Back to the Barre (Christi Lukasiak & Kelly Hyland)

Best friends Christi and Kelly are back to discuss episode two of their hit series ‘Dance Moms,’ where the daughters head to Lancaster, Pennsylvania to perform their “Electricity” number. The moms are as concerned as ever about the age-appropriateness of their daughters’ dance moves and outfits, especially in religiously-conservative Lancaster, PA. Abby is overstepping her bounds and confusing her role as dance teacher with a role as parent. 

Though Kelly and Christi are the only two to be seen complaining about it, there is resentment among all the moms about the special praise and attention lavished on Maddie, and the pressure it puts on the other girls. Sewing the girls’ costumes before competitions was a job–and a source of drama– unto itself.

Tune into this week’s episode to hear about the debut of Abby’s infamous flip flip tee-shirt, and the exclusive stories that never made it to air, like what Cathy threw at Christi, and why Abby called Kelly white trash. 

Quotes

“All the little girls who were our kids' age are now watching as young adults and they all like us moms now. Whereas Before, they only liked the kids..” (5:03-5:10- Christi) 

“Abby says we as moms live through our kids and that we shouldn’t go to the competitions. And the kids should do what she says, not what their mom says. Who tells a kid that?”(13:55-14:11 | Kelly)

“Abby says that when kids from other studios come to her studio, no one knows terminology and I do agree with that. She definitely taught terminology.” (46:39-46:50 | Kelly)

“That is legit. Abby used to do it on Sunday nights when there were no cameras around, and we would be coming home and all of us would be on the bus ready to kill ourselves, and she would be screaming at the bus driver for going in the wrong direction.”(1:03:10-1:03:20 | Christi) 

“It was only episode two and Abby already wanted us gone.” (1:15:28-1:15:31- | Kelly) 

Links

Follow Christi on IG: www.instragram.com/christilukasiak

Follow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

Subscribe to our Patreon for access to our After party episodes:: www.patreon.com/backtothebarre

Subscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w 

Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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“Before the show, I didn’t even know I rolled my eyes,” Christi says while recapping Episode 11 of Dance Moms. Christi’s eyes get as much of a workout this episode, which takes place in Lake Tahoe, as Chloe, whose dancing/filming schedule has been so punishing she’s starting to break down. When Abby sits the mothers down to give feedback about their daughters’ techniques, she says Chloe lacks confidence, not realizing her relentless criticism is the cause. She says Brooke and Paige are slow to comprehend things, and Kelly is quick to point out that Brooke is 13 and dancing with 6-year-olds, when she danced with senior girls as a 5-year-old. Brooke has several national title trophies, which Kelly tells Abby to shove up her ass. 

Kelly blows up in rehearsal because, once again, Maddie gets special treatment at the expense of Paige and Brooke. She regrets the times she got upset on camera because it let producers know what got under her skin and how to use it against her. Meanwhile Chloe and Maddie’s sweet exchanges backstage at the auditorium show how close the girls truly are without Abby’s negative and meddling influence. The moms had the same camaraderie with each other, despite producers only ever showing them fighting.

While filming these episodes, the moms were becoming more aware, in real time, of how they were being portrayed, what producers were up to, and how they needed to change their behavior in order to protect themselves and their daughters. Eleven years later, there are still regrets and fresh wounds, but ultimately a hard earned sense of humor about it all. 

Quotes

“It seems very glamorous. All these people who would come on and be featured and be told that they were amazing. They weren’t doing the grind like our kids. So, everyone thought it was super glamorous but when you really stepped into it, it was hard as hell.” (18:09-18:26 | Christi)

“I think that’s a little glimpse that you get into the moms. Even though the only interaction you see is us always fighting, we would sit upstairs for hours, and 90 percent of the time we laughed our asses off..” (23:50-24:04 | Christi)

“Normally, Abby is throwing us out. Last week she said, ‘You don’t need to be here, get out!’ Now, this week she wants us in. She probably wanted us to make costumes, honestly.” (25:49-26:03 | Kelly and Christi)

“I am just sheer misery on camera.” (30:16-30:19 | Christi)

“I don’t want my kids to be like Maddie and Chloe. I never cared if my kids got first place. My complaint always was good choreography that could compete and a good costume. I didn’t want to beat Chloe. I didn’t want to beat Maddie. And neither did they, they were always very happy for the others.” (32:45-33:04 | Kelly)

“The problem with our show is Abby had too much control. If there had been people behind the scenes–which we tried to get—an off-camera choreographer, an off-camera costume people and Abby wasn’t calling the shots on everything, (33:39-33:56 | Christi)

“Even for our kids to get good dances, the producers would have to almost kill Abby. They would have to bribe her, they would have to threaten her. (33:57-34:05 | Christi)

“They show a shot of me, and my eye roll is absolutely ludicrous. I have one eye closed, one eye in the back of my head. It looks like I’m having a seizure. (35:28-35:38 | Christi)

“Before the show, I didn’t even know I rolled my eyes.” (35:39-35:43 |Christi) 

“I’ve said this all along: When you have high expectations of someone, they rise to the occasion. When you’re constantly putting them down, then they feel like they’re a failure and can’t do it anyway, and think

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On this episode of Back to the Barre, Kelly is operating with a broken hand. Without giving away any spoilers, it’s related to a pair of burst water boobs, and more loosely related to the time she fell into a manhole during filming. She and Christi are reviewing Episode 7 of Dance Moms, Titled “She’s a Fighter.” This was the first episode filmed since the show became a hit and was picked up for a new season, so everyone is about to head out on the road to film for the next six weeks. Their first stop is at a week-long competition which takes place at a casino, and so Abby expects everyone to pack a themed outfit for each day. Melissa discusses her relationship with her late mother, for whom Maddie is dancing in tribute. Abby continues to be unfair (and culturally insensitive) to Nia. It only serves to bring out Nia’s sweet nature, and what would become Holly’s trademark gracious indignation. Vivi continues to foil Cathy’s pretentiousness with her deadpan honesty. Abby’s studio continues to be an unsanitary “shithole,” and Kelly and Christi vow to mention it every episode.

A recurring source of frustration while filming the show was that the moms didn’t get a chance to respond against false accusations–neither from Abby nor from producers. Abby accused them of not paying their bills, and production never showed the women’s response setting the record straight. During confrontations, Abby talked over everyone and walked out before anyone could get a word in. Kelly expresses sadness over the deterioration of her family’s long, close relationship with Abby. Christi says that the show would have been so different if it showed all the light moments they enjoyed, where the girls were just having fun. 

Join the party to find out why Melissa was always telling Maddie to go to the bathroom, why they had to wear the same clothes day after day, and what Holly carried in all of those big bags.

Quotes

“Holly was holding her bag again in Pyramid. I think she doesn’t want to leave it in the den because it’ll end up full of ants. I swear to God.” (13:49-13:59 | Christi)

“Abby says, ‘I’m proud, and I don’t say that often.’ And we’re like, ‘You’re right, you don’t.’ And she’s also proud of the moms because we kept our mouths shut.” (15:00-15:09 | Christi)

“And then we get the interview of Abby, and she’s glowing! And she says, ‘Maddie is doing a breathtakingly beautiful lyrical routine in a stunning white costume.’ I think she creamed her jeans.” (21:50-22:03 | Christi)

“Remember she told me I wasn’t paying my bills? They always cut out our responses. My bill was paid a year in advance.”(28:53-29:04 | Kelly)

“My cousin works for the police, and they were down there because they knew I was on the show, and they said that Abby was such a pain in the ass. She was always calling them there for stupid shit. They think she’s ridiculous.” (29:19-29:41 | Kelly) 

“Abby has her stack of papers. That is her move. She feels important when she comes in with her folder of papers. And she doesn’t let you speak first, she just goes at you, so you don’t have a chance to tell her what you think. She just goes at you with these papers. And when you’re responding to her, she just walks out.”(30:39-30:56 | Christi)

“Vivi is a mood. All day, every day.”(35:01-35:04 | Christi)

“Abby always asks why our kids look dumbfounded. It’s because they have to respond to dumb shit!” (36:43-36:49 | Christi)

“Nobody else would have ever gone up to Abby while she was sleeping and put a gummy worm in her mouth, but my kids were close enough to her that they would do that kind of stuff because they had that kind of relationship. It’s just sad for me to see that we had that kind of relationship in Season 1 and then coming to 2 and 3, that ends. It’s sad.” (49:01-49:20 | Kelly)

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“I’m so fired up,” says Christi in regards to episode 9 of Dance Moms, “This is one of those episodes that I’m still pissed off about.” It’s the episode in which the crew heads to Las Vegas, where the girls do their dance routine as each of the seven deadly sins. Kelly and Christi agree the theme was simply a way for Abby to get another dig in at the girls, (e.g. Chloe is envious of Maddie and Brooke wastes her talent by being lazy). The women discuss the den of lust that was the Rumor, a sleazy and completely inappropriate hotel for young children to stay. Abby herself commits the other sins like gluttony (only filming with the girls in Rumor’s restaurant because there was ice cream involved), and she’s as full of wrath as ever for anyone who gets in her way. She even breaks some commandments as Kelly insists that Abby truly wants the girls to disrespect their parents, and she spreads false rumors about all of the mothers knowing the audience will automatically believe her.

This episode is also a watershed as it’s the first one where a group of new mothers come into Cathy’s Candy Apple studios trying to be like the “core four” Moms and Christi and Kelly agree it doesn’t work. The Moms visit an ice bar and as soon as they leave they attend the premiere of Dance Moms, which is pretty much the moment their lives completely change. Christi says the ice bar is her all time favorite moment as it’s the last time they were just Kelly, Christi, Melissa and Holly–four regular moms from Pittsburgh. 

Join the party to find out why the moms were escorted out of the premiere, and the two words that Christi shares with Kelly that will haunt them both for the rest of their lives. 

Quotes

“I think Abby would like none of the children in the world to have mothers, so she could just rule.” (12:36-12:43 | Kelly)

“It didn’t take much to make the girls happy, the producers should have done something every week to make them happy. It wouldn’t have been that difficult.” (31:21- 31:29 | Kelly)

“Kelly you say, ‘I’m so excited that the girls are seeing this, because it shows what they’ve been working for.’ And then the very next sentence is Liz telling us that she works topless.” (32:02-32:15 | Christi)

“The night we premiered we were still filming. We couldn’t even have the night that our show premiered off. We were working.” (37:48-37:59 | Kelly)

“Let me just say, the only way they got Abby to go down there was the ice cream. She was not babysitting our children. They said you have to come down and film for 15 minutes with ice cream sundaes, or she would not have been filming.” (39:02-39:17 | Kelly)

“To be fair, Holly was probably only drinking because she was trying to use the alcohol to kill any germs she picked up at Rumor.” (52:30-52:36 | Christi) 

“Abby tells us that I’m rude and arrogant and clueless. Funny though, Abby always talks about how I was smart and you had to watch me. It just goes to show that she knows that whatever she says, people will believe. And she says it a few other times in this episode about other things and it pisses me off because I think, ‘They’re you go, just saying shit people will believe just because you’re saying it.’” (56:28-56:53 | Christi)

“We always start off strong at the beginning of the seasons, and then halfway through, by Nationals, when we get to the New Orleans episode in Season 3, you see me in New Orleans, and you when you’re sitting on the dumpster at the end of Season 2. We look like we have been ridden hard and put away wet. It’s exhausting. Rough.” (1:03:47-1:04:17 | Christi)

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“If we all got lawyers then there wouldn’t have been a show,” says Kelly about this episode of Dance Moms where Melissa sends the other Moms cease and desist letters. In the viewing room, the Moms had asked Melissa why she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring, and Melissa stormed out, while getting in touch with her lawyers. Abby lashes out at both the kids and the Moms in defense of Melissa. This scene sums up one of Christi’s fundamental disagreements with the show: the hypocrisy and double standards for different people. Melissa signed up for the same reality show that Christi and Kelly did, yet she hides behind Abby and doesn’t play ball, leaving Christi and Kelly to carry the show, engage in the kind of conflict the viewers tune in for, and as a result, look jealous and petty. Christi reveals the real reason Melissa wasn’t wearing her engagement ring, why she was so defensive, and the real ‘they’ Melissa was referring to on the phone.

Nia has a spot in the trio and is so excited about it. All the Moms want her to do well, especially because they know Abby will make her a scapegoat if things go wrong. Taylor, one of Cathy’s Candy Apples gets injured, and Cathy immediately wonders how well Kendall will be able to fill Taylor’s shoes. 

Everyone is wearing so much faux fur, ugly sequins and junky jewelry that Kelly can only touch her cocktail to her lips as she reviews, for fear of passing out. Abby continues to be a verbally abusive hypocrite, her desk remains a waste hazard and she carries her pizza box like it’s a book.

Quotes 

• “Everyone just thinks we're being bitches. No, there's a lot more to it than what you think. So this is a good episode for us to give behind-the-scenes takes on things because I think people are going to say, ‘Oh, that makes a lot more sense than what we've watched.’” (10:07-10:21 | Christi)
• “Honestly, our big night out always was Saturday nights after we finished filming. And we were always so exhausted. We would go and lay in a hotel room, drink wine, and have dinner. Sometimes we’d go out to dinner. Or the mall. We went to the mall a lot with the girls. Yeah, because we were gone and needed clothes.” (20:43-21:09 | Christi and Kelly)
• “We either had no time to eat, or all we did was eat our feelings.” (30:45-30:48 | Christi)
• “Abby repeats that she chose this topic since the girls are privileged. And a lot of kids their age aren't. Yeah, who else's parents can 16 grand a year on dance? Yeah, just a bunch of assholes.” (52:02-52:14 | Kelly and Christi)
• “I just want to point out how excited the producers were that there was an ambulance involved. Oh, yeah. They were really excited. Blood. Ambulance. Drama. Yeah.” (1:24:03-1:24:13 | Christi)
• “We should have gotten a lawyer to protect us. And we wouldn't have been in the positions we are, but the show also wouldn’t be what it is.” (1:28:01-1:28:15 | Kelly) 
• “Happy holidays if we don't see you. Kisses. I hope Santa puts you on the good list. I'm not sure about us. I think we're on the bad list. Naughty list for the win. At least you'll be in the pit next to me in hell.” (1:33:48-1:34:05 | Christi and Kelly) 

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“There are two good episodes of Chloe in ‘Dance Moms’ and this is one of them,” says Christi of the final episode of Season 1. In this episode, the girls and their moms are still in L.A., (although there is a “pickup” scene that is filmed in Studio B back in Pittsburgh and everyone had to pretend otherwise.) Chloe is chosen to portray the younger version of singer Lux in Lux’s music video, “It’s Like Summer.” This was really a competition between Chloe and Paige, and as Christi points out, Paige received high praise from producers and more camera time than even Chloe in the video’s final cut. Yet Dance Mom producers made it seem like another rivalry between Chloe and Maddie to amp up the drama.

Kelly and Christi finally find an “abbey” they like. They talk about visiting The Abbey, a West Hollywood institution and wonder, not for the first time, how a group of moms from suburban Pittsburgh ever found themselves in such a crazy situation. Back then, reality stars didn’t think to brand themselves or utilize social media the way they do now. Only a few years later, other cast members like JoJo Siwa, capitalized on the mistakes and missed opportunities of the show’s original core cast. 

Kelly and Christi continue to share hilarious anecdotes about being recognized in their early days of fame, when people still thought they knew the ladies from the bank or from church, but we’re still waiting to hear the story about naked pizza. 

Quotes

“Abby uses one of my favorite quotes, the one that reminds me of the night I got roofied: It’s every man for himself.’ She said that when I got roofied.” (13:37-13:48 | Christi)

“It’s really unfortunate that Chloe and I are featured a lot in this episode’s interviews because these are the worst interview looks Chloe and I have ever had so far.” (22:47-22:59 | Christi)

“We had the bows before JoJo had the bow-bow.” (24:49-24:51 | Christi)

“Melissa looks like she’s from ‘Little House on the Prairie’ in these episodes, except with fake boobs.’ (34:19-34:26 | Christi)

“We weren’t of that era. Now, when people get cast on shows they think, ‘How can I have this be on my social media? How can I leverage this? How can I brand this like JoJo with the bows?’ We had bows in every episode but JoJo had someone to brand her. And she was three years later, and watched us so she knew what to expect.” (39:13-39:37 | Kelly and Christi)

“No one knew what to do with us or our kids. It was just a totally different thing. Now, if you’re on TV you can say, ‘Here’s a link to my outfit.’ Then we just thought, ‘What isn’t dirty. What can I put on my body and just crawl into the dance studio and get through the day. We were not like that. The world wasn’t like that.” (40:52-41:19 | Christi)

“The kids spent 24/7 together, you didn’t really want to be in an argument with each other.” (42:42-42:48 | Kelly)

“I know everyone in the audience says, ‘You could have called and met with the producer Seven.’ No, I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t go and meet with an acting coach because I was on a TV show, and I could only do what they allowed me to do.” (43:57-44:14 | Kelly)

“Let’s drink in honor of the kidnapper van. I wish it would kidnap me.” (47:43-47:48 | Kelly and Christi)

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One thing Christi and Kelly understood very early on in filming the show was that they had a job to do. It was starring on ‘Dance Moms,’ complete with all of the personal and familial sacrifices that come with it. This was Abby’s job, too, though she fails to recognize this or act accordingly. Once again, the moms can be seen on camera signing paperwork (signing their lives away, Kelly jokes). It also means they realize for the first time this episode, they will have to deal with the wrath of crazy fans, even in a side alley in L.A. Guest choreographer Michael steps in to give Paige the attention and instruction that is Abby’s job to give. Kelly insists she would never hire Michael in real life, but had to listen to producer instructions. After all, she had a job to do. 

When it comes to her role as choreographer and star maker, however, Abby has always known exactly what she was doing. She has a power lunch with Maddie (who drinks her Shirley Temple from a martini glass) to discuss Maddie’s career. Abby later tells her the dance she’s about to perform will be the one that will make her a star. This dance is widely considered to be the one that inspired singer Sia to feature Maddie in her video ‘Chandelier,’ after which Maddie’s career was launched into the stratosphere. 

Eleven years on, the ladies continue to work hard to keep us as entertained in these recaps as they did on the show. Hear Christi detail that first encounter with a crazy Abby fan, why she and Holly were in an alley, how weed was involved, and what made Christi shit her pants, not once, but twice.

Quotes

“This is the first episode after the show premiered and you can totally tell that we’ve stepped up our glam.” (6:04-:6:11 | Christi)

“The producers like to make Abby look like she babysits our kids. Meanwhile, she never watched our kids, nor would we want her to.” (15:42-15:50 | Kelly)

“All of a sudden out of nowhere, in 14-inch stiletto platform pumps, Shangela hits the ground—boom!—in the death drop and we shit our pants.” (25:29-25:39 | Christi)

“No wonder Candy Apples was such a producer’s favorite because it’s almost like parody, the whole thing.” (30:40-30:48 | Christi) 

“One thing I was thinking is that Abby talked about what she gave up for the show. Well, we did, too. My ten-year-old is at home alone for the next month. I gave up things for the show, too.” (32:48-32:05 | Kelly)

“The minute I hear ‘Dream on a Star’ my heart squeezes. That is my favorite, it has a special place in my heart.” (41:19-41:34 | Christi)

“Then we have a weird interaction where Abby is talking to us like we’re humans. It’s weird.”(42:44-42:51 | Christi) 

“Abby goes on to say that it’s really unprofessional when one professional mocks another professional. But I’m thinking, ‘Isn’t it really unprofessional when a teacher mocks a student, too?” (55:22-55:34 | Christi)

“This might be the dance that Sia saw and decided she was moved by Maddie, and wanted her in ‘Chandelier.’ Abby was completely right because she said this could change your life and it has. It did. Look at Maddie’s career, it’s incredible. So, Abby knew what she was doing, and we’ve always said that.” (59:58-1:00:17 | Christi)

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“I cannot believe this show is on television,” says Christi about Season 2 Episode 2 of Dance Moms. “It’s so absurd!” It’s also hilarious. It features some of the funniest lines in the show’s history, including the name that Christi called Cathy, which producers asked her to modify because it was too funny to leave out but too obscene for a family audience. This latest recap is just as funny, and features a story of Kelly eating at a Chinese restaurant with Abby that lives rent-free in Christi’s head. 

In this episode, Kelly and Christi react to Jill’s sense of entitlement and willingness to overstep her bounds and play dirty right from the beginning. Abby continues to play dirty, too, accusing Kelly of being drunk at rehearsal, and insinuating to Nia that Holly doesn’t love her. Kelly’s resulting tirade manages to be unintentionally hilarious. Vivi-anne continues to be a source of deadpan comedy for Christi, delivering two lines that have since gone down in Dance Moms history, one of which is Christi’s favorite of all time. 

They discuss the dance at this week’s competition which is Katy Perry meets the Andrews sisters, complete with rats and snoods that are the bane of their existence. They only wish the show would choose better music to dub over the original choreography music, and that they would show the actual dance moves that made their daughters stars in the first place. 

Quotes

“This episode has a ton of really iconic lines from the show that have been quoted a billion times, so this will be a fun one to recap.” (8:48-8:54 | Christi)

“It’s so funny that the show always opens with Abby screaming ‘Girls, let’s go!’ because it makes it seem like our girls aren’t ready. Meanwhile, our girls have been sitting there for four hours waiting to go.” (9:57-10:08 | Christi)

“I am astounded at the bullshit that is said out loud to these children. I don’t remember these things and when you watch it back, it’s horrifying!” (20:50-21:01 | Christi)

“This is where it starts to get dirty, and there will be lots of this going on in Season 2. Abby gets pissed because as we and our kids become popular with the fans, Abby wants us gone. She doesn't want anyone on the show who the fans like, except for her favorites or herself. So she would get so pissed off if anybody liked us, so that’s why she wants you and your kids gone. Because people liked you.” (45:39-46:08 | Christi)

“We’re in the dressing room, and we’re starting to do their hair and it’s hair everywhere, there’s rats and snoods, Abby is wearing a frickin tracksuit with aggressive rhinestone jewelry. It is Dance Moms at its finest.” (1:00:09-1:00:24 | Christi)

“This is why I liked Candy Apple weeks because we were very united as a team. It felt good.” (1:11:37-1:11:43 | Christi)

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“This one was a no-drinker for me; this one was easy,” Christi says of the latest Back to the Barre recap. Probably because Jill does all the heavy lifting in this Dance Moms episode. Jill doesn’t shut up, she can’t follow the rules, particularly when it comes to the assignment for this week’s costume, and she ends up throwing a chair across a dressing room in Texas.

Maddie falls while competing on the slick gym floor and the show presents it in the most melodramatic way possible, despite the previous scene in which Abby tells Nia that dancers power through their pain. In fact, Paige broke her foot backstage and wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital until she finished dancing. And still, according to Abby, she and the rest of the girls are lazy slugs. 

Find out what Abby does that Christi considers the scariest thing ever, and the infamous clause in the ALDC contract that Abby makes her most successful students sign, with a major (ahem) cash-only penalty. 

