Embodying your Sexuality P1 & P2, Episode 160 & Episode 161.

"Save sex for marriage". A wise piece of advice. But because I didn't learn anything about it's value, I just assumed it was nasty. 

But I never learned about my Ressa. Why your Ressa needed to be reframed and renamed:  Ressa = Receiving him into your Essence 

(Feel free to keep the name you feel most comfortable with. However, I don't feel comfortable using the words publicly on this show, that to me either evoke negative/pornographic connotations or are medical terms that don't include all the areas and don't capture the radiance of your essence.) 

We as Christian women often don't respect it or honor it as wonderful good. 

A lot of negative and embarrassing things happened while learning how to grow up with a Ressa. You may have a negative view of it just because of the way you grew up.

• Episode 110 Luke Gilkerson how to raise healthy sexual kids.

Is it awkward to consider God coming into the room with your husband and you making love? He's not surprised.

God made it all. He made it to be filled with blood and become sensitive when its touched. 

Embracing the fullness of your Ressa is foundational for you to walk in pleasure in your intimacy. For you to relax and receive him into your essence. Next week builds upon this one, so be sure to do your homework! 

176-Body P5: Value Touch

Have you ever not done something because of fear?

Have you ever done something that felt right at the time, but you were riddled with fear and anxiety later?  

Have you ever felt you had more potential than you were living into?

Welcome to human nature. 

But is that what he should do? 

Is that living according to our fears or God's will and His way? 

I don't think so. 

Instead, the Bible says it's impossible to please God without faith. (Heb 11:6)

You might wonder: 

Is it required to have faith for your marriage to change?

YES.

Even Jesus could do no mighty miracles in his hometown because of their lack of faith. (Mark 6:6)

Does it mean He will most certainly change your marriage and make you not go through suffering because you have faith? Well, we can look at John the Baptist to see that even if you have faith it's not a guarantee that God will pull you out of the hard situation and cause a miracle.

However, the woman with the issue of blood had suffered terribly for over a decade. 

She could have allowed her heart to grow calloused toward God and assume He doesn't care. 

She could have decided things will never change. 

She could have resigned herself to a life that would never get better. 

But she didn't, she stretched, she pushed through the crowd, she resisted anything that would try to discourage her faith...

and by faith, she touched the hem of His garment, believing He could heal her. 

And He did. 

"Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” (Mtt 9:22) 

I want to ask you, when... 

When will it matter enough? 

When will choosing to notice that God is here wanting to restore, redeem, heal matter enough to you? 

When will you see Jesus walking by and reach out in faith? 

Resist the enemy's...

Fear of being judged. 

Fear of loss. 

Fear of looking silly. 

Fear of being perceived a fool. 

Fear of change. 

Fear of responsibility. 

Fear of taking ownership. 

Fear of pain.

I invite you to stand up and choose faith. 

Stand up in faith. Reach for His garment. Do not be offended by His response but stay, stay, stay in faith as He might want to do a miracle that you (by your fear) are blocking. 

Choose the faith of freedom, hope, joy, love, connection, unity, healing... 

Live into the potential life He may be inviting you into.

Listen in today: Faith or Fear: When Will It Matter Enough to You?

Love,

Belah

PS - Marital Health Assessment is a free tool to discover where you are currently in your marriage and to give you a vision of what areas you may be missing and need to gain insight. It also provides free episodes that are uniquely selected for your situation. delightyourmarriage.com/health

PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage through Christ-centered personal growth... we're here for you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

We'd love to help. 

Quote from a recent graduate heading for divorce:

“Delight Your Marriage saved my marriage. It has changed the course of all four of my kids lives. There is now peace in our home and friendship between me and my husband. Without this program I do not think we would have gotten here. I was too stubborn and too hurt. 

Belah’s teaching were humbling and eye opening to the ways I had repeatedly damaged my husband and the areas I had fallen short as a wife. Both of us have now gone through the program now and I know it was the push we needed to mature and build solid ground for the rest of our marriage.”

Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Wanda Collins of Christian Marriage Today. Wanda takes us in to the brighter side of her marriage and shares with the us the chief ingredients that have made her marriage bloom and grow. Listen in as she gives encouraging advice to women who are in doubt and continue to entertain negative thoughts. This is for you! At the the end of the episode, Wanda delivers a powerful prayer that will definitely touch your hearts! I know it touched mine. Join us and be inspired.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/43

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/42

Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar

This was originally published a while back--but we highly recommend you listen again as you're praying through and discerning what God has for you in the new season of 2023.

…

I love New Years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though, practically speaking, it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates.

But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will. 

So, that's what today's podcast is about--becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days…which lead to weeks…which lead to years, and then decades.

We must be cautious about how we spend our time and spend it in priority to God's will. 

I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live. 

I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move toward it more and more everyday. 

I think you'll love the conversation and I look forward to hearing from you!

Blessings,

Belah

PS If you'd like the free resource I mentioned to help you understand how to love your spouse the way they are craving, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework

PPS If you’d like help in your marriage, you are invited to schedule a free Clarity Call here. This call is invaluable in helping you to examine and evaluate where you currently are in your marriage and whether or not our courses could be helpful to you.

From a Clarity Call participant who decided not to take the course(s)::

“Thank you and thanks for your guys' help. I honestly couldn't have done it without the help of the podcast and just our talk opens my eyes up to what God wants for me and what direction and guidance he is showing me so thank you so so much!”

Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety?

I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety. 

And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about. 

Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey. 

I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you!

Belah

PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently: 

This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team.

They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.

This programme is about sex but so much more. If a person engages and does the work it will be deeply transformational. This may not be in the way they expect...

I wish I had this programme just before and in the early years of our marriage.

(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!)

--

I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit. 

If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and what it took to get the blinders off for me. 

And then not only removing your blinders, but then what is your next step after becoming clear on what’s really going on in your marriage. And then to make wise action towards what I believe can completely transform him. 

This is the beginning of a series of DYM shows on abuse. There’s many different levels, categories and types of abuse towards women in many aspects of life. I want to help a woman who is currently in an abusive situation to think through the really difficult areas to walk the hard strategic road to recovery that I believe is possible.

Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or social worker and I cannot provide that “professional” guidance. But this is what I have learned through my story and the suffering I went through and what I have helped some of my coaching clients out of. 

Regardless of my credentials, we need to be helping women in this extremely common and devastating arena. 

—
The resource I referenced about getting support around domestic violence and abuse is www.nomore.org 

With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives.

Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action.

My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me!

When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator.

When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes.

Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive.

This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage.

None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home.

But right now, God has given us our spouse as the most important human relationship and I hope you honor it as such.

On today's show I cover:
-The 3 things men need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-The 3 things women need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-This Framework is what men and women need to understand to love each other the way the other receives love (hint: it's different for each spouse)
-What I wish I had known about sexual intimacy in my first marriage
-Why we are more respectful to strangers than our own life partner

If you are new to the Delight Your Marriage philosophies, this is a really good introduction. If you've been around for a while "repetition is the mother of learning" so I encourage you to take these insights too!

Find a deeper understanding of the Framework here!

Love & blessings,
Belah

PS - I'd love to invite you to send this to a friend if they're facing marriage challenges right now, this could save their marriage.

Is it true?
Are you sure it’s true?

How often do we ask these questions when an anxious thought comes to our mind?
Too often we allow ourselves to assume a thought is true and allow the anxiety to drive us to choices we don't want to make. 

Anxiety is fear. Stress is masked fear. And controlling or mothering behavior... yep... it's also fear.

The Bible is crystal clear: Do not fear. Be anxious for nothing.

If you want to break free from this snare, it starts with 1) calming your physical body 2) investigating the mental tapes playing in your mind.

What anxious thoughts have you allowed to run your life?
‘I’m not good enough’ 'I'm a failure as a husband' "My husband doesn't love me" 

Whatever it is, I challenge you to investigate those thoughts.
Get curious about your anxiety.

When you work on acknowledging and understand your fears, you build the resilience needed to face them, biblically. It’s not about denying the struggle; it’s about leaning in and clarifying what is actually going on. 

This is a technique adapted from Byron Katie, and it is a series of questions you ask yourself. 

A - What mental tape am I repeating?
B - Is it true?
C - Am I absolutely sure it’s true? 

There are a couple more steps we talk through in the podcast, which I'm very excited for you to listen to! 

May God give you grace to walk in His abundant peace and comfort. 

Love,
Belah and Team

PS - If you want help rewriting that mental tape and want help getting rooted in the truth of Scripture and your marriage, we would love to talk to you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

“[Some of my] quick fire celebrations:
-The peace God has bestowed upon my marriage, life, house, and children since walking through this course
-The new refreshed hope I have in Jesus
-Praying and reading my Bible and actually getting together with people who love and believe in Jesus. I was repulsed by Christians for a while but I now see value in community after doing this course. 
-The way I’ve grown to know what God thinks about marriage and life in general. He actually wants to make it easy and wants to help us not make us work hard or struggle like slaves for the sake of marriage. HE REALLY IS GOOD.”

She and her husband teach a class to help husbands understand how to love their wife better.

Here's her practical advice for men in the bedroom. Ruth Buezis helps men understand women's hearts and their bodies and how those interact.

Generally men are expected to be experts in the sex department, but there's so much misinformation and inappropriate stereotypes.

She says that men really do want to know what to do.

She compares the specific equipment of men's bodies with the female genitalia and shares the parallels in sensation and how to use them.

See all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/131

Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Dr. Sandra Glahn of aspire2.com. On this episode, she talks about her own marriage and the difficulties she face, as well as how she handled these problems. Dr. Glahn discusses about the theological bases of marriages and how everyone’s belief can be skewed at times. She tells us what exactly marriage means---to you, to me, and to God Himself. Join us on this eye-opening and inspiring episode today!

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/49

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/48

When I look back on my life — when I see what is currently unseen — when I see Jesus face to face — when all has been revealed…

I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me. 

In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)

He FEEDS the birds. 

I was observing birds yesterday in the park. 

There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that. 

And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds! 

He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through. 

And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.

He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good. 

There is SO much you (and I) cannot see. 

He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.

But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life — it allows you to see the suffering better.

You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.

In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering. 

Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.

God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse. 

He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly “safe relationship” – your marriage.

He cares about the lack of intimacy. 

He cares about the lack of warmth. 

