The thing that stood out to me the most in this interview you’re about to hear is how important it is to focus on being our best selves if we want to fix our marriage. Also how important it is to shed our egos. And when we married, we signed up to love our spouse: meaning, to be their champion and cheerleader, not their critic.

Laura Doyle is The New York Times best-selling author of several books, including The Empowered Wife. She’s also the star of the Amazon Prime series Empowered Wives. Her books have been translated into 19 languages and published in 30 countries. Over 15,000 women credit her with not only saving their relationships but also showing them how to become desired, cherished, and adored for life.

She is the founder of Laura Doyle Connect, an international relationship coaching company that teaches women the intimacy skills they need to have passionate, peaceful relationships.

Laura lives in Newport Beach, California with her hilarious husband John Doyle, who has been dressing himself since before she was born. They have been married for over 30 years.

Resources:

Laura Doyle's Website: https://lauradoyle.org/

This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan sits down with Dr. Chavonne Perotte to discuss what to do when you are living like a roommate with little intimacy or meaningful connection. If you're often disappointed that your needs aren't being met or that you are always compromising but still feel the same this is the podcast for you. 

Dr. Chavonne Perotte is a Life and Marriage Coach with a doctorate degree from John Hopkins University. To find out more about Dr. Chavonne's work check out her website here.

I love hearing your success stories! If you would like to share yours on the podcast, please fill out this form.

This episode covers six of the anonymous questions I've received this month. You all sure send me some really good questions! If you would like to submit an anonymous question, you can do so on our website.

Today we answer questions about fetishes, shame, anal play and how we overcome awkwardness and the "gross factor." I also address talking to our partners about the hard stuff, what to do when we don't share their perspective or want them to do something differently. Ultimately, it's all about how we can know and be known by our spouses and make room for both spouses to be equal partners in all things.

Thanks for listening!

If you like this content, check out getyourmarriageon.com for more:

• FREE MASTERCLASS
• Next Level Intimacy Program
• Private Coaching
• Workshops
• Apps
• Guides
• AND MORE!

I’m pretty excited for today’s podcast episode, all about lingerie. I recently asked my Instagram followers if they regularly include lingerie in sexy time, and 39% responded yes. In general, husbands were more excited about seeing their wife in lingerie than wives were enthusiastic about wearing it, which might come as no surprise to you. 

Generally speaking, men are more wired to be turned on sexually by visual stimulation than women are.  However, so many women love to wear lingerie for themselves simply because they feel good and sexy in it. Besides, novelty and newness that lingerie can bring is an important part of keeping your sexual relationship vital for the long haul of marriage, 

I have the pleasure of associating with Alex and Kadi, founders of EveryLove Intimates. They’re a new brand of intimate wear. I’ve had lots of questions about lingerie, how to shop for it, how to be creative with it, why people are uncomfortable with it, how to handle situations where one spouse wants it and the other doesn’t, and much more. 

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level!: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Next Level Loving Virtual Intimacy Retreat:  https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and Sexy App for your Marriage: Intimately Us

A recurring theme I've noticed in over 200 episodes of the Get Your Marriage On podcast is that those who are willing to push themselves a little outside their comfort zone experience the most joy and growth in their relationships. And this is also consistent with my own experience. 

My guest today is Kaitlin Hawes. She's a mom and a wife with a great message. You'll get to hear about what inspired her to reconsider her level of enthusiasm for sexual connection in her marriage and what inspired her to try new things and how a willingness to be honest and vulnerable with her husband opened up new heights of life experiences for her. 

You'll also quickly figure out that Kaitlin is quite creative in and out of the bedroom. This episode is on the spicier side; we're gonna do a deep dive as we listen to her tips on how to make oral sex great for both men and women, along with the other fun adventures to try as a couple. I hope this episode inspires you to get creative in your own way, in your bedroom (or out of your bedroom!).

News and Resources

We're hiring! If you think you'd be a good fit for our brand as a brand ambassador and social media marketer, please check out the details and apply here!

Last minute Couples Retreat spot can be yours for $500 off! We just had a last minute cancellation, and the generous couple has offered their deposit for another worthy couple to attend. Use code "payitforward" at checkout! Check out these testimonials on youtube! 

Intimately Us App

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

There’s no doubt in my mind that there’s a deeply spiritual and emotional aspect to really good sex. When two lovers come together as good friends that want to give and receive pleasure and connect to know each other at a very deep and intimate level, sex takes on deep meaning.

Many in American or western culture put a big focus on orgasm and finishing, for good reason: orgasm feels good. Really, really good. However, once in a while, we’re too busy driving to our destination that we fail to see the beauty along the way. Slowing things down, way down, on purpose can bring you a new view of sex and deep intimate connection you may have not noticed before.

Today’s guest is Tammy Hill. She’s a licensed family and marriage therapist as well as a professor at Brigham Young University in the family sciences department. She and her husband, Jeff, have 12 children and I lost count of how many grandchildren. She’s studied and taught a slower, more thoughtful approach to sex which is full of awareness and soulful connection, called Tantric sex or Slow Sex, for more than a decade.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

March Couples Retreat Tickets: Intimately Us Couples Retreat

SEXTEMBER STARTS TODAY (September 1)! Read here for more.

Many of our podcast episodes are interviews with guests. I often invite my guests to share what I call a black belt sex tip. The idea for this comes from my own martial arts training I did for 13 years, and it applies to building a great sexual relationship with your spouse in your marriage too. It's that there's always going to be a next level.

Your growth never stops. You must master the basics before enjoying the higher level tactics in training. So, this is episode number 150. And I want to give you a roundup of the best black belt sex tips that my guests have taught me over the last 50 episodes. It's geared towards couples that have mastered the basics and are ready for their next level.

We have just a few openings left for our October Marriage and Intimacy Retreat in Granbury, Texas, which is just outside of the Dallas Fort Worth area. It's limited to about 20 couples only. You get to spend 4 days and 3 nights with your sweetheart, receive great instruction, enjoy good company, eat excellent food, participate in fun activities, and enjoy beautiful surroundings.

Besides, we take you on a deep dive into your relationship to help you unlock your next level to a closer and more intimate relationships and better sex in your relationship. Sign up today!

Picture this: It's a typical day. You're lying in bed. Snoozing your alarm clock for the third time, your resolve to get to the gym weakening. You were interrupted again last night from a child that needed you. And as you awake the demands of the day, press on you. Lists appear in your mind what shopping needs to be done, which child has which appointment, the field trip that you volunteered to go on, the assignment at church you agreed to do, and so on and so on.

You get out of bed already tired to go about your morning routine. But today, a genie appears and grants you a special wish for one day. You can do what you want to do. What would you decide? What would you do?

Have you lost yourself?

My friend and guest, Ariel Finlinson, years ago was in a situation where her husband and kids are going to be out of town for a few days.

And she had an entire weekend to herself. She had no idea what she'd do with her time. That's the day she realized that she had somehow lost herself in motherhood. She had lost touch of herself, lost the relationship with herself in her busy and noble life of mothering.

As you know, this podcast is dedicated to helping Christian couples get out of a rut in their sex life. Today's topic isn't sexy, per se, but it's really important and ties into developing a stronger sex life. The relationship with ourselves is crucial to our relationship with others. You can't give from an empty well, and you can't lift others to higher ground if you're not on higher ground yourself.

Ariel recently received her master's degree in family life education. She's super fun, sharp. And the host at the Ladies Talking Love podcast.

Today, we're going to talk about five ideas for mothers to reconnect with themselves in their life.

Click here for Ariel's free download, "Find Yourself After Kids," that we mentioned in the episode.

Take Care of Yourself and Your Relationship

Something you can do to nourish yourself, get some rest, have fun and connect with your spouse in a deeper, profound way is to get away once in a while together.

And there's no better way to do that than to attend our upcoming couples retreat in March. Registration is open and you won't want to miss it.

During the retreat, we'll do a deep dive into your relationship and give you real practical tools to help you get out of a rut, do away with resentment and free yourself from the frustrations and limitations you currently face.

You'll walk away from this retreat feeling rejuvenated with lots of hope in your relationship and just feeling great together again. And this retreat is also balanced with a lot of fun activities like ATVing in the desert or canyoneering near Zion national park. To make this an unforgettable weekend, sign up today!

One complaint I hear a lot from couples is where they feel like their spouse is consenting to sex but isn’t enthusiastic about it. These reports sound like, “let’s just hurry and get this done.” “I know it's been a while so let me give you sex so that you’ll get off my back.” “I know sex is important for our marriage, and if I don’t give you sex, I’m afraid you’ll stray, besides it’s my wifely duty.” Or, “The bible says that I should never deny my husband so I let him have me, even if I don’t enjoy it at the moment, because aren’t we supposed to make sacrifices – and we’ll be rewarded for it later on?”

Sexual desire is strongly tied to a sense of self and freedom. But when you don’t feel free to be yourself in sex, it can be more harmful than good in your relationship.

My guest today is Dr. Cami Hurst. She recently completed an extensive study for her dissertation on the effects of “consensual” yet duty-focused sex in marriages. 

I personally gained a lot from this episode. It made me reflect on how important choice and freedom is to a healthy sexual relationship, and how harmful duty sex can be to the intimacy of the marriage.

She makes an important distinction between responsive desire (where you may not be in the mood when sex begins but as things get going you generally can get into it and enjoy it) and duty sex, where you don’t enjoy it but you feel like you can’t say no. She talks about how PTSD symptoms show up in women who engage in duty sex over time. She also talks about what you can do about it!

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Men's coaching program waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

Nate Bagley is the founder of Growth Marriage "Where Ordinary People Create Extraordinary Love". Nate believes that most people suffer from a disease called "mediocre love" but they shouldn't! Nate's mission is to help couples achieve a ridiculously fulfilling marriage. 

In today's podcast, we discuss with Nate why "nice guys" have bad sex, how being a "nice guy" previously impacted Nate's relationships, and what to do if you find yourself being a "nice guy". 

For a lot of us, we associate the word "eroticism" with something that's distasteful or something that we probably shouldn't want as a Christ-loving people, right? 

We don't go embracing the things we see on Las Vegas billboards, for example. So eroticism to to some is kind of something hard to hear.  Now, this is a concept I teach towards the end of our retreats and my program because there's a lot of groundwork to cover first to understand it. And I understand that we generally don't talk about eroticism because it's very personal.

