Coming Out Pod (Coming Out Pod)

Puerto Rican actor Vico Ortiz (These/Thems; Jane the Virgin) identifies as a "Latinx, FemBoi, non-binary, genderfluid queerdo." But above all, they are CHARMING AF! Vico talks about how their desire to emulate their parents' marriage lead them to a very traditional relationship before they realized they were queer (a discovery owed in part to a bartender mentor and Google). Vico also discusses the challenges of using modern pronouns in a heavily gendered language, and more!

Find Vico at @puertoricaninja.

Pride continues with the goddamned hilarious E.R. Fightmaster, who plays NON-BINARY ICON Em on Hulu's Shrill! E.R. (who identifies as "a huge dyke") grew up in '90s Ohio, where gay people were regarded as "kind of mentally ill." They regale us with a high school enemies-to-lovers story so heart wrenching, it's worthy of a YA novel, and share how their present-day confidence was hard-won. We also discuss the idea of labels we "can't" call ourselves, and why you should *always* make the basketball team spoon.

Emily Goss (Dating in Place; Season of Love; Snapshots) has played a multitude of queer roles, and yet it's only very recently that she felt comfortable enough to start identifying as bisexual. She talks about the childhood event that made her retreat from being a masculine tomboy, and we dissect the universal experience of feeling like an imposter when everyone else seems like "a professional queer." Also, the Hot Butch Woman (TM) Emily saw over a decade ago, but still vividly remembers...

@emilygoss650

You've been asking for it for over a year now, and the moment has finally arrived: it's Nicole's *poly* coming out story! An episode SO epic, it's our first ever two-parter! In this first half, Nicole tells Lauren the long and sometimes painful journey that finally led to her understanding that she was polyamorous. She digs into her fear of being perceived as "a bisexual stereotype," and we bust polyamory myths and define more terms than a sexy dictionary! Strap in, and get your POLY EDUCATION!

TV/comic book writer Amanda Deibert grew up in an extremist Christian family/community in the Deep South, where it took her a while to figure out "that lesbians were even a thing." Despite the trauma of losing her mother at 14 and getting kicked out of her stepparents' house, Amanda eventually landed at a high school where she found her people. Her incredibly inspiring story covers such hits as sleepovers, trying super-hard to be bisexual, Harry Potter, and a sexy foreign exchange student!

@amandadeibert

Lauren and Episode 104's Makeda Declet have THE THRILL OF THEIR LIVES talking to former WNBA player Crystal Robinson, the pod's first professional athlete! Crystal grew up in Oklahoma in a racially segregated town of only 425 people, yet still had the wherewithal to come out to her mother in the third grade. She discusses the early days of the WNBA when being out was largely shunned, and shares a harrowing story of getting racially profiled in her hometown just months ago. Also, her upcoming memoir!

We dyke out with Melody Kamali, comedian and co-host of one of our favorite podcasts, Dyking Out! Melody shares the pivotal moment she had with *that* scene in True Lies, talks about getting "heterocurious" in her early 20s, and discusses the flack she's gotten for claiming the word "dyke" as someone who identifies as bi/pan. Plus, we get pumped about queer Persian representation in The L Word and beyond, and muse over what straight girls masturbate to! Let us know, straight listeners!!

@melodykamali

Glee's Dot-Marie Jones has always been 100% authentically herself. To that end, she didn't have a big defining moment regarding her sexuality; "it just was." Dot talks about how being bullied in school informed the way she moves through the world, and how playing Coach Beiste allowed her to represent the underrepresented in more ways than one. She also tells the story of how she met her wife, which will make you UNEQUIVOCALLY BELIEVE IN FATE! Plus: arm wrestling in Moscow!

Follow Dot at @dotmariejones.

In a special episode that's just the two of us, we divulge some exciting plans we have for the pod! From our closets, we detail the ways in which we're broadening our definition of "coming out" in order to cover a wider variety of topics that intersect with guests' identities. We also tease some upcoming eps we have planned, and come out to each other AGAIN-- but in a totally different sense. Lauren shares something that may or may not-at-all shock you, and Nicole reveals something incredibly vulnerable...

Actor/comedian Clayton Farris (American Horror Story; Scream Queens) has always been attracted to men and women, but for the longest time he resisted putting a label to his sexuality. In a hilarious and vulnerable conversation, Clayton details trying on both gay and straight personas, and describes how seeing a "sex therapist to the stars" helped him to finally feel liberated by embracing the "bisexual" label. Also, we talk awkwardness surrounding sex, because SOMEBODY has to, dammit!

@claytonfarris

We're back with the absolutely wonderful Pelayo Alvarez of The Forbidden Apple, a podcast that explores the relationship between queer people and spirituality. Spanish-born and Catholic-raised Pelayo (who recently came out to his entire family over Zoom!) discusses reclaiming the idea of being "shameless," and the complexities of being out when you work in international relations. Also, the eminent wisdom of Keke Palmer!

YouTube: youtube.com/pelayoaf
IG: @theforbiddenapplepodcast
Twitter: @TFA_POD

Australian actress Mandahla Rose (All About E; Forever Not Maybe) had no idea she was gay until her mid-twenties, but once she knew, she KNEW! It gets hotter than usual in the closet this week as we talk first kisses, first hook-ups, and where to find the most authentic lesbian porn. Oh, and did we mention Mandahla was raised by nuns? This girl is FULL of surprises. P.S. #sorrynotsorry for the sexy accent.

Follow Mandahla on Twitter and Instagram at @twiistedrose, and check out mandahlarose.com!

