Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day.

The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists:

• "For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'"
• "I was taught, 'Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.'"
• "As a teenager I thought, 'I’m going to go to hell and there’s no way to get around it.'"

Here, a panel of four men, three of whom grew up in the Church of Latter-day Saints (LDS, aka the Mormon Church), and one who grew up Catholic/Christian, discuss their journey from religious programming to a more full, rich, and healthy sexual expression in the world.

But it doesn't stop with healthy sex. Because one of the effects of feeling blocked, ashamed, or perverted for having natural sexual desires is that you tend to have a lot of trouble relating with those with whom you want to have sex.

This begs the questions: What is healthy sex and sexuality? What is healthy connection? According to one married man, "It took us 32 years of our marriage to be able to unravel and untwist this trauma."

Religious deconstruction from LDS and other religions is real, and it's doable. You can overcome sexual shame, religious indoctrination, and more.

If you want to go from being afraid to connect with women to having the healthiest relationship of your life, listen on.

If you're looking for inspiration, hope, and dare I say an experience of transcendence, listen on.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "As a child, we were taught that sex-related sins were worse than murder."
• "I grew up with a daily sense of guilt and shame, and, 'I’m so dirty or gross, why would they want me?'"
• “I felt like God set me up to fail.”
• "The sexual experiences I’ve had since my divorce have been unbelievably healing for me."
• “The more we talk about it, we expand ourselves and it does something in our own nervous system.”
• “Now I can find some freedom in it. It’s OK to have sexual needs.”
• "I’m horny as hell and excited to have a fun Friday night!"

Casual sex, friends with benefits, and hookup culture between men and women: what does it feel like when it goes well, and what happens when it doesn't? Prepare for some entertaining and sometimes cringe-worthy stories of sexual escapades and the surprising love that can come along the way.

"As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help."

Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I seek to fill is due to exactly what this client of ours shared -- the unfair and often unnamed expectation that men should "just know."

You shouldn't! It's totally normal to not know. And in my opinion (and that of most of the women I know), the most mature, healthiest, and sexiest men are the ones who are leaning into learning.

In the learning and growth process, you're likely to come across both therapy and coaching. They're similar but not the same, and it's an art to know when you need which.

Many of the men with whom we've worked have experienced both therapy and coaching, and I polled them before this recording so I could include their lived experiences. Here, we go over the differences between them, and share some real-world examples.

Whether you're working on your sex, dating, and relationship life, or becoming stable during or after a period of anxiety and depression, there's something for you here.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I couldn’t take certain forward-facing actions because I had these wounds from my past.”
• “I might always have some of these old injuries or tender spots, so how do I move forward working with that?”
• “Coaching in the community normalizes my experiences instead of isolating them to ‘it must just be me.’”
• “I needed both, and one is not better than the other.”

We get real and personal in discussing whether we feel "ready" to be in a relationship. Whether you're a man or a woman, and whether it's just sex, dating, or a marriage you're wanting, there's an art to understanding whether you're prepared physically, emotionally, and spiritually for relationship.

Mixed messages in your relationship can be one of the most frustrating elements of communication. Whether it's about sex, love, or something in between, what do you do when you think your partner is upset but they say everything's fine? How do you handle little jabs -- and what do you do when you're the one issuing them? Here we discuss the ins and outs of passive aggression, as well as what healthy anger looks and sounds like (yes, healthy anger is a good thing). Grasping the dynamics of passive aggression and how to handle things instead could just save your relationship -- or help you build a better, healthier, and more rewarding one in the future.

"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??"

So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’"

The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man put it, "NRBs are a thing!" (No Reason Boners).

We're on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.

Related questions:

• How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you've never seen it role-modeled?
• What is a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?
• How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Our turn-on is visible from the outside."
• “It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”
• "Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict."
• "The antidote to shame is connection."
• "Men having an erection is a sign of health."
• "What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are."
• "‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’"
• "I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality."

How does a man being in his power affect his woman? Whether in sex, dating, or relationships, the way WE show up affects how the OTHER person shows up -- whether it's a man impacting his woman, or vice versa. This is a cool exploration of how Jason and Violet's relationship unfolded, the obstacles they navigated together, and a description of the resilience of their love.

Oral sex, cunnilingus -- it's a part of sexuality, dating, and relationships that can help two people be very connected ... or disconnected, depending on the circumstance. Here, three man get real about going down on women and its impact on their relationships, including married life.

There's a wrong way and a right way to go after women -- what's the difference? YouTube personality and men's educator Josh Klaasen joins us to discuss his journey from sucking with women, to becoming a douche-wagon (his words), and finally an alpha gentleman.

Ever gotten the sense that a woman is sizing you up ... deciding whether you match up with a list she has in her head around her ideal partner?

You might be right. Whether you're online dating, speed dating, or meeting someone in real life, a lot of women do have a list, and it can be confusing or even frustrating when you interface with it.

Here, we discuss the nuances of "the list" -- the why behind it, how to engage with it, and the tension between the need to be open/flexible, and the need to stick with personal boundaries.

If you have your own list, you’ll likely also relate to this. And you may also relate to the feeling of wanting things to be neat and tidy — to be fully prepared for relationship and have your partner match up with all your expectations.

To which I’d share Violet's words: “Would I rather be alone for the next decade, or would I rather have the experience of loving and being loved, and have it be messy?"

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “He has a nice resume; I thought he’d be a good guy.”
• “My desires and yearnings are holy and I want them to be fulfilled.”
• “When we cut off our heart in dating, we’re missing a rich human experience.”
• “You never know what’s going to delight and surprise you.”
• “If you want emotional safety, you have to be vulnerable.”

When Wayne Forrest was 25 years old, he was a strong, rugby-playing farmer who was married with two twin babies.

Then he had an accident on the rugby field and broke his neck. A doctor said he would never walk again. His wife wouldn't touch him anymore. And he thought, "How the hell am I going to survive this?"

What follows is his story, which touches on everything from love, sex, and dating, to dependence, interdependence, and the power of the human spirit. As Wayne puts it, the Inner Warrior is the most important element of our lives, yet we rarely have a strong relationship with it.

What does it mean to be a modern warrior? How to we re-envision manhood, masculinity, and power? I believe the answers lie in discussions like these.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I put myself in danger to prove that I was enough (or good enough).”
• “Having to rely on everybody … was quite an extreme moment.”
• “We’ve got a deeper intelligence that’s connected to everything.”
• “It’s funny how you make a decision and the universe puts the right people in front of you.”
• “She started throwing mud at me in the yard and I thought, ‘Ahhh, I’ve got her!’”
• “Be curious and question every belief you have.”
• "It takes a load off!"

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Wayne's site, and to book a call: https://www.wayneforrest.com/your-inner-warrior-strategy-call

How do you keep sex hot in your relationship over time? How do you generate attraction on a date without feeling like you're forcing it (whether a date with a new person you met while online dating or your wife of many years)? How can you encourage your woman partner to relax, soften, and receive without saying a word? You've probably heard us talking about polarity before -- here, we start at the beginning and discuss what it is, isn't, and everything in between. Polarity is heat, fire, attraction, and magnetism, and it's something you can consciously learn how to work with. Let's do this.

When it comes to love relationships, whether you're dating or in a committed, long-term relationship, there's one place where you need to be skillful or it will all just fall apart.

It might not happen right away; you might get through the honeymoon period or even get married and it might be fine. But little by little, if this skill isn't developed and you as a couple can't "get there," you're very likely to end up in a sexless relationship, or a volatile one that you feel like you can't get out of.

Here we get vulnerable about what we've seen not work in this area, and what we've seen be uplifting and helpful.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).

Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.