Quotes

“Abby's disappointed because the energy level could have been higher. And you can't have a bunch of slugs on stage. Slugs. Meanwhile, she would lay in bed in the morning while those slugs were in school all day, waiting to film. Yeah. And then let somebody come and do her makeup while she was laying in bed.” (11:52-12:17 | Christi and Kelly) 

“These kids should be like diamonds at this point with all the pressure. Well, they are diamonds, they are. Every one of them.” (14:10-14:17 | Christi) 

“Jill says that she's tired of rules, and her actions dictating Kendall’s experience. Well, hm. That's the whole premise of the show. So I don't know what you signed up for. “(20:50-21:03 | Christi)

“There was a part of her contract that said–because she had somebody burn her, I won't say who, I'll tell you later—if you were a title winner, if you renege on your title or back out or whatever, you have to pay her $100,000 in cash. Within seven days. Why does it have to be cash? Hmm. So she doesn't have to show it.” (21:18-21:42 | Christi and Kelly)

“I'm just glad that you told Jill to shut up. She was so offended by me telling her that, but she never stopped talking!” (26:58-27:05 | Kelly)

“We see Abby at the desk, and she answers the phone and a guy asks for Abby Lee Miller. And she's so nervous. And I'm thinking, you would have thought if a guy was calling and asking for her, she’d be excited. Yeah. She knew it wasn't for that.” (35:32-35:48 | Christi and Kelly)

“Holly comes into the audience and she's telling us what's going on with Nia. But Kelly, you are picking your teeth. Probably after lunch, I'm surprised I didn't have dental floss. That’s just like me shoving the cracker, the food, in my car because you forget that you're on camera and you're being a normal human. Put it on national television. Why wouldn't they edit that out?I swear they look for that kind of stuff. (50:36-51:23 | Christi and Kelly)

“Jill’s running down the hall yelling, ‘Kendall, honey, baby, do a front aerial right here honey, please. You need to stay stretched.’ And Kendall just throws in a side aerial but Jill’s running, saying, ‘K, just you know, honey…’ and I'm thinking, ‘We are psychotic. We're literally psychotic.” (54:15-54:31 | Christi)

“Abby's really happy because now everyone in Texas knows her name because of the girls’ talent and our costuming.” (1:02:52-1:03:01 | Christi)

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“It’s ironic that Abby chooses bullying given her method of teaching,” Christi says about the theme of this episode’s dance. Abby has it out for almost everyone this week. She’s upset that Chloe is at the top of the pyramid instead of Maddie, and is determined to throw Chloe off of her game before the next competition. She’s mad at Paige for her error in last week’s number, so removes Paige from her place in the “sacred trio” and humiliates her for hours at the studio. And there’s her usual bag of tricks: hurling nasty insults, taking out on the girls her issues with their mothers because she is too cowardly to confront the moms directly, and punishing everyone for doing exactly what she asked them to do. Only this week her voice is somehow extra creepy. 

Joining the dance is Peyton, whose mom Leslie demonstrates why she earned her place as one of the biggest bullies in Dance Moms history. She grills Christi and Kelly at lunch about why they choose to keep bringing their kids to Abby’s studio if she treats them so badly. Holly, as the principal of a prestigious school, has a zero tolerance policy for bullying. She also isn’t comfortable with the stereotype being perpetuated by having Nia perform the role of the bully in the dance, and so removes her.

Kelly and Christi admit to taking low blows at Abby’s body, but they say that given the things Abby has said to their kids over the years (which the audience hasn’t heard a fraction of) they are justified. 

Quotes

“I want to point out that when Peyton comes in, our kids are the nicest damn children. They run to her. They jump on her. They hug her. They're so excited. Our kids are never jerks to anybody who comes into the studio, ever.” (22:24-22:38 | Christi)

“One thing I can say, Chloe's 21, she has been through 150 years of school. She's had 7000 teachers. I have never heard a teacher say anything except that she's the nicest kid. And here's this asshole.” (29:46-39:55 | Christi and Kelly)

“I love how Leslie always brings up that she's been there for four years. Like she deserves to be there because she's been there for four years. I'm thinking of myself. Four years?! I've been here for like 36!” (33:18-33:31 | Kelly)

“I could have cared less about them having a trio and Paige not being in it. It was the fact that she was rubbing it in her face. Yes, Abby was rubbing it in her face and torturing the child.” (35:28-35:39 | Kelly)

“I just wonder, since she and Abby are so close, I wonder how Abby would feel to know that Leslie's trying to get rid of some of her paying customers.” (40:31-40:39 | Christi)

“We've been to so many places because every weekend we went somewhere different on the show. And my kids don't even know half the places we went. Because you know what? You never saw anything. You got there. You went to the competition and you left like so. We saw some mediocre hotel rooms, is what we saw. Two stars.” (43:18-43:37 | Kelly and Christi) 

“Abby always made it that she was the star and the rest of us were just minions. And I think, these kids have a name, too.’ And she says, ‘No, Christi. When they're on stage, people think, ‘Those are Abby Lee's kids.’” (56:20-56:40 | Christi) 

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“The whole thing made me sick,” says Christi of a key moment in this episode of Dance Moms. For Kelly, it’s the moment where her relationship to Abby began to change. The two discuss how, more than a decade later, they feel physically ill watching it, and still need to reassure themselves that their now grown children are OK. 

Which isn’t to say there isn’t plenty to laugh about, as always. Jill’s latest attempt to suck up to Abby only proves that she and Kendall don’t know Abby at all. Jill repeatedly frustrates everyone so much that Christi’s voice squeaks, Holly lets out a rare eye roll, while Kelly says nothing but gets blamed for it all. 

Christi and Kelly give themselves long overdue credit for their makeup skills and discuss their failed personal beauty attempts over the years. 

Quotes

“Guns! Guns!! Because that’s what every nine to eleven year old should be playing with on the stage.” (10:50-10:58 | Christi and Kelly)

“I want to know what is up with Jill constantly harping on Holly not being there. I don't remember that in real life. I don't remember that being a point that was brought up over and over at all. And I kind of wish that I had remembered it, because I definitely would have jumped on that argument.” (26:29-26:47 | Christi)

“Abby is doing the exact same thing to Paige, with her being on top of the pyramid, that she did with Chloe the week she was at the top of the pyramid. She's going to torture them until they can't stand it because she's pissed that they're at the top.” (40:24-40:38 | Christi)

“Someone asked when did my relationship with Abby start changing? This is what it is: my kids look at me saying, ‘Help me.’ There's nothing worse than your child to look at you with that look, and you not being able to do anything about it. I just can't even explain the feeling that you have when that happens. (42:21-42:42 | Kelly)

“For all the moms listening: What would you do in that situation? I either let my daughter be in there looking up at me like, ‘Mom, please come and save me’ and my daughter in tears. Or I go down and they get her out, but then she's afraid to go in because I got her in trouble.” (46:44-47:03 | Kelly)

“Chloe's home today. She came home for the weekend and she was sleeping on my couch when I was watching this. And the entire time I was watching I was so upset for Chloe, I kept going over to her on the couch just touching her foot while she was sleeping and thinking, ‘Okay, you're okay. It still makes you feel like an actual physical reaction all these years later.” (49:27-49:55 | Christi)

I'm gonna start using all these tips and tricks that I learned back in the day on myself when I go to the beach. I'm painting my abs on, and I'll be good. I just can't go in the water because it will wash all off. But I mean, why don't we apply our skills to ourselves?” (1:08:45-1:09:01 | Christi and Kelly)

“What's rude about that though, is every week we let those little bitches look great on national television. We did their hair and makeup. They didn’t trust us, but they always looked fabulous. We did it.” (1:10:15-1:10:25 | Christi and Kelly)

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“All of those things that we said, it was really nothing. It was just us being us,” says Christi of the exchange between herself and Kelly that would become a viral sensation on TikTok more than a decade later. Christi’s daughter Clara would repeat the meme to Christi in the car, not realizing she was quoting her own mother. 

In this episode of Dance Moms, the competition takes place in Miami. Paige has surgery for her plantar warts and doesn’t know if she will recover in time enough to compete. So naturally, Abby chooses this week to give Paige a special part in the dance whereas normally Paige is left out, and Abby makes her rehearse it on sore feet instead of just letting her observe. Normally, Abby just harasses the girls verbally and psychologically to keep them off of the top of the pyramid.

In another change from the norm, Abby takes a break from screaming at Kelly and Christi and screams at Holly, who, normally quiet and reserved, screams right back. In fact, according to Christi that fight was much longer and much uglier than what was shown on TV, even causing the girls to hide and cry in the bathroom. Meanwhile, in Ohio, Cathy gently and constructively corrects Kendall’s technique in a way Abby never has.

Everyone spends the day at the beach before the competition and Abby is the only one who wasn’t forced to wear a bathing suit on camera. She is, however, much more orange than anyone else. Nia has a dramatic moment on stage. 

Quotes

• “They show Chloe and Nia doing ‘The Swim’ and they're laughing and having fun and I think, ‘More of this! More of this!’ It’s cute!” (19:56-20:05 | Christi)
• “Why did two kids have three dances and other kids didn't have one? It's not fair to the kids who don't have the dance, but then it's also too hard on the kids that do. There is a balance: give each kid two dances a week. And then they're not out. They don't forget, and then people don't feel bad. And guess what? Everyone watching the show has different favorites that they want to see.” (21:37: 22:07 | Christi)
• “Abby tells us she wants to take the girls back to the era of innocence. I mean, I think after having them be naked show girls, innocence is great.” (27:04-27:12 | Christi) 
• “Abby and Holly are down there screaming and they cut to us upstairs. I'm texting with one hand on my phone, drinking my coffee, (air quotes) with the other hand, you're kind of staring off into space, Melissa's glazed over. We're not even fazed at that point that they're screaming. They're screaming at the top of their lungs and we're just sitting there thinking, ‘Thank God it's not me.’” (34:38-35:02 | Christi)
• “Then we have one of the most iconic scenes ever to come out of Dance Moms. You and I are sitting upstairs and I say, ‘And then there were two. Nobody likes us. The two bitches are left.’ That's so funny. I mean, who would have thought something as stupid as that would get so popular?” (38:34- 39:03 | Christi and Kelly) 
• “You can't replace us and we can't leave, either. So we're all screwed.” (41:44-41:51 | Kelly)
• “Holly looks like she wants to shoot herself. I know. I've been in that position. You know you have to go back. And producers make you be the idiot– not Abby calling and asking me to come back. It has to be us begging please. Take her. Please, please.” (49:14-49:32 | Kelly)
• “Abby clearly got a spray tan for Miami because she's aggressively orange. She's so aggressively orange.” (59:45-59:54 | Christi)

Follow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

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“We should be in prison for ever being part of this episode,” says Christi of the “lost” episode of Dance Moms titled, shockingly, ‘Topless Dancers,’ in which Abby has the girls perform in costumes that give the illusion of nudity. Needless to say, the Moms were shocked and fought hard with the producers not to film this. Even by Abby’s standards, which have seen the girls perform themes of teen suicide, guns, and childbirth, this was too much. Audiences clearly agreed, and the show only aired only once. A fan sent a link to Christi and Kelly and here they react to it in real time. 

If Chloe wasn’t humiliated enough by her dance costume, she is also participating in a commercial for Cathy’s husband’s beef jerky startup. This involves her being covered in sausages, a takeoff of the infamous meatsuit that Lady Gaga wore around the time of filming. 

Things are so absurd that even Holly speaks up, and though it will be lost forever to time, she is even seen wearing a sexy sheer top in place of her usual conservative attire. 

Quotes

“We fought pretty hard against this. And I again, I can't say much, but let's just say it was strongly advised that we keep our mouths shut.” (5:08-5:15 | Christi)

“I can't with Abby's necklace. I can't. It's like a barbed wire fence. It looks like what they put at the top of a prison fence.” (17:08-17:15 | Christi and Kelly)

“I do look like an Oscar trophy, With my my yellow hair and my gold shirt. Yeah, I'm an Oscar.  And the Academy Award goes to us for pretending like Melissa's not getting married.” (30:42-30:57 Kelly and Christi)

“I remember the girls standing in the hallway, and they did not want to walk in that room. They were so mortified and upset standing there.” (52:27-52:42 | Christi and Kelly)

“The funniest thing is this was aired one time. One time. You can't even find this episode. Do you know how often I'm asked about the beef jerky thing? I'm asked everywhere I go.” (1:06:28-1:06:41 | Christi)

“No wonder people watch this because nobody can believe that we actually did this stuff, that this was real. No one could believe their eyes.” (1:07:05-1:07:13 | Christi and Kelly) 

Links

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“You can tell that things are starting to take a dark turn,” says Christi of this episode of Dance Moms. Abby is starting to take her already toxic tactics to a new extreme. To punish Chloe for winning the Joffrey ballet scholarship and for getting a solo this week, Abby makes her stand at the front of the studio while the other girls critique her. She triangulates Chloe, Brooke and Maddie against each other, telling each one that they are the team’s true leader while also implying they are each its weakest link. She threatens to have Christi arrested and thrown off the show. 

Of course, Abby can’t take criticism herself. Kelly tells her that her choreography is getting stale, voicing a complaint held by many on the team. Chloe and Brooke had each complained that all of their dances were the same moves in varying order. Additionally, this made them even more difficult to learn in the few hours that the girls (other than Maddie) were given to learn them. 

Rather than receive this input like an adult, Abby corrects Kelly’s grammar, screaming inches from her face, “Christi and I!!” This phrase was quickly added to the Dance Moms fandom lexicon and is still a frequent inside joke between Christi and Kelly. Showing the team who their true leader is, Abby abandons them at the competition in Upland, CA and heads to Florida.                                     

Quotes

• “I think all of our light and bright fun might be coming to an end.” (10:51-10:54 | Christi) 
• “Holly said it best: Abby is an abomination of evil.” (18:35-18:42 | Christi)
• “Chloe and Abby are wearing matching outfits. They're both wearing blue with rhinestone crap. Chloe actually has blue rhinestone earrings on so we need to drink because I'm ashamed.” (58:41-58:52 | Christi)
• “So Abby tells me that I'm always unhappy. And I just say, ‘Abby, your choreography sucks.’” (1:35:56-1:36:02 | Kelly)
• “I remember looking over and seeing Abby in your face. I can vividly remember my perspective. So it was really weird for me to see it on camera from a different angle because I'm standing on the other side of you. It’s burned in my memory how close she was to your face.” (1:37:38-1:38:01 | Christi)

Links

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“I hear and validate your frustrations,” says former Dance Moms producer James Mahan. He joins today’s episode to discuss some of the funniest behind-the-scenes moments with Christi and Kelly, and confirm some of their long-standing issues. The off-screen banter between Christi and James during the show’s filming resulted in some of Christi’s funniest on-screen moments. The majority of James’ time was spent fighting with Abby. He had to convince her to stop ripping off famous dance routines, not make obscure dance references that the audience wouldn’t understand, and to let someone other than Maddie be on top of the pyramid every week. 

On this episode of Dance Moms, the girls are in New York to audition for the prestigious Joffrey Ballet School. Abby tries to teach them two years’ worth of ballet in an hour. Maddie gets upset when she realizes that she forgot her ballet shoes at the hotel. The cruelty many of the show’s producers showed to the girls when they were at their most upset was what made James leave reality TV. But the cast loved him because he acted like a real human, unlike many of the show’s other producers. 

Hear James tell the story that he calls “the nail in the coffin,” and the one where he got hit by a car in slow motion while walking back to his hotel after a Madonna concert. 

Quotes:

• “I would conduct interviews after we'd filmed the week. My interviews were with Christi and Kelly, sometimes Dr. Holly and Abby. Brooke, Paige and I were pretty close. So I was able to work with them and have it sound natural. Because there's an art to the interview and you have to remind people of what happened to get them to talk about the events to make it sound natural.” (17:25-18:04 | James)
• “We are not the cutest. We’re just disgusted. Always. All the time. Just in a state of absolute disgust.” (28:55-29:05 | Kelly and Christi) 
• “The knock-off choreography from Chicago was a little foreshadowing of Abby's little stint in prison. Or we can say it's foreshadowing of Kelly getting arrested in the Bronx.” (32:28-32:49 | Christi, Kelly, James) 
• “Paige says it's weird being in jail because she’s never been there before. Well, thank goodness, Paige. You’re 11.” (33:16-33:26 | Kelly) 
• “We were visiting in LA and we were in the editing booth. And I remember seeing somebody reach up and pull a piece of paper off the wall that basically had our names and what our characters were because they didn't want me to see it. It wouldn't be that hard to figure out. Christy: jealous. Kelly: party mom.” (39:17-39:38 | Christi)
• “I mean, a gay club loves a Dance Mom. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, it's been proven.” (50:22-50:28 | Christi and James)
• “I block out a lot of things, James. I don't remember a lot of stuff. There's something to be said for selective memory.” (53:59-54:06 | Kelly and James)
• “When I'm on my home computer our audience says Christi looks like I'm a news anchor and Kelly looks like she's a remote correspondent in Afghanistan. I don't care if you don't like it. Don't watch me. Because it was a war zone in the ALDC. It was a war zone. That's why I have this background.” (1:02:56-1:03:20 | Kelly and Christi) 

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Best friends Kelly and Christi are back! Today they are reviewing Episode 6 of their hit show Dance Moms called “Dying to Dance” (a title which they both agree is messed up.) It refers to the dance “Where Have All the Children Gone,” (which Christi nicknamed The Seven Dwarves of Suicide”) that the girls are performing this week, one of the most beloved by the company and viewers alike. Christi continues to point out more instances of “frankenbits,” where different moments of recording are spliced together to put words in people’s mouths, creating a false narrative for the audience. When they arrive at the competition, Brooke doesn’t have a costume. Cathy offers Brooke Vivianne’s but then takes it away only minutes before Brooke is scheduled to perform.

Meanwhile, it’s Kelly’s 40th birthday, and at Cathy’s passive aggressive urging, the ladies all go to get Botox. The women later gather at Kelly’s house for a birthday celebration and though they never showed the fortune teller who came to the party, they did show Melissa telling the world that Kelly has never had an orgasm. Later, Abby’s dog Broadway Baby makes a cameo, and Christi and Kelly reveal that she used to feed the dog her own Nutrisystem meals and then tell everyone she lost three pounds. Christi gets bad news about her grandmother and she takes Chloe back to her childhood home.

Join the party to hear about Kelly’s long lost golfing days, what she would like to ask Cathy now, and what “greeking” is.

Quotes

“Remember Abby said that she’s adding a little edge, because abduction is not edgy enough she had to add a suicide to it.” (22:02-22:06 | Christi)

“Producers probably told Cathy to say something about my nose because they know I was really insecure about camera angles.” (43:04-43:11 | Christi)

“Just so you guys know who ask, ‘How can Kelly who is such good friends with Christi not know about her sisters?’ I do not have a relationship with either of my sisters, so I don’t talk about them.” (45:02-45:10 | Christi)

“That was the first time I said Spanx on TV, and honestly Spanx should have sponsored us for the amount of time we talked about them.” (45:39-45:45 | Christi)

“You can tell when the days are long and who’s at the end of the interviews by how crazy we look.” (48:15-48:20 | Christi)

“We always filmed at my house. And it was like, I have three kids, and filming all day, and you tell me when I’m leaving at 10:30 at night that you’re coming to my house at 8 in the morning. My son and my husband have been using it like a bachelor pad, so it’s a disaster. Ugh, I used to hate it. ” (49:16-49:35 | Kelly)

“I’m not the most love-y, touchy, feely kind of person and they have me come over and hug you and try to console you and I’m thinking, ‘Oh, you’ve got the wrong girl for this.” (56:49-57:00 “ | Kelly)

“Brooke probably knew…Usually the kids knew when something like us hugging and consoling was going on, sometimes it was bullshit. It wasn’t something major going on. At this point, your grandmother really was sick, but usually it wasn’t. So, the kids could have cared less what we were over there talking about, because they figured oh, it’s nothing.” (59:04-59:25 | Kelly)

“When Chloe started dancing you can hear Paige in the background go, ‘Come on, Clover!’ If you watch any episode, Paige is always in the wings cheering her friends on. And then when they come on and off, she’s always hugging them. She’s the ultimate hype girl.” (1:04:15-1:04:35 | Kelly and Christi

“When they leave Brooke is carrying Kenzie in the background, it’s cute. She says, “Come on, Kenz!’ and picks her up and carries her. You have to pay attention to the back, there’s a lot of cute stuff.” (1:19:13-1:19:23 | Christi)

“I actually loved Candy Apple weeks because I knew Abby was going to leave me alone.” (1:23:56-1:24:01 | Christi)

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“Didn’t you just want to smack Abby?” says Kelly while reviewing this special episode of Dance Moms– the top-20 countdown of “Abby’s Most OMG Moments." Christi is happy to report that this was the second-lowest rated episode of Season 2, despite Abby’s insistence that fans only tuned into the show to watch her. Watching this countdown made the cast aware of several things they had never realized about the show. Kelly realizes how funny Holly really is and that Leslie only complained shout Peyton’s outfit to get more screen time.

Christi and Kelly get to the root of Abby’s insults– she always ridicules the thing she is jealous of– Holly’s education, Cathy’s business savvy and her much younger husband, and all of their children. Recently, Christi saw a picture of Abby’s mother as a young woman and noted that Mrs. Miller looked a lot like Paige and Brooke–the two main targets of Abby’s wrath. 

Abby’s jealousy doesn’t end there–or anywhere it seems. She also hated that producers loved Kelly’s mother’s cooking so much they asked her to cater for the show. She was jealous of the professional management teams the girls began to hire as they became famous, and she threw a 30 minute tantrum when producers failed to offer her a donut.

Quotes

• “So that just goes to show maybe people weren't tuning in for Abby. Maybe they liked our girls. Who knows?” (11:03-11:10 | Christi)
• “Holly’s funny. I don’t remember her being so funny. I don’t remember Holly being so funny. When we filmed she very rarely spoke.” (24:23-24:34 | Kelly) SM Quote
• “Anytime there was a dumb errand, Abby would send us. Meanwhile, joke's on you. I can't wait to get the hell out there. Yeah, amen.” (27:06-27:13 | Christi)
• “Somebody posted a picture of Mrs. Miller when she was young. She surprisingly looked like Chloe and Paige– tall, thin, beautiful. She was very pretty. They said, maybe that's why Abby hated those two. (33:29-33:47 | Christi) 
• “My mother was just the sweetest, kindest woman. There was not a person in the world that didn't like my mother. Abby only stopped liking her when she started catering the show. She sure as hell didn’t mind eating her cookies for the last 30 years.” (54:24-54:47 | Kelly and Christi)
• “Oh, didn’t you want to just smack Abby? I should have smacked her right then, I could have gotten out of two seasons of filming.” (57:12-57:20 | Kelly)

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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“Every woman in America has this on her refrigerator,” says Christi of yet another line that Kelly uttered in pure frustration that would go on to become one of the most quoted lines in Dance Moms history. Kelly and the other Moms have been spending extra time making costumes that they pay Abby to provide while Abby sits eating in the McDonald’s parking lot. When Kelly fails to get rubber stoppers for the chair Paige was using in her dance number (which Kelly explains was a setup by production) Abby throws the chair at Paige in frustration. Kelly barges into the studio and screams at Abby “Stop eating! That’s why you’re fat!” and storms out, taking Brooke and Paige with her.

Now that they’re filming the show, Abby doesn’t need Melissa’s money and Melissa doesn’t have time to work at the studio’s front desk. So, while Maddie is technically on the bottom of the pyramid this week because she forgot her steps at the last competition, she is also there–as Christi points out–because Melissa hasn’t been sucking up as much to Abby lately.