Our Pride Month extravaganza continues with the fabulous Fortune Feimster of The Mindy Project, Chelsea Lately, and much more! Fortune identifies first and foremost as "A lady!" and says "I'm a little daintier on the inside than people realize." In true lesbian fashion, her story includes a gay softball league, a Chinese restaurant, and a Lifetime movie called "The Truth About Jane." Fortune shares how coming out informed her comedy, and how people now use her Netflix special to come out to *their* parents!

We have a powerful conversation with Julie Rodgers, author of "Outlove: A Queer Christian Survival Story," who is featured in the just-released Netflix documentary Pray Away. Shortly after coming out at the age of 16, Julie's mother took her to meet with someone from Living Hope Ministries. What followed were weekly conversion therapy sessions for the next eight years. Julie discusses the irony of finding queer community in a conversion group, her current relationship to faith, her wife and cats, and more!

Comedian and writer Guy Branum (Chelsea Lately; The Mindy Project) grew up in a conservative farm town with a family that liberally used the "F" word (the slur; not the cuss), and came of age in the 1980s during peak AIDS panic. WHAT A START! Guy talks about not looking like "what a gay guy is supposed to look like," and the prison-of-its-own-making aspect of gay male culture. Plus, a surprise cameo from Amy Klobuchar, and the sick Virginia Woolf burn that changed Guy's life!

Twitter and IG: @GuyBranum

THIS EPISODE IS SO COOL! Susan SurfTone is a retro rock musician/political writer, and a former FBI agent turned NYPD attorney. Some of the freaking incredible things she talks to us about include being at Smith College the year that "everybody came out," what it was like to be a rocker in NYC in the late '80s, her conversations with the first person to throw a punch at Stonewall, and the time Andy Warhol saw her eat pizza.

Learn more about Susan and listen to her tunes at www.susansurftone.com!

If Rivkah Reyes (they/them) looks familiar to you, it's probably because they played Katie, the *epically* cool bass player in School of Rock. But now they're all grown up, and A GODDAMNED DELIGHT! Rivkah identifies as fluid "across the board," and discusses their recent name change, their work with the Akashic Records, addiction and sobriety, and *so* much more! Plus, we all share our first queer crushes, and discuss how Microsoft's Clippy was OBVIOUSLY queer culture.

Contact Rivkah at rivkahreyes.com!

It's a podcaster spectacular when we're joined by Carolyn Bergier, co-host of the podcast Dyking Out! Carolyn's story includes Catholic "sex-ed," a formative moment on a waterbed, and a job at the queerest movie theater EVER. We also discuss the deep attachment that many parents have to gender roles, and the discomfort they experience when those roles are upended. Plus, Lauren asks Carolyn's advice on femme/femme dating!

Follow @TGICarolyn and @DykingOut, and check out cbcomedy.com and @everygaysusan!

We're closing out Pride Month (July 1st is STILL PRIDE MONTH!) with an amazing guest: Ariela Barer of Runaways, Atypical, and ODAAT! Ariela always had *very* intense female friendships, but could not for the life of her understand why everyone thought she was gay. She shares how she came out to her mom "the wrong way," and details the harrowing close call she had with her high school Tumblr... Also, what it's like to play straight opposite not one, not two, but THREE queer TV ships!

Follow @ArielaBarer

We're deviating a bit from our format today with Dr. Regina Baker, a surgeon at the Keck School of Medicine of USC. But Dr. Baker isn't just any surgeon: gender affirming surgery specifically constitutes at least 50% of her practice! Dr. Baker details the full process of transitioning, from that first moment of "I don't feel right in this body" to when surgery may (or may not) enter the picture. She also clears up some common misconceptions, explains blockers vs. hormones, and BLOWS OUR MINDS about nipples!

Comedian AB Cassidy (This Is Us, "Lez Bomb;" pronouns: they/them) takes us on a hilarious and heartwarming ride that includes secretly applying to boarding schools and becoming “the King of Fat Camp” – and that only takes us up through age 16! They also talk to us about just recently learning to embrace the fact that they’re genderfluid, an identity that is still evolving for them. All this; plus, DOBBY’S IN THE CLOSET!

Find AB on IG at @funnylezbo; all shows at www.abcassidy.com.

We're joined this week by Nicole's bestie and our first "dyke"-identified guest, Jo Lampert (Transparent; Orange Is The New Black)! Jo is a force of nature, and our conversation with her spans a mistaken claim of asexuality, the knee touch under the table that changed everything, and the years-long evolution that allowed Jo to finally be "visible and vulnerable in love and in sex." Also covered: humping!

See Jo in Season 6 of OITNB and the series finale of Transparent, and check out #joequalitylampert!

YouTuber Stevie Boebi (creator and host of the first ever Lesbian Sex Ed video series) reveals the never-before-heard story of her coming out! She talks to us about being told "you're too pretty to be gay," accidentally adopting the male gaze, and how she ultimately decided to make the kind of videos she wishes she'd had when she was younger. (This episode is not sponsored by the American Dental Association. YET.)

Watch Stevie's videos at youtube.com/Stevie, and follow her everywhere at @stevieboebi.

We go deeper into gender than ever before when we're joined by footwear and accessories designer and trans/non-binary activist, NiK Kacy! NiK started their gender-free company because they were tired of shoes being limited to the binary, so it's not surprising that this concept extends to their entire life. We get an ED-U-CATION as NiK talks about their journey from coming out as gay, then butch/masculine presenting, then trans, and finally non-binary. We talk shades of grey in gender, queerness, and more!

