level: all that plus the monthly Ask Me Anything!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Tenga Egg – a GREAT toy to use on a partner with a penis!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you! 

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Laina is a 33-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as Chinese, heterosexual, married, and monogamous.

Laina has one child and struggles with body image. She believes that nobody would want to have sex with her, and that her husband only does it because she’s his only option.

Major themes in this episode include body image, libido, and changes in sexuality after giving birth.

Here are some of the great moments Laina shared with us:

• 3:00 – The objectification of Asian women in culture and media
• 7:33 – Connecting pleasure to sex and sexuality
• 8:20 – How media conditions us to find women attractive and a sexual turn-on
• 13:30 – It’s okay to have varying levels of sex drive, even to the point of demi-sexuality
• 17:30 – Laina’s husband told her he wishes they had more sex
• 20:40 – Different types of turn-ons, like feeling warm and safe during cuddling
• 25:25 – How Laina’s body image impacts her sex life
• 31:16 – How Laina’s relationship to her body has changed since giving birth

The Quick Five:

• 33:28 – Do you have sex during your period?
• 33:50 – What is a fantasy you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t yet?
• 35:11 – How do you feel about the smell/taste of your own juices when you partner goes down on you and then kisses you?
• 35:43 – Have you ever had a sexual urge that confused you?
• 37:10 – Post-interview note about auto-eroticism (getting turned on by her own image in the mirror)

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Laina discusses her sex drive and how the book 50 Shades of Gray opened her eyes to the idea of female pleasure.
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus almost 13 minutes of Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus the monthly Ask Me Anything!

Visit https://www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex to become a community supporter!

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

In the final episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, I talk about why I've decided to end the podcast and what's coming next.

For those wishing to keep the podcast legacy alive, the archives are available for download at leahcarey.com/audio. Safeguard this invaluable content before any legal restrictions come into play.

A heartfelt thank you for your unwavering support through the years. Though the podcast is ending, our conversation is not. Join me on YouTube, and let's keep working to make a more positive world.

With love and gratitude, Leah 💕

GET THE ARCHIVES:

📢📢 leahcarey.com/audio 📢📢

LET'S STAY IN TOUCH:

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@xoleahcarey

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/xoleahcarey/

Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@xoleahcarey

Join the newsletter to keep current with updates - https://www.leahcarey.com/three-minute-game/

Book a free consultation: https://www.leahcarey.com/discoverycall/

OTHER LINKS:

Leeja Miller's Project 2025 video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k3UvaC5m7o

NBC News THINK op-ed - https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/learning-sex-education-can-save-kids-from-groomers-rcna26931

Charlotte’s sexual journey has taken the deep bends—and openings—of the yoga she practices. She met her husband in a guru community, fled it, had two daughters, reclaimed her body, and is now exploring “high-fidelity” polyamory in several configurations.

Charlotte is a 45-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, and perimenopausal with an athletic body. Her sexual orientation and preferred relationship style are under exploration, and her current relationship status is “exploring.”

Bookmark moments: 

• 5:02 - Charlotte shares her first experience of sexual pleasure, at age 18. She talks about arousal and masturbation and exploration occurring before then, but not to the level of real pleasure.
• 11:20 - Charlotte grew up Catholic, with very little family PDA, and the most basic Sex Ed. “None of the juicy stuff.”
• 19:00 - She meets the father of her children in a yoga community and has to keep the relationship a secret as they travel the world with their guru. They are forced to leave, quickly marry, and have two daughters.
• 21:26 - Charlotte opens up about sexual violation at the hands of the guru as part of the “spiritual path” she was expected to be on. She struggles for three years before it starts outweighing the good of the mission she believed in.
• 27:55 - She and her husband leave the community together and set up house. Pregnancy, motherhood, and breastfeeding take over her body and sex becomes a marital duty.
• 29:38 - PJ Parties for Grownups!
• 32:17 - Her marriage struggles.
• 35:10 - She finds herself alone for the first time in 10 years when her husband takes the girls on a trip. She reunites with a college friend…with benefits.
• 37:00 - Charlotte talks about her current exploratory dating, Her sexual orientation and relationship styles vary at the moment, and include being in a non-monogamous “high-fidelity polyamory” with a super communicative yoga dude and being the girlfriend of a married couple.
• 40:20 - After spending time digging into and undoing her wounds, she is literally bathed in new love.
• 43:58 - A friend of a friend overhears Charlotte talking about her escapades at a party, and contacts her afterward to ask if she’ll have sex with her husband. He turns out to be hot enough to make her nervous.
• 47:26 - Charlotte looks to the future and potentially partnering up monogamously again, as well as further pushing her sexual boundaries.

