Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri (Annalisa Barbieri)

Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases specially recorded conversations between her and the experts she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every week you can learn more about yourself and the people around you. Topics covered in series one include, ‘the art of good listening’, ‘is my relationship over or is this just a blip?’ and, you can learn just why it is that teenagers think you’re always having a go at them.

Three series a year (that's what we aim for anyway!). Series 8 launches Autumn 2024. Series 7 out now.

Instagram: @pocketannalisa

Twitter: @AnnalisaB

Email: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

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Listening is a skill not everyone has and yet it's so important to every day relationships - and is at the core of 99% of the problems I hear about. In this episode I talk to Chris Mills, a psychotherapist about how to be a better listener, how to be heard (and learn how I got myself heard as a child in a noisy Italian family) with exercises you can try straight after listening. 

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Email your suggestions for future conversation topics to conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

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The teenage brain goes through incredible changes during adolescence. This not only explains their behaviour but, knowing what these changes are means you can help support them or - if you are the teenager - might help you understand yourself better. Rachel and I chat about what those neurological changes are and how they manifest. I also spoke to some teenagers who give invaluable insights into how to get the best out of them, what they find challenging about adult behaviour and why they always like to start up difficult conversations when you're already busy doing something else.

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This episode was a highly personal project, borne out of sitting with my dad as he was dying and realising I didn't know what to expect. I learnt that night that dying is a bit like birth, but in reverse. It's a process. Finding out about death and dying really helped me not only understand what was happening but make some sense of it. Here I speak to palliative care doctor Kathryn Mannix who has witnessed many people dying. If you think this might be scary, trust me it's actually reassuring and strangely calming.

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We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode we look at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs. I speak to psychotherapist John Paul Davies, who specialises in relationships.

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I used to think of trauma in terms of war and soldiers but actually trauma can affect anyone and impact every day life. Its effects can be felt in the brain and the body.

In this episode I talk to Dr Jo Stubley, who leads the adult section of the Trauma Service at the NHS's Tavistock Centre. Find out what trauma and PTSD is and what might make some people more susceptible to it. We also talk about how trauma memories are stored in different way to normal memories and perhaps most important of all, how to recognise trauma and begin to heal.

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We are so focused on the parent/child relationship we often overlook the sibling one, even though it is often the longest lasting relationship of our lives and can divulge various insights - if you know what to look for. A good sibling relationship can support and encourage you, a bad one can have profound and long-lasting effects.

In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Nicole Addis and we discover how looking at the relationship between you and your siblings - whatever age you are.

We also learn how, by looking at your children's sibling relationship it can teach you a lot about how they feel about you; why you should never express having a favourite child and how to foster a good sibling relationship or repair a rupture.

This episode concludes Series 1. Series 2 will be released in the autumn of 2021, although we have some topics lined up if there's something you'd like us to cover email us at conversationswithannailsa@gmail.com

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Blended families, bonus families, step families whatever you call them, joining together two or more families can be tricky. What do you call your “new” mum/dad/sibling, how do you cope with issues that may come up, what’s the delicate line between being accepting and having boundaries?

I discuss all this and more - including the positives - with psychotherapist Katherine Walker who is accredited by the UKCP and BACP and whose area of interest is blended families and helping them develop healthy bonds and attachments; so much so that she did an MA on the “psychological impact of being a member of a blended family from the perspective of the stepmother.” 

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It’s only in the last few years that I’ve really looked into intimacy and what it actually, practically, means. A lot of people use it as a by-word for sex but here’s where it gets interesting because intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing. In fact a lot of people use sex to avoid intimacy.

Stephen Blumenthal and I discuss what is and isn’t intimacy, how to know if you’ve got it and maybe, how to find it if it’s so far eluded you. Stephen is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst , accredited by the British Psychoanalytic Council. He has specialist expertise in treating people who have problems with relationships and intimacy, difficulty expressing emotions, sex addiction and compulsive use of pornography.

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I get so many problems about this, not just through my column, but in real life. Some people have difficult family members who get more difficult as they get older.

Note: this isn’t about dementia this is about trying to navigate the difficulties you may face with an intransigent relative as they get older.

Maybe they need some care but won’t acknowledge it, or maybe they’ve become dangerous behind the wheel of a car and should give up driving, but don’t want to. Psychotherapist Chris Mills helps us look at what we can and can’t do, and how to separate out our emotions from the practicalities.

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Addiction is a word that’s overused and often misunderstood. In this episode I talk to systemic psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, who is also manager at the National Problem Gambling Clinic, Club Drug Clinic and the National Centre for Gaming Disorders. She works at the Central and North West NHS Foundation Trust in London. We look at what addiction is, what it isn’t, and how to get help if you think you or someone you love has an addiction to drugs, gaming, gambling or alcohol. 