This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Memorable quotes

• "Online dating can be crushing."
• "Structure in your life can lead to other structures."
• "Half my female clients meet their partners in real life."
• "Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new women can be a game-changer."

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Violet's program: Radiant Love
• Jaiya's community work with the erotic blueprints
• Londin Angel Winters & Justin Patrick Pierce's work

Say you've gone on a date or two with a woman you're interested in sexually and then she lets you know she's not interested in you romantically. Do you stay connected with her even though she doesn't want the same thing as you? If not, what does that say about you -- and if so, what impact does that have on you? Here, Jason and I both share personal experiences around handling crushes, sex, dating, relationships, and true friendship.

Ever wished you could explore different kinds of sexy things in your relationship? How exactly does one go from missionary position to consensual flogging? Well, let us tell you!

When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, there's a lot of mystery around kink and BDSM. What "counts" as kinky, and how do you talk to your partner about wanting to explore it? How does one even get started in BDSM? Is it all whips and chains, or how does that work exactly!?

We go into all this and more as Sara takes us on her own personal experience going from a pretty vanilla marriage to a full-on kinkster and practiced rope bottom (someone who likes to get tied up). She experiences a tremendous amount of freedom in rope bondage — something that may sound like an oxymoron but actually isn't.

If you've ever wanted to get your freak on or hear an open discussion of exploration and sexual freedom (as well as hear about BDSM for couples), this isn't one to miss. Talking about sexual taboos is all the rage. ;)

Mentioned in this episode:

Shibari: Japanese rope bondage 

FetLife — a popular social media site for those interested in kink and/or BDSM

Rigger: Someone who does the tying in a rope bondage situation

Rope bottom: Someone who is tied up in a rope bondage situation

Testosterone in men helps with sex drive, motivation, focus, hair growth, and more. Low testosterone is linked to depression, low libido, and more. These are 5 easy, natural ways to boost your testosterone, which will help with dating, relationships, and women, as well as in life.

On this, the week of Valentine's Day, whether you're a man or a woman, single, in a relationship, dating, or any of the rest of it -- here is a love poem just for you. Xoxo.

Sexy time, pickers, and dating, oh my! Here I answer the following three common client or listener questions:

1. "I’ve heard women say it’s a red flag if the man has not had relationship experience. What do you say?" 
2. "One issue I've had is selecting the right female partner. What is a good way to guide myself to go about doing this?" (My picker is off)
3. "How do I initiate sex without coming off as demanding? I come from a relationship where I think I pressured her into sex, or I wrongly felt sex was owed to me … how can I now be bold in initiation without coming across as pressuring?"

---

I want to give a shoutout to the men who asked these questions. It's brave to put yourself out there and ask about what you really want to know.

Got a question you want me to cover? Hit me up at dearmen at gmail.com.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ghosting is by far one of the worst byproducts of the digital age of dating. It impacts both men and women in short- and even medium-term relationships. In this combined GirlTalk/GuyTalk episode, we break down why we ghost, when we ghost, and how to put a stop to the madness.

Polarity is complex and involves a number of dynamics, including men leading and women surrendering (both in sex and outside of it). But it also involves relationship "landmines" -- topics you both avoid because you're afraid it'll blow up your relationship. Here we delve into that, and the surprising sexual energy released when you both finally tell the truth.

Ever been around a woman who was closed down, shut off, or emotionally unavailable? Ever felt like your partner wanted to say something but was holding back, and if you'd somehow shown up in a different way, maybe she'd have let you in?

Perhaps you've felt some version of, "I can’t handle that anger right now so I need to remove that anger from her." Or if your partner is upset with you, you've expressed something like, "You don’t need to feel that way because here was my *intention* in doing that."

Dating, sex, and relationships can feel like a huge mystery. Hell, women and feelings themselves can feel like a huge mystery! But there are certain principles that hold true, and grasping the nuances of polarity can help you navigate everything with more grace and clarity.

Here, I share personal stories of feeling opened by a man (as well as times I've felt closed by one), and we outline what it takes to become the man who can open an available woman.

—

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Instead of acknowledging what she was feeling and getting curious, it triggered my wounding around not being enough as a man, so I would try to explain to her why she was wrong."
• "Can I allow the person who hurt me to then be the person to hold me?"
• "The deeper trust we form is, 'Oh, we can do this. We can move through conflict.'"
• "This is one of the greatest gifts we can bring to another human being."

Will she still want to have sex with you if you're still a virgin at 26 years old (or 29, 34 or older)? What if you're divorced or getting divorced and you've only had sex with 1-2 women your whole life? You don't have to be sexually experienced to satisfy her, whether you're dating or in a relationship. Here we talk about how to overcome the anxiety, shame, and uncertainty if you haven't had a lot of sex with women before -- and how to even bring it up in an inviting way with a partner.

"Kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their dad," says Roland Warren, former president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. "And if a father is unwilling or unable to fill that hole, it can leave a wound that is not easily healed."

If your sex and love life hasn't worked — i.e. you often attract chaotic partners; or you can't seem to screw up the courage to approach the women you really want; or you just keep getting ghosted no matter what— then you may have a father wound.

Here we go over 3 common archetypes around the father wound and what their impact is on a man. This includes dads who either physically or emotionally absent, as well alcoholics and those who had a mental health issue like depression/anxiety.

The good news? It's more than possible to overcome the father wound and grow into the healthy masculine. We specifically lay out the concrete strategy you can use to prevail over this wound. Yes, it takes work to get there, but it's totally achievable — and worth it.

Ever felt like you suck at girls? Examples:

• You just don't know what you're doing when it comes to dating (or sex, or relationships)
• Getting along really well with women in general but when it comes to initiating with a woman you like, you freeze up
• Wondering how to approach women without being creepy

Whether you're a late bloomer, you feel like you're lagging behind and other guys know how to do this better, or you're just unsure in this area of your life, you're not alone!

Here, four real men get personal with respect to how much they used to not know what to do when it came to sex, dating, or relationships with women.

Then they go into how far they've come! Several are actively dating or in a relationship now, and they get specific about what changed that had them feel more secure.

It turns out things get a lot easier when you figure out how, as a man, to lead in life and love in a way that's genuinely authentic to who you are (not some pickup artist nonsense).

If you're looking for a little hope and inspiration, this isn't one to miss! Also you don't want to miss one man's description in this episode of "somewhat coed situations." ;)

Almost every single woman in a relationship (dating or married) needs reassurance sometimes. Unfortunately, many men don't know how to provide it in a way that really lands for her, which often causes unnecessary strife and disconnection.

In one man's words, "I used to be the classic male 'fixer' and thought I would be the one to save the day by giving out suggestions of how she could overcome her anxiety. Surely one of those would work. The more suggestions or solutions to her issues I could come up, the better job I thought I was doing. After several years of this seemingly not working to soothe her anxiety, and sometimes making it worse, I have learned she is not looking for this."

So what is she looking for? Here, we share our personal experiences around anxiety and effective soothing. We break it down into two categories of anxiety: when we're upset or challenged by something in life (work, family, friendships, etc.), and when we're upset about something in the relationship itself.

If you've ever had a partner who fears she's too much, who looks to you for reassurance, or to whom you've wanted to provide deep, reliable, calming care and safety, you'll appreciate this one. Bonus? When you learn to soothe her well, you become even sexier to her.

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Quotes from this episode:

• "'Are you looking for solutions or comfort?'"
• "Sometimes not saying anything at all but just being able to listen is all she needs to be soothed."
• "I also assure her that I'm here for all of it, especially when she seems nervous that her emotions are 'too much.'"
• "Validate my reasoning; even if it’s not rational to you, it’s logical to ME."
• "Our relationship has soared to new heights after learning how to properly soothe my woman."