But whether you believe that the book of Songs of Solomon / The Song of Songs in the Old Testament was inspired by God or just purely, really good Hebrew poetry, we have many examples, even in the Bible, of married couples using their eroticism to create something special within their relationship, something precious. 

And that's the kind of eroticism I want to talk about today. It's the kind that will strengthen your marriage and bring you closer together.

If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources:

Intimately Us App

How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com

Do you wish you could have more powerful, more pleasurable orgasms? Or to not need to cross your legs when you sneeze? Or jump on the trampoline like you used to before kids?  

Studies show only about 30% of women have an orgasm from penetration. But perhaps that number could be higher if your pelvic floor (the muscles in and around your vagina) were in better condition.

Research also shows that the stronger and healthier your pelvic floor muscles are, the more pleasure you’ll find from orgasms (the orgasm is the most powerful pelvic floor contraction possible!), and no pain from intercourse too!

Our special guest Pauli Hannan is a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist that specializes in helping women have a better life with a healthier pelvic floor. 

She’s created No Kegel University, where she debunks the idea that you need to do more Kegel exercises or buy vaginal ben-wa balls to strengthen your pelvic floor.

This episode is an abridged version of a live 90-minute workshop, and you can watch the full replay on our website.

Although this content is directed towards women, men are invited to learn along. After all, men have pelvic floors that need strengthening too!  

Today's episode is about flirting and having fun by trying on a different persona on a date night. It's about using the power of role play to infuse fresh life into your marriage!

It's like putting on a different outfit than the one you usually wear and being playful. And because this is get your marriage on, we'll add a sexy twist to it, of course!

My guest is my friend, Katie Runyan. She's the founder of Faithful Fling, an online resource my wife and I use to get creative ideas for date night. You'll find Katie to be a very creative and fun person.

I realize that the idea of sexy role-play isn't for everyone, just like not everyone is into all the fun that goes into picking out a Halloween costume, or being super romantic for Valentine's day, and that's okay. But I encourage you to listen and pick out the principles you find can apply to your marriage, to take your marriage to the next level!

***

You can win 12 Free Dates from Faithful Fling by participating in the Sextimacy Challenge going on now on the Intimately Us app!

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! 

 Other episodes you might like: 

190: Cultivating Healthy Eroticism in Long-term Marriages

171: Would You Rather …? Sexy Edition & Embracing Your Eroticism

217: Eroticism: What Does Your Sexuality Want?

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Holy smokes, this episode is jam packed with so much goodness and truth bombs. You’re about to hear Tony and I get a bit vulnerable as we share some of our mistakes and lessons learned about growing more emotionally mature in our relationships.

Ever accuse your spouse of being a narcissist – or at least being myopic or only seeing their side of things without taking you into account? Well, this episode is for you.

Ever desire a stronger emotional connection with your spouse? This episode is for you too!

Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist from the Bay Area of California. He’s the host of the popular podcast called The Virtual Couch. In his practice working with thousands of couples, he’s noticed how crucial emotional maturity is, and how “narcissism” (which he explains is emotional immaturity) plays a role in the way we relate to ourselves and others. He goes on to explain how to wake up to it and steps we can take to be stronger within ourselves and our relationships.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Live Workshop on Feb 22: How to Have an Orgasm (and have better orgasms)

Next Level Waiting List: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Men's coaching program waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

Today is a really fun episode that I have planned with you. I emailed my mailing list a few weeks ago, asking for anonymous questions and I got a ton of questions. So today we're going to go through a lot of these great questions that you asked.

There's a lot of value in asking good questions.

First, it opens your mind to other possibilities. Second, it invites you to change. Even if it's just microscopic, it changes your lifestyle or your attitude about certain things. And number three.  It puts you in a position where he can receive instruction, receive coaching or whatever it is for you to really level up things in your relationship.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level!: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Couples Retreat (Dallas/Ft Worth area): https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat-dfw/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and Sexy app for couples: Intimately Us

I have six children, including 3 daughters, and I want to raise them well. I want to set them up for success in their future marriages. Research shows how we talk to our children, especially our daughters, about dating, sex, and relationships can affect the type of person they marry and how satisfied they’ll be in their marriage. After doing this interview you’re about to hear, I realize there are a few areas I can improve in.. 

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a friend of mine, as well as the author of several books on the topic of sex and marriage. Her books are awesome for those seeking helpful and accurate information from a Christian perspective. She’s funny too. She has two daughters and an angel son and two grandchildren.

I didn’t know this until this interview, but according to Sheila Wray Gregoire’s research, my generation – the millennials – grew up with the least comprehensive sex education compared to Gen X and Baby Boomer generations. 

I learned that the most important thing is to have a great relationship with your children. There are also things to consider about how we talk about modesty, agency, arousal, consent, and self-definition to our children, especially our daughters.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level!: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Next Level Loving Virtual Intimacy Retreat:  https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and Sexy app for couples: Intimately Us

 Ever play the game "Two Truths and a Lie"? (A person makes three statements, and you guess which two are factual and which one is false.) Well, we get to play that game today on our episode with my guests Sheila Wray Gregoire and her husband Keith (return guests to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast).

The Gregoires completed extensive research, surveying thousands of Christian couples, and recently published their findings in a new book called The Marriage You Want. I've read this book and I think it's really well done, so I invited the Gregoires onto the podcast to share it with you. We talk about a lot of topics: sexual intimacy (of course), finances, sharing the mental load, and more.

I hope you walk away from this episode with a few new insights and fresh ideas to improve intimacy and connection in your own marriage. And if you'd like a little extra help, myself and my team would love to meet with you and coach with you in our Get Your Marriage On Program.

And as always, don't forget to check out the Intimately Us app.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

One pernicious thought the often gets in the way of our intimacy is a thought that we can put the romance and desire side of our marriage on the back burner while we raise our children.

The reality is the greatest gift we can give our children right now is for us as parents to have a thriving marriage and erotic relationship that feels alive. Prioritizing desire in our relationship, within reason, has done wonders for our marriage. 

So today I've invited three, yes, three guests onto my podcast. This trio is part of Kingdom Sexuality, where their mission is to help Christian couples see God's design for sex. They also have a great Instagram account, by the way. Alana, Kyle, and Tiera each are married and have children. And we're going to have a frank conversation about practical things to keep strong desire while you're still raising young children. 

Take some time just for the two of you!

And the other thing you can do for your marriage and for your children is to get away once in awhile with your spouse. And there's no better way to do that than attend our next couples retreat in March. Registration is open and you won't want to miss it. We'll do a deep dive into your relationship and give you real practical tools to help you get out of a rut, do away with resentment, and free yourself from the frustrations and limitations you're currently facing in your marriage. 

We do this by building on top of your strengths and helping you see a clear path forward so that you have hope and excitement in the future of your marriage. This is all, of course, in balance with fun activities to do on the retreat, like ATV in the desert or canyoneering near Zion National Park. To make this an unforgettable weekend, register today on our website.

DIY or professionally done, boudoir photography has the potential to empower women and open their minds and hearts to their own inherent beauty, as well as add an extra spark and intimacy to a marriage. 

I discuss this and more with my guest today, Sierra Beltran, an experienced photographer from Arizona. In this podcast episode, we talk about the following in our deep dive on boudoir photography:

• How it can benefit you and your marriage
• What to expect
• What common objections there are to having boudoir photos done
• Concerns about faith and nudity 
• Ways to feel more confident in your photos
• How to do your own boudoir photography at home with a lot of fantastic DIY tips from a professional 

If you're interested in DIY boudoir photography at home, I have two fantastic resources for you!

1. EveryLove Intimated DIY Boudoir Photography Date Night Box. We have partnered with EveryLove Intimates, one of our favorite lingerie and date night box brands to create a DIY Photo box. This box comes with everything you need for a memorable at-home boudoir experience and date night. My wife and I recently did the DIY session with the items in this box, and it has definitely easily become one of our top 10, most memorable date nights.
2. Just Between Us App. If you want to share your photos with your spouse, you can do it safely on this app. It encrypts everything so you never have to worry about your intimate photos or conversations accidentally going to someone unintended. Also, there's a feature where you can take photos now and send them later.  

Everyone struggles with feelings of self-worth and self-acceptance from time to time. Our bodies are sacred; as the Bible says, we're created in God's image. Yet the enemy of our souls does what he can to discredit and devalue our worth, often by casting shade about our own body image.

Today you get to meet Hope Orr, a skilled boudoir photographer and owner of Elevated Boudoir, as we talk about her journey, experiences, and the profound impact boudoir photography has had on herself and her clients. I had the privilege of meeting Hope over six years ago through a business connection, and I'm so excited that you get to meet her today.

Hope has a grace about her and you can tell she's a very caring individual.  In this episode, you'll hear Hope share her personal battle with body image and toxic perfectionism, and how a spontaneous boudoir session changed her perspective on herself. She discusses the transformative power of boudoir photography, the importance of trust, and shares three principles that can help anyone embrace a positive self-image. The heart of this episode is about the deep personal and emotional journey and broader impact of embracing one's true self.

News and Resources

We're hiring! If you think you'd be a good fit for our brand as a brand ambassador and social media marketer, we've extended our deadline. Please check out the details and apply here!

Last minute Couples Retreat spot can be yours for $500 off! We just had a last minute cancellation, and the generous couple has offered their deposit for another worthy couple to attend. Use code "payitforward" at checkout! Check out these testimonials on youtube! 

Join the March Madness Fun!

Intimately Us App

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In our Christian culture, we’re sometimes afraid of the word “erotic,” thinking it has something to do with unsavory media or loose morals. Many of us grew up in a culture where anything sexually exciting was considered less-than worthy or shameful. 

However, our erotic natures are actually a beautiful part of being human and a way of experiencing the divinity within us. When cultivated, our erotic nature can draw us closer to our spouse in very special ways. 

I hear stories from couples where sex is considered a necessity to satisfy the other partner rather than something to joyfully engage in for their own sake. So how do you learn how to cultivate your erotic nature? What if you’re married to someone that doesn’t see the value in developing their eroticism? 

Today I have the privilege of interviewing Dr. Jennifer Degler, a clinical psychologist, life coach, author, and speaker. You’ll get to hear about how to shift from neutral to drive, the value of curiosity, and some really fun ideas and dares to spice things up in the bedroom!

Want to spice up your love life but don't know how? Desire, fantasy and foreplay are natural part of sexual intimacy. Sharing your desires and fantasies with your spouse is a fulfilling way to brings more passion to your marriage. Join Dan and our Sexpert Dr. Laurie Watson's to learn more tips on overcoming common difficulties surrounding foreplay, desire, and fantasy!