Given their long history, Kelly knew instantly what Abby was up to, though no one believed her at the time. She talks about how flustered she felt being made to look like she had failed her daughter because she couldn’t reveal production’s mistake on camera. She also points out the hypocrisy of the fans’ negative reaction to her calling Abby fat while Abby calls her idiot and stupid multiple times per episode, often screaming inches from their face.

Quotes

• “Your experience was giving me heart palpitations. You know how they say that if you have a twin that you can feel their ghost pain? I was that way with all the Moms.” (41:09-41:23 | Christi)
• “I crack up every time I see those shots of the cameraman running after us. I know they hate life.” (46:26-46:31 | Christi)
• “Here's my favorite: Abby says, ‘You were a mean girl when you were 12 and you're still a mean girl.’ She just threw a chair at a child.” (48:17-48:27 | Christi)
• “People get mad at me because I called Abby fat. Once. She calls me stupid and dingbat three times an episode.” (1:23:39-1:23:46 | Kelly)

Links

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“This is all bad acting,” says Christi about the episode of Dance Moms titled “I Know What You Did Last Competition.” Like a pair of detectives, she and Kelly spend this episode of Back to the Barre pointing out all the behaviors that gave Melissa and Abby away as cheaters and (bad) liars. Abby and Melissa had conspired before the previous competition to scratch the cd containing Maddie’s choreography music, knowing that judges would automatically declare Maddie the winner just for completing the dance uninterrupted. In this latest Dance Moms episode, Abby wields her trademark hypocrisy, Melissa uses clever wording and the two stage an over-the-top fake fight to try to cover it up. Nobody’s buying it, though, especially with all they’ve learned in the last 11 years.

The inherent problem with Dance Moms–and one of the many reasons they both agree children shouldn’t participate in reality TV— is that the Moms are paid to fight, but Abby would take those fights out on their daughters. So Chloe, Paige and Brooke were constantly punished because Kelly and Christi carried the show. Abby knew this and took full advantage of it. Every week, the Hylands  were set up–by Abby and the producers— to look stupid. This week, Abby used the costumes to humiliate them, putting the girls in the wrong sizes and not letting Paige wear the green dress so she could stand out. 

These days Abby hocks counterfeit versions of Paige’s costumes and props online. The real ones remain packed away in Kelly’s house. Christi shares her favorite-ever Lifetime movie and the random words that make her sick. 

Quotes

• “There are a lot of little clues–if you know Abby and Melissa–throughout this episode that I really caught on to…Normally in a situation like this Abby would have thrown it in the girls’ faces, but here she wants to move on. She just dismissed it because…she would have looked guilty.” (20:51-21:23 | Kelly and Christi)
• “Abby tells the audience that she’s going to take the contract that I signed and make me read it, because she doesn’t think I read. I don’t read. And let me tell you, if I was going to read something it sure as hell wouldn’t be her contract.” (32:36-32:48 | Kelly)
• “This fight reads so insincere and fake from Melissa. Go back and watch it. It’s so not real.” (41:57-42:09 | Christi)

Links

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“These girls were being micro-analyzed,” says Christi about the pressure the girls continued to face as dancers and reality show stars. They’re competing at Starpower this week, the largest competition in the United States, Abby keeps reminding everyone. It’s so big, in fact, it’s split into two venues, and Abby sees an opportunity to sign Maddie up for two solos. Once again, she and Melissa form a secret plan to get Maddie ahead, use bad acting to cover it up, and everyone else has to keep their mouths shut and pretend their daughters have a chance to win. Brooke has taken the weekend off to attend her first school dance, which Kelly had to fight with producers to allow. She always made sure her girls didn’t miss out on big events for the sake of dance–or Dance Moms. Still, she and Christi feel guilty to this day for what they put their daughters through–as well as the rest of their kids–for the sake of both.

Kelly can’t share the moment with Brooke because producers need her at the dance studio to fight with Leslie. Payton returns to fill in for Brooke. And considering she had a costume custom-made for the competition, it is obvious that was a move planned by producers well in advance. Previously, Payton had pushed Paige flat on her back and producers saw it as an opportunity for Kelly to confront Leslie and start a fight with the whole group about bullying. 

Christi and Kelly discuss just how much these young dancers had riding on their shoulders, just from Abby alone. They suspect that immediately after every competition, producers showed Abby footage of each dance so she could analyze everyone’s mistakes. This is why Abby always arrived in the dressing room after everyone else with specific critiques that would have been impossible to see from the audience. 

Quotes

• “Isn’t it crazy to think that the baby from Dance Moms is now as old as the oldest from Dance Moms?” (35:35-35:42 | Christi)
• “We all know a lot of old routines. Why didn’t all the kids go over there and do them? We could have all done our real solos. Why couldn’t we do ‘Ma, He’s Making Eyes at Me,’ because that dance beat “Cry” a bunch of times in real life. Or Paige and Brooke could have done their solos that they didn’t get to do two weeks before.” (1:02:13-1:02:36 | Christi and Kelly) 

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“This one’s interesting because Abby is nice,” says Christi of this special episode of Dance Moms, where Abby counts down her top ten favorite dances from the show so far. Unsurprisingly, Kelly and Christi can’t understand her choices. What is most surprising, though–shocking really–is the praise Abby heaps onto Chloe and Brooke during the episode. If she had spoken even a tenth of those words to them while they were still her students, Kelly insists, Brooke wouldn’t have ended up hating dance and may have ended up performing in Cirque du Soleil after all. Instead, she says, Abby always compared people, especially to their closest family members, something Kelly can’t understand and Christi knows still bothers many of those people to this day.

Among the dances in the countdown is the “Pinup Girls” trio performed by Choe, Paige and Maddie that, Christi points out,  is where it all began. In fact, the show was supposed to begin from a whole other angle, but the fighting and drama that stemmed from Chloe’s headband falling over her eyes was so good, producers knew they had to open with it. That, and Kelly reminds them, it featured the famous scene of the two of them sneaking off to the bar while Abby was attempting to organize things from the dressing room. Christi says the only thing that was remarkable about Chloe’s headband falling was that she still did a series of aerials while blinded. 

Discover which dances the Moms are sure would get them canceled today, which of Abby’s many annoying habits is one of Christi’s biggest pet peeves, and why Christi made Melissa sign a contract before she would work on Maddie’s costume. 

Quotes

• “Abby had great things to say. They must have offered her a bonus for what she was saying, because I'm telling you, it had to kill her. They said, ‘Every compliment you give, you get a $5,000 bonus. And she said, ‘Christie is my favorite and Kelly's smart.’”  (10:17-10:39 | Christi) 
• “Cathy, aka the hick from Ohio. Again, if I were from Ohio, I'd be so pissed. The whole show. Meanwhile, Ohio’s 30 centimeters over the Pittsburgh border, so if Cathy’s a hick, so are we.” (43:44-44:04 | Christi)

Links

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“It’s like Cinderella:” says Christi of the latest episode of Dance Moms, “You can go to the ball if you get your work done, but I’m going to give you a lot more work.” The girls are headed to Akron, Ohio to compete against the Candy Apples including Kendall, who has recently joined after leaving Abby’s studio. Abby gives Paige a solo so that she can try for a title and thinks Paige should be thrilled, but Paige knows–like everyone else–that a solo means a week of torture. Especially since Abby does everything she can to make sure Paige can’t rehearse, including holding a random gymnastics class. Kelly notices that Abby was starting to make the Moms confront her in pairs of two so that she can use the camera time to say something nasty about both Moms’ children to the audience. 

Kelly decides to choreograph Paige’s dance herself with the little knowledge she has left over from her own years dancing with Abby. They have to practice in the dreaded Studio C because if they get caught in Studio A, Abby will get mad and not let Paige compete at all. Watching Paige perform her routine on stage, Christi says she never wanted someone to win so badly in her life, as she wanted Paige to win at that moment. Kelly thinks Paige should have won for going up against Abby and for all the times she was set up to fail for the sake of drama. 

Viewers figure out that Abby listens to the Back to the Barre podcast and has signed up to their Patreon just to keep insisting that she never threw a chair at Paige. Between Jill’s apple ring, Abby’s necklace that looks like bubble gum from a vending machine and her cheap orange rhinestones–that match Christi’s!--this episode gives the Moms plenty of reasons to drink.

Quotes

• “It’s like Cinderella: You can go to the ball if you get all your work done, but I’m going to give you a lot more work.” (51:31-51:37 | Christi) 
• “Here we are, now Chloe got practice all week, and now she's getting all these corrections in the pep talk. And Paige got, ‘Look at the judges.’ No practice all week and the only thing she's told is ‘Look at the judges.’ And Chloe's not going for a title. It’s just… it's bullshit. It's bullshit.” (1:12:38-1:13:01 | Kelly)

Links

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“I guess everyone is just happy for me to be born!” says Kelly. In this episode, the Moms gather at her house to celebrate her 41st birthday, the only one the show seems to celebrate, she points out. Leslie shows up late and continues to be entitled and to insult everyone before throwing her mic pac across the room and leaving. Christi continues to be annoyed by Leslie but can’t tell if she’s rolling her eyes in annoyance or from all the wine served in Kelly’s Lolita glasses. Christi says it was hard–particularly for their kids, who felt like they had to defend their mothers–to be called drunks on TV when it was so far from reality. Still, her favorite picture is of herself and Kelly standing next to a sign that says, “No Alcohol Beyond This Point,” which college kids across the country have blown up into banners and hung in their dorm rooms. 

Kelly rolls her eyes in this episode, too, but not at Payton dancing on stage during the Starbound competition in Atlanta like the show made it seem. Early on in the series, the Moms used to try to control their facial expressions so they couldn’t be taken out of context, but they gave up trying because the producers misrepresented them anyway.

Chloe returns from her school camping trip with a whole new confidence. Abby keeps calling her park ranger and Yogi Bear, despite the reference clearly going over Chloe’s head. She makes a dig at the Girl Scouts even though she was a Girl Scout herself and recently put her uniform up for auction. 

Quotes

• “Leslie was like a woodpecker just pecking at your brain the whole time she would set up there. And I think that we knew when to give each other a minute, the main cast. Sometimes like even when you're fighting, somebody just needs a minute. Like, let it breathe for a minute. She's just relentless. It's like a teenage boy when he first kisses you. And you think, ‘Whoa, whoa, buddy.’ Not so intense. Give me some breathing room.’” (46:34-47:11 | Christi)
• “I don't know if I rolled my eyes at Leslie or my eyes were just rolling around from all the drinking. One of my eyes was over here and the other one was this way, it was terrible. It was embarrassing to watch.” (1:21:23-1:23:25 | Christi)

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“I can’t believe this is real life,” says Christi on this latest episode of Back to the Barre, “We’re standing there arguing on national television over a bow.” Jill and Kendall are back, having left Candy Apples, and Jill is being accused of stealing a two-dollar hair bow at the Starpower competition in Lancaster, PA. Before that though, at the beginning of the episode, she is accused of stealing Kelly’s hairstyle. Meanwhile, Abby criticizes Nia’s hairstyle, telling her to fix it, and Holly fires back at Abby to fix everything about herself. Seeing famously stoic and diplomatic Dr. Holly act more like Kelly and Christi has all the girls in hysterics.

The casting director of Drop Dead Diva calls to say–to no one’s surprise–that Maddie has been chosen for the role that all the girls auditioned for the week prior, even though the part was promised to Paige.

A young man named Nick joins the girls this week to perform the part of the vampire in a Twilight-themed group dance and Abby openly directs him to bite the girls and vice versa. She has also given nicknames to both Brooke and Mackenzie’s bellies, which is why Brooke always wears a shirt over her leotard. Still the most shocking part of the episode is that Abby is wearing white in one of her interviews. 

Quotes

• “I would pay all of the money in the world to see Abby do an arabesque. And not because of any weight thing. I'm just saying, she can't do it.” (30:07-30:16 | Christi) 
• “That's why Brooke always wears a shirt. Abby had names for both Brooke and Mackenzie’s bellies, which is a horrible thing. ‘Take your belly out of here,’ she tells Mackenzie. But then people get mad at me when I say to Abby, ‘Oh, stop eating. That's why you’re fat.’ But she says that to my daughter and other girls in the studio every day.” (42:54-43:21 | Kelly)
• “And I love Holly in this moment. I want more of this Holly. Show up, please. She said, ‘I'm entitled to my opinion because I'm 42 years old and a free American citizen. I get to say what I believe, what I want, andI stand on my credentials and my knowledge, something you can never take away.’ Do you see what happens right then? Well, Abby cannot go toe-to-toe with Holly. So she goes after Nia.” (47:03-47:28 | Christi) 

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“I held it in this whole episode but then I went balls to the wall,” says Christi of the explosive fight that ends the latest episode of Dance Moms. This week’s competition takes place in Philadelphia, where the girls dance a ballet routine despite not having had a ballet class in three years. Chloe remembers this as the hardest dance she’s ever had to do. Christi remembers that they had a really nice steak dinner at Palm. Brooke has an acro solo called “The Diary of Anne Frank,” and Kelly says she’s pretty sure Anne Frank wasn’t doing cartwheels. 

Since Paige has broken her foot, Abby puts Kendall into the group dance even though she is not part of the team. The other Moms are mad because their girls have given up so much of their time and energy not just to dance but to the show. The Moms joke that everywhere Jill goes one of the dancers mysteriously breaks a foot, first Taylor and now Paige. Meanwhile, Brooke’s back has gotten so sore it hurts for her to breathe, and Kelly finally pulls Brooke’s solo. Ever the opportunist, Jill asks if Kendall can take Brooke’s place. 

Christi shares the story behind Abby calling Chloe a sneak and her a whore who sells t-shirts in a bar. The truth is, as usual, much different from Abby’s twisted narrative and production’s deceptive editing. 

Quotes

• “They showed Jill and Kendall trying to make it over the greatest crater I've ever seen. I mean, at this point, it's like a shelf in the ocean. If the parking lot were full of water, you would drown in that bitch.” (26:12-26:27 | Christi)
• “That's the third time Abby has said Brooke broke her toe, not her foot. Like she’s trying to downplay it. I mean, every time I say something to somebody, am I supposed to say ‘Oh, it was her third metatarsal or whatever?’ It's her freaking foot.” (31:42-31:58 | Kelly)
• “Abby says that she sees a lot of mistakes and their ballet steps are definitely not up to par. Because we haven’t had ballet class in three years and only a five minute rehearsal. Yeah. ‘Well, we touched the ballet barre this week. We're magically all Anna Pavlova now.’” (1:01:43-1:01:58 | Kelly and Christi) 

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In this episode of Dance Moms, the girls are headed to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina to compete and they are joined by the Candy Apples. This is the episode where Jill and Cathy truly start to despise each other. It’s a hatred that lasts to this day, though no one can say just why. During rehearsal, Christi and Melissa get into a fight and Melissa pulls Maddie’s solo. She decides she doesn’t have to show up for filming even though Kelly shows up when her girls are out with injuries. It’s part of the contract to be on the show. 

Still, once they arrived in Myrtle Beach, Melissa and Christi were taking pictures together on jet skis and going out to dinner. The Moms had no choice but to fight with each other, and they had no choice but to get along. Kelly misses going to the competitions and watching the girls dance, although during filming those were the longest and most grueling days. Others aren’t so fond of their time with the ALDC. Chloe, Paige and Brooke were too traumatized to continue to dance, and many of Abby’s former students message Christi and Kelly to share their horror stories. 

Quotes

• “I was watching it yesterday, and I actually missed it. I don't know if it’s because I was sick or what, but I was just sitting there watching us on our way to a competition, thinking, ‘Oh, I miss watching them dance.’ It was our life. Since our kids were two. There was probably not a day that went by that we didn't sit and watch them dance. It's crazy.” (10:40-10:59 | Kelly) 
• “All the former students that weren't on the show will DM me and say things about Abby. And they have stories that are 15 times worse. I saw one girl…who said, ‘I was in my kitchen cooking, and  ‘Dance Moms’ came on in the background. I heard Abby’s voice and I dropped my plate on the floor. It just shattered everywhere. Just hearing her voice’… And she was there a long time ago. She was a senior when our kids were babies.” (16:00-16:44 | Kelly and Christi) 
• “I don't know if fans know that. The Candy Apples and the Abby Lee Dance Company kids were friends...It was lunchtime, and we’d say, ‘Look, Kelly's hungry. My brain hurts. We're not on camera, so we don't have to fight.’” (1:09:40-1:10:21 (Kelly and Christi)

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“This show is just about you and me being assholes,” says Kelly about the latest episode of ‘Dance Moms,’ where the girls prepare for and perform in Abby’s annual recital, which Kelly and Christi both admit is incredible. Less incredible is the girls’ ability to dance hip-hop, and since Paige’s foot is still broken she has to figure out how to dance from the waist up. Abby brings Payton in to join the “Light My Fire” group number, which means Leslie is back and lashing out at everyone. She tells Kelly she needs to be in both therapy and AA. Knowing she is being set up by producers to look like a fool yet again, Kelly storms out and Christi curses at producers in her defense. 

She is also put in charge of gathering together the ALDC alumnae class of 1985, even though most of Abby’s former students want nothing to do with her. She also has to throw a party in which Cathy crashes and tries to steal one of Abby’s potential new students. The more fun task was playing guest bartender with Christi at a local club and seeing Jill get wild with patrons. Holly, of course, refused to step behind the bar. 

Since this was the first recital since the show had aired, the audience was suddenly packed with adoring fans. Christi describes the feeling of hearing everyone go wild for the girls when they took the stage for their first number. She also explains why for years, she found countless pairs of underwear under the seats of her car. 

Quotes

• “At this point ‘Dance Moms’ had been airing. So if any of Abby’s alumni wanted to be found they would have crawled out of the woodwork. Those people did not want to be found.” (25:10-25:20 | Christi)
• “At this point, I am over being made to look like an ass, based on lies. If you want to air the truth about me, whatever, I live up to what I do. But when you start lying, and have other people saying it on national television, I start to have a problem.” (1:11:26-1:11:50 | Kelly) 
• “I remember us sitting in the audience, sobbing. I think at that point, we thought, ‘How did we get here?’...That's one of my favorite memories of Dance Moms’” (1:22:46-1:23:27 | Christi)

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“This episode is infamous as far as bad behavior goes,” says Christi. It’s so full of offenses neither she nor Kelly can believe it’s still airing, especially with the way the world has changed in the ten years since it first aired. Kaya and her daughter Nicaya arrive to audition to be on the ALDC, or really, as the other Dance Moms realize but can’t break the fourth wall to say, to be on the show. Producers were always threatening to replace the Moms with new people if they didn’t cooperate, and Kaya and Nicaya were the first to come from far away to join the team/show. 

The group dance is its own source of cringe. The girls, including Paige, who is trying to learn the dance as her broken foot heals, portray children living in a mental institution. Abby waits until the last minute to include Nicaya in the dance when the girls perform it at Nationals in L.A. Nia’s solo is a tribute to Josephine Baker and Abby’s attempts to emulate it–she only ever attempted Nia’s choreography, Kelly points out–makes everyone react somewhere between a laugh and a shudder. 

Christi utters the phrase she regrets more than anything she has ever said on the show. She and Kelly explain why their husbands were the true unsung heroes of the show and the rare moment of sympathy they have for Abby in this episode. 

Quotes

• “It's amazing to me what an example of bad behavior across the board this show is and people continue to watch it…We wouldn't be doing 90% of the shit that we did.” (28:12-28:31 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Why does everybody just get to walk in and be in our dances?...You know I’m never on Abby's team, but I would be so pissed if somebody told me to put a kid in that I had never worked with right before Nationals.” (43:04-43:25 | Christi)
• “Melissa is asking Kaya about her previous relationships, and this actually made me laugh. She says, ‘What made you go from a man to a woman? And I am howling, because I know Melissa, and I know what Melissa likes about a man.” (1:10:11-1:10:29 | Christi)
• “Everybody makes Paige out to be stupid and can't ever learn or remember anything. She learned the dance in half the time as everybody else did. She punched herself in her face just as well as anybody else.” (1:08:02-1:08:16 | Christi and Kelly) 

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“It’s finally time,” says Brooke about making her long-awaited guest appearance on Back to the Barre. Throughout the episode, her references reiterate the robust second life that Dance Moms has been given on TikTok. She explains what the platform has dubbed “The Brooke Effect,” and that she learned from many of her followers that her inability to remember much from her time filming the show is actually a trauma response. As Kelly points out, Brooke was the worst age to film the show, not only because she was basically going through puberty on camera. She was old enough to teach the younger girls how to kiss on the back of the bus while traveling to competitions, but too young to join Kelly and Christi as they passed wine back and forth through the cracks in the seats. 

Producers of all kinds continue to sell the Hyland girls short, as this episode shows Brooke recording her “Summertime Love Song” in L.A., where the girls have stayed to compete at Intensity Dance ahead of Nationals. Music producers autotuned her naturally lovely voice beyond recognition, and the show forced her to work with small-time producers who buried her singing career. According to Kelly, Brooke never made a penny from the record or the merch. Abby appointed herself director of Brooke’s music video which featured all the girls, even directing Maddie to dance in heavy traffic. 

Throughout today’s episode, they discuss behind-the-scenes stories and clips that were never aired, like what the big lips on Kendall’s costume were a tribute to and what Brooke’s young male co-star said about Brooke off-camera. We also learn why Kelly sat in a dumpster all afternoon and why Christi had to explain STDs to the girls at seven in the morning. 

Quotes

• “We're always on the bottom row, huh, Brookie? We lived there. That’s where all my money went. I paid rent on the third row of the pyramid.” (23:09-23:20 | Kelly) 
• “People who grew up watching the show and are coming back have a better understanding of it now that they're adults…I mean, there is absolutely an element of crazy there ” (100:53-1:01:20 | Christi)
• “McKenzie was sucking her thumb and carrying around a blanket and I had a boyfriend who was driving around.” (1:07:59-1:08:06 | Brooke)

Links

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Thanks to Chloe for being our very special guest this episode!

Links

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“We thought we’d take you guys on a little jaunt down memory lane,” says Christi, who describes, along with Kelly, what it was like, as regular moms from Pittsburgh, to attend the 2012 Teen Choice Awards. They recall which celebrities acted like fans toward the cast and which were really rude to them. The drama that went into getting ready–including Kelly throwing a pair of shoes at Christi– reflected the gray area between their old lives and their newfound fame. While it wasn’t always as much fun as it might have seemed, the thought of that time still makes them emotional.

Later in the episode, they answer fan questions about the state of their friendship and how their time on Dance Moms has changed the way they view reality TV. The real drama, they explain, took place behind the scenes among the crew, including a strange image that one of the cast members found on one of the crew member’s laptop. Fame still feels strange though people still refer to them–literally–as icons all these years later.  

Despite not seeing each other as often as they used to, Kelly and Christi always pick up right where they left off. Hear them find out which of the Golden Girls best represents each of the Dance Moms, their plans to open a bar/laundromat and why Kelly hates Mother’s Day.