Singer-songwriter Rachael Cantu grew up in Orange County, California ("very conservative; very white; very Christian"), and it took a fated encounter at her local record store to make her realize she might not fit the OC mold. Today, she's married to a woman and tours with Tegan and Sara TALK ABOUT A GLOW-UP!!! Rachael tracks this journey with us, and also speaks honestly about the constant push-and-pull that comes with having a religious family.

Follow Rachael everywhere at @RachaelCantu.

We welcome actor Melissa Weisz, the other half of The Forbidden Apple Podcast and our first ever (former) Hasidic Jew! At nineteen, Melissa was engaged to a man in an arranged marriage...yet in a surprise twist, it was *not* her burgeoning queerness that eventually led to the end of that relationship. Melissa shares how being raised in such a confining religion resulted in a fear of joining other communities (including the queer community); we learn about Jewish "family purity laws," and SO much more!!

Ashley Holzer (a teacher's aide and mother of three) came into our lives via the L.A. LGBT Center's Women's Coming Out group, and *wow* is her story incredible. Ashley covers so many important things we had not explored on the pod until now, including parenting, getting sober, divorcing her best friend, grappling with mental health, and enduring loss; ALL while coming to grips with her sexual orientation. She is a champion, and we're so grateful to her for sharing her story!

Ashley is on IG at @asholza.

There's "baptism by fire," and then there's "going to your first gay club ever with Madonna." But that's exactly what happened to dancer/choreographer Kevin Stea! At only twenty years old, Kevin was cast in the world-famous Blond Ambition Tour. He shares what it was like to both discover and explore his sexuality amidst the utmost extremes of gay culture; all while the specter of AIDS was looming. From being outed in the press to forming a late-in-life bond with his father, his stories are INCREDIBLE!

Jessica Lillebo lives in Alabama, and is a longtime listener of the pod. However, as a trans woman, she was hurt by some things that Nicole brought up in Episode 110, so she reached out. And lest you think Nicole doesn't practice what she preaches re: talking things out in person, she and Jessica had a FaceTime sesh to discuss! We wanted to share their conversation, and invite Jessica on the podcast to talk about being trans in Alabama, explain how she told her kids, and more!

Say hi on IG at @jess_1ill!

We're joined by writer, podcaster, and all around hilarious human, Gaby Dunn (Bad With Money; I Hate Everyone But You)! Gaby started out as a baby goth at a private Jewish day school in Florida, where the idea of having a girlfriend seemed "patently insane." But since then, she's evolved into an out and proud bi/poly icon whose favorite comeback to her critics is "sorry I'm fun." Nicole and Gaby talk all things poly, we discuss respectability politics, and Lauren tries to reclaim the concept of "vanilla."

At 15 years old, comedian Brooklyn Jones (Flex & Shanice) asked her mom "Do you think I'm gay?" She then put the question out of her mind for years...until Chicago Fire and Once Upon a Time brought it right back to the forefront! Brooklyn tells us about her first date with a woman, and how intersectionality can sometimes make it feel like your different identities are pitted against each other. Plus, community in-fighting, and the good ol' Straight Girl Conundrum (TM)!

@itsbrooklynjones / @ItsBklynJones

We're closing out Bi Visibility Week with a special ep featuring not one, but *two* of Nicole's BFFs from college! Not only are Nicole, Katie, and Lorelei all bisexual, they're also all in long-term relationships with cis men. They discuss the inherent conflict between passing privilege and erasure, the significance of losing your virginity to a woman when you're a bi woman, and bi myths they'd like to bust. We also talk "bisexual awakening movies," and celebrity couples to whom we'd say a hard YES, PLEASE!

We cover some entirely new ground this week in a fantastic conversation with disability advocate AJ Detwiler! AJ lives at the intersection of queer, female, and disabled, but many of her dating experiences have sadly revealed our community to be...less "body-positive" than we'd like to imagine. AJ discusses the pressure she feels to prove her physical autonomy in relationships, and we talk about the huge moment of sexy disabled visibility that occurred just this past weekend on The L Word!

@zoominrainbow

English author Diana Souhami was born in 1940, and began her career at a time when she couldn't even put the word "lesbian" in a book title. Today, she's written multiple biographies about queer women, and her latest one is, in fact, called "No Modernism Without Lesbians." Diana discusses how the four women in her book shaped history between the World Wars, shares her journey of going from apologetic to pleased about her identity, and gives us the *best* response to the "Are you a lesbian?" question...

At just 23 years old, comedian Addie Weyrich (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel; Crashing) has not only survived more than her fair share of trauma, she's also somehow managed to turn it into stand-up material. She shares how growing up in Philly shaped her, and teaches us all about trauma bonding and "instamacy!" We also dig into the bisexual catch-22 of feeling "too straight for gay spaces; too gay for straight spaces," and discuss the INCREDIBLY challenging logistics of scheduling a threesome...

@addieyomind

Lauren is joined by Dyking Out's Carolyn Bergier for a conversation with the PAINFULLY charming and charismatic Tien Tran (Work in Progress)! Tien had a Vietnamese-American *and* Roman-Catholic upbringing, so she truly believed she was "saving herself for the perfect man." She shares the agonizingly-relatable near misses she had in college, and discusses not being out to her family during her first relationship. Also, her parents' journey with acceptance, and "the beautiful world of YouTube fan-cut videos!"

We sit down with the QUEEN of queer community, Holly Winebarger, co-founder of ClexaCon and founder of QFX! Holly grew up in a small town in Virginia and didn't even know the word "lesbian" until she was 17, so it's no wonder she's spent much of her life fostering spaces for LGBTQ+ folks. She talks about how Ellen's "The Puppy Episode" changed her life, and tells us a coming out story that is *so* outrageous, it literally leaves us speechless! Also, the lasting impact of her mom's best friend, Belinda...