Ever read No More Mr. Nice Guy, or heard about Nice Guy Syndrome and related to it? If you've identified yourself as a Nice Guy, you may have the feeling, "Where do I go from here?"

Jason, a self-proclaimed recovering Nice Guy, goes through the steps related to overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome. Instead of being a Nice Guy, there's a new archetype: the Kind Man.

Overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome includes addressing the pattern of rumination (being in your head a lot, obsessing about what the right thing to do is); addressing the need to please (i.e. not rocking the boat); as well as even figuring out know what you want in the first place. A lot of our clients report having trouble even figuring out what they want at first, which makes it a lot harder to get it!

Fortunately you don't have to stay stuck in Nice Guy Syndrome forever -- there are concrete steps to take to overcome this pattern and feel your sense of freedom and power around sex, dating, relationships, work, and life overall.

There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example?

If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your relationships. 

If you’ve ever had thoughts like, “When’s it going to be my turn? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?” or, “I’ve done so many good things, nobody should ever be mad at me.” — then you’re plenty familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome!

But what happens after you’ve recovered? What’s the dream? What happens once you’ve mastered things like asserting yourself, knowing what you want and need and how to speak up for it, and how to set healthy boundaries?

Here, Dr. Glover and I go through the before, during, and after states of Nice Guy Syndrome. It gets spicy in places, so get ready for a fun ride!

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “Nobody ever taught me, ‘Say what’s on your mind.’ In my family, that was actually punished.”
• “You begin to realize that a lot of the patterns in your life are triggered by unconscious toxic shame, and deep anxiety states.”
• “In the process of having good guy friends, my love relationship has improved dramatically.”
• “This is the most productive, satisfying year of my life.”
• “We’re healing for humanity.”

Sick of getting ghosted or having other not-so-great experiences on dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, etc.? While the apps are an important part of the sex and relationship landscape these days, there are lots of other stimulating ways to meet dating and relationship partners. Camille Virgina, author of The OFFline Dating Method: 3 Steps to Attract Your Perfect Partner in the Real World, breaks it down. We also get into how to overcome by social anxiety and loneliness — two common obstacles to dating. Whether you're looking for a new sex or dating partner after a divorce or other breakup, wanting a new polyamorous connection, or just to make new friends, you'll get something out of this candid and uplifting convo on connection.

There's a critical dating/relationship skill that some men have mastered, and it makes a huge difference on our side. It makes us feel special and also has us relax such that we can show up in our most exquisite, sexy radiance. But we'll rarely explicitly ask for it. Kinda like certain things in sex, we don't always say this out loud, but it's on our minds and in our hearts.

What's great is that it's not even a difficult skill! A lot of our clients say things like, "Wow, this is easier than I was expecting." But it pays dividends in terms of boosting polarity.

It's also a relevant skill whether you're dating or in a committed relationship. If you want a woman to love spending time with you, get this down. Becoming adept at this skill will have women feel more secure with you and more turned on.

The exquisite hotness of a man with a plan cannot be underestimated.

The number one indicator of whether a marriage will succeed or fail is not about the quality of the match or anything else you might predict; it's whether each person has individuated from their family of origin. In other words, when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships -- especially long-term relationships like marriages -- your ability to set boundaries with your family is absolutely mission-critical.

If you desire a fun, healthy relationship with hot, connected sex and harmonious teamwork, you can have it ... but it takes consciousness work to transcend the wounding of the past. You know you must become aware of how your parents shaped you, but did you know patterns from your grandparents and other forebears can also be involved? Here, Mark Wolynn of The Family Constellation Institute and author of It Didn't Start With You, But It Can End With You breaks down how to heal ancestral trauma. Whether you're married, in a relationship, dating, or single, this is a powerful episode that proves two things: 1. The wounding from our past will repeat itself until it's healed. 2. It absolutely can be. [Note: this episode was originally aired on Ben Gorski's podcast, The Evolving Man.]

DROP-IN MEN'S GROUP THIS MONDAY, MAY 3 (referenced in the episode): https://evolutionary.men/event/drop-in-mens-group-5-03-21/

If you want a fun date idea (whether you're dating or in a relationship), listen to this! We talk about healthy sex, sexual expression, and how you as a man can help women open up even more. (Spoiler alert: burlesque, striptease, and sexy dance may be involved!)

Often the people who are the most sexually attractive to us are the ones who trigger all our "stuff." We call this "trauma sex," and quite frankly, it's hot. It's heavy. It's intense. It's addictive! And it happens to both men and women. Whether in a dating or relationship context (i.e. a marriage) you've ever felt like you couldn't stop sleeping with a woman who was toxic for you (perhaps even a narcissist or someone with Borderline Personality Disorder), you'll appreciate this candid discussion of red-hot sex with someone who's bad for you ... and how to break free of the pattern.

Ever been with a woman partner who was emotionally volatile? Ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, or that no matter what you did it wasn't enough and she was always disappointed in you?

If so, she may have had Borderline Personality Disorder ... or at least traits of it.

More people are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than schizophrenia and bipolar combined, yet few are familiar with it. Some mental health professionals estimate that a whopping 10% of the population contends with BPD, which psychologists are working to get renamed Emotional Regulation Disorder.

Here, we break down the 4 archetypes of Borderline women, and their male counterparts. Much of this is gleaned from Christine Lawson's book Understanding the Borderline Mother.

We also go over the ways each of the male archetypes can heal from the intense and unstable, exhausting, and often depleting relationship dynamics involved.

Remember: growth and healing are always possible, and nothing is set in stone. Personal growth works, so work it.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
• Dear Men episode 313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder)
• Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (book)
• Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (book)
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (book)
• Subreddit for BPD Loved Ones

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Want to support wildfire survivors in the LA area?

Go here. They list the families in the most dire need at the top. The long URL is:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pK5omSsD4KGhjEHCVgcVw-rd4FZP9haoijEx1mSAm5c/htmlview

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "'Children are the first to recognize and the last to admit that something is wrong with their mother.'" (from Understanding the Borderline Mother)
• "My wife is the fortress and I’m here to protect that."
• "There’s a theme of icing people out."
• "I’m willing to leave the relationship if you/we don’t get help."
• "You CAN change your patterns of attraction."

Ever feel like you need to be tough in order to be seen as "masculine" enough? Ever feel like you wish you could just let your guard down and be taken care of?

The truth is, it is a deep human need to be nurtured in relationship. It's neither masculine nor feminine, and we need to expand our awareness of and perception of love, relationship, and what it means to be taken care of, whether we're dating or in a committed long-term relationship.

Men need to feel safe, desired, and received just as much as women do. The shape that takes might differ, but the underlying need remains the same.

Here we delve into the wonderful world of feeling nurtured. I share personal stories from men in our community of moments when they've felt deeply nurtured by their women partners, as well as what nurturing means to them.

In love and even in sex, some of the most memorable moments are not those in which we feel red-hot desire, but when we feel the sweetness of connection.

This is part two of a two-part series on nurturing. For those who want to listen to both, the first is episode 343.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've go tit.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I feel nurtured when I am told I am fully seen, trusted, and loved for all that I am as I am."
• "The bravery to feel worthy."
• "We relate to men through roughness, and women through sex."
• "You can’t meet me where I’m at if you don’t see me."
• "The patriarchy says: 'I’ve got to do it by myself and without complaining and tough it out no matter what.'"
• "We have to take the mask off for somebody."

If your marriage isn't working, you're suffering. Maybe you're fighting all the time (whether aloud or not). Maybe you're great co-parents, but you don't connect in an intimate way anymore. And when I say "intimate" I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about warmth, closeness, and connection.

Should you automatically stay in a relationship because there are children involved?

The fact is, kids are perceptive and intuitive. They're aware when there's distance or discord between parents, even if they don't talk about it. And whatever you're doing in your relationship, you're role-modeling what a romantic relationship is. Is yours one you'd want your kids to have?