He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have. 

He cares. 

And IN THIS He is good.

If we only knew how much He truly loved you… 

He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes. 

Remember…

Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts. 

We do NOT have to understand.

We DO have to trust His goodness. 

That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to. 

It means He causes my son to smile at me. 

It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset. 

It means that He not only knit me together in my mother’s womb for 9 to 10 months…

But He didn’t stop.

He is still in me.

He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me. 

EVERY good gift is from Him.

Even the ones I don’t take time to notice. 

When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day. 

If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering… He is still good. 

If we only knew His love. 

If we only knew His love. 

If we only knew His love. 

May you know the love of Christ. 

May I know it, too.

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call.

PPS When a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) was asked:

Do you recommend MR? 

"I do far more than recommend it, I advocate for it and fortunately one couple has joined both MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] and DW [Delighted Wife] as a result. Why - because MR is filled with lots of explanations of what and why things need to occur, but it's also very heavy on HOW to do things, which is missing from all other marriage content out there. Plus, Belah's insight is extraordinary. When she was describing in podcasts about why men enjoy oral sex I stopped and remarked to myself, that's 1000% correct. I never thought about it, but she's 1000% correct. So the degree to which Belah has insight and understanding into the male and female psyches is extraordinary. 

Massively improved our marriage. Brought me closer to God. Helped me see my wife in an entirely different way. Set us on a path to healing. Facilitate mind-blowing, real-deal sexual intimacy (aka wholehearted sexual intimacy) and helped me get better at being vulnerable, sharing my vulnerability, and be more sensitized to when my wife is being vulnerable. With more time I can easily think of more things.

I never once questioned if what I spent on MR was worth it, because without question it was."

Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with J Parker of hotholyhumorous.com. On this episode, she talks more about opening up oneself to intimacy. She tells us to awaken love within us, so that we may be able to enjoy sex more. J also gives out tips on how to increase pleasure during sex. She stresses the importance of speaking up and asking for what you want and need during lovemaking, but that’s just the beginning of her sizzling advice!

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/65

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/064

Check out my video series How To Spice Up The Bedroom!

Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question. 

However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me. 

So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode

-humility

-the horrific humiliation of the cross 

-how that makes us more surrendered followers

-the necessity of solitude

-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough

-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to. 

May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be. 

Blessings,

Belah

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!

We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”

A quote from a course graduate: “Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.”

Questions Discussed:

• Is it helpful to fantasize about others?
• How to get turned on
• How to have an orgasm
• Female erections
• How to rekindle your attraction
• How to get turned on even if you don't "like" him right now
• How you can be turned on by him 
  • What he can do
  • What you can do

• Check out this episode's show notes with links

--------

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So, I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!

Check out The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

• The 3 Components of Seduction
• Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
• Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
• Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
• All Steamy AND Sacred

Dads,

When it comes to fatherhood, do you feel at times like you don't know what you're doing? 

At times, does the chaos and frustration of it all feel like you're left to solve a very difficult puzzle without directions?

Dr. Don is here to tell you, "Every dad CAN win".

He's been there.

His wife, the "Relationship Ninja", Suzanne wants you to know that you are handpicked by God for  this. 

For fatherhood. 

For your children.

You can do this.

Early on in his family life, Don felt like parenting was more like solving a Rubix cube with no instructions.

Over the years of raising a family of 7 kids and gaining insights from other experts, they've discovered family comes down to 2 words: 

a- relationships 

and 

b- culture 

Don says, if you build your family right on the inside, then you can tackle anything that happens on the outside.

They invite you to constantly ask the question: How can I connect to my child today? Words, time, & creating experiences and memories are all examples of how to connect.

I specifically love when Suzanne says as parents, our goal is to take our kids from being parent-controlled to self-controlled.

She also shares how wives can encourage their husbands in the midst. 

Seriously, gents, you can win at fatherhood. Even if you didn't have a role model. And even if--like the Rangers (TX MLB not NY NHL :)--maybe your track record hasn't been great... it is possible to still win! 

Seriously though...

You can be a good father.

It really is not too late.

Don is opening an opportunity for you in the new year for fathers to learn how to do just that for free. Just email him dads@crazycoolfamily.com to find out more. 

Their many resources, podcasts, and courses can be found at crazycoolfamily.com 

I hope this message will encourage you to keep fighting to win!

Love, 
Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage. Maybe that has felt like it is the thing holding you back from working on your fatherhood.

We'd love to get you to the other side and really enjoy peace and joy in your marriage, thus empowering your kids! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call to discover your first step in marriage healing. 

Recent graduate wrote: 

Before men's program... "this inability caused me to be concerned about our future and caused me to feel like I was alone... There were so many needs and desires that would go unmet, that I struggled to be holy and joyful.

After men's program... "Too many [celebrations] to recount here! In summary, she has made the most intimate bids for connection with me over the last weeks than I can remember! These have been both sexual and non-sexual.

My biggest celebration could be that I feel loved and desired by my wife again, and that is so fun and empowering for life on a mission!"

Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can help you have that story too!

If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage. 

"But that's not normal."

"But that's not healthy."

"But that means someone is not being honest."

Well, firstly, it's not my rule. 

Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..." 

"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...”

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"

--

Let's not take God's kindness for granted.

Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance.  Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.

--

I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences? 

Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?

YES. 

But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship. 

There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.

Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity. 

It matters how healthy your marriage is right now. 

Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.

I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share. 

May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship. 

Love, 

Belah

PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health

PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client Testimonial:

Before MR: “The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.

My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick. 

Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her.”

After MR:  “I have grown to love my wife.

I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I’d hoped and prayed for but wasn’t sure I was worthy of the help. And I’m not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference. 

We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together.”

Hello everyone!

I hope you all have had a good week so far! For today’s podcast, we are doing something a little different!

I wanted to give you an inside look on what a Coaching Call with us is like. Confidentiality is of the utmost importance to us, so you won’t hear any names or any confidential information, but you will get to hear some of my coaching and some good truths being shared. We wanted to give you an example of what it would look like to be on a Coaching Call with myself and a few of your fellow peers.

Based on the men's questions, we cover a few important insights directed at men specifically:

1. Embrace humility in your identity as a believer.

2. Pursue sexual purity and healing.

3. Stay connected—accountability is a choice.

4. Lead your wife with courage; it’s what she desires.

5. Guide your family spiritually with practical ideas and encouragement.

If you are wanting encouragement, coaching, and want to seek out Truth and encouragement for your marriage, we hope you’ll consider joining the program and being part of a company of men running together to achieve the prize and gaining a wonderful and healed marriage and intimacy in the process...

We want you to know:

Change is possible. Healing is possible. And God loves you.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you want more information on how to be a part of a Coaching Program like this, here's your next step: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote of a recent graduate's favorite celebrations from the program:

“Where do I begin? I have my wife back.  We are having fun again. I almost feel like we are newlyweds again, but this time it is even better now after 28 years of marriage than it ever was.  My wife feels safe with me. I'm loving her the way she receives love and she's loving me back wholeheartedly physically intimately towards me. No more duty sex. YEAH!!

She is pursuing her own pleasure too. She is frequently initiating to be intimate with me. She is flirting with me and she even did a tap dance saying how good it was the other day after we made love. I am holding back the tears as I am writing this. I will come back to this in a bit. Ok. I'm back. I have a heart filled with gratitude.

She even grabbed me as I was leaving the house today. She has never done that before. I think she is starting to crave my touch and now she likes to snuggle next to me. All of these celebrations while at the same time my wife is walking one of the  most difficult seasons of her life... As I am writing this, she just sent me the most amazing text. I feel like I couldn't even come up with this if I had to. God is so so so good!!!!”

Are you exhausted from the fight? The struggle? The resist and then fail? Then try, then fail, then good, then fail, then try again, then fail...

Maybe you have a few good days, weeks even months...

But it's lurking in the background.

Waiting to take you down again. And who knows how long you'll be down this time. Maybe it'll be just this once... maybe you'll be down forever.

Maybe you'll never get back out.

Maybe you'll never be the man God has called you to be. Truly.

Maybe you'll squander the life He gave you... 

And no one knows. And the ones that do, don't understand.

Men.

I honor you.

In your suffering. 

I hear you. 

I hear you.

I hear you.

You are not alone.

And there is hope. 

And there is a way out. 

It's Good Friday tomorrow. And you know the story. And you know the ending. And you know what happens. And you sing the songs. And you attend the service. And you have heard it all -- maybe you even conduct the service. And you know the stuff -- maybe you've memorized it. You teach it to others. And you believe it. And you're even grateful. 

Good.

That's really good.

Really good.

And I want to invite you...

There is a way out of your prison of shame.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Seriously. There is a way out.

You  may not realize that you're keeping yourself from him emotionally pains your husband. 

Listen in to this except of Delight Your Husband by Belah Rose.

This was meant to be a light & encouraging holiday podcast episode. 

Then, it turned into a heavy and warning-type episode. 

You'll be around souls this holiday. 

Souls, that maybe you don't feel fully at peace with.

Souls, that maybe you have been wronged by.

Souls, that maybe you still feel the sting of the pain they inflicted on you.

This is spoken for no specific person...except, definitely for me.

Also, maybe for all of those I work with.

And maybe every person who has ever told me about their marriage struggles.

And maybe everyone else I know, too.

So, yeah... take this one personally.

May God stir His truth in you.

This is the good news:

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

This is the terrifying truth...

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 

Jesus said this in the gospel of Matthew 6:15 (NIV).

Here's the deal...

I follow Jesus and need Him to save me. I NEED him to forgive me.

And according to that verse, if I don't forgive others... I have no hope of eternal salvation. 

May that sober us up this holiday to forgive every person, every single one.

So, I needed to hear this.

And, I NEED to live this in EVERY single relationship. 

It's a command. I needed to be reminded of it. I hope you did, too.

Love you with great love -- in courage and integrity,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like to see what more God wants to do in your marriage, sign up for a free Clarity Call delightyourmarriage.com/cc

What You Will Discover:

• How seduction can be so fun and exciting in your marriage-bed.
• The specific steps of seduction and how you can apply it to your intimacy.
• What seduction what means to him (compared to being in the dark with the lights off).
• Why intimacy can feel so much better when you're having an active role. 
• How to have confidence in the bedroom.

Watch the free 1st video of the DYH video course, here. 