We go deeper into all things poly than we ever have before with filmmaker Lise Angelica (Other Loving)! Lise was part of a long-term poly triad 13 years ago, well before polyamory was widely talked about. She discusses the struggle of feeling like a stereotype when you're both bisexual and poly, and what it's like to come out as gay, then bi a decade later, and first start dating men in your mid-30s. Also: the powerful effects of Poison Ivy (not the plant)

Follow @otherloving, starring Nicole!

We have an absolutely BANANAS time with Lauren's old buddy, Jeff MacKinnon: comedian, writer, actor, and unintentionally-straight-passing bro! Jeff shares hilarious stories about his first guy/guy experience at Bonnaroo (yup), and the night he came out as bi during his stand-up set. He also tells us all about the baby he's expecting with his girlfriend, the previous engagement he broke off, and "the only wonderful story about Grindr." Plus, Nicole elucidates polyamory for Jeff in real time!

We have an across-the-pond chat with the *unfathomably* lovely Yetide Badaki (American Gods; This Is Us), who identifies as bi, Black, Nigerian, immigrant, and more! Yetide shares how, for a long time, she wasn't sure if she could claim space in the queer community...until reading the comments on a YouTube video made her realize how crucial visibility is. She also teaches us the meaning of "TCK," and we dive into the powerful connection queer women have to sci-fi/fantasy shows like DS9 and BSG!

@yetide

In a special mini-episode, we share the origins of the phrase "coming out" (spoiler alert: it's super-gay), make some exciting announcements, and hear a message of encouragement from a much beloved former guest! HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY, Y'ALL!

And check out:
comingoutpod.com/media
freedhearts.org
karenpacent.com
quibi.com/shows/sexology-with-shan-593/
"We Have Jobs We Swear" on Spotify and Apple Podcasts

We got another young 'un! 18-year-old Ruby Farley hasn't ever really come out in the traditional sense, but identifies as queer because "that's the closest word I can find." She talks about being raised in a home that was very open about sex and sexuality, and shares how childhood trauma ultimately gave her an enormous capacity for empathy. We also discuss the ways in which social media has failed us in terms of communication, and what it's like watching from the outside as your sibling transitions.

We're celebrating Bi Visibility Month with HILARIOUS comedian Teresa Lee! Teresa grew up identifying with straight femme culture (sororities, pageants, etc), and pre-coming out, referred to herself as "a straight girl who liked girls." She discusses the struggle to be visible as a bisexual person in a straight-presenting relationship, and shares how her father's acceptance has evolved over time. Also, the titillating story of how she may or may NOT have made out with a Victoria's Secret model!

@leresatee

Amazin LeThi was left in an orphanage in Saigon and raised by a white family in Sydney, only to suffer abhorrent racism and bullying. On top of this, she genuinely believed she was "the only Asian LGBTQ kid in the world," because she had literally never met anybody who looked and felt like she did. But things unexpectedly began to change for her at six years old when she discovered bodybuilding! Amazin discusses her unique journey, her incredible advocacy work, and her affinity for Arnold Schwarzenegger!

South Asian actor/filmmaker Shaan Dasani (Razor Tongue; These/Thems) grew up in North Carolina, and spent his childhood believing that he would grow up to be a man – until puberty hit. In one of our favorite discussions yet, Shaan tells us about the steps he took to try to "be straight," his eventual realization that he was actually transgender, and his present-day experience navigating masculinity as a "very binary-looking" trans man. Also, THE MOST TENDER STORY ABOUT A TINY TUXEDO!

Follow @ShaanDasan

We're kicking off 2021 with a huge guest: Alex Blue Davis of She-Ra and Grey's Anatomy! Alex always identified as male, but when he lost his dad at a very young age, he shut down, and decided to just be what everyone thought he was. Alex shares how an out lesbian camp counselor changed his life when he was fourteen...until a traumatic incident following that formative summer sent him running back into the closet. Alex's story is one of survival, and it's an incredibly inspiring way to start off a new year!

Transmasculine filmmaker/director Jett Garrison (These Thems) only transitioned three-and-a-half years ago, which now has him "just on the other side of puberty" in his mid-40s. He tells incredible stories from his life, which include serving in the Air Force prior to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and being a morning DJ in the late '90s on the only all-female radio show in the country! Also, the challenges that transitioning can present in a marriage, and what it's like to date in what is essentially a new body.

We take our first foray into the world of professional sports with ESPN personality Israel Gutierrez! Until the age of 31, Izzy would only allow himself to go to gay bars once a year, and only when he was out of town. He talks about the man he met on one of those trips who helped him come out, and shares the emotional story of how he finally told his family. Also, we discuss how sports and politics have collided, and how being out actually ended up giving Izzy's career *more* meaning.

IG: @mrizgutierrez

It's a special family episode when we're joined by Nicole's Aunt Renee! Renee Kasman came out nearly 45 years ago, and some of the incredible highlights from her story include being a queer woman in 1970's NYC, and taking the state of Tennessee to court with Nicole's Aunt Nina! She also shares a foolproof answer to the age-old question, "Which one of you is the man?", and we do a cringe-worthy reading from a 1958 book Renee was given as a child on the dangers of "female homosexuality." YIKES.

@chettie123

We have a one-of-a-kind discussion with author, keynoter, and CEO, Jennifer Brown! Jennifer grew up in the conservative O.C., but a Vermont college a capella group helped her find her queer identity. Jennifer details how she was able to merge her LGBTQ activism with her work in the corporate sphere, and how she actively made the choice not to pass for straight in the business world. She gives us an education in "Rainbow Capitalism," DE&I, and the queer scene in early '90s Boston!