Some useful links/further reading to look at after you’ve listened:

clubdrugclinic.cnwl.nhs.uk

The NHS Gambling clinic - gambling.cnwl@nhs.net  

National Gambling Helpline 0808 802 0133

National Centre for Gaming Disorders clinic (email: ncba.cnwl@nhs.net). 

parentzone.org.uk 

www.taminggaming.com

www.talktofrank.com 

The Drug Conversation, How to Talk to your children about drugs by Dr Owen Bowden-Jones is a great resource book about drugs and their effects.

Adfam.org.uk 

Alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk 

al-anonuk.org.uk 

mind.org.uk

https://www.gamcare.org.uk

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I wanted to call this “how to win an argument” but I realised it’s not all about winning or losing but finding common ground, or ground you can both tolerate to be on. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind who is a mediator and conflict resolution expert, having worked in war zones in the Middle East, Asia and Europe.

Gabrielle and I talk about how to manage differences between friends and family, how to start the conversation (she shares a brilliant technique), we look at what it’s not always about being right and how words don’t always make it better. Gabrielle was also my very first therapist when I was just out of my teens.

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Anyone who’s had a baby knows that probably the number one question you're asked is: are they sleeping through?

Some years ago, whilst researching a piece, I found out that babies aren’t meant to sleep through and there are biological reasons why this is and it blew my mind, given everything I was told at the time was that if my baby didn’t sleep through, I was somehow a failure.

Professor James McKenna is biological anthropologist, and a world specialist on baby sleep and we take a deep dive in this episode into what babies need, just why they aren’t meant to sleep through the night, we learn about their sleep cycles and how it’s never wrong to comfort your child. 

Jim is emeritus professor at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, the director of the mother-baby behavioural sleep laboratory and the dean’s executive professor at Santa Clara university. He joins us from San Francisco and for more information about his work and safe co-sleeping visit https://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

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How many of us had really good sex education, or anything that goes beyond the mere biological? In this episode I talk to COSRT and UKCP registered Silva Neves about what we wish we’d learnt, how to have ‘The Conversation’ with your children and why it should start probably earlier than you think and around the dinner table. We cover consent, why porn isn’t sex education. We also talk about the fun aspects of sex. 

Silva's book: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours.

Book recommendations:

What’s Happening to my Body for Girls or Boys.; Hair in Funny Places.; My Mummy Laid an Egg.

Bishuk - for at fourteen year olds and over.

If you’re a child and something is happening which is worrying you, Child Line https://www.childline.org.uk tel: 0800 1111.

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Dementia is a word which we've become increasingly familiar with over the years, but still, understandably, strikes fear in our hearts. In this episode I talk to Julie Green, Dementia UK's Deputy Clinical Lead and an Admiral nurse with thirty years experience caring for the elderly, twelve of them in a dementia specialist role.

We talk about the types of dementia, how best to 'be' with someone who has dementia eg: should you enter their world or correct their mistakes?

Caring for someone with dementia is isolating and can be soul destroying. Dementia UK has lots of useful information on its website: dementiauk.org and has a great helpline, run by trained Admiral nurses: 0800 888 6678.

Julie also recommends two books: Validation: Feil Method by Naomi Feil; and Dementia Reconsidered, Revisited; the person sill comes first by Tom Kitwood.

I hope you find this episode supportive and helpful.

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I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing when adoption is discussed). When adoptees write to me, they often talk of constantly looking for something, as if something is missing, or they feel 'unlovable', no matter how much they are in fact loved. In turn they feel they can't talk about this for fear of upsetting their adoptive parents. And there's a narrative that adoptees are 'lucky' and 'chosen' which makes voicing any negative feelings very hard.

In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy who once said that parents who adopt children often have a 'three course meal of love prepared for the child, but the child can only handle a teaspoon at a time'. This phrase really resonated with my readers.

Alison's book is called A is for Adoption and it's a highly recommended read. She also recommends some other resources:

Books:

https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/oct/22/top-10-books-about-adoption-chosen-by-adopted-children

Alison’s book A is For Adoption:

https://www.routledge.com/A-for-Adoption-An-Exploration-of-the-Adoption-Experience-for-Families-and/Roy/p/book/9780367439477

It Didn't Start With You - Mark Wolynn

The Primal Wound - Nancy Verrier

Why love matters by Sue Gerhardt

The Red Dust Road by Jackie Kay

Parenting Matters: Parenting a child with difficulties in learning caused by trauma

Respark by Dr Graham Music

The secret garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

How are you peeling by Saxton Freymann

Why be happy when you could be normal by Jeanette Winterson

Children and young people

feeling different - bullying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/54964969

Books about adoption for children/older children

The Unmapped Chronicles and Sky Song - Abi Elphinstone

Dragon Rider - Cornelia Funke

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson-Burnett

The Northern Light Trilogy - Philip Pullman

The Polar Bear Explorer’s Club - Alex Bell

Websites and useful articles

How to win an argument with a teenager https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/07/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-teenager

Coram BAAF https://corambaaf.org.uk

Adopt UK https://www.adoptionuk.org

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This was a listener requested topic. Boundaries form the basis of all our relationships, be they with family, work colleagues or romantic partners. Boundaries even matter if you're travelling on public transport! In this episode Armele Philpotts explains how anger is a really useful tool to alert us to a boundary being crossed. How to make boundaries, what they tell us about ourselves, and how to keep them.