Find all the resources mentioned at delightyourmarriage.com/111

I have been a wife that thought sex was mostly for the man. And I had to go through a process to change that.

Chris' story is a lot like mine in that respect.

Today she dives deep into why wives can get in this rut and the season she went through to get out. 

What You'll Discover:

• The journey from a reluctant wife to someone who is released in passion

• Belah's thought process that make you go from
  • a-not wanting to make love tonight, to
  • b-being turned on and ready to go

•  The stages Chris went through to become a wife who enjoys sex for her own enjoyment

• Considering what you want your marriage to be like eventually, the advice she would give herself if she could.

delightyourmarriage.com

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I'm doing a solo show and I'll be talking about sex, as we often do. How much sex is enough? On this episode, I talk about the purpose of sex, the difference in perception of sex in men and women, and how to care for your spouse's desires. I also share about the effects of the absence of sex in my own life due to some recent medical issues, which made me realize how sexual intimacy is a deeper, more emotional experience for our husbands.

Sign up for my upcoming FREE webinar Specifics of Amazing Peni: Master the Four Stages and the Mindset for an Amazing Experience by going to www.delightyourmarriage.com/webinar

The new year is just about upon us! But how are you prepping for it? How are you making sure you're growing in the ways God wants you to?

In this podcast, I invite you to think about the ways God may be asking you to reflect on the year you've had. I encourage you to have a pen and paper handy so you can jot down what comes up for you. 

Why is this a difficult task? I discuss the 3 reasons people don't reflect, but then the way it's vitally important if we're going to be the people God wants us to become. 

Don't go through a difficult season and NOT learn the lessons He wants you to. You'll just be doomed to repeat that same sad, painful situation. 

But when you reflect effectively, it gives you hope, peace and faith that God is going to guide you in the next season as well. 

When you go through this exercise you'll be able to know how you should focus for the new year. I encourage you to spend the time before the new year focusing on what He wants you to. 

With that in mind, I'll be taking 3 weeks off from the podcast so I can focus and listen and plan for 2020. During this time I hope you'll prep yourself for the new year (feel free to relisten to podcasts you may have missed or wanted to listen to again!). 

I'll speak with you in the New Year! Merry Christmas and God bless!

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie

This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!

In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.

He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.

Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.

You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!

We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!

You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!

delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.

We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you’re looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha’s journey might be just what you need to hear today.

Dasha's Marriage Story

Dasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy.

Her Husband's Transformation

But instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage’s program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage.

At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they’d tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods “revealed” problems—they didn’t heal them.

This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren’t just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband.

When she realized these changes weren’t going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey.

Dasha's Marriage Transformation

Through the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun!

And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home.

A Marriage (and Home) Full of Fun

We are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it’s going.

It is possible to have a marriage that’s stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun.

We’re rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way!

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: delightym.com/cc

PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program:

“My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I’ve learned to see my husband through God’s eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved.”

Sexless + Controlling = miserable husband

Sex-Full + Controlling = miserable husband

Sexless + Non Controlling = miserable husband

Sadly, sexless or controlling or both are the biggest problems I see. And this is what I hear from husbands that are desperate for change. I want to help you!

JFYI My husband said this is one of the best podcasts ever---he has only said that 1 other time (!) so I hope this is one that is helpful for you.

I talk about foundational truths about men and women that I don't hear people shouting from the rooftops---but they should be! Learn how to strategically change what is going on in your marriage!

Sadly, sexless or controlling or both are the biggest problems I see. And this is what I hear from husbands that I work with. I want to help you!

1)

Come on my free webinar TOMORROW, Friday, May 24, 2019 at 7:30pm EST:

The 7 Blocks to Her Libido: Remove these for generous intimacy in your marriage

Sign up www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks

----

2)

I used to be a CONTROLLING wife. And there was a ton of tension. He was miserable and so was I. I didn't like who my husband was. He didn't like me either. 

When I changed, my husband's joy, the best parts of who he is returned and improved! He's now the most amazing man I've ever met. Seriously. And I'm happier than I could ever have imagined.

What can you do as a husband? A LOT! Here are 3 keys that you can change things in your relationship!

----

Here are the resources I chat about:

Discover her strengths: www.delightyourmarriage.com/strengths

Free webinar: 

The 7 Blocks to Her Libido: Remove these for generous intimacy in your marriage

Sign up www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

• What does it mean and WHY would you actually do it?
• What if it’s COMPLETELY outside of your personality?
• What to actually do? (Steamy examples!)

---

Before we dive in…

I run a men's course called Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again.

It's a program which helps you understand how to be an amazing husband so your wife wants to do this kind of stuff. It dramatically transforms  marriages. 

I work with men in this program and interview their wives who started out rating their intimacy as a 3 out of 10 and then they move to a 7 out of 10 or from a 5 out of 10 to a 9 out of 10! 

---

ALL-DAY seduction is: 

• not normal for me
• I don't wake up thinking I want to be someone who likes playful touching throughout the day

I thought it was sinful. “Why think about sex the whole day???” was my question.

Well, now I’ve changed my tune. Here’s why…

The reason I do this work:

• I love families
• I love what children have when it's a safe, loving family
• The desire for intercourse isn't the motivation. It's the answer to "how do we make the world safer"? 
• We make better children who have parents who love each other so well that they're able to live a trauma-free life

God wants children to be raised up in the right, safe, kind environment. And sex is vital to that because that's how your husband receives love. 

Why do great men of God fall to sexual sin? The sexual sin is great...

• 35% of internet downloads is pornography
• “Sex” is the #1 search term
• Pornography increases marital infidelity rate by more than 300%
• Adultery destroys your soul
• God made him with a strong desire
  • And God gave him that desire; the average man has about 11 erections a day!

So where do we go from here? I’m not saying you’re responsible for his fidelity. But I think you have an opportunity to support him in this really sinful world. 

Have a system of seduction throughout the day:

• Bring up intimacy throughout the day!
• Touch him! 
• Give him a kiss through his clothes --- do it any time of the day!
• Always change in front of him
• Tell him "I can't wait to do more"

Resources:

• Late September, I have a women's course called The Delighted Wife: Reclaim Your Sexuality Live In Your Womanly Wisdom  And Witness Him Cherish You

• If you want to find out if this is the right step for you, go to www.dym.as.me so we can speak 1:1 to discuss your situation. No matter what it’s a $500 value but free to podcast listeners and you’ll get amazing free value and clarity so sign up as soon as you can!

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

Sometimes life is so hard. Maybe it's your marriage challenges. Maybe it's other things. I'm here to tell you there is still hope. That you are not alone in your situation. God is a God of hope. And the worry, the anxiety, and the gut-wrenching dread are not inevitable, just because you're in the midst of suffering. Today, there is hope. Listen in to hear more.

See all the show notes here: delightyourmarriage.com/124

Two brothers were at the playground the other day. 

I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with. 

But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on!

The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about.

Then I think about God. 

We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over...

Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly...

Oh...

Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways.

God have mercy!

May we get it right...get into God's will for us. 

That starts with the fear of the Lord.

The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into the perspective of eternity.

I talk about how vital it is to get into the Word in order to see things correctly.

We can have absolute faith in the Word when we pursue people who have studied this. In fact, many people who started as atheists studied it and became Christians. The discipline is called "Apologetics" and I encourage you to pursue it to bolster your faith and then get on with what God wants you to do in this world.

...And let me tell you it doesn't include squabbles about toothpaste (or other things that are at that level of small, childish thinking.)

Listen in for perspective shifts and encouragement.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to get help for your marriage right away!

You may have an inkling, but I bet you'll be surprised by my guest Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) and the interesting topics we dig into to help others understand in what ways the Song of Solomon was speaking about intimacy between husband and wife.

(Hint hint, they're not talking about the farmer's market). :)

Sharon Jaynes has authored over 20 books and is passionate about women walking confidently and freely in their God-given calling. She loves marriages and seeks for women to be free in intimacy as well as love their husband through prayer. Sharon and I had a lot of fun talking about how the Bible specifically gives us the green-light to do far more in sex than most Christians realize. Listen in!

Be sure to get Sharon's new book: Lovestruck: Discovering God's Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon to find out even more!

--

A couple of free resources I mentioned on the podcast that I'd love to offer you:

• delightyourmarriage.com/present - for wives the 8 secrets to stay present in intimacy
• delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks - for husbands to understand the 7 reasons she is blocked from having a higher drive

Have you ever been in a place where a conflict has absolutely consumed you?

Whether you're grocery shopping or with friends, that conflict is just circling over and over in your mind.

Maybe you find yourself wondering how you even got there in the first place? And even more so, how to get out of that place?

Well, author and speaker Donna Jones is here today to talk about just that. 

In her new book “Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a Biblical guide to Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret”, Donna walks us through how to handle conflict with love and grace, how to be an Addresser of Conflict, rather than an Avoider or Attacker, how to lead with listening, and so much more. 

We were sad to have this episode end because it was such a treasure!

We hope this episode blesses you and brings you and your spouse closer together- shoulder to shoulder, against the problem, rather than against each other.

We believe God can heal any relationship and He can use you through His wisdom to do just that.

Love,

Belah

When you're confident in your body you're not being prideful, you're humbly acknowledging His gift of your body.

Your beauty is not a question is a statement.

God knit you together, counted your hairs. He cares about all the incredible intracacies of your body. 

It matters what you do with it. God is all about the spirit and mind and soul. But He also says love the Lord with all your strength. Your body is important to God.

Jesus talked about the body when describing a husband and wife. Sexual immorality is not ok. It matters to God how you use your body.

What you do with your body matters to Him. And the way you think about your body matters to Him. Your body valuable. 

Every time you look at the mirror you're judging your body. You're seeing if you look ok or if you're pretty enough. Stop looking in the mirror. What space of your life, energy, time, desire is taken up by the desire to be the world's standard of beauty? Is that going to matter in eternity? Why are we obsessed with it now? 

I think you'll enjoy the homework ;) Flaunt it girl!

Next week: 175-Body4: Honor Your Ressa

Hi there! Belah here. Today my guest is Carrie from theintimatecouple.com. She gives the second half of her interview. Check out Part I "DYM Episode 10: Orgasm Difficulties Revealed".

Carrie talks about the secrets to success in her marriage as well as some steamy sex tips (that have already helped me!) Carrie is incredibly brave and shares the details that will certainly support your marriage.