Twitter: @jenniferbrown

Today we welcome comedian/author/musician Lane Moore (Tinder Live; "How To Be Alone;" It Was Romance)! Lane literally wrote the BOOK on being by yourself, so she's the perfect guest for our second wave of quarantine. She takes us from her "mean girls"-esque high school experiences with women all the way up to today, where she is fully out as bi in her personal and public life. Also: the heteronormative roles we often impose on queer relationships, and the Small Girl/Tall Girl trope!

@hellolanemoore

Singer/songwriter Lucy LaForge grew up in a very conservative, Christian pocket of California, and didn't even hear the word "bisexual" until college (when someone point-blank asked her if she was one). She discusses the fears she had about being out publicly in the music industry, and how she ultimately let her songs lead the way. We also confront the maddening response of "Well, I mean, *everyone's* bi," and Lucy plays a coming out song LIVE IN LAUREN'S CLOSET!

Listen at Lucy & La Mer / @LucyAndLaMer

After three long years, we FINALLY sit down with co-founder of Tello Films/filmmaker extraordinaire, Christin Baker (Season of Love; I Hate New Year's)! Christin's new production company was just written up in Variety, but there was a time when her mom told her that making LGBTQ+ films would ruin her career. Christin discusses her family's (and her own) journey to acceptance, and why we don't want *less* lesbian corset dramas, we just want MORE lesbian other stuff! Also: the lost art of erotic hand-biting!

Actor/queer content creator Spencer (they/them) joins us while in L.A. for the Season of Love premiere! Spencer grew up with two moms on a "queer lady commune" (THE DREAM!), but that didn't make getting outed before they were ready any easier. Spencer talks to us about the formative effect of South of Nowhere, and their recent second-coming-out as non-binary! Also, a cautionary tale about why you should always remember to close the smutty fanfiction tabs on your computer...

@RiotEarp666/@beetlebitch666

Comic Henry Epstein (Portland Queer Comedy Festival) came out as gay at 13, but it wasn't until coming out as non-binary that the "celebratory missing piece" of their story fell into place. Henry tells us the ways in which body dysmorphia informed their relationship with gender, and discusses what it's like to be a non-binary person with male presenting privilege. We also talk code switching, tackle the semantics of "you guys" and "dude," and mourn the disappearance of Nicole's ass (RIP).

@okhenryepstein

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Hot on the heels of our "Flirting & Dating" episode, we sit down with queer dating coach Ariella Serur and ask her YOUR burning questions! Ariella bases her coaching on transparency, kindness, generosity, curiosity, and fun, and offers advice on questions like "What should I do if I'm freaking out on a date?!" She also discusses where to meet potential romantic partners, and talks about how and when to disclose...whatever it is you're nervous about disclosing! All this, and MUCH more!

@queerdatingcoach

19-year-old Gerson Macias was always affectionate with male friends growing up, and by the time he hit middle school, his community had singled him out for this "less-than-masculine" behavior. Gerson talks about the negative impacts of machismo on Mexican men, the essay that changed everything for him, and his journey debunking the ol' "Bi now, gay later" myth... Plus, Dobby is back in the studio!

Follow Gerson on Instagram at @flighttoinfinity. And hire him as a PA if you're a queer filmmaker!

We're joined by one of our all-time FAVORITE facilitators at the L.A. LGBT Center, Maggie Tielker! For the past eighteen months, Lauren and Maggie have been Zoom-facilitating together nearly every Monday night. But at age twenty-seven, Maggie herself went through the Center's Women's Coming Out Workshop! Maggie shares her suspiciously feminine childhood crushes (Hanson, Jared Leto...you get it), the pressure of the "relationship escalator," and her experience with VERY DIRECT queer elders!

@maggietielker

We're changing things up today with a fantastic coming out essay that was sent in to us by a listener! Breeann Campbell grew up with cerebral palsy, so she already felt like an outsider around her peers. When she started to develop feelings for girls in addition to boys...things got even more complicated. Nicole and Lauren read and discuss Breeann's beautiful coming out story, which includes a *heaping* dose of HARRY POTTER!

Check out the full text of Breeann's story at comingoutpod.com under "Resources"

Well, Lauren had another tweet go viral and made a ton of people angry again! But on the upside, it brought up something we've wanted to discuss for a while: triggers. Episode 11 guest (and Nicole's girlfriend) Mandahla Rose comes back to talk about navigating trauma that occurred while she was in foster care. She discusses learning to have agency over daily triggers, and we talk about the prevalence of LGBTQ trauma, and offer resources for healing.

(TW: sexual abuse)

Follow Mandahla at @twiistedrose

Just months before the protests, writer/actor Makeda Declet (Miracle Workers; Veep) wrote a one-act play that dealt with issues of intersectionality within the LGBTQ community. She talks to us about the experiences she's had as a Black queer woman that inspired her to write that piece, including having to exist in queer spaces that are predominantly run and populated by young white women. We also discuss the controversy surrounding West Hollywood's recent "All Black Lives Matter" Pride march.

@makdeclet

Cole Giannone uses they/them pronouns, and identifies as a combination of queer, trans non-binary, and transmasc. However, back when they were in high school (and well before all of these terms were commonplace), Cole was Nicole's first girlfriend! Cole and Nicole look back on their relationship, and examine how it was affected by elements of their identities that neither of them could put a name to at the time. Plus, the complexities of raising a child when it comes to gender - both theirs AND yours!