Armele is a psychotherapist in private practice who specialises in healthy relationships and the effects of trauma. Her website is at: https://apcounselling.wordpress.com/

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Grief and death are terrifying words for many of us. Of all the emotions, I’ve found, we really try to body swerve grief. But the thing is, grief doesn't go away if you ignore it. You can't cheat grief, so in this episode we try to look it in the face and talk about why it's important to start processing it and how you might go about this.

I speak with psychotherapist and bereaved mother Jane Harris. I first met Jane, and her photographer and film-maker husband Jimmy Edmunds, almost ten years ago. Their son, Josh, had died in a road accident in Vietnam two years earlier. He was 22.

I'd gone to interview Jane and Jimmy for an article I was writing for the Guardian family section on how to organise a different sort of funeral.

Despite their pain, they were so generous and meeting them changed me and my approach to death and grief.

Jane and Jimmy created the Good Grief Project, a charity dedicated to creative and active approaches to grief. They run some amazing retreats for the bereaved and have made some wonderful films, and written books. You can read all about them here: www.thegoodgriefproject.co.uk where you can also find links to their films: Beyond Goodbye, Say their Name, and the award winning A Love that Never dies.

Their next book, When Words are Not Enough - Creative Approaches to Grief is out in November 2022 with an introduction by our very own Dr Kathryn Mannix who spoke so eloquently on the death episode in Series One.

Cruse also provides amazing bereavement support. And for children there's the excellent Winston's Wish.

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How we are in relationships can tell us not only an extraordinary amount about ourselves, but also how we were brought up. Family patterns can be repeated in every relationship we go onto have.

Here I talk about to psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse who has over thirty years experience in helping couples. Susannah was CEO of the charity, Tavistock Relationships, for ten years. She has also been Chair of the British Psychoanalytic Council, of which she is a member.

Her book Tell me the Truth About Love, 13 Tales From the Therapists Couch, came out in Spring 2022.

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Ever have a nagging voice in your head telling you you're not good enough or could have done something better? You may have an inner critic. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Julia Bueno, author of Everyone's a Critic, How We Can Learn to Be Kind To Ourselves, published by Virago.

We discuss where your inner/self critic may have come from, what you can do to neutralise them, and we learn what cheerleaders and see-saws have to do with it.

Learn more about Julia, her work and her books at https://www.juliabueno.co.uk/.

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At some time or other we've probably all wanted, or needed, to motivate our children. But how? It's both harder and easier than you think and nagging doesn't really work in the long term. Tell you what else doesn't work, reward charts. In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist and author, Graham Music who explains the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, what children really need and why daydreaming is really good for the soul.

You can read more about Graham and his work and books on his website: Nurturing Natures.

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This is not an easy subject, but a necessary one, especially when you hear the statistics on child sexual abuse. Many children don't understand what's happening to them and often can't talk about it until they are way into adult hood and what they perceive to be a 'safe place'. The impact, as we see in this episode, can be life long and pernicious.

I talk to consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Dr Jo Stubley who leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre. Jo is a member of the British Psychoanalytic Society and also took part in our trauma episode in series one (do listen to this if you haven't already). We talk about what grooming is, how to look out for it (an abuser grooms not just their victim but often the whole family), how to look out for signs that your child may be experiencing abuse and if you're a survivor of non recent child sexual abuse we hope you can find something in this episode to make you feel less alone.

I care about all the CSA letters I get sent but, for the first time ever, I tell my childhood friend's story, which explains why this subject is so close to my heart.

Organisations that can help:

Napac is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood; it has a helpline (0808 801 0331) and lots of information on its website about how to access support. It’s where I refer all my readers who write in to me who have been affected by any form of non recent child abuse.

There's also the NSPCC for help and information and Childline (helpline 0800 1111) for children experiencing any form of abuse.

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation is the only UK-wide child protection charity dedicated solely to preventing child sexual abuse, they work with all those affected by abuse, including the abuser and they run the Stop It Now helpline: 0808 1000 9000.

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You'd be surprised at the number of people who haven't made a Will. Some of them are the lawyers I speak to. I think this is in large part because no-one wants to think about dying even though - spoiler alert - we're all going to. But the sticking point for many parents is thinking of who to appoint as legal guardian.