Quotes

• “This is before we realized that people had stylists…When people brought it up, I thought, ‘The Kardashians have stylists, not Kelly Hyland from Pittsburgh…‘That's just weird.’ (21:06-21:34 | Christi and Kelly)
• “I intentionally keep those shoes in the front of my shoe rack. They make me smile every time I look at them, because it was such a moment where I thought…‘How did we get here?’...” (28:43-29:07 | Christi)
• “I remember them saying, ‘Everybody practice ‘Call Me Maybe’ because they're going to have us sing it…’ I did not know the song. The entire world sang that song over and over and over and over again. I’m old. A little behind the times...still wearing a f***ing banana clip.” (30:43-31:18 | Christi and Kelly) 
• “They give you Dixie cups of wine at the awards show. So, we had 27. I had one between each finger.” (34:52-34:58 | Christi)

Links

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They always asked me the most stupid things, Kelly says, about Dance Mom reunion shows, the first of which is the subject of today’s podcast episode. Christi reminds us that the Moms were the real stars of the show and they got up to a lot while their daughters were endlessly rehearsing with Abby. They attempted to work out at the gym but always got sidetracked to the same place. Christi reveals why she would sit outside of the studio at the bus stop and who she spent hours talking to there. Abby spent much of her free time seeing hundreds of Broadway shows, which she always managed to brag about.

The Moms have an unbreakable bond that far precedes and has long outlasted the show. Christi recalls what she said to the officer who pulled her over while she was rushing Nia and Chloe to a competition, as well as the incident during Clara’s birth that Paige and Chloe still talk about every time they see her. No one talks to Abby anymore, but they still think of her and the lingering influence she and the show had on the girls’ psyches, and the Moms’ careers and parenting styles. 

If Abby had had a child, things might have been very different, since she would have understood the extent of the Moms’ responsibilities, and the lengths to which they were willing to go for their children. They give suggestions to improve Jill’s reunion show wardrobe and discuss the hit job Kelly’s stylist did on her hair.

Quotes

• “It's funny because I said nobody understands like us, we all have each other's back and Abby's rolling her eyes. The five of us still talk and nobody talks to her. So roll your eyes all you want Abby.” (41:12-41:24 | Christi) 
• “Abby said, ‘I can always create another family.’...None of those little families worked out as well as us. No, they were all just trying to be us.” (41:42-42:06 | Kelly and Christi)
• “Abby was trying to take Jill to etiquette school to teach her how to glide down the stairs. You can't sit in a chair, but you're going to teach Jill how to glide down stairs. OK. Whatever.” (1:44:49-1:45:03 | Christi) 

Links

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“I have to sit here and take it, and be the one who says, ‘Yes, I'm a terrible human on every level, sure,” says Christi, as she and Kelly walk us through the second part of the Dance Moms Season 2 reunion. They explain which statements were taken out of context, attributed to the wrong people, and just flat out made up. One of the most difficult aspects of filming the reunion–and filming the show in general–was the struggle for the ladies to tell their side of the story or to defend themselves without breaking the fourth wall and revealing manipulation from producers. As Kelly points out, most of the issues the Moms had, which were made to look like they were directed at specific people, were actually with the show as a whole. 

Cathy was made to look like the show’s “gremlin” who always lost to Abby, when actually Candy Apples had often beaten the ALDC. Christi now has more sympathy for Kaya’s experience, but like Abby, Kaya was allowed to say whatever she wanted and no one could rebut. Kelly divulges more of the complicated history between her and Abby, which goes back to high school–where Kelly kissed a boy Abby liked–and beyond. 

She and Christy hint at what more will be revealed about this shared history in the upcoming season. They also discuss what it was like filming in and touring soundstages in L.A., Abby’s strange obsession with lingerie and their plans to open a male version of Hooters. 

Quotes

• “They still hate each other. 100%. To this day, if you say ‘Cathy’ in front of Jill, she says, ‘Ugh,’ and Cathy, the same way.” (19:25-19:42 | Christi)
• “I listened to my kids because I know what it felt like. I did that, I danced every day and I never had friends in school and things…So I just felt, if they didn't want to dance, they didn't want to dance, you know?” (45:09-45:45 | Kelly)
• “To this day, if you go to dance competitions, moms all over the world are having a cocktail at a dance competition. Yep, that's just the way it is. It really is.” (53:12-53:26 | Christi)
• “No mom who steps foot in the door can claim that it's not about them in some capacity. You don't go on a TV show if it's not about you.” (1:14:31-1:14:39 | Christi) 

Links

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“I did not have time to make a drink because I was being chased by a bear,” Kelly explains in one of many revelations from this latest episode of Back to the Barre. Before launching into their review of Dance Moms Season 3, which they admit will take a dark turn, she and Christi wanted to have some fun answering fan questions. They reveal their most drunken moments both on and off camera and the key to determining which of their famous fights were the most authentic. They explain their favorite holidays and give the story behind the dog tags that the girls are often seen wearing at competition ceremonies. 

They discuss their wild times in college, give advice on keeping love alive in long-term relationships and describe the difference between raising their oldest daughters versus their youngest. Christi describes the crazy thing she used to do for her husband every day before finally telling him “no more.” Kelly describes how she met her husband, her son Josh’s time with the ALDC and the biggest issue that her girls ever fought about. 

They discuss their favorite mealtimes, dishes, and of course, their go-to drinks. They play Marry/Smash/Kill using the other cast members of Dance Moms and reveal the surprising third member of the original trio. 

Quotes

• “I did not have time to make a drink because I was being chased by a bear.” (27:53-27:56 | Kelly)
• “I like the fireworks at night, although now I know fireworks are totally un-PC because they scare animals, whatever. But I'll always like them. Well, we need some over here so they’ll scare away the bear. I’ll start lighting off fireworks every night before I take my dog out.” (35:49-36:04 | Christi and Kelly)
• “The best piece of advice anybody's ever given me about any relationship–not just  a romantic one–is never do anything at the beginning of a relationship that you're not willing to do forever.” (39:58-40:11 | Christi) 
• “I think my other favorite dances would be maybe the first solos they ever did, like bird dance and the inchworm. God, I would just love to go back to those moments.” (48:21-48:33 | Kelly)

Links

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“You tortured us for years, now we get to torture you,” Kelly says to Bryan Stinson, co-creator of Dance Moms and today’s guest on Back to the Barre. He shares funny moments and memories from the show which he credits with sending dance class registrations across the country skyrocketing with its debut. He, Christi and Kelly discuss the show’s legacy and what they would change if they could do it all again. He answers the long-standing question as to why production didn’t show more fun and funny moments with the kids and reveals the show’s one strict drug policy that Christi managed to break.

Though he recognizes Dance Moms as “lightning in a bottle,” and marvels at how unlikely it was to find such perfect kids in one small dance studio in PA, he is nonetheless rebooting the series and explains how it will differ from the original. Kelly and Christi give their best advice to potential future cast members and Kelly reveals why she was so angry with Bryan back when they were filming, and why all was forgiven when Bryan showed his abs. They dispel common misconceptions fans still have about the show’s rehearsals and competitions.

Christi and Kelly have their own plans for future reboots involving the two of them as grandmas living in a retirement home. Christi reveals the unlikely group of parents who embraced the show while Bryan names the cast member who genuinely scared him.

Quotes

• “You guys have to be really proud of what you accomplished and what the show did around the world. It really did fill up dance classes around the world. Registration doubled based on the TV show…You guys did that. It was the first of its kind.” (30:57-31:28 | Bryan)
• ‘We were never anything but ourselves. Real people in ugly dresses and that's why people related. They said, ‘I saw that dress at Walmart, too. And we’d say, ‘I'm wearing it on national television.’” (1:04:34-1:04:51 | Christi)
• “When Kelly and I finally move into our Golden Girls house together…That's going to be a show.” (1:18:28- 1:18:45 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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“If this is a foreshadowing of Season 3, Back to the Barre might be ending soon,” says Christi. This Dance Moms reunion episode made both her and Kelly physically ill to rewatch as it marked the beginning of dark times for the show. Producers were accusing them of dirty off-camera behavior, including Christi choking Cathy, which Christi vehemently denies. There was major drama involving meet-and-greets, who did them first and what they charged, the hypocrisy of it all and the early insight it gave into Abby’s shady dealings. Christi reads a letter that Abby wrote accusing Christi of “pimping” Chloe, and discusses a plan for an ill-fated jewelry line that left certain Moms out. 

Abby’s diva attitude was beginning to outgrow the dance studio. Her greed, entitlement and jealousy began to affect the cast in more ways than one. They accuse her of staging paparazzi shots showing off fake boyfriends and of always trying to bring Holly down a peg. Abby has even gone after Christi’s husband Mark spreading a bizarre lie about him. 

On the lighter side of things, they discuss the crazy lengths Jill would go to to look good at all times, and Abby’s misguided choice in style icons. Christi shares which serial killers the girls might have resembled by now, and the sweet thing Cathy always did for Chloe.

Quotes

• “You know what else I find really interesting about Abby, is that she always puts so much weight on pretty…‘Why is she always talking about who's pretty?’” (59:43-1:00:23 | Christi)
• “This is before there were brand deals and social media managers, like there are today…They were very much trailblazers.” (1:06:01-1:06:34 | Christi)
• “It's amazing that they're all good kids. I said they should be serial killers. We should have a Jeffrey Dahmer amongst us, for sure. At least a Lizzie Borden. Somebody murdering their mother with an ax, at minimum.” (1:36:50-1:37:09 | Kelly and Christi) 
• “That’s one thing I’ll give Cathy: she always came to Chloe and me, whether off camera or not, and said, ‘Chloe, you are a beautiful little dancer. Please don't let her destroy that in you.’” (1:49:25-149:35 | Christi)

Links

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“We're getting into the deepest recesses of Dance Moms hell. I can feel the heat,” says Christi about the show’s Season Three opener. Abby has returned from filming her spin-off show more arrogant than ever, but still so jealous of the girls’ success and newfound opportunities, she’s now scary cruel. This only bands the Moms closer together, everyone but Kelly, who has kept Brooke and Paige away. Of course, Abby’s worst offense is her blue rhinestone jewelry and matching eyeshadow, not to mention her day-glo orange tan. 

With two new shows on Lifetime, she has real power which she uses to punish the girls by holding auditions to bring in two new dancers, Ally and Ava. Kelly immediately recognizes Ava’s mom Jeanette as a suck-up. This of course is all set up by production and Christi and Kelly explain all the hidden giveaways including a blink-and-you-miss-it scene with Paige that pokes holes in the illusion the reason other studio moms were always mad at the Dance Moms. Cathy and Vivi plot their next move in a scene that made Christi fall to the floor laughing. Kelly explains the scandal behind her former “date’s” appearance.

Kendall gets a solo, and she and Jill start to catch on to Abby’s game. Maybe Christi and Kelly weren’t such dumb bitches, after all. They just sometimes throw up on their babysitters. 

Quotes

• “You see us all pulling into the parking lot. Note to all: We are a worldwide phenomenon.There's lots of money to be made but there are still potholes.” (13:33-13:43 | Christi)
• “Holly and Jill say, ‘Work with what you have.” Abby’s been working with what she had for 39 weeks…She does not want to sleep with dogs anymore. She wants quality dancers from other teachers.” (1:02:49-1:03:30 | Christi)
• “I hope at some point there is a psychology class that does a deep dive on all of the mental illnesses or personality disorders displayed in ‘Dance Moms.’ We each have one. All of us do.” (1:14:26-1:14:40 | Christi) 
• “My side-eye is so strong… if anybody ever told me to walk into that studio and go after you or I'd say, ‘Oh, no, f*** you.’” (1:36:34-1:36:56 | Christi)

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“Abby is so gleeful that we’re gone,” says Christi. “Dumbass, you obviously need us.” On the second episode of Dance Moms’ third season, the Moms are sitting in the parking lot, refusing to speak on camera until their contract negotiations are met. Producers have spun this into a protest to get Kelly back on the team. Abby brings in new girls to participate in competition in Indiana, including Hadley who appeared on ‘Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition’ and whom Abby repeatedly called “roadkill.” The Moms and their daughters choreograph their own dance to prove they don’t need Abby.

Plenty of TV and movie favorites get shoutouts in this episode. Abby says new dancer Sophia sounds like Mickey Mouse. Christi looks like Miss Piggy and Abby acts like the T Rex from Jurassic Park. Jill’s infamous wardrobe choices take a hit as Kelly’s wearing more aggressive fur, mom Jackie’s Bumpit is much bigger, and Cathy insults her Louis Vuitton purse with a classic Dance Moms line. Melissa’s genuinely worried Maddie could be replaced by a better dancer. 

Things are changing, but the fun and craziness stay the same. Join the fun to find out how the girls ended up toilet paper-ing Abby’s parking lot and the strange connection between the girls and infamous grave robber Ed Gein.

Quotes

• “Abby says, ‘They're all going to the ladies room together?’ She doesn’t have a friend to go to the bathroom with. She’s jealous.” (19:27-19:38 | Kelly and Christi)
• “I love that Abby says, ‘They're not speaking…‘You never want us to talk. You should be reveling in this.” (20:42-20:49 | Christi)
• “How about Gianna’s face when Abby calls the cops on us? Rachel, too. They're both laughing. They love it. ‘Oh, this is great.’ Everybody always asks us about Gianna. Here's your answer: Watch that scene.” (37:25-37:41 | Kelly and Christi) 
• “This is a woman who, two weeks ago, asked why Holly would wear a dress. You have on a felt star that a kindergartener cut out and that you had Kelly rhinestone upstairs as a fashion accessory. I am not taking credit for rhinestoning that.” (55:20-55:42 | Christi and Kelly) 

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“I got so much hate for this episode,” explains Christi as the Dance Moms return to the ALDC and bring the excitement back to the show. Emotions are running high all around. Abby makes the Moms sign a crazy new contract before allowing them back in the studio. Melissa remains genuinely scared that Sophia–famous for performing 54 consecutive turns onstage–will replace Maddie as Abby’s new star. Sophia’s mom Jackie refuses to argue or get catty which makes the Moms question what she’s doing on the show. 

Christi makes two bad jokes that she regrets to this day. She and Kelly argue about who really should get due credit for coining some of the show’s recurring insults, and discuss the difference between being tough and being mean. Their definition of mean, of course, looks a lot like Abby, whose insults toward Chloe and Paige reach a new low.

Christi first bonded with Kelly over a particular phone call, and today she gives Kelly a tutorial on how to take a basic picture with her phone. She also shares what she taught her daughter Clara about the law, and how one night out clubbing with Abby sent her to the emergency room.

Quotes

• “Do you know how many times Abby has made comments? She would only refer to me as ‘the nose.’ ‘Christie has her nose up in the air.’ She talks about Holly’s thighs, her butt, her clothes. Her cleavage.  She talks about everybody. Let's not forget Nia’s long hair. I'll never get over that.” (22:05-22:31 | Christi and Kelly)
• “I go out with Abby one night and I get roofied. Coincidence…Ish?” (57:57-58:01 | Christi)
• “Abby goes ballistic. ’Christi look at Sophia!’ What? You can't tell me where to look. Now, my eyeballs are only ever going to the right, ever. If you want them left, never. They're only going to the right. You cannot command my eyeballs.” (1:15:52-1:16:13 | Christi)
• “Chloe's very jittery backstage. She crosses herself before she dances…Can you imagine the butterflies these kids had? And people wonder why they forget their stuff. You’re losing your mind back there.” (1:24:15-1:24:40 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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“How exactly do you immigrate home?” is the question that hangs over the latest episode of Back to the Barre. The Dance Moms and their girls are headed to Dance Troupe Incorporated in Greensboro, North Carolina to perform an immigration-themed group number. Abby proves that she doesn’t know what immigration means, the difference between Ellis Island and Staten Island, or quite where the Titanic went. She praises Sophia, who has gone to film a movie in L.A., despite having nothing to do with her success, while she criticizes Brooke for being at school, just as she once criticized Chloe for missing a dance class to witness the birth of her sister.

The Moms have been tasked with finding props in Abby’s hoarder-level garage and Holly quits when she sees mouse droppings. Melissa cleans out the studio’s equally messy room to try to get back into Abby’s good graces. Jill calls her out for being two-faced and lying about being upset that Maddie has a duet with Kendall instead of a solo, while Jill tries to cover it up with bad acting. Jill continues to understand how Christi and Kelly feel as Abby is nasty to Kendall, as opposed to constructively critical. 

Christi shares the tragic event that occurred just before the group boarded the bus that made Abby look like even more of a fool. She also explains what they caught fans doing in the bathroom at this week’s competition.

Quotes

• “I didn’t go to Miller Street. I was having Clara…I chose for Chloe to be part of a monumental family occasion. Shame!” (24:06 | Christi)
• “I like that it's a very serious number, as opposed to all those fun, upbeat, fancy, easy numbers we do. This is serious. Okay. It's serious, Kel.” (27:40 | Christi)
• “I’ve just got to hand it to Jill. She is unbelievable. In an interview when they're clearly asking her about the Maddie and Sophia situation, she somehow manages to spin it back to Kendall.” (Christi | 38:31)
• “I wonder why Abby had a black eye, though? Somebody else had to punch her out.” (43:58 | Kelly)
• “Your boobs are out of control in that dress. You talk about not having boobs. Your boobs were ba-BAM. They were Ba-bammy.” (1:12:35 | Christi)

Links

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Me? I'm the biggest bitch of them all," says Dance Moms choreographer Ed Phelan on this episode of Back at the Barre. Ed has been choreographing for over 25 years, including working with Abby well before Dance Moms was conceived.

As someone who was there at the beginning; Ed offers insight into why he thinks the show could have only worked with this group of moms and girls. He addresses many of his concerns going in and how producers originally pitched him as Abby's villainous foil.

Christi and Kelly cite Ed as the one responsible for some of their favorite routines. Ed gives a little backstory on those dances, including what Abby contributed and what she took credit for (and how that got her kicked out of Dance Masters). Ed could actually teach kids how to dance whereas Abby never taught them anything, though credit is given for her skills as a choreographer.

Also, how many Big Macs could Abby fit under one car seat? The answer may shock you, though it certainly didn't shock these three.

Quotes

• “People. They'll talk about the show and things that they think they know and I'm like you don't even know these ladies, they were like my buddies. We used to go out and have a good time. It was so laid back when we were all together. Abby would usually ruin it with some kind of tantrum.” (15:01 -15:18 | Ed)
• “Those were the five kids on the show because those were the five kids left in that class.” (17:33-17:36 | Ed)
• “Wait you got Abby thrown out of Dance Masters? Well when they were thrown out of Dance Masters it really had nothing to do with Dance Moms, that was just the icing on the cake.” (21:30-21:37 | Christi and Ed)
• “Listen, I was married. I have a gorgeous ex-wife. If I'm going to be with a woman I'm going back there.” (42:03-42:08 | Ed)

Links

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“I love when she says wild shit to the kids,” says Christi. “Because the kids just look at her like she's crazy.” On the sixth episode of Dance Moms’ third season, Abby gets angry with the kids. After having come 4th in the last competition, no one is awarded the top of the pyramid. An upcoming On Stage America competition in New Jersey aims to pit the girls against Cathy's all male group; Abby is not prepared to take home anything but first place. The girls begin rehearsing Pink Lemonade while Kendall, Chloe and Nia compete for solo rehearsal time.

Melissa struggles to come to grips with her daughters being at the bottom of the pyramid. She fails to stand up for herself, which angers the other moms. In an attempt to bolster's Kendall's standing in the group, Jill hires a costume designer to make Kendall's dance outfit. This upsets Abby so much it results in Kendall being removed from the performance all together, leading to a massive blow-out with Jill.

It's a tense week that can't be contained to one episode. Join us for this part 1 look at the events that would eventually lead to the infamous "Chloe's Hat Incident" and discover just how dirty Broadway Baby really was.

Quotes

• “Well we always sound btichy, but come on. You don’t get to come on a show like that where everybody’s fucking tortured and never be fucking tortured.” (12:49 -12:56 | Christi)
• “Somebody asked Paige are you embarrassed or do you get upset when your mom fights like that with Abby? Her comment was that no, I don’t understand why a lot of the other moms don’t stick up for their kids.” (28:22-28:35 | Kelly)
• “Kendall doesn’t come first, my dog comes first.” (43:43-43:46 | Kelly) 
• “Broadway Baby sees Abby. She barks. You say I guess Broadway Baby can sense evil too. Yes, dogs are very sensitive. Dogs didn’t like Ted Bundy either.” (46:32-46:45 | Kelly and Christi) 

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“I'm not yelling at children!” exclaims Christi as things get heated on the second half of the "Boys Are Cuties, Girls Have Cooties". Abby is fuming over Cathy's all boys team, which Christi correctly guesses will result in their girls getting pushed that much harder. Abby launches directly into harsh criticisms of the soloists and starts getting on every girl's case about their hats for Pink Lemonade.

Cathy's boys bring the charm as OnStage America commences. All Abby needs the girls to do is be better than Cathy's group. Things look rocky fast as aside from Kendall's 3rd place, none of the soloists rank highly. It's all up to Pink Lemonade, but a successful performance is marred when Chloe drops her hat.

It's a worst case scenario for Christi as Chloe's been the target of Abby's ire for some time already. Even if the performance is well received; any and all faults will be placed squarely on Chloe's shoulders, especially if they lose to Cathy. This marks a low point for Christi, whose already had a very rough go of it this season. As she collects Chloe to leave, Christi is recorded yelling at bystanders in the hallway.

Having been unable to escape this clip for a whole decade, Christi would like to share that it isn't what it looks like! What really happened? Well join us today for what's sure to be, for Christi at least, a lose-lose situation.

Quotes

• “Cathy is telling her team it smells like something's burning. Woo, it's us because we are hot. Oh my god get a life. She's so cheesy. Her and Abby. God, they're having like, a lame-off.” (13:38 -13:54 | Kelly and Christi)
• “The whole thing went on with the costume. Then Jill on the bus and the costume. Then we just never heard another word about it. It just disappeared! Yeah, that was the main story of the first half.” (19:59-20:11 | Kelly and Christi)
• “Season 3 remains a very dark time in my life. This remains one of my low moments, especially when it aired and people were like Oh My God Christi is yelling at children!” (32:51-33:03 | Christi) 
• “Then you come back and fight with me. You have more on your mind this week, then you take it out on me bitch! I don't take it out on you as much as I think I'd fucking had it. Didn't we all have it at that point? Yeah, on me.” (42:37-46:45 | Kelly and Christi) 

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"It was an acting job for me," says Cathy of how she approached working on Dance Moms. Yes, today Christi and Kelly finally welcome Abby's on-screen rival and former Dance Mom Cathy Nesbitt-Stein to the show!

Cathy was seemingly the only person on the show who was keenly aware of what reality TV expected of them. She always played a heightened version of herself. In regards to being Abby's primary foil, Cathy discusses how much of the bitterness was played up for camera and how she really feels about Abby (and of course Jill).

Plus Cathy shares some life updates for her entire family. Does her husband still sell beef jerky? What's Vivi's current stance on dancing? But more importantly, was the purse Cathy used to smack Abby actually a designer bag?