Here, we go over "making it work" and relationship dynamics that do affect the kids -- and not in a good way. Sometimes it's possible to repair a marriage, and sometimes it's not. Put more frankly, sometimes the best thing to do is to separate for both you and the kids.

Growth always requires getting uncomfortable, and if you want your family to truly thrive, sometimes delving head-on into discomfort is the brave and loving thing to do.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old, often intergenerational trauma patterns, and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

The penis: it's miraculous and can also prove frustrating for some men when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. What do you do when you can't get it up or you come too soon? Ruwan shares his personal journey overcoming erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

What's it like to be a black woman on dating apps? What does allyship look like in dating and relationships? What kinds of gifts do you get when you date inside your race vs. outside of it? Sex, dating, and relationships are intimate parts of our lives, and we experience them differently depending on our sex/gender, sexual orientation, and race (among other things). This fascinating, lively, and poignant discussion is deeply personal, illuminating, and a beautiful portrait of the intersection of 3 women's experience of being black and the world of dating.

Ever found yourself resentful of a relationship partner? Maybe you feel like you're always giving and never getting much in return. Perhaps you've seen her as selfish, not providing you with the respect, love, attention, or sex you need in order to feel connected.

Everyone has heard, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself," but what does loving yourself actually mean? Hint: It's not just taking bubble baths or treating yourself to fancy pastries.

Self-love is the bedrock of relationship, and it's deeply related to resentment, fulfillment, and -- perhaps unexpectedly -- parenting. It's also linked to healthy sex, dynamic dating, and honest relationships.

Whether you're currently in a romantic relationship, want to be in a relationship, or are somewhere in between, this is a critical skill to build. There are 3 myths about self-love. Can you guess what they are?

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Oh my God, I don’t even love myself, and this could be driving some of our relationship patterns."
• "It was like a low-level sadness, like something was missing in my life but I didn’t know what it was."
• "Anything I didn’t deem as a positive emotion, I didn’t make space for ... and that translated to my kids."
• "We are never the same self; you are always relating to a different self."
• "'I’ve got to work harder' is a trigger thought"
• “I need novelty.”

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From this episode:

• Megan’s podcast: Amory (amorypodcast.com)
• Megan’s mini-course on self-love (
• Our retreat, The Nature of Relating, in Costa Rica, Nov 9-14. Use code FRIENDOFMEL for $200 off (https://tinyurl.com/2p2ykrkz)

---

Work with us

Ready to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

More upcoming live events:

• The Heart of Shadow program run by Jason & Luke starts Sept 19th and includes a live retreat Oct 18-22. Dear Men listeners get 10% off tuition here: melaniecurtin.com/shadow

You can be an expert on your anxious, avoidant, or anxious/avoidant attachment style, but that doesn't necessarily help you actually get to healthy attachment. What does it actually take to get there? Tracy Crossley and I break it down, and in a fascinating twist we cover the link between healthy attachment to other human beings and your attachment to life itself. Tracy also shares her own in-depth experience of moving into healthy attachment over time — the work we each need to do solo, and then the work we must do in relationship.

To find Tracy's podcast: https://tracycrossley.com/podcast/

"I'm a comedian, and now I’m an accidental matchmaker!"

So says Alli, self-proclaimed theater geek and creator of Love Isn’t Blind — a new dating show where 4 men compete for 1 woman, and the men can’t speak. She's also the creator of the dating show where celebrities read your breakup texts.

What's especially interesting is that as someone reading hundreds of applications to her dating show, Alli has a fascinating breadth of experience when it comes to what men are looking for in women, and vice versa. As she says, "When you ask people what they want in a partner, it's revealing to hear what they lead with."

Here we talk about sex, dating, relationships, being a wingwoman or wingman (hint: if you're in a relationship, your job isn't over! Help out a shy or introverted person and you'll feel great about yourself). We also discuss how hot men are who are openminded, working on themselves and "secretly in men's groups." ;)

You'll want to listen to this fun and lively one!

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "In a post-pandemic world, there's a strong desire and real need for people to meet in person."
• "Looks are a weird thing." 
• "There's a certain freedom men feel to talk to me about dating when I’m not on a date with them."
• "We’re all making the same mistakes!"
• "I wanted something that would get people rowdy and meeting each other."

Mentioned on this episode:

• allisongoldberg.com
• howtobreakupbytext.com 
• loveisntblind.co (Love Isn't Blind happens live ever first Friday in LA, and Alli is also launching a tour soon, so if you're interested in being kept up to date, sign up for her newsletter.)

Women want to feel fully emotionally expressed around men, but where's the line between expression and abuse? Here, we take on the issue of women sharing their truth with full power (whether that's their rage, disappointment, desire, or hurt) -- when it's healthy expression, and when it's abusive. Whether you're in a committed relationship like a marriage, a dating relationship, or a sexual one, this is important to know to be a healthy, aware, and conscious man.

What's it like to be a man on Bumble, versus a woman? How do you respond as a guy when your date starts telling you about her possible Tinder threesome sex? All that plus the question of what we're all doing on the apps in the first place. Is it really about hookups, love, and relationships, or something else entirely?

Three men get real about their sexual fantasies and how they fit in with real women, sex, dating, relationships, and more. We also go over the top ten most popular male fantasies.

Does a part of you ever feel like just giving up? It's too much, it's too heavy, it's too complicated, it's too hard. Or has it ever felt like, "What's the point?"

The truth is, we all have points in our lives when we feel overwhelmed. This can also show up in the, "Here I am again… I’m in the SAME SPOT. I always circle back to this.'"

If you're single, perhaps it's: "Nothing's working in dating." If you're partnered, it could be: "I'm trying and trying, but nothing’s working to get us reconnected."

Or as Jason says, "In my relationship, it would be anytime that I would get activated into feeling like I’m not enough."

Here we go into what's happening on a physiological level when this part is showing up for you -- the two poles. These are dorsal shutdown — disassociation/sleepy/collapsed/yawning; and sympathetic overdrive — hyper/activated/manic/wired/anger.

We talk about how to recognize these states, and what to do it when you do. Hint: "Connection and movement are two of the most important things. And sometimes to shift our mindset, we have to shift our body first."

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Our whole system just shuts down, and we’re frozen or disassociated."
• “What’s the point of trying? What’s the point of getting angry? What’s the point of connecting with someone online? It’s not going to change.”
• "It’s a deep place of suffering when we don’t feel like we have agency over our own life."
• "Rumination — our mind is racing but our body isn’t moving."
• "The optimal place is in the middle: We’re engaged, and we’re relaxed."
• "One of the ways we get back to that relaxed state is through social connection."
• "One breath, one step."
• “If we can be with it, we can be free from it.”

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?

In the world of advanced sexual mastery for men, the non-ejaculatory orgasm (aka "energetic orgasm" or "full-body orgasm") looms large. In this episode, Cam Fraser, Australia's leading sex coach for men, gets into the details around this. Because if this kind of sexual mastery is interesting to you as a penis-owner, you may wonder: How do you actually get there? What do you have to develop (and how) in order to be able to come without actually ejaculating? And what does this kind of mastery have to do with how good you are in bed? The answer might surprise you. Other topics we cover here: semen retention, what it was like for Cam to overcome his own experience with erectile dysfunction/premature ejaculation, how he got on the personal growth path, and what it means for sex with a partner when you take ejaculation off the table. Hint: it can be great in both dating and relationships.