I've chosen the best, most accessible and friendliest lawyer I work with, aka Gary Rycroft, to talk us through this terrifying subject so you know what to think about, how to make a will, what to put in it, how it's never a good idea to cut children out of your will unless you tell them when you're still alive (soooo many problems I get are about this). We also talk about LPAs, trusts and probate.

A few links I mention in the podcast:

Plan If planif.org.uk 

The best way to find a solicitor is by word of mouth, and finding someone you feel comfortable talking to. But if you want to look one up go to the Law Society website here.

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If you've even been near a baby, let alone had one, you've probably heard of baby-led weaning, the idea that babies don't need to have puree laden spoons shovelled into their mouths, but are perfectly capable of feeding themselves. Even choosing their own foods from a pre-prepared selection. Gasp.

In this episode I talk to Gill Rapley, whom I first met in 2006 but had heard about a bit before then. She didn't invent BLW but she definitely put it on the map and kicked off a lot of research into this subject. She also co-wrote the original, research packed book on the subject (accept no substitute!): Baby-Led Weaning. Gill was a health visitor for 20 years, has been a board certified lactation consultant and is the co-author of five other books including one just published in the UK on an adapted baby led weaning approach for babies with additional challenges and difficulty eating called Your Baby Can Self Feed Too.

We talk about what baby led weaning is, what it isn’t, why we may want to rethink spoon feeding, what the research shows and why, anyway, baby’s first piece of cutlery - when he or she is ready to wield their own - should really be a fork and not a spoon. I should add I did spoon/puree feeding with my first and baby led weaning with my second. I’ll talk more about that at the end of the episode.

Read more about Gill, her work and her books at: www.rapleyweaning.com

If you'd like to read the article I wrote in 2006 when I first met Gill you can do so here. If you are in need of a board certified lactation consultant go to https://ibclc.co.uk.

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Despite the plethora of information that's now available about sex, across so many mediums, it's still astonishing the misinformation that's spread on sex and the sexual organs. This is likely due to two factors: the adults in children's lives being too embarrassed or falsehoods spread around playgrounds and classrooms by children and young teens who get their 'sex ed' from porn (which doesn't show realistic sex).

This is an introduction to sex with sexual and relationship psychotherapist and specialist in sexology, Silva Neves is accredited with COSRT and UKCP. Based on the sort of questions that I get asked such as "does the man have to be on top?". You may be surprised by what you learn however, even about your own body. I learnt something about the clitoris and I speak to sex therapists all the time! Marvel at the stupid questions I ask, so you don't have to.

You can learn more about Silva Neves and his work here: https://www.silvaneves.co.uk/

A good website aimed at fourteen year olds and up is BishUK.com. If you want to find a sexual and relationship counsellor the website for accredited therapists is cosrt.org.uk

Remember, sex you don't consent to, isn't sex. It's rape or sexual assault, or both. https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

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What does it mean to belong? What does it feel like? And does it even matter?

I started asking myself this a few years ago, possibly because, as a child of immigrants, I wasn't sure I ever felt like I truly, 100%, ever belonged in any one place. But, does anyone?

My specialist, for this episode, Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP registered integrative psychotherapist who is very psychoanalytically informed. Mark was born in England to a Dutch father and an English mother but moved extensively, as you’ll hear, as a child. He is a third culture kid and we’ll discuss what this means in more detail in the episode.

We also look at how important attachment is in determining how much we feel we belong, or don’t. How self esteem also impacts and how very important human connection is to psychologically tether us to a sense of belonging. We also look at why you might feel you don’t belong in the very place you think you might have an automatic right to -  your own family.

If you’d like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com

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This is our first listener requested episode. "Joanne" (not her real name) asked us if we could do an episode on trust, after her husband had an affair. Although Joanne asked some specific questions ("how do I get the trust back/is it good to talk about it"), Dr Blumenthal and I discuss this but also what trust is at its core, beyond romantic relationships, what it means to trust, how do we trust, is it necessary to trust someone to love them, and how to get trust back when it's been lost.

Dr Blumenthal spoke so eloquently in series 2, on Intimacy, and that is a great companion piece to this one.

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This is a difficult subject, but an important one. I still get letters from people unsure whether they've been the survivor of sexual violence.

My guest is Katie Russell, former media officer for Rape Crisis and now CEO of Support After Rape and Sexual Violence Leeds (SARSVL). Katie is a specialist in sexual violence and abuse against women and girls with over 18 years' diverse experience within the Rape Crisis movement and wider voluntary and community sector.

In this episode we talk about what rape and sexual assault is, and also address other aspects of sexual violence. We talk about consent, and how it's an active, not a passive act. I.e. just because you didn't say no, it doesn't mean you meant yes.

We talk about the trauma response and how that can affect your response to sexual violence, and how this isn't anything you have control over.