Dr. Laurie Watson is a nationally acclaimed sex therapist, author, blogger, and co-host of the Foreplay Radio podcast. 

I strongly believe one of the paths to a stronger marriage is by doing the work necessary to have a great sex life as a couple.

Why start with sex? It’s because there’s such a strong link between pleasure and connection. When you increase and broaden the pleasure you experience as a couple, you’ll find your emotional and spiritual connection deepen as well.

Besides, doing the work necessary to have great sex forces individuals to learn how to deeply love their spouse like they’ve never loved before; it requires trust, self-confidence, and an open heart. In short, developing your sexual relationship leads to more personal growth than anything else.

Unfortunately, there’s an orgasm gap in many marriages. Although orgasm isn’t the only measure of a great sex life, it’s a good enough proxy measure for the pleasure a couple enjoys in sex. I believe women are just as capable of sexual pleasure than men, if not more capable than men. And even though just about every person on the planet is capable of experiencing the pleasure of orgasm in sex, in far too many marriages women aren’t experience orgasm as frequently as men do. 

Today my guest is my friend Amanda Louder. Amanda is a fellow marriage and intimacy coach. She is the host of the podcast, Sex For Saints. We’re going to talk about practical strategies to help you overcome your orgasm gaps in your marriage today. We’re also going to talk about sex toys that are used as an aid for pleasure as a couple. Did you know that over 70% of those that responded to my poll on Instagram say that they have used or currently use a vibrator? Many people are curious about trying a vibrator but don’t know where to go to buy one without feeling weird about it. If that’s you, open the Intimately Us app and go to the Learn Section, then Products We Love for my personal recommendations from trusted companies and brands.

This is one of our spicier podcasts! Keelie and Austin Reason from the Love Hope Adventure Blog and Podcast decided to join me today to talk about male pleasure and the importance of emotional connection as a foundation for happy and intimate marriage. 

One huge factor in enjoying a life-giving sex life is your overall attitude towards your own sexuality. Today, we have the privilege of interviewing Dr. Anthony Hughes.  In this episode you'll learn to embrace your sexuality and not be ashamed of cultivating and sharing this powerful force within our marriages.

Dr. Anthony Hughes is a sex therapist and founder of Covenant Sex Therapy. He is also a professor at Brigham Young University, a private religious school. Tune in to hear his view of sexuality from a faith and spiritual standpoint. Spoiler alert: it’s very positive!!

Monica was about to have her third baby and was meeting with the doctor about treating her anticipated postpartum depression that afflicted her past two childbirths. She really wanted to nurse this baby, and asked the doctor if there was anything else she could do to avoid going on medication after the baby was born.

"Well, you could have more frequent and intense sex. Sex will release the same brain chemicals that these medications are trying to do."

Her husband was like, "YEAH!" and Monica was like "DOUBLE YEAH!" 

This experience and many others has helped Monica coach many women and men on how a sex-first approach can strengthen marriages.

In this episode you'll learn things like:

- How Monica overcame postpartum depression by having more sex with her husband
- How to combat negative messaging we receive
- What healthy sexuality looks like
- How we can take 100% responsibility for things in our control to give us more freedom
- How focusing on the "brighter side" can be a tool to help you overcome attraction issues
- You can't change your spouse, but your spouse will often change if you make changes within yourself first.
- How you and your spouse don't necessarily need to have all interests common in order to be intimate
- Training in the art of "sexpionage"
- "Differentiation" -- bringing your goals and your dreams to life, and love your spouse accordingly
- Do chores, like scrubbing the toilets -- naked!
- Going two weeks without intercourse
- ...and more Black Belt sex techniques!

Download the Intimately Us app at https://intimately.us. Check out Monica Tanner's work at https://onthebrightersideoflife.com/!

Today we get to talk about some really exciting topics as we answer your questions from the anonymous question form on our website: 

• How to deal with sex and intimacy while you're pregnant and postpartum.
• What to do when you're hesitant about taking sexy photos or nude photos of each other.
• What to do when you have a spouse as obsessed with swinging and you disagree with it.
• What to do when a masturbation habit is interfering with intimacy and pleasure for the couple. 

I really appreciate your willing to open your heart and trust me with some of the difficulties that you're facing when it comes to sex and intimacy in your marriage. I hope you find something helpful in our discussion today. 

I love and care about you. I think about you're constantly and that prepare these podcasts episodes with you in mind.

If there other future topics that you would like me to address, please reach out to me. And if you want to submit an anonymous question, you can do so on our website. I love to hear what's on your mind and how I can help you in your marriage. That's what I love to do. 

Looking for more?

I have something big in the works: a brand new program! It's a way to bring much of what happens at the retreat to a more accessible, self-paced format. So stay tuned for that.

Follow us on Instagram @getyourmarriageon.com

Get all our apps and resources on our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

I used to think the word erotic was associated with unsavory things like X-rated films, Las Vegas billboards, or sites are not supposed to visit online. But the more I've done this work with myself and in my marriage and with other couples, the more I've come to love eroticism.

The root word for erotic is the Greek word eros, which literally means desire. 

Plato, a Greek philosopher, taught that eros is more than just sexual desire; it's the life force, passionate power that drives individuals to pursue beauty wisdom and even the divine. When you live with this eros feeling, it invites you to yearn for something beyond yourself, close gaps, seek intimacy, and to reach a higher, more spiritual level of love.

Sexual eroticism then are those things that give your intimate moments in your marriage, meaning yearning for closeness and ultimately makes your marriage fill alive and growing and to have love worth making.  By that definition. It's no wonder that red light districts X-rated films and brothels are actually anti-erotic, because when you think of it, those aren't full of that life force. They are full of misery and loneliness instead.  

Anyway, I've come to appreciate that every person has things that they find erotic. What we find sexually exciting is as unique as our fingerprints. In this episode, I'm joined by sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman. And this episode, we'll talk about what eroticism is, why erotic fantasies are important, and how to work through the challenges that couples face in sharing and negotiating sexual fantasies. We'll also discuss tips for building a stronger marriage through your God-given eroticism.  

News and Resources

Our first annual "Get-it-on-athon" is in full swing! Learn more about how to support a worthy couple's fertility journey as you come closer as a couple!

Reserve your spot at our next Couples Retreat in March 2025 (prices go up in 2025)

Are you struggling with how to explore your eroticism? Our new and improved Sexploration List can help! Rank your own preferences and desires in 13 different areas and explore and talk about those things together. You'll discover where your desires intersect and maybe get some ideas you both like, but have never thought of!

Intimately Us app - for couples who want to spice up their marriage, get new ideas, and learn how to love each other better.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan sits down with Jessa Zimmerman a Certified Sex Therapist from Seattle to discuss desire level differences. Jessa helps expand the definition of what "sex" is and some of the traps higher desire and lower desires spouses fall into. If you struggle with rejection as a high desire partner or pressure for not desiring sex often this is the episode for you!

To learn more about Jessa visit her website  https://www.seattlesextherapist.com/ or check out her Intimacy With Ease course and transform your sex life from your own home, at your own pace. https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com/a/44214/wVLdytyg

There are many reasons why a lot of us get off on the wrong foot when it comes to building an intimate marriage for the lifetime; there's shame, purity culture, unmet expectations, and difficulty in communicating about intimate matters, just to name a few.

I'm excited for you to meet a couple that has faced all these challenges, like many of you, but have found hope in the progress they've made towards the intimate relationship they desire.

Cody and Mindy are a couple that I've gotten to get to know really well through my coaching program. They've taken the principles that we teach in their program, applied them, and they're seeing real results in their relationship.

And I'm proud of them for being courageous enough to come on this podcast to share their journey and their experience with you, with the hope that some of you listening can find inspiration, hope, and healing in whatever phase of the journey you're in right now.

After listening to this episode, if you and your spouse feel like you could use a huge boost in your relationship, please check out my get your marriage on program. You'll see the details and lots of free information about it on my website.

One way to boost intimacy in your relationship is to learn mindfulness skills. And this has been proven in research over and over again. And in fact, one of the world's most foremost researchers in this area, Dr. Chelom Leavitt, is going to be joining me for a three week long seminar series in the latter half of October. You won't want to miss it!

Resources:

Intimately Us App

Sexual Mindfulness Seminar Series with Dr. Chelom Leavitt

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

I have a background in computer science and I love writing code. Nerdy, right? The better the code, the better the program. A program can’t run better than the code it’s written from.

The way we express our sexuality is the same way. We can’t out-sex ourselves beyond the thoughts we have about sex. This is one reason why I am a big believer in marriage and sex coaching. I help my clients to recognize their current thoughts about sex and their marriage, and invite them to reprogram their thoughts to elevate and improve their thoughts about sex so that they can live happier, more fulfilling lives.

So many marriages can do better if they take the time to think about what they think about sex and their relationship. If more couples did this, we could eliminate poverty from bedrooms everywhere!

My guest today is Heather Flake. Heather is a fellow life coach that helps married women love who they are in their marriage more.

If you like this content, check out getyourmarriageon.com for more:

• FREE MASTERCLASS
• Next Level Intimacy Program
• Private Coaching
• Workshops
• Apps
• Guides
• AND MORE!

This episode is for anyone interested in investing in their sexual relationship from an early stage to set the foundation for a fulfilling and intimate connection in the future. My wife and I are beginning our fifth decade in life. We had a discussion the other night about what kind of sex life we want to have in our 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s and beyond!

Having a long term vision for your sex life will bring up things that are important to address. For example, you might find it difficult to find sex pleasurable, have some hang-ups around sex that you want to overcome, or you might have a tendency to withdraw emotionally when you feel rejected, or it might be time to finally address the underlying causes of premature ejaculation.

Today’s guest is Dr. Michael Sytsma, a licensed sex therapist and evangelical pastor. Michael is the author of an excellent book called The Secrets of Sex and Marriage.

I absolutely loved his insights about the importance of exploring sensuality and pleasure in various aspects of life, not just sexual experiences. In this episode you’ll hear us talk about the role of mindfulness and being present in one's body, as well as the significance of connecting arousal with emotional intimacy and connection within the relationship. We’ll emphasize that a healthy and fulfilling sex life requires a holistic approach that considers spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational aspects. 