We have an amazing conversation with the ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL Alayna Joy! Alayna grew up in a half Lutheran/half Mennonite family in "the Canadian Bible Belt," and amassed a large following on YouTube making bisexual-focused LGBTQ content. But then quarantine happened, and she realized...she actually *wasn't* bi. Alayna shares her epic journey of multiple coming outs, and talks about where she finally landed in terms of identity. We also examine compulsory heterosexuality, aesthetic attraction, and more!

This week we are joined by Leigh Holmes Foster, co-host of fellow queer podcast Lez Hang Out! Leigh tells us about the "shitshow of emotions and hormones and confusion and stuff" that she tried to hide under a facade of normalcy throughout much of high school before coming out. Also: LiveJournal, Xena, Buffy, AIM, Brad Pitt, prom, and crushing on your straight best friend. You know; the basics.

Find Leigh on both Twitter and Instagram at @lshfoster, and follow Lez Hang Out everywhere at @lezhangoutpod!

Valentina D'Alessandro grew up in a tiny town in Northern Italy where Catholicism was ever-present, and the fact that she wasn't blonde-haired/blue-eyed made her an outsider. Despite losing a close gay family member to the AIDS epidemic when she was a child, Valentina had to carve her own path toward coming out (spoiler: The L Word was involved). She also may have let her first love give her an amateur tattoo...but we'll let her tell it, because it sounds better in an accent.

Follow @ohhvalentine on IG!

We finally get to chat with everyone's Fairy Gaymother, Dana Piccoli! Dana is a fixture in queer media, and a writer, host, and frequent moderator at ClexaCon. She talks to us about the "gay wave" that swept her all-girls Catholic prep school, and the pivotal "aha!" moment she had at show choir camp (very on brand for a coming out story). Also: being a late bloomer, and the importance of straight allies.

Dana is @DanaPiccoli everywhere, and her queer romance novel Savor the Moment comes out March 15th!

When BIFL writer Kelsey O’Regan realized in college that they* were bi (cheers, Glee!), they assumed that was their coming out story. In the past year, however, Kelsey has come to understand that they're also asexual, and a whole new journey has been unfolding. Kelsey is our first ace-identified guest, and we cover A LOT! Anxiety, Christianity, the lack of ace representation, the way that sex functions in relationships, the hyper-sexualization of culture and media...and Isabella Gomez.

*At the time of this recording, Kelsey was using she/her pronouns, but has since updated to using they/them. You can keep up with them on Twitter and Instagram at @goneawayawhile! Also, check out Season 1 of BIFL at https://www.bifltheseries.com/, and follow @bifltheseries on Instagram / @biflseries on Twitter to keep abreast of Season 2 news and updates!

CB Lee is the author of the young adult sci-fi series Sidekick Squad, so it's no surprise that the sci-fi genre played a central role in her own coming out as bisexual. CB shares how she writes her books for "16-year-old me," and talks about the power of seeing yourself represented in media. We discuss the parallels between queerness and superhero stories, and delve deep into mental health/suicide prevention. Also: #stillawerewolf

Follow CB at @cblee_cblee, and check out her books at www.cb-lee.com!

It's a special UK edition of the pod when Nicole and guest co-host Mandahla Rose (Episode 11) bring you a series of mini-interviews from the floor of ClexaCon London! Listen to coming out stories from across the globe recorded live at the world's largest multi-fandom event for LGBTQ women and allies. (Lauren isn't in this episode because she wasn't at ClexaCon, but she DEFINITELY ISN'T JEALOUS AT ALL.)

Re-live London (and get psyched for Vegas!) at www.clexa-con.com.

Growing up, actor Michael Sasaki (BIFL; Kidding; S.W.A.T.) was a competitive figure skater and the kind of guy who "always had a girlfriend." Michael discusses finding his truth by way of the Robinsons-May catalog, mistaking club culture for gay culture early on in his journey, and coming to terms with the fact that his Japanese heritage might be somewhat in conflict with his sexuality. Plus, puka shells and spiky hair - must be an early 2000's coming out!

Follow Michael on Instagram at @mikeisready.

It's our most VISUALLY STUNNING episode yet, with a guest whose coming out story spans Maine, Scotland, and Alaska! Eileen Hanley (Crazy Hot: The Podcast) always thought/knew she was bisexual, but internalized biphobia and an eight-year relationship with her boyfriend made her feel like she'd somehow be "lying" if she came out. She tells us about her deliciously awkward first sexual experience with a woman, and explains why EVERYONE is crazy hot! Also, we come up with a fun new nickname for Lauren's boobs!

The ridiculously charismatic Lance Lowe shares stories about growing up as a queer man of color, advocating for trans folks, and coming out to his mother just TWO WEEKS before we recorded this episode! He also teaches us the expression "queering your space," and tells the tale of his first sexual encounter via Craigslist. (Spoiler alert: it wasn't great.)

Find Lance on Facebook, where he is a self-described "hot mess," or follow him on Instagram at @sir_lance_a_thawt.

TV Writer/Producer Kim Kressal (Lesbian Love Octagon) spent her adolescence unaware that lesbians even existed, but later dove headfirst into the lesbian culture of late '90s NYC. She talks to us about getting both "gay married and gay divorced," her experience "passing" as straight while in a relationship with a trans man, and the time she accidentally left a strap-on at her mom's place(!!!). Also, debunking the trope of the predatory lesbian, and the BEST Ani DiFranco song you've never heard!

Follow Kim on Twitter and Instagram at @kkressal.