In an ideal world I'd like everyone over the age of about fourteen to listen to this and really understand what consent is, because without understanding consent you can't be sure you've got it. And if you haven't got consent, you may be committing an act of rape or sexual assault.

I talk about organisations and articles in the episode and here are the relevant links:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thing

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/08/shouldnt-force-child-kiss-grandparent-consent-sex-education

If you or someone you know has been affected by the subject matter of this episode you can get help and support by putting in the words rape crisis and the county you live in into Google.

SARSVL is the organisation mentioned and where Katie works is at.

Rape Crisis England and Wales.

The 24 hour helpline Katie mentions is on 0808 500 2222.

Support for men and boys affected by rape or sexual violence:

The legislation we refer to is the 2003 Sexual Offences Act.

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The way labour and birth is depicted on film and TV has bugged me for some years and, I think, does little to make women feel empowered. This episode isn't about how or where to give birth - that's your choice - but we do talk about what happens in an uncomplicated vaginal birth.

Amy is the Lead Research Midwife in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the university of Cambridge, and study coordinator for the Pregnancy Outcome Prediction Study 2 (POPS2). She's previously worked as a senior research midwife in the NHS, and as the Eastern Regions Champion Research Midwife for the NIHR. Amy received a Chief Midwifery Officer Silver Award in 2020 for her work in reproductive health and childbirth research.

Amy has also been an independent midwife, which is when I met her as she delivered my second child.

Birthrights is a great charity that helps you understand your rights when giving birth in the UK.

https://www.birthrights.org.uk

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This is not a subject many of us discuss is it? Birth plans, maybe, weddings, definitely, but we will all die and we all need a send off, however small and modest.

This episode isn't really about planning your own funeral, although it can be of course (but as we'll see, don't be too prescriptive) but it's more that this potentially distressing subject - a funeral is the ultimate distress purchase - is important. Why? A good funeral is the start of grieving, it can help people come together to remember the person who has died.

Because we don't tend to want to discuss funerals (although this is changing, thank goodness) it's very easy to just go with what your high street funeral director offers and not realise there can be another way. Do you know you don't even need to use a funeral director? Or not for all of it? You don't need a hearse, either, or a coffin, or you can make the coffin. There are various possibilities to make funerals more personal instead of, as Louise describes them 'templated'. We discuss woodland burials, the law around funerals (surprisingly few) and much more, including 'what's next' in terms of body disposal.

I think a good funeral is one where, if the person who has died were to magically come alive, they wouldn't feel out of place. And a good funeral can be very healing for those left behind.

Louise is a progressive funeral director and her London based company is called Poetic Endings. She is also the co-director of an award winning festival and community called Life, Death, Whatever which seeks to change how we talk about death and dying and

Louise co-authored of an excellent book called We All Know How This Ends. And we do, don't we? Know how this ends. So let's start talking about it.

Here are the links talked about in this episode.

Josh’s funeral: https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/our-films/

https://www.poetic-endings.com/when-someone-dies

https://www.lifedeathwhatever.com

https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk

http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/06/it-was-an-incredibly-enriching-day-the-families-taking-control-of-death

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A lot of people struggle with the toddler stage. Where have their lovely, compliant babies gone? I think it's got worse the later we leave parenthood and the more used we are to living in a world where we're (maybe) used to people doing as we ask.

Toddlers don't give a damn about all that, and thank goodness. But it's not because they are difficult, they're growing, learning who they are, what the boundaries are and their brains are going through enormous growth.

In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist Rachel Melville -Thomas about what's going on with toddlers and how we can help and support them. We learn about what's going on in a toddler's brain, how they learn to 'do' before they learn to 'explain', what techniques work and which don't. And what to do when a toddler tantrums. All to help you understand and support your toddler in a kind and effective manner.

This episode concludes Series 5, but we're already lining up subjects for Series 6!

Thanks for listening and supporting these episodes and please share as widely as you can. Don't forget to leave a review if you can!

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Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6

A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was being called a narcissist. I'm not a fan of overly labelling behaviours (for one it's so lazy) and I have a natural tendency to avoid terms that everyone else is using, but eventually even I couldn't ignore it any longer. This is when I called UK registered psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer in. Mark is writing a book about narcissism and in this episode we talk about what it is, and what it isn't. And how just possibly everyone has some narcissistic traits occasionally, but that doesn't make them a narcissist. Someone with true narcissistic behaviours actually has a wafer-thin self esteem and is very tiring to be around. Who'd be a narcissist? But also what about poor Echo, who often gets forgotten in the tale of Narcissus, typical to air brush a woman out of history.

If you'd like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is at brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

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Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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Sibs is a charity which supports children and adults who grow up with a brother or sister with additional needs or a long term health condition. And Linda Owen is the rather brilliant, compassionate and informed (aptly) Information Officer for Sibs.