Most of all, we’ll talk about being seductive to our spouse, and what that means. And sometimes building a great sex life requires grieving the things you’re not going to be getting.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level!: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Couples Retreat (Dallas/Ft Worth area): https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat-dfw/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and Sexy app for couples: Intimately Us

There's definitely a spiritual element to developing an intimate marriage. For example, in order to have really good sex or really deep emotional connection with someone, it requires you to be more honest, true chaste, benevolent, and in short, to do good to your spouse. It requires you to be able to endure all things and to have a lot of hope and do the little things every day, the little micro things that actually matter to build an intimate marriage.

Our episode today is a recording of a conversation I had with my good friend, Rhonda Farr.

If you don't know her, she is a marriage and intimacy coach a lot like myself. And we had a fantastic conversation about how our marriage changes us rather than us trying to change our marriage.

This is really relevant because we're talking about the spiritual work of sexual development; this is the refining process, the part that expands us in our marriages to become the better version of who we are meant to become.

Resources:

Intimately Us App

Sexual Mindfulness Seminar Series with Dr. Chelom Leavitt

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

For this week’s episode, we continue a Q&A session with Jenny Rose about sex and intimacy. Jenny is a family lifestyle influencer. She asked some questions from her audience that I tackle in last week’s and this week’s episode, such as:

• How do you balance time with yourself and with your spouse when you feel touched out at the end of the day
• How to transition from Mommy mode to Wife mode
• What to do with mismatched sex drives
• Toys, frequency, pregnancy,
• And many more wonderful questions

Let’s jump back in where we left off last week.

The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

Intimate marriages require a lot of intimate contact in terms of body, mind, head, and soul. It’s also why I believe marriage, especially sex in marriage, is the most sure-fire path to grow up and mature to attain your best and highest version of yourself. 

The principles I want to share with you in today’s episode is that when you have a better grasp of your own light and shadow, and your spouse’s light and shadow, you can work with each other’s strengths to create a remarkable marriage. This requires self awareness and practice of course. 

One of the tools I’ve found that has helped me understand myself and my wife better is the Enneagram personality typing. Today I’ve invited Christa Hardin to my podcast to talk more about it. I’ve read her recent book, The Enneagram and Marriage, and I wanted her to share some of her insights and experience with you to help you get your marriage on.

You can learn more about her book and purchase it on her website or Amazon.

Free enneagram test: https://personalitypath.com/free-enneagram-personality-test/

If you like this content, check out getyourmarriageon.com for more:

• FREE MASTERCLASS
• Next Level Intimacy Program
• Private Coaching
• Workshops
• Apps
• Guides
• AND MORE!

It's so easy to notice how our spouse is making choices that get in the way of them getting what they really want.  Our brains expend tremendous amount of energy trying to get our spouses to see things our way, because from our vantage point, they're self-sabotaging, right? It's so obvious (to us anyway). 

Of course, our spouses think think the same thing about us. :)

If you or someone you love has ever felt this way, then this podcast episode is for you. We're going to talk about relational self-awareness: what it is, how to get it, and how to build a better relationship with your lover. 

My guest today is Dr. Alexandra Solomon. She is a professor of marriage and family therapy at Northwestern university in Chicago. I recently read one of her books, Love Every Day, and we have a great chat about the principles in her book and those she teaches in her class.

If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources:

Intimately Us App

How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com

You’re about to meet my guests on today’s episode, Zach and Darcy Spafford.  Zach used to struggle with habitual pornography use and Darcy struggled with trying to figure out what to do with her feelings of hurt and mistrust. 

After applying certain tools and committing to serious growth together, they’ve not only overcome but are now thriving together in their relationship, as you’ll see! They now host a podcast titled: The Self Mastery Podcast: Overcome Pornography

Whether or not porn use is part of your story in your marriage, I hope you learn as much as I did from Zach and Darcy’s courage and the action they took!

You might also be interested in my Life After Pornography App!

Feeling shame about our natural sexual urges is more harmful than we think. Clinton and Charity Munoz decided to share their story in hopes of helping others.

A few years into their marriage Clinton’s secretive and compulsive use of pornography was distressing to Charity and took their marriage to dark depths. With the help of God and good resources, they’ve been able to restore their marriage to more than it was before and find new meaning.

I hope you enjoy this podcast episode as much as I did!

Ahhhhh, communication in marriage. It’s so important, and also a source of frustration in our most important relationships! We don’t always know how to talk, and more importantly, listen to one another, especially when emotions run high. Learning to talk about intimacy in marriage is also a skill we can develop.

My guest today is Denise and Oliver Marcelle founders of Denoli LLC. They mentor couples on improving their communication skills for deeper intimacy and connection. They’ve been married for 20 years and have 3 children.

I am so excited to talk about today’s topic! 

The idea for this podcast episode was partially inspired by an upcoming podcast episode I’ll be releasing in a few weeks. I interviewed an author, GS Youngblood. 

His tip was about how foreplay begins the moment your past sexual encounter ends, and that foreplay should be done throughout the day not immediately before sexual intercourse.

I’ve thought a lot about foreplay and I have been more intentional about making foreplay great in my marriage. Today I want to share a few ideas that I’ve learned from my own experience and from others that I admire about meaningful foreplay in sex. 

Now, let’s talk about what foreplay is, how to do it right, why some couples may struggle with foreplay, and end with some specific, actionable things you can do right away to make better foreplay an amazing and rewarding part of your marriage.

Dan interviewed Joy Skarka from Authentic Intimacy. Joy's story can be described in one word: freedom. She is passionate about creating spaces to free women from shame. Tune in to hear how Joy found freedom from sexual abuse, sexual addiction, and how she navigates painful sex. Joy is the Authentic Intimacy's Director of Discipleship.

To learn more about Joy and her work visit Authentic Intimacy.

Like most kids, I loved taking on new roles when I’d play with my friends and siblings… whether it was cops and robbers, or ninjas, or race car drivers, there’s a creative & playful element to trying on new roles and identities. 

As an adult in a romantic and committed relationship, you can bring that same creativity and playfulness into the bedroom through role play! Many couples role play instinctively to one degree or another as a way to add healthy newness and creative fun to bedroom play.

My wife and I have always been interested in what role play sex is and fortunately, we met Jon and Katie Runyan, who are experts at role play sex and the founders of Faithful Fling.

Whether you’re new to the concept of role-playing or have a lot of experience getting into character in your encounters, I’m sure you’ll love this episode!

Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your relationship. Join me for this SOLO episode and learn how to use the 3-2-1 rule to enhance yourself and your relationship with your spouse.

Initiating sex can be a very powerful way to communicate love and desire to your spouse. Initiating is a powerful bid for connection. It’s a way of saying, “I want to connect with you.” Initiating can be very intimate. And it’s very validating to be wanted sexually.

To prepare for this episode, I ran an informal survey of our Instagram followers to get a better idea of what other couples struggle with when it comes to initiating. The answers were enlightening and I saw several patterns in the responses. 

I hope you find this episode just as insightful! Enjoy.

In today's podcast, you’ll have the privilege of meeting one of my favorite couples on the planet, Mark and his wife Mindy! Mark was in my most recent Men's coaching cohort. Six months ago Mark and Mindy were on the brink of divorce after 25 years of marriage. However, they have worked really hard and with God’s help, and a little bit of effective coaching, they had grown a lot in a short time.

I'm excited for you to hear their story!

If you’re interested, the next cohort for my coaching program starts on January 19th, 2022. There are only a dozen seats available and as of this recording, several have been taken. You’ll find the details on my website at getyourmarriageon.com

This episode, #52, marks 1 year of podcast episodes for Get Your Marriage On! 

I’ve had the privilege of interviewing many sex experts over the previous year. In many of the episodes I ask them what black belt sex tips they’d give to a couple in a healthy marriage up the quality of connection and pleasure in the bedroom. 

I’ve rounded up my favorite 20 tips. Ready? Let’s go!

It's hard to believe that my wife and I started this work eight years ago! At that time we were 13 years into a happy marriage, but something was missing. We just didn't quite know what it was. And that's when a friend opened up to me about his sex life and taught me about how a healthy, vibrant sexual relationship permeates not only the marriage relationship, but adds texture color in life to all other aspects of life, too. As we focused on enhancing our sexual intimacy as a couple, what my friend told me was absolutely right.

And we've been on a mission to share this message ever since.

That's why I'm excited to tell you about today's guest, Tanya Hale, as she's learned something similar. She calls it being a "well-sexed woman" in that she's found how a connecting and vibrant sex life gives more creativity to life and everyday living. You'll get to hear Tanya's story of a failed marriage, the valuable lessons she learned immediately afterwards, and the new marriage that she's created. You'll learn about the importance of emotional safety and connection, as well as some of her tips to living well and a happy marriage.

News and Resources

Join the first annual Get-it-On-athon fundraiser! Check out how you can help a couple struggling with infertility have a baby by next Christmas!

  Speaking of Christmas, why not ditch the stuff that accumulates and instead invest in experiences that will pay dividends and expand your relationship? Why not attend our upcoming couples retreat in March 2025?

Get Your Marriage On Program: work with me and my team in a coaching setting to help you overcome the specific challenges with intimacy in your marriage. Don't miss the testimonials on the results page, as well, to see how this program is changing the lives of other couples!

Do you know what a Pelvic Floor Therapist does? This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan sits down with Pelvis Floor Therapists Dr. Becky Allan and Dr. Corrie Maguire. Dr. Allan and Maguire share a plethora of information about the importance of pelvic floor health and dismiss some common assumptions. If you are experiencing pain during intercourse, erectile disfunction, have had a baby, or are planning to have a baby this is the episode for you!

Announcement: Join the waiting list for the couples retreat in March!

For the next few episodes, I want to take a break from interviewing experts per se and showcase real stories from “ordinary” couples who have built extraordinary intimacy in their own marriages. One of the purposes of this podcast is to help as many people realize how wonderful sex is, and although it’s sacred between a husband and wife, there’s so much joy, excitement, expansion of self, growth, light, and connection through sex. It doesn’t have to be such a taboo subject!

I’m excited for you to meet the first couple in this series! You’ll get to meet LeAnn and Jeff Austin from Georgia. They share their story about how they grew from a functional sex life to an intimate and adventurous sex life later in their marriage.  They have four sons. Their two older children are married now. Jeff works as an airline pilot and LeAnn recently started a life coach business helping people learn to love themselves and how to build a great relationships with their daughters-in-law.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples (mentioned in the podcast today): Intimately Us

Today I want to talk to those who are in a marriage where sex pretty good but maybe a little monotonous at times. Maybe it feels like it's the same old, same old. You wanna kind of spice it up, but then there's other factors involved, including feeling tired. Perhaps it feels like maybe sex is good enough, but you'd really like get to the next great level.