Shantell Yasmine Abeydeera (Girls Like Magic) grew up in Australia with very religious Sri Lankan parents, and felt tremendous pressure to meet their expectations. Yaz details her difficult but inspiring story, speaking candidly on toxic relationships and substance abuse ("It's incredible that I'm alive"). She shares how she came to love herself and her sexual identity, and how she's learned to cultivate a peaceful relationship with her mother. Also: Yaz's pizza theory!

IG: @shantell_yasmine_abeydeera

We put a spin on our usual format when Nicole's mom, Karen, tells a coming out story from a parent's POV. Back in Episode 1, Nicole spoke candidly about her mother's reaction to her coming out as bisexual 17 years ago. This week, Karen is equally open and honest in talking about what the experience felt like on her end at that time, and how she evolved to where she is today.

Karen Pacent is a certified coach, meditation instructor, and business leader. See the work she's doing at www.karenpacent.com.

Lauren and guest co-host Mandahla Rose have a conversation with 21-year-old PJ Hase that could have gone on for HOURS! PJ identifies as both asexual and aromantic, and tells us about being in a friend group that "tried on labels...like trying on clothes at the mall." PJ shares what it's like when friends are at the top of your relationship hierarchy, and explains concepts like the split attraction model, primary vs. secondary attraction, and amatonormativity. Also, the "spectrum" aspect of the ace spectrum!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! We're ringing in 2020 (not too loudly, in case you're hungover) with our first ever listener mailbag episode! Some of the many topics we cover include dating someone who isn’t out yet, coming out later in life, getting over a brutal breakup, what to do when you think your friend might be queer, and what if anything we would have changed about our *own* coming out journeys. Also, by popular demand: we tease a future episode about Nicole’s poly coming out story!

Check out comingoutpod.c

Digital Producer Eden Treviño is just now coming off the roughest year of her life, but you'd never know it to talk to her. She discusses the strength and perspective she's gained from everything she's been through, and how happy she is with where she landed. Eden tells us the most cinematic coming out story we've EVER heard, which spans from Las Vegas to Mexico, and includes a literal hip injury! Plus, how The L Word's Carmen made her realize that she, too, could be a queer femme Latina.

@theedentrevin

Celeste Pechous (Work in Progress; One Day at a Time) struggled so much with her sexuality that, at age sixteen, she told God she was "ready if you're ready for me." Cut to today, where she proudly plays a lesbian on a TV show that literally airs back-to-back with The L Word! Celeste fills in the 20+ years in between: her first closeted relationship, finding her girl posse in Chicago's queer community, and stepping back to give her parents the time they needed to process her identity.

IG: @celesteinclogs

As a kid, actor Lauren Neal (Westworld) used to dress in her brother's clothing, and was constantly asked if she was a boy. She talks to us about doing drag for the first time (as Prince!), the insane amount of Dyke Drama (TM) she went through in college, and the "if you ever cheat on me, I'll murder you" pact that she has with her wife (it's much cuter than it sounds). Also, how she learned to be up front and ask her family for what she wanted when it came to her relationship.

Follow @TheLaurenNeal!

It's our end-of-the-year MAILBAG EPISODE! We take on questions about finding and connecting with queer culture and community, navigating the waters of being bi+ in a hetero-presenting relationship, and having doubts about your identity post-coming out. We also tackle a series of *very* sticky queries about gender, because why not end the year with a bang?! All this, plus some fun ways to still have us in your earholes next week, even though we're taking a l'il hiatus. YOU SURVIVED 2020! CELEBRATE WITH US!

Because the world needs more white cis people sharing their views on Dave Chappelle!!! In all seriousness, we explain up top why it felt necessary to address "The Closer," and how we hope this episode amounts to getting sh*t out of our systems before having a trans guest on to discuss. We share some opinions we KNOW won't be popular! We do some yelling! Lauren mentions Ashlee Marie Preston a billion times! We hope you'll listen.

FOLLOW:
@ashleemariepreston
@hopegiselle
@raquel_willis
@janayathefuture

We absolutely adore speaker, author, and host Raga Olga D'silva, whose warmth and positivity will literally BLEED THROUGH YOUR HEADPHONES! Raga discusses the surprising way in which sexuality and gender are thought of in patriarchal Indian culture, and the impact that has had on her. She also talks about realizing she was a lesbian when she was married with two young children, her close-knit community's reaction, and the important distinction of martyrdom vs. nurturing. Plus: Bollywood!

@totallyoutnow

By age twenty-five, journalist and author Lauren Duca (Teen Vogue; "How to Start a Revolution") had the perfect husband and a highly-successful career (who DOESN'T want to obliterate Tucker Carlson?). Inside, though, she was miserable, and felt "evil" for not being happy with her life. Lauren shares how Trump's election and a frog DMT ceremony helped her realize she was a lesbian; she also talks femmephobia, and shares tips for staying politically active when everything seems overwhelming af.

@laurenduca

We bring on another one of our co-facilitators to help us tell the very-relevant story of The Most Uncomfortable Conversation (TM) we've ever had at the LGBT Center! Writer Chanel Glover (Sasha & Condi) was raised in a family that always taught her to be proud of her Blackness; when it came to her queerness, though, Chanel initially felt like she was betraying her Black community by "sharing her activism." We talk being "woke" vs. being self-aware, and also get real about lesbian cliquiness...

@celaineg

JD Barton is a doctoral student in clinical psychology, and our very first guest whose coming out story involves a CELEBRITY! (...But not like that.) JD's methods of dealing with his sexuality included becoming super-religious as a child, and later crafting the personality of the "hilariously-sassy-but-totally-desexualized-gay-guy!" in high school. He also talks volunteering for The Trevor Project, gives insider tips on how to find cheap mental health resources, and makes us snort-laugh.