A lot of the advice Linda gives can also be applied in a family which doesn’t have a child with these additional needs, and there’s a lot to learn here about sibling dynamics. But of course when a child does have additional needs the sibling can often get overlooked and their needs can feel - especially to them - as not important in the scheme of things. Linda talks about how to have conversations with your children, how to get support for them or for yourself. 

Note: as Linda explains we use the term sibling in this episode to denote the person who doesn’t have the additional needs, and the ones that do as brother or sister.

A good companion episode to this one, is The Secrets of the Sibling Relationship with psychotherapist Nicole Addis in Series 1.

The Sibs website: sibs.org.uk.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

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Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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Why do some people find it so hard to talk about money? And whilst it's not a romantic thing to bring up it's absolutely essential if you're thinking of buying a property with someone or moving in with someone. As Chris says if it's difficult to bring up at the beginning of the relationship it's a whole lot harder to bring up at the end when things may have gone wrong.

A lot of the letters I get at the Guardian are about Wills and Will disputes and whilst it's about the money, Chris and I also look into what money can stand in for, what it represents and how it can reflect the value we put (or not) on ourselves.

If this episode has tempted you to get a financial advisor the please make sure whomever you deal with is registered with the Financial Conduct Authority https://register.fca.org.uk/s/.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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The in-laws, long the butt of jokes but in reality rich fodder for my Guardian mail bag. Of course, none of us think of ourselves as troublesome in-laws, but maybe we are? In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and CEO of the association for family therapy and systemic practise. Hannah has been a family and couples psychotherapist who has worked in the mental health service for thirty years. She’s also an associate professor at the university of exeter and deputy director of a clinical training department called CEDAR - clinical education development and research - that sits within the university’s psychology department.

We talk about all the usual in-law problems, work out that three things seem to underpin them and I present my own theory.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

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Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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Talking about suicide is never easy, yet it's essential. In this difficult episode both Dr Stubley and I bring personal experiences to the conversation in the hope that it might facilitate your own conversations.

Dr Jo Stubley is a consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy and leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre. Jo is a member of the British Psychoanalytic Society. Regular listeners will recognise that Jo is a returning conversationalist - this is our third episode together. The first one, on trauma in series one, would make a good listening companion piece to this one. 

If you have suicidal feelings help is available: https://www.papyrus-uk.org and https://www.samaritans.org

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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Not what makes a relationship real vs fantasy or made up, but the nubbins of relationships, the reality. Many people seem unprepared for what a real relationship looks and feels like, and this might be because of how they are portrayed on TV and on social media where many times it's only the polar opposites which are show: either people talking about how fantastic their relationship is or how terrible. Real relationships are quite ordinary. But what should they be like? Is it okay to argue? When do you know if your relationship has tipped from 'real' to dysfunctional or even abusive? If relationships are such hard work why do we even bother to have them?

Joanna Harrison is the author of an excellent book called Five Arguments All Couples Need To Have, but she was also a divorce lawyer in a former life, and is now a senior clinician at Tavistock Relationships and a consultant to parents and separating couples at the law firm Family Law in Partnership.

You can read more about her and her work at joannaharrison.co.uk. She's on Instagram as @joannaharrisoncoupletherapy.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

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Where to die? Not everyone gets that choice but you or a loved one might and that choice may be to go home from a hospice or hospital or care home, or go into one. In this sensitively handled but hugely informative episode, I talk again to Dr Kathryn Mannix, palliative care doctor and author of two excellent books: With the End in Mind and Listen. We talk about what to think about: care, equipment, environment, all things that need to be carefully considered and weighed up. When my own mother was dying and she wanted to go home, I was tortured by what to do and doing the Right Thing. Dr Kathryn Mannix held my hand through this process and lessened some of the pain. Despite the subject matter we end the episode on a really poetic, positive takeaway from Kathryn which should soothe even the most troubled of souls.

A few links we refer to and which you may find useful:

https://eol-doula.uk/

https://www.kathrynmannix.com/

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

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Professor Lucy Easthope is a UK expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recover. A world authority on recovery and disaster planning and its aftermath. She’s Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the university of Durham and a professor in Mass Fatalities at the university of Bath.

Lucy studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.

In 2022 Lucy published a best selling book that talks a lot about her work and a little about her life called When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. It’s a must read and one that I recommend to all who will listen. If anyone knows about planning it’s Lucy and in this episode we talk about how she takes her incredible experience into every day life. Can we ever plan too much? Why is planning a good idea but how we should also leave a little room for spontaneity. Perhaps. And one of the most important take aways for me - look after the planner in the family

You can find her website here: http://whatevernext.info/

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Dr Stephen Blumenthal returns (catch him in Series 2 talking about Intimacy and Trust in Series 5) and this time we're talking about shame. What it is, how it differs to humiliation and embarrassment or even guilt. Shame can make people act differently - either because they are avoiding shame or trying to cover up the shame they already feel. Where does shame come from? And why is some shame useful to society?