Quotes

• “I would say Cathy is exactly like she is on TV, except Cathy understood the game. You understood it was TV and to be a bigger, more grandiose version of yourself.” (08:03 -08:16 | Christi)
• “You weren't even filming the first episode. You were on the bus to the first episode and you were like, I can't do it! I cannot do buses.” (19:52-20:00 | Christi and Cathy)
• “The crew used to judge what we had on. Really, they judged our clothes? Yeah, like who was at the top of the pyramid? I think you won a lot Kelly. Did I? Yeah. Well you and your mom jeans weren't winning anything.” (22:03-22:20 | Christi, Kelly and Cathy)
• “Her dinner was literally a cough drop and licorice. After the show all the little Newsies wanted to meet us. We go up on stage and all of a sudden I look over at Vivi and she's like...BBBBAAARRRFFF...she's throwing up all over the stage! The boys were so sweet; they came and cleaned it up and told her we'll think of you every night we tap dance on this stage.” (40:23-40:59 | Cathy)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I'm recapping this week and I have to say, it's not all that bad! says Christi. "Yeah, cause you ain't in it!" Kelly points out. It's Christi's dream come true as she can shit-talk all she wants and shares none of the embarrassment as Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 7 begins.

Abby is thrilled by Cathy's defeat in the previous competition, but takes the opportunity to chastise the girls for only winning by a tenth of a point. Pointing to Christi and Chloe's absence, Abby threatens to suspend any dancer who isn't performing up to her standards. This frustrates the moms as Abby doesn't have that authority, but it matters little to the girls who continue to feel the pressure Abby forces upon them. With the next competition quickly approaching the group begins to rehearse Avalanche, Kendall and Maddie receive solos, and Nia and Paige prep a duet.

Maddie's had weeks to prepare her solo, finishing her prep well ahead of Kendall who is left appearing under-prepared by comparison. After Kendall ends up in tears over the situation, Abby strips her of the solo and offers a solo spot to the newly returned Sophia.

However, what behind the scene trickery resulted in Jackie and Sophia's sudden midnight departure? Tune-in to find out!

Quotes

• “How many pairs of underwear have you found under a seat in your car? Gross, that's so disgusting. I know but our kids would change, they had too!” (11:05-11:14 | Kelly and Christi)
• “Maybe you have a spot on the pyramid Brooke! Here's to hoping, got to have some kind of hope! Maybe I should take out everyone in the group. Then we might be on the top!” (14:00-14:14 | Kelly and Christi)
• “I was out the other day and somebody asked someone if they had seen the show. He was a guy and was like no, but I'll have to look it up and watch it. No please don't! Please don't! It's like humiliating. I tell people all the time I like them better if they don't watch it.” (1:02:17-1:02:38 | Kelly and Christi) 
• “I really like it, it's got a lot of personality. Just so we all know, personality is code word for not a lot of choreography.” (1:07:58-1:08:06 | Christi) 

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I'm like five feet behind everybody, like you guys go ahead I'm just going to stay back here," Kelly remarks as the second half of "Rotten to the Core" sees bottles and bags being hurled left and right.

Cathy's limo entrance in Detroit draws the immediate ire of the moms, which only worsens as Jalen's dad starts to pick a fight with Abby. If that wasn't enough, Holly requests that Abby acknowledge Nia's RND which results in Abby not only insulting both Holly's intelligence and Nia's pain, but also triggers the cancelation of Nia and Paige's duet when Holly pushes back at Abby.

While Maddie's big solo return wins first place, the group performance of Avalanche leaves a lot to be desired and Cathy's team takes first overall. Abby tries to avoid Cathy after the show, but their inevitable confrontation becomes the stuff of legend when Abby takes her Wicked Witch joke too far and throws her open bottle of water at Cathy.

Is the resulting fight a little overkill? Maybe, but it's certainly something these moms will never forget!

(Also pardon the brief sound of the fan in Christi's audio, it was 101 degrees!)

Quotes

• “Cathy says you know what Ab, that hair is not going to make that limo look any worse. I don't know what that means.” (17:51-17:57 | Christi)
• “So Cathy pulls out a dog whistle, and then she starts blowing it. She says Abby you know what, this is a dog training tool. It makes the dogs sit down and shut up. I'm actually cackling at this point, where doe shtis woman come up with that shit? Although to be fair Abby had that blue whistle in season one that she used for the girls...somebody left a dick whistle at my house this week.” (19:12-19:47 | Christi)
• “Jill wonders if Holly and Kelly are coming to see Kendall perform, cause that's what's important right now right? God forbid I try and not make Holly be upset. It's not like we were trying to avoid Kendall's dance. Holly was having a breakdown and I was trying to calm her down to get her into the audience.” (38:23-38:43 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Abby turns around while she's arguing with Jalen's dad at one point and screams at him - My child just went out there and won. I'm pretty sure Maddie did not come out of your vagina.” (53:31-15-53:48 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Chloe and Paige took their first dance class 20 years ago, probably early September right after Labor Day," Christi remembers as these moms realize they've been officially been friends for 20 years this month! Few friends have ever gone on quite the journey that these two have, but 20 years later they're still the baddest bitches in town!

With the help of their trusty intern Matt, Christi and Kelly are going to answer questions to see how much they know about one another. The catch? If they get a question wrong they have to drink and they're both already hungover! What is their go to drink at the bar, what age did they have their first kiss and what was the name of their first boyfriend? Whose memory will prevail with Christi's elephant brain and Kelly's bird brain each sorting through 20 years of insanity?

Plus, will a TikTok finally prove these moms right in one of their longest running Dance Mom arguments? Tune-in to find out!

Quotes

• “That's a dirty little secret from Dance Moms. We used to go to interviews and from the waist down we had on pajama pants! We weren't pretty down bellow.” (01:33-01:46 | Christi)
• “When your doctor tells you that you don't get pregnant when you're nursing, they're full of shit! It happened to me twice.” (10:57-11:04 | Kelly)
• “I was playing spin the bottle in sixth grade. It wasn't because I liked the boy and I kissed him because I wanted to kiss somebody. I had to kiss him because my stupid bottle landed on him. Oh my god I'll never forget him because he's such a nerd.” (25:23-25:38 | Kelly) 
• “We would go in these backrooms in New York. Chloe and Paige were like three years old and we would take them into these backrooms to buy fake purses! What horrible people we are! You were nine months pregnant with Clara!” (44:37-44:59 | Christi and Kelly) 

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“As the leader of the Bitchettes, I’d like to issue a blanket apology to everyone I’ve let down," Christi laments as she endures Episode 8 of Season 3 "You've Been Unfriended". The mere thought of having a heart to heart moment with Melissa of all people brings a shiver down Christi's spine, but this episode remains a sore spot as it not only features some horrific treatment of Chloe, but contains Christi and Kelly's big fight.

As tensions brew between Christi and Kelly over their lack of communication during Christi's absence, things are back up and running with all the girls prepping for Intensity Dance Competition in Fort Lauderdale. While the speakeasy theming of the group number Money is the Root of All Evil confuses the moms, the girls excel with the number. Nia and Paige get another shot at their duet while Brooke and Maddie get solos.

Abby thinks she's practicing tough love with the girls, but tensions only grow stronger as anyone not named Maddie struggle to get session time. On top of that, Abby refuses to refer to Chloe by name as petty vengeance against Christi, who now has to juggle her beef with Kelly as well as look out for Chloe.

“This is a really hard episode for me," says Christi, and she means it more than ever.

Quotes

• “Abby says shit wrong all the time. An example is she said to Cathy you’re red and white and black all over, because people read you in the obituaries. Remember that joke when you were little, what’s black and white and red all over? The newspaper. Like she gets shit just a little bit wrong. Like if we’re going to use those insults lust just try to get them right.” (09:34-10:06 | Christi)
• “I’ve got big man balls. I didn’t know that! I didn’t either! Well I am going to say if I have big man balls, I shave them. Oh good, we like some manscaping done. We don’t want disco balls. We already have disco bush we don’t need disco balls.” (19:12-19:47 | Christi and Kelly)
• “This scene was clearly like an episode of the Twilight Zone because Melissa and I are both drinking beer! I’ve never seen Melissa drink a beer. Have you seen me drink a beer!?” (46:23-46:35 | Christi)
• “Good thing we didn't fight very often cause we weren't very exciting. We go down as probably the stupidest fight in Dance Moms” (1:24:24-15-53:48 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“This is either the most deranged show of all time or the greatest piece of entertainment to ever hit the airwaves," says Christi as this seemingly sad episode continues to go off the rails as the moms must confront the death of Broadway Baby and one depressed Abby.

Christi and Kelly are supposedly still not on good terms, but as they'll attest now they'd long made up by this point so the show must spend time to try and find a narratively satisfying way to capture that on camera. Producers have to do something to fill time as Abby absconds to Florida to mourn the death of her beloved Baby. To cheer Abby up the moms plan to surprise her by creating an all new group dance and crafting their own original costumes. The gesture is not well received and Abby makes the girls perform an improv group piece at the next competition, something that has everyone worried.

To make matters worse the girls will be going up against Nicaya in solos, overseen by the confrontational Kaya, aka Black Patsy. Kaya minces no words with the moms and stirs the pot as soon as the competition is underway. But when she begins to really go after the girls, Jill finds too many lines have been crossed and a scene ensues.

For a tribute episode for a beloved pet, there's still no shortage of insanity to be had!

Quotes

• “I can’t believe we’re older than an age that I was just going to make fun of!” (08:56-09:00 | Christi)
• “We’re animal lovers, we would never wish anything upon them. I rescue things from the dumpster on a weekly basis! You rescued me from a dumpster! Oh my god! You’re part of the cat distribution system!” (16:55-17:09 | Christi and Kelly)
• “She says Broadway Baby kept me sane; she made everything ok when I would come home from work upset or distraught over the mothers. I love that somehow this whole thing about being upset about Baby came back to us being assholes!” (37:17-37:30 | Christi)
• “Really Melissa, do you have to make everything about your kids? This was supposed to be something the whole group was doing, and in the audience we look furious. We all took the brunt of changing the dance and everything and then didn’t get the glory of her enjoying it. We took all the brunt and then she got all the glory of Maddie being the one to give it to her!” (1:03:00-1:03:24 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I'm so uncomfortable," Christi says speaking for us all as the moms take Abby on a speed dating excursion in "All's Fair in Love and War". Supposedly love is in the air and Abby decides to center this week's group dance on a tragic love story with Your Dream Will Be My Dream. While the moms welcome the return of Nick Dobbs to bolster the performance, Abby's choice to center the piece around a dying Brooke, who is also deeply uncomfortable with the choreography, doesn't sit well with everyone.

The topic of loves leads Melissa to pitch taking Abby on a speed-dating night out, which the moms hope will help to get Abby on their good side. Instead it mostly leads to some uncomfortable Abby flirting and further group segmentation as Christi is asked by Abby not to attend, which Jill happily facilitates. Tensions grow stronger when Jill has Gianna give Kendall some solo practice time, despite the fact Kendall is supposed to be practicing her duet with Nia. When Abby starts to pressure Nia to drop out of the duet at the last second in favor of Maddie, Holly begins to note that instead of working as a team, it's starting to become every mom for herself as Nia is sidelined.

Plus, after demanding last week that the kids improv and then promptly scolding them for doing so this week, Abby seems more intent than ever to focus solely on Maddie. The love won't be in the air for long if these divisions grow deeper, and that'll be evident come performance time!

Quotes

• “Those look like avocados. I thought they looked like sperm! I’m not pregnant the sperm are on my shirt people! Oh Kelly, god! You should never let them do that on your shirt.” (21:16-21:28 | Christi and Kelly)
• “We’re in trouble no matter what we do. If we’re fighting we’re in trouble. If we’re having fun we’re in trouble. If we’r making costumes we’re doing it wrong. We want to be in charge and if we’re not then we are lazy and not contributing. If we’re at work we don’t love our children. If we’re not at work we need a job.” (31:02-31:15 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Me and Abby want the same kind of man! Ew!” (50:32-50:36 | Kelly)
• “Abby says don't you think he should get me a ring? And I'm like, but why would you be excited to get engaged to a gay man? Holly says it could be a friendship ring, you say or a beard!” (1:05:55-1:06:09 | Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“If we did this whole episode it would be like The War and Peace of Dance Moms," warns Christi as our duo begin tackling the first part of the two hour epic "Camouflaged Maneuvers". The ALDC returns for practice after a brief break with a longer than expected five days to go until their next competition. Abby is frustrated with second place, even Pyramid topper Brooke is only given backhanded niceties.

The remedy is an extended back to basics training to prep for a group Hip-Hop dance routine inspired by the recent dissolution of the military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. The choice of topic is a head scratcher for the moms, but the backroom maneuvers of Jill in the previous episode and Abby's dating life still command most of their attention at the moment. It frustrates Holly to see Jill continuously praised for going behind their backs while everyone else is lambasted for similar behavior. But shady things aren't only happening on the mom's end as Mackenzie has suddenly received a sprained ankle and can't participate in the group dance, an excuse Abby is suspicious of after Melissa claims that it's been a problem for weeks without any prior mention.

But the girls take a back seat for Abby when out of the blue she gets called for a date! When a "former stripper" arrives to take Abby to dinner, speculations of what's even happening run wild and of course there's hope that Abby getting laid will help the mom's overall standing. Gross times indeed!

Quotes

• “They stick a tube up there and it flushes you out. My yoga instructor had it done and she said she hadn’t eaten corn in three years, and corn came out! I’m gonna vomit! Imagine what would be in there! Ew! Kelly this is the most disgusting conversation we’ve ever had. Then why are we talking about it? You brought it up!” (05:07-05:35 | Christi and Kelly)
• “That’ll be our honeymoon. Naked fishies instead of naked pizza.” (35:55-35:59 | Christi)
• “I hope she goes on a date. Maybe she’ll get laid so she’s not so miserable. I’m mean. I think we’re hilarious. I would want to be friends with us because we’re funny!” (45:50-46:08 | Christi and Kelly)
• “The funniest part about Jill is that this is how Jill is. And so I am in the Era of Jill right now. I am a big Jill fan, because she fucking makes this show ridiculous.” (1:20:04-1:20:14 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

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"Why do we care?" Christi asks as Bitch #1 and Bitch #2 have it out for Mackenzie on the second half of Camouflaged Maneuvers. Melissa reveals Mackenzie's sprained ankle will keep her from performing for a suspiciously short 72 hours. Abby is upset by this turn of events and insists that Mackenzie sit in a wheelchair for the duration of the episode. But before the moms can even process why the ALDC even has this wheelchair on hand, Mackenzie is caught doing cartwheels on camera which infuriates Abby (and for some reason this also makes Christi and Kelly mad?). After Abby had been getting worked up over everyone not trying hard enough and "lying" for the past two weeks, this event did not go over well and all the kids get interrogated over who saw what.

This time could have been better spent with Brooke who hasn't been given the proper attention she needs to prep for a solo. While Abby insists that is because she's older and doesn't need the attention, Kelly points out that's never been true of any of the other older children.

But Kelly's problems are only just beginning because she has to awkwardly explain what Don't Ask Don't Tell is all about on national television! Abby insists the moms need to discuss the importance of the theme of the group dance to the girls, despite the fact she herself won't even say the word "gay"! Kelly's resulting heart to heart is certainly a Dance Moms moment to remember and certainly will need a drink to get through!

Quotes

• “I think I’m traumatized and scarred from the mom jeans so I am on a quest. I’m on a quest to find the perfect jeans!” (15:07-15:16 | Christi)
• “If we weren’t in the dance community our kids wouldn’t have known. I don’t just think they would have been as openly exposed [to the gay community], but again it wasn’t anything I don’t ever recall ever having a conversation about specifically? The only time I did was on national television!” (30:10-30:30 | Christi and Kelly)
• “We had to have every single outfit approved by Abby, and our kids looked gorgeous. They looked gorgeous and then this woman rolls in with the ugliest shit known to man. I don’t understand.” (37:26-37:36 | Christi)
• “Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. Maybe everything was like a big middle finger to Abby at this point cause she’s a lot.” (1:10:28-1:10:36 | Christi)

Links

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"We're not very smart, we haven't done Back to the Barre for a while," Christi confesses as the bitches get ready to ease back into the Barre with a quick look at some of Season 3's Promos. It's been a busy few weeks of filming and traveling for both Christi and Kelly. Between producing and Dance Moms Reunions, they managed to miss a whole episode!

But fear not Bitchettes as this week they're dissecting two classic Dance Moms promos, featuring homages to both Flashdance and Take on Me. For 30 second clips they sure do take a long time to film, and no mom came out unscathed. You'd be surprised how easy it is to get hurt when a whole group of moms rush a door at the same time! And how giddy was Abby when she got to douse the moms with ice cold water? The answer won't surprise you!

Quotes

• “Their wigs were horrible. Oh my god they were intentionally horrible. Like where did we get those?” (20:02-20:09 | Christi and Kelly)
• “All of a sudden it fell, we had no clue. And it was the coldest water of all time. It was probably 50 degrees! It was terrible!” (24:12-24:21 | Christi and Kelly)
• “She tries to break it. She made Kendall do it. She wouldn’t let it be Maddie, she made it be Kendall it’s hysterical. Well Kendall go her special part! I don’t think Jill wants that special part Kell!” (32:41-32:53 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Under no circumstances are we mud wrestling. I don’t know I maybe would now.” (46:06-46:13 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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"Red plastic rhinestone crap, blue plastic rhinestone crap," utters Christi as one of her most iconic scenes comes into play as these bitches cover the first half of the massive Season 3 episode "The Apple of Her Eye". Joining our moms is none other than newly dubbed Bitch #3, Jill Vertes! There could be no better guest for the occasion as this episode features one of Jill's most infamous attempts to bolster Kendall's standing with Abby, so she's here to explain herself!

After a finishing a disastrous 7th place in last week's competition, Abby is determined to bring the ALDC back to the top with a rematch against Cathy at the next competition. With Nia being the only stand-out dancer from the previous routines, Abby decides to focus the next group dance around her with a contemporary dance themed for Civil Rights icon Rosa Parks. But in order to encourage Nia to be the best and "earn it", Abby implies the role of Rosa Parks is up for grabs?!

This is especially shocking to everyone involved as the idea of any child not named Nia portraying Parks would be disastrous. Though Jill is seemingly up for the task and begins to promote Kendall for the role of Rosa Parks! Between this development and Abby's nicer than normal attitude, the ALDC is certainly in for an eventful week!

Quotes

• “Christi you were out of the room. You know Eddie came back in and said (of Christi) that bitch is fucking crazy. I agree Eddie I agree.” (22:36-22:44 | Kelly and Jill)
• “Chloe you suck as bad as Paige. Go dance! That was rotten. That was like the passive aggressive: Oh come here sweetie you dumbass!” (38:44-38:56 | Christi and Jill)
• “She says that Rosa Parks got arrested because she stood up for something she believed in. That’s the same reason I got arrested, because I stood up for something I believed in: Her mistreating my children! Oh my god you’re like Rosa Parks. I am! I’m going with it. Kelly is Rosa Parks.” (43:34-45:50 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Kell, I’m teasing cause you were not on my side. You just wanted me to go in there and complain to Abby and get my ass kicked! Exactly, better you than me!” (1:07:16-1:07:25 | Kelly and Jill)

Links

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"I can’t drink I’ll die!" laments Christi as she nurses a migraine while trying to still overcome the fact Jill really seemed like she wanted Kendall to play Rosa Parks. It's the second half of "The Apple of Her Eye" and it's time for Power House Dance Competition where the ALDC is up against Cathy's boys once more, and this time losing to Cathy isn't an option.

The last time Abby went head to head with Cathy, it ended in a water bottle fight and plenty of screaming, something neither Cathy or Abby is going to let the other forget. Cathy hires "bodyguards" to keep her safe and Abby taunts her for purse assault (despite the fact that Abby started it). But it all comes down to who bests who on the stage, and the ALDC brings their A-game.

There are mishaps to be had on both sides however, and Kelly consequently has some very unkind words for Jalen that may cross a few lines. But will it cross as many lines as Paige and Chloe's outfits? For Christi and Kelly, they might just have to cross a line to put into words just how shocking those outfits even were!

Also remember, today is your last day to order Back to the Barre merchandise if you want guaranteed Christmas delivery!

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Quotes

• “That is like our famous line and I have like no idea. My kids are like: Do this with me mom, and they want me to reenact it. I cannot do it! Because we’re not actresses Kelly we just say funny shit when it comes to us.” (04:17-04:30 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Abby tells Mackenzie to make sure that she helps Kendall with her facial expressions. Ok, like let me paint a clown face on so she’s smiling for the whole dance like whatever Abby.” (29:05-29:21 | Kelly)
• “Yeah I think you’re allowed to call your own kid a hooker.” (37:03-37:08 | Christi)
• “I didn’t really get a mug shot. They made a pretend one. They did because that was at the Top of the Pyramid, which how did you get to the top for fighting? God if you get at the top for fighting I should have been at the top the whole time.” (51:24-51:35 | Christi and Kelly)

Links

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“In a 30 second span, two of the most iconic Dance Moms moments happen back to back,” Christi exclaims as "She's a Maniac" has those and more iconic moments to spare. To mark the occasion (and to celebrate one of her few episodes where she doesn't suffer) the Bitches welcome Paige Hyland to the Barre!

Abby brings in Broadway dancer Rachelle Rak to choreograph the Golddigga group number. It's a not too subtle jab at Melissa, who was just secretly married, but it sure is fun to have to explain what a Gold Digger is to the kids! Perhaps more pressing is whether Abby will be able to square away her desire for control with Rak's non-Maddie centric choreography.

Quotes

• “For us telling our points of view like on this behind the scenes thing, the kids version is totally different. Cause you guys were in the dance room and we didn’t know what was going on a lot of the time but you guys didn’t really know what was going on upstairs.” (12:09-12:24 | Kelly)
• “We all have come to learn that the Pyramid means nothing. Not based on any kind of fact or any kind of real information. Just kind of based on your last name, maybe.” (23:50-24:01 | Christi and Kelly)
• “It’s a cellophane wrap party…and we’re wrapping each other…in literal cellophane. I figure I should go put one of them on. Kelly! Maybe I’ll wear one of those this weekend on my face. I don’t think they work. Well they got to do something! Well it’s probably old and expired, it’s 12 years old at this point. Don’t you think the plant extracts might have dried up?! Maybe.” (56:43-57:10 | Christi and Kelly)
• “I am shocked that no producer picked that up and said, we’re going to incorporate this [Giant Doll Man] into a dance. Girls, this is Bob Fosse, he’s sitting on the edge of the stage, now dance for Fosse. Flirt with him, dig his gold.” (1:07:22-1:07:37 | Christi)

Links

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"You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to postmates a drink," Christi jokes as she's booze-less going into what may be one of the strangest episodes of Dance Moms yet. Season 3's "Watch Your Back, Mack" is most notable for the introduction of Asia Monet Ray, the newest member of the ALDC and a former competitor on Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. But to these bitches it will always be best remembered for one of Abby's truly unhinged decision to get her dearly departed Broadway Baby stuffed and displayed! Where was Abby storing the body for so many months? Why does she not think this is creepy and insane? Why did Melissa recommend it to here?!

But Asia's presence, and by extension her mother Kristie's presence, is of more concern to Jill who is worried about the outsiders coming in (getting a little taste of her own medicine). Abby is setting up Asia to directly compete with Mackenzie in the hopes their rivalry will encourage them both to improve. Will Abby's method of trial by fire work out in the end? Has it ever?

Abby better hope it does as she'll be facing off against Cathy once more at Energy Dance, and the Wicked Witch is feeling extra wicked this week. Cathy is prepared to make Abby eat her words and hires one of Abby's own choreography friends as a ringer to put the ALDC in their place. Mackenzie might not be the only one who has to look out for her competition.