Check out all the shownotes at delightyourmarriage.com/11

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Keelie Reason with lovehopeadventure.com. Have you had those times in your marriage where you feel kind of stuck? Maybe its because of external circumstances, but it just doesn’t seem to be working like it used to. Well, Keelie shares about a season in her life that caused her to have to figure out who she is and stop relying on her husband’s career for her identity. Find out how they moved through the most difficult season of their marriage and what she learned through it.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/80

We know that intimacy is an integral part of married life. 

But what happens when that intimacy… isn’t happening? 

You’ve tried to explain, you’ve tried to give your point of view, you’ve even tried to give pointers, and still… nothing.

What can you do?

At Delight Your Marriage, we have developed a framework for what men and women need in order to feel loved and thrive in their marriages and, in turn, move towards intimacy. When these things are missing from a marriage, it can often cause bitterness, resentment, and can lead to months, even years, of lack of intimacy, physical or otherwise.

Here is what we have determined the framework to be:

What Women Need:

1. To be safe

2. To be known

3. To be whole-heartedly cherished

What Men Need:

1. To be respected

2. To be admired

3. To have whole-heartedly sexual intimacy

When these key elements are missing- everything else crumbles. If you are reading (or listening) and wondering why your spouse has not initiated intimacy or why they shut down initiations - look back to this list. Are you giving this to your spouse?

We hope today’s episode will bless you as we shed some light on this topic, expand on the ‘why’ behind these needs, and give practical ways on how to implement this framework - not only for the goal of physical intimacy, but for the goal of having a thriving and beautiful marriage.

We are rooting for you!

God bless,

Belah & Team

PS - To check out the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in this episode, visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/mhac/

PPS - If you are wanting to grow in your marriage and learn exactly how to implement this framework (and get support while you do it!), we would love to talk to you. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Coming up on their 35th wedding anniversary, Kim didn't even want to celebrate.

"I don't like you.... I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to lie either".

And Kim definitely didn't want Russ to listen to my material. Because she didn't want him to think more about sex than he already did.

But, after taking the Free Men's Masterclass, Russ felt God told him to go forward with the paid Masculinity Reclaimed program... without her knowledge.

He felt (at least at first) it'd be better for her not to doubt his changes were sincere and not just to "get sex," plus he admitted his motivations became more sincere as he went through the program.

But now she knows...

And I'm excited for you to hear what happened at their anniversary just several days before this recording.

How their marriage, intimacy, and kids have changed. And what SHE thinks about it all now.

If you're suffering in your marriage with pain, feeling unloved, I think hearing from Kim's perspective what changed in her husband that drew her to him and transformed their marriage, will help you have faith for your own.

This is real life and there's time is still required for trust and healing -- but you can tell they are well on their way and there is an openness that only God could have created. Love and

Blessings,

Belah

PS - 1) Announcement: The Free Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy (even if you're the only one doing the work) is happening July 19, 20 & 21.

So, I encourage you to get registered and mark your calendar because it's only live for 1 week. Assume each day's lesson requires 1 hour, including homework.

I was speaking to some men yesterday who took the Free Men's Masterclass and they emphatically told me about how valuable it was.

Some men have been signed up for months. If you're registered, mark your calendar to be sure you dedicate the time to go through it.

2) Announcement: For those of you who have been waiting for me to reopen enrollment for the paid program...

The Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again, enrollment opens on July 22!

The free men's masterclass I mentioned above provides awesome value and insight and if you want to go deeper and see dramatic transformation...

Join the full Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) is enrolling July 22 -- sign up for the masterclass to get all the information.

The MR program will occur July 29 - Oct 28, 2021.

To find out all the details, enroll in the free men's masterclass :)

Join us for an inspiring conversation with Jenny, a loving housewife and mother of four from Finland. In this episode, Jenny shares her remarkable transformation journey and the positive impact it had on her marriage.

Previously working as a nurse before having kids, Jenny and her husband made a conscious decision to prioritize their family and serve the Lord in a unique way. Through their involvement in a discipleship-making movement, they found Delight Your Marriage, a program that brought significant changes to their lives.

Jenny's husband initially joined the men's program and experienced a profound transformation (from her perspective as the wife). Encouraged by his progress, Jenny recognized her own need for growth and decided to embark on her own journey. She realized that she had lost touch with her own needs while prioritizing the needs of her family, often neglecting her spiritual well-being.

But she realized she was busy and God spoke to her heart that she was being a "Martha" far more than a "Mary."

Through the Delighted Wife program, Jenny discovered the importance of immersing herself in the Word of God, prayer, and worship. These foundational habits reignited her passion for the Lord, restoring her joy for her children, and enabling her to share the Gospel with others.

One significant change in Jenny's transformation was her renewed desire for intimacy in her marriage.

As she developed a deeper understanding of how women and men were designed, thanks to participation in the program, Jenny felt more comfortable expressing her needs to him. 

By cultivating new habits and taking small steps, Jenny found her way back to a more fulfilling and vibrant spiritual life.

She shares her story as an example of how investing in one's marriage, time with God, and meditating on the Word of God can lead to profound transformation. If you're longing for a more joyful, intimate, and fulfilling marriage, Jenny's story is sure to inspire you.

To hear Jenny's full story and learn more about her transformation journey, listen to the complete interview on this episode.

If you're ready to take the next step in your own marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and discover how Delight Your Marriage can help you experience a delightful and intimate marriage like never before.

Remember, your marriage is a precious gift that deserves your investment and attention.

Don't miss out on the incredible transformation possible when you prioritize your relationship and embrace personal growth.

Love, 

Delight Your Marriage team

PS - Ready to experience a delightful and intimate marriage? Take the next step towards transforming your relationship by signing up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc today.

Discover how Delight Your Marriage can empower you to cultivate a deep and fulfilling connection with your spouse.

Quote from a program grad: 

"If you're committed to the program and make it a priority, you can be truly successful! Bella has changed our marriage in a really special way."

Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Larry Hagner of gooddadproject.com. After Larry shared such a moving story in his Part I, he shares why his marriage is strong in the midst of challenges. Communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage: communication with God and each other. But communication is more of a skill, but it isn’t hard. It just requires action and Larry walks us through how to do it.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at:delightyourmarriage.com/79

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/78

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Jessica McCleese, of enhancingthedance.com a psychologist, sex therapist, and studying Christian sex educator who focuses on helping Christian couples improve intimacy in their marriage. In this episode, first how she has battled the pain of infertility. Then, she shares how she had gone through so much sexual abuse in her teen years and how this past experience has led her to become a withdrawn wife in the bedroom. She talks about how she always felt used during sex, and even throughout the marriage. You can beat the past too and become whole again after sexual abuse. Dr. McCleese tells us that it’s not the end, and we can keep moving forward because that is what God wants us to do---to move on and delight in the marriage he has blessed us with. Listen in as Dr. McCleese shares her tips and advices in overcoming your past and understanding that there is indeed life after sexual abuse.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/35

Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!” The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar

Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage.

They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all.

Intimacy was tough though.

And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied.

Anyone else feel that way? 

He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time. 

He kept hitting a wall. 

And if you're in that place, I want you to know...

It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt.

They hurt deeply. 

But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working. 

And so, he decided it was time to look at himself. 

He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up... 

So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM.

He had to talk to someone. 

It was either therapy or a coaching program.

(And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).

Anyway... that's where things started. 

But, in 12 weeks, God did something amazing. 

If you're a man looking/grasping for hope and/or you want the tools for changing your marriage, I invite you to listen.

If you're a woman who will listen with a curious heart to find out how men really feel about intimacy, I invite you to listen.

Love & Blessings,

Belah 

PS - Would you like to work on your side of your marriage? I invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call here at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

PPS - How healthy is your marriage, really? Take the free Marital Health Assessment here! delightyourmarriage.com/health

Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate: 

"I've learned so much, your course helped me figure out so many things I've been struggling with in my life and I've really been able to make sense of pain and emotions that I haven't figured out until now.  

There are many more great things that have come from doing your course!"

If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work. 

In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others. 

In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions.

Here's what you'll learn:

• What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout?

• Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue.

• Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for.

• Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue.

I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself.

I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/

If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this will bless you!

Blessings,

Belah 

PS - If we can help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn all the details.

Graduate Quote:

Before the program… “I felt that I was not connecting as well with my wife and children as I should. I could sense my wife's frustration with me…I was tired, I was grouchy, I was irritable and it was affecting my most important relationships. It was negatively impacting them and my relationships with them, and it needed to change.”

After the program… ”My overwhelming feeling coming out of this course is gratitude - gratitude for my wife, for who she is, for how she has hung in there with me and not given up on me, for how she has continued to love me for who I am. I am grateful for this course and the blind spots it has helped me recognize. I wasn't a good listener at all. I was grouchy. I was ungrateful. I was often guilty of having a transactional mindset when it came to sexual intimacy. All that has changed for the better.  It's all about the routine, and doing things [taught in the program] each day.”

SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.

Three points are made in this episode:

1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.

2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).

3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions. 

A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body. 

However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness. 

So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body. 

And surprise... they're still frustrated. 

Because that's not Jesus' way. 

They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...

Sex addiction, still...

Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...

Longing for your past sexual escapades...

Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...

Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.

(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.) 

I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!

Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.

Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...

I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.

On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.

People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear. 

We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy’s story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption.

How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy’s Marriage

Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core:

“When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?”

That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage.

Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection

Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart. 

Round and round they went. 

Amy knew something had to change.

Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call

That’s when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn’t stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like.

She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation.

Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics

Her first big shift? Gratitude.

 Instead of seeing her husband’s contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart.

She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship.

So, she changed course.

Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home.

And little by little, things changed.

The Power of Forgiveness and Apology

As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing.

Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.”

A Testament to God’s Restoration and Redemption

Today, Amy’s marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God!

God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy’s. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things.

Be blessed!

Love,

Belah & Team

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have Jay Dee talking about his story.

Jay Dee founded sexwithinmarriage.com/ to help Christian spouses in two ways:

1) to dispel the stigma often associated with talking about sex within the Christian context, and

2) to use that new freedom to discuss sex within marriage, facilitating positive change in Christian marriages in order to further glorify God. He’s been married 13 years, has 4 kids and 1 new baby almost here(!).