If you’d like to learn more about Dr Blumenthal and his work you can do so at https://stephenblumenthal.com.

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Although unresolved grief can hit us at any stage in our lives, this episode specifically talks about childhood bereavement and the impact it can have on adulthood. My guest is UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapist and researcher Mandy Gosling who, as we shall hear, has personal experience of early bereavement.

An early bereavement can lodge - if not processed - and be carried into adult hood, manifesting as inability to hold down jobs or relationships, feelings of loneliness or depression (of course you can feel all these things without having been bereaved). Mandy talks about her personal experiences, how they impacted and how we can help children process grief and if that's now you as an adult, what you might consider doing to lighten your psychological load.

You can learn more about Mandy and her work here: www.abcgrief.co.uk or www.mandygosling.co.uk 

Some useful bereavement websites:

https://www.winstonswish.org

https://www.childbereavementuk.org

https://www.cruse.org.uk

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Interviewing Ryan Bennett-Clarke for my Guardian column - about something else entirely - we got talking about envy. And what he had to say fair blew my mind.

What is envy? How does it differ from jealously? Where does it come from and how does it manifest? If you've ever left a person feeling like little bits of you have been taken away, well envy may be the answer. We talk about how envy feels, why people get jealous or envious, how it's on the rise with social media; and we also talk about some nifty ways to 'interrupt' envy. How to answer back to those barbs. I found this one of the most thought-provoking episodes I've ever done and I have to admit I looked at certain people in a different way. Dare I say this is life-changing? I think it might be.

Ryan Bennett-Clarke, né Marjoram is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist. He has written two papers for The Journal of Psychodynamic Practice:

The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part One - Theory

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039880 

The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part Two - Clinical Application

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039881  

and you can read more about Ryan here:

Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.

The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

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This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas.

We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by birth trauma. We also discuss the impact of birth trauma on birthing partners.

May 2024 update: Parliamentary report.

Some organisations we talk about in the episode:

The Birth Trauma Association.

Kim Thomas's book on PTSD and Birth Trauma.

Masic: https://masic.org.uk/about-masic/

Magnolia midwives: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliamidwives/?hl=en

Doula UK: https://doula.org.uk

Tommy's: https://www.tommys.org

Nice Guidelines: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance

Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: https://www.rcog.org.uk

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/

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Produced by Hester Cant.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to series 8 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. 

This episode was Professor Lucy Easthope's idea as it’s something she really wanted to talk about and I’m honoured she has trusted me with this delicate subject. In this episode Lucy talks openly about her very personal five baby losses by miscarriage.

Lucy is Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the University of Durham and a Professor in Mass Fatalities at the University of Bath. She studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.

Lucy is a UK Expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recovery and a world authority on these subjects. She works with governments, emergency services and communities and families who have been affected by disaster. She’s advised on almost every major disaster that’s happened in the last two decades.

She is also the author of the best seller: When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. Her baby losses are talked about candidly throughout the book but in particular in Chapter Seven, Little Losses.

Links listeners may find useful:

https://www.tommys.org/

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

https://www.sands.org.uk/

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Did you know that procrastination, risky behaviour, blaming others and even infidelity may be a sign of self-sabotage? There are a host of other symptoms, too. In this, episode 2 or Series 8, I discuss with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke why we might self sabotage, what it tells us about ourselves and of course, what we can do about it.

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Forensic psychotherapy is psychotherapy with people who have committed criminal offences. In this episode I talk with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal who is registered with the British Psychoanalytic Council and has over thirty years experience in treating people. Stephen started his professional life as a clinical psychologist in a secure unit with offenders. Stephen has also written a couple of books on forensic psychotherapy, the latest of which is called Assessing Risk, a Relationship Approach.

I was in conversation with Stephen in Series 7, talking about shame, which would make a good companion listen to this one.

In this episode we talk about what forensic psychotherapy is, what it can tell us about the person committing the crimes, as well as society in general and why talking groups, such as the one Stephen presides over, can radically diminish re-offending. All crime has a meaning. This would make a particularly interesting listen to those who are fascinated by true crime podcasts.

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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What is attachment and how does attachment theory different from the primary real-life attachment we learnt as babies? The two often get confused. In this episode I talk to child, adolescent and adult psychotherapist Dr Graham Music who has been described as "one of the most deep thinking child psychotherapists in the world."

We talk about these differences, plus the concept of attachment which is how secure we feel with our primary care given and how our needs were met, and the impact that can have on our later life. Attachment is at the core of every letter I get, ergo every problem I think we come across in our daily lives. How we relate to others can very often lead back to our early attachment figures.

Dr Graham Music is registered with the Association of Child Psychotherapists and the UKCP. He is also the author of some amazing books such as Respark, Nurturing Natures and Nurturing children. We talked together in Series 4 on How to Motivate Your Child.