Quotes

• “I’m just not a cat person. I know. I wasn’t a cat person until we started finding them in dumpsters and bringing them home. You found me in a dumpster and you didn’t take me home!” (02:34-02:46 | Christi and Kelly)
• “And also, Chloe came out of my vagina, so clearly…actually that’s not true she came out of my womb, she was a C-section baby. This is untouched in case anybody’s worried. OH GOD STOP! You’re always talking about that area!” (29:05-29:21 | Christi and Kelly)
• “Abby really and truly believes that competition makes you better. Because Maddie and Chloe were head to head, that made them better. She wanted Mackenzie to get better, so that’s why she had someone Mackenzie’s age come in.” (20:23-20:40 | Kelly)
• “There’s many times that we’ve filmed this show that I’ve been like: Ok, now we’ve officially gone off the rails….NOW we’ve officially gone off the rails.” (36:25-36:33 | Christi)

Links

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“Somebody has to fight with her,” remarks Kelly as we go through the motions of introducing Kristie Ray into the mom group on the second half of "Watch Your Back, Mack". Even though the moms (and especially our bitches) are on their best behaviors, tensions still seem to mount as Kristie begins to try and push the mom's every button. Though the show implies Melissa should be the one worried as Asia is being held up as the Mackenzie replacement, Melissa could seemingly care less and it's up to the other moms to pick up the dramatic slack. From Jill getting technical about who gets to sit where on the bus to Kristie trying to share some welcoming advice, new Kristie is having none of it and seems to be here solely to stir up the pot.

More distressing to our moms however is that Cathy's team has come more than prepared to wipe the floor with the ALDC at this week's competition. Mackenzie is still out of circulation due to increasingly absurd foot problems, and the group dance doesn't offer much in the way of innovation or pizzaz. In fact the theme of the group dance theme reincarnation still comes off as confusing at best, indecipherable at worst. With Cathy's team running a well oiled machine under the tutelage of Abby's friend John, it might not be obvious to Abby quite yet but this is not going to be the best week for the ALDC.

Also enjoy Christi and Kelly's attempt to go full Zapruder-film breakdown as they try (and somewhat succeed?) in studying footage of Abby's in-real-time breakdown towards the end of the episode.

Quotes

• “I’m the only one that said something nice and she says I’m a bitch, with you! I don’t get it. Last time I’m saying something nice.” (04:32-04:38 | Kelly)
• “The fact that everyone of the kids on the show were fantastic dancers, because she made them be. If our kids had danced anywhere else, I don’t they would have been as amazing as they were. Cause it wasn’t like these seven kids were the best of the best from around the country that she hand selected. They were kid who went because they lived in the neighborhood.” (16:09-16:30 | Christi)
• “It’s a big smile. It was just pasted on there the whole time! Somebody needs to get that man a crest ad.” (27:21-27:28 | Christi)
• “Brian loved to bring on moms that made us feel ugly.” (34:40-34:43 | Christi)

Links

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Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code [BARRE] at LumeDeodorant.com! #lumepod

"You are 15 you piece of shit," is not exactly what Abby said to Brooke, but Christi couldn't have summed up the mood better as Abby froths at the mouth after losing to Cathy. As "The Politics of Dancing" begins, Abby is already throwing everyone under the bus, except for newcomer Asia whom Abby claims is upstaging the rest of the girls and putting them in their place (despite the fact Asia took first with non-Abby choreography and the girls did relatively fine in competition). To showcase her new star, Abby designs a patriotic group number that will feature Asia prominently waving an American flag. But as any Dance Mom will tell you, nothing scares them more than the dreaded "prop". Could Abby's pro-Asia stance be one prop fumble away from ending?

Melissa meanwhile is focused on getting her children homeschooled, with the aim of letting the kids have more time to practice dance. While Holly preaches the importance of education, as far as the show is concerned it's dancing first and school second. It doesn't make much difference to Mackenzie, however, as she's still sidelined with a bad foot. How will her rivalry with Asia ever get off the ground if she can't?

Quotes

• “Chloe called someone a Fucking Bitch in like preschool… not to their face but to me. She’s like she’s a fucking bitch and I’m like oh NO NO NO NO NO No NO NO…no no no we do not say such things Cupcake!” (02:40-02:56 | Christi)
• “I say clearly the ALDC is not a democracy, Abby is a totalitarianist. I’d like to point out that I obviously knew that reading 1984 in 6th grade was going to come in handy cause that’s the only time I’ve heard or used that word in my life.” (28:07-298:25 | Christi)
• “At this point dance wasn’t really like a social thing. No, cause they were so isolated. Yeah, and it was work… It made my kids love school more. Like my kids couldn’t wait to go to school.” (43:54-44:15 | Christi & Kelly)
• “We are the two old men on the Muppet’s Show. That we are! 100%. No wonder why people think we’re idiots! Cause we are!” (1:00:34-1:00:44 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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"Life is just a lesson," remarks Christi, "My Instagram bio literally says I make mistakes...some are on TV." At least she can be assured that on the second half of "The Politics of Dancing" the only one making mistakes as per usual is Abby, who is determined to pit the kids against one another no matter the cost.

As the ALDC arrives in Philadelphia for Powerhouse Dance Invitational, Abby is already setting the girls up for failure. The group number "Free the People" requires the girls to dress in American Flag regalia, which means the moms have to get creative with their costume sourcing as they know if they cut-up a real American flag the controversy the producers are hoping for will be unbearable. Plus Abby wants the girls to vote between Maddie and Chloe over who performs the best solo (like it's a democracy?). Abby believes this will encourage the girls to do better, but the results might as well be a foregone conclusion considering Maddie is always given the best choreography. It's just an excuse to make Chloe feel bad because Christi won't kiss Abby's ass.

Asia and Christi continue to be a thorny presence for the rest of the group since... well that's why they were brought on the show! Though the other girls clearly like Asia, she isn't reprimanded for crying or messing up choreography as every other girl would be. It's enough to rile up both Jill and Kelly, who call out the double standard but are framed as coming after a young child. It's just Abby's world and they're suffering in it.

Quotes

• “Well I will gossip about you on the phone. I’ll get you. I’ll call Kelly! I’m gonna call Kelly. We’re gonna say you’re an asshole on the phone…TO EACH OTHER! Cause we’re the cool moms.” (10:03-10:16 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Anybody who thought that this show was scripted, I can see why because nobody is really this insane.” (16:33-16:40 | Christi)
• “There are a few things that Chloe talks about as traumatic Dance Moms experience, and this is in her Top Two. Oh yeah, this still hurts her at 22 years old.” (29:11-29:22 | Christi)
• “Abby was talking about the fact that at that point I would not do meet and greets with them, like that we did our own stuff. And I’m like right but all the other kids do stuff and you’re not picking on them because you’r making money from them.” (44:47-45:02 | Christi)

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"Do you want to vomit on her, or do you want to vomit on her?” asks Christi as things are as painful as ever on "May I Have This Dance". After coming in second yet again, Abby is fed up with everyone (but Maddie) and is starting to get particularly cruel with her comments during Pyramid (of course except for Maddie). Paige's treatment of the flag was supposedly so bad that she did "a disservice to this country," meanwhile Maddie was so good that Abby dubs her "America the Beautiful". It's a new level of awful that certainly caused no psychological damage whatsoever!

Abby somewhat cheers up when she gets the call that she's been asked to co-host an episode of The View with an ALDC performance. The only person more excited than Abby about this news is Melissa, who franticly tries to make Mackenzie presentable as completely healed from her damaged foot and ready to dance. This strikes the moms and even Abby as suspicious, so Asia instead practices with the group for The View, but that won't keep Melissa from doing everything she can to get Mackenzie a spot in that line-up.

In the meantime the girls are set to perform at Energy in Ohio, and Maddie has been "promoted" to co-choreographer and won't be joining in the group dance. Abby claims this is to teach the group self reliance so they don't just follow Maddie, but the moms point out that the girls are always being told to follow Maddie's lead! It wouldn't be a Dance Mom's lesson without contradictions!

Quotes

• “Fun facts with Christi! A bunch of bullshit that no one really needs to know!” (05:24-05:30 | Christi)
• “The doctor said she had to wait two weeks [to dance again] and Abby said I’m not comfortable going against the doctor; it’s not been two weeks yet. Now Kelly, when Paige had a broken foot and you asked for two weeks off she was like: You know what? We’re going to have Paige jump round on the broken foot, with the cast, at a dance recital that we don’t need somebody in!” (15:58-16:23 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Every dance title that woman gives my daughter or your kid is a middle finger to the mother.” (19:40-19:47 | Christi)
• “I said Christi Ray has two sides. She has the perfect Dance Mom side and then the I’m a Stage Mom Bitch side. And I’m like wait no, I’m on her side.” (44:46-44:53 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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"The foot is done!" exclaims both Christi and Kelly as the arduous Mackenzie's Broken Foot Saga finally comes to a close. After all, would Melissa let Mackenzie's foot stay broken if it meant not getting to dance on The View? On Season 3's "The View From the Top", the ALDC hits New York for a special appearance on The View that is being guest hosted by Abby, all the while prepping for Masters of Dance Art Invitational the following day. In short the group needs to learn and rehearse five routines in two days time while combating Abby's ever inflating ego (one of those days is for The View so technically make that one day).

The Mackenzie vs Asia rivalry hits a breaking point for Melissa when it seems, even if just for a moment, that Abby might choose Asia over her daughter for The View performance. Setting aside the ridiculous notion that Abby would ever let that happen, the possibility does make Melissa feel momentarily that she too could be treated like a Hyland or a Lukasiak. Between Kristie Ray's thank you card, Abby's weird threatening speech to Mackenzie and Melissa's pleading, it's a lot of spilled milk in one episode for a conflict that as our Bitches have repeatedly made clear is very obviously going to end with Mackenzie performing on The View!

Meanwhile, Cathy is holding auditions to fill out her Candy Apples team in preparation for the New York Invitational. Her hopes to land a new boy on the team hit a snag when only one boy shows up for the audition!

Quotes

• “I really have dropped the ball on life lately, because I’m just constantly running to get a drink before we record.” (06:16-06:23 | Christi)
• “It was a little inappropriate for The View but GOD her body was bangin’.” (21:03-21:08 | Christi)
• “Abby bought these costumes on the streets of New York, and half of them we have on our own little booty tops or whatever that we wore to class. But it’s hysterical because I think she charged the production company $300 per costume! They were $10 each, maximum!” (35:04-35:22 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I will give Abby a compliment. I, to this day, love the fact that our kids know terminology and there’s a million people who do not, who are professional dancers!” (1:03:48-1:03:56 | Christi)

Links

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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“This is a drinky episode,” says Christi as she announces drink four only three lines into the first page of the "Candy Apple Showdown" notes. Though Bitch #1 and #2 are both incapable of drinking along this week, unfortunately for them this hulking two hours of an episode was just too much for one sitting, so they best prep themselves for when things get really dicey because The ALDC is back up against Cathy's Candy Apples and things are already off to a bumpy start.

Abby's stint hosting The View was fun, but it cut into group rehearsal time with competition only days away. So Abby's focus is of course solos, no need to get that potentially controversial "Kids with Guns" group dance in order! With everyone focusing on solos, Kelly takes Brooke to a music producer to start getting a leg up on her career. Afterwards the moms take all the girls out for ice skating in the city, but ice skating is one of Abby's explicitly prohibited activities and the fallout is something none of the kids want, but comply after undue pressure from the moms (Melissa even makes Maddie cry!).

Meanwhile tensions are growing between Kristie Ray and the other moms. First she doesn't allow Asia to skate with the girls and then she starts picking fights with Christie?! Even Cathy's camp is getting into shouting matches with one another! There's only one outcome to all this and it ain't looking pretty.

Quotes

• “I don’t know if I would take Abby’s evaluation of what’s appropriate for children to heart if you’re a parent. I don’t know if I would use that as my barometer.” (09:34-09:42 | Christi)
• “I really look back on Kristie now with hindsight, because I think in the moment we’re always just so like UGH whenever there’s a new person. I think that you and I could have really befriended her.” (15:56-16:07 | Christi)
• “I don’t understand why she thought that it was so wrong for a seven year old to cry? I don’t know. Maybe she went to the Abby Lee Miller school of parenting.” (35:37-35:45 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If you guys had seen that contract you’d die. You weren’t allowed to open candy during a theater performance. You’re not allowed to ice skate, roller skate and god you weren’t allowed to ski. I get skiing, but you weren’t allowed to bike. You weren’t allowed to do anything but dance!” (50:27-50:45 | Christi & Kelly)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"How does Abby get to call him an ass like that and then acted shocked when he responds back," wonders Christi as things begin to go downhill fast on the second half of "Candy Apple Showdown". With the ALDC arriving at the Masters of Dance Art Invitational, Kelly preps for what remains one of her worst Dance Mom memories.

Things get off to a rocky start with Cathy and Vivi M.I.A., so Abby has to start taunting Cathy's Dance Dads instead. But Dance Dad Rick's aggressive response to these gestures proves to be the first of many heated confrontations. Not too long after, Anthony accuses Christi of touching Candy Apples's props and gets a little too handsy. By the time Cathy returns she's making loudly clear with Anthony how poorly she believes Paige is performing during the Kids With Guns group number. Abby, overhearing these jabs, decides to make a spectacle of the situation and informs Paige directly what they were saying about her, and encourages her to stand up for herself.

It's a sad state of affairs this week; certainly going to need more than three beers for this episode.

Quotes

• “I knew exactly what it was [that Abby was referencing] and I was like oh I get it! But then I was like, did they show that? I don’t think so. You and I got it but nobody else did. Yeah. Well, story of our lives!” (09:29-09:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do you feel we always say the same stuff in every episode? Yes. Ok. Yes, yes yes yes.” (19:41-19:46 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do [Abby and Cathy] both like get along now? Yeah, but they were not always best friends. That to me is insane that people have the nerve to say that and act like they have authority. How many times did we sit there and have Abby hold up production because she did not want to be on camera with Cathy?” (24:30-24:48 | Christi)
• “I say in my interview that Paige and I came back because I wanted her to sit in the audience and show the adults that they can’t knock her down. Production made you say that, but go on. Yeah.” (32:30-32:34 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“God, the first statement [of the episode] irritated me” says Kelly as she straps in for "The Mother of All Specials", Dance Mom's own Mother's Day celebration. For a show with plenty of moms you'd imagine the producers could focus in on pretty much any one of them, and yet this is an Abby centric episode. As Abby says, "Whom knows more about being a mother than Abby Lee Miller?" As these Bitches would like to point out, Abby does not have kids! But Abby does have her own mother, Maryen Lorrain Miller, whom she heads out to visit as clips about motherhood from previous seasons play out with new Abby "insights".

We would sincerely like to know how much Abby was paid to say nice things, as she laboriously details how caring of a pseudo-mother she has been to the girls of the ALDC. She reframes past events where she was paid to be nice as signs of her benevolence, yet still manages too sprinkle a few insults towards Brooke in there.

Quotes

• “This teacher walked by because we have a director’s lounge…and she had a coffee cup. She walked by and I’m like, “I’m so glad you went to the director’s lounge!” and she looked at me and was like,”You know this isn’t coffee right?” Nobody ever has coffee in those. Fuck no! Not at 2 o’clock at a dance competition are you kidding?" (06:42-07:04 | Christi & Kelly)
• “They show Melissa pushing Abby in the pool, which I think is the best moment in my life. But did you notice that Melissa is the one they told to push her in the pool, because if I had pushed her into the pool she’d have probably killed me!” (18:07-18:20 | Kelly)
• “[Abby] says in her interview, “My mother showered her students with love and kindness. She’s a very giving woman and I think I picked up a few of those qualities to!” HA HA! Then they go to the one/only moment Abby ever did anything nice with our kids. And she did not set that up! She didn’t have anything to do with it other than getting paid.” (43:10-43:29 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I never wanted her to look back and be like, “Oh I didn’t get to go to my 8th grade farewell because you made me work!” Right. And you did do a good job of making sure they did that but it’s funny because it’s like: Well, she might have not gone to her 8th grade farewell, but she went to Teen Choice, you know!” (51:44-52:04 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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“This is not an opportunity to set the record straight, HERE is the opportunity now 10 years later to set the record straight,” explains Christi as even when the moms got to explain themselves, they were never REALLY allowed to. Consequently there's no hell for our Bitches quite like a Dance Mom's Reunion episode, and Season 3's "Tell All" is a two parter to make matters worse. It's always an excuse to get everyone riled up, and it riles these moms still a decade later. From the awkward stools the moms had to sit on to the bizarre choices made by hair and make-up, Christi and Kelly each despised the experience. Yet they also somehow managed to completely forget they fought in this episode, and over the same old-nothing argument they'd had earlier this season no less! Well... at least the girl's dances this week were pretty good?

Things get off to a rocky start with Abby immediately gunning for both Christi and Kelly, though saving her worst remarks for Chloe that contain a level of indecency that remain unmatched. Melissa and Jill receive softball questions, but Abby chastises Melissa for not allowing her wedding to be public and filmed for the show. Meanwhile Holly discusses Abby's fashion advice, which she admits is genuinely good. It's funny that Abby can't seem to take her own fashion advice, but at least she isn't dressed as badly as Cathy!

Quotes

• “I have deep-seated trauma any time I see anything that even looks like a reunion show. The minute I see a stage I want to vomit. Do you feel that way? Yes, and I want to vomit looking at us." (08:45-08:58 | Christi & Kelly)
• “She had to make sure [people knew that she had been] verbally assaulted and physically assaulted. But we were only allowed to say she was a bully.” (17:19-17:25 | Christi)
• “The audience says during the season [that] you said Kelly isn’t very bright. Do you still feel this way? Meanwhile it’s like Melissa did you buy your wedding dress and then this one is like do you think Kelly is a stupid motherfucker?” (37:17-37:29 | Christi)
• “Anybody who watched this show who thinks that Abby was not a horrible human-being to my daughter, watch that sentence! She said you don’t want me to call her stupid anymore instead of Chloe? I looked up other words: dim, dimwitted, half-wit I got lots of words. You fucking bitch.” (50:35-50:55 | Christi)

Links

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"On a regular Dance Moms episode you drink on a scale from one to five. A reunion is a one to ten scale," says Christi as the Bitches start the 2nd Part of Season 3's reunion special "Tell All". While it might be a pretty easy episode for Christi herself, there's still enough Abby depravity to go around!

Kristie Ray joins the discussion and goes on the offensive, taking the other moms to task for complaining about Asia crying. This is confusing to Jill as she professes that none of the moms care that Asia cries, only that they think it's weird it's being showcased as something to be ashamed of and that Asia isn't being held to the same standards as their own children. Abby and Kristie respond to the by calling Chloe a crybaby!

Soon Cathy joins the mix and things get heated quickly. Paige opts out of her solo performance so she can avoid dancing in front of Cathy, leading Kelly to take Cathy to task for her recent conduct at competition. Cathy can barely manage to defend herself before getting into an argument with Abby. Professionally speaking Abby doesn't handle it well. Tune-in to see what nice words Abby has for Cathy's mother!

Quotes

• “And did you notice through out the entire thing how much time they spent whispering to each other? No, you pay way too much attention. Well I’m trying to look for the little interesting things in the background so I stop paying attention first of all to my Miss Piggy curls, and second of all to the nonsense happening on stage that makes me want to poke my own eyes out!" (17:05-17:23 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby said the moms all think you and Asia are here for an ulterior motive. She was! She came because she had her own show and they were using our audience to elevate her on her platform!” (27:25-27:37 | Christi)
• “Jeff asks if [Melissa] is bothered by the fact that Sophia can out-spin Maddie? And at this point Jeff should have been removed from the stage immediately. Not only are you making millions of dollars of our trauma and dancing, but the fact you said spin vs turn? Stop talking.” (52:58-53:15 | Christi)
• “I cannot believe I’m the only mom who didn’t go to jail. Well I should say the only mom, I don’t think Holly went to jail. Wait…I don’t actually think a lot of people went to jail. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT WENT!” (1:03:59-1:04:09 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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“I’m ready to shoot myself” is not something you want to hear aloud too often, but this week our beloved Bitches find themselves repeating that A LOT as they struggle to get through what might the first episode to really push them over the edge. "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" is such a wild episode that this recording managed to be almost two hours long and we still only managed to cover half the episode!

Abby is unsurprisingly upset with the ALDC after losing again to Cathy and spends Pyramid calling Kendall a crybaby, pretending Nia mad a ton of mistakes for some reason, and somehow complimenting Brooke but still placing her on the bottom. She singles out Paige with praise for standing up to Cathy and Anthony... even though Abby made her do that and still somehow victim blames her for letting it happen?

Abby assigns Brooke to the Senior Group to join their upcoming performance. Kelly worries Brooke is being set-up to fail as Brooke hasn't received the same year of prep the rest of the group has had. Jill takes offense to Kelly being "ungrateful" and tattles to Abby about it! And yet somehow Kelly and Christi are the ones who end up in a huge fight about it?!

Quotes

• “I’ll do a reenactment of Chloe when she got home at 2:45 or 3:00 AM. Really?! Yeah. Ugh those bad girls, I wonder where they get that from? I don’t know." (7:57-8:08 | Christi & Kelly)
• “[Cathy] says Gino has been texting Maddie and Cathy can’t have any of her dancers fraternizing with her enemies. This is stupid. Just making sure that we all think this is stupid. We all think this is stupid? Yeah. Cause like what are they saying to each other?” (29:15-29:31 | Christi)
• “This could possibly be one of the lines, that if we had to wrap all of the problems up of Dance Moms in one sentence, it could potentially be this line. She’s like you’re skinny, you’re blonde and you’re pretty. You’re telling me no one at school hates you? Wake-up! It’s psychotic!” (43:17-43:38 | Christi)
• “You take the coffee cup, you [flip it] upside down and are tapping the bottom. And I’m like you get that drip girl, you get that last drip out of there! I fucking rewound it three times. I was laughing so hard and you getting that last drop of “coffee” on your tongue, like I HAVE to chug this coffee cup. It was amazing.” (54:44-55:08 | Christi)

Links

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What could have ticked Kelly off enough to once say, “I always knew in the back of my head that the day would come where Christ would stab me in the back, and you know what? She did...”? If you ask either Kelly or Christi now they'd be hard pressed to give you an answer! It's time once again for Christi and Kelly to be fighting one another for some reason as the second half of "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" just about has everyone up in arms.

Jill still believes Kelly is taking the opportunity Abby has given Brooke for granted, but Kelly is still worried about what Abby has in store for her daughter. What she might not have expected was Abby setting Brooke up on a date with her fellow senior dancer Kevin. For all the talk about "No Boys Allowed", Abby sure seems to love to make exceptions.

Jill also starts a spat with Cathy as the ALDC arrives at competition, which only manages to worsen Cathy's already fragile state as Anthony has continued to increase tensions over at their own studio. Mickey is strongly considering transferring Gino to the ALDC, and Cathy could seemingly care less whether any of her dancers stick around.

But how do Jill and Kelly end up fighting? Are these Bitches still going on about not calling that one time? Somethings never change it seems, though stick around for a rare moment of Abby being unambiguously nice for once!