He shares the difficulties of his marriage, from years of sexlessness and pornography addiction to an incredible and passionate partnership with his wife!

All the links, resources, and show notes available at:

http://delightyourmarriage.com/4

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman

Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you? 

That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.

I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.

Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.

What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”?

Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?

Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.

He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.” 

Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.

Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior Management

Too often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?

But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:

What kind of lover am I?
Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?
Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?
Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded?

This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.

Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman’s Body

This part of our conversation brought me to tears.

Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife’s naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence.

What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for. 

And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn’t about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship.

Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong Man

Jesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint.

But He also wept over the death of His friend.

He was moved with compassion.

He made excellent wine for a wedding!

And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume.

Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn’t run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same.

Sex as Play, Not Pressure

One of my favorite parts of Sam’s book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!)

In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play.

How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance?

When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer.

We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally.

A Message to Men Carrying Sexual Shame

Sam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating.

The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence.

But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you. 

As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it’s also your wounding.

And it was wounding. 

If this is you, you’re not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new.

Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This Book

Sam’s book isn’t just another marriage resource. It’s an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory.

And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you’ll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.

We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse.

You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there’s currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com

Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc

PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!

Though I’m mostly talking about purifying your mind regarding sexual thoughts, this is what I would prescribe anyone battling challenging thoughts. I think we don’t talk about purifying our mind enough, especially in regards to sex. I think it may be because of embarrassment or because we think it’s not necessary to address it head on.

Well, this episode, I do. I address exactly what I wish someone had sat me down and explained to me when I struggling so severely with my sexual thoughts. I give you the why, the how and the science behind changing your thought-life towards what God desires.

All the links, resources, general transcript and show notes are available at: delightyourmarriage.com/104

Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Chris Taylor of forgivenwife.com shares the struggles that began with two decades of incredibly sparse intimacy. Sex was something she didn’t enjoy because of her guilt due to a promiscuous past. Listen to the pain that’s so evident as Chris shares how sex began to transform her marriage. Though it was a difficult road of humility and change in herself and in her marriage. Sex drew her closer to her husband and God.

All the shownotes and resources can be found at delightyourmarriage.com/18

Sign up for the free, live training about Peni (marital oral sex) happening tonight at 8pm! delightyourmarriage.com/14

Mother's Day is almost here! (This Sunday!)

Make sure the mom in your life is getting treated really nicely! She is WONDERFUL and deserves to be celebrated!

I have a wonderful mom.

She sacrificed so much for me. I am forever in her debt.

As a mom myself... I believe sacrificing to be a good mom brings her greater joy than if she had never sacrificed at all. 

Sacrifice. Duty. Responsibility. 

Sounds antiquated, old-fashioned, and maybe even oppressive...?

Am I morally obligated to take care of my kids? 

Did I assume the responsibility for their well-being when my husband and I enjoyed...

...ehemm...

"actions with procreative potential"...

which (happily) resulted in a child?

I would submit the answer is "yes."

I now lay down Feelings and pick up a life built upon proper values. 

Hopefully, your mom did the same... otherwise, it would have been a very difficult existence for you. 

The nature of a mother: assuming a role and duty to care for those souls entrusted to her.

What does this have to do with wives?

In today's society, we often hear that women should only make love if they Feel like it. 

And they might say it's bad to make love when you don't naturally desire it. When you don't Feel like it.

If I used that logic in caring for my children... only when I Feel like it, they'd justly arrest me for child neglect. 

I am a self-centered, selfish, self-focused, narcissist if I am led by Feelings. 

Feelings are not my guide. 

Jesus is.

How do I know who Jesus is, so I know what He is like, and what He wants of me?

The Bible.

Is there any other source that clarifies who and what Jesus asks of me better than the Bible? 

No.

If all that is true... why is it we (ok... maybe it's just me :) struggle like this... 

Feel down, follow by: laying on the couch...with a bag of Cheetos

Feel anxious, follow by: distracting my worries by scrolling through interesting video clips

Feel tired / annoyed / down / uncomfortable / frumpy / fat / unattractive / undesireable / lazy / anxious / stressed / cramped / worried / distracted / entertained / even happy..., follow by: heading straight to bed avoiding all manner of intimacy... at all costs.

At times, my mouth says: "Jesus is my King,"

but in real life: "my Feelings rule". 

(These all certainly have been true, but when I repent sincerely and come back to Jesus' way, He has helped me to stop following the tempting Feelings less and less.)

We all need to live by our values from the Bible. 

The Bible becomes the standard for life and there are a lot of important things about marriage, marital sacrifice, and the purpose of marital intimacy. 

It would be worthwhile to look these up: Matt 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Timothy 5:14, Romans 13:13-14, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Hebrews 13:4.... and that's just the New Testament!

I assume the responsibility of taking care of my children, to fulfill the role of Mom. 

I assume the responsibility of taking care of my husband, to fulfill the role of Wife. 

This is not following the world's definition of happiness.

It is true happiness.

This is in God's will.

This is following Jesus. 

Happy Mother's Day! 

I bet you wouldn't wish you followed Feelings more and sacrificed less to follow Jesus... in your role as a Mom.

I invite us both to hold that same standard for your role as a Wife.

You have sacrificed well, happily, and joyfully...and it is worth it! :)

Bravo & thank you!

The precious souls in your care, thank you!

Love,

Belah

PS If applying this thought process toward your spouse feels
convicting, we understand and have been there, too. We're here to help...if you want help, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Do Delight Your Marriage programs help? That's a fair question...here's another graduate quote to give you hope:

Before the program challenges were:

"low sex drive, no physical pleasure from sex, pressure to have sex often, resentful of having to have sex often, insecure body image"

After the program:

"I now look forward to sex, enjoy it physically, am able to seduce my husband, and we both feeling amazingly satisfied all the time!!"

Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

From a wife who saw sex as a chore to a woman who feels free and enjoys frequent intimacy in her marriage. How did she get there? Well, it didn’t happen overnight, but Melanie was able to come to place where her past didn’t define her marriage anymore. And she was shocked to find God wanted her to find freedom in a place she had never known. Listen in to discover how God transformed her heart and made her sexually free.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/84

This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record. 

Here’s what I cover:

• how I hold my opinions about women in the church and I think we all should
• how women showed up in the Bible
• I think Christian men should be on the forefront of the movement to end sexual abuse against women (Jesus would have been)
• women in ministry leadership
• the things I’m still processing around this
• your sexual abuse story should be believed, heard, processed, given space
• and the same goes for church abuse (of any kind)
• the body of Christ needs women in leadership because they are lacking without us

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Gaye Christmus of calmhealthysexy.com. This episode is such a refreshing and eye-opening conversation between Gaye and I about the differences in perception of sex and sexual responses among men and women. She helps us understand the process, which she had to go through herself, of learning that culture’s dictation of sex is from a male’s perspective. She also is firm in her belief that if we only let God lead us and if we are willing to follow, He will bring us to where we ought to be. Listen in and join us as Gaye also gives out helpful advice on how to work difficult things out in your marriage. We can get through it; it’s part of God’s plan!

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/58

Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages

Hi there! Belah here. Today I have Joyce Penner talking about her story.

Joyce Penner of passionatecommitment.com has been married for 51 years and has 3 married children 7 grand children and one on the way. Their ministry began in 1975 when asked to teach a class on sexuality. They grew up incredibly conservative upbringing and they’ve trusted God with their calling even in the midst of some significant challenges with her daughter’s health.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at:

delightyourmarriage.com/8

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Debi Walters of theromanticvineyard.com. She and her husband have been helping other married couples get through their marital struggles. On this episode, she talks about something that we all are at risk of doing. It is dishing out criticism to our spouses. Debi shares her painful experience of having to go through an entire year of a rocky relationship because of a comment that she made toward her husband; a comment which caused him pain and which affected their relationship greatly. She tells us on this interview how to own up to your mistakes and how to get through these challenges, with the help of God and his Word.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/56

Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages

When Mona was approached by her husband, she couldn't believe her ears. 

His unfaithfulness was a complete surprise.

If you had asked her if her marriage could heal from this affair in the beginning she wouldn't have believed it.

But God surprised her with healing that she and her husband now help other couples heal from their brokenness as well. 

A powerful story that led to healing she didn't think was possible.

Now she and her husband give hope to other couples walking through journey to healing. 

Find out all the show notes at delightyourmarriage.com/113

Last week was part 1, and today I'm excited to bring you the last few items to rekindle the romance, intimacy, connection that may have been lost over the years. 

Today, I am giving insights on sex, including responsive vs. spontaneous drive and libido. Which I think will help men and women - high or low drive.

Seriously, if you know someone struggling in marriage -- these are the episodes to send them. 

It's definitely high-level but if they'd follow it -- oh, my -- they'd be in a better place!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you need help, we're here! Sign up for a Clarity Call (free, but worth $300) to determine how we can help you... delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - For a limited time (this training is going away soon!) there is a free masterclass for Christian wives: 

delightyourmarriage.com/wm

Wife, it would be an awesome Christmas present to him for you to take it! <3 Enjoy!

Hi there, 

Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I've ever met. Ehemm... my husband. :)

If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it's because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.

It's not necessarily intuitive, but it is God's way.

This conversation will be instructive for wives -- who feel insecure and challenged by seduction -- and husbands -- who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.

For men - You'll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately. 

For women - You'll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it's important. 

If you'd like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you'll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon!

Blessings, 

Belah

I was confused. 

There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage... 

only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things. 

Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway? 

Oh, I knew: sinful places.

So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt). 

What's your story?

If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex. 

I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint. 

I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)

I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will. 

Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire. 

Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage. 

When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) )

In this conversation, I talk about:

1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible

2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned

3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex

4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction)

Love, 

Belah

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for!

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage!

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: 

“We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together.  I was angry and bitter…”

AFTER: “My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other.  Life is fun!”

Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse. 

Let's explore that together on our podcast today.

Be your spouse's servant. 

That's Jesus' way. 

If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live.

Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..."

Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,"

Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant."

Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."

John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

Mark 9:35: "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'"

Luke 14:11: "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you... For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Luke 10:27: "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

If we truly believe Jesus, this should not offend us but free us to love and serve extravagantly. 

Be your spouse's servant. For great will be your reward. 