You can find out more about Graham from his website: https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Very early on in my career as The Guardian's Agony Aunt the letters started coming in about family estrangements - the "should I cut X out of my life" style questions. Back then, cutting a family member out was anathema to me but over the years, i came to understand why some people sought it out. The thing is, cutting someone out is rarely the end of the problem. Sometimes it's only the beginning.

In this episode I talk to long-time conversationalist psychotherapist Chris Mills about why some situations become so bad that estrangement seems like the only answer - indeed is it the only answer? What it can mean and how to try to build bridges after an estrangement (maybe one not of your making) if that's what feels right.

If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

IG: @annalisabarbieri

Links to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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This is the last episode, episode six, in Series 8 and in it I talk to UKCP registered family and systemic psychotherapist and John Cavanagh who is also a registered mental health nurse. John specialises in child and adolescent mental health.

Often children will manifest with a mental health problem that is indicative of what's going on in the family. We talk about this, what those problems might look like, why it's important to treat children as part of the family unit. John also talks us through the CAMHS system which I know some people find very difficult to navigate.

We also talk about common adolescent and child problems and how to manage them if your child comes to you with them.

Useful links we talk about in the podcast:

YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People | YoungMinds

Information for 11-18 year olds on understanding CAMHS - Mind

Stay Alive App: 'a suicide prevention app for the UK, packed full of resources, useful information, and tools to help you stay safe or help someone else'.

StayAlive - Essential suicide prevention for everyday life

CalmHarm (https://calmharm.co.uk/)

DistrACT (https://www.expertselfcare.com/health-apps/distract/)

NHS England » NHS Mental Health Apps Library to increase access to psychological therapies and help to improve mental health outcomes

www.psychotherapy.org.uk (Registered psychotherapists search by specialism or area)

www.aft.org.uk

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If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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I'd been wanting to do this podcast for a while. Professor Alessandra Lemma is one of the most experienced, and insightful, specialists I work with. Every word she shares is a gem. But Pr Lemma's diary is packed and so this took a while to organise. I hope you think it was worth it.

The idea for this episode - the first in Series 9 - came to me last year but in reality, it had probably been bubbling away for some years. Alessandra and I were working on a problem for my Guardian column. The problem was from a reader who said that, despite them being an adult, they were still being body shamed by their parents for being overweight, this is sadly by no means an unusual problem to arrive on my desk. In our chat Alessandra said a line which stayed with me all of last year. It was this: you can’t delete developmental history it is always there even if you change the surface of the body. 

From this we went off topic a little, as my chats with my specialists sometimes, to talk about how - with some caveats - people who modified their bodies through things like cosmetic or plastic surgery, often didn’t feel happier because whatever developmental history that had led them to be unhappy with themselves, lay within then and beyond the reach of any sort of body modification. 

It got me thinking about how our body image is arrived at. Do we make it, or do others shape it? Why are so many people unhappy with they way they look? In this episode we look at how our body image is formed, who shapes it and how we can try to change our internal dialogue about it. A very useful listen, also, if you are a parent as we often help shape what our children feel about their bodies.

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If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced: https://www.patreon.com/c/annalisabarbieri

You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Welcome to episode 2 of Series 9 (Series 9 will be released sporadically). Should We Move?

This has always been a question I've been asked a lot via my Guardian column (and in real life) but after the pandemic it was a question that reached, dare I say it, epidemic proportions. It's a simple enough question but the reasoning behind it can really tell us a lot about ourselves. Many people move to get away from problems, not realising that the problems go with them. This is why a few well aimed questions are worth asking of yourself before you move.

There are some very boring things to consider, too which we run through in this episode. Look out for anything that makes you feel defensive, either in this episode or when people mention certain things to you - those are the very issues you should be digging down into. I've known people who've maxed out their London homes to stretch themselves to buy a huge country pile - with no financial buffer. People who've moved to the middle of nowhere even though they can't drive. Or not considering schools/transport links/hospitals. These are the things that can make or break a successful move. I

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If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri

If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced: https://www.patreon.com/c/annalisabarbieri

You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.

Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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Increasingly I get asked this question a lot in my Guardian column. Not from a financial POV but the 'should I retire and what will life be like afterwards?' question.

Welcome to episode 3 in this series. It's all about a word that has rather negative associations- retirement - but after listening to this hopefully you'll look at it differently.

Once upon a time when we retired was dictated by our work place and/or pensions. Or people were so exhausted by their physically demanding jobs they were totally spent by the time they got to 55. But things have changed. The state pension age has shifted upwards in the UK and for more people it's now a choice.

Work can define many of us, so what happens when work stops? Chris Mills, a regular conversationalist and guest in my Guardian column, casts a beautiful new light on what retirement might look like and why we might consider it. Lots to think about here even if you're nowhere near retirement age. I hope you enjoy it!

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri.

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