This is also an episode for those where you feel like you're really not into it, but you do sex anyway because you know it's good for your marriage or because your spouse wants it. And also for those who like sex, but they kind of sense their spouse is mostly just going through the motions for you.

This episode is all about developing our eroticism (and no it's not a dirty word!). 

If you'd like some more guidance in developing your eroticism, book a call with me or check out our program!

Referenced in the episode:

Podcast episode with Francie Winslow: "Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex" (Episode 178)

Podcast episode with Danielle Savory: "Blowjobs Aren't Just For Husbands" (Episode 137)

In any intimate relationship, we want two things, which paradoxically seem to be at odds with each other: we want to belong to ourselves (that is, autonomy), and we want to belong to someone else. In many marriages though, it’s easy for one person to fold into the other and that person ends up losing themselves in the marriage.

What we want instead are marriages where there’s more authenticity. We want marriages where we can be real with our spouse and ourselves, and own our desires while building a marriage worth getting excited about. Authentic marriages have more honesty, freedom, and a much more satisfying sex life.

My guest today is Amber Price. She’s a mom-turned-graduate student (and a cool story behind how that came to be) sharing what she’s learned about creating a more real and authentic marriage for herself. 

I learned a lot of great things from Amber, which you’re about to hear, such as:

• How to be more aware of how authentic your relationship is

• Seeing yourself more clearly so that you can be less biased in how you process various situations that happen

• Understanding when your behavior is driven by seeking validation from others verses something more authentic within you.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level!: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Next Level Loving Virtual Intimacy Retreat:  https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and Sexy App for your Marriage: Intimately Us

Mutual pleasure is an important ingredient of a good sexual relationship. The pleasure we get from sex facilitates bonding, joy, and makes sex way more fun!

Orgasms are probably one of the most pleasurable sensations we can experience. However, generally speaking, women have a harder time reaching orgasm than men do. There are many theories as to why this is the case. It can be distressing for a woman who wants to experience an orgasm in sex yet struggles to get there.

Many people forget that reaching orgasm is a learned behavior. It’s not as effortless as it seems like from movies or magazines. Although orgasm is a natural reflex to sexual stimulation, it’s a skill to be learned – much like learning how to ride a bicycle. It's something that we learn how to do, and it might come easier for some people than others (no pun intended).

I'm always inspired by accounts of men and women who work really hard to close the pleasure gap in marriage. They show investment in each other and commitment to building something wonderful both enjoy and want to be a part of.

Today I got to interview a fantastic woman named Ashley who overcame many hurdles to experience more pleasure in her sexual relationship with her husband. After 5 years of heartache from trying all sorts of things, including spending a lot of money on high-end sex toys, she was ready to give up trying. She shares what shifts happened within her that finally helped her learn how to orgasm, and how amazing things have been since then.

If learning how to orgasm has been a struggle for you or for someone you love, here’s a good opportunity for you. On February 22nd I will be putting on a live coaching workshop about learning how to orgasm or how to have better orgasms. This is the workshop that Ashley refers to in this interview. Sign up today on our website. 

If you’re interested in working with me to take your intimacy to the next level, I’ll be opening the doors for registration again to my program called Next Level at the end of this month! Get on our waiting list to be the first to know when it opens.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Men's coaching program waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

 Our childhood and families of origin have a profound impact on our worldviews, including our attitudes towards sex and intimacy. Not knowing anything different, for the most part, we tend to intuitively model what we've seen and absorbed from the culture we grew up in.

My wife and I are blessed to come from wonderful families. We had good childhoods and felt the support and care of our parents, which I'm very grateful for. Yet, after we were married, we were anxious about sex, which we felt was quite taboo. And for a long time really plagued us in our marriage.

The reality is sexual growth and understanding is actually developmental, meaning we grow from stage to stage line-by-line one step at a time If we choose the courageous path of growth, as we discussed in our episode last week.

There are many in midlife that realized their past attitudes towards sex and intimacy are no longer serving them today. They might come to a crisis in their relationship or feel stretched in their marriage to grow and progress. I hope that this podcast, my apps, my programs, and my retreats help you wherever you are on your journey and help you learn truths and apply principles to aid you in your spiritual and sexual development.

My guests today are Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings. Heidi has her PhD in human development and family studies, and Scott is a medical doctor and physician. Talk about a power couple! They are also the hosts of the Marriage IQ podcast, and I've had the opportunity to get to know them personally over the last year. 

And I am excited that you get to meet them here today, too!

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! 

 14-Day Sextimacy Challenge - Complete challenges in the Intimately Us app to earn points and a chance to win one of our amazing prizes. Starts February 1! All the details are in the app.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Close romantic relationships are often fraught with anxiety. It just comes with the territory, and it’s a beautiful part of what makes us human. How we deal with that anxiety is a different story though. I read Dr. Kathleen Smith’s excellent book, “Everything Isn’t Terrible” and learned sooo much about how my family’s dynamic affects the way I show up in my marriage and other relationships. Tune in to hear my interview with Dr. Smith on how differentiation - a term she uses to describe a mature way to deal with anxiety -- leads to better relationships. 

Today is a continuation of last week's question and answer episode, and I am so thankful for all the courageous couples who reached out with their questions. Here's what we discuss in this episode:

• A husband wondering about using dildos and double penetration and getting some guidance there.
• A wife whose husband has been experiencing erectile dysfunction and navigating her own lack of satisfaction in bed.
• A husband reaching looking for some advice after he reacted poorly to discovering some erotic reading that his wife was doing and navigating the aftermath of what happened.
• A husband wondering if he is being selfish for wanting sex because his wife is showing a low level of interest, or none at all.

I'm very excited about today's episode today! We get to address a lot of juicy topics, such as the following:

• a reluctant wife feeling pressure to give her husband a hand job
• a couple that wants to try pegging, but is unsure about it
• a frustrated wife that feels like all the effort she's making to improve her marriage is one sided and feels a lot of pain because of that
• a husband shares that the pain of being in a low intimacy marriage, where either fight about sex or have none at all, and he's tired of it
• a couple asks about using penis rings
• a frustrated wife, whose husband is only interested in sex if he's the one initiating (which is unfortunately really infrequent)
• a discouraged wife that must resort to using a vibrator in order to orgasm when penetrative manual oral stimulation is preferred

These are real questions on the hearts of many of you listeners, and I am humbled that you would trust me with your most perplexing questions relating to sexual intimacy in your marriage. I'm on a mission to help you have the very best sexual and intimate marriage possible. And I hope that the discussion today spurs deeper conversations within you and your marriage.

If you have a question you'd like to submit anonymously for me to address in a future podcast episode, fill out the form here, and that comes straight to me.

Resources mentioned in today's episode:

Episode 194: “Is this ok for us to do?” Seeking God’s Direction In Your Sex Life

Episode 87: Healing From Pornography with Zach & Darcy Spafford

Get Your Marriage On Program

Intimately Us App

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

Retreat testimonial videos

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Like many of you, I've had questions about BDSM for a long time. I've had preconceived ideas of what it was and wondered how it fits into my faith and the style of intimate play my wife and I enjoy.  

I have also received emails and DMS from many of you listeners asking me about BDSM in the context of a faithful Christian marriage. I've been hesitant in doing an episode about this for a long time, until I found the right guest.  

I used to think BDSM was dark and evil--a thinly disguised form of rape, aggression, and violence. I also thought it was antisocial if it was about enjoying inflicting pain on others, in some sort of a sick and twisted way. But then again, even a couple in a "vanilla" missionary position could be doing it with dark and evil intent. While sex in vanilla missionary position or BDSM play can be done in a loving, faithful, beautiful, playful, and deeply erotic way that deepens a couple's connections.

In short, it's not really the act, but the intention behind the act that really matters. 

After listening to this episode, you may want to try some of this couple's suggestions to enhance the joy and intimacy in your marriage.

I met Alan and his lovely wife Leila through a men's group that I belong to. They're a faithful, wonderful, and upstanding couple married for nearly three decades. 

I'm very grateful that they were kind and courageous enough to come on my podcast to share their experience with BDSM. They answered many of my questions and I hope you find this episode really insightful, too.  

Note that this is going to be a two part episode. This is part 1 with part 2 being released next week.

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 Men's Only and Women's Only small group coaching program -  The next cohort starts January 22nd.  We meet weekly for 12 weeks to do a deep dive into the intimacy of your marriage. And this includes a comprehensive course and all materials and coaching to help you apply everything you learn. You'll walk away from this three month program a better husband or wife and power to take your marriage to the next level.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

I get so many questions through the anonymous question form on my website, so it's time to answer some more. We address these topics today:

• A husband doesn't feel like his wife values sex and intimacy in their marriage
• Spouses wondering if erotic literature has a place in a Christian marriage
• A husband wanting more novelty in a sexual relationship, but don't know how to talk about it
• A wife feeling turned off by an overweight husband
• A spouse unwilling to try new things in the bedroom
• A wife wanting ideas to woo her husband

These are real questions on the hearts of many of you listeners, and I am humbled that you would trust me with your most perplexing questions relating to sexual intimacy in your marriage. I'm on a mission to help you have the very best sexual and intimate marriage possible. And I hope that the discussion today spurs deeper conversations within you and your marriage.

If you have a question you'd like to submit anonymously for me to address in a future podcast episode, fill out the form here, and that comes straight to me.

**Episode 200 is coming up and I can't wait. You don't want to miss it.

**Sextember is also fast approaching. This challenge starts September 1. Download the Intimately Us app to get all the details as it approaches.

Resources:

Episode 194: “Is this ok for us to do?” Seeking God’s Direction In Your Sex Life

Get Your Marriage On Program

Intimately Us App

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

Retreat testimonial videos

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

 If you were to pause and think about your very best sexual experiences that you've ever had, can you identify what made them so great? 

For many years, academics studying human sexuality at universities were primarily interested in figuring out what goes wrong in the bedroom so they can fix it and get back up to baseline functioning.  But, the guest I interview in this episode took a very different approach: she didn't just want to study people who are experiencing sexual dysfunction, she wanted to study people with extraordinary sex lives and what they were doing right.

Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz is a sex therapist and part of the faculty at the University of Ottawa. She's written several books (mostly textbooks for other sex therapists to read), but she wrote one book with Dr. Dana Menard for the rest of us called Magnificent Sex, sharing her breakthroughs and her research on how to acheive optimal sex. She is also the founder of OptimalSexualExperiences.com, a resource for group therapies all over.