"How do I get consent?" is a common question men who have sex with women have when it comes to sexy time. Even movie stars need help when it comes to presenting "sex" with consent and healthy boundaries. Did you know Intimacy Coordinators are a thing? They help actors, directors, and others shoot smokin' hot sex scenes that include healthy communication, consent, boundaries, and teamwork. Hearing from these two Intimacy Coordinators is both illuminating and encouraging, especially as they outline common differences between men and women when it comes to their needs and desires around sex, boundaries, and consent.

Men and women have different experiences in the world, including around sex and safety. We talk through times men have done things that felt creepy vs. things that have had us feel safe, whether in dating, relationships, or otherwise.

Want to have (and maintain) hot sex in relationships? You need to know about polarity. Violet Lange, sexuality mentor for women, joins us as we discuss the masculine, feminine, and beyond. 

As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you!

We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.

And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self.

If you identify as a Nice Guy, it's likely that you're working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don't just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we've worked with who've gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself."
• "It was easier to just let her control everything, and not assert much agency, let alone power. This worked for a while, but eventually blew up in my face."
• "I’m happy to interrupt people now (in a way I did not used to)."
• "I often used to fall into others people’s desires or wants."
• "In relationship it’s, 'Here’s my truth, what’s your truth, and then how can we empower each other?'"
• ---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Other episodes related to this one:

• Episode 239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it?
• Episode 6: From "Nice Guy" to Confident With Women & Married to a Goddess

Ever been abused by a woman partner? Been with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? If so, you're not alone. But you may be confused.

Physical abuse is pretty clear — if someone throws something at you or hits you, you know they're abusive. But what about emotional abuse? The line between her healthy emotional expression and emotional abuse can be blurry sometimes, especially if you're isolated and haven't told anyone about what's going on.

Secrets are rarely healthy, and never when it comes to relationship issues that have you feeling depressed, anxious, or on edge. Whether you're single, in a dating relationship, or married, you should know what's OK to tolerate and what's not. This is also a good episode for anyone who has related with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. We go into the difference between a woman's healthy expression of feelings like disappointment, anger, or frustration — and what crosses the line into abuse.

Why is the divorce rate so high? What can couples do to increase their odds? One concrete thing is premarital counseling. Filmmaker Roger Nygard interviewed dozens of sex, dating, and relationship experts (including psychologists and social biologists) to come up with some other interesting answers.

Ahhh, the conundrum: Your partner does something you don't like but you don't know how to say so, so you just let it ride (and resentment builds). Or there's something you do want from her ... but you don't know how to say it.

This can also sound like, "How do I tell my partner I want something without seeming demanding?" or, "How do I share my needs without being needy?" or, "How do I tell her [something hard] without pissing her off, or having her feeling judged??"

Real talk: Most of us didn't have healthy communication role-modeled to us in our family of origin. So when these kinds of things happen, we don't know what to say:

• Your dating partner wants to hang out this Friday evening, but you want alone time
• You want to try something new in sex with your wife, but have no idea how to bring it up
• Your woman partner is going through a hard time and has been leaning on you a lot, and you need a break

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The good news? This is doable. You can learn how to communicate your needs skillfully in relationship, and it makes all the difference. Whether it's about sex, dating, or a relationship issue, the freedom to bring up and hold space for challenging subjects is not only deeply masculine, but of deep service in the world.

Memorable quotes from this episode: 

• "I guess I’ll just tolerate it."
• "Under every complaint is a desire."
• "Sharing desire is inherently vulnerable."
• "We have to teach our partners how to love us."

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

What's it like to be a black man in the world of dating and relationships? What role does emotional safety play in a healthy sex and relationship life, and what is that like for men vs. women? We experience sex, dating, and relating in different ways depending on our race, sex/gender, and sexual orientation (among other things). The sometimes overlapping and sometimes distinct experiences of these 3 different men touches on themes around love, connection, racism, allyship, and the ways we experience our humanity through romantic relationship.

Whether in sex, dating, or relationships, both men and women grapple with how to be in their power. If being powerful doesn't mean being controlling, what does it mean? A woman in a relationship with a man is profoundly impacted by how much he's owning his own sense of self, boundaries, and attraction. We cover all this as well as the importance of the phrase, "Maybe it's a bath night."

Ever had a hard time communicating about what you like (or don't like) in bed? Maybe you didn't want to hurt your partner's feelings or didn't know how to say it. Men, women, sex, love, dating, romance, and partnership are complicated -- here's the best of my sex research so far to help.

What's the best to support a woman who tells you about sexual abuse/assault? Here, two women share their personal stories of men who've done it poorly, and those who've done it exceedingly well. Not to be missed.

Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy.

Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations.

Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork.

Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both).

And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "The next stage of evolution is self-inquiry."
• "Consciousness expands in such a way that says, ‘I need help.'"
• "I have this deep desire to expand."
• "Beneath that knot of unworthiness is ultimate consciousness."
• "The core intention is to open the heart, and to heal."

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Book: Conscious Breathing: How Shamanic Breathwork Can Transform Your Life by Joy Manné
• Breathwork Breakthrough (advanced course led by me and Luke, starting mid-March. Email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com for more info)

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.

But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.

If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you're dating someone or in a committed relationship), it's helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it's always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in asking is part of becoming the unstoppable, sexually empowered divine masculine.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I was like ... what?!"
• "Sex is important to human beings."
• "I almost feel like telling a man the sex isn't good is a mortal sin."
• "He played me like a fine instrument."

Ever felt "flat" in life? Like you've done a lot of the things you were "supposed" to do, but you're still not fulfilled? Or perhaps you just have this nagging feeling that more is possible.

This is often a subtle pattern, but it's one we've seen in a number of our clients. Some have got a pretty good relationship with pretty good sex, but the sense that the level of depth and closeness with their partner could be much richer. Others have experienced success in certain aspects of life (i.e. job/career), and are struggling because it almost seems a bit "selfish" to want or expect more. But they yearn for, yes, more.

If you've ever had a gnawing feeling of emptiness, or a growing suspicion that there's MORE to be experienced in your life, you're not alone. And you're not wrong. We frequently find that the men showing up with this kind of pattern do have a way out, and that what's waiting on the other side of the path forward is more glorious than perhaps they were even anticipating.

How do you know if monogamy is right for you? Ever been curious about what it would actually be like to be a swinger, or date other people while still being in a healthy marriage?

Jackie was actually married twice, in two traditional, monogamous relationships (with kids), before she connected with John — or, in fact, reconnected with him, since they actually went to high school together.

By that point, John was running several clubs for swingers, and Jackie was curious to hear more. She went on a deep dive in researching monogamy, ethical non-monogamy (open relationships), how people "do" swinging and/or other sexual exploration in a way that feels authentic and true to them, and more.

The two then built a beautiful relationship based on openness, trust, and true vulnerability.

If you've ever wondered how exactly it "works" in a relationship that's more open, where you can play with other people (i.e. have full-on sex or just to be sexual some way), listen to this. According to Jackie and John, it can actually bring you closer, with tremendous personal growth.

In particular, when you don't have to cut off that part of you that engages with the spark of life, things get fun and fiery. Flirting, ethical non-monogamy, jealousy, fulfillment, love, and healthy relationships can all coexist, and bring even more joy and magic into your world.

Notable quotes from this episode:

• “I assumed that once I got married, my partner and I would be 100% satisfied.” 
• “Monogamy never really felt like ‘me.’”
• “If you’re able to walk through your fear you become a stronger person — more whole.”
• “One of the greatest gifts was it allowed me to get in touch with how I viewed myself, how I can grow, how I can feel confident in my relationship.”
• “We’re very conscious of what we do in our relationship. We want both of us to be operating from the best place.”

Men are often shamed for having emotions, which is holding back men, women, and culture as a whole. As a man, how do you deal with your anger, sadness, and also your joy? How do your emotions impact your sex? It turns out a man being emotionally skillful is part of what has him feel SAFE to the feminine. Healthy women *want* a man knows how he feels and can process those feelings. Here's how one man navigated getting there while being present to his masculinity.