IG: @notjdbee

Hey, everybody! Things sure are f@cking weird right now, huh?! In our first ever remotely recorded episode, Lauren and Nicole process their feelings about the coronavirus pandemic, and talk about how they've been spending their time in quarantine (#quarantinedqueers). Nicole shares how her polycule is navigating lockdown! Lauren comes out as a former OCD-sufferer and current germaphobe! We let you know about some great content that our former guests are producing! And we love on y'all from afar.

In our very first Skype episode, we call the faraway land of Canada to talk to Carmilla star NATASHA NEGOVANLIS! Natasha tells us all about Freelancers Anonymous, her latest female-centric movie that she says felt like "going to summer camp." We also discuss the benefits of having a Fairy Gaymother; plus, Natasha describes a poignant moment she had while filling out a census, and shares the story of the first time she kissed a girl. Buckle up, creampuffs!

Follow Natasha on Twitter and IG at @natvanlis.

Our guest this week comes to us during her campaign for CONGRESS! Frances Yasmeen Motiwalla's Peruvian mother and Pakistani father raised her as an Evangelical, but little did they know that a Mission trip to Ireland would prove pivotal to their daughter realizing she was a lesbian... Frances discusses how she went from feeling powerless to being politically engaged, the tragedy in her past that inspired her to run for office, and how LGBTQ equality is a cornerstone of her campaign.

Check out fym2020.com

In a departure from our usual format, fellow LGBT Center facilitator Ryan Wooten tells his story about coming out as HIV+. Ryan was in a monogamous relationship when he was diagnosed in his early twenties, and talks about moving from despair, to acceptance, to confidence. He explains how learning to live "proud and positive" made him the strongest version of himself, and we discuss how honestly disclosing any number of things to a partner can actually be sexy.

Follow Ryan on Instagram at @fittedkid89!

We finally talk to the woman who started it all! Writer Susan Miller not only co-created Anyone But Me and wrote on Season 1 of the original L Word, she's also THE REASON WHY THIS PODCAST EXISTS (for real)! An award-winning playwright, Susan talks about coming out almost exclusively through her work, and explains why she has described herself as a "bisexual lesbian." We also tackle the hot-button issue of authenticity in casting, and answer the ancient Zen question, "What is the sound of two women kissing?"

British indie folk singer songwriter Enny Owl used to pray that the girl she had a crush on wouldn't come to class, because she believed that the butterflies she felt around her were sinful. Today, she identifies as "a queer pi" (because she's torn between bi and pan), and plays us the first song she ever wrote using female pronouns! Enny shares how internalized biphobia made her suppress her attraction to men in an attempt to prove she was gay, we examine the concept of "the other woman," and more!

We talk to filmmaker Jessica Ellis, whose female-led coming of age movie "What Lies West" premieres May 11th! Jessica describes "continually interrogating" herself about her own bisexuality, and talks about queer people shading her on Twitter with comments like "ugh; STRAIGHT women!" when she is very much not in that category. Also, the difficulties of hitting on women ("I feel like I'd be hitting on someone in Swedish"), and the extreme importance of theatre make-out parties!

Follow @baddestmamajama

Keira Ferrari grew up in the '70s in Mexico as the oldest of six children in a very religious family. She talks to us about the mental gymnastics she performed for decades to deny the fact that she was trans, until she finally started going "full time" as her authentic self in July of 2015. A lawyer of twenty years, Keira also shares how her transition brought about the decision to follow her true career dream, which is currently underway as we speak!

You can find Keira on Facebook at "Keira Ferrari."

In this can't-miss episode, we sit down with wise and wonderful actress/writer/storyteller/healer Dalila Ali Rajah! Dalila didn't discover her attraction to women until she was in her mid-twenties and in a serious relationship with a man, but when she went there...she went BOLDLY. Dalila details her years-long journey as we take a DEEP dive into polyamory, bisexuality, motherhood, and gender. Also, Nicole has a second coming out of her own...!

Follow @dalilaalirajah everywhere / www.dalilaalirajah.com

We finally take on the topic of cancel culture, and HOO BOY, do we have a lot to say! Author, speaker, and advocate Amanda Jetté Knox was in a hetero marriage when her 11-year-old came out as trans...but that was only the beginning! We talk about their family's incredible journey, and how it ironically led to Amanda being attacked online by the very community she so fiercely advocated for. You'll laugh! You'll cry! And you'll love (or hate) some of our opinions...

amandajetteknox.com / @MavenOfMayhem

Actor Marc Anthony Samuel (General Hospital; NCIS; etc.) stops by with his dogs Jeff and Rooney to talk about how he evolved from identifying as "I'm gay!" to identifying as "I'm Marc." We also discuss how coming out is a choice and not a necessity; plus Lauren and Nicole court queer-friendly sponsors!

Speaker and activist Elena Joy Thurston converted to Mormonism as a teenager, married at twenty, and went on to have four children, but seventeen years into her marriage, she began the harrowing journey of coming to terms with her lesbian identity. She relays the incredible story of how she unexpectedly met the love of her life, survived a mental health crisis and conversion therapy, and went on to happily live her truth. It's a surprisingly funny tale of triumph...and fly fishing.

elenajoyexperience.com

We get our minds blown by our first ever AROMANTIC guest! John Arrow (a second grade teacher and founder of TGI Femslash) has come out as *five* different things over the years (including bi and trans), but his aromantic identity is by the far the most recent. John discusses the societal pressures to be coupled, and opens our eyes to the term "amatonormativity," the idea of queerplatonic relationships, and the notion of squishes!

Registration for TGIF/F opens Sept. 9! Go to tgifemslash.com for details...