Love, 

Belah 

PS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at:  delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PSS Client Testimonial:

Before Delighted Wife: “Our biggest marital struggle was PRIDE. Pride sent us into a downward spiral early on in our marriage.  It went unchecked and only got worse over the years. We were both hopeless and lost.”

After Delighted Wife: “I can finally SEE! God shined a light on my pride the very first week of the program.  We had big celebrations nearly every week. I finally see my husband through God's eyes! I have grace for his imperfections and use them as opportunities to honor God by loving him through them with absolute joy. 

My husband could see a change pretty instantly.  The energy in our home is positive and joyful! We've had celebrations of vulnerability and intimacy I never thought possible and finally share hope that we can actually have the marriage we've always dreamed of. We're all happier, sleeping better, and able to breathe! It's truly a miracle.”

PII: All of us face severe challenges in this life. And we all will (if we haven’t already) experience grief. God does give the grace to receive comfort through our marriages in the times we need it most. But it isn’t automatic and it needs to be fostered intentionally. This is the second half of my interview with Penny and she shares very practical step by step instructions on how to grow in your emotional intimacy together. She also shares what sexual intimacy is like during grief and how to help yourself and your spouse in the midst of that.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/89

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/88

Listening is a superpower.

It makes people feel heard and safe and brings down defenses. It lets them know they are cared for.

In today's society, it can be hard to have a conversation without wanting to defend a point in disagreement or wanting to make sure your opinion is heard, as well. It's even worse when this seeps into your marriage.

Today we are going to be talking about how to have a productive disagreement without losing connection, how to stay on the same team (even when you think your spouse is totally wrong!), and how to be a curious and compassionate listener, even in the midst of disagreement.

We hope this episode blesses you and leads to many wonderful, deep conversations and a deeper understanding and connection with your spouse.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - You can find the Marital Health Assessment mentioned in today's podcast here: https://delightyourmarriage.com/health/.

PPS - If you're thinking this listening stuff is great for someone else, but not you and your spouse- they never listen, they don't want to share, they are so closed off... we would love to talk to you and see if we can help. https://delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

"My biggest struggle coming into the program was hard heartedness, unforgiveness and resentment... It's required me to be more reflective.  It has shown me the power of positive habits that build into an attitude of gratitude. I am learning to see my wife in a kinder light.  I am spending more time connecting with my kids and have been more patient, kind & gentle with them.  I am becoming a better friend, messaging and calling friends more, and making time for them."

We're all insecure. 

Which I think is why God says "do not fear" so often in the Bible. 

The only one we are to fear is Him. (Which when we get that right, it puts everything else in perspective and it's a lot easier to not fear everything else.)

We have to take courage in all aspects of our lives in order to do God's will. And when we fear the wrong things we get off track. 

Whether it's fearing rejection or meanness from your wife. Or whether it's fearing what he thinks about your body.

When we take courage in one area of our life it permeates to others. When we take courage in our intimacy in our marriage, it permeates to taking courage to do what God wants us to do in other people's lives. 

I am really excited to speak to you today about the fears that typically hold men and women back from doing intimacy the way I think God intends: naked and unashamed, aka naked and courageous.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you need to speak to someone about what a next step might be for you in your walk and journey. 

You can apply for a Clarity Call where a member of my team a Clarity Advisor may be able to speak with you and determine how we can help you get to where you're yearning to go.

delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - I have a ton of free resources for you at delightyourmarriage.com/free

PPSS - Oh! And I was interviewed on this cool youtube channel the other day by a friend from long ago. It's exciting to see where she is and that she shared her platform with me. Check it out here!

Does sex feel like a duty? 

•  When he asks to make love, I believe that he's actually doing a really brave thing. He could be afraid of rejection and is actually insecure about it. 
• What if you have the opportunity to bring out your husband's generosity by being compassionate about his sexuality?
  
  

As a side: Dear husbands, If you want your wife to work with me, I encourage you to take the first step in transforming your marriage. By doing this, she'll be receptive to transforming herself as well. 

Wives, I want you to know that if your opinion of sex is that it's a chore or a duty, it’s probably hurting your spouse's feelings. AND sex has to start with having an open heart and a good perspective. Otherwise it doesn’t feel like making love, it feels like you value it as much as washing the dishes.

What if you can go to a place of:

• Joy, fun and excitement
• To the point that you physically crave sex

I want you to get there. Listen in for encouragement and new perspectives and tools to make love rather than do your duty.

 If you want to work with me to have the heart and a body (!) that craves sex, go to www.dym.as.me . You'll have 40 minutes of my undivided attention for FREE (a $500 value) so we can talk about your marriage. 

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Sara. She is a Delight Your Marriage podcast listener, and she reached out to me to share to everyone, to all you listeners, her marital journey. She has gone through ups and downs; she has felt pain and overcome it as well. Sara talks about how she realized that by showing respect to her husband, she ultimately turned their marriage around and saving it. Listen in as Sara tells us what it means to respect your spouse, and how it can greatly affect your relationship.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/62

Through research and study, I've discovered the secrets I wish someone told me years ago! Receive my free gift: "The 4 Stages To His Best Oral Orgasm" by going to delightyourmarriage.com/4stages

Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.

When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.

Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.

This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.

This is why the individuals on today's call said this: 

• "After that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put together."

• "You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can unload what we need to unload."

• "It was a great experience something I’ll never forget because it was a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life."

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

I should be clear... I don't struggle with this. The stories I share about my pride in this episode are a complete rarity. Almost never happens.
​I also don't struggle with lying... :D 

(Just kidding :)

I need this learning as much as anyone... which is why I'm excited to share what God is teaching me!

----

"My spouse needs to change..." 

"[He is / She is] doing so many bad things...so many..."

"There's nothing I can do unless [he / she] changes..."

I knew this was a disempowering mindset that I saw often.

But it wasn't until this week when God confronted me with my pride, that I learned that "self-pity" is the sin of pride. 

Ouch.

But true.

(I learned this through the book by R. T. Kendall's The Power of Humility. I highly recommend it.)

Wallowing in your pain isn't God's way. 

"But I don't deserve to be treated like this!"

I hear you.

Job didn't deserve his suffering either. 

His suffering was profound. 

Maybe yours is too.

Job started out strong. Even when others encouraged him to deny God's goodness, he stayed faithful to God and honored His faithfulness regardless.

But eventually, he succumbed to self-pity, he was severely corrected for his wallowing in self-pity.

I hope you and I will heed what God said to Job. And that we would respond the way Job did to His correction.  

I encourage you to lean into His discipline. 

He is a good Father who disciplines His children.

God is kind to bring us to repentance.

And don't worry... I needed this episode too. Let's draw near to God. Lay down our pride and acknowledge and seek Him as Lord and King.

Love, 
Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. 

PPS - If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now to give you insights on what needs to change and the first steps in how to with free resources... go to delightyourmarriage.com/health to take the Marital Health Assessment. 

From another recent graduate:

Before the men's program:
"Struggles - Arguing, lack of trust, loss of peace frequently, little laughter, lack of joy, lack of fun. I was worried that if I didn't change, my wife might leave me after the kids leave for college.

In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc.

It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes. 

The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage.

It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.” 

It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very!

But it is strength, not weakness, to change.

God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change. 

There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him! 

Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long. 

That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you. 

He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He wants you to learn it. We can trust Him on that. 

The fact that you're willing to "go there" means you're already on the right track!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you leave an iTunes review and send me a screenshot, I'd happily send you a couple of free trainings from some of my best-selling courses!

If you're not sure how to do this, find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes

We are indeed at war. 

Now is not the time to walk idly by. 

Now is not the time to pretend it's all just fine. 

Now is not the time to think only about ourselves.

And your marriage matters during the tribulation. 

Regardless of who endures the end times (our generation... or the next, or next, or next...) what you do or don't do in your marriage matters.

Whether or not Christianity is worthwhile to your kids can be significantly impacted by what they see in your marriage.

But what does preparing for the end times PRACTICALLY look like?

What does marriage have to do with the end times? Actually, a lot.

Well, I am hoping today's episode is entertaining and encouraging. 

Thank you, 

Belah

PS - 

We'd love to help you delight your marriage. Your first (courageous, yet super easy -- and worth it!!) step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Men's Graduate Quote: 

"Your program is so holy spirit inspired. I just continue to be amazed at the content in the teaching. I like that it was very practical and easy to understand. I love that the first and main focus was on our relationship with God before it moved into other areas or even included our wives."

How EXACTLY do other people even plan for sex? Planning for sex can look different for many people:

• You can plan for sex in other physical aspects

(If you're too full from dinner, you might be too sleepy for sex!)

• You can plan for sex emotionally 

(are you emotionally prepared to plan sex?)

But planning for sex with a "grin and bear it" mindset isn't good. It would be awesome if you planned sex with a heart filled with joy and excitement. So how do you plan sex with THAT kind of mindset?

Well, here's a story.

My husband surprised me with something special on our anniversary: a sunset cruise. 

He made sure that the house was clean, the kids had a babysitter, he had flowers everywhere. Well he got the idea from SOMEONE ELSE. Was I mad that he got the idea from someone else? Of course not.

That's the same with you planning sex. Don't feel like you're not being truthful or being a phony when you plan sex. The important thing is the experience you'll both be having, not HOW you got there. 

How open should you be to your husband when it comes to planning sex? It depends on where you are in your marriage, emotionally speaking. 

He craves you more when you feel good about having sex. But making love is also about you; your own joy and fulfillment. 

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you? 

Do you feel hopeless?

Are you lonely in your marriage? 

If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?

Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.

Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.

It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.

We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a better marriage and family...as much as it depends on you.

Love and prayers,

Darcy (on behalf of Belah)

Quote from a Graduate:

"The MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program was the best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage, hands down! Wish I’d taken it years ago.

Just amazing to see the work God can do in a person’s heart, if that person is willing to do the work and make the changes needed.

I hope everyone who goes through the program tells their friends about it. I for one will be spreading the news about DYM [Delight Your Marriage]!!

Why wouldn’t I, when it changed my life??"

If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you. 

Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can’t find your way back to each other.

They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn’t just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned.

Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and Disconnected

Steven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn’t seem to stick in their day-to-day lives.

They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers.

It’s hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you’re destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be.

Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to Change

What began to open things up wasn’t what Steven expected.

He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting.

And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn’t want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well.

There’s something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it’s the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that’s exactly what happened for Steven.

How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your Marriage

What truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along.