Quotes

• “[Abby] says I think Kevin could charm the pants off of anyone. He’s quite demure for a teenager. Ok, it is a little unnerving that Abby just said a 17 year old could charm the pants right off of anybody… He’s a minor Abby settle down!" (12:06-12:31 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I’m in my interview and I say this is the worst fight we’ve ever been in. Are friendship will never be the same after some of these things. You know what’s the funniest part about that? You ready? Neither of us remember this fight.” (21:06-21:22 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Let’s just drink, Cathy’s gonna wear fur in the next scene. Oh yay. Between Cathy and Jill I’m going to become an alcoholic. Ha, THAT’S the reason.” (28:18-28:27 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby says that they look “leggy” which is good. They were leggy. They were fucking eleven! Eleven year olds are leggy. Their legs are the only part of them that grow.” (40:51-41:00 | Christi)

Links

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“This is like Top of the Pyramid for Suckular behavior,” says Christi as things really do suck on "Two Girls, One Solo". First of all, what sicko thought it was ok to name the episode THAT!? There are children here! Second, this episode is easily in Christi's Top 3 worst Dance Mom experiences so you know it's a rough one.

Abby preps the next "powerful" group number, one that's dedicated to those living with cancer. It's a subject she cares about deeply, having lost her father to cancer. It hits especially close to home for Melissa who also lost her mother... but for some reason the show also wants to convince you that Kelly's dad died as well? Is this about Kelly's fight with Christi somehow?

Meanwhile Abby decides to pit Maddie and Chloe against each other by giving them the same solo to perform. Christi notes this isn't fair to Chloe who isn't receiving secret training the way Maddie is, but Abby could care less. When Abby's little ploy doesn't go as planned, she takes matters into her own hands. Tune-in to hear the full story of what the cameras didn't show.

Quotes

• “Let’s just say Two Girls, One Solo/Two Girls, One Cup… whoever named this is an actual degenerate of society. How dare you name a show with children Two Girls, One Solo. How dare you." (6:02-6:21 | Christi)
• “We have to take a drink, because I think that is the nicest Abby has ever been to our three kids. Holy shit, and she smiled at me! The apocalypse is coming. Cheers!” (18:46-18:58 | Christi & Kelly)
• “When Asia was like, ‘My dad’s dog, Diablo, died before I was born,’” I hit the floor. Like I can’t believe [she said that], and she was so sincere about it… She talked about that dying dog before. No, that was her crying because she wanted a puppy and Kristie Ray wouldn’t let her have a puppy; you’re getting your dogs mixed up. Oh, she likes to cry over dogs though.” (45:31-45:58 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Jill and I found your [Melissa] daughter learning her dance [outside of normal hours] and she was like, ‘Fuck you, you know nothing.’” Because I was like, ‘She learned the dance last week.’” How about Abby going, ‘What difference does it make? You ll know damn well Maddie can learn the dance in one hour and go out there and do it,” … Then why are you teaching her the week before everyone else?!” (54:47-55:07 | Christi)

Links

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“You were in Aruba and I had to work on my vacation, so I deserved a coffee cup,” Kelly says as she reflects on how unfair it was that even though the moms were ostensibly promised time off while Abby was filming Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, she still got stuck being a stooge for the production this week while Christi enjoyed some R&R. Season 3's "An Apple a Day Keeps Abby Away" doesn't quite shake the ALDC entirely, but it's a Candy Apples centric episode this week as the producers see if Cathy might be able to sustain her own spin-off (spoilers she didn't).

The episode begins with Abby in Los Angeles searching for a new location for her LA studio. Not content to leave the moms with nothing to do, she send Kelly, Jill and Holly to spy on Cathy's team in order to see what she's up to. Cathy meanwhile is bringing on new talent to try and round out her team with recruits Hadley Walts, Mari Dudash and Campbell Reynolds. We also see the return of Nicaya and Black Patsy, who are ready to go toe to toe with the ALDC once more. It's a volatile mix of people that the producers hope will lead to some drama, or at the very least Black Patsy assaulting Jill's nose?

Quotes

• “Yes, I think Maddie and Mackenzie would follow you [Abby] to LA because you’re looking out for them! I don’t think we’d even be asked. Wait, last week you sabotaged my daughter at a local dance competition and you think I’m going to go to LA with you and trust you? Ok!" (24:57-25:15 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If anybody is going to get my little girl known and get the doors open for her it’s Cathy. Ooorrr maybe it’s Dance Moms. I mean it’s just a guess. Just a thought. Yeah I’m thinking it’s Dance Moms.” (32:22-32:36 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Well we’re all talking about Abby abandoning her studio in Pittsburgh but that’s all she ever wanted. Yeah I don’t know why she ever started one there. You have a point. You know like she never wanted to be there; she was always like she should be in New York or LA and training people to be on Broadway and all that. Like I don’t know why she stayed in Pittsburgh so long.” (51:07-51:31 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I just need to point out that not everyone missed Abby. I didn’t miss her at all. I didn’t miss her at all either. I’m sure my kids didn’t either. ” (1:23:56-1:24:03 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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On this special episode of Back to the Barre, Christi and Kelly invite you to join them live from Mom's Weekend at Ohio University for a moderated Q&A in front of a nearly 1000 person crowd! With so many great questions from both the moderators and the audience, it only seemed fit to share them with our little Bitchettes as we're certain you've all been dying to ask some of these questions yourself! Like what do Christi and Kelly think of the Jojo Siwa rebranding? Do they care about the Jojo Siwa rebranding? Do they even really know Jojo Siwa? There are also many non-Jojo Siwa related questions that are certain to spill the tea you're searching for.

Quotes

• “I just want everyone in this room to realize that we understand that Dance Moms would never be made today and the things I said on national television would not fly, ok? We apologize. We know that. We understand that it's problematic on many levels. Ok, you're the ones who keep replaying it." (7:09-7:27 | Christi & Kelly)
• “We knew that we could get mad at each other and that it was going to be ok. I think we all felt that way, all the moms on the show. Like we would fight with Melissa and everybody's like how does Melissa even talk to you guys, you were so mean? It's like if you have a sister. You fight with your sister and you hate her one second, but then like the next day you're going to be best buddies.” (22:21-22:45 | Christi & Kelly)
• “It was a top secret thing. Even the crew didn't know I was coming back!... If you ask the moms you know what they thought that they were waiting for? They thought they were waiting for a cake. There like we thought we were getting a cake because we won.” (36:34-37:01 | Christi)
• “Oh my god The Amazing Race. I actually applied for Kelly and I to be on The Amazing Race. I probably would have died. We would have both died!” (51:50-51:59 | Christi & Kelly)

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"I could watch a 24 hour live stream of the shit that Cathy and Vivi talk about," remarks Christi as Season 3's "No Room for Rotten Apples" is another Cathy-centric episode. It's not the most eventful of affairs as the producers even included an inordinate amount of dance footage this week to compensate, but what is there is... deeply weird. For example: Cathy puts Vivi in charge of cataloguing her entire collection of ceramic bunnies. Why? Who knows!

Cathy introduces The Apple Tree, her Cathy-themed replacement for Pyramid, and Jalen and Mari are squarely at the bottom. If they don't shape up during this week's competition in Columbus, Cathy is threatening to remove one of them from the team. Why does she need to cut anyone though? She has an ideal seven kids to match Abby, is this a production developed conflict? To make the conflict extra needless, Cathy insists that Jalen perform his first contemporary and triple pirouette, something Jalen isn't remotely ready to pull off. The undue extra attention on Jalen's teaching starts to upset Mari's mother, who is worried her daughter will be comparatively unprepared for her solo. It's up to Anthony to prep them both, but the best he can do is give Mari a literal panic attack!

Meanwhile Abby continues filming for Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, bringing Maddie out to LA to perform a solo. But where is the rest of the ALDC? Tune-in to find out how Maddie really ended up solo.

Quotes

• “Paige heard [the crew] talking about Menage a Trois’ and Paige was like ‘Oh my mom loves that.’” She meant the wine, they meant something else." (6:05-6:15 | Kelly)
• “On her podcast, Abby said something nice about Kelly and I. Now guys, there was a freaking solar eclipse this week, so clearly everything is out of alignment.” (18:20-18:30 | Christi)
• “[Anthony] says that she hired him because of his resume so she needs to let him work. I’m pretty sure that she didn’t hire him. Well he’s related to Jimmy Chriss. WHAT?! I did not know that. How do you know that? Because I hate the guy.” (51:46-52:07 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Poop turds?! I’m like who’s poop turds?! And then she’s always on us about being classless and I’m like you just said the word poop turds on national television, and now I’ve said poop turds on our podcast 87 times. ” (1:07:08-1:07:21 | Christi)

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"My obnoxious level in this episode escalates very quickly," notes Christi as before "Dance Moms Chatter Part 1" can even begin she's already pretty drunk. But in a rare occurrence, Christi and Kelly don't have to hide their booze in coffee cups because this week, martini glasses are out in the open! With Jeff Collins moderating it's clip-show week on Dance Moms with special guests Patsy, internet blogger Nadine Rajabi and comedian Lisa Arch. Christi is famously not a fan of these episodes as it served as little more than an excuse to get replay value out of their fights and trauma, but this week at least it appears Christi simply was too drunk. The amount of "Amen to that!" coming from Christi is enough to make anyone cringe, but especially Christi.

Segments include a Dance Moms trivia contest between the guests, with Jeff shilling out all of $10 for the winner! Plus what would a Jeff Collins hosted talk show be without some classic Jeff "comedy". We also get some quality hot-takes, like who Patsy thinks the biggest crybaby is on Dance Moms. However, do Christi and Kelly find themselves wishing they had made more of a connection with Patsy? Could she have been the ally against Abby they needed all along? Also is Kelly wearing Christi's clothes!?

Quotes

• “Ok, my dress was ugly. You were wearing an ugly dress but it was my dress so it’s double ugly." (8:37-8:42 | Christi)
• “All of these compilations where it’s back to back… and I’m like oh my god that’s hard to watch: That’s exactly what the clip show is like. When I say the clip shows are hard for me to do it’s because that’s all it was. It was every freaking fight back to back to back. So there was no breathing in-between. It was go from one fight to the next fight and it was so aggressive.” (24:54-25:20 | Christi)
• “I love how foul language is Abby’s barometer for bad behavior. No you don’t use foul language, you just torture children.” (29:55-30:02 | Christi & Kelly)
• “And you’re like can I get an amen! What is wrong with me!? What is wrong with me? Please someone muzzle the blonde. In the Big Bird dress. It’s terrible.” (1:01:31-1:01:45 | Christi & Kelly)

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“You get so much accomplished without ever moving all that much. God he keeps bringing that up!” Christi and Kelly note as even the guests struggle to breath life into "Dance Moms Chatter: Part 2". Although Abby is still in LA filming Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, she stuck around long enough for a sit down talk with Melissa, Jeff, guest comedian Alec Mapa and blogger Nadine Rajabi. But unlike last week where the producers could bring out Black Patsy and showcase drama clips in an attempt to enrage Chrisiti and Kelly into beefing, they can't go after Abby!

What remains is the guests attempting to drum up some fun with pre-scripted humor, which just can't compare to that off-the-cuff savagery of our Bitches! No attempts are made to engage with Abby's behavior or question Melissa at all. Instead we're presented with such colorful conversations as whose the worst dressed, which results in Abby somehow picking Kelly!? Even Christi will be the first to admit she dressed much worse than Kelly, and that's not even mentioning Jill!

Quotes

• “And Brooke is buying for everybody at the bar. Well that’s because we have a per diem. So Brooke is like I’m buying everyone here a drink and I’m like it’s on Lifetime. Finally after all these years it’s on Lifetime!" (7:34-7:46 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I really, to this day, would love a download of what the rules of the Bible Game are. Exactly! I don’t know there was a Bible Game! Let’s play the Bible Game! What are the rules? I’m willing to play I just need to know the rules!” (18:11-18:29 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Have you ever met someone who is more observant of your face than Jill Vertes? No. Cathy always pointed out shit on our faces too. Jill took it to another level. Jill would be like, “Christi, you have one eyebrow about a third of the way in, one centimeter down that needs plucking.”’ She probably hates looking at me!” (36:33-36:59 | Christi & Kelly)
• “We were talking at the bar about how we knew if you had pick-ups because they made you use words that weren’t in your vocabulary. I tell you that all the time! I know it and your kids know it too. What’s with all this talking about me at the bar? Who all is there and why are you all talking about me? Listen it was fun. I’m sure it was for you.” (52:15-52:38 | Christi & Kelly)

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“This next scene is genuinely one of the wildest scenes I’ve ever seen on television. I cannot believe the words that are going to come out of Melissa’s mouth,” notes Christi as Abby's long not-awaited return to the ALDC heralds just as much drama as one would fear on "Tap Versus Hip Hop". If Pyramid weren't enough to dredge back up the Chloe loosing to Maddie debacle from the previous competition, Abby once again pits the two girls against one another with dueling solos. While Maddie gets a tap number that plays to her strengths, Chloe gets saddled with a Hip hop dance that is practically doomed form the get-go.

The moms fume over Melissa's betrayal of their oath not to let their kids appear of AUDC, but Melissa plays dumb and acts as if anyone would have accepted the offer. Christi flys a little to close to the sun with her insults and brings out the worst in Melissa, who starts making outlandish claims about how the other moms treat her children. Melissa often finds success by getting on Abby's good side, but when Maddie underperforms ever so slightly at competition, it becomes clear that Melissa has a limit to what she'll tolerate.

Quotes

• “This episode was filmed the first week in June. It aired in July. That is a fast turnover. We are now like only a month out from release. That is insane!" (15:11-15:25 | Christi)
• “I need to chug and do shots. [Abby] is not only wearing a headband, she’s wearing a headband with fake bangs attached. No! Yes, that are not the same color as her hair. Oh my god I missed it. It’s like a big swoop, like a big curtain and it doesn’t look like real hair at all. It looks like plastic barbie hair.” (39:12-39:35 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby says to Melissa, “This is why kids need to be homeschooled, Mackenzie is ridiculous!”’ Because of recess! And guess what? In about three months? [Maddie and Mackenzie] are homeschooled. That was probably Mackenzie’s last day of school.” (46:45-46:59 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby reminds [the girls] that this is there first competition back since she was filming AUDC, and she’s like don’t let me regret coming home. Meanwhile we’re all thinking you can go back. Go ahead! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. See ya!” (1:04:19-1:04:35 | Kelly)

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"We want to know how long it's going to take for somebody to come and try and arrest us. Wouldn't that be hysterical if we got arrested here? It would be a full circle moment and obviously about a decade in the making," our lovely Bitches observe as they reunite in person for a visit back to the old ALDC studio (wine bottle in hand and 100% not trespassing in any way) to cover Season 3's "Abby's So Far This Season..."

Yes, it's yet another another recap episode! Why wasn't this aired after the Chatter episodes instead of just one episode after resuming normal episodes? Your guess is as good as ours! These episodes aren't notoriously well liked, but this one does offer the rare opportunity to see extended dance sequences in full, which includes some of Paige's best moves that Lifetime never bothered showing the first time around.

Quotes

• “If I see Abby zoom by in her wheelchair while we're filming... It'll be the best day of my life. Yeah but it's also going to be the end of mine cause I'm gonna drop dead. I''m filming her. I will figure out how to work my phone, and I will not even let it be blurred!" (9:12-9:29 | Christi & Kelly)
• “[On SNL] the old Jojo and the new Jojo are talking about her being bad. She's like,"I was out all night doing bad things.'" That would be us! We're out there too Jojo. We're doing bad girls things right now except it's sunny not dark. We're daytime bad girls!” (23:12-23:38 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby says,"Jill what were you thinking? She is a member of this team. Jill, you need to act like a lady!'" Do ladies pour a tomato soup can in their Chinese beef and broccoli? Do ladies throw chairs at children? Do ladies empty out their purse and find weird cookies? Do ladies leave whole Big Macs under their chair? We could keep going, but we don't have that much time Christi!” (31:50-32:18 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do you really think Gino really has what it takes to be Maddie's partner? I don't know but let Gino prove his dancing ability, he shouldn't be having his daddy doing the work for him.'" Have you seen Gino dance as an adult? ... I have no words. It's so fucking good, I cannot. (Proceeds to play video) It is one fo the best dances I've ever seen, so it's really funny when they say Gino needs to prove himself. I'm like dude!” (40:54-42:38 | Christi & Kelly)

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"We're not three minutes in and I want to puke," groans Christi as Dance Moms moves away from recaps and back into the thick of it with "Recital Rebellion". It's time once again for the annual ALDC recital and, in the intervening weeks since filming, it seems that something has gone amiss because even before Pyramid begins its clear everyone is on edge. No one more-so than Kelly, who is immediately greeted with Paige being placed at the bottom of the Pyramid for a minor error. When Kelly points out Maddie wouldn't have been held to such a standard, Abby punishes Paige by making her the only child who has to learn a new solo for the recital. This outrages Kelly as it's a clear attack against her daughter, but Abby won't budge. Consequently Kelly pulls her daughters from the recital, resulting in Abby staging a scene demanding another child take Paige's place, which nobody wants to do (so of course she has Maddie take it).

Admits the prep for the recital Abby gifts the girls pieces from her new clothing line. Christi notes this is less of a gift and more of "Free Abby Promotion" with the girls as her billboards. The girls in turn also compete for the cover of Dance Track Magazine, which despite Abbys best efforts to skew the costume choices, doesn't go to a Ziegler for once! Plus can Jill make Pyramid with her own recital performance? Tune-in to find out!

Quotes

• “It's season 3 episode 30. It's fucking episode 30, like how many episodes is this god forsaken season?" (26:55-27:02 | Christi)
• “There's something coming up that I say and I would never say those words in my life. It was the stupidest thing I ever heard. I sound like a doofus when I say it. I'm like who wrote that? I must have been tired. Either that or drunk! I'll say it I'm drunk! Whatever you need me to say, can I go home?” (46:04-46:25 | Christi & Kelly)
• “You're out! Call the cops! Why? What did you do? Hey but I got a cute haircut! Look for the one with cute trendy haircut! It's really cute, long in the front and short in the back. Oh gosh now I'm going to be bald. It'll be like go find the bald lady.” (1:08:18-1:08:35 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I love that you said just improve. What?! How do I sign up for this kind of treatment? I know! Like where is the line? I wanna sign my name on it!” (1:25:07-1:25:19 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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"We're not going to lose to that evil woman. I'm the only evil woman in your life. Well that's for sure." jokes Kelly while enjoying the fact she's still in exile during this week's episode. As "Clash of the Dance Moms" kicks off Abby is makes her disdain for Kelly's absence abundantly clear as Paige and Brooke are slotted at the bottom of the pyramid. With Kelly unable to criticize Abby, attention turns to Holly who is upset at Nia's middling placement on the Pyramid. Holly says she believes Nia is not receiving the attention from Abby that she needs to excel the way Abby insists that she wants, though Abby's attention is a double edged sword and our Bitches wonder if Holly isn't quite thinking through what might happen.

This week's competition pits the ALDC against Cathy and Abby is taking no chances. For the group dance Abby gets ambitious and choreographs a piece entitled "Open Waters" which will require a prop shoreline that the girls will have to dance around. If they're not going to use it why bother with the stress of it? The creative direction leaves the moms somewhat in the cold, and Kelly's absence continues to add to the confusion of the group direction. To fill in the Kelly filled-hole in the group, Abby brings in Leslie and her daughter Payton, which of course "excites" everyone! But with Black Patsy back on the Candy Apples side, it might be useful to have a little Leslie in your corner.

Quotes

• “Well I don't think you look sick. I think you look like a bitch. Why thank you. Thank you. I am Bitch #2!” (15:04-15:09 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I'm telling you like as somebody who was there you saw 1/100th of the fight. That fight was scary. (...) I really thought it was going to be physical. Like truly scary like physical.” (20:58-21:24 | Christi)
• “If I had a drink I would drink for contradiction. I don't have a drink! Ugh, well I'm not drinking that protein shot. Haven't opened it yet. Sorry, I'm ignoring all headbands because I do not want to drink that shit." (26:47-27:03 | Christi & Kelly)
• “So upstairs you and Holly comment on the group and how difficult it is trying to figure out what Abby is trying to portray. Yeah because it was stupid." (47:12-47:22 | Christi & Kelly)

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"Crabapples? I wonder how many things we can say that's not Candy Apples? We really go for it." observes Christi as the second half of "Clash of the Dance Moms" boils down to quite a lot of name calling and not much else. This week the ALDC is competing at Believe National Talent Competition in Lancaster, PA with Payton and Leslie filling in for the Hylands. Leslie is gunning for a permanent position, dragging Kelly's name through the mud every chance she gets and keeps reminding eveyroen to imagine a world in which she's a permanent ALDC fixture. While the insults to Kelly are music to Abby's ears, the rest of the ALDC unsurprisingly feels different as the only thing Payton brings to the table is sass, and they already don't need more of that! Even Abby's patiences gets tested by Payton's when the young dancer is revealed to be unprepared with her costuming, something Kelly and her girls rarely ever dropped the ball on.

Anthony and Cathy continue to bicker over in the Candy Apples camp. Anthony threatens to leave if Cathy doesn't give him his space, he wants to insult her dancers as he sees fit. The show brings out Anthony's mother to admonish all those who would insult her son for his actions, expertly ignoring how vitriolic he is to everyone else. If there's one thing in Season 3 that continues to be annoying above all else it's Anthony being cruel and suffering no consequences for it!

Tune-in to find out which fight this week was A LOT more tense in-person.

Quotes

• “I just had another fraternity check-in next door. That's crazy. I don't understand why boys like pink houses. I don't know either. I'm telling you they're looking for Dance Mom Christi. They're gonna have to keep looking cause I'm not hanging out with fraternity boys. That sound illegal on a lot of levels.” (1:21-1:38 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I love that I'm not in this episode. I just get to listen to you be the bitch this whole time!” (21:42-21:46 | Kelly)
• “Anthony warns Cathy that he can just leave and that half of her team would follow him if he did. I highly doubt that they would leave a TV show to follow you." (27:27-27:36 | Kelly)
• “No the competition is not fixed, but every judge that's rating the kids liked our kids because they liked them on Dance Moms. So was it fixed? No. Was it fair? No!" (42:28-42:42 | Christi)

Links

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"What do we do with [Broadway Baby]? Put a Big Mac inside of her!" jokes Kelly as after many months of waiting Abby finally is reunited with Broadway Baby's stuffed corpse on "The Dancing Dead". But as Christi and Kelly point out, it's pretty obvious that Broadway Baby got a bit more than a facelift at the taxidermist. While the show notes Baby has a new set of eyes, the fur looks remarkable whiter than when Baby was alive! If the fur isn't even Baby's... could you even call this Broadway Baby at all? Abby decides Baby needs a proper-Abby sanctioned tribute dance and bestows Nia with her first solo in many months, though with choreography that has Nia literally bouncing around on her butt it isn't exactly the comeback Holly hoped for.

Kelly makes her contractually mandated return this week as she "invites" the moms over to her house, with the exception of Melissa who is intentionally left out over her most recent actions over the break. While the moms can't convince Kelly to bring her kids back yet, she does "agree" to join the team on their trip to Xpression Dance Competition in Florida. Of course this doesn't sit well with Abby, who decides the best course of action is to block Kelly from sitting down during the show. Kelly responds in-kind by standing next to Abby for four hours, a full on Mexican standoff.

Elsewhere Kristie Ray begins to prep for Raising Asia and starts to stir the pot as best she can, even though as far as the other moms can tell she has no reason to do so!