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

Charlotte talks about dealing with depression and uncovering feelings of unworthiness as a college student. Then she talks about the final disintegration of her marriage.  And of course, the full Lowdown Q&A!

As of July 2020, all Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. 

I've done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

BE PART OF THE SHOW:

Rate this pod: Leave a rating and review at Apple Podcasts

Have a question or comment - Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) - this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won't have to talk to someone in person!

Be a guest on the show - I'd love to talk with you! Fill out the form at www.leahcarey.com/guest

FOLLOW LEAH:

Instagram - www.instagram.com/goodgirlstalk
YouTube - www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
Leah's website - www.leahcarey.com
Podcast website - www.goodgirlstalk.com

WORK WITH LEAH:

Learn about coaching with Leah - www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Join a PJ Party for Grown Ups - www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak

Stacey grew up aware of and comfortable with her own pleasure from an early age. She has a daughter and is twice divorced. She’s had a rich sex life, and now finds happiness, satisfaction, and opportunity for personal growth in open relationships.

 Stacey is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female, who describes herself as Black, heterosexual, and non-monogamous. She is currently single and open to exploring a relationship with a “primary partner.”

This is a re-broadcast of episode 5.

Public Service Announcements:

How to be multi-orgasmic, step 1: Pay attention to what is happening and where. “My whole thing is staying in the room.”

How Healing Happens: Stacey has a moment of deep personal growth when she realizes that the anger she was able to openly display to her mom was misplaced anger she was really feeling towards her emotionally unavailable father: “Love makes us feel safe enough to be horrible.”

OVERVIEW

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:58 - Her first memory of sexual desire, at about age 6, is of playing with a “male” doll and rubbing its hand on her vulva.
• 6:35 - Stacey shares early childhood memories of making out with girls, imitating intimacy as she sees in families on TV, and low-level sexually exploring for pleasure with a male cousin. She knows enough to keep these secrets from grownups.
• 10:18 - She talks about her first make-out as a teen.
• 11:38 - Pleasure dynamic in sexual explorations and experiences is focused on herself even from the start.
• 12:10 - She tells the story of losing her virginity.
• 14:00 - Stacey tells her mom she’s had sex.
• 16:30 - She associates the ability/need to communicate with feelings around intimacy, and notes the difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy.
• 20:10 - Stacey realizes she’s been able to work through anger by directing it at her mother, because her mother was emotionally available for it.
• 26:50 - Stacey embraces being comfortable with sexuality with her own daughter, and talks about the positive energetic impact of good sex.
• 28:00 - Stacey opens up about her first “real” boyfriend, the distinction being that it was “reciprocal.”
• 28:43 - She meets her first husband.
• 31:35 - She currently practices ethical non-monogamy, but shares how non-monogamy was more like cheating with earlier relationships and marriages. She also shares what it looks like with her current lovers.
• 40:42 - Stacey and Leah discuss orgasms, and ways to be multi-orgasmic.

The Lowdown (39:40)

• Approximate number of partners?
• Favorite sex position?
• Favorite sex toy?
• Sex during your period?
• Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
• Do you have single orgasms or are you multi-orgasmic?
• Do you swallow or not?
• How much noise do you make during sex?
• Do you prefer penetration or clit stimulation?
• Do you prefer to be the giver or the receiver of sexual pleasure?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• The full, unedited interview with Stacey, available to all patrons at $5/month and up.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Chandra grew up in the 7th Day Adventist church, which she equates to a cult. She faults the church for being an educational, social, and religious system that neither acknowledges nor teaches that consent exists for women. She became (mildly) rebellious, experimented with illicit hand-holding, got married, got out, and then embarked on a season of further discovery.

Chandra is a 29-year-old, cisgender female. She grew up in the 7th Day Adventist Church in the United States and describes herself as mixed race including Black, white, Chinese, and east Indian. She is bisexual, single, and has no children. She said her preferred relationship style is “honest.” She describes her body as average.

Cult Evaded

"Fall in love with your sex life" - register for one class or the entire series!
www.leahcarey.com/classes

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/7th-day-chandra

Erin is a 34-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as queer, in a new relationship, she isn’t certain of her preferred relationship style.

Erin deals with OCD, plus related mental conditions that cause her to pull her hair (Trichotillomania) and pick her skin (Dermatillomania). Those conditions cause her nervousness when exposing herself with a new partner.