For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife’s responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself.

That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer.

Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change.

Learning to Communicate Better in Marriage

Steven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other’s toes.

When you don’t know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging.

But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so.

Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful.

Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger Marriage

What I find so deeply inspiring about Steven’s journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn’t cling to pride. He didn’t stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself.

That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage.

And it’s a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that’s more beautiful than we could have imagined.

What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After Healing

Today, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what’s different now is how they handle them.

What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection.

Their marriage isn’t just surviving anymore. It’s thriving. There’s joy. There’s intimacy. There’s a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship.

It’s a miracle of grace, truly.

There Is Hope for Your Marriage, Too

Friend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward.

Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn’t over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you’ve imagined.

With love,

Belah & Team

PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps.

PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
“Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us.”

Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Dr. Corey Allen to talk about a difficult issue that is happening in at least 25% of marriages. Dr. Allen talks about the medical and mental obstacles that men may need to move past in order to have a healthy and enjoyable sex life. He gives practical ideas on how to boost intimacy with your husband of any drive. I also share a little inspirational Christmas & New Years message & update for you at the end.

All the links, resources, and show notes available at: delightyourmarriage.com/77

Check out Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife’s manual to passion, confidence & oral sex by Belah Rose gum.co/dyhbook

•  get 25% off from now til Christmas, use the code “christmas” gum.co/dyhbook

Do you wish YOU were into sex more?

A lot of things are not mentioned in the Bible:

• Electricity
• Vehicles
• Importance of exercise
• Internet

So much of our daily life is not spoken about in the Bible! And yet we have no problem doing it, every day. In fact, we’d say it was good, though not mentioned in the Bible. 

So, why don’t we have the same view of sex? 

Art isn’t mentioned in the Bible but some like painting, some like sculpture, others like charcoal. As with art, if your spouse would like more variety, that's okay! If your spouse would like more frequent intimacy, that’s okay!

God can help you with all of this. He can help you physically crave sex. He can help you want to meet your husband’s particular desire for that particular style of “art”. God cares about being a part of your life --- and your sex life! In a marriage, a man and a woman are free to want to make love with one another. 

Resources:

If you're interested about the women's program to be truly free in the areas of VARIETY, CRAVING SEX and grow in your knowledge of all the HOW-TO’s this coming September, you can go to www.dym.as.me to schedule a call to see if it's a good fit for you!

------------------

Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. 

If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!

She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.

You have too much riding on this. 

There is too much to lose or gain. 

Don't give up. 

My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning.

You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters. 

You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances. 

My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you. 

Love,

Belah

PS - If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - If you have yet to check out our free stuff -- do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free

What do you want your marriage to look like? Is it at the level of the connection and depth of love that you desire? If not, what does it look like? And the follow up question is what you can do to change it?

We cannot change what we do not notice. I encourage you to take stock of your intimacy which is your husband's fuel of your connection. How often are you making love and how are you making it a priority in your life? It often isn't as easy as it sounds, but I have some tips and encouragement that will help.

When you make love to him, you are loving him the way that he receives love. So, to realize your connection goals, I encourage you to make that a strategy.

If you feel far off from where you want  to be in your marriage, my husband has a prayer for you at the end.

Love you and be encouraged this week!

--------

Be intentional about the spice of your sex life:

I’ve released the first 3 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!

Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 4th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.

Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her. 

For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted.

(I know the feeling and have said the words myself!)

And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride. 

The pride that was ripping her husband apart. 

And yet, God got her attention. 

He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own. 

He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin. 

And then she chose the humble and wise way. 

I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage! 

It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family. 

Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father, 

Belah

PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client testimonial... before the ladies program (the state of their marriage): 

“Completely overwhelming! It was causing pain and sadness in every area of our lives.”

After the ladies program:

"Our love has grown beyond my imagination. My husband and I are tender and loving and supportive to each other like never before. My husband has truly softened over the last few months through my using the tools in this program. Our fighting has stopped! Arguing is not our way of life anymore. Our children are doing so amazing and I can see them feeling settled and safe. Our intimacy is God honoring and I desire my husband…which was never the case!

Our marriage will never be the same! I honestly rejoice every day that Jesus brought this podcast and program in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"

Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS.

So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week.

...

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!

Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse? 

Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?

And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?

The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage! 

If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?

Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!

Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!

Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”

Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious! 

You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree. 

Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine. 

Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you! 

...

We are not currently offering a free men's course, as this is a repost of this episode, but we do invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor. This is an opportunity for you to be heard...to share your story, to evaluate where you are in your marriage and life journey, and whether or not our courses may be the right fit for you or not.

We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!

On behalf of Belah and the rest of our team,

Darcy

Office Manager

PS From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:

"Today my wife and I celebrate our … Anniversary, and thanks be to God our marriage is better than it has ever been.  As I sat this morning writing my daily gratitude's and LTP's (going strong), I am overcome with gratitude for how helpful your ministry has been. 

Going through the program last fall was truly one of the most transformational hinge times in my life - first drawing myself closer to the Lord, and only from that coming first did we experience some unbelievable changes in our marriage.   

By Gods grace, we've always had a "good" marriage - free from major issues or troubles, but since have learned how wonderful God really intends for this union to be.   Ups and downs persist, they always will, but DYM has helped show me the tools & knowledge to navigate them and have a thriving and God honoring marriage. 

I am forever thankful for DYM.  Thank you for following your calling and your dedication.   Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!!!"

We share these testimonies because God is SO good and He wants good in your marriage, too! We want to inspire hope and faith in you! Nothing is too difficult for Him!

This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love

We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then!

----------------------------------------------------------------

When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed…

I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.

God’s Care for Every Living Thing

The Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26)

Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds!

If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me?

God Is Intimately Involved in Your Life

He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize.

And He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through.

In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control. 

Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see.

Trusting God Through Pain and Suffering

Suffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times.

Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain.

God Cares About Your Pain

Make no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships.

God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares.

His Goodness Never Fails

Even in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He’s willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life.

As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

We don’t have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness.

Every Good Gift Is From God

If God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day? 

He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts. 

He knit you together in your mother’s womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us.

When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive.

Soak in the Truth of His Love

If we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain.

If we only knew His love…

If we only knew His love…

If we only knew His love…

May you know the love of Christ today. 

And may I know it, too.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call: delightym.com/cc

Maybe you've done something wrong...

Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid...

Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...

The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.

And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.

As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation. 

We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.

The truth is, on our own...

We aren't good enough. 

We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day.

And we don't deserve His sacrifice. 

But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers. 

We are trust-ers. 

We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame. 

If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter.

His payment actually means something in your day to day life. 

You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind.

I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today.

Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart.

Love, 

Belah

PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways.

DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage.

​​ Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!!

​​Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.

How to enjoy sex as a woman. We as women have so much going on. So many commitments and responsibilities. Busy. 

For women its a slow process to transition from life to physical intimacy. (For men, not so much). For us, its slow and it should be. Its an opening. Its a releasing. Its a being invited into her divinely orchestrated womanhood.

What does it feel like to be in touch of your body? Why does touch matter? Being in your body. Being attentive to the touch of your body will help you enjoy making love. I explain what I mean and how you can do this practically. 

I give you some centering practices that will move you into a centering place where you can receive and be fully with the love making experience.

Letting yourself experience it all. What to do when your mind wanders. What if there is whole other way of experiencing sex than you and your husband have tried--and it is a more spiritual experience that you might have imagined.

Touch outside the body, but what are you feeling on the inside of your Ressa. Not your clitorous, but your inner Ressa. I'll be talking more about experiencing that pleasure on this podcast.

Homework:

• What kind of touches do you want from your husband?
• Game plan: write out exactly what you want to say.
• Make love in a slow, intentionally receiving way.

Hi, it's Belah and this is the 3rd part of my chat with Luke Gilkerson, covenanteyes.com

We discuss if sex is a need or a desire and the implications that has on both men and women. Listen in!

Part I: delightyourmarriage.com/39

PartII: delightyourmarriage.com/40

PartIII: delightyourmarriage.com/41

I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas’ podcast. If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he’s also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past.

And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women:

Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality.

Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others).

We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation.

Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion:

The Challenge of Awakening Sexual Fulfillment

For so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn’t a simple switch—it’s a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn’t come easily. And you are not alone in this!

How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to Pleasure

Men, you’ve likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply.

Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex:

• What’s something you're looking forward to in our sex life?

• What’s something that makes you nervous or unsure?

• What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of?

Overcoming the Weight of Purity Culture

Many women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace.

As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn’t mean I know how to start." That’s the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend.

Sexual wholeness isn’t about following a list of dos and don’ts. It’s about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry.

The Power of Emotional & Spiritual Connection

Debra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn’t feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won’t naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about:

• Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!)

• How you affirm and admire her body

• How well she feels known and cherished by you

It’s Not About You, It’s About Her

A massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn’t just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn’t feel safe, it’s no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire.

You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?"

When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to.

How to Move Toward More Desire in Marriage

Wives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?"

Some ideas:

• Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure

• Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!)

• Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy 

Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds

Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let’s be real: just having a great marriage doesn’t mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body’s response to past wounds will still show up. That’s okay. It’s part of the journey.

Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what’s needed.

The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual Fulfillment

God is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you’ve never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope.

Your story isn’t over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined.

Final Thoughts

• Husbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows.

• Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters.

• Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all.

Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize.

Be blessed!

Love,

Belah & Team

Hi friend,

This one’s pretty personal.

After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we’re finally stepping into a new chapter. (I’m still kind of holding my breath saying that.)

In today’s episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:

• Why I stayed off social all these years (and it’s deeper than just “not liking it”)

• The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret

• Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision

• How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads

And most importantly—why we’re trying social media now.

But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.

Tomorrow (Friday), we’ll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.

For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.

With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement,
Belah

P.S. I won’t be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. :)

Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included. 

Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance.

During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain...

so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...

God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.

Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture...

Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him".

That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible.

If I'm really honest my response is

• "but I'm too important to wait" or
• "there's too much to do to wait" or
• "waiting is not going to help anything"

Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.

Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk about that... and how to ensure your meditation is Christian.

I share what I do to be still and be present in intimacy and OUTside the bedroom to impact my pleasure in intimacy.

Also, when "Receiving" in intimacy is too hard, there are other ways that are easier at times and bring us together in beautiful ways.