News & Resources

We're hiring! If you think you'd be a good fit for our brand as a brand ambassador and social media marketer, please check out the details and apply here!

Intimately Us App

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. 

Guides and workshops - Inexpensive learning opportunities about specific topics to improve your marriage and sex life.

Private Facebook group - Christian Couples Improving Sex and Intimacy

Let us help you get results like these amazing couples in 2025!

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Join Dan this week as he discusses scheduling sex with Sexperts Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo from ONE Extraordinary Marriage. Tony and Alisa share how scheduling sex into their busy lives changed their marriage. They also address common concerns with scheduling sex, such as loss of romance. Tune in to learn more! 

I've observed from my own experience and coaching other couples that we often get in our own way of having the love and passion that we could experience in our own marriages. Sometimes we're just too focused on whether or not our spouse is reciprocating the love we think we're offering. In other words, we reduce love and marriage to be transactional.

I love this interview that I have with Dr. Corey Allan because he talks about really powerful questions to ask oneself: “Would I want to be married to me? and “How am I being towards my spouse right now?” I think those two questions can guide us through a lot of the transitions and difficulties and also guide us to creating a more passionate and intimately connected marriage.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

March Couples Retreat Tickets: https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

Next Level! waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Men's coaching program waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

Have you ever wanted to have the confidence to give your spouse a sexy lap dance? Join Dan Purcell and Keelie and Austin Reason, authors of the Love Hope Adventure blog on the podcast this week as they discuss how to do a Sexy Lap Dance step by step. By end of the podcast, you'll know all the dos and don'ts of a sexy lap dance.

This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan sits down with Seth and Melanie Studley, from Anatomy of Marriage, to discuss entitlement and how it hinders not only intimacy but also your relationship. 

You can learn more about Seth and Melanie and their work at Anatomy of Marriage. 

If you enjoy this episode, make sure to check out our app - Intimately Us! 

 I studied martial arts for 13 years when I was younger and I became proficient in three different styles of Karate and Kenpo. As you progress towards being a black belt, the fundamentals don't change, but your ability to be more precise and skilled in using those fundamentals improves dramatically. 

Like in my martial arts training to being a better lover, the fundamentals such as communication, touch and being present with arousal, and so on don't change. But your ability to use those fundamentals to be better at sex hat's deeply connecting as well as giving and receiving pleasure to strengthen your marriage. All those improve. As you become more quote unquote black belt at at sex. 

I occasionally ask my podcast guests for their black belt sex tips. And it's been over a year since I've done a Roundup of the best black belt sex tips offered by my guests on this podcast. So today, I've compiled the best into this episode. 

If you like what you've heard from these guests and want to go back for more, here are the links to the full episodes:

Sofia Ashley - #212: Create A Party Your Libido Wants To Come To)

Catherine Roebuck - #214: When Wives Have The Higher Sexual Desire

Josie McEwen - #167: Successful Vacation Sex & Romantic Getaways, According to a Romance Consultant

Jessa Zimmerman - #217: Eroticism: What Does Your Sexuality Want? 

Adam and Karissa King - #219: How Playing With Your 5 Senses Opens the Door to More Erotic Connection

Dan Purcell & Rhonda Farr - #209: Stop Trying to Change Your Marriage. Let Your Marriage Change You Instead.

Ally Bullock - #203: Why Honesty, Risk, and some Fair Play Lead To Great Connection with Alyson Bullock

Tammy Camp - #151: How a “Good Girl” and Her Husband Bravely Chose a Better Sex Life: A Sextimony

Francie Winslow - #178: Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex

Tilly Storm - #210: The G-Spot Guide: How to Stimulate, Explore, and Enjoy Together!

Heather Flake - #158: The #1 Limiting Factor in Your Sex Life, According to a Marriage Expert

Tammy Hill - #179: Having An Orgasm vs Living Orgasmically: What’s the difference?

Dr. Julie Slattery - #181: 4 Pillars to Take Intimacy From Sub-optimal to First-Rate, Both In and Out of the Bedroom

Glenn & Phyllis Hill - #183: The Anatomy of Emotional Intimacy & Connection Codes and #184: Anatomy of a Sex Date

Laurie Watson - #149: Afraid Your Husband Will Reject or Ignore You AGAIN tonight?

Alex & Kadi Dutton - #130: Lingerie? YES PLEASE! with Alex and Kadi of EveryLove Intimates

Mark Goldberg - #193: The Fast and Furious: Over-Coming Premature Ejaculation

Sierra Beltran - #170: Behold Your Beautiful Body Through the Lens of Boudoir Photography!

Ariel Finlinson - #164: Creating Space for Moms (and Dads) to Feel Like They Are in Control Again

Tammy Hill - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Danielle Savory - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife - #200: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 1

Katheleen Smith - #195: Are You a “Sexual Over-functioner?”

Bonnie Young - #168: How Your Marital Power Dynamics Are Affecting Your Sexual Relationship

Resources

If you're in an otherwise happy marriage, but struggle to see eye to eye when it comes to sexual intimacy, I highly recommend you check out our upcoming couples retreat for next March (hurry--prices go up in the new year!).

Check out our Get Your Marriage On Program. These programs are effective at helping you and your spouse communicate better about these things in a relationship and really move the needle in the positive direction.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this podcast, Dan interviewed clinical Psychologist Daniel Burgess who specializes in Marriage and Family Therapy and has a passion for helping couples navigate sexual intimacy. Dr. Burgess challenges us to grow and become curious about our physical intimacy as he explains why understanding our values and relationship with God is important when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom.

In today's podcast episode I hope to share a message of hope and understanding to those that feel like the intimacy they experience in the bedroom is duty sex. I want to talk about what duty sex is and what it isn’t, why couples fall into the pattern of duty sex, and what you can do about it. 

Al is from New York, and became a Christian in her early 20s. She’s a mother, wife, award-winning motivational speaker, and author of three books, including one about marriage. She’s inspired millions of people through her message.

I hope you enjoy this podcast episode!

In the thick of raising children or building a career or juggling the many demands that life imposes on us, it's easy for couples to feel like relationship matters have been put to the side. You don't intend for this to happen, of course. It's easy for things to feel so vanilla, routine, or monotonous between you and your spouse.

So how do some couples work through these challenges effectively? I love releasing podcasts episodes like this one, because these guests aren't so-called "experts" that pretend to have everything figured out, they're ordinary men like me and you. They have regular normal challenges; yet, their stories are inspiring because their insights are applicable to everyone.

My guests, Clint and Tony, were part of the latest men's small group coaching program that I run periodically. You'll get to hear all about their experience as well as other special insights that they've gained as a result of participating in this life changing program.

One thing I've learned over the years of doing this work is that men need men. When good men band together, committed to helping each other become better husbands and fathers, great things happen.

Registration is now open for our next cohort for our men's small group coaching program, like the one Tony and Clinton just did. This 12-week program is limited to just 8-10 men, and it starts September 4. The program includes a comprehensive course and coaching to help you apply proven principles in your unique circumstances.

I'm absolutely certain this program is a good fit for you if you're in an otherwise healthy relationship, yet feel like something is missing when it comes to intimacy. You'll definitely uncover what's missing and witness a transformation in yourself over the 12 weeks we meet together. All of these details are here on my website.

By the way we also have an equivalent women's program starting in October, so check back for those details too.

Other Resources:

Get Your Marriage On Program

Intimately Us App

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

Retreat testimonial videos

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 Just about every couple deals with libido differences from time to time. It seems though, as couples approach middle age and begin to face the second half of their life, the differences in sexual desire, which may have been a back burner issue in the marriage up until that time, seem to become front and center.

It's the elephant in the room that the couple can no longer ignore. I am absolutely passionate about what I wanna share with you in today's episode. This is very important work that I've witnessed transform hundreds of couples sex lives for the better.

The sad truth is too many couples go through life with a subpar sex life. There's just too much poverty in the bedrooms and it's painful. Yet there are so many tools and resources available that if couples can just reach out and implement them and grab them. They can be so much better off than they are. Now I'm sharing a recording of a portion of a live training I did recently for today's episode.

I'm doing another updated live training on April 10th on the same topic, and you're invited to join me live.

Resources

March Madness

Episode with Keith and Lindsay

Couples Retreat

We recently experienced the loss of a family member very suddenly, a young mom with three children, and it has made me want to love and appreciate and cherish my wife more.

And so this set me out on a personal project to understand the concept of cherishing a little better.

This project has really changed me. It has changed me in my intimate interactions with my wife and with my children and with others. I've learned how to be a lot more present with them, less anxious.

And the way I make love to my wife has brought a different tone to our marriage.

It's more connecting, it's more real, it's more eyes open. There's a more genuine desire to be close to each other in our love making also.

To help me in my quest to better understand cherishing and what it means for me in my life and in my marriage, I've sought out a few mentors to help me and I've recorded our conversations. I've asked them just a simple question: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" And I just sat back and listened as these great teachers shared so many nuggets from their life experiences.

Because this topic has had such a big impact on me, and I didn't want you to miss any of it, I've decided to split this into two podcasts episodes.

In this episode, you'll get to hear from Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, Alana Martens (from Kingdom Sexuality), and Tony DiLorenzo (from One Extraordinary Marriage).

And in a special bonus episode on Monday, August 19, you'll get to hear part 2 from Tammy Hill, Danielle Savory, and Alex & Kadi Dutton (from EveryLove Intimates).

Takeaways

As you listen to what these wise people say . . .

♥️ I hope you'll listen with an open heart.

♥️ I hope it changes you as much as it changed me.

♥️ I hope this episode will inspire you to treat your spouse with a lot more appreciation and a lot more dignity.

♥️ I hope you'll find greater strength to look past the trivial barriers that get in the way of true connection.

♥️ I hope it motivates you to put down the phone more often and to actually gaze into your spouse's eyes.

♥️ I hope it motivates you to put your arm around him or her and hold them close, because you never know, today might be the last day you'll be together for a long time.

Resources:

Get Your Marriage On Program

Intimately Us App

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

Retreat testimonial videos

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

As you know, I love answering your questions all about sex, marriage, intimacy, and more. I recently had the opportunity to answer anonymous questions from my friend Hailey Reidhead's audience. Her listeners sent in questions which I was able to answer on her podcast, "She's a Lady," and Hailey allowed me to share it here with you.