Ever experienced the relationship pattern where she essentially says, "I was hurt by this thing you did," or, "I need you to love me better/differently" — and then you feel like you've failed, pull away, and maybe even have the desire to just stop trying altogether?

Whether you're in a dating relationship or a long-term, committed relationship like a marriage, this is a very common relationship pattern. It can be easy for women to be critical or share feedback in ways that are not at all constructive (sometimes even bullying). And it can be easy for a man, when he feels he has let down/disappointed his partner, to get defensive or withdraw (or both), which can trigger even more upset. This, then, can affect your sex life as well as your emotional intimacy.

How do two people meet in the middle here? How does she soften and share feedback in an openhearted way, and how does he receive it without collapsing and/or entering into a shame spiral?

The good news is that it is possible to grow here, and for both partners to meet each other in the middle.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Hearing that nothing was ever good enough for her made me withdrawal into passivity and inaction. Why do anything for her when I’m always going to be shot down for trying?"
• "One of the masculine’s main fears: We can’t provide enough, we’re not emotional enough, we’re not communicating enough … we’re not enough."
• "I felt deeply met by him when he did that ... it was the first time I'd ever felt fully expressed that way with a man."

Mentioned on this episode:

Dear Men episode 128: Recognizing the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

Ready to go beyond the podcast?

We love to work with men who are ready to do the work!

If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help.

Take action here.

There's a cool hack we come to in this episode about how to become more masculine. The fact is, traditional views of masculinity are outdated in sex, dating, and relationships. We need a new model for what a sexy AND mature man looks like in the world. Men's coach Jeffrey Platts shares an easy way to do this in a powerful and exciting way.

Men and women meet, date, have sex, and get married from online dating. Eve Peters created her own dating app to help make the dating process feel easier and smoother, and has some brilliant insights about the future of both online and dating "in real life."

As a culture we don't talk about this a lot, but what happens when you're jealous of your partner? Not jealous in the traditional sense, but wanting to feel as successful as your partner — say financially, or career-wise.

It can be hard to handle it when your partner is doing better than you in a certain way, because while you want to be happy for them, you may also wish you had that great job, opportunity, money boost, etc. As a man, this may hit extra-hard if you feel like you "should" be the one to contribute more financially. (What if she makes more than you?)

The fact is, if you're in a long-term relationship, each of you is going to go through different seasons in life. Sometimes one of you will be up, and the other will be down in a certain area. So whether you're dating or in a long-term relationship, this dynamic is worth exploring. Believe it or not, it can actually bring the two of you closer together if you remain awake, aware, and are willing to engage in conscious dialogue.

Flirting is an art ... and one we adore! Here we discuss the men who've flirted well, and what they did. Whether in dating, sex, or a relationship, flirting is one of the best parts of life and should be celebrated!

If you're talking about men & women, sex & dating, relationships & turn-on, eventually you're going to talk about porn. A multi-billion dollar industry, it's both polarizing and perpetual. Respect for performers (porn stars) is just one part of the equation. Ethical porn is sexy ... and important.

One pattern we've often seen in our clients (and lived ourselves) is feeling like our partner needs us in order to feel OK. This can start to feel like a burden, especially if it's a constant pattern.

The truth is, it is each partner’s responsibility to tend to their nervous systems and be able to regulate their emotions enough to be able to regularly come to the relationship with presence and energy.

But what do you do when someone's going through a hard time, or they've gotten used to leaning on you for support? This kind of thing can affect a dating or long-term relationship, and it tends to impact everything in your dynamic (including the sex).

Here, we go through the ins and outs of this pattern, including its origins and how you can start to address it proactively with a love partner.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “When she was feeling down, she needed a lot of support and attention from me.”
• “One partner can often keep giving and giving and giving and get burnt out.”
• “One of the benefits of relationship is co-regulation.”
• “She felt rejected because I needed to take space.”
• "It’s fair to say, 'I need you to have meaningful support outside the relationship in order to feel secure in our connection.'"

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever wanted to get freaky in bed but worried what your partner would think? Here, we get down and dirty about sex, dating, safe words, trust, relationships, and how to bring things to the next level in bed with words. Men and women alike will benefit from this sexy education in how to do dirty talk well.

Yep, we're talkin' about cocks! When it comes to penises, there are all different kinds, and as women who have sex with men we've seen a whole variety. Sex, dating, and relationships with penis-owners wouldn't be the same without that magical appendage. Your cock is sacred and we love it. Here we discuss whether size matters in sex, and what kind of cock play we enjoy. ;)

My sex research and course mentioned in this episode: www.pleaseherinbed.com

Guy Blaise is a Frenchman who has lived in the U.S. for a number of years. As a man who has dated and had sex with both European and North American women, he has an intriguing perspective. Here we delve into the differences between dating in France and the U.S., and the various questions raised by those, such as:

Why are French women more likely to tell a man what they like or don't like in bed? How do you approach a European vs. North American woman, and why does that feel so different? Why is the fear of being creepy so prevalent in North America?

After writing his first book, Love Like the French, Blaise also received hundreds of letters from American and Canadian women asking for dating and relationship advice. We also discuss the fascinating world of what kinds of things the women wrong in about -- and what all men can take from that.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "You go to Barcelona, love is on the subway."
• "Treat your partner like she’s your best customer."
• "In France, women are very outspoken."
• "Sex doesn't start in the bedroom."

Guy's site: The French Perspective, which includes his books Love Like the French and Love Like a Man

Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;)

So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better.

I love polarity work because it can make a concrete difference in sex, love, dating, and relationships. I've seen countless clients ditch old dating advice, learn about this, and then say, "Wow, this polarity thing really works on a date." Or, "Man, I wish I'd known about polarity sooner ... my marriage might have gone differently."

The fact is, no one teaches us about dating and sexuality and HOW to connect well. Most men don't learn how to flirt with girls, how to polarize a partner, or even what polarity is. Yet it's a fundamental relationship dynamic that can help with everything.

Here we lay out five practical ways to polarize a woman partner into her feminine, helping her to drop into her heart and soften. If you've ever wondered why certain evenings with your wife or girlfriend were magical, while others felt like pulling teeth, this may help.

And if you're a man who has sex with women and you want to help your woman soften, receive more of your love, and relax into even deeper levels of trust, this one is for you.

Quick note: We talk about this on the podcast and wanted to include it here: If you suspect your partner may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (i.e. nothing you do ever seems to make a difference with her), polarity work won't cut it.

You may also want to listen to our episode on that subject: 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder.

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Oral sex can be super hot. In fact, some people consider it even more intimate than intercourse.

As one writer put it, "Sexual intercourse is mostly selfish. Sure, you want the other person to get off, but your own orgasm is your first priority. But giving head is, at the core, a selfless act."

Speaking of orgasm, 70%+ of women who have sex with men don't tend to cum through intercourse ... but many can if you go down on them! Yep, going down on her can be super important in some cases, since it can be a reliable way to help your woman partner to get off.

Whether you're dating women or you're in a long-term relationship like a marriage, oral can be a delightful part of your sexual repertoire. But how do you navigate it and make sure it's good for all involved? What, for example, do you do if a woman is actually uncomfortable receiving oral sex (and if that woman is your wife)?

Here, we delve into all that and more -- the good, the bad the ugly -- of going downtown.

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Mentioned on this episode:

The GirlTalk episode on how to go down on a woman (episode 152)

The course based on my sex research: Please Her In Bed

Ready to go beyond the podcast?

We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here.

Ever feel like you're dragging? Like you don't have enough energy to do all the things you want to do, or just wish you had more oomph in general?