Major themes in this episode include being queer, OCD, and exploring sex in adulthood.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 3:25 - Feeling the tingle watching animated cartoons
• 6:10 - Growing up in a progressive culture
• 10:30 – The lack of good sex education, even in a progressive city
• 13:20 – Erin’s first time having sex
• 16:00 – The dreaded moment of receiving oral from a boyfriend who didn’t like doing it
• 18:00 – Basing her teen body image on being the “funny one”
• 19:30 – How getting tattoos as an adult has helped Erin to embrace her body
• 23:20 – The positive impact improving her body image has had on her sex life
• 26:00 – Erin’s first relationship with a woman
• 31:00 – Navigating dating and sexuality with a form of OCD that is very visible (skin picking and hair pulling)
• 34:20 – Erin talks about her hard red lines around sex

 Quick 5:

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What is your favorite way to orgasm?
• Have you ever faked an orgasm?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Erin and I talk about bisexuality – the language that is used around it and the experiences each of us have had around being rejected for it as well as being fetishized for it
• At the $5/month level, Erin talks about choosing a monogamous relationship after exploring ethical non-monogamy.
• At the $7/month level, those conversations plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus the monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Overview: Candi lives with Muscular Dystrophy. She shares how it progressed and how it changed her physical capabilities over her lifetime, and what it’s like to date and to have sex with a visible disability. She also opens up about loving rough sex and BDSM, despite an appearance—and often others’ assumption—of fragility.

Public Service Announcement: Never judge a book by its wheels.

Bookmark moments:

• 4:30 - Candi shares her first memory of sexual desire, a seemingly spontaneous discovery of masturbation in 9th She grew up in a conservative Christian family and sex was not discussed.
• 7:46 - She talks about being flat-chested in high school, and being such a late bloomer that her mom never gave her the period talk and she only knew what was happening because of Sex Ed.
• 14:56 - Candi stays a virgin until she’s 22, influenced both by purity culture and fear of the unknown.
• 16:50 - She meets a cute boy with a leg brace in a boring class and they bond. She boldly asks him out.
• 19:53 - Her first sexual experience happens and leaves her feeling both curiosity and disappointment.
• 21:44 - Candi explains her Muscular Dystrophy.
• 26:46 - She reflects back to her first sexual experience through the lens of her disability and what the experience was like with her body.
• 29:43 - She goes into her next sexual experience in a way would *never* repeat.
• 35:54 - She opens up about the great sex she had, and the positions that managed it, with the random work guy she wasn’t attracted to.
• 39:00 - Liking aggressive sex is completely normal; also, be careful with choking.
• 40:04 - Candi meets a guy on a dating app, and after an interesting first meeting, he introduces her to BDSM and blows her mind.
• 50:04 - She opens up about how hard it is to watch able people enjoy romantic and life milestones that seem to pass her by despite her competence and energy.

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Candi talked me through her Muscular Dystrophy progression from the point of view of the different equipment she used over time, eventually needing a full-power wheelchair beginning in 2017
• The extra 25 minutes we didn’t have time for in the regular episode - Candi talks about the BDSM scene that went wrong, her journey of inner healing and growth, and the types of men that she’s attracted to.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this coaching episode, Sophilia asks: why does she keep ending up in relationships where things don’t feel right, and the entire weight of making it better falls on her?

Leah works with Sophilia to:

• understand the red flags for this type of relationship,
• the communication skills that will help screen them out,
• rethink her own experience of being turned on.

Sophilia is a 39-year-old, cisgender woman. She describes herself as queer, single, and multi-racial with a white mother and Black father. In the past she’s been in monogamous relationships, but currently prefers the idea of being in open relationships. She describes her body as curvy and muscular.

Leah offers valuable insights and tools to help Sophilia and all listeners to screen potential partners.

Find the turn-on cycle explanation here: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/turn-on-cycles/

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/red-flags-sophilia

When a dancer goes from embodying the feminine ideal to challenging it, beauty and gender standards are thrown into beautiful disarray. Monica began shaving and bleaching her bountiful body hair when she was 8. Two years ago, she finally rebelled and launched the Wet Hairy Woman project. She continues to untangle her preconceived notions around sexual and gender orientation and is learning to overcome her trauma responses while celebrating her true nature at every level. In other words ... she's gone guerrilla by going gorilla.

See then and now photos and videos at https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/monica-steffey-then-and-now/

Monica Steffey is a 26-year-old, cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, bisexual, currently monogamous and interested in exploring, and single. She describes her body as athletic.

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/wet-hairy-monica