Quotes

• “I swear to god I thought that was Abby. Just for a second I looked, did you see me get really scared? Oh my god I would die. Well they said she wasn't here not long ago. And you're like, 'Today?!' No not today.'” (4:53-5:02 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I say, 'I'm on the verge of needing a drink.' We're always on the verge of needing a drink. At this point I'm on the verge of needing it intravenous! Hey I got a port!'” (26:07-26:19 | Christi & Kelly)
• “They bring in broadway baby. That has new fur! That is not that baby's fur. No. I think it's like when someone switches a baby at the hospital, someone switched that dead dog!" (34:30-34:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If you ever want to see Kelly dance just AI her, cause she can't dance if there isn't choreography." (1:04:13-1:04:17 | Christi)

Links

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"This was the greatest moment in Dance Moms history as far as I was concerned." exclaims Christi since Abby is away "with her mother" and Gia is left in charge on "Gone, Abby Gone". There isn't even a Pyramid this week, how could this not be the best week ever? Cause Abby still found a way to make it awful! But most of that wasn't shown on camera, so prepare for a lot of 4th wall breaking to find out what really went down that Fourth of July weekend in 2013.

Kelly is contractually forced to bring her kids back to the studio. The show frames this situation as Kelly sneaking-in her kids while Abby is away, just to get Brooke that solo she 100% wants. This immensely upsets Leslie, who is convinced Kelly has it out for Payton and fears they will be kicked to the curb if Kelly returns. A feud begins to quickly fuel between the two moms, though Kelly doesn't have anything against Payton in reality, so it's rather one sided. Kelly takes the bold step to call Abby and request a solo for Brooke, to which Abby informs Gia that if Brooke is given a solo she'll be fired. Gia downplays the situation and gives Brooke a solo to practice, knowing what may come of it. To add insult to injury it's far and away the worst choreography Brooke has ever been given. When Abby calls in to give the Hylands a piece of her mind, she crosses a line with Brooke that suspiciously didn't make it to air.

Christi also takes the crown for "Worst Dance Moms Outfit". So tune-in to hear Christi relive the horror of it all!

Quotes

• “Paris Hilton's book... and she refers to us in there! Oh yeah, about how ugly our clothes are. It's not Dance Moms level ugly? Ok Paris fuck off! Shut up! I mean maybe...” (8:39-8:51 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Every time you show up Payton gets kicked back off the team. But that's not my fault. That's a TV show, there's only so many spots!” (26:23-26:29 | Christi & Kelly)
• “So you're in your white minivan with your bar of clothes in the back and they came up. Walk me through it. Were they like you need to ask for a solo? Absolutely. None of us wanted a solo. None of us wanted to even be back." (30:16-30:27 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Let's take a poll. Do you think it's hoodlum if you say the F-word or do you think you're a hoodlum if you break a beer bottle on someone's face?" (42:08-42:16 | Christi)

Links

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"If we're being honest, you cannot script Abby," admits Christi as she tries to articulate why Dance Moms was such a success and Dance Moms: Miami only ran one season. It's one of the many topics discussed on this week's bonus Q&A episode! If you're a member of the Back to the Barre Patreon then you already know it's the best place to get your questions answered directly by Christi and Kelly, but not ever listener is a subscriber! We thought what better way to wrap up this 4th of July holiday weekend than to give the main feed a little taste of what they're missing with a whole Q&A episode!

What was the process like for filming dances? Were the dances really recorded twice, how did that work? Will the production ever release the unedited footage of Abby and Kelly's fight? Speaking of which, where did the girls go when fights were happening between the Moms and Abby? Were they whisked away and unaware of what was happening?

Tune-in to find out the answers to these questions and more!

Quotes

• “Because it's a holiday week... and there's a lot going on... and we didn't really want to watch Dance Moms! We both called each other cause we were supposed to be filming and, ugh, I didn't watched it yet!” (1:51-2:08 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Remember Brooke didn't know like half the things that happened with us and we didn't know half the things that happened with them. You know I think when we were fighting at the studio and they were around, they would take them to the bathroom I remember a lot.” (13:56-14:09 | Kelly)
• “You know my kids say I'm scary. Like when they would bring friends and boyfriends over they were always very quite and my kids were always like, 'They're afraid of you.' do you think they're afraid of you because of the show? Yeah! They're certainly weren't afraid of me in real life, I'm not scary.'" (21:49-22:03 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I need to know if there is something in the water in Pittsburgh cause there's some crazy bitches all in one condensed area. We are nuts." (40:00-40:07 | Christi)

Links

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"They always blame everything on me. Like Abby being there is because of me? I had to be there. I was forced to come back!" Kelly notes for what increasingly feels like the millionth time as the show attempts to use Kelly and her kids as drama fodder on "On-Again, Off-Again Abby". Abby is still out for the week but makes a special appearance at the ALDC to present Kelly with a threat. Abby doesn't want Kelly there, but if she "insists" then Abby promises to work her children to the bone with new solos every week. That of course never happened, so all this meeting accomplished was scaring Brooke and Paige over the fact they have a mom whom Abby dislikes. And just as soon as she's in the episode, Abby disappears once more. She doesn't even show up for competition, which while rude is still a very much welcome break from the madness.

Meanwhile Melissa is fretting over whether Abby will select her kids for Nationals. It doesn't matter that it's the producer's call who actually goes, Melissa sneaks off to discuss the matter with Abby privately. Though Maddie's spot is confirmed, Melissa tries to play coy with the other moms. To what end? Who knows, it's not as if anybody thought Maddie wouldn't be going.

Cathy's Candy Apples are back, thankfully sans Anthony. In his place to stir up some trouble is Hadley's mom Yvette, who is gunning to climb the ranks as a choreographer. Although she puts her best foot forward, Cathy ends up getting credit for all of this week's choreography which leads to Yvette having a meltdown at competition. It does beg the question though, "Do you really want to be considered the next Anthony?"

Quotes

• “There is a producer who said, and it's kinda cruel, but they were like, "Remember when Mrs. Miler was dying for like 18 episodes and every episode was saying she was going to die this week and then she said no and kept living. Like what do we do?'" (15:51-16:03 | Christi)
• “You know I wouldn't know what an AMF is. I never even knew what LOL was until recently.” (21:54-22:00 | Kelly)
• “'I might just be allergic to something. You're allergic to Dance Moms. It's not your comfort show it's your trigger." (43:08-43:13 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Nevermind. I was going to say she's so nervy, but I'm about to be a giant bitch coming up so nevermind." (1:13:40-1:13:52 | Christi)

Links

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"Who would take their child to a dance class that, when the dance teacher tells you to do something, you have a fucking panic attack?" asks Kelly as she reflects on the moment she finally reached the end of her rope with Dance Moms on "Divas Las Vegas". While the show attempted to tie off the proceedings with a small moment of Abby being kind, Kelly knew she was done by the end of this week's competition in Las Vegas.

True to her word last week, Abby gives both Brooke and Paige solos. However, she will not be doing the choreography. Those duties will be taken up by choreographer Ricky Palomino. The issue is Abby is clearly resentful of Ricky's presence as, despite what they claim in the episode proper, Ricky's involvement was a Lifetime decision to give Paige and Brooke someone to work with who wouldn't just openly sabotage them. So Abby sets about singling out Kelly's daughters, designing an impromptu test for all the girls to solo perform their section of the group routine. Paige doesn't take well to the proceedings and ends up having a panic attack, noting that while she likes the ALDC she doesn't like Abby.

Paige's high anxiety carries over into the competition where even during her own solo she can't manage to shake off the undue stress Abby has placed on her. She fails to complete her performance and Abby puts Paige on blast to the entire audience. This does not sit well with Kelly, whose finally been pushed to the edge one time too many.

Quotes

• “A typhoon Vegas! And me and you are [stuck] in the restaurant eating salt! Pure salt. We were literally eating a salt sampler. It was so good!" (6:17-6:30 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Watch the cracks when you step on the sidewalk. Remember, step on a crack and you break your mothers back. Like I don't understand what that had to do with anything? I think she's on crack!” (21:03-21:13 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Abby was screaming at me mid-shit. Horrible." (25:22-25:26 | Christi)
• “You were no longer an ALDC member, neither was I. We never signed the contract. We would brign our kids to rehersal as far as dance Moms stuff, and I think they took a handful of classes here and there, but we weren't going to that studio because whent he crew wasn't there the kids had literally no protection from her." (51:41-42:04 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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"I don't even know what episode it is. Season 3 Episode 36? There's so many episodes in Season 3, who thought this was a good idea!" exclaims Christi as it is indeed Episode 36 "Do-Si-Do and Do-Si-Don't". In order to stretch the season out as much as possible this week, Abby threatens that the girl's performance at In10sity Dance Buffalo Invitational will determine if they go to nationals or not. This is weird for many reasons. For one it's pretty clear who will and won't be going already, but also as long as you have money pretty much anyone can go! But we need to stretch out the Mackenzie and Asia rivalry just a teensy bit more to get people invested in Raising Asia, so the pressure is on.

Abby reveals that Dance Spirit Magazine is looking to highlight one of the girls to showcase what the day in the life of an ALDC member is really like. Of course the girls they select is Maddie, though a little prodding by Jill reveals it was Abby who actually insisted on Maddie. Jill sporadicly shows up at Melissa's house during the photoshoot to try and convince the magazine to feature Kendall, though her persistence is met with annoyed looks. Jill gets a minor win when Kendall is paired up with Maddie for a duet, though Holly seems confused as to why Jill is excited at all.

Jill knack for the spotlight continues at competition where she dawns full cowboy gear in honor of the country themed group dance and does a little dance, "Mackenzie taught her". Oh Jill, never change (maybe take off the chaps).

Quotes

• “Hylands in their permanent spot [on the Pyramid]! I just never realized how much at the bottom they were. Oh it's always. And what's funny about it is Holly always talks about how Nia was at the bottom of the Pyramid. No, it was Paige and Brooke." (10:20-10:35 | Christi & Kelly)
• “She is saying insane things to the children. Although at this point our kids aren't even phased. Uh uh, I don't think they are. I think it goes in one ear and out the other” (12:40-12:50 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If you ever got called into that studio by yourself, it was an instant vomit trigger." (29:16-29:22 | Christi)
• “Boy Christi, you're going to fuck it all up in Jackson Square next week, no need to worry. Throwing your drink! Ugh, what a waste of a good hurricane." (35:51-36:06 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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“We are doing an episode this week that I have been dreading for 12 years," mourns Christi as she can't wait any longer now that the ALDC is finally heading to nationals once more! It's been a long and arduous Season 3, but it all comes to a head on "The Big, Not So, Easy". Fair warning: this episode has a lot to take in so it's a two parter. Don't yell at us we've warned you!

Nationals are being held in New Orleans so the ALDC settles into Off Broadway Dance Studio (or at lease a place nearby) to prepare. Things get off to a rocky start with the final Pyramid of the season. Payton is included even though she hadn't competed in the week prior, and even more baffling is the fact bellow her is Kendall who's duet was last week's standout performance. Abby then announces that the girls will be paired off against one another in solo matches to determine who will move on to Nationals, though as the moms note based on the choreography of each solo it's really obvious who Abby intends to win each pairing.

But those plans hit a speed bump when all hell breaks loose over drinks at a local bistro. The moms are goofing around with voodoo dolls when Kristie informs them that Asia will be leaving the ALDC tomorrow to explore opportunities in LA. While that was obviously planned for (wink, wink), Christi and Leslie getting into a drunken fight was not. A producer has to step in to break up the fight and Christi unsuccessfully tries to get Leslie arrested. At least for Christi it's all downhill from there.

Quotes

• “[Abby] says to Brooke, ‘Kelly swore she had it in. I believe her.’ That’s the only time in her life that Abby believed you, and it was because it got Brooke in trouble!’" (10:46-10:54 | Christi)
• “Kendall always wants her mom to shut up. At least our kids never told us to shut up? Like I think in the back of my kids minds they were like, ‘Mom you’re going to get me in trouble,’ but I knew they knew I was sticking up for them.” (11:36-11:50 | Kelly)
• “How many weeks did we have to sit there and pretend like, ‘Oh you have a chance!’ If that’s being a victim then yes I will say I was being a victim. But I wasn’t being a victim, that’s the storyline!" (29:37-29:48 | Christi)
• “Jill goes to Melissa, ‘As your friend I don’t recommend that,’ qnd then Melissa is like, ‘BOOBIES!’" (32:02-32:07 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Those kids on that team want to beat you! Yeah I kind of think thats what happens when everyone there wants to beat you." On the second half of "The Big, Not So, Easy", its finally time for the ALDC and the Candy Apples to go head to head. "Coincidently" both teams show up at the same time, and the Candy Apples take up the opportunity to throw some shade over their missing members. Undeterred, the girls go out to give it their best.

Mackenzie goes first with Dance Doctor, with the aim of retaking her title from the previous year. She does exceptionally well, but to the shock of both Abby and Melissa she fails to take first place. We don't get to see the child who did win, but Melissa assures the audience it was a phenomenal dance (though as Christi and Kelly point out, it was very unlikely Melissa saw that performance at all). Following her is Kendall with VooDoo Doll, and while she pulls it off with grace, the number was clearly choreographed with Chloe in mind and falls short of overtaking Maddie, who stuns with Amazing Grace for first.

It all comes down to the ALDC group number Home Again and Candy Apple's entree VooDoo. The results of who won may not be surprising if you see the clear signals the show puts out, but Christi and Kelly's opinion of who should have won may surprise you!

Quotes

• “We've come a long way with social media because if I had said to you in 2012, 'Hey Kel, some day you['re going to have to record on your computer, and know how to work things named Audacity and use headphones, you would have been like fuck you I'm not doing that. I don't know how to work any of it.' I still pretty much say fuck you I don't want to do it!" (11:52-12:12 | Christi & Kelly)
• “He came out and he's like, 'What's going on, where are you going?' and I'm like, 'Oh I just got kicked out.' For what? And I said I got in a street fight, and he said... I remember him very vividly saying, 'Well isn't that what they want?'” (21:58-22:09 | Christi)
• “I texted Cathy today and I said,' Hey, watching Season 3 of Dance Moms Nationals for the podcast. Honestly? I think you got robbed.'" (39:52-40:04 | Christi)
• “Everybody is dancing now before awards to "The Saints Go Marching In". No one on Dance Moms has any buisness dancing to a saint song, just saying." (44:09-44:18 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Jersey Shore is not doing this shit. Teen Mom is not doing this shit. No, the Dance Moms are. Housewives they would never!" Christi notes as there really is no other show on TV that would make someone unbox a stuffed Broadway Baby, who makes their grand return to haunt all those who lay eyes on it.

This week we jump ahead just a little bit to the first half of the "Dance Moms Care Special", which aired during Season 4 but was filmed immediately after Nationals. You can tell it was filmed right after Nationals because Christi is nowhere to be found, still enjoying some time on the beach while Abby decided last-minute to enter the ALDC into an Atlantic City competition to support the fight against breast cancer. It's a topic that hits close to home for Abby whose mother has been battling cancer for some time. The moms agree to take a mammogram for the program, the results of which are eerily predictive given Kelly's current diagnosis. We'd like to use this opportunity to remind all of you that preventative treatment is the answer, please get checked-up!

Maddie is presented with a solo entitled "Maddie" that's a tribute to... well Maddie. It's truly the zenith of Abby's favoritism towards Maddie, enough so that Jill seems to finally catch on! Elsewhere Leslie continues to try and stir up trouble with the other moms, determined to make the most of Payton's limited time as Chloe's replacement on the team.

Quotes

• “We're all getting some very much needed R&R. Rest and relaxation. But I made a commitment a long time ago to take place in a very very special Starbound event. No it was last week, but ok." (20:18-20:28 | Christi)
• “I think it was Love Island. Someone was like what happens if you get sick and they're like oh the producer said come when you're better. And I'm like what show is that!? cause that is not the experience I had.” (34:01-34:11 | Christi)
• “We had an overwhelming response to my new store. There's a line around the building and down the block. Do you think that they were excited to meet the cast of Dance Moms? I'm just guessing!" (43:30-43:39 | Christi)
• “Listen, I'll tell you what. If there's one thing the Dance Moms are good at, it is good at making up a reason why there is pressure." (54:48-55:04 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I'm a horrible human being. Well no you aren't you have cancer so you have a pass right? Isn't that the way it goes? Yeah, and this is the cancer episode!" Well now that Kelly has an excuse and Christi is still AWOL on the second half of the Dance Moms Cares Special, it should be smooth sailing from here with no more infighting. Right? Abby even has to step out to care for her mother, thereby giving the moms some Abby free time, things have to be smoothing sailing from here. Well it never is as easy as one would hope, this is Dance Moms after all!

The day of the competition arrives and the moms find themselves waiting in a gymnasium for a change, leading to some reminiscing about their days as cheerleaders. But the happy times are short lived as Leslie continues her stand-off with Kelly, whom she sees as an obstacle in Payton's path onto the team. The moms are still confused by Leslie's insistence that Payton be included, as she's clearly out of place with the rest of the girls in both height and age, but Leslie doesn't back down. The moms also point out that it isn't a fair match between Chloe and Payton since Payton has had months to prep her dance compared to Chloe's few days, but once again nothing will sway Leslie from getting her daughter the spot she feels she deserves.

Quotes

• “People ask all the time: Were these fans real or did production set them up? It's both. I think they came to see us but they gathered them all together so they were all in one spot when we arrived." (12:04-12:16 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Holly says this is a wonderful opportunity for the girls to express themselves using dance, give back to the community and hopefully find a cure for breast cancer. Which kid is looking for the cure? I don't know but one of you need to find it.” (14:38-14:51 | Christi & Kelly)
• “It was astounding when those kids won as much as they did because you are literally dancing against people who do nothing but the same dance over and over and over and over and over and over..." (23:29-23:43 | Christi)
• “Maddie gets first place for her solo...Maddie. Maddie gets Maddie, Maddie and Maddie gets Maddie in the first place for the Maddie category." (34:06-34:13 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"An interview chair is fun for five minutes, but for twelve hours? Like being in the room with Abby having to interview her, a solid 40% of the time being on her phone with her lawyer because she doesn't want to answer one of the questions I'm asking? Telling me that I should have spent 15 more minutes doing my hair and make-up or listening to the stupid people in my ear? It's just like constant berating AND I was hungover. So it was a little bit of a disaster on Tuesdays." It's a special day at Back to the Barre as Christi and Kelly welcome Dance Moms Producer Annie Leonard to sit down and answer some questions and to set some records straight. Annie also offers a frank reality check that while she's friendly with our lovely Bitches, it was ostensibly her job to ruin their lives when possible since you can't make good TV without some conflict!

What does the Producer's job look like day to day? What was the most difficult aspect of producing Dance Moms and how did it compare to other reality shows? Which moms were the easiest to work with and which ones made a producer's job difficult? The answer to that last one may surprise you, so tune-in to find out the answers to the se questions and more!

Quotes

• “There were a lot of things that we used to do in reality TV that you could get canceled for now. A lot of things on Dance Moms that you could get canceled for now. That's Dance Moms, every episode we did something we shouldn't have done." (04:49-05:01 | Kelly & Annie)
• “The EP gave this speech about not fraternizing with you guys and vice verca. I think there was some of that the season before and they were trying to curtail that or something? I think the fraternization was Kelly and I. Hehe, we were bad.” (13:26-13:40 | Christi, Kelly & Annie)
• “I felt like most of the time I was prepping Kelly she wasn't really listening to me. Ha, because I hated all of you!" (18:41-18:46 | Kelly & Annie)
• “[Cameraman] Eddie you could also tell he was a little bit of a partier. But he was holding his camera in the viewing room one day and one of our PAs was feeding him Top Ramen while he was filming. Which they loved." (26:30-26:44 | Annie)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Lucky we're recapping a really shitty episode today!" You know it's a bad one when Christi can't even start the recap without mentioning how bad it's going to be. Are any of you bitchettes surprised, it is a reunion episode after all! By far "Hurricane Abby" has got to be one of the roughest reunions yet as both Christi and Kelly are singled out without much support to fall back on.

This episode marks Christi's return to the studio after her big fight with Leslie in New Orleans and Jeff isn't about to let her live it down. Despite Christi's sincere attempts at an apology by owning up to her mistakes, Leslie is unwilling to acknowledge her own part in the conflict and paints Christi as a troublemaker who is trying to avoid owning up for her faults despite literally having just done so. Abby takes Leslie's side and claims Christi has yet to apology to the rest of the ALDC and even her own daughter,. This is just completely false, but because Abby is "the star" she can set the narrative, leaving Christi little room to plead her case.

Up next is Kelly who gets an earful from Abby about blocking the seats at the last competition. Kelly finds it ironic that the rules Abby holds up to Christi aren't ones she'd follow herself and Abby refuses to take responsibility for the incident. The conversation shifts to the time Kelly "snuck back in" to the the ALDC without Kelly being allowed to acknowledge that she only returned because she was under contract. Consequently Kelly is forced to be the bad guy once more. Will these moms ever get a fair shake?

Quotes

• “I knew I was going to be the first one on. Which you never wanted to be the first one on the scene. I was watching and I was thinking like what bullshit that you had to go out then I had to go out... then Melissa, Holly and Jill got to go out together. Like it's so much easier when you're in a group." (12:21-12:45 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Leslie says the other moms are afraid to stand up to me. Um, I don't know if that's true. I feel like everybody stands up to eevrybody pretty well” (30:09-30:16 | Christ)
• “Brooke is an incredible dancer. Yeah, you're ruining it by being such a bitch!" (37:38-37:43 | Christi & Kelly)
• “If you don't want to go to competitions then don't be in charge of a competition team." (43:33-43:39 | Kelly)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

Follow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"The show is not getting any better for you and I at this point. The only thing that's going to get better is we're going to leave." says Christi, to which Kelly readily celebrates. But until that time comes our Bitches are still stuck in the middle of the "Hurricane Abby" reunion.

Abby storms out over her conversation with Kelly and the rest of the moms are brought in. Much is made about the pact the moms made to one another to not let their daughters perform for Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition and Melissa's breaking of said pact. Melissa claims she shouldn't have to be held to some agreement they made if it would provide better options for her kids. The only problem is no one forced her to agree to the pact at all and instead of simply making her intentions known she chose to lie instead. The discussion is not helped by Leslie and Kristie Ray who side with Melissa despite being out of the loop for the entire pact.

Jeff continues to jump around maddeningly from topic to topic. Kristie Ray and Jill fight? Sure! Holly vs Leslie on parenting? Why not! As a last ditch effort to liven the proceedings Jeff asks Kelly to leave so Abby will return to the stage. The kicker is that Kelly is being asked to leave just as Brooke is coming onstage to make her national singing debut. In fairness as long as Kelly doesn't have to share room space with Abby then a win is a win.

Quotes

• “I can't stand when they always ask other moms to jump in because these other moms never know the whole "thing".” (22:18-22:23 | Christ)
• “We are so used. Yes we are the sex workers of the Dance Moms community." (32:48-32:56 | Christi & Kelly)
• “[Abby] said that for the last 25 out of 33 years she put her personal life on the back-burner and set her aspirations aside for the benifit of other people's children. That's her job! Everybody has to put stuff aside to do their job!" (42:58-43:11 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I felt like we had other [group dances] that were better. But honestly we did so many damn reunions, pre-reunions, post reunions that maybe we were running short on group dances that everyone was in." (48:54-49:05 | Christi)

Links

Subscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w 

Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarre

Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak

Follow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.