The fact is, when you're healthy and vital, you're more attractive. You also want to have sex more (your libido goes up). You're more likely to go for what you want in dating. And you show up as the best version of yourself in long-term, committed relationships like marriages. You inspire those around you. You've got what you need to go after your goals.

Martial artist and masculine vitality expert Michael Holt has a lived experience of feeling energetically depleted and emotionally down. Yet he turned things around and now helps other men do the same. There are both physical as well as emotional landscapes involved in boosting your energy. The good news? You can be more vital, strong, healthy, and alive than you ever have been -- no matter how old you are.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “The primary regulation strategy in this culture is distraction.”
• “Why am I in the desert with a bunch of damn hippies? Oh my God, have I become a hippie?”
• “The highest act of service is healing yourself.”

Michael's IG: @savageandsaint

It's a phrase we throw around a lot, but what does it actually mean? The fear of commitment is intimately related to a fear of something else that's both unexpected and critical to address when it comes to having healthy sex, dating, and relationships.

Ever wondered whether you can have a passionate marriage even if the beginning was rocky? Ever wanted to know what powerful, sexy women really want from their partners? Here, Anna Rova shares her experience of moving from a less-than-stellar first sexual experience with a man, to saying YES to marrying him a year later. How does that work!? The answer is pretty great ("Oh, he definitely didn't have game when we met."). We also cover what it means for strong, successful women to "do the work," stories about men, the role of dating & relationships in the modern world, and the future of fully awake, alive partnerships.

Sometimes it feels like men and women speak different languages. Masculine and feminine communication is distinct, but it doesn't have to break us (up). Strong, healthy relationships - including the sex part - rely on good communication. 

If you’ve become aware that you experienced developmental trauma (and/or attachment wounding), you may wonder how to heal from it.

Where do you go to move through stuck parts of yourself that are holding you back? How do you get things moving and release blocks so you can finally get what you want in sex, dating, and relationships?

Jason was a self-proclaimed late bloomer Nice Guy with developmental trauma — he had sex for the first time at 26, and still had a lot to learn around dating. Plus, he was often numb and felt like life was sort of happening to him. He wanted more, but didn't know how to get there.

Then he went to a men’s work workshop where a mentor took just twenty minutes to get him to a place he hadn’t touched in 3 full years of talk therapy.

It was transformational.

(And now he’s married to a beautiful, self-aware, radiant woman with whom he has a thriving relationship.)

Here’s the story of how he got there — and how you can, too

Evolutionary Men Retreat

Ready to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 5 slots left.

Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.

• To sign up or learn more, go here.

When is it time to stay and work on things in your marriage, and when is it time to let things go? Perhaps you can relate to scenarios like these:

• You're worn out and exhausted because you're always the one reaching out to your wife and never getting anything back
• You're great co-parents but your sex life is DOA
• As a couple you rarely or never openly fight, but there's constant, underlying tension
• You feel like you can never get it right with her, and often feel hopeless about experiencing the intimacy you so deeply crave

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The truth is, sometimes it's clear that a relationship isn't working, but sometimes it isn't. If you're unsure and trying to figure it out on your own, you're not alone.

Many of our clients have been through the muck and confusion of trying to figure out their marriage, and here they share the depth of their hearts in that process.

Both marriage and divorce can be sources of great pain, shame, and longing. They can also be sources of transformation, spiritual growth, awakening, and freedom.

Here we delve into what to do when you don't yet have clarity around your marriage. We also touch on what it takes to improve your relationship, and how to make the determination with as much grace as possible.

And remember: "There can absolutely be miraculous turnarounds in relationships when both partners are committed and willing."

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "It’s very easy for men to fall into a place of isolation in life."
• "If one person is not willing to step into the growth, there’s not much you can do."
• "I keep inviting my partner into that and she’s unwilling."
• "Sometimes the greatest act of leadership is to stop tolerating mediocrity."
• "When there’s a vibrant, passionate sexual connection between the couple, it lights up the whole family system."

This simple practice can also improve your sleep, help you focus, calm your nervous system, and keep you grounded in a world where you may frequently feel overwhelmed. It can also be an important element of an ongoing healthy relationship with your partner.

What does it mean to be a good husband?

Many men we work with were trained to take care of everyone else before themselves. They often feel burnt out, and like they don't get nearly as much back as they give.

If you've ever felt like you've tried everything you can to make your woman happy, but this only results in both of you being miserable ... you might be able to relate.

Or perhaps you've lived some version of, "No matter how hard I try to please her -- how much I do -- it's never enough."

Here, we talk about why this is. If he's bending over backwards to do what he thinks she wants, why doesn't it work?

The answer lies in part with polarity, in part with childhood trauma (because of course), and in part with the fallacies of being a lone wolf.

Related questions we cover:

• What does it mean to be a provider in modern times? (Hint: It's got nothing to do with money)
• How does this pattern impact sexual polarity?
• If it's not about sacrifice, then what does it actually mean to be a good husband?

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “If we’re used to taking care of everyone else, we’ll often attract someone who needs to be taken care of.”
• “The trouble with ‘please and appease’ is that it leads to deep resentments.”
• “We have this fantasy that if she were happy, she'd naturally give me what I need, whether sexual connection, support, time, etc.”
• “When we feel a partner not respecting themselves, it causes contempt or disdain.”
• “What it means to be a provider is changing.”
• “The most valuable status is connection to community.”
• “Our relationships should be a source of wellness.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?
• Dear Men 345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder)
• Dear Men 292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit

When you think of the success of your relationship, or how to improve your marriage, the first thing you think of might not be how close your male friendships are. But if you're lonely (and you can definitely be lonely while you're dating someone or with your relationship partner -- hell, you can even be lonely during sex itself if it doesn't feel connected), then everything in your life is impacted.

Weston Karnes created the game Let's Get Real Bro to help make it really accessible for guys to connect with each other. Questions like, “If you were dating yourself, what parts would really suck?” -- are not ones you'd normally pose to your guy friends, but they can make conversations deeper, richer, and, well, funnier. If you've been feeling like there's something "off" in your sex, dating, or love life but can't put your finger on it, take a listen. There may be something here.

Whether in dating or a relationship, being sexually and emotionally shut-down is painful. Here's one woman's story of how she became more open, and how her man played a significant role along the way.

Three men share their journeys from stress and anxiety around dating, sex, and relationships to ease in both dating and in life. Their truth is refreshing on having deep, healthy, and fulfilling healthy relationships with women (and dating advice). 

Ever felt like there was a "right" answer to a question a woman asked you, or a "right" way to respond to a situation with her? Did it feel like if you did the "wrong" thing, there would be consequences? Then you've likely been tested!

Testing (also known as "feminine testing" -- or sometimes a term I personally dislike -- "shit testing" -- can be a confusing and frustrating experience to be on the receiving end of. Testing can happen in the early phases of dating, as well as once you're in a long-term committed relationship.

As is true with many things in sex, dating, and relationships, there are nuances here that make this complex. Many women aren't even consciously aware of their tests. For others, testing is about seeking some kind of control; or a trauma background means they're very invested in ensuring that they know the truth, and testing is how they believe they're sure to get it.

Here we share our own personal experiences of testing -- how we define it, why we did/do it, what it sounded like, and the vulnerabilities underneath. We also discuss how the ways a man responds to tests can potentially lead to more connection, respect, and, ultimately, love.

As one member of GirlTalk put it, "At the core level it's, 'Do you love me?'"

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "For me, knowing the truth has me feel safe."
• "How hard is he trying to see me and get to know me better?"
• "It’s OK that you’re angry with me right now."
• "Will you fight for me to stay?"
• "Are you going to create space for me to talk about my feelings?" 
• "I really want to hear what you have to share. It’s important to me."