In this episode, we're going to address these great questions such as the following:

• Does hormonal birth control affect libido even after you stop using it?
• How often are couples actually having sex every week?
• What to do when one spouse has a much bigger sex drive and it's hard to keep up (and then you feel guilty for not having sex as often as they want) and how it feels bad telling them no so much.
• How to spice up a long term marriage
• And more!

I believe building an intimate marriage is one of the most rewarding, most satisfying work we can experience in this life. I also believe strongly that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by husbands and wives and I encourage you to ask questions and seek answers about your sexual relationship. 

This is why my team and I have put together the new Get Your Marriage On Program. This program is designed for busy couples that want to fix the difficulties around sex and intimacy in their marriage for good. This program isn't about new positions or ways to spice things up. It's not superficial like that.

It's about going much, much deeper.

This program is ideal for anyone that is experiencing mismatched libidos, hang ups around intimacy, struggles with good girl or good boy syndrome, facing challenges from pornography use, or want help with communication. People in this program get real results. Check out the details on my website.

If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources:

Intimately Us App

How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 Have you ever received really bad marriage advice? 

Today I have the privilege of interviewing Kendra Nielson, a fellow marriage coach and therapist.

Together we address common pieces of marriage advice that often miss the mark, such as "Never go to bed angry," or "Always put your spouse first," and "Your spouse should be your best friend." And of course we reinterpret these peices of advice for healthier marriage relationships. Understanding this is crucial in order to have a healthy sexual relationship as well.

We just wrapped up our in-person couples retreat last weekend, and it was incredible! Seventeen couples from all over the United States and Canada joined us for four days of deep learning and connection. It was a great experience and I look forward to doing it again next year. So be sure to get on our waiting list. I hope you can be there too and have this experience with your spouse.  

Do you have a desire gap in your marriage? If you do, you're in good company. Just about every couple does. I'm going live on April 10th for a free webinar all about how to address the sexual desire gap in your marriage in a constructive, healthy way that makes your connection stronger instead of dividing you in your marriage.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

There’s a lot of anxiety in our culture around sexuality in general. And within the topic of understanding one’s sexuality, there’s even more cultural anxiety around masturbation.

I’ve personally had lots of questions around masturbation, and I’m glad to report that I’m not alone – I get many DMs on our Instagram and emails asking sincere questions about this sexual behavior.

I asked Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, one of my favorite marriage and sex experts, to share her insights on the topic. I learned so much from her! Instead of, “Is this particular sexual behavior ok?” there’s a better question to ask instead – which you’ll get to hear in this episode.

I also learned the value of self-definition for expanding one’s sexual agency, in other words, gaining your own testimony so-to-speak and committing to living your life with honesty and integrity to your highest and best values.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

March Couples Retreat Tickets: Intimately Us Couples Retreat

Have you ever wondered how do you talk to your kids about sex? Why does talking about sex with our kids feel awkward most of the time? What's the best approach to talk about dating relationships, our bodies, and everything in between? What about the hard topics? Well, if this has been on your mind, you're in for a treat today, as I am able to sit down with Tammy Hill. Tammy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an adjunct professor of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Today I want to talk about what to do when you want to want to have sex but you don’t feel in the mood for it yet. Although it would be nice to get in the mood, you know that it’s going to take time and energy to get there, and it’s tempting to just postpone sexy time to another time when you’ll have more energy. But when you think about scheduling sex, it feels like yet another thing to add to the to-do list. So there it goes again: sex feels like work rather than play, and it gets put on the back burner. Again. 

This episode covers reasons that couples struggle with play and foreplay, and then 7 actionable ways to add relaxed playfulness into your relationship and sexual encounters!

Remember that if you plan on building an exciting, intimate marriage that lasts a lifetime, it requires healthy doses of newness injected into your marriage regularly. We all go through seasons, but the best way to keep your sex life out of a rut is to keep things fresh and new. 

Some of the suggestions in this episode are going to take some effort to prepare. But even the preparation can be part of the fun! It builds anticipation!

Here are links to some of the resources discussed in today's episode:

• Episode 89, “Foreplay Throughout the Day”
• Intimately Us App
• Sheets and Ladders Game
• How to Have Shower Sex
• Slip & Slide Date Night Tutorial

 I am a big believer in play in the bedroom, and I'm excited that you'll get to join me in this conversation with Adam and Karissa King today. Adam and Karissa have a fun Instagram account called Dear Young, Married Couple. And that's how I first met them a few years ago.

And get this. They are both marriage counselors.

It's a husband and wife team and they are an absolute hoot as you'll get to hear today. I'm grateful we can talk about this topic today because I think all of us need a little boost of creativity and inspiration once in a while, especially when it comes to things in the bedroom, because we all need it to keep the passion alive.

News and Resources

Games mentioned in the episode: Sheets and Ladders, Sensation Card Deck

If you're in an otherwise happy marriage, but struggle to see eye to eye when it comes to sexual intimacy, I highly recommend you check out our upcoming couples retreat for next March (prices go up in the new year).

Check out our Get Your Marriage On Program. These programs are effective at helping you and your spouse communicate better about these things in a relationship and really move the needle in the positive direction.

Our first annual "Get-it-on-athon" is in full swing! Learn more about how to support a worthy couple's fertility journey as you come closer as a couple!

Are you struggling with how to explore your eroticism? Our new and improved Sexploration List can help! Rank your own preferences and desires in 13 different areas and explore and talk about those things together. You'll discover where your desires intersect and maybe get some ideas you both like, but have never thought of!

Intimately Us app - for couples who want to spice up their marriage, get new ideas, and learn how to love each other better.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

I have to say, Wow! I invited my listeners and readers to submit anonymous questions to me, and I've been blown away by the response. You have all asked some great questions! So this episode will be another session answering some of those questions that you've asked. Each day, the questions accumulate, and I don't think I'll ever be able to answer all of them on this podcast or my email newsletter, though I will do my best to be consistent on all those platforms. However, I would recommend that if you really desire to get your marriage and sex questions answered and get some help moving forward to moving that needle in your relationship, that you give my next level coaching program a try.

In this episode we discuss the following:

• What a husband should do to help his wife who hasn't been able to orgasm
• What a wife can do to help herself orgasm more often and enjoy the sexual experience with her husband more.
• A husband struggles with his self esteem because of his premature ejaculation.
• Different definitions of sex and getting over the idea that women "should" climax with penetration.
• How to deal with the affects of antidepressants on a sexual relationship.
• Why it's hard to be a higher desire spouse (but not necessarily a bad thing)

Other things to know:

In Next Level, which is a coaching program, not only are your questions answered, but we're there with you every step of the way to help you build a more intimate and joyful marriage. 

If you'd like to experience coaching, to see how it works, I'm offering a free coaching session on September 1st. Sign up here!

On August 16, I'll be hosting a workshop all about navigating differences in sexual desire. This is probably the most common issue couples have in their sexual relationship. So we'll be diving deep into how and why sexual differences happen and solutions for couples to overcome those differences and create greater connection and intimacy in the relationship.

We recently published a new digital product called the Ultimate Guide to Pleasing Your Husband, which is a companion to our previously published Ultimate Guide to Pleasing Your Wife. We also have several other guides and products on our website.

Lastly, as you make plans for the fall, why not schedule a weekend away for just the two of you? Better yet, why not make your getaway even more meaningful by attending our marriage retreat coming up in October in the Dallas Fort worth Texas area? These retreats are in depth and designed to challenge you as a couple while balancing it with fun and romance.

Join Dan on the podcast this week to discuss awakening your sexuality with Ruth Buezis. Together they discuss some common myths that people are taught about sex and how Christian culture surrounding sex can conflict with what the Bible actually says about it. 

Think about the qualities that make you successful in your career: working hard, being the first to show up and the last to leave, and being an achiever. Sometimes very capable and successful people have a hard time in their intimate relationships. 

What if the same qualities that translate to success in one’s career or workplace actually work against you in your intimate relationship?

Rhonda Farr is a certified Life Coach and works with high achievers on their intimate relationships. I got a lot out of this interview and there was a lot I could relate to. I suppose there are many parts that you’ll relate to as well.

There's something magical about setting aside three to four days away with your spouse, where you can relax and have fun and enjoy working on aspects of your relationship that are going to give you a big boost and forward momentum.

And our Get Your Marriage On! retreat next March could be just the thing to help renew and revitalize your marriage like it did for the past attendees you'll hear from in this episode.

Find out more about what is included, what the retreat is like, and most importantly, the results for the couples who have come in the past. (Hint: they were transformative!)

I hope you'll join us in March 2024 for this life-changing experience! Get all the details here: https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

Normal people have marriage problems. In this episode, I'll introduce to you my three-stage framework to take your marriage and sex life to the NEXT LEVEL! This is something I'm passionate about. I hope you learn something new!

This week Dan talks with sexpert Danielle Savory a trained neuroscientist and mindfulness coach. They discuss why people unintentionally settle for mediocre sex.  Danielle shares some of her expertise on how to increase your mental awareness in the bedroom to enhance pleasure during sex.

Like many other men, I’ve probably said to my wife maybe once or twice, “I’m always in the mood for sex!” or “Whenever you want it, I’m ready!” Just kidding, I’ve probably said something like that hundreds of times.

But I know there are exceptions to “always” being in the mood. In fact, when I’m really honest, there are many times I’m not in the mood. And my wife is even more puzzled when she’s in the mood and I’m not.

We’re socialized to think that men should have the higher sexual desire in long term marriages, but “the stereotypical masculine approach to sexual desire is working against heterosexual couples’ intimate relationships, and it’s getting in the way of good sex.”

Today's guest is Dr. Sarah Hunter Murray, a sex researcher and therapist who has studied male sexual desire. I’ve read her book, “Not Always In The Mood,” and I look forward to sharing this interview with you.

For more great content like this, check out the following resources:

Next Level waiting list: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-level/

Website: getyourmarriageon.com

Instagram: @getyourmarriageon

Fun and sexy app for married couples: Intimately Us

March Couples Retreat Tickets: Intimately Us Couples Retreat

It’s normal to seek validation from our spouse in marriage. By validation I mean to get a sense of our legitimacy as a person and a spouse, such as being told we’re sexy enough, pretty enough, and desirable. And it’s normal to seek that validation.

But what do you do when you don’t feel it? What do you do when you feel like your spouse isn’t interested in you romantically or sexually? What about those times you don’t feel cherished or respected? 