A few resources I mentioned:

The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer MD, PhD

Deep Work by Cal Newport

International House of Prayer - 24-hr worship streamed online

Live a Life Worthy of Your Calling (the song starts at 1:18:15)

Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex by Belah Rose

--

I'd like to invite you to be on my email list. I send emails a couple times a month and I'd like to offer you some free resources for you...

For wives, you're welcome to get "8 Tips to Stay Present" in the bedroom:

www.delightyourmarriage.com/present

For husbands, you're invited to get the "7 Blocks to Her Libido" which clarifies what may be keeping her from desiring intimacy in your marriage.

www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks 

For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage.

Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way.

But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions. 

Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast.

Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change.

She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days.

This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband.

Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before.

She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long.

We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey!

Love, 

Belah & Team 

PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.)

PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:

Before the Delighted Wife Program:

"We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways."

After:

"WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace.  I have learned how to build my marriage.  Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible... 

Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR.  Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept.  It was directly and purely to JESUS.  He was the main focus, and everything else just fell  into place.  It helped me to re-center everything in my life."

Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated? 

Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes! 

I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)

And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal. 

One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also. 

It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that.

We're going to mess up. 

But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again.

Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who are we trying to impress, really? Which of the billions of humans' opinions are you going to listen to? And what if their opinion changes? 

But if you say, "I'm going to do my best. I'm going to do something bold". You're gonna mess up sometimes. And it's good! 

It feels terrible though. But that means you're still living. Just like a plant, if you're growing it means you're living. 

We have to own it and clean up the mess we made, but thank God you're not perfect and you're still growing. 

Also, the great thing about God, is that He may reveal your imperfections to those who admire you, for the reason that they need to see you as "not God".

They need to see God as God and you as a humble, imperfect servant who is just trying their best to make Him proud. 

So... 

Bravo to you. You're out there! You're doing it! 

We're not perfect. We're making a mess, but we're cleaning it up and trying to move forward a bit wiser and more compassionate next time. 

(Also, if you want to see someone "making a mess in public" check out our website right now: delightyourmarriage.com

We're in the middle of a refresh. And it's definitely in the "getting there" mode. 

Why didn't we put an "under construction" sign up and reveal once it's perfect? Well, then I would be taking away a lot of ways I serve you, plus how interesting is it to walk into someone's workshop and see what they're tinkering with as it happens? So, you're welcome to see how we're tinkering :)  

Wishing you a fantastic rest of your day, may this episode bless you and give you courage! 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to go from ok even good to wonderful -- we'd love to help! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Hi, Belah here.

Today my guest is Carrie of Intimate Couple. She grew up without any education about sex. She didn't know what an orgasm was until she was married. She shares how she moved past these struggles and how to teach your kids the right way about sex. Maybe she wouldn't have had difficulty with orgasm had she been taught the right way.

http://delightyourmarriage.com/10

I don't have to tell you that the enemy is out for families. Because the best-case scenario is a mom and dad that love each other raising children that grow up to be the men and women to do God's will in the earth.

So, if the enemy can tear at the soul of the marriage. The most sacred part. The intimacy. Then the family crumbles. 

But God.

Wayne is so courageous to share what God has done because he knows it can help someone, maybe like you to know you're not alone. 

This is a story I've heard many times. Wayne made a big error. One that could have changed his family's future to one completely different with so much pain and heartache. 

When he was found out, it was the hardest days of their lives. It was devastating.

A friend told him about Delight Your Marriage. 

When he heard Mick's testimonial (Episode 363) he knew he had to do the program and he went ahead.

It wasn't easy for him. It took ownership. It took struggle. It took perseverance. It took time. It took patience. 

It took prayer. It took other men rooting him on. Encouraging him. Praying for him. 

He didn't give up.

And God healed their marriage.

God healed their connection.

God healed his wife's heart. 

There is so much good in that home now. Their many kids feel more relaxed and able to be themselves in the home. Their friendship is stronger. He appreciates all the levels of connection he now enjoys with his wife.

She said, "if you told me this [is how it would be] a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it." He agrees "That's not who I was" but now it is.

God be praised.

I hope you are encouraged by another journey that God is healing families. It's not easy but it is SO worth it. 

If you needed this to own your mess and turn your family's future around. It's time. Don't waste any more precious time and join our men's program to transform it all. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Have a conversation with Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see how we can help you.

PPS - A different husband who graduates next week wrote:

"I feel very different. A kinder, more gentle, caring human being has emerged. 

I feel more confident in myself and in my masculinity.

I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.

More importantly, no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behavior as this one."

Maybe it's your turn: delightyourmarriage.com/cc 

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

-----

Today's podcast episode...

If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like? 

What is a strong man? 

What is a true man of God?

What is the masculinity God desires of you?

That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.

Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men. 

Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord. 

Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!

If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...

the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time... 

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Back 1.5 years ago, Taylor went through the men's program and witnessed God do some important work. Most important: in his heart. 

But as Jesus says:

For from within, out of the heart of man,

come evil thoughts, sexual immorality,

theft, murder, adultery, coveting,

wickedness, deceit,

sensuality, envy, slander,

pride, foolishness.

All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

If the point of Delight Your Marriage is to help men and women get their heart right, then of course the rest would follow.

My encouragement to you today, is focus on the heart. Focus on surrendering your heart to the Lord so He can free you of all of that which you hate.

He is God and there is freedom with Him.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you're looking for changes like this, we would love to help you on a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

From another recent graduate: 

MR Grad: “GOD is certainly using DYM [Delight Your Marriage] to impact lives.”

Before MR: “Some of the biggest struggles I was facing were that marital intimacy was all but nonexistent. That included emotional intimacy- whether I wanted to see that or not. 

I have long struggled with pornography... My self-worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough.

After MR: “I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God.

In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit.

The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.” 

This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose. 

I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material. 

It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for. 

(For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)

If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work. 

The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace! 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors.

Allow them to hear your story and see if a program could truly make the change you're seeking. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

For Penny, life didn't turn out the way she had planned. Well, her marriage anyway.

When they got married, she didn't really understand that she was a broken person marrying another broken person.

But eventually it became clear to her that the marriage was beyond fixing.

She filed for divorce and her husband agreed. Fast-forward 14 years of heartache and God does something she didn't expect. How can a broken marriage heal?

How can your marriage heal? That's what we're talking about to today. Listen in.

Check out delightyourmarriage.com/123 for the show notes!

Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas,

and we wish you fear-free Christmas,

and we wish you a faith-filled Christmas,

and from all of us at D-Y-M!

That's just one example of why my kids drown out my singing when I make up words to popular tunes. 

Regardless of my kids, here's another one I'm proud of...

---ehemm---

Let it go. 

Let it go. 

Don't worry 'bout it anymore--

Let it go. 

Let it go ---

Just wait to see what's in store. 

We don't know, what God has planned. 

But if we trust in Him -- 

He'll give us the strength to stand. 

---*bow*---

I am proud of that one. They... are not. 

(I promise I sang neither of those on today's podcast episode.)

But today's conversation is about faith.

Faith is what we celebrate at Christmas.

The faith we have in Jesus being brought into the world for us.

And this is the faith I want to remind you of during this season that often can get crowded up with all the holiday festivities.

I want to talk about how vital faith is for the miracle you're looking for in your marriage.

I want to talk about how vital faith is for God's hand in your life.

And how -- I don't want to block God's miracles, because of my lack of faith. 

There are nuances that I hope you'll listen to from the episode.

But what about when you have faith and God doesn't come through like you hoped? We walk through that as well.

Ultimately, from this episode this is what my aim is:

When we get to the other side of eternity and look back, I hope, hope, hope Jesus will "marvel" at our faith. 

That I would not be offended by His choices, but I would have faith all the more regardless.

That I would not disappoint and frustrate Him by lacking in faith, especially after ALL the amazing experiences I've seen others have and those He's given me personally.

May we each stand in that place of faith that moves mountains. 

May Christmas provoke us to walk nearer and in closer relationship with and in awe of the man who came to us...

Jesus, who is Christ the King.

Love, 
Belah

PS -- I challenged you to pray about whether or not 2022 would be the year that you spent 3 months focusing on transforming your marriage.

And if it is -- I ask you to schedule a call with a wonderful Clarity Advisor delightyourmarriage.com/cc who can guide you through your own story and see how we can help.

PPS -- Those songs above are not copyrighted (yet--just kidding ;D ), so you can feel free to whip those out the next time you need a bit of extra faith and trust! 

When I was first with my (now) husband he showed me my value. 

Value I didn't know I had.

Worth I didn't know I was.

He taught me how precious my heart was.

He taught me how precious my body was.

God loved me through my husband.

God healed me through my husband.

I remember on our first date I told him that I had never felt safer in my whole life.

I felt completely respected and honored by this man.

I felt like he would protect me from anything and everything (even from himself).

Unassuming.

Tender.

Kind.



And when I read the scriptures, I see that is what Jesus is to women.

He is kind.

He is loving.

He doesn't speak to them harshly.

He is moved by compassion when they cry.



Seriously. Take a minute and think.

Is there ever a time that Jesus is harsh to women?

Even when he tenderly corrects Martha, it is in protecting Mary (a woman who had the gall to value herself enough to learn from the great Rabbi).

I invite you to explore with me how Jesus treated women.

Men if you have never learned from Jesus in this way, I think this will help you.

It will help you see your wife as the daughter of the king.

As a precious soul that you are tasked to heal and care for. And God can heal her through you... through your genuine safety.

Book referenced:

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer

Blessings,

Belah 

PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info.


PPS - Recent husband grad: 

BEFORE: 
"Constantly getting rejected was demoralizing and took a mental toll on me for sure.

Not being listened to and the lack of respect was basically a punch in the gut pretty much daily, causing depression and definitely other issues within the house as well with the kids also."


AFTER: 
"I wanted to think that I was doing all the right things and that it was her problems that were causing all of the issues between, but I was definitely wrong.

Through this program, I have realized that I definitely was living up to my "man of the house" role.

Mainly I was not providing her safety.

My actions, or lack of actions depending on the situation, were not getting my wife into a safe place where she would be in the mindset to share herself with me physically, mentally, or spiritually.

By doing this in turn it has proved to be beneficial with what I feel is much more respect from her, especially around the kids, as well as more frequent episodes of lovemaking."