As a sex researcher, I've repeatedly noticed a trend when men share with me about their love lives: Some men are more comfortable using overly sexual words, while others appear to solely be comfortable using euphemisms (i.e. "being intimate" instead of "having sex"). What does this choice of words have to do with having a healthy sex, dating, and relationship life? Jason outlines his own journey around reclaiming his own sexual power -- and the effect on not only his sexual partners but his life in doing so.

Ever been with a partner where you wanted more sex than she did? It can be more than just frustrating -- it can kill a relationship. It's not always about libido, either -- often it's a pleasure & communication issue. It's really hard for a woman to tell a man that something he's doing hurts, or isn't working. In fact, 10% of women say it's "impossible" to speak up when something isn't working in sex. Whether you're dating, in a relationship, or married, learning to skillfully talk about sex (and how to make it insanely pleasurable for her) makes things better both inside and outside the bedroom.

There's a frequent pattern in male/female relationships where he feels like she wants him to read her mind, he feels like he can never get it right, and she emasculates him. Here, we discuss the deeper, underlying reasons for it, how to address it, and what it means for your sex life as well as the relationship (hint: it's not good! But it can get better). We also touch on reverse polarity and what it means to lead in relationship. The goal is always for you to feel respected, her to feel supported, and for both of you to be able to get your needs met.

Both men and women want even better, more connected sex (for that matter, who doesn't)? Whether you're having casual sex, in a dating relationship, or married, all couples can use a boost when it comes to high-quality communication about sex. This is a great episode for those who want an easy way to deepen their sex life.

A pattern Jason and I see over and over in our work with men is exposed here, and it's critical to having and maintaining healthy relationships. Whether it's for dating, sex, or relationships, the kinds of women you attract aren't random; it's important to know how to get the women who are good for you, and avoid the ones that are bad for you.

Ever felt like your wife or partner has sex with you just to fulfill her duty in the relationship? That she's not really into it, but knows she "should" or feels like she "must"?

If so, you're not alone -- for many men, one of the most painful experiences in long-term relationships is feeling like their partner is just "letting" them have sex with them, but doesn't really want to be doing it. It can be immensely lonely, not to mention demoralizing.

Fortunately things don't have to stay this way. Here, we talk about the loneliness inherent in this kind of sexual and relational dynamic, and how to come out of it. If you've ever wanted to be closer with your wife or partner but haven't known how to get there, this is one to listen to.

For many men, there's nothing better than knowing that you're deeply trusted. And for many women, a man who inspires profound trust also inspires deep, embodied surrender — including sexually. Combine polarity and trust, and you've got a powerful relationship. So what does it take for a man to be deeply trusted by the feminine? Here, we reveal the traits that are the most important to us when it comes to how trustable a man is, whether we're dating, in relationship, or simply having sex with him. Whether you're looking to improve your marriage, inspire a new dating partner, or become the man you've always longed to be when it comes to being trustworthy, you'll get something out of this candid discussion of the men who inspired our deep trust, and to whom we wanted to gratefully and gracefully surrender.

It's not always easy to find fun, sex-positive environments where women feel safe to be fully expressed and men also feel totally welcome. Whether you're polyamorous, curious about more open relationship-style connections, or just want a sexy, flirty vibe on a trip, there's something for you here. Temptation and Desire are the name of the game -- and can lead to growth and joy in sex, dating, and relationships.

Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power.

Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on.

In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.”

To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like:

What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship?

How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship?

Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so?

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I wasn’t taught to attune to myself, or advocate for myself.”
• ‘“Life just happening to us’ (as Nice Guys) vs. ‘I have the power to impact my life.’”
• “Confrontational tolerance is critical.”
• “It tends to bring guys alive.”

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 128: Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
• Dear Men episode 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything -- this is the one I reference, where we talk about emotional neglect
• 250: How do you re-polarize a relationship (bring back the spark)? ft. Jason Lange -- this one explores the concept of polarity as well as reverse polarity

If you've ever been with an emotionally volatile partner or perhaps suspected that you yourself might be emotionally volatile, you hopefully already know about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). (And if you haven't, we have lots of episodes on the subject!)

Here, we talk to a therapist whose clientele is largely comprised of those contending with BPD. What's it like to be a therapist who works with clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? What are some of the big challenges and greatest rewards?

"Can BPD be treated?" "Is it possible to recover from BPD?" "How does therapy work when it comes to BPD?" are a few common questions -- all of which we address.

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Then I will see the ‘flip’ take place."
• "There can be this, ‘How dare you?’ response — or, ‘Are you saying I’m bad?’"
• "Ideally I’m asking people to talk about it instead of acting it out."
• "The treatment takes place in the relational field between us (client and practitioner)."
• "I’m inviting people to communicate instead of act out their hurt or distress."
• "The core feature is the fear of abandonment … being left or rejected."
• "There can be chronic feelings of emptiness that people describe (which can be related to a lack of sense of self)."
• "Partners will often talk about the intense anger outbursts."
• "The hallmark defense mechanism is splitting, which is seeing people or situations as all good or all bad."
• "No one is there for me and no one will ever be there for me. Everyone lets me down. I desperately want to be taken care of, but I can’t trust anyone to take care of me."
• "Over and over again, there is going to be rupture and repair, which is the experience that this person did not have early on."

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Setareh Vatan's Psychology Today profile
• RBeyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – edited by Gunderson & Hoffman
• Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – by Rachel Reiland

Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life?

Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken?

Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships?

Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. Sometimes we just all need some support to break through big blocks.

Here, I talk with David Romero, psychedelic integration coach, about how microdosing psilocybin can help human beings live fuller, richer lives -- including in relationship.

So-called "magic mushrooms" have huge potential when it comes to healing. And with all the stresses of modern life, we can use all the advantages we can get when it comes to helping us to have more regulated nervous systems, heal attachment issues, and overcome chronic pain.

If you've ever been curious about microdosing psilocybin as a therapeutic modality, you won't want to miss this one.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "More often than not, the root causes of physical pain are deeply psychological."
• "We’re byproducts of the stress that took place before we even arrived in this world."
• "These things do amazing things because they help give you a different perspective."
• "It allows us to take a step back from the crisis our mind is putting us into."
• "I can confidently say it has made a profound impact on my life and my love relationship."

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• How to Change Your Mind -- mini-series on psychedelics used for healing, streaming on Netflix
• Fantastic Fungi -- excellent documentary on mushrooms (psychedelic as well as other kinds), streaming on Netflix

According to my sex research, women's number one sex problem is physical pain.

The truth is, it's painful when sex hurts -- for both people. Not just for the person experiencing it, but for their partner.

How do you handle it if she has pain during sex, whether you're just starting out in dating or you're in a committed relationship? And how do you handle your own emotional pain or guilt around still having sexual needs?

If you've ever been with a woman who was sleeping with you because she felt she "should," you know the pain of which I speak. Perhaps you were married and you sensed that she saw it as her wifely duty to keep you sexually satisfied. But that's not what you wanted -- you wanted her to be an enthusiastic participant in sex, not a passive recipient who was only doing it to please you.

Here, Z describes the ways she was actually quite sexually closed as a newlywed, despite having sex with her partner. She talks about the shifts she and her husband went through once they got married ... and how (lack of) sex played a big role in why they got divorced.

There are also deeper layers underlying this issue, and we delve into them. And spoiler alert -- the good news is that this story has a happy ending. Healing is always possible, and Z has experienced it. Sex is now pleasurable for her, and she's far more sexually open than before.

Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Masculine presence is like catnip to women. Whether on a date, in a relationship, or during sex, the more present a man is, the hotter it is. Here, we discuss how a man can quickly but permanently get more present -- a state that's not only more relaxing for him, but is super sexy to her.