If you’re hoping to feel inspired today, you’ve come to the right place. Jessica shares how she grew more solid within herself in her circumstances and as a result has found great strength, even in her darkest moments. I think there’s something wonderful in her message for everyone to hear! Jessica is a devoted Christian, is married to her sweetheart for over 17 years, and has four children. 

Let’s get one thing out of the way first — dirty talk isn’t dirty. It’s actually an intimate form of communication to let your spouse into your heart and mind. It’s a way to express the erotic part of you with your lover. It’s about using your words to arouse.

The nice thing about married sex is that it’s a place you can go where things don’t have to be so cleaned up. You can be less formal with each other and use language with each other you wouldn’t use in another context – creating more arousal, intimacy and excitement.

If “talking dirty” (and I put that in air quotes) is something you’ve always found awkward or have no idea where to start, you’re in for a treat! This episode with Melanie Studley will hopefully help you and your lover discover a new way to draw closer together and have some sexy fun!

For more information, check out our tasteful, comprehensive, step-by-step guide to increase connection with your spouse through erotic conversations, or "dirty talk." This 40-page guide has something for both brand new, hesitant sexy talkers and those who may be a little more experienced. Use the included worksheets and game suggestions to explore new vocabulary and increase the connection, passion, and fun in your marriage!

Many of you are in a similar phase of life as we are: raising young children and teenagers, and possibly thinking about having another baby. Conception is an incredible miracle because there are so many moving parts to making it work (no pun intended). 

I had the privilege of meeting with a world-famous fertility doctor, Dr. Allison Rodgers a OB/GYN and Reproductive Endocrinologist. and I’m so happy you get to listen to part of what I learned.

Welcome to our second Sextember episode!

For this month, every episode will be filled with ideas to add more spice and excitement to your bedroom as part of our Sextember series. Last week, my guest, Tammy Camp, and I talked about flirting and initiating. So today we're going to build on that and talk about another spicy and exciting topic: putting the play back in foreplay!

Foreplay in my opinion is the best part of an intimate encounter. Foreplay is how you set the stage for how intimate and connecting the experience is going to be.  

And by the end of this episode, you'll learn the grand key to unlock amazing foreplay in your marriage. 

And it's something anybody can do. We'll give you specific tips and ideas as well. I'll also address some questions that you listeners have sent in anonymously about foreplay.  

I'm joined by Amy Langford, a certified marriage and intimacy coach that works with me in my Get Your Marriage On program. She's been married for over 25 years to her husband, Greg, has four children and one son-in-law, and is passionate about helping couples uplevel their marriage.

Resources:

Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!)

Women's Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October)

FREE TRAINING: How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Anonymous Question Submission

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach & Intimacy Coach that helps conservative Christian women embrace their sexuality and love their sex life for themselves. In short, she's an expert at helping individuals identify and overcome limiting beliefs so that they can live with more joy.

We cover topics such as:

• How limiting beliefs affect ourselves, our potential, our sexual and spiritual capacities, and other areas of our life
  
  
• How we can identify what our limiting beliefs are
  
  
• The link between living a life of integrity & being honest with ourselves and our spouse and the capacity for deeper intimacy
  
• How limiting beliefs sometimes get in the way of sexual desire in relationships
  
  
• How couples co-construct each other’s limiting beliefs over time in their marriage, keeping both people in the marriage stuck
  
  
• What mistakes higher desire spouses tend to make, and what mistakes do lower desire spouses tend to make, and how to escape your destructive cycles
  
  
• Amanda isn't afraid to tackle controversial sexual topics, such as masturbation, toys, anal sex, and the like. We discuss why it's important for individuals to think about the meanings they associate with sex, and to discover for themselves what they feel is right for them and their marriage.
  
  
• How to best approach your spouse about something sexual you’re interested in doing together, but are unsure if they’ll respond positively. We discuss tips on how to best handle those hard conversations.
  
  
• And Amanda's black belt sex tips!

For more information about Amanda Louder, check out https://www.amandalouder.com.

Being bored in marriage is totally preventable but it does take some work. Communicating your needs and wants is vital to marriages. Geoff Steurer, a Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist, teaches us how intimacy plays a role in healing from an affair and creating a happy marriage.

I love helping couples through Get Your Marriage On to help them through challenges, to overcome issues in intimacy, and to walk away with feeling like they have a brand new lease on their marriage and realizing how much joy and fun that a good sexual relationship can bring.

And one such couple is who I have on my podcast today: Jennifer and Jeff (names have been changed). They've been very generous and vulnerable to share their experience with their marriage journey with you.

Some things to listen for:

• Oftentimes the challenges we face in marriage are because we don't want to look at the truth of something.
• We often try to manage people--sometimes it's through beating a person down or sometimes we feel like we're doing it out of love, but either way is self-serving.
• How to develop better emotional connection (even if you've been married a long time)

I hope this episode inspires you to look a little bit deeper within your heart and to build a stronger emotional and intimate connection with your spouse. This is a special episode and I'm grateful you get to hear it.

News and Resources

Free Live training on April 10th 

March Madness Fun

Intimately Us App

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Today’s podcast is for the husbands out there that want to make sex great. There’s far more to just the mechanics and geometry of sex to being a good lover. There’s romance, creating exciting erotic contexts, sharing mental loads, and much more that go into making love with not just your body but your heart too. 

This might just be my experience as a man, but we men don’t get as much helpful education on how to be a good lover. So I’m excited to have Keith Gregoire along with his wife Sheila, author of The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. I’ve read this book and it’s excellent. Keith and Sheila have been writing about sex in marriage for 10 years, and is respected for her approachable easy-to-relate to, and humorous style towards improving sex in marriage.

Be sure to listen to the very end because I’m giving away copies of their books, The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex and revamped The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. Those details are after our interview.

A few years ago, I was sitting around a campfire with other dads, hearing their stories of exciting trips and getaways they've been on with their wives. I was depressed, thinking, "woe is me!" With 6 young kids, and on a budget, all I could think of was reasons why I would never be able to enjoy that kind of an experience.

Fast forward six months later, I was sitting on a beautiful beach in Florida with my wife, just the two of us, enjoying one of the most intimate and romantic moments of our marriage up until that point.

We had experienced a miracle in our marriage. 

Miracles happen, and 2022 can be the year you experience more of them in your life. 

One of the most often-repeated themes in the New Testament is "ask and ye shall receive." In one way or another, that theme is expressed 100 times!

God is a giver of good gifts. He wants to bless us with good things and experiences that give us growth, joy, and hope.

We invite God to help us by identifying clearly our goals, creating a vision, asking, and living with gratitude for everything we receive, both the good and the bad.

It's up to us to desire, ask, work for, and be grateful for the kind of marriage we want. You can have a smoking hot sex life as you put this process to work in your life.

We recently hit a major milestone with this podcast: 1 million downloads! Thank you for your support!

Let's be honest here. Initiating sex is not easy at all. We want the other person to take charge and initiate, right? We worry, how are we going to be received? There's also so much of ourselves wrapped up in what it means to initiate, or not initiate, sex. And past experiences tend to influence our reluctance to initiate as well. Yet, the reality is if one of you doesn't initiate sex, sex is never going to happen in your relationship. 

So why is initiating sex so hard? What are some common reasons why people, me included, struggle to initiate sex sometimes? How do we get better at this very intimate act of bidding for sexual connection?

I've been pondering these questions lately, and I'm grateful to meet up with James Christiansen, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Roseville, California. You'll quickly find out that he has a brilliant sharp mind and quickly cuts right to the heart of the matter.  

And this episode, we're going to talk about what's at the heart of initiating sex, because it gets a lot deeper than what you're probably thinking. And by the end of this episode, hopefully you'll take more courageous action to cherish your spouse more than before.   

Links referenced in the episode:

⬇️ Download the Intimately Us and get in on the Sextimacy Challenge before it's over!

🌟 Get info on the DIY Boudoir Date Night Box

🙋 Snag the last spot at our couples retreat coming up in just 5 weeks!

In this episode, we're going to be talking about making penetration pleasurable, a how to make intercourse amazing, and how to close the orgasm chasm in your marriage, as well as some specific techniques on how to make sex with your spouse sweeter and more worthwhile. 

I love doing episodes like this because I learn a lot about how to make sex fun and meaningful in my own marriage.

I'm reminded though that great sex is far more of a matter of the heart than it is about performance. I met Susan Bratton a year ago when we both shared the stage on Monica Tanner's intimacy summit. Susan is a woman in her sixties having sex like she's in her twenties. She's a gifted speaker and educator about sex and she covers a lot of material. I love how she helps me see what's possible for my wife and me in our own marriage bed.

If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources:

Intimately Us App

How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

For many individuals, myself included, intercourse can feel very pleasurable. Couples can find deep meaning through intercourse as well: feeling intimate, personal, sweet, and bonding. 

However, intercourse isn’t always fireworks for both people. And how can you make intercourse better for both people? 

That’s what we want to talk about in today’s episode! I learned a lot from this episode and I hope you do too!

Ruth Buezis is a gifted educator that has taught thousands of people how to improve their sex lives from a Christian perspective. She was a guest on this podcast last year (see episode #17) and I’ve invited her back to teach us more about how to make intercourse amazing!

We all experience times of loss and grief. I received an excellent question from a listener in regards to this:

"My wife and I are grieving due to loss and it is something we are trusting God with and through but this is an odd space to be in to think about or bring up sex. I know things need to look different but help to navigate this would be helpful. Can you do a podcast episode or a blog or something on how to think about intimacy while walking through grief?"

So today's podcast is going to do just that!

I reached out to Cecilie Ott, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist that specializes in helping individuals and families deal with times of loss. I learned a lot from her teaching and I hope this helps you whoever this episode was meant for.

I get asked frequently about what to do when you (or your husband) comes too quickly during sex, or has premature ejaculation.  I wanted to do an in-depth episode on this topic to address the many questions that we have because frankly, sex isn't that enjoyable when it's over too quick or you just don't last as long as you'd like to. Even if this is something you don't deal with right now in your marriage, the information in this episode will teach you how to keep your sexual health in tip top shape for your marriage.  

My guest today is Mark Goldberg. He is a sex therapist out of Maryland that specializes in common male sexual dysfunction issues, such as premature ejaculation. You can get more information about overcoming sexual dysfunctions on his website: erectionIQ.com

If you've enjoyed this episode, you might like these resources:

Intimately Us App

How to Become One: Overcoming obstacles to intimacy and significantly improving sex and connection in your marriage, in 90 days or less

Next Level Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, July 12-13

Couples Retreat in St. George, UT, October 10-13

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.